Toddler tantrums? Troubled teens? Listen to parenting advice on everything from infancy through adolescence, aired on talk radio shows and leading podcasts.
A highlight from EP147. Dear Meghan Markle
"It is like the wild wild west over here. Hi honey. What? Yes, you can come and talk with me. Yeah, okay. See what I mean? Oh, Milo. Right? Okay, toddlers elbows. In the breast area, drives me. Nuts. I'm gonna pause one moment. And then. Okay, I have instructed my toddler that he needs to be quiet. Milo? Just quiet, okay? So mommy can do this. Okay, just whisper. Why don't you go play with your Legos? No. Okay. Anyways, today's episode I had already recorded on Monday. And I decided that I didn't like the episode. I had uploaded it. I did everything. It was ready to go. And I was like, no, I just didn't feel right. So, well, this is going well. This is going really well. I'm in a pause it again. All right, I have busted out the tablet. So we should be good to go. Are there podcast awards? Because I'm pretty sure I should get one. Anywho, this is the second solo episode I have done with Milo at home. Okay, honey, just pick one. Okay, this is going really well, okay. This is proving to be the most difficult episode I have ever recorded, but anyways, I did the whole thing on Monday. It was ready to go. I decided I didn't like it. I wasn't, I wasn't focused as if today, I'm going to be able to focus. But anyways, I wanted to re-record it and oh my God, this is terrible. All right, so the episode is about Meghan Markle and what she said on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, which I didn't know she had made that comment until I saw a meme on Instagram about it. And I didn't really think much of it. I was just kind of like, oh, that's an odd thing to say. Anyways. So that's what I'm going to talk about in a little bit, but first I wanted to talk about using a timer with Milo because it has been amazing. I don't know where my husband like my husband just all of a sudden started doing it for bedtime because before we put him to bed, we snuggle and we watch some of his shows on YouTube kids. Usually we watch other people put Legos together. But anyways, before we would always give him a warning, you know, okay, 5 more minutes. Okay, three more minutes. Okay, one more minute. And then we would take him to bed. But with the timer, it's been amazing. And there's usually no. Pushback from him because it's like we tell him that we're setting the timer for X number of minutes. And then we, as the timer gets closer and closer, we still kind of let him know, like, okay, there's two minutes left now. And then the alarm goes off. And we turn off the TV right away. And he just knows that it's time to go. It's so bizarre. It was funny last night. I was like, okay, ten more minutes. I'm gonna set the timer for ten minutes, and he was like, no, mummy said it for 7 minutes. And I was like, okay. So yeah, we've been using it for countdown before we go upstairs to have a bath to count down getting out of the bath to count down going to bed. And it's been amazing. So I highly recommend using the timer method we just use it on our phones. So yeah, that's been great. Just that I would share that little tidbit of information. So Meghan Markle, the comment that she said on Ellen, so I'm sure most of you guys know this, but she has two kids now. I believe her first is two or two and a half. And then they just had another in June, I believe. So a little side note. Their first child's name is Archie, and that was my number one name choice for Milo. I was obsessed with the name Archie. But I knew that he wouldn't suit an Archie like in my mind and I'm sure it's just from looking at the comic books and watching Riverdale. To me, Archie is like a pale guy with red hair. You know? And so Milo obviously was not going to be that, so I was like, I'm probably not going to be able to use the name, but I love the name so much. So it was number one on my list. Obviously, we didn't go with that name, but then shortly after Milo was born. I remember my husband telling me like, oh, did you hear what Meghan Markle and prince Harry named their kid? And I was like, what? No. And he was like, Archie. And I was devastated because then I knew that the name wasn't special anymore and everyone was going to have a child named Archie. So anyways, I just wanted to tell you that story.
A highlight from It Had to Be You - The Struggles and Joys of Raising a Child with Disabilities (with Loryn Brantz)
"Is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to unruffled. Today I have a very special guest joining me. Her name is Lauren Brandt. She's a bestselling board book author and illustrator for children, including her latest, which is it had to be you. She writes for a popular online website, and she creates comics. She also shares uniquely uplifting posts on social media about her journey as a mom of a daughter with disabilities. I'm so touched by the beautiful faith that she has in her daughter. I mean, she embodies everything that I admire and aspire to as a parent and a person. And I know you'll be inspired by her too. Before we begin, a few quick words about Mack Weldon, which, as you know by now, is my go to clothing website for the main man in my life. And with holiday season fast approaching, my suggestion is you go to their website and check it out. T-shirts, polos, button ups, shorts, underwear socks, pants. They've got it all for any occasion. And if you need ideas, Mack Weldon's daily wear system is like having your own stylist. They're exclusive collections of shirts and pants, take a lot of the guesswork out of getting dressed.
A highlight from Helping Your Girl Set Boundaries (with Stephanie Olson)
"Welcome, Stephanie, thank you for joining us. I appreciate it. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. I want to talk a little bit about you, so I know you have children to do. Teens tweens. Yeah, so I have an adult child which throws me for a loop and then teens. So I have a 20 year old daughter who actually lives in New York and then I have a 17 year old daughter. She's a senior, and a 15 year old boy. Wow. Okay, so you know exactly what we're going through. As mamas are going through, you're one of us. And you have gen zers? Yes, I do. Today we're going to talk about establishing boundaries. Oh, my favorite topic. Yes. And so we want to talk about what they are, why it's important to have boundaries and what do we do if boundaries are crossed? And then how do we expect someone else's boundaries? Yeah, that is so good. So when you think about boundaries, boundaries do two things. If you think about a fence, you put up a fence to both keep people out and then perhaps keep people in. And so those are really good when we had were big dog lovers and we had dogs that would jump the fence. And so we kept having to put the fence much much higher and do different things. That's what boundaries are. Boundaries are really just a source of protection for you. And that can look like a number of different things. But boundaries are just really saying, you know, this is kind of my limit. Or this is how far I will do whatever it may be. And I'm not going to go beyond that. But those are hard to put into place sometimes. If you think about it, we have gives us boundaries. Yes, he does. You have created the earth with boundaries. That's right. That's right. The things that to me is the water. You know how the water can go so far? Right. That's a boundary. That is exactly right. And I think sometimes that's one of the things we resist about God is that he does have boundaries and there are things that we need to this isn't God's best for us. So maybe we want to avoid that. It's no different in life in the workplace. There are boundaries in the workplace. There should be boundaries in your home life. And in every relationship that you have, there are boundaries that you need to set. And really hold people to them. That's the tricky part. Yes, I agree. I remember when my daughter was younger and she told me that a lot of her friends thought I was really strict. And I would tell her I'm not strict. I just have boundaries. Right. And as she got older, she started thinking about some of the things that people thought were unusual in my rules. And then she was like, really? It really wasn't. It really wasn't that big of a deal. And, you know, some things I really shouldn't have been doing anyway. You know, she's like, you were fine. I don't know why they thought that was such a big deal. You know, it's funny because what is really important to know is parents is kids want to boundaries. They really do. They want us to put boundaries in place. So that they can feel safe, they can feel protected. And although they'll tell you, I want no boundaries. That is not true at all. I got to tell you this story because it was so it was such a poignant moment. And it really talks about the importance of boundaries. I work with a woman who does victims services with specifically with human trafficking. And so she had a woman who was a survivor. And she was trying to get her out of town to a restoration home. And this and this small period of time. So it was about a week. She had to stay with her. So she had this survivor saying with her. And the survivor was just throwing a fit because she would say no, you can't do this. No, you can't do that. And she'd be like, I hate you, you're awful your ball. And this went on for a week. When she was putting her on the bus to send her to the restoration house, this woman looked at her and said, I wish you were my mom. And she said, what I bet you hated me and she said, no, you're the first person who has told me no because you care about me. Wow. And that is what our kids want and need. And not only do they need to have boundaries from us, but they need to learn how to set those boundaries and put them in place. I agree. Yeah, that's so, so important to have them establish boundaries. For themselves. And that's in anything. Like you said it'd be in friendships. You don't want friends who are going to take advantage of you and just run all over your time or anything. Well, I'm just going to do this or tell you they're going to do something, then they change their mind, but they don't tell you and you're expecting it. You just have to tell them, hey, you know what? I'd appreciate it if you give me this much notice. Right. Because I've already planned to spend the day with you or whatever. So yes, it's important. And then it's important for them to understand why we are giving them boundaries. Because I think times we just say, no, you can't do that. But they need to understand why we're saying, no, to this particular situation. Right. That's a really important one, because I think a lot of times parents, my husband has the tendency to do this and it drives me crazy. Parents will say, no, and the kids kids will say, well, why not? Well, because I'm your parent. Well, that's maybe why. Right. It's okay to explain why this isn't the best for you. You don't get to have 15 cookies for dinner. Because there's a nutrition and energy and health factor. And all that stuff. But if they don't understand why you're saying no, they don't learn anything. And they can't, they can't respond to those boundaries in a positive way. Yes, and they are the Gen Z is the Google generation. If they want to get an answer to something, they just Google it. Absolutely. They're accustomed to asking why. Right. And there are custom to receiving an answer. Right. Exactly. And it doesn't have to be the one they want all the time. They do deserve to know why the answer might be no. Hey listeners. I want to ask you a question. Do you feel like your prayer life is stagnant or stale? You desire to make prayer apart of your everyday life. If you answered yes to either of those questions, then we've got a podcast for you. It's called teach us to pray. It teaches to pray podcast, hosted by Christina Patterson, walks you through simple, effective steps to grow the spiritual discipline of prayer in your life. When we grow in prayer, we grow closer to God. You can find the teachers to pray podcasts at life audio dot com or on your favorite podcast app and don't
A highlight from EP146. Pregnancy and Motherhood After Infertility, with Elizabeth King
"Hi, everybody. It is Tuesday, so you know what that means. I am going to be talking to somebody really cool. And today I'm talking to Elizabeth king. She is an international fertility coach, which maybe you don't know what that is, and she explains what that is in this episode. She is a health coach. She is a birth and bereavement doula, which I thought was fascinating because we hear a lot about doulas that help people in their late pregnancy and during labor and delivery. But what about people who have miscarriages or lose a child during birth? I feel like that is an area that doesn't get as much attention and there's not people don't know where to turn, right? It's not like you're getting emotional support or guidance very much guidance anyways from physicians because that's not really their job. So I talked to her about that and what that means, we also get into the fact that infertility affects one in 8 women or couples. We talk about miscarriage and loss and how you can thrive in pregnancy after a loss. And I think about this topic a lot because there's lots of people in my life who have struggled with fertility and who have had losses and miscarriages. And I think we even bring up in this episode that the term miscarriage is misleading. It's one of those terms that people use, that is just kind of like thrown around and I think it's just you hear it so often that you don't actually sit and think about what that means. It's like the word doesn't match the devastation of what it is. Similar to the word C section. We just kind of throw that around. But we don't actually consider what that is. A major abdominal surgery. You know, we just kind of said, oh yeah, she had a C section. And it's the same with a miscarriage. So anyways, we talk about that. We talk about how to thrive in pregnancy after a loss because I can't imagine that, you know, if you've had the experience of losing a pregnancy losing a child, how do you thrive in pregnancy after that experience? You know, I think a lot about my sister and people in my life who have had losses. How do you overcome that? And then enjoy a pregnancy that ends up being healthy. You know, it must be really difficult. So we talk about that. We talk a little bit about male factor infertility because again, that's something that is not talked about very often. And yeah, the experience of being a mom after going through major infertility struggles. So this is just one of those important conversations that there needs to be more conversations like this out there in the world. So that people don't feel like they're the only ones going through these things. So I hope you enjoy this episode. If you know someone who is struggling with infertility or someone who is now pregnant after struggling with infertility, send them this episode, maybe they will find some comfort. They can check out Elizabeth king's website. She has lots of resources on there, her Instagram account. So yes, with that being said, please enjoy this episode with Elizabeth king. To start off, I thought you could tell us a little bit about yourself. Your experience with infertility and also how you got into this line of work. So I am a fertility health coach.
A highlight from Deeply Feeling Kids Need a Different Approach
"Psychologist and mom of three, on a mission to rethink the way we raise our children. I love translating deep thoughts about parenting into practical, actionable strategies that you can use in your home right away. One of my core beliefs is that we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us in that moment. So even as we struggle and even as we are having a hard time on the outside. We remain good inside. In today's episode, we hear from three parents who call in about their deeply feeling kids. Deeply feeling kids are I often use the acronym DF K these kids feel things intensely. They escalate quickly. They go to anger and rage. And they have a harder time calming down and feeling grounded. These kids often don't respond well to so many of the parenting interventions we all hear so much about. When you name the feeling when you name their wish, there are some kids who feel so seen and they deescalate these kids often escalate at these exact interventions. Here's something critical. If you're thinking, wow, I think I have a kid like this. You're not doing the intervention wrong. It just isn't a good match for AFK. There's also nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with these kids. They just need to be understood and they need interventions that are a little bit different than other kids. One of the key things for is that their vulnerability sits so close to their shame. It's almost like they can't feel vulnerable in an emotion without shame, getting activated as well. And so what does that mean? They shut down. They push parents away when they actually need parents the most. They say, get out of my room, I hate you when they actually fear abandonment in that exact moment. Yes, DF ks are confusing, but I can tell you, I love these kids. I understand these kids. I have one of these kids. I work with adults in my practice who were these kids and I'm pretty sure I was one of these kids myself. So if you have a kid who has intense tantrums who escalates quickly and stays escalated for a long period of time, stay with me, this episode is for you, and you're gonna walk away with a ton of actionable ideas that you can use in your home right away. Let's hear from our first caller, rob. Hey, doctor bek, my name is rob from Cleveland. My son is 6 years old and he's a deeply feeling kid that just really struggles with play dates. Something doesn't go his way or it doesn't really know what to do. He'll say things like, I don't want to play with you anymore. And I'm not really sure what to do when he says this. I tell him to apologize to his friend. That usually leads to an explosion. I should also mention that he's a difficult time with goodbyes like in general. It just doesn't want to do it. So we try to make it and say goodbye. Screams and kicks and hits I'm probably doing something wrong. Any advice would be super appreciated. Thank you so much. Hi rob. Thank you so much for calling in and I'm having flashes of so many similar moments with my kids on playdates where something really difficult happens. And my child, I believe, does something hurtful or rude. And with my deeply feeling kid as well, if I make any attempt to name this, the shame spiral gets so intense. And I watch my child go into a deeper and deeper hole. And then often it leads to my child escalating. It never makes the situation better. And yet, to say nothing, feels almost negligent as well. I just watch my child say something. I maybe watch another kid feel her. It's like a no win situation. So I actually do have some ideas that I don't know if it will lead to an immediate win because we can only really be in control of our own behavior, not our kids, but I think there's a lot we can do between forcing our kid to do something and saying nothing.
A highlight from 58: Does My Child Have OCD?
"Got to explain something to me. I just recently cleaned out my garage. There are so many places in my home that needs to be cleaned out. Why did it bring me such joy and relief to have the freaking garage of all the places least of why the garage? Probably because you could do it. You know what I mean? It's so nice to have a task that you can do from start to finish. It sounds like you've got it done. Whereas the whole house is overwhelming. Yeah, it could be, but I'm just like, I'm not living in the garage, but I think about it all the time, my garage is clean. Things are up and put on racks, so it gives you a good feeling. It can do this. Absolutely. Does give me a good feeling. We're going to delve in actually the topic of OCD, which I always have said to myself, I wish I was OCD and more because I think of people as organized. You're going to tell me if we dispel that myth or not. Here's the letter we got from a parent. It says, my ten year old daughter has brought up some concerns around some OCD style behavior she sees in herself. Things like needing to have her desk chair in the exact right spot when she isn't using it. Her closet door can't be a jar. Her stuffies have to be lined up exactly the same, or else she's afraid, they'll quote be upset. And needing to wash her hands if she touches the garbage can, not because of germs, but just a compulsion feeling that she has to do it. This has been going on with her pre COVID. It doesn't seem like COVID has exacerbated it, but I'm not sure. I've asked her if she's worried about it, and she says yes, but she's used to it. She's very high achieving in school, extracurricular activities as well without being pressured by us. But she really puts pressure on herself to be, quote, perfect. But definitely struggles with some anxiety, but overall, I would say she has a very happy life, good friends and loving family. How do you recommend I proceed? I don't want her to feel self conscious about it or turn it into something bigger unnecessarily. But I also don't want her hurt in the long run by downplaying it either. Please help. So I'm going back to my question here. I'm as somebody who doesn't know or understand OCD, thinking, she's organized. She's got her desk chair in the right place. She washes her hands when she thinks it feels icky. Is this so bad? It's a tough one Rita. It can be. It can be. And I've cared for people whose lives became absolutely dominated by obsessive and compulsive behaviors and just really imprisoned by it. So we want to think about the continuum on which this exists because it does. And you don't really want anyone, especially your own child, finding themselves moving further and further up that continuum of having obsessive and compulsive concerns. In their lives. Could you just define for us Lisa, what is OCD to begin with? Yeah, it's one of those things that people talk about. And totally. And it's actually one of the better named disorders. Sometimes we have names for disorders that when I've taught abnormal psychology classes to college students, I'm like, okay, this name doesn't make sense. Here's what we really mean. But for obsessive compulsive disorder, the explanation is actually in the name. So an obsession is a worry a thought that is upsetting. And then the compulsion is the behavior the person does to reduce the anxiety caused by the thought. So that's the construction. So obsession and then compulsion. So a thought and then a behavior that get linked and the thought is anxiety provoking in the behavior, somehow causes the anxiety to go down. And so if we think about the hand washing and I heard in this letter that the writer said it's not that the kids worried or hinted dirty, but there's something to it. Compulsive feeling. It's what the parent describes here. Yeah. Yeah, so if we think about people who get into obsessive handwashing, the thought is, oh my gosh, my hands are dirty, or I'm contaminated or have germs. So that's the anxiety provoking obsession. And then the compulsion is, well, I'll go wash my hands. So that's the behavior. And you can see in that one a very logical pairing between the obsessive thought about germs and then the compulsive behavior around cleanliness and how that compulsive behavior would temporarily reduce anxiety. And that's where this gets tricky, which is it becomes reinforced. So I have this thought I do this thing, and my anxiety goes down. So when the anxiety comes back, there's this powerful urge to do the compulsive behavior. And it can really then reinforce itself very powerfully and where we worry is if there's a sense of can't stop. I can't not do it. You can't control it. You can't control it. So like, say, I took care of a little boy who had this obsessive compulsive kind of thing happening where he was worried he might say a swear word out loud in church. This was his worry. It was his obsessive concern. He was thinking about it and worrying about it all the time. And so he came up with this system where he felt that if he walked from the car to the door of the church and he could arrive on an even numbered step. Then he wouldn't swear in church. He had this idea. And we'll come back to how it doesn't really make a ton of sense. But he had this idea. And so then, if he would get to the step, the door of the church and be on an odd numbered step, he would feel he had to go all
A highlight from Affirmations for Parents & Kids - Sandy Zanella 
"I've been practicing mindfulness for over 20 years on the creator of mindful parenting, and I'm the author of raising good humans a mindful guide to breaking the cycle of reactive parenting and raising kind confident kids. Hey, welcome back to the mindful mama podcast. Hi, I hope you are doing okay and you have survived if you in the U.S., your Thanksgiving with your family, okay? Oh my, Thanksgiving. It really, it's amazing. It kind of, you know, we get back into that parent child's relationship again. And isn't it interesting, right? It's like, you know, we kind of think, with our parenting, if we just just say this, just say this perfect thing, we're gonna be the perfect parent. And you know, Thanksgiving really shows us there's a lot of stuff under the surface that we have to deal with, right? Oh my goodness. But I'm so excited for you to be listening to this episode today where I'm talking to doctor sandy zanella. Mom of two physician by training kids yoga teacher and she's the author and creator of happy yogis, which is a colorful pose by post book inspired by her kids. And she wants to encourage children to love and accept themselves as they are and dreams of really helping families thrive and find joy together. So I'm so excited about this because affirmations, you know, it's interesting because I realized, you know, mindfulness is about coming into the present moment, right? Noticing this sort of stories in our heads and being able to drop the stories because, you know, the thoughts in our heads are kind of a virtual reality and we can come into real reality. But at the same time, you're not going to stop yourself from thinking, we still have a storytelling brain. I mean, I've been meditating for over 15 years and I have a storytelling brain. And so I've been really excited about affirmations working with shifting what are the thoughts and stories we tell ourselves. And that's why in mindful parenting I created an hour long mindful parenting affirmations as a bonus that everyone gets when they're lifetime members and mindful parenting. And so I'm excited about affirmations excited to talk to sandy about it. We're going to talk about children's mental health and really cultivating that positive inner voice for ourselves and for our kids, particularly. So awesome, awesome episode. Before we dive in, I want to let you know that if you are interested in the mindful parenting teacher certification program, if you would like to bring mindful parenting the curriculum to your community, we give you everything you need and even give you some business training and how to bring it into your community, the teacher training certification program is enrolling now and so you can apply and it's that mindful parenting course dot com slash teach. That's mindful parenting course dot com slash teach. So if you're interested, spots are filling up already, so get in there, get your spot in. And I think that's the only announcement I have. I just want to say I'm happy you're here. I'm happy to talk to you today and I'm glad that we get to connect. And this is such an awesome episode. So join me at the table as I talk to doctor sandy zanella. Well, I'm excited to talk to you and talk about your adorable book. Happy yogis, but I think it's really fascinating. You're physician by training. You were GP before you had your kids. And you know, you've said that, you think mental health is more important than academics. And I would just love for you to talk about that a little bit like because I fully believe this too. I completely don't check, you know, the grades are not important to me. I want to make sure they're mental, but I'm curious to see how you came to that way of thinking too. Especially nowadays, right? We've been going through a lot adults and children. But I think ideally, we would look for a balance, right? However, I don't think we can find that balance if we're not mentally healthy. This is going to impact in our academics and our grades because children are going to be lack of they're going to have lack of sleep. They're not going to be focused. And so that's going to impact in their grades. And then mental, we start with mental illness, impacting school performance, and then that academic performance is going to result in a poor mental health. And then it's going to be a cycle. It's kind of like what came first, but I think if we don't have good mental health, then then we're not going to be able to perform at our best. You know, mental health is associated with better performance and increased learning, creativity, productivity. So I really believe that we should focus right now on mental health, especially in our children. I read this article that college students experience 85% experience anxiety and stress on a daily basis. So imagine you kids are calling students were thought how to manage their emotions when they were little, like the way they would have navigate and their outcome would have been totally different. So I really believe that we should focus on mental health, especially in children like young children, starting from. Yeah. I definitely think it's like a movement because people were all realizing that. Like it just affects everything. And I'm wondering for you, you know, you're a physician. So you had to go through the gauntlet of academic training of like, you know, you know, undergraduate school, graduate school, physician training, how many years of post graduate work, you know, that goes into that. Did you were did you have most physicians that I know had parents that were really into, you know, were very success academic success oriented. So I'm wondering if that was the way you were raised with a real emphasis on the academic success rather than like our mental well-being. I am blessed because my parents never pressure me anyway, not in school, not through med school, never. They always showed how proud they were of me. And so I never felt like, oh, I'm having a bad grade, and I need to perform or I need to study more. I never felt pressure. It was for sure about me myself, you know, towards myself. But then they were super supportive. That was something that never never happened to me like my parents weren't pushing anything on. Wow. So you're in the minority. Imagine, for most people who are kind of in that training, do you mind sharing how were you parented when you were when you were little and I'm curious 'cause it's such an interesting thing that we all go through. We're all either taking some things with us or we're wanting to leave some things behind. So what was your upbringing like? I think a lot of mixed emotions. My parents were very. Authoritarian. Their style was authoritarian. The typical because I say so no explanation, don't do this, don't do that. Don't do the other. And I'm Mexican. So I don't know if this is cultural thing and without returning style. I didn't have the nurturing, you know? I didn't hear often that I was loved that I was beautiful. You know, so that affected me and my self esteem.
A highlight from A Conversation with Gretchen Carlson
"Hey podcast family. Welcome to motherhood in black and white. I'm kanji. I'm Tara. This week, we are going to flashback and reshare an episode from last November, November 15th, 2020, when we spoke with the powerful. Gretchen Carlson, about arbitration clauses and sexual misconduct in the workplace. Yes. So one of the reasons we thought this conversation was so important to share is because of how relevant it is to what's going on right now in American politics and an American culture. That's right. Last year when we spoke with Gretchen, we talked a lot about her organization lift our voices and one of their primary goals was to pass a bill in Congress that ends mandatory arbitration in workforce contracts. And the reason for that is because those mandatory arbitration clauses make it difficult for people who have been a victim of workplace harassment to file lawsuits. They're usually forcing the NDAs. They just have to take the money quietly go away. And then things continue as they were. And what we've seen this month just in the last couple of weeks is that the most current Bill up for vote in the Senate has passed the Senate committee and is going to be put to a vote in on the actual Senate floor, which is a huge move in the right direction. And so I've seen Gretchen in the news recently, this has been really bubbling up and it just seemed like a perfect time to reshare this conversation. Yeah. In the last several weeks, sexual assault survivors have been providing emotional testimony before the House of Representatives about how they have been required to stay silent because these forced arbitration clauses in workplace agreements. And what that means. And the chilling effect that that has on reporting misconduct in the workplace and how the cycle has kind of perpetuated and continues, and the incredible work that Gretchen has done and continues to do to stop this cycle. So this was such a powerful conversation that we had with her and we want to share it for you, podcast family. So we hope that you enjoy this conversation with the powerful, the incredible, the brave, Gretchen Carlson. So Gretchen welcome to the conversation. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for agreeing to join us. It is such a pleasure to meet you to share space with you and to hear your voice and your amazing story. Thank you. Gretchen, we're so happy to have you on today. Kanji and I were kind of talking about why we started this podcast. And one of the reasons that we started the podcast is to kind of prove that there's strength in numbers. Among mothers and among women. We know your story and your success in suing your employer for sexual harassment. And then you took that story and you turned it into an advocacy for all women in all workplaces. Yes. And one of the things you've done recently is your new organization for lift our voices. Yes. And we'd love to hear a little bit about the mission of that organization and how that came to pass. Yeah, well, thank you so much for having me. I mean, first of all, life works in mysterious ways. My life has worked in really mysterious ways, but I think the constant in my life has been that if there's a challenge in front of me, I go for it. And, you know, I don't think that anyone in life would aspire to become one of the poster children for sexual harassment in the workplace. I know that that wasn't on my resume per se. But, you know, it was what life dealt me and I decided to somehow dig incredibly deep to find the courage to come forward, not knowing at all that it would help to ignite a cultural revolution, not just at Fox, but everywhere in the world, 15 months before the MeToo movement exploded. And what I learned shortly thereafter was that I wasn't alone. I learned that there were thousands maybe millions of other women in our country who had gone through something similar and whose voice had never been heard. And I just went back to my Midwestern values and hard work ethic and I was like, okay, I'm going to do something about this. And I just rolled up my sleeves and I started working. So the first thing I did was I wrote my book, be fierce as a tribute to all those women who were voiceless for forever. And then I started pounding the pavement and walking the halls of Congress trying to pass legislation to take this entire harassment issue out of secrecy. And that just morphed into everyday being a surreal experience and something unexpected and eventually I created lift our voices last December as serving as my umbrella organization for all of the advocacy work that I was doing. So really what we're fighting for is to stop silencing women in the workplace and there are certain mechanisms like non disclosure agreements, NDAs that make it incredibly difficult to solve the harassment issue because everyone's forced into silence. Yeah, and has that been the most challenging part about eradicating laws and business practices that create toxic workplaces do you think? The NDAs? Yeah. Well, that along with something kind of complicated, but it's called an arbitration clause in your employment contract, and that means you can't simply state it. It means you can't go to an open jury process, which is your Seventh Amendment right. And so what companies have been able to do over the last three to four decades since we started talking about sexual harassment in the workplace is that they figured out that these two things arbitration and NDAs would be basically a way to hide their dirty laundry. So that if they go to work for a company and they hand you an employment contract and you see an arbitration clause, you know, you're kind of screwed. I mean, I hate to say it that way, but you are because if you don't sign the contract, somebody else will, unless we're in the movement that we're in now where I'm creating awareness about that. But in the past, you know, that was a way that they got you. And then NDAs too. And listen, the intent of NDAs and arbitration was never, ever to silence for human rights violations. It was like to unclog the courts because there were too many cases. Oh, let's send that to arbitration, right? Because it'll be a small business dispute. And NDAs, we're not fighting to get rid of NDAs like for the recipe for the Big Mac trade secret. No. No, no, no. We're talking about toxic workplace situations like gender discrimination and racism and sexual harassment and even assault. You know, basically, the American public thought that everyone had a clean record, because we were not hearing anything about these cases. And the reason we were not hearing anything about these cases is those two silencing mechanisms. Absolutely. And you were such a fierce advocate for pay equity as well. Yes. And I think correct me if I'm wrong, Gretchen, but one of the ways that we are able to maintain pay inequity amongst women, particularly women of color and men is because we don't talk about pay issues in the workplace. I know it is so true and even like in Great Britain they disclose what they pay people. And I kind of, I like that my husband's in the baseball business and everyone knows what baseball players salaries are. And it helps him in negotiating. I mean, come on, you know? That's valuable information. And imagine if we did that for a gynecologist who's a man and a gynecologist, who's a woman, and then we find out the woman's making a hundred grand less than the guy. We're so closed minded in this country about, oh, we can't talk about our salaries. And consequently, women get paid and especially as you mentioned women of color get paid way less and it's all intertwined. This is because the more women that you pay fairly and promote and put them in higher positions and companies, guess what doesn't happen. Sexual harassment. Right. So you see it's all it's all intertwined. Yeah. I know one of the things that specifically left our voices is doing is pushing for the ending forest arbitration of sexual harassment act. I know, like you mentioned, you've been at Congress sort of pounding the pavement for that. Legislation, I also noticed that you guys are doing some advocacy trainings for women. Can you tell us a little bit about that piece of it? Yeah, so just to be clear about the bill that is my bill, the most important thing is that it's bipartisan.
A highlight from EP145. Q & A with Renee
"Welcome to the mom room podcast. My name is Rene rina, and I am definitely the mom friend. You have always wanted. All right, welcome to Thursday's episode. I have my bottom retainer in. I don't know why I didn't take it out, but I'm hoping that it won't make me sound like Sid the sloth on ice age. So bear with me. I could take it out, but I'm gonna try and do it with it in and see what happens. I find it makes me drool a little bit. Like it fills my mouth with saliva. So maybe I'll just, I don't know. I was going to say maybe I'll swallow more, but that sounds okay. Anyways, getting into the episode. Okay. I put out a story on Instagram and asked you guys to submit your questions for today's episode because I'm gonna do a Q&A, which I love doing because I love hearing people's questions and answering them. And talking to myself. Okay, I have to take out the retainer. There we go. That's much better. Okay, so I got some really great questions. One question that I absolutely loved. Was about what I thought about what Meghan Merkel said on The Ellen Show, which I didn't even know about. I saw a small post. It was kind of like a meme on Instagram about it. I didn't think too much about it. I was just kind of like, oh, you know, that sucks that she said that. You should probably regrets it now, but when I actually sat down and I was thinking about what to answer for that question, I had so many things to say and I decided to make it its own episode for next Thursday. Because I was writing notes down and I was like, oh my God, so many things to unpack and go over so yeah, that's going to be its own episode next Thursday. I'm going to call it dear Meghan Markle or something. So that's that. Some other questions that I got that I really liked was what would I do differently in pregnancy and in postpartum or early motherhood if I were to do it again? So one major thing that I've talked about quite a bit is preparing for postpartum and not so much preparing for labor and delivery. I feel like because of how labor and delivery are portrayed in movies and on TV, it makes us afraid of it. And okay, I get it. It can be traumatic, it's not, you know, it's weird. It's like they make us afraid of it, but then at the same time we're given all these messages that it's supposed to be the most amazing and beautiful and best day of our lives. So it's always like these conflicting messages. So anyways, I did so much prep for labor and delivery learning about everything and which is great. That's my personality. I over prepare for everything.
A highlight from The Real Thanksgiving Edition
"But first, as always, we're gonna kick off the show with some triumphs and fails. Zach, do you have a triumph or a fail for us this week? Yes. So if you're listening last week, you might recall that I talked about my family's Thanksgiving prep regimen for COVID wherein everyone going to my mom's house. There are 18 of us. We pledged to all get tested the week prior, which is this week. COVID tested. And not to be indoors with people outside our immediate households without a mask. And recording this on Tuesday, I know you're listening on Thursday, listener. And we just got our COVID test back. They came back negative, so that's out of the way. No one is sick yet. No one seems to have any like colds or flus or tickles. So I think we're on our way to having our first family Thanksgiving in two years because last year we just didn't go. So I don't want to call it a triumph yet because we're not eating cornbread yet,
A highlight from Pro-Mother, Pro-Abortion
"Today I came out because I can't believe we're still talking about this issue. My sign says I'm so damn tired of this fight. So tired that we can't focus on other things because we have to focus on this constantly. We've already done this 30 years ago and 30 years before that. And it's time to stop this fight and let women choose. What is right for their bodies? This is the double shift, and I'm your host, Catherine Goldstein. And I'm your co host Angela garbus. And today, we are going to talk about something that's been on our minds a lot. Reproductive freedom. And as you can hear from the voices of those moms at marches to defend reproductive rights earlier this fall, it's really always on our minds. Yes. Maddeningly so. The same fights that have been going on for decades are still going on. Still going on. But really amped up and scary because of who's on the Supreme Court right now. And the fact that new laws like in Texas, which we're going to talk more about later in this episode are allowed to actually go into effect, mean this has really basically game on time in protecting abortion rights. Yes. And while it's definitely important to stay up on what's happening in Texas and other states, obviously, and the Supreme Court. Today, we want to have a much more expansive conversation. About what reproductive freedom really is. Yeah, and what reproductive freedom really means to us as individuals, you and I, Angela, but also, you know, I also just want to say, here at the double shift, we think all stories and lived experiences from people who have had abortions matter, full stop. Like we are all about those stories. And in this episode, though, we want to create space to elevate one segment of the population. You may be able to guess who that is. That we feel like it's really important to hear from right now. These are people who have already given birth and know truly what it means to bring a child into the world and care for them. And how that factors into their views on reproductive freedom. So we're going to hear from two different moms on this today. They are sharing experiences that I feel like I haven't heard as much, but these two guests they very much speak for themselves. We heard from listeners about their experiences with abortion and some of the emotions they brought up were feelings of relief or frustration with the insensitivity of their medical care. We heard about anger at the politicalization of their abortion care, and we also heard about devastating grief and heartbreaking decisions that no
A highlight from Express Yourself: How do you support your child in making progress in speech?
"To have a big impact or we can help set up a more structured practice schedule with specific activities, but help walk through how to make those as supportive as possible. And when you're looking at that, you're just looking at an exponential number of time. 60 minutes a week that they might spend with us or might get in the school versus hours and hours and hours a week that they're working with you talking with you and getting that really good good input. How to intertwine it into our daily lives. Absolutely, yes. That is key. It's key. Right, as well as helping us to be able to talk to other family members about how to support them in their daily lives. Because sometimes, you know, because we're not talking to speech therapists, so we don't know how to actually tell someone what's going on. So that, you know, you have family members and they're like, boy, you talk too fast. I don't understand what you're saying. And it's like, you know, to have actually engaged with your family members and friends and family who are dealing with your child. And apparently, not buying the more I know the more I'm able to explain it to people. Yeah. To be an advocate for them in any situation, that's a fantastic point that yeah, I haven't considered that too much, I think in other conversations with other podcast hosts and that's a really excellent point that you can also not just work with them, but advocate for them with family. It's an important aspect just because what happens is you get a diagnosis someone tells you a child has articulation or that you have dyslexia or an array of diagnosis, but you're kind of disconnected from it because it's on a piece of paper and no one's actually telling you what that looks like in real life. You may know that you can't understand your child. You may know they talk too fast. But you don't know actually how to tell someone else, this is why they talk so fast. This is why you can't understand them. So if you can't understand them, ask them to slow down, and I have to actually start coaching my family on that because my son is like really talkative. But he had rapid speech. Okay. So for anyone who's listening who doesn't know what this speech is because trusting believe that you have experienced it is when a child talks so fast that the words and the pronunciation are running together. So it's kind of like you may catch a word here or there. And my son was very gay and he's happy and it's like, we're looking at him like, I don't know what you're talking about. And my brother would always get him. My brother would be like, I know you're excited, but I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. There's an inherent question that we asked back and most, you know, a lot of people are inherently pretty good at saying the right thing, but sometimes we yeah, others who maybe don't have that kiddo or aren't as close to the problem or the concern might not always say this spot on best thing to support that child. So yeah, you may have fantastic point Jeannie that be in there advocating and not just at home, but also at school as well. That's something like you said talking to your private speech therapist about what goals they would recommend. You probably carried that back to the school and took a lot of that education from that SLP with you and were able to really advocate for the care that you felt he should receive in the schools. Yes, and just for everyone to know, at one point, the school actually wanted to take my son off of and that leads to one of the reasons Leanne is joining us today is for Q&A. So I have some questions from the community. About what would you ask a speech therapist if you had the opportunity? And leading to that one of my questions was how do you know as a parent if the school is basically advocating to remove your child from speech therapy, but the diagnosis really is based upon articulation only. That's a good question and that does come up. The way to frame services at school is to know that they're always going to be evaluating and assessing based on academic need. And so that means they're comparing what the kid is able to do to how successful they're able to be in their general education setting, are they able to function in a general education classroom, meet appropriate grades, make age level progress. And so sometimes there are pockets of other disabilities as well, but when it comes to speech and language, there are pockets of communication where the kid who might very well have a concern like articulation or another one that comes up is sometimes stuttering or social skills. They might have an issue have a concern, but if it's not impacting them academically, they won't qualify for services at school because they're always working off of limited resources. And so in a way that's kind of how they keep it to the kiddos that would quote unquote needed to succeed in their classroom setting. So if someone has maybe a list on some of their sounds, if they have rapid speech and sometimes are tricky to understand, if they stutter, but they're still reading at their grade level. They're still making friends. They're still participating in class. This school might come back and say we don't see evidence of it impacting them, negatively and therefore we won't provide services for them here while they're at school. That doesn't mean that there's not a concern. In our setting with expressible in outpatient settings, if you're going through insurance, those evaluations are going to be done more on a functional and medically based need. So, you know, there is the opportunity to seek that outside care if the school is not dividing it while they're at school. Okay, so you said that if they see that it is interferon with their academics. So if the school is saying articulation, like they're only seeing articulation for a parent. Sometimes they do not actually understand that academics and speech common side. And for instance, for me, I realized that my son had articulation. But he also had dyslexia. So, you know, in my studies, I realized that a lot of children who are receiving speech therapy at some point, especially like early on, it can be an indicator that they may have another learning disability. Yeah, that is true. And when it comes to articulation and phenology, that might very often tie in with reading language, delays and disorders can also impact reading progress. So that is what they'd be evaluating for. So when they set out to do their assessments, they'll gather, even if it's a speech only assessment because in the schools you might be referred for just speech and language evaluation, you might be referred for a full disability evaluation. Even if it's just speech and language only that we're recommending will still look at their reading progress or reading levels. They'll talk to their classroom teacher. They come out to do specific assessment tests, but they'll also observe them in the classroom and talk with their classroom teacher and really try to get the fullest picture they can of how that speech and language might be impacting academics or could potentially play a future role in impacting academics. But I say that and I know full well that it might not always be done the best that it can be, it might not always be the decision that winds up being the best and parents have rights when it comes to schools. There's a ton of information online. I would dot com myself an expert in that kind of arbitration and everything like that. But parents and families have rights because of the individuals with disabilities education act. If they don't feel that their child is getting the most appropriate education for them, they have rights to request outside evaluations at the school would need to cover
In 'We're Not Broken,' Author Eric Garcia Takes On Myths About Autism
"In the beginning of your book. You mentioned that the writing began in part out of frustration and frustration specifically fueled by how media covers autism. What frustrated you about that. And what were you hoping to do about it in this book so i feel like the frustration i had about the way we talk about autism was that any conversation about autism began and ended with discussion about vaccines. I should say the completely false idea that vaccines caused autism. There is no evidence whatsoever about it and then there was the other part. Which is that if we want to get. We wind up getting past discussing vaccines. There's just a lot of discussion. about curing. autistic people are curing autism or combating autism or fixing autistic people and almost never. Was there any discussion about well. What is it that autistic people need right now. Even if you believe that there should be a cure which i really articulate that. I don't think that there should be cure that there can be a cure for autism. That's something that's a long way down the road and that doesn't really serve autistic people now and i also was frustrated that i felt like almost every discussion about autism focused mostly on white male adolescent boys and i felt like that was a very incomplete. Discussion about autism was a very incomplete excluded. Plenty of autistic people who. Don't that that categorization right right so it. Just it sounds like there's just a lot of myths that get perpetuated through the media which is all too common right and that this in part this was to dispel some of those that have been so pervasive precisely. I think that one of the things that i wanted to do was again to ball from the title of my book. Change the autism conversation to include as many people as possible. Because i felt that there were. There are a lot of pernicious ideas. About what the idea about whether autistic people can live independently or even even if they can't live independently live and they deserve to live in the community rather than institutions or the idea that autistic people can either not work or only work in a very specific sector of science technology engineering mathematics. And i also thought that there were a lot of misconceptions about whether people can have families or have legitimate relationships or legitimate
How to Stay Calm During a Tantrum
"Every behavior is a communication and so they're communicating that they're emotionally overwhelmed and they need assistance from calm and collected adult right so they really really need. You know we have to make sure kids okay. Make sure they're safe. This is basically the the three steps to how to help during a tantrum is make sure your kids okay and safe physically safe to make sure you're okay. Be okay with making a scene like it's just an emotional outburst it's normal it's not something to shame and blame our child for this happens so forget everybody else. You'd be okay with helping your child and then number three is to stay calm and be present. How do we do that. How do we do that. That's the big question. How do we stay calm. Because it's like you're probably embarrassed. It feels like judgment is happening. It's triggering your own stress response like there's so much happening in this. So stink column is not an easy ask. And that's why calming is the first step in the mindful parenting methods and we have four modules. That work us through different strategies and tools and tips to help you calm reactivity because this is the number one thing that we can do for our kids and to be good. Parents is to be able to calm our own reactivity so that we can be there right so that we can actually be helpers. I'm gonna talk about coming. Rick activity in two ways and one is we need to calm our overall reactivity and so really the best way to remain calm in stressful situations is to reduce your overall stress. You know are you getting enough sleep. Are you getting enough exercise. Are you seeing your friends and family. Are you having downtime. All of those self-care things this is. Why say self cursed not selfish. It is your responsibility because if you are depleted. You're going to be useless for this. Really challenging situation doesn't take much push you over the edge. You're already losing kid and that's a mess. We don't want that. That's not what we want so to calm your overall reactivity in mindful printing where we work on mindfulness because it is one of the best ways research proven ways to change the brain and to reduce our overall reactivity increases our sense of wellness. It helps us sleep better at night. Decreases anxiety decreases depression and big. This is so big for his parents. Increases impulse control so that overall stress levels sleep exercise friends family and a mindfulness practice is huge. It can really really really help. Build that muscle of non
Parental Burnout with Dr. Meghan Owenz
"I think taking a breath and recognizing that the amount of stress that we're dealing with is abnormal as a society both from the election two murders that we had to witness and honored to be educated about and advocate about to a global pandemic to losing family members to worry about losing family members that level of stress. You know it's been our our nervous system in a place that it's not meant to be for a long period of time and you could see that in terms of how we've handled the pandemic as a society right so in month one were like flat mccur. We've got this really excited about everything we were going to do. At home and bt months or so later we just don't have the energy anymore at at the same level and our children's still do not have the opportunity to be vaccinated and there's a lot of controversy over what's the best way to keep them steve and just navigating through all that information is is exhausting. And just like you said you can kind of make it work for a while. I mean i can only relate this because my children are young and they don't need that kind of for me. They're all adults now. But i can only relate it to times where for some reason you know. Children were sick or it was raining and raining for weeks and it was harder to do the things that we normally wanted to do. And you can handle that as he said for a while you can rise to that occasion as a parent and say okay. Well maybe we'll do the screen thing now because you're sick and i need you to rest. I can go get you some stuff for new projects that you can play with but after a while. It's like the special time that was. I mean special not necessarily in a positive way of course but that's old we didn't know where we're gonna have to maintain it this long right right and so being able to take a breath and recognize that this is not a normal amount of stress likely that many parents have been under in the past year. And a half. And then figure out where you are on that sort of hierarchy of needs in her family. If you're still in that meeting basic physical needs scrambling making sure that you're able to do your job and your baby is fed and that's all you can do. It might be the time for reflection on your parents
Why Organizational Support Is Crucial for Working Moms Returning to the Workplace
"So this. Paper is called mothers re entry a relative contribution perspective of dual earner parents roles resources and outcomes and it was published in the academy management journal Very recently just came out. I believe it's a two twenty twenty one paper. And it's by laura little and courtney masterson and The paper basically takes a look at the importance of mothers being supported by their organizations. When they're coming back from attorney leave And one of the reasons that they focus on this time period and on mothers in particular is because after women. Leave the workforce to take maternity. Leave while it's a really nice break. from work responsibilities and allows them to focus holy. Or you know almost entirely on the family domain. It can be stressful. Figure out how then to reincorporate work into your life. Now that you've been spending time just focused on family. It can be stressful to anticipate what that returned to. Work is gonna look like and there are also some anticipated stressors that come from thinking through how your identity might play out. Were shift so there. Some research out there that looks at how pregnant women anticipate their identity shifts once they become working moms and that bat nine months of pregnancy is really a time period where people are thinking about. What's that gonna look like. And who am i and who do i wanna be. And how much do. I wanna put emphasis on on my work identity year my family identity or my mom identity in particular so there's some stressors that are introduced wall. Obviously it's a wonderful thing to have maternity leave and it's it's a fantastic resource and they're not arguing at all that that's not the keys. But when people are anticipating that reentry it can be a particularly stressful time. And so they're kind of honing in on that time period to take a look at how organizational support might play a role in affecting some of that
Kristen Bell and Jackie Tohn Discuss Their Amazon Prime Preschool Series Do, Re & Mi
"I'm so excited to talk about how this even relate to your show because one of the probably most popular videos on my instagram actually has to do with when our kids are in really tricky moments. How everyone's like. Well what do i say. What do i do. And they feel are tone and are kind of connection and even they feel song way before they process words that we have to get their body back to a place of feeling safe. So i i always end up making up songs with my own kids and that idea for parents have. Oh i don't need to get the script right but maybe even song can help me. Regulate itself is is so powerful knocking off out there. I mean that was the impetus for this show is knowing how important music is. It's the reason why we all know. What baby mozart is. Why they say oh. Put it on your belly. It in music changes. Your brain can put you in a different mood. It can grow the neuro plasticity of your brain like there are studies that tell us that kids get better at math than that. Their social skills when they're exposed to music music education the goal. Jackie had this idea with our friend. Michael they brought it over to my living room as a guinea pig. Tester for my kids. Like hey. They looked at my little girl. They were like you like these images. You respond to these songs. And i said what are you doing. They were like well. We're trying to develop a kids show because music. Education is being cut in all public schools right now and my kids go to public school and i was like i. I want them to get as much music education as possible. Because i wouldn't be here without a music. Education sincerely would not have become an actor. It's how i discovered acting. And i have such a profound respect for it and developing the show. It's jackie labels it a sneak. Teach which i love that term. It's an original animated series in. It's it's entertaining but it's also teaching your kids music theory and emotional lesson a musical genre. All in one and like some of my greatest mom moments are when like my kids are begging us. My phone and i need to succumb to that. But i've found a puzzle game where they have to spell and i handed to them with like a sly smile face knowing they're getting educated and the apps that go along with dorian me will be that because they will be able to make music and they will be growing their brains which is really
A Space for Mom's to Be More Than 'Just Moms' With Mom Halo Founder, Alana Kayfetz
"Halo which was previously known as moms. Te'o mom's toronto was to me like an act of desperation. When i was looking for my girls crew is looking for moms to like connect with and everywhere i went like people didn't talk to each other. It was really weird dynamic. I come from a twelve year history of a community builder. Fundraiser working nonprofit sector. Have always sort of been a gatherer of people and organizer of stuff so i was looking for my crew and i couldn't really find them so i had just moved into the neighborhood. We live now. I'm a young mom. I have my babies. Maybe five months old and i just like flew out on a local facebook page. I'm okay. I'm looking for some moms. Who wanna come over to my house to just maybe hang out at byu. Ob bring your babies. Your boobs in your bottles and bottles met lake. I was obviously like your your baby bottle. Your wine bottle. Hello whatever that was in two thousand. Sixteen that i thought was really clever. And lo and behold like nineteen random. Women's showed up to my like my matchbook cows. They're like i remember. This french canadian woman was like what's the catch. What are you trying to sell me on. Like absolutely nothing. My husband is a retired shops. Like beautiful feud we had like twelve bottles of wine. And we just. I had this aha moment of like moms. Just want to have their identity. Were their moms and also have a baby on everything. Baby baby baby all the time so. I really leaned in hard to this leg putting mom i like baby on the head wide on the lab. That's how it came. In to be. Rene then i remember that year. That was a really cool event in toronto that i really want to go to. It was like a very busy like food and beverage event. And i want to wear my white dress and i wanted to shut my baby with me and i went to go buy tickets. It was like a three hundred dollars ticket and the like. I'm sorry you can't come into nineteen event. I was like my baby is in a stroller. Like you can't bring the baby after this shit. I'm gonna create an event that looks and feels as beautiful as boozy. That's food and beverage where women can bring their baby. And that's how the first ever very mommy wine festival came to be with this like really leaning hard into finding a place where moms could come be themselves have a glass of wine and hang out with their babies fast forward years later and that's secretion of our community now which is now known as the mom halo. We pivoted hard because we realized we were serving women with our virtual digital content that we're like very much outside of the greater toronto area so very canadian following and we still sort of hit hard with i would say epa content. That's both virtual. We are in person really fun and it's not about why right. It's on about getting drunk and being fraternity girls. It's about permission right. It's about giving moms permission to say it's okay for you to be both. You can love being mom behaving mom. You can exercise five days a week. If that's your thing not my thing but if that's your thing and you wanna drink on the weekends that's your thing like just do you like whatever you is just
Should Teens Be Allowed to Drink at Home?
"Would love to hear your thoughts on parents. Condoning teenage drinking and allowing teenagers to drink with them in their home or on vacation in countries that do not have a drinking age. Thank you so much. What do you think about this. I think it's a great latter rain. What do you think like. Where are you on this because this is something that you know. Reasonable people disagree strongly on this one. Yeah no it. Brought me back to anna maria and my my friend in jerusalem and i it just has always stayed with me. I wasn't apparent at the time. But i always thought to myself when i have kids and i get to that stage. I want them to have a glass of wine with me and experience it and it not to be taboo. Because that's when i feel like people go kids go crazy. I think a lot of people are of that mind and actually. I was raised that way that you know having a sip of wine you know my parents wine if we were having dinner Little champagne if they were celebrating. Something was how. I grew up You know and i was still around plenty of highschool drinking and You know. I took a pretty low key approach to in college and i think you know sort of as not as a psychologist but personally i'm like yeah you know. I think we do a lot of work for me. I'm sorta worked for my kids. I think we couldn't vienna perspective So the truth on this one. Rena as far as i've come to understand. It is a psychologist is. You can actually go either way. Like i don't have a strong feeling like you know if have a strong feeling about something. I'll say it. I feel like parents can get this right either by. I'm gonna use finger quotes allowing drinking. You know not finger selena by either by allowing drinking in their home with their underage child or they can get it right by saying no. You know the way the law's set up as you're really not supposed to drink till you're twenty one And we're gonna stick with that what matters to me. Is the conversations get wrapped around it to me. It's much less important. You know what the rule is. It's much more important to me that the parent take advantage of whatever rule they make to have broader conversations about an alcohol in that kid's life.
How Parents Can Design a Nontoxic Nursery With Ethical Interior Designer Deborah DiMare
"That was gonna be my next question for you. And i i do wanna hear all of the nine things to avoid but i'm curious as to what is the alternative because i know clever is plastic leather and it has its own set of problems. Yes it does so. I always say there's to me. There's like the hierarchy to me the best thing you can ever use any space especially a child. Space would be a guts. Certified organic cotton. God's stands for the global organic textile standard. Which you've heard of that is the cadillac of the granddaddy of all fabrics and would want to choose. A god's fabric that is non animal based now people say but it's not as durable no a faux leather. A real leather is not as durable is very durable. Compared to a cotton to me that would be the most ideal ideal fabric in the world to us because it will contain hardly any pesticides. Hardly any toxins. It's clean and that's what you want to surround your baby and your child with now durability up until about a year ago it was like oh it's not as durable but i say if it's kind of like you have to choose i'd say to a client. Yes might not be as gerbil but look at it this way. Chances are going to be going to the doctor a lot less. Because you're surrounding yourself with healthy items and going to. The doctor is a lot more expensive than buying another set of sheets right. I look at it because now in these fabrics that are you know made from animals and stuff like that. They cause what kind of problems with kids. Intellectual disabilities has increased. What i think four hundred percent you have. Adt autism you have asthma respiratory illnesses. You have fertility issues for parents and for children. There was an article about. I forget which chemical it was foss that when pregnant women were surrounding themselves with baby were being born boys with their genitalia Like deformed i mean it was so there is. It's endless the kind of issues that these chemicals induce upon human beings
The Importance of Pretend Play and Fantasy for Kids
"Really kind of raising topic that i think is so important. Because you're talking about pretend play and fantasy and the role that pretend play has for kids exploring different identities different feelings different experiences and then you're also highlighting okay. I see that. But where's the line between pretend play and kind of a flat out lie. Is there a line at all. And what do i do so a couple big ideas that i think we can use as a foundation. The line between fantasy and reality is not as clear for kids as it is for adults. I think you. And i know there's no way you saw komodo dragon i think you and i know there's no way you could have even gotten to the store on your own. Forget even buying candy are reality kicks in so quickly as adults and there's somewhat of a benefit to this right. We're all very in touch with what's actually real in front of us. And i think actually if we all pause there's something we really lose by the time or adults which is the ability to kind of really wrapped up into a world of wonder and imagination. I think it would benefit you to just kind of look at your son with awe right in terms of. Wow you've really can get wrapped up in this whole other world. The other thing that's really important to remember about kids. Is that kids. Learn in play. This is their workspace for life. This is where they can figure out how brave they can be. This is where they can express different parts of themselves. This is where they can kind of push the limits kids who pushed the limits in play. Fantasy tend not to push the limits as often with a sibling or on the playground with the friend because they have a safer space. And so what i hear from you is a kid who's exploring so many things in the exact medium. We've kind of want a kid to explore in the safety and limitless -ness of play.
When Your Kid Shuts You Out
"When psychologists think about emotions and especially when we think about negative emotions. We don't ever think about like how to get rid of them like that's not really what we think is actually possible or necessary what we're always interested in but we've done a terrible job of sharing with everybody else is what we call. Emotional regulation and regulation is basically a two part process. Which is that sometimes. You regulate emotions by expressing them right talking about what you're feeling and sometimes you regulate emotions by containing them. You know kind of shutting them down a little while which sounds like a bad thing but can really be a good thing. Like if you're you know really really worried about something in your getting stuck in your thinking and you're not feeling better the more you think about it taking a break distracting yourself is probably a good idea what i get to in the peace and what comes up in. This question is the issue of extremes or when kids need help so sometimes kids need help containing emotion so we might say you know what i. Don't you just leave this loan for a little while. come back. We'll talk about it later. And then their kids like this one in the letter who need help expressing emotion bringing their emotions across to get some relief and we really do feel that way. You know we talk and we have all these terms like getting things off your chest airing it out. You know like you know dumping your feelings. There is something in those terms that gets at a real thing about how it's not good for us to carry around distress. It's not good to keep it all stuff down that there's true benefit in getting stuff. That's on the inside and putting it on the outside because usually it just feels better when you're not harboring it so much but it's not easy nice. Couldn't doesn't work in every family. It's not easy and especially if teens are known for sort of clamming up not wanting to talk to you what do you find. Works to get them to open up. I'm guessing it's not ice cream if it's not ice cream you got to have something else. So let's think about the something else. Okay so the giant heading on all of this is don't put them in the hot seat right. I think that this you know this mom writing she says to his kitto. Like how's it going. What's going on doesn't get an answer and she's like should i keep asking. I would say no right. You're already getting a pretty clear signal from the kid that like. They feel on the hot seat with that. And you know a kid who doesn't wanna talk about feelings putting them in the hot seat saying to them like. Tell me what's going on. I'm really curious doesn't work as much as we wish. It would
Is Social Media Placing More Pressure on the Younger Generations?
"Everyone who has a kid that age or even if you are that age like maybe you are john e or you are a millennial you can relate to what they are going through. It's just the same. It's incredible social. Scrutiny that just didn't exist. When i was a kid that didn't exist when many of us were kids unless you grew up in the social media ehrlich and when i say grew up meeting social media existed when you're in middle school you're saying then you don't even understand the level of pressure and the incredible increase of stress anxiety and self imposed pressure that social media places on these generations. He's younger generations. jen's e the. I guess they called the alpha generation and then the millennials like they are struggle with things that we just didn't even have to. We'd have to worry about what millions of strangers are tens of thousands or even a hundred or even forty strangers might think of kids. Today they think about everything their image i mean. Were you thinking about your image. You thinking about what strangers thought of you that you didn't know and other states i mean i wasn't. I mean sure. I was worried about what the kids at my school thought of me and kids today. They have all of that. Plus having to worry about like what the world thinks of them. And i know what you're thinking. Well but they don't have to post what they feel like they have to. It's crazy the amount of pressure and stress. That kids feel because of frigging social media. And you know it's not going away and it creates us again. Social comparison and social scrutiny. Where kids when. I'm saying kids. I hope you guys know them talking. Like millennials gen z. And really anyone who was born before two thousand and ten just to make things simple. I'm going to refer to those age. Groups says kids. Even though i know you might be listening right now. Your millennial your you know jen's and you're like wait a second. I'm an adult. I know but i'm just going to refer to like this whole big group as kids so this group kids which you may be a member of. It's a lot. It's so much more stress. Then what i think. People my generation had to deal
"Like to talk about play date etiquette. I always thought if someone invites my kid to their home for a play date then we invite them to our house for the next one right. I am an introvert with two extrovert daughters. I'm pushed outside of my comfort zone. Every time they request a play date. But i do it for them because it makes them happy so the play date comes. The friend comes over the kids play. Everyone has fun and the kid goes home. But i never hear from their parent again. What's up with this. My kids are friendly. I monitor the play dates and everything seems fine. No arguments and they seem to leave happy. But i keep getting ghosted by other parents. And i bring my own insecurities into this thinking that i or we did something wrong. Maybe i'm being too sensitive but my feelings are hurt. What do you think okay so. I am positive that emily post would say that. You are to return and invitation for a play date that if you are invited over that you should return the invitation that being said. I don't think you should ever invite kids over for a plate in hopes that your kids will get invited. Because you don't know anyone else's situation you do not know what their home life is like. You do not know what it what is going on with the parents schedule. You don't know any of that. So i always think like when i'm trying to orchestrate play dates okay. Can i manage this. Is this something i want to do. Because honestly sometimes the play dates are great like my kids play better when the play date people are here than then when we're like alone like they have to have more snacks right but they're sort of go play on their own. I don't have to do as much interacting with them. So it's really great and i try to have that on on my schedule. I sense here though. Like the personal thing like feeling ghosted by other parents. The thing is you have to invest time in the parents to and especially. When i'm having. I knew plates. I will often now again with kobe. You have to kind of this. How you're doing all this. I don't know how you're if you're in a pot or what the situation is. Maybe you need to be meeting outside at the park. I think one you can have a joint like we'd love to meet you at a park and you know show up with coffee or everybody pickup coffee. Whatever so that you get some time with the parents. Because i think that is. That is a big part of kind of that bonding now. That doesn't mean that you need to make this person your best friend but i think having kids over for a play date is a little bit of relationship building like do. I trust you with my kids. Do you trust me with your
Holding Boundaries in Transitions With Outschool CEO Amir Nathoo
"One of the things. I think for so many of us holding a boundary when our kids are upset especially when we're we know i'm kind of an empathic person i do really care about how you're feeling is really reminding ourselves kind of it goes back to boundaries but whose feelings are who's right like he's sad and that sadness is something i care about but it's not my sadness right. That's he's upset and he is in some ways learning to deal with feelings that come up when someone you love separates right and i'm sure one day when he's older he has some really meaningful relationship and that person moves across the country which would be a different form of separation. You'd say yeah. That would be pretty normal that he felt sad right and we want to teach our kids during these years. Of course you have these feelings. And i know for me when i get back to my room where i'm doing my meeting and i still hear my son crying. It's never easy. It's not the most pleasant part of my day by any means but being able to put my feet on the ground and just saying everyone did their job here okay. he's still crying. That's that's kind of. That's on him that's him. He's doing his job. I did my part. This is a job. Well done right. And i'm asked to in school. Sometimes you've job you do a job well done but still it might not feel great. You're like i kind of think. I made the right decision. But it's just it's still messy right like that happens with our kids alive. I think i made the right decision. It doesn't mean it's clean. And my kid pats me on the back and says oh you're the best ad in the world. Go take that meeting all right. That's not what our kids are usually now. My kids do for me right but again. I think that grounding in jobs kind of can also help us move on with our day and say okay. I'm not a bad parent because my kids crying. 'cause i often think also with those jobs my kid's feelings don't need to change boundaries but also my boundaries don't need to dictate my kid's feelings again. They're just two totally separate things.