35 Burst results for "BEE"
Scientists find first-ever "murder hornet" nest in the U.S., north of Seattle
"Scientists think they have found the first U. S nest of so called murder Hornets. In an area just north of Seattle. Washington State's Agriculture Department trap some of them this week and use dental lost to attach radio trackers onto them. Those hornets Khun decimate hives of honey bees and deliver quite his thing to people, although they're not all that deadly humans.
Washington state discovers first 'murder hornet' nest in US
"The nation's first known nest of so called murder Hornets has been discovered in Washington state and is being demolished to help protect other insects the nest was found in Blaine Washington north of Seattle about the size of a basketball containing more than a hundred of the invasive Asian giant Hornets I actually heard our number is over my head after tracking a Hornet that was tagged with the transmitter attached by dental floss entomologist span Eric's biester Jr was able to locate the nest which is about to be destroyed we will be jamming sound into the insurance and then Saran wrapping it so that we can control the release of harness from the nest the Hornets can deliver painful stings to people and there have been deaths in Asia but their biggest threat is to honey bees which farmers need to help pollinate crops hi Jackie Quinn
Scientists find first-ever "murder hornet" nest in the U.S.
"In Washington state have found the first murder Hornet nest in the US Tom Roberts has the story, according to the state Department of Agriculture, Scientists were able to locate the nest after successfully tracking a captured hornet back to a tree near the city of Blame. The Asian Giant Hornet is an invasive species that is known to kill honeybees and deliver painful stings to humans. Farmers depend on bees to pollinate local crops, including raspberries and blueberries.
First 'murder hornet' nest discovered in US: Officials
"Department officials confirmed the first Asian giant Hornet Nest has been found in East Blaine. In what come county tomorrow. They plan to destroy it the giant hornets or murder hornets, and some call them the size of a thumb and likely got into Washington on a cargo ship earlier this year. And if they're not eliminated, they could decimate honeybees. Ted McFall is ah honeybee farmer who lives in Custer and spoke with CBS News Back in July. They will slaughter all the bees go inside the beehive and then rip out that pupil are about the the larva. And then they will fly that back to their own young and feed that to their young. We
Giuliani shown in hotel bedroom scene in new ‘Borat’ film
"Back. I hope quantum never thiss vials. All the Democrats general trap. First time comedian Sasha Baron Cohen's mock You. Minarik catches President Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani. In a rather compromising situation. ABC is Jason Nathan's and joining us on the coma News line. The film comes out Friday as Prince Worthy as it sounds, Jason. Yeah, I mean, if you're familiar with the board at movies in the Bruno movies and all the stuff that Sasha Baron Cohen does. This is very much along those lines and the scene. That's making headlines today involving Rudy Giuliani, which I can explain, but I'll have to give some spoilers if that's okay. I guess people can plug their ears if they don't want to hear it. How's that starting now? So the scene involves Rudy Giuliani in a hotel room with a reporter who is not actually a reporter, one of Sasha Baron Cohen's people, and she in the movie is actually his daughter, who is supposed to be 15. But the actress herself this 24? Yes, she's interviewing Rudy Giuliani. She looks like a you know, a 24 year old journalist. She doesn't Looks like she's 15 at all one. It's amazing that she's able to get an interview in her hotel room alone with Rudy Giuliani during Cove. It that's pretty incredible speaks to the testament of how good Sasha Baron Cohen and his people are being able to set stuff up like that. But during the interview part and it's part of the movie, she's flirting with him a lot. She's touching his knee. She's being very suggestive. That's all part of the thing. And then at the end of the interview, they get together. They're drinking Scotch by the way during the interview, and she says, Let's finish our drinks in the bedroom to which you go. Okay, and they go in the bedroom, and there's you know, there were there were cameras set up in the living room. But there are no cameras in the bedroom except for a hidden camera and they're helping each other, take their microphones off. So he helped her take her mike off and then his microphone is kind of tucked into his shirt and so in order to get it Now she has to unbuckle his pants, and at one point, he kind of leans back on the bed with his pants on buckled, and then he starts to tuck in his shirt. So it looks like his hands in his pants. And he's in this hotel room with this woman, And then Borat kind of bursts in and craziness ensues. And if you remember a couple months ago, Rudy Giuliani actually called the cops. On Sasha Baron Cohen for that, because he didn't know what was going on. But this footage that you see, and it's getting a lot of headlines today. And I think one headline from the Daily Mail said that Giuliani is fondling himself inside his pants, which is clearly not the case. He's talking his shirt back into his pants. But it's not a good look really for him. For somebody who's the senior advisor to the president to be in a hotel room with a woman like that, with his pants on buckled and drinking Scotch, and he's touching her on the hip. Very suggestively and playfully and says that she should give him her phone number and her address and things like that. It doesn't look great, but there's nothing illegal or necessarily inappropriate going on. There's even a scene with Mike Pence in this movie. Yeah, there is a barren Colin actually goes with CPAC conference. He's in there dressed up as President Trump and he's running around with this girl who is supposed to be his daughter over his shoulder. He's trying to give her as a peace offering from In Kazakhstan to Mike Pence. He wants to give Mike Pence his daughter, his only daughter, and that's part of the whole big, so he's right. Actually, he's running around as my pencil speaking on the stage gets in, and he makes a commotion, and then you get escorted out by a lot of people. So it's It's definitely Sasha Baron Cohen getting himself into those situations that we've seen him do before, which could be uncomfortable but also very, very funny. And also, there's a lot of social and political messages going on kind of trying to get to the heart of A lot of people's racism and prejudice and things like that, In a very funny way. Available for streaming Friday on Amazon Prime A bee sees
Scott Peterson's 2004 murder convictions to be reexamined
"California isn't done with the Scott Peterson case. The state Supreme Court has ordered a lower court to take another look at his murder conviction. Here's correspondent Anna Giles of KOVR TV in Sacramento, court documents show His case will be re examined due to a potential issue with a juror, according to reporting from the Modesto Bee. A juror failed to disclose that she was the victim of a crime while pregnant. It was an incident where she feared for the life of her unborn child. For Peterson was convicted of killing his pregnant wife, Lacey and her unborn son. Less than two months ago. Peterson's death penalty was
Small-business owners face an uncertain future ahead of 2020 election
"With the Bloomberg Small Business Report. I'm John Tucker brought to you by Del Small business. Small business Optimism rose by more than forecast in September and moved in line with pre pandemic levels, the other for sales and the economy improved. The National Federation of Independent Business Index of Sentiment just registered the strongest reading since February. At the same time, though, the Unified Bees uncertainty index rose, matching a three year high. That jump in uncertainty shows the path of the Corona virus and the lack of additional fiscal relief remain a big concern for small business owners. Bill Dunkelberg, the chief economist for the Unified B says some small businesses are still struggling financially to operate at full capacity while navigating state of local regulations and are uncertain about what will happen in the future. We'll still greater shares A small businesses plan to add workers boost capital spending. And build inventories, indicating firm show few signs of scaling back heading into the holidays. And that's the Bloomberg small business report.
Washington state again fails to live-track murder hornet
"Or on the hunt for a murderer Hornet that seems to have vanished. Poof Jack Callahan With more entomologist in Washington State report, A murder Hornet has evaded their latest tracking efforts, somehow shedding a GPS device. They'd tied to her with Devil flaws that earlier trying to glue a device to another hornet They've got, but it fell off native to Asia. The so called murder Hornets can deliver painful stings to humans, but they got that nickname for their ability to decimate honeybee hives in a matter of minutes because honey bees pollinate many of the region's Outcrops Washington State bug experts are trying to locate the murder hornets nests and destroy them. I'm not laughing, but how would you like to be the person that attaches the dental floss and flus around the murder Hornet? No, I don't want that job like giant huge. Thank
Boston - Patriots shut down practice after new positive COVID test; Broncos game moved, per report
"Continues to cause problems for the NFL. Here's a bee sees Ellyn Lopez. The New England Patriots training facility shut down for the third time in just 10. Days after another player tested positive. Monday night's matchup against the Broncos postponed Bill Bella say the Patriots go said he's going hour by hour, day by day. That's really the way the NFL and the NFL Players Association took this. The Patriots already forced to push back the game last week with star quarterback Cam Newton among those contracting the virus. Other teams also influx the gates at the Tennessee Titans facility locked again. Listen, 24 hours after reopening following a coach's positive test. The league now sending a warning to coaches for not wearing masks. Failure to comply could result in 15 yard penalties. Earlier in the season, four coaches were hits with $100,000 fines. These covert case is a true setback for some teams that just five weeks into the season, the leak forced to reschedule roughly 15 games. Already, NASA at
People are calling out Cardi B for her crowded 28th birthday
"Rolled and Lady douche bag of the day. You Who's your D bag? Rtb ono Cardi B. Everybody loves cardio. You know, I hate this because you know me. I usually love Cardi B but I don't like the choices she's made this week. Oh, so she just celebrated her 28th birthday and birthday. So Cardi b, not 12. Turn down the opportunity to celebrate. Decided to invite a bunch of friends to Las Vegas. For a big birthday party. Um, slight problem. Well, well, problem. Big The term big birthday party scares me a little bit all living there in a pandemic. It's big. I don't know if you've seen pictures from this party. Look here. Yeah, I just opened it right up and tell me what you see. How about this? Yes, Bradley, you be the verbal picture teller. Can you tell our listeners who cannot look at the pictures of cardio bees? 28th birthday shindig in Las Vegas? You tell the people what you're seeing. Oh, was this like from last year? I mean, this is this year. This is her big birthday party in Las Vegas, Nevada. I see literally one person wearing him at like one person, and it's not full. Yeah, on crowd and a chin diaper. It's not actually a mask. You know what I mean? Like they're wearing it low slung. Well, this person isn't Oh, no, that person. You're right. Yes, there was another. There's another picture of somebody wearing it like a chin diaper. Auntie Chin diaper. That's it's a thing. Okay. Anyway, this is a full on party man. Nobody is social dis Nothing. Nobody's wearing a mask. Nothing. Does she literally later? Global pandemic is not going on She to my knowledge. I should double check and see if she's said anything Since these pictures. I want to know what people said on Twitter that card people that when you want to know what people's opinions are on Ah, a certain issue. Just go to Twitter. She she had this party and like, Like I said, like she crammed a bunch of people into a club in the Las Vegas Nevada area. And there was no masks. There was no social distancing there licking each other. By the way, her husband Offset who she filed for divorce from She's giving him a lap dance, okay? So me thinks that perhaps They're not. Getting a divorce. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what they're up to. In any case. I just thought this sort of like brazen, especially given the fact Bradley do you remember early in the pandemic? Cardi B was like a voice of reason. She was like, guys. Everybody wear the mask. It's not that hard, like do this stuff because That's what we're doing. But I do know that when she filmed her her I don't know. We don't know for calling it lapper wop video. That's how old and out of that old and out of touch we are. She did you know, they kept everything on lock down like they Everybody was tested repeatedly, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. So then, looking at these pictures, I think to myself I bet that that's the excuse. I bet that they tested Everybody there. I mean, that could be because one thing we do know is that People with resource is in this moment have access toe tests that not everybody else does. And then I want everybody to sit for a second and think about how nice it would be to be able to, like, I don't know. Have a holiday with your whole family. But, yeah, it's so interesting. So I'm looking at some people are calling it out on Twitter, but it doesn't seem like there's any particular call out happening. I'd be curious what she has to say about it. I mean, and she very well may say nothing, which is also like her prerogative, right? Like She can just decide. You know, at any given time, like I don't really feel like addressing that at all. So she might just not say anything. And then again, she might. She might come out and give us every good reason why It was a okay for her to have a birthday party for herself. I do see a lot of headlines like of you. Google Cardi B Birthday party. You get a lot of Party B comes under fire from fans hosting huge party Cardi B. Slam for Pak birthday party fans or slamming Cardi B for showing off her huge something. Oh birthday party. And I do find it interesting that it looks like the photos that she published or just her. You know, not like the Oh, no. She actually posted that photo that I am Cardi B posted that photo that group photo one with all the people in there all she's on the floor. I don't understand why, but I mean Who knows? She did post a picture of the next day of her walking in a bikini, and she was like I'm walking down because I'm still drunk. So like she had a time like she definitely had a time. Just like that. I'm not comfortable with that. Not at all. You know, I don't have to be Yeah, No, everybody gets to make their choice. But then I think about all the people that were flying in and out for that and one of the person one of the persons one of the people who showed up with Kylie Jenner. We talked about this a little bit and then dirt alert. Update. But that woman Is Trying very hard to be friends of Cardi B O for sure, Right? Eso? Yes, because she she likes attention. They will have you know that she took her own private jet. To Las Vegas to go to this party, and then she and her friends got back on the jet, and they partied on her jet. Which, if that is not something that Sounds so foreign. I don't know what is Right. Like when was the last time you partied on your private jet? Bradley, zero of Ah, Any Who's he? What's he listen like? I just the thing that there's like cognitive dissonance because Party B was an early voice of You know, pay attention to the rules do the things you need to dio where a mask, she said all those things out loud, but then to see her acting. Exactly the opposite is a little bit frustrating, and I'm sure for fans And and non fans alike, Right? Yeah, I think it's you know. It's It's a different thing to say like I think it's you know, everybody is going to judge so that's totally fine. And when it comes to celebrities, we judge like nobody's business. Cove. It is a little different because everybody has like their own boundaries, And sometimes things are when you're in one place. The recommendations might be different than another. But this doesn't seem like shades of great. I mean, this just seems it's quote. It's so obvious. I just think about all the people like I don't care about the I should say I don't care. I am less concerned about the health of the people who are choosing to do this. And the people who have to work to make that party happened, like, think of all, and I do think this is I should be really careful because I don't like to get into political conversations. But she has made some political statements that would lead you to indicate she cares very much about people who are less fortunate and don't have resource is right. And I would just like to remind her that all of the people that work at the place that she threw her party probably don't have a choice to go to work. And put themselves at risk with a bunch of people not wearing masks ready. So I think that to me is a fair criticism. I think that's actually a really good point. Your right. I mean, the people who are they're working in the situation. And actually if you scroll down and look at some more of the pictures You will see guards, you know, like bodyguards that are there that are masked. You will see people who are clearly implicitly. And the problem is because I can hear some people saying Well, you know, the employees are massed in there, Baba. Did it really kind of doesn't matter when you're in a big room, right? And it looks like they're in like a big party room or something. It's the combination of masking and social distancing and hand washing. It's it's all you have to kind of aliens. All the prongs of the attack, If you like, I don't know. I feel like we've seen somewhere recently where a bunch of people were together. You know that sounds really familiar. I can't. Yeah, but yeah, but But but But we do hear these stories of people all being piled up together. And then they mask super spreader events, right? Even if you're outside and this looks like it's an indoor event, and they're all sort of Yeah. I don't know. Card E B. I'm disappointed in you. I'm sad about it because they usually love everything She does. But this was this was a miss for me. Party B.
Cardi B celebrates her birthday
"Kylie Jenner spared no expense for Cardi Bea's birthday over the weekend, a jetting off to Las Vegas for Cardi Bees Big birthday party at Caesars Palace, and she also presented Cardi B with a pale blue air Mez Birkin bag.
Team investigating deadly California fire seizes PG&E equipment
"PG and E officials are reportedly under investigation in connection with a deadly Zogg fire in Shasta County. The Sacramento Bee reporting. PG and E filed a statement with the Public Utilities Commission saying Cal Fire investigators took possession of the utility company's equipment today. Firefighters are still battling the 56,000 acre blaze, which has claimed the lives of four people.
Virginia residents warned to stay away from venomous caterpillars
"You've seen everything in 2020 You know everything that could come our way. You know, we've had what we have the deal in the killer bees yet the Hornets the Hornet. Well, here come the poison caterpillars. The Virginia Department of Forestry has received multiple reports off the puss Caterpillar, one of the most venomous caterpillars in the United stumps. Hus Puss caterpillars. You shut out. Yeah, they have thick furry coats. And they conceal their venomous spines. Their sting is extremely painful and can cause a rash, vomiting, swollen glands, fever, even death. And puss Puss caterpillars aren't typically seen this far North. Which researchers say could be due to climate change.
Pelosi pushes new bill to determine whether Trump is capable of serving as President
"Chance. Her new Corona virus stimulus package. It mentions the 25th amendment. During her weekly press briefing, Nancy Pelosi says Democrats would not accept a piecemeal approach to Corona virus belief that benefits only a sliver of stuffing Americans about assurance for the White House that President Trump will support a much larger, comprehensive aid package. If there were to be a stand alone, Bill. What does that look like? And the only point about negotiations is Thinking bee? No stand alone bill unless there's a bigger bill, and it could be part of that, or it could be. In addition to that. Pelosi says he's hopeful the sidescan reach the elusive agreement in the coming days. Bernie Bennett in Washington.
Vice Presidential Debate: Mike Pence and Kamala Harris Face Off In Salt Lake City
"Ly vice presidential debate happens tonight in Salt Lake City. Vice President Mike Pence, going head to head with Democratic Senator Kamala Harris. This debate has a new sense of urgency with the president's diagnosis. And with Joe Biden possibly set to become the nation's oldest president. Americans air looking to have some confidence and reassurance that the vice president can step in if needed, and already the Corona virus is front and center on tonight's debate stage. A bee sees Mary Bruce reporting.
Bob Gibson, Feared Flamethrower for the St. Louis Cardinals, Dies at 84
"Legend Dies A bee sees Todd and intimidating and a fierce competitor, Bob Gibson is considered one of the greatest pitchers in baseball who spent his entire 17 year career with the ST Louis Cardinals gifts and, in fact, was named World Series MVP in the Cardinal's 1964 and 67 Championship seasons. He closed out his Hall of Fame induction speech in 1981 with this I want to be remembered. As a person that Comparator gave 100%. Every time I went out on the field, so Bob Gibson was 84 you're listening to ABC News.
Search underway for murder hornets nest in Washington state
"A search is underway for a nest of murder. Hornets in Washington stay officials air trying to find and destroy a nest of Asian giant Hornets believed to be near a Washington state farm town. Hornets or sometimes called murder hornets and kill honeybees that Barry farmers rely on to pollinate their crops. The Washington State Department of Agriculture found evidence of six of the Hornets over the past week near the town of Blaine. Asian Giant Hornet is the world's largest at two inches incandescent mate entire hives of high bees and deliver painful stings to humans.
Trump has COVID-19, showing 'mild symptoms' at White House
"The White House says president trump bees on the job after testing positive for a covert nineteen chief of staff mark meadows says the president's experiencing mild symptoms but is in good spirits and is very energetic I'm optimistic that you'll have a very quick and speedy recovery but political analyst Chris Gayle Dearie at St Anselm college wonders whether the White House will be fully transparent about the president's condition since to be quarantined in the building and the likely out of public view I think there is an element of how are we going to know the president's seventy four and clinically obese putting him at a higher risk of virus complications Sager made ani Washington
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"VERY UPSET OF AREA. Upset so mom. Would you like to read towards your kids? What's the protocol we'll believe keyword? You're dumb donkey article about trump just confirms what a bunch of Babylon Baptists Butt heads. You really are hiding behind a computer like the LIMP wristed spineless Jellyfish Morons. You certainly are. How many words for the person that wrote this to your son? Ouch I love the just the alliteration of it sounds like Daffy Duck. What a bunch of Babylon backed up by ADS. I've never heard my mom's say but it's before so that was hesitate where she said. I did say but once when he was a kid and And when brought home from hockey there was a note signed by on all the children. Saying Your Dad Mom said but assigned by so okay. I witnessed it. Well you were telling us before that you saw comment on the Babylon that said whoever wrote this has issues with their mother or something. Yeah yeah they're trying to work out what they didn't get emotionally from their mother when they were young can cayo? Who wrote it so hard on people. Who Love You guys? You're not supposed to read. The common number aren't people. I really worry about though that they go as personal as possible onto a stranger on a comment on twitter. Like you got problems. They have to go that deep like they were trying to cut as deep as they can in some strange personally. The remittances serious strange. Yeah people they need help. You need help so we did it. We did our first filmed episode. Is it yeah taking? I was trying to picture what limp-wristed spineless.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Because I was going to school when the first school shooting started like Like I remember hearing about the one in Eugene. Yeah me and my friends. All jokes like that. We all joked about shooting and stuff and Ken show like anymore but she thought that was Larry as right. You disturbed kidding. We don't even have made it funny to us that we didn't even have guns. Didn't have a dad around with having with guns. I don't know if you had a gun when we were growing up but I'd never even touched one until my friends from around the you know so anyway. That was an anecdote that wasn't ACTA. Everybody's disturbed now. Can we find this animation computer? I think totally crashed. Said he's awesome. Lend you think real computer when I worked in a thing like crazy hours administration. Yeah he was good at animation so even though he did crazy things like that. I still encouraged it. I love that. I love the lack of a reactive. Nece to what she saw into what you did and admiring creativity and the humor in it instead of focusing on violence. That's a pretty good animation of me getting shots. All the it was kind of it was I made it. It was funny animation. Because the way you were on the ground like wiggling like as if like you know nobody wig like got shot is if they were like flies getting I made silly cover up it now just yourself all right. Well I've got some. I found some tips for mom's on the internet or really and I want to see what you guys think. Going to get. Diane and Diane Take Mom and Diane's take on this so Number one stick to an early bedtime thumbs down. What do you think badly bedtime for kids better for the kids? Yeah I get him to bed as soon as physically possible. So why are you anti older early bedtime? Mom even when he's like structured so. I think we got judged by some people when we are raising you that we didn't have embedded at seven thirty every night but we have fun so yeah. Unstructured was definitely our house. Don't mean that in a way because there's a structure I when I go to. His House are so casual. We were the fun. House that like all the neighborhood kids. We didn't go to neighborhood kids house. They all came to our house that we went gringo. The man's and we'd have like a dozen kids running around well. I think my mom would've gone insane. Get an empire through a lot of kids out at me kids in lakeside. Yeah very small. Towns in Oregon for people empire a lot of stray children running everywhere let drugs once they had to be in school. We would do eight thirty or nine but as toddlers. It's like no one's telling us where we have to be tomorrow. That's play didn't get up at two in the morning and just ride my bike around the house. Yeah I got up and you're on your big wheel in the hall. You got it out of the garage all right another advice for moms create mini traditions stemming. I don't know many many small like little traditions like one. I can think of one from our childhood. We have a special birthday played played. I think we have a birthday plate every birthday. There's a place says you are special today. always they always said Oh. I'm not special every other day on my special today. Yeah that's part of the tradition complaining about the birthday play absolutely for that one. How about you Diane? We didn't have a birthday played every year. Yeah head shot. I don't even remember a on. Fridays always remember moving into the just the holiday. Type of just regular holiday Steph. Christmas tree and Things like dad warm on the tradition lukewarm. I wasn't absolutely we were. I was absolutely for the mini tradition. I'm trying to think of some more of though I know I know. We had a ton in the summer sometimes. We did theme Thursday in there. It'd be like a circus theme or come over it. Not Interesting at all but sorts supposed to name some of our mini tradition. If you have any I was just trying to think of some small things like you know when we were in soccer was like Burger King Thursdays. And we'd just go to Burger King and it was just and then we always compete to see who got the longest fry. That's when I was at Bible study. Dad's thing yeah. They were taking all dead story or he did the he would do. The the little trips where we would just drive around town and see where we ended up if there was a storm. You guys make the boats down the stuff out of trash these are. These are father's Day stories for father's Day. Take your kids on individual dates. I E biggest thing if you can know the single mother I. I think that's part of the why we have a lot of a little traditions and I couldn't take them on individual dates by the time I could name. Didn't want to be with their mom. They want their friend so that didn't happen much. Yeah I know the few times I've taken like took Elisa to Disneyland Albert Self and that is still one of those special memories we've ever had and then lily took her to.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Or finally there's a very real danger of having at least three new news boys albums released in the next five years. Which was real was really made? Are you laughing this is I totally forgot? All of them number three what I put in my head because it had a lot of words in it sounded like scientists would isn't to win to win. Great can be funny about any other. You're correct. That is correct the entire world will be in a state of the year two thousand the entire OB and famine. This is a little Balderdash balderdash sheep. You play that game though. We should play the more game. Even I'm so bad at Giggle when you make up definitions for words and you have to guess which ones still fun you said. Peter Gunter Professor at North Texas State University. In one thousand nine hundred seventy issue of living there said Demographers Agree. Almost unanimously on the following grim. Timetable nineteen seventy-five widespread famines beginning India. These will spread by nineteen ninety hundred include all of India Pakistan China the Near East Africa. But your two thousand or conceivably sooner south and Central America will exist under complete famine conditions. Did Not happen no all right here. We go heath unready final for the finale. Earth has one moon after approximately six thousand years since the date of creation. Yes so after six hundred thousand years or will have approximately one hundred minutes that makes sense moons. Yeah the reproduce between nineteen seventy and nineteen ninety five mass extinction like what happened to the dinosaurs will happen. Thanks to environmental policies. Okay scientists now believe we are at risk of having over five thousand two hundred sixty seven Tyler Perry movies by the year twenty thirty Climate change will 'cause everybody's hair to burst into flames by two thousand seven but even sooner they use quiet..
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"I don't know the year mom knows how it's GonNa be all right. I'll do all read the fall. Read I you choose Kyle Go K. The world will be cold enough to have gone into another Ice Age two times over by the two thousand. That's one with the amount of time. The Earth spins in a given millennia. Scientists predict mass dizziness in a pandemic vomit by the year two thousand ten because all spinning by the year. Two Thousand Fifteen every American household will deal with the tragic experience of their pets heads falling off after the fourth choice. After decades of cow abuses cows will develop a natural milk toxin that will wipe out the human race by the year two thousand twelve. Which one is real get an actual prediction scientists main? That's what I'm trying to guess. I'M GONNA go with the cow. Milk toxin and wrong is actually the the scientists decl So that the world will be cold enough to have gone into another ice age twice over by the year. Two thousand so not just one time like reach an ice as you'll get twice as cold as it would take didn't really happen in bars. I remember good. That's so confusing. Because didn't they don't they say we're warming say climate change now because then whatever is changing. It's changing the spinning thing though. I almost almost jumped on that one. One of my first dates with else rocket scientists. Dad We add salt and pepper Shaker on the table. And I'm like okay if the earth spins so fast how can we don't get dizzy? And I'm making it. Go around the sun spins speculated. Understand that it's big and it's that whole twenty four hour for once. I just thought everyone just always said the earth spins fast so whoever wrote that moving right now it's crazy to think about if it's so fast how come we're not dizzy. That's vomiting all.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Did. I really curious but Yeah who knows? And if he hadn't everyone come on her show totally. Have you on our show canceled? Get canceled while trying to find the tweet now. I couldn't get all right all right. Move onto our next door next story at a preliminary hearing to establish evidence in the sexual assault allegations against Joe Biden. A federal judge dismissed all charges after the revelation that he was not a democrat. That's good for him. Yeah Sometimes there's like you need like a lot of evidence and then there's somebody who's been fish and then all other times you don't need a lot of 'cause we did this that he was not a Republican. Did I say wrong? He is a Democrat. I'm GONNA take that. I might have taken the joke. Not Work at all. That was like crickets headline not this or not. Yeah I think about it for a long time. Does that make sense? Because I can't think through. The negative is a Democrat is a Democrat. Got It yeah. Anyway you guys get the joke. You GotTa think some of these people that have been put behind bars for this kind of stuff like Weinstein Epstein. They probably realized too late. If I told the judge they just got up there and said woman. I'm a Democrat. Oh I'm sorry for office as a Democrat so I'm sorry Sir right this way. And they would just free right on the spot. So it's a bummer. That they did. Yeah I mean it's so like to watch what happened with cavenaugh that was definitely very opening and then to see this like it's just the exposition's it's so like in your face that This.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"If we talked about it. I interviewed Dan Crenshaw Eye Patch Guy Crenshaw. Was schooling him hard on everything and if they were in the studio he could have like if crenshaw made a good point he just do his little thing it does is like killing non. We're on video thing. Yeah yeah he's Nydia seals can't do now he just goes like this and like there's nobody crooked and still dropping and he's like truth on him he's calling in the made. Can you come get me my seals. So here's some people thought it was real. Yeah there's some real tweets one person tweeted. No we are not in this together there in on with WHO giving their millions to it instead of helping all poor and homeless. La and they were responding to a tweet. That's don't forget the celebrities they got together to share this inspiring message with their yachts and then thankfully another China and said this is a photoshop. Pick from the Babylon parody. Website ruined all the fun. The guy goes in all caps completely out of touch and then someone replied to that if we always in this together then we all would have yachts and fake. Lives like they do and then one of my favorites. This woman says they are clueless. Saying right now that we're all in the same storm but we're not all in the same boat but we really we really are not all in the same boat because some people's both their way bigger than other people have servants on their boat Do you want to read one of these The thought it was real. You see that one from Mel there. I don't see one from now know we're GONNA win. Deplorable no I think it's meant to be an insult. They mean we as in the the elite minority are in on the scam. That's just how I think I'm just saying that's just how I think is in there. A percentage of people that just don't do not get satire. It's a inherited trait thing to forty percent. Just do not understand this when this person has got some of those conspiracy theories going on here and then they feel like this article validates them soon. Army anyone to funny can't wait till these lively nuts distribute their wealth demonstration their commitment to a call for such stars almost blinds me with their brilliance. What's not to love? Just ignore the minor detail. Cannibalism and adrenal chrome. Look at those lovely yacht sentiment touching. So this guy goes or it's a woman goes straight to cannibalism and adrenal chrome. You heard this series conspiracy theories the conspiracy consider the conspiracy that these celebrities they harvest fetuses or babies to suck out some chemical from their brains to create adrenal chrome which is a drug that they all feast on in makes them. Mike Golic superhuman so they can be super famous. There's real people believe this. My my wife has friends Friend that's like a. It's really the people talking about this. We're probably never.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"It's good now. Yeah list has been stuff. That's good this news is weird real stories that actually. Um You wanna read the first one first headline their underwear news. Police in India revealed device to detain corona virus lockdown. Violators without contact. Yesterday police have these giant a giant. Tong type that have giant. Tong grabber grammar. Oh Man Yeah So. We'll have a picture up on their. Ed disappeared for me. But they had these giant like tongues that they use to grab people knew around without being six feet. Are these stories you actually did or these are actual things actual no these are like. This is a real new. Oh yeah this is not Babylon be Can KENTUCKY GOVERNOR APOLOGIZES TO TO POX? A core for unemployment. Mix Up so this governor. He basically been saying that. There's been all these employment check mix up so we're sending checks to people that are all these aren't really dead but it turns out there actually is a guy named to pox occur in his Where he lives in the guy was upset is okay. I'm real so funny to me. That two Bokor or he's like Louis this check was made at the two-pack secure. He said we had somebody apply for an employment for to secure here in Kentucky and then later the.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Sorry for how we encourage you to get the news so dive in To some weird news or no no. No we're diving into stuff. It's good stuff that's good but now this week's edition of stuff. That's good so my stuff. That's good this week is good disco broad things well. I could recommend a very specific disco exact disk but I would recommend Novas Star destroyer okay. That's my favorite disc. Sounds violent. Also the champion T-bird by Nova beginner disk? And I recommend my parents actually got me a disc golf basket for Christmas or my birthday or something and so I like having that out in the yard and I just go putt anyway. So this is this is kind of people are returning to outside And they're starting to experience the sunshine and everything and discover great because it is socially distant. You're out there are kind of in the middle of this core spire self. It's pretty much free. It's out of all the sports. It's like one that cost basically nothing. You get a disc for ten bucks at Big Five and you're good. You can play the whole course with certain discs like the champion T-bird bird I mentioned or the shark. The INOVA SHARK IS GREAT DISK. And it's such a great community because a lot of sports you have to go in and you have to be.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"That long well we got an email where somebody said they were mad about an article that said Bernie Sanders praises China for a radical poverty By killing all the poor people and they were upset that we didn't give any reference to where Bernie Sanders said these things he did say he killed he killed people. Yeah uh-huh and then it's this person says if Bernie Sanders said these things then. He must be very stupid because no vote for him. Or you don't mind submitting articles that lie and and so then water so then our support staff replies and says we are satire and then they give us the about out links and the satire links lease so this is a joke and then we got this very long response back so basically she. She says that her mom was very her. Mom is a Christian and was very upset because she heard that Bernie Sanders said these things and then this is her doing what the wives to read this. read the read the email in her voice. The let's read. Let's now let's read from the. I can hardly wait. So this is her mom believes her. Mom believes that this is true and then she finds out his false and this is her response. So who wants to start I can. I can hardly wait to give her the good news in the morning. The Babbel B. A. Satirical Christian site which means you can pretty much anything going into quotes or any candidate running and the poor elderly or gullible people. That don't actually understand that. This site is just joking around in quotes. Get get to be horrified into voting for whomever you deem quote Unquote Christian worthy. This is GonNa rock my mom's Christian world I don't remember Jesus ever having a satirical moment. Oh except for me. That time in the temple with the money changers. Yeah Hey he was almost human angry. Maybe that's what you guys need too bad too. You Bad Godson isn't available to slap y'all around bit it's like you made a deal with the devil. Satire gives you the license to lie. Oh Oh we were just joking around hilarious try truth. It's even funnier than satire if you can see it from Loftier and more allowing perspective you've been battling you're not helping. Anyone is brilliant dramatic reading. I want to read Oliver. Hate me for on FS EH Andrea. My she'll sit there and read like Yo previews to me in her like her voice in one night one time she looked up Twin flames the whole concept of twin flames and all these people like talking about it then she was reading it and this is very entertaining. Amazon reviews to which is great eight. Amazon Review Readings eighty-one our spare time. Well if you want to just read. Some more Amazon reviews subscriber. We're going to move onto our subscriber portion where we have some fun stuff. We are playing the dating game where we have to answer things about our spouses. And we're going to give you our ultimate advice marriage and parenting advice that we've learned and maybe a couple crops truth and I said maybe cover a couple more BS stories. But I'm not sure if that's going to happen or not so because we talk a lot so it's all right everybody. Thanks for listening in the wives. Say Goodbye to the freeloaders goodbye. freeloaders subscribe goodbye. Goodbye or family needs money. If you want my wife to be able to afford fancy dresses and shoes and stuff steph and Komo essential oils destiny sense when you guys want to advertise your limit before we go to the desert rousselot it come to San Antonio Hospital and get a heart catheterization. You're not going to get this right..
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"I'm man. And that's just our first date and we had the alphabet scared off now. I didn't get scared off and I knew I wanted to marry that down. Anybody I can get scared off. It would have been him because I had like the psycho ex words like she had the psycho ex in two kids. Yeah and Ethan was just like we can talk the early white no baggage career. I was a complete opposite of this guy number way complete. Yeah so then dated for how long. What was the what was date K.? Boy The ABC. Some are really hard to remember. We'll probably I'll probably think of it later. Do Jay okay. So you guys talked about. So what was actually was on E.. Ethan said at this way Ethan is Jessica Slave and Jay was Jessica's because even sleep. That was literally like how I told that one. I don't remember that you didn't you didn't say right. I'm correcting your what I told that. That's the way shape might be shave. Your made me go to. She made me go Vegan restaurant and I instantly discovered. They're both in my recollection recollection. You didn't like your food and you didn't like me how to beard. We do anything good that day today. We went rollerblading and we went to Venice. I didn't wear rollerblades though did I. I can't stand up on the. We biked Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that was the day that was the ears an eclipse on her. Oh you crazy drumming in tandem at Venice beach all the weird cult people in like white closed the sun it was our date was listener clips. ABS- yeah we were blown away. God the God is all over this guy can just bring down up to you at Chippewa. God can make an eclipse happen on our date now they have to come up with Alphabetical dates if we needed all the all the women listening standards raise Affable dates from my idea. I'm kind of a romantic. Yeah I will sort of like when we first started talking about getting married. Ethan's like okay. I guess we're going to have to just have like skulls skulls and like like remember. That was the first time I said. Skulls Pennsylvania accent Pennsylvania accent. Because I was it's very anti the idea of getting married again. So when we first started going justice of the peace and get like a court thing yeah it was like oh no no no no no and the first for someone ring. Shopping malls like crap. I gave them hope how decision I kept having to coax it out of her. Like like We'll just say you know when you're little girl. What did you imagine your wedding would be like? Because she the whole idea of doing another wedding just freaked out but it Kinda keep coaxing out information formation from early. Oh well there was a point where I did think that I wanted to string quartet or never got it so eventually we worked out in. Our wedding was still probably best just number two. It went perfect like it was just amazing day. Destinies family was It it was is Hispanic and her grandma was like grandma. Wanted the wedding to be her grandma links and her grandma wanted wanted our wedding to be like her dream wedding so it was like every every decision destiny made she was like. You're not gonNA have puffy sleeves you you know who doesn't have puffy sleeves put doesn't have puppies leaves waiting and then you will not slay the bull. The wedding there will be no bowl but is is this Mariachi. One of the Mariachi band. You know you don't have you're not gonNA have Mariachi. What kind of wedding is this? So that's my whole story Alkyl you're not GonNa have Alcohol Gerona Jessica Pretty Teetotaler family but we boldly drank alcohol in their faces his brutal all right. Well those were beautiful stories. Our eyes are watering with emotion. And you get hate mail.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Started dating in February and we were married by October. That's the story okay. Actually destiny is part of our story because she like matchmaker matchmaker kind of okay. So I dan and I had. I've been friends for a really really long time like we knew each other back in high school And I probably saw you want to Kyle's birthday parties like second and third grade or something but I don't really remember or we wouldn't remember that but yeah and so for some reason like he had just been on my mind or whatever over and it was. We weren't close friends or anything but I was just like oh I wonder how he's doing and then I was talking to destiny Wedneday so now she was like. Oh what what would you consider your type of guy or whatever and it was like this blatant I was like I don't know but for some reason got just put this Guy Danko. It's on my mind. She was like he goes. You're with us and I was like okay. Maybe you should talk to him. And and then we like ran into each other and then so yeah. This is the Jesus Arm Story to remember this story so I was wearing a Henley shirt. which if you don't know it's like it's like Mormon lady laundries so it's like a long sleeve? Steve Hi neck shirt with buttons down the chest so I was wearing one of those and I ran. I my friend and I she she was like. Oh I'm going on a date with whatever guy whatever and I was like. I just talked her about Dan Coats. And then we get out and he's in the car next to us and I was just like oh I don't have his phone number or anything or whatever I'm just having my cousin's wife destiny like talk to him so you come out of the car Har I'm standing right there. The button on my shirt popped right. It was clearly it was meant to be on. And then you didn't know living Jesus arms thing that you're referring to. You didn't know how to greet me so you're alike you put your arms out like you're GonNa go for a hug and then you cannot put them back you're like second the middle internal monologue so it was like so glad to see him and it was so weird. 'cause I've just been talking about it so my arms like wind up like kind of like halfway hugger so then I was like. Oh no too strong. You're so then I was just standing there with this like when Jesus says the children come into me and has his arms open stance and then and I was like okay just slowly relax your arm and they went back down to my side and then later I was like destiny. I totally messed everything up. I remember remember this very clearly of her telling me the story and she just looked at me and she said Oh. Yeah you totally screwed up so we didn't start dating then and there. You like all the way you tell it is that you were stalking me for a while a bit because I thought it was weird that I was thinking about you because we weren't close and then Dan didn't have any social media he takes breaks from social media which is nice So we didn't have any social media and then I found him I'm Linden. He was like the like. Do you know Dan Coats and I was like what has happened. Yeah and I was like yes. Yes I do so we we actually started talking on the in Male unlinked in and we had business not then I don't know what's worse linked in or aim instant messenger. Yes I started talking emails back and forth and then we decided let's go for a date and so that was like February about this time of year ear back in twenty eleven twelve and then in October October we were married. Yeah Yeah so Pretty Quick Destiny Anyway are upright to me. I was in that wedding sweet. Congratulations let's move on I it's it's interesting that we we were quick. You're quick your questions for him. Process examined by an wonder the quickness thing like I'm wondering how fast fast fast but but just you know just seems counter cultural you know because they know people date for well we had both onto college already We we both graduated. I mean we're kind of we were. I was twenty six when we got. I won't mention but yeah I was twenty six got married so I mean it kind of gets you were really old. At that point. I was really old ancient Ethan. We'll speaking of very very old when you got married thirty one or thirty two Your around there. I think thirty two at least yeah. Well it was eight years ago and thirty nine who man time flies abused so great. Lot's happened here at that time and time. So we've always talked about writing a better story because we met any harmony so that's the really short version. We met any harmony got married period. Yeah you need to come up with something better but I had been on harmony for three years. I had gone on dates with a million women who were psychotic La So there were. There were a lot of ships from. It's like it's like trying to find like a good shirt at a thrift stores. I mean it's just insane. You're trying to find super super picky. Yes I'm going on there and anyway so but how long were you on E. Harmony. You're like the third person I went on a date with so she she she had really a much lower standards than me set up. My profile picture was just way hotter than yours. Your your profile picture. Can we hear the story of the alphabetic dates. Well there's actually two key things who I wanna say this real quick. I saw her profile picture and my response was she's way too hot. She would never date me. I'm not even GONNA ask and I didn't and then she asked me. She said she opened communication with me. Okay so then my next thought was like Oh. She's probably the crazy okay so when we first met we met at a coffee shop and I got there I I and I I knew for me since profile that he was kind of like a bigger dude from his profile picture. So I see this guy in the corner with like a weird like hat looked like blues traveler. Yeah yeah totally like fleas traffic identical. And I like I kind of froze from it and I was like long greasy hair and the trench coat and Australia. Guy Hat and dirt smoked lens glasses and I was like Oh crap. 'cause you know like sometimes stuck even worse than the picture in dial back like forty three forty percent from that and that's how people look what you mean him and I like literally kind of froze from it before then he looked up and I looked at his face. I was like no. I can't be him. I can't be him. Oh thank God so then I get my coffee and sit down and Ethan Ethan walks in. He's like did you already get your coffee striking. Yeah in his mind he just blew it when you meet somebody in the. They live up to their profile picture. A- attractive as like now this isn't GonNa so I was just like I'm not even going to try and this date and I didn't even get a copy so that was like another strike against me. He had to say about him like a dog. He's like I'm done here. So we sit down on new start talking and So kind of interwoven. Through our whole story is the fact that I'm divorced so I haven't been on a first date in like years because I have been married for almost seven years and it was very. It was very frightening so on E. Harmony. They give you this little tutorial or whatever you I don't know what to call it but it says his twelve questions to ask on a first date which I thought was really cute so I wrote a hand wrote them down on this little tiny piece of paper. So we're sitting talking and I pull out what my piece of paper and I'm like army says I should ask you these questions so he thought that was really. I guess you thought that was funnier. You had Q.. Durable so that kind of like broke the ice between us a little bit and then Like partially partway through the date. which just say no like Ethan used his hands ends? You still shake when we were dating so bellicose in Hidden Camera Show. I couldn't believe that she was dating me any moment. Like Chris Hansen was gonNA walk. We have news for you Ethan. Here's Ashton Kutcher breaking through the door right. Now you've been it's been elaborate. It's required a lot of effort on my part to Pumpkin alone. I mean just reality had been so different for like thirty years straight and suddenly so weird take my blood. Sugar must be low. I don't know what's going on like a million different reasons why it's hands are shaking overweight awkward single guys listening right now when there's hope I'm like just a minute you're you're just like so smitten with me. You're actually shaking like it happens like you're not the first one was very smitten so then Ethan goes Okay so we kind of broke the ice. You might flowerbed this one too. But he goes I got to go to the restroom. Reliefs yeah these are wrong over like in an awkward. I think the sentence is awkward. Or something I go to the bathroom and release okay so then our first date. Our coffee date wraps up and he goes. Do you want to go on a second date and I said yeah he goes how about now what I said. Okay sounds even more awkward than I think. It's pretty bad and I was like okay so then we went and got dinner so we had our first our first date. We're all in the same like a six hour date and we went on and on and he heard the talk. He ordered a club chicken club which he like nibbled on he took like. I don't eat that much like.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"She's like yes like into my nostrils house like this has got to stop like if we're going to maintain love if we'RE GONNA maintained for love for decades. This has got to stop so I said to him one day like I'm calling junior laundry but can you please unroll your sleeves before you put it in laundry and unfurl your socks so you can inhale your own foot dust and to credit. That was probably like six years ago and he he does it every time. I'm saying I can't like chime in too hard on my man because like I asked him to do it and he he doesn't that's that's that's dedication location right there kyle. You need to pay attention. Ethan Ethan's easy to live with when Kyle and I I got married we were sitting down and kyle was eating a snickers bar. And he has the rapper and we're watching TV or doing something. And he sticks. snicker bar are the snickers rapper in the couch. Cushion Kyle Already Ryan Brennan me and I looked at him. I said sorry. What he says? Does that not go here. I will say that that has changed but kyle also full two socks when he's done using them wherever he's at he's sitting on the couch he takes off his socks. He folds dirty so he folds his dirty socks and so I said just recently if I find these sox around the house I'm going to assume they're clean and I'm going to put them back inside of your grower. What kind of person folds solve them? He doesn't throw them. He told them nicely less if they would look like clean clean socks. It's like when you're like. Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty you guys. y'All that each other all day long or is that just us. We had an incident with the dishwasher. Misunderstanding Oh yeah. Nothing's worth someone. You unload unload a full dishwasher full of dishes at dirty dirty. Yes I agree. So you're yelling kyle. Are these socks dirty or not. nope not anymore. Okay okay I just put him back end that this is back but he does. He does not put them in the hamper. He'll leave them in that area even pretty good about getting in the hamper but he has a a rack that When we opened the door to I shower and toilet area? There's lake sometimes. There's like fourteen hoodies hung. There's three with the hoodies and like that. He intends to wear again sometimes like workout clothes. Yeah eventually you can't even walk through the door so they're not on the floor. That's very maybe we should get Iraq back. Yeah Single Eighty S. This should be skilled assessment. We haven't heard much about Dan. DM's improved vastly. Listen to that guy. Oh teen years allowed to give away the secret. Okay Kyle and our first cousins. So it's like really funny because I know look anyway so deanna and I just perfected our laundry situation. He has his own hamper. That's good but if it's not in the hamper I am not not watching it. That's right there was a story on their elect about it. Let's do it demand looking in they. Dan deleted though Is it the movie. One knows. Milk one O our podcast. We can just mini store all go and read it. Read it in. The milk is nowhere to be found reports husband staring directly the ad jug of milk. So there's actually a picture you want to go. It's just such a universal truth because like even like our a son. Ezra will be looking for the milk staring right at it and all be in there. I'll find it. I'm staring at it like it's true. Destiny put a picture up on facebook once. And she's like Kyle told me he cannot find the coffee creamer and she takes a picture of the open fridge in the creamer is right in the middle like just right right there and she's like who can find the coffee creamer in this picture like total brutally owned me on the Internet. I feel like all of these Bob. llambi articles about the wives kyle rights specifically of things. That have happened in our relationship because that has also happened and then there was one. Remember San Diego. You couldn't find the keys and I said the keys are in the car in the Cup holder and you ran out and he said I looked in every cup holder and I walked outside and he was waiting in the car and I went foot. And he's like where were they they. Were in the cup-holder Well Ethan. You think calls me Pedia like you know like okay. It's so funny. 'cause allies is becoming the same way. Where like if he'll be like like where did I put that whatever you know and then I almost always know exactly where it is? You've ever it is he's looking for texture L. Texture like six hours later in the day wall. She's at work and she'll know where random things laying somewhere I will. I'll say it's like on the bedside corner underneath the you know the side table. He's like why do you know that. Yes such such random things you know. Do you know where this USB cable you know that does. The specific connection action is in. The house doesn't example because she wouldn't know what she does. She throws the cables away. I do you guys. Have the box of tables. Are the box from capable throws it throws them away and I'm like. Why are you doing this to keep that in the garage? Because they don't go out there that's true that's true. Yeah but it's just like the the encyclopedic knowledge of these random things in exactly where they are. And why would you need to know that but then I need to know she knows what you think about the things that we know and they're probably the same thing. Why do you need to know that that's true well? I don't know if we're allowed to say that. Thi Word on the Babylon be podcast. What is it what do you have just saying I can always D- word is T- flowerbed? Oh that's going to be tried to. Just this is going to be the first wife to be flower. Okay because when I will ask Ethan sometimes to describe why is this way as ten. It's because he has flower and I'm just like okay. Can you control your wait. What are those concerning? I'm a nurse. Anatomy is my thing. That word comes from the same root as the word testimony and so it's very biblical word. I place my hand in my right thigh. That's how I swear that's from. The Bible right swears on his album. That's referring to I swear on my on my family my my manhood testimony when you you give your testimony you are dropping. Can we get Cynthia effectiveness. Confirm my my pastor Bible study. We talked about it last time that they just read Beth more books. It bounced studying. You guys to talk about the T-word at Your Bible all study our churches there. There are a lot of older ladies in our church and they just like. Don't care like they're just like oh I'm here to disciple these younger ladies and we're like Oh yes yes thank you. We all church last week. We ended in the pastor. who wasn't he gives the benediction? He's like you know. May God go before you in you. And whatever it is that he says you know me God loves you too or sure. Glad you were here. You know and the worship of just strumming fading out and this Old Lady She's hysterical Audrey and she's like an almost ninety. She yells out. Don't forget to pray for Nancy Antsy Pelosi. She's The lady that like huffed whenever the worship leader tells already stand up he's like all right. Well let's get into our main topic because man this is we're talking of. We're gonNA tell our stories so get ready for romance along vs topic of the week. We like some romantic music there. Colonel Colonel can make a note of what could be Barry White show an order of who got married I We were two dozen seven probably twenty twelve for us twenty twelve thirteen years for a minute to because as we got married on the twelfth or is it always screws me up because our ever. She's five twelve thirteen Disney aniversary wrong and I'm the one who remembers so the reason she doesn't she doesn't get the day right. It's because we should give you guys to. He has birthday. They is January eleventh. No his birthday January. My point and our anniversary is February eleventh right right yes so I always today so I always get those days makes it not the month just the days so we met at. We're gonNA tell her story how we met Etcetera and we met at a Bible study that my cousin was hosting. We would go and preach Do Street preaching like crazy. People do in Santa Monica. Like you see Ray Comfort standing up there and doing the street preaching so we would go do that and then we would go back. My cousins hasn't do a Bible study. She wasn't at the evangelism thing. 'cause she had She had to work but I came back and and it was your birthday. Guess my twentieth birthday and and her and my cousin said hey you know. Let's call in. We'll have taken ice cream for her. I didn't know who she was. I knew Brian Your cousin and Ryan your brother. Yes so she knew she knew my brother and stuff so they call her over. Yeah I'm like I need to get to know this woman and and then I left with another guy to go for a walk true friend and it's a destiny goes. Does anybody WANNA go on for a walk. And she's like looking around you kind of looking at me. Maybe yeah and Sir. You told me this I know she was coming like not that she was like hey to crush on me or anything but I knew everybody else there. The only person I didn't know it's like people you know like hint hint and then my friend Kevin Jumps up and goes. I'll go on a walk with you. And they walked you and I didn't have romantic interests or anything. But he was just a friendly guy. Let's go so they all go on a walk and I'm like Oh man I didn't pick up on it but But then she let me borrow her car a random guy that you just met to go home because I had to leave before everybody else and so I I took the car home and I left a note on the Dash. And I'm like email me. Here's my admin on. AM Here's my AOL AOL address. Yeah very smooth my aol addresses something like punk in Caracas. For Christ it whatever the you know we all had that as early as pay extra screen name. Yeah something like that and so That was it I mean and and then we we started dating and we got married a year and a half later so it was pretty quick but Anything you want to embellish. That's pretty much emphasized. I talked the whole time but I feel like you should know that we talked. That's that was how we met. We talked on. AM Did did we ever go surfing together. No you always want to get up at like five. Am and I wasn't into that. Yeah but I would go but you would go with my brother and stuff and so yeah yeah good times. That's that's our entire story. That's everything there is about Sri Cross. Examine them or anything thing and try to show checks out then. I know you to Dan before I knew. Kyle no I remember. We were having a sleepover which we were. We do back in college days. All the guys will slumber party will slumber party playing video games and stuff one Saturday. One Saturday Kyle wakes up. And he's all chipper getting ready to go somewhere like. Oh you guys want to hang out and do something today. He's like no. I got a date with destiny and I'm like I date with destiny. Wait what are you talking about. I didn't know about person named destiny and it's a date with destiny. I don't think he ever explained to me. I just that's weird kyle and I don't want to mess this up but I I've heard I think I understand is a kyle up much more kind of sheltered and Cherchi like the church upbringing and you didn't quite as much. Is that ever been an interesting dynamic between you guys. I think it really helps with our like in our relationship and our parenting skills because I like I said I didn't grow up exactly like that but like my mom and I watched like the exorcist exorcists and I was like six years old. So I'm like oh about spirituality so I'm like Oh you know of emily rose met my. There's like scary movies so let's let them watch it and Kyle's like you know maybe maybe not maybe not. So we kind of go in the middle and we're like okay like something like let's watch twister twister instead. PG Thirteen which Kyle wasn't allowed to watch until he was like twenty. I saw twister when I turned thirteen. Because it's rated PG thirteen. And that's when I was a lot of watch. PG Thirteen movies your parents. It says right. On the movie poster thirteenth. It's right on the instruction sprint Uncle Brent. Yeah so if I had my way the kids would only ever watched veggietales and so it's a good balance..
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"GotTa Watch. No no no no take this point. There's got to have AIDS by now. He has to have staffers. I how about that. Is that a disease. Have staffers around him. That are going like staphylococcus going like you you know. Hey Joe cool it with the girls at the you know you got to have people that are like just be real careful you know I know I know you're your friendly guy and you like to you know. Put Your hands on girls shoulders or you know you just like you know you got that personal affection or whatever that's fine but just watch it you know but no. He's just it just barrels right through and they're like you know he's reached that point of being an old man where he just doesn't care what I'm GonNa do. I think George Bush senior here he had that thing he said to the lady meant it was I think. He said he was doctor. Doctor I I can't remember I lost it. Just don't turn next story in. Forget that I. It didn't end that sentence. You WanNa read one dear. You must be speak story. Three women advertising five different. MLM's on back of minivan must be extremely rich comma a successful Siri Reading Kama successful the essence of the the headline yes. I'm reading it on the PODCAST and rich antics. Because it's like the head so I actually saw a woman exactly like this and I've photoshop the van to be exactly what I saw I. There was a woman driving. Had like cincy young living herbalife all that. I'm just like Geez. Like how many of these can you possibly do. And how you keep up with all of them we got a lot of. MLM's and our families who had to be carefully say publicly Yeah do you guys like him. What do you think about? MLM's do you like it. Hard heading question. Yeah there my my sister and my best friend and my mom are big. MLM or so. I don't think you can. You can just go off. There's they go off load. They are they rich. Say they work a lot of hours. Do you have any thoughts on. MLM's just you know the the pyramid. You know what I don't need 'em slain it. Can I man spleen into you. Tie personally wouldn't Do in Milan. But I do like some of the things things that they sell. I like some of the products and the Tara things yes see see is i. I agree see I do so I you. To as a lot of essential oils mu two in fact some of the essential oil pictures that are in the Babylon be stuff that kyle buried in the ground. But I don't really we have the energy to go out there and do something like that but I do enjoy things article oils found or something she wakes up and she's like she'd text me at work and she's like why does my essential oils case. Have all this BERTA. I had to bury it King. David's for work dear so I do I do purchase things from there. I just don't sell the step so I don't necessarily have to agree with you on your timing and as a nurse so some of the health related stuff is the sciences. A little shaky. I'm going to just put that out there. I don't think is GonNa like cure cancer. I'll bet you'll be like an alternative on. This woman who uses over three hundred essential oils probably immortal. Well I remember somebody told. I don't know if I should say somebody told your mom like Oh this will heal your you know your spine. And she's like no. It's okay but your mom enjoys dotes era. I'm like an MLM's neighbor. Don't ask me fans so uh-huh I have a lot of autoimmune issues and Alabama. So I just get super annoyed when people prison things that our biggest biggest like us these essential oils for your asthma. And I'm like actually that makes it a million times worse like note and it's not just the central oil. That's what I find is like I'm not gonNA name names but like the ones where you buy a bunch of powders and You know they're all the research that they're telling their consultants to preach is coming from the company. You know it's kind of like exactly people are like I don't need my diabetes medication anymore and I'm like I should talk to your doctor. Uh Or if a friend of mine who literally will promote that. Her prodecures peanut allergy's own which are known to be deadly and Oh take the product and then do a trial run on your child give them a senior not a bad idea. Bad bad idea. Well we finally found a topic that gets him going. Yeah I was wondering about like L. M. Culture like at churches. Because I see it from the outside where it's like every get together that the women will have at some churches like just a sales pitch those wondering what you have you ever been to like an initiation ceremony or anything. Where they're like join us? Yes Roy A and it is very annoying. Please stop invited me to those especially when they. You don't say it outright. Yeah show up and you think it's a gathering of like. What is this pamphlet? Ah Putting in my hands. Like wait us in duped by have literally been in situations like that was like after Church get together with the girls and then there's somebody somebody from which don't buy it. There are some new from Tara. Okay Sandy were fine. But it's like I I want to give it to me but just handed wind class. One thing. I was really excited about. I one offense he gets Ooh for me but I did not sign up. I just I don't like I don't like to be tricked. I don't like to be duped. I get very upset and things like that happened. Don't try to cure diabetes. Okay and and just keep your hands off my diabetes. It's my diabetes. I'm just kidding at type. One Diabetes Diabetes. Take the room down. Keep talking about it. It's it's a thing here. I think yeah experienced the male equivalent of the culture in church like we went to a new church down San Diego and we had some guy that was older guy. So I'm like Oh maybe this guy wants to disciple me. He wants to be my friend and so he's coming up to every Sunday talking starting conversation and Macau Man. He's real friendly and great. Hi Dan yeah like he's you know he's got a wife and kids and so it seemed like always gonna I'm GonNa show me how to get out and then like four four weeks into this. He's like So have you. Let's get together after church and have lunch or something. I'm like okay and then we had some come up. I had to cancel on him so then he started texting me. Like long-form Messages Ages. Like have you considered a your life insurance policy. You know Blah Blah Blah. Who Still? It was a long con. It was like he's a real man to crazy easy. Wow I don't know have had any. I had one friend go nuts about magnets and he was just one of those guys that he he was just. Yeah he's a guy that gets convinced by pop up the shows you WanNa gazillion dollars if you click there and he's calling died. I just one gosh. I had a guy that was obsessed with we'd have got old churches obsessed with plexus and like he ended up leaving the church in like just bailing. He was leading Bible Studies. Instead of just all of a sudden stop texting everybody just left and in like six months later he texts me and he's like hey we're going to have a barbecue At the house tonight nine you know and I'm like Oh maybe you know we'll be serving the pink G.. Yeah exactly exactly you. Don't it was like in. There will be a giveaway and I'm like a giveaway away at a barbecue. Powdered beverages justly probably tick tick me of. Oh it's a plexus thing in my own should have had jerry seven and I got I got you I'm good I got got my pink drink. It's abysmal on. Ice Shaken not stirred. So we just gotTa the Frank Church that has like genuine fellowship and not like the the long con going on. What's going on in the church? What's up with a Mike in San Diego? It happens a lot because like now. I'm Kinda scared too like I'm not trying to be mean to anybody but like like a lot of military spouses you know There has been gone and I feel like they. They want to contribute and try to do something like that. So I feel like I you see it a lot there. I haven't seen it as much up here. I think. Have you Kyle Som- but yet it wasn't. There was definitely we we were. We were kind of in a military community in the why the husbands and the wives wanted to feel you know they wanted to use useful and they wanted to feel like they were bringing in money too and so it was just it was like they were kind of the perfect audience for that kind of a sales pitch. You can earn money at home. It's like oh I can you know I think it comes from a desire on their part I wanNA help you know but then I think a lot of people maybe take advantage of them. Well it seems like the companies are really me as very director that like the the wife who's at home stay stay at home wife who want an excuse to get together with friends and stuff like that and It just did it really. It's really targeting. But I did want to thank the Babylon because we had you guys have a story facebook to display warning whenever girl from high school about to sell you stuff. I've actually used this atta girl from high school. I hardly you're Haitham interested or not but I'm trying to find a couple of people today that would love to try our new healthy energy drink. Would you be interested in learning more so I just send you the link to that story. Yeah he was very offended it starts off a no thank you would would have been good or removing from your list. And then she went on about how this is her income. That's brutal it is pretty. You know it's funny. We were sitting back. You you guys were talking about the shampoos I mean he was talking about the. MLM's it gave me this like weird like we're in an alternate plane of reality. Where where are words? Do the Babylon and we're off. Like like. They have the podcast and they do stuff. Where at home making cookies do hair? Ethan's a nurse. You know the dance with with a million. When are you coming Home Shandra? You know she's like I. We gotta get the podcast recorded and you know. That's an aside. They might do a better job you never know they were doing great. I was entertaining to listen to you. Know we should sit back. Let them get going. Yeah that's why I kind of wanted we've been reporting so let's do. Let's do one more story usually three. But let's do one more because I think a got to pick the best one. Yeah we get one or two of one of these doesn't get them going but we're really trying we're like poking them with the stick. Come on shelter. Do you want to read the next story. Six four reasoning the weather episode number six and then possibly number seven because I know my wife will have thoughts on seven. So Sean to read number six and then you guys can talk and we will we. We will be quiet. The entire time discuss we will not talk. Starting no man show sacrificial Comma Christ like love for wife by throwing socks in general direction of laundry basket I am so triggered thing comma free of solidarity even if they mock us. We need to be firm. Stand up up for commerce. I let consistency. Thank you I do too and I like you a bond this for me. I am triggered by this as well. You know I can't okay. I'm sorry but when Ethan were first for living together got married. The Thing that bothered me was he. He always rolls up his sleeves on his bike. button-down shirt and then he would leave his socks in a ball and like I have bought him like every form of foot helper like foot. You know file like you know like Ahmo pay you know what I mean pumice you know and I'm like please use this because our bed like where his feet are is like the pile. I mean I'm not not even joking with high. All of those things come the leaf blowers yes low at all precisely so I went at one point I said to Ethan and you know I'm cool with doing your laundry you know. We're that's one thing I do in our household is I do all the laundry but will you please because when I would unroll his sock go..
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"And conditioner use it all over my body. The loss of a job I on Rag I create my own two in one for for men. I don't know if anyone's done joke about this. But for men they should have just like a fifty two and one everything in one like shipping dream deodorant deodorant paste motor oil. Oh absolutely every possible thing that you can eat. So I'm I'm curious. How many bottles of shampoo you are in all of our homes and I'm sure like one of the man and then probably the rest are not so? I'm curious how many total the offending not trying to cut her finger in the air on five people in our family with all different types of hair. So there's different types. Then there's there's so my oldest son Amit has very very very curly hair and it gets dry super fast so I have amused curling moisturizer. You know shampoo conditioner. Samuel has very straight hair but he has a lot of hair. It's very full. So he has and Calvin has a lot very fine hair so he has different and then load. So how many frigging Sham. I Apologize. We have the five bottles of shampoo and five conditioners one for each of our air types for each person has five for each one twenty five bucks. Each person has one shampoo and conditioner. But isn't that kind of spread out between two showers because like my shower. I have just my stuff in in there and then the kids bathroom. There's like fourteen different. Half used their bathrooms just like a disaster thirteen year. Old Girl too to so she is half the hair care products wells easily. They they switch them so sometimes like I want to take a shower and mom shower because it has better pressure and so a lot of there is an ours actually. I'll admit at times I have seen my caught a glance of like one of the names of Jessica Shampoos and it's like roasted toasted vanilla almond coconut and it sounds so good. I want drink. It just put all saw all use it sniffing and like every once in a while I just I just squeeze a little squeeze in the male version of that as like head and shoulders shoulder charcoal. I pretty much use head and shoulders. If I don't use it I just looked like I. I don't know like winter like Father Christmas. So do you guys find. Why did you and Joe Biden creepy? Are we leading. The witness asked that question. How do you feel about Joe Biden? Loaded how creepy do you find. Joe By one to Joe Biden. Asking how creepy is nine and a half to Babylon has told me that Joe Biden is creepy. Therefore he is creepy i. She's a very good way. The I didn't really know anything about it until probably the last year when Kyle started showing me all these pictures as of him and Mike. Wow don't come around my kids but yes I feel like. He's very creepy and southern when somebody's like he's not creepy. I just pull up a picture. Who really does not creepy? And I think he's creepy now. Well he also very strangely recently a camera they were the context and you give the context of this very strange clip. We have. It's just it's just him saying. So it's after the Iowa Caucus and Joe Biden is in New Hampshire talking to a crowd for Hammer Emma Rally for him and a lady stands up. I assume WHAT'S THE LADY I. I guess I shouldn't assume. But she stands up with the microphones time talk and she asked him like well. If you're going to be if you've been the vice president you've already been in the White House if you can't pull higher or do you hire an Iowa. How're you supposed to win against Donald Trump and he gets very very defensive about it and he basically says like have you ever been to a caucus and she's like yeah I have and she's like oh you're lying so I called her very interesting name so just to be clear that you lying doug? You're you lying dog faced pony soldier. Yeah I guess I read online. He's quoting like John Wayne movie from one hundred years ago people said Malarkey Yeah Malarkey is yeah maybe the. Maybe that was the film. I don't know what would the John Wayne Malarkey. Movie being like Malarkey in the old West or something yeah. Malarkey and Arkansas's didn't he also recently kiss granddaughter on the lips and they're really awkward. It looks like it's like family. I'm a little okay. You guys have your tradition. That's fine but it's the old fashioned but when it's him and you're like like like he has to have aids and stuff that are around him going. Hey you gotta.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Can buy there or you can head to Barnes and noble and you can buy there or you can purchase the audio book. I haven't recorded yet but it'll sound something reckless this okay so good previously was about yeah. It's called blackout. How all black America can make its second escape from Democrat plantation? Oh Man Spicy is very spicy of its flexible cool very awesome so it's already on preorder ams okay cool. We will also include a link in our show notes for anybody wants to check that out and candice who wanted to thank you for sitting in Los Angeles traffic for like yeah. We know you have like an hour life and schedule so we appreciate it so much. Thank you guys for having me right here. Folks the exclusive interview Candido in and we just like to remind you that we disavow everything that everything's disavow all right. What do you think that kyle the Candice Owens interview? That was our big interview yet. I think are most well known person. I was a little nervous about it because she is she is so many leagues above us and the weird it's just weird when somebody walks off the Internet into a little room with you and they're real now yeah and also like she started off with very serious looking face and I wasn't sure if she's going to laugh that was the scariest part because we had a plan to start with those funny stuff yeah and we weren't sure if he's an lap like she was like stone faced and she started laughing. She started laughing very hard. I was good so it was good acting on her part tack. We were funny. Bake laughing fake laughing. Yes great now is awesome really enjoyed it all right. We're GONNA do some hate male but not really hate mail order. I love love man. We're going to do well. We may have a couple couple hates in here but we're gonNA read podcast reviews from itunes echoes we love when you guys write reviews and we don't acknowledge you often enough because people that rate and review us on itunes. Yes you very special to us yeah so this is you love you. The most out of everybody. This is going to be an extended pitch for you to review us on Itunes or any of the STIG knowledge. There's some very well written reviews on here. They deserve. Let's probably GONNA be the most recent ones because I don't have time to scroll back through the very beginning apple's so weird. It's like if you're if you're accessing anything apple not on an apple device. It's impossible to find all right so here's this is I like this one five star review view from Brian Jamerson and he says often the Babylon is often fairly funny. Often is the name of the title of the review often and that won't be is often fairly funny. He's not very enthusiastic but I do appreciate fairly. I'll take fairly funny often fairly funny. I'll take it he means these are stories. Oh Oh no he's talking. This is a five star you often the Babylon be that was the whole review done that I'm just going to pick around one laughed so much amazing control of the structure covering story the topic and reader explaining in our podcast hate mail. This is Keri K. O. Hate mails particularly hilarious satire and sometimes serious. I laughed so much I had to reconsider listening while driving. Thank you carry five Star Review. I checked with snow pts and this isn't even satire. Articles goals great all caps podcast very good the which I probably agree with that the articles are highlight every time I read one hilarious. Keep it up. He's like Hey podcast is great. I love your calls the yelling and then at the end of this when they say these guys know about short circuit and Johnny five and I like that finally we found our person who got our Short Circuit Reference Short Circuit Great Movie we read some bad ones too was a good one a good bad one is careful paluck sixty. One says be careful Q. I don't know whether q at the end of that is that like reference to some conspiracy the humor humor is a little bit forced like it was supposed to be the main thing right thinking Christians. No the main thing is Christ Jesus not trying to be clever. Just over fifty percent of the humerus fine over fifty percent is fine. I don't understand. Is it a one star review. It's a two star so if over fifty percent it's fine shouldn't be three-star. You can't do to an probably he. Maybe he wanted to do two and a half right. Thinking Christians know that the main thing is Christ Jesus agree not trying to be clever just over. We're fifty percent of the humerus fine. He saying half are jokes are evil. I think is what he's saying. This is from This is a person who was mad about the bridget episode. Oh he does swab. Batmobile usually recognizes the potential for satire in the hubris of others this episode declines into the tired critique of older generations Ethan Kyle and bridget to you need some friends slash role models in their parents and grandparents humor satire insider timeless if you look be better be that was the one that we were making an old people I think so yeah I felt bad with that by that one. 'cause we all appreciate people. I'm not making fun of it. I love old people. I like reading criticisms myself yeah. Na does as to how she like. What did we say about people I don't know did we say something about all? I hope people we love. You and I'm sorry this review volunteers like senior centers I will I will be better fantastic. This was really cool. That's a good one five stars. This is like ex cop but the Babylon be that's mecom. It's good earth just do a couple more here. Holly Luhya Land Master after twenty nine eleven said every word is like a delicious bite of a chick-fil-a Sandwich to my eardrums. Here's a good one five stars lives dead with with the guest appearance of Ben Shapiro personally destroying lives in a house fire with the stinky leg and an epic mash up of facts and logic destroying all the libertad sand castles. It's truly beautiful castles efforts snowflakes Adam heard sand castles. It's great how about this one care current ninety six says secret messages await. I played this podcast backwards into my pleasant surprise her the entire gospel of John read enthusiastically by these two white dudes. I look forward to hearing the Bible read in its entirety subscribing now so listen to it backwards I like. How do you say Babylon backwards Ebner Alabama so here's one that says here's one that says you need more editing to stars editing editing editing? Take your forty eight minute podcast and edited down to fifteen minutes. I was these people always fascinate me Liz to a fifteen minute. I look at the top podcasts casts out. There are any of them three hours long in our in our they lack headed down. It's just people his snazzy fifteen minutes soundbite like nobody nobody. There's some nicely edited ones but I think it's mostly like the ones that are shows or audio dramas or whatever those are but yeah if a conversational podcast yeah. This is a conversational podcast if you don't what conversations in fact that's what we tried to warn people at the beginning right. This isn't like the site. This isn't satire articles and we're not going to try to pretend like we're being fake like where parodying being podcasts as I be really hard to pull off or just us and basically we were just lazy decided. We tried it though we we actually did it. It was not funny. We really tried to do like parody news stuff written stuff. That's took a long time to work up and it was not as good as us just talking which maybe just says that we are horrible writers anyway. That's the show all right well. We love you and write a thank you and right at some great amazing. Maybe you'll be featured will read words so we're GONNA go into our subscriber portion now. So if you are a subscriber you get to keep listening if you aren't then you will be thrown into the outer darkness darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth so that cloth and ashes if you're dressed for.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"Probably been on a lot got to be really bad ones interviews story. He actually haven't done interviews in a while because now I do the interviewing true so now it is though when you become interview right suddenly like hog gotta think of stuff to say yeah yeah. I definitely the thing that I had to adjust to was shot for me. I I think I have to just to talking. That's the thing when you when you're being interviewed you you have the things that you always talk about and you know they're gonna ask about those things and you're ready with answers yeah and then suddenly when you're asking questions yeah. It's different so if you were me interviewing new questions. Would you ask you. Oh I would ask me ever get a marriage is because I've got married jerks. We are huge in mentioned that basically working so since you are white supremacist married away man in Charlottesville Virginia by the way what Tiki torches everywhere this interview was over man and so how's that going for you in three weeks of marriage into the bass astor recommended. I'm now giving marriage vice versa. He didn't have an answer. She's never been asked this question. How can we make a headline for this candace Owen speechless? She's got new to answer. Crush zones destroyed owns immediately regrets offering marriage advice to the Bab lights always shut cutter down the Babylon be shut down. Do you know how many clicks that would get read on it. So when I got married I found like I used to come home and just bring myself pickup Carl's junior my wife divorce me on the spot so I would do this before I was married before but then I but then I kept doing or or and I would just show up with this so young. When you got married I was twenty and I I would show with food just for myself and I'd be eating it would be like to steer steering like what are you GonNa ask me? If I wanted any food you know and I'm like Oh that's right. There's another person here now like it took me a while to juniors a little little overrated yeah. I don't know if people do people like getting better. It's like Hardee's everywhere else right entireties. I don't know the price it's worth six dollars six dollar burger and four dollars yeah but it tastes like extra two dollars supposed to be really premium as six dollar Burger. Why don't they say like a six thousand dollar burgers? They can make any number was just an example sample. You know I think all kinds of in my defense ethan. What's your best marriage vice nicer man I wasn't ready? I'm speechless to you should uh give out to foot rubs. No actually I never even backrooms. Backer says an excellent point. I typically never go to bed. Angry angles live down everything. She says. Repeat it back to her laughing back Dr that'd get annoying doing though if you repeat it back everything he says back. That's like a way to acknowledge that there you know that you've heard them like the other day we're supposed to bring my kids shoes and she told me that I got the shoes and then so what I heard was she's bringing the shoe but released you meant she put the shoes on the mantle for me to get it and we got into the car. Neither of US had gotten shoes and you're driving off with a barefoot child and so she's like k every time we have to like repeat back to each other what the other ones said so so just be clear with each other. It's all communication. We're trying to help you right now. I thank you for calling in one one hundred percent. I repeat everything. My husband says back to him out. That won't be annoying so anyway so we think you should change your name to canceled. Cohen cancelled owens. You've probably heard like candice owns like asked aloom. I'm sure that jokes dun-rite yet and then there's the the mean take on what it it quarterly Salem owned the missile. I wish they were funny. I actually appreciate when people are clever are and funny and say rude to me. I'm like good humor something. That's actually really funny good one. They're not funny. I'm just going. That's actually just not funny. It's not a good this even if if I agree with somebody and they do a distance like oh come on you know which one I don't like is the Alexandria Cossio Cortez and they say a occasionally CORETEC seasonal cortex context. That's pretty pretty weak yeah. That's that's like. She doesn't think very much so it's occasional occasional cortex. I get it it. It's pretty weak though yeah this week are these hourly funny with like weird with eyebrows or something the country what he's talking about when I see characters versus a giant teeth Brunson teeth. I don't know so anyway when you got something. You really sounded like you had something like I said anyway and I hope you would jump in so imagine a world where you did not become conservative icon Candice Owens. Where would you be doing right now with your life? Oh I probably would still be working finance private equity yeah yeah I think for sure I got really in that really obsessed with politics and here I am. It's weird to me to think about that that your life can just completely change and Dan Jason the never thought you'd be doing. I had no interest in politics. Turn Up. I didn't need your political science. I mean just nothing and here I am. I actually say though I I think I do politics because a heat politics actually third to me like a calling here and I'm like well that just makes me angry great so I'm showing up very political convention and then it's Weird Congress the really they're actors. Have you ever heard people that weren't good enough to make it in Hollywood. How politicians is a and just seeing the amount of theater or the acting that goes on in there contending to cry and it's just weird spartacus I ab- sparring us it's gotta be Bizarre Alternate Reality Reality and live in that all day every day that was the craziest thing was the Taverna hearings when all those it we're basically all giving their campaign speeches and and they were just like these written new volumes Parkas and they're supposed to be questioning Dr Ford or whatever and they're like totally ignoring the whole country is watching watching it was just narcissism on top of narcissism on top of narcissism like it was it was a really bizarre that was that was really weird? The capital hearings that a poor man that was one of those moments or music. It's like as bad as they say it is bussing down people chasing people down elevators Alyssum Milano sitting behind him like who are sitting there randomly it's like what is she doing lost or order so here we're seeing Rickard. Surveys show that show extras where he plays an extra but he's always trying to like get his shot. That's what this is about me yeah but I agree. It's like to me I do politics because I want politics to stop right annoying my life yeah. I just want to go back to being normal didn't mess with my life so much I wouldn't care about it. I want people to be able to say I disagree with him. Not He's a racist rapist list yeah back in place of I disagree with you yeah that would be great yeah and that's what creates so much absurdity for us to make jokes because people always go to these extremes that are just so ridiculous this. It's like the layup for the perfect joke yeah. They're doing most of the workforce I I know. Your jobs are either really easier really hard because we can't we have to exaggerate which is hard to do know all the already the exaggerated. I couldn't get more executive at the same time. It's Kooky enough that there's a lot of stuff to to make fun of so well facebook book listed you as an agent of heat and secret. That's exactly what we were saying. We were joking around. We're like how do you become an agent. I can't tell you what's the agent of starring Candice Zillions with Mike Pence is like the man in the answer the secret document us once the deal. Is that like a real thing like had some spreadsheet floating around that said Yeah in Nick Nick. I guess they they had me on the list of maybe investigate agent of heat Mubin got Alzheimer's but possibly an agent of hate baby unit. Yes so yeah I mean I had no idea that I had that status. We'll have a picture of you lose. It sounds incredibly warrant you. You know that's nuts skin. That's so wild bonkers man. Did you like yeah all right well. We're awesome at this so this has exit going. It's going uh-huh and it's on my list. It's on your list of questions. That was a good transition must be going pretty well because the left wants me dead so that's always a good marker of how how how hard they try to assassinate your character. Have you ever had any like leftists Ninjas Jim out of the shadows you or anything Oh yeah you actually had run INS with anti-theft -solutely the everyone has story yeah. You haven't seen this vegan coconut milk shakes no eggs which really doesn't make their incredibly skinny any in pay status kind of weird. That's a Myron to be an antique up. They housing remember like in the nineties trolls with the bright hair. No real like the Yes yes super bright hair. We're told me in the troy little naked decontrol a little gem in his belly button and that's basically ANTIFA except they're cuter Than Shwe's trolls were so gross bellies were cute. If ANTIFA was only kid they wouldn't look like those trolls guessing go in voluntarily Alabama chief naked disgusting for that was PG program. We appreciate it but the the but it's just there but trolls the ANTIFA Ninjas can get her. She's an agent of hey ready with a backhand jumping. Pattern cheap like raises her fist. There's definitely some creative person listening to this podcast should turn that into a thing like a cartoon creative. People can draw it was the wrong side of the pen. So you got eggs Mantica yeah they the thought of a cafe who's reading breakfast on Villanova Yeah Yeah and then they show up wherever I speak they're always outside protesting and see what makes there's the other kind of like the like you usually hear about the Westboro baptists announce Antifa uh-huh yeah. They're the new Westboro they should get together. I don't know what spur the associated with yeah we'll be there could cancel each other out we just get them all together and we tricked into meeting in an alleyway punching each other ridiculous thing is they're allowed to cover their faces. I think that is just it is weird. It's weird to me that they think they're so brave and it's like you're so brave. Yeah you're definitely paid. Why's your face covered up this older how strange who pays him Antifa Fund and Anti Fund Anti Fund good do they have an anti named Antifa that was good far uh-huh jokes like ten of the jokes you come up with are not going to be using than one is used but when you do them live than bad ones come out and they're all being used you you guys strategize? This is how we I'm in Babylon. Strategy is a sitting in an office pretty much be spending. We have other writers throw in Atlanta ideas but like around the clock we basically just tell like one hundred jokes yeah and like two or three of them get published. That's that's bad. That's basically it. I mean that's everything right is like we worked so hard on stuff and you find what's good rises to the top so I don't know I don't know if that's similar to yeah you prepare for. You got to prepare for stuff to owns later today. Kaga three lips to later today better prepare when you gotta get you ready for it. I'm just living my best lay. What's what are the property? Tax is like on libs the maintenance tips for owning lives and that's one of the so anyway. Let's wrap things up interesting. Are you Do you have anything you would like to promote to our Oh yes of course my book blackout on Sales On sale for Fourth Twenty Twenty Amazon you.
"bee" Discussed on The Babylon Bee
"The interview and we are here with candace owens and our big crazy Babylon interview and off the top of my head. Kennison's is an American writer producer. Conservative commentator is very naturally yeah in early two thousand seventeen. I was just thinking back back a little while back Owens launched red bill black website to have to read this whole bio that was very natural. I just felt like you are a really smart guy. I'm full of fun facts perfect so thank you so much for coming on our show you guys for having me so because we're doing an interview with you and your controversial figure we feel like we should get some like stuff out of the way in case anything happens during this interview or they could play back. We we can just give them certain audio clips to play back right. We all are basically a coverall basis because so people expect certain things of us because we're so we just I want to say. How dare you say the audacity quite Davis? I want to ask how how you're able to sleep at night. If I may how dare you I would like to say that I'm literally shaking. Frankly frankly I just wanted to say the word frankly on what planet on on what planet I think we've made our point so now we can move into the about down the road hit you hit him off all the basis we basically just searched your name on twitter and then we just we just all the controversy. All the people were anders and we found you know that's what everybody says so now we're in the clear and now we can safely. I love frankly. That's always frankly. I think I noticed in that video. That's about right now. Unlike c-span yeah remember the girl she looked kind of cocktail because frankly strenuously Franklin knowing in word strenuously strenuously object. I just have to say that I object strenuously to your use of the word Hilarious I knew ASLI object. It sounds painful. I mean you did say that White. Supremacy is hilarious so I mean it's amazing. I think it's it's amazing that they do it. Live now are there are even wait they go. How are we going to edit what she said or what she didn't didn't say narrative and they don't just go right into it? It was incredible to witness it live. What do you think about those headlines? Come just says you know I was reading headlines. It pops up on my twitter notifications and says look on the search thing news candice own says what Supremecy isn't a problem. She thinks it's funny. I mean I I sent actually sent twitter an email about backs. I was so angry about it and I've been one of those people I upset since the beginning that we have to change the liable and slander laws uh-huh. They just need to be updated in this country. It's ridiculous if people can get away with her pistilli exiting something to say something entirely different I mean I think I opened opened. My statement second sentence I sat in front of Congress was white supremacy Israel and he'll at least six times hearing. I said that and yet twitter was allowed yeah with the headline. That says Kansas says white supremacy is not a problem yeah yeah that's crazy and that's kind of what it is is that it seems like the left paints white supremacy as this widespread issue and you're not saying it doesn't exist and you're not saying it's not real. You're saying that there are at least just one hundred things that are at least one hundred anybody wants to hear that you have did you bring the number one. We'd like to hear all literally anything. Oh be city city being tired in the morning as a bigger threat. I mean it's just it's staggering and the the funniest part was that to the people that were sitting in that congressional rational testimony was me we're doctors they got. PhD's bullcrap website bolts and they had not a single stat stat or a number and you even hear when Dr Balu Butts She's like I know I don't have numbers but to ignore the data now the reason we don't have those numbers. I want those numbers as much. Yes you do but the number to say the numbers don't show something is simply not supported by the data. which isn't that data the what I mean? What do you think it is? Why do you think the left emphasizes white supremacy has been this huge threat because it allows them to go out and stomp on to in front of Black Doc America and say we've gotta fix it allows them and paint Conservatives and Republicans as racist with that broad stroke and say that they're perpetuator I support it because they aren't doing enough to speak out against it and it's just absolute crap? I mean the scene crap before an election cycle literally every couple of years and I just don't like are we doing this again. Are we going to join this. They've had something like four hearings. Now on white supremacy in Congress has really weird really weird. It just feels yeah. It feels like like yeah. There's there's obviously guys out there around swastikas on their bald heads but you don't go on the street and like see it feels like we're talking about imaginary thing like I'm going to punch for saying that you're going to be on twitter's stories even the coaches vs the white readiness the bills like Alex Jones style conspiracy theory a lot of the times when I hear people going off from right I mean we everybody knows when when those instances happen obviously it's isolated it's fringe and it's horrible when it happens but to pretend this is like every every single day you walk down the street and we've just got Nazis. White supremacists is crazy and that's just crazy trying to sow division so it's something that's kind uh of visceral reaction of fear and that's why people are driven by the most people I would say though based on emotion or at least I can definitively state that about Gla- Committee for last sixty years reserves just there's no rational as to why we've been giving our Rosa Democrats and they've produced no results and are you know. All of our communities are pretty much decimated so I think that they play it. There now. Trump has done something like trump. DERANGEMENT is real. It is so real that is not a conspiracy theory aged up hearings on that that is the growth of trump derangement syndrome or the last two years is something that is widespread and now you see them drumming up all these other issues climbers mistruths. You've got kids that are going to kill themselves because the world is going to be over in ten years crazy completely emotional and irrational completely crazy so that you've got the black community all bent out shape about white supremacy. You've got these little kids that are skipping school because the the world's going on and it's just not just chaos really it's just chaos and we were going bring up bring that up because the girl was at the UN cra climate thing today I would just like to say she's sixteen. I just found that out and and she looks like she's seven younger or at least tries to find out that almost sixteen so I just want to clear out for anybody else out there listening with your what's take on young people being used involved like that like you're pretty young. I mean we're pretty. He's he's a lot a lot older than we but you know. What do you feel? How do you feel like what would it children have to contribute to the conversation and at what point are they being used versus honestly contributing to a discussion? I mean they're pretty much much always being used does a reasonable left. Democrats want to lower the voting age to sixteen is kids have no rolex reince and and it's very very easy to manipulate them because they have no relief experience so really there is idealistic like hey everything should be free. That sounds like a great concept. I mean something that if you sat down a five year old and said how should the world run made say everything is free because they think that that's just the way things should be but you get a little bit of living experience in in in your in the world and you realize it's always a second that's actually not the way it should work or how they do work and you know the reasons why you start paying taxes and suddenly a lot of your idealism gets wiped away the kids like Greta and unfortunately she is being used by her parents by the on the Global World Stage Right now. The thing that to me is upsetting actually feel bad ad for her his you can't you can't wipe that away like she's always going to be this girl in the same way that David Hog is always going to be David Hogg. Now you know what I mean so when they grow up one day and they go off man really stupid phase. It's like your girl side ponytail that was like crying. Ten years feels like you make an argument and then the person tries to fight back and like you make you say something dumb and then they punch you and you hold the kid up in front of you and they get hit and then you're like why hidden exactly that is exactly what punches a kid and Bernie Ernie nation in terms I mean did you see so I posted a video wasn't there was this was an adult. This was a white woman adults who shrieking about Oh climate change at the climate. It's really something to be seen like you could not see that in a zoo. What is she was like? We are oh you guys. Have I kept seeing the dancing guy and it was like I bleach you know to take care of it but so so you go to these things I mean. Do you have to bring your own mic DRP. Do they provide a mic. Drop the MIC would you probably are. Can you use this one. It's older. I wish I mean that would be absolutely hilarious. It's I did that. Prompt Mike. You get fired up at these things or you can't. You can't believe what you're hearing in. I mean yeah always amazes me that they're just doing this thing and they're trying to. I mean they're obviously trying to talk over you and not let you say your piece and then it comes back and you actually fight back and they're like shocked. Like what do we do. It's kind of it's kind of funny to me. Yes so the ranking Chairman Raskin the Democrat he actually tried they always try to play tricks during the hearings so what actually happened was illegal back and forth so Republican get some time and Democrats in time and he was playing a numbers game they have the majority in everyone had gone except for him he said Oh. Would you guys like to say something thing to Canada said today and he thought that was it. These girls were actually supposed to have the last word Dr Balu last-second Mark Meadows Republican walks in as Dr Blue is going on her spiel so I essentially only got to rebut because I was basically saved by Mark Meadows he came in and then suddenly he was like can I have my time chairman airman and then he sees his entire time to me. Jim Jordan jumped in so I mean they were actually going to let those women have the last word and just go on attacking me the and then say hearing hearing over so it's like getting lick invited on C. Span. You got a call from C. Span Guy I think like me and they get a lot of us. I I am. I HAVE TO ASSUME SOME SPICE IT UP ON C. Span Boring Sauteed. That's exactly right well. There may be dead space in our interview because we're not out of the mounts. Don't worry.