20 Episode results for "Conan O'brien"

Conan O'Brien

Fresh Air

49:05 min | 1 year ago

Conan O'Brien

"From whyy in Philadelphia I'm Terry Gross with fresh air today Conan O'Brien. He's been making changes. He's changed the format and Leith of his late night show and he's entered the podcast world with a popular interview show. That's about to start. It's second season. He's had an unusual career of highs and lows he. He was an unknown when he started hosting. NBC's late night he was ridiculed but held on inherited the tonight show and lost it when Leno returned just listening listening to you summarize it right now. I went through seven episodes of PTSD. This need us just listening to the summary. I'm just I'm completely drenched in sweat right now and in need of medication we'll talk about how his career and has comedy have been driven in part by anxiety and I'll persuade him to sing and play a song that meant a lot to him. When newest I learning guitar my guest is Conan O'Brien. WHO's been up up to some new things? He changed the format of his late night. TBS Show and cut it back to half an hour. He now has a popular podcast called Conan O'Brien needs a friend and featuring his conversations with comics actors and writers this weekend. His Production Company Team Coco is taking over ten comedy clubs intensities. He's around the country presenting famous and lesser known comics. Conan O'Brien was a comedy writer having worked on the Simpsons and Saturday night live when he I started hosting. NBC's late night with Conan O'Brien in the spot that had been David Letterman's he was an unknown as a performer and a lot of people thought he wouldn't make Jacob but now he's been hosting late night shows longer than anyone twenty six years. His career has taken some surprising twists and turns which will talk about but but he's never stopped being funny season two of his podcast. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend starts next Monday October seventh Conan O'Brien. Welcome back to fresh air. It's been a long time and it's a great pleasure to have you back. The podcast is call. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend. My guess is that you have friends. You just don't have time to actually talk awesome. That's very good I have. I have friends what's interesting. Is that the title all of the podcast was it's kind of joke but as Freud would tell you there are no jokes. There is a grain of truth in it which which is for years. I've gotten to know a lot of people and we're friendly but sometimes when you're in the public eye I it can get murky as to who who's really my friend. WHO's GonNa come visit me in the hospital who is going to come over to my my house when I when my dog dies and drink cocoa with me who is who those people and it is sort of an exploration of Arwa really friends or are we just people that are in the same business working at the same shoe factory known as show business and we see each each other when we check in and we see each other when we check out and we're not really particularly close. Do you know what I mean. yes exactly what you mean. Are there are people who are cl close friends who interviewed like say at least Kudo who you've learned things from by actually doing something more formal like an interview rather other than just having dinner together yeah. I think I mean I've known Lisa and I really got started in the business together. as twenty two year olds just out of college coming to you know we met at an Improv class so so be hard pressed for me to learn anything about Lisa that I didn't already know I mean she. We both had odd jobs and we used to meet at a DUPARC coffee shop and I would talk about will someday. I'll have a show and you'll be famous and you'll be on my show as a guest. The kind of crazy talk that lots of people who were diluted have when they're twenty two only in our case it turned out to actually happen so it'd be hard pressed for me to learn anything new from Lisa when when my head around the interview but there are plenty of people who I've known over the years and you start to talk to them like I had a conversation with Stephen Colbert and I didn't intend for it to go this way but we really did start to talk about anxiety and how we were both anxious Catholic kids and how we had sort of a punitive inner voice and this sort of emotional number we each didn't ourselves and it went into new. Stephen talking a lot about his pain and we came out of their of the interview and I didn't. I think I'd connected with them. In this way that I had never never thought I could and I have to say. It's just a labor of love the podcasts I just thoroughly enjoy enjoy it and an allows me at my age after having been T- I've started when I was twenty two. I'm fifty six now and I'm having more fun at this stage in my career than I've ever had before and I don't think many people get to say that you're kind of shaking things up in your life if I mean you've changed your our TBS TV show into a half hour and all these new podcast ventures and and doing stand up comedy and now you have this series of performances at clubs around the country kind of produced by team. Coco so what's going on in your life that made you want to make all these changes. I'm having a nervous breakdown. I know it it yeah. I know deep answer's. Yes yes yes. It's the Larry King Method Larry King used famously said once I don't I don't prepare for interviews. I just say ask whatever pops into my head. That's my technique and I said that's not a technique. That's just that's just not preparing lurie. That's my technique is I just get up and I eat a giant ham sandwich and then I go in and I say whatever happens and then that's that's my magic but but you know I I decided a little while ago. I've loved my career. I've been very lucky. I am hard pressed to think of something I wanted. I didn't get to do and so you know what I'm very lucky. In my personal life I married married the right person I have great kids so to certain point you say a why not there's so much fear and and intensity in my teens twenties thirties into the forties it was so much intensity and iron will and I will work really hard and I must have to be fantastic and this has to be great and this needs needs to be better than I think something happens. a son of a doctor would say oh yeah. Your testosterone is dropping. You're you're getting older. They they would they would have some chemical reason and it might be right. I don't think I ever had a lot of testosterone and what I've had is probably been cutting off now. I think genetically now I'm a Belgian woman but I often get people stopping me on the street and saying you're a very attractive clearly from the Netherlands and you're very tall and I thank them and we meet for coffee and then I move on but I guess I got to a phase where I thought I don't what I don't WanNa. Do is sleep. Walk my way through my career at this stage. I think it'd be very easy to okay. I got this down. I can do this for bunge numbers and then you know mm sort of fade off into the sunlight and I find that's or does another way to go which is scare yourself and try to be X. rather than be intimidated and afraid as a lot of middle aged people are by everything. That's changing choose to be excited cited by it. You know maybe some later career. Kookiness doesn't make any difference. You know people don't like it. They don't like it. Do you think the things that you find funny or the comedy that you WanNa do has been changing as you get older. Yeah probably what I don't think the things that I find funny have changed changed. I still find the same things funny and I really love the silly and I the silliness and the absurdity that I can find in in everyday I think as time goes on I've become much more interested in things that actually this is probably always been the case so I I don't know if I can say it's new but my interest in what we call evergreen comedy comedy that think of a warner owner brothers cartoon you can watch today and it was maybe it was made in nineteen forty eight. you know whether it's bugs bunny or coyote road runner. You're watching in one and it's just as the timing and the simplicity of the ideas but the beauty of the execution it's all his funny today as it was when it was shown in their theater during nineteen forty eight and that's the stuff that as I get older I more and more interested in which is something. That's not just funny if you've read the news today. Do you know what I mean. Yes I definitely funny if it's funny if someone sees it online and I think that's something that's I'm happy about is I'm constantly having because of Youtube total accident but because of Youtube people will see something that I shot twenty years ago but it's me you know going going to the nurse and finding out that I have a heart murmur is all happening on in real time for real when she this is a whole bit you had like a cold holter. You went to see the doctor the nurse and then you insisted she kept telling you. Everything's fine new insisted that she listened to your chest and said. Did anyone ever tell you. When you have a firmer she used a different word for it but in Utah Really surprised and I wasn't sure no no no it was it was absolutely real and I think that's why it reads as funny. I'm fine by the way I've never had any issue. That's good yeah. This is kind of Lebron's last interview by the way any issue so I'm Terry Gross had the last interview with Conan but but but but I like I like comedy that is about me as a person who's somewhat ridiculous going through life and whether it it's it's chaplinesque or Jacques Tati or it's just it's it's about ah person encountering being embarrassed or humiliated million or being you know going through life and and sort of like Buster Keaton or any of those great people i. I'm not playing at their level but I that is my approach to comedy is to try and find connections and things that other people oh can relate to and those are the things some of these rem remotes that have shot over the years or my probably my favorite medium and olive comedy is I have this you know hundreds and hundreds of these remotes. I've shot and some of them. I think I really managed to make make something. That might be a little bit timeless. That's the stuff I'm in love with so. Are there jokes that you feel like you can't tell any more in this era of heightened feminist awareness and the metoo movement like one of the things you always used to Jewish like your bar Bob Hope Growl at at at Eh attractive women. I mean you know I still go. Can you do that anymore. Yes well first of all. I always molested myself. Yes the other thing is the growl you know I would when when women would come I'm on it. Was this cartoony Bob. Hope thing and I don't know if anybody has ever seen it as sexual because I don't know that I come across as being really bluntly honest as that sexual and so i. I don't know that I do the growl as much anymore but I find that the response is usually women laughing at me because it is such a caricature of a I a a cartoonish non-sexual person attempting thing you know this this crazy what sort of nineteen fifties or nineteen forties tiger growl so yeah. I don't know that that is the tiger growls. I don't know if that's verboten in because I I don't know that anyone takes it seriously nor should they but agree. I hate to completely. You've had the strangest career of all the late night hosts. You'd been more of a writer than performer when you got your twelve thirty late night show on NBC coming on right after the tonight. Show no one knew who you were and it took a while for you to catch on when Leno left the tonight show you replaced him. Leno got ten o'clock show. It didn't do well. He wanted to go back to eleven thirty spot and NBC. Let him do it. So before your year was up. You are out of eleven thirty spot. They offered you a spot at twelve. Oh five to do the tonight show and you basically said that's ridiculous and you left and you know a few months later started your show on TBS CBS so your career as had the strange Max of like complete stardom and rejection mixed in and I I just think psychologically that must really be like a roller coaster yeah that was first of all just listening to you summarize summarize it right now. I went through seven episodes of PTSD listening to you just listening to the summary of what I already know happen. I'm just I'm completely drenched. I'm drenched in sweat right now in need of medication which I'm taking here we go and done yeah. It's I have to say I agree with you. It has been say what you want about my career you can someone can like me. They can despise me they can completely not care be completely neutral about me but everyone would have to agree that. It's a really unusual career. Just completely unprecedented. I mean the way that I got onto to the late night. Show was absurd which was basically they lorne. Michaels took a complete Hail Mary pass and said I know this writer and and he has very little performing experience besides some Improv but I think he could be good and I went to an audition and because I had no chance was completely relaxed in the audition and did really well and then be said. Will we have no other choice because this is pre. I mean it wouldn't happen today today. If there was a a major late night spot open there would be six hundred candidates from six hundred different different cable shows so the hallway I got the show is absurd hanging onto it for the first year year and a half two years when I think I was actually cancelled at one point in a meeting and then shortly after the meeting ended they said well. We can't cancel yet because we don't have as replacement quite ready to go. Oh so it's uncanceled them and then cancel him at the next meeting and then they just didn't get around to it so I was supposed to die about six different times and just didn't through some. I don't know what else to call it other than dumb luck and then yeah you push forward through all these years of success to it's like being on a college professor. You're getting ten year. You're going to get the tonight. Show and people don't they. Don't try you out at the tonight show. They give it to you and then then they take it away. My predecessor had yeah and then my you know my predecessor at had some difficult times it all worked out so the feeling was at that point. I'd been on the air for sixteen years and will this should be okay and then it was as he said it was just as crazy set of circumstances and that was traumatic and I did a tour which was very therapeutic doc I went out on the road and did comedy and some music and it was just a big variety show and we had a lot of insanely huge guest stars ours come out in support was it helpful to you to have audiences who were incredibly enthusiastic about seeing you at this time when he'd been rejected from NBC Yeah. Oh it was huge. It was therapeutic satisfying to you know all I ever wanted to do is make people laugh. I know that sounds Corny. The motivator to me is I just really do love getting in front of people and making them happy happy making them laugh and so getting to do that on a national tour and really delighting these crowds that was great. I think the trouble for me came after that to who are because I think emotionally crashed. You know that the tour were at psychic probably a typically Irish response but you'll do the the Irish. A lot of times will do anything to avoid feeling pain so I think it was very obviously very painful to have to give up the tonight show and so what I did was I avoided that pain by doing this tour where I probably burned three thousand calories and night would sweat through my clothes. really give everything. I have then go out and take selfies with a thousand people will then sleep for a couple of hours but then not be able to sleep on the bus or on the plane and just I think when that tour was over I was skeletal and then I was faced with. We gotTA start over again. Build a new show and I think that was the painful part. That was the part that took a good a two years to to work through. What helped you through it well. I've I like being honest about this for other people out there I had always done some therapy but I went to. I got a lot of therapy and and I gots help with medication and that helped a lot and then it also helped op that as I said earlier the smartest thing I ever did in my life was was married my wife in two thousand two so it's been seventeen years and and she's just a great partner and very emotionally intelligent and my best friend and so she helped me through this and you have kids too. I mean I have two children so that puts things in perspective so all those things helped me enormously and I've since become a big advocate for people who are if they're going through something and they're having a hard time you know talking to somebody and getting some professional help. My guest is Conan O'Brien his late night. Show is at eleven on tbs the the second season of his podcast. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend starts Monday. After a break. We'll talk about how anxiety and depression figure into his life and comedy eighty. I'm Terry Gross and this is fresh air this message comes from NPR sponsor Panera bread. Ask yourself one was the last time you had a meal that was fresh and landfilling. PINERA's new warm grain bowls are full of flavorful ingredients like hardy keen spicy Salsa Verde and Creamy cotto full of flavors textures and colors full of good so you'll be full of good to try a new Baja or Mediterranean warm grain bowl warm grain bowls full of good now available for delivery Panera food who'd should be let's get back to my interview with Conan O'Brien in addition to his tbs late night show he now has a popular podcast called. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend brand which starts its second season Monday October seventh if features him interviewing comics actors and writers I remember when I was a guest on your late night show on NBC back in I think two thousand four when the show is oh I was like the last gas and when the show is over and you're leaving the set new you were very generous with with your time you spend a few minutes talking with me and I introduced my husband to you. He's a big Fan and and you said you said well well now that the show is over. I can go back to being depressed and it was really funny but at the same time I thought I bet there's some truth to that to that once you leave the stage like depression depression takes over yeah. You know it's funny. everyone has a different. I used to think I'm not depressed. I'm just anxious and I didn't understand but I've I've always been. I've as anxious as a little kid. I think I started having real bouts of strong anxiety or on its in fourth grade remembered fourth fifth sixth seventh through high school cool and I was just had a lot of anxiety and anxiety in the night and getting up a lot and and not understanding what it was so I remember there was a period of my life in my forties when people were saying you know maybe you're depressed and I would be irradiated. Seem not depressed. I have anxiety but I'm not depressed and then of course when I finally when got some help you know at this sort of a big chaotic time in my life. One of the first things is that the doctor said to me was I said I'm not depressed. I'm I've just have anxiety and they said you know yeah. Anxiety is a chronic anxiety. Diety is a subset or form of depression. It's a mode you know and so I think because I was able to function so well I can always work always get up and do it has to be done. and I thought well I'm not depressed and I had read accounts if people with real depression who can't get out of bed and I said that's never been me and so I'm not that so. I don't have depression but I realized that anxiety is is a form. It's certainly something they can get in the way of your life and Yeah I did go down. It's sort of a classic trope but I think think there's a lot of truth to it. which is when your performer when you're on stage? There's is no thinking you just have to act you. There's no time to think you just do and so for that time that you're in front of people all in a weird crazy way you'd think that the anxiety would be at its peak and it's not everything goes away because there's no oh time you're just in front of them and you just react and you completely rely on your muscle memory and your inter-clan. That's been there since you were born and you just go and it's very liberating. It's really freeing the problem. Lem is when it's over and you need to negotiate then you start thinking again about what what's tomorrow. And what are we going to do and then it's all back in your your brain. You know it's it's it's not you just sort of reacting out of your diaphragm or your soul or whatever you're back in your brain and that's where the problems start so when I say it's time to be depressed again after a show. It's much better now me now I go home and see my wife and kids and deal with whatever they're dealing with and so it's different you know it's. It's not the way it used to be. I used to go home and Brood about what am I going to do next and what's tomorrow and how was that show and if it was a good show. Can we replicate it tomorrow. It was a bad show. Oh my God. HOW ARE WE GONNA make up for that. What will people think. There's less of that now so it's it was a joke but it wasn't a joke. Do you think some of that is just kind of getting older and and just having more perspective definitely. I definitely definitely think I think getting old has a gets a bad rap but you're not old. You're so far I'm well. I'm older than I was but it's all relative. If you asked nineteen-year-old Youtuber they would probably say Conan O'Brien didn't he fighting the civil war probably the oldest person they can imagine but you know it's all relative have but yes. I completely understand I've been lucky and been healthy and I move around a lot and and I pretty much feel the way I did when I was in my twenties so I'm very lucky that way and I understand that all kinds of stuff is going to be showing up that's not going to be pleasant but I have found when when people get wrapped sonic about their childhood and say my boyhood nothing will ever be as good as that. I don't understand what they're talking about because I found youth to be very scary and intimidating and I put a lot of pressure on myself and I had big expectations and I didn't know it was going to work out and don't let me stop you right there. What would you find really scary about childhood. What scared you the most major most and my father used to my father other would dress as a clown and hide under the bed and surprise me and that's very he's a very sick man. He does it to this day although oh he's he's slower getting out from under it takes about forty minutes no. I would say I as I said I was really anxious and I didn't know how I fit into the world and it was not a good athlete so I would be get picked last I had a strange inge name. I think it took me a while to warrant for people to warm up to me. I was not someone who instantly showed up and everyone was like hey look at his Conan. You you know high five you know I I was I didn't click with people right away and know where I fit in the world so yeah childhood was not it wasn't bad. It wasn't traumatic. It was just I find that as I get older my perspective back has changed and I can sort of see the importance of the real things and the unimportance of the silly. We things let's break here and then we'll talk some more. If you're just joining us I guess is Conan O'Brien and of course he has. TBS Show at eleven o'clock at at night but he also now has a podcast. The second season is about to start. It's called CONAN. O'Brien needs a friend season two starts October seventh. We'll be right back. This is fresh air support for this podcast and the following message come from the real real the leading reseller for authenticated luxury consignment consign consign men's and women's luxury fashion fine jewelry watches art and home the real real offers free white glove service in store drop off or from home shipping thinks thank sustainably consigned with the real real today and earn up to eighty five percent commission this month received site credit when you can sign ten or more items. Authentic Sustainable Dana ble luxury only at the real real dot com. Hey It's Anton yesterday he producer with NPR's Latino USA and I wanNA tell you about one of our most popular segments and we call it the breakdown in each episode we explore not next cultural phenomenon like most recent about the Peruvian Diva Ima supermac or are episode on Dora the explorer check it out if you know USA from NPR my guess is Conan O'Brien so making too much of this but your father was an infectious disease specialist. Women Brigham Hospital and still is still is actually built each at Harvard now. This is still yeah. He does he I don't think he's not teaching right now but he's he's working on a grant application. Okay now as we speak because his his specialty loyalty is microbiology and antibiotic resistance and he's every year looking for a more grant money God. My father did fighting civil the war so good job so your father is an infectious disease expert specialist and your mother until she retired was a partner in a law firm firm so growing up with that way all about consequences. Let Germs that can kill you and your mother like if you do the wrong one thing. I don't know what kind of law she practiced but if you do the wrong thing you can be sued you can go to prison so did you grow up with the sense that like everything has is like life changing consequences well. I think I will simplify it for you. and that's that's sort of a very interesting interesting psychological tax you just took with like my dad's work and my mom's work and that deserves further exploration but I can simplify. I simplify it for you. My parents are very Catholic and so yes you grow up with very strong sense of consequences you know and and also they I grew up in you. Look at my family and there's a there's an immigrant an Irish immigrant rent and it doesn't matter where you're from every generation is trying to better their circumstances from the previous generation so my people come over from Ireland. They work in the mills in central Massachusetts then you know if you can get out of working in the mills doing what my grandfathers did which was you're either at a traffic policeman in Worcester mass or you work your way with no college education as my other grandfather either did into being a teller at a bank to being the person sort of organizing the bank to being someone who's helping to run the bank and then would've Eric as do their kids get full scholarships and go to college and then go on to graduate school and become you know get a law degree and a medical degree and so everyone's bettering the situation that they inherited and raising the bar for for the next generation and then of course I was a workaholic as a kid and very serious people have a hard time reconciling that I was not some just naturally brilliant guy. I had to work not good at math and science and I made myself like just made made myself. If I had to memorize textbooks I would memorize them because my goal was. I don't know what I'm GONNA do in this world but I need to get into a good college and I did do once I get the Harvard a join the the the comedy magazine just as a Lark and the next thing you know that's all I care about so I think in my career there's a sense of weight generation after generation has been pushing the puzzle piece slowly forward and I'm taking all of this in gambling it on being a professional goofball at so they talk about consequences. you know to my parents credit. They really did imbue in all of us have really powerful moral code and and so we've had that since we were kids too and those can feel like big consequences itself punishment the self punishment. I sometimes think there's a sense of like if you punish yourself and if you're penitent in some way that will avoid a harsher externally given given punishment like I know I did wrong. I've punish myself so you don't have to do anything. I've taken care of it. It's almost like you know reactive punishment but it could be like so damaging well the other way just as you were describing that it's where self deprecating humor comes from and rife life right. That's my milieu is self deprecating humor but I'll make fun of myself before Terry Gross Skin because you're known to rip people apart yeah. I know I know cruel or the rickles you're the rickles the airwaves but when I did my first it's late night show ever all the press had been about can he replace Letterman and how can he and Letterman's the best ever ever and Letterman was wronged and this is the idiot that NBC came up with to cover up their mistake and it's the worst and that was sort of the story I remembered at the time some people would. NBC Saint just don't mention the letterman thing when you go on the air and I thought well that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of so we wrote. I had an idea okay and we wrote this cold opening which was me waking up in the morning and I turn on the TV and it's two people from entertainment tonight. Reporters reporters saying Ken Conan be as good as Letterman. This is the Big Day Kenny do it and me smiling like an idiot ah grinning confident idiot and then and marching down the street to Rockefeller Center and everyone I encounter says better be as good as letterman every single down and it gets more and more absurd until a horse goes better be as good a WHO Letterman and I'm smiling and smiling and smiling coming and then I finally get to my dressing room and I go in and I'm whistling happily getting ready to do the show and I make a news. I put my ad in it and just as I'm about to hang myself. There's a knock on the door and they say Conan. It's time now the people at NBC were appalled. Aw there like you can't do this and I'm like. This is exactly what we have to do. We have to go right at it and it turned out people to this day. Tell me they that was the first time they they ever saw me and they really loved that and that is very me. which is? I'm going to mark myself before you can and it's tricky because you can overdo it and it's aw preemptive and it's exactly what you're saying. which is self-flagellation and punishing yourself? is a way ultimately of being in control because if I hurt myself than I've handled the punishment no one else has to and you can get as we know it can turn into an SM fetish also as we we all know but it can you know what I'm talking about anyway but it's very much it's it's all about control and at the end of the day so many of the problems in our life our US trying to assert control where we don't have a lot of control comedians are the ultimate control freak so we're trying to control how you feel about us at any given moment so yeah in on a on some level. A lot of you know. Humor is preemptive. It's I will find this all ridiculous before for you can find me ridiculous so we were talking about self punishment. What were you actually punished for. When you're young the thing I remember most clearly is I think I'm the last person who's at least my generation but maybe I don't think there's anyone after aftermath. Whoever had their mouth washed out with soap you really did that really had it I did I had my mouth washed out with a bar of dial soap opera. La and I hope this becomes a plug for dial but it was not my parents. My parents are away and they had someone who I remember very clearly. She was from Prince Edward Island and she was older and I think came from this sort of different culture sure and so she had like this nineteen thirties mentality towards discipline and I don't even think anything that bad. I don't think I said a swear works. I never swore when I was a kid. I think I probably just was a little bit of a wise guy on remembered. She took me to the second floor of our house and there's this old marble sank and she took out a bar of dial soap and made me run it back and forth my mouth. Remember that soap cakes on the top of your tooth. That's what I remember really clearly and I've since told people yeah I remember the time I got. My mouth washed out with soap and they say to me. Did you grow up in like nineteen ten that happen and it was a total anomaly but I think we would get in trouble. If we you know how much with Dr for were disrespectful to my mom. You'd get sent to your room. Nothing you know there were no beatings. There probably should have been I'd be a better person today. Had I been beaten but boy you know there was always an expression like you have a filthy mouth. I'm GONNA wash your mouth out with soap and I never knew anyone until now oh who actually had their mouth washed with soap. I would think it's really bad for your mouth tissues which are sensitive to have dial soap all over them. I'm Terry. I wish you'd been there at the time. I wonder if cushions of this form of punishment. I wish you could have materialized untold this. This hill folk from China said. Excuse me pardon me. I worry about his mouth south tissues. I don't think this is the proper use of Maybe a liquid soap. Is there a liquid dial so from the House I think that would be softer and he could expect speculated more easily. Who Were you? I'm Terry Gross. I'll become famous in about fifteen years goodbye and then you disappear. Did it prevents you from other ever melting. Nothing offers again to anyone. No of course not it's complete. It's complete proof that capital punishment doesn't work we go. We made the it's. We made the jump. It doesn't work all right. I'm going to take a short break here and then we'll be right back if you're just joining us my guest is Conan O'Brien and in addition to his eleven seven o'clock late night show on PBS. He has a podcast. That's about to start. It's second season on October seventh and it's called Conan O'Brien needs a friend. It's very funny honey. We're going to take a short break. We'll be right back. This is fresh air support for this podcast and the following message come from. Adt in a BT medical alert system can give you confidence at home and miles away with wireless two way communication GPS location services fall detection and compassionate care from Adt. Not What do you want to protect your own independence and freedom. Maybe it's your mom or dad whatever it is. Nobody has more ways to help keep you safe than the health professionals at ADT visit adt dot com slash health to learn more support also comes from capital one capital one wants to build a better bank one that feels and acts nothing like typical bank so they're reimagining banking they offer a great savings rate and accounts with no fees or minimums that can be opened from anywhere anywhere in five minutes. That's banking reimagined capital one. What's in your wallet capital. One in a my guess is Conan O'Brien and of course he hosts his Conan late night show on TBS at eleven o'clock. He also has a podcast. That's about to start. It's second season is called. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend any interviews a lot of fellow comex and comedy writers and an occasional first lady and sometimes it's just really funny and sometimes you just get to you know pretty deep stuff and he has like scripted podcasts from team coco an new things going onto the TBS shows starts with this montage of you of Conan through the years starting with you and you're very young child and then being a like an older child and a teenager and adult and then having your own shows so I wanted to spend a little more time in the young Conan ears. You Love Music and you play guitar you sing. You don't try to pass yourself self off as a professional musician but you clearly love music or no in the studio where you are. There was a guitar sitting there and doing the sound check heck. I heard you just playing around with it. Would you be willing to play and sing something that you are so proud. You learned when you were young when you first picked up a guitar when I put two. Oh well okay. This is when a comedian picks up a guitar unless he's Steve Martin. It's time to go. Let's time to get out so you've been warned yeah. There's a I think kind of out of tune guitar here and Yeah I was just in a room I come into this room and I'm messing around with the guitar when suddenly I realize you're here and then you have gotcha moment of can't do this but hold on The only reason I play guitar is because because when I was in college I really got into the music of the early early sun sessions of Elvis Presley so oh you know I'd always known Elvis as the guy in the jumpsuit and then I heard those early early recordings and so so the first thing I learned was Elvis's version of Blue Moon of Kentucky and I just give you a second of it but he played this and it was a bit of a scandal at the time because because this was not the way you were supposed to play Blue Moon of Kentucky and this just makes me happy so again my apologies but I said Boom Ooh dooming keep he signed by moving to keep on shining by going to bring you back my baby to nap human design and by. I said Blue Moon Herp took keep on Shining John. All the woman's has separate Turkey Turkey votes phones John. Bring it was telling me that better starshine and right does set you pass separate move phone John on the wellness. He's gone and left me something like that. Yes oh I loved it. That was great. You really put yourself into that. Why are you crying. uh-huh trying to picture you as like a ten year older thirteen year old trying to be bedrooms about eighteen okay yeah. That's where the hair came from right. Yeah I really wanted. I wanted black hair. and you know keep in mind this. Is You know it's all the wrong time. I'm supposed to be listening to the clash or something I'm supposed to. I was always not in my I time you know when I was a kid the movies I'm supposed to be watching as I'm coming of age clockwork orange and you know just great great. I'm supposed to be watching marathon man and all that kind of stuff and that's not what I'm doing. I'm watching Jimmy Cagney in Yankee doodle Dandy. I'm watching angels with dirty already faces. I'm watching movies from the thirties so my timing is always wrong. I'm listening to fifties Elvis but it's the wrong time so I don't know I got a problem Conan O'Brien. It's been great to have you on the show. Thank you so much and good luck with all the new projects you have no thank you and you are one of my all time favorite people to talk to and you're really brilliant this and it's it's a joy so thank you so much for having me on this is free therapy thank you so much for saying that. CONAN O'Brien host Conan Weekday Nights at eleven on tbs the the second season of his podcast Conan O'Brien needs a friend starts Monday tomorrow on fresh air. My guest will be near times journalists. Julie Hirschfeld Davis this and Michael Cher authors of the new book border wars inside trump's assault on immigration part of the book is about some of the more extreme or absurd ideas. India's trump has come up with like creating a border moat filled with alligators or snakes. I hope will join US fresh air's executive producers any Miller. I've technical director and engineer is our Bentham. Our associate producer for digital media is Molly Seavy Nesper. Roberta shorrock directs the show. I'm Terry Gross yeah.

Conan O'Brien Terry Gross Anxiety NBC Ken Conan writer NBC USA PTSD David Letterman Leno NPR Coco Leith Freud Kudo partner Jacob Stephen
Conan O'Brien

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

2:01:17 hr | 1 year ago

Conan O'Brien

"You leave made it weird with the homes. Look what's happening. Weirdos this Conan O'Brien I can't believe it. I'm so happy that we finally got to sit down. It's over zoom obviously Here in quarantine in Los Angeles. I'm sorry that the audio quality isn't exactly as good as it usually is on this show But I hope this is a bright spot in your day. I know a lot of people are dealing with cabin fever. I know people are working very hard. Our medical professionals are working very very hard and I know. A lot of people are dealing with anxiety and stress and depression. I hope this helps a little bit. I share got a boost out of it myself talking with somebody that I owe so much to. Conan really really really started my career in huge way and I am so indebted to him and I am thrilled to call my friend and I'm so glad that we got to have this chat. We are putting together a best of episode. So if there are any moments in this episode Or any other episode after may two thousand eighteen. This is going to be the third best of you made it weird go to our facebook page or tweet it. At Katie Levine. Kt Money on twitter. We're looking for specific bits. Not just like lines but like bits like a good example would be when Kennedy was on and we did Yorker like that killed me. That made me laugh so hard. Not The joker but yo- Ker That is something we're going to include so if you want something included in the third best of you made it weird. Go to the. You made it weird facebook page. Leave a comment on that post and please be specific as you can after may two thousand eight teen and long bits. Not just one line here or there would be helpful to Katie and time codes if you nasty or just a general idea of where. It may be in the episode. Because she's going to be cutting that together. Which for me personally is going to be. I can't wait to listen to it. I might America's funniest home videos at and do commentary on every clip. Because I really I think we could all use the laughs right now so be sure to vote and nominate the moments that you want in the best of you made it weird on the facebook page as you guys know. I don't I don't do normal ads on the show. I do. Pete's picks which are products that actually use and actually love the first pizza. Pick right here on. My desk is alphabrain. This episode is brought to us by our friends at on it who make alphabrain which is a new atro- pick new atropine is basically a supplement for your brain. It's like fish food for your ideas. I never don't have alphabrain on my desk in my car in the pockets of my jackets. I have it in the powder form which I sometimes bore straightened wealth. I have it in the pill form. It is not a stimulant Like Caffeine doesn't keep you up. It doesn't make you jittery in fact I'd like to take it before I go to bed. Because it gives me trippy streams but it is basically fish food for your ideas and for your creativity for the past four or five years now. I haven't done standup. I haven't written a script. I haven't recorded an episode of this podcast. I haven't guessed it on somebody else's podcasts. Been on a talk show or even just gone on a date and wanted to be interesting for Sweet Lady. Val without taking two or three alphabrain fifteen minutes before. It's hard to explain because it's not like something that jolts you. It just gives your brain. The earth grown nutrients that it needs in order to function. It helps support memory helps support focus. Recall language your ability to access your your vocabulary which is obviously so important to me. I wish I had known about this in college. It would've made a huge difference. I wish I don't about it even earlier in my stand up career because there's so much memorization and recall involved. But I'm so glad that I have it. Now I swear by it and I'm so glad they're sponsored. The podcast go on it dot com slash weird. And you'll get ten percent off the best way to know about Alphabrain is to try it on it an IT DOT com slash weird to get ten percent off and show your support of the show. We also talk about Charlotte's web that CW HEMP DOT COM slash. Weird Promo Code keep it crispy nineteen or get you ten percent off if you WANNA try some Charlotte's web and of course one of the originals. Now it's been with US long enough I can call. One of the originals is catava. You guys know into plant based Vegan superfoods. Catava is a plant based bag basically. It's a drink. Mix rich full of nutrient rich superfoods. That have been revered by TRIBAL CULTURES FOR CENTURIES. It makes you feel fantastic. It makes you feel full for people that are curious about how to eat plant based but don't know how to begin. I always point them to Java because it actually tastes great. And it's actually full of what your body needs one hundred percent plant based it's got Omega threes from Chia and flax seed. It's got eight super fruits in the bag. Seventeen Greens and veggies in the bag. It's even harder than usual for me to get Greens that I need in my life. I love knowing that there's seventeen screens and veggies in kochava gluten. Free Soy free. No ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS. No preservatives. Digestive support built right in adapted. Jin's built right in twenty four grams of plant based protein. Boom people. Say we're vegans get their protein. You don't have to be Vegan but you know twenty four. What if what if you're listening? Do you have to be beacon? Brian Regan Voice. Twenty four grams of plant based protein nine grams of fiber. And it's actually delicious. It gets me high from nutrition a nutrition high from the macaroni which is wonderful for vitality and the rocket cow. I got it to add to my smoothie but it turns out it. Is this Moody. You can make it just water or milk and strawberries. Tastes like chocolate strawberry milkshake. Twenty percents off your order at Catava Dot com slash weird twenty percent and show your support of this podcast K. A. C. H. A. Dot Com slash. Weird speaking of Plan Bay superfoods. I have a new Pete's pick for you. I just found out about this. I just got turned onto this. I just found out about the healing power. The health boosting power. I guess I should say of Tahitian noni juice. I know that sounds maybe a little weird. I didn't know about it either but NONNI is to Haitian super fruit. That's known for its medicinal properties. It's been used by healers for thousands of years in ancient health remedies but now it's scientifically proven. It's boosting immunity. It's a natural energy enhancement and it supports overall wellness. I was skeptical. I really was at first but My friend David Vander. Veen turned me onto it. He showed me that. They have published and peer reviewed studies of Clinical Double Blind Trials with placebo that show that four ounces of this Tahitian noni juice twice. A day increases Something called Your N. K. Cells. Which are your natural killer cells and. Kale's are what fight viruses and help your immune system stay powerful increases your K- cells by up to an over thirty percent. It's a powerful combination of super fruits. Nonni Jews and blueberry juice. It's got two hundred and seventy-five nutrients and fighter nutrients you know. I love the stuff. Vegan superfood fighter nutrients including key minerals vitamins and antioxidants. It's got powerful. Adapt agenda to defend against stressors naturally enhances energy. I've been taking it for the past. Maybe eight days I look forward to it because it gives me that revitalizing boost. It helps me. Would that energy that I feel? I love the feeling that I'm doing something to help my body be as healthy as it can be. It's non GMO. It's Vegan. It's gluten free usually a one liter bottle of T. J. and they're supplement sell defense which is clinically shown to help your body fight. Inflammation is one hundred dollars but you can get both for forty bucks and show your support of this podcast. Thank you David Vander. Veen for telling me about T. N. J. And if you guys want to try it with me Goto NONNI EN by new age dot com slash. Weird forty like forty Bucks Nonni new age dot com slash weird forty. Happy to have a new Pete's pick in the mix especially here for CONAN man Conan O'Brien. I'm so stoked. We just did this chat today. So try Pete's pick put your feet up. Take your mask off. If you're inside throw the air pods on. Relax. Everything's GonNa be fine and melt away to the laughs and the insight and the fun with my dear friend counties over his. I get into it if it isn't. Can we hear him testing testing one? Two three there. He is asking testing bumble bee testing testing all day. Long we sing the testing testing song. Fresh out of the shower. I got slicked back. There and know breezes hentze's Oh breezy name. No one's ever called me. Holmes OBE raises how are you? I'm good man. How are you know? Call me need man. What are you? Some hippie blew off to the races. I I am a happy. I love Hippie Shit. I'm like a Hippie Kinda guy. I haven't bathed in a while. Is that anything? Where are you? You're in the basement. I told Katie. Who's on. Hi Katie That change the the I was saying my job is GonNa make it so that you're not just riffing about the fact that I have a Sonner I I liked the song. That's a nice look. It's good she said I bet he has one. Do you have on? I do not have a sauna weird I when I saw. I suspected that you owned Lincoln's birthplace. That's what it looks like. A little log cabin yeah. It's my walden cabin where I'm living trae live now. It's where I hang out. It's nice. Well Yeah I am happy to see you. You are you. Are you in lockdown? I'm assuming you're you're not taking it seriously. I I WANNA be the celebrity who draws all the hate from so. I think I don't believe in science gets all bullshit I'm states rights guy and I'm out there licken. Everybody that's my new. Go Fuck yourself as I say. Go look a DOORKNOB. Yeah if you WANNA go fuck yourself in a clever way. I have a thing. That's called surprise. Visit old people where I I put. I put a put a football helmet on and I jump through their window and go. It's me that's all I. I've thought about that. I go on walks. Someone somewhere has to be going around. Just a crazy person goes up to be. We'll go you know what I mean like that has to be happening footage of First of all just to set the record straight. 'cause I had to be careful 'cause I joked about these things then someone will say he's doing that that's Jean Stapleton listening guest. No I don't do that. I think I've been very hyper responsible about it. But I've noticed that when I there have been times. Well I'll go out for a run or something and I'm wearing the mask and I'll be running out. See this very old couple. They look like they're late. Eighties walking very slowly. And I'll sort of start to try and do a big arc around them a semi leaving tons of room. And sometimes I've noticed some like waving and moving towards me. I'm like no no. That's them deciding we've had lights. He looks like we had a good life. He looks like he's carrying it so let's most to him as we can. I don't know from Todd. I've said this before but I had somebody that I went to college with. I ran into her on a hike and she went in for a hug. Now really she and I said what are you crazy. Not In a rude way but I thought he was joking. I was like what are you crazy and she was. I think she was deeply offended. She thought I was just big timing. I'm GonNa tell you something. I haven't told anybody but long before this corona virus. If someone tried to hug me I'd shout. What are you crazy from Seinfeld? That's an Irish thing. What are you doing? Why are you trying to get close to me? Do you feel like you're not concealable with a face mask. That's not a burn. I'm saying like no I'M GONNA ask you go to whole foods now and blend in more. Now it's not. Your logo is in your face. It's your it's your hair. We're I to rob a bank and this has nothing to do with the Krona Virus. But let's say three years ago. I had put a mask on and gone in and robbed a bank. That immediately said Conan O'Brien's in here the bass. He robbed. No that's absolutely is in here wearing the rubber Nixon mass from wheat great But fell because he had a Belgian pastry on his head. So I don't know it is it is a very. I'm so fascinated that life can be this long in this weird interesting that I now walk around and if someone's not wearing a disguise I avoid yeah. I think that's insane like I literally take comfort if you're dressed like Jesse James or foot soldier from Cobra right. I feel safer with you around me. But if you're just like free sky in it you know the this is This is something that occurred to me and other people have made this point but I was reading a novel for free famous novel Wolf Hall. And it's about Thomas Cromwell and Henry the a then this this very esteemed novel and I was reading it and this is. I was reading this. I started like a month ago but in the novel just as the current affairs breaking out. They were like well. The sweating sickness is here again. We need to send the children at a London or the guy oops and they all died and this was a regular thing that happened in the world constantly throughout history and then we we went through like most the twentieth century without really dealing with it and then got into the twenty first century. And we're freaking out. Can you imagine this used to happen all the time this was like just three of civilization was Yeah in Spain came along and lots of people died. We didn't know what it was. We all had to stay in our houses. We all had to try and some people ran to the country. Some people stayed in their houses. People freaked out. People got suspicious. No one knew really what was going on people misbehaves. Some people behave well and then That's the history of mankind so we're revisiting. What was normal well. There's some comfort in that some Eerie Comfort. Right it's like this is a uniquely human experience. We haven't had it us in our lifetimes but it is something that the human species has dealt with and overcome time and time again sometimes at unthinkable loss but the Scott Fitzgerald letter. I don't know if it was real. I'm going to be so embarrassed if it wasn't real. But apparently they found F Scott Fitzgerald letter that he writes about being locked down in Paris and I was just like yeah I mean. Of course we would find out like during the nineteen eighteen nineteen pandemic or during something else. Yeah well you know this is. It's weird point of a weird point of view but I always find it comforting and people listening might disagree but I always find it. My philosophy is usually. Don't worry things have always been bad. Meaning that's how I am about politics. That's how I am about you. Know People say oh. My God country is so divided. And we've always been divided that no now. It's the worst it's ever band and I'll say oh we had the civil war and they think I'm being a pessimist but actually saying look at the pattern. Yeah there's you read history Are We've always been very flawed? Didn't things have usually gone wrong and We stumble our way through it and then we come out the other side and So I don't know maybe that's putting it all. I don't know I I was actually there before you even said that because I was saying. There's AN EERIE COMFORT. In no way that this sort of part of life and that is sort of stored in our DNA like there's a collective memory of how to and that we can do this because we've done it over and over again. Have you read. The fourth turning. A lot of people are talking about. What's that I'm not? I'm GONNA botch it. But I feel like as a history buff. You'd enjoy it. It's a little academic so I don't know you might have to have someone explaining to you why it might know. I know you're so clearly smart as why please please no. That's the other thing is that I'm just going to lie down for a second. That's the other thing Is that Michael Jackson off the wall right. Exactly and I'm back with I know I. I hate people assuming that I'll read a book can love it if it's dense and I'm like no I get frustrated by ideas anybody. Well what's the fourth the fourth journey? It's called the fourth turning and it's basically I'm going to botch this. But the premises that everything has four cycles the human life as for cycles the four seasons. This sounds very will by the way. But it's actually history academia that road at these two guys and they look at the at the way that things unfold World War Two nine eleven world war one and they track how. It's almost as if the universe itself as four cycles that it goes through and it was written a long time ago and I believe I believe it was written while ago. Oh so they threatened before all these things happen and people are saying it matches up now. That's what I'm saying. It's almost like history psychic nests. There not being psychic. They're not claiming to be SEIG. They're saying look at the pattern. It's always been this way. It always will be this way and in twenty twenty. Were probably going to have something like this. That was their theory. Yeah this is just saying now. Don't have read the book. Yeah right like I can just say now and then you have to read the book. There's no responsibility to read the book. Now I had a friend in college professor Mark Stephen and his roommate worked for the Boston Herald and the Boston Herald. Made a big mistake and everyone was looking to them to have egg on their face. And make this big apology and what they said. Instead was we. Goofed was like the perfect way to disarm it and apologize and move on. It reminds me of your Nah. Nah that I'd like to just do that. Like a book review so someone comes out with their theory of this. You know really dense. Subject like American involvement in the Pacific Rim eighteen eighty five to nineteen seventy five. And it's an eight hundred page book and it's been written by this guy that devoted his life to just right. Now I could just say Conan have you read sapiens. And you could just say. Nah I know you don't have a ton of time so I'M GONNA ask you a couple of things as your as your back bothering you. I'm just having a little bit of A. It's like you know what I did. I went on a super long bike ride and I did it. I have a little trainer. You know like you can hook your bike up to a trainer and so that you don't leave the house and I was really grinding for an hour and then I got this leg cramped as I was talking to some standing now and when I'm standing it's perfectly fine. I love that I'm glad gets and also I like this idea that I feel like a Greek orator because I'm standing and telling you my thoughts and walking and holding an IPAD at the same time I know I want to try and find things that I know about you. That other people might not know about you and this. Isn't that juicy at all but you do have an inversion table in your dressing room at the I don't anymore you don't but I don't anymore I haven't had it for a while but I got spooked. I got scared off of it because someone said that's not that good for you to handle that. Blood going to the capillaries of your head and so That's all it took. Yeah it really I mean someone just said and also I noticed it was taking a lot of room. It was And so is the combination of this could cause a cerebral hemorrhage and it's taking up room in another way in in Nadi generous space. Which is my little my dressing room. It Rehab where we have meetings and stuff so I just thought you know what? Let's put it someplace else and I think someone on someone else on the show took it with my permission but Yes for many years. I had an inversion table which work now. You're a tall guy. You're at least my height if not taller right. I'm six six. I'm as tall as your hair so I bought. I bought it. I like it and I believe it's Michael Crichton. That says he uses it to right. The reason I brought it up was one. It's fun that I know that too or at least to me. It is to the main thing I want to talk to you about and this seems like talking about another life. But let's just do it is how do you get? How do you refill your soul? This is something that I as a performer. Whether it is something physical like biking or our hanging down. No one in this business. You're the longest tenured talk show host. Riley were right. You know the answer to this question. I'm fascinated not just as a talk show hosts as a person. What do you do? You feel your brain with history books. You take time off. Are you quiet? Are you still do you exercise? There's no answer that won't fascinate me. Okay I find that. There's there's no one answer to the to this You know because I've been doing this a long time with a question I get a lot is when you think in a wrapping it up which I always feel is kind of insulting your Michael Jordan. Yeah you know we. So you're about done right is always and also it's one of those things where you think I just always wanted to be thought of as doing funny stuff. And the idea of being around the longest was not something that I was eating for. It's also not some thing I don't know I just felt like saying. Yep I've been around a really long time doesn't feel by something I would wanNA bracket. Thirteen right I stayed at this party much longer than anybody But how do you stay like you? WanNa to think about it as funny stuff. Yes I mean if you WANNA look at it as a child. How do you maintain that wonder for your really cool job? And how fun comedy is. I I think the simple secret for me is a lake to make stuff elect to try and make people laugh and it does give me joy and I often the funniest part of my day will happen in the writer's room or it would be happening if you and I bumped into each other and we were just goofing around in a hallway that might be the funniest part of the day. Not Maybe something happens on the show and I've always I get juice from that. I get juice from on. I get juice from from sort of mind. Melding with people and connecting and being really silly and trying to add to their silliness silliness. If they throw out something silly then get this little spark going. Then you create this. This tiny little brushfire that to me is what keeps me going. And so I've found that over the years that can happen. That could happen from Anna Simpson's writing room. If it happened to me on the show it could happen to me in my own late night. Writer's room it can happen if I'm on doing a travel show and we're getting really giddy because we've been we've flown to some other location you know and I'm in I'm on another continent. I'm just getting Super Giddy tired and the writers and I are just laughing our asses off and that one of them for me disrupting my sleep. Schedule can be really helpful. Yeah flying flying to another city you flew to Haiti. I mean your body couldn't have adjusted the entire trip like you probably started to adjust on the flight home. We did that we did. We've done shows. I mean the real the shows the really disrupt our did Korea and we do show in Japan and We've done And there you're just you're kind of high the whole time you're so Seattle so off your schedule plus your. I can't describe to you some people listening of probably been there. But when you're in South Korea and then you go up to the border with North Korea and you're you have to drive through a minefield and they have a road the middle but they tell you on the bus. Yup Their ten thousand mines on either side of his road as we get to the DMZ. And you're sleep deprived and you're comedia-. I'm not military personnel you'd And then you get there and you see North Korean guards staring at you across the line and they're I you know you just you. You're kind of hallucinating. And leaves of it all. There's a sad to is also an absurd an absurdity the whole thing and I think that's absurdity is is you know feeds the creativity so they're all the ways I find like I just keep looking for. The podcast is something we started a while ago and I didn't have any expectations at all. I just thought well this'll be interesting and I've really enjoyed that conversation you're having right now is not under station. Bit can exist in a six minute Let's go to commercial. That was right pete. And you've done my show many times and you come in. You have really good prepared stuff than you kill. And you got a lot of laughs. Were both cracking up. commercial is very different than yeah. Yeah it's like seated stand up it's it's not. I'm so glad that you found the joy of podcasting. I what I'm hearing you saying. Is you sort of album is a a type of suffering meaning? Things aren't going your way. Meaning YOU'RE TIRED. You're driving in you know sandwiched by minefields and then you're going to aboard or where. There's an armed guard and nobody gives shit about your show or you race airy right. It sounds like you've trained yourself to turn that resistance into an absurd fuel. I you to I find that I'm sometimes at my best went on and you may have the same thing if I'm scared before a gig or scared before I do something and also I feel a little bit of resistance and I think this isn't going to work. This isn't any good I I actually can find stuff that I wouldn't find. Otherwise you know that the panic fuels you absolutely you know it is the doubt and I. I asked you know Tony Randall. Who's been gone a long time now? But he was one of the classic talk show host of the seventies and eighties nineties and in two thousand and he was this guy and I asked him one stay. There was something wrong with me. I get just so worried and scared sometimes before a show and he said my dear boy you have to feel bad in order to feel good like it was just like. Oh and he talked about it right. Yeah everybody knows all performers know that and I was like a hundred no doubt what do you think he means by that? Not just as a life maxim but as a performer. I find sometimes just need to get kind of wound up It's almost if you can imagine nothing Wiley Wiley. Coyote does Neil road runner cartoons where he wants to. He wants to catch the road. Runner speeds by so what he does is he. He ties a giant rubber band between Jew Trees. Any pushing back against it and he pushed his way back in any. Let's go and It seemed full or he slingshots in south. That's not what I think. Is I think sometimes before I go do something I need to kind of work myself into a little bit of a anxious funk and move away. Zen idea they talk about with archery to get to the target. You have to move away from it. I think I know you know that. Sometimes goofing off or or fucking around wasting time or being stupid or bugging sonal or or ruining the meeting is what the host or whatever. The performer may need young. Told me you did our show together. You said the set is a playground. They build it and you go out and play and you had this real attitude of like whatever you need to do to get into a silly face which includes maybe not taking that meeting too seriously because you're trying to get into a state of irreverence and like Lebed off your access. Yeah exactly I think I think the other thing is It's whatever gets you into that state. I think it isn't discussed a lot but I think Being a I don't know what I mean. I don't I don't know whatever know what to call myself because I'm not a standup. I've done some of that but I'm really not not a standup. I never think of a comedian. I don't really stake talk show host because I knew that's what I do but I never really had a name for it but I think if you're a humorist or someone who job is to make people laugh it's a crazy job is really strange. Nobody knows how it works. Nobody understands it. I've been pretty much thinking about comedy around the clock since one thousand nine hundred eighty one and I still don't have any idea how it works really and if people start to try and analyze it. I get very uncomfortable. Let's not do this. Let's not analyze. It was just let go so I find it. It's an absurd way to make a living. God what happened spit. Just it's dry eye. Deep an APP Aguado malfunctions and spirit went down the wrong way and I am humiliated. And we will not edit it out and Wales. We will leave it in this episode. It will be why people are tweeting about and talking about and retweeting it. What were you just saying? Oh the absurdity the magic looking for it. I think you might enjoy. I believe it was e e cummings. He said if you want the song don't dissect the bird and I I think about that all the time. There's something about getting into that zone that I feel like desperation really fuels like again. I did eight episodes of talk show. It's not the same but I have a little taste and when we were young and scrappy and we were always young scrappy but that was good for us and and I think of like single Conan. You met Liza on a remote Yup. I don't I don't think that's a mistake. I'm wondering if you see a parallel between all types of human desperation and finding last I mean. Obviously you're going week by week when I added up your late show and you met your wife The reason mentioning that is because I think it's a similar frequency to be the young guy on the remote it's like. Hey I'll talk to anybody. I'll do anything. I'll lay down on his couch or they're gonNA cancel us. I'm going to do this monologue. I'm GonNa talk to the band. I'm going to do that. Weird sketch and need to get it. I mean it seems that can so now that you're in a more comfortable place I feel like I see a man and I relate to this. Who's trying to recreate some uncertainty by going to your pay on going to Korea? Trying to get yourself off yet so you're not just repeating yourself. Yeah Yeah because I can Get there comes a point. Where between nineteen ninety-three now. I can't even tell you. How many hours do television done but I I? Sometimes there's thousands of hours and we tried so many different strange things over the years that now. They've all been archived. And you can see all a bit in high death in my digital teams posting it. I'll wake up some days and turn on my phone. And they'll be video of me dressed as a bike messenger wearing a gold helmet with wings on it and I'm in New York and it's ninety six four hundred seventy pounds as it's it's nineteen ninety four and my end. I have no memory. I have no memory of this and I'm talking to people on the street number memory. No memory of any of it and people be like wait a minute. How could that be possible? Spend today a bike messenger and you have no memory. I mean I feel like I'm looking at somebody else. I have no idea what happened. I have no idea how it ends. I'm looking at this very young. Attractive woman me thinking so. I have no idea what's going to happen. I dislike to I don't know about you but I find that I'm constantly looking for something it's GonNa make me feel like it's Christmas Day again. You know and I'm a kid and you need to work harder at it as you get older and calcified a little bit and crusty. You've got to actually work harder at finding different voices different things that excite you different things you didn't expect about yourself Getting into situations where you're scare. You gotta you gotTa try more and more stuff and I. It doesn't feel I like to be. I like to be a little scarily. Agua what is this? God you know we? We went to Greenland when trump announced that he was gonNA maybe by Greenland as thirty five hundred stirred new cycles ago we fluted greenland and I was like literally sometimes standing in giant field of just volcanic rock looking around thinking out of a date. This funny but I think that's the ideas. We just have to keep trying. You really only get to be here. One time a lease and so you have to just. I wonder ring all the juice out on site you know is that. Is that a mantra like do you have something that you repeat yourself? You're in a field with volcanic rock because one of the first things you had me do for you. It was a remote for you was. We went to like mets stadium. Some and I made the mistake of insisting my will on the remote. We're GONNA do this. We're GONNA do this right instead of letting the remote be what it is. Which was I don't know what's funny about. Like how funny would it have been Conan? If I was just honest and was like you send me here. I don't know what's funny about that. I just went around and Woohoo. Should I talk to you? I don't even like baseball. Why am I here? That's so much funnier than I think. I ended up doing some like everything's cooler in slow motion thing which we've seen a million times so I don't think we even use remote but it was funny because you are sort of like indexing may into the fear of like you need to know that at any moment you need to drop it you need to pivot but what are you repeat. Here's what are you remind yourself when you can't find it at the does that old saying I have not an athlete so I love it when I always love it. When people in comedy you sports now ogies during the name and basically they're standing up there and they're telling a joke but they'll linking it to you know I really. I really got in the box. Made through a you know they. They threw a faith through went high and inside night. I drove it hard over the left field wall. That was a funny joke. Shut up you know. Yeah and if someone really did throw a baseball your way would run. And Hide in the trash can so But you know I drove to the middle and I went up and around and I don t like you did you. You said something kind of ironic and it was a good crowd. Largo shut so by. There is an analogy. There was a quarterback or someone in football said the holes are never where you think they are. You know they're not they're never were they're supposed. Meaning you spend all this time studying. Claes studying place studying plays about XS and OS. And how how defense is GonNa Shift in how you need to have meaning to adjusted in if everybody on your team. Does the fall in thirty five things so there should be theoretically an opening off to your right and you can grab the ball and you can run that way. And they'll block for you and you'll get through in real life and in football is hardly ever goes smoothly as you got a whole if the really good quarterbacks a really good running back snow that okay. That's the plan. But if for some reason everything goes to shit and the whole opens up on the left side for no reason that I'm going that way so I learned. I really get Improv teacher. Who used to before you can take a legitimate like groundlings class And this is the classroom net. Lisa Kudrow a back in nineteen eighty six. We both went to the we signed up for this class at the corner theatre and there was really good Improv. Teachers Eliminate Cynthia Szigeti and she's passed on now but she has amazing class. Were literally Ten dollars a jar and you take this class and she said I would get up there and I was so cerebral and quick and my mouth was always going really fast to my brain is always going really fast and people in the class were always were saying to me. Man. You're you're really quick and I was feeling my oats. I I am the fastest gun you know. I'm I'm really. I'm really quick. And she looked at me and she said you're problem. Is you think too much up. There and I was devastated because I just thought what but wait a minute. My brain is the thing that's always gotten me through and my quick wit and she was like. Yeah it's killing you. There we mean and her point was right. Which is you get up there with a plan and you push through with your plan and yeah you say all this stuff and people laughing everything but you're not listening. You're not feeling of what's really happening. You're not picking up And I since I took that to heart and I realized this this Yin Yang. Yes you WANNA have a plan and you WanNa have ideas and you want to do the work but then when you get in the moment with somebody you need to be willing to throw it all away One of my favorite talk show appearances I ever did. Was I think it was the first real appearance I did? After the whole tonight show craziness back in two thousand ten and really gone on a major show and I was invited to go on David Letterman show. I went and it was really strange as he and I haven't really talked this whole time and so I walked out. He introduces me. I walked cow crabs. Very Nice live applause. I look at him. He looks at me shake hands. I sit down and then I didn't say anything and he didn't say anything so then I cut not saying anything and he kept not saying anything and we both didn't say anything and we just looked around was to this day one of my favorite things. Yup that I've ever done. Because we both picked up on the weirdness the game the game and we just decided to go with it and it was really beautiful and I found over the years that so my favorite laughs. When say nothing yeah? It's funny when I think of you. I do know you to be a very very sharp. Obviously but I always think of you making some face at a guest like somebody comes on. And they're just hamming and they're going to hard and you just make the like what are you doing? Yeah Yeah Ace. That may gets the laugh before you you hit with the Great Line. I think of the face I I mean. That's what I think. Isn't it crazy to think that guy that took that class is now known probably in the top three? Coenen things is got to be a dance. You know what I mean. It's a dance or it's a it's a nipple rubber whatever it is and I'm not saying that to be silly. I'm saying that is another person Lennon. Parham my Improv teacher. Got Behind me. I was playing a witch doctor and I kept going like if you take the feather of the blue winged bird you mash it in the I would just doing all this stuff that I was saying. You choose like how does a witchdoctor move? And she was like you got to move like this. You got like mirror lately. And that was a big breakthrough for me and clearly. You've learned that lesson is why you know it's there's I I love to watch the really old stuff and on the you know and you realize that nothing's changed nothing's people The ways of making people laugh have fundamentally changed. I think sarcasm probably didn't exist. You know hundred and fifty years ago. So so maybe there's the batch might be different but for the most part the things that make us laugh. Are these great surprises and And I was showing during this pandemic one of the things I've been doing is deciding. Let's get as much of a silver lining as we can so every night pretty much. It at our house is movie night and whenever I get to choose I make sure they watch. Samat net net at at at world all the Comedians from the forties fifties and sixties in it. I make sure to watch all the clue cell films with Peter Sellers of the Pink Panther movies. And you just get to see. Yeah the old. These are all moves. I know and our man they're good I always think of the eunuch running away. Yes you can see. You can see his prosthetic Weiner bouncing and it's one of the one of the funniest things I saw. I was like fifteen and I couldn't believe I was seeing prosthetic Weiner Bouncing. But it wasn't just that it was how he ran a eunuch is like he can't get an erection. That's mad world right now. I don't think so. I don't know where he's got to be taken that Matt World. What's the movie? Where Mel Brooks goes? It's good to be king. Oh you're saying yes You're thinking of history of the world. Fucking Shit. Walter is don't worry about it. I just noticed one thing about ups with just anytime. I bring up a classic comedy. You say I love the part guys Weiner and I. It doesn't matter what it is like. I say I love. I love at night at the opera the Marcus Cedar. Dick's I'm like no you don't in the in the Pete cut you do in my bread. Yeah and your brain. Oh my God. Isn't it. Great when when Lucy's chocolate factory with ethel conveyor belt starts going way too fast and then all these Dick stir coming in. Remember that I yeah alone that I remember speaking of your letterman thing. My favorite late night appearance was when I did your show and I would never burden you with remembering this. I'll remember for both of us. You were making fun of me for not wearing a jacket and I think either your Andy said I looked like a use stereo salesman and I think it was you and and then I i. I just think it's because so many of these things are rehearsed and you know that they're produced with a segment producer. And that's just how it is. It's not battered. It's just what it is. In that moment I stood up and and asked for your coat and you gave it to me and I put on your coat and then I think we swap spots and I just did like a nerd voice and it was one of the. It was the first time I just went and everyone laughed. Because I'm making fun of the host and it was just one of those moments where I was like. Oh we did it. We we had. I was supposed to talk about fucking pixie sticks but instead we ate all the time just by Joe but I always think you know you've had a great You know I I if if you do a talk show and you didn't talk about people were laughing and you didn't get to one thing on the Blue Card. Yeah then you know you've had aid sublime perfect talk show appearance because And and it's not my favorite things have happened like you know. My favorite moments are just happenings. They're just things going wrong and I think that's another thing In in comedy Job where it's better when things go wrong now that's not true if you're CEO at Exxon or Halliburton. Or but things going wrong or a gift in comedy. If you're open to it if you're open to N N. There's so much tension in the room if you do something it doesn't work. There's a lot of tension and if you have the presence of mind to say. Well that's sucked. Yeah Man. Is this power to that. You know now. Then you've got to do something with it. You can't just say well that sucks because you then have to figure out what's the way out but it is rocket fuel that you would have what we're back to what I was saying about trying to create something that you're not sure about like when you're young and you're trying to prove yourself you have that built in but later the mistake is the gift that puts you on your heels and everyone that's why filmed. Improv will never be as good yes live in Prague. It doesn't that's why. Yeah it's like it's like a magic trick on television is never a As impressive as magic person and there's nothing they can do about it no matter what they do. You'll always say well you know. That's the camera tricks. No no this is their fake people. There stooges exactly you know. I had a good example of this is when I first started my late night. Show Ninety three ninety four. It's really early on and I'm just getting hammered and everything's going badly and people sentences state and then at one point the affiliate Houston won't the NBC. Affiliate won't even show me. They put me on my three in the morning. Which is a humiliation but I decided someone has yet. I should go to Houston shoot. What are people doing at three hundred morning when my show really airs and try and watch it go to Houston and I'm on night and so I really you know you lean into it? You lean that my instinct is. Let's not mentioned that. I'm on at three in the morning. At least that's humiliating. That would be my first instinct and you're saving or let's make a whole show about it so it right there and we're shooting an in a bus station and this became one of our most popular clips. I'm in a bus station. Am trying to shoot a thing where you can put a coin in. This is back in the day. This is how old this is. There used to be little coin-operated. Tv's in bus stations. That were welded to the arm of the bench yet. You sit on so you'd sit on the bench waiting for the bus and you'd put coins in and you could watch this terrible TV. So the joke was. I was sitting there putting coins in trying to find my show at three o'clock in the morning when all of a sudden is big scary biker guy walks in as the cameras are rolling in. He says what is what do you do in. Conan. What are you doing? And it's scary and it's weird and I looked up and go home and he asked me off. We don't show that shit here. We don't show that Shit here in in in Houston. We don't have that Shit here and I it's really and I just said well. Hi I'm kind of what's your name uses buffalo and this is huge high. Because in. Where's your fat friend. We know your friends. Well that's not nice to say I'm sort of doing the back on his heels Woody Allen Nevis scary and threatening and then we have we go back and forth anyway. Nice to meet you buffalo and I wish you well and grin and he goes well we just don't show that Sierra de Wanders off and I sit down and the camera stays right in the camera I said Okay I just almost murdered and it became one of the biggest anniversary show and I was old not scripted and real and raw but I always thought you can learn so much from that moment of just playing with what's really happening. Yeah it's it's redemption. I think that's it's not just one of the key things that we love and comedy. It's one of the key things we love in Earth would like to think that the universe's marketing towards redemption. In that moment you're taking something that was legitimately scary and shifting it. Mike rebellious as your the joke later. It which is a great line of his where I'm like. That's feel so good even just to think about. Yeah Yeah I I find. Do you find because you've done I'm curious about this. You are very good at going out on a stage and talking for forty five minutes or an hour and doing your comedy but then you have these other experiences. Obviously you can do crowd work. But in the podcast you can talk to people. I've always found that if my voice if I'm the only one talking for too long I feel like I'm I don't have my superpower but if other people are involved I feel like I can find it an eye in. What's your experience with it? I think that's such a great hurdle to have to get over and to identify because it means you're paying attention to like what is funny. And what makes you come alive? And I had that same problem coming from Improv. Into stand up until I don't know if I thought of it or if someone helped me think of it or someone just said it. But it's like you are improvising or you are having a conversation. It's just they're talking and laughs so like you can recall it throwing myself. I think that's just what we all call it. Maybe you're riffing. You're doing crowd work but it's with you so often what I'll do is I'll say something and I'll just be like You know now now go across the street and I'm afraid if they don't have a mask and they don't laugh and I go I guess a lot of people have said that well maybe not a lot of you know you. Just go to that like now. You're you're finding your scene partner and it's your anxiety or you're finding your scene partner and it's a weird noise that they made. I know you do that and I've seen you do that. But that's how I tell myself you're not really alone the way they show stand up and TV and movies like the. It's always like just guy dying in a light and I'm like that's what's happening. There's a lot of information being exchanged. Yes and it's and it's not my mantra before I go on stage as I say it's not about the words. I say that out loud I go. It's not about the words. Because it's about. The words are an excuse to share a space wherein to be silly and to discover stuff together to play and if. I start thinking like well. How does that job go? Do I say this part? I hear that I just have to go. It's not about that. I know you know that it's not a good example of this which I heard it makes perfect sense. Hitchcock used to completely story board his movies with all the visuals and all the scenes and what the audience is going to see. And once you have that. Go back and write the dialogue. And when I if you look at north by northwest or psycho or you know just any of his classic movies you can see that yeah. That's that's why they're so. Good is the words and the words are great but they're secondary he was like he just decided it's just what you said was words are not important and I found that if you put yourself out there and you're just listening sometimes you can get my favorite last. You're saying nothing. My favorite lasts. Are you know we've had some like Nikki? Glaser will come on the show and she'll be talking you know and not in cheap way. She's very funny sharp She'll be talking in this very funny way about her vagina and I'm not be going on about how she's not happy with how it looks and she'll say it looks like hastily packed suitcase and bill. Just be cuts to me and I'm not saying anything and I'm not even looking at the camera and doing the absolutely nothing but I have a slight. You can see my thin lips or getting a little thinner and and and Pale. But I'm a little Paler and I'm not moving. I'm not moving at all. And the crowd says laughing and she'll keep going on and on about it and I realized Lis- is if I jumped in and started to say. Oh well tell me more about that. Yeah Alright it's known as that's no great house Brian when women's talking about her Vagina. It's time for their manned and let it all play out you know. That's that's really really funny. Yeah I wonder this is a leading question. So feel free to duck it but like I uncovered psychologically for me growing up. I didn't really feel like I was being super listen to all the time. You've you've met my parents. They're they're wonderful people like me. They can be in their own world or they're hopefully like I used to be. I'd like to think I'm growing but like of it comes from a place of like the reason I love talking to. You is because you get a very high pitched. This person is listening to me. The reason I like talking to an audience as I'm getting this constant flow of feedbacks proof that they're listening to me. I wonder if you as a kid where we're craving that. Were you looking for somebody to really see you? Yeah I think I've talked about this ally but classic Middle Child Syndrome but six kids. My family born three months apart You know in the Irish Catholic tradition and you could and both parents working so I remembered for a long time as a kid feeling like I don't have a personality. You know my oldest brother Neal. He's the this way and that Luke Stat Way and felt the exact same way is why I bought a leather studded jacket. I was like maybe I'm a punk rocker. Like I bought a leather studded jacket. Yeah it was like is this. I know it's ridiculous but I went through so many phases whereas like a monocle. Maybe I'm the guy that was really you know I didn't wear a monocle but I remember like I remember thinking. I'm a drummer and I am going to have sticks in my back pocket and I'm like I'm not draw our own really did and then I fi. I'm government guy. He knows a lot about government. I'm going to one day. Be a great civil. Not that I don't I don't like any of I kept patrol. It's almost like you're trying on costumes from a hastily pack suitcase. Yeah exactly exactly but like you're just trying things and I was like I'm literary Guy Eri Guy and Edna trying these different things and then finally Kind of reminded of again. This is your listeners may not know what. I'm talking about but when I was a kid there was a very popular toy craft toy you get a craft. It it was. You'd get this block of what looked like a marble or something and it was like a by six inches high and three inches deep. You know and you chip away at it with like Toy Chisel and the outside is really soft and then when you all away there was a statue inside of a classic statue and it's got to paint it and it was this really goofy thing like basically they took a statue a toy statue within covered it in some and that was hard and covered it some less hard clay. But the the feeling was that you were doing it that you rely Alangelo and so it's a really dumb toy a gift or craft and it was meant for kids like six to eight but I remember thinking that's a little like being in your Growing up because there is this you'll you're supposed to be it's in there and you're hacking away at you have no. That was the thing with this game was. They had no idea. You had no idea like what is going to be. You found it by doing by chiseling away. That's what I found. Is that there. Is this me that was there any just took years and years in years to figure it out and and I thought I had it crazy. Well figured out in ninety three when I got the show and then it turned out there still a lot more to figure out in it happened on the air and now there's I think that's going back to your first question. It's like what keeps you going. Is You keep looking for? Is this other thing that I can do that. I don't know yet or this other part supposed to play that I haven't found yet and so it can sound a little mystical but I do think it's that curiosity Is there is there? Another act here. Is there another thing I might say? Act I don't mean stick I mean is there another act to this play or is this tiny it and then? I somebody you're looking you're looking and I look at myself whenever I see pictures of me from seventies eighties or even the early nineties. I'm like man he's still trying to figure it out. You know he's He's he's dressing this way because he doesn't know now he's this. Kinda guy and then he's trying to be that kind of guy and he. It took years of chiseling away to find out that I'm really a statue of the DONNAS A- I have so much about that you let's start with this because he told me a great piece of advice. Let me see if I can load you into it without giving away about hitting a consistent note yet. Would you mind sharing that because it reminds me of what you're saying well it never on? This was my my philosophy I think somewhat is that I think we all dream of coming out and there's suddenly stealing focus and it was like who's that guy who's actually homes you know and suddenly you light up in your the big hits and everyone else melts away. And you're you become the star of the show and I think that's what people fantasize about and that's how it's portrayed in movies often as you now than that one night. Someone broke their leg and I stepped up and I was really nervous in my voice squeaked and then but then suddenly I did this. I was talk of the town. And then there's a concierge if a person becoming huge I think to me. It's I always felt like There's a lot of noise out there. And I liken it a little bit too. Everybody's playing their instruments every and it's very discordant and everyone's playing a different instrument and hitting a million different notes in it's live noise and there's big and all and sometimes I feel like they just have a little triangle and I'm just going team but if I can make that sound good and if I can play it consistently over time people are GonNa go either that triangle. Picking up on that you know and that's always been And and always I think Ben my sort of hung having some humility about it just now figuring out what it is. I do try and play that note clearly at overtime. That note will be heard. It'll stand out because of the consistency consistency. And because it's unique and that's always been my hope anyway And it means You know we have such a culture of sexy short attention span culture and we had such. There's so much you think about it. There used to be used to be fifteen people in showing daytime show business in other Heinsohn. Entre Dean Martin Jerry Lewis. You know. They're they're they're literally. Were like fifty and everybody knew who everybody was. There's been crosby and in he. He's GonNa Bickering House. Bob Hope Bob Hope's going to bicker with Milton. Berle and and right and Milton. Berle is GONNA Joke about you know. Make a joke about someone. Took my joke from my job. Volts and I should quickening my writers so much and there's Jack Benny he's cheap and there's the martin he he drinks too much and there's Frank Sinatra. He's the chairman liberal forever when scared him and so everyone was in on the joke because there were so it was a club they were in and things were so homogeneous in way and now of course we live in this world where there's just hundreds of hundreds of thousands of people in show business by way of social media and so in a way. I feel like now more than ever you have to just kind of try and figure out what you WanNa do and what feels right to you and what was the message you want to put out there. And what's the kind of work you want to do? And just tryin Tryin do that to the best of your ability and if your habit is to check amount of buzzfeed list did they write about the unfold. Sure you're going to be disappointed because you know. Yeah every now. And then you'll get a nice mentioned for something but if if you're if the if you're just looking for that kind of kardashian attention it's not gonNA happen. Do you know what I mean. How this It can. I'm shocked. At how many times I forget that like I'll see a list come out and I'm like what are you doing? Pd This isn't what we're in this for scrolling through. They gave it to me. You know what I mean like. Like what are you doing? You didn't get into this for a list. I also wonder if you feel this way. I'm sort of not sort of. I am grateful that when I was young Youtube and instagram and all these things didn't exist because I might have thrown. All of my will into them failed in a way that doesn't matter right but because I was sensitive I would've taken it. I'm GonNa tell the so briefly just because I think you'll like it. The listeners have heard it before. But Gary Larson who did the far side. Yeah he's he submitted it to fifty papers he didn't hear back. He got frustrated. He drove to Chicago and he sold it he gets home. He has fifty rejection letters. And he's like if I had stayed home and garden the rejection letters I would acquit but I'm so glad I left town and was instead pitching it in Chicago and selling it instead of getting the. I'm afraid that if I had been on instagram when I was in my twenties I would've gotten so much hate or failure or whatever thought it really mattered by and then ever have like reached. I don't WanNa say real show business. But like this show business the Hollywood showbiz you feel similarly like what will like. Everyone grows up in their time and there's advantages and disadvantages I do. I have sympathy for people today. I think it must be tough I is A Name I was thinking about it. I was in comedy a long time. Did a lot of stuff and I But there was very little like there's a lot of stuff for me that happened or as making people laugh and there was nobody there was it was not taped. It wasn't filmed and I was very grateful for that later on. You know because I always used to thank you. It's nice to go off and be bad With no one watching it now. Nobody does anything without according it and putting it out there. That's how you do it by making it. Public is what it is like. Yeah what doing it means. Yeah and so And there is and of course you know there's so many different gradations. There are people that earn a pretty decent living. Show saying this is what I ate and this is what I'm wearing today. And so bad gets thrown into the same pot was somebody who worked really hard inside of a sketch you know. It can get confusing and I would I so I think how it is an clearly people do because there are all these really funny Young people out there. They're doing great work but I do think they're up against war difficulties because there's so much noise there's just so much noise out there that it'd be very hard and let's say you are really funny really prolific. There is a a million outlets that. Want your comedy special and what they WanNa do is get it and then stream it in Jimmy Down People's throats and then suddenly you've been working for three years to get this straight set and it's done with your next want now that's existed for a while but I think it you know a little bit more like a fire hose. Now I agree. Yeah it's an N. I do think that it's People can do really great work now in be overlooked and so You know it's again. We're going back to the the Ang. Yes it's easier probably to be seen but many more people are being seen so being seen means less than it used to being which means you do needs to be that much better so you know I always go back to. I'm glad that I for advantages and disadvantages unhappy that I came up when I did The idea of trying to make it starting from scratch now scare the hell I wouldn't do. I wouldn't know what to do. I'm glad that I made so how many how many people watched the old your first show. I mean wouldn't it be millions of people? Yeah being millions and millions of people saw me and the first one in ninety three. I mean we set. I don't remember but people tune in especially that first night and we would do specials every now and then yeah you get millions. And millions of people watching and that it's so fragmented now But it's funny I don't you can. Sometimes thankful grumpy old man saying what am I gay. You Know Notch people I think will fewer shameful watch each saying but then sometimes I'll look at the youtube numbers. And if you do something really good like forty million people will watch whole John. You do that. People really liked and I'll think okay. That's actually an advantage now. That if you do something that really catches with people over time it's crazy. How many people see it? You know it can be numbers can just add up and then does it travels worldwide in if if You know I'm lucky that some of the stuff. I do very physical and silly not topical so I'll be hearing people barely speak any English. That are from a completely different. Part of the world is CEO. I love that I saw that video you did. And I think that's different that didn't examine ID's in the nineties. Saami at twelve thirty five on NBC. Or You didn't see me right now. We're in this amazing worlds where you know. I can do all this stuff while. I'm in Korea and really connect with the people in Korea and get fans for life who get me and they why why? Now this is crazy. It's all because of the Internet so it is miraculous. It's I don't pretend to understand it. I try not to over. Think it but it is a given. Yeah I think so. I I think everything is eventually you know you. It's that yours. Go back to that. I know that you're into this stuff and I find it really helpful. Do but at that Buddhist thing of The monk who just kept saying perhaps you know You know they go to the monk and they say this is such good fortune. I understand that you you have a brand new home. And it's up on the top of that Hill. At such good fortune he goes perhaps and then fled comes in his house washes away and they go. This is terrible. Your House on the hill is gone. Now this was must be terrible and he goes perhaps but because it washed away exposed gold so now he has gold may go. This is great. The goal now. Isn't that terrific? Perhaps but because he has gold some thieves confidence. And it just keeps going back in divorce and just keeps my aristocrats. I like telling that joke. Yeah I've never. I've never wanted to tell the joke where it's like. And then she shits interface like I don't like that I like telling that then thing. That's my aristocrat. I mean that is when people try you do interviews and people are people. Try to tease out. So is it better today or worse today. You WanNa say it's better today right. You go perhaps today. Perhaps so. It's better that we have the Internet. Perhaps Munich worse that we have the Internet. Perhaps you know It's it's And I do feel that you mentioned being on lists like if someone tells me. Hey you're on a list of funny people I always feel. Perhaps I always feel like well that just means I won't be on it next year. And who else is on? And then they'll mention someone else will be on it but you love someone else will be on it and you're like wait a minute tax cuts next year. You'RE NOT ON THE LIST. So wait you're gonNA feel good about yourself one year and then not good about yourself next year it yet. So I I do think there is Each generation figures out how to make it work or has their challenge is how to figure out how to make it work in their time in their timeframe you know. Yeah that's so I just. I like the challenge of okay. Been doing this for a really long time. But how can I try to make something humorous today from my house during a corona virus? That will go out there and might resonate listen people and feel like it's for me so that's the challenge today you know. Yeah you told me something like that. you also said. I think it was when I was doing your show as a guest. He said it's funny. You'll do show that you think will break the Internet. Everyone's GonNa retire about it and then you know some people may be but not really and he goes and then you do a show where you're going to see that I'm a fraud. They're going to cancel me and no one's really talking about it and I carry that with me to every show certainly every late night appearance that I do and I'm just like there's so much power in freedom it's kind of the perhaps of yeah performance. You're like yeah but when you know that there's a there's a great saying and I can't believe I'm blanking on his name right now because I know Disguises of Nazareth go Jesus at her character Richard Time. Yes you know. It's ridiculous in blanking on his name. 'cause it's very famous Producer I'll think of it in a second but he was He was a guy who had worked with Jack. Benny frears Japanese. Pretty certain he was the producer of tonight show and Legendary producer of the tonight show and I'll think of his name in a second is crazy that I can't stand aging process and when you have gasoline is what happens but he He is saying the actually said. It's made person which is it's never is good and it's never as bad and I was like wow meaning It it. It's a little depressing. You can choose which way you want to look at it. Is this depressing? It's never as good as he thought. It's never as bad but it's especially true in television television and I think it translates stuff online. It has this way of you can be. You can just feel this absolute elation while you're doing it and the crowds with you and everything's sank and you think I'm GONNA get a Nobel Peace Christ church for this show that it's in the mail. I bet they're mailing to me right now from Oslo. This is such a good show and you hear like you don't hear much about it and then you have another show where you'll think. Oh my God they're gonNa they're gonNA cancel US half weights. This is an thing. Why would anyone? You don't really hear about that so yeah I don't know I think you're living like a magnified. There is a deep lesson here when you talk about seeing yourself as a bike messenger and not remember. Yeah it also reminded me of Steve. Martin told a story of hearing himself on Sirius Radio and he was laughing but he didn't know him he was like who is this young kid. He's hilarious because the ad break they go St Martin which I love. But it's like You're realizing that life is written on running water and that's either sad or it's not your sort of thrown into the situation where you really need to figure out is the fact that the moment is all we have that this podcast is all. We're doing right now that you and I think we've talked about the archives of Johnny Carson. Show and how you know like our people throwing on an episode from nine thousand nine hundred seventy one. I know some people think first of all before I forget was ready to. Cordoba was the producer so I wanna give a shoutout Freddie the Gordon and his his sort of Buddhist mantra. It's never good and it's never as bad which is also perhaps in what you just said is were you can choose to be either depressed or elated About the fact that everything we're doing is writing on on water You know think about it you bring up. Carson and his archives. Because Johnny did his show for thirty years and it was the biggest show America. It's still thought of as like the archetypal gold standard late night show and most of it. Most of them were thrown away. Most of them they were all stored in New Jersey and sometime in the mid seventies some accountant at NBC said. Hey when are we paying for the? What'S ALL THIS SPACE NEW JERSEY? Some say oh those are all how carson tapes and he's like we'll get rid of it because if it's time nullify they thought of these shows is air that night there over in a couple of clips we've saved for anniversary shows but they don't have all of the Johnny Carson's I don't think they have his first ten years they have. He went on sixty two for my sixty two certainly to and then. I don't think I think there's a big chunk of the seventies this missing. They've got a few little clips here and there but mostly is on this amazing stuff of a young Johnny Carson Interviewing Groucho Marx. Or Jack Benny or Jonathan winters. Or you know doing all this stuff and it's gone it's just gone and so that's how I feel about tiger king reality show footage. Yeah Yeah I didn't watch it. You did watch your watched it. Yeah should've got a bigger laugh. No but you know what he I was just couldn't believe he didn't back up his backup. That's what man I know. You know what there's a Buddhist expression for when people die they they don't say they died. They say his library burn down. Isn't that sort of like a poetic? Is that true? It's a euphemism it. It's an expression those like Janis. Library burned down like when he passed what they should do. It makes me now think we have to back up our lives right. You have so you have to make up. You have to back up. They need to make Apple has to make something like this massive art drives. And you know. I think that's GonNa Happen. Your kids I think are gonNA live in a world where you know how you think it's crazy if you haven't backed up your phone a month that's how they're going to be like people just used to go out in the world where you could get hit by a car or fallen a volcano and like you just didn't back yourself up but like what will be backing up is certainly literally the question of philosophy for all the other thing is. We have near the existential question. Nos We now have will soon have a generation that lived eight. You know people that lived eighty five years have a photograph of every meal. They ever eight. Yeah those photographs going in the cloud. But they're taking server space and as we all know go to a graveyard and After after ten fifteen years not that many people are going to the grave anymore because people get on with their own lives and then they took so graveyards are often so people who who no one attends grave because anyone who knew them is gone. So that's what's going to be happening is our is going to be Just billions and billions and trillions of photographs of. Look this slice. This is the you know. Look look look this. I had this incredible raspberry sorbet Click Andrea know. Who Ate it? Why did they? Why did they take a photo of IT IN AMSTERDAM? They they cycle through the graveyard's I went to something called the Museum of death. And it was all these exhumed glasses and Monaco's and weird things that they find in people's graves because the land to bury people so scarce that every seventy years fifty years a dig it out the anymore. That when I when I I I guess some people off but whenever I pass you know when I pass like just beautiful beautiful You know countryside or land in an area where there isn't a lot of land and just dance with gray. It's like New York when you coming in from the airport in from the Air Force. That should just be huge feels. That kids can play like people that are alive. Now you know and Yeah I don't know I I I don't believe in. I don't WanNa take up space like that. I've always said when I go. I want to be left naked in field so that can be found by Kids and frighten them and you WANNA BE A NEW YORK POST HEADLINE. Yeah to make what we were saying less depressing because there are two ways to look at it. I think the depression of everything being written on running water or the Johnny Carson shows have been Sold off by some Middle Management Guy. The so that is sad right. The other side of it is what so many people seem to have figured out a quantum people have figured out which is the gift and is the present moment if everything is just a memory and the future doesn't exist yet it it in abused the moment with added richness around us quote that otherwise would be spent on denial of death. But like when you make peace with that you can actually lock into this and enjoy the moment and boy. Today's talk show that that's what I mean. You're in the pressure cooker. You gotTa have you ever. You've seen footage of Alava flow right like molten lava and they'll show it be often like in Hawaii and what I always notice this. Awhile ago is the the front edge is glowing and really cool to look at and then because it's a lava flow a river the front edges glowing ends shooting off steam. It has dislike yellow orange intensity and then it rolls over and is then on the bottom of the lava and the Front's Venison new front which is willing and in that thing that you're just looking at captured your imagination is now and it's quickly turning into grey stone. I'm just like yes. I've always thought I'm not smart enough to figure out how this is a euphemism or analogy. But I know that intuitively. That is what we're doing is we just is trying to live in that part and as best you can because the rest of it just calcified is just a in-in hardened layer on you're just You know you're someone's Stone bathroom floor. Yeah but see free free. People people who have been diagnosed with something are often can become free or just other people that have achieved other ways seemed to have that awareness that they are the briefly glowing lava at the front. They're the ones so accurate. Tola who I love is a great teacher. He's great he's great but I I've listened. I've also I've but I listened to his tapes and they're not paying I'll let you get your point a second November earlier when I said it's important to listen and I got something I want to say. So Blah Blah Blah. No actually. I was once listening to his second book or something he. He's on tape and he's talking about the madness of the EGO and ended. The EGO is created madness. And he was going on and on about people who are self centered and they can never would be moment and I was driving my car listening to this tape getting a lot of life good stuff from it and he went and we often see the the worst these people the worst these people offered that comedians. We see on television now. He says the God who were just. Everything's a joke in the NFL. Quite it's all noise and they're trying to fill themselves up with noise and he's basically describing are living. I slow remembered us on the four. Oh five freeway. I pulled over to the breakdown lane with Picard Tart and put my head on the steering wheel. Oh my God. They felt like listening. And he's like and the worst the worst of all of them and I say I think he's GonNa say that dictators are you and you knew there was a chance he might be like like Conan O'Brien island you go but Cardinal Brians sic manifestation of Ego Gone Wild with madness you can always turning and desperation to and to see if they're riff has any prude exactly pretending has streams on his hips and then cutting knipling a sad display cosmetic immaturity without fury again. This ties into your Improv teacher. Because he says I've heard him be critical of being clever. Yeah because he's if you're clever all you're doing is thinking about things and all these spiritual teachers are talking the danger in objectify buying everything if it's an object and you can have a relationship with through thought so you have no thoughtless meaning free experience of just a garden. You're just going like why is it called a rose. We could've called it a tutor. That would be different. A tutor by any other name would be just swayed. Changed History by our brains are robbing us of enjoying a botanical garden. Well you can look at it another way. Which is all of these great philosophers like Are just jealous of COMEDIANS. What if what if? What if? They're just not funny and they comedians. They're always like and the worst is being clever or being funny or saying something that someone has last this obscene. You are inside and how you the Wedge Right. You're just like a day that you came up to me in high school and took my apple an pulled my briefs over law the worst with your jokes like having a his cosmic. Yeah he's having his revenge she's trying to say to anyone who's clever or instills. Laughter is should is just is sick ego. Gone Mad and like okay. All right so bas- I three really. There was a girl you had a crush on but there was a guy it was really funny in class. Who got the girl? I'm going to devote myself but the fight against cleverness it's the fuck you clown of jokes. Fuck you CLEM. I was GONNA say he recommends this and I love it. It's it's hard to do but I do. You just said you do and you know not me. That's that should be the clip from this whole shop but it's in Jersey man this clips in Jersey. It's going to be sold out. What I'm saying is he would have. He suggests that you watch time. Lapse footage sped up or a time corrected meaning. The frame rate is corrected footage of like the turn of the century like New York City. He's on Youtube New York City. Turn of the century if you just watch it silently and consider that everyone in that video was debt. Has they're all dead but they all have problems. They're all a rush all like I gotta get to work. They're getting in a model a and they're trying to get to their job. And everything seems so real. So this is the other side of the conundrum of everything being written on water. The free person goes it's written on water. What a miracle that. I'm here right now at all of that story is just robbing me of the rich. It's funny that you mentioned that because I'm obsessed with turn of the century footage and I love that you know it's like what they did With a shall not grow old where they tape footage show. Yeah and they can make these adjustments so it was very easy to look at footage from nineteen ten say New York nineteen ten and say that doesn't I can't relate to that because those people are walking in real hurt herky-jerky way and it's grainy and they're not like me that's from a different universe when they slow the when they correct. John Ocean correct footage. And you can see that. They're just like us there during way too many clothes and their teeth are terrible but When you when you look at look at footage sometimes and I was just looking at some. There's some motion corrected footage of New York in. You see like a ferry coming in and people getting off the ferry and you see and I was trying to pick out individual people when I see others. That guy whose job is to grab the rope and tie the rope and he does and then helps lower. And then all these mostly Horses and carriages come off is a few cars. But they're pretty crude And I'll just pick individual people and think yeah. They're all doing their thing and they're gone. They're all gone and all of them had stuff to do but no one record with any of them were up to and right and if there is that that person was one in two hundred million you know Frank Lloyd Wright or somebody famous or might know a little bit about what they were up to but most of it's just gone and I think when you can channel that we're now living in this time right. Do think people there are people that are checking their phones every day and trying to find what their status is. How many likes they guy. And they're being driven mad by there being driven insane. It doesn't mean anything. That's why it's not to depress you. And if you find one that has like Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah over it like just forget it like you're the rest of your day your heart's GonNa be so wide open right not gonna like looking at the person the eyes of that crying right. But there's the sad part of it. Sounds like we're moping but I really find that these are edifying. It's like another Spiritual practice that I have is. What were you worried about a month ago? So when my problems in my as Eker Tony? What's my emotions are very overwhelming. It's like you just need to know. They're like waves. They come and they go and they come and they go and there's a piece to be found in that young you look at other people or you could look at yourself and say what you don't even remember being the Bike Messenger. That Bat Conan was very worried about whether or not somebody at a party. Thought that you call them fat or whatever it was right. You're you're anxious about that and it's gone so there's like a real sizzle of a wave on the beach that you can rest in and go if it's not achieving if it's not overcoming problems if it's not getting to work on time what is the point. Some people would say nothing. I would say there's a bigger point that like you know I won't get into that. Well no I put a button on it to put a button on. I everything I've said if anyone listening to this thing that I'm being a Downer or I I'm not it's actually the opposite. These are the things that I find free. I find that because I have a very regimented. Catholic upbringing and I've always thought everything was really important and then I was. You know I could a lot of pressure on myself to make stuff that I thought because it was all so important and so I have found that this way of thinking has helped me immeasurably. I don't know if I could have thought this way my twenties or thirties. I think some of it's just getting older and now that I'm finally forty. I'm able that's hilarious. Why did I'm forty really we? We should really film these because you just stared at me waiting for me and I was like I'm GonNa let it ride. Let it play. I was born now. I gotTa do matter. They're actually you're born. You're born in nineteen eighty yes. Now ally I I am fifty six and I think you know this is we I know we have. People are obsessed with being on everything. I've enjoyed myself more as I've gotten older I just calmed down a bit and I I don't even expections note. No wise man ever wished to be younger. I think that's so right on except the erections I mean. Can I ask those credible? A I think you're thinking of a history of the world? The thing that I this is not to talk about Leno. I personally air about that. But you've alluded to several times in your life having been reduced to rubble and what my teachers have shown me. Is that when you survive the thing? You thought you couldn't survive and yet you remain. It makes you question who you are. I don't like like the story of who you are. The way gap receipt. Yes was that your experience. I'm again I'm not talking about why they were. I mean does that went through it. I mean I honestly think there are probably seven different points in my life where I thought. That's it it's over And people famously know about you know the time in two thousand nine two thousand two thousand ten with tonight show but they were the other ones. Yeah well a nineteen ninety three when I started late night. Show An end that looked and I mean on. By every measure it was a failure immediately by medically and ratings and it just every across the board in it was just a brutal a two year spanking machine. I had to go through and and I don't Moan about that because You know it was just. It was what I needed to go through and it was it. Was You know I was replacing? Letterman? You know in the end so knowing who I was and so it all made sense but it just was something that was really tough and then I'm GonNa just keep going back through my life and finding moments where I really thought. Well it's over You Know I. My career hasn't worked out. I'm not getting ready to go. And my best days are behind me. I'm GONNA head thoughts that my twenties and I had thought like bad you know. I was very insecure Student so I had a lot of insecurity. People think of me as someone who probably sailed through school on. This wasn't the case. I was very insecure about you know my ability and so were many times where I was going to despair about. Well this is it. I'll never amount to anything. And I just think that going through those has been elemental for me. It's been really import and may try and say to people to young people. I really liked sense. Creepy at really like young people but I really do get a lot of. I love working with young writers young people who are like in their twenties and they I find it so life affirming just you that people can be so talented and funny and a complete you know. He's so young and I always try to cheer them up by telling them trust me. You'RE GONNA have seven different times. Resent you've completely blown it and it's funny. Oh keep going. Well just you know like Nixon. You'll rise again. I was GonNa say you know you mentioned being Catholic. One of my. Maybe my greatest teacher right now. Richard Rory as a Franciscan and he was writing about. I always thought it was weird The Catholic Cross has Jesus on it. Yeah and and he's converted meaning. I now think it's completely appropriate. Still a little bit eerie to have Jesus up there because his thing is that the point of Christianity is winning through losing. That God is or truth is or reality is revealed to you. The mystery winks it. You in those moments and I don't mean that in a Western way like sure Conan have two years of the spanking machine but look at them now baby. I don't mean that that's like how you know I don't WanNa see other people might put that. I'm talking about like something deep and profound that was transformed in. Jinan ged with you. That has nothing to do. With Your Bank. Account or your. How many vocalists? You'RE ON IF YOU DON'T MIND. Aleta game account and the number of volts euless. I'd been on. Let's just see winning nobody. No you're you're right you can just and I I think we're all going through a time right now where I don't care who you are or what you've achieved when in the craziness of this cove in nineteen pandemic and it it. It feels like whatever you think you've built in your life. Whatever you think you've accomplished is just yet. You made this intricate clever thing on sketch and then something comes along. Jakes it gotta that you know I mean we've all had moments of thinking. Oh okay this is something that I couldn't even imagine three months ago four months ago which is couldn't even you know someone said to you or any of US anyone listening right now six months ago. Yeah and we're all going to be in our homes for months it's going to bring the economy to a dead halt people in there. Otherwise healthy people in their thirties and forties are GONNA be gone. You'd think that. Oh what are you talking about? That's not that's not. No that's not the thing to worry about the thing about is why is Malini on that list. And I'm not you know and I right right what just go after. Mullane. 'cause I don't listen to it and I just don't lovely so don't even clarify because it's the highest compliment day. We could be like what the fuck is. Everybody ought about mullany. I can't think of another comedian that we could say that and not be like. I'M NOT KIDDING. You know exactly. We don't even have to clarify. There's no one out there I think he's one of the few comedians who so good. No one thinks he's getting away with murder. That's exactly right the rest of us to be like add guys get away with murder so he's got a funny name once that God you we're we're wrapping up here. I- i- Sony told me only had an hour but and she stuff. I'm glad I'm glad that we're getting the full episode. I was GONNA ask you. I remember you used to wear a Lance Armstrong style bracelet. That had Do you remember this. Oh DEF- low base. How well does too? Yeah one is low based home. I'll talk about Tom Deathbed was I was at a suburban avangard party once and it was this guy walking around making bracelets for people and he could make them on the spot like press them out of tin than you'd wear the bracelet and he was walking around and he is kind of pretentious. You Know Cohen. He- gone through my stop people wearing these bracelets he could make a second. So people were wearing them that said breathe and tomorrow is now and whatever leverage exactly yeah. They're Agno COMEDIANS ECKHART. But then he just said to me what. What can I put on your bracelet. I say quip deathbed on it anyway. He thought he was wet. Deathbed he said why. Would you want deathbed and they went. 'cause you know like in life you WanNa think. Is this what I'm GONNA BE WORRIED ABOUT? When I'm on my deathbed you know like when I'm leaving this earth in that bed. Am I really going to be worried about this? Then so that was one of them but the thing I love that yeah. That's that's momentum Maurya. That's remember that you'll die which is not to be sad. I I said this a million two million more. I hate brushing my teeth. I'm forty one. I just don't want to do it and every time I do. I go pete. This might be the last time you brush your teeth like really own that and then I don't mind doing it right. I'm what I'm feeling it. I'm tasty all that stuff comes to life because I go I know you. It's not exactly the same thing you're saying. Don't worry about it. 'cause you're just. GonNa who cares when you're right. It brings the moment to life but the other one was. When I first met my wife I met Liza. We were talking and I said I think our society is too obsessed with the high rise of like sublime happiness. Do you know what I mean like That's what our culture is. Why you see it in commercials all the time special. Come outside there will be like a landrover commercial. I always love this on Christmas morning. The the husband and the wife come out there's two land rovers there with bows on them. And you're like what what I mean when you went a plane an engine and hit the hit the RS. Yeah Yeah exactly. I think I done well in life. I can't imagine ever ever like who they making this commercial for. Yeah and also who? He bought her one. She bought him one. And there's each have a bow on them and gender matching bows they to the same Bo company country each other but I mean that people were obsessed with that kind of delight and I said I said well I'm sort of more interested in low base Of Happiness just this low base found of gratification running through my life and there is higher notes on top of it and lower notes. But it's just this low base Tom so then. My wife had that made into a bracelet but she gave it to him in the person the person who made it shoved although areas really close together and it certainly gave me to sing at. You look like it has real meaning. Look it says I looked at it. I went Lo- Bassam honestly. I'm not kidding it's like what's no Bassam. She's like no read it carefully when I don't know what low Bassim is and I started to get irritated as how. Why didn't they put spaces between go about it? Completely undid message of bracelet was to this day. I still have it. It's like leather with a little bit of not a lot out. Still looking at some towns in those those letters need to be separated Bassam. It sounds like the pharmaceutical drug in the movie. The fugitive. Yeah we're here. You go so they could give you low Bassam. It's actually pro VASIC. I've seen that many times. I love that I'm going to send you some. Cbd FOR YOUR BACK. That is the the gift for the guests. Have you ever tried? Cbd. I never have. You're going to dry up. I'm GonNa send you some Charlotte's web. Cwm DOT com slash weird. If other people WANNA TRY IT. Keep it crispy. Nineteen is the Promo Code. I have it right here. It's called look. It says recovery on their. This is some good shit ship for your body. That'd be good so much. The LEGS GET I. You know what I do. I don't stretch enough so I'll crank really hard. My bike out run really hard and then I you know like all right time to go. Talk to Pete. I don't do the necessary. I know tour. I have no interest. I have no interest in stretching. Limber PEOPLE STS. I took a tiger balm off my wrist. So you wouldn't tease me. We're almost out of time. I wanted to. I know you know this. We always talk about God. We've talked about it indirectly this whole time which is one of my favorite ways to talk about it so we don't have to spend a Lotta time here. I'm interested in what you think What you were taught that God is what you think. God is now If you've ever taken psychedelics that's a good one. I love how you you. This is your wrap up question at the end of the universe but then obviously what I was taught was very specific is again. Jesus did this. And then he did that. And this is where God is and this is what his chair looks like and And then this yeah and the more specific. It was the more uncomfortable. God I had religious instruction you know the Comedian Brian. Kylie and I actually went to the same We we went to the same place called Senecal just at Brighton. Mass and we both went there and you go there after school and there were nuns in the whole non outfit and they would teach us on this high hill in this stone building we would learn a a number once As a kid raising my hand and asking the none what's heaven like and the Non said? What's your favorite thing to do? I said color my coloring book sadly the time I was thirty five I was a I was probably like ten or nine or something I said. Oh I like coloring. In My Cohen book or eight I keep making it lower to be less embarrassing was I think I was too. I was in the womb. Anyway she said to me. What's your favorite thing to do? And I said calling my calling book and she said Well Heaven. Is You do that all the time forever. And I couldn't sleep for days afterwards. 'cause that's horrifying horrifying like actually sounds like hell but yet you know. Boa Treasury books. Well Okay I'm done. That was kind of fun and I did it for an hour. I do it for every alice until so it's all the donuts in the world. Yeah homer's hell. Yeah and so I. You know as I've gotten along in years. I like losing the specificity losing so I I I have to stop you. That is so good. That is what Richard Rohr and others that I know. You love. Say that spirituality so much about learning than yeah. Yeah yeah to me getting out of that you know when you have that feeling you know when you have that feeling that you've been good or you've made someone happy or you've connected or they make you happy. I think that's that's all there is to me. That's the essence of it. I think the keyword there is connection to that that one of I'm reading a book called the divine dance by Richard which is about the trinity and his whole point is the fifth reason. There's a triune God is that God is relationship and God is revealed and relationship right now. When you're making somebody happy it's not just the boy scout badge you created the energy and the flow of God in that exchange. That is well. That's the other thing that obviously She wanted a huge revelations. One of the best things I learned in college. You know mostly colleges forgetting what you learned. But when when I was taught the concept that there is no such thing isn't altruistic act that there is no altruism because if I do something for somebody else I'm getting undoing it because I want to. Rian is you're you're never completely clear like of you want to be well thought of so you're fed and sexed yes and so yeah and you. WanNa be a also you want to not only be well thought of but even if you donate anonymously you're adding to your own sense of your hood wiggins providing you nourishment so once you get to data idea. I think that's best a lot which is just you know. Get over yourself just You you know you now when you feel when you when you have a good moment with somebody whether it's a good interview or or a a great exchange or just something you just have one of those nice magical moments. That's probably as good as it gets you know and I think magical means getting over yourself forgetting yourself right. People have it. Skydiving lavish performing. I think it's one of the reasons why you and I are drawn to performing is you have. It's absurd for me to say it but I mean it when you small Conan are playing the part of big Conan both Conan sort of vanish. You're just in the Moma right. What I'm saying is absurd or paradoxical it is you do a show called Conan to lose the sense of Conan and to become one thing with the audit you can. You can be really free. You can do things in that state that you can do. I do have to doing in five minutes. I have to get on a this is not Mehta this Israel after a zoom conference. It's actually going to be taped floor For the Turner Network and with my boss. So I'm how I'm doing that in seven minutes. So is that the same guy that you and I pitched to I remember you gave me all this good advice. When did that? Yeah how to do that? It was really don't know I don't think so. It wasn't it land. Let me end with this. I always want to say when we talk on the record I owe my career to you. I I admire your hero of mine. And you're my friend and your mentor. That I got that right. Yeah I'm your minty And I really really appreciate you and your very valuable. And that's Voile I would say right back at you but now you're not you're not my hero. So very little of that applies. You're you're you're the gift that keeps on giving I really love. You always make me laugh. I love talking to you and I love it. We can go to these other places. 'cause you're one of the. I love it. You talk about this stuff and it doesn't come across as Highfalutin or You know you don't feel it should be incense burning in the background while I'm GonNa put that on a on a bracelet with lots of spaces. Thank you on it. I I love doing woods. Well I hope to see you in person soon. You'll never see me again. We have the guest. Say The catchphrases how we end we have a you say keep it crispy and then we're out of here. This is Bryan saying keep it crispy you all right. Thank you also.

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Conan O'Brien

Never Not Funny

1:47:40 hr | 1 year ago

Conan O'Brien

"Hey jimmy pardo here. Never not funny right around the corner with our guest. <hes> classic never not funny with conan o'brien. I i gotta talk about this man. He we all love the summer except when it comes to asleep in the heat too hot to sleep. That's a song by survivor <hes> from too hot to sleep album now. Listen those guys might not have written that song had they had some my sheets. You're listening. I don't know why you felt like j. Transmogrify into jay leno. That's a word you made up and i i was real work. Can we check on transmogrify won't even ask him to spell spell. Please kidding dantonio. Yes a blue foam coming out of your computer screen the first time he actually ever looked hurt kidding. Please for the love of god this okay good this whole. This whole room is toxic now. Everyone's yelling at everybody. I listen. I know you're mostly concerned. <hes> mister felker about the levels <hes> he doesn't care what we say as long as it's an and even tone bragging to risk blowing out your machine here for it because i believe that i am being judged. I i see a your is looking at a wild animal. Let me just say what i was doing. I was just picturing you and seth green very small man's who also has red hair in my lap <music>. Some people came over and said we didn't know that there was a ventriloquist here at the steakhouse and i said you know what that's hurtful to him. It's hurtful to me and then i drew lines down on this. I am seth green. Yes yes yes yes seth green's could have to get together to to make one year and i mean that <hes> spiritually spiritually. I mean that i don't disagree with you. I mean he's a horrible man. You had that dinner. I can't imagine anything worse is bad guy. What did you get what what are you doing out what i did. I'm not kidding. I'm gonna take a swing and i swing away swing away and i'll tell you up in powell. <hes> i like. This is what i like. I'm comfortable with conflict high kidding jesus. We're gonna swear i won't i won't do it. I didn't know this kind of show <hes> <hes> i won't do it. I won't do it. We're not saying what are you. What are you say you won't do. I won't do it. Who's who's arguing cameras around not going to do it. <hes> we can each maker indecision about swearing all where nuns were no. We should be on the same page okay so well. I think we should be in the same page age. I don't want to anger him. Close enough to be your over there. You're doing okay. I'll do. We know they don't want to swear you sound ridiculous. I'm a bad swear. I'm not good at when i get angry. I do it incorrectly. Say you shitter okay you. You ask fuck. You know it's all stuff that doesn't really you know and it doesn't work it. Doesn't it doesn't book aspects wanna use rush. Your mother yeah spoke from the stage. I do want to work for you loves it. I'll tell you something. <hes> modify goes blue. I'm going very blue opening lately. I i i'll tell you i'm gonna soundproof booth backstage. It's like the game show twenty one. I'm in sequestered so you're cheating and it's fixed yeah and is cheating. Yes his favorite happening here. We go now but listen. I <hes> do you gotta. Do you do what you gotta do. What was your point. <hes> what do we what do you get that morton's. You get <hes> t-bone rabbi. Oh good good. I'm probably got back here. We've got no. I got the fillet last time because it was healthier. It's the lean salinas cut of beef yeah do. I wish that i had gotten the saint louis leads. I cut to beat this other thing and he knows his. You're you gotta get the bony and rabbi. Oh you something. I'm doing my roseanne impression. You gotta get the bone in rabbi and i wanna martini dry with have jumped up and slaps diet coke and get me a whatever that piece of meat right there. I don't know i've never been to morton's. Do they. Actually bring the cut out the they do that thing where they bring the cutouts also. It's meat rotting. It's it's dumping me rotten meat just it just tell me what i'm fine looking. Look in and go into what's that what are you doing. What did you do elliot's that he just did. The doing we restore brian here is that what is your talk when the person he didn't talk he made a gesture checking your elliot. He's yelling at jimmy. What do you think's gonna happen. Have you open your mouth. I don't know i will say this. I like that's gonna say likes asian. Oh no you know what i like. I like the <hes> i like. Don't don't engage him do not match koby age and when they rub the cough what is it. The coffee grinds on it. It's cool man. That's amazing. That's very good. You don't wanna do and i'm not going to follow up on this. I'm just saying it's like a good guy on the air. We're gonna go out and get steaks <unk> sometime. It's on me but hey. I'll just take some me but later on this will be talked about how that guy real. He's a real acis that that died in the nineteen twenties are going to that guy when he's irish god. Oh that guy really got <hes> you know. He's a real good up. He's a square deal that chap and so so yeah. We're going to go out for stakes again. Not happening and it's going to be on me not happening at this dinner. That's not going down the flame. The thing is you want the fat in there i do. It's more flavorful but it nauseates me fat. No oh so why why have a stake then why don't you that you want some celery in the corner leaving an animal. I mean <hes> <hes> rabbit. See no fat in it. Fatty gives it the flavor. I'm well aware of. I've got a a lot of food issues. You know this. I didn't know that you're foolish to that extreme. <hes> i expect you remember every conversation obviously yourself yeah <hes> i've got some food issues and specifically with meat so i do not like by corned beef has to be extremely lean and very bland so the idea of wait fat bothers. You grosses me out right. You said yourself. You've got the fillet fillet just to be healthy but do do. I enjoy the taste of it more. We're no if no one was looking. Flay butterfly delicious awesome holidays birthdays some kind of nays in there. Okay you get no purview. We've had an awkward position of having to do this. Just weird remembering pays your bills. He's our guest pays. The bills just do this. Wait a minute here. Okay pay your bills. You pay his bills. You know it's <hes> it's the trickle down. Let's be. I'm not gonna get into financials with you. This is where you really make the dough. Wasn't it yeah. I'm just some side project. That enrages me. It's a hobby again. I'm enraged. I feel judge. I've made it clear judge in rage. I deserve ray. I we'll take care of it. Let's talk to ross you. Try and talk to them. I can't he's like jackie. Mason wrote money he <hes> you know years ago. <hes> i worked with this is a great jeff ross quote <hes> i worked with <hes> we worked at the chimpanzee andy and i on the show oh and if you don't know chimpanzees are very difficult. Violent people think they're cute. You put them in a bean and it's fun. They're they're there and i remember <hes> we worked with like the third time we get to schedule. There was a chimpanzee and it hit me and pushed andy and it was mean vicious and finally i just turned to jeff ross and said you know chimps are decks and saw flash forward to then jeff that stuck in jeff ross head then jeff during the downtime jeff took a after you're the january twenty second debacle. <hes> jeff ross took a trip to africa with a friend of his <hes> who also happens to be my agents to rosen and they were out in his beautiful savannah and and they are watching gorgeous animals go by and all of a sudden like a a chimp went skiing i and jeff rouse with no irony turned to rosen said gyms or dick's and ends rick frozen didn't know what the hell he was and he texted at twenty seven jeff ross just out of nowhere chimps are dicks and i said it's just something we talked about three years ago. Jeff ross men a few you words he does say them. You quickly got them. <hes> jeff rossi executive producer of conan o'brien's. I'm sorry i didn't coin that and not i'm always talking about comedian jeffrey rossio now <hes> view on that in <hes> that would have been in iambic pentameter. Had you been talking this year would have been a celebrity roast poems and roasts. Yes <hes> <hes> jeff rusty. Who's the ep why shake hands with every day and he's a gentleman. It's good man <hes> i like him. I like him. Were you asking my opinion yup. Jeff <hes> is a is a here's a you know we <hes> jeff has his own take on life because he's a he's not a showbiz guy. It's funny he's in show business but he seems he's immune to flattery and tomfoolery yeah. I like about him and he comes from. He was the tour manager for <hes> molly hatchet. I believe yes s and paul's not paul simon. Diana ross diana ross. I i suppose signed because they both did concerts in central park. That's how i came out simon around the same area i and he c._d._c. C._d._c. and then <hes> somehow got involved in comedy. Yes i sleep through lorne michaels. I think somehow or someone else got him minded with t._v. Show he ended up working lorne than used him for kids in the hall <hes> right and then <hes> lorne introduced him to me in nineteen ninety-three it has all the madness and the first incarnation here right here. We go and it's gonna be right. What's what's that that quotas up there where it's right in the middle i look at that right. I swear to god. I didn't see that <hes> subliminal incredible where the human mind works was anyway to supplement subliminal made no sense. No insurance wouldn't have said shirts this supplemental affleck so i still don't understand at this out and there's a lot of editing that goes on right. This'll be something when you're gonna come most of this good <hes>. We're going to get down to just me asking jacob they told i'd like to hear what you were told that this would be heavily edited and processed and may never actually they're not gonna. This is just a ruse to to get a conversation station go. I love reuss. I love that word nice. It's nice reuss smith. I use a lot of different words. Tram baltimore sham so close so close. You know what i most of the words i say are real words and it's terrible children always around saying don't give me the old cincinnati giacomo and they they're learning all this stuff and they're not real words. It's not gonna help them in life. <hes> i call most people chop had that chapa what's up chapa. I don't bother to learn people's names urologist all just chopper to me right now and we're never getting that steak. That's never gonna happen but you know what we're going to have. The time of our lives grates on me. That's going to be magical. Title nine guys will be good night. What if what we would do is stay shop but just wait it. Stay shops and just wayne smith takes out castle. Sorry you're the one that's arena wordsmith here. Chevy those tones. If we all went to a steakhouse and you didn't show. Would you send your regards now what you know what the waiter would <hes> have a waiter come over with. They don't do anymore. I have a winner with the phone and he handed to you and make a a big show of you then talking about but i wouldn't be on anyway. No way relates to dial paid the guy i by the way i want you to now find. We're gonna have lunch in the next week and do that because it would be the greatest joke in the history of comedy that strong pick it up. There's a dial tone and then and then across across the street your car explodes. Oh what do you think we're gonna cars today <hes> and boy harping on this <hes> i <hes> i i did a <hes> a joke at <hes> jay's expense in the warm up and i said one day there's gonna be a spy and then i'm gonna be walking by car and an old jalopy is gonna run me down and he's going to crank it up and then and then rummy down. I'm going to get hit with a twenty thousand dollar car. Wait a minute. That's not a lot of money and i had to go twenty seven thousand dollar car. It was like one of those things where you try to go high and then you came here and then <hes> but there was such a good crowd today they went with all that oh yeah they they like they like <hes> you know said crop the most subtle down. You know weren't that great but i mean they were fine but they were <hes>. I'm glad you had a good time <hes>. I don't know where they were. They were there much beyond is a couple of nights jay. You know i come out. I get them hot and then you know. Drop the ball but that's going to happen from time to time. You're doing a lot of show oh yeah. I think you're john the cooler jobs. That's what that's how i look at the top of the show my job. My job is to cool. Mom is that right you heat them up by cooling down and then the cement hardens and we've got a nice building terrible. I don't even know that means but the point is <hes> this is. I'm doing free in <hes> so why should think space. You'll get your twenty bucks story about it. You'll get your twenty like every other guest. I us <hes> what's that oh yeah. I think the audience know does yeah yeah. We made it clear. I think you you kept it a secret. What the amount was for a while. Yeah yeah well then. There are stakes on me. How much is it <hes>. You're gonna get twenty from each of us. No that'd be weird each the time sir. I won't accept it won't accept that i wanted to go to a charitable cause <hes>. I'm just saying that on the air with the twenty twenty bucks. I wanted to go to a good cause. Is it helps children i want. I want the twenty. We're getting at stake but i'm looking forward to all of us. Getting together can be nice day steak and money for charity. I i want my money. No stake table three <hes>. It's functional finish your thought and then we take a break and we would just take the break. That was my you know rampant up something i think i was and then i don't know what happened. I don't know what you derail yourself. Did you roll myself or was. I derailed both are very good. Possible crowd tonight great crowd or so hot they are there. Were then <hes>. I think the magical thing about comedy is is. There's this communal intelligence when people know that something's really you've just come up with something and i've never understood it but human beings consent so they're seeing you in the moment. Come up with something right right and they're really enjoying. That's to me the the the the addiction that we're all going back for all the time. Is you have those moments out there. Where you just come. I'm up with something and they're right there. It's symbiotic. They're watching you go to the next level and they're they're helping you and it says little dance that happens and sometimes plays <music> out eight set for over eight sec it's done but it was great and then i think it's the pursuit i want that again. I want that again. I'll do a crabby shitty t._v. to get that one more what time and that's what keeps me going you know. Why did you become an old man with a cigar when you have that dream talk with all my heroes are very very old man george burns. We talked about something about the last time you around here and i don't want to get into it. It was boring but we'll take you liked it. What are you george burns guy why you're watching. You confused like i am is he one of my all talking to hear this. No i know but i he's not one of the people that i see you know i i don't i cite him. He had this renaissance. You know it actually started with the sunshine. Boys me <hes> she's. She's you know which was a great movie which was which was great in and then he was <hes> this late nineteen seventies early eighties fixture you know but i never i never saw <hes>. I never knew any of his earlier work and it's funny when you get these comedians who you only know from their later work bob hope i grew up only knowing him as the guy that wears a blue blazer with a crest fast and tells jokes <hes> and football linebackers come running out and i i never it didn't speak to me and then i saw his work from the nineteen thirties i mean from the you know mostly the the forties and i thought man that guy was good. I mean handsome so fast so so add as a comedian just so funny and had vented that that character and then i later found out that woody allen patterned his a lot of his his persona on early bob hope hoop which when you see it makes sense because it's the cowardly back on his heels all right fellas ho ho boy has a strong guy okay right constantly trying to talk himself out of a jam not physically having the goods right. How many do you know and try new churn people. Hi nice nice with the that's a sharp pointy and then you see woody allen you think okay. I see where that came from. <hes> you know a friend of mine <hes> the guy that does the theme song ever <hes> <hes>. I used to make a joke in my act it <hes> bob hope's expense mainly for the same reason that i grew up with seeing this guy you well you know reading cue cards and poorly and <hes> so you know i would make a joke every night at his expense in my life showed my friend dave said you really dislike bob. Hope horrible and then he said do me favor. Go back and watch you bob blah blah blah and then i did like oh. I got to change that to george burns. Somebody's going down yeah somebody's but he's going down someone <hes> some old person that's part of the joke. Is that <hes> older people. They've never see somebody older. In the crowd i apologize the language and <hes> you know say you gotta be thinking hey hey bob hope never talk like this and that's really didn't and he was never funny so that's the joke and <hes> what he what he was and so. I had to change it to george. George burns is the <hes> who i say now yeah so you this. I'll tell you this. <hes> people like jack benny. <hes> said that you know the funniest person ever met it was george burns personally that he was you know <hes> so but you hear all those kinds of things like oh you know. Harry reid owes zeppelin marks. Marks was the funniest mark's brother that one always angers me because i think that's just not true. I can't there's no evidence. There's not one well you know that he is the funniest just <hes> of the mark right but they're all saying backstage. Nobody spin up right. What's going on our show. You probably know one day. You're gonna say like people talk about about conan and andy backstage. It was associate producer. Dan ferguson was the funniest man i ever met guy as high most of the time. I don't know anything about uh. I don't <hes> i don't pay any attention to people a lot of <hes>. I'll say that on the care he listens. He's a listener to this yeah and also. I'm just gonna say this right now. It's not just oh he occasionally has a puff off. The guy is one of those people that's into look. I got the animal crackers that are made of pot. Look i got a night guard a tooth an anti grinding tooth guard to oh. I had feelings made of pot. He's his body needs to constantly be absorbing it. He's he's one hop head that can is that a term you people use the kids. He's a real. I don't know the wino- talking to these guys over here the guy wearing a t-shirt he they're hot pads. Aren't they know dan very laid backlash. Oh by the way danza junkie he's <hes> he hasn't done the juice in ten years ten years. <hes> former jumped figure that out man just throw that out there. We're going to talk about our pets talking about pot overseas the lingo but he knows the link of it yeah if he doesn't know hop head the kid's caught mattie. Jane marijuana calls that they used to call it. The funny cigarette like that would be the kind of thing like that guy. It's sort of a here. Carson probably say that on tv in the early seventies that gave when has a funny cigarette. You know it's <hes> for a while there. That's what they were telling funny cigarettes anymore. They would call the games a little fruity little uh he's a little he's a little he's too on the ground. He's a little light in the loafers deed as i always say that's my that's my jon stewart doing johnny carson too and jackie gleason that the emperor fourteenth gone yeah <hes> that's terrific terrible who's judging now. You know what when i do it. It's on judging. It's just the truth <hes>. I'm an oracle in greek play. It'd be an article. I'm just a a truth teller agreed course. Let's take a break so we could stop this madness awesome. Let's break happening right. Now we're going to we're about to we're about the debris was happening. I mean we're gonna say. Let's take a break. I'll take my headphones off or were in the break the break after last time remember to go to the restroom. I'm hungry. What do you want a sandwich. I'd like to get y'all stay really would for no no and you know what it's not happening. Wait a minute. Even though you just said you wanna do it again. It's not happening. Oh yeah teach your kids what this former joke joke you you. You throw at something like that is going to believe it. You know listen first of all it creates the impression at the good guy. Now would probably undermined a bit that i keep saying it's on but you yeah well stakes stakes. People will hear the around your everyday. Everyday talked to re read it every day. Stakes aches and jimmy doesn't stop talking about it either but a great guy. Is that true true. Don't talk about it a lot. <hes> whenever he comes up right you know they have a nice quality house and you know it's the dickey's thing to say love in my life just in general i'll be walking on the street and i'll be with my assistant real. You know be with someone who works in the show and someone like. I'm doing great and they'll say like <hes> yeah. It's very nice to see you and they walk away and while they're still in your shuttles to the person with a nice quality. All no one says that nobody says i'm fun. This nobody ever says come on fund fund that means not fun <hes> all right conan o'brien gathering quick break. You guys use the restroom. He's going to go out and get those steaks talking about one of saint louis chop. You're that you're the expert. I'm going to defer to your the young saint louis shop the expert. We'll call andy richter off and i went to get you punk. <hes> dan what would you do. You eat meat then. You seem like a guy that'd be vegan. You seem like a vegetarian vegetarian to me. You'll love it really rare your opposite of me like a rare. That's not the only thing we're opposite on. Tell you that right now. I'll tell you something i i and i go out on a limb here but i don't know how it works here. When i'm done with this interview yeah interviews strong word conversation interview because more professional okay babylon we're done with this burgling babble fan <hes> <hes> you know. I don't know how you has it worked guys. Lock it all up right away to take all the equipment down or something like that. I'd guys meal we do. You have to go onto the next thing. Has it work. I don't think anybody here would go onto the next thing. I think if you're making that offer. I think everybody's going to take you up on. I think you need to backpedal quickly. I think you'll go. I uh-huh i'll. I'll take you guys out for e- we're we're gonna why should be some. I'm not biting on this emotional rollercoaster here. I'm going to do it. I'm going going to do you wanna go. Burritos go grocery cabrillo. I would like to take you guys to something to a nice meal but i don't know what's your i._r._a. Stanley's is pretty good. What stanley's is okay. What do you got against stanley don't like that. They have a tile floor and then you have like a table in the middle of it. It seems echoey to me. Here's a better question what is better within a block. I don't have the answer to that right. Does anybody here when you've got a computer. <hes> you know instead of speaking looking transmogrify in other words shitting on me earlier for just talking about my underpants. This is a big deal. This is brian saying i'm going to take you guys out to dinner and meaning it really meaning it the way it's not going to happen. No idea see the looking. Dans is getting his hopes up dangle drugs in front of this guy meets his new drove me. He's trying to move on. He's he is trying to rebuild life and you keep saying hey junkie pay a former chunky hither junkie. Hey dad junkie from the past you wanna junkies he and he you know he's oh look at him talking to some girl hey. How do you like the former junkie. He's move on well well. Do you shouldn't do it but you know he's watching the guy riding horses. He's watching the jockey. You know leave the guy alone. Don't throw shit at me. I'm telling you you i will take the people in this room. You're kennedy's involve. No i mean and this is from the simpsons. I promise you that's it's a to deep impression abuse three. Never mind what you got there. Powell chopper what you got you find some place to eat looking up. I am really going to do it. Less less than you want to do. Is that i'm going to do it with these. People won't be long meal harwood. This is over. We won't listen. Would it kill you. Would it kill you and look. I think is really know. Is it going to really happen people listening and watching my now okay. He's played a lot of mind games with us. This is really going to happen. You guys will say on the next show with it really happened or not. I just fucking with you. This may not happen but i'm saying right now. It's gonna happen. We're going to get a meal together and it's going to be a i wanted to be at a decent place. I don't wanna go someplace replace that has tile floor. You know that's misleading it. That is true and yet that is better than the floors. You've got their yeah right up here. It's supposed to be very good. What mcdonald's you're pointing. You know they have a mcnugget there and they've they've ribs to they. Don't make and i don't want to risk pissing off a monolithic the mcrib the first couple of bites tastes amazing seven bytes in you. Just just you want to get a gun and shoot your call. I say that every time yeah every when you say i did it once a once a year yeah right. I told you this year. I'm three bites in. I love it the fourth bite i have no interest in yeah and then <hes> your your stool for six weeks is a clear white gel that properly. I think you're eating a clear white joe with the mcrib so it may not be the mcrib but i don't think it is. I think it may be the eating of the clear wijesekera gel hair gel yeah. We're going to go out to dinner after this all right. How much longer does this go on rallying listen. We're not gonna take a break at this point. We're going to go. We're gonna finish this thing out now. We're really doing the dinner then we could just stop right. Now i mean i don't know where we're gonna hear some now. Here's the thing we don't really going. Here's the thing here's the thing so you stop at early and now you guys are into it and then i just got up and you even go to shake my hand and i don't even acknowledge and i step outside and there's an s._u._v. demand gold and i get into the back and it uses. Here's how it works. It just fires gasoline at the back push it forward into the most wasteful car you've ever seen and and whisked away to my private sanctum community somewhere in catalina just a car that shooting gasoline out the back to push it forward. It runs nine hundred miles nine hundred gallons the mile. That's what it gets well. It'll take them self-indulgent car ever late. Not that would be good gas mileage. No no nine hundred mile takes nine hundred gallon and yeah and and the isis play is a very says i suck doc and i'm just shittiest person alive but it's spelled ic- and then a space it's interesting interesting. Here's the question here's the question now and and this is at its has got people riveted. I'm telling you i understand broadcasting people listening right now. Is this going to happen. Is it not gonna happen. We're going to take them out to. I'm saying right now. I'm going to take you out to uh-huh yes right the premise but listen abyss. There's a duality here talk like an edgar allan poe story if he was redundant to build this very long ago. I will while you up with a stonewall own wall. I heard you you be encased behind set again. You're watching. We'll hear the ticking of your nicer wristwatch. Oh ah he'd get home in is nine hundred gallon a mile as being oh no. I left my watching that stonewall yes and that's when i realized that rally o- dark technical weird that was already murdered us. If you walled us in by default fault we will eventually die of starvation dinners not happening. It's over. It's back again so i you are captives. <hes> your captives who think every day you might get released but then sometimes i take you out to the yard and lonzo against a wall and you think this is it but then i take you back to the cell but then i say you're going home tomorrow but then you don't you're going to be iraq but that's on this interviews over say interview 'cause that's more of a formal. Here's here's my thought on this pressure conversation and by the <hes> by the time the elliott dan tarot the equipment down. They're not going to do that. We're gonna lock the doors choice. <hes> we have to do that. You'll be so bored. You wish wish you would've gone home well. I prefaced goal conversation by saying oh. How's it work. What are the selling well. You're telling me now after i've made the offer. I didn't say that these guys have showed up to take a breath. You guys say phillips head screwdrivers and take apart. Oh i've gotta take apart my apple apple computer and put all of its components in separate leather bags and how you store your break this down. I love we've to break. The hammers need to go away. <hes> this equipment needs to go please. We train on the floor floor. You you put a fire hose on you. Wash it all down you buy new. Equipment is what i do at the end of every one of my shows. It's very wasteful. Destroy all the equipment after every show we new huge powerful jets long enough. I get i leave after the model of <hes> that's not true. I sit around and let some of the best parts of the interviews. I'm very good on my feet in my house. My adam west seattle self doubting adam west who is coated coating brian is our guest. He's talking about males <hes>. Why did why did. I feel the need to repeat what he repeated fifteen times. What do you know i'm not. I'm just putting my watch on. I like like to put it on like to take it off. You know what i used to do back. In the days when i was a comedy writer is that would take my shoe off and put on the table and look at it and kevin neal and notice this and he's talked about it. I've completely forgot that. I used to do that but i used to wear old man kind of <hes> shoes shoes <hes> with the laces and the little little decorative. What do they call wingtip wing tips. I would where old shoes that would get literally got some several pairs of shoes that i buy at yard sales and i would wear them. I went through a phase in my in the early twenties as when i was in a rockabilly phase and i wear old shoes that i bought and i used to sometimes take one off and put on the table and just look at it while we were trying to think of an idea and kevin nealon used to he sketched me actually really doing that and showed me one of the sketches recently. He didn't do that on the on the air yeah yeah stay around for that interview. I don't stay all stay out of the interview. Well whatever i stay day. I eat <hes> as i mentioned you cover <hes> some mini cupcakes from time to time <hes> that's what happens with kareem with this is this is time we could be eating. We gotta gotta show. Do listen to you you can you can just pull up short. How much time have we don't even know. I'm an hour twenty one minutes god. I know i had no idea what does assist some sort of. It's a four hour show. Ninety minutes shows ninety minutes. That's right so we're not even gonna take the break now. We're going to go right to the tailender now. In a different modem conserving energy someone who's trapped in a mine and trying not to very shallow slow breaths. This is an our. I didn't realize you know flew by. It didn't really i you know painful long. You should come up more often again. It's this for the loving embrace of a family's bosom do a family's bosom that were that <hes> you were allowing you to go back home to you. Do not have to take us out to dinner. I wanna make that very clear. In fact i'm begging you not again. The the dinners mystery will happen or not happen and and i and you can we explain you think of being repetitive is the head off the chair off the stop button. I want this to me for people listening right now and i don't believe our camera so i i think they're just listening to not watching but i want this to be one of the great broadcast mysteries well this meal happen or not. I think i the more i talk about it the more i built it up. I know what i'm doing. Maybe so you're gonna drug us and then we'll wake up not knowing if we had had dinner with your and it's not no one ever knows and the russian of your brain remembers what you ate spend removed by the way let's not do that. Dan end-ends junkie if we drug him. He's right back. I don't like it. Let the guy grow but the guy being new person. Why do you keep saying junkie junky junkie junky. It's the recurring themes on the show. I don't want me to tell you what i don't like about your program. I tell you something right now. You're judge mental. You're sitting judgment you wear judge's robes and a judge's wig. Your favorite actors judge reinhold floyd the other fellow from taxi all right. I'm not going to let her that's never mind. I'm saying i don't care for it. I don't judge what you just. Did you judge into a judd. I don't like to judge either. I don't really not even one song actually as an actress oil oil ashley judd. She's made some bad decisions. Though you'll place that's inherent in all moviemaking snap at me. I'm just telling you what to say that someone's made decisions so good that she's but her errors i think of her that she should be getting these naomi watch roles and <hes> she made mistakes and so that's not too caught up in following her husband's reese car career what what happened. She married to <hes> a race car driver bobby unser. You know this but you don't understand the dome. I don't remember the guy's name he's he's got an italian name dan. I'm looking at you valley please. He's still looking at a restaurant marco buzz. He's french french shit. I don't choosy maria francetti. I don't follow that they are calling nascar sport now. Did you know that <hes> hey when you guys are talking. Can i tag <unk> out as as it work. Can i sure breath. That's what you can do when we're talking. Okay what happened. What happened you turn the the beatles not to play toll palay to drop the soccer balls and your choice. What else do we do. Put down that brush. Yeah you know what's what the painting picasso ceiling in blue you know. <hes> what you're doing essentially is saying hey edison <hes> enough with the tinkering this candles fine so when you told conan o'brien to shut up you're. You're you know hey superman. We're good you know. Stop the asteroid from hitting earth earth. That's what you're basically saying the thing again the throw it you. You've got a bottle but it's got stuff in it and that's gonna make does that's not going to go down and <hes> the worst period that's full. That's the best show i've ever done the worst. It's an extreme really you enjoyed yourself. You're gonna play this game. You gotta play his gambling. You're gonna you're gonna get her car. You get a call. Your wife and you know they don't want honey. I was to be funny and i enjoyed myself doing his show again. It was good to be back with him. Say and then you're gonna explain this dinner mystery. It all depends we'll see. I don't know what phone your dial tone and a cell phone. I don't know where you're calling. This is chilling. Oh that's weird. I never thought of that. There is no dial tone on a cell phone. Dow jones gone hold. Generation doesn't other downtown right over it. You know what i call my wife's phone today on fashion phone on the <hes> on the end it sounds like <hes> <hes> nineteen seventies phone rigging how it made a ring and made a ringing noise <hes> what is it usually. Does it make a ringing noise. You know we just lost charlie callas. Yes we did and i'm i'm not. This isn't a not having a stroke. I thought have been for a reason. I watched i think maybe in nineteen sixty two appearance by charlie callous and <hes> he gets new older charlie callas. I didn't seem this was a very early appearance by him and he went up and what i liked doing space work <hes> and he was doing dialing phone. That's what made me think of it right now and he was very good at that and i enjoyed watching his physicality and i thought a guy you know he and i liked he told a story and acted it out a story. That would be politically incorrect today because it it had these two guys who go hunting being in their sort of he's playing these palsied characters but i thought it was funny. It's funny and you give it up from the nineteen eighty s and ninety charlie callas where at that point we were just going to happen and watch this guy and television <hes> but yeah i don't disagree. I enjoyed charlie well yeah. I thought <hes> i didn't stand up. I didn't has has seen standup. I knew him as the guy on switch. That's a show with eddie albert and robert wagner iran from. I think something like nineteen seventy four to nineteen seventy seven but those people out there. That'll check that or even in here. I'm gonna say seventy five to seventy eight hundred the money. That was it but you already looked switch. That was insanely. That was coming. Hey can we give it up for me guessing seventy five to seventy eight bohen without giving him credit for oh. Can you very very rapid. I expect it from you given dates. That's never happened. Just great. G. verified it with a computer. That's better than me pulling it out of my astor that it's ever what happened in his life. I'm not here every night so i don't know but i guess yes. Uh-huh cocktails in order for that guy is junkie. <hes> wait wait hang on everybody. Hey drew a great job on those dates. I thank you you know what you think. You're being sarcastic but thank you i do it feels right to me to be complimented constantly and so even taken when it sarcastic yeah. It's just all feels good. It's all sugar for my system. It all feels yummy. Thanks is accountable creepy. Creepy don't ever do that again ever do that. I had <hes> not awkward at all. Yummy wishes to stop it. The street took a new character. It's the the guy who complements confidence thank you i hate this guy. You know what <hes> that's food'll yeah. It's just say something something in your food problem many please. Hey look great today because that went ahead like nougat center. Is that right 'cause. It was about my personal appearance. That's what's really cool peanut brittle. It's not as good because it's about something i'm wearing anyway. Chose it. You probably went shopping. You have contained and about him terrible and i. I don't know i like me <music>. I'm doing a pretty good job. Leaders have watch nice this quality orders from you. Don't like to do <hes> when somebody who's doing just a student. Just nothing nothing of a job. I always like to tell the person that wrote a great job bob and then as soon as they walk away. I go there doing caja. Personal should take that up. That's that's the premise of that piece i could. I wanted to give specific that that i realized it might hurt some people's feelings. I chose not to go into any details therefore making that story us news no but i what you're saying it. Was this new look. We really wrap this up but i don't have a sense of when this thing because i like to go for the big finish what i'm saying is it's about the meal your man. I can see your created. This is like an andy kaufman where there's real fears real tension in here. Stay on the st paul. How are we going to get a who knows what's going to happen. We're raising play. I did a little bit right there. I don't play hate it. How do you what are you then these getting you back doc for the eating the compliment guy because that's a character <hes> compliments i mean we're gonna be. I took phase and turned it around. You do meaning now. I don't want to admit it what what lobby where's a roller tape ever knew some taping. Today really does that that that would never do that. That's right. That's what crazy no no. No no no no panzer lower michaels on oh no no. I don't like <hes> no. I don't like that's a form of humor that is suited to a sign at a professional sporting event. That's the level of comedy. You're dealing with this. Somebody puts it on sign. Hold it up the laker game. That's a gone like you can put him up and he's shift me. I'm i've got your back. Okay okay. I like. I like your shirt. Oh make sure your character to <hes> get that from john fogerty dot o._r._g. Becker belongs to never not funny. He did it on the show belongs to us and we'll be doing it. You know what you're gonna. Make some sweet cash off of that and that's as your race from that go unnoticed exactly the kind of shirt that he would have been nice. Yeah sure sure <hes> jeff fogarty overdue. I like john fogerty and what's not to like the guy wrote them laid the leads. Were you wearing saying what's not to like the guy because everybody everybody paints john fogerty the same way they paint roger waters as an arrogant idiot <hes> but john fogerty seems like a pleasant man whenever i meet him. I met him once. I never heard that about. I've heard that he was like this this area and i think he had a <hes>. I think he had a bad experience. I think he was <hes> had an angry period and then i think he i've always enjoyed meeting him and i. I've always again said who else writes the songs he sang the songs he produced them and then he <hes> he played the lead. He plays great guitar parts. Yeah i like. I like his alive album premonition. If you don't own it <hes> great your friend. Jack white's another guy like that. He does all jack white. Does everything yeah it's an and he's he's funny and really creative and creates. He's got that <hes> he has that <hes> <hes> hat. She's got that had read was completely blanking because i'm so hungry having eaten raw. He's got an andy warhol ability to create his on world. When you hang out with with jack he's got people around him who were dressed a certain way and there's a certain aesthetic and there's a certain he's he's. He's designed his entire life and i think god give it up for that guy. You know yeah. He's gonna go what oh controlling weirdo now not at all. I don't feel that way when people make <hes> <hes> have you when you see the way he lives what he's created. I think that's really cool well. I have not seen that so. I will <hes> i won't these are i'm talking about. Inner sanctums rarified verified air. Talking about special are uniting off. I i live in a special. I just walk on raindrops. I a man who lives in the clouds lads. I'm i'm a gas. I'm really gas a third. Life said yeah brother all applicable. Do you want to that story. Oh my god. Is this going to be the big finish because oh let's take a deeper into the bunny hole. We're getting on a plane. We're coming back from the san francisco sketch. That's fast who's week <hes> matt belknap pat francis fellas on that poster and <hes> we're coming back from doing a live <hes> show of this and we get on the plane and there's a <hes> basketball skip ball team <hes> college basketball team couple of gal college basketball teams had <hes> a gentleman america gentlemen says <hes> <hes> he's in the aisle and then he moves excuse me thank you brother and the second set. Thank you brother. I realized just how racist sounded. Thank you brother really really and then just started making fun of myself going on the isle but i say thank you brother to everybody yeah well. That's what's going to happen. Eventually is if you say something repeated enough someday someday. I'm gonna say chapa somebody who's got not right. That's what happened yeah. They're gonna gum me to death really re other but i called my cell phone video. Did i yes you did i was and then i got to listen to the basketball team. Talk nonstop from the flight to san francisco to los angeles. Probably a very good stuff was not it was horrible high pitched laughter purist. I even the most powerful <hes> what's your question cute girls <hes> yeah yeah feel like you like tall. Yes i do i do too. You and i like them. Small other ladies like big butts cannot lie <hes> conan o'brien summer guest <hes> who is literally passing as the show is going on. I can't i did a show today. I gave myself what are you. What do you think you'll get one hundred ten me. Tell you something every night you watch me every every night i put my bone marrow into a wood chipper and and just spray it out onto america and then you ask me you say hey money by. That's how he talks to me. Oh he's headed. Hey a buddy boy. I'll see what the lorraine motel later for a seven hour podcast don't worry. We're going to bring the water and <hes> so. I give myself again yeah. Now we get to the big question evening. We have that meal. You know what it's going to be interesting and i you can feel it in the room. You can feel this guy salivating over his soul patch. He is <hes> you. Are you know what i mean. He is one hungry beatnik right now. He he is a beatnik aria but he does look like an endless unduly. He's listening to like sirius radio. I don't blame it's like a beatnik but then he has like the classes are just albie sure from nineteen eighty eight i'm not going to do. I'm not gonna rip on people when i do. I think he's a good guy. God i feel like i look like an asshole vilbert as well you are you are without the beer food producer. <hes> producer just did right there <hes> but it's it's well known. Can i try those glasses quickly. These are <hes> we do this before. I don't know i don't know that it is well known the rat at the time that horrible right then you look like a rambus when you wear them. I don't know who that is is. The basketball who are dennis. The menace is dad. If you were gay you know like he's gay dad. <hes> goes to talk to mr wilson and makes out with them. You know showed mr wilson yeah i. They can't think of one famous wilson. How's that possible brian wilson rival i don't i don't carney wilson on any of those wilson's. I'll make out with cardi yeah yes. She wanted to send the ball from <hes> from <hes> castaways. <hes> that's pretty good could be yeah. Boston's great what you should there. I'm sorry if i'm you know what i mean all right a five five to feed myself with compliments all right. Let's go. Let's finishes <hes> all right. It's been fun. Thanks for being here. You know what it was nice. Being here. I enjoyed. I decided to <hes> i did a good time and i am good. That's seriously i can't tell you. You're very hard to read <hes>. I'm very glad you had fun. Why would i why would that. Be glad you had a nice time awkward. <hes> my hand to be awkward <hes> this. This has been fun. This is the last time you know they're both. They're both this rank. Did it go well as i thought it went. Well time is okay. We didn't know each other. There's well then but that was on the little stomach issues a little <hes> yet petrobas remember the situation a little <hes>. We got to see you guys get to <unk> know each other that time and that was kind of interesting and fun this times more. You know two guys who <hes> like to yell at each other play mind games for ninety minutes. It's funny yeah each other yeah. If i didn't think was funny i wouldn't have done it now. It's just did it. I didn't think we were just you. Don't i want to admit that we <hes> did a dance. We don't know where it took us. We don't know why we did it dancing and that's always funny. I think it is i enjoyed it and i'll speak for the listener. They enjoyed it as we can't know i do know listener has one burning question they. I can't even laugh. They're so preoccupied with what is happening afterwards on a gun <hes> all right. Let's close this up. Let's <hes>. I don't know how it ends. There's no fi music. There's that all comes in post post. I don't have a live please at it. You know <hes> chunks to come out again. All the only thing the only thing staying in is asking for you got that phone call that happened. I'm sure it's coming that phone. Call and you know that you know that's the clip driver. Go on a morning radio <hes> morning television program. You know that's going to be the clip that they pull in his <hes> here the big question. I don't know why he's talking. <hes> all right we're done. There's been a joy. Thank you so much. Thank you <hes> if if this were any other radio show would applaud. That always sounds so hollow so let's not do that. They all go like that. I don't like that <hes> so thank you never albert's turn you ever go on there. Of course i cut my teeth on that show that meets that's a yes. Yes <hes> speaks highly of you on his program. Yes i went on his show may times yeah i didn't i never i didn't i didn't have him in my car until a year ago yeah and and then we started listening. Maybe four months ago. I think he doesn't nice job. I think he's got a future. He's a very creative strippers. I could do it out that nonsense sense but yeah but you know what he is. He's <hes>. He is a very funny thinker. I think so too yeah very funny. Thing always says yes says is the thing that you're he says what you're thinking and he's extremely asked yes. I like it. I like the program. I wish i would have listened to it. All the years that i did that. You missed out on some yeah. I know where it is crazy. Yeah sure that about him. Yeah <hes> shows about you. More importantly shows me <hes> a little sprinkle nikola belknap and matt <hes> chance to get it right. There's a chance to do in doing <hes> smart smart-tv right. Let's wrap it up that complement line. Are you done. I'm done. I wanted to pee an hour ago. What have we what if we order steaks and having them to remove. Why do we take a break and order steak. See the second half with stakes because that's the way this is all we own orlando we didn't we didn't get it. We didn't get it all love. Yeah i love your version of <hes> rosebud susan cain. Is you know in the first eight minutes. It says <hes> you know that's hard. Oh yes it is all that's your version. Was my saw your version of the sixth sense. It was really good. What's that they're all dead. Yeah open it up with that. You know it starts starts the opening that guy's dead you know that's where you're going by the way you slid over. You've show like nine times and i always think we're done and then i remember oh. No one of us and i don't know who that is. Keep talking. What am i ended. No joy turay joy joy this positions to believe. You're getting ready to sprint out of here so no oh steak you might be given away. Don't give any tell no. You don't know that's the thing i don't know. You don't know what's going to happen. You know what i'm the master of suspense. That's the one thing i've known for in america. I'm the master of suspense all right. We're done all right. Listen this joy. <hes> we've enjoyed her time with you brian's at our guest <hes>. Let's close this baby up right <hes> on behalf of i d h._d. Dot com elliot hope bergh. <hes> tabasco cat's junkie theatrical or matt belknap our friend franco brian. We'll see the podcast oak nap a._k._47. Go not forgotten if you you enjoy never not funny. Why not sign up for the players club. You get full video of every episode an extra show every week. When you become a member sign up now at podcast dot com the hey this is arnie camp from the improv fantasy podcast. Hello from the magic tavern. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in chicago into the magical land of foon and i started a podcast cast season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the dark lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point and we've got great guests like justin mcelroy. I sat like francis college. Professor fake nine rachel bloom connection men corpses assist and one woman flee day colton don have intercourse with a variety of species is a bummer andy daily. You'll have the members of genesis list but feel conscious crossed out and then circle to the cross out again <hes> yes. I have killed phil collins twice. Thomas jesus i mean jar the circle and that's just the beginning season three f- alot from the magic tavern is out now. Listen stitcher apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

conan o'brien brian wilson jeff ross jimmy pardo basketball george burns jay leno jeff producer seth green Dans jackie gleason eddie albert john fogerty charlie callas morton woody allen Stanley lorne michaels paul simon
Best Of: Antonio Banderas / Conan O'Brien

Fresh Air

50:21 min | 1 year ago

Best Of: Antonio Banderas / Conan O'Brien

"This message comes from NPR sponsor. Rei Looking for a spooky family friendly podcast try camp monsters from Rei Co op. You'll hear tales tales about bats squash the Ozark howler this smelly gaster and more mysterious creatures listen wherever you get your podcasts from. WHYY WII in Philadelphia. I'm terry gross with fresh air weekend today. Antonio Banderas the Star of action movies like Desperado in the Mask of Zorro and banned films by the masterful Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar including Almodovar new one pain and glory. Ben Dara's plays a film director dealing with physical pain and pain of the soul. Dara's had a heart attack. A few years ago says the experience informed his performance and made them feel more vulnerable. I am I'm not acquire cry. It was a tough guy and suddenly I was watching movies was listening into music and Saturday got hold teary later Conan O'Brien. We'll talk about trying new things in his career and how he's driven by anxiety diety in his comedy and his life. I'll persuade them to sing a song that influenced him when he was learning guitar. This message comes from NPR sponsor Tele Doc. Have you ever needed a doctor late at night or while. Traveling Tele Doc offers twenty four seven access to board certified doctors for non emergency conditions like a sinus infection affection allergies flu rashes and more teletok's board certified doctors can diagnose treat and we're authorized prescribed medications to be filled at the pharmacy pharmacy of your choice download the APP today or visit. Hello DOC DOT com slash fresh air my guest Antonio banderas stars in the new film pain and glory written and directed by the master Spanish Filmmaker Pedro Almodovar Bandera won the best actor award at this year's Cannes Film Festival for for his performance in pain and glory he plays a screenwriter and director who lives to make movies but has stopped working because he suffering with physical pain and the pain of the soul almodovar modeled the character on himself. Ben Darris and Almodovar started making movies together in Spain in the nineteen eighties. After the long repressive regime of General Francisco Franco had ended the films were bold and transgressive for the time with Gay Trans and straight characters and sex and drugs Bandera started acting in American films before he could even speak English in Nineteen ninety-two Co starred in the movie the Mambo kings the following following year. He starred opposite. Tom Hanks and Philadelphia he went on to star in many films including the L. Mary Achie- trilogy spy Kids and The Mask of Zorro he voiced the character of pushing boots in the Shrek films and in Puss in boots in two thousand and eleven he reunited with Almodovar to make the skin. I live live in Antonio Banderas. Welcome to fresh air. You're so good in this new film and I'm over film. It's really a pleasure to have you on our show. Thank you my pleasure really early in the film. There's a par worker you as in your role as a director who is afflicted with with all kinds of symptoms is recounting his symptoms and I'm actually going to ask for your permission to read the voice over that you do early in the movie. I can't play the voice over because it's in Spanish so I'm going to I'm going to read some of the English translation of it it it it this scene just really grabbed me and we're hearing your voice over in the role of the director that you play and as you're describing symptoms. Tim's that afflict you onscreen what we're seeing is illustrations animations of of the human body anatomical drawings brings and so. I'm going to read some of this voice over him. I got to know my body through pain and illness. I lived my first thirty thirty years with relative abandon but soon discover that my head and what was inside it as well as being a source of pleasure and knowledge also carried with it infinite Senate possibilities of pain I soon became acquainted with insomnia chronic pharyngitis otitis reflux ulcers and intrinsic asthma nerves in general and the sciatic in particular and all kinds of muscular pain lumbar dorsal tendinitis in both knees and shoulders tonight. I have that too wheezes whistles. I also suffer from those. My specialty is headaches and back pain after the spinal fusion operation which what you mobilized half my back I discovered that my life would revolve around my spinal column but not everything is so visible I also suffer vert from more abstract hardships pains of the soul such as panic and anxiety which add anguish and terror to my life and naturally really I've dealt for years with depression that sets up the movie so well physical pain and pain of the saw so and I know Madonna Var suffers from a lot of physical pain Can we talk about that. I did he talk to you about why he wrote those lines and the pain that the character he created that you play resonates for him. Yes of Selene will amend actually suffer practically with for everything that he's just read you know each while those physical problems uh-huh and so when he strenuous to put part of his life you know at front on the screen tell a story he needs. What do you say all of these things you know as establishing a physical map of who he's you know in terms of pain we we actors. We use practically everything to happen in our life to create characters they we create. I suffered a heart attack about two and a half. Vs Ago and was an alert in my life. He's going to say these people need just nothing crazy but he's one the best thing that ever happened in my life because he just gave me an perspective of who I was just make up they important things being on the surface and everything that was not important that I thought he was important but it wasn't unimportant. Yes sunk now by the time I started working with on meloding this movie. That was very close to this event these cardiac. If I had said to me you know. I don't know how to describe a bit but since you have the heart attack there is something different in you. I ninety one to hide. It and I want you to go because if you just show it is is GonNa be very close to all of these pains describing the movie and I warn you there in that in that universe that is absolutely new to me and probably GonNa new us for the expectation for the public to see you in a completely different context. Did he had a heart. Tacconi asks you to do the role. Your character is holding everything in. He's holding in his pain. He's holding in a lot of his emotions while also digging deep into memories of the past and because of the pain is unable to make films or at least she thinks he's unable to make films so you have to communicate a lot just by the way you hold your body and your face face in your eyes and that's it's a very I I would imagine that's a very hard thing to do. within the movie we eventually learn that your character director has been writing a monologue and he wants an actor friend of his to perform it and after re re they had a falling out like. I don't know twenty years ago or more and they had a falling out while this actor was being directed by your character and when they come together after your character asked him to perform the monologue they're talking about like how to convey the drama and the pain that is going to be expressed and I forget whether the director says to the actor or the actor says that another after I told him this but it was basically don't overdo it with the sadness. Hold back the tears. That's the best way of expressing depressing it. was that advice Madore gave to you or that. Another director had gone into you yep he. He he calls Sern Sern that Indie a humid emotion way humid and he said he always said to me. You know I mean what emotions that actors we. Would you guys love to cry because you think he said they must station. Did you real and but he does another trick sometimes too there are he said to me once that he knew an actress she can cry and for from her right eye off from her left eye. so that's a trick. You can do do that and you can apply all the reality that but he's not. I prefer actors who actually hold back the tears hove the motions you know that they are more. Liz bassy Morton's parent more economic. That's probably the word and you know Economic Kenedy emotions and he that's being a constant in over which sometimes contradiction because people think on minorities have a little bit bigger the life you know he he suspicious in Audi minivan callers example in framing but but then he is very measured with the actors he liked the actors to be you know you know in a way more you're in the way that he dre movies and he has to do with the movies that were done in the forties and fifties so. I just want to get back to the fact that you had a heart attack. A couple of years before making a movie and you said a nurse in the hospital told you the heart not only pumps blood throughout your body. The heart is a warehouse for feelings things and that you should expect to be sad for a few weeks or first few months following the heart attack and having stents put in an in a moment wondering if that happened if you were said and having been told in advance to expect being sad was helpful to you yeah. I can tell you about mine because there are thousands of way that you can have a heart attack in my particular case. Ah You know yes now. Woman came to me was unnerved. The hospital and she said that she totally she was right on yeah. I uh-huh became not only very sad very sensitive sensitive to anything I am not a crier. I never cry. It was a tough guy and suddenly I was watching movies and I was listening to music and Sunday. They got all deary. Yeah is headed you feel very vulnerable and you are totally understand astounded that he's only once one thing that is absolutely perfect which is deaf and that is certain and everything else is relative. I guess is Antonio Banderas. He Stars in the New Pedro Almodovar movie pain and glory. We'll talk more after break. I'm Terry Gross and this is fresh air weaken support for this podcast and the following message come from the American Jewish World Service working together other from more than thirty years to build a more just and equitable world learn more at AJ WS DOT org. Let's get back to my interview with Antonio. Oh Bender's he stars in the new. Steven soderbergh film the laundromat inspired by the Panama papers the investigation into money laundering. We've been talking about Bandera embarrasses film pain and glory written and directed by the master Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar Ben Dara's when the best actor award at this sears Cannes Film Festival for his performance in the film he plays a screenwriter and director who lives to make movies but has stopped working because he suffering with physical pain and pain of the Soul Bandera has also starred or co starred in the El Mariachi trilogy Philadelphia Spy Kids The Mask of Zorro and the Shrek and puss and boots films before Bandera moved to America he worked in theatre in Spain and start in Spanish movies by Almodovar so when you started working in theater and when you started working with Almodovar it was in the decade after Spain's longtime dictator Francisco Franco had died he ruled from nineteen thirty nine to nine hundred seventy five the Spanish civil war was to stop fascist rule but Spain got fascist rule for a long long time so one Franko died and the restraints and the fear were removed. That's when the counterculture the artistic counterculture came alive in Spain and you were a part of that as where Salvador tell us a little bit about what it was was like to be making art during that period when you know fascism had ended and there was a new generation coming of age without fascism mm-hmm who could express themselves and who could be transgressive in their art if they want to be yet when Franco died mm-hmm was fifteen years old kid and and I was leaving any Spain that basically more than repressive under and my perception of a time as a child almost is that we were in kind of a anesthesia that there was the feeling nothing happened. Everything was fine enough every kind of eerie way fine. This guy was in power any whistling your uncle you know he was always. Franco yeah what we have and so when he died aid is they're growing into being a man almost in a little way the country was going from dictatorship to democracy and at the time you started this covering. What did the dealership was. Then you start seeing what freedom is all about and then you start looking looking back and say oh my God how could leave there without knowing that these things exist so it was a time for the whole entire Spanish people who discover a new to adapt to you know prove ourselves that we we can be a democratic country entry that we can actually designed for our own future and there was a group of people among them better all word and some musicians and fashion designers and photographers and people in the world of art of all kind that decided to just break with buzzed and disgrace something new so so it was a time of of colour out of hope and fun. I noticed directions in every possible way and about breaking a lot aww morality rules that were monolithic am very conservative and you know our country and he was it was a beautiful time your father. Your father was a police officer. Had he been police officer under Franco to yeah he was he was he was actually chief of Police Lisa from our ladder. Which is the place? Where was he afraid that your art and your behavior during the counter cultural period in Spain would reflect badly on him would make him look compromise. I don't know because my father believe it or not. He it was a big supporter of me. He helped me actually he helped me with funds when I've eating have one penny and was leading a Madrid and leading have work or anything and and then I started working in the National Theatre and somebody said to me. I didn't even know that you know that you father camp. It comes every night and he sits in the last seat of the orchestra to watch you performing every night and I said really I said yeah every every night he comes here and he sees you and then he goes away because he doesn't want to see him. Did you tell him that you know. I never never did because if you didn't want anyone to just to be supporting to him. Is he still alive. No my father died in February two thousand eight so he. I never knew that you knew so you grew up in Spain. You started your acting career in Spain and theater and film then then you decided to move to America. I guess to make movies here problem was you didn't speak any English at 'em when I think about that. I just can't imagine it hard enough to go to any country where you don't speak the language but to go to the country looking for a job acting in a language that you don't speak doc I can. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. Took took a lot of Hertzberg as word that comes to mind to do that. Yeah I was kind of an accident in a way because yeah we we wouldn't know me native for an Academy Award of the time for best foreign film with the mainland diverge diverge for nervous breakdown. That's the first time I went to Los Angeles and then you know there was a guy there we visit please call. ICM ACM is an an agency for actors and there was a person there was literally taking coffees to the agent who was not even an agent and he said to me do you modify represent you here in America and this kind of thing that you say yeah sure whatever I didn't. I didn't know I said yeah so I they went back to Spain after this immonen hoping and this guy was actually very perseverance and some point he said to me listen. Did they made me an aging already and I you should go to London to have an interview with a main call. Arne glimcher now Arne Glimcher is the owner of of a very strong our gallery in New York. It's called pays gallery bar. He's a producer to and he wanted data. These movie called mom bookings and yet movie based on a novel won the Pulitzer Prize by Oscar wells and he said you go there and have been with men because you know he's interesting in your performances when says with some movies and he may have character for you in the movie and I say okay so he's finished. Speak Spanish says not he doesn't speak Spanish speaks English. If we want to do this interview so we'll do you manage and go home and they put me on a playing saying and I ended up in London in a restaurant in front of this very elegant men and I just kind of fake it was shy in a speech doc and talk and talk in this town of war he said really just saying yeses and yeah yeah and of course of because things like that you know but I think to the end of the first dish he realized that couldn't speak extinguish because I mean he's just laughing and saw the whole tuition became very funny but for whatever reason he said to me okay very slowly. He's planned to me that I should go to New York and do an screen test learning my lines phonetically and I said to him yeah I can do that. I I can learn from Saint learned a song from the Beatles. Yeah I can do that so that's how I got into turmeric movies. I came here to New York. I didn't screen test seminal period of time of three or four days and I learned my lines is phonetically decided that they were going to take the risk of using me in the movie as an actor so that was the beginning of my American career and I thought it was going to be the exception of the role that was going to go back to Spain and continually moves in his being my activities there you know normally but then the movie came out and Jonathan Jonathan Demme solve it and they call me again and I did a screen test with Tom Hanks for Philadelphia idea another movie ending it was back and forth flay this until I met Melanie Griffith and change my life because we fairly love and the rest just a history you know right. I decided to move to to America Antonio Banderas. It's been a pleasure to talk with you. Congratulations on pain and glory your performances so oh good. Thank you for coming on our show my Phillie Antonio banderas stars in the new federal l Moldova movie pain and glory. My next guest is Conan O'Brien. He's been up up to some new things. He changed the format of his late night. TBS Show and cut it back to half an hour and he now has a popular podcast called Conan O'Brien needs a friend featuring featuring conversations with comics actors and Writers Season Two starts Monday. Conan O'Brien was a comedy writer having worked on the Simpsons and Saturday night live live when he first started hosting NBC's late night in the spot that had been David Letterman's Conan was an unknown as a performer and a lot of people thought he wouldn't make make it but now he's been hosting late night shows longer than anyone else on the air twenty six years his career has taken some surprising twists and turns but he's never never stopped being funny. CONAN O'Brien welcome back to fresh air. It's been a long time and it's a great pleasure to have you back. The podcast is called. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend and my guess is that you have friends. Just don't have time to actually talk with them. That's very good. have I have friends. which what's interesting is that the title of the PODCAST was. It's kind of a joke but as shrewd would tell you. There are no jokes. There is is a grain of truth in it which is for years. I've gotten to know a lot of people and we're friendly but but sometimes when you're in the public eye it can get murky as to who who's really my friend who's GonNa come visit me in the hospital. Aw who is going to come over to my house when my dog dies and drink cocoa with me who is who those people and it is is sort of an exploration of our we really friends or are we just people that are in the same business working at the same shoe factory no on his show business and we see each other when we check in and we see each other when we check out and we're not really particularly close. Do you know what I mean. yes exactly exactly what you mean are. There are people who are close friends who you've interviewed like say Lisa Kudrow who learn things from by actually doing something. I think more formal like an interview rather than just having dinner together yeah. I think I mean I've known Lisa and I really got started in the business together. As twenty two year olds just out of college and we met at an Improv class we both had odd jobs and and we used to meet at a do pars coffee shop and I would talk about will someday. I'll have a show and you'll be famous and you'll be on my show as a guest and the kind of crazy Roese talk that lots of people who are deluded have when they're twenty two only in our case it turned out to actually happen so it'd be hard pressed for me to learn anything new from Lisa when when I had around the interview but there are plenty of people who I've known over the years and you start to talk to them like I had a conversation with Stephen and Colbert and I didn't intend for it to go this way but we really did start to talk about anxiety and how we were both anxious. Catholic kids kids and how we had sort of a punitive inner voice and this sort of emotional number we each didn't ourselves and it went into Stephen talking a lot about his pain and we came out of their of the interview and I didn't. I think I'd connected with him in in this way that I had never thought I could and I have to say. It's just a labor of love the podcasts I just thoroughly thoroughly enjoy it and an allows me at my age after having been in t started when I was twenty two. I'm fifty six now and and I'm having more fun at this stage in my career I've ever had before and I don't think many people get to say that you're kind of shaking things up up in your life. I mean you've changed your our. TBS TV show into a half hour and all these new podcast ventures and doing stand up comedy and now you have this series of performances at clubs around the country what's going on in your life that made you want to make all these changes. I'm having a nervous breakdown. I know it. I knew if I asked thank you yeah. I know deep answer's. Yes yes. It's the Larry King method yeah. Larry King used famously said once I don't I don't prepare for interviews. I just say ask whatever pops into my head. That's my technique and I said that's not a technique. That's just not preparing Larry. That's my technique. Nick is I just get up and I eat a giant him sandwich and then I go in and I say whatever happens and then that's that's my magic but I decided a little while ago. I've loved my career. I've been very lucky and I'm very lucky in my personal life. I married the right person. I I have great kids sort of certain point. You say why not there's so much fear and intensity in my teens twenties thirties into the forties it was so much intensity and iron will and I will work really hard and I must has to be fantastic and this has to be great and this needs to be better than I think. Something happens doctor would say oh yeah your testosterone dropping. You're getting older. They would have some chemical reason and it might be right. I don't don't think I ever had a lot of testosterone and what I've had probably been cutting out. I'm now I think genetically now a Belgian woman but I I often give people stopping me on the street and saying you were very attractive clearly from the Netherlands and you're very tall and I thank them and and we meet for coffee and I move on but I guess I got to a phase where I thought what I don't WanNa do is sleep. Walk my way through my career at this stage. I think it'd be very easy to okay got this down. I can do this for Bunge murs and then sort of fade off into the sunlight or your there's another way to go which is scare yourself and and rather than be intimidated and afraid as a lot of middle aged. People are by everything. That's changing choose to be excited. I'd buy it so are jokes that you feel like you can't tell any more in this era of heightened feminist awareness and the metoo movement like one one of the things you always used to Jewish like Bob Hope Growl at attractive women. I mean yeah. No you know what Azure nobody's let go of artichoke. Can you do that anymore. Yes well first of all. I always molested myself. Yes the other thing is the growl Rowell's when women would come on it. Was this cartoony Bob. Hope thing of. I and I don't know if anybody has ever seen Enid is sexual because I don't know that I come across as being really bluntly honest as that sexual and and so I don't know that I do the growl as much anymore but I find that the response is usually women and laughing at me because it is such a caricature of a cartoonish non-sexual person attempting you know this this crazy what is sort of nineteen fifties or nineteen forty s tiger growls. I don't know that anyone takes it seriously nor should they but hate to lose completely right right. Let's break here and then we'll talk some more if you're just joining us. I guess this Conan O'Brien of Chrissy has tbs show at eleven o'clock at that night but he also now has a podcast. The second season is about to start. It's called CONAN. O'Brien needs a friend season two starts October seventh. We'll be right back. This is fresh air weekend this message comes from NPR sponsor Goldman Sachs for insights from leading thinkers at Goldman Sachs on the state of Markets Markets Industries and the global economy listened to their podcast exchanges at Goldman Sachs. You'll hear a range of topics discussed from the tech. IPO Landscape to China's economic outlook and much more that's exchanges at Goldman Sachs available and apple podcasts spotify stitcher soundcloud and Google play and it g s dot com slash podcast. Let's get back to my interview with Conan O'Brien in addition to his TBS late night. Show you now as popular podcast called Conan. No no Brian needs a friend which starts its second season Monday. It features interviews comics actors and writers. I remember when I was a guest I on your late night show on NBC back in two thousand and four when the show was oh I was like the last gas and when the show is over and you were leaving the set new. You were very generous with your time. You spend a few minutes talking with me and I introduced my husband to you. He's a big Fan and and you said you said well now that the show is over. I can go back to being depressed and it was really funny but at the same time I thought I better some truth to that to that once you leave the stage like depression takes over a yeah. You know it's funny. Everyone has a different. I used to think I'm not depressed. I'm just anxious and I didn't understand band but I've always been. I've as anxious as a little kid. I think I started having real bouts of strong anxiety. In fourth grade. I remembered fourth fifth sixth seventh. Anthony through high school and I was just had a lot of anxiety and anxiety in the night and getting up a lot and and not understanding what it was and so I remember there was a period in my life in my forties when people were saying in in a monkey. Maybe you're depressed and I would be irritated. I would say I'm not depressed. I have anxiety but I'm not depressed and then of course when I finally and got some help you know at this sort of big chaotic time in my life one of the first things that the doctor said to me was I said I'm not depressed. I'm I've just having anxiety. They said you know yeah. Anxiety is a five in chronic anxiety is a it's a subset or form of depression. It's mode you know and so I think because I was able to function function so well. I can always work. I can always get up and do it has to be done and I just thought well. I'm not depressed and I had read accounts of people with with real depression who can't get out of bed and that's never been me and so I'm not that so. I don't have depression but I realized that anxiety is a form It's certainly something they can get in the way of your life and Yeah I did go down. It's sort of a classic trope but I think there's a lot of truth to it. Which is when your perform are when you're on stage. There's no thinking thing you just have to act you. There's no time to think you just do and so for that time that you're in front of people in a weird crazy way. You'd think that the anxiety would be at its peak and it's not everything goes away because there's no time and it's very liberating. It's really freeing. The problem is when it's over and you need to negotiate then you've start thinking again about what what's tomorrow. And what are we going to do and then it's all back in your brain and that's where the problems start so when I say it's time to be depressed again after a show. It's much better now me now I go home and I see my wife and kids and deal L. with whatever they're dealing with and so it's different you know it's not it's not the way it used to be. I used to go home and Brood about what am I going to do next and and what's tomorrow and how was that show and if it was a good show. Can we replicate it tomorrow. If it was a bad show. Oh my God how we make up for that. What will people think. There's less so that now do you think some of that is just kind of getting older and just having more perspective definitely only. I definitely think I think getting old has a bad rap well. You're not older so far you're well. I'm older than I was but it's all relative. If you asked a nineteen year old youtuber they would probably say Conan O'Brien didn't didn't fight in the civil war probably the oldest person they can imagine but I have found when and people get rhapsodic about their childhood and say my boyhood. Nothing will ever be as good as that. I don't understand what they're talking about because because I found youth to be very scary and intimidating and I put a lot of pressure on myself and let me stop you right there. What would you find really scary about childhood. What scared you. The most we're majoring most and my my father used to my father would dress as a clown and hide under the bed and surprise me for he's a very sick man. Does it to this day. Although he's he slower getting out from under it takes about forty minutes. No I would say I as I said I was really anxious and I didn't know how I fit into the world and it was not a good athlete so I would be get. I'd get picked last. I I had a strange name. I think it took me a while to warrant for people to warm up to me. I was not someone who instantly showed up and everyone was like hey look at his Conan. You know high five you know I I was I didn't click with people right away and know where I fit in the world old so yeah childhood was not it wasn't bad. It wasn't traumatic. It was just I find that as I get older there my perspective has changed and I can sort of see the importance of the real things and the unimportance ordinance of the silly things so maybe I'm making too much of this. Put Your father was an infectious disease specialist women. Brigham Hospital L. and still is actually. This is still defy yeah. He does he I don't think he's not teaching in right now but he's he's working on a grant application right now as we speak because his his specialty is microbiology geology and antibiotic resistance and he's every year looking for a more more grant money God. My father did fight a war so he's doing a the job so your father is an infectious disease expert specialists and your mother until she retired was a partner in a law firm so growing up with that. It's they all about consequences. Let Germs that can kill you and your mother like if you do the wrong thing. I don't know what kind of law she practiced but if you do the wrong one thing you can be sued you can go to prison also. Did you grow up with the sense that like everything has like life changing consequences well. I think I will simplify it for you. and that's a- that's sort of a very interesting psychological logical tax you just took with my dad's work and my mom's work and that deserves further exploration but I can simplify simplify it for you. My parents are very Catholic Affleck and so yes you grow up with a very strong sense of consequences you know and and also they I grew up in you. Look at my family and there's that there's an immigrant an Irish immigrant and it doesn't matter where you're from every generation is trying to better their circumstances from the previous generation so my people come over from Ireland. They work in the mills in Central L. Masschusetts then you know you can get out of working in the mills. You're doing what my grandfathers did. which was you're either at a traffic policeman in Worcester mass or you work your way with no college education as my other grandfather did into being a teller at a bank the person sort of organizing the bank to being someone who's helping to run the bank and then would've Eric as do their kids get full full scholarships and go to college and then go on to graduate school and become you know get a law degree in medical degree and so everyone's bettering the situation that they inherited and raising the bar for the next generation and then of course I I was a workaholic as a kid and very serious people have a hard time reconciling that I was not some just naturally brilliant guy I had to work? I was not good at math and science and I made myself like just made myself. If I had to memorize textbooks textbooks I would memorize them because my goal was. I don't know what I'm going to do in this role but I need to get into a good college and I did go. I do once I get to Harvard A. Hey join the the the comedy magazine just as a Lark and the next thing you know that's all I care about so I think in my career there's benet sense of weight. Generation after generation has been pushing the puzzle piece slowly forward and I'm taking making all of this and gambling it on being a professional goofball right so talk about consequences you know to my parents credit they really did imbue in all of us have really powerful moral code and so we've had that since as we were kids too and those can feel like big consequences for the self punishment. I sometimes think there's a sense of like if you punish yourself and if you're penitent in some way that it will avoid harsher externally given punishment like I know I did wrong. I've punish myself so you don't have to do anything. I've taken care of it. It's almost like you know preemptive punishment but it's could be like so damaging well the other way just as you were describing that it's where self deprecating humor comes from and right right. That's my milieu is self deprecating replicating humor but I'll make fun of myself before Terry Gross can because you're known to rip people now I know rule rickles you're the rickles of the airwaves but when I did my first late night show ever all the press had been about can he replace Letterman and how can he and Letterman's the best ever and Letterman when was wronged and this is the idiot that NBC came up with to cover up their mistake and it's the worst and that was sort of the story I remember at the time some people at NBC saint just don't mentioned mentioned the letterman thing when you go on the air and I thought well that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of so we wrote I had an idea and we wrote this cold opening which was as we wake up in the morning and I turn on the TV and it's two people from entertainment tonight reporters saying Ken Coenen be as good as Letterman this the big day. Kenny do it and me smiling like an idiot grinning confident idiot and then marching down the street to Rockefeller Taylor Center and everyone I encounter says better be as good as Letterman and every single and it gets more and more absurd until a horse course goes better be good letterman and I'm smiling and smiling and smiling and then I finally get to my hi dressing room and I go in and I'm whistling happily getting ready to do the show and I make a noose. I put my ad in it and justice. Let's just about to hang myself. There's a knock on the door and they say Conan. It's time now the people at NBC were appalled. They're like you can't do this and I'm like no. No this is exactly exactly what we have to do. We have to go right at it and it turned out people to this day. Tell me they that was the first time they ever saw me and they really loved that and that is very me. which is? I'm going to mock myself before you can and it's tricky because you can overdo it and it's all you know it's preemptive and that's exactly honestly what you're saying. which is self-flagellation and punishing yourself? is a way ultimately me of being in control because if I hurt myself than I've handled the punishment no one else has to and you can get as we know so it can turn into an SM fetish can also as we all know you can you know what I'm talking about anyway but it but it it's very much it's all about control and at the end of the day so many of you've the problems in our life our US trying to assert control where we don't have a lot of control comedians are the ultimate ultimate control freak so we're trying to control how you feel about us at any given moment so yeah on some level. A lot of have you know humor is preemptive. It's I will find this all ridiculous before you can find me ridiculous your tbs shows starts with this montage of you of like Conan through the years studying with you and you're a very young child and then being like an older child the teenager and adult and then having your own shows so I wanted to spend a little more time in the young CONAN years. We Love Music and you you play guitar you sing. You don't try to pass yourself off as a professional musician but you clearly love music or no in the studio where you are. You're there was a guitar sitting there and doing the soundtrack. I heard you just playing around with it. Would you be willing to just play and sing something that you are so proud. You learned when you were young when you first picked up a guitar when I first put to oh well okay. This is when a comedian picks up a guitar Dr Unless these Steve Martin. It's time to go. It's time to get out so you've been warned yeah. There's a I think kind of out of tune guitar here and Yeah I was just in a room I come into this room and I'm messing around with the guitar. When suddenly I realize you're here and then you have a Gotcha moment of this but hold on The only reason I play guitar is because when I was in college I really got into the music of the early early sun sessions of Elvis Presley so the first thing I learned was Elvis's version of Blue Moon of Kentucky and I just give you a second of it but he played this and it was a bit of scandal at the time because this was not the way you were supposed to play Blue Moon of Kentucky in this just makes me happy and so again my apologies but I said boom blooming dooming keep heap signed by moving to keep on shining by going to bring you back my baby to nap blooming asset blue moon herb doug would keep on Shining John on the woman's left left has to vote phones. John cusack was it was that better starshine blowing hammer said you pass burp took risky phones Johnny John on the Woman's. GonNa let me something like that. Yes I loved it. That was great. You really put yourself into that. Why are you crying Conan O'Brien. It's been great to have you back on the show. Thank you so much and good luck with all the new projects you have no thank you and you are one of my all time favorite people to talk to and you're really brilliant at this and it's it's a joy so thank thank you so much for having me on this is free therapy you so much for saying that. CONAN O'Brien host Conan Weekday Nights at eleven on tbs the second can season of his podcast Conan O'Brien needs a friend starts Monday fresh fresh air weakened is produced by Teresa Madden fresh. Air's executive producer is Danny Miller our technical director and Engineer Audrey Bentham our interviews and reviews produced Houston edited by Amy Salad Myers Roberta shorrock. Sam brigger Lauren and renewable denardo Heidi Soman Moods Eighty Thea challenor Seth Kelly and general title Wolfram Molly Seavy Nesper as our associate producer of digital media. I'm Terry Gross.

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Conan O'Brien

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

50:49 min | 2 years ago

Conan O'Brien

"This message comes from NPR sponsor Dell. Dell small business technology advisers offer one on one partnerships and reliable business PC's with Intel core processors to help you get business done. Call eight seven seven by Dell. Hey, it's Peter Segal. If you're a normal. Wait, wait listener, you shout out the answers to all the questions, and then you get frustrated that no one knows how brilliant you are. Here's the solution. The wait wait quiz available now on your smart speaker, just ask your smart speaker to open the wait, wait quiz. Finally, your genius shall be recognized. From NPR and WBZ Chicago. This is wait. Wait, don't tell me the NPR news quiz. Sorry. Mitch mcconnell. Nobody blocks this Bill. Bill Kurtis, then here's your host at the chase Bank auditorium in downtown Chicago petered say thank you. Great show for you today later on we're going to be talking to Conan O'Brien the late night host who has been towering over the competition since the mid nineties, but I something happened last week that hasn't happened in almost five years. And that is Bill Kurtis missed a show. We don't know where he was Bill where did you go, and why are you back? So soon that news Peter that was already kicked off the bachelor. We don't have a rose for you. If something better to the votes of anyone you might like on your voicemail. So give us a call. The number is one triple eight, wait. Wait that's one eight eight eight nine two four eight nine two four. Hi, you're on. Wait. Wait, don't tell me. I doing I'm doing fine. Who is this Sam from Yuma? Arizona yuma. How are things in Yuma? Well, they're not quite as cold where you guys are. Absolutely true. What do you do in Yuma? I may range scheduler for the Marine Corps air station down here. What is what did you say? Your John wants range scheduler, we manage the training areas at the marines and other agencies use to conduct their training for real world situations, right? And that's an important job. Because if you if you mess up the schedule guys, we'll go out and start fighting each other. Pointing into each other. Yes. That would both be bad. Both we bad. I'm glad you're on the job then. Well, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week Sam I up it's a correspondent for CBS Sunday morning and host of the brand new podcast Mobitai Aries, which you can find anywhere you get your podcast. It's Mojo rock. Radiant and host of the trivia podcast. Go fact yourself the maximum fund that work it's Helen hall. Finally, it's a comedian who will be at the Cobb boo festival in grand came in on February sixteenth. If you happen to be there. It's a loves oh, boating. Have you ever to play who's Bill this time Bill Curtis back with us is going to read you three quotations from the week's news your job as I'm sure you know, is to correctly identify. Explain just two of them do that. You will win are prize. The voice of anyone you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to play is ready? So I'm gonna be alright. Your I quote is from a letter sent by the president this week. Obviously if you would like to make your journey by flying commercial that would certainly be your daddy. That was a letter from President Trump telling someone he was cancelling her trip overseas. Sorry whose trip net people. Yes. Speaker Pelosi very good. Thought things couldn't get any nastier in Washington. The beef between the president and the speaker of the house went from constitutional confrontation to real housewives of Pennsylvania Avenue. First speaker Pelosi let the president know that with the government shutdown. Maybe he shouldn't deliver the state of the union address as scheduled. It was a political equivalent of thanks for asking me out. But I'll be washing my hair every night until the sun explodes. Is it a little romantic though? It's like, I don't know. It's a little bit like, Tracy and Hepburn. The way the two of them are going at each other. It's nothing like good, really. After. Thinking version, those people had charm, and charisma ability. I said it's the opposite of tracing burns. Well, it it would be fun except it's real. This is the president and the speaker at a house having little spat. That's affecting you know, what I mean. It's like, it's a real thing. Like, I fly all the time. And there are certain TSA employees that have this kind of like angry old school grandmother vibe. Yeah, we need to send her to the White House. Probably just smack some by. I'm getting paid. Yeah. You should be getting paid. Would she leaves should be getting paid on that? We we have to mention only because we thought this is going to be the craziest thing that happened this week the dinner that President Trump through for the Clemson Tigers football team. You may remember this. It was a year ago on Monday. As you know, or as President Trump told us because the government shutdown closed, the White House mess he out of the goodness of his own heart decided to pay for dinner himself. So he made this amazing wonderful fast food feast and the Washington Post in careful analysis decided it cost him about three thousand dollars. That's half his net worth. Although we did see. Okay. Peter his dad paid for. It's true. Probably. I don't want to disparage fast food because I a McDonald's. French fry a hot fresh McDonald's. French fry is a revelation, but like a four hour old MacDonald French fry I tried to offer that wants to a foster dog. And he was like just take me back to the pound lady. Entirely possible. By the way, that this whole thing was a scam. He just ordered it for himself, and he got caught. And he's like, oh, yes. You're you're next quote is from the floor of the house of parliament in the United Kingdom this week. Order order. That was just a little bit chaos. Reined in London as British politicians voted against the plan to do what? That would be exit birth. Yes. Brexit brexit. Going to happen. It's going to be terrible. It's incredibly complicated. Imagine it this way. You have a mommy and daddy who love each other very much, but they decide they'd like to live apart and then daddy sets himself on fire. Britain is like blowing up there destroying their own economy. They can't figure out how to do it. They can't figure out how not to do it. They're in crisis. They'll hate each other. It's a disaster. But on the other hand, it's kind of sweet that the US in the United Kingdom are going through horrible times. Together, we've been allies for two hundred years and now we're all falling apart. It's like when women hang out a lot and their cycles coordinate. You know, it really is. So like, you said Peter who would have guessed that the United States and Britain would get into who's worst. Come. Oh, you think you're leaders bad? Oh, yeah. Well, watch out. Well, we don't even want ours. Well, we'd never wanted. I mean, this is it is incredible. What's going? I wonder if they've talked to each other and been like, well, Trump would be like, you know, I'm winning. They hate me more. They they hate me tremendously. It's the most hate anyone's ever had in history. Can I say, I actually I got it. Now, I think that Donald Trump Nancy Pelosi are like Bruce Willis and civil shepherd in moonlighting. Okay. Thoroughly Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor and who's afraid of Virginia Woolf. I'll give you maybe bores into tasha. Sit in Nancy. All right. We got one more quote for you here. It is. I like to tidy up the entire planet. That's a quote from the host of a new Netflix show. That is everybody throwing everything out. Who is it? Oh my gosh. I know the name of I've I've seen commercials for it. But I cannot remember that that the name. Okay. So last name, it's not a co-op and her for like some last name Antoinette first name Marie. Okay. And last name. Buying an apartment. It's you're not buying a house. How good Mary Ren? Yeah. One. The author of the book the life changing magic of tidying up. Marie condo. If you haven't seen her. She's this tiny constantly smiling. Japanese woman who says you should get rid of any possession that doesn't spark joy? And what does that mean? She likens this feeling to what happens when you hold a puppy. So listen puppies of America. Stay on top of the game. Because one more accident, we're lovingly placing you done. Listen. This woman is a cult leader. She she the whole sparks joy thing that goes for your family members for your spouse's, right? How many spouses would be dropped off? Armie just like I'm not getting the puppy field. She has this weird sort of theory of emotional relationships to your possessions, for example. This is true. When you decide to throw something out because it no longer sparked joy, you have to thank it for its service to you say, for example. Thank you dress for making me feel pretty at the prom. And thank you for letting me know how fat I am today. Peter, I hate to say this. But this is why black people laugh at wipe you. You sit you watch a TV show. And it's like, yeah, I'm a throw away. Everything I have trust me. Black people like throw it over here. Sadi's is not sparking joy. You know, what I mean like you guys need to stop. Bill. How did Sam he worked so hard number three? But he was already a winner with two out of threes. By that. Right. Oh panel. It is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Helen, Costco, has announced that they've sold out nationwide of their new product that was all the rage this week at twenty seven pound bucket of what at twenty seven pound. Can I have a hint craft was very very jealous of what they were able to do a bucket of cheese? Bucket of what end cheese MAC and cheese, MAC and cheese. Twenty seven pound macaroni. In a single industrial size bucket. If you like your food like your like your wall spackle. And head to Costco. It's an eighty nine dollar twenty seven pound bucket of macaroni and cheese with the shelf life of twenty years. But if you are the kind of person who wants this no way, are you living that long? It's so it's not cooked back and cheese. It's dry. Apparent macaroni is dry early shelf, stable macaroni and cheese that you can just scoop out. Awesome. Yeah. I hate the fact that I knew that. But you gotta think that the the guys who had the fast food at the White House or like, well, it could have been worse. Coming up our panelists do their part for mother earth. The two of them are lying about it. If loved to listed a game called one triple eight great way to play. We'll be back in a minute with more weight dumbing from NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor R E I REI believes that a life outdoors is a life. Well lived and they have for eighty years. So check out their podcast wild ideas worth living for inspiring stories of people and taking the road, less traveled here from explorers, athletes, authors and experts in the field follow how they're taking wild ideas and making them a reality every day find it an I tune Spotify, Stitcher or wherever you listen to podcasts, we take most things for granted. Like our morning coffee. But there are a lot of people behind that Cup of coffee and AJ Jacobs set out to thank all of them. It doesn't take a village to make a Cup of coffee and takes the world ideas around appreciation on the Ted radio hour from NPR. From NPR WBZ, Chicago. This is wait. Wait, don't tell me the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Lonzo Boden. Mojo Raka at Helen Hong. And here again is your that the chase Bank auditorium in Chicago Peters Saigol. Wait, wait to listen game. One triple eight wait wait two player game in the air. Hi, you're on. Wait. Wait, don't tell me. This is Rebecca from Dell Mara suburb outside of Albany New York capital region as they say if there what do you do there? I work I work in the department of environmental conservation. Environmental conservation are things changing in New York state. I understand there's sort of a political transformation going on that the case not a car. Well, Rebecca, it's great to have you with us. You're gonna play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction Bill. What is Rebecca's topic? You have a hoot don't pollute cut. You. According to the latest data the earth will be uninhabitable in about twenty five years, but that hasn't stopped people from trying to make things better this week. We read about a surprising effort to heal the planet pick the real one you'll win our prize. The wait wait voice of your choice on your voicemail ready to fly. First let's hear from Alonzo boat. We've all heard stories of soccer hooligans drinking fighting and rioting before the game at the game. After the game on their way to the game on the way, home from the gang. The game is just a brief intermission from there. Right. Well, now to prove they're not bad people, just overly passionate hooligans have come together to clean the streets around there arenas, the day after a match and the accompanying riot soccer fans are coming down to pick up litter beer cans, broken bottles. You name it. According to euro, sport magazine, even become competitive at it. Arthur Simeon, a huge Barscelona and messy fan says. Yes, sometimes we get out of control. But if we play Saturday, we're out here cleaning Sunday, we weigh our recyclables and compare amounts to other clubs around Europe to see who cleans up best. I just wanna know we've out cleaned, Portugal and Rinaldo, Danny O'Brien. What for Fance's? Yeah. It's a gig to get out here and see what we've done the day after a win the cleanup's got people who don't even know football, hoping we went makes the neighborhood nicer who knows maybe it'll catch on even in the states, we've seen how you Yanks are after a championship. I guess it doesn't even take a championship. The raiders may not play proper football. But those fans are proper hooligans. Football in Europe during their part. Both before and after their riots your next story of someone working to be environmentally conscious comes from Helen Hong drug dealers. Have a lot to worry about getting rated by the cops of course, getting murdered by ruthless drug cartels. Sure, sure. But also climate change is real you guys saving the environment has become such a concern for cocaine dealers in Birmingham England that they've stopped selling the white powder in ziplock Baggies, and I've started using reusable pods. The practice though woke is confusing their customers who frankly just wanna get high. I was given a gram of cocaine in this plastic thing and Medina said they were not serving in plastic ziplock bags or reps any mall. One confused coke. Fiend told metro dot UK. He said could bring it back. If I wanted to would refill it and that it would be for the environment. Biodegradable paper straws for snorting are sold. Separately. Cocaine dealers in Great Britain getting with the environment by using. By using reviews containers for their coq your last story, but surprising attempt to make the world. A better place comes from. Oh, Raka Maryland hill is a flight attendant. She lives in Cincinnati, Ohio and she works for sun country airlines and on sun country airlines, they serve bananas a lot and Maryland really hates touching banana peels. And so she wears gloves. So that she doesn't have to touch them. But sun country has a small budget for gloves. And so sometimes she's ended up having to handle the slimy. Banana peels and she gets upset he's huge environmental hazard, just Dan appeals everywhere. And so she was so frustrated she started making a Bloody Mary on the plane, and she cut her hand she was very upset about. And then she she just impulsively took one of the banana peels and wrapped it around her hand and magically healed the wound in her hand. And what's more? More. She was the flight attendant on the flight the regular flight from Cincinnati Macau. And when she got to Macau, she usually has jet lag. But she found that the potassium from the banana peel filtered into her system, and she no longer had jetlag. So she discovered these amazing medical properties of banana peels in. So she sold at Merck. This this Merck paid her huge amounts of money. And with that money. She has now up the budget for some countries gloves. So no flight attendant ever needs to touch banana peel again. I think I've grasped this. These are your choices from Alonzo Boden soccer hooligans doing their part to clean up the grounds where they have rioted or might riot from Helen Hong cocaine dealers in Great Britain deciding to use reusable pods instead of environmentally wasteful plastic Baggies and for more Raka. Tale this time. To flight attendant discovers that banana peels can be used for their health benefits, thereby preventing them from being disposed as waste. Exactly. Thank you. None of these are super compelling. I'm gonna go with Lonzo on the soccer. Again, you're going to soccer. And again bulletins are running around and cleaning up the places where they riot. Because that's how they are. Well, we spoke to somebody who knew something about the real story one of the usage and one day. And we'd actually the dealer who said. The environment. If he could return this refill it. I'm sure you thought that was still Helen talking. Raising Lee accurate accents. In fact, it was hell in story that was that was James Roger head of trends at Birmingham live talking to us about the environmentally woke cocaine dealers that so I'm sorry. You were fooled by Alonzo's, very very nice story. But you have earned a point at least for him. So thanks playing. And now the game where we ask people who've done a lot and been everywhere about something. They avoided the whole time. It's called not my job back in nineteen Ninety-three David Letterman left his job hosting late night. And then B C to replace him. The network picked to completely unknown comedy writer who almost never appeared on camera before. And now Conan O'Brien host of Conan on TBS has the longest tenure of anyone in late night. He joins us now Conan O'Brien. Welcome to wait. Wait, don't tell me. Thank you very much. Everyone tweet that too much applause. Thank you. I have heard varying versions of your Arjun story as a late night host one of them being that you were just somebody in the Simpsons writers room said Conan. He's funny and charming. Let's give him a show other versions that you addition for what's the truth. The truth is that I had it was really my association with live. I was a young writer at out live, and I was the writer that was kind of known to sort of perform my sketches for the other writers and perform them for people and get them laughing. I think Lorne Michaels notice that I left out live. I went onto the Simpsons. And I worked there for about a year and a half two years when Lorne Michaels was charged with who's the new guy is gonna replace Letterman. And he said, you know, there's this guy Conan he's got something, and they looked into it. And it turns out I really didn't have anything. But I told them and here we are all these years later. It must have been crazy. Those first years because you weren't a stand up. You didn't have a following performer. And you were thrown you're going to be a national television where you scared or you're nervous were you excited deluded? And I I want to advise your audience that there's nothing like delusion. There's nothing like if you think you can't do something convince yourself that you can have a few drinks and go do it. That's I really believed. I could do it. And I was also terrified at the same time. But I think I had a deep seated belief that America needed to see me on there. Belief not really shared by anyone else. Stuck to it? Take conan. It's mohi. How dare you speak to me directly. I forgot you're gonna work. Here's how we're going to work. Your question has to go through Bill Curtis. Bill. Would you ask I heard that a lot of late night show hosts when they get home a lot of times, they can't even remember who was a guest earlier that day the taping doing so many shows you ask them about that, Gordon, can you? Remember, the guests on the show that night? Stupid question. Yes. Funny to most point. No, you do the show, and it becomes your. So in the moment when you're doing it, and I like in the whole experience, and I'm actually not even kidding about this. I think everyone's probably in your audiences familiar with the famous toy the edges sketch where you turn the knobs, you create a picture, you create something, and then you just shake it. And it's gone and you start again every day. I come in. And I learned everything I can that. I need to know for that show. And I learned to the best that I can I can tell you everything about the gas, and I can tell you everything about the comedy the minute. It's over a shake the sketch and all of its gone, and I go home, and I don't know what we did. I've done four thousand hours of rod casting. I'm told nine of it quite good. You have. I I want to get onto what you're doing now, which is really interesting very things. But I. Pornography. Well, that's exciting. Tall enough. Of course, your you would never enter the frame, which would be good for your. I don't lean down critical. Actually, I I couldn't I have met on one occasion. It was right before the White House correspondents dinner, and I have my picture taken with you, which I'm grateful for it. And you did something you crouched instantly without being asked you just sort of crouched? So that you, and I would be in the same frame that you must have to do that one hundred times a day. I who are uninsured dated. I am a lot all our than people think I am. And whenever I go anywhere in the country or the world. All people say to me is good guide your so much bigger than you are on television. And I always say you need a bigger television. And my daughter now has said you need a different line. Well, Conan O'Brien, we are delighted to talk to you. But we've asked you to play a game. We're calling to even cocoa. Meet hot cocoa. Your supporters fans are known as team CoCo. But what do you know about actual cocoa? The tasty beverage everything. Really do. That's a bold statement, sir. There's not a thing. You can ask me about hot cocoa that. I do not know. Well, I'm interested in what's going to happen now because we have in fact with Barrett's three questions for you about hot cocoa answer two of them correctly. You will win our price. One of our listeners the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Are you ready to do this? I was born ready who is Bryan playing for Jason McGee of Raleigh, North Carolina. All right. First question, you think it's just what kids drank instead of coffee but hut? Coco can change your life as it did. For whom a Bernie Madoff who after he was convicted and imprisoned for fraud. Quote, cornered the prison market on Swiss Miss hot chocolate. Be Jeff Bezos whose first internet business was delivering steaming cups of hot chocolate to people suffering through the Seattle winter or see Eric McMillan who was inspired to invent the kids ballpit by looking at many marshmallows floating in his hot chocolate. Eric McMillan, very calm. Peter, I'm gonna say this one more time. It was actually a was Bernie Madoff. I'd like to contest. No, Jeff, apparently, a born traitor is born trader apparently made made very well from self in prison with the Swiss Miss hot chocolate. Yeah. I got that one wrong because I believe in our penal reform system. I'm shocked that they would let Bernie Madoff do that. So in a way, I'm counting that answer is correct. People really does your second question. People. Really love cocoa. A lot so much that at one time people were doing what a mixing protein powder into cocoa. So it would be the only thing they'd ever have to eat be snorting lines of cocoa powder like coke or see trying to have transfused into their body instead of blood is be snorting cocaine. Well cocoa as cocaine. Their old habits hard. The answer is B snorting. Coco right. Coco. Snorting talk about was camping by Belgian chocolate here who invented a little device that would shoot cocoa powder into your nose engineer. And I've worked with him. Have you tried this coke? I I have. It's fantastic. There's an incredible high. Latch for about twenty minutes. And then you you have to cough out the marshmallows. Wonderful experience. When you wake up you wearing German shorts. I don't know. All right last question. You can get this right for chocolate lovers. There's a pill created by a French scientist, which for thirteen dollars a bottle will do what a make anything you eat including meat tastes, like chocolate be make your farts, smell like chocolate or see it gives you chocolate dandruff instead of dry skin, you shed chocolate flakes. The answer is your answer is a that. It makes anything you eat. Wait like chocolate. So you'd be sitting there eating say prime rib. Yes. Chocolate chocolate chocolate. It's b. I'm sorry. But yes, the idea is a little pill, and you take it. And if you take it your smell like, Chuck, there's also a strawberry option. I didn't go for that. Because it scatalogical. I don't work blue. I didn't realize this was that kind of show. But I guess it's all about farts now. We've you and I hope you're proud of yourself. Phil Conan O'Brien do on our show. We throw the score out because he's the only guest we've had when anything he says is right coda king. Brian is the host so many shows, including the new podcast, Brian needs, a friend. You can also see him on Conan without borders on Netflix in on Conan on TBS Conan, O'Brien what a pleasure to finally have you on. Thank you. It doesn't minute Bill. Get some alone time with his Doritos the listener Limerick challen one triple eight wait wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute. With more of Wade, don't tell me from NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor Capital One with the new Capital One saver card. You can earn four percent cashback on dining and entertainment. That means for percent on checking out that new restaurant. Everybody's talking about and four percent on watching your team win at home. Now when you go out you cash in you'll also in two percent cashback at grocery stores and one percent on all other purchases. What's in your wallet? This week on ask me another. We've got TV's favorite muscle, man. Terry crews from Brooklyn nine nine and he chats about his multiple towns and how he stays humble in Hollywood, it's dropping in your feet Friday, January eighteenth on NPR's our puzzles where games and trivia. From NPR be Chicago. This is wait. Wait, don't tell me the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Curtis who are playing this week with heaven Hong Morocca and Lonzo Boden here. Again is your host at the chase Bank auditorium in Chicago, Peter say go. Bill will be exposed the leader of an organized rhyme ring. It's our listener Limerick geolog- if you'd like to play give us a call at one triple eight, wait that's one eight eight nine two four eight nine two four right now panel more questions for you from the week's news. Mo a new study has found that men are more attracted to women who have big bushy. What? I bet it's I. Yeah. I got that. I'm I'm attracted to women with big. The study asked two thousand people to rate a series of photos on their attractiveness and found that women with thicker eyebrows. Scored higher than women with thinner eyebrows. Only to appoint they going to be so thick birds start nesting to. I've been doing apparently got free Paolo buoying, exactly. So what about I need to get by? Ow implants about about. All these women who shave them off and draw them back on they've been doing it wrong. They should draw them on early thick like your Mark. It's no surprise that men would find thicker eyebrows, attractive? How many times have we seen women have at a party say, hey, my eyes are down here. Nice bushes. See to eyebrows are bushy. That's probably what you say. Nice bushes. Not no I said Bush as. Mm. Oh, no, one should give up hope this week. It was announced that a mate had finally been found for a very lonely what after ten year search lonely. A made had been found a mate. Thank you sort of made me had been found. For my part. So dirty right now. Okay. The. Mate had been found for a loan leper. No. I don't know. Maybe. Okay. Anyway, what clue? Klu klu, sitting all that was wanted somebody to share lily pad a lonely toes, technically. But I'll give it. Specifically, quote, what's known in scientific circles is the world's loneliest frog. Now, you may be asking how do they know? This frog was lonely. It's simple. They read his journal that was filled with poetry. Romeo is the name of an endangered wind gusts frog and he's been alone in captivity for the last decade, we'll scientists have and looking for a mate, you thought you had it bad. This guy is team of people trying to find a match and it took him ten years. Okay. They're hoping that. Species. They're hoping that they will read. They start a Netflix account for them. So they can Netflix and chill on the. I did anyone kissed the frog just to make sure that. Yeah. Right. Because that would be viewed. You'd probably want to do that. I this is like a hallmark movie coming. It'd be sad. If they got together, and they turn on Netflix. I watch Marie condo and the males. Like, I'm sorry. You gotta go. Coming up. It's lightning fill in the blank. But I the game where you have to listen to the rhyme if you'd like a play on air, call leave a message at one triple eight wait that's one eight nine two four eight nine two four or click. The contact us Lincoln our website. That's wait, wait, NPR dot org. And for all of you out there too nervous to call in play. I know we're intimidating now. You don't have to you can play the new wait, wait quiz available on your smart speaker. Just ask your Alexa or Google home to open, the wait, wait quiz. That's open the wait, wait quiz and Bill, and I will be right there inside your little device to ask you some questions and to hear your answers. It's just like the radio show only. Now when you shout things at us. We will hear you given high your wait. Wait, don't tell me. This is doc shirl calling from cedar City, Utah cedar city now where is cedar city. Are you near some of the great national parks? They're like Zion. We are. Yeah. We're in near kind of in between Diane and Bryce canyon. Right this beautiful there. What do you do there? I'm actually a park ranger for the national park. Wow. About it. Are you not? Are you not getting paid right now? That is correct. Load. I believe. The time to call in. So what are you doing with your what do you do all your free time? This is I would say the highlight of it. So far. Zach welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is gonna be three news related limericks. The last word or phrase missing from each of you can fill in that last phrase correctly in to the lyrics. You will be a winner ready to play. I'm ready here is your first Limerick salt and vinegar crumbs on my lips make me feel an affect in my hips. I am put in the mood by my salty snack food. I'm turned on from this big bag of chips. Yes. But Tatum jets. Finally, sexy back feed maker Tyrrells has created Afridi's EAC flavor chips or crisps as they call them over there. It's essential mood setting combination of Honey, Chile salt and crumbs on your sweater food. That makes you feel more sexy while driving away anyone you might actually want to have sex with. Apparently, Honey and Chile or a powerful effort easy at combo, but it's going to really suck when you actually get a bag of sex chips from the office vending machine. Woes spreadsheet don't mind if I do. I'd never thought of Honey and Chile go into gather pretty far apart on the flavor scale. I guess that's why we Honey hot chili actually sound like the start of a good stripper bit. Exactly say right there. All right stand correctly. Here is your next Limerick with armpits, I've never been vain, bro. But I found this great ROY g biv stain though. I explore all the Hughes just like unicorns do and my armpits look just like a rainbow. And you didn't know about you that you could hate it. It's called unicorn armpit hair people are dying their armpit hair all the colors of the rainbow. And this time the treasury at the end of it is funky smell. Are we society just getting so lonely? People are like, hey, I'll try this absolute try some rainbow hair with some chili Honey chips. Yep. We're just looking for meaning wherever we all right? Here is your last limit. We think grassy grain liquor will see blah, grab a large rock of ice and the clean, straw sip. A gluten free malt from Peruvian volts. We're making our whiskey from draw. No, it's a tough one. You may not even know this. I'll give it to you one. It's keen. Keno finally a beverage that combines the pretension of someone who drinks single malt. Whisky the smug satisfaction of someone who eats Cain wa. The only way could be worse whiskey. We're also somehow vinyl record. Distiller? Derek Bell started experimenting with keen wa the whisky a few years ago. Do quote distinct flavor and perceived health benefits. Oh, right. Go hunting. You're getting it wrong. I'm not a drunk on a health nut. Bill. How does that do in our quiz that got two out of three? I hope you get back to work soon. Good luck to you Bye-bye. Support for this podcast in the following. Investors comes from strove voted the number one running out five years in a row by the running awards. Straw is eight tracking at but training log and a global community of active people just like you running around in circles mostly to keep themselves from shouting at their children. Straw is free and works with almost every phone GPS, watch Goto, straw dot com slash wait. Download the app and get going so far this podcast. And the following message comes from simply safe home security. Simply safe is complete wireless protection for your home. They can be self installed in under an hour. There are no long term contracts. No hidden fees. See that the wire cutter and MAG all named SimpliSafe an editor's choice for home security and simply safe protects over two million people every day. Learn more about simply safe and how to protect your home and family with their home security systems at SimpliSafe dot com slash. Wait. Now, it's time to our final game. Lightning fill in the blank each of our players sixty seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can correct answers now worth two points. Bill. Can you give us the score MO has three and Helen Alonzo each have five oh my God. I did that happen. So Helena, Lonzo have five and mo- only has three which is a little embarrassing. But. Oh, that means that you are up first. So here we go the confirmation hearings for William bar Trump's nominee for blank concluded on Wednesday attorney, John, right? Many men objected and threatened to ban razor company. Gillette after the company released an ad encouraging men to blank to to to to not be toxically max skill and that's good enough. Not be jerks during testimony in the trial of El Chapo witness claimed that the former president of blank took one hundred million dollar bribe from the drug kingpin Mexico. Yes. On Wednesday ISIS to credit for a suicide bombing at a restaurant in blank and Syria. Right. This week in Australian politician running for parliament announced his plan to ban unsolicited political text messages using blank text unsolicited. Text message following calls for federal investigation AT and T announced. It would no longer be selling users blank data. User data. What specific kind of day. User data that was found on phones and subscription. As part of their familiarity with the people who oftentimes say teen. I couldn't see. Eighteen what kind of data day are not going to sell data that you would use on your phone? They would not sell the data. The information would not sell your location location data where you are. According to new research, increasing daily movement, my help elderly people stave off blank death. This case dementia. No death of the mind. In Kentucky trying to knock over a family's ten foot tall snowman with this car failed because the snowman was blank. It was actually it was a real recited the snowman was an ice house. No. It was a snowman built around giant tree. 'fore? I do. The man. So the giant snowman in the front yard of the lots home and couldn't resist he revved up his car and plowed right into a five foot tree, stump. It's unclear if the driver was injured, but the snowman survived at least early meets his new chew nemesis. The sun Bill how did mow doing our quiz? You got five right? Ten more points. His thirteen is now in the lead proving there's no mode bitchy wary. Did I? Product placement. Dot com. We flipped coin Helen has decided to go right now. So here we go L info on the blank on Thursday. Former Trump lawyer blank revealed that the president paid him to rig polling data Michael on Tuesday. A federal judge blocked President Trump's proposed citizenship questions on the twenty twenty blank. Right. This week reported that the Pentagon would begin scrutinising new recruits who have blanks. Greencard right on Monday. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau accused the blank of arbitrarily sentencing Canadian citizen to death on Syria, China this week people warned that silicon valley's housing market was getting out of hand. When the landlord revealed he had rented a fifteen hundred dollar a month apartment to blank to. Yes. According to a new study blank is melting six times faster than it was and seventy. Antarctica on Wednesday video-sharing giant blank announced a ban on dangerous or harmful pranks, you to write a woman in Texas was banned for life from her local, WalMart when employees caught her blanket. Oh, drinking wine out of Pringles can. Yes. The best detail. He was doing that. While riding around the store, I'm one of those motorized carts. She is hashtag goal. Gee is living her best life. She share in. We'd love. This woman employs the woman came into the WalMart and the morning grabbed a motorized guard and fill the dream that none of us realized we had. Oh now after few hours of police arrived, even though they banned the woman from the store Pringles drunk cart. Walmart racing is now being considered the twenty twenty two Olympic Bill. How did Helen do in our quiz? I think she did pretty well seven, right? Fourteen more points total of nineteen and the league. And how many then does the Lonzo need to win seventy time but eight to win that is a tall order. We got. Here we go Alonzo. This is for the game fill in the blank after a year of saying there was no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia Rudolph Giuliani this week said blank. There was collusion. You said Trump he said Trump didn't collude in that. He never said there was no collusion. The Trump campaign. We'll give it to you. Ring. A bell officials at the mouth premier force base in Montana has warned the public that its nuclear arsenal is under constant attack by blank. Okay. Let me try to mow. This went out. Airbase and they have nuclear weap- the nuclear weapons are eaten by the nuclear weapon. Eating the. Squirrels trick is never stopped for breath. Yeah. Following commented about victims of the Larry Nassar scandal. The interim president of blank resigned on Wednesday. Michigan state, right? According to a new study American should limit their red meat consumption to one blank a week one twenty seven pound tub. No one hamburger after repeated thefts. The Washington State Department of transportation was forced to swap out a sixty nine mile marker sign with a blank seventy mile marker. No, they're replacing these sixty nine mile marker sign with sixty eight point nine miles on for some reason the sign for mile marker sixty nine on the one ninety five in Washington state has been stolen several times over the past few years coursing transportation department officials to replace it with a sign reading sixty eight point nine instead when asked why they thought the sixty nine miles. I was getting stolen so often. State officials said we're not entirely sure people think it's nice. Bail did Alonzo do well enough to win with three points. No, he didn't Dan the heavens are with this. Just a minute. We're gonna answer panelist Rekondo's convince us to throw out all our stuff. What will be the next big self-help trend? Thanks for farm house tavern for feeding us, even if you didn't bring carrots this week. Wait, wait, don't tell me is the production of NPR on WBZ Chicago in association with urgent haircut. Productions Doug Berman benevolent overlords. Philip Goto rights are limericks public address announcer. Paul Freedman our house managers Tyler green assisted by Simon Trenton, Mary oleo, our interns or Alex Mogollon. Rachel clipper, our web guru is best Novi B J Liederman composed. Our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer mills miles during boss and Lillian king. Any other use of this broadcast or any pictures accounts of the game prohibited without the consent of Peter Gwynne technical director Lorna whiter master of operations, Colin Miller, actually coordinators wherever Newhouse our senior producers chill in the executive producer? Wait, wait. Don't tell me is Michael Danforth. Now fan of what will be the next trend in self improvement Alonzo voted. People stopped listening to Marie condo and keep their stuff. Helen, we'll break into other people's homes and throw out their stuff because why stop at your own Rocco in her new series. Marie condo goes to Washington DC by the end of the series. No one is left. That happens panel will ask you about it white white don't tell Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to about Helen Hong mall. Raka? Thanks to all of you for. Sago next week. This is NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor. Comcast business. Business has always been driven by innovators. That's why Comcast business is helping you with technology that provides better experiences. Comcast business beyond fast. Actual speeds. Vary and are not guaranteed.

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Checking In with Conan O'Brien

In Bed with Nick and Megan

46:48 min | 10 months ago

Checking In with Conan O'Brien

"Right now an ear of the neighborhood listened starring Paul. Tomkins in Nicole. Parker is out for free. Check out the first episode with special guests. Maria Laszewski wherever you get your podcasts for more follow at Your Wolf on social media happy listening. He cuties. You can listen to add free new episodes of bird with Nick and Meghan the famous mini series. I mean podcast. Only on stitcher premiums month hit thirty days of stitcher premium. Go to Stitcher, premium dot, com, laver name for the site and use Promo Code. In bed and. Or, is it say? Because the PODCAST is called in mammoth nine. Oh in bed, right because the podcast you like podcast, right whether you listen occasionally or can't get through your day without them. There's a great app you need to try. It's called Stitcher stitcher is a free APP for. android that's really easy to use from classic favorites, too new hit shows from Oprah and Conan O'Brien as well as the best of true crime like cereal and my favorite murder stitcher is home to all your favorite podcasts visit stitcher dot com to download stitcher for free today. Anyhow back. Feed. POTTY Hey guys and welcome to yet another blissful installment of your favorite podcast in bed with Nick and Megan starring the immortal Nick Offerman Oh featuring me his lowly wife. And today guest starring the extra super duper special. Magnificent Dare I. Say Mr Conan O'Brien. Guys. Hello. Right yeah, we're going to get sued. We didn't sing enough of it to have to pay for it. Guys Hey so nice to spend this time with you. And it really is to be. Ever spent with you has been I know we've spent. I'M GONNA explain to the people listening. That we're friends in real life, and now we are good chumps so once the funnest thing you've done since being. quarantined. I'm going to say the most fun I've had is I made it a mission to screen, really funny movies. For my children who are teenagers now there are sixteen and fourteen and I wanted them to snow and experience the movies. That I loved that made my dad laugh when I was a kid so I've been putting them through all of the Peter sellars clue so movies would a blast. Yeah, and we watch the producers the original producers. with zero mostel. And they, of course when watching the producers saw decided on. And they were howling at Dick Shawn. WHO's of course genius funny in that movie and then I said Oh. You think he's funny in this movie. Where do you see him in? It's a madman world so a show that to them. Last night, and they were howling at that movie, and I kept saying Oh see that guy. That's that's Phil Silvers. He was like the funniest guy ever. Oh wait. There's Jonathan winters you understand. He's the funniest guy ever. Oh, wait, there's an you know it just there's Buddy Hackett there's I mean. Everyone's in that movie so I wouldn't say. Yeah talk about you. Know a silver lining to what's happening now this business of saying yes, there's a lot of a lot of anxiety out there, and there's a and and there's a lot of a lot of worried about the economy and people. We know who who work in businesses that have been shut down, so there's a lot, but whenever you can find a moment where you can say okay. Well at the very least I want my kids to think back on this and have some positive association witches. They laughed a lot. And their dad kept saying. Wait till you see this next part. Oh, that sounds like a wonderful film. Yeah it really is. Do you guys do does lies at? Do you do anything like? I don't have you pegged as the meditation type, but do you do that at all? I'M GONNA say neither one of US does I'm certainly is, it doesn't do it. I've tried to meditate. And I know I could try a lot harder. But I can't do it and I shouldn't say that. That's really negative. I know a lot of people right now are saying he mean, and you can't see. Can't you can in? But I don't want Tommy Chong up in my business I don't know why he suddenly. Him On the Pike, I know, but clearly nick did. He said. We need some time Chong in your he men. But. I have been unable to do it thus far in my life, and there's always tomorrow. Oh as they so that's a thing you say to well. Guess what? No, it's not happening. It's not happening spiral it's. Guys Meditate because I do my my brain is a hoppy towed on a skillet and I try really hard to bring it down, but I can't do it and I've even gotten the APPS I. Think I've downloaded like four APS by this point that are supposed to make it really easy for me, but don't even have the patience to load the APP. Download it to play it so. I think I might be a loss caused, but you do it. Megan I do. I've done I've meditated off and on over the years, but I'm I'm in an on period, and I was in that period before this whole. Virus. You're good at it well, if anybody's good at it, but I I like it see. Isn't that interesting I said you're good at it right because I would immediately go to I. WanNa do this but I want to be good at it which force then Tommy Chang would say he in. New Good at it. Just you there and then you already there. You were when you started me. I don't know why you invited Tommy Chong. This is a disaster. Incidentally, it really is embarrassing. It's the least i. don't think you can be good at it. I think that's a contradiction in terms Xing. But. What about Now? You say that you could do it, but then you've got old. Steak and beans. You know a man of the people tumbleweeds, own tumbleweeds, beans, offerman, yeah, old steak and peens offerman. You know. He didn't grow up meditating out there in the in the state. Can Bean Farm. You weren't doing that? No, I think my life. I think I have sort of a meditative disposition. Already enlightened, he just doesn't eat anything he so enlightened. He doesn't even know he's enlightened. That's the problem I just always chewing my cud placid. You know I will say that when I just listened to Nick Talk, it does put me into sort of a meditative calm because you do have that like. Oh. We'll be well in the republic. I will now go and make a canoe out of Mahogany. I intentionally chose a would. You'd never use nick for you. That was a woodworking joke. You know who would use Mahogany. Does just sort of. He's got all the simple truths. They're just in nature to him more or less, who might be like flailing on one or two, but for the most part. He's really got it together and so he doesn't need to do things like meditate. That's good. Maybe we're not meant to. Maybe we're all supposed to be in that state already, but we're such a neurotic culture. Well, wait a minute now. Now you know what you do Conan. That's very meditative. Is You play music and you're quite a good musician well. That's very kind of you to say I. It's true I will say the most meditative thing. I do is mess around with guitar because it turns off my brain in a way that's soothing and There's a lot of muscle memory that takes over when you're doing scales something on a guitar. Or trying to play a certain song and Yeah, there is no. especially when no one's around there's there's no performance aspect to it, so yeah, I think that's. A very common thing I also love reading like. I think the only way I can go to sleep at night. Is I need to be Anita Book I? Don't just lie down and say well time to sleep. I love to read and readings the way that. I'm letting someone else's brain takeover. My brain that make sense. And you like to read history, right? That's yeah, I. I read dense books There's a great picture. This, is before I knew my wife years before I was on vacation with a girlfriend, and we were on a beach and she took a picture. She's taking pictures of vacation. And then later on the picture surfaced. You know when we're just looking around at pictures and it just it made all my friends Howl, 'cause it's me on some really Nice Beach in the Caribbean sitting in a chair underneath an umbrella and I'm reading. Williams shires the rise and fall of the Third Reich. And it's a massive book. It's like the size of a phone book, and if anyone's ever seen the cover of that book, it's black and it has a giant black swastika on it. And I'm. Reading them out. On this beautiful like I can just hear someone playing the. Were those that that kettle drum. They're playing a kettle drum. There's the smell of rum in the background and crashing surf and reading about the tank battle of Kursk and how the the Russians are just you know really kicking the crap out of the Germans and getting really down into the weeds. Fun Yes a lot of fun. You said something telling when about when you're when you play music that It was kind of like a simpsons joke where you said No. No I don't I don't like to meditate, but when I play music My brain shuts off in a way I find soothing. I believe is exactly correct me if I'm wrong, my lady, but isn't that what meditation is hoping to achieve? Yes, and that's my I introduced the entire subject him playing music as it being. You just made a fool out of me. You, what are you Perry Mason now? I know! that. We were all here relaxed laying in bed, and then all of a sudden you come at me, and expose my flaws as a human being my misstatements. You have no real flaws. kind of everybody knows that. Many I could I steal I? I go into stores and take things that don't pay for them. How like what Oh one of my favorite things to do i? I like to take when I like to go to a bowling alley and borrow the shoes and wear them out and. When you steal bowling shoes, you do also do leave the shoes, you Warren, or do you carry them out as well? I don't want the bowling alley to profit in any way so i. throw my shoes out. Oh well one time. I think you tell me you actually burned your own shoes in the men's room, but for you left. Yes, I. Did tell you that I send retrieve them from. The was between US Megan but I. Realize. That's the message. I want to get out there. a key. Occasionally. I don't know if you've ever had this happen to you, but you'll say something joking, unclearly joking, and then a longtime later, one of the cookie or tabloids will have like a little blurb, and it will say Conan O'Brien steals bowling shoes, you know the cowardly late night quipped stor, and I'll tell you an exact I'll tell you. An exact real example of this is will Ferrell was on my show once a couple of years ago, and he did this great bit where he came out, and he had a Cockatoo on his shoulder, and the whole thing was, he didn't WanNa. Talk about the cockatoos, so if I ever started to bring it up, he would say we're not talking about the Cockatoo, that's not, that's not. Not Open for discussion and then he would go on and try and have a normal segment while the COCKATOO. So that's just an obviously. If you watch that, it's obviously just a funny bit will Ferrell with a Cockatoo Wanna shoulder, and he keeps getting really mad at me whenever I say I got I mentioned. It's now nibbling at your ear like Conan. We talked about this and so. FLASH FORWARD ABOUT THREE YEARS and there's a thing in the tabloids, and it's about how will ferrell is a is secretly an insane person who? Has Gone Nutty for birds, and always has one on his shoulder and it just. Still from my Joe I I. Really the person writing it new, they just needed to fill a page, so the article is so great because it's all up. It's all about how he's gone mad and. Sometimes, we've run into tabloid headlines where it seems like those quote. UNQUOTE writers those journalists. MUST have like three spinning game show wheels and throw a dart at them and say okay Conan O'Brien. DART. Fills his lips dr up with Gatorade yes. Yes, go. True Yeah and in that case Megan's right. They just happen to accidentally. Get it right, everyone snow, I think. And while. A room full of of typing monkeys will will write fellow That's such a gross profession the. It's so gross like you know what they're doing right now, is they're? They're sending people out? Which is illegal? Actually 'cause where under. California's under lockdown, but they're sending people out to fancy neighborhoods to try to find celebrities who are going out for walks, but aren't they? Let you're allowed to go for a why sure, but they're sending photographers out brought out to take pictures of the laboratories who're just trying to get out of the House for a minute and go for a walk I. think that's. Pretty good I will tell you as a matter of fact. I've gone out. Once for a wants to walk my dog, and and once to. Twice to ride my bike and both times there were like guys in cars taking pictures of me, and I mention this only because I'm someone. They never want a picture of like. This is just telling you. This is a sign you know when there's no water, the hills that's when the coyotes come out, and they come down into the streets and start eating. That is when I notice like if they're taking pictures of me because I am most boring white Conan O'Brien on a bike and Wow, what are you getting for that picture? You know what I mean. I'm not a naked Megan. Markle on a UNICYCLE is. I don't even think they would get money for that photo. Yeah, it's We're the same like. They don't care about US 'cause. We're boring, but. Means, we're living right. Yeah, it's the the secret I think, too. Is just live a life? I think I have the same wife as someone who is doing moderately well and insurance. Spent Like I do my job, and then I come home and I hang with my kids, and then like okay. This guy's fun to hell with them and say you done your show for four thousand years. We we started the show so shortly before movable type was invented. Are there any people will I already know the answer to this sort of but how how many people have been on your show from the beginning besides you and andy well Andy Richter? While he took any Richard he left the show for a while for quite a while and then back, but I would say yes. There's a there's a core group. Of People that started with me in nineteen ninety-three. They're still that are still with me. which is really mind boggling, so my producer Jeff Ross my head Booker Polit Davis. Gina Batista. my stage manager Steve That's incredible. Yeah, and there's a there's a bunch actually. Frank Smiley who I'm sure has produced segments for both of you. and you know what's really sweet is we have a couple of interns who started like second year? Who Work Their way up, and now they're stalwart like Shami Sarah Federal. Vich mean people that really are the heart and soul of the show who were interns in ninety, five, ninety six. Around there and this is Ben, their whole professional life, which is really amazing, I mean I'm very lucky that way. That's so cool. What's been the best part of doing not show I? Think I think you guys could relate to this to have your profession be. Something that you would want to do anyway if you weren't getting paid. Is a magical thing that I never take for granted, and I think left to my own devices I would be trying to think of silly things and trying to make my friends laugh and I would gravitate towards other people who had a similar sense of humor, and would be doing silly things, and then we'd get back to work, so the idea that that is my work is. Insanely magical and something that. Is. Proof to me that okay, maybe in a previous life I I did something heroic and so I'm being rewarded their ward in this life. Is You know that thing you love to do that? You would do for free. That's your job and. That's that's pretty sweet. Really. Yes, yeah, it's kind of as you know. There are people in this business who are. The complete. opposite. Of who you think they are, they might be really fun and funny. On Camera, but when you're hanging out with them, there may be shy or neurotic or nervous and I'm not saying anything negative about them. It's just that they're they're performing. Self is like a different person and I always. I. Think something that the three of us have in common. Is. Aside from our insatiable sexual appetites. The thing that we have in common is you guys are who? You appear to be. You're really witty and funny and fun to hang out with when there's nobody around, it's just us and those are the people. I sort of gravitate to in this business are people who you know and Martin Short. Obviously is like that. There's so many people like that who you go and meet with them in. Yes, you can have a serious conversation, but they can also have you crying. Have you laughing so hard? That's I. Don't know that's sort of meet when you're I. Think we're very lucky to to get to live in that. World Yeah, I agree I mean I. Think I think we've had a conversation akin to this at some point over the. Many donors. We've shared, but. It is very. It's so lucky and. You always hear about. Holly Weird, and however B.'s crazy and so eccentric and weird, and it's just I think it's kind of. Like attracts like so if you're not like that then. It's quite possible to. Gather around you a big. Contingent of people are really cool, normal and just smart and funny and. I, think nick and I feel lucky in that regard and. UN and Liza related at the top of the list for us. Well I. I think great yeah. This ended this morning. The timing of this happened this morning run. We were very much in love and a committed couple until about four hours ago. So Yeah I don't even really know what we argued. It was something involving netflix queue and I just snapped. And said we're done, then tears it it. No I keep thinking that so many things in life or patterns in life were revealed in high school. So I know that for me high school was you show up I went to this big public high school. You show up. You don't know anybody, and then you know for it takes awhile. But over time you start to find your group, you know, and then by the time I got to junior year. I had like a pretty good little squad. It wasn't huge, but they were people that Kinda had my sense of humor who liked the things that I liked, and that's how I got through That's how I got through high school and I think that keeps happening in life. Then I went to college in the same thing happened. Then I got into show business, and the same thing happened like over time you find. It's like it's what you said like fines like we just find our people. That and occasionally I'll hear about some. Sort of insane gathering. Of. You know celebrities and I'll think yeah. I would never want that thing. I'm glad I wasn't there and not that it sounds bad. It just sounds like. Oh, no I I. my little group wouldn't be at that thing you know so. I'm talking about the Oscars. Yeah? That kind of stuff is nerve wracking, too many glittering celebrities in one place is. Really something I try to avoid. I don't know what to write I. Don't know what you guys. Put Down when you're landing in a foreign country and they want you to fill out that piece of paper. That has you know your? Your flight number and all that on it, but then it has a line for occupation, right? What are you right? It's a tricky one. Isn't that weird being? You Know My dad can say physician. My Mom could say lawyer. and my brothers could say lawyer and I for me. I always think the so many times I'll start to write like talk. Show host and I'll think I don't really think I am a talk, show host, and then occasionally I have started to write entertainer. You could say writer. That's true. That's true, but I always feel like that might be somehow deceptive like wait a minute. I've seen you. Somewhere, yes, it says here. You're a writer. I mean nobody's more recognizable than you I mean you're seven feet tall and you've got the here and. Eighty. Yeah I am the freckles the hair. Yeah I've had so line. Recognize me when I was behind like. Wearing a bicycle helmet in a car with tinted window, and people have said look. It's CONAN and tinted windows car. With a bicycle helmet? To tips for for this circumstance, but requires a growing a beard. Okay I could do that. If I am given the ample time or a beard. Beard I write as Occupation Messiah Fully believe it. Yeah. I think they have no right to question you again. That's a good one. And the other thing is. One time that I've had any trouble crossing. The borders of the country was in Lisbon. We were on vacation and Oh. We were shooting parks and recreation in London so I had to. Some sort of production schedule there is a bit of a spasm ahead get to London quickly and I had this unexpected had to pass through customs, and Lisbon and the Guy Stop me and was really given me the look over. And I was getting feeling pretty nervous because it usually doesn't happen to me. And he said he said in broken English. Seen on Conan O'Brien. No knew me from. Is it from CONAN. O'Brien bits. That's funny. That's funny. I'm going to start writing sex worker this good. Yeah, because then. I feel like they'll be embarrassed to question Montaigne. Need a little work. Yeah! Prove it that you are the sex worker. Thinks this that's. Yeah. I I'M GONNA. Start putting sex worker down just to see. What happens, and then I'll say how. They question me I can say what how do you think of fit? You'll pick a fifty six year old man that looks like me. Why that's offensive and I'll call my barrister which I've never said. Oh? I don't know I find that to be. Like when someone the Times that I've written down entertainer on a form I've thought. Well wait a minute. It comes and goes like. It's such. It's such sounds like such A. Phony thing to say I'm an entertainer. I can enter. Like a plumber knows how to fix the pipes, but in entertainer is occasionally entertaining in my opinion. Might not have to worry about that one for a little while, so we have a lot of time to think about it. Oh, that's a bummer now around the world. To Stop the laughter now some years ago. I wrote a book called Gumption and it profiled twenty one Americans men and women that I find inspiring and heroic. Sort of across history starting with Jerusalem as Conan to be one of the people well honey starting with Washington I didn't read it was Hanan with Conan O'Brien. Oh well, then maybe I should read. Donna, 'cause I love. Yeah, that was. That was an incredibly i. mean I almost didn't know how to respond because It was really lovely that you. You're very good writer and you. Have these great arguments for why these different people in history were jump Shen and then you included me, and I was Just, blown away by that, and and also like a little embarrassed. I couldn't be in the same book as George. Washington George Washington. Carver, yes, but. Not George Washington so I was I. my my intuition was proven sound because you. We had a wonderful funny and. Learning interview and conversation for for my chapter, and but but the thing is and the reason I loved having you as the final chapter in the book is. I asked you just a and this is you know when things were much more rosy in this country? I said you know? How do you feel about where we're going? You know we're both. Getting into a Jenner. That might be considered. You know the beginnings of Kerma, generally and the type that would shake our fist, and say these damn kids these days right and you answered with a wonderful sense of wisdom where you said you know if you just take a step back from history and look behind us. Anybody who says everything's going to Shit right now? Well, if you look back, it's always been shit and it's been even shittier. The farther you go back and I found that really inspiring and so you wouldn't think that would be inspiring, but. I do I wanted to ask you so then with that from that point of view. Given, you know the sort of mess that the world is in right now. Please cheer US up in a similar way. Well. I don't know if there's going to cheer people up, but I'm reading There's this series of books right now. About Thomas Cromwell. It's really famous of series of books and. I I've heard those are great. Oh, yeah, the first one is Wolf Hall an end They're gonNA listen to those on audible mom. Salts, they're really good. the worst ones will heart, and I rattle off the the author's name, but I'm you know so high right now. Mantle I think that's it. Yes, and so she's written these amazing books, but. So I'm reading the first one. Wolf Hall and just randomly. had this on my stack to read and I happen to be reading it starting at last week during this lockdown, and the book takes place in the fifteen hundreds and with Henry, the eighth and and Angolan, and all those characters, and it's based pretty much on history and. What happens when I'm reading the book? They keep having to send their children out of London. Because a sickness mysterious sweating sickness descends on London. You know in in fifteen thirty and they have to send the kids out and then one summer they decide. Oh let's not send them out and they lose. He loses his his daughters and his wife. And what you realize is that. All of mankind's history is the history of pandemics back and forth I mean this used to be. All the time and people didn't know what it was. You know what I mean, and so this is just just had a hundred year. Break from it I'm not saying that to cheer. Cheer People Up, but this is in a way. We got a little spoiled. I think that we got away from this and we got away from the idea that. AH. Virus can just show up and wreak havoc on our lives and kill a lot of people, and then compared to lots of things like this virus is terrible, and they think it has about a one percent mortality rate, and I think smallpox had thirty percent mortality rate, which we are advocated so there are many worse things to and so I don't know I think when you read. I think the point I was trying to make to you neck. Was it when you read a lot of history? And even if you've just gone and seen the play, people sometimes put our founding fathers on a platform and say the founding fathers. They were great and every politician since then has been shit. But one of the things. I thought was so great about the. Musical Hamilton is that. It showed you. Just how touch and go the whole thing was and how many flawed characters were, and it did it in such a beautiful way that you walked out of there. Thinking Oh my God, the founding fathers barely had it together. Do you know what I mean? So? We are where we've always been is may be my forget. You can't meditate. That might be my zen philosophy, which is We've always been struggling in the mud to to better ourselves and to hope that our you know our kids are a younger generation will have a better time than we did but. But who knows I think that's an generations have always thought that younger generations. Don't you know? Don't have the right values. Hi I'm Paul F Tompkins and I'm Nicole Parker, and we have a podcast. It's out right now. Called the neighborhood listen. That's right on the neighborhood. Listen, we take real posts from neighborhood networking websites and use them for hilarious character Improv and we have very special guests like Carl. Tart Tawny newsome Mary Holland Nicole. Bobby Moynihan Lauren lab and many many more new episodes. Every Tuesday listen on Apple, podcasts, stitcher, or wherever you listen to your pods. Listen this was an ad about it. So, not only are we all friends and double date friends I guess. The best way to describe it, but your wife and I share our day of Nativity isn't who I think that's weird. You think that's strange that you have the same birthday kind of. I don't. That's why I married her. Because she a lot like me well. Me When you met her. I knew of you okay well, then it all makes sense, Kunar my blue and I knew society. Part of which requires us to marry eleven twelve women. When I joined, I thought that was a sexy measurement and then. Wow. He's an eleven twelve. Oh. That's from the need to the calf eleven twelve. Remember those days there was a time. I think in the fifties. Was The nineteen fifties. We were if you would. If you watch a a sitcom or a Ram com from those stays, they would talk about women and be like. Yeah, she's She's a thirty two. What is it? Thirty four, twenty, four, thirty four, but yeah, and one of them was like twenty, four, thirty six. There's it's on Gilligan's island a lot. They're always. There like for example. Ginger will say something that professor will say something like why fifteen, thirty, five, sixty two or the exact coordinates for our position and Ginger will say the only coordinates. I know word. Twenty, four, thirty, six, twenty, four, whatever I and. That was a big joke at the time, which is knowing your measurements and guys knowing measurements and I've always thought. I just have that. Sort of like as a kid watching that and thinking I guess that's something I'll know about when I'm older and that just completely went away I have. Never been like wow, whatever I don't even know what. Best Waist and hips, so it would be like thirty, four, twenty, four, thirty four. So you have a you know an hour glass. Right like us. Our glosses over twenty, four small with those be aided by a corset to no, not those. Of course, it would be more like if you're waste. Were you know nineteen or something in Human Scott? True? Present! Amazing I put my move. ooh, hand around his waist. My thumb touched my fingertips. All the way around his waist is like a motorcycle hand grip called a wasp waist Napley. Yeah. He's and he's an incredible, just a shout. For what did he so lovely fellow Oh? Yeah, and his wife Naomi. They're. Two of the to the other super coolio couples I got to my family and I were seeing on a ski holiday over Christmas when we were invited to a small gathering. That Greg Daniels Of course, office and Parks and REC guy, he was throwing a party and we went over, and it really was just Craig's Family Ataman his wife and my my crew. So I got to hang out with him, and he was, he was just great. Just ask them really funny God. That's I next triple date. That's going to be axed. Triple W. Nice, triple date and I remember about that gathering is that Greg always likes to get creative. He doesn't WanNa just put out. The same fair that another person would put out. He wants something the creative, so he said I'm going to serve mulled wine. And so he he took about like two bottles of red wine and cook them on a stove, and I think maybe put some cinnamon in there or something. Served it like we were Vikings and. Hate I didn't hate it, but I also would have been. Fine with a glass of. Mulled wine yea. Mold wine what he did. I'm not sure I. Think he made some kind of Viking medicine. Humidity warmed wine. He made way. To issue a formal apology on the podcast for the last time you guys came over for dinner and we ordered food from that place and it was. Ice Cold and we for some reason didn't feel it was necessary to warm it up and. That was. Not Cool so I really feel it was day, government, really fancy pizza place. Come on, and we ordered not only pizza, but everything else on the menu, and it was all cold and gross, and you guys state and pretend eight at and pretended like it was fine well. Here's the part where I have to admit that the the way I grew up. We, ate everything. I'm one of six kids and we were just you know. They would when when we would eat. When we were kids, they would throw food into the room and it was literally like dogs attacking. So. So I was perfectly fine. We will at least apologize to Liza because he probably cares, but she men of US do. She. Liza would understand that are comportment as host hostess. Like A. Classy person or just? Broad Idiot, but it's a testament to I. Think to the the comfort of our friendship that we were having such a good time that it didn't matter we weren't. It didn't matter for the. Splendid I just felt bad, though because. We invite you guys over for dinner and it was so bad. We you know are on the books for a properly crafted offerman meal Nixon and and I'll try to set the record straight. Yeah, that'd be nice. Now. I'm regretting that I didn't lose my shit when Lucinda valor remember. We had a really good time and we talked I think for quite a long time, and it was really great. I have fond memories of that evening but I hate to miss an opportunity to lose my shit you. Matt's you could've. You could've excuse yourself from the table for too long and either pretending to have been sick. You could have pretend to have been weeping. You could have done a lot of you. Know what I think the way the handle it would have been. We get our Pete's fees slice of Pizza. We sit down I bite into mine. I think right around the same second that you guys notice. It's a little cold this pizza, but what's forge ahead I take one bite. I remove the pizza without. Really chewing it. Would it town excuse myself when I leave the room. I'm gone for a while, and then lies is phone. And Wisest says I have to go. And you look out and you see that I'm sitting in the passenger seat of our car a pass. Through passing and it's trying. It's running and she just says. Very nervous and upset and gets in the car and I never we never talk about it. That's what I should have done. We'll be somebody beer. Offense. Good. Of you having to depart, you actually do have to flee because you're working on. We're still making Lake a bunch of the hosts were making shows during this time, and so make them from home, using an iphone or zoom technology, and I've been doing some zoom interviews. With people and I'm going to. Do One with Mr Nick Kroll Of of Nick Kroll. Fame the at beautiful. The, pounding beautiful, Nick Kroll so. Talking to him and also I think I'll just steal the audio from this. And have an artist. Do renderings of you guys will just put that on the show as well? And, this will be nice, and and against all etiquette. This will air before you get a chance to air this. As your podcast and then the why? Now. Exactly and your podcast is. Off The charts, years been were lovely. You were one of the first people to do it. You came in, and did it and people love that episode. It got very, it was it was great confessional about your erotic adventures had much more illustrious guests on the podcast since. Since we were. I don't think that's true weird. Waters. Thanks for doing this cone. Are you kidding? Yeah, you're. You're two of my favorite people and I really love talking to you and you have You just have such lovely spirits and such you're. You're just a joy to hang out with so this was just an opportunity much like my career. Do what I'd be doing any way or what I hope to be doing, which is hanging out with you guys, so thank you. Are Nothing short of idolized in our household, so we love you. We Love Liza tell her high. If I sent you a painting of me. Would you a large one? Would you hang it? Of course? No, it's really been not. We. West read. Trian. Writing Crosswtalk sidesaddle. Yeah, I'm sidesaddle. Berries, I would. Covering a very short skirt. Short kilt well, this was lovely I. Really liked talking with you. Guys, thank you for having me. Let's do it again. Okay? Thanks for listening everybody and other. Installment of your favorite podcast in bed with Nick and Megan. Tonight. In bed with Nick and Megan is an ear wool production. It's produced by Megan Malala Kevin Bartelt Michael. Injury Executive produced by Collin Anderson and krispy music by Nancy and Beth, which can be found at www dot needs in bed, dot com. If you enjoyed in bed with sneaking Meghan make sure to rate and review the show on parts.

Mr Conan O'Brien Mr Nick Kroll Megan US Steve That London Paul F Tompkins writer Nicole Parker Tommy Chong Liza Meghan Megan I Peter sellars Dick Shawn Phil Silvers Buddy Hackett Jonathan winters COCKATOO laver
Conan O'Brien

Fresh Air

50:16 min | 5 months ago

Conan O'Brien

"This message comes from. Npr sponsor bank of america with the bank of america cash rewards credit card. You can choose to earn three percent cashback on online shopping. The essentials have never felt more rewarding visit bank of america dot com slash more rewarding to apply now copyright twenty twenty bank of america corporation. Hi it's terry gross and before we start today show i just want say oh what a year this may sound corny but i try to counteract the covert anxiety and uncertainty by thinking of things. I'm grateful for. I'm grateful that we can keep producing our show. Even if most of us on our team including me are working from home and grateful for the technology that allows me to connect him. I guess even though they're at home too. I'm grateful to you for listening and ungrateful to everyone who supported over the years. It's been a rough year from most everyone financially. But if you are in a position where you can't afford to donate to public radio. We'd be super grateful for that. The best way to support the public radio podcasts programs. You enjoy is to donate to your local public radio station by visiting donate that. Npr dot org slash fresh air. Your donation will be sent to your local station. That's donate that. Npr dot org slash. Fresh air i wish you and your loved ones good health and at twenty twenty one. That's better than twenty twenty and now onto today's show from whyy in philadelphia. I'm terry gross with fresh air. Happy thanksgiving today. We have conan o'brien last week. He announced will end his. Tbs late night show in june. He's had an unusual career of highs and lows. He was an unknown when we started hosting. Nbc's late night who was ridiculed but he held on inherited the tonight show and lost it. When jay leno return just listening to you. Summarize it right now south. I went through seven episodes of ptsd listening to us. Just listening to the summary. I'm just. I'm completely drenched in sweat right now and in need of medication. We'll talk about how. His comedy has been driven by anxiety and persuade him to pick up his guitar and sings later. Kevin whitehead reviews newly released. Nineteen sixty seven. Sonny rollins reporting support for this podcast comes from the neubauer. Family foundation supporting. Whyy's fresh air and its commitment to sharing ideas and encouraging meaningful conversation. This is fresh air. I'm terry gross. I hope you're enjoying your thanksgiving. We're going to spend our fresh air thanksgiving in the very good company of conan o'brien last week he announced he'll be ending his late night. Show in june after twenty eight years of hosting daily late night shows the last ten years his show was on. Tbs one of his new projects will be hosting a weekly variety. Show on hbo max. Conan o'brien will continue to run his multimedia company team coco. Cornyn started his career as a comedy writer for the simpsons and saturday night live when he first started hosting. Nbc's late night. With conan o'brien in the spot. That had been david letterman's. He was an unknown as a performer. A lot of people thought he wouldn't make it but he's hosted late night shows longer than anyone. His career has taken some surprising twists and turns which we talked about when we recorded this interview last year in october. He was making changes then to season two of his podcast. Conan o'brien needs. A friend was about to start. Who was cutting back his hour long late night. Show to a half hour and his production company. Team coco was launching. New projects conan. O'brien welcome back to fresh air. It's been a long time and it's a great pleasure to have you back. You're kind of shaking things up in your life. I mean you've changed your our. Tbs tv show into a half hour and y- all these new podcast ventures and doing stand up comedy and now you have this series of performances clubs around the country kind of Produced by team coco So what's going on in your life that made you want to make all these changes. I'm having a nervous breakdown. I know it. I knew if i asked yeah strange. Deep answer's yes. Yes it's the larry. King method larry king used. I famously said once. I don't i don't prepare for interviews. I just say ask whatever pops into my head. That's my technique. And i said that's not a technique that's just that's just not preparing larry. That's my technique. Is i just get up and eat a giant ham sandwich. And then i go in and i say whatever happens and then that's that's my magic But you know i. I decided a little while ago. I've loved my career. I've been very lucky. I hard pressed to think of something i wanted. I didn't get to do and so you know what. I'm very lucky in my personal life. I married the right person. I have great kids so at a certain point you say why not. There's so much. Fear and intensity in my teens twenties thirties into the forties it was so much intensity and Iron will and i will work really hard. And i must just has to be fantastic and this has to be great and this needs to be better that i think something happens Son you know a a doctor would say oh. Yeah your testosterone dropping. You're getting older. They they would. They would have some chemical reason and it might be right. I don't think i ever had a lot of testosterone. And what i've had is probably been cutting off I'm now i think genetically now. I'm a belgian woman but I often give people stopping me on the street and saying you are a very attractive clearly from the netherlands and you're very tall and I thank them and we meet for coffee And then i move on. But i guess i got to a phase where i thought i don't what i don't want to do is sleep. Walk my way through my career at this stage. I think it'd be very easy to okay. Got this down. I can do this for bunge murs. And then you know sort of fade off into the sunlight and five. That's or does another way to go which is scare yourself and try to be rather than be intimidated and afraid as a lot of middle. Aged people are by everything. It's changing. Choose to be excited by it. You know maybe some later career kookiness doesn't make any difference. You know people don't like it. They don't like it. Do you think the things that you find funny or the comedy that you undo has been changing as you get older. Yeah probably what. I don't think the things that i find funny have changed. I still find the same things. Funny and i really love the silly and i the silliness And the absurdity that i can find In in everyday life. I think as time goes on. I've become much more interested in things that My interest in what we call evergreen comedy comedy that Think of a warner brothers cartoon you can watch it today and it was. Maybe it was made in nineteen. Forty eight You know whether. It's bugs. Bunny or a coyote road runner. You're watching one in. It's just as the timing and the simplicity of the ideas but the beauty of the execution. It's all as funny today as it was when it was shown in their theater in nineteen forty eight and i like comedy that is about me as a person who's somewhat ridiculous going through life and whether it it's chaplinesque or jacques tati or it's just it's it's about a person encountering being embarrassed or humiliated or being You know going through life and And sort of like buster. Keaton or any of those great people i. i'm. I'm not playing at their level. But i that is my approach to comedy is to try and find connections and things that other people can relate to and those are the things some of these remote remotes that have shot over the years or my probably my favorite medium and olive comedy is. I have this You know hundreds and hundreds of these remotes shot and some of them. I think i really managed to make something that might be a little bit timeless. That's the stuff i'm in love with. Some are the jokes that you feel like you can't tell any more In this era of heightened fairness and the metoo movement like one of the things you always used to do is like your bar. Bob hope growl at at attractive women. I mean yeah. I mean you know. What a joke. Can you do that anymore. Yes well first of all. I always molested myself. Yes so the other thing is the growl you know i i would When when women would come on it was this cartoony bob. Hope thing of i call. And i don't know if anybody has ever seen it as sexual Because i don't know that. I come across as being really bluntly honest As that sexual and so I don't know that. I do the growl as much anymore. But i find that the response is usually women laughing at me because it is such a caricature of a guy a cartoonish non-sexual person Attempting you know this this crazy. What sort of nineteen fifties or nineteen forties. A tiger growl so yeah. I don't know that that is the tiger growls. I don't know if that's verboten in. Because i don't know that anyone takes it seriously nor should they agree. Hate to lose a completely right right. You've had the strangest career of all. The late night hosts you'd been more of a writer than performer. When you got your twelve thirty late night show on nbc coming on right after the tonight show. No one knew who you were and it took a while for you to catch on. When leno left the tonight show you replaced him. Leno got a ten o'clock show. Didn't do well. He wanted to go back to the eleven. Thirty spot and nbc. Let him do it so before your year was up. You are out of the eleven thirty spot. They offered you a spot at twelve. Oh five to do the tonight show and basic said that's ridiculous and you left and you know a few months later started your show on. Tbs your career as had the strange max of like complete stardom and rejection mixed in and I just think psychologically that must really be like a rollercoaster Yeah that was first of all just listening to you. Summarize it right now. I went through seven episodes of ptsd. Listening just listening to the summary of what. I already know happen. I'm just i'm completely drenched. I'm drenched in sweat right now in need of medication which i'm taking here we go and done Yeah it's I have to say. I agree with you. It has been Say what you want about my career you can someone can like me. They can despise me They can completely not care. Be completely neutral about me but everyone would have to agree that it's a really unusual career just completely unprecedented. I mean the way that i got onto the late night show was absurd which was basically they lorne. Michaels took a complete hamry. Pass and said i know this writer and He has very little performing experience. Besides some improv. But i think he could be good. And i went to an audition and because i had no chance was completely relaxed in the audition and did really well and then. Nbc said will. We have no other choice because this is pre mean. It wouldn't happen today today. If there was a a major late night spot open. There would be six hundred candidates from six hundred different cable shows so the hallway. I got the show as absurd hanging onto it for the first year year and a half two years when i think i was actually cancelled at one point in a meeting and then shortly after the meeting ended. They said well. We can't cancel them yet because we don't have as replacement quite ready to go so it's un- cancelling than cancel him at the next meeting and then they just didn't get around to it so I was supposed to die about six different times and just didn't through some. I don't know what else to call it other than dumb luck. And then yeah you push forward through all these years of success to. It's like being on a college professor. You're getting ten year. You're going to get the tonight show and people don't they. Don't try you out at the tonight. Show they give it to you and then Then they take it away my predecessor. It had yeah. And then my you know my predecessor had had some difficult times It all worked out so The feeling was at that point. I'd been on the air for sixteen years and will this should be okay and then It was As he said it was just as crazy set of circumstances and that was traumatic. And i did a tour which was very therapeutic. I went out on the road. And i did comedy and some music and it was just a big variety show and we had a lot of insanely Huge guest stars come out in support. Was it helpful to you to have audiences who were incredibly enthusiastic about seeing you at the time. When you've been rejected from nbc. Yeah oh it was huge. It was Therapeutic and satisfying to you know all i ever wanted to do is make people laugh. I know that sounds corny. The motivator to me is. I really do love getting in front of people and making them happy making them laugh. And so getting to do that on a national tour and really delighting these crowds. That was great. I think the trouble for me came after that to her because i think emotionally crashed. You know that the tour at psychic probably typically irish response. But you'll do the irish. A lot of times will do anything to avoid feeling pain. So i think it was very obviously very painful to have to give up the tonight show and so what i did was i avoided that pain by doing this tour where i probably burned three thousand calories a night Would sweat through my clothes Really give everything i have. Then go out and take selfies with a thousand people then sleep for a couple of hours but then not be able to sleep on the bus or on the plane and just I think when that tour was over. I was skeletal and then i was faced with. We gotta start over again. Build a new show and i think that was the painful part. That was the part that took a good two years to to work through. What helped you through it Well i i like being honest about this for other people out there I had always done some therapy but went to a got a lot of therapy and i got them help with medication and that helped a lot and then it also helped to laugh that earlier. The smartest thing i ever did in my life was was married. My wife in two thousand two. So it's been seventeen years and she's just a great partner and very emotionally intelligent and by best friend and so she helped me through this and you have kids too. I mean i have two children so That puts things in perspective so all. Those things helped me enormously. And i've since become a big advocate for people who are if they're going through something and they're having a hard time talking to somebody and getting some professional help. I remember when i was a guest on your night. show on. nbc back in. I think two thousand four. When the show is i was like the last gas and when the show is over. And you're leaving the set new. You were very generous with your time. You spend a few minutes talking with me. And i introduced my husband to you. He's a big fan and And you said you said well now that the show is over. I can go back to being depressed and it was really funny but at the same time i thought i better some truth to that once you leave the stage like depression takes over. Yeah you know it's funny Everyone has a different. I used to think i'm not depressed. I'm just anxious. And i didn't understand but i've always been i've as anxious as a little kid. I think i started having real bouts of strong anxiety around. Its in fourth grade. I remember fourth fifth. Sixth seventh through high school and i was Just had a lot of anxiety and anxiety in the night and getting up and and not understanding what it was. And so i remember. There was a period of my life in my forties when people were saying. Maybe you're depressed. And i would be irritated i would. I'm not depressed. i eighty but i'm not depressed. And then of course when i finally And got some help You know at this sort of big chaotic time in my life. One of the first things that the doctor said to me was. I said i'm not depressed. I'm just having anxiety. And they said you know yeah. Anxiety is a chronic anxiety is a. It's subset or form of depression. It's a mode you know. And so i think Because i was able to function so well i can always work. I can always get up and do it has to be done And i just thought. Well i'm not depressed and i had read accounts of people with real depression. Who can't get out of bed. And i said that's never been me and so i'm not that so i don't have depression but i realized that anxiety is a form. It's certainly something they can get in the way of your life and yeah i did go down. It's sort of a classic trope. But i think there's a lot of truth to it which is when your performer when you're onstage. There's no thinking you just have to act you. There's no time to thank you. Just do and so for that time that you're in front of people in a weird crazy way you'd think that the anxiety would be at its peak and it's not everything goes away because there's no time you're just in front of them and you just react and you completely rely on your muscle memory and your inner clown. That's been there since you were born and you just go and it's very liberating it's really freeing. The problem is when it's over and you need to negotiate. Then you've to start thinking again about what what's tomorrow and what are we going to do. And then it's back in your brain you know. It's it's it's not you just sort of reacting out of your diaphragm or your soul or whatever you're back in your brain and that's where the problems start so when i say it's time to be depressed again after show. It's much better now. Me now i go home and i see my wife and kids and deal with whatever they're dealing with and so it's different you know it's. It's not the way it used to be. I used to go home. And brood about. What am i going to do next and what's tomorrow. And how was that show and if it was a good show. Can we replicate it tomorrow if it was a bad show. Oh my god how are we gonna make up for that. What will people think. There's less of that now. So it's it's it was a joke but it wasn't a joke. We're listening to the interview. I recorded last year with conan o'brien. We'll hear more after we take a short break and jazz credit. Kevin whitehead will reviews sonny rollins studio and live recordings from nineteen sixty seven that have just been released for the first time. I'm terry gross and this is fresh air. this message comes from. Npr sponsor capital one. Welcome to banking reimagined capital. One checking and savings accounts have no fees or minimums and a top rated banking app. That lets you manage your money anytime anywhere. Check on the account. Balance deposit checks pay bills and transfer money on the go. This is banking reimagined. What's in your wallet. Capital one member. Fdic let's get back to my interview with conan o'brien which we recorded in october twenty nineteen last week. He announced that he's going to end as late night. Tbs show in june after twenty eight years of hosting late night shows which is longer than anyone sometime after that whole host a new weekly variety. Show on hbo. Max when we left off we were talking about dealing with depression. He said he'd been feeling better and wasn't brooding so much about the show when he goes home. Do you think some of that is just kind of getting older and and just having more perspective definitely. I definitely think I think getting old has a gets a bad rap Well you're not old. You're so far. i'm well. I'm older than i was. But it's all relative if you asked to nineteen year old youtuber. They would probably say Conan o'brien didn't he fight in the civil war in probably the oldest person they can imagine But you know it's all relative buy yes. I completely understand. I've been lucky. And i've been healthy and i move around a lot and and i pretty much feel the way i did when i was in my twenties. So i'm very lucky that way but i have found when when people get rhapsodic about their childhood and say My boyhood nothing will ever be as good as that. I don't understand what they're talking about. Because i found youth to be very scary and intimidating. And i put a lot of pressure on myself and i had big expectations and i didn't know if it was going to work out. It wasn't bad it wasn't traumatic. It was just. I find that as i get older. My perspective has changed. And i can sort of see the importance of the real things and the unimportance of the silly things so your father is an infectious disease expert specialists and your mother until she retired was a partner in a law firm. So growing up with that. It's all about consequences. Let germs that can kill you and your mother like you if you do the wrong thing. I don't know what kind of law she practiced. But if you do the wrong thing you can be sued. You can go to prison also. Did you grow up with the sense that like everything has like life changing consequences. While i think i will simplify it for you And that's a that's sort of A very interesting Psychological tax took with like my dad's work and my mom's work and that deserves further ration-. But i can simplify simplify it for you. My parents are very catholic and So yes you grow up with a very strong sense of consequences you know and And also they I grew up in you. Look at my family. And there's a there's an immigrant an irish immigrant and it doesn't matter where you're from generation is trying to better their circumstances from the previous generations and raising the bar for the next generation and then of course i was a workaholic as a kid and very serious people have a hard time selling that i was not some just naturally brilliant guy. I had to work. I was not good at math and science. I made myself like just made myself. If i had to memorize textbooks. I would memorize them because my goal was. I don't know what i'm going to do in this world. But i need to get into a good college and i did do once i get to harvard a hey join the the the comedy magazine. Just as a lark and the next thing you know. That's all i care about. So i think in my career. There's a sense of weight. Generation after generation has been pushing the puzzle. Piece slowly forward. And taking all of this and gambling it on being a professional goofball. Talk about consequences You know to my parents credit. They really did imbue in. All of us have really powerful moral code and So we've had that since we were kids to and Those can feel like big consequences cellphone assessment self punishment. I sometimes think there's a sense of Like if you punish yourself. And if you're penitent. In some way that it will avoid a harsher externally given punishment like. I know i did wrong. I've punish myself so you don't have to do anything i've taken care of it. It's almost like preempt of punishment but it's could be like so damaging while the other way just as you were describing that it's where self deprecating humor comes from and rife right. That's my meal you is self deprecating humor. But i'll make fun of myself before. Terry gross can because you're known to rip people. I now i know rule rickles. You're the rickles of airways but When i did my first late night show ever all the press had been about. Can he replace letterman. And how can he and letterman's the best of and Letterman was wronged. And this is the idiot that nbc came up with to cover up their mistake. And it's the worst. And that was sort of the story. I remember at the time. Some people at nbc saint. Just don't mention the letterman thing when you go on the air and i thought well that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard of. So we wrote. I had an idea. And we wrote this cold opening which was way waking up in the morning. And i turn on the tv. And it's two people from entertainment tonight. Reporters saying ken be as good as letterman. This is the big day kenny. Do it and me smiling like an idiot A grinning confident idiot and then marching down the street to rockefeller center. And everyone i encounter says better be as good as letterman and every single down and it gets more and more absurd until horse goes better. Be as good as letterman and I'm smiling and smiling and smiling. And then i finally Get to my dressing room. And i go in and i'm whistling happily getting ready to do the show and i make a noose. Put my ad in it and justice. I'm about to hang myself. There's a knock on the door and they say conan it's time now. The people at nbc were appalled. They're like you can't do this. And i'm like no no no. This is exactly what we have to do. We have to go right at it and it turned out people to this day. Tell me they that was the first time ever saw me and they really loved that and that is very me. Which is i'm going to mock myself before you can and it's tricky because you can overdo it and it's all you know it's preemptive and that's exactly what you're saying which is self flagellation and punishing yourself Is away ultimately of being in control. Because if i hurt myself than. I've handled the punishment. No one else has to and you can get as we know it can turn into an sem fast can also As we all know but it can You know what i'm talking about anyway. it but it's very much it's all about control and and comedians are the ultimate control freaks. So we're trying to control how you feel about us at any given moment. So yeah it's i will find this all ridiculous before you can find me ridiculous so we were talking about self punishment. What were you actually punished for. When you were young the thing. I remember most clearly is. I think i'm the last person who's lease of my generation. But maybe i don't think there's anyone after me. Whoever had their mouth washed out with soap. You really did that. I really had it I did. I had my mouth washed out with a bar of dial soap And i hope this becomes a plug for dial but it was not my parents. My parents are away and they add Someone who. I remember very clearly. She was from prince edward island and she was older and think came from this sort of different culture and so she had like this nineteen thirties mentality towards discipline. And i don't even think anything that bad. But i don't think i swear works. I never swore when i was a kid. I think i probably just was a little bit of a wise guy on remembered. She took me to the second floor of our house. And there's this old marble sink and she took out a bar of dial soap and made me run it back and forth. My mouth remembered that soap cakes on top of your tooth. That's what i remember really clearly. And i've since told people yeah i remember the time i got my mouth washed out with soap. And they say to me. Did you grow up in like nineteen ten that happen and it was a total anomaly but I know. I think we would get in trouble if we you know mouthed off for were disrespectful to my mom you'd get sent to your room. Nothing you know there were. No beatings. Probably should have been. I'd be a better person today. Had i been beaten but Boy you know there was always an expression like you have a filthy mouth. I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap. And i've never knew anyone until now who actually had their mouth washed with soap. I would think it's really bad for your mouth tissues which are sensitive to have dial soap all over them terry. I wish you'd been there at the time. Yes i wonder if repercussions of this form of punishment. I wish you could have materialized. Untold this Hill folk from prince. Edward island said. Excuse me pardon me. I worry about his mouth tissues. I don't think this is the proper use of Maybe a liquid soap. Is there a liquid dial. So from the house i think that would be softer. And he could expect rated more easily. Who were you. I'm terry gross. I'll become famous in about fifteen years goodbye and then you disappear. Did it prevent you from other ever mouth off again to anyone. No of course not doesn't it's complete complete proof that capital punishment doesn't work we go. We made the it's we made. The jump doesn't work. We're listening back to the interview. I recorded last year with conan. O'brien will hear more of the interview after we take a short break. This is fresh air support for this podcast and the following message come from e. trade trading isn't for everyone but e-trade is whether it's saving for a rainy day or your retirement you trade. Has you covered. They can help you check your financial goals off your list and with a team of professionals giving you support when you need it. You can be confident that your money is working hard for you get more than just trading with each raid to get started today. Visit each trae dot com slash. Npr for more information each rate securities llc. Member finra sipc. Let's get back to the interview. I recorded in october of last year. With conan o'brien last week he announced he'll end as late night. Tbs show in june and then host a new weekly variety show on hbo. Max the your. Tbs shows starts with the montage of you of like conan through the years studying with you and you're a very young child and then being like an older child and a teenager and adult and then having your own shows so i wanted to spend a little more time in the young conan ears. We love music and you play guitar. You sing you. Don't try to pass yourself off as a professional musician. But you clearly love me are no In the studio where you are there was a Tara sitting there and doing the soundcheck. I heard you just playing around with it. Would you be willing to just play and sing something that you were so proud. You learned when you were young when you first picked up a guitar when i first put to. Oh well okay. this is When a comedian picks up a guitar unless these steve martin. It's time to go. it's time to get out so you've been warned Yeah there's a. I think kind of out of tune guitar here and yeah i was just in a room I come into this room. And i'm messing around with the guitar when suddenly i realize you're here and Then you have a gotcha moment of became do this but hold on The only reason i play guitar is because when i was in college i really got into the music of the early early sun. Sessions elvis presley. So you know. I'd always known elvis as the guy in the jumpsuit. And then i heard those early early recordings and so the first thing i learned was elvis's version of blue moon of kentucky. And i just give you a second of it but he played this and it was a bit of scandal at the time because this was not the way you were supposed to play blue moon of kentucky in this just makes me happy so again my apologies but i said boom move human keep heap signed by moving to keep on shining by going to bring you back my baby to nab newman. I said blue moon perp tug would keep on shining john on the woman's has turkey vote. Phones john cusack was better starshine by blowing. Said you pass it through. Burp took phones. John on the woman's gonna let me a something like that. yes. I loved it. That was great. You really put yourself into that. Why are you crying no. I'm trying to picture you as like a ten year older. Thirteen year old. You're trying to be bedrooms about eighteen. Okay yeah that's where the hair came from. And right. Yes i wanted i wanted. I wanted black hair And you know. Keep in mind this. Is you know it's all the wrong time. I'm supposed to be listening to the clash or something i'm supposed to. I was always not in my time. You know when. I was a kid the movies. I'm supposed to be watching as i'm coming of age clockwork orange and you know just the great. You know. i'm supposed to be watching marathon man and all that kind of stuff. And that's not what i'm doing. I'm watching jimmy cagney. In yankee doodle dandy watching angels with dirty faces and watching movies from the thirties so my timing is always wrong. I'm listening to fifties elvis. But it's at the wrong time. So i don't know i got a problem. Cut an o'brien. It's been great to have you back on the show. Thank you so much and good luck with all the new projects you have. Now thank you and You are one of my all time favorite people to talk to. And you're really brilliant at this and it's joy so thank you so much for having me on this free therapy. Thank you so much for saying that. My interview with conan. O'brien was recorded last year in october. Last week he announced he'll end is tbs late night show in june and that host a new weekly variety. Show on hbo. Max after we take a short break jazz critic. Kevin whitehead will review a new collection of sonny rollins studio and live recordings from nineteen sixty seven. That have never been released before. This is fresh air. Hi it's terry with a reminder that the link to donate to your local. Npr station is donate dot npr dot org slash fresh air. That's donate dot. Npr dot org slash. fresh air. thank you so much support for this. Podcast and the following message come from masterclass. A new year is around the corner for a lot of people that means dusting off creative goal whether it's writing a book starting a garden or trying a new recipe one night a week. Maybe you just wanna take twenty minutes a day for yourself to relax and listen to someone you find inspiring with masterclass you can get intimate access and insight from some of the world's most diverse thinkers with easy to stream. Classes listened to writers like david sedaris. Learn from athletes like serena williams or watch shifts like yotam otellini lanky with an annual membership. You get unlimited access to more than ninety masterclass instructors from any device so you can watch at home or listen while you're out for a walk. Whatever your creative goals. There's a class that can help you get inspired this holiday when you buy an annual masterclass membership you get another annual membership free go masterclass dot com slash fresh air in september. Fresh air celebrated jazz giant. Sonny rollins ninetieth birthday now comes the first issue of some prime nineteen sixty seven rollins music. It comes from a period when the saxophone is step back from recording for six years disillusioned with the record business. He still played some as on the quick trio tour commemorated on the new collection rollins in holland. Jazz critic kevin whitehead says it's his birthday gift to us Hum in spring nineteen sixty seven. When sonny rollins played some dates in england and enterprising promoter lured him across the north sea for a few gigs with a dutch bassist and drummer. They did a couple of one nighters plus a tv appearance and a studio recording for radio. There are bootlegs of their concert and on them but the loss. Tv and radio recordings only recently turned out. Thanks to the tireless detectives at the netherlands jazz archive rollins in holland onto cd's or three lp's from the reliably ethical. Resonance label is out with sonny's blessing. It's pretty terrific. Vintage rollins free willing setting playing his heart out. This is blue room. uh-huh Sonny rollins like that trio format using it on previous european tours. It gave him room to move. And it was economical only two musicians to pay basis rude yaacob and drummer han bentinck back a few visiting american stars together and separately and they revered rollins trio classic night at the village vanguard were bass and drums really push not that rollins needed pushing as says in the notes he pulls the wagon took the more than two hours of music on rollins in holland was recorded over just three days and may sixty seven. The package sensitively presents three sessions out of order starting with the tamest and best record in hilversum radio studio the moving onto the tv taping at a club and nearby low strack that night the set ends with the trio's incendiary. I gave two nights earlier in arnhem. This amateur recording is an hour and a half of the trio stretching out burning hotter and free associating playful high level improvising. rawlins's invention reminds me of live. Charlie parker bootlegs the flood of ideas the stream of consciousness musical quotations the rude mix of the sublime slapstick but with a quieter audience and her birthday. This trio's a race car fast maneuverable high horsepower. Pickup them sections are rarely so assertive. Dynamic drummer han. Benny already had a reputation as inspired but unpredictable. A fearsome swinger and unfettered improviser. Who might run you over. That wasn't a problem for wallets. He could turn up the volume two. Not the trio spin out onto any number of unscheduled side trips within their loose jams on standards. The dutch guys new rawlins this calypso's and the netherlands has its own caribbean immigrant. Beats sore rangy. Twenty minute rob. On miles davis's four eventually winds around a west indian groove back common person differences there. You can hear coming. The riffing energy sonny rollins brought to his post comeback style in the nineteen seventies off but he never had a band half so willful later on this nineteen sixty seven unit also looks back capping. The string of audacious trios rollins in holland. Presents a jazz master in an ideal setting where everything seems within reach at any moment. Decades later when han. Benny had become a star jazz festival. Circuits at least one festival program tried to engineer rowan's bending rematch but sunny didn't take the bait wasn't thirty six anymore for one thing sometimes getting lightning strike once can be enough. Not every great story gets a seal. Kevin whitehead is the author of the new book. Play the way you feel the essential guide to jess stories on film. He reviewed rollins in holland on the resonance label. If you'd like to catch up on fresh air interviews. He missed like this. Week's interviews with chef and restaurant tour. David chang or with dr peter hotels about the latest developments with covid nineteen vaccines and about the anti vaccine movement. Check out our website. You'll find lots of fresh air interviews. Fresh air's executive producer is danny miller our senior producer. Today is roberta shorrock. Our technical director and engineer is audrey. Bentham our interviews and reviews or produced an edited by emi salad phyllis myers sam brigger lauren crandall heidi simone theresa madden and rebelled and auto they challenor seth kelly and kayla lattimore our associate producer of digital media. Is molly seavy nesper. I'm terry gross.

brien terry gross Kevin whitehead nbc bank of america Tbs sonny rollins three percent twenty twenty bank of america depression twenty eight years letterman conan o'brien King method larry king Conan hbo ptsd three thousand calories conan Tbs
Apple Podcasts demonstrate 'Browse By Hosts And Guests'

podnews

03:51 min | 1 year ago

Apple Podcasts demonstrate 'Browse By Hosts And Guests'

"The latest from News Dot Net apple podcast this is demonstrated browse by hosts and guests showing Conan O'Brien needs friends guests within the apple podcast up then if you're running Ios team you can see that too we also find it in the desktop in Mac Os Catalina documentation project and make their muscles bigger who knows and we'll look at the tools we have to save our rapidly warming world. Oh Yeah I think you need here's a question what is technology how you're listening to me right now on your phone subscribe right now on Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast APP from stitcher and the Vox media podcast network the feature earlier this year describes the image requirements but just as these search enhancements will be first available for selected top shows in English we can't see any evidence of them in the podcast generational coming of age story between a Korean American son and his immigrant mother and that's the latest from newsletter pod news dot net shen because none of us are immune to those changes and we need to understand their impact right now that's why I'm hosting a new tech podcast consequences for people we'll talk to the bio hackers who are challenging regulators and scientific standards so would I sell crisper that somebody could it's called reset from recode by Vox will examine how artificial intelligence is changing the way we write I had a design story is a story and we're going to break that down resets launches onto fifteenth and drops Tuesdays Thursdays and Sundays injures and it's changing every day I'm Arial Jim Ross and when I see those changes I see worlds I can't wait to dive into and quest microphones allowing simple recordings to be made without digging out that copy of audacity Hindenburg pro tools and podcast captivates now has spotify pass through which rss feed and the guests appear not to include CONAN's latest guests David Letterman highlighting that this might be a manual process. Here's a question or apple moving away from Harrison main spotify stats appear in the same place as the rest of the stats on the captivate platform in podcasts today New Independent Series Moon face debuts tomorrow I thought enter my head which was I wonder if at some point these is going to be able to write my novel ideas better than I could how algorithms augment drones I think you need fixed-wing detection I think he needs satellite you need radar the public everybody is we're all in this together every flaws in our thinking over and over again we're seeing that these algorithms display bias and that the amplify bias and it can have very serious real word also represented by the podcast exchange in Canada portray curve released their top podcast publishers for September twenty nineteen the data is us only IHEART radio S.. Apples also highlighted search the audio the apple podcasts feature which searches transcripts much like Google podcasts does the highlight obeys in the IOS APP after upgrade into the latest version of irs thirteen stitcher podcasts and now represented in Australia by Washburne opening up Metro podcasts to Australian advertises stitcher. You're smart speaker or laptop we know that's tech but tech is also the way we develop new medicines it's how we compose music it's our connection to friends and fallen banks and number two cast media's new entrant to the chart at number ten resonate recordings have released the resonate recorder browser based recording tool for us.

apple Conan O'Brien Vox media spotify David Letterman Vox CONAN Jim Ross Google Australia Harrison Canada
203: Scott Ingram Needs a Friend

Daily Sales Tips

02:52 min | 1 year ago

203: Scott Ingram Needs a Friend

"<music> you're listening to the daily sales tips podcast. I'm your host scott ingram. If i'm being totally honest with you the quality of tips tips the next couple of days might take a bit of a dip. I worked my butt off to make sure that we had enough stuff to keep the show going through my entire two week absence but what i didn't really plan for was what i was going to do when i got back when there's so many other things that required my attention all that to say that today's tip might kinda suck tuck. I'll let you be the judge so over the course of my vacation. We drove over twenty five hundred miles from boston through new brunswick and nova with scotia and then most of the way around newfoundland. My original plan was for all of us to listen to some family friendly audiobooks in the car but somehow or other it never happened and instead my wife started playing episodes from conan o'brien's podcast conan o'brien needs a friend and we kinda couldn't stop my girls were are having fun with them and so we must have listened to close to thirty episodes. The one takeaway through all of that that i thought might be relevant for you is how much i heard. The impostor posture syndrome theme here conan is talking to some of the most successful entertainers in the world people who have worked incredibly hard over typically decades who massively doubted themselves a lot of time. It made me realize that that's probably a pretty universal feeling. The problem is that doubt and fear can really. We heard us if we let it. You're never going to get the meeting with the true decision maker if you're thinking who might be talking to the c._e._o. Of a billion dollar company or her what do i know i'm just a sales guy. We've all had thoughts like these but what you start to realize over time is that we're all just people top business leaders. The most successful entertainers heck top sales people. We're all human. We all have doubts we all are afraid. Sometimes i guess it was just helpful awful to hear this over and over again from so many different amazing individuals one bonus tip for you here as well at the end of episode twenty one where conan in interviews nicole buyer he tells a story about a text exchange with his assistant that starts at about the fifty one minute mark and takes about five minutes. It's not appropriate if you've got young kids with you but i can't remember the last time i laughed that hard so do yourself a favor. Give a listen to that. We'll put a link in the show not at top one dot f._m. Forward slash two three and see if you don't laugh until you cry or peer whatever you might want to use the restroom before you listen listen anyway. Thanks for listening. Be sure to come back tomorrow for another sales tip not sure if it's gonna be great or not though but i'll do my best. Thanks for listening.

conan o'brien scott ingram boston newfoundland fifty one minute billion dollar five minutes two week
No 90: Conan O'Brien

Podcast 42

1:11:48 hr | 2 years ago

No 90: Conan O'Brien

"It was at this moment that he knew Diam, John. Where'd you find this? Dreams. I now listening to the world's most popular inaccurate. And sometimes squirrel retelling of agriculture history. It's podcast forty two on the pod fix network. Twelve pack I feel like I should have probably looked price a little more. I just was excited to see it. So I bought it. It was Bogo public's swear eighteen dollars. I saw it might have been because it was it's it was running, and you like to run and the coal likes to run, and Laura thinks she likes to run. Learn os that she doesn't like to run. And yet she likes to collect metals. So that's the only way you can get them. Yeah. So I know where I stand on my like in this like of it. So just give them the what it's like four hundred dollars race. Now, just give them the four hundred dollars. They can hand you know it's only like two hundred race. On the Ray. Well, when I when I finally get my goofy medal. That one we'll be dopey regards, seven hundred. Right. That's what I'm saying that one, but I get seven hundred dollars. But I get like six medals six shirts. Yeah, but I get six medals and get my coveted goofy middle. But once you peel off the gold foil needs to chocolate good as the metal. Seven hundred dollars worth of stock land. You get a golden ticket to I hope. Oh, it's it's a lot of pride when you finish something like that. Let me tell you a lot of pride when I finish a kit Kat bar. There's nothing wrong with that. But is it what you finish a kick care fired? It's a perfect break. Each time. I don't I don't care about the perfect break. So you just bite all for it while she did that the other day. And it made my daughter they all. Oh. The best part. How you eat it. What's really weird as people look at you like you're insane. Into a kit Kat Hershey's bar like that. It's like you're supposed to bring apart. It's like your psychopath. If you don't eat it like their whole campaign was break me off a piece of the kit, Kat bars. So it was it was the first candy bar, that was meant to be shared. So even though chocolate bars have most share that. Yeah. No, no, no kick care right now. And I'll tell you right now. I'm not here in my kit, Kat. I social candy because it was intentionally made where you could break you understand what you're saying, but now everyone has such a stigma of it. But if you break it or eat at the wrong way, people think you're psychopath. Yeah. I mean if people are taking it that much hard. There's a problem in them. But speaking of psychopath. We have two minutes of babble that have nothing to do with Conan O'Brien. It's time for podcast. Forty two maybe Conan likes kit. Kat bar is out it, I'm gonna write that kept signing into them bites right into that. Yeah. Yep. Christopher divall. Nicole jail tros? Am laura. I have been wanting to do this. All right. Let's open up the beer, cooler. Jay. Gee. You bought the most expensive beer ever. It might not be. But I think it could be. Man, I feel like at been here before the second half of a Baratheon kick it in for your Laura. That's all it is. Okay. Because but that brought each what he six point Poitou brew from marathon brewing company, which is this. It's an AOL it's an ale brewed with see-saw Saul coriander. Oh my four percent av. It's a beer brewed for runners, so we could drink it or you could run at the same time because it's only about one hundred twenty calories to while I was going to go we season a lasagna with it probably because of the salt and the coriander. I don't know if you coriander and lasagna, but I am. That's how expensive it is. You might not want to waste it on something like that. It was expensive ready? Why not go all out and it's true on new expensive? It can be cannot if you put cottage cheese in it. So you're putting cottage cheese coriander air. Yes. Well, see there's this long. You've ever had day. What he's like you could come over and have something to eat. There's lozad the fridge. I really glad I grabbed it was my lasagna, not his so you would have been okay her family puts cottage cheese. And lasagna it's been. Doesn't like how thick ricotta is okay. So I get it does not why it's because he thinks it's a southern understand. Southern in one, the Italian said, you put Rakadh cheese in lasagna they misunderstood and they thought the Italian said, put the cotta cheese cottage. You'll understand everybody. My family was the one around to translate translates. The Hallion lasagna, recipe and the English for you, also you're welcome. Thank you. Yeah. So you're the only ones baking properly, it's supposed to be cottage cheese. The whole. I actually prove you wrong. You know, fifteen years ago, I pulled it up on Google for you, and showed you that there are numerous recipes on Google that also call for too long ago. Yeah. All right. Well, but n tangent number two, let's do this pop quiz. Number three. That one starts, so get out your pens in your papers. And this pop quizzes called this quiz is something for me. Poop on. Or sometimes the tonight show Conan's and sometimes it goes. I was going to do that one or at least you're late night gig lasted longer than Chevy Chase. So pick, whichever one you think is the funniest. This is always love a good Chevy Chase bird five general knowledge facts on Conan, O'Brien in order of the easiest to the hardest test, your knowledge, sport, one point for each correct answer question. Number one, which network, currently hosts Conan O'Brien's late night show. What ROY do you should get this? Correct as Nicole made us, watch the longest Conan O'Brien clip. Yes. She said it was a two day cliff that was half hour clip. No, she just said it was the next one. And all we had to do is click to the right. You're I thought she said it's a short clip to wash before we start sowed check in forty minutes later, here we are. Yes. You said we didn't have to finish it. But we were already invested you do have to finish it question. Number two number three. What does Conan O'Brien famously collect? And this is a collection of something. No. Hint. It's not cars now. I know collect. Been nice. Right. His name, plus should number three who did O'Brien stage of Mark feud with in two thousand eight. You'd I heard would everybody lied. Correct. Answer of this, and this room, hint, forty minute video hint. Forty minute video audience lost people in this room, you should have a correct answer question. Number four. What is the name of O'Brien's wife hint? I did not know this either I had to look at them and question, number five what unusual hobby did O'Brien Abbas and child? Hint didata involved collecting car. Jamie. He. Saying, usual, hobbies what unusual hobby coming O'Brien have this child, right? Papers down. She should put your pens down. You don't have to put your papers down question, number one. What network backup gale dot dot dot it, which network currently host Conan O'Brien show everyone altogether. Excellent question, number two. What does Conan O'Brien famously collect Laura? I put coffee mug coffee modes jail freckles and souls. Because he's a ginger and he has no soul. And he gets do freckle every time he gets sole. That's fairly close the call. Call. Magically. He collects. Lucky charms. There's only five marshmallows, right? Yeah. Once you have one box cereal. That's not a collection. No. Every now and then they have the special one. All right. Well half a point for that. You can have a point, Laura. I am not Conan O'Brien. So it's. Tars guitar. Oh, freckles in souls, though. Jail. You also get half a point, and Laura, you get a fourth of a point forgetting the Conan O'Brien mixed up because we both have the same haircut. No question. Number three, who did O'Brien staged feud with in two thousand eight jail Jon Stewart. Nicole Jon Stewart, Laura. Well, see, I originally wrote your mom until you gave me the clue and then I put John Stewart. Down stir? It was the forty minute video that we watched not forty pretty close. Thirty eight minutes. Six seconds eleven minutes breeze show to ads. That's how long it was and YouTube time eleven minutes is for ever. What is the name of O'Brien's wife for question, number four, Nicole, Janine Janine, pretty close jail, LIZA? He who very far away, Laura. I put Peggy Peggy awesome very close. The answer is piggy. Janine. No answers LIZA LIZA Powell that I looked it up earlier, when we were talking during the forty minute video. L. Really, why? It just kinda popped up on the Wikipedia page something up and question, number five what unusual hobby did O'Brien have as a child, Laura eating, mud pies, mud pies jail. Poop collector, poop collector, kind of like eating mud pies. I didn't I didn't take any time I had normal hobby, but then it was an unusual hobby and there was in court. Okay. What was your hobby ball pass skip, all basketball basketball tall was wondering what Pasco ball sounds like a sport. I could play. I don't play sports. All. That's awesome. Hey played catch. It's like hot potato. The unusual hobby that O'Brien has a child. Was he collected lucky? Charms. Tap dancing. Oh, that's nice type dancing. Right. Sources for this script were Wikipedia, of course, YouTube and his wife, CoCo dot com. Tim, CoCo dot com. Music with weird Al on the music with now. Now. All right. Carson's going to start us off. It's the best time, arsons going to catch his breath. And then Carson's gonna start off you'd have you have all of because you're actually dead. Hello. This is the ghost of Johnny Carson before we talk about Conan O'Brien. I was wanting to say that tonight show is one of the longest running TV shows ever. And as an institution, this fine country is one of the most respected programs on television today, and the host of it is a coveted position wanna by everyone, but only a select few of held it. Yes. Well, thank you. Add that was very insightful. Kind of pains me to see what happened to Conan O'Brien and his stint on the night show short. But it was a weird wild stuff now. Hold on a minute. Johnny I nothing to do with that. It's all NBC NBC's. The bad guy here. Not, not Jay Leno. False whole weird wild stuff. They're j I actually never mentioned your name weird that you just didn't like that. I say, let's look at what happened Nicole Coenen Christopher O'Brien was born April. Eighteenth nineteen sixty three in Brookline. Massachusetts hen was raised in an Irish Catholic family, his father, Thomas. O'brien wasn't FDA Miala gist in a professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. Nice read their I'm glad I didn't have that word. His mother Ruth O'Brien is a retired attorney and former partner at the Boston firm ropes and gray O'Brien is one of six children. Hello. I'm the formal principle of Brooklyn high school. My name is Cathy scheme. More Conan with such an awkward and wonderful student. Very nice. He was very interested in bear sexual activities, which was weird admittedly, and he was the author of the school newspaper. The Sega more. I could have been the that paper, do you need one? Well, no, it's a high school newspaper in here. Like, what eighty I'm always sixty. I could run that paper better than Conan and get better readers to go away. Did you know in Christopher senior year, he won the national hill of tiers of English writing contests with his short story to bury the living and was an intern for congressman Robert Drina, and I think he loves his internship, because he would wear a dog puppet on his hand and insult the other congressman O'Brien graduated as valedictorian in nineteen eighty one and entered Harvard University, he studied history and literature and graduated Magna cum laude in nineteen eighty-five nine wedge, O'Brien was also drummer in a band called the bad clams. Bag clams once pooped for days. Weird wild stuff. Ed, let's finish with the back histories so we can get to the show parts, principles skeet more here. Again, I just wanted to say that I was so proud when I learned that Christopher Webb, a writer for the Harvard lampoon magazine humor magazine that was it was very funny, one, not just regular old magazine, and also served as their president, that is what having a Brooklyn high school foundation could do for you. Conan also developed a spoof of the popular video game, one on one doctor J versus Larry Bird in which the Boston Celtics play against a classical ballet troupe. Weird. Was that it, yes, I just like to say a lot O'Brien moved to Los Angeles after graduation to join the writing staff of HBO's, not necessarily the news, if I was I'm not necessarily the news. It would still be on the air today. Rich hall here. I know all but disappeared from show business, but in case you don't remember not necessarily news featured sketches parody news items commercial parodies. Humorous bits made from over w over actual news footage. It was based on the British series, not the nine o'clock news. Also where I came up with singlets y'all remember snippets. Right. No Conan was also writer on the short lived the Wilton north report while doing that he performed regularly with improvisational groups that groundlings, then a big break happened in January nineteen eighty eight he won publishers clearinghouse, no actually Saturday Night, Live, executive producer, Lorne Michaels, hired O'Brien as a writer, during Conan's three years on SNL. He wrote such reoccurring, sketches as Mr. short term memory and the girl watchers performed by Tom Hanks, and Jon lovitz O'Brien and. Fellow SNL writers received an EMMY for outstanding writing in a comedy or variety series. Once again, see what Brooklyn education can do for you. If I went to Brookline it would be the number one rated school in its time slot. What are you talking about? Can someone please tell me what this strange big man is talking about Brian like many SNL writers, occasionally appeared as extras and sketches including being the doorman in a sketch in which Tom Hanks was inducted into the SNL five timers club. But then things changed for O'Brien in nineteen ninety one when he quit Saturday Night Live Conan recalls. Lori michaels. I couldn't come back to work and I just needed to do something else. I had no plan whatsoever. I was literally in his big transitional phase in my life where I decided just walk around. New York City will come to you like maybe singing about slip it on. That's than actually I slipped on some nuts, Coney got another break when Mike Reiss, and algae from the Simpsons called O'Brien offered him a job Conan. Oh, wait. I did. This microphone on. It is did I mention how much I love Conan? I really do. I gave him the tonight show after all, let us not forget that. Then you took it back. Are your? No, Johnny working on the Simpsons was a big deal at the time, O'Brien says. Everyone wanted to be on the show, but they never hired around that same time my old groundlings friend, Lisa Bill crew. Go crew grow grow crew. Dro. That's what he does. An apartment in Beverly Hills since we were roommates we decided to become more than roommates. They were doing it. Could you believed that Conan should be performing rather than writing six get her last name? Right. You would thing. Disagreed. I thought she was just being overly flattering. She was my friend to one of my five friends. I had most of my other friends lived in New York, and danced around fountain. That's true. Her five other friends. I don't know about you, what does she I was friends with Conan once. Principals eat more here again. And I just wanna say that just goes to show you once again, that Brooklyn education will get you a job on the Simpsons. I can confidently say that now is back then, because the show will never ever go off the air commas are important, but whatever anyway, I was very nervous when I started the Simpsons they showed me into this office and told me to start writing down some ideas, they left me, alone in that office, I left after five minutes, go get a Cup of coffee and I heard a crash, I walked back to the office, and there was a hole in the window and a bird on the floor. Literally in my first ten minutes at the Simpsons a bird of flow through the glass of the window hit the far wall broken. It's neck and fallen dead on the floor. Well, if I wrote for the Simpsons I would have hired Conan a long time before that fired him. From nineteen ninety one to nineteen Ninety-three O'Brien was a writer and also producer for the Simpsons O'Brien would pitch new characters in their voices as he thought was the norm for the time until they informed him that no one did such a thing he fit in quickly. And it was even said that if code hadn't left to do late night, he was a shoe went takeover as show runner on the Simpsons. My most famous episode was Marge versus the monorail Monroe. Bado doubt. I like that simplified out if we can get that up banned from the airwaves forever. I used to do this thing, called a nervous writer in the writing meetings out open candidate coke sh- and then nervously pitcher joke while I was doing that out spray diet coke over myself. That's. That's genius. Yeah. That's what I said, genius. Someone giving a candidate coke. Meanwhile, David Letterman was preparing to leave his show. Dave here I was leaving because he wanted a new opportunity to grow elsewhere. That's what I remember I was leaving because I got passed over for the night show for chin. Boy. Hey. Well, you don't have to resort to cheap shots. Remember, scrunch Dave's car with my keys, Lorne Michaels was in search for a new host Michaels approached O'Brien to produce. But was told that O'Brien wanted to perform? So Michael syringe attests audition on the stage of the tonight show, Jason Alexander and Mimi Rogers, where the guests and the audience was composed of Simpson's writers, once Simpsons writer recalls thing, a friend of yours, the sky that you worked with walk out from behind the curtain, and deliver a monologue with, like something you could only dream up that you couldn't even imagine actually happening the performance was being by satellite to New York where Lorne Michaels and NBC executives watched Brian was picked as the new host of late night on April twenty six nineteen Ninety-three. I remember when he got the phone call. He was passed out faith down into a horrible shock. Herpin the Simpsons office, he was just quiet and comatose down there on that carpet. I remember looking at him and saying, wow, your life is about change. In a really dramatic way, when I'd have to call a host this night show. I was that nervous at all. I celebrated by popping tags at the strip clubs pitches in hose bay. Late nineties. Heo right. Ed. Just bringing that big check from the publishers clearinghouse and. For everyone late night with Conan O'Brien year. Nicole premiered on September thirteen nineteen Ninety-three to not very good reviews, O'Brien, even wrote, a piece in the New York Times, titled O'Brien flops on the day of the shows premiere who shirted flop boy, who wanted disaster, a wait, why is this microphone never turned off credits? Critics attacked O'Brien Tom shales of the Washington Post suggested that the host resume his previous identity Conan oblivion. The consensus was that O'Brien was nervous and fidgety on camera. And that he was too smart to east coast. Too sophisticated too young and even too tall to be successful for the record. I was never too tall. Those show was constantly at risk for cancellation at one, low point in nineteen ninety four NBC threatened to put him on a week to week contract. They wanted to replace him with Greg Kinnear who followed O'Brien with later at one thirty AM interns were filling in empty seats in the audience and NBC affiliates. Began to inquire about replacement hosts my seats were full all the time. Not just buying turns. Either I also grandmothers in one installment, after a short stretch of reruns psychic. Any Richter described his vacation activities as follows. I sat back and reminded myself, what it's like to be unemployed. You sound just like I know but things would improve sketches begin to grow in popularity including one where. Where a still photo of celebrity was shown behind Conan's desk, where the lips moved and voices were provided for them a party crazed. Bill a party crazed. Bill Clinton was one of these paintings, dings, thought doing that first, but let Conan have the bit because he needed it more than me. I'm helpful like that turning point for me was when David Letterman came on the show, it was a morale boost, I was thinking if the guy who credited twelve thirty thing came on and says, we're smart and funny. Let's go. This show with some more ups and downs, but overtime, quality improved regular characters would typically include masturbating bear a few heard me on coked up where wolf Artie KENDALL, who was a dead, Bing Crosby crooner and triumph. The insult comic dog son levels went down. Can you go back to where characters typically include hurt again, I don't want to one of my favorite? Nice try, we visited historic civil war era. Baseball league when I leave this earth at my funeral just show this, because this pretty much says, who I'm all about when I die, I want to be buried with all four hundred of my cars that I own. See you better. Make sure there's plenty of land for that. O'brien's audience largely young and male, which was a coveted demographic, because they like the masturbating. Yeah. Grew steadily and the ship to best competitors in the ratings, which it would continue to do so for the next fifteen seasons, Tom shales called the show. One of the most amazing transformations in television history, one writer for Konan remembers. Hello. I'm a different writer than before. I know we've found alike but we are not we started winning award. We were nominated annually for the EMMY award for best writing comedy or variety theories, but only one in two thousand seven and nine hundred ninety seven two thousand two thousand to two thousand three and two thousand four. We won the writers guild award for best writing any Tommy flash variety series. I'm awards to, you know, like best award for handing over a show and taking it back. Best a war for pissing off everyone in the industry, best chin award. The list goes on and on in two thousand and four Jay Leno made a speech on this night show that said that NBC suggested heading off the tonight show to Conan O'Brien in two thousand and nine. This was an Tyson to code in who was reportedly getting other offers Leno agree that two thousand nine was a good end date. I remember seeing two thousand nine it was good date. Maybe a Konate can take over. Maybe that's how I remember it said he wanted to go out on top, and that he didn't want to do the show into sixties anyway, actually said that I didn't want to do the show in twenty sixty people forget that part Leno said, he'll keep the show, number one for the next five years, and then handed off to Conan O'Brien with no regrets. Avoiding the bad feelings that surrounded his ascension to the throne when Johnny Carson retired Willie. Ted a fine. How do you do seventeen years later on February twentieth? Two thousand nine NBC aired the last episode of late night with Conan, O'Brien, O'Brien ended the episode by destroying the set with an x and handing out the pieces of the set to the audience. He also thanked list of people who helped him get to that point in his career including Lorne Michaels. David Letterman, Jay Leno and O'Brien's wife and children. Of course, he was going to think we where would Conan, my best bud. Be without me. I was. Going to make this a peaceful transition tonight show, much like the civil war was a peaceful transition of power between the US any good. What the debut episode of this night show with Conan, O'Brien generated nine point two million viewers overall and the ratings for the debut episode where higher than both CBS's late show with David Letterman and ABC's Nightline combined during the rest of o'briens premiere week ratings dropped each day. Letterman started to rate better than the tonight, show and soon the tonight show audience was the smallest in the franchise history strange looks from Laura what happened the civil war was not between England and the United States. It was Sweden north and south supposed to say revolutionary. Okay. Well. And I was like I history, right. I can't move on with that was just a well-placed joke, especially with epic bad. Catch eat it. I don't think Ed McMahon, Kat, it complete typo. Doing as much grammatical stuff as I could not just. Apparently, we need a fact there's a disclaimer at the end of the show. This is for very concerned. Okay. All right. Well, hey generic writer here again, who does the differs tree, the civil revolutionary war site because writers are smart stew. I found like the other two writers. But I assure you, I'm someone different. I just wanna point out that despite the loss in ratings over. I was still doing better than Leno did when he took over the tonight, show and O'Brien was breathing. No. He was definitely not breathing. But he was beating the other late night. War between. Coated. Well, that's my little came back. Everybody. Right. Well he was beating the other late night. Uncertain demographic shreve. Eight. I was concerned for the tonight show. So I decided to camp out in the lobby in case they needed me to return, you know, quietly in the corner. Just minding my own business of able, if needed wig wing nudge, nudge, that I remembered, I was still under contract and NBC should probably give me a show at ten o'clock every night, besides the show is going to be different. We're going to do it without a desk done a Shimeiri breed revolutionary like England versus listen. I'm trying to make the civil. Two months after the premiere of the Jay Leno show ratings for the tonight show were down roughly two million viewers from when Leno hosted the program while jas show was cheaper to produce than the scripted dramas desk. It generated fewer Ledin viewers for local news programs causing a domino effect on ratings for the tonight show and late night with Jimmy Fallon wasn't my fault, just because we have all the best. Guests were basically doing the tonight show in our and a half earlier. Hi, guys. I'm the same writer from before the second one, the second rider spoke. I just don't want you to get us confused. NBC was considering moving schedules around Jalen would move from his ten pm weeknight time slot to eleven thirty five pm due to a combination of the affiliates, unhappiness, and due to both leno's and Conan O'Brien's poor ratings, the plan would have Leno show shorten from an hour to thirty minutes O'Brien's contract stipulated that NBA. See could move the show back to twelve five AM without penalty, which was a clause put in primarily to accommodate sports preemption 's leaving him with no apparent recourse of than resignation. Hi, I'm not the writer that just spoke a brand new writer to this conversation. Basically NBC said they were going to move Jay Leno out of the time put him back on late night. As soon as possible O'Brien was given no advance notice of this, an NBC offered him to choices the hour long twelve five AM time thought or leave if a Brian show, sleeve, Linda would get the tonight show title as well as the full eleven thirty five pm to twelve thirty five AM time slot. And O'Brien would have to remain off the air until Lynagh retires. Fox had expressed an interest in O'Brien, if he left, so did TNT HBO FX Showtime in revision three but ABC and CBS did not offer interest. Does anybody who revision three's? Just ask that no cl- isn't that the Spanish network, Telemundo. Trace or you, it's written numerically. So it could be pronounced trace. It used to be UPN. Or the w or WB renaming or Cartoon Network on January twelfth O'Brien issued a press release that stated he would not continue with the NBC program if it moves to a twelve o five AM time slot Coenen said, I'm leave at delaying the denied show into the next day to Commodore another comedy program would seriously damage. I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The tonight show at twelve five simply isn't the tonight show. Also accept this move be knocking the leaked late night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on Jimmy Fallon out of his longtime time slot that would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love it would be unfair to Jimmy. Hey guys, I'm the same writer before. Don't forget O'Brien also pointed out the lack of support from the network and lead in primetime rating. It was my mistake. Believe that like my. Predecessor, I would have the benefit of the of some time and just as important some degree of rating support from the prime time schedule building a lasting audience at eleven thirty is impossible without both. All headline news reported that NBC intended to keep Conan off the air completely for three and a half years without pay unless he agreed to NBC's terms insiders for both NBC and O'Brien dismissed the notion. The New York Times reported online support was overwhelmingly in favor of O'Brien in the days following the switch announcement team Conan, or I'm with CoCo groups online started appearing, many celebrities, expressed support for O'Brien including Tom Hanks Rosie o'donald quest love, Howard Stern, Jimmy Kimmel, and Ricky Gervais what this is like, what's this, like, this is like a little civil war, and NBC like when England and US had their civil war. Sure, I guess anything's possible in the round where the England in the US had a civil war. Walter. Hello. The first writer back again. My favorite was that patent also built said comedians, who don't like Jay Leno now? And I'm one of them. We're not like Jay Leno sucks. It's that we're so hurt and disappointed that one of the best comedians of our generation willfully has shut the switch off in an issue of TV guide. The time saw dispute ranked number one on a list of TV's biggest blunders following two weeks of negotiations. It was officially announced that Conan O'Brien had signed a forty five million dollar deal to leave. NBC altogether ending a partnership that lasted twenty two years. The money was divided among O'Brien the producers and the staff of the show. Hey guys, I'm writer from south park. I know I'm out of place here. But I just wanted to chime in wasn't report. It was NBC would be able to keep some of the severance pay after O'Brien finds a new program and O'Brien may not return to vision until after two thousand ten on another network. The network confirmed that Leno would officially resume as host of the tonight show on March. First two thousand ten after the Winter Olympics Conan O'Brien on his departure from the tonight show said every comedian every comedian dreams of hosting the tonight show. And I for seven months, I got to do it. I did it my way with people I love. I do not regret a second of it. All I ask is one thing. And I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch please do not be cynics cynical. I hate cynicism for the record. It's my least favorite quality also history. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you're kind amazing things will happen Conan started a Twitter account and announced that he would embark on a thirty city live tour beginning in April, southbound Greider, again, it was called the legally prohibited from being funny on television tour. He also stay started. The teen cocoa. Dot com. Website, O'Brien, decided not to keep any of the proceeds from the tour in order to employ his show's staff members, I would have done that too, if the tonight show wasn't available for me to take back. Cohn into the tour dress like Eddie Murphy from raw. The tour was joined by sidekick, any Richter, the former tonight show band temporarily renamed the legally prohibited band started with this bit where peered as an obese and bearded version of myself struggling to cope with the loss of my talk show. Eric Carmen's by. Played classic sketches were also revived for the tour. I'll be at under different names, due to legal issues over the ownership rights, the masturbating bear. For example, made a brief appearance before being transformed into the self pleasure in panda. Don't you like that? So much more. Now. Now, Deh levels. I don't know. Nice try, you gotta start all the way from Conan have to say about the self pleasure and panda. No, no, no. Yeah. Not the bare anymore. That's what it what was the bear that anywhere. So what does it matter? The beer, do self pleasure. I'm data tour began I announced that I would host a new show on T, B S, this show named Coenen debuted on November eight th two thousand ten at eleven PM O'Brien's edition moved Lopez tonight with George Lopez back one hour Conan refused to do it at first not wanting what happened to him to happen to Lopez. But Lopez called to persuade him to come to TBS up. Brian spoke about the tonight show conflict on the CBS news magazine sixteen minutes, he said it felt like a marriage breaking up suddenly violently like a masturbating bear appeared. And I was just trying to figure out what happened. I absolutely expected NBC to give me more of a chance. And that, if that wasn't Jay leno's position sitting next to a masturbating beer. I would not have come back to the tonight show. I didn't feeling that got shafted like masturbating beer. It's critical to me that everyone sees this, if they take anything away from this. It's I'm fine. Just like. Masturbating bear. If he was with Jay Leno he would have been one of my four hundred cars, and it would have been both of us, and a masturbating bear, and masturbating bear, self pleasure. I'm doing great. I hope people still find me community absurd and ridiculous. I don't regret anything even the masturbating bear. I don't regret anything either even that night with the masturbating bear. Do you hear that Jimmy Fallon introduce a little anarchy? Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos in agent of chaos. I'm bored and I'm coming for your show. One day. And that his Conan, O'Brien call. Do you like the best debating bear? Obviously, she doesn't make you comfortable. It's just so much a panda with the high. God, I can. I just don't do the fishbowl facts. Say this whole facts. These are tiny little tidbits on Conan O'Brien that we pulled from an actual fish bowl. Oh, look at that you're going for the big fact, Laura, and I was thinking. It before I pulled it out and committed to it. I had to make sure they're going little thin. That's what she said. Start us off. Since you went for the big fact, but it has a really big name 'em had a suit, too. Bad took it Kezer Inskeep. John cazar ski who John Keser Inskeep from the office. It's John Krizan ski. Yeah. That's what I said. It's not. I love giant characters and ski John. Say for everybody wonders, it's John, Chris. Ski from the off it it's Joan karaoke from the all right. The office cast members John, Kirk Kerry karaoke. Skis. Ellie Kemper, and Mendy, Kaeling, or interns on late night with Conan O'Brien. No, John Chris's. Oh man. I got a really big last name where to every time Paul Rudd goes on O'Brien show. He brings. How do you say? Yeah. Keep it. Keep it at every time it's the same bizarre sequence of a boy, and a wheelchair rolling down the hill from MAC and me. Gee that you showed me showed you who has seen the clip. I thought you showed me you rolling down the Bill wheel. I did that too long last names to have you ever seen back at me? Now no, you are missing out, have you not seen Mackin me all the new season of mystery science theater three thousand on Netflix. So that's the only way I'll watch. Because it's worth it just for that, okay? We'll watch it in two thousand and three there was an episode of late night with Conan O'Brien that was entirely done using claymation. The guests for the show included. Johnny knoxville. Richard Lewis and David Bowie. One of the longest names, not so long thing. Everybody. Even along piggybacked. Joining end you piggyback, like a masturbating bear. All it's okay to call all thinking about yourself, just like that bear. Code and acquired the dick name CoCo after its use in the first Twitter tracker sketch during the second of his tonight show. Run guest Ono this tough last name to Nicole. Tom Hanks use the nickname during his subsequent interview, even getting the audience to chant it in reaction to the moniker Conan remarked to Hanks in just if that catches on I'll sue you. Nice. All right. Here goes my name's again. You have more names. I do have more names when David Letterman left late night franchise at NBC for his own show at CBS and nineteen ninety three the first choice where replacement host was Dana, Carvey O'Brien, I can't see that going very far O'Brien is an ordained minister performed a same sex marriage. That was broadcast on his show, O'Brien specifically became ordained in order to before the marriage between a member of his staff and their partner while taping the show in New York City. Get wrote Coenen. Bryant only follows one person on Twitter that person a fan named Sarah Killen, who he decided to follow at random one day soon after joining the site. Interesting O'Brien is a third cousin of fellow Duiguid, comedian actor devas leery that is wild. Stuff triumph the insult comic dog a fairly keep dog puppet was waste by Roberts. Mickle Spiegel smuggle. No, that's the goal from Lord of the rings. All right. Well, we put out we ask for your thoughts on Conan O'Brien on Facebook and Twitter. And on the hotline, what's the number for the hotline, you have it in front of you. If you want to call a sleeveless voicemail comment suggestions in on a topic that we're going to be recording about our phone number is eight one three seven zero eight nine seven one seven awesome. So on Facebook, Chris, from more good, or than in our boss said he was done dirty talking about Conan. I thought we were talking about the masturbating bear. Yes. It's a self pleasure in panda. No. I'm sorry. He's endangered. The self pledging pan does does sound a little bit nicer. It does the call. What do you think? I agree. Russell says I love Conan. I think he's a much better late night show. Sorry russell. Russell says I love Conan. I think he's a much better night's show than Fallon. Still hate Jay, for what he ended up doing to Conan also is a little in his cups only wrote that did he refer to self the third person the whole tie or no. Said Russell said. Donna. They really messed up Conan with the whole Jay Leno fiasco is reminiscent of the way David Letterman was done wrong by Leno and Johnny Carson at that it was of the civil war between the US. Gary says I like Conan, but lost touch with the show when he moved to TV s same here because you don't have cable doesn't have cable cable. I have cable now briefly. I didn't want it. Away. You have it. Hi, laura. I like the flip through the channel time. I cannot flip through the kennel on the internet. Listen, you can Pluto TV has channel flipping stuff including mystery science seater three thousand does it have snap it might have snapped. And it doesn't have snap that you don't want her to watch that I have watched every episode since it started. Well, there's only three of us the next episode you know why. Tina says you can watch old Conan on you to the first season was very cringely yet still very funny. Go team CoCo and then Heather who asked us to do this, and I told her she needs to call. So she didn't have time to call, but then wrote, a paragraph, instead I've watched Conan's since he first came on the scene in nineteen ninety three I was instantly drawn to his dry humor. It was more than just sarcastic. It was cereal. Cer- cerebal easy for you to say cerebal and actually took some thought to get maybe that's. Instead of calling. I don't know the skits were always my favorite. Some may seem as dumb at times. But for me they were so much more entertaining than anything Leno could come up with Letterman was great. But he had repeat skits on a show such as the top ten stupid animal tricks, those are great, but you kind of always knew what to expect Conan, his writers, actually put a law thought and their skits for each show, those a lot like Carol Burnett or Monty python for meat. So there you go. Thank you, everyone. We got some phone calls calls to. Has that phone number? Again, is eight one three seven zero eight nine seven one seven case you wanna call be one of these magical guest stars on our show. I what is from Toaff from gravity beard. Always appreciate the call. Toaff from gravity beers. The pod six network. I'm really glad that you guys are doing it up. Assode on Conan O'Brien. I don't think that I can leave a message that really doesn't Justice, but I'll give it a shot. I didn't know I wasn't aware of him or didn't know nothing about him until he took over the hosting job that he did back in nineteen Ninety-three. And I was willing to give a shot right from the beginning and I recorded every single one of his episodes from his first season and at the time no one really liked him either. You got a really bad route. And I got made fun of for washing his show, almost every single night that was a big my second year college, and you know. For several years after that. And he was he was the cool show to watch all the college kids, like Conan O'Brien. And that's just I just rolled is because I took it in the shorts for my phone swarm, but, you know, he was a great writer. I think he was on the, the running staff of the Simpsons and for Saturday Night Live. It's not often I don't know if there's another president of a guy that came out of the writing group, and then took on a high profile hosting job and lasted for twenty five years, and I believe, and you'll probably cover this in the episode that Letterman wanted Conan to take over for him when he laughed, because Jay Leno and Jay Leno boy, that's a whole nother conversation, but that guy, so milk toast. I never thought he was that funny. I never thought he was at talented, although he was on a writing staff with Dave Letterman, Jay Leno was alone, the booze ler. And I think we Anderson he was on Jimmy Walker's writing staff when they all were in California. It's showed up in Hollywood early in their careers. That's the interesting contract, but but Conan Conan is awkward. And he's not for everybody. But I think he's really funny. He's got a cool sensibility. I like that. He's weird. And I like the way that he approached the show, and he absolutely positively got completely screwed by Jay Leno and by NBC and, and, and it wasn't just him. You got a staff that helps them run the show and all those people, you know, some from, you know, the whole staff got screwed are really bad deal, but he always seemed to sort of on some level landed on a seat, but lots of lot of attention and and audience size, whatever by move into TBS and kind of just got lost move out to California. And then he started the podcast recently, which is okay. It's not great. But I've always rooted for him. I always feel like he was the underdog. He's he was unique so long, but I've always held a, a fun for kind of O'Brien. Thanks so much for doing it episode on because. By what do you think that Jay Leno toe from gravity bears? Big fan to yours. That's fine. I'm not a big fan of his show anyways, but it's fine. It's not funny enough for me. And I'll just take it over one day. And I'll make it funny. I could find good writers like me and I could do that. All about me all about the tonight waiting for it. I didn't know about that. Letterman Leno worked at one time. That's pretty cool. Could be held them up like at gun point, probably. Probably, but that, that would account for that all, you know, that much more hatred that Letterman had for leno's affected the together, this next one's from Lisa from. Shake my head. I watch and O'Brien I only watch shows with local first names. I like your show. I only listen to. Gravity beard. I got the calls mixed up. Bruder. Conan O'Brien talk show host with biblical first names, surprise, that would be what David Letterman. No James Jimmy Fallon Jimmy Kimmel August. So if you're going with the. Proper first name. Okay. And Scottish guy, what was his name, Sean Connery? No, he was on credit. Yeah. Craig Curson Craig isn't and Pippa Clooney the book Craig was between Deuteronomy and book assumes that must have gotten lost in the civil war. Lost at the book exodus. What's funny, is that we use. Google voice for the voice messages. That's the phone number your calls, a Google voice number. And it they types out a transcript and anytime that Burgos, mar whatever he does at the end. Voice types out. All right. So really would go. It's really oh. That's what that's what people translate is translating that to. So maybe you know they're smarter than us. They're robot. I'm constantly proving the robots. I'm not a robot. So the way I can get concert tickets. All right. Well, let's get to the, the most expensive beer. We've ever had. Why don't we start with you Nicole, and what's I rating come back? Well, I can explain the rating system of come back to me for rating 'cause I need to one last procure silver door. You sip. It's okay. Our rating system is one through six based on a six pack of beer, how many out of six pack, could you train based off of drink ability alone. The taste of flavor. Do you like it enough to drink one two, three four five or six of the beers nicely done? We'll start with you. Laura than why do you always started? I'll start if you want. You didn't use the powerful pass. Now how story it's fine? So it's pretty light, far as taste goes to me, so I could probably drink five of them, just because it's light easy to drink. I believe that's your highest rating, ever know she gave a six. The rice beer, the right. Well, we can't talk about that. I gotta go get it again. I, I really enjoyed that beer. Lost Zelda show wasn't it? Yeah. Yes. Where we made it through one level. Got to the day coochie was a beer that you gave a six two, and I wasn't here for was it was a Japanese beer, also very farfetched for me. I love pretty much anything from Japan might be one in the beer, cooler. Gone. Trust me. It's gone, there was one, I would have had it should hold a contest because the beer cooler does have passed beers in it still raffle off like a. Lucky winner can win all the beers that we didn't like that Jesse. Well, I'm going to show you how much my pal has improved with beer. I think that I would have rated at one point, this beer a six, but it's kind of light on the flavor. That's what I found. That's what you said. I'm piggybacking off, you like a masturbating beer. So self pleasing pan pleasure in panda. It's not a bad beer. It has good taste. It's light like Laura said, it's drinkable, but there's not a lot of like taste to it. There's no finish to it which is what I prefer a beer. I'm going to give it a I'm going to give it a re point nine because I don't want to give it a four God, just give it sure hard with three point one to bake, the perfect five K beer. A three point one to make it the perfect five K beer if you bought it would not be disappointed. I think you could drink it, you would be like, oh, I didn't waste my money on it, but it's just not a lot of power to it. It's not overly like I could sit down and drink and not even compound those pretty easy. Yeah. Masturbating bear. All right. Nicole speaking masturbating bears, pound it. I also think it's light, it's light on the flavor that being said, the flavor I'm not really crazy about it at all or part apple. I bob. You're gonna leave me to explain that thanks. You're welcome. I'm not really crazy about the flavor. I agreed that it's got drink ability. But it's just not gonna hold enough for me. So I'm going to give it a two. I'm not really crazy about it brew master if I were finishing a race it's a six. Yeah. All six of these right after bears on hell. I could probably drink two of them during four percent. You'd be fine. Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter. But after a race could easily drink six though, flavor wise, you get to see Saul taste in there and get that at all. Oh, I did. I did. I got the sea salts there. But overall I thought it was pretty smooth with the sea salt after taste. I think it's a very fine crispier supremely light great for a post race beverage or just a nice light beer. Overall? I would give it a four I was close to you close in my rating to you. What's enjoyed it? But. You're lessening more flavor. That's my problem with it. I want more flavor from it. I get what they're trying to do. I think for what they're trying to do. It's an overall, six marketing wise perfect. Great. They know who they're going for. It is a runner beer. Yes. But for me, personally, I like beer would flavor. And this is lacking, the flavors of beer beer that gives you the runs. But you're going to say Nicole, you were you gonna say something? No, okay. Overall, even after all, that it is a truly enjoyable beer. All right. Awesome. Lor. Brought you read our sponsor for this week today. So sponsored by seat giant, what is giant? You may ask. It's not seats that you would sell to your giant friends like Conan, right? True jail, six foot four or giant seats that you would sell to anyone, no matter what their high is, which would be weird. But maybe you own a roadside attraction. See giant is actually a new place to get great deals on tickets to concerts sports ball theater in family events. Great seats can be yours to husky baseball, the MA fights or book of Mormon Hamilton Chelsea handler shows or how about BT 's pink Rolling Stones Ariana GRANDE day or any concert tickets that you may not see giant has amazing prices and huge selection and great customer service. Visit seat giant dot com or see. Giants dot CA for Canadian pricing and use the code podcast, forty two that's a numeric forty. A two one word at checkout to save. Even more on all ready. Great deals. Thanks giant, giant suit joy at all. All right. And Ecole next. So as we said before, if you'd like to call us about any upcoming topics questions comments concerns. Our phone number is eight one three seven zero eight nine seven one seven if you'd like to find out, what are upcoming topics going to be you can follow us at us on the official podcast, forty to show group page on Facebook. We post a lot of memes, we talk about coming topics, we ask for your suggestions. It's a very fun community just request to add. We're going to accept you just like to know how you heard about us. You can Email us at podcast forty two show at gmaiLcom every time you type in podcast, forty two it's the numbers for two so podcast, four to show at CI mail dot com. Fire? Find us on patriotic for exclusive content such as previous sprint sound checks, unpublished episodes or episodes, that are no longer available on the public domain. You can find them on our patriot. Check us out also on Spotify. Apple music speaker tune Institure Google podcasts. And we are probably a part of the Fadh Fahd, the pod, Vicks network, that's probably not the first we've done that either to afford pod fix network. We are very heavy. Community. Yes. Awesome. Well, I think that does it for couldn't o'byrne. I thought that was a fun show. Yeah. I was a little nervous about the topic or Mike. It'd be really interesting, especially the tonight show stuff. Was that because Jay Leno took it over and? Yeah, he makes everything better. Damn you, Jay. All right. Well, I'm Christopher. Kale, tropes. I'm laura. Stay fresh cheap tags. Al- celebrity voices have been impersonated foiling, all conversations, may or may not be one hundred percents accurate as well. We have attempted to revive you with the facts as best to our knowledge with the help of the case, Afia some old moon that tells stories down by the river with a PDF and old home made you to documentaries, do not use any gain you hold in this show to write a book report with you will get a bad grade. A really really, really bad grave, just like all of our hosts dick, when they were in school music was provided by clay, you can find more of his at Cray dot com. This has been a podcast forty two production. We had. In me. Be me. Was a podcast pod fix. More shows like it ought bits network. Oh, god. Crossing guard Jack Nicholson now co stars on the sci-fi most popular show sliders, and just released. Her first CD, shiny, please, welcome. Cari were. The contrast the energy with which you came out just even. Right. Follow. No, no. We have what would that? Yeah. Energy wise, energy wise, before he knows. I just can't stand him. Hiring TV. I love not really. I do. If you just one in six years, most awkward star to interview. He was really getting excited backstage and it's kind of a big fight right now. Are we eight personalities don't you had? Yeah. You hated him. You want him to retire? And he excited you backstage, always saying that this is last appearance. He's gonna retire. It's like you're right. I was just kidding women on the five hundred times they have a cake for you once a year something. I'm not funny. Huh. Yes, you are. That you on the plane. Okay. You gotta do about me on the point. And it's really dead. Tired? And I felt sleep and I had this dream. I was loaned it could, you know, that what you do, as you're going to sleep. Your comedies catches. But anyway. Sided three was so sincere. That was great. Stream. Okay. That I was really nervous about doing your show and everything wise to be going well. To be voting disdain. And now we're all right. In the beginning nothing happened yet. And so much for having good to see you. Okay. Stream dream. I n. And I drank that I gave you these pets dispensers. And you said why pets offenders? And I said, well, because you kind of remind me of, like I said, they should respond to sir. Right. Makes sense. I have an old folks fairness, I have a large head and my body contains candy, so. Handy. I mean you might as well be pad. An interesting candy stuff. Combat your neck, like if I was a candy, I'd be like those those little dot on the paper. You know that you like what is that, all of this idiot? Wait. Why would you be one of those candies though? Like an idiot candy. I don't put yourself down put yourself down. That's wrong. It'd be nice candy. I'm sure. Well, let's let's move on. We'll talk about your on celebrity jeopardy last week. I didn't see it. How did it go? Really? Yeah. Free much didn't go. Well, did you prepare? Did you study for celebrity jeopardy? The red light on top of the cameras. Remind me the Brady bunch, and I just kept staring at it as Alex trebek's was talking to me. I kept hearing Marcia go that bad route. I'm terrified now. Thing. Phone. The, the episode there's an episode where someone's scared. Anyway. Nothing. I got a dull for that. He's biting. Kind of like that. More often really close proximity. Add the front, my real wag. I'm like Dorf on golf. Yeah, just ahead. Coming out of something Vida, six four your prophetic legs. Yes. Yes. Very good. Four, I'm going to be a different fee. He. To me. Acid. Right. So you're on acid. Right. Neck. What we got CD here. We gotta talk about before we go. Saini is this are you doing is promoting right now that this like an encyclopedia salesman? I mean, it's hard in cool door to door trying to get people to buy because anytime Steven, thanks. Fame there for ten minutes. Not. Or is it like? Resuscitation. We're gonna take a break right now. And with you the tape. So car. You gotta come back some time because television, but it sure was compelling vision.

Nicole Coenen Christopher O'Br Conan Conan Letterman Leno Laura Carvey O'Brien David Letterman writer Jay leno NBC O'Brien Abbas NBC LIZA LIZA Powell Jimmy Fallon Brian Johnny Carson gray O'Brien New York City Tom Hanks EMMY award
156 - Mr. Cool & Nice - The Conan O'Brien Episode

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

1:23:30 hr | 2 years ago

156 - Mr. Cool & Nice - The Conan O'Brien Episode

"Right. Hundreds of college age men have been found embodies water clusters around the country, and in many of these cases smiley face is found near the recovery site, the police classified these as accidents drownings, but a team of retired NYPD. Detectives is reexamining the evidence and making shocking discoveries that could prove these cases are connected checkout smiley, face killers. The hunt for Justice this Saturday at seven on oxygen. Goodbye goodbye. And again. Welcome to our podcast. Welcome to our podcast. Right. Yeah. I don't know when it's okay. For me. Can I feel like now? Now, it's a good time. So, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first ever combo podcast of. My favorite murder combined with Conan O'Brien has no friends. Yes. How it's not really the title. All right on a needs. It. I'll you just accidentally says Conan O'Brien has friends. When I wanted to imply with my title was I have a lot of friends like some more. You intuited was Conan O'Brien has no friends, which is shockingly Klis tried again, this is take to this is where keeping that. Are you sure that was really good because my take to this is the first dill episode of my favorite murder combined with Conan O'Brien is shutdown Irish Catholic and emotionally stunted. Title, please vote with me on these things. So you can probably tell that. I am thin lipped very uptight Irish Catholic. Yes, there's a lot. But you know, what's interesting. There's a lot broiling inside. I didn't say boiling I said Braley from the top broasted. Did inside. There's a lot breasting. Right here too. That's right. He said craft. I didn't realize the all drink before. Just fine by me more than happy to get loaded with you, ladies, this is one of the more high stakes conversations. And we are when it's the lowest of stakes we fuck up concierge. So the fact that's now high-stakes it's like we don't pronounce things correctly. When it's the chiller version of podcasting. So now, we feel like we've been kicked up into like the ace, circle, I said were Chester instead of booster on the show. Yes. Just said were totally did you thought that was the correct version? Well, say it like you spell it, bro. You guys have been in the podcast game for a while. And you've got a killer podcast. So I'm the newbie so you should act like to funds ease to my Richie. Ralph mouth if only if only we could if only we could kick the proverbial. Well, I guess I am that leather jacket wearing Jewish motorcycle writing funds style person to begin with your claiming to be the fawns. Yeah. Sort of your hair, you could come that into the phone. Very beautiful hair Jewish camp with his daughter. He's a lovely man. He was so nice of the nicest men. Yeah. He really anywhere greatly one of us could think of his name. It's obviously had me Winkler. Everyone knows that that. It's Henry blink ler. Welcome. Okay. So there's no transition here that no we should actually have no transition. So we can take that part out if we want to beginning. Wait it. I don't add it anything out anymore. I think let the people here everything really here. How flawed we are. Yeah. Because I'm tired of people thinking some kind of Christ fake. Cut me. I do. I do resurrect when I do. Yeah. Welcome to the podcasting world. It's fun. Yeah. You made a splash. Yeah. It's been a lot of fun. I think after twenty five years of having to talk to people in very constrained circumstances. And I I loved that. I grew up watching that but seven minutes, and then you have to go to commercial break. And then you have to start it up again and being in a room with people and having a very intimate conversation and letting the part of your brain go that works in a writer's room, that's part of the creative process. And let it go unfiltered has been a real joy, we've only I don't really released five or I think we've released five and they've been really fun to do. That's been the biggest surprise is how much it doesn't feel like work to me. It's not right. Chatting and riffing. And yet we're making ten. Tens of dollars. Rolling monthly. More about me undies. Underwear? No. Yeah. It's really fun. And I think for you. It's good to because you're whenever you're interviewing people are talking to someone. It's about their career, and what they're got going on and whatever. Yeah. Whatever stupid movie that is coming out of what they're promoting stupid. Oh, no. Everyone's movies amazing. Amazing paramount put a chip in my brain. Years ago. So all movies are amazing. Great. I have a hard time watching. I I love tacos club your talk show. The interview part always makes me really nervous in the same way. That like watching an award show, the like speeches made me so uncomfortable encourage you're worried for I hope I'm worried for these people, right? Yeah. Well, I feel like when you're sitting in that seat. You have to do you have to pull off natural conversation, that's entirely planned. And you have to be a good enough actor to make it seem real you have to stay in the moments. You have to have a little bit of improv awareness, and you can't drive it too hard. I've seen people that I know that have gone on there and just really try to drive it themselves, which is always bad. It's there's so many ways to for it to go bad that I think there's a stress because it's just not a regular conversation a longtime ago about doing one of these late night talk shows or probably any talk show is the trick. People used to say you've got to figure it out. Figure out who you are. As to think will. That's not the case. What you're the trick is to figure out who you were all along be completely yourself. But in the most unnatural environment. I know you've worked for Ellen and it's lights, and it's cameras and audience, and you have to get out in six minutes, and it has to be on a laugh, then you get back into it again. And what I found is that it took me a while to figure out how to be cone in in that situation where that didn't feel weird. And then get to the point where I started hunting for. I don't wanna hear the prepared story hurts really good great. But I'm always on the hunt for the accident. Yeah. Or someone's sort of mispronounced something I'll say, wait. What was that? And then we go down a rabbit hole. And that's where the joy is. Yeah. And so if you can do that in that weird situation that takes a couple years to get to where you have that confidence. But the nice thing about this format, and I listened to a lot of podcasts. And I really enjoy. There's this ancient thing for someone tells you a story or people are talking in you fill in the rest, and we're so digitally obsessed that we think you have to see everything while it's happening. But I now listen to podcasts while I'm lying in bed and reminds me when I was a kid, and my mom there were six kids in our family. We are all in different rooms, I was in one of I was in a room with my my two brothers that were three of us, and my mom would put on records and she'd put on like a Bob Newhart record. We've listened to comedy records, and we would fall asleep, and it was someone telling his story. And so just having that in your ear having something in your ear inn year, filling it in is lovely when we get that all the time people saying, you know, you don't know me. But I feel like you guys are my best friends. It's because people obviously listen to podcasts when they're working doing stuff that I want to do when they're alone. On. So they are having experienced that like whatever the actual experience. We had when we were recording it they're having this then third party experience. It's kind of like filling up a part of their day that either they to dread it's a commute or it's work where it's making work better. And it's like, we we get all this credit when people like it so much, and it's also like you've made my commute go by so fast, or whatever it's like, we're just benefiting from the byproduct of people being able to be in their head. And it's not a visual medium. Well, I also think that you're making connections with people, and you I'm sure you've seen this. You've I'm sure you've done live shows. Yeah. Yeah. And you see when you do a live show people. Come and they have this connection to you too. Which is might flip you out. But they've been building that connection because it's extremely intimate when someone's talking to you, and they're listening to you sometimes in intimate situations like people are lying in bed or in their in their car alone. And I do think that there's something. There's a reason why podcasts they may not, you know, more people may watch the Grammys, but their connection to it is not that deep whereas people that connect to what you're doing. And how you're talking and what you're talking about. It's this mine shaft that goes really deep much deeper than other kinds of entertainment. I think that's what's really cool about this. Yeah. Yeah. I think when they say, I feel like I know you. You you're my best friend. It's like we're doing it. Right. And then you totally know us, you know, everything about me when I listened to you. I feel like I know both of you, and I'm very angry that makes sense you're two very good friend who betrayed will not let you talk. No matter. What you say? I keep talk. My listen to you guys. I keep talking and you're not talking back. We're Rudini become an array. What we're like in real life. Yeah. I actually used to have that where I was there's a couple podcast. I was obsessed with in the beginning. And I would fall asleep listening to them and then have dreams where it was standing at a party. And the the people who have the podcast would be talking and I keep going. Yeah. But like literally trying to break into a conversation for the entire dream. That's when you're like, you need a podcast where I haven't when I listened to podcasts fall asleep. When I wake up I realize I fell asleep during the podcast, which is fine because you wanna go to sleep. But then I have to go back and find out around where I lost. And that's really hard because I'm like, wait a minute. I think I remember this part. I gotta go further back. It's I slightly familiar. Exactly. Yeah. Sleep timer, man. That's leap timer function. Oh, because I'm you know, you wanna half hour back. Let me give you some technical. Let me tell you guys. This is where the tips part roles, the Spock enterprise at insomnia. So I sleep with. Yeah. Always podcast, you're constantly. Yeah. Nice murder stories night murder. Murder stories. Well, yeah, jam. Let's here. That's crazy. Lifelong fan. Okay. Tell you something about I have had a an everyone knows about me when I told friends that was coming on this podcast. They laughed. Not derisively not. They just laughed that. It's the perfect place for me to go because my entire life. I've been fascinated with murder and very morbid. It started with the Lincoln assassination. Well, and when I was four you were there. I was there. I know I'm older than you. Ladies. But yes that play was amazing in eighteen fifty. I was a child usher at Ford's theatre. But yeah, I was I was a member we took a a might my dad got us all to pile into the station wagon, and we drove to Washington DC. And he wanted us to see all the sites. I would have been I think six maybe, and we visited Ford's theater, and I was just I couldn't believe that someone got shot there. Let alone the president states. And then we went downstairs they showed. You could see the the gun. They have the bullet in the basement afford Sater. And then we went across the street to the Peterson house where they have the bed. An I was transfixed and just read books about the Lincoln assassination as a child over. And then in my family, they make fun of my brothers. Make fun of me because I always like my visit Hawaii and the big island, and there was some big battle that took place there, and they I was not paying attention, and we're up on a mountain, and I'm not paying attention on the guide said some say this day, if you look closely enough, you can see the bleached bones of the Hawaiian warriors and Iran and leapt leaned over the railing and my dad had to catch my belts the five hundred feet. My brother Luc was there, and he was just he. So everyone's always known that I've been credible freak for murder. And I was embarrassed about it for a while because I know so much about so many different murders. People start to talk casually about a murderer. I know something about and I start to say well. Was the ninth had a Cup or hill come on. And it's interesting. The blood type was be seen. On-scene whatever. And they it's gone to the point where I just finished a tour eighteen city tour in every city if you look hard enough at the right time of night, you will find forensic files. Yes. And that forensic and when I loved his that I was in one hotel where they had channel. It was just yoga and it was beautiful woman wearing super tight Lululemon doing. And I was like we're friends, and then I find forensic files, and they always pretty much tell you who the creep is who did it. But then he has a quote alibi. Yeah. Yeah. And then he end they they basically they tail him for a while. And they get his DNA, and then they they trap him. And then it's at the end crying. Yeah. And that voice over guy the most we used to know his name offhand. The worst though is that like it's so dated which I love dated crime shows because there's so many of those, you know, forensic, you know, the shit they use back, then it's the language excuses primarily show for children. My young my young daughters listening. Listens to everything got. China. Those are bad were not bad words. But they're not words using my okay. Got it there. The Catholic is are going to identify genitalium. Please don't I mean, what more is more fun than denting genitalia though around. Yeah. Oh, everything's dated hair. You know hair samples and all this bullshit. That doesn't hold up in court. Anyway, right all the stuff that they find always it's an acid wash jacket. Spoke of seagulls jacket left a trace. And so yes, it's very late eighties sometimes early nineties, but also those repetitive. If they can get a reenactment where young woman is wearing a red bra they'll show that thing for times. Yeah. It's just like, oh, no. It's like someone trying to fend off a knife. Don't really do that anymore. They've gotten everyone's gone. A little more hip disgusting. That is. Yeah. I do think one of my all time favorite shows was autopsy on HBO. And my only problem with that show is that they didn't make enough of them. They clearly started to run out. So when I had the late night show on NBC. I was so obsessed with that show that I got the forensic pathologist from that show. Yeah. I got him on the show. And all he did was tell jokes time. I got in there because I'm a huge fan of I love that show. And it was so graphic and. It showed you the autopsies in the photos and explain how it happened. So I got him on the show, and he told autopsy jokes forensic jokes the whole time, and they were really dirty forensic forensic dad jokes. Well, one of them actually, remember you can add it out if it's too much, but he was talking about they were doing not once. A forensic pathologist was doing an autopsy on a man they removed the sheet and the man the body had a giant penis. And he said to this female assistant will that penis remind looks reminds me of mine, and she said, the female pathologists said wait reminds you of yours is yours that big. And he said, no, but it's dead and lifeless, and I was then you burst into tears. No, I'm here to find out about murder not to here. But he clearly thought on Conan I better load up the old dick jokes. I better. Do the thing. I'm not good at on TV. And the thing that I am. That's a great show though. That's amazing. It's really graphic though. And you don't like you don't like the crime scene photos and the graphic stuff me. Right. Yeah. Well, I don't like I'll watch a TV show of it because I can just kind of turn away. And then when I turned back other stuff is happening, but I won't look up a crime scene photo just to stare at mangled bodies. I can understand that it just kinda sticks in my head. So I don't it me too. But I can't help myself again with the language. You're just going to have to keep saying she does it. This is my idea was that all of these air on Nickelodeon the next day. Oh, yeah. To have a podcast if you don't curse in it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All of them, clean Oprah. Super bowl. Sunday's Phil super fucking soul. Sunday was the original looking for a new show to binge. Your next crime obsession is smiley face killers. The hunt for Justice on oxygen. Have you heard of the smiley face killers? Hundreds of college age men have been found in bodies of water and clusters around the country. And in many of the cases, a smiley faces found near the body recovery site, the police classified all these cases as accident or undetermined drownings, but if team retired NYPD detectives want to find out if these deaths are connected, and if they're actually homicide they're reexamining, the evidence of six cases, and they're making some shocking discoveries that could blow hundreds of cases wide open. It's perfect. You'll have a good mystery. And detective who never give up on the hunt for Justice checkout smiley, face killers. The hunt for Justice this Saturday at seven on oxygen goodbye. Support for today's show comes from hellofresh. Make conquering in the kitchen and twenty nine thousand nine reality. Deliciously simple recipes from hellofresh each week. Hellofresh delivers premeasured ingredients and easy to follow six. 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How what I've said to my people. This is how much I'm into it. My wife found a company recently, we have this door. That's always blowing open that leads to our backyard. And so she went to get. We had a door stop that wasn't very good. She just happened upon a company that makes big wooden blocks that hold the door in place, and you can print anything you want. She's my wife of sixteen years. You think it'd be like a love you or Conan rules or something like that? For me for my birthday. It says murder. Because she knows him of szeswith murder. So people come in my head writer for the first time. He's been to the house before he hasn't seen this block. And he just held it up and went what? Says murder, and that's my that's one of my obsessions. I just feel like when you, you know, knock on wood Sunday Di she's going to be suspected based on that brick alone thing, I've always said is love murder so much that my goal is to either murder or be great. And people people have said that two people don't say that. I don't know. I really either want to murder I wished to be a murder victim. When I'm so into it that being a murder victim would feel like I'm part of this whole cool thing you've studied so long, and you so much work in time would know how to lie on my car. My shag carpet, just the right way. Okay. I've really put a lot of thought into it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, just because of all murders happen on shag carpet. Red brought. Me. Yeah. Don't ask what the panties. But I. Yeah. I just always been fascinated with it. Brought you here tonight to it's the game. We play on the show now called on them will kill you. Do you think growing up in Boston had anything to do with that with your Whitey Bulger's and the people that were around in that cold, join I'll tell you what he Bolger did not influence me at all. Okay. I was not really that aware growing up in the late sixties and seventies. I wasn't that aware of what he Bolger. I was very where the Boston strangler. And I heard a lot about the Boston strangler and one of the detectives who worked the case apparently lived sort of in our neighborhood down the street, and my mom would talk about him working on the case. And all I knew about that case. Because obviously it was not a case it was appropriate for a kid to be reading about. But I was always interested in it. And I always felt. Intuitively dissatisfied with the result of that case. Yeah. And then later on when I read about the case, it does not have the resolution that gives you satisfaction now. And so it's always in my mind and all of those murders happened around the time. Probably maybe shortly before I'm born I'm born in April of sixty three in Boston. But they all happen in the areas where my my family's my mother and father living in Belmont. And then they moved to Brookline, but it's all very close to where we were. And the ones that intrigued me are always the ones where I think in. I don't know what the answer is we don't. And I think there was a little bit of a sense in Boston like, well, we arrested somebody they stopped. He dies in prison. So we're done. Yeah. And you think I don't know if that would hold. Up today with today's forensic pathology DNA on that match him on eventually on one of the victims. But you know, there's however many eight other victims that don't have DNA match. I think you can't just blame all of them on him. Well, also, I feel like definitely back. Then there was so little oversight that any Cup could go put any DNA anywhere, they want because I think that was one of those things of like like comic book style of like, we got close this case the pressure's mounting. You know what I mean? Like in those those murders, especially were so graphically horrible. And like even hearing a little bit about the details cases, just like old women splayed. It's disgusting and horrifying. It's like end it, and we're not talking about it. I think the other thing too is now there's this Fistican about. Crimes that involve only women. There's this fisticuffs about male rage. Male inadequacy in Howitt's manifest itself with women, and there were certain things that whoever the Boston strangler was was doing to these victims, which was meant to humiliate them as women, and so clearly you're dealing with someone who's got. Incredible gender stuff. They're dealing with. And today, I think there'd be much more sophisticated about it. But if you look at black and white photos. You know of I mean, so many crimes back than you. See these sort of big heavy. Working class guys in heavy coats with gun strapped to their hips and their nine to five guys. And this is freaky. This is not this is way above what anyone can imagine. Well, they're still human beings. So like, no matter how grizzled detective, you are, you know, a lot of those cases that are like the really high profile ones like Richard speck, or whatever. Whereas like, the guys they immediately call in the guys that have the most experience and people are walking into that apartment building Chicago walking out and vomiting, and they're just coming in and out like as if they're being told to do it because it's the their levels and limits to even what experienced detective has experienced, and they were those people were saying things they've never seen ever feel like in the modern era. They've broken it down. So that. Scient- literally scientists go in and they're looking at things they're not looking at the whole picture. They're just there to see. I'm here just to look at you know, wet DNA evidence is on the scene while I'm here to look at with the gun splatter is with the blood splatter, as you know, on I'm here to look at. And so because they've been able to break it up into different categories. It might be more tolerable for people. I mean, I don't know whether is that a school shooting like sandy hook. And you think human beings had to go in there. And I I don't know how they can. I don't know how you can do that. And my have incredible respect for people that could do that. Yeah. Just think it's absolutely. And how do you do that? And I would if I had to do that. I would retire. Amelie afterwards percent. You know? I would just say, okay. I saw that. Elem no longer able to do this for living. Because those are also the like those cases are the extremes of of the business. You know what? I mean. It's not like thank God, those aren't. Yeah. As common. I mean, that's becoming less true. But I think especially for the I mean, some of those cases from the sixties or whatever the cops went in with members of the press like there is not only know taped off crime scene, and please be careful where you're walk. It was everybody come on through and take a look and smell it just happens. Like, the the the the more reason advancement of all this forensic stuff is like basically is kind of its opening all those doors, and then at the same time, it's kind of like making people realize how wrong it's been like it used to be if a guy went in and was there at the crime scene for the Boston strangler. He would see something horrible and be like no one's talking about. This do not take pictures like he would be making decisions as a human being. That were very bad for crime solving. You know, what I mean and thinking he was doing the right thing because this is a human being you know, what I mean like, that's he was doing what he thought was best. And now, we only now we know with the advancement of technology that like, no, no, no, nobody comes in. But we have to talk about it and has to be brought to the light of day because people need to know that this is a possibility. I mean, I think that's why especially these days. True. Crime is more and more people are going. Yes. I am interested in this. Because I felt like I was a ghoul before when nobody seemed to be interested in it. And now, I can say it now that it's like, quote, unquote at Trent thing where it is comforting to know that they're just people that are interested in this. What makes somebody as someone who was raised Catholic? And I think with a really good moral compass of always been fascinated by why would someone do the worst thing that you could possibly do? So why would someone do that? And then. I found myself just getting immersed in you know, McDonald like the green beret like what really have to what made him yet. What made him? I don't see it when someone quote snaps, and it was just in the news recently where someone. Kills his pregnant wife and three children, and and his children yet to children, and you know, you you can't help I can't help. But think as a dad I don't understand what gets you there. I don't understand. I've been an weighed. But I don't understand what gets you there. That's beyond. And we're used to thinking. Well, we're pretty smart. We can understand things. But what it's why of all the murder cases. And I've read I think I've read about so many murder cases, the one I've got a few that I'm really fascinated with one. I've never understood is the Jomon Ramsey. I don't understand it. I've read a lot about it. No explanation. Make sense to me even the one. I've the answer. I've settled on that. I think a lot of us have you know, what is your answer an accidental, you know, fatal blow by the brother, and the parents helped cover it up to not tarnish his entire life there on all this bullshit. Even that it's like kind of it's so far fetched in in like so far out there that apparent that? Parents would do something like that to their kid. But also, I thought she was. She's she might have been sexually assaulted history of it. Yeah. So then nothing makes sense. Now, what does and it's so tragic all around because the mom passes away. And you know, you think. You know, just to lose child. And then if you're if someone is being wrongly accused, that's yeah. No, inflicting more pain just that. So I don't know. I just so I get into this. I mean that one has every piece though, because it it's just as likely or like, percentage wise because they had so much money that they could be covering up, and the, you know, potentially somebody in that family is like associate past. They don't care they're they just wanna make sure that there should is covered and everything like the ducks are clear. No buying that someone came that. You definitely think it was someone in the house statistically, yes. Would say overwhelmingly someone in the house. Yeah. And the fact that the dad said, let's go searching, and he went down and found her. I is very Zesbaugh and the I mean this insane ransom. No. That's just has helped them. They've never been able to match up the handwriting. They matched to to her. Did. I don't think conclusively. But. Yeah. But the problem is then it's it's it's like basically small police force in Colorado Springs boulder boulder. And it's Christmas day. Right. So the the the most inexperienced people went to be the first people on the scene because everyone else was like I have time. I'm in stay home with my family and they from minute one began to botch it and then on top of that there's somebody who potentially now the could be entirely victims. And some weird thing happened someone broken. But also could be that there are people with the money and the resources to begin to cover things up and do things that like runs over when the ransom note says do not call the cops don't tell anyone they invite all their friends over which we know we know when someone kills someone they want someone else to find the body, right? You know leading him around the house, and they're not finding her body where he where he hid it finally almost on it. You thing about murder, which we've learned like a billion times is how money affects it. How much it is about class? Yes. So and this is clearly like a legitimate source of anger for you know, members of the American population that don't have money or they're they're a certain race. And they feel like no one cared. You know, thirty five of us could get killed. Anyone cares? And then a rich white person is murdered. And what happens is. Ironically, many people think it happened in the J case where because he was a celebrity as African American, but he's a celebrity and so because he's a celebrity they showed him so much deference, and they cut the interview off when they finally did get him and with a little pressure. He might have said more, but they they clearly cut that interview off. And I think it is very common. When people come into a house in a big house and fancy house and someone who has status is saying being polite to them they show them deference. And then you get you don't get the same result. As if you know law enforcement was going in and saying, hey, wait a minute. We're going to assume ninety five percent of homicides. It happened in a home. The person was killed by someone in the home. So you're going to treat everybody that way until we get the answer that probably doesn't happen if they're ruling in a rich name. Hood. It's I think it's an automatic bias. You know, that they have that they call them a high risk victims, you know, and they it's almost like when you call them high risk. It's like the you deserve it, a little more, and it's more likely to happen to you. So we're going to care a little less. Brought it on yourself. Right. I mean, we learned that lesson because liking true crime for so long. I never put it together realized it, but it's like these true crime cases, I was interested in are the ones that have been served up. So it's like you're John wing Gaze's in your Ed Giddins on your boss, stranglers and all these ones. But then as you look at it, you're like, oh, but you can go in and find just as many like the the grim sleeper was active in like south central for over twenty years. He just killed women whenever he wanted. However, he wanted people in the neighborhood knew everybody knew it's such a huge case that we've never covered it because it would take so much research for twenty. Three years serial killer when most of them work for like five Macs. And if he's operating in Brentwood, California. Blond, ladies disappearing. Exact totally different story. But this is like it's it's things like that were I know wariness of it until we start telling these stories, and then realizing these are the stories that got brought that the media knows if it's a blonde little girl that gets murdered people will buy more newspapers. Or or at least that's the story, they tell us on themselves, and so those that's the way things get prioritized, and the story of the grim sleeper is isn't about it's about it's about compl- tilles complacency and negligence, it's not about this serial killer. You know, I mean it is. But it's about victims mattering or non. Yeah. It's funny because this brings up one of my one of the tropes. I've noticed most about any murder show. Whether it's you know, could be forensic files. Could be American Justice. It's it could be a dateline all of these shows begin the same way. They had the perfect life. I've noticed this over and over again, they always described these people as having the perfect life, then look on to describe the life. And a lotta times you'll think we'll wait a minute. They had the perfect light. He was you know, a successful biology teacher, you know, she was a stay at home. Mom, they had a small lake house. They had it all. But lurking behind the American dream was American tragedy. And I think they love to set it up as they had it all, and I think Americans in probably this probably is worldwide or it may be unique to America. We love to think that this person quote had it all in the shorthand for that. I think a lot of times is that you know, this white couple that owned three cars and a boat and they lived in a house with more than three bathrooms in. They had it all and that's shows no understanding of mental illness, just, you know, domestic abuse domestic abuse, a substance abuse, it shows no understanding of any of that. And so they love to start with that. And someone could literally be. Almost homeless and these shows will say. He had a stir no Ken had a hot dog. And he had one shoe. He was living the American dream three cars, right? Everyone thought he slept in three cars. But then it all went sour when he strangled someone. Well, okay. You know, it I to me that is the that is the trope they keep handing us over and over again in that we seem to love. And I think it's why the jump in cases huge. Why initially? You know, the there was so much shot and Freud with the Sharon Tate murders at first because everyone thought with his beautiful movie star and the wife of this great director Rome plant ski, and you know, this this hairstyle is to the stars in these rich people are butchered. So it must be their fault. And it must be they had it all. But of course, they were having drug-fuelled orgies drug dealer paid them back. And it's so heartbreaking to watch the footage of Polanski. This is when everyone's still believe that long before anyone thought at the is and cross the t's which led to Charles Manson and his family. They're all he's they're saying that was not Sharon that was not her as she didn't drive pregnant incredibly good, and he's telling them all and, you know, the press kind of isn't buying it because they're like well. Yeah, you. Just did Rosemary's baby people are sick. And this is an and it was a refusal to believe in the sad randomness about that. Sorry, but that doesn't sell enough magazines either the story as they were trying to sell it is the combination of a celebrity magazine, and like pulp Hoer magazine. It's like it's the perfect story. The way they were telling it in that way. Whereas like, do you like celebrities have orgies do at Tanah drugs? Also, are you interested in murder will he this has everything? Instead of like, this is Hugh, this is massive human loss. I wonder if there's part of it too with those people who have everything and get it taken away. Which is why the stories are so good is that we, you know, kind of love to see those people get everything, you know, we love to see the downfall. Because it makes us feel better about are not having certainly wanna say part of people that want, you know, want to say. With with Klaus von Bulow, sunny von Bulow. Okay. I may not have would they have and they have so much. But look what that leads to. Yeah. So I'm content with with what I have. And that's why I say it's there's this shout and Friday to you know, almost, you know, it's it admits ancient to goes back to one of the most famous murders of all time is Caesar and Caesar's Caesar is one of the most famous conquerors of all time and he stabbed by all of his friends in the Senate and stabbed by one of his best, friends and dies in. It's like one of the most. It's very well considering that it happened almost two thousand years ago, it's such a well documented murder, and it really was. Well, look out for you know, if you fly that high. Yeah. And you try and become. To powerful. That's what happens. There's almost a comfort. I think people take from it. Then you're sitting on your little plug couch. And you're you know, like watching a special on it. And you're like, I'm fine. I don't wanna fly that high. Would never let it matches your shag carpeting, and you know, you'll plan couch out there. But you're less likely statistically to be murdered. If you own a plaid couch to know that is that true. No. But what I wonder if there if I was a celebrity, and, you know, an affable, and you are let's say an affable celebrity. Okay. Let's start just murdering on a massive scale. Does that put me on that puts me in the books, doesn't it some kind of record book? Do you want to be in that record book? I don't wanna be. Pull the knife out. Just like. They're putting pictures of me. And they're like this is Conan. We all know who he is not out there. We think he's headed to Pika. Nope. He's headed north and I'm just going on a spree. What about instead if you just start showing up to crime scenes before the cops get there? Let's pretend you scanner. And it works leave your okay, leave some of your hair at the crime scene. So they can tie to me. My hair is everywhere. Have a lot of it. And I leave it. You know, my I have another theory alongside your shouldn't free to theory and mine is because this is just my personal interest aspect is. I want to I want to see is Scooby doo. I will call it. The Scooby theory is I wanna see the monster among us unmasks. So like all those datelines when it turns out to be the doctor husband who is there on dateline to tell you. He didn't do it with his weird dead is his lack of affect in any way. And you're like hit him. Like, you're getting weird cold chills through the TV because you can tell this person's not right? And they are pro socio or psychopath. We could debate the term that's supposed to be used. But they clearly don't they think they're smarter than everybody. So they know it's fine that they go on the TV show because they're going to dictate reality. And that's the life. They've always lived to me. That's the most fascinating one. And that's sometimes why I am cheering for it to be this person that oh, that's so sad. If he's being maligned, but also it would be. Amazing if it's him because the double life leading double life and the second life being you being total monster. I think is so fascinating. So for example, Jeffrey McDonald, a green beret, you guys are both like he did that. I think so. Yeah, they've come out a million times different ways that he didn't do it. And I think no, I don't understand it. Right. I honestly don't understand it. I don't understand what you know. What gets you to chilling your wife and children like that? They see it all the time. It's really simple. It's these people, you know, it's the thing there too tightly wound than they snow. No. And I think actually the were I think that we call it snapping, but it's not fair to the victims who who would testify that. No. He was always this narcissist. He was always contrive. It wasn't him snapping. It was him like, you know, still having control over over a people over his life, and he didn't want to be in this marriage anymore. He didn't want these kids anymore had other fucking ideas, and plans and fairness viz makes me so. Crazy when so many murders, so many murders are a guy who. Yeah, I you know, I met this. I met this girl at the Bank, and she's really hot. And I've got this wife and kids and well only one thing to do. Merger think it's a minute. I have another idea you go to your wife, and you say, we got a problem, you know, and you go through a messy divorce, and I know that that's terrible say, but guess what it's so much better than going to commit murder and see that's when he percents chance I get away with this that napping. I don't think it's nothing. I think that person in his entire life has done what he wants. And does what he needs to get his way. So that's something that you, and I can't believe because we're not like that growing pretending nuts. Right. You're doing great. That's right. But you're eventually going to reveal. I'm very good at putting on the affect of someone who really understands what you're saying. And is appalled. It's the hand gestures that worked for me. I am using these hand gestures that show that I'm a creep. Everyone's gonna say we would have never suspected cone. And we've ever is it possible that I came on this pod. Cast to talk in depth and sensitive way about murder to use that as evidence later on when I murder. Yes. And you. And you'll be like gonna know he talked in a very sensitive way about murder now. Did he did he hear on her? I want to go on the record. I always thought it was a creed. Fucking. Did it I will testify against immediately. I'll slip sociopath. I think you're both in love with me. You won't slip on me. There's a there's a murder case that I became enthralled with and I actually be I took it to the next level. Which was when I was a writer and Senate live. There was this. America's most wanted that came out, and it was for John list. Yes. And John lays the best famously John list is this guy who. Had I think probably a problematic marriage. He had all these kids. He was very sort of fundamentalist orthodox religious, and he. Really he bought this massive mansion in New Jersey and couldn't really afford it. Then lost his job. He's having trouble. He's worried that his daughter is becoming sexually active is worried about his kids and losing control this family. He pretends to go to work every day that I that. So IRI he gets up everyone who's lost his job, but he goes to the train station, and he eats a sandwich reads books, and then comes home at night after his quote, long hard day of work in the whole time is doing it. No money's coming in the debts rising, and he starts to think of his plan. So what he does is he gets gun. And then he starts his morning by getting up killing his mother who lived in on. The attic kills his wife than waits one by one for his kids to come home and kills them all shoots them, and then drags all the bodies in the living room drives to the airport. I think drives JFK airport. Takes off. This is before there were like digital records of where you're going, and you don't need to show an ID casual airport. This is back. Yeah. Long in the old days good old days when a murderer could really leave space, and he leaves, and it's such a creepy story because nobody knows he had written notes to the school saying I'm taking the kids out of school. So slowly it's getting closer and closer to Christmas. The light start to go out in the house because they burn out and people notice it, and then finally policemen are called they break in the areas thing is that there was a sound system in this big mansion that was playing sort of like imagine Bach. Kind of funereal weird. You know, not weird but creepy to hear at night or kestrel funereal music and the cops break in it's dark in here this music, and they come in and they see all the bodies lined up. He's nowhere to be found. So America's most wanted does a do like a sculpture of what he would look like today. It turns out to be very accurate. Someone season says that's my neighbor. They arrest him. He has married again. And this is twenty some odd years later, maybe twenty five years later, he married again. He was starting to have trouble with her. As they will. They arrest him. He denies it until they see these identifying scars so they put him on trial in New Jersey. I'm a writer on Sirnat live, and I hear about this. And I'm just electrified by this story. So in my downtime SNL I start driving to the courthouse. Yes. Downtime. It's called summer. Wait a second. You pretending to have a job at believe every morning and go to court housemate your sandwich there. Would come back and my girlfriend at the time was like no snow money coming into now. Then she killed me stronger. But no, I went to the trial what because I was staring at this guy. And I was looking at John list, and I was staring at this guy and trying to see the evil. See it, and you know, what completely uninteresting? Yeah. A schlub a guy who I mean, I don't. There was no there. There was nothing there that satisfied me. And so I watched the trial forbid, and he just sat there, and then proceeded to be found, obviously guilty of this, you know, multiple murder. There's no death penalty. So he sentenced to life in prison. He later dies. But he gives a lot of interviews afterwards. And he says, you know, I'll see them in heaven, and we'll talk it out like a favor to his his rationale was they're going to go to hell if they keep going the way they're going. So I'm doing them a favor by murdering them. Yeah. But that was just I mean, and I am also drove to the site of the house which had burned down after the murders. No one. I don't think would live in the house. So it burned down when kids choose to break into it. Also it on down and they built a new house there. So I went to the site of the and this is before you could wicked. Pius stuff is before you could use Google maps found where the house was. So I'm a creep. This. I think this is the. The life blood of being interested in stuff like this. It's almost like we know these secret dirty stories, and there's only a handful of us that wanna talk about it. So that when we're talking just like the entire time is so hard not to basically sing it along with you. Because I did the story on our podcast. I know every word he's saying, it's the the the great onery irony. The tiffany. Late. So he's in debt. That's it. Well, I'm doing pretty well. The court. There's. Guess what? I didn't see you guys there. Hey, but there was a Tiffany original Tiffany skylight, which if he had known that he could have sold it and Ben out of debt. Yes. And and actually. More than out of debt. He would have had. He would have had a nice profit. If that was an script they'd be like you have to take that part out. It's cheesy. It's too simple. At the end. They would just have at the end of the story. They would have everyone's cleaning up the crime scene. That's interesting. What's up? What are you doing that skylight? So what big deal Tiffany? What are you saying that's worth over a hundred and forty thousand dollars really low yoed twenty. That's why killed everyone. Yeah. We'll shame slow. This guy box on heaven. This is what I love about. He was boring guy who you couldn't see that. You'll in him, which I love I'll be at a grocery store or like a party and lean to my husband who is not into murder at all like who. Here. Do you think killed someone because chances are one hundred people someone fucking killed someone which random person that looks totally normal. Do you think it is? And it's just like, I don't know. It's like electrifying me that that's what that's really what humanity person is your husband. He is the last person would suspect did. Cool. Nice. Yeah. That's the way. I would play casual hands serious casual hand kill Lincoln, one of the most acclaimed actors of our day John Wilkes booth him into the box. He'll be okay. George Clooney shot the president then ran away. Yeah. So I mean, I think it's terrifying to us that you know, that these people can. Seem so normal. I no. And then later on you're looking for this reason everyone's looking for this chip, and they never get it. Like, what's the ingredient? And there isn't one. Yeah. There's no one little thing that you can identify that that shows up on a cat scan. Yep. You got that your murderer? There's not accepted you hit your head as a kid a lot that maybe very common. Jerry Lewis would have been. We don't know. He wasn't. We don't know them for a while seven. I did see that was still fishes activity for us. Now, Madison Reed is hair color reinvented. Giving you gorgeous salon-quality colored delivered to your door for less than twenty five bucks. Remember, it's twenty nineteen. Now, remember don't have to choose between outdated box color and the time expensive salon cracked it. In Italy, by master colorist, Madison Reed is professional hair color. You can easily do at home. It's multi tonal ammonia free and made with ingredients. You can feel good about its right? Your hair comes out healthier than when it was before you colored. I which I love that's a really nice feeling, especially when you die your hair, and then it looks shimmery and shiny and loan. I find your perfect shade from Madison Reed expert colored consultation or take the color quiz. I did that at school at Madison dash free dot com. My favorite murder listeners. Get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color kit with code, my favorite murder favorite murder at Madison, dash dot com. Goodbye. Turn your dream into a reality was squarespace where space makes it easier than ever to launch your passion project. Love passion. Whether you're looking whether you're looking to start a business, showcase your work published content. So products or more square spaces the tool for you. 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Now, do you know if this my whether or not it's of interest of you? I'm not sure. But people who are a podcast have decided to call themselves murdering os, which is actually a word that was taken from the Simpsons. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes. Somebody saw in. I think it's a Halloween episode of the Simpsons Flanders comes over. And he's like you say has to be Netflix. He adds nose to everything. Yeah. And so they call themselves that just saying seems to be faithful that's true that you are actually one would be the Simpsons writers that I knew back in the day have written there in a long time. There would be a number of them that would be murderer files. Just when you're in a writer's room constantly is you know, they're constantly looking for. Can we talk about something other than the script? We're supposed to be breaking. Yes. When we please. So if someone brings up a murder and people have theories that will take precedence over how do we get Bart out of this ice cream? Way way. More interesting to talk talk about is there like all I wanna talk about his cO cases and theories, and I don't I want to hear everyone's theory. I don't think I'm right ever. It's just the most fun conversation to me, especially because nobody wants to have it with you except a few of your select friends and people, you know, there was a good. I mean, I was obsessed with the JFK assassination. The one does a kid and then. This book was written called case closed and the author is second. But it came out nineteen Ninety-three Disney such a favor because I read it, and it it's so logical. When you read it, and this is going to get people angry because you cannot reason with conspiracy theories, and I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but you read it in it shows you case closed. Oh, there could only be one answer one answer, which is we Harvey Oswald. He worked in the book depository before. There was even a plan to go to Texas be any itinerary and conspiracy theorists. That's eight hundred people in the Pentagon got him into the you know, they did. Now, they didn't he's. He's a violent person he buys a rifle. He had a history of trying to kill you know, a right wing. A political leader, and he has a history of being this erotic troubled person. And you know, eighty goes to be goes to see and it's not super hard shooting on those as everyone says it is. And so that's going to get a lot of people saying, wait a minute. You've been fooled by the establishment everything. But I don't know pose think his name is Posen just wrote this great book called case closed. If you read it, and he says in the beginning, I wanted to crack this and find the murder because then I'd be really rich and famous. And the conclusion I came to against what I wanted to find was that there's no other explanation. What do you think is like is scarier more like earth shattering to you that it's just this one fucking little bit was able to change the trajectory of our entire fucking lives for generations. And generations. We don't want that to be true. It'd be so much better. If there was this insane background Lena this insane conspiracy. Because we just don't wanna think that this fucking asshole. Did you know is able to be the history always turns on this latest little flap of a butterfly's wing, you know, and I think that's something. We are very uncomfortable with the idea that we are walled with really crappy rifle, no real assassin. Would by that rifle with a bad telescopic sight. You know and happens to work that building and all the president's going by don't even think there's no evidence he had animosity towards Kennedy. It was just an opportunity. Well, what's also crazy as there's so many it makes you realize that say if that authors raider that really is the ultimate truth. We'll never know. But because there are so many conspiracy theories because if you analyze anything there's always the lady in the polkadot dress. There's always not just a red herring. But like an entirely feasible theory that standing there waiting that anyone can fellow, you know, I have a theory that if you put enough attention on any small event. You can start to take tonight. For example. I was eating at a restaurant nearby thought it was much closer than I was. And I'm always on time. I'm punctual person very punctual than doing your podcast. I don't want to be rude, but administer restaurant, and I'm with two friends of mine who work at the show. And I thought we were right next door to where we tape the cast because I've been here before we leave. And then we're but relate. And so let's say something of historic significance happened right now with the three of us, and it was just. Yeah. Exactly. Sociaux? But if you start to break down kilkare him, but no if you start to break it down and be like, wait a minute conspiracy theorists like Conan, ten minutes late. He said he was you know, didn't he was lakes? He didn't realize how far away your wool studios was Conan's taped at here. Wolf many time. We know historically, he's always on time. And he's he's on time. But wait a minute. He's Bennett here wolf. So then that's the thing. And then it's wait a minute. You know, isn't that weird that and then you start to break down like pick fifteen random things, why did he bring his head writer and his digital guy that night, you wouldn't need them for the podcast. What was going on? And then you start to go more into it. Which is why were you wearing that watch? We're a lot of. But why that one tonight you can start to tease apart anything? And that is what? Humans. Do our brains are very good humans at finding patterns. The only problem is we're really good at finding patterns that aren't there. And that's where a lot of wait a minute. There were nine people in Dealey plaza with blow blow darts, and you know, mortar shells and thirty five different rifles. And if you look at all of our stones movie what he's really kind of positing at the end involves about seven hundred fifty people. All all the way to the time, all of whom would be instantly famous and rich. They went on Oprah anytime in the eighties and said, okay. Here's what happened any other children their spouses anyone like. All well, however, though, have to admit, sir, hands are hand, a straight up fuck in MS thirteen mind control, right? I don't know. I listen to that. I wasn't to the podcast on. On that one. And I think you don't I mean, I don't I don't buy that now than I he was in the kitchen at the embassador, he fired the gun and then admitted to it has a dire that says RFK must die and if they've managed to make conspiracy theory out of that which involves him being a robot. Yes. Which had an interesting interestingly involves the plot of the Frank Sinatra movie almost to the letter you think give robot Frank Sinatra. Yeah. That son of a bitch should be going down that guy language, please. I think also what's interesting these days because a social media, and there's so many it's almost like all the conspiracy. There's are together on message boards now just proving each other. Because to me, that's what most of all the true crime talk on any of those kind of websites are now read it or whatever it's people going. We'll here's this theory and trying to pass that along and people just being like, boom, boom, boom. And having the proof in that. Here's the yearbook. Here's the year. Here's the police report. And that's there's all these people that are now acting like they work for police departments because they can just go through files, and they have the access. It's fascinating. So it's almost like Kerr tailing some of that. I hope so I think as I you know, we live in this. Autumn's razor the most obvious answer is usually the right one. And I think we have this need that that's too obvious. So there's a reason I, you know, what's interesting to me is that the police detectives real season detectives, they're usually working off probability. So they know when a when a we've all heard the nine one one calls where a husband's like, I just came home. My wife, I don't understand my wife, and when they get there, they know that now sometimes this is to the detriment of solving the crime, but the overwhelming majority of the time is they're working off of you know, what I've done this a thousand times. And so we really need to drill down on this guy. I eliminate him because eighty five percent chance this. Guy, and he has a story about a guide rest of Santa Claus coming down the chimney with a machine gun, and he just got home, and he was decided to go and get a hamburger at three in the morning, which he never does drill down on that guy and work off of statistics. I and I think that's why season. Detectives are so good at most the time we've gotten past the days of like the as you said earlier like the Lindbergh kidnapping where. Where the the police and the press show up at the exact same time and everyone's walking around smoking cigarettes, filming it tech touching every touch everything. And Charles Lindbergh is saying I'm taking charge of this case so respect Charles Lindbergh at they let him, and it's just a mess. I also think it's interesting the maybe reversal of that which is those experienced detectives that when they come face to face with a true psychopath don't recognize it because they're the perfect cloaking animal that those they're like we don't like him for it doesn't give he doesn't make the hair on the back of my next stand up, whatever we're comes back. Effect or the and then the opposite is I was in. The husband isn't grieving that the way that they expect someone to grieve. And so they look at the or they look at the husband as the person who did it. He's crying. Right. That's also a mean, that's disturbing. When people have to mourn, a certain your or your murderer. Unfortunately, I mean, they are most of the time. Those people, and then you when you look at the shows later on it's showing to see the footage when later on when when they've later on confessed, and they've they're in they're doing a life sentence. And they finally say I did it and you go back and you look at them saying just want her back. Yeah. I know she's out there Steph. If you can hear me, it's you look at them. And you think I, you know, that's. Do that either. But I feel if you've ever taken a like a scene class in north Hollywood you see that acting in. You're like, no, no, no, this isn't real because it's no one is that good of an actor unless excuse me. I was trained in north excuse me. That is why I'm coming right now. I took those classes to become a merged to become the murder that you want to be. Don't you wanna do you have a head shot? Need to learn how to say Steffi Steffi not the play. Thinker prints off too. That's real creepy. So creepy in your face into a smooth surface. Why I hate and I'm among call so much just the acting is so bad when it someone that's guilty and pretending it's just the most cringing horrifying like people. Don't act like that. When there truly in panic, and I. Outing. I'm dying to thing where we play, you know, three nine one one calls of a husband and two of them. Didn't do it in one did. And can we fucking tell which one didn't do it? You're swearing listen. Offensive. So with my prese. No. But I think that would be also here with you head writer. He's busy Murray. No that would be chilling because we'd all get it wrong. Totally. And and you know, I think I mean imagine being on the jury of a murder case you would and knowing that it must be so hard. Because unless I'm guessing if you're in that experience in the person clearly did it, but whatever sponsor -bility to have to look at people and say, no, they're lying. And so I will help you either be put to death or go to life for prison comes down a lot of times to who can afford a good defense attorney. You know, it's like who has a prosecutor better than the defense attorney because that's that's gonna decide at more than did. You actually do it skews me. Pretty standard actually in the navy. We are we setting. This is the podcast enlisting with Karen, Georgia. We should have told you earlier. He's so many I on. I have a little these oils that help me from fainting. Vapors fan swearing's upsetting vicious murder. Nice through size, not you're there. I'm there. I'm there for murder, but. That's not how I raise. Fantasy when you. When you told the story of John list, and you were gonna smell I thought he was a really good gag. He come up with stuff so fast. I thought in my mind I began to see a sketch like one of those fake commercials of something that had to do without spinning head. Because that I saw that happen real time on three dimensional wax clay head. It was so it's such a specific visual ever do anything with did. You know, we didn't do never doing without someone else. Did. Okay. I was fascinated by that that they into and it worked really came up with this is what he should look like at a neighbor said, guess what? That's gary. Yeah. Let's Gary very he's a he's local murderer himself on this. And that's totally. On me wouldn't be John Lewis. No way. Should we do a fucking array skews me the name of the segment we always closed the show with a thing that we're really happy about. Oh, yeah. So we try to do the positive version of. Yeah. Just anything to counteract the story when we tell to murder stories in a row than we feel like it's a good idea to kind of mentioned something that you're stoked about. That's not death. Yeah. Do you think you have one of those anything bring joy, you can go third. You just mentioned, and this is just came to me. But I've got this new podcast. Conan O'Brien needs a friend, and you can just get it anywhere where podcasts are free, and you swipe up and there's no murder on this podcast. But it's a lot of fun. And I think you'll enjoy it Conan O'Brien needs friend available wherever but casts are free. That was gonna be my. Podcasts. And also I try to keep the swearing to a minimum. Good luck with that. You're keeping your podcast. The original name was Conan O'Brien needs a fucking. I think he would've would've done better. I think you're right to say a fucking hurry. This week for my favorite new podcast Conan O'Brien has no front, which is this funny. Little thing. This guy's doing. He's short. He's got dark hair. Really? He's the opposite of the literal opposite. Conan o'brien. Wow. That's have any just talks. Let's see. He doesn't say a word. He just mutters and he, but he's very sexually liberated. Issues. Single way. I don't know. I just I think most humans are good. I'm going to say that seriously. I do think most humans are good most humans don't murder, it's the it's the tiny minority of us that do murder, and I think most people respect him in life. And I think I mean, that's something don't you think that's something we should end on as positive percents. Hold onto that. Yes. You know? Sorry. Let's fuck in hold onto that. Because I think that's what's on that. But. I wanna say mine this week for real is. I just watched yet another cloak loyal ear implant video where Baid no, not the the operation happening. Oh, the baby for the first time here. It's mother's voice. I'm telling you you lineup like four of those and you'll be good to go for the day. You'll be crying. But it's the most beautiful like maybe that does kind of circle back to podcasting. But it's the heat the human voice the effect. It has babies and people who haven't heard anything, it's so magical to watch someone experienced that for the first time, it's beautiful. It's really good. And I invented it. That's beautiful. I think the only thing that I can top that. With is. If you see a really good Colombo with Peter fall from the seventies, really one more thing. I mean, I would watch that over all. And he did it with a frigging glass. I and just jacked up teeth. Exactly true. No one else can do that. I'm sorry to say, I'm sure your thing is moving to with the kids and the hearing. I mean, maybe you're he's on his game. Thing is I'm sure it's great on your pocket. Listen when I do is challenged people and make them feel bad about their choice. Right. My podcasts. Cool. Cool. Well, we're sociopaths. So good luck with that. There's a chance one of you murder me. I'm just trying to figure out and it's going to be. Not. Although I'll get you out. What if that were held up in court? Well, we find no choice. We must let you go. Which should we give him the sociopath test? You may have heard of this all ready. Okay. I'm ready to go. Oh, it's probably because I'm entertainment business. That's that's a woman goes to funeral. Yes. I don't think I got this right yet. One goes to a funeral. That's like a family member there. She sees a very attractive, man. And she doesn't get his fingers. For non remember? And she doesn't get his info a month later. They're another member of her family dies and there at the funeral together. Again. How did the? More. This is a test of us telling stories you guys are terrible Inc. In your this is your specialty right is describing crime and murder. So wait a minute. Let me see if I can do this. Okay. Someone has lost a family member. Right. So they go to the funeral. Yes. And there's this handsome person there. The next time they go they see that. They've lost someone else. Who's also from their family. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Maybe they see that same person that person that they're seeing is in the casket that person is dead now. Not great. It's really not a great. I don't get this wording is incorrect. But essentially, it's the socio about test because they said people who are sociopaths will get it immediately. And they'll go they killed their other family members. So they could meet that person. Again, you didn't tell it, right. Yeah. I didn't I didn't tell them. I didn't tell this. I've killed people to get closer to people. This doesn't count. You know what I've looked into confessions in podcasts. Not admissible. It's a it's a podcast. That's popular with millennials. It's not admissible. I feel us. That's pretty cool. Yeah. No. I know I've done this nothing you're cooler than being popular rails, though. That's right. Well, they're all freelance, generally, they're all listening there will hats unicycles, and they're. Mustache, raise mustaches in razor scooter and they're eating their cashews. I don't know. Why said cashews it has no doesn't apply. Delicious funding that was a the plug. Wasn't it for your new cashew company? Are you working for big cash? I'm in the pocket of big out. Thank you for being on really fun. This Anki for having me. I do mean it light to come back because I murder as been asked anyone who knows me. It's the theme in my life surprised. And I love that knowing that we would love to talk to you more because I feel like we barely scratch this. I have so many murders. We can talk about. So that was a yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. The sad thing will be when your listeners complained why is counting on for the ninth time. That's awesome. You'd be are like Burt Reynolds was a regular on. Carson so many people were regulars on Carson's trip Reynolds, buddy. Hackett? I'll be there, buddy. Hackett? Okay. Yeah. That suits humour. George segal. Oh, yeah. Claire. Didn't do come. On course, Daley. Okay. What? It can be one of the two Carson nine times. That's impressive. Cancel cancel it. Are we are we wrapping it I think so so you're incredibly confusing ten fail. It was a test. And you know, you guys test because you couldn't tell it failed. Together, we together, I think that's the joy of podcast. Stay sexy and don't get murdered give. L this. You wanna cookie? Cookbook. Your next year. Crime obsession is on oxygen hundreds of college age men have been found in bodies of water in clusters around the country. And in many of the cases smiley face is found the recovery site, the police classified these accidental drownings, but at team of retired NYPD detectives is reexamining the evidence and making shocking discoveries that could prove these cases or connected checkout smiley, face killers. The hunt for Justice this Saturday at seven on oxygen goodbye.

murder Conan O'Brien writer NYPD Boston Lincoln America president Braley Winkler Ralph NBC Henry Bob Newhart Ford Washington HBO Senate
Introducing The Three Questions with Andy Richter

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

03:23 min | 1 year ago

Introducing The Three Questions with Andy Richter

"Hey everybody Conan O'Brien here. This is not a regular episode of counter. Brian needs a friend today. I'm actually going to play a clip from another show. You see my old pal. The Andy Richter got himself his own podcast if you haven't heard it already it's called the three questions with Andy Richter. Andy has three questions. He likes to ask people. Where do you come from? Where are you going? What have you learned? And he thinks that <hes> when these questions are answered you get a complete picture of who someone is so far. He's had guests like broad cities Abby Jacobson. Natasha Leone from Russian doll and new episodes come out every Tuesday. I like to say drop every Tuesday because then I get street cred anyway. Take a listen to this special trailer and subscribe to the three questions with Andy Richter now on stitcher apple podcasts or wherever you listen give this Andy Kid. Get a chance he's a young punk and he's going places. Hello I am Andy Richter and I have a new podcast called the three questions with with Andy Richter. It's basically an hour long interview format and it's asking the questions that I have always liked to ask people on the Conan show in the commercial break the sort of things of like what was your childhood like and what your workplace. Workplace like and how do you feel about how your life is going so the three questions are where do you come from. Where are you going and what have you learned and it's basically just a way to sort of? Get conversation going about people's lives. It's very therapeutic. I think you'll enjoy it a lot. The three questions with Andy Richter is out now listening stitcher apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Eighteen cocoa production in association with Hello. This is Matt Goalie. I just wanted to let you know that you can listen to add free episodes. Episode of Conan O'Brien needs a friend only on stitcher premium for a free month of stitcher premium go to stitcher premium dot com and use Promo code CONAN everybody. It's Aaron and Bryan Shade We. He's had our four hundred episode and we threw a huge party with some of our favorite past guests poonam Patel Ryan O'CONNELL Paula Tomkins Dave Holmes Rana Glickman and more so if you love spontaneously breaking out into song take to the theater take a Kendall and it will blow front characters were giving me one hundred percent strudel boy from toaster strudel when I go to school eat my toaster struggle.

Andy Richter Andy Conan O'Brien Andy Kid Conan CONAN Natasha Leone Abby Jacobson Brian Dave Holmes Rana Glickman Aaron Matt Goalie Kendall Paula Tomkins Bryan Shade one hundred percent
RE: The Sex Talk & Suicide - with Conan O'Brien

Pen Pals with Daniel & Rory

59:58 min | 1 year ago

RE: The Sex Talk & Suicide - with Conan O'Brien

"Marines more fit okay. Seven hundred okay. Hey guys ran in j let all of our San Francisco fans know that we're GonNa do alive dumb people town as part of sketch fest. We've wanted to do this. We worked it out. We're so excited to it. We've never done at this theatre. Although John I did alive Dr Cats at this theory. And it's beautiful. The Marines Memorial theatre seven thirty pm on Friday January seventeenth. We're GONNA have great guests great musical as it's going to be an amazing show. This is the biggest venue we've ever done for dumb people town up in San Francisco. We WanNA fill it. It's over five hundred seats so if you've come to dump people towns and you know how much fun they are at Cobb's now we gotta get you guys to rise up. Double the crowd Mattel. Tenure friends come on out. We WanNa see you there townies and people who love podcasts costs from the San Francisco area. You'll love this. It's Friday January seventeenth seven thirty PM Marines Memorial theatre if you go to sketch Fest Dot Com if you look at the schedule Agile and drop that schedule down you. Just go to January seventeenth. CLICK ON A. You can go right to the tickets. We'll put ticket links up everywhere but San Francisco you know now before the holidays. Great Gift to give People Bohai. I'm GonNa get you tickets to see people town we'd love to see there and Dumb together San Francisco Stutz high. I am cliff Dorfman and I have a brand new podcast. It's called the cliff Dorfman show and I would love you to come check it out. I get to talk to some of the best and some of my favorite artists. We have some amazing guests coming up Dane Cook and we have Laszlo Lonzo. Coming up. Stephen Dorf did that. Christine Arado from whiskey sixty eight. Leyla George from animal. Animal Kingdom we have a whole roster of people coming up for you to listen to Peruse and hopefully we get you as a regular person coming on board all the time the cliff Dorfman show ladies and gentlemen starving so you keep it like they did in the old days. It wasn't long UH and and we're bad for that much energy that usually happens midway are folks. You're listening to pen pals in the morning Roy scoville Daniel van. You'll Canuel folks we WANNA make Pretty big announcement announcement we are coming to Galveston. We didn't promote this is true. We didn't tell anyone about this. We have only had one other guest in the entire year and a half of this podcast and today we have our second guest ever and we'd like to welcome to the show Mr Conan. Brian Thank you guys. Thank you for being here Daniel or Danny as we call you Yup Rory Rory Lord Bill babble. Apple's Scoville can call me any of those I I I'm very happy to be here and I want to set a little bit of a context. Which is rory and I toured together other? I know last year and They brought me in to clean up his mess whenever he would leave the stage. I get a lot of anger and bitterness and I would come out but once one night. Remember this rory you. I introduced you and you came out and as I shook your hand you palm D- a piece of paper in my hand I'm like what is that and I get backstage and you go on and do your said about whale gypsum or something. You watched it. I did watch chick. I can't believe Nickelodeon but I opened up the piece of paper about station. It said will you do my podcast and there was a box yes in a box no so I just checked. Yes because the answering Showbiz yes when I went out to thank you for your said and then go on with the next thing I handed it back to you so that that was a binding contract. Exactly right I am a man of my. You're bound you have to be here. I have to yeah also for that tour. They said how would you like to be paid. And I said if Conan would just be a guest on the podcast I'll I'll do as many shows as they need and you wanted a lot of money. I remember I wanted a lot and you got it. I did get that was for the travel. Not The shows right free. The shows were those were great by the way I got to do. I dropped in at the first a CONAN COMIC CON thing that you guys did two years ago. Roy Did it on Thursday and then Jones. CONAN's on yeah con unconscious. Let me kept dropping in so I did that Saturday night. Show with Jay. That's great we have like a pop-up explained listener there was sort of you know when you pop up bespoke jeans place. You know where some cool shop we a bespoke sort of pop up comedy club. And we didn't San Diego and it was fantastic so it was an old high. Hi Restaurants. Yeah he was at the same place last year or no. There's a different location at different bespoke location. It was an old restaurant. I remembered saying ties older than this. The Old Thai restaurant and work on the road. I'm just showing you that my mind is quick if breath not that funny yeah I go with. Yeah well what we do on this. Is it. This isn't even our podcast. Cast our listeners. They listen they write US letters their their inquiries their their concerns their their their trials and tribulations all the ups and downs silly and serious. We say we just talk about it. Yeah are you noticing a pattern so far that you know a lot of mail comes from one area a Random it is so ran from literally everywhere on their own land at UK and As far as like where it is silly to very serious is all over the place. Last year we got invited to go to Galveston and go to a billionaires ball and then beyond a float for the Mardi the operation and he did it. We've been invited back again this year. That's really cool. We're GONNA fight it to a wedding. We're going to a wedding in Chicago. Are you going to tape from the wedding. That that'd be the best but we are going to be the next day. Yeah instead I wish to God. We're doing that well. I guess there's no way to actually record something I don't know put us the dessert table. Arc's we could wire ourselves and just interview people the desert. Are you feel about that grim Kim and notice the side mother I love him. mm-hmm all right. Let's see your energy is very high in a good way engineers. The engineers seems upset. Yeah there's a blue foam coming out of the Control Board award just going to mention that but anyway giggles about giggles. I don't know who should go August here. You should go first. Yeah I'll do it okay. This is snail mail. People can mail us at seventeen hundred West Burbank Boulevard Burbank California. Can you do nine nine nine six. No I can't do not an effective way to get your address. Say Incorruptible Five. Yes yes. He's been this has been a process but were we got it okay ready. I don't know maybe they'll mail sent to us. It's a card. It says Amigo won a a buddy to Appel three comrades. Here we go check. Throw it out us. Dear Rory Maurice Corrie and Daniel Daniel this letter and to Conan but they. I didn't know at the time that they were doing that. They dream this letter is coming to you on the dog. Scenario actual product name entirely different stationary debate. We have a debate going on about what is exactly weekly stationary. I think it has to have your name on it. What do you think stationary? Do you think stationary has ever numerous your business. Somebody you wrote a letter on no stationary can be very fine in writing paper. Just safer doesn't have any information on. I don't believe stationary has to have information printed on it. Of course there's we. We could look into that. I suppose no learning from people. Yeah that's interesting people learning from people. Wow honestly I this is great for my terrible. What a bad way? I wonder I haven't infection in minority. which should I do leave it? Just listen to these guys. Get Hail baske- go friend. Yeah have you ever had this now. That is a deepen election right. All right it's my mom purchased this card from TJ Maxx in two thousand one. Amigo seemed fitting card from my pen pals. My older sisters born in Nineteen seventy seven and nineteen eighty-one an I born in nineteen ninety one. That's a gap. That's a fourteen year gap way. When were they born seventy seven and eighty one and this person was born in ninety one? I tell you what I just like that quick math. Oh thanks thanks buddy. I noticed I noticed that too. Still working on it. We'll show off still not sure you're right on that. I'm still doing ninety one. We'll way and what is it now. Two Thousand Nineteen yes so anyway he is sixty years old. I believe we were recently wondering if we ever had any any kind of sex talk with our parents we come from a pretty waspy Episcopalian PISCOPO talion PISCOPO alien networks southern background so sacks was not something openly discuss just my parents are incredibly kind and accepting people but at the same time are pretty conservative. Baby boomers my sister said they never had any sort of sex. Talk the oldest. Who has been with her husband and since they were fifteen said she waited till she was married? My other sister started having sex in high school but says she could. She'd go back and wait until she was married or at least much later I lost my virginity when I was fourteen while and while I was born in Nineteen ninety-one Yup hold on. When did you lose it? I think how old were you when you a girl. By the way how old is fifteen years old. You're fifteen yeah on Easter Sunday. Okay I got it lost her virginity Easter Sunday. Daniel no no Daniel you gotta carry. Daniel carry the one where the nine fifteen on Easter Sunday trying to complete a task that he didn't do. You live with this fifteen on Easter Sunday and got it and what was it like what what why are you with what are talk. I got less than I thought it. My job here was to do the numbers. CPA entity when. He was fifteen on Easter Sunday. Can you raised Catholic. No but I was baptized Catholic. And I think that counts. I raised Catholic. You're not Catholic way of life. I'm getting the baptism. Tisza means you're good to go no but then it was heavily Catholic. I'm not Catholic but don't still get into heaven because nothing you will you. You gotta get Dave Hugh and then you come back slowly. And you put the communion hosts bag on the table. I have of the community. Here's your Eucharist Sir. Beautiful boy do you have. That can always you always do that. Kid Is Yours. Yes yes as the lion cat in say the line that makes my mom. Diane cry every time I'll have to do is go mom. You know what happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted. He lived happily ever after. And for some reason. That makes Diane Swanson Soul Motion Outlet Hersi dead poet's society that will crush her. That ending is too powerful the fifteen on Easter Sunday. But wait so we know a little more or is that We were up in the loft. Who's we me and on and it? It was a loft. Are you come from earn a Barn Family Very Rural Rochelle Illinois right. So when you say the loft. I'm picturing Heya Pitch House had like second story. And then a loft story right was kind of like Oprah's finally to be fair built built for teenagers to have sex for the first Adam. Basements Open Air Law. Like you said we're good. We're good never goes up to the third flight ever and so it was just a lot of like you know grab ass and then it just kind of happened you just kinda happened That's older you. Let's see it was Obama's second the numbers again see Kerry the to think twenty twelve. Who can remember guys suze it's like asking the bt K that is you know how many do kill Oh man no trail a hit it? I quit it and then I reset. It doesn't quite wait. Run when I was twenty you were. I was twenty and I do in high school knowing. Why did I think Ayar Law? I was also in a loft a situation where you aware that is twenty twenty. Be About Normal I. I wonder what two years in high school maybe three College College. So I mean you're two or three years in two hours in high school two years college and then had sex. Yes I like. Went down the road of like. I'd live the very typical life of just like of course that you said you lied about for so long you might be lying now. Never I still haven't when I lost my virginity. I kept saying it's been so long long to really. What do you mean there's been? What were you trying to keep up at twenty twenty i? I'm thirty nine. I'm still trying to keep keep up and I get that so you have this false facade. Did you wear like a yachting cap or something that you wear sunglasses while you're having sex. Look this is how I do. I've done it the several several talk they call me. The admiral pretended to be so bored. I think twenty twenty twenty is right in the pocket. I don't know if it's in the pocket but what do you think is in the pocket. Eighteen seventeen eighteen seventeen. I think it depends on your situation If you are oversexed like some of US myself included and you just need to do it and you mature quickly as I did and then you know it could be eleven. Could be twelve of your younger than me or older than me when you lost hers. I like them. I keep the cards close to my chest. What else did she virginity to the deck to have sex with cards so she lost her Virginia when she was fourteen and how young I was I would not have waited until marriage? This led to the conversation about the one and only sex talk I ever received from my mom I was thirteen and for some reason needed a suppository. How many reasons are that? You would need one aside from being. That's a good point mortified. I was semi confused and needed my mom to talk me through it from outside the bathroom as I'm crying leg hiked. This is going to be a self self self. She's going to inside Saito. Fans started concerted suppository usually are right an SIS. Yeah I mean. That's not unusual. I don't know why you brought that up. It's not like you say I need to play a Taurean so get in here. I would gladly have someone else do that really even at this age it's a level of trust. Yeah okay well. That's what happens when you wait till you're twenty to lose your virginity mature. Yeah you're just trying to keep up an image you try to keep image of maturity ready as I'm crying laid out in the leg hyped up on the toilet trying to insert this one inch torpedo. My Mom sees this as the perfect opportunity to shout through the door. Now you see this is why anal sex isn't a good idea. I think I blacked out. That is a parole. Mamo sees fun anyway. My husband's parents. That's what it says anyway. Anyway my husband's parents are the exact opposite of mine. They have always been loving nice to meet you. Do you do anal. Because it's the best and you should do it. They've always been very open about sex etc.. He could come to them with anything and because of that never had to liar. Sneak around I on the other hand. Spent my young teen years sneaking around and having sex with older boys didn't understand sex aside from the idea that anal is not an our gt that stands for rip roaring good time. Which is what Roy has created on this show time and though it was something to be thought it was something to be ashamed of I ended up going with this phase of my life Mitsui? Let's see through through this phase of my life with an eating disorder which I'm now recovered my husband and I and I now have a three year old daughter and plan to be as candidates possible about most things including sacks. The decision is ultimately hers when and with whom she wants to have sex and I want her to be educated and feel comfortable with her choices. Did either of you. Oh my God this is the end. Is this typical typical letters. Go On for quite a long time. Sometimes they can. This is I would say. This is in the medium-range some that are novel length. But we don't use. I guess it's going to be signed Herman in Melville Anyway Chapter at fifty five. Don't ever this is this is did either of you have a sex talk with your parents rory as a father and I guess Conan as well do you or your wife plan on having an F. Two F. discussion with your daughter or do you think it will be part of the casual dialogue off would be face to face. I love listening to you both and look forward to every episode. I hope to hear your response your pen Pal Brittany Brittany. I hope that you are listening to this in shock that you're you're you're getting a follow up from Conan O'Brien the follow up for you and Brittany I have. I'm looking at the card. Yes a nice dog on the front. And I'm looking and I'm writing down your name and your return address Sir. And I'm going to visit Don Conan. O'Brien what are you doing here. Mandela mother yelled about. Where's this daughter? Let's Talk I've I was never given the sex talk to a private Catholic school and I feel like even that sex talk that they had sex education was wildly insignificant. Okay and so you have sex nats any questions like literally just ends before it starts my montrose. Sex Talk it was a whole seed replanting conversation and I figured I was too old and I figured out what she was doing. Yeah and so. I just kept acting confused so that she would have to keep playing which is not a nice bit in retrospect to do to your mother. I think that's very funny. But she kept being like there's a seat and I was like like a garden. Choose no not like a garden Danny there when a man really cares about a woman takes his seat and it was about a guard takes it takes out his penis. What now the gardens are no no really? What makes the furrows at a real midsummer upbringing? Did you know juicy midsummer. I no I didn't I recommend. Did you have the talk Well I think I come from an even more Catholic background than Rory I it's interesting. My parents come from this hardcore Irish Catholic You know both of them. These two hard core toward the Catholic and almost nineteenth century sensibility so Nothing was discussed of this kind and I think my parents were both very good Dutiful kids so I think they grew up my dad during the depression. My mom just yeah. Few years she was born a few years later but but they grew up during this time when their parents instilled in them this Catholicism it comes from like eighteen fifty to Ireland and no potatoes and they took that and they carry the ball and they didn't really modify it much so not much was discussed. really really. Nothing was discussed. And so you kind of had to figure it out. I remember my mom. Once left a book out that was sort of take on purpose. Yes that she left book out suppository intrude and you must. Yeah but anyway picture of Jack Pounds on the cover but Just a fun reference. Look it up every arm. Push the weight but book out of my mom left a book out and it was sort of like for someone who's bring fourth grade or fifth grade and it was ridiculous they're remembered it said you know this man really cares about this woman and there's this whole build up and then there was one page where it said so they snuggled together and it just showed two heads heads and literally. The covers pulled up under the Chin and both him smiling looking at the ceiling. But no explanation of what that was to. You come away. Did you already know a already know being so few lay in bed with the woman. That's how she gets pregnant. Yeah but I think just look like make sure the covers are right up not your Chin and that you're not looking at each other. This is some people get their fetish. Yeah well that's my fetish. See My friend my friend Jake. Flash vice remembered. He took me aside and he said I know the deal and I said really you know the deal and he went. Yeah I know the deal. And what's that and this guy actually showed up on on the tour. I don't know if he were on the tour. At this point you may have been fired at Jake. Fleisher was in the audience at one of the tours and stood up and identified himself. So might my best best friend from childhood. Jake Fleischer said I know what it is The Guy Parks his car in her garage. And I said got it. uh-huh remember just not understanding electric door going up. Yeah pictured exhaust. I pictured a Your Yard I gotta get a car. I was completely confused incidental garage attached. Yeah but no she has to have a garage right. How old were you know I I would say I was in the bomber grade third fourth grade? Something like that. I just remembered you. No information being It's just it's a different time. It's very hard to explain to the young people of today what it was like before the Internet. I yeah but yeah information was hard to come by. Oh my you'd only see pornography if you founded in an alley. Yeah or like. Somebody's uncle. I remember I ever found Daniel so you would you used to hang out in alleys. Alleys rummage through garbage back of an adult store was never readily available. It had to somehow be like stumbled upon or like. Your friend's Dad. Had it hidden ever free or in the pre porn area. Things were sensual. That would not seem sensual now like the whole of a banister. I WanNa fuck that bannister's now there's really like on the on your phone right now. You can see whatever your sick mind can imagine back in the olden times. You really were like you'd you know you'd look at a pair of glasses last sometimes just sitting on a table look at that nose goes in then rimless a car garage next thing he says. Don't be afraid what you find on the Internet you might end up realizing what you're into like. Oh Shit I saw this. And now that's my eventually. That would have been fine. It's like Godzilla you know Nuclear testing in the fifties to a monster. That's mostly shot in black and Whiten. It destroys an unrealistic Tokyo. Hats called cuddling. Are you going to have a very face to face sex. Talk with your children. We you say d. the and also what age how are you put put off so wrong. List I'm mature angry men All right well what I want to know if because I think the way that my dad was who's very Catholic who did not the have a sex talk with me left it to me just to find out which I think is very dangerous and your parents somewhat doing that same thing do you remember. Do you feel that now. The way the world world is and how readily available information is. Do you feel the need with your kids to like get out in front of that and be like I need you to know the truth truth before you get false. Saving my ass My Wife is very progressive about these things. Yes and Ha is not all uncomfortable about it. Okay and has no problem you know. Sometimes I think she's bringing stuff up. Early you know is into it out there. Yeah Talk Dinners More No. She's she's your phone down. We're talking anal kind of my my wife. My wife loves to. She loves her dream that my daughter especially he comes to her. It has a question about it. That would be my wife's dreams. She loves to connect in that way. So I'm completely off the hook to be the irrelevant guy in the background is a good good. What's your mom's say who said can't you see I'm busy with my scrimshaw? Mom said suppositories are nothing like I still. Nobody answered me on what you would even even use one for conservation basically. Yeah it's it's Used for constipation. I'm told not needed it myself. Either of you say the Detroit. I I was so severely constipated after that tour. You're right on that tour okay. Does he carry a tour. That has nothing nothing to do with you. They were just a guest on any idea that is travel in the luxury. That just was new to me I had to. I saw you you. You came on this tour in you know I very out and I'm GonNa tell you very good comic. You have show great promise. I liked it. This is recorded but But I could tell that you would always you had worked the rougher Honky tonks alley cat at around in some of the GIN joints listen flop-houses and so when you came on my tour where all all of his needs were met. I mean this is a Conan today. All of his needs were met Matt. And I mean the man's and so we would be on private jets and the deal was anyone could have a suit made for them. While they were on the private jet we went on the tour could have any kind of outfit made for them and they could pick a bolts so bolts of fabric brought to them on the jet and they would pick pick member the suit you had made this crazy made and then we had blocked. Yeah but anyway. I wanted textured pin stripe I wanted the pinstripe feel yeah people could go eight hundred fresh lobsters from Maine flowing into it. Yes course its own CONAN. He gets what he wants. Yeah you're the one asking asking but I knew through him. I could get what I want. If it seemed that you're on them unnoticed said can I get a hundred check. Yes or the tour pulled in. I think I'm not good at numbers but I think it was forty million dollars a night. That's a good. That's pure profit. Yeah and rory walking you instantly saw this incredible whole lifestyle. Well they were giving you that in cash in suitcases at the end of every show. Yeah thinking the lobsters are while you were constipated. Not Show well. He would eat the shows and what happened is just throw the meat the meat away the shells and the clause what happens. is they pile up in the colon and they create an actual physical barricade literal. Yeah do you know anybody who eats the full tail on the shrimp. I don't I've met a couple psycho. Serial Killers Daniel J Lorette in Rochelle Illinois eats. It's the J. J. eats the Lorette. Stop it yeah gross. What are you in? 'em I've done an Enema Ma who I'll tell you what you gotta lay there. And what's that. Oh that was for the concentration of the same thing you really have to pay to that the tour you just made that up it could you just happen to fifty fifty but I will say this and this is just for listeners. Get some smooth. Move T and start drinking drinking some aloe vera juice. It's very good for the intestines. You start doing that. Maybe once every two weeks you're going to be just for your whole life and a lot of fiber start. You hit a point for. I'm thirty nine now and only now my realizing oh I I actually need to start applying the things. We're supposed to be eating like I've been able to eat like garbage. I played soccer my whole life. I would eat big MACs and my body would just break it down in my sleep and I'd be fine but if you want that canal body if you want them trying to get that Kumail body. Yeah did you see that. I did see that they were so we show but whatever. You're here to start a rumor. Your daughter how old do you think you'll have the talk with her. She's four now. I don't no no I think I I I think I am similar to your wife. I think I'm very like and I think maybe stand kind of brings it out of me to openly. Say these the things I have this fantasy in my mind that when it's time to give her the talk to take her to a club with me that night and have the talk with the whole audience dance and ask for that. They think so that she can see. This is everyone it's not talking. It's the Hon. Room will tell you that star member this we were In lenox city or someplace like that early on the tours like one of the first star and I did it used to do and do a Q. and A. Afterwards. Yes yes and you'd have to wade through a lot of worry guy upset me or what was that all about and be remembered it would be a lot of whatever never putting out fires and stuff. None of that wasn't racist. And here's what he meant by satire doing it yeah he was doing a parody of someone someone who's awful And that's exactly so anyway but then this one woman This stood up and said well you have the visit my thirteen year. We'll send you remember this and so it was. It was there. We had the kid there with this so I was asked to give talk in front of this. Pretty good sized can you. That was the issue. Remember this crazy but what happened is a very fun moment of that when you you ask something to the kid. I can't remember if you stayed on stage during this or you know I went down. I went down into the audience and I walked up. Yeah so I'm standing next to the talk to give the talk. Ah a microphone. And there's a lot of people watching CONAN asks the kids something puts the migrant kids face the kid talks and he has the deepest voice soon just said like what about Tommy and I put the phone down any. He had the deepest void. Put a cigarette out. You know he was thirteen. I don't know I'm GonNa fuck you up after the exile. I gotta hear that. Hit The table city. I didn't WANNA come to his show. I'm going to cloud that this was a carrot top. Show you getting out of here. It was hilarious. That was funny I think I think that's it for a first letter I was. I think we were honest. I think we were open and I think Brittany was very Nice Brittany to share and I think that's something that will probably help others the fact that we were all. Yeah I will I do think it is incredibly important too. I think this is a great question. I think because there's so much information easily available the fact that there is pornography out there and I don't say that in a bad way I grateful that it's out there but but I think the fact that there is ways for kids to learn on their own is that there's certain things kids you don't want them to learn on their own you want to you you don't want to pass on misinformation but Britney I think I think you BR. I think this was a good note because people should think about how they are going to talk to their kids about sex and and drugs and drinking and I don't think they should do it within a naievety also One of the great truisms about Raising teenagers and I've heard so many times and I. I think it's absolutely probably the most important thing to remember is Is that your most host risk with your kid when you're not communicating with them and they're not talking to you. That's the most risk so if you establish the fact that your kids can talk to you about anything anything even if it's embarrassing chances are they're going to end up communicating with you when something dicey comes up and so I think that's that's the thing. My wife has a really good job and I have tried because of the way I grew up I have tried to really create. Be The kind of dad where where they would not be afraid to talk to me about something so I think that it is a very good letter and I think that's a couple of friends of kids in high school and they told me. Ah when you if you start thinking you like should. I talked to my kids about sex. The answer's Yes. If you're thinking about it they're already thinking about it and the other thing was they had a really good tactic. You guys could could disagree with me and no better. If you're if you feel like your kids have a hard time talking to you about them. Help constantly ask your kids about their friends. 'cause by by talking about what their friends do and what their friends are like and what their friends are into. They're telling you about their life and what they're into what they do. Well kind of like a sideways around awesome engine Conan Daniels friends with a lot of undercover cops. So that's really just kind of a method sh very active method. Thank you Okay Brittany your signed sincerely Your Pin POWs Rory van Scoville van Kirk and Admiral Conan. CT Kony's We're black black folks. Just a quick up Jay the five is going to be GM today you're going to want to take a look at altitude and no that's not those show. Yeah that is ninety seven the rat race. If you're just joining US checkout ninety seven nine the rat race we advertise other podcast on this podcast. We like Conan our guest today. Also podcast any Coenen on and your podcast. They do. You think that like Conan O'Brien O'Brien even needs to be said. Do you feel like just enough. I mean name another Conan Conan Nolan. Wrong no one knows that person okay was the weather man in La for awhile. Damn good. You're speaking of your podcast. The the episode with Letterman. When you guys were telling the Bob Hope Stories and the story when Carson came to the simpsons realized he just wanted to hang around comedy writers? That was amazing. And the Howard interview. I'll thank you you guys start talking about. Oh I've just spent my whole life wanting to entertain my mother. Yeah that was. I love those those episodes. Thanks for doing this showy. Let's do it. I will read a letter letter. Is that right. Yeah we got CONAN reading this Next letter the letter. It's an email. The pimples Padres G. MILL DOT COM. Here we go deer carrying overkills van. Dyke it's an Anagram I hope you both had a special thanksgiving Spent with loved ones. My mom was able to make the trip from Santa Barbara to just north of Seattle where I live She is still here visiting. Because I am writing using Siri. This is the day after Thanksgiving. My Dad had to work. He has a hospice nurse Arse. My Dad's suffers from clinical. Depression has been in an episode for the last twenty years. My God he is gone through. E C T ketamine treatments. He's also on a long list of anti-depressants it sad because he's truly the smartest man I know graduated Duke when he was nineteen and then got a masters degree in computer science Berkeley. Yeah he retired when he turned forty came out of retirement when he turned fifty and got a masters degree in nursing from UCLA. And that's how we got into hospice. My mom was telling me she was nervous about traveling by herself self but needs to get used to it because my dad is planning his suicide of God planning his suicide next August after his birthday He's just is trying to get all affairs in order and make sure that my mom's transition smoothly into being a widow my God now. This is the first time he's ever had a date or replan. My MOM's tired. She spent years working with him and specialist to no avail. I asked her how she was doing with it and she said quote people say suicide. Suicide suicide is selfish. Can I come to the conclusion that it could also be brave. I don't WanNa lose my dad. Also if he's around he should be happy in the life he has. What are your thoughts? I would have been just okay. Join about politics at Thanksgiving dinner. The dinner So what are your thoughts Thanks love the show sincerely Your Friend Travis Aka American Butch Europe. Es sorry this is so heavy. ps when you come to the Pacific northwest you could sleep. Even my airstream that overlooks the puget. Sound do you WanNa work where he likes to work backwards. You love the puget Azzam Conan. You're just invited to stay in his airstream in the puget sound. We'll guess why. Have Two tickets through story when I go out on the airwaves. Oh this is not a real show this is just so we just finally wanted to hang out for a second week of January. Okay well already have I am going to Seattle Seattle in a few days. And it'll be there. This travis is one of the foremost butchers in the country. Yeah he is The American butcher and he's phenomenal. He's a longtime listener of the show. Oh you yes. We don't social media comments on posts and and Just know him through. The I think Travis either wrote this letter I had a big commentary about it. We we got into a debate on If you listen to an audio book does that count as having read a book and this guy wrote us and he said there are people with dyslexia or something where you couldn't say that you have read a book we were talking about the definition of where you fall in that Conan. If you listen to a book that you read it I do. I do think you could say that. Yeah but you didn't. Yeah you dated. Had Your you were in that world yes you can get it. I don't even think it's a debate. So well Daniels and evil a person and you're not going to heaven like we are. We're Catholic baptize. When you get up there like the other Catholics? Like no but I was baptized. I ain't got celebrated Easter better than any of you. When a Catholic morty you actually? I've studied theology extensively awfully bragging. I happen to know that when you are baptized Catholic but then refuse to follow up on any of its edicts when you enter heaven your butchered like a wild animal. But is that true. He said you get into that Info Down Honan just said I'm getting into heaven not let you win. Great sort the way they let Joe Pesci into that garage good to have you noticed that they put all these tarps down like Oh shit and then you you get shot in the back of the head. Yeah Jesus Jesus. Christ he's worrying eight thousand nine hundred sixties Italian suit. What are you GONNA do? It is what it is. Yeah and he is doing Niro. Jesus goes and debt stat true story that's Korea that's religion folks all right well. There's some heavy stuff here and I think we should talk about it and I don't know if we're he's heavy. Let's never mention it. Let's keep going down the carriage the road pen pal few things. That never apologized. This is so having this is wildly interesting and I think it brings up a lot of interesting stuff. Because that's also when she told him say that again it seems to be. That thanksgiving is when she told Thanksgiving you then he found out his dad is planning suicide. uh-huh yeah but can I just say there's there that how intense this sentences but how it seemingly so throw away just and my mom was telling me she was nervous about traveling by yourself but needs to get used to it because my dad's planning a suicide next office after his birthday. What what did you say? I don't know if the milk here's good for you about sex. What do you want to say after the milk thing? Oh the suicide thing. Oh yea EH. It's his head so nonchalantly I the the question of is she saying that the mom or is he saying that the mom people say Suicide Selfish GonNa Collision that they could also be breaking. She was saying that she's hoping is it. Can I come to the conclusion. Oh yeah I'd also be brave. I think so I think I my own personal take on it is that I don't ever look at it. I mean it's tragic. It's always tragic no matter what but I. I don't know that I've ever seen it as instinctually without other people's opinions or sway right. I don't know that I've ever looked added a selfish. I don't know that I've ever seen it that way. I think it could be selfish. But maybe not necessarily. That's not necessarily a negative they did it for themself. You know what I mean like yes but I never saw that as a selfish act. I don't think I'm I think I'm more in the. I have a lot of questions I mean. First of all when someone's in experiencing that level of extreme extreme depression and misery and And they're really in how I don't I don't know that I can give advice because I've not felt that I've had a lot of problems in my life with things -iety but I've never had anything close to what this gentleman's is father's going through and I don't understand it so it's very hard for me to talk about it. I don't I do think I know people Friends of mine Who a good friend of mine? no somebody two. He knew quite well who just committed suicide and Had Kids and wife and just went ahead and did it without Any forewarning or anything just and they knew that this person had been struggling with depression with just went ahead and did it and I think that's gotTa leave a huge amount of anger. Yeah a giant question mark. John Admit he's being extremely considerate with his suicide. Well I mean I don't mean I'm not saying that tongue in cheek. She can any way he's telling his family. This is where Spirit Plan I Mitch but you know what that sounds interesting. That sounds again again. I don't know anything in. We're three people that have absolutely no quote. We say this almost every day at several times in episode no one has any qualifications and so We need you know eight. Dr Drew's to come in right now between this up but I do think I can't say that I've heard of this a lot. Someone this this is very rare. I think the and what I've what I've heard of a lot. Is someone saying. Look I've got a I've got. I've got this terrible disease and I've been fighting it for a long time and I can't do this anymore. And then they want. They want an assisted suicide. This someone saying I think next August. It sounds very different to me. I would love it if an expert could way and because I don't know but yeah you're our expert today. Okay that's why you're the guest. Okay okay well just a terrible idea for pockets but anyway here to give his advice on a potential upcoming suicide aside. He's comedian Conan. O'Brien giving me. It's always a comedian. Here's Sinbad to tell you what to do. But I don't I wow I. This is incredibly rough. I think what I hear from what is mom is saying is this is just. I mean clearly been going on for twenty thirty years of intense depression in pain that this person is in and doesn't want to be in pain anymore. I understand that but and is hospice. Nurse was right on go such a a interesting mind very smart graduated Duke at Nineteen. But you know it's interesting. I think this is working. Came out of retirement has done the ketamine treatments ill. I was sort of under under the impression that stuff like ketamine can open the mind and change your perception and and help you in. Not that it's a end all be all but but that psychedelics were potential. Solution also has come back some potential. His electroshock therapy has made a comeback. Think think of it in this brutal sort of one of the Kuka's nasty that has come back and they have a better understanding of it now and so I think that is actually used now. And they've seen seen some with Some good results with that. There's just so much there's been so many advances made in medication and they're trying a lot of things That I would always this be somewhat hopeful that there would be something something that could be done right I don't know I mean because this opens a big question. He it is being considered by saying this is going to happen in eight months six months or five months or is it also in a weird way creating this incredible. Wait this this is terrible bind. What are we? How are we supposed to handle this? Are we supposed to call. You know if you think that. Someone's and life is in danger or a danger to themselves. You're supposed to call the police you're supposed to. You're supposed to intervene. So this is a very murky area. Korea doesn't it doesn't it seem like he's potentially sitting on a an amazing Indi script ripped with Alan Arkin. Oh like a Lane but like literally how. It's it's only now as as I even process more of this. It's only now that I realize how far away August truly is no. It's a long way now. If someone were like to find that out at Thanksgiving giving which is its own poetry the fact that it's Thanksgiving when he's literally. I would rather talk about politics. That is what people fear and the the weight of family emily in dealing with it. And so I'm GonNa go you have until August if there's anything you need to say or do like that is. It's a long time. It's wildly. That's why Salihi interest. I find this a couple of things I I find this deadline the self imposed deadline. That's eight months away to be very strange. I don't quite understand that. And the other thing that struck me as he talks a lot about how smart his father is there. Such a correlation between high. Hi Hi Hi Intelligence and depression. That's always you know people always think. Wow that person's really smart. Well yes but there's all this stuff that comes with it and you will never know terrible pain of high intelligence that only Daniel and I have. I'm smile I've been smiling the whole time because they don't even understand the weight of this letter. Yeah and you're talking to a water bottle and not the MIC. Hello Hello What would you said Your Dad. Here's what I do want to say. How do you want to put a couple of things out there? One Travis first off. I know first office coming so late in the game. It's like the longest cold open for a letter but Thank you very much for for even opening up and sharing this because this is an easy to talk about but I would say something for you personally keep in mind while your dad is dealing with us to keep in. Mind that your your what you're going to experience going through this also is going to carry. Its own version and form of depression so while you are concerned with your mother mother in your dad in this scenario. Don't forget to look out for number one while you deal with that if that means therapy if that means making sure friends know now if that means you know whatever you have to do alert to your own. Seo 'cause you this is going to be a lot of weight that you care. I think Conan makes a great point. This this is now a great weight has been put on all of you but just remember you can all carry this weight togetherness strange it is and how it's amazed that your brain is going to have to me emotionally deal with Don't forget to to check in with yourself because you don't WanNa find yourself also dealing with breath an immense amount of depression that you didn't you maybe could have started to deal with sooner than land also going to say. Yes that's true and I would say to Travis Sir that We you know we joke around about not being experts. I really do thank. You should talk to. Oh Oh yeah you should. I mean. My first bit of advice would be to consult with mental health specialists. Right away to Rory's point four yourself and also to explain explain what Your Dad's proposing Because this is An insane amount of pressure to be put on all of you and It sounds a little unprecedented to me. And I'm sure professionals would tell you Okay we've heard this before. This is what this is and and and give it some context that You know it's. It's great that you wrote to this show. And you're getting this feedback in your opening up but I think the first thing you should do after you're done listening to this podcast and regretting. That I was the guest is. Hey you haven't turned it off Conan. Where's Leno but anyway? Do you said very expensive. Nine hundred. Eleven alternate reality wildly helpful okay. There's actually a treatment very well known. It's Dr Corey mm-hmm filling to book those sometimes but anyway I would say consult really. I consult several professionals. Because you you you don't WanNa be carrying US around on your own and you want to be talking to people that know You know that have studied eddy this that have a long history of knowledge instead. The friend of the friend is going through. They're all reactionary. Yep like you can take precautionary Mary. Measure towards your grief that you probably are experiencing already and now I mean obviously. His Dad didn't come up for Thanksgiving. She said that's my opportunity to start start transitioning into feeling like a life of being alone and also we should say smear it is and I just wasn't paying attention like anyone listening to this that they themselves feels like. Oh that sounds like an idea or I have some of those thoughts like reach out to someone we always say. Hit on emotions aside Hotlanta we. You're not professionals. But we care and we'll do our best but that is not the answer. It's also there have been so many so many case studies done of if people attempt suicide and a very common reaction when it fails is relief. Yeah and they regretted granted that they That's quite common so it's you know it's interesting you get lost in you know As humans we just get down this this cul de sac of misery. And sometimes we really do think this is hopeless and and I can get very intense. Attempts have never come close to wanting to other. The people want to hurt me. But I've never wanted to hurt myself. And that's why he flew by himself and a second jet behind jet. Yeah Yeah and very close was too dangerous. I kept banging into your Jerry but I do think that That eh there's so many people who have experienced the attempt or they've been in that place and then they've survived almost to one they say. Oh my God really when I was really faced with this is happening. I was regretting it. They say every person I've ever like pulled out of the Bay in San Francisco that jumps off one of the bridge. If they survive they want to be in the book. Thank you so much for saving me but you just felt this feeling of I didn't WanNa Wannabe. It felt like done for me. Maybe not that that ebbs and flows and then eventually you do have to deal with and go back to your depression but yeah I the the thing that you hit me Conan's like what if you hang on long enough that a new medicine or treatment does come out. That really helps you in lake opens up for you. I just with the friend friend of friend of yours and then even with this the mom and Travis like at a certain point I care about the survivors. We all brody Stevens and we lost him and we just hope that like okay okay. I hope he reached the point to where he's happy. But then the aftermath is what you're trying to get out in front of your own. Yeah I think I think gets to different things kind of dealing with the weight of this personal issue and then also the debate over how your interpretation of what suicide is and I think that's all person how people people perceive it but also the main point being you can't know someone else's issue until you know until you're going through and if if anyone can relate to this obviously don't write us in right into us because we just covered in this letter and we would we would never read it twice. I want to be very clear about. This has been touched. We cannot cover it again. I don't WanNa hear about CONAN. Is this whole time. He's been looking ATAS going. What guys I was invited to a comedy podcast wrap it up S With this is it. This is travis fault if anyone which are to make Travis to repay you for opening incredibly we're going to club difficult we're going to mock your choice of writing why it took. It took an incredible amount of character and guts. Let's to share that with US and And I yeah I please talk to a bunch of people. Please talk to a bunch of people and I don't think it should be a foregone conclusion that your dad's going to do this. I think people should intervene. And I think the You shouldn't deal with this alone. Never forget the power power of communication. Well what Travis. Thank you. So much. Hitler's propaganda minister said that. Yes exactly. Yeah I read it. That was never forget. It's a little when you do it in the German accent until his editing was flawless interesting. Yeah well people still steal from him you know his style. Yeah Rams Travis thank you. I hope that was. Surreal that You shared something that is surreal and in a week complimented that Seru surreal surrealism realism your surrealism. You're See Realistic Cappella capacity people. That do that. I always think they're smarter than me. No matter what you're doing they're Buying time for interesting Barack Bill is probably uh-huh that you got to hear Conan's take on that that's kind of a hopefully something that makes you sharing something so deep hopefully a little bit more manageable to remember and his vice is advice. Stays with you. sincerely your pen pals Daniel van Kirk worry scovill nick. Admiral W T law yeah In a bad cast network.

puget Azzam Conan Daniel Daniel Rory Rory Lord Bill Depression Conan O'Brien San Francisco CONAN Travis Sir Galveston Roy scoville US cliff Dorfman Conan Daniels Conan Conan Nolan CONAN Jay ketamine Mattel
Conan O'Brien

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

2:00:47 hr | 2 years ago

Conan O'Brien

"L O. Everybody welcomed armchair expert. I'm Dan rather. And Monica Padma in sits across from me per us. She's adorned in purple. She is a lot of weapons at her disposal ways for her to make her beautiful Brown skin pop. And I always find orange for you. As a real user pop. How I don't wear orange very much don't. But when you do wear orange. I'm quick to comment on it. Right. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Let's slink about this. Yeah. I think really think about if I have anything orange. I don't think I'd do you. Do you do? Well, maybe we're not unlike this is regular with me as getting in arguments about what color is what color as I see the juice talking about tomato tomato red, really. Well. Okay. So yeah, you were in a tomato blouse the other day, right? T-shirt and I made a real to do about how does complementing your skin tone. Well, this is weird Lee appropriate because our guest has a very distinct level of Melanson redness, melanin melanin, not melatonin. That puts you to sleep melanin, which dictates how darker skin as well. He has it a defective. Well, hold on what it is a defective, gene. No. I think it was an evolutionary answer to getting less vitamin d in northern climates MC, gene. You could argue that it's a it's defective. It's defected. According to Mary search. Yes. Okay. You could argue he's more of all than you martyr than all of us gets through you, and I combined he's a very smart guy. He's also hysterical guy and my favor. Side of him. Which is the least known side of him is his thoughtful side in a serious side because he is. A uniquely disciplined person incredibly educated person in a very hard working person. And I was exposed to that side of Amman Howard Stern show which you'll hear about Conan O'Brien who I have my own fund past with if you've listened to this show 'cause I was momentarily off that show, and then I brigade favor over there done at a bunch of times sense and were were chummy, and he regales us with his whole story. And it's really fascinating. But before we get to Conan. I do want to announce yet another live performance from the gang at armchair expert. We're gonna be in Los Angeles. We're gonna live show at the theater at the ace hotel, which is gloriously restored cool old venue. That's on January seventeenth fifteen days. After my birthday, we can call it a birthday show. Tickets are on sale tomorrow, Tuesday, November twenty seven at ten AM local time, that's PS t. Pacific time go to our website. If you want to get tickets for this WWW, armchair expert, pod dot com, and we hope to see you in our home of Los Angeles. So please enjoy Conan O'Brien armchair is brought to you and supported by stamps dot com. Monica. The holidays are upon us. I love this time of year me too. It's a very very busy time of year at the post office shipping. Lots of presence. Yes. So what is a great way to avoid lines and inconvenience well, stamps dot com. Obviously is the easiest way. You can buy imprint official US postage from any letter any package inning class, a male, just using your computer and a printer L, easy, the mail carrier picks it up, and there's no trip to the post office even required. It's always open. It helps you with the right amount of postage every time in never overpay. The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season. We're going to be. Shipping a ton of merchandises people by their loved ones. Armchair fund stuff. I used stamps dot com because it's the easiest most convenient way for me to mail or ship. Anything in right now, you can enjoy the stamps dot com service with a special offer that includes a four week trial plows postage and a digital scale with out long-term commitments, go to stamps dot com. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Dax that stamps dot com. Enter Dax he's. First of all what a role reversal. I think I've done your show in the teens at this point. Yes, I've done this show many times. You're I call you a money in the pocket guest. Oh, that's being serious. Thank you. I love that. You are actually it's called money in the Bank money in the pockets. Not as good that sounds more like a like, a twenties English thing. Yeah. You know money in the in the puck efficient in I if state to the Bank, they never put in your pocket or just straight to the pot. This is us, right? Where you're. Is holding her I have to hold mine holder microphone. That's look like Rudy Vallee. It's an old reference snowing listening to a podcast forget it. But what I'm gonna before we even launch into this. What I'm going to say, and I'm gonna and I'm going to try to outmaneuver you with a compliment really rolling yet. Or is this? He's we're always raw on ABC are always be always be role. Always we really if you remember I sent you of one of the most sincere emails, I think I've ever sent my life. And it was after hearing Yuan stern. It was it's in my top four interviews of ever heard. I've fucking love that interview. And even though I've I've been out in real life with you a couple times. And of course, you quite sincere when we're out realized to hear you so sincere on stern was such a different side of you that I had never really heard and I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. In this show is boring and sad. So feel no. Oh, compulsion to be entertaining or funny. Okay. Done. I do when asked sincere questions. I do answer them bright. How long has your penis, you know, glasses? Oh, wait flash. That's not good Lagoda. If you hadn't said flat out of gone for it expands. Mine expands exponentially put it that way. It's like the hulk of penises. I mean, seriously, I am forty three of Ben with the penis for a long long time. And I am regularly blown away with what a bizarre organ. It is. It's a strange one. It is if your hand just tripled in size. It's almost like a superpower. If you think about it. Although no good generally comes from it. It is a freaky. Oregon Email will go away. If you look at Evelyn, it's an appendage that's going away Avesta jewel a page going to go away. There's a better way for us to have this transaction of sperm and eggs. You're right and penile shaft hangs off of your abdomen and doesn't really belong there. So it's going to go away in the next six million years. Yeah, it's a cumbersome. It's just a lot of business between your legs ura cyclists. Yeah. That's a new hobby of yours or like a few years old. I know avenue in that for a long time, actually. Would a little less now. I now I do more running and swimming because it's less likely. I'll get killed. Yeah. We talked about that. When I saw you. You were telling me how and do you? I've been into cycling for a long time. I have as you know. I don't think this comes across on TV it, I'm I'm I'm not you see your giggling, just like you so much. This is come across on TV. But I am very long in the leg. I'm tall in cat. But I'm like eighty percent legs. So for some reason when I got on a bike, and I started going I can go forever. Yeah. I it's a great exercise for me. And I really enjoy it. And I love the mechanics of bikes. I love the whole thing. I love but. Yeah. In Los Angeles. It's really tricky. It is. But you know, I just got my first road bike like a month ago. I impulse bought it. And what I immediately like about it is unlike running where I'm bored out of my mind, there is a fair level of danger win cycling in L A. It requires your full attention. Yeah. I do enjoy that aspect. Do you plan your route? So that you're no. In fact, I weirdly, I'm lazy in that. I go just bride kind of paralleling the subway system. So if at any point, I'm like, I can't go any further. I'll just get on the subway and comeback which I up done while I just ride tomato gas and then get on the subway. You you've got to really be careful in this town in this day of people texting while they're driving a, yeah, they don't care, and if you're killed on a bicycle no one feels sorry for you. You just think everyone at your funeral is like what a dick he was on a bike absolutely in a dense urban area. And if you've ever been to if you go to the funeral of someone who died while skydiving, right no-one's crying. That's right, or you're just cruelly laughing or cardiac arrest from crack. Yes. There's no what a loss. You're right. Right. That's always present. In my mind, if I'm badly hurt on the bike tear free funeral tear free funeral my fault. Yeah. Even in heaven. No one's talking to me feel like it's very weird. I genuinely juggled are wrestle with this. Which is I do have kids in. I have things I love doing. And I do I think like what dick if you're at that funeral and I have two little kids. Everyone's gonna be like what a fucking dick. He had to ride a motorcycle. He didn't get enough motorcycle riding in thirty years before he had kids. You know, we've talked about this you still ride a motorcycle, I do and you're just going to ride a motorcycle the rest of your life might be short like you can choose. You can choose not to split lanes in dense traffic, you can make smart decisions on a motorcycle. I'd argue that's more dangerous, but not splitting lanes. Really? Yes. Because you look at states without lane. Splitting laws of. A high percentage of the fatalities are people getting rear ended by other motorists who are texting they don't fuck and see the stop motorcycle than they blow through. So if you're always moving faster than the traffic, you at least you have some kind of control over getting rear ended minimally. Do you like that? Excellent. You bought shit. That's what I told my wife. I buy that. I think mostly what you have going for years you've been I think you've been riding a motorcycle since you are to roughly roughly, I think you came out on some kind of motorized bicycle I did my birth. My dad took me home on the gas tank of an enduring you shot out of the vaginal canal, like evil knievel. That's right. And landed on the other side of the canyon. I yeah. That so you know what you're doing? You'll be fine. I'll be fine. Now. What kind of parents? Did you have? I do have. They're still alive. Okay. But I guess I mean in childhood could've all maybe they're really laid back. Now, they are more laid back than they were there Irish Catholic, they're very Irish. Catholic if you what's the most Irish Catholic, you could be. Yeah. My parents. Took an and take their all schism seriously. And so I grew up in their very funny, and I love him to death. But it's funny in some ways, I think they adopted some of the mores that their parents and their grandparents handed to them and brought it into the twentieth century sort of unfiltered. So in some ways, I feel like I grew up in olden times. Does that make sense? You're sure for example, where traditional well. There's a fear of alcoholism. And for good reason, if you're hardcore Irish Catholic, so I grew up in a dry house. Oh, really? Yeah. No alcohol. Okay. No alcohol. I did. I don't think I've told anybody this. I grew up in a house where there's no alcohol I've never seen. My parents hold a glass of alcohol and in my life. I think at my wedding. I saw my dad like holding a glass of champagne, but he probably didn't drink it. Right. And. Because of that. I did not drink till? I was twenty six years old. Really? Yeah. And how are you as a drinker, you're fine with it? I'm fine with it. I am a if I get I think. My I don't do hard spirits. Not a guy goes up to the bar and says give me I don't even know if people were talking about when they say give me a whiskey Gimblett with a jab job. I don't know what they're talking today. Is that a rusty nail? Oh, yeah. Delicious, by the way, asking Monica. She knows what the drinks are Monica still very much in the game. I still she's thirty one and she lives in Hollywood. She's an actress. So yes, she has like or will we the Moscow mules? Hop in its looks frosty. I will try those drinks every now, and then if I'm need to sometimes be in a location, I was shooting a travel show in Berlin staying in a hotel there, and they had Moscow mules and copper Cup, and I had the Moscow mule. And it was it was pleasant. But I'm mostly stick to wine a wine. Yeah. I stick to wine. You do you really like, and I am. I don't I am okay. With it. I don't have an addiction issue at very much like to be in control. I don't like the way you feel when you have too much when I get a I guess a buzz on jar. I become I think I'm a nice person. I'd become three times nicer. Yeah. Which is very interesting. So I am very solicitous of people's feelings. If I've had like three or four glasses of red. Wine. I and this is I'm being honestly, the on the sincere with you. I would want to help you in any way. Dax is there any way I can help you. I I like you. I'm not an I love you, man guy. I don't say I love you. But I I promised to get involved in your life and help you in any way, you start feeling really benevolent. Yeah, I'm very benevolent, very generous. And then sweet it's really nice people have told me that they've had the nicest conversations, you know, what I've done every now and then when I've gotten somewhat buzzed. I'll say, and I send a a texture in Email you wake up the next morning. And you know that dread. You have that. Oh my God. I would I say for a lot of people. It is something they dread. I mean, it is something worth reading because they read it later on. And it's and it's like you think you're good buzz June tier and I had read to Bure asks open with. Whatever. And I always look at my later on because it's like, oh my God. I know I sent them something at two in the morning, and we really had a nice time. And then I read it it's beautifully written and sweet and sex Saint. And I'm like, oh my God. That's my drunk text. It's like the best version of my dry. Yes. It is a it is a better version of myself. Well, it sounds to me like your getting the effects that normally you get from MD MA from ecstasy, but just through drinking. So you're saying is I'm not done ecstasy. Should I do it all hundred percent? I dunno. You again that you said wouldn't even know where to get it. I'll I'll find some flow. Okay. I'm someone who I would say in the. Boy, I don't think it's the case. Now now that I've had a lot of therapy and worked on a lot of my stuff and continue to work on a lot of my stuff, but I would say in the eighties and nineties I'm someone who would have been healthier if I had been drinking or taking some kind of drug your mile drug like a, you know, if I've been smoking pot. Yeah roberts. Michael has not live once told me, you're the only person I know who I think would live longer if you smoked. Yeah. Because I was so Kida idly while I was so intense about what I was doing when he said it at even take it as a joke, it it clicked on. But he's he's right. If I had a pack of Marlboros, and I had a lighter, and I just stepped outside the writers movie now, and then and smoke the couple and came back in whatever damage that did the my lungs and my heart. Would be offset by the peace of mind at gave me. Yeah. I kind of believe that I have the gene the head sort of Aiking, gene, truce the two days ago. I got up over the weekend. I got up. I. Didn't have a great night's sleep. I went downstairs my wife had made coffee strong coffee. I had four cups of coffee went back upstairs and went to bed up for two hours. Now, I have I don't there's a buzzsaw inside of me that grinds through medications and same thing. If I go to the dentist, and they give me novacaine, they'll give me much more than other people. And then they go to do it. And I feel everything and they say, oh, yeah, you're one of those year redhead. So I guess that's the thing. You're like so this is areas. Maybe you're metabolising all the image Tabatai's it and spit it out. Yeah. Your machine, you know, if you're if you're, you know, hard core Irish, which you are you're as I like that you're pure. I am obscure Irish people. No, I am. I am about is. I am more Irish than most people. You would find an iron hundred percent in this over very high currents of addiction. And that that the gene y'all diction, gene, so likely that. Yeah. You just have the good chemistry to like handle all that shit. Where were your parents abstinence from alcohol a reaction to their parents or their parents had been dry as well? Oh, they were talking about all grant, all grandparents all four grandparents. Goodness. Both grandfathers both grandmothers never alcohol never touch their lips. This is the thing. If you come from. Central massachusetts. And it's the nineteenth early twentieth century, and you live in farm country and your Irish Catholic there are two ways you can fuck up your life one is with alcohol and the others to get someone pregnant before your marriage them. It is instilled in you without even being spoken. It's passed on through the jeans. That's the way to fuck up. That's the way to lose your life and be disgraced. So the strictures the mores about, you know, sex and alcohol are really hard core in you listened. You know, what's interesting. I did I lost my virginity during Obama's second term. Okay. Right. Right. And that was gonna bring that up. And that's during that you had your first. Yeah. Might my first vote and thank God. You waited so long. I waited a long come on. Yeah. And. But I wanna what your parents do. Well, my they're very smart people, and they were both sort of the Irish Catholic Rockstars of of the forties and fifties there their parents had not gone to college. My mom's dad directed traffic in downtown Worcester, Massachusetts, Worcester mass. Yeah. And my mom will start with my mom, my mom, a completely through hard work. Got herself a full scholarship to Vassar Noche back when not a lot of Irish Catholic women from Worcester. Late fifties or th- that would be no no that you know, late forties early fifties. And then she got herself a full scholarship to Yale Law School at the county. So and then she has all these amazing stories inch. It's funny, she'll tell stories about well when I first started clerking for a state, you know, at like Ruth baiter Ginsburg story yet. Really? Yeah. Ruth, Bader Ginsburg, stole my mom's story. Okay. That makes sense. Now, my mom was one of those people that did this incredible thing then went to work for a big law firm, and again, this is a time think early madman episodes. Yeah, they're treating her very well imagining. You know, she always was very she was not bitter at all. She would just say, oh, I loved everyone was very nice to me. And then she'll tell a story about well. There was a time that we were working on a big case. And then it was time to eat lunch in everyone went into the executive dining room, but they were nice. They set up a little table for me. Out in the hallway because women weren't allowed in the in a executive dining room, and in rather than anger or spite she just has this and has this. That's kind of what it was. And that's what we dealt with. And it was okay. And I got through it. And then she had six kids home same time one every three weeks for how they're sure. So unique genetic ability of the Irish is that we can we can have three babies a year. She never checked out of the hospital. She just she did not. She was like, I'm good. I liked his bed. So one a year for while. There's a practicality to that generation is sure, you know, today. There's a lot of I think much more awareness of Asli with me too movement knows different which which are fantastic and people are speaking out, and they're talking and there's much more of an awareness, and I feel this is a much better world from my daughter. Oh, for example. Feels and so everything is happening. Now, I think I'm thank God. Because my daughter this is the world that she's coming into. And there's going to be heightened awareness. You know, my mom that didn't exist in nineteen forty nine nineteen fifty. And so there's a practicality there. There's like well. What's push ahead? Yeah. Well, so I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you a history question. I what I figured out that I like about reading history, which you, and I share in common is it is comforting to me to recognize that, oh it was much worse. It's always been much much worse. Exactly. It's it's pertinent to know. And I think generally people don't have great grasp of what it actually was like it's not to say you shouldn't keep fighting very hard to move forward. But also recognize like there's been some pretty amazing progress. All you have to do is. I mean, it's one of the reasons I love also loved to read history. Is that right now, we're at a time when there many young people not just gen Xers, but millennials and they're tearing their hair out saying, it's never been this bad. And I keep saying to them. Oh, no. It's always been awful. It's always been awful and not only has it been awful. But this nation of ours has been a work in progress. She managed he's been a work in progress the twentieth century me, first of all the nineteenth century was terrible. And everyone thought when the nineteenth centuries over there's a new century now. Twentieth century and mankind is getting smarter and countries. Now have they share a banking system? We rely on each other. So literally in nineteen o five and nineteen o. Eight people are writing essays saying they will never be war again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we have or you look like the world fair is back. Yeah. It was almost like they were celebrating. We've finished finished. We're done. We're done. Actress city done we have electric city and only only one out of three children die. The four five now. So hip hip for us. I say, but then you look at the twentieth century and between World War One World War One was so awful. So dreadful it's very hard to explain to anybody. How tear it just imagine giant meat grinders that you're feeding the the fruit of a generation to on both sides. And that that runs on for four years and nothing is accomplished. And when it's over. No one knows why we even did that and the tables perfectly set now for world. Yeah, bigger. Yeah. And then World War Two is in many ways worse, and then that ends with us inventing nuclear weapons and just know people said we've never been more split as a country. And I keep saying there was a four year war when one side of the country was trying to kill the other. And then I had this thought the other day, which is could there be a civil war now? Now. And then I thought that'd be tricky because none of the states that don't get along. They're they're they're not attached to each other. When it was north versus south. Yeah. A whole chunk could say we're together, and you could travel from South Carolina. The Mason Dixon line now. Well, California has linked forces with New York. And you think well, how do we wait a minute. How does that work? And then and then I think to myself, it's not even California and New York, it San Francisco in Los Angeles have linked forces with Manhattan, but upstate New York hates Manhattan is so Resnick invading Fresno is invading Los Angeles Bakersfield is helping Fresno all of Oregon's closing in on Portland on Portland. Yeah. And then exactly. And then there are you know, Portland has trying to join forces with Seattle, but east Washington has attacked where we're all going to be so busy with our podcasts that that would be now we'll be overrun it'll be a bunch of hipsters making. I just made a gin that's pure. So dad, dad, dad dad must be kinda confident guy because is is is misogynistic. As this sounds to say it takes. Of an evolved man in the fifties to be married to women pursuing a career in law. I think he liked that she was bringing money in E L K good. I'm going to say that. And also my dad is similar situation. My dad is my dad is an was I think highly evolved, my dad's also brilliant guy on his side. He went and got full scholarship. Holy Cross college than full scholarship to Harvard Medical School. Oh, what he's like y'all just watch. Someone less impressed now with your accomplishing. Yeah. You should have been present anything shy of president time fail. Talk guys still time. I mission. I you heard still time there's still time on twenty twenty eight. I think twenty five even though only forty I thought even lines out if I don't like this. There's someone out there who knows immediately. Nope. That's not an election year. Yeah. But no he's and then he kinda doctor microbiologist and he in the early seventies was saying we're over prescribing antibiotics and everyone was like shot up. Yeah. Antibiotics? Great. What's the problem? Yeah. And he and a few other people literally a handful were saying L there could be antibiotic resistance. Sure and people would be like shut up nerd, and my they've shoved my dad's head into a toilet. And and then give all the cattle in the area giant mouthfuls? Streptomycin or whatever. And my dad was so using research in and still to this day. I don't think he wants me giving out his age, but he still goes into the lab and putters around. Yeah. He goes into the lab working to mean, his big project in his life has been trying to figure out how to track worldwide is there a way to track worldwide. And I'm sure I'm I'm butchering the essence of what he's trying to do. I'm just trying to give you the basics. But how to track worldwide if there is an if there's a resistant bacteria in in in Chile, and it's how can we know if it's also showing up an Amsterdam, and what does that mean? And what's the best way to combat it? So my dad started back when they had punch cards. He was trying to work on a computer system. Big IBM. Yeah. Now, he's got this computer network, and he's got these young people working. For him. That's a fun fact of history that IBM was sending guys over to help the Nazis with their computers. You know that with the punch cards. I didn't know that. We'd better fact check that might get sued. But yeah, I believe that they were just gonna toss that stuff out does slander Danan yogurt. Was actually a pet project of Himmler's. We're just gonna start saying stuff. More armchair. If you there. We are brought to you by sleep number a device that gives me a beautiful night's sleep. Very well rested. Very very well rested. My sleep number is eighty five my partners low down in the seventies. I'm firm, she's a little softer personalities very much like our personalities. Thanks for pointing that out. Listen to holidays are upon us. Guys, treat yourself sometimes. You know what I'm saying? I g you work hard all year by yourself a present. 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Get fifteen percent off a pair of the most comfortable undies you'll ever put on to get your fifteen percent off your first pair, free shipping and one hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed. Go to me on these dot com slash Dax. That's Mundy's dot com slash the axe. So it's a foregone conclusion that you're going to have to go to Harvard, right? No, no. They not go like, hey, you, we did it. We know they did not do that at all. Because when when both your parents are working and they're six kids. There was a I'm going to say healthy amount of we're not going to say chaos. Okay. But what number are you in there? I'm the third. Oh perfect. Yeah. So you're a middle child. And. Yeah. So might none of my neither of my older brothers went there. And my sisters didn't go there. And then my youngest brother who's much younger than I am forty years younger than I am. I just threw that out for fun attention. He ended up go. There teen seem like that. The. It's all very nice. Very nice. Yeah. He's he. But yeah, it was not Newell go there. I think they were happy to see us go to a college real quick logistical question. Who on earth was raising? You guys was the older brothers and charge. When my mom didn't work for a while when I was young. So she took time off to have my brothers and my sisters, and then she went back to work. Okay. Just before she had just in the last number one child will. Yeah. So so she was around. She was at home. Were you the person that alleviated tension? I. A teenager in the mix and like a terrible to in the mix. I remembered I was highly anxious kid, okay? Very anxious, and what brand of anxiety fearful of the future, or no, I just a free floating. It took me a long time to figure this out. You know, what I kept journals when I was a kid, and I there's somewhere, but I don't know where that I. And I've tried to find them, and I can't. But there's part of me that doesn't wanna find them because I think they were pretty dreary fourth fifth, sixth seventh grade. I was a pretty intense anxious kid who did you have a sense of like I've got to accomplish some the out of the gates. I did yet just genetically. We know what I don't understand. I've thought I've thought about it a lot. And I've thought about what may be. I was extremely. Determined yet as a young kid, and I don't know where that comes from. And I have a theory that some people just have that. Sure. And it's inside them, and you can put them anywhere. You can put them in Antarctica. But if they're meant to do what they're gonna do. They're going to end if they're meant to be in comedy. They're gonna somehow get Joan upright citizens brigade. And then they're gonna get an audition for San L little satellite, something satellite. UCB? Yeah. They're gonna they're gonna figure it out. And I mean, well is it you have children's. So I wonder if you've had this experience where like my oldest. We have this poll that supports awning in our backyard in I just watching your through window. So it's not to impress me or anything. She just tried to start scaling it. And she just did it over and over and over again for about ninety minutes until she got to the top. And I thought well I can't teach her that she just June. She has. I don't know why she has that she she just won't quit. She's going to be a stripper. I officer. You take from it. System. Sass obsessed with working poll, and I'm sorry. I overlook the very up is thing. I was thinking japodlay she asks her tips during it throughout. She did ask for now that I see I thought she took her shirt off to get more traction on the poll all may say almost pour some sugar on me playing. No there is you know, you cannot you cannot instill that in somebody. That's in them or it is not in them. But the ego, right? The ego a little bit to acknowledge that or admit that it takes a little bit of the accomplishment away from do do you think? Like, if you if you don't diagnose like what the fuel in the tank is in you go like, well, I guess I was just hardwired to do this than you feel a little less. You know, proud of yourself. You know, I think this is a big thing with me humility, it's a big word from me. I'm getting raged by people that think they are where they are. Because they. Completely got themselves there. And I remembered once at this analogy where I was living on the east coast. I was working on Senate live, and I used to sometimes take Amtrak to go. Visit my parents, and I remember being on an Amtrak train and getting on and all the seats were taken. And I was standing there. And this some of the people that were sitting had a real superior attitude about the fact that they had a seat, and I remember the guy looking in Noida that like, wow, these people standing here like why didn't they just get seats? And I thought this is perfect. You know, I got on later than you. Did you got on earlier and you have a seat, and I've always had a lot of empathy for I think growing up the way I grew up and having a lot of anxiety and being a terrible athlete when I was a kid and not quite figuring out. What my jam was, you know, comedy, which was my super weapon was something that was only known to my really good. Friends of shy. You aren't a class clown is not and I've always said class clowns rarely make it in comedy. Like, Steve Martin was probably not a class, clown know class clowns, Diane motel shootouts, you know, the the the kid straddle both lines. Yeah. You I was a class clown. I got class clown. Yeah. And, but yeah, I was you know, in a lot of those motels where almost you've been shot at many times, you have returned fire, and you've gone out the back, but I jokingly I guess my point is I don't know why I have that thing in me that makes me need to do this. Yeah. And I've kinda given up trying to figure it out. It wasn't because you were trying to break the stress of the house that wasn't your role as it. I would say where you're trying to beat people to making fun of you. I like there's some kind of pretty well worn pass to develop a sense, relax it. And so I had end still are. Yes, some permanently dislike secretary. You know, you really you're you're in the past tense and always sorry. I was dyslexic fifth time you point out my ten. He's just us. Right. I'm just keeping you honest. I will say that. Yes. I do think that I was aware of some level of tension. You know? And I think there's some misconceptions about my mom didn't go back to work till later in the game. And my dad is working in academic medicine. And there's six kids. So there's. If you had the perfect parents. Yeah, it was an area. It was there was some. There was some creative chaos there. And they're not drinking to alleviate. Like if you're dad what it came home and had like three high balls much better childhood skip. I mean when you're eating for is the parent that can hit that sweet spot. You don't want either. You don't wanna sober or an alcoholic you want the right up the middle of the bewitched dad who comes home and says make me a stiff one he has a drink or two. But he never seems intoxicate. No. But he's he's so much more tolerant of hearing about everyone's day. He has endless patience now. Yeah. Right because that's slow subtle buzzes sneaking in so always, exactly. So I'm yeah. I desperately think that my childhood was ruined. Because my father wasn't a heavy drinker. What I'm saying? That's you know, that's the take when we promote this episode. That'll be like kind of the catchline. Yeah. The so mish. You're not drinking for yourself. You're drinking for your shoulder. But you get to Harvard. You have this crazy compulsion to succeed in you work. Crazy hard. You know, you have an insane work. I that was what I took away from the stern interview. I at at the risk of sounding, you know, you don't want to you don't want to. I mean, I see it in other people to like it and someone like Tina Fey Tina Fey who I have incredible respect for. I look at her. And I say she has an insane work ethic. G has a very hard core work ethic. And I'm so impressed with her career accomplishments. But I'm also impressed by the fact that that she I know she's always seemed to me like someone who has a really strong, moral, compass and works very very, very hard. And I think there's she's not an accident. There's no Tina Fey is an animal, and and I really believe in those. I think it's like have a good moral, compass and work, really hard. There's a very dicey observation to make. But I think you, and I both agree that like Chris Farley just born like point a camera at him put him on a stage. No matter what's happening. Just or Belushi. There's been you know, and people are, and and then there are people that that just broke their fucking back in create. So you're you're you didn't come out like Chris Farley. No, you're you're like, I'm going to right? That's a safe spot for me. You know, what it was? I think what it was. There are things you have that you're born with and I very early on could make people laugh. I don't think that's something. You can. Well, I'm not funny, but I'm gonna work really hard. Well, yeah. You know, I do think what you can do is maximize. What you have. Yeah. And so long before I was working at at anything. I mean for the longest time. Even well into college. I didn't think comedy was a profession. I honestly did not think it was a profession. I thought and gonna probably have to go to law school, or I might go to the school of government. I may be a serious writer. It didn't occur to me until I got on the college humor magazine and saw that other people had turned comedy writing career that the thing I enjoyed most was something that you could do for a living. So he's been funny to me is that people it the minute. It was this thing I worked so hard to do when I was a kid because I had a compulsion to get somewhere. I knew I had to get somewhere. But I didn't know where but I knew I had to get somewhere. And then I get to Harvard, and it was a real arduous journey from me. Anyway, that's how it felt and other people could say sure white guy. Sure whose parents went to great colleges. Sure, it was really hard. But for me it felt like a token ask adventure. With many missteps along the way, but then I get into Harvard, and once I get into comedy, all I wanted to do is live it down a hate even talking about it because it brings there's all this baggage that comes with it were people think oh Harvard guy, and you think oh, no I'd so if I could rewrite my bio right now and just lose that would which is so ironic knows they worked so hard to get there. I've had a few people on here who went to Harvard, and I bring this up all time a good friend of mine. Christine Caine, she went to Harvard, and I've been with her many times when people college comes up in every time that she has to say, I went to Harvard. Everyone's a. And they immediately go to mocking thing. And I was like it would what thing to observe. I would have thought this is something you'd be so proud of your whole life inches of big pay now. Yes, now, and Mike sure pointed out yes is much as I refused to bitch about going over. I will say you have to like try to get around. It. You say I go into school in Boston. There's all the acts you guys now. Yeah. Most importantly, I don't even care about the Harvard of it. But the the the Harvard lampoon so and I just saw this for the first time, I didn't know that you got to have this little castle. Right. You have like a clubhouse, and there's an area that only you guys have been in. Yeah. Is it like Hogwarts as there's something exciting going on in there? Or would it disappoint me? If you've been to the playboy mansion, no they actually invited me once in like the nineties, and I said, no. And they were like they were like, what do you mean? No, they actually the woman on the line said would you mean? No. And I said it's not going to be good. If I go I'm going to be self conscious. And she kept saying, wait, what are you talking about? And I said, look if I go everyone's going to have. Less fun. And I talked myself out of going to the playboy mansion. Well, I wish you had gone because I went once for Halloween party. And as I arrive on like, oh, my God there it is. It's amazing. And there's a game room and everything and then upon every everytime. You got closer to something. You're like, well, that's a really old phone system. Oh, a few the buttons are broken off in just slowly you realize the whole thing was just real rundown shit. That is the best what you just said unwittingly you've stumbled upon no. Fallen ass backwards something, Hugh, like, Mr. Magoo. Late clues. You tripped? And solve the case that might experience in life has been over and over and over and over again is that if you idolize something if you idealize something if you put a place or a person up on a shelf, the best thing, you can do is go and experience it, and I'll say it about look Harvard's a fine school. But I have not spent my life going. You've the wonders I it's a place. Sure. She had some place I've met some really smart people there. I met some really dumb people there. They have no magic beans there that they're giving you and then I had the same experience over and over again in show business we like the greatest gift in life. I've ever been given is to been given. So many of my wildest dreams to recognize all those things won't make me feel different inside much. Is I was certain they would. So even use you even though I know that I think about you being SNL in the time that you were there, and I think no, it must have been magical. But it was well, I'm gonna I'm gonna qualify this. There are magical moments. There are moments that. Still to this day, you know, because it's a point in your life. So I'm not gonna lie there little moments here and there in anyone's life, and I'm sure in your life as well. There are moments. You have that stand out that get this sort of golden hue over time definitely being that young and going to turn out live and suddenly. Being in the room pitching an idea to Steve Martin mean that's the one the one of the mazing things about at live. Is that Lorne? I don't know where he got this. But I hadn't been in show business that long but before Senate live, but the experiences I had were very much you Wade out here while we go through the six levels. And then go talk to the talent Senate live, you suddenly you get to this place. I dunno as twenty four I think maybe and they say, yeah. Steve Martin's in their go. Tell them some ideas 'cause the hose people, maybe don't know. Right. The host they spend the week there. And they're generally part of the writing. Yes, that's right. They come in. And so you'd go in and there is your idol, your absolute idol, your idol, Steve Martin changed. My. Concept of how funny a human being could be that holds for me that you're Steve Martin guy. Yes. Yeah. You know, it's funny because these things are generational did things that I didn't think you were allowed to do. And I'm not talking about like the arrow through the head kind of Steve Martin, right? But his just his attitude his completely brash attitude, and then what I love is the intersection of smart and silly to circles, and when you can get them close to each other. There's this place where they intersect this little point this this this narrow section were smart and silly come together. And that guy nailed it. And then and then attached like a ten thousand volt battery to it. I just couldn't believe I was in the same room with them a. Yeah. And now he tells me I'm his hero. Does that drew? No, okay. But I kept Sira really. Did you held it long enough? I held it. And I stared at you. You know, what I was doing is going through in my mind like his Conan done something. I don't know about like, did you save some people that were at as I say 'time rescue I need and Marty shore were in a decoding they weren't at dinghy, and it was going under. And I was in my house as you are. Yes. The SS entitled and save them. Yeah. Okay. That makes a lot more sense to me. Now, I think there's a really an I don't know that you've looked back on your life in and actually thought about it this way, but you've done some uniquely brave things. And I don't know if they were motive what they were motivated out of I'm curious, but you were at Saturday Night Live for three years, and that's a dream job for anyone that went to Harvard and was in the Harvard lampoon and then after three years, you quit that show. Yeah. And I didn't have another job at the time. Right. And this this to me. Seems very inconsistent with someone who's kind of Taipei and plotting and gets into Harvard. So it's like you you're very much taking the safe road so often than what was happening. Can I guess? Yeah. So you had anxiety. I think you were drawn to writing because you can control that world on that piece of paper. Yeah. Right. So it's like, you're totally powerful and effective on this typewriter in. I don't know. That's what it appeals to performing about me, as when do you think when do you think I was writing typewriter? In the fifties. When you started writing the lamp, it was a steam powered typewriter, non sorry. You were moving the movable type set when I was etching the blocks dip in the ink. But did you see I know that you're very drawn to control. Here's something you can control. Here's what I think. I I 'cause I've thought about this a lot. It's the salting the sweet it's the in in the Yang. It's the tension between control and lack of control. So there's two parts of me. None of us are one thing. But I am exactly two things. I desperately want control and craftsmanship and I desperately want chaos and. To be challenged. Yeah. And those two things are constantly. I mean, there's it's it's a struggle because I commit to things I say, I'll do it. And that's the brave part of me. And then it starts to come upon me that I have to perform at the White House correspondent dinner fuck and and follow President Obama in front of a hostile crowd. And I'm like why why did I and then, you know, sheer panic and then work ethic. Let's work really hard all the time to come up with the best joke. It's almost like you're creating situation. Create micro. You'll have to dig your identity similar thing. And that's what I do is say, yes, and no that court disaster. And then his white till young people all the time you have less to lose than you think I several times. My career ads. What blows my have said. Yes, I'll do that. And I'm scared. A as I'm saying it. Yeah. It's not that. I'm insane. Or have a tumor. Right. I'm very aware as I'm saying, I will do that that this is potentially disastrous in life ending. Yeah. And then I start going to work getting myself out of the jam. So similarly, I was going to UCLA going through the ground lanes, and then three days a week going on benders. So as like crazy, focus control freak and then I needed to just right? I needed relief from that. I it was it was uncomfortable being that way. Yeah. So my hunch is that you're at ASA now in your pretty much doing about his spectaculars. You can do it twenty four years old in maybe you're just going. Okay. We'll I I was expecting a certain feeling. From all this in that. I don't have that feeling and I need to kind of regroup did. Yeah. I think I. I also had was in a relationship that had just ended. Uh-huh. And wanted to reset. I just wanted to complete reset. So I- sounds absurd. But I quit down at live. Didn't have a job didn't have a place to stay my friend. Eric found me an apartment that. I could stay on the west side because the people there were gone for like a month. So I stayed there. I bought a book of shameless Heaney poetry and walked around New York and sat on benches reading it. And I say it now and I'm ashamed of course. Ari sorry that I I walked around New York and read poetry on a bench. A lot of people saw your like fucking. Something. I literally I literally I literally wrapped a a magazine around the poetry books. So people would think I was a little your. We're not missing. You is not like, you're you're not blending in. No, it was bad. What tall red hat? I now it looked like it was bad. It was like big bird from Sesame Street was reading Berthold Iraq there. You know? I was completely lost nuts when there was an opportunity to Simpson's. And I which they didn't hire much back. They were not they were still I think pretty much working off the original group. Right. And I got extremely lucky because I got in there you now people are always coming up and saying like, wow, you know, seasons. Whatever with that. I was there. I can't remember four or five signed e one to ninety three. Yeah. They're like. Wow. That had very very little if nothing to do with me. I hit the sweet spot. It was really nice. It was there. I think you're being none. I'll let me tell you something. Because before you got there this show. Was very realistic sitcom cartoon, and while you were there it transformed into a very surreal show. And I think what people love about the show is it surrealness in its Conan O'Brien mass. No. But for real it out. There was a radical shift in ability of the show. Yeah. People that worked with you. There have said publicly that they believe you would have been the show runner of that show had you stuck around. So I don't think we can underestimate your significance in that show, and and the paradigm shift that occurred while you were there, so just take the fucking competent. Right. You're a big on heart of why that show is weird and unique and wonderful, Mike. I'm curious. Can you watch that show after you left? You know, it's funny. I didn't. Okay. I didn't not because of any you know, snobbery or anything like or I don't need that anymore. I left to do the late night show, and I did nothing, but. Eat sleep breathe. The late night show for years and years. That's all. I did. Yeah. And I mean, just isn't watch anything. I I just had that feeling though. Like, I I don't enjoy going to see improv shows 'cause I'm an improv. I don't I want to get on the stage and do it. I can't really enjoy. It's like watching other people Faulk. I don't really wanna do that. I love to watch other. I do too. That was terrible. Maybe the worst ever made in my watch people fuck with you. That's true. That's true. And I have walked through Hendra park, and we have looked for people who are having sex men. And when we look in the window, and we watch them where you have done that countless time, and you have said, this is the best moment of my life. Every time I like this more than fucking because. Earning. Yeah. You're absolutely right. It was whatever. But, but I just wonder if you if you had watched that show, you would have felt like you would have felt a sense of like missing at like, oh that would have been fun to know. Oh, I don't have any. I. Don't care how the sounds is. Just the truth. I'm someone who would rather. Rule in hell than serve in heaven. So very much for me. I always wanted to make my thing shar, and I will you need a real good dose arrogance to make it in this business for an calling guess what? Call it what you want. But I the whole time I was at the Simpsons and as much as I love that show. And and I have rediscovered the Simpsons through my son back 'cause he started about a year ago watching the Simpsons and loving it and worked his way starting from the beginning, then hit my episodes. And was like, hey, I mean, I actually the first time seen him have like a glint in his eye of the old man had had a fastball once. But no one gets that. It didn't last long. But I- rediscovered the show and have been watching them and just skipping around watching all these episodes with him and been blown away. How I mean, gee, you know, shows from years and years and years after I was there and being blown away by the creativity and laughing out loud at the cleverness of the jokes. And just I mean, I'm stunned that the the the crew at the Simpsons has been able to keep it going to maintain to maintain that is unheard of. Because even Saturday Night Live it goes through these walls. It's like, yeah, they rediscover, you know, I think one of the things about the Simpsons that helps is that the reference points always the same. Whereas it started out live to cast you to cast changes. And so you can completely, you know. It's like if you don't check him with your baseball team for like three seasons. You turn it. It's all different people. Yes. Is the Simpsons? You are anchored with theirs Marge. There's Lisa there's Homer, there's Bart. You're locked in. And I think that makes it a completely different situation. But I wanted to make my thing I wanted to make something that stank of Conan and that was Coenen knee. And I and that is probably would call whatever you want narcissism, we go whatever you wanna call it. But I just that was my compulsion was I would. And I remembered once when I would used to get up on stage at the groundlings induce stuff, and I would act out one of my sketches at the groundlings. I wasn't getting paid. You not make your pain. Yeah. You're paying pain to be there of fatal, and I would add I I'm paying money to be up on this day JR. And when it was going, well, I was much happier than I was as part of a large institution that was making something that someone else. Invented. Yeah. As much as I admired that I I mean, I on credible respect for a very writing on a TV shows very collaborative. It's there's compromises there's a network note pass there's there's legal. There's all these things that you could feel like are just slowly taking the Zoff of the thing. You Ridgely wanna do? So it just inherently has a lot of compromise built into it. So yeah, you long to just go buck. I wanna try my exact thing. Yeah. I wanna do with thing where you're getting a mainline shot of Conan the fact that I'm even describing this using my name in the third version, or is problematic is very proud. And I acknowledged that I'm aware of that. But that's what I wanted to armchair. If you there. We are supported by. Ring ring is the coolest new invention in home security. It's so easy to install next me feel so safe. I mean, a lot of these things are complicated to figure out ring is not one of those things. You can stay connected to your home anywhere in the world. If you're getting a package delivered or a surprise visitor. You'll get in the learn you'll be able to see here in speak to them all from your phone. You could be in Beijing and communicate with your ups driver at the theater. It's incredible. It's got HD video and two way audio features. You also joined this community if you choose to which I have and you can see what's happening in your neighborhood that other people's rings or capturing very for a voyeur like myself. It's intriguing as a listener you have a special offer on a ring starter kit available right now with the video doorbell and motion activated floodlight Cam the starter kit has everything you need to start building. A ring of security around your home. Just go to ring dot com slash Dax. That's ring dot com. Slash DAX. Here's the second time that I think you're crazy. You were on the Simpsons that was going. Well, I'm sure they cherish you. I'm sure you making a lot of money for a young guy and this opportunity came up Letterman was leaving. And Lauren approach you to be a producer on the replacement, whoever they would be I was not thrilled with being a producer on something where there was no talent signed up, you know. So I actually partied company. I said like I, you know, I don't want to do that. And I went my way and assumed that I would just be reading soon about somebody else being the host of late night. Right. And I guess they weren't seeing the person that they wanted or they couldn't find the right? They didn't know. And then. I think Lauren was talking to Gavin Pallone and Gavin said, hey, look Conan could probably do it. And learn was jinked cone and could do it in wasn't Gavin your he was my agent. Yeah. He was right. Because you often see agents take a tremendous amount of credit for things they another new. But in this case this in good stories. Yeah. He I mean Yavan had seen me do stuff. And I think Lauren had also I had been Jim down. He was always a big booster of mine and certain alive. And I think he had I used to perform for the writers while I was gonna say you in this was kind of your role. I've been told Laura has it. So when you're pitching stories or bits or jokes, you would often act them out in so you there's an inherent. That's actually how I wrote is. I I wouldn't sit down with a piece of paper and write I would do things in from either my friends I remembered once I was out with. Goes out in midtown Manhattan just walking around with Robert smuggle. Bob Odenkirk, Greg Daniels and this attractive girl started to go by and I wasn't doing it. So they could hear me. But I'd be like, well, she's you know, she's looking pretty sweet. And you know, an end the girl would walk by an go, and my penises too small and yet behaves to fact, and they and my they just started laughing. And then I I kept doing it. Those are the kind of things that would just say very confident on the approach. But then in the same it just cracked me up that with the same confidence listing. The reasons why she passed me by they were like that's his right? Let's write that up. And then they all we all wrote it up together. And then Tom Hanks did it, and we called it the girl watchers, and I remembered at the time L Franken just saying why did you think of this? When I was like, I don't know. I was just doing it. Right. My brother. Luke said something that mental ought to me a couple of weeks ago. It was the twenty five years to the day that that we'd started the late night show. It was September thirteenth two thousand eighteen remember the loop just posted this thing on Facebook. He said people keep saying to me, I can't believe you're brother's been doing a show for twenty five years in. He said I've been telling all of them he's been doing that show his entire life. And that is exactly true. Right. Which is I always was doing a show, and I was constantly. Doing a show it if you sent me to camp up in New Hampshire, I was doing a show in the cabin for kids. And I was always doing a show, and I did it compulsively it wasn't a plan. I just that's what I did. Yeah. And the thing is I wasn't. I was shy. This is hard to explain I was shy. But then when I little funny ideas would come to me, and I would work up the nerve to sometimes do them in front of other people and I'd get a laugh, but then I'd retreat again, and it was not brazen. I was not like, hey, everybody. Check me out. Yeah. But that would you the rare distinction of class clown? Yes. Class clown, and you we all know it became obvious. How jealous you are of no clowns class clowns either killed in a motel shootout they end up. They end up above a garage podcast either way. It's just sorry. And ari. And so so Gavin says why don't you try think and let let's let me just be. Really cleared. There's probably documents somewhere that exactly say what happened because this is all turned into lower to some regard. But the broad strokes are Lorne says to me would you be interested in auditioning? And I thought yeah, addition is one of those times you said, yes. And then I remember thinking remembered thinking. Could this really happen? I mean, I'm I'm twenty nine. Yeah. They're replacing the biggest star on television. Yeah. I have no on camera experience. I'm reading books in the par exam reading books in the park. I'm not, you know, I'm not camera ready in so many ways, I'm not ready in any way, and that help actually calm. You're no, no, no. It was I visit helps me when I go in. And I go all over I met my bass too. When I can't get I misunderstood. Yes. If you watch my addition, I'm incredibly relaxed in my addition because I thought this isn't going to happen, right? That's liberated then I got very scared after the addition because everyone had kind of a, wow that was good. Yeah. Five and I was retroactively frightened. I was frightened. Wait a minute. What did I just do? You just submitted a very good applications wrote. A check your ass can't cash. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. I did it again. Because then there was there was a couple of weeks went by where I think NBC was saying we can't give it to this kid. And so they actually went out, and they talk to Gary Shanley, and I actually got a call, and we can back this up 'cause she was in the car with me at the time. But I got a call, and I was in my car, and I had like one of those early ninety cell phones there is larger than the car itself. And I the phone rang. And I think an Lawrence said, well, it's not happening. They're going to get some, you know, you're going to get something out of this. But you're not gonna get twelve thirty 'cause that's going to go to shandling. And then and then I hung up the phone. And then remember Lisa saying, so I guess that's not happening. And I said, I don't think shelling shillings not gonna do that doesn't make sense to me has he was doing the Larry Sanders. Oh, and he was doing this brilliant thing that mocked the idea of doing a show. And I thought why would he give that up to get in there and grind it out every day for an hour. I don't see y'all very zoo that who didn't have to do it. And then they brought me in for some meeting at NBC. And I remembered something got into me, and I just. Robert smile, and I had been talking a lot about what the show after Letterman should be. And I got into this meeting, and I just. I mean half of me like I said, there's a duality but half of me wanted to say guys. You're right. This is a mistake. And I'm just going to go back to the Simpsons. And I got a great carphone. I got a great car foam. Everything's going rose in Ford, Taurus SHO's. Oh. And it's all going my way. And I'm this is going to be great. But this other half took over when I got in that meeting. And I said, okay. Here's what the show needs to be Letterman. Did irony. We have to go pass that he would use your Larry bud Melman in your Chris Elliott's, and they would do sort of a a comment on performing for. We're gonna cut to really good improvisers in the crowd who are going to really commit to a bit. I'm not going to wink at the camera. If someone supposed to be my sister in the audience, I'm going to really play that she is my sister in the audience, even if it's Amy Poehler will have cartoons. There'll be music, they'll be a peewee Herman sort of sensibility to it all this stuff. Came out of me. And I swear to God this is never talked about. But in that needing suddenly I was in a room with people that didn't know what to do. And there was a twenty nine year old and the room saying this is what we're doing. I left that meeting. And I remember talking to Lisa saying, I think I just talked myself into that job. Why the fuck that? I do this again wrote another and even bigger yet either bigger check than in cash, but but decisiveness is attractive, right? I mean, this is how some people have explained a lot of Trump's appeal to people's right or wrong. The he's not wavering. He's got an exact point of view. Right. So you would would like you. They they buy was very you knew what you wanted to do. And that is if we take anything from this interview, it's that my similarity to Trump almost indistinguishable u m the Trump of comedy, I think what you're taking away. That's what that's what everyone. We all say when you're not around is is I'm very. Look, I'm winning adequate question. Quick question. Klay class going back to what you said about doing this show your whole life is it exhausting. Are you at any point like I'm mentally done doing this show? I meant you know, the I the answer is. Yes. But it's not the show. I know what you're asking. And the answer is. Yes, I am mentally exhausted with myself sometimes and that well, also just I I'll say it out loud. I verbalize a lot of things like my wife will hear me at night go into the bathroom, you know, to P or something or or she'll hear me brushing my teeth on a bit like you fucking idiot. That's put you do. Would you be like what happened? I'm like. No, no. I just and it's, you know, I I'm very vocal about I it's not too rats. I know that's a real. Thing and I don't have to rats, but I blurred out come out with the Faulk. What are we doing? What did you do and people who don't know? Think that someone came in through the window, and I'm fighting them off because they have a an exacto blade, and I'm fighting them. And they don't know that I. Superintendence? And I I think back and visualize mistakes I made in the day or even a mistake I made fifteen years ago, and I blurred out. You know, the disappointment that I did that. And it has. It gets really tiring. So I have many times what I say it work all the time, and you can ask anyone who works with me. I'll go on this long riff and people will be laughing. And then I'll say I'd like to go to the hospital now and. And when I and it's this thing is recurring thing with me is. This is gonna sound really crazy. But I've had this fantasy for years where? People listening may not know this. But there was this old tradition in show business back in the forties and fifties and thirties where entertainers would they would go to the hospital for a while because of exhaustion and Jackie Gleason would be checked into a hospital in Miami or something and one of the biggest performers of his day, and it'd be in the hospital for a few weeks. And there was no medical care going on. And I've always had this thought of at like the word to go out that Conan O'Brien has he's been he's at cedars Sinai. And he's he's he's resting. That's all it's going to say he's resting. And then what happens is I'm there. And I have this whole thing worked out in my head. I'm not sick. I have a nice sweet. There's no one else in my room. I've got a big TV. Yeah. But people come Dax comes and Adam Sandler drops in. Maybe we'll feral stops by we chat, we laugh. Maybe we watch. A movie we cross the street we go to Jerry's deli. They shut it down with. Yeah. So this happened a few years because this is my eldest is your tents, you fucked up tents. Sorry, continue you know, what I should shouldn't have snapped at me when I was at you a wrong. It's Navin me. And I was wrong to snap. But. And I just I mean there for couple of weeks, and what happens is people are visiting. And then at some point nurse comes in and goes mister Brian's to rest in everyone's politely ushered out. Now, I'm not wearing hospital garb, I'm wearing jeans. But like really nice of oh slippers and a t shirt, and I'm comfortable, and then she gives me a pill, and I get kinda sleepy. And I go to sleep for two hours. And then I wake up, and then some really nice food is brought in not the hospital food, you know. And then that's about a three week stay. There was a joke. Similar that in bad. Moms were Kristen's characters. She she fantasized about being in a car accident just bad enough that you'd be in the hospital for like a week. Oh, you just well to rely. It's weird. You mentioned that cause it exactly after I got the late night show. The whole world is like who is who the fuck is this guy what's Conan O'Brien? Who is he they were mad at NBC anyway 'cause because they felt that Letterman had been screwed over and then the quote gang that. Can't shoot straight went and found this this guy. Oh, and everyone's just salivating, and it was a nightmare. And I remembered so funny you say that thinking if I was in a car accident too. But I wasn't killed. I, but I was fucked up just enough. They would get someone else to fill in for me. And it wouldn't be my fault. Yes. By the way. I've so often in life is looking for a way out of anything that it won't be my fall. Yeah. Trying to create all dynamics how we get out of some relationships and stuff, I just like guilt free walk away from something. Yeah. Where I couldn't be seen as a failure. You know? I did you love Letterman. Yeah. Well, this is going to sound crazy. It's gonna sound like no, no, you're making up that up after the fact, but I used to look at him when I was at star nut live people used to say, you probably as a wanna be performer wanted to do what they were doing. And I would say no, I never looked at Dana Carvey, Phil Hartmann, our Mike Myers and said that should be me. I knew that they did a different thing. And then I watched Dave. And I thought that's his voice. He is the center spoke of a world that revolves around his voice, and I'm not anything like him. I'm very unlike him. There are no similarities. There are go ahead. Well, they're probably some similarities, but I'm you had they're both smart. I yeah. I'm but I'm, but I'm I'm goofy. I I'm physical. There's a bunch of things about me that and he has this. This whole skill set that I could never have in a million years. But I looked at what he was doing. And I thought that resonates with me, and I didn't for a second think. Oh, I'm as good. You know, I never thought that. I thought what he's doing where he has this little world that he were you can create where you you can sustain a certain level of madness. And you have your people that emanate out from your vision that was resonate with me in the end. So yeah, I would watch him in college sort of watching the morning show as in high school, and then I watched him in college, and I really admired him and thought like, yeah. This is he was my first kind of major comedy crush. I think but your show started in ninety three and I was a senior in high school in ninety three like this is kinda when you get into late night. I think and I read are. Of the gates like when I read stuff that it was some journey for you to get the show what became and all that. I I'm completely unaware that. I remember watching you because I love Letterman. It was a big deal when he left I remember watching his first show on CBS or whatever network you into like was on a road trip. Living in my car for six months. I figured out how to get in someone's living room to watch that. Right. It was a big deal out super into it in your show. I was a media into your show. I fucking loved what you did. Right out of the gates. I thought you were spectacular. I think you like what you set out to do like. Okay Letterman with this far. I've got a now kind of go this far. I was in from the get-go. I loved the show. I was so excited to be on your show. And this is one of these funny. Real life experiences are often when you're a you do your nine step, and you make amends to people, and I had the opportunity on like a commercial break on your show to apologize for my first appearance on your show, and what often happens when you make an amends. It's not a big deal to the other person. Right. She was our case. Yes. So my thing was I I did coke and I blacked out, and I was woken up by security in the hotel room in my publicists, and I was with a stranger and one of us had Pete the bed, and then I rushed to your show, and I had done poor, Dan, Ferguson who I love so much Yahoo too. I had done the pre interview in a blackout. I don't remember anything. I get to your show. I come out on stage. There had been an animal Wrangler out before me. And then my joke when I get out there is you should get separate green rooms for the animals and the guests because I was bit by a snake? And then I fall over the the chair, and I break the table of your show. This is the first time on your show. And then you start leading me down the path that I'm supposed to be on. I don't know what you're talking about your like Dax that's a weird name. And I'm like the way you're looking around thinking, I must have a story about my own. I can't remember right now. All interview was like that. I guess what? I got good news for you. And I'm this isn't a joke. We are coming out with all of the episodes in high resolution. Hi def. Oh, seriously. I think in nj in January and so anyone who wants to see? Yeah. What's funny is up told the story public? And again, my perspective so much different than if you're just watching the show like I do fine on my like, yeah. I don't know what I'm talking about your straighted. I'm sure and I'm not telling any of the stories, but it's mildly entertaining. No one really, no water. Yeah. But from your point of view, you've got like four questions in front of you. And I don't know the answers for the question, and I broke right able but in so regardless I wasn't invited back or many times. I tried to get back on the show. And I drive Boker would never have me. And then Tom Arnold called employee. Pled the somebody tonight and sober for a while. And they let me back on one more time. And then I did okay. And then up and back a bunch times. But anyways during the commercial break, I said you. He, and I just really want to say sorry that I had what's so funny. Is that all I wanted was to be on your show of unlike working towards getting shell? That's that's how I prepared to be on your show. Is I go do drugs. Yeah. And I say, I'm so sorry. I did that and you go you wouldn't remember this you go? Oh, you wouldn't even make the top ten. Oh disasters. We've known. No, no. I think that that's the other thing is in your mind. It was this huge embarrassment embarrassment. But again, there's nothing like the volume business of late night television, which is an an we just hundreds and hundreds and hundreds hundreds. And now I've done over four thousand hours, and then you multiply that by three people and night. What I? Always respect and honor is when people I mean, there are people that consistently don't try and are people that consistently come on and sort of disrespect perform and then at a certain point in. It's not because they have a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction. They just do that. And then I I you know, you lose patience with those people. Sure. But well, they're probably scared, and then they go I'd rather act like come to cool for this then. Yeah. Get caught trying and failing. Maybe is that the yes, there is one of the pathetic. I've noticed over the years time and time again that it's very rare. When an actor from the UK Ireland. Scotland England Wales will come on the show and not be a good storyteller. It's part of the tradition of being an English anger now. Now, the exception. I'm sure proves the rule, and there there are people that are bad at it. But I'm always blown away by the fact that guests from the UK there's a verbal there's a there's a they stress somewhere where it's something in the water. But the great thing about it a lot of great actors from the United Kingdom like a Richard Burton was terrific storyteller or Sarichagan Harris, repeater O'Toole. I mean, there's this tradition that these guys, and then you look at that can hold your attendant, hold your attention. And they tell you a tale. Right. And they spin a yarn, and it has a three act structure, it's beautiful. And i've. Always said when the when guys like that when I've encountered the equivalent of that on my show. And I got to talk to Richard Harris. And I I got to talk to some of these people over the years. I always tell them in the commercial break and James Dean. Ruined. Actress for American talkshows because James Dean, Marlon Brando. The MO the brooding the brooding mumbling. You know, I have to do this is almost like if they're funny and Cillian that show they won't ever be taken serious again as an actor. Yes. Also, it just the tail wagging the dog, you know, it's if I'm difficult then I must be a genius no via genius first. And then if the side effect is your difficult will accept it wrong. Don't be difficult as in the zone in the hopes that maybe your genius the foundation. This will be one heart of that piece of pie that you need to construct. But when when you said that you don't even make the top ten is there. A can you think of one or two or the with the guest was just annihilated? And you thought how am I gonna now call we're gonna need help on this the derived because I'm blanking on his name. The director of the. Bad. Lieutenant oh hers. No, it was not her dog able for are able for rar able Farrar just to put you at ease. Okay. Able for our was a director eccentric director. Who? And I think brilliant guy got booked on our show, and he's a wild eccentric. And he his segment producer has been with me since the beginning. Frank smiley was in charges him as in charge of him. And he fled during the show before his segment. He ran away got on the elevator and was out on the street running away and Frank gave chase. Oh, my goodness and grabbed them, and I think he may have gave chasing who no one has said gave chase absorb the Lincoln assassination. One corP gave chase but booth escaped. So yeah. Frank cod him. Okay. Let him back. Made him pushing him got him back stage. He came on camera against his will. Okay. So he's like active and then came out, and I started yelling at me. Oh my goodness. And this is I mean, look it up on this is this is do you think? He was intoxicated. Yes. I'm I mean, I'm sure or if not he should have been, but and it was it was entertaining. I think a member to being kind of like if you eight fifteen close of garlic. You wouldn't say that was a great experience. But you'd remember it, right? It was what we call compelling vision. Yeah. But there have been moments like that where been people that came out that would give. Yes, no answers and not even look at me. Able for our would you ever get like would you ever be inhere makeup in someone coming Coenen? So, you know, Mike, you're I guess he's he's he's pretty drunk and he's drinking in the green. Or like would you ever? Get a heads up like. Bruin. I get ahead that someone that he a cast member on a certain show where everyone's trapped on an island has had way too much to drink. Okay. Comes out, and he can smell it a while. And they think they're funnier. All they do is laugh at at the things they say and the pauses they take our way too long. But in their mind, they're killing it, ride the razor. And then their publicist tells them you killed it. Absolutely. That's what you're paying them to do. Yeah. Is there any moment when they're hammered when that's happened where you thought, oh, I'm gonna take advantage of this. Like this could be. Or is that really your nature your one of your jokes? Letterman was very good. Yes. Being dick. But you loved him. Yeah. He like he could he could annihilate the right people. He always chose. Well, who has gonna pick on? Yes. And it always was great. Yeah. Now, you could do that. But yeah, that's just I'd or brain that is not what's not even a choice. I mean led to say a lead to say, it's a moral choice. But it's not it's just not an arrow in my quiver loud. I don't have that. You know? It's funny because there's a Conan that hosts the show behind the scenes that I can really make the writers howl laughing. And it's mean assure she it's really mean, and sort of sometimes they can't they're like they cover their mouths because they can't believe you might be a habit in me, you need a safe place. Seinfeld. Talks about this on on St.. Stern. He a couple of different times. He's got a buddy he calls every morning. And he's like you need the one buddy you can call up and say the worst things ever that. You would never say in public. Yeah. You need to you need to kind of flush the system a little I have a thing. I game. I play called. What's the worst thing? I could do. And it is I'm constantly thinking of in this moment. What would be the thing that would really end of my career. And I can I do it in great detail. And I do it sometimes it moments of national tragedy where I think what if I sure jump tried to promote my show during his national tragedy. And no, it's just one of those. I can't I can spin out in great detail. These horrific stories where I'm at the center of doing the worst. And I do this all the time. I go into the booking department politics always has the tabloids there, and I pick it up, and I very convincingly open it up, and I go what are you this tabloid out? If I'm in it and she'll go God. I didn't I didn't know him. And then I'll start to read a fake story. And I'll and I'll narrate it without stopping, and it's like Conan O'Brien the carrot topped quip. Stor you know, and late night luminary in quotes, I know entered the so-and-so restaurants in Los Angeles and said the king is here loudly. Please, sir. Sit down you're upsetting. The guests in at set set of boy in a wheelchair quiet Huili said O'Brien, shoving the wheelchair over. How dare you hurt that boy credit older woman? You know, if you were fifty years younger, you'd be sort of attractive snarled, the late night brick top, you know, and and I do without and everyone's laughing, but it's this complete chance for me to create a world where I'm the biggest asshole in the world. I listen, and it always ends up with me loudly shit, my pants on the restaurant escorted out. I hit a nun in the eye. And then you know and say, she'll be fine. He's she never craziness. Absolute madness. I play the exact same game for six years on parenthood. And it was basically I would create a sentence. You have to say they've asked you to present at the kademi awards. And yes sentence you. What the price tag is. Because every create you're done at the outlets. It Jill ever seeing you the end of your career, and there's something so appealing about doing that. And just something about going. Okay. Well, that's over stop obsessing about this whole thing. Yes, ended it now on done. And now, I get to go and teach literature at a small college in Maine. Your departure. I'm done I figured it out. Okay. Well, listen, you've been very generous with your time. Have I you really really have the only other thing. I want to say that. I just want to commend you because my wife is always been very brave in doing this. And I think it's so helpful to so many people. She's always been very honest about having depression now having medication. Yeah. And I think it's really relevant because you know, as I look up to you. And I recognize the the crazy work ethic. I also recognize. That the illness can be a part of the process. Yeah. And it's so scary to disconnect yourself from this thing that's worked item. I mean, I can only compare it to myself which is being an addict like part of my and suffering. I I write my motivation is European shit failure lazy scumbag in if you don't do this year that you know, like, I motivate myself by this self hatred and self loathing, and I just a spire, and I've made progress, but I wanna work from place, that's different. And I think it's possible. But it's so scary, isn't it? Well, you know, my my dad is a very smart thoughtful guy, and he's been sort of watching me now for fifty five years. My dad said to me, I think I was just a couple of years into the late night show. And he had watched every episode, and he called me up once and he said, I see now I see I said would he see and he said you may? Making your living off of something that should be treated. And he wasn't. He was kind of he's making a joke. Sure. But it's also not a joke. And I as many of the great jokes are. Yeah. Exactly. So the great jokes are are just the truth that the the highs are very high of getting to be funny in front of people. And then the lows in the exile eighty in the blackness is awful. And so it's really funny because the biggest thing I was afraid of and I would talk to people I used to think I need this. I need to be unhappy to be funny and Andy Richter, the grandpa talk the great, Andy Richter. Who is one of the funniest people I've ever met in ever will meet he I talked to him because I really was sensing I need to get help. But I don't want to take something because then what if I can't do this anymore? And Andy said, you might find it's easier to be funny. You might find that this is actually been getting in the way. And that was a huge. I mean, I o Andy for saying that because he was encouraging me. And but yeah, when I went and got I went and went and saw Psychopharmacologists, and how long interview, and and I kept saying, I'm not depressed. I'm just anxious. I'm just anxious. And she said, do you realize that anxiety is a form of depression? Or I I said, I didn't know that. So I was like my hand was shaking when I she handed me the prescription note. I was it was shaking like I don't want to deal with this. And I don't wanna go to CVS and get this. And I remember thinking what if someone sees me getting like, what also doesn't it immediately in that moment? Transform from a mood. Swing to a condition. Yeah. Like a permanent state yet? You will have to treat. And then you realized that it doesn't I'm not on. You know, I'm on. Your on lithium. I think Mantell everyone powerful. Having lithium, drip. Too bad. We're not videotaping this, isn't it funny even within people who will acknowledge him on this. Then there's still yet a tiny compulsion to go. But I'm not on a ton it. It's all weird. Right. That whole thing is stupid that there would be any shame. It's for me. It's good old east coast. And this is exists many places, but my strain of it is east coast Catholic Irish do your job don't wind shut the fuck up. Don't be abandoned. Don't be a baby. And you know, you get to a point where it's like. Yeah. But going out every day and doing an hour in front of people and having to be on from in that our and then plus some fucker wants you to do his podcast. Holy you know, and you know, like on your be fair. Oh, do I as a podcast, you're launching a podcast. Let's talk about that would love to your launching a bag cast. And what would be a nice what I've observed from the outside. In your life. Is that it may be it's correlated to get him Medicated in feeling maybe a little more calms. You seem to be now taking your career in a direction. That's more just self fulfillment. Yes. You travel now. You've decided. Yeah. I do going gonna change. Yes. We're going from an hour to a half hour. And it's totally because I wanted to focus on let's do the stuff that I really love. And that's not do the stuff that I used to love, but I don't love as much anymore. Yeah. And so let's do a half hour show. I my analogy is a really good restaurant. You go in and they're serving what's the best catch of the day. What's the what's what are we really thinking? Is funny today. Would we really wanna do they rather than we gotta fill? These shows were invented in the forties late forties to fill time. Right. And I think a lot of the tropes from that era still exist when no one needs to fill. Time anymore because there's hundreds and hundreds of thousands of late night shows. And so the old days they're literally filling time, and there are things that I was doing on my show. Well, you gotta have that second guessed all right, folks. But up we're back, and I got a third guess because we'll know why doesn't make sense. So we're doing that. And then occurred to me that all these years that I've been on the air and to an observer like either one of you, you'd think oh Conan meets all these people and he's friends with them. Right. And that's a common misconception is people are always saying, hey, you're good friends with these people. And I realized I'm not friends with infringe with very few of them. I most the people that come to my Christmas party are people that work for me like Mr Byrne, they're getting they're getting a check from me. And I think they they like working for. Me. And they I'm I'm good. I like to think I'm a good boss. But so I thought it'd be fun to do a podcast called Conan O'Brien needs a friend where I talked to people about why aren't we like, for example? Yeah. I could say to you Dax like, we're not really friends we are friendly, but we're not really friends. No. But I can tell you from my perspective. I definitely thought over the years is of come on your show like all get along with you. Great. You have zero interest in hanging out with me. That's not true. It what you you had. I would have hung out with you in a heartbeat. I know it's not true. Because you got my Email, and you Email me. Yeah. Emailed you? What did you? Do you mailed you back? Yeah. What happened? We well. We hung out once in Santa, Barbara, which we let's just be honest. We do have a geographical challenge were on opposite sides of Los Angeles. But we did have a dinner date lined up. We did. And I fucked that up an excuse me who fucked it up. I do. Yeah. You blew it up. I did I didn't you said. We'll do it another time. Yeah. And we're to we're going to. One hundred that was that was months ago. Listen now, I know you're all I'm saying is save this point. The point of my podcast is getting a chance to say. Dax you Smadar dinner date with me. That's right. I cleared my schedule then day of you can't salt while I don't think it was. Kid. So well, then what's great is. When I come on your podcast. I'll have got the emails, and I'll bring them and I'll out you to be alive. I would never cancelled day of a deer you in. My attic. Fuck you Conan O'Brien. It was definitely a few days few. You're gonna go on say a few days. I'm gonna go on record and say a few days. Yeah. I do. I do. Okay. Now, this great, listen, all you have to do if you anywhere. You can get a podcast you can sign up for this. Now, it's Conan O'Brien needs a friend, and you I'm very soon, you're gonna tea, and you are going to hear the truth. It'll be of why dachshund I didn't have that dinner. And you know, what one of us is lying that's for certain or both of us. Also an option in this town that would be the likely that that would be the likely option. Well, really, we I from the bottom of my heart. I have a deep desire to be friends because we're history nerds. Good love it. And you're learning to ride a motorcycle I've been bragging motorcycle for several years. I just I didn't I say that correctly. I learning sounds like I training wheels. It does they have training wheels. For that was in a masculine way. You emasculated, me or newly into motorcycles. I I. Yeah. I have a deal with my wife and with myself, I have certain rules. They only ride it in the house in a tight circle. That's great. It's really fun. So listen, I can't wait to come on your podcast, which is coming Risa friend, Brian. He needs a friend. Yeah. Available everywhere punk. And I am I want to be first in line to be one of those friends, and I'm going to do this is my pledge, regardless of how it goes on that up. Let's go very well for you. You're gonna you're gonna win. You think you think I canceled day of impossible, but we'll find out and look at Monica's service for oh, gee, what I'm going to say is the idea that you cancelled several days in advance. And now. Abject lie abject lie. That's a desperate, man. Do you do, you know, why the excuse he gave it was about work? He said he had to work late that night, can you? Yeah. Pretty legit excused, by the way, pretty fucking legit excuse. But I didn't like all right. Well, we're gonna find it is Christmas day. Working pretty late tonight. I if we can figure out a way to be friends were works involved. It's a no brainer will be able to do it. See your friend to that's not happening. Real good being being Oakland. And I love you. I really have always had. I I think I've had definitely my fun is talk show times on your show. I'm glad I like to be with people who like to play. And that is the joy of, you know, over the years of just it's so fun when you can win this is work. Something's wrong yarn. I mean, sometimes it has to be. But if you relax and breathe in in your be president experiencing an it's pretty spectacular. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I'd or you, and I can't wait to be on your thrilled to be here. Thank you for having me. And let's let's talk again soon gripe. I peed my pants about forty minutes ago. I don't know if you did your tiny bladder. I going to get a disproportionate bladder. Really? And that's means other things are disproportionate to micro Venus. If that's what you're getting. All right. And now my favorite part of the show. The fact check with my soul mate, Monica Adleman. Very few people are going to get the song Monica because it was a barely seen movie from my youth. So I can't even imagine if you're under forty three this'll ring any bells, but I'm going to honor. Currently we have a movie in the marketplace about Freddie, Mercury. That's true. In, freddie. Mercury did a song and original song for a flash Gordon movie in the eighties. Maybe even late seventies. And I'm now going to replace that song and make it our song already checks. She she's the ruler of the universe. Do do. Do. That fact facts XXX facts. She is the ruler of the universe. Doodoo, dude. You can imagine what was said instead of facts flash. He's the ruler of the universe. Dude. That's virtually all the lyrics in the song. And was it a hit? No. But it was repeated over and over again throughout the movie, and as a seven-year-old boy, I loved it. Yeah. Sounds emphatic. It does look like a call to action. Does does were there were there any juicy facts cone camp Conan O'Brien? Yes. There were some facts you said that states without lane. Splitting have a high percentage of motorcycle fatalities coming from rear ending. Why you are condoning lane. Splitting Brolin's living. I didn't really find any numbers about the fatalities in the rear endings and stuff, but the president and CEO of the American motorcyclist association says lane splitting keeps riders safer by eliminating their exposure to re. End collisions. And it helps ease congestion by effectively removing motorcycles from the traffic lanes. So that is the defense. And did I say in the episode how it started? I probably did of why we even have it in California nowhere else because motorcycles up until the eighties were all air cooled in. So they needed to keep moving or they would overheat. And there were all these motorcycles broken down in the middle of traffic causing further traffic issues or on the. Side of the road or they were safety hazard. So they decided well, we just got to keep these things moving. So they don't overheat. I see that makes sense. Why only California because it's so hot here on the traffic was so bad motorcycles are sitting right about Florida. Well, again, a think well, I've been to places where for me a road once my old Harley through Denver in you can't lanes. What there and it was air cooled, and I had a passenger, and it was a hundred and I was really concerned, and it started knocking the little bit like a was overheating. And then I thought there traffic's probably new ca- relative to L A's traffic. Denver traffic issue probably came about in the eighties nineties, and then most motorcycles were water cooled. So probably wasn't a huge issue that they had to confront crisp dang our own state counting joked that you've been writing motorcycles since. You were to you came out of the woman one. Okay. So when did you start you as my mother of a motorcycle pass through her the canal, I felt confident then that was not the case. No, I guess I didn't do my due diligence. But I'm probably right, right. You're right. Yeah. So when did you start riding motorcycles while my brother had a Wisey eighty that? He taught me how to ride on in our yard on terra road or street in our neighborhood. When I was six years old. He taught me how to use the clutch and the gears a crash several times Iran next to me. He was trying to be a good, dad. Nice. Yeah. But when you're eleven you're teaching a six to ride in ABC motorcycle. Sometimes you don't have the best game plan either share. But hey, I learned how to ride it intention was there. Oh in spades. Okay. So he's. Said that when he goes to the doctor or when he goes to the dentist like he doesn't feel the novacaine and that the dentist would say like, oh, you're one of those redheads. So then I looked into that. And it's true. Really? Yeah. I mean, it was known as a myth for a long time. But then there's been some studies on it since and it's like redheads don't feel the effects of novacaine. So the MC are one receptor, which is the thing that I was saying was defective in Conan in redheads of because that is what makes like, basically brunette hair. I don't remember all the details. But there's a gene mutation on that area which mutation is the birth of all evolution great still defective because they can't make her net hair. So the goal is to make brunette hair. So those were sceptres the MC are one receptors they appear in the mid brain. Where pain perception is regulated. So there's evidence. The gene also influences are spots to injury and discomfort. Oh since two thousand handful of small studies have examined the connection between redhead nece and pain a Louisville university team led by anesthesia, the anesthesiologist on never be able to say that anesthesiologists Daniel Cecil found that redheads require nineteen percent, more inhaled, general anesthesia, no kidding. And they're darker haired counterparts. Did you ask? Jess if he's seeing like that one of a super powers is he's impervious to pain. I didn't. But the converse of this is that redheads both genders need less of an opioid morphine to dull their pain. Oh, that's counterintuitive. It seems like it'd be the opposite is, but I guess there's two separate things happening there with the with the medication in the anesthesia novacaine and then. Insurance thing feelings. Yeah. Yeah. We'll know this helps give a little bit of scientific foundation to something. I've anecdotally observed growing up I only have a few rules on who I won't fight. You've heard them. You want to hear them again? Yeah. One one rule of mine when I was younger was if if something happens at a street light temperatures flare in both gentlemen, get out of the car in one of the gentlemen. Immediately removes his shirt what you should gleam from that. Is that man's ruined? So many shirts fighting at stop lights that he's learned to take it off for fighting. So that's just a little bit of a tip that maybe want to defuse this interaction as a smart tip. Yeah. Another one I used to have. When again, I went to bars is, you know, a guy that's kinda quiet with a wedding ring on drinking by himself. You pick a fight with him. You're he's not fighting you. He's fighting his wife, his children oppression of the world around the so layered, and you know, it's there's more going on than whatever's happening between you third is if you can avoid fighting a redhead in this. Is what I have zurve growing up in grade school in junior high and high school is I so many an outsized red get into a fight get very emotional. I saw many redheads crying while fighting, but then Victoria, seemingly impervious to pain an assault Senate act. I've also heard they're more sensitive to touch and temperature. Oh my goodness. So we're really treating them like, they're another species AL's podcast. I said the fact that we can do that though because they're not marginalized in our society. Look at Connie's on top of the world is doing great. Yeah. He's doing better than that. I brought up the one thing I learned in anthropology about redheads is that the only almo genius group not attracted to each other. Jess has said that too. That's a scientific facts. So generally people that look the same are attracted to one another. But not redheads they tend to want to date outside of being you rarely see to read heads together center, saying, yeah. Yeah. Fascinating. Maybe we should do an entire week on redheads share you think. So I'd love to do that. We've got to be more miseries of we've uncovered all this doing very little digging. There's probably a panacea of interesting details about red heads staff now. Oh, also, let me throw out there read. I think it's Tom Robbins still life with woodpecker still life with woodpecker is a phenomenal book and one of the central themes is redheads. Oh, and how special they are. Yeah. And it really makes you. Mutated. We'll meet it is is special. It's you should love it. It's rare. I do love it. I love red at love. Jess. One of my favorite people does. Is twenty forty eight in election year. Yes. Oh, it is is an election year was IBM sending over computers to help the Nazis. Yes. They were good. Good good. They were but they weren't computers than it was a punch card system. But yeah, they were very instrumental in helping the Third Reich yet. I'm really glad that you confirm that because I coulda had a real liable case on my hands. Yeah. When you said it, and I had to write it down. I was really shaking my head. But then you were absolutely right. I guess IBM does not really aknowledge this. Sure, it's a bit of a regrettable part of their business history. As that it is real. Yeah. Okay. Count in row for the Simpsons for season four and season five. There was some question about when he wrote this. What's seasons was foreign five? So he talks about his fantasy of going to the hospital for a stay for a few weeks and the new reference Kristen's monologue in bad moms or she wants to get hit by a car Ma. And then I remembered that when I was cheerleading when I was first starting and really basically up until the very end I was like praying to get her and not have to compete really really because you had so many things -iety about not performing well in the me. Yeah. In bees year to just have a good excuse. Yep. I think a lot of us are do that. It's really crazy, right? Very crazy. It never happened. Well, you Kelly head well my hamstring. But that was after I stopped caring about that. Then I was really confident, but then it happened. But then I still had to perform Roenick. Yeah. I'm trying to think if I ever had anything looming over me that was that stressful that I was praying for some kind of intervention, divine and medical intervention. It's funny. You bring this up because I have a friend who's an actress who's been one since she was a child actor. She has a lot of medical issues recurring medical issues in part of me wonders if that was the only safe way, she could the treadmill of being a child actor because it was more important, obviously, that's she would have felt bad. Maybe saying I need a break. Yes. Your body gives you a break. Also, give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that could get cap are what do you think about doing fact check songs that are jingles chair? Gimme some vacs game. Some facts break me off a piece of that fact. Jeff bar. That's nice. Yeah. Better than the flash one. I did earlier one of the funniest jokes. I've ever seen on TV is in the American office. There's an episode where Andy played by Ed Helms. Can't remember the end of that jingle all episode? He's like he's replacing hit Kat far with all of these crazy phrases. It is so funny. It's really really funny. I love Ed Helms. Yeah. Edward get in here. Yeah. We'd love to have you hiding from us already on here. He is another white male. But I still really wanna talk to him. I'll talk to him. Okay. So we ended the conversation. You're going on his podcast. And there was a debate as to whether or not you cancelled on him day of now, do you have facts, I do que did you cancel on day? Here's my only question. When is his episode come out? Because all was in order to help drive people that episode for the resolution, I feel a little bit. On the ethical taking away the. Well, you just said that you would never cancel day oven. I don't think that's true. I'm not judging. I reschedule all the time day of bright sort of my thing. That's your pet that move. Monica. Padma n- sucker punch scheduler. I do it. That's it. That's everything. Well. Did you find yourself in all of his mental powers? Absolutely. He was really wonderful. I was. Yeah. You and I are horny for intellect aren't we? Oh, is it? It's really really powerful. He has quite an abundance of it as well. Yeah. His great. Maybe there should be erotica for people like us like there's step brother and sister pornography there stepparent pornography. There's every single Nisha of pornography. I don't know that there's one where someone recites the Magna Carta, and then the other person who says a visible Boehner from you know. Yeah. The problem is with that is it's not like I mean, I do like learning, but the attraction is not because they know facts, it's because they can critically think and then in the manifest those facts into some interesting conversation agree. No one would be interested. In a Google. It's the critical thinking part. That's so sexy. Right. Maybe not reciting the MAG before they have sex. They can just have it. Interesting conversation or like, some kind of complex I q riddle. You know, that's interesting. Oh, you've got my attention as a little bit of four play. You do like maybe the men sapling Asian. Yeah. I'd like that just see what happens in closed are coming on. That's right late with every writing answer. Yeah. I like, this will Monica. Thanks for those facts. I love you and welcome and happy thanksgiving to you. It's not thanksgiving anymore. Okay. By christmas.

Harvard Conan O'Brien Los Angeles Steve Martin Manhattan Monica Senate Oregon President Obama official Amman Howard Stern Rudy Vallee Harvard US Monica Padma Mary playboy mansion ABC
21. Nicole Byer

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

59:41 min | 2 years ago

21. Nicole Byer

"We'll tell you. I'm someone who likes to mess around with guitar. Guitar enthusiast and occasionally I need help. But I don't have time to, you know, hire someone to show me what to do. That's why I like the app uses nap is your personal music tutor best way to learn practice and master an instrument. It listens to you play and give feedback on your accuracy and timing. I bet yo yo Ma wishes he had the vision up because he'd be even better than he is today becoming a musician. You always wanted to be visit us dot com slash try with a twenty percent discount using code Conan. Yeah. Us issue. Shen? Ever struggled to find the perfect vacation, home or place to stay. I have have you ever used Virgo? I have really I loved it. Use Sona just set it right here. It's perfect. It's great Virgo. They work hard for you. They match you to the perfect place to stay every time. You know, there's no need to you know, huddle in a bus shelter or randomly pick someone's home and go into the window. You don't have to do that. You can use Virgo and find the perfect legal place to stay everytime from condos cabins places with yards grills hot tubs. They got it all signed a nice house in Palm Springs to stay in. Oh, you did. Yeah. Over bow. Yeah. You got a good experience rate so much fun. Search Virgo V are in the app store to download the verbal app today. And put a stop to frustrating vacation searches. Oh, they're the worst lead verb. Oh, find at home that matches. You. Hi, my name is Nicole buyer. And I feel. Excited about the Bryant's. Hey that was nice. I couldn't think of another word. Walking. Hey there it's Conan O'Brien once again, assuming you've listened to one of these before if not I have no idea where you've been. But what's put that aside? Why start an resentful note? Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. You can see. Now why I don't have a lot of them. This is the show where I use the podcast format in a devious way to find out if I can make friends find out why people aren't better friends with me, basically, just use this to to my own selfish purposes. And it's really fun. I'm having a blast. I'm help as always by my assistant Sona of sesame. Hello sono. Hey couns. Let's go easy on that show dealt. Really awkward the awful. Please you ever gonna go. But you never called me. Mr o'brien. Did you know your dad, Dr O'Brien? Yes. Well, he is a doctor, and I call him other Admiral O'Brien just for fun. But yes, yes. Even when we first met, you didn't call me ten year you've been with me ten years the time we first met I remembered very clearly you didn't call me, Mr. O'Brien. No, probably like, yo dude right at our interview. No. I think that when we first started working there was a lot of professionalism between the two of us for how long I would say three months. And then you heard me speaking to my grandma on the phone. And then you said what was that it sounded like you were arguing with Dracula because you were speaking Armenian, and I didn't even know you could speak Armenian. Yeah. And so to my untrained ear, I thought you were arguing with vampire. Okay. That's all that wasn't coach Lee insensitive. That was an interesting language. You were speaking that I thought that Dracula was mad at you for bringing his native soil to this country. So he could sleep and that you were straightening out the problem. We're also joined by Matt gory who's an expert on everything I'm finding out probably an expert on Dracula is you know, the. To sleep in his native soil. I did ram Stoker wrote that book and during his form of God. It's you know, what I said to Gowrali just a few minutes ago before we started recording. Could you do me a favor when I know about something can you not then reveal that, you know, more. It was it was kidding. But you do have an incredible amount of knowledge and every time I think I've got this one. I know a lot about Ulysses s grant's second term. I know a lot about the teapot dome scandal girly sits there like a cat that ate the canary just licking his lips. And then you lean in and go I actually own grants. Corpse I bought it auction. But I don't do this to one up here. Do this the augment and have a conversation. There is no relationship. No augment. There's no augment. There's only one up in my world. You know, you didn't hog meant you you one up. Do you made me look like a fool? I'm sorry front of my loyal podcast listeners. Well, we're probably wondering why it's taking me so long to start today. So let's get to cones. That nickname. Well, today, I'm very excited because we're going to talk to someone I really really love and I enjoy her comedy so much, and I will say this. I do think she's the opposite of me in so many ways, and that's one of the reasons I like her so much she's the anti Cohn, and and I love her for that, Nicole buyer. Is here, Nicole. I think we have good chemistry. Whenever you're on my show. Yeah. This is one of the reasons I really wanted to talk to you on the podcast every time uniform people like oh my God, get Nicole back. It's so funny when you tour together because we don't know how to put it. We have a good yin Yang kind of thing. Going on here. Very good straight man to my Ouagadougou nece. I didn't know. Yes. It is. I did look it up. Yes. In Webster's in it, isn't wanka doodle nece. Yes. Yes. Yes. But is fun is you we all make a caricature a little bit out of our real selves comedy. But the truth is, I am when you peel away all the layers. I am a repressed person. I am uptight and I grew up in a world where nobody talked about sex. And so when I'm with you, and you come out, and you're this force of nature, and you are the complete opposite people. Love your hilarious. So they love laughing all the things you're saying. And then I think there are lapses they just cut to me. And I look queasy her. Very funny in very perfect. And and it's it's based somewhat in in reality, yet the way our interviews come across is the way my life with my sister is I say a lot of wild things and she's like, please stop. My sister's very tiny and quiet, and does it lays sexual things. Please stop it. So you and you probably makes you go further. It makes me so happy to say awful things to her because I just love her face when she's like, oh, why why why did you would you say that like I love screaming at her in public places 'cause she's like, no, no, I don't want to. It's just very funny is she your younger sister. No, she's older. She was alive for awhile. And then I came to torment her. She had sometime on earth a brief time where she was in peace. Yes. You had a year and a half of being like, okay? This is how the world works. And then I was born and was like you dumpster. Dumpster perfect perfect in every way, yet she has to feel pain. Yes. That's the other thing too that I can this. This is where we're similar. I can relate to I love the people. I torment I think that is a misunderstanding. I mean, I I tore met my assistant Sona, I do love Sonal. I really care about Sonal. But it's too much. I can't stop. And my dad called me when I was five years old. He said that he is nicknamed for me was tease man because I would just go around the house, and I would try and get two different on the house. And and I love my brothers and sisters. But I was I realized I had professional level abilities that young age I needed to use them. It's fun to watch. How something you do can affect somebody? Yes. I mean, I it's not an initiative way. Because at the end of the day, they know that it's out of love sister knows I love her, and I'm not trying to actually hurt her feelings. But it's just very funny to watch the levels of her getting annoyed like my. Dad's dead. But when he was alive, I park my car into the driveway. So he could get his car out. So I had parked my car he'd be in the garage night. Run to him in slow motion. Screaming papa. Why are you doing this? Why please? Why? And I was just so funny. It's just funny that you can make people react in a way that you know, they're going to react. But like just getting a reaction someone's fun. I my mom is. This is terrific. Mom was always a great mom and still with us. And she's. But, but when we were growing up, she would have company over and very loving mom. But I realized that I could make people who were visiting think that she was an overly strict disciplinarian, by the way, I reacted to her. So I come into the room, and my mom would say, oh Coenen. Could you go get the the lemon wafers? We can have with our T. And I would I would I would bow my head. And I go some yes directly to directly in its scurry out. And she would everyone would look at my mom like what if you done to him funny? And then I would come back to go. Here the cookies is there anything else and she'd be like no Conan, it's fund. Maybe you could get the the spoons and be like. Directly. I used to saying. Yes. Very funny. Yes. Yes. I think it was eight and I just realized that I can fuck with my mom this way and make her look bad in front of her friends. Like why I love my mom. I don't know why I was doing that. Because it's funny because it's so funny to like, you leave the room, and you're like what was that conversation? She had with her friends. Yes. Do they all look at each other awkwardly or are they like what are you doing too little coda? Why is he directly up to get the spoon direction do it and a lot of head of head nine. And a lot of me shaking a little bit. Like, yes. I'll take care of it. But okay, let's get to the crux of the matter here. Which is it's something that I both envy about you and admire about you. And of course, I find it horrifying while. It's happening is that you are so open about your sex life, your sexual desires, your sexual needs as they were. And even the way that I'm describing it in a very clinical way. It's very funny. But but let's get into that. You'll you'll come out on the show and you'll say yes during the pre interview, I think of the second time it was on the show. I cannot remember the producer's name. But he was like I fire them regularly. Perfect. Just for fun. We'll idiot who no longer has job. What are you looking for in a man, and I was like a big, dick. And he was are you going to actually say that will Canada? And he's like say, whatever you want great. You came out on the show. And I said, what are you looking for in a man, and you said a big, dick. And if you look. And if you look at the then they cut to me, and you can actually see my soul leave my body and go up to heaven, my soul. I just leave. I leave my body. And I go up to having to be with my. I want to do with my grandparents this lady killed me. Yeah. The my grandparents are like that about a big I gotta go back down. So then it came back down to earth on my body. But first of all, let's dress because always been assured assured by women. Yes that the penis size is irrelevant now. Well, okay. Sometimes the Pena size is relevant. But some people are size queens. I like a big, dick. But also I could do like a like a bigger than average dick so not like a huge one. But like bigger than average. What are we talking about? Specifically, I've never really held a ruler to anybody. But what if one had held a ruler to once then one might be able to? By numbers you fixes average. I think. I think. Above average perspiring. No, Driza cucumber. That's a saying. Right. I don't believe it dries a cucumber cucumber. What an interesting image pushing this paper further and further away to get away from you now just call over. Listen, listen to me can't have it near me. Listen to me. So yeah. I mean, I've often heard, you know, threes plenty. Where'd you go? She just left the room. Oh if nine. Seen small ones. Oh, you have. And what do you tell first of all assure everyone listening? I'm playing a part here. Having a little bit of fun. But man, I'm in good shape that way fidgeting he pulled his phone. I just realized that the phone was on and getting text from my doctor and hey four he says four inches. Okay. So there is hope. Check with my doctors Lee. No. But. Okay. I wanna ask you this. Okay. When you were with a man, and then he the Wella moment. And it was not what you were hoping for this one imagining. He was holding magicians soon red red blanket over it. And then whipped it aside. Say Africa to ever he said said well there you saw less than what you wanted. What what do you say in that moment? Oh, my and he went. Oh, yeah. And I was like, I'm confused. Okay. So it almost was going into his body practically going in. But I guess it was like to to Lynch's on my God is very tiny. And I didn't have time to be like, I don't want that. Fucked him anyway, because that's what women do we are kind gentle people who won't insult you to your face. But, you know, do you wanna pipe up here? Do I don't know if I do Joe, maybe you know, you on your in it too too far in. Yeah. We'll your light. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. My mom will never listen to. What she's my parents will never hear this because they understand how a podcast work. And my dad keeps saying we're looking forward to seeing that keep saying, no it's on. And he's like he's it on the radio, and I'm like, not really need a computer. So it's quite clear. They're never gonna hear Sonal people. I don't they don't have a radio or user. So people have no technology, my people. No, no. They have your family there. Oh, that's what you meant. Yeah. No. That means people are gonna love the menial offensive. You just mean my family's. Just men your family. Okay. Yeah. No, no. They have technology. But no, I get witness coal saying, and yes, she's right? When you're into far, you can't just abort, suddenly, you can't see cuz you can't say, wait a minute that just doesn't measure up. I'm out of here and jump out of window. Yeah. Because it was my house. Create. If you jumped out the window of your own house ran away. The house is yours. You is in. Okay. I don't know. I would love big dick more man couch for me to sit on. So we can just cuddle I want that too. So it's not all about the dick. So that you need to couch. Diaper. The couch would be just I need a couch to where he will rest the dick. Yes, giant cowardice? I want him to have such a big that he is arrested on a couch, and then I get to limbo under it before we fuck. Okay. Limbo under the Rhine made you so upset. No, no. I'm just I'm doing the math in my head. This will never air. This will be sent out in his transcript. A form that you'll have to get it in a Brown envelope in the mail. But you know, what? Okay. You know penises or as I think you refer to them as a Dick's aside. Sonal stop your cat. You're so uncomfortable. This is my favorite thing. I all of that aside. What I applaud is women saying what they want. I'm just making up for lost time. I used to work a stand up show in New York where it was mostly just men, and they would talk a lot about women's bodies. And I was laid you're saying during it, and I was like, this sucks. I hate this. So I guess it's my way of being like, I dunno. Great it back at you. Guess what? I love that. So let's let's talk about that. Who hates it men on read it so many Reddit threads about how awful I am. I can't believe she won't stop talking about dick. Oh, titties all the time. They do. And that's fascinating to me because I didn't realize so you're working waitressing stand up clubs, and you're watching guy after guy after guy go up and do material about women's bodies. And then you're saying all right. If that's we're gonna play it. Yeah. Why can't I right, right? I love that. Also, I genuinely love Dick's. So like, why not talk about the things you love you just going to say you love the dick and do. Okay. Let's talk about something else. Okay. Let's talk about. All right. You were married once. Yes. Okay. But it wasn't a situation. It was it was an unusual situation. Wasn't it? Yeah. I got like thirty grand in debt new year because people just kept giving me credit cards, and I kept spending and spending had nothing to show for it. Except for a lot of drunken nights. And then I was trying to figure out how to pay it off without. 'cause like if you pay the minimum, you're never gonna pay off your credit card Bill. So then I was like I got I don't know if I saw it online or something. But I was like ooh green card. Marriages by Mary silent. He pays me. I pay off my debt and easy breezy. Don't have to tell dad. So then I got married and then Mary. Got married to to a nice small Indian man won't say his name. So I the way I met him is so stupid. So my roommate at the time also got married for money, and she and her friend were at a gas station in queens met this, man. And he jokingly said I would love to marry so and so I could stay here. And they're like we got a girl for you. So then my roommate and her friend who I call Pika choo- pick me up in a PT cruiser. So like the whole story stupid me a lot of information where can actually track these people down could chew peachy cruises. That's not popular car, and that's not a common. So I'm already I'm writing all this down for the the police report report, you took me to this gas station, I met him. And then we like God along then I hung out with him another time, then I hung out with him another time. And then we decided to get married. We got married at a courthouse in queens. There was no romantic relationship. Okay. No. Then I had like my mail sent to his place like make appearances there. And then my dad passed away. And then I told him. I need it some time in between our interviews. And then when I tried to contact him again, he just never returned my phone calls. And then I was like a hint stay married. So in the state of New Jersey, you can serve your husband divorce papers. And all you need to do is to serve them in you are granted a divorce. Oh, yeah. My sister drove me to the freehold courthouse early in the morning, and I was granted a divorce. So that did he then this gentleman have to leave the United States. I don't know. He literally never contacted me again. Wow. This is an interesting case if anyone wants to look into it, did you were you scared at all about people. I mean, the law getting in touch with you and saying, no. Yeah. I just live live. I just live. And if things happen they happen. My god. I was a reckless youth. You really are the opposite of me in every way. Because all I do is think about consequences. I've never lived Sonal. Have I ever really lived. I. Have you really live? No, no. He's never really live. I think I worry I tried to live up to certain standards that you're very successful. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are many ways to be successful. I think they're my journey. I have a long way to go on my journey. I think there are a lot of ways where I could show axe a little bit is sewn is a good boy his whole life. I've been a good boy. And I think it my age after the career I've had it's time to completely fall apart. Yeah. Amsterdam get a Hooker takes mushrooms and Thuc. Now, we speak to my wife about this. Because I do love my wife, bring her with you. She doesn't like to travel like that. And and also I think she she'll be against several parts of what you just said. Okay. I think she's the only part should be okay. With is the mushrooms if they were regular mushrooms on top of like a pasta. Okay, hallucinogenic mushrooms. All right there. She makes them sign. She'd want them sauteed with garlic and in butter sauce, but she would be against very much against everything else. Also, we'll tell you this. If I did anything like that. I would just we with regret fi. That's the joke. Sonal has with me. Is that if I ever she be like, oh, no, no, no. If you ever even thought about strength from your marriage is you start crying, and that's not straying. If you bring her with you that is exploring. Okay. I have to wait you've kids to have two children. Yeah. So you like a whole life. I am very all joking aside. I'm very happy with my life. It's just I I think I don't think I need to go to the Amsterdam. Okay. Sexual romp. I don't have to necessarily do that. You could Joshua tree. Take. What is it? I'll ask with a shaman and let him guide your spiritual journey. I don't know like a loincloth. I don't I would be a lot of what when you do. I Awadh ska. You poop a lot. Really? And you vomit all for hours. I never saw the appeal of every subscribe that every time I looked into it. People say I love how sodas right in there with the poop. Let me let me weigh in on this. Have you done it? So I've never done. I know a lot of people who have okay, apparently someting. Apparently, there's a lot of vomiting, and there's a lot of defecating. I think as scientific shitting, okay? Trying to like the librarian and van halen's come into the library performing live, and I'm running around and shutting doors and David Lee Roth is because it's the David Lee Roth van Halen that I'm imagining. And I'm like, please, please closing. Van Halen song because I'm very young and black. What can you hum one for me? I probably can't because then we'd have to pay for it. Go forever. Really? Among panama. Panama. She no there was a camera in here. Three older, white gentlemen are really feeling their lives. I've never heard that someone in my life, Nicole, please don't tell me don't try to pretend that eighties van Halen huge in the African American community. I don't think so excuse me they differ. Sammy Hagar version has right? Sammy Hagar who'd at b. I think who is Sammy Hagar, Nicole. Can I just tell you that there are so many so many black people listening to right now? We're embarrassed for you because they're all really into the van Halen of the good Lord. I'm Dan letting your down. You were going to be ostracized from your community. Sammy hagar. He was a guy. See now, we're explaining to you the replacement singer for a band, you don't give a shit about the point. All right. But I do know maybe I'll go home and listen to the halen's van Halen. No, no, no. You shouldn't. I mean, they have an amazing Qatar est. Really just superb guitarist and van Halen nothing, but respect for him. But no, I don't think it's going to change your life. I don't think it's for you. Okay. What music? You're listening to what do I listen to. I mean, I listen to a lot of Cardi B right now. Yeah. A lot of like soundcloud rappers. Sure, I like silly music with like silly lyrics. Right. So you like silly Reggie like Rapids not taking self too seriously. What about the boasting rap about sexual conquest? And you sure sure sure it my favorite right now little pump because he's very silly. He just. Really brags about like what he has. And that he went to Harvard, even though he didn't go to Harvard, and that's very funny bit. Rap career about going to Harvard. He has a. I dropped out of Harvard, and it's like he'd never. I just love so fun all of the bragging, it's done. You know, what I mean of all the bragging, I've never heard someone. Brag about their Ivy league. Yes, seem he'll take patients neck too late next to the Harvard crest when he's like in Boston. I guess that's Harvard is but he's never been. It's so funny to me. That's so cool. It would view would nothing would damage your rap reputation more people knowing that you would even gone application process. And with the nerds also listen to a lot of selene Dion. Do you like cellini on? I love swing Dion. I've seen her in concert. She's great. I love her. She doesn't mini monologue. A loose ten in between each song. I love her. She has jokes and stuff. I mean, she talks, but a lot of it's just like this is what I was feeling today. You have to listen you about that ticket? I'm cellini on. And she said that. Selene dion. She says I'm selene Dylan's like bitch me notes on the ticket cost her doing that. I'm going to turn saying I'm Conan Conan O'Brien. Yeah. Why not? It's probably something. I will be doing when I have dementia. They'll have that like on a on a card in my room. Hi, I'm Conan O'Brien did. Well, here's your pudding. You'll come. Visit me won't you in the hospital. Yeah. When I lose my mind. Make you change your will. Do you know what's in his will? I don't. But maybe it is dementia. Just bring it over to you. And have you change a few things? Relieve you, various sweets. She really won't we're besties. We're best. He's right path. I said besties, I know. No. I wanna talk about textile dysfunction. That's right textile dysfunction. You know, what I'm talking about Sonal? Yeah. That's one of those embarrassing fabric. Deficiencies that leads to poor performance in men's clothing. Is there a cure for it? You know, what I'm glad you ask isn't in Maine is an in Maine minute main makes dress shirts for men, but these aren't ordinary dress shirts, you see they have stretchable breathable fabrics that wick away moisture. And boy, do I pump out the moisture I am very moist, man. They have this. It's like athletic wear athletic wear that looks like a dress shirt. So you can enter a kickboxing match, and then perform a sacred ancient Japanese ritual. It's amazing that you can do both of those things wearing the same shirt. Well, that's mizzen and main for you. They don't require dry cleaning you can just wash him. And then hang on the dry. Yes. What's that? When she got a hand up there. What ancient Japanese rituals require you to wear a button up. Dresser you ask northern Japan? The formal dress shirt was invented. And I wasn't asking snarky. I'm glad I'm being edified here. No, snark Lee was a word. Maybe it is. I'm not sure you brandish another paper clip at me threatening. It put that down. Yeah. I will not be mocked, and I will be not be snark debt mizzen and main in Maine, look your best while you're moist body is kept dry head over to WWW dot, comfortable dot A F. Yeah. You know, what I'm talking about to check out these mizzen and main shirts get one for yourself way, or at it or someone you love or someone you just kinda like loves a lot of pressure. Get ten dollars off a dress shirt with code Conan at checkout. That's WWW dot comfortable dot eight f is it in Maine, look great longer. The way it went up at the end. I'm not a whiz when it comes to making smart investments. That's why I need all the help. I can get right. You know? That's why you want Robin Hood, it's an investing outlet you buy and sell stocks ATF's options cryptos all commission free. So even if you're like brand new to the stock market, this is free or you can invest with confidence. Who would like this? My son would like this because he's into this kind of thing. Yeah. I think the stock market can be very intimidating for people other brokerages up to ten dollars for every trade. You don't wanna do that? No, ten dollars a trade. What if you trade a lot? That's a lot of ten dollars. A lot of ten dollar. It's clear design easy to understand shirts. Market data man's four taps on your smartphone. These days, I either get you a date or now a very cool investment. Nice. I've looked at the Robin Hood app. And even I understand it. That's saying something it is. Because you see me try to order from post mates. Yeah. I tried to order a grilled cheese sandwich from post mates. And I think I ended up submitting my taxes for the year accidentally. So it's it's easy Robin hoods giving listeners a free stock like apple Ford or sprint to help. Build your portfolio. Sign up at Conan dot Robin, Hood dot com. That's Conan dot robinhood dot com. Don't be a chump get out of your stock slump. It's time to ride that bump I need to go to the hospital. Often fan whenever I do something ridiculous. There's always someone who takes it very seriously and says Conan just admitted to murder on stage. It's called the police. Yeah. I think people are confused about jokes sarcasm now. Yeah. I think everyone takes everything literally. No a lot of. It's just a joke. Right. It's getting it's getting it's interesting out there. Right. And we're going through a big change right now. Especially the weird thing is I feel people are getting sensitive about you for you. Like, I have I did a bunch of fat jokes on my special. And when I was working them out anytime, I told one people just go. I know. Yes. That you're beautiful. I'm like well. No, I am. But I could be both. But I am fat. You can't negate that. What are you gonna say? I'm not black like they're just things that are true. And then I had a figure out jokes to be like here's a joke about it being. Okay. That I'm going to talk about being fat, which is just it feels like a extra fat that I didn't need to do like maybe ten fifteen years ago. But I feel like everyone now is so sensitive that you kind of have to do that. But then I don't wanna say that everyone is so sensitive because it is good that we are sensitive. No. But I think you should be allowed to talk about yourself. I have had this situation. I can relate to been self deprecating my whole life, and I come by honestly because I grew up with low self a lot of things -iety and then gradually overcame a lot of that. But that's a real part of my comedy. And then there are nights. Right. Go out. And I make jokes about myself and the crowd doesn't know. No, you're not a nerd or. No, you're not an and I think I like myself, I really do like myself at the end of the day. But this was just. I was just trying to make a joke and people think that I wanna get on stage, and how people go, well, I feel for you know, I you dark room to ha- right actually funded refreshing that no matter how long you do this for and who you are and how much name recognition you have the thing about comedy is that if you do it for long enough, and you're out there. I don't care who you are. You're going to find yourself in a situation where some of your stuff is in clicking. And it's one of the reasons I really envy musicians because a musician can go out, let's say just pick anybody, but just pick any musician beyond saying say beyond say beyond. They can go out. And I can't imagine beyond say having a bad experience on stage. Now, she can go backstage and say, I didn't like the sound it didn't sound right to me. I didn't like the mix the lighting was in at the right place. She can be unhappy for different reasons. I didn't like this dancer was a little off. But nobody nobody is going listens to a famous musician and says I like this. But this part of the crowd this part of the song. They really lost me there. But then they got me back comedians are judged moment to moment to moment to moment to moment. And it doesn't matter. What level you get to? It's what if you got today. And I say you have to continuously put out new material. Nobody wants to come see you. If they've watched your specialty don't want the same jokes with a musician. You can play the same song for the rest of your life. It asks happy people were delighted exactly you can go out there. There's no I don't see why they'd be nervous beforehand because is beyond say really back stage. Singing thinking, oh, I'm wonder if they're going to like crazy in love khanate. Are they gonna like it tonight? Or are they going to sort of start booing halfway through? No, she's not worried not at all. She's like they're gonna love this. Arrangement because I was bored of how it was. Yeah. I mean, she could just say the words quietly. This is fun for me. Yeah. Let's talk about that. You bring up interesting thing, which is happening now, there's so many outlets. That's the good news. The bad news is that you can spend a year maybe year and a half working out an hour that you really like. And then you do it for net. Are you you do it for somebody. Do it for HBO. You do it for someone bang. They did it. And then what else you got? Yeah. Then you have to start at zero and work yourself back up to the hour that has been very hard because I put out a half hours. So then I truly only had to get a half hour worth of material. But then it came out New Year's day and the month leading up to Hollywood and like Elliott kind of shut down. So there weren't very many shows. So then I was like I don't know how I'm going to figure out this new material, and then it came out, and I was like half to fucking figure it out. So I just did show after show after show after show and finally figure. It it out. But it was a lot of work. And I don't know how people do it. Yeah. I'm always amazed someone like a John Mullany who just seems. Yes. And. Jim gaffe, again, just seem to I think if you if you if you forbade them from doing any joke they've ever told before and said it's against the law nephew to do anything. You've ever said before. Now, go to your room. They'd be back a few hours later another like a full hour full our lasers a lot like laser. Up joke machine, Michelle wolf, it's I'm very envious of people like that. But also, I got another process there who knows is wild. I don't know. I have a process we have a process the process he for the show. I don't even think I have a process. Think I mean, it's very collaborative very collaborative like to have a lot of other voices come in and give you a pinions. You like listening to what other people have to say them to start to give their opinion and the minute. It's not what I want. Shut up. We have to tell them. Everything's good. All the time. You realized you do realize you. I am. Do you realize who you're talking to? All right. So I want to get back to your life because I'm curious if you're using the the apps are you using the apps? Yes. That's that's a world that I've never lived in. I don't belong in that world. Very lucky lucky. Yes. Because I don't know how I would deal with it. How would you? How do you deal with the apps if I was on? I wouldn't know what was happening. It's awful. It's like everybody has a billion people in their pocket and they're just swiping away. I'm on so many apps on Tinder, Emma bumble. Okay. Cupid riot hinge. I don't even know what some of these are. What's riot riot is an exclusive one have to apply to get on it? And then another member has the like valid for you or whatever. And then there's like semi famous people on it, and you're not allowed to take screen shots or the ways you get kicked off. And they put me on a waiting list for two full years. Is that true other celebrities on this? What's it called again? Laverty riot deejays in Australia. The lowest ring. Dante did say the very last level of Hal. Tralian DJ's. Sorry, deejays Australia. But you have that come in. And you know it. Wow. So you're on these different apps. I'm curious. Maybe this is just an idea. I'm having right now. But an app for married men that don't wanna fool around. But we just wanna know what women think of us got. That's what I'm interested in. Honestly, I'm serious because that's a good idea. Like like, okay, Conan O'Brien, very happily married loves his wife loves his kids doesn't want to do anything doesn't even want to meet you. But what do you think I would read the comments and the be like, he's good? No lips. He's got Beatty is a hate him. Whatever I would probably read all those hosting all those. You could just ask for it. Now on your podcast star to read it thread about your opinions about Conan his data -bility his data Bility's think crass his his his dick size will. No, it's not get. After leaving me back to that. You know, would you do this guy him, but you do him? Yeah. You know? And then it would be a way that I could keep track of my relatives sexual attractiveness or lack thereof. Do you actually care what other people think of you swim in comedy? The only reason I'm in comedy. No, actually, I I I I passed I too much care. What about me not in that area because that's not an area my life exploring anymore. But I if I could change one thing about myself. I would I would have an operation. I probably said this before I would have an operation and remove the part of my brain. That cares. What other people think of me because it's it's too big. I care too much. What other people think and it's exhausting. It is exhausted. I don't like that aspect of my personality. I think it's it's that's what I would like to change. The most. But yeah. In terms of my, you know, sexiness new I don't really care. It's kind of a moot point. But everything else. Yes. Which is bad. That's not good. Yeah. It said. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to say to care that much. I don't know if it's sad. I think we all care to some extent. What people think of us? I don't care. What people think about me like physically like, I don't give a shit like beauty is subjective. Also comedy subject. If you like me like me if you don't like me, don't like me. It's just when I'm in front of a crowd. That's when I care about what people think, that's the only thing that really truly matters. Because subjective if I'm on a TV, and you hate it and your in your basement, that's fine with me. Right. Oh, I actually don't if I don't go on social media at all. Because I'm always stunned when comedians or anyone tells me, I was on your show. But then it was reading all these comments afterwards. A lot of people said nice things. But one person said, and I thought that's the last thing in the world. I would ever do is go trolling through social media to see what random people. I'm never going to meet we don't anyway, do you? Really? Yeah. 'cause masochistic I'm waiting for someone to tell me something. I don't know. I know. That I know I'm black. I know I might not be funny to you because it's objective. But I'm waiting for someone to your heart is black and your soul is dark. And here's why. And they'll be like. Oh, okay. Thank you. Hey, you're right. Okay. I am the anti Christ. And just waiting for someone to tell me something. I don't know. You know, another difference between us, I don't have any tattoos. I have freckles you get tattoos. Yes. You have God's tattoos, and I have manmade cheese. My mother told me when I was a kid, but I had all these freckles. They were much more pronounced when I was a kid. I mean, I just was one of those kids that was just spotted all over and I didn't like it. And I told my mom, I don't like these freckles. Why do I have them? And she said, it's where angels kissed you. At the time. I was sort of like and then later on life went on. I thought. That's. Weird and kind of crow so cute. But also these are very tiny angels with very small lips. Yeah. And there's a little creepy nece to it little that little kid. That many angels. Yeah. Vows of angels descended on me. Why were they kissing my low back? You know what? I mean, there's any kind of creepy, but creepy if you break it down and think about it. But you you've gone for the tattoos. Yes. I have I think fifteen now fifteen I think so I have a bicycle on my arm underneath it says little fatty. Then I. I have a little pig with wings and elephant a Flamingo cute says good night world, which is a matching tattoo. I have with my best friends this year. But I have an ice cream cone a lollipop and a cupcake and it says, it's sweet taste it. And the next to it. I have a hot dog and a hamburger and assisted in these buns. But she actually pepper this Mike Allen. These men must be getting ice train from all that reading. Well. Okay. I got it for you know. To like have a break and have something to read back there. He put on glasses. Nobody's ever read. It. Nobody's ever been like quill what great jokes? No, it's ever said it, and then I was dating Jude while I got the hamburger in the hot dog. And it was like taped up because I just gotten at that day. Did you talk tunes? Yeah. I know that you were bandaged wanna stop fucking to see what it was. And I was like, okay. So these are pointless. These are just for me. That's incredible. That's incredible. I think if I got a tattoo I would get one tattoo. It would be on my chest. And it would say I was murdered. And then that way the coroner whenever I do go natural causes. They would have to investigate right? They would like take off the sheet and would say I was murdered. And if you're the coroner if I was eight years old and had pneumonia. It'd be like we got look into that. But you'd have to get it tattooed to look like it was etched near skin. Yeah. Because otherwise if it's just like typewriter funds like oh. Well, he's funny. I would say this is not a joke. I was murdered investigate. I don't know. I think that's a cool tattooed again. I also have dumb tattoos. I have a bunch of teas that I made on Microsoft Word because. This is Microsoft Word clip art, and then on my shoulder here. I have some anchor. Soft font and then on my ankles because I went to tattoo shop saw the what it's called flash on the walls. I saw that. I was like, oh, they can only copy. I don't want. What everybody else has home. Make my own at home, not thinking that everyone has Microsoft Word, and it's widely available. So. And then I figured out later that tattoo can draw whatever you want. Yes. I have one to just like say for five five Microsoft Word. I have the Exxon logo. I also have crest toothpaste logo. Mcdonald's arches on my ass. Just you're like a race car with corporate sponsorship. Pennzoil this has been fun. I have to say I was really looking forward to talking to you. Because every time I talked to you. It's effortless. I love it. I have a blast. And I feel better afterwards. Serious talking to you. It's very nice. You're very kind person. I'll thank you. Bye. First appearance, you came to the dressing room, and you gave me a hug like we were old friends. And I was like this some nice. Let's not no I I try. I mean, I think I'm a nice person. You don't have to be. No, I didn't realize that. I've had a lot of people say that they'll just did a tour this tour and run funches would say you're nice to other people strangers. Who is if that was a weird thing, and it is when people get a level of sick. Success? They tend to like forget that other people have feelings. Do you know what I mean? Like, I've met people who are famous or whatever. And they're not nice. And you're just like, ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Never be like that now. Well, I love that. I don't know. I think it's. I have really did a really good job. So that's them. But I love this. I really love talking to you. And I'm glad that you're excited to be my friend, and I will say this. You're one of the cooler friends. I have you know, you really very, and I think you're going to help me on my journey because I think I need to channel I needed channel not all of Nicole buyer. But like some Nicole best I need, I need some Nicole buyer in me. Okay. Here's the thing. You could do one day when you have nothing to do wake up put on a real wacky outfit. Ask one of your kids to just plan the day for you. And then do whatever they wanna do. It will probably be stupid because kids they're dumb. And then if you just fully Brian Brayson, do it. He might just get out of your comfort zone a little bit. I son would probably have me rob a Bank. Then you rob a Bank. All right. I'm rob a Bank like what like weird little adventure where you're not actually committing a crime. But like right tesa Bank. Bank case when I'm arrested for hanging around a Bank and taking pictures like my son. Yeah. Be like my third in your old, son. I'm getting out of my comfort zone. Yeah. My comfort zone. That's why I take the knife to my cab. Yeah. Tattoo. I was murdered investigate. Look, man. Well, thank you so much for coming here for having me, Nicole buyer. I I love her. I'm a fan. I love her. And I'm I'm down. I'm down. What does that even be? That's very funny. I'm dan. Dan down. Yeah. Someone who doesn't like it when I say peace out to pock emails paid them bills. When you say that you say paid them bills. I never said that like on Email, no in on this podcast. Right. We have a few times. Few times recorded evidence that yes. Okay. Well, I'm an idiot. Thank you. Oh, okay. No. You're. Glasses. These are just drone. Fracture Fe, take photographs that you might share online or show to people in person or keeping your wallet. And here's what they do. They print them directly on glass. And it comes ready display out of the box, even include the wall hanger who has does that takes a picture that you have in your life and converts it to glass, it's amazing. Yes. It is. Amazing. I don't even know how they do it. I'm sure they have some kind of fancy machine, but I do know where they do it. And that's Gainesville Florida. And that's another reason I'm passionate about is. I love me Gainesville. The materials are sourced right in the United States, fractures, green company, operating a carbon neutral, factory spring, of course, time of refreshing and renewal fracture encourages you to refresh your walls and shelf space. This bring with the moments that matter most to you by turning your digital images into glass photo prints March twentieth through April fourth save twenty percent on all print sizes. If yours just so in someone a photograph that isn't on glass, your dick in my. Fractures the way to go. We've had personal experience with fracture. And we've been quite pleased. I wanna get into the civics. Visit fracture me dot com slash Conan for special discount on your first fractured. Order. Don't forget to pick Conan O'Brien needs a friend in there. One question if you can't answer a one question survey after check out the new are you to tell them who sent you fracture me dot com slash Coenen. Don't be an ass printed on glass. It's time for a little true and false with Sona. My trustee assistant because I'm finding that people are really fascinated with our relationship. It's not the traditional loss assistant relationship. That's true. Yeah. It's not the traditional like, I'm scared of my boss, and I respect spent. I mean, you have some respect there. I'm guessing there's some okay. Well, this is a true thing that happened. I think you just gonna say this is true. I'm talking about a text that you sent me a couple of days ago. It was about your dog and your and this is this is true. Right. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely true story. Your dog's name is it. My dog's name is oaky oak after my husband, and I were in honeymooning in Okinawa. When we decided we wanted to adopt her. We didn't adopter from Okinawa. Right. But you just made a decision. So you caller Okie. Yes. And I've met okay. Okay. Cute dog. Okay. I. Yeah. Okay. I so okay. I is that's important. So Sona sends me this text a couple of days ago workday, and the text basically says that was really really sick. Sometimes used two semi Texas San going to be a little late because something came I'm responsible. Yeah. Sometimes they're going to be late because I'm gonna go hatch shopping. Because that's a fifties. Cliche. L up to hang onto women love their hats. But. You sent me a text in the morning that basically the message was that you're going to be late. But the text said that it was all because your dog had gotten sick and made a mess in the apartment, and I don't think he realized, but but you have kind of a casual texting style, and he sent this text. So I'm busy in the morning. You know, me, I'm working out shaving my chest. What do you? That's a nice image for everyone out there. There's a lot of stuff I do in the morning to prepare my body for the day. Now, I'm getting ready. What's true, various trimmings and various actually? Various abrasive. Abrasive emoluments. But anyway, I'm getting ready, and then I'm dressed, and I'm ready to go. And I look at my. Look at my phone, and I text from you. And it says that basically and what I see is that because of you spelled it quickly whatever I see. Okay. And then the I is separated. And so what I see is. Okay. I threw up and there's vomit everywhere and shit all over the floor shit everywhere. So there's vomit and there's shit. So I'm gonna clean it up. So I'm going to be a little late. And I looked at. I'm like types back. What question Mark question. Mark question, Mark. Because basically, you just told me as far as I understand it. 'cause I forgot your dog's name. And I forgot what I hear is like, okay, I'm sick throwing up everywhere. And then I started shitting on the floor, and then I shit all over the floor throw some more and then shit and other places to clean it up. And I'll be right in my swear to God. I was thinking I understand why should be should be throwing up. I didn't understand why he were dropping your pants shitting all over the floor. And then the part, I really didn't understand is why you would then race into work. So I wrote you what these question marks kind of pissed like dude my dog said, right? I he's true. You said what like you were? I honestly didn't expect that to be response. And I was like what part of my dog is shitting in vomiting to understand. Okay. Not. Okay. I. But that is a typical day a true story. And I told my kids that story it's unites ago, and it's the hardest. I've seen either one of them, and we have no swear policy in our house. But I said before until the story I'm going to use the s h word because it's just a funny story. And they were obviously they were fine with it. But my son was doubled over like crying laughing. Right. And I when I when you said what I remember I doubled down. And I was like, okay. As shitting and vomiting. There's a lotta shit and it just kept repeating. I know it was who's on first routine up to the twenty first century. Yeah. That was I really enjoyed. That knows. It was before the Dave and started. Yeah. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with sonum of session and Conan O'Brien as himself produced by me, Matt gorlic, executive produced by Adam Saks, Jeff Rossa team. Coco and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at your special, thanks to Jack white for the theme song incidental music by Jimmy Gavino. Our supervising producer is Aaron blared. And the show is engine eared by will Becton you can rate and review this show on apple podcasts. And you might find your review featured on a future episode got a question for Conan. Call the team. Coco hotline at three two three four five one two eight two one and leave a message to could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend on apple podcasts. Wherever find podcasts are downloaded. Cocoa production in association. I wanna like talk about the problems. I want to talk about an issue. But I can I say also you look gorgeous. I'm charles. And this is the problem with Charles. The problem with Charles Casey each week against we'll bring us a problem. They're having in their life while we unpack it reflect on it. And generally talk shit. I season we'll be helping solve the problems of guest like Louie Anderson. I wanted retribution because I'm from a big family. So you don't you don't you have to get back up people sometime. Jessica Williams, I'm gonna laugh at your token now that I'm going to cry when I like. When I leave. And Chelsea Peretti comedy. I actually didn't know it goes in and out really effortlessly funny. Listen to the problem with Charles in Casey starting Monday, April. I only on your will.

Conan Conan O'Brien Nicole buyer David Lee Roth Dick United States Palm Springs van halen Sammy Hagar Harvard Dan Shen Africa Matt gory Bryant Gowrali ram Stoker Webster
Conan signs a seven figure deal, apparently driving the podcast revolution

podnews

02:16 min | 1 year ago

Conan signs a seven figure deal, apparently driving the podcast revolution

"The latest from pod news dot net conan o'brien's team coco has signed a seven figure deal with mineral from for more seasons of conan o'brien needs of friends team. Coco has also launched two new podcast on luminary. A variety article announced his the deal claiming that conan brian is driving the podcast revolution and it's come into some quite snarky criticism online with many people claiming that conan has just turned up ten years too late find find you. Nobody has picked up on what is the most obvious mistake variety conan on its cover with the words audio boom when everybody knows that conan's podcasts are actually surely hosted by art nineteen. I'm here all week podcast episodes within google search appearing again in australia and the u._k. And and also in france germany and sweden in front of google's sixty-three thousand searches per second your podcast hosts will probably mark these as a play from browser rather than from google podcasts. Why don't podcasts work on smart because steve goldstein highlights reasons why from his panel podcast movement you'll find a link to his blog hosted in our episode notes newsletter today. The great british podcast tracker has been launched by research company kantar. It'll give a clear picture of who podcast asked listeners are in the country and paul bible calls itself. The u._k.'s. I ever magazine dedicated to podcasts. It gives away five thousand print copies of every issue issue willing to this month in digital form in our episode notes on our newsletter today and the audio production awards are open for interests in the u._k. You have until the twentieth of september number and thank you to rooster teeth and the roost for becoming our latest supporter they make super great podcasts and youtube things. You should be like them at pot. News dot net slash support in podcasts live from satin is a brand new podcast from the academy of science fiction fantasy horror which is presented the saturn awards for forty four years zachary. Levi from suzanne is the latest guest and that's the latest from our newsletter called called news dot net.

conan conan o'brien google conan brian coco u._k. Levi kantar steve goldstein zachary paul bible australia sweden france suzanne germany forty four years ten years
BONUS: Introducing Inside Conan

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

05:33 min | 2 years ago

BONUS: Introducing Inside Conan

"Hey, Conan O'Brien needs a friend listeners. We have an episode of the show coming for your brand new one as usual this Monday. But I've got something a little special for you in the feed today. It's a preview of a new podcast out now from ear wolf and team. Coco called inside Coenen, unimportant Hollywood podcast. Yes. You heard that correctly a podcast that is all about the goings on at Conan the show, not me the person, but the show which is basically me the person because I host the show inside Coenen is hosted by Conan writer producers, Mike Sweeney. Jesse gaskell? Here's why I believe this is an important podcast. These two are brutally brutally honest with me in my everyday life. They can be quite cruel, and they're very funny, and they're going to take you behind the. Scenes here discuss their favourite bits of the week on the Conan show. And also, I'm certain talk at length about things they thought were hilariously bad. And probably tell you things about me and foibles that I have humiliating. They're going to have exclusive interviews with Conan gas and just in general if you like it all what it is. I do you find it all interesting, but you wanna see the real sickness behind it all Mike Sweeney and Jesse Gasco are going to give up the goods. So might be worth your time. Look up inside cone in your podcast app. You have an open right now. I'm assuming we really should the first episode is right there for you to hear subscribe. So you do not miss an episode. Right now. Enjoy this preview of inside Coenen. You'll see the next episode of Conan O'Brien needs a friend on Monday as usual now. My copy said you'll see it. But that stupid you'll hear it. So I'm going to find the person who wrote see it and burn them to the ground, and that's the kind of cruelty and arbitrary insanity. The you'll hear more about from Mike Sweeney and Jesse Gasco in inside Conan and important Hollywood podcast. I am mcsweeny. And I'm Jesse Gaskell. We're both writers and producers here at Conan and every week. We're going to take you behind the orange curtain to tell you what it's really like to work here on the show. You know, many ways we have a very regular office life, and we're going to tell you about all our petty office. Dramas dirty dishes left in the saying people complaining about this isn't the right and milk. Yeah. The only difference is it's because the almond milk belongs to Tom Hanks. So we're going to share that hot celebrity green room gossip and even play some highlights from the show this week, not only the highlights, but we're going to tell you the salacious stories behind those highlights because we never signed nondisclosure agreements. Did we know we didn't? In fact, I just found out we've been fired. Okay. Well, this was fun. Anyway, this is our podcast inside Conan. It's now called cleaning out our office. I think just bonded the normal way. Together in Berlin and a sex dungeon while Conan was tied up in leather cuffs. Yeah. With dominatrix leader within a dominatrix who it's as if the TV cameras weren't there. She was ready to go. She had no boundaries. No. And we had not established a safe word. Yeah. That that was a slight oversight legitimately worried for Conan's orifices. I was worried for him as wells for my job. But we made it through did get through. And now we're off on a new adventure. Together. We're going to have unfettered access to some of the wacky characters that work here on the show like Jordan's Lansky. We might even find out what he does for a living. That's one of our goals. So your other outside interests are sitting working out thinking if you're classifying it physically. Yes, I'm sitting. But I don't even notice I'm sitting I'm thinking, we're also going to talk to executive producer Jeff Ross executive producer Jeffress is usually unreachable. But we got him. Him. We can cut through the bullshit. We can avail smell the show, and we went to commercial break. So I go out there and see Milton Berle. And he goes I wanted to walk on. I think he literally on his mouth. We'll talk to talent producers who deal with all of our celebrity guests to wrangle all the celebrity cats. We have on the show. Yes. Jennifer Aniston brought her own bodyguard somehow person came in. She hasn't been hooked in twenty twenty years, and it was very eighty and she didn't like it at all. And we're going to be talking to Conan writers. Yeah. They're still talking to us. Yes. Barely. Yeah. We're also going to play for you are handpicked artisanal Lee chosen clips from the Conan show. Yes. Conan highlight show that also features a cliche free look under the hood at the whole enchilada. Yeah. The inside scoop on how the late nights Osset gets made sausage getting kind of hungry hungry inside Conan and important. Hollywood podcast is out now. Subscribe now to inside Conan and important Hollywood podcast in apple podcasts. Spotify Stitcher, Google podcasts, or whatever podcast platform you like best.

Conan Conan O'Brien Conan Jesse gaskell Mike Sweeney Coenen Jesse Gasco Hollywood Jordan Milton Berle Coco Tom Hanks Jennifer Aniston writer Spotify apple executive producer Osset Lee
Yes, Indie Podcasters Can Compete... And Win! [Episode 276]

Podcast Pontifications

08:31 min | 1 year ago

Yes, Indie Podcasters Can Compete... And Win! [Episode 276]

"Don't stop podcasting because you feel. You can't compete with big media podcasts. You can okay. Maybe not on marketing dollars not on talent acquisition but the only thing stopping you from competing on sound quality is you hello and welcome to another podcast pontificators with me. Yvo Tara. Look. You can't change the fact that Conan O'Brien and other well-funded celebrities have come into podcasting space and I've got a yes secret for you here. They've been here for a long time and they're going to stay. Why wouldn't they stay? This is a medium that people are flocking to people are coming podcasting more and more all the time to get great content big media companies make media and they put it in the places where people are consuming those media dollars those media impressions to make dollars as narrow their whole model and yeah they've got giant piles of cash. They can throw at an awareness campaign to make sure that hundreds of thousands of people if not millions of people in fact almost always millions of people are exposed to these potential. They're able to grab the best and most recognizable names in the world to come and make podcast. They're able to hire amazing writers and a gigantic team. That is teeming with people. Like a dozen or more people can be thrown at this podcasting thing and you the Indie podcast. Her are thinking. Whoa I don't have any of that. I don't have a giant team of people. I don't have a name. That is recognizable by the majority of households in this country or any country. I can't compete with the marketing dollars that are being spent to give my little show exposures as true you cannot compete at that level but one of the things that you might notice when you start listening to some of these really really big shows is they all sound good not all but the vast majority of them sound great and that is one area that you can compete because as my friend Tom. Kelly stated so eloquently indie. Podcast doesn't have to mean podcasts. Now I have to bleep this out. It doesn't have to mean low quality. Sound look you do not have to invest tens of thousands of dollars to have an amazing sound quality. You do not have to buy studio level software that puts you in the poor house. You don't have to do that now. Maybe just maybe you will have to spend some money to improve your sound but if you WANNA compete against big media. You're going to have to make some sort of an investment. It doesn't have to be an investment of tens of thousands of dollars heck. It doesn't have to be an investment of much more than thousand dollars and if a thousand dollars seems out of your ballpark. I get it but I'm not saying that's a number you have to spend right now. I am saying focus in double down on your quality. No you can't compete against marketing. No you can't compete against the talent acquisition but there is nothing stopping you and individual person and independent from making amazing quality. Sound now maybe you have your mind and your eyes set on doing something like the New York. Times does with the daily or The Washington Post does with post reports or the great stuff coming out of Twenty Thousand Hertz. Defacto sound those are big productions. Those are very big productions. That do require a lot of if not people then people hours. That's going to be harder for you to compete on because it just takes a lot of time and you as an independent person. Maybe you have to go do your regular day job. I get that maybe podcasting is your job. But you're just one particular person you can't invest one hundred twenty five hours of work putting out a daily episode. I get it. You can't do that. That is a very real statement. So don't even try. Don't even try to put out a daily show that requires that level of complexity reduce the frequency reduce the complexity. But whatever you do do not reduce the quality. Make sure it sounds amazing every single time with whatever you can do with whatever tools you have at your disposal. Make sure you're making amazing quality sound. I've heard it said before that your audience will forgive you if you try to reach for something that you really can attain. And that's true to a limit but if you're spending countless hours putting together a highly complex show and the quality of the sound sucks. You're wasting your time. You're just doing it the wrong that way to be really honest with you. So don't do it. Stay focused on the sound quality. That's the area that you can compete on. You WanNa know that when someone listens to the Conan O'Brien podcast and then listened to your podcast that there's no difference in sound quality and if anything you want your sound quality to be better you can do this you. The individual can do this. There isn't a magical thing you can buy for fifty thousand dollars. That makes shows sound amazing. It's worth its commitment to your craft. It's getting better. It's understanding every piece of equipment every bit of software the entire process soup to nuts. It is about becoming a student of that which we do and a fantastic storyteller. If you can do all of those things then you can compete on quality and anybody who's willing to invest the time and maybe a little bit of money can do it so now you may not be able to compete against marketing talent acquisition or other big spins but dammit you can compete on quality even as an Indie podcast. When you're getting together with your podcasting friends. Ask them how much time they spend on the quality. How much of a commitment do they have? The other thing you should be doing is be very honest with your friends. You say to them that they say to you. Hey check out my show. Tell me what you think. Tell Him we think be honest with them. If the quality needs to be improved. Tell them that they need to hear that. If you don't want to be the one to tell them sin them this episode of broadcast pontiff occasions where I will tell them that. It is incredibly important to make. Sure your sound quality it's outstanding. That's it enjoy the rest of your weekend to work on the sound because no I don't put out new episodes on Friday however I shall be back on Monday with yet. Another podcast on vacations cheers.

Conan O'Brien New York The Washington Post Kelly Tom thousand dollars one hundred twenty five hours fifty thousand dollars Twenty Thousand Hertz
Matt Gourley

Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast

35:53 min | 9 months ago

Matt Gourley

"The. Arab buddy and you are officially invited to see our free virtual standup show hosted by really good friend. Comedian. Moses Storm Moses is hilarious One of my favorites absolutely brilliant comedian I team coke alive Moses and friends airs every other Thursday on Tim. Cocoa's twitch youtube and facebook channels. You can also watch the next day on team Coco lives instagram past guests have included Chris read from start live Joachim Booster from search party, Rachel Bloom, from crazy ex girlfriend and the fantastic Jenny's agree, no follow team. Coco live on instagram for announcements on upcoming shows and guess you'll be happy you did. And now it's time for. Inside Conan. Hollywood cast. Welcome. To inside Conan and important Hollywood podcast. My name is Mike Sweeney writer in the cone show and I'm just the gaskell another writer on the show we are your hosts and we take you deep inside beyond the esophagus through the stomach is really in the do addendum area. Yes and that's where things get bad great show today we're excited about today's guest we are he has taken place Conan's new. Punching bag. Yeah. That's tough for one person to do. That's a lot to take on. We're talking about the producer of Conan O'Brien needs a friend Mr Matt, Gore Lee one of the king's a podcast I mean he's been well known in the podcast community for since its inception. Yeah. His podcast Superego is one of the original podcasts and it's still running here he is Mr Matthew I call Matthew Matthew. Wow. That felt good. Really Nice. Well, so we did a sink clap and Matt Gourley I'm told you're the one who does that for Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Yeah. It's nice to be on the receiving end of the sink clap instead of pulling the strings. Yeah. What a treat for you it really is I mean we're joking but if I'm being honest, it's just along for the ride our engineer will executed that one any critique? Did he do a good job? He did a better than I could wills a master. He's the real brains behind this should be running the whole show. Yes. I would love if it turned out that you weren't recording this. Matt. Audios just awful. Well, this is your third podcast of the day. So we should go easy on. You will keep this to four minutes. It's the last one though like this is the one where you get me Lucy. I'm all yours I've never seen you like this. Or heard you like this matt after dark. Well. So people who are fans of CONAN's podcast GonNa Brian needs a friend will recognize Matt's voice. Matt Gourley. Beautiful. Silky Boys. Your title is producers isn't it? That's right. Yeah. But you're also a character on the show now that came as a surprise along the way. Well, originally, it was just going to be can you kind of help out with this? I, think it kind of became more well, do you want to produce it and then somewhere along those production lines I became an embattled sidekick along with SONA once you started recording with SONA SONA most sesing CONAN's real side pick at work his assistant. Yeah. He needs to co host to handle them on a podcast. And I need her to to get through it. I was curious because I think Conan is kind of relentless liberals thoughtlessly Hubby Attack I. Assume you always have each other's back probably that would be the wisest thing to do although today was one of the first I think one of two times where we didn't because it was an. Over our s'mores good and Conan I of all people agreed that they're overrated and sonal she goes hard for smaller. So Oh boy. So you were toward the what did you do in that situation? Well, I agreed with Conan, but ultimately I have to side with Sony just doesn't feel right to agree with Conan. Yeah. He's trying to separate you I think. He's always trying to divide you. Further Week and you and then divide you again against yourself you know what I love s'mores. You can say that here on our podcast thank you. It's nice to be in a safe space. By the way there's a big opportunity for you to promote the number one comedy podcast in the world. On Our podcast Nice move. Congratulations 'cause ever managing your career. Bud We are giving you the opportunity to be I mean you're the star of this show you don't have to. Play the supporting character and you can say whatever you want here. You use it for good that along and be friendly. All right. Nice. In appointed way. Yes point well taken. Well, this is a safe space. Thank you anything. You say that is negative about anyone will be looped. And played over and over again the Audio Archives I've got things I'm sitting on that weren't during cells right? Nobody ever better mess with me. Yeah. People should know that if you're speaking into a microphone, it's always recording even if you don't think it is. Yeah. Are you hands on with editing the show afterwards? Yeah that's I. Edit the entire show Oh. Wow. Okay. We'll does all the engineering, the recording and stuff, but now we record separately in our own locations. But yeah, I receive all the files and do all the post production and content editing and all that Oh. Wow. Are you ever tempted to edit out Conan being really hard on you or I have? Actually. I love that that you run it by like that twenty five minutes view accelerating me I'm going to take out or no he doesn't even listen so I don't know of course he doesn't listen listen. That's a great position to be in because you didn't know that were going to end up being such a big part of the actual podcast, but then it slowly at some point must have dawned on you like, okay I'm you know I have to come prepared every week for whatever ribbing I'M GONNA TAKE That was a real learning curve. Yeah. Cone will often mentioned how he grew up in a family of six in that. This is his learned behavior from fighting to survive in the jungle of his family's wits or whatever, and in the jungle of Middle Class Irish House. I grew up in a super polite. Kind, and friendly family where we just didn't do this kind of thing. So it's been a real shock to. Do Sort of carry issues with my older sister who kind of I love now we're so close but she was a bit of a bully and I was probably a bit of a you know a little annoyance but right? Yeah. So we have those semaines that that relationship now mirrors professionally. I think you're probably right. Training Yeah I know that's probably the perfect storm we've got going and and why there's some clashing yeah. Yeah. You fell right into that old pattern I know you can break out of it. No, you can't. I should ask you guys give me guidance what what are you? Tools what's your advice? It's like when you see when you're believe starts bullying a new kid and you're like, okay. We were like for years like you should try a podcast with a co host just you know stretcher wings gay out of my office. So your vices I've gotta find someone else to be the news. Exactly. Like an assistant producer or something you right or find a new medium for him to. quit and someone has to take my job. You can't quit and I'm so damaged. I've been there twenty five years. I, don't even understand someone is to remind me that any of it is there's a problem with any any of it. I'm just. have. Stockholm Syndrome. It's just like I. Don't see what the big deal is here folks. Half but fair. So it was that an adjustment I must have been an adjustment. Right? 'CAUSE CONAN is sometimes I marvel at. He really is like a dog with a bone. Once he's got something on you. He'll just keep Pamela. And it's it's funny. You have to give it up. It's funny I think it all started with house dressed, and so I've just never also had anybody who wasn't over seventy comment on how I dressed. As. A sort of like you know you go to Thanksgiving and grandma and be like well, you I don't like that shirt. Just. So blatant that rock and roll band. Yeah. That kind of thing. I was just so thrown for a few episodes. I just didn't say anything because I was I don't even know how to respond especially from someone who sometimes wearing a crocodile Dundee hat, right? And ironically yeah. Plastic teeth, I'd respect that. If they were real alligators. Good point you can see the plastic seem running around every single to. Very impressive. This feels good. So did you just start showing up naked to the so he couldn't go after your clinical. It's funny as I did start dressing down and I don't know if it was subconscious at first or did but I started. I went from whatever he thought I was just address kind of like I. Remember some Sweaters v Neck. Sweaters we'd see you in. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. I mean you could probably call me at that time like block or something, but he had turned me into like a tweed-wearing hipster. I don't know that fully understands what a a hipster is, but I went from. What I called like. Cia Dad like someone who's undercover and is trying to look like they could be at home at a PTA meeting or most inoffensive. Like on the Americans. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He got his first foothold on the way you were dressed and then yes what does he have other specific riffs with you things? He's always going after that. What else does he think hipsters do? Well, he he gets on me about my tastes similar like they're very similar his like I have a phone that used to be owned by Eisenhower Presidential History Oh. He wouldn't let up about that but you know well, he's jealous. That's just jealous. Yes. Of course, he wants you to give up the phone that's not gonNA happen. Any. will now he'll try to trump you by buying a phone that. The first phone ever used in the white. House that it. Yeah. So now he goes after your interests in spite of them mirroring his own, and then sometimes there'll be a Glimmer of bonding over them, but does not enough now and then sometimes it'll level out but then it'll come back and you you just I'm always on my toes I'm finding or I'll get comfortable he will lo you into like comfort and that's that's when you can smell the blood. Yes. That's many strikes I've gotten lulled I've like when we're doing a five weeks of shows by the third day of the first week, you're like, okay, I'm. Back up I'm ready I've got my armor on but the first day back from a break totally hill come at you at full ribs. Yeah. We were supposed to take a few weeks off for the podcast right? Because it's quarantine I. Think he's got nothing really occupying his time and he just said Nope we're back to it next week it's twice a week now. We've we we had one every day this week and from what I thought was going to be a couple of weeks off to full bore recording and there was a moment where I went. Emotionally prepared for this. You need to up your therapy session I. Know You Mentally Thought you had a nice little a little break coming. Right? I thought I was going like I had a two week pass from East Berlin into Berlin. Instead, your break is doing a podcast with us. That's not cake it. That is so this. Is, this is feeling good but matt you. Okay. Just to get away from Conan for a second I'm sure we'll come back but you've been in the podcast game for a long time. I learned this about you that you started in like two thousand, six podcast that embarrassing see that's what he should be getting on me about why is that embarrassing? You're such an early adopter I didn't even know we had podcast in two, thousand six I had a blackberry. Listen I mean we had so few listeners. It was it was a little. Where did they go? I mean just how did they go onto the Internet? It was the the only way you could listen like on a website where the audio would be posted or apple I tunes podcast still existed, but there was no iphone or was that year, but it was still coming out. So you to download it on your desktop and then your ipod with it. That's why it gets podcast. ipod. Wow I loved it. Your involvement predated the iphone yes. Yes. That's quite a demarcation line. Here's how crazy it was. We even recorded our first episode not on a computer, but like a digital music, hard separate recording and I would pump it into my computer with analog wires like there is an analog component to our podcast. Recording onto vinyl. Basically I was the Jack White of podcasts. Okay. Now you I know I think you are a hipster. I know, but it was by necessity 'cause I. Didn't have the software not the not the aesthetics I swear it's like you and Jimmy. Pardo. Were the only two people podcast I know that's true. Yeah. About. It's called Superego and in one form or another it's still going because we would take these long breaks and it's purely. Improvised character comedy that then I would edit down to really tight things and give it like high production value. So it seemed like you know they're like three to five minute sketches. Longer improv recordings of just people with kind of. Whatever, we call it like personality disorders but that was the basic idea. But then it just kept going throughout the years and we still do it and used to do live shows before the world went inside. Right then you do a reunion show last year tour we did do it. Yeah. That's right. We did a little mini tour on the on the Pacific northwest Yes right I remember is falling it on instagram. Yeah and you've been doing Improv a long time to right? Yes. Since high school. Oh my God I used to be on this thing called Comedy Sports, which which is like a varsity heard comedies. Yeah. It's not a sport. No be clear. And sometimes it's not comedy and you grew up in southern. California. So did you get school credit for doing that in high school? That's a good cushion. No, not technically, but it was part of theatre class kind of right. Yeah. I'm guessing you always wanted to be doing what you're doing in some form or another digit where your parents or maybe I'm wrong about that. But where your parents supportive of your show Biz, aspirations were I I wanted to be an animator more than anything until I kind of got to high school and started doing. Improv. But even then I went to college to study graphic design and then quickly switched to set design and. Performance and so I went through a lot of little ringers but yeah I. Still these days don't know what I WANNA do I don't know. If I'm doing this as a career or what this is, but I think I just going to keep this going until retirement age and then pack it in. Well, I mean you literally can fall into things like you know you're just talking about the evolving. phone-in podcast so which you weren't thinking of going into it and now no, I do love though I mean the fact that you did both Improv and podcasting before anybody else it's like there should be a statue erected view for white then everywhere. Yeah definitely replace Robert e Lee with a podcast or a white male podcast. Now's the time. A lot of people don't know Matt was tweeting in Grade School. You're ahead of it on every front is amazing I. Did I was really interested in like morning radio personalities when I was younger and then it only recently hit me that kind of what the podcast Conan is is like a radio DJ and his producer in like news. were. Yeah. It really is a morning zoo. It's afternoon zoo, right? Yeah. Yeah and I I feel like it's like a kind of like ancient Greek Casandra myth of be careful what you wish for yeah I know I always wonder if I know a few. Who? I swear when when they were kids, they knew they were going to be famous when they grew up and I wonder like, I, wonder if you as a kid had some premonition about what your future's going to be. I only had a premonition of what I wanted it to be but then that rush change like every six months even to this day. So it's kind of a mess of unfocused goals but also I think I'm more comfortable not committing to something I mean I got married at forty three so clearly. Issues. Yeah can ask if there were people who careers you looked up to or the you know as a kid, you were like Oh that. Guy's got it going on I, guess I, actually Letterman of all people. So I mean I all joking aside about Conan I was definitely going to tell him that. He didn't come on until I was in think college. So I already kind of like just been. Watching. Letterman, for so many years when I was younger. Yeah. There's something about who you are. into. When it comes to comedy when you're Kinda like thirteen, fourteen fifteen. With music like you're just in love with those people the rest of your life the I mean I still convinced that my music taste from the age thirteen was perfect I. Think so too. Yeah. Who Was it Fiona Apple I don't. Know I think I am actually a right yeah. That's pretty good. If that's your thirteen you're doing really well because my was something more like Def. LEPPARD. What was your first show his job? Oh, my first show Biz job I guess commercials why did a bunch of plays in college and then a little bit of regional theater? and. Then I started doing some commercial acting. And a tiny bit of TV. But then I didn't really do anything for the longest time and I was teaching college I was teaching acting and theatre history and stuff like that. But then. I started doing a little bit more acting and I. I ended up booking this job as the Volkswagen spokesperson for three years for the these commercials and I did like thirty some commercials for Volkswagen Oh. Wow. Yeah and it all it came through podcasting came because the director new superego and all then my acting work all started coming from Superego, and so I of Said, do I really need an agent I'm booking anything on my own merit you know I couldn't go into an audition and really nail it. But if I knew that they're bringing in for the podcast then I felt like Oh that least they're making the choice to have me here not I'm not being foisted on them right? I heard about a job. You had that fascinates me I. Mean You told me this that you worked at Disneyland Yeah for many years thirteen years. Oh. My God thirteen years. How many shows a week? Would you do there? At. Most it'd be like four days a week six shows a day. Were you like a Disney Prince? What were you to? No? No I wasn't I was in the kind of union, perform a section where we do improv comedy, and then this job I had that's come up on the Conan podcast before I was. So hard to explain, but there's a trash can that was fully motorized and I was hiding among people on the just walking along the park and all my bag and I could control this trash can and I had a secret microphone in my hand that would modulate my voice in the sound would come from the trash can and so I could just talk to people as the trash can which could fully amble its way through all the crowd and speak to people what am God this is a prank show. You did a pre show at Disneyland basically that sounds like something Disney wouldn't allow. A rogue guy with Mike and when they. Worry. About you hurting someone with your mobile wastebasket. Probably should have to because there was a point where I just didn't care anymore and was saying things that they would have never. Oh I'm sure. Oh Wow. Stick I mean what was your? was just would go over to the other trash cans and some Sheila I, want a divorce or like you know. I'm getting a screaming match with or harass people to throw away their euros and things. Highpoint people ever screaming that wastebasket. Kid a lot of kids would come up and ruthlessly kick and then I would drive up to the parents. Do something about your children got you need to manage your children it it was depressing feed them to me. That's Hilarious I had no idea I've never seen this trash can at Disneyland anymore. Think it started and ended. There was a lawsuit breakdown. To break down, and then I'd be like, okay, break time the first job I had their when California adventure opened this restaurant called the ABC soap opera Bistro, which was built on all the ABC soap opera. So every room of the restaurant was set from one of the soap operas and so once one. No one and they. Showed that in attendance and we would do this thing were once in our. Dressed, as like surgeons and scrubs or like millionaires in an Ascott and just do a little table side. Improv thing. The ten minutes of. Improv. With your friends, it was I'll never have an easier job and it was like a union job to with full benefits and alcohol. It was incredible and it couldn't last because the we'd come in one six some days to work at ten am and they'd say we're not going to open till five PM. So just go ride some rides. Oh. Wow. Did we do an hour of work and then go home? It was a dream job would the people eating there? No that this little show is happening we'd be right on than we would use them like this is my wife Monrovia. How could you leave me? Up, and it was not quality program. She's been in a coma. Yeah exactly. It was a lot of that. I was worried people be like we're trying to eat. There was some of that. There's some of that. Yeah. Yeah everyone goes there for the food. Was it one of those things where you ended up like have you do you go back to Disneyland ever now or do you just hate it there because you work there for so long I don't hate it because of nostalgia for but I was also Never Disney freak because I grew up going and so it never felt super special when I was young but then when I was older. So now if I go back, it's kind of static and my wife worked there as well. So we have that in common she was a face character she was a princess like a I. Guess she was a Cinderella and she dated a wastebasket she married a trust. A. Disney. Studios. Swear. Ultimate southern. California couple. Universal Yep and then after that, you gotTa Start Working to Disney we worked there for years and never knew each other and then both Oh this job at universal doing Improv and that's how we met at my God. So this is a real circuit I. Don't think I knew realized that there were that many my wife and I are working on a podcast about like behind the scenes at Disney and all the crazy shit that goes on and so we've been researching all this stuff. That's a great idea enjoy the lawsuits. I know we're we're we're really having to navigate. Matt have you has there been a guest on Conan O'Brien needs a friend that you've like really fanned out over you get great guests. Yes. Well David Sedaris was a big one. Oh, yeah. I that was really a treat seems like he'd be a little ary yeah I think I thought that going in and he was so friendly and nice and so game yeah he was a wonderful loved him and there's also like the the big ones that like Michelle Obama and Even. Tom. Hanks was on zoom but still You're kind of checking yourself in those moments, but then I remember Timothy often and Jeff Goldblum being so incredibly funny and Charles Barkley to I think the common thread I'm finding the guests that really rib CONAN. Yes. Are the ones that I'm really enjoying My Liberator. Yeah I know I take oh we I think even said that Julia Louis Dreyfuss will you take us away? With you. Please you're. Notes, all these people are saying. Charles Barkley is really man as he funny guy he was great. Yeah. I mean all those people have mentioned are layers. You know who I had on the television show the other day who's really they have a great back and forth and really gives it to him as Jim Gaffe again Oh God. He was on the podcast to yeah and he was sort of edgier than I'd ever seen him in his comedy on the yeah. He's kind of an edgy guy. Yeah. Is there anyone that you would love to have on the show that hasn't been on wishlist? God. Okay. Hold on why. Would have this ready to go you. Know. Letterman was a huge one too because. Obviously yeah. Do you ever want to linger after be like? You know. Of course I do but I can't I just incapable. Yeah. I can't bother someone like that I feel right. You. Know. Judy dench I would like Judy. By cal, that'd be so fun I have nothing to do the guests and that's the thing I get a lot of people on social media going get this person on get this always norm MacDonald. Find out who guests are when everybody else doing the podcast does nothing to do right? Right Oh. You speak into social media I they put up an excerpt from the podcast on the team Coco website and 'cause it was over zoom everyone. Got To see you I was reading the comments people are obsessed with the way you look. I, know. People don't know that I'm as old as I am. Well, you don't know you don't look old at all you. Think they think I'm in my twenties. Would I noticed was Evans like Oh my God he I didn't I didn't think he'd be so good looking like I haven't seen any of that do. Why would I say this? They're like, Oh, I thought he'd be fad and with a beard. Talk Cardigan sweater, which is weird to me I. Don't I don't get that from your voice is he paints such a picture of me as this? Penny farthing writing right where okay. Cap Pipe Smoking. Basically Yeah Oh that's right I forgot. Yeah. Can I ask you about something you also had the distinction of being on correct me if I'm wrong the first episode ever of history yeah that's right. That's that's kind of cool. Where you a drunkard I was. Yeah. I was a drunk drawer. Concern you that they like they're starting to show and they like we need someone. WHO GETS DRUNK A lot. Frankly, I was honored. I was true. I went you're already doing it. So you might as well Geno word seriously. Did it about Watergate? Yeah. I did Watergate and then I did the Alamo that season as well I did the story of Verner von Braun but I did the Watergate and the Alamo in the same night. Oh My oh yeah and I had already thrown up like halfway through the. Story you really you really threw up I did and it's really I mean it's very funny when I saw the Alamo one, I literally did not remember the Alamo did not. Why couldn't remember a thing I said and I've never been blackout drunk to my knowledge before well, he wouldn't remember it if you had no. It's good. The one time your blackout drunk it's on television. That's the way to do it Matt we we always like to close the show by asking people for advice for somebody who might want and I know that you're still figuring out what you WANNA do. But if there was somebody out there, who maybe wants to have a career like yours, some advice for that person Oh like rain well, do it for the love of the game because i God knows I never intended for this to be a job or a career. It was just something that was really fun. Because no one thought and my friends and I never thought anyone was listening we were uncensored and the more you can just kind of do your own thing and. Have Your own voice and do it for the sake of doing it. Probably the better it's going to be because you're going to be having fun doing it I I think I've said it before but anything worth doing should be worthless and just have fun I guess was that does that work? Yes. Okay. Absolutely. I think a lot of people get caught up in like how do I monetize? That should always come last two. Yeah. But the goal is to make no money and then you know that you're really doing something. Yeah. Maybe even lose some money if you if you really have. The money this careers for you. Then, it's a true passion. That's right. That is good. Advice and macrolide. This was so delightful. Well Mike and Jesse I'M A fan. So I when they asked me to do this John, asked me to do this. I was thrilled and I love the podcast. So thank you very much how well we're big fans of yours was so nice to get you alone and. On your third podcast of the day. But this was like free therapy. Let's do this again next week. Same time. Get enough therapy is there is sir it are there any questions or advice you want at all? Just save me hold me. Okay. Just know that you're not alone that helps helps basically our whole podcast network of people who have been traumatized by Conan. Resources Center call. Line. And you're welcome on any time. You know if the new situation arises yeah. Just call the hotline. You just say the word. Recession all right. Good. All right. Thanks guys. Thanks thanks. And that was Matt Gourley. We need to tell you in case you didn't know this. The new episodes of Conan O'Brien needs a friend are available every Monday wherever you get your podcast. That's actually incredibly accurate information. And you know what? How miraculously we still have time to answer a fan question. Today's question comes from Carl m having listened to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend since the beginning okay. Brownnoser as well as inside Conan. It seems that there are many guests that Conan. Really enjoys having. Can you name any that seemed to be particularly favorites his and your favorites? I mean CONAN loves funny people part of it is selfish. Well, a he gets to laugh a ton but plus I know he's often said he loves when COMEDIANS COME WHO Kinda take being on a talk show seriously and actually prepare to come on and be really funny and because it makes his job easier and plus he has a great time. Yeah. I think people don't realize that the kind of the. Ideal guest is someone who has brought stories or has material stand up material that they want to do, and it's not just actual improvising. There have been guests who come on where they think that's how you do what you just said where you well, you just go on and you talk and then you just talk about what you had for dinner the night before, right it often becomes a real workout for Conan. I love win cone and has on like a couple of names that come to mind Nicole buyer. Yes Nikki Glaser. are both really funny on their own, but then their chemistry with Conan is so funny because they're both a little bit blue. Yeah. They're blue. They're not afraid to shock him with sex talk and they give it to him right between the eyes. Yeah and he gets very uncomfortable and it's really fun to watch. Yes. So they they've a great dynamic and he also loves occasionally when he has people he's venerated for so long come on that's I. think that's really exciting for like you know when Carl Reiner I came on and then kept coming on and Mel Brooks or whenever Steve Martin's on. Those Martin Short yes. I mean, they're actually friends right their friends Martin short just rags on him the whole time. So it's really funny income and loves it. Well, who are some of our favorites that we've had on inside Conan Mad? Gourlay right we should mention chestnut early just. The beginning and end all. J.. Paul he was so funny because he had just come from doing the show and I swear I don't know if he knew he had left Conan's studio and walked into our podcast search. Continuous and he just went I just like to imagine that he's always like that and whether or not. There's a recording device around I think. So yeah, we just got in his RV and hung on for dear life. Yeah. Well, actually there's one that I think we both loved we love having Roberts Michael on because he's hilarious and he has so many his at a good memory of the early years. We liked him so much. We actually have him coming back that'll be in the next few weeks, and if any of you other listeners have questions besides Carl, you can email us at inside Conan pod at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail. We played a good one already call us at three, two, three, two, zero, nine, five, three, zero, three. Okay. So we'll see you next week or well you'll hear us next week. Bye. Okay. Bye, we like you. Inside Konin unimportant. Hollywood podcast hosted by Mike Sweeney and me Jesse gaskell produced by Chen samples engineered and mixed by will becton supervising producers are Kevin bartelt and Aaron Blair executive produced by Adam Saks and jeff Ross at team Coco and Colin Anderson and Bannon at your wolf thanks to Jimmy No for our theme music and interstitial. You can rate and review the show on Apple podcasts and of course, please subscribe Tele Friend listened to inside CONAN on apple podcasts, spotify stitcher Google podcasts or whatever platform you like best. This has. A. TO COCOA The Duchy in association.

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Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums 5

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

34:42 min | 9 months ago

Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums 5

"This episode is brought to you by state farm. State farm believes they're that good neighbor. You know the good neighbor. That's always saying hey. Nice Lawn. Can I help you with that? Those shrubs look a little high trim for you. Yeah, that's who they are. They're the good neighbor, but instead of admiring your grass state farm gives you a surprisingly great rate and good service, so there are there for you, but in a different way than that good neighbor I was talking about earlier. Now. That's the real deal. They don't hold the ladder for your sure. When you're putting up your decorations or they don't hand you a cool beverage on a hot day, but they're there for you. At three am when you need to file a claim. So like a good neighbor, state farm is there. Well Peacock is the new streaming service from NBC Universal. That's great entertainment for free. It's got hundreds of hit movies. Thousand episodes of your favorite current shows, timeless classics, timely updates and guess what again it's free. That's all I need to hear so whatever you like on the old peacock, thirty rock parks and REC psych chairs. kanye Queens Frazier Superstore saved by the Bell I still watch those. Don't tell anyone. Best of streaming best of TV. You can watch for free and upgrade for more on your TV tablet or phone Goto Peacock TV dot, com download and start streaming right now. Walking Up Some. Okay. CONAN O'Brien here and this is a very special. Sort of addition or offshoot of conor O'Brien needs a friend. It's the summer edition. Little something little treats. We call summer s'mores with Conan and the Chil chumps. This is meant to be just an extra bonus kind of help. You get through the summer It's very hot out there. And of course we also have the added. Your tation should call it irritation, but the irritation of quarantine now as accused last week and I I don't know this. This is up to the listener to decide. But I was accused by my compatriots, the chill chums of not being very chill, and being sort of ratcheted up and coming in hot, and that may be the case I. Don't know I'm humble enough to accept that. I am despite incredible powers, a human and flawed, and so it's possible that I was not show last week, and if that's the case I'm sorry unable to try to be more chill. During this episode, I'll do the best. I can so with that in mind. Let's. Let's begin now. It's nice to have you on the show. It's very nice to be here. Yeah okay. Okay I don't WanNa. We were just talking about murder in the summer, and so I realized. That's not a very chill topic, so I have nothing to say right now before we came on the air. On the air before we pressed record, whatever is the correct term Matt? What's the correct term I think press record, but it's a general term, I think people forgive you for that. Okay. I don't understand the PODCAST format. Actually still don't understand television after doing it for twenty seven years so. You'll forgive me. If I, if I'm clumsy and my wording, but before we started, we're just chatting and of course I would say the one thing. The three of US really have in common is maybe a lot of people have this, but we all are very obsessed with murder. I love and I. Don't love murder. I mean that's a terrible thing to say. Yes in a perfect world I would be able to murder late. But I understand that their social conventions and laws and I don't want to go to prison, so I will not murder what despite my thick thing to say? okes bite my insatiable desire for murder. And the constant to voice in my head. That says murder murder. You know it's what you want, you know. It's what you're good. Eh sometimes, that's not just in your head by the way you say that. By the way. I'm saying this. I think in a very chill way. You did come in Gary Chill this episode. And you know what my tone is still very chill. As I. Tell You that my greatest. My greatest desire in life is to to wantonly. Her Rob other people of their lives and get away with it. There you go, that's. And I'm just saying that as a champ before you even said that if you did murder and someone came up to me and said Hey, did you ever think he'd be the kind of Guy who'd murder? I be like? Yes, absolutely. He talks about murder all the time. I'm obsessed with murder. And what's what is interesting is that SONA hired sonal? We all do things related regret but I. I'm Sarah. I'm kidding I'm kidding unnecessary. Tear necessary tariff I love you, but I did hire you and one of the things we did early on because I had just moved out to Los Angeles. This is like eleven years ago. We just moved out to Los. Angeles sewn and I were. Somewhere in the car together because we had to do something, and you said Oh wait. This is near the the you know the scene of the first Manson murders. The on Cielo drive we were on Benedict Canyon. Which? Then, the two of US really like Oh. We've got to go up there and see which I know sounds ghastly and. And everything, but we both knew every single detail of Manson and the whole history of Manson and that's when we realized okay. This is something we in common. We have many things that we're art in common where we're not alike I could go on at length about those. You know move on okay. Yeah! I cherish. America Oh wow. Okay, whatever but the. Nice story about looking at the house where you what a nice story! What did I say about of US retracing the steps, but we knew all the people in the car we knew then you know about what they did. The next night we knew we knew everything and then realized that whenever I am traveling going anywhere. The first thing I try and look for is a forensic files because they show one after another after another after another and I just watched. Watched those and I'm fascinated with that stuff in matt. You have some interest in murder. Yeah! I suppose I grew up in the place where the night stalker did his night stocking in whittier, and so it was really kind of big in the community, obviously at the time right that was a big story that was the thing, and my wife was in a play with a guy who did a double murder and dismember the bodies and spread throughout a park. My God. Not Chill Oh. My God I'm sorry. You're the guy that really reprimand me last for not being chill. Well, it's it's the way you deliver it I, said this guy just did a double murder and that's that's okay. I'm just coming. You know coming in cool. Who did he murder? Why I'm funny? My interest was what was the play. It was arsenic and old lace. Of course it was. About murder. Play about murder. He murder while they were making the play together. He did it much later on. He did it later on his name is Dan Wozniak is on death row. And he was this really kind of creepy director, actor, and community, theater and. Yeah and he. I needed it. He was getting married and he wanted money for honeymoon, and so he went and took a guy in his apartment complex to an old theater and shot him, and then tried to frame his kind of girlfriend for the murder, and then killed her, and tried to make it look like a double one question. How does this lead to him getting money? That makes no sense like I got a good money making scheme. Can honestly say there's every time you read about a murder or your about a murder or watch a documentary about a murder ninety percent of the time the person's psych. I'M GONNA. Go and by killing these four people allegations, six hundred dollars, and my chances of being caught only ninety percents. I'M GONNA leave all my DNA at the. Return on investment is not good. What I do. Is I slice them to death with my driver's license and then leave that behind. I choked to death with my tax return and then leave that in the body. Just, saying the stupidest. sprinkle some idea on the scene I'm that TNA killer? That's my token. Yeah, what I do is I. Have These Return Address stickers that I've had made from my envelopes, and what I do is I cover their whole body with my name and return address. So that they their pores can't get any oxygen and slowly suffocate. Then I go back home the apartment that's listed on their return address. And I think about how they'll never catch me. God I take the key from my Tesla. which is linked to my iphone? And I make them eat. It took. Dan I leave, and because I've left my key of my. Tesla there I walk. But I I paint my shoes with fluorescent paint. Because that's just my fun criminal twists. Then I go home and I say good luck catching me. There's very little except fluorescent paint on my shoes and my tesla key and my tesla outside the apartment. Me To the crime. It'd be fun to come up with a list of like the worst worst murder. Well you brought about forensic files. All of those people are usually Kinda dumb. I think. I'm going to say something controversial. Most murderers are not smart. Serial killers on the other hand. That's something to strive for. Yeah I think I think it's safe to say that. Probably the vast majority of murderers aren't smart there many better ways to many better hobbies. Let's just put it that way. Any better hobbies, but yeah I've been obsessed with murder. My whole life I was on that show podcast my favorite murder. With Karen and Georgia and they have an amazing podcast if you. A sure you've checked it out because it's extremely popular, but they had me on on their podcast. And they know everything about murder and I think halfway through the podcast. They were put off by how I knew way, too. Put off meaning. They were just like Oh. That's creepy. I mean I managed. I think to creep them out because the. Did randomly bring up like Bob Crane from Hogan's Heroes Murray again. Yeah, no, that motel in Scottsdale. Yeah. He was bludgeoned to death. I. Know All about that one to. By his creepy friend, well, allegedly, it was never proven. Take an aside in that I'm not quite sure it was him, but I don't think we're allowed to say. It was him because. He Yeah podcast of record. Yeah, well, yes. I do want to make sure that we. That, we shoe to the legal shoreline as closely as possible. This is the podcast where you said you wanted to murder someone just to be clear. You did well I think it's not illegal to desperately want to murder. And to have that be your lifelong dream. Can in fact the only thing you think about day and night? A. and. The one thing that you think would bring you closest to the face of God. I don't think it's wrong to say that. That's what I want. I'm not going to do it. But Oh my God yes. I could murder. WanNa. Talk about something. Is Near and dear to my heart. Okay Hbo Max, Hbo maxis The new streaming platform were all of H. B. O. Meets the greatest collection of movies and shows okay. All Hbo Series You get your Westworld insecure. The Sopranos blockbuster movies crazy occasions star is born just to name just just one one percent of one percent that got so much stuff They've got timeless classics wizard of Oz Casablanca, the most beloved TV shows, Friends Big Bang, theory, fresh principal, Air Awesome Animation Rick and Morty Samurai, Jack Bu Doc superheroes and Super Villains, and you may think I'm reading from a list on my laptop. Not these are ones that are coming to mind Justice League, wonder, woman, suicide, squad, family, favorite sesame street, looney tunes Scooby Doo. They're just pouring out of my head. And I gotTA. Tell you something else about Hbo Max I drove by giant Hbo Max Billboard the Other Day, and it had everyone from the Hbo Max Universe and way in the back. I saw CONAN. O'Brien and I got really excited, and I swerved my car over to the side of the road hit. A bunch of other cars jumped out and shouted on the HBO poster later at Headquarters Police Headquarters when SONA bailed me out I. apologized to everybody, but I was very excited. I think part of the. World You, are you? Are you're part of Ed knits really? Good statements. Anyway you know everyone's got different streaming habits and looking for those good shows and Hbo Max I think they've got good stuff. I'm excited about this. When this launches I'm not leaving my house ever even when? Lockdown lifts. I will be here binging everything on Hbo Max. Here's question I have sonal you. You're the last person the world who needs another streaming service, but you're particularly excited about Hbo Max I. Am Yeah I'm very excited about it? Are you excited that? In the some of the ADS for HBO Mac. Sometimes, there's a quick shot of Conan O'Brien. Is that excite you I'm really excited that it's fourteen ninety nine a month, but without me. How does that have any new with me? I'm really excited that it just takes from the well of all this content start streaming today. Here's how it works down I love when people turned to me to wonder how something works, download the APP or visit. Hbo Max Dot Com to start your free trial. The free trials for new customers only so don't get too crazy restrictions apply. Hard to get an education right now. Wouldn't you say so? SONA with covert out there? Social distancing a lot of schools have shut down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but if people very did I answer too late, I'm sorry. Yes, good, don't up. Don't apologize. Don't judge is okay, but just there are a lot of young people out there that WANNA. Keep working to reach their goals. And that's why I'm GONNA. Bring up. G You all right. It's an online university for people who ambition never rests They're not gonNA. Sit around, put their feet up. During these times of social distancing an just chill, they want to keep working wg use. 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Today is so much more than it was yesterday. These are challenging times right now. We're experiencing challenging times. He top priority at rocket mortgage is the health and safety of the communities they serve so things are changing quickly every day. One thing that will never change is rocket mortgage teams commitment to giving you the best mortgage experience possible. That's why if you need mortgage support, which a lot of people do right now. Their team of experts is there to help answer questions and offer solutions. They understand what's going on right now. The hardships. Situation? This is so whether that means working with you to save money on your mortgage or finding a new way to navigate payments. If you have questions that team at rocket, mortgage has answers. We all know how important our homes are to us. And, equally important to them, so if you need mortgage assistance, the home loans experts at rocket, mortgage or available to help twenty four hours a day seven days a week from their home. Two years team at rocket mortgage is with you. Visit rocket mortgage dot com slash CONAN to learn more call for cost, information and conditions equal housing lender licensed in all fifty states and m. l s consumer access. Dot Org number three, zero, three zero. Obviously I worry a lot about security. An international figure figure known throughout the world also. Not Beloved. Enemies I have enemies all over the place on this podcast. Yeah, on this podcast and my office mostly. Sunny, you probably know of many people that have said. Hey, we're exactly live so I can dispatch Ninjas to go beat him with pipes right and I. Give Them Your Address I know. Ninjas beating. It's such a waste of a Ninja engine of beaten with a bike. 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Owned and operated US based monitoring centres and eighty takes protecting your health seriously so rest assured that all adt employees are taking critical measures to help protect everyone's health right now, including offering contactless installation and using extra protection and sanitation tools during this crisis to protect now pay later with low flexible monthly payments to fit your budget. Learn more ADT DOT com slash podcast. A. Coney. What's your perfect murder? I mean just pie in the sky. What are you GONNA do? Well I'm glad you asked. Can I guess what your favorite murder would be? You're definitely someone who would want to strangle because you would want to look at their is as the life escapes their body very good very good. I've seen you look at me that way. Yeah, actually! Yeah, when you seen it Matt, strangling you. That's right. The first meeting then matinee. The danger this he talked about five minutes I left across the table and I started choking the life out of him and I started to see the light. Go Out of your eyes when Adam Jeff and a few other people physically restrained me. Do! You know how I WANNA. Kill you. How's that? Did you ever see you only live twice? And they put a little spool of thread from the rafters down while you're sleeping, and then you drop poison to down onto your lips and watch the life slowly drain. No, that's no good. That sucks. I'll tell you why. How dare you. Criticize my form of murder. Yes, you're up in the rafters. I'm imagining it's hot because you've been hiding up there for a long time. You haven't you've had a hide up there for a long time because you had to watch. It takes me forever to get to sleep. Yes, you'd have to watch me. Do all kinds of sick things just follow slaves, Oh, and then finally I fall asleep and you'd be like. Like now my perfect made air and you don spoil your little thread. Then you'd trickle down and I'm a pretty sound sleeper, so you wouldn't notice the point of death would just I sleep like a dead person, and so you quayle, yes, I just watched him. Go from sleep to what looks like more asleep. How satisfying I guess I'll creep out of here through this air duct. What are you talking about? Just to have you dead is enough for me. I don't really care well. Speaking of poison, I have thought if I was ever to kill Conan, I would just slowly poison him over a period of time by with his lunches that we go much. Proxy Yeah. I get the lunch from the interns. Drizzle a little I. Don't know what poison or you have to do. Is Whatever lunch they bring me? Is going to kill me eventually. Let's just say some of the food we get. There at. The Lot whatever yeah, but I mean like actually kill you slowly and I would sit there eight lunch with you and watches you just kind of get sick over a course of time, and then you know eventually you know how our time. What if what if you're doing it so slowly and so carefully that finally kicks in when I'm like ninety four. I'M GONNA. Change With the James Bond thing I'm gonNA. Put you naked in a bottomless beat. Your balls carpet beater. Oh my Guy Man Jesus, Christ! I think now. We're getting closer to match true fantasy. because. He's finally got my clothes off. Oh my God and he's handling my testicles. At least least you're being honest. Now. Right is meeting his bowles. Does that kill Casino Royale Casino? Royale and I don't think that was going to kill him. Now is just going to, but in my case. It would kill me. That would kill me. If my testicles were were smashed. I WANNA get in. I don't want to get into it any more than that, but let's just say you know. I have to say I came in hot today and apologize. You you lectured me. I've been I'm admitting friend. I don't want people to think of me differently now that they know. That my only true real purpose in life is to murder and murder again randomly. Without conscience. I want people to still see me as the CONAN. They grew up watching or have been watching for the last almost thirty years. Just that friendly guy who secretly wants to roam the countryside. Stealing life with little remorse. Mainly in the Pacific northwest. That's where stuff seems to go down the mostly. It's always the Pacific northwest. I think I think it's because it's raining a lot. Yeah, and you're. Too. Bad for murder really news because a lot of Glamour Manson and Golden State Killer night. Stalker was the WHO's the. Star Sign Guy Zohdi Zodiac. Is that also though the wonderland murders, one possible reason for that I'm going to be serious for second might be that. California's a very large state and there was. A period of time there were it was. Less populated and had a lot of highways and interstate and a lot of people who weren't native to California. So you could come here and be kind of anonymous. Do something and they just jump on the highway and be somewhere else. So. That's why I moved to California is. I. Thought like yeah, this is good. I could get. I could move quickly. I could get from goalies house. Right onto the one thirty, four, the one twenty eight to twenty six. To. Chase Canyon. And then I could make my way down the coastline and. Be Near Kossuth focus very quickly. Hey. I just learned, we have A. Natural Lake about a block from our house, and that people were murdered their turn of the century, and they used to call a lake, a spooning lake, which was like a euphemism for where people would go and screw around Oh like like like do it like do it at school. Minutes spooning. It did in this article I read that that was the term that they would use how necking for making out kind of spooning, meant spooning, but with no clothes sparking I loved it back in the day. Making love meant just flirting with someone. Yeah I mean yeah, so they'd say like. I made love to your wife. Meant really you were at a party? And you were sort of flirting with her a little bit and I just spent hours making love to you and you still have no interest in me. It's this weird time when making love. Of course now no one even says that anymore. To be on the porch last night. And this is how you treat me and yes, an exactly exactly which? You made love to be on that swing and I used to think wow, that guy's an athlete. But, no, it didn't mean that at all. You know that guy's double hinged. You know what I'm saying. Is Not that. Noise. You're making I don't like it. Sorry. That was me enjoying life for second both told me I. Don't like. Stop it! Stop What about pitching woo? That's a weird for his. To what do you? What sort of that's an old one to out pitch? Woo to you. You know he was pitching. Woo! That's back in the days when you were a court. Let's say your husband tack back. When he was wooing you, he would come to your apartment and what he'd do, is He'd have would call on your apart. Hit calling your apartment, and if I what he would do was tap would come to your apartment and it'd be a landlady and he would leave his card. That would be the first thing is back then you left your card now. People just send a Dick Pic, but back then you left your card and the landlady would say. Say. This person left a card for you. And then you don't even respond to the card. He then has to come back later on after he left his card once maybe like three years later, and then he has to, and he's wearing a high starched collar, and he waits for you in the parlor. And then you go, and you sit with him for a little bit, and you exchange a little bit of information about each other, but there's no touching, and then he leaves and then. He comes back like a year later at that's what it used to be like. That's what it was like, and that's what it was like for me growing up. Did you ever Pichu. Pichu I was the best woo pitcher you ever saw. Suddenly. Pitched me, some Wu highways knee deep in pitching. Tonight I'm sorry. Ring. Come on, man doesn't really work. Oh, man I pitched me some woo back in the day. And Woo yeah. I was knee deep in Woo, now, modern Daewoo. Note to somebody in school and was like. Do you like me? Check? Yes, or no and. I had to do that once for a friend of mine, and she liked the hottest guy in school, and she wanted me to give him a note, and it said. Do you want to go out with me? Yes, or no, and then he made a new box and wrote Hell No. CHEF. undermine. It wouldn't terrorists. And I had to give it back to her, and it was horrible. That's terrible I know. Give it back to her. Because? He responded and I didn't want to. I don't know I just felt. I was just doing my duty. I don't know if I had seen the hell. No, I don't think I would have returned it to just would've said. I lost it, but and he is really interested. Has He has syphilis. What grade is this? This was an elementary school, so he's got syphilis Annella. Traveled in in Europe in the eighteen eighty s, he got syphilis. I don't know I. Don't think I would have given that back. I think he did the wrong thing and I think you hurt your friend. I've met a lot of your friends. Do I know that friend? No. I don't keep in touch with anymore. Yes, you never spoke to anybody know. She's got to stopped talking. They'll never saw her again. She she read the hell. No, and she said well. That's it for me and walked away and no one senior sense nice job. What about the guy what about the guy who wrote hell? No, whatever happened to him, that was tack. Married. Married why these guys own a response? That's right. He checked. Yes. You got some white out and wait it out and then wrote hell. Knowing you did that. You gave it to her. And then you started your sweaty year plan to get together and get it on with TAC TAC. Yeah. It's not his last name. It seems like it. No, you can't. You can't keep adding Ian at the end of names and being like it's an Armenian named now. That's not how it works, but yeah no I. That was awful. I still remember it yeah. Yeah I would ask you if you gave notes. Two girls but I feel like I. Know The answer. I passed a note to my wife three weeks ago. I've been married eighteen years and it said. Do you like me? Check. Yes, no, and she just didn't give it back. She's still she's still thinking about it. Things have gotten a little frosty doing quarantine. No I kid I kid. We're very passionate. Couple Coenen. I'm just saying we're both very warm blooded well, it's time to wrap this up. Sorry can't handle the passion between my wife and I and marriage now can't. Stop please stop crazy. I'm sorry I, said you guys didn't give notes girls, but I just feel like you. Both really shy anyone listening knows I'm a very sensual animal. Okay, if they're still listening. Yeah, if you're still listening, can you please call anybody who might also have been listening and stopped and tell them Conan's very sensual animal God like a. Computer screen is sweating right now. Just yeah, everyone's uncomfortable. Just sort of like a jungle cat on the brow. God. none of this will make air. It shouldn't, but it will make. Matt yet. You're banned from the PODCAST. I understand just for a while just for about six years. Okay, you'll still get paid a tenth of your salary. Oh that actually be a fair trade. Works for you. Yeah, okay well. That was a I think I was more chill you were you were and I think we can do better next time because that's our last. Chilton's episodes, so we gotta get you all the way there. Yeah, you're super chill talking about how you WanNa murder and stuff. That was really cool and Chilin stop subject. Not Chill. Delivery was chill. Because we were talking about something, I'm very passionate about. I got into a very chill zone. So yeah, let's wrap up this one and I I'm going to try to be even more chill and that's going to be. You should tune in because that will be the most chill I've ever been I may even take something before we before we do it great. I'm talking about like an herbal tea. Nothing. Okay. That's it for now. Bye Bye. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend with Sonum, obsession and Conan O'Brien. Himself produced by me Matt Corley executive produced by Adam Saks Jeff Ross team. Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at your wolf theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vietnam. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. The shows engineered by will becton. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode got a question for Conan called the team Coco hotline at three, two, three, four, five, one, two, eight Q on and leave a message it to could be featured on a future episode, and if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend on apple, podcasts, stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been eighteen cocoa production in association with. This has been eighteen cocoa production in association with.

murder CONAN O'Brien US Matt Corley Hbo SONA WanNa State farm Glamour Manson California Woo Queens Frazier Superstore conor O'Brien NBC Peacock Los Angeles Pacific northwest HBO