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A highlight from Weird, Worrying Behaviors That Our Child Keeps Repeating

Janet Lansbury Podcast

01:36 min | 2 d ago

A highlight from Weird, Worrying Behaviors That Our Child Keeps Repeating

"Today is an interesting one for me. I have three different messages I received from parents with issues that, on the surface, they seem totally different from each other. But there's actually a running theme in them and actually many of the challenges that we face as parents come under these headings. Our children's behavior makes us uncomfortable. Confused or at least a little unsure or uncertain. And that little rise that children pick up, coming from us. It could just be the slightest raised eyebrow with some more sensitive children. It has this way of captivating children. Holding their curiosity, and it can become a sticky place that they, on some level, need to keep exploring with us. Why do I have this power to throw this parent who is God like to me, off balance? And I actually received many questions from parents that come under these categories, but I've chosen just a few that came in recently. And I really hope that these themes I bring up can help parents with all kinds of different specific issues that stem from this sense of children get of getting a rise out of us and how they need to explore that. Here's a quick true story. My daughter, she just moved to a new town for work and didn't know a soul. She was exhausted from the move, physically run down, and what do you know?

A highlight from 104: How Do I Support My LGBTQ+ Daughter?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?

04:36 min | 2 d ago

A highlight from 104: How Do I Support My LGBTQ+ Daughter?

"One of my favorite things about this podcast is that we talk about things that might not necessarily affect your own child, but it creates awareness for your community and how you can deal with things, but there's a lot of people grappling with this about how to support a child who comes out as being gay. Yeah, no, this is something that is part of family life for a lot of families and it's something that you want to do a really good job with as a parent. It's such an important issue to talk about because even if your child isn't going through it, like I said, it really helps to know what other parents are dealing with. And what works to support other families. So this is a letter we got, Lisa, it says, my amazing 13 year old girl confided in me that she's bi, maybe lesbian and has a crush on a girl. I told her that, of course, I support her 100% no matter what. And that I'm so glad she felt comfortable enough to tell me. She does not want to tell her father or anyone else in the family yet. She's not as close to her dad as she is with me, though I'm completely confident he will be equally supportive. However, this is new territory for me and I'm finding myself at a loss as I navigate things like talking to her about sex and making roles for sleepovers. For example, she's always loved having sleepovers with her girlfriends and now I'm not sure if this changes anything. How do I talk to her about sex? If I know little about same sex relationships or sexual intercourse. We also live in a rural, somewhat conservative community we're coming out is a different kind of proposition than it is if we lived in the city. There aren't a lot of local resources available for either of us. And I'm of course worried about the social and even safety implications for her. What advice can you give me? As I do my best to support her. Thank you so much for your podcast and all the incredible advice you give. I feel so emotional reading this. What this mom is going through. I do not think I'd be this emotional, but wow. Well, and as I listen, I'm like, I can't believe the letters we get. Like I actually, like, that people are so thoughtful and really, in some ways, they make our job so easy because the thinking that goes into what they're sharing with us is spectacular. Absolutely. I just remarkable. Well, kudos first off to this mom for writing because you realize how under resourced. And this is why you started in this podcast, Lisa. You wanted to democratize mental health. Yes. Okay, I'm going to pull it together because this is okay. It's important. You got it. We can do it I know. Thank you. Well, first off, I want to start with, what is your advice from the get go for this mom? And she's dealing with so many issues. Well, I can tell from this letter her instincts are fabulous, and she's already done all the right things that I would recommend. You know, she has taken it in stride. She's made it clear that she is supportive she's made it clear that she will work with her daughter to try to make sense of this. But she's also seeking help, right? She is asking around and actually one of the things I really love about our podcast and you're right. Like I really wanted to make mental health content more available to more people, but also make it so people could ask questions that can't ask their neighbor, right? I think about their friends. Yeah, the mom in this letter, you know, she's telling us, this isn't something I can advertise in my community. So it means the world to me that she felt she could turn to us for some help. So what I would say is when kids bring up questions like this, follow this mom's lead. You know, it seems like she's been so kind and supportive and really open to singing this as a process and a journey and something that they're going to sort through over time. She's asking us questions about what that journey might look like. That's so good because whenever I have a problem like let's blow through this, let's get this knocked out and move this behind us. But you're saying you've got to start with the mindset. This is a process. This is going to take a while and it's not going to get resolved quickly. Absolutely. And one of the metaphors actually that comes up in my new book around kids and sexual orientation and gender identity is they are in the driver's seat and you are along for the ride. You can not tell your kid what their sexual orientation is going to be. You can not tell your kid what their gender identity is going to be. But you want a nice spot in that passenger seat where you have an ongoing working relationship as your child figures out where this orientation or gender car is headed. You are along for the ride you want to be a great co-pilot. So starve in the beginning, Lisa, your child comes forward and finally has the courage to tell you, mom, I might be gay or bi. How should a parent respond? Well, I love that you, in

Lisa
A highlight from How to Help ADHD Kids - Seth Perler [386]

Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness

08:10 min | 2 d ago

A highlight from How to Help ADHD Kids - Seth Perler [386]

"Student? Yeah, so in my bio, I write about that. And what I had done is I was at my parents house a couple years ago and my mom pulls out this old file and it has all these old report cards in it. And we were looking over them laughing and everything. But it's a daydreamer, lazy doesn't try and motivate it and all of these things. And what's so interesting is that those are the messages that I hear. So often in 2022, in this day and age, from the families that I work with, that they're still getting those same messages. Their kids are still getting those messages. So that's so frustrating. There's still so much ignorance about it. And in fact, I was just talking to somebody else last week, another podcast podcaster who was saying how they just went through something and just how astounding it is that these things are still so prevalent. But my childhood as far as this stuff is concerned. First of all, I was adopted. Into this fantastic family who did not understand ADHD, no, I had ADHD or executive function challengers or anything. But in first grade was when it first started getting the messages. And they were basically what you were saying on motivated doesn't try. They were gentler at younger ages and then as they got more into middle school it was more they were more critical, but they're all those sorts of messages. And for me, I really did start to internalize those messages. And what happened to me as I became a teenager is my narrative was I'm just a lazy failure. Now we all have an inner critic and our inner critics say different things, but the one that might defaulted to is I'm just a lazy failure and I know now after looking at it that that was such a convenient one for me to just say, oh, well, I can't do anything right. I'm not even going to try and it was a way for me to get pity and get people off my back. That's kind of how I use. I mean, I would use different messages, but that was my biggest inner critic voice. I'm just a lazy failure. And so I really internalized that shame. I became very depressed, anxious. But if you were to look at me, I was a free spirited happy kid. But inside, when I'm an expert inside, when I was alone, by myself, in my own thoughts, it was a dark place. There was a lot of inner critic, a lot of I can't do anything right. I'm never going to be able to figure this out. I'm never going to be able to do anything with my life. And a lot of self hatred and very cruel self talk. So that's kind of, you know, and then again, vacillated between this kid who had so much wonder so much creativity so playful love human beings love animals like I was out in the world in a way where I love connecting with people. So I think that also a lot of the disabilities that people have are invisible. And that was certainly for me. One of them is that I really looked like a happy person in terms of that. When I was with people, I really probably was having a great time and really engaged and really living in a lot of my strengths. But in my own mind, in my story about my worth as a human being, it was pretty this one. I can really relate to what you're saying about the extrovert being engaged thing. Did you feel like you were on a roller coaster emotionally? Because at least for me, I don't identify as ADHD in any way or shape or form, but as a highly sensitive person and extra, I was always like, when I was with people, so on, I had so much enthusiasm and just so engaged by life, and doing all the things. And then I can really relate to that, then there would be like a deep dive, a lot of times when I was moments on my own that would happen to me sort of my pre my meditation practice. I mean, that was a big piece for me, was that that roller coaster Ness. Does that sound like something that was there for you? I was on a roller coaster, but I don't know that I felt like I was on a roller coaster because when it was dark, it felt like that was never going to end. I was going to feel like that forever. And when it was good, I almost didn't notice that time went by so fast. And so it's not like I was self aware enough to reflect and be like, oh, I'm on a roller coaster. It was just like whatever I was in in the moment. Was there forever? Was where I was at? I was always. And I think that might be related to some of my executive function stuff in terms of part of executive function is reflection and self awareness and metacognition. And while I was a really introspective person in a lot of ways, in some ways, like in this way, I wasn't reflective enough to back up and zoom out and be like, oh, I'm going to roller coaster. It was just like, when I was in the moment, it was like, oh my gosh, life sucks. People suck. Everything sucks. The world or will place. And it's just getting worse. And it just felt like that would never end. And then, again, I kind of missed that. And I think that one of the practices of my life today, you alluded to meditation and mindfulness, but to enjoy how good something is when it's good. Is like a practice I work on actively today. It's a really notice how amazing things are when they are. Yeah, yeah, 'cause then we also have our negativity bias, right? That's like a focusing on the things that are negative. And you talk in your bio, you talk about how you turned it around like things got pretty bad. High school, you were living with your parents, and it wasn't good. And you talked about asking for help. I'd love it if you could just dive a little deeper into this like how you turn that around for yourself. Yeah, I guess for me, I almost failed out of high school. I went into college on probation during summer program, then I failed out of college. I went to another college. I went to live with my grandma. And got into a community college, failed out of that college, and I just really was just, and the only reason I went to college was because I thought I was supposed to and to get away from my parents and my parents are great. Don't get me wrong, but, you know, I wanted to be an adult. And I did not have the skills to be an adult, but I think for me, I became so hopeless, and I just reached a point where I was like, you know what? I'm going to give life a try. I mean, I'd gone through this multiple times. So I was like, I want to give life a try again. I want to really see what I'm made of. And I need help. And I don't know how I realized I needed help. Except that I was in a lot of pain and I didn't know how to change. And I always acted like I knew all the answers and stuff. And for the first time, I was like, I don't know anything. I can't trust myself when I think I know the answer is I don't, I really don't. And I don't even know what I'm lying to myself. At that point, I was like, I'm going to ask for help. And I really just started learning the I'll say skills of asking for help. And I was just like, I'm willing to ask anybody and just I'm not ashamed of it. And just be like, hey, will you please tell me? And whether or not I get it, I'm going to ask. And I'm like that to this day, it's almost comical in my personal life. People will know me really well, but I'll ask for what I want slash need and shamelessly today. And not necessarily tactfully. But I will ask for what I want. And that's where I learned it is I was like, will you help me? And we help me more, and will you help me more? I'm really, I guess not just asking for it, but learning to receive it. This part of that. Okay, thank you. I'll receive the help. I'll really take that into consideration. One of my saving grace is that when I would hear when people would try to help me at this point in my life and I would hear something that I didn't like from them. And my nervous system I couldn't articulate this then, but my nervous system would get agitated and I'd go in a fight fight or freeze or whatever. One of my saving graces was when I re regulated

Adhd
A highlight from Trying to Be Everything

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

07:07 min | 2 d ago

A highlight from Trying to Be Everything

"I'm doctor Becky, and this is good inside. Here's something I hear a lot from parents. I want to give my kids everything. Or I want to be everything to my kids. It is sort of a deeper fear on some level that I'm depriving our children of something. When I know in my heart that two loving parents who are so devoted to them, they're lucky to have that with us. I don't think I'm depriving them, but I guess there's this sort of underlying fear that I don't address often about how can I address if there is something lacking in their lives? How do I address that? And in this case, is it that there isn't a woman every day there for them? I recently sat down with two dads of twin toddlers. To talk about their concerns, about making sure their kids have meaningful relationships with women. About helping them understand that they don't have a mother. And about being prepared for the tricky questions that will inevitably come their way. Here's what's interesting. And I think applies to all of us. What our conversation ended up really centering on. Is reframing the limitations we have with our kids. And rethinking the idea. Of being everything to anyone. We'll be right back. Let's talk about play. I know, I know. As parents, we are exhausted and overwhelmed and thinking about playing with our kids can feel more stressful than fun. I get it and I've been there. Good parents find it hard to play with their kids. This is exactly what the play kits by love every were made for. They tap into what your child is hungry to learn and provide play ideas and activities for parents. So you can have those great connected moments with your kids. The ones we all want more of. Designed by child development experts for kids ages zero to four, each plait comes with stage based toys for your child and a play guide for you, with ideas about how to use the toys to play with your kids. The plaits by love every are game changers. For you and your kids. Go to love every dot com to learn more. That's LOVE, VE RY dot com. Hi Jeremiah hi Pierre. Hi. Hi, doctor Becky. It is really nice to meet both of you. And looking forward to getting to know you. So tell me a little bit about the two of you, your family, and the topic that's on your mind that you want to discuss. Sure. I'll go first. So we are two dads. And we have two and a half year old twins. And they were born or conceived through surrogacy. And the reason why I'm mentioning this is that in the concept of surrogacy, unlike an adoption, you really don't have a mother at all. You have a carrier, as opposed to a birth mother, and you have an egg donor as opposed to a biological mother. This being said, we've not ignored the concept of mothers and over the past two years, obviously, we have read tons of books with mothers and sex songs with mothers, although I should say we sometimes do liberty of changing a word here and there from mummy and daddy to deadly and pepper. I should tell you that I am papa, obviously, the French man is papa and generally study. And last point of context is that the kids started preschool. It tooth program really in September. That same month, we noticed that our daughter was playing with her dolls. And two interesting things happened. One is that you referred to yourself as mama, which I found interesting because she had a little exposure to actual moms in the past, except in books. And second is that she made the following statement, which I still remember verbatim and I remember where I was and which dolce was playing with. She said, oh, you fail, you have a boo boo, you're crying. You need your mama. And at that point, I fell ill equipped to say anything. I think I stuttered something along the lines of well if your dog is crying, she can go see papa as well. But I failed almost embarrassed not to know exactly what to what to tell her. And I think that was a clear indication that the question of where her mother is is coming. Soon, probably sooner than what I expected. And to me that question could either come from her to us at home or maybe at school from a classmate and that's something that maybe worries me a little or more because I want to make sure that she has all the tools to feel confident in the answer that she will give when asked that the very question at school. So first of all, thank you for so vividly and thoughtfully painting that picture. And so there's so many things I want to ask you about. But Pierre, what was it like for you? When she said that. And maybe I'll also lead in question. Was it injurious in a way? It was because my worry was that she had articulated that thought in her mind that the boo boo required mama to feel better to heal. Yeah. Whereas, you know, I just say we had given her all the comfort that she needed in the past. So worried my first question, why? Why would you associate healing with a mother? Yeah. And actually, I think this will probably be a theme in what we talk about or maybe will be something the two of you can carry after we talk. Is when moments happen with one of your kids. And what you said was helpful almost writing down verbatim what they say. That's almost good. And then with each other, actually being really honest about like, what does it feel like she's saying? Even if it's like, that's crazy. I know she didn't say that, because in this situation, and you can tell me if I'm off, I could understand if it feels like she's saying, you have not given me the person I am supposed to go to for comfort and love in a time of injury. You are messing me up. You have failed. You are not that person. There's some version of that that it can feel like a kid is saying. And I don't know, is any of that? Is any of that resonating? I don't know. I don't know whether I will go that far. That's really the worry, right? And by the way, I know usually recommend not fast forwarding too much, but I can't help thinking. What's it going to be like? Yeah, father, where does my mother give me a mother? So all that will, I think, crystallize. I wasn't thinking about that precisely in that moment, but this sort of fear is

Becky Jeremiah Hi Pierre Dolce Pierre
A highlight from Episode 190 -"Finding Hope After One Teens Suicide Attempt: What Every Parent Needs to Hear" Guest: Emma Benoit

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

08:03 min | 2 d ago

A highlight from Episode 190 -"Finding Hope After One Teens Suicide Attempt: What Every Parent Needs to Hear" Guest: Emma Benoit

"Parents in this episode we cover a sensitive topic that deals with suicide. And the program is intended for mature audiences only. Have you ever worried about the possibility that your child would consider suicide? Well, if you're like any parent in America, of course you do. Depression, anxiety, have risen in the U.S. and this is an issue that's on all of our minds. Well, that's why I decided to interview a fascinating gal. Her name is Emma Benoit. And my tried and failed to commit suicide and is here to talk about what goes on in the mind of a depressed teen and how parents can help. When Emma attempted suicide and failed, she was a junior in high school. Her story is painful, but it's one that every parent needs to hear. Let's jump into my interview with Emma. Well, Emma, thank you so much for joining me on my podcast today. Your stories remarkable. When you were a junior in high school, you started experience some problems that led up to a suicide attempt before your senior year. Can you take us back to junior year and what was happening in your life or how you were feeling? Yeah, so prior to my high school experience, when I was in elementary and middle school even, I was really insecure, very self conscious, very not self aware, and just very much in my head all the time as a young kid. And growing up with these kind of issues as a young kid not knowing how to express myself, not really understanding my feelings. I grew up thinking that the best way to handle my feelings and the things that bothered me was to push them down and just kind of tuck them away. And so I grew up doing that with myself with my feelings. Anytime something would be bothering me or burdening me or I would have a heavy feeling or a big feeling, I would tuck it away, push it down. And so naturally, as I got older, you know, problems became bigger as I became bigger. And those feelings grew with me. And never really knowing what to do with them. When I got to high school, I was really caught in a state of depression and not really understanding why I felt so bad and why I felt so sad. But looking back in hindsight, it was because of the years worth of not expressing myself, not indulging on my feelings, not being open and expressing my vulnerabilities with people that kind of culminated and led me to feeling so depressed. My junior year of high school. Did you recognize you were depressed? Not at all. I came from an area where mental health was not talked about and furthermore, kind of stigmatized. The idea that I had of depression and what it looked like, did not align with my reality and what my feelings were. So I didn't, I didn't associate my mental and emotional pain with being depression. So you carried a loan. Did your parents have any clues that you were really struggling underneath? There were definitely warning signs looking back in hindsight that went missed. One of the biggest warning signs was the fact that I didn't try out for cheerleading prior to not trying out my senior year cheerleading had been my biggest passion. It was the thing that always brought me joy. I was constantly excited to go to practice. I loved my sport and I loved my team. And I loved being a part of that environment and community. And my depression had gotten so bad that I completely lost the passion and the desire and the drive to participate. So I didn't try out. And looking back, obviously, hindsight, that was definitely a big, big red flag. Another huge red flag that is pretty typical amongst teens and it was very true for myself and my experience is just overall character shifts. I think it's important to kind of know what is baseline based level character behavior for a person and a young person. And I definitely was not acting on my baseline character. I was very easily angered, my tolerance for frustration was extremely low. I was just like a short fuse. And that was not true to my character. Did your parents see that shift too? Did they ask you, hey, why aren't you trying out for cheerleading? They did see some shifts and they did ask me questions as to why I wasn't trying out. But I think coming from an environment where you my parents didn't know to be looking for these things. They did not have the knowledge that something that bad was going on within me. So I guess their frame of questions weren't really landing with me. So the questions that they were asking me, I wasn't receiving, therefore, I wasn't going to open up. I felt like, and I know a lot of young people feel this way with their parents. And it just is the way that the dynamic is, but I kind of felt like my parents were not concerned about me. They were just concerned about where I was at in life and where I was going and the progress I was making. Obviously, again, in hindsight, that was not the case, but the way I was perceiving it, that's just the way I felt. So when I was approached with questions like, what's going on? You're not yourself. Can we help you? Is there something going on? I would put up a wall of defense. Like I said, because I don't think that they were landing based on how I was perceiving it. You know, I think that parents often miss the boat and I'm talking about myself as well. Because we focus so much on how well our kids are doing in school and cheerleading in this and that, and we tend to put too much of our focus on that rather than sort of looking into the kid and going, wow, you know, I'm sensing there's something really going on with you. Let's just sort of sit back and sit down here and try to figure it out. So what would you say to a parent listening who thinks she was maybe my teen is depressed? What are the questions they should ask that would land? First and foremost, I would say, open up the conversation in a comfortable way. It's really uncomfortable for a young person to be expressive with their feelings. It just is. It's unnatural. There's no rule book on it. So going into the conversation with that frame of mind knowing that it's going to be uncomfortable, knowing that it's going to be difficult. And it very well may trigger emotions in you. And just having that idea that it's not an easy conversation to have, if you suspect your young one is struggling, but ultimately the best approach is one of compassion and empathy. And don't feel parents. It's crucial for you to know. You don't have to fix the problem. I know I can only imagine I'm not a parent yet, but I can only imagine how much hurt that brings to you to see your young one hurting. And I can assume that you just want to rush and coddle and fix the problem. But ultimately, that's going to do more damage than it is going to help. Because the problem with feelings is they need to be felt. They need to be felt. They need to have a space to be felt and to really just feel and express and get it all out without coming in and saying, well, how can we fix this? How can you feel better? So that's the biggest thing. It's just knowing that it's not going to be easy and don't feel like you have to fix the problem. The best thing to do is just sit there and listen, open up your ear and fully listen to receive instead of

Emma Emma Benoit Depression America
A highlight from Worn Down by a Toddler's Screaming, Testing, and Demands

Janet Lansbury Podcast

01:24 min | Last week

A highlight from Worn Down by a Toddler's Screaming, Testing, and Demands

"Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to unruffled. This week I'm responding to a parent who reacted to an article of mine that I reposted recently called set limits without yelling. She has a two and a half year old and the child seems to be constantly testing her and this parents struggling to keep a cool head. So just to give you a sense of this article, if you haven't read it, I discussed what I call some common discipline missteps. And by missteps, I don't mean we're terrible parents or we're doing these terribly wrong things. It's simply means that these are things we do. Because we think they're going to help, but they actually get in our own way because they tend to exacerbate and maybe intensify our children's concerning behavior. Now these are normal things that we all do. So there's no judgment here, but it will help us to notice that these can set us up for more problems, so it's good to get a handle on them. One is yelling, two is not sitting limits early enough, which often leads to us yelling or feeling like yelling. Three were not following through, which can also lead us

Janet Lansbury
A highlight from 103: How Do I Talk My Teen Out of Vaping?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?

07:50 min | Last week

A highlight from 103: How Do I Talk My Teen Out of Vaping?

"You know, we talk a lot about drug use, alcohol use, and then there's vaping. And we decided to sort of dig right into this after we got this letter and it says, dear doctor d'amore, I've been an avid follower and listener to your podcast and truly appreciate everything you share. My almost 13 year old daughter recently started vaping with some of her friends. We talked to her the first time we found out about the dangers of vaping, and she promised not to do it again. But she did. What's your advice here? Vaping is everywhere around her school, Friends. Even her soccer team, we've suggested things that she could say when someone offers it to her, but I don't think that's working. She's easily influenced by her peers. Thank you for any advice. And thank you for all that you do. You know, you brought this up when we saw this in our inbox. We should do an episode of vape. I'm like, really? Is this a big deal? Is it a big deal? It is a big deal. It is surprisingly common we have data showing that lots of teens and tweens vape, and one of the things that's especially concerning is that you see it in middle school, right? I mean, we don't want to see it at any age. But 13 is usually 8th grade and we are seeing that there are significant percentages of tweens and also teens who try vaping and then a significant percent who'd become addicted to nicotine and keep things. So why do you think you're seeing this uptick in middle schoolers doing it? Well, there's so many forces at play, and this is a vaping has a very long and complex even legal history. But, you know, of course, just to put it in context, vaping was originally developed as an alternative to smoking for people who were addicted to nicotine. So there was actually and there remains for some people, there's a good use of vaping, because what we know is on balance, if you were smoking cigarettes and you convert from smoking cigarettes to smoking, vape pen using getting nicotine that way, it's less bad for your health. You know, you don't have all of the combustible stuff that you're inhaling when you're smoking tobacco. So that's where vaping started. But what happened? And this is really shady. Is that the companies who are making vapes realized that if we make these in fruity flavors, if we give them kind of cool packaging, we can actually get an entire generation of people who've never been anywhere near cigarettes. To take an interest in these, to try these, and then bluntly to become addicted to these. And it's working, right? It's totally worth it. And you want to remind me, Lisa, when I was in the Middle East as a correspondent, hookah pipes. You know, they're just, they're just different scented flavored tobacco. And it just feels better than the cigarette. It does, and it's so imagine being, right? The 6th grader or 7th grader, and this thing is bubblegum flavored or mango flavored or German chocolate cake flavored, it has this element of safety. It has this element of being okay, it may even be like fun, tastes good. I mean, there may be sort of a joy in that. And then of course, nicotine feels good. Nicotine is a drug that gives people the sort of combined sense of both energized and calmed at the same time. And then you put it in a really cool packaging, and then there was a long time in kids are still doing this ways to kind of customize the packaging to make it kind of, you know, your style, this is really dangerous because they really figured out in the marketing how to make this incredibly appealing to young young adolescents. I know vaping was on the rise pre-pandemic, but do you think the pandemic affected it even more like more people jumped on that bandwagon? Can you tell? We can't really tell. It's a great question. So when we look at the data, at first we thought we saw a pretty significant drop off. And, you know, when people were interpreting those data, they were saying, well, you know, it's interesting because a lot of kids who are vaping at school, they're now trapped at home, so they can't vap as much they can't get away with it in the same old ways. So maybe that is accounting for the drop off, and there was actually, I think, a kind of a moment of hopefulness. Like, okay, in all of the terribleness of the pandemic, at least it's like put a dent in kids vaping. Now, people are saying, eh, it may be because we were collecting the data differently. We're not actually clear, but what we do know is vaping is back. You know, kids are back together. Kids are going to school. They are vaping. And one thing just to make a distinction because if you're new to this world, it's a complex and weird world. There's vaping where kids are just using vape pens that have only nicotine. And then there's vaping where kids are consuming marijuana that way. And often though that you can put date pen, absolutely, they'll cut the refer them as dab pens or things like that. So they're getting marijuana that way. Okay. And so, you know, these are two different things. And we did a terrific, I thought it was really helpful. I hope it was helpful. Episode on kids and a kid who wouldn't stop smoking weed and who was using a dab pen, I think, you know, from what I would call in that episode. So that's separate that's marijuana. Today, we're just thinking about 13 year olds and mango flavored nicotine, right? And that is its own problem. Yeah. So how do you, for a parent who, like in this letter, stumbled across and discovers, oh my gosh, my child is doing this. How do you get them to stop? Like, what really works? Okay, so there's a few things. One is, we want to talk with them about the health concerns. And what we find really works health wise to say to them that will wake them up and get them to pay attention. Well, it's hard, right? Because part of what we're up against when we're talking with kids about health concerns is it all feels very far away and they're not seeing the immediate impact and they're seeing kids who vape a lot more than they are who do not seem to be bursting into flames. And so when we're like, ah, there's health concern. It's important for us to articulate it, but I don't think we should assume that that's going to be the thing that gets a kid to knock it off. The health concerns that we are aware of from vaping, there's a range of them, one is when we are, when anybody is vaping, they're getting particles into their lungs. Like, there are particles that are coming off of the mechanics of the vape device that are going into their lungs. You don't really want particles in your lungs, right? Like you don't want to do that. So there's that. There's also concerns about what it means to combust the chemicals that make for the flavors that make for the different delicious and delightful marketing stuff that they do to get kids to want to use vaping, that you're combusting that, that there's formaldehydes involved. So the way to talk with kids about that is, you know, inhaling things, inhaling things that have chemical properties and actually are coming off of a device. Those are going into your lungs, you only have one set of lungs for the rest of your life. You do not want to mess with your lungs, and sometimes when I've talked with teenagers about it, I'm like, you know, when we go outside, you don't see a pipe of a car and be like, I'm gonna go breathe right next to it. Like you have an instinctive awareness that it's not great to breathe in particles. With vaping, even if it's mango flavor, you're breathing in a whole bunch of particles that are foreign to your body. Yeah. That's a good point. I'm wondering what other things we can say to kids to really, what have you found in your experience? We're going to pause though and take a quick break, and I also want to ask you the component of peer pressure to all of this. How do you get them to walk away from that peer pressure? We're going to take a quick break. You're listening to the astley podcast. We'll

Vaping Soccer Middle East Lisa
A highlight from We Can Do Hard Things Crossover

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

06:12 min | Last week

A highlight from We Can Do Hard Things Crossover

"I'm doctor Becky, and this is good inside. So I just put out a book. And as part of my book tour, I talked to a lot of different people on a lot of different podcasts. Maybe one of my all time favorites was being a guest on we can do hard things. The podcast hosted by glennon Doyle, Abby wambach, and Amanda Doyle. If you haven't heard of we can do hard things, definitely go check it out. Wait, wait, wait, not right now, 'cause you're here, and I have an amazing episode for you. I asked the good inside community for questions they wanted the four of us to discuss. And that's exactly what we're going to do together in this episode. Let's jump in. Right after this. Let's talk about play. I know, I know. As parents, we are exhausted and overwhelmed and thinking about playing with our kids can feel more stressful than fun. I get it and I've been there. Good parents find it hard to play with their kids. This is exactly what the play kits by love every were made for. They tap into what your child is hungry to learn and provide play ideas and activities for parents. So you can have those great connected moments with your kids. The ones we all want more of. Designed by child development experts for kids ages zero to four, each plait comes with stage based toys for your child and a play guide for you, with ideas about how to use the toys to play with your kids. The plaits by love every are game changers. For you and your kids. Go to love every dot com to learn more. That's LOVE, VE RY dot com. I have missed Amanda Doyle, miss glennon Doyle, and miss Abby wombat, right here, we're all waving as if you could see us, but because we're all excited. So if you want to wave back and you're not driving, please do. And the other really special thing about this episode is that I went to the good side membership community to source questions. And we received so many amazing questions for Abby and Amanda and glennon and really, I just want to jump in and hear from them. So you can hear their brilliant answers. No pressure. All right, let's jump into questions. I am really curious what you're going to say to Brooks questions. So let's hear from Brooke. Hey, doctor Becky and hey, glennon, Abby and Amanda. I listened to both of your podcasts regularly and love them. My name is Brooke. I have a 6 year old son and a three year old daughter, and I would love to know what is the best parenting decision that you ever made? Do you want me to go first? Yeah. I can go first. Okay, so I don't know if you're going to have to cut this answer. This is what we were expecting. But I think that with a lot of nuance, I would say that the most important parenting decision I ever made was to get divorced. I was in a really broken marriage to a good man, which is a tricky place to be because we're all supposed to be grateful for what we have, right? And much ensued, I fell in love, I almost didn't go for what for you for Abby. I almost didn't follow the great love of my life because I was so afraid to hurt my children. I was raised in a family that was together that was never divorced and divorce was considered to be such a failure in my mind. And one day I was looking at my daughter and I told this story in the book, but I just remember thinking, oh, I'm staying in this marriage for her, but what I want this marriage for her. And I realized that I was modeling bad love for my children and calling that good parenting. And that was because I had this idea in my head that a mother was a martyr that we just do whatever we have to do to avoid our children having any discomfort. And so I did, well, I guess I just decided I have to, if she came to me in 20 years and described this marriage, to me, and then said, mommy, what should I do? What would I say to her? And I would say to her get the hell out, you have one life. You know what to do. And so I got divorced, came out as queer, married, Abby. And it was really messy and hard and horrific as divorce always is in the beginning. And I think that in the end, what happened is that our kids learned that we are true to ourselves even when it causes discomfort to other people. And that we have decided together that a broken family is any family, regardless of structure, even if they're still together, will where people have to break themselves to fit in. And that a whole family, regardless of whatever structure it is, whether it's a single parent, whether it's divorce, whether whatever it is, is any family regardless of structure where everybody gets to bring their full selves to the table. And I think that our family is messy and weird and imperfect, but it is a place where everybody gets to be themselves even if it makes everybody else uncomfortable and even if there's a constant balancing of the collective. So that I think getting divorced and coming out or my best parenting decisions, which interestingly enough didn't have anything to do with direct parenting, but dead. I don't know if it's a decision as much as it's a constant effort to re decide on a daily basis. That is

Glennon Doyle Amanda Doyle Abby Glennon Becky Miss Abby Abby Wambach Brooke Amanda Brooks
A highlight from How to Teach Body Safety - Missy Gryder [385]

Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness

01:23 min | Last week

A highlight from How to Teach Body Safety - Missy Gryder [385]

"Child abuse, particularly childhood sexual abuse is such a sensitive topic. It's such a disturbing topic that his parents, I think we often aren't sure how to best approach it with our kids. You're listening to the mindful mama podcast episode number three 85. Today we're talking about how to teach body safety with doctor Missy grider. Welcome to the mindful mama podcast here, it's about becoming a less irritable, more joyful parent at mindful mama we know that you can not give what you do not have and when you have calm and peace within then you can give it to your children. I'm your host hunter Clark fields, I help smart, thoughtful parents stay calm so they can have strong connected relationships with their children. I've been practicing mindfulness for over 20 years on the crater of mindful parenting and I'm the author of the bestselling book raising good humans a mindful guide to breaking the cycle of reactive parenting and raising kind confident kids. Welcome back to the mindful mama podcast so glad you are here. Listen, if you haven't done so yet, please hit that subscribe button so you don't miss any episodes and if you get some value from the podcast, please go over to Spotify or Apple podcast wherever you listen and leave us a rating and review it just helps the podcast grow more and takes 30 seconds and a hugely appreciate

Missy Grider Hunter Clark Spotify Apple
If a Man Does These 10 Things, His Love for You Will Never End - burst 1

Dating

01:52 min | 7 months ago

If a Man Does These 10 Things, His Love for You Will Never End - burst 1

"Reading happy can be hard, so here are three tips. 30 years after my first book being happy was published. I still get emails from readers saying that book really helps. So what are some tips that readers found useful? Number one be kind to yourself. Most of us grew up believing that we weren't good enough that we weren't smart enough we weren't attractive enough. We become our own worst enemy. We beat ourselves up. I know I did. For your life to get better, you need to be your own best friend and forgive yourself for not being perfect. And if you can think of nothing good to say about yourself, then say nothing. You have to at least like yourself. Why? Because to be happy and to enjoy loving relationships, you have to feel I deserve this. Two, you find in life what you look for. If you look for faults in your girlfriend or your husband, you find them. If you look for faults in your job or where you live, you find them. And if you look for good things in your partner or your boss in your Friends and neighbors, you find them unhappy people are always waiting for the world to change. But life changes when you change. Ask yourself every day, what's good about my life? And three, you become what you think about. Everything in your life happens twice. First is an idea in your mind. And then you become a picture. A better life doesn't just happen. It first begins as an idea. You

Amazon Happiness Love
In 'We're Not Broken,' Author Eric Garcia Takes On Myths About Autism

Parenting: Difficult Conversations

02:32 min | 1 year ago

In 'We're Not Broken,' Author Eric Garcia Takes On Myths About Autism

"In the beginning of your book. You mentioned that the writing began in part out of frustration and frustration specifically fueled by how media covers autism. What frustrated you about that. And what were you hoping to do about it in this book so i feel like the frustration i had about the way we talk about autism was that any conversation about autism began and ended with discussion about vaccines. I should say the completely false idea that vaccines caused autism. There is no evidence whatsoever about it and then there was the other part. Which is that if we want to get. We wind up getting past discussing vaccines. There's just a lot of discussion. about curing. autistic people are curing autism or combating autism or fixing autistic people and almost never. Was there any discussion about well. What is it that autistic people need right now. Even if you believe that there should be a cure which i really articulate that. I don't think that there should be cure that there can be a cure for autism. That's something that's a long way down the road and that doesn't really serve autistic people now and i also was frustrated that i felt like almost every discussion about autism focused mostly on white male adolescent boys and i felt like that was a very incomplete. Discussion about autism was a very incomplete excluded. Plenty of autistic people who. Don't that that categorization right right so it. Just it sounds like there's just a lot of myths that get perpetuated through the media which is all too common right and that this in part this was to dispel some of those that have been so pervasive precisely. I think that one of the things that i wanted to do was again to ball from the title of my book. Change the autism conversation to include as many people as possible. Because i felt that there were. There are a lot of pernicious ideas. About what the idea about whether autistic people can live independently or even even if they can't live independently live and they deserve to live in the community rather than institutions or the idea that autistic people can either not work or only work in a very specific sector of science technology engineering mathematics. And i also thought that there were a lot of misconceptions about whether people can have families or have legitimate relationships or legitimate

Autism
How to Stay Calm During a Tantrum

Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness

02:51 min | 1 year ago

How to Stay Calm During a Tantrum

"Every behavior is a communication and so they're communicating that they're emotionally overwhelmed and they need assistance from calm and collected adult right so they really really need. You know we have to make sure kids okay. Make sure they're safe. This is basically the the three steps to how to help during a tantrum is make sure your kids okay and safe physically safe to make sure you're okay. Be okay with making a scene like it's just an emotional outburst it's normal it's not something to shame and blame our child for this happens so forget everybody else. You'd be okay with helping your child and then number three is to stay calm and be present. How do we do that. How do we do that. That's the big question. How do we stay calm. Because it's like you're probably embarrassed. It feels like judgment is happening. It's triggering your own stress response like there's so much happening in this. So stink column is not an easy ask. And that's why calming is the first step in the mindful parenting methods and we have four modules. That work us through different strategies and tools and tips to help you calm reactivity because this is the number one thing that we can do for our kids and to be good. Parents is to be able to calm our own reactivity so that we can be there right so that we can actually be helpers. I'm gonna talk about coming. Rick activity in two ways and one is we need to calm our overall reactivity and so really the best way to remain calm in stressful situations is to reduce your overall stress. You know are you getting enough sleep. Are you getting enough exercise. Are you seeing your friends and family. Are you having downtime. All of those self-care things this is. Why say self cursed not selfish. It is your responsibility because if you are depleted. You're going to be useless for this. Really challenging situation doesn't take much push you over the edge. You're already losing kid and that's a mess. We don't want that. That's not what we want so to calm your overall reactivity in mindful printing where we work on mindfulness because it is one of the best ways research proven ways to change the brain and to reduce our overall reactivity increases our sense of wellness. It helps us sleep better at night. Decreases anxiety decreases depression and big. This is so big for his parents. Increases impulse control so that overall stress levels sleep exercise friends family and a mindfulness practice is huge. It can really really really help. Build that muscle of non

Rick Anxiety Decreases Depression
Parental Burnout with Dr. Meghan Owenz

Janet Lansbury Podcast

02:23 min | 1 year ago

Parental Burnout with Dr. Meghan Owenz

"I think taking a breath and recognizing that the amount of stress that we're dealing with is abnormal as a society both from the election two murders that we had to witness and honored to be educated about and advocate about to a global pandemic to losing family members to worry about losing family members that level of stress. You know it's been our our nervous system in a place that it's not meant to be for a long period of time and you could see that in terms of how we've handled the pandemic as a society right so in month one were like flat mccur. We've got this really excited about everything we were going to do. At home and bt months or so later we just don't have the energy anymore at at the same level and our children's still do not have the opportunity to be vaccinated and there's a lot of controversy over what's the best way to keep them steve and just navigating through all that information is is exhausting. And just like you said you can kind of make it work for a while. I mean i can only relate this because my children are young and they don't need that kind of for me. They're all adults now. But i can only relate it to times where for some reason you know. Children were sick or it was raining and raining for weeks and it was harder to do the things that we normally wanted to do. And you can handle that as he said for a while you can rise to that occasion as a parent and say okay. Well maybe we'll do the screen thing now because you're sick and i need you to rest. I can go get you some stuff for new projects that you can play with but after a while. It's like the special time that was. I mean special not necessarily in a positive way of course but that's old we didn't know where we're gonna have to maintain it this long right right and so being able to take a breath and recognize that this is not a normal amount of stress likely that many parents have been under in the past year. And a half. And then figure out where you are on that sort of hierarchy of needs in her family. If you're still in that meeting basic physical needs scrambling making sure that you're able to do your job and your baby is fed and that's all you can do. It might be the time for reflection on your parents

Steve
Kristen Bell and Jackie Tohn Discuss Their Amazon Prime Preschool Series Do, Re & Mi

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

02:12 min | 1 year ago

Kristen Bell and Jackie Tohn Discuss Their Amazon Prime Preschool Series Do, Re & Mi

"I'm so excited to talk about how this even relate to your show because one of the probably most popular videos on my instagram actually has to do with when our kids are in really tricky moments. How everyone's like. Well what do i say. What do i do. And they feel are tone and are kind of connection and even they feel song way before they process words that we have to get their body back to a place of feeling safe. So i i always end up making up songs with my own kids and that idea for parents have. Oh i don't need to get the script right but maybe even song can help me. Regulate itself is is so powerful knocking off out there. I mean that was the impetus for this show is knowing how important music is. It's the reason why we all know. What baby mozart is. Why they say oh. Put it on your belly. It in music changes. Your brain can put you in a different mood. It can grow the neuro plasticity of your brain like there are studies that tell us that kids get better at math than that. Their social skills when they're exposed to music music education the goal. Jackie had this idea with our friend. Michael they brought it over to my living room as a guinea pig. Tester for my kids. Like hey. They looked at my little girl. They were like you like these images. You respond to these songs. And i said what are you doing. They were like well. We're trying to develop a kids show because music. Education is being cut in all public schools right now and my kids go to public school and i was like i. I want them to get as much music education as possible. Because i wouldn't be here without a music. Education sincerely would not have become an actor. It's how i discovered acting. And i have such a profound respect for it and developing the show. It's jackie labels it a sneak. Teach which i love that term. It's an original animated series in. It's it's entertaining but it's also teaching your kids music theory and emotional lesson a musical genre. All in one and like some of my greatest mom moments are when like my kids are begging us. My phone and i need to succumb to that. But i've found a puzzle game where they have to spell and i handed to them with like a sly smile face knowing they're getting educated and the apps that go along with dorian me will be that because they will be able to make music and they will be growing their brains which is really

Jackie Tester Guinea Michael
A Space for Mom's to Be More Than 'Just Moms' With Mom Halo Founder, Alana Kayfetz

The Mom Room

02:55 min | 1 year ago

A Space for Mom's to Be More Than 'Just Moms' With Mom Halo Founder, Alana Kayfetz

"Halo which was previously known as moms. Te'o mom's toronto was to me like an act of desperation. When i was looking for my girls crew is looking for moms to like connect with and everywhere i went like people didn't talk to each other. It was really weird dynamic. I come from a twelve year history of a community builder. Fundraiser working nonprofit sector. Have always sort of been a gatherer of people and organizer of stuff so i was looking for my crew and i couldn't really find them so i had just moved into the neighborhood. We live now. I'm a young mom. I have my babies. Maybe five months old and i just like flew out on a local facebook page. I'm okay. I'm looking for some moms. Who wanna come over to my house to just maybe hang out at byu. Ob bring your babies. Your boobs in your bottles and bottles met lake. I was obviously like your your baby bottle. Your wine bottle. Hello whatever that was in two thousand. Sixteen that i thought was really clever. And lo and behold like nineteen random. Women's showed up to my like my matchbook cows. They're like i remember. This french canadian woman was like what's the catch. What are you trying to sell me on. Like absolutely nothing. My husband is a retired shops. Like beautiful feud we had like twelve bottles of wine. And we just. I had this aha moment of like moms. Just want to have their identity. Were their moms and also have a baby on everything. Baby baby baby all the time so. I really leaned in hard to this leg putting mom i like baby on the head wide on the lab. That's how it came. In to be. Rene then i remember that year. That was a really cool event in toronto that i really want to go to. It was like a very busy like food and beverage event. And i want to wear my white dress and i wanted to shut my baby with me and i went to go buy tickets. It was like a three hundred dollars ticket and the like. I'm sorry you can't come into nineteen event. I was like my baby is in a stroller. Like you can't bring the baby after this shit. I'm gonna create an event that looks and feels as beautiful as boozy. That's food and beverage where women can bring their baby. And that's how the first ever very mommy wine festival came to be with this like really leaning hard into finding a place where moms could come be themselves have a glass of wine and hang out with their babies fast forward years later and that's secretion of our community now which is now known as the mom halo. We pivoted hard because we realized we were serving women with our virtual digital content that we're like very much outside of the greater toronto area so very canadian following and we still sort of hit hard with i would say epa content. That's both virtual. We are in person really fun and it's not about why right. It's on about getting drunk and being fraternity girls. It's about permission right. It's about giving moms permission to say it's okay for you to be both. You can love being mom behaving mom. You can exercise five days a week. If that's your thing not my thing but if that's your thing and you wanna drink on the weekends that's your thing like just do you like whatever you is just

Toronto BYU Rene Facebook EPA
Should Teens Be Allowed to Drink at Home?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?

02:20 min | 1 year ago

Should Teens Be Allowed to Drink at Home?

"Would love to hear your thoughts on parents. Condoning teenage drinking and allowing teenagers to drink with them in their home or on vacation in countries that do not have a drinking age. Thank you so much. What do you think about this. I think it's a great latter rain. What do you think like. Where are you on this because this is something that you know. Reasonable people disagree strongly on this one. Yeah no it. Brought me back to anna maria and my my friend in jerusalem and i it just has always stayed with me. I wasn't apparent at the time. But i always thought to myself when i have kids and i get to that stage. I want them to have a glass of wine with me and experience it and it not to be taboo. Because that's when i feel like people go kids go crazy. I think a lot of people are of that mind and actually. I was raised that way that you know having a sip of wine you know my parents wine if we were having dinner Little champagne if they were celebrating. Something was how. I grew up You know and i was still around plenty of highschool drinking and You know. I took a pretty low key approach to in college and i think you know sort of as not as a psychologist but personally i'm like yeah you know. I think we do a lot of work for me. I'm sorta worked for my kids. I think we couldn't vienna perspective So the truth on this one. Rena as far as i've come to understand. It is a psychologist is. You can actually go either way. Like i don't have a strong feeling like you know if have a strong feeling about something. I'll say it. I feel like parents can get this right either by. I'm gonna use finger quotes allowing drinking. You know not finger selena by either by allowing drinking in their home with their underage child or they can get it right by saying no. You know the way the law's set up as you're really not supposed to drink till you're twenty one And we're gonna stick with that what matters to me. Is the conversations get wrapped around it to me. It's much less important. You know what the rule is. It's much more important to me that the parent take advantage of whatever rule they make to have broader conversations about an alcohol in that kid's life.

Anna Maria Jerusalem Rena Vienna Selena
The Importance of Pretend Play and Fantasy for Kids

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

02:23 min | 1 year ago

The Importance of Pretend Play and Fantasy for Kids

"Really kind of raising topic that i think is so important. Because you're talking about pretend play and fantasy and the role that pretend play has for kids exploring different identities different feelings different experiences and then you're also highlighting okay. I see that. But where's the line between pretend play and kind of a flat out lie. Is there a line at all. And what do i do so a couple big ideas that i think we can use as a foundation. The line between fantasy and reality is not as clear for kids as it is for adults. I think you. And i know there's no way you saw komodo dragon i think you and i know there's no way you could have even gotten to the store on your own. Forget even buying candy are reality kicks in so quickly as adults and there's somewhat of a benefit to this right. We're all very in touch with what's actually real in front of us. And i think actually if we all pause there's something we really lose by the time or adults which is the ability to kind of really wrapped up into a world of wonder and imagination. I think it would benefit you to just kind of look at your son with awe right in terms of. Wow you've really can get wrapped up in this whole other world. The other thing that's really important to remember about kids. Is that kids. Learn in play. This is their workspace for life. This is where they can figure out how brave they can be. This is where they can express different parts of themselves. This is where they can kind of push the limits kids who pushed the limits in play. Fantasy tend not to push the limits as often with a sibling or on the playground with the friend because they have a safer space. And so what i hear from you is a kid who's exploring so many things in the exact medium. We've kind of want a kid to explore in the safety and limitless -ness of play.

When Your Kid Shuts You Out

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?

02:27 min | 1 year ago

When Your Kid Shuts You Out

"When psychologists think about emotions and especially when we think about negative emotions. We don't ever think about like how to get rid of them like that's not really what we think is actually possible or necessary what we're always interested in but we've done a terrible job of sharing with everybody else is what we call. Emotional regulation and regulation is basically a two part process. Which is that sometimes. You regulate emotions by expressing them right talking about what you're feeling and sometimes you regulate emotions by containing them. You know kind of shutting them down a little while which sounds like a bad thing but can really be a good thing. Like if you're you know really really worried about something in your getting stuck in your thinking and you're not feeling better the more you think about it taking a break distracting yourself is probably a good idea what i get to in the peace and what comes up in. This question is the issue of extremes or when kids need help so sometimes kids need help containing emotion so we might say you know what i. Don't you just leave this loan for a little while. come back. We'll talk about it later. And then their kids like this one in the letter who need help expressing emotion bringing their emotions across to get some relief and we really do feel that way. You know we talk and we have all these terms like getting things off your chest airing it out. You know like you know dumping your feelings. There is something in those terms that gets at a real thing about how it's not good for us to carry around distress. It's not good to keep it all stuff down that there's true benefit in getting stuff. That's on the inside and putting it on the outside because usually it just feels better when you're not harboring it so much but it's not easy nice. Couldn't doesn't work in every family. It's not easy and especially if teens are known for sort of clamming up not wanting to talk to you what do you find. Works to get them to open up. I'm guessing it's not ice cream if it's not ice cream you got to have something else. So let's think about the something else. Okay so the giant heading on all of this is don't put them in the hot seat right. I think that this you know this mom writing she says to his kitto. Like how's it going. What's going on doesn't get an answer and she's like should i keep asking. I would say no right. You're already getting a pretty clear signal from the kid that like. They feel on the hot seat with that. And you know a kid who doesn't wanna talk about feelings putting them in the hot seat saying to them like. Tell me what's going on. I'm really curious doesn't work as much as we wish. It would

Is Social Media Placing More Pressure on the Younger Generations?

The Chalene Show

02:21 min | 1 year ago

Is Social Media Placing More Pressure on the Younger Generations?

"Everyone who has a kid that age or even if you are that age like maybe you are john e or you are a millennial you can relate to what they are going through. It's just the same. It's incredible social. Scrutiny that just didn't exist. When i was a kid that didn't exist when many of us were kids unless you grew up in the social media ehrlich and when i say grew up meeting social media existed when you're in middle school you're saying then you don't even understand the level of pressure and the incredible increase of stress anxiety and self imposed pressure that social media places on these generations. He's younger generations. jen's e the. I guess they called the alpha generation and then the millennials like they are struggle with things that we just didn't even have to. We'd have to worry about what millions of strangers are tens of thousands or even a hundred or even forty strangers might think of kids. Today they think about everything their image i mean. Were you thinking about your image. You thinking about what strangers thought of you that you didn't know and other states i mean i wasn't. I mean sure. I was worried about what the kids at my school thought of me and kids today. They have all of that. Plus having to worry about like what the world thinks of them. And i know what you're thinking. Well but they don't have to post what they feel like they have to. It's crazy the amount of pressure and stress. That kids feel because of frigging social media. And you know it's not going away and it creates us again. Social comparison and social scrutiny. Where kids when. I'm saying kids. I hope you guys know them talking. Like millennials gen z. And really anyone who was born before two thousand and ten just to make things simple. I'm going to refer to those age. Groups says kids. Even though i know you might be listening right now. Your millennial your you know jen's and you're like wait a second. I'm an adult. I know but i'm just going to refer to like this whole big group as kids so this group kids which you may be a member of. It's a lot. It's so much more stress. Then what i think. People my generation had to deal

Ehrlich JEN John
Playdate Etiquette

Mom and Dad Are Fighting

02:42 min | 1 year ago

Playdate Etiquette

"Like to talk about play date etiquette. I always thought if someone invites my kid to their home for a play date then we invite them to our house for the next one right. I am an introvert with two extrovert daughters. I'm pushed outside of my comfort zone. Every time they request a play date. But i do it for them because it makes them happy so the play date comes. The friend comes over the kids play. Everyone has fun and the kid goes home. But i never hear from their parent again. What's up with this. My kids are friendly. I monitor the play dates and everything seems fine. No arguments and they seem to leave happy. But i keep getting ghosted by other parents. And i bring my own insecurities into this thinking that i or we did something wrong. Maybe i'm being too sensitive but my feelings are hurt. What do you think okay so. I am positive that emily post would say that. You are to return and invitation for a play date that if you are invited over that you should return the invitation that being said. I don't think you should ever invite kids over for a plate in hopes that your kids will get invited. Because you don't know anyone else's situation you do not know what their home life is like. You do not know what it what is going on with the parents schedule. You don't know any of that. So i always think like when i'm trying to orchestrate play dates okay. Can i manage this. Is this something i want to do. Because honestly sometimes the play dates are great like my kids play better when the play date people are here than then when we're like alone like they have to have more snacks right but they're sort of go play on their own. I don't have to do as much interacting with them. So it's really great and i try to have that on on my schedule. I sense here though. Like the personal thing like feeling ghosted by other parents. The thing is you have to invest time in the parents to and especially. When i'm having. I knew plates. I will often now again with kobe. You have to kind of this. How you're doing all this. I don't know how you're if you're in a pot or what the situation is. Maybe you need to be meeting outside at the park. I think one you can have a joint like we'd love to meet you at a park and you know show up with coffee or everybody pickup coffee. Whatever so that you get some time with the parents. Because i think that is. That is a big part of kind of that bonding now. That doesn't mean that you need to make this person your best friend but i think having kids over for a play date is a little bit of relationship building like do. I trust you with my kids. Do you trust me with your

Emily Post Kobe
Holding Boundaries in Transitions With Outschool CEO Amir Nathoo

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

02:02 min | 1 year ago

Holding Boundaries in Transitions With Outschool CEO Amir Nathoo

"One of the things. I think for so many of us holding a boundary when our kids are upset especially when we're we know i'm kind of an empathic person i do really care about how you're feeling is really reminding ourselves kind of it goes back to boundaries but whose feelings are who's right like he's sad and that sadness is something i care about but it's not my sadness right. That's he's upset and he is in some ways learning to deal with feelings that come up when someone you love separates right and i'm sure one day when he's older he has some really meaningful relationship and that person moves across the country which would be a different form of separation. You'd say yeah. That would be pretty normal that he felt sad right and we want to teach our kids during these years. Of course you have these feelings. And i know for me when i get back to my room where i'm doing my meeting and i still hear my son crying. It's never easy. It's not the most pleasant part of my day by any means but being able to put my feet on the ground and just saying everyone did their job here okay. he's still crying. That's that's kind of. That's on him that's him. He's doing his job. I did my part. This is a job. Well done right. And i'm asked to in school. Sometimes you've job you do a job well done but still it might not feel great. You're like i kind of think. I made the right decision. But it's just it's still messy right like that happens with our kids alive. I think i made the right decision. It doesn't mean it's clean. And my kid pats me on the back and says oh you're the best ad in the world. Go take that meeting all right. That's not what our kids are usually now. My kids do for me right but again. I think that grounding in jobs kind of can also help us move on with our day and say okay. I'm not a bad parent because my kids crying. 'cause i often think also with those jobs my kid's feelings don't need to change boundaries but also my boundaries don't need to dictate my kid's feelings again. They're just two totally separate things.

I Don't Like My Kid's Friends. What Do I Do?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?

02:10 min | 1 year ago

I Don't Like My Kid's Friends. What Do I Do?

"There's different kinds problems that could be happening here and if we can home in on what the problems might be it actually then gives us a way to think about what might be done about it so the first question i would ask is is the daughter uncomfortable about these friendships because especially at seventeen. You're going to need her. Buy in to make any changes and is not clear from the letter. But i think it's the kind of question that apparent would ask first anytime they don't feel good about a kids friends and this this is on the older side. She seventeen but this happens all through development. You know where you're like really that kid. You wanna hang out with that kid. And i think even with younger kids parents can feel like they want to get in and intervene and engineer and try to create distance from a kiddo that they're not so keen on but even with younger kids the question i would have parents ask i is. Does my kid have any reservations about this friendship. And if they don't but you do well so that's interesting. So i think i you wanna look for that possibility where you say to them you know. I'm imagining malik. A younger came. Because i think that's especially when parents can feel very interventionist. You know every time you hang out with. Billy you guys get yourself in trouble. Have you noticed this. You know that kind of question. And i think you could get a couple of different answers. the could be like actually a have no say so. What do you want to do about that right now. This is an ideal situation. Because you've got. The kid is in some conflict about themselves into the. They've got a problem as far as they're concerned which then means they're much more likely to partner with you or take some initiative around trying to fix the problem of you know hanging out with a kid who gets themselves in trouble. That'd be great. It also may be really 'cause like yeah. Whatever billy's lots of fun you know in their kid does not seem to be much conflict about it at

Malik Billy