2 Episode results for "Amanda Salis"
Amanda Salas Beat Cancer!
"Hi Brenda de Vere. Larssen when we say going in Roz the only wrestling podcasts. You need to be listening to. It's not just because we keep you up to date on the latest wrestling news. It's not just because we have full detailed and critical reviews of every wwe and a w show with coverage of new Japan and of course AAA lake. It's because weight wise. It's only pros links show. They need to be listening to because even friends for over twenty years wrestling fans for nearly early as long work partners for more than a decade. We literally couldn't do anything else. We need to be the only pro wrestling podcast. People need to be listening to our livelihoods depend on it. That's good enough reason for me. Learning yeah so subscribe to going in raw a pro wrestling podcast. You can find us where ever you get your podcasts. In fact in today's such a special episode. I'm here with one of my dearest friends that I've known forever. Her name is Amanda Saleh's who made her we're high. She's a Fox News Anchor and you've done a million amazing things. I mean we met doing improv comedy. We met over a decade ago over a decade. That's what you look the same you everything you've just been through. Thank you but means a lot. You look great and by everything she means. Cancer just went into remission for non Hodgkin's lymphoma whom I god so that we're GonNa talk all about this today. I mean the podcast is called worse. I it's about the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Ding Ding Ding Ding. This is crazy. I want to know everything I wanNA. I know like you know how you knew where you you know how you first got diagnosed. I want to know everything so I'm going to let you kind of just take it. Thank you so all I want to hear everything I I want to say. Congratulations on this amazing pod. Thank you amazing hateful out of the way I was diagnosed in June. With non Hodgkin's skins lymphoma primary medicinal non-hodgkin's lymphoma which is actually quite common for women. Our Age release. Of course I get the the cancer that has media in the title. Oh my God. You're 'cause you're like avenue so explain to people what is non Hodgkin's lymphoma. Yeah because I didn't even know I don't really cancer of the lymph nodes and I didn't know that this is the most basic simplest way to put it it's cancerous lymph nodes and the symptoms are kind China crazy because they are misdiagnosed all the time because they mask themselves as flu or cold like symptoms so for the longest time. I just thought my God. This cold won't go away okay. or I'm having the worst allergies but would really pushed it to the to the Max wise. For months my face was getting more and more swollen and I've always kind of had like a Cherub Angels Angels Selena Gomez e Type Rounder face and I own it. I love it and it's me but I was watching myself on television like you mentioned. I'm on Fox. Eleven and I'm I'm doing his celebrity interviews. 'cause I do entertainment and I'm watching my camera on me and my face just looks bigger. Yeah and friends asked me. Did you get filler. And I go no right. Did you get dental work. And I said no and even somebody goes. You're putting on ways way you're so skinny so it's like crazy easy because it's just like it was just you saw that because your whole body was like a twig but they all face was swollen. Exactly it was like looking like Pixar character. Your your body is super skinny which is actually how I found out. I was doing the toy story. Four junket with Tom. Hanks Tim Allen and I'm like listen I'm supposed to be talking about Pixar characters now looking like one they're like. Wow this girl really gets into character. Look at her she popped up her face and everything solid reporter. You write in a monster's INC three hard life. That's how he felt like a monster. No I had my head in my hands and a CO worker came up to me and said your symptoms of what you're saying sound like something I had with my thyroid Deroit So I went to one of her. Holistic doctors look now. Mind you into allergist okay. General Doctor Every doctor basically that. I A dermatologist. uh-huh everyone that I thought would explain the face yelling and the itching you had a changing hands feet and chess mostly like everywhere. Felt like right answer on me. And there were no bumps. There was no red bombs. There's rash like why am I so itchy and my blood. That's another symptom of lymphoma and I explained all these symptoms to a doctor Brittany. One one doctor said to me. You're not getting enough sleep and said so. Not Getting enough sleep is why my face is swelling up and he looks and goes your reporter Google it of course Hello you're a doctor. Take your blood. They took my blood. And that's the crazy thing. BLOOD TESTS WON'T REVEAL LYMPHOMA. The only way is through a scanner. Dan Or an x ray of some sort so I had They thought it was a thyroid issue. I got thyroid ultrasound. While I'm getting the thyroid ultrasound. She picks up a piece of the tumor. It was June seventeenth. I'll never forget it and they handwritten envelope after your ultrasound and say you have to go to the emergency room and me being healthy. You only thing I've had was a colder flew my whole life. Ask why and I can't tell you because We're not doctors and I'm like like why am I going to emergency room. Yeah inside the envelope. It said that a mass was found and I go in the alleged. Dave missed it. Well if she you didn't catch a tip of it yeah and I could have just been like okay and I and the doctors told me had I not caught it. I would have had a stroke. I could have had a stroke because my face was swelling because the tumor was pressing down and blocking the oxygen coming in here so my face. That's where my face was blowing up. God forbid my poor parents I think about them. ooh Did you feel like couldn't you couldn't get air or anything. Oh I didn't have the other classical symptoms which are shortness of breath or chest pain. I only had the itching and swelling face. Yes but they found out that my tumor Zyganov you're in La. I'm like they go. It's up this this big this big numbers okay. Can you like like a golf ball. They send CICI's like an implant no they go I go they go bigger and I said like a grapefruit and the doctor goes like an organic grapefruit stop and go. Oh my gosh. I went to the store with my mom a month later. The produce section. I held up a great boot. I held up an organic grapefruit. There's a different is. There really is a bigger organic inorganic. Great Food is kind of like a bigger orange. Oh Wow yeah. That's a huge huge humor. That was inside of your body. I'd my meds Steinem Yup in between like the heart and the lungs area. Yeah and it's a blood cancer. It was growing lymph Obama's aggressive it quickly of his. That's why they said how they got caught. It could have had a stroke doc. I had to go on chemotherapy four days after being in the air. Oh and days later my God it happened so fast. I I remember you announcing it and I was just like what like. It's great like I could not believe it. I was like Amanda. Has Cancer like you're an Italian like hardy like I know your parents like Mike are like tough people like we don't get sick. I mean like yeah no new your parents. It had cancer. Oh you're me Mas one hundred thousand. Her grandma down dead you have to go to. A man does instagram and look at her grandma. Her Grandma's is like a battle goes share in the cockroaches are going to be the last things on this planet. I love your grandma. She took care like she's like so in gem but she looks great and she's got a cool hairdo and she goes to the beauty parlor cassettes. She calls me and she goes. I WANNA look like billy idol and I want the front look like a duck's ass all I know what you're talking about dogs at ducks ask feather okay. Yeah I love her so much so everyone was in shock right. Everyone was in shock. Did they say how they think you've got it or the thing with foam. Ah when you know when somebody smokes and they get lung cancer are you can kind of say like Oh. That's right there is no known cause for lymph OMA and no it wasn't roundup weed killer it one more message all the Mesothelioma Sahelian like every everyone's down round of everyone was crowned up round up. I don't even have a yard. I live La Cement. Exactly my God. There's no known cause for lymphoma it's just a mutation of the cells. Isn't that so insane insane insane because there's no there's no 'cause then there's no known way for you to prevent it and so what happened so now that you're in remission thank God thank you God awed and I knew it would make it. You're very good. You're a good person. I knew this would happen and What happens now? Do they check you regularly or you're how do you. How does that work? So you got your machine. I can't go back to work fulltime until beginning of the year January. Twenty twenty. Because you still have to rest yes I get your body. Eighty to recover from being poisoned for four months. But she's such a trooper. You guys. She walks in today. She's all dressed up. She's got her hair on. Mike would you just got worse. Yep I was working working I did and I am. DVD pressure on. This girl loves to work like she's the most driven like I take naps all the time but you love to work to work. That was hard for me not to work. I'm like it's amazing like I just watched you work your way from doing like little like red carpet stuff than going all the way to Fox I watched you and then right when you got your foxing then get the cancer ring grave on. I got a Fox promotion as an entertainment. all-star yeah I Got The diagnosis one month later. But they're taking you back. They are they have to take me back. I will talk so much fun cast so I walk. I just started punching people. I swear like they're taking their take. They've been very I have to say they have been so supportive more than I saw. They talk about you on the news and you had a fundraiser and like hundreds of people I went I showed up and I I told my husband before I left. I said you know I'm going to go because I don't know if a bunch of people are going to be they're taught like I'm like I'm going because I felt like I was like I feel like maybe like no one's GonNa go right. There's fucking like three thousand fucking. How can people there? I'm like I have like one little like saying I brought you like something stupid. Like a little flower thing. There's like fire trucks and like whole families. Everyone's everyone's got their Amanda a man to shirts army t shirt with the green non-hodgkin's lymphoma but ribbon on it. Like I was like what the Amanda Carnival to lose more than Coachella. I'm thinking like oh I'm going to go because you know may only be like three people people you know and then I shop and there's like hundreds I'm telling you guys it was literally like Coachella. There were so many people there. I'm so I was so I was amazed and you were like Arlit Arlit. Thank you chemo. Cello and there were so many other people there that we young kids with it so you found like a whole new community. Yes I see that I've gotten so much support from my work community like work friends and family my blood family and then now like other warriors and you guys have all banded ended together the best compliment. We have the best compliment. I think I've ever gotten in my life is when somebody messages me and says you are helping me get it through my cancer journey. Help bring if you would have told me. At the beginning of two thousand nineteen then be helping people get through their cancer journey. Because I would be going through what I know but you know I said I made a promise to God. I said if you give me a second chance at life. I promise that I will give back and do something. Good for someone else. And we've raised over forty two thousand dollars for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society with the fundraiser. That you went to and through just online donations. Anything from five dollars. Some people donated five hundred dollars. It was just really nice just incredible and helping people. There's so many people and young people people off and I just like and you knew it was amazing watching you do this too. Was that you never i. I know you had your days where you were like you know taken by it but you put on such a brave face for everyone like it almost would make me cry because I will watch you. And you'd be like in your superwoman uniform. And you'd go into you had like you went into Chemo and did like the Golden Globes and like. Yeah I was like wow like an just bring you so much positively because I feel like if something like that happened to me or like most people you know getting diagnosed with something like that. You'd be like all you'd feel so down. How did you remain? I did have those days And I just I remember. I'm just this this is who I am and I thought I can turn this mess into a message now. There were definitely those days where I didn't even like walk my dog because I just felt gross or I just felt tired or anything like that but I said you know what get one life yes and I like Living Newton. John says who's a three-time driver. Wow Oh wow yeah three time you can either be victim to this or you can go out and live your life and this made me appreciate life even more even while I was fighting it. I'm alive even though I have chemo. Attached to me twenty four hours a day five days every three weeks. I am alive to watch this movie to watch the sunset to feel this breeze on my face and now I I stopped for a minute and I notice all all the little things that I never appreciate it as much before like I appreciate it them but now I'm like wow look at that cloud formation well feeling like the leaves blowing in the wind hearing that crisp noise and everything. I'm taking notice of all that and I know it sounds so little at doesn't I'm trying 'cause I'm like it's so amazing amazing because it's like you really. Yeah you're so grateful a little things your dog reading you when you come home and looking at their face you're like Oh my God I want to absorb all all this. Yeah because tomorrow is not promised right anyway. Did they tell you at some point that this could be the reason lymphoma thankfully is treatable. Okay if it's caught I was staged to okay. How many stages of their four four okay? I was staged to and if you catch it even if you catch lymphoma at stage four can still will be treated right but there are people that pass away and a lot of it is because of misdiagnosis. Oh It's the flu OAS few. Don't get that scam. They don't do that biopsy. AFC then there's no way to treat it and so I'm just grateful to that ultrasound technician and to my oncologist and hematologist for everything they did because because honestly they saved my life. Can you imagine if that ultrasound technician just was like nope. Your lymph nodes look great. Yeah yeah well. She did it and then she goes here. Here's a towel. I'll wait in the lobby for a second. The season seem normal. She called me back in for a second round and go That's not a good sign but it was a good assign right because she gets checked and checked it suspect it detect it correct. Wow look at that what else back to detect it. Yeah you you have to suspect it and did you ever go back to those doctors that told you you're not getting enough rest in your you know it's all in your head that's like my that's the thing I hate most about doctors is when they you think like oh it's like anxiety or yet you're not getting enough sleep or writing and a lot of the Times though symptoms are for something deeper Right Yeah Oh they were the first calls calls when I got out of the hospital. Oh we'll refund your copay. Yes thank you but you know what I wanted even more than that two things an apology. Yes for how you just dismiss-dismissively assists missed it. And secondly I want you to write down every single symptom. I told you that I had and I want you to remember it and study it so that if somebody else comes in with these same symptoms you now now know what to do. I can't believe they said the itchiness was because you were tired yet. The swollen face tired itchiness with exit strategy allergies. I must have taken iced iced over five hundred dollars on Sarah actually sponsored by that. Oh they're anti-itch lotion and it didn't work it. Just it right inside it was from the inside was a blood. It was more blood. God that is unbelievable. I was so uncomfortable for about four months. Like you just didn't couldn't figure it out and it got really bad right like to the point Dhammika. It got so bad to at three o'clock in the morning I would wake up. I would hop onto my bathroom sink cold water and just put my feet and hands. And they're like I was is like showering in a river or so you were so which needed the cool water to just and this isn't normal. Something is wrong. You're I'm didn't you think like a food allergy. You're like oh I'm probably allergic allergic to some kind of food or something. Crazy was just a horrible year personally for me going through thing right right right and then have to do with that mcallister like I literally. Can't Sir Okay Sir Cancer. No more. Gosh but look look at you here you are. Thanks little chief full no is sheep. It looks great. I actually KINDA WANNA take it off because I'm hot. You can sorry half. Do you know big so good is starting to grow by A. I'm not I would say I'm so grateful for a five o'clock shadow. Oh my God i just ah okay guys. We're GONNA take a quick break and we'll be right back with Amanda Saleh's on worse verse committing to Jim is hard so don't commit work at any. Jim Try any class. Always one easy ab class pass from cycling yoga destroying Chinese police. You can take any class anywhere Atlanta Vancouver Vancouver and everywhere in between go to bid ally Ford Slash Star class passed to say forty dollars off your first month. That's billy for its star class. Pass through your forty dollars savings. Hey guys my name is rare Carmona and I host was that good for you a podcast. All about sex and relationships we cover everything from kinks too long distance dating and everything in between the podcast right now. If you're interested in mind subscribe for more antics. We have words of the day we talk all things sex and if you WANNA be on my podcast call four two four two four five five one zero two and leave me a voicemail with a question or story or basically anything you want. Okay now you you can jump back in and when he's finished up checkout that good for you you're so professional you put your okay. We're back with Amanda Sal. We're talking about her worst first year which was with cancer? Her worst first journey with cancer and just showing. How professional man is she's so used to doing interviews and stuff? She puts her water bottles on the ground. So they don't show me unless arrowhead sensors you're one hundred percent local favourite. Okay all right well all right hero. Oh Hey arrowhead come through with the brand deal okay Alhaji thirsty. y'All know how thirsty I I am. Make sure to subscribe share with all your friends getting one of those friends for me. I have to say where I don't see you for a year or two years. Whatever you're it's like riding a bike just pick right back up where we left off because we were friends instagram? Before all of it we lived lived in Hollywood together. We used to go to the thrift store together about these fucking dumb guys God. I broke trying to find your way be any rejected. Can I just say one project that we did. We had to wear pink. Oh my God dog collar the things we did back in the day people are GonNa be like. Is this on porn hub this no it was a TV show a prank show. It was a prank comedy. Show that we did and it was so fun fun we have. You had those people we still keep on lifetime. The and I lose people. I know I still crazy. Like how they kind of gave us our star. They did and what we used to do. Like we used to Gig back in the day. Oh I booked a day. Hey Yeah do oh yeah no. We worked hard to try to get jobs like it was just so hard and you get like we get like. I get like one or two jobs a month just enough to pay my rent every month. That was all we made. It was like a challenge. You have so many skills design fashion. Styling Act comedy looking okay. It's funny because you've known me before all that stuff a lot of people know me just from vine I know I'm like Oh Britney or provide. Yeah exactly dead. No but it's so crazy too because I like see you go from that to going into hosting. I mean you're always a good host and always on your feet and your improv skills and then now and then going to that and now doing back to Fox and like it's so crazy to watch you just grow and the audience you've cultivated of all these people that support you in love. You very grateful and amandas guys. Amanda you have to follow on instagram. Just Amanda Salis Right And she she is so good with ponds. That's like her thing you're like the Pun. Queen consultant is serious. Like I there were times. I paid my bills just for making puns for TV. Show no pun salt upon salt. I want you to have that as a business. I thought the web domain consultant when you have a pump salt. She's amazing with if you ever need upon hit. Amanda up just incredible. Okay so tell me what so now. You're in remission. Now remember Russian at Toco for checkups. Every three months wants and then scan A few scans a year Just to make sure I still have my port and have you ever felt that you have to leave it in leave and what does that. What is it a tube here? Oh my God. I'm so scared I don't WanNa put bacteria on it. Can I just look at it. And I'm like afraid I'll touch it and then something will go inside. You'll be like did you. Bernie Ron germ went inside your no. It just feels like you have like a small marble in you it is. It's IT'S A it's a catheter. That are in a way needle to like. Put the Chemo. This saved my life. Does that go directly to your horror. It goes to a vein to a vein to tell you something there. Only a few places you can get came out the first first time they tried to put the port and they couldn't do it because my tumor was blocking where they needed to put it so they had i. I had to get it a little bit here. the one I transferred hospitals. They're like we. We don't do chemo. Here we only have two places we put Chemo. And if you don't have the port in guess we're I took my first round of chemo up your ass Lord. I feel it working. That was a Kim. No no no no no no I took it in in the. I can't think of the word right now. Because I have chemo brain Oh my God where what will party your body. It's shown remain. They did in your grinds. Okay do that all the time. The thing that is the thing you know the words like on the tip of your tongue. But you can't say. I don't even have chemo brain. I just have like problems. Like what's that word again. Oh Yes farragut. In the in the in the Roy Getting Chemo through your groin. What does it feel like when it's going through your rain? I'll never forget the very first time I got chemo. I was laying in the hospital bed and I was hanging in a bag and I could see it dripping getting really oh my my God. What's IT GONNA be like when it actually enters my body because you heard so many things about Awaited about twenty minutes and I'm not kidding. My feet were like this and all all of a sudden my fico like jiggle wiggle because your body's like intruder intruder had no control. Your buys like Oh my gosh it got easier easier. As you kept getting chemo but at first your body it goes until shouting. Yeah it's poison right it is poison it. That's why you lose your hair. It kills the good good growing cells that you have. That's why we lose our hair. It kills everything. If it's really bad I got really bad mouth. Sores lost my hair eyebrows. I lost my eyelashes. How do you if eyebrows right now? Did you just draw. They looked so real cute. They're so fake. You just drew him with a pencil. Looks like hair. Thank you and your eyelashes urges fake. I hello yeah fake eyelashes. They look like really. Yeah I take them off. I look like a frog nicer to myself but I but but like you ingest. Joe Make Fun of me I make myself. You can't be ten times harder. Yeah I hear a lot of girls say say that they look like thumbs but so I changed it and go no go frog just like is so wait so then. When does the hair start to fall out like immediately? I thought Oh man with my ethnicity like you're never come back to you. Had Okay by the way Amanda had enough hair for basically like an entire small village of ball children. Like you had so much hair you had the thickest Harry ever see it was like a horse may was literally like imagine a scrunchy. We'll be like crazy amounts of air. It was pretty crazy. So what did you do with at all I okay. I'm I think this is gonNA sound so weird. I put her in supply bags. There's about seven ziplock bags of my hair in it. They won't take it when I tried to donate because it has to be an braid of together. Oh great great you know but I met somebody who makes the wigs for repulsed drag race. who were talking? Yeah Yeah Yeah but maybe him making me a wag using your IRA career. Could you had so much so much. Yes so when it falls out doesn't like just fall out like a normal piece of hair would fall outages scalp come out so I saw so you when you brush it. It comes out when you put your finger comes out when I was in the shower it stuck all together in clumps and then you it's like clumps in your hand clumps your hand I started saying like I'm just trying to like make myself yet because no one's I just haven't myself feel better because I really thought for sure that maybe I would have a little more time with it happened. I did acute haircut like how you have a bobby right that and I want a little more time with it but it was when it starts to come out. It's coming out and it starts to hurt. Burn so you you want it actually get rid of it it all your so uncomfortable. That was harder than I thought it was gonNA does the Chemo make you feel sick. Oh yeah like what does it make you feel like it. Changes your taste buds. So your food for a few days tastes like pennies is like a more like a metal taste. No wine note. Tequila tasted like metal. The only thing I could do is like a percent go once in awhile. -cause bubbly. He makes you feel sick. nauseous Your nails turn black. That's why put no Polish downstream black males. Turn Black Wise your nails like in your hair. You know connected and anything that grows okay. Gi tract nails now off. Luckily my nails didn't fall off. Some people had their knows about mine. Just got real bredahl okay and thin and dry and song long before. Oh yes. They're growing they're growing back. Yeah and my hair slowly going back you need to take sugar bear harass. They don't sponsor me and I shouldn't even say that on here but it totally works L.. Oh my God that's the one thing I will say i. I have taken that when I wanted my hair long. I don't care about at short now short but when you take that that stuff really were I take the Nutrition sweet hair but you know it's like shredder version sponsor. Amanda Mess Sugar Bear Ever Some mm-hmm hair guys God. That's crazy so I actually really like your hair this length by the way thanks so much easier. It's so much easier and also I don't know why I was so afraid I've always how long hair sheikh is Sheikh. So we have that stigma because they think we're like Italian and like the like the long hair and it's full and your mom's like don't cut cut your hair. You grew it so long like we kind of grew up in that and I think like then one day I was just like fuck it liberating. Thanks liberty going to have like a Pixie and I never would've tried that. You're gonNA look so good with a Pixie car. I have these cute. Little Curls yes and you have a good you have a good shape head. They like like you know people are telling me that I kind of believe. Yeah saying some people have of scary head and you don't think so you're good you know what it looked like. I've never seen it but that I was like whatever it is going to be. Oh my God okay. So what's next steps now. What is your game plan for life now so my game plan for life has to also so serve as somebody who can administer awareness to people you know? Be Your own advocate when you go to the doctor. I want to still be there for people. People who need me if I could go to the hospital and sit with a family or somebody lymphoma or not anyone going through it Be Very mindful of my health but not live. Live in that paranoia right. I was I knew something was wrong. My Body but I don't Wanna be that person where every headache is something every issue something. It's hard not to be part of this though you do have a a level of PTSD. Yes of quarter went through something worse than you can ever imagine. So how do you stop yourself off. You should meditate. Everyone's answers fucking meditate celery Jews. I'm I'm like doing all those things but you know like I feel you because that's everyone's answer admitted to meditate and I drink sewer use. That does help to be honest with anxiety. If you're being diety or NAP NAP meditate. Yeah but then I read. You can get too much vitamin K from the celery juice and it can be toxic to your body if you drink it every day. I read that someplace something always something. Yeah everything in moderation guys I everything in moderation but but so that slow when you start to get nervous about feeling or like if you start like I said you start to feel. We'll go to something like what do you tell yourself too. You know. We grew up Catholic right and like maybe we're not like world's best Catholic right right but there's one prayer that it has always stuck with me and that's the serenity prayer and sometimes you just ask God to like give you strain and help you with the things that you can control and things. You can't control you. Just whatever's meant to be is meant to be and I have to remember God. Give me the courage to accept the things I cannot change. Change the things courage to change things. I can the wisdom to know the difference members Eh. Luhya No. It's so funny because I know the Internet is very like it's so funny because there is a lot of people that don't believe in God there's people to do and you always have to be like people. I'm always careful not to like impending my opinion on other people were you have to be. I do believe in God and I and through through this experience as you say. Oh Yeah it's elevated my faith a hundred percent. I wasn't supposed to have my ultrasound and point until the week after and they had an opening. And there's something I think just told me to go and not push it off another week and I'm so glad I did because as soon as I got there. They were like. We need a biopsy you when you came on right away because it kept blocking more. Oxygen Eckstrom is going so I'm just so grateful that I got the appointments that I did the treatment that I did and honestly their their science. There is coincidence. Timing and there's also for me. It was divine intervention. It was God. Did you feel God through this. Oh Yeah for sure. How to Guardian Angel this? Yes I do you too I know I I mean I think I think if you open yourself to it. It's there. Yeah you know what I mean. I think I not to like you know. I'm sure there's a ton of people on on this podcast. That don't believe in any absolutely fine. I respect their. They don't have to. Obviously there's no reason to for you but I for me. It's just a new. It's experiences you have in your life. That have kind of made you go like weird like yes feels different. Yeah just have a feeling you just have a feeling and I and I made that promise and if there's one thing about me when I say I'm going to do something I always want to keep my word so I was like I need to give back and you know I'm not patients like why. Wait till I'm better. Let's start in the middle of chemo literally raising money for other people. While going through this I was which WHO's incredible and I know what this organization does and they help people and you know we're lucky. We have good health insurance but not everyone. Not Everyone. Dies and Chemo is expensive. And I can't imagine the children and the people that I saw there at your fundraiser. I saw children with the answer. And I'm like Gosh. Like imagine like who knows if their parents have health insurance. You know anytime I was feeling bad self. I would glance at. I'd see a child in wheelchair at the hospital with a shaved head and I'd say you know what yeah. It's not ideal having it in your thirties. But it's not ideal having it as a child and being a parent of a child who's going through Uh and have spent your childhood in and out of hospitals and I I have to shot all those parents. The dedicate their lives to their kids and the kids. That are strong resilient. There's so strong strain. I made friends with a little taller named Miley on instagram. You dead. She's like three and I have instagram cute and little in her mom helps front obviously Brunner instagram but she saw my picturing goes look mom. She's bald and beautiful just like me. And they're so resilient and and she gave me straight and then with with her and the Leukemia Lymphoma Society and good friends and your family. I mean you can get through anything so now one more quick question question and lymphoma. Yeah what is the difference. Well the other two different diseases but they're both blood cancer. Both blood cancer. That's why there's the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. So they're both related and leukemia is It's it's a blood cancer as well as it is treatable as has lymphoma because I've heard really bad things about leukemia. Much about cat is treatable but sometimes the treatment goes longer. And there's different forms of leukemia. Kimia same with Lymphoma Mr T.. Was At my pancakes I saw was there. I had t cell lymphoma he did. Not One is pretty hardcore. But I mean if Mr and Mrs PDD He beat it he beats all the bad guys. It'd be the. At and he told me. When you're going to beat it too? And I I so grateful and I was hopped up on steroids at that. Point gets to extend while. You're doing chemo to help. Counter the effects of chemotherapy gain weight. You Get mad. Everybody does small. So don't worry but yeah you get get mad get mad. My grandma packed her bags she did. I'm sorry here like adopt fucking grandma duck butthead venue doug goes to the nurse to you. Does it make you irritable. The steroids and the nurse goes yet. I go I told you. Mom Legs just didn't want to believe it with my granddaughter. Oh we're so you. Did you stay in the hospital for a certain amount of first first round. I did and with this kind of chemo. Usually you're inpatient. The I found I did but then they said to me. We actually want to give you a chemo backpack. Hi Mark. I never heard of that. It's more like a fanny. Pass up ice back. I can't wear this. I'd rather have cancer. Yeah that's I've never heard of a kilo backpack manufacture Kemoko. They would chemo to go like in and out in and out. Yes and you have like animals. Dial took a fanny. Pack for five days and administered about about a shot. Glass of keynote chemo. Every hour. To me and you just wear it and I was. I was a fan of a fan. I was Dwayne the Rock John. You can walk around with it. I went to comedy shows with the shopping with the feeling. Okay to do the swing team. Oh you are like insane. I get like a head cold. I'm like no guys down for the count for three days. I need a forty five days. Rest I'M GONNA need a prescription. Medication like Chemo backpack is let's go to a club. Yeah like I'M GONNA. This is not going to you know. Hold Me Down A. Somebody's did some days. I was like I can't get out of bed. You'll so drained tired in some ways. I'm like you know what I felt. I went to dinner with my friends and my chemo. Backpack it you know. People can nurse in public people can get their came. Oh I'm just amazed that you went the did the Chemo and then you had the energy. Thank you to go out and do stuff where you're taking any other vitamins or anything hand take vitamins while you're going through. They told me no. It's no secret that when they want to be a mom yes so I don't have Mahdi Warrior. Yeah I'm like if people can have gender reveal parties I'M GONNA A head shaving price all that and I'm like you know if people can You know to do certain things in public to feed their child. I need to feed my chemo rightly so I I just went on public and people ask me about it was very well. Sometimes they would have to go through a metal detector and they'd save to put your bag I say I can't it's attached to me. This is McKee Mohan okay. There are very supportive. Yeah did anyone ever say anything rude to you while you were going through this one guy. I messaged me and told me Please don't shave your head because I don't think I can look at you without your hair place Tucson. Follow me fucking asshole I like ooh fuck. Aw Yeah I know what the Hell you're like. It's not a choice Bro. It's coming out. Fuck Fuck. Yeah it's coming out and started looking like Kristen wigs character on. I said L. when she does on what's called like lip blip or was it called. What's that characters or something? Yeah inch lady or something. I don't know thirty precede all the way down here and and just be here for as long as you could rat tail all my shaved it. You had your share head party and I I was like everyone. Take a shot of Tequila so that at the end. We're all buzzed. Oh my God guys like. I'm getting buzz buzz. Yeah MHM Now did they say that you could drink on Chemo. They said be responsible so busy. A beer once in a while. They said that's okay ten. NBA Right right right. You know everything in moderation yes. Oh my God and now do you have to do anything else. Now that you're not on anything right now do you take anything. Ram supposed to be resting. And that's arresting to recover. Yeah going back to our no pills right now officially told me I can stop taking my medication which is always a good thing. And what was the medication. It was like a And Anti viral medications. Okay because you're immune system's down Bingo because the system. Yeah you're counts. Go Way Down Chemo. Kills Your counts Komo coaster energy but it did not kill the self esteem. I still walked in there like I was badly you did and I saw the video. I'm like laying in bed exhausted from like walking to get my mail. And you're like out there like Common like an address with a chemo. I'm like what is she like. It's insane I why new you're going to be okay. Okay because when you shared it my heart sank right away and I was so upset but then I was like it's Amanda. They like I just knew I was like there's nothing nothing that it's not a mandate doesn't die like you too strong. I was like this is GonNa be the end and I just yeah I I didn't I was. I wanted to turn this message message. I like that saying. Did you come up with no. I can't take credit for that. One mass into mass into a message. Okay and so. Like what advice would you give anyone who's struggling with you know Enron listeners who are going through request something stink you something serious like this yes you know or even maybe something. That's not as serious but they're struggling and they don't see a positive outlook on life right. Now what advice could you give. I would say life can sometimes feel like it's on the rocks but as long as you always see the glass half full this business. How Morbid no I think about there are people that leave their house and Gough again? A car accident and their life is taken like that. Yeah and they don't have a chance to say goodbye and they don't have a chance. Wants to do one last thing one. Last time I think about instead of thinking about all the people that have a better than me I take a minute to be grateful because are people to have it so much worse and the thing about it is when you like I got to you if you get it detected and diagnosed you are halfway through the battle because then you just treat it. The hardest part for me was finding out what was wrong right because you felt not well not relieve. That's the wrong word but it was almost relieved. Going through Chemo peace. Finally there was some answers and I was going to find comfort again. I wasn't gonNA feel so on car is why is my face doing this. As soon as the first round was over the itching had subsided. My wife started to go down. It was just a sense of like. Oh wait was actually lifted my hair right but like an actual the feeling of okay. At least we out what was wrong. Yes yeah which is say. Count your blessings. Because I'm telling you there are people that have it so much worse and just think about the positive thing about the pundits all you can and I hate the saying because I'm not like I'm a planner to but you really do have to take it day by day. An oncologist told me this quote and it stuck with me the entire journey some days. You step on pebbles some days you step on rocks but every step you take is one step closer closer to healing. Wow so instead of people saying like how you feeling a good dare better. There are no good or bad days. When you're battling cancer there's Rockin pebble days right so is is it a rock day? That's pretty bad if it's a pebbled it's like it's not great but it's manageable Ray. So that's how I just did it. Rock Day pebbled had how to do it for for about five months. Five months five months from June everyday everyday people would say and then my friends had text me and say Rock Day or Pebble de. Hey fingers crossed really. Yeah that's how we had to monitor And so does it. It shrinks the tumor. She don't physically get surgery. Yeah I think the only I had a biopsy to find out the cells were cancer. And but no the chemo actually shrunk. I could show you picture on my phone really really have a before. So it's still there but it's it's gone. It's gone it shrinks it to oblivion scar tissue you. If you fell on the on the ground yeah now are you serious So just can get rid of goods route. That's incredible that you can just do that with a medication. Yeah it gets rid of shrinks. It's so small that it just doesn't exist any I would say to my dad. Oh my gosh. My hair is falling out so quick eyelashes like my nails. My mouth sores and he would say if doing all that. Imagine what. It's doing into the tumor under the tumors. Like cars. All my God it is and then so what does it do Louis Breakdown you pee or poop it out or what. You're gonNA toilet as a tumor. It's just like you in the toilet like such an asshole tumor fucking go. Go somewhere to say never never land. I'm back to where you came from. My pregnant friends would come over and eat with me. One day I'd say to them you're eating in for two and I'm eating for tumor so you know what pass go eating for two and I'm GonNa be kinder to yourself. Britney ahead a day. Last week I was rubbing hair. Grow hair growth oil on my scally CASTROVILLE. Yes it is still shining. You know. You're like Mister Mister clean here comes Mrs Clean exactly and I just want to a little bit of FIS and I think I'm getting it now. You are signed on. I just said I remember all the days that I would see it in front of this mirror and complain about my hair day. It's like split an Audi. Ah I think if we can. Here's my lesson. Everyone cancer not just be kinder to yourself yes because my hair was gone before I knew it so fast grateful for like what you have. Yes yes and your hair is gonNA come back. I know it's going to come back in full force to I know it's going to be thick. Yeah and maybe not as thick as before which would be a good thing thing right. I am being trying it out like my God. You'd enough hair to cover the war okay. I still go the hair salon. Please thin it out. Then yeah thank you know whatever but yeah all right we have you have to be grateful to be nice to yourself. You know people look in the mirror and you're so quick to like I like you beautiful friends. I have other friends were beautiful and you know I wanNA know his job or I want this or I want that or I hate this about myself and I'm like they're literally like a hundred thousand people in this world that would cut off their arm just to look like you like to look like you with one arm are there will be like hell. Yeah I'll take it exactly. Hey there's GonNa be kinder to ourselves yes I know it's an important thing to do. It's a reminder it's hard because we live in La. I'm sorry but like going through cancerous top going cancer in La in this industry and this business it was hard. All these gorgeous friends on instagram and INSTAGRAM's swiping through. I know you called it. It was really fun. You called it. Lymphoma lymphoma she was. Did I had Volvo Worthy. Why are they going Covering the EMMYS can cover them. I had falmouth because it was on Fox. The Sierra would've been they're doing I would have been there the you will be there this year and next year and all the years I chrome now right now you have a story in Asheville and you can always speak out about it and the I know let people know your story. That's the thing it's brought what I mean. I saw the people at brought together. It really move people and I often wonder and I know this is like a weird thing to say. God works in Weird ways. The fact that right when you really got big with your Fox stuff you got cancer and you were because of your platform were were able to use your voice. Use Your Voice all these people. Yeah which is kind of like incredible. Didn't happen before you know it happened happened right when you got. Yeah your biggest success in your place at Fox in your life. Half of my instagram followers are from this journey half sane and I used to have like you know how you can see more men follow your more women by I used to have seventy five percent men followers. Now I have fifty six percent sent women. Yes that's clear example of women supporting women. I love that and women need to support women. More say answer not hosted hosted at a party when everyone looks good and I really support willing. I know now who my real friends. Yes you do you learn. It's kind of crazy right. Yeah go through stuff like this so yeah. It's just like unbelievable but I mean like it's so it's insane that you went through this journey and you look the same like you really do your face. You didn't age. You didn't thank you know some people. I did go through Chemo and they get you know tired looking. whoa yeah exactly the same? You've looked the same since I've known you same for you. Literally saved his right now as long hair. But that's you look exactly the same as the little skinny thing guys. Please follow Amanda if you're not the following her already You need to follow her. Amanda Salis on Instagram which same thing on twitter. Amanda Salis that's S. A. L. A. S. not with to see if you're having trouble selling and Amanda spelled like normal off. Please go follow her. Send her some love You you know. Make sure t tell her. Thank you for being on this podcast and sharing her story. It means so much for letting me or I mean I wanted you to come on here and just talk about your journey because I'm like Oh this is a pike aspect the worst shit. You've ever been through. This is a everything else. Seems small now right it. Does it puts in perspective short as bad dates day. fucking bad shooting a your pants traffic traffic crapping having diarrhea in traffic by eight. Take any of it. Yeah over this any of that over this so guys please send her some love. Amanda thank you so much. Is there anything you want to shout out in particular on the podcast. Like any kind of your your the to charities giving Tuesdays coming up the end of the season if you need any last minute tax. Write off yes. I can't speak highly enough about the leukemia and Lymphoma Society so Leukemia Lymphoma Society is if you have a couple of dollars and you donate. Please feel free to do that. Thank you you're helping a lot of people are. I've met some these choice off some of the children. They're like broke my heart but honestly you're a warrior and I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to see you on Fox Guzm. Make sure to tune into Fox News News even if it's just for Amanda killing it and she's GonNa keep up with all her stuff in detail sir
109: Running with Beto
"Welcome to pure nonfiction the podcast interviewing documentary film-makers. I'm Tom powers. The documentary programmer of the Toronto international film festival, and the director of dock and y c. On this episode we discussed the film running with Beddoe names. Bechtol Rourke born and raised in El Paso, Texas here to represent the state of Texas in the United States Senate. Twenty-eight teen congressman better, aerobic ran against incumbent. Ted Cruz for Senate as a democrat in Texas, better was considered a long shot. He refused. Pac donations to focus on contributions from individual donors. He took left-wing positions on issues like immigration and gun control, but his speeches struck a nerve. Here's a question he took on the campaign trail that turned into a viral video I wanted to know if you've that just respectable NFL players kneeling during the national anthems. I find it incredibly frustrating that people seem to be okay with that. My short answer is no. I don't think it's disrespectful. Here's my longer. The Dems that we have with purchase, not just by those in uniform, and they definitely were, but also by those took their lives into their hands writing those greyhound buses, the freedom rights in the deep south in the nineteen six. They would be in the. He's full non violent protests, including taking a knee out of football game to point out that black men unarmed. Black teenagers on our and black children on aren't are being killed at a frightening level right now, including by members of law enforcement without accountability and without Justice film, captures a year of Beddoes campaign, and we watch as a political star is borne. We also see Beddoes interactions with the staff members sometimes writing them hard deputy campaign manager Cynthia kaneohe. And the twenty five year old communications director, Chris Evans, discuss Beddoes high expectations figured out done to your how to get did you get like a hundred nine emails in, like a day, and your responded hundred eight of them he will find the one person union response to doesn't take excuses ever say you never. You just can't heels at Uber. Newsouth just do. Running with Beddoe is now playing on HBO last week, filmaker David Modigliani presented a sneak preview at New York's metro graph theater. He was joined by three volunteers from Beddoes campaign, who appear prominently in the film Shannon gay comes from the center of Texas. She describes herself as neglectful about politics until she realized how much was at stake. I wouldn't have to bet on. And I told him I say, here's the deal, man, you better. Bring brains backbone a ball so the table or go home. And I told him I said, I'm going to be up your ass so much. I'll be able to tell you what you had for lunch. He said, that's as it should be. I want so desperately to hear him till ten cruise you pack your shit and get the fuck out of dodge because there's a new kid in town. And his name is bet. Myself. Mcclinton is a Houston high school student who became an activist around gun control after a local tragedy. Mrs disability becoming crazy about the truth is, are scared to go to school. Maybe you won't be in a school, maybe you'll be in a church like I was in twenty sixteen and gumming went on a shooting rampage with an air, fifteen right in front of my church while I was teaching finished with many, many toddlers. That's what I realized that this can happen anywhere. This fight will be long. It's proven difficult already but commit commit to never giving up. Amanda solace lives on the Mexican border and grew up Republican in a FOX TV household, but coming out as a lesbian, and watching the politics around immigration caused her to focus on Democrats, Texas officially about around state. You know, a lot of people didn't think that what's going to happen until twenty twenty if it ever happened. And we made it very clear that Texas is now competitive state. Our conversation starts with director David Modigliani later, he's joined by Amanda Marcel, Shannon. The discussion was moderated by doc and Weiss senior programmer Karen McMullan in front of a live audience. So David, you are a poet. Playwright. You know, the improv comedy troupe you do all sorts of things besides make films. You also play baseball in that factored into how this whole film came about the last credit before we switched to the to all the credit blocks. There was for the Texas playboys baseball club. I founding member of our sandlot baseball team. In Austin, we have friends that form teams and come play us sometimes. And so, in April of twenty seventeen lows the dough stale Paso showed up in Austin, and they had lanky center fielder with a name that I hadn't heard before who just so happen to be a US congressman, and he had announced that he was running for Senate about six weeks before. Then, so I was playing first base and he hit a single. We had a chance to chat a little bit. And I had been I think, especially since the twenty sixteen election, just feeling how acutely we dehumanize each other through politics? How disconnected that leaves us and how much that just causes people to just tune out and not be involved and was looking for a story that might review Moniz it in some way, make it feel acceptable. And so, during the seventh inning stretch though, jumped up on a hay bale and brushed his sweaty locks aside and dirty uniform, and it was very clear like this guy's movie star. But when, when he described the kind of campaign that he was going to run. That he was ready to take risks. And try something new that he was going to only take money from other human beings. Something that has become the default position essentially in the Democratic Party, which was not true even eighteen months ago that he was going to go to every county in Texas, including the most conservatives are going to have pollsters. He's going to run this transparent campaign that sounded like an odyssey that felt interesting and excessive oil and so few months after that had breakfast with him. And then in November of twenty seventeen we started shooting. So we shot for the last twelve months of the campaign. So transparency is a big thing. And trust obviously is a filmmaker. You need the trust of your subjects you spent a good amount of time on the road with him before the cameras started rolling. Can you talk about what it was like hanging out with Beto? Sure. Yeah. One of our producers, Greg, Dr a great insight, which was a filmmaker without a camera for a little while. Because when I first pitch. Bet though he was like, yeah. That sounds good. What should we start now like are we in his staff was like we're not gonna do this at all? And he was into it, but I think it is, I think fit documentary, filmmaker is entirely an exercise and trust. It's about creating an environment of trust about building a team that, that the preserves that trust and make subjects feel comfortable to welcome you into their most intimate moments and then trying to deliver that feeling of trust to, to an audience. So we had a chance, I think, to get to know one another to let them get to know me a little bit certainly when the campaign got more intense, there wasn't really room for any of that anymore, and it was hard. I mean with two months left in the campaign once that video went viral, once he really became the story of the mid terms, not only the national media, but also the international media showed up recruits from South Korea, and Australia and Japan that we're on the ground like in goalie. Texas. I mean it was it was it was my boggling and they were just this little group of three or four people that were besieged by the media, also just the well-wishers pushing food and cookies in the window, and it was just physically becomes a situation where where they were turning inward, and I was really worried like, are we going to get what we need to finish this film, and I had to have a sort of come to Jesus Email to the Tibet tone, Amy and the senior staff. Like I think we could make something special here in less. This goes from behind the scenes to outside looking in and it's a real testament to them to the transparency and trust that they had. I think exemplified in election night that they would welcome us into the kitchen in this most vulnerable moment, when what they had been working for and sacrificing as a family for two years had not gone their way. That was a moment that I will will never forget is completely a testament to, to, to them into you is a filmmaker for capturing that intimacy. It's very warm film. It's not just a film about politics but is very human. But that said, was there any were there any moments during the first getting to know you period that you wish you had a camera. Oh, I think we got it all. I mean there were deeply does came back to Austin for another baseball game. And of course, I was like, Rachel, we need seven cameras at the shoe, we need drones. Like we've really shot the shit out of that baseball game. And it is not in this movie, but we are going to have a little extra. That's going to come out. They used to tell directors. It'll be in the DVD extras, like it's okay let's just, you know, now there's like, but we're going to do a digital thing. So it'll be good. That's the only thing I'm sad isn't in the movies. More baseball. One of the journeys. What's a couple times now in your first scenes, there's just like six viewers at the beginning, and then fast forward until when the viral video takes place? That amount of that rise that celebrity that rags to riches story that, you know, being anonymous to all that fame is like a test of one's character, you know. Did you see him? I mean, can you talk about how he was able to maintain his integrity or if you saw shift in his disposition over the course of the filming? This is a great. I mean remarkably he really stayed the same person he contains paradoxes certainly I think is able to both find joy in what he's doing like blasting the Ramones in the car and scarfing down tacos, but also to feel acutely that our democracy is in the state of crisis and is able to somehow balance those things he was able to be speeding not in the film. We got pulled over twice once going, ninety seven miles an hour and just racing to get to the next place. And then when he was there to make every person in that town feel like he had all afternoon with them. And he was able to hold on to a lot of that. I think keeping the staff small was so important to him to not have anyone that was gonna try to talk him out of being who he was, and how he how. How he wanted to be and. I think he he, he really knew he was at the beginning. And I think that's the gift of choosing to. Be part of this brand of politics to be candid to, to, to make the gamble that having being being candid, sort of convictions, over convenience like I'm going to say what I really think, and I'm going to bet that if I agree with this seventy percent over here. We disagree about thirty percent but I should you straight about that. Maybe you'll come across for me. I mean, his positions are, are fundamentally out of step. If you had Texans take a survey on a series of issues. I mean he is further left than Texas. But he connected with people because he was so thoroughly himself. So as we know your one of your idols DA penta makers here and I read that one of the films that inspired, you was his iconic film about Bob Dylan. Don't look back, which had nothing to do with politics. But yet had an effect on you can you talk about that. Thanks for bringing that up the bear, and Chris hedges, of course, made the incredible film the. War room, which which was really one of the first films to, to turn the camera away from the candidate and to and to look at some of the other people that were that are involved in a campaign, and certainly that was part of our inspiration to turn away from bet and his family and include these amazing folks, but yet don't look back. I mean ninety late mid nineteen sixties, Bob Dylan and his first tour of the UK that film, just the cinema verite nature of it. I think it just to, we tried to create an immersive experience that made you feel like you were you were part of this. And to think, in that film, you have sort of this truth teller, that is setting the world on fire by doing things differently, and his has to navigate that experience of fame just sort of blowing up overnight, and they did such an amazing job. They made their own cameras. I had never used a camera before I had had the privilege of working with great cinematographers in the past and it. Came very clear that to get the kind of intimacy that you see in a film, like, don't look back. I was going to have to shoot some of this. So took some inspiration of trying things for the first time I was like if they can do it. And if you know, Chris Evans is a twenty five year old communications director, and, you know, we can all try some new stuff. So. Was just very inspired by that particular film for this. Yeah. Is there a sense? I mean, there's hope that Texas's veering little bit more to blue to feel like that's happening. And you feel like his campaign had anything to do with that, if so I think he would be the first person to say that he was a vessel for the energy that is in the state of Texas. He he was. Created a campaign that people could fill with, with their energy, in the real political reawakening that was happening in this state. And I'm gonna just because this is this is a perfect moment to do it. I wanna welcome up some very special people. So the people at the heart of this film, Shannon gay come on come on up here. This is the film, that's about them. Mr. Marcel mcclinton. And Amanda solace of you guys. An audience, member asks David to describe the emotional ups and downs of following Beddoes campaign. I think we tried to make like an intimate epic, where you feel these small intimate moments in emotions in there as well as, like just sort of the huge moments in a state, that is bigger than France. I think I've been thinking about this. We screen, you know, we've had the chance in the last couple of weeks to screen this film in different places. And I think the push and the twenty eighteen midterms was emotionally fucking exhausting and the crisis and our democracy has only gotten worse, and it's about, it's sort of time now for everyone to rededicate themselves and allow themselves to be vulnerable and believe in something bigger and work for it again. And when I was watching these guys tonight. I mean, that, that makes me Marcellin we're talking on Friday, and he said, this thing is like it's time to be all in again. And I think emotionally we track the exhaustion of that emotion in the ups and downs like you say, but I think these folks, especially at the end of the film, helpless, feel like this is the beginning of something and not the end of something. And so, I think that's why we're excited for this film to be out on HBO and to reach people. Kind of in this moment in as we get ready for the stretch. Dive of this next twenty twenty election, not the presidential election per se, but the state and local elections as well that we know mean so much. Do you guys want to talk about your emotional experience? Here's Amanda salis. The roller coaster is real, and even reflecting it's still really emotional for for all of us. But I think for me, the reason why it was so motion is because the place that I live in doesn't get the type of coverage that it should be getting all the time. And so when these crises were happening, we'd have hordes of national media, and these national organizations going down to the run valley and taking a lead and creating their own narratives. And then when the crises were done, they'd leave. And so like for me who's a native there. That's great. We're getting national tensions. Not the right narrative, we like it, but we're getting attention we're getting some funds, and then they leave, and you're just we gotta keep doing the work because everybody else left and those are real things that happen all the time. I know that they happened in our communities all the time. So the roller coaster of this is absolutely accurate. The way that I was feeling in the whole twelve months. I mean there were times when. When we would find out that like with battleground Texas, we registered fifty thousand people in Texas, and we were super excited. And then we'd find out that like on, on during early vote, you know what the what the margin was before election day. And so, there really was that get excited, we're almost almost there and then like something would just knock you back on your ass, again, the reality of things Marcel, the high school student describes his experience for me. Our whole egg movements goal was to push young turn out in the state, Texas was was dead last in the nation for voter turn out. And so it was quite think after election damning on election day we all the hotel and kind of just cried and let ourselves. Go and kind of also hoped we would go, but I think the next day you kinda Tanna check in and look at how many how many seats across the state, we're one because of Beddoes just how increased turn out on the state, the fact that we weren't last anymore. The fact that young folks, did turn out this, this astronaut astronauts, I can't say the word crazy rate. Yes, mean it was it was cool. It was it's sad. But it's also really exciting to see Texas on track to just flip. And also being a part of that is really, really cool. Now, Shannon gay. I'm a personal faith, believe it or not spider, my trash mouth. I teach Sunday school. But on election night, it was it was I had. If any of you are people have faith, you'll know what that peace that surpasses all understanding. I had it that night I had it that because I communicated to our other ambassadors, beco- didn't lose shit this young man added another degree tilt to this entire planet. Okay. He changed the entire political landscape. Okay. But I had this feeling in my heart that just be still something better is coming. I had Garrett Garrett Hage from MSNBC ask us at an event you think he's gonna run again. I said fuck. No. We watched him lose thirty pounds. I took a picture of him the back of him and have no ask, and I sent it to Cynthia said, you need to take him to golden corral, and let him get his freak on, because he doesn't have anything there hold his pants up. And there was heartbreaking. And so when you guys see the part where he's fussing at Cynthia. In Austin, I wanted to turn around and bitch slapping, because we have physically put him in the car strapped him in only to have somebody come up and get one more picture. When more picture in cynthia's, having a grand mal seizure in the passenger side going to please he gets out. That's five more people. Twenty minutes off schedule. So when he's fussing at her. Nightmare. You hemorrhoids, why do you do that because he is just exactly what you see? But I have the sense of peace in, then he comes back and says, you run for president God. But so I had a great deal of comforting that because like I said he's, he's the one he's the one he's the one we've been waiting for so. We did remind US about moments penny weekend. David, we cut that he did in that tunnel after the speech that he gave on election night. And he's hugging. Molly, he did he was showing his brother-in-law his belt, which had run out of holes. And then he had made a new hole on the belt himself. So that, that is true. By the way, we are producing team has received two emails from real Hollywood talent agents enquiring about Shannon and her availability for ongoing projects. So. An audience member asked the bed Oberlin tears, one outsider should know about progressives in Texas asked myself as a lot also is like, is it really worth a lot of these a lot of progressive Texans like to stay in Texas. Or what do we have a much easier time moving, right? And just living in California living in New York, and knowing that our lawmakers, like, really do staying with what we what would fight for. And I decided that, that I would much rather be a part of the change, and the fight to, to, to change Texas than than just have easy myself and move somewhere and in have elected officials at stand with me, right? I think that finding those people in our, in our in our deep, red state when we live in cities, that are blueberries in this big tomato soup, I think that finding these folks in these in these various cities is going to be it's just cool to, to see them finally empowered finally have a voice, and that I mean, Texas is not a red state. I refused to, to say that or acknowledge it, Texas is Texas, Texas is a purple state. I'll say it's a better state to, but Texas is it really and truly like on the verge of changing, and you can feel it everywhere that you go in, Texas, you drive places. I saw so many damn Beto signs when when I was driving around last year. It was really really finan phenomenon say any words today a late night. Say. So I think for me the reason I stick in Texas. Besides the fact that it's home. I mean culturally, we're from about seven miles north of the Mexican border had my first birthday party like at a park on the river. I think for me, it's because Texas has been asleep for very long time. And it's not their fault. They've been asleep. And that's one thing that I think people outside of Texas don't understand. They think like oh, we are fiftieth in voter turnout. I think after the midterms we went to forty third but I haven't been able to buy that. I think it's still forty seventh but. We getting people to turn out to vote at like fifteen to seventeen percent in some in some areas, and that's normal. And it has nothing to do with the value of the people there and has nothing to do with their culture. It has nothing to do with the humans that they aren't has to do with the oppression that has been there for generations. And I don't think people that grow up outside of Texas are aware of that whatsoever. The place where I live, I live six to seven miles north of the Mexican border but about an hour and a half above that. There's the city this little city town called L three Texas. And there is a checkpoint and I don't know if any of y'all know what that is. But that is a place where the federal government has an unconstitutional station where you have to drive your car through, and they have to ask you, if you're a citizen to get past it, I'm not going from ExCo to another country. So because that exists in the Ron valley, a lot of people get trapped in the Rogun valley. They don't go any. They don't go back in Mexico because they won't come back and they don't go further north because they'll get. We'll get sent to Mexico or another country and that leaves a lot of the culture there. Stunted. My grandmother was undocumented for quite a few. She didn't become a citizen till I was like seven years old. But that kind of metality of my grandmother, my mother, I might get taken away is a real thing. And there's a lot of people that whether they are, whether they themselves are at risk, somebody that they know is at risk, and it's not like, oh my dentist. No. Like their best friend at school. A lot of their friends at school. Don't will never tell them that they are undocumented or that their family is in documented, but those are real factors. And I think that because Texas gets labeled as a red state, it's not a red state. It's a nonvoting state. I think because we get labeled as Cowboys and big Texas. And whatever people people forget that they're humans there that have not been given the privilege to be educated, about community involvement. It is it is an absolute. Privilege to well in tier, and not a lot of people realize that back home people are too busy, working three to four jobs to make ends meet. So there's no time to your so forget voting. I don't have time to vote on time to register. We were I was just up in Austin of little while ago, fighting more voter suppression laws, two thousand nineteen and we're still fighting this stuff. And so I just really want for y'all to know it has nothing to do with people being uneducated or backwards or anything like that. We have been oppressed for generations. And just like I said, they're the reason why people don't vote is because they think they don't have to bet though said about the democratic establishment is absolutely right. He said, we all live in blue blueberries in a big red tomato soup. That's absolutely true. The Democrats that are that are down in my area. They're not they're not working for my community, but it's a blue area, the same thing, where the same thing where you from. And so I can guarantee that, if you take the time, if anybody outside of Texas takes time to get to know some of the different cultures that are in Texas, some of the different people, you will see that there's absolute value in investing in Texas. Texas is going to be ground zero for not just twenty twenty but for everything. And here's a fact, here's a true fact if an Trewin. If we can. So there's enough not that I believe in the electoral college, but there's enough electoral votes in California, and New York that if we get control of Texas, those three states can pick our president every single election. Those a true fact and the county that I'm from is the seventh most populated county in the state, and we don't vote like it. And so that was something that I made, sure I told every single student when I went to register them to vote that we need to know we have power, but we have no idea that we have power. And so I think that it's, it's, it's in your best interest to get involved in Texas to be really honest. I really think. Thank filmmaker David Modigliani, and the Beddoe campaign volunteers. Amanda, salis Marcel mcclinton and Shannon gay, you can watch their film running with Beddoe on HBO. Thanks to moderator, Karen McMullan, and tour team series, producer and inordinate swan and web designer cross strategy theme music is composed by Andre Williams who passed away in March at age eighty to our executive producer is Rafael and they house. You can follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and pure nonfiction. I'm Tom powers. You can follow me on Twitter at T. H M powers pure, nonfiction is distributed by the tiff podcast network. You can read our show notes. Learn about live events and sign up for our newsletter at pure non fiction dot net.