20 Episode results for "Amy I"

Bonus Episode: Ask Us Anything!

What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood

50:46 min | 3 months ago

Bonus Episode: Ask Us Anything!

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Go to better help dot com forward, slash fresh and use the code rush to get ten percent off your first month of better help. That's better. Help H. E. L. P. Better help dot com slash fresh, and the code fresh to get ten percent off your first month. Hello everyone and welcome to this bonus episode of what fresh hell laughing in the face of motherhood. This is Margaret, and this is amy and this bonus episode is the chance for you guys to ask US anything. We went to the facebook group guys. You know we love the facebook group facebook dot com forward slash what I shell cast and we asked you to ask us anything where do we still this from? It's red thing right asks and isn't Yeah Ama Yeah Ama Yup usually it's like a podiatrist or something but today it's us I feel like usually it's like P. diddy. Locks. Alert on P. Diddy back in my day comes but like I always feel like some random celebrity. But anyway today, it's Uh us and we have a ton of good questions and I think we're just gonNA dive in I mean nothing else to say no studies from you this time? No no we'll start with a with one. We've talked about already but some new listeners which we love tell your friends make them new listeners to how did you meet and how did you do decide to start podcasting together amy, take it away well. So I knew Margaret Sister. Kate, we were in college together. We are in a comedy group together and Margaret went to a different college and was in a comedy group and I met you when except on your dorm. Room. Floor a hundred million years ago because our to comedy groups for doing shows together at your college exactly, and then we graduated from college. So we're not for the record friends. We barely knew each other and but then I would see amy was on sitcom she was on the norm show it looks on TV and I'm looking that's amy kate's friend Amy and then she started a mom blog wrote a book and then we ended up I also I had a short dictator which was hilarious. Thank you. Amy also had a hilarious blog called. When did I get like this? When did I get like this and wrote a book called seems you weren't a fan? I mean. You started your mom blog before I had kids. So honestly I like I wasn't that tight end to you as a mom blogger because I wasn't in that world when you had kids and so right. Then we were just always kind of around each other in the same worlds and then I was it nick mom, which was nickelodeon channel for MOMS. You probably don't remember it didn't last very long and I was like video director video content like I was putting funny videos. Online for Nick. Mom and I saw a video and amy was in it and I kind of realized that Nick Mom wasn't going to the stratosphere and I needed an exit plan and I had been really thinking about doing podcast I love to talk and so I was like a podcast is perfect for me but I probably need someone to do it with and then boom amy came up in this video and I pretty much called probably texted her or I don't think I had your. Phone number the times I probably emailed you. Yeah. To be like Oh. My God, Amy I. Just saw. You know I'm on the other side of this receiving these videos isn't that funny and then I just emailed her back and I said, I have an idea I have an idea. Let's get on the phone. I have an idea. Yeah, and we went to a restaurant somewhere on the upper west side and I remember having delicious cheese because I always remember the food and I said Let's do a podcast and she said, yes yeah, and that's how it all started. Yeah and I was a podcast fan. It was sort of like to podcast and then we figured it out didn't we? Yeah and it's funny because I think the people think are stories like because I. Think this is a lot of people story and policy that we were best friends forever, and in fact, it was kind of Nice that we did not know each other very well when we started the podcast. Because it makes it easier to have a conversation because I think when we started the like I, didn't even know how many kids you had. I didn't know your kids names didn't really anything about you. I'm GonNa say something that will blow people's minds are six kids have never been in the same room together. I don't think any of our kids have ever been in the same room together. Have they have kids met maybe not I don't think any of our kids have ever met. Each Other and this isn't even a pandemic thing. This is yeah. They know each other from photos? No, no no this is just we live in different worlds. Yeah. I mean to take another step back. There are probably people who don't realize. We're not together right now we're not in the same room recording with masks on we don't record together roughly talking together right. So we record over the Internet and we talked to each other it's like a phone call and so amy and I I was just saying this to David last night my husband who is also named David as Amy's husband Yup Hustle Amy and I have not been in the same room since February sincere crazy crazy times and I had to stop and think about it because there's somebody I'm in touch with its you I know how your pandemic is going yeah. We talked to each other five days a week basically now but yeah, we're never in the same room together. So fun facts behind the scenes Lenora. Says who shoots at it's your video and we shoot them ourselves on our iphones, and then I edit them yet. That's the answer. Yet Margaret's nick MOM skills are coming back to life. I have a bit of video background. So I'm putting those together. This is I like this question a lot how do your kids and your feel about the podcast is they ever complain about the stories you tell is there anything that is one hundred percent off limits from talking about on the podcast on? What it is, but wondering if you have hard boundaries about personal subjects in issues to those are both really good questions this is carly asking us. So how to our kids and husband feel about the puck they're pretty proud of it. I. Think they're a little bit. My kids were teenagers I have kids who are twelve, sixteen seventeen but hold onto your hats my. Twelve year olds about to be thirteen by the time. You hear this episode I will have three teenagers in one house thoughts and prayers we thoughts and prayers. I, know they'd like it I think they've sort of become comfortable over time with the fact that I keep it pretty vague when I talk about them I mean of course, I talk about them but I keep. Their situations in which kid I'm talking about pretty vague and I think they like battle plausible deniability my spouse only of one spouse and so he totally heard it from people. He's getting a lot of grief about the AM. Lapan at work up the on the PAN and the olive oil and honey from my birthday. Oh Yeah. That was a rough day that was a rough day for all David but I have a funny story. I we saw a couple that we know like outside. Over the last week and we bumped into them on the street and they were both like amy, the vowing HBO. Oh my gosh. It's so good. We're watching too and he was like, why are you telling about the like why are you sharing your shows with them and not with me and like they listened to the podcast? That's how they know that I like the vow does your David listen to the podcast? Not like religiously? No, that's Hilar-. My David his way into the podcast like. Into the PODCAST which I find. Very, very cute. So how does he feel about it? I think he's pretty down like I mean he doesn't love when I tell the story about him giving me the horrible backpack, but he's also come off really well lately I feel like he the pandemic he's been like amazing during the pandemic and I'm giving him so many problems. So he's happy about that but I'm sure you know he doesn't love it when I go find. Him But he's pretty we have very tolerant spouses we did. So we do a live show which unfortunately have been able to do in a really long time and our first live show. We did maybe the most hilarious bit we've done which was recalled our husbands of onstage and we had a game show where they had to answer basic questions and they didn't know they were. Yeah it was a surprise they came thinking they were seeing the show and we called them up on stage and we gave them a quiz where they were competing against each other to answer like very basic questions. What is Your Kid's Teacher's name? What did you get your niece for Christmas this year it started with how many years have you been married and name any child in your daughter's kindergarten class it was unbelievably hilarious because the score after eight questions or so was zero to zero got none of them. Correct. We were going into the final round with scoreless. We're we're looking at it to like what happens if Rian zero zero it was basically like a hunger games. Level of like excitement when the whatever four, hundred women in the audience we're just watching our husbands completely fail for their own amusement and was amazing. But I will say afterwards like four different people like how does your husband not divorced yet now my thank God he has a pretty good sense of humor. I will say my kids do not really know about the podcast they are not dialed in oldest is just turned twelve. So he was eleven last week, and so I have eleven ten and eight and they're not into it at all they know I do a podcast but they've never listened to it and they think it has a bad word in the title, which is inappropriate. Instead of issues but now you would think they are they don't they have no awareness. I would say of the podcast beyond every once in a while it will be at a school event and someone will stop me and I, Love Your podcast and my son asked me once he's like mom, can I ask you a personal question and I said I think so and he was like, are you famous? I was like. I am not that one person happened to like my podcast, but it really made me laugh. So he they don't my kids don't listen and don't even know really what gets about their in the videos and sometimes they like to watch the videos but half of them, they don't get. So they're like I don't really get with this one is about especially when it's around how annoying kids are the ones they don't understand at all like don't really see the joke in this one. Yeah. No, they're funny. They're like. This is funny and I'm like it's because you're so annoying and they're like I'm not annoying I'm just asking you a question. They don't get it which I find great in terms of boundaries. I would say we don't really talk about our kids on the PODCASTS I. Mean we're pretty careful took. We can talk in general of like one of my Tesla trump organization I, find it frustrating that one of my kids. Is really having trouble homeschooling. But yeah, I would say that we pretty much committed early on that. We wouldn't I mean we don't use our kids names. We don't talk about. You'll never hear say like one of my kids whose name is this and it's this one of my kids is is doing this very annoying thing because I think that's appropriate and I wouldn't want my mom had to have had a podcast, chuck my business it's and so that's basically our boundary. I don't talk the other big boundary I would say I mean we just. Don't talk about people in our lives because. Any version of a story about yourself that you hear another person telling that is even remotely negative if it's funny is going to hurt someone's feelings. So we try pretty hard not to do that. You know. There's one exception to this from me, which was when we did the bonus episode about having Cova and what was experience my daughter has had some longer term complications from it and but I get her permission. I'm going to sort of you know go public about this. Is that okay with you and I wouldn't have done it if she said no, and there certainly plenty of things I don't discuss. But in that case she was like, yeah, I, think people should hear about this that was worth it and I think it's an interesting thing for people who listen to the podcast that like. Our kids have. Issues and needs the end you know differing abilities in areas, and we don't talk about those things specifically because those are private to our household and our kids. But I sometimes think people have the impression that we have like really super simple easy kids who do everything correctly and it's good to remember that like we don't talk about the specifics of our kids and their issues needs problems because that's our business but I think it's good to underline for people who probably sometimes listening to think like must be nice to have kids who don't have anything that goes wrong. You know not the case as it. Turns out. No family is struggle free as it turns out. Yeah and like some of those struggles, we do keep private because they're private and their private to our lives and our kids and you know I don't want my kids to have a record of issues and problems and diagnoses and anything else that's going on with them. That's not anybody's business but it is you know an interesting element of how we talk about our kids because I definitely see sometimes people commenting like you don't know what it's like and I'm like I kinda do but I don't actually want to broadcast that because it's my kids business. What are your favorite ways of dealing with the repetitiveness of covid twenty twenty? Screaming into the void way like rocking in the fetal position screaming into the void fighting with our husbands and hating our families. That's what I like to do to deal with it. I have a yoga class that I, really like it's rhythm yoga on facebook. This advice amy I hate this advice I want to like it why? Because I want to be a person who could deal with my problems by taking yoga but I'm just so fundamentally not that person I deal with my problems eating potato chips and you deal with it by doing yoga and I want to be you but I'm me. But you know what? The Yoga it's not about the like warrior to whatever it's about sitting these women who I only know the teacher in real life I don't even know the other women that always show up for this class at a certain time and we see each other in the window and it's just a handful of people and It's a connection in every time. It's something that I have found from pandemic and it's like sitting in a quiet church from the like it just centers me and brings me back and I never would have thought that a yoga class over zoom could work in that way. It just makes me feel better and I'm okay right now and I actually Kinda love this class and I would never have found it and so for the next forty five minutes I'm okay here it isn't like the me reach new levels of health and strength. It's just I'm safe until ten. Am right here I mean I like the concept but I try to do yoga and my mind is like I do I. Have a bike and I spent at home and like that's more my vibe loud music and frenetic exercise I can't I find I just cannot get into the meditation thing right now it's like a just literally can't do it the minute I sit still it's like the world is ending on armor I just it's not for me right now Melissa, says I love this question one part of me feels cozy and Nasty To my home and one part of me feels total boredom and leaves me wondering is this life forever and I think one thing I'm trying to do. As you know I'm going to spend the winter being a Danish baby wrapped up in a blanket outside it's been pretty warm here in the East Coast. So it hasn't started yet Danish baby. I. Know. My Danish. Baby Self is not coming to seventy five degrees every. Day but I lean into the coziness. We do a lot of like Saturday family movie at eleven o'clock and we all get a blanket. We sit on the couch. We watch a movie like we're leaning in too cozy and relaxed, and it's not forever but I have found that like let's do a family activity of painting. You know the garage that's not where it's at its let's do a family movie of all putting. Blankets on and watching this movie better for us. That's why I. Think what I'm trying to say like that like Oh this is life forever what's going to happen like I forget that for that our you can forget that when you have the way to blanket on the couch and the moments when you can let yourself forget that what will get us through I think. All right. We'll be right back with more questions. Did you see that Mindy killing a second baby and managed to keep it secret from basically everyone amino something I love a secret celebrity baby warranty unlike I'll take all the good news I can get i. have more good news for kindle inaudible users. Mindy failing also has a new book out from Amazon Original Stories this short story collection is called nothing like I imagined it six short stories about how she juggles for life as a mom. Of Two now a single parent and wait for it a Hollywood power. Brent Scher. Yeah I mean she's got a lot going on. She also narrates these short stories herself and Amazon prime members can listen to or read nothing like I imagined for free download nothing like imagined today at Amazon Dot. COM Slash Mindy Stories guys we love Mindy. That's Amazon Dot. com slash mindy stories to get Mindy Kaeling and even more mom laughs in your life. Amy here comes cold and flu season such a special time of year. What's the worst nothing sadder than a little sick Baba you know there are studies showing that vitamin C and elderberry can reduce the duration and severity of colds and Flus, and that's why little rituals kids super immunity boost vitamins include both elderberry and vitamin C. immunity boost in gummy form I like it. They know how kids think little rituals dummies have been rigorously kid tested kids love the taste plus little rituals have more elderberry and less sugar than other leading brands there. Vegan they're. Gluten free all that good stuff. Little rituals was founded by a mother daughter team and we love the women owned companies around here and with every little rituals order, you make donate three meals to families in need right here in the US. What fresh hell listeners get ten percent off your first order and free shipping with Promo code fresh goto little rituals, kids dot com that's little rituals kids dot com the Promo Code fresh for ten percent off your first order plus free shipping. Amy, we're back OK Magdalena says, how do you juggle working full-time raising kids while keeping the house? Do either of you have housekeepers if yes how often are they outsourcing? If anything? Do you do to keep it all together and running seed? This is one of those questions where I think like the honesty is good just because we don't talk about the people who support us in work doesn't mean that we don't have them right? I mean yes. Maybe I don't have them. I need more of them. I was GonNa say we have always done everything in the podcast ourselves in the spring over editing to Christie, our editor who love awesome and just this fall I. Guess it was sort of during the pandemic we were sort of like we can do more, but only if we stop doing it all and so we have bought somebody on a mom of two young kids who is now doing a lot of producing work for us and. It's helping us get to things that we kind of like Oh we should do that one of these days we're actually doing those things instead of just putting them on a list for another six months, and so it's really helping us but we wouldn't be doing that without that support for sure and I have a babysitter who helps us some I mean it's tough because it hours add up. So quickly for me with sitting, you know that like we don't really. have in our budget I keep thinking how nice it would be if we can have someone three days a week to help with the home schooling for the kids while I work but we don't have that and so I wish we did but we don't. So I, end up doing too much work amy about this all the time. Right it's like deep work is the work that you do when you have five hours of quiet and I have almost no ban. With for that kind of work right now, which I'm finding really frustrating because I'm basically like, yes, I am working on the podcast and planning comedy bids and figuring out what's the next episode and doing all of that work while I sit in a room with a kid who's asking me how to do fractions every ten minutes and it's super frustrating and I wish that was different. Also my kids schools re shutdown. So I'm home with three home schooling kids now. Hopefully. Prey to everything that exists and knock on wood at the same time they're going back next week, and then I have two days a week where I have a seven hour day where I'm by myself and that's the only time I can really do you work I can't really do good work while I have kids who are homeschooling and it's super frustrating. We don't have anybody who cleans our house because that's one thing I don't find that. Bad I mean one thing is I can clean the house while the kids are home schooling. That's no problem because it doesn't take a break. Yes right. You can live the dishwasher weather there. Yes exactly. I've never been more caught up on my laundry and had fresh sheets on the bed like I do right now because that's easy to do while the kids are here homeschooling the what's falling behind for me is like the creative work you now the. Just. Thinking of scripts and comedy and how to put it together and it gets done. But I do feel that thing of it's a drag not having the time to myself, but you can't beat yourself up about the I always felt this way about summertime summertime. I'm just not GonNa get as much done as it kids your home all around. I'm just GONNA relax into this because it is temporary and I'll get my kid free time back in September and of course that didn't happen in the same way this year but beating ourselves up about why we're not getting. Our you know book treatment written doesn't mean it's GonNa get written right now. Right? We're all just homework with the kids I think that's right and I think that leads us into. Nicky's question really well, Margaret says all the time that her mantra is don't hold. So tightly let go of your control things that maybe don't matter. But how I would love some specifics on how to apply this philosophy on the many conflicts and struggles that we have in faces moms, right so I mean this is another thing that comes up some types in the facebook group and All of this stuff guys is much easier to say than to implement and I don't want anyone to ever have the impression that we're like, and that's how to have a happy family and then I go put on my Donna Reed dressing like dance around the kitchen while I, make dinner and all my kids are like, thank you. Gorgeous mother for this wonderful meal like of course, we're just talking this stuff out because it's so hard to do right right and so when we say like, yes, come in underneath it less yelling makes for a more peaceful home for everybody we. Still Yell at our kids all the time. Of course we do and I think holding less tightly the way to practice. It is just that to try to practice it like we said on the saying no episode that like one of the things I've put in places come from a place of no start with no, and then see if you can convince yourself it's a practice that helps me in something that I have trouble with what you're saying. No similarly holding things tightly is something that I. Don't do well but I recently found when I had to restart home schooling my kids. that. I was in a screaming match with two of my kids by eleven o'clock every morning it's the place i. go to what's wrong here I'm holding it too tightly I'm convincing myself that I can somehow wedge fractions into my child's head with enough effort and that I'm on the wrong track there, I need to hold it less time I need to walk away and say if you're having problems with this, there is a video thing where you can video for extra help with your teacher at the end of the day. That's what you should do. This is something that I have to let go of and somebody said it on A. Recent episode that we were recording that like don't worry about college until high school and for some reason that's become part of my less holding tightly mantra-like I have a seventh grader WHO's struggling in a couple of things and I'm like, what am I doing? This doesn't really matter right now if he needs extra help, we'll get him some in the summer like it's just a mantra that there's no to unlock the holding it less tightly box. It's something you have to practice. It's also something that's to say we have older kids than a lot of people listening do, and we talk about that a lot that our listener is somebody with A. Two year old and a newborn, not three teenagers also think that's why sometimes we might say something useful because it is in retrospect that you have the perspective to say, you know what I wish I had done this summer. When we say this is how you need to handle. The baby won't sleep through the night doesn't mean that we did it. That way means that we look back and say, Oh, we could have done it that way we should have done it that way. The stuff is all easier to see when you're not in it. Right and that is advice that I seek now from older parents not older age wise people who Have older kids that this idea of like it doesn't matter how your kid is doing in sixth grade basically, they'll catch up or they won't and high school. They're going to revisit all of this material and I look back and I think I can't believe how much I worried about potty training like every kid eventually figures it out and like it's fine. Yes. If it's a developmental marker, that's a issue and a problem like you might need to get help with it, it might be a problem that lingers longer than you really wish it will. You might not be able to send your kid to that daycare 'cause they're not potty trained yet. It doesn't mean it's not a problem if it's a problem for you but in general, there's nothing in my life as a parent, a hundred percent. This is true that I look back on and I think I wish I had worried and stressed about that more nothing I have actually have a good hold it less lightly example that actually works because I've missed something I have to try to do a lot. So one of my kids perceives Themselves as a math struggler, the math teachers this kid has had of said I think they're pretty good at math what they think that they're not and we have had tears about math and you need to be doing math a certain way and we live in New York City where you have to apply to high school and they really WanNa. See a certain math proficiency potato. There were tears there were stress. This kid has now moved back. In math because we were leaning into the math and there were tears and crying in, you know we're doing great have dropped back in math. This kid had one hundred on a math test brought it to me the teacher wrote like fantastic job on it, and this kid is so proud of themselves is soaring because we held it less lightly right like maybe accelerated math is not the path for this kit. You held it more lightly. Sorry. A held it more lightly by saying maybe accelerated math is not the path for child. Nor does it need to be and to see the sort of shoulders drop my kid I just felt like I'm doing the right thing and if this kid doesn't get to go to a certain high school because their math proficiency is not XYZ than, they shouldn't have gone to that high school and figuring that out in real time I will say another thing that has really helped me and I hate to complement remote learning because I really do despise it but seeing the kids math let me tell you I have no idea. I feel like this is like a punch line four times negative three last week I couldn't have told you gotta answer for a million dollars. I have no idea how it works when you multiply a positive number by a negative number like if I was a friend of firing squad, I would die i. have no idea what the answer is I have since learned of d fifty live. Yeah that's true. I have. A fifty fifty chance but I would've just killed myself because I would have been like there i. don't want to answer this question I'm so scared but the thing is my life functions quite well, I'm great at life and I don't know how to do seventh grade math guess what it's fine and I know that my parents it's I'm one of four siblings and my other three siblings were all incredibly good students. Like three for four were knock it out of the park. Amazing learners genius level cues went to the world's best schools always got as I think, all three of them were probably Valedictorians of their class like really extraordinary students and I was like the black sheep of my family. Guess what I'm doing fine. It's growing great for me and it doesn't matter that I don't know how to multiply entities it doesn't matter. What's an entity? Also what are entertainers? That's it? Something Integer is somehow about that positive and negative. That's what it's called. Right multiplying into tears I. Didn't even know that where do we go guys? It doesn't matter in the scheme of things. It's fine. Do you think it's giving you more assertive empathy for your kids like, wow this actually really is hard and when you're crying about it now I see why no? I. Wish that was true I just get crazy when they start. I'm just like to your father I mean I. do think I try not to say to them because I actually don't think it's helpful advice for a child. This doesn't matter at all because that undercuts work that they have to do. My sister-in-law says all the time and I think it's A good point life is different than school, but school is its own thing and you have to get through school. So I don't I would never tell my kids I don't know how to do this and I do I'm telling you guys that. But that's not what I. Actually say to my children I'm like you have to figure it out because school. Is School and you have to do school but I find my own perspective is it doesn't matter but no. When my kids go crazy, I go crazy but I'm getting better at it. I'm holding it less strongly you don't have to know seventh grade math for anything in your tire life except for passing seventh grade math but you have to pass seventh. Grade Masks that's the formula. The problem is you need eighth grade math you need to. It's cumulative in ways that like say history isn't right seventh grade learning about Egypt and eighth grade you're learning about American history but that's right and that's where I went. So wrong in math like I stopped paying attention this graded the Bhai Ninth Grade I was like I really fell behind and it's true like it is on your permanent record. In that way if you miss the stuff in sixth grade, you don't catch up ninth grade and that's how I was I. Didn't know I'm terrible math but it doesn't matter. But my kids it does matter for they have to get it and they can't be annoyed with me that they don't know math let. Me Tell you another bit of perspective. Wish I knew this then because my oldest is applying to college this fall and could make this apply to college podcast but I'm not going to do that to you guys. But one thing that's really interesting is for their grades like you think like grades in high school matter that they do but apparently finding out in fall of senior year colleges. Love to see improvement from freshman to junior year to hear my kid killed himself freshman sophomore junior year and his you know his transcript is great and it's flat and then I'm like what he could like he would have been better off with a few more bs really like they were freshman year yet because then you see growth like now you tell me so there's they'd like to. See growth put that in your pocket. All right. We're GONNA focus on growth. That's where we're going. We're going to try to grow from here I need personal growth. I'm GONNA learn just as my own personal growth now I mean, this is the thing I feel like it's very annoying advice to get when you're in it like Oh this doesn't matter like what I see my kid doesn't eat. It's going to be fine. I. Would say my brother-in-law who literally just like pull a fish out of the ocean and like eat it's add like eat anything in the world his mom told me a couple years ago that he only eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for two full years of his life because I'm like Oh right like that's the chip that you wish you could put on people's brains, which is like Oh but you don't WanNa hear it doesn't matter when you're in it but guess what guys it doesn't matter right? We'll be right back. I have some. Of My face that come from being an Oldie locks. But I've been using my custom apostrophe cream on it and I'm seeing a difference already, amy I'm so happy for you. APOSTROPHE is a prescription care company that makes it easy and affordable to see a board certified dermatologist line. So I filled out apostrophes questionnaire about my skin concerns and medical history staff the few southeast. Then my dermatologist got back to me with my treatment plan and first of all, she told me my skin looks good for my age week. Why should she be my dermatologist did not tell me that she was an you need help i. don't know what can I say Holy Lucky for you Amen PASTA FREE SHIP my prescription cream right to me not trip to the drugstore no way to see a doctor I love it so much bitterness right now, get your first visit with a board certified dermatologist at apostrophe Dot Com for only five dollars when user code fresh the code is only available to our listeners to get started. Go to Apostoli. Dot Com and click begin visit and use the code fresh and you'll get your dermatology visit for only five dollars I'm going in guys going to spell it A. P. O. S. T. R. O. P. H. E. DOT COM apostrophe dot com and use that code fresh to get your dermatology visit for only five dollars Amy Are you spending more on groceries these days? Yes, I am. Did you know you can save money by using hellofresh versus shopping at your local grocery store up to forty percent had like to make another point. hellofresh has pre portioned ingredients and that means you're not overbuying that helps your wallet and the planet. overbuying is my Achilles heel plus you're saving time save that trip to the store save the time figuring out what's for dinner hellofresh has recipes are so easy to follow. You can get dinner on the table in thirty minutes or even less. Yes. I have a good one and a quick one the sesame soy pork bulls with male Cilantro crispy onions that one was a crowd pleaser guys grabbed that one if you see it in the menu options because it's it's sheely. Mayo is my love language, and during the coronavirus crisis hellofresh is stepping up their food donations to local communities everywhere go to hellofresh dot com slash eighty laughing and use code eighty laughing to get a total of eighty dollars off across five boxes including free shipping on your first box. That's hellofresh dot com slash eighty laughing and the code eighty laughing to get free shipping on your first box and eighty dollars off across your first five boxes hellofresh dot com slash eighty, laughing. All right amy let's start with something easy for part three. Okay. This is something I have no idea. I would not be able to answer this at all about you. So I'm interested to what is your favorite kind of music? Oh my gosh. The truth is I am not such a big music listener have to save I had to guess that would be my guess. Yeah like I like silence although I have certainly I like silence the Amy Wilson Story I'm fine with silence but I also do love like I'm a news junkie I listened to a lot of podcast you're driving in the car wind in your hair it can't be all things considered like what is it on your Best Day But if I had to listen to music so this is crazy story. Wise this is very you that you don't listen to music I love it every time I listen to music. I. Like Music I should listen to music, but you don't I hate so much of it. You know like Xm hits like I hate anything Auto Tony old you know there are many ways. I. Mean. This is a great couple of in which he remind me of my mom sometimes and my mom also did not. Like to listen to music like I. Find that it tracks for me. Yes. You don't like to listen to music, but one here's one like you haven't heard of the sky probably and you would really like Frankie and the lights never heard Frankie and the lights and I found franking the lights because I was lucky enough to get to go to the grammys a couple years ago when they're in New York. City. And to the grammys solicit you went to the grammys like who would wanna go to the grammys everybody and you're not really into music but I'll go listen to podcast you're. Is there a podcast category all this shouting into the microphone musically is quite annoying but you know when do the podcasters come on? So I went to the grammy's and it was amazing but I also got to go to some like ancillary events around the grammy's and so. Two nights before the grammys we went to this party, my husband and me and you know it was like the artist from this label. Anyway we stack to this woman who's from La you know like we're in like a tiny mosh pit and she's like he's amazing. Frankie he's extremely talented and we're like, okay, we'll get. We'll stay for the show and this guy comes out he kind of sings he sounds like Lin Manuel Miranda. And that's absolutely true and his music is really mellow and I guess rappers love him because they sample as music a lot. I have to. You sounded pretty old locks when you were like I guess rappers love him because they sample his music a lot back in my dairy they like his jams they dig his fly jams there into his beats I believe is how you? To See him perform he is this deeply weird like dancing all over the place like true artists and at the beginning of his concert, my husband and I are alike, you're getting like the Church giggles like this guy is crazy and then by the like actually yes and artistic genius and I love his music, you want to join his call. So when I want to listen to something I, tell my smart speaker hey put on. Frankie and the lights it's just him make the joke is the act is Frankie and then the lights. That's all there is on stage of the lights get it. I'm thinking of Katrina and the waves if that dates me Frankie and the lights so franken. The light. So that's a free when everyone really liked him he's chill. Okay interesting. You didn't. He didn't expect that. Right how about you? What's your favorite music? I, love music. I love pop music. That's what I love. Don't love it. Okay. I was like I was a Madonna devoted like I loved her it away way that was unhealthy I thought about her like six hours a day for ten years. Love loved. Loved. I'm like a mall girl like I love the pop acts loved Brittany Christina all the pop divas of the nineties now. I Love Taylor Swift like I love the most popular pop princess. Okay. I like Arianna Grande. Day I like pop music. That's my jam. I like all music I like to have music. I want. I'm cooking like music on we my husband one year for Mother's Day gave me outdoor speakers like we can have music on when we're in the backyard I love that. I like folk music I love musicals. Of course, I was like a musical theater and hurt in highschool so I love all musicals. Yeah. I like music. The only thing I really can't listen to is heavy metal, which is the only music that my husband likes. You're kidding so. We always say like we're horribly in mismatch my husband for those of you don't know him. He's laughing because she does know him it just doesn't track home. He's like a preppy engineer nerd from Texas. Like he should either like country music or like. What silence like me I would have said Bing crosby. Yeah. He might. He loves like thrasher metal. Yeah. So we are truly can't list that would raise my heart rate too quickly. No, it's no good for me but I'm not into music like I have a record player I have this vinyl like I'm not into any of that stuff but I love pop me a good pop song is the greatest thing that could ever happen to a person in my point of view a solid. Pop hit carly gypsum. She really knows what she's doing with those profits. Yea. I like her yeah she's amazing I like it I haven't yet. I keep waiting to hit the music where I'm like this is it real music like I love chance the rapper I love music love it. Okay. What else do we have here? How about this one Elizabeth asks this question she says she likes fitness she's having trouble finding time to work out how do you overcome the guilt that comes with? Taking a break to something important to you how do you explain to your little ones that mommy isn't available right now without hurting their feelings I feel like this I do not have this chip in my brain. I do not have this gene in my DNA like I do not have this problem taking a break to do something important to me. I just do that thing I mean I guess to actually give vice explaining to your little ones. Mommy's an available without hurting their feelings. I think you have to change the definition of that which is that it's really good for your kids for you to do things independently of them and if you frame it to yourself is hurting their feelings you're going to feel bad about it but there is absolutely zero reason to ever feel bad about doing things away from your kids and the sensation that they have of like fear and anxiety and crying because they're not going to be with you is a skilled they need to build. Yes that's right and so you've gotta lean in on that. I mean not hurting your kids feelings should not be on your list of concerns in my mind I would say the easiest thing here is if you really need to be away from your kids, you have to be absent. They can't see you trying to take a break on the couch and watch your favorite show while they want something that never goes that while. But I wrote a book I wrote most of the manuscript. A book in four months and it was an insane task but I did it and because my kids were pretty little at the time. So I did it with my husband's support and of course, a babysitter support but the weekends pretty much every mornings my kids were really little. I would get up at six am and I would height I would go to a room up above the garage where they didn't know where I was and I would right from six until nine thirty. Without fail they didn't know I was there said they couldn't feel bad that you know I just wasn't home from what they knew, and then I re emerged at nine thirty or ten, and I was done till the next morning and that got me through. That's how I did it, and the only way that it was possible is for them to actually not realize that I was in the house somewhere. This reminds me of an old story. Can I convey it? I'm going to try. A. Major I was riding the subway and there was a political candidate who would be on the subway and he was like one of those really zany political candidates you know like there's always that person right like a crazy guy in a cowboy hat who somehow running for Congress and just hangs out of the same subway train every day. Do you know what? I'm talking about? This phenomenon Miller with this character sure. kind of like naked cowboy in Times Square and picturing maybe not that weird. He would somehow he's also running for Congress, right? Yes and there was a famous guy in New York. The rent is too damn high man and that's all he said was the rent is too damn high I mean there's always that candidate and this guy was that guy and he had a what do you call it when you have your platform like written on a little palm card, it's like your platform I guess is what it's called. It's all the things you believe in personally and I don't even remember where he was on the political spectrum, but he would be like taxes must bring them down and then there were other things it would be like you know healthcare must provide it for everyone. He just had it really simple answers and then there was a whole stream of things that were on this category and his response to them was this isn't a thing move on. Really made me laugh like I just I. had it with me for a long time and it's become kind of a mantra in my life and I don't mean to be dismissive at all because I. Understand that people have this problem of like how can I help my kids like there is a part of me that's like this isn't a thing move on like your kids will absolutely be fine with you. Taking time for yourself. Everyone will be happier in this situation on my palm card. This is kind of in the category of like this isn't a thing. It's actually better for everyone for you to put yourself first including the kids including the little ones who might cry MSU absolutely including the. Kids and I feel like one thing. There's a couple of things on the podcast that I feel like that is serious lots of things that I'm working out but there's a couple of things. I know and like leaving your kids putting yourself at the top of your own triangle and finding your own fitness and happiness benefits everyone in the room carrying about what your way that is not a thing move on. You know there are just certain things like holding things too tightly and thinking that you can absolutely affect the outcome of a situation that is not a thing move on. You know I think there's a couple of things on the PODCASTS that I firmly put in that category I will say. Also that I've come to understand over time that my spouse he's a guy and I think a lot of guys they take time for themselves. They feel entitled to do it and they do. So you know my spouse overtime had to learn that I would like the acknowledgement I would like the so it is it okay with you if I go do this the Saturday and before and not just being told that he was going to disappear for a few hours but he did it and I would stay. Home sort of seething with resentment like I don't WanNa, hear about your golf game. When you come home because I enabled your golf game I don't WanNa. Spend Ninety more seconds hearing about your golf game. When you come home, I don't care. I. Just want my own time but he entitled himself to it and he took it and my response to that was to feel resentful about when do I get my alone time and I never just took some you see what I'm saying it took me a long time. Ally honors your percents see what you're saying but I do think that that's right like take your time it really again, we always say, right it's not advice because you read it in a book it's advice because it works and it makes things better and working out and being away from your kids works for everyone we promise it's worth at. How about this from Jonah Amy which is your favorite scientific journal? Question because it makes me think that people just think that you live and like a giant library and you're like which scientific journal Shall I peruse today she's goofing on me. Should I tell you how I find these studies she's probably wondering I don't think she's goofing on you. I think she's legit. Because, people imagine that you love science all the time. So we have Margaret and I work a couple of weeks ahead on Mike. We'll talk about this and how about this topic for that week and so we know what the topic is and so like how to get better at saying no, we choose that as a topic because I want to get better at saying no, that sounds like something I'd like to learn more about, and so I just start you know googling what's Around it, but then it's very easy to get down a rabbit hole. Some article that's been written about it won't refer to a study and then I will I'll go find that study and I'll read it in that study Wolfer to another study, and then I'll go find that study and I enjoy it I. Love It. But the thing that I love most about it is that this work this research totally improves my parenting in my way of life by getting think about the. Stuff I love that it's sort of my assignment to do it because I wouldn't otherwise and I do love it and we're very well matched because I hate to do that kind of stuff and so amy does it and it's great. Yeah. I would not read an article on parenting if you paid me money but luckily, amy does not feel the same way slot of good stuff out there amy, let's end with the most important question of Corona Virus Times what are you binge? Watching these days what we know about the vow, we know about the vow by tell you, it's something else I watched that I loved was Amy Schumer's three part documentary also on Hbo Max that follows her during her pregnancy and childbirth. Loved it. Loved it keep thinking we should try to get her on the podcast we gotta reach out in at least try it's you watch it like she is my best friend. Yes definitely. If we could meet she is so cool and so funny. And it's I thought it was a funny perspective because she has hyper. With her during her pregnancy, which I assume everybody listening knows what this is, which is like you throw up all the time and it's the BARF thing. Yeah and it's not keep morning sickness. It's all day long for nine months but this I thought it was funny that this documentary makes it like you'll never like in the next episode you're GonNa find out what's wrong and I'm like something else is wrong and they're like you have hyper amuses. We. kind of got that from the BARF. Yeah Right. But when you hang around with like fifty five year old stand up comics all men you know they're like what sometimes throwing up doesn't stop I thought that was funny. I will say you have to have a high tolerance for vomiting I a sympathetic. And it was hard for me to get through like I. Really I really have that thing of like if you vomit in the room with me, I start vomiting and so it was if you're like me, you're sympathetic vomit or maybe watch this one. Yeah. I had to fast forward through certain parts of it because I was actually feeling sick by the end of it and that's the only thing I can speak against because of it. Great. Otherwise, we're love in the vow I'm watching a lot of top chef we're going through for some reason top chef is about what I can handle. We'd been watching not homecoming what's the show cleared DADS, and Mandy Patinkin. Land Yeah, we've been watching that I'm like I can't take it. I can't take car chases and stress right now I need people I need zero stakes high interest and for us that's top chef like did your souffle rise or not that's all I can handle right now so we're working our way through. and. Tom. Kalicki. Oh I have the most overwhelming crush on him like I. Find It. My husband is like getting mad at me. He's like I can't even picture him. He's for some reason he is very much. My type I've always dated Stocky Ball dudes I find that like it's a type of mine and he's that like a thick thick ball dude for some reason I asked my type. It's a weird thing that I have but anyway, this is turning really weird. The end of this podcast episode like Furry. Are you into phrase? No, I'm not into furry is I do like it's the opposite of a bear think it's like a hairless stocky. CASTILLE. It's a seal I. Don't think you might have just invented that I'm dying. Anyway I have wild crush on Tom, Kalicki. Oh, I want him to like okay critique me as I cook I don't even know if it's a romantic thing it's just I love him. I'm with him. I love pod Moloch Chm me I absolutely am wildly into a gale the other woman I just love them. I. Could Watch top chef all day it's I. Feel like a Danish baby I feel all wrapped up in. Safe when I watch it that's my go-to. I kinda need a show. So I'm going to say as we wrap this up that we want you guys as always to come to our facebook group and page facebook dot com for slash what shall cast and I'm going to start a thread like what's my next binge watching show facebook is where I always get the best ideas about what to read next what to watch next And I need something to take me away we need a book thread and we need a a show thread. We'll put those on the show pitch. Oh. You know what we I have created it and not launched it yet we have a bookstore now for our show Rachelle bookshop dot org, which supports Indie book stores all around the country where you can get not only every book from every guest we've had on. The show over the last four years. But also just books be like we're starting to put up on there and I'm GonNa keep that going I'm GonNa put that definitely this week up on facebook so you can check it out and get all the books like awesome. Guys. Thanks so much for asking these questions it was so much fun and thanks for listening. We'll talk to you next time talk to you next week. Bye.

Jonah Amy Margaret Sister facebook US David P. diddy Amy I. Nick Mom amy kate WanNa New York Amy Schumer nickelodeon H. E. L. Amy Wilson director
Drunken Confessions  Episode 38

PodcastDetroit.com

52:25 min | 1 year ago

Drunken Confessions Episode 38

"You're listening to the PODCAST DETROIT visit. WWW DOT odd tested troy dot com before information. Welcome to you. Another episode of Drunken Confessions A- show for the bold and the brave drunken season. We're safe to tell the stories. You might not want your family to hear your best trend's already know and always makes for a good round as never. Have I ever raise a glass or more. We don't judge with us every week on the PODCASTS. Kathy number hello and welcome to drunken confessions episode. Thirty eight. What what am I am? Your sphere meets initiative. Let me let me very mature. Dave who who's they're interrupting cal. I just love him. He's spunky she really is so I I am yours. Spirit Guide casts. Jeremy sometimes got husband or things a lot of other things. I'm your host amy I am. You're ahead engineer. Stephanie Dave here try and sat me. Hey Jamie I'm just kind of party crash yes we have a we have a new guest tonight. Welcomes Dole's tones of JJ. I just assumed he was coming on the show because he was. He's here. I'm like Oh so you're coming on the show right and he's just kind of hanging out but okay. Well guess what all right okay. So are. Welcome cheers tonight is welcome Jamie. Thanks for hanging Mushin. Happy Wednesday loop. It's going to be much happier after like this and a couple of glasses of wine but yes yeah we all kind of need a to let loose after the slung s week. Even though it's only Wednesday I know it feels like Thursday all day today. I'm like is it Thursday Thursday team which was Thursday. I feel like we're five five months into two thousand twenty and it's only January. It's gone that way. So speaking of which was everyone's week cast how. How was your week this week? I went to L. peanut sauce. No yeah that's about it. You saw some congratulations. Thank on things that actually we We hung out with Tom's cousin. She owns a she runs onto the snow. Dogs it's a youtube channel and she has over a million subscribers. Yeah Oh she's the huskies right. Oh my God it was just. She's she's very like after talking to her. You're just like you want to run out and like all. Yeah I can do this to you. Know what she's just very inspiring and just it was really cool so I I did like that so that was cool. I got my starter kit from us for my side Hustle. Yeah those so I keep calling it last week. Candlelight or party like party like I yeah. That's a little different than here romance but yeah I got so. I didn't get candles but if I if I do get candles is probably. Do you know for like a little wax to the low temperature. Yeah Yeah Yeah so so I got my I got my appear romance starter. So I'm kind of excited about it. Yeah I know right so tonight to go home and order a few more things thanks for myself because my vibrator boat this week. Oh Oh that was just stupid thing when shut off mood killer you doubt off to the side because you wanna finish their business going and the things still going on all over the table and everything and we'll push the button. I'm like Bush. The Biden didn't we kept pushing. The button is to shut up. We end up having to take the damn batteries hooked. Wow here's the party game. That should absolutely the table and then you need vibrator racist kind of like the old ones. I had football games and then just put and just see who gets the touchdown I and that's the one I'm just saying we are having a castle castle. Is Birthday Party after our pure here a romance party. This may be a thing at our birthday party. Oh good I'm GonNa yes because I'm excelled. Now I can get deals like that so very excited excite you guys want to go to bars. I don't know if they're going to want us. No we can do it. I don't know what the temple bar like now reiter races. How much do whatever we want to see where the night shall take us absolutely? We're GONNA HAVE TEMPLE WE'RE GONNA have vibrator raises a precedence for I tell you bartender well dancefloor besides Stephanie and I so truth. Jeremy Jeremy How has your week. Monday's kind of screwed up pretty much. The Week Going to work and so one of those situations you try to fix something within and you find out the guy before you screwed up when he did it so. There's a lot of extra stuff involved in this week cleaning up. Everyone's mass. Yes very much so so. Thank you for the transplant. Code like the person that like. You know the person that's going to be inheriting. Your code is a reaching homicide psychopath. Huynh has your address. Like that's how you live your life true story. It is all right so up until today. Hey My week has absolutely sucked and to sum it up not to get too depressing. My account got breached hat hacked. Whatever some bitch fuck install all my money and he knows a bit because either way male or female there okay? That's a bitch shit. You know like what's his name from. Yeah so all my money was stolen. That's amazing yeah so That was Monday morning so it started off rough however credits to my bank because my money has been returned and to me with no penalties. Everything is crystal clear within forty eight hours so never understood why they don't have like why can't every place care about me as much as Google does about my dude I have I have two factor authentication I have all this stuff and yet whenever I signed in anywhere. Google's Goma God dude just saw device signed into your account they even pass your two factor. Is this really you. Yes I love that why I do. You have to say like so husband over here. He doesn't he does not use facebook at all. I'm constantly on facebook. The only reason why I found out my account got hacked act is because my bank posted a facebook post and said we had a breach. Please log on to your count. They said and if you wow that's pretty in front of them Holy Shit. Yeah they didn't send me an email no tax. Last time I got my card had to be replaced they they called me but this I need. They put it out on facebook. They said we had a breach if Please check your account right away if you have anything. That's not yours. Call us. I logged onto my account and all I see is paypal paypal. Pay Pal. Hell pay pal. I've never used pay pal in my entire life really. Never what rock do you live under. I don't I don't have a need for the Texas. Everybody Ninety nine cents people a dollar ninety eight testing it making me out works hundred and eighty three dollar puppy and some odd odd sense then a sixty three dollar cents and it continued and I'm like of course it would be me. Hey girl out attack right for credit yes so without. It was super stressful. But you know we're going outcome and I'm happy with that in mind you this is. The person is super care for the cards. She refuses to use them. At the gas pumps only uses at Tyler's she won't use it online bank account online whatsoever only through the car supercar precautions. Like it's just kind of funny. When you do the Banca Astrakan now? Ah Take my money. You'RE GONNA take it right or whatever. I do a slight bit easier but I mean somebody looked at the backside fine but now it's Wednesday and I'm in a great mood and everything is a okay in the World Jack. How is Stephanie's going well Stephanie? Stephanie is having an existential life crisis for no apparent reason. So that's for. Stephanie is at which is drinking. Oh Oh it's fine to yesterday today. That was pitchy Thursday. The cast Wednesday. I know I know these things somewhere in the back of my house. Let that my left. All it's been going going on with me you're good I'll survive it. I've survived them a million times. I'm sure you know. Also this one you dave I dude I edge. It's it's been a week like seriously. How the hell is it only Wednesday? You know what I like I like I like I give like technology has screwed screwed me harder than like. I don't know like a ten dollar Thai horror like it's just it's not dollars. Wow that's expensive so you get everything you want for ten dollars herpes. HIV syphilis gonorrhea longtime. How many times have you had none? But I've watched Platoon quite a few times. They were ladyboys some of them. No no I don't not at all goes back to archer. I've got an extra twenty thousand baht if you're Netflix female so you had an awful dude. It's just it's been a week. It's actually it's been kind of a shit two weeks and I'm I'm trying and Keep my shit together like not snap. And it's it's getting challenging. Am I a bad friend because I'm taking I'm taking. I love that you've had a bad week like I've had a bad week shoe company kind of thing like Oh oh. I'm not alone in this wrong. There's there's a horrible friend no I try to keep that whole like. Don't let the highest get too high. Don't get lows get too low league. Adam I'm trying to keep all that in mind they were. Were like. There's some great shit happening from the whole podcast studios perspective I'm cool with that but I just Okay like let's February and get past the ship. Then you've came to drunken confession every all your problem everything everything is also guys open up the heavens come down what about you Jamie. How was your week or why school during the week and so I'm automatic? Today today was first week of the new semester so just through finals I got. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Yeah so the my last is weekend was grading papers like all weekend long as I'm an idiot and I'm an English teacher so I like stacks of SNL. Give kids essays for finals. Because I'm a jerk and then sure so I gotTa beat meet a bunch of new kids a new semester started and I actually. I hate people in general but I've met some pretty cool kids so I have. I have some some some. Some old was returning. Sorry that are fun and some sub cool new kids coming in so I've actually on I'm on a roll. I'm having a good week. It's positive I usually on drinking scotch heavy by this point so good yes well. I think challenge college except action and Stephanie wanted to do it she gets to pull it. I do get to pull it the Dow and here we get a little bit. Togan tickle down. There I of this podcast is going to be longer than our usual. Yes okay well you know I like it that way. Kind of a tame came one but I guess not really depending on how it went so as amy gonNA turn fifty shades. No I said kind of became one. How old were you when your parents sat you down for the talk? And what did they say or not say about the birds and the bees like did your parents ever have an official conversation with you about sucks. I will just start and say my parents never did. I've I feel like I've always known about sex. It's like one of those things I felt like I was born knowing and I mean it sounds kind of creepy and wrong but I know my parents are conversation. You're not creepy and wrong. I'm one hundred percent on the same boat. My parents had never had sex talk. The closest Questions I had I went to my older sister and it is what it is. Yeah it's not like us anymore like people like you down and say all right son word. I think you were a little harder than to be gay gay but since everybody at this table is older than stuff denies That was harsh. I I liked amy swinging. I'm sorry but I was like Fuck Doc. Id Chad her. She's tonight off Jack Dave so oh I I'll try to keep it light and funny. It's like my mom. Had the challenge me really really early because she just she knew me she knew what was going on with your life and all that kind of stuff he's l.. Let me my stepfather. When I'm like fifteen like he's like hey man he's he's a he's a commodity he's coming out of the garage and Mike All Right? I just WanNa talk to you shoot. And he's like you know you're hitting that point in time in your life and I literally burst out laughing. And he was like what's so funny and I'm like are are you about to try to have the sex talk with me. He was like yeah. Yeah I'm like okay. Here's the thing so I lost my virginity at twelve and mom had this talk with me after she caught US having sex the saved him from that. Hey Jamie know folks never had that talk with me. I did find a book in the den was it. What was it? The porn elves known up for an illustrated was like cartoony kind of illustrated and I don't know if they left it out intentionally or if it was in the den is like well. If they're doing research maybe the fine this one. I don't know so that's we've never actually had the talk doc if we ever have children which hopefully we don't agree shop GonNa leave him later the passive aggressive parenting book. That's amazing what I have a stepson I got him when he was eight. He's He's twenty one now. He's a senior in college and we pointed out where the condoms were form so there was a door with condoms. Anyway I think he was in. I was eighth grade son. You're going to want to go into your dad's nightstand drawer. Not your mom. This one's GonNa keep you from getting started we. We hit them around eighth grade. which is what thirteen? I've had the talk with my. My parents never did never did my friend when I was younger. She my best friend at the time told me and I'm like you lie. You know maybe one. I'm GonNa tell this really quick. My sister says to her husband she says. Hey you know your your son time. They have to talk with him and he says are a and he goes in this. He calls his son into the room. He goes hey got here on your balls yet. My sister's like art you're done don and that was it and there was there was less than what the best smart. This is. My brother in law. He's hilarious he this guy want to one up. She'll never ask me exactly doesn't matter what the topic is. Yeah Yeah so Jeremy now my parents never had a talk with me. does more of a thing. The cousins would pass down throughout the years. But I did have my uncle bill. One time when I was probably order teenager. He made a mention it. I'll never get he told me to never put brick where I wouldn't put my mouth uh-huh though tonight put your mouth on I'll l.. Never Mike Okay. I'm just putting it out there that this is why our group chat is Hashtag but stuff that is correct. Because Stephanie is if there's a lot more set says what I had people like Lena over my shoulder when I opened up a tax and they're like what is this like nothing. Don't look at my business. You have to read it just the title tone. Just turn around and walk away. Walk away okay. So I think the environment of this podcast guests right But I am going to take it to a serious note with this week's news because I feel like we cannot go without recording about Kobe. He'll be Bryant and all the lives that have been lost this week. And it's going to be serious areas but super-quick. I'm not a basketball fan. I never followed Kobe Bryant. But as much as it's been in in the media and everything it does want me to remind all of our listeners. Everybody at this table tonight. Grab your loved ones never or leave without saying I love you. Never go to bed angry because for some reason this has totally the home. A lot of well it was just such a down to earth great guy. He talks so great about his daughter. So I think that's Kinda worry Kinda Kinda hits home a little bit and like I said. I don't know much about Kobe. Bryant and I don't WanNa see all right we're not going to talk about until Nah I and I'm not going to do that. I'm going to say that it's been hard for a lot of people because they feel bad that he's passed but everybody's kind of glossing lawsuit over some of his history because he passed it is very happy to everybody. It's tragic. I feel terrible for the family and in any loss of life is bad it can virtually from it could be any victims of anything correct. So that's all I. I wanted to say absolutely one hundred ten percent and that's why I don't care. Epcot far far. Better than I was GONNA. It's a beautiful. The only thing that I wanted to get across is that It does make you think. Oh yeah you never know when the last goodbye is the last seal later is and it was a reality that hit me again. You know and it's just a reminder and I want everybody just to make sure you tell your loved ones you love him getting a lift. It's funny how bad at the Dole hop in a helicopter when the police and sheriff's department have grounded their own planes because the weather sucks. There's rate right so I love all you bitches while we love Youtube Ashley Okay. That was my auditory. pull up tiffany right now. Quick shout out so the guys at the gas station by my house. If you have anyone's ever in south gate on Allen Road there's there those guys are awesome anyway. They really stopping me today. And they're like okay. How do I listen to your show? Live and I'm showing them how to download you guys zapped for podcast against Detroit now this so we're going through all this and we're talking and everything so I don't know if they were just humoring me like they're like. Oh yeah there's drunk proud with podcast or not but if anyone's ever driving down that way stopping to give those guys a hard time for me. I totally forgot. Oh my God when we were talking about our weeks I had the strangest damn thing happen. why Saturday and I so I have new glasses? And he noticed the first thing I did when you walked up I noticed biting my say. Here's why I could not replicate advocate this in a million years if I f. ing tried so I went to the bathroom and you know and so there was only. There's only only at let me get a Germany is like I love. You know we don't know about your it put a urinal it's a toilet and so I- P And then I bend over to flush the toilet. My glasses fall off my face. Ace hit the water. Fold perfectly and go down the drain. And they're gone after you flush so shing and they're gone on one like there's I I couldn't do that again with a gun to my head now. There's an alligator who's able to do the crossword. Yes Oh my Jimmy. Who Have I told you lately that I love you that's hilarious? They happened to me once but they didn't actually go down the drain. I was at some some really sketchy bowling alley and I had flush the toilet in my glasses had fallen off my face into the toilet and and it was a flushed already. They didn't go down but all I remember was seeing thinking to myself because I have a fear of public restrooms. How am I going to get my glasses out of this toilet a Mike last my my dump more though I can't see without on my word trifocals until the next morning to drive home? Wait till the the sun came up so I could throw my sunglasses on right so so anyway so I met this at this. This CD frigging bowling alley. The steering and my glasses lasts in the toilet. Gwen where am I going to do. So my dumb ass. I seriously wrapped my hand and toilet paper like they're actually swear to God I did. I've my guess is just go ahead with that. That was somehow that's going to be back. Could be worse diseased sticky. This is it was it was horrible. It made it worse because then I have like wet nasty toilet paper glasses and my aunt so I think for a good half an hour you you for like a half an hour and everything else. I scrubbed my glasses. My hands everything I finally feel like I can actually walk out of the bathroom and and my friends like Oh my God. Are you okay in there forever. Now Lake Superior State. I always propagated dues because I was in the bathroom for I kid. You not have been a half an hour if not amazing so yeah. That's that's That's happening this weekend. Is this coming weekend which I just realized. Yeah it's Super Bowl Sport Ball so let me you tell you Jay commercials. Yes even talk lately like the last few years I watch the commercials. They cancelled a few commercials because Kobe. Toby Bryant well. I'm GonNa Watch the puppy bowl right now. which is my dog? Sit here. T- guys is is. Am I the only one who is ignorant about super bowl and I really care less now. Do you guys even know who's playing until our show. Monday night I had no idea who's playing. I was not known until ten thirty this morning. Okay but here's a but then they reminded lake. So here's how I did know Joe. Montana actually did a really funny post host and he was like. Hey guess what. My team's GonNa win the Super Bowl and it was a photo of his Jersey's Dude Dude. I'm not a sports guy I know. Holy Shit he's one of those guys. So Joe Montana was like he was the quarterback of like the eighties into the ninety s and he wound up plant. He played for the like the quarterback for the forty niners. So he's got like a ton of home video got traded scene pointers. All the points So he plays a four hundred dollar that he played for the Kansas City chiefs to two teams in the Super Bowl. And that's why it was funny. Oh don't do that so that because that would have been ha ha funny or hey this smells funny funny it just leave me alone. I'll do my thing. How the ha ha Haim eyeballs? Oh I am I am going to tune in for the Jennifer Lopez in here. Because there's only one thing I know about this weekend. I can't drink because you have that stray ever prestige in writing or Monday so I can't drink and But you know what you can do right now. What we're playing trivia okay? I came the random trivia game. And I'm so excited we say maybe. Wow because I've super cheerleader. I heard it is so okay valley girl talk. Okay okay so I said Molester or sorry sputtering tendency to talk like a valley girl. He gave me a favor. Will you go downstairs and get a glass of bubbly wine okay. So deep does sad. Because he's going to partake in this. Let's do another drunken confession. Wine is this champagne no no is she actually wind that comes from champagne France bubbly wine wallet. Bubbly bubbles to partake in the the Randomly a little bit. Yeah this regular y Fan. She should uh some good. That's Chet at of Harry so actually suing that. Let's do a drunken Russian. Okay let's Stephanie. Yes when was the last time you told a lie. Tell like little tiny white ones all you so you don't have to go into the lie just yesterday last time you and what was the lie. Well I'm not. I'm not saying that none of you. So you're fine. Good tell us we hold back for her slow where we asked me to lie. I told a tiny white. Lie this this weekend are all that was like more than seventy two hours ago. Well Yeah I mean. It was like Friday that I did it. All right quite still feel guilty. I don't like like doing it right. Sometimes you gotTa do what you gotTa do. I'm sparing people's feelings here. This is not to be a Dick. It's despair other people that's all it is the Jamie. When's the last time you told a lie? I I go back to. I teach high school so as part of the job I I was GONNA say. Teachers are the big bullies and the biggest liars and Algebra. All your life kids. That's about it I just I go and they'll call me on stuff ago. Yeah Yeah it's pretty much a lot. I go but you still need to do it right. I forget what it was but the last two days I I just I yeah. I told them the consequences which I'll never follow through on sounded. Good at the Taft Eh. If you stick that way I used to be a TA. So I often had to take care of my class on my own or like the Assad when my teacher is out also Yeah you as a teacher and it's so like I'm not trying to be addicted like this is my job and I'm something the circle is what you need to learn. This word of. You really need to. I know what a rise in Iran is totally you. You will learn that you took calculus. When was less have you told a lie? I don't know I'm Kinda like well people that can't handle the truth. I don't keep shit. That's surprising but I feel good. I took it back. Let somebody lied. You asked me was that you know that was the dog. God it was part just in case you wonder call well him out. I'm like I feel like you're just trying to cover this shit up the last time you lied to be cast. You're up all right work and when I tell customers all right you know I'm GonNa make this exception just for you never hours ago though. was that the time is it. It was basically like three hours. Yeah five India Yeah no I I tell people I'm in I do you know what if if somebody ever says that to you. By the way their shit they make the exception for everybody. You're not fucking special because get over yourself as right. Yeah we do say it because you know what People WanNa Wannabe special. They WANNA feel special. So we flip them and smell net fluff only. That's what you work at. I'm I'm a fluffer honey. We go that extra money so the last Ashli I told was less than eight hours ago when I announced to the Co.. All of my co workers. I don't give a flying fuck anymore. Yeah Yeah and you give mine. Just leave me out of it and all that other stuff I thought you give I give a hundred. And Ten Percent Flying Clarkson Folkston it's killing you're pretending to you and I like that about you. Know it's it's making our making strides honey. You make taking take it right Yeah all right. I Know Trivia Trivia questions. I'm sure hi. This is the first time cast has ever been able to answer trivia. I usually do the trip because she initially asked Trivia. Do not tonight folks. I'M NOT GONNA look smart when he asked the questions. You always look like genius. Of course the teacher and having the answer key there Dave Guy in the room. Oh yeah this guy in the room you'd better get hundred percent of course not so much he doesn't tonight. What was it like my luck? I'M GONNA WANNA Bungee like when I get a jeopardy. It's going to be like ancient Chinese algebraic equations as one of the topics shit. Dave doesn't know that'd be the other guy and what mixes well with Red Bull. I got this one so I came up with It's called random random trivia. Can I get pre for one hundred pot. It'll bum covering the media the rapist uh-huh that's therapists. All right. Thank you fucking tra- back feeling. That's not what your mother US said. Last night quarterback aside a kid goes Amos. Flanagan derive a Harley. And I'm like no go wait. Is your mother name Hurley. No no I didn't but I did ask that question bastiat through my head and I'm like I don't know I don't think I don't think that's going to play on their it all right. SORRY RANDOM TRIVIA YES random trivia. Let's do it Since I'm I'm reading the Question Stephanie Goes I go second I am sorry I get to go for all right groceries. Which Sea Creature has three hearts sea creature yet so like not fish we can be anything which sea creature has three hearts arts anything that lives in the sea under the Sea Darlan? It's better yeah I guess and go with a whale. Okay I'm going with the poos okay. Sea Cucumber Number Mermaid that Kinda cucumber Real manatee it instead with mermaids are from I am going with the starfish okay and the only one who got that right was div with the octopus. ooh That was my first pick but I thought it was too simple and it'd be and so i. Hi when we wake up that as well or no it's just surplus. Who Sat in the corner eating Christmas Pie? Stephanie who are playing the song through my head give me a second. Let's hear being number one Kesse fair-play no is for play. Bit Your doubt. I know this one in the corner eating a Christmas here. No what am I keep thinking a little bit. That's okay it. No it's it's not it though but that's the shoot close True Bang. Sorry No. She Sat Adam her top. Okay I need to. I need the Jack Okay it would be little Jack. Horner Okay Georgie. Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating Christmas Pie. He's stuck in his Klum and said what a good boy am. I I have points for like seeing the whole thing. No no you guys. I'm going home. It's a little Jack Horner corner so wasn't as a little brother. George yes it sure that everybody gets a point but Jeremy Am I wrong Jimmy then get had it where you thought you were just totally agree your ass Jamie. Sorry she was trying to give you one of those points can okay. Yeah what is the Italian word for Pie Steffi. I should know this actually actually. I shouldn't showed that I was never taught it because my grandmother taught me a lot of other weird things to say in Italian such a brutal pie pizza wow. It's the pie I like Jamie told you that I I know she was three point one to what for. That's the language now mess. Yeah you know what. I'm making the Trivia questions next just. I'm throwing that out. It was going to say pizza. And David Cass. Got It with pizza. Hey my uncles always laughed at. Pizza Pie was redundant okay. I'm Italian well until I get my twenty three million guys this wine when I read the question I had no flippin idea but when I read the answer I I was like Oh my God. WHO's saying about being an egg man and a woman Walrus coo-ca-choo Yeah but specifically John Lennon Fair enough I go the Beatles John Lennon I am the egg man. I'm I'm GonNa give but also you guys because the Beatles John Lennon Count says the Beatles include guys ring Ding Ding Ding Do. That's one of the songs actually no by the Beatles. Kuku Kuku here's Busta all right. What Dang that was delayed? Sorry that's all right. I have a cake an table named after I m used all around in the world what am I I end table so this is a riddle me this sade again again. I have a cake entity entity named after me gotta sort of like you said. I have a kink and a table. I have a cake and table named after me. I used all around the world. What am I A map map. I I have no idea idea so I'm throwing something out there. That's fine I have no idea either but at least I go last week sometime. I layer are you had an earlier mermaid. Coffee Coffee Coffee. I aw baby can I commit. Change me sort of coffee coffee. I said coffee originally I can add it because we went over this last night. And you know I just came up with this completely on my coffee What there are some bonuses to last us to go first boo boo? I know that was a slave burke backwards. Oh there you go. We're going back in question. That was the fifth question. Six question is going on. I'm sorry you mean what was there to get judicial system She's Natalie visual system. We're going backwards. I think does she meant she's saying it backwards. Awesome Fair like cast has no room to talk. She trips over whereas meeting Lou. Here because Take Care Amy Amy I. I'm called thick when close to the ground but people smile when I'm high what am I. I don't like riddles. By the way Bitcoin it could double see thick thick thick thick when close to the ground but people smile. When I'm high? What am I take one close to the ground? Oh we the song. Sorry what am I got it deal. See she's less one. Because I had time to no pressure I know I need time to think because because my brain doesn't work as fast as old okay give me a fucking break. Think wow stuff yeah the answer. That's what I got when I didn't know I need an answer. Well maybe I should but you should like have like Lo why because I'm old. I'm your senior respectively. Respect me respect the answer to the ground fog. Cloud can I was GonNa say fog or cloud cloud cloud cloud well. What is close to the ground though isn't isn't it? It's called still cloud fog of a pie but it's now it's almo- it's now housing. I mean not necessarily you guys running. Why didn't they more clouds? I don't smell it. Cloud ready for one more. Sure yes. We're ready all right right. This is what was the first planet to be discovered using telescope in seventeen eighty one uranus. No I'm joking I just I just want to say it. I am going to go with Venus. Jupiter Mars Mars cash you suckers it was your in your ooh Gaze. Never GonNa get discovered how your husband's Chagrin how the Morning Star which is what Amar's though Venus was a Venus or Mars the Morning Star often with the moon. We're GONNA WE'RE GONNA do two more. We're GONNA do two more Stephanie Trivia. Don't understand your shreeves down there. How does how many squares are there on a senior chessboard? Give me a second. Don't Google it no lock over the counting. Be Hot with my fingers. uh-huh over twenty. I have over twenty. Otherwise it's illegal. Oh that's eighteen. Sorry Twenty Goethe captured off. What twenty? She's gotTa take your shirt off. Sorry not very accurate. twenty-three good you're hilarious because right chessboard. All right so I have UTAH. Ofek eight no longer take more time. We'll figure this out. Let me figure it out eight times onto. I love your car her three. This is the podcast eight one four times twenty four to thirty two okay. Forty eight sixty four. It's Jamie thirty six sixty four and Jeremy and Stephanie Right Baz Asu Alumni counting. You're like I'll just answer the answer. I was Kinda come over here. Let me ask you as a question right on. You guys know this Simpson's better or the city of Detroit better since Simpson's which questions you want Simpson Third or Detroit. I get like Simpsons's all right. It is yeah Who is homer? Simpson's brother I got. I got anybody I think the first person to come up with the answer. Shout out mark. Oh aw well technically from Hubert. I WANNA say like rhymed with homer. I thought it was our vodka son. Needs this little tiny any sword. Yeah yeah all right. I'm going with Harry against her and insults homer. Harry Harry son you said Harry I said Harry. Oh would you see Mars Hubert. Okay Hank all right And Jeremy said Account I am totally point to Jamie because it is herb. Total this up and Stephanie. Ethnic Jamie tied to cast three way AIRBA. Oh all right saw Random Junkie Confessions. I came up with a lot more but see tuned and more later we're going to more. We have time for one more drunken confession confession before the night. Sure yes so possibly what. I don't know up here Dave's coming back with talking about him. Well he wasn't here for a couple of gas should. So how did your mother. She's dead the Russian homer Simpson's brothers name No all right. I know it was one of the questions here. This wealth of knowledge in Miami. Mary of this. This is a perfect drunken confession for the timeframe. Where are y'all say y'all yell out? The first word did that comes to your mind right now. Casco Fitch Fuck Boettger son of a bitch. The fuck is like the first word that comes to mind. It's like twelve. You say the fact that it knows yours son of the fun of Oh the first word though so so this is the first i. I'm sorry they just all spills. She was talking about Tobias. My nephew my little few toe by toe. Oh bios when you call him so by God all Right Ladies and gentlemen. I think it's time to wrap this bitch up now. Sorry just alle I Apologize I came up with the cheers for tonight. I'm fifty percent sure that I might have said at this one before so go do it but at the end of the week I still feel like this so I feel like it's appropriate. So thank you guys all for joining US tonight. Thank you Jamie thanks and you have your a your own. Yeah couple of podcast man cave. Happy Hour thank you dot com and the Animal Talk Radio Animal Talk. RADIO DOT COM Same thing socials. Yes what do you talk about on animal. Talk Dog trainer. I Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah so then and then I just I say ridiculous crap so But yeah so that's fun. So you're not series packets like we are. Oh no we we have very silly and then the man cave happy hour is only whiskey. No it's a podcast for everybody. Whiskey scars spirits. The stories that go along with Monica Lewinsky's a huge fan of that podcast. Ah I am I am now from podcast that I've I've listened to in this past week. I am a huge Monica Lewinsky Fan. I can tell you that. Omah gladly to monitor the Dan. Thank you for joining us. Thank you Jane. Hopefully you'll be back. Yes they can find your podcast on. What Network all the puck esoteric right now work? Absolutely all right. That's where the best podcast come with. Clearly all right so thank you. Everybody starts access pilots. It ever did like yeah whatever joy yes tonight and I'm gonNA leave you with. This are the end of the night years. Go for court. Raise your glasses to may the best of your past. Be The worst of your future. Oh sludge here's love. I love you guys. Thanks for tuning in. I love all you bitches at this little. Everybody thinks again for listening to our show tonight. If you want more information you can find it at facebook dot com slash drunk and confessions.

Stephanie Jamie Jeremy Jeremy Kobe Bryant facebook Jack Dave youtube Google Stephanie Dave Dole US Mike Okay Harry Harry Simpson Detroit Amy Amy I. Adam amy I
Casablanca

Unspooled

1:57:21 hr | 7 months ago

Casablanca

"Right now an ear Wolf Samantha B talks with the best and brightest people about how to navigate this the worst year of our lives on her new podcast full release with Samantha be available now. For more follow at Your Wolf on Social Media Happy Listening. We are to co-host, and this is a great ad for people who do things together. Because today's episode is brought to you by spotify premium, spotify premium duo, get all the benefits of your own premium account times to add free music with unlimited skips plus the ability to listen on demand off line. With two people, that's right. You get to accounts no account disruptions. That is amazing you know premium do is available, just twelve ninety nine a month in the US. That's for two people know we. We aren't qualified. Because two people who live at the same address last, but if you WANNA move into my apartment. We can save some money all right. Why not I mean? I'm ready to go back to it. Let's do it. Can you take into kids? Know Off The rest of you get you premium. Do with the person you adore twelve ninety nine a month, terms and conditions apply. This episode of unspoiled is brought to you by our friends at apartments, dot, com and apartments dot com. They know better than anybody that your apartment is your thing divide castle especially right now so if you're looking around your castle ending, and you can be a little bit more castle. You can be a little bit more saying divide. They are here to help because right now on apartments dot com. They have virtual tours, so it is easy to find a new place without leaving your place. Place, you can virtually view floor plans. You can view a minute as you can take three detours, and you can explore hd videos and photos including Interior neighborhood images even drone footage of exterior views drone footage all from the comfort of your couch. Take a tour that stay inside. It's amazing it. Is that easy so right now. Here's what you can do. You can visit apartments dot com and get into a new rental today. APARTMENTS DOT COM, the most popular place to find a place. The year is nineteen forty two. Of all the podcasts and all the towns in all the world you listen to ours, the movie Casa Bunk. Hey, everybody, welcome to. Build I Paul Scheer I'm Nicholson and this is the podcast where for the last ninety nine episodes. We have watched one film from the. Top One hundred greatest films of all time list the two thousand seven edition to see if they are really as good as people say, do they hold up? And how have they influenced the films that we watch now today we'll be talking about Casa Blanca, but before we get into that, we're GonNa talk a little bit about last week's film, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid now. This is officially our last episode of. OF SEASON ONE WE'RE GONNA be branching off into season two, but before we do that we wanna make sure that you tune in next week for a big recap episode. We're going to be breaking down the list what we thought about it. It's going to be a big celebration of the AFI list as we prepare to move on, but we'll tell you more about that at the end of the episode. Episode Amy. What do people think about Butch Cassidy and Sundance? Kid I mean does belong on. The list should be kicked off well. People like butch, cassidy and the Sundance can I got a lovely for my aunt and uncle, who really love Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but a lot of people said you know sure, but I think it needs to stack up against the sting, said like the preferred movie from. From this team by by a large margin of people, and so I think that is a one more entry point into everything. We're going to be doing in season two, which is going big with it and also granular with what are the stuff that we have on this list that we like what can, we may be replaced with something slightly better a conversation. We're having all the way back since swing time. Well I think a lot of people also really connected with our discussion about how Butch Cassidy and Sundance kid represented the end of an era right this idea that new things are coming technology whatever it might be like the death of the old of the old western, even and so I felt like we got a lot of props for having that reading as many people also had that same reading for me I think the choice is really the sting or slapshot. What would you put on the list? I mean Hanson Brothers or Jackie gleason your choice. Well you that my heart is with Ben. O'Connor, who wrote in listen if we are going to do a William Goldman, film there so many Westerns, if we want to film that really plays around with tropes, and that's something to say about the clash of romantic and modern sensibilities. That movie is the Princess Bride. I just saw that movie. It was so good had all those different actors playing all those different roles? Yes, that's what a movie usually is. Right. By the way KIP Mooney agreed with me that stop shot should be on the if my list. I don't really know if I believe that, but I do like sap shot. This is actually really interesting. We've had some very famous twitter. Followers and one of the famous ones is the five twenty bridge. It's a bridge who has a personality and that bridge said that they really enjoyed butch cassidy and the Sundance Kid couldn't listen through the bridge over the river, Kwai just kind of hit too close to home. Because obviously, there's a little bit a bridge destruction there there is I wonder how the five twenty bridge feels about A little movie called the General Another Bridge blowing up movie. Are we just so violent to bridges? It does Jeff Bridges know about this. Should we do the bitches advantage county for the second season five twenty four. Don't spoil what our second season's going to be. Only Bridge Movies bridge over tear with a man. ooh! And then let's finally get into our last coming from Marina Carlson She. Writes I really loved the cinematography and I never thought I'd say this. But the editing I saw a lot of very modern cuts in this film and I was surprised to see a movie from nineteen sixty nine We saw the fun biking montage. For example, the modern song which feels like a template that's been us over and over again. Even something like twenty one jump street the one thing I need to talk about for at least three hours is the fact that are three leads are a straight up up. I've got some major homoerotic vibes coming from this movie and I got the feeling that This was a one thousand percent three couple. What do you think amy was it a couple? I don't know about that, but I think the movie does establish that. Maybe there's nothing wrong. If one person can't satisfy all of your needs, what if you need one person? The laugh with and one person to make you undress incredibly nervous. Absolutely. Well you know what I I do think there was something really interesting about that relationship and looking at it as a thrall. It kind of works. I feel that there is you know they? Both men loved her and she traveled with them and. You know I don't know maybe if they made it now, there would have been a throw in here. You may be couldn't broach that nine hundred sixty nine. Or maybe what really matters is that. There's just a lot of love in the world, and if you're only gonNA live a short life before you get machine gun to death, a south of the border, you may as well love as many people as possible in whatever way that is. Well Amy. Talking about you know the the shortness of life for the fleeting this of of love. It's about time for a start talking about Casa Blanca. And we gave you an interesting task last week we said do Casablanca lines in a different voice than eh traditional Humphrey bogart voice know that that's probably the Go-to, but let's listen to this odd mash that we made you do. Round up the. Usual suspects. Again Sam. Then you! Die. Yeah I mean now, but they were always have Paris. But I've got a job to do to. Where I'm going, you can't follow. How? Shocked shocked to find that gambling is going on in here. I'm no good at Novo. Take much to see the problems of some people tons amount. Teams in this crazy well. Maybe, not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life of all joints in all the towns and all the world. She walks into mine. Agree and this year. Apparently you're the only one in. Less scruples in me. Can't make kids me for the last time. No I they basis that beginning of a beautiful friendship. Well? We'll always have Paris dog gone it. We didn't have lost until you came to Casablanca. Got Back last night. Not Now now here. Here's looking at you, kid. I think there was a walk in there I'm not sure if that was Canadian or walk. I think what really a warms my heart and makes me feel like there is endless amounts of love. Is this podcast and all of our listeners and our absolute love for Jimmy Stewart the king. The for all the reasons so named may He rain. I agree one hundred percent Amy Before we get into today's final film. Just remind you can pick up our poster at pod. Swag designed the amazing Scott Campbell. It looks beautiful, and now hopefully you've checked off the boxes on that poster It's been a wild journey and here we go for our last film, Amy, would you like to do the honors of saying what I like to say at the end of every? I act here. Oh Gosh. If I could only do this Jimmy Stewart, I'll just do it like me. That's. Yes! Around up the usual suspects, it's nineteen forty. Two in the United States joins the war making officially a World War. The second one war bonds are introduced raising thirteen billion dollars Disney's fifth animated feature Bambi Premiers. Its original release actually loses money. The women's coastguard. Established wherein stepping in for men at their jobs, so they could go to war. We'll get equal salary, status and benefits the US conduct an air raid on Tokyo Johnson and Johnson developed a tape so good at ceiling water ran off at like a duck. Hence they called it duct tape. Hot Movies include Yankee doodle Dandy. Bambi and today's topic Casa. Blanca it comes in at number three on the. Top One hundred list in two thousand seven down from its number, two position on the nineteen ninety seven list. Let's take a listen to this classic. Wonder if it's tallish. What you fighting for! You might as well question might be breathed. Stop breathing dying, who still fighting enemies to world whatever it? It'll be out of misery. You know I'll miss you blame. Man was trying to convince himself of something. He doesn't believe in his heart. Each of us has a destiny. Good of what you will. Get the point. I wonder if you do. Wonder if you noted you're trying to escape from yourself. You'll never succeed. is in the know all about my destiny. would be more about you new suspect. Amy. Casablanca. WHO's in it? What's it about? Well I'm happy to tell you, but before I do that I. WanNa shake this French seventy five, because this is our last Fu and it's breaking my heart, and they drink seventy five in Casablanca, and if you at home with the drink, a friend, seventy five to what champagne you got your simple syrup, you got your. You got your lemon and you've got your limit appeal all right. If you don't WanNa, hear me shake this covers. Oh, it's very quiet. Oh, amy my ears, are you? Shaking a real Martini and everything I sound a real shaker. Shaker I was fancy all right I'm going to. And as I will tell you that this is the epic. Wonderful studio room is kind of defined the best of what the studio system could do. We have big bosses and actors fighting with the directors and everybody being. Let's make the best film possible. This is just job here. We are doing a good job. And the people doing a good job, you have a director. We've had around a low Michael Curtis. He is our director. You have a really strong producer at the helm. This is another one of those like nineteen forties. The producer is a really big creative boss, the boss here being how the Wallace, and of course in the guest you've got none other than Humphrey Bogart, breaking out of his tough gangster image to play. Rick! Blaine Aman who operates a bar, called Rick's in Casablanca, which has become a real hotbed of international intrigue is coming in and out of Casa Blanca to figure out where they need to go during the war and how to stay safe and some of the people. People in his bar include his ex girlfriend. Ingrid Bergman as The Swedish Woman Elsa Lund her husband Paul Henri as Victor Laszlo and the local cop called rains as captain, or no, and of course titled People that I Adore Very much like Peter Laurie Mugabe and Sydney Greenstreet as senior Ferrari. So we're having a way a Maltese Falcon reunion happening in this movie right this kind of a spiritual sequel. If you will to Maltese Falcon like it brings together all these characters once again to recreate this magic, even though I think the popular opinion at the time was maybe this wouldn't work I. Don't think that people thought that this movie was going to be as big as it was. No. They thought it was GONNA be fine. They thought it was going to be good. You know back in the city of system. They had what they called a pictures and be pictures. It's not too different from what we have today. You know sort of mutated over the years into. The and on demand. Video store yeah. You have your pictures. You know movies with Gerard, Butler fighting hurricanes or driving a big rig, and then you have your be pictures, which is like Adam driver feeling emotion. Yeah, I get it. Yes, you definitely get it. You absolutely get. We've done one hundred movies, and you get it so finely I got it. Got It. Causes. Bunker was never considered a be pictures considered an a pictures like are good people here we got. We got Humphrey Bogart. He is a huge star Ingrid. Bergman was suddenly this new sensation. No, she shows up in Hollywood from European films and she just had a different look. You know at the time like women in Hollywood had more of shellacked heavy makeup, dark lipstick. Big eyebrows don't Crawford look to be honest. They had Joan Crawford look and she comes in like this breath of. European fresh air is people saw her. You know her hair. Wasn't that done her makeup wasn't that heavy, so she was exciting. She was like ooh. Who's that kind of person? Will talking about this European flair? This whole entire film is filled with these amazing background performers. All these people have small parts one of the first people that we meet in the. The film who runs from the police when they want to check his papers, you know is an established actor who came to the states. Everyone kind of fleeing Germany at the time. So you have all these amazing actors that are taking much smaller parts because they are trying to make their way in America, so I think that's why this film also looks. Authentic, it doesn't look like the back lot of a Hollywood picture. Even though it was shot there, it did have different faces all around. It was completely the back lot of a Hollywood picture. You're right. I mean watching this film. What really caught my eyes? Straightaway when it began is our first entrance into rick's bar. Because you are hearing just this multitude of voices from all over the world, and they've all got schemes, and they've all got plans, and you just have this. I think a melting pot that I find really unusual even on this list I don't think we've had a melting pot. We have in this film. People representing I think they said onset. They had maybe twenty two nationalities working like on-scene. Office at and you hear a little bit of that. Right here in this clip. Can't make it just a little. Shoring number diamonds Arganda different, but he sells diamonds diamonds everywhere, two thousand, four hundred. Online. Waiting, Fished. Is deficient snacks and the. Leaves at one tomorrow night here from the end. Elim Edina. Juice thank you and bring the fifteen thousand francs and cash remember in Canc. designed. Tell. Sure I think another element that makes us movie. Really fascinating is that it was based on a play that took place. You know, Four. World War Two is really starting, and then this movie comes out at a time and it's happening at a time. We're intentions are much higher, so it's an interesting juxtaposition of the characters are and where the people who actually experienced this. Are you know it's like it's the beginning and when this comes out it's it's getting to be a very like a fevered pitch. No you're exactly right. I think what never hit me until the Casa Blanca is how much we're watching a refugee story. It's very much a refugee story and I feel like you change a couple of the details, and this is happening today as happened in the opposite direction, people from Africa trying to make it to safety in Europe, trying to get into to find asylum and shelter. That's how it was I think before covert in the whole world got down here on this border in this idea of refugees. Being stuck it I was I was really struck in this watch you know. 'cause I appreciate following the news about people trying to sail across the sea to get to Europe to try to find safety there from North Africa. In just thinking like I want I want a movie with the humidity of Casablanca to tell this story today you know. Yeah I think would also struck me in watching this film and I wanNA. Tell you something about watching this film in a second but. was how much of a melting pot it was talked about at the beginning, but Very few films on the list feel as international as this you know it feels very much like oftentimes in American INA foreign place against a foreign culture where here? Every character felt integrated even Sydney greenstreet character. His original idea was that he wanted to be so into the culture of the of the town the city that he wanted to dress in traditional garb, but this movie studio wanted him to dress in all white, so you the instincts? To really show that this is a bustling town there. This isn't an American story. You're right. This is a refugee story and. I think I was DESTRUC- by that difference in all the films that we've seen. You know that this is really an international film. You're right like in this movie. It feels like America is just another place on the map? Hito in way that it hasn't felt we've had other movies before that. Take place on the opposite ends of the world. You know our Vietnam movie is African Queen, but this is the wine where am least? This is well. There's no place like home and the wizard of Oz here here. It's more like Rick. Blaine is like do not send me hope I do not WanNa. Go home for reasons I cannot tell you I actually found a clip of the playwright talking about his inspiration, this came from a tricky took where he was in a hotel lobby and looked around at the world. We arrived in Vienna night and this frightened woman medicine. And she said you know there's only one hotel you go to Indiana. And I said what do you mean and she said well? We've booked into the Hotel de France. That's the only hotel takes dues. So I said okay. And then in the hotel Franz. People sat around in the lobby. Reading letters from somewhere and crying. Was the most depressing horrible situation that I've ever been in in my life. Now you might ask we'll. Doing that. I wasn't starting an underground railroad. The idea what these people are going to leave hopefully sometime. They were going to get out that we're going to use the refugee trail. As I stated in the play, but they needed money. And they weren't allowed to take money out of Austria or Germany or Italy, it might just be my mood, but as a person who loves to travel in can't travel. This movie tore my stomach into guts. Really, I got the hunger. I was thinking about you today because they opened up both Disneyland resorts and I was like Oh amy I. Know wouldn't give to be at those. Disneyland, places the first day open the first day back to be walking around Epcot. Just taking in all the sites This is what I wanted to reveal to me. I haven't had a moment to really to tell you this yet. But this is our hundred film. and. This is the first time I've seen CASA. Blanca. Never have seen this movie I have seen moments of it. But never from start to finish, I thought I might have, but then I realized I was watching is I never saw this movie i? You know I know the plate again. Sam Moment I. Know The I know how it ended. which is kind of a bummer in watching it because? I saw I've seen that again. tip my hat to Walt Disneyworld. The great movie ride at Mgm Studios and they have that whole recreation that scene but I see from start to finish, and it is the second film on this list. That after I watched it. I immediately started to re-watch it citizen Kane and this. I, just kind of was captured fully by them and immediately went to. Watch it I I very rarely do that especially because I watch movies so late at night. That to go back. I didn't go to sleep until three in the morning last night, because I kind of watched back to back, I watched half of it with Rodrigues commentary on it, too, which is great, but Yeah I absolutely love this movie and blown away by so many thoughts on it, but I wanted you to know that this is a I am a Casa Blanca Virgin. Will you were now? You've been around the block a couple of times the. I love those are the two movies because I was thinking about. This is in gain to as we were getting ready to record I was thinking. These are two of the best movies on this list, and they couldn't be more different even though they're made from around the same time period. You know I I, think of one. As a tourist vision, you know I'm GonNa make my thing. I'M GONNA. Do it here I. Am I'm GonNa, Start, this is my movie. You're giving me a green light to do it I'm GonNa. Take this green light. Even if I make some enemies, we'll see what happens along the way. And then there's this one that is like we're hired to do. This is just a job. We're going to show up. We're going to do fine. It's an ensemble piece. It's really like a studio made manufacturing stamp and it it. It shows that you think there's this great divide between like. Are you a tourist person? Do you like these movies made by these Weirdo masterpieces who are like I'm a crazy person and maybe I'm impossible to get along with, but here I am, or do you believe the collaboration? Make stuff better and I toggle back and forth between them incessantly. I think there's something amazing in the fact that these are two of the top three movies on the list and they just. Are the exemplars of both of these styles of filmmaking I wanted more on Samba side to be honest because I think I just get so irradiated by a lot of the genius. I think they're exhausting. Are a lot of the people who think is often believe though that. An alternative just hides his helpers or her helpers away. And doesn't share the spotlight right because there are amazing people if you look at somebody like Stanley Kubrick. There were people that he worked with time and time again, because of the trust level, and and a belief in. They knew how to work together. And I believe. That that is. Even though there is a strong vision, there are people behind the scenes that are helping. Make these choices and If we're going to go on on the spectrum, he could have you know an Orson Welles and then you can. Maybe in the middle. I think it's a little bit like Scorsese who? Uses the same actors uses the same editor you know I. Think Speaks so fondly of the movie making process, but still makes very quintessential. Scorsese films feel like a Scorsese Film and then I think you have someone like Michael Curtis who? I was kind of blown away by that. We visited him before, but he's. A director whose name is not synonymous with being a great director in my in my mind in the sense of the Pantheon of directors, and yet he is responsible for this film that is iconic, but he is an example of a director who I think in many respects. Let's the actors and everything take focus that there's not crazy camera moves you talked about the first time we go into the club. That's really one of the few like moving shots and this film. You know every move is delivered. It doesn't feel like it's for show. and. Agree to really appreciate the way that he directed this film, but it's incredibly simple. Comparatively to a lot of the films that we've watched. Jewelry Setting. It would be like a a delicate jewelry setting that lets the Jamat, self shine I. Mean this is the same guy in this year made Yankee doodle Dandy unique hasn't Lunka any dandy in the same year. He I mean. He also made a film. I really love which is mildred pierce. He made the adventures of Robin. Hood which is another film that his beloved, especially my Buddy Brian Caguan if you're listening Hi Brian I mean, but you're right like he has just this list of heavy hitters. People don't think of them as Michael Curtis films. Which I wonder. I wonder if he was offended by. That are yeah, and I wonder like my instinct is be like poor, Michael Curtis, but also like what if that's the way of things? What if that's fine? I think there is something really interesting about this style director and I don't mean to. Disparage him at all, but I think there are certain directors who really. have no ego and recently. The director often think about when I think about this is someone like Michael Showalter who made the big sick? He made this great movie with Sally Field before that he. Isn't trying to show you like what I'm doing over here like he really lets the actors and the script. Come to life in a way that. I kind of find refreshing, you know because I think. So, everyone's trying to make their mark right, so you want to have that one or you WanNa. You WanNa. Show that you are worthy of something. I think it's a sign of a confident assured hand behind the camera that allows the work to be elevated and and other say that. Anybody who doesn't do that isn't a good director, but I'M I. I'm kind of always drawn to it because you don't often think of the directors and you think of these movies, but when you go, but the performances were great. Oh, it looked amazing. Oh the casting! That's all the director you know. The story came like the director has a hand in all of that, but I feel like when you don't feel the director you. You just assume that they were behind the camera going cutting action in that it, they had no other say, and and I think if you look at his body of work, you can see like he knew how to shoot. Multiple styles of things work with amazing actors. Get great performances out of them and you. Humphrey Bogart is a perfect example of this is. A very different role for Humphrey bogart that he was not used to at all, and and this kind of explodes him into a whole nother. Genre as a leading man. He ever think when they. When they pitched the idea of having. Humphrey Bogart Star in this movie. One of the things that Harry Warner said who was the head of the studios. He was like who the hell would ever WANNA kiss. Bogart shows like nobody wants to kiss bogart. Nobody wants to see Bogart in this role. Nobody wants to see Bogart as a romantic leading man, they really only thought of him as a stone, cold, evil killer, because that had been the majority of what he played I mean this is a guy who last year was kissing the woman at the end of he's going to be like. Have Fun into hatch P. C. A. Later, right? I think though that this character S- ponds. A. Type of character that we have grown to love in cinema and draw the cleanest line, not the first time that we see it, but this is our. Indiana Jones Czar Hans Solo. This. Man. Has All the trappings of a traditional tough man, but then has these. This emotional side this way that you can connect to them. I believe that Humphrey Bogart is on the run, and then he'd run this club and that he would pull a gun on someone, and that he would be able to graft and work this town because he. There's a level to him. That is a little bit scary right he can. He belongs in these places and going back to the Han. Solo thing like Han Solo belongs in that Cantina you know Mark Hamill as Skywalker does not and I feel like. You, know this movie at one point even though. It probably isn't true. They announced the movie to star Ronald Reagan. But then Ronald Reagan was called up the service, so he didn't do the film and there's A. There's a thought that he was never even really flea considered, but if you put them in like Ronald Reagan in this film, he would not have that Gravitas like you need someone who looks a little beaten down a little world, worn and I. Think it's a character that we search for to this day. We want that Kinda Grizzle but emotionally centered. Person I think that this is a this archetype was really set in place in by Hover. Boettger I mean. Do you think that or am I crazy for a drawing that comparison now I like that theory a lot. I mean it quick aside, really fast on the Ronald Reagan thing. Yeah does seem like. They just announced that he was going to be in this movie. Basically just to say, we're making this movie and here's a person who will be in this movie or or not, but this movie is coming the squadron it. We have the name Casablanca. This is our film. We're doing it. We're doing. We're doing British funny to imagine a world where what if? Ronald Reagan was in this movie. And what if it was still really good? Would he have been a bigger movie star and if he was a big movie star? Would he have just stayed in Hollywood and not run for Governor of California? Changed if. This movie and been good in it still. You Know Jeb Bush would be our president. That's what had happened. It would be. He would be the first Bush. President. No, but I know there are i. mean they're amazing. What ifs here? Yeah, but to your point because I. Think your point is really interesting. I mean I wonder a lot about this character like the kind of guy who is really good guy, but one admit it here for example when Renault is trying to accuse him of being a good person deep down being a sentimentalist gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping Laszlo escape because my dear Ricky I suspect that under that cynical show your heart sentimentalist. Laugh if you will, but I happen to be familiar with their record, it'd be point just two items. In one, thousand, nine, hundred, eighty five UN guns to Ethiopia. In one, thousand, nine, hundred, eighty six. You fought in Spain analyst side. I got well paid for it. On both occasions, the winning side would have paid you much better. Maybe. Well it seems that you're determined to keep Laszlo here. I have my orders. I see guest apple. spank idea, ricky, you over estimate the influence of the guest. I don't, interfere with them. They don't interfere with me. In Blanca, master of my fate I am. Sir. Hey was saying excuse me. I have to admit like. What. If this kind of person doesn't Really Exist? Have you met a person like this before? Like what if we all have as a culture have convinced ourselves that every tough guy is secretly really really sweet if we give him a chance, and what if this is the thing that has been dating for like every every person on Earth who falls on? I don't think. I don't think you're wrong. I think we always are looking to crack into that that Shell you know becomes an art type Oh. You gotTA. You GotTa know, but I think most people have humanity, right and I think that that's what people will say about even. The most evil of us. You know like you know that there is. there. They don't believe that they're evil, right? They don't believe that they lack humanity so very much, so like whoever? That person is picture. Whoever you think is awful. I'm sure they have interests I'm sure they go fishing or paint, or whatever that thing may be, and if you spend time with them, you big. Oh, that person isn't bad, but knowing nothing of their outside world, but if you just met them on one, you know. My tires. They catch a really big fast every Sunday. But you know I. I do believe that most people besides serial killers don't maybe even serial killers. Don't view themselves as bad people like right. They believe they're doing something right there. They're being just. They're giving voice to the voiceless. Whatever the whatever the situation might be know and. I was GONNA say. Singing about this comparison of the tough guy with the the inner Shell Clark Gable also one of the names that swirled around this role. To Me Humphrey Bogart Clark Gable are like Roger, Moore and Sean Connery Right. There is something about car gable. That's a little Hollywood. You know it's a little like not smarmy, but I think he's great, but there's There's a little bit of a Hollywood nece to him right like that. Maybe I don't know if I'M GONNA. Say Cheeky 'cause. I don't know if I would say car cables cheeky, but there's something about him. I would say jet. You can say well. I I think it's cheeky, but I think if you put Clark, Gable Heavy bogert here I believe that Humphrey Bogart could hold himself. Together in this in this town and in this bar, like whereas I feel like again Clark Gable's the movie version of that same way about Sean Connery and In early an all the James Bond is not the last one never say die right? That's the one that he out side of the Broccoli System the but the like that idea of toughness that extra edge to them which I I really. Kind of like some I'm thinking about that as well like who is the person that you believe can actually get into a bar fight right like that you know and and they were always chasing that and sometimes we put too many pretty boys in that role I also believe that you can do this on the on the female I think like Charlene Darren is an amazing example of someone who is like. Oh, she could kick your fucking ass like she can hold down with somebody, and then she's incredibly human too, and she's like you know it's, but it's. That's a rare Combo I think. I don't think Robert Downey. Junior is at and. Genius a great big movie star, but he's more in the the the Clark Gable side of it like. Yes, he's the guy, but I don't i. don't believe he's GonNa throw down. Now I don't know why there's just thought in my head, but I was like imagine if they had made a modern Casablanca. If this one had never existed it was like James. Gandolfini or something, because I'm realizing. Thing Romances where you believe she loves him for his personality to I. Mean The thing Clark Gable is. He's just Clark. Gable, you know he could slash your tires and go fishing whatever? It's Clark Gable. So it's fine is there's something in a man where you're like? Oh, no I. Really. I really specifically see what's special about you. Which is kind of a game? The Humphrey Bogart played on Ingrid Bergman during the whole. He was a little bit nervous about being this romantic. I wasn't who is supposed to be. And so one of his friends gave him this tip. They're like okay. Here's what you do in your scenes with her new standstill in you. Make her walk to you as much as you can't stand still and have her. Come to you to keep the scene going to keep the dialogue going because it will subconsciously tell the audience that you are irresistible. Irresistible there like? If You keep doing this? She might notice and get annoyed, but I guarantee you Michael Curtis notice and get annoyed and people will just absorb the idea that you have this magnetism well, but I guess it worked because the chemistry that they have is palpable, and the chemistry has with her with her husband Victor is is not there feels. At best fraternal. Everyone s stuff lying around their house that they don't use I. Mean I, know, I do, and when you have a cluttered house, the cluttered mind and wouldn't be great as you could get rid of some of that stuff. The Clippers your house and make some money on to. Wouldn't it be great? 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People love macari. Here's a funny thing that I have so many of my house. I should probably put them on mercury. I have birds statues. I don't think you know how many birds statues don't looking right now. At my at my Mandel, there's four different birds such as on their different sizes, AL's pigeons Maltese Falcon Wow all right. You can sell it there. I bet you can sell it right there. To a download. The APP give your stuff new life by one of Amy's bird statues and. We're no matter where you are. You can ship it all around the country so down Marquette to give yourself a new life. You can sell them by almost anything on Mercury, so you can find it on the APP store or on macari, dot com, that is m. e. r.. C. A. R. I. Mercury. America's no made up marketplace. Download it today. Today's podcast is brought to you by spotify premium. Amy I WANNA introduce you to spotify premium do it's designed for couples and duos residing under one roof? 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I mean still you know I also don't believe Madonna would be perfect for this role. Either I mean really breaking it down, but imagine that that remake the two of them. I can't picture at all. I thought you might say. Michael Shannon because I feel like Michael Shannon slide right into this and I would die like. Was In this movie, it would be my favorite movie of all time. Oh. I think there's a lot of I think there's a lot of men independent cinema that could. That could pull this off that you know they have that kind of. Tough Guy Tender Guy, thing I I'm trying to think of who could do the ill Sorolla I. don't mind just went the Scar Joe, but maybe that's because there's a similarity in their faces a little bit but I wonder if you're the first person I thought it was Google bothell raw. For some reason, she has that same real good heartedness that I think Bergman has in this. That's GonNa Purity of spirit, and you can imagine two men. Almost, wrecking the destruction of the Third Reich to win her heart. You know speaking about different castings and stuff Ito obviously rick's right hand man. The person has been with him and an Elsa. This entire time has the whole backstory is Sam. Wright played again. San The piano player. We Know Sam The studio wanted to be a woman which I thought was such. An interesting would be a terrible choice even though they considered people like Lena Horne and Ella Fitzgerald, who would have been amazing, but wouldn't. It have been terrible to have another? Who would have created? UPSET, the whole would upset. The whole balance couldn't have another woman there. You know to to feed off of this triangle I. Would I think even if they were best, friends would be so hard I'm just like that misstep would have been I. think huge for the film. No, you're right because a movie language. Guy. Friend who he adores, and you're like well. You can't be with that girl if you can't be with the girl that he really loves. They'RE GONNA wind up at the end of the movie. They'RE GONNA wind up and they're going to be right. You would just be like I. To get farmed off on Lena Horne, which is amazing. You'll be lucky to wind up Lena Horne. Yeah. It's yeah of course I. Mean You would want that? I mean yeah. It's I think what I love about this story. You would never open I don't think he would really open his hard to another woman I. Mean we see what is his girlfriend that the woman is getting drunk at the bar in the beginning I like that's the level of relationships that he's having right now. She's so funny. She's great, but it's sort of like so like who? She's so disposable. You know, but does a great job. True, but then having Sam as this person I mean Sam kind of functions as his exterior conscience right like when have that conversation between Elsa and Sam were they recognized each other they talk. She tells him to play the song. You hear him spinning all these lies to try to protect rix that he doesn't have to play the song, and it's almost like Sam's protectiveness of Rick makes us protective of Rick like if we see somebody else care for this guy who's acting like I'm fine. Don't eat anything. I'm a cold, asked person. Like it's okay, then there were like okay. He's fine. There's nothing lovable about him, but SAM. Make some level because you see here in this clip like how much he loves. Very sorry. I see them all night. When woody back. Didn't come. He went home. Always leaves. or He never. Well he's got a girl up to the blue. Parrot goes. A much alliance. Leon! You bad time. Played One SAM. For All time sake I don't know what you mean, Miss Elsa. Play as time goes by. Remember myself. I'm a little rusty on. Al Hamid for you. I gotTA. I gotTA. Any. You must remember not. Just. I just. Can I tell you a weird. Wilson to character who plays Sam? Yes, well is a fun fact that he never saw piano before this movie because that is the fakest piano playing I've ever seen it's. It's comically bad. That is not the fun fact, but that is a fun fact. That is a fun fact. My fact is that Dooley. Wilson is the only person on this set who'd actually been to Casa Blanca. He had been to real cost of bunk and nobody else ever been there, but he had been, he'd been there for kind of a fundraising I mean. He was truly even though he can't play piano worth anything. He was actually a really good jazz musician. mazing singer yeah, he's. Voice is voices amazing, so he went to Casablanca way back in the day to play Jazz, Incas of Lanka for none other than t e Lawrence. The Realty Lawrence not screwing up the time. T E, Lawrence Lawrence of Arabia so Dooley Wilson Play Jazz. INCAS AB- Lanka for t E. Lawrence are big star. The Real, the real one and like Casablanca made Arthur Dooley Wilson himself a really huge star like he suddenly overnight. People were so glad to see him on screen. They thought he did such a great job that he was getting five thousand fan letters a week boom overnight Dooley. Wilson was a huge door. Because of Casablanca and this is a problem with the studio system. This is the system. They had no idea what to do with him, and nobody else was allowed to make movies with him, and then there he was just there making nothing and his career, fizzling a lot like happened to Hattie mcdaniel. Yeah I was GONNA say like Hattie, mcdonagh, you know and it's it's. Upsetting because everyone else in this movie goes on to kind of exploded and have a such a big career Just interesting fact while we're sharing facts, you know the line? Play it again. Sam Never spoken in the film. Right I s Ingrid Bergman says play it. Sam Play at once more for old time. Sake, but play it again. Sam is not align. This movie is very misquoted. Kind of find a few of these examples. I think it might have come from this Jack, Benny, sketch. In many respects I think that this is the equivalent of an SNL sketch. When Casa. Blanca comes out, here is Jack Benny and Rochester. Doing a little Casa. Blanca seen. I'm having trouble with a girl. Down Crowley Saddam. Pour Yourself. A drink will say hank. Ingrid. Ingrid. Go ahead Sam Played Sean. I WANNA. Hear it once more. You must remember the. Kiss! A little bit of the Clinton because they wanted to play the song the songs of money, but throughout the entire sketch. Play against him the. Jack Benny keeps on saying that he didn't say it right there but I wonder if that was maybe the confusion, or that's how it got locked into popular culture. It must be the way that I hear more cowbell every single. Radio that would make sense other. Did you do what the line was was originally written as when they were first writing this scene what? Okay all right so this is supposed to come out of Humphrey Bogart's mouth to Sam as he walks up, he's just was to go play it. YOU DUMB BASTARD! Jesus! Wow Wow. You Bastard. Does that roll off? Oh my Gosh Oh Look I want to see him say that like. Fitzgerald. There that really that really got me. That's a t shirt. Play faster. You even that song was not supposed to be the song like they didn't like it, but they got locked into it. And again we talk about happy accents all the time and that really. Becomes so iconic You can't help, but think of. Again as somebody who's ever seen that movie, that's what I know from this movie. Play it again Sam. which is even a line that song. And then that end monologue this movie. But this movie is full of so many quotable quotable lines I mean. That's the thing. I was really surprised about two. Throughout the whole thing. The the writing of it is just fantastic. That's so true I mean. This script is just written with an inch of its life. It feels like it is written. They figured it out. They figured out how to make it work. I, mean some of the writers gazillion writers worked on this. Two of the writers were these twins. They call the Epstein twins. Arose about the process of writing the script. Is there like listen? Every scoop is concocted, but Casablanca was really concocted. We sat down and we tried to manipulate an audience. And they did that if they had in mind like. Not I am going to type the screenplay that represents my soul, but I'm going to type A screenplay that just works, and I'm GonNa Picture someone in the audience I'm GonNa Picture making her laugh and I'm going to picture making her cry I went externalize everything inside of me and make it work on that person's manipulation. I think it's kind of a bad rap. Because we as audiences are like, we're not like that you can't manipulate us, but it works man, but I mean that's a little bit. We talked to only did American graffiti in how George Lucas use that end to kind of make you leave feeling something that you may not have felt the entire film. Just put in some context about the quote ability of it This film has six quotes on the AFI's list of top movie quotes. That's more than any other movie on the list of a hundred. Yes number five. Kid Number Twenty is Louie I. Think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship number twenty eight play. It Sam play thirty two round up the usual suspects forty three. We'll always have Paris and sixty seven of all the gin joints in all the towns and all the world. She walks into mine I mean that's. It's a and they're all pretty much before you know sixty seven is pretty. You know they don't even get into the back half of the hundred. That's high up quotes. which were the you? Find Yourself saying the most? I mean. Probably round up the usual suspects because I am in law enforcement, and that's something that I do. Know I don't know if I I don't know if I say any of these I, don't. They don't really they don't really default to like. Like casual, you find you say these. Are The number one thing I will always have Paris usually not Paris. It's like we'll always have. The Los Angeles County Carnival well. We have the farmers market on Sundays. You know it's I think especially this summer where there's a lot we don't have, but we will have again. I'm using. We will always have a ton. We will always have browsing for tonight's dinner at Trader Joes. Well, you know what I love that and you know I'm thinking about these quotes and I realized that some of these quotes were improvised. Like here's looking at you. Kid was improvised by Humphrey Bogart. It was something that he was saying to Ingrid Bergman as they were. Playing cards is teaching her to play poker, and and that was that the organically worked at twenty two script, and then you know when he goes I, think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. That was all eighty yard at the end of the movie. They already finished. They came back in and they recorded that. Wasn't unsaid. It wasn't in wasn't anywhere. and I thought that was really interesting, and this is a script that you said so. People work on it that there's a legend. The Lore of this film is that ill. Said didn't know our Ingrid Bergman did know who she was going to end up with, so she played it. In the middle of the road because she really didn't know, that's been disproven They went back and they saw how the film was shot, and that scene was actually shot before a lot of the other scenes in the actual film. So that was just you know I think fun. Laura I think that that's again. Devaluing her acting. I mean she really believe it like I. Mean I found a clip of her? Describing it saying that no, that really is how it happened. Really Yeah, they had the ideal rick play by Humphrey Bogart and Rick's cafe in Casablanca and all the intrigues with the French and the Germans and a love story, but that was a skeleton was no don over anything and had no belief in it because we thought if you do this. Makeup the dialogue like that and me asking, but which one of these two men am I? Really in love with because you know Paul paul-henri played my husband and Humphrey Bogart play the man that fall in love with in Paris and they. They wouldn't tell me because they said we haven't finished. We don't know how pictures to end and we don't know which. You're going to end up going to shoot it two ways, so that's how we went long naturally. We didn't believe that the picture was going to beat the big classic. It is today and what people remember by. Could have been the only picture I made as far as by Hollywood careers concern. Interesting yeah, I mean one of these days. I heard that. They told her they were going to shoot both endings. They're like okay. We're GONNA do one take where you go off. You go off with Lonzo. This is your future. And then we're GONNA do it again. We're you stay with Humphrey. Bogart and we'll just decide what happens later in the editing room and they shot the one where she goes off with Laszlo. She's a little bit heartbroken. She was like you're right. This is my sacrifice. I have to make to keep this man spirits up because he can do something. When it comes to winning the war me, my God, they had three years of the war left when this movie came. Three years left the dissolving history really blows my mind. And then that ending went so well that they're like okay fine, we can just stop. There is a DC now I'm believing Roger Ebert. When he said that they went back and they found out that they shot that earlier on I, wonder if maybe when she signed on to do the film. There was this idea like it was up in the air and they may have told her before they shot that scene, but then when they actually went they. They didn't shoot the film in Chronological order that when they that she may have had that knowledge for most of the film I. Don't know now. I don't know I want. We've been story. Also think of the a good Hollywood star would prefer to tell a story like that as well it's. It's a much more nor inducing story. Think you're right. Although onset, bogart like when reporter would come by the Long said he literally told a reporter, then he thought the ending was Baloney because no man of Ingrid Bergman. Man Humphrey, Bogart? Charmer you know we would have. We would have actually seen a sequel to this movie. If Ingrid Bergman was available, they had this film called like Brazzaville so they. A certain point decided well. Can we recast her with Geraldine Fitzgerald and then they're gone. We shouldn't do it, and so it wasn't until the nineteen nineties when Michael Walsh wrote as time goes by that there became an official sequel to this film, but. I think this might have been devalued by a sequel to see these characters together again I don't know. I think you want you want to envision them on an adventure, but you don't want to have them cross paths again. No, I mean from what I've read about Brazzaville. And I think all they ever had written down was a ten page synopsis, but what they thought was going to happen was that rick would now become a freedom fighter, so he's a freedom fighter. Running around in also would be conveniently widowed. Sorry, Laszlo. You're dead. About both of them, trying to get to America. Osa Oh. It's okay, but yeah I think it should have just ended here. That's why I think it's interesting that people have been. maniacally protective of Casablanca every time. Anybody tries to Redo Casablanca anytime. They tried to colorized Casa Bunker. There's this huge outrage, even though I mean. Would you remember when they tried to color as Casa Blanca? When we were babies, it was ten. He's like I'm GonNa. Make color I found a commercial from them trying to justify why Casablanca should be redone. We invited these people to a superstation. TBS World Premiere, sneak preview the Screama right as Casablanca for the first time ever in color on the left is the old black and white version. Why almost everyone looking at the screen on the right? That's because they refer Casablanca in color by nine to one margin I really sort of saw a new for the first time seeing in color, it was impressive spirit good I enjoyed it and was a lot of fun I. Just don't like Black and white off. I live in a college age. I came here with the bias and I I. I kept watching the color I. Hours to call her the whole time and it was. Classic can't be I certainly think the colonization really adds to it and. It's like seeing it for the first time. Really so play it again. Sam, this time and color the world color Premiere Casablanca. Easter next. Wednesday November? First of all whatever you're doing, stop it. and find a commercial because it is like a cavalcade of Mad TV characters doing testimony. I have never I have never seen Moore. Character people in my life it is the greatest hair outside of the reruns of supermarket sweep that are currently keeping me come to company at night. I, you know it's interesting because this film. Ito feels like war has all. The trappings of Classic Noir. Seeing color there. And then colorization such a weird thing, anyway but the movie is really used to amplify shadows in the in the look, and the club is so dark. It's beautiful I as a matter of fact, The cinematographer was given a note early on in shooting when they're inside the club. It's too bright. It looks too much like a set like make it darker. Make it darker, and the movie has really cool feel and the use of shadows and is is just the movie looks fantastic and. It is one of those films like if you told me. I don't know I guess I. I just think it's so built to be seen in black and white it. It seems that's what is bad about it. It's like you to make a color feels like you're diluting the art. Some of the stuff. That I think this film does the Best Cinematography wise is really subtle it. There's that whole point. Win the first time that there's this three way conversation right between. And Rick and Victor Laws Low and the person who's in focus is victor. It's so talking to rick. They're talking to each other. There were like the intensity is, but the camera stays sharp focused on victor himself, so that ill says a little bit out of focus and I appreciate that that's a little bit of like triangulation of where you need to pay. Be paying attention to oceans as everything goes on. And then, of course there's big flourishes like that moment. When Sam brings that letter that also left to rick and he. He handed him in the rain when they're at the train station, and you watch the ink kind of wash off, and there's this whole just it's a little over the top, but it so effective idea of. Vanishing memories of something that was lovely getting trashed. Oh, I thought it was more like those are her tears. Oh, I like that too I. think that also works and I think about my favorite image of this movie. It's so simple to be honest. It's just Ingrid Bergman in the hat that little curve of shadow curving around her forehead in down her cheek, bone, just framing her perfectly it's. It's like she's got to Halos. Dark Halo in Alight Halo and her beautiful perfect face it by. She's so perfect in this movie that I was I saw that the people who worked on the script the FCC twins. They're like you know. All we really need is an American girl. Big tits. An American girl of big tits will do in this role which was like what no? Way that they shot and Lit Ingrid Bergman is absolutely. People. Who have it seen that clip that we just played? It doesn't add anything for me to know that. Sam is wearing a yellow jacket on the piano. Really really jacket, but it kind of called out to me in a weird way go. But. They did something interesting, too, because she was really nervous about our foreheads. Apparently, she had a very big far head I understand. Well and and they did so much to light and treat her in this way and I think a lot of people think this may be the film that she's best photographed in because cinematography in it really like they took again listening to Roger Ebert do his commentary. He said that he did entire commentary with A DP director photography, and they only looked at in at her shots, looked at like how her shots were framed. Because each one is so artistically done whenever the light and cameras on her, and they could just, they just pinpointed that I thought that was really really an interesting way to watch the film. I love that, too, because you also. I mean you are presented this woman who is just unbelievable and wonderful and romantic and adorable and everything and yet. What I appreciate about how she plays. The role of actual performance is just the level of integrity that I think Ingrid Bergman has because when you really strip it down to the essence. This is a fairly rare kind of script. This is a woman who's. Basically slept with another man I would say in Paris while her husband was in a concentration camp, and yes, she thought he was dead in. Yes, she didn't know, but that's usually the kind of thing. I feel like in a in a code film that you die accidentally. Cheated on my wonderful husband, who's like the Great Savior of the war and here he was a concentration camp victim. Who might rescue us from what is to come? And yet she plays, it was such innate goodness. You know that you like you are allowed to find love again. The and I think discredits from inside of her. Well I mean you don't have to be a virgin to the virtuous or to be worthy of love, and and I feel like this movie walks these fine lines in and during the code time just having her in a bathrobe in the scenes in Paris, which you know, which look slightly You Know Post Coil. Our really A really interesting to me like you know they really do. Push the bounds here you know and in the the original script. They even made her less virtuous than she was. She was living with an American businessman and it was rick who left her when he found out and when it comes to Casa Blanca. She's not even married to victor like so she kind of been. They really played with this character made her. You know I I think for the time really that really exciting to do that. True from everything I've read. The Code had real issues with this film. Which is interesting? I mean I feel like this is the film I? Be Like I will show this if you if you had me Babysit your kids. I wouldn't feel am I feel like I bored them. If I would made them watch Casablanca but I wouldn't feel like scandalized them if the. Lanka, and yet, either the student people at the time, they were really freaked out. There's a scene. Rip Could Be implied that Ingrid Bergman sleeps with Humphrey Bogart. You know after they have this this kind of rendezvous back in his office in there like we have to make really sure it doesn't seem like that. There's a lot of really corrupt stuff honestly happening with Captain Renault. I mean Claude rains in this police captain. He plays the guy who. Spends his career in Casablanca trying to play both sides, trying to keep the Nazis happy trying to stay up positive on the surface. Maybe maybe anyway. You think he's like scheming to stay afloat so that he can do whatever he needs to do very deep down under the surface. Maybe he's figuring out. Conscious movie goes on. It's hard to say, but like the one area where his conscience is awry, even if you might be secretly aligned against the Nazis and the vichy is, he's like well at least I'm GonNa. Use My power to make women sleep with me for visas, right? That's whole. He is like sending that woman. She needs a visa me tidy myself up in the Mir so she can come in Oh. This young girl needs a visa. Even though she's married, we'll all set a date with her. And we will see what happens. Ease a real fucking bastard. If we're honest, he is a real play it, you dumb bastard! Well look I believe that he would do that, you know. The whole third act the film. You only that person to say play dumb bastard could pull off the plan. He can outsmart them because I think he is He is a bastard like he can screw everybody I mean. He screws over everybody. Even people who are his friends to a certain extent like he's abandoning people. He's getting rid of things you know. He is the definition of pragmatic or selfish or her. A lot of unforgettable words. And again that just really struck me. How vibrant this must have felt in nineteen forty two. I, mean here. It's the America's first real year at war. You know we've now had a year of being at this war. This is all still getting settled out. I mean it blows my mind I think. Did this movie came out at a time where you didn't know for sure how the war was going to end at all? You didn't even know how bad necessarily the concentration camps work for somebody like Lonzo. You were still that scar gives you a little bit of an idea right like. Allude to it just a little bit. You are still playing at both ways when it comes to things like. Can we get the Italians over here? What can we do with the French? WHO's really our friend? How are we going to play this out? And for this film to take such a definite stance against the vichy government to have at the end Ito Renault's big moments throwing away a bottle of water that says Vishu water. that. At a time, when most studios had only now just gotten used eighty of taking side in the war. This is huge warner brothers is I was always ahead of the game I mean the warner brothers very clearly before everybody else were willing to say that. Nazi Hitler was bad. They are the first studio in Hollywood to pull their films out of production in Germany. They're the first people to say. We don't give a shit. We believe in right and wrong, even if this economy is a business, and so they were really well placed to make a film that I feel like hit a lot of hot buttons in Nineteen, forty, two and assembled a team that was willing to do it. I mean Conrad Vite. Who plays the May, not see in this movie. who plays Strasser Major Strasser. He was from Berlin. He was born near Berlin and he was a guy who really spoke out a lot against the Third Reich because his wife is Jewish. And because he knew this was wrong, so when he realized she had to leave Germany. I went new into. Britain then he came, and he went to America when he got to Hollywood. He signed a clause saying okay guys. I know I'm a German actor. I know just showed up in Hollywood. I want to sign a contract. I want to act, but I want you to tell me I will only play villains. He wanted to only play German villains because he was trying to get the word out using. He was like this is my contribution to the war effort. I think that's part of gives us film so much passion. Is that so many of the people you know from Curtis to Himself? They were all people who had fled Germany. Laurie had to flee. Germany, because he had been asked to read. This Nancy Pamphlet allowed at a at a big speaking, composing him, and he read it in such a way that people knew he was making fun of it, so he he had to get out of Germany, and it was like they're all. I mean I guess a year and a half before this sort of called it raising the flag, other words started. They're able to say like pay attention. We know what we're talking about. And that passion I just find really F- I don't really admirable. Honestly, it's like if you couldn't fight in the war, you could make movies to help. Fight the war for you. Right which is kind of the opposite of what we saw with the Vietnam film that we talked about a lot on this podcast like if you couldn't fight in the war, you could pretend that you fought in the war and you could make up. What you thought would happen there. You know it's. The different I mean except for Oliver Stone I, think there is like there's a real embracing of like being a war hero at same. Almost being a cowboy, oftentimes as embraced you know, and then what's been so shocking is when you see these movies that treat the violence of the of the old West by the way I was thinking about that a little bit. There's a little bit of Shane here. Right? A little bit of you know with our our you know there's a love and he's gotTa. Go, and he's a violent man. There's a I felt a little element to that Shane. Casablanca share a little DNA. I could hear that I mean I definitely heard a little bit of cabaret. Right? Actually. When there's that scene with another Nazi German song, it's just I mean I find these movements so powerful and what I loved about this one is you know the Nazis the taken over Ritz Ritz Bar. They're playing their Nazi song. They're standing there. Acting like the bar is ours and the great protests that Victor Laszlo does is. Is. He fights back with art. I love this seat. I WANNA. Listen to a little bit of it and part of what I love is I think the scene gives actually the most empathy. The movie has to Yvonne that girl who's like off again on again dating rick because you get to see her this I'm going to get to see the tears in her eyes, and suddenly I think she becomes my hand. Off. Ah. says. Late. I love that scene It's an and I think what you're saying and what they say in. The film is like if he could do that here. Think about how much damage he could do in the real world and I think the one thing that we're not even talking about which is a fun thing to even look at. This movie is completely ridiculous like on. If we really want to examine it, they would just arrest Victor. There's this whole thing about these papers these magical papers. If you have them, you could travel wherever you want, but we're in the the the Germans are here. They don't need a reason to arrest him right. There's like I. It's it's a macguffin. If there ever was one right like these papers don't exist. They're not real. They've never were real but you never questioned it, but because I think you need to to see it in this way like you know like But I I love this movie could have such at centerpiece this fictional thing where we're talking about this true story or these true feelings, and and this idea rebellion, but yet you know I think one of the the the playwright even said I was waiting for someone to say to me like this makes no sense, and no one ever did, and so we just kind of kept it going. Yeah, sure that's got you know, but it is. It's a golden ticket. This Willy Wonka golden ticket here that. Kind of makes them impervious to any action by the Nazis. which is you know at that point? Even though it's before Pearl, harbor I think could have found a reason I mean they. They killed Peter Laurie no problem i. mean you know it's like they didn't have a reason they're. A little a little bit of reason. WHO had so striking about the dialogue I think in this movie is how polite everybody is. HOW POLITE! The Nazis are two laws low. How polite, even even Renault is to everybody like how polite they are, as they're all determined to get their way even Laurie. Laurie tries to come to rick and sell him these papers. Get Him to protect these papers at least. What you hear so much, the way he talks is just this deference, the almost stifling politeness. Fast, don't you? Probably would. Object to the kind of business. But think of all those refugees who must routine is place. If I didn't help them, but that's not so bad through ways of my own I provide them with exit visas price. WHO GOT THE PRICE? But, think of all approved devils who can't beat the windows pressed I get. Parasitic. Parish object to cut right one. e-e-e-e-no I'll be honest. I found all of this politeness. Casa Blanca really chilling today because it kept making me think about how. We put the right face on things, or he say things in the right way and yet horrible evil can still be happening. You know that just because evil is nicer. Evil comes with me of evil, giving you a hug, if it evil is still evil at the the layers of doublespeak in this I mean, it's a little nineteen eighty-four wish, honestly the way that the the Nazis speak to somebody like Lonzo. WHO everybody's like? Yes, indeed, okay fine, we shall be there tomorrow. I will wear my suit and a giant fascist regime is taking place all around us, and we're going to fight back with manners. And they think and I think that you see how quickly those facades fade like at the end of the film when when Louis protects. Rick like Oh like. Everyone's just trying to get by right and if they can get by the you, get your wins where you can get them and and I think that's what makes us this movie cylinders, and you open up obviously on that first scene of Humphrey bogart playing chess and that's what this whole movie is a chess match. It's it's you think something's going to happen in switches you know, and and you think you have the upper hand, and you don't and and all of a sudden the power shifts so quickly and that like a medium reading into that maybe Humphrey Bogart just like playing chess, but that is such a good. Game! That kind of describes the cat and mouse of this town. This this politeness this. What movie you making how you doing it? And what's going on here and I I feel the end of the movie. Does a really great job it's. It's the only time I feel like real truth is spoken. With. The logic you know it's like. Yes, we all know we're in this world and were playing this game, but this. Is. What you have here is not a game like you can't. We can't play a game with what you're doing. You're trying to take down these you know this. Fascist regime and I kinda love this moment of. You know this monologue that that Humphrey Bogart has at the end of the airport. It's like it lays everything out and. It's I think the first time you see. Him Open, you know just totally open and and I guess because in many respects. He knows that that's the end of his. That's he's done like he's pulling off this plan and if it all went the way he thought, I think he. He was walking the suicide. You know unless you already planned that he was always going to be. He didn't know I. Mean there's no way to know because everything kind of switches and switches and switches and it just this is what happens, you know. So. I think he was prepared for it so I think you could speak his truth at the end. And what's so interesting about? His character is I think it. We usually are fed a lot of good guy and bad characters. Right good guys, good guys, bad guys and I think what makes Kozlowka compelling to me and so watchable is that you have the bag? Is You have the Nazis? Major Strasser. You have the absolute good guy. You Have Victor Laszlo. You know I am a survivor. I'm sacrificing myself and my happiness, but the main characters that we spend time with. Humphrey Bogart and Claude rains there neither. The on your, they might they finally do come out on his side, but we're spending most of time with people where we can't figure them out. We can't pin them down and I think that Humphrey bogart really test the limits of how possibilities to be apolitical person in a world that's incredibly politicized I mean, he can keep saying layoff politics layoff politics as much as he wants, but you can't do that forever. You! Being apolitical is being political I. Think you see that at the same time in it captain or no? I mean. Yeah I mean that's how you lucky survey so much because you know, he is out there. Always just telling everybody how he doesn't believe in God. And you know that's almost an active embracing God. He's a real example of telling power to power. I can't imagine that when this movie comes out. It's not beloved because very very much like a lot of the films that we talk about on this show, it comes out in a moment where it's speaking to the Zeitgeist of a nation. Right like this movie comes out is important, and it's echoing the way that people are feeling, and they WANNA be in this world like you know what? What was the reaction when this comes out? I'm trying to think of the right analogy because I don't WanNa say it was a little bit green booked. But it was a little bit green booked over little bit green booked in the sense that people were like. Okay. This really works as manipulation. They're like I. See right through this movie. You are crowd-pleaser. You have manipulated me well. I applaud you as much as I, call out your manipulation. Good, sir, like people wanting to I am too smart for this movie. Even if it worked on me, you know what I mean. Right. That was a lot of the VIBE I got. Because even the reviews were positive. They seem to be positive with. One foot out like so one of their Visa James Agee the nation who read at the time you apparently caused Longo, which I must say. I liked is working a rather serious reputation as fine melodrama why it's obviously an improvement on one of the world's worst plays, but it is not such an improvement that is not obvious. Rains Bogart Heinrich von Laurie cycle and a colored pianist. His name I forget is what he said Whoa. were a lot of fun and Ingrid Bergman was more than that, but even so Michael. Curtis just has a twenty directors. Correct feeling everything you know that everything including the camera should move Blah Blah Blah and his bit-players. Atmospheric scenes are not even alien corn. Thanks to a friend, moreover I can now quote two lines, which is snickered at, and then I blush to say forgot won Miss Bergman's pleader. Husband takes the season's prize for Exposition Oh. Victor Police. Don't go to the underground meeting tonight. The other more tender is Miss Bergman's to just as after she collapses on a sofa with art. From, now on, you'll have to do the thinking for both of us, dear. Social Psychiatrists might think regard the following as sinister wartime symptoms. So it was like he could not give into the movie. And then it's interesting. About James Agee is as film gained momentum as it became this hit as it became this this Oscar sudden surge of interest. You know that that became really passionate. He kept writing about it and he kept writing about his conflicting feelings. You read after it won the Oscar is he wrote Casablanca is still reverently spoken as a a fun movie and e a quote. Real movie I still think of it as the years clearest measure of how willingly foot damn you I don't know what that means and French foot view. People will see themselves. But, he really looked down on people for liking this movie. Even as he liked himself I thought that was really interesting. Because I see that symptom happened today. You know it's interesting that that was his reaction. Because you know in the eighties, they didn't experiment where they sent the film script out to readers at a number of major studios and production companies under its original title, everybody everybody comes to Rick's a great title, and the readers. Didn't recognize the script. They complained. It was not good. You know not. This is not going to be a good movie. Others gave complaints as to dated. There's too much dialogue. There's not enough sex in. It so interesting a cold read. Reno gender that reaction is also interesting that you know film. Readers never saw Casa Blanca But. I? Wonder if that. If that may be inspired the Nineteen ninety-six Pamela Anderson movie barb wire which is. retelling of Casa Blanca. Did you know that? No? I have never seen that I've never. Well we have A. How did this get made about it? You can go on strike premium and listen to that, but it's Many original characters are in it. Their genders are switched, but it is, it is A. Loosely you or I would say. It's based on cows Manca. You can, you can watch and you'll see it. You'll see it. whose parents are saying yeah. Pam Anderson Barsky who issue who's WHO's are alternate. I believe she's Rick Wow. She quotable. We'll I'll let you be the judge. Let's see Don't call me Babe. That's the big one. Don't call me Babe, There is What are you in here? Looking for a like got one I. DON'T SMOKE NEITHER DO I. you know. And then you know they. I wouldn't say they're quotable. They're they're very long. Paragraphs but maybe here's this is the end scene you know where we go now. Barb well I hear Peres nicest time of year. Mind if I tag along with you I don't mind I do believe on falling in love and then Pam Anderson says get getting line. I, do believe I'm falling in love. That is the this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Yeah, Okay, okay. Okay I hear Peres. Nice this time of year, okay. I could use that I. Hear traderjoes. Nicest. Time of year accepted SNOB. Either I thought you were going to say. The bronze and movie the Charles Bronson Movie. Longo. Woah. Wait. That didn't even know about that, oh, you don't know about long from one thousand nine hundred. Okay, here's a taste what happened. Is they sent you back to the states they got. Why did you come to? Kill somebody. Who is he get? Can Run fast. And around here he has enough clout to make the rules in Cobb Blanco. Right other close. Over the end nobody out. The cover! Or is in Peru. So this is basically. Casa Blanca in Peru called Capobianco starring Charles Bronson. Amy. Before you get into our interview I wanted to ask you. Our last episode in the. Top One hundred list. Is there a final? Simpson's did I win my bet. I mean there has to be a Simpson's for cost Wonka. Now, you predicted that there will be eighty five Simpson's correct by the to all one hundred films, which if there is a Casa, Blanca Simpson's you win. I you. You Win exactly which I find irritating. It's not even prices right rules. It's like you just one I, did it? You're absolutely correct. There's like a gazillion. I could only imagine a gazillion. The one that I picked episode called natural born kissers. This is win a marge. Go off to really rekindle. Rekindle rekindle regional accents, rekindle, rekindle rekindle their relationship and. The kids are stuck with GRANDPA Simpson and GRANDPA Simpson is watching in alternative ending to Casablanca. I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Look out, Rick each packing heat. Good work I am come on by Fil off. So fast. Hope you don't mind my dropping in not at all sweet cakes. You know what to do for him. Say One a great and the question mark the door open for a sequel. Seen that movie ten times and I never get tired of that ending. Where did you'll get this yard shrunk and old hag, and just a little girl. My studio dues to Casablanca all night. We tried to tack out happy ending on the picture because back then. Studio exists Riva. We would just dopes in suits, not like today. What are you talking about? I loved it. You're a SPEEDO JEN to say that they shaping a museum. Luke, I'll tell you what a- give you twenty bucks two fairly distinct again. Just fun to. What. You couldn't quite make out through the audio. Is that the happy endings? Elsa parachutes out of the plane lands on Adolf Hitler the instantly get married, and then the Old City producer hands, Lisa, and Bart. A copy of the ending of it's a wonderful life serial killer spree edition. Let's take a break to talk once more about our buddies at apartments dot com apartments dot com is the number one number one rental search website with the most listings of apartments, condos, townhomes, and the best tools to find a new space without leaving your place. Here's what that means for you. Yes, apartments DOT COM has three D virtual tours, so people can conveniently view their. Their floor plans amenities everything that's offered in thousands of units thousands. That's thousands of homes to take a Tauron to lurk through to climb to see what really suits what you want. Apartments also has HD video which includes drone footage drawn footage. That just blows me away. It's so technological drone footage that you can see exterior views, and then you can go inside the unit. Unit, so the unit interiors and neighborhood views of different communities. You can find hi Rez photos. You can find floor plans. You can find a many. 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Really I could be doing better. Here's what you're gonNA. Do you'RE GONNA go to? APARTMENTS DOT COM to find a new space without leaving your place of visit. APARTMENTS DOT COM, finding new space without leaving your place if you listen to unspoiled and especially, if you've listened to all one hundred movies that we have covered on unspoiled I think I can guess that you like classic movies, and if you like classic movies are honored. Yesterday probably doesn't even need an introduction to you, but I'm going to give him one anyways. He is Ben Mankiewicz. He's a host of TC 'EM. He is look classic. Movie Guy and also by the way. You might know that he and his family are basically all over this list I mean. His grandfather wrote citizen Kane. His uncle wrote all about eve, and he himself is one of the smartest minds in the classic Film Business Welcome Ben Mankiewicz. Ben. I am so excited that you're on the show. I mean I want to ask you like we have now gone through all one hundred films on the list from the number one. To number one hundred Ito from all the way from a citizen Kane to swing time and I want to ask you. I know that you have a little bit of family by on this, but a citizen Kane, your pick for the number one film of all time. I mean you know I never entirely know how to answer that question I mean. If you take in, you know I mean I guess we did a sight and sound but. The Vertigo. Had a blanket and that's an easy call for me. I'm a really like Vertigo. Our stand why people get so excited about and. I appreciate that and I don't. And I mean I don't think it's good I, just mean. I mean I'd I'd say it's you know off the top of my head one hundred thirty eight. You know I just like it should be, it's. Not, it's like my six favorite edge got in that question. I put Cain one and I think it's. Brilliant piece of filmmaking I do, but certainly not the movie I enjoy most which might be the movie we're talking about now. This sort of this is this is when studio filmmaking hits Grand Slam with two outs in the bottom of the night to win four. You know it's a this is perfect. I get it. There are moments when it's a little Schmaltzy, but I love manipulative Schmaltz when it doesn't feel manipulated I think we're talking about this balance all the time especially with the AFC list where it's the popular choice and the critical choice, right? I. Think many people that we talked to that. Listen to our show have not seen citizen Kane there. Never saw a so good I finally got to watch US film, but most people I would argue more than ninety percent has seen Casa Blanca, and like that's like this interesting distinction on this whole list. You know like what people love and I think it's the Shawshank redemption of all to people. I know so many people. I think that's number one on the IMDB. All Time Yeah So. I don't know if it's familiarity or do you find that to sometimes like the films that people are that are played the most get them get the most love or Even. Come across that at all. Yeah, yeah, I do, and I mean of course there played the most because people love them. The most and people love them the most because they're playing boss ride and at that, those those things feed each other I mean. It is shocking to look at that I am which obviously is incredibly unscientific Yup. jokers in the top twenty and right I got to stay there forever Paul. That's right, but the but there are movies that You know the mostly. They got good movies. The Godfather and Godfather to or like two and four, but right at that list doesn't. Than enough classic movies on there, but for some reason like twelve angry men, which is brilliant, somehow that cracked the top ten like a right, not Catholic so I I love that list I shaw. Shank is a perfect example because the end of Shawshank is incredibly manipulative, delivering exactly what you want, but it's perfect right right at the end of course in you know an Shawshank is a perfect example for me of this world that we have and to what you were saying, Paul this world that we have opened up to us where you sit down and you WanNa Watch a movie and you have basically you're willing to spend two dollars and ninety nine cents. Anything, Anything at all that you want you know. With very rare exceptions. And you look, and that list gives overwhelming. And you think you know what I'll watch. Yeah Yeah see thought. That's what movies do like. They comfort us, and that is a. that's a comfort move. I appreciate that you're talking about this feedback loop because that seems to come up to so often on this list you know movies like wizard of is that become more popular over time as people just like get to see them again and again and again and I'm curious like you shows such a range of things on TCI films that you're like this would crack the top one hundred. If people just saw it more if people were more aware of this film, yeah, totally I mean I was just looking I was talking to a remember. Yes, we're doing feel good films in July and. You know movies. I mean providing almost all movies that make you care about the feel part of feel-good more than. Park like it's okay, if a movie's tragic, if I feel it than it than it has moved in a significant way so I mean to me, bike paths of glory. I watch that to feel even though I'd be outraged at the end past. So I don't know past glories on the list. It is so i. mean that's Kubrick's best film. War Film ever made just about maybe maybe Algiers. That the shop around the corner is one of the movies we have and I. Guess you know it was considered by the A. F. I. On the list, but. I. Mean You know I think if you WANNA call it a romantic comedy like you know the best romantic comedy, there is so yeah, look at the list, right? It's totally subjective. And the question about the do you feel in? The slot on the show, the idea that comedies on always get there, do right we. I think we are more often embracing classic comedy. You know whether it's Harold Lloyd or the Marx Brothers, but we're very reticent to kind of forward and embrace something, but when Harry met Sally or something like that like. Do you notice that as well that sometimes comedies that are passed a certainly in the nineteen fifties kind. Kind of are harder sell to be deemed as classics. Yeah, I think some of that comes down. No question I think that comes from the Gada me, which has always been really has to nominate a comedy for best picture than if it is, it's a heady comedy like like Annie Hall. You know right out that any all's not funny. It really is, but you know I, mean you know? Better than anyone or as well as as the top tier people, hard comedy is to do well comedy done right ought to be honored, or it ought to be more films on that list. On things that are outdated and need to stay in the past. The agreed had for example. Black face was in swing. Time In. We've been having conversation on the show. Like how do you do you kick things out of the culture. How do you do frame them like what's the best way to handle something like that? Well, you know I think that this discussion obviously a really valuable discussion, and there's too much talk about discussions in the world by the way sometimes. Do something, but Israel. Really, it's been great. Because it is I hope highlighted what we do and I don't mean that in a promotional way, but in a bike I won't be will recognize the value it. Brings! which is you know sort of being the guardians of of you know eighty years of of movie history. We've put things in historical context in Hollywood context with the curation. And then we've corners in connection with the audience, and so this curation and context has never been more valuable than it is now and I hope people appreciate. Hbo Max in Grad Gotcha the same company. But. They did the right thing to gone with the wind, and then they have now put it back with an introduction from one of our hosts Jacqueline a professor of film professor at University of Chicago, and she's got a you know a four minute sort of discussion about putting that in context putting the history in acknowledging how important it was, and that holds true for for every single film like swing time like holiday and that has. Black face, which frequently just comes out of nowhere right because it's just a joke, ha, everybody knows this is a joke we want. Everybody laughed at it so sometimes you don't even see it coming and so the littlest rebel Shirley Temple. She's in black face crazy, but you gotta point that out. We gotta add the context. I think the context is more than just saying. Oh, this is what happened the Times be aware of it. Here's the move you gotta do a little better. I always find it so wonderful to keep realizing that the past is never just past. You know that even just just this summer like we have your awesome podcast on Donna Vich happening which has been so fun. The plot thickens happening at the same time. It's also queen along series on polly. Platt and you know they're talking about films and things that happened. Fifty years ago and it still feels like there's things to learn and pull apart and put together it always it feels like there's as modern an important of stories to be today I. Think there's never been a time where people a wide swath of people. It's probably the access podcast like yours and Karina and the one we did that you know there's so many movie podcast and many of them are good. This is sort of a discussion in a celebration of movie history in these behind the scenes details things we've been doing it. But I also got to up our game. Just good, right me. You know when you're when you're the only game in town, right? You sort of get into a pattern, but here there are other people who've entered this world in a different way, not with channel on television, but Yeah people really interested in this stuff and I think particularly for Pali Story Peter's story, and because I believe in the era between nineteen, sixty, seven, thousand, nine, hundred, seventy, six best ten years of American movies. And including you know nineteen, thirty, nine, nineteen, forty, eight, we're Casablanca cain polls in. Grapes of Wrath. By so many get a better lives, so many great pictures, so but that era you know when these new filmmakers and By God was every bit score, says he, and and Coca Cola and Freakin. He just had a fall, which made him an interesting topic for the documentary. Just to kind of talk, a little bit about Casablanca for a second. It's one of your favorites on. Did you know that they were trying to remake this movie? At one point with Francis Truffaut in nineteen seventy-three. Now, I didn't know that. I'm kind of always amazed like amazed at these movies that we love so much that why aren't they remade? Do think this is a movie that could be remade, or do you think this is a movie that could ever? You be done as a better to kind of just let this be its own thing if I wanted to appeal to the most. Fans and most classic movie fans I would say he can't be May Casablanca the originals perfect. But I really don't mind efforts to remake great moves and I argue with my brother who says I which I think is more traditional that you should remake bad. Like Logan's run, which is bad, but is really cool Saifi, and now that we can do it better like man that would be great, and they've been like four or five attempts to to get that going but. That you rob Marshall who I like a lot of WHO's a big classic movie? Fan The director Chicago. Raba Rod had a plan to remake thin man years ago at with a Johnny. Depp and. And there was you know this on twitter? At least for me, it was like how can you do this demand? As Perfect as William Powell and Myrtle Oi an Asda, and no one and nobody else I think no man. All this is going to do is get you. Excited to watch the original like with holly at our podcast that argument with commuters by are. Get you talking about like I think it's good like how is that not going to help the thin man, and if it right? It just reminds you boy, they really you know the the the when when studio filmmaking work, it was great. so I I don't mind Casablanca because of its cultural significance. Would be very tough and you're putting yourself I. Don't know any director. Screenwriter actors would necessarily WANNA. Take on that role. You know who would want an actors who be like. Yeah. I'M GONNA I'M GONNA play Rick Plane and I'm Gonna I'm GonNa play it better than. You're asking for ridiculed. Even. I've always wanted to ask you this. I know that you grew up in a house with. A lot of talk about movies, a lot of talk about classic movies, but I've ever. I've always wondered like when you were a preaching. Were you ever just snotty and like? No, don't watch anything in black and white. I JUST WANNA. Watch the goonies get away from here with all of that classic Hollywood stuff, a couple of things one I, was really never snotty. I was pretty great kid. I was too shy to be snotty fairy when I had a girlfriend in by after my sophomore year high school freshman year is Gone I. I came home, and my friends were spread out so I was on the phone to this girl, a lot and I was on the phone to my friends. A lot of three hundred fifty dollar phone bill and my mother went beserk additives. My brother's God. Bless me twelve years older. Josh negatives dayline NBC, and he goes highly calling other by first name he goes shut up. She is kid doesn't drink and do drugs calls. He stays out late. He's helpful. He loves you. He helps. You supported you since your husband left since our father left. Yeah. He likes to talk to his friends on the phone. Pay The bill and shut up. I was like Oh, my God. This is the. Greatest thing I've ever heard so So that's the first answer I. Like I knew about Mike Uncle Joe and my grandfather and citizen Kane and they'd but the movies they weren't jobs like fifteen years old before I saw classic movie that meant anything to me north by northwest which are logged sort of made me watch, you'll like it. And in my head should tell the story before I was smart enough to notice that I was like yes, I black and white movie I ever really liked except it's in color. Or when I got the job I mean I. IT turned out. I mean I was unprepared for all that it is, so I mean I grew into it and God. Bless him for letting me for letting me into what I thought I was sort of a a new a lot, and then I met everybody there. But I think that that's also like a good thing about. We found this on this podcast. As well I am a movie Fan who has gigantic blind spots because it grew up at a time, where look everything that I saw. As a from a ten year old to a twenty five year old so everything that came out, but I didn't go backwards and see writing. The came up before, and they think you know what you do so well, and I think what this we're talking about. This a lot is just this idea that it. Films should always be an entry point. They shouldn't be like Oh. No, if you didn't get in early enough for you didn't know it and I think at the root of it. This is they should be a joy to watch. This should be a pleasure to watch, and they should open up more doors, and that's exactly right. I think the. Nostalgia I say this. But I really think it's true. You know I mean. I got some sports memorabilia. You know where you get like my favorite baseball players old seven eleven clogged cup, and then I bought. Is You know and. So, but that's not what the style is. That's just memorabilia. Gal Gist is visceral emotional connection to your past and or your parents passed. Your grandparents passed an era that you care about and movies do that I, mean you know most of what we know about? How things looked in the nineteen twenties and Nineteen Thirties, how men and women dressed in the forties I mean we. We learned that gas. Right. And and you know it is not exactly a Newsreel, but we don't have the newsreels available to us. We learned from movies. Movies are a tremendous teaching tool. People responsive to visual meeting. But mostly it's this visceral connection that matters to us right that connects. You don't know like you watch a movie all you might think you know I am. I'll make this up like you Saturday morning you watch as John Wayne thing and you at some point, it may occur to like you know my grandfather loved. And he probably is probably meant something to him, and then you're doing something that you know like music. The Music Care about music we know takes people back I think movies do it just as well or even by. Any spoke about this being like this kind of home run hit at the bottom of the ninth. But like what do you think makes us movie last week? You think connects us to an audience still. I, mean it's it's first of all set in the most dramatic time of the twentieth century. Right where even in this little part of the war? In occupied France in north. Africa you feel like the world is at stake that freedom is at stick. And then there's this brilliant writing right this incredible script that. Four people worked at six at all, but four people really worked on crazily taken from an on bruce play. Did it. Against studio filmmaking. Talented People Bogart and and and Bergman and Henry obviously, but then this unbelievable supporting gas offerings Conrad by all the little players. Marcel Dallaglio who is the creepy a and has in the five favorite scene in the movie for for many others to you know that when bogies like non Knockin Alette, Louis Asleep with this young girl who just got married I'm GonNa let this guy? Win just does it subtly. A couple of words that's not over explained is perfect. I cry every time. Right every I'm in the way he looks like and. Says you know how we do as I. Lit The worst I thought we would you know? So it's just. Perfect like it all so many things could have gone wrong. Real Quick Cy Seth. Road was on Howard stern like three years ago and our asked him about. Bad reviews and he was like I. Get it. Memories are so hard I. I, he goes I'm every so many things can go wrong. There are so many moving pieces. He said I'm amazed when it's good. Extends me when it's good so here, man! It's just like like. Emma, Gambler! It's like hitting a Tintin. Parlay everything together the love story by Casey Robinson. Our coaches sort of the bare bones of it the political stuff stuff, and then the bear structure from the APP seen brothers just. All of it is it just everything worked and they didn't know that ending its alchemy right, I mean it really. Take one piece out, and it's not as good of a movie and you get Logan's run, I mean. Like that idea where it's like. I'm always amazed by that like somebody who? has had to cast things and work on things like Oh. My I didn't get my first choice. And you wind up your second or third choice is the person who gets it and they do a performance. That's so much better than you could possibly ever imagined I think you hear that all the time. It's like people come in and bring so much and make these little choices and this movie too late. The background actors are all these great actors your year like. Everyone's marines call these amazing, and they're all immigrants all. Yes, there are limits exists. Here's the last thing I'll say to you guys I'm you gotTa go? I got forever, but I've got to go so hundred credit here as they go to. The British you know. Bruising movie can meet a thousand things from given some money or connecting people in demanding credit. That's why we see counting executive producer in a big movie lucy. People listed there, but how Wallace produced this movie Wallace as Guinea again these get four talented writers working on the story as it goes on the ending critise, great director, underrated director Alice. Capped everybody going in the right direction, he heard that movie and that he almost deserves more credit than critise or anyone else from taking the for constantly juggling and never dropping the ball. That's great well. Thank you so much, Ben. This has been fantastic doc to What a pleasure and we definitely WANNA make sure people check out your podcast which is all up now, right? The plot thickens so from from TC. I, hope you like we really rough making. definitely check out Ben's podcast with the amazing Peter Bogdanovich. It is called. The plot thickens wherever you get your podcast. This is our final episode of season one, but before we wrap it up. We thought it would be great to do a recap of everything that we've watched. What stood out to us what we really want to get rid of and we want to open that up to you as well so next week as we recap our journey on the AFC list, we are going to give you a challenge. Can you cut fifty of the AF? Can you just live with only fifty unless it's a hard cut, but we have to make room and I feel like that's. I mean a pretty bold way to jump into it. What do you think amy? Listen we live in a place where we know well that one of the things that happens in nature is there's a huge fire, and then things rebuild and re grow, and they are fresher and stronger than ever in that. Sometimes you gotta slash and burn in order for new regroup growth so I'm I'm I'm all about a bold move here? Because it's not like you're saying we ate these films. You're just saying there's a lot of great films Oh. Come on, there's a Lotta great films, and they don't all have to start Jimmy Stewart, but at least a couple of do. Yeah and we'll talk about what we use to determine. Our fifty and I have a couple of well because when I'm making this list. I'M GONNA. Look at it and say all right. Does Butch Cassidy and Sundance kid belong on this list? Is there a better George Roy Hill movie that could on this list, and if there is if it was the sting, I'm GONNA kick Butch Cassidy off because I wanna make room for the other ones, so there is a little. Little bit of creative thinking you have to have here like if you want to replace swing time with top hat than swing times got to come off you can. You can replace different films with ones that don't exist on the list so far, so really think about it. It's too, but make your fifty. It's really a going to be a fun thing to do and and amy and I think we should also may be challenged ourselves to give our top ten. And our bottom ten. Bottom ten. A couple of those so amy. We will see you next week for our our traditional. Final episode of this Pod before we launch into season, two but a big. Thank you to i. mean you know just what we're here? A big? Thank you to everybody who makes this show possible behind the scenes in that is our producer Josh who has been absolutely amazing, cutting down those first episodes, which are Ramle and crazy. Enough trying to figure out what we were. GonNa do just been amazing throughout this entire process, and and I would say Devon another integral part of the show besides being our sound designer, a resident movie aficionado, and feeding us so many great tidbits that you never really often hearing on Mike, but always giving us so much input into in everything, so we have the best team ever here and everybody to your wealth but This is us for and that's why we won. The. SINOPHILE game show. so we have the power. Technically your years as a blockbuster video store clerk one you. The sinophile game show I never played. Evans I love you guys so much. So. This is great. We'll see you next week four. That's it the top fifty and and then we'll kind of explore a little bit more about what we're. GonNa. Be Doing too, and our big announcement about our game show which we've teased a little bit so so much coming up for unspoiled, so don't don't you worry. We'll be back to doing real movies and just a little bit. We will, but you know I think we should go out. The Way Casablanca Blanca goes out. Should we just play that ending you and me? Shall we cy her off into our? into the distance. Let's do it into our zoom screens I. Love it goodbye. We will see you at our recap of season, one. ended all adds up to one thing. You'll getting on that plane with the Khalil Balogh direct. You've got to listen to me. You have any idea what you'd look forward to a few stadium. Nine chances out of ten we'd both wind up at a concentration camp is naturally. Would insist you're saying. Go I'm saying it because it's true. Inside we both know you belong victory part of his work thing that keeps him going. Plane leaves the ground. You're not with him. You regretted maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon to the rest of your life. What about us? We'll always have Paris. Didn't have we. We lost it into Casablanca. Got It back last night. That would navigate you. Never will. I've got a job to do to where I'm going. You can't follow what I've got to do can't be any of. Those. Being Noble. Doesn't take much to see the problems with three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday, you'll understand that. Looking at you, kid!

Humphrey Bogart Casa Blanca Sam Play amy I. Ingrid Bergman director Rick United States Casa Blanca Michael Curtis Casablanca Hollywood WanNa Butch Cassidy spotify America Victor Laszlo AFI Clark Gable Jack Benny
The 5th Thing - Answering Your Questions  (9-1-20)

4 Things with Amy Brown

18:36 min | 5 months ago

The 5th Thing - Answering Your Questions (9-1-20)

"Hey, it's amy and you know after these last few months, I am so ready to rediscover the road actually all the roads, the ones that take me to the beach to the mountains to the country, and there's no other car like the Mazda C X thirty from the innovative features to the unique engineering to the sleek exterior. You'RE GONNA fall in love with all of Mazda's premium. See You. GO MAZDA USA DOT COM SLASH IHEART to learn more about the entire Mazda C UV lineup and available finance options. I spy something fun old Navy's face masks for the family. These triple layer washable one, hundred percent cotton masks are definitely something to smile about their designed according to the CDC's recommendations for non-medical face masks come in handy multi packs, and they're available in sizes for kids and adults, and because you should cover your face, not your personality they come in a whole bunch of prince patterns and colors. Five packs are twelve, fifty, ten packs of just twenty five bucks at your local old navy or old navy dot com see old navy dot com for details. Have used everybody amy here and I hope your week is off to a great start. Welcome to the fifth thing of the four things podcast where go over some emails the in answer any questions but we always start this episode off with a quote and I. Thought It'd be fitting and appropriate to honor Chadwick Bozeman real quick and shows something that he wants said fearlessness means taking the first step even if you don't know where it will take you, it means being driven by higher purpose rather than by applause it means knowing that you reveal your character. When you stand apart more than when you stand with the crowd now, great quote and from what I can tell from what all the famous people online, the new, Chadwick. Bozeman. They're just saying the greatest things about him. So he seemed to be a pretty amazing human and I love that my kids had a black superhero to look up to they loved the first Black Panther movie a lot and we look forward to watching Black Panther too, and then also I'm adding the Jackie Robinson movie called forty two to my list of things I want to watch i. Think that was Chadwick breakout movie back in two thousand thirteen maybe. So Jackie Robinson played for the dodgers and I don't know Mary was saying that it's a good film but her family is also huge dodgers fans. But it I love true stories about sports figures even though I'm not a super huge sports fan. But especially, since Chadwick Bozeman play Jackie Robinson I'm even more intrigued to check it out especially after seeing the type of person that he was like I had no idea while he was alive not gonna live but when someone passes away and you See. Everybody coming out of the woodworks talking about all of the wonderful qualities they had. You're like, Oh wow, that's amazing. Things tragic that we lost him at such a young age only forty three years old. So blog twos on our list to watch of we and then Jackie Robinson will actually movies called forty two. If y'all have any other movie recommendations for me and my family we will take them. The first question that we're going to get into today actually is really a question. It's more of a statement email that I got but I'm not gonNA say. Just out of privacy for her but this is what she wrote me Hey amy when you did the outweigh series, it dawned on me that I probably struggle with an eating disorder and that I need to actually deal with the shame that comes with that. But then I also realized that I actually feel like I don't want to lose my eating disorder because I'm terrified to. Be Fat. If there has been one thing that I could control. It's my weight and I feel that if I were to lose that, then I don't know who I am anymore. So I feel a huge sense of shame because I, want that yarn encouragement that maybe one day I can get to where you are please don't stop because I'm not there yet but maybe because of. Your strength I will I will four year old daughter and I would give anything to spare her these feelings. Thanks for all that you do. Okay. The first thing I want to say is there is no shame I know that you feel like they're shame but I don't want you to have the shame and trust me I know I've had the shame to but why Leeson I? Wanted to do the outweigh steer series, excuse me as because we wanted to break the stigma surrounding disordered eating and the gray area of eating disorders and you know I think also it really starts with dismantling our beliefs about health and beauty, and what beauty is it is so ingrained in us that fat is bad and that we shouldn't have any of it on us or that. You are not worthy if you way this amount and that is just not true. So if we don't start with unlearn some stuff, then it's an uphill battle for sure. So definitely sending you and anyone else feeling this way a Lotta love and encouragement because it's not easy but I can tell you firsthand that a life without an eating disorder has so much more to offer than. A. Number on a scale or the size of your genes? It really is not an enjoyable way to live I lived that way for so long and I don't think I realized how miserable I was until while the days that I was really in the throes of it that's when I was like this is awful. I remember saying things myself I would look in the mirror and Be Like what is my life? What am I doing to myself? I hate my life I can't believe I'm doing this and then I would have better days where I wouldn't feel so drastic. But now that I'm on the other side of it and I don't have that roller coaster of emotions with it, I can tell you it is just so worth putting in the work and. I have to remind myself a lot as I'm still in recovery that this is the better way to live like I tried to recognize the positives and the joys and the ease like everything is just so much easier when I go out to eat or I'm looking at a menu I'm deciding what to eat. I'm not waiting breaking down and thinking you're punishing myself with workouts like. Really. You can just take a deep breath. I'm thankful for people like Lisa, at the while necessities on Instagram, you should follow her and then Jennifer Rollin who's Jennifer Underscore Rollin on instagram both great follows. They really helped me stay encourage I. Think they could do the same for you. Jennifer is constantly posting the joys of her life without her eating disorder things she missed out on and I can understand not wanting to gain the weight and that fear is real. But again, if we dismantle our beliefs about. Health and beauty we can get there and you are not alone please continue to explore the idea letting it go because you are worth it holding onto that eating disorder will steal your happiness next email in question is from Emily Hey amy. I love listening to the bobby bones show and your podcast I. Love when you guys recommend your favorite shows, podcasts, books, etc. Do you mind sharing these CD products that you've been giving your dog car? I have a three year old chocolate lab mix who has some separation? Anxiety gets wound up easily hoping to find a good brand that works well speaking of separation anxiety dog has it too and she's literally sitting at my feet while I record this because she could not leave my side but the DVD brand of products that we love is Pat Relief and on instagram there at pet relief but the leaf part in relief as spelt like a plant leaf l. e. a. f.. So hopefully see that makes sense because pet relief hemp get it we use the seventeen hundred whatever and. One of its milligrams or something or another pimp oil. That's the CD drops that we put in her mouth. But then I liked to also ordered the little pizza snack treat they news feed her about three of those sometimes when she's starting to get a little anxious hyper or crazy, and it really just helps chill out calm her down emily asked one last question at the email also, will you guys be selling the four things? Christmas customized pullovers this year only one, hundred, twenty, six days away but who's counting? Emily, we're pretty pumped for Christmas too I mean with twenty twenty reading the way it is Christmas and hallmark movies and all the fun Christmasy things could not get here fast enough and to answer your question. Yes we will be selling customized for things Christmas pullovers. If y'all are not falling shop a spawn instagram that's regan follow along to make sure you don't miss out on anything that we released four things. This is the four things podcast y'all are the four things community. It's only appropriate y'all should have some four things stuff and all of our four things line in anything spas going to be supporting at my life speaks for the next few months which they're doing amazing work in Haiti for kids that have special needs and keeping families together and building foster homes. They're really awesome. Another good follow on. INSTAGRAM. As they are at my life speaks and at shop s SPA as instagram that I run to promote all of the and four things products. Everyone. Then bullet here host of stuff they want you to know in ridiculous history as a podcast does I am constantly reading and researching for upcoming episodes but even I, need an occasional break. So when I feel like, I, need some kind of mental pallet cleanser. My go refresher is the mobile puzzle game best fiends that's fiends not France best fiends is a puzzle game. You can play right on your phone. It's pretty cool because you go through all these levels solving challenging puzzles that actually engage your brain, but it's a casual game that anyone can play and it's actually Super Fun. The Great. Thing about it is that it doesn't take much time, but it's great because it fills up those moments where you wish you had something to do you don't need an Internet connection to play. So it's cool for when you don't have a connection. This game is also visually stimulating with these bright vivid colors and cute characters and best fiends updates the game monthly with new levels and events. So it never gets old best beans is a five star rated mobile puzzle game on the apple APP store and Google play, and you can download it right now for free that's friends without the our best fiends. Next question is from Ruthie Hey, amy I'm a longtime listener of the bobby bones show and I have listened to every episode of the four things podcast. Wow, that's amazing. Thank you because of your show I also listen to the velvets edge podcast. Kelly's guests last week was carried. Claude Dell and they discuss these. Oh skin skincare line. They mentioned that you use their products as well, which products do us and how do you use it in conjunction with your led facemask. Thank you for being open and honest look forward to your show every week. Well, thanks the Yes. I'm a fan of Zo. which you all are curious carry Claude del who's on Kelly's velvets. Edge podcast is at the Nashville beauty girl, which that's her name Kerry. But that's our instagram handle and I talk about her a lot. But I just say at the national beauty girl and she works between Nashville in Tampa. So she flies back and forth has clients in both places and when she's in Nashville, she is at Dr Houghton Chiefs Office, which is on highway one hundred and it's really easy to swing in there and pick up product if you want to or you can even message her on Instagram at the Nashville. You some stuff but if you're in Tampa, you could also go see her there. But really the best way to reach out to her is to detour on Instagram if you've got questions but the products that she put me on again for my skin. So I'M GONNA run through the list, but it may not be what's best for you but these things are fairly simple. So pretty foolproof they probably could work for your skin, but again, carrying I to play around with a few different brands and products the first stuff. She put me on for the first few months that I knew her did not work for my face at all whatsoever but I've been very happy with the ZO products for sure I do the zone gentle cleanser every morning and night for all skin types. Then I follow that with complexion renewal pads then I throw on some daily power defense. Then after that, because I'm forty years old younger, people may not need this but I put the firming serum over that and if it's daytime I then add on top of that. My revision skin care Intel shade because that has SPF like forty five or something in it and it's tinted. So that is my makeup on top of that. I just put powder blush go walk out the door if it's nighttime, do all that stuff again but I do not put on the tele shade and after the firming serum I add something called growth factor by Zo that's my products wham Bam. Thank you. Ma'am. That's what I do. Consistently there's some other things that I own that are worth investing in that. I use every now and then to help peel away and flake away my skin but I've always been hesitant to share exactly what I use because Zo is a pricier brand but for me, I'm at a place in my life there was a time where I could not afford this at all right now, I happen to be in a place where I can and I like investing in something that's really working for my skin because I can do this at home and maybe not have to invest in certain treatments. So again. This may not be for everybody but since Ruthie asked I thought okay give a rundown but it's not lost on me that this is an more expensive brand carry does give some alternatives maybe you want to invest in the complexion pads and the daily power defense for some good cleaning. After you wash your face whatever drugstore face wash you want to I love Sarah foaming wash it's fourteen dollars from target or Walgreens you could get that and then do some complexion renewal pads and daily power defense on top daily. Power. Defense they say is like the good stuff? It's all the things in there that your skin really needs. So maybe start there but if not don't ever feel pressure to do any of this and then as for the led facemask, I have one that I got on Amazon Amazon favorites, pages, radio, dot com you can click on that and you can find under health and beauty or something my face mask that I use and I do that a couple of nights a week and I do it before I put on. All my products. So I'll wash my face and then I'll go maybe lay in bed for fifteen twenty minutes with it on, and then I'll go put the rest of my products on my face. So Ruthie, that is how I use it in conjunction with my led facemask and quickly, I don't know if Dr Houghton Chiefs Office has an Instagram, but I'll just go ahead and say how you spell his name. In case you're wanting to order stuff from there it's H. A. T. F. Dr Teeth and then again her. INSTAGRAM is at the Nashville beauty girl. K Next question is, from Kristen. Hey, amy I've heard you talking about doing a Bible study a few weeks ago on the bobby bones show do you have a favorite devotional or study guide my sister and mom and I were just talking about starting a mini Bible study I'd appreciate your recommendations which Kristen that's exactly what me and a couple of girlfriends are doing like a little mini Bible study. We ordered a studied called it is well and it's a three week study on anxiety. Supposed to help out with that and we're just going through it on our own, and then every other week were meeting about it. So it's a three week study, but it will probably take us about six weeks to get through it and I'm very excited. So look it up. It's called. It is well, and then this little bonus email question throwing in normally I just do for but this came in from crystal. Random. Question about the sweater that I'm wearing my podcast picture that's kind of white and cream colored with the stripes on the cuffs and the neckline like a rainbow strikes she wanted to know where that was an crystal I got a few years ago from made well, I love made well, jeans my favorite place and then occasionally I find Super Cute tops sweaters I love from there and that is one of my faves for sure I, looked it up and they do not sell it anymore but I found a couple of different versions of it on. Posh Mark. So really really what I typed in was made well cream sweater with rainbow neckline and sleeves like on the wrist and it popped up posh mark so you might be able to find it there if they have in your size which I personally haven't used posh mark but I have a couple of friends that have and they found some really cool things for really great price. So check that out if it's something that you really really want if not. Maybe if you google that, you can find other stores that have something kind of similar. Okay well, that is today's fifth thing. I hope that you'll have a great week and I will be back Thursday with all new episode with four things and keep sending me emails I love hearing from Y'all and check out the fifth thing next Tuesday you never know when your email might pop up or it may pop up in a four things episode four things with Amy Brown at G. Mail Com All right toxin by. Hey it's amy and I don't know about you ready to rediscover the road and I don't care if it's the road less traveled or the same Old Road I'm just ready. Aren't you? Well, if you're looking for some new wheels for your joy Reid, try out the Mazda C X thirty from the innovative features to the unique engineering. The sleek exterior you're GONNA fall in love with all of Mazda's premium cu vs go Mazda USA dot com slash iheart to learn more about the entire Mazda C UV, lineup and available finance options. You know when you get asked that question like what would you take with you to an island? If you can only take one thing I have I have the new thing that I take with me it used to be Mascara it's not that anymore it's a thera gun like I am literally obsessed with my Thera gun I have stress all throughout my body. You probably do too I mean the stress of daily life ways on all of us. You maybe aren't elite athlete maybe you just work out a little bit. Maybe you don't work out at all. You can still have muscle pain and muscle tension. It's a real thing and that's where the Thera gun comes in. That's what I've been using it home and seriously it's amazing my husband and I fight over it. It's this hand-held percussive therapy device and that really releases your deepest muscle tension ever there's depth their speed I mean try for yourself. Try Thera- gun rest free for thirty days. There is no substitute for the Thera Gun Jen for led screen personalized. They're gone APP and the quiet and power that you need starting at only one, hundred, ninety, nine dollars which you gotta do is go to Faira gun dot com slash amy right now to get your gen four thera gun to date that's gone dot com slash amy, their gun dot com slash amy, you will not regret this.

Instagram Mazda Jackie Robinson Chadwick Bozeman Nashville Zo amy Anxiety Bozeman Google dodgers Ruthie Amy Brown amy I Dr Houghton Chiefs Office Kelly CDC
Answering Your Questions (The 5th Thing) (10-08-19)

4 Things with Amy Brown

43:11 min | 1 year ago

Answering Your Questions (The 5th Thing) (10-08-19)

"Health is get a flu shot. A flu shot can help reduce flu illnesses doctor's visits missed work and school and prevents flu related hospitalizations so this flu season B when I'm working out and eating right I start to feel invincible but then October rolls around and I'm reminded that nobody is immune to flu season and when it comes to the flu the best thing that you can do for so he created the dog for a good thing for this family well it's gotten out of control and people are breeding left and right which I think Carl was tied up to be read like but they just never got around to it at least that's what I heard like they were letting her grow up a little bit and sauna rope she has this rescue nonprofit named after her dog keely that she rescued and kilos rescue dogs she's amazing she but did you see the guy that created socar is a Labrador and we rescued this woman at my work Kathy Soul She's amazing this article recently came out about the Creator Labra doodles and he originally bred them for this woman I don't I don't know the details min eventually when they got around to it going to breed her but yeah so anyway she can't puppies anymore we fix that but when we got her so she basically said okay giving the address and she went and got the dog because yes this dog this ladder doodle the WHO we now call she I thought well this is meant to be like because we were there to take care of her and this happened somewhere else they kathy had her groomed and her hair was so grown out and matted that had like grown to her skin and when we got her like half of her like the strike Kara was tied up we took her in then she almost died the first night we had her we walked out into the living room and it was a puddle of just blood or something or the the hair that shed from like a guide dog in those are good like guide dogs for them are therapy dogs or whatever and and I don't know why she won't just lay down but anyway he bred the poodle with the lab and now it's the Labrador and they don't shed and they're hypoallergenic and it's amazing down her back was missing I mean it was terrible like I'm so thankful I still feel like okay you're I feel good about the home we gave you and your amazing like why are you crazy okay so qa happy Tuesday everybody and I have my dog up here with me while we're recording chases severe Jay's is not the dog on this dog through somebody that helps her with her horses like was over her barn working on a horse who's like my cousin has some dog tied up for like a year is my dog in normally she's chill but sometimes she's crazy sometime sometimes she's chill sometimes like I don't know what the deal is with her awesome and spiritual gangster posted it they're like a clothing line sometimes I see them at like Yoga studios but I oh then the kids came down there like mom where's the dog so it was really dramatic getting her kind of felt like when she survived after a week in hospital shoutout Kathy and following them on instagram and they put up a little posted says control alt- delete and it stands for control obviously you know that's on the computer maybe she was blind and or the man was blind somebody was buying in a family but then somebody in the family was also allergic to labs and we thought okay well we'll just take her home with us for a while see how it goes call it fostering if you will and then she died when Ben took her to the emergency room for dogs they you said that you know had another hour pass like she wouldn't have made it she was lifeless when we picked her up Stevenson's wanting to come downstairs that morning and I was like no AH breathing she's not sitting so anyway that is what is happening here and you have a loop Labrador Dole and your labradors that day it was almost like is this for me I need to control all delete myself right now because I was not controlling myself and I maybe she wouldn't have gotten the care right away so just finally gives them into b but then she's really crazy so something like this is not meant to be because she's Nutso so then but I thought this was cute control yourself alter your thoughts delete your negativity that's awesome yeah and I was like negative Nancy when I read this mess we don't even know what happened in we were like a why are they just got her get well we were technically fostering her because we didn't know how our kids we're going to take to her Arolla should've I didn't look up the story I didn't think we're GonNa talk about this main point was going to say if you hear a dog breathing in the background it's car because she won't stop casing and breezy crazy because I I always heard they were so smart and she doesn't listen to me and she's gone to training corset over it and it just is what it is I think last Tuesday oh I need a post that on instagram I don't even know if I brought it up actually they made it worse because then I had to like gather myself and come back in and then the kids went off to do their thing and I was like in the kitchen like scrubbing on my knees every on the out food and I was frustrated and I slammed on milk and it broke and milk everywhere like everywhere so really computer I was like one of those days but Stevenson even Tony's mom and you know he said maybe it was on the bobby bones show today talked about how I slammed almond milk sometimes stuff isn't running in the real time that it happened depending on when we talk about it and I saved the videos causal I dunno or there's something about thirty eight thirty nine I feel different my periods are different my my uh things a little bit of coconut oil here which essentially is what brain octane `as but back Stevenson when he Israel kill okay so you WanNa oh before we get into the Q. and A. I wanted to share something I saw on instagram the thought was you really need to control yourself this is later when we were having talk about it and I said you're right you're right and so this also made me think of that he's really sweet but she is hard core something's something's wrong but I was like well maybe that breeder the guy that bred them was onto something he's like they just got out of control in there a little bit so I'm trying to up my fat intake my healthy fat and take I heard I read that that might help balance me a little bit so been out in some extra brain octane poor vacuum I've seen many ads online and was wondering if you had any experience or maybe even if Kerry natural beauty girl has any input thoughts feeling on the walls on the lamp shade you name it they're kept finding milk Kara who helps kids she'd text me later today she's like there's milk all over what does it caught my. PMS is a little bit different you know my irritability is different I'm just some stuff is just out of control so my hormone and I was like you know what you're right I said thank you for sharing that with me and I said and you know times where you are not yourself because he just the they don't do right sometimes you ended that I can't control it and I'm like what the heck is happening like I know I don't need to be slamming down on the milk on the table out of frustration soy oh also before I get into this I lots of like side stories but my dad I have been with him a lot lately because set some stuff going on I personally have never used a vacuum but this email stood out to me because I immediately went to Google poor vacuum and it's basically a vacuum for your face Roese will probably because of all the breeding that's been happening and crossbreeding and who knows what's going on inside their little brains she's Keith Bell Choose real cute to you know keep it together to take deep breaths he likes to go breathe in and breathe out it's relaxed when he said that to me I was like Oh my gosh well who is the thirty year old woman slamming almond milk on the governor so you know I said I got to be able to use that as an example to him they had a huge tantrum and it's like why it what who is this kid but then I was reminded I needed to alter my thoughts and I was definitely being negative so I needed to handle all that so I thought I would pass it along as anybody else was going through that because it's okay we all have times we're just roll yourself alter your thoughts delete your negativity I think the second part is where like all I can control myself but it's the next to that down or chill out so Stevenson's has lots of cute little things like that okay so anyway we've been rambling here for a minute but I thought the control delete thing was amazing so chase like might as well be honest them good times but he has this he has this thing on his back that is straight out of episode I think the important thing if you're a parent to is that we had to we got to have a real honest conversation about it he was telling me that I really needed to control myself acid- if I get tempted and I decided to order one I will I'll know which one I got I'll talk to you actually you know I see tomorrow is Kerry at the Nashville beauty girl when you say someone's but it's it's like this rage that I feel that I've never I don't know again I've shared with recently that I've posts around premiums it's epic so anyway Dr Pimple Popper said about the poor vacuum is that it's it's good to pull out some already loosen black heads but she has a concern and that's the vacuum strength like if the section is too high it's likely to leave a mark on you so like it'll give your thank you can if you really want to you can but now I feel like it needs to be under the watch of like people care like I don't want anything to get infected it's just it's awesome top this one's from Mali. Hey Amy I was wondering if you ever used or your gagging right now and you want me to stop talking about it so also talking about about one day I will film it do not worry my care this week it was almost like he was giving that to me as a gift like I don't know it was weird because all of a sudden I was like Oh Dad oh like I really wanna pop that and has pores it can just like suck right up and I found an article where Dr Pimple Popper Talked About Him Aka Dr Sandrelli do you know her on a TV show okay so I see her tomorrow I will ask her and give you all an update soon as to whether or not she thinks maybe I should order one or if there's a good one on Amazon to get third washing my face like a year ago Ellie bar soap I don't know but I just felt like I've never had like skincare routine okay that question thank you for that one and next one all right cool this one's from Jennifer Hey amy love your podcasts in the bobby bones show I know you've shared facial care I know I need to step it up as approaching thirty but have no idea where to start any tips yes start something because you're twenty eight your skin is probably like how do you know how you saw me like that and you didn't like it when when I see you like that we don't we don't like it so let's work together to try to remind each other tonight make sure that your moisturizing especially depending on where you live if it's really dry you gotta hydrate hydrate hydrate with water and with you know products yeah but I never really liked struggled with acne or anything when I was younger my husband's forty four and we're just forty four he's not forty four my sister's about okay eighteen like making sure it doesn't even have to be anything crazy just making sure you're washing your face every night your taking off your makeup Carey has been on the Dr Pimple popper except for it has not been extracted and it needs to be and he's had it for a year and I have been I'm sure I've talked about on the podcast and I need to go post it onto my instagram do that now recording but I slammed among I got so irritated at the kids and they ring the most amazing if you're into popping things right now in the pocket either you're into it and right now you're feeling my excitement and you want your like yes video it's amazing where so she's turning forty four no nineteen seventy-six started a skincare some products here and there but I'm hoping you can point me in the right direction I bought an ice roller some excited to start using that but other than that I'm twenty eight years old with no skin care routine ace a Hickey or a little bruise and you may not really wanNA walk around with that so just make sure that it is not too strong if you decide to use one and I'll keep it and like helping them change clothes and doing different things and you know bathing and stuff you love to do to your dad and ever so I was going to say it was just changing clothes I'm doing great and you're thinking like oh I've got all these use it but I mean the earlier you start the better it's going to be everything you can do right now to be proactive for later is great and I would say that starts with me ask before because I've been dying to pop it and for the longest time he was like you can't no no no no and then I think he was so appreciative guess four saying that that is if girls aren't doing that then you know sometimes you can be blessed and maybe not have to but most of us need to wash our face every single I think I would recommend if you don't have a routine washing your face making sure you're moisturizing making sure using SPF. Let's start there twenty eight also I would get on the under eye cream stuff or the that's like the thinnest layer of skin on your face and where you can age the quickest is that area he's forty two texts them he was born in one thousand nine hundred ninety seven do the math okay who's forty four forty four my husband's forty two and he is like struggling simply routine there's this Peter Thomas Roth ones the cucumber ones and they keep in the fridge and then I put him on every morning for like ten minutes in so soothing pill and it really moisturizes and adds a bunch of stuff in there that I feel like my area needs and I feel like because I'm doing it now at thirty eight when I'm forty eight I'm going to be thankful that that is so he's forty two and he really needs to start taking care of us and stuff as Puffy as they used to be an just better and get people might not be able to wear all the time but I just make it part of it a C forty two or forty one I thought he was forty one forty one. My sister's turning from October my sister was nineteen seventy six and it's October take care of it and carries husband's a like a dermatologist dude and I don't know it's kind of scary because not that you can prevent that but you also need to be wearing Graham handled these day at in front of it I think you have to in order to clarify that that's their adult why could say on instagram. She's the Nashville beauty girl but I say that early breast cancer and curious if you've got tested for the mutation gene as well I have not but great question and I do think it's something people need to be talking about more of and I'm glad you got tested I know awesome an email which we kind of cut some emails down when we're reading we did it so at twenty eight you'll be thankful that you started a little something Jennifer and my under eye patches are on my Amazon page which you can find at radio dot com he even has the spot the reason why I'm seeing Kerry tomorrow is because William taking him in because he is the scary spot on his face that might be cancerous and we might need and some people are asking if we had anything for breast cancer awareness like pimp enjoyer and right now we don't or a SPA L. it but is the beauty counter and already have a friend that sells it so I'm good I got the hookup I'll buy through her but beatty counter are you familiar with beauty counter and then if anybody else is listening and you didn't know that the BRCA gene mutation gene like a test for that existed then but again it doesn't have to be anything crazy expensive and you know a a line I really want to look into and I know once I say this I'm probably going to start getting all the emails because a lot of people hopefully this may encourage you to look into it do your research and maybe go get tested if breast cancer does run your family especially since it's October which is breast cancer awareness month that's my next thought in a skincare routine is you need to wear sunscreen every day ever warn you have chase the distinctions are running your family nothing there are this next one is from Lindsey and she's Amy I've been following your journey since your Mama's diagnosed with cancer and now your father both had cancer but not not breast so but I mean doesn't mean I probably shouldn't just go get tested just to have knowledge of what's going on my body because my dad was you know fighting cancer and he was inspiration behind the cancer fighter tote and that's how I felt like at the time he was getting chemo list comes from a focus on the journey itself the fifty minutes punching bag instead of scrolling instagram the yoga class shared with a friend the ninety minutes a piece for the new mom in her hairdresser mind body dot ie slash pot two Wednesday afternoon acupuncture Saturday at the Spa Wellness is not a destination it's an experience go to mind body I o slash pod to learn more that's flew fighter with a flu shot from Walgreens it's your shot to protect you and the ones you love just stop into your neighborhood walgreens no appointment is needed and it's free to you most insurance we have the cancer fighter tote in its in pink which is perfect says Chemo radiation cancer you've said you've been worried about having cancer runs in your family I just got tested for the B. R. C. A. Gene a few weeks ago because I also have cancer in the family primer era of bins and my husband and a dozen mine so dumb but yeah I've never so it can get kind of sprinkly and I were under eyepatches all the time and I I don't know if it's placebo but I do feel like my under is our like specifically but we do have like if you're just looking for little gifts to give to people in your life that you know to support them care of it and that's about being proactive I think is if we can be as proactive with our bodies as possible that's amazing breast cancer does not run in my family so I have not been tested for that the answer and then the money goes to cancer research in Haiti or cancer caused in Haiti so anyway that's a pink option we used to have some I'm just for sake of time but I know you mentioned you're waiting on your results so hope you get good news but you know whatever it is you you can handle it and and what's the difference between people who prioritize self care and to the fitness and wellness opportunities that matter most you decide what wellness means to you and the mind body APP lets you find book and pay all in one place for Monday night spin we'll have to see if we still have them at the Mary had pimp and joy totes and their pink so sometimes those are available if you're looking for something paints chair the well earned massage after a crazy month that work mind body knows that health and wellness are no longer about checking a box that's why they built the mind body APP to bring you closer Sudan is it finally fitting into their skinny jeans is it Vanity Superior Willpower fat bank account at mind body they know it's none of those things mind body understands the true back to wear but just FYI that's little we were getting questions for you're doing anything specific and we're not but thank you for the question suck it suck it on the to- I forget sometimes how dramatic that is but at the time that we thought of it it was actually pretty amazing Gatien and we just like suck it this report over to pull over to but the but the tote is pink so that fits in with breasts this one's coming to you from Caitlyn you've spoken in the past about avoiding dairy products and I was wondering if you could speak a bit on how you cut it out and what your experience afterwards this was as far as feeling better I've read it helps a lot with clearing up your skin and bloating but I was just curious how you felt without it I feel way better without dairy that's just the real truth repeat pimp enjoy style pullover is back in stock and that was limited and low for a long time and it's perfect for fall because it's like Red Orange Yellow Cute pink and tank tops and stuff as we're entering fall you may want something more long sleeve and since we're talking about fall Mary did tell me that the retro unless you eliminate it and then you bring it back in you're like oh I realize that I'm pretty sure I feel great do you drink milk like from Macau and it's retro P it's so cute so when we created when we supported canines for warriors and ended up buying service dogs for people because Kite Hill it's almond milk yogurt or company and they make a yogurt that is so yummy a Greek style and it is delicious I'm just saying for SEC for you okay next cool the last one is from Rebecca Hey amy what is it lumber or lumbar pillow lumbar lumbar pillow are you using feel maybe it literally doesn't affect you I can only speak to my experience but I just checked on the website for pimping joy and we do have and my face did clear up like there was a lot of things I changed my diet around the time that I limited dairy so it's like Oh could I when I do because I've been without dairy for so long when I do add it back in for Kasianov this or that I can feel it and I can see it so like because you're wondering I still feel great after partaking in cheese board so you do are you sure I mean but sometimes you don't the pink tot- which is super cute and there's also like some shirts that have pink incorporated in them like some baseball teas that are we bought this pimp enjoy retro line and it is up so you can find that pimp enjoy stuff radio DOT COM to access it but or the shot four dot com whatever good sharp cheddar cheese board but I didn't like how I felt after I enjoyed a good cheese board so it's kind of like if the way how how do you feel you're trying to wean yourself off of cheese just cut it straight to goat if you like the texture and taste of goat which lucky me I do but I also really loved I tried to make sure it's really quality ingredients or sometimes I have it if I'm just eating total crap and that's just the honest truth it sneaks its way in there talking about using one and I'm old and I just wake up feeling terrible need some relief okay I don't know I think you might be talking about the little mini also are we done with this that's pretty much to say about milk I think or dairy products in general is that yes I saw a change in myself and my body and how I feel support cows on our yeah yeah you support them in you also eat them chases family has cows that they sell for the World Oh and I now I know my body's reacting to the fact that I had the dairy if I do consume it now again try to make it go or if I'm going to have something also tested out everybody's body's different so you gotta just do you do you you gotta try eliminate from your diet for a little bit see how you feel Atta beckons both fine but the one that I originally got was the swirly one but I put up another option just in case they sell out again an Amazon stuff again is time one of them sold out but the one I have is the marble one that's like swirly turquoise and black you'll see it in the picture and then the other one is just black get to that one specific thing or that I also increased my vegetables significantly and quit eating meat and there was all these things but I will I do know this and I will tell you that so like do you drink whole milk cow milk oh yeah when I drink milk I don't drink a lot of milk oh you don't know you don't put it in smoothies or anything no infinity role saying that I ordered on Amazon it's not a lumbar pillow but I mean it's like this really tiny looking how would you describe this well I don't have it pulled up anymore radio dot com to be feeding people know that now but sometimes if you're multitasking while you listen to podcasts which I do all the time I miss things that she no longer can listen because she's learned some things about me on my podcast and I made Nashville's whatever that's why I was just repeating and sometimes people are still like you have a website like last week ben my very own husband did not know how to website also with that sad talk about this but she just said she learn things on my podcast like she's listened to the bobby bones show since two thousand and thirteen I think that's what you're referring to because I sit with it like I put it behind my back in my chair while I'm working and sometimes I lay on but not really embed I just L. Dot com I do get like a really mean email in regard what was the topic the podcast we lost a listener on the floor I'll put it down and put it in my back or wherever there's like a pressure point where it hurts and it helps massage it and it's amazing and it's portable like you can pack you can travel with eating disorders get Bo talks there's another one oh have premarital sex that I could have ever been nominated for something like that nor can she listen to my podcast anymore because she doesn't think that beautiful people shoot have take this pre menopausal thing is going to be really good for the show Oh the Greek yogurt okay for Macau Okay Hill also did not know how was this episode but I just got confused because I was thinking about my sister's birthday and their their friends like I only know my husband because wrinkles so there's that and then the eating disorder thing really threw me she's like I just want to listen to a podcast that really sends me on a wellness journey that tallest and she's like I'm sorry but you probably by the way that it's awesome but yeah go ahead thank you I think maybe I in and I talked about well first of all my husband and I did not have sex before we got married with each other we made the decision all we've lost to in the past what's the other one we lost there was one you got like last that means we've lost a way more because some people are just going to quit listening will definitely donates with me which I get that may not be part of everybody's wellness journey Oh the other thing was she can look elsewhere what else oh the bill have you seen it that little it's like it looks like to ball like to force to to like what are those rocky falls and she really is looking for these are all things she's learned about me over a course of a year it's only going to talk about Botox every episode by any means but I have that we weren't going to right so but but I had a boyfriend in the past that I had and it was I didn't stirs then I was like well is he her age have no words no words pleaded it because I was like I just don't need this negative all but just in a nutshell she what's Berta is that she doesn't ah you know I wish I could rather be honest about it then like one day have wrinkles in my forehead and then another day be like oh well just you know me me and my forehead we just had it just little bitty teeny tiny foam roller a good deep tissue that's what they call herself and that is also on by Amazon page there's two that I put on there because one so genuine and honest and do all of that sharing with good intention on Hitchin some people may not find me genuine I know that were that was not part of the original plan but it ended up happening and I'm being honest about it but it doesn't mean that has to if you want to go back to your original plan oh we're almost done is there an end on I think it's a good question y'all can keep sending on four things with Amy Brown g for a while now people will ask if they know we're friends you know what she really like and I'm like she is literally exactly what you think she's like I am at the time I didn't WanNa even I mean it was I didn't want to do that it was consensual obviously but it was one of those own in certain things and I for whatever reason ended up on this crazy journey where on the bobby bones show never thought that would be and so there's only been two now that means there's been

flu Nashville Amy I Graham Peter Thomas Roth Amazon Jennifer Kerry William milk one day twenty eight years ninety minutes fifty minutes ten minutes thirty year
Answering Your Questions (The 5th Thing) (6-30-20)

4 Things with Amy Brown

19:41 min | 7 months ago

Answering Your Questions (The 5th Thing) (6-30-20)

"Here's something. Good is a new show from Seneca women in iheartradio. It's a great way to start your day on the positive side of life in times like these, we may find ourselves worrying that even the simplest tasks negative consequence, but here's something good. We spoke to Mary Johnson scientists from tied a detergent. We've relied on for seventy five years in this episode. She shares valuable tips for how to do laundry. In the time of Corona, one less thing to worry about for more tips and a coupon tied go to tie dot com slash podcasts. Happy Tuesday, everybody, it's just me for this. One got no chase. No Mary no been nobody here to join me to read the questions actually starting vacation this week, which super excited about not on vacation yet still doing a lot of work, but trying to get all my ducks in a row, said that when I do, go to Colorado later this week. I can actually relax and I. think that that's super important. Whatever that looks like for you like. If you actually have time that you can take off your intentional about. Having that time I just think it's super important. I'm excited to connect with my family and my kids and being Colorado and just have a good time, so my hope is that at some point this summer? A lot of you get to do that whatever that looks like for you and as you know on Tuesday episodes for the fifth thing we start off with a quote and the one I pulled. Today is about patients and I knew I wanted to share. What about patients because? I was just incredibly impressed with my dad this last. Weekend when I saw him if you don't know, he lives in an assisted living home and has been quarantined there since early to mid March or whenever they you know. Everything started to get really crazy with corona virus and I had no idea at the time that the last time he came over to my house, and we hung out, and I hugged him that that would be the last time for a very long time, and we still don't know when he'll be allowed to leave or will be. Be Able to hang out and he's just been incredibly patient this whole time. He has had a great attitude. I can't even imagine what it's like for him. Not being able to see us and really just confined to his room, he does get to make an appointment to come down if we want to hang out and I talked to him through a glass window like I'm outside, he's inside. And of course we take the kids and we've got a little thirty minute. Hang time with him, but. It's like it's gotta be so hard. and. I just thought. Wow, he is so patient, and then I saw this quote about patients. It's unknown, but assess patients is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. And for me, my dad has just been the perfect example of that, so I wanted to give him a little shoutout here because I'm super proud of him and his good attitude. While we have to wait through this, but also that I want to channel some of his. Some of his patients, and positively because he does have a good. Overall about this whole thing, and I know that sometimes I don't so if you are realized that about yourself, just know that you're not alone and it's okay. It's okay to have those moments, but just beer wear, and let's try to practice patients than we can. Marine are actually. Talking about the gratitude journal, the second version that we're going to be putting out soon. We're working on putting it together right now, and I think we're going to include the fruits of the spirit. As as one of the things we put quotes in. Our last journal we quotes all throughout, and then this one will have quotes in there just quotes to remind you to inspire you. Encourage you and. No matter! What your belief system is I really I I like being able to focus on. The fruit of the spirit. which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. which are only don't have all those and check out all the time, but sometimes if I'm really having a moment and I i. I remember I started doing this back in my north. Carolina days whenever my husband was deployed and I just. Felt overwhelmed sometimes by things being alone and. Him being in Afghanistan or whatever and I just remember always repeating myself love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentlest, faithless self-control, which and over and over. Maybe that would be a good little thing that I could pass along to you all to use in your life as well, but focusing on patients for this today and again that quote is patients is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good. While waiting, but oh which? Waiting to feel like I have all these like dots sharing with y'all? Sheera made her little a SPA bracelets, which means hope in Haitian creole and we put them up on Sunday night at eight PM Central and they sold out in two minutes, and there was over one hundred of them, and she works so hard on them. That's my daughter. She's you know this well. She's just now thirteen. She made twelve when she was making some of these because it took us a while to put him up in fact when I told her. Oh my Gosh! This year. They sold out in two minutes. She goes WHOA. WHOA Gosh. It took so long to put them up and put them for sale like she wanted us to get them up and get him out right after she makes them, but there's a lot that goes into that and there's websites stuff, and then other stuff that we have selling. And then there's Ashley and Mary go through, and they check the sizes on all of them, and then they put tags on them and stuff. Share assigned each tag, so it's not as easy as just throwing them up on a website whenever we want. But. They sold out super quickly and I know that a lot of people were disappointed that they didn't get one, but they've. Overall we've you've sent a nice messages saying how cool it is, and how happy are for Studier that she sells out and you know she's learning how to be a little entrepreneur and have her bracelet business and then. Donate money to the orphanage where she grew up in Haiti So it's it's really awesome. And how supportive y'all are. If you happen to shop with us on shop, a SPA and by her bracelets, or maybe even her empowered women t where it's her handwriting, but. Patience is key on that one, too. Because I did get some kind of weird notes. Where people were mad, they didn't get one and they got disappointed. Ones, which is fine, being disappointed in bummed owl, and waiting for the next round one thing. Getting mad that the bracelets sold out, and you were ready and your online and you had it in your car, and then it sold out. We can't do anything about that so I would say. If you're feeling that way whether it's about. One of Russia's SPA bracelets, or maybe not being able to see a family member during corona, virus or having be patient about whatever else in life. Just remember that patients is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting and that stuff zero will be making more bracelets soon, so there's that Let's get into the first question from Tiffany I know you're going on vacation soon. Will you be taking any good books to read with you? If so what I'm looking for? Some good ones for my trip also, are there any thoughts on you starting a book club for the podcast? Okay, so tiffany for my vacation I ordered the ballot of songbirds and snakes. It's a Prequel in the hunger games series. It goes back sixty four years. For what we were reading, you know if you read the first series and I was obsessed with the first three bucks, and they came out years ago, so obsessed that I made the bobby bones show. The Hunger Games movie trailer for the first movie that came out and I actually posted that video on my instagram and I went and checked to see the date. In case you want to go back and watch it and it was April twenty ninth that I posted it if you want to scroll back and watch it, I'm very proud of my work on that because I mean I worked on that scene for scene mimicked it. We did not miss a beat and it was so fun. But I would say that I chose this book because it's fiction and I can escape a little, which is what vacation is all about? I'm still going to keep up with some of the anti-racists books that I'm working through right now, but I think it's important to mix it up especially when you're on a trip or you're trying to relax a vacation so for me. The ballad of Song Birds Snakes. It is I ordered it. I ordered the actual book, but if you want, try it on audible, I don't think that there's anything wrong with consuming book that way especially if you're on a trip, and maybe you're you go on a long hike or whatever that looks like for you which we do, have an audible thing for. For the shown, you can do audible dot com slash amy be I. Don't know the don't know that that does anything for you, but just heads up. If you're gonNA, do audible. Anyway you can do that and then that helps support what we're doing here, but this part is not really a legit commercial, but just a heads up and then as for Book Club. We don't I don't have that figured out yet. Mary and I talk about it. I know. She ordered the ballot of Song, birds and snakes. Maybe we can do that. I know. I talked about wanting to do it when we started reading. How to be an anti-racist or white for Jill Dougherty, I mean that's important stuff for sure. I just I. Don't really know how to coordinate it. And I've even had some of you. E mail in an offer to help coordinate, which is super kind, but I also know if I'm going to do something I want to have figured out and I also want to be able to commit to it, and I don't know that I'm ready to add something else to my plate right now, so noble club, but for now that's my book recommendation for you. Next question is from Lisa. Hey. Amy I was wondering if you had any recommendations where to get a great swimsuit while I was just at target and I saw some super cute ones there which? Now I'm talking about target I know this isn't swimsuits, but I need to tell you all about a skirt. That I also disorder from there. That's so cute and I found it because I follow at loves everything on target. Follow her it's Ashley. She works with Mary at the shot. Ford. It's awesome I wouldn't have found the skirt if she hadn't posted about it and done a swipe up, so I swiped up immediately and ordered it and I got it in, and it's adorable, so at loves everything on target. Follow her because she she'll find the cute things at target for you, but the skirt is who what where and it's like a women's mocked ruffle skirt. If you just google that, because it's not on lobs, everything's targets swipe up anymore, but mocked ruffle skirt for from who what where and you'll find it. I got the black. Black one with the little pinky. Peachy, little belief thing is on it i. don't really know what they are, but it is so cute and you need that in your life, and then you need to follow her her target account because she finds cute things and hey, that's just helpful because I wouldn't ever found that skirt and I. Don't have time for that and I love that she loves target other swim brands that I own in like are lucky brand. They always tend to have some cute ones for love and lemons is so cute, but I will say sometimes the, but on those or a little, too. Cool for me like they only cover half the, but and but here's what I do on that. If I, if I'm not that sexy per se, I just get acute skirt and put it around and I wear that, and then it's fine, because sometimes if your mom, you don't really feel like you can pull it off with your if you're a mom that you can pull it off great, but I gotta swimsuit like that. I wore it to the beach last. September we went for my husband's birthday for Labor Day, and We. I felt weird being around my kids, but that's me. That's not me saying that that's how everybody should be. But I got a little skirt rap to go over. It and I felt totally fine i. also saw the urban outfitters has some cute swimsuits? ooh, made well as another brand to check out and then I'm also a good American fan when it comes to their genes, and they just recently dropped a line of swimwear last week. I haven't ordered anything though so I can't speak to. It I feel like it falls into that like really sexy category. Don't know it's my style, but they did have some cute cover-ups that I saw posted on instagram. And so I'm sure they're swimsuits. Fit really well. It seems like Khloe. Kardashian, who runs that company and all the women that are involved? They're all about. Things fitting. All kinds of women really really well, so shout out to them for that, but that's all I got when it comes to swimsuit recommendations I know it wasn't like very specific super helpful. I haven't even bought anything this year. Swimsuit wise I'll probably just keep re wearing what I wore last year. next question is from nick a few weekends ago. You posted Stevenson writing some electric scooter that he sits down on. What was that I need it for my kids well first of all shout, Nick! If you're a guy and you're listening to podcasts, thank you. And thanks representing the guys sitting in a question, because sometimes I honestly I do I'm bad at this. I think I'm just talking to women when I picture y'all feel like I'm just speaking to you and it's all women, but I need to remember that sometimes there's men listening to so shutout Nick and Stevenson's little scooter thing is role play twelve nighthawk electric ride on toy, so I know that's a lot to take in, but it really is the most fun thing. We got it for him for Christmas, and he loves it and I went ahead and added it to my Amazon page for y'all. That way you're buying the correct one in you can go to radio DOT COM to get a link to my Amazon page because it's so cool. I didn't think he was going to love it as much as he does and he. Loves it, oh. You know what else I just added to. My Amazon page to while I'm talking about that is headbands. There's two packages of headbands that I recently ordered and I've had been on Instagram when I'm wearing them and I've gotten questions. or where did you get those? So I went ahead and linked them. and the like fourteen, ninety nine for three pack ones polka dots. I think in another one is more like Paisley type cute I don't know they're adorable, so they're up on Amazon page. Next question is from Brooke Hey I saw your instagram story of stuff, Sheera, watering a garden in your backyard and I. I was wondering what Y'all were growing. I'm in Nashville and I want to start my own garden, but I'm not sure what will grow well. First of all Brooke were not gardening experts, so if you're doing like a real garden garden toe, don't look to us on what to grow in town, but in the little box garden that we did it was awesome. We've got salon show. Meant I guess I'm speaking in terms because we moved and it didn't. The garden survived the move, but before we moved, it was great, and we want to start a new garden at our new house, but we had salon. tro meant tomatoes peppers. Can't really remember what else, but the herbs they grow like crazy, which is awesome? You can just go outside and clip them and stuff. Shiro loved being able to go do that and grab fresh men or grab fresh, Cilantro. She would be out there. Watering it and we would make homemade mint tea, and then we did Salsa one day, which then turned into an activity with the kids because we. took the ingredients from the garden brought it inside pulled up a homemade recipe. Then they chopped everything, and they were a part of it, which was really fun so I I recommend it. It definitely got my kids eating some things that they herbs and stuff that they normally weren't into. Maybe if I had just gone to the grocery store and then tried to feed it to them. If that makes sense, there's something about them taking care of it and realizing like Oh. This is so cool and that that's it good. Luck with your garden. I. Think it's Super Fun I wanted a legit big garden. I'm there yet, but maybe one day we do in our new house like we do have the space for maybe something in our yard, but I just got a I got to figure it out I. Know here Nashville to. There's somebody that does like these barrel gardens. Harvest One oh seven! They do work in Haiti, but they originate from Nashville and I think they did barrel things, but they're not here anymore, but there's somebody else that I follow, and now I can't think of what it is, but I'm sure if you ask around town, no matter where you live, you can find different ways to garden at home without having to actually dig up garden in your backyard, like by doing the barrels or the the bins like we got from home. Depot or Lowe's or whatever? Oh while I'm speaking about food. This is also another thing that's like not a commercial at all. They don't even know who I am, but I am so obsessed with daily harvest right now. I just feel like it's my duty to let y'all know about things that I love and I feel like everything that I'm ordering all the vegetables that are in the lot of the dishes. Dishes that I'm cooking up is giving me a variety of nutrients and I don't have a kitchen sink right now. Because we put a new kitchen countertops at our new house in the sink I ordered was the faucet was on delays. So now there's no plumbing in there right now and I can't cook in its come in Ca- lunch and my husband likes him my kids. They haven't really had any but my and I. Eat off them like crazy and again they don. Dailey. They don't even know who I am but I'm such a fan. The maybe one day they will know and maybe they'll do some things with me I don't know because I'm I'm obsessed and I found about them found out about them because I saw different people posting about them on instagram and I was like. Oh, are they really that good? And then my friend Lisa posted about on out. Out The wellness cities and I thought Wolf Lisa's saying they're good, and they must be good and I feel like. It's saving money on our grocery bill and again just giving me a variety of nutrients that I wouldn't otherwise go to the grocery store and buy because I. Don't really know how to cook them, or then it would go to waste I. Don't know so. That's just my little. Food tip for y'all to. Since you're talking about a garden all right I hope y'all have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you on Thursday's episode. I've got a fun one for you. I have a four different girlfriends coming on for four totally different things and I just think it's going to be fun to feature some of my girls and talk about different topics, so that will load up on Thursday morning. Make sure that you're subscribed to four things with Amy Brown at g mail, Dot Com, and then I wait. No, that's the email. You subscribe at. Four things with Amy Brown wherever you listen to podcasts, but then you send me emails at four things. Amy Brown Edgy Melt. Dot Com so semi or notes semi your thoughts, suggestions or questions and that way. We've got some good stuff for you here on the QNA. When we pull them together or email shoutouts for the Thursday episodes all right bye.

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E8 - Don't Tell Her You Love Her! (with Joel Dommett)

Love Island: The Morning After

26:37 min | 1 year ago

E8 - Don't Tell Her You Love Her! (with Joel Dommett)

"Correo. We'd be Mahal. Oh, friends. Sorry, it's a half girlfriend. Please talk me through this. So I mean curse now they're Hof boyfriend and girlfriend Lucian show, taking up thinking, I need a Hof girlfriend, so we cannot shale which love and have snacks, you can make T's every night. So I think that could what we are. Violent the morning after sponsored by breeds. Oh my heart just feels so warm, ever-mounting episode. I think me being the most lovely one yet until the end it looks he's going to be drama to new gals Hayden into two nines. I know. Right. And they look awful, not before we get into all of that. Let's introduce our guest today is Joel. If you to come on. I'm very exciting juicy. Use. It doesn't mice my name because if I said you into Levada she hates absolutely terrible. Fresh from Fashir after sun straight on the podcast. Hates it before we get into over over us so far because you only got nearly two weeks in I just absolute love it. I love it. It's just the best thing, because it just gives me something to do in my life. You know, feels like a full because I have a real job level of feels like a job. Feel psych job familiar over the summer nine to five, like, feel like Honey to pay tax on this at the end of finished ROY. Let's get straight into last night. We saw two new goes going. Both brunette one said, I'm looking for a husband and the other one's hit the guys aren't gonna know was here when I woke in, and thinking, if he's your husband could be he thinks could be swayed Antonis Bart Anton could be could be swayed by a small breeze. Yeah. He's, I'm just Joe. I really think someone kind for case do you know why? Because not everyone is necessarily looking for that perfect. Some people wanna rock. Halio bear off the another of radionow sky. I personally think that is, is going to have a rocky road than we think he's going to have to. I mean, I'm just I'm just putting this out there, you know, 'cause loss Jit you remember Laura and Wes. Right. I was all lovey Dory. Arm. I got this amazing. And I think something is, is as a foot, I think Lehrer on someone's gonna come in. They gonna get really well, they are amazing conversation. His head's going to be it's going to be the biggest TV upset upset since since Howard idle neighbors. And as you parents kids. Food cue to about aiming. These two bomb shows they're coming in rock out. They're probably going to get to type paper on the run guys. The likelihood of is going to be told me. Want to tell me out? Yeah. And you know what? I don't think told me Molly mayor that strove. No absolutely not. That is an easy target. Yes. Anyone coming in. I think that both pretended and also as we know like Tommy is, basically like he, he is the word for told me as as either. I will or you tired, because he likes to spend his head a bit doesn't even someone new comes in. He like he went from crawling to them in back of Lizzie. Good books. Yeah. Because he's got away. Around doesn't get punched. Yes. That's that in the long run. I mean, I can't believe depend there. The long arms came. Oh, really? It took about after CASA keep of up a mild obsession. This is clever thing with told me is the boys love him. I'm women of to your ever loves him. You know about him when he first winning now for it was going to be just didn't think he was going to beat up if a softy lucky. Very tissue sometimes, yeah. Turn. These Bs are self details because the right thing he's good. He's a nice guy. Did he say he likes lawns? That was types. He might not be swayed by T brunette. I'm sure you know, may are normally I'm a NAS car on the podcast of some of the absolute knob. Sometimes have to just be honest. I just I don't know something about Molly may are just food are pine afield massively really, really massively, and our sweats recarpeted now genuine, genuinely couldn't tell you have to pay. She other even know she's going to pick Shinichi to speak. So everyone, I think she is out son, Lutely loving it. She is like a of the tension, if tough thing on Friday. Do you think bombshells would be staying in the villa? We may not see much of them by de think there's opportunity. There isn't a offering at the moment, would you Joe often case, and Amy I do think they are. Yes. Who's who's in the balance often Kerr's, Ramia, solid, Jarrah Lucius. And I'll reading Michael amber, Saul. Can we talk about lumber for second? Listen. Like we're wolf Ling. Amy because we're going to go through the couples being. Abyan crisis. Shared love the night in high debate and not much sexually time where we surprised by that feel like they so sweet, they just like let lovely beautiful teenagers frolicking in a field the most beautiful. It's like musicals written about them. Didn't get the half girlfriend thing at Fallon that half-hearted. I also feel the pressure to understand my ever feels the pressure of having that conversation like if it's going, well, it's going to clearly they're not going to get with other people right now. Are they? Well, why did you have to have like hang a title over it? You're offering the hall boyfriend Hof gopher things a little bit unnecessary because think a still so early just enjoy the beginning stages. You got the high for the knob. I guess they just excited he was very very nervous. Look, look, how much you star in feel like I won't. This move. Thank you should applaud in this space. They've been in the villa for a while now it's the height of eighty spoke start speaking to her. She had a little show on. All the it sounds like it, does UT just because you guys she she did get her sexy pajamas on their great. They didn't have sex. But that's fine. They describe themselves the mom and dad Avila's. Maybe they just like keeping it clean. Keeping all the of the kids in the villa today as they are the sweetest, I, I want them to be my parents. And if I was their parents are very proud of them, you know, that's wonderful. I wouldn't just late seen something we bit more like you wanted to go second base. I feel like if you really fancy someone this last year by, in Coppell feel like if you genuinely fallen someone they could have been the first couple ever in the hideaway to get out of book. Yeah, he would be in the first couple in there to read a poem. Yeah. Just sit there reading poems to her. Things back into the variety Coutts anything we'd overview. Millions watching. Room chamber, like a sinus, or just anything sexy down. The much muchly pointed that more dancing hasn't featured in the villa to be actually because like he hasn't really don't. The bucking Bronco challenge. Lucian Joe also kind of became exclusive on the China about how now going to die anyone else, and we should call it, what it I. It was very strange. Wasn't it like she got a bit? Let's first enlisted speech the girls anymore. And so, I thought, well, actually that's a fair enough common. And then it went straight to the beach going, we'll, I think she just under way today. Why does that matter? What is it? Not so well, is that be happy for the people does not mean the Amy's thinking about what people are thinking about how hiring cuts this is a bit. I think she's thinking about how the view is of viewing it to home, and this may be as she's thinking, like, oh, episode. It didn't come across as offensive as. There is nothing worse than like say comes over guys. Engage. And then we'll goes, hey girls. I'm pregnant war wasn't like a big boyfriend girlfriend ceremony. It was it was it was moved between them. We're going to be Hof. Boyfriend Gail from wherever you coudl that's on this anyway. In someone say the and they're a little bit annoyed offering is move for your own site. Robert, and anyone else just because we're at that point now where people are selling done. Nine nine days long sought and like we say it's quite intense in there. Nine days must be like a month. Right. Is just kind of thing think. You know, sometimes people in relationships, it's, it's funny because I'm getting married in September. An is the best thing of, and we've realized with other people getting married, they get so possessive about relationships and stuff, and the, like you people like it's my day day. Person feel like she's getting a bit long. Who's? Hall, bill. Yes. Fast ever relationship. Relationship. She's already turned into a bridezilla. Well, we've got our Cami. We've juicy juicy date was quite cute. Would you don't let me off the boys won't even before you went to telly? Say to me to tell you don't do it don't just Graham pressure money that isn't it? It's yeah, they I mean, I've, I'm not I'm not sold on them personally, we'll hear you convinced by more Amy and coaches, or juicy I'm more convinced by because I really want aiming to last the distance, I would love to be friends with them and be I'm just not convinced by the name, juicy do I think that trying to push it that trying to push themselves, like is up to me, and you can, isn't it? It's come up with. We make the names guys not you say on Cami, for example, is still waiting for its car. There is going to happen. There's no there's nothing worse than someone's trying to start their own nickname in school. Danial state. Somebody MSN name, hotmail. A nickname is meant to be like, less than you're normally. But your name is one syllable. That dealer. Von funny move super soldier won't work. My main was little, Scott's, baby. Really? They'll skulls, baby. It's not silence. We think. Right. Because. Es able Joe's really full on Lucy doesn't give a lot year. I don't know if it's just a little bit different because do think Jodi likes of it. He seems to be him. This kind of coming out of the kind of intense laws. She's like he was asking to go in the family holiday. I'm I'm not she more into juicy than I am Cami. And this is gonna come back on me. But I just think they're playful. He's genuine the answer. I think she is into him, but she was like just took a little bit of a step back after the whole situation, but I think like facing select open. She sees him. They had like a proper snow. They seem to find a low of in Kalman's -gether. He managed to get his knees in the board, which I think was a moment was that level we when we first saw Lucy to begin with all the guards author? I want the biggest fan because I thought she was playing field a little bit. But now, now, she's in the con of in the couple in that we more of a lot softer side of it more sweeter. She's, she's invested in continous thirty year ahead getting turn straightaway. You just don't know. He's, he's a really nice girl. Yes. It was. She she is. She feels like she's quite a so loyal person. I I personally anyone does Shay. No. But that's gang in the way, I think she wants Tommy. Oh, really? The aren't they do have a lot of body, contact time and told me totally retire together. Hanta thighs, and actually, but then we had Callum in the podcast, and he said, she is actually just genuinely quite touchy feely. Our soak into, and she was lying on the bed with the guy that folks, she was going to guy with instead of me he was touching. I would be diving in between the fair enough and I think they'll go the distance and I think they might go onto win over Cami dancing. The win it. But I think you're right. I think they will go to distance, so passively. I think both go the distance and Lucy will do it with gritted though. Guys, I'll think well thing is, is that you need to see too often to get invested in a couple, you've got him bit off. I agree. He's. Off inc. If all the couple state now, I couldn't pick a winner and every year, we watch it we always, we kind of route infra someone you have to say it. So I think we won't know until couples job Lucy remark who I mean, I something like go into different villa or someone coming in and of take him away for a couple of is that when you go, I love this couple because they stocked in different at the moment is just kind of it lot, yet Backley. We mean they needed journey. They need that classic x factor. And it's like you can't just be on from day one. We have ever Johnny, though, for my what I think. I am here for I knew Michael's at my favorite really high. And I just love them together. She like YouTube discussing remorse like. I know she's like she's paying a game Bubba. No. I think she played really well. She cleaned like Michael, Michael licks of helix. Everyone thought he was a player. So she cats away from him just to sauce. She's not given. Like she said, she's not going to put all our cards and one table. And then he went in, I guess she wouldn't do it because she wanted Minty fresh breath, which is a thing I respect from gal. And then they had the mother vocab is the nation's hearts, warmed incite. Yeah, it was a real journey in one episode. It was a hell of a journey because. Yeah, we see in of a different side, Ambani's took a while face just completely lights up like she is she, she has a very beautiful, obviously. But just a resting bitch face is very just down. And. And so this, so nice with her because she had no polka face. So it's like you know exactly what face all times and Besser lovely about her as you know, when she's happy and actually, I'd only ever seen her happy and smile much when she talked to Joe previously, I feel like she had a little weird thing for Joe in the stone. And then she's go along is it's so nice. I wish she just kind of let go of it just she needs to be. Like a couple of the more and more. She does and emotion takes time with the more it's going to be seeing her find someone. It's kind of if you end they won't hurt to find on because we see in Shashi is, I think we didn't really expect that with amber. Now, she is a bit Shah. I just reading not Marco as well. My favorite moment of the whole thing is when he was like, oh, really? Really nervous. And she's like why being soft for say. Because he was to, like, put it on her. And she was like, not. This is going to be any easy fit for you. Like I need to still Sasha, right? Still, I'm not gonna let you just dive in. I know you're saying guards and a bit. But no, I I get why staying on a get should one doesn't like she says she's never been rejected before not as why. Because she always sauces before she dies into it. And I think that's a good thing is looking after yourself is. But also, you've got yourself a little bit. Like I'm not saying she needs to just knock down some walls. I'm not saying knock down an entire house. I just wanna Nope implant kitchen. Yeah. Literally anything the moment we not boat. Locked we get the front door. The mother house looks golden many different rooms just like no those walls out. Combining died in Rome with your kitchen, view foil fought. She got about twenty Grazia house. Okay. You know he was excited. Okay. I love Michael, I'm trying to says, I love Michael. Joe saying could be appropriate developer. Oughta see, I would I would burned on my own house. So he saves me love Marco. The morning after sponsored by breeze. Danny boy tour between Yuan day. Molly school for you. I really wanted to go for you. And I think he's going to. I think Mali's gopher Tommy. So it could work out. Okay. Yeah. 'cause I think Molly meantime, we were having some proper laws. Haven't seen have that Danny Donnie, though, he was not being as bad as Molly Mayne, keeping his options open. But he said to you on day, and I really like really like I've not anyone else as much with you don't play games in the next breath. We seem saying money may in what she said, I really want to get to know you, having to you more haven't talked to you want to get to know you more on a keep seeing you on the villa. I'm wanting to speak to you. Me back to you and I. Clicked on a Monte, click in the same way compared, you can out of you. My your mind keeps us saying he says keep seeing you're on the village. There's like twelve people. It's like a one house. Five room. Yeah. Bencher. You're going to see everyone might toilet. I'm to put if Donny or Yuan, d had to choice getting choose each other, and every recoupling. Yeah. I think so to see them smoking ready. Yeah. I think it's a great couple, it's I think it's great. And I think also, I think Molly may is really likes Tommy, I personally think she's kind of playing the field of bit because she likes the attention of it. But yeah, I don't think she actually really. She knows that she doesn't really like done. And I think she likes the controversy of it. I'm very interested. How it's going to be now, we've money my Nash. She's not in the mood. Cowan tuna goes coming the last couple of days. She's Nonni surely not hind. She's got the boys over there. She's just kinda just plying. The little, I'm gonna talk to you on finding very interesting. Now these two little rockets walked in, and yeah, what do you know what will happen? And of course she's gonna just really stick with one. There was a moment anti-us puts love triangle, but it's become a love square and she was like, oh, really, what's Danny said? They don't wanna share Tommy. I get it. Like she said, she's very confused. Doesn't know how to start a but I think we're all written for you on day in Danica. Do we seven? Seven Hopi isn't paying game sorry since J, A Haridi, really hope he isn't playing games. Yes, I agree. I really a hope sincere because like if anyone breaks you on days like the nation is gonna come crushing down on human. No one breaks scientists. Way. Nobody. When someone says, what are you living? No one's scientists. Scientists that is too vague. More specific plays. Like, because no one just names, the subject, they did at school for maths. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Scientists Jilani DT. What do you say that? It's like may go like, oh, I do entertainment specific. Joe's on showbiz this show. It's the same with Lucy. It's like what do you do? I'm a surfer. It's not. You not suffer you serve different. That's like me playing five aside on Sundays. Football like you play football are implement surf the enough. Do we think she's gonna she's Anton, Donnie, Tommy? Is she had a choice because it was a girl's toys, last, it might be the boys choice. So Molly may Donna, I think she's gonna she's going to be told me she's gonna hit Tomi like he has the driest is. Substory streaming is. And that's why he's winning books much because they cause of looking is, and then they punch them in the face. Very long arms when they look at banks. Perfect. Combine more Tandy gets the more dreamy. The is good. That is very true. So in for the win Anton Feron do you think he's going to go with bombshells? I mean he's really also a really afoot. I on time. I'm just waiting for these rookies to walk in on just comes in with his game. Excite? So, so, I don't sooner they will get goes, I'm going to the Scottish accent. He's gonna say for chats above about ten minutes upon say the same as the vote of others. Call away can't be paid off a game. You know. It's just I love Anton, so much me. Really hope he doesn't go, because he's like he is pure comedy. His laugh is affectionate. Did you try to you see that the other night? It's amazing. I just I deduct. This is someone who is clearly gets all the compliments all the women like all of the attention outside than just come in particular. And he had said, no women. Just like I am he's like tiring book, like and the Tiber came dine like every relationship I tried in the villa. At least he's crying. Where is to annoy God, because I feel like if it was having to other people like if he was in the same scenario, if what was happening to Anton was happening to Joe. He would be sulking in a Bush somewhere, just below looks like like anti like you know, it's fine. I'm you know. It is. I just thought a love love, I hope you'll get one of bombshells I think, yeah. Like you say cameo, go straight in for one of them together or separately, within five seconds. Like, he's, you know, can threesome in front of his Momo every done wherever is. Yeah. Yeah. Baby. You know, I it's father Babu's, I hear though she was upstairs. So big. He said is I'm a monkey Catania until she walked into my bed. Jim to Kittles in my bed. Shook precious. So obviously we love when you say in your tweets. Hashtag love podcast jar, what have you got for us today got some great tweets pick pick your free favors. Here we go. We got Mike at real MP. It's nine days in way, too soon to be called an exclusive at Loveland hashtag level. Hashtag love island podcasts. I agree. I agree. These guys chill says the Vela enjoy a week week is like a month. His show is like kind of dog is, you know, Luke kempter outlook great either. He's luca. Mna. Is amber. Don't say don't say don't say don't say, don't say, don't say you look really old. Yeah. The first thing in every single person. They see speeds. How did she's she's like she's like that person in school? Like there's always someone school just like like just always asking everybody is Howdy. Just go round how you like they cheese. The classic person in school whose birthday was in like September, like she's the oldest in the. She knows all the DA. She doesn't want to get it before. She doesn't want anybody via the person in Miami. Howdy. Howdy. Yeah. Thank you so much chil-, you have to have people because this guy to love, they can get involved in the conversation 'cause you've read at the hashtag, so much view enjoyed the podcast. Then you just subscribe subscribe, and probably a little review on enjoyed me. Thank you, Joe might you've had absolute stitches, honestly, you really could tell that call quote, I was off in by on positive for tonight. You know to new gals. What's gonna go versus going to our couple offering this rob potential in there. You know, these things like a failure, and make sure you're tuning into IT at nine PM. And don't forget, if you haven't seen all of the episodes, you can catch up on the IT hub, we are always here every morning to give you the Phil debrief download the Intel remember to describe to subscribe light, Joe said. And if you want to get votes conversation, use the hashtag love island, hot cast because might maybe not in such a manner that Joel because you smash that. All of a hash Todd's every opportunity, really appreciate that marketing, Thanks, Joe. Things over now. Why is such a rush this morning, gone puddle voting on Thames just for show on it? Pants on. Unlike lineup limb.

Lucian Joe Tommy Molly Michael amber Lucy Amy I Danny Donnie Antonis Bart Anton Joel Cami Marco Levada Fashir Hayden Correo. Dory Honey Lehrer Howard Molly mayor
Episode 133: The End of the Paper Chart

2 Docs Talk

12:33 min | 1 year ago

Episode 133: The End of the Paper Chart

"This podcast is brought to you by Dr Amy Rogers and Dr Kendall and so not that long ago amy I went with my mom to her pulmonologist. Disappointed how BECO- very interesting. I let me just say my mom is perfectly capable of making her own medical decisions however she was at a bit of a crossroads in the the direction she should take wasn't totally clear so we both thought maybe I should tackle on that makes sense okay so anyway. The first thing I noticed was how much time was spent going over her electronic onic medical record making sure all the data was correct in fact after a while it seemed like getting her medical record straight was the whole point of the visit. Will I mean having the accurate what information is important for the specialist to treat the patient right now. I agree absolutely but this is something that can be resolved. I think by someone other than the doctor. Data entry shouldn't be the physician's role. Yeah and our patients don't want us to be doing data entry when they come to see us but that's what was happening. So that crossroads which suspect required a discussion about risks benefits preferences life goals expectations values although squishy subjective things that can't be quantified or turn into a number about. That conversation never happened right. That conversation never happened did her electric electronic medical record get fixed at least day. Well that's something you're right that's something something that we should all be talking about both doctors and patients what is the role of the Mr in the doctor patient relationship. And how can we make it. Work Better for both of us Hello and welcome to two docks talk the podcast about healthcare the science of medicine and everything in between okay so I a few definitions. You'll hear people using the terms. Electronic medical record and electric health record interchangeably. Heck I do that. But they're not exactly the same in. Mr Is a chart that is used within one specific clinic. It can't be accessed by anyone outside that clinic whereas an e HR electronic health record is usually system-wide or multi multi system wide providers from different clinics within the same health system or ACO can all access the record yes but for the purposes of this talk either Emr or E. H.. which are will do? I'm going to use 'em are okay me too now on when we say the. Mr We mean both Emr and EHR either one so moving on Comores are basically all the health records notes. Labs diagnostic studies insurance. People work demographic data for every patient and Mars have actually been around for decades in in fact the VA hospital system was one of the early adopters of Mars. Remember the Martha Audie Murphy and Mess Cooling. God that thing was the most user unfriendly no-frills eum are ever. Yeah but it was still pretty cool. I Love I would be taking care of a patient in San Antonio Audie Murphy and I could see what had happened to him when he was ed another. Va in the country. Green Flash Her sir okay to understand how cool that is. We have to talk about the battle days so back before. EMR's there were paper charts. It's yeah and they were often illegible. I mean doctors notes were hand written and most people's handwriting isn't what it should be and doctors have notoriously bad the handwriting. I don't I do. I still do horrible. Also data was often out of order. There were reams of unnecessary papers. Redundant paper someone else's papers burs and the chart and you can find charts when you need them. Someone else had them or they were just flat out. Lost or parts of the chart were lost. Yeah usually it was very important diagnostic success that was missing and also in residency. You could lose your privileges if you didn't dictate so you had to go through. I don't know if you had this. But we had to dictate the charts our own and are attending 's and they would our records of stack up down stairs in the basement and we'd have to go down there and get all these paper charts and dictate all this crap. It was horrible God too so awful. An on top of all of that hospitals and clinic seeded huge rooms to store these charts charts like the entire basement of a hospital medical records. Yeah so happily. Most of these problems disappeared with the arrival of electron ICK medical record. Right and wants wants. Things have been digitized. You can really do a lot of different things with them. You can actually find the data and read it for one. Yeah People's notes are now suddenly legible and charge. Don't get lost and the chart can be accessed remotely. You don't have to be in the radiology reading room to look at someone's x Ray for example you can which makes me a little sad but I always loved that and you can call it. Data and look at trends and that data can be sent electronically to and from other physicians clinics labs insurance companies anywhere. You needed to be sent as as as long as you will be patient privacy. Of course you should say that. Yeah anyway as with all technological advances there were a lot of promises in this case the promise was that. Mr would make make physicians better doctors. There'd be more accurate diagnoses. More timely therapies fewer mistakes streamlined billing practices and most importantly improved efficiency all this intimately physicians would have more time to spend with their patients exactly the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow more time with patients. and has this happened the the more time with patients part. I mean you know it. Hasn't there have been several studies showing that Dr Spent about twice as much time on the computer as they spend with their patient and tons of anecdotal evidence. Well Yeah Heck. I can confirm that just based on my own practice. And here's the thing. Physicians are spending more time on the computer when they're both with and away from their patients. Just look at what happened when my mom went to the pulmonologist so what is happening. Partly because of the increasingly complex regulatory environment in medicine Medicare Medicaid and insurance companies are demanding documentation for every bill submitted and the documentation must meet criteria. Set Out by Medicare Medicaid before or the physician will be reimbursed for their services so this documentation happens on. The computer is in submitted with the bill to the pair and the primary person. Who Does the documenting is? Is the physician right. Here's an example of typical day for a physician. Prior to seeing the patient will review the medical record mostly so they know what brings a patient in for the day the and also to remind them what meds the patient is on pertinent parts of the past medical history now then. The physician sits down with the patient in the exam. We're there as he gets another computer so while talking to the patient the physician enter data into the Mr about this current visit then after the visitors over the physician will finish documenting with the assessment and plan. Once the notice complete. The physician will then bill for the visit. Sometimes documenting takes so long. That notes aren't completed until the patients have been seen in. The clinic is closed for the day. That's also in. The physicians will correct any notes that need correctly so in my practice there is a person who was hired solely to review physicians knows and make sure her they meet Medicare criteria for the bill. They submitted at the notes. Don't meet criteria. They get sent back to the physician to cracked. And here's a very important point not all. EMR's ours are created equal Semimar. Great they're designed with doctors in mind the allow you to pull data Ford from previous notes. Limit the number of clicks needed to complete the relevant portions of the now they're customizable demise able in the end. Product is easy to read but most Mars have a primary function other than communication. And fortunately this is true. The primary function of many Mars uses billing. And when that's the case for the Mr for doctors will be inefficient and awkward US right. We can't customize it to our needs. We ended up doing a lot of data entry and the end product. Arctic is not something that's easy for other providers to read or understand so the physician spends more and more hours out of the working day with their face in front of a screen instead of making eye contact with her patience chance. Yeah so just a quick aside for second if there are any residents out there listening especially residents who are near the end of training interviewing for jobs. Make sure you talked to. Physicians is in the practice. You're considering and ask them about the Mar- they use exactly. Are they happy with it. Did they spend time at home documenting because they don't have time at work is is the MR efficient or awkward user friendly or the friend of the billing office if the docs you talk to your unhappy with their Mr. Then it's pretty likely you'll be too so move on so so I work with an Mr. Everyday I never look at a computer when I'm with a patient I don't have computers in the room and I don't bring my laptop into the room I had. I decided to make that time sacred without a computer to distract me. I can make eye contact with my patients Cedar subtle reactions to questions conversations. About feelings hopes expectations careers are more likely to come up although squishy subjective things. Your mom didn't get a chance to talk about exactly and I listened better my agenda doesn't dominate the visit. And I'm more likely to see the patient as a human being not a diagnosis our list of diagnoses. Some physicians might think you're no computer. Stance is a bit extreme. So be it. The time I spend with my patients is what makes my job worthwhile and meaningful and joyful and I suspect this is. This is the same for most physicians. Why would I want to compromise that the end result would be a miserable me an unhappy patient? But here's the thing you work in practice that allows you to do that. This is not a luxury Minna. Physicians can afford so what to do when the MR takes over your relationship with the patient first. We need to acknowledge that. This regulatory environment in which we practice is at the heart of the problem so we should all be you proactive about healthcare reform. Okay but short of ideology. What should doctors do? Well look at your Emr and see if it's the problem F it is lobby for a new EMR car or change practices if need be if you're Mars decent than there are a few things physician can do on a daily basis. That might improve things. Yeah so first position position computer in such a way that your back is not to. The patient also involve the the patient with a computer. Show them what you're looking at. Ask them to help update the record. Let them know what you're typing while you're doing it and make sure you spend time away from the keyboard during every visit for some doc sits at the beginning for some. It's in the middle. Whatever you feel comfortable with but at some point you should step away from the computer? Make eye contact with your patient so some practices have hired scribes to document for the physician. Yeah that's a luxury to adding additional staff as an expensive way to solve a problem. Yes it's true and it's kind of awkward to bring a third person into the examining room is so here's the thing. Technology Technology often promises to bring us together as human beings to give us more time to spend doing the things we love with the people. We love just look at the facebook motto. Bring the world closer together together. I thought it was making the world more open and connected or maybe move fast and break things. I think those are previous mottos but whatever my point is we don't always use use technology in a way that maximizes promise and the same is true for. EMR'S DO I want to go back to the paper charts absolutely not but neither do I wanna rule where I no longer remember my interactions with others because my head was buried in some form of technology. You know whether that's at home or at work amen to that so I suggest we take extreme steps to keep this from happening like keeping electronics out of the examining room or demanding a better. Mr Or as patients requesting that doctors move away from the screen. Yeah I think that's really good. Just interjecting here. Yeah as a patient. That's your time to. You can stand up for what you need in that moment with your doctor ask the doctor. Could we talk face to face for a moment if that's what you need and if a doctor has a problem with that you know maybe it's time look probably a ton of things patients. Doctors doctors could do if they combined forces. Let's our show for today if you liked what you heard right US review in eighteen tune and until selects time. Sneezing your elbow wash your hands and get a flu shot. They sound like a couple of lights. No we don't. We're making our own podcast. Hot Cast for crying out loud Kendall but we haven't phoenix idea how to use garage band is a total dumpster. Fire every time we try. Hey it's got better this time but it's true. We do need tech support. Yup We do.

EMR Mr Or US Dr Kendall Martha Audie Murphy Dr Amy Rogers Va flu San Antonio amy I Dr Spent Minna ACO Medicare facebook Arctic
2080: Amy Porterfield shares the 3 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets to Digital Course Success in 2019 and Beyond

EOFire | Entrepreneur on FIRE

37:33 min | 2 years ago

2080: Amy Porterfield shares the 3 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets to Digital Course Success in 2019 and Beyond

"Maroon shake the room fire nation jail D here with an audio masterclass that is on fire because I've brought Amy Porterfield to come on and chat with us today. We're gonna be talking all about how to build a digital course. Business to generate consistent revenue while only saying guests to what truly late you up. I mean, how amazing would that be? We'll be going behind the scenes of Amy's business to really learn some incredible things there. We'll talk about where people struggle in creating digital courses and Amy's going to share one of her best tips about how to make live. Webinars hugely successful. Now who is any Porterfield? Well, she's an online marketing expert in educator and the host of the podcast online. Marketing meet easy through her bestselling marketing courses, thriving, social media, community and popular podcasts. Amy inspires over two hundred fifty thousand online entrepreneurs in this January tenth Amy's going to be delivering a free. Live webinar to you about everything. We'll be talking about today and so much more. It's going to be live is going to be awesome. That it'll be gifts in bonuses this January tenth at one PM Pacific four PM eastern. If you want to register for this completely free. Awesome. Webinar head over to e o fire dot com slash Amy. That's e o fire dot com slash Amy. And when we get back from thick and our sponsor, you are going to ignite fire nation fire nation as an entrepreneur, you know, what it's like to wear many, hats and feel busy all the time. But the take your business to the next level. You have to start doing things more efficiently. One way to do that hire the right people in ZipRecruiter can help ZipRecruiter's powerful. Technology scans thousands of resumes to identify people with the right skills and experience in actally invites them to apply to your job. So you get qualified candidates fast in right now, you can try Zip Recruiter for free at ZipRecruiter dot com slash fire. That's ZipRecruiter dot com slash fire. Fire. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire. So Amy say what's up to fire nation and share something? Interesting about yourself that most people don't know most people don't know. Well, first of all Hello, everybody. So happy to be here. And one thing I brag about especially after a few glasses of wine with all my friends is that in highschool. I won the spirit award for the best attitude. So that's what they did. Most people don't know about me. But I'm very proud of it. I didn't know that. But it's like the least shocking thing of our because you've always had the attitude about basically everything. So thank you environ, Asian you, obviously, Amy she's been a multiple repeat guests on entrepreneurs on fire, but today's special for a number of reasons because we're gonna be talking about how you can build a digital course. Business to generate consistent revenue while only. Yes. To what truly lights you up. I mean, what a dream come true in this world going to be going through here today, and Amy we have a lot to talk about. So I was kinda wanna dive right in because we're gonna take as much time as possible to have you drop value bombs up on our heads. So what is the difference between creating a digital course for your business and building a digital course business? Okay. I'm so excited to talk about this. Because I haven't gotten the opportunity to talk about the difference a lot, and I'm very passionate about it. And so here's the deal becoming the owner of a digital course. Business means that you no longer are creating a course just to make some extra money in your business. So instead of that you begin to see and treat your new digital course as the cornerstone of your business now, it becomes like the most important and profitable asset that you have. So it's one that generates revenue for you. You over and over and over again. And here's the greatest thing about having a digital course business. It allows you to say no to all the things that you no longer want to do. So here's the deal. This shift means that you are fully embracing this idea of having a digital course in your business. And then actually marketing it launching it doing webinars in order to find your audience, but you do this consistently a few times a year and the bulk of your revenue is coming from digital courses. So a lot of people that create a online core are all my business. There have about ten different plates in the air. They're trying to get paid to speak on stage. They might have a group coaching program. They might have a digital course. They're doing services. They're doing one on one consulting the running around with their head cut off trying to make money online. And my whole thing is let's create a digital course. Let's make a lot of money with. With one thing in your business and do it. Right. So that you can eliminate some of that stress and overwhelm does that make sense makes all the sense in the world to me. And there's a few things I wanna go right now the images shared fire nation that Sochi number one that digital cores business. That's the cornerstone of your business that is the cornerstone in only saying yes to what you want to say. Yes. I mean, imagine that furnish. Imagine a world that you live in where you can say yes to things that you want to say yes to because there's something that I've said a few times in the past few months fire nation. I hope it's really sinking in right now. Is that when you say yes to one thing you may be thinking, I'm always saying, yes. To that one thing. No. You're saying no to everything else. You could have done that is now taking up the time by that one thing you said, yes to so why not make it something that you want to say, yes to you need to have that my set in this is what's going to allow you to do just that so Amy with you on thing. I love is your transparent, you're honest, like you're just genuine about everything. That you do. And I love going behind the scenes pulling back that Kern, so to speak so take me take fire nation behind the scenes of what would it actually looks like the have this digital online course business? I mean, do you just sit around in your sauna all day playing with your dog? Yes. What I do. How did you know, you know, me so? Well, okay. So this is really fun to kind of take you behind the scenes because I really do believe I have a business that looks much different than a lot of my peers. So right now, I have three digital courses and funny enough as I move into the new year at based on the time that we're recording this I'm actually just going to have to. And I think the fewer you have the better, and I have one that I launched live a few times a year, and then I'll have one on evergreen. Meaning that it's a recorded webinar that I run ads to every single day. So if if we look at my business right now, we're going from three courses down to two. But it even if we just look at it where it's at now three courses that generate money for me. Consistently ninety percent of my revenue comes from these three courses. So if I want to speak on stage, I can get paid to speak onstage. I choose not to I don't love. Travel for business. I love to travel for pleasure. And with my husband. But am I Tony Robbins days at traveled all over the world way too much? So I'm done with the business travel kind of thing. So I don't do that a lot. So I don't get paid to speak unless I really really want to. I don't do one on one consulting. I don't work with people in terms of the service base business or do their marketing for them. I don't do any of that. I make ninety percent of my revenue from my actual courses. And then the other ten percent is if I if I promote somebody, else's course or somebody else's product like job. So it's a product, of course, platform that I love to promote. That's all that's all. I do. Now. I keep busy because I'm constantly promoting and making my courses better and engaging with my community. But it is so amazing to know that I'm not pulled in a million directions. And I'm not a Jack of all trades. I do a few things really well, and I keep it really streamlined. So that means when opportunities come my way, I'm really clear how I wanna make money in my business and most things I get on what Marie Forleo calls the no train. I say no to a lot of stuff way more than I say, yes. But guess what that means? That means that I have consistent revenue coming in. That means I've been able to grow my business to multi millions over the last few years. And it also means that I get a lot more time with my husband, and my son and my dog, and I really get to call the shots. I ventured out into this online world to create an online business because I didn't wanna boss anymore. I didn't want someone telling me what to do or went to do it. And so having a digital core. Business allows me to be the boss my own boss. Call the shots and also again not pill pulled pulled in a few different directions. I think that's the one thing. I really wanted to get away from furnish. And one of my big takeaways here less is more. I mean think about these. Numbers at Amy sharing ninety percent of her revenue comes from these three courses soon to be two and guess what? She's great at all of those three things her team is able to become great at all those three things because that's what their focus is there following that. One course until success. Guess what? Her adspend is not getting out of control because he's not doing ten other things while the ads are running and nobody's paying attention to them. They know their numbers in side out because this is what they do. This is where ninety nine zero of her revenue comes from an chinos those numbers, so Amy I wanna cut to the chase. Because so many people struggle when it comes to creating digital courses you've created three great ones that have brought you multiple millions of dollars per year. But what are some of the struggles that people have creating digital courses? One of the biggest ones that pops up is what if my ideas and good enough. What if I spend all this time effort and money creating? Digital course. And then I put it out into the world, and no buddy buys it. And here's the thing back in the day. When until you a quick story when I first came on the scene, I knew like from day one when I left Tony Robbins. I knew I wanted to create digital courses and sell them online with webinars. This was always my goal. However, I had no idea how to do it myself. And I sure as heck didn't have an audience and so in order to make money I started doing consulting one on one work for social media for small businesses and I- fricken hated every minute of it. I I built a business that I absolutely did not love. But I did it for two years because I needed to make some money, and I was bound in determined not to have to go back to corporate. Well, the good thing is when I was in the trenches, I learned a lot about my audience what they needed what they wanted and all that good stuff. And so I paid attention. And I decided, okay. That's it. I'm creating my first digital course. I'm miserable. Doing this consulting work. I wanted different type of business model. So I created my first. So it was something called like the simple social media formula. I think that was the exact title, and I worked my tail off to create this course, and the day. I remember like it was yesterday was in my bedroom. I was still working from bed. Like a true entrepreneur. I was in bed typing away putting out the Email to let my audience. No, I had something amazing to share with them put it out into the world in. It was crickets, I mean, crickets, and I was devastated. And the reason for that is that I didn't do any work to find my audience and nurture my audience and grow my Email list. So the biggest fear and most people have is what if nobody buys? My course. Number one. I've already lived that experience. Nobody bought my course, number two. It can be totally sidestepped if you just slowly methodically start building your Email list. If you put a freebie out there and every week you put a little time and effort. In love into finding your audience and getting them to sign up for your Email list. If you do a little at a time when you're ready to finally launch. Your course, you will have an audience to launch to and if you're paying attention to what they're telling you, they'll tell you what type, of course, they want you to create its that list building that you just gotta make an effort, and you will have an audience to market to I didn't in. So that's why it was crickets fire nation. It is so important to just recognize the fact that we are all standing on the shoulders of giants when I launched my podcast back in two thousand twelve I didn't know what the heck I was doing. What did I do? I wanted found a successful business podcast host Jamie masters of eventual millionaire I hired her. She mentored me. She actually introduced me the people like Amy and Pat and Derek Halpern back in the first ever conference. I went blog world New York City two thousand twelve like it was crazy experience for me to be there. And be like, wow. Like, I would literally just be. An attendee here. But now I've invested in myself, I'm learning from Jamie. She's introducing people. This is so amazing when it comes to courses and webinars Amy's the giant here need to stand on the shoulders of giants. She has proven the process. She's built a team. She's built a systems the automations views to be standing upon the shoulders of giants and learning the process from those who have come before us. But even with all this, even when you know, we overcome some of these fears, and we're learning these things from people like yourself wolf had so much success. We still kind of come down to well. What do I actually choose for a topic that not only is going to make an impact because impacts important, but you, and I are both very very haired about this. It's gonna make some money to dollar, Dr L. So how we do that? What are we choose that topic? So a lot of the times when you're thinking about a topic that will resonate with your audience make an impact and make making money you want to start thinking about what do, you know? Like, where's your expertise? Where's your knowledge? Let me. Give you an example, I have a star student. Her name is Anna de Gilio in Anna for twenty three years was a second grade math teacher so twenty three years of her life. Second grade math teacher, and she decided that she was going to take these digital digital curriculums that she was creating for her students, and she was going to sell them to other teachers, and she just like dabbled with it a little and it worked like these teachers wanted to buy her math curriculum. And so she thought you know, what this could actually be a business. So she became my students. She learned how to create courses and how to do webinars. And she started selling her curriculum that she was an expert. This is what she did for twenty three years. She took what she knew. And she decided that she was going to sell it to the people who needed it most. She's now move from being an elementary school teacher to running an online business. And here's the coolest thing ever. The girl knew nothing about marketing, and she taught herself she got. These courses like you said, she like found the experts that could guide her and she made ten thousand dollars on her first webinar, selling her curriculum ten thousand dollars to a teacher is a lot of money. So right there. She's like, wait a second. I'm onto something. She kept at it. She kept at it. She has a million dollar business today by yes by selling what she already knew. And so when I think of Anna who at one point what she thought she knew is how to be a teacher, but then she kind of dug a little deeper, and she's like, wait a second. I actually have something else here. That's very valuable. You've gotta be willing to look at what you know. And then put a twist to it and really kind of think outside the box. It could be a million dollar idea. Fire nation. Let's not over complicate things. Yeah. What you know? Put a little twist on it in silica who needs it the most. I mean think about their struggles. What do you do you provide the solution? We try to over complicate things. It just doesn't have to happen. And if you think fire nation Amy's been dropping value bombs while you are one hundred percent, correct. In more are coming up, and we get back from thanking our sponsor so fire nation, we're here with Ian Siegal. The CEO of ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. In you spent so much time in the hiring space. What is the biggest challenge employers face today when hiring ninety percent of companies say finding qualified and available candidates is their number one pain point and ZipRecruiter. We used to say that we were going to solve the quality problem with volume if you'd asked me a year ago, I would've said, you know, we deliver haystacks we don't deliver needles in the last couple of years, we've made the largest investment, our company ever has in any particular piece of technology. And it's all centered around algorithms that help match your job to exactly the right candidates in market as soon as your job is posted the experience you have on ZipRecruiter as an employer is simple post. Your job. And we will within minutes have notified all the candidates and market who are adjust right fit for the opportunity that you have open, and you will see them start to apply that same day. No more posting praying ZipRecruiter makes it easy to find qualified candidates fire nation. I hope you're tuning in here. I don't want you to struggle hiring. Because of too many unqualified applicants it is such a waste of time to sift through the wrong candidates. And there's one thing entrepreneurs can afford. It's wasting time. This is why ZipRecruiter's matching algorithm is awesome. It saves. A lot of time in a hassle because they focus on sending only qualify candidates. Here's how ZipRecruiter finds you quality candidates. Ziprecruiter scans thousands of resumes. Find people with the right skills education. Inexperienced in actively invite them to apply to your job as applications come in Zip Recruiter, analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates. So you never miss a great match. It's no wonder ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers in the US in this is based on trust pilot ratings. Of hiring sites with over one thousand reviews in right now fire nation, you can try Zip Recruiter for free. That's right free. Just go to this exclusive web address, Zip Recruiter dot com slash fire. That's Zip Recruiter dot com slash f. I r e Zip Recruiter dot com slash fire. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire. So Amy you, and I we agree on a lots of things. I mean for number one like you believe the best way to market and sell digital course is with webinars. And I now have been doing webinars since two thousand thirteen I did one live webinar a week for two years straight because I believe so much in the power of webinars. But why do you think webinars are the best marketing and selling tool for courses? I love that you, and I both agree that hundred percent and our side of the way to go like, they're incredibly powerful. Here's the thing in the Earl. Early days of online education. I sound so old when I say. In the early days of online education. It was truly enough to simply have a great digital cordless. And then as the market got more crowded, there was this really what I call an unfortunate shift where it was no longer, the best course that stood out. But the best marketed course, and that's the course that would win. But here's the thing. Long on today's where a mediocre course could be rescued by great marketing or where a great course could be overcome with mediocre marketing, just by sheer hustle. So what I'm saying here is that you actually need both you need a really good course. And you need to know how to market it. Now. Here's the exciting thing. If you learn how to use webinars to market, your course, the coolest thing ever is those who in this would be me back in the day are a little squeamish to sell online. If you start to sell anything in you feel a little bit like a used car salesman or you feel like. You're pushing too much if you ever have that fear of selling online, the beauty of webinars is there's a thing that happens where you earn the right to sell and what I mean by that as you get on this webinar, and you teach and you add value, and you answer questions that your audience truly is wondering in needing to know. So you give on a webinar. So that you then earned the right to say, look, if this was valuable, and you want to know how to do it because of webinar typically is the what and what you're selling them. The course is the how so if you say if you really find this valuable, and you want to know how to do it. Join me inside, my course. And it becomes the most natural conversation. Take it from a girl who definitely was always a freight to sell online. Webinars allowed me to give and add value. So that I could vite invite people very organically into my course. And there is no better way to do it. I have done hundreds of webinars, and I've actually done other Ma. Marketing strategies to get people into my course. And I always come back to the fact that a webinar will connect with your audience it will allow you to feel comfortable as you teach allows you to give value. And then, of course, allows you to ease into selling people what they came for what they need and what they want fire nation that little recap back in the day. It wasn't always the best course stood out. It was the best marketed. Course, I love how you put that. And that is just no longer the case, you need to both be the best course and best market, of course. And we're telling you one of the best if not the best way to market, your course is through webinars. Now, a lot of people Amy they want to say, you know, what I'm gonna just record that one perfect webinar. And then I'm going to put it up on a website that I'm going to go to bed. I'm gonna wake up in the morning and all the sales are going to be there. And guess what they happened while I slept and I wasn't even there live. So any mistakes I made I edited out. I mean that could work, and you do evergreen great idea, evergreen grades butts. We both also believe in this as well live. Webinars win fact I live by one sentence. And I've said this so many times sales happen on live. Webinars period end of story, so talk about this because some people cringe Amy at the thought of live webinars why do you think live is so important? Oh my gosh. I'm so glad we're talking about this. I feel very strongly that you must experience like webinars and you're right jail. D it's all about the live webinars and how they definitely bring in more sales than evergreen like hands down one hundred percent we both do both. And so saying that really mean something. Yeah. So here's the deal based on doing hundreds of live. Webinars and running a business that has been fueled by evergreen, webinars as well, I would say I know with thing or two about live versus evergreen in this whole debate. And I know firsthand that if you skip the live webinars move. Right into evergreen. You're leaving money on the table. A lot of money. In fact, live webinars allow you to become a highly skilled marketer in your business. If you genuinely care about doing marketing, right? You've got to step up to the plate, and I do them live. So when you create next cute live, webinars you're able to improve on the entire launch process in real time, and you experiment over and over again until you get it. Just right. So went with live. Webinars your audience is right there with you along the way this gives you an opportunity to see how they engage with you, and how they're engaging with your marketing message in this kind of stuff that is like amazing Intel I say, it's always priceless to get that real time feedback. So in addition to that your audience is live feedback allows you to make necessary changes in the moment while it still counts. So these tweaks in these changes in small shift. That you make actually result in higher conversions. But I think the biggest thing about live. Webinars versus evergreen is the fact that when you are there with them live the trust factor is considerably higher on live. Webinars versus evergreen so that heightened trust make selling a whole lot easier. And as I mentioned earlier live. Webinars almost always generate more revenue than evergreen. So if you're looking to boost your revenue in the new year, if you're looking to play a bigger game, if you go right to evergreen, like I said, you're not going to experience making shifts in the moment learning what your audience wants being able to increase the conversions literally within the minute versus letting weeks go by so trust me on this one do several live webinars when you're selling your digital course. And after you've done several of them, you'll know what works, and what doesn't work and at that point. I highly recommend. You turn that on evergreen. But don't do it until you've done your live. Webinars fire nation little recap sales happen on live. Webinars take it from Amy take a for me. It's legit as she mentioned. The trust factor is just so much higher. People feel included because I know Amy does the same thing I've been on plenty of her live webinars where like oh Sarah's coming out us from Toledo. Oh, it's Pat from San Diego is Greg from Denver like we're able to call these people out that are there. They feel like they're included. They're part of the group part of the tribe that just increases the trust in another huge thing. And this is why both aiming I do these live QNA's at the end because people have barriers and guess what it might just be one small barrier that they have. And they're gonna ask you that question, and you remove that barrier that's the sale, and they're in, and then guess what that makes you better because you're understanding what barriers people are having some. Maybe you go back and improve your webinar to remove those. During the webinar. So when you do turn evergreen that barriers removed, and your course better because you can improve the course as a result of that as well. Because you're understanding your target market so much better. So Amy, you have so many tips that of course, you teach in your webinar course. But give us one of your best. I mean, fire nation loves you. Let's get it. Okay. So I'm actually going to cheat. And give you my first tip is something that I used to be against and something that I would say, oh, you don't really need it. But times are changing. So I believe with a live webinar you should turn on your video camera in the beginning. And then during the live QNA at the end now, you okay, do you do it too early? It's inside the studio. I like give them a quick little tour around. I don't even try to make a professional Mike look at like, I haven't even cleaned up my desk. Gary over here yet. Perfect. So that's exactly what they want. They want the behind the scenes they want the real they want the gritty. And so for those of you who hate the idea of turning on your video camera. Here's something that's gonna ease your mind. I actually don't believe that you should keep that video camera on the whole time during the webinar, I think it will decrease your sales in many cases, I think is distracting when you create a really beautiful slide deck and your teaching and your punctuating your point with your slides, and you're on video sometimes it's distracting, so all you really need to do is turn that video on in the beginning say Hello to everybody. Introduce yourself. Get the party going. You can turn the video camera off and just focus on delivering impeccable content. When you get to the live Q in a turn that camera back on they need to see you it ups the trust factor. It gives them that sense of connection with you. And here's my second tip. The live QNA is where the money's made the people that are still there. Asking questions are just listening in. Are on the fence. They are genuinely considering pain for your course. So I always say as long as the questions are good that are coming in. You stay on that QNA as long as you need to stay there. I've done a Q and A that lasted a full hour. If people were asking great questions, I'm staying till the very end that live QNA that lasted in our generated twenty thousand more dollars that I could literally left on the table. If I said, okay. I said we were going to stay here for an hour. I'm wrapping up. I'll see you guys later. So do what you need to do. If your audience is engaged one more tip. I can't help myself. But if you're just starting out with webinars, and you're saying, okay, me, I might have twenty people on my webinar would if I go into live QNA, and nobody asks the question, I always no matter, even if I have a thousand people on my webinar, I always designate two to three questions related to my course, that I know people are going to have whether they ask it or not. I know they're going to be thinking of it. One question might be okay. Amy, if I buy your course what other tools or resources, do I need to buy to make your course work. This is something they're thinking about before they actually invest so what I say is okay, guys. We're going to open up the live Cuna before we get started. Let me answer some questions that always pop up first Bubba. So I started just answering questions that weren't even asked just to get the ball rolling and get people warmed up to feel comfortable enough to ask me a question. There's no pause. There's no awkwardness I go right into it. So give yourself two or three questions already written out just start with those. So there's a couple of things I want to recap. And then there's one thing I wanna share Amy that. I actually learned from you the we haven't talked about yet just something. Really? Yeah. It was pretty important to so number one fire nation have the video on at the beginning. And just say Hello. Look the camera in the I welcome people into your home into your room show them around. If you have like a detachable camera like I do just make that happen. And then of course, during the live Q in age is going to bring people again back in with. No, you're answering the question. User name as much as possible and have two to three Santa questions to kind of get things rolling something that I did learn as well, as you know, there's going to be a chat that's involved with a lot of webinars and the chasse maybe going on spiel and be asking questions you always want to have a moderator in the Chad this on your team. So of course, for me, it's Kate Amy. She has a lot of wonderful people on her team. That are monitoring the chat, you know, taking care of business a mistake that people make a lot of people when they first are doing webinars is they try to deliver their webinars and the peak over at the chat while they're doing the webinar. It can be a disaster. You wanna talk about that? Naked the a huge disaster. Because it takes you out of your focus like you're on your game. You're delivering you look over. And then all of a sudden, you're like, oh, wait someone has a question. Are there confused today and right away, you're out of your group out of it? And you may never get back in the live fire nation. This is live in you just want to be in your groove. So speaking of live, webinars we're going to go a little off script here because we're at the end of our chat today. Of course, we dropped a ton of value bombs, but you know, this is only a thirty minute podcast episodes. So there's so much more than I want to share with you that, of course, Amy wants to share with you, and Amy believe it or not I know it's crazy to believe. But it's the beginning of two thousand nine hundred. I mean two thousand nineteen is off it is running. And you have an amazing live webinar that you're going to be putting on for incredible people, and I wanna make sure that my audience. Fire nation attends this live webinar so fire nation, just so, you know, if you want to sign up for this live webinar, you're heading to e o fire dot com slash Amy and the ultra I'll have more details about the dates and the exact times and all that jazz. But e o fire dot com slash Amy. You can head over there. Sign up for this completely free. Awesome. Webinar Amy talk to us about why you're doing this webinar what's going to be on the webinar and why we should go. Okay. So I'm going to take you behind the scenes with me and show you truly like in the weeds the details. The specifics of what it takes to create a digital course business. But here's my promise to you in this free women are I'm going to show you how you can make what I call the ultimate shift from struggling to make money online filling stretched too thin because you're doing too much in filling uncertain about what you should be doing to make your business profitable to owning. A thriving digital course business. So by the end of our time together, you're going to discover exactly what it takes to create the kind of business that you literally are generating revenue over and over again without spinning all those crazy plates where else in the world. Would you want to fire nation? I mean, come on. Now, me Netflix. No moving. No baseball game. Heck, no, we're going to be at this live webinar Amy's going to give you a shot. Oh, she's going to give me a shout out because we're going to be they're going to be engaging in the chat, and then she's going to get down to business and she's going to focus get into a groove in drop value bombs. So do not miss this completely free. Amazing live webinar. So any before we say goodbye today. Let me turn the mic over to you share anything you want to share with fire nation. Maybe one final call to action. And then we'll let you go. So first of all, thanks guys for listening in. I always loved to talk about. Creation and doing webinars and all this cool stuff that you get to do in your business. One of the things as we move into this new year. I want you to think about what jail D set in the very beginning. Less is more. You don't need a pile on a million projects and hustle. Your buns off till you're so tired. You can't even get outta bed in order to make your all my business work. You can choose a few core projects and do them really well and do them over and over again in order to generate eight crazy profitable business. So just know that I think jail D And my own business perfect examples of that. And I'd love to talk to you more about that on the free webinar, plus one thing I'll add to that is webinars are my thing that is how I've generated a multimillion dollar business. So if you just want to see how I put together my webinars how I present the content all that good staff then come on over because I'm very intentional about it. All so I'd love to share that with you as well on good broad that last point because fire nation. This is. Going back to what I said about standing on the shoulders of giants. I've had people that have no desire, and they'll never launch a podcast, but they just don't want to. It's their prerogative their desire, and that's great for them. That's fine et cetera. Sison, but they've come and they've washed five seven ten of my live webinars because they're studying how I deliver the content. How I engage what my pitch looks like how I answer questions. All of these things are going to be what makes you win. When you launch your thing. So fire nation, just remember, you're the average of the five people who you spend the most time with intimidation you've been hanging out with AP and J L D. So keep up the heat. And of course, like I said in the ultra will have all the details about the time and the date available for this completely free live webinar, the aim is gonna just absolutely crush but head over to e o fire dot com slash Amy secure your spots, and Amy I just want to thank you for share. During this incredible story in journey and all your knowledge, valuables, the fire nation, so for that we salute you, and we'll catch you on the flip side and fire nation. I hope you enjoyed that incredible episode with Amy Porterfield, she truly is one of a kind, and I really hope that you join us on a custom live webinar January tenth at one PM Pacific four PM eastern time. So wherever you are in the world come and join us live on this free webinar because as aiming I talked about during the episode there's so much power and live. She's going to give you a shadow. She's an answering any questions you have there's going to be special bonuses and gifts for people that attend live. So come and join us this January tenth at one PM Pacific four PM eastern. We truly look forward to seeing you. They're all you need to do is. Visit ITO fire dot com slash Amy e o fire dot com slash. Amy that's going to get you over to the registration page, and I really look forward to seeing you their fire nation, and I'll catch you on the flip side. You know, what's not smart spending? A ton of time searching job warns that overwhelm. You was so many candidates who aren't even qualified for the job you posted. Luckily, there's a smarter way to hire at Zip Recruiter. Ziprecruiter's powerful matching technology finds the right people for you, an actively invite him to imply that's why ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers in the US that's based on hiring sites on trust pilot with over one thousand reviews in right now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter dot com slash fire. That's ZipRecruiter dot com slash fire. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

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#227 Imposter syndrome with Amy Silvers & Lori Cavallucci (UXP Classic)

UX Podcast

37:13 min | 1 year ago

#227 Imposter syndrome with Amy Silvers & Lori Cavallucci (UXP Classic)

"Each episode of US podcast require about ten hours of work by myself. James and our producer remmy together with other related 'cause like hosting equipment and so on this supposed to production cost list of each show in excess of a thousand euros so help support you X.. PODCAST and the US community by contributing financially to keep the show rolling visit e-bikes REX podcast dot com slash support. I contribute as much as you can you X. podcast episode two hundred twenty seven You're listening to a podcast coming to you from Stockholm Sweden helping the the. US Community explore ideas and share knowledge since two thousand eleven. We are your hosts Paddock's boom and James Roy Lawson with listeners. In one hundred ninety countries reached Latvia to Iceland. From time to time we bring you repeat. This is an episode for our extensive back. Catalog resurfacing some of the ideas and thoughts from in the past but we believe still relevant and well worth revisiting and today we are reposting episode one hundred and six a show from back in two one thousand fifteen this is our interview with Lori. COLUCCI and Amy Silvers where we learn all about imposter syndrome and how to deal with it imposter syndrome. Let us know a bit more. About what made you want to do that. Talk at the summit. And what the title responses you got from that for me. It's something that I've grappled with for years. It's just been something. I never knew what it was until I started started reading about it. And I'm like wow that's me there's actually something for what I've been experiencing and amy and I've talked a a lot about it over the years. She happens to have been she. She cringes when I say this but she happens to have been my my mentor. Who helped push me? I needed someone to push me. I was holding myself back and So it's just it's it started off basically as a self study like anything in psychology allergy research. So it's The interest came from my own Difficulties suffering with it through the years. Yeah I think Laurie and I we're had both been going through some career bumps and I had maybe done a little bit more Applying for jobs than and she had because she'd been a freelancer for a long time and she was. She was sort of looking around for things to apply to but she kept kept saying things like well. I don't have I don't I haven't used Jack sure. And they want actor. I don't use this software tool and they wanted I don. I kept telling her you know nobody meets all of the qualifications for job. Just push yourself and go ahead and apply for things even if they're a little above your level and we talked about how much we both felt like frauds like complete frogs doing that kind of thing like we weren't really qualified to be applying for any you X.. Jobs in spite of both having at that point you know several years experience at least east in the field and it kind of grew from there. Exactly actually James. Was the one talking to me James About doing this. Show show about imposter syndrome for over a year now. I think he's probably close to two years. But even even before you mentioned it to me the first time and I actually didn't know there was a name for it because is when you described it and I realized Oh my God I feel that all the time. I didn't know there was a name for it. I mean I I remember I mean occasionally you get those for me anywhere. Ah Kitchen you get those moments where people come out and say. I remember one situation where I was working at a clients and we're having a conversation Near the coffee machine and and somebody just brought up the fact that they were feeling nervous about doing a particular task in this project and the conversation then snowball pretty quickly and everyone is four. I think four of his run this coffee machine all of US basically end up saying to each other. Well I think we all feel so you like that a lot of the time I feel like we. We were not good enough to do these jobs or not qualified to do them. Or we're not going to be a deliver what's expected of us and you get those moments where you realize that Well I think probably everyone has their moments of feeling like an impostor and a fraud. Yeah so what's what's what's really going on. Here I mean is this special for the field of U. X. because it seems like the US especially as a field where there are so many new things like you were saying saying that there are so many tools we need to know about. There's so many things. Do I know about search engine optimization analytics as well we need to care about that how much do I Actually need to know to be a good designer and that sort of of course contribute to that feeling of being an impostor not having that holistic view of just just everything that you need to know about but has imposter syndrome been around always and as soon as something. We've been afraid to talk about. Yeah I we can talk a little bit about the origin of the term. Laurie cover that. It was originally identified as a phenomenon among women women in academia. PhD's tenured professors. Who at some fundamental level just doubted? They were even intelligent much less qualified to do the work they were doing. But I think that was mostly putting a name to do something that that certainly every professional experiences and probably every human experiences or most humans experience. It's actually the ones who don't experience it. But you have to worry about And there's a name for that syndrome to it's called the denning in Kruger Affect people who actually overestimate their qualifications and their own intelligence but but imposter syndrome. I think is very common among people who are high achieving I can talk a little bit about whether it's whether it's particularly prevalent in you X.. And and hypothesize about why But I'll let Lori give a little background on on the original the whole the origin of the syndrome and the naming of it. It was first diagnosed in high achieving women by two women. They realized that it's something that high-achieving women in this university where feeling and they did the study now. What we know now is that it's not just women that suffer from limit it's women and men it's It tends to be people who who really are high achievers and and have high expectations of of themselves and have achieved a lot that tend to feel it the most and This was in the late seventies and that was the first diagnosis and it was called called impostor phenomenon and it it really was It wasn't well known it wasn't publicized and I think As amy I work exploring this. We found so many articles people were just starting to come out about it and talk about it because it's something that they had been feeling and I realize that it's not just them. It's other people's well. Yeah and we actually did. A survey nonscientific survey of people in the US community and the percentages of of people. Who agreed with all or part of the statements that we posed About feeling like an impostor in particular situations Not only feeling like like you're not qualified but also feeling like you're going to be discovered at any minute you're going to fall on your face and everyone who's going to figure out you know what the you've been getting away with Faking it all the time And we discovered that almost everybody is it's seventy and eighty percent on almost all the responses agreed with the statements and I it's a huge percentage jagger and and it it almost made me feel like you know if if everyone has imposter syndrome. How important is like is it something we should just sort of acknowledge and get on with our lives and just sort of tried to ignore it as best we can but I think they're also there are things that we can do to actively combat at that are probably a little healthier but it does it it makes you wonder a little you know everybody has it? Is that even really a syndrome or is it is part of being human part of being a relatively relatively successful human but I do think I think you X. poses kind of some unique challenges challenges for people who are prone to feeling like imposters. Because not only do we have all these different skills that were expected to have but nobody obt defines what that skill set is in the same way. No two people much less To companies or to hiring managers defined it did anything like the same way and we have all these sort of standards that were held to all the time. But the standards keep shifting and nebulous. And there's no way to say like in the talk. I give the example of architecture physical architecture I can look at a building that that frank gehry designed and say. That's a frank gehry building. But I can't look at Frank Juries website and say oh seven seven designed that website or for his digital presence or whatever I can't I can't point to anything there because there aren't really standards words or objective criteria there. We don't share our work that actively a lot of the time. So it's it's just kind of nebulous and again shifting all the time I remember I I think it's the guy who's behind future Web Design Conference series. WHO posted three or four years ago? He tweeted about you. Rex designed being a bullshit dot job title designer. and Oh okay then guess. I'll pack up my things and go home because you know my Dr is bullshit and we get stuff like that all the time you know you have to know how to do. You should never code All this stuff telling us how we should be. And if you're not doing this you're not really a UI designer and that makes it very hard into feel any sort of sense that you you have mastery over your your skills over your job. I'll I'll throw in as well. The theory that with the work we do every single project. Every single thing we ended up doing is unique so even though we we have similarities and some of the task you might do a certain aspect of a tactical wife frame or you might do interview something research a research contests you might have certain parts of the process and again and again but when it comes to the the whole thing the whole process you know. Every company is different every websites different every APP. So so oh you're going into new territory as a creative person every single time right. I also feel that so many of us have come from other other field that that that contributes to it. So you know aiming. I both came from different fields into you X. because it wasn't you X.. When we when when we were studying in school and I I wonder like I think that this next generation? That's coming up. There's more and more people that I starting to come into jobs where I am that. Have they have degrees in this. So I just wonder if they're going to be experiencing it to the same level level that we do and the and the profession will be more defined. Whether it's it's still they are not I think they'll be. They'll there will have been enough people doing it doing something resembling gate for long enough. That vitit will be a little more more accepted an a little more generalized to where people can confidently say. Yes what I'm doing is you ex design and maybe if we're lucky they'll be fewer people saying oh no that's not you ex design this exercise and maybe even even management might have a better understanding of what you're doing so the hippos and so fall within the company telling you know blue. I also think I think like there's for what I've done. I do the same work pretty much in every company again. There's different nuances. But my title has been different everywhere. I go oh but I'm still doing the same work so I think that also contributes to. Because it's like you know right now I'm I'm senior lead interaction designer but you. You know I'm doing work and I'm in the department but that's just what our title is before senior user experience designer. I you know I it's I've been lied. I yea for information architect. It's so but again I'm doing the same work with a different title. I don't think you know that that helps. Because it's it's harder for us to define who we are. The field is changing so fast all the time. And if you're doing photoshop you're doing it wrong if you're not catching on with pen on paper were you doing it wrong right so you're always doing wrong and to be honest. I actually was at a company that told me I was sketching wrong. I didn't know you the standards for sketching. It was always thought process under schedule. That's amazing it didn't work out very well. That sounds probably a good move to move on for that. So I was listening to the no agenda. PODCAST or snippet snippet of it the other day and they were talking about the self esteem movement which I thought coupled with this quite well and they were talking about little league and the how everybody gets a medal as kids and even if they come in last. Everybody gets metals. I'm the same in Sweden. My boys play soccer and and when they are playing a cup or something there everybody gets metal's always looking forward to acute for the metal and so what happens is everybody thinks that they're the best because they're always getting these metals or these trophies and so the theory then was that once you get into it actually working life you realize. Oh I'm not the best. I don't know anything anything so we're not preparing our children even forgetting out there into the real world giving them all this self confidence and self esteem which everybody thinks yeah. That's really good. But in the end they haven't really felt that feeling of trying to achieve and get that medal or trophy by doing really really well but I think when you get to a certain level that that changes I do have kids. I have two teen boys sixteen and seventeen year old. My I happened to be we At Junior Olympics right now with my sixteen year old. But there's been years he's had really crappy throws and just you know he qualified but then didn't make it here you're and or he made it but he just didn't Throw far enough to to metal and so these kids they they know to be cliche. Ah Shay the agony of defeat you know. There is one of his teammates yesterday. WHO's long jumper every jump? He fouled He didn't even get to really compete. Okay and so there. He's not going home with a metal so I think again You know when you're in the the non competitive team sports that they tend to give all metals but when the other kids tend to move out of that and it's a great lesson because they are competing with kids who are of the same ilk in quality and caliber all over and so they know they learn that they're up against the same competition and they are they're just as good and they may walk away with nothing so again Gannett. It's yeah I mean it's just I agree I think that we we do. We try very hard to make everybody feel good but we've got to science. You've got the the feeling the feeling of confidence that you actually are capable of doing something. Then there's the the the flip side or complementary is that it's okay to fail and suppose both of those contribute to The feeling of of of syndrome absolutely You go in sort of feeling like yeah I can do this. I'm training thanks for this. I know what I'm doing. And then the for whatever reason possibly beyond your control the project fails or more are commonly at least for me. Your designs aren't accepted per whatever reason you need to go back and change them and it's not generally a personal thing in fact it's almost it's never a personal thing but it leaves you. You could almost call it imposter confusion because it leaves. Are you in this state where you think well what what should I be taking away from this. Should I be taken away from this. That I'm incompetent or that that I'm good but I still have more to learn and that also contributes to that feeling of sort of. I don't know what I'm doing. I think it all it. All kind of boils down L. to a a pervasive sense of. I have no idea what I'm doing For me one of the Nice things honestly about getting older Laurie and I are the same age. we're both in our early fifties. Let's say and for me. One of the nicest things about getting older. There is is feeling better about not knowing everything and realizing that. You don't know everything you're never going to know everything and that it's which it's okay not to know everything but I think for younger people. It's very hard to get these kind of mixed messages. Yes I got the medals in Little League and I do find you know. There are a lot of stereotypes. About millennials I work with a lot of millennials and what I find with them is yes. They're very confident. And they don't suffer from the kind of self doubt that I did when I was their age. But they're not arrogant about it And and they do recognize that they don't know everything and they get it for some reason they don't recognize that they get regular life lessons in in it certainly regular work lessons and they learned from that and they grow from that so in a way that gives me hope that they'll be confronted entered with less of this but I also see them saying that they have imposter syndrome till I quote one of my coworkers when we give the talk. He's just the smartest guy he's young and he's very. He comes off as very confident very professional. He's Spokane Oh can conferences now. Even though he's only been in the field for a few years Very multi talented you know. He's he's a good ed visual designer. But he's also an ace coder and When I was first telling him about the talk he had never heard of imposter syndrome? Durham so I explained it to him and he said Oh. I feel like that every day at so you know. I still see this happening. Even with this more confident and more brash younger generation which is unfortunate to probably. We should be talking about it more because I can really relate to that but as as older that I can really except that I don't know everything and I'm thinking that when I approach when I talked to more junior. US designers that probably be careful. About how actually articulate late problems perhaps in solutions in that. I realized that some things are not research based but something that he just happened to think of. That was fun they. They brought something from another project Arctic but it was. It didn't fit in this project and when you say stuff like that that can make them very much. Feel of course like imposters they realize Oh my God I'm and I'm not basing this on the right data but at the same time recognize that we don't have the data. Maybe we are doing in the right way as best we can anyway right right I I also company culture plays a part. I think there are a company where I been scared to say. I don't know like I I don't know and I want to say but you can't say that and then the best managers and the Best Company is basically allow you to try things and fail L. and know that you know. They're they're and nothing's going to happen to you and that you still know what you know so again. It has a lot to do with where you are. And what what the feeling is there also familiar with both of consultants. So we're we're paid to no excuse so even though it's not a culture thing it's can be very difficult for us to sit in a situation and go. Well actually. I have no idea or I. I don't know the answer to that. What what are we paying you for exactly Catholic and I used to go through the same thing when I was independent feeling I they? They are looking to me to be that knowledge base but I also learned to say I don't know but I can find out and that that seemed to help because they appreciated shade the honesty that I wasn't trying to fake it and respected me more and I always did you know there's so many other experts that I can lean on and get that information information from. Yeah but that's a cultural thing too. There are places where you absolutely can't get away with that exactly. I was GONNA say that some some of my clients. I have no problem whatsoever saying I have no idea but I'll find out or I'll get back to you know that's a complex issue only to give you a live answer but we have clients the would feel more awkward. What is what is it some good advice of how we can how we can go about dealing with this feeling when when it bubbles up all when we notice it in in a CO worker and the first step admitting you know telling people being honest an open saying this is something I suffer from and that you know I I feel like I have imposter syndrome on some of the time a lot of the time and and it's you'll see it come up when there are new things coming along the on the Paik? It's I also I expressed in the talk and the workshop. That basically Putting it yourself out there And your work and getting it critiqued and basically you know Realizing it's not you like we all tend to personalize us and think that were there. critiquing US and they're criticizing us. There's actually the work and just separating ourselves from it and moving beyond that because it's a collaboration and getting that feedback. It just makes us better and helps us to learn more You know we all have achievements. We all have awards You know e mails acknowledging hard work printing those out hanging room up anything that acknowledges the work we do so we can rely on that that we're feeling most imposters mentors Getting a mentor Really helps because they push shoe and they're there to back you up. You feel like you have someone to lean on and then Mentoring others who have this and there's also a way to look at the positive inside of Imposter Syndrome to look at it as a chance to see things with a fresh. I you know we talk a lot what I think. It's almost a buzzword now. We talk about the beginners mindset that beginner's mind purging a project with the beginner's mind. So if you really feel new it something where you really feel like you don't get something that's a great opportunity to learn about it and open your mind to it and Explore it and then you have you know. Then you've conquered that news got in in your tool belt for next time. It's another another thing that you can add to your set of skills your collection of skills the fact that our work does change so much and is a little bit different on every project we do although it can reinforce imposter syndrome. It's also one of the things that's really cool about the work we do right. It's never boring or very rarely blades. Unlike most people's jobs so that's that's a positive thing Chesley people bolt hatred or a lot. An awful lot of people hate their jobs and most people in your ex do not hate their jobs. They're doing it because they loved their jobs the end because it is exciting and changing and there's always more to learn So if you approach it that way rather than as Oh God I don't know this Canadia it sometimes. It is just a matter of kind of witch recording. You play in your head is at the recording as oh God I I know nothing. Everybody else knows this. And I don't know anything about it and and they're all gonna find out not gonNA fail or is it the the recording that says you know how to approach something you knew you know how to learn about new things. Remember that time when you learned about such-and-such approach bridge this like that it'll be fun you know and that's oversimplifying to an enormous degree. But but you do have some control over over over over the voices in your head and what they're telling you so that's a way to deal with it but also I think accepting that it is you're you're always going to feel some degree of it whenever you're confronted with something especially challenging or just something very new and that it's okay Eh. Other people feel it to just remind yourself I always like to remind myself like I say a room with a bunch of my co workers and sometimes sometimes I'll be completely focused on thing and I'll hear them all laughing and because I'm paranoid personal. Thank God they're laughing at me and of course they're not laughing at me. They're not even thinking about me. They're thinking about themselves and that's true for most people in most situations so when you're sitting in in a meeting presenting your designs you know the other members of the team are thinking you know. Maybe the product manager is thinking. Oh God God I hope I'm not gonNA sound stupid if I asked this question about what that button does or the other designers thinking. Oh boy that was my idea. I hope it doesn't bomb. People are focused on themselves. They're not focused on you. And that can really help recognizing that can really help deal with imposter syndrome. Also as we compare ourselves everybody everybody else compares themselves to people to no matter what level they are. Are we all do that with everything but I think it tends to affect us so we have to remember that we're all human. Everyone's doing the same thing in any way that we can. We can put imposter syndrome to a positive use. When when he comes of of just trying to fight it back and put back box can actually spin spin off? Its and put it to some good use. There's a cycle where we achieved and it creates more feelings of imposter syndrome so we work harder to achieve it. So it's it's a cycle but it's it's maybe an overachiever mindset that we all tend to work really hard and so I you know it's I view it as something I have just like I Have Brown I or I'm left handed. It's it's just something that's part of me that's never going to go away. It comes in waves. You know there are times where I really Sheila imposture. And there's times where I'm feeling more confident and I think that it's that way for everybody and I also think it's a way you know you can use it as a way to keep yourself on your toes like particularly when you've been in the field for a while you can get sort of lazy in your habits and just rely on things that you've done before or treat treat things says you know. Just turn to the obvious solution rely too heavily on design patterns. And Not really think things through if you're a little bit humbled and you're a little bit nervous just a little bit not excessively About how your work is going to be received that keeps you fresh. It keeps you thinking and it it renews your energy for forgetting better at stuff for learning more about about your skills and improving your skills so I do think that's one positive aspect back so that's maybe we have it certainly part. I think a lot of our listeners will be feel relieved. That actually listening to this podcast. I I certainly am and I think it's really. I was happy to hear that more than eighty percent of you exercise because that makes me feel better as well and and people at the most senior levels people. I've looked up to WHO and learned from for years. Feel it absolutely which is there is something very comforting about that assurance during the years of interviewing people on. US podcast and that some people are very very humble humble to the point. Where you you you you see that? They probably are suffering from impulses syndrome that they they don't understand why everyone wants to talk to them. Exactly interview them for a podcast. Everybody's just human in the end exactly and remembering that is is helpful with imposters. Interesting that we have to say that it is so about the people. Well I think we tend to look inwards somewhat we observed people and I think that's why like we're always thinking about things we're Thinking about things outside of ourselves with email things in within ourselves and acts you know. We're looking for patterns and herself to and Just like with anything. And I think that that's one of the reasons it also contributes to. Why so many of us have it? Excellent thank you guys for being on new podcast. I'm going to be listening to this show. I know that to feel better about myself times. Reach out any time. We'll be posting linked to your talk. the summit as well show notes and links to Europe twitter profiles so people looking get in touch with you as well. Thank you much kids. Take him already from this. We all need mentors. Yeah I like that. That's a good point. Likely thinking about that yeah be a mentor and Mentor. Yeah actually it's it's it's a two sided coin. Sam All of all of us need someone to talk to And and and learn learn with and learn from. Yeah and we've we've talked on several shows about about the usefulness usefulness of having a mentor in fact there's one of our what our tips that we've given out during listener phone INS. That's the question Christian. How do you get? How do you kind of move on in U. X. and get started new X? We've we've generally said you get yourself someone to mentor. You doesn't have to be a rock star. Sta just anyone that you can just throw ideas to have something come back and just start thinking about what you do and how you feel about it. Yeah it's it's it's good to talk and I'm so glad I have this phrase now that I can start using more and start talking about people in other professions just at dinner with other people talk about imposter syndrome because it seems to be affecting a lot lots and lots of people and it seems that it's something that people tend to hide about themselves than we when we should be talking about it more because it's more normal than not and I think is interesting with a high percentage of U. X.'s. A non scientific survey said that you know put their hands up and said yes over from it was a syndrome but I also think it's interesting the way that it release originally originally it was seen as a female thing. Yes but now the understanding it's actually not gender specific Vic Mensa from it too exactly speculate that sometimes men are maybe a little bit less open about these exactly Inclined to admit it as much because it'd be seen as a sign of weakness. We know from studies health status comes a affair fairly often men on the report exactly Various things So he took it. Male female are or anything else you can. You can put your hand up and say stop talking about it. Don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. See it as an opportunity the learn and see it as something positive that you have imposter syndrome because it actually keeps you on your toes and makes you perform. Well I think one of our previous guests said I said I can't remember which one but the whole thing about responding with. Oh that's an excellent question. I'll get back to you with so that human even situation where you don't know the answer to feel that you can answer than than give some praise for the question The question by yourself some time you know everything. All the time reminds me of when I get questions when I do talk so you always always repeat the question slowly so that gives you time to think about the answer Sir of time. We don't know everything and not and not have it all fingertip ready in your head. No exactly thank you for spending your time with us. Links and notes from this episode can be found on you X. PODCAST DOT com. If you can't find them in your pod playing tool of choice and remember you can contribute contribute to funding the show by visiting as PODCAST DOT com slash support recommended listening after this episode is one hundred thirty six creativity with with the niece Jacobs and Chris nozzle. Thank you ax bomb. Yes you need to listen to that. Show to understand that reference Ashley. Remember to keep moving. See when they've aside. What do you call a thick noodle at an James? What do you call a fake noodle? An impasse Sta.

US Laurie James U. X. Lori frank gehry fraud COLUCCI Latvia Stockholm Sweden amy Jack soccer James About Amy Silvers Paddock producer amy I senior user experience designe
BB22 | Live Feed Update | Saturday, Oct 24, 2020

Reality TV RHAP-ups: Reality TV Podcasts

24:12 min | 3 months ago

BB22 | Live Feed Update | Saturday, Oct 24, 2020

"Every morning Terry Armstrong acting. Room? Yes again. All this John, and GM Sandy. said that he could. Tomorrow, he do it again. Hello everyone and good morning. Welcome to our live feed update for a Tober twenty. Fourth. I'm you Stern Armstrong and with me today. On. I'm doing well, thank you tear in. It is our last Saturday together for the Big Brother Twenty, two season. So I'm excited we can talk about so much that happened on the feeds cody played backgammon against himself truly riveting. Yeah I'm just excited to get into all of with you. It's been a fun season. Yes yes. Very excited that this is the final Liana Saturday. So. Sad. Of course it. For Big Brother Twenty Tale. Of probably the year who knows Who knows who knows what little mini season we may get that? I can hope for But yes, for Big Brother Twenty, two, I do believe this is the end of the road for the Liana Saturdays. Just. if they took a note from Audrey and they just started doing big brother Mini's. There we go. They have the house. So that's good I. Don't know how the quarantine situation at Org maybe we get like are they quarantined together a quarantine for two weeks together and then that's the that's the mini I don't know they need to figure out a way to do it because I think it's possible I'm sure there you go. All right. Well, we are here to up to you and everything that happened yesterday on the Big Brother Twenty, two live feeds. Short. One guys. Yeah, I I don't know if you guys got it but that was sarcasm at the beginning. I'm sorry to have misled deal nothing happened. Ultimate betrayal. By. One. My favorite things to come out of big brother twenty two ultimate betrayal. Man. Look there was approximately one. Game Conversation. Yesterday took place between Enzo and cody was about. Sixty seconds. Enzo was talking about how they will how we both pissed off the jury. Oh. I David's mad at US enes mad at us. You know so many people mad at us Yo that's it. We gotta take each other as long as we're both sitting up there than we one of us has to win Yo. That's that's it. Thank you everyone for coming to our live feed of data sorting. He does tell cody that if Nicole wins part three and cuts Enzo. Enzo is a vote for cody which surprises all of us. Knowing. How shocking. Yeah I mean I. Think at this point in time we've there's so much data that points us in directions that we're all assuming and so things like this. Of course are are no surprise I was hoping for maybe a little bit more subtle jury management or subtle like. convincing. There was you know maybe some conversations between Nicole or Felt. Like maybe Nicole is trying to convince Enzo that like I don't know he should take her but then I was like no way on it you're just trying to read too much into this. That's not happening. Yeah. Enzo. Cody he says look I. DON'T WANNA I don't WanNa have to answer those questions Yo. You got third place again. Again. In Cody, you're not gonNA have to man. You're not going to have to don't think like that. So do you think this can like? So who who do you think cody is GonNa take it. I'm sure you've been asked this question at Nauseam but does like do conversations like this help to push you in the direction of Enzo, for example? I mean he just he keeps promising them both the World I've zero. I mean it. Because because what is he supposed to do right like when Enzo says something like I don't want to get third place again is cody supposed to say yeah. Sorry Sorry Man Yeah I should listen to Christmas. She ends up third place again. Yeah. Exactly. It's so hard. It's a hard position. So of course he's to lie to them tell them the truth. Rich I think like. People can sometimes kind of think like the Von Thinking, which is like if I, ask in this way. And I. And in win it's like really bad really bad if they say if they mislead me like I just. I just don't want to be in that spot. Third. Place again you I. Don't want people are going to be asking those questions or stone you like you would never do that to me, right? Yeah. And they think like if they say, they're not going to do they they couldn't then go do it. But like you're forgetting that other people can guilt cody to and like this is a game, there's just no chance that kodia would. Say to you. Yeah. Well, sorry I am cutting you. So what is the purpose old right? If you lay on the guilt so thick with the intention of Oh well, then he has to tell me the truth. Unfortunately I don't think that that's how big brother works. That's also not how the real world works. And especially when you have people who've made it to the final three of big brother twice. They're all good game players. They're all good liars. Cody is a great liar sometimes and I think that that's something that ends has to remember also like I don't know maybe he just wants to feel better and to feel assured that he made the right decisions because the. Confirmation by this kind of thing of like look I just want to you know to feel better make me feel better I feel uncomfortable. Make me feel better because in terms of actually trying to get valuable information like endzone. Sorry. But that's just not going to happen until finale night when you're sitting there and he has to make a decision. Yeah. All. Right. that. Was the game conversation today. We did learn some very valuable other information now. Oh do tell Karen. That we have been asking all season long. More. Instance. For instance. We're GONNA. Do you think that Christmas is still invited to Nicole's wedding. Oh, my gosh. Truly the question of the century. She got the invite earlier in the season when she was working on Nicole, she made a final two in the call she got the invite, but then she tried to vote Nicole out in the triple action. Rights is the invite rescinded? Here's the thing. Limit Logic through this. Nicole. Needs Christmases jury vote. Okay. Now. The problem is, is that if Nicole re offers, Christmas isn't going to see this until later. So. How do I think Nicole is truly playing. This does she want to be able to say on finale night Christmas sorry you're reinvited to my wedding please vote for me. Is this the logic that we're going with or is it too late? It doesn't matter Chris Mrs Dead to Nicole. Really, go either way I'm baited breath Darren. Well. Very excited to have Christmas at her wedding. Oh. Gosh. Maybe she's hoping for a while Yeller to go to the jury house, and then there's been so many and so then the wall yeller go to jury and yell. Christmas go. You're still invited to McCall's wedding. Make sure you have three thousand dollars prepared Christmas because congratulations Christmas you are going to Nicole's wedding. Registered a bed bath and beyond. So. Yeah. Cool. Good for her good for Christmas I. Think. You know talking about evolving strategy a what moves will and we'll get you on invited from weddings I. Think a very important offseason podcast that Taryn you can. You can really spend a lot of time digging into I. Think these are important questions that we all need to know the efficacy of wedding invitations in big brother. Big. Brother's strategy. Let me get a thesis hold on. we also found out. Some more interesting information we've long thought that Nicole controls production. Yesterday. She said No. I'm really craving some donuts. If I ask for donuts donuts. No of course, not they say, why would they don't you don't you don't just keep getting doughnuts. And then what happens DONUTS, magically appear. And after the segment that we saw last night abou the asking for stuff. For stuff I need this I need that Memphis just wanted the hot tub turned on and here we have Nicole. Getting, donuts big shots where they vegan doughnuts. Did they drop them on the ground. Then, became Vegan donuts. There was no interest they they just completely ignored. The ethical thing to do. Is put the donuts on the ground and then pick them up. To that they came from the ground so that their Hybrid Vegan. Bread began. Didn't she try to make Cody Dona. Thing that happened. Reminiscent of Danny, trying to get tyler to eat a donut I. Now it's Parallels Fan truly the poetic nature of Big Brother Twenty two at all comes full circle. Cody was really annoyed because he was he wanted to American cheese. All they had was vegan cheese. And then Nicole just like mentions donuts and donuts appeared he like, where's my cheese? I think he got the cheese though. Maybe they started just right Malysz. Right in the grocery less they're like, okay. But when Nicole, of course productions the show runner. Shuts the runner they say Nicole said, you know I could really use some donuts and they went rudder. And somebody ran to the store and immediately. To Ralph's you go get those doughnuts. Yes I. Think I think it was also funny with the Vegan cheese because I believe various houseguests including cody have expressed frustration about there being a lots of options where he is not. So into said Vegan options like just as Vegan, crap. So it was really funny. It was sort of like Danny haunting him from beyond the big brother grave of like here you still have to deal with my. We're going to take a quick break for our sponsors and we'll be right back. Support for this podcast comes from state farm with surprisingly great rates. State farm is the real deal when it comes to home in Car Insurance State Farm agents are in your neighborhood ready to help personalize your insurance and you can manage your coverage, pay your bill or even file a claim right from your phone with the state farm mobile APP. VISIT STATE FARM DOT com today to get a great rate without sacrificing great service that state, Farm Dot Com when you want the real deal like a good neighbor state farm is there. Hey this is Haley strong. One of the CO hosts of the Bachelor podcast here on reality TV were happens network join amy I every week as we talk about all the happenings in Bachelor nation, discuss the most dramatic season, the Bachelorette of all time. Subscribe you listen to podcasts. And we're back. So let's get back to the show. he also got into another argument about Avocados and their ripeness. I I was like it was this from last night. This China's like, no, the timeline doesn't even work because I'm pretty sure it was after. Unbelievable to me, cody. You've already had this conversation about the ripeness of Avocados. We'll see this is one of those things where you have dumb argument with somebody and then it never really gets resolved and then you remember the argument like remember when we remember when we had that dumb argument about that thing. That I was right about now like hold on no I was right about that and then you have the argument again because it's never going to get resolved and so he's got an avocado and he says Oh this smells but this is not ripe yet. And she goes no no. No. It's Too? Ripe. No hold on. No, this is I can smell it. It's not right and she says, it was ripe and now it's too right. It's over right. You're overripe since what is over right but thing? Is a brand new concept cody thought it was either not ripe or right? There is a two classification system in either went in one or the other. So now to learn about this new classification of overripe was like truly mind-blowing. Only imagine what he says not there are no vegans around to firm this. Of Yours. We all know only vegans can tell the rightness of Avocado. Yes. He says it smells it smells of Green Apple. So, that means it's not ripe yet. There's not like mold on it. I I don't even do is. Maybe cody needs to take that food safety class that Lear said kept talking about. David like the one with the eggs like what temperature you store eggs at this code needs to learn for Alva Kado to understand. But also, I, also wonder about cody sense of smell exceeded kept saying over and over the thing about the green apple that was very interesting. I need to go find an overripe avocado and see if it smells like Green Apple I thought it was very interesting. I never made that association before I don't I don't eat avocado often, but I can't ever recall smelling avocado and thinking Green Apple. Yeah. No Never I. Don't think I have ever thought that. Maybe it was being stored. Right next to a green apple. A little. Rub rubbed off some of the smell. Apples House apple smell very strongly. That yes. It transferred smell I'm trying to think cody smells good is there's some logic connection I can make years. Let's see Kisha thought cody small good. Man Jesus Birthday cake was at apple flavor know. Maybe. There's some kind of. Chemical. Reaction between cody's smell and the avocado smell that when combined creates green apple who that's actually a good point. Okay. So cody is smelling I'm sure like his own smells mixed again with the avacado smells and the olfactory system within his nose a little sensors get confused now like Ding Green Apple of course obviously. But that would actually be pretty useful if cody is confused about ripeness. So. His. His body develops its own system. Of essentially, saying like win something is ripe overripe versus not right. Versus. Mold. Your. To option to switch. Off Green Apple. Past Ripe Mold. There is no in between. Ripe is the in between means I mean what is that smell right? Is it just nothing? It just smells like the thing that you're actually looking at neutral do. Smell. Yeah, they do. Once you peel them Oh. Yeah. All right. Well, now, I'm going to be the Weirdo in the grocery store smashed avocado is okay. Thanks jared. Thank you. That's what you've done to me. Oh boy. So yeah that happened. CODY CODY is spending a lot of time studying Nicole makes a comment that. It doesn't concern me, but it concerns me in regards to Nicole's. Heart in the game. She says I'm glad my studying days are over. While Cody Studies I. It. Is impossible that Nicole doesn't Remember doesn't realize not maybe not remember doesn't realize that the part three the final three. Actually questions and not just the random stuff that she did I think it's entirely possible because even I had a hard time remembering like Oh yeah, it's which to actual questions because they had the little video clips right and then you have to answer one of the. So even I was kind of forgetting that and I, think if Because, why would she say that otherwise, right? Unless maybe disarm cody but I yeah I don't know. So I think she doesn't remember I think she still thinks that it's potentially crap shoot or more crapshoot he competition that we had for so long and. You know it. It will be interesting to see her go in there and it'd be like Oh crap. Studying days we're not over I. Mean I think she's got she's got all the day's down anyway. So it's probably not a deal but. But you know. It is the kind of thing where I know I know for me whenever I used to. Really test that much. But what I did was that right before I would like look through this stuff and then be able to regurgitate it immediately during the test and then I just race it from my mind. Is So. I don't know if Nicole feels has the same method but. But if you think about the things for like a few days or like you know it's been, it's been since you know the part one or whatever. Like. Part three is going to be on Wednesday. So it's like almost a week of not thinking about not studying. It could might not be as fresh in her mind again. Yeah I think the like cramming versus actually having learned throughout the course of the semester like is intended although everybody crams right like I've also been there. I think she's been studying. So consistently, it feels like. At, least over the past couple weeks or so. So I would I would think that it would be in her brain but if cody is studying more recently, that could could have an impact or if Enzo starting more recently which we see both of them doing. So to prepare for part to that could potentially have an effect if there's some sort of loss or the recall isn't immediately there because we will see something hopefully we assume. More congential when it comes to the questions for part three. I don't know I just. I. Feel like if it is going to make a difference, it's going to be small but people win by one question. Could be the one question. Right. Well, that's that's that. Was it. That was it yesterday? But today, we will probably see. The results of part of the final three. H H with you know. Theoretically, it would be very if cody lost that'd be like Whoa. What are we doing now? If cody wins then it's like all right now it's definitely this thing that we think it is. Yeah I think it's going to be nice to have that information. We can start to to really think through what's going to happen. And I'm I'm just looking I'm looking forward to tonight. We're to this being over I. Want another result I want to know the answer and Yeah I'm curious to know I'm curious I think it's going to be interesting. All right. Well. I will be back tonight at nine PM. Eastern with Lovie to talk through the Legacy Watch. The final one that takes place during the season our final predictions guess for where the legacies will end up. and will probably also be able to talk through the results of part two of the final three. H. So. Make sure you tune in tonight for that. I'm also just curious to get a sense of like where we're always at after the season. He played last season, and then he had friends playing this season. He's probably had a very interesting experience throughout the season so. Going to be interesting to catch up with Lovie, and then of course, tomorrow morning, I will be back to update you on everything that happens to today on the big brother twenty two live feeds. and. We're GONNA be playing some among us tomorrow on twitch five PM Eastern. Monday, they'll be a recap and the final three updates will be recaps of final three their games. So make sure you tune in for that as well. On a working people find you. Yeah, you can find me on twitter at Leon are h. a. p. Mike doing the RHA BNB we have Kevin nitel coming on this week to play some funding Games, which you've got some really ridiculous games are going to be recording that today. So look out for that. It should be out soon and then. Took a break from the massingir because the mass sinker took a break. For Baseball, and so we didn't record a podcast this week. But assuming that the world series doesn't go to game seven, we'll be back to learn all about group see a new group that we haven't seen yet. So hopefully, that should be there. If not, we do go to game seven then we'll be postponed one more week but are hanging out chilling thing having a lot of fun on the Massingir Right. Well you can find me on twitter at Armstrong Taryn. If you want to fill out the legacy watch, I will be tweeting it out after this podcast makes you find it there on twitter and of course, on twitch push dot TV slash Armstrong. Thank you so much for joining us once again. See next time.

CODY CODY Nicole re Enzo apple Cody Dona Terry Armstrong Stern Armstrong David Danny amy I twitter Audrey Baseball Mini Von Thinking John US Memphis
Ep.14 Ask Auntie M

Someone's Gotta

53:42 min | 1 year ago

Ep.14 Ask Auntie M

"It's cutting into your exercise time it stabbing you in the back nine and it's attacking your peace of mind. It's pain and it's getting in between you in the life. If you want to live CD medic target your pain at its source. It's fast acting relief with active. OTC ingredients plus the added benefits of THC free hemp oil get get back to your life with CBD medic available online and that CBS these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease drive to Taco Bell La Dude if he didn't know your high after they the paper Bag I cannot curse on your podcast. I can't do edibles. Did you take one you guys. I'm thinking starting. The whole time I looked at his face is Q. New Fifty years old mine was like this. Here's what I was skinny. Here's when I was fat. Here's what I was skinny. Here's what I was back. It's the someone's gotTa podcast. My Name's Amy Jay. Thank you for listening today. We have an array of ladies in the studio and we're actually four people on the panel today. which is a change from normal? If you're listening please make sure you subscribe it helps other people find the podcast and make sure you give a rating but if it's not a five. I really don't fucking in care about your rating. I really don't don't bother if it's a five thank you so much. Send Me An instagram. DM will be friends and maybe you'll even be on the podcast cast because apparently that's how I make friends now. It's being an adult today on the podcast. We have a Newbie noses here. That's hilarious areas newbie to my podcast is a Newbie and just for the record. I cannot curse your podcast. I can't do it because you're from the south. Nope it's because I am a train radio. Yeah professional who want US lost my job once let slip and I cannot curse with a microphone in front of me anymore. You have to pay the fine. No I did not actually curse. We'll introduce everybody and maybe we'll circle back to that story because it's kind of a good one okay so mandates here Sarah. Hey what's up. And how many edibles did you had one you guys and I think it's starting to really focus on that. Mike uh-huh rookie trend has been on once so she's a pro animal concern not the not the money the I'm not quite up to like four four of them like somebody over here. Oh Good God if I had four. I would like pass. I think afterwards. What kind of animal did you obviously not a very good one. Did you bring them with you. Are they. The caramels again newest truffles truffles all right here we go. I can't function high. If you call this functioning the on a date last night high and it did not go well he was like. I couldn't tell if he were into her just really high like really high. Did you ask had snacks. I made him drive us to talk about left. Oh Dude if he didn't know your high after that he's really not i. It was high but he was like. I just couldn't tell you didn't like me or if you were just high and I was like I was just high. I can't I the whole time I looked at his face. I was like is he q. Might be every yard like we never stepped into the light so I I am not sure it was he at to face like he was one way in the dark and then another in the in the light walk out little. I haven't seen him in the dark when he picked me up so well. What are you. What does he like? Count Dracula. I can hold up a mirror and he just disappeared back like digital is okay. Here's the thing you all this online dating. You're not remotely like I would be there with a flat. I'd flashlight on my phone. We'd like to see how close you are to the fatal that you said if it's not this is why could not only because if you showed up and your photo was some tragic nick misrepresentation or it'd be like. I'm sorry liar you can go and that would be hit explodes really hard to I mean Sarah Online dates to sometimes. Sometimes you kind of hope that they don't look exactly. I've walked off. Well and I don't know I think think sometimes when it's dark then you don't have to worry about look into high either and sometimes you wake up in the morning when it's light and you're like what the the hell was that your arm is that they went home with you that night and then you're gonNa have to roll over and I always make some some of those assumptions you know he was driving me homicide. I can't wait to me. Your dogs and I said you think you're coming inside this talk about. It was like dude no tired. I just had this vision of you on the date with the shadow. Wherever wherever you go he's always managing to stand in writing that perfect place so half of his face is shielded by shadow of the operas that you think that that would mean he has a boat which keep his mask on her just paper bag? I'm going to tell you that is the first Phantom of the opera joke but I've heard dropped in a long time so well flayed. You GotTa wait man. You GotTa wait for the opportunity. I think he would have been sexier as the Phantom of the opera. Here's the deal a lot of times. I'll look at someone's picture yeah. He's cute but he's in a suit in picture right. This guy showed up in a tank top flat. Bill had no yeah I see this glasses and apparently they don't give me the guys in suits even on the APP because man oh she only gets the flat that bill hat and anybody else and you're like wait. There's four guys in this picture. Which one are you. Are you the whole. Does that where you have to guess what they actually live in yeah. They're in every picture but every picture has someone different and I know people that do that. I mean like if they want to really know who I am. They'll find because they're ugly. You're trying to give you a timeline of what they looked like over the last ten years. You can just like kind of growing around with them. Okay I'm fifty years old. Mine would look like this. Here's what I was skinny. Here's when I was fat. Here's what I was skinny fat skinny. Here's what I was. That's the last twenty years like whatever whatever I'm like Oprah. I'm either that or not and it's between you. Keep all your clothes. I did tell the guy on instagram one time that I saw on and now for a while. He has since ghosted me. I did tell him when we started talking. I said I'm not a skinny as I was in that in that photo and he's like Oh. I love your honestly I said. I just don't want you to think I'm lying to you yeah but I'm still hot talk. Show up and then be like you're pulling. The frigging opera nets to got a prize for her she does three. I feel like there should be something like a two shirt tie food. I ordered for you that you saw the touch nary well. We're not eating during during the podcast train radio professional mouthful mouth all on my podcast. So what are we actually talk to you about sure yeah. We're GONNA talk about. What it's it's like to grow up and what it's like to have adult friends 'cause. I'm not very the only way I make adult friends is just a by forcing the people to be my friend most of the time I think but no I do. I have a cool job so I- bribe people a lot so essentially you're just hanging a pork chop around her neck and hope in the dogs come around with these two. I mean I had dugout seats at the rockies coming out a bribe already there with our amounted tickets. Were better yeah yeah. I I will say that. Having affirmed in radio is always great and then having a friend who's a chef. I highly recommend that as well food textiles skinny fat skinny fat skinny chef friend know chef a French chef no chef Fred. I mean that's there are certain people that you do want to cultivate as soon if you have a friend who can organize really really well. I had a friend who came over and and for whatever reason I don't even know why open my linen closet was like Oh this won't do and I was like well. Bitch just organize it. I don't care as she and she did and I came back like twenty minutes later later in my entire linen closet everything's rolled. She folded the fitted sheets properly like what kind of Voodoo magic is that. No one can do that Asian lady the title she fucking did when you look at it you're like kind of anything is is rolling a ball like. I only know that looks like what is laying on the floor so I'll find us forever to be honest question John. Is there a point in your life when you stop actively trying to make friends or are you always actively trying now. That's what I was GONNA ask. I think you're I think the older I get the less I try to find new people be friends with but I'm still open to bringing people into my life. Do you know what what I mean. I'll tell you I'm fifty and it gets harder and harder and harder because when you're young you're willing to put up with other people's crap a lot more easily easily than I am. I do if I have made a friend and they start to go squarely on me whether they turn into a pain in the ASS or they get super demanding or I just don't don't like them very much. At this point I scrape them off. I move on and I don't worry about it. I it's my tribe. I have my people that I've history with. I'm good I'm golden. I don't don't need it much. Time is limited. Well also just like he realized that life is so short. You don't WanNa waste it with people. You don't genuinely like uh-huh yeah. I'd rather be by myself and have to be around people that annoy the crabby. I don't WanNa do that and that's something. I wish I learned a lot earlier. I would have scraped off some other people faster. I'm really struggling with people saying they're gonNA WANNA come visit. They WANNA come. 'cause that's a lie. I'm like okay and I'm the type of person that's like okay. How can I help you. Should I buy your ticket like. Do you want me to buy your ticket. They can't even decide what we can. They WANNA come. You know what I mean. Just we're GONNA come right. I agreed three three times in my adulthood to cities and had to make new friends but the ones that sorry that really care about you. They're gonNA come in. They're going to visit. I mean they're going to find that. They're gonNA make time and yeah I move like my first big move. Did a lot of people like Oh. We're going to come visit. We're GONNA come visit and then they never did so. I mean I don friendships change with time off. All of people's lives change. I think you go through different transitions when you're like in your twenties a lot of people getting married and that's a change or having kids their thirties and or moving being out of state or this and that but you always have your core that you know people that are going to be around forever. Even if you don't see him all the time you know they're legit there and then new people. I'm always I duNNO I. It depends on if you think you're a good judge of character. I think I'm a pretty good judge character. Not My own horn. Not I'm trying to find any of those. He tried to make another the term. Guys are making a really good point Sara and also being really good judge of character. You start to recognize those psycho signs really fast. Get older so all of a sudden you meet someone you're like. You're really cool. I met this woman at this podcast conference and I swear to God she lives in Denver. She would be my new best friend like I. We hit it off. We connected immediately and then she lives in San Diego or something but we're GonNa work together. We're going to collaborate together and that's definitely a relationship that I am willing to cultivate actively and I think that's the word it's like. How much energy do you want to put into this. You're not seeking it any no you have you may have a bunch of acquaintances and throughout those acquaintances you may start to identify people that you want to spend and more time with you know but as far as like you know. I remember my daughter when she was like five going to the playground. She walked when my daughter was like three and I'm not exaggerating. She walk up to these kids that were ten at the playground. She go hello children friends. She's like free and they go. What's wrong with your kid. 'cause she was tall. I thought it was wrong with her but then the little kids like little kids will go at the plate. We'll let's be best friends okay and then they're off to the races for like five hours and then they come back and you so what was your little friend's name but their best friends you know. We don't have that luxury because we're smart. People suck people I'm a commodity like I don't WanNa waste my time and unless you're like a friend that I know fits into a certain category like he lives friends that are great for going out with shows or you know doing that sort of thing but you're like. I wouldn't call them just to see what they're doing. If I'M WANNA go hang out necessarily and I look at some people even now and I go. I probably will be like remember that girl that he'd hung out with at one time or a couple of times I can just kind of tell who's GonNa stick around based on also also where they're headed and their life because a lot of people are still. I feel like that are younger than me are not going to stay around as much. They might move do do their own thing. They're grown up and then there's people older very stuck in their ways and they don't WanNa like they don't have time to hang out with you either so it is it's not that it's bad either way but they fit different parts of my life but the people that I usually find are gonNA stick around or people that I do have similarities to some of my favorite where people are women that are about twenty years older than me and I've always had women in my life that were older than me and I I swear like I want to be amy's best friend but our old but I'm only friends with older women. She likes me that you're going on your very squared away. You have your goals system. You have your you know where you you. WanNa go most people. Your Age are not quite there yet. They'll get their. You're a little bit ahead of the ball but I those friendships have been incredibly valuable arguable for me because then I can go to them and say this completely jacked up thing happened and they've already had it happen. I told Amy I said I WANNA come on your show and just give advice to stupid stupid young girls. I just want like twenty year old girl questions because I'll tell them the truth and just be like. Let me tell you from the other side looking back. I'll tell you what a dumb ass. You are and how to fix it. It and all of these things like I feel like I have all this knowledge that I just want to impart but no one wants to listen to me about it. Yeah I think there has to be a willingness to listen as well to that. Some people I think at a certain age are just like fuck yeah but I I think it's better when it comes from a friend then like so it's great because I think it's good for people to have different aged friends for that reason. You learned so much more and you also. I like my younger. Co workers like I'm really loves him because we'll also like she's not not me and she's going through girl been there. You just have drink get into wine like just skidding new. I mean really stop stuttering vodka like hall. Thanks to you Sarah. He's he's about to be an alcoholic for transplant on your way and I'll do it go for you. Have you guys it's over the break up with a friend turn of you. That's a yeah a couple of times I mean when I was younger. The break-up was like well. We just never talked. You just ghost each other right. Oh but yeah I've had to break up with one girlfriend that was it was toxic and why. Why was she talk. She's trying to like not too much sugar sugar coating. Yes fake machine. Morals didn't align. That's a good way to put trash and now I'm just kidding. She was pretty is pretty. You don't realize that and then as you grow up and you see you just well. It's bad when one of you grows up and the other one does it exactly and then you're left with his socially retarded person who is emotionally immature and you're doing often going and doing things and they're just sucking the life out of you at every opportunity. That's those are the people you just gotTa. Say Nice knowing you. I wish you nothing but the best but this is not working for him. Honestly the money like for me. I started making money because I was a salesperson right hustled like right at twenty two hours making big money and none of my friends were and I was just like we take it fagin. Let's do it. I don't think that they need to do that in return but like you still got to be a good friend right for that we buy you dinner. Every time we go out to eat. I have friends who will wait for me to grab the check now if we go out all by around a drink. That's how I'd like doing that for people but I'm not GONNA do every time I was very lucky. In the in my early twenties I lived with a bunch of people I mean a bunch of people and we had what we call the roommate banking system where all my roommates were bartenders and I was a flight attendant so we made almost the same amount of money I mean money. They made no money but whenever somebody was short short like somebody else would float them money but there was all. We always got each other's back. There was never that imbalance and part of it was because we were on the same financial footing wedding. That was one of the things I loved about that situation. There was a lot that I hated about that situation because it was just a lot but that was one of the things I thought okay. We did that right it because nobody ever was if somebody was you know you always have that mooch friend. Oh I don't have any money to pay for pizza. It got like well then. You're not eating pizza by yeah you don't eat. It's yeah exactly then you should probably go and make a sandwich at your house one. I have a lot of friends who will play that card like. I just can't afford to get a drink tonight and I'm waiting for me to. I'll get it for you this time. You know it's exhausting. It's like you've been Mo- The purse or get you to drink tonight but if you know all video you or if someone tells you they can't do something you have to. Don't take it personally. I'd rather people I will be honest with me but there is you can tell the people who are waiting for you to offer verses okay. Hey Dude like I just don't have the money to go out right because as I know I have that problem my friends do Lincoln's and stuff like that that I don't have they want to go to these swanky as places for Brunch and things like that and I'm like I can't do that. I did go broke over over brunch dinner once and we got blades. She's like I like to get high and go and have really fancy dinners but I didn't know it was going to get seven course. We're volume wash park real. Do we have a great time. Yes we treat ourselves house yes by but then the shots free because I'm trying to fuck the bartender next door. We're on a race to the bartender working not giving him Brian. I'm giving him my number twice. He's still hasn't called relieving wonder leaving the last time. He said he was gonNA call me. He never lost number and I take back. I'll be back to give it to him again. Well I'm married. That's really the reason I'm not dating but I'm glad I usually we established relationships at us. Everyone knows Trina on Single Mandy married Sarah Single and amy single well as well single as hell. I will tell you one of the greatest experiences that I had with I have I have a group Chat Group on what's up with two of my longest best friends that I'm one of them. I've known since fourth grade and we were roommates in college and then the other one I met when I still her boyfriend when I was nineteen and he's long gone but we're like besties. Steve and the girl who lives in New York I went to New York for a conference and I had just gotten like my first big big contract big contract and we went up and she invited like four other women friends to go to dinner with us and we got that dinner bill and it was like nine hundred dollars and I smacked my credit card down and I'm like pay. Hey the bill and I'm telling you right now. It was the most empowering experience of my life only. Could I pay my credit card. I could pay the bill it. It was just it was so incredibly liberating have that experience and it was just. I feel like a bad ass. I'M NOT GONNA lie like we're used to having people pay the bill for us. Even my husband my husband's a stay at home dad yet. He pays the bill when we go out die so it's different pockets of the same pair of pants right. It's like all the money yet. He pays the bill because that's what the man does and having that moment of just saying I got this new four bottles of wine for everybody bad friends come into town if they if they get a flight and they plan the whole thing thing we will get high and then we will go to guard and grace which I love gardening grace. Is that one of Alex else restaurants no okay but it's downtown great so good and we'll. I'll drop like four hundred dollars on a meal just 'cause. I'm happy that they came. I want them to feel special right. Oh Oh town so that's never show them the bill because I don't want them to feel bad I would not for any other reason people should know how much you're spending on them and I feel really strongly about that and I'm not saying like leave the price tag on a gift okay. That's not that yeah but there's two parts to this one. They need to understand that that's a big financial commitment for you and hopefully they feel appreciated. He hopefully they go dan. This is not just a nice thing. This is a really nice thing because I think too often we don't take the time to just appreciate what other people do for us and you know what they what they the time they commit to us or the money that they spend on us and anything that allow someone to go holy crap. That was really special not that the meal itself wasn't special but man that was even more special. I say that bill and go to the bathroom. Let him check is also like I think when you do those things you have to hear that thank NCUA sometimes yeah even if they're not going in turning around buying new hundred dollar dinner fine. You don't expect that but having that like hey I do really appreciate that like that was really generous view that is enough times you now to like just feel appreciated and I think that's really important and I think that goes news with not just even with money like kind of the segue but emotionally mooching people two volleys. That's my problem and I don't. I feel that there's a lot of people who emotionally needs so much more emotional vampires sometimes but yes like they suck the life. You and it's like like all about them all the time all the time. They're having some kind of crisis or whatever and it's never never was it ever asked. How are you fricking cricket like. Oh Yeah that's right. We've been friends for six months. You'll have siblings. Come on now like Gada your sterling kind of thing you know what I mean I just I don't know and sometimes those are the ones friends that have had a kind of like break it off with a little bit because it was like I had a friend who was going through a really tough time time. She'd like mentally like she had a lot. She just had a lot of issues and it was fine but it got to win like she would constantly ditch out on plans hands and it was always about her and how we can help her and I know she needed that for that time but I just got opening. It was like maybe I need some help too right right and it never never even got a chance to say that you're talking about a friend of six months. I had a friend of twenty years with this on well in an and to your point we used to have this. We have kind of a running joke. She was that sort of person. You say Oh my God. I'm so broke right now. I can't pay my rent and she goes Oh. I remember that time that I was so broke. All I had was a bag of chocolate nuts combos that I live on that for like four weeks and we used to say her dog is always bigger than your dog like whatever the Bronco is dog is bigger than so now we just refer to it as big dogging big dog in the end we all it's the same group of friends that I have in my chat and two of us have scraped her off completely and then one of us is still in somewhat contact with her but she's he's just a huge narcissist and that's the problem she she genuinely does not have the ability to have compassion for what your issues are also. There's there's a difference between sympathy and empathy and you don't always know what everyone feels like and that's one of my big out at peeves like don't tell me you know what it feels like because because you don't just just tell me like it's okay to say. I don't know how you feel but I'm really sorry yeah. Sorry you're hurting sorry would yeah you also think there's a fine line of like okay. I'm trying to give you advice but then there's just dictating to somebody used to see this or you know in your in you can tell them someone doesn't have your best interest interest at heart to you know what I mean like. I feel like you can tell the difference between someone who's just trying to one up. You versus someone who's like well okay so I'm going to share my experience with you because it might help. You know what that's that can be a fine line. Have you ever had had somebody then. Take that information and try to submarine with it because I have in this career in radio. I've had that happen where I confided in someone about something genuinely in the grand scheme of things wasn't that big a deal but at the time it was a really big deal and they turned around and went back to someone in a power position not oh my direct boss been in a power position and completely threw me under the bus in such a way that I was genuinely stunned. That's the word for it. When I got back to me and people were talking and I went what just happened what just happened and when I confronted her about it. She lied to my face. I mean and never ever back down and I'm going wait a minute. There's like six people that know about this and you're the only person that I told so there's no other way that this story could have been hurt and she lied ride and lied and lied and I just said please don't ever talk to me again because I have nothing to say to you. At this point. I can't even believe it was just an embarrassing thing you know now critical but it was it was embarrassing and she betrayed your trust. She dead and then shortly thereafter got fired because she tried to get somebody else fired by saying he sexually harassed her are without knowing that he was a homosexual that bitch. Oh Yeah Karma's like you better understand who the gay guys guys are before you accuse him of sexual harassment. That's not gonNA just like brain to in her in her defense. He was like a super straight acting gay guy super straight and had a super straight acting husband. I thought they were brothers. When I first met the do look those are usually try to have sex with myself the experience with the know how you feel Yeah No. I love the street feeling gays yeah now now. They are high but you know if you're gonNA have Gabe boyfriend and make him flamboyantly gay so you can go to the theater and stuff like that together and he can help you pick out shoes for your outfits theater now. My husband loves the theater but he won't help me pick out shoes so that's the gate our line right there. We'll help you pick out shoes. His total homeowner naked he has not you know what's funny. I want your thought this conversation. He's like she's shoes because I made a joke I was like don't you want to see these over your shoulder issues who cares. I don't care gave someone a blowjob last night. In Asana that was body can heal. I was just in my heels so say you're at the show so we asked me to come over and give him a blow. Oh Job. I said sure I was still in my work clothes. He is wearing host in his apartment address after this on the return the favor but I'm not sure he's going to have a sauna at your house. No he has a son off in my bedroom. Hot Naked Yoga exactly singles. I do not I auto and this is what it's like for you because I heard you say earlier. You're a flight attendant yeah so so can you. I've always wanted to that's what I'd like to tell you. I still my entire. Life has me stumbling from one thing to another never ever had focus or dried or any of that people. Just keep going. Hey have you ever thought about being a flight. I'm like yeah that sounds good and I met a flight attendant at a bar so so after talking to her I I was in college. I was in my senior year and I applied to be a flight attendant in February and I had to go to school to August but the flight attendants like do do they won't even call you for an interview for like nine months. It'll be fine got called for an interview right away and ended up dropping out of college to be a flight. Attendant is the best decision I ever made my life. I mean across across the board. I saw the entire United States. I mean places. I never want to go back to again but places I do want to go back to. I have traveled extensively in Europe. I I traveled a little bit in went to Tokyo and stuff like that but I meant incredible people I went. I told Amy I think in a prior podcast broadcasts. We were talking about like people on the plane. You start talking to them. I had great flight benefits but I couldn't afford to stay anywhere once. I got there and I met people on the plane that invited me to come to Calgary. ARRI and Trinidad and Jamaica and I stayed with these not by myself but it was an incredible job. It was a super fun on made no money whatsoever. I was twenty one when I got this job agree Tan. I had an absolute blast. I mean I just had an absolute blast. I and you get to the point. I was at five at five years roughly and you kind of have to make a decision about the seven year mark because at the seven year eight year tenure mark he's start holding a schedule and it just gets really easy to just stay there forever. So you know what I mean. Because then you start making a little bit of money you hold a great schedule. You're not working all the time. So you kind of decide am. Am I going to do this forever or am. I going to go in a different direction and that's when I met a man on the airplane that got me into Radio so oh it has been very serendipitous experience of my life where I just. I always tell people man I ride the wave. Some people opportunity comes up smacks Aksum in the face and they go don't hit me and walk away for me. Opportunity walks by me. I grab a coat tails and I just fly just go and so early. It was fantastic. Take it was fantastic it was it was a fun job. It's a really fun job. Did you ever fuck a pilot. That's what I really want to hang the. That's not altogether inaccurate. Okay back in the day. I flew in the early nineties. I flew pre-nine eleven and and I did have a brief but intense short term relationship with pilot until I found out he was married. I didn't know he was married. It's no not at all not on the plane on layovers. They don't call them layovers for nothing billy. I found out very yeah but I I didn't find out until until it was weird we hook up when we flew together which was not that often but whenever he would fly to Orlando he would call me and I'd come pick him up when we go out and have a great time and then one night we're in Orlando and we're at dinner and he gets up to go to the bathroom and he leaves his wallet on the table and the waiter. This is also like I wouldn't pick-up somebody's wallet. That's not how I roll but the waiter came up in the process of dropping the check hits the Wallet. The Wallet Comes Open. There's a picture of a woman in two small children. Oh Aw version of going through someone's phone yeah all diversion and I just laughed and I never talked to him again. I left Wallet Open then I did leave the wallet. I I was so mad because you didn't pay the bill either. No I didn't and I I I know what we've all known women who have been cheated on and I at that moment had a friend who was going through that exact thing and I thought it was like I'm now this woman I am the woman that's breaking her heart and I'm not going to do that and I'm not gonNA participate and I'm not going to free engage. That's not going to be who I am and he was so cute. Though you're you're like why did you don't make me into that person. I don't exactly exactly exactly because it wasn't my choice. Mary wonderful around. I could've made a choice and said No. Oh thank you and he took that away from me. So I was really annoyed that picture she can masturbate to a leader his wife and his children go ahead and now we know a family photo and you could just like now. I outlook on facebook to see if he's on facebook. I just WanNa see what he looks like now looking at this visible. I can't remember his last name. Is that horrible. No Oh okay good half of the men I fucked there. I don't know their last night though that's my phone their last names the dating APP Hyler Bumble Hitter L. I got I delete phone numbers if I stopped talking to someone in a Lotta Times like they'll get so upset. I'm like I have no. I'm Larry who this she put them on my instagram instagram so that people can see like what I saw one the other day. Oh what which one I saw the one where the guys like hey and you're like who is this one. I guess in your panties in a wad three weeks in you just saying that it's okay to just show up and you think that's GonNa fire me operating me because my phone still are so straight and part of me like that's why I want to date a forty year old guy telling you needed eight older. Maybe not forty because forty years starting to push the upper end of when fatherhood is legit and I know you've said you're you're not on the you. Don't know about kids but I really think you need at a guy who's like mid. Thirties squared away has stuff going on isn't Y- interested necessarily in play anymore dumb games because let's face it when you get to forty unless you data divorced guy. Something's wrong with him. I if you're ready to forty year old that's never been married thing is wrong with him the the delph that I was going out with we've we've all talked liked about him. He had a hard time getting it up and all of those things would have been fine like he's a nice guy and everything every time we had a conversation he would bring up his ex wife. That's not to listen. I have an ex husband. I don't talk about him. Every ten minutes like be quiet. How long has he been in divorced nine months. Oh that's too soon men. It takes longer to get over a divorce than it does. Women now there those men that he's mmediately turn around and and start dating someone to get married five minutes later but they're always going to be married that marriage could break out and they're going to get married there. They want to be married but man it takes a longer period of time for men to get over it than women especially if she instigated the R- the divorce in any way or she was kind of already done or checked out you know that's you gotTa. Give them like eighteen months and hope. Nobody scoops him up in the meantime. Here's my question for you. Andy Okay Anti does does does your self esteem. Get better as you get older. You care less so in a way yes but I tell you if you're forty changes. Your forties are straight up frigging amazing because all of a sudden like you wake I kind of jokingly said earlier fat skinny skinny skinny. That's a lie okay. I literally have every size of clothing in my closet because I'm either never in between fat or skinny right now. I'm on the way down after being fat this whole winter so that you own the seven but he just went to Greece with listeners on a boat so this means bathing suits and I'm I was. I'm big right now for me. I mean I'm big for me. I just decided before the trip first of all I'm taking my ten year old daughter with me and I was determined not to inflict my issues on her so I started literally walking around my house in a bathing suit like a month before we went on this trip and my husband goes not that I'm complaining because he just thinks I'm the greatest thing ever. I swear straight up. He thinks on the hottest thing going. It doesn't matter how much anyway he thinks I'm the hottest thing going. He's like nothing. I'm complaining. But what are we doing here. I said it briefly on is is that I'm trying to get comfortable in a bathing suit because I don't want to inflict my body images on my daughter but you know what it worked. It absolutely works so by the time I got on that ship degrees. I don't really care what these listeners side. Just didn't care you realize as you get older. Everyone is so into do their own crap that if they think about your crap it's only in passing and it's fleeting and it does not matter and even if it extends to a conversation about you with friends. It does not matter if you surround yourself with people that have your back that you trust that you know they love you. None of that stuff matters I and it is very very liberating. We'll tell you as you get older. Sex gets way better. We'd Laurie now and it was so good. It was my favorite podcasts so far for me personally. I wouldn't say that I'm now like more confident the older again but I am more comfortable. Do you know what I mean so I'm just like you. Were saying you care less so it's like that brings confidence because even like circling back to the friend thing. I ain't got time for people who don't WanNa be around yeah because I'm more comfortable to be able to say that because I don't WanNa give you you suck and if you're talking shit about me by my bed time for that right like the I don't care because I don't have time for you. Life's too short short. I think that's super cool that you did that for like to become like to show your daughter well. Do I mean I grew up watching my mom struggle with her weight. I mean this is a family tradition in my house and I know that watching her going and extreme diet when I was eight years old definitely had an impact on me and my older sister was horrible to me when I was in my teens and now rationally I look back it was rooted in Jealousy. It was read in a lot of things things that are not my problem but she made them my problem and so I've had these body image issues. I've had all of this stuff going on for decades and now I look back in my twenty s and I'm like damn. I wish I was fat now as I thought I was then. You know 'cause we hot. We were hot back then. We were too stupid to realize. We were so self conscious in so dumb. I look back on things I didn't do because I didn't want to put on a bathing suit. This fantastic lawyer that I went out with for a little while but he lived in Mobile Alabama I lived in Orlando is when I was a flight attendant and he's like you gotta come to mobile. You got on the boat with this. All my friends WanNa meet you like he was getting things serious about me and he was a great guy and I just said I can't make it because I didn't WanNa wear bathing suit. I was forty five pounds lighter than I am. There's forty pounds lighter and I turned up an opportunity with a great guy. I was like Oh my God is GonNa think I'm fat. No they would have thought I was hot. My mom always told me that like it's all it's all in how you carrier it really is and my mom was always a heavier woman. Even when she was a teenager she was heavier than I was. When I was a teenager heavy quote unquote but like I'm not as overweight as she was and that woman would slap on a bathing suit anytime mm you ask she would walk out her stuff. I mean sexy was an attitude for her. I love that Yeah Amy I've noticed about you and that's something that I think is super commendable. They'll use. I am because like I'm I've always kind of worked out. Nestle worried what other people thought that I just didn't feel comfortable right. You're GonNa meet and so I think it's I. I think that's super awesome at your age to also be like you don't like the package. You don't have to open it the I think that's when I realized that like if it really is about sex appeal when I when I left my ex husband I went on a fuck spree like I think I slept with like seven people the first week because I had such low self esteem you were trying to validate your through that and I realized that I could really we have sex with anyone that I wanted to tried she. Can I ask you this question because one of the things that age brings are brought for me anyway and I had several sexual experiences several multiple. It's just vague enough. I'm just GONNA leave it at that but what I realized was that for me the one night hookup is very unsatisfying might be physically satisfying briefly but for me emotionally it was damaging for me in the long run and I did not what I didn't feel good about myself. I question myself because ultimately a one night. Stand for a guy is a one night stand and that's where it's GonNa and but I think for me anyway you do get you. Even if you're trying to manage your own expectations when there is no follow up call and there's IT batters is your self esteem and once I realized that and said Okay that particular thing is not for me then I was more selective and and I was now I was purposeful in my choices with the people that I was intimate with and that for me was a big kind of sexual liberation in a way which sounds counterintuitive because I said you know what I'm going to enjoy sex monogamous situation that worked better for me and I wonder if your age group Amy specifically feel like millennial women have been sold such conflicting messages their entire lives whether it is on the one inside of the Denver Topless event was last Sunday and you have all these women allison et cetera part boobs out and you know what I get the whole the freedom aspect but essentially you're showing men your tits. That's all they want. They just want to see your tits. They don't care if they hang down to your waist. They just WANNA see your tests. Kreis and you're giving it to them. They're that's what they're yeah. I was at breakfast right next door. I was walking back and I was like wait a minute they I don't have any on free to dip and then listening to it and I mean great for them like whatever I wish I could walk. I love being naked but Jesus Jesus Christ there to do that. I just made sure they got like cross messages on the other side of that you have this sort of feminist line of thinking that you need to take control of your sexuality and you can go out and have sex with whoever you want and you're taking control of your sexuality but I think it ignores this kind kind of basic biological fact whether we like it or not women are responsible for reproduction and if you get knocked up you are responsible for what happens next and always had the opportunity to walk away and that's unfair in the grand scheme of things but that's how it is not only did they not make me come but they got me pregnant every time. I think I'm pregnant what the but this is careless would time middle aged thirty-five no you have. There's things you can do about that. No I know like slowly learning. I'm I'm not saying that I was not like you but the older you get you realize like do I really like because you are no matter what you're going to be stuck with the child like you or or this decision. If you decide that you're going to have an abortion which sounds terrifying that has a lot of mental uh-huh yeah you you think about that all with a one night stand because I never had a one night stand ever Xiaomi. I've found Jesus Person. I'm not religious. It's not because I was like saving myself offer some. Shit but like to me. It always did come across as if you do do just sleep with whoever you're more confident and for me I just like I always took it to mean Oh. You're not really confident because you're not putting yourself out there. You're not willing to just like yeah. That's my uh-huh sex. Today is not that important to me. I guess I don't know but like I like it when I'm whistling Wendy that I'm comfortable. I'm not comfortable comfortable doing that right I tried to be I'm going to do it yeah. I WANNA fuck. Some rain dis great. We talk about it on soft. I really like they made me sign up for tender lender pitcher she put on there. I got mad at her offer Sarah. If you're going to do this do it properly properly pictures and Eric we come. You're fine she. You're a good percent fees that also not just about having exactly like it's just about getting out there and feeling more comfortable. I think that's just eh yeah. I would do it because I wanted to feel more comfortable and see if that's not you then don't anyway I mean I I mean I have friends that have slept with everyone and I I have a friend who has left with everyone and she loves it and isn't stopping anytime soon. She's my age now. She's sleeping with a man and women and this is who she is. It's how she's wired. I am like great for you but for me. Seduction mostly takes place in my brain like if you don't dazzle tell me intellectually or make me laugh is or I will tell you some of the best sex I ever had in my life was with a co-worker and we're working at a restaurant and we had one of those relationships relationships that I call patter where he would fire off a snarky comment. I'd fire off one back so we were constantly back and forth back and forth back and forth and he would always mutter to me as he was walking by. Oh what what I wouldn't do to you so one night we're over. We're done drinking drinking at the bar and he looked ever said. Oh what I wouldn't do to you. I go okay. Put your money where your mouth is. Let's go and aged and it was pretty amazing and that was like twenty five years ago and I still remember in great detail but without that pater- he was not an attractive man he was not and as a matter of fact when my friends found out I slept in the mid like are you kidding me right now and not only that it was amazing. It was amazing but that pattern back and forth was what made me find him attractive and the older I get the more I feel that way like I don't think I could just hook up with someone because there's just nothing there sex starts in the brain. You know awkward like I know it'd probably be like even if the guy was really fucking hot. Come on over then it'd be like we've had this conversation cartoon sweet. What do we have a friend. WHO's really hot. I've I've told Multiple Times that I would see them but Sarah and I have this conversation. All the time is like you don't have anything in common with him well. He's GonNa Listen Elizabeth. I just realized so hot my God. He's he's smart. He's not fundable years do you. You don't think he's fucking hot. I thought he was the second I saw him. I was like his feet are not on the ground and that immediately was just like wait. Wait wait. How does he walk if his feet or not on the ground she's doing you bet euphemistically took that literally literally. I was like what is he short. He drinks red bull. Oh Okay so much fun and I think the first time I met him. I was just so excited about how funny was and how Cutie was. He's he's like. He's a pharmacist that I was like. Wait a minute. Can I just get sick people saying like I don't like the guys who everyone likes like I'm like what's so great him on but if he has a good heart to he's so she's a nurse and I know uh-huh from that aspect honestly Torino Serena's like the chorus. It's in the background. You can't really here. I thought you were showing me that he was juggling and I was like no don't juggler. No He is cute. You you know I now. I understand why Sarah doesn't do take Joel Talk Show. You should stick with the fancy kind all right. I gotta go see I this some of the podcast but I appreciate it. I'm not even sure where we went with. Did you just say I appreciate you to me. I do oh in the most genuine way. I'll take it in that way this time. She's like you're. GonNa put on T. Shirt and this is another podcast things. We hate that people say I appreciate you. It's just running rampant in our building a lot of people that say do not mean it. I mean it and you can tell but like that throwaway line side basically she just said Fuck. You WanNa say how going surname my podcast. This is not one got up podcast. My Name's Amy j give us a rating trading subscribe. If you're online help helps more people find the podcast next week we are talking open relationships with my friend. Kate and someone else having gotten someone else to sign on yet but it's going to be a really good one and until then we'll wished y'all bitches It's cutting into your exercise time it stabbing you in the back nine and it's attacking your peace of mind. It's pain and it's getting in between can you in a life you want to live. CD medic targets your pain at its source. It's fast acting relief with active. OTC ingredients plus the added benefits of THC Free Kim boil get back to your life with CB medic available online and at cvs these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any indices. It's cutting into your exercise time it stabbing you in the back nine and it's attacking your peace of mind. It's pain. It's getting in between you and a life you onto live. CBD Medic targets your pain at its source. It's fast acting relief with active. OTC ingredients plus the added benefits. It's of T._H._C. Free Soil. Get back to your life with C._B._D. medic available online and C._B._S. These statements have not been evaluated by the F._D._A. This product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease.

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Answering Your Questions (The 5th Thing) (1-14-20)

4 Things with Amy Brown

25:24 min | 1 year ago

Answering Your Questions (The 5th Thing) (1-14-20)

"So stress is inevitable in our lives but we can actually change our body responds to it and the impact it has on US Austral. Gonda is an adapted herb designed designed to help your body to better adapt to stress. While giving you an energy use Himalayas or Ganic. Shabana is the number one selling Gonda. You know use it for myself and I see positive results. I feel more calm and in control on my days visit Himalayas USA dot com slash. Amy and get your free bottle of Himalayas Organic Austral GonNa on the thirty counts while supplies last only five hundred bottles available Tuesday. Qna Day on the bobby bones show. There's a Tuesday song. I've I've told you this on the podcast for but now anytime I say Tuesday because the raging idiots have a song and we sing it on Tuesdays. Well no no I just anytime. Now I hear anybody says Tuesday and my head of to day. Hoa Dues Day Real Housewife Booze Day. Eight some cashews cashews day like never fails now. So I think bobby's even making like a shirts that say Tuesday so I'm sure he'll sell them and they'll go to charity or something thing but Tuesday's definitely becoming a thing which is fun because it's the day that our fifth thing is released and I've got chased here with me today. Maybe you hear him if you're like what's that that other voice. Maybe you're new. I'll explain that Tuesday's we do a Q.. And A. Episode called the fifth thing and then on Thursdays is the four things podcast where we go over four for different things either totally different random or maybe with one person that were interviewing it just depends every week is really different by. We'll say we're recording at my house today. Dan It's upstairs in my garage apartment and we walk up the stairs and out of breath and Mike. I'm in good shape. It's weird. What was going on the same wire? Hire those stairs just steeper something because anytime I come up and I want to record something real quick I have to pause here for second and catch my breath so that I don't come on air and I'm like you were doing a few other things too and gone straight into coming up here and it's because we walked from the House through the yard. I mean that's actually I'm trying to make us. I'm trying to figure out why the heck I'd be out of breath so we've got questions from you you guys. Today we pulled these from the email. Four things with Amy Brown. gmail.com if you send questions in there you never know when they might get address during an episode so so with that said chases going to read the questions. I will give an answer first. One is from Robin. Hey Amy my question is if you enjoyed your order of magic spoon cereal. Do you recommend it. I remember we ordered this and I never followed up with you on it. How did you you get it? No I got it what it's so good. I mean it's definitely expensive so I guess that's why some people are hesitant because of the price and I totally get that it is expensive cereal. It's adult cereal. It's mature cereal. It's like ministerial if you're not necessarily on a budget cereal cereal so my friend. Jackie who I work with IHEART. She really wanted to try it so I ordered the variety pack. I thought it was really great. It's a cereal. All that has more quality ingredients than you would see in other cereals I guess and then it has protein added to it so somehow in the mix. It's more nutritious for you. At least that's what we're telling ourselves but I really liked it and some of my friends wanted to try. Yeah well Jackie in particular so other friends of mine have ordered it but Jackie was like I don't want to commit to this. It's expensive and if you order the problem is you either have to order the bundled like the variety pack. And I told her I wasn't a big fan of the fruity and cinnamon was just okay to me but chocolate and vanilla. Where my favorite? And she's like well. If I order vanilla I have to order four for a four pack and if I order chocolate after same thing has to be a four pack so I said okay. Here's we're going to do. I would like some vanilla chocolate so I ordered a four pack of chocolate she ordered added a four-pack of the Nila and on Saturday she came to my house. And we did a swap is like our and actually. I wasn't even home because I was picking up my dad but still Shiro. Zero was home my daughter so I had a call her and I said go in the Pantry. Put two boxes that cereal in a bag. A girl's GonNa Knock on the door. Give her the bag. She's going to hand you. You were bag put it in the pantry. It was. It was our magic spoon. Deal like our version of a drug deal. And I'm so glad we did it because it was our way of beating the system like I ended up getting to Vanilla to chocolates which I like to mix if you order it. Maybe finds a friend that you can do this with that way. You Save a little money and then I mix the chocolate and vanilla in like a survey could do a little little bit of chocolate and then I pour my unsweetened vanilla almond milk on top and it is so good so yeah chocolate and vanilla. Those were my favorite flavors but again you can't can't order just beach but you know it's definitely something to look into. Maybe you've got four friends that want to try it and you order a four pack and then you'll all split it for ways. His interests have a four-pack. Wouldn't you know it would each get one box and you wouldn't have to spend. The problem is chase follow. Me Is I think Guan's people try it if they realized they like it and they want to invest in cereal. Great but if you're wanting to try for the first time and you're like what I have to order a four-pack even know if I like this stuff. Jeff that's that's the investment therefore if you have four friends you each get one box and it's one fourth the price get it. Thank you all right next question. Our this next one is from Meredith. Hey Amy I'm dealing can I just say to. I'm not affiliated with magic student any way shape or form. I don't even know the website magic. Hm Dot Com. Maybe so Amazon. When we were looking less I don't think so Amazon? Movie Way Too tempting or easy to repair. No no no no because of stuff on on Amazon and I'm like Oh fine Sir Israel money. I'm thinking that it's you know uh-huh okay. This one's from Meredith. Hey Amy I'm dealing with my mom being on the decline with cancer. Did you seek help to deal with your situation elsewhere. I've been toying with seeing therapists to help me cope curious your thoughts. I've never seen as a therapist before. And just want to know what you thought. Okay so meredith. Gosh is so hard and I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this but I highly recommend Getting outside help for this. Because there's so much going to encounter towards the end and Dan I didn't I didn't I didn't seek therapy or legit counseling till after she passed but my mom actually was in counseling before she died like was going to therapy to prepare for end of life like we knew she was dying and she went to and I would take her. So I think after her sessions sometimes we would talk through some stuff so maybe that was counseling for me but I really think my sister and I should have done it and we could have handled some of it a little bit better. But you're never really prepared and then we were in a hospice situation with my mom which the people that worked there were amazing and they gave a lot of information to help. Prepare our minds and our hearts for what was about it to happen and so maybe you consider that a little bit of therapy but everybody so different I think the the more are you can get ahead of something like this. I can't say for sure it's GonNa make it any better or any easier because oh my gosh look at your mother. But it can't hurt and it'll give you the tools you need to equip yourself for what is to come and with that. I could say that I could hope nope you can just navigate it better but it's still going to be a very very hard difficult time but my answer would be like if you have access to therapy. Do it awesome all right this next one from rory. Hey Amy I wanted to see if you had any advice for the beginning stages of a relationship I just started. I just started dating a new guy for only two months in and I feel like this could be a really great relationship with that being said I wanna make sure we kind of start off in a healthy place. Do you have any tips for just starting. We now shoot by two months. Ben was proposing to me. My husband like we started dating. July engage Asian October married in December though and then yeah yes and my relationships in college I was like super serious about like lasted acid two months so I really don't know that I am the best person to ask but I think that you know when you're in the beginning of a relationship. I think communicate well. Communication is always key in the beginning and the middle towards the end. You gotta communicate is there's going to make it towards the end with them and you have have to continue to work on yourself and grow and keeping you and make sure that you try to see all sides of them that you can and they see all sides of you that they can emmer emmer were always evolving. So you know it's not like you're going to know in this moment who they're going to be ten years from now but whoever they are at the moment just Focused on getting to know that person but also still. Don't lose yourself in them like you. I don't know you're only I don't know you and say your age so I don't know how old you are or what your past dating relationships are like or what you even want out of this relationship but I think that you if you want it to work for one. Don't lose yourself in it because I think I was a little guilty of that sometimes just throwing myself aside and being like okay. I just was like so wanted to be with this person that I was like. Okay whatever you need me to do. And then You know put in put in the work to make it whatever whatever it is you want it to be and then communicate openly. Honestly have fun right. I mean what would you say. I mean I'm try. I'm looking for some advice myself. I'm listening to you right now. I'm like I mean communication and everytime someone recently that maybe you Kinda like okay okay. Yeah but see the thing right. Now that I'm dealing with is I mean we talk on the phone but also she likes the texts. Yeah and I think that most women do. I'm just like well but I mean she might like Sh- wait your old school. You WanNa talk on the phone. I do like I don't like I don't like to me like have the mailman time. Do write letters actually not doing but I do. I do a lot of cards anyways so I guess that's interesting so you're struggling because you WanNa talk on the phone and she wants to tax. Yeah like I don't like to text all day but I love like you know when you get down with work or in the evening. Whatever catching up on the ever call you or you have to call her? No no it's it's mutual like. Yeah but the texting part like and I'm cool with a few texts here and there but like when you get into like I don't know trying to have like a full blown on discussion about something to do voice memo texting or Utah. I've never tested it out. Wants to see if it worked with bobby and then I don't actually Caroline Hobby now Caroline Hobby. Now she's the get real podcast which she's come come on my podcast before too. But she sent me a voice. Text the other night to explain this video that I had sent Sir about a ride made for her like back in two thousand fourteen for marriage advice. It was like we were at a bar. We are her concert. Her husband's band was playing some iheart event I think maybe and she was at a Bachelorette party to and they were there at the concert as part of the night and they were on a scavenger hunt to as part of the BACHELORETTE party which. That's a fun thing to do. I just got a Bachelor Party. You're in charge of planning like try to plant a scavenger hunt for everybody to go around town and I guess one of the things is. They had to record or get advice for married people that they ran into and so I was married and she filmed me and I gave the marriage device and it was that you shouldn't go to bed or people say you should have go to bed mad. Add and I said in the video. I don't even remember making us but I am so but my point is let me finish this point and then I'll tell you what my advice I had texter. What is that from and it was a long? Obviously that was a long explanation and so for her to type that out take forever so she recorded voice memo and send it to me and I was like okay. This is a moment where voice to text like really makes sense to me because she didn't have to type all that out because it was kind of confusing so anyway and then my advice I was that I would play back the audio for you. But it's like a loud band background and honestly I was even talking about it. Think Planning on talking about this. I didn't and have it prepared but said people say to not go to bed angry but I say it's fine like if you're fighting. I me me my husband and I am not saying this is where everybody but we don't abide by that role. Sometimes we we China to sleep apart or like. That's it's like we've tough out in the same bed but we just go to bed because when you continue the argument and it's going on and on and there's no resolve and then you're tired on top of that to me. It just prolongs the argument and then sometimes if you just get sleep and you sleep it off then you wake up and you're like well or even arguing about all even know it wasn't even that big of a deal. We were just tired. That's great or if it was a big deal than you've slept on it and you arrested and you can have a more thoughtful argument and you can say what you mean versus saying things so you don't right. Yeah so advice so I don't know if that will be useful to anybody but that's awesome. Okay well good luck with that girl that you're texting with me. I thought we were talking. Yeah no you rory luck with your two month in relationship ship. Yeah you're going to go the distance. Okay if you're always on the go if you've got long days at work maybe studying for exams never ending to do list. Juggling family obligations. That's totally me and stress is inevitable in our lives but we can change change how our bodies respond to stress and the impact. It has on us. This is true Austral GonNa is an adapted and herb designed to help your body better adapt to stress press and at the same time it gives you an energy use without stimulating. Your heart now also supports your dream glands for normal levels of the stress Hormone Cortisol Himalayas. Ostra Gonda is the number one selling Sharada it is. USDA organic and non GMO verified which is super important. You know use it for myself and I see positive results. I feel more calm and in control of my days visit Himalayas USA dot com slash. Amy and get your free bottle of Himalayas Organic Gonda. Thirty counts while supplies last only only five hundred bottles available from Kristen. Amy on the bobby bones show. I remember you talking about a test. You did to determine food sensitivities. I believe Kale was on the list of things you should avoid. What Test Company was this and did you find it helpful? Oh Man I thought at the time it was being so cutting edge and are really wasn't tons of people have done it but I thought I just like getting so much insight on my body A- and knowing about myself and nobody else does but I had to invest a lot. I was super expensive and no I do not recommend it. I don't don't recommend the company I used. That's why I'm not even GONNA stay in. The name is because I thought at the time maybe I I was using legit company because of the dollar amount I was spending but I then after that met with Kelly Leveque who is a nutritionist. She's coming on the podcast but again. She's like a celebrity nutritionist. I I don't know her credentials per se. Because I know I was calling her a certain thing and then I had people emailing me after that. Were like different types of nutritionists. That were like it's so offensive when people call themselves this and that look I duNno. She's very educated in the realm of health and wellness and food and our bodies and and I was talking to her about the food sensitivity tests that I did and married to and I think bobby we did it so it sit I did. Someone came to my house drew my blood than I mailed it off to a lab and then they emailed me my results and it said like on my severe was coffee that I will agree with because I actually have cut back on coffee. Consumption function is love coffee. I still have it from time to time but I would notice the more. I drink like the dark circles under my eyes were worse. I had a little more inflammation and I wasn't as clear and focused as I should be but also on. My severe was like blueberries and Avocados and Tracy Anderson who I love doing in her workouts she avacado is one of her food sensitivities so she stays away from it because it bloats her but whenever I'd Avocado I'm like I don't really notice anything change so I don't know if that was accurate. Same thing with blueberries but in my head. Here's why it's messed up. Well first of all I really don't think plan out my thoughts because of all over the place but Kelly Leveque told me that she didn't know if I could trust that place that I used. Because they're just taking they were taking my blood and Basing it off of like like I don't even know how to word it. Kosh Gosh what is the best way for me to say this A what is it when you get not a sample like yes. They drew like a sample conclusion. That if this many people have this type of blood it meant like they were sensitive to adapt but it doesn't mean that every single person is but the odds are if you this is what's in your blood then you might be as accurate as they made. It seem it was going to be and of course she had away fancier way of saying I just butchered at but totally that makes sense. I I but I took it as he was the problem with it especially with someone that had an eating disorder at the time. And I don't recommend it really anybody that does unless you truly are trying to fit your truly want to figure out your your body and I will go back to the appropriate person and when the time is right which that was what Kelly recommended was to go to a doctor in your city. Find a professional that specializes in it. They can meet with you and explain. Everything's you I mean. I was just getting stuff a website and I could call one eight hundred number and they would look up my case number. They didn't know anything about me and any other things. And so if you're going to invest the money you could do that. Now I will say Erin Opium I trainer. She's a fan of that pinner test which I see a lot of people on instagram post about. I've never are used it but hey you could try it but I feel like that's maybe sort of the same thing I did but I who knows it could be better. It might be better but that could be one. You could look into because because Erin swears by it like she told her she was Sensitive to onions doesn't mean you're allergic to something it's a food sensitivity like you have stuff that you're in the clear on you have stuff you sh- as moderate and then you have stuff. That severe and onions are severe over her and she said Oh my gosh. I just realized that anytime I e onions my stomach. It's so bloated and Kale is on my severe two and I used to Kale all the time thing and but I think as I ate it all the time. I didn't notice it when I cut it out. Here's the crazy where I cut it out because it was on the thing and I thought Oh my gosh like this is my new Food Bible like I have to abide by this list and again that was the problem with me having an eating disorders. I took it so seriously that it affected how I ate like so anyway I cut the Caylao while six months later after after I decided I kind of want Kale like spine. It hurt my stomach like it messed up my stomach like big time so now I don't even now I don't even touch. Kale been put Kale chips in my stocking so so Christmasy he was trying to be sweet so so it was sweet. He went to whole foods took place because he knows that. I want to eat healthy. And I don't want a bunch of candy or whatever I don't like it's not like reese's Christmas trees. Although those are my favorite so he went and got all this like cute fun stuff from whole foods and inside of that was also a bag of kill chips or whatever and I told him I was like. Oh my gosh. Thank you for these. I haven't been able to eat these for about a year because they messed me up so I can't have anymore but I used to be able to eat them all the time all the time. It wasn't until I eliminated them which I think maybe I was used to however I was feeling maybe it my my body was like okay fine. We'll figure out how to deal with and now that I eliminated it for a long time and then I reintroduced it. My body was like Oh heck no. It's the time for that but it was my severe so I don't know maybe there's something to it and the test was a little bit right but Kelly said for me if I was going to spend money that I need to like like go to someone that I can meet with that can like take more than just like my blood that male in so that is my advice on a food sensitivity test. I think it can be helpful if done correctly and I don't know that I have had it done correctly so so I speak from a place of doing it. You know just kind of maybe wrong. Maybe you just kind of right eight I am going to a new chiropractor this week. I'm super excited about it. I have this like chronic back pain and I had gone to another chiropractor and then I just just was turned off by that the whole situation and then was gonNA start physical therapy but then have been really intrigued by this. This one chiropractor for about seven months and my friend got me in with him and so I was like oh well then I have to go because I'm just curious and I filled out the all the paperwork in the survey and it was so many more questions other than just about my back. He wanted to know if I had taken one of these tests. If I ever done twenty three and me or ancestry dot com or anything you want to know my family history history was my body he cares about all the things and the trauma in your life that could be causing pain in your body and like digestion and all that so course I'm super. His holistic obviously will follow up on. Which isn't that strange for a chiropractor but he just seems like I just like his vibe? I've never met him on his mom. So I'm kind of excited about my appointment. It's going to be. I mean I seen her. It was the follow up. Follow up all know how it goes and see what with that appointment is like but I'm Gonna I'll ask him what he thinks about these foods best and if he has a good one maybe he'll okay. Well that's GonNa be it for for today's QNA We appreciate Y'all sending questions. We will have a new four things episode up this Friday so make sure you come back for that and then yeah. Hope you'll have a great great week chase. Stay by by back We all deal with stress every day. And did you know that stress can affect your skin. Yeah it causes dryness signs ends of aging and readiness. But here's the good news. So far has got your solves quench that dryness with top skin-care picks from drunk elephant. Tasha and Dr Barbara Arbres Sturm target signs of aging with fresh. and Dr Dennis Gross and calm redness with Llanaj. You can get the skin saving lineup. Only at Sephora so head to your nearest sephora store or Sephora DOT COM and de-stress your skin today.

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Ep. 2 of OUTWEIGH: A Series Exposing the 'Grey Area' of Disordered Eating

4 Things with Amy Brown

2:05:17 hr | 10 months ago

Ep. 2 of OUTWEIGH: A Series Exposing the 'Grey Area' of Disordered Eating

"Hey guys you but with my family's busy schedule we do not have time to be sick. That is why. I'm all about elderberry. Supplements from norms farms. Starting with elderberry. That are grown right here. In the United States norms farms is all things elderberry from nature to nurture. They provide an array of supplements suited for any member in your family as well as several other products derived from their elderberry farms including plants. For those who want a D I y project give yourself and your family a helpful lift like I did by checking out their wellness products and sweet treats norms of farms dot com on norms farms. Dot Com you can see there syrups extracts jellies and so many different wellness products. They're always talking about new stuff that they have. That's pretty awesome and delicious elderberry recipes. Even all that stuff is up on their facebook and instagram. So give him a follow norms farms for equality brand that starts at the farm. Choose NORMS FARMS NORMS FARMS DOT COM. Check them out one night in one thousand nine hundred sixty one on the side of a dark highway betty and Barney Hill Kat lights in the sky. Two years later the underwent hypnosis to try and recall what happened some took it as facts others thought it was a fantasy but what really happened. That September night in rural New Hampshire. Join me toby. Ball the inaugural season of stranger rivals a CO production of iheartradio in grim. Mild from Aaron. Mckie listen to strange arrivals on iheartradio APP on Apple podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcasts. I maybe that's Lisa and we're just two girls that one half a conversation with you dear. Sixteen year old Andrea Gorgeous gear younger lauren. Each episode is stories from people. I would deprive myself play myself obsessively because I was eating healthy at couldn't understand that I had a problem with food. Losing my period scared me. The most I story starts when I was around seven. That's when I started hating body body. Image is like our inner picture of our outer south healthy behaviors much bigger role at all health than the actual number on the Scales. Internal dialogue could be powerful and often super. Negative is in critical in a way that we wouldn't talk to other people that we care about. What when you start to share your story that gives courage to share. There's a no you would be proud now of how far you come in your relationship to food exercise and to yourself. I felt freedom. I've gained relationships. I've found my true sense of self worth. There's one thank you to take away from this. You're going to live without. Disordered eating outweighs everything. You're listening to episode two of. Outweigh in this series we will be discussing eating disorders people who have struggled with eating disorders or disordered eating. We'll be sharing their story in detail so please be advised that this content may not be for everybody right now especially if you're currently in the throes of recovery. Our goal is to make sure that you get the best help necessary for you or a loved one. This podcast should not replace therapy or treatment to get help support or more resources to national eating disorders dot org okay. So we're GONNA start today's episode off with a story that I shared with Lisa from my life last weekend or so. And you're like Oh we should talk about that so I went to dinner with my husband and three other couples and I was there talking to the other wives over there at the bar. Got a drink and we were all talking and then we sat down and I was still talking never even looked at the menu and I guess some of the guys that had been there before took it upon themselves to just order everything and maybe one of the other wives was involved in it too but I was so engages in conversation that I didn't even menu ordering was happening and old me would have been so hyper focused of what's on the menu because I need to know what I can eat because what ingredients are in it. Is it gluten free dairy all? Thanks but I was so engaged in my conversation that I kind of looked over. And they're like. Oh yeah we ordered for everybody. We're just GONNA get a bunch of stuff and share like we've been here before we know what's good got it handled and I had no freak out moment about it in the past. That would have freaked me out because I had no control of whatever was coming to the table and I probably would have done something awkward. Like oh I'm GonNa need a menu and I'll just order something like thanks but no thanks and I would have been the one person that ordered my own meal for me to have. Of course other people can have it if they wanted but it was so free to just be like cool. I have no idea what's coming in the food would just come out and I had no idea what it was and I would just eat it because I never saw the menu so I never saw all the ingredients and it was awesome and relied on your actual internal body to dictate. Do I like this not should I like this? Or how good is this for me or anything like that? Like just to get the feedback from your body and I'll give it a voice right and but not at the same time because you were just enjoying conversation and time spent with others right which is a huge takeaway that we want people to get from this series is that when we put a hyper focus on food in our bodies we miss out on joy. That's all around us. I call it disordered eating but I'm usually replacing it with disordered living. It's not even the food. It's everything that bleeds into And that can end up putting you in a really sad lonely place and so that was A. I felt like a good moment for me where it just kind of now. It's I'm starting to see it. Organically unfold and take place just happening and you have to like look back and be like wait. What did I do know I mean it was and I was sharing it with you with excitement because I even said something to my husband almost patting myself on the back when we got in the car. I was like whoa juicy. How cool I until I was about all of that and it's because I have that open dialogue with him. I really wasn't. I didn't need formation from him for it. Even though that's my love language was hoping he noticed because there are times where I got so fixated on controlling every single thing that I was going to eat and that was in my body that I wasn't eating out at all and my husband and I went to the beach thirty eight on Florida Rosemary. Beach cutest little restaurants and I was suddenly out and I was going to have to eat out in a restaurant for the first time in like a or something. I think I was like that month. Mark of I controlled everything that was eating and it was terrifying. I stared at the menu forever. It wasn't an enjoyable experience. We're on a date and my husband was miserable and I put us in that place. I was something to give some people some peace of mind to. He's one of the most interesting things about restaurant going. Is this pretty universal that people who experienced what you and I have experienced disordered eating have a fear of going out to restaurants and in my opinion it's completely unfounded and comes from the media always talking about how do good restaurants you lose your control. You don't know how much you eat. Big Portions these ingredients that ingredient. Sugar salt butter all the things that you know. We were once told. We can't have but I was talking to my brother the other day who is on his own journey right now and he started eating quote unquote clean. And he's I can't go to restaurants right and I'm like why can't you go to first of all? I don't agree with some of the things that he does but I'm like why wouldn't you go to a restaurant he's like because it's a restaurant and I'm like yeah but why and I was like a restaurant just serves real food and he's like what and I'm like. A restaurant prepares food fresh. It's fresh ingredients. Your body knows how to break that down and use it properly. And he's like I never thought of that because of restaurants typically not serving you a processed food exactly process. It's not fast food. It's food that's made with love and in fresh ingredients. Most of the time. They're taking time to chop up fresh basil to do all these things that actually packed nutrition oftentimes into it. And when it comes to portions just to keep that in mind like someone arbitrarily was through into a magazine like be wary of restaurant portions. They're so big. I've been in plenty of situations where the portion size was too small for me and so always take like commandeering your own ability to dictate how much you eat in a restaurant setting and not falling prey to the lie of portions are too big which doesn't make any sense. We all have different needs. We all have different bodies changes day today. Know that you have the wisdom and the ability to go out to dinner and use your body as a tool to send feedback back and know that the food is not necessarily dooming your efforts or whatever you know just to give people some freedom to kind of double think or question. The things that they've been told that they should do for their health. Thank you for doing that because that was a lot of why I struggled with eating out. And why you know the other night was such a huge milestone for me of now unlike. It is if you feel trapped in where I once was I just I my prayer for you is that you have the freedom soon and that was the whole when I called Lisa wanting to start this little series I was like I just I want people to feel free and even I'm still on my journey. I'm still celebrating those milestones of quote unquote freedom from these shackles. I feel like I've been in for years. I would say there's like different shackles. That are all related kind of the same thing but I had that freedom the other night and I think for my husband that was really cool because he has been to places me like when we were at beach where I have not been that cool to be around at all. I brought a protein bar to a restaurant before brought my own food to a restaurant before. And that's what you ate. Yeah I've taken my own juice like everybody else is eating and I drink juice because I was on a cleanse or something we knew we were. GonNa talk about this topic a little bit so I just texted my friend Mary last minute to see if she would join us because she said something the other day to me that hit me and I want her to say it again. I want you all to hear it from her. So you know I'm not like making it up or anything and also it. She wasn't meaning to call me out. She wasn't like she was expressing like genuine excitement about where I am with food now and how that was going to be cool because we had a trip coming up to Austin and you'll hear what she's GonNa say in a minute but I'll just say the reason why I want her to come on and say it because it's something I sat with. She probably just as something fun and exciting. But it hit me is like oh my gosh like. I was that person in married mean any harm by it at all but I immediately knew that I was sucking the joy from other people around me when they were hanging out with me because he knows being selfish of like well. This is my favorite juice place. So this is where we're going to go and this is all we're going to have to eat and you're going to get to experience the town visiting because they have the best green juice here and they have the best smoothie or salad here look. This is what we're consuming and you'll here in. Just a second where we get her on what she said and then I have some thoughts after that so I think she's on the phone right now so Mary. Hey Okay so thank you for coming on I. Won't you just tell people exactly what you said to me? The other day when we realized that we were going to be in Austin together with my newfound food freedom I was just excited to go out to fund restaurants and just try a bunch of the awesome food in Austin that we haven't been able to do in the past. I guess are we didn't do it in the past right because we've been in Austin together multiple times and I typically did what I do feel like maybe the last time I was a little better but yeah especially like the first time. I think you're there for a week and I think we went to the juice. Land Place I just remember. I got home and all my friends are like. Oh where'd you go to eat? Whatever and I was like Oh like racking my brain and I'm like juice land and I think we would to whole foods salad bar one you were like in your work mode a lot and I didn't that much of it I don't know but yeah I mean I'm definitely excited to go and even just like going out T- like for the social the community of it and like conversations and all of that and like trying new things is what I don't want to like make you feel bad. Oh and you think about all the time no and you didn't but it just like when you said it if for me it was just something. I'm glad you said because it had me reflect on. Oh Wow my actions are how I was trying to put myself in a box meant that I was putting everybody else around me in a box. I mean you're just being a nice run and being like okay fine. Yeah I guess. We'll go to use laser. I guess we'll go to whole foods or we'll just do whatever so that amy can eat inside her contained safe-space of this box. I was putting myself in and it did cause me to miss out on social experiences and connecting and you know conversations that can end up having around the table if you're just relaxed around food and for me. It was just never a relaxing thing until like recently. Yeah more rigid I think before. Yeah well that's all. I just wanted you to come on so that people knew that it was a real common that you said it and that that I don't want to make you feel bad because I feel like I'm proud of you and like I think and I'm excited to like new freedom. Yeah how can we just see you again? So we can just go out to eat and have community. At least I can come Wanna be. Yeah I'll have my Mary on twitter and Lisa on instagram and later on in the episode. We're actually GONNA have a girl Brenna on we're GONNA get into social media and body image and all of that so that also being today's episode speaking of how I met Mary. We've all are like really on twitter. I'm like yeah you never know who you're gonNA meet so okay. Well thank you for coming on and I hope you have a good rest of your day. Yeah you guys too. Okay bye bye okay so yeah after. Mary told me that and I was telling you this Lisa like for days. I thought how was I that person and that is just not cool and so again another freedom bell of like yes when I am taking trips with girlfriends or they're in my city and they want to experience something. I now can go do that with them. And I think you've taken time to say like what brings amy happiness. What does amy value? And you've begun that self work of getting to know what you value in it. Sounds like you value your friendships or experiences or adventure even more than you value having a green juice. Yeah yourself or forcing them to go for so long. The lie I had a a false sense of my values or you just never. We don't take time to assess our values. Nobody says hey check in with yourself are do your behaviors matchup for the things that you value. Because it's only when we live in line aligned with our values do we find some happiness and oftentimes the things that we think will bring us happiness such as being thin or even making money are actually not the things that we value the most. Were PRIORITIZING THEM. Because that's what society has either told us to do or told us that we have to do to belong and we'll wrap today's episode towards the end we'll touch on values again and then even the homework from today's episode will be tied to values yours. You getting to know your. Yeah you not not me me and you everybody listening. Yeah I thought you pointed me when you said it and I'm like no you your value to the microphone. You guys in there listening. Yeah but I'm really wanting to paint the picture for the type of person I was like and family is something that I know that I value on that note. I think it's important to always be thinking about who you once were versus who you are now. And our values often reflect that because we might be told when we're younger that we value one thing when we grow up and we see the world and we learned that we value other things so taking time to actually assess allows us to reflect who we once were versus who we are now and how we can choose behaviors that encourage us to be our best selves. So I think now would actually be the perfect time. Amy If you shared your personal story and your letter to your younger self. Okay I can do that. I can't pinpoint an exact moment that I started to not like my body but at age sixteen that's when the binging and purging started and the constant comparison of my body to other girls. I do know that a few years before that. I was exposed to dieting and learned what fat-free foods were. It was the nineties so thanks snack. Wells and spray butter. I became obsessed with fat free. Anything in everything even marshmallows. Because they were well that free so they totally fit my criteria for a meal. I had no knowledge of actual nutrients or any other parts of a food label. I would just check and see if it said zero grams of fat and good to go. This wasn't sustainable and caused a lot of restriction. Living that way eventually led me to binging on foods that I didn't allow myself to have an feeling awful so I had to find a way to get rid of it. Also around the sixteen. I started working out a lot. I was very obsessed with step class. I would run in my neighborhood all the time full on carrying my CD's player again. It was the nineties. I redo my mom's Jane Fonda. Vhs tape if I couldn't make it to the gym or it was raining and for some reason that blows my mind. Today I was introduced to energy pills at a particular gym that I went to. I was a kid. An adult was telling me pills that were basically uppers and curbed my appetite between the restriction of foods and the binging and purging and the Diet pills I started to lose weight temporarily and it felt good. That is if you think that Fat Free Yogurt with fat-free cereal mixed in for lunch. Every day at school sounds appetizing. Yep that's what I took for lunch. I'd sometimes have an apple with it that I would eat with a spoon so that it took me longer to finish and I'd always have a diet coke. The temporary weight loss felt good. That is if I could resist the bad foods at my dad's house were all of my binges. Took place even with pills that curb my appetite. I literally could not resist all the stuff. He kept in his house that I didn't allow my mom's house ice cream sandwiches. Chips Nutter butters to name a few. The temporary weight loss felt good. That is if you think making yourself throw up is awesome. I mean if it was an effortless purge than yeah there was this high associated with that feeling that you just got rid of all the food in your stomach is so flat and life is good again but the majority of purges were exhausting frustrating and just flat out awful so many times. I thought my eyeballs. We're GONNA pop out of my head and my brain was gonNA explode and my heart was going to stop and I was GonNa die right there by the toilet and this is how people would find me. Those thoughts would literally go through my mind as I was doing it. But that didn't stop me. I kept right on with it. The temporary weight loss felt good. That is if you don't count the days that I was out of my diet pills and my mom couldn't even drag me from my bed to go to school because I didn't think I could face the day without my magic capsules. I would cry to my mom from bed begging her not to make me go to school that day. She of course had no idea is because I was out of my pills towards the end of highschool into my college years I tried so many diets that shall remain nameless continuing my restrict binge and purge and workout way too much behaviors into early adulthood. My Super Long Gym sessions in college always ended with me sitting in the Sauna with Saran. Wrap on my stomach. I would drink slimfast for most meals but those are on my good days on a bad day. I couldn't resist stopping at multiple fast food places or if I got girl scout cookies I had to eat the whole box but somehow around the age of twenty two or so I decided no more pershing while in the form of throwing up I was still purging by working out and not sure how I stopped throwing up but I did. I think I was really convinced that it would kill me and I also didn't like how puffy it made my face. I thought that eliminating that part for my routine with solve all the problems but my obsession with food and diets and working out continued always trying some new plan that was finally going to be the thing to transform my body transform into what. I'm not quite sure but that was always my goal. Over the many many years of this I would miss out on family meals or nights out with friends because the foods didn't fit whatever plan. I was on the time if I did happen to show up zero fun because I would bring my own food or just not eat at all and sit in judgment of my family eating. Whatever my dad or my mom made like. I can't believe they're eating that looking back. I was just jealous. I can't get those moments back. My mom passed away almost six years ago and my dad can no longer cook given his health condition so literally. It's too late for me to enjoy their cooking. And speaking of my mom's passing. It was literally the day after she died that my throwing up returned after almost a decade. Our brains are complex so again not sure why that traumatic experience brought it back but it did and we dive into more of that during a segment that Leeson I recorded with Therapist Katherine Defatta. I'm an attached that at the end of this episode. In case you missed it. It's a deeper look into my story. Which a lot of our stories are incredibly long battles. That take much more than the time in this podcast. So for the sake of time and the story. I'm sharing right now. I want to tell you about a book that I read a little over a year ago. It's called brain over binge and after I read it and put some of the things into practice like stopping any and all diets immediately and rewiring my brain literally walking away from binges telling my brain it will get food again. I was able to stop binging and purging and my obsession with food an obsession that I created for myself way back when my first fat free Diet began as a kid and my brain wasn't fully developed. The theory in this book won't help everyone but it helped me so I wanNA share it. Lisa and I believe every person's journey and recovery is different but for me brain over. Benge resonated with me more than any therapists that I went to for my teenage years into my thirties. The told me that my food issues stemmed from trauma surrounding my dad. Leaving my mom when I was nine years old. So here's what brain over bench taught me. I am not diseased or floats. My brain is healthy. I don't have an inability to cope. I have power over binge urges I can end Bulimia and binge eating disorder without a major personal transformation. And I'm happy to say that I was able to do that. The Bulimia and binging they've ended. I'm still on a journey though. Just like many of you but I'm thankful to know that I'm not alone. Dear Teenage Amy. You'll learn at age thirty nine during a therapy session that everyone has screens that they filter things through during their life. Each person's filter depends on their experiences. Your childhood had some traumas that caused insecurities that caused you to question your worth. Then you were fed ally that you're worth was in what you ate in what size you were controlling. That was the key to happiness again. Another lie have compassion for yourself. You didn't know better for years and years. You will put everything through your screen that will cause priorities to be all wrong 'em relationships to suffer but there is hope a true desire for things to change for the better and they will. If you put in the work and you'll be able to use your story for good so that others don't feel alone now. Though we heard Amy's amazing story and letter to herself. We thought the perfect transition could be to hear from Karen Nunes AAC who is a registered. Dietitian that works specifically with eating disorders and we are going to learn a little bit more about bingeing since that was such a theme. Amy's life for a long time and really learn what binge is and what we can do to better cope with them or perhaps and them from happening. So here is our talk with Karen. Today we are welcoming a special guest to the show. Her name is Karen Nunes and she is a registered Dietitian who works with eating disorders. Welcome Karen Hi so happy to be here. We are so happy to have you. So what makes you super unique? As we have spoken to a therapist that works with eating disorders and disordered eating and you are a registered Dietitian. Who Works with eating disorders and disordered eating. As well right yeah. That's right so I feel like the best place to start is if somebody thinks that they might have disordered eating or an eating disorder. Should they seek a Dietitian or a therapist or is something else they should do. As a first step they should seek out both. The treatment process really takes. It takes a village you know and I think people most often start with therapy and then the therapist realizes. Wow we're talking about food a whole lot. And maybe I don't know how to direct some of these questions and that's where the Dietitian comes in and so If someone's struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating they typically have a full team so that would look like a therapist a dietician. Maybe a doctor. Maybe a psychiatrist kind of depending on what they need. And then the Dietitian and the therapists work together rate so the therapists will have information for the Dietitian. The DIETITIAN will have information for the therapist. They'll kind of work on it as a team. And it's really overlapping. You know so therapists will if you're working with someone with eating issues. Of course foods GONNA come up. And if you're dietitian working with someone that has eating disorder disordered eating. Of course emotions are gonNA come up and feelings are going to come up. So there's a lot of overlap but it's really important to have you know to kind of tackle it from both angles. Because they're so intertwined the emotions and the actual food and eating when I think back to my days with disordered eating. I would argue that. I knew too much about food. How does a registered DIETITIAN ASSIST WITH SOMEBODY? Who knows too much about food? What sort of tools can they bring to the table? So that kind of reminds me of one of the hallmark defining points of what the disordered eating is. And it's when you're looking at at external cues versus internal one's external cues for example. Would be avoiding gluten because you saw A blog post claiming that it was poison right versus like avoid gluten. Because you notice that it's giving you stomach aches so you can have all the nutrition knowledge in the world but if you're not aware of what's going on in your own body none of it matters like it doesn't apply to you so it makes it really hard when you're like so obsessed with all the external cues because I mean understandably so this society we live in. It's all you hear it gets really hard to go inward and to listen to your body and to use your body's was done rather than some wisdom that someone else's giving you or that you're getting from another place that isn't related to you or what you're going through something literally just popped into my head and so. I WANNA say it so. Don't forget to ever say it in this entire series but I got so messed up with if something was gluten free or had it on the package or packaging or ingredients like and I thought I knew what ingredients are good for me or whatever but because I was trying to like be in such box like I would opt for some sort of bar that I saw that fit my criteria and I would but I I would never eat a banana because it was too much sugar because it didn't fit in my criteria so I would eat some processed engineered product that just because it fit into my box. I I'm struggling for words too because Karen I am. I'm in this right now and trying to get out of it and I don't WanNA use like the wrong language to throw anybody off. That's listening but nutrition. It's a nutritious food. I was going to say it's like a good food or a healthy food. But like I'm really struggling with like me separating or stopping the use of foods being good foods being bad but I know that a banana is freaking nutritious. But I wouldn't grab for something like a banana or an apple or blueberries because of the sugar content but I would grab for something else on a shelf just because it said it was gluten free. Like that's how messed up. My thinking was and I get the banana whatever's gluten free. I'm just giving you like extreme examples of like I would stay away from foods that are grown from the earn. I think you bring up such a point. That's going to resonate with a lot of listeners. In part of your story that you've mentioned is some macro counting the one of the things I found most fascinating about macro counting from people that said. Oh this is freedom is the fact that they would reach for food when they weren't hungry to reach their macro nutrient markers so. I need plenty more grams of protein. I'll go get this bar. That has twenty grams of protein and completely ignoring the fact that the body could be wise even like the general idea of it Don't care and a lot of people will say or I've heard people overuse or use the word binge. What class is a bench? Oh I love this question. One of it's funny because one of my pet peeves is when people say like. Oh it felt Benji that we'd Benji. I'm like what does that mean. What are you really trying to say when you say? Something's help Benji so I guess we can start by defining what a binge is binges different for everyone but a typical binge would look like eating a very large quantity of food so like objectively speaking a very large quantity of food in a short period of time. It is often done at a very rapid pace. Usually done in secret and usually done with feelings of guilt and shame. And you know no attack. You know awareness of hunger and fullness just kind of it's a tool it's usually a tool to numb or cope with something it can. There's different types of benches sometime. Be Emotional some can be a byproduct of restriction just being really really hungry and kind of losing control but when people say field something feels Benji. What they're really saying is that they feel a loss of control around food and that again can happen for a lot of reasons. So one of the most typical reasons we see that is because people try to be really restrictive and rigid with their food. And it doesn't work and then they end up you know. Kinda just giving up and losing all sense of control with food so swinging from like one end of the spectrum to the other and when you think about disordered eating I kind of or eating disorders. I kind of envision it as a spectrum right so on one end you have more of the symptoms of over control so more. That's the very Extreme end of that spectrum would be anorexia things like over exercise or dieting. Things like that would be on that end of the spectrum and then the other end of the spectrum is more of the under control more of the binging the compulsive overeating emotional eating things like that and then normal eating kind of fall somewhere in the middle right. That neutral ground healthy. What kind of what? Everyone is going for the more often everyone exists along the spectrum. You know you'll have days you know stagnant kind of all over the place but the more often you push yourself to one extreme where we typically see people swing even farther into the other extreme so kind of like the bench restrict cycle and so. Yeah we're kind of trying to look at you. Know people are really worried about bingeing but not really looking at the restriction that may be causing it and sometimes it looks like going on a diet and then having a cheat day every weekend or whatever. It can look a lot of different ways. But I'm so glad glad that you said that because I experienced never purged but I had a season I mean like literally a season but a season of my life where binging was a big part of it but I was eating I I know. Because I'm a nutritionist. And I had caloric awareness that I was eating enough or what I thought was enough in my remember telling my therapist. I'm binging and she said could it be related to restriction and thinking back now to it it was. It wasn't total calories which I often see with my own clients results in binge later in the day. That's a very common theme but for me it was actually. I was eating enough calories but I was still restrictive with what I would eat and it's still resulted in a binge which brings me to my second question is in your opinion. Does it have to be. The typical Oreos Doritos cheetos to be a binge. No definitely not what I see. Most often is people have been on the things that they restrict so oftentimes people will not allow themselves to eat those foods that they label as bad so you know whatever they may be and those are the exact foods that they're benching on so it doesn't really and everyone has their different fear foods right maybe for some people. It's carbs maybe for some people. It's fats maybe for some people. It's bananas like what it doesn't really matter what it is. It's the thing that you're restricting is the thing that's going to have that little glitter. You know in your I look at it. It's not saying that's going to be up on the pedestal. That thing that's going to have the power so it can be. It's typically the thing that you're restricting is gone and yeah it doesn't have to be caloric like restricting can look like denying yourself food that you enjoy eating. Even if you are getting enough calories and nutrition like Lisa and I were having this conversation I think just on maybe facetime the other day about if you're outer wisdom and knowing what foods are nutritious for you and I I don't know when you're working with someone as their Dietitian like are there ever times and Lisa said this that a client might need to go eat whatever they've been restricting from their life and just eat that like if it's for me doughnuts all day or Chick-fil-a like I know that that's not gonNa make me feel good but because I've restricted it like if I were to go through chick-fil-a which I love Chick-fil-a Shutout waffle fries like bear amazing but there was a time where I couldn't have that without my whole day being completely derailed so I would get chick-fil-a and then that would mean okay. That was my bad lunch like I need to plan some bad snacks between now and my bad dinner because this is my bad day because I've gone done blown it instead of if I were to just let myself eat the chick-fil-a and the Yom that was amazing moving on with my day can't wait till I'm hungry again. Don't know when that is but I'm just going to roll with it like I would just go into that and so sorry. I'm struggling with like how I want to say this but I think Lisa and I were saying the other day like I know that vegetables and fruit and lean proteins or whatever. That looks like it's going to be something nutritious for my body and that it needs but I don't want to restrict myself from having the chick-fil-a if I want to but if you give yourself that freedom permission your radical permission like I can have chick-fil-a any day that I want to therefore somehow my brain like I'm giving up that permission and all the sudden it's less desirable but sometimes to maybe teach ourselves of food makes us feel if I need to go have chick-fil-a seven days in a row or donuts like for every meal five days a week like I'll kind of learn. Naturally I don't know. Is that ever a prescription to like? Tell someone give yourself permission to have it every single day. And then you'll see like you have freedom from it absolutely 'cause when you give yourself that time mission you free up a lot of brain space you have all of a sudden time to go inward and to realize. Oh I actually don't feel so great when I'm eating XYZ but if all you're thinking about is eating XYZ you can't go that next step you can't you can't go inward and feel what you're feeling. You're too clouded by the anxiety or the judgment or the guilt and so it makes it really hard to make food choices that feel. Good both mentally and physically. Because it's really hard to feel what's going on in your body. You're so in your head by dropping all of that which is again like the hard part. Then then you're finally able to really listen to your body and listen to what it's asking for and that's when the freedom starts because then it will most likely won't ask for a donut every meal because that's not going to sustain us and so I think Lisa was even saying when I was talking to her about it. She's like yeah. Sometimes I maybe had to tell people go ahead. Eat doughnuts everyday. See how you feel and then yet might help fix the problem and I only learned this myself by giving myself permission on the weekends which used to be. You know these this time. It was this constant guilt. Because I wanted things didn't and then I'd let myself have it and then go into Monday with a new set of rules. When I started listening to my body that I found on Monday I was craving this body that I thought was unruly. Was Actually asking me for a salad. I didn't have to have a salad but I wanted a salad but I also have a salad with bread now because I recognize that bread is allowed at all times and by allowing myself to have a piece of bread. Now I didn't binge you know at other times but one thing I just want to say before I ask you a second question that goes into both of what amy I experienced this binge on quote unquote healthy foods that I were allowed. I am not the girl that reached for Doritos Oreos Chick-fil-a I shall. I loved healthy foods so much that you know I remember. I used to laugh because I by the party size container of Hamas which was like a jar. I don't even know how to explain that size being met last most people weeks or months you know and I'd I'd come home and eat the entire thing of Hamas so I'm not amy and I. We have a friend who had recently told us that she binge eats on carrots. So it's just want to say that any food could fall within. Yeah I think right and you had said like a lot of times. It's what you restrict that you end up binging on in a while. I totally think that's the case. But what about people to that? You know? Eat an entire sleeve of rice cakes. They're not doing it because the like I personally do actually enjoy a rice cake but I got to put some nut butter and honey on it like. That's that's awesome to me. I don't think that rice cakes are bad but there is no way because I have been there and I've had to tell myself there's no way that entire sleeve of rice. Cakes is amazing. What my body was craving. I was just in a big engine mindlessly. Just not much food but to say that that might not you needed sustenance. Maybe you needed a full meal. Not the entire sleeve of rice. Well I mean I don't even know how many in there but I can tell you and that wasn't all I was consuming by the way it was like that was that and then the till I went into the pantry. Reach for something else. What about when we're just binging but it's not the food we've been restricting but it's probably happening because we restricted just wanted to highlight that there's many types of binges that but regardless what can someone do after a binge to cope in a healthful manner. It depends on a lot right like when we talk about people's relationship with food. We're talking about much more than what they're eating we're talking about how they're eating thoughts surrounding the food exercise. The body image the intentions and you know taking a deeper look at why the bench happened. Why they're doing what they're doing because at the end of the day food is more than just right every behavior. These certain things that we do with food they it serves function. You know it can be used as a tool for soothing or a coping mechanism or can you know use food to change your parents in order to feel accepted or be used as a form of communication and control the way to identify yourself like the list goes on as like the different functions that these certain behaviors play. They do something for someone so yeah it may just be that you are starving yourself and so ben Chapman but it may also be a laundry list of other things so what I would say is after binge or after any behavior use rate. Take a minute to sit back and ask yourself like what the hell was that about. Why did that happen and maybe go back? Try to put the pieces together. What led up to this moment? Where did it begin? Wh where did I get off track? So really going deeper and recognizing that it's probably not about the food to be honest. There may be something else going on. And maybe the place to do that is in your therapist office or with a friend or loan in your journal like writing it out. Whatever works for you but I think the first step would be to just kind of go inward and ask yourself like what happened. What happened there and like doing it without judgment without shame. Like you know not beating yourself up because you did whatever it was like just trying to look at it in a compassionate way and understanding what led to it so that we maybe next time you feel about trigger. You are able to do something a little bit differently. That is actually helping you. You know instead of masking whatever it is for people that are curious as to eating patterns are normal or maybe feel a bit disordered. No one can tell you something is disordered or not just by looking at the behavior itself and judging by the behaviors alone isn't enough it really comes down to what's going on inside so the thoughts that urges beliefs intentions That lead to certain choices or behaviors which it's really hard to you know. I can't tell you that it's really only yourself that can tell you something feels off. Taking a deep dive inward versus reacting and grabbing more food rules would be a much more helpful sustainable solution to make change. Yeah absolutely so. What about the phrase food as medicine? And what extent do you do? You believe that that's true and like a right way of eating versus like a wrong way. Can you just touch on that specially as a Dietitian? It's a really interesting. Yeah combination. Have you yeah? Food is medicine absolutely one hundred ten percent. It depends what it is that needs healing is how you're going to use it. If you're struggling with a chronic disease fruits and be a really powerful tool in mediating that in taking care of your physical body what I specialize in is more people that are struggling with the mental portion of health and using food as medicine in that respect can be really powerful just as powerful as it can be in healing the physical body and ways that we do that is by neutralizing food so instead of looking at foods as good versus bad just kind of making them all you know all it's equal foods can fit type of looking at it through that. Lens kind of taking the power away from food. Food is not just food but it shouldn't be a source of anxiety or distress. You know it shouldn't be rigid or rule based or source of guilt. I love how your food is is medicine. Is this phrase that can kind of take people down the road of Orthodoxy? But what you're saying is not is all food is medicine as long as you're using it in a way that protects your mental health. So just GONNA use typical food here. You know. An OREO food can be medicine if that oreos being shared with your grandmother who you don't have much time with or something you know if you're if you're creating a special moment with somebody to connect that food can be medicine for the soul food for the soul. It's refreshing to hear that actually. Yeah now an important and I think an important thing for a lot of people to here. I can't think of how many times I missed out on eating something special with I mean. My Dad has feeding tube right now and food was his love. Language troll mentioned that a million times during the series but I was how he showed love and love to share new recipes and cook things for us and now the last almost two years ever since cancer surgery. He's had a feeding tube and he can't eat and had a stroke so hands don't really works so he can't cook like he used to. I'm just like Oh bummer. Like I hang out with them now and I'm like Dad I've even said to him as in this process of healing that. I'm so sorry like I was such a party pooper. I I mean how did you even hang out with me because I would show up with my own stuff or I wouldn't eat it or worse? I would make him feel bad about what he was cooking for us. And what a high horse I was on and just how it literally call it my healthy eating high horse yes I want to go back and just kick myself and be like wake up stupid or go back and hug yourself. 'cause we're getting at a compassionate. You're right I'm GonNa give myself grace because I didn't know any better but gosh it's just a No. There's probably a lot of people in the same way but you know it's not too late. We still have a lot ahead of us. At least I do in life I hope. And maybe my dad will one day soon. That's the goal. We're trying to get him healthy and I'll be like what do you want to and I'm gonNA eat at all. Or what do you want me to cook for US? And let's eat it together because that will be nourishment to my mental health right. Yeah it can be such a powerful healing tool if you're using it the right way and it can also it can be such a form of distress. It has so there's so much power about we put in food. It really has the potential to go so many different ways. It's really up to us. How we how we decide to use it. Okay well thank you Karen. We appreciate you coming on so much and sharing. Your wisdom with us can go follow carrying at care for yourself and that's care with a k. Oh I like that. Thanks for having me so part of this series is hearing personal stories from real people and I shared my earlier in the episode. Lisa shared hers in the first episode along with a few other girls. So if you happen to me just now listening and you're like wait. There's another episode. Yeah go back to last week and check that out but for now I WANNA get into Lawrence Story and her letter to herself. So here's Lauren. Dear Younger Lauren. I'm sorry for being so critical and judgmental of your thoughts actions and physical attributes. I'm sorry for forcing you to chase in cling to a one dimensional notion of perfection that led you to missing out on experiencing joy. I'm sorry you thought you didn't deserve happiness. If I could change one thing about that time it would be nicer to myself. More forgiving and gentle. I can see clearly now that you just need a hug a friend and a little kindness and proud of you for excelling in school and being there for your family during that. Time of internal chaos. I know you would be proud. Now of how far you have come in your relationship to food exercise and to yourself my name is Lauren. I started to become aware and self conscious of weight. Elementary school around puberty. My first attempt at weight loss was in the fourth grade. When I convinced my mom to send me to Tristesse to lose weight lots of rice cakes which by the way I do enjoy to this day things got worse in high school when the only food groups I would eat raw vegetables. A lean protein diet coke in high school. I also exercised and counted calories obsessively and experimented with laxatives. Diet pills diuretics. I was depressed and in high school. My parents fought a lot at home. My obsession with food and exercise gave me a purpose and sense of control. It gave me an identity and schedule. I missed out on social events eating my grandma's delicious food on holidays and a whole lot. More I also lost my hair and my period losing my period scared me the most. And that's when I knew something had to change. I wasn't sure what or how. But it had to. If I had to describe my life in one word during this time at my most restrictive and consumed it would be small deep down. I knew I didn't want to live my life small. I wanted to take up space and soak up experiences. Both food related and non food related. My relationship to food and exercise started to shift a bit and college in the beginning of college I would say went to the opposite end of the spectrum and ate all of the food. I had missed out on for years to the point of uncomfortable fullness and renounced exercise altogether once the novelty wore off of eating all these foods. I hadn't eaten for years Meyer. Relationship to food became a little bit less dramatic and I started to exercise once in a while. I stopped counting calories but still viewed certain foods and food groups as good or bad post. College is still hopped on. Fad diets counted calories. When I felt out of control but not to the extreme that I didn't high school it is only within the last few years. Well into my thirty's that my relationship to food and exercise has become the healthiest. It's ever been my whole life. I spent so much energy time and missed out on relationships and social events because of my preoccupation with food exercise and looking a certain way what it really comes down to is. I don't WanNa miss out anymore. Life is too short and when I really breakdown that thought process if someone were to judge me based on how I look. I don't need or want them in my life anyway. I don't judge other people that way. Why would I judge myself so harshly? That's not to say that. Old Thought Patterns do not creep up regarding restriction or the morality of food for example but I use tools to self soothe and bring me back to the perspective I ultimately want which is to not miss out on all that life has to offer so many of the tools Lisa and the wellness S.'s provide have been helpful with this and I go back to them often. I had this desire before to not miss out on life but since taking the leap to truly nurture an honor this desire. I am able to let it guide my decisions and the way I live my life and food choices and exercise become secondary. They are important but they're not the most important part of me. They don't to find me. It can be hard to maintain this perspective in the culture and world. We live in so I always try to be aware of the noise and navigate. The Best I can when Mary was on a minute ago. We talked about how we were. GonNa have Brennan and she is someone that I found on instagram. But only because of Lisa and I found Lisa on instagram because somebody had reposted her. So whoever you are they know whoever reposted at the well necessities thank you and Brenna is at the well full and we'll get into that with our talk with her but we thought it was an important conversation to be had because she is in that platform that social media world and I mean Lisa. You are to any social media whether anything can be toxic for anybody struggling with body. Dismore FIA body image issues. Because I mean a return you could encounter a food page or a swimsuit page. You think that you have a problem and you go looking for that quote unquote solution on Instagram. You will find it and you will get stuck there meaning. That could be good or bad so if you think you need fitness motivation because you don't like your body and you start only following fit spo- accounts you'll start to feel like the world. Looks like just fits Bo models and that reflects negatively on. How you feel about yourself if you see your problem is I have a poor relationship with food and my body and you seek out body positive or body neutral accounts or people that are promoting a more positive self acceptance message. You will find that so. I think that it's really easy to feel like what you see on your feet or on. Your stories is reality but know that there's so many different pockets to look into and we always find a more positive environment. I guess as long as we're willing to search for it okay so now we've got Brenna o'malley on and on Instagram Brennan. You are at the wealth fall W. E. L. F. U. L. and I have so enjoyed following you and you're a newer follow for me and I wish I would have been following you for like I don't know my whole life. I feel like you put so much out there. That's just exactly what I need to hear at that moment or I had a friend that was struggling with something the other day and quite honestly it was a friend who I thought you know. Life was going pretty great. I had no idea that she was dealing with some food issues and body stuff at all and she just sent me a note saying hey this is what's going on and I thought. Oh my gosh you need to see this post and are you following and I immediately center. Lisa's Instagram I was like you've gotta follow the well necessities. Then you've gotTa follow the Welfare Bills. Go To's because I was able to send Ersan posts and then also give y'all's instagram's as a resource for someone and social media gets a bad rap at times for being so negative and toxic but for me. If you use it correctly it can actually be a pretty amazing place that can connect you with really cool. People that are doing really powerful things and sell. How do you see your instagram? And what do you want to use it for? And how did you start it first of all thank you? That's such a sweet story and I think you're right like it's so awesome to be able to connect in such an interesting way over social media so I started my social media like as Justin instagram handle at the wildfowl and twenty seventeen after a few other like of just kind of health or nutrition. Sort of INSTAGRAM's but I had been working with a lot of other Dietitians to help their social media's grow and I was about to start my dietetic internship so I was feeling a little bit more confident in. I guess having a message out there and my actually started when there was the coconut oil articles that came out in that summer and I know Lisa did like a whole live on that on her facebook and instagram too. But I felt like there was set those like this peak for me of so much confusion and misinformation online and all of these kind of conflicting messages over. You know what is quote healthy and what is not and just felt like. I wanted to be able to start like have some. You know mediating input there and have a source was kind of helping to navigate those matches that were run up to speed. Brennan is a registered. Dietitian now guess. He started the willful right. Before and the coconut oil debate was basically. Everybody was using coconut oil. Prior to two thousand seventeen for like a year or two and then a big study came out that said don't use coconut oil and everybody started to panic because their favorite oil they now learned was something they they. They were confused so the news left the consumer very confused. I feel like that's every few years we're left very confused eggs okay. Should you have the yoga because you only have egg whites? Should we eat this or that? Should we be putting buttering our coffee? Like just there's all the fads out there and then obviously a lot of the fads become news. I was watching a legit news program the other day and the whole thing on Kito and that this is whatever it is doing and they're just preparing these recipes and they're just throwing that out there because they know it's a buzz topic and that's what's going to get them views but then I'm like. What are you even saying right now because this fried chicken you just made is considered quote. Unquote Kito. Now that it's okay you can eat as much as you want. It's Kito and I'm like please. So yeah there's always different buzz things I think in the media and online and does get confusing but Brennan in your experience. Like how does instagram? We'll talk about that in particular. How how does it contribute to disordered eating or or EXCA- in your mind? I think a lot of what we can see is I think is really interesting. Because it's an image based platform right so what we're getting is like these images and then text underneath and I kind of also contributing is that everybody has access to it which is great and a lot of ways. You know everyone kind of have this platform that can make their business or you know share different information but it also equalize us in like who is sharing this information. So we don't always know what's the source. Where is this coming from? And so that combined with this being an image based popcorn and we often can see things like you know someone posting a photo because it has to come with the photo right so it's either of like their own body or someone else's body or a plate of food and then we have this message attached to it and it kind of ends up associating this message maybe around health or you know what is float like a good food or these different kind black and white messages with these images and that can really play really easily into our own associations west body image and what health looks like and really just putting all of this into that image focused and so there's been a lot of research to around our associations and how social media is affecting us all especially You know everybody but especially there's you know. Focus on like young females too. And you know there's a study out of Royal Society for Public Health saying that like nine and ten teenage girls are unhappy with their bodies and then also looking at like things like facebook and instagram for short period of time with increasing those body image concerns compared to people who weren't using those platforms or feeling like they wanted to change things about their appearance after spending time on those social media platforms so those images and masters that we're getting our. You know impacting hauer feeling about our bodies too so lives like right with the filters and the the time spent that goes into curation that most people spend especially like pro content creators that doesn't translate to the consumer or the instagram user. That oh they're perfect life. I wish that message was better. Told because a lot of people use it for like art and they create an image that's just so unattainable whether it's a plate of pancakes or them on vacation but there's no understanding of the time that went into creating that and so when they compare it to their plate of pancakes or their vacation aren't as brighter. The details aren't so whatever they're left with something a bit more drab because it's real life yeah and even thinking about like all of these things even if you just take one photo of yourself and then you take two more steps and take another photo of yourself like your photo. That photo looks totally different. And so if we think of that like in terms of instagram like you're only getting these like tiny tiny little snapshots into whether someone's like way of eating or life or what they look like or what anyone looks like you know. Those are just such a tiny fraction of reality. We're just not seeing ourselves and I'll admit I if I'm doing a story and I pull it up and I'm like Oh like I can see every blemish on my face all the wrinkles come in through all the imperfection on my skin. I'm like okay. I just swipe to a different filter and it's like Oh okay. I can speak to the camera now because I feel more comfortable with people seeing me in that but that is my own way of photo shopping my face and you know I. I don't have faced tune or whatever it's called on my phone but I know that's a thing where people alter brush away cellulite on their legs if they're on the beach or in we just got this thing that like anybody on. Instagram. Their body is perfect. They don't have cellulite. They don't have this and it's this false image that I'm guilty of participating in because I use a filter like do I face tune my body. No I know that it's different. I know it's it's a complicated topic. And that's not what we're gonNA totally dive into right now. Because I know it's so different but it's it's almost like a gateway like okay. Why change this about myself? And then you see yourself in that real light sometimes and you're like Oh shoot like is that. I was forgot what I looked like because I kept seeing myself in the Dang filter but when it comes to our bodies we don't even have a healthy sometimes perception anyway in our head of what we're even seeing and I did see a post that you put up. That said I once had a therapist told me that our bodies don't physically change very much every day and me thinking I looked completely different. One day to the next was more about my perception of how I see myself than what I actually look like. And that's how I learned about body image. That is how I really learned about. Body image as a term was what is it. Body image is like our inner picture of our outer cells. I mean I still am very fascinated by it but I think it's so interesting because it's not about what we look on like on the outside right so a lot of the Times I think when we talk about like audie positive or positive body image we kind of got into this like aw about accepting or loving all of ourselves all the time but really body image is about how we see ourselves and people of all different shapes and sizes and abilities and like looking all different sorts of ways can have all different degrees of positive body image neutral body image. How they see themselves so it's not influenced by our external appearance but it does influence how we see ourselves. And then how do you think? Social media plays a role because again social media can be so amazing but at the same time it can be toxic if we're looking to it for some sort of approval and we're putting too much weight in that on how we see ourselves of like. How many comments do we get about our body that then turns back into our brains of like well shoot? Nobody commented the my body. Look good so now Now it's one of those days where my perception is that my body's not good whereas the next day or the day before you might be feeling like you're rocking your body and your so confident owning it like it can be something quick that focusing on that we didn't get any comments and then boom our brain shifts to that our body must not be good or whatever it is right. Yeah and I and a big piece of also comes from like you know who like we're talking about these curated images on social media so a lot of the times we're seeing you know maybe one body type often right like there's definitely like the thin ideal in our society and like kinda seeing very similar types of bodies on magazines and you know in social media and also those people feeling like thought saying pressure to like. We're talking about kind of like filter yourself to kind of attain that same image so impacts all of us but then as like end-consumer when you're seeing these different posts about you know whether it's intentional or not but someone who maybe is talking about you know eating a certain way to look a certain way or seeing these same types of bodies that can make us feel like even in our conversation just now talking about kind of how we feel that pressure to add it ourselves or look a certain way whether it's with a filter or with like our eating habits because a lot of times those things can manifest into how we have such a tight association with what we look like and what we eat and like with weight and with what we're eating and and health even and like all of those different things kind of compound into US trying to look this way through disordered eating patterns or through feeling really negatively about our bodies if they're not matching up to these ideals that we're seeing that we also now are really you know edited and like not necessarily attainable but can kind of that message when we're following a lot of the am people online. This is something I think you reposted from diddy or at least you. Did he credit because you put up? Don't ever compare your living breathing. Beautifully imperfect real human self to someone else's controlled online content and whenever you see their content. If it's giving you some sort of like making you feel a certain way that is not moving you in the right direction. Like what is your advice to people and I guess we'll call it like a social media cleanse or something the best way to respond because they're going to exist in real life there's going to be triggering people right and I heard Demi Lovato. She was talking about how there's people she's really close to in her world. That had these. Well what's define what people would consider what she's supposed to have as a popstar this body and so within these are her friends or their models or whatever they are but they're her friends but she can't follow them on instagram and that's hard for her beak but it's a trigger so I mean it might literally be that it's your close friend and it's not that they're doing anything wrong but it could be a trigger for you and so what is what is a red flag to look out for to know if you might need to mute somebody or just know that you're not seeing their content because it's not good for you right so I would say that if someone is well first of all if you're scrolling and you're kind of noticing yourself comparing your body or what you're eating or what someone else's work out or just day or even like something that has nothing to do with how you know if you're comparing yourself to them and kind of getting that icky feeling like on following them or at least meeting them and meeting you know they won't know that you muted them if it's maybe someone who you feel like you know for whatever reason you don't want to follow them you won't see their stories and you won't see their posts so that's an good option to have like in your back pocket. If someone is talking about you know cutting out like whole food groups or making maybe making comments about their own body. That aren't making you feel good about yours if they're doing a lot of like before and after photos even can put a lot of emphasis on what a body type and you know kind of in whatever contacts can have ended up making one feel better or worse than the other and so that's kind of a good sign sometimes to follow that if that's not helpful for you if someone's labeling foods as good bad or guilty because guilt is not an ingredient so all foods are really guilt free. That always gets me or even if it's someone who's just posting a lot of photos about like their bodies or their plates and it's just not making you feel good like instagram. And you know social media just like your real life you can kind of curate at to be people and towns and masters that fill you up and make you feel good and you have a lot of control over your social media and whereas maybe like if your co worker. Having a lot of diet talk that can be hard to navigate. Because you know you're going into the office but even though there are ways to navigate that too but like your social media can really be like if you don't want if it's not someone who you would wanna be like getting coffee with and hearing about their morning you know you don't need to be hearing about their morning. Every like what their workout was like or what they ate this morning. And you can kind of just do that like self audit. Most of you know. Is this person making me feel really great or is it is it not and there was actually an article that came out today and I've seen similar things about it but it was actually about how there was decreased self esteem and worsened mood after. Looking fits perations so does so. That's Hashtag Fit Spo- photos that you might think would be like promoting exercise or like inspiring people to like go to the gym and get active and that kind of a thing but it was a study in Australia. Like one hundred and eight undergraduate women so seventeen to twenty five year old and it showed that viewing instagram images of like. Pittsburgh like actually increased body dissatisfaction and mood and didn't necessarily motivate them to exercise either. So I think that's sometimes like these things can maybe be coming from a place of like you know thinking that this will be really inspiring to me kind of giving yourself permission like if it's not sitting well with you you know that you know your body best and you know yourself past and having that permission to like on follow or mute that too so Brennan. This article literally pulled that you mentioned. We didn't talk about it before. And it's something that Leeson are GonNa Touch. We'll do it here and quote to from a doctor in the article said despite their positive intentions in popularity Hashtag fits peration. Images are yet another way to make women feel worse about themselves and their bodies so. I feel like so many times. It's like I'm posting this as motivation. Whether it's for yourself as accountability. To keep going. Or maybe motivates somebody else and it can be inspiring. We just have to be very very careful. I have been on instagram for a long time. And when I started I was in the thick of my disordered eating before I was a Dietitian and I was definitely using those hashtags and finding accounts like that. And the scariest part of it is. You don't know while you're in it and you just chalk up as motivation and you think you should be doing this. Comparative Analysis of Uber's them to stay accountable to be motivated. But it ends up being completely horrible for at least I think for most people I mean a few years ago. I don't know if you remember Brenna but like BB G. Do you remember that Gee was all the rage. There was not a girl on instagram. That was not doing BBC already far past my journey that I knew that that was not something that I needed to be doing. And now so many people have come out where it's the same thing it's like you fall into a community where you find people. Naturally I think social media. Does you find a community of like minded people and you engage in these activities. And because everybody's doing it it gets normalized and then when you start to notice things are kind of not right. I'm not saying. Bbc is a problem. So there's plenty of people that use it and don't have disordered eating or sort of relationship to exercise. People have come out to say that they had disordered relationship to it anyway. It becomes very difficult to leave the community to say. Oh this isn't serving me anymore. Because they're afraid to not belong which is what so much of this comes down to the fear of not belonging. Yeah I think that's such a good point. I think that comes up a lot especially with a lot of you know programs that really focus highly on like dieting or weight loss in those kind of things offer like this community piece. But I know for a lot of like at least people who I've worked with has been you know one of the things that people miss often about those those things too so I think also you know may be sure to follow as you're following. These people like follow more people who are promoting masters that you do agree with or that make you feel really good and if you don't know where to start with you can even find some accounts that you do like do resonate with you. And then either ask them or like see who they are following to to kind of like give yourself permission to explore and and find those other people to be like that new community for you. That's GONNA BE MORE SUPPORTIVE. And and you know health-promoting for you I think I found that by following you Brenna an Lisa. Y'All it's a community where you start to notice. Who are they reposting? What are they sharing and then through clicking on that I find more people and it's almost like I'm like this whole world of people again. Y'All are your new. Follow to me brand. Lisa just found you last year but we still go. I'm like I think instagram somebody. Somebody reposted you and then I started falling was like okay. This is this is finally someone speaking to what I need to hear. And before that I wasn't in that realm of following so I wasn't seeing y'all and that there's this community out there that is already ten steps ahead of where I want to be and I just feel like. It's it's empowering there's this movement happening and it's like okay. I'm on board. Like what do we need to do to make this happen? And for me like I work in radio and I have endorsements that that I once would have said yes to that. I'm now having to backtrack how I say. Mardi kind of in a deal and once it's up like I'm sorry. I'm not going to resign just because it sends a message that I don't I don't want to put out there and I didn't know I didn't. I didn't know any better. I thought because it was quote unquote good in my mind. I was labeling it as that but then I realized Oh my gosh for me. Personally this is what has been a root of my problem for years but I never knew it because of the restriction that it was causing in the ended me in this restriction binge cycle but I honestly thought. That's just how I thought that was life. I thought that's how he lives. And even in yes. I'm in Radio but we go to award shows. Were there on the red carpet. We do things or we're interviewing radio stations and it's not. We're not behind a microphone all the time. Everything's especially with facebook and instagram. That's Youtube it's visual and there's this pressure that I see even in our culture and maybe because I do work with a lot of musicians and follow them of like okay. You know just posting real quick as innocent as it may seem they're like okay just started basically. I'M GONNA drink water for three days before the awards show and then after the award show you see all at a Burger place getting that Burger and fries that they wanted and for me? That was so normal because that was me and then now I can't even imagine living life that way like I just want it to be a Tuesday. It's like okay. I've got a red-carpet tomorrow okay. Fine like my day doesn't change like it's I put on my dress and I go do my thing and I'm just the same. There's this no. I was in a constant. Gosh ask my husband. Because he's been married for thirteen years and I'm finally just now finding this freedom and he's like Hallelujah praise God because before any work was cleansing detoxing. You know even have to be famous to experience that I experienced it and I know 'em nobody famous I'm not in you. Don't have to be going to award. Show striking bets like wherever your microcosmic version of that is whether it's going to a wedding or an event or Friday night or Valentine's Day yes social Break in college for me. It was Halloween like it was like put whatever we're saying. Put It on your level to what to what it is and you can be free of it regardless of where you are. I think what you do is so great and by following you. I think you'll naturally start to curate eight. You'll enter a new social media bubble and be create one of your own. I agree like that's what I think that Brennan does and you do and so I would highly recommend if people are trying to sort through their instagram. And what they want their follows to look like that. You can't go wrong with these two something. I do WANNA on scrolling through the wealthiest since I'm on here and I saw this. I saw this. Psa You put up Brunette that says PSA. It is not your obligation to be as small as possible. Take up less space. Look or eat any specific way. And that's super powerful to me. I feel like we don't need to be small. I like this idea of like taking up. Space is so powerful too. Because I think it's it's kind of interesting when you think of it in that context to right of like you know like you're allowed to like all of us are like allowed to take space and I think that's something that Dia Culture really and so many other masters that we got like women or you know all of these different things kind of combine in that and that message kind of like being smaller being quiet and ally right not making like waves or all these other things taking up space means like so many different things. Well I'd like to thank you for making waves in in my life and in this community because I feel like they're probably is push back at times. I mean even lease and I wanted to have a disclaimer at the beginning of this little series because we knew sometimes people were going to have on or things are going to say may not be Something people are used to hearing. But I'm here for it. It just quick question while we have you. I know that you've talked about this. A bunch before. How can people best respond to comments about weight or about food? While they're on their journey to healing so how can they stop people in their lives? That are maybe not on the journey yet or not looking to go on the journey. How can they best navigate that in person? It's hard but I think I think kind of continuing to give yourself permission to set those boundaries and knowing that like I kind of repeat this but like you like are the expert of your body right and I think that can be kinda powerful to remember like nobody else knows it better than you no matter no matter what so yeah. I think having some comments lake if someone is commenting on what? You're eating like saying something like you know I can. I can make choices about what I'm eating or you know really doesn't make me feel great when you say that about my play or you know some as you can depending on the situation you could even like you know use humor. I think that's something I always turn to. And I know that kind of varies on what people are comfortable with but like could be something like. I'm pretty sure I can like make decisions about what I eat like. I'm an adult that kind of thing or you can kind of share different resources but somebody I think smashed. The wellness industry article came out. I think last year in New York Times. That's a great piece to. It's kind of like an equalizer piece. That is really kind of like an introduction so for a lot of people who maybe aren't aware of the impact of these different conversations or of these topics can be kind of a good introduction piece for someone who may not realize the impact of their words or sharing an article. Like that like Taylor Swift. There was an article that came out about her and her Americana piece recently and I know for a lot of people don't really resonated because it kind of was you know someone who you've seen in really admire so having those articles or resources can be kind of helpful welcoming pieces but then also setting the boundary knowing that like you can always walk away from a situation or a conversation if people are talking about dieting you know at the dinner table or co workers and knowing that you can always opt out and walk away or saying something like you know that. I don't really appreciate that comment or or even something like if someone comments on your body size like when you in like a greeting say no. That's really comment to kind of greet somebody and be like. Oh you look XYZ whether it's like so great or like your weight has changed saying like. I'm sure we have something better to talk about that. Our Way right now or you know. I'm so happy to see you kind of commenting and focusing more on those other attributes that you really like and enjoy about people to besides their weight. If I'm looking to like get into it with somebody which a lot of times it's not appropriate given the context of our relationship to I'll either change the conversation completely or if somebody's having a conversation next to me and I know it's not appropriate for me to interject. I'm kind of just like repeating positive. Self talk to myself and it's not made up talk. It's just like you know what you need right now. You know what you need right now. Isn't that just kind of circling that? Yeah Yeah like having like a couple sometimes the especially before like an event or something like a holiday or like somewhere where you are kind of anticipating that coming up you can write down couple of different like reminders or screen shots and Instagram Post. Something and just keep them ready on your phone for like reminders life knowing diets and never worked for me so just being like Oh that thanks for sharing but diets have never worked for me. Can Be Pretty Powerful. Because he was going to refute that eight to throw that out. There will burn. Thank you so much for coming on with us. We so appreciate your wisdom so the theme of this episode is really about learning to clarify your values and check in with yourself. Which is the work that most of US failed to do? And therefore get lost in the mix and the shuffle of dieting and bad body image and prioritizing those thoughts in those behaviors without the things that we truly believe. And so. That's something that happened to me for sure. Lost a lot of friends along the way. And how was your family? Do you think affected by your lifestyle. I think that even for the most part to this day they actually don't even know that I suffered when I was suffering because it was always brushed under the rug with like. Oh she's a Dietitian. She likes healthy food. Oh she dislikes weird food that we don't like one thing about me is. My weight never changed so I never lost weight and it never gained weight despite binging despite restricting even so both ends of the spectrum and therefore nobody ever questioned it as a problem. I know that my sister in law will say now she laughs and says Oh. I'm glad we don't have to pretend to like your food anymore. But the deep struggle and the pain and the worthiness and attention that I was seeking. I know they certainly enjoy me more now. Yeah and I think that my family might say the same. There's Times I was just a real Debbie Downer selfish and I would judge what they were eating and so Lisa when you asked me to think about what I value. Family is at the top of the list and so knowing that I made my family uncomfortable or missed out on certain. Social Aspects of my family are certain recipes or food or just sitting around the table and having a good time because I was preoccupied being stressed out about the food. Is it such a bummer? But I'm not gonNA live in that that is behind me and we're going to move forward and now. I know that I value that and I need to put emphasis on that right exactly and I know that you have value homework for us. Yeah so taking time to clarify your values as easy to say but I wanted to take it a step further and provide you with a worksheet. That's actually in for the noise fundamentals. That is my online course for learning to listen to your body but kind of step one to all of this is learning about who you are. So that your behaviors align and it's easier to say. Okay why am I going to a family dinner to get a workout in? When really my family's what I should be prioritizing when you see it spelled out more oftentimes than not. We see that the things we value. We're not giving any attention too. So you can go to fork. The noise dot com forward slash values. And you'll get a value clarification work through and take time as much as you need to work through this and always know that you can print a couple of these and use them throughout the year. Making sure that your behaviors continue to reflect who you WANNA be in this world. Love that okay. So that's your homework for this episode again. If you missed the first episode go back and listen to that. There's some homework at the Ballon. If you're in this near following US along every episode then will see a next Saturday here for episode three with more stories more experts and more talk. Okay just getting. That's not the real ending if you listen to last week's episode then you know I at the end of each episode. I'm going to be doing an additional ending. That didn't get recorded when we did this together. At least then I recorded this series in early March in Corona virus was not crazy like it is right now and so. I felt like I need to go back onto the end of each episode each week before it loads and do a new little ending to address What's going on in the world because it would just be weird not to and I feel like there's a lot of stuff online right now Regarding weight and Diet cultures totally taking over so Lisa and I chatted a little bit before I came on to record and these are some things that we thought could be helpful to mention free to keep in mind right now so the jokes about the covert Nineteen and reference to the Freshman fifteen while it comes off jokingly for some which for me they're not offensive and I will admit I have laughed at some and thought about reposting and I'm so glad that I'm in this and I'm learning and I'm continuing to grow and look out for people and not wanting to offend anybody or trigger. Anybody unknowingly thankfully. I know not to re post that but I think if I wasn't in this and being so aware of Diet Culture lucky to be surrounded by the wisdom of a lot of the guests that we've had on an Lisa. I know better now. And so don't feel bad if you have posted any of that stuff reposted it. This is not a shame place. This is just to help educate and inform how that might be hurtful and offensive and triggering to other people. And this podcast is specifically for people that are in the struggle. I'm talking to you and we need to be mindful of other people that might be going through at like us so again while it comes off jokingly first summits instilling fear for many and again it's allowing diet culture to become the focus when in fact our bodies and minds they need love and attention right now more than ever not any of that junk. So I'm choosing not to participate in these jokes. I know Lisa's choosing not to participate a lot of our guests. I've seen them online saying they're not going to because again we don't WanNa unknowingly offend anybody or contribute to fat phobia so just something to think about when it comes to the content that you re post or that you put on your page Other things to note. Is that right now? Those with disordered eating history can be normal to return to restrictive eating in some way when anxiety peaks. And if you're noticing that diet culture has a handle on you right now and it's making your anxiety peak more than the Cova nineteen or the corona virus. Whatever you call it that can be a red flag to look out for for sure. So try to evaluate where your anxiety is really coming from and remember that where we're living organisms guys where people were humans. Were we're we're alive? We need food even when you're not working out are moving as much. We burn calories by reading watching netflix laying. Bed doing nothing. Our body is burning calories. A needs food so during this uncertainty. Mib helpful to have some sort of a schedule and that might mean scheduling out mealtimes to make sure that you're eating enough waking up and going to bed at the same time because you definitely should be getting some good sleep right now if you can and then pencilling out some time for self care. That's super important and I'll leave that up to you everyday. That might look different for you. But make sure you're getting some self care in there as well so that is officially the end of today's episode. But I guess not really because as you heard my story that I shared earlier in the episode I wanted to tack on. Lisa is chat with Catherine Defatta. It's something we recorded for this series but ended up using in my four things. Podcast as a teaser for what was to come in this series because it was a longer chat than we anticipated and we didn't want to cut it down in any way so we thought well let's just throw it up as it in a different episode. And make it a teaser of what's to come and so now we're putting it back in the series here in episode two were. I'M GONNA play it for you now because I feel like it just helps round out some of my story and it could be helpful for some of you to hear. That weren't listening to my podcast a few weeks ago. You weren't subscribed and you know nothing about it. I would hate for you to miss out on our chat with her. She's a therapist again. Name's Catherine Defatta and her instagram at three chords therapy and She's awesome so here. Is Our little chat with Catherine. So we've got Catherine Defatta in the studio with us so you're against it's actually here in person. A lot of our interviews have been over the phone just because of where people are in the country. But you're right here in Nashville with US. Just super cool and your therapist here in town but you specialize in eating disorders. And so I talked about it on the PODCASTS. And you listen to four things with Amy Brown in new. Sent me a note and said that if you could be a part of it just laying no and we started emailing back and forth and I was like yes. Can you come into the studio? And and let's record some stuff so Just before we hit record we were having an affair conversation about eating disorder being an addiction. And when I'm trying to talk to my husband about it or when I was eating a lot and I just felt like I couldn't stop in and understand I would say and I don't know if I was writing how I was saying at all but to me. It felt like I was like I don't know it's like an alcoholic can't stop drinking. I was like but you can take alcohol out of your life and survive like with food. I can't eliminate food for my life because you need food to survive. I just remember that being like some language out there and I'm sure I heard somewhere but that's I mean that's comparing. Alcoholism is seen as as an addiction. Yeah so one of the things that you asked me. What is what's difference between self work and therapy with an actual therapist and I thought about it and actually had a different answer and then I was like that's not right. The differences the relationship and the relationship between a therapist and a client is like the number one predictor of if it's going to be successful like if you hit your therapist you probably won't get a lot done so that goes into just attachment theory and and what that means you guys know what that is. No attachment theory comes from this guy. His name is John Bobi and he was doing research in orphanages and he was noticing that like these babies that were getting everything that they needed like shelter food water. They were dying or they're getting really really sick but there's no reason for it except they weren't being touched. There's no touch at all which is crazy and what he came up was that a relationship is necessary survive. He did a lot of research. And there's a lot of stuff that I won't go into because it might be a little bit boring but he came up with these three attachment styles secure anxious avoidance and we get those attachment styles based on the relationships. We have with our primary caregiver so if I have a really great loving environment and all my needs are met all the time going to have a secure attachment but and that's the majority of people but also I see it on a spectrum to the majority of people do have yes. Yeah that's what they say and the research but also using air quotes and they can't see that's what they say. I think really people are on a spectrum with us so and then anxious attachment would be when sometimes there needs arraignment. Sometimes they're not in so you don't know whether to trust or not trust. And then avoidance is when your needs aren't being met and so you kind of developed this idea like I gotta go do everything on my own like I gotta go figure everything my own okay. I'm an energetic. Just a second because I do have two adopted children for. Maybe some people made that some people may not depending on what they've listened to and I had not heard it described as attachment theory. But I know that my kids and I've witnessed it. They have attachment disorder. Yes okay and the lack of stimulation that my son had. I now see how it comes out in certain times like how he responds reacts and then even my daughter. I'm just just is this even the same thing. Okay so I'm just making sure on the same page because I also want to be aware of like now that I'm their primary caregiver that I'm focused on whatever they're going to need for me but there's already walls built there's already. My daughter came here at ten. She's twelve now but day. One from her arrival was resistance. I can handle this on my own. I don't need. You should basically give us the heisman anytime I mean. It's been two years breaking it down and we're finally getting there but they're still testing. I don't really trust you. Are you going to really love me? What about if I do this? You Still GonNa love me. What if I okay? I'M GONNA try this out and so my husband and I just have to remain consistent and so yes. I I when you talked about attachment theory of like no. I don't know what you're talking about MC but does I. I do know this but I'm also trying to think of my childhood and how with my hair so think about this. You've talked about your own like issues with food in disordered eating all I think about as I explained this kind of where your story pops up also. This is going to be helpful. Because you're probably doing the things you need to do with your children without even knowing that you're doing them just because you're a caring person so you can develop a certain attachment style. Good news is it's not static it's fluid so going back to just describing this and how it relates to what we were talking about in the beginning. Is People Develop these attachments? And they're all based on feeling like loved it like you belong and so I have developed my own theory that we all are born with these desires to ourselves and then to have love and belonging and throughout our lives the desire for eleven belonging becomes very very very very strong and so we dropped parts of ourselves or parts of ourselves or pick things up. That aren't really parts of ourselves to get that love and belonging in so that's win. The addiction comes in. I'll use an example from my life to explain this so I never felt like I like really really really fit in two or had like a thing or special in certain parts in my friend group in certain areas in my family in so I started to do things to get attention. I attributed that attention to love. I always say like any attention is good attention so going back to what you said. What'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEIR PAEAN? Self work is a therapist is what we call a secure base which helps somebody develop a secure attachment style. Who SOMEBODY'S GONNA come into my office. Probably not knowing that they have any of this or any kind of trauma. I'm going to be that person like you're explaining with your daughter. What if I do this? You still love me. What if I yell at you? Can I still come back? What if I miss a session? What if I tell you that you're wrong? What if I disagree with you? WHAT HAVE I act out? What if I relapse in what you told me not to do? Are you still going to let me come back in? And the answer is always yes. Yes yes with safe boundaries in it helps them learn that like hey. I don't have to be a certain way I can show up as I am and like I can find love so when you say you were doing things to get attention. What were those things so depends on? Which part of my life? Let's go ahead and talk about the news so in college yeah. It's easy to talk about this now. I didn't know this was happening. No clue which most people don't but I started with a diet counting calories and again in my family all my siblings went and played d. One sports and I went to college and so I I was missing something. Good then have anything that. My parents would really brag that much about no fault to that. My parents are great and so I went on. This diet started losing all this weight house. Getting tons of attention like tons. You look so good this this whatever guys like started talking to me more in so I attributed it to that of like okay now if it and now I belong belonging his love. I'm good and then advocate. Michelle of a human tap into that a little bit more. What were you feeling at that time like what I mean I? You're on a high. It mean to be a shell because yeah out of Shell today Brian with vibrant your radiant gas. Yeah just so that people because really doing this. So people don't feel alone. I feel with each person sharing part of their real story which you just did. Somebody's relating and they're like wait. Tell me more I would say people would always describe me as like loud and bubbly fun. I'm a seven on the program so that which I didn't know what was back so that's how I always was so when I started restricting my food I ended up restricting every single part of my life because I couldn't go to that party because what if I drank alcohol and there's calories and alcohol and then what if I got drunk and then I wanted to eat something on a Sunday and shouldn't eat that crippled me or I can't go to their that restaurant because I can't eat anything there. Then people are going to ask me like aren't you eating and I'm have to come up with some excuse or I can't go to that thing at night because I have to get up and work out at six. Am and I need my energy in. So I started cutting things out of my life. I remember this started my junior year of college that summer junior senior year. I'd never left my parents house when I came home. I never saw any of my friends from high school which we were always very close. I remember I did one thing. I went to my best friend from HIGH SCHOOLS BIRTHDAY PARTY. And then start at her house and they all went out. I think it might have been her twenty first birthday and I went home after her house at every else went out and I went home because I was like. I can't do that. So the thing that got me all this attention all the sudden then I was like was appointed the attention because I'm not letting myself engage with anybody and then I came back that next year my senior year and I didn't do anything I didn't. I wasn't authority. I would skip some parties. I would go. I remember one time. I also like really into school. I like went to a party. It was a swap. So it's one that you like dress up like and where costing like loves doing that and I like took my note cards to the bar in like study for my test. You just like withdrew all the things you love to do My friends did not love that. So that's a part where that's just part of your story of what you did to get attention to fill belonging but then you realize like it's kind of like it goes up up up and it's like this is where. I'm getting belonging love and then all of a sudden you just like we just it I think I have a novice and you crash and burn because you realize you have nothing around you. And what does this four? So then what do you do well and I love looking back at this because I don't know you all's experiences but for my experience. I had no clue that I was struggling. So like not a clue I thought it was like on top of the world. This actually makes you wanna cry but my senior year. I thought that I was killing. Like I'd gotten into all the graduate programs. I was like going to go do all these things and looking back like another thing. I did that I have so much grief over is I skipped my last day party ever to come back to Nashville and run the half marathon. I can run that marathon whenever I want. I can never go back and have my last party with my best friends. I did not know that I I still was like yeah. I'd rather go run this marathon. This is my lifestyle unhealthy. I don't like to drink Almost like this grandiose sense of self The hell three. Yes coming up. My Gosh all I were judge. I was a brat. Yeah yes like. Yeah because that's what people are. You're going to eat that and I'm like in my head. I wish I could eat that like. I wish I could eat that but I have eating disorders. We talked a lot about how you have so much control. I had no control not well. It was like not like I could eat that. Like wow look at me. I have so much willpower for not eating. Yeah but I don't really think I did have willpower by had willpower. I would eat a donut. But that's what people would say to me. It's like I wish it could be like Catherine And I don't want to be like yeah. I know because they don't really know the struggle. That's why it's important and more reiterate it now since it's coming up that's why it's important. You never know what's going on inside someone's body you might think it's all they've got it all figured out in their life is together and then you can reinforce their behavior by complementing something about their body and that keeps them on that hamster wheel and really you have. No idea contributed to the problem just by giving compliment we've been trying to get it into people and even myself over and over to stop complimenting on people's bodies there's so many other things that we could probably compliment that like do that's not necessary. It's kind of story quick so this is why I started to look at before. I really got into being like a therapist. This is like I have shame about this now but again. I'm trying to not have that. I went to Grad School and went to vanderbilt in Nashville and thinking I was going to be eating disorder therapist and guess what I wanted to specialize in I wanted to work with specifically binge eating disorder and help him lose weight which is not how you. Let's not okay. I could understand not understand not understanding. Yes now I'm like oh my gosh maybe explain. Why though that it may now handed it. Yeah I know more of that because I've been doing I've been working alongside people like says we're y'all understand why that would be bad but someone else might not get why. That's probably not like the best thing so it's not about the way in so with binge eating disorder. There's something else going on in if I helped them lose weight. Their issues aren't going away like the reason that they're binging which would be the reason. Why any of US do Behavior that we would classify as an addiction. It's not about the alcohol. It's not about the food it's not about any of that about what's underneath of it and so yeah. It might be a side effect that if these people do the work and help them through. Whatever it is that they're trying to work through they might lose weight but that's not the goal because if I just take the way everything else still most people that are in it. Don't see it as a underlying problem like they see it as either binge problem. I can't stop when I eat or they see it as a weight problem. I'm overweight because I eat not going any F- deeper into why do you think that there's anything to the the binging and it being like in the brain? We've touched on brain over bench but there's there's obviously with what you're saying with the addiction at all coming back to attachment love right so it's like all goes back to some of that in a way but for me. I mean I know that I had issues with my dad leaving when I was younger But I know that I also was introduced to dieting at an extremely young age. And I know when I started dieting and then that led to restriction and binging but I didn't really realize I was binging at the time right. I didn't know really. I mean he's in high school. Then I knew I would overeat so that I would purge but it wasn't all of the time but I knew that it was wrong even so I went to my mom and said I need help. I'm throwing up and I don't know where this came from or why but I I need help with this. So then she got me into therapy and then that led to therapy all through high school and college but it was always just focused on my dad. Having left nothing ever resonated with me and then I quit throwing up for years but what I realized in there as I was still binging the whole time but again I knew that was not right because I was like. I just went to literally like four different fast food restaurants in like one. Stop like. That's not normal so or if I was on a road trip somewhere I would stop at like multiple gas stations and like just eat the entire two hours if the that was my drive from Austin College station which is where I went to Texas ainum so I remember a lot of those road trips was. I ate the entire time whether it was a gas station. Sonic like I had different stops and I would go through and be like okay and then the next day I would just do slim fast or something but it never. I've still in therapy at that point. It never was getting anywhere other than somehow just stopped the throwing up and it was gone but I kept the binging. And then I read brain over Benjamin telling Lisa like it just made sense to me. She talks about re wiring your brain and that you just go to binge and you have to start denying the binges because I started restricting at such a young age train my brain that I didn't know when I was Gonna get food again. So it kept forcing me to overeat and then I would binge and so I started implementing that over over a year ago and that worked for me and that was the first thing where it really made sense now. I'm sure there's underlying issues with what's going on but I do want to talk to you about how that worked for me but about five years ago when my mom died even though I had not purged in twelve years I had binged but not purged the day after my mom died I ate dinner and then I had to throw it up and I literally and it was not an easy thing. It was my sister's birthday the day after my mom died and her inlaws decided to get a food truck. And we ha- I mean otherwise. I mean food at the House everywhere but we just were not eating but then it was like my sister's birthday so I felt like I had even food truck and eat the cake so I ate it and then something about me literally and there were so many people at my sister's house. I went over to a neighbor's guest house and threw up in their bathroom. Like it was an easy for me to like make. This happened that somehow I I was desperate to get that food out of my body and I hadn't even over eaten but in that started it again just like that. It was back and I probably there was a daily thing was like every other day. Then it was like an now sound now that you brought up. Eating Disorders can be addiction. It sounds like an alcoholic returning to alcohol. Were all of a sudden you need the aggressor whatever and you go and find it and then okay. I'll just do it this one time. And then you slowly kind of trickle back into the same thing okay. But I don't even know that I was like I felt out of body experience when I was doing the rational. You're dashing out to be like okay. It's just going to be this one time. I was just like I did it and I was like what was that and I was so freaked out by it that just like I went to my mom in high school. I went to my husband almost immediately. And I'm like here's the deal you've been married to me and I haven't thrown up our entire marriage so you don't know this side of me but now I'm terrified and it's here and I feel like an alcoholic that has just lost their chip. That's exactly what I said to him and he was like okay. Well we can do this whatever you need and I would say. There's a lot of times after I mean he would come home and he'd be like how was your day. It'd be like even a year after my mom died. Or two years the Ritz still be discussions. How is your day? Let's say my day was fine except for I threw up And I would be able. I'm thankful for relationship where I could be honest with him about that but I still was so perplexed why it was happening and now I've been over a year without anything binges or purchase so I feel that but I have to share with you a revelation. I had with Lisa. I don't even know if it makes sense censure therapist. I'm going to take advantage to pay you for the hour. I told Lisa. I said it just didn't I went therapy. Obviously I did. 'em Asmerom died because very traumatic for me. She did not die. It was not easy. She had cancer. I saw a lot that I I shouldn't see and laid with her in her final breath me and my sister both healthy or not. We probably laid with her for about an hour after the corner of four like were here deliver up and we're like we're not done yet so you know whatever that looks like for you. That's what we needed but we definitely Maestra both saw a lot and it was traumatic and then you know hear. I am the next day throwing up the food and I'm not knowing what I'm telling this to my therapist and she's like well that's trauma and Y- The last trauma you had in your life when your dad laughed and that was when you're younger eating disorder kind of started them. Well not exactly but I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that like that would just make me do it. But then I had this thought because I think something Lisa talked about her. Somebody talked about that like I really felt because grieving in this also could be related to attention since you said that and this is just me having to get completely honest and almost like embarrassed that like what because it's not like it was a very conscious thought out decision like oh I need attentions of this is what I'm GonNa do. This is almost like five years later and just having a look back at me like Oh Yuck. Was that really what this was because what makes sense to me now is that I felt like I was grieving. And if you're grieving you're supposed to lose weight if you're grieving you're not supposed to have food. 'cause you're sad and sad people don't eat and sad people get skinny and if I get skinny I get attention which is exactly what happened. I mean there was not a single person in my life. That did not comment on my body like about a month after my mom died because I did get very thin and I would weigh myself every single day. I would drink juice in the morning purge whatever I would do yoga twice a day also. I was trying to keep busy to not think about my mom. I would do winans ZANEX for bed. So knock me out and I wouldn't think about food and but nobody knew this happening to me but I would still come to work the next day and someone from would be visiting from another city. That hadn't seen won't be like. Oh my gosh amy. It looks good and then I'd be like thank you and then it'd be like yes. I'm grieving doing a good job. Grieving doing a good job grieving because I lost my mom and I needed to recognize that I'm sad. My skinny represents my sadness and that gives me attention. Yeah sounds very twisted in messed up to say out loud. I revealed that makes more sense to me. Then when therapist told me she thought like trauma capsule opened in my head. And because that's how I dealt with my dad leaving that's immediately the route. My my my brain was going to go to deal with losing my mom and I just don't know that that makes sense to me. Thank you for sharing that. I think your therapist could be right there. Part of it could be this. Is the thing with therapy. And like many. There's no just like one way. So that's why I mean eating disorders and addiction generals hard. Because I can't say it's every time because of this a lot of times. It's because of this. There could have been the trauma part but I think what you're talking about is probably attached to your trauma of not getting the attention. The love and the belongings from Your Dad. And then now this is like your mom your secure base right person. And then she's gone and then like who's my person and who's going to recognize or who's going to know what I need or who's going to all of that comes up of like you lost your secure base so I do your sad right part of it is I hear you saying like I want people to see my sadness. I think part of it also as I don't feel sad either and so what can I do to shut down all of these feelings because if feels good when I'm doing this It's twisted as it is like. It feels good to perch it feels good to go on a run for two hours. It feels for a period of time and just been it feels good to pure doesn't yeah yeah until it doesn't and at the beginning yes it was like this high and this ride and until it got messy and it was just exhausting and I was like I can't keep up or if I would try to throw up and it didn't work in those like. Oh My Gosh. I just ate all the food like and it's not coming up like it was just tell me about like the embarrassment of like this is so messed up. I feel embarrassed this is what I did. I think because I could be wrong on this. But if we're for the sake of our conversation of viewing Eating disorder as an addiction and alcohol addiction. I feel like for lack of a better word. Being addicted to cocaine or alcohol is a little more sexy I don't Threat Board for the sake of this. I'm just going to say binging a bunch of food and throwing it up for whatever. The reason is is disgusting to me. I'm never I don't look at and it could just be me thinking that about myself. I'm not saying that about anybody else in saying it literally about myself. I'm sure there's shame associated with any thing that you're addicted to but I feel like Gosh. Afire is addicted to cocaine. Nobody would be like. Oh you're disgusting. They'd be like Oh. Wow that's crazy. She needs to get some help. But I'm like if they knew what I was addicted to in that I was doing this. They'd be like she's so disgusting. So that's my own thought processes. It's not as you putting it out here right now on. This is breaking down. That factor of shame and I think like even on instagram like anxiety became so popular talk about but like depression was in the cloud of like this thing. You can't talk about and I recently talked about something that I never said either which was laxative abuse and flooded with messages. Not Comments on my private on my public instagram page private messages of Metoo so there is something Super Secretive. Still about the purging. Whether it is up or down that people are still not acknowledging but you right here saying it is showing that there is no disgust to it. There is no shame especially you as Amoeba. 'cause I wouldn't want anybody else sharing to I would say that same thing to them either breaking it down for some people. I'm becoming more vocal about my story. I think that on the radio years ago. And maybe come up that I had dealt with an eating disorder in high school and college was kind of like I could relate on that level. Never would talk about the issues with food or binging or Obsession. Food Obsession for all these years. That just doesn't come up organically then after the stuff with my mom. Oh my gosh I kept telling my husband about it but I was very private about it like very until now recently I feel like I'm in a better place and I don't want people to feel alone and I need to start sharing that part of my story so a lot of things. I haven't said out loud yet like what I just shared. I haven't fully said out loud in the hole in its entirety. And so and I don't even I've still probably not giving it all. I feel good. I mean I feel like I've been like there's a couple times where I'm like okay smiling inside because it does feel good. There's a little bit of a high from it but also I was at a low where I was taken back to. It and I was very sad for myself and I was about to cry but trying to get together for the sake of being one of the hosts but in cravings okay. I have no issue crying on air done that plenty of times. So I'm I'm sad for that S- that part of me I want to tell you story. Okay one I have to say this because this is huge. This is a sign of it when people talk about this stuff. I mean what you are saying. It is huge because yeah people will talk about index in restricting and my exercise addiction. They won't talk about the other stuff and it's not any better at all and what you're talking about is shame. I feel ashamed for what I did. In what shame feeds off of is your silence in secrets and so when we talk about more the shame get Kinda. Gets you starve the shame. The shame dies and so that's a big deal because I'm sure there's one million Brazilian trillion people that are going to hear that and be like. Oh my Gosh I felt that way to. Is it? Okay for me to talk about this. I think I'm going to try it. Other part is this is the story. I was gonNA tell fifteen minutes. Go by I'm glad I'm telling it now because there's a doctor named Dr Gabor Montaigne. He does a lot of research and stuff around addiction he was working with heroin addicts and he was trying to figure out. Who's working in a center? Where harm reduction? So it's like we're not gonNA you're not going to get sober. We're GONNA teach you how to responsibly us. But he was going around and interviewing these men and women like why are you. Why do you use heroin? We know that's bad. We know that can kill you. And he went to this one guy and he described The way remember him describing him as as this like almost like he would look like a big bouncer at like club like bald head. Big Guy Tattoos like tough and he said. Can you tell me what heroin does for you like? Why do you use it? And he said I don't really know how to describe it but have you ever been sick and your mom puts you on her lap and she wraps up in a blanket. Entry starts feeding you chicken noodle soup. He's like a heroin. Feels like so this guy concluded. Oh love like that's what heroin feels like love. It feels like a warm hug And so I tell that story because like there is so much shame in like how do I do these things? That are so bad and I'm like what's wrong with me is what I hear all the time like Catherine. What is wrong with me and I'm like nothing is wrong with you. There's actually something right with you like amy. There is something right with you. The fact that you're like I've there's something wrong with me. I WANNA feel better. I need to go do this thing that I know that used to help me feel better. That means that there's something right with you that you are trying to find like we all need attention. We all need love. We all need belonging we are born attached to our mothers like we need attachment. We're born that way and so I say that I think a lot of people think to themselves like what is wrong with me like why. Can't I stop? It's like because you're a healthy human. That wants to get better and thank God that you did that. Rather than like just being like taking away life like can you turn to your husband too. Which is Telling I think I'm not us. That's your secure attachment now with it can be any. It can be anybody. That's your secure attachment like help me. Well thank you for letting me talk through that. Yeah we just made a lot of clarity that it needed yeah. I didn't know where where we go with that for sure but I think that this is. How do you at least anything you want to add from Your Inc? That audience will feel like I did where we might not have your exact story or maybe you do. There's plenty of people who have had purged for that exact reason but I feel like I've made headway in my understanding of myself far beyond my even years in therapy just by understanding the importance of secure attachment and personally not having not growing up either despite what it looked like yeah And how we go about seeking attention because we're scared not we don't feel safe and there's a million ways to do that but for a large majority of us with the addition of the emphasis on thin equals loved equals. Health equals applause. And it's an easy one kind of right next to it. So what do you do with your clients? What is something we can can leave is like is there like an activity or Like affirmations or something. You encourage them to do that. Those are that are listening. That might be some of the stuff we've talked about. Today's resonating with them. Like is there like some stuff. They can like a piece of homework or something. My Gut says if this is really resonating with somebody I want them to reach out and go to therapy. That could be great because some people will see that there's shaming therapy and we should make sure that we're here to say that there's not. There's nothing wrong with that at all whatsoever. Instagram all the time that I am not a therapist. But I've been in there be my whole life is GonNa doesn't have to be something wrong with you too so even if you don't identify with the purging even eating disorder and you're just listening to this. I mean I have found that my most profoundly huge steps forward in their be have been on days where I didn't come discussing trauma or anything. Relevant to my life is just a tool to better get to know your total being and that is profoundly huge in how it will affect everything in your life. What about a piece of homework for people that you had said earlier? Is You know which so second nature for us to comment on. Somebody's body. What are some things that people can? Maybe for the next week work on. I believe in like Human Connection. I think the more WE TALK TO PEOPLE IN OUT LOUD. The more connected. We feel like being an an uber. Even and it's so easy to just be on your phone the whole time but even interacting with an Uber driver. A taxi driver. I live in the city. What are ways that people can complement people? This week. That are non appearance based. Yeah how can we push them to talk to people and say things that they what are some some things we can say start conversations with strangers or loved ones. You know what I WANNA come back. This actually comes from your last week's episode What did Kelsey say about? If you think in it's nice say oh it's kind of so this clarifies since this is a completely different series. But in its airing an April but I do have. I had an interview back in March with Kelsey Ballerini on the four things podcast. You're referencing something. That's you said it. S so that we're talking about empowering women and Kelsey was just saying one thing I've learned is if it's kind say it like who cares if you know the person or if you don't know if it's kind if you think it if you think it and it's kind senate that's exactly what she's so. I would say that. With the caveat if it's about the shape of their body so Because again you never know if that is a point of contention for somebody but I one of the things that I've worked on because I actually am like a introverted extrovert which doesn't make a lot of sense. I am too okay. So yeah we all like. I sometimes don't go into a place and I think all of these things about I won't ever say anything because I just kind of keep to myself and wait for somebody approach me but I think something that we can work on is like when we see somebody and we're just happy to see somebody say it's good to see you like I missed. You means a lot to me or rather than being like. Oh my God girl so good you so happy. I think that a lot of the time when we do compliment. Somebody's weight or body change. It's because we've become so that this is an okay thing to say to somebody that you might not even know and so you might actually be thinking. This person looks happy. Yeah but it's a weird thing to say. Hey Girl you look happy so let me say. Did you lose weight like I think that we actually are seeing Amiga head and going back to the radiance in people but it might feel strange to say you look radiant? Because it's not a normal exchange like you look good right so I think diving into your psyche of okay. Maybe you think this person looks good. That's the first thing. Why do they look at? What are they look? They're fitting the standards of WHAT SOCIETY TELLS. Us looks good because society didn't say that like what would we think like? I always say we are the decider of our own opinions so we get to actually decide that like knowledgeable. We'd be like Yeah da but then I'm like well. Do you think that because the person next to you thinks that or do you think that because you really think that about yourself or about other people and I use the example of Vipul out a peanut butter sandwich and started eating it? And you're like you peanut butter what I don't like it anymore either. The same thing like if somebody was like I don't like your shirt like well. I still like it if somebody thinks that you look whatever you can still think you look good if society says that you are not right. We need to stop questioning ourselves. Based off of other's opinions whether it says profound as your body or insignificant as your shirt butter peanut butter Catherine thank you for wrong. Kind say it comes from both Catholic convert. I can't take crack. That's the set it but I don't have. She said it she got it from somewhere. I always say make it easy to be kind to yourself so going along with that as like make it easy to be kind of other people to like. All you have to do is go. Put somebody and say hi. How are you and you can sort of conversation. That could make somebody's day exchanging a smile every now and may not remember what you say but they remember how you make them feel good one K. Catherine let's throw out your instagram. So people can follow you. Can you say quite? It's at three chords therapy. So three is spelled like the word T. H. R. E. and then. My website is three-quarters therapy dot com to perfect. All right well thank you so much for taking time to talk. I'm Barrington date. Thurston hosted the podcast series where we have candid conversations around the power of genetics. Download the next episode on pharmacokinetics now and learn what experts have to say about how genetics can play a role in our response to medication and the future of precision medicine. Pharmacogenetics precision medicine is supposed to take us directly to that drug. That's GONNA be impacting. An actionable important for help. Listen to spit on the iheartradio APP apple podcasts. Or wherever you get your guests. Syria isn't a country whose name is often associated with hope these days but when. I travelled there in July of two thousand and nineteen to a place in the northeast called Rhodesia. I didn't just find fear and violence. I found hope a group of brave feminist revolutionaries fighting to establish a more equitable society. You can hear what I learned there on. My New podcast series. The women's war listen to the women's war on the iheartradio APP apple podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Lisa amy I disorder US registered Dietitian New Hampshire lauren facebook apple binge eating disorder Karen toby Aaron Mckie twitter Jane Fonda Florida Rosemary betty
Episode 8

Drunken Confessions

51:37 min | 1 year ago

Episode 8

"Hello, and welcome to join confessions episode what, what eight thirty eight yes episode eat with Kesiny. She was going to say, Eimi cask actually go see me, Kansas time, because she see Cass Namie. Yeah. But I threw it off because I couldn't remember which would we run? Yeah. I'm already picking up the pieces. Getting. Good. I'm good at that. How you doing? Picking up visas. All righty. I'm actually doing really good. We've been here for about an hour. So we've got plenty of pre drinking and guessing juice going. Yeah. All right with that. How are you feeling? I'm feeling fine. Yeah. I'm not. I eat before I came. So it's gonna take a little bit more for less your drinking McColl Tra I am. But I did just do a shot of my pickle juice. I mean, let's be real. You did a shot up nickel, its sickle MARTINI. There's also Tito's in there with the pickle choose. So is technically pickle MARTINI, not just figures. Okay. Well, I think it was just pickled juice. I wasn't sure it looks like yeah, no, it wasn't just drinking straight pickles. Those people do fixer pretty good. So so you got your pickle juice. You got your mic ultra got the Jack fire in front of you. Yeah, I have I switched up this week and I'm doing shock top. Ooh. Which was feeling pretty good. It is a little stronger of, of your dad, the hardest. I needed a summer beard. It's like getting a little nicer. Yep. So I needed a summer beer, and they have thirty blonde. So I got shocked up that doesn't really work. Yeah. So speaking of which I had my check fire, so let's start this show. All this time I'm not doing this Oko because there was one hundred proof, and it was just too much. So I'll just watch microbes the rest of the day. All right. Well, there's day left. So cheers with our Jack to episode e. All right. So the Jeff. So the other thing I did is after we had if you guys listen to episode seven last week, we had a guest, Tom, your husband on. And he didn't wanna do shot because he was not a fan of the Jack Daniels, or the so-called. We had, which was fine so force you being me being so smart. I started picking up little shooters of all different kind of liquors, if you would like to be a guest on her show, we're gonna have a shot for you. Yes. And so we have a whole collection restarted, and we're going to start picking up more and more, unless you only drink some kind of crazy off the wall stuff in which case bring your own. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to trying to be good hostess with the most. Right. But, but yeah. But now, if you're going to be difficult than, you know, you can take care of yourself with that. The same. We don't want difficult guests, we're okay with that to say in. So if you would like to be a guest, you can hit us up on my drinking, confessions edgy meal that calm, and of course, on Facebook dot com, backslash my confessions, and I'm sitting up our drugging confessions dot com website. Yes. And we really need one of our listeners out there to help us with an intro song. I know we're reckoner brings with this, and we're like listening to other people just to kind of get we're gonna give more thinking heart into it. We're thinking too much. I think we should just go with the one. I picked initially that you don't like because it sounds like bunk. Yeah. It's like smoking weed. So I'd rather one of our listeners, come up with something he don't for, like a five ten second intro, five to ten seconds. All right. So let us know if you guys have any ideas, or even any leads that we can look at to come up with an interesting, little work. We're going to start research this a little bit more because, you know, by the time we get to episode ten we should really have some. Well then go that is go get a ten. I'm glad to juggle. I'm gonna let you have echo. In your hands, because, you know, I have my daughter's wedding Saturday. So I don't I don't want to have to worry about anything right now. I know that's taking care of in a him. A securities exam next Friday. No worries the two I've got your back. I'm doing this good good. Then I might not replace you. All right. Can't. She says she was going to look for a new BFF. I did. Well, so I already came up with the Craigslist sets maybe Craigslist, because you look it up real quick. So I can read it. Yes. So yesterday, we were supposed to go to an event and it got cancelled. So I said to Eimi will since we were already going out. Let's just go grab a beer somewhere and hang out and she's like. To mardi home. Stay home. And I said, you know, I need to find myself, and I said something, and you're the one they think this, you said, you called me Lemus bitch. I did. And I said, I know I'm sorry. You should get a new BFF. It was you're actually not mine, then you wrote. Right. Then the next messages sent. I'm looking at right now stopping to get beer and that I'll be over might as we might as well. Hang out with you, until I find a replacement. I said, damn. I'll hope you put out a Craigslist ad. You wrote okay? I'll help you write. It lets them, good friend, I put in quotations seeking new BFF must be able to put up with a smart eh speech, who will talk shit on a daily basis daily. Yeah. Okay. Well, I. Well, and then you went on to say, that's actually pretty good good because it's kinda true because I am kind of. Are you? You really wanna treat me like pretty smart. Yeah. She you do. Come up with some great ideas for shows. You're you're proving to be not invaluable. I wouldn't go far, but you're proving to be useful. Let's do this podcast without me. Addicted, you're not gonna stop doing nice try though. No. But I can certainly you can good luck. Anyway, anyways. So today is national day it is. So I would just like to take a moment out there to commemorate, all the veterans from World War, Two that are left not only World War Two, but all the veterans all innovation significant, yes, it's very American very like prideful in our son served in Afghanistan guests he does. Yes, he did. I, I totally back our troops. So but you did recently actually, kinda it very little. I did. So what I read today was eight ninety seven year old man ninety seven years old jumped out of a plane today in parachuted over Normandy beaches in Normandy, and he landed on the same ground, he touched touchdown on seventy five years ago. That's, that's fricking seventy five years ago and what a cool guy do. I know if when I'm ninety seven years old if, if I ever get to that. I hope I'm healthy enough to jump out of a. Like I just think that that had been so kick ass for him. I agree. That was just pretty I thought it was such an inspirational story that I wanted to share so. No. I think that's awesome. I think this really really, really cool. Yeah. I wanna be that cool when I get older. I mean that cool now but I'm hoping. Don't make me spit on my beer. And now he goes no way. Call her early fast. Whenever, you know. I mean if the boots fit. Basic Larry kind of same thing. All right. So I'm going to your off of that subject, and you insulting me all night all night. Did anything fun and exciting happen to you this week. No. Actually, I don't think so. No, my forgetting something. No. I'm just wondering. Oh, yeah. I really question. No. Because the plans we had were cancelled we are going to look for new BFF for me. Other than that. I mean well, not a new BFF. But I mean I do need -cation buddy, somebody's going to be stuff with me like that. You know. Yeah, I do. I'm good for my husband doesn't like vacations. So I need to broaden my horizons here. Yeah. Yeah. So. Veronese. You're looking into broadening my horizons. Not really good. I am talking about. No, I'm looking into we can totally put out a Craigslist ad for that to know that. Creepy, exactly. I mean, there's some creepy people out there and I just, I don't wanna attract them, so. Yeah, I'm pretty lucky. I don't I don't do I don't attract a lot of creepers. Eight hundred a lot more than I do. We've been there done that we don't you talk about it anymore. Yeah, but I don't I don't attract creepers I'm more that happy, keeping it that way. So other than that, what about you have anything fund happening, actually? I have a very funny story about your niece and nephew your dogs. Yes. My dog's feeling Toby. Okay. So for the very first time this story already never, I took them drink, my I, I took them to the vet for the very first time together. I've never had two dogs. You've taken them to disperse them both at the same time. Yes. Because I know you've taken him. Yeah. They go to the vet the time but we've always done separate appointments because Toby's older than Bailey. So I didn't know that. So we actually I did learn. We were we were trying to work it out to keep them on the scene schedule instead of having all these different appointments for the dogs like let's try to get him on the schedule. What he wants to once every other week. Right. Not us. So they're finally old enough. They're both over a year old. So we got him able to match up bailing out some vaccinations a little early. But at least her and Toby, or like on the same schedule in the veterinarian assured me that it would be fine. However, I learned something new about dogs dogs have Email glance I already knew this, but that they can use as weapons like a skunk so skunks like when they spray you. Desert you, they get scared. They, they squirt you with that ugly gross smell that England's well apparently dogs have this to do they hitting. I didn't know that. I didn't know they could they would squirt them. I knew that. Sometimes some dogs out there, actually have to have them squeezed. Yes. Well, I've always had maybe work. I've always had big dogs. So Toby is my very first little dog. He waited a whole thirty pounds. He's a Datsun inch wallo mix. And although I don't see any that Doug. He looks Dotson to me, his ears. He's got some. I think he looks twitchy or out sorry ears, stand up. That's usually down. Yeah. He move his up and down. Yes, he does. He he twitches years because he's so forgive has one up one down. By degrom. Go ahead with your story. So Toby was so frightened, Bailey's here. She's my. She weighed in at seventy pounds, by the way, she's a little heifer. Wow. And so- Bailey's ultra-lax do whatever you want, whatever. I know Toby's my little wildcard. I warn them about that. Like he might he has been, he hasn't been anybody yet, but he has an apt. Yes. He has snapped that, yes, I take extra precautions with my little Toby. Actually really hurt anybody. 'cause he's really all you have to do is drop kick him like a football. I know he's not gonna hurt anybody. But at the same time, you know, he he's got a little man syndrome. But so we put them up on the table for the doctor to examine them. And he was fine getting his heartbeat checked and all this other stuff. And then all of a sudden he got so scared of the veterinarian that it looked like diarrhea shot out of his ass. I'm never seen anything like this. And it went all over my husband. All over the wall and all down the floor. And I'm going, oh my God. And Bailey's just laying on the floor looking up at him like what is your problem and the veterinarian starts cracking up? He was like he really uses glanced and I was like, he used his what's. And I'm still dumbfounded that this just happening. I'm trying to explain to the veterinarian. He's never done anything like this before covered his ship. Juice. The smell hit me was like, that is not a normal smell smells like rotten fish, like it was horrible. So then the technician comes in, and she was like, oh, he used his glance, and I looked at her, and I said this thing, okay, I, she went. Oh, yeah. She explained to me. They use it when they are terrified for their life. That's when dogs use it when they think that their life is actually at jeopardy. They use it like skunk uses. Yeah. Their defense. Yeah. And she, she's kind of laughing, but she's telling me it's it's perfectly normal, but here I am going. My poor puppy really thought he was that much in danger. So even though it was a nightmare at the vet with Toby. He got everything he wanted for, like, three days after that. 'cause if you're going to be scared of at nearly that you think you're going to die. They use your glance. I'm just finding the funniest part of the story is the fact that you absolutely give no care whatsoever. That your husband got absolutely covered. It was hilarious. I was like, sorry about your luck. I 'cause the next time I saw when is the next day said, so here you had a really shitty type. I know. And he was, like, did you tell the whole world? She go on Facebook. I said, no, but I damn yes I call. We should go on Facebook. I said, I called cast, and I am going to tell everybody when I see them, what happened, you really should put in base, because it's really hilarious story. Now. It's on the podcasts. Okay. So let's share here. Yeah. Yeah. That's a Larry. I thought I love. I thought I love I love it. So in fresh respect, the next time the veterinarian assured me next time Toby has to go to the vet. I have to give him a sedative. Oh, that's not bad idea. No. And they also assured me that Bailey being there probably helped his anxiety. Let's so. Yeah. Vilis just chill dog. Yeah. She's pretty chill chill. I mean, she'll she's a puppy, she's not like she's not aggressive. She's, she's a house, but really, she's a year zero signs of ever having kind of Grushin or she. She is Toby like you said he's, you're welcome. But she, like I bet you I could walk up and just kick her seriously just straight on kicker. And she's still come over and like me. Yep. She is such a sweet dog. She really is. She's a lover. So I'll post pictures of Toby Bailey on our Facebook page, so you can get Shiels the ninetieth me. Yeah. She every time she goes in drinks. She like drills. And she comes up to me and like waves her mouth across Malaysia every time, and they are she does a drive by lick drive-by issue passes by Michi licks, my elbow, don't you, don't you do dry looks. No, no have done one in a while maybe if I had enough to drink notice that she said in a while, you know, you never know it could happen. Good. I make no promises no guarantees much, call drink. All right. So moving on from the all look, that's our confession about. Oh, ooh. A little early. Okay. What? What do you sure? Yup. All right. Because we're gonna answer it. We don't know. Well, you better answer it. We'll see all right? Here we go. Have you ever had shower sex, and how did turn out? And everyone knows we're asking this question. 'cause you see those, the movie scenes where they're like, mix of in the shower. And you just see the girl's hand on the glass door and everything's she's logged. Let's, let's be real shower sex sucks. It's awkward. It's so bad. It's just try even trying is just so awkward. No. Yeah. I totally agree. I, I've tried it, and yeah, no I will show together this. Okay. We'll find we'll shower together but I'm not going to try and have sex in the shower. Even showering together can get kind of annoying because, like I'm sorry shower only has so much room. I wanna shower by myself and this. You have one of those awesome showers where they have area double, but neither one of our rich yet. No, we don't have that opportunity happen. It could happen. But as of right now. Yeah. Shower sucks. It's a pain. Right. It's not like what? Lemme under their I guess open, my, it just. It's a mess. So, okay. Good. Well, at least we're on the same round the same off. I'm losing absolute thought we're on the same page. Right. I have been absent minded is all get. So. Use the dodgers game. Mary, just don't get the hiccups. Oh my gosh. Thanks for pointing out and making these countries again. Now, I'm probably going to get them. Again. Thanks thinks you're welcome. Wow. So I have the Belden ring, but I will ring it as not a confession on the box out because I do have a fun question for you. This one beat them Bill for wasn't me guy. What soil, everybody would you want to party with? If you could party with anybody for one night, only total party. Yeah. Like not Hoke up. Not anybody that you could hang out with drink, and go to bars with and all that other to be like a celebrity or can be their character. No, I want celebrity because I know certainly characters that the LA bull. Yeah, people like if I had to pick a character minute, I'm going off topic sorry, but Veda pick a character be kept inject zero. Okay. Where's is that would be a blast? So you wouldn't want to party with Johnny Depp. I don't know how parties 'cause you don't hear stories about him too much year about him with this woman that woman this woman that woman this woman that woman, and then they break up and then they get married. And then this person he has a lot of sacks. I got thing, but I don't know about the party aspect, but kept inject Spiro who always occurs about the Rome. Yeah, he is the guy, I would wanna party if you partied with Jack Speer, though, you would always be picking them up off the floor and no. I'd be on the floor with them. It'd be here would be like I'd be like laying on the floor extra. I'm going, oh, this is awesome. This make this. I think if you I can party at the level of my peers at the time. Oh, okay. So Janez are like if I'm the I'm I never the only one just drinking. You know what I mean? If I'm out drinking with people. They're all drinking the same levels me. I'm never liked the one. I sure there's been times. Sure. Sure. Just as specified. There's been times when I've been the drunk that loud, drunker. Yeah. You know, or the Lao drug person we have all been to parties where you have the loan drug girls love drunk, and you're that has happened to me in the past. Okay. And I promise myself, I'm never going to be the loud. Drove girl again. So I make sure I try to keep myself on the same level. How do you feel when you break that promise to yourself? I don't I have to okay? I seriously on the nights that I've had that much to drink. When I talked to the friends, I've hung out with the next day. They are this vote is me. Same with you. Every time you go drinking were pretty much pretty much on par with each other through that. Yeah. And it was my other friends when I go out with them, we'll I'll be like I don't remember anything they happened the night before. They're like, well, I couldn't tell you either. So you're serious is that you and Jack Sparrow would be on the same level of, of. Party. But as for like a just a celebrity, I would say John snow, whoever he is. Because uses him just went every hip, for drinking probably him then get here. Three have. Yeah. Yeah. Because drinking, yes drugs. No. I'm not. I'm not the imagine okays like Eimi wine house, or something like that. He was drugs. So I'm not a drug person either. But I know these two guys I have two people that in my wildest fantasies, I just want out, whatever just drinking. No. I just wanna hang out with them. Well, you're talking about fan one. Now it is a fantasy of mine. I wanna hang out with them. I think they would be offen- hilarious, okay? South Rogan James Franco. But they're still owners. It doesn't matter. They're so funny. I drink jeans. Yes. James Franco is also drinker. He's whiskey. So what was that one movie that they were in with the devil in the end of the world? Oh, gosh. It was so bad. Today's it was such an a as or I can't remember the name of I don't know. But anyway, wash that movie with my mother. My mother was like hill. The hill is this, this money that you would watch that with her. I think it was when we lived with her for that short period. You know, and she just happened to sit down and was like, oh, what are you guys watch with my mother since I was eighteen so good for you. I know. Right. Let's because you had babies. Just babies or plus I know I would just like network out ever. All right. So. We also want to put out there in a few weeks. I'm putting out. Amy's putting out in a few weeks. Although this now there may actually get somewhere listeners onboard, am we're guests maybe. Well, this is where I'm going with us as we would like. Going with them. So what I thought of is, let's do a beer tasting competition or not competition. You're tasting event of ent- and this, why keep your own resigned. Lipping geniune because you, you do have the okay where you come up with really good yet. Which makes me genius. I on the work anyway. So we're gonna do a beer tasting contest and or not contest of. I know because we talked about doing a hot contest. Yeah. Turn, which we will. But that's going to be later on. But no, we're going to do. Do a beer tasting event. Yes. So what we're going to do. We're gonna grab a bunch of different craft beers. Anything from a weedy to PA to our to a fruit to a logger all those running. Right. Ownersh. We're going to give our reviews. Yeah, we'll grab one of each of whatever floats their boat. We're just going to grab it and put it in. But in order to really be successful at a beer tasting event to, I would I would like as many guests as we can possibly fit at the big table. Well, this table seriously. This actually, here's a little story. And I hope it does import anybody. So this table that were sitting at right now is about twelve feet long. I think it's actually like the beetle juice table. So it's really, really long now we actually had this table at her house was our dining room table. 'cause we have a big dining room, actually actually wouldn't put when we bought the house, that has set up as a family room fireplace and everything we ended up turning into our formal dining room. But then it was so huge we need tables. So Tom found this table on Craigslist, and it came with table in twelve chairs and he got it for like three hundred dollars just because it's so flippant heavy. They just wanted to. Don't it is fast. If you guys remember watching Beetlejuice on this the scene that, that the shrimp comes up and grabs her face as the three foot foot plunge. Yeah. That we like you go that one when they this is what the table, I swear straight onto Beetlejuice handmade table. This is handmade and it's just a laminated table. But yeah, it's huge. So we could fit easy twelve people in so ten more besides Eimi night. Yes. So let us know because we wanna do a beer tasting and we just think it would be so fun. So we're gonna wait a couple of weeks to do it to see responses, but we're gonna posted on her Facebook and ask for people who want to join us. And we're probably just going to have a few microphones around, or we could even hit when we passed to people. Yep. Video, it maybe do like livestream. And then that's what I kinda wanna do is livestream YouTube video when we're on this. So if you're wanting to participate on JC with us, yes, just hanging party with us because, you know, we're so awesome. We. Son is so Billy girl. Amy also even listening to these two podcast. We do Amy's like what I really get drunk. I sound like a valley girl. It's horrible. I don't I don't hear myself talk like when I hear them playback I sound like a valley girl, and I'm totally not I come from Romulus. I should not sound like a valley. Well, possibly ugly didn't choose me. No. I didn't use. But it was me. Was you came from wind. He said. Actually, no, sorry, Westside I grew up on for three towards for three on Ford street toward anyway. I'm babbling now. So the funny thing is Amy. Listen to our podcast. And she hates when she sounds like a valley, girl, I might laugh. Because I have just this, so weird laugh that just doesn't fit my normal voice. I don't know. I think it does really. I think. Just like just like also voice goes deep nicer, laughing, because I don't think I have a deep voice. No. You know, but I don't I don't know my laugh, always just kind of like almost know what people had people have told me this before sounds forced your voice. No may may laugh may have like a force laugh. Oh, I don't think it does. And you got a lot of people tell me that. And they also told me I sound like I used to laugh like kitty from this show when she went. And when I do think these because I'm like her. Like do so either like her to know. Right. It's because I have kids and asshole husband. I should start calling Tom Reid. We should it. We're gonna totally nickname, Tom read from here on the boy girl kid, I have three but they're all grown and everything else. But Tom has the girl I have boy, girl, he has a girl boy, the girl's the eldest likened this show. Anyway, totally dickering. So what's next topic me help me out here because I'm just gonna keep going down this rabbit hole. We don't need to do every. Oh my gosh. I'm don't be it has some more pickle MARTINI drinker. Martini. So what is in your merging? Fatal juice and vodka does it to parts pickle juice when? Okay, you're drinking, Jack vodka and. Okay. Mic ultra. Yep. Pickle juice. Yes. And tito's. So I've got really bad her now. I'm excellent. Right now. I'm excellent it. So my next question to you was, what's the difference between just drinking beer drunk? Oh, and what's liquor drunk? Oh, so I'll drink alcohol the differences. I'm going to stop drinking liquor. In a couple of minutes because I can't do it. So here's the difference. When we went out on my oldest daughter's bachelorette party. I drink liquor. I was really bad. I threw well, you guys are up more than me. Yeah. Threw up at your at home to my stomach. I in like, wanna perfect example, penguin kind, I was drinking almost all Oklahoma that night will not linka liquor. I almost always, and I, I don't remember what happened. I can't recall about eighty percent of my night. But if I do just beer, I'm okay. I don't have memory issues. Wake up the next day, and I'm fully extra. Have a little too much depending on what kind of beer, I'm drinking, it takes a lot of make ultrasonic totally. Yeah. It's it took actually, my husband before we were married. We were probably together for I don't know, maybe eight years in. I was really I didn't drink beer. Then I drank just liquor. Really? Yes. I know you don't drink wine. No, it gets me. Herber fujian's. No her voice, did not Waco. Ebony of you have ever seen that YouTube this. Get you guys watch is pretty funny. The for actually the first time I heard white girl wasted. I was like, what was that me? I had a YouTube, it everyone does. But okay. So no. We were together for about eight years. I would say and so we live together, obviously. Yeah. Very serious and series. We always went to the bar, but I always drink liquor. He was always a beer drinker. Well, I would do shots at check and shots tequila. You know, I when I drink the Laker, I mixed up, you know, I broke all the cardinal rules. Yeah. And finally, it was one night. He looked at or one morning. I should say, he looked at me and he said, either, you quit drinking tequila or I'm gone. Wow. I went, wow. What happened? That's serious to see years into the relationship. I'm like, what, what did I do? And I was famous Ford what happened the night I always try to get him into fights at the bar 'cause I drink liquor. I think I'm Billy bad ass. I know you did it when we were at the concert. Exactly you're ready to kill some girl in the restroom. I was ridiculous. It was funny. I sorry that was funny because you come out of the bathroom like so mad, I'm like you, you repeating. 'cause you again. She told me I was rude. And I'm not I'm not rude at all night. I have to agree with that. You're I'm either. I'm very cautious. Specially when I'm drinking, I'm very like extra polite. Like I not a route either. But I'm I am. So sarcastic this time yet. No. She she'd, hold me. I was rude. And I was like, what? Yeah, I know you're ready to throw down with her, and I'm like, all right. Let's see. Because I drink liquor that night, then I was like, I'm from Detroit. Like, like an idiot, I was so so done. Do you from I'm like, we may be in Ohio. But I'll show you. Hieaux bisciste. What's up? Amerifactors, I was wearing my Detroit shirt there. Well, the whole weekend, when I have also the whole weekend, we were like, f-, Ohio everything about Ohio, is just off their freeways, and if you're from Ohio, we apologize. It's ridiculous. It was it was in the hotel charge me for an extra day. So I hit, like, call them and have the charges removed off my sucks. And this what he said to me. I'm like, are you finally it took me like a wild, but I had argued with them. I'm like, why would you charge me for an extra day? We left like eight nine o'clock in the morning yet because. Hall of fame, but the rock and Roll Hall of fame was cool. That was it was awesome. So anyways back to my original story. I'm sorry. Where were we know? So apparently I tried to get my husband to fight that night. Okay. And I started talking crap to some guy and he started talking crap to me. And my defense was really went tell my boyfriend that. Jeremy is sitting there going really. Now, he'll throw down for me in heartbeat at the time. But I'll pay for it. A feeling that, that ever happened in like with my husband, I'd be like somebody lays like getting me. My husband would be like, hey, you started this shit. You're on your own Ono my. No. My husband has always backed me up even if I was in the complete wrong, and you witnessed it once was. With a mutual friend, sir just randomly talking crap to me. Oh, and was. No, I was going home with even Volve thanking but not heavily. Yeah. No, it was very it was chili cook off like it was, and it was very random. That your husband felt was a little derogatory toward you each. Yes. So I agree. Totally. I think it was awesome. I don't I don't know. My husband doesn't like do that. I stick up for myself in this. I stick itemize yourself, but it's nice that he might he always goes back, even when I'm in the wrong, he has my bag, when I'm drinking liquor ninety percent of the time I'm going to be in the wrong. Yeah. So ninety percent of the time he's gotta back me up. I and I feel like I feel like he has to go up to go up to a random game. You like I'm sorry. My wife's a bitch, but I have to still kick your ass. When we're talking about Amy's liquor drunk, as opposed to her beer, drunk on her liquor drunk nights, I will get called the next day going. Oh my gosh. Can't I was such an asshole. I am an asshole when I drink too much, like it'd be like, she'll be like, I screwed up because my mouth gets the bus to me. And I think I'm Billy to Billy, we'll use will speak, your mind seal majority of the time, you don't speak your mind. You really don't there's when we talked about those little public because, you know why, because I'm polite. So I speak, my, I'm very my. I speak my mind, especially during the day. Don't have choice. I'm I cur Bank. I have. But when I'm even outside the Bank on in outside of my job. I it's not that I'm not polite, but I'm very honest. Well, yeah, I mean, almost I don't I don't think we would get along as much. I think that's what makes us great friends is because. Opposites attract all that shit or that you're not it's not that you're not honest. I'm very honest in. So as Amy I must choose win to open my mouth and outspoken honest. Oh, that's. I missed almost I'm I'm out setting. You religion. I said that she started going religion or when people ask me, what religion I am Sam krom now not to tell people what chrome is look it up. Look at or looking at. Well, let me know. Because if you're a true die hard like old school fan of some kind of comic book you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. When I say my gods crumb. He's vengeful. God. I say that to people the time and they just look at me like you know, like I'm looking at you right now. Two. That's all right. That's all right. Here we go. Again, that's right. So next week would we have in store for us next week? I have no flippin idea. Why are you asking me questions? I didn't know there was going to be a test. I know. So do one more question, though. Come on. Come on. All right. So we're going to do one more question and whiny Moore's can confession. We're joking confession. All right. Here we go. You ready for this one? Amy right? Have you ever stopped a crush? I did who I did. Yeah. And I was. Junior high or high school. I don't even remember how old I was, but me and one of my close girlfriends at the time. Who is now actually a cop, which is what makes it funnier. But I we had been like between thirteen and fifteen and we had a sleepover at my house, and we were BFF's at the time 'cause, you know how it is that. And. Our crushes where BFF's. Okay. And we knew they were having a sleepover at their house, that was like this. Okay. Yeah. So it was only like two blocks away. So we decided okay, this is how long ago this was we wrote love letters guide on E word processor. Which is for you guys that are listening don't know what a word processors, and I'm totally showing my age. It's like a typewriter. Not quite as smart as computer doing. It's a in-between between a computer and typewriter. So he wrote these love letters that were like love your secret admirers, and then we snuck out of my house at, like two clock in the morning. And went and put it in their mailbox. Oh my God. I know so Courtney, I guess, so corny and then I get pages, they obviously knew who it was. I don't know why. Because it was before social media. Yeah. And all that other stuff. And it's I know and before cell phones. So my your winnow. Okay. 'cause I hit the flab pager. Yeah, we were totally called out on it, and it was the most bearing moment, because we were like, oh, we're just like fun. And, and we didn't really think that they were gonna know it was from us, but apparently made it obvious, and wow. Yep. All right. So my story with this as so this was in-between has been one point, oh, and one point seven. So between my Tom, I was when I was single. Just trying to specify timeframe here. So anyway, I was. I had deeded did guy for a while. And oh my gosh. I must have been totally drug stone. Whatever the, the whole relationship because it's goes, grouper and really creeper I've ever dated. And it's the only one I ever look back and go, what the hell was. I thinking what because I'm just like even my daughter's called him the frog what did I call them the frog 'cause nasty we all. It's fine. So what he had done something. I forget what it was, but he hit we were out and this is the time broke up with them. We're at a restaurant. And, and it was a restaurant we went to all the time. Right. So he said something that pissed me off. And I'm like, you know what we're done. I picked up his drink and actually poured it over his head. Seriously? I've always wanted to. Great sex in the city and throw my Martinez fee. I took it was history. Not mine. Hi. So I pour his drink over his head and everybody in the whole restaurant slash bar is like a bird, grow place that we went to like just your normal neighborhood. Hang out there all stopped in looked and they're like it everyone froze, because he didn't know what he was going to do. I didn't even know either. I think he was gonna hit me because there was other people there because he was the kind of guy that would hit me. Seriously? He really was. But because there was people there. I think he's loser. He oh, he's horrible is so anyway, I pour the drink over his head. And I'm like weird dawn. I, I want nothing more to ever do with you again. And so he gets up. Well, good for you. Right. I thank you. Thank you very much. But he said something to me when he was leaving. I'm sure it was really bad name. He called me. So I was like, oh game on I was ready to throw it. I get awfully leash. Right. So I get up and go to them out and this one guy at the bar they was saying down from the birth from us stepped up in walked right in between us. And he goes, no, he goes, you don't wanna do this. And I look at this guy for him. Yes. But by looked up this guy. Oh, gee. This was incredibly hot. I was just like, okay whatever you watch. I mean it just like just your shot glass just like looking up at him. I realized just how incredibly good looking this guy was. So I was like. Other guy, I forgot the guy even existed at this point. This guy was so incredibly good looking. So I'm like, okay, so eve comes down by Drake, and I'm like okay, next to and we talking everything, and he tells me as name, and we're talking and everything else. And then at the end of the night, I could tell he was into me. But I don't know why. Because I've always been I, I don't know, if it was been a little more self conscious about myself, and when you run into somebody using his debt, incredibly hot you're like oh, they can't really be. Sometimes, sometimes you're kind of naive. It will you don't think that person's way too high to be? Well, it's, it's no different than the couple. I thought they were. Yes. No way that couple within. Yeah. But this, this guy was just so hot. I'm like, there's no way this guy like wants to hook up with me or anything. So I actually left, he told me is name, though. So I kept his name. Do you remember it? Yes. Well, no, I wanna say remember his last name. I don't remember as first name. Oh, but I remember his last name, 'cause it's. The it's the sausage company coal wall ski close game co-ops commute quality. So that's why remembers last name his last name was quasi, okay? So I at the time he was first named to. So seriously, I started looking him up and social media. Now I was always irregular, at the, the place where you're at. So in in that's what many even funnier is that there was my, our local hang out. So I kept waiting for him to come back in and he didn't. So I kind of looked him up and stocked him. And did you ever get to see him again? This is part of the story. So I messaged him. I found him on whatever social media was at the time. I think it was might space mice mice face. And I like nineteen eighty so I wanted to be cool and everything. I'm just like, hey, I don't know if you remember me, but thanks again, for stopping me for making a bit vision, and he messaged me and then we ended up going out on a couple dates. And we ended up like seeing each other for Lewitt and. Then he don't me, but. Like I stocked here style. Where I stopped him to the point where like we actually hooked up for a little bit. We actually goes Docker, so sometimes it's. So he actually was into me and off too. Sometimes it's worth shocking, but come to find out he was fresh out of divorce and stuff like that. So he wasn't ready to the commitment. I was a rebound which at the time you know what honestly even now I was not hurt broken over it, but I was lucky being the rebound because it just how high he was. So I have to say you know that actually the this talking crush thing worked out for my best interest in that because we did end up looking up off. Yes. So, so, yes, so anyway, I'm sorry for forgetting your first name. But if Mr. cross keys out there. Yeah. Yeah. You had the most flies ever seen in my only. Really did? So. Yeah. All right. So I'm pretty sure this is bringing our episode to close. Oh, do we have to? Yeah. Having so much fun. I know it's about time then this doll. I know. But we'll pick back up. Next week. Nine yes. On Wednesday next week might have next week we will be talking about the difference between liquor drunk and beer drunk. We'll talk more about that. Yeah. Did we not get deep enough into it for, you know, actually, I have a couple of articles, I want. And I thought maybe I was just talking too much. No. And then we're also going to give you our best hangover cures. Oh, yes. So to which is really funny. Yes. So if you guys are heavy drinkers, and once or even if you're not heavy drinkers, but heavy drinkers are the ones that don't have hangover cures because they don't get over. So he gets to the like novice get hung over you. Like, would you do? Yeah, so care of the dog. So basically, how to be a functional drunk is how we're going to tell you to live your life. That'll be coming up next week. And again in a few weeks, we wanna do appear. Tasty watch Facebook. Come to our Facebook page. Anyone who comments is gonna be invited here. And I do believe with the beer tasting, we are going to do Facebook live YouTube, why? We're gonna YouTube live it. Yeah. We're gonna start a YouTube channel. Yes. Sorry. I don't mean to interrupt. No, go ahead. So we're going to start a YouTube channel, and it's going to be my drunken confessions or drugging fashions whichever one I haven't gone on YouTube yet. I will find one now started, and we're just going to start doing our regular commentary, like we do now for our podcast for going to do it with video guess, because people, some people just want to watch video. They don't want to just listen. I don't know why people wouldn't wanna watch us but I don't know I'll get dance who. Oh, yeah. Video. All right. So see tuned next week for all of our upcoming events. We totally have a lot of dolls. Good valley, girl. I did because I totally. But we do we're we're of the valley girlish, but we do totally have a lot of things in store for future episodes, and I'm really excited about it. I am, too, so I can't wait to get more guests on our show. Hopefully our guests next week shows up, and then we have other things and people. And so, again the way you wanted to be a guest hit us up. You can Email us at my drunken confessions, edgy meal dot com. And of course, you can always hit hit us up on think actually probably our best bet just Facebook Facebook, find us comment message. And we have over I couple of hundred fans and I wanted it needs to be. Be a couple million. Yeah. But for now, please. If you are a current fan, if you have already liked our Facebook, drunken confessions. Please share it. Please. Let all of your other friends No-ho amazing. We are. We are hilarious and get the word out there, 'cause that's the only that's the only way we're going to be able to continue doing this. Well, we need the feedback, we need the the sharing. Yeah. Because we're not looking like we're not out there like pursue you sponsors and stuff like that. No, we want you yet. We are we are strong end. We let people who want to do this without saving fans cohorts. Yes, we went cohurt say, I want to come in here and do this with us. We have people that are we have their own podcast. They wanna come on here, things like that we wanna know we're not alone. Won't you be my name? Amen. All right. So on that note, I have a great cheers to send us off. All right. Let's let's hear it. Dean, Martin said it. Best of d Martin, I know me too. You're not drunk, if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Oh, I that before. I love that. Okay. Shut so technically, I'm not drunk because I'm, I'm pretty sure I can hold onto the floor or lay on the floor without holding on. I'm just glad you're not driving home. Amen. Oh, mary. A minute. Oh, this is a little bit of a longer episode trust. Because we a lot, but we have so much fun. You did. Thank you for sticking it out with us. Yeah. Think we sticking with us. We really enjoyed I think we're usually around thirty to forty minutes. I think we've gone over our now. Yeah. But that's all right. Because you know what we're awesome. It doesn't matter yourself finding I am. Thank you for dosing. So we will talk to you guys next week may have guessed my net. We're okay with that Hever. It is what it is, is. Yep. So okay, so we'll talk to you next week by guys. Love ya love ya.

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716: Trail of Tears

This American Life

1:01:24 hr | 5 months ago

716: Trail of Tears

"Support for this American life comes from Sitka salmon shares a community supported fishery delivering seasonal shares of traceable sushi grade wild Alaskan, seafood learn about their small boat fleet, fine recipes and order at Sitka salmon shares. Dot Com. Support for this American life comes from indeed indeed can help you find great candidates. So you can focus on hiring the right person for a special offer visit indeed dot com slash American terms and conditions apply offer valid through. September. Thirtieth. Lucien Trescott tries to explain how he's related Thomas Jefferson he says, okay, he's seventy-three. He used to visit a great grandmother who used to visit her great grandfather. Thomas Jefferson's grandson. So there was only when I was growing up I visited my great grandmother. There was only one dead person between me and Jefferson. Lucian was a boy in the early nineteen fifties just six or seven years old when we visit family and Charlottesville sometimes, they would drop them off with his brother at Monticello Jefferson's home. Who says it was before the place had been remade for tourists like it is today basically visitors who pay maybe a dollar and walk through the House. You know my great aunt, they treated the place like like it was still the family home and. We had the run of the points. We used to fill our pockets full of pebbles from the walkways up there and go up on the second floor and third floor replace and crawl out windows onto this parapets center up on. Top of Monticello and drop pebbles on the tour or walking around the house. And Very. A social behavior. And and you're. Probably the only person you'll ever talk to your life that's actually jumped on Thomas Jefferson's bed. I mean we we would play on the bed. We go through that little doorway up the stairs into the closet, which is above the. And sit up there in the closet and one tourists came through the room. We'd stick our faces out of the window up there. Say boop and. Scare them. Hide their. Adult supervision at all no, they'll supervision at all. We went through all the bedrooms stuff a fair, and then of course, we play down in a basement rooms. And then of course, what they call the dependencies, which were the slave rooms that run under the two wings that Ronald out from shallow itself. You'll be decades before the slave quarters are part of the Monticello tour says, these are just empty rooms under the house. No furniture anything else in them. He and his brother would explore in run around. Off Play. Seek seeker whatever little boys did. It's amazing to me that the degree to which it felt like a family home. Did it feel the way to you as a kid? You know I have to tell you that all of this stuff. In my family was just taken for granted. These days of course, nothing about the legacies of the founding fathers has taken for granted. Does this week especially committee appointed by the Mayor of Washington DC COR, removing, relocating or contextualising. Monuments to slave owning founding fathers including the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument, which by the way, the mayor doesn't actually have jurisdiction over. Meanwhile the President of course has put his arms around this issue right after he began his reelection campaign, he gave his speech at Mount Rushmore to make sure that he does not want to remove any monuments, rename any buildings or military bases. But this great great. Great. Whatever it is direct descendant of Thomas Jefferson Lucian Truscott he's got special perspective on this. He led the charge to convince all the other white descendants of Thomas. Jefferson, to other black descendants of Thomas, Jefferson and their official family association. The black family members, of course, trace back to Jefferson and Sally hemmings wanted to be slaved. Vision thinks that everybody needs to get real about the slave owning past of some the founding fathers. Like how do you feel about people taking down monuments of Thomas Jefferson I fact they ought to be taken now. I think that the Great Thomas. Jefferson's Monticello and I think it's an appropriate monument because it actually puts Jefferson's life. In context it puts his sleeve owning as part of his life and in context if you visit Monticello today, you get to see where the slaves lived. You'll be shown where Sally hemmings his brother John Did Woodwork in Jefferson's bedroom and study, and so forth slaves. Place. I never heard it as Milton Nice. When I was growing up but it's talked about today the history of Monticello at this point is about half Jefferson history half slave history i. think that's appropriate. As a memorial. It it tells the story of the whole man. Just the. This sort of God like Thomas Jefferson Win Wall been raised to venerate. What are we supposed to do with the shameful parts of America's past? Is being talked about so much today. Back in the early days of our radio show in the late nineties whatever contributor Sarah vowed to destroy that took that on in this very vivid and complicated way she said out on the road where sister. To visit the site of a historic tragedy when then about part of their own family hundred, sixty years before that. And we wanted to replay it this holiday weekend 'cause the questions that it addresses things that it is obsessed with are all so much more talked about today than twenty two years ago when she did that story. From WBZ Chicago this American Life. I'm IRA glass. We take a road trip into history today. Stay with us. Serve Alan her sister amy were born in Eastern Oklahoma Mo called Indian territory before statehood. The tourist Iranians and SASA where it begins. The enrolled citizens of the Cherokee nation like the parents, which as here is important to the story. Here's the opening line of service story from Nineteen Ninety Eight. Being at least a little Cherokee in northeastern. is about as rare and remarkable as being Michael Jordan fan in. CHICAGO. Who isn't? Guessing I don't need to explain that Antique One Thousand Nine Hundred Sports referenced many of you. But I do have one note before we play the rest of the story and it's about the word engine. Sarah asked me to point at anyone hearing this today that her grandfather was born in Indian territory before statehood and he used the word engine as term of affection is never derogatory. Okay. So picking up. Serious. It goes without saying that my twin sister amy is to accept that I have dark eyes dark hair and she's a blue eyed blond and so our grandfather nicknamed me engine and her Swede. Here's Amy's take on all of this I must point out that while my sister and I don't really look like we sound almost exactly alike a hint for listening to this story I'm usually the grouchy one. Here's amy I. Mean those roles were assigned to us you know Indian and Swede because of the way we looked, but it was also more like the things we were told about ourselves and. You know she was the one who was given the Cherokee language book and I was the one who was always told how much alike I was to our Swedish grandmother and I think. I was probably you know six or seven or something before I realized that I was Cherokee too. We're a little French and Scottish and English and seminole to typical American Mutt. But the Cherokee in Swedish sides of the family were the only genealogies. Anyone knew anything about here's what we knew about ourselves. Ellis Island. Trail of tears. And I think to a kid trail of tears the Cherokees forced March from the East to Oklahoma where we were born seemed enormously more interesting just as a name. Even the smallest. What tears mean and I think in my earliest understanding of where I came from I pictured myself descended from a long line of weeper with bloodshot eyes. The trail of tears between eighteen, thirty, eight and thirty nine, the US Army wrenched sixteen thousand people from their homes rounded them up in store cades and marched them across the country. Four thousand died. Every summer when we were children, our parents would drive us to a place about half an hour from where we lived called Jolla Geology, which is the Cherokee word for Cherokee. Shall ideas the Tribes Cultural Center? There's a recreated village museum, and this was our favorite part, an amphitheater which staged a dramatic recreation of the trail of tears. Every summer we watched chief John Ross try like mad to save the Cherokee, land back east we saw his hothead rival stand wadey rage off to the civil war. We especially loved the death of the Phoenix, a noisy Magenta let interpretive dance in which the bird would die only to rise again. Programs or brochures and Sarah was kind of in charge of them and sometimes she'd let me look at them. She had a whole little file and You know we would look through them and It was. I did take it to heart. It was a story that was really Tragic I have sort of reverent feeling towards it and I think it's because of this play because this play was so serious and and told such a detailed story that It kind of took this place of significance like it was really important and it really mattered. Here's the measure of how important the amphitheater show was to amy our father and our grandfather used to show photographs of Cherokee leaders in books. But even now when I imagined stand eighty I picture the actor Jolla Ghee. So all my life I knew I wouldn't exist but for the trail of tears and it struck me as a little silly that most of the things I knew about it were based on an amphitheater drama I haven't seen for nearly twenty years. At first I thought I'd read some books about it which I did, but then I wanted to see it feel it know how long track it was I wanted it to be real. I enlisted amy perhaps she'd like to do all the driving. A historical tragedy in five fourteen hour days behind the wheel who could pass that up. And so I fly from Chicago she from. Montana. In one spring morning, we find ourselves in a rental car on our way to northwestern Georgia, the homeland of the Cherokee before they were shoved out to. The place, the trail of tears begins. The. Cherokee. Territory once encompassed most of present day Tennessee and Kentucky as well as parts of Alabama Georgia Virginia and the Carolinas. Even. Before contact with the Europeans in fifteen forty, there were a pro democratic society. They built these enormous council houses big enough to fit the entire tribe inside. So everyone could participate in tribal decisions. Were barely on the road in our when we spot them. In jains, ceramic ones three feet tall at a shack on the side of the road amy drives past them. We do a double take and we don't even discuss whether or not to stop. She just backs up immediately and parks. Are you of native American descent. Mexico. Texas. In. Texas. What brought you to Calhoun Georgia the work. The A little. Indians. He sailing her of the Kitschy teepee toting plains Indians. which are probably a lot easier to sell than the stereotypical image of a Cherokee attired outta woman tromping through the trail of tears in rags who wants that as a lawn ornament. Who who buys the some statues, these Indian statutes people here from cal him around Georgia. People here on Order Love Indians. Well, after they got rid of them. You tell the truth there. and. The. Cherokee. Especially, the mixed bloods were always your nerdy overachiever bookish sort of tribal in the early nineteenth century they launched a series of initiatives directly imitating the new American republic. In one decade, they created a written language started a free press, ratified a constitution and founded a capital city. New showed was that capital. Now. It stands in the middle of nowhere a Georgia state park with a handful of buildings across from a golf course. and. Now we. New Jota was founded in eighteen twenty five to call at the Cherokee version of Washington. DC is entirely applicable given the form of government, the tribe established there. They ratified a constitution based on that of the United States dividing into legislative judicial and executive branches its preamble begins. We the representatives of the people of the Cherokee nation in convention assembled in order to establish justice, insure tranquility, promote our common welfare and secure to ourselves and our posterity the blessings of liberty. Unlike Washington new, which is cool and quiet in green site manager David Gomez showed us around the grounds in aiming are were unprepared for the loveliness of the place for its calm lushness its fragrance everywhere honeysuckle was in bloom. I like it here it's Nice it's Peaceful and it's right for the. For the. Atmosphere is right for what was going on in the story that we tell here. It's a story that's sad and a lot of ways but it was a lot of great things happening with the Cherokee nation. The Cherokee along with the other southeastern tribes who suffered removal to Oklahoma the chickasaw, the creek, the choctaw, the seminole, or one of the so called Five civilized tribes. It was in eighteen twenty, two that the Cherokee hero sequoia developed. Now for bet inventing the soul written language of any North American tribe. Only six years later, Cherokee editor Elias booed not founded the Cherokee Phoenix, a bilingual English, Cherokee newspaper published it new Shoda. Many Cherokee especially, the mixed bloods practice Christianity, and because many of these lived as civilized southern gentlemen of the early nineteenth century, they owned prospering plantations, which meant they owned black slaves. More than any other native American tribe, the Cherokees adopted the Religious Cultural and political ideals of the United States. Partly as a means to self preservation. Becoming more like the Americans they hoped to coexist with this new nation that was growing up around them. They weren't allowed to. Georgia settlers wanted their land and third gold which was discovered near new showed in eighteen, twenty nine. On they really progressing so fast at this time period. The printing operation was going with their newspaper here. Things are. Moving so fast for for short while here, it looked very promising because of the old and the big demand for land. The fate had already been really sealed for him in earlier years. Tribal allowed Christian missionaries to live and work among them and to teach children English. The most beloved of these was the Presbyterian Samuel Worcester who built a two story house at New Chiodo which functioned as a post office school and rooming house. It's still there and David Gomez walks us through. Steve. Stamps here your whole. The state of Georgia. Which of all the southern states treated the Cherokee with the most hostility passed a number of alarming laws in the eighteen twenties and thirties undermining the sovereignty of the nation. One of these laws required white settlers within the boundaries of the nation to obtain a permit from the state of Georgia. Samuel. Worcester. Refused to apply for such a permit arguing that he had the permission of the Cherokee to live on their lands and that should suffice. Georgia arrested Worcester and imprisoned him for four years. Worcester appeal to the Supreme Court and the case Worcester versus Georgia became a great victory for the tribe. The court under Chief Justice John. Marshall ruled that the Cherokee nation was just that a sovereign nation within the borders of the US and therefore beholding only to the federal government I e not under the jurisdiction of Georgia state laws and Jerky nation was lady you know they thought all right the highest court in the land of the United States you know this government that we're trying to copy. they've ruled in our favorites is going to be good of course, Andrew Jackson who was pro removal from the early years he had campaigned on that issue. decided he wasn't going to back the Supreme Court ruling. Think about that. That means. Jackson is violating his own oath of office to uphold the constitution. Anyway, the state of Georgia was thrilled when Jackson thumbed his nose at the court and immediately dispatched teams to survey the Cherokee lands for a land lottery soon, white settlers arrived here. They show up two years later in eighteen, thirty four. With Land Lottery Deed and with Georgia soldiers saying you know I've got this land from the lottery get off of it. When small constitutional violation that was part of the land grab Georgia's seized the Cherokee printing press. So they couldn't publicize their cause and win political support in states north. The tribe was divided about what to do stay in fight or demand cash for the land and head. West. no-one exploited the split more than Andrew Jackson. And no-one annoyed Jackson liked principal chief John Ross. Ross was a Jeffersonian figure in almost every since a founding father of the Cherokee nation in its modern legal form he preached liberty while owning slaves. An educated gentleman planter he was cheap from eighteen, twenty, seven to eighteen, sixty six. In his later years, he corresponded with Abraham Lincoln. In his early years, he was such a believer in the inherent justice of the American system that he lobbied relentlessly in Washington DC believing that once the congress and the president understood that the Cherokee were a virtuous sibling republic that they treat the tribe fairly as equals. Once, the state of Georgia began visiting the Cherokee and John Ross among them Ross wrote treated like dogs we find ourselves fugitives vagrants in strangers in our own country. The vast majority of the tribe wanted to stay put and supported Ross around two hundred men including Phoenix editor. Elias. Booed not in his brother Stan Wadey a hundred in tribe of sixteen thousand mad at Buddha. Knots House in New Shoda and signed a treaty with the US government. They had no authority to do this. Called the Treaty of new at Shoda, it relinquish all Cherokee lands east of the Mississippi in exchange for land in the West. They figure Georgia was already seizing Cherokee land. This might be the only way the Cherokee could get something for it. John Ross whom the Georgia militia arrested so that he could not protest was stunned. He accused the Treaty Party of treason. The rest of the sixteen thousand Cherokee signed a petition calling the treaty invalid and illegal. Congress ratified the treaty by only one vote despite impassioned pleas on behalf of the Cherokee by senators Henry Clay Davy Crockett. The tribe was given three years to remove themselves to the West. Now. We're standing at the site of Elias booed nuts house where the infamous newest showed a treaty was signed. Spring of thirty eight rolled around about right now and nobody was going anywhere Georgia and federal government thought they were going to have some problems and you had about seven thousand foods come in forcibly removed the Cherokees from their farm from their houses and. Initially rounded up and what Ramona's force or stock AIDS, and then moved up into eastern Tennessee and northeastern Alabama to three immigration depots where they were then transferred. Then moved out on the trail tears, everybody knows. So Teddy pay this is the starting point for the trail of tears for the individual trick Jarecki's really started at their front door wherever they were rounded up from. Amy and I want to step on this patch of grass where the treaty was signed but we hesitate. It's not a grave Gomez tells us but that's what it feels like. We tiptoe onto it this profane ground. Then we tiptoe away. Perhaps. We should be embarrassed by certain discrepancies between our trail of tears, and there's we're week where decadent where Americans, which means road trip history buffs one minute Amnesia tax the next we want to remember except when we want to forget. We register at the Chattanooga Choo Choo the Chatanooga. Chew it's a hotel. Now, a gloriously hokey beautifully restored Holiday Inn in which the lobby is the ornate dome of the old train station in the rooms are turn of the century rail cars parked out on the tracks we're in giggles the entire night for the simple reason that the phrase Choo Choo is completely addictive. We try to work it into every sentence. What should we do for dinner stay here at the Chew Chew we end up going out for barbecue saying this is good but I can't wait to get back to the chew. We watch the X. Files in our train car commenting is it just me or is this show even better in the chew chew I send email from my laptop just so that I can right greetings from the Chattanooga Choo. Choo exclamation point number of times. I just said Chu Chu seven number choose fourteen. Day To. Sadly, we check out of the chew and drive across town to Ross's landing. It used to be where John Ross is ferry service carried people across the Tennessee River but in eighteen thirty, eight, it was one of the starting points for the water route of the trail of tears. I stand on the sand and read a weathered historical marker. Established about eighteen sixteen by John, Ross some three, hundred seventy yards east of this point. It consisted of a ferry warehouse in landing Cherokee parties left from the landing for the West in eighteen thirty eight. The. Same year the growing community took the name Chattanooga and I'm sure there's no connection all between those two points. That sounds so nice. The left for the West. By Wia. I haven't mentioned that Ross's landing also functions as Chattanooga's tourist center up the hill from the river is the gigantic Tennessee. And an eye mex theater the place is crawling with tourists a crowd. So generic indistinguishable from one another they swirled around says a single t shirt. A. Hundred Sixty years ago thousands of Cherokees came through this site. In the summer they were forced onto boats faced heat exhaustion in a drought that stranded them without water to drink in the fall they headed west by foot eventually trudging barefoot blizzards either way they died of starvation, dysentery, diarrhea and fatigue a quarter of the tribe was gone. And here in the shadow of the aquarium, the trail of tears is remembered by a series of quotations from disgruntled native Americans carved into a concrete plaza. One of the citations from a Cherokee named dragging canoe is from seventeen, seventy six, the white men have almost surrounded. US. Leaving US only a little spot of ground to stand upon and it seems to be their intention to destroy us as a nation. Could. Call. Wrong, we're moving diagonally across the sidewalk. Andrew Jackson in eighteen twenty, it is high time to do away with the farce of trading with Indian tribes as separate nations will step on that one. The sidewalks there are symbolic of A. Broken promises. You making that up. No, it says right here some of the papers are cracked to symbolize the broken promises made to the Indians. Most Americans have had this experience. Most of us can name things. Our country has done that we find shameful from the travesties. Everybody agrees were wrong the Japanese internment camps or the late date of slavery's abolition two murkier partisan arguments about. Abortion or the NOLA gay. World History has been a bloody business from the get go but the nausea where suffering standing on the broken promises at Ross's landing is peculiar to a democracy because in democracy we're all responsible for everything government does. This is the letter from. Ralph Waldo. Emerson to President Martin Van Buren in eighteen thirty eight. A crime is projected that confounds our understandings by its magnitude, a crime that really deprives us as well as the Cherokee of country for how could we call the conspiracy that should crush these poor Indians, our government or the land that was cursed by their parting and dying imprecations our country anymore you sir will bring down the renown chair in which you sit into infamy if your seal is set to this instrument of perfidy and the name, this nation hitherto, the sweet omen of religion and liberty will stink to the world. and. The Path, end. With a quotation from an unknown survivor of the trail of tears who said. Longtime we travel on way to new land people feel bad when they leave old nation women's cry and make sad Wales children and many men and all looked sad like when friends die but they say nothing and just put heads down and keep on go towards West many days passed and people die very much. We bury close bike trail. That last passage especially the part about win friends die brings us to tears and we just stand there looking off towards the Tennessee brokenhearted. Meanwhile. There are little kids literally walking over these words playing on them making noise having fun. We sorta hate them for a second. We ask a teacher WHO's with a group of fourth graders why she isn't talking to them about Cherokee, history and she says normally she would but it's the end of the school year and this trip is they're rewarded for being good. It sounds reasonable. I asked him. If she thinks these kids should share our sadness. Well I think it's a sad story. It's like. Me It's hurt like the Holocaust just you don't have to be Jewish to think that that's definitely a sad. Part of history and I think the trail of tears is. You know. America's version of genocide and. Really, it started right over there. You look like you're about to hit something. Still. I can't take my eyes off those children I envy them I. WanNa join them I'm an I. Max Person I had been to a Nymex theater just weeks before. I wanted to come on this trip to get a feel for this trail that made us. But standing here at Ross's landing, it hits me how crazy that is suddenly the only thing I get out of it is rage. Why should we keep going? No. I don't know why I don't know why we're here. I seriously don't like I. Know It's an interesting story and yes, we are always interested in our past but I don't eat sometimes I wonder what good comes to that I don't. I don't think it makes me like more contented person at all fact I think I feel really haunted by all of this and I feel very kind of way down by the pain and part of me thinks this whole thing is is a mistake. and. And maybe I, feel more knowing about it but I I mean it's not like this is a story where the more you know the better your fee you'll feel just the opposite the more I learned the worst I feel and the like more hatred I feel towards this country that I still love and therefore the more conflicted. And like just most like I just feel like all this anger it everything in their standing they said it's like stupid aquarium building like talking to Coast Guard guys they're like. Now. There's a collider. and. I mean I I don't know. Now. I. Just feel like, Whoa. I feel worse. I feel worse. There are only so many hours a human being can stomach unfocused dread I was tired and confused and depressed I needed the kind of respite that can only come from focused resentment in the trail of tears saga. If there's one person you're allowed to hate, it's Andrew Jackson the architect of the Indian removal policy. And since the trail of tears pass through Nashville Anyway, we stop at his plantation the hermitage. Sarah values sister into the enemy's bedroom. That's in a minute from Chicago public radio when our. Program continues. Support for this American life comes from Sitka salmon shares a community supported fishery delivering seasonal shares of traceable sushi grade wild Alaskan seafood as a member receive a share of their harvest fish and crustaceans responsibly caught by their collective of small boat fishermen. It's meticulously handled for fresh from the ocean flavor delivered free to your door, meet their fleet access recipes and. Jessica Salmon, shares DOT COM, use Code T. A. L. by September twentieth for a special discount. Support, for this American life comes from indeed the most visited job site in the world with seventy three percent of online eker's in the US visiting indeed each month indeed can help you find great candidates. So you can focus on hiring the right person indeed gives you full control and payment flexibility over your hiring. You only pay for what you need. You can pause your account at anytime and there are no long term contracts for a special offer visit indeed dot com slash American terms and conditions apply offer valid through September thirtieth. It's American Life America's Today a program about the past and what to make of the past we continue with the story of Sarah Vow and her sister amy who are retracing the path of the trail of tears they have just arrived if for the break at the home of the president responsible for the trail somebody they hate and attend to keep hating Andrew Jackson Who incidentally is when president trumps favorite presidents? President trump place Jackson's portrait in the Oval Office he spoke it Jackson's home to commemorate the Two hundred fiftieth anniversary of Jackson's birth. In that speech called Jackson is a people's president like himself out for the common man somebody who defied the political class of his day. It was during the revolution, the Jackson I confronted and defied an arrogant elite. Does that sound familiar to you. Wonder. Why they keep talking about trump and Jackson Jackson and trump. I know the feeling, Andrew. So Out earlier that today's program was first broadcast in nineteen ninety eight. In the year since Jeremy visited Jackson's home, they've updated the exhibits. The museum there includes exhibits on slaves and native American removals, Jackson enacted. There's an audio toward the focuses entirely on the slave people who've there. Again from our original story. Here CERVO. The House and museum or close to the public. When we arrived because of astonishing tornado damage part of me wanted to destroy Andrew Jackson everything he represented seeing all those hacked up trees made me feel like someone had beaten me to the punch. A? God look at it the whole the trees are down. The wrath of God. And side there's no display mentioning Indian removal because remarkably there is no display about Jackson's presidency caroline bracket showed us around the house, a call antebellum mansion that looks like a cross between Graceland and terra. Unfortunately from my spite spree I liked carol and bracket I felt bad for like she would point into the library and say Jackson subscribed to a lot of newspapers forest death and I'd say was one of them the Cherokee Phoenix she wasn't sure she wanted to show off the mansions painstaking restoration. All of the rams that have original wallpaper. All of the paper was conserved and had to be cleaned with a a racer, the size of a pencil or ice or. So that was quite an undertaking. Portrait of Jackson was finished nine days before his death I don't think he he shows. The wear and tear of his life in that portrait the one over the he looks like he's sticking his head at a car. Wasn't worrying about is here much better. Caroline guides has passed the flower garden planted by Jackson's wife Rachel, and into the family graveyard. There are a few piddly headstones and one Greco Roman monstrosity with an obelisk rising from the center. Which one of these graces jacks? Designed for Rachel. And left dream for himself. And these are other family members. I pull a book out of my backpack a book with the Subtitle Andrew, Jackson in the subjugation of the American. Indian. Caroline, and amy exchange a worried look. Well so I'm Stan I'm standing here on them. I'm standing here on Andrew. Jackson's great when they're part of me as a person of partly Cherokee descent that wouldn't mind dancing on it. You know. Like. There's a letter that Jackson. Jackson wrote in about the the the removal of the southeastern tribes and. This is his opinion on the on the southeastern tribes leaving their land. Doubtless. It will be painful to leave the graves of their fathers but what do they more than our ancestors did more than our children are doing to better their condition in an unknown land? Our forefathers left all. That was dear in earthly objects, our children by thousands yearly leave the land of their birth to seek new homes in distant regions, and then it ends Can it be cruel in the government win by events which it cannot control the Indian made discontent in his ancient home to purchase his lands, give him a new and extensive territory to pay the expense of his removal and support him a year in his new abode. How many thousands of our own people would gladly embrace the? Of removing to the West on such conditions. In there something. Or something nutty about old Hickory in this passage. You know just the fact that that that he just thinks. Multo. Compare. that. Of Indians from their land with the opportunity of his generation you know to just go out west. You think I mean, what do you make of that? Can you help me understand that mindset? Probably not I mean the interesting thing about that era was that. That they really felt that they were preserving This is how they justified in their own minds. was that they were actually preserved that this was inevitable. It was sort of the early thought of manifest destiny that it was inevitable that this would happen Interestingly to me is they never seem to think that we were going to settle the country all the way to the West all the way to California. So if they just kept moving everybody further away, that would suddenly get to a point where there wasn't gonNA be any settlement which of course didn't happen. We drive on into Kentucky towards Hopkinsville when the trail of tears pass through southern Kentucky in December eighteen, thirty, eight, a traveler from Maine happened upon a group of Cherokees. He wrote we found them in the forest by a roadside camped for the night under a severe fall of rain accompanied by heavy wind canvas for a shield against the clemency of the weather and the cold wet ground for resting place after the fatigue if the day they spent the night. Several were then quite ill and an aging man. We were then informed within the last struggles of death even aged females apparently ready to drop into the grave for traveling with heavy burdens attached to the back. On the sometimes frozen ground and the sometimes muddy streets with no covering for the feet except for what nature had given them. We learned from the inhabitants on the road where the Indians pass that they buried fourteen or fifteen at every stopping place. A. John his wife died in a place like this. In winter of pneumonia she had one blanket to protect herself from the weather and she gave it to a sick child during a sleet storm. There's more it gets worse. I always knew the Cherokee owned slaves that they own them in the east and that they own them in the West only in the course of this road trip. Did it occur to me that the slaves got to Indian territory in the same manner as their masters on the trail of tears? Can you imagine as being a slave wasn't bad enough to be a slave to a tortured Indian made to walk halfway across the continent? They three Hopkinsville. We stopped here because it was on the map but pulling into town, we saw signs for a trail of tears memorial park we didn't know about. Seem like a good idea to go there. were. Netflix bother you. Can. You. Tell me about what the origin of this places and why. Why there's a park here and It came about. Hopkinsville was a stop. Along the way on the trail of tears. And the Cherokee. Camped here they were here for a week or so. While they were here to of their chiefs died. And they're buried up on the hillside. She start here uh-huh and walk up to the grave area. There are three bronze plaques on one of the Post. The last one just before you know the gray area tells you about the two chiefs, White Path and fly Smith. The plaque near the grave says that White Path was one of the Cherokee who fought under Andrew. Jackson in eighteen fourteen at the battle of Horseshoe. Bend Jackson even gave White Path Watch for his bravery. In that battle Cherokee saved Jackson's life which hints at the level of Jackson's betrayal. The tribe had a Cherokee not saved his life then White Path and fly Smith not be buried here beneath our feet. The graves are up on a little hill. You can hear the highway down below, but still it serene. Up until this moment, all the grades along the trail had been metaphorical all through Tennessee amion I kept saying we're driving over graves driving over graves, but even then we just imagined them there under the black top off in the woods. But here, the skeleton suddenly had faces specific stories the graves were real. It. took the Cherokee about six months to walk to Oklahoma. We're doing it in five days. Every ten minutes we cover the same amount of ground they covered in day. We drive with the sun in our eyes on back roads through Kentucky, we duck into a remote section, downstate Illinois, Chicago, and fear to tread. A. Plaque Marxist spot where thousands of Cherokee camped unable to cross the Mississippi because of floating ice we cross it in under a minute. I know we're going fast, but it doesn't feel fast. We plod through most of Missouri stopping it yet another trail of tears state park. There's actually a name for what we're doing. It's called heritage tourism. which sounds so grand like it's going to be one freak in a piff any after another. But after a while we just read the signs without even getting out of the car at the end of every day, we fall into our motel beds wrecked. Day Four in the morning we plow through Arkansas, we get to Fayetteville in the afternoon we have lunch with two old roommates of mine, Brad and Lonnie who takes us to a little trail of tears marker next to a high school parking lot. That looks like On this site in the summer of eighteen, thirty, nine camped one thousand Cherokees men, women and children and route to their signs facing semi circular arrangement of Boulders. Anyone who's ever been to high school would recognize it immediately as the place students go to sneak cigarettes or get stoned. And once again, it's striking. Have the two American tendencies exists side by side to remember our past and to completely ignore it and have fun. Like it how we treat all our national holidays don't we mourn the dead on Memorial Day with volleyball and Sunscreen don't we the people commemorate the fourth of July by setting, meet and bottle rockets on fire which makes a lot of sense when you remember that a phrase is weird and whimsical as the pursuit of happiness sits right there in the second sentence of the founding document of the country. Burn. The most happiness I find on the trip is when we're in the car and I can glare the Chuck Berry taped by brought. We drive the trail where thousands died and I listened to the music and think what are we supposed to do with the grisly past? I feel a righteous anger and bitterness about every historical fact what the American nation did to the Cherokee. But at the same time I'm an entirely American creature. I'm in love with this song in the country that gave birth to it. had. To be. Back at all. Listening to back in the USA while driving the trail of tears I, turn it over and over in my head, it's a good country. It's a bad country good country bad country. And of course, it's both. Oklahoma native America. I don't remember the scientists say that you. Know. I think didn't they used to say Oklahoma's okay. It's about right to It's OK. Across, the state line were in the western Cherokee nation and the maddening thing. The heartbreaking cruel sad cold fact is that northeastern Oklahoma looks exactly like northwestern Georgia same old trees same old grassy farmland. The Cherokee walked all this way crossed rivers, suffered blizzards, buried their dead in all for what? The same old land they left. We breeze through Taloqan the Cherokee capital even though the trail of tears officially stopped there, our trail won't be over until we get to our hometown brags. It's about twenty minutes away and we plan on spending the evening with our aunts and uncles there. Funded. owns. I wanted to talk to my uncle Johnny, my mother's brother. Seventy four he's my oldest living relative I. Asked him about his great grandfather Peter Parson who came to Oklahoma on the trail of tears. Twelve year old. And he was he he grew up here from twelve years old and he was a stonemason. and. Some of his work is still around Taloqan. You're going up to the. To the village tomorrow you'll see to two big columns in he bit him. He built those he be. He helped build those two columns. She's built that right after they came up here. I didn't know that the columns he's talking about and there are actually three instead of two are the great symbols of the Cherokee nation in the West for years I've had an old photograph of them stuck on my refrigerator door. They're all. That's left of the remains of the Cherokee female seminary, the very first public school for Girls, west of the Mississippi which my great grandmother attended. Everything about the journey until now has been a little world historical hearing. Dr Ancestor helped build the columns. The first I felt an actual familial connection to the story. I asked Jonah about our family and the Cherokee presence in Oklahoma. I asked him a lot of off topic questions about his service in World War. Two. Mainly, because I was dying to I was never allowed to ask him about it when I was a kid. And then I asked him a mundane reporter Lee question about whether he thinks the state of Oklahoma has done a good job educating its students about American Indian history. He says, yes then jumps into a non sequitur about his own education that I haven't been able to stop thinking about cents hard. You wish that I could've. Maybe, went to school a lot more. I, know. Education. And that was one of my big. At But when I was growing up, took everybody to make to make a living. To work. Holy got a master degree in education I got to third grade. Kyoto that. Third. Grade. Third Grade. Duke. is about third or fourth grade we didn't get no education. So What you learn. You. Can't afford to forget you know. On this trip I've been so wrapped up in all the stories of all the deaths on the trail of tears sitting there listening to my ask what if I realized that there are lots of ways that lives are pummeled by history. If the trail of tears is a glacier that inched its way west. My uncle is one of the boulders deposited when it stopped, he had to work the farm and then came the dust bowl and then came the war. All these historical forces board down on him, but he did not break. Compared to him compared to the people we descend from I, am free of history. I'm so free of history I have to get in a car and drive seven states to find it. Good to to. To to know to know where you from say to no warring poor you beginning is. It really probably don't amount all that much. Only two one. Has. Nothing to do with you getting out here doing your, what are we gonNA do tomorrow or we to from now but at least if you WANNA look back. You can look back maybe on this trip and say, well was down in the area there you know and for some of my ancestors originated from you know. Day Five Shyla G. Here Ramona's saying. You remember this. Don't you? Mean, we came here once a year. THOSE COLLINS A lot smaller than I remember. Remember them just being these? Arrows into the sky. They can't be more than what twenty feet tall. Towers. Look. Now at this is the amphitheater entrance. Oh. Here's where you get your program. Appear. and. Intercept. Statue Sequoia. Over there where the Phoenix would rise again. Over there over there isn't that down there on the right? That's where Armor stanway would like he was always throwing a fit. there. Really. Unfortunately. Due to loss of funding the drama hair Jolla g be performed this summer. Amy and I sit in the chairs where we first learned about the trail of tears talk about our trip or experiences were different. She minored in native American Studies in College. She not only owns a copy of black elk speaks she could quote from it and for her the trip was about empathy you know I've been like pretty close tear sometimes just thinking about. The pain or whatever like what the kids must have been thinking like. When we were driving just kept imagine like you know the kids sing, where are we going? Where are we going he? No like what is happening? I guess I've been sort of thinking about what it really must been. Like. I've been thinking about those kids too but the person I identify with most in this history is John Ross, the principal chief during the trail of tears. Because, he was caught between the two nations. He believed in the possibilities of the American constitution enough to make sure the Cherokee had one two he believed in the liberties, the declaration of independence promises and the civil rights the constitution ensures and when the US betrayed, not only the Cherokee but its own creed I would guess that John Ross was not only angry not only outraged not only confused I would guess that John Ross was a little broken hearted. Because that's how I feel. I've been experiencing the trail of tears not as Cherokee but as an American. John Ridge one of the signers of the Treaty of Newest Shoda. Once prophesized Cherokee blood if not destroyed will wind its courses in beings of fair complexions who will read that their ancestors became civilized under the frowns of misfortunes and the causes of their enemies. He was talking about people like my sister and me. The story of the trail of tears like the story of America is as complicated as our Cherokee Swedish. Scottish. English French seminal. Family Tree. Just as our blood will never be pure, the trail of tears will never make sense. Zero she put a version of the story about the trail of tears in her book take the Cannoli stories from the new world. But in the years since she told the story on the radio, she has written a number of surprising funny books retelling some very grim American history. The wordy shipmates by PURITANS buckle. If he had had the Brooklyn Hawaii bunkered assassination vacation, do just Google and see what I'm talking about. On. As program is produced by Julie Snyder and Myself Nancy Updike v Spiegel senior editor for the show Paul Tough Jimmy Editors for today's show jacket. Marquee. Rocklin and concierge series. Al But up to now from Pat Hanover in Soviet Lima's additional help on this rerun by Emmanuel Berry nor guild Diane Wounded Matsumoto Stone Nelson in that tyranny. Especial. Thanks today to Ben. Lloyd Schweitzer Inbred Summerhill Pat and Jenny Powell and Sarah Sister Amy. Lucian Truscott the fourth who you heard the beginning of the show talking about Monticello is a columnist at Salon read about monuments to Jefferson for the New York Times, this American life is delivered to public radio stations by PR asks the Public Radio Exchange, our website, this American Life Dot Org we listen to any of are over seven hundred programs for absolutely free sport for this American life comes from Sitka Salmon. Chairs the community supported fishery delivering seasonal shares of traceable Sushi, grade, wild Alaskan seafood, and more about their small boat fleet find recipes an order at Sitka salmon shares, dot com slash tesol. Thanks? As. PROGRAMS CO-FOUNDER MISTERI amount here today is hearing our program from Chattanooga an ASS. Is it just me or is this show even better in the Chew Chew? Glass back next week with more stories of this American Lion. Next the podcast this American. Life. In a world where a virus spreads across the country and movie theaters are closed. One radio show decides to go where radio has never gone before. To the movies. There's really a style of narration I am not suited for. We're bringing you stories of films. I am confident you have not heard of gooding in nineteen sixty about pandemic. That is the exact opposite of the pandemic we're living through right now. Night. Next week on the podcast or your local public radio station.

Cherokee Jackson Jackson John Ross United States amy I. Georgia Thomas Jefferson Andrew Jackson Oklahoma Tennessee Washington Chicago Chew Chew Sitka Phoenix America Cherokee Phoenix Monticello President
139 - On Gingerbread Oreos, Orange and Black KitKats, and Jelly Twinkies

Food Scientists Podcast

49:00 min | 4 months ago

139 - On Gingerbread Oreos, Orange and Black KitKats, and Jelly Twinkies

"This is the food scientists podcast I'm your host. Amy. Day Jack. I am here with Danny Sussman. Amy Hey, Brian Hello Internet thanks you're picking the person who is taking a drink to go first amy I did that on purpose. TMC It were also here with Brian Pierce is now taking a drink. Tried to take on good too good to be in your ears right now. We will have news inexperienced. Then, we'll try the new. Revised Gingerbread Oreo may have a trio of get gaps and challenge in black and we have A. Mixed Berry twinkies. Also, GonNa have a shared experience with the new. Listener Stephen s about asa be doing that in our experience segment. Do do you are you excited about the mystery flavor amy? I'm intrigued that it's they're gonNA do a different flavor each year apparently I'm intrigued that it's cloudy. Cloudy But. It's not like mountain dew is ever clear. But it doesn't have it would be like It's not white. It just lacks color is colorless but cloudy. If my water looked like this I would not drink it but I seen me out of the Faucet. Yes. Very. Weird. Yeah Yeah I'm interested because last year. They had the flavor that I don't know what was it tasted like skittles by feel like they said wasn't skittles. No, it was refer minute I know what it is I just don't know it off you can find it like Arctic play air, Guitar, there you go. I heard that this year is is different but not that much. So last year's was supposed to be candy corn. Oh. Yeah and it was no, it was skittles last year didn't taste like candy corn I will say that certainly didn't taste like last week's candy. Corn. Will. Not much like last week scanning or. If you haven't. Listened to or watch last week's episode we did the Turkey Dinner Candy Corn that's weeks. Candy corn shouldn't have tasted like list if that's just not a good taste for most of them. You know what they got like the three dollars from. So congratulations brock's exactly. So on that note before we get into shared experience, we have some news we ever new segment. Who wants to go I? I have news from the breakfast Meat World I'm very confused about well. So? You're familiar with Johnson fill a town Wisconsin also a sausage maker based in Johnson Villa's Kansin yet the Jacksonville Brats, people, Yup Yup. So they have a new product coming out. That's called Jacksonville sausage strips where you're sausage comes in strips like Bacon and their marketing is never choose between Bacon and sausage again. Because, it gives you the and this is a. Quote. The it lets you enjoy satisfying sausage flavor in a strip. You can cook and use like Bacon. Bacon Grease. Like I, WanNa know how it tastes like. I don't know it looks it doesn't look like Bacon doesn't look like sausage I mean it sort of does it almost looks like strips of Bureau, me or euro meat or Giro meet depending on your level of this pronunciation. Instead of a patty or it's just it's a strip like rectangular thin yes and it's flexible so like they have A. Sausage wrapped. Sausage. Strip. Wrapped a Jalapenos with cheese and asparagus so you could wrap your things. It comes in four flavors maple flavored original spicy and theriault I think it's weird introducing floor flavors at the same time but one of them is original. I'm all for wrapping up your meat in whatever but like. Happier. Meat. Is this make it easier for sandwiches, but you can always put a sausage patty in the sandwich. Is this right. Like it's showing like I like deep fry things can I add the price sausage strips I like air frying things can I you know air fried sausage strips and they're like, yeah, you can do all of these things. Can I get the same Crispus Bacon? Yes. There are some very funny pro tips, but yeah, and they they actually referred to it as your new favorite meat strip. And I didn't know I hit. So it actually it it made me beg a question A one for each of you are you a bacon or a sausage or a both, both well, I mean both obviously but I mean Bacon for me as much higher up okay. I'm a little bit more of a sausage than a bacon but whatever now of the sausage I'm are you a? Link. Or Patty. Probably'll. Amy. What were you link and see I mean patties for sure but A good sausage Lincoln's. Wealth for. If. It was good. So. For Breakfast Sausage, I'm a patty who like other meals I'm link, but I was like. As a patty person, I feel like I should be the demographic for the Strip but I feel like if I'm going for the Strip I'm going for the Bacon but I don't know but I'm intrigued by so. That's the news for delicious flavors of Johnson Ville sausage strips coming soon in original maple, flavored spicy and Areso. So instead of a B. L. T., you could have an Excel T. would include a sandwich you could put. You'd have your ear you're slit your slt salt. but yeah, they actually have on their website the original slt. Which is The sausage lettuce, tomato, bread, and male. Great for breakfast lunch or dinner, and again, it's the original. which is weird but yeah. I can just sausage sausage. Right. and now you can have like them the Theresa Sausage Burger which. Is a burger with Theresa Sausage on it. But as bit strips of Bacon. Such, Yeah. Here's the thing. The great thing about Bacon is how crispy it gets and don't think sausage is going to do that. Like you'RE GONNA lose that texture. Yeah. So ooh. In the Chat Corey thump with. Bacon and sausage were math. Of Bacon I. But both I'm definitely curious as to whether or not people are into the idea of the sausage strips or the sausage flavored ban. I'm curious but if I never have it, I won't feel like I've missed something, right? Yeah I feel like I'm curious I would definitely want to talk about it more than I wanted. That idea for sure. What's my news? I have some news here this week from craft they are making I'm at seasonal some macaroni and cheese that is pumpkin spice labored it is going to be just your regular kraft macaroni cheese, but it's going to have hints of Cinnamon Nutmeg, all spice and ginger. unreason they show it in a cup and not a bull like like a cup like my best food up here not. Yeah like a beverage, you would get from McDonald's yet. UNCIVIL see I don't know about that. I do I love Pumpkin Spice I. Fully agree it's Overdone I think this has potential though. Don't. You don't. Another. Pumpkin spice. Here's my question. Brian. Would you rather have sausage flavored bacon or pumpkin spice flavored Mac and cheese? Pumpkin spice flavored Mac and cheese. Philip Amy's flavored Bacon please. And I will clarify that Corey intended to say that the the Sausage Bacon Mash up was mad not the the breakfast foods. So, I want to clear his name. His friends who listen call him and be like what is wrong with you Yet now Bethany just saying that the pumpkin spice Mac and cheese sounds gross. I still don't like it depends on how buttery it is I. Don't like a lot of butterball will go with the pumpkin spice. I ain't GonNa make a bold statement here. I would rather have sausage flavored Mac, and cheese and sausage. Sausage strips in the MAC and cheese. That would go out. Okay I have what I hope. It's slightly better news. is coming out with two new big cups. Big Cups filled with Pretzel will becoming out in November and then the much. Anticipated wondered about have you potato chip version will be coming out march. Much less week yet the pretzels are permanent addition to the line where the chips are limited edition. We said they coming out last week with the potato chip ones but I don't know that we had a firm time frame. Maybe we did. Yeah I think there's something on the the Pretzel ones are coming out in two shapes as well. Coming out his big cups and also a smaller shape as widely as minis and I remember last week I was suspicious of the potato chip news. And I'm even more suspicious of the potato chip news. Now because what we thought was confirmation was that reese's changed their twitter name too salty races and people thought Oh that Confirms Potato Chip story but I have a feeling that what happened is that reese is. Changed the salty build up for the practical announcement because this was a full roll out of the Pretzel. Peanut. Butter Cups with pictures of packaging and different sizes they had the whole makeup and then one sentence at the bottom of the press release about the pretzels that said potato chip will also be coming out for a very limited time in March and that's all it said my guess is that so many people picked up the potato chip story and ran with it as fact that they didn't want to step on it and say all of that excitement was for something that wasn't real I think that the potato chip. Instagram that they used salty. You know heard about salty guest at potato chip and the news got so big that they have to do it because they gave themselves six months to come up with it. Right? It's September. Now they said it'll come out in March for a very limited time when they even put that in Italics. So they're like six months to put out some of these to figure it out. But in the meantime, here's the real role at we wanted to do of Pretzel and try to like. Turn all the hey, it's not just potato chip story the turn the stories into. Hey, that was wrong. It's Pretzel instead to yes. Potato chip but also pretzels and pretzels like tomorrow. So? That's your conspiracy theory is not a conspiracy theory. It's a well reason fact we've been theory. Confident. Confident. I would bet a dollar that by the time March comes around nonetheless remember that they ever said they'd put out the potato chips and they don't see the light of day. Limited edition is three three packs in the customer in the company store. I have more news that. Includes races, but also a lot her she resists York, they're coming out with A. Desserts a screen type desserts. There's three kinds collider's. They're all called Collider's in their three kinds, twisted chapter and layered. So twisted has a creamy vanilla desert tapped with your favorite candy shopped is. Tapped with it's got all that with the added with chopped pieces of chocolate in layered. You'll have your flavors turned into a cool and creamy dessert and tap with a layer of smooth rich chocolate tapping, and they show examples here from York reece's. Hershey. Any it's just like ice cream mixed with candy, which we know can be good so i. In your freezer section I don't know. I. Don't know I. I. Feel like Reese's is well on their way to being too overwhelming. HORIO IS THE NEW HORIO IT Blended, in a blender in your good. I feel like we just don't have a term for when racist does the Horia thing if we did, I would slap that label on it. Resell out. I mean I think oriole works. OREO has been bad enough I think that can just carry over that actually works into my first experience if we want to. Yes musician into experiences gopher in. A few weeks ago in the news I talk about the the Pillsbury cookie, knows. That say eat or bake on them. So I bought the orioles one. Oh which is. Cookie dough made with oreo pieces. and. It says on the package makes twelve big cookies like the word big is in big letters. So you get a pack of hawks of cookie dough that have ground up oriented. And so I had them, I mean, tell you it took me to like the fourth or fifth one before I even bothered putting one in the toaster oven because advertises. And it's not like I love them. It was just like. Leaving the dull I have a good enough idea of what the cookie tasted like I was like. It's just delaying gratification. So I finally did Bake One and took a cookie that has like a sugar cookie with orioles ground up in it. That's kind of impressive because you usually say I don't like cookie don't walk cookie dough leave. You, I was curious about it but I think it's I've been trying to reflect on. This is actually like bought them like a week and a half ago and I've just been processing internally. Because I don't really like the cookie now right in my question is, can you bake it is leaving cookie dough if you can't make is yes you can make consider cookie dough. I might do I. Am I, eating them cookie because I enjoy cookie dough. But like I don't enjoy them as joe or as cookies really. But I'm like well at least I just get the evening over with faster as though. 'cause I, take it out and I'm like, Wow, I can wait ten minutes to eat this thing or just down the hatch now. Will the Okay. Sugar cookie like maybe slightly better as a cookie with like wait eight to ten minutes when I want a cookie now better. And those usually don't don't like stay fresh that long like they're like all this stale did bring me back to the good old days when I worked at a job and we had as Mike College students working for us and we had a toaster oven, the office and I brought out of like you know the office toaster oven is made for refrigerator cookie dough like just keep a package of refrigerant cookie Dow, and then use the office toaster oven, and now you have warm cookies at work and I did that and our. Student workers, interns, they liked it and it got the point where I realized that if you said. You know I could go for a cookie. The students would go and make cookies and serve them to everybody they. I'll cook some up they're looking for stuff to do. and. So basically, they would make cookies for us you know in the afternoon by. Everyone who wants to know they want to curry favor and you know get good references in good experience with friends in the office through the time of their short time with us. So you know read I ran on, get the Tuesay's they'd be like who wants cookies. Me and may were just take care of it. Right you bring the dough and they'll take care of the cookies. It brought me back to that. Says my experience. Yeah I mean I can relate because I. I have people in the mindset of if there's food, they have to bring me some or tell me about very least well-trained. Yeah. I had a little. I don't WANNA say dilemma, but I had an internal. Crisis. This kind of like my feelings about the cookies a kind of yeah that that is the segue there I wanted to go to dairy Queen I. Know I know that's not the crisis I know this but. No No yeah. I thought I'd go had been awhile like you know. So I really wanted to get e Pumpkin Pie Blizzard though and give myself the royal treatment. I didn't know what would be best. I just couldn't decide what would go with pumpkin because it's kind of a unique flavor. I. Didn't know of chocolate or Caramel might be it. I just couldn't land on what would. You know go well. So the Lila do I the idea I'm going to ask you know my facebook friends you know what what they have to say and Yes and like the biggest the most responses were caramel and marshmallow followed by I think three people said do whatever you want as long as it disguises that nasty pumpkin tastes new now and I said Coco do the hot fund for do that. Best. But Yeah a few people said that. But yeah, most people went with Caramel and marshmallow. Now I had kind of thought marshmallow in the back of my head and my friend joy commented marshmallow right away now joining were like cool. The only point of contention in our friendship is she offered me sailed once. That's that's like a red line. You know as soon as she did it, she realized she was like Oh. My Gosh I'm so sorry the. Chief Muster you know I I happened we will have mandates. Yea. No I. Offered Her food. So it was just the nature like Odi wants my said Oh. And like yeah, I. Mean my poker face you know was not no lady Gaga I am nine. When do like a need to the sensitive places? Yes Or? No no respect hers I was like you know what? Daddy go with marshmallow. I I believe that would be the correct answer for the the Pumpkin Pie people. Yeah and you know when you add marshmallow to a blizzard as Royal in the middle, it just changes that blizzard texture completely, it makes it all like haste. The marshmallow cream. Is the texture was so good though it was so good better than the plane Pumpkin Pie. Different Just as good at very least. Wasn't worth a dollar more. Yeah Yup. So that's substantially better. I mean especially for million dollar immediately get an hour out of Brian of thing. Yeah. You know I mean. I mean, I'm going to my restaurant build happy over one hundred dollars meet a tip that much you. I know I've believe me I've waited for you to leave in gone back enough times. But no that was that was so good Well worth it, marshmallow. Just, a surprisingly well and someone else common. I don't think this. was you danny but someone said you make yams with marshmallows So it's the same concept. You know Pumpkin Pie with marshmallows and yeah, that was a good thought. By so many people said Carmel and I didn't even in the chat here refer seen Carmel I didn't WanNa let those people down. So you know I got both. Oh. Yeah you do what size did you get the most on the same day? A consecutive. Okay. So you didn't do what I would have done, which is just get the minies of both. Yeah. Well, you know I want to do one yet many's come on. But. It's too many fitting dairy queen I feel like minis are allowed if you have to. A flight to is not flight my friend that's taxiing. That's I said, no, you're to fisting, but it's not flight three is a flight. Yeah. But no, I got one mini as heresy to is to fisting. It's acceptable three. Now we're onto something and one many shared by multiple people. I've witnessed that whom? I want dip are they in the chat I will know they're not in the chat they are ex co workers who begged me to take them dairy queen ex coworkers is the key. Thank you for doing the right thing Brian. Yeah. I owed him any but I eat at all it was not be. Post I've lost. Hope long ago. Could but yeah, these two people had the audacity to beg me to take my said okay let's go. They were so excited than they shared me. So how is the CARAMEL? Okay. Thank you for yeah I need to get off topic before my blood pressure got too high Good there when they put Herman the middle, they put a live Carmel and they're. Really good. However, the flavors didn't Mesh, well, they didn't make each other better they coexisted. They lived in harmony but they didn't make something greater. So it wasn't worth the extra dollar. Kinda wonder how peanut butter would be because again with EMC put marshmallows nuts on it. So I thought peanuts might be good butter. Yeah it it was worth trying once but you have to really like, Caramel, the Karma Pie feel like probably is the better Yup. Karma. I did have that thought and Yeah. Amy Really was curious about about peanut butter as well by Kinda thought the same thing the peanut butter would taste fine. It wouldn't make either one worse but it wouldn't make either one better. Yeah. Shelly go onto our shared experience. Yes. The new twenty, twenty, mountain dew. Voodoo. They're doing new flavor each year and we already talked about the little last year with apparently canned corn though none of us thought it tasted like that. You'll find out please. And question. Marks. It sure smells like skittles to me again this year we'll see. Oh. Yeah. That is definitely smells like skills. Oh. Yeah. That is a skittles. Smell that tastes like skittles to meet you. So maybe you last relate they did this we said the same thing we said this is skittles it was candy corn maybe just less re release it will saves candy. Kurtz. skittles this year but this isn't just scandals. It tastes like just a particular one like maybe strawberry. Orange maybe. Maybe. Orange. But it's not just a handful of skittles. Listener Stephen who asked us about these at this is where it came up with strawberry he thinks it's strawberry skills. I don't I don't think skills because I think if they paid the money to skills for the branding. They would've put on the package. What do you think it is the But. You. Sprees instead. I think it's definitely berry flavored. So. Danny, would you say it's a dolt? It's okay I don't hate it. But. You know what the problem with for me. Is that the mystery is killing me but it would be like if I gave you a skill, right? And I blindfolded you instead which flavor is this you would identified as a skill, but they all at some level none of them taste like any actual fruits. Right, I mean like you said to me. Oh. It's fruit flavored candy flavored I'd be like. Yeah. It has like that certain like weird office of skills. That's where it comes from is artificial. It's like artificial actively the Milan, you get that little bit of like. Saliva liquid. Sugar Rush. Right I mean. When I read the ingredients you know there's nothing that gives it away. WanNa get to the end and I'm just like. I don't even like the sounds of it. Like this has sucrose Acetate Eyeso-. Byu trait in it. I don't know what that is. But like I know enough of those word parts to be like, I think that's sugar and glue and gas and don't even know. Yeah nitroglycerine like I. Feel like it possibly could explode and. Carry. I mean to me that makes it closer to surge. Some. Yeah that that brings back memories. Definitely a mystery flavor I I will confirm that it is a mystery flavor. The at that will slow cap. I'm hoping that is revealed as you don't really quite know either. Bunch of all mountain dew flavor is. Mix. Them together. Just like when they said, liberty was like the one that was all the flavors. It's kind of like that like, yeah. We had it the try. This is pretty good and I can't what is this flavor and they're like We don't know but we can reproduce it in there like none. On to the better tasting hopefully gingerbread Orient. GINGERBREAD orioles different recipe than last year the smell like pumpkin spice. I'm can war. GINGERBREAD myself. The differences is listening to the cookie is supposed to be a gingerbread. Cookie. In definite looks like it in the cream has big sugar crystals and I was surprised to see that the sugar crystals are read. For Christmas. I don't know. It ought to Patty's of cream. Yeah. Because where I come from the sugars, not read our we sure someone didn't lead in these. This looks like a band aid when you rip it off. I have another unopened package back behind my home studio I have like a whole giant. Green, room to the places centered around the studio but then the rest of his the green room I do have another pack back there we can find now. These definitely tasted like gingerbread cookie. But the not quite it's strong pungent of the ginger molasses that. Cooking, there. There which definitely there you know what the crystals are on it for me they just may do that texture is off putting. I can't even. Figure out the the texture and the cream because the cookie itself. crunchy. Go. After. The Patty's Others I, just got some just a little extra crunch between my teeth but if I a whole like luther. The cream patty. I actually really like it together as a whole cookie versus what I did in won't copy on its own and then this I think when you have the cream of the cook, it makes it good. Is there in flavor in Crema or? Besides cream, I'm trying to figure that out if it's just. The cream itself is just cream. Basic cream like an ice meal cookie. Me I wish. If they're gonNA put the crispy the crystals in the cream they should make the popping crystals. Why why do we need crystals in our candy? That's not their popping crystals and you get a great little like hot rocks effect. released. For the holidays often but the ice in some. Sugar on it. That's probably why it's also record the red and green sugar. You put on decorated cookies in my house it was blue and white. I just. Kinda reminds me actually scary snack cakes. We had last week. A ginger cookie like a hard cookie. Cookie on his own Ryan we ought cream. Let me do that right now. I love. It tastes like gingerbread, but it is hard which I know sometimes gingerbread is made hardest if you're building a house of it. I feel like it's. About whether aren't different patterns on them. A Little Christmas Tree Six different patterns. On them. Bad News Santa. We. Have Orioles. For Santa. Was for you it has your name all over it. Let me tell you what I think about you bud. I do think these would be good dunked in milk but again, the crystals are going to like you take that everything's GonNa get soft except those crystals primarily been against the crystals but I like him. I do and I feel glad to. Say Santa Maria I. AM antichrist all right now. I will stand by that. Okay would you buy these Brian? Eat Them. Would you recommend to a friend for their holiday display? If they like gingerbread in general. Yes. But I people that don't like gingerbread. So then no. One would WANNA have it for their holiday party like as a sampling of different things like sure like that makes sense I wouldn't fault them for it but I'm not GonNa go out and buy these for any reason. I. Think I figured out. These are gingerbread cookies for people who don't like gingerbread cookies is they're? Mostly. Oreo was a little like a gingerbread. But they're not like a straight up punch you in the mouth gingerbread cookie. Earlier, they're not that strong gingerbread flavored. There's just. A bit of it. It's like a ginger that one instead of right here. So now, we'll move onto the orange and black. Are Different Kit cats. We have international kit cats. orange-flavored. And Special dark we'll talk about about about each of these in a bit. And the US orange colored if it. So. It's Brian. Aren't You think you're like an orange colored or an orange flavored cap more. You know it's going to depend on how strong that warns Labor is and how much. Pila taste like. Right. The run the orange colored are available the United States now If there L. Wean tickets out yet theory Halloween can the quarter broken? One of my they`re Interesting would say they are very orange number doing the US ones I. Sure. Now this is in theory the white chocolate colored orange. Yes. Nothing nothing special here. It's just you know the the white chocolate with orange coloring nothing new nothing exciting. Just a Horio it is very orange. Color I feel like you're remember when we had the The. White Chocolate Mousse cops it really highlighted the peanut butter. I feel like this highlights that the cookies inside of a kid cat aren't that great. This one is almost more savory. I'm surprised. That The cat a not just a black cat but a black cat and a Halloween costume. WAS Fine but I mean I've never going to choose this over a chocolate one, right? Should try the orange flavored one. Yes. Japan also ooh on them. Yes cat. Alarm clock. Now, this smells like it's going to taste a little Like eating the rind. Mine has a cat in a bath with an alarm clock. I have a cat just kicking it and relaxing taken that without the catnap I got a cat reading a book. Wow that's not that's most like Orange Sherbet. As an a strong orange that does not taste like. Cream orange. Oh, it's like a tar creams. ICAL. That's like a blood orange. But the blood coming out of my time orange it's like orange rind. Grows on me though. This is the whole orange. I don't know how to feel about this I don't love it. But I'm going to finish it. Yeah I mean the Japanese kick cats are always kind of different. I mean, that was almost savory rates like more sour is not nearly sweet. which brings us to the Black Rapper Kit Kat. Which? Act Chocolate, it's of it's cold. Otano. No AMAAFUZA. and. It actually translate to be translated to English its sweetness for adults. So this is an adult kit Kat because it's a very dark chocolate. That's less sweet. So this is the adults I mean that thing is almost black. Almost. Like some of the chocolate you get when you're tasting ports and dessert wines. Yes. So he's darker than dark shop that yeah. Good. Super dark chocolate. But I do like it. I'm GONNA try with the orange just. I'm just yet to save this thing. Yeah develops as. It must arrest on the palate to enjoy You can't eat like a child and trump the whole thing in your face. I mean court. It is I like this to like this Ryan. I'm not. Sure. This definitely appeals to my inner SNOB. Like. The first one I was like, oh, this tastes cheap. This one does not taste cheap I kinda like it with the orange. Elected on its own to. Feel like. I feel like it's a combination between something fancy. And something really old. Like stale. Old. Old timey that way. Yeah. Days. Oh yeah I'm thinking like. Back. In the day in when life was simple, we enjoyed the fine simple pleasures. The Butler would have come forth. With these kid cats on a silver platter you know what? I have an idea actually your meal. We have three of them. WHAT IF WE PLAY THE GAME FM? Skip that finally. No. Let's let's do that. Let's let's play. FROLIC with. Mary. Kill with the three cats yep. So we have the are we going to? Cover US autonomous or the black hog is Halloween is coming we've have. Black. Orange flavored in orange colored. Yep. That's what I'll go with. I'm ready. I'm ready for it. Yeah. You go through this. I'm GONNA marry the black, the dark chocolate. Cake. Not Because I'm really in love. But it is old and fancy, and that means probably rich and won't be around that long. Also. That brings back. It's like you're golden girl of kick-ass. The. Many white of kick cats. Interesting. Yeah. So Yeah I'M GONNA marry. that. One I think I'm GONNA have to frolic with the. Orange one, the porch flavored one. you. It was something. We're not my normal meal thing that my normal go to. There, there was something that felt kinda wrong. But there was something that kind of felt right to about. That I. Know That Feeling I. Know I know you do you. Feel so good. It can't be wrong. But if it's so bad than, why doesn't it feel better I don't know but. This it was interesting. It was one that I don't know if it would be you know more than a one night stand, but it won't be one that be like who'd lead that number and block. Right if it came back around, it's like. Couple years I was like, Hey Brian what I came across. Our inch flavored Kit Kat so Like well, it's been a while since I've had any kid cats. Certainly, not an orange flavored one. Yeah, and then I'm GONNA kill the Halloween Orange kid cats because it's white chocolate they can't compete with really anything. It's just a an inferior to cat. Anyone go. Yes. Give me a little bit boring because I have exactly the same thoughts as Brian, I a little bit different I Mike Commentary. I agree murder the Halloween. We have talked iheart all the time on the fact that hit cats in America are made by Hershey and the rest of the world it's Nestle and the her she is a lower quality than the Nestle nothing highlights that more than this kit Kat when you have the white chocolate of this. And you're like, oh. That's not really good white chocolate and it brings out the cookie and you're like. I did not realize that. The center of the of the Kit Kat, really wasn't that great. Like. It just made me sad because it made me think if even the kid cats I, like there was like something tricking me. Of like I don't think cancer goodness I. Think they are based on this one because I might like well, the cookie bells doctors the cookie didn't bail this out. You know. It's like what I was saying before the cookie is fine but needs the chocolate to make it better. It's like with the my blizzards I'm like they were fine separately you know together but they didn't work together I think that the chocolate and the cookie worked together in a kit. Kat To make it a better experience, right but. It's like not great cookie knock great chocolate but together, citizen, Candy Bar. But if you had a great cookie right and that's the Nestle one is a better cookie and a better chocolate near like a better experience. So. I would also frolic with the orange right like. I, I like orange juice but I find a lot I always hate the cream sickle things. This wasn't like the the badness of critical but it definitely had like. The rind like at Pithy nece that I. I. Don't love that flavor if you love that part of the Orange and people love that flavor like. I don't know this is another one I feel like it's an adult kit. Kat like. And you see like the European orange-flavored chocolates really hit that pickiness if you like that this is really good. I like that occasionally it ought to mix things up frolic with it. Amend. Autonomous I I. Really liked it. I felt fancy in my life. Really. I want. They laughed because they know that's true. So, this is. As a hundred dollar tab, he pays two dollars for his tip. That's how freaked. One hundred dollars. One hundred dollars to spend in a meal and got a Burger because I wanted to have forty, a seafood Platter Tower 'cause I. Wanted to see just how good a hamburger cheeseburger actually could be. For like forty dollars don't regret it find the episode in the archives So like this to me field like the most sophisticated of Kip cats. If you took a kit, Kat the next level. So as much as Halloween was like the worst that a kit Kat could be like from a pure chocolate experience I feel like this one this is the best a kid could be some lock in that down. Your Upping Yup, and we are all in agreement but I'll add my commentary to. Also measuring, measuring, marrying. Uncle? Amy Sometimes you. WanNa measure before he married out, I mean before you marry before you marry you should know what you're getting into. It's a subtle enrich goes well with fine wine and ports it it's just good. Player of it. It's sweetness for adults. New adulting in. I'm going to write that. We're all getting married like adults. That's the one I would frolic with the orange flavored woolen. It for two reasons. Number one you know on its own, it can be a little bitter or charged like we said the fifth of the orange in like. But it mixes well with the dark chocolate. So we can all have a little fun together. You're having your frolic into the what the Marriage Yiannis. I'm on. Janet. I'm stunned to hear that you would do something like that. And I'm still killing the orange colored one halloween one because it's just not that good. Mixing and mingling with my orange in dark chocolate. Well that brings us to the last thing that. I have no idea how this is going to go. We have the mixed Berry twinkies from hostess. There now out a friend of mine said, if you bring that box backups, so everyone can see it amy. So they felt like it looked like ground beef inside of the term Indo picture and it grows them out I think it will taste better than grounding. Pathan that. So this is our standard twinkie with a mixed berry cream inside extra shortcake. And you can see like mine, it definitely has the ground beef out the bottom. Yet It smells like that they very smell. Looks like a hat again there. It tastes like mixed berry. GotTa. Say. It's a fake mixed berry you get in some cereals. I was thinking like yogurt. Tastes like mixed women can't. Do I'm arm can actually compare this maybe. The mystery flavor is mixed berry. You get the do. Better when you eat with the twinkie cake as opposed to my first thing I did is I, just ate. The cream I think free the cream usually doesn't stand while also. No, but this is kind of like a tart cream to it in the sweetness of the cake helps. I mean, it's healthy. It's Berry. So now good you rather this one or just regular twinkie. Oh. Regular not making in yeah. Me Too. They did not make between he'd better by making it makes no I mean if you really love Fake Theory Candy Flavor and you want a twinkie by all means go for it, you'll love it but otherwise to stick to the classic if you like Like that pre mixed yogurt like the Weird Pink Mixed Berry Yogurt like the little. League classic container. But you like you can't eat yogurt. This isn't okay substitute. But that's a pretty narrow use case. An episode Mac and eat it for that reason. that. To me. Say would yeah. So. We've eaten all the things we're going to eat today we'll not today but to the podcast. Maybe. I. Mean. We're getting close to that time when Brian doesn't eat anymore. Oh No, no no like we pushed to the blast second. Are you still keeping with Brian. I try to. Will. note. have. To just do all the things that make us. Happy, right. I mean. I personally don't rely on other people to make me happy but if you can make me happy. Please do you like attention on that makes me happier. Sure Yeah Happiness comes from within pay attention to me by everyone. Thanks for listening.

Brian Pierce Crispus Bacon Philip Amy Danny Sussman Kat United States Patty WanNa orioles mountain dew reese amy I Theresa Sausage Mac Ryan Hershey
Jordana Mishory is Just Gonna Get Better at This

Comedic Pursuits

1:20:24 hr | 1 year ago

Jordana Mishory is Just Gonna Get Better at This

"Yeah. Another episode. I'm your host, south pain. Bring you another wildly exclusive interview. I got to sit down with someone who I've wanted to have on this show for a hot minute. We got her in. We made it happen. She's a teacher a coach. A friend a mentor to myself in particular, she's on the house team love onion. And she helps run Washington improv theater. I'm talking, of course, about Giordano, Missouri. That's right. We got her in. It's a killer episode. We talk about her past before improv, which I didn't know anything about we talk about her coming up in the scene all of the fun teams. She's been on we get into all that. I was first introduced to Gernon when I saw her perform with love onion over at Washington prov feeder and seeing her in a bunch of other productions as well as just coming in supporting other performers around town. She's truly someone with a big heart and a incredible passion for comedy. And it's it's just been great. I was able to sneak into a level five Herold class. Top by yourself and Virginia lions life changing. She just knows how to articulate in the right way and knows how to just get a lot of key elements to improv across to people. One of the best teachers I've ever had hands down. I was fortunate enough actually to take an advanced level five Herold with her right after which culminated in for me the best showcase I've ever done an performed in. If you stay tuned to the end of the last man, I'd say like the last twenty minutes, we get into some really good juicy nuggets of improv wisdom that are priceless. So hang tight for those sorry for the length of the episode a couple of things to plug. You can catch Giordano with. I wrote that on Sunday this upcoming Sunday at seven thirty pm at the DAC roadshow. You can also catch her next Saturday. They teen at the roadshow with back in the D M Virginia a show with Elaine Colwell, Margaret, Lii and. Visiting Virginia lion. Hey, look at that throwback to what I was just saying Virginia has since moved ID. So this is gonna be really exclusive show. You gotta see it's going to be killer. That's at seven thirty pm as well at the DC Saturday. The eighteenth also submit to the district improv festival submissions are open until June fourteenth. But the early submit the cheaper, it is, hey, you can also catch Giordano as part of the cast of the heist that is a improvised Bank, heist directed by Joe Randazzo. Justin, Hipps key. That's going to be part of the fringe festival this summer. Stay tuned in give you more details on that as we get closer to it actually have a kick ass interview. Joe to coming up where we talk more about how he came up with the concept woods about and all of that. Good stuff. Whoa. One more. Thing on the agenda. And then I'll shut up she has a workshop coming up on Tuesday may fourteenth deal or no deal. The secret to easier scenes struggling and scenes, you're are probably not working because you're working too hard. This workshop will help you. Discover the brilliant ideas already present in all of your scenes, and how to dig deeper into your character deals in order to successfully and more easily push your scenes forward. Holy shit. That's amazing. We actually get into a lot of what I covered probably will will be covered in the workshop towards the end this episode, but you can go and get the one on one experience with her. If you're in DC highly suggested, it's mega beneficial. Let's get into this totally RAD episode with Giordano, Missouri. I've always been a ham. Like, I remember like I did. I wanna see a theater kid theater. Can I mean like, I I love Stephanie Tanner from full house, okay and used to bag my parents to get an agent out in LA. I was like sex like taking me and get me an age. I could be a star. And they're like, no, no go to school. And if you're grown up you wanna do it do it? But like, no not gonna make you. We're not going to help you be child. Yet, you grow up suburb of Philadelphia. Okay. Called north Wales. Okay. And only child. No, I have a younger sister. Cheers. Okay. Okay. And when I was I did feeder, and I always played like the character roles, and I like middle school or high school not high school. We I went to like this. Join Norma's high school like a thousand kids per grade tried out for every play and it didn't make any of you Moya's. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. I'm not better. Did you still play in them though? Like, I didn't. I wasn't in them at all. Yeah. Not even course roles but middle school middle schools where I shined I loved middle school. But I was in this play in eighth grade. And I played this character called. Madam or lawf- name. She was in one scene in the second act as she was a psychic. And they like brought her in because house was being haunted and like she comes in. And she's wearing like crazy clothes and scarves everywhere. And at the last we had like a school some bleed, and they're trying to how to get me on stage until look for the school some move like what if you came down the aisle and like interact with with people and got on the stage. And I remember like coming down the aisle and like protect during practice and pretending. I couldn't get up on the stage trying to push myself up on it and failing and got this huge laugh, and so they wound up and this is like the week before we opened and they wound up re blocking the whole show. So instead of coming into the home through the door of the home. We broke the fourth wall for me to like enter through the audience, and I like hands my way all the way down like, I Florida with all my friends dads, Nana gross way. Like in a comedic way. And like try to hop on the stage and had to have the pit bands. Like actually actually helped me up and like the only moment of the whole show that broke the fourth wall. Well, live one we're going over great. Okay. That's cool. That's kind of like a like an improv position. And I like this is this is why like, and then when I went to college my freshman year, I wrote I scotch show northwestern, I remember coming home and telling my family, I was like I just made the sketch writing team. I I'm so excited. I was wanted to like right for us. And now, and I was just like I'm doing it. I remember my sister being like, wait. You're funny. You're not funny. I know like Kirk. Yeah. Her very harsh. Just like your like, you're not a funny person, you're serious person. Okay. So I kinda taken theater serious before them. Well, no, I think my sisters just wrong. Fair enough mistaken because like I was like a serious student. You went to school for journalism. I went to school for journalism in in like middle school and high school where you doing like creative writing or like rating like short stories plays. I know you have a show that you throw here. I'm jumping ahead. But I know you have this show that you throw here called I wrote that and you seem to always I think you're are you at every show are you like the aunt threat line through every show. So and it's always like a different cast. There's those sorry. There's there's some people who are in most shows like a pool of maybe like. Ten to twelve people who who are on the list, and it's on the shoulder. Only winds up being like four to six of us. But I I'm an all of them. Okay. I'm par. Why put it together to get back to your original question is I did do a lot of creative writing. And I have like this never ending pool of like can I curse on the? Oh, yeah. Like super shitty writing. Like really bad writing from the time. I was a kid like I wrote my first story dictates my father was before I was able to actually like write awhile. Awhile. Basically the point of the show. Nobody has seen or anybody's listening hasn't seen. It is each performer comes out with pieces that they wrote from on their younger, hopefully, like ones there may maybe like little cringe-worthy. They're funny in some context, and they get thrown a bag and someone from the audience than draws one of the pieces out person who wrote it reads it and then everyone else does a fun run of scenes after it. That's great. You've been doing it for a year two years a little bit more than a year. It's started during palooza. Yeah. Absolutely. Twenty seventeen is the first showy dead. Okay. So we've been performing maybe like once a month or so once a wet run we tend to to perform. That's awesome, very close been. It's been great. Yeah. I have a so many bad pieces and the one piece which is too long for this. But I feel like deserves a dramatic reading is. I wrote a play. The day. It was like the thanksgiving after Clinton got inaugurated, its this was ninety two. So I would have been are the after he got elected. So it was my new to I would have been nine or ten. Let's play about him getting it SAS Enator. About fascinated. On inauguration day. And then hire play is about the main character named attactive. Rachel trying to figure out who did it. And it just doesn't understand health. Police work works, and it doesn't understand how like those of like movies and shows. Yeah. Like the line of succession. There's like spoiler alert. They're ending has like the line of succession, which is just like a detective who solves crime does not get to be president does not how it works. That's that's the ending. She figures out figures out sorry spoilers. She figures out. I'll gore did it. And and they make our president like chew just moves into that post. And then she gets assassinated she's present for like a week. And I was very morbid slid for like air. It was incredibly morbid. So yes, I have this book is called the assassination of Mr. c. So my apartment awesome. As fantastic. It's too long for the show. But I think it just needs to get a run, right? Put it up. Like an I think we'll probably be about like nine minutes short. But it's terrible. I love it. Sorry. President clinton. He so in college you join how'd you find out about this sketch group just word of mouth or so I in like a weird twist of fate my sight teacher in high school wasn't able to make class Monday. Okay. For no weird reason. She just couldn't make classes a substitute and the substitute had a son on the son was that northwestern. Okay. And we'd like finish everything for the year's towards the very end. We had taken like AP exam, and there was like nothing for us to do. And so she brought in this video of NS TV does what it was called. Okay. And played at. Oh, I'm going to north western. And so when I got there, I looked it up. I also joined. I'm. Crazy and. Started. We had this activity fair. I joined. I think it was like fifty clubs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very on brand. I dropped out of most of them. But one of them ski excited new opportunities. One of them will sign apps like try out for the try out for it to be a writer, and we actually had part of the writing was which you like freeze tag, improv games. And I did some inferior. I like earn highschool feeder classes, and we did like freeze tag, improv games. Sure. It's like, I knew them. And then I remember seeing second city and being like, oh if you just like make choice. Yeah. I knew about it from high school, and then I signed up and tried out and made a good at my freshman year. What was the name of that group and cheese? Oh, okay. Northwestern student television. Okay. What is it for? Okay. And it was like writing sketch to throw onto the channel the channel or live performances. So it was filmed we had two shows a year. So we'd like right throughout the fall into the beginning of the winter and around to summer we'd start filming on we'd film throughout the winter. And then there'd be the big spring show, which was like an hour and a half a while. Yeah. Thank the DVD somewhere. None of my writing up picks say how writing was incorporated, and then nine none of acting a lot though on the show to know, not only writing. So it was divide into writers and actors. You. One person was both. I think he was the head writer, but he was also like a feeder major, and there was a few people who may be acted in a few. But like most of it were the actors. And yet, none of my writing got it. I I had a lot at one line. I was super proud of it. And I'm in the background of a few sketches like an extra. Okay. But this might shock you. I remember doing table reads for like we'd have big meetings. We present what we wrote to the actors and sometimes the writers would different parts, and I couldn't get through these scripts without breaking I would just giggle. Uncontrollably. And so they stopped even having you read this, and I didn't make it my sophomore year was this is like a sad hawk. In high school. I got cut from sketch sophomore year, I'm fine. Everything's fine. Just you're building all of these all these skills to one day Honan, right DC, so throughout college. Did you do any more like theater writing acting? So I was on a different Scottish group. My senior year. Okay. It's called the wa- MU show. Okay. And it's like this bake musical show. Like, a big musical revue. Cool an in-between the big music numbers raw student written. We're also sketches are all student Redden's got selected for this. Okay. None of my sketches got in the sugar. Yeah. But it was we went I remember sitting with one of the other writers, whose none of her sketches also got in the show. And just like this is great. But also like, ooh. Got. Yeah. The head writer of that who I wrote like some other comedy for our calls newspaper weekly magazine had a comedy page. So I wrote that might co writer for that was the head writer of this sketch group senior year gosh, and he just got nominated for Golden Globe. He's killing it. I'll watch got in. He was the person who created and is executive producer of kidding. Oh, yeah. Very show. Have you watched? It all I have not sorry tape whole, STAN, we're still Facebook friends because we are good saucer out college, and it's like really cool to see how like amazingly successful. He is and like hell talented. He was college writer like he was like my writing bud college. That's great. What we're where he writing in the in the paper. So we Hanuman type articles or. So we would take SOS page three of our magazine called n new. What have the top part of? It would have the space for a real article written in a funny fashion as we scour the news and find like actual things that happened insane. So you'll weekend update kind of kind of inspiration, but maybe a little longer than. Yeah. So it was like real real news. We would rewrite just throw jokes and nice. The only one I could remember this is also morbid was like in like this woman in Alaska got mailed. Her father's feet like the morgue messed up, and they mailed her and she opens packages like her dad's speed, which is horrible is horrible. And we're just like that's insane. And wrote like this whole piece about like like. Like if this is true. What else is true like jokes? I have them somewhere in my apartment. I have should find them. Shocked. She graduate from northwestern in journalism. Minor minored in psychology. Okay. And then from there you that move immediately to DC. No, I moved to Florida Florida. Okay. We're in Florida. I was in south Florida. I was working in Fort Lauderdale. Okay. Yeah. I it took me a while to get a job out of college. Like journalism started going downhill before a lot of like other industries, like the two thousand seven eight recession was kind of like a few years before that was preceded by like all that happening in the journalism industry. And so none of my friends could jobs off college. Like, I remember everyone who graduated the year before us. We're like picked up to New York Times, the Washington Post, and you know, San Jose Mercury news, and none of my friends, create jobs. And so I get this job in Florida, which I hate fitted. A hated it. I remember leaving my job interview and driving actually airport and crying because I knew they're going to offer me this job. And I knew I knew I had to take it as I moved on there. I covered the courts and the legal system. So Florida Supreme Court Florida legislature. Broward circuit court, which was famous because that's where the body fight over Anna, Nicole Smith. Body fights took place mostly covered as there for four and a half years while and then I came here. Holy cow there for that long longtime. Did you do anything with like improv comedy theater when you were there? I did not it was your creative output during that time anything. No, I worked a million. I worked like a million hours a week looks. Yeah. It was I hated it. And I think a lot of it was just like just so many hours of work and working for people who are just like bad, humans sucks. There are few areas. Where I remember writing an article there was like a lawsuit over thread counts where they filed a class action suit against bath. And beyond claiming that they were lying about their thread counts. I remember writing the lead the article like the first sentence of the article was something like consumers are are claiming. They're getting short cheated and they're not going to. At lying down. And I was like now. And that was. That sentence was my creative output for four and a half years. Oh, remember, my boss being like, okay. That's a little. Well, let it they let it. Oh. That's that's great. That's awesome. What inspires you? Or what motivates you moved to DC or so I always want to live here. Okay. I grew up Philadelphia's on super fire shirt and become here. A lot for field trips. I'd friends who lived here. They lived in Bethesda. I went to journalism camp with them in school, like cool cat. Existed in journalism camping's s and I want and they love him, but thous-, and I remember coming down and visiting them senior year and being like, the fessing the greatest place in the world. And I wrote like a college essay talking about homeless. I wanted to live with that stuff. W was like Where'd you either GW university of Maryland one of them asked like where do you see yourself in ten years, and I'm like living in Bethesda? Thousand. Like every like every normal twenty eight year old in America who who's making it. But that's sorry. Does. I loved it. And it just always wanted to live here. And like the one thing that I that. I hated about more th- western was I wasn't in DC. And I applied for jobs here for years. And finally, my my mom got sick. And I knew of this paper the paper where works before this. And I never super wanted to work there. And it just reached the point where I was like I can't job in DC everyone in DC in journalism is like to cover journalism DC you need to cover journals in DC, I'm like, well how. Like, I can't get the break into that. Sure. We'll give it to me and this place. I knew would. And so a resupply was like all right to just not be in Florida anymore. I wanna live closer to home. Sure. An applied for this job. And got it. Cool. Brought me to DC which is great. If it's here for almost eight years now. Eight years was Krino. That's mathematically wrong. Almost nine years almost nightmares. Wow. I did something very similar to what I did. When I started college. Which is I joined a million things like when I first moved here. I play social things I play on a softball team kickball team, which we named the Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Great. I was in like a Jewish dinner group of beer level club during like a million things. Yeah. And met this friend, Amy and Amy found out about what and just hung about this. And she she's about this guy. She liked and in the process of Tommy about this guy. She likes. She's like he does improv and I took this improv workshop, and I told him and he wasn't even excited about this. And I was like I'm gonna pause your story. We'll talk about those guy in a second what improv class, and this was about a year after my mom passed away. She passed away pretty shortly after I moved to DC and part of by doing all these things was just to like not be sad distract yourself like to just be busy. So what? So what I'm be sad. An Amy told me about cold wet improper all workshop, and I. Google that. And I was like we're taking this. Yeah. We signed up in fall of twenty eleven okay. And like immediately fell head over heels in love with it. And that sort of how I found it was very chance like off the cuff being like I took an improv shop, and he didn't even care. And I was like I care tell me. And then I literally have done it almost every week since then it's crazy. So do you know who was leading that first class, but he chance who is leading her workshop. Yeah. It's like a stretch. I think it might have been Bill DP arrow. Okay. I think I could be wrong. That's my guess. Okay. So you take you take this by yourself or you went with this Amy, so Amy I registered for level one which will stop by JC. Okay. Laura Westman was his TI because she was amazing and an Amy is she's very Taipei. Like, I am and we made our level on class or one. I at the time we made them practice almost every Saturday while instantly started a practice grow instantly, and silly we're like we're going to nail our student. Showcase an only one by level one. Took it and not only not only that. But like AJC coaching ear view self coaching just coaching taking whatever you learned in class that we can doing marshals. It. Yeah. Absolutely. How many people the whole class a whole class? That's not. I think that's crazy. I think JC must have said something the first class where he's like. And of course, you're welcome to pack on weekends. Okay. If you start with these sparked, I he did the I'm pretty sure that Zack in their practice group that eventually was coached by JC. I think they took classic JC too. So I think he might have just told people. Yeah. And I think it was in this is a long time ago. I I remember maybe teachers still say, I don't know. I'm not unconscious like I remember all of my teachers saying it like really, maybe the idea of like, you know, you can practice on weekends or maybe Amy, and I were crazy. Both are strong possibilities. But we this is why learned what doodle hole was. And this is why learned what like we'll docks were. Yes, we use them. Like find these thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We met, and then we took one B did the same thing. And then we who is one be with one B with Tom achilles. And Kevin got ta hope I pronounce that. Right. Okay. Gossard Gothia as people so Meghan Cummings husband. And Tom is New York and they were phenomenal. Like, I was for all my teachers were so-so guide. Awesome to so that level to character. I had with JC again. Nice. And then level three had with Mark shelf on. Mobile for herald was with Justin purpose. Okay. And yeah. And we I remember like in herald the way Justin taught herald was like very different than how I teach herald partially because of that we're like he we didn't actually really do a herald like end class, and we're doing all the bulling box. Never actually put it together to the very end. And we like my class would meet on weekends. And we were just we just run herald. We'd run the whole herald the first time I did heralds were like on our own. And we would go to my friend so fi. And I would go to herald mates, and we would have a Google doc spreadsheet we'd actually track the herald, and then type it to each other later on if we could actually like figure out how on as seen was connected with. Yeah. And like do like this intensive Google. I'm serious intensive Google doc deep dived into like what we just saw. And how do you how do they connect? And what are they playing with? And what are they pushing forward game? And how did they hide in it at how did it tie into group games while and like king be was a herald team at the time, and they were our favorites on my God. I've gone says many king be Harold shows as I could. I just have these extensive can be Google charts. Like how these heralds advance and Tom achilles was on can be. And I they were they were so good. Do you think that helped with like? Oh, yeah. Hearing out. Yeah. Just like writing down like oh paths and stuff like that. I think in general, I I think seeing show I think the best way to be a better improviser to see improv being done and not just wash it passively critically watch it if it's good show or a bad show. Why is it good? Like, what's working and not? And for anyone who's listening who has been my classes, probably heard me say this a million times. But like not like what not what the plot is like I don't care about the PLA what what improv skills are working like they are agreeing. They're mostly connecting. They are telling each other how they feel. They are. Sticking to their deal. Whatever that is. And if it's not working like why is this show not working, and that's super instructive as well. Like seeing terrible improv and actually figuring out like why is the show so painful? Super helpful. And I think that this was a manifestation of that same act of like just critically watching and probably being done. Yeah. That's awesome. So are when you're going through each of these levels, are you with the same group of people in each so one a one being too were mostly the same people? And there were people who are on my first in the team. And then everyone level three was over the summer and everyone wanted to take the summer off. And I was an addict like, I can't have you kidding me? And so I I signed up for March shelf our class, and it's sold out nearly instantaneously. I remember the only reason is able to actually sign up was it was a sign ups for the day of my uncle's funeral. So I was up exceptionally early to like sign up. Ars up exception early. Like, yeah, you are. Yeah. Yeah. 'cause I think sign ups for at like. Eight or nine AM something like that. And got an and met so many unbelievably amazing people in this class likeness. Dan, Milica was in this class, and as Ghabra was in this class, and they're not anymore. But like, so if I and Justin Schram, and I'm Lee Gorski, and and do Jackson this class and was just like this amazing class sauce. I love very much. I also made them practice on weekends. And formed my second team cake back all what was person detained. Yes backup. First team was called rule thirty four okay. Even heard of this one. No, it it started do performance or just practice. We've performed we performs in a few lit shows back before it was lead. And we performed we're in like a pass play show. Okay. And we did like a show with like. Teenage hand models over at our FD. This indicates long ago shows work we on for a year. Okay. And it broke up probably like less than a year after it started practicing most every other Sunday. Okay. And toward the end. Does I wrote had like different interests and things were coming up? Do you have a coach we did Tom and Kelly's okay, he was our one teacher. We loved him. We're. Oh, great question. We were at touchdown. Okay. Back when this was back when Harold mate touchdown. Is back when Harold is. Or at ten pm. So herald would go from ten to eleven and then the jam logo from eleven to the night on the lawn jam and then everyone would go verts touchdown until like two or three AM which is insane since Hannity, and I remember standing there with Dan Brown was also on the team and Arthur CHU, and the we're talking one of them was talking about rule thirty four which is like an internet role where like everything that exists in the world can be found on the internet porn porn version of it off. That's funny. So we took a we took game. They can't really tell people. So he took a vote and the voting was not it was not a great voting system where everyone had one vote and rule thirty four. I think got like three out of eight votes. I'm became the winner. Because the most. Okay. I wanted to be called backup cake those the name that I take. El-agha? We didn't perform a time sorta broke up and a lot of them aren't allowed them aren't even in DC anymore. Crazy. So you have second indie group cake by all kick, bagel coach and how the name Kumba. So we. We went. We're practice group initially, and like it was about half the members of my level three class mail Carol together. Okay. Most of us are Carol together and practice every weekend. And then after I did actually to herald ended we continue to like coach ourselves. And I was like me, and I'm like Gorski Safai ACI Milliken Justin tram, we brought intially Iraqi we also reached back back out to as Abell because she did not take care with us. You took a different health class. Okay. And we like slowly would her bag which was like so exciting when she finally said, yes. And we every time we performed we performed under a different name. So the first time we performed it was under. Remember, the first one was. And then the second tell me performed under sofa motion. And then it recess point where it's like, we should actually have a name. And so we had a very extensive Google doc with an intensive ranking system awhile. And we would have we packed us. On sundays. We practice every Sunday. And so we'd always had bagels. And that particular Sunday was also about birthday. Okay. We also had cake. Okay. So we're literally eating cake and bagels, and we called ourselves kickback inveigle. Okay. And that's the team that doesn't really exist anymore broke up. Last summer. I think okay. It was a while. That was when I definitely heard. Yeah. So we started playing together in twenty twelve in the summer in classes, and then we took on the name in April twenty thirteen and yeah, we were team that Paktis regularly until. Twenty seventeen our first coach was Jan Miller. Great Dan for about a year. And then Don, Murphy, human voice, and was just. So so good. That's awesome. That's a good coach. And yeah, we lost Dan and Justin left after. Dot a year. So Dan adjoined, I musical Justin just halack going on. We brought in Tim hunt and Stephen Carter. Nice. Former love onions. And then Stephen laughed, and we brought him Ritchie puppy L. And and then Ritchie and so moved which was terrible. And Tim the moved within the span of a few months. It was horrible and heartbreaking out think anyone should ever move. We brought in os OG and Ryan Berkshire hand rob Miller awhile. Well, but it was just hard like when we invited them. We knew so file as leaving public. Didn't know Tim Ritchie were. And so we brought them into this big seven percents team and within just a few months like decimated. So it was fun mall acid. If I did not last auditioning for herald and. Gee shift oughta Schenk couple times beyond herald one time look at ISO. I made the first time which was great and scary. And it was all I ever wanted was for sure. Knows great. I really loved my herald experience. What team did you put on slip? I suppose on was called people like us. Okay. Which was formed. It's funny because formed there's only one how to laugh 'cause love on or not eleven sorry. King be got elevates being a house team. Okay. And the other herald has gone baby gone, and they got they were no longer team few people joint the other herald teams or became the coach or Supsa why as a spirit bear was a herald team, and then they formed shoo Harold teams one of the manga being love onion. Okay. Me other one was people like us so people like, okay, cool. So you got in like ground level rate when I started. The name for that one. So Jamie, big ner was our coach. Okay. And she she sent out we were called team accent team lie when you join herald a lot of times, you'll get like placeholder name, a placeholder name and our placeholder. Name was team max. And Jamie sent out this wicket -pedia link. I was just like here's a great starting place because we needed to have a name we had one practice before. I show we needed a name for that first show. Until like, we she sent out the end like we had one we'd a meeting practice shop, and so not allowed time to like find it organically, and so she sent out this Kapiti link that was corrupted. I think she was trying to send out appealing to like the letter X I like inspiration. But the link didn't work you clicked on it. And brought you to like the generic pedia this link doesn't work page, and there's something on there that said, you know, we they're asking for money. Like, we survive based on like contributors contributors like you and people like us something like that. Okay. An a walkie who was on the team suggested it, and we wanted to be called wolverine got rejected because was around the time that will in the movie. Oh, yeah. Yes. What else in another podcast, actually? Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. And it got rejected. And so our second choice was people like us. And I remember like hating that name before got voted on like this is dumb people like us. And then I just loved it. I loved it so much who else was on that team. Oh, man or just convenient. I can tell you all of them. It was I love that team so much. So the original cast it was me and Caroline Chen evil Louis. So if I read mcilveen in Farley Michael bird, and Dan Hardcastle, it was the the nine of any walking the none of us were there original cast. And Eva, and Dan and bird all laughed, and they brought annually mala mood from Knox. She wasn't on knocks out. She was Knox. And even man and Richie peppy L. Okay. Great. How long were you that? We were team. We started in our first does in April of twenty thirteen and our last show was August twenty six of twenty fourteen. Okay. So you're in four months four months at which point was the team just retired. Or did you guys or somebody you guys getting transferred to other teams or retired? This was around the time that the rule got really enforce that you couldn't be on a house in the herald team at once we had a few people who are on house team. Okay. Like Abe and in the point Ronn season sex. Okay. And was Reeves on at that point. Maybe joined right after that. And so we we got retired a lot of folks sept- away from the program. I know like so Phya and Caroline were just I mean, it's a lot. So it's a lot of time. And at that time has also like pretty late on a Tuesday. And so I a few of stayed aunt's like Richie reason. I got moved to a brand new team and that team became fisticuffs. Okay. And you'll yon Stephen were moved to another team and that team became nightclub. You get on a fisticuffs. And the coach fiscus was Nick Grenell. Agreed all green how mega green now. Okay. And he was on season sex. Gotcha. For a long time. He lives in New York now. Gotcha. Okay. And then after fisticuffs to that team retire as well around for about eight months. Okay. So started in September of twenty fourteen and our last herald show was March or April twenty fifteen during around the time of fist. Okay. And then we got to spend it and we still played together. Oh, my gosh up until maybe a year and a half because I had heard of that name before but not necessarily as a herald team. So yeah, we continued as an indie team and a bunch of festivals weeded DCM several years. We went out to Chicago nice impossible for two or three years. I think three years we went out. To Chicago improv festival and. Ritchie happy. Oh, moved to New York. And then the year. So you moved to New York in twentieth sixteen and then we met him in Chicago for the festival show at the festival. Nice and twenty seventeen and I think that was our last show. We maybe had wanted to see I'm not summer, but I don't remember. Okay. Cool. And the did you get moved onto another team more moved onto thank you for sharing. And so I was on that team for one cycle. Okay. And then I I love to the program. Okay. Who is the coach of thank you for sharing. Brian jackson. Okay. Nice. So. Yeah. So it was a newer team as well. Yeah. It was brand new. Okay. Most of the folks were brand new to the program. And I was on it for about four months, and yeah, so why and I was at that point in the program for a while as the longest running member of it other than Stephen Carter who was on love onion. And my last show is a healthy member. It was like love and his show because they are being promoted to house to you. Okay. Okay. Cool. So then did you audition for love onion right away as a house how or they had dishes in December, and it sort of interesting and that so house emotions were became December. And it was not and season sex and king be were all shooting. Okay. And I I love love onion like I loved levian. All I I loved the herald I was on. But every time my herald team got broken up. All I wanted to do was move to love. I can't and it and it never happened. And I was pretty good friends with some people on it. And I remember talking to nor who was on love from the beginning. So Canova's also can Stephen Carter were original members as there before. And I said other than Stephen Carter was even an Kanar. Sorry. You move to Seattle on you're dead to me. Apparently, not really I love her. She's one of my closest friends. But so yet, so she was on it. And I remember talking to her, and I was just very informally. And I was like I don't know what to do. I want to be on a house team. The healthy. Mona beyond is lobbying. You guys aren't auditioning. Are you going to be all dishing soon because I would hate to try out for these teams with her great. But not my ideal team placed on police on it. And then like like, two months later love onion auditions. And I was just like I'm just trying to get a sense. I love I love this team. I wanna be a part of this team. And she's like, I don't know, stay tuned. And then a few weeks after everyone signed up for the shins. But before the auditions happened love onion learn that two of their members were leaving. And so they joined the house auditions, and I was so glad I decided to try out. I I don't know what would have happened. If I was like at me. And tried out a made LAN, which was oh, nice amazing. His I have a great audition. Or I with everybody. I I remember in my audition. I was with as a great group of people and one of the people in my audition group was rob Miller. Okay. Who I adore, and I was really nervous because I'm in this aisle dish in room. I'm dying on this team stakes are high six are high. The people who were on the judging panel are all my peers, essentially like I remember auditioning that morning, and then that night doing a show with two of that. Just like, they're judging me and just being really nervous. And we did this like super weird warm up that did not make anyone comfortable where you had you three or four lime scenes with people. Farting in the background like making fart noises and did not help settle the end. Okay. And I remember the first thing I did was with rob Miller. Okay. We we step up there. His initiation was something. The fact of like, I love you so much, and it was just the very joyous. Initiation from this very good friend of mine, and I just remember it like really helped Kami very in my head at first and I'm never at my head. I don't remember like getting to the sidelines, and I'm like shut up braid. I just sort of like settled into the audition. And I guess it went well is it worked out? But yeah, I remember being really nervous. And then ten is into finally like settling in a long myself to have a lot of fun. And I remember in my callback scene. They wanted me to play like a very stern and serious person. Okay. And just having fun with that. That's cool. Okay. So you make love onion love on who's coaching at that was able a block yokum great, and I came in. And I just remember we're doing formless form of the time. We did formless form for a while. And so you don't have a format figure it out. And yeah, there's a few different ways to attack it. So at that time this suggestion was really supposed to inform what the show was. So if the show was like if the suggestion was. I don't know onion to take a really on the no suggestion the format would be something. Like, you're peeling back seen after seeing after seeing after seeing the format resembles the word. Okay. And it is and you do all that without talking about it like you're just to get on the same page of media lay. And it was jump into it wasn't. It was the first time because I I've been on herald for about two and a half years of that point and with also teaching herald. So I was like okay on herald night and teaching herald another night, and was just obviously I had so much more to learn about the format, but the stuff we're doing on the team was because a lot of the folks while excellent were brand new to the program. So it wasn't. I wasn't feeling challenge. At that point. Which was why up to lie? Sure. And I remember walk in just being like, oh what? Well, and just like trying to get on that same page with these people who were to some of my favorite improvisers and the team that I just loved watching almost just so thrilled to be on. And I remember I'd like a three week. Trial period where like both sides were assessing that guy. And at the end of it. I got this tax message or the G chat from Zach chase who was on it. And he he totally did this whole like so you think you can dance fake out where he was just like, you know, it was great playing with you. But now, I have some really bad news and the bad news is you're stuck with us. If you wanted and it was just like making love on him was easily one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my entire life. It's awesome during this format, and and it had various Mackin nations throughout the time that we did it. Okay. Especially when we brought in. It was our coach until like, April or may give or take. Then we all dish into few coaches earn brought in Caroline Pettit. Who was amazing and under Caroline? We explore different ways of tacking, the formless warm in one of the things we did. For awhile was. We'd asked the audience for like. Description of like a childhood game. Okay. And then we would take their description of the game and apply it to the format. Okay. Which one it worked was great. It didn't always work. Yeah. It's intense. But yet, but it was it was cool. So that was one way they serve attacked from this form under Abe, though, it was just like whatever the after we sort of left that idea of like, the the GATT describes the format we played with this idea of like any formats on the tables, like one show did was monitoring cut in like typical love and fashion. It was a modest with like I was at a restaurant and Joe Dawson was a chef and then the four their members of the team plead my date date in quotation marks because they all made up face like Margaret was the mouth, and Tim Harkin was the no I'm like on a date with four other people pretending to be a face. Real grounded, but super fine. So like, it was sometimes we actually did a real format like a mono seen or one format. We did was essentially like an event or we kind of make up our own format. Like, I remember one show. It was that chooses last show, and it kind of turned into. Like, a this is your life show like in the first scene his character dies. Okay. And then throughout the show were like visiting I guess more like a wonderful life like we're visiting revisiting key moments of his life that he needs to fix a we ended with like that same vent to see if like he was able to come back to life, or if he was gonna you know, changes ways to change his ways like that though shows took on more. What happened at the top of the show? Like what happened on the first five to ten minutes, though? Then inform the rest of the set. Okay. So very cool. Yeah. And then. Should that format? The whole time care Caroline coaching. Mar who's who's next justly justly? So we got just Caroline laughed in summer summer twenty seventeen. We brought on folks and. And what with leam who is also just incredible. If you can train with justly. She is brilliant. Awesome and kind wonderful and nothing, but amazing things to say about her awesome. And we continue to form form for a bit. Okay. An around this time we brought in. Oh, no, just kidding. We already had Zack Virginia Darnell. So they're on the team for six months. We brought them just so we'd been doing promos for him for a while and few different ways. And Jess made the suggestion of what if we explore different formats, we always go back to formless form. But what if we tried if you different formats, and so we took a few votes, and we decide on this format that we made up called the blooming onion, and the way the blooming onion worked it started. As a palooza show where we went from group seen solo scene group seen Solis in groups solo scene until the entire team does solo in in the in the blues show. That was the goal. I don't think everyone wants. But that was legal. And when we modified out we tried that and our twenty five minutes stretch and found it a lot like just Salat super demanding. Yeah. So we sort of played with different ways of modifying it and the way we settled on was we start the group seeing we get a suggestion that suggestion form the first group seeing that first groups he would inform a solo scene, and then that group scene. It's low soon solo seen what inform a run of scenes an be informed. The Mattingly it could be informed by following these characters. So there's a lot of room to play with. And then we do another group seen and that second group c in would be informed by the suggestion again. Okay. So we had these different clumps. So then the second group scene informed the second solo scene, which informed the second run of scenes, okay? And then we do a third group scene at this point. We start trying to. Hi worlds, together kid, and at any point we could end on that third group seen or that third solo scene or that third run fun. Yeah. It was great. I yeah. I really loved it. And I think of my favorite parts is just watching like, my there's a lot of favorite parts, one of them is I think the thing that I love so much love onion is that. We have this ability like get on that same page, really fast. Like, we refer to it as radical agreement for sure. And so like, those croup scenes were still fun because we just get there. So quickly. So I loved that. And then the second thing I loved was just watching my incredibly, brilliant teammates and their solo scenes, my teammates, vessel brilliant. I just really loved watching it. It's great in you recently switched up here format again. So we switched time. So we did blooming onion we started. It. I think during fist last year. And we did it through the run last spring. Okay. And then we did it a little bit into the summer last summer. And then we switched tomato. See, okay. And we did monitor and the thing that was really great about what just during with us was that we would work on the format in practice for about three or four months before we Chuck it to the stage Sobe would be performing blooming onion, and we do maybe wanna practice, but we'd be drilling skills needed for mama seen. Okay. So check into the state or something we've pretty comfortable doing. That's great. Yeah. It was great. I loved monarchy, and we did it throughout the summer and the fall and then we brought on new members. And we switched to just like. Just like a montage essentially during the winter seasonal disorder run last month. And now we're switching formats again. So when we perform we performed a version of during the last two shows that atlas and our goals really nail it when we take it to when we take it to fest. Awesome. Go on the teams that was just like one of the best improv experiences of my life was playing with. Liz Sanders, and rob Miller Alec spirit on just Fairbank. See? Yeah. And it was just I it was just one of those things where I became a better improviser playing with them. It's awesome. I never played with any of them really before we did this together. It was maybe a palooza show or a random jam but like never on a team. And I just think the three of them were too. So are so incredible. Able and I just remember practices where we were. We would end every practice in tears crying 'cause we're laughing so hard. It's awesome. I just adore them. You guys won the improv for humans. We did on tests on your. Yeah. I think my favorite 'cause I don't like Matt Besser? So like you got to meet him. No. We only won the logo version of it. So we were that entered into the national media. Didn't we didn't win that? We just want the regional. Okay. And none of us. I don't like him. I don't I'll let them speak for themselves. But it was just funny because the only reason why I wanted to win the national version was just to play with these guys again, I, but I think the funniest part about it was when wet posted the audio of it when they want and they posted the audio of it and the audio had an image up and the image was like our team, obviously, rob wasn't at improper humans because he lives in Chicago at that point. And Dan Miller covered his face. The picture. We posted. Which just really makes me laugh. That's great. And who was just like all right? I got it. I brought you down. And he did he really really did. You started teaching which point through like, so I was. Really young when I started. She like improv young. I start seeing when I'd been doing improv for a year. I was seeing a level one b class when I was still in herald class awhile, and I start sharing March of twenty thirteen I had been doing on proper by year and a half then and felt very weird about this. And I remember that first class with co teaching with someone who'd been doing forever. And I remember like when I introduced myself, I said something to the fact of like I'd only been doing improv at wet for a year and a half. Which left open the door. I have been doing are somewhere else. For much longer. 'cause I just felt like what am I doing? Yeah. Yeah. I I'm like teaching anything to or had you aid other than hang I hadn't. I didn't taught. I worked at a camp forever. Yeah. And like sausage to that. Yeah. And like at the camp I worked at I one of the things I helped with like dance. Okay. Like tot court like me and the other dance instructors would choreograph dances. Teach it to like a bunch of eleven and twelve year old girls. But other than that. I think it was my first time like really teaching anything and even teaching coaching ever since still teaching very like the Torius teacher in the scene right now. It's pretty yes. In a good way. Okay. Good way. We'll thank you. You're in amazement teacher and. To continue to teach. I will continue awesome. I think that brings us up to date. You're still on love onion song van any other. Indeed teams that you currently perform on I wrote that. I'm on. I'm on the hypothesis officers, I as the only non science person science enthusiasts. I'm a science enthusiast. Everyone else's a brilliant brilliant current or former science to are like someone in the field of science the hypothesis is the only Indian I've ever been a part of I didn't start. Okay. So it was like such an honor to be invited on there. It's awesome. Even though I I asked. Shamelessly before they actually started Margaret lead, homey. They're starting a sign a promise base science team. And I'm like premises you ever need anybody. That's my jam. Incredibly shamelessly it was incredibly shameless. But it worked and then you do as well with with Isabelle. And which is fantastic immune her actually talks in depth on that on her episodes. So yeah, don't need to repeat it. Yeah. Just because we're strapped for Thailand. Fortunately, but. Yeah. That team is also great. And I always thoroughly enjoy that cool. Yeah. She's we we came up through classes together. I she's on cake by all is well. And I was really sad when she slept away just because like time commitments. Yeah. So it has been a joy to get to play with her again. And just she also makes me break. I break a lot. Good time. That's good. It's because I'm playing with incredibly talented people all the time really make me laugh awesome. Yeah. She's excellent. Joseph A Bank. See sometimes shows as you walk into scene have to object to object work. What is my go-to object? I it it's probably putting on makeup. Okay. Great. We're picking a book off the shelf. Okay. Nice. I like that one has said either those I don't think has ever been team name that you propose that never saw fillet today. Yes. It is called this. And I think it's a winner. Everything but the kitsch and sink of and sink is spelled like the band and sank. So it's everything, but that k I t c h was little asterik and think I think it's brilliant. I think it's the winter. So don't take it listeners one day. I'm going to be on to that. This actually, and you fishing it and them being like now here, I you I pitched in twenty six twenty sixteen and we won't with hot damn I trae seventeen and we went with banks twenty eighteen and we all boys and Girls Club and every year the responses. No, are you kidding me? And I put in an Email to this year's fifteen and one of my teammates goes is that a joke, and I said, no. Not a joke. I want to be on a team so badly will have it will happen and that she mo- went fest. There you go perfect. Do you have a favorite exercise you like to do in class? I do. So I for me. My big thing is like top of seen like I really think that most of the scene guests stablest within the first five seconds love it. So my favorite exercises are the ones that get at that. Because I think what happens a lot of times when folks are struggling with the scene is that they missed it. They made it shows and something happened namic happen to choice happened and set of acknowledging it and digging down into it for variety of reasons, they move past it, and so the scene is hard because the energy shifted or your loss. Because you don't know who you are. And so my favorite exercises really get at that. So one of them is playing music so have to people up and I'll put on songs for my fantastic platelets. Yeah. And I will have them sort of. Due object workin silence. Okay. And ideas, not to like, try and communicate with each other through like pantomime as much as it's like to live in this moment, silently and the music sort of serves as like a soundtrack. Gotcha. And at some point the music turns down and soon as the music goes off that improvisers are allowed to to start speaking. Okay. And what it gets that? As like when you're silent. Something guest created like, you know, one person's energy in another person's energy and the music create something and the goals when you switch to words to not fight at until. I was like why like what you're doing? Like if you're in the music, sadly, scrubbing Jess and giving your scene partner. Furtive look when the music starts are when the music stops inserts speaking, you know, you guys are probably in a relationship. You're probably. In love with this person. Or there's something there and you'll often see when the word start improvisers railing against whatever it was and the scene completely changing. Okay. And it's really hard. And so the goal is to go back and make make them understand like what they created and how to verbally do that. Because ninety percent of communication, isn't what you say. It's how you say at totally. So that's one of them. And I'd say the other one guests at that same idea where I'll have improvisers do a scene for a minute. And then I'll stop it. And then we'll talk about what was the first choice each of the made. Okay. And then go back and make them do another scene for a minute. What the primaries of like, whatever that first choices like in this first choice, you were angry at your anger at yourself and your partner was comforting. You like all you have to be angry at yourself and all your scene partner has to comfort you and the goal is helping. Folks, understand that that they're doing it. They're making those choices on the first three to five seconds and all they have to make seen easier because so much of my improv philosophy is like, I just wanna make your scenes easier and more successful. Is you just have to do more of what you're doing Jerry did something? Yeah. Security already did something do more of it. Don't change. It. Don't fight. It. Leeann to it totally what has been a really big aha moment for you within improv. So I I think the first one that comes to mind is producing improv for about two years or so and I was on a herald team, and I was just feeling like stock, and I think it happens to a lot of people at that point. Because when you're first learning improv like every single week. It's like, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. On your on this like intense upward trajectory, and then you know, a fair amount of things. So each thing, you learn is an like, it's not as a steep of a climb, and you start to feel like you plateau, and then you got frustrated. I was in this moment. I know. It's just like, I don't know how to get better at this. And I was at a Chinese money workshop shot out to Pete for bringing so many amazing people to DC, and it was with Arba Kiedis. And I went up to him during the break. And basically, it's just like, I'm stuck. Yeah. What I'm experienced? I'm experiencing. I don't I don't know how to get better. And I feel like I'm doing the same characters weekend and week out. I'm not improving and his advice was mirror your scene partner. And they deal was basically like they are doing someone who isn't you? They're doing someone who you wouldn't do just be closer to them. Yes. In a lot of ways just be a paean pod with them. And I started doing it. And it was just like, oh, well, oh another thing that schools like I really love positive scene work. And what was great about? It was when you're really agreeing with someone you're not fighting with them. So that was really nice to allow positive scenes. And you hold your body differently. And you change how your voice speaks. It's only all these character options that you were not doing suddenly become open to you. And it was just it was got me out of my rut. So Sophie fast. That's awesome. So I think that was ending that was the biggest Hamam and as an improviser. My biggest aha moment of teacher would probably be when I was taking a workshop with dummy. So as Joyal and Jason shots, and they basically talked about their improv philosophy about making like every note is designed to make scenes easier and more successful. And I just full on stole that just like that makes so much. And the other thing they talked about was how the recipient of information really defines whether or not the audience cares about it. Okay. I'm so many things if you ever have a chance to take workshop with Jason Colleen I highly recommend it. But yeah. But I think that was just like, oh that is such a brilliant way to explain it because you don't want students like feel poorly about side coaching, and in my mind like it when I heard that. I was like, of course, of course, they're here to help me succeed. And I'm here to help other succeed. So yeah, just full on outright in comedy. What is been your biggest failure in? How did you overcome? It. I have not been super successful in onto Schmelling. I've auditioned for tons and tons and tons of things and the only things I've ever made I made herald and I made love on an which not like not too shabby. I am very fortunate Scher, but I've not had a great addition track record dating alway back to I alderman for like an Indy team when I was like a level student and each time, you don't make something obviously doesn't feel good at sure fielders that and in my mind, especially that I auction, right? Didn't make it on. I was like pretty young and improv is and I just remember saying back and being like, I'm gonna show that like he's very lovely people who I'm now. Good friends with right? I'm gonna show them using his fuel. And I just looked down. I just redoubled my efforts. I was just like I'm gonna I'm gonna get really good at this and started taking every workshop I could get my hands on and every every audition, why don't make it like you feel bad. And then you're like are eight I'm I'm gonna show them. When pretty cool is like that in DC might make a few years later. I went on to like plan with them. And then like coach them in a few one off passions. Yeah. And like hell cat. I tried out Tober issue twice and didn't make it. And now, I'm coaching them. I know even touch on that, which is amazing. Yeah. I is crushing it very they are wonderful, and I love working with them. But it's just one of those things where it's like. All right. Well, I'm I'm just going to get better at this. Like if you don't want me fine. And and Joel live to regret it. That's that's that's too. It's not that much. That makes me I'm crying. I don't have that can't know. No. But, but that's how that's how you take it and you deal with it. And then you then you counter it, and yeah, it's yeah. I think that's great. And it makes you really resilient. And then also like you're still out here additioning for these projects, and creating a lot of projects to seems like teams throughout all that stuff. So. Definitely something I've gone through and struggle that on a certain scale as well. And I saw I think it's one of those things where like nobody makes every audition like you try out for things, and you don't make it and and it never feels good. But in my mind, it's like all right. Well. I'll show you again non-threatening Louis, but just like redoubling efforts of just being like, I'm going to work harder at this. Like, I wanna I I said the very modest goal of being the best improviser in the world which I have nowhere near. It's just one of those things where it's just like all right is just another thing to motivate me to keep taking workshops and keep, you know, checking in with myself, and and every show I watch I watch for what is working what improv skills are they using? And how do I apply that to myself, and what is not working, and how do I make sure to do other things than scenes, and I watched videos of myself, and I'm like, what is working in my improv work in my improv. So. Yeah. Trying to constantly better yourself xactly. I will say on behalf of a probably all of your students and people in the community that you're a fantastic and whole areas performer and have been a. Guiding light for me and many other people in this scene. So now, you're out. I'm out. Oh, no. So thank you. You're very much appreciated. It's going to be very sad for me to leave and not be able to be around you gain wisdom from you or perform with you take what you're being on the show old it off we pulled it and people can find you on social media, Instagram. So I'm not really on Instagram, and I'm not really on Twitter. So followed me sorry. I don't post anything. I am on Facebook. Okay. Perfect. But yeah, I have a lot of Instagram followers. No. I have ever get notification. As just like, I sorry, I don't post on here, but I should start because the world is a lot and is full of beautiful photos. All those mazing teams. I've already mentioned, and you're also what is your facial title here that we didn't even touch on that you work at wit. I'm the operations manager rations manager. How long have you been Parisiens manager a little bit more than a year and a half? I started end of. May of twenty seventeen. It's so great. That's awesome. So we reschedule for another hour. I know we can talk about that. That'll be the partout out soon. Thank you so much. And thank you guys for tuning in.

DC Justin Schram rob Miller Google Florida Stephen Carter writer Chicago Virginia Dan Giordano Tom achilles Amy I Tim Ritchie Philadelphia New York Harold Caroline DC
Mastering Change with Author Bruce Feiler

Hello Monday by LinkedIn

25:45 min | 7 months ago

Mastering Change with Author Bruce Feiler

"As the world has changed dramatically in recent weeks, our jobs have changed to. If you're looking to explore the science of making sense of work in these trying times, you should check out work life without him. Grant a podcast from Ted this season. You'll learn how small wins can help you fight burnout how you don't have to fight loneliness at work alone and what veteran remote. Worker Aka retired astronaut. Scott. Kelly does to build mental resilience. Listen to work life without him. Grant wherever you get your podcasts. I always do. From the news team Ellington. I'm Jessi hempel and this is hello. Monday our show about the changing nature of work and how that work is changing. Life can feel like a game of chutes and ladders. You're going along toward a goal and something Rahab, final ladder or something unexpected happens in your down the chute. The setbacks. They can really derail you. You get a divorce. You lose your job. There's a global pandemic that disrupts just everything about the way that you know how to live your life. And when this happens, you can feel pretty loss for a long time. But the process of getting through it. It's what forms our character. What makes us stronger? You could argue it's what gives our life meaning. Today's guest is Bruce Feiler. Beside period in his own life about a decade ago, it was awful. He'll tell you about it. But as awful as it felt in the moment, it also shaped him taught him a lot about how to live, and once he'd made it through. He sat out to figure out a formula for navigating these transitional moments. We all face. Here's Bruce. I had when I now think of for the first half of my adult life, a linear life. Okay, I grew up in south Georgia I went to the northeast for college I moved to Japan. And I discovered early in my life what I wanted to do I, did it for no money for a long time. Then I had some success, and then in my forties. I had back to back to back set of disruptive life. Experiences shoots in your analogy I as you know a dozen years ago I was diagnosed with a rare aggressive form of bone cancer in my left leg. I was a new father. This was a crisis by any measure. That was the same year as the great recession and my family. The family up in is in the real estate business. We were hit very hard. And then my father, who, at the time was about ten years into fighting Parkinson's got very depressed. Parkinson's disease of the dopamine it affects your movement, but we now know your mood and he tried to kill himself six times in twelve weeks. Any of those crises would be a significant live turning event. And put all three of them into the same year Bruce I. Mean it just seems to me like there's this one to life, which is that it's just not fair and don't space themselves out gently over the course of our lives button back. They often bundle and do said disproportionately on some people shoulders. What was that period like for you? At that point I was overwhelmed I was scared. I was angry. I was confused. I was stuck, but it also was a familiar period, and for me my whole life. The crisis is an excuse to tell a story right to go back and think about your story, and that being kind of a narrative guy being a meaning guy. That's what I did, and so on Monday morning with my dad. I decided to an whim to email him a question about his life. Tell me about the toys you played with as a kid. My, father you have to understand couldn't even with his fingers. At this time he thought about his answer. He dictated it to Siri who then spit out an answer, and it was like a pager to, and it was like Gosh. This is working. This is the first thing they were I'll send him another. And then another and another, and this went on for five years every Monday morning a question. Tell me about the House that you grew up at. How'd you become an Eagle Scout? How'd you join the navy? How'd you meet MOM? And basically this mannered, never been anything longer than a memo backed into writing an autobiography, and it was the most powerful transformation any of us had seen. And what it did for me, was it kind of plunged into this world of narrative psychology right and it turns out that there's all this research about how story in times of crisis can help us rethink and rewrite who we are narrative, Gerontology Narrative, adolescence, narrative career, and so I got very interested in how our minds deal with kind of plot, disruption tried or breaches, or and that is what a story is in a fundamental way and when I started telling. Telling this story to everyone that I knew everybody had their own story like their own shoot, they had just gone down. My wife went in the hospital and died the next day. My daughter tried to kill herself. My boss is a crook. I'm being sued from our practice. Whatever I heard story after story, and then basically I said to my wife Linda one day like no one has had other anymore, and I gotta figure out what I can do to help. And that's what set me on this journey of crossing the country, all fifty states, gathering hundreds of life stories and trying to figure out. Are there patterns that can have all of us when we go through a crisis? Breath I just stop and punctuate. That's idea of the importance of the story. And how significant the way that we tell the stories of our lives. Is Tara identity to to what we believe about who we are and that really underpins? You're your whole philosophy. As you take this on right, we'll stop for a second and listen to that story going on in your head. Right at the story about where you came from where you're going to like what's important to you. What is of value to you that store? What do you think about when the phone rings at an unusual time of day? Right or you rush the hospital like that story? And what we now know, is that story. That story of Your Life. It is not part of you like it. Is you in a fundamental? Like. This life is the story that you tell yourself. And, that's been kinda building for a time, but what? We don't talk about what happens when the story goes wrong like then, how do you get it back? How do you get it back on track? That turned out to be. Let's just be clear about this like that's not what I set out to do I said to talk to people about their life stories. Stories high points low points, turning points, and what I quickly realized that everybody goes through these breaches. These shootings you know I call them in my book life quakes, and what happens when we go through life quake, fundamentally the act of getting unstuck of getting back on track of going through the transitions of our lives. That's fundamentally what it means to be alive. This idea of a life quake It really resonates because it seems like. These events more often. Their their challenges we'd. Lose a child God, forbid we have a divorce? We lose a job. And of course, many of our listeners have undergone a lot of these types of challenges at the same time as collectively. We've all had to learn how to navigate life under quarantine. What can you share with us about how we come through these with the least amount of pain possible because pain is so uncomfortable. But maybe the pain is useful. How do we come through these gracefully, I'll start at the end and I go back to the beginning. Transitions are essential to life. We think of these periods as painful, uncomfortable unpleasant as periods. We have to kind of Grit. Away through, but in fact, the greatest periods of growth are in these periods of dislocation and disconnection and reinvention. That's the end. These are essential. To being alive, and they work in a fundamental way. But to go back in the story that we've been talking about so what I did was I crossed the country and I gathered all these stories thousand hours of interviews I. Think got a team of twelve people. We analyzed and decoded them for a year. And, the big headline that emerged from this is the linear life. The life that I had been living the life that we all expect that that is dead. The idea that we're going to have one job one relationship one home, one sexuality when spirituality one source of happiness debt. It has been replaced by what I'm calling in this book. The non linear life. And, the non linear life involves many more of these transitions. My data show that we go through. Three dozen around disrupters in our lives. It could be something like an accident. It could be an injury. It could be a job change job elevation. It could be getting married having a child having a child leave most of those we get through relatively quickly, we we. We have a little uncomfortable illness. We rally friends. Rally around us. We and we keep moving forward, but one of those three to five times in our lifetime becomes a huge massive disorienting event and the average time. Time it takes us to get through this five years. Okay, and most of us get through them, but they are these long processes, and that leads to life transition to this is an ideal transition that is out of academic favor. It's not something that we talk about a lot. And yet it is precisely the human mechanism for getting unstuck. Let out of academic favor. The idea of transitions was invented if you will about one hundred years ago at the origin of Western psychology on. German academic name Arnold van gap who invented the idea of of of rites of passage, named rites of passage, he first identified these as important life events, and said there are three stages to them, and ninety has more or less held for one hundred years. It was kind of revitalized in the sixties more or less fifty years after he'd been invented was extremely popular in the seventies. Gal. She has. You know published this book. Book passages, which said we all everyone does the same thing in their twenty s same thing in their thirties. Everyone has the idea of a midlife crisis. There was a big period of change in the seventies. As divorce became more popular, women entered the workplace. It was a whole series of change in people talked about this a lot, and then it went underground more or less for the last fifty years and I think that. It's coming back because the pace of change is quickening, and I think one undeniable consequence of the pandemic is that it's going to quick even more every conversation that I have at least about M. I in the right job do I. Want to move and the right relationship is what I'm doing meaningful enough. Am I giving back enough I, think that people are sort of reevaluating what gives them identity and so I think. Think that we are heading into a period where transitions are going to become more urgent and the skills to navigate them are going to become like the dominant human scale of the moment. Obvious, it seems like there are transitions like the ones you just mentioned which might feel immediate unnecessary, but you have agency in the Maybe you decide to choose a new job. You decide to be your marriage and then there. There are a whole set of transitions that you yourself to have no agency in like your early cancer diagnosis. When you had adorable toddler, twin girls at home is the way that we approach these different depending on whether we feel like we have agency. The short answer surprised me and it was now we coded for this question. Voluntary versus involuntary fifty three percent of life quakes that we experience are involuntary. You Get A. A cancer diagnosis you were fired of your spouse cheats on you. Forty seven percent were voluntary. You Cheat on your spouse. You choose to change religions. You decide to start a business or or step away to spend more time with your family whatever it might be. I'm a kind of telling boomer and I had these millennials working for me and when that data point came out, it was fascinating because my reaction was. was while forty seven percent of these are. Changes that we choose and the millennials. Romney were whoa fifty three percent or things that we don't control So that was kind of. Interesting and actually by the way kind of a sub, interesting dimension to all this is that these ideas that non linear already involves more life transitions that idea xers get it inherently and intuitively. More naturally than boomers do and millennials, even more than xers do right millennials fundamentally understand they're going to go through twelve point. Seven jobs and have eleven point four moves and reinvent themselves three times. The average fifteen year old today is going to have a job. That hasn't even been invented yet. So young people understand that the pace of change is quitting, but to your question. I would say the biggest single change that I went through in this process that I would have expected. If you go back to my definitional moment, right I got cancer got economic problems. I'm going to go bankrupt. Crying I have a family crisis I would have thought that the toolkit for navigating cancer and financial worries and a psychological crisis in my family would have been different. I was wrong that the tools are fundamentally similar. And that became my obsession. How can identify what these tools are? How can I understand them in a clear way so that to kind of heart of what we're really talking about here? How can I help? People go through them more effectively. And so, what did you learn about that? The first thing that I learned is that when we go through them, we feel. We're alone. No one has gone through this. And I'm never going to get to the other side. When you sit hour after hour day after day month after month, as I did and talk to people about them, very clear patterns emerge. My wife likes to joke that I have hard knowledge about soft things, so the first thing I want to say that there is a very clear structure to them that there are three stages to life transition. The first stage is what I call the long goodbye. That's in which you have to confront the emotions that you're going through. And in some ways you have to ritualized change. Come say goodbye may even go so far as to mourn. Gather mementos from the life that you're leaving behind. The next stage is what I call the messy middle. And in that stage, you are shutting certain habits. They may be money. They may be status. They may be wait they me. People plays. They may be rituals that you're maybe you're. Transitioning religions and you have to leave certain customs behind, but you have to shed certain habits. But, then what happens, is this astonishing period of creativity where you try out new habits? Would we see what wasn't the first thing that we saw during the pandemic was baking. That didn't shock me. In the least people work with their hands. They turned to creativity. And then the last phase is the new beginning where you begin to again marker ritual that you're coming out of it. You begin to share it, so here's the thing. There are these three phases that we've been talking about longer by. The messy metal, the new beginning has kind of sub sub tools that you can utilize people do them out of order. Just as life is non linear transitions are not linear. We all have a transition superpower in transition Kryptonite in which people do them out of order in their own idiosyncratic fingerprint of their own life transition. But they do work, and everybody can get better at them Lena. The significance of having an idea of the process of transition as I listened to you at feels like it. It empowers us to live with the unknown and know that will be okay. Right five years is a lot of time. If you told me the last time I had a significant transition that it would take five years to be okay. But you also assured me that I would be okay. Then I'd be a lot more comfortable. Sitting in all of that murky middle are things that I have three things to say about that. I would say number. One transitions are a choice. The life quake itself. The blunt force on your life, maybe voluntary or involuntary. Almost assuredly in either case no matter what is the 'cause you're going to feel stuck. You're going to feel dread. You're GONNA feel fear. Was the number one emotion? You're going to feel sadness at what you're leaving behind. You'RE GONNA. Feel ashamed in a lot of cases. I lost a job. My marriage failed. You're gonNa feel all of these things that transition is the process of getting through it and transitions are choice. You have to leave the frozen period and move into the part where you are going to try to get through it, and once you make that choice. You're on your way so lesson number. One transitions are a choice. Lesson number, two transitions are essential. These are the periods of growth and renewal and rebirth and revitalization, vague or the parts of life, where we get better and third to your question, transitions work the question that we've been kind of. Touching around which is how long they take asked everyone. How long did you transition take? The most common answer and the average answer was five years. Small number people said one to two couple had three or four, most people, said four, five or six. And only about fewer than ten percent of the people said. It took longer. I'm not really through it. It never really ended so ninety plus percent of the people. said that it did end that it did work. They got out of it. So my my the way I think about his his transitions take longer than you expect, but not longer than you need transitions work. It feels to me like so much of what you're exploring here is what gives our lives. Meaning has your own thought on that changed over the course. Course of research answer a question. Let's go back to the very beginning of what we were talking about. Which is the importance of story like our own life story in our heads? We don't actually know that much. About what is it that makes a story. After a century of thinking about narrative structure, we know it's to objects that are somehow connected right. Snowball is not a story. A bloody nose is not a story. The connection between the snowball and the bloody nose is a story right or A mother comes upon the child with a bloody nose and a snowball. Now we really got a story. But the one thing that we know about stories, stories do not have inherent meanings. We. Have to give the story. The meaning and the same thing applies to our lives, and so what I've come to see. Is that the backbone of? Identity of meaning is what I call. The ABC's of meaning. There are three pillars as our lives are swerving everywhere that we can use to control the meaning of our lives the A. We talked about this. The is agency that's doing acting building making our ability feel like we have some impact on the world. The be is belonging. That's our relationships. Our community, our colleagues, our neighbors of our our friend. And the sea is 'cause K.. That's a calling purpose something bigger than ourselves. I think of these ABC's as Your Meat Story. You're we story and your story, and so what I've come to think is that we all have all three of these. Sources of meaning in our lives, and what happens in a life quake is that we rebalance them, so what I would say to people now is one thing that we can do that will give us. A sense of agency and belonging in call has is to revisit. What are the principal sources of meaning in our lives? Double and triple check ourselves. We've all been given this opportunity whether we wonder not. Let's don't miss the opportunity to revisit. What gives us meaning rebalanced them, and that will set us up much better for for where we're going to go forward from here. We began our conversation by talking about this very intense period of your life a number of years ago now. So you buy your own measure could be through that transition that came from that. How are you right now? I think like a lot of people. I'm scared. I'm sad for what we've left behind. Particularly aware that Mike now teenage daughters are. have had this huge massive experience in their lives that shock to them in the comfort that they knew in the world I'm somewhat pleased. It's going to give them some calluses and I think that's what relates to all of us. If you think back to where we started this conversation Jesse, we were talking about a story and we were talking about the idea that we think of our lives as going straight to the end, but then being disrupted in interrupted by shoots. We think of our lives, fairytales and I spend a lot of time. Thinking about very tells while working on the story. And what I came to realize. Is that every fairy tale has the same element which is? A Wolf appears or a dragon or troll or monster. While originally, we think that. Figure that Wolf. If you will is going to ruin the story, that's what brings out the heroic qualities in the hero, right? You take out the wolf, your take out the hero. And, if there's one thing I learned, it's that we need to be the hero of our own stories. And so what I personally feel. Right now to answer, your question is I'm aware of all of the emotion, and the fear and dread, and the feeling of being stuck the sort of existential crisis. We're in and what I personally feel as I got a lot more tools to fight that wolf than I ever would have had at the beginning that this was essentially a factory for me of making me appreciate all the abject human miseries I haven't experienced because I heard a lot at least for now, but it gave me the confidence that when that Wolf shows up in my life. That I can. That I can go at it that I can defeat it that I can get around it or through it, or over it or under it or whatever technique I ended up using. And that I can get to the other side. You know in to me. What what? I? What I feel at the very end of this. Is Okay I got through it. I defeated the wolves. My fairytales intact. And what I WANNA do. I WANNA go back to the beginning and use this moment as to do the most human thing possible, which is to start another story like that's what you do at the end. You say once upon a time. And you start all over again. I mean we have to end right there. That was beautiful. Very much rallying various. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. That? Was Bruce Feiler? His new book is life is in the transitions mastering change at any age. I often ask what you all WanNa hear on the show and listeners right in with great ideas like this one from amy in Arlington Virginia. She suggests we work on an episode about going back to work. She was just preparing to go back on a staggered schedule. Her colleagues were divided into four groups and each group would go in for a week on a rotation. Amy Rights I know a lot of people are anxious about going back which leads to a whole host of other issues such as the value of being in an office when the small number of colleagues and being around people who are so anxious to be at work. Amy I agree. It's true going back as just a loaded. There's how we do it. There's how we feel about it and it. Hello Monday! We're thinking about both. We're working on an episode. If you've got thoughts on this, write us at Hello Monday at Lincoln Dot Com. Or come to our office hours this week and let's talk about it. Our producer storm and I go live from my linked in profile every Wednesday at three PM, Eastern Standard Time. It's our coffee break. So grab your Mug and join us on my Lincoln profile to talk about going back to work whatever that looks like for you. If you like the show, please rate us on Apple podcasts. It really helps new listeners find us. Hello Monday is a production of Lincoln. The show is produced by Sarah Storm with help from Madison Shaffer. Joe degeorge mixed our show. Florencia is head of original audio and video. Dave pond is our technical director Miami Engineer Victoria Taylor. Juliet Perot are the heart of our. We story I music was composed just for us by the mysterious brake master cylinder, and you also heard music from Paddington bear. Dan Roth is the editor in chief of Lincoln. I'm Jessi Hempel. See next Monday. Thanks for listening. We're GONNA have some ladders, but we're GONNA hit some shoots, and and what this is is sort of a shoot training expedition. That's really what life is because the story we tell ourselves as. Let's funny. I mean I think Obviously long-term. Shoots well, while Francis and I have experienced. This period is incredibly intense in difficult. I think Jesus basically great. My Mom's our home all day every day.

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Episode 98: Should I date my ex (again)?

The Sex Wrap

29:14 min | 1 year ago

Episode 98: Should I date my ex (again)?

"Welcome to the podcast for everything that you are too afraid to ask at home too. Embarrassed to ask in school or it was just too hard to ask your partner. Welcome to the sex rap. Welcome back to the sex rap. We're here to answer. Are All your questions about dating love sex relationships we've got you covered. Hey Andrew how are you today I am doing pretty good. I have had a Amy I came up with an awesome weekend. I went to multiple drag shows yesterday's Work the world have been doing all kinds of shopping not for myself for for other people and I had a couple of questions for you about the way that you so you're I've watched sprint so for listeners. Who you don't know I've watched sprig over the past years Be Really Awesome at getting people the perfect gift or writing the perfect kind of card and I I want to know what your thought processes as you like. Make those kind of decisions for people around you like what. What drives you in figuring we out that perfect little thing to say or the perfect little thing to do or the perfect little thing to buy? Well I mean. I'm only really good at that with my best friends ends with you. Blame very close with to be honest And usually it's more like I see something for them that I know they have to have because I know them so well and I buy it more than trying to think about something to buy them. It's just like when I see something I know they need. I'll get it for for them for future gift. You know but I can answer the writing. The cards questioned better. Because that is like a a UH thoughtful thing to do and I really appreciate getting cards relate to write cards and that's the thing like when I sit down to write a card I they will think you know. What do I really WanNa tell this? person in Lake have them really know really remember because it's written down and it's something they can look back at so I paused to kind of think about you know what's important to me about that person. And what do I wanNA communicate to them and that I really enjoy doing because that is like this. You know. Keep -able conversation the permanent remembrance. I love writing cards and I love writing like notes and I love handwritten things. They sent spring things before too. I think it's absolutely lovely. I think it's almost a forgotten skill. Today's world to where people are quick with texts or quick with emails emails. And there's just something really special it doesn't even have to be long. Just a couple of sentences is all it really takes to lift someone up so so I don't know I just think like watching people do it in watching you do it over the years and do it for me as well. I got a couple of weeks ago from spring is absolutely lovely Just that kind of attention to detail I think is what keeps all relationships healthy right and it's really about affirming those parts of people so thank you for rating those nice things that I just want to know that there's people out there like me. who see you do it? And I think it's really fun in it feels good and You're welcome and you know. I think it's so true that like there's something very special about something written. I have received received a something about maybe a month or so ago from someone they left some notes for me and those just felt more impactful packed full than anything else they had said or done for me in the past several months just that written aspect of it really really like gave it some permanent and that felt very special to me. So yeah maybe that's our holiday episode coming up right the right step down right some things. I bought this little bottle of pills but the pills have little smiley faces on them and you open them up. There's a little scroll inside and you write a little note to somebody and you give them the pills so that when they're having the bad day like they have a little bit of Pillsbury is no no. They're like little I'll I'll send you. That's what we'll do listeners. If you're interested in getting one of these pills there's nothing no drugs inside at all. They're not even candy. There's is a little scroll inside. Let us know. Maybe I'll send you on girl reside the Appel Super. Tiny's only have like a tiny amount of space to write a really cute so it's like medicine for a bad day or some for a broken heart. I mean I love these little pill speaking of Cute I love our question for the day and when it was submitted remember. I just wrote a giant list of questions that it made me ask so I think it's it's GonNa be fun. Maybe today I'll just help spring with questions and see how she does Because the question is should date my ex right now the overarching beginning responsible. SPRIG and I had is like we kind of tackled an like no no out but the real answer is it depends right and I think there's some questions you should ask yourself so if you're in a situation where you're thinking about getting back together together with an X. There's a lot of stuff that you should really clarify for yourself in your head. Talk it over with friends before you do And I think that there's a lot of reasons why people do get back with their exes right like instead of having to go out there into the meat market that is defeating today getting on those apps sending texts doing the whole thing There's a lot of familiarity. You kind of know what the person likes them they dislike. I'm sure you have happy. Memories is with that person as well in sometimes as we distance ourselves from the pain of the past we can kind of remember the happy times and not focus so much on the. I can't believe I ever did you times. I mean it is a lot of other reasons why you might WanNa do right like you might see them. It might be in similar spaces aces. You might have friends in common so I mean I think there's a lot of reasons that late push people to the point where they might say. Maybe I should date this person and I think nick. Everybody has a few friends who have ended up in successful relationships with connects but I think the vast majority of US know people who they keep entering into toxic relationships time and time again wondering well. Should I try again. Maybe no no it will not work I. I don't know what do you think why. Where do you think this question is coming from? Well I don't know that it's so much about trying to avoid going back into the dating scene as it is kind of like you obviously had something great with that person at some point you obviously love something about them to date them and I think what happens says a lot of times after we rake up we forget a lot of the bad stuff and we remember more of the good stuff and we can romanticize it in. We can remember like how amazing some of these great great points were and then we start to feel some regret. Around that break-up we think oh maybe I should get back together. Maybe I should give them another chance. Maybe we should try that again. And and you know there is some I think science to that in psychology about you know the way that we remember things and we you definitely Do try to minimize. Some of them were negative memories so that they don't traumatize us as much and so like it makes a lot a sense that you know after you're out of a relationship you start to think. Oh maybe I should date them again so I mean there. Yeah that definitely makes sense and yeah there's GonNa be some of that pool there and I think one of the things. Maybe you should do when you are thinking about that. Ah talked to some friends. Talk to some friends who know what it was like when you were dating not person An heard things that you are saying and they can help remind remind you of maybe some of the reasons that you got out of that relationship and that might be something that actually helps you start to weigh a little bit more. Should I get back together with US person when you start to hear these things back from your friends. When there's repeating the things that you said that you might be minimizing or Forgetting a little bit. That could really help give you some perspective. I think I mean right. So it's like you look back to your old. You look your instagram. All of the pictures that are posted are GonNa be the good times right. I mean I don't know anybody who posts like the most miserable moments of their life on their instagram. But if you're that person I'd love to see your instagram numbs getting. Ah But right so spring spring brings up some really good points that you're you're going to be romanticizing forgetting it. I think talking to friends and family about what happened Is is probably one of the best things that you can do sort of reason out whether or not this is a good option and then there's a lot of other questions uh-huh that that you should be asking to a so like should you date your ex. How long have you been apart? Did you break up last week. And you're already getting back together again. I mean we all have that friend who goes to those tumultuous relationships where you can't tell day by day are you together. Are you not together with that person it. If if it's that kind of relationship the answer is probably know anyway. But I think the longer that you've been separated from someone in the more time that you've spent reflecting on yourself in Div we've spent if they've spent time reflecting on themselves and improving themselves and kind of addressing issues. That might have led to the break-up they sometimes that the time he does he'll or time does change People who are involved I don't know I mean I would also ask questions like why did you break up or how. How did you break up like what did that? Look like and I mean one of the things. I think that tells you a lot about about. Somebody is how they handle rejection. How they how they handle you know like negative experiences? How they handle being upset and you know if so break up went very badly. That's a lot of information for you right there and If the person you know just like Screamed at you never wanted to talk to you again. for several weeks. Is that the type of person you WANNA be in a relationship with where there there is not kind of the ability to communicate through difficult times. And I think that that's actually great information for you to like look at how the the actual break-up went how mature you were both through that an emmy. Maybe you're the person here like I had. I had a lot of trouble. And that's your yourself to think about you know What you might be to work out a little bit and we know? The best predictor of future future behaviour is past behavior. So if someone was cruel to you in the past ghosted you in the past or mistreated you in the past or made you feel small in the past. They're probably going to do it again in the future unless something has changed now if you're the person who initiated the breakup and you're the person who is kind of being occurred than then you have the ability to reflect on your third leanness work on becoming a better heard. No I mean so. I think this question question when I read this question. I thought like I didn't think that the person who is asking the question was the person who initiated the breakup but I think that's probably important perspective for us to consider as well. We'll when we're talking about breakups in why in how they happened. In what might have changed. I think the other big question before we get to the big question. I think we need to take a quick break. Sorry everybody back Andrew we've finally found it. I know so many of our listeners have asked US questions about vibrators that actually work mark sweep operations at sweet vibes dot toys. These are the ones guys they have a lifetime warranty rechargeable their USB. They're waterproof there. Smith Silky soft silicon. And they're really affordable are all actually under fifty dollars. I don't know if you guys know but that's insane like having a high quality vibrator at a good price. Ace is so hard to find. And they have a couple of different types of clitoral stimulator is and they also have a vibrator. That's designed to hit your g spot and your clitoris at at the same time and with our discount code you get fifteen percent off you take these great affordable vibrators and you make them even more affordable so you just had sweet vibes dot toys to to get the best quality sexual fifteen percent off with code sex rap. That's sex strap W. R. A. P. Two words. Everyone deserves their own sweet vibrations in the sex. Ah both committed to helping you find yours What's the big question edger? What has changed? What's different now? How have things change? How have have you changed? How have they changed to be like? I know the answer. Yeah I mean it is it is a big question and I mean actually it's one that's It's pretty difficult to answer. If you haven't been in as close quarters with this person during that time right so you often don't have as much contact with an x for awhile and then if you're thinking about getting back together with them It's hard to actually know what might have changed for them What they might have worked on in their personal life during that time And you internally answer those questions for yourself and understand you know where you've had those changes bureau -flective on that but really understanding that from their perspective is important too and and so. I think that you know if if you're seriously considering less than that's one of the conversations you have with that X. before you make any Decisions about you know Having a conversation about what what they've been going through as change for them what type of reflection they've done over that time we have a friend who has another podcast That we should give a shout out to where his entire podcast is talking to people that he dated about what went wrong so I love I love love. Love the man podcast billy. Sita is very hilarious. And Yeah he He talks with people. He's either been on a date with or that he's hooked up with or that he's had full relationships with and An the has them be very open and honest about you know why why. They don't want to date him anymore or why they never want to see him again. And and you now it's really helpful to have those types of conversations with someone that you use today even if you're not considering dating them again Because it can really help you be reflective. I mean that's what I was going to recommend so if you're going to this X. if you're thinking about why don't you talk to some of your previous relationships and get some some feedback about what you did. Well what happened. What led to the point where you broke up and then if you reconcile? How did you reconcile? After the fact I think a really the important piece of advice for the question should I date my ex's. What does the reconciliation look like? How do you recover that relationship between the point of the break-up and then thinking about dating them again is it? Essentially no contact and then all of a sudden you meet in the sparks fly again or have you worked on a real friendship. Have you worked on addressing some of the underlying issues that led to that break up Because if you haven't started talking about those issues if you haven't dealt with those issues they're just gonNA come right back right. I mean that's exactly what we see most of the time when people date each other break up and then get back together. Is that the issues that led to the break-up in the first place are going to lead to the same break-up again so you can't tell exactly what's different for the other person but you know what's different for yourself or great and I think it's important to talk about that like just like spring said talk about what has changed for you and then if you're going to be dating this person communication here we go like the sex ex-representative with the attires extra like it's time to have those hard conversations that you don't WanNa have about. This is what leads to that break up in the first place. These are the behaviors that exhibited exhibited that. You didn't like these are the behaviors that you exhibited that I didn't like was there cheating involved. I think that's a really big question. Two drives a lot of breakup The cheating is the kind of thing that once it happens in a relationship it seems in many cases unless you get a lot of sex therapy or a lot of therapy that it's a breach of trust crossed that most people don't heal. Yeah I think that That is one of the hardest things for a couple to recover from and and There I mean there are relationships that get through that and continue to be strong or even stronger afterward. So it's not a rule that you know a relationship can't recover from that but it is something that's very difficult to get over because of the trust that's spend broken and that trust within relationship is so important to all other aspects of the relationship right it so that trust is broken. I'm in unless you're actually getting help talking to somebody else or really working on it right so this is the show they get back with my ex. I don't think most of the time these things are happening in the background right like should I get back with my ex. If there's been cheating we'll maybe after we go to five therapy sessions together and sit down and talk to a sex therapist. You can really really help us sort out issues of trust and jealousy because they're really destructive for most people most relationships and I like the but spring said that sometimes some people do get through it but if you've already broken up with somebody over cheating getting back together with them again probably not going to be so successful in that relationship in a a lot of energy and effort is put into addressing like the elephant in the room. We're not calling the person that you're tap with an elephant or say get other another kind of funny question that came to my remind when this Whenever we started reading this question was like is this just about a booty call like should I get back with my ex? Are you really like. Do you want to defeat. Beat them or do you just want easy access to convenience X.. which is a really good question? Because I mean one of the things says sometimes it can take along time to really get into a groove with a partner and once you dated someone for a while and you have some experience with that person built-up yeah there can be you know much more interesting engaging comfortable. You know all of these things this X.. Can be a pretty fantastic. And I think that you know the longer with someone The potential for that can actually really grow so it does says You know there's that pull to want to go back to some really great sex that you've had with somebody or certain experiences that you use to engage with with that person and your that can be that can be something that definitely will be back and and considering do you WanNa have sex with an x is a very different question than do on a date them again And if that is the question then there's a whole kind of another whole pot of questions you have to ask yourself before you go down that road the whole nother episode that. We're going to have to talk two or dig into another time Yeah we hear all of these stories these messages about a makeup sex or break-up sex or hate sex all of those kinds of sexes And a lot of people like that kind of sex. Because it's sex with somebody that you're familiar with. But it's kind of supercharged emotions right not necessarily positive the motions but it gets you riled up in sometimes that helps people orgasms are mixed Feel different to them. But we're going to have to hit this another day. That's a whole separate topic. I have one more question though that I think that. If you're considering sitting dating your ex you should really ask yourself right. Maybe ask the people around you ask your friends and family. What are you actually looking for right red? Are you looking for the same thing that you had in the past. That wasn't good enough. For whatever reason is that really what you're looking for or you looking for something else. It's like what what are you actually need in your life. What are you looking for? What do you want your relationship to look like in ten days ten months? Ten years I think it's really important for people to ask themselves because if you know what you want in it's something that's broken or something that didn't were previously. It's time to start changing. Some of your own relationship priorities. Change what you're looking for. Change the kind of person you're looking for. I don't know what do you thinks free. Yeah I just had this conversation with a friend yesterday actually engaging about you know what you want to create in your life in your romantic relationship relationship life and being actually very clear about what you're trying to create and I don't think you need to like list qualities holidays of a partner or something like that or Or even like go into detail about You know who the person might be. But it's more like what is the situation that would give you the most Support in love and kind of you know. What do you think that situation looks like? And then how do you go about creating that. What what efforts in energy do you need to put? In to the way you're interacting take the world to start to create that situation for yourself and as soon as you start engaging in that kind of thought processes that those kind of thought that's sort of thought process those sort of questions I mean. That's why spring I both kind of at the beginning laughed and said the answer is probably no right because when you start asking those questions your ex isn't going to be really the target of the positives right and you're not. Yeah yeah so I mean I think that there there are some extras. You Might WanNa get back together with there. Are People do make up for a lot of different reasons. And sometimes you know it's related to some timing in your life and you know there could have been a really big stressor that you know got in the way of things and so. I don't think it's a blanket no but But yeah really thinking about you know where you're headed in what you want and And Dan Yeah all these other questions we talked about like why. Why was that relationship ended before? And you know what's different now and that I think thank you can find the best answer for yourself. haw Is that your tip for the day because I think we're at the point for just the tip do you have in adding For Everyone Dale. I mean it's related so when you were talking about earlier in the show about whether You know we're thinking about things through rose thinking about things through rose colored glasses. Can you think about things through collapses in the past passed through rose colored. I I need a looking back over your shoulder at the pass through rose colored glasses so And you mentioned looking at looking back through your instagram amino seeing like all of these great things that riposted and remembering things very maybe positively It reminded me of when my mother said to me when I was My husband and I were breaking up which was several years ago and she said to me but you look so happy on facebook and and I told her will yeah. I don't post all of the miserable things about our relationship where you know things were going through. Or what's hard for us on social media and And I think you know that as something very important to remember in all aspects of our life you know when you're looking at other people's relationships on social media when you're comparing yourself to other people that you're seeing on social media when you are looking back at the the things you have posted Yeah just really being critical about what we're saying even even if it's our own content are you saying social to media is alive because that's what it sounds like an aspect of our lives but not the full picture. No I think. That's it's really important for us when we're looking at any social media to realize that people are presenting the happy perfect world of themselves and annex. Certainly they I hope that you're happy but temper that realize that there's a lot more that goes on That's so sad you look so happy to have facebook. ooh Oh I remember that line. I mean. That was seven years ago. Now and that line has like resounded in my head because yeah that's so powerful right to allow and I. That was something that actually made me share a lot. More of my blogs unlike a lot of the more personal things. I was going through after that. Emily posting that ensuring that so that at to try to help highlight that you know not. Everything's great it all the time and to have some support both from others and and something that other people could look out for and identify with as well. Thank you for sharing that. I two of my tip today is takeout issued a paper right pro on one side right con on on the other side and then across the top right. What you're looking for and just fill it out with that person in mind and I can guarantee you the vast majority of the time you're xs not the person that you want to go back to be with so thank you for listening? Everybody If you you have any questions about this show or any other questions that you want us to talk about with you We talk about love sex relationships. LGBTQ sexual health pretty much anything let us know you can reach us via email where the sex rapid gmail.com. You can call us at four one three. I wrap it and we're on instagram twitter and and facebook at the sex rap. Thanks for everybody for everything that you are too afraid to ask at home too. Embarrassed to ask at school or just to the little music for this episode provided by the ever elusive and mysterious brake master cylinder.

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