11 Burst results for "Ben Walden"

"ben walden" Discussed on Something to Wrestle with Bruce Prichard

Something to Wrestle with Bruce Prichard

06:32 min | 11 months ago

"ben walden" Discussed on Something to Wrestle with Bruce Prichard

"Just very intense. Yeah and sometimes it's a judgment call in in. That's i'm not sure that the best judge what was used in that regard all right. Well bruce we finally made it. It's the main event match. It steve austin retaining the wwf title. In a three way over. chris. Jericho and chris benoi. This one went twenty seven minutes fifty two seconds again very hard work from all three performers. That had several spots where one person would be injured to make it one on one for several minutes and then just as somebody was beaten to third guy would revive the make a save. Jericho got austin in the walls. But ben saved. Ben walden suplex jericho over the top to the floor. Earl hefner got bumped and ben wa hit austin with a stunner but no raff benoi had austin with the title belt but jericho recovered for the save. Jericho posted ben wa here. This left austin versus jericho and they struggled for boston. Crabs ben wassall being injured leading to austin versus jericho. Benoi ended up recovering and went to hit austin with a chair but he ducked and jericho got hit. Isn't that screw up spot. A he'll spot. Guess not look at it there. You go austin. Gave benoit's stunner to injure him again. Austin gave jericho to sue perplexes off the top rope ben wa recovered and then austin five german suplexes before austin delivered a low blow jericho. Put the walls on austin in the middle of the ring. Instead of benoit's saving he put the cross face on and austin tapped being that a precedent had been set when undertaker and kane both beat austin and a similar three way on paper view a few years ago. This was stunning but not so fast. Even though that was an acceptable finish on pay per view a few years ago and on tv as recently as monday it was an illegal double team so hefner ordered the match to continue. Then we see the big running here. Booker t. shows up out of the crowd throws austin through a table. Booker got excited and threw them too. Far in austin tried to protect themselves as part of his body overshot the table and in doing so injured his hand. Jericho got the walls on ben wa but a rope break. Jericho slipped on the ropes and screwed up alliance salt spot on ben wa jericho and benoit's screwed up a second spot due to miscommunication jericho attacked awesome with wood and austin sold like he was knocked out. Jericho gave austin moon saw but ben wa saved. Ben wanted the diving. Headbutt on austin but jericho pooled hefner out ben while then gave jericho a backward super. All three guys laid on the mat and dramatic face fashion with all the odds against them to wrestlers all with wcw. And even vince mcmahon deserting him draped his arm over ben wa- for the pin with ben wa being injured and out of action all summer the only logical finish was for him to be the one pinned the rating on this one. Three and three quarter stars a lot going on with this one. Bruce booker. t. debuts and hurts steve. Ben wa goes through the match with an injury but disappears right after jericho doesn't win and right after this is where we are right into the wcw launch. What did you think of this match. And do you think it made sense booker. Coming out was great. Debut for booker. Unfortunately steve got hurt that whole exchange again accidental and lot was made of nothing in that. And that's where you know people the rumor and innuendo and bullshit stars but as far as stayed going over. I think that by this point here you are. You don't have triple h and you're looking at all right. Is this good work and realizing when you're counting sides now we're going to need some help on the other side. Somebody's gotta jump ship. Somebody's got do something. You've got to give them something. They're used to on the other side for to even have any hope of succeeding so really truly. It was the only finish. It was the only thing you can do so yeah i thought it was great if i was an excellent match those three i mean brought it and that's kind of where where we ended up. Yeah something to wrestle gear. Bruce prichard dot com and checkout box gimmicks dot com. The officials something to wrestle store where you can find gimmicks for yourself or the fan in your life you items added weekly now again a big time show here again. That's going to always be remembered for that That mashed between kurt angle and shane. What was your overall opinion of this This car bursts thumbs up thumbs in the middle thumbs down. Where where do you land love. It was a helmet show little brutal for my tastes in the middle. Shane amac But i thought overall i thought it was very good especially we kind of reflect back on where we were where we wanted to be in the cards. We were dealt a top pill swallow well and you get edge right. He wins king of the ring. And you know some of that stuff types goes onto propel him and what he's going to do in his career see talk about beautiful building future stars. That's certainly something that someone wants to have. You know is nice to have i guess. In their background as they move forward in their career angle. Peru's after seven months. He's a stud Three big time matches all on this card and then just the story that we all talk about. And that's the broken hand with austin and booker. t's first debut and kinda what that lent him to in the back with the folks so lots of interesting matches stories. And i guess is the way that you look at that car too. I it to me. It was a very enjoyable Pay per view great. Glad you agree. Cooper all right there we go well. Let's get to some fan questions before we wrap this one up. Bruce ryan austin writes in and says if i'm not mistaking bruce said vince was so hot. He was ready to fire. Bruce over the shane and current match by the time by this time. How many times was bruce almost fired. At this point you bring first of all. He wasn't almost gonna fire me. Just wanted to kill me but the funny thing is is that you know. They're often times where i'd only been fired. One time at the time it at this time and this would would always get confused. Sometimes are how many times you've been fired. Because it was actually referring. Because jim ross had been hired and fired refire hard refired like four or five times. I really don't know what the count is. Jared byron four times what whatever it was contract was renewed. He'd be brought back. He was fired. He was brought back inspired. I don't know.

ben wa austin jericho Jericho benoit chris benoi Ben walden suplex jericho Earl hefner raff benoi ben wassall Benoi sue perplexes hefner Booker ben wa jericho austin moon wcw booker
"ben walden" Discussed on Design Speaks

Design Speaks

02:35 min | 2 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on Design Speaks

"Be pretty stale of everyone just following each other. Oh I I agree totally. Yeah so I'm always asking for for new and exciting people to follow that are not designers and also another person first one other person which he is desired by somebody know would probably know. His name is He's also London as the the Ben Walden Ben Logging so yeah L. O. N. G. E. N. O.. Kennedy's the digital digital design director of the Guardian. ooh I love the Guardians Design and I had the pleasure of attending a adobe at. It's nightside event in London earlier. This fall fall where he was awarded the speakers there. Okay lovely so those are. That's a one person that I find interesting. Hey those are great. Thank you and last question. This this maybe I'll stump you on this on. You've been pretty good so far. How do you want to be remembered? Oh I think you you did it I don't I don't need anything grant. I don't need anything bold. But if anything she follows corrode pass just as she is so something. I just because I know I've always been outlined. I've always done what you know. The traditional Catholic anything in one's life even dating kills toddler pre K.. So set the direction for your life yes but just making can cultural change and supporting creative's because at the end of the day I watch inspire able crater soap all their story. That's all Vanessa. Thank you so much for joining us. Today it's been a pleasure to finally actually have a a real word to word conversation with our voices they like to face. I wasn't I wasn't quite prepared for our face to face time thing also voices are good too. Yes just trestle Scott the next best thing to To coffee so we'll do that next time. Definitely all right. Well you have a good night Anki Gates Brandon. I have to break holiday no matter where you ooh..

London Ben Walden L. O. N. G. E. N. O design director Kennedy
"ben walden" Discussed on Thoroughbred Racing Radio Network

Thoroughbred Racing Radio Network

11:07 min | 2 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on Thoroughbred Racing Radio Network

"I can't believe I used to give the quarter horse jockeys instructions. I mean just held on. Don't fall off what you'd go back to the the the transition and starting to get your hands on thoroughbreds and what did you find that you ended up needing to learn and what surprised you about thoroughbreds that that you didn't expect well I mean they're you know they have to train basically every day or quarterhorse once you get fit. You don't have to do to keep them fed. Welcome you Gals Alpha. Maybe every other day little easy heathen sharp heating sound gotta keep them really. Sounds corridors. Is You have to keep them very very SAM. Because if they're not if they're if they're something's bugging them they won't break and if they don't break it's over it's over it's over so you have to really keep them really healthy in a thoroughbred you know you have to track them every day. And then there's the handicap you have to handicap your horse distances as you know that was the hardest part. Is You sprinter. Does he wanted to go along. Does he wanted to do this. And that so you know it took me. I'm I'm still learning. I'm still learning to this day and But one of these days I'm going to figure it out completely but I'm not there yet but seems like a pretty close one of those things where it was just traveling there. I never worked for anybody if I could have gone to work for. Somebody would've jumped jump. Start of my So I I just started on my own and it was just listening to people but it may have also so it. The the the flip side of that is you basically were a blank slate. As opposed to having somebody who's WHO's angle on on horses says colors your approach and stamps your approach you basically were a blank slate and you started to add the information. How long did it take you due to begin to understand the physical differences you know in terms of in terms of stride length of body the way a thoroughbred grows and changes as they age? Well I mean to me I think what brought into is I. I had a lot of good luck. Mind my own quarter horses and so I went to the sales. I remember the first time I thought. Wow Man I saw the beautiful ones and I I see a pretty one you know and follow them up there and I had the budget twenty thousand for how many for one okay for one. All right I'd go up there at thing would bring three or four hundred thousand. This is crazy. These these people are crazy thinking about you know something like back in for twenty thousand a great quarterhorse so this went on for three days. Just I was getting so book one book two but to finally I think we got to about book three. I see this big Grey Long Body Beautiful Stout Horse uh-huh and I remember this. There was a guy they used to be in the quarter horse. He was my engine Afar mayor and he looks at me. Says Hey baffert those. Those aren't the type you want. It's a dude I have. I'm sticking with what I like. And before that I went to I went to to Claiborne claiborne farms. And I want to look at all the stallions to see. Get an idea. I saw secretary at I wanted to see him and he uses big shoulder his neck big deep heart girth but he didn't have much of a hind really really and I really like. Wow you know. It's not really expect it. No I saw spectacular bid. He's a nice looking but light. Really light bone beautiful. It's confirmation long neck bone and then I liked the Jansky the second I don't like him at all. He was to therapy for me as I used to say to light and then I saw Mr Prospector. Look pretty good. But he's a little bit. You know upright shoulder little straight or something. I remember he was all right but the horse they brought out that I love is dancing handzic when they brought him out. That's me right there. So that's what I that I stuck to so so all of a sudden I see great horse and I and he's beautiful. I follow them up the head this guy with me this quarter horse owner and was sitting there and we start bidding. We'll get up to twenty and somebody hits them at twenty. Want to come on. Dude you gotta hit them known twenties. It's all I'll go. I said come on. Hit Him at twenty one he's at you'll hit twenty two and he says you know what I said if you love them so much you have a lot of big other owners want you buying for them so when he said that he sort of got me like uh mad. Yeah so I hit him right so I hit him again. Twenty five twenty six probably twenty nine so I was like Ah I hit him at thirty and hit thirty Steve. I said please somebody hit him please. I you didn't want it at that point. I don't know how many who am I going to sell this horse. I'm I'm I'm scared. Funny Thirty thirty thirty soul right there and all man they brought the pat over you got to fill it out. I feel that thing. Hang out. Put my address you know name with the firstborn everything I filled out the whole thing and I'm shaking my shaking. I write my name get up right away I gotta go get a better look at this horse more. I'm walking out. I'm going by there and I see that. Same guys back nieces BAFFERT. Don't tell Um you bought that horse. I said Yeah I got him he said so I go down there and I'm looking at him and there was a guy from. He was trainer from CORREDOR. Strange from Texas there was there waiting at the barn. I run into him. Hey what are you doing your odds waiting to see. They've bought this horseback and I'm going to see an offer him something so I go take it. Can I see the grey horse out here. Please just sold. He said Oh. You're looking at him too. I says I bought them. Wow he said it. Was Ben Walden that I bought them for him and he goes I. Oh he told me he's going to bring sixty thousand so I didn't bid on him. I've gone for thirty and I'll tell you what I don't have a buyer for him but if you give me a thousand dollars I'll give you the ticket. I told him and he says No. It's okay so so then I got now. And then all of a sudden I started getting paged Bob Baffert. Please come to the to the main office so I go up there and I go. Excuse me I've just got paid like Sir. You just bought a purchase a horse and you don't have credit here. Well I'm here. I'M A my name. Is Bob Baffert. I'M A victoires train. We don't care we need you need. We need to call they. Luckily I took a check with me always had carried a check with me all right all right. All right you check right now says we'll sir we have to call your bank. Make sure this check. I barely had enough money to cover it. It's like thirty two thousand. Oh that's great. They put they put a stop on that. They they grab that money right there so this is nice. And then I I call I. Call all Heller Nhar and I made a mistake. He was he didn't answer and I talked to his wife. I said I bought this. Fourth of thirty thousand even should have just waited so by the time I call them back. That's what the payphone had to get on the pay phone and so then I called back. You know he tells me later later finally I I call them back. You Know I. It's it's just too it's too much. I can't do it now this stuff if I wanted to talk to him. Yeah she she you know she already. The fix was at the fix. Should I made a mistake. And so So I'm coming back and arty already Hubbard. He'd give me a ride his plane from Los Alamos and he's going back so I says when I go back I'll go back with you. I was on. This is a profit if it deal for me. I was on a super low budget. So he's and he goes. He Goes Maverick. Did you buy anything thing. I said matter of fact I did have an owner. I said we're GONNA take half off half of it already. Paid for them. I had to pay for them right away. But I got you know might get a took all my savings out of that thing and so And he looks at the pedigree and bring the pedigree he's bice loopy Out of hatchet-man mayor in so. But you know it's funny. I told Jimmy bail after I bought them. I went to John Bell Farm. I hadn't seen Jimmy Bell in fifteen years since since since you've ain't yeah so I said you buy anything. Yes matter of fact I did and I opened up my wallet and I had the page folded up in my wallet. I bought this horse right here. He says wow while he says we stand sloop. He's right here really. I said and he wasn't doing that. Well you know no kidding. I told WOW and marries him. I didn't even. I didn't even notice the pedigree I didn't even look for pedigree didn't mean it was the body the physical. It's a hatchet man. I'll be when we were going to school. My we got radios member. Sure sure well I was. I was I was went to his house and he had a blood horse on his table and there was a horse. Called Hatchet man was on the cover. I said you know what that's going to be my CB handle hatchet man and into this day. Jimmy bill he calls match it a hatchet. What's going on? It's great so I go. He's out of the hatchet man mirror and sloop his. This horse force has to be a runner. I'm telling you I believe in that stuff and sure enough. It was thirty sloughs. British unbelievable got him. I'm home I I I I sent him right to Los Alameda then telling me and I cut him up with my quarter horse owners and I kept the peace and Mike take a piece and we win the Breeders Cup sprint with him. That's unbelievable unbelievable. What am I yelled at him immediately? You know so uh what horse but you know what he taught me a lot. I mean he was a really good horse and I wasn't really ready for a horse like that and I almost throwing them. He was trying to put them on the Derby trail there and all that stuff but he was a he was a really good sprinter. Big Beautiful Horse and and you say that you weren't ready quote unquote and there. There is a there from him. There is a little bit of a lag. Before you start to you start to you really sent out a sequence of top horses classic horses and every other kind of stay course Bob Louis in the year before that I went to the Breeders Cup. I took Soviets adjourned Charlie's Churchill. And she was she was she was tailing off on me. And I didn't know what I was. You know what I I look back..

Bob Baffert Claiborne claiborne farms Texas Afar Ben Walden secretary Mr Prospector Jimmy Bell Bob Louis Charlie's Churchill Breeders Cup Los Alameda John Bell Farm Um Steve Heller Nhar Jimmy bill Jimmy Los Alamos Hubbard
"ben walden" Discussed on The Longest Shortest Time

The Longest Shortest Time

09:40 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on The Longest Shortest Time

"Link to my website. So you can see something of who. I am. Thank you, Danny which you've been okay if he never wrote back. Nope. Based on similarities in the video the proximity between the institute and the medical school and the years been Walden studied there Danny was fairly certain this was her father. But when Ben Walden would have donated sperm in nineteen sixty one he would have been promised anonymity. Nineteen sixty one was only nine years after Watson and Crick had discovered. DNA? It would have been hard to imagine a future where for the price. A nice birthday dinner. You could spit into a vial and get back your entire genetic heritage. But that Email the greatest surprise of Danny's life had become his Danny wanted to things from Ben Walden. First to know her family medical history. Then she wanted him to take a DNA test just to make this all feel real. She had those two things she felt like she could move forward in her life. But ultimately, I wanted more. And this is something that was true for me that I'm also hearing the same language repeated almost exactly by other people. I wanted to look him in the is Danny already knew she wanted to write about this the next day. She wandered into the depend center next to their hotel where she spent an hour looking through the stationery store for the perfect notebook. She came home instead with note cards, her life was now in fragments and this is how she planned to piece it back together, Danny and her husband finished. Their trip, flew home to Connecticut. Benjamin Walden still hadn't replied, Danny started to take his silence as a confession. But I wasn't sure. Because it also he was seventy eight years old. Maybe didn't check his Email very often. Maybe he was out of town. Maybe he was infirm. I didn't know which is why I sent the nudge always send an edge. Ben Walden replied, dear MS Shapiro. I apologize for the delay answering. We were out of town. Plus, it's taking some time to process the information. You sent Danny read that part as an admission if that Email it landed somehow in the inbox of someone who was like what? No, I was never a sperm donor. This is insane. What are you talking about? It went on. I shared this with my wife, and we are thinking this over we now reside in a retirement community and are enjoying or children and grandchildren. If you wish to send more information will be glad to review. It best regards Ben Walden. What did you take from that Email? He wanted to make sure that I was not. Disruptive, and I never had any intention of being disruptive. But these are relationships that don't have any playbook over their next few exchanges. Danny asked to meet fly out to Portland for a quick Cup of coffee. But again, it was a long delay before Ben replied, he said when he donated sperm at twenty two he'd been promised anonymity that he visited her website and could see she was a very talented writer. But then he said this point in my life. I don't have the time energy or interest to pursue this further than please. Believe me, I empathize with your quest understand your genetic history. But this is going to be my final communication, Danny closed her laptop. She was trembling. What was it like to get that Email? I mean, initially my feeling was some combination of disappointment rage and also kind of beliefs. It wasn't the end of the story Danny decided not to reply. She wanted Ben's own words echo in his ears, which she believed they might even though she didn't know him there ply haven't sounded like him. Which is a weird thing to say about someone who's a total stranger. He actually has a very gentle and thoughtful quality, and this tone was harsher than any of his other notes to me, and it felt like he was slamming the door really quickly and really hard. So that maybe it wouldn't open again. Then I Danny got a little tipsy up to dinner with friends came home late in a mood to write. I opened a file on my computer, titled imaginary responses, and I just started writing Madge Inari response number one then for the rest of my life, and I look in the mirror. I will see your face. I'm sure you've noted the resemblance is more than striking would have been nice to felt better about the face staring back at me. Matched response. Number two. I'm sure you have your reasons and can justify them to yourself. You're doing something cruel and inhumane, not taking responsibility for something that, Hugh, in fact did. In the intervening weeks. Ben Walden's daughter, followed Danny on Twitter. Danny followed back felt like silently waving at each other. Hey, I see you. And then came another Email from Ben subject line. Second thoughts. He and his wife had an east coast trip planned in six weeks, and he asked if Danny would like to meet them for lunch in New Jersey, and one of the touching things that litter was that he he wrote that he felt that it might be important to both of us to make real somehow this biological connection that we had he wasn't lying at my feet. He wasn't saying I'm doing you a favor in any way the day. They picked was brave Yom Kippur one of the holiest days of the year. Judaism Denny wrote lunch with Ben onto a calendar. Just reading this gave her a jolt. Ben Walden was now more easily sharing personal details that he preferred Italian food to creek that he wants worked a summer in Trenton and his cell phone number. Danny fixated on every detail of the lunch found at tiny Italian restaurant. One with thick leather menus checkered tape. Oh cloth. And she sent her friend to scout it out so she could reserve the perfect secluded corner table when they met on the sidewalk outside Danny shook Ben's hand Dini to a passer by the four of them would have looked like a family, then took an awkward half step toward her in a voice. She describes a fragment from remembered dream said. We'll be all right to give you a hug, we all boned up on each other. Like, we all my husband had written a book years ago about foreign aid. They had read the book they had read several of my memoirs, they had looked up enough about my husband to know. He had been in the peace corps, and my biological father had been in the peace corps. And so they came all of us really came armed with conversational points. In case we needed them. Danny. I emailed Ben he deleted it from his inbox like a hot potato Bennett donated sperm for a short while and hadn't thought about it since finishing medical school. Then he would later consider. How do you not think about that as professor of medical ethics, but wondered if our parents did the same thing all three of them bearing the consequences of their actions? So deep it seem there weren't any. I mean, my legs were shaking under the table. The entire time. It wasn't. I never. Relaxed. I was hyper conscious of sitting at a table with the man who I come from. And it was very very obvious at that was the case, we look alike are gestures are similar. There's a quality to each of us that does feel familial almost couldn't bear looking at him for very long. The fun outside was going down. The wait staff setting up the restaurant for dinner and outside nearby. Synagogues were filling up with congregants remembering their dead preparing to fast. Ben pull out his phone and ask Danny if she'd like to see a photo of his ancestors in one a couple stands in front of a farmhouse. She's an a flower dress, Ben says, my parents at home in Ohio. Danny thinks of the grandparents she knew imposing bald man with the Mika the Rica woman with her hair pulled tightly back Danny pulled out a photo of her son looking tan. Can an awful lot. Like, Ben one of the things that also was clear to me, maybe not sitting there. But in the days after was that he wasn't my father. You know, he didn't feel like my father. He felt like the man I came from. He felt you know, the expression cut from the same cloth. That is what it felt like, and I had never experienced that. Because ironically, I did not have that with my mother, even though she was my biological mother. I never felt cut it from the same cloth as she and night. I didn't look like her and much more than physicality. I just was so different from her. And I didn't have it with my father as much as we loved each other. I did not have that sense of the familiar and the familial with him. And I did have it with this man that I was meeting for the first time. Later.

Danny Ben Walden Benjamin Walden peace corps Watson Connecticut Crick Yom Kippur Trenton New Jersey Hugh Portland writer Ohio professor Denny Dini MS Shapiro Bennett
"ben walden" Discussed on The Longest Shortest Time

The Longest Shortest Time

06:36 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on The Longest Shortest Time

"Bangash time is brought to you by Panama City Beach, Florida, Amy Trudeau, Scott, you had it the show. Don't you wish we were at the beach right now? Yes, speeches totally the best your daughter, even wrote a thong and celebration of beaches. She did while I tell you about all the wonders of Panama City Beach, Florida. Do you think you could sing a little of this? I'll try with the chorus because it's the easiest to remember. We're hatha beach beach, Picchi BTV beach. Be imagined funnier day doing all the things you love in the setting of sugar white beaches turquoise waters? Head to Panama City beach to discover endless family, fun heart pounding thrills EKO adventure. N romance, Panama City beach, you can get up close to dolphins in their natural habitat on a boat tour, you can try out paddle boarding or you can just lounge under an umbrella and make up a really fun song for the beach. Traditionalist and the adventurous as well. It sounds like make. Get yours. Make it Panama City beach, your real fun beach plan your escape now at visit Panama City beach dot com. Amy, Jo Scott. What's the best milk? It's simple. It's wholesome enhances. Some of life's most loved moments who in your family is really into milk. Definitely my son is one of the few things he will of nutritional value and substance that he will imbibe wait. So how much of his diet has these days? I mean, it's a regular part of every meal. You know, he comes out in the morning. First thing he is the first one up, and he is not happy until he gets his milk. What what does percentage, you know, used to be whole? But he has graduated to two percents milk has nine essential nutrients kids need with the taste kids. Love. Also, the does the magic power to transform grumpy morning monster boy into my son, they should really add that to the labeling and the other thing that's great about milk is it can bring your family. Whether you can share some of your most real moments with something that the whole family loves, which is real delicious milk, head to milk life dot com for more. And we're back so Danny's in San Francisco now with her husband, Michael if only been thirty six hours since getting her Dini results, and now in the hotel room, they have the name of her likely biological father his name, which has been changed for the book is Benjamin Walden. Danny's husband kicks off the shoes and they bounce a laptop between them on the hotel bed while he browse his website. Then Walden is a retired physician and professor of medical ethics. They click on a YouTube video of him in the classroom. Giving the lecture. Here's Dani recalling the scene. Read from her memoir. Inheritance, an old man with white hair. And blue eyes was standing at electron. My god. I was spurred time slowed to a near standstill. I couldn't compute what I was seeing. Or rather who I was seeing the man was wearing khakis a blue button down shirt and a fleece vest. He had a pale complexion. But his cheeks were pink his color. Hi, my exact coloring somewhere in the background the comments. I had fielded just about every day for fifty four years, you sure, you're Jewish. There's no way you're Jewish. Did your mother have an affair with the Swedish milkman, I saw my jaw my nose my forehead. And is I heard something familiar in the timbre of his voice? It wasn't merely a resemblance. It was a quality the way he held himself his pattern of speech. He was recommending a book to the audience a will go onto is being mortal. He referenced an article in the union, I had the bizarre thought that he had good literary taste. I ran my hands down the length of my legs. Who was I what was I I felt as if I might disintegrate right there in that hotel room floating high above the city. This wasn't what I wanted to see. But now that I had seen it. I would never be able to see it Dr Ben Walden. His name continued. To appear beneath electron the glint of eyeglasses. A wedding ring. Michael raised the volume the man's voice. Moved through me and around me like something invisible. Stitched into the air in just a moment. I'll open it up to questions. Jesus Michael was saying Jesus Christ. Now, Ben Walden was just waiting. He held both his hands in front of him. As if bracketing the air in parentheses, a gesture that I suddenly recognized as my own I knew in a place beyond thought that what I was seeing was the truth the answer to the unanswerable questions. I have been exploring all my life. The audience in Portland was now raising their hands. He called on someone in the back row then nodded smiling slightly as he listened. Do. You see that I asked Michael the way he's he even runs a in. Like, you Michael said. You made the decision to write to him which I feel like sitting down to write that Email would have been impossible. But you did it quick. Yeah. It wasn't like a decision. There was this journalist acquaintance of ours. Who is helping us out in figuring out of the finding of Ben Walden. And she was on the speakerphone actually at the moment that we did find him. And I think I must have said something about while. I'm gonna write them and she said, well, you know, there are templates for this sort of thing. And I just remember I was in a surreal state. But within that Suryadi my mind was so sharp. I think probably in that kind of survival kind of way. I mean, I was like I'm a writer. I mean, I can write a really mean Email Danny imagined a stately seventy eight year old retired physician in Portland Oregon sitting down to check Z male do doctoral Walden. I'm writing to you about something that may come as a shock. My name is Danny. Piero and I am a fifty four year old novelist as wife and mother of a seventeen year old son. I recently took a DNA test as nothing more than a lark. I have always believed my parents to be my biological parents. But now, I have reason to believe that you may be my biological father. I won't write more unless a this makes sense to you. And be you're willing to communicate with me about it. I so hope you're willing. I'm going to send you a link

Panama City Beach Dr Ben Walden Michael Danny Amy Trudeau Benjamin Walden Portland Panama City Picchi BTV Jo Scott Florida EKO YouTube Piero Oregon professor Dini Suryadi writer
"ben walden" Discussed on WZFG The Flag 1100AM

WZFG The Flag 1100AM

05:07 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on WZFG The Flag 1100AM

"Year after Michigan state tournament altogether. Davies has now put together one of the best revenge tour fueled runs I have seen in the capital of the ways. The only eagles fans expected coming into the season with the state championship. But they have a hole to dig themselves out of a two minutes and thirty nine seconds remaining. In this first half on the Muller insurance scoreboard, h trail number one Jamestown, thirty one to thirteen eighteen point discrepancy between the two nineteen point lead has been the largest for James down here in this first step as they had been on absolute fire, especially from distance five made threes for Jamestown. Meanwhile, the team that a shot at forty percent from beyond the arc throughout this entire state tournament Davies is just two of seven for behind the line. Game-high swore feeding playboy low at hand ban has just four meanwhile, scum. Berg early on the bench with foul. Trouble has a game-high ten for the Blue Jays. Eighteen point lead for Jamestown new inbounds, the nearside. It's doughty backup Dr wagon in off. The media timeout has his Jaden Russa Davies eagles he joins van Damme. Macho Baker Klay boat driving inside his call back on ruse with the shot clock winding down. He pulled up air it. Look it hit the rim. Fresh shock clock. Ball on the fourth Walters, dining Ford, along with lots of Baker and blue and white jerseys all over the hardwood. Here's the Bismarck event center jump ball is called. Well, you could feel the tension before the game here inside a packed arena. To our back. The cardinal red and Vegas. Gold to the forest side of the court. The Royal blue white and silver Jamestown Rene special fresh shot clock to twenty on the game clock. First-half Columbine takes the inbound to the nearside out between the rings ruse right on top of him man-to-man defense between both teams says he hands off to mosier circles. Now leaves a for doughty left tangible to the elbow now. Backups out the Walters. He's got three point range since Windsor right promoter at an open. Look at it wanted a drops it off to Walter's the right side turns around looking to spin a shot up. He does. So and softly rolls. It in Mason. Walter just dirt six points in the Blue Jays are up by game-high twenty thirty three thirteen hundred two to play first half and eighty s in his first half has gotten ran out of the gym macho maker pulls up at the elbow drains. It response they need they follow their senior captain him onto Baker one of the scoring leaders in the seat is year trying to stop that scoring drought. Always puts a halt and the Jamestown seven oh Romney's last two minutes. Left wing now for doughty drives the baseline bounce pass inside ripped away stolen by van Damme. Davies trying to turn defense and offense. They haven't done of as far van Damme in between the circles either from Baker. He's got plenty arrange pulls up deep from thirty six. Five run all by himself. Imagine Baker polls Davies within fifteen thirty three eighteen one minute to play. I tap caller back along the left wing drops it inside Stornoway by Vandamme. They're looking for Walter's the ball trip along the baseline and taking my Matsen Baker into the park. Forty comes behind him. Actual moving the top of the key finds an outbreak. Label left wing pump fake drives inside a Walters. It's been shot up. It's short under minute. The plane Allen Jamestown will try and slow the pace. Leading thirty three eighteen dollar insurance scoreboard at first half the class a state tournament championship round. Tangible up talk the doughty along the left wing looking for a cutter. Nowhere to go finds regen ask the left the top thought about a three nestlings at right wing promotion drops at baseline here for Walter's. The double team comes immediately six foot. Eight senior cross-court pass left-wing Downey three on the way. Long miss off the back to the of rebound put back is there for Noah wagons. Thirty five eighteen now a last second shot Sanford Davies Anita bucket in the worst gun away to try and go into the locker with some sort of momentum. China the shot clock. Lots of maker dribbling on the outside pick and roll game. Klebo Klebo didn't see it there. Six o'clock. Go returns. He's in between the circles tries to drive inside a wagon Baker in the corner doesn't see the shot clock. The horn blows heats reigns. The shot, but not before whistle was caught on the far side of the court by Ben Walden. There's going to be a foul, and it looks like to go against Jamestown. They're gonna attack call Lombok with his first personal fourteen Foulon Jamestown. Now the question is how much time was on the clock. They're gonna put a fourth of a second left label. We'll get to imbalance. A Davies Elise has the chance to hoist a jump shot. What kind of in the west side? Official waiting to blow the whistle to officially grant the basketball to Claiborne Davis is already in the middle of their set. They do. So now finds name underneath hook away by Walters, and we headed in the half Jamestown infirm command of the glass as state championship thirty five eighteen seventeen point deficit for Davies back in a moment with a Cussing express car wash. Halftime report live at the Bismarck, events, enter my name is ever Giddings in. You're tuned into AM eleven hundred the flag WC f g. What does it mean to be in good hands and means to get an expert agent who's in for the long haul? We'll get to know you and be there for you..

Jaden Russa Davies Matsen Baker Walters Jamestown Walter van Damme doughty Davies Elise Blue Jays Allen Jamestown Foulon Jamestown Baker Klay Sanford Davies Michigan eagles Berg Muller Dr wagon Bismarck event center Vegas
"ben walden" Discussed on On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts

On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts

02:22 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts

"Dad who raised me and who loved me into being and i come from ben walden and have certain traits and characteristics that that that come from him and an all of that has got guess it took a village you know all of that has gone into making me and also making this discovery i mean people will sometimes now say to me you know do you wish you hadn't known i can't wish that i hadn't known because it explains so much i mean my sense of otherness as a child that we were talking about i i understand it now it makes sense to me and so that is an enormously liberating thing to have all of the pieces of the puzzle we have about a minute here are so been in half left ago there were a lot of callers and i'm sorry callers that i didn't get to but this is something that's happening to a lot of people out there i i have a friend who recently went through this whose mother discovered that she had a sister she never knew about how would you what advice would you give to people who may be on the precipice of making enormous discovers about themselves and their families i think partly to know that you're not alone there are so many i mean last year twelve million people but these kits and two percent of them to make this discovery of you know the non-parental discovery or some version version of that so there hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people who are contending with this because i think in the moment of discovery it's a feeling of being very much alone of being sort of alien and other and somehow freakish that that you know that that that one was so wrong about something as a central as family and and there really is a world of people out there who are making these kinds of discoveries will danny shapiro author of many books including her latest which is called inheritance a memoir of genealogy paternity and love we have an excerpt of it at on point radio dot org janney it has been a great pleasure to speak with you thank you so much thank you magnetic so enjoyed it on point is produced by annabelle men brian hartson ski eileen amata stefan could sodas alison poli james ross and alex schroeder with help from matt heus seal kibi david marino and alex payne our executive producer is karen shiffman i'm magnitude bardy this is on point.

ben walden stefan james ross alex schroeder executive producer danny shapiro matt heus david marino alex payne karen shiffman two percent
"ben walden" Discussed on On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts

On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts

04:55 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts

"Ben a man of medicine who specialized in medical ethics head never considered that he might have biological children i will sink of the three of them my mother my father ben walden all burying the consequences of their actions so deep that it seemed there weren't any consequences at all but not on this day on this day my entire being was trying to absorb as much as possible who knew if we would ever be together again i kept looking at over at ben and then away father he didn't feel like my father he hadn't raised me we'd met hours earlier so who was he to me an eye to him biological social later it will occur to me the ben walden felt to me like my native country i had never lived in this country i had never spoken the language or been steeped in its customs i had no passport or record of citizenship still i have been shaped by my country of origin all my life suffused with an inchoate longing to know my own land danny shapiro reading from her new book inheritance oh your your master with language danny is just so mind blowing this when you when you say that that first of all we say that you using a pseudonym for him right yes because as you write in the book he didn't actually want to meet with you at first but when you say that meeting with him he that he is your native country i mean you you write about how when you've you first the video of him and e recognize this person because of nali how he looked but his even his gestures that there's a connection there immediately yes you know and this is where in all of the conversation about nurture and nature and you know what what are what wins like it all matters it's all you know i mean i sitting there watching this youtube video video of him for the first time he was standing behind elector and he was delivering electro medical ethicist amid on medical ethics to an audience and you know standing behind electron and delivering a lecture or something i do frequently and so i was watching him in aside from looking just like him which was something i couldn't even take in i realized that he gestured the way that gesture he was holding his hands and sort of bracketing the air the way that i do and then he started running in a and the first thing that i said to my husband i said my god even runs a q. and a. like i do it was just something that was intensely familiar about this person who was a total stranger but there's forever the uncertainty about you know the lyrics the limits should save genetic determinism though right because because while there's that instant sense of familiarity that you talk about you shared fifty share fifty percent of your jeans with your mother and i also was raised by my father both yeah and so you know people are asking me things these days like so do you do still feel jewish or you can embrace christianity or like these kinds of you know i- psychologically for fifty four years of my life was my father's daughter and i will forever be my father's daughter and in moments of panic or fear of moments that i occasionally have the words that fly into my mind are generally hebrew they come from you know the beginnings of my my childhood and and yes i'm my mother's daughter and i actually felt very little like my mother she was not someone that felt familiar to me despite a biological connection that's why it's also you know it's it's it's so complex i don't i never saw myself in my mother and i felt the tremendous bond of my childhood with my dad in we have this wonderful comment on our website from someone calling themselves gerald f nord who says that genes are not how we inherited a culture in the first place in gerald writing to you here daddy he says you were very likely better at living oschkenat's e jewish than i am for instance gerald says my hebrews terrible my air may were i my jewish spotty my wife gentile my diet far from kosher and my feelings towards foundation documents vary from respectful to incredulous that's from comment on our website here but but but danny i mean as you've gone through this journey then how is it that you feel that you you do define yourself now where do what portions of yourself come from these various people these various experiences in cultures now that that there's a bigger totality that you now go no go into making you yeah i mean i really feel like i come from three people come from my mother i come from my.

fifty four years fifty percent
"ben walden" Discussed on The Diane Rehm Show

The Diane Rehm Show

14:59 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on The Diane Rehm Show

"Hi, Coachella two here. I hope you enjoying on my mind. And I also hope checking the co Joel numb de show. We connect the dots between events happening in Washington, Maryland and Virginia through conversations with politicians artists. Chefs the list goes on you can listen to our podcast on demand by subscribing on your favorite podcast app. So you never miss an episode. Back. Here's the rest of my conversation with any Shapiro. Her. Latest book is titled in Sheraton's, a memoir genealogy paternity and loved the issue of how you've heard your otherness is historian onto itself that thirty six hours from the moment that I realized through the randomness of doing a DNA test that my dad had not been my biological father. It took thirty six hours from the moment that I realized that and was in a state of profound shock because I really had never suspected that. Until the moment that I was looking at the face of the man who is my biological father on a YouTube video. That was kind of a staggering the feeling was almost one of being a kind of fate. I it was so unlikely that I would find him. There are so many people out there who never are able to trace back their paternity. And especially in this moment in time where the combination of these easy inexpensive accessible popular DNA tests that have become the number one Christmas and Hanukkah gift for all families. They're literally they're they're stocking stuffers in in you know, merry Christmas family. We're going to do our DNA together and secrets are tumbling out at such a rapid rate the combination of the internet and DNA testing. And so it wasn't difficult. My husband, and I had a couple of hunches first of all my mother had given me enough of a clue that I understood that I was doing her conceived. I understood that my mother hadn't had an affair that. There wasn't another story. I understood that that was the likeliest story. And then my husband, and I thought well who would a sperm donor have been at an institute in Philadelphia in nineteen sixty one and we both thought a medical student merited close dude medical school, right? How did but we just did. And then so a medical student at Penn, that's that seemed like the likeliest scenario, and then we had one clue beyond the word institute in Philadelphia. And it was a big clue and without that clue. I wouldn't have been able to find my biological father. And that was that a first cousin had appeared on my ancestry dot com page who was a stranger to me. I knew all my first cousins. And here was this, man. It was a blue icon, and he was identified only by initials, but there was the name of someone who was administering his page on ancestry dot com and with using that name and some. Journalistic skills, and you know, my husband's a former investigative journalist. But you know, I really have to say most people would be able to have been able to get there. Not. I mean, we we got there fast. But the clues were there, and so using nothing more than Facebook and Google we found this cousin and I will never forget for the rest of my life. Looking at this Facebook page of this man in Ohio and thinking if you're my first cousin then an uncle of yours would have to be my biological father. And then looking up his mother had passed away. And there was an obituary, and they're in the obituary was survived by a brother, and there was a name and the brother was a doctor and Google the doctor, and there he was with a bio, and he had gone to university of Pennsylvania medical school. And then because he is he's retired physician and he has. A specialty in medical ethics. He was giving a lecture on YouTube at a college in Oregon. Tell me bowed your reaction as you saw his face the very person it was surreal to recognize myself in a stranger I recognized myself. And it wasn't just a physical thing. Certainly I saw that. I looked like him because I really do look a tremendous amount like him. But it actually was something deeper than that. He was gesturing. He was behind a lectern. And he was speaking which is something I do often, and he was gesturing with his hands. And he was making a certain gesture with his hands, which is something that I do that's been pointed out to me or that I've seen in videos of myself. And then he started doing a Q and A with the audience. And I remember the first thing that I said which was to my husband who was sitting next to me was my God. He even runs a Q and alike. There was something in the way that is calling on the person in the back row in the way that he was tilting his head and smiling slightly, and there was a manor that was familiar and in seeing its familiarity. I also had to encounter the fact that that was not something that I had with my dad, I had great love and devotion with my father. But I didn't have the miliary with him. And it was just there in front of me. So Kate Muir decision as to with to write him. It didn't even feel like a decision. I am I was trying to put myself together trying to to find out at the age of fifty four that you're not who you sought you're that. You're not made of who you thought you were made of is a kind of destabilizing thing, and we use that expression the rug pulled out from under me, it literally that is what it felt like they felt groundless beneath me. And I wanted to do whatever I could to rebuild that ground to understand who and where I came from. And so yeah, I mean against what would be conventional advice I wrote to him. I figured you know, what I do. I'm a writer. I do know how to write a good letter good at emails, and I wrote him a very careful note short. It was short. I introduced myself. I told him that this note might come as a shock that. I had always believed that my parents were my biological parents. But then I now had reason to believe that he might be my biological father. I described myself. I said, I'm a novelist and memoir instant teacher, and wife and mom, and I live in Connecticut. I included a link to my website, which I did very very purposefully because I wanted him to see that I was someone with a life and a successful career and a family of my own and also that I look very much like him out. He would have seen instantly. What would it didn't occur to me was? Is that the first thing he would also have seen when he clicked over to my website was Oprah with her arm around me. And the fact that I'm a writer who has spent my life writing about family, and identity and roots. So that probably didn't please him so much because he's a very private person. I must say I give so much credit to your husband for his acceptance end in courage -ment through this whole process. I don't think I could have gotten through this without was wonderful. He was utterly wonderful. He became this an of dogged reporter researcher. He is the reason why I did the ancestry dot com testing to begin with just on a lark and very early on. I remember Michael my husband saying to me, do you wish you hadn't done it? He think he felt he felt he felt bad. He felt like. If he hadn't done that I feel in the dark L life. There is no part of me that wishes I didn't know. So the no to receive back, the initial note back was very careful. It was essentially saying, I'm I'm retired doctor I live in retirement community with my wife and a fifty years art and surrounded by our children and grandchildren. Which was I think I parse tit as a way of saying, please don't disrupt don't upend life. But he he did absolutely the kindest most ethical thing. He did. Right back to me. I offered to give him more information to explain to him. How I had arrived at this. And he said if you'd like to send more information will be glad to review it. He let me know that. I was right. You know, there's a there's a refrain in my book several times, which is how old is too old for a surprise. You know, I was very aware of putting myself in his shoes and imagining being this retired seventy eight year old doctor with a with a quiet and very happy life, and then having this sort of crash into it. So he wrote back to me I wrote to him I explained the entire story of how I had arrived at him. He he knew that that was that. It was the truth that we were both looking at and he wrote back to me, and he offered medical history. He did the right thing. It wasn't until I wrote to him. And I said that it would mean a lot to me to be able to meet him and that I would fly across the country for a Cup of coffee. I was looking for again that kind of grounded -ness of it didn't seem real to me. Even though I knew it was true. It didn't seem real. And I felt like perhaps by sitting across the table from him it might actually sink in a way that I would begin to be able to metabolize hit the his first. Is his his his initial response to that was he's kind of closed the door. He said, I can't do this. I'm I'm just not interested. And I wish you luck. And this is going to be my final communication with you. And after that only two weeks went by a very difficult two weeks. But I this is gonna sound like a strange thing to say I had a feeling more was going to happen. And Michael, you're we both do we've had this feeling that this it didn't sound like him, which again is a strange thing to say about someone that you don't know. But it didn't sound like his previous communications ended almost like he was reflexively just closing the door because he got scared and two weeks later, I opened my Email one day, I was in the car with my son, and my husband and the subject line of the Email was second thoughts, and he wrote to say that he and his wife, we're going to be traveling east and that he'd been giving a lot of thought to the fat. That might be important to both of us to to experience meeting each other. And he hopes that I would still be willing. Yeah. One a meeting that what's your there's no playbook for meeting her biological father for the first time at the age of fifty four there just isn't when we were driving. There was Michael and myself, and my biological father who I call Ben Walden in the book, and his wife, we should say you change the name. I told him very early on. Once we were communicating that I would be writing about this. I mean, my God, it was it's the it's the book that everything else has led to it was no way I wasn't going to write about it. But I very much wanted to protect his privacy. And and believe I have how did his wife react at that luncheon? She was lovely at the lunch. She was warm. This was not easy for her. She had never known that. Her husband had been a sperm donor when he was in medical school. He. Didn't hide it from her. He just never thought about it. Because I think for all of these guys or for many of them, it just was no big deal. And it was also something that was always going to be a secret. No one was ever gonna know. And one thing I've learned about secrets in the last few years is that if you are told from the start that just simply cannot be revealed it's out of the question. It's a secret that will go to the grave with you. It can become a secret Yuki from yourself as well, you are giving lots of pope to others so much of what I feel a sense of purpose about aside from you know, that I I hope that I've written a book that's about identity and family, and what makes a father of father and themes that would be interesting to everybody. But in terms of the world of adoptees, and people who have been donor conceived who are finding this out now in their thirties or forties or fifties or sixty. As I recently heard about a seventy eight year old woman who just found out that our father hadn't been her biological father. This is just happening. And it's really about it. Having been kept a secret. It's not about the fact of it self. It's about the secrecy of it. And the sense that once those secrets are exposed once light has been shined on the darkness where they festered. I mean, I was formed all my life by what I didn't know so deadly. They, you know, how does this change or a Becht your sensitive you? There's a sense of integration that I never completely had something was always slightly askew. There was something. I didn't understand from the time missus Kushner padded my head that feeling of otherness or of. Being different or not belonging. And even though I grew up in built a life from myself that I love there was always something that didn't quite make sense. And there's tremendous liberation in that something that didn't make sense being gone flood it out the practice Judas, if anything I feel less conflicted because I always felt like on the one hand, I'm this orthodox Jewish girl and

YouTube Michael Facebook Google Philadelphia writer Washington Shapiro Joel Penn Maryland university of Pennsylvania med Ohio Kate Muir Kushner Oprah
"ben walden" Discussed on Diane Rehm: On My Mind

Diane Rehm: On My Mind

05:37 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on Diane Rehm: On My Mind

"Four that you're not who you sought you're that. You're not made of who you thought you were made of is a kind of destabilizing thing, and we use that expression the rug pulled out from under me, it literally that is what it felt like they felt groundless beneath me. And I wanted to do whatever I could to rebuild that ground to understand who and where I came from. And so yeah, I mean against what would be conventional advice I wrote to him. I figured you know, what I do. I'm a writer. I do know how to write a good letter good at emails, and I wrote him a very careful note short. It was short. I introduced myself. I told him that this note might come as a shock that. I had always believed that my parents were my biological parents. But then I now had reason to believe that he might be my biological father. I described myself. I said, I'm a novelist and memoir instant teacher, and wife and mom, and I live in Connecticut. I included a link to my website, which I did very very purposefully because I wanted him to see that I was someone with a life and a successful career and a family of my own and also that I look very much like him out. He would have seen instantly. What would it didn't occur to me was? Is that the first thing he would also have seen when he clicked over to my website was Oprah with her arm around me. And the fact that I'm a writer who has spent my life writing about family, and identity and roots. So that probably didn't please him so much because he's a very private person. I must say I give so much credit to your husband for his acceptance end in courage -ment through this whole process. I don't think I could have gotten through this without was wonderful. He was utterly wonderful. He became this an of dogged reporter researcher. He is the reason why I did the ancestry dot com testing to begin with just on a lark and very early on. I remember Michael my husband saying to me, do you wish you hadn't done it? He think he felt he felt he felt bad. He felt like. If he hadn't done that I feel in the dark L life. There is no part of me that wishes I didn't know. So the no to receive back, the initial note back was very careful. It was essentially saying, I'm I'm retired doctor I live in retirement community with my wife and a fifty years art and surrounded by our children and grandchildren. Which was I think I parse tit as a way of saying, please don't disrupt don't upend life. But he he did absolutely the kindest most ethical thing. He did. Right back to me. I offered to give him more information to explain to him. How I had arrived at this. And he said if you'd like to send more information will be glad to review it. He let me know that. I was right. You know, there's a there's a refrain in my book several times, which is how old is too old for a surprise. You know, I was very aware of putting myself in his shoes and imagining being this retired seventy eight year old doctor with a with a quiet and very happy life, and then having this sort of crash into it. So he wrote back to me I wrote to him I explained the entire story of how I had arrived at him. He he knew that that was that. It was the truth that we were both looking at and he wrote back to me, and he offered medical history. He did the right thing. It wasn't until I wrote to him. And I said that it would mean a lot to me to be able to meet him and that I would fly across the country for a Cup of coffee. I was looking for again that kind of grounded -ness of it didn't seem real to me. Even though I knew it was true. It didn't seem real. And I felt like perhaps by sitting across the table from him it might actually sink in a way that I would begin to be able to metabolize hit the his first. Is his his his initial response to that was he's kind of closed the door. He said, I can't do this. I'm I'm just not interested. And I wish you luck. And this is going to be my final communication with you. And after that only two weeks went by a very difficult two weeks. But I this is gonna sound like a strange thing to say I had a feeling more was going to happen. And Michael, you're we both do we've had this feeling that this it didn't sound like him, which again is a strange thing to say about someone that you don't know. But it didn't sound like his previous communications ended almost like he was reflexively just closing the door because he got scared and two weeks later, I opened my Email one day, I was in the car with my son, and my husband and the subject line of the Email was second thoughts, and he wrote to say that he and his wife, we're going to be traveling east and that he'd been giving a lot of thought to the fat. That might be important to both of us to to experience meeting each other. And he hopes that I would still be willing. Yeah. One a meeting that what's your there's no playbook for meeting her biological father for the first time at the age of fifty four there just isn't when we were driving. There was Michael and myself, and my biological father who I call Ben Walden in the book, and his wife, we should say

Michael writer Oprah Connecticut Ben Walden reporter researcher two weeks seventy eight year fifty years one day
"ben walden" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman

Design Matters with Debbie Millman

04:58 min | 3 years ago

"ben walden" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman

"And you write that it is the nature of trauma that when left untreated deepens over time. And you see this particular trauma is in many ways, your inheritance, you inherited this trauma. How your parents tortured pack of secrecy was as much a part of you as the genes that you inherited head you feel about that. Now, a friend of mine the writer, Elizabeth lesser said to me early on in this journey of mine when you get to the other side of this you will be free and at the time I thought well, let's just see if I'm going to get. The other side of this. But I knew that there was truth in what she was saying. And I think that what I feel more often than not these days is that there's freedom in. All of this knowledge that I now have about what formed me the you know, that I spent my whole life not having. And so or there was another moment. And I write about it in in inheritance where abide friend says to me, can you accept the two tributaries? Can you accept your father and Ben Walden? As you're coming from both of these men, which is I is the truth sets, the truth of the matter is that I am someone who is made of three people my mother, and the father who raised me and the biological father who, you know, provided my being able to be here, but the nature and the nurture of all of that is what what made me me. And so I inherited the trauma, but I also inherited. Did. A pretty amazing constitution from my biological father, actually from he comes from just this line of constitutionally, very, very solid people. I never understood why I was so constitutionally, you know, in great shape. It didn't make any sense given the parents that I came from. And yet there it was and that's nature. And then the nurture of it as we were talking about earlier was this father who who loved me and was and was had a very very loving, very compati- heart. You write about how trauma and gratitude aren't mutually exclusive. How are they intertwined? I think the moment that you're referring to is that sometimes what happens I think both with adoptees and with people who discover that their donor conceived is a sense that will you should just be grateful that you're, you know, you're here, aren't you? You're here. It's all you know, you got good genes. You had a good life. It's all good. And that is true. But it's not the. Only truth. And I think if I can generalize. I think in this country, especially one of the things that we do is we want to just kind of define and have our emotional lives. Be, you know, especially when it comes to complex questions be one way. So grateful hashtag grateful. If only everything was just that image. And so the idea that I can feel gratitude immense. Gratitude I feel that this is miraculous. Actually, I feel now that it's like my superpower that I have, you know, at this point in my life, hopefully with a a bunch more life left to live this knowledge and awareness and desire to understand more about the human condition and kind of gone to the front of the human condition in certain ways. And and and I'm an artist. So I get to explore that. And that's thrilling to me. It's almost like it doesn't even matter that it's my story. So it's a great story. But at the same time, it's more complicated than that. And it always will be and that dizziness that I described at at the beginning. I still feel that I felt it walking here today. Just like all of a sudden like, whoa. The that expression the rug the rug gets pulled out from under me. We use that expression all the time. But that's actually what happened. It was kind of a groundless nece to that. And I am at my best when I just embraced the groundless nece. You said that your notions have certainty have changed in what way. Well, I guess it goes back to narrative, I just wrote a book in which you know, in the end, I will never have all the answers in early in the story. An elderly rabbi that I went to talk with who knew my family said to me will what story would ease your heart the most. And I said the true one, and I was still at a point where I thought I'm going to there's going to be a box with a lock, and I'm going to open it, and they're going to be papers in there..

Ben Walden Elizabeth lesser writer