20 Burst results for "Anneke"

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

04:12 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

06:13 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"Me feel empowered. Wow, I am struck by how mature your intuition is to do that. And you know, maybe that's kind of similar to what Annika talked about in her interview, having survived so many assaults at such a young age that it kind of that this other part of her brain came alive that there was something more in the world almost like you get this different perspective when you're in a tremendous amount of pain sometimes. Anyway, things people have said are done that have helped you that it was okay that I was upset that I didn't have to be okay and that they were there if I needed anything. They didn't try to fix it. They were just there. Beautiful. Beautiful. This is from the struggle in the sentence. This is filled out by a woman who calls herself a recovery, doesn't get a day off. About her depression, which is dysthymia, in her case, living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die. That's Hall of Fame. That's Hall of Fame right there. About generalized anxiety disorder, hearing dramatic music get louder and louder and louder, but never seeing the threat. You are good at this. About her anorexia, which she specifies is eating disorder, not otherwise specified. The constant voice saying you're too fat to have an eating disorder. I have heard so many people share that and it just breaks my heart that on top of all the shit they're dealing with that they don't feel like they belong. I don't ever let anybody judge whether or not you have an eating disorder. If food causes you anxiety and to break promises to yourself and feels addictive, it is an eating disorder and fuck what anybody else thinks. About her social anxiety, I'm an actor constantly rehearsing lines for everyday conversations. When will this play end? Man, you are good at this. Thank you for that. This is from the one who has helped you survey, filled out by a woman who calls herself Angela. Angela chase, her issues are PTSD and generalized things. Anxiety disorder. What's helped you? Having grown up in a very unpredictable environment, setting up routines in my adult life as well as being able to provide a predictable and stable life for my own children, gives me a lot of satisfaction. Exercise and a lot of comedy helps too. What if people sat or done that it has helped you? It was extremely hard for me to talk about my past trauma with my therapist. During a particularly tough session, I was able to talk for the first time about a pretty traumatic event. When I finished talking, it was what the fuck is going on with my printer. When I was finished talking, it was quiet for a bit, and then he said, if someone had done that to my daughter, I think I'd be in jail for killing them. It was such an uncharacteristic break in his professional demeanor that I was taken aback. But it meant so very much to me because it was just so human. It made me realize how little my own parents had done to help me. And for the first time it made me think that I had deserved someone to be angry for me in the past. That's beautiful. That is beautiful. And I love when people have breakthrough moments with their therapists. I love when I have. This just filled out by a woman who calls herself, starts name starts with M this is a struggle in a sentence about her love addiction. Any time anyone shows me any kind of affection or kindness, I am lit up for hours like a firework, exploding. When someone doesn't respond, how I would like, I think they hate me. Snapshot from her life. Hating myself so much that I latch on to a favorite celebrity and ingrain myself in them. I take over their interests, fashion, even foods or hair color and use them as my own. Anything I have legitimately liked on my own or discovered myself, I've ignored, removed myself from or thrown away certain things to erase it from me. I wonder if I am a fake person, if my metal issues are false. I've yet to see a therapist. But I worry about using someone else and trying to find myself through them is the fake is the fakest thing of all. You know, I wouldn't use the word fake. I would just say that it's not organic to you, that it's a distraction from you. But that is not. That doesn't mean that you're a fake person, you're a person in pain who is struggling to find a sense of self, which I think we all do. And the most convenient place is we try to find a reflection of ourselves and others, but it can really be a dead end street. So I think therapy would be a great thing for you. This is an awful moment filled out they want women to cause yourself Jay and she writes, I took physics in high school, the teacher was funny and engaging. And while physics isn't really my thing, his enthusiasm for the subject material and my desire to do well meant that I paid attention. And never more so than when he described in explicit detail what happens when someone jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge to commit suicide. Just as my father had ten years earlier. That is so fucked up. That is so. Very fucked up. I wonder if that occurred to him that. I mean, that just seems like a really bad thing, you know, describe them watermelon falling off a building or something else, but at least he cared about his subject matter. This is struggle in a sentence filled out by Jess about her depression. She writes major depression feels like those dreams, you have, or suddenly your legs feel like sandbags and you try to run, but you can barely lift your feet. Snapshot from her life. I'm at work and I asked to speak with my boss privately

Anxiety disorder Hall of Fame Angela chase Annika dysthymia anorexia depression PTSD Angela Jay Golden Gate Bridge Jess
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

07:31 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"When I'm feeling sad, I go to the piano, choose one of the most heart wrenchingly sad songs I know. And for those three and a half minutes, I'm transported out of the murkiness of my thought riddled mind into a present moment. It's like my mind is cleared nothing else matters. When I play a particular chord or sing a note clearly on pitch with just the right amount of vibrato. I'm surprised that beautiful sound is coming from me. Sometimes it's like I lose all sense of ego. And become merely a conduit for the music, which seems to come from somewhere way above and outside of me. As much as it seems to come from literally inside of me, I'm not a religious person, but this is the closest I ever come to experiencing a higher power or something bigger than myself. You just described to how I feel sometimes when I play guitar or I do comedy. It is the feeling of something passing through me. So I very much relate to that. And I'm so glad that you found something that moves you and calms you and allows you to express yourself. What if people said or done that has helped you? My singing teacher has been like the mother and therapist I never had. She has this gentle way of speaking, even when she's delivering criticism that makes me feel at ease. She taught me the genuine expression of emotions is the most valuable thing a singer can have. This helped me overcome the perfectionistic tendencies that years of classical training had instilled in me as well as my crippling stage fright. There should be a band named crippling stage fright. I would pay to see them without hearing any of their songs. She taught me how to be vulnerable, brave, and unapologetic all at the same time. She taught me to make the most of the voice I was born with, that while I was never going to sound exactly like Dionne Warwick, I had my own voice that was special and powerful. And most importantly, she taught me how to accept praise and to be kind to myself. Thank you for that. This is a struggle in a sentence filled out by Marie about her depression. She writes severe depression, wanting to shout to those people closest to me that I just need you to listen to and love me, but my tongue has been cut out of my mouth. About her PTSD. The triggers are like having to take the biggest shit ever and there is nowhere to squat. I mean nowhere. Thank you for that. You know, I love any good shit analogy. Is that an analogy or a metaphor? I don't know. This is from what has helped you. Filled out by a guy who calls himself an alternate name for rose and what has helped you. I his issues are high functioning autism slash nonverbal learning disorder bipolar disorder, severe seasonal affective disorder, and addiction. And what have people done or said that has helped you, and he said, I've had a couple of close friends who, when I've called in the middle of the night in a panic breakdown mode, say, hold on. I'll be at your house in an hour, and they are true to their word. Whether it's talking through my issues or simply providing a means of distraction through a movie or conversation, or even, and this is almost juvenile and childish, take me out for ice cream. Everyone should be so lucky. I'm a fan of the ice cream one. I think that's awesome. I think they're all awesome. This is. Struggling in a sentence, filled out by a woman who calls herself can't sleep won't sleep in about her sex addiction. She writes guilt, shame, embarrassment, though it is in my past. I feel like I walk through a graveyard of past partners every day. Their headstones read here lies another empty soul who couldn't fill yours. And loving memory of someone who loved fucking you, but could never love you the way you deserved. Thank you for that. A lot of people don't understand how serious sex and love addiction is, that it is deadly. It is deadly. This is filled out by. This is what has helped you survey filled out by struggling parent. And she writes that her issues are severe depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD. I think somebody should build a building of apartments called the PTSD complex. Pardon my stupid jokes tonight. What has helped you deal with them? Therapy, yoga, taking walks in nature, or at the gym, spending time with my husband, guided meditation apps, meds, affirmations, sharing my stories with supportive people, making crafts, watching movies. What if anythings of people said are done for you that have helped you with your issues? My therapist reminds me of the idea of the good enough mother, a concept coined by David Donald winnicott. I beat myself up. Here's my printer suddenly printing. I beat myself up all the time. I actually have there's a ghost in our house that is very productive. Likes to do a lot of word processing. I beat myself up all the time because I think that I'm not a good enough mother. But my therapist reminds me that being a good parent is not about perfection, but about making yourself medley available to your kids and helping them feel safe. Well said, I'm not a parent, but that makes perfect sense to me. This is the struggle in a sentence, the struggle in a sentence. The struggle in the sentence survey filled out by Kate, and her serious health issue, she writes, I feel like I don't deserve to call myself a cancer survivor because I never had to have chemo or radiation. My cancer doesn't feel cancer enough, despite it taking a huge toll on me. I wonder if a cancer survivor support group would be a good place to, oh, actually, she just writes here that I, you know, because she's young, she writes, I tried to find a cancer survivor support group for young people. Of ovarian cancer, but there aren't any. Well, I wonder, I wonder if you could go to one that aren't for young people and still share your issues because a lot of times it's not necessarily the issues as much as it is, the universal feelings that we're all having. Which is usually low self esteem, you know, you know the greatest hits. This is from the what has helped you survey filled out by a woman who calls yourself, actually she's a teenager, she's 16. She calls herself chronic life. Her issues are chronic pain, depression, anxiety, and trauma from an assault. What's helped you? I took a notebook and wrote, I deserve to be loved. I am here, and that is enough. Over and over again, I was feeling really bad in just wanted to hurt myself, but I did that instead. It was the first time that I didn't feel selfish about wanting something positive for myself. At first I thought it was stupid, but I started to feel better the further I got. I felt free for a while and didn't end up hurting myself. With being in pain all the time, writing helps me release it in a healthy way and makes

PTSD depression disorder bipolar disorder severe seasonal affective diso Dionne Warwick David Donald winnicott cancer Marie autism Kate ovarian cancer trauma
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

06:03 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"Nuclear, destroy it. Or I let myself live another day, still knowing I have the dynamite strapped to my chest every day. Snapshot from her life. 28 years old, my first major manic bipolar one break. In the span of 5 months, I was fired from my job mainly due to my depression, celebrated a wonderful one year anniversary with my loving husband than it happened fast. I cheated on my husband, not the first time, started to spin into mania, continued long distance relationship with this new man, lost ten pounds, stopped sleeping, filed for divorce, moved out and packed my things to move across the country from my new romantic interest who was still married to his wife. And it would still be months before they divorced. Funny how being out of my mind manic made these changes so much easier. It all seemed perfectly rational at the time. Got bipolar. Wow, that is intense. This is what has helped you survey filled out by a woman who calls herself. I am not my mental illness, her issues are depression, compulsive behaviors, and anxiety. What has helped her medication and CBT were and are incredibly helpful, particularly with finding the right psychologist and counselor that I felt like I could be open and honest. I do my best to live a healthy lifestyle and I stick to routine to help keep my stress down, which triggers my anxiety. And allows my meds to work properly. I don't really like having to take medication, but I am being as healthy as I can. My meds give me that little extra push to keep going. What if people said or done that have helped you? Listening without trying to problem solve. Oh, that's such a huge one. When people start jumping to solutions after I open up, it makes me feel like they only heard the problem in that my feelings. The best thing someone did for me was help me call a therapist and they drove me to my first appointment and made me feel less alone and this daunting task became doable. Now if you look at that on the surface, surface you would say, well that person was trying to fix your problem. But I think the difference is, is they were participating in it, which is a sign of love and that they are feeling you because if they didn't feel you, I don't think that they would go to the effort to do that. But the sentence that you said, it makes me feel like they only heard the problem and not my feelings is that is such a concise way of describing what can turn us off to the opening up to people. This was filled out by a woman who calls herself Martha the mess about having borderline personality disorder. She writes, it makes me feel like I'm less than human. I can't relate to people. I can't be without people. I can't understand people and all I want is to be loved. I get what I think I want and I spiral out of control with insecurity and fear. I lose what I want and I wish I was dead. Medication after medication doesn't help. Actually makes it worse. I know I'm not this horrible person, but the voice in my head is so strong and so cruel, that it beats me down until I feel like nothing. I wonder if I'll ever get better. Can I beat this? I'm so scared I can't. Well, I don't know that much about borderline personality disorder, but one of the things that I've had heard, especially from talking to our guest psychiatrist and Melanie Watkins, she said that typically borderline personality disorder can't be managed really just with meds. It's not something you can throw meds at, but one of the things that can greatly help is dialectical behavior therapy. So if you haven't done that yet, you might find a therapist that specializes in that. And you know I had to deal with somebody who I think has borderline personality disorder recently. And the image that I just had of them was that they are a porcupine trying to get a hug. And it broke my heart because I was trying, I was trying to reach this person and all I got was the needles and I one of the things I learned was to not take it personally and to not make it your right you're wrong. You know, one of the things I hear about dialectical behavior therapy is a lot of it is reaffirming that you hear what that person is saying and that you understand what they're saying. Anyway, this is from what has helped you survey. And this was filled out by a woman who calls herself and Tiffany, her issues are depression, history of self harm and bulimia, low self esteem, persistent feelings of loneliness, emotionally distant parents, and healing from an emotionally abusive relationship. What has helped you deal with them? Singing. A few years ago, I decided to take up private lessons while I was aware that I was a novice. I thought I'd be at least an okay singer since I had learned. I've been learning piano for most of my life and was quite musically inclined. Turns out I really sucked. I was so depressed after my first singing lesson, then I nearly scrapped it all together. But I'd already already scheduled in a bunch of lessons, so I made myself practice every day because I didn't want to embarrass myself by continuing to suck or even worse being a quitter. After about a, hey, you know, if you ever want to be a quitter, you're just email me. Actually, I got a book out called, come on, let's quit together. After about a week, I realized I enjoyed the sensation of singing so much. The vibrations it caused in my body in the sense of release it gave me that I didn't really care about sucking anymore. I got hooked on the process of learning and improving and now three years on, I can finally say I have a pretty nice voice.

manic bipolar depression Melanie Watkins Martha bulimia Tiffany
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

08:36 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"I'll leave and sometimes say we don't have time for people to share because we only have about 5 minutes left, but do you have any questions and guys will raise their hands? And they'll just start sharing with no questions. Oh man, these guys are just dying to be heard. Yes. Just dying to be. And because of that, I really have to structure the group and it's a challenge, but I also share. And I know that there with that population. Bring hope because they look at me and they go, wow, you went through that, you survived that, then there's hope for me. And they'll say it. And I know it's true. I know it's inspiring. And they give me so much. But I feel particularly useful because I know all these issues because whatever they're bringing, I've been there. So I can go to the specifics of the emotional reality and address it and be with them. So it's beautiful. Isn't it weird how the most painful things in our life can be the very thing that gives our life meaning and purpose. Absolutely. And I have to say, and this may sound really weird, but I don't regret anything. I feel that the insides that I've received on this path are absolutely what I needed and wanted. What do you say to somebody who's out there and listening and just feeling traumatized by their story? And can't imagine how they could get to a place where they would ever feel grateful for what happened to them. What would you say to them? Well, first of all, I want to say I totally understand. I totally understand. I mean, trauma is overwhelming. That's the first thing. You don't have to be grateful. Everything that I do is for me, first. Going into the prisons is part of my healing. And I don't say that selfishly. I say that as my life really is in the context of healing because it has to be. So wherever you are, the most important thing that you can do is to just really accept it and really say, hey, I'm here. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with being right exactly where I am. It's okay. It's okay to be right here, and sometimes I tell students, if you really knew, if you were in touch with all the feelings relating to your trauma, you would fully understand why you're here now. Emotionally. So if you don't understand why you're there and you feel like you should be farther along, forget it. You're there for a reason. It's fine. You're there because you need to be there. And yoga sounds like such a perfect vehicle for acceptance because whenever people start yoga, myself included, my first thoughts are I'm not doing this right. I'm not flexible enough. I suck at this and the one thing I hear teachers say over and over again is there is no ideal for yoga. It's wherever you are at it right now. If you can only reach forward two inches to stretch your legs. That's okay. Right. There is that vehicle to physical vehicle that every pose is a constriction, and within that constriction there's choice. You can stretch those two inches or not. That's the whole point. You don't need to. We're doing this. There's a pose. There's a form, doesn't matter. What the form is. You just make your choice, whether you want to go deeper and have physical sensations or whether you don't want to go deep and you want to take it easy today. You just take care of yourself, and whatever choice you make, there's no wrong choice. There's no wrong thoughts. Not in this practice, there's nothing that you can do that is wrong. What does yoga give you? Aside from teaching yoga and bringing it to other people, your personal relationship with yoga, what is it giving you? Well, my physical practice has always been the perfect physical therapy, so as I said, I should be a cripple, but I'm not, I did many things, and I still run, I still do other things, but yoga is physical therapy, and it's makes me feel so good, physically. And of course, mentally, we know that it alleviates depression as well. And for a long time, I did quite extreme kind of physical yoga because I had so much anger and so much to get out of my system, so that's what I needed to do. I imagine you had so much trauma trapped in your body. Yeah. Yeah, and ashtanga yoga was like, yeah, go for it. Just get it all out. And so yoga really helped me to get back in touch with my body and accept it. And but I do see yoga as a way of life. Everything is yoga to me. There's nothing that's not yoga because everything every aspect of my life is part of this spiritual journey. That is towards greater truth and certainly greater love. I feel that I am aligning, trying to align myself more with love and that that's the right thing to do, that that's our role. That's our job. So where can somebody start? And I completely agree. And. Know that feeling when, because my life used to be dominated by anger. Yes, mine too. And selfishness. And as I began to heal and support groups and began to learn how to get vulnerable and was able to give and receive love, then love became greater than anger, and I started to get more peace, but to the person out there who has more anger than love, that just can't has trouble giving love and just can not get enough love, or doesn't want love. What do you say to them? Well, the problem is really that it's hard to receive love because it's really all about self love first, and we can't give to others what we don't have ourselves, so the problem often with people who have been very traumatized in my own problem is how do we receive love? We may not recognize it, first of all. Or it may be triggering. And yes, and certainly with sexual abuse, the idea of love may seem really creepy. So it's the quest for unconditional love, right? We want to know what is unconditional. So these messages of self affirmation and self acceptance and embracing the anger, I mean anger is very important. We have to accept that we're angry and we have to embrace it and we have to say, hey, this comes from some place. And whatever place it comes from, makes it that it's completely valid for me to have these feelings of anger. So have them. And if they can possibly be directed, not inside a trigger, but to the original source, I guess that's the work. So we try to do some detective work and find out what the source of that anger is either through therapy or support groups or self help books or. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then sits like research into the self. Because you're looking into your own psyche, if you my greatest challenge is anger. So there's a part that self control never quite worked. I'm not going to do it again. It never quite work, and it really is what you say, that the love had to become greater. I still, you know, I still will lash out. And I lash out and you're a monster. I become a monster.

depression
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

06:39 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"Without getting involved without getting too much involved in relationships with those people. Also because I was too scared. So I can't imagine how littered with triggers. I have a lot of daily life. Must have been and continues. Continues to be. Yeah, this microphone literally is a trigger. It is. You know? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have them shaped like penises. You know, to this day, when my wife will come up and touch me, she's like, you recoil from my touch. And it's because that's the way that's what my mom would do. She would come up and she would drink me in with her eyes and she would stroke my skin and it was my mother is like that too. It's just gross. Yeah. And it makes her sad. And you know, when I try, I try so fucking hard to not feel that way, but it's a trigger. Well, you gotta honor it. That's all, right? Yeah. That's what I do. I try to honor my triggers. I have to say, coming to the United States from France, I was living in Paris at the time. Has I've really felt I've really, there's a privilege. No doubt. I mean, the fact that I was European spoke with a slight accent, white, young woman. It just made things very easy. So I was actually able to even the profile of the man I should marry was in the instructions, and I have never had to work, so I have this privilege. And so I've always been in a place where I could heal, I could focus on healing, and also could. Work with the triggers, you know? If I need an hour to prepare to go somewhere, I see I came early, but it's not by accident because going somewhere, especially the first time is a very big trigger. I bet. Because my mother used to take me in the car. So, having to go somewhere is always loaded. So I prepared tremendously. I have to prepare a lot. So, and you know, like taking my daughter to school, it's been a very big challenge, and so I've had to meet it, and I've become sometimes I really prepare. I try to control it and preparing it, but I'm aware that I'm trigger and I'm aware that it's there that it's an issue and so I can work around it. Now if I had to work full time and I had all these triggers, it would be a different story. I wouldn't be able to honor them as much as I do. How when you say you haven't had to work, how do you get around having to work? Well, I do have to work actually. I mean, this is passed. In the past because you were with men who supported you. I was with my husband, basically. I was the profile exact profile described. A son of New York bankers, my age, not an older man who made his own fortune. So. I've been privileged and so I know that. I know that I'm privileged. And it's helped me to have this time to work with triggers. And to work around them, and I am now working more than ever in my life. I'm working very hard. It's the first time I've really been passionate about something. And so, but I still have to work constantly with the triggers because I will spend sometimes 70 hours a week working, and I really need all my tools to remain mentally healthy. And give time to the trigger sometimes. I can't imagine how many triggers they're must be going into the prison system, or at least initially. No, well, I actually failed right at home because it does remind me of the network in certain ways and I felt good there. If you remember. But also, I guess I felt the chaos, well, first first went to saint Quentin, so there were all these men, men there, but I wasn't really worried at all. Because I didn't really notice psychopaths that I didn't really notice the people from my past because as you said, you know, they don't get caught. So. No, I felt right at home. And instead of meeting those people that were psychopaths, I actually met people more like me that I could really relate to. Men and women. People had been abused. Who have trauma in their past, and I found that the men that I was there to see, they were so sweet and humble. And so I found exactly the opposite of what I thought I would find. I find a profound population that is victimized. I think too, when I was sharing with Annika that I go into jails here in LA sometimes in talk about living without drugs and alcohol. And I was very nervous before I first started going in there. This was maybe 9 years ago. And the thing that shocked me was you get a group of gang members or whatever these people had done. They're in jail, but you get them in a day room. Outside of the rest of the population, they are looking for a chance to let their guard down and stop being the tough guy. And I've had, you know, gang members with shaved heads and the teardrop tattoo. Right. Break down and say that they're tired of living the way they're living and to this day it's one of the safest places

saint Quentin Paris France United States New York Annika LA
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

07:36 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"You know, as you share that moment with him, I think that might be the ultimate example of how people are both dark and light. Absolutely. You know, this is a psychopath. It tells me that there's hope for psychopaths if there's enough love. Because that was what it was all about. He made himself vulnerable, which takes a lot of courage, but he did. And there was this long pause when he asked when he said he was sorry, and he asked me to forgive him. There was a very long pause. And I had this power. I had been suddenly given this power, and I had been, of course, very abused. So it wasn't clear. If I was going to embrace it, embrace him being weak. We being vulnerable. Horrible. For in that week in the network, but vulnerable. Exactly. So I just said I love you. Wow. And what did he do to cry? She was adding her head, yes. What emotions come on up for you right now? I feel very soft. You know, that was this one moment in this person's life. I had a dream and then found out he had been killed that night, so there was a connection. Even though I was a child and he was a pedophile and you know everything else from knowing his story I also found out that later on he was involved in very dark things, killed a lot of people, and one person who had been shot in the leg, or his leg might have been shot off or killed that the whole family of that man a boy at the time was a young boy who looked at him in his mask of fallen off. His literal mass could be. It's literal mask. They wore masks, huh? Yes. And this was another big mystery mysterious thing in Belgium. That happened in the 80s. So this surviving boy, now a man wrote a book and said that this criminal is that's the person who shot me and killed my family and not necessarily believed, but I know that it's true because he shot him in the leg. And he had been stabbed. In the leg by his father and he stabbed me in the leg. So. That was his thing. This was there was that trauma. Of the betrayal. The father stabbed him after finding him in bed with. His mother. But the father was already abusing him also, so the father felt that the sun. Which is. Was betraying him rather than the wife. And then ran after the sun and committed this violence to his son and stabbed him in the knee and crippled him. And so. He replayed that trauma his whole life long. Because he continued to love his father and he continued to feel that he was a traitor. And so he continued to feel that he could never be good. So there are certain feelings when you say psychopaths mimic people's feelings. No, there are feelings. You know, I think on some level the trauma is always a very important factor, I think psychopaths like my mother, I don't think my mother received any love when she was very young, in the first years of her life, when this limbic system really develops. There's a blueprint for an emotional life. I don't think if a child is never seen as innocent and cute and a baby, you know, a baby. It's a baby's not reviewed that way. And this can be one baby can not receive that from their parents, but another one can, you know? So I think that mixed with abuse usually creates just these horrible criminals. But I don't think, I mean, I know people like to say that it's this physical thing and it's certainly has both. I certainly have the blood of a psychopath, so all the ingredients to be a psychopath and certainly the abuse, but it's something that can be overcome, just like anything else. Have you ever engaged in any behavior that shocked you or you were like, oh my God, I'm heading down the wrong the wrong path. No. I was given a spiritual break. I was given an experience, right? The last night in the network, when I had been tortured and when I had committed violence and, you know, I would have not survived. I didn't, in fact. So I had an experience. That gave me a taste of what we can have if we follow the spiritual path and we follow truth. Rather than trying to get that sense of bliss and this feeling of love, great love through drugs or sex or which I had all experienced, I'd experienced ecstasy insects with this abuser who wanted me, you know? And I had experienced certainly I'd been given a lot of drugs. And had experienced incredible highs on the drugs, so I was given this taste and then to know what a strive for, I think. And the instructions that helped me to never really do anything too crazy. The only thing is that sometimes I place myself in situations that were not completely safe as a young adult, and then I ended up acting like a hero, but while placing myself in that situation first. So it's not a real hero. Can you be more specific if you're comfortable? I am thinking perhaps of one incident here in LA in Compton, driving through Compton 2 a.m. in the morning in the 80s when I lived here. And I was with friend and I had an old car and was almost out of gas. We're going to get some gas at a couple of dollars of cash on us. And it gets some gas. And it was not a good scene at all. It was felt very dangerous and not the right place for a white woman 2 a.m.. And there was no gas attendant in the cubicle, and there was someone standing right next to it and said, I'll take, you know, I'm the attendant, I'll take it for you.

Belgium Compton LA
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

07:55 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"No, I never would do something like that. That's super confused. But not actually she didn't categorically deny it either. But so she tried, she tried to get the power back and then that was the last thing she did. And that worked. She molested me and the shame that I experienced at her shamelessness and. I felt I felt like I could never. Live after that and so I sort of got back into her world, taking the verbal mocking and. The projections, bland, ugly, after she molested you, did that help shatter your image that your mom was always right. Well, it had already been shattered at that time. By the person that had told you, your mom isn't because I know it can take a long time for that ideal that we have to create a parent to survive because if we know our parents a monster, how are you going to live? Yeah, you're not going to be able to get out of bed. Right. Those Legos don't play by themselves. You got to get out of bed and work those Legos. So once you began to know who your mom really was, was that a good thing because you still had to live with her for some time? No, I forgot again who she was when I was in the network and when I was being when my eyes were being open to who she was. That's how things got really, really bad because my mother wouldn't take it. So she just stepped up the pace. And she did everything she could, including, after she including taking me back to a group of after I was supposedly not to be taken anymore. I mean, that was her drive. Her biggest drive, she appears to anyone is kind of a weak woman. Maybe sexually inappropriate, but the willpower that she put to work in my abuse and seeing that I would be suffering was tremendous. So my eyes have been opened. I had been opened, then things just really got to really, really bad. Just anything, and since she psychopathic, there were no limits, so there really were no limits. One time she. Didn't pick me back up. So she would drive me to a place, but she didn't pick me back up, and she said that she was going to do that because I had said that she was no good, which was influenced by what I was learning. So she left me, and I was there for 5 days, and I nearly starved. To death. And then she came and got me on a Thursday, a day before she was going to take me back again. So, she had no limits, but she was practical. It was like she wanted to kill me, but she also wanted me to be alive so she could continue to kill me. Her two. Did she have the most power over you? The more afraid and dependent on you that you would become. The better dog you would be. Yes. So after she molested me, she became all good again, and I survived again, but then I left home three years later. And never came back. I did speak to her, and I continued in my healing process, so she was my mom, she was still a good person. And so little my little, as more and more, as I was capable of really holding more and more of this tremendous information that was not available in my younger years, you know, it took a long time before I was safe enough to receive the first bit of information. And so over the years, it became clear and I processed a lot of the grief and the feelings and my relationship with my mother is still the most complex in the healing, because you still have contact with her? No. Okay. I don't, but I still have feelings and projections. In the same way, I think about my mom all the time. And I'm not conflating what happened to you to what happened to me. But it takes someone, they're both betrayals. But I think about almost a day doesn't go by that I don't think about my mom and a little voice in my head will say you're being a bad son. You should really just suck it up and call her. She doesn't have many years left. And then the healed part of my brain says, shut the fuck up, she's toxic. You tried for 20 years. She's toxic, so she's a danger to you. But that doesn't mean that there can be no forgiveness. I mean, I don't hate her. I'm not even an angry at her. I see her as sick, and I have compassion for her, but I had self protection, right? Yeah, you know, I like to say, have compassion for others, but not at the expense of compassion for yourself. Absolutely. And that had to finally kick in at 48 years of age and it was the healthiest thing I ever did for myself. But the reason I bring all this up is because that voice is still, I still ruminate about it. Less and less, it's tapering off, but I want to know with you where you are. With that. With your relationship with your mom or your feelings about your mom and what you think about. Well, it's expanded into this fight for liberation for women because I have been through everything that women go through for being women for being girls. That makes them unliberated that makes them betray each other, and together. Shame each other, give power to men, hold up men on a pedestal, flatter men, and so uphold the patriarchy as it is today. So I have all the ingredients. My mother is like the extreme example of an unliberated woman. She was did not have an easy life at all. She made my life a lot harder than hers, I'm sure, but she was born before the World War. She was clearly molested, even though she has no memory of it. She has all the symptoms of someone who's extreme sexual abuse. She was, she starved in the war years in Belgium in the town where she lived, there was starvation, who she doesn't remember that either. She lost her mother when she was 5 years old, 1945, so she did not have an easy life.

Belgium
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

10:04 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"Perfect. It's like just at that age where it's a bit of a woman, you know? It's like the whole society's kind of like obsessed with that kind of body type and girl and so forth for a woman. But did you know that at the time? Oh yeah, I got a lot and, you know, I had nothing at home, and so when I was taken to the network, I was found beautiful, an object, of course, but it's better than, you know, ugly, and certain things in me were reflected back. So I actually, as much as I was scared to go because there are death was always a possibility. I was also happier there. Wow. Wow. Yeah, living with my mother was really nightmarish. The constant mental turmoil of living with someone who just constantly projects where you can, I could never be me. At all, at all. Nothing. And my intelligence wasn't reflected nothing. There is nothing seen about me. So in the network, sometimes my intelligence was seen, but mostly my beauty was seen and then reflected back and I got I thrived on that. And as a young adult, I was rescued at age 11. This person who had taken a liking to me for a year and then became my worst abuser within that year. And finally, he was done with me, and I was going to be killed, and I was tortured. And he had a change of heart. And negotiated for my release with one of the politicians who was the unofficial leader of the network, and I was let go, not right away. I had to go through the worst experience there first, meaning committing violence before I was let go. Violence committed against you? No, I had to commit violence. Why? Because it's an extremely clever, tactic. To keep you from talking. Absolutely. And very effective. I am 52. I started speaking about this two years ago. Oh my God. Out of fear that really I wasn't abuser. Wow. And that if I was going to start speaking, it was going to be clear that I am the bad guy. And I think this is something in abuse, while an abuser abuses. They feel release and relief, and they feel a little bit of innocence, and they place this sense of evil and badness. With the victim as a justification to do what they're doing, otherwise they wouldn't be able to do it. So this is part of abuse is that you get to feel evil. And I think we put that shame on ourselves. It becomes shame. Yes. Especially if there was any moment of pleasure around. And why wouldn't there be? You know, the body goes into a free state which especially in rape. That's really the only thing the body can do is to just relax all the muscles, go into free state and part of that is that you will experience pleasure. So, so you think you were the one that wanted it to happen. I'm not saying you in particular. No, but absolutely the victim to survive. And it's very confusing, and I think that there's a something going around there where sex victims sex abuse victims sometimes feel that their body betrayed them. I would say no. My whole life. But that's not true. Your body just did what it did to survive. But I didn't realize that until three years ago. It was such a relief. To know that I was just a little boy that didn't deserve that. And because pedophiles don't see the child in a child. They don't see a child. They see parts of themselves that they've lost. They see maybe innocence and in their drawn compulsively, to that part. And when I go back and grab it. They want to grab it and they feel that innocence during the abuse as strange as that may sound. While the abuse, they put the feelings, the dark feelings of anger and everything that really belongs with the perpetrator with their perpetrator, in that moment, those feelings are projected onto the victim, who then becomes the perpetrator for the perpetrator. And then the perpetrator in that moment is relieved from all these feelings that they've been living with their whole life of shame and pain and feeling that it's their fault and anger, all this anger that they can't in this way, it's just, that's the blueprint, and that's how it repeats. I am recording Annika at about 11 in the morning here at the recording space and normally I record after hours, so it's more quiet, but we couldn't accommodate her schedule because she's just in town briefly. And so we have to record while the other offices are here. They're having half of my brain is listening to you and the other half is screaming at the other tenants going shut the fuck up. She's talking about something heavy. Please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up. But then I teach in prisons. Yeah. That's true. Very nice and quiet here. I need to, I need to accept that I don't have control over how loud other people are and say that what is going to be is going to be with our interview and it's not going to be ruined by these other people. So talk about. You get extricated from this thing and it had your mother ever other than selling you and doing the verbal abuse hit she ever sexually abused you or she sexually abused you as well. Yes. You just really got the whole buffet platter, didn't you? I did. When did that start with her? Well, she abused me as an infant, and I have remembered these things because they were so physically invasive that through physical memories really in pain. I got back to those memories and then which was molestation, I guess, and then she molested me again after my release, so I was released with a set of very specific instructions how to live my life. But since I was 11 I couldn't be put out on the street. So I had to live with my mother for another few years, and she would then not be able to bring me back to the network. And because she wasn't able to do that, she was very angry. Understandably she didn't have her, you know, her meal ticket would ever see. Yeah, but I think it wasn't so much for the money, of course, if she took it, but I think it was more for she had something, that's how she, when her powerlessness would be stirred up in our inevitable clashes, then she, when she was triggered, she felt like a scared child, and she felt like I was going to kill her, and then she had that power, and she could say I'm going to take you back there. That's what she would say. And. She. Was really, she tried everything to break me after. And I was much I was a much better girl in quotes before this person who had taken a liking to me had made me aware that she wasn't so great. And then, of course, he greatly betrayed me as well, but I had been shifted. I wasn't completely my mother wasn't completely good in my eyes anymore as she had been up to then believe it or not she was completely good. So how had your mother explained the reason for giving you to these men? What was her justification? Oh, she didn't know. She has some very good denial. Buffers and buffers have denial. She didn't know what she was doing. She thought she was taking me to sleepovers. I did confront her. You know, whatever she can sort of come up with, but she's not that smart, so it doesn't really make any sense. Like, she thought she was taking me to sleepovers, but then, oh, people who take their kids, they're involved too.

Annika
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

06:51 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"And had any of those people personally abused you? Well, I had been confronted definitely with Jean Michel Nicholas was one of the people there. What do you mean when you say you had been confronted? He was a middleman. I see. But my mother was my pimp. So I didn't really go through the middleman. Help me wrap my head around how. Your mother could do that. Well, psychopaths do not experience any feelings. I mean, they are a little bit solace. Because they're not their limbic system in the brain just doesn't work. So they have fight or flight, you know, they have survival instincts, and then it goes straight to the cortex, so they have, they can be very smart, very intelligent. But they're a whole feeling system is just not operative. So that's why world leaders can do well. Because they have not, they don't have the obstacles that we do. Conscience. Of conscience in getting ahead. This is a lot of people who are very well, it's a great profile for CEO to how to get ahead in business. You know how to mimic emotion. You know how to mimic emotion, see my mother, I always wondered in my adult life when I was healing, I was always wondering, why does my mother doesn't answer to the profile of an alcoholic? And the reason I finally realized is because she doesn't have any feelings to numb. Oh, wow. Wow, I never thought about that. I never thought about that. There's a great book called the psychopath next door. I love that book. This is the sociopath next door. One of those. Yeah. But yeah, she profiles like three people in positions of authority who are psychopaths. Great book. Yeah. And you actually wind up coming away with some compassion for the psychopath because you realize they don't get to experience human connection and so life is just a big chess game to them and people are pawns and they need bigger and bigger risks to feel. And what a terrible prison to be in. Yes, and depending on their intelligence level also my mother is not particularly intelligent and I really was her only victim. And she had power over me. I would say perhaps my brother was somewhat of a victim, but they're still in touch as far as I know. I'm not in contact with either of them. But the fact that I was female and I was her only child for a while. I became the repository for all the things that she would not have been able to handle about herself all the fears that she was not in touch with, the fear that she is ugly the fear that she's bad, evil, you know, all those fears. That's what was projected into me, so I grew up not really being able to have anything of me around her. It was a creation from her mind that was both evil, but also bland and ugly, and there were this whole list of things that physical things were wrong, and she's very focused on the physical appearance of women, especially she's always gossiping about women. And so yes, I definitely have come to a place where I don't envy. Psychopaths, whether it's my mother or whether it's people who seem to do really well and who actually do really well in the world, have all the power in the world, all the money in the world, the one percenters I have no envy whatsoever. Heaven got in touch with my own feelings over the years because it took a long time I have a lot of healing behind me and my whole life isn't this context of healing from that trauma. I can't do anything else. So going into prisons is part of this healing this is just the most beautiful part where I'm now sharing, I feel extremely useful because I can connect to the past experiences of most of the people that I work with, we relate, I found my past back in little bits and pieces, different people, and so I really relate, I know what it's like to be treated as the lowest of the low, I know what it's like to be treated as evil all the time, even though you may not have done anything or you may have done something once and so I really connect and it is such a story of love. Going in and sharing and then finding, you know, finding that so much love comes back to me. So much gratitude and it's just the most beautiful thing. So I'm very happy. Well, I'm happy when I do that. I don't stay happy if I don't. I need a lot of things to keep my mind from sinking, you know? Well, before we get to the healing of going in the prisons, I guess I'd like to know the arc of. How that abuse affected you and how you navigated the world and what you're coping mechanisms became. How did it how did it end? Did you just get old enough that they didn't want you anymore? No, a lot of the girls who became older may have gotten pregnant and killed. So there was always that hanging over our heads. I was rescued in an extremely dramatic way when I was 11. I was at my prime age, if you want. But I had been singled out. Prime edge to the pedophile. Oh, yeah. To the men in the network, absolutely. That age the pre pubescent pubescent. Is perfect. It's like just at that age where it's a bit of a woman, you know? It's like the whole society's kind of like obsessed

Jean Michel Nicholas chess
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

10:09 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"Lucas, who is a yoga instructor. You go into prisons and jails in New York and teach inmates how to do yoga. Yep. And you started a group of people. You founded this team of people that go into the prisons and the jails and teach you all right, that's so beautiful. What's the name of the group? Well, thank you. It's called liberation prison yoga. And I created it really by necessity because I realized there's no organized effort to bring yoga teachers into the prisons and it's really what I set out to do, and I really went to teach originally because I was going to create this organization. It wasn't liberation at first. It was prison yoga project. The New York branch of that. And I was volunteering full time after a very short time because once I started doing it, I realized, well, I have to teach, if I am going to do it, I have to bring other people in, I have to go through the process, and so I started going in in the first time I went in, I realized that that is where I really need to teach. What were the myths you had about prisoners? I believed and I'm going to have to backtrack a little bit because I believed that I was going to meet the people that I grew up with. And it so happens that I grew up with a group of psychopaths. Not just one my mother is definitely psychopathic, but I was, you know, since she had absolutely no conscience and no feeling, no access to any of her feelings. She sold me, and she sold me to a group of powerful politicians and aristocrats in my home country Belgium, and so I was used for from the age of 6 to 11. And so these were murderers. They were completely without a conscience. They were also powerful in the world, and this is how they held on to their power. This was their power fix. I think this was as far as they needed to go to get that high of feeling power. And I believed when I went into the prisons, I was going to find those people. No, those people never get brought to justice. Exactly. Exactly. Wow, I'm so sorry that you had to experience that. I knew I knew that you had gone through some trauma, but I didn't know the extent of that. Of the violence, yeah. Yeah. It's so amazing. How calm the person is that's sitting in front of me. We talked a little bit in the car on the way here. And you're such an incredibly empathic person and. It's just so weird sometimes to reconcile. Such chaos in a childhood with such stillness and an adult. You're very still. Well, I actually access this stillness in my childhood when things were really bad. I did feel a loving presence. Often, I was tortured in various ways, so within those moments, there usually was some greater awareness that would dawn on me that helped me through the ordeal. Wow. Like, can you give well, what I'm thinking of is rather graphic. I hope that that's okay. Trigger, trigger warning. Sorry good morning. Yeah. And I wasn't looking for you necessarily to describe something graphically. More so. It's not sexually graphic. It was graphic. Okay. But I was looking for the. Thing that would come into your mind. Right, exactly. Yeah, but if you want to share the other part, that's fine, too. Well, that's how it came about. So I think it's the content, the context, in this case, would matter. It's not something that I've actually spoken about, but it was, and it's so crazy, but I was taken down in a coal cellar in a cellar of a large house with a two adult men, one of whom was a politician, a famous politician, and they had a cardboard box with them. And the politician wasn't carrying the box. But I was taken to a seller that had coals inside and it had basically three walls. So I was put in and then the box was opened and thrown at me. And I was about ten years. Old at the time. Maybe a little younger. And there were bugs inside. And they were, they had claws, and so the bugs pinched me everywhere, and I screamed. And that was actually, I mean, this may sound very crazy, but these people were absolutely crazy, so the politician, I had spent some time alone with him, and he had wanted me to scream. He didn't say that, but I knew that that's what he wanted, and I hadn't. I held out. And so this is how we got me to scream. And immediately after I screamed, there was this sense of a presence, and there is the physiological freeze mode that a person goes into and is kind of trauma. So that you actually don't feel the pain, as you normally would. You are able to the wounds won't bleed, and so forth. So there's all this physiological stuff going on at the same time, there was this sense immediately that that seemed to be given from the outside, that these are just creatures, natural creatures that have been taken out of their habitat. And so I relaxed, I collapsed, relaxed, and so it seemed immediately as though they weren't so aggressive anymore. And the two men were bored by that time because I wasn't, you know, in distress, obviously in the stress. So they actually just left and so I just brushed the last they looked like scarab beetles with the pinchers. So I had these little marks all over me, which were a little arrow marks, arrowheads. It looked like, and so I just got them out of my hair and walked. Back upstairs, which was then going to be, to wait for my mother, but so there was it's one instance of how this awareness would come to me, and it then changed everything. Because it was so powerful that it wasn't even interesting for the men anymore for the sadists who really wanted to me to be in distress. There's so many questions that I have. First of all, have those politicians ever been brought to justice? No. Are any of them alive? Not the ones that I was exposed to. Have you ever said their names publicly? No. And is there a reason I don't want to get killed? Yeah. It's so sad. There was a scandal in 1996 the Dutch scandal, or it was the Belgian pedophile scandal. It was named it was written about in The New York Times, it got a little attention in the states got a lot more attention in Europe. That was a trial of one man called Dutch, who said he had friends in high places who had been kidnapping children, who was basically a pimp for this network. Who was delivering children and then, instead of infiltrating into families, ancestral families usually often poor families and obtaining the children, he started kidnapping children and then he had to build dungeons for those children to keep them and so the parents were concerned and eventually the bodies of the children were found. And new haw is the only one who ended up saying nihil. The two was really the only one who went to prison for life. And a few of his companions and then nihil was the fourth defendant who was involved. But really got off on the major charge, which was the kidnapping.

New York Lucas Belgium The New York Times Europe
"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

Mental Illness Happy Hour

03:25 min | 5 months ago

"anneke" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour

"And you can be matched with the therapist in under 48 hours. And you guys, the listeners get 10% off your first month, it better help dot com slash mental. That's BE, TT, ER, HELP dot com slash mental. And make sure you include the slash metal. So they know you came from the podcast. We are sponsored this week by first person, first person makes supplements, they're mushroom based, they're a 100% grain free. They were organic, and they have a couple of different ones, but the one I've been trying is the one because I get brain fog sometimes is the one that they call sunbeam, which helps you, which is also my middle name when I was raised by hippies. Oh, I'm so stupid. It helps you with motivation and focus because it helps your body's natural production of dopamine. So start improving your brain health and cognition with first person get 15% off your first order by going to get first person dot com and use the offer code mantle that's GET FIRST PER SON dot com offer code mental for 15% off your first order. Get first person dot com code mental. The statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration, these products are not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease. We will be back in August with new episodes but until then enjoy some of these tasty best of episodes and now the episode with on a collus from a while back. Welcome to episode two 45 with my guest Annika Lucas and Paul gilmartin. This is the metal illness happy hour, a place where honesty about all the battles in our heads for medically diagnosed conditions, past traumas and sexual dysfunction to everyday compulsive negative thinking. The show is not meant to be a substitute for professional metal counseling. It's not a doctor's office, I'm not a therapist. It's more like a waiting room that doesn't suck. The website for this show was mental pod dot com. All kinds of stuff you can do there. You can read blogs, guest blogs, just posted a great one by my friend and former guest Cassie Snyder about body image. She's really funny writer and just such a great way of capturing the absurdity of life. So check that out. You can take surveys there, you can see how other people filled out surveys. As you know, I love to read those on the podcast and they're a big part of it. You can support the show through the website. There's all kinds of stuff you can do there. The form you can browse the form or you can join it and post and connect to other people. I know a bunch of people connected on there before the Brooklyn show that I just came back from. And they met before the show. And hung out together, which I can't even tell you how much that warms my heart. Mostly because I know they were talking about me. What do I have to share with you? This vitamin D that I have been on now for a month is making all the difference in the world. You know I've shared many times about this crazy anxiety

"anneke" Discussed on Heartland Newsfeed Radio Network

Heartland Newsfeed Radio Network

02:33 min | 1 year ago

"anneke" Discussed on Heartland Newsfeed Radio Network

"The in line here at freetalklive but according to the government anyway domestic terrorists hotline believe in peace and freedom. You might be a domestic terrorist. You most certainly are at least in the eyes of government is free talk live. Thanks for tuning and everybody in the studio. It's myself the captain steve. Classic anneke with nerd nikki. Nikki just need to be able to read dude. We'll give me nerd. I mean i have to read too so speaking of reading free talk live. You can read. Let's see free talk. Live video archives have been on for years. Library is an sensible decentralized blockchain based media sharing protocol and we're very big fans of that here on free talk live in twenty. Twenty library launched odyssey of video-sharing website to compete with youtube. And it's really taking off now with over one million channels. Many of whom are disaffected youtube creators during youtube. Crackdown for not towing the government. Line on co vid. Free talk live. Youtube channel started receiving strikes and could be completely taken down at any moment thankfully odyssey started offering live streaming so we're now streaming live every night and posting video archives permanently to odyssey. You can watch live or anytime on our odyssey channel by visiting video dot freetalklive dot com if you want to go all in go ahead and download the desktop app at l. b. r. y. Dot com and then every video archive. You watch you'll help seed and keep it online forever again. Visit video dot freetalklive dot com and follow us on odyssey today. Video dot freetalklive dot com. All right so. We talked about the four steps of dehumanisation. they are prejudice scapegoating discrimination and persecution. Think about this in your daily life and ask yourself if you're guilty of any of these. I think it'll be a revealing exercise for some people. But i think you're you're not you're not guilty but you're being told that you're guilty. Yes so you're innocent until proven guilty. But i think they're trying to prove that you're guilty. Well that's that makes. I don't guilty come on. Come on. Come on.

Classic anneke Youtube nikki Nikki steve
"anneke" Discussed on Star Wars Sessions

Star Wars Sessions

03:34 min | 1 year ago

"anneke" Discussed on Star Wars Sessions

"Probably han sinai been miserable when a appear to hear the first layer princess layer or they were gonna amanda laurean or anneke. Liar obey because how kit and mando era. They sure. I could handle that older. They're not all again. She's not interested in whether this is where the fun begins. She doesn't care about the old or the landlord. Don't speak so. I think that's it is actually i was of worked with a guy could al. Fayed not alfie. And he always used to talk to live as basically. It's an insult or really just as a reaction to anything like oh you know. There are what you talking about roy insane in the membrane this is definitely for. You might go on anything about luke. Boy love snack. How you plan for hunger on the would it be a cooler full of snacks. We stopped on the way. You're gonna take granola bars in water or subway sandwiches to go other somewhat on the y every story every single day coming on. I'll take lock a bottle of water or some them one hour enough. I love stopping off. Mike grabbing coffee or something. I'll ask half the fun. This man is i start. I thought you can count if maybe little diner or something so cups on the local atmosphere and be pretty sweet. Yeah kind of a gripe he got roy. What kind of car would you take on this trip. Fast and sporty and luxurious and spacious practical and used. Well how about bike instead second. Mom luxurious spacious yet spacious spice shows showed me. What color is your vehicle blue rate black or silva blue black red or silva. I'm gonna go read more. Yeah any reason notice. Looks looks co lie. Now i have a black car my car before that was silva and it really annoys me like all cars are black or silver. It bugs me. But i'll go my call second hand i. That's why i had to choose really really love. Colorful cars are probably chosen grain or something. If that was green rate. I'm grain. Really go finally then and friendly which game. We'll keep you occupied on the long road. A hate punch buggy losses plates spotting roadside bingo. Or are they play games. What on earth is punch to me. I as soon as i saw. I'm assuming yellow mini. Have you ever played yellow mini. What's his many. Yes that's what as punch gay also called punch bug punch car punched dub piggy punch slept bunch o- beato bunch is a car game generally played by children which participants punch each other on upon sight of a.

han sinai amanda laurean anneke Fayed roy alfie silva luke Mike
"anneke" Discussed on AWS Podcast

AWS Podcast

01:50 min | 1 year ago

"anneke" Discussed on AWS Podcast

"Aws caused love. And welcome back to the podcast. Some who the graphic and on johnny keystone get anneke heyman. Hi simon happy to be here as always good to have been a couple so good that we've got the team back together on july fourth and we We have a bunch of updates not as biggest show in terms of updates today because we're recording these pretty close together which is good back on stage again. But we aren't going to refund some pretty interesting topics off to excite june.

johnny keystone anneke heyman simon
"anneke" Discussed on Podcast RadioViajera

Podcast RadioViajera

03:29 min | 1 year ago

"anneke" Discussed on Podcast RadioViajera

"Dilemmas note. Any f uni. Seagate's nick underhill. Total eight lender don this dossier say if eli autism. Grotto used speed them winter real year. Iraqi i tell down and everybody keeping today. The legal sylvie continue and important ama- united. jim kelly. You just go with. Anneke me inkling brophy honest but it's backed by local knows what got the needle but undone to ineta guys catchable dot com today mosul. I never get that almost three hundred dollars via not getting much. Obviously doris the you want to go. But up. but it. S burning on cassava victim lake villa gentle little controllers choice of a buddha lumbini. Zip through these elvis. Joanna postal nominated out all see nokia close to reopen. How much colluded timur. No only does didn't even spectra son-in-law muskie community.

nick underhill eli autism Seagate jim kelly Anneke brophy ama united doris Joanna postal elvis nokia timur
"anneke" Discussed on Metal Mantra Podcast

Metal Mantra Podcast

03:40 min | 1 year ago

"anneke" Discussed on Metal Mantra Podcast

"Society la. You didn't help hippie visit it. Bid through ngo brassard through to east. Don't samir geagea saw quit yet. Evita muslims schedules. Don't solve it but in cheek realism. You bet combing lana fellow. No nick do wasi kata. No outdoors always concern. Contests are happy. Gina follow poking alaska was taking a ordinary mainland. That god a god who has so nigel. Repor kentucky train Each cell wait the me but about my neck see o. To they show. London us tied it wash kick. His nail was pretty soon. You could have a skill. They must naturally fit. Ain't met our laws you'd have per kid you bore you. Don't we. Start split was in about a little. Sean miser temple pass. I mean how brazier contests both issue. Any government was really tabloids insecure fund yours. Josh stav adores my go-to bloomberg he said don't you to bear more flexible. Committed was we'll do it all the way to oversee hispanic of the sloping. Y'all as you fight. Departure was a psychotic guanaco management tausif denver manga more tampa usually to move through. As i buy savings might have laws. Zmuda could saudis disc thing if his father bow with the dean of foul cucuta. Yourself residents bekasi to you're hip beat aqui. Mysore vs sweden which means show the correct raza southern food. You redoubled speaking of going back. I even by doc- voodoo army. You know jiechi avenue gotten the new show throw. Mitch always say Towel so the budget thinking hill site stinky cohill on when he scoop daca participants. So the includes eve. You might sure i was doing. His words genetic was as he too tired. You now once says the water is not thirty. His big range. There was three born. Say simply through confidential bala derek. He told the salvador's bravo as eliza deutsche is basic cutters. Leader's death through qatar. Vote booking tag does nova died were do is i think we just gotta keep a day. Fisher.

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Kevin Rudd on anarchy in the post COVID-19 world order, and could stable democracy be a reality in Iraq?

Between The Lines

12:41 min | 2 years ago

Kevin Rudd on anarchy in the post COVID-19 world order, and could stable democracy be a reality in Iraq?

"Former Prime Minister Kevin right on the geopolitical consequences of the pandemic. He predicts the coming post covered. Anneke plus Iraq believe it or not. It's future looks brought today than it has an any point in the past Dick. I'd stay with us for my chat with Linda Robinson from the Rand Corporation. She'll tell us while we should not give up on Baghdad's fragile. Democracy Corona virus continues to take a toll on the health of nations around the world. One thing has become clear the winners and losers not who we might have expected a year ago. The virus is taking an uneven and unpredictable. Course through the world defying. I usual assumptions about power and resilience. Some small poor countries being left relatively unscathed all powerful prosperous nations. I've been ravaged. So what does this mean for global order and for the strategic robbery between China and the United States? Will everything change or is the virus? Mealy accelerating trends that were already in place. Former prime minister of Australia. Kevin Rudd is the President of the Society Policy Institute in New York. He's written an essay in the most recent issue of Foreign Affairs magazine in New York. It's called the coming postcode Enki and he joins me now. From Queensland's Sunshine Coast Kevin Rudd. Welcome back to between the lawns. Good to be with you on between the lines. Now you'll recent essays titled The coming Postcode Anneke Y Anneke. You're good real turns color of international relations you would know that realists assume that. Anneke is in fact the natural state All the International Society of states rent was Headley Bull who wrote about this crowd along time ago and Australian realist and Australian realist. Ten within the real documents that order actually represents the exception rather than the rule So why do I argue this I argue it because the current order as we've done since forty five is underpinned by and large by US geopolitical pound Gio economic power secondly That's become challenge at least by China Thirdly the Cova crisis has turbo charge The hit on American real and perceived power. But there's a full factor as well. Which is the impact which the Cova crisis has on China's Powell not least the damage to its economy the flow through effect to its ability to spend on the amounts of money on its military and on the belt and road initiative example but more importantly international perceptions of China in the developed in the developing world. So where do we end up? We end up not with The same old order as in the past but a slow and steady drift towards more anoc order. We're both China and the US damaged and the institutions of global governance with the UN. The will bank the National Monetary Fund the G. Twenty etc become increasingly the terrain for geopolitical battle. Between these two wounded POWs a K. Sunday the country's the victory he but some analysts say that China's heavy handed approach eccentric lockdowns violence. That's been a political win for Xi Jinping in Matt strengthened the Central Authority of the communist regime. How would you respond to them? Well let's look at That argument within China itself. There's been a huge hit on the accompany And as a result of that China will have its worst gross numbers twenty twenty the Ted in over half a century since the end of the Cultural Revolution almost That is huge. It undermines She Jinping's China Drain which was One pillar of which was for China to quadruple. Its G. D. DP by twenty twenty measured against two thousand levels this single year of itself. Economic non-performance blows a hole amidships in that and then secondly on top of that. Tom You've got the problem which arises in terms of internal political debates within China so and I think some growing levels of resistance to Xi Jinping's on leadership and finally as I mentioned before The blowback around the world in terms of the economic damage To economize both developed and developing causing a big question mark to a rise in terms whether China has in fact being the risk to the world's best friend because of the outbreak of this virus. So these factors I think. Qualify the overall argument you hear from some the China's authoritarian model in managing the crisis domestically translates into a geopolitical win the China internationally. I don't think that necessarily holes walk conversations. Do you think heaven. I going on right now in Beijing over China's place in the world I mean is the division division over this so-called Wolf Warrior this is the and diplomacy we often hear about a division between that Wolf Warrior. Diplomacy versus say China's desire to promote soft power. Chinese politics in some respects is not dissimilar to elements of politics. We and other countries. That is you find nationalist. Ten internationalists you find a local ists globalists' you find audio logs versus as it were reformers and pregnant at this and so the as political system while it's Control by Xi Jinping's leadership still has all these tensions and personalities within it so the debates now I think are of a twofold. How do we allow this to happen? In the first place what failed in terms of the processes insistence China put in place after the Saas Crisis of two thousand and three to prevent a pandemic or epidemic as it was then from happening again. The second debate is how the Hillary you get the economy back together again given the China a economy with forty percent of Gdp comes from the traded six or the economy and International. Trade is being blend. Bits by this crosses and the other debate again between nationalists internationalised is the one. You've just touched on the Tom. Which is China's wolf worried diplomats out there launching attacks against any critique of China's performance On the one hand defend the party's legitimacy and on the other hand older more seasoned diplomat saying this isn't actually contributing much to the improvement of China's global image those discussions and debates underway. At the moment we're talking about this wolf warrior diplomacy. What do you make of China's recent boycotts threats of boycotts of Australian Exports Bali? Beef what what's going on well as I've said in other recent interviews since those public statements by the China's ambassador Australia it's unacceptable in my view for any ambassador accredited to any country to receive public threats against the host country In City five years of more dealing with the Australian China relationship I don't recall previous Chinese ambassadors of having done that not by any Australian diplomat ever having done that irrespective of the crisis of the day with was ten on all the things that I went through when I was in office etc so I think as a matter of shall we say diplomatic practice. What occurred then was regrettable as as being some of the hotline commentary. Which emanated from the Chinese nationalist media? the bottom line is however the Chinese nationalists have seen The effectiveness All the some of these sorts of measures when applaud various countries in the past sorts of economic leverage which China replied to no way out to no way through the Nobel Prize Committee Awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to a famous Chinese dissident And I've also seen how those Economic Leverage points of work with various of the Europeans. So this is not alien to the Chinese playbook my argument about China's Australia's management of The relationship in prison is that if the Australian government's of the view and a view I in general support that there needs to be an independent international inquiry as to the origins the virus transmission of the virus notifications to the WHO and threw them to the world community etc. Then again to put that Ford isn't as trade in government and then do some work on it. I get a few other governments to come along with you an advance that through the multilateral machinery which rather than just blow it out as a thought bubble That's the way which you do. Real things in the international community rather than I. Fear sometimes pitching a diplomatic initiative primarily for domestic political leverage into straighter. What complicates matters? Further is president trump's theory that the virus was leaked from a lab in Wuhan and raises the question. Why would China agree to enquiry without losing this between the lines on? Abc Radio National. The familiar voice. You're hearing is former prominence to Kevin. Rudd is now president of the Asia Society Policy Institute in New York. We've been talking about his article in the current issue of Foreign Affairs magazine. Kevin we'll talking about China and how it's paid a price as a result of this current ivars. Let's turn to the United States. How badly damaged is the use in your judgement? I mean we'll recover reasonably quickly With a change of administration in November or does the damage go deep. Perhaps too deep for recovery has been deep damage politically. The the. The House is a divided house within the United States. Those of us who have followed. Us politics of the many years have rarely seen it This divisive and that actually is a real factor in terms of constructing a post presidential election national consensus on how America engages the World. And the future. American politics has become so binary including on America's own future will view on the economic damage. It's huge. This is the biggest hit on newest economy at least since nineteen forty-six and the recovery from the war and probably since the depression the end of the depression and thirty three So this takes a while to recover But the American economy know a history of resilience. Look what happened after the global financial crisis? But well I was going to make the point to is enormous capacity for change and renewal. I mean you think about its recovery from the civil war that oppression in Vietnam. You being a bit too pessimistic. Kevin. Well I live in the United States and I actually listened to the debate on back in Australia now and when my American interlocutors Republican and Democrat Friends of mine over twenty years who A positive let's call it. The Foreign Policy National Security Policy Machinery signed that it's become increasingly hard to forge consensus these days across the aisle on America's behavior in the world That is a real issue. Then it's not just my external analysis it's part of the internal analysis within the US itself. Do I think the United States can come through the domestic political Malays and the Economic Destruction? Which has occurred? Yes I do. Because it's remarkably resilient country But I think a precondition is that We see a Democrat. Win this November it's not that. I am a A cheerleader for Joe Biden. Personally I barely know the man Bought he's lucky to put together a mainstream Competent Foreign Policy and National Security Policy Tame as opposed to Frankly the chaotic nature of the trump administration on most foreign and national security policy questions. And that I think is necessary for America to rebuild. Its alliances abroad rebuild. Its credibility in the eyes of the risks of the will and to overcome what has been an extraordinary period where America rather than taking the lead in the global recovery From the virus both in public health systems and economic terms as simply being missing in action and in fact the unable to contain it's the damage domestically

China United States Kevin Rudd Anneke Xi Jinping Australia Anneke Y Anneke President Trump Prime Minister Foreign Affairs Magazine America Baghdad New York Linda Robinson Rand Corporation Dick Joe Biden Iraq Nobel Prize Robbery
Anneke Lucas, Recovering From Unimaginable Evil

Skeptiko - Science at the Tipping Point

04:22 min | 3 years ago

Anneke Lucas, Recovering From Unimaginable Evil

"Thank you so much for joining me. Welcome to skeptic. Oh let's talk about yoga. Yes thank you for having me on. I guess anyone's journey inward journey into the nature of reality would lead to the question of evil and ice evil very much in the way that it is described in the Yoga scriptures. That is to say I see evil as ignorance ignorance of the south. You know I totally get that. And I've had those kind of conversations before because a mentioned just a few minutes few seconds. We chatted before the interview that I haven't really talked about yoga on this show. And that's true for the most part. I'm an APP. Four hundred shows. Most of them are on science in parapsychology and near death experience and extended consciousness and things like that that people can kind of approach the question of consciousness from more of a like. I said Connor more of a Guy Khanna scientists point but the things I deal with this people who wanna deny there is this extended consciousness out there like yogis accept that as a given. I mean it's part and parcel of what the Yoga tradition is. And if you read like autobiography of a Yogi I mean th anyone who's ever read that book within the first thirty pages there's shape shifting animals teleportation telepathy all this stuff is just kinda given so. I think there's a confusion when we talk about evil in its reduced down to a confusion or You know in the Buddhist sense just kind of A misunderstanding I mean. That's kind of like step. Three step one is it does exist in. I guess I I WANNA Kinda circle back to that. I mean evil right. Well there's a lot of that's to say that in our realm we all have it. We all are ignorant herself where we wouldn't even have to be here so it. It's all a matter of degree. Straighten everything is relative in our in our realm in this realm of duality. Everything's relative. Would I tried to kind of bring this back? It exists and you cannot use yoga or spirituality to bypass the reality of what happened here on Earth End. I experienced what I think of as some of the darkest experiences having to do with those who have the most power in the world who are literally ruling the world. And what is actually going on in those Strata Society? Because you're talking about that. You're almost jumping ahead to a fantastic part of the story you want to. Do you want me to tell your your audience. What happened to me? Not Not right yet because I think I feel so. It feels so Yucky that you have to go and you know bear witness to it in that way so. Let me continue with us. We're just having a chat here when when you frame it in that way. I feel like you're jumping to the healing part of the story which is a magnificent part of your story is your healing journey and and the deeper understanding that you've come to Regarding the transformation that you went through into the horrors that you endured and how you overcame those in were victorious over those but I guess the answers that this yielded this thirty year journey inward the answers. This yielded as to how to move forward and to change the power paradigm to move out of this very darkly separate right now.

Strata Society Earth End Connor Guy Khanna
Matt Damon, Carroll Shelby And Nikki Lauda discussed on Lights Camera Barstool

Lights Camera Barstool

02:06 min | 3 years ago

Matt Damon, Carroll Shelby And Nikki Lauda discussed on Lights Camera Barstool

"Ferrari releases. No, meme, November fifteenth later this year starring Christian bale Matt Damon believe it's based on a book and pretty highly anticipated I was curious what the reaction would be. Like we tweeted, the trailer reaction was huge automobile magnets. Henry Ford, and Lee is it coca I KoKo, yet dispatch a team of engineers and designers to build a car to race against Ferrari at the nineteen sixty six lemons, I guess, say it 'cause you bail LeMond is that makes more sense Christian bale as Ken miles, Matt Damon has Carroll Shelby. They're in it. They're the two big stars that took got people very excited on Twitter yesterday, and on Instagram like shit Damon bail on excited. James Mangold is directing. It's really just overall. This is first movie since Logan, by the way, overall just toward a force of people things you wanna see with this movie. It's like one of the first FOX things at Disney's releasing, well, actually like second or third because I've tarp FINA comes out this week, but very excited. I've other trailer was great got pretty I've for this one. This is the list of things. I'm excited for later this year. It looked anymore bettas of an old guy named in Carroll Shelby. No, that's that's up there. Yeah. Yeah. I thought great. I love Christian bale and his whatever accent. He wants to put on does, you know, he's from Britain. Well. Anyway, carry on. Yeah. I thought cool, I you know, I like cars. I'm not huge in a motor sports, but I you know, it'll be nice to seems like all these. To. I wanna call them period. Pieces like period type racing movies had have ended up in very good. Whether it's can we just talked about it. Rush Russia on race compete Anneke louder. Yeah. Nikki Lauda just passed away. I mean that that was really good. And this, this looks like that. And then was there, another one was at the cinema movie. I can't remember if that was a documentary or not, I seem to end up enjoying them.

Matt Damon Carroll Shelby Nikki Lauda James Mangold Ferrari Ken Miles Twitter Henry Ford Lemond Logan Disney FOX Anneke LEE Russia Britain