20 Burst results for "Bernard Brown"

"bernard brown" Discussed on Texas Titans Podcast

Texas Titans Podcast

04:32 min | 10 months ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Texas Titans Podcast

"What are your healthy boundaries your unhealthy boundaries. And we're able to with this massive life experience that we have right able to really walk them through what that looks like and help them through that for me. I've been reading a lot of books this last year a lot. I'm not really a reader. Like you are jason. But i do you know i've read You know the four agreements You know i've read embracing the wilderness bernard brown stuff and some of these other types of of i guess kind of a mixture of all kinds of things and and so i think especially when when eric and i are working with the family with the intervention intervening in the family system boundaries is the is the thing i see. Mostly that's people are what else still from From dave chapelle there. Most of us are habitual lines steppers. When it comes to that right right well you bring up such an important point that i can relate as a recovering people pleaser myself. It's freaking exhausting. And for the listener out there. If you want to hear a great conversation where again i selfishly turn it into a somewhat of a personal therapy session is with adam lane smith who is a retired therapist and one of the things that he brought to my attention. Was you guys like us carey when we're at a party. If the conversation starts to kind of go to law we think we're the ones in the group that have to keep it going it. We're the ones that are supposed to be. It's hey everybody n. if we don't you know i mean. How many times did you hear this. If you actually show up to a dinner party or something and you're just hire jury exhausted because you have a life to everybody else but you're so you're quiet. You're not speaking we'll carry. What's wrong with you what's wrong what's wrong it's because you you you're habitually on and then that one time you're not you know when you're not the crowd-pleaser it's exhausting and then we also this is one of the things adam lane. Smith helped me understand. He said you enter every conversation ever relationship.

bernard brown dave chapelle adam lane smith jason eric carey adam lane Smith
"bernard brown" Discussed on Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey

Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey

03:51 min | 11 months ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey

"You want to advocate for policies. That help more children have insurance. That fight few food insecurity. We can talk about that. Like i am totally willing to talk about the. I want to create a culture of life. I don't think that's always primarily through policy. But i think policy is certainly part of it. I think that we can create a culture of life voluntarily through our efforts in through our personal acts of love charity which thankfully still abound in the united states even if they don't make headlines but i'm totally willing to hear policy proposals and i think republicans should in general be willing to hear policy proposals. That make people's lives better that make it easier to bring life into the world without so much anxiety one hundred percent but it doesn't have to be either or like if your solution to these problems in our in in our country if your solution to these problems in your state is that you should kill more children before. They're able to take their first breath. That's not actually compassionate solution. Like you're the only one pro-choicers like rene brown are the only ones that are saying. It has to be either or like either we can protect life outside of the womb or protects life in the womb. I'm saying both aunt i'm saying. Bring me your bring me your solutions. All you've done here. Brennan brown is less problems. All you've done is say look. These are problems that are happening in texas. Okay so again. Your solution is just to make it easier to kill the babies in the womb. Why don't you give some policy solutions to try to fight against some of the problems that you're talking about about food insecurity and lack of insurance like let's hear your proposals then like if you really wanna fight what it seems like. You're fighting is for greater abortion access in not for the other problems that you've listed. I mean it's just so hypocritical it's just a reminder that the people that you think are smart that sound good. They actually don't critically think at all they're really they're really not very wise like she's someone who has sold a whole lot of books made a whole lot of money know pretending to be wise but actually i think that she fits the description. At least right now romans one pretending to be wise. They became fools pretending to be wise. Bernard brown has become a fool and words foolish and their calloused. And the wrong now. I'm sure she does have true compassion for women and vulnerable situations. But if that's the case go to your local pro life pregnancy center brown. They're doing good work. They're doing better work than yael. Writing on your notes app putting it on instagram and disabling all comments on it. Because you don't want to hear any you don't want to hear any pushback. Alright okay. i don't have time to talk about the intimate fighter. Maybe i'll do it. Maybe i'll do it tomorrow but actually tomorrow. I really wanted to just talk about the. I'm just kind of like over the news right now and all of the absurdity. That's going on and we haven't done. I mean we do. We try to take a break every week from the news. In do something about you know anxiety or do something about the topic or do something About like most misused. I but we haven't done just like strictly biblical nothing to do with politics or anything like that or nothing to do with anything. That's going on in the world in a while. It feels like we haven't done most misuse in a while. So if you want out then let me know. And we'll we'll do that. We'll do that tomorrow. Now if something crazy happens tonight. And i have to cover it tomorrow a well but my plan is to do a theology. Thursday tomorrow alright. Alright i will see you guys back here tomorrow. Have a great day.

rene brown Brennan brown Bernard brown united states texas yael
"bernard brown" Discussed on The PR Playbook Podcast

The PR Playbook Podcast

01:39 min | 1 year ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on The PR Playbook Podcast

"Look at the way i've done that for. A few clients repetitive start. You're like wow. They started off here and they've built themselves up now. You know being interviewed by bernard brown from like little industry podcast. So that's also a really great way to kind of figure out what you are. What your podcast journey is like. Yeah no that's a. That's a great. We do that. A lot of it's like competitive coverage right. You're looking at your competitor's to kinda see or people in people that are not competing okay maybe maybe you're like minded people that are doing the same thing or something similar or people you look up to. I think that's a great way to find a good podcast beyond featured on. So that's thank you. That's those are great tips. We'll play all of your contact information of course into the shown outside. Everybody looked at that. And then of course. We'll put your website in there as well. Thank you so much for your time today. This is wonderful in easy to digest. Hopefully people got some the tips. Nah absolutely and we also work with pr agencies. So if you don't want to dive into the world a podcast which is it is. It's like a whole different planet. It's social media right. it's like it. Is it totally is. We're happy to jump in. And just be the podcast arm operating silently back. Alright thank you so much brandy roll. We'll talk to you next time. Okay sounds good. Thank you so much..

bernard brown
"bernard brown" Discussed on The Manic Pixie Weirdo

The Manic Pixie Weirdo

07:21 min | 1 year ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on The Manic Pixie Weirdo

"Family members So i probably for for a long time had a very anxious attachment style. I by the time. I met parlaying. I was a therapist. I'd done it on of work. And i think it was really secure attachment but I know and i think that's the that's like. These kind of conversations are still important because we can't change what we don't know right and if you don't understand how this fear of not being connected impacts your behavior then you're not going to change your behavior. Another person who does a lot of rate work in this arena is bernard brown and her book Rape shoot. I can't remember that either As breeds something new world but not not right now. now. And i'll. I'll remember it as soon as i stopped trying to think of it. But it's It's all about this idea that i if i am afraid to be vulnerable. There's her work. Release centers on vulnerability. If i'm afraid to be vulnerable then. Nobody's i'm never going to allow anybody to get close to me. I'm never gonna let anybody see me. Until i can be surrounded by people and i think this is where robin williams really sat in that can be surrounded by people but none of them know me. Don't feel connected. Because i'm not opening myself up to them Whereas when you are able to be vulnerable and in i would say lean into the fear then you can be all alone and feel like you're surrounded by the way the energy the universe because you're connected to all right right and i don't. I'm so obviously you know we all wanna be in you know a loving healthy stable relationship especially when it comes romantic way we all want with. I think that's something that maybe not everybody but a lot of i certainly do D you what Like what was the work that used to sit. Could you talk a little bit about like the work. You had to do In getting over some of that fear And be in having those ten amazing years with that wonderful man like in your life. Because that would i mean for me just you know an outsider. Looking in kind of anything like that scares me for you. That would scare me. That turkey have panic that goes on many bandits because that's terrifying scary too. Because i would feel like i was signing myself up for a whole bunch of heartache that i would rather avoid and that's not healthy. Either know making them avoid in the way didn't attachment You know i. It always starts with self awareness. I tell every person who walks into my office that your job while you're working with me is to learn who you are and then nothing changes. None of your mental health challenges will change until you start really understand who you are and why you are the way you are. The work is the first half of the work is that it's saying. Oh i am afraid. i don't like being vulnerable. I am. I don't wanna get for. I'm waiting i And maybe a little too selfish for this. Or i don't know how to compromise or Know any number of of pieces that kinda describe who you are A lot of that naturally comes from our childhood at the end of the day. That's how we that's that environment people you grew up around. Whether it's your parents or sibling jerks ended family. Your coaches your teachers. Your best friends as children. They are the ones who stayed us into the people we become. I couldn't lump it right. Yeah that's just how it happens because when you're ten you don't have awareness you know. I talked to people all the time that i didn't know it was supposed to be different. You know things like my dad. You contemptuous vulgar things at my mom all the time. I didn't know i couldn't do that twice. i didn't know because that's what that's what he grew up with or the woman who says I know. I said i didn't take it. My mom took it year after year. You know. I didn't know that that was wasn't and it's not like you walk around. Going does your dad call you a mother in son of a gun you know. Yeah it's not like you do that so if that's how you think people are because we say we'll send elements in the movies in the movies so this is real life and then they grow up and get married and i bring real life into my life or my world or i just start dating and all of a sudden i call my girlfriend and an see and dumped me And i don't know what they buy. This literally happened in my office. And i'm like so you use those words. You don't know why she doesn't want to go out with you know what's wrong with that you know or the guy who you know drinks us expect every night. Well that's what my dad did. You know we learn so you have to understand. How did i learn these things. Where did i learn that. And then you have to make a decision about who i wanna be. When i was going through my divorce it was ugly. And i wanted to get a and it was painful and i. It took everything. And i started reading got very spiritual not religious. I got very spiritual. I searched for every and any reason that i could find. The universe would allow these challenges in my life and I decided that.

bernard brown robin williams
"bernard brown" Discussed on Become Your Own Best Friend Podcast

Become Your Own Best Friend Podcast

07:57 min | 1 year ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Become Your Own Best Friend Podcast

"So if we think about the gym off thinking about a diet and we think cam going to put in this full effort around it and we think that we need to put in not perfect effort to get the perfect result so for example the jim i used to see that all the time back in my personal training days when someone would join up they think if they didn't come five days a week then it wasn't going to work or if they didn't do these high intensity Sessions and just put in that perfect effort to make sure everything was perfect. Then they wouldn't get the perfect results. So if i don't go to the gym five days a week then there's no point going now intellectually. We understand that this isn't true but if you struggle with a perfectionist mindset and particularly the all or nothing mindset then you brain will try and convince you otherwise it comes back to if i just do things perfectly i can achieve the perfect result and that will make me good enough so it comes down to what your brain has decided in your early years about experiences. Happening you connecting that with not feeling good enough and you k. In order for me to never feel this way again. I just need to make sure i'm always doing things perfectly. And so that's why it's not about trying to be this this perfect person and making sure everything's perfect really what's happening is you're trying to avoid shame. And that's what the shame researcher. Dr bernard brown. This is what she says so incredibly in helping that undestanding awareness of perfectionist and not perfect people. They're just trying to avoid shame. And this is where that all nothing mindset really Plays havoc guy guests on this. And if you're trying to achieve things in your life this could be something that's affecting you and then you know you're beating yourself up or vote not being able to do things perfectly or giving up on them. When if you understand what's going on in the might set behind it then of course you can work through that. Let's talk about so will say like putting in that messy it now. We know that that's still going to get you some results rather than abandoning the habit altogether. So let's say. I joined the gym and maybe one week ago twice a week the next week ago once a week the following week i can get there four times a week and then the following weeks true whatever it might be right. So let's say that that's kind of you know a messy like it's been all over the place so it's not that perfect effort being put in. Now i'm still going to get some results rather than like gosh i get. I've got such a busy week on. I can't get there four days a week. I just want to go at all or it's a matter of monday. Comes filling murder baited. So then you're white tomorrow and then of course we know what happens tomorrow and so intellectually. We're understanding but the problem is is that shame can often get the better of it so again with that jim effort. Where with saying to us telling us that going to the gym. Say five days a week. Is that perfect amount. And when you first join the motivation the inspiration to go five days a week and nothing gets in your way at that time but then as the weeks go on life happens and we can maybe get there three times a week. Which as before that kind of messy effort is still gonna get us some results and instead of continuing with whatever we can make work for ourselves we would tell ourselves the story that what we're doing is inadequate and therefore you will confirm belief. See told you you wouldn't stick to it so rather than messy it and whatever you can manage you abandoned altogether so you don't have the reminder of the shame of not being able to stick to it perfectly. Does that sound familiar. So it's not like it's you that abandoned habits it's your brain just trying to protect you because it wants to hide that. Shame from you so you don't feel that feeling now. I want you to bring to mind one era of your life where you currently have an old nothing mindset. What t- tend to do when you feel motivated to improve the era of your life. And how long does it take few before you fall off the wagon. And what does that look like when you do so for me. That's certainly the examples have been giving throughout. The episode is feeling that named with an exercise. Routine that i need to do it perfectly and i need to make sure i if i set all these days to gory that i needed to do it now. I've i've certainly changed my ways and the years have gone on now specifically. I work in around my cycle which i've talked about in a previous episode. Is how to working alignment. had excise. An eight in alignment with your cycle. So i'm definitely not hard on myself about having like my exercise and movement having to look a certain way every single week. I'm very flexible. Now with my routine which i absolutely love because it does really good for me rather than putting all this pressure on myself to have to do things a certain way and you know you have to do a program. That is not in alignment with what i do So made that used to only take a couple of weeks or months. Before i would fall off that wagon because yeah why would get in the way i wouldn't be able to get to all the sessions that i wanted to get to and slowly. I would just drop off. Because i felt like i wasn't doing it good enough so it's like okay. It's better to not do it at all and when we look at consistency. Because that's a big against concept that comes out when we look at this all or nothing mindset and that consistency. I want you to define your own definition or come up with your own definition of consistency because it doesn't have to be what other people's beliefs are so if it's the gym and what you think you might need to do in order to achieve your results in your perfect results i want you know what that gore the let it be or k. That you putting in some messy f it and you're just going to keep going keep going with that messy effort because that's going to get you some results rather than abandoning your habit. Altogether and redefining. What is what you think. Consistency is.

Dr bernard brown jim gore
"bernard brown" Discussed on BiggerPockets Real Estate Podcast

BiggerPockets Real Estate Podcast

04:51 min | 1 year ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on BiggerPockets Real Estate Podcast

"It's forty five to identify one hundred eighty close and that's not like collines or business days. Yeah brand has got a good story. He's got some ten thirty one sweat that he can share with with with us someday. Hit a really good story there. But if you're thinking about copying this strategy don't make the mistake could you just get the money on a regular sale and then go then thirty one because it won't be before you want to utilize ten thirty one. You really do before the sale of the property you want to go find the custodian or a company that does this and let them handle all the paperwork. The money actually does have to go from closing to them they. It doesn't ever actually go to your account or in your hands. It goes to what they call a custodian and they sit on it. Until you're you're ready to purchase your next property in my case it was too awesome girl. Yeah it's also shows like the the monopoly strategy of houses. The hotel not hotels. You traded up from one house to do of them. Made more money i bought. I tend from my twenty four unit into another twenty four unit and then mobile home park though went from twenty four units to seventy five units. Like that and yeah. You can just do that kind of thing throughout your life. I mean until they do away with ten thirty one. Thirty one goes away. Every licensed to every election cycle comes back and they start talking about getting rid of it and then never actually do get rid of it. 'cause half of congressmens real estate and they like it but we'll see we'll see all right. Well that's that was a good deal deep dive and now it's time to conclude today show with our famous for all right the famous four. This is part of the same four questions. Every week to every guest in sub. Sure you've heard them many times before but now it's your turn and with that. Amanda let's get into the famous four question number. One favorite real estate related book has to be rich. Dad poor dad hands down completely changed my life. I highly recommend that to anyone who is is getting started. Or if they've just never read it they really really do need to sit down and read it awesome. What is your favorite business book. So my favorite business book Actually i chose one that. Is i feel a prerequisite to business. And it's called a daring greatly by dr bernard brown. And i know you have the quote behind you. You're the person to ever notice that..

Amanda dr bernard brown
"bernard brown" Discussed on Optimal Living Daily

Optimal Living Daily

06:43 min | 1 year ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Optimal Living Daily

"If i could bottle up one gift for you on self compassion by krista o'reilly davey of life in progress dot ca the best way to ditch self-doubt and walk in confidence. Is the practice self compassion. Self compassion is fundamental to living with purpose health and joy and for sustainable in meaningful growth. Self compassion is also a key tool and learning to quiet. The noise of comparison perfectionism in fear. Let me tell you how. According to kristin neff associate professor in the university of texas at austin department of educational psychology and creator of the self compassion scales widely used in research. Self compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding when facing suffering self kindness seeing ones failures as part of the human condition than feeling isolated common humanity and having a balanced awareness of painful thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness sounds amazing. Right self compassionate self esteem are not the same thing when compared in research self compassion predicted more stable feelings of self worth then self esteem and was less attached to specific outcomes. This is what i mean. When i say i hold things loosely or say open up to joyful possibility self compassion was also linked to less social comparison public self consciousness. Self rumination in anger talk about freedom. We can absolutely be compassionate toward others even when lacking in self compassion. The research bears this out. However i am convinced that to show up fully to life including choosing to receive the fullness of gifts and beauty that life has to offer including the opportunities to stretch and grow and thrive even in the midst of challenges. Self compassion is a must self compassion leads to less self judgment in lower depressive symptoms increases resilience and a sense of capacity and because as a direct and immediate positive on our psycho physiological experience of stress alpha emily's activity heart rate variability and interleukin six response and also leads to improve health behaviors and overall physical health reduction in perceived stress means that people respond to their personal failures struggles in difficult circumstances with kind forgiving attitude. I suspect is also tied to a more hopeful attitude because self compassion also makes way for a growth mindset carol dewick as college professor at stanford university teaches about growth mindset which is tied to neuro plasticity in the understanding that abilities and intelligence can be developed having a growth mindset boost resilience positive emotions and a person's capacity bounce back quickly from struggle failure or loss self compassion and a growth mindset are required for us to become the fullest healthiest versions of ourselves self-improvement. I prefer becoming requires a realistic assessment of who and how we are of both our strengths and limitations. We must get honest about who we are where we are are stories and struggles and our gifting to i. We need to see until the truth about who we are. Then we can take positive action to move closer to who and how we choose to be yet another benefit of practicing self compassion and of a growth mindset is that it helps us live with courage. We become less afraid of failure. We know that failure is normal. Were able to work toward meaningful goals without attaching our worthiness to the outcome. We are less worried about judgment from self or others and his opens the way for us to try experiment. Risk be honest. Do hard things. And so on bernard brown professor at the university of houston and researcher. On the topics of courage vulnerability shame speak to the ordinary courage. A speaking from our hearts and living wholeheartedly. She teaches at courage as a requirement for a living. Our best lives because to do so requires greed wilner ability and even risk. We will get hurt. We will face rejection or challenges and without self compassion. We are unlikely to choose this path. Self compassion also allows us to see differently. It helps us see ourselves as messy and complex rather than broken or in progress as opposed to bad or a failure. It makes room for joyful possibility and all or something instead of an all or nothing perspective. Self compassion is essential for learning to embrace our imperfection or common humanity. Even having a sense of humor about it for making peace with a messiness of life and picking up joy anyway why does walking and self compassion matter to you number. One research demonstrated slightly lower self compassionate and women compared to men but women reported higher compassion for others compared to men rate your level of self compassion from one to ten and take note of your response check in periodically in note any shifts number. Two what are your immediate feelings and thoughts that surface when reading about this topic notice any sensations in your body right down the thoughts. You're having notice if you're feeling resistance or openness to the idea of offering yourself the gift of self compassion number three pull out a notebook and pen or head out for me entering walk as he spend time reflection. Consider examples from your life where you are not being kind to yourself for kind as he like. Think about how life would feel differently if you committed to living with self compassion number four. Why you think learning and practicing self compassion and self kindness matters to you. What are your motivations for growing healing or becoming in this area number five. Consider the roots of your current patterns of thought and behavior was self compassion model to you. What stories you grow believing about yourself key. Think of an event or life experience. They made you believe that treating yourself kindly was wrong or selfish number six. Do you have role models in life. Which draws you to them. List out the characteristics about them you admire and or want to grow in yourself to think about how living from a place of self compassion might help you move closer to the vision of who and how you want to be number seven if there's one area of your life that you most want to change name it and write it down to acknowledge it. Then as we move through the month consider how to apply the information. We're learning to that specific issue or area of your life. May this be a year of gentle growth letting go of what no longer serves in deepening. Your roots of self awareness and self compassion.

professor associate professor kristin neff bernard brown carol dewick university of texas austin department of education stanford university
If I Could Bottle Up One Gift For You: On Self-Compassion by Krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui

Optimal Living Daily

06:43 min | 1 year ago

If I Could Bottle Up One Gift For You: On Self-Compassion by Krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui

"If i could bottle up one gift for you on self compassion by krista o'reilly davey of life in progress dot ca the best way to ditch self-doubt and walk in confidence. Is the practice self compassion. Self compassion is fundamental to living with purpose health and joy and for sustainable in meaningful growth. Self compassion is also a key tool and learning to quiet. The noise of comparison perfectionism in fear. Let me tell you how. According to kristin neff associate professor in the university of texas at austin department of educational psychology and creator of the self compassion scales widely used in research. Self compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding when facing suffering self kindness seeing ones failures as part of the human condition than feeling isolated common humanity and having a balanced awareness of painful thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness sounds amazing. Right self compassionate self esteem are not the same thing when compared in research self compassion predicted more stable feelings of self worth then self esteem and was less attached to specific outcomes. This is what i mean. When i say i hold things loosely or say open up to joyful possibility self compassion was also linked to less social comparison public self consciousness. Self rumination in anger talk about freedom. We can absolutely be compassionate toward others even when lacking in self compassion. The research bears this out. However i am convinced that to show up fully to life including choosing to receive the fullness of gifts and beauty that life has to offer including the opportunities to stretch and grow and thrive even in the midst of challenges. Self compassion is a must self compassion leads to less self judgment in lower depressive symptoms increases resilience and a sense of capacity and because as a direct and immediate positive on our psycho physiological experience of stress alpha emily's activity heart rate variability and interleukin six response and also leads to improve health behaviors and overall physical health reduction in perceived stress means that people respond to their personal failures struggles in difficult circumstances with kind forgiving attitude. I suspect is also tied to a more hopeful attitude because self compassion also makes way for a growth mindset carol dewick as college professor at stanford university teaches about growth mindset which is tied to neuro plasticity in the understanding that abilities and intelligence can be developed having a growth mindset boost resilience positive emotions and a person's capacity bounce back quickly from struggle failure or loss self compassion and a growth mindset are required for us to become the fullest healthiest versions of ourselves self-improvement. I prefer becoming requires a realistic assessment of who and how we are of both our strengths and limitations. We must get honest about who we are where we are are stories and struggles and our gifting to i. We need to see until the truth about who we are. Then we can take positive action to move closer to who and how we choose to be yet another benefit of practicing self compassion and of a growth mindset is that it helps us live with courage. We become less afraid of failure. We know that failure is normal. Were able to work toward meaningful goals without attaching our worthiness to the outcome. We are less worried about judgment from self or others and his opens the way for us to try experiment. Risk be honest. Do hard things. And so on bernard brown professor at the university of houston and researcher. On the topics of courage vulnerability shame speak to the ordinary courage. A speaking from our hearts and living wholeheartedly. She teaches at courage as a requirement for a living. Our best lives because to do so requires greed wilner ability and even risk. We will get hurt. We will face rejection or challenges and without self compassion. We are unlikely to choose this path. Self compassion also allows us to see differently. It helps us see ourselves as messy and complex rather than broken or in progress as opposed to bad or a failure. It makes room for joyful possibility and all or something instead of an all or nothing perspective. Self compassion is essential for learning to embrace our imperfection or common humanity. Even having a sense of humor about it for making peace with a messiness of life and picking up joy anyway why does walking and self compassion matter to you number. One research demonstrated slightly lower self compassionate and women compared to men but women reported higher compassion for others compared to men rate your level of self compassion from one to ten and take note of your response check in periodically in note any shifts number. Two what are your immediate feelings and thoughts that surface when reading about this topic notice any sensations in your body right down the thoughts. You're having notice if you're feeling resistance or openness to the idea of offering yourself the gift of self compassion number three pull out a notebook and pen or head out for me entering walk as he spend time reflection. Consider examples from your life where you are not being kind to yourself for kind as he like. Think about how life would feel differently if you committed to living with self compassion number four. Why you think learning and practicing self compassion and self kindness matters to you. What are your motivations for growing healing or becoming in this area number five. Consider the roots of your current patterns of thought and behavior was self compassion model to you. What stories you grow believing about yourself key. Think of an event or life experience. They made you believe that treating yourself kindly was wrong or selfish number six. Do you have role models in life. Which draws you to them. List out the characteristics about them you admire and or want to grow in yourself to think about how living from a place of self compassion might help you move closer to the vision of who and how you want to be number seven if there's one area of your life that you most want to change name it and write it down to acknowledge it. Then as we move through the month consider how to apply the information. We're learning to that specific issue or area of your life. May this be a year of gentle growth letting go of what no longer serves in deepening. Your roots of self awareness and self compassion.

Krista O Reilly Davey Kristin Neff Austin Department Of Education Alpha Emily Carol Dewick Bernard Brown University Of Texas Wilner Stanford University University Of Houston CA
Bren Brown On The Power of Vulnerability

Oprah's SuperSoul Conversations

04:45 min | 2 years ago

Bren Brown On The Power of Vulnerability

"Renee. I know that you have been Y'all eleven count countdown the days till Brunei. Literally on twitter all my twitter rotties here. Twitter by by quit, April. Rene Vulnerability A has. Ability She's really Dr Bernard Brown but we get to call her Brunette because we're that friendly. She is a professor at the University of Houston Grad School and has spent the past decade studying vulnerability studying courage studying worthiness and shame, and she's also the author of daring greatly. Now. Talked about the book as much as we hear to talk about you all now I know a lot of you saw our two thousand ten Ted talk on the power. Vulnerability. You're among the ten million views and counting for that Ted talk, and she has over two hundred thousand devoted followers on facebook and twitter not bad for a girl from ticks. People have been telling me tweeting me you gotta meet Brown and we finally met a few months ago and we just click we're sisters. We're lost sisters and she introduced us to the notion of daring greatly and I was like yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Could not agree more life is about showing up you say and being seen and daring greatly is the guide for tonight's class teaching us how to bring in everything we've been craving. More. Of everything in our is more joy more trust more intimacy, more empathy, more innovation and creativity. So tell everybody what daring greatly means. Okay. So we asked the life class community to fill in the blanks for US vulnerability. What does vulnerability feel like? Can we see this answer? I grew up thinking vulnerability So vulnerability feels like. Being, helpless. Embarrassed being a small child a lump in your throat emptiness allowing people to judge you letting go the life preserver your first kiss your first kiss everybody remembers that. and. So one of the things I think I've learned the most that was so powerful for me is learning for the first time in my life at forty seven that it is possible to be. Afraid and courageous and the exact same moment bow like i. always grew up believing you're either brave or you're afraid you're either courageous are you were fearful and I think the truth is that most of us are brave and afraid every minute of the day at the exact same time. and to me, that's what daring greatly is. And the truth was that. Up until the Ted Talk I had engineer my career to be very small. Because everyone's sitting in here. Everyone watching. Has something can think of about themselves that would be so hurtful to hear someone else say about you. That, you'd risk anything you do anything to not make that happen like I would never want to hear someone say this about me, and so for me I had that list and in order never to hear those things, I kept my career really small. Then Ted happens and it gets out from underneath me. Then, you get ten million. I love it when she uses that voice. Say. It gives me goosebumps. It just comes over me I can't I know. It's awesome. So. There's like a week where I am everywhere in every magazine and every. News article. And, my husband and my therapist are like do not read the comments online. So I read all the. How many of you can resist show of hands? How many of you think you could resist I have learned to resist? He learns rivals twitter thugs. stugz. Fixing to set them straight. into. Two. Okay. So I read all the comments and on this one day I heard everything. I heard everything that I was afraid to hear my whole life that kept me small. I heard of course, embraces imperfection. What choice would you have if you look like her? She should wait and talk about worthiness when she loses fifteen pounds

Dr Bernard Brown Twitter TED Professor University Of Houston Grad Sch Brunei Renee. United States Facebook Engineer
Stephanie Fleming on organization, life hacks, and how she built 'The Happy Planner' and 'Me & My Big Ideas'

The Here for Her Podcast

51:55 min | 2 years ago

Stephanie Fleming on organization, life hacks, and how she built 'The Happy Planner' and 'Me & My Big Ideas'

"Are so excited to. To introduce incredible Stephanie Fleming. She is a creative entrepreneurs speaker of and wellness seeker. Most notably, she is the CO founder of me and my big ideas creator of the happy planner, and what began twenty years ago as a tiny garage business is now an industry leading lifestyle brand and offers a wide variety of products that inspire customers to live creatively and plan a happy life. Please welcome Stephanie to the show. Okay, we'll Stephanie. We are so excited to have you on the here for her podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. And we are so curious about everything that you've created and your and so I think. Our audience is going to be very very interested in the business aspect of. Everything that we're about to talk about some super excited cool. I'm so excited to be talking to you. Guys for those who don't know. Tell us a little bit about your health. I'm Stephanie. Fleming and I'm a creative entrepreneur. I actually call myself like an accidental entrepreneur. I started my business me and my big ideas with my mom twenty actually over twenty years ago started in my garage with an idea of just one idea for making stickers for the scrapbooking industry at that time and. And really just kind of wanted to do it too. I needed a creative outlet. Yes, but I needed to pay the bills like I. was you know a young mom and struggling to make ends meet, and just really wanting to like. Go out there and I would do anything because I you know I wanted a better life for myself, and for my kids and and so I was definitely you're. You're? The definition of a hustler like I was like I have no money, but I will put in the sweat equity so. We been hustling with me and my big ideas for. Over twenty years now, and we've created everything from paper stickers and now planner, so planners is our latest the happy planners, our latest product line and It's just been such a a wonderful thing for us to get into because we get to share a love for creativity for positively, and that's been kind of where I have fallen in the last probably five or six years which. Not only being an entrepreneur in a business person, but also being able to be the spokesperson for our product and our brand, and that's something that I've been totally passionate about. It's amazing. I'm curious. So, what did you do before you started your business? Were you a stay at home? Mom? Did you have have a job, so I was? I was pregnant when I was eighteen. Not Married had had a baby, and when immediately from high school to I need to find some way to take care of my son and I did in home daycare for eight years, and was daycare provider for six kids usually at one time and it was you know it's honest work? It's hard work. It's eleven hour days for you know for eight years and you know all I to do is be a good mom, and and so I didn't have a college education. I grew up in the craft industry though my. My parents had a manufacturing and distributing business so I grew up from picking orders in the warehouse. To you know watching my parents who are entrepreneurs basically navigate the craft industry and come along with them to trade shows and things like that so I always had that creative bug, and and even as an entrepreneur as a kid I was making little catalog, so you can buy these cards here, my designs and so, but then life hits, and then you have to go out, and you know and do the best you can and and so at the time. In one, thousand, nine, hundred eight. My mom and my mom had sold that business, she and my stepdad divorced and they sold their business, and so she was kind of at this place in her life where she was like okay. I'm ready to start over, I need. She was probably my age now, and it was like thinking I need to start over and figure out what life looks like for me. Now and I was saying I just I want to start something something I want to do anything and so my mom had some seed money and. Like I said I would do. You know so. I stayed up all night trying to find just hustling to find hair. Competitors are advertising in this trade magazine. So that's a potential a mailing list for so anything possible. I was willing to do so. Yeah so it was not like I had this pedigree of an MBA, and I'm going. Go start a business, and that's why I say I'm definitely. An accidental entrepreneur, but I've I've loved it. We'll story. It is very very cool. It seems like you had it in your blood like raped in the beginning. Though like it was something that you're meant to do. I, think so. I think without knowing that that's what it was like. I was just cleaning out. One of the things we've done in quarantine is cleaning out our garage and so all my memorabilia. That's where I found my card. Catalogue of here are the things you combine I'm like I always was. Experiencing entrepreneurship right in front of my is growing up but I never really knew it. In fact, my mom was in charge of all of the creative side of the business, and was the one in charge of new products, and out there trying to find out what creative women were doing next, and so when my mom would go on an rnd shopping trip and take all of us with her. We didn't realize what we were doing was watching her shopping trends and seeing what was out in fashion, and how we can bring that into the craft and creative industries, so when it just seemed like something natural, and now I'm trying to identify people go. Where do you find your trend Mic-? Just Watch I. Just look and so yeah. We were Kinda groomed without knowing that that's what was happening. So cool and so. You had your first business you? You began doing that twenty years ago. And then you landed to the happy planner, which has been a huge success and It's a it's a beautiful book. It's something that you want to. Hold in your hand, and just like carry with you all the time. It's so cute and fashionable. Where did that idea come from? And how? How did you of get to that point? Where like I want to be in this market of making planners? Happy like honestly we've had a lot of great products that of sold weller mckellen's pretty cool, but the happy planner is like it's so me. It's totally me so the the way we came up with. It was pretty much the same process that we did it with anything. As we and my sister is heavily involved in product about men in our company as well, but we watch in decide okay. scrapbooking was huge for a while, and so we were able to kind of ride that. That wave and we've kept coming out with products and line extensions and and then you kind of see that it was kind of starting to taper off. It was not as popular and the products weren't as weren't selling and going doing the having the sell through that they did before, so we're like okay. We need to know what creative women are doing next. which is what my mom did, so we would always be looking for what. What what do i WanNa do what is something that's interesting for me. and and then also kind of searching pinterest looking around water, creative women doing so for some reason on pinterest people were taking just regular planners from staples, or whatever and they were putting our scrapbooking products, stickers and things and making them cute but the scrapbooking don't really fit like they don't fit size-wise. They didn't fit if you're you know the stickers we were. Were to commemorate memories and things, and that's not necessarily the things that you need for planning so I kind of just you know, and they were boring to staples like office supply things. They have black brown different color bays. You know really great. You know what I think. Someone would would think the businessmen would like. And then there was like three designs that were like purple. Paisley or some ugly grandma color. You know I'm a woman, I. I don't want that, so we thought definitely we could do better in design. We could get them more affordable. We could create accessories that would go specifically for them, and then you could put in those accessories like things that are positive so that every single day when you're planning when you're having fun putting stickers out ever, there's this creative positive message that makes you happy that keeps you going, and so it was just a kind of another. Offshoot into what we normally do. What are creative women doing? And at this point? It was like people are busy, and they want to be creative, but they need that little bit of licensed to say it's okay when you're planning your schedule. You can kind of put a sticker downer. Says you can do it or just. Those little positive affirmations make a make a big difference. I love that so much were all about positive affirmations and There's something that I still love about having a planner in front of me like an organizational planner. Where where I. Can you know touch the pages and I can mark things off. It's so different than a calendar on Google you know and I've always I've i. still have a planner, so I love that, but I'm curious because you have built such a successful brand and obviously. You've separated yourself in so many ways by having something very unique You offer as something that's very I would say year to the millennial woman. But how how have you separated yourself with your branding? I'm just so curious about like where your sales come from utilizing social media, you have a huge social media following. So, how what kind of what was your? What was the method to your madness at that point when you started thinking ahead? Yeah, so at that point. We had we had a very successful company in the craft industry and up? Until that point, we had what I figured successful products. We didn't really have necessarily like brand. Following social media was just coming up, but you know there was something about the happy, and I think my own personal passion for the product helped in planning it. No Pun intended. because. I feel like we got to this place or like this product line. I just feel like we need to be able to have a brand. There's gotta be a message behind because the message of the product is so powerful and so really. What happened I mean there wasn't? A Master Plan I love this product so much. That I just started talking about it and sharing on social media back in the periscope days. You remember, periscope yeah. Remember. About it and I just said you know what I would anytime we would come up with something, or we had something new exciting happening in office. I'd like I'm just GONNA share. It's just going to be I wanted to our product and the brand to feel like like we were just friends sharing like. If I was you know to call you up and say Oh, my Gosh I'm so excited. We just got this prototype in, and here's what it looks like. Here's how I'm going to use it and every. Every new products came in. We previewed it on periscope did live Q. and A. is, and and that's before people really doing that and we were sharing the process and the product, and sharing my excitement, geeking out over stickers and a paper planner you know, so. It became I thought there was really no plan other than to share authentically, and that was really before, but you know everything authenticity be authentic was just such a overused catchphrase, but that's what it was because I didn't actually want to be the spokesperson. For our company, and because it's such a team effort, and so I'm not. I'm not maybe maybe I wouldn't had the idea for. Let's let's look into to paper planners, but I didn't create designs, and I not the artist, and I'm not the one who source the product and sold it in such a team so but. In order I felt so passionately that. Don't have relationships with companies. They don't have relationships with products, but they have relationships with people and brands, and if I could be that conduit. To Give A. Personality to our land our company then. I'm like all right. I'm willing to do because I was the one before it was like no, I don't really want to know I'm just I'm fine to not do it, but when I was sharing something, I was so passionate about the following just came. We did not say hey. We want to get to I. Think we're over six hundred thousand on instagram. We didn't have a plan for that. I mean eventually to grow. It takes you get to a certain point. It's like okay now. You have to plan, but we grew our numbers very very organically, and by just engaging with them. You know true engagement and it's. It's not even just the number in the plan, but it's like. Are you engaged? Do you care about your followers? Do you care about your customers and deal you know? Are you engaging that way? Are you doing it for the rise near following? Are you doing it for the sale? Are you doing? Are you doing it because this? Just feel so right to you know. Yeah while you're on that topic, too. Because so cool that you grew organically because. I mean it's such an easily marketable product, but also like how how do you stand out amongst your competitors are? There's other planner companies out there. So what's your differentiating factor with your product? So at the beginning? We were the only ones pretty much doing what we did, so we stood out really quick, and it's almost like I. Always say like it was like. Like when I had my first when I said WHO's very well behaved typical. I am such a good mom. And then my daughter came a second, and she is like great, but she's you know totally like wild spirit and I'm like oh my gosh. I need to to work at this little more. So when we did when all of a sudden you're like It's growing and you're thinking. Oh, my gosh is great. People are just listening, and then all of a sudden when you're onto something, people and other brands and other companies go. They're onto something I. Think I'm going to try that, too. And then what you were doing so authentically is being duplicated right so. So what we have always done I think and even back in the scrapbooking and paper. Crafting days was just advice. My mom gave me is just really don't worry too much about what other people are doing. Find out what you uniquely do. What is it that your company or your brand do what do you? How do you stand out and for US There's a lot of people who have high end stationary and people. People that are saying a professional and I want it to look like this or I. Don't like this about your as well. This is who we are. We are colorful and fun and were affordable. We have a disc bound system where you can change things in and out, and those are some things honestly and with the brand that will turn people off when you really claim like who you are. Some people are going to say. Well, I. Don't know but I. don't like that well, but this is who we are when you can really find that those are the things that just kind of narrowed down, and you nail it down so much that these are the things that make us unique, and so for us. We embraced all of that. That is who we are fun and colorful, positive and an interchangeable, and all these things about the product and about our messaging. That's what we focused on, and I think even especially going forward when it becomes harder and you. Maybe at this point, we're going like you see a slowing in not just gaining followers as fast when you get up high. And there's more people in the space so for us it's how can we find? What, we, what is it that we offer? That's unique whether it's the message product. And, you kind of have those pillars of our being authentic. Is it something that's different or are we just white noise in the space? Should we be making a change? We be pivoting. Right now do. Is there something we need to be doing to be more aware of the surroundings of the economy of this of society so You're constantly looking for you have to just be aware. Of who you are where you're going and not being paying too much attention to. The competitors and the people aside. It's really hard though it's hard to do because you find yourself looking. They're doing so good over there. Maybe I should change and go that way so knowing who you are is a huge part of that success for us. And, I love how you really made an emphasis on. Being okay with not being a good fit for everyone, and you know we talk about this even on social media. How you know people always give us questions on. You know my Gosh I I lost if I don't post for three days. I'll lose one hundred followers well if those people want on, follow you because you haven't posted three days. They're not your people. Like they were never people anyway, so I love that you have you have a focus and you understand your branch so well. The you know who you're catering to, and also you mentioned pivoting when you need to because. You know I think that people get so focused on the end goal, and if it's not if it doesn't turn out exactly how they anticipated that it would be, they give up right, so I think that's I. Love that so much and it kind of brings me to my next question on. The hardships entrepreneurship because I think that when people look from the outside, they see this beautiful brand that you've built a successful mom who's who's doing it all, but it takes so much work and behind the scenes that the people don't see. Can you walk us through some of those hardships that you faced in how you've kind of gotten through them? Oh yeah and I think. I'm so glad you brought that up because you especially on social media, people will see their, so they'll say. Where were you because I'm pretty active on my own, and then also I with the happy planner, but it like where were you? We Miss John there. I'm like you guys like if I would have shown. What I was doing for the past seven days, it was get up in the morning. Go to work. Stay there till seven o'clock have like meetings altay come home barely figure how I'm going to get the door dash before I wanna fall asleep, and then you know over it over and over again and I'm like it's not glamorous. It's hard There's a lot that goes into it. You know and you have to love it if you are somebody who has your own business or your own brand? You have to love it because it is not I mean I would say. Ninety, eight percent of it's not glamorous, but it's rewarding. You know it's something that you love, but you're GONNA have failures. You can't be afraid to work hard and fail. Because, you're GONNA. Do both of those all the time? And you know and learning from your from your failures for me. It's like you know we've had products that the ones that you've mentioned like happy planner that quadrupled the size of our business in the matter of two years But in the in between, and we had already had like a pretty successful company, and we were like well, but what you don't see, are all of the things where you come out with the product and you're like that's a dog. You Know Kate next. What do we? Can we learn from that? You know that's what you can't. You can't shy away from it, but nobody wants to see that nobody, but those are the lessons. Are you know what you're seeing? When when you see the happy planner is our success of you know Gosh over twenty we did that. It was fifteen years. I think into the our business before we hit that like Grand Slam, we'd had several. You know that was. This product was a triple. This one was a strikeout. This one was a base hit. And then you know, we never know we not. Even we're not even. Promise that we were going to have that big of a success that we just kept going and every time we did we learned something like Oh we didn't do. The packaging wasn't right or you know. Maybe we rent to too early into that trend, or maybe we didn't research it enough or maybe we learned something every time but I mean we've had. We've had product failures. We've had really difficult times in the economy I've been around here through September eleventh through the two thousand eight crash where the business was doing great, and then all of a sudden we've had were having to like have layoffs and figure out how to make the hard decisions. To keep your business healthy and around and surviving, and that's really hard. I mean that's something that right now we're going through. You know we have. Luckily we've got a great basin. We've had a very successful business, but this is a gut punch, and for a healthy business like ours. This has been really difficult and I can only imagine if you're struggling before this, but you just have to figure out you. It's almost like a business as almost like being a parent. You've got to make those tough decisions. Decisions you know that not everyone's going to understand. That's going to be hard. It's going to keep you up at night. and those those you don't see those on social media. No one's sharing like we had to really hard today and or have been meetings all day, and if they are, they're showing you the picture of themselves looking really cute, and you know here I am with my thing and it's. It's just not always like that victims hardly ever like that, so I think it's sometimes i. I've shared lots more real version especially on my own personal social media on instagram. Especially because I, think we do a disservice to. Everybody but to women's in general specifically where it's like if you're trying to be an inspiration and trying to share with other women, this is what if I can, we can all be here for each other. You, know in business, and this is how we can succeed. We are doing a disservice if we are just showing what our lives really never looked like And how how then do those? How'd you push through? How do you push through at the worst times for people that are listening that are entrepreneurs have launched their business or not seeing success right away. Like what have you learned to cut has kept you going. I think i. mean this sounds like something that my husband would go. No, if you can't measure it, you can't manage it because he's. My husband was our CFO CEO and. But for me, I, it's so much into an instinct. And then pushed through because I believe in my instinct very strongly. There's a thing like I feel like you know for us. We were very fortunate that the business that we started stayed healthy, and was viable forever, however I. Kind of look at our product launches in our product releases and different product types almost like many businesses, because there comes a time when you know this isn't working, you know there comes a time when you're like. We just need to let this keep going. We need to work at market. We need and you just you kind of. If you're really being honest with yourself, you know when it's like am I pushing too hard for something. That's not really making. Any headway or do I just need to keep working harder and I feel like You know if we ask ourselves how we done everything. HAVE WE EXHAUSTED EVERY OPTION? That's what I think. We need to kind of listeners, though because I just feel like if you are sitting here like. With a struggling business, let's say whether it's from the economy or just like I'm just not going anywhere It's hard because some people will say just keep going. Just keep going all the time. I don't think you should do that all the time. Sometimes you want maybe need to move onto. Something different doesn't mean you're not going to be. In business or start your own company, or but maybe this, isn't it? Maybe it is? Maybe you're just sitting there going. You know what this is going to be tough times, but I believe in this business i. know we have and we're going to keep going, so you kind of have to listen to that. You know you're got to say. Where are you? Are you? You know? Do I need to keep pushing through this, or is there something else that I need to be? Doing are exploring. It's such a weird time to because with everything going on I. Mean People are obviously doing less news less really to plan but I think there's still an opportunity and it's great that the product isn't just a manner planning out your daily activities that can also be used for intentional set goal setting in just writing down thoughts that you have journaling so I love that it's it's I town that regard Have you guys thought of ways to during this tough time? Kind of still sell your product in different ways or maybe thinking about different product lunches. Were you know what kind of has been brewing in the last few weeks, so it's like a perfect example of. Of evolving and pivoting right so like. Yes, when you're when we're looking at people that are planning your days just filled. My days were just like I couldn't even have the whole damn thinking. How tiny can I right because there's so much going on, but you know one of the other things we have in our product, minus positively journaling and guided journals, and then when you you know for us, it would be so tone deaf to be talking. Talking about we know you're busy. Let's just talk about busy busy busy schedule Hustle. Let's go because this is not the time for that, so we had to look at. What do we have in? You know in our offering. And what do we have What do we think is important or is there something else we can offer so for us? you know slowing down journaling 'cause for me. It's all about putting the pen to paper. I Love I love my. Technology and I. On my computer as well, but there's something to me about writing stuff down whether it's my schedule and prioritizing key efficient or whether it's like you know just journaling what I'm grateful for writing that down I did a whole like wellness like year in two thousand eighteen, where every single day for the entire year I journal. Like what am I feeling I thought it was going to be like more. Of a fitness thinks I like. My cholesterol is high, and I needed to lose weight, and I was going to do all these things I'm going to travel the stuff and what it became was. Oh my gosh, I'm realizing that I'm tagging my emotions now like when I would write things down the journaling became the biggest part for me is what I was feeling like I was really I felt very marginalized that meeting today, and I came home, and I think like I was going into hibernation. You know and I was angry and I was, but I was identifying my feelings. Why was I instead of just going like writing down my food log? You know it's like it wasn't helpful for me. I. Know How to eat healthy. But to realize that when I feel angry, I don't know what to do with those feelings and to eat them you know, or and I'm like an eye stuff them and I. Try and do anything in Canton. and that was like a realization for me, so we're kind of leaning into that and saying hey, right now when you're stressed or you're afraid or whatever it is that you're going through. What can you lean into? And how can you get in touch with your feelings whether it's do journaling or if you really do maybe you're a mom who is trying to work fulltime at home and also. Also home school your kids to the distance learning the. Maybe you need to be really efficient, so you need to you know. What is it that you need and listening to that? Do you need to be productive? Do you need to be kind of moving a little more inward, and then just writing it down and really getting out of your head and onto paper, so you can help process it. Yeah I need to start journaling. That is something that. I know he's for the whole year. Did you notice that it had a huge impact on? It changed the way I thought it totally and I'm the same way because I'm like I'm so famous for starting a journal. And then it's really good for like a couple weeks, and then it's empty, and I keep it and all these like you know journals that have a little bit done in the beginning, and then like I wish I could combine them all. And are they now? It's like so I just said I have never made like a year long commitment to myself I. Will I mean I will do anything for my kids. My husband, my family, my, you know the team of me me and my big ideas, but for me. It'd be like I'm always the first one to get shoved off the list and so I, said I need I was stressed because just like what you were saying. Our business was. Wildly successful that year, and the year before that but I was so stressed out. Because when you quadruple the size of your company, and you're trying to do the same things that you did before scaling it and learning how to do that so quickly is really stressful for a for a creative person who likes to do things like. As I'm inspired. And so. So dealing with that was huge, so all of these things that I saw which were gaining weight having high cholesterol, not sleeping at night, having hiring Zaidi I was thinking, it was because I'm out of shape or this and I didn't really realize accepted the journaling. which that's not what I started to do. That it was more than just that and so this journaling process just gave me. Such clarity and insight into my own feelings that I had no idea and I don't think if I if I just tried to do that at the very beginning for just a little bit I, don't think I would have. Gotten as deep because like doing it every single year someday the destroy today sucked. He knows the worst day ever and I didn't know how to see it through, but then as I got used to journaling just as an exercise every day. I learned to go. You know to just kind of. I guess like look a little deeper. Really. Shed light on stuff that I had no idea I was looking for. I feel like now. I'M GONNA. Go buy one of your journals because I'm so inspired by that by just what you said and I think that I'm someone that just keeps everything in my head and I talked to myself all day every day just. All the things that have to do all the things that should you know that are behind me? That I should have done yesterday it's that's great. I love that with you. You know you don't realize that when you're not like kind of emptying out. It's like for me I was not able to. I was not able to like think of I was kind of creatively blocked, and then I was like even motion. Lee blocked and they just didn't realize because I'm the same. I am an over thinker. I like I process everything and I just I kinda hold onto it and I get very wrapped up in my own head, and so it was just almost like an emptying of it and helps me sleep. Helped me do all that stuff, so my guys. I think you'll love it. Okay. I'm sold. journaling. Borsch, now let's talk a little bit about living intentionally, which is very much related to what we're talking about now, bite. What does it mean for you to live intentionally? And how can people cultivate a more meaningful life? Because obviously you found your passion, you work really hard at you. Know keeping your mind rate, and it seems like you're a very self, reflective person, but how how have you gotten there? I think. I've always been somebody who really likes. Growing looking inside I ask a Lotta questions of myself and. Other people like I. Try and tell my husband like I'm not really trying to psychoanalyze you. Even I would love to just get into everybody's head, but I think that there's so much we can learn. And one of the things that I have learned just by trying to grow as a person and being teachable. Has Been You. Know there's nobody in the world that is going to take charge of my life, my happiness, the things that I want that me. Matt what happens around me it doesn't you know we can all we can all be complaining about what's happening in the world with your job with your relationship, but when it really comes down to it, you're the one that's responsible for what it is. You want in your life and how happy you are. And so for me, it started with number one. I needed to. Learn how to love myself because I didn't love and accept yourself believe you're worthy of all those things, and then once you believe that those things started kind of coming into my life and a realize it's like you know. That was something that I had to really focus on. I had to work on with myself I am. We're a project, so if you go out there, and you really want a job, or you really want to start a business, or you want a relationship. You have to almost I think. Go for the life that you want with that same passion and I mean for me. It's just been about really starting to identify. What is it that you want? What is it that makes you happy? And how do you need to get that? I think that's why I'm a planner at heart, because living intentionally as really planning, you're trying to like you have to identify something first and then figure out how you're going to get it right, so it's like for me. Identifying. What makes me happy? What the name of our podcast plan? Happy Life at the Tagline for our company. Or for the for the happy planner, because really feel like you know if if for me, I need to identify what it is, that makes me happy right, and so I'm not somebody who is an Adrenalin Junkie I'm not someone who needs a lot of activity in my life, I need I need serenity a need. Calm I need a place to be creative I want to go travel I want to be with my family so when I. Start to really identify Granular Li, like what it is, that makes me happy and what I want I can easily say you know okay well. Then I am intentionally going to make the choices that get me closer to those things that I want and. It's really a responsibility. You know it's really taking responsibility for For the actions that we take and you know and I think it's empowering I actually feel like instead of going like Oh. My Gosh I'm responsible for all of these things in my life and no one's going to do about me that makes me. I think it just gives it gives me the power back to say you know. Stuff can happen all around me. Crap can just be going on like everywhere and internally I can live intentionally with what makes me happy, which what? And I can be. Responsible for especially this stuff that's going on in my head. You know so setting intentions of you know whether it's daily whether it's setting an intention for a year or whenever you're feeling like you need a little more clarity into. What am I working for I think it's a really powerful thing to do and I know sometimes when things get more popularity. They gained that whole like people in Oh. Yeah, okay. Setting intentions are doing all this, and it sounds a little Wu, and all that and I'm like it, but it really really makes a difference in how we live our lives, and the decisions that we make yeah, and it's all it all goes back to taking accountability, right and totally nine I. always talk about this on the podcast where a lot of people struggle with that I. Think they kind of have this. Poor me, mentality or you know I could never accomplish that I'm not ex- enough. I'm not educated. Enough I'm not. You know fast enough smart enough pretty enough whatever it is, and I just do I. Hope that if pe- when people listen to this episode, they really if they take anything from it. I really hope that they listen to what you just said. Because it's so powerful, that's such a like. I can't I've had a lot of things. People will ask me like well. Of course, it's easy for you to be happy because where you are today, you know and I said, but but here's what you don't understand is that? The reason I'm happy is not because I have all the things that I have the reason I have all the things that I have is because a happy positive person who believes that I have. that. What happens in my life is a result of you know of the way that I go about it and what I believe I deserve and how and then I can have those things I'm happy. And I'm positive period. Doesn't necessarily. Happy happy I just mean like I'm going to be content and positive and optimistic in my life. No matter what is going on and I have lived through a lot of things I've had like I said I shared with you. Guys had some traumatic things in my childhood that have happened I was had a child eighteen I had a lot of money issues. I'm growing up. I was in an abusive relationship with physically and mentally, and there's a have been drug abuse them I mean lots of things that I've had to deal with and. I could very easily any of those instances been. Why did this happen to me? I could never start a business because I don't have a college education and they don't have any money, and they don't have this and you know. What will people think of me and you know a? Growing and believing that you can do something, no matter what like having that resilience and having that. Like I'm just going to figure it out like I said I. It pretty much anything now I'm probably going to be more of a of a jack-of-all-trades master of none but that's okay. That's who I am, and that's really has gotten me where I'm at, but yeah. I just I think if anything I totally agree with you. If I share anything, it would be that no matter what your circumstances are in life. I think optimism and. And believing that no matter what happens to you, you will get through this, and you make something of yourself, and you can get the things that you want in life If you know if you're working, you work hard. You have to be willing to work hard. You have to be teachable if to learn to be confident, but all those things are things you can control. And it doesn't really matter what your circumstances are. So that would be something I mean. Yes. I love the product. Yes, I love our brand. Yes, I love all these other things, but that's just something that I think everyone can take with them throughout their lives. Such great life advice, and it's so true I feel like there's been looking back and reflecting on my own experiences to and the hardships that you know everyone has different forms of adversity, but how you respond and react to that is I think all the difference and I think it was a murray furlough that said everything is figure out. That just. When you said that because it's true like if you have that drive and that hustle enough to do what it is that you WanNa, do you can figure that all out and I think Alex also reiterated several times. There's this concept of just start now. Figure everything else out along the way as you go. Otherwise, you're never gonNA start. You're never going to achieve those goals but in terms of goal, setting and just organizational tips. I mean I feel like the ideal buyer of the happy planner is a very organized individual, or maybe they're aspiring to be more organized. So what are some good organizational tips just in general that people can start practicing and then apply to the happy planner. And I am not a naturally organized person. At like what you see back there on this video that we're recording over is not what it normally looks like I'm a creative person so I'm very like. Just kind of scattered and I will follow an idea like if I have an idea, I'm like I'm down that rabbit hole and. There's a chaos and mastic usually follows so being organized and using happy planner and using organizational tools is actually been essential for me to be like a productive society member of society or running a business, so one of my favorite tools and I think we kind of alluded to this a little earlier was getting things out of your head in getting him down I use a master What I call him Master Action Item List, so it doesn't matter if like you are thinking of I've gotTa. GotTa do cupcakes the Kids School I've got empty. The dishwasher I have a huge project that I'm working on. That's do every little thing. Take space up in your head and It doesn't really you know you're not really. They all have the same weight, so you're thinking constantly of the Dishwasher, the cupcakes and all of these things and you don't have the space to really think about Give yourself like. Hey, now. I'm really focusing on the project because there's so much stuff spinning in your head. And, so I think David Allen I think is his name he said you're. You're headed for having ideas, not storing them so like for me. It's like Oh, my gosh, that is so perfect so I take and had this one massive list actually I have to, but it's ones home in one's work, but usually for most people one will do and. If everything that comes out of my head is something that I have to do if it's an action item. I put it on my list and then I work from that list. Would plan my weeks when I plan my days, so I look at Monday and I think okay. I've got five meetings not lot. Stuff's going to be coming off that to do list, but on Tuesday I have one meeting in the morning and I had the whole day that I. have so I'll go off of my master list and then start working from there. I'M NOT GONNA forget my tasks that way. It's not going to be like oh shoot cupcake sting it. You have your your things that have due dates and everything so when I'm working from it I don't have fifteen sticky notes everywhere and a piece of paper that I wrote over there. That I got lost cause. I left it in my car and you're constantly then figuring out. How do I remember where it was that thing so keeping everything kind of in one place has been a big tip for me. the second organizational tip that I use I plan every Sunday I plan my week out every Sunday so or whatever the day before the start of week.' In for me. Mondays the start, so I sit down I. Take a look at what are all of the to the must do's appointments. The the deadlines that have to happen that week and get all those things in there and I. I plan everything out from date night with my husband every week. we're putting that in their first wins the time that I need one of my GonNa. Go exercise. When am I going to those put in appointments, and then I start to fill in again with things from that master to do. If I don't do that, then you know, there's things that come up and they're just time. Thief's and they come in to take in all of a sudden. You look and you've spent. Monday and you're thinking I've done nothing you know. It could be a week and you're going like shoot. There's nothing off my list. conversely you can take a look at that, and if you've been really productive, there've been times. I had no idea I could get that much done. So those are two tips for me to stay on and just to contend me. Being organized means being productive, because if I'm not productive, my stuff's all over the place. I get very easily overwhelmed, and that is not a good place for me to be. I was GONNA ask as well with with your master. Master list you add everything from like emptying the dishwasher doing laundry like every task so usually I have like if those are ongoing I will have just started doing this, which helped a lot, but all I kind of assign like if something that occurs every week for me I have a list. That's basically recurring tasks, so if you're if it's a cleaning thing, it's like an you know you've got changes sheets. You know the bathrooms or whatever I've got empty Roomba. because. Just, all those little things that are like take the trash out. Those are of things that I put off to the side which are more recurring tasks. And then when I sit down. Unday, I think you know empty room by the today's the in the evenings and do my meal planning here and those things happen all the time. The the Master List for me is you know the things that are their projects or their like like for me for my work one. It's like every time like I need to talk to him about this Call up this person and make sure I return this thing and check out on. All of the let's marketing meetings scheduled out. Make sure to reach out and so then I can cross them off. On Cross them off. And then when they're done, they're done, and of course you know once it gets to about halfway marked off at create a new list because it's prettier. And I like doing that, but yeah, the reoccurred things I keep separately. Of It, so we're GONNA. Get this all in. Your home about really what you're saying is it comes down to time management skills right, and yes, you know like you said there are some days ago by and I'm like. How did I just spent two hours scrolling through instagram? Checking emails bearing bearing myself in emails that really don't I don't need to get back to these people right away and you self reflect and go like that I see I'm busy, but to hours of that time was wasted. Time management is huge, and that was another thing that I uncovered in my memorabilia box that said think I was in like fourth grade and the teacher says like Stephanie needs to learn time management. Because it is true, because I do the same thing and I feel like there's so many times when people say I just don't have enough time and I'm thinking i. just spent four hours binge-watching. Whatever I. We. Do have the time and that's okay. If you're going, you know what I'm going to. It's going to be a binge party like I am going to be watching and It's fine but I think we need to be aware like you don't WanNa miss out on the things that you either want to be doing our need to be doing because you're not managing your time well and like I said it's a constant struggle. This is going to be something that I'm GonNa be. Be doing for my whole life. Because you know because I'm just not naturally inclined to be that way even, but it's a habit you know, and it's easier for me now, but managing your time well and scheduling it out is is a habit that we form you know, and it's just like it just becomes easier and then yeah, you find him. There's nothing to me like when I look at a list I'm like. Oh, my gosh look! How productive I was this week! That is such a good feeling when you even when you finish the day, and you're like man I was on point today like I knocked this off the list and I. Did this and you just feel good? There's just this feeling it brings. There's something about they say like an actual like I don't know what gets release, dopamine, or whatever that when you cross things off your list. That, yes, go. It is what? What are some other resources that you? You've enjoyed yourself or that? You would recommend to listeners in terms of time, management or building, good habits, organizational tools and practices. I think that like to meet. Okay decluttering. Making sure that you like you don't have because again. The more clutter at the worst and I know they say you know a messy desk or whatever they say, but the MESSI dozen. Beans or whatever and it is, but it's probably one who's just driving themselves crazy 'cause they can't find anything so developing somewhat of. Of A protocol for how you're GONNA. Plan your weeks and then also. One of the things I don't know if it's not really a resource, but it's something that I learned that. I kind of tend to first thing in the morning. I want to like answer all like you're saying I. Want to answer all my emails, and then of course I go down. Somebody's asking you know unsubscribe to all these things now and then I started subscribing, and then I go down, and so somebody told me to block off your days and at the beginning. Do the most important thing for you that you need to. To get done in the morning or whenever it is that you work I work best in the morning and freshest van, and then about three o'clock, I'm looking for anything else. I'm looking for something to snack on or any distraction and it, but some people are not also if you're like going, this is when I do my best work. Then make sure you can identify those times because you're gonNA. Find that you have. You're going to get more done. You'RE GONNA feel more efficient more. More productive and I think that's going to help I. Definitely, figure think that if you can figure out how technology and productivity work for you. I am kind of a hybrid between outlook and all of the technology that we can't. We have that really does keep us I've got when I have meetings. All my stuff is stored. I, don't WanNa. Right down the zoom. Call Identification Number and the password, and all these things you know, that's all stored in my outlook and I have a really good relationship between paper planning and my tech, you know. And then but I have a process every time I have like a nice system. I think I think that works I've been I've used a lot of productivity tools into honest with you. Nothing's really kept me more productive than just keeping it simple and planning things out and getting stuff done I mean it. It starts off great, but then it's just something else for me to. Keep track of so having something just right in my face whether it's my outlook, calendar or or my paper planner I just like I, said I've tried I've tried them all I've tried. And I know they were really well for some people, but for me it's just all about keeping it really simple and just getting stuff done. Yeah, and you know what I love the realness because we get questions, sometimes of like. How do you have a business and you work fulltime in your mind like? How do you do all the things? And I always kind of self reflect in its and I always think you know. You make time for what's important to you. That's the bottom line. We all have twenty four hours a day. I think that that hustle mentality isn't always helpful and isn't always positive, but at the same time if you have something that you want to accomplish. You just have to do it. You have to figure it out and do it. That's the bottom line. So Yeah? I love what you said on that. You know what I'd like to ask you Stephanie. If there's some sort of book or podcast or resource that you'd recommend for our followers, I don't know if you have any in mind that something that is is really impacted you in some way. Yes, so two different two different things so a book that basically just changed my life completely were was the gifts of imperfection by Bernard Brown. And it was one of those things where I just realized I don't have to be perfect I'm worthy of just the way I am, and that just really kind of just her whole. I love her so much that book. When I started to believe those things about myself, things change. They think changed in my life. They changed in my business That's why I think that no matter what you're looking at doing that. Inner work is I. Don't don't try and like. Get the promotion or getting the relationship, because you think that's GonNa make you more successful or happier, or whatever, because if you're not okay with that first step I it's all going to be empty. You know you're going to get the promotion, but it's not gonNA. Feel as great as you thought it was. Because you're. There's there's that whole in there that you're trying to fill so. That personally was amazing for me and then I love how I built this by Cairo's and. The podcast and for business. That's something that I listened to and I just. If, you're ever wanting to start a business and you think well I don't fit the typical either entrepreneur or business owner, or whatever I don't fit that mold listen to those stories there from every walk of life and every kind of story. It's so empowering to listen to them, but it's also really interesting to see how some of those people dealt with you know the setbacks, and how they how they innovated, and how they funded their businesses, and it's really interesting, and so, and they've covered just about like every aspect of business so I love those, too. Such third-rate episode actually heard how I built. This I've never listened to it, but I've heard it is great good, so that'll be one that'll that'll be added to my podcast list. podcasts our life right now in quarantine. Basically do anything and just have headphones on and listen to podcasts. For sure so good. Well this has been great. We are so happy that we have had the chance to chat with you and an answer all of our questions. Where can people find you on on social media? And where can they purchase happy planner? So they can find a me personally and INSTAGRAM's. Where is my John? That's what I love the most. People over it Instagram, so you can find me at Stephanie Score, Fleming. And then you can find the happy planner, which on Instagram, as the underscore happy, underscore planner or the happy planet Dot Com. I also have a podcast called planet. Happy Life that host with my daughter, sharing tips about how you can choose to be happier and planned to be happier and. And we love that, so that is planned a happy life. You can find that. At Planet Happy Life Dot Com so and then the happy planner you can buy at craft stores all over Michael's Joanne. Hobby Lobby Walmart and that'd be planner DOT COM, so we're all over. Love it. It's awesome. That is so great. We will link everything in the show notes, and it has been such a pleasure Stephanie you offer so much wisdom. As it relates to not only business but life so thank you for sitting down with us today. Thank you appreciate it. It's been fun talking to you.

Stephanie Fleming Co Founder Married Google Pinterest Bernard Brown Wanna Weller Mckellen Dopamine Paisley David Allen Kate Cfo Ceo Kids School OH Canton. Zaidi
"bernard brown" Discussed on Zen Parenting Radio

Zen Parenting Radio

12:39 min | 2 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Zen Parenting Radio

"Was it was fun doing talking about the finale. During Cameron Adams Cameron Adams Sky. There's going to join us today so anyway. If you don't already subscribe to pop culturing especially if you need a break from constant news at town I have been talking about so much. Is that Tom? I love our self help. Books are fiction books and We LOVE TO BE LEARNING. You mean nonfiction books fiction and non fiction because even there's some fiction that I've read that's too overwhelming for me even if it's not a true story it's often based on a true story and I'm kind of I'm having learning overload learning burn out so todd and I have found ourselves listening the two things that are more like I'm listening to a podcast right now. About the last dance the Bulls. Jalen rose who I love. I just think he's awesome has a podcast and they break down each episode and Yeah it's funny because then parenting which is what you're listening to right now Err on the side of okay. How can we use those? We understand ourselves. It's a deep dive. So if you're listening to this could for you kudos keep doing. We find myself listening to a whole lot of those types of podcasts. Now I'm more listening to like brain dead stuff. Well I'm listening to a balance. I used to only listen to major interviews or shows like Zen parenting where I was always always learning and I just don't WanNA learn like I've listened to a podcast this morning about the five Best Matt Damon Movies. Like that's important so pup culturing is your escape. If you feel like you know what Todd Cathy I love you but I don't WanNa go deep just switch over to pop culture and you don't have children you just have both. Oh in addition to an addition to yes Because I think we've probably done about thirty those you could subscribe on all the platforms but just make sure you subscribe so before we get into hitting the wall. Yeah John Duffy's our friend. He's a doctor and he is described guy. Well he's a psychologist and his focus. at least the way. I describe it is he. His latest book is about teens. But he's always been very focused on teens because those are primarily his clients those clients and He's got such an optimistic attitude and such a compassionate approach to not only the teenagers who adores but the parents He is somebody that I've always felt really comfortable. We've had them at every conference that we've ever done for this reason. He sets your mind at ease but he's honest. Do you know what I mean. So he's not he's not like lying to you. And trying to make coddle you he's just saying yes here's the truth but here's what we consume. He did an instagram live. That he put on his podcast called butter to podcast the one that he does with his wife. Julie's called better and this is a quick few minutes about how people have been asking him about e learning and it's a pain and our kids learning everything they need to do. The whole podcast is gold. Okay I just decided to pick this one out of the bunch and I'll include it in the show so basically what you're saying is he did an instagram live. But then he posted the content on his podcast. Basically just copying pasted input into podcast. So this is him. Talking about learning learning is a struggle for my kids and for me. It's messy inconsistent. So he's talking about a question that is being asked of this organized and my kids seem disconnected from it. That's all true you learning is messy and I've talked to a bunch of families and a few teachers and administrators about this very thing and they would all agree and I think the conventional wisdom in this moment would suggest it's there really to provide a little bit of structure for your kids over the course of the day do. Does anybody really think that your fourth grader or your sophomore in high school is going to amass a whole new bunch of information in the next six weeks now. Nobody's expecting that. So if you're carrying that pressure and you suddenly feel like I should be like teacher now. You know I really. I really need to be able to be a homeschool or and be very effective at this and get my kids to focus and concentrate for a few hours straight in a day. Hey Man if you're making that happen Kudos to you it's not necessary my strong biases to take the pressure off that. If there's some learning it is some reading assignments or a couple other assignments that you can get your kids to do. Great have them. Do It build that structure but keep in mind. Your kids are learning a whole bunch of stuff and then he goes on well and the reason that I love that is I think again. Parents struggle with the extremes. Meaning if we say. Hey lighten up. It's okay they're like what are you telling me this is an important. Then why are we doing it and again as we always discuss on the show people live in these by in areas of either? It's important it's not important and what I love about what John is saying is. Of course it's important but it's not real meaning that we were in an experiment right now of trying to do some maintenance of maybe what the kids learn this year to give them some structure to offer some structure at home for the whole family and to keep in touch with our educators Because teachers are an important part of our children's lives meaning. We are to his parents but kids need lots of different adults that care about them and so to have that contact with the teachers is less about. What grade am I gonNa get and more about? Oh there's my person that I'm used to seeing day and that I can email them and ask them questions and I. I think it's an opportunity to let the air out of the balloon for the parents who have made education their primary focus. I already see people as I'm sure everybody does on all the social networking platforms saying. Oh I was supposed to have my you know this meeting about my kids. Iep or this teacher is in getting back to me in time. Or I don't understand why the expectation is different or whatever there's a lot of worry and complaining and while I understand that sometimes complaining is a type of You know it's kind of like what Bernard Brown says about blame discharging of our own discomfort so I look at it with compassion meaning. I don't think these people are being jerks or anything but if we can also take a moment and be like. This isn't the same as it was before. So quit trying to make it the same. And for those of you who like Oh. My meeting was cancelled. Everybody's meeting was cancelled. So you're not behind. You haven't missed anything. There isn't something that other kids are. Anybody is positive everybody is paused. And so sometimes we are so we have this Miami. Yeah we have an addiction to competitiveness. Right and we're all the whole world is pulling from the same place correct right now and so when you're like my kid didn't get this correct right so we're all doing something different and I call it experiment because it is not because we are being experimented upon but because this has never been done so it's like what we're doing is we're building the bridge as we're walking on it as one of my teachers used to say you know like this is an so what you were saying like a month ago when all of this kind of first happened is how do you want to reflect on yourself during this time because the truth is even though we have a long way to go there is also it's going to end and we will have time to reflect even though it's one of those things it reminds me of when we have little children and people say the days are long but the years are short. That's exactly what this time is like. Is I know the days are long and I know the boredom and I you know not only do I experienced myself which we're GonNa talk about today but for my clients from circle from our friends. My mother my family But it will end and then we'll be like okay. What was that all about? And so and how did we? What did we did we grow? Did we have maybe some necessary breakdowns about what's most important because I don't think we should necessarily have these breakthroughs where we're all joyous. Sometimes the breakthroughs come when we hit a wall and we'll be talking about solo before we end up talking about that. One thing I liked about this podcast at John put out was. He's like listen. He's like every week my story shifts about covert. He's like if you would've said if you'd have told me five weeks. Go make kids playing minecraft for three and a half hours a day. I'd be like yeah. It's time to curb that. And he's like now. Yeah go ahead like what I like about. John is that he's not like holding to his story because every day every week. The story changes based upon. What's going on in our world so I just appreciate him. Being owning to the fact like what I was told you a month ago is different than what I'm telling you right now and we have to as parents be open to rolling with all of these punches and to me he just by the nature of thinking that way because I is even not a pandemic. We need to be open to see the reason we trust. John is because John is has integrity and because he's honest about when things are key even as two books you know the available parent to parenting the new teen. In the age of anxiety he talks about how a big shift that he doesn't. It's not that he doesn't believe what he wrote about in the available because he does but things changed. So he's like here's added information on top of the connection and on top of the trust and you and I just had a conversation about this yesterday and about the you know the We don't have to dive deep into a todd. 'cause WE I didn't mention that was gonNA bring this up. Bring it up. Are you sure. Yeah well just that. Sometimes when we're frustrated we go back into old patterns of I'm feeling disconnected so or I'm feeling frustrated and so my kids need to get off. Technology was unsealing procedures for some context. I don't know if this is Friday but I walked upstairs and my daughters are doing their work. And everything's fine. Their schoolwork were But then in the afternoon they their doors are closed. And they're watching their shows which is what they do or reading books or reading books or taking walk or talk about what they were doing is the same thing as they've been doing for the last since. Calvin really started. Which is they close their door because they want. I think there's some safety the safety. But there's some comfort in saying I'm in my zone of whether it's reading a book or watching the screen or something like that and it triggered me on like how come everybody's doors closed. How come everybody's doors are locked? And I get triggered and I knew that I was coming from a place of lack and instead of bringing it up at the dinner table in front of everybody which is why what I WANNA do by the way I'm like I know that's GonNa land horribly so instead I brought it up to you. I'm like Adam totally. I don't know what I said but I'm like well you didn't start by saying you were triggered. You just start by no. They shouldn't have their doors. Yes I was totally below the line. I'm like yeah. I'm so frustrated. Because why they're door's always closed. Doors not call. I'm just I'm coming from a victim villain mentality like I'm placing blame and I'm seeing. Pour me and then you you know you and I kind of processed through it a little bit and it's all about me correct. That doesn't mean that I'm not gonNA ask my daughters to open up the door but from what energy am I asking them and if I would have walked upstairs and said something to them from that state of consciousness it would have been gone horribly well and let me explain. Say something generally and this is about you but about all of us because this is the truth. You are projecting onto them. They're disconnecting from me. Because you feel disconnected. So you're looking outside of yourself and saying everybody else needs to change to make me feel better because I'm uncomfortable right now now..

John Duffy Todd Cathy instagram Bulls Cameron Adams Jalen Matt Damon Tom Bernard Brown Julie Miami Iep Calvin Adam
"bernard brown" Discussed on The ROI Podcast

The ROI Podcast

09:35 min | 2 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on The ROI Podcast

"Apologize for that one tonight. It's clear indirect. I what I would. I think that's a phenomenal question. Because too often and I get this from I got this inspiration from Bernie Brown Bernie Brown who I love and I I swear. One day I'm going to get a permanent Bernard Brown Tattoo somewhere. I think she's absolutely phenomenal at how she's thinking the concept she's bringing to the table but she says you know you. You need to be careful in terms of who you're who you're taking feedback from him. What feedback are you taking as you get this experience feedbacks legitimate? We need to engage in it but it doesn't necessarily make accents to take feedback from every editor on the sideline who may or may not have relevant perspective as you go about the work. You're trying to do so. I think what's important is understanding. I want to understand how people experience me. I WANNA understand both those experiences from a positive and negative perspective perspective because their experience I think I have to honor that for what it is and I want it to be people who I feel like. I'm working with in a legitimate way where they're getting a chance to see and observe things that I bring to the table so people that I have experience with people that I work with have known for a long time such as Eric and other partners here at the school people that may maybe I'm new to an experience with but I'm working deep. You blew them and I'm trying to do good work. Then I want to understand their perspective as well We work a lot with students. Students feedback is very important to me. How am I coming across the students and and what are they taking away from our interactions together because I want those relationships to be positive and influential and effective right and so I think being conscious of where am I getting that feedback from and then you know being open to it in a way that says four as a leader? Can I actually think about the people people on trying to influence. And the people who are influencing me and be able to share that feedback in a way that are received that feedback. I should say in a way that actually helps me understand myself. I self better be a little bit more self honest and maybe recognized whether or not my identity which I think I have is actually coming coming to bear one thing. That's interesting is the you said people on the sidelines are giving their constant color commentating always and I think a lot of times you know. There's just bad advice because some people just have a chip on their shoulder and some individuals. Just have a grudge that they've been carrying. So how does Hukou filter through I mean because obviously there's GonNa be some negative feedback you're gonNA you're GonNa have to experience some negative negatively about your own personality but at the same sometimes there's some people who just want to hurt solely just to hurt because maybe they have their own issues inside. So how do you do leaders filter through what what is valid. And what is just totally out in left field or just there as just a way of saying it because I just I just want to tell you you're bad well. I think it's a great point and that does that does happen. I mean I think part of it is if you do curate. The right set of people and there's a level of trust there air than the folks who are giving it to. You won't won't be trying to hurt you right. So it's it's almost like that metaphor around the concentric circles those you work. The closest with as S. Brown also says those who are in the arena wrestling with their own demons like that group. Because you know they're willing to do the work they know the value of doing the work and how to frame things in in such a way to help you do the work so you do weight that those people that have greater experience with you where you have better relationships more and as you move further from further away from that core I think you should wait less and less over time and I think what you're looking for overtime is trends. I mean you know somebody who who says while you really suck at this thing and it's the only time I've heard it and it came from somebody I didn't know that well and it felt like it might have been a little insidious I I mean. It will hurt art and I will need to process that hurt but if I'm not hearing that as a consistent trend then it's probably not something I need to be addressing in the same way that I MM-HMM I am if I'm noticing consistently people are saying wow you're not all that organized and it's coming up a lot then and it's coming up across multiple setting so that trend one thing is fairly important to me and one of the things you have to get good at it. Leaders is almost channeling your inner dude right from the big Lebowski and just getting good at saying well. That's just your opinion man and move on and I think sometimes we internal actually. Here's what I'll say. Sometimes people internalize that sometimes people get sort of chastise is a little bit for dismissing that. But my opinion is the ability to say. That's just your opinion and move on is actually a strong leadership characteristic and we should all have a little dude dude on our shoulders. Yeah I would agree with that as long as we're not ignoring something that might be getting our way of actually understanding something so I'm a big fan of the the dude as well. I think there's it's at least what I've seen on line I don. I don't like the feedback. Culture that exists in general online where non anonymous feedback runs rampant. And everyone takes potshots and yeah purposeful trolls etc.. I think as we get into. IRL moving back into our real lives as we think about this situation and say boy. There's a person that I just. I don't even want to hear the feedback from them. Because I don't I think there's a deeper question there in terms of what's going on with that person and me. Is there some sort of relationship issue your dynamic that I need to explore some as I'm looking at that saying well I don't know if they have a valid opinion. Maybe not but maybe there's something that's getting on our way that could be if we if we step back if we look at a broader system. Maybe it's getting there. I do hardly agree with Eric I. It's it's input right. It's it's feedback is input. It doesn't have to leave this overarching imprint. And I think too often. I've seen leaders get a little too hung up and on trying to be universally light which may or may not be possible. It doesn't mean I can't understand how other people experience me right if somebody's experiencing me in a way that they're not happy happy. You're not satisfied with great. I can know that. But that's just a piece of data I can know and what I choose to do with that. Now is something that I probably want to think about it. A little bit deeper level all right so as we wrap up. I want to go around the horn and I want to hear from you guys some of Your Best Coaching Advice. That you either give or you have received in regards to eat self observation as leader therefore that self-improvement wall some of the. I'll I'll tell you one of my favorite coaching questions. Maybe a good way to address that. I've I've have not the principle of coaching. Not every question is right for every person but on this idea of self observation. One of the things that's been really powerful as a question What is the feeling the? You're trying not to feel right now and I've noticed that really starts to get at the heart of why people will dismiss certain types of feedback where we're struggling with the difference between identity and reputation where someone is struggling to be honest with themselves and accept what seems to be going the on is starting to get into some of that so and part of I think a good habit around that and I know this gets to be a little cliche but I think is extremely serenely important is to have have an active data collection process on yourself which is in my opinion a good journal electronic paper. You can't self observe without writing things down without collecting the information in noticing things over time and I have found that taking a few minutes to notice that what question as part of a stronger journaling habit Really does lead some good self discovery in good self observation and when they bring those answers to me some great coaching conversations and I I love that part part of the process as well the actual observation. It's it's great if you can actually collect that data right like let's be scientists. Is We actually look at this. Let's let's look at the data for what it is and Matt Answer. Your question is one of the best pieces of advice. I've ever gotten from a coach right and so this was a coach mentor type. Is You know they say oftentimes well feelings aren't facts. Well but their data right and we have thoughts and we have feelings and those thoughts and feelings lead to behaviors and if we can examine our behaviors and we can look at it both from irrational emotional side and we can start to observe why were experiencing those thoughts and those feelings if you will which sometimes are taboo to talk about boy that can give us a lot of insight into why we're showing up the way we're doing why we're making sense. Certain things in certain ways why we're experiencing happiness or meaning or frustration etc and too often we ignore that emotional feeling side because it's to quote unquote soft will actually. That's the hard stuff. And so I I really think the more.

Eric I. It Bernie Brown Bernard Brown editor Hukou Matt Answer
"bernard brown" Discussed on Stories Behind the Grind

Stories Behind the Grind

14:11 min | 2 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Stories Behind the Grind

"Love the question. And it's just that is just say. My Grand Vision is actually companies every company in the world every team in the world having access to Third Party confidential just-in-time coaching. So they don't on have to walk around. Apparently seventy percent of employees are avoiding a tough conversation with someone at work and the cost of that is the employees themselves selves to the estimated. That the cost of that seven hundred thousand dollars per conversation so I want everybody to have access to to retain karch coach that they can trust and role play it and then off they go and what we have is more talking less resentment and less quitting if I heard a statistic to ninety people were unsatisfied in the work environment there in inside too. I hadn't heard that one I've been really studying on these stats and I. I read the forty eight percent of non executives. Only forty eight percent of non executives can trust their company and got something like fifty one percent considering leaving the job in the next two years ago you know their issues that that really got going on and some companies now saying that they want to address it which I think is wonderful and then even list companies are actually doing something to do the hard work to create the safe space so the tough conversations or as Bernard Brown puts it in her book. Data lead rumbling rumbling with vulnerability can happen so we can roll up. Really get to the issues. We can feel the emotions here. The emotions haven't witnessed work through it and then get on with our job. You can either as she says you can either spend a small amount of time now hearing the feelings and sorting it out or spend an unreasonable amount of time later later dealing with unproductive behavior. Yeah Showtime Panel olongtime pain basically be for the choice of either one of them yet. Short term pain long-term gain all you can just stretch out the pain of years. You know the people as the seventy percent that said they're avoiding a tough conversation. A third of those was silent for at least a month off and a quarter of them was silent at least a year on the thing these things of the system and they fessed up and it doesn't have to be that way doesn't have to be that way and that's my mission is to reverse that so we can. We can talk more told more and be more productive and benefit. Everyone who's in bulbs and the job job. Plus you know if I like working with you a like working with my team. I'm more likely to support my team. And to give them ideas and be happy when they succeed and and we can thrive mentioned basketball team. Where you've got issues with three people on the team and you don't trust them? That's terrible it is. I love the sports analogy. Because you wouldn't have a sports team where you had people who backstabbing each other role tiptoeing around and not being attained Playa but when you when you have that analogy and put it into a business context tonight cents. You know if you're GONNA and I'm glad you thanks for noticing that I've never use that analogy for it just it. Just kind of a good coach would never allow that a good college hodge. If there's any issue between team members they find a way to sort out so that everybody's really thriving and the team resolve is is what matters we all care about it. Roll invested now. I've worked in companies where we know I haven't I've worked in one company in my life and and it was the only company I worked for and I like some of the people in some of the people I didn't like and I wasn't taught how to bring up the tough conversations. I didn't know had awesome what I wanted. I didn't know how to enroll someone in a possibility. I did my work and hope it that worked out and I got by but it. It doesn't have to be that way. I spent twenty years now studying how to have these conversations skillfully reduce the chance of a train wreck increase the chance of a positive outcome and I love doing it. I mean I really think I could do this. All Day is just role playing tough conversations. The role play it is. We don't just practice if you've got a machine with your CEO. I'll be you and you be the CEO. And I'll show you how someone else might do it. I'll have the conversation and you give me his his hot time as you want. You can tell me crazy you can tell me I'm selfish. You can tell me I'm about to get fired. You say whatever you want and you get see how has someone else might handle it and record it as well so you can watch it over again. That's my methodology and I'm very excited about it a lot. I'm glad you clarified because in my head had thought it was gonna be the other way around. But it's it's quite ingenious because you get I as a someone calling in you get to play out the worst fate so you have in your mind and wants to say doesn't play out the way you think it will. Then you SORTA got nothing to stand on. Men locked yeah and my clients has no trouble people doing the role play. Because if I say all right you're going to be your wife and you say whatever she'll say they've got no problem accessing that I just did a giral play with an executive director and he's like trying to get his kids to prepare for college and he's like my kid do it. I said I switch so I became him. He's kid and I said Hey. Can we schedule some time. Time to talk about what you're saying might look like if you're undo it. I want to contribute Brainstorm ideas and man was he able to access says he's kid he's like yeah. Yeah we'll do that but I just two presentations. I just did a lot of research. I think that was really good and I got a I got to go out with friends prince tonight and that's important so I don't have time right. Napa will do it later and he was he was using all the stonewalling tactics and I was not to be dissuaded. I said Craig I want you to do all that about we pick a time tomorrow. You just pick it you know. We went right through it and at the end I said what did you get. He said. Well you really seemed open even to me making my own decisions and you didn't seem attached to it using assistant but you kept saying if I find it valuable and you were really open to making my own decisions visions. So now he can go to kid and if he wants to he can try having a conversation but not shutting down his throat. Like you have to do this. That was his one one energetic perspective he got from the compensation todd to tell someone that they can witness it in somebody else. Yeah and experience themselves the ones who have experienced any. It's easy to communicate that experience with that feeling to somebody else. Could you be necessary is essentially. Yeah Yeah it's actually a transmission transmission. I'm I am transmitting some. I'd hate to speak about energy because I've always thought it. So he will. But I'm transmitting a certain energy and I've got a a way of being as I do the conversation the station and said they get not just the content but they get to see how they could be differently with someone LANC hey enrolling his son and get a good one client. She's writing down notes speaking like a good try that oh I hadn't thought of that I could try that and then I'll say go and it's not always perfect but they try a few things they at least bring it up and if it doesn't go that well maybe they get around to. Hey can I do. I realize you know some things that I I wish I'd said differently kind of do over around too. It's not always the the end the end of the conversation just because that first conversation didn't go well not at all you can always. I guess most people would be I or less. She'd know if people would be home by asking for another commerce. That's right because that could be a tough conversation like hey can I reach like like this one client is doing. He's boss. You pitched on a proposal and the boss said Y'all not yet. Let's do this other thing I well. He wants to revisit it because he's it doesn't WanNa take no for an answer so we're just looking at. How can you have that conversation? Decision Making get permission to revisit it and enroll him in like. Hey I know you said that. And you brought up some good ideas and Kinda tempted to try that and a couple of arguments didn't Mike. Can we revisit it and I pitched it again and if you still think no oh than fine by through ways to do it and we get more and more skillful the more we practice so if you think you you're terrible at it great be terrible at it you can even say to someone. I think you're GONNA be terrible at this. I'm probably GONNA blow this but can you just cut me some slack. Lack Gimme some room to hang myself. Get it all out and I'd love to hear what you got to say. There are ways to do it so the people get where you're coming from owned aren't using get related. You have to show. I love that honest at the beginning someone to have the conversation with mom couple months ago. It's just GonNa done a how this is GonNa Guard and and attack it as it is to get this offense and thinking about it for a while and I just need to communicate to you. I don't expect a response out of respect. Ansa Jayasena talk about it. Wow Aw man I call at Black Bill. That's a black belt. Move Right. They did.

CEO Bernard Brown Third Party basketball Black Bill Ansa Jayasena Roll Napa executive director Craig todd Mike
"bernard brown" Discussed on Active Citizen Podcast

Active Citizen Podcast

07:35 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Active Citizen Podcast

"Let your vast experience. People have been traumatized. Should they be spending as much each time reading media on social media where you're so many some extent eighteen potential past i would say no. That's you know it's in your face every day on t._v. And wherever but it all depends on how you deal with things if you can deal with it in a proper way then it won't be much of issue shoe if you've dealt with it it will help if you haven't dealt with it like that and you see a movie that you will be triggered <hes> and then you will of all the trauma. We'll come back to you all over again so deal with it. If something happens to you deal with it and it will make life much easier. Never your face at you'll never forget okay. What has happened to you but you can move on in life. You tell you recall it. So one of the most watched ted talks out. There was recorded there. Were two or three of them done by. The same woman name is bernard brown school the power of vulnerability and if you're listening to this and interested it's woolworth watch cheese. He is <hes> as she explained talk. She's not a person who ever considered herself to be vulnerable would make us off honorable. She was a hardened. I think he's texan and and went into <hes> method methodological research you hard and factual and the more she started researching what it is that makes people human mm-hmm and about vulnerability she ended up doing ted talks and what it means to be vulnerable and had a complete breakdown which he goes into new spain was actually a breakthrough people who just fascinating tort touches on a lot of topics we mentioned here and how how close it is to our cause human beings. We've touched on here. We we had this barrier with which we very reluctant to pause and we think that if we expose ourselves as being vulnerable we'll be eaten by the pride of lions kicked out by tribe but it's almost a barrier that to some degree need to push pause and we'd asked me not still you know not animals in essential part of a tribe living in forest. It's different and we you almost have to get past that in order to evolve in a sense <hes> if we are going to survive inocencio authentic honesty goes yeah so in a being able to actually tell you a story right. We running out of time on the pug cost. It's gone so fast. I'm looking at the time here we forty five minutes in already so as we it draws to a close and based on your experience these three groupings off people the first is emergency workers so you act as chaplain you all with with people who are an extreme pressure if we've got to paramedic or a fireman or police officer law enforcement officer whoever is in emergency services. What would your advice be to them right now. They feeling this something inside. It's not right looking at what i've been seeing. What's your advice to him. Please go and speak speak to someone. Go and talk to someone of what is this. Issue is always help you guys out there. It doesn't have to be re your managers or your supervisor's see it. You can do it on your own private time but please go and speak to someone so to start the process with the family member of pasta and imam who ever ever trust but start the process start the process in a person who's been victim often the people who are victims. They've confronted a rubber. Were they being robbed. They reported at the police station. They come back home. It's a week later. The incident was a cellphone snatched from him but it was traumatic. Oh medical do you suggest similar process yeah. Whenever something like that happens you need to go and see someone. The best way is within in two days after the win to go and see someone because if you go and see a counselor within that time area then you get debriefed and you'll get counseling and you can move on usually takes two to three sessions even after one station you could solve the problem and you get tips that you can follow to help yourself to move on and your problem is not away but it's much better you can deal with and you've got coping mechanisms to help you to deal with that and then the third category people who who know of something someone's made them feel very uneasy on whatsapp or they've seen something on social media. That is genius thing. It's not a fake news the same same process should people go see someone even if it is <hes> something that's not right in the middle of all depending what it is if you feel uncomfortable geico and speak to someone if it if it affects your daily life or your daily going about life then are always tell people going speak to someone find out what is it. That's affecting your daily life and go and sorted out because that small little thing is going to get begun began if you don't sort it out not just be a trigger of someone in your life that has had all you need is. You've got fears about getting robbed. You see someone else and you start really mess up the quality of life. Can i add something with pleasure okay so i i had i heard a story the other day and it just made me laugh because it brought into focus all of this we're talking about if something comes up for you deal with it process it so that you are the unclear to move onto something else and sam harris cesario seconds. I'm harris story but he said he was really grumbling the other day and and he was upset about a couple of things and he had lunch the friend and the friend said tim that morning so do you have to solve everything that you speaking about today and even oh good point no i don't really and then she smiled at him and said and what makes you think what made you think that you would never have problems again and even a rised because we think that when we've dealt with something that's it done we done but then something else will come mm-hmm so the counseling and the trauma counseling is a way to process so that we're clear again for the next thing and it gives us coping mechanisms so in the same way in the same way that we concerned about good dental health good medical health we need in our lives to consider good mental health within the from reading social media with being a direct impact from being a victim. We need to deal with it. Differently almost feel like i'm out of breath we we. We took a breath away sip such a big subject. We you only need to consider and deal with it. Thank you so much for joining us and it's really a privilege that you've joined us on this on this program guys thanks. Thanks so much thank you to everyone choon in a game keep looking on facebook and at various locations you will find the podcast epo on tune in radio and keep listening and please said beforehand. We'd love you to make comments and facebook. Wherever you listen to the cost likes it citra so that we can get this out to more people so until knicks time from me. Goodbye and god bless burn <music>..

ted facebook sam harris officer knicks spain geico bernard brown school supervisor woolworth tim forty five minutes two days
"bernard brown" Discussed on MyTalk 107.1

MyTalk 107.1

02:02 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on MyTalk 107.1

"Flicks. Rene brown. I mean, she relates it to the work place. You know, vulnerability and shame and courage. She relates it to family your relationship with your spouse or children, thrilling good good. I really liked it. I'm that's wild that you like that. That's great stuff. Like that. Oh, okay. That's it you're pretending. But you know, sometimes like you get way too into it. You get what you get. I feel you feel way too dependent on other. What? Well, here's what happens though with me help. I referenced it a lot I will file it away. And then I reference it quite a bit. You know, what I mean something one line that will stick out from this guy at one line? That'll stick out from this thing all the time. Yeah. I saw do you ever think for yourself, man? I think what Tony Robbins tells me. I will walk on those calls out and get back to you. Okay. I want to know what you think about that. Ryan sounds like you could watch to buddy. Yeah. Whitney actually just got a book by Bernard Brown. Flipping through net. Flicks. Last night, we saw the special on. And so we'll check it out. She's funny to that kind of almost makes it feel like you're kind of watching a comedy special. You know, it's kind of like a hybrid of self help and comedy. And she's got a lot of self deprecation. It's it's it's good. Okay. Here's another thing. Did you know that Maya Rudolph is in a prince cover band? I did not know that. But it feels like it makes sense because of an old SNL sketch that she used to do I believe she was beyond say. And it was she was like kind of the Ed McMahon for the print show prince was played by Fred Armenian. Can I show? My Spidey sensitive tingling these welcome from the new Spiderman movie Toby.

Rene brown Maya Rudolph Whitney Tony Robbins Bernard Brown SNL Fred Armenian Ed McMahon Ryan prince Toby Spidey
"bernard brown" Discussed on Real Talk with Dana | Nutrition, Health

Real Talk with Dana | Nutrition, Health

05:01 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Real Talk with Dana | Nutrition, Health

"Progress. No completely. It's just being able to open up a two has been I opening about that. And I used to read Bernard Brown before I would be honest and open with people and be like, oh, she's amazing. I love her. But I was petrified to actually implement anything that she said theory. Exactly, I it's funny. I don't know if it's in. I've always wondered this like if it's an age thing, or if it's just age happens to be part of it because you have to experience certain things before you just I hate saying stop, caring because I still care about so many things, but before you stop getting hung up on all the things that don't really matter like what someone's going to think about when you share that. And if they think something negative thing something negative. I mean, it's it's incredible. And it's funny that you said, you know, when when you went into how she says to kind of be fully yourself and share your whole story like the first few since I've started coaching clients. I was always afraid it would be off putting to people that I had a variety of issues. Like, okay page, maybe you should share your eating disorder, or maybe you should share your auto immune disease. But if you share all of that people are gonna think you're hot mess. Could she just like put it all out there like this? And once I actually did share everything, especially the first time, I fully shared it out verbally like on your podcast. It's when I started getting more clients because these people I was blown away. They're like, oh my gosh. I have an autoimmune disease NS struggle with an eating disorder. And no one stands me because I try to find these diets in these these approaches like AIP, and I'm not knocking IP funny people. I've known plenty of friends, obviously, having noted disease you develop a community of fellow people that have struggled with those health issues and AMPS helped them, but if you have a history of an eating disorder it is such a restrictive diet. But unfortunately, some of these nothing's that help people who haven't had those struggles with food in their relationship with food in their body image. It just it's a nightmare. I mean, I tried to do a IP and I wanted to rip my hair out and it brought me back to thinking. I was going to binge and purge and my point being once I was honest about. All of the issues, and like my true story and how it's all interrelated. That's when I started connecting with people who really needed my help because it. It's just I I mean, honestly, it's mind blowing. I just thought. Oh my God. No one's gonna wanna know. All this like, this is just so much information. Like, people are gonna think you're nuts, and it's just an over share. And those are the people that reached out to me that had obviously all of our stories are a little bit unique. But it seems to be this formula that I've heard again. And again, if people that you have a serious health issue you develop a for relationship with food and those feed off of each other, no pun intended. And it it's just an interesting position to be in. Because so many of the recommendations are not really mentally emotionally safe. If that's an issue that you struggle with. So I I hope I didn't go off topic era now and not at all. And exactly like you said, it's a double edged sword. Right. Because if you're coming from the eating disorder community the recommendations that they are giving to people who, you know, just quote unquote, heavy air quotes haven't eating disorder anonymous, an autoimmune disease can work really well, but then if you go to the other side, and you just have an autoimmune disease, but not an eating disorder or disordered eating which honestly is kind of few and far between. But if you just take the recommendations for the autoimmune protocol in the things that go along with that that's not gonna work well for someone who has an autoimmune disease and eating disorder. So it's like trying to find the middle ground. And it's so powerful again that we're sharing our stories that yes, I have an autoimmune disease, and yes, I had an eating disorder, and I'm trying to find the middle ground, and it's so hard because it seems like none of the recommendations that are out there or the practitioners that specialize in one side of the other are going to work for me. And it's interesting that you said that as well because I had the exact same experience of when your practitioner, you kind of feel like you have to have your shit together before you can start working with people in the sense that like you want people to think that you are fully recovered from all of the crap in your past. So that you can start working with them because you believe that they will think that you can't help them unless you're all the way there. But honestly like coming. Out and saying like, I did have an eating disorder. I did have you know, I was a perfectionist I do have an autoimmune disease, I'm still working through. All this stuff can be so powerful and can actually allow like you experience more people to start reaching out to you because they realize your raw and open and honest person, and because you've gone through the exact same things that they are going through that you're going to be able to connect with them on such a deeper level than a practitioner who might be a bent tastic practitioner, but hasn't personally gone through this row

autoimmune disease Bernard Brown AIP
"bernard brown" Discussed on WNYC 93.9 FM

WNYC 93.9 FM

01:44 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on WNYC 93.9 FM

"And you you let some dangerous animal follow you back to the cave where we all live kills five people. Then this is the second time you've done that we shun you we humiliate you. Shame. You we push you out of the group you die and we're safer. But. We're not those same human being anymore club each other of the head, which I don't actually if you're anthropologist, and you know, that's not true. You don't need to Email me. I'm just using this as an example. But like, we don't as our capacity our brain capacity for emotion exchange. It's far too. Dangerous of an instrument to us. With Volmer ability. What's interesting is? It's not fear that keeps us from being brave. It's armor. So when we want to do something that's hard, and we're fearful some of us lean into the Volmer ability and the uncertainty in the, you know, the scary part that squishy part of that fear, and we do it. Anyway. While some of us. Look at that fear and armor up we use perfectionism cynicism. You know, having to be the nowhere. We put on armor that keeps us safe. So it's not really look. Most of us are brave enough raid at the exact same time all day long. You know? So it's not fear. That gets in the way. It's what we do when we feel afraid. Do we armor up or do? We lean in my guest is Dr Bernard Brown. We're talking about all of her work. And we'll talk about her Netflix special, the call to courage. Let's take a quick break. We'll meet other side WNYC is supported by the twenty nineteen Montclair film festival may third through the twelfth featuring Jessie, Buckley, Stephen Colbert..

Dr Bernard Brown Stephen Colbert WNYC Netflix Jessie Buckley
"bernard brown" Discussed on WNYC 93.9 FM

WNYC 93.9 FM

03:18 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on WNYC 93.9 FM

"So I feel like vulnerability vulnerability, which apparently cannot say vulnerability is our conduit between shame and courage in this conversation, anyway, so what is the connection for you? And for all of us between vulnerability and courage. So I think here's the here's the rub. Most of us were raised to believe it's important to be courageous and to not be vulnerable because that's weakness. But what is clear in the data? And what's clear, I think in all of our lived experiences is if you look at the definition of vulnerability, which is uncertainty risk and emotional exposure. There is no courage without vulnerability. And we've as tens of thousands of people this question, give me an example of courage in your life from the life of someone else that you've observed one example of courage that did not require uncertainty risk and emotional exposure. And you just can't because that's the nature. If you think you're putting yourself out there, and you feel no uncertainty in no risk. And you're not exposed in any way, you're not really being brave like everything that we do. That's brave in meaningful involves vulnerability. But we are so raised to believe them in the biggest mythology swirling around vulnerability is it. It's weakness. Is that is there some basis in that in in sort of our desire to survive? Yes. Right. Sure. To be something there. There's there's a big they're they're in the same. Shame. Because so if you think about evolutionary biology, and you think about shame. You and I live together in the same tribe. And you you let some dangerous animal follow you back to the cave where we all live kills five people. Then this is the second time you've done that we shun you we humiliate you. We shame. You we push you out of the group you die and we're safer. But. We're not those same human being anymore. And yeah, just like we don't club each other over the head, which I don't actually if you're an anthropologist, and you know, that's not true. You don't need to Email me. I'm just using this as an example. But like, we don't as our capacity, our brain capacity for emotion has changed. It's far too. Dangerous of an instrument to us. With Volmer ability. What's interesting is? It's not fear that keeps us from being brave. It's armor. So when we want to do something that's hard, and we're fearful some of us lean into the vulnerability and the uncertainty in this. You know, the scary part that squishy part of that fear, and we do it. Anyway. While some of us. Look at that fear and armor up we use perfectionism cynicism. You know, having to be the no or we put on armor that keeps us safe. So it's not really look most of us are braving afraid at the exact same time all day long. You know? So it's not fear. That gets in the way, it's what we do. And we feel afraid do we armor up or do? We lean in my guest is Dr Bernard Brown. We're talking about all of her work. And we'll talk about her Netflix special, the call to courage. Let's take a quick break. We'll meet other side WNYC is supported by the twenty nine thousand nine Montclair film festival may third through the twelfth featuring Jessie, Buckley, Stephen Colbert..

Dr Bernard Brown Netflix WNYC Stephen Colbert Jessie Buckley
"bernard brown" Discussed on Zen Parenting Radio

Zen Parenting Radio

05:37 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Zen Parenting Radio

"A bunch of different things that create we're game acumen. Be exactly and that we, you know, sometimes it's being with our children, and then it's being alone. And then it's, you know, having your job that fulfills, you it depends. But I think the thing is is, you know, bringing it back to what our topic was today is permission is trusting what you feel and that forward thinking is normal like and that you can give yourself. I'm trying to think of another word that synonymous with permission like I'll. I'll be very simplistic. I remember Bernard Brown said that before she went on Super Bowl Sunday with Oprah. She was she'd always kind of been such a serious academic, which I know the people who Seabourn Brown now are like, oh, she silly. And she's funny. But that was kind of an evolving situation for her where she used to be very worried about what people thought about her, and she was always very serious. And she said I'm gonna go on Super Bowl Sunday. And I'm going to have a good time and to make sure she did that she literally pulled out a piece of paper and wrote herself a permission slip. You have permission to have a good time on this show. You have you have permission to be yourself? And so it gave her this freedom to go on and just be herself. And I think I did in my meditation area. I just I just saw this this morning again, I forgot that I had written a post it to myself months ago, and it sitting it's kind of hard explain, but I have all these things that I do where I kinda like say a prayer. And I put a post at the said. Yes. You can pray for yourself. I because every time I was going to do a prayer. I thought no you should do this first Todd or your kids or your mom, and I had to like say hydro, right? A permission slip to myself. Right. And how long have we been teaching the airplane metaphor where you take care of yourself? I on the airplane going down. And then you put the mask on your kid, we've been teaching forever. And yet you as he volved forty seven year old woman who's been podcasting for eight years still needs a reminder to take care of yourself. I exactly and that even in something as simple as a prayer that. I am so heavily conditioned to make sure everybody else's. Okay. I that I feel guilty for s- for focusing on me. I even in the quiet of my own mind. Todd think about that no around. No one's in my head. No one knows who I'm praying for I and I had to write myself. Now, the beauty is having that post at their sh- has shifted everything for me. Because now what I'm doing? His rewiring that conditioning that just like Todd said with the metaphor. It doesn't make sense to pray for everybody else. I if I can't show up for them like that makes no sense. But this is why we get all messed up is that we think we like as Al just speak to people who have my similar experience, if you are a mother, and you are part of a family, and then you are miserable. But you're like I need to be miserable for everybody else. You're a nightmare for everybody else if you're miserable. You know, like, so you are you've been conditioned in a way that is actually making things more difficult versus though, you think you're doing a good job. Correct. And that's why I'm saying this with with you know, explaining my own store because I get it. Like, it's I'm not judging you I'm saying, I know that feeling and I still struggle with it quite a bit. But I've also recognized that if I was just doing things because I thought Todd would be proud of me or wouldn't be disappointed in me or Todd would be like then I would be living for Todd. And then Todd wouldn't even have a person to like if I was doing everything you wanted me to do. You wouldn't even have anyone to talk to about there. I would I'd be like vacant. I don't know how to describe that. Do you know what I mean push against someone to push against? Yeah. You know, when I just think, you know, you're sitting there and nobody's watching and you're in your meditation share, and yet you're doing things for other people. Really, you're having a conversation with your ego. Correct. And your ego is trying to play tricks on you. It's very clever, and it's going to say who do you think you are you think that you are more important than your kids or nature or the world? And so and that is kind of are hard wiring like, yes this ego. And you don't try to shut your ego. You're the voice inside your head down. You try to. You know, at least acknowledge, hey, this is not who I am. This is this clever little ego. That's trying to tell me that. I'm not enough. And you don't tell to shut up you say. Oh, there you are. And that's it you live here. Yeah. Yeah. You're you're part of me your pardon me. And you know, noted now, let's now going to pray for myself, isn't it so interesting? I so Todd loves Michael singer. If you guys know that, but he he's the bomb. He wrote the untethered soul and Todd when he wakes up the mail the night. Hell listen to his like, I'll go to sleep. I'll fall asleep listening to his voice. It's just soothing to me much less the content of his words. Yes. So he loves him. And I want to read you something from Oprah's book that he said, and you probably have heard this. Because again, he said this is interview. But again reading it is so powerful to me. So he says, you know to your point about the ego. The moment it starts the brain starts at that chitter chatter. My first reaction inside is to relax. I love this relax and lean away. Way I lean away from the noise the mind is making because you're gonna do one or two things. Once it starts either going to lean into it and get involved and

Todd Oprah Seabourn Brown Bernard Brown Al Michael singer forty seven year eight years
"bernard brown" Discussed on Let's Talk About It with Taylor Nolan

Let's Talk About It with Taylor Nolan

05:25 min | 3 years ago

"bernard brown" Discussed on Let's Talk About It with Taylor Nolan

"So I wouldn't say it was like I was faking it, but I was blind to some opportunities and instill in a lot of ways to like go deep dark to then go like high in bright intentionally purposefully. I'm really happy that you just went there because I was kind of my follow up question that I had been thinking about as we discussed gratitude and kind of just this like overall positive outlook. And I think there's a lot out there. That's like just think positively in your day. We'll go great. And for me personally. And even in my work. I'm kind of like, I don't think that's a good thing to do. I think there are moments where that can be really beneficial. But you're absolutely right. When you you know, there's I think there's a way that you can cope with negative thoughts negative experiences in a way that's going to be healthy and positive, and maybe that you can kind of move on from something painful, perhaps more quickly. But I think to just push that aside and be like, Nope. Not even going to address it not even going to look at it. Just gonna move forward can be really really damaging. Because essentially what that does is it. It pushes it down and that pain still occurred. You know, that that's still that like gut reaction that that feeling still came up for you, and without giving it a chance to present or to process and understand why that came up, and you know, how it made you feel and why it made you feel that way it's going to continue to happen energy. It's just gonna sit there you might think that you've like pushed away, and you're just thinking positively, but that's still going to be there on resolved. Right. Yeah. And a near speaking someone you has a lot of digestion issues. Got gut related. Yep. Because well, a variety of reasons, but also liking sure sunny, happy upbeat, positive motivational. And then that decision making center known as the gut. Well, it can't lie. So it's all it's all balanced somewhere in the body. Yeah. And I don't think that there's anything wrong with having a negative thought or feeling low about something like those are all their natural things. And you hit on a point that very happy that you did where you realize that you weren't able to really feel the high. If you weren't letting yourself feel the lows as well and something Bernard Brown and my favorite. Researchers says that you know, you cannot selectively numb when you numb the hard feelings. You're also directly numbing being able to feel joy and being able to feel happiness and love because you can't selectively numb them. So yourself to feel the painful things is also then allowing you to perhaps in a more clear way experience and absorb the positivity in the love and the appreciation. Have you ever heard of? I think it's a poem. I think it's called like the room or something. It's all good emotions. It's very short poem. It's like eight lines. Have you heard of this? Now, I don't think so do you know off the top head? I I don't but I'm sitting in front of a labs. I can bring it up in like two seconds allergy or if I can't just paraphrase it, I think I'm Bill to grab it. I found it. I think I might have founded. Cleese hold for ten seconds of internet discovery. Yeah. It looks like it didn't work took me to some sketchy poetry site. Yes, we'll find the link for it and will link it in the episode notes. But I get this sense of what you're saying. The poem is if you up, oh here, we go. Okay. So I think this is it. This is called the guest house. This is the one K. So it says this being human is a guest house every morning new arrival Ajoy, a depression Amine, nece, some momentary awareness comes as unexpected visitor. Welcome in entertain them. All even if they're crowd of Soro's who violently sweep your host empty of its furniture, still treat each guest. Honorably? He or she may be clearing you out for some new delight the dark thought the shame. The malice meet them at the door, laughing and invite them all in be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. Oh, Mike dry. That's amazing. Yeah. Okay. We're definitely linking that link somewhere and episode to reference to that. Yeah. That's amazing. You have to like stay open to all of the things..

Soro Bernard Brown Mike dry Cleese Ajoy Amine ten seconds two seconds one K