20 Episode results for "Blyth"

E152 - Unlocking the Element of Authenticity: How Self-Defining Can Change Your Life and Your Business | with Allyson Blythe

The One Big Tip Podcast with Jeff Mendelson

19:37 min | 2 months ago

E152 - Unlocking the Element of Authenticity: How Self-Defining Can Change Your Life and Your Business | with Allyson Blythe

"Let me guess you signed up for every free lead magnet and binged on every marketing youtube video and thought. What am i missing. Why isn't my business exploding like that. Well i can tell you. You're not alone whether you're just getting started or have an established business. Entrepreneurship can be really lonely. But it doesn't have to be overcome your fear of launching or building your personal brand or figuring out how to scale. It shouldn't be held you back. It should be empowering on this podcast. We're going to deep dive into the mechanics of what it takes to build your brand make your mark and stake your claim the digital marketing space. I'll be chatting with people from all walks of life and stages in their careers. I will be getting inspiration from real. Experts share their actual strategies and techniques to go loyal engraving followings and sell more stuff this entrepreneurship from people. Who are already. They're making it up. My name is jeff mendelsohn. Join me and welcome to the one. Big tip podcast. Hello everyone welcome back. My name is jeff mendelsohn and this is the one big tip podcast and today. I am really pleased to have with me on the line. Alison blyth ellison provides individual and group coaching and therapy services. She is a certified life coach. She provides workshops seminars and also has a book titled misunderstood rewriting. the rules the that's tuck twister rewriting the rules of dignity and self respect alison. Welcome to the show. Thanks jeff. I really appreciate it. Thanks for having me here today. I'm so glad you're here. Can you please Tell us a little bit about who you are. How you got to where you are today and tell us a little bit about this book. Well my mother would probably tell you. I was born to do this work. Because i was always that kid who was bringing home. Stray animals staying up late so listen to friends and all their problems. I think i've probably been a social worker since the day. I was born So i've known from a very early age that this was the work i was meant to do and i also known pretty clearly that there was a book inside of me somewhere. I've been doing professionally. This work for more than twenty five years. And i a lot of people get the privilege of loving their job. I am definitely one of them. I love the work that i do. And so i have written my first book and i'm incredibly proud of that. It is titled misunderstood. Rewriting the rules of dignity and self respect. And so it's just my offering. It's a little bit about a personal existential crisis. Is what i call it an existential crisis that i went through and getting to a point where i was able to establish some of these guidelines for how i related differently to people because just because we do this work for a living does not mean we have it all mastered in our personal life amazing. Yeah that's you know. that's that's true. I think i think what's really interesting about You know about this book. Is that especially for entrepreneurs right. We are second guessing ourselves a hundred and eighty times a day right and what happens. Is that You know it it. It really affects. You know our first of all our own like you know just that You know the devil on your shoulder the angel on your shoulder thing right but it also comes down to you know. Can i do this. Can i not do this. And how do i you know how do i project you know this confidence and you know this. You know the you know the aura. That they it that i'm trying to portray his. I'm getting new clients and all that. Can you tell me a little bit about why. What like what goes into and the why of rewriting the rules of self respect. I i I find that topic pretty interesting because what happens is that you know many times in our lives like your confidence can be shaken from all kinds of different angles right. You know your girlfriend breaks up with you. You get fired from your job. Get a divorce. You know your kids Your kid falls down in the ice rink and racer tooth true story so You know all of those things. How does it happen. I love the fact that you're we're talking about this in the realm of business because it's so incredibly true. I talk about in the book. The and what that stands for is the sense of self. It's ten tools. The sense of self toolbox and one of those tools is referred to as self defining we live in a world that defines for us from a very early age were taught basic concepts Our culture our family religious exposure neighborhood. They teach us the things that are normal and basic core definitions of things like success or wealth happiness. What family or loves looks. Like and being a business owner really. Then you take all of that. Early childhood training that reinforces what maybe success or businesses supposed to look like an often times. What i find is that people try to put themselves in a mold. Well what self defining does is help you. Define for yourself. What is that basic concept of success. Happiness fun play wealth. What are those basic concepts actually really mean to you and building your business principles on that rather than that old familial or cultural belief system that may or may not even fit you anymore. We get to a point where we outgrow our clothes. We outgrow our school desk from the time that we were little. We don't do all of those things but rarely do people stop and think. Wait a minute. I know i was taught that but does that really apply to me. Does this fit for my business. Am i headed in a direction. That really suits me very well or am i doing things in life that people expect me to do want me to do. And my carrying on a legacy. That was more true for my family and my culture than really was for me so self defining is the ability to decide for yourself. What do you want your life or in this case your business to really reflect and what how do you measure those levels of of success determination based on your own personal definitions. Not some old writing of the rules yet. Not something to my fifth grade teacher told me i would never amount to be right. Yeah absolutely you know. So here's a fun fact. I dug up a. I dug up a old report card of mine from high school right. And i'm not gonna go into the specifics of why i got straight f.'s. That you know that semester right but You know it's there amazingly out of all the report cards. I could find my entire school career. I end up finding this one right and you know we're going through it in like my daughter saw it right and she was just like a papa. You got like you know you got all these us. I'm like yeah. That was a pretty tough time right. You know and here i am. You know like thirty forty years later and it's like you know got an mba. Been running my own business for a long time. I've been making things happen for other people. You know it's like yeah. I got over all right. Let's talk about your one big tip so you you introduced it already which is a you know all about self self definition right. How do you apply that. Like what are the like. What are the basic The basic blocks that someone would need to go through and understand in order to make a you know in order to help You know project this self realization to others. So i call me old fashioned but i am a firm believer in putting pen to paper that a lot of times when we are just rolling around concepts in our own brain. If we're just thinking about something putting pen to paper will allow you to determine what your own personal definitions are. Take some basic concepts if we're really focusing on business. What does success mean to you. Pen to paper putting some some of those words down A technique like that. I call clustering put success in the middle of the paper and see what comes up. What of those are old training that that maybe you were taught in reinforced for you versus. What actually fits for you. It's kind of like trying something going to new dressing room and trying something on. Does this really fit in. Does it reflect your accuracy or is this something that you're doing out of old habit in training so pen to paper basic concepts where you begin to define. What does success look like. What does my business really reflect of me. What are concepts like happiness. I know for me. One of my core. Business concepts is flexibility. I love the idea that i can have flexibility built into. And that's a definition of success for me that was not really taught in trained When i was growing up my dad is a business owner and so he really reflects that six day a week. That doesn't apply to me. That's not successful. When i have to be in the office six days a week. So what's your definition of success and pen to paper and get some clarity about what actually applies to you. You know what's interesting i I thought about this in the context of boys growing up. Who are interested in sports and boys like me. Who just who can't figure out the game of football to save their lush right. And what would happen. Is i would see all these other kids. They would be you know they would be like ultra competitive and they would always always be buddy buddy with each other analysis beyond the playground like yellow bunch of monkeys. Like a i. I have no. I have no interest in doing any of that right. And what i find. Is you know how you know. This is especially with some of the people that i've known throughout the years right that i knew. Were you know. We're very athletic You know back then but now are not and you know. It's it's always this this thing. We're just focusing on the sport on the sportsmanship aspect right. It doesn't always translate into you. Know if you're a you know if you got all these awards when you were a you know when you were doing. Sports in high school or college does not necessarily translate to. You're going to be great. You know in your adult life in your career and all that right. It's that that's so true. And i love the fact that you bring up gender differences too because i think that we're reinforced their that. Their sometimes very innocently. Subtly where we're taught messages about the female roles versus the male roles and the pressure. I think kind of what you're what is normal for. Maybe males to to accomplish that sense of accomplishment is really big for you to define also So yet gender absolutely plays a part in people being well trained and rehearsed now. Sometimes those things really fit like if you get to a place where working six days a week or being really athletic is your true definition of what happiness or success look like fantastic. Include that in your definition. What i'm helping people look at is where the where's that old teaching misaligned with. What actually really fits for you you. You probably wouldn't be someone who would select a career in football right. It's not it's not really aligned with what you're passionate about. So what are the things that you're passionate about that you can include in that definition of success so i wanna take this a step further right so we've done the clustering exercise right you get a piece of paper. He writes success on the top. And then you write all these you know. Whatever branches out from that do the same with well to same with happiness. Great you know now. I got three sheets of paper with a bunch of With a bunch of words on it. What's next the next step would be aligning your behavior. So another tool to branch off of that is is really self honoring and self. Responsibility is a third tool. Where are you now. Aligning your behavior taking responsibility. For your own personal definitions. So you've got this clarification and you're right. Awareness is just. That's that's actually one of the first tools. Self-awareness is one of the tools and yet at same time. If you're just really aware in you're not doing anything about it self honoring is is where it really comes to action and are you aligning behaviors. Are you changing. If you're a a six day a week person and you know that flexibility and more time at home would enhance your definition of success. What are you doing to really honor that part and taking responsibility for yourself that if this is your personal definition of happiness and success what are you doing about it to create that in your life it would sound to me like that would be a great exercise to do alone but i would imagine you really do need a coach to help you crystallized that break because it's like you know just as you were speaking i was thinking about okay. I can write the word success on the top and right you know twenty things about what it means to me to be successful. And then actually you know picking and choosing which one of which one of the were which few of those aspects i can actually implement right so one of my prior definitions for success was like you said the flexibility right and when i had the opportunity to not be home all the time right so for a guy. What does this mean you get a divorce and you get the kids fifty percent of the time right so once you get them fifty percent of the time and it's like wait a second. I don't need to be here. The other fifty percent rights. I started traveling right. That was my therapy. That's all i got through everything. And i got see a lot of places right and part of my definition for success was first of all being able to to visit the people that i you know that i worked with virtually right so if you know i have a development team in argentina for example so i went to argentina to go meet them right exactly and that like once i once i realized like that was a cool thing to do because first of all none of their other. You know People that contract them make the effort to go down to argentina to go meet with them right so it was really great. You know to break bread with them and you know meet the team and even you know like the you know the receptionist and the billing people you know everyone who i've ever come in contact with right. Yeah and then what happens is that that becomes almost like my my mantra right where it's like. Well wait a second. If i go and visit everybody who i work with virtually right and and i actually almost hit this. I'm just missing. One guy in india right but i was able to. I was able to go to some really cool places. Break bread with these people. And i think the best thing at least the best part for my business right was now these people stay you know. Stay with me for a long time right. This isn't just some contractor that's going to be You know do a project and move on. No these people wanna work with me now because they know who i am. They see the personality. Now i'm not as posted size. You know You know square on a screen. Like i'm a living breathing. Human being and the same for me for them once you once you take all of this information and you help people talk out You know like that longer definition. Just like what i did right. What do you see as the net result of coaching people to that level. Where you where you are actually teasing out. All of that extra information that that creates who that person is. Yeah you and i were talking about it a little bit even before the recording started and i can hear it even as you're speaking one of the things that happens when people walk through the behavioral steps of these get really intentional with the awareness and the self defining and then they start moving into the self honoring and self responsibility is that there's an element of authenticity that starts to happen. One of the things. One of the reasons why i love my job is that it's just me it. Is i show up to do the work. And so what happens. Is that when we build. Our business off of these principles of authenticity will were self defining it allows us to bring our full selves into our business. So it's not going to work. It's really about showing up breaking bread with people. I still see. See people brick and mortar. You know. I know that a lot of people kind of like what we're doing. We're wanting to reach more people in further places and yet at the same time. The relational component is one of the dynamics of my business. That i still do see people face to face. That's one thing authentically. That i need to build into my business so you you can have these elements where your true self gets to show up and people are so much happier. Because they're doing the work that they love because they've defined their own definitions of it amazing. Yeah i mean. I you know i love talking about this stuff because what happens is that it really helps. Tease out like some of the deeper. Some of the deeper meanings of what these you know. Let's just call them guru words right. you know. This is why you know this is what the people that get up on stage like. Oh yeah you got to. You got to build for success. You gotta build for happiness and it's like great. How did i do that brother. You know and if you don't have sometimes it's just not so easy to follow right because you think like will. What will that really make me. Happy right because you know. I think we. I think we deal with a lot of Self-imposed truths about you know about who we are. And you know if you go down this path of you know down a negative truth you know. Then it's like you know great. That could be that could be a path that you know will will do material damage to your business and it's real important to stay away from that. Yeah i just. Don't think those things kind of i kind of teasingly say it's like walking around and close that don't fit like your pinched off and you spend your entire career doing that based on someone else's definition of what your life should really look like and so this really allows you to fit into something that's just so much more comfortable and authentic new amazing stuff. Thank you so much for sharing that ellison. Can you please let everyone know how they can learn more about you how they can reach out directly. Absolutely my website is my name. Allison blyth dot com. And i'm at info at allison blyth dot com and. I still have a landline. Believe it or not which is eight five nine three four one seven seven seven. Three people can still call me and leave me voice mail. And i'm all over social media at allison blyth life coach alison. Thank you so much for joining me today. This has been so much fun. I love nursing out on this stuff. Thanks jeff it's been fun.

jeff mendelsohn Alison blyth ellison buddy buddy alison youtube argentina jeff football india Allison blyth ellison allison blyth
Mother/Daughter Relationships: Helen McIntosh & Blythe Daniel

By His Grace

20:15 min | 1 year ago

Mother/Daughter Relationships: Helen McIntosh & Blythe Daniel

"I welcome to another episode of by His grace podcast. I am your host misty. Philip and I am so excited to have my first mother daughter team on the podcast today. I'd like to welcome Blyth Daniel and and her mother Helen Macintosh ladies. Welcome to the show. Then thank you so much. Well Blyth is the president of Blyth Daniels Daniels Agency. She has worked in the publishing industry for twenty years. She's works with many bestselling authors. I'm at Blyth in two thousand in sixteen at she speaks and then have had the pleasure to meet up with her at several other writers conferences and she has a blog about. What would you call your blog about Blog network the blog network and so when they have new authors that come out with books they open up opportunities for bloggers to to write about their books and so that was a great way for me to cut my teeth when I was first learning all about the blogging world and we also have her beautiful whole mother with us today. Helen and Helen is an educator and a speaker an author and she's written a couple of other books but they co authored. A book together. And we're going to talk about that because I think this is a really important message. It's about the mother or daughter. Relationship and their book is entitled Mended Restoring The hearts of mothers and daughters. So we're going to jump right into that mother daughter relationship Russian ship but before we do both. I want you to tell me one thing about your mom and then Helen. I want you to tell me one thing about blyth raced that we may not know so my mom is a really good with words. She is retired now now but she has been a counselor both in the school system and for families Through private practice and I just think it's pretty awesome. I am to have a mom who knows the value of words and has helped not only me but others with their words so it's just fun to think about. How many people that mom has influenced in that world dino? This is so interesting for thank you by the what popped into my head misty. When he said he said what you're about to do thinking you know that people don't know by his meaning nicknames and then by start talking about how much I love for? I have even heard many nicknames. buffy bucket Hurl Buffalo. She acted give you about one hundred good names and I call her all. I'm hope plumbing sanding the spat. Many names right so next. Next time I see your. I'M GONNA call her one of those buffalo. Yeah that's the name of that is her name de Spam ships all all those are exempted. That's wonderful well I wanNA start off I have not read the book yet So I'm just going to ask you about your relationship. Have you always had a good relationship. Or what is your relationship been in like you know. We would say that we've worked hard to get to the relationship that we have right now misty and for those listening. Maybe you didn't come from a good background with your mom or maybe your mom listening. Who has a difficult relationship with your daughter You know our relationship relationship was has really been a miracle because of the relationship that my mom had with her mom which was not a loving environment in fact it was is quite hurtful for from as she was growing up. And so we've worked hard to address things that we needed to address between us and we've also looked at not not carrying the patterns that were done to mom in into our relationship and then at the mother of two young daughters I'm looking at. How can I have a good relationship? Continue that with my girls. They become teenagers so we would say that. Have we have a good relationship now. But it's come through do a lot of effort and intention -ality right. She got it one you know. I had that kind of relationship that your mom had with her mom. My mom was very toxic and My brother died when I was twelve. And it she probably had some mental illness and just spiraled into depression and was full of anxiety. And so I was going into junior high and my mom was a basket case and and She lived much of her life berry bitter and angry and So I can understand Helen what that was like. I had to keep my mom at a distance because every time I was around her she was so toxic than than I would come home and after I'd been with her I could tell I would I would fuss at my kids just because it's hard to break those patterns so I'm really glad that you said that blythe because that's really really really important Ni- don't have daughters. I'm a boy mom. And maybe that was part of God's design for me but it it has taken me. Years is to undo those patterns in the the way that she treated me and So I would like to speak to that a little bit Maybe somebody who is in that situation themselves either. Because I've seen it both ways. I actually have some friends who have daughters who who are in high school and the daughters are the ones who are kind of vile to the MOMS so That mother daughter relationship is so important. So unpack unpack that for me a little bit. Well thank you miss the thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your experience and what I'd love to share. Is that even when you're focused on the toxic relationship for repair. If you don't have some answers it it leaves you vulnerable to repeat that pattern in other words the saying is in psychology ecology. That whatever you focus on you run the risk of repeating so those of your listeners. who were focused focused on a poor relationship with their mother or daughter? You'd be really proactive in getting how now because just focusing on it isn't it isn't enough it puts you at Rennes but fortunately We were able to get out ourselves and so we. That's a lot of what we could in the book along with some vocabulary ability to help help detox of the relationship and bring in a have we brought in lots of elements. It's like how to handle forgiveness etcetera to help movie born blind. What would you say and the other thing that I would say? Is that if you're looking at your mother daughter relationship I'm your mother or your daughter that Sometimes it feels like that is going to be the way it'll be the rest of your life and we really want to encourage women that there is hope for you regardless of whether you're mother daughter comes closer to you that you can be okay even if your relationship. Asian ship does not get mended and of course the title of our book is called mended and that is something that we focus on because we know that God has made the way for us to be mended towards him and desires that for us to take the steps to do that with a mother or daughter and the book is based on a two vs in in Isaiah that we really think are are pretty powerful towards the idea of restoration One of those that are figure like as as sixty one four that talks about rebuilding the ancient ruins raising up the former devastations and they will repair the ruined cities. The desolation of many generations and so We want people to know and I guess I would encourage the mom who's in either category that You know looking at How God restores us and then whether or not we are going to be able to be reunited our job is to at least attempt at our job is to be there to to to make every attempt to restore to a mother or daughter water and ultimately We do the best that we can do. We leave the rest of it to guide Sometimes we get that frustration. And sometimes we don't but we we we do have some ways to initiate conversations. I would say what you say. Mom is the way that we really think. You don't really have to have answers in other words the the language we've given in the book says things like Don't know what saying mom but what I want is for us to be restored what. I think that we need to do to make things better. So we have real honest statements. Like I don't know what to say or a no we're not doing very well but And then sentence continued into asking. What does the other person they need to to do to make things better and that puts the ball in court of the US the initiator to bring bring the questions to bear very healing? We have had so much feedback. Kevin way by people are easing. These sentences in relationships. are being repaired. God exciting. Yeah well how has this affected. I Know Oh Helen is your daughter and then black you have daughters of your own. So how has that affected your relationship with your own personal mothers. How has that? How has that affected the way you parent your daughter's you're finding yourself using these sentences with your children aren't at I am an and You know it has been helpful as I think about what mom has taught me and the things that we've worked through mother and daughter as I think about that with my girls. Yes I think the main thing that has really what what writing this book together in what talking about it has done. It's just help us stay in a posture of humility because One of the main things that I think that we we want to share is that the relationship is always being put ahead of being right when when we have differences because we have differences. We were different generations so naturally we have differences in how we see things and how we parent children in. Today's culture Is that we. We WanNa make sure that our need to speak to a mother or daughter is based out of putting the relationship ahead of our differences and not trying to be controlling rolling and tried to control the outcome of how we parent what our kids end up becoming and so As I've thought about sometimes I have to guard my words of what I'm going to say to mom or what I'm going to say to my daughter in. Its walking on eggshells that kind of guarding. It's just a proactive thinking of. If I say this what will the result be. Am I trying to prove that I am. I know better in this situation or my really trying to honor the relationship and let Let the person know. Let my mom or my daughter's know that their thoughts are important and I can. I could say to them. You know To my older daughter is it. Okay if MOM shares with us some feedback on what you're sharing with me is it. Okay Fai give you some feedback on that and she can say yes or no and if she she says no I want to honor that again humility But but if she says yes then I have permission to give her some feedback that it's not trying to force myself on her and force my way and make myself as the mother the one who knows it all and I think that's where we get into trouble. Sometimes with mothers and daughters is that one wants to assert assert their opinion more than the other wants to hear it. And you don't miss the in our fast paced society fast texting it Cetera. One of the few ups of fats. That is that you can see what you you've written and Bligh's probably twice in the last couple of weeks are tapped out a ticks reunion. I've thought move. That's making a suggestion without asking permission. So I raise it. I have yet delete civilization ship with you as far more important than math will be at the moment so I have looked at texting as sort of a mixed blessing in that. I can actually see my worst before. Push go and while you've touched on a couple of important points communication and keeping those lines of communication open. I think that that's really important and I love what you said about about not having to be right you know. Sometimes we think that our what we believe is is so. We're passionate about what we believe and I know for me in an other relationships not even just the mother daughter relationship but with siblings friends. My children my husband. I I think those are just good communication rules because communication oftentimes is the root of all problems. I know for me with my boys. I will say something and they will hear. Here's something completely different is. Maybe they hear it with the tone of what I've said or they have a filter in which they're receiving what I've said and so My husband's been really great about okay when your mom said this what she really meant was this. And that's really helped to to keep our communication open. So what what else would you say. What other advice would you give to somebody? Who's just this relief struggling to work through difficult mother daughter relationship You know I think there are. There are many women who we live estranged from their mothers daughters. And if they try to approach that person It comes with a lot of baggage and expectations in one of the areas that we We want to speak to women about. Is that actually. Not having expectations is a really healthy thing because we we can't have expectations of another person without it becoming a disappointment for us. We have expectations of our thoughts in our behaviors that letting go of expectations. Those are real silent killers of a relationship and so maybe you have expectations of You know wanting to be with a mother a daughter but the person will not meet you on the terms that you would like to have and so you know. I think we can take expectations off and find ourselves. Ask Ask you know certainly ask. God what am I supposed to do in say in the situation God really going to him. Instead of having expectations of person is is really helpful to even say God where where do I need to breathe life into this relationship. What do I need to say? How do I need to communicate with this person? A tell you an example of Something that's happened in the last couple of weeks and that's been that we've been gathering as a group of women To talk about some topics related to mended and One woman who in estranged from her daughter WHO's an adult said to the daughter. She texted her daughter. Who hasn't really been able to respond? It didn't feel like she could respond much to her. Mom Tom but the MOM said Hey. I'm working on an assignment and the assignment is to find the common ground. What do we have in common? And that's part of what we want to talk about with mothers and fathers to start there to look at what you have in common. Because I often we have more in common than we think about but the daughter did respond to her and texted her. Actually actually she called her and said this is what we have in common so it started a conversation instead of just focusing on their differences. What this mom chose today was tape to go to her daughter and say let's what did we have in common? Let's celebrate what we have in common and that opened up a door for them to have starting to have more communication so I'm back that can you really have to look at what you have in common manse great I I was sort of drifting off thinking about a visual week. They took the vote called bump cups so often will be are in a messy relationship. It's hard to know what when I'm responsible for. What are they responsible for and so I hope that Beijing will help others? I suggested that We we picture sure two cups bumping and each represent our heart and you may run now with problems for twenty three which says guard your heart with all diligence for Flows issues of lie. So I I've had clients draw heart on each with the instruction said when they bombed that what comes out of the Cup was what was in the heart of my mother. Used to say you make me so my ahead and the truth is that it was coming at her own and I was not responsible for that I took responsibility but I was not responsible now. Share was responsible for mar response to her and and that focus helped me so much so I I hope your listeners enjoy thinking about two bunk cubs and what comes out. It's a lot of freedom that's beautiful home and did I just see that. There is an audio version of your book. Oh yes lie. Is the voice. Ace Okay Excellent. Well I will have to get that then My mother passed away several years ago. And we did mend our relationship but it it was It was still just really difficult and So I think I'll I'll get the audio and would love to hear blythe read it to me so thank thank you. That's wonderful okay so And when will that be available so that is available. I'm starting at the end of October. So that will be available on Amazon Christian audio as well so okay. Excellent well ladies. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts today. Thank you for four speaking into mother daughter relationship speaking life into that. I think it's such an important topic so I thank you for approaching approaching it and to do it together so beautifully in the pleasure. Thank you so much for so honored. Thank you misty. Thank you thank you for joining eating me today on by His grace. I hope you've enjoyed listening in are encouraged by our guest today. I would love for you to visit my blog misty. Philip Dot Com for more encouragement. While you're there be sure to get your free copy of week. One of the struggle is real but so is God Bible Study and seven Scriptures to pray when you are struggling you can find the on social media as misty. Philip and I would love to connect with you there

Helen Macintosh Blyth MOM Philip blythe Blyth Daniel Blyth Daniels Daniels Agency US Rennes president private practice Beijing Isaiah Amazon Kevin Bligh Share Tom
Pursuing Healthy Motherhood: A Special Mother's Day Edition

Family Bytes Podcast

42:49 min | 2 years ago

Pursuing Healthy Motherhood: A Special Mother's Day Edition

"The welcome to the family bites podcast where we believe even closer relationships are closer than we think. Welcome everybody, or episode is dedicated to moms this month, and I'm joined a day by three moms who are also Arthur's, excuse me authors. I had messed that up all the time Blyth Daniels who co author, mended restoring, the hearts of mothers and daughters. And she wrote this with her mom. Dr Helen MacIntosh Connie Albers, author of parenting, beyond the rules, which is very interesting. Can we talk about that with you and last, but not least my friend, my coworker and author of more for moms living your whole and holy life. Kristan funds. Welcome everybody. I know you do this a lot. But you've never got an introduction like. We need some like Tim later on, we need to lay lay in some NBA kind of intro music, Tim's our producer. Yeah. Jock jams. All right now, let's get to the important stuff. I okay Connie in your former life, I've heard that you were a spokesperson for a major entertainment, conglomerate, whose chief executive officer is a rodent that would be true. So my first question is, how do I go about using my relationship? Now with you to get free lifetime passes, including fast, passes, hotel and food. Oh. Free. That's what I'm asking. I'm so sorry, Freddie, that I can't get you that I'm sorry, but I can't tell you where you can purchase all of that. That's all the time we have today, folks. Thank you. You could check out this joke at all right? So hey, we, thanks for being here. I know you have busy schedules, and y'all do this allot. So I appreciate you taking the time to be on our little biddy podcast here, reaching at least my mom will be listening, okay? Now we're celebrating moms this month. All right. Mother's day is just around the corner. And for many this can be a time of joy and for others, a real struggle Ambi, because mother and children's relationships are so complicated. And sometimes aren't aren't all that healthy. So I would love to know how you each would describe healthy, motherhood Blyth. How about you? I think healthy motherhood really comes down to being able to talk about hard things between you even between a mother and a child being able to, to ask the child for more information than they may be willing to share with you, but in a healthy way, a non invasive way, such as. Being able to say can you tell me why that feels hard instead of just saying how was your day today? Can you tell me what felt hard about your day to day? So I think healthy mothering relationships with your children is being willing to, to go a little deeper into be vulnerable. Really? Honestly. That's, that's the big key vulnerability. So you and your mom wrote a book together, some assuming you have this dynamic amazing relationship never had a fight in the writing process at all. I can honestly say that we didn't have disagreements in the writing process. It was it was really amazing to both of us. But we have worked hard to get to the place where we are now as mother and daughter, we have made repairs in our relationship. And so, so I encourage women who think gosh, I'd love to have a mother daughter relationship where we don't have any issues. Well, you don't just land there. There is some work involved, and, and that's what we want women to know that, even if he didn't have a great relationship with your mom growing up. Maybe didn't have. At all. There is restoration and hope for you to be able to have that kind of relationship with your mom and pass that onto your daughter or your son's, even there's so much hope. And we'll dive into some of that today. This, this that sometimes health is the destination is, when you have two people who were broken, and then you have someone, especially in the younger years, who are a little less mature and can't learning how to handle their own emotions and decision making what Weiss choices look like it's hard to expect a perfect relationship when you have one person teaching and training or talk about with you in the second coming and also the one person who is trying to stretch the boundaries and grow. And so that is a recipe for. Complete chaos chaos. Yeah, absolutely things that my mom has really helped me with, as a mother, and what she teaches, as a counselor is to be able to say to a young child is what you're doing helping you or hurting you get what you need. And I love that because they have to take responsibility for their behavior. We as adults have to take responsibility for our behavior, but I love that we can ask questions of kids to respond to that helps them do some self inventory, so that again, then for listening. What's that question? We want to ask, is what you're doing helping you or hurting you get what you need use increased or listenership. He's every mom now is getting all our kids, sit down and play this in place out. I'm not saying this an expert is all right. Take some notes. Yeah. Take take notes and do them. All right. So Connie, there are some unique joys and challenges being a mom of teens and that's kind of your expertise. So how can we create a hell, a degree of healthy motherhood? When you're battling and going through the teen years, there's, there's kind of like a layer one, you gotta start with understanding their world. What are they going through right now? What expectations are being placed on them from the outside. And then how are you addressing them internally? Are you listening to them? Do you have margin in your life to listen to them? Are you asking them as Blyth mentioned? I loved, what she said. Are you listening to what they have to say when you're asking them, how are you doing? Are you so multitasking that what they say is kind of either not going in one ear and out the other just you're not even hearing it? And I think it's so important that we learn how to listen because we've created Marsh a margin when we realize that child is a masterpiece, and as we put in the book, parenting, beyond the rules parents of teenagers, you know, we need rules limits and boundaries. However, we've got to move beyond that because your child's trying to become the person whom God made them to be. And they start pushing back on that. And we as a mom have. To realize that the joy of what we expect them to become is a process kind of, like, what you said black, you know, they're on a journey to becoming who they need to be. And it's our job to help guide them. And sometimes that joy of having that child becomes a challenge, because as they start to push back, we start to react. And we kind of jerk the, you know, kinda like, and we over-react, and I think that in the teen relationship, I'm no expert eighteen ager networked with teens at is easier to work with teams that aren't yours. Nessen vested interest, and they wanna level that somebody else's kids, just can't. But it's I think it's one role that teenagers should be pushing the boundaries in the parents should be pulling back just makes strong kids. Because the at least in my observations is so tough with parents were pulling their kids back in they're not maturing, because I'm thinking about my own kids. I would love for them to go to bed at seven o'clock. Still. Gene year. I mean I would love that. And I would I would l- there's some, some childlike behaviors that really would be more convenient and a little bit easier as a parent, but it's their job to say. No, I am ready our job, to say okay, but not quite yet, the degree, you are. Well, you know, it's, it's they should be wanting freedom, and they start requesting more freedom from you. And we always tell her children freedom is earned. You know, when you earn that freedom there comes responsibility. And when you can show us that you can manage that responsibility. Then we'll give you more freedom. However, if you're just not quite ready, we're going to pull back on that until you, you are ready. And then there becomes this, they're not against me. They're not like the perpetual killjoy. They do understand what it is that I'm wanting that it's normal. It's normal for them to want more freedom because they are pulling away. But we still have this beautiful dynamic relationship, that's based on them knowing where they belong. Long their identity is found I in Christ. And then within the family friends are fine. Friends were important, and that they feel safe with us that safety is so important because then they can share those things I was talking about when says we'll tell me what was hard about your day. They trust it. And so many times at least it's not just motherhood, proud probably parenting, in general. Gimme the information, and let's move on. Okay. Nothing, major happens. You passed everything that we failed, you know, no report card blunders. And then let's move on. So it's more about behavior than about training, right? We start guiding them. Instead of you know, they already know during when they hit the teen years, they already know pretty much what our convictions are, what our values are what we believe about everything and our answer resonates in their mind. So when they think about I want to go do XYZ, and they know when or which parent, let's say they should go ask and what the best timing is. They know what our response is going to be the thing is we want. To kind of surprise them a little bit and be mindful of our responses and ask them. You know what would you think do you think this is a wise decision for you? Do you think this is appropriate? Do you think this has got honoring, and then it makes them start to think through their own decision making process, which is healthy motherhood. Yeah. He's, you're trying to launch a dolts not trying to raise a kid. Yeah. We don't want them to hit eighteen and say, thanks, a lot mom and dad or to hit eighteen and go. I don't even know how to navigate this world. We really want to be able to shoot them out into the world or have them step out into either college or the market space, and really have a good sense of who they are what they believe why they believe it. But I love this idea like my husband and I really wanted our children to want to do life with us, not just, you know, parenting, but we wanted them to call us when we were when they were in their twenties and say, hey, you wanna go to the movie or do you want? To go have dinner and I'll pay we want those sorry. Now tell me in your book, how to get that done. Okay. That's also take you out to lunch. What I really love now that my children are adults is they will actually say, hey, let's all go on vacation, and we'll all pay our way. And that is a win right? Because they're off the payroll. But yes, I you know, part of the healthiness is understanding that they are little humans. They are masterpiece in the making, and we are to paint pictures of possibilities for them that they can see themselves stepping into and then realizing that we are the greatest cheerleader, and they always know that even if there's conflict or challenge, and they don't agree with us a little bit, and so healthy. Motherhood is engaging in this lifelong process knowing going back to boy the same trying to. Together, we're both broken people and it's not going to be perfect. And there are some are child's job is to push the boundaries because that's healthy as us to create pace for them. But having that conversation of Saint, I am for you, not just for you, but I'm cheering for you. And they know it. That is amazing. All right. So back to the vacation thing. Real quick. Sorry, I'm little AD. So if I asked them when they take my family six six people if we included them with they pay. All right. Well, it depends. Can you invite? Can you adopt us? How about that? Okay. So Kristen for excuse me, that I have four you have three young girls elementary aged in younger. I've got two in the same category. I'm praying for the Lord's return before they turn teenagers. I antenna SO I am praying for that. So what is it like? And what does it look like to have to pursue healthy motherhood, and your stage of life? Well, it's a little bit different because, you know, things are kind of crazy in chaotic, and while Connie said, you're not she's not training teens. She's more guiding them. This is the point where I'm, I'm working on training them, teaching them, how to literally live out each day from putting on shoes and go to the bathroom, and getting their stuff together. So I'm in that training phase right now. But what I love about what both Blyth in Connie said was. This is going to an it makes me think back to our faith walk, because it takes work. It's not a feeling. It's not it's not always going to be feel good, or even a negative feeling. But it's going to take work to get to this place of income gives me so much hope. As my oldest is getting ready to go into middle school here in the next year. But it's I'm in that training face. You know, so it's crazy and I get frustrated really easily because I know what it's supposed to look like humans, don't always do what you ask them to do. Right. Right. Yes. And I have lots of those stories, I'm sure all all moms do, but the conviction which lease my kids, disagree with me at that age. It's because they because they aren't able to articulate in a healthy way many times, what they're feeling. They show at versus share it. Yes. And that's just sensory overload for some parents is that absolutely my three, you can ask Connie. She actually met my three year old. I know I don't have to ask I've seen. All right. I've seen you in action and you were in the same boat girl, come out, so. Yeah. It's just. No. Or if it is a yes. And it's normally against mine. No. But they're just. Just they, they think they're bigger than they are. And they're more mature than they are in. So it's for me. Like I said it's frustrating in hard because you can't reason to the degree. You can an older child or a teen or even an adult child Kristen and I were talking about this earlier in one of the things we were talking about in the motherhood journey every season has its challenges, so there's talented there's joys and challenges in every season. Right. And we were talking about when your children are little, Kristen is her. It's, it's very physically demanding. You don't sometimes you don't get a lot of sleep. And you're really wisely picking each word because, you know, their answer is going to be. No. So you want to phrase it in a way that the no fits what you're trying to do. However, we were talking about in the teen years, it's equally challenging, and you're still trying to pick your words, wisely and carefully. But it's more mentally demanding because the consequences are greater and you can't just go Senator the room for ten minutes or have, you know, some short. Timeframe where they can settle down teenagers take a little bit more effort. So it takes a lot more mental drainage on the moms, right fly. It does any. No. I actually have done this, with my kids who are inbetween Little's and teens. And I've excused myself from the room and I've even said to them, please, excuse me, any delete things here right now. Meaning I need to leave the conversation right here because I realized that if I were to continue I would continue out of anger or frustration and it disrupts the relationship that we're trying to build. So I think it's okay for us is moms to sometime say, I need to leave things here right now, mom mom needs to excuse myself. And then we can we'll come back to this later. I myself in time out all the time. Just stay right there. I'll be back in a minute. I have to go to time out for a few minutes, and I will be back a hard time believing that you say timeout, I'm getting angry to all of you doesn't happen like that. Why are you really saying I've got to leave the conversation? I really will say. Need to leave things here right now? And, and be able to walk out on good terms because I am I am almost three words away from exploding or saying something that I can't take back. It's already out there. And I think the biggest thing that I'm noticing as a mom of, of children is that when we say, things we don't we don't get to do a do over. I mean obviously, I'm telling my kids a lot. I'm sorry for how I hurt, you will, you forgive me that, that comes out quite a bit. But once if I could just stop my brain from engaging what I want to say and be able to just say, stop. And this is something that kids have learned even at school is. Is to be able to, to stop someone from coming close to them if they're physically going to hurt him. My mom is a counselor has taught kids to even put their hand out, like, stop son says please stop in, in that hurts my feelings. So kids, kids have learned this things. Don't feel right? They're learning that, and we as MS mom need to also be able to say, this doesn't feel good stop bleep do over. I think that self correcting I said earlier is really a big part of this helping. Everybody's saying, you know, that healthy motherhood really starts with some self control. Absolutely. You know, be able to edit yourself, be able to direct the conversation being a couple steps ahead and knowing your destination in that moment, but also long-term, and I would add to that, that not even winning because there are going to be times where we lose it, and we don't have self control. But I think going beyond that is knowing how to ask our children, even or young children for forgiveness and because and that brings us back to, to God, how he is forgiven us in. So I would extend that beyond just learning self control. But knowing how when we don't control ourselves that we need to own up to our own mistakes. And we're not always right which is terrible to say, I hate saying, I hate admitting that your hopefully your kids will be listening to one day. So maybe, maybe we won't let them. So starts with that self control. And also have it how how to seek angry rant genuine forgiveness. And so how do you as in a healthy motherhood situation? Any suggestions of how you seek forgiveness from your child and each age each age category. So you have kind of tweezers like right must-win. That's right. So how would you do that? You know, my mom taught this to my brother and I when we were young and it really works well to be able to say, I was wrong to fill in the blank, will you forgive me because it's knowledge in what you did. I don't like when my kid each other, I'm sorry. We'll flip it. And so I asked them to name what the offense is because it helps them take responsibility. So I'm sorry for hitting you out that was wrong to do. Will you forgive me? It real simple. I think Saddam's think that this has to be complicated, and it's not asking forgiveness and extending forgiveness should be should be simple. We shouldn't make it more complicated than it really is, is at work in the teen years. I was just thinking about that. It, it takes a little longer in the teen years. I mean I do love what by said you, you've got to have them. Tell the story. What is it that, either you did that offended them or vice versa? And then have them exactly say, this is what you, you accused me wrongly. You didn't listen to me, or your words, did not land in tender spot of my heart, but when you're talking about forgiveness, sometimes when a brother has offended a sister, or sibling, vice versa, or you have they've offended you use. You have to step back and one you have to go through the process. They have to address that, you know, we are imperfect. We are centers. We're going to say things or do things where we might overreact. We might not choose our words carefully. But that process of listen, if we do not go through the process of healthy forgiveness where you grant forgiveness. Like I forgive you, we have to we have to audibly say that we have said that her children are children need to say that back to us. They need to say to each other. But teen years, depending on their temperament and their personality type, and their sensitivity level. Some children, it just rolls off their back and not much offends them, not much. You know, they, they really aren't that type of a child, but others are they feel it in sometimes some situations can be defining moments in their lives, and we have to allow them to define that moment. And then let shape that into a memorable positive moment that time where they remembered I was in a lot of trouble. And my parents, listen they heard we worked through it, and there was total forgiveness. And then we release that whole situation and it's, it's in the past, it is not brought back up to in a future argument or another conversation, where I remember when you've got a pattern of this. No. If you grant forgiveness as Blythe said, you release it which is challenging, but also it's very challenging. I'm not gonna say it is easy. The teen years are not, but we have to remember where we're going, and I always tell parents, do you have a vision for your family. Do you know? Where you're going. It's not going to be perfect. But do you know where you're going? And if you do when you have those stumbles or face plants in your in your relationships, if you know where you're going, and you are resilient and you say, you know what I'm going to manage my expectations of them because they are they're not fully developed. They're not their brain maturation level. Their circuitry is all kind of so much going on in their lives, and then their bodies and we often forget, what's going on externally that's impacting them, so they may come home and get mad at us. And we're like what did I do? And now they're in trouble. But we didn't realize they had gotten in trouble at school or their best friends said something that really hurt them, and they come home, and they take it out on us because that's who they feel safe with. Here's a practical tip for folks, because I love that idea. We have a vision of what we want for our family, regardless of, if your kids are talking and be able to articulate something you might want to try this exercise, asked them for five descriptive words that they would like to use to describe the relationship when they hit the next milestone, so it could be when you hit middle school would is five things that you would like us to say about our relationship in a positive way and then you share the same thing. And so for the younger years, really want us have fun, you know, in the older, you're that want to be able to share anything with you, and something in between, and you write those down, and that creates a destination for each of those children, given the sensitivities. Exactly, exactly. And so. Motherhood healthy mother itself control. Okay. So got also instructs us to honor our father on mother. And if we unpack that I believe it means that we speak kindly to them in about our mothers we make time for them, and we let them into our lives, the highs and lows and that comes also with some age appropriate boundaries. Okay. So how can every mom pursue in foster and honor worthy relationship with their kids Blyth, would you start share? You know, I think that for all the moms that really want to have this closer connection with their child approaching it with humility, I think, especially if you did not have a good relationship with your mom and, and you're all over the map when it comes to what should healthy mothering look like and how do I honor my children, when I didn't have an honorable relationship with my mom humility, I think, always comes first, and by that, I mean, humbly inviting herself in to have a conversation. With your child, you know, it and maybe your teenager, even but to be able to say, I want to have a good relationship with you. What do we need to do to make things better? And that is so inviting because it puts the other person in the driver seat to come up with a good answer. You don't even have to have a great answer. But you're listening and you're coming to them and humility, and so many times, we want to be right. We want to have all the answers. We'd like to be good advice givers. That's part of what we do is moms, but children and teens don't like to feel like they're getting advice. So another way to phrase that might even be are you? Okay with my giving use impede beco- you. Okay with my giving you some ideas for how to work the situation out or how to how to get along better with your friend because you're inviting yourself in. So that's just wrapped up in this idea of humility, an invitation rather than advice, giving and trying to be right because that just causes people to feel like they're not doing anything. Right. And they can't get it done on their own. So humiliated invitation would be my two keywords there. But that's hard to do though with anybody. So what are some tips, you would give a mom to say, okay, this is how you start being more vulnerable emotionally spiritually in front of your kids? Because like we say is going to spill out some way you're gonna share your feelings and what you're thinking, or you're gonna show, your feelings and what you're thinking. How healthy way south my daughter? My, my eleven year old the other day we didn't have a good ending one night. And so the next morning, I woke up for school. I went in and I said, you know, after kind of greeting her, I just said, you know, we didn't have a great ending. Did we last night and she agreed? So it's like coming together with what you can agree on while we could agree that we didn't end. Well that night. So we I said, let's go back to that. And let's talk about how we could have done that differently. What did you need from? Mommy last night that you weren't getting. And so that caused you to react the way you did. So go back to the scene. Go back to what was hard kids, are really good about you coming back and trying to make repairs and trying to be mended as the title of our book talks about again. It, it does take the time and the humility, but a great place just to launch to say, I don't even know what to say, but I want to go back to that place that felt hard for us. Good. Good. So I'm Connie in the teen years. And now that you have kids who are young adults. How does how do you shape and honor worthy relationship with them? I starts by monitoring my mouth, you know, as a mother, we can't control what comes out of there. But we can't control what comes out of ours, and in order to model that we have to monitor our own mouth. And think about the words that we speak are they life-giving? Are we considering where they are? And what's going on? And I absolutely love the fact that I talk about keeping the heart of your teen. Wh one of the ways you do that is before you start to engage in a conversation is to think about what lens are they going to hear, like you've you've often hear this before. It's not what you say. It's what they hear and every one of us here something a little differently. And, you know, if you're married, you know what you say to your spouse, sometimes they don't always hear exactly what you mean and you're saying the exact same word so for us. When I talk about monitoring mouth. I'm saying, how are they going to hear take a step ahead? You mentioned that earlier, be a couple steps ahead of them that starts by being a student of your child. When they're little like Kristen's children, you can study them. And you can kind of see, you know, what's going to work with one and what's gonna work with another because they're all unique individuals. They are there different strengths gifts talents temperaments, and I know we're gonna talk about that, perhaps, but the biggest thing is your goal is to keep their heart. And the reason you want to keep their hardest because you wanna focus on the relationship, which is what is kit is, is key is the relationship. So when you monitor your mouth, you look through their lens, and you're focused on. Are they hearing? How can I phrase what I want to say so that they will hear exactly what I want to say and we'll land in the right price of their heart so that they will respond in a way that makes sense does that make sense to you. It seems to me as well because the bible teaches us out of the overflew the mouth speaks. Yeah. So we learned a lot about ourselves in those two Fano character is tell moms one important thing is before you even start your day. You don't have. I mean when you're in different seasons Kristen ever talking about this every season has its check. Challenges. But one thing you have to do is devour in the morning. Just devour, God's word, even if it's verse or a word devour in the morning and then that allows you to be able to divide throughout the day. Mean poor in poor in poor into each of the little humans that God has given you in their season, and in their need. And when you do that, then you're able, you've got something to pour out from. But if you skip that one process, you can't really divide out, and then you're likely to make, you know, a step that you're going to have to be going back and saying, hey, I'm really sorry. I blew it. I didn't have any margin in my life or you know, mom's just been, you know, really under the gun and just incredibly busy. And I'm really sorry. I'm working on, you know, restructuring things. My feelings were hurt and that not an excuse, but it was a reason why I respond to the way it did. But you know, I love what you just said emotions feelings hurt. Those are God given. It's what do we do with those? How do we handle them? What place do we give them? Right. Blyth where do we put those feelings? And then how do we act upon them? That is completely within our control in. It's also goes back to vulnerability, which is not easy for a human nature perspective. But in our families that's supposed to be the safe place. Going back to what you were saying. All right. Kristen so. Well, I was young ones. So does this is this all going to work or you're going? Nope. That's play. Great theory. Ladies, actually, I was going to expand on what Connie said because when you ask, what, how to pursue and foster an honoring relationship. I would I say, we need to pursue and foster relationship with God and going off of what Connie said, you know, spending time getting to know God, because he has an a write about this, in my book, a lot, how he has more available for us than is needed from us like this world, like are my, my little kids, they need me right now. But there's so much more available. Once I am in that space with God in he is porn into me so I can pour out just like that verse. She said, you know, out of that, overflow, it, it comes. Life-giving words will feed into them as well. Because we all remember from our up bringing I'm sure I'm going to make an assumption. I'm of assume we all remember something positive that our parents said and a message that was not as positive that we receive somewhere in it shapes the way we behave and even relate with people now. Like what a saying those are defining moments defining moments aren't always bad things that can be like moments that shape, mold and form and fashion us. But every one of us has defining moments from our childhood, and I would say, if you have not unpacked, some of those which Bligh talks about in her book, and I loved her book, because it does encourage moms to unpack whatever they have brought into their adult life, you encourage moms to unpack that because if you don't you know why you're going to be you're going to be just copying that with your children. And you don't break generational. Curses which is one thing. I love that she talks about under book, we do talk about the patterns that develop and families. And so, you know, the thing that my mom learned from the difficult relationship with her mom was at she didn't want to repeat that, with my brother and I. And so if you are feeling an stuck place always always, we can be restored to God and a deeper place, we may not get to be restored. To, to an adult child or in there might be difficult days with young children or with teens. But we always go to God for restoration. I feel like you know, humans just can't fill each other up. But Godkin fill us up in practically, what that looks like is to go to God. Sometimes I before you speak to another person. And to pour out your heart before God, that's where you can say, these things that you necessarily wouldn't say to another person, but we encourage women to write things down, take notes and go back to some of those things to be able to share with someone what's, what's on your heart and what's on your mind God longs, for us to have restoration with each other, and mostly with him. So that's always a good place to go is to God as Kristen and Connie boat said, what well, one of the things I find, you know, when my kids were growing up as they're all different and I have a very artistic daughter. She is a mar she is Mary, I'm a Martha. She is an artist. I am not I am at list maker a task checker offer and. She isn't she enjoys the process of life, and I just kind of plow through it because I'm on a mission to accomplish something. And I remember when she was twelve years old, I knew she had this Arctic bent because she would color on the walls. She would color smiley face on the toilet seat when she was potty training because this was a happy experience. And you know, I could have gone to her and all of those times she was just trying to express in be who she was supposed to be, and we don't do that. That's not acceptable. You're in trouble. I'm taking your color pencils, or your crayons, or whatever it was. But I just remember saying, no I've got a foster that which is so important for a mom in the relationship with their children. And I remembered as she was twelve years old, we were really butting heads, and I was standing in the hallway can picture this today. It's a defining moment, I was standing in the hallway and she was challenging me in my mind, she was challenging me, and I just I was crying. And I said, Lord, help me understand her help me. Love who you made her to be, and the most important thing can do as parents as we can adjust we can adjust to love that child the way they need to be loved. And so often we expect our children to adjust to our standard or or what we expect of them. When in reality, we can move we can pivot, and I always tell parents master the art of the Piphat as your as your team starts to change you adjust so Ana were the mothering than comes down to that adjustment. Then yeah, this is who God is made them, and he made them in his image, not necessarily shape them into our image, like artists versus the task checker offer. Thanks for joining today. All right. So, and so we're trying to help them become the person. God uniquely designed the debate. All right. So this is another feeble attempt at trying to get more listeners. Okay. And shares on this episode so for all the husband's today. So all the moms are listening, they might have a husband in the home, and how can the men in these mothers lives encourage those mothers to faithfully live out that mission as a mom Blyth would you start us off? I think one way that men can help encourage the mothers is something that I have talked with my husband about, is that if he if he feels differently about something that I'm saying to the kids or the way that I'm handling something is to say something to me later privately, but we want it. We want to stand as a unit towards our kids. We want to be on the same mission. And so even as as we talk about how. Mothers and daughters want to be right. And the relationship, husbands. And wives can want to be right and do things their way. So for the sake of that moment, when, when you are trying to build good relationship with your children that you all even if you're not on the same page in that moment, you later talk about how can we get on the same page? I think that brings unity to the family where mom and dad are on the same page, and the children feel that and it's just a really healthy place to be Majed. I would sort of along those same lines. I think probably the most encouraging thing that my husband has ever said to me was because as a mom, I, I, maybe it's inherent. I don't know. Or maybe it's just me, I sort of take on this role of motherhood as I'm the sometimes I'm the main caregiver, I'm the main parent if that makes sense and I know that's not the case. But the most encouraging thing Brian has ever said to me is like, hey, we're a team. Like even if we don't agree, we're a team and we're going to go out this. Together, and it just gave me. The I just felt this sense of relief was to know that he was he was there next to me, not behind me with the kids, you know, or in for he was one he's not one of the kids. Right. Right. Well, sometimes he is. But that's it wasn't bitter about that. Kristen is that he encouraged you while you're trying to encourage your children, he was encouraging you which I think, is a fabulous way for men to help encourage us to simply encourage your your spouse. Yes, it could be that can take a long performs. It could be great job. Appreciate this sounds really hard. What was hard about that situation? Going back to what you're saying, Blyth Holly, go get go. Have a getaway weekend with the girls. And I'll manage the home. Yeah. Teno connie. Nothing. All right. So now you're ending it this way to here. I'm getting a little frustrated object. Okay. So that's the number one tip. Let your wife or the mom go on vacation. It larry. Oh, yeah. Let just get away breath, right? Okay. So. The that portion out at at the, the. Thank you. Okay. In all seriousness. There's two really key elements one that your husband in front of the children, which kind of like Blyth was saying, but in front of the children, you don't talk to your mother like that. But my husband went beyond that, and I love what he did. He would sit there and say you don't talk to my wife like that. That is an elevated position of motherhood. Right. So if sometimes you're teens not all of them, but sometimes occasionally some more than others. Notice, I'm hitting. I have five kids. Right. So I could tell you some did more than others. If they started to get a little too big for the riches, he would sit there, and he would come and he'd say, you don't talk to my wife like that, that shut them up immediately because I'm no longer their mother, I am now his wife and you don't mess with my wife and I that was probably the most powerful thing. He could have done when we had all the teenagers. The second thing is he would he would make sure that I knew I was doing the most. Important job. I would ever do that at the end of it. When we turn the Tassell when the child left for college or moved out that motherhood was the most important job. It was it was the legacy builder. Right. And that it took all of me to be able to pour into all of these little humans so that they could become that person God's made them to be. So those were really two of the most important things that, that they can do is, is elevate our status as a mom that it's a high calling it's not something we're sentence with. It's not to, you know take us from everything we love doing, but that he reminds us what you're building. You're building a family. You're building a family, and that is pretty powerful. Absolutely. So as we close them speed round here restore with Kristen. Give one encouraging word it can be a sentence. It's like I can't I can't continue. Better word for all moms that are listening right now. It's going to be a couple of sentences word was like in again. Eric woods. And this, this used to frustrate me when older more seasoned moms who tell me this, but remember that this is just a season whatever you're in is just a season and you can view that as a. When the days you're exhausted. You're going to sleep again. Or, you know, in a more positive sense that this is just the season where your child is going to be need you in once you for everything. So they'll even apply to this is just a season. Don't miss it. Yes. And that I think, is where I used to get frustrated because I was so exhausted from having little kids and being up all night in. So I used to get frustrated at that. I'm like can I just be like exhausted and frustrated not enjoy every second, but, but it does go by so fast. My oldest is nine and yeah, it's crazy. This decade has gone by quick. Purging work role. The moms I would say, never, ever, give up hope in having the relationship that you would like to have with your adult daughter or son, or your young children, or you're somewhere in between because God calls us to, to pursue relationship. And so even if it's not where you want it to be continued to attempt. It continue to mind that relationship, we never know what how God will move and God tells us in his word that he will be faithful to us in that his plans or not our plans. And so never ever give up. That would be my encouragement. Mine courage. -ment is similar to Bligh actually, I, I always tell moms you can't quit. It's always too soon to quit, but you can rest. So if you need to step back and take a rest do that, so that you can be refueled and recharged, and then enter back into that relationship, or whatever's going on in your home. So I would I really encourage moms, you need to take a rest because you can get burnt out. And you can get very weary. If you're not careful go so good. I appreciate all of you, and, and, and folks was Kristen Funston, Connie Albers, and beli-. Dan? Remember here, folks. All right. Well, I wanna thank all three of you so much for joining us today, and sharing your stories and your experiences. And I think everybody listening for tuning in today, and we're encouraging to check out our show notes into. Learn more about all these wonderful ladies their books and where they'll be speaking, and you have like blogs and stuff, too, right? Yep. Yet, blogs, blogs, websites aren't grams Facebook, all the things. All right. That's all going to be in the show notes people. All right. And it's free of charge, except if you want to buy a book or get tickets to Disney. All right. So please subscribe to the podcast, give it a great rating, share this episode on social media. And again I want to give a shout out to my mom, Mary all ball. I love you. And thank you for making at least one great kid sister to you. She can choose which one that is, and everybody. This is the family buys podcast, where we honestly believe even closer relationships are closer than you think.

Kristen Funston Blyth Connie Connie Albers Blyth Daniels Bligh Mary NBA Ambi Arthur Freddie Tim Weiss Dr Helen MacIntosh chief executive officer Eric woods Facebook producer Marsh
Throwback Thursday: Misty Phillip sparks a conference and a call to people to speak for God

POSITIVELY JOY

23:07 min | 6 months ago

Throwback Thursday: Misty Phillip sparks a conference and a call to people to speak for God

"Hi everyone it's about. Walker from the positivity joy. Podcast and on this throwback thursday i am reintroducing u. to misty philip who is an amazing woman. And you're gonna learn a lot about her. But i'm wanting to tell you about her now because she has extended the early bird pass for the spark media conference which is an amazing opportunity for christian podcasters and really anyone interested in christian media to come together meet each other half fellowship and just get blessed by the whole darn thing. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be in late. June in grapevine texas go to spark media dot and ventures and get your ticket. I'm going. I hope to see you there in this What you're about to hear. She talks about the origins of spark. There was an in person conference and then of course craziness happened. So she had a virtual conference in two thousand twenty. And now we are going to see an actual in-person conference in grapevine texas and that is just so amazing missed his kingdom builder and it is in her spirit to bring people together to basically create end to speak to everything guy does for us and so i want you to get to know. Her here is misty to do a lean on him. He's going to show me where to go ch and so that has just been a guiding verse for my entire life. Hi it's yvette here. Listen i'm just gonna take a few seconds to ask you for big favor. If you love this podcast then hits a subscribe or the follow button. If you haven't already right now on your phone or on your computer and leave me a five star rating and then leave me review and tell me what you love about the show or what. You'd like me to talk about all. This really helps to send out the message of the positivity joy podcast to the people who need to hear it and then finally if you love it then share this with everybody that you know. Thanks so much. That's it let's get on with the show. Welcome to the positivity joy podcast where we find god in the every day and we see his light in all seasons misty. Philip is my guest today and you'll hear all her titles in a moment but you need to know is that she has a servant's heart and brings people together who've been called by god to create. That's how i found her. And i think some of you out. There might need to find her two good morning misty. How are you add. Money my friend. How are you. I'm well thanks so much for. Just give me a little sliver of you're crazy crazy day. I know you do so much. Yeah i'm excited. To be here on positivity joy. Well thank you. Thank you very much so missy. You are creator in host of by his grace. Podcast you're the founder of the rocket christian podcasts community and the spark christian podcasters conference also an author of an amazing devotional which is titled. The struggle is real. But is god with all these titles. You must be an amazing time manager. I home schooled. Three boys all the way through and one of them had profound special needs. And so you don't spend twenty years of your life at home with all boys trying to wrangle them to get all of the things done. And then i- classically educated them so not only was i just edge. I was educating them. But i was teaching them. Latin and logic and reading and math and all of the things and So yeah i had to during those years. And i just love how god use those years to prepare me for all that he had in this next of my life. Wow and you're right because when every when you're working on things you just don't know well we all know he's working in the background. We know this but we don't exactly know what he's doing. We don't exactly know how he's preparing us. So yeah what you probably didn't see in your future was all of this but yeah so i was like. I'm just going to write a little book while i wait to have grandkids and i still don't have grandkids so i just kept going and fell in love with podcasting and just what an incredible way for us to connect with people and reach people all around the world for jesus. I mean we can fulfill the great commission from the comfort of our own home and to me. That is just so incredible. I love how you put that. But when i think of you missed the i don't just think of a podcast or an author. I think kingdom builder because you bring people together to learn from each other and to inspire each other Just yesterday on international podcast day. You had a group of people come together. We all met each other. We learn we learn from each other again. We we were inspired There are several people that i know. I'm going to follow up with just because they're doing some things that i'm very interested in in so Tell tell us how you got this part of your life started and why it's important to you to bring people together because of that is exactly what i think of when i think of you. Yeah so you know. It started in a prayer. Because i was actually working on my next book and it wasn't coming together at already. Written forty thousand words for that book. And then i was working with an agent and she had a different perspective in the way that the book needed to be shaped. And so i spent a lot of time trying to edit it to make it that. And i really couldn't do it And i was getting really frustrated. It was really hard in. Writing for me is really hard. It's been an active obedience but my husband came to me because he saw my frustration and he said baby. Why would you do that. Why would you put so much time and energy to work on a project when you have this amazing podcast and you're reaching people all over. Why would you divert your attention. And i'm like me. And he's right. But i felt like there was god was calling me to something more and i'm like this book than than what's next so i went to him in prayer and said god. Where does my gifting and my calling lineup in this season. Because i believe that god has different callings on our life different seasons in our life so there was one time when i was a corporate Woman got me out of that to be home with boys to homeschool him. And then there's a new season that i in so i i would. I was asking him. Because i do all these things were. I'm always gathering people together. And i love to throw a party. Hospitality is one of my gifting but it's also a commandment in scripture for us to be hospitable in. So i i that had all of that in the back of my mind and when i heard god say and my spirit podcast conference and i'm like what and then i'm like a christian podcast conference and i started googling and i couldn't find one and i'm like are you serious. There's christian podcast conference. So there's a lot of people who will focus on the christian communicator overall. And they'll include podcasting as a little bitty slice of that but it's writing and speaking and the all work hand in hand Together but there was nothing specifically for christian podcasters and as i began to make phone calls and reaching out to people said what do you think about this. And they were like yes. Yes yes yes. And then god just started opening doors and windows of heaven and blessings and put together an incredible an event two weeks before the world shut down so i know that storage then and so i did not get a chance to go to this and this is before i became a podcasters but that piece of it is so amazing that this happened two weeks before and frankly the pandemic and the virus had begun already but before we this part of the world was really affected by two weeks. That's crazy. yeah and so. In that time you know dot equipped people who wanted to podcast with the tools that they needed so during the pandemic there were so many christian Podcasts and i always say another podcast was sparked because i just love that word spark in. It's really cool I didn't know it when god gave me the name spark but actually we were in the hebrew year of fifty seven eighty and the word for that means spark. And it's boys and I've been kinda studying that a little bit. And i just realized that you know in this time in this day are christian. Voices are so important. I think more than we even as podcasters know the work that we're doing in the kingdom because we're bombarded with negative messages all the time and And were were holding the darkness back when we are shining. Light into the darkness with With our christian podcast and to me. That is just mind boggling. No it really is so you are while you're intentional about everything i have come to find. And you're so you're very intentional about an upcoming conference in you just announced. It is super exciting so just in case. Anybody doesn't know out there. Another spark conference is coming but it is coming at very specific time. Tell us when it's coming in why you picked this time. Yeah so one of the reasons is. I've been praying about spark twenty twenty one because the Somebody who has counseling me at the event. Who kind of helping me us like. Oh got to sell tickets for next year. Now you've got to sell tickets for next year now. So i did with no venue in no date for this year and no Awareness that covid was going to happen while You know we don't. We just don't know what's going to with that is they're going to be a resurgence. We've got flu season coming I was you know. Just really praying. And i didn't have peace and i don't move forward until i hear from god right and so i was praying and praying and praying and i got some friends to pray for me and i was even kinda getting discouraged like god what am i gonna do And so the answer came. It came very quickly. And he he just impress upon my heart to do a virtual conference and to do it the week of the election. And here's the reason. Why because i and my own personal life. I started looking at reading the news and watching what's happening in the world and We've just had so much. In addition to the pandemic we've had wildfires in hurricanes and racial unrest and civil unrest and political drama. and. I don't think that any of that is going to end as soon as the election happens. And so i know for me. When i take my eyes off of jesus and i start looking at the world around me. I forget that he has a good plan. That god is in control that he's in the world altogether and so i thought you know what he has called us to christian podcasting no matter what is happening in the world around us. We have call on our life and we need to stay strong. And i thought if i've been discouraged and i was talking to a few other of my podcasting friends who've been doing it for a while or content creators and and they were just the heaviness of the season in our world. They were feeling too. And so i was like we need another spark. Let's get together. Let's focus on finishing twenty twenty strong and looking ahead into twenty twenty one with a fresh vision and Just what god wants to do with us in our lives and in who he wants to reach with our podcast wanna focus on on growth and up. Because that's the next thing that podcasts always ask you know is once i get started. How do i grow my show. And so i thought this is going to be a great time for encouragement and growth absolutely absolutely as a new or so i just started in may I have said that my podcast was birthed of the pandemic. But it's not. It's not just be just that because this message of encouragement and in in my podcast finding god in the in the everyday in finding joy will will last long after this whole situation but a lot of people. Finding a lot of people started their podcast around the same time and usually the month is may. Yeah and when. I hear people say that i'm like yeah me too. So there are people who are probably listening who are not podcasters. Who won't be podcasters. But the this idea of coming together and finding positively In in the middle of all this. I think this will ring with beyond just the podcast community But i think what we're doing Because because we feel led to do so Is to try to send out those that message of inspiration that message of encouragement so for people who are maybe maybe a little interested in podcasting but really no Tell them how they can get more involved and maybe even ten the spark conference and what they what they might be able to get out of it. Yeah so. I am so excited that i have a friend who is just a breath of fresh air. Who loves jesus. She doesn't have a podcast. I think she may have a podcast in the future. She came to spark But when when i was planning with another friend of mine we were talking about mindset and and and going into the next year in how we need to get our minds prepared and i who should do that talk and she said charity shed so i just love that That i'm bringing together. Voices some known podcast or some not known Some who aren't even podcasting with the purpose for encouragement So i i really think that there's going to be something that if you're a business owner and you're working on social media because we're going to focus on that if you are just a person in need of encouragement we're gonna focus on the lord and our purpose and are calling so. I think that you could get something out of that as well So it's our website is. Www dot spark pod con dot com. And there you can see are amazing speakers. Keep updating it with all of the latest and here's a really cool thing if If you have some listeners who are potential authors. We have the amazing agents from the blyth daniel agency blyth daniels and stephanie. Alton who are taking literary appointments on the day after the conference on that saturday morning so that nobody would have to miss the conference. But i'm so excited for that. Those are appointments are actually already filling up and we just announced the conference. So i wouldn't wait if that's something that's of interest to you. And they were at spark and it was a popular overfilled their time and didn't give them a break so i'm not going to do that to him. This time but They're amazing and so you know if you have a podcast that you wanna turn into a book or or maybe just god's calling you but you're not really sure they'd be great to talk to about that The lineup sounds great in amd definitely going in a very interested certainly in in speaking to to the agents. And i think there's a lot of people out there the business owners. I know business owners at my church. I think that would be. That would be very interested in this. And so you talked about prayer a little bit ago and how when you didn't have peace you turn to god in prayer. How does prayer lead you in your life. Yeah so it is. It's like the air we breathe right. I mean we have to be connected to our creator so that we know What he wants us to do. And just and not only that but you know this world is hard you know this. Why wrote the struggle is real. The struggle in this life is real and if nothing else but twenty twenty has proved that her but so is god and he wants us to cast our cares and our burdens and If we're mad if we're sad if we're happy like he wants to do life with us and so our prayer is just our communication with our father and Just like we would be talking to a friend I think about the verse that says you know depart from me and new you. Not and how terrible would it be to go through this life and go through the motions and not really have that relationship with the lord. And so i think prayer is Sometimes we we think that we pray about it because we think about it but we don't actually pray about it and It's important for us to dialogue with our father all the time. I mean we're going to have those those popcorn prayers that come up throughout the day but being intentional about our per life to is really important and sometimes it takes long. There have been things in my life. I've had to pray for like my special needs son. Who has a brain injury. Can god helium absolutely. Has he done some miracles in his life. Yes but He still has a brain injury and that may never change. But that doesn't mean that. I don't continue to pray for my son because i do. I need to pray for my son so Thing that this kind of a long answer to your question but it's essential. I mean it is just. It is a core Cook core principle And do you have a favorite scripture that you like to lean on Yeah so my favorite scripture is. I'm gonna give you the one is my life and it's trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways. Acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. And i have just found that if i try to lean on my own understanding. I'm gonna mess it up every time in. So i just need to if i don't know what to do a lean on him and he's gonna show me where to go and so that has just been a guiding versed for my entire life but more recently with all of the things that god is doing in my life that scripture from equations. That says now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we could ask or think to him be the glory. I don't know. I'm kind of it a little bit but you get the point like god has plans for us that are far beyond our wildest imagination and when we come to him in prayer and we seek him and we ask him and we wait on him for those answers. He's going to do some really cool things in our life that are beyond what we can ever think and so That's kind of a new verse at. I'm really holding onto. Because i'm really blown away by just the opportunities. The lord has given me in the blessings that i continue to receive A man that's that's that's really beautiful so one last question. Do you tell me the last time that you were completely overwhelmed. In god's love. Wow that's a that's a good question and it's a big question and i could. I could talk about the moment today. As i was watching the sunrise and i thought about as for my walk. And god's mercy is new and his love is new. Today is my brother's birthday and he would be fifty nine and he died When he was twenty one and So i was a little girl. When he died he was much older than me and he was my hero and there have just been a october's been hard month because his birthday is today and he died at the end of october. But i looked at The sign and felt the sunshine on me. And i felt god's love and has mercy. That's new today. And i knew that my brother was smiling down for me in heaven and And yeah i mean you know. I think we can look. We can find the love of god it that were just blown away my in in subtle little moments every day if we're looking for him and so there's been other big ones in my life but even today his mercy for for me was new today and to hold onto that and to grasp that and to know that god loves me. is huge. It is huge. It is huge while thank you. Thank you so much for that Well i don't want to take up your time. You are a busy lady but thank you so much for being here today and for telling us about spar i mean i'm super excited about it. I encourage everybody out there to get involved in. Tell us one more time where to go to register yeah. Www dot spark pod con dot com. Okay okay missy. thank you thank you so much. This was a lot of fun. Yeah yeah. I certainly hope to see you soon. Take care take care okay in blows me away that god gives me the message that i need to hear. Every time i record a podcast. And i'm really sometimes not even thinking i'm doing it for myself you know. Misty's example of god's overwhelming love was an example of what we strive for here possibly joy and that was finding god in the every day and she did that. She found god in that sunrise at reminded her of her brother. And her brother's birthday It's it was just quite remarkable. And i love hearing that and i hope you did too. Thank you so much for listening to positively joy. If you haven't already please follow and subscribe to this podcast and go ahead and throw a rating up there for us. Hopefully five star and a review so that missed his message and that all the messages can can go out there to the wide world. Thanks guys we love you and as we always say farewell for now.

misty philip grapevine texas yvette missy Walker Philip blyth daniel blyth daniels flu Alton stephanie Misty
95 | Psychological Thriller | The Push by Ashley Audrain

Genre Junkies | Book Reviews

49:59 min | 9 months ago

95 | Psychological Thriller | The Push by Ashley Audrain

"Weirdo bookworm worms unite. We want to share our love of genre fiction with you. Some readers out there may look down on you for your love of horror sci fi fantasy but not us stop by as we discuss what we've been reading. Hey happy new year halfway through january. No hello everyone. Sorry about the really Unintentional like week off schedule thing. That was completely not planned. One hundred percent absolutely. We had some Someone foreseen but pretty much unforeseen destruction of our entire studio and life that Made it pretty impossible to record an episode last week. Due to some some was standing flood damage for lack of a better way to put it. We had to repair our walls and our floor and it was very noisy and we were basically crammed into one room with like all of her belongings at a wish is not an ideal place for recording a podcast. So we're back first episode of the year. But we're back and you're gonna get to episodes in a row one this week one next week so i guess i should start out by saying it's the new year we're doing all the new year fun things pot really. I did watch one. Cool thing i wanted to share with everybody about was i watched the night. Stocker docu series on net flakes for five episodes. Long fantastic. I really like. I cannot recommend it enough if you are a fan of true crime Yeah i mean it's like if you're familiar with the case you'll learn some stuff and it's also just really compelling it's very moving and It's from the perspective of the detectives that worked the case the night stalker retired ramirez horrendous. Things he did to people and the don't sugar coat it but at the same time nothing about it feels like exploitive and the detectives have a lot of charisma and they have a lot of like Respect for the people he killed and victimized. It's really good. It's really really good. I have not been ingesting. Anything really john related outside of what we've outside of preparing for the show. I definitely have been watching. A lot of slime tutorials on youtube not broadway bootlegs slime tutorial right. That's a code name but that that's pretty much been my my twenty twenty one experience and a whole lot of watching the news. Only we watch a lot of the news these days. You know what you did see. You saw the fly. The nineteen eighty-six the fly for the first time i did. I enjoyed it. i mean. of course. I've watched a lot of things that you've watched for your other shows. Yes yeah but that was kinda fun. Because that's like a mad science thing and lake relevant to your interests and you know i remember. I liked it first. Timer so for our kickoff episode for twenty twenty one we are reviewing ashley. Audrain the polish. And what a push. This book has been okay. Would you talk about the synopsis. For the book i do i. I just wanted to give a little peek behind the curtain on this book. You know we get. We get publishers. Who talked to us about books that we might be interested in reviewing and there's a lot of stuff that we nobody takes us or anything. I think we must have received about approximately three thousand emails about this book from a whole lot of different people There's there's been a lot of push a behind this book. And i'm just going to say maybe for good reason. Oh okay so let me tell you about the push by ashley audrain blyth. Connor is determined that she will be the warm comforting mother to her new baby violet. The way she herself never had but in the thick of exhausting early days blyth becomes convinced that something is wrong with her daughter. She doesn't behave like most children do or is it all in blyth's head. Her husband fox says she's imagining things. The more fox dismisses her fears the more blythe begins to question her own sanity. And the more we begin to question what life is telling us about her life as well. I kinda don't want to say too much more than that. i agree. yeah. I mean you could read a little bit more than that. Not be spoiled. But we'll just we'll just can't leave you. There can leave it there so scott. What was your experience reading the push. This book Is a very difficult book to read and yet remained a solid page turner for me throughout think. Maybe even a better word for it would be crippling. I was just grabbed me and just would not let me go and tell i finished it and considering it's written in a weird mix of first person and second person perspective. Yes which is something that kinda hurts my brain a little bit but she writes it so well that it just makes sense and it grabs you and it makes you kind of feel like you're reading something you shouldn't be. Yes yes i have to say. This is like three hundred and twenty pages of like a word wasted not a page waste and not a word wasted griffin. I loved that tense. Chilling difficult emotional in a lot of ways. This book reminds me of what hole in the woods by jennifer grazer. George bush that we read last year was of the year reminds me of like what that book did for true crime fiction. This kinda does for psychological thriller because it kind of twists it. It kinda puts a new look on it it puts a new spin on it and it makes it like you know it's like this thing that you think you know and then it kind of explode set. It's unique in in the genre. Where a lot of psychological thrillers. They tend to revolve around either a murder or some other like single heraldic event. Yes and this doesn't it. I don't wanna call it a slow burn but it but it's almost written like it like to be a slow burn where it's like you. There's just lots of things happening throughout. Yes that just adds to that level of unease. I should say my my experience has definitely page turner so toback that up to ashley's writing is she knows how to write a page turner. That is exactly like you know there's books that are page-turners and then there's people that write a page and that is totally her. She knows exactly how to write to compel you to keep going and ashiq. Kennedy's is things a little bit. And she kind of suggests things. I don't just something about her writing style. It feels urgent. It feels immediate even when she's talking about muendane everyday things How my gosh this book. It almost hurts my head. It's so good. And it's so complicated. The main conceit of her writing style in this book is that it's written from the perspective of of blythe the main character writing a letter to else right and it's and it's a letter explaining everything that has happened. Everything that has happened In three different time periods that it just between constantly to keep you engaged to keep you on the edge of your seat to to continually reveal more and more information to you the reader as well as to the person. She's writing this letter to. It's a really interesting conceit that works really well and would be very difficult to pull off. If you did not have absolute mastery of your craft. Yes and i want to talk about. I want to talk about characters. More in the spoiler section. Yes but i should say You know we love a complicated character. We love a character where you love them. You're angry at them confused by them. You're hurt by that. You know all at once and she nails that with her characters. She absolutely nails that i challenge you to not have this book honshu after he read it. I have thought about it so much so many times. This is a wonderful piece of themm. Inist fiction as well looking at a woman's place in society how we're kind of forced and pigeonholed and generational trauma and mental illness. And really really complicated themes i keep using that word complicated but it is. Because there's no eight there's layers. There's no right or wrong. There's no black or white. I think it's important to point out and there will be a there will be a trigger warning at the beginning of the spoiler section. But i wanna point out right here that this is a difficult book. Yeah he can be a very triggering book. It deals with some very complicated dark emotional places. Yeah i have recommended this to a couple of people. I know who have kids a couple of mothers and and Who like challenging read because the thing is is like i don't wanna make it sound like reading this book as a punishment because it's not known enjoy. You're absolutely right. Yeah it's a triumph of writing. And it's so interesting. But i think a lot of people of parents i don't know maybe this is like a millennial parents Gen z are not gen z parents. A little young but parents and gen-x parents. They are interested in reading about people having challenges with parenting at about the horrifying stuff. That people don't like to talk about that happen. I talked to about an absolutely can't like like post-partum you know. You know you think of it like that where people just they ignore it. They want to pretend that. Oh everything's fine. And and this book really addresses the weight of being a parent especially a mother and you are right. I don't want to. I don't want to make it sound at all like this is just really hard to get through. Because that's why. I gave it a page turner score. I have no problem giving a great book. A struggle win and and there are books that are meant to be that way. And that's the whole point. This is absolute like thrilling page turner with some very complicated to use the word again messages. Yeah it's hard. I can't think of another word for it but it's just it's like the best way i can put it where you have a lot of thoughts you have a lot of feelings You're very challenged with things that you might have believed or things you might think to be true. I am a big fan. As a lot of people are of contemplating nature versus nurture. And there's my gosh That is like that is one of the things that sticks with me about. This book is a nature versus nurture argument. And i don't know. I don't know which wanted his with this book. I am but it makes you think about both sites that a lot. I don't know if it'll come as any surprise. Based on what i have been saying but i think that this is a massive. He'll book s it's terrifying in a very real and human way which to me is very rare in this Space yes it. Because it's so universal in human in its themes that. I think that this appeals to a mass audience whether man or woman parent or not a parent. I totally agree. Definitely mass-appeal book We're not parents. And i felt so engaged in so compelled. And it's you know we always say you should read books outside of your walk of life always because that is how high become educated a compassionate person. That's bookstore will be really boring if you only read things that's like i can relate to this. I mean you need to see yourself in books but you don't want to just read the same thing over and over again right definitely all different sorts of people. I think could get into this book. Feel moved by this book. Feel sickened and heartened and also you know maybe heard may be seen by some of the stuff in this book spoke. Did make me cry. I'm not. I'm not opposed to cry. Two books that is like probably the thing i cry at the most is books and it made me cry and i will talk about that because it is like. It's triggering in ways that i didn't expect it to be i. I do not cry in this book but it did put me in a state of shock at one point okay. I can't wait to hear at that. Point is well. I mean this book is hard to discuss without getting a spoiler territory so we kind of have to just jump there. I'm so excited. But i mean if you need any convincing. I don't know what more to tell you. I think that if you're looking to be a little challenged and just really compelled swept away and swept up into somebody's life. You should read this book. One hundred percent right. We'll see you over in the spoiler section enjoying the show. Please like in subscribe on twos. You can find us on twitter and instagram at john. Ritter junkies and don't forget to visit the website. John junkies dot com. God where to begin. Let's start with the trigger warning. Hit it all right so this book features not necessarily violence but bad things happening to children features postpartum depression to picture of suicide and self harm and just dealing with somebody in a several people's and very challenged mental state. Yes that you know. it's like eight. That is a trigger warning but at the same time a lot of book still at that. But there's something about the very realistic way which depicted here think about. You've been ward okay. We're moving on. How my gentle jesus. Where to where to even start with this book. We have to start the story of the spoiler section of live and her by their and her grandmother. Three generations of women with mental health challenges. Who are forced into situations by society and by their culture essentially that they are supposed to be xyz way and even though the time changes and those expectations change a little bit. They are still not a one-size-fits-all solution and they all end of doing really up things. Because they are limited in their choices in the way that they can get help with their mental illness and still have to be you know quote unquote perfect for their time. And that's my favorite thing about this book. I think is that is is the treatment of mental illness. You know going down through a family whether it's because you know they didn't actually have their mother figure in their life and didn't learn ways to deal with their mental health or because it was genetic it's set up in the beginning of the book almost like it's this family curse and i was half expecting it to kind of go that direction not necessarily in a supernatural route right but but in like there's just something wrong with his family especially the women. I appreciate that it didn't go to a place that was not real in that way it really was a true story of of mental struggles and both nature and nurture. That's it that's the first time we're kind of confronted with the nature versus nurture is looking at the women in blyth's family You know are they. Are they all bad. Moms because external factors or the bad moms and all are they bad moms because of chemical imbalance all three of them have moments that are very shining and that they are good and that they're not rotten or evil especially ply especially blythe but then it kind of becomes more apparent when we start talking about. Which is we're gonna save her. She's kind of own little nugget little nuggets our own little nugget. I think in the case of her grandmother who starts this whole chain if you will. She heard life her. Her story doesn't start with any like a whole lot. Like any real negative things no no real signs of mental distress until her fiance dies and her fiance dies in a way because he decided to do what her father wanted him to do. A societal pressure a societal pressure which then sent her into a spiral of just kind of doing what she needed to to get by. But she was no but she was not happy and that is something that was created by her environment and she wasn't an attentive parent because of because of that that spiral that she sent herself into. So then that leaves bligh's mother who really had did not have the love of her own mother Which then created kind of a pass down of that of that issue to her daughter blythe right who has a very idealized image of what a mother is. Yes and that's very complicated. And i i feel like that's gosh it's in some ways. I don't know what i was going to say. It's worse than other generations. And that's hard to quantify which generation of women had certain things worse than others. But i feel like bleieved has inherited like you have to make up for two generations yes of crappy parents like you know what i mean obsolete. You have to be better for some reason. Yeah and you know especially her mom. She didn't have a choice. Ish she had to have a kid had to be the which is awful. It's fricken awful and it's like that's exactly what happens when people don't have the choice and they're forced to be parents like that is what happens. It backfires horrendously. But what i love about the way that she set this up with both the combination of the nature and nurture and this kind of almost threat to bligh that. There's something wrong with the women in his family. Which is something wrong with you at your is that you don't really know. Is her relationship with violet because of her because of a a mental health chemical chemical imbalance due to this you know due to her genetics and her her blood line. If you will is it or is it. Because and therefore that's why violent is different right or is all of that kind of just put on her put in her brain by her the way that she was raised in this this line of pressure that was put down on her where she's pushed this. It's all tation. Yeah violet being bad because of what her mother has told her right or does she blame violet because she doesn't take to parenting very well right away. So okay so hold on. Let's can we put a pen inviolate real quick before we even get to violet. There's also there's fox in his family. Which i feel like is a really important part of blood story because besides the crap from her generational trauma fox has a perfect mom. Who is you know. Sometimes i only know it so hard honey and she's a good person and a compassionate person but she's one of those perfect perfect moms and she looks very different than the women implies family and then you have fox fox i feel like is e is a good but ignorant person. I think willfully ignorant is especially important. Yeah that's fair. I think that they both did themselves a little bit of a disservice in this and some people are in love Where you want to be that person's idealized version of something so he really wants to be dad this all leaky wants and she does want to be a mom but she's trying to fit into his mold of family and what he wants and what he thinks family should look like and he is so doggedly determined that he can't see her suffering for what it is. There's definitely choices that he makes as far as you know not. Wanting to give her you know some extra time without violet by not listening to her struggles or encouraging that she seeks help right. That are huge. Red flags and inexcusable will end he also. He cheats on her. He does and which is big not. Okay no it's again. It's because he's trying to find his mommy. He's tried to make you know what i mean. He's trying to be like You are quite right. I'm gonna need someone who's a little bit more like my mom now. I know i'm kind of. I don't have fox but yeah part of my opinion on fox especially right. Now when i'm about is a little devils advocate easy. And i'll tell you why okay because i'm kind of describing my feelings towards fox that i had prior to the last page of the book so i wanna i wanna frame that okay. This whole book creates blythe as an unreliable narrator absolute or at least makes you question if she's unreliable narrator right. Yes yeah. I mean either. Six of one half their questionable. Yeah there is a lot of question. Is this her putting this on. Violet is is violent. Fine but this is this is just what she the how she treats her and how she sees her in the damage that she's causing and maybe this is the way that her mother also kind of viewed things and maybe that's quote unquote. What's wrong with the women in this family are quotes and so and therefore and again. He should have had her get help. He should have been more supportive. But but may but there's there's a there's strong evidence throughout a lot of the book that you know. Maybe this is has nothing to do with violet. And it's not violence fault that she can't connect with her and if that's the case then some of what he does is more understandable like look. There's nothing wrong with violet. Violet is fine. she's great there's on you well. Here's here's the thing. Violet is not fine. Violet is not fine and she does a couple of things that are unquestionably. She did bad. the razor blade and the end of the book. But i don't blame violet. Because the argument is did she inherit mental illness or life. Kind of ruin her see. That's interesting because know blake. That's not in the same way that some things aren't blyth's fall. There's something that we're her mother's fault. The weren't her mother's fault. You know what i mean. It makes you look at because we're used to in thrillers. Things are pretty clear. Somebody is severely mentally ill or somebody is kind of forced to be that way. You know what. I mean like through nature and this does not give you a simple answer. What i what i find interesting about that though is is curious. Did you ever question whether or not violet actually did those things. Yeah i definitely questioned some things from violent questioned how malicious it really was because there were there were points especially like there was a point of the book was hundred percent with blythe and i and i trusted everything that she was saying and she was putting down on paper about violet and then when she started to do the kind of creepy stalker he stuff for. She's pretending to be someone else which is creating this whole relationship with her ex husband's new wife and a girlfriend girlfriend is it made me think okay. There is something like she is. She's starting to believe these things that she's doing like she starting to believe she's this person which which speaks to again more of a writing history a little bit differently than how it works like okay. Maybe she put the razor blade in the bag and just hoped that you know the kid would fight it. Maybe you know maybe she really did not put push the stroller and that was just something that happened or maybe she did it herself. I don't. I didn't believe that. But i was expecting to be something. This big like none of this is true moment. It really was only the very last. That's what she exactly. Yeah it's really only the last line of the book that completely changed like complete cemented and changed my opinion of everybody in the book. And so knowing what i know at the very end that there's something not right with violet. So all of these things that she was seeing and she was noticing were real definitely paints everybody else in a much worse light. I feel like you kind of through a whole bunch of questions at me. And now i have to like find them again so so so hold on okay. I stopped trusting blythe. Pretty much as soon as violent was born. That's first and foremost because live was so disappointed with not connecting. Immediately to her child. She started to really say things that made me upset with her blaming violet as an infant And i know. That's a postpartum thing. And i heard i have a lot of compassion for people who go through that but it is hard to read. Because i'm like put. Yeah but that's a baby this infant as a child that's innocent. You know what i mean. So it's like you have to get a little starting to feel distrustful of her because it's like well she didn't do any she's just she's just a she's just a glow worm right now. So that's when. I started to not fully trust her so then violet starts to kind of do some things like she's a. She's getting older. She's not connecting with blythe. Blyth's fault because life is not convinced that there's like not a relationship there. She loves her and she wants to be her mom sometimes but she's also like she can't get over this. That motherhood is not what she thought. It was going to be so. Of course. that's gonna make violent violet distant. That's gonna make her like weird around her because kids do pick up on that stuff now again. We know something is wrong with violet. But we don't know when exactly it started and how much alive is to blame. Or if it's all chemical imbalance right. I think blade is to blame at least for violet. I think she kind of ruined her a little bit. And and i like live a lot and is still a good person and there's times her when the tooth have really moments in there's time when blythe is really good moments with sam says i'm not anti life. I'm not mad at her. But i mean we have violet weird relationship with her mom southbound fall then. We have the little boy who's hair she takes. That was weird. I forgot about that. Yeah that was weird but kids do kind of weird stuff. That doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be associate path. Those a little weird know. She was a little sociopath but go. Then there's the boy who falls. I still have no idea if islet did that or not. I feel like she did. I don't know i'm six. I'm six one half dozen the. Why do you think she did it. Because i believe that she did all of the things that bligh witnessed because light the tour our. I don't know because because of the last line of the book. Yeah well no. I know she okay so we know she does some bad things. Cutting the hair was weird. That was weird. I feel like everything that blythe witnessed violent do uh-huh and suspected violet of doing i feel like violet. Did so you think that violet did push yesler absolutely. I'm not sure that she did because again. I'm just not certain because we can't fully trust blyth implied thus and even fully trust herself in some moments. She starts to backtrack it. You know and that makes it really really hard because again. If let's say violent didn't push the stroller the way her mother treats her lake criminal is arguably going to turn her into a criminal because the she treats her like. You're a little ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Then that's how she will become. That's interesting enough. But i mean at least that's with the push and by the way i love that. Double triple quadruple meetings. Suck too by the way. It's like push of labor. Push this so then. We have the razor blades. Thick goes to the new brother that is definitely like violet. Went into her room and got them. Yes says a little weird and then of course there's the ending where it but you know there's that whole complicated part like on the fuel trip when we really get a picture into poor little violets mind. No one really likes her and and she's she's so she's so complicated and it's like is. She has a mom that's convinced that she's bad. Did she ever have a chance. I don't know so you so what you're saying. What you're implying is that there is a possibility that most if not all of the things that blythe suspected violet of doing were not true but at the end she ended up becoming who bligh thought she was. Yes that is a really interesting take. Yeah i that's my that's my take and again it or i mean that's a wonderful thing about this book. Yeah very open to interpret. It really is because you can also say we'll violet was bad whether she was made that way air for that way. That's just it's so i ll. It's not because there's lots of nice things about violet to that. Makes me so happy because i you know i loved the way. This book ended just sort of like hammering it home like. Oh guess what you're questioning. It just like everything was true. That's what i took from the ending. Yes and like to have to have you kind of opened up this whole other idea in like deeper reading to it actually makes me love this book even more i know i love i love to and i love it. It could also be that you know blythe knew from the beginning that something was off again and it could be because there was just a trail of mental illness waiting to to come to this conclusion. Also yeah there. So somebody ways to take it and again i i feel like i'm saying mean things about life and i do like blythe i have so so much compassion for her especially when she is. She's trying to fit this mold of this. Mommy like with a capital m right and it's so hard and she's she's putting herself second. Which is what you know. Parenting is kind of like the thing of it is supposed to like give to your children. There's a part of the book that i highlighted in this before sam dies and is where she's looking in the mirror and she realizes that her body is not her own. Her body exists to serve her family though was a brilliantly powerful scene and she could details how her body looks how it's changed and how it serves each member of the family. That's really. I mean that's like the stuff that likes knocks yourself socks up your way because women's bodies are such commodities and at different stages in our lives they don't feel like they belong to us for a variety of different reasons and the mother hood one. Yeah that's big and that's what's even more gross like with that framing in that scene. That's what makes it even more just unacceptable in an wrong that he cheated on her because it is just. It's it's saying all right. Your body gave me these children. Your body takes care of the house and all this kind of stuff and you know weans the children and you know but your body doesn't you know really serve me in that way. The body doesn't serve me that way where you're not quite the mom. I wanted you to beat him. My kids it's hard. You know it does make you not like look at fox in a very good light. You know My gosh is it's so much to unpack. This book is a lot to unpack in every single way and you had mentioned when ply starts to lead that double life. Oh my god first of all it was. It's so unhinged that it's really scary. She bought a wig shh pathway. But it's also heartbreaking and eight because it's like she's desperate for this connection and she actually even though she's not being honest she is being honest. Oh god it just it just. It makes my heart crunch. It makes me uncomfortable and and it makes me mourn four the relationship that the even healthy relationship that she could have had because realistically she was friends with her. Yes shannon on french and they could have you know they could have just been like all right. This marriage didn't work out. You know there's a lottery reasons why You know you how you how you got. There is unacceptable. But you have this. You have this new woman who is helping to raise our you know our child and but we can actually be friends because we actually get along well. We have similar experiences. And what can help each other. And it's a sad. But i mean they were never going to be able to be friends though because fox is already told you know and to be fair like you know. He probably told her. she's not well. She thinks that her daughter killed our son. That's a hard person to then befriends way of is to be like. Oh yeah you think that. 'cause inviolate loves the girlfriend gets along really well with sheep did kill your son she killed. You know that though. I'm sorry i. I feel like i feel like it's i feel like she. Just how fox. Now you can see how he would look at it and be like i know you went there to be a reason you wanted to be a cause that something happens somebody to blame. But you can't just make there be somebody to blame and also you know her whole time if there's something wrong with her there's something with her dow would start placing him against her see. And that's why fox is so complicated all a lot of really bad choices especially towards the beginning of this whole situation. He is not very important good partner. He's not a good partner. He expects her to just take care of reason the children and and and really dude say. Hey let's get you some help. Yes and like the whole getting rid of the the nanny. The babysitter was the point. When i actually really turned him like this is something she needs will but at the same time i got the impression and she kind of said it herself. She also didn't speak up for herself very often. She didn't which i'm not blaming her with that is a it is a societal pressure. And it's a product of her of her mental struggles like that that is actually one of her symptoms. Rate is that she's not comfortable. Speaking up for herself advocating for herself a one hundred percent but that can be very. I can also see why things got to a point where it was broken. I think i think that if blythe had just been able to have a therapist right away right as soon as violet came home or maybe like right as soon as her mother left. But i yeah i really at least for the plot of this book a lot of things would have been very different for this family but kind of saying that is like a joke. It's a little bit of you. Know a cheat. But i mean it's true though because you know. Maybe then she would have been able to advocate for herself. She would have been able to look at violet and be like. I'm sorry this because she she tells violet later in life. I'm sorry i wasn't good enough to you. She apologize and it shouldn't have had to happen that further down the road so the i cried at this book was a weird part. I cried when she and fox have that moment toward the end where they're reconnecting a little. That's the part. I cried in this book. Because i i felt so bad for blyth that her life turned out nothing like how she planned it or wanted to in any way and she lost everything and i just felt so bad for her in that moment That was the part. That really got me and i just like a and in subsequent moments i think i cried again when she was apologizing to violet was the when she was apologizing to violet. That was one of the parts that got me. I'm oh that got me. The most emotionally gummy the closest to tears. The the moment on the porch actually made me kind of angry. We'll and that's you know valid because fox's like oh yeah so yeah i did notice something weird. I didn't tell you about it. That's true about lake crew. You dude yeah like seriously you mean. We could have been talking about this the whole time. Like actually yeah. There is something different about violet. Let's talk about that and figure out what's going on but you know you're just pretending that nothing is wrong and even if he thought that there's only something wrong with violent because of what blight is doing. That's still a great time to. Hey let's do some family therapy. Take this apart like he should have been like okay. That's fine therapy. I feel like i'm kidding. When i say this i feel like this is going to be our new like our new thing where it used to be. Wow this whole plot could have been solved if people just talk to each other but now it's like this whole thing could have been solved if you just talked to at their pets. My gosh but she a lot of people who who for various region yeah not only internally but externally and this is a perfect example of both. She has no. She has no encouragement from outside. Yeah or any experience from inside of seeking help right and he's like just be more like my mom it's fine and then there's oh when she takes violet to go see her surrogate mom her neighbor. Mom i mean we could have a whole other. Podcast is talking about her relationship with the neighbor. Mom at really poignant beautiful stuff and she's so guarded she so guarded for variety of reasons. And that's again. It's not a blame thing but it's a reason thing. Do you think she ever even told fox about that woman. I don't think so no. I don't think she didn't. I don't think she did either. She kind of made she's kind of made a point of saying in the beginning like i didn't introduce you to my family. I didn't introduce you to nearly knows how all of my friends like. I did like everything was you. Yes and it's again. It's a reason and it makes you feel for her because it's like in. She didn't give herself a chance but nobody else gave her a chance. Either so you can't really blame up so you blame everybody. I think one of the one of the powerful messages to take out of this book is that blame is not helpful or important in s. Yes there's a lot of blame. And i'm using air quotes that can go around and at the end of the day if everyone is to blame then no one is to blame. It's just it's just awful and at the and really who to blame. Is societal pressures. Yes one hundred percent is the things we do to ourselves and each other one of the things too with the you know when she kind of goes back to the the stop sign. Stop light and she tries to like recreate it and she can't quite do it quietly guy in the cafes like yeah was a terrible accident you know what i mean is. It's like no. I mean like he might not have necessarily have been able to see. Violet pushed the stroller if she did push the stroller She did she did the stroller. But it's like she she wouldn't adult. It's i can't even. I don't even know where i'm going with this. But you know what i mean like. It opens up that window again of like. Maybe there's not somebody to blame me. Bad things happen because life. Sometimes bad things happen. Yes but you know maybe five. It was jealous. Maybe wasn't happy and she pushed that that stroller. She was asking all kinds of questions about traffic. And all that but you know sometimes kids also just do stuff to see what happens. And that's not like a good thing. You know what i mean but you know like you tell him. Don't touch the stove nausea so touch the stove or they stick of fork in a socket. They eat the tide pot here. Five years older shareholder old. She was like you don't understand what what death is. You don't understand right that kind of stuff. You don't understand a consequences. Yes exactly and that happens. I mean if watched a lot of true crime things about killer kids and stuff too and sometimes they know what they're doing and sometimes they don't quite know what they're doing like i mean she could have been totally finally tripping that kid good. I don't like how gets hurt. But she meant for it to be this cataclysmic event. It's very interesting very interesting. And i mean poor. I mean poor poor everybody or everyone board violet. Now she's going to be. We need to talk about kevin. I think violet belongs in prison. Personally i hope that her step mom advocates for her to get health and maybe fox finally somebody your haters to women in your life now hussein. There's maybe something wrong with violence. Maybe there's something wrong with violet just saying and maybe there's something me fox be nice to moms it's hard takeaway be nice to everybody. Life is hard when you're human beings to moms. Believe them listen to them. Get them help or even if you think that. What they're saying is not normal behavior even more reason to just get them help. Make them feel heard and get help for yourself when you need it. S if there's if there's anything we can tell you on on a daily basis if you need help please seek it out just your jonah junkies get help. We can help gets help okay. So how many sleepless nights out of five. Oh my goodness which he give this book Gonna go i go i i give this book. Four and a half. Sleepless nights had a five. I appreciate and i love how open to interpretation. Everything about this is and yes. We said nature versus nurture lot. We've complicated a lot. We said challenge a lot shot. Yeah and it's because you know sometimes spokes have to come along that really push push you out of your comfort zone and push you to think about things on not just an intellectual level but an emotional level Ashley is an incredibly talented writer. That really gets how to write humans to really gets how to write women that really gets had right compelling compelling work. I can't wait to see what else she does. This book made me think so much and this episode has made me think so much more. The book is written a writing style. That i never thought i would be able to wrap my head around and i did and i loved it and i want to see more examples of it I m giving this five sleepless nights out of five. I want to break the rules and give it more and give it six because it came as such a surprise to me and it did things that i have never read before myself and did it in a way that that felt perfect perfect tomato. Let you convince me. And we'll going to give her the rest of the sleepless night five out of five sleepless nights there is no sleep ususally michelle sleep and that's just gonna make your mental state even worse. 'cause you're not getting good rats. I hope you all are ok after this episode in reading this book But if you're not turn on your little nightlight and please just keep reading past your bedtime. Thank you scott. Thank you sandra wall.

blythe blyth turner Violet Audrain fox ashley audrain blyth jennifer grazer toback ashiq ashley John junkies fox bligh fox fox Stocker ramirez john Connor
NCBA Updates- Talking With Elanco

American Ag Today

05:45 min | Last month

NCBA Updates- Talking With Elanco

"Jesse allen here for the american league network joining us. Now chief sustainability officer with a landco dr sarah place and dr place appreciate you joining us here today. The kenley district invention. Thanks for having me. I know monday evening. Getting things going here at the convention. Orlando you guys had a great panel discussion. Talk a little bit about that. Just to start. And i know kind of looking at sustainability in that conversation here in the beef industry. Talk a little bit about that The great panel guests have monday evening. Yeah so link. Oh pulled together. Some really excellent folks and looking at a cross section from from producers right from a cow calf pretty sir perspective and w lines blyth to more of a full value chain perspective from dustin hearn in from rabobank an analyst and then consumer perspective our our own ceremony house with blanco has which sharing some of the research that we've recently done in some focus group information in the myself from the technical side and the science side of what is all this mean right And even you can hear from that lineup. With a panel right is it was a wide ranging discussion and it does cross all those different aspects. Right there's the real day-to-day boots on the grounds concerns and opportunities right at the producer level. All the way to. What are these corporations talking about. How the new policies and other things you know. What is the landscape. Look like from a consumer perspective all of that. It's relevant in this topic of sustainability. Well let's talk sustainability. Let's talk first. The concern side and i know some of the research you've been doing. What are some of those concerns out there. Regards to sustainability in the cattle industry. Right now yes. I think we we know right. We see headlines in media stories that are a lot of them are focused on climate change right cattle and climate and that connection and so consumers seal about as well bright and so that does ripple down into you know. Hey i've heard about this. What's the industry doing. And what we what we see in some of the research just at a high level from that perspective is that people wanna know the how right they wanna just know that you're addressing it. They don't expect anybody to be perfect but they wanna see how those things are are happening right. And so that's key in the real world back to that influences how people make decisions about purchasing right and they wanna feel good about eating beef because they're probably eating beef because it tastes good writes good eating experience. It's a part of their their family situation right or a barbecue or whatever it may be and so they want to feel good about that that purchase that they make great and that has implications for everybody in the whole supply chain right because those are the dollars that are entering in that everybody is giving them now on the flip side of that opportunity. What what are some of the opportunities out there right now when it comes to the industry in sustainability. Yeah so i think really the key opportunities. There is thinking about you. Know okay if that's the framework of how we're talking about this and it is about that the end user in those consumers right. What are those ways that we can one. of course. that's been set for years right. Tell that story better but really make it real of this is how we're addressing folks concerns right and advancing the industry. I think there are opportunities there and that was something that came up right. There's there's probably going to be new market opportunities so we'll merge to right not just the way that we thought about sustainability in the past of. Hey heck a lot of these things that we could do are going to be. Things are gonna probably make more money right from cost efficiency standpoint right but also are there ways to capture more value create more value in this space of sustainability as well. Since there's there's that subset of consumers that are really interested right for sure. And i know some of the things as well. We're watching closely. Obviously is different things with climate regarding sustainability. And obviously the drought. Right now and the western. Us that's a huge topic. Here at the cattle industry convention talk about some of what land co. What you guys are seeing with that. and how. That's affecting sustainability here in the short term and even in the long-term yes. I think that's multifaceted right. And that's that's a great example of climate or just how land resources are managed. It's always kind of a double edged sword right and as we think about the cattle industry of cattle industry can help and be good land managers there right and it's incredibly important when we think about managing ecosystems and maybe avoiding some of these these more catastrophic right wildfires for example but they're also definitely impacted by it and that's that's one of those ways of making that connection right and talking about how we're doing things differently And and making sure that people realize that it's it's both sides of the coin of you know we're in agriculture were definitely impacted by any sort of changes in climate and climate variability floods. Fires all these different things drought. And so that's that's part of that way forward as well as building in that resilience. How do you deal with. Oh shocks right going forward and still produce food for people because that's the end of the day. That's what we're what we're doing. Definitely dr to place any other final thoughts. You have force Here today just looking at sustainability and the efforts with the landau. Yeah i think the key thing is know linka were. We're committed to this in knowing that this is a big issue that our customers are facing right. And whether it's providing education and providing support from a from a standpoint of hey telling that great story of what producers are doing but also from a from a products and solutions perspective right at the at the end of the day right. The key message year always has to be that sustainability is about economic sustainability. i write economic viability. And that's that's where we really view our company of helping is that hey. Our products are things that are going to be things that are help your bottom line. Probably going to be right for the animals and in doing so. It's going to be right for the environment right because efficiency is is a key part of of doing things better. So that's really the key thing of you know we're walking alongside of our customers. We view this as a as a group effort when it comes to sustainability without chief sustainability officer with dr sarah. I appreciate the time today. Your cattle industry convention. Thanks so much thank you.

dr sarah Jesse allen dustin hearn rabobank american league blyth blanco Orlando linka Us
Minisode 10.1: Back When(A Poetry Moment)

The Knowing Place

04:28 min | 11 months ago

Minisode 10.1: Back When(A Poetry Moment)

"There are few things that are worth having that are free and anchor is one of those things if you haven't heard of it. Here's the deal is the easiest way to make a podcast but anchor isn't just regular free is kind of free that comes with great podcasting tools that allow you to record an editor podcast right from your phone or computer anchor even distributor podcast for you on all the major platforms like apple podcasts. Spotify anymore you can even make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need in one place so if you would download the free anchor app or go to anchor dot. Fm to get started. Happy podcasting Giddy me beautiful people book. Their nine face podcasts. I'm your host chuck chuck smith at if i was a bit restless tonight saw figured out share some of my writings with you. One of my poems here that i wrote years ago. It's called back. When i see you the night time sky far out of my reach your was made many years before i ever beheld amazing because of you i can see back in time back when life was simple back when playing outside all day was feeling when not liking. Girls was delayed and be you fight with your best friends and call them the same night. See what was up for the next day when everyone you love was still alive back when your heroes idols. Were only a phone. Call away back when cursing in front of grownups. Was the wrong thing to do beck when your mom was friends with tap your but when you gotta lie back when twenty five cent we'll get you a coke back when marijuana was scariest dope back when there were no microwave back when you only so cell phones on tv back when all your favorite shows hat cartoon characters as a star back when there was no call waiting back when you had crushes on your teachers back terrorism neighborhoods mean dog was loose back when loves real and we said how are you and you made it back then. Life was beautiful inspiring. One of my cathartic poems is writing. Not sure what mood house. And when i wrote it but i guess you could hear it. In the words they're a static appraisal ones doing woah. Please check my youtube page. Nine blyth email me. At t knowing place edgy. Mel dot com check multi spring store our links in the bio. I've got forty percent off through sunday. Use the code forty off number forty off. Get forty percents discount. I thank you all for your support. I'm praying for your health and wellbeing have healthy thoughts. Healthy perspectives be encouraged peace

chuck chuck smith Spotify apple beck forty percent blyth Mel youtube
Peter Phillip: 2020  What a Year!

By His Grace

34:46 min | 10 months ago

Peter Phillip: 2020 What a Year!

"Well friends we have made. It is the end of the year. Twenty twenty and this is the final episode of the by. His grace podcast. I am so glad that you are joining me today. We're gonna do a end of the year. Kind of recap talk about our feelings from this year and i have invited my Mazing has been peter philip to join me. He is the one who produces the by his grace. Podcast and is does a lot of the technical things for my websites. And all of the things that we do and and he's my best friend and Just my leader in my encouraged. And so. I invited him on the show today to talk about a recap of twenty twenty so peter. Welcome to the by his grace podcast. It's nice to To come out from behind the equipment and get in front of the mic. So thanks for inviting me. I'm so glad that you're here. I wanted to just start off and talk about some of the highlights from our year. Because wow what what a year. Twenty twenty has been quite a year and you know it started off for us and for me in particular lee. Pretty amazing Because you know in january we we. We had january things going good. We were in full preparation for the spark podcast conference. That's when we started to hear about this virus that was happening And we were a little concerned like what what's going on there But we kept plugging away preparing for the spark conference and then spark was just amazing We had standing room only in the hotel that we rented and we just saw. All of these podcasters come together to be encouraged It was pretty amazing. What did you think spark yet was an incredibly gods. God's blessings were all over that thing because february twenty first and twenty second was when we did it and to have rented a space paid for got it already not knowing that by march fifteenth or so the united states started locking down so there was a lot of things that didn't go off for two weeks later and three weeks later and This was just an amazing event. You know nearly two hundred people showed up and it just went off so well. There was such a spirit of collaboration and fellowship and just an eagerness to to learn more and be involved like i've been in my career to hundreds of conferences. Many many conferences all sizes. You know fifty people very intimate private conference for like an executive retreat. And i've been to seven thousand one hundred thousand person conferences. And i've never seen them have this level of just fellowship intimacy. That occurred here right and in that was sort of the what everyone was saying the whole time as well it was like i can't believe it's like this. I not like this. You know new people people who are in the podcast hall of fame that were there and said this was incredible. Like i've never experienced this and that's what was really neat about it. That it was it was so different. So i mean i know you don't want congratulations but but it. None of that would have occurred. If you hadn't been the powerhouse. She were to get that going. So i really congratulate you on making. That thing happens so well well thank you. I also think that it was the spirit of god the holy spirit you know when you have all of these believers that come together for something. That's that's larger than ourselves in that. That common bond that we share. I think that that was a huge part of just the atmosphere And how cool is it that people who wanted to start podcast were equipped to do it. Once the world fell apart and that that to me is just amazing. I love how god sort of went even before me on not only the conference but in creating what was next for me which was the rocket podcast community which was an online podcast training community. And the fact that we started that in the middle of the pandemic gave podcasters a place to go and so when we couldn't leave our homes we could still encourage one another and encourage people to start podcast to grow their podcast So i just see his hand if faithfulness through all of that. Yeah absolutely it was. It was definitely providence right. It was it just it. It worked so well. It looks like we had it. In retrospect of except we had amazing foresight. It's like let's do this so people can do it from home they can for everyone is going to be locked down. A podcast doesn't require an office. It doesn't require you to go out and You know be face to face with people's zoom in those other online video conferencing capabilities allowed everyone to interview people continuously. Or if you're solo show. They can start their show and it was sort of the perfect time because everyone else was stuck at home. What else are they going to. They wanna listen to something they wanna do. You listen to podcasts. It was a tremendous time to start and do that. Both from the conference standpoint especially the the online community where you created the ability goes training joined masterminds watch videos like all of. That was such a perfect timing really impressive. Yeah god Is just so faithful and even with you know one of the major things that happened right after the pandemic started you lost your job and were caught up in a downsizing and you know that was a huge That was a huge event. And i think in our car analogy we could have gone. Oh crud But instead you know you especially we're like misty god's got this like none of this has taken him by surprise from the pandemic to the job to all of the things and i think just seeing his hand of faithfulness and how he provided for us during that time and just seeing you exercise your faith. That was amazing to me. Is your wife because you in a time. Where a lot of people were becoming afraid Just about the pandemic in general. I just didn't have fear because of the way you handled that whole situation. And then god provided you with an incredible opportunity to work with some amazing people and that you never would have had that opportunity. Had you not Left your former company. So yeah left. So that's that's the holy spirit. Saying time's up and that's what i love about. How all this worked. Like i i would not have done the the things that happened would not have transpired the way they did if i had just stayed where i was right and god said i've got new things for you. I've got great things for you and the ability for me to spend so much time to work on your stuff and help you right. I m my time was doubled my time so that i was able to to find a better job right. He delivered a better job to me with better people in a better place and he did things that if you look at it look back in and we. We spent the next ten minutes just describing the things that happened right like. There's none of those things are supposed to happen when you I was an owner in this company and and the contracts for ownership say they have three years to pay me my ownership out which means they take my money and take three years to pay me on trickle out these dollars and they. The company had to stay afloat so they started cutting people left and right and And i got a call like two or three weeks later from the owner the ceo and he said hey. I don't want to make you wait three years. Do you want to pay out. By friday. On tuesday or something and i was like Yes please i'll take that. But that's just god saying i wanna double it a multiplatform you again and oh by the way. Here's a really awesome unique job. Matter of fact he suffered three jobs. And i had to turn to down and pick the one i wanted. That's god's abundance right. I didn't just in the middle of the pandemic. Millions of people being laid off means people whose job and so that that abundance and that the generosity was just unbelievable. And that's why i had that you know what he's got like look what he's doing like look what he's doing like i'm gonna. I don't want us to this boat. Let him drive and he has got this. You know he's gonna find this waters. I'm just gonna drive us into in the waves and that was just incredible but one of the best things about that probably is that he doubled my time and being able to support you into all you need to do to get this thing really to where it needs to be right. There's a next level there. And i think i feel like he's still steering the boat in a direction where it's going to be you and are full. I want that. And i think that's where it's going but i think we have to be patient and say you know and your time god and your time so it was a pretty incredible yes. It was a hard year. And there's a lot of things. I could talk negatively about but if we look at it in that respect. It's an unbelievable blessing cities giving us. Yeah so i want to go back for just a second and pick up where you left off you know. I started rocket with another partner And and you were a silent partner in that and and that partnership did not work out. But even i can see. God's blessing in that that he cut it off before We were tied together and that he brought the same week that the partner left me in in a difficult situation because i was preparing for a large conference at the same time. He brought us bailey. Done i mean she is just a ray of sunshine and so for every difficult thing. I think that we went through like we could see god's hand of blessing and i think that's just such a great lesson for all of us no matter what we went through this year whether it was losing someone dear to us battling coded Losing a job if we can keep our eyes fixed on jesus throughout that situation and just trust. I love what you just said. Because he's the one that you know. We think that we're in control but really we have a just a little tiny bit of control. And he's really the one who is steering the ship and i think we can take comfort that in that especially in a year like this where everything seems to have gone wrong in so many respects you know and if we focus on that but instead if we just focus on his sovereignty and knowing that none of this has taken him by surprise and that if he's allowed this to happen in our world that something good can come out of it because he works all things together for good yet trying to control. This is division. i normally have which in you've heard this before trying to steer in control your life is like trying to squeeze water like you can. If the harder you squeeze the more is gonna slip out of your hands like you can't do that. You have to be humble in have humility and say this is just guide me. Lord like he wants to. He wants to steer us. He wants to ghitis. In the more we try to force our own path the more it is thorns and mud and quagmire and darkness. Let him light the path that it's easy paved in. It's a different path. They're not always. There are ups and downs and this year is a proof of the fact that god will give us what we go through hardships. But you know it could do analogies days here like st. You know hammer out a sword by by gently talking to it and then brushing it with a feather duster you got a hammer it with a hammer and forge it into dual. Our life is the same way. Sometimes we have to be hammered. Him forged and to go back to your daily. Like if you want to see. God's blessing manifest and that beautiful young lady is like the distant incredible busek and then i signed with the blyth daniels agency for my next book which was another in credible blessing and unexpected And i'm so excited about The book that i'm working on. And what god's going to do with that book and the lives of of people and so that's just another really cool thing. I think i've been busier. Probably in the pandemic than most people remember seeing some social media post about people just hanging out and cleaning their closet and You know i was like who has time for that. But i think one of the things that i tried to do as we went into lockdown was tried to keep our life as normal as possible so continuing to exercise and kind of stay in our same kind of normal routines. I think that helped a lot. We were Communication with our neighbors and with the people that we were working with the community so we were We still had a lot of fellowship. And i think trying to you know for our mental health. I think that was really good. Just trying to keep life as normal as possible. A from the day of the philip families didn't change dramatically. We tend to be very home-based people right except for a year and is amazing date nights or the kind of stuff we do as a couple right to still pretend like we're twenty two which is fun but our kids life didn't change at all pretty much right. I mean we were already homeschool family. We did a lot of home things together. Our officers at home you know for the last ten years. I've been home three days a week. Anyway i mean my. My life consisted of taking class to lunch. Pretty much was the gist of my To simplify it tremendously. But i mean that was what i did was a lot of lunch and come home and we spend time together and we. You know w- for us. I mean it wasn't a huge impact on us from a some people had a very dramatic change. I had friends who had a really hard time with not being gone from eight to five you know and they all of a sudden we're thrust into their family which is a very sad indictment on couples in in life in general for a lot of people that i know that this was like gosh i can't with my family. All day and younger people with younger kids had a more. Can that would be more difficult. Yeah they have the ping off the ball. Wall like racquet ball in the court. This was it can be difficult but our kids were older. Self-sufficient daddy had their own thing going. You know ian started his own company in the van democrat was gonna mention that like he graduated from high school in twenty twenty. Like hello grudges. A world is on fire and what an incredibly confusing time and you know. He came to us and said. I don't really want to go to college right now. And so i encouraged him to try. Podcast editing. Because i know he'd worked with sound files for a long time and i know he was really good with it and he did. He launched his own company and has several clients and he loves it and is a really good space right now. It's it's it works out really well and connors just had more. Compressed us time right. So i don't know if everybody who is aware of our connor. He's our special our special son and That's a that's a episode in of itself for sure but Just suffice to say he's been very happy that we don't leave and that we're home with him fulltime and it's been really really good for him in many many ways right. That are probably more than we can discuss in this in this timespan but for the for us for the phillips to change was actually it was negative in some ways just from a from you needing social contact and outside and then a lot of your friends and people have businesses and you were helping them and that was kind of hard because the way the economy was crushed but from our family intimacy and being able to do what we do. It was a tremendous blessing because we were just horribly different. I mean we spend twenty four hour period. We tended to spend around eighteen hours together every day. But i think the one thing that was different was we got back to some of our old ways so when our boys were young we did a really good job of Disciple and being in the word together as a family and praying and as the kids got and everybody was busy. You know we still did that. But not with the intensity that the pandemic brought. Because i think we were all longing to hear from god and to be closer to god and so when you started doing our family devotions every night and you know i knew that it was something really needed when even the boys were asking for it. You know if if we missed a night when you're nineteen year old son comes and says are we doing our devotion whereas out of ocean like dance music to your ears right there. Yeah and and. I'm sure a lot of people just you know it's like you said You said it's like gods you know happened on the tablet on the mike sang lou. Are you hear like listen to me. And i think he got our attention in some some pretty big ways. But i want to shift the conversation a little bit to talk about the by his grace. Podcast and i'd love to know because you listen to every episode because you are you know doing the production of it. What are your favorite episodes from this year. i should these down probably I can't sell them stretching back and we talked about this the other day actually So right off the top of my head liam zany was tremendous like she is just a gifted intelligent woman who really speaks truth and our podcast was amazing. The episode was just tremendous. I loved it. I love lianne so thankful that that was a that was a gift You know the community that we developed over the pandemic and leeann being one of the people in that community has just been one of the sweetest blessings of this year. And i loved her podcast. She has a podcast raising christian kids. And that's her mission is to make sure that that kids have a solid foundation in christ so that they are You know that they walk with jesus and That's that's such a great mission. Well let me tell you a couple of mine. So one of the the ones at the beginning of the year that really impacted me was kristen. Welsh just released a book about faith that can move mountains and that was a kind of a surprise blessing to have kristen. Welsh come and speak the spark conference and it was not something that i had planned or that was even in my province but something that the lord put together within like the last week or two before the conference and between between that experience and then she launched a book and just the subject matter of her book and the journey that she's been on of going to kenya and Just being heartbroken by what she saw there. And how god's used it in her ministry with mercy house global that really impacted me. The british gentleman australia australia. Yeah well actually. He was british British believed in australia after. Yes robert. that was one of our recent episodes. That was ferguson from hill song church. Yeah the. He's been a pastor for over thirty years and story teller. And i knew when i was interviewing him. I'm like my husband's gonna love this episode. Probably he could Have a conversation with him because it was just That was a really neat conversation. stephanie roussell. The gospel spice. Yeah good really good. She her stories just awesome like it was a really great story so that that podcast was compelling. I stuck to that. One tremendously being an atheist and coming to america and being taken in by a family who just loved her and didn't beater over the head with the gospel but just shared love of christ with her. That was another really great episode. It was twenty twenty was pretty legit year. So yeah it's kind of like when people ask about your kids you know which. Which one do you like the best. I like them all but for different reasons. That was really fun. Having stephanie plaka on the podcast because of it should be a stand up comedian so she should but but you know having a friend like that that i've been friends with for over twenty years to come on the show that was really fun. interviewing blyth and her mom helen because they wrote a book together. That was a fun one to interview. They were they were neat together. They are and and just the fact that they are writing together is just so sweet to me. They're they're book. Mended is on mending my mother daughter relationship. Which can be so difficult. But they're just so sweet together. And and i would love to see families working together like that. So i like the e said about god's faithfulness. Because i think that for me is just the theme of this year even when it seemed like the whole world was falling apart. God has been through it all. So i want to switch gears a little bit and talk to you about the year over all. What are some ways that you saw. God move This year you know you talked about earlier. I made this joke. But i made a reference essentially which was you know god has been talking to the world a lot and i think world just didn't listen and we were drifting farther and farther away and then finally got said. Excuse me i have something to say. He really kind of walked up to the mike and said i got something to say. And if the world didn't listen he decided. I'm grind the world to help and i'm not saying you know god caused the virus like the god takes guy puts his machine in motion and uses the opportunities that are there to talk to us whether we listened to not as a our own peril and choice but definitely saw him move in the world's took a step back from. Here's an here's a sort of tangential references. The sale of board games increase ten thousand percent. You could not buy a bicycle. Walmart had six month lead time to buy bikes Outdoor yard games like badminton and volleyball and all that stuff sold out for like forever. Like you're not going to be to get it right. Yeah and and that tells me that people like screen time and the isolation of being in your phone and away from everyone else in the world the phone let you be in your own little bubble and families rediscovered families. They like they were home in. Oh my gosh. What's this thing in the middle of our kitchen. Oh it's a dinner table. It's all sitting around this and eat and talk as a whole new concept right so bringing bringing families back together and having intimacy in time. I think that's the that's the blessing in this storm right. That's god's saying hey y'all are related. Let's all talk to each other. We let's talk about this and and people seeing that there's a bigger picture than what's in your face and what's in your head and what's in your week right and and and and understanding about for your fellow man like that really. Even though they thought charity charities were hurt but the act of individuals helping individuals increased like it went up exponentially so food delivery and people bringing supplies to people and supplying close and helping others out. And there's story after story after story of look at your fellow man realize you know the world is not just about you right This is not a reflecting pool that we can steer into forever. And and i think the blessing that god help the family rediscover the family. Yeah number one thing. I see that beyond all else and the second is that it made us cling to him a lot more. We didn't feel like. I don't know if i can do this myself. Like maybe i should talk to somebody i need. I need the top top floor please. And so that. I think is of making us realise how much we need him. And andrew seeing the holy spirit in the world. Like i've never seen it like. This was an incredible year. The things that happened undeniable. What happened in the world at the holy spirit was moving even though there was there was death and there was suffering and there was loss and there was tragedy and it seemed like you know this the royal flush of bad hands for the year like everything's jesus warned us before he left. You know he said in this world you will have tribulation sure and he decided to stack it all between twenty and said you know what i'm gonna compress all there's in the one year and we have a week left and you know who knows what's going to happen maybe a comet or two or you never know. We're almost out of twenty twenty. But i think. I think you're right that he did promise us. We would have trouble being believers a greater gift and i think some people are seeing what that looks like. It's not this world. It's that world and i think people are starting to take notice. Yeah wow that's really good. Sweeney moving forward with the podcast into year. Let's talk about you. Know looking ahead into twenty twenty one. The by his grace podcast is going to change a little bit. Because i started this podcast to go along with the struggle israel but so is god bible study when i launched that and and now that that i'm working on my next book i'm going to change the focus of the podcast a little bit and i'm excited about that and i'm excited about what god is going to do with the whole new season of guests and topics and we're going to talk about Following god and listening to god and chasing our dreams because even in the midst of the storm. When we're in it. We need to keep our eyes on. Jesus and in this world with jesus we have an abundant life and so even if the world around us is shaky We can still have dreams and desires. And i love new beginnings and new starts you know. I'm a starter. I love to start things At like fresh and shiny and new It but it just gives me so much hope of what can be and so you know. Our world may not change very much in in comparison to to what's going on right now but at the same time. I feel like there's a newness about it and that god is doing a new thing and so i know a lot of people are praying for revival. And you know that's the best thing that could come out of This pandemic is that people would come to jesus. Yeah i agree. One hundred percent and i see that being a thing That the growth of of that of revival in in the united states. We are definitely being battled against. But i still see it We just need to make it takes park in europe and send it kind of around the world. that'd be nice but about the podcast. You know if i'm speaking from my side and from a technical clinical side of this podcast can consist of a lot of things and there's many formats in many ways to do it. There's no right or wrong way to a podcast and so your season one and season two. We're really about getting really neat and interesting people to talk to and talk about how god's moving their life and and delivering a message right and so now i feel like we're it's time to level up is the right word. But it's sort of evolved. The podcast now to is kind of like when you watch a television show in season one is really great. And you're like man that was good and there was some stuff about it and season two. You're like yeah that was good. It was really good too. And i really hope. There's a season three and season three comes out and you're like wait a minute. A whole new ark. It's organized there's a trail and a path one and two were just a bunch of one off events right but now there's this big big arc the has to occur and and that's the season. That's where i see what we're going. Where every month we're gonna do an art. It's kind of like sermons when you have just you come to church. And there's just a random sermon but then all of a sudden we're going to do a series that series is twelve part series on romans or colossians or whatever. Picks up the revelation. And you're like. Oh my gosh. This is great can break it down. We're going to go through it and we're gonna talk about architecture. The whole i feel like this now. This new season is going to be an arc season. Right got everything is planned out. It's you know if you're if you're an avengers fan this is the thing does arkwright. We've we're going to start with. There's a whole thing you're going to see from beginning to end and if you don't like if you've never heard of that and you don't know about that. Don't worry about what you're going to get a really neat arc in in twenty twenty one for the by his grace podcasts. Where it is all ridley. They are all related. They all cover a topic but that topic has underneath it. Many many topics that umbrella but in the end they are all tied together. And when you look back at the end of a retrospective show in twenty twenty one and you're going to go. I see how this is all together. And that's what i'm excited about is how that's going to be that the yeah a much cooler arc season i think yeah i agree i i mean i can already see the progression from when i started the podcast in the hotel room at. She speaks in those original episode seniors. By the way you fifteen people at once one day. That's pretty darn good. I remember coming back and you saying. Aren't you going to do something with those podcasts recorded. And i'm like. I don't have the bandwidth to right now we're going to have to wait But then it's perfect timing. We launched january first so were only two years old. But i can just see this huge shifting and growth with me as a podcast and all of the things that i've learned and when i teach people i tell them the same thing like you don't even hit your stride until you're twenty episodes in just start just do it But yeah. I agree with you completely. I think now that foundation has been laid and to see where god's gonna take it next It's just amazing to me that we are that we have listeners. All over the world and we're reaching them with the word of god and encouraging message messages literally to the ends of the earth. And so not just my podcast but with the podcasters that we are encouraging and helping in teaching and training their voices are being heard around the world and to me is doing something amazing with the medium of podcasting. So i'm excited about the future of by his grace. But i'm excited about christian podcasting and what's next for it agreed so talking about the world's stash your way over one hundred countries. I came to the number. Now it was a lot more. And there's countries that if you were just a blogger these countries would never be involved. They would never have seen you. Write as john in nigeria. In mogadishu like these are places you are not going to get touched but there are people who are listening right. They are hearing this message. They're hearing the gospel in a very dark place right where. Christianity is not supported or outrightly hostile towards christianity. But you're delivering that message. And that's and i always get. I'm always excited. When i'll see maybe on an afternoon i'll look at your numbers at four o'clock then i'll look i'm an eight and i'm like hundreds of people listened in the last two or three hours like how does that. It's very exciting to see that it's being delivered everywhere and and that's the encouraging part is a god can use that us what you do use your voice use your message and that be through this medium of podcasting and the holy spirit sparking people around the world they listen and they get inspiration or they get a word or they get some scripture that changes their day or changes their life. That's amazing part about this. Well i think that that is the perfect place to shut this episode down. I just want to thank everyone who listens to by his grace. Thank you for my birthday. Reviews I don't know if we've we've hit our fifty eight reviews or not but thank you to everyone who listened to an who rated and reviewed the show. Thank you for sharing Sharing is caring. That really helps the if a episode has spoken to you Then it may speak to somebody else to so we just appreciate all of our listeners and we just are thankful for for you. You're the reason that we show up at this mike every day and so i just wanna Just say thank you to you and just pray that you have A blast new year. And just know that no matter what is ahead the god is with you and that he is faithful and that he is there to see us through. Thank you for joining me today. On by his grace. I hope you've enjoyed listening. And are encouraged by our guest. Today i would love for you to visit my blog misty. Philip dot com for more encouragement. You can find me on social media as misty. Philip and i would love to connect with you there.

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The Courage to Pursue Relational Healing  Ep. 56

Faith Over Fear

30:48 min | 5 months ago

The Courage to Pursue Relational Healing Ep. 56

"Hello and welcome to the faith over. Fear podcast where we attack our most pervasive fears with truth because life is too short for any of us to live enslaved. We are passionate about helping. God's children live in freedom. We would love to chat with you online or on social media. Visit our show notes to learn how to connect with us. I'm jennifer slattery. And today i have literary agent blight daniel on the show and she's going to be speaking about taking courageous steps to seek relational healing. And thank you so much for joining us today. Thanks so much jennifer. I'm so excited to join me today. Blind is a literary agent and a marketer with more than twenty years experience in publishing. She's written for proverbs. Thirty one ministries focus on the family and escape christian retailing and she links bloggers with readers through her agencies blog network. She is the daughter of dr helen. Mcintosh who co-authored her latest release and she lives in colorado with her husband and three children. Well i asked blyth to join us after reading her book. Mended a courage to pursue relational healing. And it takes readers just through a journey of personal evaluation and through healing healing of relationships. And it really outlines like outlines a lot of what you and your mom. The journey you guys went through correct. That's right it is. It is the journey that my mom took with her mom and gaining healing even though her mom never asked for her forgiveness so that was an intentional pursuing of healing. My mom's part and then how we as mother and daughter pursued healing in our relationship. And just really in our family line. And so i love that. You'd like to talk about healing because it so important for us to be healthy and to pursue healing so i love this topic. Yeah i think it is important. I think a lot of us really long. Four biblically sound grace based content and my daughter and i went through a rough patch in her late teens early adult years and i remember just searching for sound material and i really struggled to find some and i really think it was actually god's gift to me that you and i we we had a conversation and next thing i know you handed me this book and i've referenced it a lot actually and i've i've mentioned it to others but i think a lot of us are looking for tools to help us to really build into our most cherished relationships and to bring healing in areas of imperfection in areas of hurt whether that's with our children our parents with our siblings and our spouses and so for our listeners who are trying to navigate broken and estranged relationships. Today's episode it'll act like something of a continuation or the next concurrent staff if you listen to episode thirty two titled the courage to reconcile so hopefully this will provide some next steps for those relationships and then for for those of you who are like you know what we've got some underlying tension in our relationship. I just don't understand. And i'm not sure what to do. It then hopefully will just keep you some things to think about. And maybe some tools to kind of process through so blythe in your book in mended. Your mom began her. Stir story by discussing some of the pain from her past which involves taking honest look at her past hurts and her family dynamics and how both of those things impacted her present and i imagine it to courage. It did and you know. She was pursuing a degree in counseling. When some of these things came up for her that she realized that she had not necessarily looked deeper and and she became a christian. When i was born so That just drove her to scripture and then she was getting the counseling background and so it really got. It used her background so that when she became account so she really could identify with some of the broken. Isn't some of the things children and adults go through you need to address and so from a biblical standpoint and a an educational standpoint. She really really had a lot of courage to go. And really i mean she would say to that and maybe some of the listeners would agree that out of our pain it it typically can propel us to gain health. It can because we've experienced something hard it can. It can actually be the path that we choose for a career or to start a ministry and so you know. I just think there's so much that we can learn but it takes courage to go there absolutely. Yeah and i think just to the perseverance. Probably to work through it. And i think we all even those of us raised in healthy loving homes. We tend to react from hurts and from past experiences. And and sometimes our behavioral patterns are healthy right when our parents modeled effective conflict resolution skills but other times it can be really unhealthy like if we may be learned to avoid tough issues to people. Please speak words of criticism rather than life. And i loved your quote on page. Twenty nine actually highlighted underlined it. And you said living your president like you did. Your past is often limiting the joy of freedom that is yours through the work of christ. So i'm pack that for me you know. I think that what i recognized is that we can be really limited by our past and we can stay there but there has to be intentional shift that jesus has provided for us to love people the way that he loved. And that if we don't take that intentional ship week and just follow the trajectory of our family patterns and so there really needs to be this conscious decision to say you know what i don't have to live in a family or direct my own current family. The way that i was parenthood of the way that i wasn't parented and so it does take some hard choices to to lay down either. Happened or didn't happen in your family. And how love was either expressed or not expressed to you. And so what i really wanted to share with. That was just that we aren't supposed to just muscle through that. We can receive disability to love others based on how jesus loves us and he's given us that ability to care deeply for others. In fact i was just reminded again. I was reading scripture that we are to love our neighbors and good. I think more highly of others more than ourselves and that is a technical does fall as in times isn't it just like honoring other people. Even when they've wronged best we are still to honor them into loved him the way that jesus did. It doesn't mean that the things didn't happen that those hard things didn't happen but but scriptures really clear about considering others even more than our own needs and so. I think that's what we're doing. In a relational health situation is to go and know that this happened. And i know that this person has needs that i can't meet but i know that i'm to love them as i can and ask jesus to take over and give me what i need to be able to express love and sometimes it's even choosing to forgive that person even if they don't ever ask your forgiveness which is also to do but helpful. Yeah tough and freeing at the same time. Yeah well and i think many times we don't even realize some of our ineffective and maybe even harmful behavior the other night. I was speaking with someone from a rough background. Who had learned to say what needed to be say to be said growing up in order to survive the situation and so then as an adult she was trying to have strong healthy relationships and finding that this this behavior that worked really well that kept her safe and helped her survive in. This situation was causing problems later but sometimes it takes time to kind of unpack into even recognize that were that were doing those things it does and you know one of the most courageous statements that i have said to even my children is. Where do you see that. I've hurt you aware. Do you see that. I could do this better. Because i know that. This doesn't feel good right now for either of us and and then two to receive their words back in a spirit of. I know that i can do better here. And i know this. Feel good and i think sometimes just acknowledging that things don't feel good between you. It's just really healthy My mom is a counselor has has shown to just that it's really healthy to address. What's taking place Saying arm relationship just doesn't feel good at as you referenced earlier jennifer the our relationship fills there's something strain or we're just not quite right because it tells the other person that i know thanks art as good as they could be but i wanna go ahead and just recognize this and then let's work towards. How can we make it better. Just simply acknowledging not is something that i've learned from my mom because none of us are perfect and we don't do relationships perfectly so it's such a a lesson in humility. Isn't it to go before another person and admit that we didn't do something right or that we didn't act the way we wanted to act. Where can we can go from. Here what can we do to make things better yet. I think that's even inviting. We all have our own perspective as well. Like i know when when my daughter and i began packing some of the tension in issues between us. We had heard that neither one of us intended and that we had kind of interpreted through our own lens and we had to talk about that and sometimes it does feel frightening in the moment. Because you're like why didn't mean to do that or you know that's just the way i am or and so just having the courage to pull back and say well i want to hear not always what. My intent was but How you received love that. You're so how old are your kids. Actually if you don't mind sharing your absolutely semi my oldest is thirteen. And then i have boy girl twins that are eleven so we're at this really critical age of of them starting to be more independent and having to take more ownership of their thoughts in their actions and mom not step in and try to solve those things for them but as i watched the way that my mom was treated when she was to say you know that age it. She was very much ridiculed and very much felt like she didn't have what it took to be a young adult. And i don't want to communicate that to my kids that they need me to make decisions for them or they aren't able to do things well and so a big thing that we've been working on is just. How do we handle mistakes. How do we handle win. Something didn't go right in their schoolwork or their personal life with a friend. Or and then. What role do i play in that. Because as they get older and letting that rope out right further and further and those times can be tension filled. You know. We'll just expected you to do that. Can say to that to them. But they haven't learned those skills yet so it's a tricky time to communicate but i've a relationship person. I know you are to jennifer. Relationships mean the world to meet more so than anything else that i do or that i'm about and so if a relationship feels you know full of just awkwardness. Or there's tension there it just crumbles my heart and i have to learn how to not let that control my thoughts or my day however my emotions around that Because i i love and value relationship so much. But i can't let those things determine you know my outlook for the day or my outlook in life. I think it was. Maybe your mom who wrote the said we're responsible for bumping someone else's cup but were not responsible for wet spills out and i think that could be super confusing knowing that line. That's so true because when my mom with her mom would get angry at her she would say you make me so mad and the truth was whatever happened between them. It was what my grandmother came spilling out of her The figurative cup. That was really. The issue wasn't my mom. Mom might have said something or done something that caused her to stir but you know we are only responsible for what comes out of our hearts what comes out of our mouths and if someone tells us this is your. You made me this way or you did this to me. And and so we really are only call to take responsibility for our thoughts and our actions and words. And that's hard to do as you said because as christians oftentimes we can say well. That's just not loving of me to say that i'm only going to take responsibility for my thoughts. I should be loving her. And taking ownership of the person. That's how jesus he met others and he loved them through everything and and yet we know that that can lead to some real co dependent relationships which we also talk about in the book. Because we don't want to go too far to the other side where we're taking on that person's issues and making them ours and trying to fix them which is so dangerous and so so hard to refrain from trying to be there exit person bet but we want to be in. Charge of our relational health. And there's things we can do to move closer to someone else. A mother daughter sister father. Whoever it may be but we can't take on those things that only they can deal with. And so what i like to do with that is to really ask god to help me. Like an all sometimes. Even say. God i give this person to you a hand them over to you because then i recognize that i'm not holding on to that person or holding onto that relationship too tightly if i can freely say i'm gonna give them over to you and i ask that you fill in those gaps and you take them further. You take care of them. I can't do that. And that helps me to do that. Literal handing over to god. That's a great idea. And you know. I wonder too. So as your mom just went through her unraveling. Did she ever share what that was like for her. Like just the the in inner. I wanna say inner turmoil as. She's kind of going through journey in and unpacking. Some of the things she experienced she ever share any of that with you. She did. I think a lot of it was the verbal attacks of. You can't do anything right. You can't even cut up right. You can't even wash the lettuce right. you know. you're no good. Why are you wearing that. Like it was a lot of verbal put downs and so as a young girl she just internalized that thinking that there was something horribly wrong with her that her mother couldn't love her for who she was and so as she got older. Her mom liked things. A certain way in my mom didn't if mom veered from that pass you know her mom would just rage and what that told me as a young girl. Witnessing some of this was that there was a certain way of doing things. And i probably had some level of fear of the future. This is happening. Now what would things look like in the future. Is this going to be our future. What will my family look like my my parents. My brother and i like will this. Be the pattern that we experienced but the rest of our lives and and so. I think there's a certain level of we just need to go in and say i don't have to experience what i've seen other family members experience like. I can start new right where i am today. I don't have to adopt those behaviors and so my mom was really careful with my brother and i grew up that she would come test. And say you know things like. I know that we didn't get off on the right foot today. And i don't want that to to stand between. Can you please tell me where you think that i went wrong. What i said like shake. She asked for feedback so that she could make make better whatever it happened between us and i love that approach. Because it's it's not a verbal put down. It's an invitation to conversation to say. Hey where did things go wrong. I can tell that things didn't start off the right way today. Where could we have gone. Differently. And i just think that's so important for either another adult or a child or a sibling to hear your heart of wanting to look at how things could go better instead of accusing and saying this didn't go. Well you did this and you did that. You know it's so healthy. I think to be to have this invitation to explore where you are in your relationship and that's the way. The heartbeat of our book mended is to do those invitation invitation conversations. That's awesome. Did that ever feel so as you guys were kind of just working through those things. Did you ever worry. That may be. Okay if i if i kinda poke it this thing here. Things are going to just kind of blow up like sometimes. I think it's hard in relationships. One of the reasons we don't address the underlying tension or those hard things is were maybe afraid of a tipping the boat or or. We don't know what's underneath the tension and maybe we're afraid of unleashing. What we don't know exists. I think you're right. I think that sometimes it's hard to be honest with ourselves because we sit some sort of shame that i should have done this or i could have done this better or somewhat responsible for how my mom my dad or my husband who. It may be how they're responding to me. I'm i'm to blame so we take on a false sense of shame When really maybe we bumped their cup and what came out was their issue but we somehow took it to be our our issue. So i think sometimes there is that sense of i. I have some responsibility in this. And i feel shame over it or like you said i think sometimes it's hard to be honest with another family member or a close friend that you have some sense of tension with because we don't want to rock the boat we don't want to see what's underneath because we fear that maybe things would just get even worse and i hear a lot of times women say i don't think i could even go talk to my mom because things are bad and it could just explode and so there's a sense of like i've i've learned to to deal with where things are even though it's very uncomfortable and i fear that if i go further and try to address things it could just get even worse and and that's a difficult place to be. I would say to the person that's in that place you know. We don't have to solve every issue when we go towards the other person we can simply start with a no things. Aren't the best between us right. Now what would you. What do you think it looks like for us to have a better relationship like you could even go to the most recent exchange that you've had with someone and you don't have to go back years and years to every single thing and name it but starting where you are today you know one of the one of the conversations that we have we offer some conversation starters in our book and you know one way to address this is even say i want us to have a good relationship but we do have a problem. That had believed that we can make a repair. You know what what do you think we to do to make things better so just acknowledging that you wanna have a good relationship there is some broken nece there and by asking the other person you know. What do you think we could do to make things better. It's giving them a chance to speak first and then give some input on that. So i think there's a way to move towards the other person even there's years and years of history in in probably dysfunction or disagreements and we have to remember that we don't have to go back and address all of that we can and it's really healthy to just go in and just admit that things are tight. Things are difficult and start from there. I think that that seems less overwhelming. And i think it's really good for the other person. Because they don't wanna hear all the things in dredge all that back up and i think there'll be time later on to address more specific things but it's i think healthy to start where you are and i'd like one thing your mom said as well about when you don't know what to say just saying. Hey i don't know what to say here. And i think that sounded very freeing like you're not avoiding the problem. You're not presenting a false picture of health because that doesn't feel feel right but but you're also not forcing yourself to address something that maybe you haven't fully processed through. So i thought that was a really great way to kind of hit pause and your one thing. I was thinking as you were talking to. Sometimes i think were afraid to have those conversations because we place judgment on our feelings. And i'll give you an example so my daughter's twenty three. She's newly married. She was an only child growing up and she and i are super close and just a lot of transitions that she's working through and our family has adjusted. Our family has just had a lot of adjustments overall as well that have impacted her and i was sensing in her sending again. Just some of that tension not really necessarily like we had any issues but there was something i could send in. So we're having a conversation. And i noticed her voice catch and that's always a clue to me. I'm like okay. Wait a minute. There's something there. So and i just kind of listened as i listened to the. Why shouldn't feel this way like i should and i'm like why. Why are you saying you shouldn't feel like you're going through a transition. You're basically grieving. What was and moving towards what is and and it just hit me that she'd been navigating this for a while afraid to have a conversation with me because i'm afraid is the word i think maybe a little. I think we're afraid that people are going to judge us right like you shouldn't feel that way. Fear of and then also putting judgement on our feelings. I think so too. I think fit. Sometimes we've been told we've been given those absolutes. You should never do this or you can't say that or and so i think if anytime our loved ones veer from that i think they feel this weight of well. I know. i know i'm not supposed to do this. I'm not supposed to and it's healthy. I'm so glad that your daughter said something to you because you caught onto that that she was under some obligation to not have a certain. And i think it's so freeing and we've been talking about that but it so free to just be able to lay everything out on the table and be able to say this is what i'm feeling. I don't know how you're feeling but this is how i'm feeling. And and here's a step further is an. I want to ask your forgiveness for any part that i've caused you to feel this way because it's it's it's really to me keeping our accounts current with each other so even if we don't think that we've done wrong but maybe we've been a little bit you know. We can still take responsibility for that small part and i when i go to my kids and have said i want to ask your forgiveness for how i spoke to you today. You know they may not be thinking it's it. Was that big of a deal but in my heart. I know i've done everything. I can to not create any roadblocks in our relationship so keeping the account clearer and that just creates and promotes health for bigger things down. The road is that they've seen that. I will take responsibility for the little things and hopefully the big things too. So i think that's what you were doing with your daughter and i love. I had asked my facebook community. Just their thoughts like as far as moving towards increase relational health and one person had mentioned how. It's hard if you acknowledge something that you did. And then people don't respond well so like let's say my daughter had came to me and she said you know this is how i'm feeling and i came and i came back to her with criticism or judgment and i think that can be hard and i think that can be sometimes what keeps us from speaking out but the one thing i kinda thought is processing through that when we go back to that cup analogy. We don't have to own their reaction if we've done what we know is christ honoring I think so too one of the biggest things that my mom learned that i've learned as well is that we need to release our need to be right in a relationship and as overachievers and people that want to be driven and do the right things all the time we have this sits this need to be right and i think that's one of the things that i had to learn to let go that i can be just as loving in a relationship and to see that i was wrong. In addition to releasing are need to be right in a relationship. I also think that it's really good. When we can ask to give feedback people to say are you. Okay if i give you some feedback on what you just shared or are you. Okay if i make a suggestion because it's so honoring to the other person and you would ask them if it's okay for you to share something it doesn't feel like you're just zooming in and giving advice but you're asking is it. Okay if i share this with you I just think that's so important that we can honor other people by asking if i share this with you so that we aren't just assuming that they wanna hear our advice. That's that's big especially between mothers and daughters. Other close relationships is for us to not feel like. We're just advice givers but we need to be good listeners and good ask questions absolutely and i think too if we sense you know when when you talked about the need to be rights or sometimes we have that gut reaction that rises within. I think it's good to hit pause and say what's really going on. Why do i feel the need to be right in this situation. Or why am i so anxious when you give advice. And and sometimes i think will find. I know my daughter. She said when she was a young adult. And i would give her advice in. She would push back or tense up. She told me later because she felt like she was failing. As an adult and so my advice to her just confirmed and so i was really pricking her anxiety. And if i had known that i would have pulled back and address the anxiety. Instead of trying to give to give the advice i wanna end with. Probably what i think is one of the most important aspects of this is inviting. God you know being honest with with god in this journey and i think sometimes that takes courage as well. It does because sometimes we can think will god could have given me a different family. I could have been born in different family. How did he allow this to happen. Or why is he allowing this to happen now. You know god sees my pain. God sees the difficulty. That i'm having couldn't he have taken the out of the situation so i i always think about the fact that we we make choices and sometimes people make choices that affect us and god has such the ability to reach in and provide healing. But we have to be willing to go to him. They got a need healing. You're and aknowledge what we're asking of him as he's so delights in giving us what we desire what he sees as good for us and so we live in a fallen world where difficult things happen and none of us into it And you know scripture reminds us too that it's not win but it's it's not enough but his win the troubles come the tribulation and that jesus will be with us. We aren't in this alone and so when it comes to relationships. I just like to think that restoration with other people was never meant to fill us. Only god can fill those places of our hearts that long restoration that long for things to be made right again but we can certainly do everything in our part to pursue that. The biggest piece is asking him. God show me what you want me to do in this situation. God can you break through here and provide the restoration that i need in this relationship. Can you give me the relational health that i need and so s a lot of prayer but i tell you that's what centered me in the ups and downs of relationships and difficulties in in disappointments is to just say god what would you. What would you have me look at during this time. Got what is it that you want me to see and give me the strength. Like i know that you're with me but i need to see you tangibly in these relationships and in these situations so a increase prayer life is certainly something that i think goes a long way and sometimes we'd everything but pray right. I'm guilty of that too. Sometimes we talked to friends and we talked to spouses or others and and yet really needing to go father god and talk to him about it. Amen well that is a perfect way to end this episode. I think is just reminding us of where our power lies where wisdom lies. Well thank you so much for joining us today. And her and her book is called mended restoring the heart of mothers and daughters put. I'll put that in our show notes. And i hope today encouraged your. I hope it gave you some things to think about. If you haven't already done. So i encourage you to subscribe to this podcast and then you won't miss a single episode. Make sure to rate it. That helps others to find it and encourages our team as well and share it with your friends until next time. May you live as one who truly has been set free. Hey everyone thanks for listening to faith over. Fear production of life audio and the salem web network. If you enjoyed what you heard today we'd love for you to head over to your favorite podcast app and leave us a review to learn more about slattery or to check out any of the resources. She mentioned in this episode just head over to her website. Jennifer slattery lives out loud dot com or check out our notes. This episode was produced by kelli givens and edited by steven sanders. A special thanks to our executive producer steven mcgarvy for more faith. Toolkit podcasts like this just head over to life audio dot com.

jennifer slattery blight daniel dr helen jennifer blyth Mcintosh blythe jesus colorado facebook Jennifer slattery slattery kelli givens steven sanders steven mcgarvy
Chapter 8 - 2001

Light House

33:15 min | 1 year ago

Chapter 8 - 2001

"It's a basic truth. People need each other. It's why Penn Fed credit unions. I members joined together for a better financial future for eighty five years. We've been there for our members and communities and we're here for you today. We can help you bridge a financial gap. Save wisely. Make confident decisions with your money. We know we are always stronger and better together. That's why we hope you'll join US membership us open to everyone apply today, Penn Dot Org insured by NCUA. I'm Katie couric. I'm Bozeman Saint John I'm an award winning journalist and I'm a trail-blazing marketing executive, and we sound kind of full of ourselves, but together we're hosting a brand new podcast to help us look beyond our pandemic presence. It's called back to Biz. With Katie and votes, each week will interview the leaders and big thinkers in industries from Tech Education to fashion and pop culture to find out how they're adjusting to this new way of life. Listen to back to Biz with Katie impose on the iheartradio APP, apple podcasts or wherever you get your favorite shows. Lighthouse is a production of iheartradio and Bam for productions. The man in the hat had a name. It took some time, but after I witnessed division of his death, I returned home and began to research we was. Spurred by his tragic demise I wanted to get to the bottom of why he was there. And perhaps see if there was anything I could do to help him. He may have haunted my childhood, but I could ease his suffering in any way and release. The darkness is hold on him. Perhaps I do the same for leany. I wasn't there for her as I should have been in life, but perhaps in death I could change that. Record keeping wasn't a forte in the early days of the lighthouse apparently, but with some diligent work and persistence with bureaucracy at townhall I was able to find him. The men in the hat had a name and his name. Was Alexander Blyth. Alexander worked for my father's family. Before my father was poor when the Hollis's built lighthouse on the bluff, taking over the land that lighthouse keeper lived on, they also built a small apartment within the lighthouse itself. While the lighthouse was still in operation, the keeper also acted as the groundsman for the property. Alexander Blythe was one such groundsman. He worked hard for the homeless family for a little over a year. His family living in the modest apartment in the lighthouse from what I could find. He was a good honest worker who loved his job and his family. The hall is seemed to like him as well. According to the newspaper reports I've found. He unexpectedly sent his young daughter way to visit his brother one summer. Stay later on that night. He murdered his wife and then took his own life. I thought back to the photo of him lenient. I found all those years ago within the dark room. It was dated nineteen twenty nine. The same year. He hung himself inside the lighthouse. Who Knew How long he had known about the darkness within the House before he had no choice but to do what he did. When the photo was taken. Was Mind already made up. After I saw the man in the hats death. I did not see him again outside of Lighthouse for some time. Perhaps because I had learned his fate, or because I knew of his history now. He stayed away gave me a bit of for once. But when he did appear again. It was to take everything from me. But that came later. Before that. Came something else. Lighthouse. Chapter Eight, two, thousand and one. I left Lighthouse on that day in Nineteen ninety-three after my sister's suicide, and seeing the death of the man in the hat knowing full well that I would have to return. My mother needed help. Confined to a wheelchair and addicted to the bottle, she was unable to do much for herself. Lighthouse was big. Too Big for two people when my sister was still alive, and now that she was gone. It's fastness was going to be lonely for my mother. We hadn't spoken much since she said such hurtful things to me, but I still wanted to help as best I could. Using what little extra money! I had I hired aid for her. At first, she visited my mother only twice a week, taking care of essentials, and whatever odds and ends needed to be done around the house, but as the years were on, and my mother became less and less capable. The aid became a full-time companion for her. When the century turned into the year two thousand, my mother became ill. We thought it was simple cold at first when the aid called me during a weekly check in, but as the weeks were on, and she didn't get any better, it turned into something much more serious. Her years of drinking and neglecting her own health had taken its toll on her. My mother was dying. Her kidneys were failing, and because of the condition of her body and her age replacement was not an option. The fulltime aid turned into a live in nurse as she required constant care. I wanted to visit, but any time the subject was brought up. My mother refused me. The nurse thought it was just the pain and agony of her predicament and treatments, but I knew that wasn't the case. My mother just did not want to see me. Of course I was sad and heartbroken about it. The spider strained relationship. She was still my mother and I loved her, but deep inside part of me was thankful. Thankful that I didn't have to return to lighthouse to face. It's ghosts. And thankful that once she was gone, I would have nothing tying me there and truly wouldn't have to go back ever again. I hated myself for thinking that. In the early months of two thousand one. My mother took a turn for the worse. She was put on hospice care, and though she remained steadfast on not wanting me there, I had to see her say goodbye. I never got a chance to do so for Leney and I regretted that every day. Who wouldn't make the same steak from my mother? Sarah the live-in nurse met me outside when I arrived a welcome sight, compared to what usually greet me after only speaking with her over the phone for a few months. It was nice to finally meet her in person. Are you hungry. She asked making her way toward the kitchen. I was just about to make some lunch and I'd be happy to make some for you. I told her I starved and thankful for the invitation. As, it turned out Sarah delicious tomato soup complemented by grilled cheese sandwiches. My mother couldn't handle solids anymore. She explained so it was mostly soup to heap up her strength while the sandwiches were solely for us. We ate mostly in silence for a bit until Sarah got a strange look on her face. Can I ask you something. She said looking unsure of herself. Of course, I told her as I. Put my Sandwich Down Sensing what she was about to say. This is going to sound silly. Have you ever seen anything in this House I mean? I was unsure of how much or little to tell her with my mother on her final days. Maybe even hours I didn't want to send this poor girl screaming from the house. Let's just say that lighthouse has seen its share of inhabitants over the years some of which didn't leave. She smiled nodded and laughed little again. I've been around death long enough not to be surprised by much. She said, but sometimes this. How surprises me I like your mom, but. I'll be glad to be con-. Nothing more needed to be, said an unspoken agreement place between us. I hoped for her sake that lighthouse did not take a hold of her like it did most others and that she could leave the place. Sarah cleaned up dirty plates and went to go check on my mother. I needed to brace myself for seeing her. So I went outside for a quick walk around the grounds needing a bit of fresh air, he was nice out there different than the stuffy feeling within the walls of the House I walked toward the bluff itself the ocean, looking strikingly gorgeous that day with the lighthouse off to my right, the view like postcard. I looked up toward the beacon. Hoping I would not see it. Light up during my stay anxious to stay far far away this time around. On the opposite end of the bluff standing on the other side of the lighthouse was the apparition of the sailor. I sometimes saw wandering the grounds I. Only ever had one bad encounter with him when I got too close to him as a child, and he bellowed like a roaring ocean, he mostly kept to himself, staring off to see much like he was doing now. The sunlight shone through him, giving off the illusion that he was glowing, he looked almost peaceful as if an eternity spent tied, here was of no bother to him. He turned to look toward me, and the serenity was ruined by the appearance of the gaping hole his right I used to be. Though uncommon on the east coast I silently pray for an earthquake to loosen the ground around the bluffs, sending both the lighthouse and him sprawling into the ocean, never to be seen again. I was brought out of my daydream by Sarah here. Call me back from the house. My mother was likely waiting for me. Back Inside Sarah was taking care of some laundry and directed me toward my mother's room as I ascended to the second story, it dawned on me that I hadn't been in my parents room for a long long time since I was a little girl. Heading there made me feel like I was getting in trouble. In a way I was. My mother, even on her deathbed. Sure to tell me how much she didn't care to see me. I reached the top and turned the corner to the long hallway where her room was located. Even outside the doorway, I could hear the various apparatus inside keeping her alive. When I turn the Knob an open the door, I was taken back by just how many machines were in their? And how little the woman in the bed resembled my mother. Dominated, on each side by large medical equipment, mother looked small and fragile, tucked into the bed, her skin was sickly, yellow, and her facial features look sunken. Her eyes were open looking in my direction, but I was unsure if she actually saw me. I carefully made my way to her bedside, trying not to trip over any of the assorted wires on the floor, pulling over a chair to sit next to her. I faltered before reaching out to grab her hand. It was like holding onto a skeleton. Nothing left but skin and bone. She turned to look at me for the first time I entered through his seemed like she truly saw me. Her grip tightened in my hand, and tears welled up in her eyes, catching me by surprise. It was very rare show of affection. Tara. She managed to say her voice a raspy whisper of what it once was. So. Glad you came. The tears came for me as years of pent up emotion released in that instant. Hi Mom I, said holding her hand tighter. So happy to see you. She smiled at me before the happiness in her eyes became sad, there was already a gauntlet of emotions I was running through at the moment, all of which were unexpected, so I wasn't sure what had happened. Instead of asking I leaned in to hug her the type of embrace. I had not enjoyed with my mother for many years. She returned it his best. She could, and she cried in my ear. I'm so sorry. She whispered holding me tight. So, fairy sorry. Confused I moved back to look at her and asked her what she meant. For everything, she replied for pushing you away for treating you so poorly. It's okay. I told her completely taken by surprise by this admission. I wasn't the best daughter to you. It wasn't that she assured me. Not at all. I was trying to protect you. I wasn't sure what she meant by that. And it rendered me speechless for a few moments. Protect Me I. Asked from what. The House. From the darkness that lives here because it's coming for me next. Lighthouse will return after these messages. A career in application development at Gd it means owning the opportunity to impact the preparation of our nation for the future join DDAT for challenging work that advances your career apply now at Gdi, t dot com slash careers, GD is an equal opportunity employer disability veteran. Now back to lighthouse. Not once in all my years, living lighthouse were even after did my mother ever acknowledged the darkness that called it home. Not once did she ever let on that? She believed my sister or my cries for help or safety from the man in the hat, or the made or even the body hanging in the tree I. Don't know when that changed or how long she even was aware of the things going on here, but it was surprising to hear minute when she was laying on her deathbed. My mother told me things she had wanted to for years, but never had the courage to. Despite her flaws in her own shortcomings, my mother really was trying to save me. She didn't let on as to when she first noticed the darkness and what it was doing. But she was aware for her. It wasn't the man in the hat that haunted her, but rather the servant that I often saw in the spare bedrooms upstairs. And the made from the kitchen. They would appear to her when she was alone and most vulnerable, she tried to ignore the most times avoiding looking in the direction, but sometimes she couldn't help herself. They. Both taunted her and their own unique ways. She told me she would sometimes check on us at night while we were sleep in our beds, and one of the two specter's would often be by our side, leering at us like a Predator eyeing its prey. Other Times? They would simply stand in the darkness, watching her with wide eyes, she admitted that the made was the worst as the blood streaming from her eyes, gave off ghastly appearance that was too much to handle. She even heard whispers in the dark of the night, especially, when lying in her own bed, sleeping next to her father, she never knew for sure if he was talking back to them, but it terrified her all the same. At first. She believed it was manageable. She loved her family and her husband and she thought she could keep it all at bay because of our strong family bond. The first time my father hit her was when she realized how wrong she was by that point, it was too late they had spent most of the inheritance money on paying off debts and were stuck with nowhere else to go. She did her best to keep my father's ir off of us and focused on her for the most part. She did a good job. But knowing that she spent years directing his rage in her own direction, so my sister and I would be safe from. It was almost too much to bear. She told me that she kept that up for as long as she could, but as it to take its toll on her, she turned to drinking. She had watched. It consumed my father much like the darkness had, but she couldn't help herself. It helped dull the pain and take away or bad thoughts. She had no idea how caught up in it. She became the night. My father went mad. We had to kill him was the night. My mother knew we were cursed cursed with darkness in the burden of Lighthouse. She was stubborn. Though lighthouse was her home, it was supposed to be her new beginning our new beginning, she would stay in defended as long as she could. Keeping the darkness at bay for as long as possible, and she knew that leaney was trapped to her allegiance to Abigail and the fact that she had killed, our father told my mother that part of the darkness had already worked its way inside of her. I was different. She saw that I had fought back against the darkness unconsciously or not ever since we moved into that house I still headlight in my soul, and my mother recognized that. She wanted to get me away from the house needed me to be safe. Because in her eyes, I was the only one of us that still had a chance of surviving the darkness. She did the one thing that she felt she had to do in order to save me. She pushed me away. Looking back on everything it made perfect sense, her constant coldness towards me or parading of my actions when we did speak did create a distance between us effectively breaking down a relationship I had admitted as much already that the distance between my mother, and I had been a reason I kept away from lighthouse all those years, but learning that it was intentional on her part that. That it was not out of hate, but out of love broke my heart. They spent years mad at her for treating me that way. If we only talk sooner tried to bridge that gap between us than maybe just maybe I could have saved everyone a lot of heartbreak in the long run. Maybe I could have saved my sister now I could have even saved my mother. She told me not to think of it. That way told me that the past is the past, and while she did regret hurting me. She didn't regret keeping me safe. And now as she lay dying in front of me, she wanted me to know the truth before the end came I wanted to take her from this place. Take her somewhere else, so she didn't have to die in the place that had ruined our family and consumed her soul. She refused. She was stubborn. She still saw leaney's ghost within the house and she didn't want to leave her alone. She also had her own private battle with the darkness at the heart of Lighthouse one, I had never known about, and she wanted to fight it. Until her dying breath. And perhaps even death. She could keep it at bay for someone else. I loved my mother. In that moment than I ever had before. It off of me and I knew she could feel it. She looked alive again full of life and ready to face the world, but that soon more off. And she grew week again. She kissed my hand and told me she needed to rest. She was tired, but she asked me to come back later. I didn't WanNA leave her side. Especially after everything she revealed Sarah came into the room, declaring that it was time for my mother's medication. She escorted me out so she could do her job and thus I was left alone in the hallways of lighthouse it again. The rest of the evening was fairly uneventful over dinner. Sarah continued to fill me in on my mother's condition. I was polite, engaging in the small talk to make conversation with the woman who had taken care of my mother over the last few months, but I was an invested in what she had to say. I was too busy thinking about my mother and her revelations. I want to see her again that evening, but she was still too weak to talk again. With nothing else to do decided to turn in for the night felt strange to be back in my old room yet again, but thankfully I managed to fall asleep fairly quickly. I awoke in the middle of the night to alight filling my room. I didn't have to open my eyes to know what it was. The ghostly beacon of the lighthouse shining bright once again last time. I felt it. Call out to me. But this time. I felt something was wrong. And uneasy feeling sat on my chest, and it worried me. I sat up looking around for any sign of trouble, but found nothing. My ears perked up as I heard some sort of mournful cry. My younger self would have just thrown the blanket over my head, wishing the night away, but now as a grown woman had seen, and had enough of what the House had to offer I wasn't going to back down I got up from the bed, throwing on a pair of slippers and my door. The hallway was dark and quiet. The only light coming from the Phantom Lighthouse behind me. There is nothing in sight here either. But I did notice that the door to my mother's room was ajar. I heard gentle. Sob again and realized it was coming from that direction. High Sprint down the hall toward her room and threw open the door. My mother's room was dark home. Almost to dark, she laid still in her bed. Her Eyes Wide Open as a fixated on the ceiling, another cry emanated from her throat and I thought she might be dreaming, but as my is adjusted to the blackness of the room. I could see that we were not alone. It blended in at first, but now I could see the different shades of darkness hovering over my mother. It was the shadowy thing. I watched bulge from the wall behind her bed, stretching it to unheard of proportions as disengaged itself from it, it made a sickening sound as it did so the wall snapping back into place like an elastic band. It's nebulous shape straddled her dark extensions of itself, acting as arms and legs, holding her down her already fragile body couldn't do much to struggle against. It leaned in close the place where its mouth should have been trying to draw in her final breaths, her body seized beneath it I ran to her side, and tried to push it off anger rising inside me, but my hands went right through it. It looked in my direction, and one of its limbs lashed out at me. Striking me in the chest, knocking me to the. The floor I tried to regain my footing, but it helped me down turn to my mother and sucked in again. Has If take what little life? She had left in her again. Her body seized convulsing under its spell high struggled to get up, but its strength was too much for me to fight against I tried and I tried, but I could do nothing but watch. And that's exactly what a wanted me to do. To Watch. As it took my mother from me. Just, says it had taken the rest of my family. The shadowy thing was enjoying this. As she drifted away towards her final sleep. My mother managed to look at me and show one last feat of strength to save three small words. Love you. This enraged the shadowy thing as it went in again covering her face completely pulling the last breath from her chest, her body spasm for only a moment, her back, arching upwards before dropping back to the bed. She was gone. Seated and satisfied the shadow, let go of her and turn back to me I. still struggled beneath its limbs pressure pushing down on me. There was no clear face to see within. It's darkness, but there was an impression of something there some sentence that knew exactly what it was doing if I didn't know any better I would say. It was smiling at me with Spring. Voices filled my ears becoming so loud that they were deafening within the small confines of the room, the shadow thrived off of them, growing larger by the second creature of mighty proportions. Coiled more limbs around my body, squeezing the air from my lungs, toying with me the nebulous shape where it's face should have been continued to smile as it came for me right before everything went black. Lighthouse will return after a word from our sponsors. If you're wondering how police brutality got to be so bad now police became so eager to shoot. You Might WanNa. Listen to this week's episode of behind the bastards where we talk about lieutenant. Colonel David Grossman. The most notorious police trainer, American history, and the inventor of discipline called Killala. Jersey, which he talked to the Minneapolis Police, department and more than one hundred other police departments around the country, listened to behind the bastards on the iheartradio APP apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Now Lighthouse continues. The next thing I remembered. It was the next morning and I was in place I didn't expect. I was in the White House. Not In the small apartment I had seen during my previous visit, but outside on the balcony area that surrounded the window panes where the beacon set. I had no recollection of how I got there, or why was even there and that scared me? As the sun rose over the ocean, I tried to piece together. What had happened the day before? My mother, confiding in me, being awakened in the night by the light. And the shadowy thing. Taking the last my mother's life. My mother was dead. Another victim lighthouses darkness. I stood. Legs wobbly leaned against the balconies railing as I looked out over the ocean. I remembered. This is where my sister had died where she had thrown herself to her death on the rocks below. A shudder ran through me, not wanting to think about that. I. Turn to leave to find my way back down. When I caught my reflection in the glass, looked loss broken even but somehow younger. A Strand of hair dangled in front of my face and I went to move it away when I realized my reflection did not follow suit. Instead, it just stood there staring at me. It dawned on me then that this was not my reflection. It was leany. Lima's Ghost watch me from within the Lighthouse Standing Guard next to the beacon. She watched me as I found the doorway back inside and winter. Leany I asked hoping for some kind of response leany. Why am I here? She smiled sadly at me still clinging onto that teddy bear. But didn't say a word she merely continued to stare. Are is locked together. Eventually I sat. Unable to stand any longer, but not wanting to leave her, she may have been gone, but at least right now. In some way, we were able to enjoy each other's company. Bright spot in a long line of terrible wants. I don't know how long we stood like that. Simply watching each other waiting for the other to move the sun moved across the sky, and when it sat overhead, leany began to slowly fade the fainter she grew more sad. She became as if there is something she wanted to do, but was unable to. Just before she faded from view completely, she lifted her free hand, pointed toward a cabinet beneath the beacon itself. It was latched closed, but as she faded away, I opened it. Inside was the old real to Real player. We had found in the dark room when we were younger. Sitting on top of it was a book of matches, a single match taken from inside, but of more interest was the circular object wrapped in a cloth, sitting next to it. I removed it from its packaging and found it to be a metal canister when containing recording. Written Leigh's handwriting on a piece of tape was a single word. Goodbye. I left the lighthouse reel to reel and canister and hand slowly making my way through the living quarters down the winding staircase and into the clearing. I went back to the House to find Sarah leaning over my mother tears in her eyes. She apologized for my loss and told me if I wanted she would begin to make arrangements for her instead. I thanked her for all her hard work these past few months, but that she needed to leave immediately. I didn't want lighthouse to take a hold of her to. She left and I sat with my mother's corpse, thinking back on the previous evening. Lighthouse had been fed. It's hunger sated for now, but I knew he was only a matter of time before it needed to claim and other soul. But this time. Things would be different. This time the only thing left for it was me with my mother gone. I was now the sole owner of lighthouse. It's fate was mine and mine alone to decide a stronger woman have had. It torn down leveling the land. Making sure nothing was built there ever again, but not me. I crew vindictive over the years lighthouse had taken so much from me had ruined my family and our life. It was time for me to pay that back in kind. I was content to make it suffer just as it had done to me for so long. I was going to walk out of Lighthouse later that day and leave it to rot. No more would a living soul occupy its halls, giving it a chance to prey on them, instead it would sit empty alone on the bluff, forgotton and suffering as long as I had life to live. I meant to leave lighthouse alone to wither away and die, and for almost twenty years. That is exactly what I did. And then the man in the hat came back for me. ooh! ooh! Lighthouse is a production of iheartradio and Bamford productions. Chapter eight featured the Voice of Halley trashing written in directed by Jeff Hi buck audio engineering in original musical score by Corey Celeste production assistance by Alex GonNA executive produced by Holly Fry questions comments you can reach us at the man in the hat is watching at g mail dot. Com thank you for listening. In a future, ravaged by climate, change and fossil fuel dependency, a special agent of the world's largest oil corporation descends into the depths to search for missing executive aboard a scrawling deep-sea station. The second oil each is a fiction podcast, futuristic horror and intrigue. Each short-form episode drags listener through our media, saturated world inspired by underwater action films from the Eighties and nineties to present a cautionary tale of humanity's refusal to embrace the future. Listen to the second oily on the iheartradio APP apple, podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Forgotten is a new cost about hundreds of young women who disappeared and turned up dead in Horace Mexico. Right across the border from El Paso. It. We're not just random victims. The women were picked. They were selected. Abduction in broad daylight, no one saw these were like ghosts. They were killed for a reason. The burning question is. Why is it not a major emphasis of investigation? These crimes have been solved for nearly thirty years. We talked to victims, families, FBI agents and a psychologist who claims to know one of the culprits to understand why. And we reveal how these women's deaths force us to think more deeply about borders, migration, trade and corruption. Listen to forgotten women of whereas on the iheartradio, APP or wherever you put costs.

Sarah Katie couric executive US Phantom Lighthouse Bozeman apple NCUA groundsman Penn Fed Alexander Blyth Lighthouse Standing Guard Bam Alexander Hollis Alexander Blythe Tech Education Leney
Episode 34: Author Spotlight - Kaitlyn Legaspi

Dear Writer

45:46 min | 4 months ago

Episode 34: Author Spotlight - Kaitlyn Legaspi

"Hello welcome to the podcast. I'm sarah and i'm actually. We're aspiring collaborative voices sharing a writing journey with the ups the downs and everything. In between whether you're just starting out or a more experienced rider we hope that you'll find this pocus inspiring and thought provoking and his show. Hey everyone welcome back to derive writer. Today is another one of our spotlight segments. Where we're going to be talking to kaitlin legaspi. So caitlin is currently studying business management at the university of florida but on the side she writes. Why fancy ashes. Four published books three in her dock. A regular trilogy. And the fest of her cod hold a series when she's not writing or studying. She also does but reviews for both indy and traditionally published books. So nice to have you own the show caitlin. Yeah welcome. thank you for having me. It's always so exciting having guests on these authors spotlight segments. I really enjoy getting to hear all about people's writing journeys and how they started and how they found a publishing and know if everything else yeah. We absolutely love having zone. The show and with that said looks jump straight into a talk about how you got started writing. So how i had started writing actually started out writing fan. Fiction is in middle school. I watched a lot of tv back. Then invite a lotta. The shows that i watched especially anime fresher influences a lot of my writing and at the time i was a really big fan of power rangers samurai and those like the first big story i had ever written and then after finishing I decided to do my own original novel idea. And that's when. I started taking writing more seriously rather than just a hobby in wanted to pursue. So that's really cool. Totally understand having come in from that kind of perspective and doing like a bit of fan fiction stuff. I remember i think doing a little bit of that in a high school years. Not collaborating with ashley. At that point. It was just kind of fun with a new yasha. Probably only intimate. I remember you guys watching back then and may to sort of a group of friends that hang out with at the time but yes totally understand that and it's civil fun way. I think to start writing and discover the you know you have a passion for the fest book that you write become one of the ones that you have published or does that like listen to seek ritual. I original novel idea. That route is the first i published. Yeah so i wrote that one in seven th grade of middle of middle school. Yeah and then after that the second and third books of the trilogy's came in eighth grade in my first year of high school. And i don't know you might probably see. There's a lot of bleach some attack on titan in. There is the last air vendor influences. That are maybe some nortel. Yes in there to those were the shows that are really into at the time. And it's one of those things where you don't realize that they made it in there until after the fact. Yeah yeah definitely the any after prices or any other shows that sort of inspire you. Yeah for the cardholder series in particular especially. When i started writing that i was super into hunter. Hunter there is actually one reader. Read the book and she immediately found influences of a kid who is older in one of the characters definitely also influenced the power system in that series. I was also into Cut the keo hitman reborn at the time and that also made it into the power system of the series as well some influences there but yeah those are the two main things that i remember influencing cardholders. So yeah that is awesome. I was gonna ask what made you decide to go ahead and publish your first series. I'd say was. I guess a little bit of a chain of events and by chain of events i mean. There are a lot of people around me who thought me writing. My own book was really cool. And so i had a lot of classmates who supported me in my idea even asked if it could be a character in my books. And then do yeah. I had a a literature teacher in middle school was ecstatic when she found out that i was writing my own stuff and she has all three books of the trilogy and i just gave her the most recent book that was published. The first spoke of cardholders do so. She's got all my books right now. Yeah she's she's amazing. I love her. But what made me decide was definitely the support for my classmates and teachers and I remember so vividly. I actually the really early stages of dark regular back. When i was still writing fan fiction it was on the nick. dot com. message boards which was the Website for nickelodeon the tv channel back when it was still there. I was telling my best friend at the time about it. I'm writing a story on this platform. Right here is go. are you gonna get published. And that was when. I really started thinking about it. So if it wasn't for him. I probably wouldn't be here right now. So yeah like actually. Maybe i could. Yeah yeah success. Cdl in ideas as sort of grow When you were talking about your classmates asking if they could be in the book waste out adding when we were in together and we encountered a very similar situation everyone who read it was like can i have a character and then i always wanted to nine the character the most ridiculous name which was hilarious like they have me like little character. Profiles install so like. I don't know if any of my middle school classmates will end up watching this. Probably not but if they do stumble upon this. If you want to know if i put you in as a character in the trilogy especially because that's when i knew everyone at the time just like find a character that has your initials in your golden right. Have you are. Oh those are my initials. That's probably me if the character looks like you in basic description. It's probably is you. Yeah it's really fun. I often wonder. I wonder how classmates also remember the fact that they they're in they ask and most of them are still in it so we took out some albeit to change the descriptions a little bit But i don't do the initial thing anymore. I think we need as well because to suit the plot so it's not really them anymore but it was kind of like this idea when he served went into the publishing since we kind of following on that track. Did you go straight into like self publishing or sort of. How did you find your experience. Sort of moving into publishing and tim's of all technicalities of getting the interior says designed sorted and the cover and all that kind of stuff. Did you find it difficult. Who would have been a little little while ago. Now i am. I actually darker regularly used to be a traditionally published. Actually there issa Yeah there is a. It was traditional publish analysis. Sixteen that quite a quite an achievement of his a small publishing press in new york. What was weird about. It was a combination of a traditional publishing house where they actually go through manuscripts to see if flake if it's their standards and stuff and a vanity press. 'cause we had to pay two thousand dollars for it to happen but the great thing about it is that they were very personal with you so any edits that they megan stuff their comments on the word document and i basically have final say for some things and i also have say and what i wanted the book over to look like so dark regular is the actual book covers stuff from that company. Which i'm allowed to use because it stated in the contract but yeah so that helped me gain like a sort of first inside. Look to the editing and a cover process at least it's like some serviceable things by wasn't until i started wanting to self publish. After my contract had ended that i started diving deeper into it After that everything basically fell on me. So i had to do by On everything from editing to book interior. And i guess the the book interior didn't really apply until the First book of the cardholder series. Because up until then i've been using beyond automatic ebay file that dry digital as as the a file. But i did want to do that for this new series so yeah i have an artist. Do the in the philippines. Do the book cover art. I do the rest of the wraparound but cover for the front the spine in the back. I did my own interior padding or Guard alerts to takes a long time journey. Suffocating was like my first step into social media. Marketing because i never been a big social media person and the only reason i got it. Instagram lists for book. Marketing on its platform are most active on definitely. I don't even really use snapchat anymore or facebook for that matter so it took me a long time to get into instagram and things and i still find it like trying poston stuff but i still find it quite to keep up with. So it's certainly. I think probably one of the biggest challenges of being an introvert author is learning how to the social media sort of stuff and learning how to incorporate it in such way to life that it doesn't like take over everything. Yeah definitely when i started out. It's actually because of some. It's similar because of social media. That i am a little bit more outgoing. 'cause you just naturally find that nisha people that you just have things in common with. It's just easy to get into a conversation with them. Like i used to not show my face at all on my stories and now i'm showing my face like every day on their or at least like the top half of my face like i don't know if people have followed me for a long time. They know that's my thing a lonely show. My eyes on my story for the most part by i am. It's definitely hard to keep up with it. I actually schedule. All of my social media posts had like a spreadsheet with deadlines for everything from beta reading editing to artwork to all my social media posts in even book reviews and stuff like i have all my social media posts until november all scheduled out row so ready to be changed if need be gosh. That's so organized to keep up with. It really is ideas mike. Oh yes sir how you tell us about your new book. The fists in the count hold a series so interested so so red. Blood is a book that i wrote in my software year of highschool solar still pretty on when i wrote it and whether i wanted to try something new i wanted to deviate from that more traditional fantasy world that the darker regular she had in place it into somewhere more modern with modern cityscape and also give it a more intricate power system that i wasn't able to develop in the trilogy and it was also in this book that it's the first time i ever tried writing in the first person because the entire trilogy was in the third person i just wanted to experiment and try something new with it. So red blood is young. Adult urban fantasy book told in the first person perspective of seventeen. Neil blyth's as. She's forced to participate in a tournament to find the new leader of her domain which is like a country in our world and the leaders title is called cardholder hence the series so. Yeah the really really basic premise of this first book. I think it's really co- the idea of fifty two two from domains Countries and stuff in. It feels like i was sort of breeding arvada. Your club that using tasks neck feels quite disturbed paean as well. Yeah just seems really interesting and you see that you like to have it more character driven as well. Like the yeah. It's the same thing that happened with the trilogy. I wanted it to be more action based but it ended up being more character based than anything. An ex Encounter the same thing with red blood and just the entire cardholders series in general. It's basically one huge character arc for neela since she's the main protagonist and yeah. There are several action scenes sprinkled throughout all of the books which is kinda needed But trying to make those the best they can be to the best of my ability but it is definitely entirely character driven story at least for me personally. It hits on emotions for Some readers that i've been in contact with it had been emotionally and some parts which is awesome. You walk right. Yeah some people cried. And i was like. Oh my gosh. Yeah so and the fifty two to maynes thing. I was really into card games at the time. Like standardized playing cards. That's where the fifty two comes from. And that's where. I got the idea to incorporate the deck of cards into the power system in the world building for this book so yeah i was just might love card games. I wrote it. That had me made that decision. That's that from yeah. Do you have any idea how long the series is going to go for your your cardholder one. It is six books. I planned it to be a another trilogy. But me being the panther at the time the not plan out anything so instead of the three books that i wanted it to be ended up being five and i was so unsatisfied with what used to be the fourth book series. I split it into two. And then rode out the gaps to make them their own full length novels. So it six books. All of them are done with their first drafts to be edited. Yeah what really sucks is that. I didn't plan anything out. So if anything changes in earlier book at the change in the we tester even the tiniest details. Yeah already had to do it. What color is is this person. Have a gun. Because that's important. After i play like a lot with really subtle symbolism or somethings like you have to catch it as a reader if you want to appreciate it. I guess as a whole but he is probably a con of reading my stuff. But i mean it's fun to see who gets it and who doesn't really fascinating you still pants or the line a bit more now. I i do plan a bit more now actually. Most recently. Starting last year. And last year i started writing fairly romance books end. The reason why i did that is because i can't avoid a romantic subplot saved my life so might not do this. And for a romance book. It is basically entirely character-driven. So i thought planning out at least key scenes at the very least would be beneficial to me and it was did. I did the characters take me places. I didn't want them to go yet. So the plans did have to change quite a bit. But i think it's a system that works like right now with the romance book that i'm writing right now. I have a plan anything for it yet. Other than the ideas. I have for my head a for now. My strategy is right until you hit a roadblock and then after that take what you've already written analyze it and then make an outline to follow. Seems like a good way to do it. Now do you wanna tell us a little bit about a little bit more about your deck a regular trilogy as well. 'cause i assume that whole thing's available for people to purchase if they so desire. Oh yeah. I almost forgot about bundle amazon candidate i saw i was like oh this is nelga thing may add said the darker regular trilogy of i wrote it really young. My first three books ever it follows. The story of an orphan named kana ashes. Recruited to be apprentice of a night in the kingdom she lives in which is called the kingdom of saline lia and she to train in basically. It's quote headquarters and the palace of the crimson rose and as she is recruited and journeys there and trains their she. This is more the premise of the first book. Because i can't do anything with the second and third kaz spoilers right. As the first book progresses she keeps getting attacked by these dark spirits or monsters in her world called shadows and attacked more than like any average normal human being would so a big part of the first book especially is figuring out why she's being attacked like that in also why she seems to have a connection with who is known to be the most powerful dark being in her universe who is called the darker regular the title of the book of so. That's the main premise of that. They sound really fascinating. As i say i generally find fantasy really interesting because it's not something i've ever read or attempted to like get into before so we knew where people tell me about it. I'm like oh wow. I'm fascinated by fantasy writers. And because i'm that kind of writer who doesn't really plan out everything in the world i just do whatever is necessary for the story and then some just a flesh it out more but for the fantasy writers who really flesh out there were like crate. Languages especially in magic spells like in shaky rallying and then you have a token his massive world. I just find that all impressive people say i have a big imagination but the those people literally out of this world it is. Yeah i still think it's super impressive. The what you've done especially being some young when you created it. How did you go with the world building. Mike did you as you said Like editing afterwards or was set of railroad with fantasy kind of sprinkle or was it. Did you focus on the road building after trying to develop those details of it more. Or how did you manage that on. I started writing the trilogy. I did have a basic idea of what i wanted. It was i think the time period in the world itself was definitely inspired by The lord of the rings typesetting silently itself for example. Just one big huge landmass. And then. Unfortunately i wasn't able to flesh out many other races other than hubin other than the l. But i did have a basic idea of what i wanted in. It was one of those things where as the story continued. The world building continued along with him. I had the basics down like the land mass and what it looked like in my mind geographically and also the alternate parallel universe where the dark beings live in the dark beings themselves as well as types of them. So i had those. But it's the mar- right the moorhead to make up guests on the so yeah. The details were added. As i went along. Which sounds terrible. But it's one of those things. I guess lungs it make sense with what you already have so either way you know like i wouldn't put any judgment on like with a one person like plants entire thing out and then one person does it as they go. You know like each way is totally valid. And it's just interesting to see how different people do it and we have head of fantasy writers on here who say that they do it similar to you with a you know like start off in just builds like sat scores. And i think that's kind of cool. Because in my mind. When i thought about the like i mean i've never really attempted fancy of kind of try to sort of scifi thing. Kind of which really pan out and i was like. Maybe i'll leave that to another time but you know like when i try and approach. It seems really overwhelming to me. Like just think this whole where insulated can be inspirational of ride is out there just to be like. Oh you know you don't have to have it all mapped out right from the main things words down right. And what i found is like with each new big lumped series project. That i have the more will world building i do before i actually start the writing of the story. Because for the trilogy- i had very basics. I didn't even really have. What a government bill would be like. I didn't have on details for the power system at all that Built up as it went but going into the Cardholder series. I had the power system down. I had what i wanted. The world to look like minds like the domains for example in the chorus of those domains which is like the absolute city centers of them. Or like the which. I guess what you would consider capitals of sorts but yeah i had a lot more on detailed going into of the world going into the her cardholder series than i did the trilogy. So that's that's one. transient myself. Personally leading yes. I am learning. That's really look like i mean we. I think probably followed a similar path. That way and tim's if we were very i mean we did plan because we had to being collaborative writers but we didn't really plan the book as such we just kind of way we know the seat of a few chip doesn't advance like i know we're running low on chapters to right we should probably plan some somewhat. Yeah maybe this is long. We should probably in disowned which was way too long. I would never planned my chapters. I just had where i wanted. A story wanted the story to go ahead. And when i feel like this one. Small chunk felt like a good conclusion on the chapter. Here this is one of those things. End the thing about going into books with more detail. The world building i found especially applies to my characters the characters in the darker treasury definitely the most one dimensional of the characters that i have right now overhauled but like going against the card holders i would think characters are more in depth than the trilogy and then especially for the romance books where it's solely based on character relationships in development i have full on profiles for those characters in there for the main ones at least that have like the worst school subjects are best school subjects little habits they have Like this one guy. Only wears a cloth headband when he studying at home for example if they like spicy food sweet food if they hate cold weather or hot weather i have those. I didn't use to have those but it's it's really fun to just like creative character on fly in safe. It actually fits in to the book. Two thousand few found it easier than writing your characters having the profile of s.'s. Before when i assume you didn't have as detailed a profile. I would guess no like if i compared the profile for a main character neela example to the profile that i have for the main female character of one of the completed drafts of my romance books. Mora for example. Neil la's personality for example. The portion where her personality fits in is really more of a summary. Her character profile is mostly her powers that she would use throughout the book while for more. It's her family and then all of her habits and stuff like that things that she likes things. She dislikes her type of guy her favorite color like i have all that down and for a book. That's mainly based on character relationships and character development. It's really handy to have actually just to make sure. Hey i have this right at that. He has this habit. It's a great reference to have yet to just refer to just to make sure things are accurate. I would agree. That's reminds me especially what you were saying before about. The eye color reminds me of let one of characters changed here. Kala frequently for the eye color for me was there are two really important characters. In neal is life one of them have emerald green and the other one is forced grain. Watch character has which i color which has which shade of green just my fault. I guess that's easier to computer. I had the check so many times just to make sure i write it down now i really do. I think it becomes easy when they start like taking on like life in your mind all you can see the person and you're like oh yeah especially like start when you're still trying to get to know the characters and it's like who are you again. The character pro. What did you look like again. And it's it's funny. The person who did my book cover art of from the philippines. He does all my character. Art that i post on instagram. And that i also use my website. And what's really funny is that i find it a lot. Easier to picture what The girls look like rather than the guys like for the girls. I'm like okay here. It is she looks like this her facial features this and i have so many reference pictures and for him to just go off of and for the guys. I'm like okay. So i have a general description what he looks like some reference pictures of what i think my mind is conjuring up in my head but i feel so whenever i do that too when like whenever i give a guy character to make some art of like a. Here's what i got. I really sorry about that but he always does an amazing job. It's like It's one of those things or if it looks right to you just clicks to a the. The first guy that he made art of for me was His name is kenneth. He's another main character of the dark irregular trilogy alongside kana and we went through like four different sketches of him because sketch after sketch Feel right and then the final sketch that he said to me. After i kept giving him like little things to change was like that's tim. That's kinda three. Yeah then we could continue on with like the rest of getting his own full-body sketch show and then the entire thing in full color. I'll know when i see it. Yeah exactly just really bad for him and to know what you mean going through with cover design a treatment Trying to decide on what sort of style we're looking at and stuff and yeah that's always a lot of fun like it. That's not it as. I didn't know what i wanted my book. I look like i was like do. I want to keep it as just objects on the front cover like on the trilogy or do i want to branch out to something new and i ended up branching into something new. 'cause honest i'm not a. I'm not usually a fan of seen characters on a book cover. Especially if they're real people edited on over other. Yeah the only exception to the. I don't like seeing characters on the book cover is when they're obviously like drawn whether like hand-drawn or digitally draw. So neil is digitally drawn. Yes because i had such a clear picture of what it wanted her to look like. But the exception of the bay. Like i don't know if you saw the book cover but in my mind. Originally she did not have the bang and then the artists added the bays. And i'm like wait a second. I actually really like this. So ever since. I saw that official art of her with like all the bangs it on the covering her forehead and the highlights through her hair a. I can't imagine her without the bangs anymore. So neal got bangs eternally in my head now. She looks amazing. I love it. I just looked up cover guy and i was like head i head. I liked the banks. It's really cool. Have those banks originally. She's going to ha- yeah. It's so cute. i love it. I really do in everything he does. He does such an amazing job. We're actually doing people. Don't know this. Actually we're going through stuff for the cover for book to write exciting. Yeah i was about to ask you what was in store for the future sar. Oh so but to which is titled two. More lives is scheduled to come out sometime in the spring next year. Okay it'll be taking place four to five months after the ending of the one and it's a lot i look back at the series and i'm like wow things don't really start to solidify until book three books. One and two are really a lot of exposition for what the entire series is going to be about. And that's totally my fall. Because i read the reviews. It's fascinating because like i've learned through reading reviews. Not readers are like at all. There are some people who will catch the foreshadowing there. Some people who won't there are some people who will think that neela in her older brother act like real siblings and there are other people who think they don't act like real siblings and there are people who thought that like the book didn't move much at all but it's the first book of a series so it's fine and then there are people who think that the book moved like really pretty well until like i don't know what it is. It's fine as long as you enjoyed it overall. I'm okay okay with it but somebody who left has reveals a lot more. That's just gonna leave people even like being confused left me confused they. I didn't plan anything out all these twists and turns like how am i going to make this into a cohesive story within this series. I mentioned to do it somehow. Also yeah are you working on the edits and things on that moment or you kinda living at risk for now. Oh yes so my My boyfriend actually is my editor. He helped me edit the first book. And we're doing so now for the second book. We're a little bit past b. m. halfway mark right now and we just do like a little bit day by day. 'cause both full-time college students. And he's got a job. I've got internship so the kind of has to be that way we've been working on edits for I guess like the first round of edits for book to since some late january this year. So yeah we've been doing it for a while now. I can't wait to get to the not feeling and be so. I still don't know what's more painful formatting my own book interior or edits as you change you. Change one of the The gutter or the borders on the outside. And you change everything. Just recently and i was like. Oh you change that and now it's like fifteen. We'll pages yeah and it's like get really stuck on the topic of you are being a student in your internship and everything. How do you jugo doing your studies along with rising. Because i know well. I stopped writing during my undergrad degree. And i I do work at university lecturer. I understand how difficult how demanding the undergrad study. Or whatever study you're doing now. How do you juggle that with the erotic. I guess it depends on the semester. mike For the summer semester. Which i meant right now actually have what. I call an intensive schedule. Where i have a spreadsheet in from the beginning of may to the second week of august i just have dates on the first column in them. What lectures i'm gonna watch. What textbook pages. I'm gonna read. What practice problems going to study and then like everything else for. My internship placed on a day in its own specific categories. So i know what i'm going to do for that day and then i just switch off. So i'm not doing one thing for a really mundane around amount of time so if i do a lecture for example because it's an online lecture i my attention span. Non lectures are just not just not there so all friendly half an hour. We've had to give a few online. Like shes enough. With most of the smith's you give them an i can see like on zoom. My students alike browsing internet. I can tell. I can tell you not paying attention to me. I struggle to are. They not live recorded so it may even harder you out. Yeah i also increase the speed to like one point six. You're one of those people facing. I cannot if you hear it for long enough. It sounds like you're speaking the person speaking normally sarcastic. Yeah it is they ass all do like an hour of lecture and then onto lake makes social media press for instagram. and then i'll do something for my internship and then maybe i'll read a little bit so it's just keep my days varied so i'm not required or something doesn't seem like as much of a chore as it could yank it. Sounds like if you have everything very well planned out also which is probably helpful. I'm really glad you think so. Because i feel like i feel like a mess. Think everyone does. I'm i'm really nervous for the fall semester. Actually because it'll be like a full fourteen credits for me and then on top of that. I want to try to find another internship or get a part time job and then on top of that. I'm also the new president in music director of mile. Capella group that. I'm a part of michael university. So that's gonna take a lot of time to and on top of that all the stuff that i have so. I don't know i'm going to do it but i'm gonna do it somehow. Find a way good luck. Good luck find a way. Thank you ask anything else. You wanted to talk about that. We haven't covered yet or haven't brought up that i can think of right now. Actually i am curious how. How do you determine it's a question for you. i guess. How do you determine if like in emotional. Scene is like good enough. I guess 'cause i have quite a few some don't hit as hard as others which is fine but for like the most critical ones for i really want to break the readers. Hearts like if i'm not crying. They're not going the likelihood of them crying aren't gonna cry like ivory wrote the a. I wrote a seed and in a red blood for example because i thought the original from the first draft when i read it over again and did hit me so i rewrote it and allies. I rewrote it. I was selling like my boyfriend was on call. Because he was doing edits for another section of the book and i was sobbing. So loud is a caitlyn. Are you okay. I've just ready to see right now. And it's just breaking my heart is like is wondering if you had any like determining factors like that for when an emotional scene is Is good enough. I i feel like for me that it has to be. Yeah like just kind of range you and your heart like and for me. I mean hopefully not always but sometimes it's a feeling that experience before and somebody pitifully tried to channel that feeling of absolute kind of gotcha tuning stories end up like that feeling of being upset or something if it's really upsetting saying and if i feel like when i read it the of conveyed that feeling that i feel i've done a good job will so i guess this is where we will also quite lucky is having a shovel to bounce the ideas all like when we read through each of us saying you can kinda tell by how they react with. You've done a good job simla to you with your readers like expressing having really connected with it. What about you ashley. What would you say about that. I've always. I've said this before a few times when i write my cat really into the character like i feel like i am the character you know so i'm like writing it and i'm feeling like uncomfortable. I started i get anxious like it kind of like all caught up in how the feeling the new jersey i know. I'm doing a good job because be like riding and jobs seem very on edge. I am on edge. You don't know what he's doing blah blah blah when he's like okay. I'll just leave you. That's probably the other thing. Is that like if you go to characters and you just feel like you want to write the same because yeah too bright clutch like in the. You're probably doing the right thing for the book even though it's painful yeah. I had a similar experience to you. Ashleigh 'cause i wrote a scene that's in book two. It was like one of the very few scenes handwritten because at some point in time i decided to just like write everything on my laptop because more time saving that way than writing something down hand written and then transferring it to a word document. Were which i'm really happy. I wrote this because like writing motions by hand. Just for some reason clicks butter with me. But i was writing it in like my parents. Common area my family room and it's a really sad scene and started crying really hard of a wall writing and my dad walks by like kate. Are you okay caves just writing. Something does okay. He's like your way if you're writing something emotional scene in lake making the people around you worry. Maybe that's also sign. I guess we probably soon affronting longtime and wanted to sort of fiscally. Thank you for being on the court cast. And secondly i wanted to ask you where people can find your books so people can find my books. Good number places are at stake invited on barnes and noble online apple. books Amazon where you can get the book in the paperback. If you're a if you're subscribed to kobo you can find it there too. I think you can find it on. Scripted i forget all those platforms for shore minus minus manuscript. I'm not about scriven home. You can you can find the yearbook at least on those platforms. And how can people get in touch with you if they want to find out more about you so i am very active on instagram My instagram handle is let me check. I use underscores not periods. My is caitlin a. K. a. t. l. y. n. underscore the underscore legaspi which is l. e. g. a. s. p. I yeah if if you message be there might have a problem. I'm way too good at getting back to people. So i'll get back. Yeah and i have a website to kaitlin. Legaspi dot home blog All the same spelling as instagram. Handle minus the underscores. There's a lot of book reviews. There you can find links to purchase my books you can find. The blurbs two books care like many character profiles and like sneak peek of the prologues of thumb everyone may books that have been published thus far so yeah you can find a lot on the website them. Thank you again for being on the show. We've really enjoyed it spending a great about your purses and your books being very interesting ages. I always find them. I could ask so many more questions. Just really chat about it for a while because it's always so interesting hearing about how the people find writing because you know it's usually quite solitary so it's good when you can chat to chat to other people about it and i don't do this often. It feels good it really does. So what are we doing next time 'anti-russia so our next episode is one of our talking-shop episodes of where we review some of the resources are thank you where we review some of the resources that we've been using to better writing skills and also we have a bit of a chat about the books that were reading currently so if you know any more about us or writing projects you can visit us at linda. Creations dot com or get in touch with us on facebook or instagram. Which under the linda creations handle. And if you would like to be on a director Author spotlight then hidalgo to our website. We said lindisfarne creations dot com and a few hover. The podcast have. You'll see the drop down. Menu will be h it onto your ida and we'll take you to a form to house and so if you enjoyed the show today in please rate and review us on apple podcasts and subscribe on your choice till us and we'll be back next week riding in.

neela caitlin kaitlin legaspi Neil blyth tim university of florida poston philippines nickelodeon nisha nortel ashley Neil la arvada sarah megan Hunter neal mike
Cattle Current PodcastJune 21, 2019

Cattle Current Market Update with Wes Ishmael

05:32 min | 2 years ago

Cattle Current PodcastJune 21, 2019

"Cash bid cattle prices, mostly tumbled on Thursday, commercial US red meat production was record high last month coming up on your market update with west. All this is where sociable with your Calcutt market update for Thursday night, and Friday morning. The twenty first achieving negotiated cash fit Cal trade developed Thursday, at mostly decidedly lower money, except for mostly steady and Kansas, one hundred ten dollars. One hundred weight live trade was two to four dollars lower at one ten in the Brassica, and the Texas panhandle and at one ten to one fourteen in the western corn belt dress trade was three to four dollars lower at one hundred and eighty to one hundred and eighty three dollars after a couple of days of repositioning, grain prices broke higher once again and weighed heavy on Cavaliers, Thursday, Blyth Cavill, futures closed in average of sixty nine cents lower. While feeder Calif users close navarine of dollar and forty seven cents lower corn, futures closed seven to ten cents higher through July twenty and then mostly fractionally higher to opinion, lower soybean futures close. Two thirteen cents higher through January of twenty one and then mostly nine cents higher. Wholesale beef values were lower on light to moderate demand. And offering according to the agriculture marketing service choice, boxed beef cut out, how was eighty seven cents lower Thursday afternoon at two hundred twenty dollars and seventy cents a hundred weight. Select with seventy six cents lower at two. A one forty eight. Cavs and feeder cattle traded mixed at the weekly Thursday auctions monitored by Calicut fear steer. Soul steady to lower at Woodward livestock auction, Oklahoma where there are fifty five hundred fifty seven head feeder have received one to two dollars, lower with the most decline on nine wait steer castle, steady in a limited last and Heffer castle stay at winterless. Doc in Pratt. Kansas, fear steer soul mostly steady two three dollars lower. While feeder Heffer sold three to five dollars higher. There are thirty six hundred and ninety head on offer. Finally feeder steers away nine hundred thousand pounds sold steady to three dollars lower at Mitchell livestock auction in South Dakota fear. Heifers Wayne, eight hundred nine fifty trade steady. Two three dollars higher. But one two three dollars lower at nine hundred fifty two thousand pounds. They're twenty one hundred thirty one head on offer. Major US financial indices closed sharply higher Thursday, support included fall through optimism that the fed will cut interest rate as well as bouncing energy, west Texas intermediate crude oil prices on the CME jumped two dollars and eighty seven cents to three ten on the two thousand nineteen contracts with reports that Iran shot down a US surveillance drone flying over international waters, along with recent tanker, bombings in the Gulf of Oman. The move could escalate tensions between the US Iran by some calculations about twenty percent of global oil consumption must move from the Persian Gulf through the strait of or moves to get open water Iranian territorial waters. Lie within that straight. The Dow Jones industrial average close two hundred forty nine points higher. The SNP five hundred closed twenty seven points, higher, and the NASDAQ was up sixty four points. Commercial? Red meat production of four point five seven billion pounds in may was one percent more than the previous year and record large, according to US days. Monthly livestock slaughter report issued yesterday beef production of t point three three billion pounds was up one percent year over year as was toll cattle slaughter of two point nine four million head for January through may of this year commercial red meat production of twenty two point four billion pounds was two percent more than the same period last year back to beef at eight hundred forty seven pounds the average dress steer. Wait in may was twelve pounds less than the previous month and a pound less than the previous year. Average dressed Heffer wait was seven hundred eighty eight pounds which was eleven pounds less than the previous month and two pounds lighter than the previous year lower year-over-year carcass weights continued through the first week of June. According. USDA's actual slaughter under federal inspection report. Average dressed weights were five pounds lighter year over year for both steers at eight hundred forty six pounds and heifers at seven hundred eighty pounds that was for the week in June eight. That you're Kelkar market update for Thursday night, and Friday morning. The twenty first of June, you can find more at WWW dot Calicut dot com. This is west Ishmael. Thanks for listening.

US Kansas Cavaliers Calcutt Texas Blyth Cavill Cal Woodward livestock Mitchell livestock Calicut SNP Kelkar Gulf of Oman Persian Gulf Pratt South Dakota USDA Oklahoma Heffer
Yachtley GODism

Inspirado Projecto

59:11 min | 1 year ago

Yachtley GODism

"This is black beans you're listening to Inspir- auto, project Oh. Sporadic projectile. What are your thoughts on tinker? Toy Soldier. Man Behind Machine, I've never seen that movie however, the very little bit I do know about it is that it is a spy movie his Gary Oldman in who I thought was Great Intrigue Romance. The Professional Of course, Commissioner Gordon just just he he really commits to characters and from what I understand he's in that movie. About spies have always I've always liked I think it's about spies have always liked stuff about spies I used to have this big silver all about spies. James Bond on me and I I just fascinated with that I did this probably why like Halloween so much in costumes and just being able to slip in and out of characters improvisation. Enables me to fulfil. They had to to fill that NOOK. Also, what's interesting is Each year probably about three or four years. My Buddy David Chan ski my my good friend David chance key used to have. Oscars nights over his house and we'd all go over there are friends. My brother was in town Jeremy Polinsky. Andy Smith Mike Sodium we'd. We'd go there and we watch. He'd have Oscar night there and one of the things that Jeremy and I would do. We'd always make a theme song or we'd make a song that had to do with those Oscar. Oscars. We make a song go with us all the songs, all the names of the nominee films. You can actually see some of these up on. Youtube and tinker. Soldier spy I think that's what you just said I think was one of the. Names that was used. USED WITHIN That Oscar Song. During that time? So thank you for the question sending me down memory lane. I. Gotta I gotTa check that out. Now you've inspired me. But. You folks who you you who are listening. Have you ever seen this movie? Now. Twelve. noon. And the. Twenty Four. Twenty four? Up to the grocery store here I. If you listen to the. You've listened to that podcast episode with blyth beans. And DEIRDRE. All You'd hear. Them discussing the book. Tufty. Tufty the princess. In it's by. Zeeland. Zeeland. The Guy. WHO discovered. Reality Trans Surfing. The idea of happing between. Dimensions. Choosing. A. A reality in quantum leaping to it. So. Blyth. Brought up that book she was reading it. So I ordered it I received. Yesterday. Or two days ago and I started reading it today. Wow It's it's a really interesting idea when we hear about. When we hear about this being. A play set so so to speak and we are. Action figures in that place. And there's there's an awareness. When you wake up out of that. You come to this awareness that. The reality you're living right now this moment right here that I'm living right now. was. Already. was, already. Created. This reality experienced that this particular. Blip of me is experiencing. Is Happening because I? Made it happen. In this book, they talk about A. Imagining a plate. Sort of plate sort of an antenna to kind of. Run slightly parallel to your spine. In setting your intention back there. So the idea is to get just into that. Mindset of what's happening to right here right now. In this moment in time. There's no. Diving within. Into your own. mind. And concentrating on the which is the past and there's no. Idea of worrying about. What's going to happen in the future? It's just. It's the idea of just being. Aware of of this very moment. In time what's happening here? And And just being. Here. So the plates. The plates on the back. is to. Intend. A reality. In you maginness. specific thing happening. Idea is that. Off The plate. After you. Like really visualize this thing you mentioned yourself ready doing. This is just another trick reality manifestation we always hear about. All different tricks, all the different things for reality manifestation. So it's putting yourself into that and then just going and then just letting it slide off the plate. I hit thought about. This idea for. Know think about this idea for an APP. There's probably one out there, but it's the manifestation. and. You kind of speak into it. What you? What your future self already doing? And And just putting it in their. Visualizing. Okay. BOOBOO. It's blasting out their. Future selves already doing this. In this moment in time right here is just a memory. In that person's brain. and. then. Maybe what happens? Is Let's say you chart. The manifestations as they happen. So once they happen, you know with the synchronous cities it Kinda teaches you to to to play around the synchronicity to notice the synchronous cities it could become sort of. Audio Synchronicity Journal. Charting your reality manifestation process. Proceess. And So then as these things evolve. What you do is you. You didn't chart their progress. You say, okay. Here's the thing that I had. You know. Imagined happening. And and now here it is. And this is the camouflage. This is the way in which it unfolds. This is the. This is the camouflage in which it. Reveals itself. There's a car driving through this. Parking Lot, and it is smoking up a storm. SMOKIN UP. A. Storm. I. Hope it's not on fire. Occurs driving away and it's like. Huge smoke clouds coming out of their man. Wow Incredible. Right there when something like that happens is that is that a reality manifestation? I caused it to happen. Just never know. Anyway Jeff. IS COMING OVER FINN? To Pick up those hard drives our went out to. Chico to drop off. So. We will undoubtedly. Geek. Out. Of the doors. On slater's I, enter the store. I imagine that if you're listening this broader project till you probably a whole lot of other high kissed too, and I also mentioned that yourself a very creative and have your own stories in your own expertise. Extraordinary educational material that can be shared with a whole lot of us that would inspire us, and maybe you thought about making your own podcast, but you didn't know where to look well, look no further my friend. ANCHOR DOT FM it's a free APP. It's what I used to record this podcast distributed to spotify apple podcast Google podcasts. Tune in all over the place all over the place. People can listen to your podcast. You can record segments and Kinda shuffling around. However you want you can add musical interludes you can call other anchor podcasters, leave messages for them. They can leave messages for you. You can put in your episode you can send a link let's say you're going to make an episode you want to interview your friends, you send them a link through their email or text messages and go hey, come on let's go do an interview you can record up to two hours. ANCHORED DOT FM they distributed baby free. Ten thirty, five, am. Today is the twenty first. Yacht cruise playing. Today to thirty. Accidents with time we gotta, be, there. Palacasino. I think it's near San Diego. As looking at the map it looks far away. But you never know what the map. Looked far away maybe it was closer. As, they say objects in the mirror are always closer than they appear. Waiting for my uber driver sitting next to two scooters lines. Line scooters. I'm very curious if we're. Going to. have any. Studies coming out. Correlating. Scooters with the coronavirus. Girl there. There's always something new to be found out. Isn't there there's always some new information. Information that contradicts sealed information. There's always new information. Does the virus spread through the air through the wind If not. Then, why? Well. Okay. So it doesn't so doesn't spread through the does it spread through the air? Is. A catch on the on the tail of a wind cloud. and Soup its way along. Infecting people. Does it does it stand services? Someone's got a runny nose got corona virus, wipe it all over the hand. Of The Of the scooter will. Will that stay on there. WILL THAT BE THERE While someone gets on the scooter the next time and rides. Your twitter video where there was a guy in the elevator. Surveillance footage of this guy in the elevator. WHO We'll take he coughed on his hands and then he started putting his hands all over the buttons, the Elevator Buttons. Takes a special brand. Special brand of mindset to. Do something like that. So If the virus is not spread that way. How's IT spread? House it's, bread. Buddy Chris Cormon. Sound guy for. Bloody Bobby Aka legend of fall. Creek. Can also black Pumpkin. He Uh coronavirus. This my Uber. Think. So is it? Hey Over. That isn't my Uber. The Guy who who pulled up. Actually, lives in the apartment complex. I wonder if he thought that I thought that New Brigade. Yeah that was interesting because. The car pulled up. Right in front of the Garage. And I didn't stop to think that some sometimes there've been a few. Uber driver has actually pulled up. into the driveway. Next to me. That's good. I needed to be holding onto the stuff anyway. This is going to be a show. At Palacasino, it's going to be outside. Apparently people have bought little cubes little quadrants to hang out. With each other at during the show. Hanging out in their little quadrants. Maybe, they can eat I don't know. I don't know if I mentioned this before another podcast. But I'm thinking. Just. How great would that be? You got some kind of device like Predator. Movie. Predator. where he sees her like that infrared. ultraviolet rays or is that infrared? Scott the thermal. Infrared infrared is not same things thermal, right? which those waves by the way UV, rays very seen those Those radio remote control cars that that They don't use radio waves. They use. UV Rays. See. You can only fly these things in a daytime, which is kick, ass it's using UV rays. Translating it. into it. Is it solar power symptoms solar power. By. North. Could very well be. It could very well be same thing as solar power. Theory is. That's him. All, right. Very good. We'll see how this goes. Let's see how it goes goes I would go. Greet. How're you? All I'm actually This is crazy. It's I mean the yacht rock band. Put Call. Well, have you ever heard of the Genre Jack Rock? It's a new genre. It's out there. It's basically give a term that's given to soft rock basically like hall and OATES and Lionel Richie and that. Kind of stuff stuff that people would I guess. I guess play on a yacht you know with the ocean breeze and having some Pinochle. and. So we dress up as we actually you know what I think. I, even card. In my bed pan. Out One I know the well keyboards and also to guitar. Here it is. That's what we look like. Yeah. So that's my that's are superhero. Those are superhero costumes exhausted and it's all just love songs. It's all good vibes. It's such a positive it's like a mobile. Mobile Utopian Society because everybody there just to share love songs put their arms right shoulder sing along now obviously in this day and age, it's a little bit different. So what's interesting is I. Think it was about a month ago we had a we had a show at a dry at venture of fiqh feared grounds, but he was a drive in so it was crazy because. It was like an elevated stage and they they had some cameras up there and so they played it on these big screens to second drive to US crazy because all these cars were parked in there and after the songs they blinked the they blinked their lights and they played the horns. And it was such an interesting dynamics now fast for now dance your question roundabout way I'm on my way up to. The Seniors House driving up to it's called Palacasino which kind of near San Diego. And so we're playing an outdoor things. So they've all casino. Yeah. They figured out a way to somehow socially distance these people sitting sitting like little tables or something so. Yeah. They're definitely fight the people out there definitely finding creative ways to make things work. I'm originally from Chicago. by lived here, twenty years and I've been with this band since two thousand seventeen and it was crazy about swelling this big tour all over the place is crazy. We just signed with an agent talent. Booking guy. Just just everybody was so excited and. We named it Batten down the hatches tour well little. Did we realize that we would truly be backed down the hatches? You know they don't realize that Kobe would go. Right. When we're right when the wheels were about to go up, you know with. All my gosh, she was crazy soaps. In the meantime we've been doing a livestream shows just doing the best we can with with Embracing whatever is happening right now because. It's only gonNA. You know help evolve everybody plus you know so many people at home with. just waiting for this thing to end in their bored out of their minds. So it's called me every day. Say. How many hours a day do you drive? Twelve I do about it. You do nine. What are what are some of your? What are some of the things that you? Uh Debt you have interests in our musician or? Gambler. You know. Okay. So when I said Palacasino you knew what I was talking about. Oh my gosh. Why would you be able to turn that down a little bit? I just WanNa hear a little better. So you're your game I'm always interested in the in the in the people who try to realize there's a whole separate life that's going on out there. It's just interesting me. So did you grow up in a gambling family? No. No. When did you start what we're guarded what we're kindergarten? Kindergarten all my gosh. Wow in some would you say that you've you've Sharpened that that sort of six cents horse. Player. Days. Specialties while worse says an baseball I loved baseball. What are what are some of now? Is it just like a feeling that you get or are you reading stance or what? Sure. camp. Starting to. Gamble, you gotTA, study right, courses of sports. Are you someone who uses you know they talk about a Probability you know the mathematics of probability do. Decide to have anything to do with anything or no. No. An affect me at all. So interesting go on. Stats. Handicap in a kind of go with the gut feeling sometimes. Times you go with your gut feeling non-sports. Wow. Says it's on the racing form. While things. Inform this relive dude. This word the singer lives right over here and then he just can't drive day dude a really working. On of course you do. John Downing I Apolo Casino thing and then Oh dan apartment complex back there. But that's alright Detroit. Trust this and this went on. Did. So crazy. Wow Man I apollo casino thing, and then this it makes so much sense. All right, dude. He's our cosmic things I always pay attention to. All, right what's your name? Andy Take care man you good luck with the toward. You so much take care. Hey. Good, how are you? You. Here. Out in the back of the Palacasino, next today tool to the right. Or getting things set up ready to. Ready to. soundcheck. We've got a lot of cheers out here. Some good people out there in the distance. Showed up early actually. And So so something that she had said was. I don't need a lot of friends i. need a few good ones. which I thought was great. leary broader project. Goodness, it's been a while. Back. On Tommy, boy is bad. You GotTa Check Out Thomas Carter Junior on I'm instagram's, is it every Friday? Is it every Friday or almost every other? Crew House show just about every Friday and around what time you usually do it. Seven PM West. Pacific Time. So Yeah Tim out I have a new five song EP coming out near future. Do you have a title for this yet? No. Working on it. But there's I songs very bitchy. It's very. Good Times music going to be referencing it all quarantine or pandemic. Beach No. In fact, I went the opposite direction and dreamed of being on the beach with friends. I love it I. Love. It fits the music. World has enough pandemics. Interesting. We always hear about yacht rock week. There's beach. Music. But actually really make a its own genre. There should be just its own genre beach music, right? I mean well, there's. Around that Yes beach boys radiates young. and. A lot of those kind of like tropical bands or even, and there's a lot of the songs Pina Colada all that kind of stuff is like sort of. So I, a lot of those are what I listen to. So I draw them all these things. So means kind of yeah you're beechy. Peachy. BG Peachy Beach So what kind of influences did you feel that you might have channeled during this? Any beach boy influences, of course, obituaries event influences may ever, but also Beatles and also Me Thank definitely three eleven deadly Jack Johnson was a big one. He's another one that's kind of beaching. Yeah Jack Johnson Yeah, I'm trying to think like kind of like ninety sugar ray you know that kind of like just good times music. That's kind of what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just easy vibe. Maybe people are throwing frisbees out there cooking up a couple of brands needs I music and I'm just the guy to do. Just. GotTa do it. Everybody can save write a sad song and sad like if you're not, I'm not a sad person. So I feel like my place in the world it's contribute. Music that feels good and makes people. Happy. So you know it's not the it's not always GonNa win the critical acclaim but. I don't care. That's what I like so do. There are plenty of. Con-, there's plenty of content and sources out there for people to listen to. That's melancholy sad or whatever. What's great is the fact that you're choosing to balance out the equation and put it on the other side of the boat. The world needs good vibes. You know you know that more than anybody. Needs good vibes. So you know I'm GonNa, put out my songs and try to promote them the best I can but. yeah I'm excited it's going to be good. It's going to be Definitely you know my first EP was like kind of melancholy because that's where it Kinda was of time. My second EP was more country tinged. Again because that's what I was while I was listening to a lot. but this is kind of almost return to my roots in my in a way 'cause I used to be in a band called someday providence and we were rock and roll the kind of like. That three eleven. Sublime Vein where it was like rock long and Scott but also bg Oh yeah, and Now speech. So here beach is kind of a return to that for me. Yeah. Are you gonNA make a music video? Yes. Someone probably GonNa make multiple you want to form house you got to be phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal. You know I was immediately. I was just thinking of chess. With his pool there and the Flamingo. Crazy. Yeah I'm down. Do It oh my God? That'd be brilliant. Brilliant. Fun when is you're going to be ready? I'm kind of shopping somebody mix master it right now. So once I find somebody to send it to them, and usually that takes about two weeks and then you got to send it to spotify or takes about three weeks so. Best case scenario two months. Now, do you use one of those sources like destroy cater CD baby or something because those those are like mass go out and plus the they've starting to put it into. Tick. Tock. So you can actually use on have myself on Tiktok. Over. They only have like fifteen seconds snippets want the sixty I don't know how to do that but CD baby I use and they've been good about distributing everything to me forming. On instagram when you look under the music on there yeah. For Sure Thomas Gardner Junior Thomas Governor. All my stuff. So. Yeah. Just love it. All these sources are out there more and more Avenues for for just independent artist. It's great. It's A. Double edged. Sword. Because It's a double edged sword because you gotta do subject but. People. More avenues for you to. Music what there's more people doing it. So you got out in a crowd more but. The algorithm brings them to see how. Long Trust in an algorithm folks, the algorithm the algorithm brings brings it home. Algorithm, remember his reputation of of. The universe. In general. How the universe works. Oh. Oh. Wait into soundcheck now talk to you later. Now. Thirty. Six Am. The ninth August. Ninth. I heard allow trash in the backyard. And then Oh someone. Not to doing so real. Landik fairy. The joy to have over. FESS. In so comes. Paramedics really. Sent these guys. and. They just brought someone out from the backyard on a stretcher. Something happened to. See A. Fire Department. And Two fire trucks here. The other able to find him back there and Bring them in. Is Intriguing. So intriguing. So I, there was the helicopters the other day. Does telling you about what you cut a piece of which also the the live. The live alive thing is on instagram. The now today. There's A person who climbed over the fence I heard this crack. And then Next thing. I know. People were taking someone out from the back. Oh. Thank you. Really. Interesting to. Living. In such close proximity to so many. extraordinary. Events that one would never expect. Might happen. In Literally Cova to retrieve their own backyard. It's interesting too. Is I was just recording tic TAC thing. About these helicopters outside? I call them airships. Now's to stick tax. And Kiki. Guada-. Dome. Type. Let's say. Okay. Here we go. Off to the races. Off to the races. Now. Following. Our. Hearing says he's wondering what's going on. Sounds Chart. So. He's weaving in and out. Here. Around, he's heard me. She. You've done. He. took. Off. Again. He got. Here. Go ahead. Pick. Purpose. Was Quite An adventure. So there we go. We solve the case of the. Out in the backyard. Watching. A rough cut. Very. Very. Long time to making. I've had the pleasure of seeing this thing. Is. Good. Let me tell you. Right. I don't know what else. To TAC. TAC, in sporadic project finding finding antic will we will meet in the digital age either even extra digital extra digital. The pleasure of being. Interviewed by Maria, Humphries from strong body strong soul. I would suggest checking out her podcast I believe it is up. Now she might be putting it up in a in pieces. However, if you go to facebook because we we went through zoom she interviewed me through zoom fellow podcasters she helped out with the the collective film festival actually. She. We we talked through zoom, and then she uploaded through facebook you can actually see our full interview. On The. If you go to strong body strong body strong soul. On facebook, you can see that it's about an hour and a half lot of bases are covered. You know when you're talking with people who Love doing the deep dives and and and have such an interest in. Learning about a wide variety of things. It's quite. Mind Bending when you When you can really go into all these various subjects and see how they all connect to each other and. Just one of my one of my favorites, one of my favorite things to do so yes, I would suggest. Check it out. If you WANNA hear it, you don't have to but. Plant the seat planning to see. Eight. Oh. My Gosh. Okay. Funding how you applied for the applied for the planet of the apes and then she said, well, we're looking for white guys who go. Well, I can I can blend in and the next thing you know you're going ape school learning how to walk like an APE now i. Go you didn't have to know per day are to cast on eight x eight. So, they were looking for our patients human. Humans Humid, light. Like. Like Bam Bam Bam oh okay gotcha. They cast their look. Caucasian. African Americans and. Guy Expert ball players. They will and I'm like eight. That was told enough and everything, but it was cast out. And I said, you know what? I'll pursuit for you. And I caught him in. Gobble Roommate was eight man he he made a lot of money man. So you were on for how many weeks three weeks but he was waiting for months. Oh my gosh. What did you? What? What seen? What did you have to do for that three weeks shooting shooting soon? They will soon Sony Studios in the city and they had it all hooked up to the. Man has lost so inside. Look like a jungle in there. Oh, my God, i. Zoom. Eight until. Tomorrow. God. Must. Have Been. Terrifying. Those other humans in there it's still a little crazy here. Oh. My God. That's nuts and I saw myself when he couldn't he was the Kennedy? And I can tell you they're gonNA be right there Oh my God I had so much. That was wanted to boost. All that is so Funny like. An my roommate, he worked three months. He's ritual. Why were everywhere? Where did he do? What was his? What did they? Also, he added to the. Base was money to all my guy. I. It knows full me. He may back then like. I think it's so cool that just the fact that you to happen to be roommates in. Your own view. Now. That was the best time that was two thousand one. Yeah Man. I had fall on that set. That was Loud. Wow, but we saw tony. Cool. Sony Studios and they made it to look like a jungle side. They said it's like five billion inside overnight guys. I do we had from eight. You know. Staff of people all. All. All night guys, that's the first guidelines face. Hollywood movie. Axe Oh. Find. You running in. Oh man a fun. Wow. Wow. Did they have like I mean? What how many hours did you work on that thing? We'd stay me I can imagine. Coca, hold my Gosh and then those people in suits. How often were they I? Mean were they know suits all day long? It was finding all day long dude. In. New. Orleans. Going I can tell you. Thank you. So. So he could, could you ask so people could actually still talk through the. Was Ahead Michael God. Have a camera. Feel. Fun what a crazy situation to be in. It was all night gus I grew up watching like the old version of planning the so I can only imagine I remember when I saw a casting, call out to be the apes and then I think I was too short or something or they're looking for guy you got to look into how God man they had certain heights restrictions right? It was like it I want it Oh God I would have been so crazy to have been eight. So we see your buddy what kind of stories did he tell you about having to wear having to wear the costume all day? You like he had like A. Whole hour last night. Sight God. Monkey, silver was that lake around like around lunchtime did you see all these people taking their heads off? Get. Hit mansion sitting there eating their potatoes. They got their heads sitting there next to. Like Breezy Really. Dig Out. Really, wit. They went crazy Tony was so puke. Big. Old Mike protection. These big fuzzy. On my that is so crazy, you follow me. Your. Message. Swell interesting. Interview you for my podcast, some time and. I looked up a great speakers talk would've? Oh that's great. Great. Talking Own It. I love it. Yeah. Man You need. This is about human. That White Lady said. Do he said I'm a casual as a human all. Right That I could do anything. Like it was funny because you just you just open up possibility in the universe. Let's see what happened to you guys since see. Game, your story when I was born. Always like like Cartesian always gravitated towards me. And my mom and I told my mom said I love it. She say Brian Not we haven't when you was boone. Don't you know you know when you get? The babies and did you have to put the babies in a certain thing? And, you got reason you notice your because your wristband so When I got. To. The wrong family came to the white and what? So they say. Mama says she was looking she didn't know. She was looking at she says, she remember how the white family had an husband loves so happy to nurse came say home. So sorry, that's not your baby. And my mom was. Seen, face on that way. He could he man? He thought I was his baby. All my guys is. Awesome I say Mama no I have. I. Get gravitate towards. Free we're from. How interesting. Like, getting itself is a comedy special. Because then the guy's wondering. Where where's my wife been? Become. Hey you need. Money. You take care. Have a good one. Oh. My God what a funny guy what? A Funny Guy Standing outside of the comcast building here the the Yeah, we're looking at the comcast building here. I just got done hanging out with Mark Web on the way back. We noticed that black plumes of smoke coming out of the top of the Of the building and now the the fire. Firefighters have just showed up and. So we don't know if it's a fire what's going on? What are they? So crazy. How firefighters even? Howard firefighters even know. How to get there. The water up there I mean, what do you do in that situation? Wow. Let's good. They showed up. Long while supervising walk around in front answering questions. I said Dude you're about to have a major fucking response here. And what how is he saying? Spoken and talking on the phone. But these guys the worker said, they turned on the cooling towers which would explain the exhaust. So might be so. It's probably machine area there. Cooling tap the Cooling Towers is. You. Cooling. Units. How that you know I, was sitting here thinking to myself how the heck would firefighters with all their water on their fire trucks here What do you think the? They went into a standby. That's what he was saying as we were pulling away goes I stamp are. So what they do is the standpipe is water that comes in and that struck hooks up to it more vice versa or they can pump water couple of fire either and they'll pump water into the standpipe which supplies the building. They don't have like fulltime running water to the His fire for fire. So they could plug it directly into the building itself. Truck truck runs a line of fire extinguisher and they went online to the standpipe the standpipe. Martyrdom wo sprinklers and all. Mention incredible. So then what when they get up there, they just plug on into that too. Builder my God. Straighter Line Street. Transfer I had a feeling that was going to be a fucking brutal spots look. fucking there going. Wow. Were regardless of what these guys say. They turn on a fucking machine. There's still GonNa go through the roof and check it out right? Right. Gosh man because I remember when they those universal fires had that that was a huge deal there you really we were pulling. Off York street all my cash. To Man, we fucking food the back aid hoti supposed those fires started. It was a a want to say, a welder's gun was left on something. Accidental but a word worker. The boy and you happen to be fair. Now we have homemade but our show was on new. York. Street. So we were there trying to save the fucking. The Camera Truck Oh, my God, I can't remember we. Reporter Structure Fire To. Up all my gosh. While Nah just popped up in the told them I don't overdo fire I see smoke. Right. Oh boy. Crazy. While the other decided to do that. You know I worked for speak I. You know those are my peoples. Just, talking with my buddy Alex smart yesterday and. Talk, about the idea of him I don't think that's that's ever been a religion out there. God. ISM. I've never heard of that term before so. I just thought, okay. What would be God Ism? We'll God ISM. Is the practice of. Allegiance to the reverence of belief in Gods. So. They believe in the belief of God's. So. God is is someone who believes. In those who believe in God's O or the heck. The belief that Gods exist that also encompasses it as ms believing that God God's exist. And You know I'm very strict God Est.. And what they do is they just they march around you know just proclaiming that God PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED To believe in the Gods, they wanNA believe in maybe it's something like that. They want guide equality for all. Now it'd be cool. Guide. Equality for all. There's there's no god that trump's in God. God's work with each other. Together in some way in some form or another. and. That's just how it is. Very simple. Easy. Simple. Easily. explainable. A. Got Him. The belief that Others believe in God. That's also part of it to me. It's it's the belief that others believe in. God. It's also the belief that. Gods exist. It's belief in the idea of God's existing. anything involving that. and. So yeah equal equal rights to all gods. It's the first religion that encompasses all of them. In the find some way some really good way to combine all of them. In talk about how they've helped each other out through the years. That'd be pretty cool. Pretty, cool. Got His. Write that down in your. Dictionary. Brata what do you think about all the? NBA, Games, and they're putting the pictures of people in the seats like they're there. It's Kinda like they should put blow up dolls, right? Don't you? Stadium. Right or cutouts maybe that's better. Behind machine taking you with me as I go off. Team. I rent. I only have about six minutes here till the hours and I try to get this under. Our. So I'll put it this way. I am not. Sports Guy. However. I was it. My Buddy Ryan mcgonigal's house one time. And he happened to have. To have. You Show me how baseball is these days. And he's talking about how they they Nixon the sounds of an audience and then. They put like cardboard cutouts or something in the audience that would be funny if they're blow up dolls. I'm thinking. I. Mean this would be a perfect opportunity for them. If there are companies that wanted to get. You know get. Get pay advertising paid for advertising. It would be good for them. To get one of their people. different companies. To probably put their mascots in I'm just thinking. You know of course from A. Corporate. Perspective here. I just found a couple of pennies. On the ground. so I think it'd be awesome if they consulted the. Makers of mad magazine, Mansion Imagine some of these people who has like Dan magazine is just famous for that. They'll do a parody of TV show or movie or something. And they'll. You know they'll. They'll supplement the. The extras, I'll just call it. They supplement the extras with various. Famous, people in there. Might catch et hanging around. So. That would be a really you know that'd be kind of interesting. See if there are movies that are coming out. They want to advertise their movies, they put their characters. Right there into. The audience. Like no way. That's John Wick or holy cow. I see Mickey, mouse or what have you? So I think that would be a lot of fun. Or. Hack. Even people who are fans of The Fans of these particular sports if they were to. You know maybe they pay a certain amount of money. And then they are able to get there. To get themselves. On the screen. Maybe, they could put themselves right into the game. Here they are. Sitting behind the the pitcher's mound or what have you Maybe, Jack Nicholson will start doing that at the at these NBA Games. They'll put a cardboard cutout of them out there. Maybe they're doing that already I don't know. It's it's quite it's quite interesting. You know if they put a bunch of, let's say green screens back there. They could they could see in anything. In Real. Time. That might be something interesting. To See. This do stress the woodsmen and you're listening to Inspir-? Auto Project.

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Kanya Sesser | rolling to success

The Travel Wins

46:57 min | 9 months ago

Kanya Sesser | rolling to success

"Hey welcome to the trouble wants. Podcast my guest. Today is kanye sesser. She's a skater surfer activist motivational speaker. Model paralympian you got a lot. Going on ab take kanye. How's it going for having me on the podcast. Do i'm doing amazing. Detained there but really good and happy. And and yeah bill. Pretty stoked talk to you. You're a professional skateboarder. And i love here. I watched some your videos. And i like. I roller skate a lot. So i roll strand and actually one of our friends is professional. Skater has had seen yet out at the venice skate park. Wow love hearing you talk about all your trucks to lose tie tired or you're you're you're you're fifty five and phones and kind of cool. Thank you so much yes I went to the x. Games last year Back in two thousand and nineteen Do job or two thousand hundred. I was like the first woman. No i adapted woman escaped with all the other Men out there at the x. Games it was a really fun experience if you can't get my listeners. A quick background about your story. I know you've told a million times. But yeah i i do not mind at all So a brief summary about myself is. I was born in highland. I was found in park chunk. Thailand and I was wrapped in a blanket when the older gentleman and a woman found me so they come to get we around dawn. I was out there for. At least like i don't know a day maybe a Our seventy seven hours or something. Because i was all dirty from the street. The cars that were passing by. I had and i had like insect bites on mean stuff but i wasn't there more than like at least a day or maybe like over like eight hours but Yeah they found me and They took me into their house but once they in my blanket up that was wrapped in they found out that i have any legs was born that way and there was no like indication of like surgery or anything. Like that. Just like normal skin and mike. Okay wow this person. This baby is for lakes and her mother or someone dropped her off like a while ago so they took me into partial hospital. That's where i started like becoming Like their own family there. Until i was happy. Go to my thoughts. Their home in bangkok thailand but a lot of nurses at hockey johnny hospital. They really took care of me and make sure that i was like healthy before i went to my foster home and then my foster homes. That's when i got adopted from oregon mother here from the united states that came and got me and when she saw me she wanted me not just because they didn't have legs. If you feel. Oh my god i feel so sorry for this girl like knows seeing got me. Because she's like i really like feel connection towards her and i want to like take her for myself and like raise her as daughter so i came to america when i was around six and a half to seven years old and i didn't even speak english fluently like english and is nine so Yeah around nine years old because I all i knew was high back then and most people say well. You don't have any accent. Well it's because my mom is a english teacher. Oh yes so. He pretty much taught me well on how to speak english and english and I like i was thinking in front of the mirror talking to myself. Because i didn't have anybody else to talk to you and so it was kind of like because i felt like nobody really understand me or like understand what i wanted at the time but i was young and the it was kind of hard like growing up. I guess when. I was a kid because it had to deal more of like people understanding me. It wasn't really like is it. Was it tough for me. Because the fact that. I didn't have like i pretty sure it was kind of tough for my mom. Take care of me because you had to go to class or like be pot by someone That knows how to work with kids who are disabled or differently abled So she had so she did a lot for me. So thank you for my mom james. He literally like went like over the pop to raise me and make sure that i was raised right and she also made sure that i had whatever i needed when i was in school because i was in elementary school. And by room Talk in oregon and she made a class playground for people with wheelchairs back in place because the playground with kind of up on a hill on a like bark tip or bark does and i couldn't even get through my chair on that or kind of hard for me to go like play with other kids. So she's like you know what i'm gonna make I'm gonna make like you know her. her yeah exactly like about not just me but other kids who aren't will care. Yeah so my mom is a frigging angel. Like it wasn't for her. I want to be in what i am today. to be. Honest that has the connection with sports has connections with Many other like things like she's the one that got me to wheelchair sports and wheelchair tennis and got me. She's the one that like did a fundraiser and like Did a lot for me to get to the olympics. Because you know you can't just like it to olympic any type of money or sponsorships that makes you go there. You know so. She did a lot so that woman is a blessing you know. It's interesting as i have two adult daughters now and i. It's it's interesting to see them grow you know as a parent. You never know if the things you're doing for them will make a difference in their lives down the road if they're even remember it with your mom did. Obviously the fruits are there. I mean you're you're living vibrant life. You're out there you know so. I'm curious a lot of people. Now look at you as a role model who but well who were your role models. Well first of all going to say you know. I think most people it hard you find mothers and people that can be connected like that you know. There's a lot of people who come to me like. How did you get you where you are and like how did you get all this and stuff. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by people that love me and have the and like have the opportunity that i need being taken care of. Most people don't have that like like you know support and like people around them actually love them actually most people that are like abandoned they get into homes that like you know that aren't good for them and they get abused or they or their with a family. That doesn't really know nothing because foster home. Buster care usually like don't tell them any other disability or mental abilities that they have because they're trying to sell the kids to families they want to kind of like you know. Give kids like to a house and stuff so that way they can bring more kids into foster homes so My role model would have to be. I don't know i don't really have over. I never really have a role model. I feel like myself is a role model because the okay. I don't sound like you know like Like salvage or like one of those people. Like i feel like i'm because like every thematic did like it's like through my soul my family and people that's around 'cause i didn't really like look up to anybody or like think you'd be like oh. This person has like the same struggles and like who. I can relate to this person. I never really. Because i feel like everybody's different so i never really had role model is kind of like just thought myself as like i bought myself. I an independent person also govern and like but i know that i can do anything and kind of make my own name. Are you still. Do you still talk to your mom on a frequent basis about what's going on every time we every day yesterday. She'd text me like tang right. Well she takes me recently that my grandma died. Text me about like How much like texas. and how. Jeff and mike. Yeah we mostly every day and Right now she's getting a little older than my dad. But there's just like you know somehow home. She's retired substitute teacher. She's a retired teachers. You say when my dad he's retired and stuff like that so A lot of my family. They're like kind of doing their own thing. And i'm kinda my own things as well but she's doing great as far. He's just had her surgery last month. on her on her ankle or something but other than that he's healthy she's fine and everything's good so fortunate to have like that. You know my mom okay. My my dad's okay too so it's a big blessing big blessings because you know every day it's like you never know what could happen and like you always got like appreciate what you have and always like you know even when like you know. Our family isn't always perfect and we don't always like like you know there's time i like. We argued or like there's times where we just like kanter county but at the same time it's like still be around them and still like Still give them what they need because they're not here longer. You know then next thing it's your turn to get older and like you know it's our turn to show The next generation of what we've learned and what we've gone through so that your life isn't long well i feel. Life is can be long but life. Blyth's has its purpose because our soul. I feel like our soul and spirit still lives on after this so i mean Bodies still but yeah. Yes interesting. Because i think out of all the negatives of of the covid lockdown and there are many some i mean i i and my wife gives me her about it but i was trying to look at the positives of it and so i sit there and go like you were saying like your your mom's still alive. Your desa live in boyfriends hell. Everyone's healthy you know i. I think it's made us look back and go. Hey yeah this sucked but we got our health. Well haven't here. We'll keep moving. That's funny because i was just like talking to my boyfriend about you know even though music isn't going on which really sucks and even though like you know we're not working as much or work is limited because kobe. But i'm just like yeah but like think about it. We're still living. Were still breathing. Like that's like you all those stuff and come back eventually but like the fact that we're still alive because there's people who have covid that leg are going through like hospitals and stuff that they don't even know that could make it like you know so. I always say like you know. I need your alive. And you're living in your healthy that's all it matters. Everything else materialistic and everything else can come later in life and i know it's hard right now for everybody. I mean you know for everybody. Anybody no matter who you are what you do. It's hard for everybody because we're in this world of unknown and even the fact that We news lately that the vaccines are limited to certain areas and people even a little bit vaccines coming out and stuff like that. It's not gonna be the same. It's just going to be okay cool. We can go back out now and so they got no. There's like fashions and stuff that we still going to be paying. The most important thing is just like don't put yourself in negative mindsets the whole time of this just because you don't get your way just because you don't get what you mean. You just gotta understand that you're living you're healthy and you have a house like roof you know and another chance. Yeah exactly. i feel like people who don't really appreciate the league. Want more and it's just like why you're letting that's all it matters. What makes me happy is like living. I think it's a bounce right. I mean obviously. I want my podcast to do better i want. I want to make more money. I want my day job to do better. You know yet but it's a bounce of hey be thankful for what you have because obviously i mean we just had a friend pass away from covert too so sorry well really My my friends Friends just packed away from and then my other friends Her her Grandpa is going through cova head and he just had his birthday and everything seemed fine and and it was. Okay like kissing healthy Like a week before and then like she had cooled it and stuff and like whoa. You were just healthy so a lot of people. It's it's an interesting time right now and with you know like we're like with you know the politics situation and all that stuff is just total craziness like come on because i really like matter at the moment like there's people dying so other than that i try not to get into politics and i'm not really into that but i'm just i the end of the day i just like you know i. I appreciate the fact that like. I'm good and like yes. I'm i'm still making a little bit money as much as i can. But like the fact that. I can just 'cause once everything's starts back to semi normal and like you know things are happening again a couple years from now and all that stuff you just gotta look back like. Hey you know what. I appreciate the days where i can. Just relax not do much now. I'm doing crazy shit. And i kind of need to read you. Know they'll appreciate it. I was gonna ask you how. How has the lockdown affected you. Because you're doing your public speaking and and you're in events where you have to show up but obviously that's all been kind of cut back. I mean how. How bad has it affected you. And your business goodness Well okay. It's not too bad. Just because you know i've done a lot of roles and and movies and tv shows that kinda like gives me residual supporting system But at the same time like being busy we I mean we have like photo shoots and stuff like that but that we work on and we did it. So that part of our side job as well but That's what my boyfriend. I do but just kind of like around here in texas and all that but lately i've been safety wise and like getting tested and all that That i've been travelling a little bit but mostly for work or business reasons. Reasonings and all that and Mixture like you know. Say safety precautions in mixture. Like you're going for certain like certain situations and south but other than that like It's not been too bad. I i dislike not been too bad i had a. You know i had a little like A little august send. I can't say at the moment. So i mean i mean and and with other photo shoots pretty much right now. I'm getting sponsors and people like hey we want to you. Hey we wanna like we want these photos if you can make you know we'll send you bits but like we'll also pay you also kind of like working kind of like in the office in the studio But other than that. I've been also on the news for cnbc and telemundo. So i've been kind of like say my working but not too much. Like i used to. So i'm like yeah but at least i'm kind of i definitely not been motivational speaking. I haven't been doing motivational game or like traveling long long flights or anything like that for that. 'cause obviously you know doing the situation but other than that. I've been doing other like jobs and stuff. I just got a new agent and mike Been working with them so everything. Everything's good for me. And i appreciate what i got when i have for now but i know that more opportunities and things will come in the near future. Once things can settle down well. That's the one thing i've learned. I mean everybody. That for me like i travel from my work. Everybody you you have to adjust how you do things you know that because i've talked several public speakers that's all they did and it's like house you're outta work. I'm not dissing motivational speaker. Also like an actress on the stunt person but everything you have to get tested before you working stuff and make sure you're okay to do the job so pretty much. You're safe but Yeah i i do more than just motiva- motivating speaking my other jobs. Also like acting and and Audition his from home now. Not in studio so me and my work when we have our own studio that we do. So it's good to get like the professional. And i have my own personal at home editor too so i didn't like kinda like at home. It's like making money that way. Well guess i mean. Obviously i think that's smart. I mean it's it's but yeah d- were you set up that way before cova or cova create that. Kobe created that you'd be honest. If it wasn't like you'd be honest. I think kind of the positive. I don't know about anybody else but i'm like you know to be honest. It wasn't for the pandemic. I probably wouldn't have met my boyfriend who i've known for four and a half years we've known each other for four and a half years but we never really actually hawk seven hours six hours every night before active here in texas. I met him because of kobe. Because we're just like talking back and forth 'cause he lived in texas and i lived in la Well south bay. I lived in ranchers cows mertens area and my apartment was. Actually you know Gonna like be done. And so i was trying to figure out where i'm gonna move next whether i wanna move to like somewhere cheaper. That's like around. La but kind of off like mostly in the valley because it's like freaking expensive to live by the beach with me. But i had a cars. I can drive anywhere too Or moved to arizona which is like cheaper. But you're not too far from california and you can just drive but But i i was like i know i found my soul mate and i found somebody who's who met for me so i moved in with him because it just felt right and it just still instant so i just moved in with him and mike literally just moving with him after like a couple of weeks up just like talking to each other for like you know because we known each other for a long time and it just seemed natural and and here we are like eight months later and we're going strong stuff haven't really like you know got bored over us yet. Doc- bed but i don't think so i think it's i think the fact that he works and i work and we also create and we're the same person but him in from oregon and my parents are only hour away from each other and his parents. My parents are exactly the same. It's crazy we didn't even know this until we actually like mets so like Yeah so everything works out perfectly and find just like being with your double twins some ways to my my wife and our sandler because yeah when we start talking. We realized that our parents like i thought she was talking about my dad when she was talking about her dad so we had a similar. Our parents were raised us very similarly. Yeah that's what my boyfriend. And i like. We raisin similar like the fact that him are both oregon and the way how we were raised is like what matches us the most. So yeah so at mel's like he's photographer and he travels as well as musicians or so. We can live anywhere while we work. It collects it connects because usually and relationships. There's like like Things that you have to work out on for like you know differences of work but him him and i work freelance like move. We work on our. We're self employed so pretty much. It works out frames and we're unique so we're not boring very true. Yeah you can ask you. What's because you you were born without legs were as i had. I had A dancer on who got into a car accident. Shoo shoo Got amputated below the knee. And so but that. That was a big change for her because she was in her thirties when she went through for you. You've never known any different like i. I love acne. Like con- you. How do you like do it. How do you like not you know like what makes you just like. I don't know like. I feel like i just like obviously i'm not i mean i don't think i'm normal even like in my head not normal because they think differently than most people but like i just feel that physical body. Yeah i just feel like cool. That's like when i was when i see people i got older. I didn't really hear that. They have leagues. Like the fact that. I look different than most people. I just do my thing. And just show them what i can do. And i'm like who i really care. That's great you have. I don't have legs we Like you know. I don't really think like oh. I wish i had legs so that we can do this. And this and this no. I don't need that like you know obligation for that. Just because i just do it. There's just different business different from most people. But i still do something that's capable you know. And i don't really think further of like of that situation. And i always like put myself in like hey no legs no limits that's my motto. That's always been my motto and it's just You know I guess. I just see life differently because other people with leg or people that you know. See somebody through are different. They're very intrigued. And how they live their life. And it's like understandable and it. It's at questions. Instead of assume i had a lot of people assume that i got into a car crash so i was like in a war. Oh my goodness. I had a. I had an old license plate because the band. The car that i got it from wasn't wasn't a dealer was from somebody who is selling their car and it was a cheap so i got it and it had a veteran lessons on it. Somebody saw me trying to get gas the other day. Hey i want to give you free death. And i just wanna say thank you for serving in our country like thank you. Thank you for serving. And i'm just like oh no no no no That this car. I bought it from somebody who was a veteran. I'm not trying. I was born slaves. And then they're like looking at me and they're like well. I wanna give you gas anywhere. I'm like no no no keep your money like it's just so funny. How people kind of want to like please you just because like for certain reason. But i just like dude. I'm good like i don't need that extra treatment or when i didn't have a car uber driver just like this. This made me kinda mad. Got out and then try to pick me up. And i'm just like excuse me i never asked you for help. I never asked you for like if you can take me up. That's like against violation. And i just thought like i report the uber and i'm like what are you like you know like just because you see someone who's different and they're not struggling like it's good to ask for help you know like good. Hey you need help you. I need help you know instead of just assuming and just like picking me up and then i'm a guy. I was country in the face. So you know it's interesting. I told you earlier lex. Gillette the plunging heroin said the same thing he said when he goes to an airport especially if he's been there before he kind of knows where to go round and you know he might say. Hey the gate at of where's this. Where's that and as soon as they do that. they wanna put them in a wheelchair. Yes because they're not because it's against the rules against for if you're not trained in guiding somebody that's blind injured in your guiding them. They they could sue you or you can get in trouble so yeah i think for them is to put them in a wheelchair and he's like i do not want wheelchair. I noticed when i travel out of the united states like a out of america. I've noticed that. I can't be sitting at certain rose or sections of deceit. Because of my safety. I'm like wait. I want to sit by the window. They said i'm not allowed to sit by the window. is only if i'm traveling out of the out of america Because it's for safety reasons and it's like are you kidding me. I don't like to sit in the role like row areas. There's people and i just like kinda like the corner mostly just like thing a windows. Yeah and so. But they're like no. I'm sorry man. You're not allowed to like the window for safety reasons and i had other 'cause i i'm i'm like no fight it. I'm a fighter. I'm a fight to get my way and let them know like it's okay. But i had five people like come up to me and i had to talk to you the security. Are you good fucking kidding. Me like come on. I wanna stay where i wanna to sit. Yeah so it was. It was an issue and and they wanted me to wait for like Like the chair. I'll chair one time. I didn't i was like i don't get fucked. I'm just going to and they're going to kick me out of here. okay. So i just went like The lady like they're a ma'am ma'am. Nah your chair. And i like. I got this and i was just walking down the stairs and they were shocked by chair was there and then because they didn't allow me to do my own shit like go through that like i all by myself. I mean now. The fact that there's kovin i'm more i'm more lenient on taking the i'll chair because i don't want to touch anything so i'm like you know at that but not reasons i mean not because yeah yeah exactly so i just like but it's just like i hate waiting and there's like so many people that you have to wait for and just like ooh but yeah so yeah it just just kind of annoying when you have to go you know. I think when people like they're being too nice like they think that they're being nice and they're doing something good. They're actually worse. That's and that's why. I wanted to get you on the show so people that listen because you know most of the people that listen to my show business travelers so we're traveling either cars or in planes and i think it's good to expose yet just to make make it more of a normal thing. Yes it's i you know. I've been traveling a lot throughout my years. And like i feel like a lot of people i mean around here knows made because i talk for the paralympic. I travel for work. I travel for like many others. I mean even the people at the dallas airport like. Hey we recognize you people. La we know you like they you know so like no out chair right or you know usually or like so so i'm used to like you know getting an even to thailand. They know me. So it's it's easy once you keep like travelling at multiple places many times that the that hopefully the employees use that still works there. They're like oh no you okay. We know what you want and like it just makes it a little easier in all that one day. I just want my own jet planes so that way. I don't have to deal with other people around the plane and using yeah someday but they're like two thousand dollars. Mike ten thousand twenty thousand dollars a day to like you know take were playing but one day when day. It's just money. He's got figured out the way to get around. Yes you just like. I mean i know some million millionaires but like i'm not like one of those people that they pay us her jet wet like. Yeah i mean Usually big projects like big motivational speaking politics. And all that sometimes like they'll let me in a private plane depending on what it is. But usually i get like first class All the time so it kind of like it's a little like reading room but other than that Yes it's it's gotta make my way up. There is that way. I don't have to worry about anybody from kind of curious. Show you start skateboarding. Did you start getting around skateboard for fun or it just or was it a mode of transportation i started. That's funny Mala nine years old. I started skateboarding. Because my my friend that was my neighbor in my neighborhood Her brother skate. And i tried the skateboard. And my first tenth was going down the hill and it felt so fun and I just wanted my own ever since. And once i got my stake where i just everywhere i go with my skateboard and it care. What but Yeah everywhere and like. I went to the twelfth and skate park and worry again and just like skated every day after school after class and it was like more of a transportation i mean like obviously. Sometimes i'm okay. I'm very cautious of like cars and like what happens when i like go streets because people don't look people are very like reckless on especially in la like no I would like right down from like westwood. Always santa monica down that hill. You know From barrington plaza. Street only down in santa monica and like mills. Yeah from hills but people in california they don't care even like no and you and that's why there's a lot of like incidents like with skaters that's out there and they hit by cars because like you know as reckless as we are we also have to be careful like what's going on but there's just a lot of activities and things like on the side of the road as well and car. I mean like one time. I was going down and car was coming out of an alleyway but it was like a big truck like semi truck and i was like holy shit and mike brand kinda like stopped it and like saved my life but other than that. They can't see me because i'm shorter than most people you know. Obviously i don't have legs. I'm like twenty nine inches. That's almost like receipt so it's like scary but luckily like gawker forbid. Yeah since then. It's just you know you always have to be careful even with legs without lay down when my wife are skating. We we've been almost hit by cars and work with our skates on. Were sixty tall. You know what i mean. Yeah people's actions in the way how they don't really like looking where sometimes like they love you but like people can be like things so fast and like you try to go. But you're okay. I think i'm good to go out and there's a skater or like a scooter especially motor scooters just goes by so fast that you know it so yeah it's just something that both sides have to be careful when you ride and stuff and we like to have fun but it could end up really bad and we don't you know. I got wiser now when i was younger. Young players levallois at that and all that like no. I think you many words stories on like okay. I need to be more wise on certain things wall stuff so yeah. This is funny. Because the first time i went to escape park which is in hermosa the little public community park you. There's no one in there. So my wife and i i never been on. I just learned how to. I've been on roller skates for like six months. And of course. I'm like hey what's park was it in. Hermosa ran appear have been asked a tiny little park. But yeah the kind of role part that has one side. have Renting the other side. Yeah yeah. I've been there right by by right by the tennis court right. Yeah yeah yeah. And i used to go up a little center island there. There's a little it's just a transition ramp and hey honey film this on on it. I'm gonna do this and she goes. What are you doing. I said we'll just film it. Because i didn't want to tell 'cause i knew. She told me to stop. So i do the wheels go out a fall on my butt really hard and i can really hard and so that was the end of the day is my first six months later. My butts no hurts down breath. The doctor. My wife goes shoots. She was there for something else. You hey you should get an extra on your on your tailbone. See what's happening yet doctor yet. You fractured it. Pays the i ride on my butt all the time you see that. I didn't sometimes i fall on. It didn't really hurt. I don't know maybe like just like like kind of like through time. it just it just. It's just natural for me. I guess i'd never really i'll. Dm you the video and you can watch me as i like in this. Yeah i never really understood about that park. Every time i go. I'm not sure it closed or open because there's a date there and like there's always like that homeless person and his wheelchairs. That's like guarding. Or something i don't know but like i always like. Is it open. Because there's barely anybody in there usually know why why because you're disabled person. I suppose you didn't have to but if you're if you want to use that part you have to have a helmet. You have to have a risk arts. You have to have it. You have to have elbow pads and kneepads usually empty because you only get smaller kids in their that. Their parents make them where all the pads anyways and worse wants to get into their teenage years. I'm not wearing pam. I'm not wearing kneepads. And i'm not worried elbow pads and i feel like that's that has to be more like venice beach state park because every time everyone's all or when i go to the snake run people my friends or people would just snake me and i'm just like oh five guys. And especially their transition that goes downhill until you get to a bowl area is just like you. You cannot see anybody and people. There's a lot of people there because it's more of like tourist area but my my My park. That i mostly go through. The most is Harbor city skate park. I really love harbor cityscape park home. These like chill out and hang out and that park. Like i just had a neighbor told me to go up there. Frown western harbor city right by Harbor is in harbor city. It's right by not far from other to skate. Parts southwest well-known. Yeah there's another part that i i've been to his mind but in like you know that big it's That big park where it has. It's like man-made lake and it has a playground that's also a big area for people to run or picnic. Yeah yeah the courts and also There's a skate park. But that's their escape park but the park is like pretty nice had mostly bowls or something and They play along like punk rock bands like locals that usually go there and something that only been there a couple of times a long. My friend go there Yeah that's my. I think my favorite part out of all that went to would have to be linda vista skate. Park in san diego and yeah and I really love. i really love Ob ocean beach. We went through to. Yeah i i know my home in california. I'll be back. But i just need to make enough money to live there. I'm sure they have parks in in austin. Well yeah yeah. Visiting for work definitely gonna work by like yeah one day. I'll live back in california. Because i feel like my heart is in california. I don't know. I feel like a lot of family and friends are in california i. It's just my vibe. It's still fresh for you. Yes yes yes yes. I lived there for seven years. Yes seven years. Yeah but you've only been out there for a few months right. Yeah months like eight months. Now we're gonna move to austin. So like austin i love austin so i have the same. I think i have a same but different bill. For austin versus like authentic. It's definitely skaters scene but definitely like one of those like Cities where you're like high you breed you know what do you what is it. Are you moving to austin because of your boyfriend. Is that the main offense because of work. Oh okay we're we're all moving up there for work. Yeah so. I'm moving up there for work Also i'm moving up there. Because i don't know i just like i lived everywhere. I lived in utah. I lived in canada oregon. Shona i was in california. I lived everywhere nala. I'm living in texas. So i feel like much traveler slash bike my greater slash gypsy You know they won't play if you talk to most people i don't want i don't like too soon for most people but from what i've heard a lot of people like to travel so i mean you kind of living that life where you're doing. What a lotta people wanna do. Yeah and you do it. I think of it i just i just go like yeah when i when i moved to california. I had no more than two thousand dollars in my bank accounts her. Yeah and i like only. I lived different places. I lived with my friends in laguna beach. I mean like lagoon up. I would never live there. It's not really my vibe more. Like don't know different And then i moved from laguna beach to la so l. as more my vibe But other than that. I would like. Minutes westwood koreatown mid city area where like the The mall is that and then and then lived in south bay area and all that stuff i really love self base to be on south bay where it's at but Yeah i'm done with the hollywood like like bow out there. I'm i loved it. I love my family. In fact in. But i'm good with them but like yeah. This guy's good. Everything's i mean. It seems like with your positive attitude that no matter where you end up. It's all good. You know what. I mean yes. It's on i like. Yeah my mom from california. She live she was born and raised here in california but by san francisco. Yeah but i yes. Such a great attitude about it like about traveling what parts. I think i think i do not what i do not like about. Travelling is packing and unpacking and then packing again like laundry and then packing it. Yes i think. That's the only thing that i don't like about twelve. Oh yeah the wait. Another thing i don't like about south is like you have to go through security and like you to like like i mean. Luckily i don't have way line forever but still you have to go through security again. I am in a wheelchair. They put you on side and they check everything making sure. I don't have a bomb in means all that stuff. I'm safe but like i always have to go through that like pasta. You know and so. I'm just like i wanna get to my gay and just go on the plane and thing it's just like going through security go into the gate going onto the plane and then okay cool. I just wanna get to my definition. That's like here for walk. In that case you're joining. All of us are all the same in that boat. Unless you have your private jet where you can just like social security and go inside your and your good. We got to work that out for you. I know there's one day. Do you never know you never know anything's possible. Life is a journey so so just just the normal stuff. There's nothing there's nothing about you because of your disability as far. Yeah i mean. I always you know i wouldn't have to say in perfect thinking about positive continuing because there's times were like personally i don't feel like myself. I'm kind of like us. Not feeling it but i always put myself back into the game mode like konya stuff and i like. Put myself in a space of area when like I'm not to Like you know. I hear people like you know if i if it's something like off bit something happens that you know sometimes like i'm not like i don't feel like myself that i don't try to project that on other people and now it's like make the best out of myself in front of people because i want them to feel happy when they're around me and stuff like that and mike but it's also located talk about things to like certain people that you trust. So it's just you know i'm not perfect myself because we're all human and we like liberal But a lot of people ask me like how do you be full positive how you be so all back. I'm all like i'm positive. Because i like you. Project their instincts to people on my own personal business so when it. When i have to work i work and i wanna like make my game face on when i have to be around people because i have to talk to them about like you know. That's not really about me but about you know. Talk about like what's going on with them. I have to like put my game based on for them and make sure that they're okay and it's not always going to be about me and i think also i'm just like okay cool. I don't really hold things for long. I just go along with life as it is and just like make the perfect and basalt even when days are shitty so because i always have that attitude like it will get better like it will be better. It's all good. It's not today. Today's hot net for uconn. Yeah but tomorrow well. The next day good thing is that you're living like i said from the beginning that's that my my wife considers herself a realist and i'm the optimist being real. Yeah that'd be real than being fake has never be be really yourself and be real with other people and also i've learned out like that i don't always have to be the hero like i can always ask for help and always have to myself like no like because that's that comes out with my stubbornness and also i used to think i'm always right all the time. So that comes out. You know maturity i guess now my daughter's twenty eight years old so now i'm like okay. I'm almost thirty. I'm understanding a little bit more about myself and mike when i learned throughout my years so but i'm still young so i'm still living and mike and it's just learning. I'm still learning every day so all we can do exactly well. You've been an absolutely ideal guest. Thank you so much for. Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure talking to you. thank you again. Thank you so much. I like talking and to me and it was really fun to like. It's no you definitely gonna like gus. They hi kelly davis for me and also you probably later today. When i'm walking the dog that's awesome. Well thank you so much. Thank you kind is great. I appreciate it. You too okay bye-bye.

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Emily May - Yoga and Anxiety

The Flow Artists Podcast

59:30 min | 2 years ago

Emily May - Yoga and Anxiety

"Hello my name is ron and this is the float i this podcast every episode we interview inspiring movers thinkers and teachers about how they find the flow and much much more. I hope you're having an extraordinarily wonderful day on doing pretty well myself. Thank you very much. I i might have mentioned our community class to raise funds for no stomach for cancer in our last episode and we were able to raise over one hundred dollars the last one and on hoping ping to do the same for the next one on the evening of this day the twelve. I'm pretty stuck with how much we raise anyway. I hope you can make along to the next one. All evil linked the show notes for today's episode. This episode features a recorded conversation between myself co host joe stewart and emily my emily may melbourne-based yoga and meditation teacher certified yoga therapist and reichen mazda. Emily does a lot of work around anxiety. Which is the topic of today's episode. Now anxiety is an issue that affects many of us today. We really wanted to release this episode to coincide with how you <hes> katie on the twelfth of september which will be a couple of days after this guy comes out and in that spirit i really hope that you listening out they are okay and if you are perhaps you'd like to reach out to a friend or relative and ask if they are k. and then just listen and i know from my own experience that just listening can be quite difficult to do. I mean that might just be me without overlaying your own personal history onto what the other person is saying but just see if he can listen acknowledge peps empower your friend or relative to ask for help if they needed and then perhaps just chicken on them from time to time let them know that they have your love and support that got a little bit heavy there but before we get onto the conversation with emily. I just wanted to talk about an event. We have coming up at garden of yoga on sunday the twentieth of october at three pm nicole blyth from go slow yoga. We'll be hosting a two hour restorative yoga workshop. This will be deeply early. Ripple workshop that incorporates accessible slow movement and breathing practices suitable for all levels of experience even absolute beginners. I know nicole. Well and i'm sure he'll be prosper days. It will be a wonderful luxurious and soothing afternoon oli. The lincoln s show a podcast dot flow flo addis dot com or there is more than enough from me. Let's get onto the conversation with emily. May breath well emily. Thanks so much for coming in meeting with us today so good too heavy here picture. We could just start with lou bit of your background where you grew up shorts. I'm melvin born and bred grew up in the eastern suburbs of melbourne. I have lived in my whole. Life traveled a lot but of always lived in what brought. UT so that's a really interesting question. I got into yoga about nine years ago and it was a friend of mine came home from london and she was is really getting into yoga and she said we should give it a you know let's go into a class and it was actually save and i mean you're are different now. There's a studio in every corner but edano years ago. There wasn't so i looked up found one unease abe was hard time to find one and found one in glen waverley places and we went. I really liked it. I used to do calisthenics l. cynics when i was younger and i only like this so i after that costs i then found the studio close to harm and did it and i just loved it and within within a couple of months. I'm like i need to learn how to teach this so i did it for a year and then the next year i did a teacher training but one of the reasons why really resonated with me not only because i did calisthenics but uh when i was younger i was actually quite sick. I had unfortunately was misdiagnosed by some doctors in had a little pain in my knees and it's a long story short but i often in a wheelchair was unable to walk and so lots of doctors surgeons with us and some others. That's the worst problem we've ever saying. I was gonna have a couple of neo perations and my dad said nori because i was too young and at the time was little bit frustrated but was actually really grateful and then it was just one it was at my mum's cousin's house in mount martha and she had been diabetic and she had been trying some treatments with this lady whose energy hilo she's like you should try what sort of helped her with her and so on and so i was like so i seek obtain sick. I'm like sure so in a few weeks later. I went down to the frank ston and saw this lady and as soon as she saw me struggling out of the car and try to walk up the stairs. She's like how's your back. Emily nothing wrong with my back combine. She let me on the table and i was completely crooked and she's like you have a problem. You actually have a back problem. The pain is referred from your knees and still to this day. Remember saying to her so does that mean i need to go and have my spine fused and she said i'll help heal your help trait you and within a couple of days days i was walking and my thing that i wanted was that some of my favorite band podium and all i wanted to do he's got to stand up at that concert and left guard that constantly out of stand up and six weeks later i was standing up and ideas and i song came on and i was in tears because i was just if often not stand up my alex would fall underneath me and it didn't happen so so i guess you're fan of the song evenflo. I have heard that same jama. I am a lot. I've heard that song about fifty times so yes. It's a good song but yes yes but it is a good song about flowing so that happened to me when i was attained niger and then when i i discovered yoga and it was my floor is actually someone met through going cinco jam actually when i was doing the like it made me feel connected to my talkers offers which is what my maggie my energy hill was healing on and at that time i've been seen her for a very long time i would i still went and saw her every month because because i just choose a beautiful person and she was retiring and stopping hailing i was the last person that she did healings on and it was around the same time discovered yoga and that's where for me was something i'd for years being going insane her and she was sort of helping rebalance my body and then i was able to do yoga and do it myself to decides to wind up. Did you ever get diagnosed. A somewhat back issue was or was it more of an energetic thing so what she said to me was she was quite angry. Actually really because i was like the worst problem that she had seen and she used to be matron of a hospital to she actually discovered doing energy healing work because she'd being working in hospitals hospitals and then she wanted to do things to help people more and what she said to me she must have had a full and when i was ten i did for some equipment at my primary schools so basically exactly the reason why had as its referred but i used to have my fate used to stick up and i had called fate which is no energy circulating through my body so when she was trading may probably the second or third treatment. She was working on the shock and i remember my left hip. Cont title was actually quite painful and the six weeks when she was killing me. I would say once a week but my body was obviously recovering. I mean i was fifteen at the time so she said because you're younger you will bounce back mall but she puts it down to a full and that's the thing kids can fall when they on and then it can get like nothing's happened. I've been saying a physio for weeks. I used to have my niece strapped upped the things that i would have on my legs and it was actually like i had really bad piney my knees but it wasn't coming from there. It was purely for my back in the energy not going through and that's why it's really important important with yoga. I mean it can really you can really help yourself when you can really bounce back from a number of different injuries because you're connecting with your energy and may not balance it and it's only a few years i used to say to people that maggie healed me and i think i was quite attached to going insane her like when she was retiring that was really hard for me. Because my ooh what am i going to do. I'm sure what kind of as well as treatments made me well like if she goes what am i gonna do but i had several people insight to me since she didn't tell you emily you hold yourself because you can only hail from within but she helped the spice and very very true i mean i'm also iraqi master and i have people all the time saying. Can you hear me and it's like everybody that comes from within certain maggie was an amazing woman. I spend a lotta people down to see her but she would often. I didn't not want to treat some people because she's the person doesn't want to be better. I don't wanna waste my time. I can't heal them because she had a really rare talent. She would say someone like me and she knew exactly what it was. That was wrong with them. Straightaway right talent seems like horrific to me that the actual doctor's saying that you were making it up. I've actually got from top that it was interesting because there are also wanted me to even go and do mindfulness and things like that to deal with pain management but it was actually like it was bad like i was totally crooked and like my fate yeah like up like this and now down sorry. That's why i think luckily my dad was very big on going oh and get multiple pieces of advice and i mean always so close to having both my knees operated on and it wouldn't have worked correct very angry for a long time about <music> out clearly didn't go to school camps imus down a lot of things when i was younger but the thing is i wouldn't have it any other way because also if doctors figured it out i would have had tuning operations and probably back fusion asian whereas true challenge your own energy which is basically what she was doing and that's what can help you. I was able to not have those serious chris operations and the yoga will do you have any ki- teaches there. It's a really interesting question because my greatest teacher probably is coming from maggie so my energy he'll a. She taught me a lot so the way that i teach yoga now is very much about from energy so when i teach a class i very much gauge like i do. You often have plans. Sometimes i because i literally follow the energy in the room so i trained with all sorts of different people. I've trained trying to rocky meditation in in younger. I've trained with probably one of my k. teaches. It's really influenced may has been mcfeely westside year ago so a lot of people know him. He used to as part of a strenuous academy through going to mark's classes. When i was doing my teacher training so i leave toys travel either the bridge across the set and and was his classes and made that was something that really got my passion. I was doing my teacher training anyway but that was what was because again. It was those getting into meditation because yen is those long halts its those mini meditations each time but it was a connection to the shock ribs which i've been influenced by from such a young age so so he's made a big influence and i used to travel over there for about three or four years going to shoot pro and then he actually asked me to teach in the spice or mark spain really great influence may as take a friend a mental and all sorts being he's probably my biggest influence nice yeah we love mike and we spoke to him a while ago on the podcast and yeah we'll said because he used to teach over yeah just just just around the corner me into that studio around just to last year. We were really disappointed disappointed when he stopped teaching beer. He's currently taking a break sabbatical. He'll be back in march is really exciting so he'd he's probably my biggest influence pain your past experiences and the pain that you've had to manage that's kind of roy ni towards working with people with mental health challenges with anxiety and pain. Are there another reason so i guess for me of had that experience when i was young so uh i'm it'd be untrusting of medical people. I always look at the bigger picture after that because when i was unwell all adopters ever looked at with my knees never looked my whole body in terms of where it's kind of gravitated to what i do now so i studied marketing and management at university and so after finishing uni i actually went act in a number of different culprits. I don't know if you guys have worked incorporates but it is a is a different kind of experience until yoga classes offices here so he would highly highly stressed highly strung out people and so that was my that was my everyday and i did that for about fifteen years so it consulting acting banking and one of the reasons since when i was getting into doing your overseers talked about some of the is also was really really stressful and needed something to have for myself so that's where i got into into doing yoga but what other things was that used to come to me and ask me a lot of questions about health and wellbeing and you could tell how stress they were so i was just taking people what about different things to do with the breathing meditational yoga studios. Should i go. Do what should i do. People like oh. I wanna do a teacher training always helping people but i found it really hard odd working in corporate and banking quad stressed and strung out and being around people walk and then going to go through my teacher training and going around these people who really mindful and really happy a totally different vibe and i am very sensitive to energy so i found banding those environments incorporate to be quite challenging from that perspective and so the reason will gravitate retain to what i've been doing is because i've been in those environments and i say this the stress and i say the difference that it's made me doing your gra meditation mindfulness and so i want to help nope those sorts of people a couple of years ago. A few of my friends have passed away due to mental house and won a couple of years ago really struck me quite deeply and so i looked into a to a lot to do with mental health and anxiety in particular you know a lot of people take medication and that's not necessarily the solution and obviously with my background with what happened to me when i was younger. It's always what what is the bigger picture so. I've just been exploring lots of different things so i found that yin yoga is a really great way to be able to do that because it gets people out of their mind and in corporate environments high stress they people just saw in the head to kennedy still so that's that's where i've just been exploring that and i've found last year actually stopped waking corporate to do full time teaching and when you do that and when you take not you say table coming in and i can relate to these people start away 'cause i can say it. I can say the stress. I can say what's happening. You know there's a lot of bullying that can happen in organizations that our personal experience bowling and can really have an effect on you but doing meditation doing yoga can really help you try to detach from some of those experiences swick question. Do you ever find that people who are in that state and in a highly stressed environment really struggle with the students yeah yeah i mean i've i don't know how you can sit still and do that because they saw on and that is a challenge for those people like just be still and you know one of the biggest things and i'm a massive advocate taylor. Thank saudi is my finds so i used to have to fines but i had to fines because like when i leave work i'm leaving behind but then you still carrying tote of offices and so you know i did a corporate gig about a month ago and i had had half the people take their to that and i said you have you find at the mat and you need to turn it off and you need to the vibration of and they all kind of freaked out because they're so used to be an on going to do if i miss an email. So what are you gonna do about the email now like that's right and i always want to do shows so it was a workshop. I give people a break in the middle. One of them went up in actually check to find midway. I teach arriaga and in the middle of the class i sometimes readjust the hammock highs and i used to say oh you could get a drink or you go to the toilet and then i found if i said oh just do anything else that you need to pay would prolif- lines out of their bags in the middle of the class where it's at a minute long readjusting their hammocks say now. I'm just saying you can have a drink or go to the toilet. Just my will finds a really bad and the things that like facebook and whenever do with how they try to hook you in like i don't have any social instagram. That's one. I have on my phone because i do do things to hook you in and sorry pertain mental health spice the biggest thing and people who was so switched on incorporates is hard people to have their funds less and i think your garis applies when more and more corporate people going because i always stress the had a why what can i do for myself. How can i feel better but encouraging us people. I mean just come into the studio is one thing but then get ready are actually acquitted yoga studio earlier this year because i would have people they finds would go off and i was very strict about it on my account have funds in studio because you need to be able to you need to be able to switch off so if i give anyone any advice about trying to help people with mental health or any of your your <hes> students is really strong policy about knifings that they have to be on airplane mode. You can't imagine at an even if you don't have a separate space this fellow studios don't have spices alexandra perception area really be strict on and have signs up in those sorts of things because there are a lot of people going here because she radio's who that's the time to meditate that time too and that's what people say to me. I come to your class emily because i want to day compress don't want to i'm anne soy busy z. Going i just want to stop and i think that's where so many of the people come to you are doing if ways teaches studio and his can help paypal really switch off. Stop out with the microphones you know i think we just put a phone off. Sign often out back to stop because i know in the studio where i was teaching. You took three months. I kept asking asking students with getting really agitated. Tweak a navy you teach lock paper in the studio when they're talking really loudly or defines around because you teach differently because i if the teachers on edge and the students are gonna get the same experience as well because you don't want to interrupt the flow of the class with a fine going osei. Here's an interesting our head experiences taking in class. They'll be someone just on their faren off until the very last minute so do i need to put that away. I think so many people are depending on finds these days. If we as community of yoga teaches if we can start in that space but even like the watches a lot of people i know some studios have the mirrors. They won't let people have the watchers either because 'cause that can reflect on the mirror and then you. I'm not gonna affect everyone so studios becoming question about that and i must say i d take quite a few people who work at hospitals and on call which is a reality. This is a private class that everyone does. We're going to hospital and then really good about it like they. They find off to the side. He can't be on solid because it the emergency but they are not checking in on on medical professionals they could because they they respect others as well and so absolutely they're different tribe but i mean i remember i was at a class that dominate i think it was mel and yeah someone was checking her find midway but no really was stressing me out as a student so if you stressing the personnel teacher and other students but yeah medical professionals is a different thing but like i know when i was teaching corporate costs one of the students had said to me all i'm worried right. My daughter might ring any actual. She gets home and i actually said to her. How about you. Give me your phone. Tell me who might ring and if they do i'll come and talk talk to you because otherwise she wasn't going to switch off she was going to get the benefit of that class. So there are a few things you can do beyond the fines cycling that to my question about ash jacques practices of stewardess when your mind is running a million miles an hour. Do you think there's a place for a more wat- active practice for someone who has that mindset to eventually get to that place of students or do you think it's important to you see and sit with that agitation and let it settle gradually over time. I guess another way decide. This type person has really driven and and really ambitious ma respond more fast paced flowing practice because it feels like it gets them to the same place but they can use that energy and i i come from a corporate environment tie into yoga because it reminded me of calisthenics and indeed so i think that yoga the yassa flowing classes are a great guy and i know a lot other people used to do the crime and there's lots of different schools of thought on background. I personally haven't done a class but it's not my thing but i think what crime has done for a lot of there's a lotta teaches out out there that used to be in big room. If that gets somewhat into a yoga studio then that's great and that might be what that person needs for a year or two but then gradually they'll know hopefully try the cost is like you know meditation or they take out of that the meditation in a class of nasa clause then that can help them with and i think that's way when you talk about matt mental health and particularly when it's around anxiety the things that really helped pay pool is meditation and is breathing. 'cause you need to get out of your head it and so if in these flowing classes people do go there for exercise but if you can start introduce the meditation at the beginning being at the end and some conscious running on that's that gateway then if you offer the other slower practices and do workshops and those sorts of things and that's like what happened with living asses and then i went to a couple of mocks causes totally changed my world because i was finding that we just saw relaxing. I just felt amazing and he's five o'clock in class on the sunday night. We'd sometimes i've fifty. Sixty people lined up outside the door because it's just that thing to finish your we can stop the weight but yeah i mean. I'm one of those people i started with the floor. I couldn't sit still now. I prefer the into the floor and i've actually read as well that for some uh-huh hateful even though it is ultimately a really helpful and how who practice but breath awareness can actually be quite triggering quite stressful when you born the first thing you you do breath and utah. The last thing you do is exile. The little people actually don't brave would properly a lot of people reverse breeze and a lot of anxiety can cambay because people aren't breathing properly. They're often breathing chest and they were fists braiding so that breathing in the opposite direction so those sorts of papal if he you can be teaching them plenty on that can becoming it can start again. It's a gateway an introduction into it but obviously with anxiety people can have things like panic attacks anxiety attacks and if you don't know what the that's in a moment way either really quite stressed and one of the k. things to help get out of get out of 'cause you're in an exile so the core of a panic attack is about ten minutes but then they can lingo the after effects for a long period and it depends on the individual vigil but the thing is like spoken to doctors about this they also recommend. It's it's breathing. It's meditating in that moment and so a lot of people who you you know i've worked with a lot of paperwork in corporate environments and they've had a heart attack or something. It's actually a panic attack. That's what one can feel like so that's why a role that yoga detail can really play is about teaching people about breath so i- regulate teach anxiety workshops and i taught one three months ago and one of the students actually knew that that she'd had some mental health challenges and i messaged chair the week after i said how did you going. She said i actually had a panic attack that i said today you take anything out of what i taught gotcha. She said the breathing the breathing i was i would just sit there with that and it was able to help me and you know it can just be the simple breathing of four breath skin <hes> and exile of six so like a counter full for the inhale an account at six because it calms january system. That's the thing and when you have panic attack. Its lack oxygen to the brain. So how can you do that by that by that. Braiding communist system down can really really help so that's an important role so teaching people you know sometimes the the the the box braiding the football spreading whatever that is but we don't we don't learn how to breathe riches bone and you just brave but through yoga got you can teach that like no one's gonna gar somewhere and look up how to learn how to phrase when your class you then start to learn about that and it can you can really change your world. Oh ho ho ron here just popping into let you know about our patriarch page pedro and is just a way that you can help support the podcast from as little as one dollar a month supporters ext- extra special content via alpay show on page age listings on our webpage and shoutouts on the podcast speaking of which i like to shout out twelve lightest to support his click inane and gabrielle boswell well both of these wonderful individuals actually based on the podcast so joe and i would just love to thank you both from the bottom of our hearts we use these funds to pay for some of the episodes to be transcribed so it can be accessed by the haring impede if you'd like to help us be just a little bit more accessible and gained some of the benefits i mentioned just go to patriarch dot com slash flow oddest podcasts or that's more than enough for me. Let's get back to the conversation with emily. May we have a mental health question on our new client form which is actually in in addition after speaking to some people on the cast so i can look around the room and i know in some of the classes is up to light two-thirds or even. I remember one class. It was a small class and those only full people there and i need that three out of those full people struggled with anxiety and written form. If we didn't have that question i probably wouldn't know gosh enlist. I told me or written under the general health challenges question what are some ways that us as yoga teaches as you can see cleanse or use our words to make that yoga's space as safe feeling and as comfortable comfortable for people who might be dealing with these issues and that's the thing with anxiety is that people who have anxiety may not know and arkansas salaam illness because many people have it and they might not marry and then all the paper certainly during nine because even people say there isn't a stigma. There is still a stigma about that. Some people don't want to talk about it but if you talk about in new york studio in class the chances are that if you have ten people in the room and majority of the people that come to your car. I'll women that like in a room so at the moment the stat saw that one in three women will experience an exotic condition. This is wanting five five minutes. Anxiety is more common in women than men but if you think of a room of temple three of those people have anxiety now there. Are they going to know it or not. You may not. I don't know that because you're not they're not going to tell you and i think that's really great that. You've got that on your forms because i think a lot of people or the studios don't have that in people who how to handle that will how to work with that but in terms of people with anxiety that's creating that com- space so a big one is nine. My bell fines. I think talking in studio is because paypal can hangs up quite sensitive so not having that anxiety is fear of the future. It's a fear of what's happening or fear of what people i think so again just talking to people about how don't worry about what other people often say to people in come to my class and you can leinster bosnia the whole tom if you like. You don't need to do anything you all. These things options giving people those options giving people childs pose making it normal like i've gone to yoga classes as a teacher in studios told him and the whole time and the actual teacher is said to me afterwards. You know what emily it was really that you did that concern me. The students push themselves because i feel like i need to do stuff but watching you as a teacher line. Dam was a good thing. I think touch can be a thing that can be stressful for people group stuff so sometimes paper. We'll pay you up in classes. That's like i don't even like that in like one of my favorite teachers used to doing <music> in six. I am classes and just because you got to kind of bain yourself right so i think definitely those sorts of things he's not a teacher. I mean everyone's going to different as a teacher and then as a student with being touched but i mean there's a lot of stuff about trauma like touching students. I think you've got to be really careful about that and so with anxiety because it is a fear of the future it's a fear of what are people thinking what's going to happen and they're showing the head so i think you need to create that that safe space of fines night hawking and everything's an option and really giving that and just not pushing them too hard not making sequences too crazy easy difficult because then they gonna be like oh. What if i can't do it then. I'm you know in their head. They're having this dialogue and warning about what's coming up and they can't have that full experience of the cops us giving options and it's a really complicated sequence. That's like thirty different poses coming at you that ten postures so annoyed at the way that i teach is i like to try and keep it quite simple because a lot of people come to my classes who do mental health challenges who have heart problems who have cancer and they come to my classes because they know that they don't have to push themselves to those crazy ends of the trophy and every teacher has a different. The different tried black people who wanna do the other things to other teachers as well so i think it's important for your studio is to offer something for everyone but you have to take frank's brings audience trying to remove any of those things where they're going to have a fear of. What's coming up when i'm going to have to do so. This is a little bit of a after side question but one of the reasons why i it's helpful for me as a studio on beyond you know as a compassionate tate shut to know what people might have going on in the background. Mental health is silence. Someone just cancels quite a few classes in harari. I appreciate that they've canceled ash and that's not a problem for me at all and knowing that they have mental stop what's going on. It's like well. I can understand that this was not the right way to come to class. I know another teacher and she's wonderful. She has a very small studio and when i was doing turning with her we were talking about people with chronic illnesses physical mental and she actually said that she doesn't really accept <music> people cancelling sessions with her because she feels like if it's too easy for them to cancel it's too easy for them not to leave their house and one mike becomes two weeks and it's really valuable for them to come and move and get that benefit and if she makes it just too easy for them to cancel an opt ashish asia easy to opt out in the future as well. What's your stance on this. I mean not a little cook does a tough. That's a real tough. One so akra phobia is fear of an event rent or a place and that can be quite startling so that that's a pot of anxiety is an sorry sometime. People don't leave the house for a loan like there are people who minor league the house for a very long time busy. Everyone's different sorry the right. Someone is not the right and that's because for some people forcing them out of the house is is actually a good thing but then he someone's had a panic attack on way than if they not feeling that great than going out. It's not want your class to be another source of stress. In their life. I flew and look. I was just talking to a friend just before and he i mean you realize it now but he was having panic attacks but he had these jobs that he really didn't lock and used to catch the train and i remember he i used to ring me and he'd be like i had to try and i was sweating. I was feeling really really on well and he was having panic attacks. He didn't wanna go to the job. He actually ended up quitting that job that even now he was sane nine when a yards the racist when football he actually purposely will go before the football finishes or he'll wait till afterwards because you can often what happens happens with anxiety or fear that you might have a panic attack and that might happen so i think it's going to be a case by case basis. I think for some people forcing them to go to your well not forcing them but they're making it difficult to cancel is a good thing but then for other people not so great because we thanks auto or any mental health this triggers and so that's a really really tough one. I think what it could be's about having a conversation with that person and trying to find out what is going on obviously within your boundaries is because again you're not a psychologist or anything like that but within your boundaries but i think having a cancellation policy that paypal nari so that again as a studio and you can't have someone constantly gently cancelling me fueled. I'm going to be losing income from that but then it's i would be having a conversation with those students to kind of find out what is going on because yes. I'm going to go to some people oh not. I'm actually thinking we have at the studio at the moment and it's just as much we want them to sort of get value out of of what we offer a. and passed it expires at the end of the week and they've canceled three sessions that way sorry. You don't want to miss our. You wanna be really welcoming coming. You don't want to put pressure on people but i know sometimes some people feel really bad when they cancel something and they feel embarrassed to go back yeah yeah or if they don't show up then they embarrassed to go back but i think that's one of those things things audience solid illness. I think that person depending on where the journey it's it's going to be really different like some people it would be really good to be here and i think i think the other thing is i sometimes sometimes i wake up online. But when do you feel worse going to yoga very rarely so it's like having that conversation. How do you feel when you've done a year class so so if you can get them on the final whenever they come if you know that they prime to canceling to say how does not feel after this and then maybe conversation remember remember how you feel now so when the next time you feel like you don't wanna come. Just remember how good you'll feel. I guess it's that thing as well. Even if you come you can let us into the whole time and encouraging encouraging that so it's it's about encouraging sign spice and that's why i am quite big on the inside to people about being really open about choose what you want real. I mean a lot of us. Do it. You a child's poses is your best friend but then creating that space with the fines with the noise with talking and i know a lot of studios also encouraged tolkien and with mental oh house one of the things is people not feeling connected so talking like out at told people can be great and for some people that might be the only adventure out of the house to go to your ago having that at that before and but not when people is seen as the cost to happen in the meditation to beta because it is. There's a really not really good book that i recommend there's a number of different books on mental health but one of the ones i would highly recommend is one by johann hari called loss connections and it is just an amazing book and it talks about anxiety and depression but it's a lot about connections and the things that people really really need it. Also talks talks a lot about medication and those those things because people with mental health some have someone medications someone on a lot of doctors as recommending that people go and do yoga eh focus on your breath so if people want to read more about mental. I think that's one of the things as studio owners and teaches is raid on like that's certainly what i've done. Speak to paypal saw sorry. Katie is something that has bought a lot of attention and that's always on the tha. That's in september most us but then it's not just one day. It's it's it's the whole it's the whole year with kedo that that actually came about because god created it. He's father committed suicide. When he was in his fifties forgotten. The gentleman's name created <music> but that organization and he has listen ten staff. They have eighty five percent awareness within australia just having that simple conversation k. because a lot of the time people people on i've gone to iowa k. events and really senior executives signed had so much stuff going on there live they needed someone saying are you k- just just that that caring so it could even be about that so i would suggest fatigue certainly up on it because people say there's no stigma about mental health but this deal is surgery trion emiss- yourself johann hari's book is really really great. Sarah wilson i quit. She'll go famous. Book shays also got a really really great right book that i highly recommend and i always have to get the todd. It's called. I we make the base. Beautiful dot is a really fundamentally interesting book on anxiety so she experiences bipolar anxiety and depression. I think another thing i wanted to change their language as well about being something that people suffer because a lot of people like most of us are going to experience anxiety at some point in our lives so it's not a suffering. It's a thing that you experience so. I would definitely recommend those two books pedro it'll to learn but you're on harry's in particular is quite it's about depression as well but really amazing. There's one other book that also recommend. It's cold my age of anxiety saudi by a guy called scott startle. I hope i'm pronouncing that ron s. t. a. r. double. SEO but that's also a really good book because it's explaining some of the intricacies it's all anxiety and i think that gets people understanding of what can be happening in someone's mind and their body so that you know that when people are coming to perhaps the experience that they are going through. I said i can put links with is in the show nights as well so i guess we've already touched on this. I bur what are some of the causes anxiety. It's not necessarily just one thing you can be different full every single person that can be conditioned. Sorry for some people it can be genetics but it doesn't necessarily mean if you have a mother other or father grandparent that that necessarily means that you're going to be predisposed to that can be sometimes to do with personality traits through some people can be like perfectionists. It's easily flustered so therefore their energy can be more prone to it. It is something that can develop in childhood if you're anxious so sometimes deluxe like the mother is quite anxious about child that can then obviously having packs as they get older but it's something can happen but doesn't necessarily maintenance thing going to happen to you later in life but it can be triggered and so it's dan when there's ongoing stressful experiences that happen that that's when it can be triggered so it can be things to do with work like stress with work or changing your job. That's why you're on harry's book is really good because it talks a lot about things to do with depression and it talks about like in this modern dialogue i've come from corporate environmental or people that go to europe coming from that native reprieve is what's going to happen and the so many like in the jobs that i had there was a race structure doctor every six months that has ongoing effect on people. It's if you don't feel connected to the work that you're doing. That can be an another trigger. A can be things to do with just having having a baby so if you really anxious about that in the low people's struggle to have children struggling not yet so that can be a major trigger for papal relationship breakdown it it can also be if there's some traumatic experiences are these some of these books are really good like you're on hari spoke. They've done a lot of studies to do with women that were pregnant seven eleven nine eleven then the children and a little more predisposed to anxiety or mental health because of what happened these books are really interesting because i also look at even the holocaust oh cost what kind of happen to people then that can then have a fear of dying and it can have this many fascinating books out there that you can read about things that have happened to previous generations that can then cut imprint on your grandparents in prints on you and when you look at some of the holocaust survivors the grandparent might have experienced unfortunately bane in in a concentration camp and then grandchildren can then feel a thing of suffocation they going to die but that can be something that's happened in the grandparents gone down generations into that person so those sorts of things can happen if fear of dying or losing someone something traumatic obviously domestic violence can be another thing that can really trigger paypal talked about nine eleven but any other terrorist kind of things like that can really make people quite stressed other things can have other physical health problems like hypertension or diabetes. Those sorts of things can perhaps be other things that can go in line with things autumn. It doesn't necessarily mean that you up but because everyone is so different everyone has has different genetics. Everyone has been brought up in different environments so it's quite varied but certainly can be something that can begin when you're young and then it's ongoing things that that your body's then in its you'll never system so you'll notice system is over written by things and then it just khan conquered we know that yoga and mindfulness and breath it can help with anxiety other any other types of practices that can help. I mean anything which you're getting into your body and your head is really good but certainly jason things that can trigger is sugar alcohol and obviously certain nonprescription. Dogs can not be great often. They're tables crutches years well yeah so they can be things and that's why one of the reasons why sarah wilson with their she'll cookbooks was. She knew that she had some health. Conditions conditions that the sugar can be quite triggering so that is certainly something other things. Just simple things like i've always said fine social media. I would be getting off those because again social media. It's about what are people thinking that that fear the future. Oh boss would get off that just simple things like even walking barefoot walking on grass. So you know the chinese you you say just so simple things that they do that so things like even like acupuncture and those sorts of things we really getting into your body. I think things about not taking work home and even mike with study trying to take study breaks. You know simple things like i used to do. It used to eight at my desk. You need to get out in need to have a break surrounding rounding yourself by people that not rather than people that stress you stress you out eating really really good fruit so again eating organic healthy foods is is a really really big thing but anything that's going to bring you into the present into your body and that's awesome great because it it does that and it helps with the meditational. There's two things in fact the food alcohol things it's very interesting because say someone who has been through a break-up or something. It's just like that such a normal society response to be like all right. Let's go get drunk. Let's go have this decadent meal. Let's treat ourselves and i guess it's that shula term you might feel better but then you'll feel like crap the next day and less able to go to yoga all like going by food and then make food yeah slips can be okay but it's really about being really really good foods as often as she can unless i mean mental mental health is such an issue now. Everyone just eats out all the time. When you ate out the food is full of sugar and process if you don't know what is going into that food or what might tricky so and and you know they talk about your pain your second brain and mental health it's to do with your physical brain but then this he can be a big a trigger and i saw a lot of yankees also also joining eight eight during but that can also be a thing that can in some books like when i was reading sarah wilson's book that was talking a lot about that that you can you can be more prone to not be as stressful experiences so aiding good probiotics so whether is that you have the physical probes tablets compare sha sauerkraut coconut coconut yogurt aiding those good bacteria to get your body right because that brian you'll second brian is in your belly and that's why the foods that you ate can aggravate it. I think also i evaded has some really great things around. I bought up to kinda. Let's see oh my gosh. We forget that one. We yoga therapy writer. Training last week was amazing huila. She's amazing mental health stuff as well and i guests that also brings me to another thing the flip side of trying to put really good things in your body really nourishing food like that can also flip into another source of stress in pressure in your life at another feeling that you'll failing if you're not eating organic. Everything and i think that's where it's just again doing the best and everything's everything's about balance everything in moderation but i think i think understanding deutsche's as well like from me. I'm sorry i always used to struggle with spicy stuff. If if i have it it makes me feel so if he can learn about your shoes nor what food tricky then just avoid some of that stuff so where the best you can but it's so oh hot in our current law stalls to be outta do everything if you can do as many things and many different angles and another thing that i was really be gone as well for helping to managing zaidi is just to have a retain to get off at a really yeah yeah. It's about nine if you'll schedules ios or every shot that can create stress just from that and then and i think that's the same with very lucky if you can try and be as regulated knowing when you having food so the body can fall into a patent because it is is that again it's that fear of the future of not knowing what's going on and it can really get yourself really out and we've spoken about some of the things that can just be bad for anxiety just in the general world but do you know of any sort of yogurt practices that might not be so good contraindicated for people with anxiety well it probably say and again i'm not an expert on bickram but probably is not like such stimulated and then if he can't he can't get out then you've got that thing so your anything that's too young. I think i think people need to gravitate to more join ian side of things and that can be the slow flowing close ally sorts of things. I think took part in warwick like us. I'm not necessarily the greatest brightest thing may as well like i'm really big on the property <hes> meditation but audio sound stuff as well and that really helps because the sound is talking adding to the shock resume now but a create com so i guess i mean i go to studio that does play loud music but i can block it out but i guess depending on the trot that you've got eight minutes to any music. That's too loud or what have you could also be something. That's not right for all the students as well. I guess it's about managing. Your students are offering that you. That's going to have some hating breath. Stalls might not be easy. Breath retention issue the burden the bullet he like it's really stimulating breath robot would not be i mean anything that's also letting them get style air as well because people who have anxiety audie are more likely to break from the chest so that and they're gonna breed breathing in the opposite direction so you really encouraging painful to again. Dan braids from your belly. So i've studied reich. He studied a lot of asean chinese medicine india. Everything is talking about your jairo your solar plexus. It's a really breathing out through your belly really filling up through your belly up lifting up through your chest and then going down so it's it's creating like that secularization when you breathing gough and out because reverse brewers are actually reading from the chest down the back of the body whereas you want to be reading rating from the front of your body so they haven't actually heard explained like that before you wanna braid odd does that does that make sense 'cause you're breathing energy up and it feels so that's your energy center so if if you wanna create com as well as vice off up reading up through the and then really allowing it to come because breathing in the wrong direction and it's not their fault that they're doing that. It's just how they've started. Breathing people who've been sexually abused also breathe progress as well and from the chest because if that's happened i just know from where can you people who are kind of shallow chest breathing people of minnesota neck and showed attention as well because if he's our expansion room for the lungs to go down now you can buy more up and then everything feels more handsome elevator on your shoulders and your chest knocking the air. That's how you are when you're stressed so they're not just trips you into that stress correct so even if you can get like a lot of money om it's taught sitting and even people wind down so they can put a hand on the belly and i can feel it going up and and then gained the hand the chest and really feeling that martian because when you're lying on your back it can really really help bring that but yet that's the thing everyone get get stressed and it's all up here because everything's up in your head. It's in its lack of oxygen. How can he bring it down so really using that to calm. I night that there are quite a few deep deep breath practices as well arms are involved and it becomes a bit more of a full body movement which often recommended for people having trouble double feeling in today breath or people just it stops being quite so internal an inward-looking so if someone's not ready for that student us and just being the sensations in their body. It's a way into that we can use your arms and your breath and your body movement so you're still present but it's not quite as confronting as a silent breath. Awareness meditation might be i mean. I guess that's what younger is the right exactly what that guy. Why which is i think is taste as we need to be getting really out there telling people they benefits for anxiety but i think doing breathing at the beginning of classes is so important because people will feel an even naughty shawna just balancing out the hemispheres of the brain is a really really great one that people can just come to but i do find that fox breath or even just that secular breath i was talking about before aw i really go once and i like a lot of my students do have mental health conditions. They'll find those ones to be really helpful. I think it's just bringing to the attention engine on their breath because so many people just aren't because like i said you just instantly. Do it and you know it's one of those things when when you're born perhaps when we were born in les site now. One of the first things that used to happen is if the baby wasn't breathing slapped on the bum to get them brady and that's actually quite a violent way than stop breathing. I know it's practical because i want you to get the oxygen in but don't necessarily she'll they should just do. CPR or something like that. You just compression so. I don't know what they do now but then that used to be the thing that would happen so then people might. I don't have that great experience to do with breath and speaking of kids what about kids and anxiety so this is a thing that i think we need you to really be encouraging with your guy. I'm really getting it out there now because the the stats are a little disturbing and i think this hall. I'm glad i'm not a kid now like with social media. I just don't even know how you would with it but some of the stats are twenty four percent of primary school. Children have a mental health. Issue and forty percent of secondary children have mental health issues and they're saying that by twenty thirty that the leading cause of death so that's that's eleven years away. We'll be suicide what the world health organization is saying that so in eleven years tom. The biggest killer is the trajectory tree at the moment suicide and they signed that depression will be the biggest mental health an mri think about the way that the well's going with the way that we saw connected today's fines and things like that. That is a major thing so we kids. It's really and the social pressures and things like that it's really about. Can you get them in your body so i have a lot of <unk> students who come to my anxiety classes workshops and what about my kids and so i think it's about trying to get them into class. As young as you can things that can really help with kids is also coloring so using books and things like that because again. It's came back into the present to gain into do things that can be quite fun but i think there are a lot of yoga studios that do offer kids yogurt but again just making breath fun because they're things that can really help them and just sitting still so i think the more schools can offer programs and you're against us but also school so is ways yoga teachers. Can we go into schools and be able to be out of these things because the stats are just just frightening. <hes> i think parents to trying to remove the fines as much as possible because that is one of the biggest causes so so i do run workshops for kids so my next one is <hes> west side you know toyota and are aren't huge amount of people asking me to do that and schools so the way that i take those with kids is really about making fun. <hes> eat is a combination of doing imposes because i wanna move because kids can be a bit going to move in then really just trying to make it fun and creating fund meditations that odd things that kids can gravitate towards but also kids have a low attention span so even even if you're doing news for ten minutes still better than nothing. I think if parents <hes> going to yoga they're doing meditation classes and coming home and encouraging it for the kids as well. Oh and there's just so many different apps out there as well so if the parents and the kids can be sitting there doing it even just parents encouraging kids to go outside like when we were kids you'd going clamor. My dad used to go and play with some going. Chasing cars used to do that anymore. Scared about your kids going to get about the kid back. Your kids are going to be stress. I take the shoes of interesting now. Deciding the grass seem rating a book like whatever that is but not necessarily just hand them a device and just normalizing that but with kids if you can just be doing a meditational you know learning stuff about breathing and just sandwiches going to sit here and just bring columnists like you don't even need to talk about it being yoga or meditation but just doing that so parents can lead by example. You mentioned your workshop with kids. Are you doing anything anything else in this space to help people with anxiety so i run a lot of different workshops for adults and also kids the may as well having had a background rounding corporate i do a lot of sessions with incorporates and i do a combination of different techniques and things that i've learnt so i'm very much as i said from the beginning ah dole out of stuff to do with energy so it starts at that energy so i use a number of different techniques so think corporate and that can be a really great why a lot of people don't realize going saudi so again why i also have one on ones with paypal other homes or within studios may and i just it's even with my instagram account. I'm just about posting things about things and just trying to create a normalization of anxiety because there is a statement and a lot of people don't want to talk about it. The stigma pigments going down so i think people can talk about it can help. I was really impressed. Brian brown was on the project has maybe out cold palm beach and it was really interesting because he actually talked hoped the fact that he had anxiety and he said he was saying a doctor and the doctor given him drugs and he wasn't feeling better so he's going to see a psychologist. He was able to work it out pretty quickly but then pay the hellier said you seem like the least anxious person and he's like yeah but that's because the characters i play and so a lot of celebrities off unfortunately taking taking their lives due to mental health because thanks to you kinda create like a different version of yourself to kind of hide so a lot of famous people will have anxiety eh then creating like a different pisano for who they are so i think that's the thing where people can have normal conversations about making it an pile of life and how we can be introducing some of these practices normalizing that can really really help him. Paper were light. They might then open up and that that could potentially have a loft by just talking about that and making. It's not that normal compensation. This is sort of surprised question that we ask you what you could still everything that you've learned and everything that you teach down to one call listen. What do you think that one thing would be. It's to bain your body. Get out of your mind and in your body in any practices going to that with its entering food whether it's meditation. It's been conscious of your analogy. Well thank you so much. Thank you so yeah yeah. No thanks the cheney and i think just one other thing. I would like to say i would say i'm a younger meditation tape but i'm not a medical professional so if anyone is strangling that they should certainly make a doctor a psychologist workplace pay or they should call leon blue lifeline because they're i got the real experts that can help them absolutely this episode her and i guess it's also with making their as a yoga teacher often good to build what apple referral network of these types of professions as well but yeah thank you right. I hope you enjoyed our conversation with emily. Anxiety zyppah is an issue that ethics many of us. I think it's a really important thing for us to talk about. If you've got any feedback or anything you'd like to share on this topic or any other you can come in on our website at podcast dot float out of dot com or join us on facebook and that float office podcast community. We would absolutely love to hear from you so we're going to be taking a break for a couple of weeks. Joe and i are going to japan so excited. I've never been there before and it should be a wonderful adventure next episode. We'll come after that on the thirtieth of september. It's an interview with swami shantou nanda formerly known as johnny baker but more often address as a matadi mata. Ji was the second prison of yoga australia. So it's an interesting conversation on the early days of the organization and on the yoga the same back then in general so look for that one or out fame song is baby robots by goso is used with permission. You can get music from guy so doc band camp dot com and you should it's great joe and i would love to honor the outages and originators of these wisdom traditions that we share and we would also also. I like to pay our respects to the runner people up the kulin nation. The traditional owners of the land with podcast is recorded and melvin australia. Oh yeah thank you so so much for listening. Joe and i really appreciate you spending time with us out of nowy big big law.

anxiety Emily sarah wilson mike maggie joe stewart paypal cancer katie ron s. t. a. glen waverley johann hari melbourne london frank ston football nicole blyth overlaying mazda
5- Thinking About The Future (ft. Pillow Talk Podcast)

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59:37 min | 10 months ago

5- Thinking About The Future (ft. Pillow Talk Podcast)

"You know what time it is. Welcome back tap gang. It's already got you for another episode of fun and chaos. I've gotten a ton of questions asking just about podcast and lucky for you. We're having another podcast on for our guest today. So here's the game plan. We are gonna have a little one on one. Time are a time catch up. And then we're gonna have the podcast pillow talk on while i guess half of pillow talk since only one of the hosts can be your today but he was so much fun he was so sweet It's great to get other points of view other topics in here so be excited and then for questions. We're going to answer questions with our guest so it's a fun one. Get ready prepare yourself. It's great Okay well Boy do. I have a lot for you this week. I mean law can go down in a month right. I did feel impulsive. So i decided to dye my hair Blue so that's fun. i'd i'd like the underneath. not super gray icon regretted it after but you know. It's fun dealing spontaneous. I need it. I need change. Need something new guys. I'm so tired of health. You know okay. Boulder is like a big kale colt. And let's just let's be done with health propaganda okay. My ideal breakfast would be pop tarts and then actually you know my friend and i did for dinner. The other day we had talked cheese and kool-aid so that was great anyways back to kale. It literally tastes like spicy paper. Okay not bagri. Why are we all so obsessed with it. It's only good smoothies. That's the only way. I can eat them but in our town there's like a new health trend every couple of weeks and i'm over it. You walk around and hear people like oh my god. I just had the basketball smoothie like we need to try those new kale tabs. I heard the kardashians love it and You know what we smoke. Rocco came later. Let's do an kale Yeah every okay. Also every boulder rate goes to whole foods and they're like oh yes. I'll get kale vian. Everything free chocolate and almond milk and then they pay like a hundred bucks. I always forget how expensive everything there is. And i feel like by the time we've wasted two hundred dollars where like it's too much work to stop at another store But whole foods could really tell us anything anyways enough of my health rant. I have another big exciting piece of news. I got into college. It's over. I you know i can get a job now. I can focus on what really matters to me the work that i want to continue doing. Obviously with the podcast in writing stories For the newspaper. Because i am an aspiring journalist So i did get into college. I got into northwestern so yummy. Because i worked my azoff for it but You know. I did wanna be like sensitive. I know like some people will post it. All over their stories and instagram's When they get in somewhere which like congrats to them. I have no problem with that. I just like i don't know if it's annoying to other people so i i decided not to. I just want to be aware of other people because people are still filling out their college apps going through everything. It's so stressful. And i don't feel like. I need to like flaunt it. You know it doesn't. It didn't feel right. But i do love Seeing where everyone else is going. So i don't like have a problem with other people posting it. I guess i just didn't know what to do But that's exciting. And then what else i. I mean. I've been seeing friends every now and then i watched all my god. I watched friday prejudice. And before you say you are. Yeah why such a like school kind of thing. You know you get school vibes from it. Yeah the movie is so freaking good. It's so good guys. i. I don't know if it made me believe in love or maybe not believe in love you more because i can't even describe it. That movie ruined me I'm so glad my friends had the idea to watch that. And i am in love with it now. So that's my new obsession along with allen timothy may. Snl has like become my personality anyway. So i've also been you know. I've been trying to bake every weekend or cook. Something for the covert workers Drop it off at the hospital. And i really encourage you guys to do. It's so If fuel so good to help others. And it's i feel like it's such a good thing to do because you know they're helping us. They're putting their lives at risk to and so. I think it's just a great way to give back. I would recommend and encourage considering like helping out I would really recommend just maybe dropping off food once you know and for those workers. I think it's really important to give back so definitely encourage that but enough about me. Let's me our guest. Okay you know i know. I said that the guests coming on this week was going to talk more about like sex and drugs. That didn't actually end up really happening. You know i'm trying to find a good way to be educational Without without taking it a step too far since it's a obviously a school publication so we have some pretty deep talks we talk about the future and we also talked about podcasting. And you'll see it's great. Oh hey guys the guests you've been waiting for kawhi from the podcast. Feel talk great. Yeah i'm super super excited. I've been listening to know kaffir little bit. Super cool podcast. Yeah so how did you get into pillow. Talk so me and my house nick. We france for awhile and we He lives. He lives in highlands ranch easily. Hang out and cars and stuff and drive around we would just have crazy conversations about the universe nearly and stuff like that. We both really like podcasts. Or like make the podcast. Yeah i love it. it's great. It's kinda cool stepping out of your comfort zone to do something. Yeah just announce weird because you're not talking to people who face a face like you're listening putting your voice out. There's i know it's kind of intimidating like sitting in microphone in wallich. I know i feel nurse assistant just like talking about myself. Because i think that's something people need to hear especially if it's like stuff that people talk about each other just to know that someone else's they go through something like that or you want to talk to our party of the reason i do my podcasts. It's kinda cool to talk to people and get different expect perspectives. And maybe someone else out there. Really suffer subjective ray. Yeah a little heard. I listened to your one with collins. Which i really liked. Yeah yeah structures. All over the place. I got my nist you. My editors always like aria. You need structure. You need to have like a set plan. i dunno. it's kind of more free flowing. Moving interview right. Yeah was questions. Yeah warlike conversation. Yeah so. do you plan your podcasts Great a script or like no just We'll we'll have some will be like. Hey can we buy your podcast. Archive inner podcasts. Nickel brainstorm ideas for like five minutes. You'll be some to general aliens or something. Yeah and then it'll just take its own direction. We are talking to something to start off with. Yeah yeah we don't. We don't have a planet or anything but accumulated that way. Yeah yeah so. What have your other topics been. We've only got one we did. We did a very We don't want on the first one we ever did was on abortion and it came off a little wrong because two guys and so i got a yeah. We got our fair. Didn't feedback on. That wasn't that to be like some local top. It was like dislike discussion. Because he's he has different music ideal. That's interesting article from our forecast. Is that we different backgrounds and have different views on working night discuss without like young each other or arguing. Yeah that's really cool. yeah. I like that nice. And it's a different point of view because especially in the global climate not to take it there or anything. But i feel like it's a lot of Speaking rather than listening. Yeah i agree. I don't know everything's like so political now kind of annoying but it is an arm. Yeah with yeah. It's cool errands and stuff too. Yeah fun lace. So what's what's been going on with you much co. It sucks verges like sit there like think about how you are in a pandemic. I know it's crazy in select desensitized to it now like a mexican back a year. Shutdowns crazy i know and everyone's like pandemic stamina has just gone down like is gonna hang out with a friend last night and then he was like out of frat talking with you now crazy socialize sitting inside but it's important to stay save right. Of course it is crazy and just like the way that the world is changing. It's weird things like maybe when you're older you have grandkids during the telling him about for like their history project about the pandemic. I know we're like your kids. So yeah is doing much luck. Shown i got. I'm super happy that we're done school now. Yeah science yeah. I'm trying to do reading stuff rather than netflix. And you know how much what are you reading. I'm lena flaws affi books now. I'm reading a book called bridge across forever. i forget who it's by But it's really good book. Madonna recommended to me but my favorites are like I'll often make reread siddharta. Which is a is a story about this. Kid and the alchemist. Oh i think. I actually just got that bush meaning to read it yet recommended type stuff. Yeah i'm more like a fiction kind of her son. Yeah i wanna get more into nonfiction. So what are you gonna do is not much. My friday nights have been so sad. Kiss your kind of I don't know. I've been trying to like netflix. Party law was awful. And i don't know what we do stuff outside. Mostly i feel so. It's kind of a bummer. Winter in move. It doesn't go well especially your senior year. I know it's crazy. Do you like know your plans are for the future. I'll taking a gap year for sure your planning to that for a while. Travel a little bit. But i think it's going to be nice now especially maybe everything. Come down and yeah. What's the at the top of your list travel. Well i'm i'm swedish european passport cow and they have a trance all throughout europe. So i'm i really going to russia for some reason i don't know why but my parents said Work a little bit and then take the euro. Which is the trains around. Maybe grandparents in sweden. For the we'll see. I don't know it's really cool. I really plan. This is less than half year away. I know it's crazy. Dolls thoughts crazy. All my friends are tuning eighteen. Now and scr. Yeah it's weird like turn eighteen now. Bowman our side lots forward to. It's a strange journey illegal adult. I know changes not that much. I guess like you can get a lottery tickets or like get a tattoo. I kind of want to get a tattoo before. I turn jacket. No so. I mean. I'd don't know i'd have to hide it from them. Sorry mom my mom listened to. Yeah yeah no tattoos for anybody yeah never mutes through expensive. Yeah we're gonna shoot up. I want to get or voices. Snaking young young get that. I also wanna get like odin somewhere from but we'll see it's like expensive hoax kind of trained pockets. Yeah working i'm not. I'm actually looking for a job this week. I think 'cause like all the college stuff is done in this high. No it's relaxing covered. I am actually just got into north western. So i'm excited. It's kinda crazy Throughout my head around it. But now i do any college journalism. So yeah i feel so. You wanna be like a journalist. Neural there i do. Like i know i want to travel so i wanted. I know i want to be on. The dow not stay in one place for too long just like experience new cultures new people. So we'll see your. Maybe you're like. I was in a program this summer and there is like a breaking news in disasters reporter and she could be like on one end of the country and then her editor would be like. I need you over here on the other end of the country in like five hours. That's cool so yeah. I don't know i think that'd be cool. A place in life route right now. Yeah go a lot of choices. Little scary. But i know i don't know exactly what i wanna do and i don't know i think it's too early. A they were like most people take five years off before they go university. Wow like work in like an apartment out you want it to early. Decide the rest of your life i. It's kind of scary. Is this like. I want to do so many things so no nanka to the united states in getting a job. Okay i could do this. We'll make monday ms or like you know screw it. I'll be honest for five years or something like that to you. It's cool really lost. I caught up in our little world. That's why school as you're traveling to. Yeah i wanna like i dunno. I guess i'm not sure exactly what i wanna do. Which is like. I've kind of already committed to journalism already. Which is kind of scary. You know. But hitler i guess we'll see how it goes traveled like outside the country. I have so my family goes to chicago every summer in will travel around there and then we've been to europe. I don't really remember it. Because i was younger. I was like in seventh grade. So i remember some of it but like my parents were like. Oh yeah we've been to the liuw. As like i remember that at all sir culture shock for sure. Yeah soon for awhile. Exactly americans are different. Americans are weird. Sorry yeah. I don't know and then i really wanna go see the great barrier reef. That's like at the very top. Because i don't know it's like dying rational. All these videos. Alex spearfishing people like philippines. Go spear fishing day. That's awesome soon out there. Pretty quickly honestly really the skills spearfish. I've never liked seen it. So i don't really know what used dive in like you shoot things l. Really sphere on. That sounds really cool though short. Yeah i actually come on gona shark tank your leg i think the edges we kind of these were the sharks like perfect. Yeah early where it sinks to the bottom of the ocean or something. I can't do that on my big. There's the ocean link fascinates me terrifies me at the same time. I can't see like the bottom of harms coming. Yeah and charts. I know it's not real discount for me today. They're scary but cows come. Our people in sharks really people year could go by. Cows received ten people. Are you get oh trampled likable. His wow everything can kill you. That's true right so you can be killed at any second inside locked doors. Yeah exactly Room so yeah quarantine duisenberg go back to urine urine. Soon castle right. I am so we're trying to plan a problem right now. I don't know how that's going to go because we didn't have prom last year. Which means we didn't have like the fundraising for this year. I don't know it was gonna agree last year too. I was in charge of all the tickets in the -tations personalized all them. I had student council handwrite. Everyone's name on it so personalized for you in it's like you're invited to this masquerade ball. I know i was so excited. I thought that's pretty cool. So you know it's going to be like this year. I have no idea kiss. It's gonna have to be outside and my teacher is saying we could just have it in the senior parking lot of Now it's usually like late april. I think so we would have to push it back to like march right but even then the weather's still so unpredictable trying to trying to be hopeful that like the school prom kinda doubtful about it. Yeah are you going to go back to twice a week. I think it's gonna yeah. I did it last time. i think i'll do it again just because it's of the house. Yeah yeah but no one. There's kids off so the same strange. It was like me bryce in blyth in my physics class and that was and then yet. My ella classes actually just me which is a little awkward but a little. Now i love mr weber. So it's okay at the same time the carbon the kids online. Yeah so it'd be like they were just like talking to their screen. And then i was just so less time your teachers. Yeah no. he's nice. I'm not sure if we're going to go back to what i do. I i actually didn't realize how much i miss school. Yeah it's it's weird. Thanks to people. When i am senior may feeler here cruising yacht. All your schoolfriends idol of people. That i would just like talk to mess around with in school and didn't know anything about them but we just like connected and now i like never see them. Which is kinda weird is learning school color forces. You be social people. Yeah and then. I just hung out with them outside so i don't know it's kind of tough. Talk to reach out you kind of acquaintances. It's kind of weird. Yeah so social. Like facing self defense. Yeah i have which is weird. I didn't do much face timing but more announced like all face time like over partner. Yeah hang out your friends just like in person. Now i mean i've gone on hikes with some people. End car was very popular rum size. They're a bunch. And i don't know like a lot of outdoor stuff. I wanted to go ice skating. Like that's not been we were gonna go to. We'd all these big plans for red rocks and concerts this year in that could happen. So it's tough. Like i'm trying to think things i do with my friends. Tough much over trying to ski a little bit. But that's fine. Yeah a little strange your reservations. Now he i saw the lines. Were like so long. I don't know. I wish i did but yeah that's right. Where do you ski. Or where's your favorite place. We like to go copper Yeah copper absentee says little out but This isn't a little different. It's like it's nice to maybe it's missing out so go find something to do. Yeah i know. I wanna learn how to ski. I think because. I've done some nordic which i enjoy it but i wanna like try downhill and then my sister is really into snowboarding. And then she broke her wrist on her like third time or something so then she kind of took a break. But i think that'd be saloon to try were however we sort of assets. Just don't ask you a question now. I'll go ahead. What do you think retirees. That's actually a really hard question. I don't know. Okay i like. Sometimes i get these feelings like such strong feelings of dejavu. And i've read some theories that that's like happen to another life or something so i feel like there could be like you. Just go into a new life for like your anew in or something. But i'm not really sure 'cause they're just nothingness that's true. What do you think born. Because i was a really interesting reincarnation come migrated from that sort of thinking that maybe i'll explain this but our consciousnesses will become part of the university's responsibility hippyish. Yeah i'll know how to explain it. But i've also been Looking to nihilism which is like You know that nothing really matters. We're by accident which doesn't mean that life doesn't matter early. You can't find happiness in life you just like have to find your own happiness in life. There's no like deaths in your plan for you. I like that. Yeah but also that after you die nothing is. That's true. But i feel like that encourages like you just like you of one life. You know so yeah. You don't know this so scary. I'll now what would you like. And if you choose if you were god and you're creating this universe good question. I think i like that idea of like. Your conscious is justly i. I don't know how i'm not really sure. What do you think i would. I would do the thing where it's On how experience rooms in different worlds kind of cool. Yeah this this level one right and then you die you go level to. You'd sort of now you. You really know dragnet life be different and then you keep going for you get up like morningstar to remember. And the more. I guess sort of greek carnation thing like a buddhist thing but the more you live more figure figured out until finally like know whatever. Allah part of pretty cool. I've i was like super into greek mythology for awhile. I mean i kinda stealing better. And i always really liked that idea of. Just like the underworld contemplates. It's it is scary. But i look. I don't know i think at the time. It was like kind of nice to know like other ideas torture you so i don't think they do. I don't know. I think it's kind of dark It's bad you're like a servant. Haiti as you go when i honestly have no. It's he option that option. Yeah i don't know that. This kind of weird i that no one knows anything about goes mary goes. I don't but i feel. That's because i haven't ever had like specific. Yeah have you. I i sort of. I've like maybe energies. I don't know. I'm just not some weird experiences. This sounds weird. Okay and this guy is just win but i was i was. I was camping right. And as in my town. And there's this scratching like some running to finger along. The side of the moon is what it sounded like. I rode off wayne or twitter. Something but it kept going so slow as a fingernail. You will test. Rob i touch it sitting salomon's outside us restaurant and i was like walking past a ham cannot have to coordinate i i saw some sitting in it and i turned away and i walked over to it and there was nobody there. Which is weird is that it wasn't a swaying the wind is. There's something in it. Is that way down at sworn. I saw somebody that whenever there's no in there and the air around there was a super warm so oh interesting i could be. Maybe it's a demon. May i actually feel like. I believe in like energies. Also i remember like one time. I was in my basement and i used to dance so i had like this big mirror like a bar my basement and in the mirror i saw this like red glowing behind or yet and it was like moving and i turned around in. There is nothing there crazy. A lot of people use those are the name for those really. Do i like balls of energy become float around. They call it. You'll see don't really and it like it. Was there for a while. It was like it'd move around a little just like stay there. It was so weird. I don't know. I know it amazes me like just how oblivious said lake. I don't know. I like we are yeah. I know it's weird to think like we got the only thing. That sort of accelerates us from or in my view affirmative dog or any other that we can we think about our existence streaky. So self aware that it can be like. Why am i here. I questioned its own life. Yeah i always wonder what my dogs are thinking. Do you ever wonder that. Like what goes on their cats not time so yeah for sure. I love cats. Yeah we all now. Is it just a like i'm hungry. I'm gonna eat where you think dogs like. Yeah i don't know. I also wonder if my dog. No she's also like actually it will show like sit at an jeremy with like these huge is linked. You know like that your cue in like that. I'm just gonna give you food. 'cause you're making the face for your sure. Yeah outlaw allen just be just be like a prime life firefly shit because then you don't have to sephardic Do my friends like me and stuff like that. You worry about that. I remember sitting in school specifically like spanish and always wanting to be my dog. I wish i was just like my dog. And i didn't have to worry about this and like this ever. Yeah yeah so simple alice. It's most illness. I feel like because aside elimination desires. You talk really desire. It doesn't have the bigger ambitions just like susan. Yeah you live. I it's weird. I know life is weird. Death is we lately. I feel like the scariest thing about death. Is i like we all have this kind of like same thing that we're doing like our kids. We go to college or them. We get a job and then we get married and then we die. And it's like. I'm just i feel like i don't wanna like stick to everything are depend like yeah. It's it's weird. Because i like the older i get the more i find this kind of questioning link what i've been told. I was younger in my idea of what a successful life looks like. Yeah kind of. I'll i'll go in the stable job. I got provide for children. I'm going to have children. Who is gonna watch. My children grew up and to do anything i did. And then i'll die happy. Yeah come on more than that right. Yeah i wanna like. I guess it's hard to kind of just break. that would do to like step outside of the norms. Like i just don't want to die without feeling like i didn't really do anything you know. I've acer's regrets me too. And like i am not someone who likes like regrets. I feel like you did in your past like happened for a reason. Like that's why you are who you are today like. It's in the past. You can't really change it so y regretted. But i feel like if you're looking at the big picture on your deathbed in you're like really what did i do. I think it's like a community. Fear is like a fear holes. New back from something doesn't sure regret southern. Go bad shoot. I was happy. Yeah the view just scared to do something or like step conference as we were like. Yeah if you're in like the wave yourself. Yeah we think about high school like do do do do. I do actually do one school. I do well in school. I don't really. I feel like when i was in league younger grades. I had so much more motivation. And now it's like bare minimum to like passant get a or whatever and like i just don't find like as much meaning it in it anymore. It's like what i do outside like. would i want to do because i feel like. I'm being forced to learn everything until like anything. It's like it's not really what i want to do since not like as much fun. Yeah no i agree. I kind of shuki when you're little. You're like younger. You kind of tougher for you to make decisions. That are smart. Yeah so learning are think but at some point it's your you'll be like sitting algebra class tonight. I have no interest in this. I'm not interested in math. I'm doubt inaugural uses again. Like why out here with my time. Like if i think that we should have more like classes about like contain control your life like self directed learning stuff. Like that like yeah. Yeah so you can go do what you to do and find out what you wanna do. Run just accident school exactly. Yeah it seems a little. It's kind of tough to get along with to like the whole school system for being because it's so monetize college costs so much money and it's like a really big worth it sometimes kia. That's what i thought about that. For so long i feel like like do i actually want to go to college of. I don't know 'cause like you're just like in so much debt then and you're like is it really like. Would it be better for me to dislike out my life and get a job. And then like i know a big thing like right now is a lot of millennials will get jobs and then travel and then make more money enough to travel and then like you know. It's like a big cycle or whatever Yeah yeah no. I've i've thought that too. Like if i could just maybe i'll learn about the stock market concluding that way or maybe a house sitter because it's like this path we're like come. Walking on her are taught to walk. Intake psychologist's good for you but super expensive so only certain people can get it but everyone should go get an education but not gonna be able to afford. It comes from cillian. Oh yeah and lake better colleges are like. I don't know i thought it like would if i just like went to community college and then traveling and then and it's just like such a weird system where like if you go to a certain college that may be more respected in like it's like everyone thinks you're guaranteed like a better job in a more successful life so it's just very strange kind of scared to like even if you relate be like. Okay this is. This is bullcrap outside of this. Do something else scary less traffic path. Yeah it's terrifying. Yeah i would be afraid canoe codge. Okay well i'm never going to get the job that stuff with doing nagging in the back of my head with her mother college. We've all my friends had a great time job. Yeah for us. But i flicked somebody just kind of have to take take take the because that's obviously for me better than like we were talking about having regrets. Do something that i don't too. Yeah yeah and i know. I know my cousin. didn't go to college actually and he became a handyman and he was working for my uncle's company for a while and he seems really happy doing that. And they actually like make a good amount of money and stuff so he can kinda do what he wants which is like mostly party right now but I thought that was really cool. And like i definitely considered die. Yeah college it's good for you. So i don i know like i really loved journalism. Which is why. I've i know that i want to go to college right now. Especially since it's like the best college. I can go to for journalism If i could like thing. I want to my life is kinda like help. Other people step outside of themselves e In their comfort zones and the rules that you know they'll be all out on accents but yeah the characters play because i have that when i was younger. I wish i had somebody to say. Hey this is like this isn't really what most people are like. This is really with roadside. This is just Middle school i. It doesn't matter you're having time reading. Bully is now electorally about and you don't have to do all the stuff that you don't like you know you think about it. Make sure it's the right decision but you really don't have to confine yourself to these norms Encourage me to kind of pursue. What i wanna do earlier moments where it's like find something i love and i end up not doing it. Because i'm i've been afraid of what you say or parents and say what other people think opinions. Yeah looking back all have only members to have this regret. Change that you know. Yeah i hear that. So i wish like school would help us like figure out what we want and i think for ourselves feels a lot more like you can listen to authority more than learn right. I actually like. I always make fun of my middle school but i really like looking back at it like their system and we would have these exploratory superintendent diving into one subject so i did like rock band for one and we spent a week Like learning these songs learning instruments singing and then we recorded it at a recording studio or like I think there was one. There was like a scuba diving. One went to an indoor place. It was just like his co. Tons of things so i don't know like gardening for a week And like they would hike everywhere. I wish our school would do more of that. Erlich have more speakers even come in talk about their jobs than like it's awesome. It's cool to china things out. When i was a kid. Yeah rather than yeah predetermine classes. You gotta collectors. But i don't know. Yeah it's not the same yelena. It's also toddlers housing for me. Going to high school was you. You're trying to get a point in your life. You're trying to figure out who you are. We are starting to at least a third year in this liability with all these kids who are also trying to figure out their place in the world and it's really tough to you. Know trump trump find where you belong with. Yeah it's such a weird point in your life because you're trying on new like personas. I feel i. Can i know for me. I've never had like a super close friend. Grew by ben more like i have a bunch of friend groups and have like a couple of close friends and then like like ever changes so much everyone so different. And so you're jumping between all these people trying to figure out who your people are like who you are and like what you want so. It's kind of a confusing confusing. Best jump around. Because i feel that you can start to try to change yourself fitting rather than trying to find someone within. Yeah yeah for sure yourself do stuff you have known doing your for sure. I feel like. I have some regrets about that in just like becoming someone like. I don't wanna be erlich. Who is not the choices i make based on the people around me for sure i feel like i don't know it's not like to let people influence you in that way i guess but it's also it's so hard to say like no we're Yeah narda yeah. Yeah so i go back to my others. It'd be cool to have somebody come. All most doesn't really matter that much like la. Yeah your girlfriend broke up with us. Grade six yes not happy soviet computer time. Yeah for sure that now into college. I am a big staff are more. Should we move into question. Bruins favorites seguin ties entice. Well here's one about regrets. Do you have any regrets from high school. Yeah i do i longer. That's like freshman year. And it was like what i was talking about whereas i account myself trying to be somebody not to impress other people Which i feel is common but it's just Out stuff myself. Yeah i can definitely agree with that and then looking back on it. I look so dumb trying to impress people to into motion part of the. Yeah so i dunno helped me grow if you like. Do you have like a favorite story from high school or is there anything you'd like to do before you graduate from fairs from high school. I am. I really enjoyed our to sweden sophomore year. I really enjoyed my time there. Just because like structure of the school in my group but before i leave is lounge. It's still soon and just feel like i can do exactly. Yeah i'm pretty satisfied. Say yeah me too. i love you. Want to really have a problem. How i wanna have a bronco okay. Here's one thoughts on a relationship senior year senior year. It's tough if you don't know someone is going to be kind of tough. The relationship just because i forgot meetings many people right. I have friends that meet girls over snapshot or tender. Sometimes that works out fine. But if you're i feel like if you're if you want to have relationship you really like somebody then go for it but just be aware that you have six months or something before you have to talk about what you did for college. Yeah but don't hold back or anything just because you're afraid of leaving you know. Yeah i mean. I feel like i'm kind of like a no on that for relationships on senior year but i'm also not a big person who's like yay relationships so i don't know i feel like this is just like a point in my life where i don't want that in like if something came along the nyami maybe but like i feel like all those labels also like i know last year i was kind of relationship but it wasn't a real relationships i don't count it but people would just like there's this label one ever. Oh you're dating that personally. That's your boyfriend and it just sounded so gross to me. I don't know why it's like a of. I feel comfortable and i feel like you both have to care the same amount with it to have it be a healthy relationship in just like at this point in life. This sounds kind of bad. But i just like. I don't like when people feel like they are entitled to my time. And like i don't know i just don't like that independence like yeah lose some of that of course but that that's true and i don't know like i think technology is like a big part of it. People now will have like people on snap maps for like track their location. Yeah and it's just so weird. That is weird. Yeah i just like. I would like run from it but i see what you're saying. Just force unit. Yeah same so don't worry about right. Exactly oh how do i know when to move on. How do i know when to move on. And how do i move on. I'm in a talking stage. And i feel like he doesn't like me but i really like him a lot. He's a junior. i'm a sophomore. Also do you think it's the age or great difference. Recurrent part has atari usage yet. Is there a lot of talking stages so it's soft. Yeah well i. I just say hey trying to hang on persons much as or if you can turn code. Yeah like it's complicated. Like trump force yourself to move out of a talking stage absent trying to hang out. He goes. don't expect too much. Don't try to force to nervous or anything just kind of you know. They agree to flood. Yeah right hang out in person. I think super underrated. Now is i hang out one along somebody. I think a lotta times especially if be talking you might be interested in or whatever it's really common to try hang out in the group of friends cool but sometimes like not talking all early vixen each other just as more people that are can be fine but like being lake actually talked to somebody and spend time with them universite. The early stages whatever it doesn't have to. You'll have to be expecting anything out of it. Friends thought that's underrated. Because i thought that's a really good indication of like you know. I think that's the best way to star also like friends and then i know like i never used to hang out like one on one with people because it intimidated me and i didn't have the best friends at the time so it would always be in a group and then i was like never close like one specific person just like this group that i would hang out with a bunch and so now i feel it gets transition to more like probably like eighty percent like just hanging out with one person and i feel like that's such a good way to go. Yeah for sure. I have that some people for some people like to hang out in groups might come. You know it's really. They can do like social everybody to hang out with everybody. Yeah but i'm one of those people. That i have acacia troubling. Actually drafting individual people and like a group. Yeah it's hard to connect with so much going on or whatever you know one time also. I feel like i agree. It's like it's scary. Sometimes they really scaring me like nervous kind of healthy. Yeah undrafted due later in life exactly become more confident yourself talking so yes you're going to have to start talking to to people so if any one piece of advice for like relationships and stuff like somebody is just to knock in your own head and not be afraid like even if you mess it out if you go up imagining that go on dating totally embarrassed herself. It was just terrible experience in your life. I still think helping. You will try to avoid situations like that in like. Why can't i get a girl from boyfriend. It's like you're two friends in china or put yourself out there and i. I feel like that happened so much as like where people expect something so perfect also in there like this has to be perfect and just like that's not how life is also and so you can't be scared of like going off script. I guess i don't know. I know what would life be doing good times or bad times. Yeah questions i dunno. I know that there is like one more. They were asking for like both sides like the boy side of like why they are expecting from girls or whatever and like how they all kinda like stuff versus the girl's point of view from my point of view. The guys obviously and i feel as different. I don't think that the thing to shot it. I don't know 'cause. I have a girl perspective either but i just that they think about it too much. It doesn't of the deal to them as it might be for a girl like it's not like somebody but it doesn't feel as much pressure me myself output like really any importance on labels or what's going to happen next or like like trying to guide this guide something. It's just sort of something that has to happen naturally. Yeah yeah i governor was to of course I feel like it's just like so different from the girl's point of view. And i like. I don't know if guys do this but would i've noticed talking to look a lot of girls and talking to Just different ages also is that they said blake. I know myself personally like freshman year. It'd be like. I have to wait this certain amount of time before i respond to this guy or whatever and it's just like games it's like all games girls now and i feel like i've just like moved on for now like when i feel like responding or when i'm on my phone all respond or just like whatever you know and so like i don't know do you guys play games. Do you think. I don't know i i. I don't talk about this with my so a very narrow perspective. But i i feel like at some point. You're you get this idea that it's like oh it's a game. I didn't get to go to like me if i just go sir But it's not it's not how the because they just it's just talks both people i feel like and i think just like opening honest because if you're playing games when you're trying to like the relationship relate somebody you're going to be playing games like relationship to. Yeah hell yeah. I feel like it becomes like so talk. Just be honest. i. I take a really long time. Respond to my snapshots. These people on them never fake to blast. Yeah and i just like do other things. And it's not it's also weird over snapchat for me in person type got. Yeah me too. I feel like. It's i've definitely transitioned a lot. More to snapchat now like with kovac or because i'm like having more conversations with people not and then of course people have like their private stories than like they keep people updated. But it's like. I really don't like it. I don't know it just feels. So i don't know i don't. I'm actually getting to know them. Because you plan everything out in yes of course number. Snapchat psych There's like filters you know what i'm saying is medium right. Yes the phone and their own like whatever this patially engine wherever they say to you. Rather than like if you're a person not heinous right. Yeah because it's like. Is this you like you think that you're having this witty banter with this person when in reality like thinking of this line for like ten minutes or just fine but like it's not real. Yeah even when you hang out with that person they're expecting would banter whatever and allah and some people. It can be fine but just not relying too much. Yeah and also honest right. Honesty is like my biggest thing. Because i hate when people make up like the worst. Excuse says you're right the red. Yeah i like just be honest with me and i'll be fine so our people really care as much as people have. Yeah yeah even if you're talking to somebody that you like whatever justify honestly if you're him i'm sort of like nervous or something like that. I think that's better than like you're talking to somebody and then you'd be with completely different than a person. Yeah that's stuff like that. Just i don't know just like talking about opening like sure. I'll be a little weird awkward into the open about it because if you're both going to be narratives especially you know both going to be. Yeah that's worth like playing games. We come from founders. Because you're scared. Whatever yeah exactly. And like. I understand that i feel like everyone has their own experiences. And like i dunno like they're holding back for like a certain reason but i feel like it's so much better if you communicate you know 'cause like that's so hard these days and there are so many miss communications and problems because you're not like talking or whatever you know they'll be fail. Yeah i feel like it's yeah. Rejections are one of our since bill. Yeah because if you look no matter what you're going to get her like. I feel like the people closest to you can like her you the most anyway. So it's like. I dunno and he could get hurt either way so you might as well for sure. Good there live your life. Yeah yeah exactly. So yeah well thank you for coming on no have no cap yeah recall. You're on the couch gang. I just came up with that actually but like right. Talk to cap gain. Thanks for having me on. Look how awesome new have you are. Podcast time pillow talk. Yeah let's do it. Yes guys guys guys you know the spiel Subscribe leave review. Go ask some questions in the form in my instagram. There was one question that we didn't get to in the Interview because it was it wasn't really for kyw Someone asked me if i could drop my snap because they don't have instagram No i will not. Because i don't want to just give out my snap but i will give you my email. It's a x. w. o. z. And i a k. o one app. Ubs dot org or aria. Wozniak at gmail.com. Yes you can totally hit me up there or in the dm's Obviously everything is confidential. Anyways i know i was talking about how much i hate all that health stuff but next week i am hoping to have a guest on who is so healthy and we are going to be so healthy it will blow your mind She runs a blog called crafting green worlds. So i'm hoping to have a nice week We'll see. I will see you guys in three weeks. I appreciate everyone who's reaching out asking to be on the podcast asking questions. Leaving comments stay healthy love. You see you guys next

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Podcast | #30 Courtney Tipping on Having Faith during Hardship

The unCorked Podcast

59:17 min | 3 years ago

Podcast | #30 Courtney Tipping on Having Faith during Hardship

"Hi, I'm Melissa kirkum. I blog at our family website, WWW dot the core combs dot com, which we affectionately call the cork board. This is the uncorked podcast conversations with everyday extraordinary people people who have conquered people making a difference in the world's brave and beautiful people. But people who in the end are just like you and me if there's one thing I've learned over the past ten years, it's about how much I didn't know that I didn't know and how much I still don't know our experiences and adoption and loving kids who have HR the foster care system living in the country, but owning a coffee shop in the city and just traveling internationally have so greatly expanded our horizons and shifted our Paradyne's, and hopefully we're better humans for it. The one common theme through all of those experiences, though was just listening to people's stories. Patty, diwan said the shortest distance between two people is a story. So pull up a chair and an open mind. And and meet another one of my everyday extraordinary fence. Welcome to episode thirty the uncorked podcast. This will actually be the final episode of the season. So make sure to hang around until the end. So I can tell you. It's coming this week. My guest is Courtney tipping. She told me at the beginning of our conversation that God is good. And each day is a new day. I didn't even know half of her story. And that mantra already impressed me. Now that I've heard the whole thing I am blown away you may need tissues for this. One. Don't say enor- new here is my conversation with Courtney. All right. Well, Courtney welcome to the uncorked podcast. I'm so glad you could be here tonight. Thank you so much. So how is life going right now? How was your day to day? I know we were just both talking about how we're kind of done at the end of the today. And but this is like one of the only times that we can just find quiet. I think you said you're actually in your car hiding from your people, and I am going to attempt to be at my bedroom. Hiding for mine, but we still have one little person who lives with us. I just heard him running around. So y'all might be able to hear him as well. So how are you doing? You're so right had figured the car was our or was my best debt. Hopefully, kids do stay asleep and daddy can kinda hold the fort down inside. And I get six cents to feel like they're going to like just because it's tonight someone's going to just not be able to go to sleep Brett. Yes. You may not come out. That was my only request that been that. Yes. I have Zoe is our oldest seven then Sadie five, and then we have a little boy Toby he'll be Q in about two weeks. So yeah, we have a full day. Also, nanny another little boy ten months old three days a week. So full day up until school's out. And then we had everybody else in the Knicks. And yes, so by about seven thirty eight I'm I'm ready for a little quiet. I bet you just a little bit about your kiddos. Kinda what is your elevator speech for you? As a person as a, mama. And you really believe every day is a brand new gay Gobert has given us that day and whether the day prior has been terrible or than really great enjoy full. You know, I really do start the day with the new gay Florida's good to us Hannam, especially when things are are heavier harder to get through. And we're K in a really try to also continue to remind that who are kiddos too. Yeah. I love that. I love that perspective. I get so sucked in to lifestyle sometimes and one day roles in the next, and I don't always remember that every day is a new day and his mercies are new every morning so thankful for that reminder from you. Okay. Gill for me feel like I can't grass. Well, even then accents going to sleep at night stressed and worried about what new things are going to happen the next day. But knowing like, he's got this and everything's control. And no, you're gonna wake up rested. Hopefully, everyone rested and start the next day. Yeah. That's a great perspective. Have you always had that perspective? Does that come naturally to you? Or do you kind of feel like the twists and turns of life have kind of forced you to learn that lesson the hard way, I think it's both Lee, and there's probably a level of of my of my norm that I would say don't tend to get like super stressed out or get into too much drama, or that makes sense. But a do absolutely think just life and just a lot of the heavy of life that kind of come our way everybody, here's his. Billboards just told me that and reminding me to yet to remember that and know that that is his truth. Not anything I can do with my own strength either. Yeah. For sure so our friend life who was also a guest on the podcast a couple of weeks ago introduced us, and I was able to poke around a little bit on your blog. And of course, what Blyth told me. And so I know that your life has had some twists and turns and some of those hardships that you were talking about. So what was the first time when you look back that life really took one of those like hard left or right turns that you weren't expecting to. In the beginning of things for my husband, Alan, and I really was we were we got being reading two thousand four and kinda we're on the same page of within the next couple of years starting to build a family and and get pregnant and that didn't happen for us after about two years. I guess I started to seeking out like is there something I need to do more. They're nurse special doctor and to to go to and we didn't at seeing a fertility specialist in Columbia who told me that I had something called P C O S, which is poly cystic ovarian syndrome, and with that it would just be difficult for us to conceive. So we started a road not super aggressive road of fertility in two thousand and eight doing an ICU. I kinda fast forward we did that procedure once and he did not. Not work and basically new insurance would pay for it one more time. So we didn't once more in October two thousand eight and good were I kind of continued to go back for blood work. And we went for an ultrasound about eight weeks in and there were security. So literally been still remember my husband starting to like fall down at his two year beside me. And we both were just in shock of what you know. What this mean what how are we gonna do this? Are they going to be okay? Our doctor was very quick even to say, you need to basically aboard one of these children because they're not all going to survive, and we at the time. And of course, even still are strongly believe that we would not do that that we we told him pretty quickly. You know, that's not something we will do will to keep these babies helping there were. We'll see five sacks of four babies had there, in fact and one set basically was identical twins, and he the fertility doctor. The Tom was sure that the identity twins would not survive. Then again, we really know where you're gonna do do whatever we need to see them healthy, and he quickly kind of handed us over to a high risk doctor here in Columbia, and we went to him and kind of got a plan of you know, you no matter what will be in the hospital at twenty four weeks until the baby breach. Basically twenty eight weeks just station is the earliest that you know, they could do any sort of help for them only outside of the womb. And so again, kind of fast forward about February of two thousand nine we found out. It was four boys. Two girls. And that was kind of the point we started to do a little bit of had a few showers, just more prep preparation. I think I was way more the time Greg concerned with math physical body. How I was growing what needed to do. They told me an easy to eat like ten thousand calories day, which is nearly impossible. But I think our my husband was, you know, how funny actually provide her, you know, you know, a lot of the logistics. He was he was thinking about a lot more. And then in March of two thousand nine hundred went into Preterm labor. We went into really not knowing what to expect. But at that point was I was about five centimeters elated and ended up delivering all six of them over the course of about three weeks. I was in the hospital, and we will also lived them over the course of those three weeks right around. It was about the twenty th. Three twenty four week, Mark. I looked like I was ready to deliver one full term baby. So that was a a long thirty. Your question is I think that was very much the the beginning of some some really really dark and hard Tom's for. I can't even imagine. And over three weeks. It's just such a long time to be in that state of kind of limbo, not knowing and kind of, you know, did you kind of get the feeling after you had lost a couple that like it was just a matter of time right over the next couple of weeks. You know, did you feel were they giving you any sort of hope like somewhat the the first two were the the dental twin? And so that the livered the first one Jacob the app pretty much knew how would deliver the second one within hours or days that they were a delivered them about three days apart. But after I delivered heaven the second eighty we started to have a good meal. Tra- sounds where does that the doctors were a good that more hopeful like these babies have more space. You know, we're gonna up these drugs to try to keep an and like they were a lot more hopeful. And so I do think we had a handful of days really like I mean, we continue to pray board. Just let us go home with one baby, and that was kind of our constant prayer. And after those days past looking back. My husband would say he knew that we were that the babies were starting to deliver. And once I started delivering that survey be in more that started it was it was a lot quicker, and we knew at that point that that none of them, you know, working to revive and I by that point was on so much medicine. It took me really talking to people that were buyer side to kind of put all the pieces together of. What all happened just because I was physically not even really coherent of what all was happening like dramatically so from Allan he was seeing everything. And after the fat was like, I I it will be a long time before I can relive a lot of that time. So yeah, I think there was both the plead and not wanting to believe that this was really happening. Yeah. Absolutely. What does that do to your faith? Or what did that do to your faith where you how were you and God during those three weeks, and then the weeks and months following that probably one of the biggest moment that has really stuck with me. And I remember the most was in between losing the first two in that before starting to go into labor again with the the ladder. Four was just praying moves men's fifteen thirteen just that the God of all hope would fill us with joy, and peace and felt that deeply in new in that time, like even if we did lose all of the babies that like Lord was still good. And even if I didn't see it on this earth like there was purpose. And people would know who he was even in the loss of the babies that was big for me. I think as they did. Oh by in grief did set and more of just that reminder of trees like this is unfair hin, really hard. But he is good in. He is taking care of us after we will this shit about a week went by before we did a service for them. And actually van point. I had gotten an infection where they needed to go back into DNC, and that was almost harder than the process of losing the baby. Because I think at that point I did feel like I was getting tortured like no way going back into the hospital. Just lost all our children. And now need to go into surgery, basically on the day of the service for them. And so at that, I really do think that our nurses, and Dr new like this will forever traumatize them if they don't get to service for their babies, and so I I went in the world. Hair without be to the baby for bed. And came back in time to have that surgery. And again, I think oh something we're yes. Enough things could have been videotaped to whatever. But it was really important for both of us. I think be there for us. But also be there for our community to see like, okay, we are pushing forward because that makes sense. Lutely, I can't imagine. What that emotional rollercoaster must have been like just the grief in and of itself. And then the prospect of not even being able to be in person for the service. I just I I can imagine. I can't imagine actually what you know, what that could look like in just how brave and strong and courageous that you were to be in the midst of all of that. But your body was physically going through and then having to push through, you know, such a big emotional thing. And and even just showing your face in public, you know, in a wheelchair, and, you know, probably not the way you wanted to know. Know on a day like that. One thing on top of the other. And in ways that you. I'm sure felt like just a nightmare replaying over and over again, you know, you can't even like make you can't even make that stuff up. No. It was my husband's a pastor. And we had incredible community around us, but we lost babies in large, and we had a solid four to five months of where you know, a lot of me was wanting to talk and process out loud, and he was very much the opposite. Especially this after I think witnessing everything that I went through in everything he watched with the babies, and we realize by the end of that summer, like just a deep a deep need for counseling together. And that was a big turning point for us in really walk like continuing the process of grief and having. Help in that. And you know, what was helpful for him? What was helpful for me, a safe place for both of us to kind of open that file of this? This is what I'm really feeling. This is what I'm really feeling, but I'm not going to ask you to open that up any other time counseling if we don't need to and that was huge for us really walking through grief into even the thoughts of trying to get pregnant again as well. Yeah. So you've been through, you know, the season of infertility this option downs of, you know, finding the you're pregnant with six babies, and then consequently losing six babies, how do you even move on from that? What are you? What what does it look like besides getting really great counseling? No walking with the Lord to that and trusting and and having to kind of grow and shut your faith. What was next like how do you even begin to think about moving on or think about note to even try again, I was deaf? Scared out of a mutt. We as we kinda started that counseling that fall a pretty close to that same time. I did just sorta search out even more doctors of like pay our story. What do we do next and that really took a few months poking into different? So and ended up really with an OBGYN who. And now, a dear friend of mine long story short. She is the wife of the high risk doctor who was with us through the pregnancy of the sex couplet fishy. Also, very much new our story and everything that it kind of happen. But she often Neal was not jumping into anything extreme to try to get pregnant or anything like that. So that was huge for me to know. Like, Lord, if this is something you want for us, any major clarity. Like, I'm I'm I'm pretty scarred. And prince scared of how to go forward. And so I I think that was a big help having someone from medical side who was on our side. And you know, it wasn't pushing us to do anything, you know, big Hearns, windy. She kind of walked with me for those months and do remember kind of coming up on the one year anniversary of of Lou. Availabe remember praying like Lord just get us through the month. The more. I don't want ever want to go through March thinking back on what all had happened and within the first week of March a found out his pregnant with silly. And I was like twelve weeks along so felt like out of nowhere. And we we were ecstatic, and I think also Sian Allen like for me to see him. Just kind of that Lin's pulled back of hope is is again was huge for me. I haven't seen this no in a year, come from you. And just seeing that boomer of hope from him was a big deal, and he was very open and saying like, I'm very scared, and until we bring the baby home until savy so kind of walking back into pregnancy in the road was still a very scary one because we just didn't know what to expect in drastically different to pregnant with one after being pregnant with six. Holy cow. I can't even imagine such crazy. Yeah. It was a really sweet thing to have friends who had walked deeply with us through losing the babies and just the the excitement of the the traumas that tha din coming around as also as we found out we were pregnant again and pregnancy was was very good. And she was born in September of two thousand plane awesome. I'm sure that was huge relief to bring home a healthy, baby. After such a hard pregnancy and experience the first time around and so after Zoe why is the next part of your story. He has really born in two thousand ten and then life was somewhat normal or normal the Allen into two parent for the first time and in mixed with also grief as well does not ever leave. View as I'm sure, you know, and you have the balance of that new normal and Pierre the mama and daddy and I kinda fast forward, not feeling great. Not sure what was going on. And that was pregnant with Sadie who she was born March of two thousand thirteen a again, getting used to two little girls and a big sister and all of that and fast forward to Sadie had turned a year old. We kind of Mark a lot of our. Yes, more come with us the right word, but Easter in our church is a big day. It's a big weekend as I'm sure it is for many, but we do baptisms at our church, and this is used as celebration and that had happened on Sunday and always kind of take Monday outling Alan takes Monday off. And so the Monday after. Particular Easter he had gone to do some things with friends, and I took the girls to our view and the daily said to me about pretty much, right? When we got there. Mom needs to go. The potty something is hurting. And I didn't think much of it really at this point, see three. Hoses from one. So they were still pretty very tiny go in the little family bathroom, and she goes to the restroom, and she was peeing blood. And I knew then something major was going on the called Alan and said, hey, go into the tradition. This is what's happening. You need to make your way to meet me. We went to our pediatrician which was very close to disease fully, and I don't know pediatrician told us, I don't know what's going on. But we get her in for ultrasound children's hospital go in for old enough to kind of perceive that something was really wrong. No, he wasn't at. She knew something was uncomfortable. And not okay. But she definitely. And honestly at that point. I mean, I knew something was happening never happened before. But a handle idea. What was about to happen or what we are about to be told? And. Yeah, so the ultrasound nurse came in and started to scan her stomach, and she started on the right side of her Billy tea setting everything looks fine here. And she started to scan like across her belly to the left side and the nurse. Just started having tears rolling down. Or is, you know, saying what is going to Lynch said have you felt anything on her? You know, have you noticed anything on her summit? No allen. Is there at that point? And we both are listening to like, oh my gosh. Like, we bathe her read tickle her. We know dresser. Like, what are we missing? And she said that there's a very large math on his kidney kinda from that point on was pretty much world win because they kind of Russian the radiologist and start telling us more. In the tumor on her kidney with so big that it was pushing all of her intestines back over to the other side. Pay kinda started scanning do everywhere else in her chest. And they're a team owners up into her lungs and rail might one of the bigger arteries are heart in. So I mean, it was within within a few hours. They told us she had stage four cancer, and it was caught a Wilms tumor. And so we went from is that morning to ultrasound to be in admitted to the hospital. A we we kind of begged to go home the next morning just for really the day because the following day. They were going to take her into surgery to do a biopsy and put a poured in and at that point. They were kind of saying we don't know when you all go home for the next time that you'll go home. So so thankful we had a Cima normal. Day at home where we had people discovering. Pray tried to get our head in a hard on. Straight. It can talk to delete in Fadi HAMAs again at that point Sadie for sure 'cause was very unsure of what was going on. And then we went back into the hospital that next day. She had a port put in which is how she would. Hieber for the rest hurtful. Ear. Does morale. You think they'd like surely this can't be like not after everything else that we've been through 'cause this possibly be our story. I think it was definitely a lot of that. And just a cry of like, please Lord give us endurance because we've got to fight for our kids life. And like not that feeling of wanting to protect your child and that feeling of there's no Postlewait for me, protect you right now. And we Allen and of those very early onset. Will do our best to explain everything to her not surprise her with or make them allusion that this is all okay when the nine and explaining to her like, you know, the Lord is good it in film, awful way. This is definitely the way, you know, a form of just the yuckiness of our world. And can we hate the we'll continue every day to you know, for the Lord to heal your body and will continue to believe that. And I think the endurance part was something of never come up against as far as like heaven. Energy to love her will and be mama. And also making your shoes getting the care that she needed also balloting Haiti and wanting to love on her and her not be with thousands of different people while we were in the hospital and just not being prepared. I think for like the the marriage part of we Alan, and I learned even more. So in very quickly. How to be really good teammate. He Allenton to really spend more time at home with Fadi when I was in the hospital, and there are times when we would for sure switch all to where he was there. You know, I was home. But yeah, that was really hard to know. Like, it's highly unlikely that we will be together this point or that point depending on how she was doing that makes it a yard. Having you know, you're dividing and conquering. But then that doesn't leave you, you know, time for date nights and to sleep in the same bed to do things that keep marriages kind of on the up and up and strong and how. Want our thing and our community was unbelievably strong, and helpful and provide it in so many ways so do lake, and that's one thing as Tom has gone by that I sent so much more of of wanting to like help other families who don't have community around them and like walking through cancer because we were even though we were Alan and our one one place one the other I felt like people came around us and said, you know, give us all the things that you don't need to think about right now, and that helped us so so much and and things like the we weren't definitely able to have a date night every week, but you know, people giving us gift cards to to make the effort to be able to do that. When when things did slow down a teeny bit the first bit of time. She started treatment. We were in and out of the hospital a whole bunch like being impatient. And then after the first few months redid in the a lot of her treatment was in our clinic like the hematology clinics. So it was more of we would spend about a full day every week there where she would get her treatment and blood work and things and then five to six months, and we knew she was going to have to have her surgery yet Jude which up in Memphis, and so that was I think one of the harder towns in the whole journey because we were gone for about three weeks, and we list Sadie with friends and family, and then kind of coming back home from that. So she had her kidney removed dater and is much of tumor. What they could get at that point became felt like the end of treatment and things. But it actually was more than middle. Because when we came back, she had to have more, chemo and radiation and things for the next few months of going back to what I said. And then together just again with Lord, please, give us the endurance in, you know, please allow her to keep fighting this. She was and still is an incredible little fighter and she finished treatment close to December of that year. And then we had a good anything. She had to do those Knicks few months. Yeah. And then kind of a significant Tom was her getting port taken out with Chapin and marches to house any fifteen with just kinda was our our time of you don't need the owner NIA because treatment, she still had tumor in one of the arteries that goes to the heart. But at that time in actually she's still has some of that they kind of became new crowded tumor, so dead tumor, and we just hope and pray that it never changes from that. So yeah, that was very significant in at that point. We got to do a make a wish trip to Disney World, which was huge for our family, kind of a sense of normal after a very crazy crazy crazy. That happened in April of that year, which was awesome. I'm just captivated because you know, sometimes I have friends on the show, and then sometimes I have new friends on the show. And so I'm hearing the information for the first time, and I'm just I'm just listening and processing and just continually amazed at you know, just how faithful that you guys were able to be through that time. And I know that there were probably really really hard days. But even just being able to talk about it in the language that you use talk about it. I think is absolutely incredible. And what was Zoe's faith like join all that. Like, what was I feel like kids are just they always show us up a hundred percent with isn't like the first few weeks when she was diagnosed in they started those awful medicines. Yes, we knew that they were helping in. We prayed that they were helping and really taking all the kids. Out of her body did made her feel terrible and terrible was like a hundred five fevers. She didn't know what was happening. So just screaming, and that point of things it was like, a my goodness wanna take every ounce of this away from you. I would say that was probably one of the most extreme times that she was hurting in so much of that around the time of her recovering from her surgery, but outside of that mishaps her little bald head and her skinny little body. You would have had no idea what she was going through by the way that she this so super lafley, and we continued to just remind her like your name means life, and that is what we're pleading to the Lord for in. You continue to us that every day the people even in children's hospital the, nurses whether in the clinic or the floor. Really became like family. And I think a lot of that was Zoe morning them, the apart of whatever she was dealing whether it was put on his many temporary tattoos as she possibly. Or? Stuff that we kind of tried to thought pastime she was fighter and even a side of feisty. That was really good and needed. I think really we always joke that the things that make our kids the hardest to raise are also the things that will probably serve them best in life. Never would have dreamed. We would have been walking with like kids that were in treatment with us who we got really close to. So if the child was intrigued at the same time was we we were with them for at least like eight to ten hours a week. And there was one particular family who we got to know really well and their little girl was about six months to a year younger than though, Ian, she actually relapse with the cancer. She had while on treatment towards the end of win Zoe was finishing up treatment. And we we did really well through about humor of her leaving this world in just that a hard enough for Allen ah to talk through ourselves, but explaining to her and her wanting to be around Madeleine maybe around or. Parents and and and know even without the two appearances well in and even continues to be something though, we will. We'll talk about a nut just losing a friend. But just hey, I had kept her is this going to happen fee know, what in L, I don't think that's ever gonna leave us because we just continue to be around other families know who have. What through similar order who has lost kids as well? So the growing up that I did not want her to do that that she an even Sadie as she is got an even in these last few years as we continue to have to do scans and blood work and different things. She understands villi understands a lot more and Sadie also now understands a lot more affiliate in that regard. They just know a lot more than probably a lot of children about suffering. A do want to tell you to as we went on that make a wish trip I found out that I was pregnant again and about probably two months after that trip had like a first trimester screening where we found out that the baby had something called a cranial and went into the ultrasound not knowing anything was wrong felt it was. One of those times, the no we're going to find out if it was a boy or girl, but we're told the baby would be fine while I was pregnant, but would not be fun home once delivery Kane. And so that was also a town where again. Allen pleading. We don't know where energy, endurance, and even the hope is going to be. And we we need you. And we almost at this point have to like remind ourselves. You are good. We know you're good. We need you desperately in this time. So for really the the non mutt. After that went full term with our little girl Mia and delivered her in November of two thousand. Two thousand fifteen I've just seen really impressed at all the years you've given because I could not tell our story with years like you. So I have extremely about the only way I can keep up with come from one from one thing. Yeah. To see was born November fifth and live about ten minutes. Basically the time in the OR of me heaven disinfection with her. Aliens he had there was a lot of grieving leading up to her being born and the hurt preparation than the sex separate with the sextuplets that was a very emergent like I had no time to prepare or Enid get things in order in any way that I would have wanted that to all take place and with me a- little girl. There was some beauty and getting Pugh kind of worked with a palliative care team at the hospital to prepare for her and give her the best opportunity at life and really give meeting too. To her life or delivery in you know, whatever the Lord had for their after an to- we to a good bit of photography and video and had a few close friends to be able to kind of share in that time that was really really a a special sweet and nightmarish time it self. Yeah. I think Allen had done probably more grieving leading up and I did more just preparing. And when we lost her it. I think I was a lot more surprise with my grief, and and not really knowing what to do where do I go from here of continuing life has new normal for the girls and. Kinda living in Seville mood for quite some time in. So I'm just impressed that you're like even walking around breathing. I think I probably would have put myself to bed for eternity with Netflix. I mean, it's just it over Wilmington just think even you know in the adoption world, we have walked through some really hard times. And so we get those kind of. Sick sense of humor. But I mean, even just listening to you talk about the difference between being prepared for me and being able to prepare your heart. And and kind of set up a situation to be as beautiful as it could be a really really tough situation and just even being able to compare that to another situation where you had lost children is just devastating to think that there's even two stories there to compare and and your normal is so attractively. Then so many other people's and that your faith is because of that so much richer and deeper and just beautiful because it's it's tested and refined. It's been through that refiners fire over and over again. And if his left something, so beautiful and gracious, and and so, you know, I guess that's what we have to cling to in moments of, you know, God why on this earth? You know, why? While this things. One of the I feel like precious be pills that I'm like this can't go unnoticed is the nurse. We had with the six really at the end of delivery and the nurse who literally wrote out all of their death certificates and state way past her like do time on the clock. She was also there for Zoe always delivery. And then she was there with me a-, and then gusts Ford to adopting Toby was also they are with that and said just super beautiful even for a lot of the hospital staff to in some ways walk full circle with us that have just kind of seen her story unravel and thread through many different things. But yeah to win we Ables. Mia in November. We had for years thought at some point in life. We would love to adopt. And didn't know what that looked like had not had that on our radar at that time necessarily just in being really walking in grief. Imagine why. Right. I don't know what he thanking. But, but yeah, we had taken the kids the girls on a spring break trip that following March. I got a text from a my friend Tiffany and just to give you a little backstory on Tiffany. She was actually one of our oncology, nurses, with zoey in the hospital who became a friend was kind of that nurse who found me at my lowest times since like, here's what you need to do. Here's you know. Here's what we're gonna do. And just was very much pick me up in some of those times. Anyway, she became a close friend. She says he attacks and she says, hey, announced at some point you told me that you an Allen or interested to adopt someday. Let me tell you the situation and long story short. She had met a friend at her son's talent show at her school. And this friend's sister was in town in her life. Liberty fifth week of pregnancy. Knowing she needed to get away from some bad things that were going on or bad influences. She she came up South Carolina to be with her sister will the sister and my friends at Fanie all end up at his talent show together. And Tiffany knows this she's pregnant they start talking more in. She says I'm really looking for someone to parents this baby. I want to pound a family to adopt in. So Tiffany says Neal and says are you interested? I just kind of flashed my phone at Allen, like hunting gotta read this. I don't know what to say or what to do. And so we kind of said we would love to know more information let, you know, give us time to kind of pray over this are the next day or two, and we'll talk again, Tiffany and a both in up going over to the sister's house and after probably be about three hours. She looked at me says without a doubt. A no you're supposed to be the mother of a baby I tell me, and I left there. I mean, I called Alan probably have screaming like, I think this is for real. I don't know what we need to do when the prayer lot. And we need to really quickly start working on option paperwork because during a lot of it. And we don't have a whole lot of time in this is really going to learn we need basically within that we within about a week to not even close to two days. We finished all of the paperwork. We did through or like with an attorney. And I went to one OB appointment with her, and it was just a few days after that that I that Alan, and I sat down the girls and said, this is the deal your help the sisters, and it was I mean, we were caught. Telling them, of course. But also we had walked through a lot with the girl. Both praying praying leading up to knowing we were pregnant with me, and then having to tell them like you has got it through prayers were pregnant, and then but God's taking the baby away does that make sense. To lot lit candles and adult let alone a he four and five year olds at that. Right. Right. Right. So we as we told them about adopting Toby even discussing the reality for them city in is just they'd be really coming home from the hospital so student as it just told me goodbye in the huddle. And she's been don't come home. The wasn't a crib. It wasn't any of. Had. Sorry. Will have much she hearing with you. It does get me very emotional. But sorry. Yeah. I think we in even the joy, Kurds them kind of leading a two literally it was about a two week Tom period that we met birth the person then both families met each other. And within the next week. Toby was born so over the course of really leaks all of this happened. He was born in the twenty fifth of April and two days later, she signed all the paperwork and crazy like in those three weeks there to whole birth family became family and close friends with us. I felt like it was very non-stereotypical adoption of what I perceived maybe could be or would be when he was born. We had a hostile room right beside her. And Toby went back and forth. We, you know families net were in both hospital room fiercer real nothing. Alabama through like if we tried to explain this to anyone they would not probably believe. Unless they really see this TI, he came home. I guess the twenty seventh. Beautiful redemptive way to redeem a hospital experience yet God would give something that was so beautiful to happen in a place that so much pain and tragedy had were all of those things that also happened and. So looking back, you know, what what are your paradigm that have shifted? You have lived so much of life and so much suffering that most of us will never see in one lifetime. And so how does that shape? How you see the world? Sure, you know, I think one of the biggest things is king. Feels like seeing through a wins of of what's really important. And and what's not Philly? Be no over over time. Maybe for me to nears ago things that seemed important are just not important to me anymore. I think that is probably one of the biggest things to we just try to continue to teach her our kids and know that we are loving if we love Jesus, and we are love and the people around us really is not much help fanatics. And I think also knowing that the Lord is good doesn't mean like does not mean, easy or the way that our wanted to be an LA definitely something. That's is said too much. But I think that is one thing that at times have had to say, no, okay. I know believe this and other times that I've say ward, please help me to know. This is true descent makes sense. Yeah. Absolutely to feel like because of your experiences. Do you feel like it's easier to hold the things of this life? Maybe even your kids more loosely or do you feel like you hold on Moi more tighter? Because you know, what it feels like to have such great loss and suffering. I think probably probably do hold a little release -ly or just that. My hands are way more open the quits type of like, I a control this to to make sure this is gonna go on this way, or they're going to be okay. This way affiliate my hands are just open of. Okay. Would we want to do our part? We all said, no like, you have not only numbered our days, but you also, you know, every detail about us to to know what you know, what's going to happen. And what's going to be not to say that very often? We let the little mundane things distract us for sure. But I do think some of that has definitely then put more into perspective and more clear for me through a lot of what we've been through. I bet and I think that's probably one of the beautiful gifts of your suffering that you probably see other folks, you know. Wrapped up in so many things in you're able to see the world. I would imagine the way that God would prefer that. We see it. And I think that's such a beautiful beautiful thing. I know that I am wrapped up in all kinds of things that I'm sure that's lean down and thinking to just one day, you'll know one day on that. That was just not worth it. But fight for in just expecting bad that now probably terrible. But I do feel like that is something you have to fight. No. I don't mean to I want to do that in terms and tons of situations. I feel like in different scenarios especially like in. If anything kind of Aloun things with babies or going through some of that or even cancer world of seen. I don't know if it's like a self protection of like expect that in some ways expect the worst. And if it doesn't happen that way, you're pleasantly leave. Now the flu that I feel like I have learned like especially with Zoe like scans. And things that we do pretty often that I literally have to tell myself like I'm not gonna worry filter something to worry about. And I don't know whether that's just we've done it so much of like coping, but both of those things I feel like I have to give to the board a whole lot. Yeah. I imagine. I imagine. Well, the chew rapid questions. I always ask the first one is what are you not doing? I feel like social media, especially Instagram feeds really suck knee in to the beauty. And I love it. But they also make me feel horribly inadequate, especially when people should pictures of their houses. So I enjoy asking my guest just in solidarity and to help me feel better what you are not doing nothing. I would say in particular were what he's in his wife even around like self care for me. So I feel like way more out of physical shape than I have been other kinds of. Right there with you. Just probably could be something very simple that I need to do. Whether it's like an extra loop around the neighborhood with the stroller or. You know, I hadn't casing around the two year old myth for the times. That counts as exercise totally totally for that. Because I'm not doing. I'm also not taking any Loubster. My neighbor. Yeah. Thanks for sharing. And then on the flip side. Do you have a life hack that helping you out right now, I probably would. The like guarding my like sleep time. So do the like moving out of that first year with with heaven to be like baby year, an even just before that through stuff of pregnancy and cancer all of that sleep was a terrible either in stress or physical anything that's going on. And so it really felt like in this last, I don't know six to eight months of sleeping. I don't know six to eight hours for the first time in a very long time. And so just a do feel like I. Being more fully kind of guarding that. Okay. I'm getting in bed at this time. And hopefully, no one's awake before this. So that probably sounds really simple. But something that hasn't happened in a mini years. Well, I think that's great. Because I I think we underestimate how much that sleep changes everything like the impact that that has on all of the other little things and just the converse of that. Which is when we're not flipping like things can fall apart very very quickly and things got ugly, very very quickly for our kids. And for us. I feel like I feel like sleep is a lynchpin for so many things and how we distress in process, even even processed trauma. And so I think that's for sure. A phenomenal life that we all should be. Taking a part of as often as possible. When you say life hack, and like I think that when it's going when I'm pleading consistently and well for a number of gay just super thankful for like a boy. Thank you. This is way better. That's a really long cone. I think that's a perfect way pack. So we'll Courtney I am so thankful that Blyth connected us. I have been super blessed by your story. And I know that those people listening are just going to be blessed fight as well blown away by your faithfulness encouraged challenge. All of those things where can people find you are you on social media? If folks are Kutch by your story or find something that, you know, they're walking through that's tough. How can they find you? I don't do his creative as I would like is in the blog world, but I do from time to time right on a blog with his clippings March Ford. And then I am definitely more consistent like on Instagram, which is just court Allen C O U R V A L. L E N. Those are probably the two main places. Yeah, perfect. I love that. And to being smart for it as such a I don't know I feel like a really apropos name for your blog. Well done. Oh, well, it's a thing. Most of the more Fiqh things happened in March. So somehow had to make that a big part of her for the log cat. Thank you so much really for her wanting to hear and Finn in Tom tonight. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you again. I feel like I am definitely on the receiving end of the greater blessing in the steel. So I really appreciated hearing your story. I'll hopefully get talk sued. Tissues. Right. Every time. I listen to this conversation. Courtney soft southern voice seems in such stark contrast to what she's been through there, so much bravery and faith and grace and not even a hint of bitterness and resentment laced in her sweet voice. What was the most challenging part of what she shared for you. I love getting feedback for the show through an items review more via social media. You can find the links to my social media as well as Courtney's blog and her Instagram at WWW dot the core combs dot com, while you're there make sure to subscribe to the blog newsletter. So you can get updates on. What's coming podcast wise later this summer, there are some fun changes coming based on audience feedback. So you don't wanna miss out. If you subscribe, you'll also get a great parenting freebie to walk you through making connected parenting decisions. It's a win win. So have a great summer and meet me back here on August. Seventh for the launch of the next season.

Sian Allen Zoe Alan Sadie Tom Toby Courtney Knicks Tiffany Instagram cancer Blyth Melissa kirkum cork board Neal Paradyne Brett Gill
Episode 59  Plan for the Future Now

Your Optimal Personal Economy

12:06 min | 2 years ago

Episode 59 Plan for the Future Now

"Welcome to your optimal personal economy. PODCAST with Justin Bennet. Your personal economy is your ability to create protect preserve reserve and utilize your wealth your financial world justin. We'll share strategies and stories to help you optimize your personal economy now onto the show with Justin Bennett and Co host Matt Holleran. Hello and welcome to another podcast with Justin Bennett. It is very important to plan and for the future and that's really what planners supposed to do but a lot of times planners to don't realize that their actions you can take now so that that planning for the future is even better in lots of things and that's what we're going to talk to Justin about today so just a welcome to the show. Thanks man. I'm well and you. Great ungracious. Is Conversations an ongoing conversation. My observation experience has been that most professionals nationals by business. Don't planning they're fairly reactionary and not proactive. You know so I think in being able to provide good thinking the clients that we serve which allows them to be proactive and beat a position to do decision today. Allow them to build a bigger decision in the future. There's more effective more efficient to them. They're planning becomes a really really important part versus versus not doing something now and then trying to evaluate a decision in the future. They know that they're gonna WanNa make and then learning that they may not be able to do. We work hard for that more whatever. The circumstance may be champ challenging for me to do it okay. This is a little. This is a little heady dude can you. Can you give us an example of something. A little bit more tangible that the audience will be able to sink their teeth into can probably offer to specific Campbell's Matt's why don't we start with. Want me to the second one. All right sounds good. I'll related to a conversation that I had recently this week in. I've a really really good client of many many years on business. He owns a large portfolio. The of rental real estate he's acquire on his own over the years he has like real estate and also wants to protect his family. I'm laying likes the the cash value component of blyth return so we put money whole life insurance and so we and we were doing a review with recently in looking to buy more properties expanding. His business actually went into second business and they may start a business. bruins accessible guy and I think in the first quarter of Justin. I WANNA I wanNA put away some more money into the whole life get protection in Vivo cash value component. That has been so great to make sense. Of course I think that if if you want to do if you know that you want to do that now right. And we know that there's the ability to put an intermediary step place now how it would allow for you to a hundred percent certainty act on that desire and first quarter of eggs year. Why don't we look at that intermediary Gary Staff in place and he looked at me a little perplexing I said why don't we just make it really said bone but a million dollars of burnable term life insurance in place? We know that you're healthy now. We lock that in in next year you can. You can put money to elect that you want. I heard you of converting term is well. It's probably worth exploring Long Story Short. He ended up following me down that guide impasse in just the other day. He was trying to finalize everything and it was like well so if I put some more into the whole life in the first quarter of next year because again buying more real estate portfolios increasing the second in maybe the third business now. That's going to be launching. Obviously makes sense to move through time and make sure everything's balanced which is why you know wanting to put more money into the whole life eating. I could like convert a piece of that term in the first quarter of next year will have many many more years I to convert as much as I want going forward the an incredible like I never would offer that to me or suggested that to kind of the intermediary step of place because he goes. I understand that as young as I am. I think he's in his early forties. I know my health looking change changes. I don't want to prevent myself from being able to put it in and so if we can put determine place vaneman converted without having to go through any sort of medical attesting etcetera because of my health and we do it even plays on a great idea whether he thought it was a great idea. I mean I I I just tried to provide thinking people that give me an understanding of what they want. That's probably one example Matt well and see if we can come up with. You said you two food samples but the other one house to do with again acting early and creating disciplined surrounding. That acting early was was that a transition to your next one. I think that was a good all right. So yeah I mean this whole idea that successful. Oh people high-performance people in DISEA- rising train to their income in all tonight. It spikes up fairly quickly year-over-year year-over-year it's going up to three percents. Event is going up by more than that so in what we do with. Our clients is from begging goal at half a million dogs a year or three hundred fifty thousand dollars. Whatever the number is four hundred thousand? We make sure that there's administrative infrastructure employees that captures proper amount of savings new money savings off their current income with a clear understanding that their income. If it's at four hundred thousand now over the next two or three years could easily be at six seven. Eight hundred thousand dollars is playing a big game and have of skill sets in concentration in particular crap. That's going allow them to get there. And so if we're saving a percentage of four hundred we have in systematically being being saved when they're earning six or seven hundred can they save the same percentage is going to be a higher dollar amount. They're not going to be missing that amount because not overspending now. So they're they're they're not even overweight saving. They're saving at a proper proper level. People underweight save an overweight but in this case we can just put some real simple infrastructure that allows fifteen to twenty percent of their of their own about balancing number. Whatever the income may be today the systematically see the ability disciplined bill destruction? They a bill the desire to want to do it and then we'll need comes bike shop spending some of the rising declare. They're definitely spending some of it today. Fifteen to twenty percent you know six or seven or eight hundred thousand dollar income level which is naturally higher. Dollar amount is is very easy for them to do and that easy thing to do then allows them to win out over the long term. But they're planning and their wealth building because it could into the future point in time where they want to slow down or stop working and have their assets producer as opposed to them producing a much sooner fashion starting early on either of those two examples that you gave really truly can make such long term differences when it comes to the last statement that you made there which is your your investments creating income for you instead of you having to create all of the income. That's gotTa be pretty frigging liberating isn't it. It is pretty cool. It is pretty cool and it was easier to to not make the decision to want to the infrastructure in the savings the discipline the plan cash flow in place today. But it's GonNa make it one heck of a decision harder in the future to save new money at a higher level. I love. You haven't got used to saving you money in the current and a low Well and rewarding yourself for your hard work is important but also making sure that you're planning for that future feature by acting now is vital closing ideas or thoughts or questions. I should have asked you. I didn't think what we should be aware of that. Ed might be focused on certain decision. A certain goal at some point in future and and we have the option we can either sit around and do nothing taking the intermediary step to give to that goal and then just let convinces by them when we get to that point in time that we think is appropriate for asthma goal which there might be extenuating circumstances that prevent us from being able to act on that goal or that objective or that desire that are completely outside of our control the where we can put things in place that allow us to move move a little bit more easily towards that or that focus that we want focusing on where we could. We could eliminate more circumstances that would prevent us from being able to act on it and in that way when we're just kinda like president button so to speak and it's seamless it's refreshing. It's fun it's enjoyable. Bruises of really really good result to a planning in the future in the current. And I think people if given the option would love to be loved to be going down that road they just need to have that road mapped out for them and I think we're pretty proficient in being able to do that. And if you are a person who's about to enter into their peak earning years and realized that you don't have that plan that map in front of you. Please make sure that you set appointment in in. Sit Down with everybody at financial group because it's really important to have that plan. It's hard in life when you have an idea on where you want to go but you don't really know how how to get there. Having a real plan in place can truly make all the difference in the world so justin. Thanks for being on the show. If you have not subscribe to the podcast make sure you click subscribe now it that way every time Justin comes out with a new podcast show up directly on you're listening device and finally if you do know somebody who needs your podcast all you have to click that share button super super easy to we do that and you will be able to help your friends and family truly live a better financial life so for everybody abandon financial group. This is Matt Halloran. And we'll see you on the other side of the Mike very very soon. Justin Bennett is a registered representative of Park. Avenue's securities LLC or P A S O s j eleven fifty Raritan Road Suite two. Oh One CRANFORD New Jersey zero seven zero one six phone number nine eight eight seven zero nine zero zero. Two zero securities products are offered through. PAAS member of FINRA SIPC financial representative of the Guardian in Life Insurance Company of America. New York New York P. A. S. is an indirect wholly owned subsidiary of Guardian Bene- financial financial group. L._l._C. is not an affiliate or a subsidiary of P._A._A._S.. Or Guardian.

Justin Bennett Justin WanNa Justin Bennet Matt Matt Holleran Matt Halloran New York underweight New York blyth Life Insurance Company of Amer FINRA SIPC Gary Staff DISEA Avenue Mike
Podcast 319: How to identify, understand, and heal PTSD (with Kati Morton)

CLEANING UP THE MENTAL MESS with Dr. Caroline Leaf

1:00:39 hr | 3 weeks ago

Podcast 319: How to identify, understand, and heal PTSD (with Kati Morton)

"If you haven't heard about anchor it's the easiest way to make a part cost. This is how i make my pod. Costs let me explain. It's free these creation tools that allow you to record. And edit your part cost right from your phone or computer ankle will distribute your cost fo. You said can be heard on spotify eople part cost and many more. You can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast. one place. Download the free anchor app or go to anchor dot. Fm to get started the link to the inca f will be in the show notes. Hi i'm dr caroline leaf and welcome to my podcast cleaning up the mental mace. In today's port-cost i talked to katie morrison. A license marriage and family therapist practicing and santa monica california. She's an entrepreneur and youtube. Creativity has both a global mental health online community and he's also author and just recently released a book. Traumatized we talk today about how to identify understand and cope with ptsd heart. You do social media using bridging needs to help move you for toxic self-talk retraumatize you to healthy self talk. Power working on mental health gets worse before it gets better and that this is okay and how to grieve over last time in periods of one. Blyth on tumor and so much mood before we begin our remind you about mental health retreat. That is running in dallas texas this year from the second to the fourth of december. We are really going to get into practical tips on. How managed to me. How to manage the two that we have all dealt with over the pandemic and just the traumas of day to day. Laugh in the different types of. I'm going to be showing you practically. How did use the nearest cycle to manage to matt anxiety. Depression all these warning signals at something is going on in life. I'm also going to be giving seem easy to see us if you need those. So you can register for those as well to go to the link in the show notes deduct conference dot com and book your seat. I can't wait to see you the conway to sign your book before we begin as well. This part cost is educational purposes and is not committee could advice. If you need medical advice please contact the appropriate medical professional and now onto today's cost katie. It's so good to be interviewing you back to new book. I'm really excited here. It is received at this week at beautiful feels good and i absolutely love this color. It's just it's beautiful gorgeous. It's actually one of the inside of my book is well. I love that. I just love it. Feel so good and the pink and everything. So congratulations and the content is as beautiful as the cover. So i'm really excited to talk to you. We've had so many wonderful talks about tumor and that really is your area of specialty. So welcome and thank you for joining me today. Yeah thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. That's wonderful so first of all. Just tell my listeners. a little bit more bochum. Who you all what you do. And why wrote the book yes so. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist. And i've been creating educational content online all about mental health for ten years now and i actually specialize in my practice for many years and eating disorder treatment and self injury and that comes along with a lot of times like borderline personality disorder and trauma. And so i'd always thought that that could be the cause of the need for coping behaviors like eating disorders self injury work and then when i started to spend more and more time online i heard from people all over the world. About how trauma was this. Like common vein that i honestly believe and i don't know if i say this in the book but i believe most of us i would even argue especially with the pandemic at least ninety percent of us have been traumatized. We just need to talk about it and understand it more because it goes untreated because it goes unnoticed for years and years and so that's really where the idea was born out of his honestly my years online recognizing how many people are affected by trauma and it is an it's so pervasive. It's an every always talk about the fact that these even those little day-to-day tumors. That are not massive. But there enough there enough of an adverse experience to stress officer. Who in your book. You say this is a lot of things that are really really love. And i want to touch on the eating disorders. I want to touch on the cutting questions. We get a lot of civil comeback to that. But you talk about with the to seek therapy or counseling are not starting at the end to the beginning. But i think it's a great place to start because not everyone realizes these actually difference between coaching therapy and counseling and wayne. Should you choose what's left to start the. And then i want to really dive into the tumor. Yes so there is a huge difference. I'm glad you brought that up because a lot of people think life coaches do the same thing as therapists and it's it's really just not true. They can be beneficial to people. I'm not knocking anyone's expertise. However if something in our life is impeding our ability to function meaning that if if my anxiety let's say is getting so high that it's hard for me to socialize in the way that i want and it's hard for me to work in the way that i need to or it's hard for me to do those things family gatherings that's impairing my ability to function we think of functionality comes to anything in our home work life for in school it's affecting school our social life all of that. We need to notice if we're able to do everything we need to or want to. And if we can't you should reach out to someone and the difference between let's say a life coach and therapist is a therapist is actually a licensed professional. Who's gone through. I mean i did. Four years of undergrad and then two years of graduate school plus a gathering three thousand hours of clinical work and they're able to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. a life. coach isn't able to do those things they're more able to. Maybe help you get perspective on life help. You may be better organized things or challenge some of those nasty thoughts that you have about yourself. It's more i would say life. Coaching like what we would reach out to that person like that. When we're we just need a little boost in our life we'd feel like i'm just not quite where i wanna beaten. But you would see a counselor a therapist or a social worker even a psychologist. I comp those all in the same bucket We would see anyone like myself. Are those other professionals when we aren't able to function or were struggling and we want some some real tangible research based support excellent. That's a really great way of looking at us. One of the ways that always talk about coaches is one. Is that if you in therapy. They may be a time when you can transition to coaching we. You just meet someone to guide you along the way just to be with with you keeping you on track and kind of walking you. Through the process you give perspective and they're kind of some rica retouched on that and the difference who six years of training versus a coaching course. Which is maybe a few months. The vast difference to understanding the human psyche. That's really really important. You talk a lot about the tumors not just from literally put it this way very often. We talk about tumor in the older models. People come and even now people still currently will think that's related to early childhood or. Ptsd war tumor. You know that can see as being associated with something huge which is but that's only one type of coma as you said yes. Ninety percent of people are seriously somebody will tumour even want to agree with you and say more than one. Hundred percent of people are being experiencing some level of tournament. Obviously it's degrees of tumor to some extent. Would you talk about this. This talk about you know what is to win a different types of toolman. How we need to be more informed as society. Yeah i agree with what we need to be more trauma informed. I think that that has led to a lot of people. Feeling misunderstood or invalidated minimized and we already struggle with that. If anybody out there is struggle the trauma you know that you already do invalidate yourself anymore exactly and so it kind of compounds that and so i agree with you. We do need to be more trauma informed. And i think the idea of trauma obviously and a talk about this book at the very. I think it's like the second chapter is the the idea or the research around. Ptsd did come from war right when people came back from where they came back with what was called shell shock and they didn't really understand it and so i'm thankful that we were able to start the research about trauma because of that because it was so apparent and there were so many people suffering with very severely rice lutely however the more that we know about things you have to think of like psychology such young field really to research and it comes to understanding at night even argue in the last twenty years. We've come a long way just in conversations about it. You know meeting people like you. Having good conversations that are helpful in sharing in knowledge and research it's important then so trauma can come from large events right. We can have one of my good friends who a trauma specialist wrote a blurb for the book about what she calls big t.'s and little t. traumas all traumas and it's not big and little to minimize or one's worse than the other night just can it's exactly exactly and she describes a big t. trauma like a standing on the sand at the edge of the ocean and the water's lapping at our feet. And a big t. traumas like a su- nami it. Floods in sweeps us away. And everything on the you know the edges of the boardwalk or whatever's up against ocean and it brings out to sea and we were washed away. Can her feet right out from underneath us. Right we cannot stabilize. We cannot cope. It's overwhelming boom. Happens like that. And that could be something like i was in a car crash or i was out more immuno. Maybe just had one. Obviously people go to war. It's usually more than one instance of trauma but let's just say for the sake of this that it was one that happens in that causes. Ptsd that can develop into it. However there are little t. Traumas things like i'm standing at the edge of the water and i have to switch schools kid. That's hard that tests my resilience right who that wave hits me i try to. I'm trying to get my footing. It doesn't just sweet knee right out right then. Let's say you're later. Grandparent passes away. That's another trauma. I haven't even got my footing from the first one. So i'm i'm still trying to grapple sticky my feet in the sand as quickly as possible and then let's say were bullied boom. We're our feet sweep out. Were washed out into the ocean pulled off the shore that both of those instances one big instance of trauma or multiples were. We can't get our footing. Both can develop into ptsd symptoms and be just as debilitating. And i think that the more we like. There's a famous study the acis study. Yeah to it's adverse childhood experiences. I think is what stands sensible and as anybody as i was researching for the book and reading through that. I don't think there's anybody out there that will say yes to at least one of those things exactly exactly and so those are traumas and i. I think the more that we talk about this the more the week knowledge the more people will feel validated and understood as to their symptoms. Because even if let's say we don't fully developed. ptsd we can still have symptoms of it. Meaning i could still be hyper vigilant. Like one of my good friends when when cova hit. I'm already prepared. Because i like hoard toilet paper and paper in preparation because she's always worried enough exactly so anyways it's i think it's important that we understand that trauma is a bunch of different things and it all depends on our resilience our ability to get that footing. How much can i manage. What tools are support do i have. And everybody's levels different. That's why it's like. We don't need to compare our trauma to someone else's everyone's experience that's why siblings can even be different to like my brother. I could have sustained. the same. Upbringing could struggle and be with depression. Ptsd anxiety and he could have none of those problems. Doing i don't know what your issue is. You know we see that all the time all the time. Yeah and that's really good guy. Yeah so just knowing about your resilience level understanding that if it's a trauma to you it's a trauma to you. That's that's it and we just changing the way we talk about it. Sleep is so important for optimal mind and brain health. As i'm sure you will know but it can't be a challenge. Thankfully the are many ways to previously environment including choosing the sheets will be sleeping on night off tonight. This is why i love bollandbranch. And the ultra soft organic sheets which are transparently soest and produced in safe conditions. You feel a difference and you know you making one. I love the product. So much that i've even bought seats as gifts for friends and family. Nine they will care for them as much as i do. My personal favorite is a signature him sheets which are so soft. They felt the most battery and only get software with every wash plus. I loved it. The one hundred percent organic cotton seventeen is perfect for all seasons especially as we head into the colder months. I am thankful that to keep changing my sheets every season to experience the face sheet. You ever felt choose bollandbranch you can try them worry free for thirty nights with free shipping and returns and my listeners. Get an exclusive fifteen percent off your first set of sheets promo code doctor leaf at bollandbranch dot com. That's bollandbranch b. l. andbranch dot com promo code dock leaf. The link and details will be in the show notes. I love that and it has become so different university. Back to thirty eight years ago when i was chained and was practicing in practice clinic scientists so we came from that host of brain perspective as well and monitoring connection. It was interesting because we would work with a psychologist psychiatrist. And i say that to say how it was almost like anything that was mind was well. That's not as important. It's kind of like it's only newcastle. United olindo a negative statement. But now you. And i know that in your head is the statement. I mean it all starts and ends in his. That's you know that's not sorted out so that's from happy now in this day and age that we are seeing the value of of. It's all in the head as being while let's pay tainted versus earth. Brush aside get yourself together. Know what's wrong with you. Hated the stand sort of things. So that's really wonderful that we took and more people are talking about this in writing about this and that's how we can shift and make a shift in in how we handle things in society and that's really fantastic. I mean just look at the the changes in this day and age with technology and hours to two miles of my kids range between the age of twenty two and thirty and so before to borderline millennials and borderline They they even even the they like the one twenty-seven-year-old was saying. Oh gosh. I don't even understand some of these genes. Er near understand they talking about. She was joking insane. Because i couldn't do something. There was some things she was helping with his own. These say about all of any fifty eight. She said mom you all all to the jamesy. I don't even know they'd talking about beheaded law about that but that changed. that shift is also in itself. a each generation is experiencing. Its tumor so my question. Is this moment to degeneration. Tumor may be with you know. The social media was under the deaths. The ear that you have expertise. In and that kind of tumor that is causing with james e millennials. And i really think gee seems to be suffering. Everyone's suffering from it. But you know there's so much good in it but these also so much suffering so. Let's unpack that a little bit. 'cause people familiar with that. They're aware of it. But what does it look like. Can you give more information. Maybe some guidance for parents in listening those that are listening these listening. Yeah of course. I think like you said social media can be a beautiful thing right. It's it's allowed me to connect with you connect with my community. I get to hear from people and it's actually the reason that the book was able to be created right i heard from them how debilitating trauma was and you know how difficult it was and i felt like people needed to talk about it. We need to hear more but the dark side of social media is in that connectivity if we think about trauma and the definition of trauma the way i kinda define it is anything that happens to us that threatens us or someone that we care about threatens physical or emotional safety we could become traumatized it can be overwhelming to our system right. We're not able to process it and we can become traumatize. If i'm watching. You live through social media be hurt or watching something scary happen watching someone break into someone's home and and shoot someone. I mean. I know that people it sounds wild and it sounds terrible but if we think about it there have been instances of this or people who live streamed horrific acts of violence. And i believe that. In those instances like i remember. Forget if this was this was like twenty twenty or twenty nineteen probably twenty nineteen but there was a girl driving drunk live streaming herself driving with her car. I think to remember that incident. yeah And they got into a horrible accent and her sister died. And i. I would be lying if i didn't say i wasn't affected right like i was. I couldn't i don't know it was. It was overwhelming to my system. And so that connectivity. I believe gives us. It makes us more vulnerable to trauma. I think then. I talk in the book about the importance of being careful about who we follow what we digest online because we always talk about garbage in garbage out when it comes to our diet food that we put into our bodies but what we see and what we digest with our is is just as important and so one thing that i do with with freedom is mute and follow people in the secular if it is someone that i really care about in my real life. I may have a conversation where i'm like. Hey i'm just trying to work on myself. And i find myself feeling jealous of you and so i need to work on that. So i'm gonna you for a little bit know that i love you. It has nothing to do with you. It's all about me now. I know for a lot of people. Those kinds of conversations are really difficult to have. Yeah but that's why receive kanter is see people are very about those kind of so. You've got to be prepared for that boundary you need to create exactly and and if it doesn't feel safe for you there's nothing wrong with just muting someone and they don't have to know about it will still show you follow them. You just won't see their posts and in a lot of ways. I think we need to utilize social media in a very cautious. Careful way i had talked. I think it was. Dr drew months and months ago. But he thinks we will talk about social media in like ten years the way that we talked about smoking in like the eighties. -solutely it's like we realize oh. This is really dangerous. We didn't think it was dangerous. We thought it was so wonderful. And there are beautiful parts of it. But i think we need to be really careful and cautious about who follow and why we follow them and how we feel before and after interacting with social media so good so good such that very away inside from approach. I read a study just a couple of days ago. About how are they showing more. It's not about the quantity of social media. It's about the quality and that's what you're referring to you know. It's the quantity quantity argument that you just. It's it's really how you handing. That's what are you doing with it. What are you thinking about it as you go through. How you managing that. And that's such a major problem is is managed is management of issues of life and nothing. This is social media has created that in technology. This we deal with a major quick quick fix instant gratification. In in order in this this is it. this is a really big issue which also itself is traumatic. because then you think will warm of patia mama. You're the comparison thing and how you feel about that as well with social media and quick fairly and give me a polo. It's going to be done now and versus doing the work. Change is hard right changes uncomfortable. We don't make any behavioral change without some discomfort. And i think that instant gratification and also one of my favorite quotes is comparison is the thief of joy. He sits such a good court. And it's just so true right. I can be so happy with something that i have right. Let's say you know. I've worked forever and i finally got a car about my own car and i'm so proud up comes a friend in a brand new. Bmw or something you know we could look and be like oh well then. My car looks like garbage right. It can take away that joy when in reality you should be proud and your car is amazing. And and you worked for it. And it's yours you know as whole competition thing voces enhancement into the interesting thing katie's at vc from the brain research neuroscience neuroscience that when you are envious and contract compete with us to the point goes to envy yukos brain damage. So it's just you know whereas if you support if you hans others and you don't see they make you happy for them for who they are what they cheating. But you don't aren't happy for them. Happy in this negative saints that you want you want. They've got kind of the envy. You can increase your intelligence so just to go. Sam how we itself that envy as you say the costing that in itself then becomes joy turns into tumor things. Yes accents. I just never thought about it in that way. But yeah if you think about your ability to whether it right into come out on top to feel okay if you're not able to it becomes debilitating if that's all you can think about. I mean i've i've unfortunately had some patients over the years really struggle with that comparison factor and i mean in the eating disorder space. It's rampant sees come like all consuming really ken. And then you you sit these patents up in your wi. They've been in practice for the periods of time. The sixty three day cycles you see the wiring in because not many people realize how we all know that we use the analogy of walking down the same path. And how you wear that part but it really is real in the brain using something or thinking in a certain way for example comparing so everything top. Some something happens to everything if you compare you then. Why in a predictive pathway. So you see your life to negative comparison. The net is to medic. Your thing then becomes tumor because you do not at this. The thief of joy as you mentioned which is which is so important. You also worked a lot in early years with people that battled was cutting and eating disorders now. Those belated unrelated. Sometimes you find birth. Can you talk a little bit about those two either separately or together whichever way it works because there is a very important things to discuss no but they very often the white elephant in the room. Saad left to just address those so take it however you want but those you know nuts. It's i'm i'm glad giving up to talk about it because it is. Those are two very stigmatized mental illnesses and even with self injury. A lot of people still don't understand it and assume from the beginning that it's a suicide attempt which it is not and non suicidal self injury is in the dsm as like an area needing further study but as we know diagnostic. Manuals are always likes ten years behind ended. A symptom related doesn't give you any description. Such religious essentially police. Are we say good stock. It is. It is for people who like it. I like to know i'm like well. It's a good place to start. We can starter understanding there but that should definitely not be then. I'll be all thank you. Yeah no of course. I had a ton about in the book but my editor was like. I don't think people need to know about all your thoughts. There's a mutual feeling a little. Thank you that makes me feel good but when it comes to eating disorders self injury. The way that. I view them as more as a maladaptive coping skill meaning that we didn't have any tools to manage how we felt or what we were going through and so we tell us what we can and control what we can and that is often our body and actually that's really the only thing we can kind of control is ourselves right. We can't control anybody else. And so people you know overeat under eat over exercise would ever abuse laxatives purge and then with within the eating disorder space. A lot of it is is like born out of trauma. Because i feel so like for instance. I had a patient years ago. Who said that her abuser. She was sexually abused as a child. Again trauma right yeah. Abusers said that he liked how squishy she was and so. I'm just going to stop eating. I won't be squishy. That's what attracted to me. That's why this happened to me. I'm gonna fix assists and it's not always so directly correlated like that but in a lot of ways it really is for many patients of mine over the years. It's about feeling free to take up. Space linger wearing the more restrictive type of eating disorder. We can feel like we don't have a right to take up space so i need to take up as little space as possible especially females. It's not always females but there's kind of this systemic you know we have to make ourselves smaller and not be as loud maybe as we want and luckily those things are changing but for many generations that could be a message that was interesting and then for the binging side because i believe binge eating disorder to be the most common eating disorder that for a lot of my patients in viewers of told me at a lot of it's like i want to numb out and the way i numb out is i focus all my energy unlike procuring the food that i want and setting up the ritual for the eating and then eating until i'm so uncomfortably full. That's all i can think about right if i'm uncomfortable. It's hard to focus on anything else i. I can't acknowledged that. I really feel sad or i really feel lonely angry. You know whatever it may be and so eating disorders instead of seeing them a lot of unfortunately a lot of you know media portrays it as like a vanity measure. It's more done as a way to cope in a way to. Yes exactly. it's it when we talk about on the live audio room about or even my life instagram ideas. Acs about the the tree right wiring and that's kind of like the roots and if we think of it yes it's like as to eating disorders. One of those leaves. It's just symptom out the top and like everybody wants to just treat that like. Oh you leave. You just need to not eat as much less than exercise that helps if i don't have an eating disorder sedley and where does eating just sorta come from. It's coming from a root is an origin date inside which is usually trauma or another trump is mainly trauma towards trauma. Yeah it's trauma any way you look at. It and self injury is very similar. I see them as very talks. Eq one yes yes. I love that such a good visual but the self injury eating disorders for many of my patients not all. But they're very closely connected. You could even see under eating or overeating as a way of harming yourself right. If we push like conceptualize it that way but again it's a coping skill. Some of my patients who were neglected as children will injure themselves again. It's ninety nine point. Nine percent percents times not a suicide attempt by. Ask them about it. It is important to to have a conversation so you fully understand. Let's not ignorant right exactly once. They've explained to us why it's usually more like one of my patients was neglected and when she would harm herself she would do it. Our mother never did. She would tend to her wounds care for herself and part of that. Was that inner child that needed someone to say. I love you. It's okay. I see your booboo. You know. Put the mandate on kiss at make it better and so she was trying in although it was unhealthy way. Because it wasn't sustainable. It ends up not making you feel better. Most former sponsors are the unsustainable but they in the moas in. That's all we know right so we try to feel better in the moment. And so i really see those like eating. Disorders and self injury is very related. Even though non all people engage in both. But they're really just ways to cope ways to express the pain. We feel some of myself. Injury patients will say that it shows what i feel inside and the best thing we can do and we're struggling with either is honestly slowly. Get in touch with the thoughts and the feelings and what it is. It's going to the root. I was talking to my audience about the root of the route. We can treat the symptoms and we do want to get the sword self injury behavior under control. Yes however it's out of that trauma divert where it's coming from. What's because then if we heal that trauma or that route then that the tree won't survive right now the the urge to do it. We'll go go away. It doesn't have a purpose anymore. So why would we do it. That's so good. That's that's excellent. And that's we in my wheelhouse knock when it comes to the biomedical model. I do like. I do want everybody to know that i do believe that. Medication can be helpful. I always talk to my audience and my patients alike the drowning in those symptoms because those symptoms are what brings us into therapy or makes us reach out to our doctor. Those symptoms can be terrible. And so we're drowning them so much so that any of the behavioral techniques or tools you are i would offer. You can't do them then that's okay. It's it's a resource. It's a tool that we're going to use to get you a place where you can try to act. Not the way. They gingrich chronically. It's an note has only be exactly as i have. Sars is expanded that if you have surgery you not going to do with us an anesthetic not gonna love on an anesthetic and Mix are basically anesthetics. So they've been for a very very short time and the move on. So yes in these different types that really recuperating those those kind of things really rick your brain so here hear what you're saying. Yeah running to. The store has been pretty stressful lately. And there's nothing worse than forgetting something on your list and needing to make multiple trips shopping for homosexuals. Should be easy and convenient vets. We grove collaborative comes in. Grove is the online marketplace. It delivers healthy home. Beauty and personal care products directly to you. Grove takes the case with going green. If a product is guaranteed to be good for you your family it will and the planet. I recently got myself. Some great clean makeup and skincare products. That are not only formulated with ought toxic ingredients that irritate my skin but also really work like the tree to tub double heireann ick hydrating serum. I also use growth collaborative to get hassled cleaning supplies. Pete food i ate essentials and more. It's a one stop amazing shop. Join over two million households who choose to shop sustainably at growth plus shipping is fast and free on your first order choosing products that base of for you and the planet has never been easier for a limited time when my listeners go to grove dot com slash leaf. You will get to choose a free starter. Sit with your first order go to grove dot com slash. Leave to get you exclusive offer. That's grove dot com slash leaf. The link and offer details will be in the show notes. And then i mean. Obviously there's more pervasive. Mental illnesses like schizophrenia bipolar disorder. Which may need medication to allow us to function in our life. Everybody's situation is different but just having medication on board without any work to get into the root cause. We're talking about trauma specifically here. If you have trauma in your life and you're merely treating the depression anxiety the explosiveness that maybe you feel that. Accompanies your ptsd. It's not going to get any better for you like you're just maybe you'll find a medication that makes those symptoms khanna. Go away but you're going to be dependent upon that medication for the rest of your life and if it stops working then what we had to find another it can take three weeks. You know well around that as well that whole discussion of education at security complex because of the party pharmacy in withdrawal symptoms. Be mixed up with the moon. So there's so much in both. The medication is just one of those areas. It's so dangerous user into it. Yeah so i think as a as a life raft to get your head above water while you do the work and i think unfortunately the way that our our systems of care are set up in the states and other parts of the world. They don't put enough emphasis on the actual therapeutic work and easing preemptive. Were they should encourage people to get into treatment and talk to someone earlier because clearly a like in the eating disorder realm like i couldn't i used to work in a residential facility for years. But if they weren't there. Bmi which is such garbage. Oh gosh such garbage. Thank you yeah. It wasn't low enough than they couldn't be admitted because it wouldn't be covered by insurance sharon. And i'm like crazy. Yeah why should they have to get her to for them to get treatment. That doesn't make any sense. You should want them to get treated earlier because then it won't take as long to get better right booed onto through. Somebody's exactly just angers me like nothing else. I say no. I agree with you even in socialized medicine systems. I hear from my audience all the time. They're very vocal about in like canada and the uk. You wait for like a year and a half to get in to see a therapist and then they give you like six to eight sessions and so now we can move into like timelines so if you are going to see someone like in my first book are you okay. That came out in twenty eighteen. Talk about what how to find a good therapist. Like what should you be looking for. What are the things. I wanted to bring up. I'm so glad that you've been a little bit in here as well. That's yeah that's because a lot of people don't know right and when we go to a doctor we automatically think will they know more than i do so they must have my best interest in mind. They must because their job and it's important to try a couple of people ask you can ask to see their resume or cv. You can ask them yeah. Customer examinations want to go to. You know. I don't know let's say have an issue with my heart would want to make sure it was a cardiologists. Not a foot doctor. Executive might be important right and you same for you wanna make sure that they are trained and understand what you are dealing with especially trauma you wanna make sure their trauma informed and preferably a trauma specialist but i know in some places that's not available so trauma informed as you know is good too but a good therapist will create what we call a treatment. Plan now some therapists like myself. I'm pretty rigid about it. I like to get on paper like to ride it out. I like to give you a copy. I like to have it be like this living breathing. Document that we constantly talk through and work on. But i know other therapists have different feelings. Where they're like we talk about it. I write it in my notes. i follow up. That's all fine. All that to say you should have goals that you are working toward and that you check in on those goals frequently and you feel that you're making progress towards them now. Some things are going to be easier than others like okay. Let's say one thing that's really bothering me. Is i want to in my nails. And so you know. I do some behavioral techniques. I noticed what my triggers are. When i really want to chew and and try to find ways to manage that okay that might take. I don't know let's say a couple of months. And then maybe i'm able to stop but then there's going to be these deeper issues like trauma and healing from that and that takes a lot of inner child work. There's going to be these different issues that come up. We're going to have to understand what shame is and how much of a hold it has on our lives in work to change those thought patterns so we can make an wire those essentially beliefs we have about ourselves When it comes to trauma work. I always tell people. It's more long term. I would honestly. I mean most of my trauma patients that i've seen over the years. We're talking two years of treatment potentially depending on how pervasive right. I don't want anybody who's been there for five years or sixers if you're still feeling like you're making progress and you still feel that these these issues that you're diving into our your mate ear you're not fathered by them as much. The symptoms are going down. We don't feel as emotionally charged when we talk about things we're not as disruptive or dis- regulated than that's all good so stay in as long as you need but i. I really think we're talking years not months and yeah. I had some of my patients that would go through multiple sixty three day cycles. And with tim which would take you into two years. Sometimes you know he's working on one thing. That actually was twenty six. Because of the of of tumor. Yeah what do you think it might be one route. But then you see that route has the league's exactly i always think of electorate with san francisco had them one of the biggest root systems of trees in the world. And how they took evasive and how they reach into each other's truly you will. The routes connect with each other. They're above ground and below the ground on every thing. Yeah yeah just kind of they they they in your face and you not even always aware of exactly and you might not know when you first dig in what you're gonna find and that's very normal. Repressed memories are a real thing in it. It's a way for us to survive. It's adaptive i get it but you might be surprised what you find. I talk about trauma like having this big closet. I think i mentioned this on our live. It's like a big closet with these bins of just chaos things we've stuffed in pushed to the back. Put something else in front of it and then we try to do the work. With the therapist we pull all these bins out and dump it on the floor to make sense of it to organize and we realized just how much it is right. we might. We haven't looked in that closet for years. And so we might be surprised what we find and i think giving yourself some compassion and time and ensuring that the person that you're seeing is working with you towards your kohl's i know in therapy can be hard. We can feel like oh. I'm making progress on that for a little bit. But then my my actual life today becomes stressful and we get sidetracked by that. And i never get back to that trauma work. That's because you're you're probably either not having enough therapy time or you're not seeing a therapist who is trauma informed or a trauma specialist because all of the things that are happening today. I know this might be hard for people to hear and you may disagree but the problems are having today are representative of the problems you had yesterday so there's really not a difference. I don't really see a derailment necessary when it comes to my patients who are like in a fight with her husband. But we're look we're dealing with their past relationship with their mom or dad or something. I'm like oh do you see how this is connected is connected and it keeps you on track. I think having someone who can ensure that you were bringing it back to the thing that we're really working on because that's what's causing this upset today very good. I liked what you've raised the point that happens soccer and she said to get bitter in therapy. You still get hit by your day to day. Stuff plus lee. Who was that will happen today. And next week as well as poss- you've that's why we have to hold this whole concept of mentioned which is what you build into therapy situation as well and they've got to know how to mention himself in between so it's almost i often think people are. This happened at soccer and get it done. These certain obviously a level of truth. But it's almost and this is not judgment at all. This is very much a going. Love your opinion on this goes to the that ed a point in the tumor work where it's getting really hard things get lucifer before they get and can feel like you're going backwards. But actually you progressing board that i from the neuroscience research because we see that you see the changes in the brain but you actually a little bit worse but it's a different kind of worse and you still right. If you are in two main forms therapist you can expand yes. It is worse but it's a different world sees. The depression may be more. But it's a different depression because you're not a priest about what you're seeing that you see before and so therefore that with and now you're dealing with the day to day stuff but you so vulnerable from what you've just seen that. The day stay steph is ten times similar. It would be as been. You didn't see that but you'll get through to 'cause you progressing some really glad you raised breath. It's just to keep you back on on track and keep moving forward at as all that great work you've done today point. Stop the you can use not just the nature you you do mind and find patterns in your brain patterns will go back to exert comfortable. They're they're used to it until this uprooted the it's very easy to go back. And even win this uprooted. You still can remain. But because you never forget the past believe stabilize to a new pattern enough you will know how to deal with any of those. But if you haven't stabilize nothing that's and that was what i wanted to get into. You brought that up if you don't have that. New way of functioning sufficiently stabilized and grown to point. You're not going to deal with the day to day crazy as well as the progress. You actually making it therapy. Which can fool very scary and not one hundred percent. And i think it is important. I love that you said that because a lot of times. And i knew i know it kind of sucks to hear this but like i know it can take us forever to reach out right. It can take even myself when i get back into therapy all no. I need to go back. And he'll still take me a few months to make the call and schedule an appointment. That's just human nature. unfortunately our life. I don't know it's just the way that we are once we get in. We wanna feel better. We're like. I'm getting treatment. Feel better. I always told my all my patients but specifically trauma eating disorder and self injury base patients. I'm always like it's gonna get worse at first because like to your point yet you. You're opening up that closet and you're like oh my goodness there is so much in here and we can become overwhelmed. I fuel if we'd been stuffing our feelings for a long time and so they start to come up. What are these. I don't know how to deal. I don't let this. This feels bob. And so what we're we're kind of in that learning phase of treatment and so it's like we're going up this hill towards a better but those first few miles are just brutal but know that it does get better. We get to the peak and we go down. It's smooth sailing. I was able to hang in there. Especially if we're trying to break an addiction or a pattern our brains like no. I wanna go back. This'll be so much easier. This is so much harder to mind and body are alternative. Poobah all amazing is pulling spek. Yeah yeah they love that comfortable right that pattern. We did this for years. Why are we not doing that now. And so just have patience and compassion with yourself because it does get better. It's just hard at. I know one said this behavioral change working on our our brain or a mind to to to think differently to act differently was easy. It's just worth it. And that goes to the point. Be made in the beginning. That's the current sort of philosophies quick-fix five steams the wellness industry positive psychology which forgot good elements. Obviously but the is the messaging of. What's wrong with you. You've had x. amount of tim. Cpt sessions you read five books. You've done the seminar. You've you know why don't you go to a law for that. But it's the truth sex and also think of like you know you think of a swing. When you put a child on a swing and you. I push them is a lot of effort and in suddenly the swing. You've actually use. take off your all. Doesn't the momentum has to build and then we saw neuroscience research we swimmers recently kotaro. We saw the peak that game of peak. Hang around to anyone days and when people hit-back peak it's when they feel. Oh my gosh. Like i feel worse but i feel like this paradox and then it starts getting okay i can get to the other side and you start getting kanak and manage. I can make this work for me to get people through those particular phases. Some really scheduled it up. We have such an interesting discussion as well in in scrim lobby. Slip up the bridges. Remember going aguirre's years. I'd love to talk about that because you explain that beautifully really loved how you explained that. Can you talk about that. Of course and i talked about in the book too because i think tool wanted to bring it up. I love it. Yeah yeah of course talking about by the really fantastic so when we want to change a thought pattern right because we can have these automatic will. Let's be honest. We'll have a conversation with ourselves every day all day whether we're aware of it or not in that conversation can be very abusive in and of itself retraumatize us and so those conversations would be like you're so stupid you're so lazy you never get it right. No one's gonna love. You could be any kind of nasty conversation. And i want you for one second the retraumatize. I hope that we can retraumatize solves carry on conversations. Right it's harmful it's threatening and we might not be able to process so we can be having these conversations all the time and a lot of society would say like. Oh just fake it till you make it. You know be positive. Think positively but our brain band-aid yeah. It's a band aid. It's it's putting a band aid on a broken leg and so instead of doing that. What i call toxic positively. Just think positive. Because we all know. If i've been thinking i'm stupid for thirty seven years and i get into therapy today and my therapist says to me. You need to say that you're a very smart. I think you're super smart. You should think that you're smart. Might say i have a lot of evidence and years of That's a lie. Yeah and it will won't believe it and it will continue it right in the old one will come right back but your stupid. Yes because that tree is like the other one is like the size trying to put the. It's just a tiny seed and so instead of doing that we have to use. What what. I call bridge statements and essentially building a bridge slowly plank by plank nail by nail from the negative dumpster fire of a conversation. We're having into a more positive loving compassionate conversation with ourselves and the goal of those statements is to be neutral like neutral like the ocean between these islands is called neutral land bridge statement. When i think i'm so stupid i'm so stupid would be. I'm open to considering that what katy sane could have some truth to it. Maybe and i know people think well. That's not really positive at all because you didn't talk back to that. That's not the goal. The goal isn't to talk back immediately. 'cause we won't believe me for saying that i love how you said. Good goal is just to to not have that thought again not allow that thought to keep growing so instead of feeding. That thought we're going to feed the thought that maybe possibly things could get better. I am open to the thought that maybe someday i could be smart. Maybe right those. Those small changes in how we talk to ourselves are super powerful and obviously as we build and we get closer to positive. Yeah and over here. Yeah we will be saying things like i'll give you some analogies for positive. Land they perfect. Yes they saw as we're as we're approaching and we can see it on the horizon. The bridge statements might be more like you know did feel smart yesterday said citadel one. Settle on our little bridge boop. We've made it. We see it a little bit but again we're not saying i am super smart on this bridge. Swings swing bridge wasn't maybe the back of it and get some reinforcements this thing. Yeah get it. Get it tight a little tighter. Put a couple more screws and nails. Yeah and so just building little by little so that we're not essentially trash-talking ourselves all the time because if we do that then we're going to believe it and it slowly going to only feed that toxic tree. Were only going to be able to have thoughts. That are negative and cope stealing in helpless. Feeling which again going back to what we mentioned the beginning then can cause us to be re traumatized and so we have to change those conversations. Little by little thought by thought. I know it feels tedious. But just pick out like your top two to five thoughts and let's start there like many people these days. I've been struggling with uncertainty. What does the future hold. What will tomorrow look like. All these absurdities have made everyday activities like sleeping a challenge. Which is why. I've started using. Cbd to help support our mental health and randy toxin. I have found that. Cbd's great hope with sleep and reduces pain excited information however. The cbd market has become extremely saturated over the last few years. It seems like now you can buy. Cbd almost every coffee shop or grocery store. 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Hello need dot com slash doc to leave or enter doctor leaf at checkout for fifteen percent of your first one time order only for twenty percent of your first subscription order. That's h. e. l. l. add dot com slash doctor leaf to fifteen percent of your first one time over. Twenty percent of the first subscription the link and details will be in the show notes so based on what you see and i love how you say that is if you people often will say to meet sixty three days to change your brain. I don't have sixty three days for fifteen minutes a day so my and this kind of goes along with what you're saying they will your mind with working anyway so you may as will do it because otherwise in sixty three days time. You haven't used one bridge statement. You still have in both bridge but sixty three days. You've got sixty three parts of your bridge. Who actually maybe a third of the way down bridge the even the hallway. Maybe even just this much. It doesn't matter but you've made progress. You've move forward so your mind tweaking anyway. So you might have made us as will make it work in the right direction and bridging statements is a great way. And that's the reason. I really wanted emphasize. It is because it's so healthy because for too many years he's been this move towards. Just take this thing and can ensure it with a positive efim. Your thought that a positive admissions abed thing. But it's not gonna work if you just think you can put the vanguard on the bullet concept to just pull chop the head of the week. That's all it's doing. You're not going to believe that you don't do anything you don't believe and you only believe something when you get to the root cell okay. Well since they're kind of thing one thing i love. I love the bridging statements because it makes things accessible and people can work their own out. You can do whatever level you feel the need and the it's almost like people feel guilty around having a bridging statement. Oh i'm not doing the positive thing. And that's the media and you know this this philosophy that you just have to practice and you'll be fine doesn't work like that. It's not a quick realistic. Yeah we we have to consider something that i know. This is kind of it helps me put it in perspective but i know somebody will be like. That's kind of a negative way to think about it but just consider how long you been having the conversation. You've been having excellent years excellent when we're talking. What sixty two days. Sixty three more sixty street. Okay yeah what is that what setting. You're not even having this negative one for so long. We're not going to change it overnight. Cause it wasn't created overnight but there are things that we can do to feel better in the moment. There are coping skills for now but in the long term to keep building that bridge. Yeah she often used to five patients through a sixty three cycle of just working on. It just forget everything that you can't do image. Just start trying to learn to believe and sometimes it would take like multiple cycles of sixty three days just to get a person to believe the narrative that actually and this is something we also spoke about the narrative that i'm speaking to myself attach talk and the narrative that deep down. You knows the truce but it's so far that you don't believe you're gonna cross the chasm jemima's discussing something about this narrative of inner to these two narratives sense. Luckily non-uk should do that in the not can do that and i know if i do this and i know they can. They can give you a therapy back to you. Literally they can tell you but they still stuck and they said chasm between and how do you bridge now. We spoke about that. Can you talk a little bit. I mean you've got one narrative and you know that it's the truth. Narrative dislike and years. Sonoda that you speaking about yourself you kind of two narratives at once. But they're not they're not this one needs to go in this one needs to take over but it's not happening. Yeah i think. I mean kind of like bridge. Statements are part of that like on the chasm. And i think another component of it. Because because we're so comfortable in the current narrative it can be hard to jump in and like logically. We can always know what's better like over pete back wise mind. Yeah yes. I know you said this and i know i'm supposed to do that and did do it. But it didn't feel as good. And i always tell people like this new narrative this new way that we're going to try to live our life or the the more i don't know mindful however we call last three frame. Yeah a fresh new better us right. of course. we know that that's better. We already recognized the we talk happening. But it can be hard to let go of the old narrative and i always encouraged. I don't know if you agree with this. But i always encourage my patients. I'm like it's okay to grieve. the old you use. That's so important. I think there's some kind of healing and alvin like more and letting go as we allow ourselves to like i. I don't know if you've heard this from your patients but a lot of my patients will say. I'm just really angry that it took that many years from me ace or exists. Yes i missed out on all of this especially my patients who have trauma and dissociate. The they're like. I didn't i don't have full memory of these important events and i'm angry that it took it for good. It's okay to be angry. Throw a tantrum be mad and then be sad about it. That's okay and i think giving ourselves permission to to really feel it and allow it to go versus. We like white knuckle. Because we're like well. This is safe. It's under like i know it. It's comfortable. I know what to expect. This new thing is going to feel. Even though we know it's better logically. It can still feel super uncomfortable because we don't know what to expect. Some of my patients are told me. Well if i just keep in this trash narrative. I i know where it's gonna take me. It might not be good. But at least i know this. I don't know unknown a scary right. And i think it's like the left-wing gauge with that negative narrative but the more we also identify an acknowledged the fear and that. It's okay to be scared. Like i said earlier on like changes uncomfortable. It's not easy you don't do you. Don't change entire ways you talk to yourself without a little fight and without a little fear and you know in even slip ups right. It's not linear treatments not linear it's like a process i always say it's like a process not perfection and so i think really it's in those bridge statements as well as in the the allowing ourselves to to grieve and to recognize when we wanna go back to that old narrative. That's comfortable that that's all helpful information because it allows us to learn more about ourselves and our patterns so that we can identify those things and we can work to change them. And i know this can sound like too. It's like two hetty right. It's like it's a lot of conceptualize but just know that if you find yourself wanting to go back to old ways like i've had patients you know start talking more kindly to themselves than end up in a nasty abusive relationship again and they think i failed. I did all this work with you. And i failed. I'm like no no your workers and gone. You have this other positive narrative running along its there. We just felt like this was more comfortable and we work to identify. What are those comfort triggers. What are the things that we really are seeking because often it's not this sounds weird but it's it's not what we think it is. Will i like a bad boy or something. Let's say we're talking relationships. And i would say is it. Because he's a bad boy or is it because he's independent. He doesn't need you. You don't have to caretake for him like you do for everybody else. You know you might be able to pull. The axle formation was any. Why did you feel that you need to cave on what happened in the root and we'll so when you starting the sorta detective work of going back down to the root you start always talk about writing a book tour detectors and policy insurance kind of thing and and that's what she describing so beautifully that you've looked at that pattern and i'm so glad you sit there. Are they've done the work. They go back in an abusive relationship. You haven't failed. The work was done but they still an element is still maybe a portion here. That hasn't quite been dealt with so that's okay you just work to complete the picture of the things falling apart office. Got tape aren't so maybe that hard hasn't and so works for this thing. maybe hasn't been revealed. So yeah this is this win. This is unrevealed in. You have that to know you'll be at that point. We've got this really strong. So i have legible up. That's amazing well. I love talking to you and it's been third by like it's near. It's like the two hours flown by. I want my listeners to know and views to know how they get hold of you and we can get your book and win. It's being released. And if you can give us all those details of course and i love speaking with you too. Thanks for making the time and having me on today. So i have a youtube channel. My name is katie morton. You can search for k. A. t. i am oh i have podcast as katie. Anything in my book. Traumatized is out and available. Now it's in the world and you can get it wherever books are sold just search on amazon or target or burns nobles or even your local bookstore your local library you can ask for it there. And it's available and testing will congratulations and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. And i know he didn't touch touch. The tip of the great was a great conversation and you can get carried away for hours. I think talk about all these different things. So thank you for joining me today. Of course thank you so much for having me my pleasure. I hope you found today's podcast. Interesting and helpful if you want more tips and help with managing anxiety depression and mental health. Be sure to visit my website at dr leaf dot com and to sign up for my weekly newsletter. We also include a schedule of my speaking events and so much more and follow me on social media. I'm on twitter. Facebook and instagram just look for dr caroline leaf. Also i love seeing all your post on social media about this podcast. I love seeing what resonates with you and what you've learned so be short to continue posting and tagging me and listen. We know what you think and how these types worked out for you. And don't forget lever review and keep spreading the word about this podcast. Thank you for joining me today. I really hope you learn something. New and help full. Till then i'm dr caroline leaf this part cost represents the opinions of myself and my guests. Constantio should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for educational and informational purposes. Only please consult your healthcare professional for any individual medical questions. You may have while we make every effort to ensure that the information we are sharing his accuracy. Welcome any comments suggestions or corrections of errors.

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Three Rescues for the Price of One

Does This Happen to You

09:28 min | 3 months ago

Three Rescues for the Price of One

"Hi i'm chris. Kepler and welcome to disease happen to you. i'm an actor voice actor audiobook narrator and ryder. I love telling and sharing stories about the strange experiences. My friends and i have while doing mundane things like grocery shopping. That's why this podcast features funny stories from fantastic writers about our daily anomalies a micro audio book about life in befuddle men. Just for you our story. This week is from phil. Truman who you'll find on medium dot com and here is three rescues for the price of one one boy one dog one old coot bentley. And i don't see i. The reason bentley is a brown. Eyed boxer slice shepherd slash. God knows what else mix. And i'm an old coot. He's now eight so that makes him fifty six in dog years younger than me. But he's catching up. My oldest grandson and i rescued bentley five years ago. The eleven year old boy had just found out another baby would invade his house in less than a year and he was livid he already suffered through to other babies in his life his four years younger brother and a sister not yet a year old. This last one was a surprise to his parents and infuriating to the boy. Despite being the seniors sibling of the household. He didn't like it. One damn bit not sure why. Less room and attention for him. I guess who knows how an eleven year old thinks anyway. We live in the same town. So i went over to get him out of the house and hopefully his sn. It seemed like a good excuse to go get ice cream. I had no actual plan. Figured we'd hit a best buy to troll through the electronic wonders. Maybe visit brahms a big pet store. Occupied part of the same retail cluster. As the big geek paradise as past it. A sign outside announced a rescue dog audition side by that. I mean dogs. That needed it. Not those that did it. The boy opted for that. He already had a pet dog but his sudden excitement was much better than his silent brooding. What the heck. That's where we found the beast. The biggest dog on display a silky blonde. Sixty five pounder. He lay in his cage yawning while all the little yipper ze m. medium parker's on display. Set off a cacophonous row. He looked up at us and gave jason's offered fingers a token lick through the wires name on the cage. Red bentley sounded like an english butler doubted. This dogwood would hunt cramp. You need a dog. Jameson said no i. Don't i'd been douglas for two years over outlived five in my life. The last a retriever slash lab. I'd gotten as a pup stayed by my side for fourteen years then one day he couldn't stand up. Losing a dog is hard life happenings with kids and jobs. Take you on past dead dogs when you're younger but it gets harder. The older you get come on gramp. I like this one. You gotta feed it and take care of it. A question meant to be rhetorical. Sure no you won't because you don't live with me beside you've got a dog. But i want one your house. I the boy with grandfatherly scorn. I know your game. You're trying to play me again. Bentley lounged on the pad and his cage yawned again like a grizzly. I remembered reading somewhere. That dog yawning expressed anxiety also boredom and sleepiness. The dog and boy made a connection right away. Two pairs of big brown hopeful. I stared back in me. I yawned let me tell you. It's easier to get a real ide- than adopted a dog from an animal shelter but after a three week. Wait and a background check. That would've gotten me into area. Fifty one jameson. And i brought bentley home. My home. that happened five years ago. The boy hasn't once fed him however every time he comes over bentley pounces on him slavering him with licks and a set of happy dances you think the dogwood remember who puts food and his bowl twice a day and lets him out to poop. I'm not resentful or jealous. Though kind of gives me a warm feeling that to critters i introduced. Hit it off so well besides inducements for a sixteen year old to come visit his old. Grandpa are hard to come by but the boy likes dogs and the dog likes humans. Think in some bentley as grateful we pulled him off of death row back to my opening statement the dog. And i don't see i don i i. He thinks he's chihuahua. He likes to jump on my lap. When i'm in the chair watching tv. I can take that for about five minutes until shifts his position and puts a huge paul with his considerable weight behind it into my crotch. Then he puts his head in my direct line of sight to the tv. I keep telling him. He's not a cuddly lapdog but he ignores me next. he thinks he's a cat. I put food out. He sniffs at and gives me a little quick. Says nope what else she got. This has been going on from the beginning. We've tried every brand in walmart. Another look says how about some of that stuff. Your eating. I could go for that. But not the vincis. His most annoying behaviour he urinated for. I don't want him to never gets more than to feed off the patio. I think that's all he had while in stir and i can't get him to break the habit he is. He is more toxic than agent orange. I thought about bottling it up and selling it to compete with around up but my lawyer didn't wanna fight all the probable lawsuits. So i've got this yellow strip of dead grass. All around my patio thought about trading him to pee on all the fullish sprouting in the cracks of my driveway. But i don't have the patients. He lies on the bed in the room. I call my office every day and does his work while i do mine. He sleeps i right. He loves to lick my elbow. It's annoy usually comes when i'm at my computer. Deepen thought just getting into the zone. His way of telling me he needs to go. Kill some more grass around the patio. I try to ignore him but he persists until my elbow is wetter than spongebob in the shower. I can only put him off for so long before he barks at me. I usually go out with him to discourage his patio edge fetish but sometimes i stop at the pantry for a snack. I think he counts on that back at our workstations. He picks up on his sleeping where he left off like a true professional. While i try to reconstruct my thought processes those plans as robert burns once said gone off ugly which is gaelic for turned to poop two examples. I discovered several months. After the fact a minor character killed in chapter two came back to life in chapter twenty eight and like current day gender s. i. blyth's sleep change the sex of two children male to female one chapter to the next totally without their or their parents consent. Happy ending the boy and his newest junior. Most little sister are now the best buds so happened. They hit it off better than him. And the dog although bentley and i disagree on a lot of things he is my current dog. I just hope he outlives me. Thanks so much for listening. If you enjoyed the story let me know and share it with your friends. Follow me at kris k. K. aria on twitter or kris k. Kepler on facebook or check out my website. Www dot chris kepler dot com.

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