2 Episode results for "Chinchilla Chila"
LIVE FROM SAN FRANCISCO: W. Kamau Bell
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We have someone who I think embodies everything that is glorious about Oakland California w yeah me some skin-to-skin. It's the guy I saw on earlier. When you said cable would be a different cable now? You're sure when I saw you tonight. I saw that your shirt says I got my freedom papers in Mobile Alabama. What does that mean? They'll become so my dad's road with Alabama. How very handsome man if you guys check out the United States of America yes sir you go back to Alabama where in his father's in it and his father's six six just a bona fide straight ten Brad Pitt level ten yeah he's as many women said on the air and men? He's a snack. He's a fan snack. Yeah Damn Snack. I was thirsty as hell watching that episode I showed my tweets does not tweets and I was like hey just so you know these tweets. I get like you seem like a brother. I would call you if I had car trouble exactly brother E._R.. Not Brother with an but you went back to Alabama to mobile I would like to which go a lot but I took the show. They're so mobile. Alabama is famous for basically two things. It's the birthplace of Mardi gras people think as New Orleans not New Orleans and it's the place for the last slave ship landed scenario and so so in my book I wrote about that and I wrote it's hard to sort of capitalize on being the place for the last slave. Ship landed doesn't really help tourism right. You couldn't sell a lot of shirts that said I got my freedom papers in Mobile Alabama. It's like a drunk Bourbon Urban Street shirt you buy. I got bourbon faced on Shit Street. Yes my favorite shirt from Bourbon faced on ships you laughing then Monica many. She's the boss so weirdly I didn't event with Bill and Melinda Gates are they bring a bunch of high school students in and talk to them about the had the yearly letter and they talk about good things he's all students who competed to get there the whole thing and one of the Bill Gates Melinda Gates people. They have like a team of people I should I hope so yeah like bill. Gates doesn't read your book but one of his people of course yeah any hands me this shirt that says I read your book and I had totally forgotten about writing that in my book and I was like what does this mean. You didn't know I wrote the book and like a fever dream and six months. I didn't really remember that's funny. I thought it was funny but yeah and then he showed me in my book where it said that now's like right. Now your book awkward thoughts by Kamau Bell. Did you write that because you were dying. You do find out like oh I can get a kind of a nice advance and then panicked like I gotta turn this in. How did it work little a little from column B? Okay great a little mixed math yeah so I always wanted to write a book. I got a chance to write a book. I was happy to write a book but that it was like we need this book in like six months because we don't really know if we're going to be famous in ear. Okay that's okay. I was the first season the united shades are like maybe this doesn't go that much longer my cousin in Cage Emerson's and author and they talk about like it's time for me to write my book so I'm going to go off line and I'm going to spend time at Joshua tree and I'll be back in a year and a half with my book but I was like on the road in vans filming United States like quick when my freedom papers in Mobile Alabama you are from many many places right. You were brought home home from the hospital to Palo Alto. Yes hometown kid. You ended up in Boston yeah for a while. What age did you moved to Boston? So I was in Palo Alto. I was a baby we move to Indianapolis where my mom is from say a lot of places. This is fun then. My mom got a job in Boston so we moved to Boston then. My Mom got tired of Boston specific style of racism because it's a very specific style of racism involved Yeah Yeah I do too I do and so then she's he's like I would like more of a mid West racism so we will Chicago Hersher like race racism with a smile Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah but then we will Chicago. My Dad lived in Alabama. I used to go every summer and I didn't really like Chicago at that point so I moved to live my dad for two and a half years in Mobile Alabama the move back to Chicago where I graduate from high school okay so we're mom and dad ever married. My Mom and dad were never married. I gotta be real careful because Janet's here his mom met her backstage and she's not to be trifled with. No she's not to be fucked with. She will come up here if need be just so you know where you said. Do you know the Mau Mau and I said No. She said shame on you. Yes she did which is weird because it was like three minutes after she was like Oh my God it looks as starstruck and then it was like you're wrong. Yes I under delivered for sure okay. So can you please tell us this specific Boston brand of racism because we talked about this a bit on the on the show. Which is I love Boston? We all love Boston but I feel often when I'm they're talking with white transport guys feel like there's only one probe question before it's like. Are we good to go there. Are you know and I'm like no no. I'd rather not yeah. It's like a muscular liberalism. I would say because it's a blue so weird about it is it's hyper. Liberal liberals like we don't really we have some of that out here but it's like the liberals that will punch you in the face for not being liberal enough yes yes but it's also like there's an undercurrent of just I mean it's one of the first sort of America landing so racism was sort of they sort of worked on early racism in Boston where they got us out here where it was like no it's perfect. It's kind of proprietary. Yeah Yeah Yeah so Boston is still got like this is the original recipe for Coco. It's sweeter and thicker. It's like it's a sweeter thicker racism that makes sense like if you go on Youtube and they go this would make a coke from nineteen twenties. Yes yes Boston racism. It's authentic. It's really tasted wasted in the sauce and thing my mom hated is that even some of the black people are like there's everything in Boston where every white person's like well. My family came over on the mayflower but even the black family was owned by people on the mayflower. There's like a really really confused good for you all that moving around your like basically a military kid which can result in my opinion in one of two do things you're probably super good at new situations and meeting people and all that or you're a psychopath which I've met a lot of those two yeah. Probably there's so much. You don't know who you are. Where you're at or the first one I did well when you we went to these players note? I didn't do well but I would sort of blend into the background and despite the fact I'm six four two hundred sixty pounds and PSOMAS Fox well. My Dad is your dad yeah outgrow into it but I can pretty much sort of disappear in any situation situation because I just know how to sort of be in rooms and sort of not be in the middle of things. Even though I'm also a target because of racism where these schools you went to predominantly I mean I would we would move around a lot. I did a lot of private schools but my mom was like we're moving tomorrow Info it'd be like okay. Hey so you just go to the school is in the neighborhood and so I went to a lot of different schools but I sort of always had a feeling like I'm not going to be that long. What was your technique? You were funny is that is that when you weren't great I was. I was hilarious but I was super shy. I mean I'm still super shy. It's just you're so cute you something about. Shy really cute isn't it. You flirt with everybody in your pocket. I've listened to actually can't play that with me like I'm special like I'm the one crack I've listened to an episode. This is your thing to open me up. I mean it's working a little bit <music>. I'm crossing my legs time to give on midway through. I'm going to sit next to Macau. This is no ordinary love ninety three nice when I have guests on the show that we've not met and we meet in the Green Room. There's a kind of cute little cat dance that goes on where I might trying to figure out what Kamal's music history is and then I found out like we fishbone I think we might we have something in common. There is like little things came out throughout. I feel like I was one of those kids and this was the new school yeah. This was very good in that situation like okay. I'll just try to blend I get I don't even like fishbone. Nice thought I was just GonNa say that it for forty forty five minutes. I'm good at pretending I know what I'm talking about. That's kind of my career and brand now. I I mean I feel like it's sacrilege. I'm a huge fan of fishbone but I'm a big wikipedia person who's like what did you say and I'll look a little bit a lot of things right like you knew G._D.. Allen Jalen Allen but then also that's an age thing no no no no no the most dudes I knew Monica here case it was in your case. It was an age thing for sure yeah. I'm in school as you're moving around. Can you remember what your tactic was. Did you play sports. No okay great not funny no sports shy. I was funny. I didn't say hilarious. You were right in funny notes people. No I wasn't connecting. Maybe I emma psychopaths quickly moving towards the other categories for me. It was it hard. I mean only child so I'm very fine with my own company. Okay I make sense. I don't need other people around. My wife is similar in Monica and I were just talking about this like my wife will be at a very busy party with all of our best friends. She'll go upstairs and read a book for Twenty minutes muddy. What kind of person does this a person who is secure in their own company? Yes zoos way more less codependent than I am by people to your house. You can't read a book. I'm sorry you're going to have to find another time to read a book. Then when you've invited people three weeks out to come over there were patterns. There were two only children one was kristen reading a book. The other was this waitress who was taking a nap on the lawn while we're around him. Talking and L. could care less yeah and then the oldest were also very predictable very rule following. Yes yes in the middle children you and I we're trying to entertain everyone yeah yea ham and cheese back to you. How did you do with with gals? Oh not good just going right into all the things not good at Nintendo or anything. I was okay as okay. You're the only kid who didn't know up up down down left right left right. You're the only person playing contra with three lives. I mean I didn't own own Nintendo had to rent it from the video store. Come the video connection in high can handle you being Cheyenne ship but if you can't afford Nintendo that's going to bring it all down. Well See America was founded. You know I mean I was a super fan of comedy from way back in the day. I'm of the Adriatic SORTA. Remember the first cast starting alive. I don't think I watched it live necessarily but I remember I remember when Eddie Murphy was like the guy in the back of the scene. I'm like why don't they let him talk and then slow. He worked the way up to the front yeah so I'm a big fan of comedy also growing up in the eighties like comedy was everywhere standard. I was huge standup fan so that was and then I was also at the same time a huge martial arts fans ice martial arts classes so I would leave school and go take martial arts classes hold on a second. What discipline can we spar? Oh Oh boy the Veritas for the listeners at home. He's doing a lot of intimidating gestures visible cashing. What so yes I was? I mean this is a movie tie. This is so it is like fifth grade so insecure about pronouncing your name. It's all me I just want to own it right now. I think as I get it. A lot of people are hard but it's also a real easy name to say so. I'm not true well in that. It's not there's it's not like nine syllables in it. I feel that the two that are there. Did you ever go by Walter. I did you did guys. That's what the W stands for by moved around a lot so I was always come out. My Dad's name was Walter always come out at home my family my mom would only call me Walter refuse trying to make me angry in big trouble. No big trouble like specifically to make me hang up like I'm sorry Walter like just because I knew what their relationship was. I was like that's not a yeah so crazy when I got to like middle school high school and they would like just rename off of the role they were given from the administrator. Let's say Walter Bell would be well. Actually I'm not fine. I'm not going to be here that long. It'll be fine yeah in high school. My friend my best friends who went to high school ivestment Jason's Noumea's Walter that someone had to come in come out come out of him. Did he think you were trying to reclaim something. Was it like going to from Cassius Clay Muhammad Ali except except it was sort of a reverse. I suppose Muhammed Ali by cash. She's like I gotta go back to Mohammed. I guess you know in honor of having you. I got a bell tattooed on my ring finger. Yeah I'm back. He doesn't everybody okay now fallen forward. I hate to dwell on this. But what did we do about girls. From the second I was twelve. I only had two priorities in live with drive a car and have a girlfriend in my own. I don't have a driver's license. Still Oh my goodness. It's really Oh my God total psycho by the way you were vindicated. You like someday. I'll be able to pull out my phone and get a ride whenever I want and now here we are yeah. If you people get all over your fear robot cars we could be done with driver. uh-huh yes so I just didn't I didn't know how to talk to girls so I just wanted to and I there was a point at which I thought maybe I'll do one of those people who doesn't date. That's what you thought I'd I we bought like maybe I'm just destined for that. You know that adult when your kid who like isn't with anybody of any sex or gender they live in the world yeah now. I'm envious that adult like man what it'd be great to just sort of be only owned by yourself. Well my wife's Sir I should probably let's cut that out person though so she'll remember it. It all worked out your wife's beautiful I met her. She ended up top person like she's a popular person right. Definitely she immediately. I thought that when I met the girl was popular she drive. Yes okay all right and not happy about the no license thing. You're not re- kids in my wife couldn't driver kids somewhere. I would divorce her. Okay just relax I would they. Don't you ask why. Why don't you have one Walter Kamau Bell? This is really taking a developed because I know 'cause he's. He's going to go. I'm blind. That's what's next Shino Nintendo blind. I never felt so bad for gorgeous six foot four genius comedian. How do you get to be a great comedian? If you don't experience like you know sadness and it's probably me and Richard Pryor stories stories are very similar born in a whorehouse. I was an only child. who wasn't that good Nintendo? It's very similar. Are you a bit of a historian on him. Yes his autobiography is one of the great comedy autobiographies of all time well in. I got these early League V._H._S.. TAPES OF SOME OF HIS SETS in New York before he was super popular in one of his routines. He was just like y'all suck a Dick. This is like seventy two. Even New Yorkers are like this is a little bit much they were freaking out and then he just goes into how everybody sucks. Addict eventually and I was like that was my experience. He hit you nailed it. It's called live in smoking and it's him sort of work out. How do I be Richard Pryor on stage yeah and it's very famous for comic? If you kind of want to go through that phase on some level of like when you just say whatever you want to say on stage and figure out the stuff that works in the stuff that is us. That's one of the boldest leaps I've ever seen. Nobody seventy two someone identifying straight. Yes even even now. It'd be a pretty bold statement for heterosexual sister and then my follow up question so did you did you at any point when you're you're this age. Did you think I'm going to try to pursue this. No I really didn't feel like I didn't know how you start doing comedy. I didn't live near Comedy Club. I didn't know what a comedy club was. It seemed like too far off and I really at that point was like I'm going to be the next Bruce Lee. That was my plan all right so we didn't cover what discipline you were training him so I started out like a REC center in Alabama in Taekwondo by some guy who claimed he had a black belt but who knows but then later on Chicago I found the school they taught wing Chun Kung Fu which receives original style so excited about got it yeah yeah is actually up there with prior. Is he like issues. I had a prior for me. Wow I mean just personally and he lived in San Francisco. Now born is there was a school lived in Oakland. Oh wait a minute N._C._I.. Rent Bruce. Lee's old house I did like Tarantino Got Travolta's apartment. Did you end up in Bruce. Lee's I'm a lot like Tarantino so that's yes everything he does. I try to like I'm GONNA do that. Yeah I say the inward all the time. How do you not I don't even know that about you say when I need to but I think he probably said it more in his life than I've said in my life he's like a kid uses catch up? You know what I mean like. I use it like human like well. We need a little inward here. Ah It's a strong spice. It can be overpowering sometimes win. I don't think a rice krispies need catch up I think they do. I D like his movies. I like someone's movies. Let's say pulp fiction. That's a classic I mean it's one of the best movie if it comes on T._v.. I'll watch it and Sam Jackson speeches are among the best features has ever made in any movie Clinton turned to you is a great writer of screenplays. This is kind of what's fun about these conversations. Please leave pregnant. Pause it and that was amazing. I well it's important to the story now among the high wire and I got to choose my words perfectly so those speeches were so good can a white dude right. Those speeches it turns or is that white people tend to do lots of things. Almost everything was everything Monica. Lets you aside podcast so they do a lot white people specifically white men Yep can you can you say white boys boys prefer or honky crackers Loo- i- devils blue eyed devils. Oh you're coming up with more. I'm trying to think the keeps chime in. Let me explain to you people of Color the white boy the pass is about to expire so I gotta go but thanks for having me on this was really great as my transfer to go bad continue. What were you gonNa say so guarantee so you can do whatever you WanNa do when you're white guy I guess what I'm asking is? It scares me when I'm watching it. I'm like wow he he handed that to a lot of black actors and he wrote all the words. I just don't know where I stand on that. It's very tricky but yet I love his movies so this is an exciting thing to figure out why I think there's a thing I think is the problem is that you can like things that you like. That aren't necessarily worth defending. Oh yeah totally agree that so yeah I think you can like Tarantino movie. We are not like it but there's this thing we have inside right now and I think it's related to social media that people would like to have to defend the things they like like they have inherent goodness. Yes so Tarantino can drop the orders which he wants to. You can like it but then if I go that's a little bit too much inward. You have to be like you don't understand Dan Meson sand and how his influences are from Japanese cinema do that Shit but people get really dug in Tarantino's because he gets dug into defending himself to write should movies directive to int- with them or not like them. What would you say if his answer and that was like Oh? I don't know I'm racist if he just jumped right to it then I almost feel like the debate about whether he could or should or whatever is kind of well the move just the problem. The word racist that people have is that we think it's one thing if you say he's a racist you're sort of aligning him with the clan but their levels of racism and racial inappropriateness hundred percent yeah just like it's dangerous to point out like David Dukes probably different than Tarintino sure but David might be like I love Gwen Tarantino movies without a question he's love them and then you have to sort of sit with that. How does that make you feel? Does that make you feel anything so I went to see Django unchained kind of because I felt like I needed to 'cause it was like a black guy slave movie. GotTa go check this out. 'cause I know why people it's also Kinda my brand so so I went to see it and there's a moment where I've only seen the whole movie once and and and I there's lots of it that I enjoy Jamie Foxx Amazing Christoph Waltz is like an amazing actors again speeches great thing but there's a moment where there's like Jamie Fox is like hung upside by his bald or something weird is happening and I'm having this real visceral like I'm a black guy who has balls and this is slavery slavery and wow that looks horrible next year to like young white girls who were like WanNa see Jamie Fox is peanuts. You know what I mean like. I have to say I was a little bit in that camp girls. I'm just saying I wouldn't have minded see in a different situation wasted. I might be in that candy not against the backdrop of the horrors of American slavery. I think if I could walk you through I was like Oh my God. This is almost too much. Do you think we're going to see his peanut. Definitely transition transition. I might have gotten there but there was these two girls who were like they were just like ready and I'm like I started having flashbacks with the transatlantic slave trade that I didn't know ahead in my system so like the fact that a lot of Quentin Tarantino's he sort of does it is a sort of unemotionally emotionally source sort of becomes a blank slate for people to sort of put on whatever they want it was many people described as slavery porn. Yeah there was a kind of a bunch of those in that same period where it was like very weird Cathartic thing like twelve years a slave. Even it was just. Is this how we're processing this for me. Twelve years well acted well-executed. I met John Ritter. He's a nice guy but I was like ours. The message slavery was bad right right. I got it yeah. The people walk out of it and be like Oh. My God slavery was awful. You go to high school in Texas with those different textbooks like so for me. There's a part of it that is like we're not all having this discussion at the same level yet so sometimes it's hard because there's a binary option on the table which is racist not racist and there's no room to own it like for us to grow beyond. It's kind of like did you see that Michael Moore documentary who to invade next and he goes around the world and he'd like any country that had a great idea he decides he's going to steal it and bring back to the U._S. and he goes to Germany and what they do in Germany to remember the Holocaust is the kids in school for a month. That's all they study. The kids have to pack everything that they would want in a small little box and that's all they're going to own for that month like it's a dedicated time where they recognize what happened and I think for us to start start that type of process there has to be a little bit of safe ground. I guess where it's like you can own your biopsies in own that and come up with tools to correct that if the only options are on Nazi or I'm an ally that it doesn't leave a lot of room for people to own whatever level they have. I think that's I think history but I think there's a difference between being a racist and being Nazi the wardrobe like Nazis a job like I think I think we aren't throwing around the word Nazi a lot right and that's a specific person who believes excitably has a wardrobe where I feel like racist is like are you hungry. I'm a little bit hungry. Are you racist. You're a little bit racist. Do you know what I mean like. We have to accept the fact that I think the problem is in this happens with with white people a lot is there's so much fear. Here's the word racism that there's no room to be like these ways in which you are racist because they think that Amelia lines the clan you WanNa talk about something that could raise defensiveness. It's like if the stakes are going to be labeled as a Nazi versus. I'm going to own this whatever three on the spectrum I and A. and then be open to coaching learning and changing. I'm probably just going to dig on that. I'm not a Nazi cause. I'll fight to the death that I'm not a Nazi but people also have to like be okay with being feeling bad asking questions following up. I think the problem is is that it's a shame okay but people want to run away from shame shame as a motivating factor to change. It's happened to me several times tonight. I'm learning my mom actually put shame on you. I like it. You didn't beat around the Bush. No no shame on you but the thing you did is you sort of went okay and then you guys kept talking blaster to tell me about and I think there's not enough of like tell me about this like I had a friend my friend Martha who's like basically it was like you can't talk about racism and make sexism worse. You're being sexist assist in the world and here and I was like no I'm not Martha and then it becomes like well. How much do I value this friendship? Do I believe this person is smarter than me specifically in this area and Q I have enough self care that I can sit here and listen to it without falling apart yeah and the to answer for me and then what was like yeah I do so for me. It's like when people accuse me of things I'm now. If the point of like did I well let me think that through took me tell me about it. Yeah you know. America's original sin is racism and people want to act like it was it's all in the past when history is not a series of dots dashes. It's a line and so we're connected to all these things. Oh it was five seconds ago in reality and people today in Chicago. They couldn't buy a house in the seventies right coalitions prevent them. I mean they're just a ton one of very recent stuff or even me I grew up learning. Oh we had slavery then this Angel Abraham Lincoln came by freed all the black folks and we straight so everything's good and and then I read grant and and I was like oh no reconstruction was like almost earlier than the war and they were shooting black people who are trying to vote. I didn't hear about that like I heard all good yeah and share cropping. It's like slavery except you owe us money. They can we go back to slavery that is the benefit of movies like twelve years a slave even though it's Ira Lee when they're like oh no slavery is bad but if they didn't know that in this helped them know that it's still somewhat of a win. I think the movie is is a good movie. I just feel like just to me. It's an indictment of the education system that people would have to walk out. Men Slavery was exactly it is it is anyway deserve the help we can get because at the same aim time in twelve years will say was out. There's also movie out called Fruitvale station. I love that here and for me. It's like the thing that I felt that. The time is twelve years. A slave is about people can still go. Oh that's bad a long time ago right. Where's your proof? Well stations like new lessslaves bad this morning today right. Now you know so for me. It's we have to talk about it in now like and also we have to not feel bad about it. It's just you should make changes for but you can't get caught up in like the shame spiral and then the defensiveness yes so I should be able to Oh yes tim. Tarantino has some things that are racist. Let's hope fictions good yeah stay tuned for more live show. After this exciting commercial break we brought to you by I- Grove Collaborative now Monaco when I was growing up MOM USAGES SPAT or bleach and ammonia very hard chemicals to clean the house and they weren't good for some of these cleaning chemicals we were raised on have been linked to cancer Hanser and respiratory issues. 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All bookings fine you into University of Pennsylvania. Just what were you going to major in. What was the game implant because I was so deep into martial arts major was East Asian studies lockout was turns out? Not a lot of Kung Fu taught at University of Pennsylvania. When you're East Asian Studies major youth out? You'RE GONNA watch like enter the dry yeah so I took took like a year and a half. I took a year and a half of Mandarin Yeah. Can you speak any of it. I could say some things in a manner. That's not anything right right but I'm not GonNa do that in San Francisco you'll get busted good call. There are other cities. You might Ibn that I'd be like I'll come do it there. When you do my mobile show you exactly through the whole thing in Mandarin no one else that was the thing where they were a lot of kids who grew up speaking Chinese in their house who were kind of taking it for the which I'm not mad at him about and by the way in? My Mind I pictured that was the only people in the class and then you looking for a Bruce Lee movie yeah and also. I just wasn't motivated because I was like I think I made a horrible mistake your dad he was the Insurance Commissioner of Alabama. Yes he was he was right and he was also the chairman Chairman of Swiss re three those are pretty huge accomplishments in the seventies. None of that stuff happened in the nineties. When I was sort of like already person okay okay I grew up with a dad who lived in his mom's house in the back room of his mom's house? Sit like half an employed like a photographer and poet and had a tan leather jacket and like big seventies Afro looking like Doctor J. on vacation like a big giant Buick not the cost of being a ten yeah. All I gotTa do is this and I'll be doing fine and then when I was a little older he realized Oh wait a minute. I'm a loser and he like got a job at the bank like a thirty five year old like junior teller and just worked his way up to when when he like got recruited to sell insurance he wasn't a loser first of all he he was but he was not a guy who was accomplishing much right. He suddenly like the light switch clicked and he was like I gotTa make some things happen. So if you met my dad today you would not know that that was the same guy who's like now like his casual closer like Polos dockers zindler casual offers. You know what I mean like. He was a Miller highlife champagne of beers drinking yeah now he's like. I don't like this wine. Okay sure yeah now was he disappointed. Though when you dropped out Oh oh yeah because he hit hit taken forever go through college he he thought like basically like university Pennsylvania's an Ivy League school so he felt like people go to Ivy. League school are set so my son is now set and then later it's like I think I'm gonNA drop out and go back Chicago and take some classes second city and and that's what you did yeah. That's what I did. And how long have you seen Chicago. Ninety one moved to hear ninety seven yeah and what brought you here. I mean I started doing comedy and ninety four Chicago. Stand up comedy. He was not that good at the time it was sort of the dip of the boom it crashed and there was just not a lot of opportunities and so I decided I was going to either move to New York or San Francisco went to New York. It was too much yeah yes ever Cisco and and moved out here and got like a guest set at the punchline comedy club even though I had no business getting one so we so I went to the punch and I got a guest set. We couldn't get a guest Chicago comedy clubs. It was like Oh apparently here. I'm a star moved out here. Not The case but the San Francisco comedy scene is just always turn out great comedians and so when I got here like patent Oswal to just left Dave Chapelle would like come and solve the club. Nobody knew who he was outside of the club. I would just sit in the back and watch all these people like come through and I would like to see all these great comedians and sort of people who are on their way up and like get better in the club. I spent a lot of years trying to figure out what my voice was. I wasn't funny enough just to be a comic who told random jokes. I had to figure out how to be my version of being a comedian and you whoa how did you become kind of politically oriented in your comedy really it was like when Barack Obama's are running for office like suddenly a black guy was in the news every day and the things I was reading where like making me angry and so then I started to talk about it more on stage like that's what I really got like really wanted Bob Dole to win yes. Yes I was so mad. There's a black why don't we come to and my mom was very political in Milton so I had it in my life all all the time I ran away from it but then when that happened I really got like pulled into what would you say. Is Your big break. You do your one man. Show the one seven I basically went overseas with my friend Kevin Avery to do some shows for troops in Okinawa U._S._O.. Tour no not got a good version. This is like a booker who's got some gigs. Okay like it was sort of like this thing. Where like is a local Guy who knew a guy and they would just send you over the gigs? I'm like military bases in Okinawa and they need ninety minutes shows. I mean cavalry is going to do forty five minutes. It's great it's great and it's going to treat you first class and something told me to ask somebody who had done it so I reached out to. Tom Rhodes who had done it. <hes> he's lived in the bay area and he's he's the guy who's played all over the world and I say Tom. How's that GIG? He's like that's the the worst Gig I've ever done like if it's bad for him. We're going to die not to break your fantasy of the U._S._O.. Tour but I've done two of those and it's not really the four seasons either aren't they just excited though well yeah back yeah if you go with Bradley Cooper which I did once. They're very excited to see him. That was my mistake. You didn't bring proper. We were just too famous black boots who were like older than all the guys served in the military and the first night. We were like I'll go first because I want to get it over with and Kevin's like well. I'm going to go up second because I want to see how you do and so then I bomb for forty five minutes and then Kevin went up after me and we were like I was like I think I want to go first every night so I can just get it over with came back going after bombing for a week and Okinawa like is this what I do for a living yeah and so then from that I was like well what would I do if I was famous and I was like I would have a show that was like the daily show but about racism in America and so I couldn't do for that but I rented the Shelton Theater which is right across town and started with a projector doing powerpoint and telling longer stories and jokes the first night Melissa was my girlfriend at the time was holding the project on her lap is it heated up to get a little burn Gullo burn okay so and then that very quickly like the media and local media start talking about me and then like a few years later Chris Rock saw me and that ended up being the big the official big we came to the show yeah. I do the show in new in New York. No I knew a guy who said Chris Rock. I told them about you and he and he's looked you up on the Internet and thinks you're funny but I didn't know who's GonNa show up one night. I think somebody I think maybe somebody knew he might be there but nobody told me which I'm happy about but do the show at U._C.. New York it was great. It was a fun show as well shows. You like really know what I'm doing. I walked backstage and then suddenly like my manager at the time walks back with his look on her face like she'd seen a ghost and I'm like what's wrong with her and then behind her as Chris Rock and I realized Oh she's seeing the ghost of Chris Rock 'cause he's. He's that famous like if you famous people he's an extra level. He is is yeah and so he floats backstage and suddenly you're like talking for a few minutes and he was like he's like he's like where do you live. In San Francisco. Move and Melissa was pregnant the time I think we're kind of embedded for the time being but and then after that he called me like a couple months later and basically from that call he helped me get my first T._v.. Show totally biased on F._X.. On F._X.. And that how does that how does how do you end up on C._N._N.. Based on that show I have to imagine that show like people paid attention to it because Chris was producing it it and we had a couple of things that work but it just never clicked and then it got cancelled but it was this thing where suddenly I was taking all these general meetings and they think you're the wrong Guy Avenue. When punk came out came out when punk cut it out I started did getting meetings at studios and I would say seventy percent of the meetings? The guy would be like. I don't know how you guys doing those stunts. Didn't you get shot with a bulletproof vest on aw that's Johnny Knoxville and I I wasn't on Jackass but this seems to be going. Well Show Yeah Yeah Fuck. I'm lucky to be sitting here. You're going to movie roles for me. That didn't happen but I have taken many pictures where at the end of the picture I was like Oh they think I'm close loved many many many many many many people are showing pictures of me going we met the drummer from the roots and their friends are going. Oh my God filial racist many many many when you go in there you pitch that show to a bunch of places no I this is the thing the first thing that my career after years and years of struggling and like being like bacterias and comedy clubs and nobody whatever CELCOM trying you better like the first few shows Chris sold totally biased at lunch with the head of F._X.. I wasn't even there right of course so this company all three media had sold C._N._N.. A pilot for this show that would be with starring a black comedian for the travel show documentary miniseries. Nobody was attached to it and they were looking for somebody so when I met with C._N._N.. They were like maybe you could do this thing so I was like I don't know maybe and then then I ended up doing it but yeah so I didn't have to like pitch it the first episode if you haven't seen it you you must watch it. You go and you meet with the K._K._k.. Yes a couple of different branches yeah clans of the clan yeah. I talk about the clan kind of a lot Monica hates it because now let me I acknowledge. I'm in a position to be able to laugh at it because I'm not the victim of it so I just let me on that really quick with that said it seems like a bunch of fucking losers playing dungeons and dragons like their names. Just keep getting longer and longer like there's was like the Christian Crucifix Brothers Others of the Klu Klux Klan Chapter Twenty five titles one hundred ten pounds no teeth behind him visits the royal. They're all like the Royal Knights of the honorable that yeah yeah because well because they're making it up. There's not a central organization. That's approving your clan membership right. It's more like a like a club team. You know what I mean like. What are we name? Our Club team Toledo mud hens yeah exactly it's not the pros. Is that the pros of racism it's the it's the semi professional races so yes so when we got the show they're like it's going to be sure about a black guy traveling around to places he he shouldn't go and they were like pitching like the Rodeo Country Club like the Gulf club and I was just like what about the clan yeah if we're GONNA do this. Let's do it at the time. I knew I needed the job but also knew that if it didn't go at least I would have a good story to tell yeah yeah about the time I filled with the clan after F._X.. 'cause there's a lot of effects where I felt like. I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted to do. People who sort of in getting in the way of that because I was new people put me in the position of mediating my voice and I allowed them to because I was new I assumed that people just have my best interest at heart Yup and in show business as you know they don't and I heard you talking about this on Trevor. Noah the first season was just all white people as well. All the crew is why they were. Maybe a couple of color but all the decision makers are white dudes right and when we you did the clan episode they're like well. The clan said we can only bring white people and I was like why are we letting the clan decide yeah like that's weird right but then also we shot seven more episodes and it never changed and so every season I had to like really like Bob up. We need to hire black people and Latinos but up about South Asia and they're like you can hire the crew photo from last <unk> seasons to the first thing is very different because I was like actively beating the drum now. What was your out of ten ten is like you're going to jump out of an airplane without a parachute zeros real soft Swedish massage? Were you actually fearful or were you like Oh. These are Bozos but bose can have guns that goes grow in fact they they did have guns when you showed up. We told them no guns. They had a gun the security guard who was Mexican American but they told the clan he was white which was funny because he clearly it was not a white guy but like sounds good to me. He's clearly put him in a garth Bruce t-shirt. He's a shade lighter than me. They didn't know who security they thought he was but he was like don't worry that that guy is not a used that gun you'll be fine. I was like that doesn't give me confidence. Gomer Pyle's share the I was afraid because I don't know what their plan was. It could have been good reputation as a great opportunity for them to do something Palsy Yeah. So what do we showed up like I got into the car and it's in the episode I walk out and see the failings of clan and like across and I have to walk like about one hundred years to get to them and in the episode I go shit. This isn't a good idea. I wasn't joking. I actually was saying out loud. I didn't realize that is out loud until I saw it like Oh shit. I mean it was the way I say it is like my first day on the job. I met a bunch of crew. I'd never met before first day on the job jitters and I went to a cross burning right so it's like your first day at the new office after work. We're burn about that Cross Bernie. There's Super Christian. I mean depending on your definition of Christianity. I'm only going under self. Declaration declared themselves Christian. Yes it's just weird that they burn the big symbol. Whatever let's not get bogged down and now I guess they call it across lighting? It's not GonNa ask you to defend the logic of realized I thank you. I feel like we just turned the corner but I do think we have a similar stance on this. Some people did accuse you of platforming knows people right yeah but he's all time about like. Are you giving people a platform. I mean first of all a lot of languages come up since trump's election the whole idea of you can people platform for me. Here's the thing I respect the fact act that if you're watching me talk to the clan and your person who actually knows history that it doesn't mean anything to you because you like of course of the clan exists and so a lot of black people are like why are you putting the clams <unk> exists but at the same time I'm getting all this information all this sort of feedback from white people and other people we're like I had no idea and so every episode sort of two different conversation the in house conversation and the outhouse conversation and again you watch America history acts at Norton looks pretty sweet there at the beginning. He's jacked looks great and boxer shorts sports. You're like looks pretty good then you see the real life clan. You're like where's that Oh ed. Norton's don't join this organization because it's a bunch of Bozo's that didn't know dungeons and dragons was a game they could've just played but but but that in this city in particular and I find myself and Monica gets mad at me because again I ended up being a little more vocally critical of the left because I'm on the left and I feel like lecturing to the right will never get me anything. I don't think it's my job to steer the right. I don't think any sway over the right. I think I have a Monaco sway over some people that were kind of already on a similar page and so I feel like let's get both motherfuckers on a podium and see who's got the best idea. That's how we decide what the best ideas but this city in particular Berkeley in particular has been Berkeley's awesome. I will say only school better than U._C._l._A. L._A.. I'm nervous about them deciding which people can be heard in which people can't but you have a slightly different opinions so I want you to educate me on why you can only choose if you're educated by what I say. I can educate you myself you. I think you just Kung food me was the line of David Carney is knows more morpheus from the Matrix kung-fu Jason so I think when we talk about Berkeley we're talking about like Berkley like not letting certain people speak. There's not like this sort of like. It's this this or this so Berkeley with which I lived in Berkeley. The time is was a school that was like when this person comes violence comes with this person right whether this person is bringing it themselves or whether this person is encouraging it like Ann Coulter apparently spoke Berkeley before and nothing happened but when it became a thing where Ann Coulter was sort of playing alright thing we'll now this is different and so for me. It's like at the end of the day. It's a school that has students that they don't want to die yeah and so so it's not like it's just a stage a blank place. It's a public institution and to school that has also figure out like well. When these people come we have to pay for all this resources more cops and you know Atlanta just like this happen so for me like people act like these schools are just sort of these blank white canvases when every school there for different reason at day? They're there to educate their students. Does it do teaches at Berkeley in the law school John Woo who wrote the George W Bush torture memos he teaches there right now but guess what there's it's not a riot breaking out every time he gives a lecture so he teaches there so we're not talking about just different voices. I mean because all the schools have more conservatives than you realize. It's about the fact that there's a certain brand of things that's been identified as conservatism that is actually much more more trolling is actually like putting forth conservative ideas. Yeah I mean I'm of the opinion that both parties have pretty much been hijacked by about five percent on the far ends of the shoulders to some degree like the ship that you're reading on twitter that then becomes a headline. That's not any of us who's hijacked. I mean I'm not I'm not asking in a leading way but whose which voices are you talking about have hijacked the left. I guess is my question. The people that would say your platforming and aiding in spreading not mclamb that tweets going to get picked up people want to write that about your show more than they wanna write what ninety seven percent of people said about your show which is the nature of click media that whatever is the craziest proposition is the one that's going to attract. I feel like those voices voices that are leading the left. Those voices are people who are pursuing clicks like I don't see those voices being actually the leadership of the left. I see those as being media voices and people who are like oh I know how to frame this in a way that will get me clicks the people who are leading the left or the people in power our who have the money who don't have an interest. I don't think a lot of times in progressive chains. They have an interest in keeping their jobs now having this show how how has that changed your life so here's the. The thing that's great because it's C._N._N.. Sort of ubiquitous network I didn't grow up as a kid watching Saturday night live going. I hope to when they get a show on the Cable News Network. You Dan I didn't I didn't and so when I first came to me with the idea of like doing this pilot on C._N._N.. The only thing that made it makes sense to me was that there were shows like boarding and micro and Morgan spurlock and Lisa Ling but I still was like it's sort of weird that I'd be on C._N._N.. But the great thing about is even if you hate it you end up being in an airport looking at it. Oh Yeah Yeah Yeah. That's the most unintentional attentional probably consume so much C._N._N.. That I never intended to and I love it being in a place where you're like so I've seen people send me pictures on twitter. People like standing at Gates at airports like looking at me talking to the clan like so so it's a big megaphone to speak from which I appreciate I feel like every season the show get sharper and smarter and people resonate with it and I hear from people all the time that like Families Watch together teachers use it in their classes. I didn't intend it for that but people really connect with the ideas he is and it's also this great thing that I feel like. I don't know that I could have a lot of other jobs in show business. Which is why I'm not trying to get into Quinton Tarantino movie okay because I just don't think I don't think I'm an actor? I'm not an actor. I see it but go ahead so I think like this is basically the only job of of being on T._v.. Regularly that I could have where you live in a perfect era where niche is clear now which is like the greatest thing ever no. I don't think I would have the career I had if not for being in the twenty first century. I'm really proud of the work I do. I'm proud of my kids know about the work. I do watch the show because they're pretty bored by it. But what do they won three. What did you say one eight four and a half and almost one okay an all girls? We only make girl all girls club. They're the the best stars everyday that I don't have any boy. Yeah get punched out when someone's eighteen you would just prefer to be quietly shunned. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah you wrote in your book that you are grateful that you don't have boys because there's a conversation that you would not want to have with boys. So when I said I was grateful I didn't have a boy was the idea of having to have the conversation that my mom had with me when I was like ten now that your ten in your black boy you're basically a man yes so this is super fascinating. I'm interested in like what is the undercurrent of a lot of the racism again as you pointed out there's so many layers to but I definitely think one one of the things is that many white men feel emasculated by black men. There's a weird masculinity thing going on and it all goes back to slavery and the fact that black people had to be seen as less than human in order for you to make them into slaves because you are Christian yet they have to be the ultimate other and at the same time you need them to be big and strong and strapping and you need to do work so you need a ten year old to be working in the field even though he's ten because he's not a kid he's a piece of farm machinery scenery at the same time then it becomes this thing about while these people are like doing physical Labor and God and my wife and suddenly it becomes this thing where it's like. I can't treat you like a person because you need to be a piece of farm equipment and so then it becomes about emasculating regulating this big strong physical person and making the women feel like their property because you can't connect to their humanity and then that goes to reconstruction and Jim Crow and black lives matter and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon and a little boy blue the man so it's it's all coming home Kumala. I don't know when we'll get together dead now. We'll have a good time so your mother sat you down. She said listen you're ten years old but that's not how you know what happened with thing I remember is we went to we were in Boston where the racism is as we talk therapy and Tangy we go to like a like kind of drugstore where I would go to buy like a crack magazine and a candy bar. I'm at the age where I live close enough where I might go out by myself to do it and so she's like when you come into a store like this. You have to make sure that you only touch things that you're going to actually buy you. Don't shop with your hands. You don't pick things up and put them down. You have to only touch things you actually want want and this guy was looking at us. That's a store detective. He's going to follow you around the store. He's looking over like me. I just happened to be standing here. He's GonNa follow you around the store. Be Aware where your hands are at all times and when you walk out make sure you've paid paid for everything. Don't accidentally take something because it could end up badly for you right in. What is your when you hear that? Do you think well this is bullshit or do you go. Oh this is just life on planet earth. There's a little bit like my mom's making a big a lot of nothing and then when I was fifteen I was literally like thrown out of a record store because I'd been hanging out too long and they were tired of seeing me in there well in their defense. You also were buying a creed album. That's true that's true and I it was singing it while I bought it so like and then there's been things in my life where you know my mom knew she was talking about and I'm glad. She told me they sucked but I had been prepared for them. I have daughters. I can already see see this conversation coming down the road. which is I don't ever WANNA? Be Victim Blaming right. I don't want to insinuate that it's their responsibility to not have a guy rape them dudes responsibility to act like human with all that said I also need to tell them the reality of the world we live in like I read Missoula by Krakauer studies like fifty cases at Missoula everyone of those cases everyone's blackout drunk like that's a reality yeah like I need to say that to my daughter's like hey unfortunately this is the world we live in. Unfortunately this often happens when everyone's fucking annihilated and yet that's a weird conversation to have with my daughters again. I don't think it's their responsibility to not get raped. I think this guy's responsibly not to rape girls and yet I need to educate them on the world they live in but I think those things go hand in hand. Just like you want to teach your kids how to read you. Don't you can walk onto the world like not knowing how to read because reading helps you get through the world. It's this was my daughter's like I want to teach them how to be better best arm to navigate the world right and part of that is like making sure that you try to put yourself in the best position to succeed at all times yeah. Here's how you do an arm bar. Keep a knife in your shoe. You know what I mean like. You know you can go to your knuckles and you know here's how you throw a punch. I feel like all these things and also when bad things happen. It's not your fault. The world can do bad things. I think those things can exist at the same time. That's the thing about raising the boy that Mike and I here's the thing I just don't feel like I was. I don't know how to do the boy fit like I didn't grow up. I'm not the tip. I can't tell you all the boys shit because I don't know all the boys shit yeah whereas I know enough of the boys to tell my daughter's like here's the boy shit. You know what I mean like Ajello so bet your ass. They'll fuck you. Yes I feel like I'm I like being a double agent and turning against the due amount doesn't know I fucked Jello but anyways Fuck Jello. Now's on us about it but ain't good for you yeah. I didn't want to leave you behind. I appreciate that it didn't work out. It turned cool eight immediately. Then I gotTa rash and thought I had venereal disease. I went to a free clinic and got a boner in the woman's face when she told me what flavor Jello she liked. You're all caught up the cliff notes. Yeah Sorry Janet. I know your mom's still here. That's actually what I want to talk about. Last Jello Rashes which what your favorite Jello Labor is the to have sex with he we stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break armchair expert is brought to you in part by native they create safe eight simple effective products Monica. I saw lathered it on my pits today because of the odorant I'm using the native deodorant very hard to find good deodorant to the is that isn't chocked full of a bunch of crazy chemicals and so I- slathered on the pits and I I did a real gruesome workout today. I didn't shower afterwards rose but sorry but anyways do I smell it all came and smell you. I smell beautiful because coconut vanilla which is my favorite scent is <hes> emanating from my pits and I really am enjoying it. They have fewer simpler ingredients so you know everything that's in there deodorant because aluminum which is a lot of deanna per sprints aluminium aluminium. You know maybe linked some serious. Health ramifications native is price at a slight premium when compared conventional deodorants but it is safe and effective native comes in a wide variety of enticing sense for men and women Oh plus they released new limited edition seasonal sense throughout the year love limited edition. It's got no Talq. It's I've got no parabens. It's got no Minium for twenty percent off your first purchase visit native Deodorant Dot Com and use Promo code DAX during checkout. That's twenty percents off your first purchase by visiting NATIVE DEODORANT DOT COM and use Promo Romo Kodak's during checkout so you brought your sweet mother Janet with you tonight and I can tell immediately bring Janet a lot of places Oh yeah we moved her out here a little while ago because she living in Bloomington Indiana this is the show James. I'm able to move my mom closer to grandkids. That's that's important yeah ause raised by a single mother as well. My mom won't be with me tomorrow night and Seattle and she live with me for four months this year and she's my number. One girl and I attribute anything. That's good in me to my mom. In the more. I embraced the stuff. She taught me the better I do in life and the more people like me you love me. What did you get from? Are you grateful for that. I'm not grateful for my mom in any way we ask her to step out for them. I mean I'm glad you brought this up. I've been trying to tell her for a long time. I know my mom certainly when I was a kid. I was very comfortable saying that my mom was my best friend even at an age where it felt like that's weird beggar to prom it wasn't inappropriate. Have your daughters to marry them yet. No they haven't asked me to marry them yet. I guess relationship isn't as good as mine is with my daughters. Can you explain to me how to get my daughters to propose to me decks my six year old when she was three. We went to a wedding and we were walking up and the people who are getting remarried. She said that she wanted to marry me. That was great but my four year old my youngest top that the other night because she said daddy will you divorce Mommy and Mary me and I was like soon as she records frozen three and we get that money we just need one more frozen and you and I are Outta here. I just picture your wife coming home from like well. That was a rap on frozen. The three and you have all your bags packed. Oh it's a wrap on more than frozen three honey. Yes so I guess so you would go. Are you leaving in. I would go let me answer that question with another question. Is there going to be a frozen four so yeah. My mom was very much encouraging me to dance video and drummer. She just sort of always. Let me believe that things as we're going to work out. If I just sort of pursue the things I wanted to pursue. She also wanted me to learn how to read but like what I dropped out of college. There wasn't a sense of like Oh no where my dad was like well. You don't fucked up now boy whereas my mom was like she actually signed me up for classes at second city because she was like you always wanted to do this. Let's do this. You know what I mean so. I don't think she thought necessarily where I am now but she did think you're smart enough to figure something out. It's important that you pursue things you want to pursue because I think she spent a lot of her time in her early. Life like not pursuing things pursuit of doing what she felt like she had to do like when she was like she grew up in Indianapolis and my mom is old enough where it's separate but unequal and all sorts of things that were awful so she had to do a lot of things just to get by that by the time she had me later in life at at that point she was thirty five which now is like prime kid years but she's like made a choice to have a kid and was very clear about the fact that I want you to be able to do whatever you want to do and not without pressure for me because she felt a lot of pressure from her family to do the right thing all the time yeah yeah and she will totally appreciate that applause from now. I can tell one other thing we have in common my my mom. She's a gangster and I am so grateful to her. In so many ways at the top of that list is I then was attracted to people who were also opinionated in strong motivated evaded in driven and all these things so I ended up with a carbon copy of my mom and younger and prettier. I'm attracted to her sexually. I'm weirdly grateful that that was the woman that I I loved and that that's yes who ended up as a as a partner and then you find that that kind of drove you found yeah I pick my mom's greatest compliment to anyone is that you remind me of me so my mom told Melissa like you remind me of me now. Nobody's nobody's wife wants to be thought of as a replacement for their husbands mom you know what I mean but but she gets the idea the Melissa certainly strong willed she's accomplished. She's when we started dating we were like thought of is like sort of a power couple but now because of fame and nonsense is that people are often is like Oh. You're the white wife. Do we cover that. My wife White so Melissa is like she's got a p._H._d.. In critical Dan study she's got an M._F._a.. And Experimental Dance Choreography you know she teaches at U._S._F.. Here in the city she's a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle so she's doing a lot of things well. I think your wife and I think you're lovely mother. I think my mom and I think all the women that have helped make us not pieces of Shit. It's very easy for us to be that way. Yes to remind is what we're leaning into pieces of territory and going like Oh. We have one thread that has not been tied. Why don't you have a driver's license? Oh my God I've been thinking about it. All night. Suspicious Melissa's so excited right now. She's over there. During now I had a driver's license. When I turned sixteen? I lived in Chicago my friends. I'll have driver's licenses as we covered earlier. I didn't date data lot so I didn't have to take ladies out okay so excited to go get that Nintendo. You're borrowing. I walked through the video store both uphill both ways and I just and so my driver's license lapsed. I never got comfortable driving moved out to the bay area. I don't know if you've heard of Union Bart but we have those things out here. Herod of it and then my license expired and I just started getting stayed I._D.'s and then I never really got comfortable in the wheel and then people are always like there's no bus that goes over there like whenever you're trying to go someplace and I'm like do you realize that poor people have to go clean all these houses. There's always a bus line that goes somewhere. It's not always convenient. I would like land in L._A.. I would like take the train to union station because most was at U._C.. Riverside I take the train station. I would take the <unk> subway in L.. A. Then transfer to a bus late to go have meetings general meeting and turn around and go directly back. You only had a week off exactly yes to three and a half like they need to be validated. No I still got my transfer. You know so I'm a big fan of public the transportation all right but it also it's like one of the things that me and most are not GonNa talk show about my driver's license because you guys kept bringing it up so thanks for that. It's never too late. I don't really you want one. We'd like to see you get it but it doesn't have to happen tonight Kamau. Thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having a huge of you padme in my soul mate you guys such an honor to be in front of y'all. Thank you so much before the fact check. We want you to check out some music from Matt Nathanson who is a part of the live experience in San Francisco Cisco and we were delighted to have them. We want you to hear one of the songs that he played for us. He's performing used to be from his album sings. His sad heart out everywhere now still got the same own still jazz car you hey still fighting with my father still stay out to the still. Leave the back door open still let the dog escaping. Maybe deep down hope uh-huh comeback to yell at me like you used to do and you just too stubborn full slave in the past we were young and we were <music>. Your friends your friends Andy Swimming in close in the beach was goes midnight on New Year's Eve and if you have in trouble hold in on the memory got a king size is bad and a p._H._d.. In the way you got a king size bed in a p._H._d.. In the way used to be and when you write your movie autobiography. A carriage the sweetest details feel free to call on me and right how a major Shiv the ground underneath a shock. The devil is in the details. He and I got a real good like we used to just stubborn full who's living in the past and we were all golf swimming innocuous from the beach musk rose midnight or lose and if you have trouble bay hold in on the memory gotta king size bed and a not H._d.. got a king size bed in a p._H._d.. In the way used to be uh you know at saint in his students but if you have hold in on the memory got accused as bad in a p._H._d.. In the way it used to be swear we know your friends fans in swimming in those repeats most those midnight on news trouble baby hold in the memory. Lori got a king size bed in a p._H._d.. Roy used to friends of friends. Closing the beach was close midnight on New Year's Eve any trouble baby. The memory got a king size bed in a p._H._d.. Annoying you got a king size bed in a p._H._d.. In the way used to be now my favorite favorite part of the show the fact check with my soul mate and Monica Padma N- fact check back again. Check it directive. Let's begin. I want to say before we launch into this because usually we have an interim Monica shared and and <hes> I would feel terrible if I didn't say what W.. Kamau bell had out in the marketplace. He has a great book. The awkward thoughts W. Kamau Bell he also has a Netflix Special Private School Negro. Check that on a Netflix and then his C._N._N.. Show which we talked about a lot <hes> during the podcast united shades of America season four on C._N._N.. Just ended unfortunately but you can check it out. We bought it on Itunes Yeah when we wanted to listen strange yeah. It's really fun. Show such a unique perspective yeah yeah he interacts with people's very disarming yeah liked him a lot. We like them tall gentlemen tallest. I've ever seen well now. That's GonNa check that fact. K. Jess come out is six four according to his bulls right injustice six six so too tall inches taller. I actually think justice six five because we've had this conversation recently where he he says he feels like he's six six. We think he's six six but when he measures at the doctor at six five okay well that's pretty definitive when you measure at the doctor but also Conan O'Brien was in here and he is a sex couples got like four inches of hair to oh. Oh good good point. Maybe oh this goes into urine is debate about your height or the opposite because he has the same color hair as me it is it's really opposite. Maybe if yours was jagged at the top of it made a jagged outline shot straight up yours goes back flat against the has a lot of volume. How dare you will it does have volume but it does follow the contour of your varietals and you don't do your bangs like if you blew your bangs out like when I was in eighth grade uh-huh you might look five five although I think that would just be out like a visor no no no you gotta go up real high up there? I'll show you some pictures arena him and I'm a yearbook. Oh yeah she's your hottest girlfriend. I don't want to brank. The People's hotness is all you do is all you do is rank hotness. You are always calling people a ten or a two or something like that one on one. I only say people's number. If it's really high I only so I only keep a positive. I've never come on your call someone a to maybe I'll leave it to listeners to tell me 'cause I can't remember remember that they might want to just get excited for a second I now see that you've found your other flipflops. Whatever that's called slipper sandal what's off when I found one of them in errant Sandal deck as we were leaving the house from our vacation? Yeah we're back in Los Angeles everybody everybody Nixon. It's sad waltz mix for me. I do love this studio. I love being in the space. I'm already excited just to be in hearing in that's A. B.. I hate it here. I want to be back on that way hated the world. It's stinks in here so yes. We're back. What a trip we had a trip? It's a real eat in over there on Western Lake Michigan coastline. I wonder if people like hearing about our vacation or if they're like okay we we get it. You had a fun vacation the ladder yeah I think maybe yeah but isn't in a form of expressing gratitude. I'm expressing gratitude quarrel very lucky to have been on that trip and in the Eden only were on the beach catch. You said I don't like anything you've said on here as well and I've already said on here after you said that that I don't find that to be helpful to me to hear and then he said it again <hes> because you called me a sex Chinchilla right times that's right a couple of times and I said Hey I don't like that and use it. You don't like anything Oh that's. That's not exactly what what happened. We started listing many many animals that we were all sitting around in a circle. Doing what are animal totems could be so. We're guessing in every guest that we had for you. You didn't like no yeah and I said she doesn't. She's not going to like any of the animals we compared to. That's totally not what happened at all. Oh that's how I remember it. What animals do people say that? I didn't like. I said a I don't know I said a Fox at one point is we're just GONNA have different I get I said a Fox News. Fox makes sense. That's always said about me being an animal totem animal. I think you were telling the story about sex Chinchilla. You told the story and then we were done telling that story and then we were playing cards and then you said it you called me and then I said I don't like that and you said you don't like anything. Oh can. I said why don't like that and then you laughed that was funny that was appropriate time to laugh but a keeps coming up and it bothers me okay. I'm sorry it feels like no matter what Animal Mo we guess for you. It's a pass okay. You can't even tell me one of the animals that you're talking about g animals. I said Kuala Bear. I said I would never have said you. I don't like that. That's totally really fine. Yes at bad I don't know I don't think it's bad no one called me. You're you are mistaken. I think I would have been interested to hear all the animals people thought I was no one said anything. After we talked about Fox Knox <hes> and then section show was own thing standalone the exact same time during the same conversation it was during the same day but it was not the same conversation and it's fine. I just WanNa know I mean. I don't think you were talking about just the animals I well. My real opinion of you is no matter what animal all say you'll try to think of the worst thing about that like I don't understand your huge objection the sex Chinchilla Chila. I really don't into Super Cute animal in your disgusted by it so I think that you no matter what I say is the negative and I do think that I think you're trying to find a negative whatever animal by talking about specifically in animal conversation are you talking about in life. I'm talking about all things. Were your assessment of your your physical attraction is potentially in the argument completely delusional about how you look and then I think when we talk about anything related to how you look that you're trying to turn it into something negative and I I do have that opinion of you. Okay that's fine that you have that opinion and that could be true. That probably is true but I guess my question is if you know that something is going to trigger me feeling feeling bad about myself. Why would you say why often don't know until you react then? I'm reminded of it when I'm just calling you a sex panther or a sexton chiller anything. I'm not okay well. Sex Panther is not the same a section Chila. No one called me a sex panther and I got upset about that well. I'd have to go back and listen but I do believe that I said what if Matt and Ben called you a sex panther sexton. Can you help me. You know I know Oh you're sitting over there and you know sex. Panthers brought up from Anchorman writing about me no sex TARAF and then texture after look him up for you yeah no good animal that people want ought to be considered was brought up for me which is fine to go back and listen. I'm not going to concede that. I think tried on a bunch of names I okay and then I think sex Chinchilla was the funniest in it hurt your feelings and I think it's so obviously means nothing. Whether we call you a sex Chinchilla sex leopard or a sex slide it does though no it's so preposterous we are arguing whether or not Riana can be called a sex draft already starts off as Cuba's Converse of course should Rana be upset that I'm seeing a sex giraffe if I called U._S._X.. Draft would you be upset. I think you would think whatever animal I would say to you would upset you and you're trying to make an objective claim about what what animal is sexy or not but I started with calling someone I think very sexy a sex giraffe yeah which no woman's really necessarily dying to be confused with Giraffe so it just to me it started on a preposterous premise and then my call you is sex Chinchilla. It's just funny and I understand your feelings. Were and I'm sorry that they were but for me. It was funny from the get-go and it was never an evaluation of your actual looks or what animal you resemble and so I think we have different sensitivities to that. We have different sensitivities in general <hes> and I'm just saying that I don't think and maybe I'm wrong about this and you can tell me if because if I'm doing it I really want to stop. I think I do have fairly good job of not trying to exacerbate your sensitivities. You must because you never anger me or hurt my feelings except for when you've been a happy when I've lost that's the only brought that up yeah. I just thought I will bring that up. 'cause it felt more like a broad a painting with a pretty wide brush of my personality that I don't like anything and I don't find that to be true at all. No I just meant what the animals like a lot of stuff rectangle sandwiches <hes> album square sandwiches his round sandwiches even had a <hes> a long skinny sandwich at Lafayette Coney Island Wall Nice Sandwich we call that we according day Andrew Zimmer N- he maintains that it's sandwich anything between bread I guess he had some strong opinions about cookies and crackers and sandwiches. I agreed with him. He said well someone in our Q. In a in Minneapolis mast is eh animal cracker a cracker or cookie and he felt very strongly was a cookie fast enough. Yeah I agree age it is. I don't even think anyone's really on the cracker side of the debate. Have you ever met anyone like you know my favorite aver crackers are crackers and cheese animal crack <hes> again animal crackers in a sharp sharp Cheddar is my favorite. Maybe the kids would say that to get away with getting some free cookie absolutely angling to get a box cookies. I bet I wonder when they created that product they were we can't call him animal cookies because parents won't buy their kids McKee's hunter just cracker. It says it on the bucks dance eighties who had their weekly fifteen fifteen minutes of watching the kids got Ogilvy bathroom shame downstairs and there's like six empty boxes animal crackers on on their crackers it came from England where they call cookies biscuits or crackers. That makes a little bit of sense. I do remember having a real laugh when Aaron and bulletin deny were in Venice Italy on our little European Paean adventure and we had an English roommate in our hostile in he was sharing his chocolate digestive biscuits with us. We're plugging delicious and they were cookies. They're just cookies and and we thought what an unappetizing description ever called digest this chocolate digestive biscuits and all day weekly like God damn I can really go for some more I just want to unwrap the paper and they're twenty or thirty digestive biscuits slathered in chocolate and they were fucking yummy name anyone in the mood for digestive biscuits no thing pass. I think I'll just stick with water. I think animal McGregor should have gone the whole way in called the animal digestive biscuits not only. Do you think there's something medicinal for your lowered gastrointestinal track but you also think they're specifically engineered in made for animals <music> animal digestive biscuits. I wasn't that selling something you give a horse at so win win blockage. I'll see you probably would only eat two of those because you'd be afraid to eat too many blow your calling yeah diarrhea explosion explosion explosion although raccoons diarrhea raccoon. I wonder how that raccoon is. I miss him. You do well when someone honest re is on my steps. I don't miss them okay well. That's you okay Kumo so he said Mobile Alabama's the birthplace of Mardi gras. <hes> that is true. Oh congratulations mobile before New Orleans there was mobile Alabama. The birthplace of Mardi Gras America mobile founded by Roman Catholics from France in seventeen to was home to the first mystic society which held America's first Mardi gras celebration in seventeen o four fourteen years before New Orleans was even founded <hes> pretty New Orleans they really they kind of stolen mobiles thunder with Mardi Gras kind of took it over stole it trying to think of appropriate brand that did that like Pepsi. Well no 'cause coke still deriving yeah. I was thinking more like Kleenex <music> as Iraq's. Someone probably made a copy for Xerox. Did Oh yeah that's true all of a sudden everyone just calls it. A Xerox Machine folks at Packbell or whoever might have been in that racket early Hammett. We fucking can invented that thing. I guess it's all in the name. This is a theme in this fact. Check me is he everything we can. I'm digestive biscuits. We did get into some oreos on the trip like despoil ourselves black and white digestive take care to toned justice gets by Oriole. Oh and we learn the whole history of Orioles. We had a little debate airport right. I was very wrong very very wrong. We were saying how old are oriented and I guest one hundred years years ago. And what did I guess I was bright. You said something like nine thousand nine hundred and I was like no way the technology to make those digestive biscuits couldn't have existed before nineteen sixty. I'm just imagining it being like an injection moles fireball. Yeah and it and it turns out it was pre nineteen hundred March six nineteen twelve o nine thousand nine hundred twelve got wrong again. I can't get a hundred and seven years old. I can commit to that. We Love Oreos. They sponsor us. You know melk makes a great companion piece to oreo digestive biscuit perfect companion pete well. I probably shouldn't well. Milk's not gonNA sponsor us so it's fine. It's not good for your body well for certain ethnicities for sure yeah. I think a lot of people are lactose. Anti are the stats are there ninety plus percent for Asians Yeah and that's me seventy five percent for African American. Let about Caucasian well it varies whether they had a turning population or not celtics in Irish and all them they they did a lot of hurting but mostly like or the you see the lowest percentage is in the Middle East because the bedouins have been hurrying those cattle remember. I said that didn't make much sense to me me about Asians because like an India. There's so much yogurt consumption Indians are Asian so I don't agree on this so it's confusing as to why Indians pins and Asians would have lactose intolerance well the Asians and I'm talking now mainland China Mongolia Japan. They didn't hurt animals. They were growing. Rice is their main subsistence model auteuil. Yes so it's just how long you've been hurting. Yeah still a mystery with the yogurt. It is confusing. Although does the lactose go away in that process somehow because I've not seen lactose free yogurt but I think no because you can get like two percent yogurt right yeah. Most yogurt is Z. could skim right but that would still have lactose yeah. That's what I mean so yeah so it must have it yeah for sure but I've never seen lactose Free Yogurt which leads me to believe that somehow there's not lactose in Yoga. I'll look it up for next time okay next year. It'll be a mystery so Kamau's mom asked you. If you knew about the Mau Mau <hes> you said no and then she said shame on you that's right. It is a militant African nationalist movement that originated in the nineteen fifties among the Kiki you people of Kenya sorry famous pronounce that sorry the Mau Mau origin of the name is uncertain advocated violent resistance to British domination in Kenya. The movement was especially associated with the ritual oats employed by leaders of the kick Q. U.. Central Association to Promote Unity in the independence movement in Nineteen fifty the Mau Mau were banned by British authorities in October nineteen fifty two after a campaign of sabotage and assassination attributed to Mao terrorists. The British Kenya government declared a state of emergency and began for years years of Military Operations Against Kiki. You rebels by the end of Nineteen fifty-six. More than eleven thousand rebels have been killed in the fighting along with about one hundred Europeans in two thousand African loyalists more than twenty thousand other Kiki. You were we're putting detention. Camps or intensive efforts were made to convert them to the political views of the government. I e abandoned their nationalist aspirations. What do you think about passive versus violent resistance peaceful verses so what's interesting seen as I am a big proponent of peaceful as a my protests in I think we have some historical evidence that it can be incredibly affect powerful? I E Gandhi yes Martin Luther King <hes> and at the same same time I can say I would have an possible time accepting that if I was being put upon by the man I can't imagine I wouldn't fight back or feel like I have a right to fight back if you're using violence. I feel like I can respond with violence so it's very complicated. I totally understand that too. I understand the mentality of it. I don't think it's helpful. Yeah I think ultimately what turns tides is generally seen humans human yeah like the footage of the fire your hoses in the south and the beatings those were the things that people I think we're like Oh my goodness where monsters look what we're allowing yeah. I like a bunch of people kick the man's ass on T._v.. US Not incredibly sympathetic to them. You know exactly it will it also feels like okay. We'll you're doing the same thing so it's not my responsibility that proved you. I'm human by getting my ass kicked on T._v.. Right legit comeback yeah yeah also. There's been examples of violence working the the I._R._A.. Republic Army that seemed to bring negotiations and peace talks to the table. I think that somehow is effective. I don't Ooh I mean also warez. Violent wars horrendously violent Kumail majored in East Asian Studies of course and so then I did a little research on East Asian Studies that does not include India by the way yes it is. Oh Shit so actually East Asian. I don't know it shouldn't it probably doesn't yeah but it's labeled specifically East Asian to get rid of the Indians out of it probably gonNA trouble w within the Indus Valley bullshit any of that what's confusing Tuesday usage when people regularly called native Americans Indians the way to distinguish was to say east Indian as opposed to American Indian yeah. That's what I said right so you're we're getting this word East in there was married to permanently. I don't like it because it's really the western edge of Asia. It's very eastern even consider well again. It's east of Europe but it's very much west of China in <hes> okay. It's still it's still generally ease. I don't WANNA I don't WanNa totally it's in the eastern. No rats real you got your your charge right. There was plugged that brick in meanwhile your computer boots up so you spent almost two straight weeks with Aaron weekly my best friend now inkling. I did enjoy horse of father and son together was he's so great he is. He's a fun person. I like him a lie. He's always laughing and smiling as a great laugh he does in really funny farts too although the one you decided they've gotten a little his. He's a little looser back. He's grown up yeah. Zane is I only had one fart. I think right and it wasn't what I was hoping for. It wasn't the one described in junior high girl so it was cute cute huterer yeah than an average Fart. It was a little higher than the rate is high. Yes Oh yeah you guys really have fun together very sweet. Oh no son annoying yeah. You guys talked about how hot you wanted your coffee coffee at Dairy Queen for ten minutes. I wasn't at the table. You're at but I could hear this. Outrageous laughter did so much. It hurt my stomach in a way that it hasn't hurt my stomach in addictive laughing yeah yeah our whole thing was we. We want the coffee so hot. It's got to be so hot the coffee we want to the point where we wanna pull up those a welcome dairy Queen GonNa Take Your GonNa pull up to the window just be right up and then we pumped we hand them. A binder in the binder is gloves for them to handle the coffee eventually once they get a hot now and then a laminated instruction hot enough so we wanted to be so hot that we can't handle whatever you don't hand me the coffee. I pull the truck up tailgate. You'll put it in the tailgate with the glove now. My question isn't about the coffee it's it's about. Do you think something just gets heightened because it's you to like. I think if you so you started going down this rabbit hole with me or charlie perfect and Charlier even like Ryan like you'd laugh but it would not do what's happening with the there's a strain of absurd that he and I like it like it's the same every time it's like we'll start talking about what it should say car sales at the more barring the example could be the funnier it is and it just keeps building and building see this money to the new Chevy Chevy volt has four door handles build on the most that could be in this ad just doesn't end yeah yeah. I think it's funny. I think thank you like the thing you're talking about but I think there's an added thing happening even if the conversation were exactly verbatim with another person wonder I don't think it would be the same result. Maybe not yeah maybe not cool so far me back to East Asia Harvard awards the most degrees in East Asian Studies in the United States <hes> but Kalamazoo College in Michigan Golic Kalamazoo Gazette the name of the city he knows kangaroo. It sounds like literally clown college and by the way Kalamazoo is a great place. Nothing bad about Kalamazoo now if I told you like I did you know that they opened up a zoo and it's only Kangaroos and you go. What's the name of it and I go Kalamazoo you all that makes perfect zaps resist Kangaroo Kalamazoo kangaroos welcome to Count Kalamazoo kangaroos zoo well? It's tricky because it's Kalama Zu Zu there so it'd be twos yeah. The calendar means to know know if it was Kalamazoo. Zuzu chooses there will be twos was like a native American originally which likely not east Indian no-no knows native American because we have a lot of native American towns in. I'm in Michigan after native. I think Sheboygan is gone. I don't Kalamazoo sounds like it may be. It is yeah twos there and it just means Navajo to zoo Kalama aw to anyway Kalamazoo Kalamazoo College and Smith College have the highest percentage of degrees awarded in East Asian Studies. <hes> is percentage but not the highest amount that's harbor. Okay Okay Okay more about East Asian Studies seven hundred and twenty two total degrees were awarded in two thousand sixteen. That's it yeah nationally. I think so god God so maybe Harvard's leading the pack with like thirty five sixty exactly that puts Kamau in a very <hes> puts them in a very exclusive club does but he did drop out oh good so he does not have a degree for probably is even a more exclusive club club of people who majored in it and dropped out of it. I don't know though because it kind of seems like maybe a lot of people who would pick that would drop out. I think a lot of people drop up because they get there and they're like no India wait. I thought that Yup I think there's a lot of confusion unusual about what constitutes East Asia eighty percent China so Kamau said that he started his political comedy when Obama was running for president and he said he was getting angry about stuff and then you made a joke. You said why you Wanna Bob Dole to win. Okay Yeah but Bob Dole was not running against Obama Ono he was Kane Kane. ooh The no the second time no yeah she dole with Clinton Okay Bob Dole I have of course voted for Hillary Clinton share. I didn't joy Dole on the campaign trail. He was very likable. I think he went on Saturday night live and stuff and he always pen in his hand. Yeah it was so young very nothing. No there was something I don't think he does start a rumor. That Bob Dole has tremors okay. Hey moving on anyway no actually not moving on because I was in I think fourth grade during that election and we we were just chew it. Oh God I forgot forgot about me so phony yeah started chilling feeling mccombs as as an add things Marcona digestive snack anyway fourth grade and we were learning about elections and I remember remember we were given which I wish they would do this now. I wonder if they do in schools or they basically give you a questionnaire and you have to answer questions about what you think and at the end of basely tells you if you're about what can or a Democrat or a libertarian yeah and who you should vote for Clinton was my guess right after it was filling it out. That's what I received on my questionnaire but I didn't want it to be Clinton. I wanted it to be Bob Dole because I was in Georgia Oh and he from Jim Jordan now. This is the Republican candidate and so most people want to Bob Dole to win there than I wanna Bob Dole twin okay. Oh Wow so. I wanted to be like everybody but I didn't really because according to my questionnaire I wanted Clinton to the web. Oh interesting so you went into it. Thinking you're going to land on Bob. Dole is desperate to or two and then he landed on Clinton. Wow we just listened to a podcast which you can remember it was on stuff. You should know it was about the fairness act then what's called fairness doctrine and you know it's interesting I can see the validity of both sides for sure so basically that's <hes> radio became popular and there was a finite amount of stations <hes> bandwith available they had to get the government in there to control it so just didn't monopolized by one voice in this information being spread so they made all these rules you gonNA present a point you have to present the counterpoint and I was like I like that that's and it really is a very fundamental conservative. Love Liberal debate because it's does the individual have liberty in First Amendment rights or should we curb those rights for the betterment of the whole population and what's interesting is like I can't say that I'm one or the other there are debates where I'm on one side of it and there's other debates were on the other side of it and it's kind of like just a a pendulum for me that swinging in some situations some context it seems I I lean liberal in that way like I think ultimately not yet. The betterment of the masses on some cases is definitely worth whatever for individuals wanted to monopolize the radio bandwidth but then there'll be another argument where I'm like. No you sure you're allowed to say what you know. I think it'd be nice to be forced to see both sides right now. especially well it correlates perfectly with us. Becoming completely bifurcating country with the erosion of these rules really just say one message you can editorialize you. Don't have to give any opposing perspective and you know I think it's to the detriment of the collective yeah. Everything's so <unk> divided but it's I feel like it's been that way for a long time like when I would like ride in the car with my dad when I was little and he would listen to Clark Howard doesn't it. Do you know Clark Howard. I wonder if this is just a Georgia thing but he was pretty conservative by the way this all started happening around unlike eighty-seven last bit of it where was completely abolished was under Obama his administration right. That's what I remember you saying yesterday was that it was abolished under Obama but cable. T._V.'s been well well. Yes it started getting heavily rooted in the eighties because of Cable T._v.. There wasn't finite bandwith anymore yeah interesting. That's really all that's all okay well. That was the biggest audience we've ever done a show in front yeah that's right gigantic in there it was it felt like <hes> as you said in this episode like a monster truck crowd. I feel like we needed pyrotechnics. Yeah like the t shirt cannon which is normally a real spectacle in an event to observe fell a little less than what we must me was firepower than we needed. Oh yeah should have definitely shot some rockets up in the air fleet known yeah arm arm tracks rocket seeking of it was just fourth of July. It was yeah we got to see a lot of good fireworks in the most beautiful beautiful serene setting was there was a bunch of boats docked in the bay <hes> in a big long pier and we were laying on sand nine magic on the next day we saw more. I'll be right in the lake kids. We were watching <hes> the skyline of Chicago Light Up Yeah. It was very very cool and I was saying that I love July Fourth <hes> and it makes me grateful that a lot of people sacrificed a lot of.
"The hell o. Everybody. Welcome to armchair expert. I am Doug Brynner's joined by Patty Plumpton, I paddy. Hey, dead that my name. Why do not forget the name of our guest today? His name is Pete Holmes. And after interviewing him, I checked out his show crashing. I love it. Now, you watched it on the plane. That's right. A genuinely love it. It's so well done. Yeah. In and he also has a great podcast that I've been on. He made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes? He's also a stand up comedian who's very popular in that regard. And he has a new book coming out comedy sex. God it's available for preorder now on Amazon and unsafe may fourteenth. Give it a read. I'm sure you'll have a chuckle you might even get sexually aroused. That's hopefully, what will happen Monica. Buckle up for Pete Holmes. We are supported by athletic greens, Monica. We just traveled a bunch when I'm traveling. It's hard to eat. Well, yeah. So what I did is I had in my backpack at all times, I had a bunch of athletic greens pack. Hits. That's it. It's the best in easiest way to get seventy five whole food. Sourced ingredients includes essential vitamins minerals. Prebiotics and probiotics digestive enzymes adapt in your favorite green and SuperFood complex. It covers five key areas of health. It has the antioxidant equivalent of twelve servings of fruits and vegetables that is incredible. But mostly I just love it. It's so delicious, I drink it ripe upon my coffee. We have a special deal for listeners where they are giving you twenty free travel packets valued at seventy nine dollars with your first purchase getting into a daily routine with athletic greens, really will be the single best thing you can do for your health and success this year, I can't stress this enough jump over to athletic greens dot com slash Dax. And claim your special offer today, that's athletic greens dot com slash. Dax. Don't miss it. He's. Favor tournament. One eighty I think this is gonna drive you crazy for the next hour and a half the you want to the this on the outside. But such as such a nice consideration. This is a controlling or is it considerate. This is a key thing. Monica. I can't thing about me is I actually get upset when people don't if you have a pro tap like tell me like I'm the guy that gets mad. If something is great, and it changed your life. Why aren't you telling keeping it to yourself where some people might be like doing control Rome, like we're all stuck in a very confusing thing. Yeah. So the eating fruit in the morning. Into heavy kinda helps you face the day like fucking. Thank you cocoa Krispies fallen asleep and math class like I'm going back to high school. I knew. These are some they are old in fact, high school first of all hype. Hi, we're already say it though. Right. It's the way they say it if they really. What the fuck are you doing with those cocoa Krispies you? But I have known her brother, and that's how he corrected me. He wasn't. It wasn't like super mean about it. He might tease me out of things. Like, I remember the comedian Christian Finnegan? I was wearing my I had remember the palm trio is like, oh, sure. Sure. Phone federal. With I had that. And I was so proud of it because I thought it was like the real key. I know it was like the real comedian phone. It was like the real made it phone. Phone. It was like if you had a trio it didn't just say like I have three hundred dollars because that's what it was which was a time. Now, they're all thousand dollars, and we're used to it with three hundred something for a phone was crazy. But it was also like what are you up to that? You need constant Email X Y I wanted and I saw all the comedians had one. So I finally got one and it was proud of it. So I clicked clipped to my belt. Oh, Jesus because I wanted it. I wanted to. And I really I went all out. I got like the clear case because I didn't want high that it was a tree you didn't go Dale style. And have a gold chain connected. GS? Yeah. And they'll style. No. But then I the first time I wore it. I went I was on the road with Christian. It was the best week ever live tour, and I went downstairs, and I had a clip like a dad. Clipped on my belt, and he just went belt clip. Oh. Oh, good off. And I didn't go. What an asshole. I was like. Oh, right. Well, I just had a blind spot. So I was just on your podcast last week. Yes. And your wife. Valerie, Valerie, you're beautiful wise. It was about to bear life. She made this observation because she listens to armchair. So she's hip to what's happening with me, psychologically. She made this observation that Pete Nye or basically two sides of a single coin. Like, we have a lot of the same shared history. All these different issues we wrestle with. But we have the polar opposite reaction. So when he told me he when he told me he loves people telling him what to do. I was like oh all right there. That's my number one pet peeve. Because you I mean, you know, better. It's like you seem like like we talked about nicotine, right and nicotine's interesting for like writing or getting your brain going or whatever how did you know that did you just figure it out on your own? I read exercise makes you. I feel so good like you're just reading reading. So I'm not reading I'm having things read to in the wild. And I'm like, okay. And you just want to forge it on your own. Will you would have been like, yes, it's it's how history had been passed on to us you like the or oral story I like an oral changes a little bit. It's a little bit wrong in the wrong is my own room to experiment, and even if it's wrongness in all the iterations of its wrongness, there's still truly pillar of true. And that's a real testament to the true, we talked about how I loved what you said about the American government. The two party system is to mimic this. I'm paraphrasing you the turmoil of the human psyche. And then I was like, it's interesting. How all these things that are successful often mimic the unsuccessful -ness of the human condition. Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. What the imperfect -ness of oral advice? I might get something that's wrong. But then like, I that's part of it is built in a good thing. Because then I still have a relationship with it as opposed to being handed the answer will now in the event that people don't seek out your podcast, listen to our previous conversation. Let's just do it. Again. Let's say let's do. But before we do it again tell you I what what happened. And then we'll do it all over again. We just play it. But I was just very bold over by your personality. Like, really, yes. Yes. So plead weird Ray. Thank you, Monica. I that sounded so false. Thing you Monica. I felt uncomfortable soil. Thank you. It's hard to say that I'm very good at coupling. But a good one successful one is one where you go. We're going to be friends now. Another name of the podcast could have been we're going to be friends. Now, that's a great name name. But it's called you made it weird. If people want to hear it, what am I plugging lease? Cross pod promotion. What can I say? It started. Not unlike when you watch a movie when you watch a movie, and you're kind of just accumulating red flags more than valuating, whether it's entertaining or fun or that was a good senior almost just like, oh, that sucks that was bad. And then after like five red flags, you're like, oh, this movie's not very good. So I arrive at your house. First of all, I'm like, oh, I love what part of town you live in. I love your choice in landscaping in the gate. You had I really liked and then the gay. It was are designed love a good game. I used to go on a lot of walks in our hood. And I'd take pictures of gay indoors I love door. And you're such a man, I'm so pleased to tell you that. I looked at gay, and I sent photos to the contractor knows I really like these this is boring. I forty percent of our audience is a red flag for this episode. Forty percent of our audience we picked up from this old house. It's something that's in our metro. Something psychological going on where you were like are you my dad? Yes, he because he was kind of goofy and Sweden, but he was working with hammers. Now. Interesting. Right. Did you really feel that way about them a little bit? Because my. Oh, really? Yeah. He was triggering for me because he knows every 'cause he was perfect dad. Perfect family. Like, this guy is perfect his house. He builds his own house where we're rag tag, single, mom. We'd I just think oh, he looks like he's also gonna make pancakes. He's going to make it shed its. Reconquer gonna make a table that he can display pancakes. I made both of us are made everything you see. My dad works wood chips in the pancakes. Maplewood sawdust. Your father that my dad worked with guys like that. And they weren't like Bob Bula chain smoking, you know, great guys. But like they seem like seventies guys yellow tinted glasses cigarette. Always in the mouth buzzsaw. Yes. I I was I was a roofer for a period of time and the the people. Yeah. Worked with generally weren't like Bob via. Villa? But isn't it L, Al? Yeah. Little bit though via. Anyway, you would've thought he was more. I love the gate, right? So so so all these clues. I'm getting like, ooh. I love this neighborhood. I love this gate. I walk in your house. It's very warm and inviting and it's not ostentatious pretentious, it looks like a real. It doesn't look like a photograph in a magazine. Drives me crazy. Sometimes we are successful. Anyway, looks like a hotel. Yes. I don't like that. And my wife, and I often argued about this. I'm like, yeah. That's gorgeous. But who the fuck lives there? I don't you know. Right. If I had to guess, okay? And you tell me how how I'm doing that your house would be more on the pristine side just because of the dual successes of vows not a success. But you guys have to show biz. I think we both agree bells. A failure. Abject failure. Is like the most successful person. I know. Thank him by which that's what they mean. Like what we're lack? That's why I was drawn during that's why you the whole I'm feeling just happens to generate money as as that's that's right. I say this all the time. It's just a wonderful happenstance that what we need to do is valued in our society. Because I think about this all the time I have people in my family or friends where I'm just like cou they are isn't valuable in a capitalist. And that's a difficult thing to get to. We're just in this weird place where it's like can you flash. Your your personality and make it says little. Can you share? And can you be engaging and be it's like, yeah. That's those are good things. But like producing there. I have so many people in my life. A lot of people that don't produce. And then they don't really consume a lot either society sort of looks down on them because they're just not just in the game. Exactly. I think about this all the time. It's like my utopian goals. Also don't function with what I know about the world. Yeah. You know? It's like, yes, we should stop trying to buy things to Bill regulate our internal feelings. Right. I do it. I'm guilty of it. Yeah. Clearly, that's not the way. But then I go. Okay. Well, then everyone stops buying shit. What the fuck everyone to do. Everyone needs something to do the deeper. I get into show biz the less I consume of it like, I watch your movies and TV, and I'm like, what am I doing? I'm sort of putting myself out of business. Even on my own vodkas. We talk about how nice it is unplug. A little bit. Yeah. And consume less. And then I'm like, but I'm also making the thing that I want. In the Indro of that podcast. I'm still saying please watch my show or or listen to this gas. So I'm full of shit in that way. Sure. This is what I'm saying. This is why we had the Republicans and the Democrats in our house, and I have that Republican energy that it's like I like can producing things, and I like consuming things may also have a Bernie Sanders that's in there. And it's like, here's put it's also valuable to just sit down, and relax or whatever it is. I Bernie not bad. More than not bad. I was like, oh, he must do. Yeah. I try do do. I just want you to. You know? Put you to review. What do we have a little bit? No, more New York in it. In New York City. I'm from New York. I'm from Brooklyn. I wanted to security account. Dr analogy, I'm losing don't believe in banking. They know banking people could see it's ninety percent hand move. And ph. I want to give you a compliment the people that love valor, the people that love our house. I know those sound kind of trivial, but our houses, cozy and warm and and lived in. Yes, that's sort of. I wonder if you and Kristen have something like this. That's one of our tests. We have people that come by our house, and they're just sort of like, I tell the story all the time because apparently it hurt my feelings, but we've had more than one showbiz friend come over. And be like, this is a great or hell. This is like the we have very small bedrooms. Like our kids are not going to have their own XBox TV setups. And they're just bedrooms assured room lace ago sleep it's a place to sleep for. So it's not one of those houses, and we don't have like, you know, a lot of fancy stuff. But if you like the house chances are you're going to like Val because that's what I'm into I sort of. I don't wanna go into. Pageantry or presentation to the house what you guys enjoy being around which I dig that's right. And that's kind of how I like my inner world, you can't you know, what I mean? Everything's kind of out there. Easy access. It's not to clean. It's not too messy. Oh, I like it in my neutral about our house. It's a house. It's nice. But it's what a child would draw with crayons where are you from? I'm from Boston. Well, I'm from Boston. Because I look like if I say Lexington people think I mean, Kentucky sure, we don't acknowledge that like grant from the birth of the American revolution. Oh, okay. Well, got hurt around the world. Lexington. Concord. I read seventeen seventy six. Had your voice that you wanted to score urine Islas. But you know, it's funny. I think this is where the Pete Dax dissimilarities might begin is because Boston is a very not always my experience of Boston where they very macho place. Yes. So growing up. I just I just went hard mom, I know you did too. But my way of going hard mom was like to not like the Red Sox and to love talking and going on walks. I love gossiping inner worlds and feelings and stuff. So like, I sort of figured out at a young age that like little league wasn't getting my dad's attention in the way that I hoped so he became like a little showman like a little buttery soft showman. But I would imagine in this suburb of Boston. Yeah. Because there's a few cities that are a little macho a little Alfie a little culture of pride e well that faucet to there so much pride. I did the joke on stage right now. It's like why do people get mad when you say fuck your mother, and it's like, you don't know. My mother does that sort of attitude that I have comes from like, why are you proud of being from a place like this is really and I get because it's so indiscriminate like it's just it's just weird that you happen to your parents got pregnant Matt location. Well, drew, Michael who's HBO special? I liked quite a bit has a joke about like, why are you proud of your big, dick? It's like, it's just it's something you had nothing to do at understand. Now. I used to have a bigger chip on my shoulder to be. Like who cares? It's just land. Just like a fucking. I understand you ride proud of where you're from. And I understand I used to be one of those kids. It was like the Red Sox aren't even from Boston. Like, I was that guy and have sort of relaxed. I understand clans that sounds like tribalism good way way that it can give you meaning. And it's funny. My group was the group that was not being in the main group, but it was still a group. And I know that's like a freshman year of college observation the same way that are non fancy houses are also a way of sort of establishing a fancy miss you're so fancy that you don't even have to brag about how fancy I always think it's kind of gangster that we don't need to have your the gorilla in the jungle that doesn't have to have a silverback till just Intel time, right? But that's that's a big. I'm only saying this because I think it might be interesting to you alphabet in this is a big move. And that's one of my big moves. And when I talk about how I would never. With the door open, for example, which you did out of fear you might to while you're peeing or someone with then I wouldn't start right away. And then I get my head. And then I'd be like now, they can tell them not peeing, right? That was my freshman year of college was the peace situation was just terrifying. And did you have this? The fuck is going on. I took so many pretend poops to p because I couldn't hand somebody's talking to me like, yeah. That's arts and theater. And I'm like I'm trying to pretend I'm waist deep in a river right now. I can't and that happened once and I'm the type of brain that will live with that sort of embarrassment. Did you also have the added thought, which I know a lot of guys I grew up with hat where you think that based on how girthy the stream flow like how hard the urines hitting the toilet that people that aren't with you in in the commode are evaluating how big your penises bay Senate. How thick and ropy yours. Why val? Yeah. Thick and rope. Liam sorry. The best part so excited to agree with you. Because this is why Val was like, you guys should be friends because that is such my own thought, it's like what are we really talking about here? And we're talking about Pena shame always always always almost always Eliza white men or so embarrassing. I say to Monica, but it just like that situation is a primate situation. And I was never good in those situations. But it was a really wonderful feeling. I remember my roommate in college was kind of a man's, man. He he works for the FBI. Now, he's like a real tough duty as guns kick stores down. Yeah, he's a macho and he and his friend is an even more mucho guy. And I remember at his bachelor party. We were all hanging out, and we're drinking which is also just a proof that you can consume poison then not die. Sure. She's also primate thing. It's it's social. Writable advertising, I can drink this not die. My joke about that. I'm like I can consume this still fuck you is what is why we drink scotch instead of white wine because it's more impressive. It's more. Like, nothing can stop me, which is testosterone thing, it's self as poisonous. Sure. And so having a lot of testosterone is proof that you can have poison in your body, but still live which is why chiselled jaws and actually being bald and having hair on your back. Yeah. Can be attractive to some women because it signs of high testosterone. And I got that from Shane mossy did my podcast, he's brilliant. But anyway, I started to realize that like the way that I was Al was in how vulnerable and honest, I could be that's the alpha move of. I'm so glad you just said that because I've been in a couple of different debates with Monica, and my wife, I think that all men employ some strategy. I don't think there's any man that doesn't have a sex strategy. And. Yeah. So so so. So my theory is it goes like this. Everyone in high school wants to go on a date with a pretty girl. I'm sorry. It's just that's what happens we're animals much bigger part of our brain is evolved to do that actively thin your frontal lobe thinking about how people are perceiving and driven by that in so many smart guys go, okay? Well, I'm not going to be the quarterback of the football team. And I'm not gonna punch a guy out at a cake party. Okay. So what am I going to do because I still really want women? Yeah. And this is where I've been I've gotten into trouble is. Yeah. The guest you've been waiting for. Oh boy. Oh, say, no, no. I'm just saying if you're looking for someone to agree with this type of thinking, I'm that. I I have a joke. It's I'm doing it tonight. I have a show tonight. And I made my settling earlier and I wrote down ninety percent erection. That's the name of the joke and are not going to do the job. But I'll explain the joke doesn't the idea that men achieve erections. It's an achievement. Not of is this thing that we sort of psych ourselves into and we stay in a frame of mind. And so I I'm going out of order, but the premise is ninety percent of male behaviors to get an erection later. So I kind of joke like we don't wanna listen to kid rock. We don't wanna wear wrap around Oakley's. We don't want to drive pickup trucks. We're trying to get a momentum. Go. Later. I mean, the masculine. That's it. Yeah. Talk about how like fucking put Ted Nugent quarter hard. That's what it is. It's sort of like, I'm this guy. I'm this guy. I'm this. I can't speak for everybody. I think that's complicated thing for me when I'm like out there, conquering and feeling the pulse. And that's when I want to get fucked funky. Yeah. So and then I also talk about how fragile erections are and how weak men are. And that's why we need those things. And I say I've lost my erection because the dog came in and looked at me funny. So there's this vulnerability, and I can't handle that psychically. So the best part of the job thing is I'm like, we know you want four play. But the erection is here. Don't understand. We're spinning plates right now. He's shown up, and I don't want to do a twenty minute activity and just sometimes, you know, he'll be fine. I got a twenty minute fine. But sometimes you like if I do that he might not come back. I'm playing Russian roulette. So guys aren't we are idiots, but we're not fucking so stupid that we don't know that women would prefer lots of foreplay. It's not a strong move to a person quickly. It's a week move. We're going like we better do this. We can. Yeah. And then and this is the best part at the job. I do. Everything's about an erection. And I go including this bit, I go, my wife is here tonight. And tonight, I'm going to be like an I moved my hips. And I go to remember how vulnerable I wasn't. Stayed. Yelled, my insecurities to the Rangers. It's a move. It's not insincere. I'm just saying what I'm. It's sort of what we were saying about fancy houses and fancy cars. I drive a non fancy car, and that isn't it self a sort of alpha beta move. It is I don't even need Lambert. That's right. If I were doing that. There would probably be part of me. That's like I'm doing what is appealing about me, maybe not for sex. But I'm doing what's good ample like it people want me around they feed me. And they include me, the more. I'm this way. Let's go and step further. So if you're not the captain of the football team, the captain of the football team appeals to whatever percentage of the female population. It is I don't know. Let's just randomly say. It's fifty percent very high. So from ago for my the captain of the football. I do not feel it's fifty I was not that guy in high school. But. Let's just say it is that. So the beta ish guy knows well those fifty percent or completely off the table because it's not going to happen for them. Right. But this other fifty percent, I found this thing that they do find very attractive, and I'm going to lean into that as much as possible, which is just good sense. If you're trying to procreate work with what you got. Money. Whether you think I look like the quarterback or not I never felt like I look like the quarterback. So I'm like, I got to have a pretty tight. What happens me about okay game? So here I am with my roommate and his even alpha year carpenter contractor guy, and after the bachelor party, and we got it was like a bachelor party weekend. I remember the gun of an alpha move right there. Yeah. The whole weekend you're going to claim a whole my wife. Don't get me started until my wife was even having a bachelor party shoot a laughed herself. So much weekend with the bro. It's so funny. I didn't either I had one. Oh, I probably didn't them. Forget it. I didn't. But whatever. Anyway, I've gone to back to the parties. I've been the guy that brought cigars, and I remember vividly some of the guys getting sick because they didn't smoke cigars. And I was like this is what we're doing. I'm hitting you in the with my all right now, it's so childish, I'm not proud of any of that that was over ten years ago. But that's what a cigar is. Can you handle the nicotine of seventy five cigarettes in the sitting really quick because I can? And that means I can like take care of my kid culture. Every culture has a ritualized act of courage that men do to prove to other men you can trust me in combat out on a hunt. Interesting. This is we're evolved to display this loyalty to one another. Yeah. And we're kind of out of the old ways. We're not gonna hit each other over the head with boards to do that or get fucking insane plate tattoos in her head. So we're going to smoke cigars and drive fast cars and all this bonkers stuff. And it's just we I want you to know I will die with you in battle. Right. I just think it's dangerous too. I think you're right that everyone men. Women everyone when they're young figure out the thing that is attractive about them and lean into that. And if you're smart, you exacerbate, those qualities and minimize the other ones, you gave another example, it's not fair to say because he doesn't think something's funny that you do think is funny that he is compensating or he's he's leaning into this like super liberal thing that he thinks is attractive. I think maybe early on he recognized. This is a part of my personality, that's bright, and shiny and attractive. But that doesn't mean he's insincere when he's doing that. Now, that's all that is his personality. But I think what might be missing from what we're saying is that I don't think it's necessarily a scheming Machiavellian implicitly. He comes and instinct at a certain point, you're doing like in the way that I'm trying to be polite right now, I'm not trying to have sex with anybody anybody. Right. But I do buy habit fried because I want this podcast. To be good at. That's what I mean. I'm not being you know, sold by wanting the show to be good by kind of talking. And also there's a part of me watching my talk and going like don't be too. Cocky, don't interrupt that doesn't mean it's insincere. I guess the bigger question is is there any true selfless kind act that you can there's a motivation behind everything we do. Right. I agree with that. But I don't think the motivation is always pussies. I agree with you. I think really what you're talking about. I think is acceptance. Stay tuned. For more armchair expert. If you there we are brought to you by the great courses. Plus, which is an amazing streaming service. It gives you unlimited access to learn about virtually any topic under the sun. Very cool. You and I just consumed one of them called outsmart yourself brain-based strategies to a better you in. There was some fun counterintuitive things in there wasn't there. Yes. You were shocked by some of these tips. There was one that I found really interesting doing nothing for twenty minutes can actually help beat procrastination. Right. And you're more likely to follow through with long-term goals. If you don't tell a lot of people, isn't that interesting. I would not have thought that you'd think. Oh, and now, I gotta be accountable to all these. But no, that's not the case. This is just one of the fantastic courses to enjoy from the great courses. Plus, you can learn about psychology anthropology history, art music, you name it. We know our armchairs are going to love the great courses plus two. So we've arranged a special limited time free month. Offer just for you to get your free month. You must sign up using our special URL, go to the great courses plus dot com slash Dax. That's the great courses plus dot com slash Dax. We are supported by hymns sixty six percent of men start losing their hair by age thirty five. That's certainly was the case with me. But I got myself on a scientifically substantiated program that has helped me retain, this luster is air. You see before you Monica. It's very full. Thank you so much. Forums dot com is a one stop shop for hair loss, skin care and sexual wellness for men. You don't have to go have an embarrassing conversation with the doctor then go down to a pharmacy and get everything filled. You just go to forums dot com and get yourself a medical grade solution. Also, did you know hymns as a bad as sister? Call four hers. Now, my women listeners should check out for hers dot com because for hers is bringing convenient affordable prescription treatments to women for birth control. You ding, ding, ding, okay, built team meeting. Ding, ding, low sex drive me, ding, ding, ding and much much more order now, my listeners get a trial month of hymns for just five dollars today right now while supplies last restrictions may apply. See website for full details. This would cause hundreds. If you went to the doctor or a pharmacy, go to four hymns dot com slash tax. That's F O R H I M S dot com slash Dax for him. Not comes is. Dax. The thing. I really wanted to get to is. I have to assume that your suburb of bossom is a little bit like my suburb of Detroit, and because you chose this lane in. You're also a big guy. You're tall did guys. Fuck with you. Because I think there's this misnomer that oh, if you're big you don't get bullied, but weirdly, a lot of guys are trying to rule themselves by attacking the big guys. Did you could you stay in that lane peacefully and a prison situation. I'd be the wise choice if you want like someone that's actually large but easy to take down. I'm your guy that happened a little bit. But this actually goes to the punch line of that story with the bachelor weekend is that at the end of the week. And then these are his words mine he and we were young men. He was like Jesus if I talk like Pete talks. I could fuck anybody. He could he basically said this to me, and I just couldn't I never occurred to me. I never crystallized. What was happening is what we're talking. About is. He was like if I could talk are you could talk I go up to any girl and this. I don't think that's true. But he was like, and I could do them my smarts. And I was like, oh, that's my this was a guy who in the course of the weekend like a TV broke. And he got it in his truck. And he went and bought another TV Melanie three I mean, install fucking guy. And then it was like, oh like what I like, Valentine's. We were having a great conversation today. And it was like this is what this is what I offer I called the handyman to fix a very simple piece of leaking pipe this morning that other people probably would have known shut the water off and fix it. But I just call a guy. Sure. But that's sort of like an open move the dad that won't stop and ask for directions. I go hard the other way, and that starts to become appealing as well. And then being able to talk and to communicate becomes its own type of allfamous. Well, that's kind of the stand up comedy. There's Joe Rogan. There's Bill Burr there's a lot of. Real men's men but in the real in the nerd seen. If you can pick a restaurant that you want to eat that quickly or or put up a boundary. You're you're the silverback very quickly. So. My if I can just be like, I don't want Chinese you're king. God. Yes. I used to love to see his ball that that kind of goes into something else that I think is interesting, and I'm trying as I get older I'm coming to terms with the fact, I've always said that I'm not a competitive person. You could do a super cat of my podcasts of me saying, I'm not a competitive. I can't believe that's possible. But it's it's true in some ways. And then the more I'm quiet with it the more. I'm like, that's probably just an. The. The conventional ways you're not competitive, right? And I don't I don't have contentment issues. I don't compare my career to other people's careers. I'm sort of like, I don't even deserve credit for that. It's just something that sort of happens. I have a good amount of equanimity. And that's because I've got a lot of good love in my life. Like valerie. And there's I have values and things that are fed outside of show business, and that's taking a lot of work and all that sort of stuff. So I don't do that. But there is a child in me, my it is very childish and wants everyone to love him and present him with gifts. He's in there. I think of him as Daniel plain view, I think of my my egos Daniel plane from there. Feeding the plain view tonight. You know what I mean? But then the other glimpse I can get at him is like doing standup say Bill Cosby was so awesome. Is that he would sit down and chair which is like already hit smokeless super beta move like it's not it's not down. Not a command presence in just to make that choice out of the gate. There's also for slow. I really learned something we always have to say this Bill Cosby's a monster. And a rape piece of shit. Yeah. And that's real and the special himself. He so slow at the beginning. I don't know if he's smoking a cigar in that special, but he did sit down and this is the beginning of the show. Most of us come out to like. And Bill become except he comes out there cheering, and he said sound, and he does or doesn't let us car any sort of tells us I joke, and I feel as he almost seems to get tired during the telling of. It's very like I notice that the people it's very exact so alpha. It's so Elford to be quiet, quiet. I have a bit called quiet as cool. It never works quite as cool thing of Denzel Washington. That's you. That's you. All right. He's a quiet guy in the jungle isn't giving away your position. You know, what I mean like you want you don't want to think of a nerd? Hey that's nerd he's ruining everything. Like, you just gave up your lunch table. Everyone can see where with you. You've got a nerd. And then he does the I joke, and then he acts surprised that they laughed, and I think that is such good acting as somebody. I know he's done that act a thousand times by the time. He's filming it. And he tells the I joke and they laugh, and he goes like a big Cosby as like, oh, you're listening. And that's when you got them, right? So that's that's a that's something. I learned from rapists. When did you start doing standup? I believe it was a I think it was around two thousand to nine thousand nine hundred ninety two thousand eighteen eight. So you were twenty one. Yeah. That's about right. Okay. Did some quick man? That's what it is. He's thirty nine and nine deductive. Okay. So I thought you read my mind. More plausible than someone being able to subtract quickly. Oh, this motherfuckers attell razor you read. My mind was stand up was in acceptable. In a polite way to be to everybody had not everybody. But some of us have these deeply competitive, deeply aggressive feelings. I I would play basketball. I've told this joke before I wouldn't count points. I would count friends I had made about hanging out. I was never I would sometimes win the game. We lose the game. And I didn't know the game was almost over. I just didn't get that stuff shirt. Stand up was the place where my plane view could come out, and he wanted to tear like when I was young. I wanted to tear the motherfucker down. I had a lot of anger. You don't listen to that much punk rock? If you're not like a little bit angry, and I wanted to exercise some feelings, my parents were not more specifically, my father wasn't a great listener. Is he is funny, man. Yeah. He's a ham. He is in. So the. There is there room for your personality in that house with another huge one. So this is where the competitiveness I mean, if you were just going to be heard at the dinner table while you're gonna have to have some angle there's a bible story. Everyone turns this thing off. It's an Old Testament story. Everybody's more comfortable with the Jewish ones. They belong to everybody. Judicially three religions claim the Old Testament. So is Jacob Anita. And I won't ask you if you're familiar with it, and it's almost over and the story of these two brothers e saw is red, and Harry, so he's alpha and he's a hunter and he goes out with his father. And he kills things with his bare hands and making the story better the bible needs to be punched. Yeah. So he's going down, and he's just like drinking Blad, and he's he's like it says in the bible, he's red. He's like literally skin is red. And then there's Jacob and Jacob. They said these are quotes, a dweller of tents. So he's an indoor kitten big XBox live guy hung out with his mother. And I was Jacob. So my my brother was kind is Harry. He's actually kinda read to okay and bonded with my father. And I. Athlete more than I was. Yeah. The the revelation that. Little league wasn't working or being obsessed with the Red Sox wasn't actually getting my father's attention in the way that it might appear to I was going for the good stuff. I wanted to be deeply listened to. I wanted to be unconditionally loud. I wanted to be known and all that sort of stuff. I so I was like that seems like bullshit. And this is the story of Jacob Jacob made a pact basically with his mother, and they ended up stealing the blessing from the father, the father was going blind and Jacob it's actually kind of funny puts animal skins on his arms. So they're hairy and sneaks in and lies. And is like I'm he saw and the and there's a big deal in the Old Testament days, the father gives ISA the blessing, but is really Jacob. And then he thrives you comes Jacob that, you know, about that's sort of what happened is I learned that through communication through listening through personality and through a little bit of conniving, not that I stole it from my brother. I realized that that was how I could be how I could get attention. And stuff and in the long game. I finally did get it from my father it. But it was only once I started doing things that paid a lot of money Sharm. Then you then you could go. You know, I did this. I mean, he's like or I pay. You like this two thousand dollars for left handed much. View. That he understood his impolite to talk about money, but with dad's. It's all about the only way to his are always drove my dad nuts, and right until the end that I wouldn't just tell him the exact number my Bank account. That's hilarious in by the way. I probably would have let him indulge in that. But I knew he would tell everyone he knew because he would want to get the attention for himself. So there was nothing that I could give to him that he wouldn't immediately incorporate into his own attention see that sort of the narcissism of maybe both of our dads is that once I became and I say this with love I love my dad, this this isn't like once I became something. He could brag about he had a way to interact with me. And enjoy me that he didn't quite understand when I was a kid in my PJ's with my keyboard. Improvising songs right right in the hallway. Interrupting is baseball game. Do you think he thought you were gay at any point? I'm really surprised he didn't. I was like all my friends were girls. Okay. I traded stickers with the girl. I love girls is weird that that's a hint that you're gay. You know, what I mean like in all sorts of thing like he doesn't he doesn't. Exactly. Yeah. It's like on the Simpsons, you kissed a girl. That's so gay. The girls were talking. They were talking right? And if they're talking I could be funny. Yeah. So whether or not he thought I was gay, but I was also like pretty sexual and would ask him to buy me pornography. Jacob. So I was like I wanna pornography. This is pretty internet. Okay. And I would just ask him go, dad. Would you please buy me a playboy seventh-grader? Some, you know, weirdly done something we share in common is that I stole a playboy or two from my grandpa. My Papa Bob. And and I was looking at it at the dinner table, and my mom came and sat down, and my brother who's five years older than me is like waiting for her to yell at me. And he goes, aren't you going to say anything? She's like naked people. He's going to see him. Eventually I was allowed to look everybody. Boy Francis McDermott percent great. Yes. Absolutely. Funny because my dad was going to do it. So my dad was more of the Francis McDermott. He was this is the visit the eighties. So it was not as sensitive or woke as we are now. So he would just flat out thrilled that his son wasn't gay shirt. Probably. Yeah. Maybe a little aware with my love of music and theater and being silly oily. Relieved were a lot of rayon. I love like wearing like acid wash jeans and slap bracelet. So my mom know who is super relig- told my dad, and is that why you know, the bible. It's weird that you know, passages of the bible, I didn't say the chapter and verse that would have been like super cool, so third Deuteronomy seven I could guess Genesis twenty is Abraham Isaac. So it's gotta be after that what a lovely story that is that's not enough to make you put the book down. I don't know what could be who gets to that story in the bible. All right. So God the God, we worship is gonna make me kill my child. Prove I love him. So yeah, let's keep going. This sounds like they would have done it on the news of crashing. I one of the story arcs is that I started doing a Christian tour, and I do this whole the reason I know it's Genesis twenty s I do a whole routine about how fucked up Abraham and Isaac is an it's like it's a whole to do not a Sean as did this play this one man play. God. Can you hear me or something or it's me God or some? He he was playing God. And boy they got into that story. Oh, it's fucking bonkers it as a metaphor. It's beautiful. Why the worst metaphor? I've ever heard is that someone would require of you to prove your love to them that right there out of the gates that's contently flawed in in the opposite of antithesis of uncondition. I hear what you're saying. Okay. But I've reacted now. Go ahead. I agree with you. I and I'm not a fundamentalist. And I'm not saying it says, adding therefore we can cut shit and say that's not good. And I'm not an expert on myth. You know, the metaphor. Being our attachments, and our worldly desires are like a firstborn, son. That's the analogy. The metaphor is our attachments in our desires are your firstborn, son. Well, hold on. Who says it's a metaphor feel like that is a latch last ditch effort to give some semblance of in humanity to that store. Well done. Yes. Like how long after written before they go? Oh, well, what they really mean is your attachment to your television. Well, you know, you start to get the feeling that you're dealing with metaphors and myths when snakes are talking to people make everyone realise that you're dealing with the semitic an ancient way of thinking. Okay. It is less concerned with what we consider truth rational truth. Yeah. So we're dealing with Iraq trans rational troop. But also just to counter the notion that were so attached to our worldly possessions. Let's go back to three thousand BC people didn't have shit you had a yak skin water sack. There's no way people were so tach to there wasn't even consumers. That's what makes it a good to me an interesting metaphor that you have to give up everything. And I'm talking about an internal attachment writing about the new. Ipod. I'm talking about my attachment to my own identity is in the way of my understanding of God of my union with God, my understanding of who I am in this world. And that this is my son, and this is my family. And this is what's going to happen is in the way of my connection with God that seems to be sort of outside of our minds doing things that we don't understand dancing in a way that we don't come. Argue your connection to your son is the only road that could even potentially lead me to the belief in. God was the opposite of that. That's why it's a good story. We wouldn't be talking about the story and good Jewish person would tell you that this conversation is the point of the story. And if it wasn't about God asking you to kill your son. Would you debate it for thousands of years? I don't think you would if it was like strong argument gave up your yak. It'd be like this story about a guy who kills his young people were already killing their yaks. I look at what happens in the New Testament God's, you know, I also believe this could be a metaphor Sakr. Rafael is son. It's all about giving things out giving up yourself giving up your ego. And that's a very eastern idea when you zoom out, you think it's supposed to just what it serving as a launching point discuss morality, the car the negate luge in. It's like what we're saying about Republicans and Democrats being imperfect. So here's an imperfect story, nobody that's what makes Jesus so compelling is is that he's crucified. He's Hannity's FOX two very very good carpenter very up there with. Under carpenters. Save you feel. Via via there with Bob via but being suffering, and dying isn't perfect that brings it into a human room. And that makes it more interesting. Gus hey, by the way, I don't care if you wanna throw the whole bible the way, I don't give a shit. I'm just saying, right? I like that story did just not your bible wolves your cold. Revolver, but my mom was. Religious and didn't want me to have a playboy. That's that's how we got there. Okay. And when you were twenty one he started doing stand up and were you in great fear of it? Like, I was did it scare the fuck out of you. Yeah. Of course. It's so scary. Right. It's still I hate if someone comes up to me and goes like I'm doing the show hot tub tonight Monday, and they go I see you're on hot tub on Monday. You say that to me I'm Thursday. Your weekend's ruined. I want slice you the samurai sword suck in hate your face. And people think they're being nice and people think that I'm sort of potentially living. I've been doing it for eighteen years in a place where that's not scary. And I'm going to be honest with you. It's not scary. But I don't like thinking about it's like saying, hey, I see your flying to Denver at six AM on Monday. You know what? I mean. It's like, I don't wanna think about all the things that I do that makes me go. Oh, I got a pack. I gotta I gotta check in the night before because I don't want to get there at five AM whenever you, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I don't I don't want people pushing. So I still have summing Zayed's about stand up, but the sort of interesting paradox of that is you need it. It's one of the fuels that makes you. Well, look, I've had a lot of jobs where the outcome was highly predictable. If I'm if I'm hounding fuck and flashing in with a penny. Now, I know it's probably going to happen. If I hit the nail correctly with hammer, whereas your job at any given moment, and I'm sure does occasionally this goes completely sideways right show recently. You're never, but that's again, that's probably why you love it. It's infinitely you gotta earn the approval every fucking time. Now, what is your trajectory from you, build a stand up career? And you do quite well as a stand up, you can be very comfortable just doing that. Right. And I'm sure you could have done that in what propelled you into creating the show. We'll stand up is your wife, and then everything else is you have a lot of mistresses. Ooh. So but stand up my approach is I always like, I don't like the term comic. I was like the term comedian because I just like doing comedy. So like, I always I was doing stand up, but it was actually Z's as ease was one of those guys one of the first guys that was doing sketch as well shoot videos, and I've said I haven't told this story and while so I haven't used this terminal. I would start Burger King people Burger King Burger King opens where McDonald's already is. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. They do. But they don't have as much of an RND department in that regard because they're just like, well, here's where McDonald's is we'll open nearby because of the internet and stuff, I started to notice, my friend. Ryan Ridley like, I mentioned disease. They're all these other ways to get content out there. And I've always said this. Nobody believes you can do anything. I always thought I was a a good comedic actor 'cause I always used to make little videos with my friends, and I always loved that. Because I just love comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I also like the rhythm. I get in when I'm writing a Scatchard writing a script or whatever it is. But I did these things for college humor, which is huge of them. And they were huge is really. So then when you're trying to write for TV show your agents also send a link to like a really funny batmans. Yeah. And that helped and super help doors as well. Open doors. You feel outside. Very real. But then all the while doing stand up is it layered, though, is part of it. Like, you have this healthy love for. And then there's another part like Monica, and I talk about this all the time. She'll have a fucking on dish in in Santa Monica at five pm for your Colgate. And she does not want to go nor does she need to because maybe she already has three commercials running in Santa Monica. Predicament. You thought I was just laughing at. Imagine can you can you even believe joke is Monica went to Santa Monica. Monica's in Santa Monica. So in she'll walk me through it and show if I don't drive to Santa Monica five for something. I don't want to do the my good juju is going to disappear entirely because olive gotten too big for my britches. And we have this like this relationship. We think we have with luck or I do. You want to stay low. Aegis feel like it's it's all going to run out. If you make a best selfish move understand like, it's almost as a sign of cockiness that you might value your life a little bit more than that drive to Santa Monica for Colgate. And then something in the back of your mind goes, well, if I if I do that then I'm never gonna work again because I've just shown that I'm entitled and I'm not humble anymore leaving your way. Right. You're so I'm wondering. Yeah. If like part of it is you love it. And all that. And another part of it is like a superstition almost I don't I don't have superstitious or supernatural feelings about it. Although I do know what you're talking about. You don't want to send something like that into the universe? But yet doing stand up to me as a drive sometimes to Santa Monica at five o'clock where you're like prove you're still humble and hungry and look at it as honoring past me pass me did all this work. Basma me looks at me. And he's just like what the fuck is your problem? Oh, not even in a bad way. But sometimes I'll complain. Like, I can play into you didn't I know that was another guest your money counter broke. You're talking about your cash counter, bro, right at the million. Mark. And now I have to throw a whole bag away through all. Very that. With my money, burn. It was either that you'd put the you didn't put premium fuel in your Lambruschini spot. Sometimes former me will hear me go like I don't wanna go all the way to the comedy store. And he's he's just sort of like, he's not mad at me. He's just like we used to be outside. And now you're inside. It's a helpful exercise of gratitude. But the really the main reason isn't this isn't superstition, and it isn't trying to stay low as I keep calling it. It's because I really do need it. And I think maybe I mentioned this vowel will say to me, you think you need to do a show there. You're a meeting semi a as we we realized my wife occasionally go like, I think you need to go to your Tuesday meeting. She'll remind me, oh, you're due for a checkup. And that's for you your. Yeah. I get off stage, and I feel I've never done cocaine. I'm like, I think I just did it's better than cocaine itself generating there's no low better than them. Both. It is it is very good. But what does it do you think? Because another thing you said is you quit drinking a year ago? So clearly people who don't need to quit drinking, generally. Don't quit drinking is rarely a coincidence. Someone quits drinking. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So you probably drank in some way that was minimally below your expectations of me. Yeah in so are you do you? I know that you're into Buddhism philosophy a lot of different. I'll generalize and see seeking things. Yeah. Do you believe do you think you're a handle on? What is at the core of all that of the drinking all of it needing to go do stand up to keep your let's say that a lot of people don't need to regulate their mood with something else. Yeah. That's interesting. So just I would say the fact that you you recognize Incan admit your mood needs regulation through this activity. Do you are you curious? Do you think you just bio chemically, maybe maybe are prone to depression? Have you had trauma diety and travel? Okay. So we were talking about this today actually heels like a B in my belly. I have a be in my belly. Yeah. And that's what it feels like or it feels like the sparks that come off chains of chain is being dragged by a pickup truck. Those sort of like. I also have a job I go my diet. He sounds like a Dave Matthews band jam session was like too many fiddles twenty nine symbols, which is all these things going on. So right. There is the most basic response is I have in my belly. I go to stand up, and I don't for days. It's like a wonderful. And then the deeper sort of answered my my, you know, there was drinking in my house. There was a lot of like figuring out what things meant I became very good at figuring out how you wear things were going. He'll where they're going break the tension with humor on a necessity out of necessity anyway own survival outta my owning I had a bald spot on the side of my head out of stress. I know is very girls asking touch it. No girls were talking to. I don't know what they were saying they were over there. He so did you feel like because you believed in God that if you stayed the course you'd be vindicated because I think that could have been helpful for me to go like, yeah, you're getting shit on. But you know, what the meek will inherit the earth. You're gonna get rewarded has some boiling bible verse fucking mountain right now. I love quoting scripture guys. You'd be limited areas. Christian. Have you promised me to never become a Christian guy? He was subscription. You be the scariest tall mostly Christian Deuteronomy thirteen. Oh my God. I know you I would cast you as a Christian guy. Good groovy kind of. But like underneath it. All it's not great. I also was looking for stand up and church gave me something similar which was being listened to. You know what I mean? So the church was like a was a group of people like religiously obliged to be kind. Yeah. Sort of took advantage not in a bad way. In the way, you're supposed to like, I could kind of be myself in church churches, actually, where I I started getting a Bill Cosby again, I would get up and do my Bill Cosby impression tell a story from a mission trip that I had been on. And I would get my first laughs. I didn't impression of the youth. Pastor like that was like a very safe place for me because the minor leagues. I mean highschool felt like the major leagues and youth group was just sorta like these are just like the nice kids. Sort of perform in front of your family. Exactly it was very safe. But I was also looking for father figures. My dad was was great. But I loved that. There were like these Bob Vila types, like male leaders that were very nurturing and they loved God. And my dad has not religious. So it was very interesting to meet men that were kind of like my mother, and there's always something kind of going on there, which like mom would get along. Great with pastor. Like, I was passed was my dad. Yeah. Psychology going on there. Stay tuned. For more armchair expert. If you dare we're embraced and supported by policy. Genius monica. Yeah. Do you have life insurance? Now, will you need to get it. Okay. All right. Well, you should you should go to policy genius because listen, it's a drag to figure out how to get it. Right. It's big saw puzzle. Who's got the time who has to the energy to figure it out. But listen, if you've got mortgage kids, or anyone who depends on your income, you should really look into policy genius to get some coverage. It's the easiest way to get life insurance. And just two minutes. You can compare quotes from top insurers to find the best policy for you. Now. Listen, Monica, Dax policy genius doesn't just make life insurance easy. They also make it easy to find home insurance auto insurance or disability insurance. They are one stop shop for financial protection. So if you find life insurance puzzling, head to policy genius dot com in two minutes. You can compare quotes find the right policy and save up to forty percent doing it policy. Genius. The easiest way to compare and by life insurance. What I also recognize in you that we have in common is it appears to me that it requires a lot of self evaluation to keep yourself like if you just leave yourself to your own demise. E it's going to end up in a negative place. Right. Well that goes to the drinking. Yeah. It's like people like us. I think we have this uncommon. Enjoy going in figuring out tweaking the levels, and it's not about it's not this. I like, Tim Ferriss. But it's not I don't get the vibe from him that I get from me. Like, there's you temporary. You know? Yeah. Tim Ferriss to me. An Anthony Robbins to me seem like these sort of perfection warriors. I enjoyed them as well. But that is not what I'm I don't want. The people listening to mistake me for that. I it's it's so much less sexy and kind of together, and it's not this pursuit of perfection. It's just more of a quiet keeping yourself out of the ditch. Exactly. It's more Radiohead than that. So much more wounded than that in in. So I have like, you know, it's kind of a full time job. And then occasionally I zoom out above my own head. And I'm like, this must be so annoying to such a large section of the world to see how much because really at the at the bottom of it would appear at least that it's just narcissism. And it's like I have to be I have to be self evaluating all the time be be super aware of homecoming across all the time. I have to do all these things to keep myself out of the ditch. I guess what I'm wondering. Is there any part of your brain that occasionally see somebody that you have evaluated right or wrong is just simply cruising through life. They're not introspective every five seconds, and they're not doing all this stuff. And you just think to yourself. I guess it's kind of I often come out on this side of philosophy at the very end of it. It's like, well, you know, the real philosophy is stop asking. Because there's no answer, and you spend your whole life chasing your tail and just eat a sandwich. Go to the next thing. Do this. I can't do it all end up. Depress. But are you envious of other people that at least it appears? No and give me five minutes, and I'll I'll come up with fifteen things that I think they should be thinking about. Okay. Even if they seem like fine. I'm not like a lick Seinfeld. I love Seinfeld. Do you like Seinfeld? And do you ever watch comedians in cars idea? Right. And he has his like he's was Zach Galvani cassette. Was that? Zack is annoyed people. Yeah. Zach is annoyed with people filming him without his permission. I to get annoyed by that. And then I hear Jerry does go like kit over who gives a fuck. Yeah. I have no illusion of privacy out in the real world. And I think like God if he really thinks that that seems liberating I wish I could get there. But I think Seinfeld did get there this one of the reasons I like and to I think he worked really hard at it. He's like he just doesn't acknowledge that. He does that work. There's something about no he keeps that part out of it. He does. Because even when he's on stern. He'll really make fun of stern about his psychotherapy. Yeah. And yet somehow he does have some answers, Jerry. I think he's doing the work himself. He's kind of everybody might have their own path. And we might be totally wrong. But I would say, you know, it's interesting. He said something on that show once that I just really repeat to myself all the time. You know, we'll get there. And if it's this we'll deal with it. Like this idea like efforts closed we'll deal with it. A great attitude. Well, that's what I was gonna say when you were saying you lament maybe driving to the comedy store. The the thing I think is productive as opposed to me going. Well, if I'm not humble, all this will be taken from me oppose it that I'll go nothing ever in life is as big as my fear of it is so I sit around, and I I worry about things at night sometimes for two and a half hours. But real things happen to me all the time. Like, I you know, I was driving my car down the four oh five fucking broke down on the side of the highway at nine thirty at night. Now, that's something. If I think about that happening to me, it seems like the worst thing that could spend hours, and they just went straight into like solution mode. Oh, I got to get a tow truck. I got Uber. This'll be funny. Never uber. When I'm in the actual situation. I can roll with anything, and I love it. And then just honest about my history, very rarely if I been. Super uncomfortable in a situation that was just insufferable. That's right. But but regularly my thoughts go to this insufferable place. That's absolutely, right. As we're about to have a child. I find people keep trying to impose the fact Yannick and fear on us. But I understand it's going to be overwhelming. I understand we're not going to be sleeping very much. But you're going to be there. I take a lot of comforting going. It'll be us. It's not gonna be dream peed that has like shit on his hand for some really own shit of they love to say to you to like you'll be out with I'll be on with my beautiful little daughters. They're so fun. They're doing something. So cute in the very first sentence out of someone's mouth is way to they're teenagers about God. About God's like we'll get that person with a hockey stick. I don't need it. You know, what it is? That is the benefit to me of mindfulness of being there were often casting the line out way ahead of us. And we'll be there. We'll be kind. We'll be present presence is huge. Like so much of. It is just like I will be present with my daughter, and I will not panic. Here's what's hard doing work. You don't wanna do the that's hard? I've done lots of work. I didn't wanna do fucking Tassell in corn twelve hours a day. I did not want to do that. Yeah. You want to change the diaper and cleaner little, but all this little that those things aren't work listening. Being in love with an alarm clock. That goes off every ninety minutes like, but I love, but people leave that out yet because they're trying to rush and get through it, which also brings me the other thing you're saying like we shouldn't waste their time. And I understand what you're saying navel-gazing and slicing everything in talking about everything way too much, and I I agree with that. And I sometimes think that model is with the understanding that we're going to find an answer. Whereas I would say that the questioning and the wrestling the meals Jacob Jacob and Esau fame is the answer to this is a more mythic approach. It's not that we're gonna come at oh, meditation and yoga, and then we get enlightened or whatever it is. It's more like, no the conversation. And even the wondering if we're wasting our time by having the conversation is the point. Well, it's yeah. My li-. My my lifetime goal is to love process and not worry about results. That's really like the. If I agree minimally when I'm happy is when I'm just enjoying the process never thinking about the results. Yeah. I actually think it's quite funny. Is that this is rob Dawson almost made it the whole podcast without mentioning around us. I mentioned grumbling ropy here. Now, there's this thing same here is my rom toss, by the way. So we all have we all have guys. Yeah. Yeah. He talks about it's really funny. It's it's the idea that like you want ice cream, then you eat ice cream. And then you want water water, and then you want television elevation than you get sleep if sleep, and then you want coffee, and it's like, I think a lot of people sort of confuse the events of life as like life as what the point is the true, this is like we should be sort of hovering over all of that the desires can be there the attachment to them and the attachment to their outcome is what you're surrendering. So I want my car to start when I get in. But if we can sort of step behind that desire and not be so attached to it one of the practices that I have is called good episodes of my car breaks down. I'll actually say to myself good episode out loud. I'll go good episode meaning lightning. This were an episode. Yeah. It'd be a good episodes. That's like a season. Finale Pete's car breaks down. Or is it good fun bottle episode? Like, what's he gonna do? I think one of the reasons we like watching TV is because we can be. Passionate about it. We can't someone else's fucking someone else laundry. We are invested though, we care about them. We cry we laugh, and so we're invested, but we also know that we're on the couch. There's also something going on similar with your awareness is that you're stuck in. Dax like you're in there. And I'm in here, but you're also sort of witnessing it. And that's where some of the less attachment to your suffering comes. And that's where a little bit of peace comes. And when even like when my wife left me, you can look at the moment. Like that and go like holy fuck. What is Pete going to do here? And that does and you're referring to. Well that really happened. But yeah. So you were married prior. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. No. That's all for how long. Six years six hundred together for seven total then too lengthy period of time. It was longer than college in. How autobiographical is the show? It's a comedy. Yeah. But it's a comedy about a guy crashing. It's called crash. He's crashing on couches. But he's also crashing in life. It's one of those sort of there's cringe moments like pain, but there's also like real drama like I've cried on camera. I don't know once a season like Handmaid's tale or she is every episode, Bradley. There's a lot of emotion happening in the chefs produces your show rise. Right. And that's his specialty like comedy out of pain. That's why I pitch it to him. Yeah. So him. It wasn't like a it wasn't like you can make this happen because you jet appetite. What was I think this is like your sensitive? So were you able to go into that relationship going? This guy knows something. I don't know. Like, I I know how to be me. But if I go through his I actually think that's one of so this week at this Friday, we cut together. This thing that I was like this is the my it's me doing stand up this this sort of like pivotal moment in the show. It's it's like the finale of the last episode, and it's just like, I I go off script and and and on the day. I was improvising. And we got there like we got to what we needed we needed. This. It wasn't supposed to be hilarious. So it'd be heartfelt. And we're supposed to wrap up a lot of strings in the season supposed to be a little existential. And I got on the day very difficult might mean struck and you did it lightening strike. Yeah. And without a script is so proud of myself. I made it happen. The quality and the room the air changed and everybody felt a everybody at the monitors felt it, and I was like I've never done something. Like that where I feel like I was acting better because I was improvising and all this stuff. And I was like that's going to be the perfect way to end the season. So we cut it together. And we show to Jadan. He's just like, I don't think that's right. Oh, I had. I am. And because I trust him so implicitly if anyone else had said that I would have been like, we'll you're wrong. Sure. Yeah. Says it and my heart breaks a little bit. And I would all tell him that. I'll be like I really like this. Yeah. But I see what happens, especially when people like me reatives types manic types, I get very excited about my own work. Even as I'm telling you the story, I'm telling you how I made lightening strike in the improvising on that day. Well, does any of that? Is that in the show? You know, what I mean, are they going to be subtitles at the bottom say Pete was improvising along you could really feel it. So here I am doing this thing that I'm like, this is my favorite thing in the world. He says, I don't think it's right. And then I just I don't say this in the sad way. I surrendered to and he helps me be my funniest and my best. And then every once in a while like zen master, actually in a way, that's very confusing to me because I actually said when we edit it, I was like, there's no doubt in my mind jet is gonna love this. Right. And then he didn't. And that's that's what zen is. It's like confusing the student, but. After I thought about it. I was like he is doing the hard work of going. I'm protecting the show. I know you're he didn't say any of this. I know you're proud of yourself shar, and that's a good late night panels, married to this good for you. Oh, look at what a big boy. He will big beat even need us gripped. Yeah. You already writing your Golden Globe acceptance speech, he doesn't give a fuck and that's one of the geniuses of jet. Yeah. So the the show started up super autobiographical and then slowly life of its own. Did you feel any moral complications with talionis story? That was to people story. You mean my ex wife? Yeah. I really is in an amicable separation. Let's just started there. We haven't talked and I don't know it's been a decade. She had an affair, and she left me not this is totally comfortable talking about. Yeah. So I'm just sort of a black and white person. And I it sort of I have enough friends that haven't cuckolded me memorize, but. What are we going to get an ice cream cone? And is that somebody beat? It. There's a beautiful. I'm I'm not I'm only friends with like one of my exes for the most part. It's really with our. We're gonna be together forever. It didn't work. And it's like I'd rather not hang out again the in and the Yang. I'm like great friends with all my ex girlfriend. Well, you completely broadsided by it. Or did you have inklings of it? You had knowing clean. I just, you know, twenty two when I got married, and I was twenty eight when she laughed. Yeah. And I just it was a simpler time I was like you get married and you're married. I never underestimated the amount of work that goes into being married. I think I underestimated how complicated a healthy relationship is how nuanced it is because I thought we don't fight. I don't I'm never mean. We're always kind were silly. And we laugh, and I give her my time people always guess that. It was because I was on the road all the time or something, right? I was get really mad at that. Because I wasn't working that much. Right. So I was around a lot. And I wanted to be with her a lot. It's unfortunate that she sort of gets painted maybe in her life with a broad brush because she had an affair. Left. Yeah. And I've made this comparison before but there's that Bob Dylan lyric in if you see your say, Hello. And he says if you see her tell her I always respected her and doing what she did and getting free. So what was happening was. I wasn't seeing or acknowledging her in the fullness of who she was and I was actually where you little consume with starting this career and stuff. Oh, yeah. That's a whole other Tong of this to tongue tongue or who's trying to like just sort of clip her wings and simplify her and put her on a pedestal and make her very sweet and safe and easy, which it as we're saying this. I'm like Val is those things she is very sweet and save an easy. But my ex wasn't that. So I was sort of treating her like what I wanted in hopes that she would be what I wanted and she sort of it's very passive aggressive aggressive. But it seems sweet. So I'm being I can I just say, I'm very guilty. That to in the past. I have tried to whether consciously or unconsciously almost shape their personality. So it'll fit perfectly into the role need them to play a my married. We got married because we had sex, and I wanted to Chicago, and I was religious ESO in this. So what I did was not making excuses. But what I was doing was to make it work in the ways. I was twenty two in the ways that I thought as I like sweet I like say, I don't want drama. I don't want fighting. I'm threatened by by the way. I'm also I'm tackling something that's incredibly scary and almost impossible to that stand up or career in show business. So I want this other aspects of my life to be very simple. It's like John C Reilly is like I have enough drama in my work. So I don't want to come home to it. So is that idea that I was also an I'm very open about this now. My real love was comedy, which is a safer way of saying myself. Yeah. But she broke up with me. She actually said I don't want to be Pete Holmes as wife like that doesn't interest me. I I completely understand that. So the fact that I was like she was sort of an she very much nibbled my stand up, and I think I mixed the love and gratitude I had for that. Like I wanted to move to Chicago, right? I wanted to move to Chicago do improv Olympic and second city and get on that was like my goal, and I didn't want to go alone. This is so embarrassing, and I'm dating a girl and we had had sex and when we had sex. We got like engaged like we were going to do it. I was like sward of I was twenty two twenty two and I'm like, well, we'll get married, and then I'll go it's scary. When you've never been in the real world. I also went to a Christian college was like a bubble. It was so fucking safe and neutered. I wanted to move to Chicago and go every night into bars and trying to. Stand up and improv find an apartment get a car. Get a John be alone on top of all those alone. It was just like this is the summation of why I think my first marriage didn't work is because I thought of it as a box that I had ticked. Yeah. I I have a wife. Yeah. I think that's pretty common. And then I think to the whole reason you end up. Taking ownership of your own mistakes is to a recognize what you need to make amends for to the other person. But then once you've done that. That's that's steps required. So that you can eventually get to the part where it's okay now to forgive twenty two year old Pete. Yeah. You know? It's not okay to forgive yourself before you've said sorry to the people that were the victim of that. But but once you've done that work, and then you can actually go, and by the way, man, I was twenty two in this my first shot at all this, and I fucked up, and it's okay, I'm a normal. He I'm just like everyone else. Like that's the goal is to come out where you actually can can forgive yourself. Yeah. You're sort of making me realize that there probably is a part of me that would want to talk to her and and apologize in that way. We'll do you know what I think crashing kind of is sort of that. It's very weird backwards way of a message to a pigeon. You don't know if she watched it. But if she did I think she would see these little winks at like, I mean, the show opens with me disappointing are sexually and then disappointing her by leaving like three o'clock on a Sunday to do an open, Mike, and I'm just so oblivious about how she might be feeling and I leave and it cuts back to her on the couch. Looking like what the fuck? And the reason it cuts back because I'm in the edit, and I go now cut back to her on the couch like what the fuck like involved in that should I'm trying to keep us with her. I've said many times in the story of my wife's divorce you're rooting for my wife to leave. And just because it's the last thing that I wanted to happen. And even though technically I made this point when we were breaking up. I didn't do anything wrong. I was nice to her shirt. I said, you're trading. Good for potentially great because she had met this other guy, and she's like, that's absolutely true. But I do admire that she wanted something better. I she saw she sort of. I think she made the point. She was like you've already met the love of your life, and it's comedy. And then like, I couldn't be as emotionally and relational available. As I am until I met vow, which was after I already had a talk show, which got a lot of the the Mimi meanness out of my system, or at least how to manage it. And then I had a podcast and a stand up career. And these things were thriving. And then when I could sort of relax, my plane view was fed. I could go on right now. I can would I've been doing for the past ten years, which is focused on being a person apart from my show business you when you achieve those benchmarks in you. Actually, don't feel different. It's a great opportunity to evaluate. Oh, then what is going to make me feel different? It's you can it's only a luxury of having found out the right? The dream was falls. Like, you said very funny on my podcast. You're like if young Dax could hear me say a million dollars won't make you happy. It'd be like fuck totally. So you're right. We have the good fortune of getting to the place. What what I've noticed isn't. It doesn't feel good to to a certain extent. I believe the numbers fifty thousand to certain extent is making money and not having to worry about your needs being met does feel great. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And cinema. I'm glad we'll book I think for a family and even goes up to at least, you're. Still signer Platt plateauing at two thirty seven. Yeah. And then it starts getting diminished downturn. Yeah. It's always in the movie, happy, right? Move has a great movie. Yeah. So so, of course, we yeah. When you're knee needs to be met to me. It's not. Status or money or fame or any of these things doing what I feel like I'm supposed to be doing an answering the phone that rings in my heart. Yeah. That's where meaning comes from for me. I it just so happens it making TV show is wrapped up in that sort of stuff, but I'm not doing it. But again a circle back. It's actually the process that's giving you the esteems did you then have a a little bit of a laundry list of going into you in veils relationship that you said. I got a void a couple of these things. We'll one of them to not repeat a pattern. What the most important one was. Listen, and let people be let people be who they actually are. Yeah. And don't try to. It's so there was to like kind of like whispered again to forgive yourself to forgive yourself. You're trying you're actually in search of making them predictable. Yeah. 'cause again, you you grew up in a lot of that's right, but two I had met Val in a way I had calmed down. And I knew what my non-negotiables were. And now when I met vow she already knew I was a comedian. That was very, very helpful. It's it's it's the it's the self realized person have to be comedian is just like these ABC's of Barry and berry knows that he needs to fish one weekend a month where he needs to be in the woodshed doing this thing or this. And then you meet someone like Val who does to be Pete Holmes as wife not because of the celebrity. We don't give a fuck about hard. We don't go to parties. We don't go to gifting things whenever there's nothing fancy going on. But she loves being in the car with me when I'm silly. And we will laugh, and then I go. Me. Please Email that to me whatever I said, she's in it. She comes to the show. I do it. She's I hear writing in the wings. Everyone loves her more than me. There's no. And this is my wife like, she's there you manage their performers are drawn Hershey's comforting and nurturing everyone who I give a fuck about understands the beauty of Val, and the fact that I met her fully cooked. Yeah. I don't think I could have had a healthy relationship until I was like I need people to know a baseball player. Right, right. It was a comedian. But I need them to go that guy plays for the mayor. It's like, I want them to know. Like, it's embarrassing to talk about our egos, I suppose, but like my first wife, and I were like, maybe we'll live in Woodstock, and we went to Woodstock and the realtor we couldn't afford anything. We would say we have three thousand dollars three thousand dollars in the Bank. But they were like this house belongs to Houma Thurman, and I just remember quiet boys in my head going like. I don't wanna live somewhere until they go. Do you like comedy? This is Pete home. Like, I it's gross. Like, I had something the phone was ringing in my heart. And I maybe confused that with a desire for fame, but I had spent enough motherfucking time making peace at my dinner table, and I had spent enough motherfucking time lying that I was going to be a youth pastor at a lame ass Christian college being polite and shutting my fucking mouth. And once I was out. It was time to burn the God damn barn down. And I should have been more honest about that with my ex wife, I should have been like, I know sweet guy. But yeah, I have a huge act strapped to my back, and I'm going to run into that with the Bavarian hordes Bavarian cream pies. I'm gonna I need to do some ship. Yeah. But when I had met Val. The battle was over there were there was dead lambs and our silo on. I could just say would you like to talk about the? Meeting of life. Would you like to be silly with? No meaning. Yeah. I mean that was the time when I was emotionally available, and I think most careers require a pretty all in dedication to succeed at any whatever the career is it can get dicey. There was a deleted scene. Meet Lauren lap gets plays. My wife on the show, my ex wife, and I it was very surreal to act out these fights that my exit. I had had it wasn't the words but often than some of the spirit was carried through. And I was feeding her lines to say, it was actually things that I knew would make me cry because I had to cry or I wanted to crime scene, and then I had her say. Had her ask me if you're holding me over the cliff and comedy and the other hand like which one do you pull up you can like the good, son? And I had to think about it while I was thinking about it. She just went like bein falling. And that's that's what it was. It's grotesque. And it's not polite, and it's a little bit embarrassing. And it was my fucking low lifeline at well. I'm excited to talk to you again post baby PB because again, I'm going to be the annoying person. That's already apparent. But I think a lot of things will get crystal clear for you. Oh, well in the best things that can get crystal clear. Oh, what fun E-e-eh just everything getting their proportional right-sized importance? Yes, happens like that. Yeah. So whatever you think comedy is and serves in your life and the being in the belly. And all that shit. Yeah. My prediction is again, why say hate when people meet you with your kids, you know, wait till this. But I'm saying now. That thing that was a ten you'll now realize was at its best to four. That's what I want so bad. It's so again for me for a narcissistic ego maniac in search of endless approval. It was the antidote for me. People hate how much I rail on about having kids, but just for me personally. Yeah. Finally, giving a shit about someone more than myself. It was so liberating to me the whole pursuit of control needs to be jacked. It's actually not being that's best for us. Even though we have such version to chaos it actually is beneficial. Well, that's a very spiritual idea to that pain suffering loss and change are things that we should make friends with and I'm completely on board with that. But I said the Henry Winkler who did vicous I said to him. I was like I was in my bathroom. I was meditating at I. I wasn't being very good at it. I guess because I couldn't stop obsessing about a nose hair. I had and then I went into the bathroom and just spent way too long with a mirror vows like vanity mirror and her tweezers looking for this motherfucker and plucking and plucking crying because plucking them breathing. I'm like trying to see if it's real. It. And then I holding my nose up like chief Wiggham like pig nose and getting in their deep and and somewhere in the middle of that. I just I don't have some fucking kids. That story off Mike, and he goes, and I like, I I got up kids, and he goes three years in you'll be plucking again. I'm really I wanted to. I just want to plug the book because you mentioned me stopping drinking. Yeah. I don't have a sponsorship with this person Bryant. But because you don't go to a or no, I don't go to a and I'm actually curious because you did go through the program. I currently here in the program. Yeah. Book is called. This naked mind. The first title control alcohol is the second title. What I liked about the book for me was that aknowledged the idea that you might be addicted to alcohol, and you might have been taken over by something that lied to you all of these things that are like, here's the marketing. Here's what it does to you physiologically. Here's how people slowly drink more and more overtime. I wasn't like a twenty eight beers at the ballgame alcoholic. I was like a go home and have a bottle of wine every night, kind of guy or more. If it was like hard liquor. I just like drinking at the end of the day journey the nobody saw. Non eventful and controlled and Valerie sounds defensive. But I mean when I say Valerie wasn't like worried about my drinking. It was very madman. I come home, you pour. The Browns shot out the racket off inside your exactly, and I like it a little piece I actually have like really fun memories of playing video games on a Saturday and just drinking, and we lead dyslexia, right? When you wake up and you start drinking, right? When you wake up what a day. But then I noticed that. It was star. I was just losing control. That's what I liked the idea. This book is and this is the part that I'm not sure how a people would feel about it. But one of the things that appealed to me was that it said, maybe this is my ego. But let's remove you don't have to be an alcoholic to be addicted to alcohol for some reason. And maybe it was appealing when he said to my narcissism or might you go. It was just saying who cares. Let's just get you to not drink. Sure. For some reason. And that helped me get in a little bit more. I I don't care how people quit drinking. Yeah. I don't I don't have stock in a. Yeah. But I have noticed with a little bit of peculiarity that people are very hung up in a lot of the semantics of this stuff. So I've heard a lot of people be put off by a because you have to I admit, you're powerless, right? And people are like, oh, I'm not powerless over, you know, so triggering for them to be powerless. I'm fine with that one. Yeah. To me like owner abilities, generally the answer to all things. And if you don't think you're parallels zoom out e- space. Yes. Never mind the solar system inside of you that could give you like an aneurysm or like anything at any moment. The only thing I will the only thing I will argue against other approaches is I just as a rule of thumb like, I believe in gravity. I don't believe people think there ways into acting different. I think they act their ways into thinking different. So a program for quitting alcohol that doesn't involve some action. I have a low expectation for now it does work for people. And I would never tell someone it's not working for them. But just in general the thing I like about a is it's not abstract. Here's what you do. Write this list. Call this person be available to this guy. Take that person to a meeting like there is a. You can't wake up one morning because you're so demoralized from the night before in decide I'm gonna permanently. Remember that? I felt this demoralized in six years. Yeah. And and then this'll be sustainable. I for me. At least I I will forget six years later what about but if I have actions that are part of my regular muscle memory in routine. Those things will do the lifting for me. I hear that. And I know lately agree, and I also do think that there is a lot to uncover of why drinking would appeal to you in the first place. Yeah. I don't I think I do believe that it is a symptom of a disease the diseases and drinking. That's just a symptom of this other disease. We have quite often a Al go because we always say like why this alcoholic mind this alcohol blank Alcock, and I'll go this isn't alcoholism, this is being human. Yeah. These are human problems thing. Everyone can pretty much benefit from the the steps right now. I hear that. I think here. Even though I'm agreeing with everything you're saying, I would never go into that program because and right or wrong. I never reached a place where I felt like, oh, no, I don't have control over this. Or it's interfering with my life in any way. But again, this is another stumbling-block, that's really popular or ubiquitous. But you can March that all the way to me watching HBO documentary about drug addiction, which I watch in. There was a guy in New York City who would buy crack, then he would melt the crack and shoot the crack up, and I could tell myself, we'll talk. I've never melted crackdown and shot at up. Maybe I'm not an addict. Like, if if if you can only define yourself that way in comparison to someone else saying, it's less or more. It's so irrelevant. The point is you either were using something that stopped working for you. Or you weren't. Now. What level that was pretty immaterial in my opinion? You're either trying to regulate the inside with something from the outside, and it stopped working for you or you weren't and that's pretty much the definition of an ad as yeah. Yeah. It's not like did you lose your job or you pending? Liz, did you regulate your emotions with something? And did you get to a point where you realize that wasn't gonna work anymore? Yeah. Yeah. So to me, that's. That's an alcohol or an addict. With food with gambling with shopping, right? Any of those things where you're controlling the inside was shit on the outside. Right. And that stops working now. We're in trouble. Because now what like. Like think of fun drinking was and then think how many times you've been in a bar even the back label on a beer bottle Bruton 'em Heuser Bush in years reading over and over until St Louis. How embarrassing for me? Yes. The scariest moment of had my life was I'm drunk and bored out of my mind reading the label on this over and over again because it stopped working now. Now, what do I do because I don't even the fucking medicine because Ray don't longer working, right? I will this book is very very thorough. You know, what it is? It's like Alan cars book, but smoking easy way. Oh, it's one of these things that like, I still think it's really great. I'm not saying I won't at some point. Maybe do a because that does sound interesting to me. Yeah. But there's for an entry into getting the off booze. I recommend the audiobook I would say if you like drinking and you'd like to keep drinking don't read it. It's like one is books that you're like because here's what I liked about. It is shifted does narrative. It's not like it's bad for your liver. People don't like you when you're drunk or you shouldn't change your insides with your outsides. There's none of that. It's just like alcohol made you it's bitch. You're a bitch. Yeah. It's not mean like this. But it's like you were lied to. It's a very addictive chemical. You can call it alcoholism or not either way you are addicted. You thought you had control. It doesn't have to be like we're saying I woke up with the car keys in my ass sorted where I've been Williams stories. Yeah. It can just be like my rock. Bottom was I came home. And I was going to sit on the couch and watch them stuff. And I forgot we had a friend staying with us, and I just went to the back house. But on my way, I just picked up. I like soccer just picked up a bottle of sake. And poured myself a big glass into the back. I didn't drink it. Because I looked at it like you at the beer label. And I was like what am I? Doing like, I what it was was. I didn't remember giving myself the order like get some wind or why I wanted one or whatever I had a minor inconvenience. And then I was like why should get amored and just sort of time travel to the next morning. So it wasn't like like you said it's not like a great story is a pretty boring story. But I like the the the book came at it from a place of just like you don't have to think of yourself as a. As an alcohol as an alcoholic retire. I think I'll start doing all those drugs again. Really? Yeah. When kids are safely at college and stuff drag get a golf cart, drinking all of it. Just all of it. No my own thing. My whole thing is once I no longer operated car in my penis doesn't work. I'm safe to do all those things again is we can't trust me on any of those things while my penis is still working in while I can drive a car. What if I'm in the retirement community? I only travel by golf cart. My penis isn't work fucking bring it on. That is hilarious. We'll be I love you really glad that we got to do this. I know they really do want to talk to you post baby. Like, maybe maybe like a year after you've had your little baby in. Thank you. Thanks. And now my favorite part of the show. The fact check with my soul mate, Monica Padma n-. Backcheck dearly. Tempting team working at the fact check Di Di Di Di Di Di Di thousand nice nice and short. It was nice sustained. Although you did say you were going to start making song about me. I know he and I haven't had any time yet. But I'm going to get. Anyway. Hi, how you doing good? How are you? Real hungry. Miniature mouse has got a ferocious appetite hungry. What are you gonna eat? When you leave here really want a talion food or you do maybe some lasagna, maybe some lasagna Lovell's on ya. Yeah. I don't know. But I am starving. You want something substantial you want some carbohydrates. Want some some noodles? But I I know what I always want that. We all do I think so how do you train yourself to not want that? I know. Well, I'll tell you how it happens because you, and I both watch mom e and she eats perfect. Right. I mean, she's she's disease. Sorry at a baked potato. Okay. Let's not put. Baked potato. Yeah. More potatoes more potassium than a banana. Okay. And tons of carbs bo-. Yeah. We'll carts aren't necessarily bad. Are they they're they're not empty empty carbs or it's not perfect eating to eat a being Kato with sour cream and cheese on it. I'm just. I would even one of the hotdog crammed in it like us the potatoes. A Bunn o. All right. Let me rephrase it. Okay. Our mom eats a ton of vegetables while you sit down with her and she's got like four courses in vol four vegetables. And I always look at it. And I'm like, how can she do it? But I have at times gone on diets and then by day three of eating like her it, all tastes good. It's like decompress from how good that other shit is in reset your bar. Yeah. I think that's true. I like if you kind of just train your brain that it doesn't need to taste good. Not everything needs to taste amazing. Then you then things start tasting good. Then Brock which I love broccoli. But broccoli starts tasting good. When we're not deciding between that and lasagna. We'll even I was vegan for a year. Right. And during that time, I was at work, and they had a baked potato bar. So I couldn't put sour cream on it. Butter cheese any of that. Right. But I haven't had that stuff in six months or something, and I just took a bite of the goddamn potato, and it was fucking delicious. And I was like oh my God. It's been my whole life since a potato tasted good without a bunch of shit on it. But it was damn good. Just getting into this, bud. Yeah. You know, yummy potato on its own. It was good. But if I it today, I'd be like barf 'cause I had a friend who was asking who who was trying to get on a diet who is trying to get their body healthy. And she was asking me what I ate for lunch. And I was like, well, if I'm if I'm doing, well, I eat a salad for lunch, and she's like that doesn't taste good. And I don't know what to tell you. It's not everything needs to taste like your lunch doesn't have to taste good. When I've been unlike crazy diets for movies at that point. I just tell myself. No, you're just eating because you need to eat to stay alive. This isn't a highlight of your day. You're gonna have to make something else. A highlight your day. This isn't a source of pleasure. It's source of sustenance. Yeah. But sometimes when I'm eating really, well, I feel a little bit. We this is gonna sound horrible hunker good. That's what we're always go for an I'm eating really healthily. I can tell I'm in my brain, not very healthy. Like, I'm using that. I get really strict about it. And we're roads controlling it's very controlling. So sometimes when meeting healthy, I'm like, oh, actually, I'm. Not in that good of a place because I'm super focused on this. I can only eat this avocado for breakfast. I'm trying to lose weight. I'm just trying to regulate. Emotions probably. Yeah. Yeah. But so who's to I don't know. I don't know either. Now, I know sometimes like when I when I'm in the convincing mood like I wanna eat a whole fucking cheese pizza. Yeah. I tell myself why even be alive. What do I wanna live so long just so it cannot enjoy it right then? And that makes a lot of sense to me in that moment. And then other times, I'm like, no, you feel like shit when you like that. Right now. Okay. I'll buy you. Let me call them right now. PP thank you for calling Lewis. Anyway. So the bottom line is the verdicts out we don't know what you're going to eat when you leave here down. Hopefully, you'll update everyone Thursday. Okay. So Pete heater homes. So this old house Bob via ESO. That's so it's Bob Vila. Well, is it it is. I looked it up. And it's spelled with one L A hall. I accept it. I thought it was the I L LA. I know and Robert decides that that we don't pronounce l l with a why if it's a Spanish word doesn't mean it is a problem with this. Yes. People know how to say their name like I had this friend. I should say your name. I had this friend in middle school and her last name was Kanoute sin, and my mama dairy product with the Cayenne you d like the cottage cheese Knudsen. Cottage cheese. I don't know about that. Oh, but it was Kanoute sin and her, and my mom was like, no, it's it's that that k is silent. And I was like no she knows her name. How arrogant of you to think, you know, I didn't say that. I probably said something worse. But how arrogant of you to think, you know, somebody else's name better than them like Riyan arena? A big one. She pronounces it reenter in that is of the sector of. Yes, she pronounces her name reenter. Yes. Because it's any God. He goddamn national climb up that draft highness. I Gordon Heine. What do you even? Haunches I was mixed between launches and hind Carlini Daska. I if you have permission to do that. But yeah, I would never mount someone's hindquarters without, you know, some consent consent be that physical or verbal or whatever. Right. You know, we we do talk on here. Like people ask who are hall passes. We Christians are well documented, and I never really have an answer. Okay. So she's putting her on the list. All right. This extra don't. I don't think that's fine. I don't think it is a draft as a majestic. You know? She's got a long. She's got long torso. Nah. I shouldn't be calling women naming them after animals. It's feel so complimentary the anyone that knows reenter ask her. If she finds a complementary to be called this extra. What have we found out that? Let's say that Zach Braff you found out referred you as the Sexton Chila, I hate that. Yeah. Jill. Wouldn't it? Wouldn't you want them to just be saying sex anything? No, see that's the difference since the breakdown. Teach me you're seeing her as simply a sexual object a sexual animal, actually, not Giradi person. She's a person not a horseshoe. Sexual animal super talented person. Hewing not in. No, there's one oh. By the way. It doesn't feel comfortable always to have to think all these men are seeing you purely as a sexual being we're just talking about my. All pass right now. So it's really about sex. You said why wouldn't you want sex in front of any name? No sex route. Is there an animal though, that you would like to be called sex blank. Now. I just mean it's not all that comfortable for a woman to feel like every single man on earth wants to have sex with her because that's dangerous. There's danger there. We're getting to a genuine conversation now. Would you do you not want people that you like to think of you a sexy and sexual? People that I like not every person on the street. No, I don't I don't wanna be walking on the street in a guy sitting on the curb to think that or to see my body and think that so complementing myself, I guess, I'm maybe I'm era Ghent at this moment. But I I give myself enough credit that Riano would like knowing that I'm sexually attracted to her. Okay. Do you think she would or want it? I don't know. I don't know. A her opinion is no. I know I'm just wondering if you would hearken guess, well, I don't know how she would feel about you just calling her that. I don't know. She might love it. She might. I don't might hate it Rehana. If you don't like it on never say it again. And if you like it, I will say saying, yeah. Also, why would he call me a chinchilla? I it was the first funny animal name, I could think of it. Which is I do stand by the fact that chinchillas a funny name. They also don't have any be a funny name something I was trying to make you laugh. So I was trying to pick a funny animal that I could put sex in front of that would make you giggle. How you were trying to make a point a real point. Always priority is trying to make you laugh. I think over a point. But maybe not. Okay. Well, anyway, anyways, if anyone call me, a chinchilla I would feel upset, but in that out is the run animal again, it's now it's meant Damon someone you really want to think you're a sex machine. Smoke show. Okay. Those words will. Okay. But is there an animal that you would would be your preference that they said a sex something? I guess what? I'm wondering. If like, I can definitely well, it's obvious the guys tattooed on their bodies. Like, there's some pretty generic popular animals guys want to be associated with a wolf. Yeah. The lion a bald eagle, and I'm just curious of women have any animals. All right. There's like for a lot like there's like, you know, Panthers or like sex. Sex panther. Thanks panthers. Probably something they get said. Yeah. Well, and was that the name of the Cologne in anchorman. Don't look. Oh, I don't look. Or was it made of panther parts? I don't think it was sex panther there. Well, what if what would what would have been Aflac always referred to you as the sex panther? I'm into it. I hope you are. Well, why why do you hope I am like why is that like a positive thing? And it's a negative thing. If I'm not it's not it's not negative. It would just. I like it when you're excited. So I'm wondering if if you found out Ben Affleck referred you as a sex panther. If you would feel a little spring in you're stuck. Well, I guess I like he hasn't had sex with me. No, nor have I with re. And yes, so you don't know. No. I don't know how it's all fantasy. Right. So what you're really saying? Is you're not saying she's good at sex. You're saying I want to have sex with that person. There's some people I think love sex and don't have sex in the I couldn't prove it in a court of law is we have vibes about who we think's good and bad news. Not good in bed or else. I wouldn't even have a fantasy about or why would they even why have a sexual fancy about somebody? You're not gonna at least assume they're great in bed. Like when don't you think Matt and banner good in bed. That is actually very little to do with the fantasy for me. But when you allowed I think the fantasy is so much more about the person when they're giving you not at not sexual. The sex will be great. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You wouldn't like fantasize about someone where that at the end of the fantasy the sexist terror. Yes. You would change people. Great. Okay. You are saying what I'm saying that when you call her a sex draft, you are saying I want to have sex with that person. You said you're saying you want to have sex with a giraffe. Well, we really broke it down drilled into it. I think if I called her like, a sex Keady or sex mouse for something to me that would imply almost a level of misogyny like I wanna little tiny creature. I'm gonna control whereas I'm actually saying I'm intimidated have sex with reenter. God grant me some strength. Please this thing. Okay. Getting worse. Burn the whole. I don't know. I don't know. But I'm just saying for women when when a whole bunch of men are labeling them as sexual that's dangerous. Yeah. I mean, people can be sexual and women can own their sexuality, and all that's great. But but to nickname person sex, something it just it just reduces them down to one thing. And that one thing can be about male power. So it's hard. No, do we think it's relevant to like evaluate my full pattern of behavior. Like, we talk about all the time on here. And I'm never just talking about them as a sex object. But for my get out of jail free hall pass. Yeah. That doesn't mean she's a sex object. That's the the the language is not going. Well, okay. I don't I don't think you can ever referred to anyone as a sex object. Will you marry a person not an object? They're not something for you to please myself with and then leave on the floor like a chair or married. I'm going to have to leave a venture -ly. I know what you're saying. Can you just call them people? Yeah. Yeah. Again, I'm trapped in that. I would love it if reenter anyone looked at me as a sex object. I would be like, oh, they just want to fuck me that same now. That's so flattering now. I know so it's hard to imagine that that wouldn't be flattering. But if I believe you saying I this gets so tricky because I'm not saying it's not flattering. But it's different. When a woman says it, yes, it's much safer safer. It is safer unless I'm meet her at some point. And I say to her like, hey, you know, I I don't know why. But I like to think of you as a sex giraffe. How do you feel about that? And she's like I love that. Then I'll report back. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because if like Ben or Matt or someone who I finally sexually attractive came up to me and said, I think of you as a sex kitten or a sex chinchilla. Chila? I use said that anyway, do you think I actually thought in my head? What animal you resemble? I could look at me in the eyes that didn't happen. I was searching by. But I don't think you even know what it's Ingela looks do almost got one in college. I believe you most people don't know what it in Chila looks like they're very bizarre. No one has one. I went through my Rolodex name of animals in. I thought of the funniest the funniest one that jumped out I was chinchilla because it sounds funny Sexton Chila. Yeah. Anyway. But but they said listen, you ran into man a room someone you're sexually. They said I think of you as a sex panther. My reaction would be I like that. I think I would say that. But I don't know if that's just because I'm like conditioned to want that one I've sexually. But then if we had Saxon they left, I wouldn't be happy. I think the answer to it is what do you want to be seen as like, I don't think that thing you'd want most to hear from Ben or Matt is that they love your brain. Even though that your favorite party yourself. I think you, and I share that in common where I'm like, I get it. I have a good personality. I want you to think I'm hot I want you to think I'm physically track are insecure me want security. I think we share that income. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Many people think you're a sex panther. Okay. The conversation about some guys like using basically their outward feminism. Yeah. Yeah. Be attractive. Yeah. I just think that is is short selling those people so much. What you what you and I don't agree on what Kristen, and I don't agree on is that you believe there are men that aren't trying to attract as many women as humanly possible. The I don't, and I I and I don't believe that. I know we have different opinions on that. And I respect yours. But I think every single guy wants as many people to like him as as possible and then their evaluating what strengths they have in their leaning into those in. They're trying to downplay whatever things they think are not attractive about them. I think all animals on this planet are trying to attract mates. I don't think. Humans get out of it. No. I. But that's not men every person is trying to make themselves. The most attractive version of who they are in th-, right? Yeah. I just don't I I know you think every guy is like that. And I don't I know I know guys that aren't that are not looking around at every single girl in thinking, I wanna fuck them. They're they're not some are zip possible though. I mean, just consider this possibility. That as a woman, you're not letting on that that we don't let you in on that that we know not to let women on that. Because I have a million times been absolutely shocked by this person who I thought was a sexual or was a nerd or wasn't all these things. And I'm watching them in there watching the girl with the big boobs walk across the room. And I look at him. And then he smiles and I go, oh, no, he's animal whose male. It's what we are. He didn't talk about it. He doesn't do this or that. But I I mean, I just can't tell you. How I being on the side where it's safe to acknowledge your you think someone's boobs are nice. There is no pattern. There's no personality type. Visit a guys are. Their animals that wanna procreate. I don't think there's some that. Don't I think they're a bunch of different personality types? But I think. All the guys you put all ten of them in a row every single type you walk a naked lady by with big volume est breasts. They're all have the same reaction. Maybe. Maybe we don't. But I I. I think that there's definitely degrees. And I think sure I think you're right. I think every guy probably who saw your sex giraffe won't buy it. They probably would like it. Yes. Heterosexual guy all kinds of things than come after that like some guys nervous. He he would never want to have sex with her because he'd be too terrified. He couldn't please her or in. Another guy's issue would be XYZ. Like, there's any number of outcomes of how the behavior then would manifest itself. But I do think the original thing would be the same. And then just all the different things that make up someone's personality kick in all these layers in the outcome could be dramatically different one of the guy's going to say hi to her. Now, they're guy's gonna she looks at him. He's gonna turn around embarrass really quick. But the, but that woman shoot it in. Herbert that the guy who turned around embarrass versus the guy who said Hello to them had a different different physiological response to what they saw. Yeah. You know? But I don't think that person who decides to not approach her is doing that. As a tactic to get more women. Like, that's what I'm saying. It's not all not every motivation. Not everything is about that. I agree with you. I agree with you one hundred percent. And I also think some guys do use it as what's attractive to women about themselves is that they are a super outspoken advocate for women. I do think that that also exists. It is attractive. Yeah. I'd be attracted that was a woman. Yeah. Anyway, oh, you said use it having a bachelor party is an alpha move in that claiming a whole weekend with the Brose is alpha. And then you said if you told your wife, you're having a bachelor party, and she would have she would have laughed herself. Silly much less a weekend in go on weekends with your friends. Sometimes. So I have to fact motorcycles. Yeah. Oh, I've been a bachelor Bono. I am not in any way saying that my wife wouldn't encourage me to go do the things I like in grant me time. She does that for sure she would never grant me a weekend to go to Vegas and go to strip clubs. Yeah. It wouldn't as you wouldn't fly in my house is all I'm saying. I totally disagree Askar. I will when we first met. Let me tell you something she said, I don't ever want you to go to a strip club. I think everyone in a strip club. It's working. There is a victim of trauma. It yet. I didn't. Antill? I did in Thailand because I was brought by the girlfriends and wives of the cast to a strip club in the whole time. I'm like I'm fucked like the I'm going to have to tell her I'm at this strip club. But they they just said let let us take you out in Bangkok, and I ended up at a shemale bar and then just a normal strip club. And then I used to tell the story and stand up the they tried to call me on stage in by. Luckily, I didn't go I was feeling very codependent. The old lady was running. It was like oh going you. Come upstairs just doing crying signs like oh, come on their sad. Luckily, one of the women stopped saved me from having to go on stage. When the guy who went up on stage. They did bring a guy up sediment, a chair us over there. Looking at his buddies turned his head to the right when he turned back a stripper come onstage, and she ran and she threw her leg up over his head onto a pole and smack right in his mouth or vagina was in his mouth with an under a second. He was looking at his friends like AM onstage. Turn fan right in the mouth. And I was like holy fuck. My whole life flash. Before my eyes. I was like I was almost the guy in that chair in there were all these Australians that liked parenthood. They were yelling crazy crazy. And I'm in they had cameras. There would have been a photo with me with vagina in my mouth in Thailand. I panicked. I it was like it was like seeing someone get hit by a bus where I was walking. I was like holy fuck this all almost ended. So I got home, and I told her that whole story, but it required that much of a story for to have been okay for me to be in a strip club in Thailand that you're talking about a about a very standard. You're talking about a bachelor party where they're strippers in your view. That's all I was referring to like. Yeah. I'm thinking of the old fashioned traditional wild weekend. Naked girls lap dance. You know? And that that's definitely a big majority of them are that. Yeah. And true. And this that I couldn't never had that. I. Want the have by the way, I feel about strippers. Yeah. I don't like being a customer. Yeah. Yeah. So it wouldn't have been for me. Anyways. Right. The Sean Hayes play about God is called an act of God act of God. Yeah. You perform the shit out of that Betty did I've never seen. Someone say more words in a two hour span in my whole life. I was in flop sweat just watching it. He's so talented. Oh, you you you talk about how sometimes they'll be with your kids and people will come up in your enjoying your time. They'll say like wait till they're teenagers. And you don't like that which I understand ally. In that, of course. But I think what they're trying to do is tell you that they have kids and connect with you on that. Yeah. So it's it's not meant to make you feel like no, it's all my issue there. I would also argue they're imploring me to really enjoy. This. People just want to connect. They just don't know how. Yeah. You know? I just I'm like who are you to tell me my kids are going to be terrible. When they're it's all mean. Yeah. Yeah. I feel judged right, Malcolm. Glad wells book, and the movie happy about money that money statistic came up again, how much money makes you actually have. And according to a new analysis, by wealth experts. This was in two thousand seventeen experts say that happiness does increase with wealth. But the correlation peaks at earning seventy five thousand per year, seventy five grand, that's it. That was the last data in two thousand seventeen. That's crazy. Isn't it? Just doesn't again again. I think location is a factor. Big time take time seventy five grand in New York City in Manhattan. He added lock motherfucker, you're gonna be panhandling ES. But I always think that when we're in New York, oh, this is an awesome city. But I'd wanna be a billion billion dollar driven everywhere in buckets. Towncar? But I told you this when we were there we were there 'cause Christopher shooting a movie, and I was with the girls a lot. And we technically had that we had because we were there for the production. So we had a nice permanent wasn't huge. But there was space much more than what most people have in New York City, and we had accent equivalent of probably like a three million dollar apartment or four million dollar probably. Yeah. And it was still so hard. It was still so hard to live there. 'cause I always thought that I was like, oh, I guess you'd have to have like a billion dollars or twenty million dollars to be able to do this. But really, it's just hard. It's hard to raise kids in that city, regardless of how much money you have. Yeah. But I will reiterate the thing they always say about New York, which I do agree with is it so weirdly democratizing city. Because once you leave that really nice apartment you are on the exact. Same sidewalk is everyone else in your dealing with the same flight of that many people and everything I need you can't escape. There's no special sidewalk line gray box. It is just wouldn't wanna have kids there. Yeah. Yeah. You can do it on your own. But boy two year old about the dart out in front of a cab seeking of New York. You were just there. And I tried to surprise you. And it didn't work out. There is it. There's a cheeseburger in New York and Emily's in Brooklyn Brooklyn. Oh that we had when we were there for a live show. And it was the best spurt hammer we've ever have ever by a factor of three or four. It was so good. And can I just say what happened is we we looked at the price and the price was twenty seven dollars for the hamburger. Yeah. I said to you this is fucking noxious twenty seven dollars for a hamburger get the fuck outta here. The burgers arrive. D-d-d after my very first bite. I looked at you. And I said this burger is very underpriced. Pay after eating I would pay eighty dollars. I really I would of course. I wouldn't eat it every day. But yeah, the, yeah. I mean, anything under a hundred I'm I would probably it's a steal. Yeah. It was urge them jacket up that high. But but I mean, I put it against any fucking bone in rib eye you'd ever have somewhere, Dryades, whatever that people would spend ninety dollars on stuff. The onions I mean, it was super base hanging on it. Oh, so I reached out to them to see if we could get one delivered to your hotel. And they this was your version of the parents coming to the show this pavement failed. Well, no. So then I we contacted Emily direct low. Really? Yes. You spoke with Emily exton. Yeah. She's a real person. Yes. Oh my goodness. Where did you feel like you were talking to a movie star? It was really exciting. But she said under no circumstance won't they let a burger leave their establishment like in whole like that. And she said, even if Barack Obama asks she would say, no oh God. I had to like, okay. I get it. What if someone was died tax or acts is dying and figured out? The only thing that'll say on the twenty seven dollar hamburger. She would. I don't know if she would it. It was sad. But I probably went to people that live in Brooklyn right now that are like shut the fuck up or I don't want to have to wait three hours. It's already rough. Yeah. Sorry. That was we got there like five PM, and we just barely and it was still flows full. Yup. Yup. It's a good bargain at want it so bad we well that was going on five months ago. And I don't think we've ever gone thirty six hours talking about it. Shown the pitcher of the burger to maybe like a hundred people should we should post on Instagram account that one you sent me. Yeah. Which is the one I always show people. All right. All right. Thanks, emily. No, thanks. You know, thanks and thanks for nothing. I wish I could have that for dinner. Oh. That burgers a sex giraffe e. Yes, it is. To sex burger Saxton chiller. All right. I love you.