1 Episode results for "Claire Huffing"

It Can Only Go Up From Flavor-Town

Absolutely Not

00:00 sec | 11 months ago

It Can Only Go Up From Flavor-Town

"The phone rang. PODCAST is a deer media production. Welcome to the absolutely not podcast where we do the most in the least at the same damn time. I'm your host. Heather McMahon all right boys and Girls Ladies and Gentlemen Woman Dons and can't gerbils ferrets. It's another episode of the absolutely not five gassed. I'm your host Heather McMahon I'm coming to joyfully from Atlanta Georgia. Back in my mom's house for the week I just got back from Mexico touchdown just a hot second La bump and a skip ago. A bump trump said that it's because I just came back from Mexico did not do McCain. There was offered it many times. We'll get into that just a moment. I got plenty of south of the border. Absolutely what's and we're GONNA get into some of the you know the goals for twenty twenty or we're trying to accomplish what we're trying to not get you know in trouble with either. Now we're doing the most not the least this year but I want to ease into the year. You know what I mean I gotta catch my breath. We all got to take a second. This is the thing I always start my workout regimen Jim in February. I don't even fuck January. This whole dry January to me to be honest with you is an absolutely not personally for me. You want to know why because towards the end I decided I am not going to abuse alcohol. You know what I mean. I think I was working so much towards the end. I didn't really drink. That much. Went on a lovely vacation to Mexico but really kinda chilled. I wasn't hitting the nightclubs disco tax if you will. I was really having a couple Margaritas and truly trying to be in bed by eight. PM Every night. Sometimes I was in bed by two. Do it all depended we will get into the entire Mexico trip but for those of you who are really just go and dry bone dry cold Turkey. Hot Turkey early like cold Turkey. Well no I like cold Turkey. I'll tell you one thing I can't do. I cannot reheat meet the next day if you take chicken or Turkey any any kind of foul really and try and reheat it. It'll tastes like plastic. That was sitting in a public pool for too long. Do know what I'm saying like if you were to lick the underbelly of a child floaty that had been sitting out in the sun and a Ymca public pool. That is what chicken chicken or any sort of poultry tastes like so. I hope you're not going. I guess go cold Turkey. Don't go hot Turkey on me because that's disgusting. I mean listen if you if you have a drinking problem problem like families abandoned you you know. They've threatened to take away. Sixteen of your your cats that you're hoarding. Because you're drinking so bad then great. Yeah absolutely early dry January. Then that means you actually have a physical lick horrific problem. You're losing friends. If your job hasn't called you back then for sure you you need to be participating in January but for everybody else's but this crazy pressure on themselves to you know not going to drink to me. It just makes me crazier but what I've realize as an amateur adult is when I go out now I just enjoy myself and don't blackout crazy concept but if you can go and and just enjoy your life have a glass of wine or two and really go to be around people in good company instead of feeling like you have to have sixteen yeager bombs before you go out. You'll be fine now. I understand that most doing dry January. Because they're like okay but I don't drink eat healthy. I'M GONNA. I'M NOT GONNA have anything to Termi from stepping into my my health and wellness goals. But I gotta be honest with you. I think we get a look. Cray cray right out the gate for me. I don't really start my week until really my new year. Until about the eighth or ninth and I don't know if it's because I'm a middle of the second week of Gallon General. I always get stressed out on the first bills. Or what do your credit cards do. I just kind of ignore that. Even when I didn't have money like I've always just pushed bills to lease the tenth stretch. It see how far I can stretch it before they collect at your front door before they find out where you live so for me I really plan on doing zero regimen really starting kick-starting any sort sort of New Year program until about you know. Actually I might stretch to the fifteenth. And that's where I'm at speaking of the Fifteenth La. I'm coming to do to secret shows or not secret anymore. We're doing to industry. Pop Up shows the fifteenth in the sixteenth at the Improv in L. A.. Of course it sold out like point three seconds. I am so appreciative Previti came. I said this on the last podcast. I'll say it again. If you're going to shows I need you to just be decked out ready to go down to clown. Having a good time there are going to be people there in the audience a and this is not like. I'm like planting people but there will be people in the audience. You could possibly make or break my career so if you see somebody in a suit said this I believe last time on the podcasts gas. Or somebody who looks like they got drug to the show. I want you to just go up to them by the bar and say. Hey you need to give heather McManus show. Oh she's ready to be a mega fucking star. Twenty twenty and and I'm going to manifest for you. Come find me after the show. Tell me what you need to do if you need me to. Go to your law professor professor and say Listen Ronnie. Were done either. You give my girl Claire and A or I'll burn down your house by all means I'm ready to do it. I'm I'm here for you. You're here for me. I'm so excited to the shows and y'all for everybody else in L. A.. We're playing a huge theater in La. It's coming this spring. We have not announced yet. Hang hang tight. WE'RE COMING TO CHICAGO. We're going to Boston Minneapolis. I mean all over. We're literally doing forty more tour dates and all new cities is year. I don't know why those just came to the top of my mind in all of Texas. We're in more parts in the south. I mean we're doing literally everywhere so hang tight. Stay tuned everything on instagram. And on this podcast. I will be announcing tour dates rates as they come. I'm excited to get back on the road but I'm also excited just to have some time in La to do the damn thing. Doggy you know what I mean. I am so frigging excited to work. And I think we've been on the road and as a comic. That's just like that is what literally like sets my titties on fire. You want to give me an automatic like hot hot flashed on my pussy. Allow me to perform. And that's what makes me happy but it's interesting the way that we decided to these two little shows it's truly because you don't know pilot season is pilot season season is basically I mean it's so fucking stupid but it's where they started to cast for all the new shows not only am I trying to sell my own show a network that I wrote and have obviously he created like this is my little angel baby nugget. I really WANNA come off from the momentum in this team that I had a two thousand nine hundred and I want to sell this show because I want you to be able to watch me every day on television Asian nine on instagram. Because instagram doesn't pay me they don't so anyways I've kind of the idea behind these shows they'll be ninety nine percent of people who are so excited to be there and then like the one percent of interns who have to just go and take notes because their boss told them to but in the meantime we're gonNA trick everybody into thinking that I should have my own. TV show. So I'm so excited. Did your onboard. I'm so excited you're coming and if you didn't make it to the show don't worry this literally the tiniest theater of played it's like two hundred seats at tiny. We're going to do a huge theater tour coming this spring. And we're probably probably GONNA announce at the end of January so get very excited. Buckle up baby it's GONNA be awesome get a merry Christmas happy new year. Happy Hannukah Kwanza. We're in it. It's a new decade a New Year. New Me actually. It's a new year. Same Old Bullshit. I'm here to Giggle. We're here to talk about absolutely nuts. It we're to manifest our truth speak it into existence. Vengeance is mine says the Lord embarrassed for Satan. Oh I'm sorry Lucifer. Did you think you were going to show up in twenty twenty the new decade and steal my joy from the Lord. Oh absolutely frigging not you know who shines bright like a diamond Riana and my Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ you you know who else shine spray liquid each and every one of you listening you want to know why because from my lips to God's ears I want everybody to be blessed this year and honestly I it can only go up from last year last year was a really wild ride and a great you one of the best years of my life. The three years previous previous prior were the worst darkest deepest nasty as years so like okay. Two Thousand Nineteen sucked a really can only go up from here. I'm GonNa tell so you kind of how I started my year. We'll get into Mexico in a minute but one thing that happened to me is I started my twenty twenty so low so bottom of the barrel. I Shit Shit myself at the Cancun airport well not fully. It was a little bit of a sneak attack. I made it to the bathroom but got to be honest with you. Saw The light at the the end of the tunnel. You know what I mean did not know if I was GONNA make it. If you've ever been to the Cancun airport. We went to to loom to Christmas to looms really funky European part of of Mexico really makes you feel like you're French Riviera like everyone's in thongs. It's a vibe. Everyone as a full-blown Tan. They wear a lot of dude with like you know so Like selene and like off White Virgil at Blah blow. Whatever the hell his name is like like men unlike Louis Vitton bathing suits it's with one feather Dang leering? You know what I mean where they are but they're trying to look like hipster potentially kind of like earthy guys but it's like you have on off white white bathing suit bottoms. Your bathing suit. Bottoms alone was somebody's studio apartment. Rent in Miami Beach. Do you know what I'm saying. Okay we'll get into Zulu in a second so till about two hours hour and a half south of the Cancun Airport Cancun's very touristy by when you get to the airport and I'm just so you know even the Kabul airport. There is nothing to eat in these airports like one starbucks a pharmacy and like a Margarita. Ville so obviously I had to hit the Guy Fieri. I wanted wanted a one way ticket to flavor town like I'm like let's fuck it up. I always stop at the Guy Fieri restaurant and the Cancun airport and listen. I should have known better absolutely not had their. You knew new better every time you come to the Guy Feary restaurant. Something dramatic happens we got the trash can not chose which come in this weird trash. Can you flip them upside down over. The table are the played you pull up. The trash can the NACHOS fall it would be like a domino effect and really and truly. It's just like really shitty. She Eddie thinly sliced Jalapenos just fallen out the bottom. This isn't like an art basel moment if you will. It's just not shows that were shoved in a can that it looks like a tin trash can that they then flip upside down near play. We only had a little bit of time before to fly. We got the trash can not chose. I got the Vegas fries. Don't let me describe the Vegas fries. Is there curly thick wedge fries but that are cut where they almost havoc curlicue at the end. You know when you're like slight when you take nine a knife yeah knife or scissors and you do. They're really sharp edge. That really against like Oh fuck. Both you're trying to make a bow on the end of of what am I trying to say like a president. Be No when you take the blade and whatever like material you're using and use almost slice your finger open by like S- cutting it really close closed and it makes that noise. I don't know what I'm talking about the noise but regardless that's what the fries look like. They were like a curly fry but where they just kind of flipped up at the end. It wasn't like they were full curl. Because they were fat they were like a wedge like a wedge fry but then also had that little clip at the end. I've just fucking butchered that. Okay okay. I'm sorry Mexico's fucked me up fries. Add a W- ASAMI blue cheese. Now I'm GonNa go ahead and tell you this guy. I hope you're listening. I couldn't think of two flavors at couldn't go worse together like do a spicy Asami blue cheese fuck is that I know. You're trying to take me to flavor town but at this point you just took me to diarrhea. Ville okay because about point three seconds after dipped one of those fat weird Wedge Fries which mind you okay you got the Asami blue cheese and you gotTa side of Buffalo Sauce now. I don't know about you you but I thought that the fries we're gonNA come fully loaded with the buffalo and the blue cheese was Sabi blue cheese wherever the fuck it was on the FRY now guy is making me do the work so now I gotTa dip them and then it came with again back to the curlicue when you're you're doing you know the fancy ribbon on a president show much shredded fuck and celery and carrots. It wasn't like tangent we'd like you couldn't in grab it with your hands and then like eat it with the FRY. The accoutrements the decorative added celery crew. If you will on on top of the Vegas fries was bullshit. All you needed to do. Give me some curly Q.. Fries some regular fucking blue cheese and then the buffalo sauce. Why you'd mix buffalo with Assab Babi again too much fucking heat? I don't care who you are is too much heat. But you know he's all about the flavors you guys like a Bang Bang sauce and a full throttle taki sauce. And you're like. Why did you bring a donkey barnyard animal into this absolutely not just call it a hot sauce? Call it guys hot sauce long story short. We got that we got some sliders Then I spilled my mom's Cappuccino. All over the trash can NACHOS and isolate late them off the top. Do you know what I mean Robinson as we could all these things so I'm shovelling shit and my mouth and all of a sudden it hits me I get about Six or seven bites. We know a bite of each going around the table really Lazy Susan Ing it kind of Spin in a plate grab a bite and it hits me and I say I look Javan go is set. I'm about to shit. Myself ran to the bathroom. Barely made it. Joe described you. What happened to me because I'll just put it this way? I am in a large urge public bathroom and Gang Koon and I have six women call out to me from serpents ause and go are you okay and honestly one appreciated the Camaraderie rothery appreciated the wellness update truly a wellness check. And I said I don't know my voice started to quiver a little bit and I had to translate a little bit in Spanish. You know what I mean. I had a couple of people who said. Are you OK in Spanish and I could understand and I said Komo's at Ise Unwell L.. Nobody no so I got on this flight and I said I think I I you know I hope I make it. I made it back to Atlanta. But that's how my twenty twenty started did New Year's Day essential immediate food poisoning from guy fairies and I thought for sure I mean I got diarrhea oven on a Mexico. But here's the thing I said this last last year got assert shredding for the wedding between that and hopefully this parasite I'll get in Thailand. Like I'm hoping that I mean I listen. I came back from Mexico six pounds lighter and I've been eating have portions Sion's my stomach I just can't eat at all. I don't even really have diarrhea anymore. I'm just letting you know that Mexico to me is a pure place and the severe Jay on the roadside stand. It did make me sick. It was immediate guy. Fieri so guy. I like a personal apology. And I like for you to explain to me why. There's a Sabi blue cheese and let me tell you something right now I fuck up condiments. I'm economy queen. I will literally put sixty five sauces out. I go to Chick-fil-a just to get every sauce. I invented the same called all the zip-line dip a long time ago. I was super over one day and lined up all my chicken nuggets and I had all of my dips out. It would be great. If there is a zip-line that I could just connect my chicken nugget to one side of the zip line and literally let it run through all the sauces and then into my mouth. That's the kind of invent vint America baby genius I am and my friend looked at me and goes wow heather you must be that hung over and you're also really fucking lazy but this is the kind of like you know now. Genius said that just struck with it when I'm hung over and I thought of ZIP line dip awhile ago Haven't been able to get a patent on it. Still working on that patent pending so so don't train steal my idea said here I but that's where I'm at basically what I'm trying to say is I would fuck up a mixture of condiments but was sobbing. Blue Cheese is it's unacceptable and it's just didn't need to happen and I believe that was the main culprit for you know essentially me shitting myself January first all of this being said I. I just want to let you know if you had a bad new year's or if something right out the gate January I it's sucked for you. Just remember the year can only go up from here all it. Can It only go up. It can only go up from feary. I don't know about you but one of the goals that I have. This year has been more time in bed a little bit of getting freaky in a lot of just hell relaxing relaxing. I had a real busy and I am excited to actually kick my feet up. Relax and enjoy just taking some time off and how am mcadoo that. I'll tell you what my new damn sheets and comforter from Buffy buffy has changed the game if you're like me and one near freezing the next one you have hot wild hormonal sweats. And you can't figure out what to do. buffy betting will literally change your life. 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It's just a cult favorite comforter two pillows sheets they literally have it all. I'm obsessed with them. I think you should try them out. Listen buffy offers a free trial free shipping and free returns every day. You can try their products on your own bed for free and before you commit to buying. If you don't love it return it at no cost. Here's a deal all you have to choose go to buffy dot co and enter code absolutely for twenty dollars off your buffy betting be comfortable in bed quit witkin those nights quits. quit hitting your husband in the moment I because he's driving you nuts. Actually that's a personal problem. You've got to deal with that. But in the meantime go to Buffy B. U. F. F. Y. dot co CEO inner absolutely for twenty dollars off your buffy bedding now back to the podcast my new friends. I'm Jackie Schimmel philanthropist purpose motivational speaker glowing white animal rights activists and a shoulder to cry on not really. I'm a crazy bitch boot and a half. If you haven't listened to my podcast the bitch which Bible brace yourself pour yourself a stiff drink and get ready to laugh your ass off or cry. Make sure you subscribe yourself to the Bitch. Bible podcast right eighth. Now you're going to F ing love it so that's where we're in. Our life got a lot of things planned my a real big goal. This year is to sell my show and to make it. I want to manifest. I'm speaking it into existence right now. I want to be at the twenty twenty one golden Globes emmys probably the EMMYS EMMYS is more because at the end of the year the Golden Globes. Even if I sell the show only shoot the pilot will be able to do a whole season. I'm I think what's realistic. DOC is a frigging emmys. But I'M GONNA say Golden Globes to twenty twenty one. We got this baby. We got this. Okay so a little recap of my Mexican adventure ensure going down to to loom. If you don't know about to loom to loom is just a really cool. It's very big. It's she gets echo. It's funky imagine took a bunch of ex pats and you put them on the beach somewhere right. You took a bunch of people from like France and Europe and Spain. It's all these like really cool Europeans and and they've all moved down to this gorgeous white. Sandy Turquoise water part of the Gulf of Mexico IT'S A. It's a two hour south of Cancun to lose this hidden in Gem. There's incredible restaurants there used to be nothing at all touristy about him. It's like one way in one way out on this beach road and we say to COSIMO CO which cheers Pablo Escobar's oldest date which was so funky and this Colombian. Our dealer took over it years ago. So it's just got tons of art in the rooms are insane and I really was like like I'm GonNa treat myself for the beginning of the Strip where we fucked up was. We decided to extend her stay through. Because we have friends coming down so we got a Condo an beautiful oh airbnb it was great. You're there anytime else. During the year had been easy to get to and from where to go three miles from the main drag up to our condo one night it took us an hour and a half to go three miles because literally to get to the beach. You're going down a tiny dirt road at that point like the first week. During Christmas it was relaxing is amazing. But then was all of our friends came in town and we had to move AIRBNB. It became a cluster. Fuck of stress. I couldn't put my mom in a cab. People were trying to swindle us in the cab like just an Fyi when you go to Mexico always negotiate the price before you get in. I mean it's really anywhere but specifically high season in Mexico one night. We paid two hundred and fifty pesos. So for a cab the next day to go literally three miles. They want to charge his sixteen hundred pesos. No AMIGO EGO Lucian. Tomas Manila's Kenyan mallow. But I know how to negotiate. Oh you know what I'm saying so it just became stressful and I realized I forget that like new. Eight years is so hyped for me. New Year's has never been honestly ever a holiday. I've enjoyed I've never done a right. Even though we're in paradise with friends at the beach to me the whole night I was like okay. I got to stay sober enough because I negotiate with cabdriver. Ds Three Miles down. The road was should take ten minutes but because there were so. Many people trying to go to these nightclubs nightclubs that were on the beach. I mean there's a cool way Scott Gaetano onto my favorite restaurants archive Mir Mira down. There is amazing but just because of the sheer amount of like one. We're on a dirt road into it's pitch black and there were so many people trying to go to these like cool beach bars. I was just stressed. I was truly stressed all the time I could put my mom comedy Gabon Resolve. Where are Kanda was was like not very well lit? It was beautiful new development but it was still in your in Mexico and you could be like the coolest ever her and then you just go around the corner and you realize you're like I forgot we're in Mexico. Do you know what I'm saying. And I'm not saying that in a negative tone as in like I've loved Mexico. I'm one with the people. I love the cuisine. I love the language. I'm feeling the vibe but there are moments where you're like Oh shit I forgot. I forgot I had to like kind of kick into where it was one night. My sister's friends came down from Atlanta and she was out partying and listen. I don't care what anybody says. Absolutely not for me being grandma. But we'd moved at the CONDO and I was dressed until until she got home. Okay where are was dark. You couldn't see where you were going. A lot of people didn't even allow the cab. Drivers didn't even know the name of the new development. I was stressed I was up to three forty five in the morning waiting for her. Sorry ass to get home you know. And this is who I've become so the tail in my trip was just I was essentially like the safety. He police and nobody likes to safety police. You know I was getting offered drugs. Hey Mishima's Miss Lady Miss Lady Cook Ena Cook Ena Cook I wanna Meta. How did you WANNA and you're like? Oh yes but not now sir. You know my sister's little she's got brittle baby bird bones. She is a criminal defense attorneys. Usually backing can he not in Mexico. But I had that moment where I couldn't sleep well night until I knew all my chickens were under one roof and my mom was bitching and then of course when my sister comes comes the door my mom actually. She's not mad anymore. Like you find your home but the entire time I ended listen to her bitch for four and a half hours. About what a degenerate. My sister was how she saying late. As you drink too much and I'm like you know mom say to her face but my mom does every time she bitches to my sister about her being a floozy Hussy a lady the night staying up late making her worry and then as soon as she comes in and we know she's totally fine. It's like bygones be bygones. And I'm like I listen to you bitch for six and a half hours and now you're just GonNa let it roll off your skin. Oh Hell no hell. Now I've thought about setting all my sisters key classrooms are on fire fire just a once in smoke signal out through the jungle to let the cabdriver nowhere to drop her and to let her know that I was pissed that I couldn't sleep so the first part of my trip relaxing the end of the trip I didn't go to bed before four. Am a single night. I was either babysitting navigating because I don't know about us. Since my dance died I kind of stepped into the role of my dad is and like I just interesting. How like role dynamics change in the family when now the muscle? I'm the one who does all of her travel. I I put us in an Uber. I make dinner reservations. You know I just kind of keep everybody together. My mom had no point and no point even absorb the name of the hotel we were saying. I wanted to send her home early from dinner one night and this was fine. I didn't mind putting your cab just on the beat along the main beach road. Easy as mom. Where's our hotel she with? I do know I'm like you. They were saying Costume Malka. We've only said it a million times like what the hell the name of the places and I'm like this is what I'm dealing with. I need everybody to stay at ten and to stay alert I just know where the hell you are unless it Mexico's a wonderful beautiful safe place but just got went. Once that new year's fide came in and I knew that all quote unquote burners were. Were there all the parties were there. I said Great. This is when you have to be careful because they don't WanNa fuck with me they wanNA fuck with some dumb ass girl from like USC who's walking on the beach in a White Thong would butterfly wings on going to a fucking Edm concert and the jungle. That's a bitch who's going to get a bad tamale or accidentally good on on a dark alley to buy some drugs next you know. She's in the crossfire of two cartels. I'm not about that life. I'm not I'll tell you what though if you do. Good Unto Saloum on your way back you absolutely without a doubt must and I'm pissed we didn't do it. Stop and you're going to think I'm fucking crazy. Absolutely yes the stopping at the H. M. That is implied imply Dole Carmen Playa. Del Carmen's got a big they call fifth avenue. It's a lot more built up. It's much more touristy. But that H is clean as H. M. They have the best swag agg- I would fly back to Mexico just to go to the gym. I've been going to that one for years. I've said it before I'll say it again. Best in the World Plateau Carmen Mexico. Easy Easy Breezy. Right below the Thompson Hotel on Fifth Avenue. But yeah if you're going to loom state custom Malka. It was amazing. The no man's next door the GNOME. Okay let me tell you what happened one day at lunch. The no man is as like bungalow. Cool Chic everything down into loom is not like your typical hotel. Everything is very much so like inspired by Europeans. It's just very chic now. The problem is there is apparently a documentary out called like what's wrong with to loom or are how someone something like destroying to loom Beasley how to got built up and it was so perfect and then it got built up so quickly that the infrastructure is strong enough to hold like their sewer system and all these things it's right in the jungles who is the beach in the jungle side will barely like Ben. Once a wool was pulled over my eyes. I was like Oh okay I see that like Oh. That's why it smells like sewage around around the corner because they never properly installed any sort of sewer system so then I become also a little jaded. Everything's popping up now again go there. It's amazing it's incredible but I also then started to feel like kind of like an asshole. I was like in my part of the problem. They're very big on recycling and Colm posting composting. Boosting all that shit but then we read the nomad which is like Uber Chic. It's right next to Cosimo calm. The nomad is that place where everybody is is in a phone. Unlisted I've been trying to make conservative bathing suits where they hold you in the front but then your ass cheeks full on the back. I don't know about you. I love my body. Audie love my ass but I want to hold everything together in the front so again putting that on the Vision Board we're GONNA DO Thong one pieces that hold up your titties but everybody episode l.. The no man was in a fall to the point. Where your leg league get it? Okay your body's Air I. Oh it's airbrushed okay cool cool. I've got it now shouted Dow so anyways we go to the nomad and we sit down at the table and this guy I I thought he was speaking in a Russian accent almost like with a touch of German. So okay we sit down to table. The table is set for six but they see their anyways. The great we're having lunch by the beach is going to be great next thing. You know. This guy runs up to our table like five minutes later. Huge what I thought was maybe like a German Danish guy but with the thick like Russian accidents at our table gave us table back. That is my table and so literally just like fuck you on not getting up the New Yorker POPs out you know. And he's he's like no and then the guy tiny little cabana guy runs overdoses like. Hey we'll move you table next door that guys that table I was like okay. Yeah but we've been here but whatever whatever I'm not gonNA argue whatever we'll move smaller table there's only four of us fine but the guy was such a prick about it who's table. It was so he sits down. We moved to a table next tomb. E sitting there for like forty five minutes so we showed up Jeff's huffing and puffing he's finished jazz about the fuck this guy up almost let them know. What's good oh yeah? Are you going to knock us out of our table. Then I'm like we. Hf hold up. He's speaking Russian then. He starts speaking perfect Spanish and it clicked. I was getting so nervous. I literally grabbed Jaffna. Jeff is honestly a lot lot of bark no bite like. He's a gentle teddy bear. I don't think jeff would have like really started something like Jeff. Let it go once. I heard the guy speak Russian and then Spanish I fucking panicked. I was like Oh no he runs the curtail. Okay fully runs a cartel. It's a New Year and I'm sure a lot of us have new year's resolutions. My resolution is truly not give a shit anymore but I am GonNa look great doing it and fabulous athlete. You're from one of my favorite brands on earth fabrics. They basically make looking like you're about to go to the gym the easiest job in the world I go online. My email address take their sixty second style quiz and and the next thing you know they literally send me every suggestion of like matching outfits. That's my biggest thing. I may not go to the gym but if I walk outside the gym I'm at least can have on acute F- Leisure Matching Ching outfit. That's my goal for twenty twenty layoff Meek Aaron okay. I'm starving here's the deal. I've got a special offer just for my absolutely not listeners. What you can do is right now? My audience can get to leggings. That's right two pairs of leggings for only twenty four dollars. That's a ninety nine dollars value as it'd be ip by using my special lake. 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Truly I'm obsessed with Atlantic's they are helping meet Phil Phil Chic and put together in the New Year again. Go to family. Dot Com backslash absolutely not for my exclusive offer now back to the bike cast so then at this point. I'm literally like throwing chips. Just face trying to distract him a coach. Jeff look over there. There's a bird 'cause jeff is now doing this to Piss me off because he knows I'm fully fucking can panicky. So he's just talking shit. He's Almeida I'm GonNa let this guy no us up on my let them know wish good. And I'm like I'm not letting you die in Mexico. My favorite show in the world was narcos. You looked cross eyed at a cartel member. Yes sucking dead homey. Look that's just what it is. That's what it is so I'm not even gonNA play this game. Jeff trying to pump his chest like he's a pufferfish on Mike. I'm done finally got him to cool down. But that's the thing when you go down to these places you gotTa keep your eyes and ears open. Now he talked about it on instagram. I saw deal go down guys. I saw something good down. I don't even know if it's smart for me to be talking about it Ba- let me just tell you what I saw now. My best friend Raymond sought to. I'm not going to tell you where we were. I can't give away those details. I don't know if these people follow me. I'm not trying to die today but I for sure without a doubt saw this deal go down. Were at this really fancy actress. Italian restaurant that was near the CONDO window. We were staying at which clearly all like really rich to loom rich Mexican guys. This is where they lived very fancy not on the beach where it's touristy Christie very fanciest wearing their rain I are sitting next to each other shoulder to shoulder my momma sister sitting across so much that the head of the table but just back my mom. My sister's back are all like facing against what we see happen. All of a sudden I see this guy come up. And he's a very attractive. Young man almost kind of looks. Like who's buried deleting Easter. You know talking about. I can't think of his name chase. That's not chase. Whatever that guy you know what I'm saying brody what does name anyways? This guy's really attractive. He's he's walking up and he's got a suitcase and he's yelling at these two other guys who are running the restaurant and he's like I'm done. I'm done the cabdriver me over the mall nowhere and he's speaking in English with a with a A little accent. He's like I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. That cabdriver nowhere. I'm pissed so the two guys vice who are running this restaurant gate the whole night. One guys unlike A onesie from Morocco like this cool she calf Tanny Onesie Linzie moment. That's made out of this really nice linen that I did say said Sir I like your onesies goes from Morocco. Next thing you know they're like okay. Cool calm down calm down. They throw them in the back of a Hummer and and then they just drive him off. So there's a couple of waiters still left at the restaurant and this woman who runs a restaurant but these two young guys have just put this guy in a hummer with a suitcase and he's left five minutes later. The hammer comes back literally the guy who showed up with the suitcases no longer in there to Chugai. She were in the car who are running this restaurant. Get Out of the car separately in a weird way like one of a walks out the passenger side and like walks around the car in a weird way. The other one makes a beeline the other way other like. Why aren't you guys? Getting out of the Carla kind of Chit Chatting. It was the oddest thing. Then the next thing you know out of nowhere this cab driver pulls up. He starts talking to the guys. He's screaming at the guys. The guys animal bunch of money. There's there's words exchange. I see a suitcase being exchanged from the Hummer back into the taxi. This guy's lickety-split out there then of course the guy looks directly at let me so there's a guy in a onesie imagine and then there's another guy running the restaurant whose clear like the owner's son and he's a really good looking very fair. Skin almost like almost is a green eyed. Very sexual looking man and he's in like a typical Tommy. Bahama shirts the guy that Tommy Bahama Shirt looks directly at Ray and I really like rain. I looked at each other. Take time like is he looking at us. This is what I know. I'm like Oh. They know that we know that they know that. We all know that something just went down next thing you know and without skipping a beat out of nowhere this old guy old guy who clearly owns the entire fucking neighborhood comes out of the Super Fancy restaurant lights a cigar points of the two younger guys the guy in the ones in the guy in the Tommy Bahama shirt like Like almost like a mom so like sit down we gotta talk about what just happened. Tippin sits down. This guy. Douses himself had bug spray. That's a big thing. Let me tell you even the Mexican guys down there that live in the jungle. Or still trying to douse themselves. The bug spray sprite are. There's too many fucking bugs in that junk. I got eaten alive next thing you know. They're all sitting at this table and rain are on like right. What the fuck do we just win as he goes? I don't know but that other do that. Originally showed up at the suitcase is returned. Okay they clearly that other suitcase put it in the taxes like something like a like an exchange of money all all of these things just started to to move hands then basically the mob boss sits down this woman out of nowhere brings a platform drink. He's got like a special thing. Set up the other a two younger guys have to sit down and explain to him. What just happened? I was like our song. We need to check. We gotta go there now looking back at my table because they know that we know that they know that that something just went down. I mean I'm afraid telling this story. I'm not even giving you that much detail and I'm worried I'm scared frigging straight. MSNBC SEE locked up. Ross straight. Do you know what I'm saying because I witnessed something I witnessed something. That probably shouldn't have so a lot of been begging me on instagram. To tell you about what I saw what I saw what I saw. And that's all I can tell you but without a doubt without a even twinge in my I mind I saw deal go down and at that moment I was like I'm ready to go. I'm I'm ready. I saw too much I came I conquered and now Mama is ready for a nap and honestly I was ready. Very Houston's enlisted. The food in Mexico's goes fresh as hell. I'm not eating. It's a sin your frog some bullshit I mean really incredible restaurants the cool thing about dilemmas. They have all these chefs that game from noma which is like famous restaurant in Copenhagen. That was like the number one restaurant in the world. Two guys came from there and they open. This was called Arca. So you can get really high Ryan like Michelin Star Restaurants until him but you also see a drug deal. Go down and there might not be any plumbing. This is what I will tell you. Some of these tells are Eco. Chic they say eco chic that basically weekly just translate to know fuck and air conditioning. I don't know about you but even if it's January I mean. It was still eighty-five degrees every day. I don't fuck with no air-conditioning that's my my personal be like moment. I don't do that so I'm just warning. You tell us. This ECO Chic. That means you're GONNA be sweating in a mosquito net. Don't don't do it to yourself absolutely. Not what's an absolutely yes from the trip absolutely yes suspending. Good time good times good people great marks. I lost six expounds yes from the diarrhea but also and I've said this before every time I go to Europe the food is just pure I ate tacos to st does everyday waves ranchera cherish every single morning and I still came back and lost about six to eight pounds. Didn't work out. Once did not work out a single time. When for maybe Leisure Stroll I was drinking everyday at about about eleven? Am Loss Weight. You want to know why. Because when there's no preservatives in the food your body metabolize it differently plain and simple i. I've got a buddy. Hunter Shadow donder. He lost like fifty pounds. He moved to Guadalajara to open a gym there and he's Mexican his partner Franz Mexican and he's I gather also fifty pounds just living in Mexico. I'm not even barely working out. It's just 'cause I'm not eating this shitty food in America absolutely yes to come back thin. We're GONNA get even more in shape. It's not about a number. I just WANNA feel great for my wedding absolutely yes Mexican chips. It is a matter if you get barbecue or you know sour cream cream Cheddar. Everything has a little bit of a limo. Negga Limo a lime flavor to them everything's got a touch citrus and I'm here for it you know what I I did. When I was drunk I gotTa White Pizza Blanca Pizza? Quattro for Maggi Cortra- K.. So if you're you speak Spanish slice open some lemons. Put a little rule on that douse at thing and salt and pepper and lemons or lime. Change Your Life if you're not putting lemon or lime or some sort of citrus pitchers drizzled on your pizza you. You're missing out. You're missing out is the way to go absolutely yes to more citrus. I love fruit water. You you know you can put cat litter but also then put a cucumber in my water and I drank. It wouldn't even notice the chunks. That's how much I'm easily split. Blake persuaded swayed by fruit water. So gimme a chip with the little lemon or lime action. I'm fucking hooked great hooked. I don't know about you but if you're like me and you're marrying a guy who loves a Cartier Watch. We refuse to pay top dollar for it. I'm going to consign it. And get it from the most authenticated luxury consignment store out there from the real real. I'm talking. They got that Louis Vuitton Gucci the Rolex honey debt cartier and hundreds of more brands up to ninety percent off retail. That's a real real. You can shopping sign women's and men's luxury fashion and street. We're as well as the cool thing is fine. Jewelry watches art and home. If you had a Picasso's in somewhere in the back of your house pull it out on their real real. They get new arrivals levels every day and they go through meticulous process of making sure that their authentic in fact the real real employees over one hundred brand specialists gemologist Khawla GIS this. I don't know what that means. But that means they're into something. Do you know what I'm saying. Needless to say they have the right people to do the job to really make sure that everything that they're putting out into consignment has authentically gotten that stamp of approval. You can shop luxury. This sustainable way go online. Download the APP or visit one of their stores. So so how West Hollywood or their new location honey. Eight seventy Madison Avenue New York. Here's the deal. You can even get the white glove service where they do a free in-home pick up today. I'm not even getting. My mom has really crazy pieces of furniture worth a lot. I wouldn't have known any different. And I called the real real and they literally came to her house picked him up and they're taking the thirty work out of our hands. You can shop in store online or download the APP and get twenty percent off select items with two Promo Code Real. Just go to the real real dot COM Promo Promo Code real for twenty percent off select items now back to the podcast. What else? What else do we got going on? I mean absolutely yes to just thriving absolutely absolutely not okay. Let's even get into absolutely frigging not to these cross fit couples. I talked about it on instagram. Yeah I get it that everybody down. There wasn't a Thong but we gotta talk talk about this at cross fit couples on vacation. have gotTA fucking stop it is seven. Am I am hung over eating waivers. Jerry's that sixteen memo's why am I watching you. You and your husband. Do Wind sprints down the fucking beach. You know what's worse when they don't even wear sneakers and they have this webbed amphibian like lizard shoes. Barry's bootcamp and I've talked about this before you're on a treadmill and then the next guy next to you don't have on Nike as those Amphibian. Vivian fucking weird web shoes get the fuck Outta here. I absolutely do not have time for that. So riddle me this. I'm sitting there at breakfast and then I see a woman who's about. I don't know five to bench pressing. Her husband not even like they're going for a morning walk. They're doing some yoga or stretching there ham. Me's he's getting a cool down. Where dog you know son citation becoming one with the earth? This woman is bench pressing her fucking husband grunting Like Johnny we got six more. I was furious. I almost threw a knife at why are exercise couples. The worst set it on on instagram. I'll say it again even jeff and I got a wild hare brass. Listen we're trying to train. We're we're I need to get physically active again. I love being physically active. I've lost so my muscle definition. That's really what I WANNA do is just build muscle again but even if jeff and I became runners which we would never because we're both too top heavy my tits hurt. When I run I would at least make Hebei? We're not going to run together because I'm not GonNa WanNa talk to you. I'M GONNA WANNA listen to a podcast or listening. You know. I don't know the spice girls like I'm not GonNa WanNa Fuck Chit Chat with you. Well we go for a jog. What I'M GONNA WANNA do is go back to my hotel room while you're out for your run? Take a nice peaceful shed where I can't have you bothering me where I don't have to feel rushed turn on the water. Anything just do my thing. You come back you then take your peaceful shit. I tell you I'm going to go out. You go for a run but I don't I go to the beach bar eight. Am and I get sixty five my ties. You know maybe a sex on the beach. Maybe then after you're done shitting then you come out have a couple of my ties and then we just just have sex on the beach. The fact that I gotTa Watch you bench. Press your husband. Also listen it's enough. It's an absolute frig enough with the. I got to be just as strong as him. I learned that the hard way move in furniture with Jeff body was gonNA kill me but I pick up at three hundred fifty pound marble table almost lost oeste limb and Jeff at one point grab meaning goes sweetie I love you. I'm so glad you're empowered. I'm so glad you feel strong. I'm glad I'm Mary strong woman. But can you please not I try and kill yourself throughout your back by proving that you're she man and in that moment I said you're right Jeff. I'm doing too much. And that's an absolutely not. But what an assault on my own personal vacation DAB to sit there in my already my bathing suit by nine. Am I'm ready to go. Roared up having to Moses getting away those Ranchera Chili Rellenos. I love Deseo now. That's breakfast and then I got to listen to you Claire Huffing and puffing down the frigging beach chasing your idiotic nomadic meathead husband while you both have t shirts on that say cross. Ross Fit Austin. I'm done you've ruined my morning. You've ruined my vacation. Take a chill bill. Guess what on the seventh day. God made Sunday to rest. You can't have days off. No days off is some bullshit. Take a day off. Have a Jimmy Chunga look could do. Each Other's is maybe take a day off make vision board. Also I love it. Everyone's gotta be shredded shredded cheese shredded lettuce on my NACHOS. No body fat. Well guess what when your face gets old Claire My face Alex young and fresh as a daisy easy. Why 'cause I've Collagen and still hear it little baby fat there? Everybody wants to be thin. But did you see the Golden Globes like like I saw the Golden Globes the other night everybody looked like a hot frigging mass. Everybody needs fillers. They're all too thin. It's too much a little fat. Would do as some good okay. You guys make fun of Chubb's now let me tell you what Gimme thirty years. I'm GONNA look frigging fantastic. Well your face looks older than all hell your face is going to look like an old kneecap. Yeah I said it. You want to know why 'cause you having think giving your body a break and the fuck and carb or a sandwich and nine months also when I see crossfire women on like instagram. And they're doing the fucking you know like pushing tires across railroad tracks and look. It's enough absolutely not. We do not have to be as strong as the men physically. You want to know why we can be strong and healthy but we also have to like be men. I can wake up on my vacation. Get a massage by nine. Am and Have Sixteen Shrimp Tacos by ten am. You want to know why. That's what I just did. Do Pets me living my truth. Be Itch also side note. Jeff you know. I've said at this before but women are superior sex just when it comes to everything. Jeff Scott Cold. He wasn't feeling great detail in Mexico. We're all kind of like back and forth. And he's in New York right now I'm in Atlanta. And he called me and he's like. Oh Heather I took a dayquil and they excedrin migraine tonight. I'm like here's my thing. I always carry. We like a small medicine cabinet with me. But I've got my oil now. I've got the acid reflux medicine. I got the you know the Zana's if you need and he always like Oh. You have so many bills on my Gab. But I actually know how to take the pills. Like I'm only taking what I need to ninety took an Excedrin migraine which has caffeine. And everyone knows that. DAYQUIL which is the betta means is the Tweaker when I said Baby Jab to show them your license he goes. Yeah I said you'RE GONNA call me at five. Am and you're going to be literally doing laps in Times Square. You've walk from our apartment thirty blocks north and you literally be tweaking scratching your skin off by the tk t s booth because because you took too many uppers and that's a wrap. That's on gone. I said did you not even think to ask the pharmacist. Whether that was too much as a why did you take dayquil. It's nine PM at night. He's a notice today. I don't why why should I take the NYQUIL around eleven pm like ours. The Sun's gone down chef. How he is made it on this planet thus far wild wild to me highly intelligent man? But you didn't think to read the ingredients and Excedrin Excedrin and a dayquil fucking wild to me. Arabs Louis. Yes to Mexico absolutely taken time off absolutely not drugs in in Mexico absolutely not to cross couples in Mexico absolutely not to jeff taking drugs in America because he never even read what anythings made of but eam as audacity to make fun on a me and my Lisa Renna bag bills. Get the fuck Outta here. Absolutely frigging not child's play Sir child's frigging play guys. I feel like this year is going to be really great and thank you for letting me kind of break down what I did over the holidays. Thank you for letting me get a couple of things off my chest. We're going to be back next week with interviews and I promise to bring you a lot of great interviews this year. y'All it was hard being on the road. It was really hard to try nail down people and I think again I wanNA stay true to who I am and the people that I care about it there. Is Anybody that you want me to interview. Please let me know tweet at me. Heather Kay McMahon slide in my. DM's on instagram. I yeah definitely want to get people into the studio that you love but hopefully I can really crank out some great interviews but again. I'm not doing vander pumps. I'm not doing Ding dongs. If I like them and I find them interesting interesting I want this to be an honest. Absolutely yes conversation but I wanted to be authentic. I'm not bringing in Julian Huffing and my studio so we can talk about better fucking Tony Robinson Pyramid scheme motivational bullshit. Have y'all seen these videos. Online just watch it Juliana. Derek are trying to do some bullshit. Tony Robbins like motivational dramatic. Swindle people out of their money tell them they're not worth anything. I can't with that woman. Jackie Schimmel a dear your friend of mine. She and I both agree on how much we can't stand Julianne Huff. I'M GONNA get some footage for you. And I maybe I get Juliana on the bike and let her explain herself if it's too much it's insufferable. Do not let anybody swindle you into buying into some bullshit program this year that you need to pay somebody the money to be a better version of yourself you yourself. Follow me. I'll keep it one hundred. I'll tell you where you need to go on vacation what you need to do. Don't take drugs you know you can do though when you get to Mexico go to the Pharmacia by whatever the fuck you need. You Got Diabetes. Medicine go to Mexico. It's fucking cheaper. He needs ZANIES. Go to Mexico. I'll tell you well you can walk right in there. Any trauma over exploded Bam there you go half price cleaner to trust big Pharma. Absolutely not too big Pharma Pharma you and I both though they got a cure for cancer but their high need somewhere in a vault somewhere in Colorado because Pfizer makes too much damn money. Wow that we could really get crazy on that note. I'M GONNA end dear ladies and gentleman. I promise you know and I promise to do whistle blowing some more shit this year. I'm GONNA blow the ass off the elephant not really when I go to Thailand. Actually try and put the elephants asked back on because apparently they're fallen off over there and I plan on going to a wonderful place. Ace in Chiang Mai Northern Thailand to you know work with the conservation and bring awareness and try and help the elephants but when it comes to conspiracy theories is and big Pharma blow in the ass off the elephant metaphorically speaking. I'm excited about what this year has in store for us. I feel like we're just gonNA crush but we gotta say focus. We gotTA giggle the world's getting crazy out there. Stick with me kid. I got you do not listen to Julian off. Do not stick equip me all sorts Colt motivational speeches. And you know what we'll do we'll do a slide show on all the reasons why I can't would Julianne Huff. I love you I miss miss you. I am so excited for this year remember. Click subscribe to all of the things. Stay tuned were adding more tour dates. Please check in. Check the INSTAGRAM's grams. Tell more your friends to follow me. Let's make this go viral twenty twenty s a year we all together as a collective so my TV show. I WanNa do big things and I wanna be in each and every one of your household and I want another reason for your husband so loved me you know. Maybe they don't get the instagram. But you know what they're gonNA get me topless on their television. I'm kidding getting I haven't read that into the script but maybe I should fuck it. Everybody into loom was dongs. I'm GonNa live my truth on my own. TV Show tits up tits out baby baby. I love each and every one of you remember. Let's make this year. It can only go here if you almost pooped your pants the Cancun airport aching only go up from here. We we got this. We're GONNA make this the best year of our lives. You know why because we're GONNA do it together. I love each and every one of you see you next week on the podcast. Thanks for tuning in absolutely s us to all the exciting things we haven't story this year. Love You my baby's Chow bye-bye riveted. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode don't forget to Subscribe Raisin Lieber Review and as always follow me on Instagram instagram at Heather. Kay McMahon. See you guys soon

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