4 Episode results for "Candice Thompson"

Candice Thompson

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

2:39:34 hr | 1 year ago

Candice Thompson

"You you made it weird with me homesick. What's happening? Where does this? Incredible Candice Thomson. KENNISON'S A hilarious stand stand up comedian. Who I met doing lights out with David Spade? She's one of the writers on that show and we are always paired together to prepare for the panel and as we talk about in this episode. We've just hit it off so hard and so fast. This sounds weird. I mean we're pals and funny pals and and I enjoy talking to her. I enjoyed talking to your on this podcast just as much as I hoped that I would. I do WANNA say I'm out on the road. Doing stand up. The next dates are in Brea OXNARD NASHVILLE SAINT LOUIS CLEVELAND. Not Cleveland Cleveland I was reading. I'm scrolling San Jose Houston and Phoenix. All of those dates are available Pete. Holmes DOT COM. It's me and the incredible. Lara are a bites It's such a great show. Obviously it's a new our stand up and I am loving this tour and loving everybody. That's been coming out. Also if you're in the Los Angeles area the the next living at Largo show is on February seven you can go to Largo Dash. La Dot Com for tickets. The last one was this past Saturday. Jet Abbott how was their Neal Brennan. It was just fantastic So thank you to everybody that came out into all the comics who performed and the music. It's always the highlight of my month. So come on out if you can. I do WANNA give a shout out to the Pete's picks one of which I this is my alphabrain right here on the desk made by our friends at on it. Alphabrain is a new atropine. It's like a vitamin for your brain for your noodle for your thoughts for your creativity for your imagination for your focus. It it says right here helped shown to help support memory and focus clinically studied which is so which is so important which is so important It helps with memory it helps concentration whenever I have to do. Stand up whenever after. Write a script for crashing or otherwise whenever I have to write stand up whenever I have to do a podcast even when I'm just going out and hanging with friends and frankly sometimes when I'm just feeling a little bit low in energy and I'm drinking coffee or I'm going for a walk and I just can't find it it's often because my brain just doesn't have the nutrients it needs to operate. And that's exactly what Alphabrain is its earth grown ingredients aw clinically shown to help us use our brains and our imaginations. I wish I had this in school. I'm so glad as a creative person that I have it now. I'm muscle. Glad as a human being that just helps me be in the world and use my brain. I mean what don't use your brain for Alphabrain helps not in a coffee. Weight's not a stimulant it doesn't can get you up or jittery. It just helps your brain fine and use the nutrients it needs to operate. What a miracle I swear by it I always have it in my car? Have It on my desk ask I have it in my carry on. I'm never far without either. The pill form or the powder form which I have right here. I don't know shaking things like you. Don't believe me. But the the powered for Mrs Natural Peach Flavor. It's actually quite delicious. I take it straight. Because I'm a Weirdo. You can add it to water and it gets into your blood that much faster so if you want to show show your support of this podcast and try something that I swear by and use every single day go to it on it dot com slash cleared. And you'll get ten ten percent off any of the products you see on that landing page there. Speaking of wonderful mood elevating life improving superfoods. There's Java Java is is usually my breakfast lunch and sometimes frankly it's my dinner because it's the easiest most nutrient dense happy food. I'm going to call it happy food. Good that I've ever found because gives way nutrient overload. They went into the jungle literally. The CATAVA team is hard core and they go on expeditions and to find the most nutrient rich superfoods that have been revered by tribal culture for centuries and they've brought them here I it's one hundred percent plant based as to say superfood drink. Mix in the bag. You get Omega threes. Everybody knows how important Omega threes are but you get it from Chia and flax so plant based sources eight super fruits seventeen Greens and veggies. There's no gluten. There's no soy. There's no artificial sweeteners or preservatives. It's got coconut milk. DOC which I think is a secret ingredient because cokie powdered coconut milk mixes with the water makes it taste like a chocolate milkshake. It's incredible a thousand milligrams. Grams of adapt degen's twenty four grams of plant based protein nine grams of fiber. But here's the thing it's actually delicious. Val loves it I love it. Sometimes we make it with almond milk and frozen. Strawberries tastes like strawberry chocolate ice cream. And it makes you feel amazing and makes you feel full. A lot of people have been tweeting at me about Good Java. And they're like I can't believe it's true. I have a Catava smoothie it's so simple it's so fascinating keeps me full for hours and hours without any hunger pains because you're getting what your body body is craving. You're getting what your body needs. So if you're interested in eating more plant-based but don't know where to start. I always point people to Java. Or if you're already on the plant thing throw a handful of Kale in your catava and get get freaky with it. That's what I do. Who Cares? Get Nuts see how nutrient high kept from one smoothie twenty percent off twenty percent catava dot com slash. Weird that's K. A. C. H. A. V. A. dot com slash. Weird and wash. Wash your alphabrain down on on it dot com slash weird and show your support of this podcast. All right gang. Hope to see you out on the road. Brea Oxnard Nashville. Saint Louis Cleveland San San Jose Houston and Phoenix. And in the meantime enjoy my lovely chat with a talented candidates Thompson get into it get get into it. What is it what what is what is often hello? People activate secretly. Of course yes. Of course I saw something online. I am not GonNa make you represent your race ahead. Well you know it's interesting to talk to anybody about it. That's your MIC gramophone welcome. Yeah girl see I WANNA be a black woman so bad I was actually talking to mullany about. It's nobody's funnier than black women. The perspective and power of a black woman. And that's why we're all single. I didn't I say I said the Valley I was like you're going to love her. You are GonNa love her. You'RE GONNA WANNA be friends by building. Some people hate me. It's okay I was looking very bye-bye but got a shriek of art. Forget how much pure emotion. We're all feeling because she lets it out. But we're we're taught to hide it. Man I feel bad for you guys. I feel bad. I was just talking about how people like steal the essence of black women. Because there's nothing funnier. Absolutely absolutely there is something about oppression that makes people funding. I know I know I'm not breaking new ground here. Look at what what every gay got so many gay guys. They're doing black women. Good choice stole it from us and now they have owned it and they're doing it. Better actually got so much better after you. Joyce Payne breeds comedy. It's the same thing. Yeah it's the same the comets. We know that a lot of what we went through is why we're funny right. Says you got to do something to make the day pass right. Which is why the the suburban white kid growing up and listening to hip hop makes a lot of sense to me? Actually because he's looking for some struggle. Yeah you mean like he's looking for or she is luther sort of identity yes the identity. Makers why is the door open. This is this is this is not a new thing. Well he's coming to see. Oh that goes back to the babies. That's what I mean. So when the door was open and the dog was barking yes my baby would have gone. You know what I'm saying and that was your version of the baby coming out experience. That's what I'm saying. It's a wonder that any of us are doing as well as we're doing. No because we are all screaming babies on the inside and like even the guy that's like he's still doing better than a baby and he is feeling the baby is feeling I mean on the on the inside absolutely Louis but at least with an adult you can communicate so you have. That's why that's why you said better than the baby because at least we have the car keys we can go drive somewhere or go them for your surging charging sometimes if that helps you work stick to the hits Jingling keys. I hate you so much. No you're right. That's what my therapist uses A. It was like you have a car. It was like you can get like whenever you'd be a weird situation to the ocean. Don't jump in and don't don't do that weird of all all the ways of killing herself. The I'm going to swim can't swim back now. That's horrible what are you doing. That sounds awful. You WanNa die a cold pool of blackness. I'm I'm going to do it at night just to really. That's my worst is being swept away by the ocean dude and also will actually at thought. It was my worst fear until I saw gravity. Gravity did you see gravity with Sandra bullock. The Ocean in the sky. Yes Sky Ocean is what they should have called me when she's flipping when George Clooney. He still out compete. Floating is cold enough that he preserved so he still looks like cleaning. Say he has an aged. You know the next time you watched gravity the next time you watch a movie. You're like you're back in your we need to know how like he's in like a Coen brothers Mooney like how did you get back. There's there's a part of your brain that's like. Let's say you were floating into the abyss. Forget this movie. I WanNa know how you got back to his ship. That is the only clooney role that ever resonated with me. I understand the Clooney Clooney. Clooney's him he's handsome. He does the job. But there's nothing that I've seen him do. That's like damn that was fantastic and memorable I think claiming those. He didn't mean to interrupt but I was so excited to agree with you. Even though I recognize clooney as a national treasure that he is absolutely UAE. You ever do that all the way. Why do we know who they they are all the time? Twenty one jump street I was like why are we. Know channing. TATUM is you know why he's great by the way I like it. I think he's Super Fun. I think he's funny. He's not just like passing funny no like some. He's got some taps when handsome muscular started making their way into comedies. Not everyone can do it in June any fires I say shoot any fires. I don't even know what that means but I know what you meant. Shots fired is what they'll yeah so. I don't WanNa shoot any fires good. Looks and comedy don't normally mic. That took a while for the rock. It did take a while and then he figured it out out he did but it's a very generous world for the rock where they're like we'll give you twelve movies. Figure it out and then he's like wait a minute wait a second now. I got it nineteen years in Vinnie. Vin Diesel. Like two two and they were like embiid and he's gone. He took his. He replaced him. He's like diesel. He's diesel to point out and then diesel cast him in fast. Furious away then up to diesel to do that. I believe is the diesel makes that franchise route. I think he's the executive producer. Oh he was a good Miami and he brought. I can't do. I don't I wouldn't even know where to begin. He's is one of the people I don't. I can't do an impression of I. Really don't know what he sounds like. He's a bit clean. Why do we know who he is? except I fear nothing that he's done that memorable but what is cleanse. It's fast fear to tell you right now for me is gravity was the only movie that I really was like. I remember like I couldn't I reference that movie because because it made me feel I felt field speak in that role with him. Yeah it is the greatest pain. I'm quoting you too. Yeah I'm quoting you to be Robinson I'm quoting you to Phoebe. Loves you too that Shit. She's a black woman who loves you too. That should be on our business card. I think we've met like once who phoebe me and Phoebe. Yeah what do you mean like in your rubbed off on her in one minute. Yes we've only had the pleasure of working together like once I was saying. was she on dirty. Time with David spade dirty. That's a much better name the name when I saw the slogan because you write for dirty time on the on the poster was sliding into your. PM's and I was like personal messages. It's direct messages. You're such a day yours. Do you think kids know am PM. They're just just out there fucking shape and fingering each other. Oh absolutely they all all the hours blend there on military humility eight hundred by the way if your phone is on military time you think you're better than me can I found is it is. But here's why because he was in Argentina are hidden. Tina have you been. Have you been. No I've been to South America. Okay what part Peru. I was where there was a Brazil Venezuela Venezuela only city. That sounds like a beata starting. Because what you asked him to do that. Name is why we have d'appel that is the only the only reason rhythm came from Caracas. And I'll take it. Have you been to I went to. I went there because my nephew was studying abroad. He was in Buenos heiress which they call be a do they. I don't know if they all do but my nephew and his friends call the Ba da. And he was getting his BA in yes NBA and bachelor. Actually of studies. Science is what I I don't know but I have one. Oh but I have one so I should know what it is bachelor of Science Bs. It is complete waste at the time. Yeah went to your family. Do you know because you see like you went to school. That's nice of you. I totally ready for you to be because you the community college getting high school. It was like what why we were all like. I'm going to be a millionaire here by the time you give him a face but good every once in a while and some of those yeah Gigamon face for. Sometimes I'll ask jeeves gives on facebook what they're up to and you know what some of them are smoking it fucking killing Helen. It you know like those guys we. I'm sorry I'm just so happy to see you. Like like match came from somewhere. But like those dudes are rip there. L. They're ripping life they're killing Tulsa low shore. It amply dude got fifteen minutes. I'm meteorologist in Akron. Killing it are they not not. Yeah it doesn't matter what you do star. Yeah you're getting that I tabled APPS. Applebee's eye the shadow to Akron. Cleveland actually has really good food. I'm from Cincinnati. That's where I just got back from New Shit. I was just there yesterday. We call it the nasty the absolutely nasty nasty nasty natty from from Isaiah like I overcame amiable Jake Johannsen. I'm from Idaho Idaho until I realized we were free to leave. Isn't that fun what I liked about. Up in that you seem high all the time but just on life. Just I'm life. You know what funny funny to Comedians Tate. Each other they don't call each other honey. They call in and told you George Clooney famous. Yeah I never watched it. It's not my favorite FA. I tried to watch it one time and I got disinterested very quickly and then I never revisited it. I I don't think movies about deeply unhappy people Like I like movies about successful unhappy people. Oh that's my ship. Somebody like Daniel Plain Lane view. Don Draper mad men and I tried to watch madman too and nothing happens for like the first season now. I know I'm gonNA spoiler nothing ever happens. That's great. I was writing stopping watching it. Well I don't cry like I would say this is a very waspy show. Meaning it's not just white. Let its anglo-saxon White. Okay eating like my Jewish friends. They love it to the Jewish people that I grew up with handed out more and madman is like I think he's cheating on me and the only way she's feeling. She's boring vodka. That's that's a Waspy anglo-saxon shit show that's going shows I watch white shit all the time like I. What are you GONNA do? What what are you GONNA do? It's really all that's out there. I was watching. I watched succession succession. Ho Yeah that that's not even I call it billionaire. I call it white empire. Have you ever seen empire. It's the same thing to repeat it. I was like this with everyone. Loves a little IT WAS ON. Bt though no that was on Fox. I think why that was on Fox and let me tell you. It was not good no the first season I watched it. 'cause it was entertaining enough but the stories and it was like the same story everyday. The same thing happen. It's like the Dad. ATAS passing down his business. which kid is going to go to? Are you fucking real names. It's the same thing as succession. Yeah succession so good so good. Yeah I can. I can't wait for these three. No I know the ending was Oh music. The music boom hip night. Yeah I was like whatever I do next. The shows got to have a theme song because every show that I love has a great great theme song. And you know what they don't do that anymore. So so many or calms whatever happened to predictability Milkman. The paper boy the evening TV you got the award for first guest the sing it before I could man. That sounds fucking. Sorry to keep saying rips laps. I Don just got some students. Who are those people that are the same people that did family matters? They are family. Matters is for family matters. Enters is the one we just saying. It's the bit of A. How did the other one start full house? Yeah it's rare condition age you know. They're they're fucking pay the ripped they slap their meteorologists in Dayton. And you know what I'm saying. They're getting that they go into restaurants and they go. We're fall and they go. Oh do you know who I am. They have to sing it and they only go places together. It's just him and remember the scandal that the everybody dance now woman was a big factory because she didn't get credit because the they've been married her in the video because he was too big and now yeah absolutely you know that was back when fat shaming was fun. You know when you could just make fun of a fat person in it to their face on the plane. You're sitting. Yes this is the world. I'm mother grew up in the joke that I always tell to explain. My mother is is I was. I took her to the set of the first show. That was writing on and a guy was eating. Everyone's heard the story so it's almost over. She big big dude dollop of cream shapes body auty. He's eating a bunch of I liked that because it makes him sound delicious dollop of daisy. But if you're into that Linda's lawyer to whip cream body anything you think I mean I am. I am going to say it's in pulp fiction too sex. What's pleasant to the touch isn't pleasant to to the site because you know what I'm saying like I've never thought about ask? I've never thought about this. Do you know all right. But the egg and he was eating some Scabies skating skills thereby can no need to abbreviate long. You are the official co host of the show. You're the voice listeners. have been waiting for hold up. Hold up he's skittles post. You're a father you have a child. I know she's gone she's going to go. You guys want some cities and ooh braced you. That weird kid smells like Mayonnaise is in their shoe mayonnaise and your shoe no not you corn chips. I've smelled people whose whole and corn chips. That's my free against Kane Collier. Bit about how Fritos smelly feet. Why or because we get corn horns on our toes? It's literally how many corn products need to be on our before we get it. Free does our feet. They're giving US clues. They had a meeting at Frito. Lay there like oh no. They're calling calling the growths on our feet corn bill. Your mind hit it onions onions. How close is it? Fun Means Bundy. Just fucking with us like if you ever get that feeling where you're like if I gave this ship there's a bit here but you don't. That's me every day about everything like just can't I think about sit on it for like five ten minutes and see if anything comes and you'll just work it out. I don't feel like it. You know what I do every day. I don't know if this is interesting but I will now. Now because I'm forty and I've been doing Stanford twenty years. Oh wait rookie. lookie Napoleon dynamite we into yes. It's exciting Napoleon Hort Pete has. Let's be honest because you are black woman. Yes every time Lafond comes on. We're all all like is this okay. Like on behalf of all white people were like okay all well you know I you came. I don't WanNa make you the representative. Here we are but no but I wanNA make you the representative for white people. Because that's so funny to me and and I think that that you're admitting that why people do that like we think. Is this okay. All right this is happening as it's such it's Utah White it's right yes us with wider than British as possible but they've done it wider than the original white. They've done it and it's in Utah. And they're like what if he dates. They were laughing their asses. I've going what if he just regular Sassy right which is just black men. You know default black woman. Right name is La Fonda the funder. It's the stereotype of what everyone thinks is a black like if that Guy Kip. What on Saturday was like her? Name's Lafond like we're GONNA laugh. Of course it's the joke. Is this black woman as the butt of a joke but then when I watch it. I'm like their. They're scanning close to the edge chaplain but they're not following. They're not it felt really to me because like a genuine like I think they like each other and that's why it worked but let me tell you that she's ridiculous than the Uncle Guy. Oh she's like the black woman version of Caracul. Rico Rico. Notice notice football over them mountains you I know that movie in an Hoard Pete four four war hoard hoard. What's that hard Horford hort only the party say forty forty? You want to go to the core. The core the car core core hoard in the core watts who says the watch is this barren run and I discovered execution again. Super blocks I should no it baron Vaughn. I figured out. It is specific to comte in that area. That region of Compton because I was like I was I was saying saying I was like saying like the Party and he was like what are you doing and I was like. You've never heard black. People speak like that. He was like comedy bit. I would just. I sometimes just like how I poured sometime now and I got it from militia. MOESA had a friend on her remember Moshe was played by Brandy. Yes the singer Brandy and on the show. She had a friend named Kim. I think and she was. You want to go to the party. And so that's just how she spoke so I I just started doing it it from that show and if you watch like boys in the hood you'll hear there and he's like every night can't is it's not very night or sure is there to ice cube areas. Nellie it's very southern I watch. We're back to channing. Ice Cube would say. Oh porty forty. Yeah that and that you guys WanNa Porty. Yeah it's kind of funny. It is so scared of somebody and also likes so comical. Yes I would like to go to a party with you. I know buddy. Nobody tap dances on the surface of show business better than Ice Cube Cube. How did he do it? A phenomenal career maintain hardness. Nobody's saying questioning and are we there yet. No you couldn't even beat them in a roaster rat about like you could call that out. Everyone knows everyone knows. He's like he's like. Oh I'm so dorky. But he's actually cool meaning. He owns every facet of his personality. Absolutely he had at the at the core of it and I can't tell how much of it as his face because he's got a great he has a great face but it's also very hard. It's a hard face but it's also a saw face look added again one thing that you're talking about the mental limited ice cube that we're both having like kind of a low fro. I'm I'm picturing Jerry Ice Cube. What's that Oh we'll always have a jerry curl to me? That's that's the boys in the hood but I'm ashamed that easy is Jerry curl girl. Of course I know. They're all very by connick. Cube is mini fro low fro Elo apostrophe real and this is where we're that's GONNA have to agree to disagree. I draw the line Jerry curls because I just watched jump street and he's got the low fro and he's got the low fro in my first experience with him was boys in the hood and his music so and to me that was peak ice cube. Yeah Peak Ice Cube now turned into family man ice cube which is fine fine fine. That's what you do when you get older. You just turn into a family guy and I know but you should you should you. Should which means means can't be easy you live. I'm not trying to be funny. People have big feelings about well passing. He would have probably done the side. Dr Dre did I you have to. I mean Will Smith you could go to Dr Dre House and say. Do you have any fiber. He he has it. You could say you have spiting from the right here. He's got a lot of like domestic shit in his house and if you want absolutely. Hbo Series About Him. Did you wait. What about him? and Jimmy Iovine now. I didn't watch. It was really told me about it. I heard it was good. It was really good but so you see why people are good at being rich. You needed to be read. You need it it to be rich and you're talking about day or Jimmy or both of them motherfuckers. Egging talk about dre. I'm talking about Jimmy. You mentioned that their neighbors on the beach like life. Yeah he can walk out you know and then we're going to have to. They have this like sort of you know people are like first class. It's the first to crash crash that I never heard that this is like a strip of real estate on a beach and Nami comes like you're kind of feel like I don't I don't mean that slow Nice. You almost like you know. If they were to happen they'd have multiple other over shirk and the soon as you see that they have a helicopter. Fueled up successions ready. Oh absolutely and as they fly away. He's told the pilot to play do how people use that off. That's good I do. I do grab yes please. What will if you guys are getting in a helicopter or bird? What are the right? You just do that. My mouth is a gay man that the I love about on I said developed if he was the star of crashing it would be nice. It's so good and people like don't say that I'm just trying to comment some late to replace issue where we could deal with technology. I nobody will not. I had the face dots on old time. In case we ever wanted to reboot at with a different star. That doesn't give you a lot of confidence when you're acting like it's either GonNa be you someone else someone else. But he's the same high Disney both the same same height. Yeah he's a tall. No I thought. How tall are you the door? Six six a door. That's Pete. Isn't that weird. That's tallest your personality. Analogy is tall. Yes no you. Don't come off as tall because normally when I'm next to someone that's then tall yeah. I feel like intimidated. And I'm not saying you're not intimidating but I'm not intimidated. 'cause I know you mean when I meet someone who's an an introduced shorter than me. I'm like Jesus this guy and that's most people that are you so you know what that is and so you you give a very relatable. You're just a very nice approachable by effort. I think it's weird to say this like when you're super tall. One of the reasons you slouch is because you're trying to be like new. Nothing yeah just trying to fit in the REU things why nece- kissel why of all the mini just trying so hard to be regularly. Because I've been since high school. Of course that's insanity. Somebody was going to teach me grammar and I was like I can palm. You're you can disrespect people when you're that high teacher's Prince adult a full grown adults especially when you're that high end other men because men are sensitive about height like girls are sensitive about hair and breasts bubis. Yeah of course I want jugs really. Yeah I mean I'm happy minor proportionate to my body so I'm happily I'm happy with mine. One hundred percent just checked in well what. Yeah well I was. I was checking them but at the same time. I'm wearing a bra where my boobs often just pop out the top of it so I was checking for that as well. 'cause it's I don't don't even notice it sometimes for like an hour. I don't my Nipples Been Sabam eyebrow. Just like a baby bird peeking out but yeah I. I don't if I were well I don't know I think I'd want to be a big brassy. Broad like huge. Just want the one like I'm trying to think of Dino Rachel Brosnahan from Mrs Mazel. Her name is Bra in the is she. Is She missed Mazel. Yes she she but come on. She's I think she's super q like she. No No. I'm saying like very beautiful and I don't know about that. She was Soeur nudity in the pilot. Take off she takes her top off and I've driven around in every time I see him as like poster billboard. That's what you to me in my head is like I wonder what percentage and then I'm like. Did they know she was like I because somebody just a horrible story. Yeah somebody was telling me about a director. That can't shots fired here can't please. I mean Ali off my off Mike. Well I'll tell you off mike but we were talking about somebody who uses skis and the audition was for a scene where you had to be topless and the director in the middle of the audition even the actresses actors hadn't prepared for that. They were tell them everybody has to take their top. And it's like this is fucking. That's a little weird Uncomfortable talking about this But I wish I could what what I'm saying is did. They know that she was like a ten out of ten. Nice boot like her until you see underneath. So how did they we know like what if they wrote that scene. She took off her top and they were like. Oh no scratch. This is the only has one beg you doing but I would like it was like yeah. I'M GONNA put the riff here and I'm going to sit over here because I don't feel comfortable. Kansas that the woman handle and US you ever rated joke in your like if I was this. Yeah absolutely just great thing where she was like. If I was a big fat guy I can make this work ready joke and I'm like if I it was a dark comedian for sure I say that as a black because I'm super light skin so I'm like if I was darker or uglier I could get with this interesting bits I have. I wrote a joke about Dick Clark dying and I was like when Dick Clark was dying. Do you think everybody got around as he's dead. Continue when he was in the gutter on his is. That better went ten right to dark Joe Rosa. The joke lived. He did it. You have to be happy happy. You need a nobody wants that. Dark sad person dude. I had a joke about sexting with a girl and finishing and she didn't know that I was finished and having to finish the texting texting even though sex didn't make any sense and it was a great bit. Yeah nobody wanted to hear it not from everybody wants to hear that you give it to somebody else. I put it in crashing. We made it seen crashing. which there you go only way to do it if you're this boring I'm going to get to interviewing you any second now? But if you if you're one of those comedians where where people know your wife's name know your babies they're not gonNA accept it and you're like when I was single like that's not your life now now. I know it's so unfair because musicians have it so easy they do the same songs people want their hits when we talk about stuff. That's like five years older ten years old or something. That's not our life anymore. The more they don't want to hear it in the crowd smell but there's also the other side of that because what a nightmare can you imagine being youtube and you have. What's with or without? Oh you ever. Did you ever watch documentary. I did she and how towards the end. She wanted to start making different music and but her father kept pushing her to go on tour and she kept the he did not want it up. Dad's everybody has daddy issues all the famous pop women. I worry about their DADS. I worry about the Simpson Dad and I nick. Remember wait I was like Actually Jessica Simpson the Josh Lee. Just absolutely. Because is he had some of that going on absolutely creepy. I worry like whereas Ariana Grande as dead P Davidson. Oh I'm sorry daddy I don't know I'm trying to. I'm trying to think yes daddy as a hot older dude so like I was just riffing with Ivan p David's. I'd get it I get it. I'm trying to darkness. I'm I tried to dead is giving me a gay closeted sociopath and I'm hilarious. I have issues. I I've seen the Davidson movie and I was surprised at how appealing he was. That doesn't mean you don't see them walking around now being sexy now in the movie. You're like oh girls are into this. He's a bad boy. He's got mental issues. He's touted up then you know he has a big Dick. He's got a lot of. I don't know how much time you spend thinking about it. Well now I'm thinking about it and I'm picturing girth that would chuck you say I like most people. You can get a sense of their their dis. Pretty quickly. He'd be like I know what you're Dick is absolutely i. I think that's one of the weird things. That's why boobs girls are gels about boobs. Guys are jealous about the perception of their but sometimes it goes the other way. Sometimes dudes have big Dick Energy and it's they don't John Right to check the decant sign cash there we go cash. That's how they make up for power and money with the fixing thing because you have a good day. have a fantastic raising sola. I loved her. Get into it. Tell me about pops. POPs he's toogood you got. We ended up getting leave it in what that's like I'm dead in the highlight reel is like people with a great interviewer Joe's talking to a black woman. Tell me about your PA. He was a rolling stone in my office was my dad was not a role he told you not to come it. That's a that's a WHO is that. That is the family matters All right now. What y'all came to don't don't don't use turned it in? All of that is the beam. Yes it's a quick conditions. Listen thing slaps I will play that in my car. Dude I have no shit. I don't care the songs that bring people right to the dance floor to wedding. Yes and you imagine do do that would bring everybody if somebody needs to see. Jennifer Hudson needs to cover it Like somebody who she would do a great job and here. Here's I liked him for Hudson though but I do not like her music. She's got a great voice. What does I don't exactly Lina? You don't you don't even know you never. I don't think I've ever I think I've heard maybe one of us on the radio I was like a wrecking. Aw Letter Miley Cyrus. HOW DARE I don't mind music wise? I don't mind Miley. Yeah she's fine. I'm not going kind of like turn the station. When one of them bother me with her music? She looks like if she was a roller-coaster refuse a mascot for a roller coaster. I don't WanNa ride it like it's going to have some like drop up that I'm like that's a bit much. There's so many initiatives about her. Then I'm like. Are you making fun of me like if I hung out with her I'd be like is this a bit. Are you telling me we're not really friends. The what I mean is the way that ice cube the sophomores that you're saying I'm like ice. Cube Lakes me. Something about whenever. I see miley Cyrus in the night before which is a great Christmas movie. Moi's like she she seems otherworldly and therefore everything she is. She's like kind of just pretending to be human. You don't trust her because she's she's a Popstar. Yeah I don't trust her a very hot people in general I don't trust. Yeah Yeah there may have everything in the palm of their hand. That's hot palm. They can do anything they want. I got sweaty palms. They're hot palms. That's that's why they go to the palm 'cause that's where they got the world and keep it going and we're done. Well we use music Jennifer Hudson sad pop. I was saying really quick. I wanted to just explain Jennifer Hudson's music really quickly and then we can talk about my dad because I went to one of her concerts last year. J Yes I've never been ahead no desire to go. My manager texts me and was like I bought tickets because I had never. I haven't been to the Hollywood bowl in. Oh wow she wanted to the Hollywood bowl. I just WanNa go on this day. I don't care who's playing but would you go with me. I feel like we're celebrating. Something really stupid by day. She yes or her schedule she was. I am free this day. Okay I don't care who's John Williams Robin Soundtrack to Star Wars. Ask First of all I would go to. I'VE NEVER UH-HUH I've never understood like that. That is a lie was a ban nerds pursued June wins. I fuck you up. I'm actually about to buy a new phone my I just. I'm Dr Eighty. I was talking with my food. Flute was born all right long before before without the flu. Cool she did but I missed. I've always missed my flute and I regretted stopping it so I'm going to bring it back but I gotta get a new one anyway. Davidson's flute eighty took up so much. But I went. I went to Jennifer Hudson's concert with my manager and we got high we did edibles and I'm sitting there and I'm like I don't know any of these songs and as I'm observing everyone. That's here I was like. What is the perfect way to describe this moment? How would I do if someone asked me cans? What was her concert like? How would I describe it and this is how I would describe it? It was was like being at Black Church inside of a gay club. That's perfect so black church. Exactly do there was is that. There's a youtube clip. That I love of a black pastor. Yes talking about how we need to love gay people and it's fucking have you seen it. I think I know what you're talking incredible and needs to be my guest tomorrow. Although I'm worried Sunday worry about talking to somebody even progressive person in the Church that I'm going to touch some electric offense and make me uncomfortable. Not Make them on me. It'll make me feel like only interview. People I agree with but I. I've traveled Church Carla Anyway. Of course but he he calls it out. It's like when you and I do dirty talk with David Spade. We you have like an hour and a half to write the jokes and we spend five minutes outside. We get the best the best and he's talking about real like you and me in the green room real on camera shirt. Dan and he says how many people do you know that that basically just saying he's saying more eloquently but he's like you know or gay but we kinda act like we don't know how many choir hire directors and the frequent. I've never seen footage of Everyone looks at the choir You're talking about me. I mean you could have your Andraos all year round pastels. That's a Pastel pink. Amber your word seven. That's a great band. Name Salmon in November or at least the first song salmon in November. I was just up at the end. It's such a shame that there's so many bad band names when there's so how many good ones I don't know if salmon in November is actually a good one but I'll Ansi right there with the feeling of a ban a passer serviceman or woman in power onstage today. Jr at the pulpit incur- state saying choir directors. And everybody's nobody's everyone's silent because that was my church. We had the very butch lesbian drummer in our band. Of course no disrespect. I feel like in every church but use the type we were all like. I wish somebody had just been like. Hey you're a lesbian and we love did you. And that's fine. I mean not on stage topically right but because you never know maybe like a high end tights. A what Heian Ryan type military haircut the high in tight. That's what they shaved high and tight. It's a haircut. That like the dad from American Beauty Chris Speaking of speaking of I know homosexuals. That can't my sister. Mr went to a baptism of her friends newborn a like a year ago. So no baptists I guess Baptist doing maybe I guess I'll do it because I was. We were now. We had a christening. I grew up episcopal couple and we did a christening and it was the same it was like a Piscopo is the opposite of the word cuss. A PISCOPO is what you say to end. This is a stop episcopal. The cops are here to record this guy's Presbyterian Meena said Presbyterian direction so this this couple is a great safe word episcopal or piscopo alien uncut gems hunk tweet. I saw that I just thought to work. Ah Years as them. Baptism and I did. My sister went. It was her friends. Newborn and the pastor was basically saying let this baby be healthy. Grow Up to be strong not not gay. He didn't he did. I don't know he didn't say that wasn't a quote but that is basically what he said. That's Gerland Langer Real. I mean that is that is a joke that gay friend of mine. I don't know if it's a joke. He's like you go to an interracial gay wedding black man white man. The congregation all white. I mean I don't know if that's still true. I hope that's no it is it's still it's getting a little bit better with the younger people. Like young people are now that hip hop his transition into a lot of hip hop people. Like dude who are gay out openly out a really. Yeah Tyler. The Creator Ocean. He's not hip hop but he's in that same crew. Yeah every I I almost said I stopped myself. What fun little little gnaws with a little it a little knives ex little guy phone yes sir? All right. So he's a little bit bigger than us But he's got three lenses he hasn't it hit this past year outta touch. What was it hometown old old town? That's all he seems about my town road. You're young town road old town road. Yes a Willie Nelson Song he did. He did country. He's got a rapper that his he came out with this country song. That went viral up. Billy Ray Cyrus did a remix of it and it's huge all white people remixing black people's countries on this. This is where we are now. God what's is where we are. Yeah no I know. It's crazy but he gay so so they're coming coming out. So there is a at she reigns and gay and gay. Thanks you ready angry. That is something we talk about. Dude if Tiffany Haddish did this by which I hope she did I. I would say that to her what I say to you. Yes you and I talk a lot about Balance Down something that my dad said just been about what you just normal who can read then I okay. I'm like a doctor I won't be it. Looks like it says norm MacDonald McDonalds McDonalds Adam. Corolla Roy say tiffany. Oh yeah because I said he's GonNa say all the time if you're on an airplane and the the screen in the seat back in front of you you can show for movies at a time if you're in three of those movies Slowdown go go. Watch the sunset or something yes right yes and that is is what I would want to pick the brain of tiff. What isn't that? Hey Heart I'm like what's going on guys. That's a lot like how are are you sleeping breathing. We're the same. People were the same species where comedians anyone of my species. Yeah I WANNA be like. Are you finding that balance balance though now I know are you are you and has anyone in your life telling you like. Maybe let's just do this one but like what. Are you shooting a movie during the lunch. Break of another another movie your Arbox I know I know come on a lot. 'cause I worry about how many I don't know it may fucking people taking advantage. Of course this industry is awful but what I didn't realize I have. I have good friends and you have have to have good friends. I was just talking to me about saying no and he was like look. I heard stories of movie stars going to table read of a movie that they signed on to do and then after after the table revealing I don't want to do and they walk. And this is terrible and that is a privileged position. Sure but absolutely Kevin Hart and Tiffany. Haddish I have to say no yet. Kevin Hart seems to be doing great. Yeah but it is. It is like have they turn down anything. They're like. The Michael Caine crystalise. Did this think about Michael. CAIN and I would say the same thing to Michael Michael Caines one hundred I. He'd be like never before we stop. I'm afraid read. Dr Say it's a real. I understand that fear. Did you see Joan rivers documentary when she talked about her worst nightmare. The biggest year wasn't Anthony Calendar. I can't handle that. I hold life. Should be designed to deal with an empty counter to get to that. I I want to get to the point where I'm saying I'm done. She was how old she was in her eighties. Right and still life working working on my face okay. Still Doing Joan rivers jokes rugby. She would appreciate. You would love it if you would have done it. My face twenty one. Nineteen by my ass is seventy five but yes I want to get. I don't WanNa work for the rest of my life. I'm doing this to be comfortable enough so I can just quit. And you never see me again. Yeah fade out fade away. Yes this is what they're gonNA play under when the great candidates Thompson now they have to the audio how c would he have the first thing he was whatever happened. You know like we need more rasp. More rows more souls drink the sandpaper. A little heroin happen when it when you think about how jasmine were on heroin. I'm like Bo. Jack seems like the last last thing I'd WanNa do if I were on heroin. Oh Man I love heroin me that that trump. That's coke now no absolutely. It's a mountain dew music. What's heroin activity? I'm thinking I'm trying to think of what one would want to then partaking aching after heroin. Going down a slide very slowly. You're just like you know exactly exactly exactly. I know exactly the kind of own you don't move until three kids. 'cause you're at a playground you're out of you who has a slide who has a slide in their back. Probably Kevin Hart. He's probably got to say that movie. I got that slide. I got those gold slide. Keep making problems dude. It's not just it's not just Joan. Kevin some people at our level to just have like our industry rewards compulsive behavior and broken people who are attics. That's right who need it. Let's just another famous another addiction. And we're all everyone network in there's industry you're gonNA say power to absolutely empower absolutely. How is the worst addiction? Absolutely and and as soon as you're like I oh I didn't have to wait in that line and you're like dude I would say ninety percent of the people in this industry are in it just for spite 'cause they want because they want to get it back or feel better than somebody that hurt them when they were yards like I feel like a lot of cops to like be power and I'm not putting down you know I just remember in the movie the departed. There's a line about that. I'm basing it on a movie. Leonardo di Caprio said Legal Walberg. I won't say this line. I'm going to rip shit. I don't care if you're gonNA have some stuff it's good as Michael Michael Crichton or your way. Who are you just doing earlier? So Greg Deeg. We've we've talked so much that I can't even remember what I'm trying to reference twenty minutes ago. But yes greg and Greg and the other person O'Brien Cox you did the dead the yeah the Oh fuck off. Yeah Yeah Yeah. I'd have to watch it if you watched it with me. which I'd happily do I can kind of do everybody on that show? And that's a credit to the show. 'cause everybody has a clear voice. That's a clear voice. I can do row Roman. Yeah Yeah Dad. Maybe it's not really as voice but and then you can come on my tits and fucking blow it all over my face and you're just like whoa what I feel like He. He's fucking writing that a lot of the time for him. I feel like he's improvisation. Improvisation adding seven. That's part of him. Yeah I know he's excellent. He's great I always get his name wrong here and Kieran Culkin because I want to call them Roman Kalkin because he's so Colin MacAulay. I mean we all Wanna call him old sweet orange lips look at home alone drinking sliced. I have warned. I'm watching on drinking on at King Tang member man that the voice isn't okay in five years joy. Now you've been you mike. This is my canceled. Mix you've been canceled with candace. Well Oh my God you gotta get cancelled in five. You'RE GONNA get them canceled on the podcast. Excellent come come get canceled. You get the big stars actually is a great idea. I wonder if some of these are talking about power addiction want subconsciously. They get cancel. You Know How some people WANNA died so conscious self sabotage because I feel like the really big the people that get addicted to the power and the compulsion I feel like sometimes they do fuck themselves absolutely for the for the thrill absolutely Fisa feel some just feels well. I heard it's a great episode of this. Podcast told me he worked for a company that used to kidnap up rich people and torture them basically. I paid them. Listen to because at a certain point when they go to Bora Bora again. So you're just like I'm going to give this company five hundred thousand dollars. That's why I'm thinking or certain point. I'm going to get hit with a hockey stick. It makes perfect sense but I also think that's why you know all these celebs are on drugs. 'cause it's like what's the next like. I can't top that high that I just had. Well that's why chasing highs is a fucking stupid and that brings it back the ties that brings us back to the idea of a good death or just a good retirement or just a good being an elder when I watched the Gober godfried one. Same thing thing I was like. Jesus Christ the unregulated and Gilbert. Did this park as he's a sweet guy I like him. He's very funny. Obviously but when I watch documentaries because I relate late yeah that just sort of going to the zoo. Like look how they can't. They can't stop my homeboy code at homeboy. My homeboy Conan he moves called CONAN. O'Brien can't stop. There's moments in that movie. Wouldn't like cheeses. What more do you need? We need to So you would say this. He would agree. This isn't shoddy fired now. I know that's why he called it that like look we have this problem. No I think I think a lot of people the people at least who are self aware they know yes. There's a lot of people in this business as well but and those are the ones I worry the monsters yes for sure. Yeah it's it's what turns me on though Burnett is dead. I am aware of it now. And so I- steer clear from it. I mean that has to get you in trouble. It's gotten me an act on it anymore and I never acted on it frequently but I I became aware of it. There's a darkness about this person that I like so now anytime I'm that I'm attracted to somebody. I know that it's a red flag for me interesting. I'm like I need to find out more about this person because this the way that I'm getting tangled right now is only led me to bad places but again. We're back to your dad because here I am. I'm a pops you are. I'M A. I'm a popsicle 'cause I'm cool ooh baby. I'm cooling fruity severe instagram by Rudy Cool. I he's got a line on stage. I got a lot of my friends. Marry women that are thin and cold. I call them popsicles some even drew. They wanted to make that job. Any who's thin and coal you love damage so let's breakdown. Some cultural. Stereotypes likes a guy with debt. Is Yes or if a woman becomes a scraper or whatever it is you go daddy issues right. This is just like one of these weird things shore kind of like a fucked up for shorting to say the people say. Don't drop the soap. It's a rape joke and like people go daddy issues. I'm like that's a serious said daddy issue. We're not no. I'm saying their jokes is that have like a dark. Oh go into them at all. I see what you're saying. Go right no excuses like a series anything but we're joking about it because I think it's because everyone has it. Did you know what I'm saying. I think urged that men are aloof. Yes it's encouraged that men as long as they're sort of like looking out for number one. Yes that's that's sort of like especially okay for me. Yeah absolutely so you sounded like you would have daddy issues. But I'm sorry to even say that it's not even say daddy issues but I'm I'm interested that you had a great have agreed with your father and yet loved dead. I'd I is what I don't understand what you're not looking for your dad. I know that's weird your desire. I think I am looking for my dad but my dad and I talked about this. What am I tonight? Show said is like my dad has set the bar so high because he ed thank you fantastic. Thank you thank you. I'm just I don't know why I want to say that. Good nights out really people are like yeah. They're all juiced up. I'm like you're a foreign antibody. Jimmy Fallon has been the established. Funny thing and then you're like high right so I appreciate it very much. Thank you but yeah my dad has set the bar so high be by just by being there and loving me and my sister and I've said this before but literally really everything my dad does is literally is for his family. whoa everything he does shoot? I love this guy. And he's GonNa be on the pod. What's his name Howard Howard? I love the name. Our Dad name. Yeah deadbeat named Howard now or I have your name. Your name is giving you these high expectations. Yeah because you can't be at you cannot right have have the name Howard and act like a drill away for a week and nobody knows where you are right like a drake of your our. I don't really realize the day I don't think I would say drink is a deadbeat dad. I'm sure he's setting checks but he's never there physically. I don't even know I can't even picture drake as we're talking. There's no need help amount. Now he liked skin anyway. That's all you need light skin. And where does he have. Jewish he is after drake he saw but anyway he yes. Yeah Yeah it's like he I get it like I get why he's still relevant but there's nothing that he's done to me. That's been like super memorable fire festival. Aw as a guest. That's a good burn. Wait was he no like did he drink. Houston I order. You look like you went to fire festival as a gas. Yes instagram's complaining about the girl. He did get booed off the stage. He did at Flog gnaw which is logged concert. I think it happens in Texas Austin. Maybe don't quote me on the location but sounds like he showed ABC dish disgusting. All of the flog now but I hear showed up because because people are expecting Frank Ocean but drake showed up instead and people booed him. Yeah you can't do that. Yeah no but also like. And he's like surprised. I'm like but if Frank Ocean came out at drake show how would you exactly Booz Booz. I always get what we wanted whenever I see Abboud video. I'm like is this fake because there was machine gun Kelly video he gets booed and I'm like then it was exposed. I think it's fake. This is me with everything out beat. Well we're in a post reality reality. Everything is fake news. I don't trust anything and when you see that you can put anyone's face on things I saw fuck and trust anything anymore for is forget it and then just small it and then he went to juicy smaller they said. Do you smell that each from from from white succession. I'm sorry black succession out here for him. No that's Terri- oh excuse me the guy that's faked his own hate crime. Yeah that that guy. So that's what I'm saying and I was skeptical about that when he first because when she was like all black people like and I was like really we at at my first instinct was to want to believe him but then the more that I read about it in the more I was hearing things like this does not sound right. Who Does the quote that he said that from the from the white people that did it to him? beat him up. They said something. Like your your legacy country now Maga- country you are used as the act the N.. Word from empire and it's like Oh would y Todo watching empire holdup put up from blacks. Accession it I don't think people more believable if they had said that but who first of all if they're racist then they're not watching watching empire right. So how do you know that the N. Word From Empire magazine are you smelled at little. He's Outta smells like Shit exactly so I was skeptical pretty much since this story came out but anyway but that wasn't you know we don't want to believe that that we well. We know that stuff all the time with black people so and gay people and so oh. There's a party but that's like I want this to be true but I don't want it to be true at the same time. You WanNa lend credibility absolutely and I don't don't WanNa live in a world where I don't believe everything I hear see. I hate this part of my brain but you gotTa Know Your own stupendous and I think I'm pretty in touch with my own stupid. I hope so. Yeah at least I can see it and I go like this is why when you like. It's also just the might of storyteller like that. Sounds like something someone one who wants people to not believe the news to bribe someone to be like make a fake story because it contributes to an overall feeling yes of nothing is real yes and then people can run a muck yes so I I worry about that. We should all be worried about it like when when I had this. It wasn't a movie idea but it was like a weird flash flatware like so many people were getting me to and then I was like I wonder if a studio is gonNA plant a fake one to make credibility go. Yeah because I was like because it's costing the money money for sure you know what I'm saying so it's like you can't have obviously Robert Downey. Junior was not me too but if they were like. We can't have that happen so we need to. We need to like it's like become you hear about that. So if you hear about the CIA there's that book now called chaos to CIA as like the theory is giving Manson Lsd to give the hippies as to like experiment with people have a blah. Dude I don't know I get I get on that train a little bit faster than maybe I should know. I think I lack doc I have gone down so many rabbit holes. I've watched so many documentaries about conspiracy theories too but it's fun. It is fun but at the same I. I think I think there's something with 'cause you know your your spiritual person will live at least. Yeah I would. I don't know if I describe you as religious dispirit people. I duNno which I'll take spiritual name. Yeah me too and there is something in because there are. There's no evidence it's like the faith that we have. There's no tangible so we are more prone to to to ideas that don't necessarily have empirical evidence Dan Straight and so in agriculture and yes we were conditioned to that be like well just because that might not make sense. You should believe that right. You could even say Santa clauses sort heard of that way too for sure. Let's not get started on. Why Santa Claus Real and but also my blackness pete is black people are constantly skeptical about things right because has how do we get to America in the first place? We got tricked on a boat. But it's like we are skeptical because it's like I just don't trust you. There's a nature about black people that go out in advertising. Black people in ads are always the people that are sort of like. What are you talking about Willis? That's right I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying start watching commercials Rosengard. They cast a big black dude to be like fifteen percent of. ooh You may be pointless ballet out of a job you get some relevant out of this. That's so true inside. I came from lakeside. Aside is a black whenever someone twisted lip this. That's right that's right that's right. Let's say April it right right but I mean obviously that that can be a wonderful thing to be discerning and I'm just saying advertising is guys like me or look I believe I like your best impression yet going my way and I'm Mike Oblivious. Fuck Shit that's right. Brian Regan has a bit about how dads and husbands. He has the line where it's like. The MOM is always like cleaning the floor stereotype and then the daddy says it's always stuck in the Venetian blind to the fact cuming. Isn't that great. What I'm saying is advertising if you want? Stereotypes go to advertising. Watch some commercials that so. We're talking about a lot of things we so here's busy damage. You'd pop yeah and dead. I don't give me a D. me. At closeted homosexual man clauses of homes. Just one that I. I don't know I had never again. I don't have tangible evidence to prove this but I know like I know like if you want to know if a a man is gay or whoever is gay just talked to someone they've dated and they will tell. You secretly secretly gay on logo. Yes us because I and it sucks because women we get such a bad rap because we call crazy and we think that we're and men fear that women are going to start calling them gay. Hey if they wrong them like oh like I didn't. I'm not gay. Just cheated on her. Now she's telling people I'm gay by have a fear of that and I'm not saying all men do obviously but there are men covers a multitude of real sure. So it's like she. They fear that Oh she just got hurt by this guy. Why so now? She's saying he's gay when I'm like no Yep just talked to some people in the anyone's GonNa know someone's cloud at home if someone I dated for a while crazy he goes back to the. This is real. The witch trials like a single independent absolutely made woman who like. We're so fast to go. That's insane. We're so scared of intuition. I think everybody's into it hasn't absolutely we do but women tend to be because they are born into a body that knows life death and rebirth. Yes that is. What makes them more do? Did you watch fleabag. Ed Monolog V. Wade's barely short. But it's so fucked. Laying season was the first one that is not seeing the second I have but I need to. I haven't really watched it. She goes to the the bar with the oldest older lesbian. She talks about how women are born with pain and men don't get their period so basically they're out having wars wars and sports so they can touch each other and feel failure and feel pain and feel lost and I was like fuck in A. It's right on. I'm glad that Mr Brown shout out Mr Brown Warren Brown. My teacher in high school used to say stuff like that all the time allowing women. We watched the Grapes of Wrath and he was like there's something about flow and it's built Elton to women's bodies that they know that bad in this comes. And then badness goes it's the season yes literally us in our bodies and Santa Stand up to the Goddamn Moon. Yep It is a moon cycle. That one else is the moon cycle which looks like Birth control pills. Because that's how it is that's how it is. It's thirty days thirty one days. It's fucking nuts. We're so this is why we want to the biggest weapons all of this power and all this intuition and all of this baked in knowledge is calling it crazy. Yeah absolutely so I. If the easiest way to dismiss a woman that's right and yeah so it's like but again like I was just saying you talked to someone who's dated people dismissed the so easily but like I said if you're intimate with somebody and you've been with them for a long time you'll know what this person is so but yeah no so. I don't have anything in the APP for that. I think we'll get ratings and stuff. Oh No if you want to date somebody you see their past had that before it was just about guys though there and I don't think it exists anymore but the girls and I never went on and I never looked at it but I had heard heard that there was a website. Dumber what it was called but women rated their boyfriends. What's of course as a whole I understand why that's a problem because we'll crazy people pull are crazy and here's the thing? I had a girlfriend that I'm like you were a little like not great. Yeah stability was she in entertainment with my my group with my words like my other XS. I'd have that they would be positive but you always worry. Of course yes yes of course. So there's GONNA be some bad eggs that are going to ruin any and write a bunch of Kansas Johnson's APP. We could but then how do you. What's the vetting process? Ask for. WHO's allowed to write? I'd have to go through a whole thing and how many Jews are gonNA make fake profiles. Exactly right it's just it's best. There's no way we're the PAP smear. Okay all right. It's like lager with your thumb. Would ask to have a little secretion on it just a little just a little juice. It's like when you blow in that thing to start your car you want is that is that a problem why it is sad. I know this. I think it's a heavy one. Yeah but yeah so no. I back talked wherever we. Where were we so I have dated one that for sure I believe is closeted dead inside I? That's what I meditate about every day. Hey I I look Pete. I've I watched the energy because the law of attraction I watch what I put out. Because that's what you get back and I I don't I still to. This Day cannot figure out but I will say it. I learned so much dating this person because now I know what's a sociopath is and I know and I now know all the red flags so if that was less than I needed to learn to protect me in the future because I learned that lesson like seven years ago help people might be dating. What are some red flags? Oh God they call it love bombing so one of the things they do against you like like borderline personality sociopaths and narcissistic personality disorder. And it's a very fine line between those and they're they share characteristics because the person that I said wasn't that stable he had had a lot of work. I'm not saying they had the borderline personality disorder and I think we brought out the worst in each other so I'm copping to my like I think the way that I was specifically glue is triggering. Yeah right because I talk about waspy I was like you. Keep your feelings to yourself. And everything's fine and driving her nuts for sure. Yeah but borderline nine that like when it's hot it's hot and then the water in the shower just goes ice cold. You know what the fuck like. It's so scary but yes go on but yeah so the love the love bombing and I noticed that immediately but I didn't know what it was bom bom is when you meet someone you don't know who all of a sudden is so into you. Do they start saying all these things that make you. Think you think you're the only person the world they they'll say I love you really quickly. They'll just they'll devote themselves elves to you. which is narcissistic because they're being flooded with endorphins adrenaline? And all these like. They're they're not for you. That's right. It's for them. They're high and they're like I need someone I wanted to see. How High Yep go my queen? Yes and they mean nothing of what they say. So the words that are thinking what the words that are coming out of their mouths mean nothing. They're just doing that to manipulate you because they know that if you if they can say this to you you start to trust them and then when they trust them there they have your the palm of their hand. You're an audience. Basically thank you so I experienced that this particular person but I didn't know it was love bombing. I thought because I was younger and more naive I I was like maybe maybe this is what it feels like because the guy has never said any of these things to me so maybe this is what the one says to the person that they know they want to be with the movie. Yeah it is sort of like a sweet lady. Can I tell you how movies have fucked all of us up with our expectations and what we expect from the relationships. I blame that on probably most of the issues that people have never relationships as expectations from movies. There's no such thing as a rom com like dude standing getting outside of your window with a boom box. Larry that's why that's why they can re cut those movies to make them horror movies. You ever see those trailers where they re cut health to be a wherever well he is one of the best ones ever. But you're like yes. A lot of this behavior is inappropriate. It's inappropriate to deny it. Also when you deny someone's boundary injury so someone says this is over and then you show up with a boombox. I haven't even seen say anything or whatever that movie I haven't either reference and just saying that is. I'm not the expert. I'm not the person saying this but I'm like you're violating a boundary and you're going like and isn't that sort of subtly saying when women say no they don't and you need to keep doing and I you know obviously is much less of a victim of all of this stuff than any woman but like I remember getting that settlement and the subtle message behind that is women. Don't know what they want their dumb. They're playing games. And how many choir directors man should have been a camera director that right I want the B. Cam footage ripped over that Kinda quick choppy a human like succession on the choir directors face and that his wife and his kids and she doesn't decide is not becomes. Yeah there's something about the meaning of of people that sort of can't be great for everybody keep going of course right. Put a pen in that. Put a pin in the occasion of people people. No no no so oh okay okay so back to red flag there's the bombing. The actions not matching up with words. That's a huge thing to look for. Because they'll say one thing but do their actions follow up with what they said and always pay attention to the actions. Not The word. Can you think of a generic example. Oh Jeez you can't just be on your birthday. I'm GonNa take a medieval times. And they just take you to watch one horse while you eat you share a buffalo wing. Look no one stopping you from yelling out go green night go as you want. ooh An example would be is if someone is telling you for example that they like you mean the world to them. You're everything thing to me. You mean they're saying that but then you ask them to do at one time. Anything in can't do it for you girl. That's not someone that means everything. Can I tell you I don't WanNa on a relationship Brag Valid I have a lovely relationship wonderful relationship and one of our little lines. But I just like you do something for them. And then vowel say. Hey did you you toys away and I go. I don't pretend to love you. It's just something we say all the meals you remember. Remember that a and she and she goes. I'm not pretending I'm not new at this. Like so adorable. I think language is so important yes but language that comes after the action is better the language. It's every it's the wrestler. Remember that movie the Wrestler Dad. That's just like obiter baby. I'll be the we we've seen the movie. Let's start talking after the thing absolutely talk evidence I feel like Rana. Oprah's super soul high wind loved to be on this chair. You know that on my i. Don't I have a vision board but I keep it up here wasn't basing. Keep the poster board in your Noggin. I have I have an actual pilot but I haven't in my head what's tucked away. I I use this elliptical I would put it in front of my elliptical books. That's where pretend I stowed away in my head. I know it's so much more powerful in your head. That's the point of having it on the board is keeping in your head absolutely what I see. I learned that after creating my vision board. I WANNA stay with Oprah's so bad when I wrote my bug I was like my goal is to get on super saw and I did. Dr Actor is and he was. Maybe he'll do it but like he was like. I'm going to send your book to Oprah saying no but listen our I see yourself defeating right now. I don't belong under the MAPLES. I don't know if there may there. May they just see. Some people are good at being rich. Oprah's good it and has no those are heated. You know those herbs from the garden absolutely probably has heated grass that for once she asked the tape outside and it's probably got another son. She can call rainy today. And it just shines over the set wherever they're shooting wherever she is Oprah. I love it but super. So where do we give. We're headed we Just because we were just no words. Oh these sound full full why I love you. I hate talk to other people talk to each other home. What is the five minutes we spend on the job? I can talk like this to like probably three of my other friend three I thought it was you I was like. Oh that must be you. It's me but like my manager I can have conversations. She's amazing and then I have my friend Brenda and my friend. Amanda Manda Amanda Seals. WHO's fantastic great girl? You're fantastic. I can't have the mini and my guy friends. Now I'm thinking about it. This is why I go out. I'll have coffee with a guy friend. Mike bigly is a good example. Someone who can do this. Yeah feelings fears. It's I've had it with the wrestler. I'm tired I just WANNA go talk about your drinking. That's what I wanted to say. The problem the root of all this really wrestling with that feels like. You're in an emotional sleeper whole dad. Good I feel like men feel like a lot has been imposed on them. The other side. I think there's a lot of pressure to be a man and I feel bad for you guys. I can feel that too sometimes but I work through Bush but I managed. I still feel it all the work that I've done every once in a while I go like my being enough of a man. The good thing is there are things that you probably are naturally actually when we manage. What do we mean we mean decisive? We mean powerful. So that's the first thing that comes in takes care of business. Find the things that you were naturally that way about and let that meet your quotas. Don't take it out on your kids. Absolutely I have a thing like just in general about I. I don't have kids. I'm pretty sure I'm never I'm never going to have. I might adopt somewhere in the future. I don't know yeah I might do that. I just I smell a pilot everything everything people say to me. I'm just like are you gonna pay for those kids. Let me pitch something real quick kids and the kids who is with a C. So everyone's going to be like Candy C.. ID number Afghanistan. Is it not around remember. It's no that's it. Is this survive. You have a child sudden infant death shit. I forgot I skip that day. I I I was scared of synods. You should've been fine. It's terrifying. There's nothing you can do when when sciences like all we can do is name met after. That's how I feel about cancer when one of the first dark bits that I wrote was like we just made up a word for a thing that keeps killing killing. You know what I mean but we know so much much more about cancer than medieval. No it's out of nowhere and you just wake up and your kids. It's like that old going back to which is like we needed villains to blame things like that. It's so fucking yet like no bets. CID's is the fucking worst thing actually ingredient way day said. Yeah Sid vicious our now. We're riffing on darkness. That's what you gotta do. I guess but I mean like when now that I can sleep and not think about whether or not because she's fifteen older now right with that beginning you're getting up touching and feeling Antonio the liner I can. I don't care but I know what I want to say that there's a lot of other hormones and things firing off that make it worth it like. There is panic and there is his fear. Yeah Yeah and then there's this weird sort of like this is life be like if you think about the world the Earth floating in nothingness and this and going around okay star. That's also fucking scary but like we've all sort of learned to be like and I met the movies. Yeah you can do that with the baby. I'm just trying to. I'm I'm trying to encourage anybody to have children but for every like irrational fear I hope my hope for everybody that you also have this irrational parent. Jean Blake. Thank you sort of get that from. I got it from my dad. My Dad is a real like it'll work out guy yeah. My parents are like that as well. Find Parking yeah fearless fearless. It's fine fine like it'll be fine. Yeah that's where I get my faith from my parents have A. We just had faith and my dad does worry a lot and that bothers me because he worries about ridiculous things like sweet very sweet. But it's it's neurotic also like when he's still like my dad hasn't slept well since me and my sister were born really then Mike were grown asked women and he he just is a great father and that's just what he was meant to be. But who are we casting your dad in the near Corner Picture Your Dad we need in a light skinned a light skinned from black succession. Drake Know Talk to your dad. Who would be a good Howard Howard and it's hard to say 'cause I'm just thinking when you think about about casting you just think about like who's been in those roles before right you know who would've been a great? I'm just like is it. The partner from the wire are shed or is it then quoted that guy earlier today. So it's a big serendipity. I am not kidding. How are the what are the the chances of remember? Why did it get it? Shuts crab guts. I always remember the scene from Baltimore if you don't need the crab guts. Oh yeah they're little liver. No this crab at a drinking problem has roses all right. I think James. What's his name Role Jones? No Not James Earl. John's Avery James Avery James is he the uncle Phil from fresh prince. Yeah he could have been PALU email. My Dad's not bashing. Yeah she don't go fill mine. Wait what is there was an episode where I'll go on a diet talking about food and he went Louis. Mounds Act I've called my brother right now and we don't pillow you say mashed potatoes. He finished the quote. Oh Oh my God talk about light skin on every cast. He aches. That was not good. Yeah that was not good. Never been a fan of new on vith or or wanted to give on that on vivid try because she was of course. But how do you. You can't go from that on VIM. She was amazing. The first one was on what didn't the first the kick up some dust like she wanted. More money was a money thing is what they say. Yeah and I don't know if there's any truth to that but what D- what the streets is saying go to Barbara shops to. They're talking about people like you hear about she said You heard that from me. I want the same trailer as well. Oh my God can be a black woman we're fans has and again. I say this also mostly single. We lease dated Asian men. Black women what it wasn't thousands of. I think that's probably still true. And I don't know I can't speak for like like you know. There's IT'S A it's a topic of discussion in the black community about black men dating outside of not dating black women but most black men are with black women in in most parts of the countries where there are black populations. It's just in cities like New York and La for example where you see it also gets to a level of fame. We see like professional athletes. Chris Rock has been where he's doing shit until you have a woman. Oh that sounds like his wife was black. She was. Yeah but yeah and I think he's still days black women ex-girlfriend I saw him with was a black woman might just be something he says because it is something that he knows about these uncle Tom. Black dudes out here that really think that validate get need validation by marrying a white woman data that exists. That's a real thing. Throw out uncle. I I'm not but you aww dominant. Are we bleeding. No really feel like. Do I protect my guest here. Dropped the audio. There's nothing wrong with saying that. There are uncle Tom Black people. That's a real term that exists for an. I mean it means that it's basically black people that stat that sold out two for white validation and they try to live up to they want to achieve the success of a white man which to them means finding a white woman and they would would sell out their own black people to achieve that status. It's interesting yeah and being this is this is weird called. You made it weird. Yes when I hear that so I I watched the movie. I wasn't gonNA call it forgiven. the farewell so aquafina movie. And there's a chat about like if you if you Chinese you're always Chinese and a location and people right as I. We went and her dad in the movie. It's not it's not her story but the characters his dad in the movie is like we're Americans and they like you can tell that the Chinese people don't like now. I'm from Boston the only way I can relate to that as I have a lot of people that are like we're from Boston. We stay in awesome. Thought fucking stupid. I don't mean it's stupid but I'm like that's not for me and then I went to La. And then I started like dating. La and go home sounds pretty vocal about how much I love. La So like. I have like this part of me. That's like can't people do whatever they want John but what is. What is the part that I know? Of course you can do what they want. When there's a pattern you've been whoever you want? I'm not saying you can't just saying they're buying a narrative from somebody. Yes and I'm saying. What are your intentions with dating this person? If you truly love this white woman go for it. I'm all here for that. But if you have a pattern because dude this goes back popsicles thin and cold. I know there's some people I don't really know them yet but they marry who I think. They think they're supposed to marry to look more. It's the appearances. And then that's what I question and the celebrity Maryland absolutely right and it's it's again like if you see let's say for example example. There's a black person that only dates white people and they've never dated black to me. It is it is interesting and pick Yulia for your own race like that to me is bizarre. And they're to me. There's an end immediately. I'm like if I said that if a white person wouldn't when we'd be like Jesus Christ no because to me that's like family like you. We dated who what we are comfortable with them. What we know right right? Don't we well we EH. We have common with and so it's like if you grew up that way then that makes sense to me to like date. I'm not saying the MONTAGUES. But what if you fall in love with the cat and that's fine. Yeah that's fine but what I'm saying is what if if if you were a montague but you never dated anybody if you never dated a montague type person person and bad you're saying Romeo probably dated a few montagues before he went capulet. Yes okay you have there you. You need to have those experiences and at least you and I understand where that comes from it comes from. Oh I've got something in common with this person. We have common ground that we can talk about this and this and this and you get me get me at the end of the day you get me right. I want someone that gets us. It's interesting that this is I love. How open your being and I think so interesting that this is sort of a touchy subject? One of the ways that I can relate is that vowel and I both grew up in the church and when I was dating people that didn't grow up in the Church that it was fun for me and that was interesting for me and there was always voice. It was like at the end of the day. You're GonNa want somebody that knows the lyrics to shine Jesus shine. I don't know why I just WanNa go like like our God is a God and you can finish awesome and I'm like let's get art and sing light the fire. That's all it and that is what it is and that's okay and you're saying that's the same thing going on holidays 'cause commonality blackness. Yeah would you agree is more than being from Boston absent. Absolutely I understand. Nobody Taylor is going to be what someone who can understand. Like there's been days. Well you get if you get pulled over by a cop. Nobody's like Massachusetts. Although although I have had a cop say you're not from around here are you and I didn't like that. And I'm not saying I can relate. I'm just saying I know. ooh that. That weirdness fucking than uncomfortable. He was a scary moment. Already created a narrative in your head about my past history. And now I have no idea what how you're gonNA act that's right with that weapon from Massachusetts hurt you and this is not saying he understands pizza. I know it's yes. Yeah no it so yes in that. It's like at the end of that. You WanNa come home to someone who gets it and you feel comfortable talking about your experiences. And and they just I understand and on a level that other people don't necessarily understand and so yes that is I think in comes with and I'm not saying saying that black people or a monolith or any raise the monolith because there's different types of people in every race of course but it is always peculiar to me if if I see a black dude who Only ever dated white women. That's a red flag to me. Yeah because it's like why I remember seeing a comedian I'm just trying to represent the other side. Yeah and I forget who it was so forgive me I hate when I quit so I don't know who said it but it was just a youtube clip. That went around and it was a guy saying I like. Let's say was saying I like Asian girls. Yeah it was like and I don't mind saying that that's a fetish then Isn't it interesting. Yeah I feel like Asians in particular. Get the fetish were thrown on them absolutely Louis but black black women to. I'm not dark enough to be a white man's fetish. Let's put that out there. You're not I'm not. I dropped the log if you showed on my name. You're the wouldn't it's all right. I dropped it before I started performing. WanNa stigma godly canvas but there is a there. Oh for sure. The fetishism thing I think with Especially Asian and black women. I don't know about Hispanic women. Maybe guy there's a stereotype of them being like fiery and spicy so the crews in the movie blow started that she shut up little the Perez. And do the right thing started it. You're right you're right hoop earrings yes. Got It all that but anyway. Let's say the guys that I liked black girls and he was like and I don't mind saying that. Ah I can't pick a race that isn't gonNA make. Let's say he he said I like girls from Jupiter. Don't WanNa make it right and he's like but but girls from Jupiter are purple and he's like and I don't mind because he was saying and I feel like we're going to disagree with this and that's what he was saying. It's like saying I like red cars having a preference. Let's see what we say to this. And he can't have that you're allowed to have preferences you can date again you. This is not me saying you. Black people should stick with black. Let people why people should not. I'm a proper education like right year. My whole ancestry. That's what makes this. So Nicky is I feel like there's a lot of white people that are racist. That would agree. I'm with you. I'm saying we should stick to your own race. I'm saying if you are any person who has never dated WHO's only dated a specific and again. I think the speaks more sued just black people in particular because there is a self hatred that it has been ingrained in our DNA from slavery to make us feel that. We're inferior so back to the uncle. Tom Thing back to this is the way I need. This is how who I need to date. This is what I need to look with their skin. Bleaching black people bleach their skin to look lighter so I think this is more. I'm speaking more specifically should lack experience and that it is it is i. It's questionable when you when you when you see a black man or a black woman who only dates white who only dates white. Only I'm I'm not saying they use the day black now they white or they date Hispanic people also whenever if you make you. It is the cultural narrative of that means a new. And you smell bullshit going. I think you're just trying to live up to a cell Patriot there. You don't like yourself rob because you've been taught to not like yourself because of what society diety taught us about what it means to be black interesting. Yeah which yes when I think when people think about the difference between I feel like I can't even talk about this. They feel like again. Don't now my it's a marketing. It's it's the way white women have been marketed as being better I was GONNA say Yeah I. I can't talk sweet looking at this. I've had this conversation with interesting. I can't I'm not saying and white women are better but in most we we see white women put on a pedestal. When we'd have the conversation about how Hollywood needs more diversity? It's just a conversation that we've just been having having chancellor over the past ten years or so. We need to be more diverse onscreen and behind the scenes. But like I was watching I think it was the Oscars or maybe the Golden Globes with my. My friend. Amanda like last year and they were going through the history of the women. Best actresses throughout history since the Oscars were created two black women no other women of color all white women and so it was like when we talk about diversity. White women are not included in that conversation. Because they're fine you'll be fine right. It's women of color that are when we're talking about diversity. That's what we need to help. And so Oh we both had it at the same time actress. Best Actress since the beginning of time. Yeah and it's like no other women of color might be. You changed now since we've been two or three years ago so I don't know I can't remember what who's one sense. But in the moment it was like Halle Berry and there was one other a woman from like the maybe the sixties or seventy something like that and that in Halle Berry now again. This is uncomfortable for me but I like it. Let's push through it. People called all that Holly Berry for for being light. Oh for sure talking about your skin. Color Cameras Yeah. Then an ally in the black we have so many issues and again all stemming from slavery and Jim Crow and whatever it's all that a collective pain body it's like when the psychology of group Yes like Boston has a collective paintbox short areas have painful sure families have payments. You're Dr and he would say that that people oppressed people have like echoes of of pain. Absolutely that they don't even select to be taught at DNA. It's GonNa continue on until the cycle wouldn't it be in your DNA things my baby knows. Why wouldn't everything be carrying like how to pick up a pencil? You know there's a lot we don't even know about passing on I. I you know being a light skinned blackjack I've grown up my whole life my sister with that L.. SPC Yes we're interrupting. I know yes L.. Let's welcome back to worth interrupting. Were I think it was got. Have you been on other was another thereby guys you've been on recently. I'm just saying if people WANNA hear kids into run funches getting better podcast. I guess I bet he didn't interrupt. Did he had a bell that he would ring if I was talking about fun. It's in his name homemade. Jesus Fun Cheese and he is kind of like a bunch of fun. I've always call them. Bunches of punches. I don't know if I've ever said it was fake cheese cheese. Yeah like munchies. And he's he's got he's got him in depth on a treadmill is Iran. Look like ten in years ago. Say Oh I've had experiences myself when we're talking about. Of course my whole entire life of just the color ism within the black community and I just had experienced my sister dealt with differently. She's light skinned but people know she's black so it's like it's one thing where people look at me and they don't. I got my hair airport growing up. I've always didn't fit in. Oh by darker skinned black chicks like pulling my hair because good hair bad hair I was going to say what's going There's a big topic. I saw the movie good movie area so this this is the hair that you have. This is my hair so you. You were teased for that. I was teased. Didn't it all came. You don't want your hair. Teased that way teased out. Nobody should be teasing any of your hair anymore. It's not the ninety eighties or nineties. beat eighty it just means making more font like taking a comb and like Oh using your hair in a way that it makes it stick up. Yeah get more. I've got you so you were tease. Tease my hair. Just my got called on oriented a call all types of names and I felt left out a lot of time than even now as I don't feel joke talking about getting the nod from other black people. We have a Stein a signal like when you walk somewhere and you know like you get some you get the nod like I get you through the. Yeah and we're the only people they're only pete trying to relate not understand another comedian at a party. Yes yeah you connect if I see Jeffress at a party and it's just us. I'm going to try to talk to him. You GotTa Talk Exactly. I'm GONNA say these guys don't know what it feels like to bomb have no idea pinpointing superior being to act that to billions out here. They have no idea but he needs that right. And so I very I get that on occasion but it's very rare and I don't I don't because most people they don't know once they start talking to me and looking at my features and they're like. Oh Yeah Eh. Just in passing I blend and so most people out here. They think I'm Hispanic they think I'm Puerto Rican or whatever Jennifer Lopez. I get called a lot of things I've been called Asian before the rocker came up. Iraq's got that's actually in my bio it's like you're like I want to be. Ah I wanted to have a career yes. He's my racial ambiguity. To parlay into a huge correct the rock legislating Erik Griffin has has the same problem Blake Griffin knows all the Griffin's autographed all the Griffin's I I got into genome is pat miss of course. Yeah Oh I do not tell me everything I have I. I did about saying her name. I did a panel with her and we had a lot of laughs. Okay and that sounds about right nice superficial interaction but also your white. So she's not going to act towards you the way she acts towards me but oh we got into it because see. We don't even know we didn't even know what this happened. A few months ago maybe three months ago she disrespect affected me on stage. She's at the comedy store. Mind you there's only like there's maybe like me Punky Alisa Cooper Ms Pat. I might be missing. One that are like active. Working Regulars paid regulars at working at the comedy store right now black women. There's not a lot of black women that are paid regulated uncover. It's just a handful of us and I'm not saying that's because of any particular reason and I'm not saying I love the comedy I'm not GonNa talk about it but I'm just saying that's who the working black female uh-huh Comedians are at the store right. Now you're just putting it helps the story to say. This is a small group of last night and we were on a line like you guys should be sticking together yes not yes not trying to pull another down I mean just in general Ehrman inject stems from telling the stories because this is where it comes from. There's there's a there's an insecurity and a cell Patriot in our community. That made this woman. She we didn't even know each other like she never introduced herself to me. She actually interrupted a conversation. I was having with another black comic comic at the comedy store. One night interrupted our conversation and started talking to him and didn't say anything to me. Didn't even introduce as yourself or anything. Just interrupted took over our conversation to the point where I stood there for like three minutes and I was like flat. The Senate's walked away and so a week. After that happened. We were on a lineup together in the main room and she was bringing me up and she pretended like she didn't my name even though the sound guy said it three different times and she knows who I am. I seeing perform like she sees her name on the lineup so she knows my name. She pretended like she didn't name. And then I didn't hear what what she said next. Because I was backstage. I couldn't hear she. I know she said something to the audience but I couldn't hear what she said. And then I go out and do my set ignore her normally like shake hands or give somebody a hug who brings because we usually bring each other up with love and store because there's no host we just it's tag team so I didn't hear what she said but I knew it wasn't good and I knew she. She fucked up my name three different times. Pretend like who and he was like had his thompson she goes he goes candace Thompson. Natasha Joe Story where I think it was Martin. Lawrence brings her up and he says couldn't say liberal or he didn't WanNA sell jarrow and she said it's legit bitch. I don't work for you. It's like this terrible story necessary. It it was just unnecessary necessary. And it's like we're comets and we know how hard this is. Industry is in what we do so the species thing. Same side guys Sir Martin Lawrence and your Natasha. You're not writing for the same role. Actually bad boys for life was going to be Wilson originally cast. It's weird. I heard back. I don't have any friends that are ride or die. I have friends that are like ride separate. I have some friends that are like me. Motorcycle Sidecar if signals down there pushing a button and they're going that way I have a lot of parking is going to be hard taken over this. I don't have any. I don't have a lot of writing. I have some friends that ride or die but it's not a lot of comics. No it's Oh of course comics friends. That are outside or were like in this industry adjacent type thing but performing people. No absolutely not. I've I've got I've got most of my writer. Guys are none same same. These people are crazy. Let you meet us. Yes I think losing more ground of a black woman about to win an Oscar US Lupita go we need to be a muppet a bit like balcony the dream that we've been obsessed assess with those two old guys and God it's great and I'm going to manifest it great. Pick Christmas girl keep going so well. My Ms Pet story. Oh yes so will. I went out and performed. I didn't acknowledge your presence. Because she already pissed me off so I just went unperformed in my mind you. I had a casting director there to see me that night so I did my set. I had a really good set. walk-off Goff's as bad. I thought was really now because I didn't know what she said yet. Because I was at the store reasonably and j Larsen went up and talked about how dads are the best then. I went up and did my set about dads are the worst. I'm like. Why isn't the bit where he didn't do it on purpose but I was like Shit? He wasn't trying backstage calculating adding. How am I going to sabotage pizza? You've got to watch the guy also dad before you for sure. It's too much acid as my jack has too much as pizza. Orange Juice Walberg. I'm and talk to you. Should be G. A. KIERSTEAD ANDERSON AND OLIVER TO I two people in high school that were like. Oh Oh Garcia. I remember where we were. We were in their driveway beyond snl. And I was like live live with a musical. I would've gotten out of the car I've seen in my weight and you believe you actually take their like you heard what what they said you took it in and was like I haven't I really believed it already. But he was waiting to see of anyone else they were new friends. NEW FRIENDS AREN'T GONNA say your in. Your old friends are like in my friend group. I was the third funniest. Yeah and then with my new friends they were like who is this fucking Guy Right. Yeah no you're they are your family and your friends hands are the hardest people to sell you on anything. I used to be in sales and they were the worst people to sell. So it's like they're like that the last people to believe in anything that you do. That's right I'm trying to remember. My Dad said something recently where he was like What was it evaluates? Here she would know she was like he's had something like the the whole com. Oh no no no. This is what it was what it was he goes through. A my son is a put in quote. Well stand up comic. He put it quote wrote you. Had he went television shows plural. He came to see me at the Boston Garden. It wasn't my show. That's that's twelve. Thousand people are so big and he's still puts stand up comic at quotes profit in his hometown. That's Jesus quote a prophet. So when Jesus comes back to down and everyone's like he's like I don't know what it's okay we have our own profit. She's in the Galleon at one time and he's like fact nobody in Galilee. Respect and the J. C.. See they knew him stinky. Jeez my hurt hurts. You mean. Jeez Jeez he got wedgies just like everybody of course like everybody else in middle school. Jeez he's a hate you gonNA focus and finish this pet store that it's almost over so I get off state after I had a good set and one of the door guys comes comes up to me and he goes. What ethnicity are you again? And I was like black flag on my parents are black native American. There's white there too but you know I'm a next but black and he goes. Oh because Miss Pat just called you a white person she said white white people clap for one of your people. Wh That's how she brought me up white people clap for one of your people. That's loaded oded right. I mean that's I mean yeah. Of course it's loaded. Yeah that's you getting your hair pool. That's a lot going on and it's all on her like that's insecurities from how she was raised in how society treats women that look like her and so I got confirmation from like four other comics. who were in the room who saw it happen? They were like what the fuck was at and so I just went looking for her and I couldn't find her and then a so. I just took it to twitter and take the fight founder. I put on my face. Is that so your faces slippery. Yes really yes you learn so much today vacillate on your face and we keep a razor blade late on your tongue song. I I as the no people that did that. Shit Razor Blade under the tongue. Yeah Oh yeah. No I know doesn't sound good but I understand where I they do. You know what I'm saying so yeah. I couldn't find her that night but then I took it i. I like Obama handles like an adult because I didn't want to go to sleep warn. Want her to go to sleep thing and she could disrespect me and I'm not saying anything about it so I couldn't find her. I just went on twitter. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Why would you WANNA go atmos- packed? I understand that that is the opposite of what I understand that I represent something that is triggering for you. What did you say oh I was petty as fuck? I was pettiest talk but I came at her. And what did you say free fall out. Is that a Tom. Petty all right guys. This is my we just you walk. I alligator gotta go all right. Yeah no I just came at her like a comic in a roast style. which is how comics handle a lot of situations on become at each other like that and make jokes about it? So that's what I did so I was just telling jokes. The first thing I said was I said Miss Miss Pat. I know you're upset but disrespecting fellow comedians on stage is not going to bring the Popeye's chicken sandwich bag. That was what I came. Did the wave come out and dance plenty Jomar air. My roasts are are way like I think the thing of like saying something behind. Someone's back so nasty but like for some reason we love like saying it to each other. Yeah there's something kind of it could be Cathartic. I hope this ends and Guitar. But I don't know I. I don't know how it's ended up as you didn't tweet the backstory. You didn't say like tonight Miss Pat Brown. You know all I said was I said the the what I just told you about the disrespecting fellow comedians media so I didn't want to get you put an period before that everyone can endure. Well it was in the middle of the tweet so yeah I didn't start with atmos- pat grow but I put in the the middle the tweet so I didn't have to put the the period I where you would have. This was everybody. 'cause I and this is not a thing that she's just I've seen her heckle Jomar while he was on stage like yell stuff right in the middle of his he was having a great set. She's yelling stuff out at him for no reason. Like just being an asshole go. Only reason could be. He's on fire. Probably the only reason promptly but she also Benji a follow another comic at the store she did the same shift to him like she was bringing him up and refuse to say his name. I wouldn't say his name. 'cause Shula this Guy Mitch where do you think you are and so this is an ongoing. She has a problem. He's a history of doing this and so I'm not the only a person complain. I complained. I told Adam at the store I was like. This can't happen like we're supposed to be family here and again like black women women that are here like come on stop and so we went back and forth on twitter. She was just saying nasty. She wasn't even saying joke she was just saying she. Call me a come dumpster and she just called me. You used to be cute type and I'm like all right. You're just showing your whole ass right now. Everyone knows what you did because you obviously have jealousy Brown Michael Michael With light skin attractive women and so yeah it was bad and it didn't I ended. She kept coming and then like she is fans from like I did Rogan. But she did Rogin you can also and so his podcast and so she has a bunch of fans from Rogin. Which of course are on her side? Why what is her side her side it is being? She's the underdog she's a brown skinned fat black woman. Who obviously bobby you'RE GONNA get? You'RE GONNA get people supporting you just for that. People don't WanNa see me. They don't see me as black so they automatically think that I'm of privilege and being attractive and so they automate. You don't get fans that way. It's not conducive to comedy to would be like confident and smart ran light skinned and attractive. Have parents that love. You have a college degree you know. It's just rants not like people don't root for you. There's a lot of. There's a lot of psychology happened absolutely. Yeah and so the Dorsal that stuck up for her and like the amount of crickets that I was getting was just like okay. One people know me like you know me you know. I'm a good person you know that I'm not out here. And was she. Starting granted people didn't know the back story on twitter. They don't know but either way like Benji came into my and it was like she did the shoot me and I'm not gonna say something right are you slide in my DM's and this led into my pm don't slide into my personal messages like David spade the dirty show that'd be sliding in my my. PM Hey you so much and I hate people but so that was an example of again you know. Everyone wants ruffle feathers in this industry. Because they don't WanNa take sides and because she's got a Hulu show that she's working on right now like she's got a show about her life that's coming out on Hulu apparently and it's like people don't don't want to stand up for anything because they're like I wanted to WanNa work and if if they get mad at Ms Pat then she might not want to work with them. So it's like there's this thing that's why you I think we're sliding into RPM. Yes yeah that's kind of lends that's what I'm saying about the writer Dai thing it's it can be very tricky. Yeah I had yes. Yes Yep yeah you don't want again you can't stand for something because if you're standing against has a show any might stop you from working on it right then. Why why risk it? Yeah I mean what a weird we're like a bunch of pirates it's awful like a bunch of pirates and I m searching I'm like where are the genuine people like my friend Amanda. She got into a Madisonville. She got into it on like this whole thing are during the emmys like this. She got kicked out of an emmy by black EMMYS party for no reason other than petty personal grievance from someone who was a gatekeeper keeper and like got attacked online because people were like. That's what she gets and I'm like you don't even know her and I was like she said I'm the only a person tweeted about it and I said Amanda is not the problem because I know Amanda and I had her back and she was like you were the only person that stood up for me and like that's sad. We have too many ride separate friends because they don't want to. It's it's so individualized and so so. That's that's what can make the business feel so gross is that you're like we tried to talk about this. A little bit on crashing. I cut actually. There was a scene. Where my ex wife was saying like if you were holding me and you're holding your career like the good son remember the good son so you're holding orange? His lips had regular doubt. He's not orange lipped anymore. But as a boy we didn't know that's why we loved him but he got that twitter mouth but orange twizzlers heels also nasty one so have Elijah Wood is your career and macaulay. Culkin is your wife. It's like which one do you pull out and it's fucking hard to no. Oh and hang out with and sort of give all of your life to people that are pirates. Absolutely and I'm saying this as a pirate absolutely it we're pirates trying to be like are but I'm in touch with my father is like what we're trying. This is why forty year Gerald Pitas trying to have more friends outside of outside of the seventies. Look like I give some of my friends now a treasure your map. And they're like you're like yes. You don't get a hard when you see a big red x on some sand with maybe a palm tree. That's I think that's healthy is what I'm trying to do with my social life in like dating unsuccessfully because I haven't really tried dating comedians no not anymore I two updated too and that was a while ago so I've been moved past that for awhile now because of the pirate thing just because it's competitive and and for no reason again like it's like I'm your man I'm a woman. We're not competing for the same thing. That's right why they're whatever company but it just is right and so no not that that was the main reason one of them like I said was a closeted homosexual and then an associate path and the other one. I'm still very good friends with to this day. He just wasn't right for for me but I do know that yes. There's always going to be competition. There's always going to be men in general. Even that aren't comics. WanNa be the funny ones. So if you're funnier than dude it works so well. This is my Priv- is that like okay. I'm guy in a relationship supposed to be funny. One comedian is ninety where to shit already shit. Good Chat Good Chad. This guy knows all the hits hit songs and he knows when it's been two hours. What time is it like on earth five till three? We're good we're wicked good deal. Three three thirty. I think this man can go all day. My homeboy Coenen. What was I saying? We're talking about what you said. This was this. Was this why it worked with your privilege. Or you're I just fuck. It's it's normal to be the funny to feel funny and ver- comedian to be funny so like that. Both those serve each other. Yeah the guy wants to be the one in the relationship and I'm a convenient something he'd probably tell them like that well. No No More of that guy and women are fine with that like women throughout history. Do not have a complex being funnier than them. Do you want here we theory. Yeah this is not what I believe. Yeah this is something. I've noticed. Yeah I feel like a lot of times. We're acting like anatomy and men act like Dixon. Women Obviously are so much more than anatomy and men are more than there in but women's anatomy is accommodating. That's that's the natural Jonah End. Here's the weird part that I think is a pete. Holmes original getting erection is actually vulnerable so is telling a joke so when a guy tells a joke on a date and a woman laughs. Even if it's not great she's sort of subconsciously so consciously saying it's safe to be powerfully vulnerable. It's safe to be Iraq and I will accommodate you. Yes and that's what we're so much it's more than that is so true as a people were waking up to the idea that we're more than our anatomies but so much of that basic shit. Yeah let the guy be funny. Let Him Brag about his job. Lindy EH powerful is. You're saying let the Dick be hard and EUBOEA Vagina. That's all it is. But it's still like I know so many myself included women that are like dope that are just like super like fun intelligent and independent. Who are single and I know that? La is an awful place to to be single and especially as a woman trying to date. And everyone's just so self absorbed and worry about what's come. The next best thing is to so much so that they don't even care to get to know people on WanNa level that's more than just surface and so it's just very. It's very difficult but I've been trying to put myself in in situations or just being open to other situations other than people in entertainment but it's like you know when it's all we do. I have to go out of my way to go somewhere. Her to get an import. I know it's a lot import but I do from where she was living. Upstate a California state and you met like North doing show in San Francisco doing a show and that doesn't happen where I was on the road. Yeah see women we guys don't approach us after I know. Yeah so I like to tour right now. The silly silly boy toy is a double double headliner tour. Because Laura Bites is opening killer so it's like the whole show is wall to wall. It's like you leave after you'd be. That was a great show and we talk a little bit about dating and we talk a little bit about what it's like being powerful. Yeah being funny being like really funny. legit original funny because when I go home for like whatever. I don't really go home back in the day when I'm with I'm just kidding. Go home for Thanksgiving and you hang out with your friends from high school and you realize you're doing you're doing John Belushi. You're doing Jim Carey. This guy's doing Jim Gaffe gaff again like everybody's sort but if you meet someone that's like an original. Never seen this before. Who People do Lara Bites? She's like a real voice. You go on a date eight with that suddenly. Remember what I'm saying about a Dick Direction is confidently vulnerable job as I've lost my erection because the dog came in and looked at me funny so I'm trying to point out like that. Is the the tension of being a man right kid. Rock exists because we need these archetypes. It's to be like I'm always hard right right right because we're so scared right at the show who we really are on a day with Laura and you're like I feel threatened by someone in who is smart funny and I'm just hypothesizing I can't say that for sure but because she hasn't told me that but I have to imagine all female comedians but especially the funny ones the ones who are actually. Yeah no it's like I said well we will. We walk off stage. We got hit on my swingers. It's a weird thing yeah good yeah but there's no guys that are like hey let me because you seem like adventurously you're brave like you're doing. Then yeah they just it's an intimidating thing it's also we get fan boys to which is I. I think it's easier. It's man that was like a weird Charette's thing that just happened. I just wanted to be Chris. Tucker women be shopping say it's I. I don't know if this is true for every woman in comedy but I find it difficult knowing. WHO'S A fan boy Roy? And who wants to date me as a person. Oh interesting because I've there was one guy that I liked who I thought liked me too and then we date for like a hot minute like it was super quick and then I'm like oh I think he's gay and I think he's a fan boy and I think he just wanted to be around me. We'd we'd be at the comedy store because he wasn't in the industry at all. He's like in another industry but the way he was I thought he wanted to date eight me and then we hung out and then one occasion we made out for the first time. He stopped me from making out like if we made out he stopped me was like oh I've got work to do and it wasn't. There was not a passionate from him. I've should've felt on the first time we're making out. And and then but yet he still wants to go. I come to your show and I'm like what a W- interesting. Yeah you're access. Yes you're you're a land. Yeah yes so what are you doing now. Nothing no I mean like I'm I'm not trying to. We're talking about getting out of strong word because I'm not really trying I'm into the mindset of being open. I had a crush China another guy that wasn't in the industry just recently but he has a girlfriend and do not want to. He's never going to. This is what I'll tell you after the podcast Jake Jake but yeah he's not available and the situation we're in is very interesting which I'll tell you after we start recording. I don't I WANNA I don't WanNa say what he is or off GMT. Might hear this. But anyway I would sitting now would make for good. Let's talk about podcast God Yes who never heard of ever heard of it. You know what's funny when you're saying there's no concrete evidence the older. Yeah I get because when I was a kid I know you see. Yeah but most people don't but what I'm saying is even the part of you. That's not seeing concrete. Evidence is the the evidence that's what that's the revelation that I've come to. It's not I've said this on every podcast I'll never stop saying podcast because we were silly times and we get weird racially tense worried about pete agreeing and race riot with this. I guess that's my. That's my goal for this. We're GONNA be here for me. She's actually behind you episode. I would love that. I've been wanting to confront her. Ever since she did. I can feel that I could feel the need for closure but So I repeat myself but I can't stop repeating because to me as a sort of thing you have to hear a million times before before you get it absolutely is it's like even this is the evidence like existence is the evidence so tell me what your story is. I I believe that one hundred percent. I just think that trying to explain that to someone who doesn't believe is like you know what I'm saying like existence. We're just here right right for no reason. And I grew up Christian Episcopalian have since shifted more towards a spiritual practice Krishna consciousness which is more like Buddhism. Yeah yeah conscious. I've never had a ganges. Oh Yeah Yeah No. It's very similar to I mean it's there's have you heard of the SF self realization fellowship. Yeah I go. I'll go there. Onda is your homeless PROMVONSGA. I can't say the first name Promvonsga Miss Packing right now. But I can't say that thanks. I WANNA learn to say a pro Pro Honda. I don't think I've ever heard out loud. I have the auto biography of Yogi. So good if you read it. I've listened to most of it Ari. Oh you're you're I've seen awake the movie. Yes yes yes. Is that still on Netflix. Still Net flicks. I go ahead and throw down the seventeen dollars is that. What is it and right box bedroom for this made money keeps me? They've upped it keeps me in my spiritual autobiographies you're going on is a guy from India brought a lot. He's one of the peace of the bus headed Yoga Yoga Movement on Krishna Consciousness to yes the western hemisphere and so am I right in Krishna. Consciousness is this that that that you can achieve it. Yeah it's not gonNA say the same thing Christ consciousness Krishna or the joke that we all used to make where it would be like. Oh everything is one or Gandhi. Goes into a pizza place as with everything. F The the feeling the experiential knowledge of being being one. It's in all of us. We all have God inside of us. So yeah and I switched over to. It's not that I was unhappy unhappy. I always had faith and that to me was not something I needed to be taught. I was born knowing there is something else greater than those kids to do. I would use one of those good Saif. Yeah we had gotten to a level we learned. And now we're in this life coming in with the knowledge that we had Fried Clean Adrian. I'm just like all right got it. Yeah I I've dabbled in other right in my doubts and my things but also always just been kind of like come on. There's this makes me think there's something going on at because there's something going on. I think there's something going thing going on. I mean from just energies that you feel from people like how do you even explain that like if you if you just sit it in silence in nature feel there you go and how you and people don't feel it. I'm always like how do you not feel this. I'm like I can feel this. Is Mike Mike Salad of us. Don't there's a great quote where he goes. All of man's problems stemmed from the inability to sit alone in a room quietly and I was like that's it. That's what war is. That's what hate it is. That's all this stuff is to keep us because nobody taught us how to be quiet. Be With yourself because I was having a conversation with Richard Ruin my head today like an imagination. When is it going to happen? Richard I do all of this study all of his contemplation. All of this work. When am I just going to be there? And it's like when and when I'm saying that the thing that has the wheel is my mind and my e and as soon as I let my hands off the wheel and quiet. I'm like I was there. I was always the problem. is is that kind of feels fleeting missed or something like the memory of that. Yeah Yeah that's why we have to keep reminding remember. That's why I can read at the same book over and over and over. Listen to this lecture over and over and over because you keep forgetting because he doesn't remember the part of me that is always no. Yeah it's just so deep that you have to torture to get to the physical that right you have so much more of the guy. That's eating pizza. Then there is the guy that's like sit in between the bites of the pizza. Sir You can have it. I had valid. I went on a lunch day today and I was eating my food and suddenly you're there and you're just like haw. Aw become aware of being aware and everything's perfect and it's not about beliefs. It's not about defending the specific. That's a Richard. I think there's a book called the scandal of the specific. How we all defend the specific but we lose the always the everywhere in the the all the eternal lose the big picture in the debating of like? Is it okay to be gay in the little things that don't matter at the end of the day who is asking. Is it okay to do this right. Who is it that's doubting that's like? I'm sorry you just got me so excited. So the idea that when I was doubting I was doubting and that's a fun game for God to play too right I never thought of it like this is my younger in this. He goes what game. Wouldn't you play. I would play the most Guy City of God is hilarious all the time and actually going to be one of the one of my second special. I think I've decided going to be God. Likes to clown or God is hilarious. God likes to clown because there. I had to remind myself right when something bad happens. I'm just like you son of a son of A. That was by you laughing right now. Aren't you because this means means nothing like this means we're all just you know you're yes. We're vapor yes and isn't it funny everything so seriously dude. That's it isn't it. Funny that at Vapor get so worked up that somebody wrote something nasty about it on Facebook and your dislike vapor. Oh Oh that's that's what's so interesting about the constant news feed in our pockets. I think the D spiritual ization is linked a lot ought to like getting up every tragedy. Absolutely locked in your mind keeps you locked in. I'm not saying that we don't have to act. People aren't clear about this act and resist and and and change and work and all that stuff is part of it. But there's something about every fifteen seconds every time you take a piss checking and seeing how about once today you check in or maybe maybe once a week or wait till somebody tells you about it. You know what I mean. If if it's big you're GonNa make fun of now for doing the net what you're not paying attention but that's entertainment. I was reading this book. It's called Hate Inc.. It's about the new system and it's written by a person that was in news and he was like news is not designed to inform you. You're not intended to maintain it. You're not intended to learn from it. You are intended to be stimulated by. It's the point of it pertained in the same way. McDonald's doesn't give a fuck about you so they're gonNA put sugar in the news. Doesn't you think Wolf Blitzer in the French. I actually don't know that's the least harmful ingredients. Ask Dick Chemicals in all of absolutely right like you think Wolf Blitzer. It gives a flying fuck about you there celebrity there and you want the war is great you then it makes them famous course. There's a lot of conversations going on right now about Iran but they're also like this is our sweeps right. You know what I mean. We think like Tommy Laron. These other other dislike figureheads or whoever that are causing so much. They're being disruptive and being controversial. I don't even believe what they're saying. I mean I think they're doing it just so they can be talked about just so they can get more followers. That's my thing on my theory but I've heard that theory that trump just wants to have the the biggest reality show in the world. We're talking about a person with narcissistic personality disorder which dovetails back. We were talking about earlier but yet everything that there's nothing he doesn't do. That's not for him. Every action alight him light more fires get more yeah. This is just like a glowing. Manic fire doesn't want to be president. He wants to be the most popular person. That's I remember when he was like if I. He said on an old clip if Iran. I'd be Democrat and then he's like well. I'll be a republican more salacious. More juicy people people talk. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah yeah anyway. You feel it Krishna. House Krishna doing fantastic meditate every day. What kind everyone's wins like? Have you done transcendental meditation before and I'm like I I believe that's just what I dead without knowing what what I was doing. Well there's bigger letdown than when someone explain and see what is that. They spin it out and I have no problem with. I did a fundraiser for them recently. What David Lynch's love it but it is funny and I would say yeah this to David Lynch and he would ever reason why do it? It's a four day course and at the end they go repeat this word in your heads by myself. Fan Fan. Didn't pay anything about the WHITEBOARD. They're showing me like what happens to your brain waves and stuff like a youtube video. I think what they would say. Hey is if you don't have a class and if you don't pay money that sounds suspicious but I actually believe that for me specifically about the investment made me do it more. Yes yes and I believe that one hundred percent. There's BR adds value to it. Because you paid for it. I believe that's what you know. Horatio said was he was like in the West. They won't do it unless you make it into a product you need to make it into something that you bought and then you'll buy whereas maybe in the East you could say here sit down and it is life changing like I've been probably doing it two years now and Yeah it's legitimate. It's a Monday I do. I have sometimes. I'll just do home. I'll say home. That's the basically the vibration of the universe I'll do that mantras I there's an APP that I use sometimes called inside timer and I don't have a mantra that's ever been given to me but some of them are chance that you chance over and over again with the APP. You Do Hari Krishna. I've gotten Janet. How are you Christian? Never seen a grieving. You think they even when I was giving. I've never been kid seeing Hari. Krishna has not been lying commute Tampa and I wish I could be my whole life. I wish I could be as free as a hurry. Kristen it'd be like any Union Square. Just GonNa Break Out Right Rodney that you bought them in all these balls. It's so stupid but I'm wearing a you made it one day I'll get to that level of just not caring. Yeah about appearances and just break out my Hari Krishna. Well those are due vapor some probably actual project themselves to be in another play. They're also watching the joker. I mean if you really have an experiential knowledge of being vapor joke and I don't mean the cosmic joke like Hanjani. We all die. I mean like the the play. Yeah that's what my daughter's name means Leila the play of the universe. I know that you gravitate Brennan you dancing in the park and sometimes you weep but what I like about meditation is when you meditate. You forget yourself self. Yes but you're still there. He's still and that's the point that is like who's there if no one's minding the store what is it that they're who are you at your most base so when people say like it's nice it's good for energy it'll help you sleep. I'm like you and this is what they don't tell you it's going to help you detach from believing the narrative your thoughts. I I'm this. I'm that this is important accessible. And the things that we know in the West watching Can't remember the fucking name of that movie the farewell. I can't remember the name of that movie but he did. It takes me two minutes when you're watching that and you see all this. The perspective of China. That was my favorite part. The film was seeing the different world view of China and the way that they have more of a collective identity. I'm not saying China. I'm just saying this one family and that's when movie You realize just how much all of us and this is where drawer says is the point of contemplation. The point of meditation is to realize how many how many beliefs are our guiding your life and nothing new can come in when you're just being a thing from a place with a belief country from time from apparent and nothing you you can get in and he's like but when you are new and when you are empty and he says that meditation brings in Clean Water and when you are clean water even an old idea with a new youself can be useful as a new idea. What the old self? Nothing's going to happen. Right fucking dope. That's so great he also says that we're we can't get over the idea. We can't learn the idea that you see a hot air balloon and it makes you happy. And he's like it wasn't a hot air balloon. You were feeling happy like something inside of you is acting and wanted wanted to be happy and anything would have done that on the balloon that yeah. It's all projections and there's so much more going on inside. Yeah and and we get lost in the hot air balloon distractions. There's so many distractions but it's it's such a once you get there. It's such a relief because the worry just fades away like I've never been a warrior and that is mainly in part because I've always had faith that everything was going to be okay and your dad worried for you and my dad did that for me. Yes one hundred percent. I can't go into your move across the country by yourself self. I'll worry for you well. Yeah 'cause I moved out I mean I moved across the country by myself not knowing anybody on a wing and a prayer saying. I'm I'm going to do this and here we are and I'm doing it a and it's like we this. The signs were all there. Would you need to pay attention attention to them because even those days when I did worry about something. I'm like this one is sid never worked out for you and I was like it's always worked out and that's also because of you for one. You knew what I meant by working out coupons is like it's and that's also but that's a Karma the thing also like I've been a good person might entire life so like that's that's just that coming back to me like being a good person giving when I have to other people who need you will be rewarded for that type of behavior and so I- honestly like well. Where's my next paycheck on a gun from and then disappears out of nowhere? It's like I'm good and just living abundantly yes and you can live abundantly once you tap into that resource which is yourself. You just have to get to you. Know that it's there and what's the word I'm nurture it. Yeah Yeah Oh that's lovely it's lovely I feel like I understand your spirituality. Is there anything else you wanted to re beyond a buyer Yogi. How did you find that I I neat nine either? reread it now. That I'm saying because you know I like we're saying go back and reread it and get a whole more from it because it's been so long you just were now that I've had a grasp on it much longer than I had. Yeah when I read it. I'm going to go back and revisit that so many parts that you just tune out and then then you listen to it again. Now you've experienced something now makes you relate due to an because reading in the first part opened you up to it and then back. There's nothing more exciting to me than reading spiritual texts and Gannon going like. I didn't read that the magic trick. I didn't hear that but first time absolutely But you were raised with the with the stinky cheese stinky dis and then was there any resistance they will also was a part of The Christmas consciousness movement right Jesus was just he was. He was one of the messengers singers from above. Who Say yes but somebody had to explain that to you right? You didn't have any like I'm cheating on the Lord. No because they'd all like I said it just all like stand up with me I can never teach it because it came innately to me I. I just was always funny like from what I was three. I was telling jokes. My parents will tell me like I. I went to a dance. I I was in dance lessons when I was younger. And I remember being in the lobby my sister. I was too young to be in class at this point but I was in the lobby and my sister was taking taking the class. 'cause she's a little older than me and some woman at three she asked me. How old are you? And I said with a straight face eighty-one uh-huh for no reason and see cracked up. My Dad cracked up. And that's one thing I've been doing is making people laugh since I got here and so there's never been a magic volunteer. Thank you get it and so in that I didn't. I'm not gonNA say that I knew my purpose from that young. 'cause I didn't I got into. I knew around around college I was like. I don't feel right pursuing this major that I'm in because I'm too silly. I'm like I'm goofy and I'm supposed to. I was studied dietetic nutrition which means I was. Go go take an unpaid internship in a hospital for a year. Take a test become a dietician. Now's I don't WanNa work in a hospital in two goofy like that's not a place where you just walk around cracking jokes right and so so I point one of my parents and I was like. Would you guys be terribly upset at me if you wasted your money on my education and I'm like I wanNA move across the country to L. A. and pursue a writing for television. I wanted to see if I can write for sitcoms and get into acting did no. I've been doing standup but I fell into that. And obviously they're all connected but yeah I knew I wanted to entertainment so I don't feel like I feel like this was a gift that was given to me and I really feel like that's what everyone needs to realize they spent so much time trying to figure out what what their purpose in life is. And I'm like just what are you good. What do you enjoy doing? And that's IT and share it. You were given that so you can share it with people and so will once you figure that out you can. That's what you're you'll be fine because you find and what what's your purposes it's like the cliche guidance counselor. If you had one hundred million dollars ars what would you do. I love that I don't. I don't know why that got teased her. Like it's cliche accuracy and BJ Novak to this. PODCAST was talking about a guy who made an APP and made a billion dollars or whatever and they started doing comedy. It makes me feel so good. What I'm doing is like the thing that you would do? I'm happy what I'm saying. That out of gratitude bragging and there's something for everybody whatever but we also happen to live in a culture that really values entertainment APPs so that is very true so that's really nice. One of the things that valid I talk about is like what are the things that might not be valued by our society that are still very valuable. You know what I'm saying like so to many people if you if you had a hundred million dollars what we believe to be a movie star and it's like have you ever volunteered at a magic show. That's what have you ever lied about your age when you were three. Stop it sort of goes back to dating white women in this weird way. Scott buying someone else's story I can't speak to the other day saying like I always say you. What's the deal? Do View is a way to say it. But don't don't do the you that you think you're supposed to be viewed as it might be picking. Ah Herbs foresting. Yeah and be like finding crazy mushrooms like my friend dave odd finding crazy mushrooms. There's a guy who used to book shows in Chicago. Mushrooms uh-huh to eat or not forages mushrooms and sells them to restaurants lake and he loves it because he loves hiking. And I don't even know I've just facebook post was shot onto the mushroom man. Thanks for the first ten dollars I ever gotten standup. It's framed in my house. I'll show you know I wouldn't let anybody. I would love to see that. All think about the people who are into mushrooms as he is that he is providing mushrooms to. Somebody's someone's going to say thank you for for doing. Some chef is going to go thank you for me and he sits hockey Cremedas us of mushrooms. criminial start apart is just cut us. Cut Back Doc. You know you're a dancing culture of you name your city. I'm still riffing back. We have Boise Voisey. Sounds like north tap dancing. There Boise is the broom on the ceiling of of pick pick. Pick what I knew it. It had to be Ohio. Well I'm so happy to talk to another White Woman and Oh wow I did the. NFL pair of ripped off a mask and holds. I oh Miss Pam same thing I I would love to have a conversation with Miss Pat and squash whatever it is but my manager reached out to her and she did not respond on and my manager had a relationship with her like helped her sat down with her and talk to her and so when she did not respond to my manager. Well who's your manager. They came up three times. CBS Love Her Goldberg Goldberg Goldberg. Yeah she sounds like you don't want to tell me your ventures I made up a neighbor you know okay. They're Jewish name NAT where no no. She's great apparently she's great but Yeah no people are trash. I'm I that's the first time I've said this during this people trash rush. I gotTA stop saying trash. 'cause I manifest. Oh 'cause they manifested it. I could talk about people being trashed in my set and I say it so often just in life that one day I manifested a pile of trash on my front lawn hilarious. It's my upstairs. Neighbors got kicked out not kicked out but they got paid to leave because of the building up bought and black lack. Any Party was above your house direct. I am listening and they laughed and they left a huge pile of trash on my front lawn well and I was like I say people are piles of money. Well the money's not yet no I trust me. I got the money thing. Fine like I manifest enough about money to say that. I don't need to say people but people are viable dating man. That's what I was about the same there you go. People are love. I welcome that it's time I've been. I've been alone most of my life and it's time that I try to and I've been fine with being alone but that's I think it's time I try. I'll put a man on my vision board. There you go. She sees put crab guts. No and what is his name. Do you want to know what his name is. I think he's a good actor. That's how you know some of the good actors when I hated him really. Yeah Clint or Clot Clot Clot Clot Lovelock's Goldberg Bumble Goldberg. I told my elven Alvin wouldn't end until somebody used Jamaica Jamaican accent Blah Blah. Thank you so much we keep going for nine years but we're down here. I'm so glad we did this. You tell her book because you work on getting dirty with David Spade IAMs. PMS He added into your PM's is sliding heading into your pms. Oh it is lower case. S Yeah Yeah. The first draft was just said. PMS spade was like bumping about this. He was like people pop booth. I'll see you soon. I think I'm coming back to sure you're you're back. You're probably on this week. I'm going to have a treat. Thank you so much guessing keep it crispy. That's how we end keep it crispy just fucking with me. Thank you so much I have to say that counts keep it crispy cream. Oh no interest at the present that like that. It's like four hundred episodes thank you so crispy crispy.

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Side Effects of Narcissists (with Candice Thompson)

Small Doses

1:16:12 hr | 2 years ago

Side Effects of Narcissists (with Candice Thompson)

"Yeah. The pack has world is growing bigger every day and Himalayas wants to help you navigate it Himalayas a brand new podcast app where you can find every single podcast you love and some future faves. Whether you're a podcast or a fan Himalayas has got yo bat discovered personally. Curiously listen show, your favorite podcasts or some love with Himalayas tip jar. It's free. It's the easy to use. And we're adding it's free. It's the easiest to use. And we're adding cool new features every day. So go to your apps store and download Himalayas. That's H I N A L A Y and don't forget to follow small doses or once year at that Sabalae mountain. How? So funky. This is an episode that is long overdue. I've referred to this. I mean, allusions I've spoken directly sank people's names. But it is time that we delve dive borough into side. Yup. Yup. Yup. It's going to be a real one on. And I didn't want to approach this real nece by myself. So today's guest is my good friend and comedian and very common narcissist runner inner run run into her. Candidates thompson. Hey man's. Hey cans. To be honest. I didn't really truly no like the full go p- of narcissists narcissism until I met you. And you put me on game because Kansas is a researcher at heart. And when she was up against something that doesn't really like fully make sense. She goes into the crevasse. She dives deep into the crevasse, by the way is one of my favorite episodes of thirty rock, just so we're clear. And. It's a great episode where Jack Donna Donigi is trying to figure out like how is he going to get them out of this whole government buyout situation that will Arnett net has now like soak them suck them into. And he's talking to Liz lemon. And he's like, I don't know what to do. And she was like, I mean, you just got to you can't back out. You gotta just commit even more. And he was like I know what I have to do. I have to go deeper into the crevasse as he explains I feel like there's like an explanation of a story where like some people get like buried in avalanche and instead of digging their way out up they have to dig down deeper deeper into the crevasse, and that's how they get free is a crevasse just a bigger crevice. I mean, I feel like crevasses is a French wherever for crab is. Oh, maybe because it's definitely spelt a animal. Right crevice, spelling is similar. It's crevices ic- crevasses a whiz made me feel like his French. It is we have known knowledge of whether that's to or not. We could research. It we go. We're focus right now on narcissist. Correct. So Kansas is going to join us for the entire episode because her knowledge on this topic eclipses mine, and I speak merely from experience based. Knowledge, and in Kansas has experiential, but also YouTube videos, YouTube, videos, and literature, and yes, that's right. Read books. I absolutely have. So the reality is both of us are m PAT's so we attract narcissus by nature of one the fact that we are open vessels. So they're attracted to that. And to we're givers not to be confused with healers, which is a weird title. The people give themselves without people giving it to them without any qualifications. If you've ever hear move to myself as a healer or is it guru? I want you to find me I'm going to be like Amanda starting a cult. And I kind of doing. Join I don't think you'd be a weird sex cult one. No, I would not it'd be it'd be a lot of music. Yeah. I feel a lot of choreography would be. Yes. There will be mandatory corio. Absolutely. So, ladies and gentlemen, I'm giving us joviality right now, we're very jocular because it's going to get serious is and it's gonna get real. And it's going to get uncomfortable. Because during this episode, you're going to realize that people in your life are narcissists, and it's going to force you to have to make some decisions to move out your houses, some y'all. Yes. Some y'all gonna have to hide your kids. Okay. And your it's because it's a shocking thing when it comes on you because it also can be very liberating because you're like, oh my God. I hadn't even considered this. But this situation has seemed like just. Nonsensical for so long. And now here is somebody giving me even just a seedling of insight into something that I have always felt mystified by so strap in brace yourselves is going to be an emotional, right? Let's a Jim. I am dropping. Her right here. We are. I gem drop listen close. Today's Jim drop is narcissism versus narcissist. Now, these are important distinctions because narcissism is a certain level of how would you put it? It's a certain level of self. Love that is a bit extreme. Can we say that narcissism self that is extreme at first being a narcissist? Which is a a pathological way of living. That is completely. Outside of self awareness. Should I be talking? Yeah. Okay. I was I was I didn't know if this was like the monologue portion. No, no, no. Because narcissism is something that you have to have some of. Of course, you can't be completely devoid of narcissism, basically, in my opinion. Narcissism is the nerve it you having the nerve to believe that you can do something or be something beyond the limitations society may press on you. So I have to have a certain level of narcissism to believe that I'd get onstage and tell these your shore for sure. Everyone that is in what we do in our industry to believe to actually believe and there's a little bit of delusion. That's also tied him with it. Because you're like because literally what we're saying. We're going to be successful. At is like a football game light. I'm gonna make it in the NFL. Like, you sound crazy. Go odds. But we're both like kind of like you for sure for sure I'm still. I'm doing things I'm doing big things are right. A mini street. I'm in the in these three, right? But for us to have the nerve, the nerve to think that we want us that the people that were in front of right now, we're going to listen to what I have to say. And they're going to laugh at it. It's really like who do you think? The fuck do you think you are? Yeah. When I was in third grade, I told my teacher I wanted to be the first black female, president of the United States of America. And she was like she sent a home saying Amandas overconfident needs to pursue more realistic goals. I just had to Larry's a healthy level of narcissism. That said to me, you can go beyond that you love yourself enough to believe in yourself beyond the the belief of other people, but which is first of all I would like to point out like what you just said is kind of unheard of like first of all being a black girl. Right. Like, they don't tell us. Those are attainable thing. Correct back with that. And she did. And she literally said to your mother. No, ma'am. This is unreasonable your daughter's unreasonable, right? She met the nurse. So like the fact that you had that in you from when you were that young like, I didn't have that in me. When when I was that young. I don't have it in me now to think, oh, I can be the president. I'm still str-. That's something that I struggle with regularly is like my confidence level, but at the same time, you can still have like that as something that you're working on. But you can also still have beyond the spectrum of having some narcissism. Well, I think that they're not mutually exclusive. They're not mutually exclusive. I mean, I remember when I had to have the conversation with myself about social media, and deciding like, okay, you're going to commit to utilizing your social media to advance your career and the biggest situation that was holding me back was the reality that I was going to have to exercise a certain heightened level of narcissism, sure. Because so much social media is simply about you demonstrating to the masses the love of yourself, and what you can do you're talking to. A camera. Yeah. Just you. Yeah. And you got to love yourself on like, and I think it's maybe nice. Love is not even the words like admire. If like admire yourself, it sounds sounds thrash. It sounds like you're literally trying to psych your own just admiring myself. There's a vanity to it for sure. And so you have to have a certain, but it's like there's gotta be a certain dose of that in order for you to not let the self doubt, and the insecurity and the suppression of like society constantly saying like, no, you can't no you you can't I think that that's part of like privilege as well has a little narcissism built into it. Now narcissists take this beyond a tool, and it is a lifestyle. Yeah. It's beyond a trait, and it's the sum of their parts and narcissists ultimately believe that the admiration that we're talking about that you have to have in terms of a dose of admiration for narcissism. They ultimately believe that everybody has an admiration for them. Right. And if they don't their job is to convince that person. That they do try and get that person. It validates them they constantly need it. So if there's one person who doesn't think that about them, they focus on that person to try and make sure that that person will pray end up praising them. Now. Here's where 'cause I know some people are listening, and they're like, well what's wrong with that? I mean, let's be little light. This is that they will do whatever it takes manipulation lies. Yeah. Yeah. Gas lighting gas. I was gonna say and also making you feel like you're their best friend, and so they can trust you they'll build a trust with you. So that you actually feel like, oh, this is like someone I'm close to. And that's how that's part of the manipulation. And so you then start to feed into it is whatever their goal is. Whether you know it or not most of the time, you don't because they're tricky bastards. They are they're tricky bastards. And I think that you know, there's a reality to the fact that this is still a new part of common lexicon. Oh for sure. You know, like the narcissist label has been a part of psychology and sociology. But I think within like the zeitgeist of just regular, folks. It's definitely new and social media social media has absolutely also shown a light on like this is what a narcissist looks like. And I hopefully with this type of conversation that we're having on this podcast today. And I talked about it on my social media helps you shine a light on like, oh, that's when our says looks like or like am. I mean our system, and I in our system, I think there's a rule of thumb that says if you can recognize that you're in our success. You're probably not you're probably not 'cause you're there's a level of self awareness. That's there that is lacking true narcissist. They do if you I've called a narcissist a narcissist to his face and associate path as well. And then in in not a nice way. Like, how do you say that you can't was like, oh, no. I literally sent to this person. He's an actor. Of course. I said, yeah. Oh, no. Because we got into an argument, and he what he he was saying some crazy shit. And I said, oh, no, you're a sociopath. And which is we can talk about sociopathic 'cause there's a fine line there on this done on a spectrum. But he also was a narcissist. But I call them associate and then within like a month. And I said we need a break. I can't talk to you. We need some space. He text me like a month later. Hey, can we hang out? Again. See this is what I don't do. I recently just had this situation with somebody who I wouldn't necessarily say that there are narcissist a sociopath because I feel like they are more muted. But then you start to realize that it comes in all different shapes and sizes and colors and techniques. And it's not always people who are outwardly like problematic. And I think that's what people are thinking people feel like if the person isn't somebody that's like agree GIS and gregarious, and you know, really out here like showing they ass. It's like, oh, well, they must not be in our system. But I think that we have to understand that there's there's different levels. And there's different versions. Absolutely. And then you have to figure out is this narcissism, or is this someone who's a full-blown narcissists? Right. And it's tricky it's very very badly. Luckily, I've done the research for all of you. So you just listen to this. You'll be fully vetted to know whether or not you fucking with a narcissist. I think that for ourselves we can value narcissism as this little extra level of like. It's like a power boost. It's like that. Turbo. You know, you'll be playing outrun at the. At the arcade. And you'd be like driving you drive in with the steering wheel. And then they're like, you could be like, but but. And that's like what pushes you pass. Like, that's what narcissism is this. This little turbo. Boost to your ego to get you over the hump of the self deprecating blocks that we have to do what you need to do. Right. And like you said sometimes it is delusional. Sometimes it's definitely like I know that the odds are against me. However, I'm Benham self Seattle is turns out a narcissist is somebody who lives in that space at all times and is willing to disrupt your space in order to preserve their. When you interact with other people, and you're hurting people through that for your own self preservation. Yes. That's when it becomes a level of it's detrimental, and what you need to watch out for for. Sure. I think we need to get some DM teams. Blue. Whistle. I can't whistle. They can. Of course, you can whistle. Get out of here. I hate her. That's a lie. And the narcissism me knows. It's a lie. I have a skill. I just I have a skill. That's not whistling. Can I demonstrate? Gruel the relearn. Agreeing again. How did you even find that? Maly only only. Oh, my you're not moving. Only. Like, how did you discover this? I just covered this eighth grade. I wanna give a shoutout to these white girls that are went to junior high with who lived in Glendale. Stacey rare men Brigitte Maier things are moving one other one. I bay started doing it. And then I was like, what's the what are you? I'm I'm literally saying girl with my mouth closed, girl, girls neural. Regal girls. I know it's terrifying. In practice. It. I find the one thing that Amanda can't do, you know? I can't is that what we did. You know? I can't find a man I can't either. But okay, there's two things. But that's also not your fault. That's on them. This is why we're friends Necas data's fucked up. They do. Part of team. Can't let these live. We came up with that. That was so good talking about misspellings and tex-. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got them down couldn't let them live, and they don't like they don't like being called out when they're wrong. And that's kind of what we are professionals. Excuse me. There isn't about should be there. That is the singular, and we are referring to the plural of women. Yeah. Decide. No. I need us to all get that ironed out. I don't wanna see nobody else saying, you're very smart women. You are very smart women. Yeah. I don't want us. Not. You are very smart women. No. I'm a very smart one, man. Whoa. Man. Were man. Also, what's mine not minds? She got. That's mine. No. It's not it's mind. My and it's also I I am sorry for your loss. Not you're lost. Oh, no sorry for your lost. Oh, that's out here rampant. You know? What else was out here? Bless you. Ever since have you ever heard anyone say every since I was a little kid. I had someone say to me verbally. Congrats would the D. And I was like how do you spell? Congrats with any was like a tea CR. Wildly the why are you pronouncing? It come grads. You Latian 's? His favorite word. Idiot. This is Ron burgundy telling you to listen to my podcast. Here's a little something to what you're saying. Right now, I'm terrified because I don't know what a podcast is. Let's take some calls. Caller, number one. You're on with Ron burgundy what's on your mind? Any callers? No callers. No. Because people aren't listening in real time. Schick got it. If you are listening to this and have downloaded by mistake. Please turn it off. Now, turn it off. No, we we live. So the will cruise here. Okay. All right. Okay. So if you're Taurus, your horoscope is come on pull you together Kelly. I saw you defecate was reduced to my basic. Rumba? Available wherever podcasts found. Could listening. Make you a better leader. Maybe even better parent person. I mean, y'all been listening to small doses not feel like folks telling me it's been making their lives. Better listening is a skill that can elevate all parts of your life. So why not listen on audible? Yeah. Audible gives you access to an beatable selection of audio books, including bestsellers motivation, mysteries thrillers, memoirs and more audible has the largest selection of audio books on the planet, and now with audible originals this election has gotten even more custom with content made for members y'all know you out there really doing the thing. Trying to listen to the Michelle Obama book. Also, if you're like me, and you like Harry Potter listening area. Potter is hilarious because they say all the different characters in different accents. It's really a good time. Audible members can choose three. Titles of their own every month. One audiobook into audible knows that you can't hear anywhere else. Audible members also get access exclusive audio fitness programs to start the new year off right on the right foot. You can listen on any device anytime anywhere at home at the gym in the car, etc. Also, enjoy easy audiobook exchanges rollover credits in audio book library, you can keep far have even if you cancel your cell. Hold onto the so good. Audible dot com slash small doses or texts small doses to five zero zero five zero zero and listen for a change. All you gotta do is go to audible dot com slash small doses or texts small doses to five zero zero five zero zero and listen for a change. We toyed with doing side effects being licensing y'all we toyed with it. But I was like, you know, what too many irresponsible people will take things out of context sure and ignore like the nuance and context of the conversation of inferior of reading some type of false conference controversy only furthers the problematic nature of ration-. But we digress. Put a pin in that. We'll come back to it. So let's get into the MTV's. Yes. People have questions and you got answers. Burs? I grew up in the wake of my space. Thirteen years old I struggle with vanity and a little bit of self centeredness, I relate, everything to myself. I thought I was like this because I'm an only child Hollis. And because of that reason I learned to like slash love myself a lot. I also think I'm super smart because I am. But seriously. How much is too much? How do I know? I'm not the narcissist. Will you do sound like you've got a healthy dose of self love? That's for damn sure. Which is good. I think that the key to knowing you're not the narcissist is your intentions. You know? I think that there's a certain level of like, you might be self-centered. Yeah. You sound. Like, you're self centered you may lack a certain level of self awareness. There's nothing wrong with saying, you're smart. If you actually are smart. There's nothing wrong with saying like, I love myself. And I want the best for myself. However, it becomes being a narcissist. When you are willing to put other people at risk emotionally, mentally physically for the preservation of your feeling of self love for yourself. Would you agree? I would one hundred percent agree. But also again like you said if you're asking, you're probably not. So like the fact that she's even is a girl. Yeah. The fact that she's even asking is like you're aware that there could be a problem which again narcissists are not aware. They're not going to even. But you know, what they do I r-. But you know, what they do what they feign awareness. Oh, they're good. You'll call them out, and they will feign for awareness, and I had it therapists used to call it, basically, I can't think of the exact whereas find it. But it's like it's like small like gratifications to keep you going. And it's like it's like crumbs, essentially. So like, they'll give you just enough to keep you on the hook for sure. And then they go back to the phones they were doing. And so you end up in a cycle of this being like, yeah. Because you start to doubt. But then you'd be like what they said this or they they did this. So so we're good. Yeah. But no, then they do the fuck shit again. And you're like, wait a second. But then they say the right things again and. But you know, I was just thinking about this person who just sent that question. They could be reaching out just for the attention of this being on this. You know, what I'm saying like, which is also something to be aware of like this person could just be doing this for attention not saying that why? But if they are if you are a full-blown narcissists that is some shit. You would do you just want attention for yourself? So you'd ask a question that you really aren't concerned about at all just for the attention of it. Right. You're not really concerned about it. If you're the narcissist. You're more concerned about look at me. They're talking about me on that set about Lutely. About nursery tricky bastards, it's really Trixie. It's hard to nail down. I think the key in acknowledging it is the level of toxicity that comes from the behavior. I think sometimes it's like, well, maybe this is just somebody who's like difficult or maybe we're just incompatible and that's fair. But I think when you start to see them manipulation happening vans. When you have to really be like, okay. What is this manipulation and gas lighting, the gas lighting is really like the key component that I wanna make sure that we talk about. Yeah. I was gonna say explain because I'm sure people don't even know what that which I guess lighting is essentially making somebody thinks that what is actual factual is not actual in the factual for the preservation of the lie that they're telling you about themselves. So I had a situation with Taj from souls of mischief where he never gets little it never gets old because of the fact where and then every time. Rebecca and Brendan look at each other. And are like is this going to be the time where you call them? Taja if you're listening, please call in at five five five dice. So this situation was he a wild out on me. I won't even I I'll give him the I'll at least give him the respect of not disclosing the reason why. But he had no reason to while out on me, and he was screaming at me and telling me that I'm crazy. And then I'm a weirdo and that I'm selfish and all I care about is myself on my birthday, by the way, and all of this mayhem madness. And. When someone gets to that level of mania. It makes you if you're lucky you, you you have a self. You have like a kill switch that brings you down because you to like mellow to manage their mania. So I got things were eventually got him back to the middle. And. A month later after everything had fizzled, and of course, in shoe, Narcisse fashion. He had to come back to try and act like the good guy. You know, the false apology. Just so that we can just like they burn them ready to bread crumb as the bread grim. Yes. And they burn the bridge. But always are like, wait. No, no, let me build it back. Let me they keep trying to build the bridge back. They are burning over and over and over again. And I was like, you know, to be honest. I feel like you're unaware of the way that you behave and like your the way that you spoke to me was very abusive. And he was like you are bugging. You are wall in that is that is taking things too far. And it's just not taking things too far you were mentally abusive, and you are emotionally abusive in that space, and it made me concerned that she would eventually become physically abusive. And so I'm just telling you this because it seems like you lose a conscience. It was almost as if you became another person. So I'm like, maybe you aren't aware. So I'm putting you on game. And he was like I never yelled at you in a hotel room. They can I tell you. I don't know what you're talking about. Can I tell you that one of the books that I read which is is called what makes narcissistic it's online, it's free. It's on. It's a PDF one of the titles of the chapters is they act as if nothing happened. He was like, I never you are wiling. I never yelled at you. You're making that is not how things happened. And then was like what about you yelling at me? What are we talking about? It not have that didn't happen Kathy gas lighting that is the definition of gas lighting. And that was the first time that I ever recognize it. And then it made me go back like oh snap like oh shit. You know, and you just start to see like times that you dealt with that and other relationships in your times you dealt with that in your childhood. Yup. Family members. Can we talk about how shaggy had a whole song that was gas lighting that we never even paid attention to it wasn't me? I saw on the counter. It wasn't me. You're literally telling me something I saw with my own eyes did not happen, and we dance and in the clip to it. This out responsible. So many artists are like, well, they don't even know I think to actually in their defense. This is a Bart of patriarchy. Oh for sure. So I think that a lot of guys don't even think there's anything wrong with that. Because there's like self preservation to a toxic level. That's what narcissism is. So if it means making you feel crazy to get me out from under a will day, you would just casualty. But then he got to do with me. What? You just trampled on my whole entire life. My life is destroyed, and that's what nurses do you get involved with one to the point where you get married have a family. They will they could potentially destroy your life and walk away light a match set your whole shit on fire, and they will walk away as if nothing had Angela Bassett in a waiting to exhale. She knows she was doing. She knows you. And he deserved it. Maybe I deserve. How can a person cope with narcissistic family members that the tough one? Boundaries is the key. I think the reality is is that, you know, the the nuance of this question is that when it's about a family member, you can get rid of can leave. So how do you manage that? You know? And listen that exists in parents, your brothers your sisters like people that are part of your life. And once you recognize that, you're like. I had a therapist tell me that. The key is not letting yourself get caught up in their storm. And that's what abound dri is. You know, that you have to have a certain distance from them that you are preserving so that you're not getting swept into their tactics of of upholding their narcissistic tendencies, and I think that's the tough part because you wanna be able to be honest and be open and being have a related how to shave shipping an exchange, but it's not equity equitable for sure. Like with that one guy the actor that I talked about that said some crazy shit to me. And I was like, oh, no you're associated with somebody who I dated and it was hard for me because we were friends first we were friends for like three years before we started dating and in hindsight where you really friends. Friends, where it's you know, how you have friends where you go out a lot and have great fun times with. But yeah, you've never gone dealer. Right. And then so when we tried when that's what happens when you date someone you become intimate. You have to go below the surface. And so I was like that NS went through this. It just went through this. It's now we know so hopefully, it's not going to have to happen again. But you know, it's a it's a repetitive thing that happens out here in this. I'm telling you A is I was I was watching one of my YouTube at hill. So that I do regularly, and there was a doctor on it. And she said out of her mouth when the first end. And he said she said, she said if you if you want to study turtles go to the Galapagos if you want to study narcissist move to LA. That was the Galapagos of NAR. Shit. It's true. And so you're gonna you're gonna come again once, you know, you know, and then it's like, oh, you see the red flags like when I dealt with with this guy was lasted a three week relationship. Once we started dating because I had dated one prior to that, you know, who I'm talking about from years ago. So I know the red flags, and I know when you say some crazy shit to me like, oh, you have a personality disorder. So what are some red flags because I think that when we apply it to just romantic situations. I think it's a lot easy. Everybody would have to feel like they can determine like a red flag. But just in general, what are some red flags because I think that this applies to the family scenario. Yeah. Yeah. A huge. Well. Before I know one. I know I have. So I was gonna say, I know love bombing is one, but I don't know in a family situation. If this would apply continue love bombing is when they they pretend to be all about you immediately like within the first month of you meeting this person, they're saying things like I love you. I wanna move in with you. I can't wait to see a family with you. That's way, too soon to be saying, you don't know me. But as women, especially that's we've been trained to think, oh, these are stuff that a good man was say, this is what a guy who's really into me would say, so I can trust this guy. And this this is the one do you think it's tricky when you've known the person in a certain capacity for certain amount of time. And then you are now stepping into a romantic space, and it's harder to determine because I feel like I have been the victim of that. Because in my mind, I'm like, well you've. Already known me in this space. So if you're stepping into this new spaces because you're intentional, and you know, like, I've already observed you in this space, and I'm stepping into the space because I know that I wanna fuck what you and I love, you, etc. The that's a really tricky one because at hap- that's actually kind of what exactly right? So it's like, yeah. You you initially think oh, this is the person who I've been friends with for so and so like an obviously they're really intimate because we've known each other three years. Maybe he's barely realizing that he I'm the one for him, and he wants to take it to a new level. But no again, you have to remember that. It's also that is still about them like they're not even considering you, and it is possible for that to be the case, even though you've known this person because how well can you truly know somebody you don't even people who've been married for twenty years, and then where the mayor to a serial killer. What are you talking about right there? People thought you were soccer practice with Daphne. And you were over here murdering some of that second families that I didn't know about. Out my leading Vince, my father as a second van Vince, our guts be no convinced we give. I will watch the movie one time, I think it was on lifetime and the father had two families. And when he was with one family, he would wear his hair curly that was his disguise. And then when you come back to other family, he was straightening. Oh, wow. Like Clark Kent super exact. But yeah, that is a thing that they could do, and it's and that's a hard one. Because you're like, oh, I thought I knew this person. It don't matter. Because again, you don't fully know some that you only know what they let you see of them the conversation about narcissism becomes really frustrating. Because even though we're going to give you red flags, they're not just so concrete where you're like, oh, you have to have your eyes peeled. And I said this on the episode before Paulo Colo the author of of the says trust everyone, but never sell your sword. And so that's the thing. It's like the only way you can actually kind of find out if someone really is what they are or not is having a certain level of trust for them to reveal themselves. Yeah. And that's where you kind of like are putting yourself in a conundrum. So. Test the water you can test the waters with if you have any inkling that someone might be which you would if they like talk about themselves a lot you remember how you were telling me Amanda, you had a situation with the dude, and they had done something that they needed to apologize for. And in that apology that he was giving you he kept saying hit me me me me me me. Like the apology was supposed to be about you. You know, who I'm talking about. Puts the hint I could give Chicago continue in the apology. It will. Yes. But that was about him. That's a red flag. You got to pay attention to what their intention on re literally read between the lines because now we all text all the time. Right. Read between the lines there talking. Whether they not saying, what are they not saying, right? It's not just what they're saying is what are they are. They not saying so and this is also a great exercise for us. Those of us who feel like we have a healthy dose of narcissism within our diets, and to be very conscious about how we are representing an exchange, especially a romantic change oriented familial because change because you know, you you find yourself in these moments where you have to make sure that you're not coming across that way. And so the way to me to do that is to make sure that you are being conscious of someone else's feelings. You're leaving space for critique from someone else because that is another red flag. They cannot be critiqued. No, it's very defensive when if there's any type of criticism that's a huge red flag. They are unable to accept any type of criticism and the reanalyze or blame. And the reality is is that they will only accept it. If they themselves have been the one to bring it up that I have noticed if you're the one who's like see this thing you did here. Not there. What then they may go like two weeks and come back and be like, so I was thinking, you know, I could be better at data. And you're like so is this, but they're not acknowledging that you're the one who even inspired that have made it that this is their thing that they have decided that they're going to do this. And so there we've now we've now named Lola farming never taking blame and never saying. What was the thing? We're making apologies about themselves making. But right when it's when it's supposed to be about you. They censor themselves. A right. And that's not just an apologies. That's in celebrations and everything. Yes, they if it's about you. They sent you themselves, and even if you are in a place of crisis, and they come to your aid. It's still about them about them for sure they want to be the hero. They wanna somehow become come out on the end where it's like where the. They were they have to be getting all the validation everything all the time. That's what it's about. One hundred percent of the time with narcissus is attention attention attention, everything they do is for attention invalidation. Just if you take nothing away just know that dangerous people. Oh, and they you said they can't take criticism. That was the other thing. Yeah. Yeah. Criticism or blame. So the question was how can the person cope with narcissistic family members? I boundaries Sounders for sure and it's super duper hard. Especially if you're a mom like I have people who are like, my mom is a narcissist. And it's like, yeah that's rough because you want to be able to engage with them across the board, but you have to instead implement a certain level of boundaries. Not for them for you. You're not disappointed absolute that you have a clear understanding of how to manage. But everyone has like mom shit or dad. Shit or brother shit or trauma shit? And so you just kind of decide well, I'm gonna just deal with it. However, but the reality is is that all of us are managing people in our lives that we love. But that may not do behaviors that we love. And so how do you how do you handle that you have to figure out what your boundaries are what you can manage and you've got to stick to it. And I think that's the hardest thing. Yeah. Because you're in Nate league going to be like, this is a relative who's close to me? So you don't want to go back to those behaviors. Because they're comforting to you. And you're like this is a person that I should be able to trust and be able to confide in. But they're going to use it against you. And so you have to like you said boundaries and just know how no that you can't go deeper with these people. You just can't you just can't it's it's hard. But you can't. And once you find this out, it is a new journey of self discovery. Because then you now are looking at how their behaviors have reflected upon you. So then now you have to deal with your. Own reactions to that trauma, and the your own problems and issues that have come out of that. So it's not a turn key thing. It's not just recognizing that you have a family member who's a narcissist. It's also figuring out like well. How have I been affected by this negativity going, and yeah, you gotta go there before it because you're you're you're suffering some type of repercussions from it. Whether you're aware of it or not like, you are it's just we all are whether you're dealing with the nurses family member or not we're dealing with stuff that we are completely unaware our behaviors are all because of from our childhood so going to therapy, whether or not you had a nurse's apparent I recommend for everybody. Someone asks can you be friends with narcissist? No, superficial friendship. That's it. That's it. You can't go deeper. You can like I said the per- you can go and kick it half, fun, go to the club, whatever. But do not rely on that person do not depend on that person for anything because it's not about you. It's about them. And again, whatever they do for you. Is really alternately for them. So just don't don't necessarily trust that person. You can't I as somebody who I'm still on the fence about if they're in our sister, not, but they were like, I just really love being able to give people raises and like being able to see the excitement on their face when I gave them something that they didn't expect coming and at the time, I was listening to it. And it felt like it was like a positive altruistic. Yeah. It felt altruistic but then after a series of our own interactions. I've come to feel like you know, what that's not really where that was coming from. That's a certain that's about them and ego. And you know, what I've done for you. Yeah. They want praise all the time watching the person just exults at what they have done for them. It's so tricky issue, you don't know a lot. And if you're not really cool with these people, then, you know, you're if you have a boss or somebody that does that you know, that's not that big of a deal because you're not an intimate relationship. But when you take it to another level of the cylinder dating, and you think about like, oh, they're in your life. Yeah. Last question. Do you think narcissism should be treated like a mental illness in a way of other things have been as of recent addiction, gambling, etc? That were once not for. Now. That's like, no. Yeah. Well, I think that's a tricky one. I think neither of us are a healthcare professionals. So for yourself. I call myself a healer. I mean, granted I was trained to the grays new net. Grey's anatomy school of medicine. However is the fact that we definitely are coming from more of an experiential background than a licensed psychotherapist visist position background that being said from the research that both of us have done. Even though it is a disorder. It is not treatable. It is not. So you can't treat it like mental illness where you can at least put people on certain men hills or homeopathic remedies or behavioral changes because the the hallmark of a narcissist. Is that they don't think there's anything wrong. You can't change. What you don't recognize? Correct. So I remember when Thai Reese was putting his narcissism on full blast. Doing the manipulation game with emotions and people were like, Amanda, you're so mean, he is our system is a mental illness, and it should be treated like that. And I'm like, even if you want to have the objective and. Merciful. You know, the process of saying, this is someone who is hurting. It doesn't mean that you have to allow them to hurt you, correct? You can acknowledge and say that is somebody who is a narcissist. And it's unfortunate for them. Because at the root of narcissism is not even though it's about like, I'm going to do whatever I gotta do to get favor for myself at his bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom. It's really about hating yourself for sure. That's really what it is. So you're doing all of these things to truly mask the actual hate. You happier yourself with this pseudo love. Yup. That you're building up from outside sources. And I mean, I so there is a certain pity that I have on that person. But that doesn't mean that I have to allow myself to one being around the fire, and to let them not be held accountable for how those problematic behaviors are affecting other people. Right. And the only way that you can deal with it is to really again with the boundaries and just cutting off to cut the toxic person out of your life that black on the phone that has been thank goodness we learned about narcissus at the same time that we had the technology to block people from calling. I think that's why the person who invented it invented it. They dealt with a toxic person was like I can't deal with this. Yeah. I gotta cut. I gotta share the love. But yeah, they all it's an they narcissistic in v most insecure people in the world, but they put on grandiose. You know? Oh my gosh. Exterior right for sure. So yeah, they pretend to be all about, but they cower when they look at themselves because when they see their true selves because whatever abuse they suffered as a kid is what made them that insecure person and turn them into a monster. So now, they have to pretend that they're the greatest thing, and and people buy into it all the time some of the most successful people in the world are these types of people because they have a the way they manipulate and they can they can get things very quickly and get to high level. Yes. Power. President isn't a perfect example of this offset Cardi B when he interrupted her performance to make that you don't make someone else's time to shine about you. That's a huge red flag one thousand percent. I mean, I definitely feel like there's there's been times where I have a certain thing about me where I I get I can make people feel comfortable enough to like show glimpses, you know, and then they close back up, but I've had to narcissists say. Say to me like like, you sh you make me show too much of myself. And so I have to I can't fuck what you okay, I wanted particular say to me like. I your mirror that reveals parts of myself that I don't like. And so I need to not be with. You was this the guy that didn't want mirrors in his apartment, correct? That's why he doesn't like mirrors. He has to look at himself. Which is ironic because that's what narcissist like doing normally firing themselves, but sometimes to that reflection ain't good when they can see too far into themselves, and that they can't they can't handle it. That's why they avoid it. And they build up. This this facade and this exterior that lay won't have to look at the inside because it hurts too much. They live in a fantasy world then that they built. And if you try to get my met who. Get out get out get their the worst. But yeah, there's no treatment it's a full on personality disorder. There is a spectrum. Let's say now on a scale of one to ten you can have you know, again, like us we're in this industry. So we don't have a healthy amount of narcissism. But I would say on a scale of one to ten. A manageable. Maybe three maybe four. We're talking about full blown tens out here in these streets in these streets in these screens, right? So people love to be like, Amanda. You're next says, there's no one could tell you wrong. And I was like that's incorrect. It's not true. It's not true. We've had so many conversations so many conversations. So there you go, right? Folks out there that got the whole magazine situation going on I feel your pain anybody who's Adami grain knows. It's not a game. I don't have my grave. I have homeys with migraines. And I'd be like Zing. They describe it like their brain is just being hammered by the electric tool of four into their skulls. See like, I don't want. No parts of that. I don't wanna parts that. But those of you who are suffering from that. 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I hear you know, I love confrontations. No, I wish fuck would. I wish that's the name your special. Listen, I had so many specials having shot any of them. But I've so many title. I was my favorite title. I'm a very busy, man. That's gotta be my first special, which I believe I'm going to shoot in like not that long from now for yes, good. Yes. I'm a very. Busy man, which is a quote from a narcissist that I was not dating because you were you do saw the writing on the side immediately. Just through text message exchanges immediately. I was like, oh he wanted me to come over. And I said, no, I'm tired. I have to get up at six o'clock in the morning and his response. Back to me was really. Yeah. Okay. Ma you know, I'm a very busy, man. The best and tried to guilt me into coming over and making it sound as if he's the only busy one as if I can't have me doing what I need to do from. And this is someone who was established like if I said his name. I'll be like oh shit. Should I there so many times on this gas where I'm like, I said, hey, I should just sell. Well, number one, just so other people are aware that was the reason why I want to say, it's all you want is to protect somebody else. I wanted this happens to you. You just want to go out and scream in a street. That's why I say every time stay away from this motherfucker. That's really all we're doing. But you see what happens when somebody especially a woman of color comes out and says this black man, did oh my God you are trying to ruin the whole blackmail race. You are tearing black men down. You say we tried to tear up your life right there. Like that's relevant at doesn't matter. What he's trying to do his thing. So who cares? If you were a casualty along the way, I'm not the only casualty he's beat these. Story about a narcissist on this podcast. I didn't even say this man's name. And I had now seven different women. Come back to me through various means Twitter Instagram because I think I'm dating. I mean, I literally didn't even say his name. I just said a couple like that. I knew you were talking about they knew they said his name they came in and said his name and said, this is somebody you said that you had an inclination. This person was asshole. I'll confirm for you that this man is an asshole I had this dealing with him people all having individual dealings with him. One woman said that he had opened the door while he was he had opened the door naked. When it was her first date with him. And then he tried to tell her that she was the one who was bugging for saying that that wasn't cool. Another woman said that her friend went over to meet him to go out to dinner. And when he when she got there he was there in the apartment, just lying on the couch or lying on his bed. And was like you just talking to her from the bed. Like we're supposed to go out. And he's just like lying in the bed talking. And she's like, all right? Well, I guess I'm going to go, and he had no point guide up to like open the know nothing like this is women who have been like just from my saying these couple little and they knew immediately immediately. We was. And they're all like he is a predator. He is a problem and key. I almost feel like I am doing a disservice by nine nothing as name. Because what he no one's gonna believe you. But we also live in such a litigious society. You know, where like you people love to come with the Littler junior. We're not for sure. But I say all this essay that this segment is called people online. Oh, yes. Yes. As we're talking about people, we don't let exam. Candice. Is a comedian. And was one of the first comedians I met when I moved out here to Los Angeles. We met at a Mexican restaurant for dinner and the woman who was the hostess. Was definitely trying to try me. She attitude, and I was like am up and and Kansas who had not known me for longer than ten minutes. Well, we have met, but we had just like adults being like, let's go out and become friends and Candace was like the. We've been friends ever since we have. And we've had many of those moments where we're both like, yeah. You know, I was telling you this the other day, and I was saying in public. It's like you just wanna feel like somebody has your back. And I know for me as an only child that's like a huge thing because I didn't have sisters. We're like or brothers that were just like ride or die. So I was all his very pressed about like, I want to best friend, I want I want to have somebody that's going to have my back. And so especially now with like the leveling up in terms of the visibility and whatnot like trusting people and having people who are reliable as such a rare thing, and I will say like at the very like there's been absolutely several times where I have been like what and Kansas has been like what you're like. I folks with you. And I just know especially in this town like people are so pressed about everybody liking them and being polite, and I that scenarios where like someone was shitty to me. And I'm not saying you gotta go be shitty to this person. But I've had people go out of their way to let that person know. Yeah, Amanda the book, which you, but I do and you're just like why is that even necessary? That's you just really trying to like create a hierarchy or like a separation whether it doesn't need to be so on a personal level. I love you for that. But on a professional level. I love you for being a comic as listen Kansas telling jokes that muffle because they're not telling Kansas is keeping it all the way one hundred and ways are making you uncomfortable. Yano that's my favorite shit all the time. And the reality is that as black women comedians for a lot of us. We have just seen only one type of black woman comedy for so long. And so there is this like this wave of us who's coming through like. Soon NAMI with different contents different perspectives, different points of view and sticking to that is the hardest part. I think because it's very tempting to try to like shift to be more amenable, and you don't do that. Well, I must say Amanda the narcissist in me is loving this second. Go on. Man's. But you narcissism though, like both of us have narcissism within us. But both of us had had to be a hundred with each other. And like say like, okay, I didn't I didn't like that. Or this may be uncomfortable. And first of all as friends you need to be able to do that. Yes. As adults and grown-ups you need to be able to do that. But you can tell the difference. I think with someone being are and not when they can receive that and not make it personal as much as it's like someone just letting you know like this this didn't work for me. And you're able to have a conversation, and I care about you enough to listen to what you're saying fix it. Yes. I made you feel some type of way not intend or because let's be real sensitive one. So every situations been me, I'm sensitive to but. Yeah, no. We're all artists. Right. So it's like, we all I think most artists artists, you are sensitive, and that's why we're here. But we because we are -ffected by certain things, and we have to speak on it. Right. Because it made us feel some way where like I can't let this continue Carlos was telling me he was like as a comic. That's like a real like cornerstone for us that we feel like we have to everyone in the conversation has on the same page, and when they're not when we're not on the same page that. Is incensing. And I was like that's so true. Like if I feel like someone is not understanding what I'm saying. I'm just like I'm distraught. What about you? Don't feel the same way. Person. It's really that's how passionate we are. You mean, you don't have the exact same as me as me? What's right? Yeah. No need to do some research. Absurd. People were like some people were like Jennifer Lopez performance was great now, I need you to standard. I lost three hundred followers of what I said. Actually, you did not. So I listen, I when he followers. And I was why I wasn't. So basically Instagram did purge. Restored. Oh, how apparently I numbers will be restored. Okay. Giving those backpack. I don't care. But you know, I saw that I was like three hundred and it literally was the day that I went on that rant about jaylo. And how that was just not a good choice. Not that she didn't she she can dance. That's fine. But why she Saul saying during a Motown? Why? Being during she was losing. She was lip synching that that is a fact I noticed that within me end just just Martin he was like she's lip synching. Oh, but no, I did get a lot of a lot of pushback from what I was saying people were like she's black. I'm win win. What she's never even sexy was black. What are we talking about? And what are we talking about? And why can't we have a distinction between race and culture? She does not identify as a black American or one ever about black culture. He was black. She did a hip hop song or two. That's what I said Ashanti saying Diddy for three years in the late nineties and not make you black. Absolutely not. You're a Puerto Rican woman dating Diddy, but you never acknowledge yourself as Africa. Tina, no never never climate from the Bronx people are full by the rocks. She's got. Do on the six. Money. She's from the block, I understand why it's a little confusing. But she also understand why you might complete the two. But never forget benefit. Never never. That's what never Geely forever Geely. This. All you got when everything maybe she's like Geely. Facts 'cause I came on and said I had a whole list of people that could have done a much better job. And they're literally that were there Donell, Monet Fantasia. I wish at least could've done it. She did it her own performance that could've been her performing listen. I don't understand I got into a whole thing. Because I I was like even Mariah could. And they were like, she's blacker them first of all Mariah a whole Negga. And that's the thing that people don't know. I post it. I said I said for all the people that are on my comments talkin about Mariah is or jaylo more black. Mariah is all after say posted her performance with in front of black choir. When she did joy to the world in a black shirt could jaylo could now what are you? Also, she is her mariah's father is black and black Venezuelan. Black. Black. There's black in there. There's black both of his parents were some type of black. All right. But also, no also also stopping ridiculous will thank you for not being ridiculous. You welcome. It is a gift to have a friend and a professional relationship that goes through ebbs and flows, but that forces growth in chain and has a lot of education because of your YouTube videos. Look, man, I'm a work in progress. And this is what I don't understand is that all the only thing that I have done my whole entire life aside from like telling jokes because that's the only thing that I've done since. I was a kid is like just try and be a better person. Yeah. I I've always been on a quest of self betterment, and it blows my mind how many people that is just not even on their list of things to do there. Like, go return, these ladies challenge people, and they just be like piece, I can't handle this. What are you? And that's most of my relationships have ended 'cause I've challenged people. That's all of my relations. Yes. So it's like oh. So you just don't want to do better. Okay. I had this conversation with my really good friend the other night, and he was like, well being honest, and I was like first of all I needed to stop giving much credit basic like human decency. Why are we here on on earth? If we're not. And then he was. Well, you know, but they're being honest with themselves, and I was like, but it doesn't change the fact that their trash if you're honest, and you're like, I'm a pedophile still still there on his. It's your dumpster fire like this. I need you to go over here and be over here. Right. Can't be able to hear we'll with these rights. That's that you a bunch of kittens now 'cause you're gonna buck with the kittens, I need you now with my cats now look where we are. Right. That doesn't stop there. The realization that's the first step. Now what you gotta finish the journey. You know, now what do better when you choose to not do better? It's not an example of honesty to me that is actually a hallmark of narcissist ratio or a hater and someone has done you a favor by walking away from you turn around and walk the other way your damn self. That. Can we can we really quickly talk about the time where I told you about someone that I was seeing and what they said to me via text. And then you brought them up on stage. This is one of our stories of old time. This is one of the best. We don't let these negative stories ever. So I was seeing a guy who was for sure narcissist. Yeah. He's a coming comedians. You know, what we've never really know in the beginning. Don't know all the right things. They take you out the they give you stay compliment you. So it's like you're playing with the same rule book as a good dude Gipp, they're building that trust. So they can manipulate you. So this dude one of the fucked up things he said to me was he doesn't listen to songs that are sung by women. Yeah. Direct quote, quote, we were he was getting out of my car and Amy wine house came on. And I was like, oh, I love this song. He goes. I've never heard it. I said land what are you talking about? Because it wasn't even like face as line. Right. And it wasn't even like a song from her first album. It was outside. Yeah. It was from her. You know, she only had two albums anyway. So I was like what are you talking about? And he was like, yeah. I don't listen to songs that are sung by women. Every race every time. I hear it. I'm just like who. What are we doing to my face? But the level of unselfish awareness to save action of a woman conviction. You're crazy. Right. So then he techs and right, then I was like oh this. We're. This isn't gonna work. But then like I didn't end it like then because I just have a little bit more fun with interactions. If I can use this onstage. Right. Always what it gets and ends up. Yeah. I gotta just keep playing with this because you never know material. So we were texting one day. And he was like I'm about to get another motorcycle. And I was like and I'm not a fan. I'm just not a fan of motorcycle. I will never date somebody just deal breaker for me. Because I I worry, and I don't I think there's a recklessness that's involved with it. Because you know, you dine a car accident and that has doors, right? So this is a level of you don't care about yourself that much. So I was like, okay, that's a deal breaker. But he knew that. And he was getting another one. I just got approved and I wrote back credit wise. He's just got approved. And I said well, not by me as a joke, obviously. And then he goes this is a quote, I am a loose cannon comic who doesn't play by the rules. I feel like flash came in and started like the guitar solo from amazing at that point. In his head. It was playing in his head that was lying. So he texted to me, which I still have the screen shot up, of course, because I keep receipts. And so I wrote back to him immediately. Because we don't let these live IRO back is that the log line for your pilot. He gets me. And I couldn't stop. So after I wrote that I said, also motorcycles are very legal. You're not breaking any rules. Vero not. Very easy to acquire. Do it right now in the haven't three hours? So then I told a man of the story and at the time she was about to book a comic on her smartphone in black live show. And she goes I'm going to book him just walking bring him up to the stage with it. So she did. And I witnessed the whole entire thing. She booked she's like, I've never even seen a stand up. I don't even know if he's funny, but I'm just going to him. Anyway, just why can bring him up this. This is friendship is whether it was. I knew I was like live. Amanda. He's doing this. And she did she called him up. She goes this next guy. Kanagawa ghana. Doesn't play. I think that best part of that. He didn't seem to realize he's not self aware. He don't you don't even remember texting that to me. He has no idea. No idea. Dave in the back screaming. And insult to injury since my audience eighty percent black women, he bombed, of course, because this is a black man, we say, I say he's black, but he's black. This is a full last black man who has a flattop. It's not even like he's like out here. Trying to be like the light skinned children. No. Yep. And then blame the audience when he bomb. Yes. He did. He he did finish his time. He liked got all the stage where he wasn't even lit yet. He got off the stage early because he wasn't doing well came out to the crowd and was like black women. Don't like me. They don't think I'm funny, and I'm like going to blame the audience now also back to we don't let these live when he he also texted to me like the next day. I said something about is set. And then he said black women just don't like me. And I was like maybe because they know you day white women. Anxiety. I don't feel guilty about that. And I said you should. We don't. You know, I like you shouldn't. You shouldn't feel guilty. If you're equal opportunity for sure, but when you like our make. Decision to say like black women. Don't like me that's deeper for. Sure. That's definitely you not liking black women. Yeah. And and and there's an and I think what's even deeper than that is the there's a self hatred that is involved with it. Like, if you exclusively don't date, you what you are because you're Hella light skin. I feel like he could lie to himself. He he could he could. But he can that's why you. Right. Right. You know, the light we the most militant ones I say this every time. Yeah. Because we are bad from the inside out. We still have to deal with effects of Massa on a daily basis. We could we get some bird. Facts. The last. Laser gentleman and everybody who does not identify as either. Or thank you so much for sticking through this journey that we went on this topic that it's like, you gotta try and keep it up because it can get so heavy and it can get so just dense. And to lot. I think for most part a lot of our conversation today has been about our own experiences and having to navigate them and figuring out how to navigate them and get out from under them. And I know a lot of you are listening realizing, maybe I need to do more research on narcissists and how I could possibly being affected by one or two or maybe my kid is becoming one, and I need to nip that in the bud, etc. The reality though, is that what we what we have to. Remember is that we do have control of our surroundings for the most part and that we do have. Agency, and what an ours is it makes you feel like you don't have agency. That's that is huge. If you ever feel like you've lost control. And you're not safe like you just have to walk on eggshells around somebody. And you're just incomplete that person has complete power over you like that as a huge if you are in a relationship right now. And that is how you feel. You're probably emotionally abusive relationship with the nurses. It's really the facts, you know, a lot of people. Feel like all you. I don't want. Nobody like stealing my my time. But you don't want people stealing your clarity. And that's the key. It's having the clarity. And being able to be sure about what's going on. When people start misusing that a shifting that. And they're not being clear in starts creating this psychosis in your own self of like, wait. What is what? And now, you're like wait is this are we are we still in a dream? Where's my told them on my way? I don't know. It's the end. The end of inception. Don't all alive or not you feel like that get out. It is. Thank you Candace for chilling with us. They emperor sharing your information listeners, please tell the friend when you see somebody who behaves certain way or act Mr. way, you know, at the threat of being called the crazy girlfriend or the crazy ex because that's the mother should the Narcissue. They will one hundred percent label you crazy for simply being real about links there fucking, right? That being said. May the.

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Ep. 653: Tillamook Thruple with Eliza Skinner

Jesse, Jordan, GO!

1:01:46 hr | 8 months ago

Ep. 653: Tillamook Thruple with Eliza Skinner

"Give little time for the child within you don't be afraid to be young and free under the locks and throw away the keys and take off issues and sex and run you Jordan Jesse go Jesse Thorn the flavor King Jordan Morris boy detective. It's my new favorite kind of plot Jordan. What was your old favourite plot? I couldn't tell you. It was not labeled with a varietal. I got to the farmers market. This Week Jessie I thought we weren't going to talk about the farmers market on the show. Maybe that maybe just a rule I. have for myself. Maybe that's I listen I don't want to impose oppose my rules onto you if you WanNa talk about the farmer's market. Ahead but I mean I just I Just have too much self respect to do that I mean I certainly don't have any self respect if that's the issue. Go ahead. On about bringing your cloth bags. Oh, bring your own cloth bags. Every to Nylon I. Just got myself a nice car dog. Got Myself a folding. Kart. No. Yeah. How's that work? This is this is this is what like is the highlight of my week in in? Whatever month this is September two, thousand twenty is Got Myself a folding cart when ahead and got the nice one the one that wire cutter recommends and then I got handle extender. God, look at us. Look at us. We'll look at always become. Talking about the farmer's market Jordan I for one used to be totally punk rock and now it's all handle extenders. Yeah. Come on man let's shake things up. Let's. Do It let's do a sit in. Let's chain ourselves to a tree that they're going to cut down. If it's got a handle extender. I'm in. Here we go. Was the house to Hunch I. Don't want to have to pull. Off Ad for your, it's bad for your back. The point is my regular stone fruit vendor didn't have any plot. So I went to a different stone fruit render. And I said give me some of those plots there and she said you're going to like these. These are the flavor kings allow and you know what? She wasn't wrong. They're green with vivid. Red Interiors. Beautiful beautiful fruit and you know what? They don't call them flavor king for nothing Jordan Yeah Fuck you flavored Duke. Flavor Viceroy is out of here. I mean, maybe this is just me but I prefer the flavor queen. Thank you. Very brave. Okay our guest on this week's program is a stand up comic in comedy writer with the brand new. Comedy record and a brand new television program on which our friend Jordan also worked. The show is called Earth to Ned. It's very funny. I watched watch it with my daughter WHO's been marking the days until it appeared and it satisfied all of her interests in desires, our guest Elisa skinner. Hey Jesse. Did you tell your daughter that Ned was Santa I? Did tell her yeah. Good. Yeah. I've been asking people say that he's some sort of religious adjacent figure so that that works out. I initially told her she was. Ned was the Tanenbaum. Yeah Or. Whatever charity hangs out with Saint Valentine dot that would work to. The Easter Bunny listen. It's a it's a show for Catholics. Just, if you're a Catholic, you'll love it. If you're not, you won't get it. It's not this MSA it's everybody in the show for everybody he's not a he's not some sort of deities and alien interview celebrities Everybody Watch with the kids. Yes. Including Friends of Jordan. Jesse. Go the the first episode features to friends of Jordan Jesse go guest, Andy, Richter and Gillian Jacobs. Y-, you will see. Many comedy adjacent guests as you watched the show or co comedy guests a lot of Comedians on there too. I'll also say in the field piece, you got a couple of you got a couple of Jj go past guests, I think you've gotTa Brian Cook in there you got an apartment non-charter you have Louis Betrayal. And and Candice Thompson who does get her on the show she hasn't been yet. She's not welcome back. Okay. Okay I'm getting we would love to have or would be lucky to have her on the show sometime I have I have an important question you got. Okay. So honored to Ned net isn't isn't alien. Yes. That's it. Interview celebrities. The premise of the program came to destroy Earth you don't worry got to Strachey. Thank you. It's not one of those insider show-business parodies NPR's least popular program. No, it is. Not. It is not. All the parts of Ned, a puppet. What do you mean like? Is there any part of Ned? Organic and real with no no no no not like. Does it have real human hand grafted onto? His head is an actual crab that is not happy. That's a that's the nose comes from a cadaver but everything else. No I mean like, is there any like graphics or anything? It is almost. Puppet. It's the most expressive puppet I've ever seen in my life. Everything is as puppet almost everything in the show in general is practical effects. There are a couple of things got put on afterwards. But most of what you see is half was happening on the stage Ned is the most complex puppet in that it takes six people to work ned Go three people on the hands one person in the body and then two people running the head. Paul Rugg who does the voice and works the mouth and Allan Trautman who does the is the head flap. To. Fewer people that takes to work Judi dench say oh Beloved. Universally, love. Puppet royalty all over that, sat. It's nuts all the people who who contribute to it in the seamless ways like I mean the way that all the puppeteers worked together for Ned is just bonkers there was a moment in the Gina Carano interview that did not make it into the show on her sports episode. It's out. Now you can see it but she said that she was from Las Vegas, which is where Paul, who does the voice of Ned is from, and so when she said that Paul just. Honestly his his human self was like what? And all of his hands went up and his body through back and his flaps went up like all six of these people work together in this instant moment to give this perfect reaction of completely off script surprise and that was one of the moments where I was like Oh. My God. This is crazy. What we're doing this is so unbelievable they're like symbiotic. Elisa, would you see the puppet skills are a type of circus skill? All right. All right. All Right I. Don't I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But I would say that everyone with puppet skills also has so has. That is a very good observation where lots of circus skills on that set. Yes. There were a lot of people I will say working working earth. You will see a lot of people coming and going who have a few steam punk items are. Just, casually wearing a few steam punk. I had ever had questions about burning man all of them got answered. CA. Kept pressing for the final guests to be a giant headed pappy. Mesh a rally nater. Yeah. They did and we we fought for it but it didn't end up that way. Sadly. So hope for a second season there was a cold open that took place in the orgy dome as well but. We kept getting sand and the puppets and we're like. It was just a sand issue was strangely not a standards and practices. Now, just the puppets were uncomfortable with all that sand in their crevices. Inch so interesting. So like being on set and kind of watching it happen. I had just this amazing moment. So the you know the the. Puppets pu-putting and they're. I mean they seem alive and you you like them immediately like I mean that's just kind of the thing with the Jim. Henson. Creations is like everything. You see you're like I like I like that I like them. Yeah. Without being scared of not making them weird like they're not just cutesy pie, they can do all kinds of different like. Creepy eary's like. But they're still likeable and cute at the same time and he's so when select when someone would someone the puppeteers would have to take a break like when you know when someone called cut and Everybody. Went to take a break like the puppets would slump over with their eyes open and I it was so unnerving like it was like not only like Oh something is wrong with them. It was like something's wrong with my friend. My friend is hurt someone call someone I was concerned about them when they weren't moving. And sometimes we would have to straight up, take off somebody's head and put on a different one. Stick. A screwdriver into somebody's mouth and work on their animatronic. But they all seemed okay. How did you figure out I? Mean you're the you're the head writer on the show enjoyed nausea road on the show. How do you figure out how to write jokes for? A new puppet character like did you have? Did. You have the puppeteer who does the voice just like do it for a few weeks in front of you until you could tell what it steel was no we we all kind of. Worked together like. Pushing it forward inch by inch where the puppeteers were working. The puppeteers were working together without us around just at the creature shop because they did have to work in their characters. They also really had to learn the mechanics of these different puppets. Because each one is totally different. So they were mostly working on that but working on their dynamic while we were also working on their characters and their dynamic, and so they came in there were like we're kind of like this and we were like, well, we think you're kind of like this and the kind of inched each other back and forth until we figured out something that that we understood and they understood and took the best of what they were doing and made it something that we could add to. So. Yeah it was it was a it was really weird situation but I what made it? All work was the willingness of everybody to collaborate and have it be the best possible final result rather than have anybody's idea win. You know what I mean like nobody seemed to be like I got a win this to you saying Jordan Jordan lost near. Jordan a lot of times. But he we had a he had a we had a crate for him and so he felt safe in there. And you put a sheet over it to trick me into thinking it was nighttime. Yeah. Yeah and then we'd be like it's a whole new day buddy. No big deal. Gives them coffee it's morning time. At. Your seed bell. Yeah sometimes, we've put a mirror in there and he'd be like it's another Jordan and. I know I sorry. I told everyone I wrote on the show but I was actually there. Patrick. You gotta get inspiration. Kind of how like an elementary school classroom has a bunny? Yeah. A different one of us would have to take him home each weekend. Keep them alive. Yeah and it was very traumatic to the kid who's house I died at. Well, we learned a lesson. You know everybody learns yeah. There's a there's a new pet here at my house. Oh. Yeah. My Son my son Oscar has been wishing for a pet of his own forever in a day. Mostly, because my dogs are old and they don't necessarily like my children. Into books. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Their readers. and. and. So we have avoided it for four years because we don't want anything else to take care of we have too many things to take care of. And we finally caved did you did you guys get Tom Ago? Cheese? So, we did get my daughter Atomic Archie. Oh really. Nice. because. My daughter is not been asking for a pet, but we needed to be fair. We essentially gave node Tamagotchi on the show. Oh. Yeah. When our pets episode, we gave him a pet lemon named. Daniel. Day Lemon. Three Yeah We Jesse did did I spoil the punchline of that? Was it acted? You actually get a Tamagotchi I really did get a time ago cheap for for my daughter. Grace. Yeah my son, Oscar Got Living Pet which was we went we went to the tropical fish store in a Beta fish. So. He was not looking for an active pets I just wanted to the easiest pet that exists in the world like I tried to convince him that like various inanimate objects would make a good pet. And Hadn't quite been able to pull it off came pretty close to pulling it off take care of this. Lego Star Wars a wing. An but he has to be named a wing. You don't have a lot of options is as to what the name is going to be but this is what happens when you go to the tropical fish store because I looked up like what? What's a fancy fish store because I thought I should be going to one where they really know what they're doing. I don't know anything about fish. and. This fish store they work well with a good lemon squeeze. All right. I brought Oscar with me, and this was like he's been to the store. Twice in the last six months. Like, and has been to no other things basically. Yeah. So he's been to the fish store twice or To store any store in the world he's a he's been a couple of times in the last few. Yeah. It hasn't been to the grocery store. Go to the grocery store by ourselves you know like Cetera et Cetera et Cetera. So. He he was excited just to go somewhere but also kind of worried about it. We get there tell the guy he's getting his first fish. You know it's a good like introductory store to take a kid into Spencer's gifts. Actually. Spencer's gifts. Now they have they have an adult section so I would say that might be okay because when I was a kid, the adult stuff was just willy nilly all over the place. Shocking. Here's some Snow Globes next to PENIS PASTA ES exactly, and I'd be like, oh no, it feels weird. Now, I can't trust these. Wasn't a joke I didn't get. In here. They explained to us as we stood in there. That when you get fish. You buy a tank, you set it up, and then you come back the next day to buy the fish looks like prepare the waters. Get the levels, right? Yeah. Right. The salinity. And I'm like for. ME. because. I told the six year olds he's getting a fish. You know what I mean, right? and. This is the second time. The six year old has been out of the house in six months. So I'm pleading with this I'm pleading with my son I'm begging. Listen just take them to Spencer's get him a poster, the fifth one Tequila to Tequila, three kilo floor. ooh Can also get soap in the shape of sperm. there. Yeah. That's like a pet start. It's a pet and a great bachelorette party gift. So I finally say to the Guy, I, finally say to the guy. Okay well, can we look at the fish and he's like, yeah sure. And and I'm like, okay. Well, which ones are are suitable and he's like well, what kind of fish were you thinking about getting and I'm like well, we were thinking about maybe a Beta fish, but I really don't know and he goes. Yeah. Well, I mean if if you get a Beta fish, you can just keeping in its cop and put it in tomorrow I like you saw me here begging a six year old. For forebearance in the midst of a pandemic as we buy him his first pet of his life, and you could have just said, well, there is one option you could get a Beta fish that you could take home today. That's probably what you came here for anyway. Well, he's probably just trying to up sell you. He wanted to change your life. He wanted to usher you into the world of exotic tropical fish. Beta fish. I mean we used to have Beta fish at one of the hotels I worked in the bar like as wall art or Beta fish. You can smoke around them is what that means. Would you periodically have to do scans for dead ones? Oh, every day I was like they're they're dead and it'd be like, no our Beta fish they just kind of hang out like that and like cheese they're like stone or college students just like. Always just kind of flopped over on their. Fish couch have little DVD's of fear and loathing. Just like trying to push them on everybody like Shueisha. Watch. This. Watch. It. You just don't WanNa talk to me baby this just be honest. But yet like. I Bet I bet he was like look you can do that war you could get into the world of the sunfish and clown. Show yeah. I, killed some sharks in college a trying to get. My roommate nine, we're like we should get fish as pets for the dorm room and then the next day they were dead. They were little tiny sharks though. Little tiny should what do you get a little tiny mart that was the only store in our college town? and. Then soon after I was no longer welcome in Walmart, not because the fish it was a whole thing anyway the. Wait. So let's deal with these things. Each's they come. Number One. They sell sharks at Walmart I mean, that's what they call them. You know what? There are probably like some kind of very no big deal fish but there were like people are GonNa WanNa, buy them if we call them little teeny tiny sharks so we'll do that. So live animals at Walmart he did at the time. Yeah I mean this was back in the nineteen forty s when I was in college but were the other options were there other? was there like puppies? No, no fish they just had different types of fish. Mostly sharks. E well. I mean we were like a we're cool bad chicks sharks. And they'd do not get water water conditioner. Because we were like, yeah, they're going to be bad, ass we got from. Hell Yeah. You know what the problem is with sharks in dorm rooms is you can't smoke around him. Yeah. They're fucking ARC's. Yet that is really what it was like up like people would call room and be like, what are you guys doing like I don't know partying and the sharks would like we'd like to read and we're like. Up Sharks. I'm going to ask the Ra if this is okay. And they kept flaw saying. You guys don't even really have that kind of teeth, but they like go home every weekend every weekend. Yes. Yeah. Sharks also because that's exactly right listen every door has a couple of sharks that aren't really ready for Cali. Yeah. They cried a lot I found out six months into my freshman year. Did this shark on my hall went home every weekend because he literally did not know how to use a washing machine yeah. That happens a lot perhaps a lot. Yeah, we had a lot of fires in our. Dorm Room kitchen because the sharks just weren't used to anything that wasn't water-based. Right. Candles Open flame. They would microwave popcorn way too long. Number two. Why did you get banned from Walmart shoplifting? I was fighting capitalism. So. Somebody needs to take that thing. I've been saying this for years Jesse somebody needs to take this capitalism thing down. Yeah. Honestly I'm not familiar with it but I'll go with your your advice on this one. Yeah. You GotTa take it down I'm ready for some ethical consumption. Eighteen so you know I I didn't have a whole plan laid out. For more effective capitalism fighting but I did get I did want some three film for a camera. yu-gi-oh cards. Now no no. No I support the yu-gi-oh industry I'M NOT GONNA try to steal those those are artisans. Yeah. Genn blue eyed dragons. I will spend my money on. Thank you what Elisa were the other notable destinations in the college town in which you attended college I will tell you halfway through my college career. We got a new. Attraction in the town. which was sheets gestation. This sheets which our friend. Justin mcelroy from my brother my brother and me had an entire web video series dedicated to sheets. It was so excited because we didn't have anything open late at night except for. Kroger. And Waffle House, and of course, we would go to the waffle house. We were cool. We needed drink coffee two in the morning like college kids do and every now, and then the Kroger Kroger would get sad in the middle of the night. But the sheets not only could you twenty four hours but also you ordered on computer screens, which was still very new then so we were like, what what are we live in total recall here I'm getting a Turkey. Sandwich. On this computer screen instead of the person standing one foot farther away from me. This is great. So yeah, we would go to the sheets gestation out by the highway. It was the other the other things in the town. Sorry. No. Follow up questions on cheats. The other things in the town were a Tyson chicken plant in a PURINA feed factory with short line railroad between them. So the Tyson plant would send chicken parts to the feed factory and you could take that short line railroad all the way to the hotel on Baltic Avenue. It is pervasive. Which is own it. You gotta own it. You gotta own it, and then the the feed factory would send feedback to the chickens for them to eat. So the whole town would smell like dog food sometime. In, Virginia was this all going down in Virginia. Yup and Shenandoah. Valley James Madison Beautiful Country Yeah it was very pretty there was a lot of Mennonite. Farmers markets and Mennonites General, which always felt weird to stand in line behind them at the ATM's like I was like is this okay you guys use. That I didn't know you know I'm not going to question someone else's expression of belief. But a weird thing that we had on campus was don't have told you guys about this. I didn't notice it until my senior year. There was this house was just like a house on the corner of the campus. That's had a sign outside that said Natural History Museum of I told you. Oh. No. So I love natural history museums and I couldn't believe like again one day and my senior what the fuck how did I never noticed this? Yeah. Let's go in here and so me and when my roommates were like, yeah, we gotta go in and look around. And again, it's just a house. So like the living room area is like there's a little sign on the door that's like. Like it world of insects and inside it's all these insects and butterflies and spiders all pinned up on different boards so you can see them. And then in the dining room area, it's like the human body and you go in all these different. Human organs in. Jars. Oh boy. That's not something you WanNa see in a residential house now and let me tell you those were cloudy jars very cloud. You GotTa Clean? Your. Jars. What else do you have to do all day squeegee those jars. And then at the back of that room, there was another adore to another room that said the miracle of life, and so I remember opening that to enter that room that was not a room though it was a very shallow closet with a bunch of stacks of of shelves that had fetuses at different stages of development. So imagine opening a door thinking you're entering a room and then boom it's just that you're like, oh no, no, no, no no. So close that door I was hoping you were going to say the sign said the miracle of life and you open the door and it was just two people fucking. Knows a skeleton and a ghost and This is what you are. This is what you are. Incited Skeleton Yup. That's what you are. So, then you go upstairs world, the bedrooms would be and it's just all these taxidermy. Animals. Any taxidermied animals like in in different sort of like fight poses or like being majestic all that stuff except almost every single one had lost its eyeballs and the eyeballs had been replaced by cotton balls with little black. Marker. DOTS on them. For. Like pupils. and. That was bananas though I mean because. They were all super wonky fluffy little eyeballs point this way and that way it was restructured was the house operating is a house in addition to being operating as a museum. Now, it was clearly somebody's personal collection I assume they had died and we're like, please use my collection of Weird Shit to educate the masses I. Think it wasn't part of the school it was just grandfathered in on that plot of land. Has. It definitely didn't say like the jam you. Natural History Museum it was just Natural History. Come on in. So it was. So. Weird. Yeah. I. It seemed right. That seems like the kind of thing where you would like. Find out later that the person who owned it was a murder Yes for sure except. They're like if there had been more human body parts than there were taxidermied animals I would think that yeah, definitely. But as it was, it did feel the human body parts are sort of an afterthought like this person had definitely spent decades collecting foxes squirrels. Badgers and muskrats all looking angry at each other. Then was like, how do I round this out? Would they have in the basement? I didn't think of that. That's the gallery of ex-wives. Ex, wives throughout the. I actually think the basement was a moving forward in time like upgrades to the human form where it was a humans with like other animal parts. So onto them Oh right what we will become. Looking to the future, the miracles of science something like that. Yeah. This just says evolving to punch God. Want to listen to my comedy album or watch earth. Am I doing this, right. Listen Elisa none of us are doing this right. Fair Fair. It's. It's it is interesting when we were making the show I was like Oh my personal. Goal of like best case scenario was I wanNA make a show for a new generation of weird kids who don't have to be scared to ask questions about the world around them and also some donors. But I also was like show is so weird. This is weird weird show. It's only going to be appealing to weird people and then in the time between US rapping and it coming out amongst all of the other things that have happened to the world which there have been a lot. It also kind of bloomed everyone's personal weirdness. So we suddenly had more weird people who were like, yeah this is exactly what I'm into. Please show me a weird TV show, and so it seems to have fed. This seemed to have met this weirdness in people in a way that's worked out for us. Yeah. I feel like I feel like the TV landscape needed. Some silly nonsense. I think. Yeah. I think I've talked a little bit about this on the show. But like my kind of quarantine TV diet like you just have to be real careful that. The SH. The SH you're watching isn't going to send you into a like. Anxiety spiral. Yeah. Yes. So it's like who boy like what are we got? Boy, seasons three through ten of the simpsons. The sci-fi channel years of the mystery science. Theater three thousand and then, and now you watch just fucking now watching alien to little rail. Okay. That's not remind you of the election. It is not going to remind you of viruses just watching alien talked a little rail. They're it'd be. They're gonNA have some fun together they're going to have fun. You know it's been working out for me very well as far as the non freak out TV stuff besides tonight which everybody should watch is the Britain's best home cook show me with this Oh. This is okay. So you know how Mary Berry left Great British breakoff no. I also don't know that. Oh my gosh. Okay. So your listeners do Elisa you're right they do. So there's the great British bake off or the Great British baking show. I. Know The guy from the mighty bouches on. is now yeah. They had this big rift where one of the judges Mary Berry left and Paul Hollywood stayed and the two hosts the comedians left and that's when null fielding came in who yes I like feel like a lot but. I feel like all of us have been like what happened to Mary Berry on Hulu now is the show that Mary Berry is judging, which for those of us who don't care about baking anchor about making. It's just a bunch of pleasant supportive British people making Rosado's in roasts. It's wonderful. That I have heard a lot of people say that like British like reality competition, British Food TV is like the most soothing of the televisions it like. Give each other food like when they're like, oh, no I don't have as somebody else like I've got them. You can have mine and you're like come on why can't we be that? Don't help each other now it's wonderful. It's lovely. It's like okay. So competition really is about doing your best and hoping that your best is seen not destroying the other people. Reasonable people can disagree allies. Jesse did your son did your son name the Beta fish? Yet named, Finney. Workshop that a little bit. A perfect. It's perfect because okay. Between the three of us don't tell your son this. The Beta fish probably doesn't have that long. So. When there's another Beta fish, you get the joy of naming him fan again. And that's pretty special. Do what happens when he dies we have awake the Finnegans wake. Wake, and then you can get Finnegan begin again. Wow Jesse. This is going to turn your son into the drunken Irish poet you always wanted in the family. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second Jordan Jessica. Law It's Jordan Jesse GO JESSE THORN AMERICA'S RADIO SWEETHEART Jordan Morris boy detective. Of course, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goes supported by the members of Maximum Fund Dot Org this week we've also got a message up on the jumbotron from Jordan Jesse go listener to you. Do. You WanNA play. Funny. Online Trivia with friends. Don't answer yet. Geeks who drink wrote more special questions just for this spot. You want to read the first special question Jesse and I'll read the next one sure candy coated almond is named for what Mid Eastern Nation for what beloved Comedy Writer And it two thousand seven film title Robert Ford assassinated what? Real. Life Dude. A kind of knee high boot named for what Austin Powers Dance Style. Pause as long as you need dummy answers for Jordan. The right tone I? Don't know if they're finding the right tone with. Jordan Jesse James Gogo. See Clever sign up for this crap at Geeks who drink dot com and use Discount Code Jj go four twenty J. G. Excuse me Jj G. for twenty. I feel like sign up for more this crap is right on brand. That's exactly what we're looking for. GEEKS DRINK I've done their bar trivia before it's a ton of fun. I love these guys. You can go to maximum fund dot org slash jumbotron. If you want to share a message either personal or professional on Jordan Jesse go we'll be back in just a second long. It's Jordan Jesse go I'M JESSE THORN AMERICA'S RADIO SWEETHEART Jordan Morris boy detective Eliza Cool Tropical. Breeze skinner. US what is breezes. Today I cooked an egg in my front yard on my front. Patio. Did you really it's a hundred and sixteen degrees today in Los. Angeles. So I just brought a skillet out there put an egg in it just to see if it happened it worked. How long did it take? I was There for half an hour maybe did you eat the later? Yes. Thank you know. I. Did not. Come on, you gotta eat the egg baby. It got kind of crystal line. Your whole that I mean that's not fair for you to work in your catchphrase Jordan. Sorry listen I'm trying to move t shirts. Okay. Need to move t shirts. Yeah. GotTa eat the. And then it's got, it's a snake with an x shape inside of him right? Here right. Yes egg eating snake and then. Paul Simon's you can call me. Al. Place. I, mean it's not the most obvious catchphrase. Synergy what? Is it confusing. Yes. I never said it wasn't confusing I? mean. It's a catchy hook in the song that Horn Line is catchy. Memorable. So would help you remember the egg eating snake. Real. But then what does that have to do with your with your brand more generally Jordan? Listen I'm not a think things out kind of guy I operate on motion I, operate on. I go with my gut. Jesse isn't Jordan's brand whimsey and like living in a moment's. I feel like Carpe Diem is pretty much. Eat The egg yes. Exactly. Carpet Diem eat the. I. Guess my Latin isn't as strong as yours. Yeah there's a lot of interpretations of that phrase and one of them is eat the egg, right? Yes Socrates. Let's. Let's take some calls when something happens to you, call us two, zero, six, nine, eight, four, four fund or just record voice memo and email it to us at Jj. Go at Maximum Fund Dot Org. Here is one such example of such a call that we've received. High Jordan Jesse and Jesse this is Mike in Tulsa Oklahoma calling within momentous occasion I found myself on the highway this morning and things slowed down to a crawl dispatch drive up on a really nasty rack and as I got up there I saw what it was. A truck full of candy had. Content small over the highway they were. Fish there were pete, there were all sorts of packages. Candy everywhere, and the pardoning really wants to cry because I couldn't pull over and up armload of it. So there you go moment occasion for you candy still highway. Sounds like the saddest children song by Bruce Springsteen. Ever have a great day guys. Now, this is why we have mentors occasions. Wait. You know what that means right? What that means a kid on the monkees pot. Some kids someplace was like. Candy explosion on the highway. The. Fuck killed two truck driver S. That's the whole thing. Was You know you think you're just going to get your whisper? You don't know about the. Twist near kids. If you're out there, I know a lot of kids listen to this show. But yes, if you find monkeys paw just word the wish very carefully. Yeah. Monkey's paws are very stupid and even the best of them were penned by Henry which still makes them just obnoxiously ironic. Just write it out right out a couple of times do a couple of drafts of the wish yes. Makes Water Tights does the same company make peop- says make Swedish fish. That's what I was. That's what the surprising part of the call to me is that those two things were on the same truck properly peeps are like company called like newly born or something boy. Yeah I mean peop- seem like they're just made by peeps right, Pico. But but yeah, I mean. I'm surprised the factory that has the machinery to make peace. Also making Swedish Fish I. Don't know maybe they all just kind of go to central warehouse or something. It might have just been like Candy Store Oh. It's just born is the company that makes peeps. They also make Mike Annex and hot tamales, which seemed very similar to Swedish fish. So yeah, maybe it was just general stocking for candy stores. That'd be funny of after the key crashed candy truck there was a crash toothpaste truck. And crashed penny truck for the witches and the your neighborhood who right? Yes. Exactly. Don't give out either all the Halloween options. Yup. Let's play another call. Hello Jordan Jesse and I'M GONNA. Say Helen Hong calling in with the momentus occasion. This is Ari in Minnesota I use them pronouns. today I asked out my crush who also uses the then pronouns and they and myself and my husband have a date next weekend and may soon become a three people. So that's pretty exciting. Love the show by. The way to go. Wow I, list I. Hope I hope everybody's being safe. I. Don't know listen. Hey, people are pod up there PA I'm not a doctor I'm not a doctor CI over here. Let people pot up they know what what they need to do to mitigate risks at this point right? Maybe I don't know just make sure everybody in your couple has gotten a test take their temperature. Blast every part of your couple with that temperature taking done. That's not how it works. It doesn't like black people with the temperature. Right there right there outside Kaiser Permanente. It's just reading your temperature. You go up there and then. How everybody from the couple meet at Kaiser Permanente get blasted with the temperature done and then proud of town on. This week but go home I, go home I don't do it outside of Kaiser Permanente. And spare who knows what the rules in their house arm what discussion thing about at. Exactly. Spare the staff of Kaiser. Proven. I think this is how it works and I'm not one hundred percent. Sure. But you know the virus is spread by respiratory. Ramming. Primarily when breathing someone's ear I think th ripples when they're go into town. They're facing away from each other because they're rubbing butts together. Let's let's let's be respectful sometimes they. They rob other parts you Jesse. You can rub I mean I don't know when the last time you had a sex education class was but you can rub anything on anything. Yeah and I can be sexy. Yeah. All of it is sexual. Now, if you you just have to declare something sexual to be sexual now. So I. If you're out there, just start to start rubbing on your throttle I, like to go to the grocery store mask on very safe and grab some shredded cheese and just massage it while on my God contact with people and really test boundaries that way because look him in the eye go to town on the Tila Mo-. Like the thicker shreds. Shonky a chunky cheese. Chunky. Guys I've been with my wife now for about twenty years well, that explains that congratulate but. I would not be opposed to bringing tillamook into a threat. I get my wife to go forward as well, but you know what? I'm going with Tillamook ice cream I think that's the best grocery store ice cream. Either way. Tillamook is giving lover and I, hope this is. Tillamook it'll fuck you and your wife. Use. Offer Code Lifelock Thirty Yeah. You know there's a fetish that's of that's being consumed by I. Guess Generally Women But I think it's anybody which is impossible. So the only way to express that fetish is like. Drawing it, which means there's all these no offense dudes who draw Lake Crayon drawings of ladies with them inside and they always so happy inside the lady. That's my favorite. Just like like smiling little Crayon guy like. This lady. And I'm like human sexuality is. A beautiful diverse thing. He's like in, they're giving a thumbs up yep pretty much. I. Love It. Yes it. Turned on by that part in the. In the little prince were the snaky. For sure I think they're they're turned on like Joan and the whale any any kind of you get eaten by somebody that's got a ring somebody's about honestly I think everything has during somebody's bell. There's people who married till two worlds. I think it's just people who literally WANNA be up in them guts. Yes through whatever means necessary. To be truly non by someone if you have a momentous occasion for us, two, zero, six, nine, eight, four, four fun or Jj go at maximum fund dot org we'll be back in just a second Jordan Jesse go. Long. EILLY smell I'm Sydney mcelroy and I'm Taylor Smith, and together we hosts a podcast called still buffering where we answer questions lake. Why should I not fall asleep I slumber party how do I be fleet? Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis and sometimes we talk about no, we don't know. Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on still buffering a sisters guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager and I was too but but spots. Hi I'm Dave Hill from before. And I'm very excited to bring Dave Hill's podcasting incident back to maximum fund where. You can get brand new episodes, every Friday on maximum fund dot org or you know effort and one, my partner Chris Cours Beckon I might lack and specific subject matter on our podcast we make up for in special effects Chris had something cool right here. Also, we have the explosions. Animal noises and sometimes even this. Dave Hill's podcasting incident every Friday a maximum fund Chris do another explosion, right? It's Jordan Jesse. Go I'm Jesse, thorn America's Radio Sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective skinner. Cool. Tropical Breeze Yeah. Can I get that with rum instead of Tequila now? You. Know Substitution. But we have a flair bartender. Enjoy your show. Eighties Tom Cruise, the only flair bartender there is. Earth Annette is on Internet television Yes on your Disney plus application just like. National Geographic this one of the most popular services you can also watch. My daughter recommends this and she also recommends the movie the Shaggy. Da. Lou Wow I like Iran diagram here a sequel to the Shaggy Dog. She has not seen and does not want to see the shaggy dog. Wow. Does she want to be a lawyer? nope. Okay I mean she just like people with goals in life maybe if the she had the chance to be a dog lawyer maybe by dog lawyer, do you mean a dog who is a lawyer or anyone who represents dogs a dog who is a lawyer, but she wouldn't be above representing dogs if a dog got into some legal property. Dog had some patent issues I mean there's a there's a dog mayor I sure he you know there's gotta be crooked dog mayor's so yeah. I have to say allies it. You've made some really bold assertions. There's the thing about ten till two worlds earlier there's this dog mayor thing for sure fall in love with and or fuck two worlds. That's that's not I'm not making that up. I'm not creating the story I'm reporting the news. There's a show about it. I think it's on a unease a channel anymore I don't know there was a lady to marry tower you know. True. And I will relate it to John Birger, who wrote ways of seeing talked about the aesthetic emotion as something that creates overwhelming Russia the motion that you can't otherwise explain on that. That's what art is and I think for some people that same sort of feeling that's what you WANNA, fuck so What I'm saying, we've got complex brains and it's beautiful. That boy yeah that is I have a lot to think about. Yeah they let me make a chauffeur Disney. It is so funny there is a cap where it's like D-. Do you want to watch a puppet show from the Jim? Henson Company were at alien interviews little row. Do you want to watch all the marvel movies? Do you WanNa? Watch that DARN CAT? I got six bucks a month. I got an say like the thing that has been I've been really floored and excited by the reaction to the show that so far. It seems like. Everybody who's bothering to talk about it has liked it a lot but also specifically that they have said that it reminds them of early Jim Henson productions and like that sensibility. which to me was not only funny and whimsical, but also edgy risk-taking and. Assume that kids could figure that stuff out and take away from it what they wanted to take away from it. Just like that darn cat. Really do really challenged me as a youngster. In addition to Earth Ed, which people should watch. Elisa, you've got a comedy album only. It's not only stand up comedy, but it's funny song it's Oh yeah. It's live recorded, stand up comedy and some. Produced tracks that were recorded in the studios they're not live of music and it's all. Weird And yet it it was. It was really fun. My my goal with the music was to have it be really actually good music not just. Sometimes comedy music can be. For it to be funny, it needs to point you to the. Punch lines in it shoe you're not talking about corky and the juice pigs no, no, no no that's very complex stuff. I downloaded them on Kazaa. But you and I Jordan wrote a couple of songs for Earth Gene Ed together we wrote. Fun Yeah we wrote don't ask about no one likes onset pranks and. And a song that has not yet been released for one of the episodes that has not yet been released Oh yeah I, forgot about that. Yeah. Good night. Sweet. Claude. Funny Because I. I. I think I was writing from home day when I was when we had one of those songs so. I think I did the first draft of it and then Like did the lyrics and then to kind of give people an example of how to make the song just kind of had a little tune and sang it into my own. and. Then like attached that with the script. And that's something I've done. Before like when I I've written a few episodes of unity that had songs and they would have, they would just say like and write a song here about going under the sea shut. So you write the song and then I would sing it into my phone and attach it with my script. And now every time I get in my car, you know my have. Just, shuffles, sometimes, it'll be me going live under the sea gotta live under the sea. Anyway Anyone else ever owned by car it would be embarrassing I have my version of that is having A. Hip. Hop Tracks for free styling over that it'll be like song and then dislike a beat and I get I usually am driving by myself. I have a two seater Miata because I'm your worst dad and two es yeah and so when those tracks come on I'm like. I feel embarrassed for the track nothing is happening. So I'll kind of rap over it. So the track doesn't feel bad. Is just embarrassing for me. We'll watch. The, watchman. Exactly exactly rap the trachman too much empathy too much but the is what that is. Yeah. So So I wanted to write fun fun songs that actually sounded. Fun and like they were part of different genres of music and I think we did that I, I wrote my music for the the album and for the show with. Tim Young and Steve Scall- dookie who are who I met working on the late late show there in the band there. and they're really great and they made everything sound super good and it was just really fun. Creating things with them because in both senses. I would talk about different songs that I liked and different feelings that I wanted to have happen and. They would sometimes talk about complex music things that they wanted to have happen, and then we would sort of triangulate meet in the middle. and. See what what ended up in the final. Edit of things and I think it made for neat stuff like when I collaborated with Neil pert from rush. which time. Talking next week. We can talk about the record I making with Pharaoh Sanders. Alive. He's alive. He's write a song for John Legend that was the thing that's real. Yeah he's he doesn't he got. He does have an got. Yes. I have seen as. He also has really complex Japanese toilet. Wait is an ego in its own thing like when you get one, do they give you a whole separate note? No. But like in the same place, he has all the awards but they should write them altogether who Sort of form like Voltron. Ride, to the emmys the arm. We could. We could corner the market on that if we were we're the got distributor. It's very high end. We have this molded e that only people who have egos can get, but it cost ten thousand dollars. I bet people would buy that. I. Feel like you could look like a horrible David. Kronenbourg creature. Yes. That's absolutely what it should. Shame people who have it. Be Like who of you helped what is Through. Yes. Exactly. Yeah Yeah. Could have been connecting with people but instead you excelled profession L. A. Yeah. Elisa will you share one of the songs with us at at the end of the show? Can we can we play something from the record I absolutely can I'll give you a l a comic which is. A country song about being this is going to be weird and La Comic. It's about being on the road which nobody is anymore. So it's a nostalgic tune. No let's go to the hop. Brian Sunny Fernandez is our producer on the program. You can find us on. REDDIT IT MAXIMUM FUND DOT READY DOT COM on twitter at Jesse Thorn. Net Jordan Underscore Morris HASHTAG JJ, go if you have corrections of course, we care about nothing so much as the quality of our products. So do tweet them at jd power I want to mention by the way. Because it was ten thousand degrees today in Los Angeles I went over to our mutual friend Elliot Kaelin's house from the flop house to go swimming in his pool in his backyard pool. And Our friend Elliot said to me. You know I've been listening to a lot of bulls eye lately and I said, yeah, he said Jordan does is been doing a really great job hosting I said, yeah Jordan always does a great job hosting. So if you're a Jordan fan like I am Elliott is. Jordan's Jordan's main guest hosting conducting some great interviews over on Bullseye. My public radio show is I have been detained with family matters and I'm very grateful to Jordan not least because of what a great job he does So go go check that out there some some cool cool interviews over there. plus carry poppy from Ross. Kerry interviewed Alex Winter from Bill and Ted so. That's pretty great. He's he's a cool dude to besides just being and bill and Ted I mean he's great and bill into don't get me wrong. But he's a really interesting man. and. That's it. We'll talk to you next time on. Jordan, Jesse go. Here's a track from realizes new record. Close, to down for the breakfast bar was on local news expected me into him. God, Hair late last night on a two connections Li- in a couple of days. I'm doing it again. Left behind Honda said and the man commit. Neither one is fit for the room. So I'm taking it in stride avalon. Could my gun me good morning and Buffalo Just. Gone, road. Dryden. Episode. On the road. Way, to see a prize madden nate. Hall, closer on the map. Spent. At the mall do in what I don't recall but I touched a hundred t shirts at the. Gaffes. James Whenever Green Room and the same. Except bad one with a drain in the ground. In Tennessee open with. College cheesecake factory. I'm just a man. Come Through. Goes two ways the bottom of the top. On the check. Hope. This tunnel has. Hit the next floppy. Stock. Wait. Dog. On the road. Fan. I got thin little voice. Let's move on dot org comedy and culture artists owned. Audience supported.

Jordan Jesse Jordan Jordan Jordan Morris Maximum Fund Dot Org Elisa Ned Jesse Thorn writer Jj G. Sharks Breeze skinner US Spencer Jordan a Jim Henson James Madison Dave Hill Saint Valentine dot Flavor Viceroy
597. Baron Vaughn, Zac Oyama, Ify Nwadiwe

Comedy Bang Bang

1:37:23 hr | 2 years ago

597. Baron Vaughn, Zac Oyama, Ify Nwadiwe

"This episode of comedy, bang bang is brought to you by query. This is a podcast with our good friend. Good friend of the show. Cameron Esposito sit in on an hour long conversation between her and some of the brightest luminaries in the LGBTQ, plus family query explores individual stories of identity personality and the shifting cultural matrix around gender sexuality and civil rights past guests include Lena waif, Alexandra billings, congressman Mark Takano. The Ellwood creator Eileen shaken president and CEO of glad Sarah, Kate, Ellis and more. It's identity. It's community. It's query fine. Query every Monday on Stitcher apple podcasts Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Come back. Bye. Bye. Bye. The sheep. She fought got peaches pitted. Foppish pigs sheep, that's fitted. Welcome to comedy, bang bang. And thank you to carpool cocoon for that gets raised mission. This show must sound insane. If this is the first time you've ever heard of before, but that was a catchphrase submission. I have been trying in vain for many years to replace my world famous catchphrase. What's hot dog that? I unfortunately gave away to weird Al yankovic. And as you know, he starts every concert by saying, it's a if he is to be believed. I've not gone to see any of his concerts to check up on him. I should because I gave him that cash. And if he's not using it, then we have a problem. So listeners submit me catchphrases, and that is a very interesting one. I think it's a little too hard to say though every week. So I think I am going to be moving on carcass cocoon, and what I say it's too hard to say. I mean carcass cocoon that is the first time catchphrase submitter, I believe and speaking of first times our guest today, we have a couple of first timers coming up a little later. We have someone from Alabama pest control. That is very exciting. And also an automobile salesman. Okay. I'm not sure where he's from the our other guests puts where he was from in the actual description, Alabama pest control that tells you everything you need to know as far as outta mobile salesman. It could be anywhere could be the in the center of the earth for all now. I know. In any case. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm your host for the proceedings and lettuce Terry, no further. We have a wonderful guest who's been on the show, many many times, you probably know him from mystery science theater the current series on Netflix as well as I think he was on some sort of ABC show or something some sort of sitcom for a minute. But our listeners know him primarily as our security guards Zeke from the comedy, bang, bang television show made some of the most appearances on the TV show only sixteen people I looked it up today only sixteen people appeared more often than you, including myself and Reggie and weirdo. Yankovic? Yeah. Please. Welcome baron Vaughn. Hello good to be here. Non Zeke, are you doing a character radio? I mean, technically, aren't we all at all time? What is your real? Because and I've known you for a couple years couple years, you know, and you were on the show even before that. And I you know, I did what I saw. I really don't. I don't think that I saw you having a conversation out there in the lobby that was like is this the real? Oh, that's it. Couldn't have been because he was so boring. The real baron is very very boring. I mean, that's a question. I have for myself as well, Scott. I mean every single day in the bathroom mirror, which I can't see anymore because I've covered in the lipstick. Yeah. How far down is that mirror? Go broke. We talk in ankles. Dow we're talking like a cowboy shot cubes medium. Yes. Down Bubes and up cubes. By the way, your comedy. I've always said, it's it's it's good for all ages. Yeah. Pukes up. Yes. If you have you laugh, so it's not like a thirteen in thing because that's so arbitrary there's late bloomers if you pukes, you're good. You're good. When it comes to my comedy. Yes. Exactly. And you check by the way, I noticed. I I luckily I've gotten to the point where I can I can hire someone I can delegate that that checking response pull a few out in and hold them up and show them to you. That's right. And that's that's right. And if and then I also have a rule about how thick they have to be because we're talking about like, you know, linen thread to what's the thread count on these pupils talking two thousand. Yes. And that's and if you're over two thousand and you will be admitted to the show for her in comedy, you have your wonderful stand up comedian, and you're on some show. I mentioned your honor show. You said a sitcom on ABC. Maybe I did a pilot for a sitcom on what am I? What am I thinking of? You might be thinking of a different Netflix show that I'm on on grace and Franco. Yeah. Yeah. Now, my wife watches that. Yes. And people's lives, watch it. Yeah. And their and and their mothers their mother, that's true. If I had if I had a dime for everyone who's come up to me like, my mom loves you. Then I would have about five times. That's that's very strange thing to say. So you're on Grayson, Frankie, and you have a new television program, and it's coming up this Friday, April. Eighteenth nineteenth. I didn't write down. I wrote down every piece of information except the actual wrote down April, which I spelled wrong. I wrote AARP. And by the way, speaking to grace and Franky viewers, the AARP. Yes. And then I wrote eleven PM because it's only Olympia. I didn't write what it was nineteen. Yes. This Friday at eleven PM. And I is it. Okay. For me to say the title. Now, I watched the first episode, and you decide you debate. Whether it's it's okay for certain people to say the title, do you want? Do you want to say the title? Do you want to force me to say this? I I don't know that I want to say the title. I'll say it first Scott, and they can follow in instep. Okay. I don't see this is like a gonyea west gold digger Ashraf situation. I don't necessarily think that's true yet. We'll see it's called the new negroes. Now, the thing about it is people don't know how to feel about the word negroes. Right. It was a word that we you know, was all in vogue decades ago. Vogue magazine that'll whole spread on the word negro. It was that was what was acceptable to say. Approximately nineteen seventy one to nineteen seventy-two nelin. It was actually longer than that historically, it kind of started. I want to say about the twenty. Okay. So a great man who was no longer with us name W E. D boys was one of the people that led the charge on changing the word that was used for black people to be negro. It was good. Then this is better. It was better than caller people. Okay. People were saying. And then he was like, I think I have something better sleep. Okay. So and then it was good for a while is good until about the late sixties early seventies. And then what happened in the late sixties? Why do people why where people got like this? I think what happens is people start using it as as a pejorative as a slam pasta certain time, and then people are like tongue. Oh, okay. Now, you're just saying it like, well, that's that's true of any word, you know? And I think that you know, it was the dominant word that was used to refer to black people, and then it kind of fell out of fashion, especially with younger people because I think, you know, the the time change politically, and there was a gentleman name Stokely Carmichael who sort of championed black to be the new word. Right. And then James Brown had a song. They allow them proud and Brown became black. And an irony is that black was insult before it became a negro was the word to call. Someone black was like fighting words. Right. But then then it was like, no. This is fine became the word and then black. Yeah. Blacks, and by the way, blacks black is back. The black is back is the new black because for awhile for awhile, then it became Afro-American and then African area. Afro African American and then and then it was like, none of just stop just please. Can we just go back to black? Well, there's a lot of there's some people still prefer African American people for afro American. They have big hair. I think that was Jesse Jackson almost feel like it was like Jesse Jackson singlehandedly tried to force that on everybody. We'll try to force afro American or African American African American they caught on in the universities, which is why came so huge. But I don't think that most people like that. I don't like it. I prefer black. Yeah. Well, the shorter the better. Dwell on it. It's about efficiency, you know, what I mean American is too many syllables. Now, you're trying to take this word back though. Well, the thing is I'm not necessarily trying to take the word negro back as much as I am reusing the term new negro, right? And that is its own thing rights. I don't get it. Well, white Scott what it is the way. If you're lizard of the showed haven't figured it out yet. I'm white Scott his wife, Scott Hoch urban. I know it sounds like a Nigerian that may be you know, that maybe causing the unease I have discussing this subject, Scott Chioma Offerman. That's specific. That's for like, the the fifteen Nigerian listeners that you have. I've counted they've all emailed me. They're like, I'm so happy. You're going to be on the show people from Ghana not a fan of mine. I don't know why gonna do. Got to do it. Right. That's exactly what you Harvey as George George H W Bush had a weird had a weird policy about the country of Ghana not gonna do it. Very strange. What the heck we were talking to talking about how you're the title of your show. And then we'll talk about the show itself. So the so the the the term in of itself new negro is was the title of a book from the twenties. Okay. And the book was an anthology of like fiction writers essayists poets musicians. Oh, as a compendium of like, this is the new this is the stuff that you should be paying attention to the art scene. Exactly sky. Hey, what I'm Mexico's with this show sort of is because let's talk about the show the show, and I've seen by the way, I don't like to brag. But I got a screener of the pilot. Oh, and I watched the whole darn thing. I appreciate your Washington. And first of all, let's talk about the hosts because it's you an open Mike and Mike we want to have on the show this week. But he's he's for and. We get we had to do it. We had to pull the triggers eagle? Yeah. But it's you an open Mike you'll now you're a standup. Yes. And Mike is a musician who, but he also is very funny. And as you know is himself in performances and does stand up shows and stuff like that. So it's you guys are both the hosts, and it's sort of like a premium blend dark roast, what do you just right now? What do you think premium blend dark roast sounds? Just call it. Let me just grind it down and see how how it processes. Yeah. I mean, Mike is a is a rapper a hip hop artist. Whatever you wanna call it. And so yeah, every episode kind of has a theme we unpack it a little bit on. I want to say like a vaudeville kind of way. I mean, silly our friend Lance bangs he directed to develop it with you as well. Or did he just direct it? Well, I we developed it. I always wanted Lance to direct because I I like I like the meltdown. So it's it's kind of like a meltdown type show year. It's like you guys have stand ups on. Yes. And you also have musicians on and in fact in the pilot. It's really good. You have Chris read chalet was sharp and Langston Kerman who's just on the show a couple of weeks ago here, and then Hannibal Burgas pops up in the middle of it doesn't really funny thing. And then at the end, Danny Brown musician. Danny Brown does video with Mike. Yes. So it's like, oh this in twenty minutes and fifty five seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's addeted pretty tight is. And no comedian that did a set. Did the time I asked what do they do? I said down by se how do they run the light? Well, some who'll did twenty who ran the light the worst everyone ran the light except for two people who didn't the only two people that came in at the time. I asked were Sam Jay, okay? And mayo me at paragon. Very you. Go. Guess how easy it was to their sets. So so easy. Meanwhile, the twenties meal how long did Chris read do because he probably didn't go that bad like nine minutes. Okay. Yeah. He's he's a professional to Langston lakes and actually was eighty four minutes. It's eighty four minutes, which is about the the Runtime of Annie hall. Yes. Exactly. Well, he had I think he had just seen any hall, and he's like I could do this for longer. He just did it word for word exactly from memory to very talented guy at some point. I had to edit that basically piece mailed his his the different words all the different dialogue from Asia standups into his set because a lot of people don't know in anti-holiday, speak everywhere to me English length any hold the very first line of dialogue is what he goes the quick Brown FOX jumps over the lazy dog. And then that gives you every single letter to use it doesn't every sound, and you can just just putting scale it together. Yeah. But it's a it's a really cool show. Who do you have on further episodes? Oh, yeah. I mean, you stand up wise we have people like George Wallace. Because there's another thing that I wanted to do which was extensively bridge gap between different generations accompanying bridging gas, actually, exactly Benetton United uniting these colors because when you see these standard shows on comedy central. It's whoever's hot whoever's new, and they're like, hey, you know, I'd love to have this fifty year old person ago. He's had his time in the sun. Exactly. And I kind of wanted to if you will pay my respects to those who came before us did they feel respected after the show. I believe they did especially like Finally, I got my respect that. Yeah. Except for one person. Who's like, I don't get no respect. Oh ridings on. But he wasn't. He tried to get them. Like, you're not black right? Oh, I don't get no respect that's respected Malek in my book. It's true. Who else who else? Do we have George Wallace? Vanni funny. One of the funniest they'll Rawlings. Sutiarso mehta. From the current generation the curve from the older generation of SNL. Yes, l'oreal. Oh, Candice Thompson tone Bill. Sonja, Johnnie who is a younger median there's a couple that we get to break. I've six she. She just started talking that babies on the show her. I joke was take my wife, please. And that's pretty funny. I mean, she put the young young men and seeing what say that who do you have for musicians who come on the show. We have Fonte we have method man, we have MSN doom M F tomb. We have a Sama's, Liz. Oh, wow. A bunch of different. Really interesting. Do they all do videos with Mike? Yes. Okay. So they don't come on and do live performances. They all do video. They do not and the videos are great the video in this. First episode has Jake Wiseman who was also on the show recently from corporate. Yeah. It was a weird thing. I wanted to do where it's like, you know, like rappers get to shout out other people. They like artists collaborators so in the videos, I kind of wanted to shout out all these different comedians that that I like like Jake Weisman Marcel arguello's in that or zone. Oh, so like, all these great comics and every single. I tell you you pack, so much in so many great people in in the just the first episode. I mean when I saw oh, wow. There's three people and a musician. It was like how are they going to do this and then Hannibal jumps up? And it's like oh. And then you guys are doing time in between. It's really an achievement. It's it's a really appreciate. That's good. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Hopefully, we get to do more and do it better. How many did you do? We did eight episodes eight. Yes. Eight is enough aid is. Yeah, it is. It is enough. But not for you because you want to do more. Do you want to do one more? I will like to do all let's see. Let's see what happens. I would like to do this show for a couple years because there's a lot of comedians. I loved that. I would like to get on to run out of comedians. Yeah. Surprisingly, no, Scott, surprisingly, no, they keep making them big. It's you. In a certain point. They would stop you would think that. But I tell you here in L A. It's like, oh, hi, I'm a comedian. God it they bust them in from comedia-. I just don't understand it. And it comes on this this Friday comedy, central eleven PM, the coveted. Is all the young people are at home watching television. When it's on eleven on a Friday. Yes. The post what do they call that on ABC on Friday nights? The you're looking no no back in the day. GIF TGIF. Yes. The post TGIF's going to have some fun. So you how it's done TGIF something like that something like that. He did it perfectly. Barron. So good in you and Mike have a wonderful report when how long had you worked with Mike a couple of years we've been doing a live show here in the Los Angeles. We were doing it to UCB Franklin. Now, we're at the Virgil I had started this show with Bridgetown comedy festival many years ago, especially because it's like comments are coming from all over the country to down to do that festivals. I got to meet a bunch of comics. I never knew before. Wow. Who's essences? I got absorb essences Neta pun note. That's that is a magazine. I didn't even think of that was still around. Yes. Invive? And well, yes. Of course, they still they're still essence vibe jet magazine still has the beauty of the week jet. Yeah. My neighbor got all of those and I would get because steal your neighbors, Geno. No. I was in number two, and they were in penthouse to and the male person would get it mixed up all the time. So quite often. I would I would just pull out a part of our mail ago. Oh, I got someone else's mail today. Because it would be a jet. I go. Okay. I could be like keeping it. This one's for me today. Excuse me. I got a. Well, it's a it's a great show. I hope everyone checks it out. I mean, you're on the rocket ship to fame at this point. After this Friday, everyone will you know, it'd be recognizing you in the streets. I get there. Well, sure. Oh my God. I love this as us usually older generation with the grace and Franky I'm talking to under sixty crowd is finally gonna come around to you. Yes. That's that's the crowd. I've been looking for sixty months sixty months to sixty years, and if they have pubis and by the way, if you better buke dot if you see barren out on the street show them, your don't I retract all bear on promise later. I retract what if you what if that became a part of your act, and then you sold t shirts that was like your face just said show mayor pew. I would buy that t shirt. Let's be on this. We on us. And I think just from this appearance could sell them, and it would be okay. This is really doing wonders for me merchant. How can I get talk about pubic breaks emerge? All right. We need to get to our next guest. Now, that's all right around for this. Around for this person. I do want you to sit around the entire show. Okay. That was part of the deal for sake. Mon you're gun. Tim show. Okay. But he is from Alabama pest control. That's exciting. Do you are are you a animal? Oh, I am. I'm also a fan of the John look was on the movie the pest. Oh, I don't know the past. What is the plot of that? I keep interrupting you is you're trying to sip your drink. What do you wanna do you want to answer? It. You wanna sit? Well, I'm glad you asked their Scott got. Given what he's really annoying. That's I guess that's what the whole point of the past is. So he goes around bothering beep. Yeah. I hadn't ever said it certain type of leg was on. Oh, man. Is he doing his one man shows? People who did not pay for ticket. Yeah. I flipped on HBO or Showtime or something one day. I need to start taking the the water here for a second. My God is that your real voice? Yeah. Just slipped into my real voice. All right. He's from Alabama pest control. But are you an animal fan? I am a fan of animals. Yeah. It's kind of mean to call them pests depends on what your relationship is with them. That's true. All right. Isn't a pest usually like the insect or something. I don't know. I mean, I think it implies like an unwanted animal perhaps favorite or a Mongoose gets into your house or something like that. We'll find all got a capi barrow problem. He is he's one of the Simpsons that this is fun. The Samsun sons, wait a minute. This person is one of the Simpsons. I think so his name's Denny Simpson. But he might be related to those the distant relationships. Welcome to the show. He's from Alabama pest control. Please welcome. Denny simpson. Hello though Simpson. The debt. Downtown. Not sure what you don't know this song. Oh, this is great Danielle van Byron bam. Incredible. And as that sounds like an incredible song. You never really is. It's really good. Have you ever heard of the show the Simpsons? I'm not aware of the Simpsons. Oh, I just know that I mean, my family's kind of weird. It could be its own show. What's your family? Like is there a dad and a mom and a ball dad who got a white shirt blue pants who wears all the time? My momma, she's got know. It's almost like your hair's blue because it's it's so great a him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blue haired old lady green shirt. Yeah. Really long shirt. Yeah. How'd you anyway? Well, I was just here to talk about your deputy Simpson. Oh, yeah. Danny Simpson's from the Alabama pest control album allied to also refer to it as critter control because. Yeah, I don't like saying Pesci there. Yeah. Exactly. It's mean, isn't it? It's made I'm all about the ethical capture and release of these animals and people for the ethical capture and release of animals. I've heard that or if I could start organization called Pekar, and you know, that that would join it. Okay. Good. You know, I would pay dues of upwards of three hundred dollars a year three hundred dollars. Okay. That's an interesting ballpark. We're going to have to do a little market research and see if that's viable. How many how many members do you at three hundred year? Do you think would sustain your organization we're going to be a couple thousand? Big big goals. Six hundred thousand dollars just to stay. Well, you know, there's a lot of animals endanger out there in Alabama famous. Specifically people have what kind of animals you got out there. Well, I can't tell you. How many times have crawled underneath the porch to grab a possible? I back who now or a cat out all kindly under porches, honor porches. They like to get under there. They pretend it's a little house for them. And then it's like a tiny house under a house like furniture like pictures of their family often kind of debris like that. And they're like, it's it's not really kept after and then the animals kind of, you know, we'll be animals, and it will be animals, and they go in there, and they kind of ruined the stuff a little bit. But yeah, they they will. I mean, they don't have a opposable thumbs. No. So they basically owns there. Oh, they do. Oh, yeah. That's true. Because they're opened up garbage cans and tell you how many times have gone down there and tell us how many times you've done these things. It sounds like you have you seen? Sounds like you have you seen stats it happened a lot and more. So than I count. I'm not great with numbers. But so it hasn't happened a little time, and you're just dumb, and you can't count that high. No, it's happened at least happening too many to think of a number maybe too. Well, this is why you couldn't tell us. It's not that. It's not that many. Or is that really? Hi, I'm not sure. But I looked I've seen these raccoons under there. Just short of a family. I see spiking Orage air. That's true. Yeah. I mean, I diet that color or this is natural. Imagine failure naturally. Half of us about have this hair. Maybe four out of five of us have Haley. Okay. Yeah. You have sort of a complexion sorta like the tangerine and chief Donald J Trump if I may be political for just one second. And now, I'm. Stopping I'm stopping so. Yeah. You have a jaundiced complexion. Yeah. You just sort of spray to ethically. Lets me handle animals. It's sort of orange spread. They don't like it. But it keeps them from biting me occas part. So they don't like to be close to it. So they don't bite your skin. Yes. Okay. But it doesn't make it doesn't make your hands slippery. So it's all a hundred times, it's very slippery. Wait a minute. You only have four digits. Yeah. What I mean? That's all you have to be honest, going under them porches can't tell you. How many times I've had fingers bitten off by? I would assume twice before the spray. Maybe be somewhere around two. Wow. So so what did you come here to talk about? Why just talking about? Ethically. Capturing these animals, I am I don't think I've been doing this long time. I've realized that we don't really need to to tranquilize animals or put these little that's what a lot of other pest control places. Do they see an animal and they're like get the gun. Honey, exactly, or they, you know, the husband and wife team. Pest control team thinking one of those big polls that has a little wire on it and the grammar around the neck. And I just use my hands. Yeah. I think that's more natural way. And they can come to understand me. And yes, sometimes they you know, I can't tell you anytime they called me up. You know, I take a guess though, four maybe four times maybe fifty thousand any of this a wide range, but somewhere in between that betwixt that. But we we gotta be more careful with these animals because they're they've been put on this earth. Just as we have. And we should let them safely get to a place where they can live their lives. Is there is there a reason for every animal, you know, how they say like, well, you hate bees. But you know, without them. Suddenly our environment is going to shit somehow, you know, or like, oh, you know, you hate snakes while they are there other catching the rats or whatever, you know, like every animal there seems like there's some sort of excuse that these people go like. You know, is is is that true for every single animal? Documentaries about that to earth. I believe I believe that fully. I mean, I grabbed this rattlesnake the, and it really it really went to town on my arm. Oh down. Yeah. Let me check that. That is you've not dressed that wound. I'm letting it letting it breathe. Do that. Because sometimes you know, you gotta let it gets mayor passed out when I put a band aid on assumed it had a corollary. So whatever orange and green whatever the mixture twos on the color wheel. Is that say yellow, I'm not sure I really don't want to say you have yellow. Not an expert in color, problematical. Well, but yeah, it's turning a weird color. Yeah. And it got me and that was part of that that snakes journey and that's next line. Right. Yeah. So what is the purpose of every animal just to kill some other MO? Can't we just kill the animals women? And then we're good. Are we animals though? That's the question. Right. Are we animals were Hyun us? That's true that an animal to be animals or pests that is interesting because I know that we have we what is the difference between a human animal, we can think. But I mean, they say the chimps can think there's that KoKo the gorilla supposedly could think. Yes, supposedly. But I believe it. I'm a co true. But I mean, I mean, maybe we live in a world where all animals can think, you know, they're living their lives. They're they're having full. Do you think our dogs thing? Yeah. I think there what do you think they think if they if their thoughts like have you ever tried to impersonate what a dog thinks he's probably just said it out loud. Just like, I'm hungry so hungry. Well, that's going to be true nine times out of ten. Yeah. Do you think dogs are hungry? All the time. I think they're always hunger. What a life. I mean. Just prevent hungry Scott. I mean, it's usually in the morning, then a few hours later, and then you come nighttime. I get pretty ugly then to. Yeah. I mean, I'm hungry about three times a day. I would guess give or take. It's really nice look fifteen for me fifteen. Yeah. But I like to eat small things. Okay. Do you like to micro meals to almonds? Yeah. Teen times times that's about thirty almonds. I can't tell you. How many times you've had thirty almonds? Yeah. I appreciate that. Because you're not necessarily eat animal unless you have to exactly ethically. Caught them. Denny you're here to talk about ethically capturing these animals. Yes. So talk about it. So listen, I want to say I don't use tools. But if an animal by any tools, I don't use tools these these mitts, and but if an animal hits me, I'm gonna hit it back. Okay. So the other day possum scratch me right in the face. Okay. What I'm trying to say come here come here and get out of here. A scratches me. And then and then I give them one right pal right in the face. So all it did was scratch you, but you decided to like hit lows fist punch him in the face, treat them like I would treat any of you hit me I'm gonna hit you back, but he didn't hit if I were to come up to you in meow and just scratch you in the face. You would punch me. I if he cut me across the face like this wound right here with your finger nail man. Maybe at punch you. But I can ask elation. Let me maybe I was ceded. Maybe I was seated maybe I got the Tipper got the best of me. But yeah. Clocked him right in the face. And then he fell fully asleep on the ground. I took him to the woods and he lived his life. And that's that's fully what do you mean by fully asleep? Well, I hit them. I hit him right in the chin. Right. He waddled back and forth as I'd or you look like a comical boxer. Yeah. Like when a boxers about to get Kayode. It was he went up on his back legs. Right. Then he fell out fell down. And right. And then I did the kennel in my head the ten count. Yeah. And then he was done. Did he ever like sorta get up? Like he reached for a little rope. And he couldn't he staggered. And then I thought he was good for second thing, you can do it. And then he just how just how ground again, so you so then at the ten count you've you've thought he was asleep. Yes, he fell asleep and fully asleep. He's well, that's how I fell asleep. He lights out. So I mean what I mean if I were to hit a little tiny thing, you know, I think the force. I mean, you're I mean, you're a you're not a big person, you're approximately like four hundred four hundred six or so with your hair hundred nine pounds. All right, wearing shorts flu shorts one hundred nine with my skateboard. So knock this little guy out. And and that makes it so that I can ethically. Take him. Right. I'm worried that you killed a raccoon with with a forceful blow that was his skull intact. I don't know why I'm saying his was there SCO intact their skull. I don't know if their school was an intact or not. I mean, I I picked him up and I didn't look down again. And I walked all the woods and dropped off. And I left without making sure that he woke up I'll say that. Okay. I think I think you killed a raccoon. I don't I really don't. I've really your hands, by the way. Yeah. I feel I'm feeling really good about my actions. And so I really don't think I do is it because you didn't use tools. Well, yeah. Because I mean, I'm not throwing a piece of metal on this animal. Right. I'm not. I'm not using something on natural like a chemical. Yeah. But I mean, can I ask you a question where you were? Did you happen to be wearing anything like brass knuckles at the time? I got these guys on I mean. Yeah. Oh, I noticed those when you walk this. I love and then and then we'll right. And they have a little spikes on them as well. I mean, those are the are derived, motorcycles or something. What do you have? I walk around, and I put my leather jacket on where my sunglasses, and you know, so you're like, a cool like those those t shirts that you would get at swap meets. Yeah. Like a different version of. Of yourself of myself. I'm thinking, I I go to swap meets a lot. And there's there's like an interesting Instagram channel that has a bunch of pictures of me, but little different rights, Michael, Jordan, right? That was interesting. Yeah. You with dreads? Yes. Yeah. Exactly. I don't know where they're getting these pictures to me. I don't know. But you know, and then you know, I've taken care of other animals has this happened multiple times. Woody. What is what is your MO when you approach and animal what you're not using tools? Yes. So what would normally happen? First things. First you go in there. You don't you shine a light or anything, and you just cross forward as fast as you can the dark in the dark crawl forward. Yeah. Are you worried about getting anything saying Hello? And then usually with comically exaggerated southern accent? I put on the accent a little bit. When I go there. Hello because I think sometimes imagined animals thinking, and it's like that. Well, I mean, I imagine it lowers their defenses because when you hear someone with that harsh of a southern accent. Usually think oh, this person isn't that bright? Now, there may be kinda dumb or something. But like, and so often, you know, it seems like last week a cat was under a house. No. You know, rather large cat, and I go in there. Hello, hello. And it looks at me. And it gets a little scared at me. And then it jumps. And it touches my back. And when it touches my back, I used sort of a judo move and flip it over pounding using the force of the cats against itself. Yes, judo. Yes. And this was a heavier cat. So I used that. I was able to use sort of its weight against itself right lifted over and then did sort of left, right? Kick combo. Wait with your fists and your booze right fist kick. And this cat fully sleep. Like a hard kick or short kick. There's a hard short kick out enough space in there to do you know, you can do a full long. Yeah. How long has a long kick to you, Barron? Well for him. It's not that long. I mean, he's so short so about two feet to two and a half feet. Right. We're talking. This was a straight kick for me. So it was like one foot. It sounds like you're using a lot of 'em may on these cats mixed martial arts mixed martial arts, or me Levin animals. Okay. That's the that's part of the what's ethical about it. Yeah. You mix love with discipline. Yeah. With these animals that makes sense, exactly. And you know, this guy was out cold. And that was he was fully asleep. Fully how many animals have you put fully to sleep gosh, anywhere between I would say three or four hundred thousand four hundred thousand and and is that why you need the six hundred thousand dollars a year for your organization is this some sort of defense fund, or you know, a lot of people don't like how do it? And so I would think everyone would disagree with you. I mean has there ever been a time where you've rescued an animal? I mean every single one I would say, yeah. But you're putting them in the woods. I mean in some sort of like mass grave shore of hundreds of thousands of of dead animals. I mean, what sleep in their asleep to you. But I mean, do the would smell do they call them, stinky woods, I'm often congested. I'm very allergic to animals. This word. I would have to say that. Yes. I every now, and then I passed hikers coming through that area. And they're like, you know, I can't smell it. But they're like you and that sort of west sound stupid. Yeah. And they're they're idiots. So it's like who am I going to trust that or not and say, well, I think that you're I mean, you're almost look this is how serial killers get started. Am I right baron? I mean, killing this this number of animals have you escalated to humans yet? I'd have helped some humans. Oh. Oh, look, look, sometimes a human will get caught under house. Schlemmer or other, you know. Wait your co workers. They're not there were no work at the same company. But sometimes I'll control outside. Oh, a competitive house. And then I'll run in there now go. Hello. Hello. And I will rescue and save both the animal that they're fifty use their harmful gadgets on and then the human down there. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You're year. I mean, you're a monster. I don't believe it's mantras for me to get between the animal and human and fight them would of this of these woods. I want. I feel like the authorities need to check this place out. The latitude is one thousand seventy nine hundred fifty eight okay. Good. Is that you gotta use my. All right. Look we need to take a break. Okay. I feel like, you know, you're you're as mischievous as as your namesake Bart Simpson. But I'm not sure. Yeah. But you're a little I don't know. He just he has a whole litany of things that he writes about on a chalkboard. He shouldn't be doing anymore. I would love for you to on our chalkboard over here. I will not put animals nor humans fully to sleep anymore. Can't make any promises he do that about fifty times on this chocolate right here. All right while I sing this data data. All right. We need to take a break. We'll be right back with more comedy bang after this. Hey, kevin. I'm supposed to do. This supposed to do is live read for Thomas English muffins. But the problem is every time I just do a read I get to hungry, and I have to stop it in the mill after eat them up. And I'm thinking what if I just started? And I did that while I was eating the Muffin is that. Okay. Is that going to bother to many people? I mean, if people have AS MR, or is that a thing you have or is it the thing you like, I don't even know. But I think people are gonna like is. I'm just going to eat some of this Muffin right now. And. That is good. Man, I tell you a morning without Atanas English Muffin is a morning wasted. Because you know, I like to eat Thomas English muffins topped with jellies jam. I don't know the difference. Put them on a Muffin. I don't care about the difference. Peanut butter. Hall. Thomas's would peanut butter that it does not get better than that. This one's dry. But I didn't put anything on it because I'm just so hungry. I'm just going to this is like swallowing an aspirin without water. And then I just goats my tandem bicycle. Which is how I get everywhere with cool up. We try to always make sure we go to the same places and leave at the same time. Even if it's hours and hours separated from each other. And she has her Thomas's. Of course, you know, she has it with margarine or butter cream cheese cream cheese out of Thomas's English Muffin. They know log that. Of course, I do this before brushing my teeth. So don't worry about that. I'm not going to smell like peanut butter the entire day. But it's a great great way to start your day. I mean, yeah, sure, I take a shower somewhere in there. Sometimes it's before sometimes it's after but. Is that what this is about is about how my day starts? I really don't know. Even what I'm talking about right now. All I know is this this Thomas English Muffin is the best. Of course. I eat the light multi grain God exercise, first of all that bike. It takes me three hours to get anywhere in California here in LA, that's mainly. My my main source of exercise, but I'm also doing key goals the entire day. Look, you gotta try these things if you've never first of all if you've never had a Thomas English Muffin, you're certified insane. I think you must be an alien from another planet. If you've never had one of these everyone has had a Thomas's English Muffin. And you know, it's been so long since I finished this first one. And now, I'm hungry again. Just talking about it. I'm going to have another one. Okay. So I gotta end this. Anyway, Thomas English Muffin. Remembered nine thousand nine hundred eighty nine. Remember june. When Batman came out good times. Remember biking around the city looking for Batman posters that you could take out a bus stops. I do but something. That was maybe even more interesting. Although I don't know it's hard to say that this is more interesting than the story about me biking around the city looking for Batman poster steel out of bus stops. But I'm gonna try it. But something even perhaps more interesting than that happened in one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine that was the year that the World Wide Web was invented. Of course, little me bike and around the city, not even realizing someone invented the entire World Wide Web. Well, we've come a long way since then. I have fifteen Batman posters and the World Wide Web has pretty much taken over society. So why does it feel like the software that you use every day at work is stuck in the past. Well, take a leap into the future. I mean, we don't know how many more Batman movies are coming out in the future. I one a year. I hope there's a joker one. That was too scary though. But that's coming out a little later, but you can take your own leap into the future by finding the right software for your business on capterra dot com. The leading free online resource to help you find the best software solution for your business. That's right. They have a reviews of products. How many review if I if I were to say how many reviews of products? Do you think they have three? I would guess I go to aside. And you say they have a bunch of reviews there. I'd go they probably have three reviews. No, they have over seven hundred thousand reviews of products from real software users. Capterra has everything you need to make an informed decision. You can search more than seven hundred specific categories of software from project management to Email marketing and sounds to me like they have about a thousand reviews in every category. If you do the math correctly, no matter what your business needs. Capterra makes it easy to discover the right solution and fast. Look, you gotta go on capterra with. That's all we do around the office here every single day. It's like, what's what's on? Capterra dot com today. Have they added their seven hundred thousand. And one three of you. That's kevin. He's strange. Look, you gotta visit it. Visit. Capterra dot com slash bang bang for free today to find the right tools to make twenty nineteen year for your business. Capterra dot com slash bang bang. Let me spell that for you. Okay. Capterra is spelled C A P T E R R A or CAP T E R R, A dot com slash bang bang. Capterra dot com. It is the future. Comedy, bang bang. We are back here baron. Vaughn. The the show is the negroes this Friday and seven Fridays after that. That's correct. And then gone hopefully back hopefully back. Let's see what happens. But there's what is it on after something can people get that? I think it will be it'll be a room. Yeah. It'll be around. But check it out this Friday eleven pm, and we're simulcast on BT's. Well, are you really? We're going to be on comedy and be NBA. No, not get outta here. What the heck? That's denny. A pest control easier. Easy hearing B's boy, I would like to try see you try to put these beasts of fully to sleep. I would love to. Good. I put a couple to sleep in my day a couple. Yeah. Bees a couple of beats. Yeah. There were a couple a couple. Okay. Yeah. He's stuck me. Precisely the same time. Oh, that's companionship. Yeah. We need to get to our next guest. He's an automobile salesman. Although we don't know where he sells these automobiles have. It'd be my first question question. Do you have your first question locks loaded biz? And did what do you got? Okay. Well, you can save it go tell me what I was just gonna ask what kinds of cars. So that's good. Like, what brand do you mean or okay? Good size. Save that save that. Yes. Size mid-size. Yes. Is there? They compact midsize. And then what I think it's I think it's grown. Dave NT, David small. Do you have your first question, Danny? Yes. What is the best animal for? For what for driving animal to drive a car? All right. Save it. Okay. That'll be your first. All right. We all have her first questions. He's not a mobile salesman. Please welcome Gregory Smith. They have going. Look a lot of questions right out the gate because there's a lot of questions and a lot of clarifications. I gotta do you you maybe you you. You were saying I say automobiles, but actually I feel more than automobiles. I sell experiences and stories, and I said one automobile at a time because what I like to do is. I like to trade up a get a get automobiles would stories behind them like by. I automobile was from from from a mayor, Omar Bradley of County, California. I bought his call. And then I was like oh well concealed is. This is a story. This is the mayor. Did you go fly it if you didn't think you could tell it? Oh. Because I was like I knew I focus on one thing at a time. You just wanted to buy I wanted to buy it. But I was like I could sodas this brand is called as a, you know, a sold. It flipped it sold. It flipped it. Next thing. You know, got got George Wallace on heard you talking about George wells had his call. You know that was a good one. It was Cadillac DeVille. W-won't flipped it sold it for the did sold. It. What is the flipping involved before? You like you flip it and you sell it. Then you flip it again. Then you sell obviously when I sell you a car went about a car you had. So like, you know. Yes. So for example, if if you Scott all or baron, if you wanted to buy a my don't Danny out of this because that's the story. I don't want that. You're not you're not interested in his car. I don't I don't want that store. So okay. No, no offenses to you. And and what you got going on. But those are stories I'm trying to tell happy stories you have happy story. So when you buy a car, you're buying their story. Oh, yeah. Because I have a whole process. So when I meet say, so a meet you we're going we're going by by the com- Baio call. I require three hour sit down. Yeah. Yeah. We sit down for three hours like talking to a minister, Marie get married. But condu- because I need to know. What story I'm inherited because I can't flip a bad story. Let me tell you. So we if we were to sit down you would ask me what all of my experiences in the car. You know, tell me about the time. You lost your virginity? What was that? Like who regardless of if it happened in the car, you know, because that might lean into it. You know, how sometimes you you wanna take a class? You got pretty wet Chris sits, I guess, but my car right now I'd had it for about ten years. And I lost my virginity long before that. I can't tell you. How many you? All right. So you anywhere between two and Laura we'll do not move onto the next question. Okay. All right. What G for breakfast every day? Every see. I've it varies as much as I would like dangerous meet the same thing. Oh, yeah. Every day. I wake up eat one a raw. Of course. Why would you burn the minerals? Okay. What about the shell the shell? You know, you definitely want to crack that open sharing of. Yes. Okay. Yes. You're saying it's a win. It was just going to say like one eight doesn't seem like enough but the shell. Okay. Adding Sheldon one it an orange juice and a toast. I want one slice over a whole loaf. What are we talk? When we say toast, talking about one slice of toast that unconfined, you know, because I'm on the road because I I drive around this road toast. Yeah. You said where from I'm from everywhere because I'm constantly dry. Was going to be my first question. Yeah. Because in wise, eat the same breakfast because no matter where you go no matter where you are on the road. You can always find an egg some orange juice and a Tokes and you said an orange juice before. Now, it some orange juice. This story is not adding I'm may or may not be swiping some of this. Oh, gotta keep overhead low. I gotta keep overhead low trying to sell one call it takes long periods of times. Well, shouldn't you be opening yourself up to other foods for breakfast? Then if like, you know, it seems to me like if you're if you're stealing food, you steal whatever you can find. No, no, no. Are you consistently finding a chicken? Oh, whoa. We'll get panic from. I don't know we get eggs at stores, they sell them without without the chickens, and you imagine if every time you had to buy to buy chicken with it. You know, those one time I had to live with a chicken in the call. But you lived with a chicken someone someone like you if you if you take the call, you gotta take my chicken. That's in the truck. It was it was it was a Ford. It was a Ford one fifty. Okay. Those are big truck. And I I know someone who would be interested in nineteen seventy five. Okay. So so it had a chicken in back, and I bought that from the foam, John, you know. Yeah. Me I've seen his picture on the package. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it just like, obviously, his grand grand grandson. But like, call them be foam, John, you know, another thing you really into the new negroes of about if I told you I had a Ford model t that was once owned by Frederick Douglass. Wow. Yeah. I would find that hard to believe. But I, but you know, still want to hear the store. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously, that's what took pharma John up up found a gentleman up north in Baltimore. And I was like, hey, I sell caused what stories what do you gotta sat down with him for three hours, and we just talk and he lost his virginity at the age of sixteen right behind the soda pop. Staying and next thing, you know, he's talking about how he inherited Frederick Douglass fourteen. And I was like that wasn't funny. He was going to sell you original. No, no, no, he that. He was trying to sell me some say shit, Mazdas two thousand six Mazda miata. Who wants me on it? Yeah. I shake me out. Well, who mean? I mean the daddy. This is you'll take me out to you know, he's not giving me. Why are you think he looks like you, you you look like see I would have priced. So tried to say that foam, John truck, you see you look like a man who needs to all lots of things may be animals and people. Okay. You need to call me up that small I'm trying. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out your process here. Because you say you say you sit down these people to buy their cars. You also say that you only buy cars with people that you give their cars to or you just trading cards with people after a three hour sit down up yet mostly lot of trade in. But sometimes, you know, I'll I'll get a little money like, especially apparently, so museum said that there's a reason they should have the Ford model t that Fred Delage drugs. This drove around in historical. I was like, okay. Well, if I'm gonna take ninety two Toyota Tercel a little money on top of that. How much did you get for dollars? Cancer cells, aren't that? Good. Yeah. So so that's why you're keep it doesn't seem like you have a viable business plan. I mean, you you need to keep your overhead low because you're not making any money. You're just wandering the country swapping cars with people for the mere purpose of listening to them talk about they're losing their virginity. Did what it's all about for you feel like me, and you will not so different. You know, you just record yo come six. Yeah. But I'm not I'm not immediately asking people when they lost their job. I mean, we'll get to it, by the way bear and Wendy's lose your Jimmy. I think I was seven to think you're seventeen interest. Pretty sure I was. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you more like a eighteen. Okay. Maybe it was. Yeah. Anytime anyone says seventy you usually add a year that the rule. Yeah. Okay. Any you lose the old v card? I haven't yet. I'm a little boy. That's right. I feel sorry. So sorry stayed away. You're in roughly second third grade. I think I'm in a four frame sisters in second or third. Okay. Who's your teacher? He's well, sadly, a teacher of my pass away. Right. I think I have some new teachers. Party with what's going on leave? Right. Confusing kind of burly for a little boy ELS. Yes. That's a short, man. All right. Thank you got some statutory appreciate out. So you you're just wondering the country talking to people trading cars, while why did you why did you get into this line of work because? It was ever since. I've I bought that. I call every time I, you know, pick someone up and they'd say, oh, this is Omar Bradley's call, you know, they named a a breakfast after him at the roscoe's and Compton knows lading. That's like a story. It was like that is a story was like you could probably so sodas call for more than you bought it because you have a story, and I was like. Doe. So what ahead? No one likes reykdal. Yeah. I want to treat these stories because sounds like a thing. My dad would say a little different though different there. He had an apostrophe in his what I remember. Because essentially you're going to get a story. That's that's the big one. Everyone searching for that big one. And you haven't found that one yet. I haven't found a big one. I mean, you had Frederick Douglass his model t that's pretty nice huge. But the museum, you know, the it was hard debating them. We that was a six hour conversation real. Yeah. And then they started talking about it was it was like the Frederick Douglass debates. We tried. I that's basically what brought to the table took one of his great debates and read it word for word. And they said, no, we'll give you fifty dollars in this Toyota Tercel, and I took it how good deal when it will be. Okay. You're waiting for your Moby, Dick. You're no pun intended, Janati stuff. But you're you're waiting for to land at great big white wail of of the story that's going to. Make you rich exactly because I'll know when a stop because I know when I could sell the car and don't need a trade a car because that's the story that's going to make me make big and I'm gonna go all the way back back to Alameda boulevard in Compton. And I'm a by my house back. Oh, so this is about that. Who who did was it will have sold my house to buy the the the car that Omar Brad, which was your house worth of miles. We're five thousand dollars. Okay. What year was this this? This definitely was denied teen. Ninety one definitely housing dollar house in ninety one. I mean, I don't really know what the market value is. I mean. Yeah. May of undersold it, but I need money fast that call was five thousand dollars, and he said look somebody else's coming to buy. So if I would have waited for the paperwork and all that. Yeah, would've. Yeah. Could've gotten way more for it. But I needed five thousand dollars by five PM on that Friday. She got a quick close. All okay. Yeah. It was how long has asked grow. Oh, man that like an hour. Pretty much was. They they ran through it to be on his you have time to get your stuff out. Did you tell? Yeah. Yeah. So they keep everything as is. Yeah. Because what's found out? This was a home are brand new car. I was like I can't live here anymore. This is gonna take me around the sun care a lot about Omar, Bradley. Yeah. You don't remember? Oh, my Bradley. Tell me about him while he was a male of, you know, everything about waiting Wendy. Do you lose his virginity? Oh. See now, you get into the juice juice is that what do you say spoke to him. He lost his virginity and nineteen eighty one to his injuries earlier in years earlier. Well, high school sweetheart how long was he out of high school at that point? Or was she in high school, and he was forty. You know? I don't ask the details. I just want these DJ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He he he don't wanna tell either. He just said he. That's all, you know, eight five thousand dollars for your house for my how did you give him five thousand dollars for the car? Yeah. Give him five thousand dollars for the call. You gave it to me. And and I just hit the road. I was like now I gotta find a better story. So also you were homeless. Yeah. Then you say hit the road. What do you mean? Like went under the bridge for awhile. No took that car all the way down to Florida. Get good mileage. Wow. So then I was looking free thousand miles away. Yeah. Yeah. So let me get in Florida. Who knows maybe I could find a caught at maybe a Miami dolphin. Will. You know owns or somebody big down here. I I really didn't find anyone there was that Miami dolphin the kicker who. Fucked up the game who then got some sort of went through the transition. I believe and kidnapped adult the mascot for second of an investigator found a wound her eventually, that's right. I remember. Yeah. He was an ace investigate does L in the news. We write that down with with this 1993. Okay, right, January after you got this car in. Tune to me for a little while. Oh, really really investigator. He was investigating you use a Kaelin quick. Was it Africa or approximately two hundred ninety five? I I saw this rhino that. I wish for sure was not another rhino was animatronic about it. And I got out of there. You left Africa entirely entirely. Wow. Okay. You were spooked. So you were in Miami. And you were looking for a dolphin. We'll maybe somebody for Miami dolphin. Okay. And then what ended up happening is, you know. Abound around from spot to spot, eventually a found someone who recognized this, you know, someone you recognize that you can in Florida Florida that you can say who it is. This was years later, so this this so I was in Florida from nineteen ninety. Ninety one through about two thousand seven thousand six that's the long term help selling this car is why eat eggs for breakfast because it takes a long time to sell the car you eat egg for breakfast and some Moore's use and Tokes. And so so sixteen years pass, and you have the same car were you living rallies home? The I was living in the car, of course, in eggs every morning, didn't eggs more. Whatever toast. You can find look by the doors. Sure that if you found no stories, they'll store sixteen sixteen years to those little pop sensation by the name of pit bull. Oh, starting to blow up and he needed to get rid of his car minister, world wise to worldwide, and I was like, I'm I'm gonna sit this man down. And I'm gonna tell them. Luckily for me he was well versed in in Compton municipalities. Yeah. It was very very interested in Omar, Bradley car. So I was able to take his car. And when did he lose his fraternity he lost his virginity at thirteen? They give man. Yeah. If I were pit bull. Although have you seen those pictures of pit bull before he became pit bull. No. I haven't seen wearing a tracksuit is just like without the talks. He's not pit bull. You know when you use wore full tux, soft. So I don't know. He's driving around in the fall. What did he have a well eat his car was actually pretty interesting because it wasn't. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was a ninety five and I was like this is kind of new for someone who's just blown up. You know, visit two thousand seven. But it was new new or somebody who's just on taking care of it. Yeah. Yeah. Because I I like to keep my cars, you know, went out when I was when I was buying 'cause normally I would like to keep them five years from the you were buying cars. Normally before this. You know, when you when you drive it around before I was say, oh when you were just seeing them for pleasure. Yeah. No previous life. I was I worked in the government. But doing city government or city government I worked for the registered quarter in birthdays in marriage certificates. Oh, okay. Yeah. On his job. But I was like there's more money out this. So why don't I spend the rest of my left? Trying to flip one call. So in two thousand and seven pit bull has a nineteen ninety five Ford. Tourists, and I was like let me get on that four to us. They make Lassus beckoned. Cable with a car you might have been under. Hey, I kind of. We've done to your first question yet, by the way. I don't even know what it was. It was either this story. Those just so fascinating figure out the details. So I was like, okay. I'm onto something. I got I got move quicker. Sixteen years was way too much lagged because that definitely got bought down. I had to I had to take no money on it. He said, right? It'd be when you Twenty-three, you know, by the time, you know, that's in the future. Yes. To sell more cars. So it took that car, and I drove north to took took drove up missed three or four and before I left. I told him one thing I was like. This Kodak company that looking for something which Kodak company, the Kodak company Kodak family, coats, the allies like keep your eyes on him and hit the road. Okay. You gave him stock tips or I mean, I don't know if you all saw that d- that deal he had with Kodak what you're. One of his songs you use. I use pitcher that with a Kodak and apparently got a lot of money. Okay. I was like he took my advice because not a lot of people take my Outkast, you shake it like a polaroid picture. They got paid. How did mR worldwide get paid for just singing about God? I want to talk about things. Yeah. What do you want to? I want to get money from something. That's a that's a kind of a discrepancy is IBM's earned people should by IBM ze. Yeah. Wow. So then after that, I was like I got to move faster took this took my tours of the Boston bump into none. Other than probably one of the best basketball players have autom- Larry Bird, Larry Bird, Celtics on the cell walls, Dibble's car. Yep. You really run here. Larry Bird, where did you park parked it in public pumpkin space right next to a bean factory bird playing basketball. Wait a minute. Heard different bird is not good to drive a car. All right. So you didn't park it at Harvard yard. Okay. Okay. Good to know. I didn't. I didn't try do. I was like, okay. What about the advice? They give you. Oh, okay. Because I I heard, you know, bosses known for their baked beans. So let me go to a bean factory Sandro straight to a bean factory. They weren't given tours. Apparently, that's not a normal thing. So walking down the street kind of sad. And I was like the other day. Yeah. Then a went bumped into Larry Bird, and he comes into him bump, then he's I mean, if he's coming at you, he you know, I mean he was good on defense. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I use throwing elbows might have been pushed by. But I to sell it fell on the ground, you flop or did you get full disclosure threatened to sue them because fell into the street and got hit by a car? And I was like unless you trade the car with me, I'm going to Doherty's while she had something on them. I had something on Larry punched me. I'd make him go to sleep fully asleep. Police. Yeah. Yeah. So what kind of car did Larry Bird habit? He's he's in retirement. So is talk talking. We would go. Now, I'm getting I'm talking about a nineteen ninety nine Sadi's been see class when newer by four years. So I'm like, okay. Two thousand in ten ten yet two thousand and ten by this. Okay. Good guests on my two thousand fifteen year old car C class. Yeah. Okay. I'm like, okay. I'm on something. And when did Larry Bird loses for Janati a labor laws game. No, he lymphatic their Bert. Still averge. Nerd, yeah. Yeah. You know, Larry nerd Morlin? Yeah. Yeah. He's like he's like, he's listening, George. How can be as good as basketball as me and have sex. And I was like I can't argue with that logic. I don't know. How can you be as good at basketball as me and have said, yeah, I guess because there's where you have that thing where it's like you have sex. Suddenly your energy is gone. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, I mean, historically basketball players don't have much. No, not at all. One basketball player it's ever had a lot. I mean, maybe Kobe famously maybe look I think it's all just lies from the media just to make them. The cool thing is in basketball player has ever had sex. 'cause how you going to be able to shoot free throws. If you nagging your little singling true. Get in the way of free throws. Because first of all you're like bouncing the ball. But you're Boehner's out. You're gonna hit it with the bowl while you're bouncing as you prepare to throw the free throw this. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense as I'm concerned talking about. So you have Larry bird's C class. And are we going to go through every car or we could just jump to a gun? This last cost was the last car that you have now. Now, I have Dwayne Johnson's lime scooter Dwayne the rock John Wayne the rug Johnson. He was on the line scoot. And I was like I'm willing to trade you this tesla model three for that. But he doesn't own that scooter. Yes. Yes. Is that one of those scooters you rent that? We're there you're seeing everywhere. These days of the up there in age. What do you mean written scooters? Well, people are leaving scooters everywhere in cities nowadays. Did he have a word onto say bird? Yeah. Yeah. It says a lot. No, no. It's a fruit. That's a scooter. Oh, this is a lime scooter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a that's a company that you rent the scooter. So you saw the rock on one. Again. I said do you own that it was like, yes. And he sat down with me for three hours, and none of those three hours. Did he mention that? He did not own. He was just real interested in trading this tesla mount of three who did she get the tesla from oh, go all the way back. The tesla goes way back to Elon Musk because you know, on lease Joe Rogan experience that I was on because talking about my story about this show. Oh my gosh. He musk when did he lose his virginity and was it to Grimes under? Okay. We'll look. So you you now have you have the scooter that's the property of whatever company leaves the lion around, by the way. Why don't we just throwing these things into dumpsters? These days. You know, what I mean, you'll come after you ate who will come after you the limes. You just throw it in the dumps. If you see one on the street just throw it in a dumpster. I'm telling you there there there have been really scary anyway. So you have a worthless. Scooter that you're going to have to return to the company so it's been now nine ninety one. It's been eighteen years. You've been on this quest. Eighteen hundred twenty eight it's been. Twenty twenty years. Yeah. Twenty years you've been doing this and bamboos and you find finally got bamboos by Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne the rock Johnson out of all people the star of Baywatch. Ramp. I honestly I was I was ready to come in here. And hopefully sale the scooter the one y'all, but now that no I don't want it. I didn't know you're gonna have to give it back or throat and dumpster either. Either one of those things you need a scooter. Well, could you break the handle off and make it just sort of a flat board? Yeah. He's he's a skateboarder. I don't do the modifications. But I can't you know, control the modifications that you know, you might want to do after purchasing you. I mean, what what kind of are you into are you in the market for a new skateboard? Did you do something like land on top of a car or something landed on top of a car? And then I think my principal took it or something. It's hard to remember these tests. There's so many things happen to me. Yeah. Ooh. What what what would you trade me for this lump scudo, gosh, what about this sleeping turtle? Oh my God. You've run a dead turtle with you. I was on the way to the woods on the when I came in here, I'm going to have to pass only trade vehicles. And you know, I mean, a turtle is kind of like the car of the animal kingdom because it's got, you know, a hard top shell have you ever seen a duck? Right. A turtle. That's a vehicle does very true. I think you should make this trade. I mean, you have a worthless. Scooter you're going to have to give it back at least with a dead turtle. You can sell it to a museum or, you know, give it to the cops as far as evidence against den Denny over here or you can make some soup which could be its own breakfast. That's true already told you only one breakfast. But y'all drive a hard bargain. And I got to say I'm not involved in this. But you take out take that turtle. I'll take that. Don't give me that. Gonna have to have a three hour conversation. I feel like this felt look at the. He finally took the turtle or we're going to have to take a break. We'll be right back with comedy bang after this. Running a small business. It's a lot of work too much work for some not for you. Because you love it. You love it. You little work monkey don't you? Well, look, it takes time it takes money, and you want all that time and money to go towards growing the business. Right. That's the best use of your time. It's the best use of your money. But what happens when legal hurdles get in the way, we've all had them. We've you know from Ono someone is stealing our copyrights. We gotta go like this happened to me before I can't tell you. How many comedy bang bangs are out there there is there actually is a comedy bang bang in Indonesia? I'm going to get legalzoom on to squash them. Because it is an infringement upon my trademark legalzoom is there to help. 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Legalzoom because legalzoom is not a law firm legalzoom we use it to start here. Wolf ear to do the LLC and everything it's the best. And I'm gonna sue those people in Indonesia, I'm gonna they're going to be poor. By the time. I'm through with them. If I have my way, and you have your way make your time and money work for you. Check out legal Zoom's business legal plan at legalzoom dot com now and get special savings when you enter bang bang at checkout. Legalzoom where life meets legal legalzoom dot com. Company. Bang bang. We are back here baron Vaughn. Of course. Mystery science theaters at how's that been going mystery science theater three thousand? I mean, there's two seasons up there on the net flicks right now, and they're long to like, well, the second part if you will season twelve is a little shorter than the first. Okay. Because I watched I started season eleven is that what it is and fourteen every episode every episode it was like two hours liars issue. It's unbelievable. It kind of is own busy. Great way of like. Wow. There's a lot of content there. But it's like you can't just blow through them at an eve. But the new one is very vengeful. Is it really the gauntlet? Okay. Yes. I gotta check six episodes. How long are these sixty five minutes? Okay. That's been jewel. We also have seventy minutes seventies. Okay. Sure. Speaking of digital. We also have Denny Simpson who his namesake's has hundreds and hundreds of episodes would be very difficult to binge. Those again, I'm not sure who these people are right. And we have Gregory. Who's an automobile salesman? Or more of a traitor in a way, sometimes money's own top. And now he owns a turtle. I'm a promise you next time. You see me you go see me in a car because I'm gonna do something with this. I do so animal you can turn dead turtle into car. It's you Gregory. I have I mean. Yes, it took sixteen years to make your first trae. But after that, you were boom, boom. But we didn't even have enough time to talk about every single one. So but speaking time it is time for one of our favorite features on the show. It's time for a little something that we'd like to call. Would you rather? All right. Would you rather? We all know how this is played people send us would you rather scenarios to our Twitter, which is at CBW. I are at comedy Bangui rather. I will read it aloud I will then open up the floor for questions. It's your prerogative to ask me any question. The like about either the scenarios in order to help narrow down your choice at a certain point. I will close the floor for questions there will be no warning regarding. So just be warned right now, there's never going to be warning regarding that so. Get those questions in soon as you can we'll tell you all the points, and then we'll figure out a winner. Okay. This comes to us from. At four Washington lane. I think that's a reference to something. I'm not sure what at four Washington lane. Asks. Would you rather have to give toast anytime? Someone says have nice day or oh. And this is working your side of the street. Gregory sell your car for a Flintstone mobile. All right. So would you rather have to give a toast anytime? Someone says have nice day or sell your car for Flintstone mobile. I'm opening the floor for questions are winded for influence to lose his virginity right out the gate. I mean that square jawed monster there. I don't know. I think that he he was probably, you know, like getting those rocks out. Pretty pretty early age. I think so I would say, you know, nine this story, that's turbine. That's yeah. That's the story before he had Bubes. I mean, that's barons interest. Right. They're not necessarily Hugues. I'm baron Vaughn. Are you in this reality good at giving toast? No, okay. Well, are you giving toasts right now? Yeah. That's why I say, no. I was saying that for you. Yeah. You're as good at giving toast as you are. But you know, I'm a little more interested in the other side of the equation. You know, the Flintstones are I'm not entirely sure. Okay. The Flintstones some neighbors that kind of a really bad house. It's a yeah. Kinda run rundown shoddy looking rock than anything. Yeah. Fred is that the dad might be read. Yeah. Wilma Wilma's definitely the wife. Yeah. But then there's a next door to them. There's Bernie bar next door remember? Yeah. I think they were right next door right next door because Barney show his window think. Yeah. Barney and then got who's married to that? Yeah. Yeah. Real Rosie O'Donnell type. If you know what? I mean. I don't know what I mean. I don't know. She looked like Rosie O'Donnell a kid, right? They do there's the kid. Pebble him. Yeah. Yeah. So narrow narrowing down. It's starting to. Yeah. They were on prime time television for a long time. Okay. Running for a while for a while. They were they were the longest, but no longer. So that's the Flintstones. Our question would you don't have to ask. If you ask you gotta just jump in my man, otherwise this floor is gonna close. Okay. When you give this toast. Does it matter where you are? It does not matter wherever you are. When someone says having nice day, you have to ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You always have to carry a spoon with you a metallic spoon and a glass, which you know, honestly, it has to be real glass. So it's breaking allot anytime. You forget about it. You sit down on it. And you're getting glass shards at the. But, but yeah, you go, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, whoever is there be it's at work be people on the street walking down the street just the other day. So a pretty lady, you don't know what to say regardless whoever is around you you have to gather everyone. And I mean, everyone if you're on. The street. You gotta be like, sir, sir. Comeback here. We're making toasts if you're in the car, if you're in the car driving, or no, you gotta make that toast. What's in the cook? What we sit on. So important to you. What do you like? I mean, we talked about your breakfast. Whether it's not orange juice, those just breakfast for dinner steak Malbak would lose Jimi churry stealing this back with the little Jimmy church. Skim on breakfast while out on the on the doing so based like a king at night. Yeah. And the Flintstones car runs on foot power. Yes. Yeah. You would sell your car for a Flintstone car that you would have to run which how fast can you run? Have you ever time yourself? Yeah. I'm probably about I'm really fast on about a fifteen minute mile fifteen minute mile. Okay. So your yeah. Your four miles an hours quick. Yeah. Yeah. I'm about thirty six miles an hour. So so I think it a little slow to get on the freeway. But yeah. Yeah. On my skateboard about ninety your ninety miles an hour on our skateboard that's too fast grinding rails. I the quickest route possible doing all these. Yeah. I can do a couple of hours flips couple kick blow my God. It's gotta be that venom in your veins. Yeah. Nine by the way. Well, at least you got rule that dead frog. Oh, yeah. The turtle cold turtles frogs while. Okay. When is the crossbar on the on the on the the Flintstones mobile been oiled with it'd been recently oil you concerned about the oil. Oh, you gotta you gotta know about all the time. We'll begin because you gotta own crossbow. So us. Yes. Oh, the stone can roll released. So no, I it was it every six months or three thousand miles. Oh, okay. This on the deal. How much you gonna get four your own car? It's first of all you're gonna ask, you know, win the Flintstones lost their virginity first of all. Yes. Of course at three hour conversation. Yes. And then you get about fifty dollars. Wow. So you sell your own car for fifty dollars. And then you. Which is I think some stick some rocks a bit of tarp. Maybe although I don't think they had necessarily, you know, woven tarp in those days. I know exactly what it was. But it seemed like maybe pelt is probably animal. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. How long have a toast? Do you have to give? Well, until someone cries you have to keep going keep giving tells until someone tells someone you move someone to tears. Yeah. That's the hard part you guys. Yeah. I don't like seeing people cry really not even a good way in. No you ever seen a toast where someone's like, oh my God. That's so touching that feels good. But then I'll think back to a time. I was crying about some sad. And then I'll get sad. So so that reminds you of someone crying tier what's this thing that what remind when you think of tears, what's the saddest thing that you can remember when someone's cried when to hit the road and start on this car. My kids would like dad you don't. You have them home the story. They went with the with the mom, obviously, you know, we would divorce at the time. And I was like yo little Bobby Jo and low, Jane, jeez, they're in their thirties. Now, they definitely ups right contacting them. I've sent the friend request on the Facebook. Lead. I left me did not accepted you the personal touch. And you're back in the states of California right now the personal touch of like wrapping on their door. You know, like actually going trying to show up and see them in person over the time for his own though. Everyone needs to know their father could around us for a long time and a certify ably insane person like yourself. I mean, I'm sure they would want some answers, at least your medical history that they can talk to doctors value. So. Yeah. Did that answer your question, Barron? I don't remember. So when someone cries, oh, then you can then you can pack it in. It's hard for me because I don't like being open invulnerable. Yeah. Which due to move have to try to strike down. See if we'll cry just to test it out on us. And this may inform your decision, you know, sometimes they say that a group of people that are together become bonded when they've been through something. Oh my gosh. I think Danny is Denny is as tier I think our bond is Kobe Bryant Denny is the waterworks not that I've ever group of people being together. I don't know. I mean, that's different than knocking animals out the bodies that you left in the woods. I just feel like I'm sweating. Okay. You're just we should probably get him to the doctor. You have some emotional issues as well. But I mean, if if Denny's around the there. There you go. That's a good question. Can you always have a friend with you that you know, will cry easily you can have Danny around. Okay. Only Dinnie you hang out with any in this scenario. Okay. Yeah. So yeah. So in one scenario, you give a toast until someone cries. And you're hanging out with Denny over here. All the time in the other scenario, you trade your car for the Flintstone mobile for fifty dollars. So I mean, you know. Not don't vote yet. Because obviously the floor is enclosed we still have time to get. I mean, I won't tell you how much time, but there is some time because the floor has no the floor is closed. I told him there would be no. All right. We're gonna vote. So let's go around the horn baron. What do you think I think I would sell my car the Flintstone car? Why? Now, why is that because I have a Honda can't be any worse than that. Is it also the hanging around with any part of it the hanging around with any part. I didn't wanna say LB. Yeah. He's got to murderous a murderous look who through the tears, but he might be dead soon. I mean, clearly something's don't have account. Okay. I'm not don't get. You don't have a cow, man. All right. Any how are you gonna vote? It's hard. I think I'm gonna go for toast, you go for toast. Oh, the tone. By the way, it's not by the way, this is going to be very hard for for Gregory over here because you have toast in one scenario, and you have card the other one. It's the two things he loved main drags. Yeah. All right. So let's get to him. Gregory. How are you voting? This is so fi choice here. This is not this is because when I heard toast owes real excited, but I realize that you've been a toast like the activity, you do it maybe a wedding or or of mass promotion in that scenario. You guys didn't ask about it. But you have a constant supply of toast. So that's gonna make it a little harder for you. Free toast for for life. Wow. Yeah. It's only by a small margin because I was definitely say margarine great on toast. I was because I was going with the toast. I was ready to go. But then I remembered that my current car is a dead turtle. And so I was like that. Definitely good trait. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good trait. Right. And they have a great story. I mean they were on for. Long time. They have a really funny stories. Yeah. No. That's the cod. Try and sell for million dollars. All right. All right. Well, let's tell up the points baron. You voted for the car and Gregor? You also voted for the car, and let's see Denny you voted for. What did you toast? The toast figured. I know I'm pretty bad at giving us, but I'll get better you'll have better better practice. Yeah. You might be the best added by the end of your life, Toastmasters even. Yeah. So toast master. Yeah. In any case. Let's see if you vote for Flintstone. You got one point if you vote for toasty get two points. Okay. You're a winner. Denny. Wow. Congratulations. And that's how we play. Would you rather? You want? Well, I think the snake minimum is given to me. Yeah. Gosh. Wow. That was a competitive game berry and Gregory. I gotta say you have the wisdom of Solomon with that. You you Wade both. And is this is a very tough one for you. Both parts of those babies that baby. Well, yeah. No, no down thinking. I'd. I need to get some o- toast. You know? You know, this was all just fun games. You didn't actually trade. You're dead. Turtle way. What this is just it was a fun game that we played you didn't literally try to play those kind of games. Oh. Does it come out of my mouth is real? All right, Gregory. I'm just saying, you know, we were it's like when you play risk. You don't you know, annex Russia yourself, you don't you don't get to keep Russia. You know? Are you gonna be okay? Are you right now? You're crying out what? No. Because I thought my left change back down. I was like this is it. I got the big woman to ditch Dennis hurdle change previous again. But on the big one, it's a pretty turtle mcgeough will take this turtle next time. You see me up from you. Go see me something. Nice and be riding in it. Yeah. And it might just sell it until then you can try to ride this turtle. Although it seems it mobilized you. So when does the Waco turtles wake up they sleep for about six hours of say? All right, this we're going on twelve year. But he's gonna wake up anytime soon. I doubt that turtles the Waco. Yeah. I don't know about that. Look, we're running out of time ourselves speaking, which but we have time for one last feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs. These. Two. No, it was beautiful that was don't waste this plug time by a shiny object. They've submitted before very good. Very good. All right. What do we plug in Barron me? Well, the new negroes on comedy central in be ET, April nineteenth at eleven April nineteenth just a few short days away. I can't I'm counting the days. It's a good show. I saw the first one in you should too because I laughed. It's got some great people on it. So check that out. All right. Gregory. What are you plug in here? You gotta turtle turtle. I gotta tell you less than a PC cafe because I go to check my emails to see if my kids have accepted, my friend quest. Still not a what to the site twitch dot TV news God on the if dis if d ez he's real funny guy. Really enjoy the funny name because it's like these nuts. He's trying to imply early everyone who inches that man's Chet says. But it really is just a play on when that guy if he his mom used to call them if dog and then when snoop Dogg started doing the diesel shift. So he was like, oh, I guess update it too if DS, and that's just been as gaming name forever. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. You're fan of this person a fan of he has a podcast called nerd, if isn't that drops on Tuesdays and candy dinner with man up DACA on Mondays cool. He's cool guy. You should follow him. And if you need to buy turtle Email me at Gregory, you have a car and need to buy turtle. You wouldn't you wouldn't take money for this car? I have I have ten thousand dollars. I'm willing to give you for this. Turtle. But no vehicle. I can't give the vehicle I have no way home that might have to pass. Okay. All right. So just fun me. All right. We were playing we were. It was another round of will. He take the turtle. I unfortunately, do not get the turtle one of our favorite features on this show. Just Gregory g one-two-three ABC edgy mail fund me g ABC one-two-three. Office Anita see picture of the car before my way, and you'll send back a picture of the turtle Nelson Becca picture of the two. Okay. And it'll be unique picture. It'll be unique picture not to say, you're not gonna reuse. Same picture this show different angles. Turtles going to change. Good. All right. And I wanna plug. Let's see I'll be cluster fest. There will be a live comedy bang bang cluster fest in June that'll be fun June. I think June twenty two or twenty three something like that. So check us out there. I'm also doing alive. Are you talking Romy out there without him, Scott? Okay. And Denny well, what do you plug in here? Oh, I'd like to plug a show called troopers on college humor's subscription service dropout. I think the second episode came out today. Okay. I was under house. Yeah. Tech stay special who will under house, and it was playing. It's fun. Okay. You ever seen like a wicked witch under house often that would be another genre of person, you got the animal control people, the plumbers Plum, we could lead them wicked witches. It's one of the three usually. Yeah. Interesting. So that's the only thing you're plugging. Yeah. And then. You know, Asian af at UCB theater Sunday nights anything on Sunday nights on a television station family kinda hangs out. And you know, we're on around dinnertime on Sundays. We're really on. We usually tell a pretty concise story with a lot of jokes. Okay. Great. All right. So check that out. All right. Let's close the old plug, man. I do. Yes. Could be twice as long now. I'm enjoying it so much I really turned a corner on that. By the way, I'm gonna give you an extra plug outside of our plugs. What was that Email address again, Gregory, Gregory g g ABC one two three Gregory, g one-two-three ADC edgy Mel dot com. Send us a bigger of your car, and you'll send back at unique picture of a dead turtle. Yes. Okay. And that's a promise. That's a problem. All right. Very good guys. I wanna thank you so much Barron. Always great to see you could see Scott and Gregory good luck with your journey. And by the time, I see you next. You'll be on riding around and something else. I hope. Odd guarantee. It's okay. And Danny you have you all color has has dropped out of your. I'm like I need a ride to the hospital. I'm sorry. All we have is dead. Turtle here. Can I get a ride Metron started up after this? How are you going to do that with stick something in it Ripcord? Yeah. Yeah. You gotta you gotta tickle the size. All right. We'll see XM. Thanks bye. Everyone. Thanks for listening and remember take a leap into the future with capterra dot com. The leading free online resource tell you find the best software solution for your business with over seven hundred thousand reviews of products from real software users. Capterra can help you make an informed decision. No matter what your business needs. Visit. Capterra dot com slash bang bang for free today to find the right tools to make twenty nineteen the year for your business. Capterra dot com slash bang bang. Capterra is spelled C A P T E R R, A dot com slash bang bang. Hey, guys. I'm the first the host of fake the nation where we talk about news. We talk about politics, and where we vet you about democracy, if you or someone you love wants to know what's going on in the world. But would rather year that news from around able of comedians were smart funny, and you know, gin secure fake, the nation is the podcast for you, our panelists people like John Lovett, John Fugel, saying John Hodgman and just like a bunch of people name, John. But also people like W Kamau bell Maeve Higgins bear today. Thurston Judah Friedlander, and like just the funniest people in America. So find fake the nation on apple podcast Itcher or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, and we will tell you exactly who's going to win the twenty twenty election. Like were that good?

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