Parenting
Toddler tantrums? Troubled teens? Listen to parenting advice on everything from infancy through adolescence, aired on talk radio shows and leading podcasts.
Dating
If a Man Does These 10 Things, His Love for You Will Never End - burst 1
"Reading happy can be hard, so here are three tips. 30 years after my first book being happy was published. I still get emails from readers saying that book really helps. So what are some tips that readers found useful? Number one be kind to yourself. Most of us grew up believing that we weren't good enough that we weren't smart enough we weren't attractive enough. We become our own worst enemy. We beat ourselves up. I know I did. For your life to get better, you need to be your own best friend and forgive yourself for not being perfect. And if you can think of nothing good to say about yourself, then say nothing. You have to at least like yourself. Why? Because to be happy and to enjoy loving relationships, you have to feel I deserve this. Two, you find in life what you look for. If you look for faults in your girlfriend or your husband, you find them. If you look for faults in your job or where you live, you find them. And if you look for good things in your partner or your boss in your Friends and neighbors, you find them unhappy people are always waiting for the world to change. But life changes when you change. Ask yourself every day, what's good about my life? And three, you become what you think about. Everything in your life happens twice. First is an idea in your mind. And then you become a picture. A better life doesn't just happen. It first begins as an idea. You
Parenting: Difficult Conversations
In 'We're Not Broken,' Author Eric Garcia Takes On Myths About Autism
"In the beginning of your book. You mentioned that the writing began in part out of frustration and frustration specifically fueled by how media covers autism. What frustrated you about that. And what were you hoping to do about it in this book so i feel like the frustration i had about the way we talk about autism was that any conversation about autism began and ended with discussion about vaccines. I should say the completely false idea that vaccines caused autism. There is no evidence whatsoever about it and then there was the other part. Which is that if we want to get. We wind up getting past discussing vaccines. There's just a lot of discussion. about curing. autistic people are curing autism or combating autism or fixing autistic people and almost never. Was there any discussion about well. What is it that autistic people need right now. Even if you believe that there should be a cure which i really articulate that. I don't think that there should be cure that there can be a cure for autism. That's something that's a long way down the road and that doesn't really serve autistic people now and i also was frustrated that i felt like almost every discussion about autism focused mostly on white male adolescent boys and i felt like that was a very incomplete. Discussion about autism was a very incomplete excluded. Plenty of autistic people who. Don't that that categorization right right so it. Just it sounds like there's just a lot of myths that get perpetuated through the media which is all too common right and that this in part this was to dispel some of those that have been so pervasive precisely. I think that one of the things that i wanted to do was again to ball from the title of my book. Change the autism conversation to include as many people as possible. Because i felt that there were. There are a lot of pernicious ideas. About what the idea about whether autistic people can live independently or even even if they can't live independently live and they deserve to live in the community rather than institutions or the idea that autistic people can either not work or only work in a very specific sector of science technology engineering mathematics. And i also thought that there were a lot of misconceptions about whether people can have families or have legitimate relationships or legitimate
Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness
How to Stay Calm During a Tantrum
"Every behavior is a communication and so they're communicating that they're emotionally overwhelmed and they need assistance from calm and collected adult right so they really really need. You know we have to make sure kids okay. Make sure they're safe. This is basically the the three steps to how to help during a tantrum is make sure your kids okay and safe physically safe to make sure you're okay. Be okay with making a scene like it's just an emotional outburst it's normal it's not something to shame and blame our child for this happens so forget everybody else. You'd be okay with helping your child and then number three is to stay calm and be present. How do we do that. How do we do that. That's the big question. How do we stay calm. Because it's like you're probably embarrassed. It feels like judgment is happening. It's triggering your own stress response like there's so much happening in this. So stink column is not an easy ask. And that's why calming is the first step in the mindful parenting methods and we have four modules. That work us through different strategies and tools and tips to help you calm reactivity because this is the number one thing that we can do for our kids and to be good. Parents is to be able to calm our own reactivity so that we can be there right so that we can actually be helpers. I'm gonna talk about coming. Rick activity in two ways and one is we need to calm our overall reactivity and so really the best way to remain calm in stressful situations is to reduce your overall stress. You know are you getting enough sleep. Are you getting enough exercise. Are you seeing your friends and family. Are you having downtime. All of those self-care things this is. Why say self cursed not selfish. It is your responsibility because if you are depleted. You're going to be useless for this. Really challenging situation doesn't take much push you over the edge. You're already losing kid and that's a mess. We don't want that. That's not what we want so to calm your overall reactivity in mindful printing where we work on mindfulness because it is one of the best ways research proven ways to change the brain and to reduce our overall reactivity increases our sense of wellness. It helps us sleep better at night. Decreases anxiety decreases depression and big. This is so big for his parents. Increases impulse control so that overall stress levels sleep exercise friends family and a mindfulness practice is huge. It can really really really help. Build that muscle of non
Janet Lansbury Podcast
Parental Burnout with Dr. Meghan Owenz
"I think taking a breath and recognizing that the amount of stress that we're dealing with is abnormal as a society both from the election two murders that we had to witness and honored to be educated about and advocate about to a global pandemic to losing family members to worry about losing family members that level of stress. You know it's been our our nervous system in a place that it's not meant to be for a long period of time and you could see that in terms of how we've handled the pandemic as a society right so in month one were like flat mccur. We've got this really excited about everything we were going to do. At home and bt months or so later we just don't have the energy anymore at at the same level and our children's still do not have the opportunity to be vaccinated and there's a lot of controversy over what's the best way to keep them steve and just navigating through all that information is is exhausting. And just like you said you can kind of make it work for a while. I mean i can only relate this because my children are young and they don't need that kind of for me. They're all adults now. But i can only relate it to times where for some reason you know. Children were sick or it was raining and raining for weeks and it was harder to do the things that we normally wanted to do. And you can handle that as he said for a while you can rise to that occasion as a parent and say okay. Well maybe we'll do the screen thing now because you're sick and i need you to rest. I can go get you some stuff for new projects that you can play with but after a while. It's like the special time that was. I mean special not necessarily in a positive way of course but that's old we didn't know where we're gonna have to maintain it this long right right and so being able to take a breath and recognize that this is not a normal amount of stress likely that many parents have been under in the past year. And a half. And then figure out where you are on that sort of hierarchy of needs in her family. If you're still in that meeting basic physical needs scrambling making sure that you're able to do your job and your baby is fed and that's all you can do. It might be the time for reflection on your parents
Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Kristen Bell and Jackie Tohn Discuss Their Amazon Prime Preschool Series Do, Re & Mi
"I'm so excited to talk about how this even relate to your show because one of the probably most popular videos on my instagram actually has to do with when our kids are in really tricky moments. How everyone's like. Well what do i say. What do i do. And they feel are tone and are kind of connection and even they feel song way before they process words that we have to get their body back to a place of feeling safe. So i i always end up making up songs with my own kids and that idea for parents have. Oh i don't need to get the script right but maybe even song can help me. Regulate itself is is so powerful knocking off out there. I mean that was the impetus for this show is knowing how important music is. It's the reason why we all know. What baby mozart is. Why they say oh. Put it on your belly. It in music changes. Your brain can put you in a different mood. It can grow the neuro plasticity of your brain like there are studies that tell us that kids get better at math than that. Their social skills when they're exposed to music music education the goal. Jackie had this idea with our friend. Michael they brought it over to my living room as a guinea pig. Tester for my kids. Like hey. They looked at my little girl. They were like you like these images. You respond to these songs. And i said what are you doing. They were like well. We're trying to develop a kids show because music. Education is being cut in all public schools right now and my kids go to public school and i was like i. I want them to get as much music education as possible. Because i wouldn't be here without a music. Education sincerely would not have become an actor. It's how i discovered acting. And i have such a profound respect for it and developing the show. It's jackie labels it a sneak. Teach which i love that term. It's an original animated series in. It's it's entertaining but it's also teaching your kids music theory and emotional lesson a musical genre. All in one and like some of my greatest mom moments are when like my kids are begging us. My phone and i need to succumb to that. But i've found a puzzle game where they have to spell and i handed to them with like a sly smile face knowing they're getting educated and the apps that go along with dorian me will be that because they will be able to make music and they will be growing their brains which is really
The Mom Room
A Space for Mom's to Be More Than 'Just Moms' With Mom Halo Founder, Alana Kayfetz
"Halo which was previously known as moms. Te'o mom's toronto was to me like an act of desperation. When i was looking for my girls crew is looking for moms to like connect with and everywhere i went like people didn't talk to each other. It was really weird dynamic. I come from a twelve year history of a community builder. Fundraiser working nonprofit sector. Have always sort of been a gatherer of people and organizer of stuff so i was looking for my crew and i couldn't really find them so i had just moved into the neighborhood. We live now. I'm a young mom. I have my babies. Maybe five months old and i just like flew out on a local facebook page. I'm okay. I'm looking for some moms. Who wanna come over to my house to just maybe hang out at byu. Ob bring your babies. Your boobs in your bottles and bottles met lake. I was obviously like your your baby bottle. Your wine bottle. Hello whatever that was in two thousand. Sixteen that i thought was really clever. And lo and behold like nineteen random. Women's showed up to my like my matchbook cows. They're like i remember. This french canadian woman was like what's the catch. What are you trying to sell me on. Like absolutely nothing. My husband is a retired shops. Like beautiful feud we had like twelve bottles of wine. And we just. I had this aha moment of like moms. Just want to have their identity. Were their moms and also have a baby on everything. Baby baby baby all the time so. I really leaned in hard to this leg putting mom i like baby on the head wide on the lab. That's how it came. In to be. Rene then i remember that year. That was a really cool event in toronto that i really want to go to. It was like a very busy like food and beverage event. And i want to wear my white dress and i wanted to shut my baby with me and i went to go buy tickets. It was like a three hundred dollars ticket and the like. I'm sorry you can't come into nineteen event. I was like my baby is in a stroller. Like you can't bring the baby after this shit. I'm gonna create an event that looks and feels as beautiful as boozy. That's food and beverage where women can bring their baby. And that's how the first ever very mommy wine festival came to be with this like really leaning hard into finding a place where moms could come be themselves have a glass of wine and hang out with their babies fast forward years later and that's secretion of our community now which is now known as the mom halo. We pivoted hard because we realized we were serving women with our virtual digital content that we're like very much outside of the greater toronto area so very canadian following and we still sort of hit hard with i would say epa content. That's both virtual. We are in person really fun and it's not about why right. It's on about getting drunk and being fraternity girls. It's about permission right. It's about giving moms permission to say it's okay for you to be both. You can love being mom behaving mom. You can exercise five days a week. If that's your thing not my thing but if that's your thing and you wanna drink on the weekends that's your thing like just do you like whatever you is just
Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?
Should Teens Be Allowed to Drink at Home?
"Would love to hear your thoughts on parents. Condoning teenage drinking and allowing teenagers to drink with them in their home or on vacation in countries that do not have a drinking age. Thank you so much. What do you think about this. I think it's a great latter rain. What do you think like. Where are you on this because this is something that you know. Reasonable people disagree strongly on this one. Yeah no it. Brought me back to anna maria and my my friend in jerusalem and i it just has always stayed with me. I wasn't apparent at the time. But i always thought to myself when i have kids and i get to that stage. I want them to have a glass of wine with me and experience it and it not to be taboo. Because that's when i feel like people go kids go crazy. I think a lot of people are of that mind and actually. I was raised that way that you know having a sip of wine you know my parents wine if we were having dinner Little champagne if they were celebrating. Something was how. I grew up You know and i was still around plenty of highschool drinking and You know. I took a pretty low key approach to in college and i think you know sort of as not as a psychologist but personally i'm like yeah you know. I think we do a lot of work for me. I'm sorta worked for my kids. I think we couldn't vienna perspective So the truth on this one. Rena as far as i've come to understand. It is a psychologist is. You can actually go either way. Like i don't have a strong feeling like you know if have a strong feeling about something. I'll say it. I feel like parents can get this right either by. I'm gonna use finger quotes allowing drinking. You know not finger selena by either by allowing drinking in their home with their underage child or they can get it right by saying no. You know the way the law's set up as you're really not supposed to drink till you're twenty one And we're gonna stick with that what matters to me. Is the conversations get wrapped around it to me. It's much less important. You know what the rule is. It's much more important to me that the parent take advantage of whatever rule they make to have broader conversations about an alcohol in that kid's life.
Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?
When Your Kid Shuts You Out
"When psychologists think about emotions and especially when we think about negative emotions. We don't ever think about like how to get rid of them like that's not really what we think is actually possible or necessary what we're always interested in but we've done a terrible job of sharing with everybody else is what we call. Emotional regulation and regulation is basically a two part process. Which is that sometimes. You regulate emotions by expressing them right talking about what you're feeling and sometimes you regulate emotions by containing them. You know kind of shutting them down a little while which sounds like a bad thing but can really be a good thing. Like if you're you know really really worried about something in your getting stuck in your thinking and you're not feeling better the more you think about it taking a break distracting yourself is probably a good idea what i get to in the peace and what comes up in. This question is the issue of extremes or when kids need help so sometimes kids need help containing emotion so we might say you know what i. Don't you just leave this loan for a little while. come back. We'll talk about it later. And then their kids like this one in the letter who need help expressing emotion bringing their emotions across to get some relief and we really do feel that way. You know we talk and we have all these terms like getting things off your chest airing it out. You know like you know dumping your feelings. There is something in those terms that gets at a real thing about how it's not good for us to carry around distress. It's not good to keep it all stuff down that there's true benefit in getting stuff. That's on the inside and putting it on the outside because usually it just feels better when you're not harboring it so much but it's not easy nice. Couldn't doesn't work in every family. It's not easy and especially if teens are known for sort of clamming up not wanting to talk to you what do you find. Works to get them to open up. I'm guessing it's not ice cream if it's not ice cream you got to have something else. So let's think about the something else. Okay so the giant heading on all of this is don't put them in the hot seat right. I think that this you know this mom writing she says to his kitto. Like how's it going. What's going on doesn't get an answer and she's like should i keep asking. I would say no right. You're already getting a pretty clear signal from the kid that like. They feel on the hot seat with that. And you know a kid who doesn't wanna talk about feelings putting them in the hot seat saying to them like. Tell me what's going on. I'm really curious doesn't work as much as we wish. It would
The Chalene Show
Is Social Media Placing More Pressure on the Younger Generations?
"Everyone who has a kid that age or even if you are that age like maybe you are john e or you are a millennial you can relate to what they are going through. It's just the same. It's incredible social. Scrutiny that just didn't exist. When i was a kid that didn't exist when many of us were kids unless you grew up in the social media ehrlich and when i say grew up meeting social media existed when you're in middle school you're saying then you don't even understand the level of pressure and the incredible increase of stress anxiety and self imposed pressure that social media places on these generations. He's younger generations. jen's e the. I guess they called the alpha generation and then the millennials like they are struggle with things that we just didn't even have to. We'd have to worry about what millions of strangers are tens of thousands or even a hundred or even forty strangers might think of kids. Today they think about everything their image i mean. Were you thinking about your image. You thinking about what strangers thought of you that you didn't know and other states i mean i wasn't. I mean sure. I was worried about what the kids at my school thought of me and kids today. They have all of that. Plus having to worry about like what the world thinks of them. And i know what you're thinking. Well but they don't have to post what they feel like they have to. It's crazy the amount of pressure and stress. That kids feel because of frigging social media. And you know it's not going away and it creates us again. Social comparison and social scrutiny. Where kids when. I'm saying kids. I hope you guys know them talking. Like millennials gen z. And really anyone who was born before two thousand and ten just to make things simple. I'm going to refer to those age. Groups says kids. Even though i know you might be listening right now. Your millennial your you know jen's and you're like wait a second. I'm an adult. I know but i'm just going to refer to like this whole big group as kids so this group kids which you may be a member of. It's a lot. It's so much more stress. Then what i think. People my generation had to deal
Mom and Dad Are Fighting
Playdate Etiquette
"Like to talk about play date etiquette. I always thought if someone invites my kid to their home for a play date then we invite them to our house for the next one right. I am an introvert with two extrovert daughters. I'm pushed outside of my comfort zone. Every time they request a play date. But i do it for them because it makes them happy so the play date comes. The friend comes over the kids play. Everyone has fun and the kid goes home. But i never hear from their parent again. What's up with this. My kids are friendly. I monitor the play dates and everything seems fine. No arguments and they seem to leave happy. But i keep getting ghosted by other parents. And i bring my own insecurities into this thinking that i or we did something wrong. Maybe i'm being too sensitive but my feelings are hurt. What do you think okay so. I am positive that emily post would say that. You are to return and invitation for a play date that if you are invited over that you should return the invitation that being said. I don't think you should ever invite kids over for a plate in hopes that your kids will get invited. Because you don't know anyone else's situation you do not know what their home life is like. You do not know what it what is going on with the parents schedule. You don't know any of that. So i always think like when i'm trying to orchestrate play dates okay. Can i manage this. Is this something i want to do. Because honestly sometimes the play dates are great like my kids play better when the play date people are here than then when we're like alone like they have to have more snacks right but they're sort of go play on their own. I don't have to do as much interacting with them. So it's really great and i try to have that on on my schedule. I sense here though. Like the personal thing like feeling ghosted by other parents. The thing is you have to invest time in the parents to and especially. When i'm having. I knew plates. I will often now again with kobe. You have to kind of this. How you're doing all this. I don't know how you're if you're in a pot or what the situation is. Maybe you need to be meeting outside at the park. I think one you can have a joint like we'd love to meet you at a park and you know show up with coffee or everybody pickup coffee. Whatever so that you get some time with the parents. Because i think that is. That is a big part of kind of that bonding now. That doesn't mean that you need to make this person your best friend but i think having kids over for a play date is a little bit of relationship building like do. I trust you with my kids. Do you trust me with your
Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting?
I Don't Like My Kid's Friends. What Do I Do?
"There's different kinds problems that could be happening here and if we can home in on what the problems might be it actually then gives us a way to think about what might be done about it so the first question i would ask is is the daughter uncomfortable about these friendships because especially at seventeen. You're going to need her. Buy in to make any changes and is not clear from the letter. But i think it's the kind of question that apparent would ask first anytime they don't feel good about a kids friends and this this is on the older side. She seventeen but this happens all through development. You know where you're like really that kid. You wanna hang out with that kid. And i think even with younger kids parents can feel like they want to get in and intervene and engineer and try to create distance from a kiddo that they're not so keen on but even with younger kids the question i would have parents ask i is. Does my kid have any reservations about this friendship. And if they don't but you do well so that's interesting. So i think i you wanna look for that possibility where you say to them you know. I'm imagining malik. A younger came. Because i think that's especially when parents can feel very interventionist. You know every time you hang out with. Billy you guys get yourself in trouble. Have you noticed this. You know that kind of question. And i think you could get a couple of different answers. the could be like actually a have no say so. What do you want to do about that right now. This is an ideal situation. Because you've got. The kid is in some conflict about themselves into the. They've got a problem as far as they're concerned which then means they're much more likely to partner with you or take some initiative around trying to fix the problem of you know hanging out with a kid who gets themselves in trouble. That'd be great. It also may be really 'cause like yeah. Whatever billy's lots of fun you know in their kid does not seem to be much conflict about it at
Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness
Mothering Ourselves With Oprah’s Life Coach Iyanla Vanzant
"Did you have to learn how to mother yourself because lost your mother you that had to be part of it. Tell me a little more about that. Well like i said the mother. The purpose of mothering is to nourish to teach to beautify. That's what mothers do. That's what mothering is. I mean we nourish our children whether we're breastfeeding bottle feeding. We nurtured them. Meaning we provide them with the environment. The tools skills that allow them to grow in full. We teach everything from eating to walking to potty training to how to use the correct fork at the table and then the beautification. I think is just how we teach and demonstrate to our children how to present in the world to present in a space on environment and because i was raised in a kind of disjointed dysfunctional environment. I didn't know how do any of that so my first step was to teach myself. I had to noce myself in nourish myself. I had to teach myself so many things about being a woman about being a mother. Let me say an. And in the teaching i had to unlearn so many things that have been passed on to me. That were self denying dysfunctional. D harmonizing you. You name it. So i had to unlearn and then teach myself how to do so many things. I knew how to cook a knew how to wash clothes knew how to clean a house. I didn't know how to honor my feelings at didn't know how to ask but what i wanted. I didn't know that. What i thought and celt mattered mattered own that it was to be a priority in my life so learning those things and being able to do it. And as a way of nourishing and nurturing myself a took probably twenty years of my life. So i think many mama's lose that you know we we we don't get it
Talking Tech
Download These Apps for Back to School Season
"Had to break it to you but summer is almost over now for many kids. This means going back to the classroom and it also means parents searching for supplies. Close whatever they need to get ready for back to school season. Of course it also means lots of other things to you're juggling homework. Assignments potentially extracurricular activities and so on and so forth. fortunately for all of us we have our smartphones and we have other technology that can help. There are a ton about apps out there for both kids and adults. They can help them get used to this and just get ready for the new year and help them get a head start so we're gonna talk quickly about a couple of those apps and how they can help your kids and how they can help you The first one is quiz limit It's basically an app for flash cards so if you're studying and you need to pull together some flash cards and put them on your phone. You can do that very easily on your mobile device. You can input them indirectly. There's also a subscription option where you can scan images and use those in your flash cards as well. There's other stuff as well as part of the subscription including expert explanations for textbooks so if your kids reading a textbook and they come across a difficult section they have someone there to explain it to you so it's really interesting stuff another fun. One is photograph It's ideal for both kids and parents and speaking of someone who is seeing their kids get older and they're mad. Get a lot harder. This is going to be an app. I'm probably gonna use quite a bit. Would photo math does is. You can take pictures of math problems. And then the app solves them and along with solving them. You actually get a step by step. Look at how to solve them. So it's really fascinating. It's a really you know. Maybe not as fun for parents of kids who are trying to struggle with these math problems. What super useful super helpful But it's not just these apps for learning that that are really good as well There's also apps for organizing for calendars one that jumps out to me. That i use quite a bit is fantastical It's honestly my personal favourite calendar
Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness
Why Do We Lose It, Even Though We Know How We Should Respond?
"It's an incredibly frustrating experience because for a lot of us where you know you're pud cast listener podcast. Listeners tend to be. we tend to be highly educated. Like at least for me. I'll speak for myself. You know like. I got the good grades. I got on a roll in high school. I got a good gpa. In college. I went to grad school. I could do a lot of things. And then when i was those physician with my child where i knew how i wanted to respond. I just couldn't do. It was so so frustrating. And i've worked with people in the mindful parenting members of people who are like who are early childhood educators. You know they may teach preschool. And they're so frustrated because they really really know how they should respond uneven. They can do it. They're having all this frustration. So in the years of study and trainings. i've had since then and there's a lot let me tell you. I learned this really really vital piece of information. And that is this hour. Stress response starts in our magdala which is like they're like these little almond shaped clusters in our brain in mid brain and our brain stem which they are like the alarm bells of the brain. So when you're losing it. It is that stress responses starts in the magdala. And so even though you know how you should respond and what you should say. The amid delilah literally according literally cuts off access bypasses the prefrontal cortex. Which is the area of your brain behind your forehead the area where all your problem solving ability your higher order thinking your verbal ability your empathy originate like so all of those things that you need and want to draw on in these difficult moments with your kids. All these things are originally in the prefrontal cortex area of the brain and the amiga. The stress response literate. It's like they call it in migdal hijack because it literally bypasses you're thinking brain when you're losing it and when you're in the stress response
Dr. Drew Podcast
How to Identify Childhood Trauma With Kati Morton
"This has been going on for a long time that childhood trauma. We're childhood trauma primarily. Yes yeah this. What trauma is and how to identify. Who should be thinking about this. I think probably the broadest definition for trauma is anything that happens in her life that makes us fear for our safety or the safety of someone else and it is overwhelming to our system so much so that we are unable to process. In the moment. I tell people to think about feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. That that's that's the sign that you're in one of those moments and we want to talk about what happens to people when they're in a dramatic situation terms of their brain and psychology. Yes of course For people who don't know when when you are overwhelmed when our nervous system is overwhelmed it pushes us into what's called her stress response or what we usually call fight flight. And dr peter. Levin is a great example of the reason that we talk about fight flight freeze because when our body goes into the stress response readiness to take action right. Can i can fight this threat to my system or may safety or can i run away and it was his belief that when we can't do either of those which happens a lot more children right because we're not strong enough or fast enough. We can feel trapped. We go into that free state like play dead kind of situation. It is his belief and research obviously proves it that in the free state is is one of the ways. Ptsd in those symptoms are born because of that helpless. Like i like you said hopeless. Helpless feeling is is definitely what causes us to be traumatized. And there's actually a name for that neurologically it's called jacksonian. Disillusion where we see brains. Don't evolve into different systems. We sort of add stuff on top and we go from this fight or flight response. That is a fairly evolved. Mammalian thing to a deeper mechanism. That's in our brainstorm mediated by the vegas nerve we did. How many interviews a steven porges at least two or three probably theory. We he's going to give us the number of those those interviews and he talks about the political theory. How how the pro. Social emotional exchange system of the vegas nerve becomes not functioning when the free
WBZ Afternoon News
FDA: Pfizer Vaccine Not for Off-Label Use in Young Kids
Babes and Babies
Elimination Communication with Go Diaper Free Founder Andrea Olson
"You were saying. You're hardly ever pooped in a diaper. So people listening are like wilbon. Where did they poop in the toilet or with breastfed baby. I let mine poop in the sink better for my back and it just rinse down and it's my sink but you know in the toilet There are these little top hat potties. Also start. I brought those to market a couple years ago because they stopped making them in singapore but in third world countries. You'll come across these top half hotties that you hold between your legs and They go in that. So yeah instead of using the diaper as a toilet use the toilet as a toilet from whenever you hear about e. c. and ec. Elimination communications. Basically you start any time between here. Eighteen months and it's based on their inborn instinct. They don't like their mammals. We are all mammals. And no ma'am all likes to soil. They're den or their caregiver or themselves so when they're crying and crying and you're like oh i've tried everything i've tried the breasts of trade to shush and the five s.'s. The whole harvey carb thing. Nothing is working. My baby is still crying. Then you look in their debris and you're like oh you and poop. You just wanted to be changed. It's actually not what was happening if you rewind a little bit. They're crying so you would take the thing off. Take the diaper off so that they could go hygienically. And if you think about it we wouldn't have lasted this long as a human species if we weren't born with those instincts to be clean and dry and so babies are constantly communicating to their parents. Hey i need this or any of that and with you see is just a matter of figuring out what that is for your baby and yeah it doesn't. There's no i'm too late. And there's no oh i have to do this. Full on every single line poop ec as an exposure technique so literally whenever you find out about it before eighteen months is all good and then yeah you totally do get to start wrapping it up at eleven months or even if you kind of have asked started or whatever and then you're like okay. I'm going to get serious now. She's walking This is a great time. Because in montessori school of thought this is the sensitive period twelve to eighteen months where this is their developmental task so they actually really want control over this during that period. So we always. I always recommend wrapping it up starting at walking and then yet by the time eighteen months comes around like if you remove the diapers early enough. It's so much easier and babies rise to the occasion. They're like oh and they've been watching you. They've been watching you and you're going bathroom and they're like i want to do that and i'm walking and i can and it like it's so straightforward of their instincts
Motherhood in Black & White
How and When to Talk Politics With Your Kids
"Is it safe to say that. This is probably an area where parents struggle a lot with talking to their kids about. What's going on with the politics right now. yes. I think it's a very fair assumption. Yeah there's a lot of. I mean there's a whole lot outside of just the politics. I think news cycles and specifically twenty twenty s. Got plenty of information to share and i know khanjian. I've talked about this in the past with my son. i'm not always great about bringing it to him. I kind of wait for him to come to me. And do you think that's something parents struggle with like. How much lay at their kids feet. Yeah i do. I think that's a good point. I think that there are some topics that as parents we don't feel very equipped or comfortable talking about and so we kinda dodge that conversation if they if they're not bringing it up than i'm not going to eat are the other reason for that. Is there some topics that parents all of us are unsure like should i open a can of worms like. Should i introduce a topic that perhaps they're not worried about so why to create an issue for them. If there isn't one already yeah surprising for those couple reasons. Parents do kind of struggle with wind. Should i initiate a conversation about a topic i can. Oh hasn't brought it up themselves. And how how do i do that. And then if they do you bring up the topic on the round response yet. So let's maybe break that down a little bit. If a kid has not brought up this topic what would you suggest. Parents say to their kids and maybe we break it down even further and talk about kids by age group. Is that something that you would suggest that. they're different. Conversations that one has with younger kids versus middle school age size schools h. Kids completely i do. I do think it's very different. I think the decision as a as to whether or not to discuss happens. Discussions with kids is a sensitive developmentally sensitive. And then how you go about having this conversations in the words you use and how you approach is definitely on a developmental
Raising Good Humans
Separating Punishment and Consequences with Dr. Joshua Sparrow
"About teaching and learning and growing as parents that's part of what we signed up for is to help our children learn and grow in part of our role in helping them is when things go wrong when they're having our tone when they're doing things that create problems for them for other people or could there safety in jeopardy. Our job is to help them learn grow. I think the problem with disciplinary approaches. That offer aversive punishments or seductive rewards. Is that you can actually extinguish behaviors that way. But i don't think that there is sustainable. Learning that can be extrapolated in that applied to other related challenges as the child grows over time whereas there are other skills and understandings that children can learn in the midst of These kinds of challenges that they can take with them. It takes lots repetition lots of practice but they can take with them sustainably over time as they grown day can refer back to together so i would separate consequences from punishments and if you think of your consequences of punishment then you'll get the response to the punishment gets which is a challenge ashamed and humiliated in defensive and hurts in angry and they may do what you say but they're not gonna take in. What the learning opportunity is so if if you intended as a punishment for it feels like it's the punishment to you. That is not gonna work now. The consequence if you think of it as non punishment may still not be something. A child's really thrilled to do gotten record. Learning is because in life. There's all kinds of things we all have to learn to do that. We're not thrilled to do. And you know what you can't wait until they're adults to help them through those kinds of experiences way too late in fact you can't wait till they're six or seven. They really need our help. Dealing with the hard things in life of the things that they wanna do earlier than that. Because if you wait until six or seven. They're going to struggle so much that they're not going to be able to get through every day for the
Mindful Mama - Parenting with Mindfulness
Do You Need a United Front With Your My Partner When Parenting?
"You need a quote united front first of all. I hate the war imagery in parenting. It is not a war between the parents and the children. All right. I know i totally get that. Sometimes it can feel that way but if you and your partner are always on the same page and always have the same answer. that's great. That's wonderful that really actually helps enormously right. If you agree on the same parenting style rock on it does make things a lot easier because you help each other out. But it's actually false that you need to have a united front. It's simply not true. And why not because the truth is that we don't always agree with our partners and that's just part of life you know it's wonderful when you do agree and it works out really well when you both parent the same way. But you don't always have to agree. Plus if you are in this is the real clincher for me. If you're falsely united like if you're faking it then your child will see the lie behind that and they will learn not to trust you. You know if you pretend that that sewer belief because it's your partners belief than your child's gonna cosc- right through that they're gonna it's gonna start to undermine that trust which is really unfortunate because that trust is the reason why your child corporates of you. It's that connection that trust so you might think that you need to have your husband your partner on board to be able to make any changes your parenting style or method. But that's also really not true. Your partner may want to spank and punish and you may not feel that way and then to pretend that you do is simply ally that united front is ally. So we don't always feel the same way as our partner and we don't have to in mindful parenting. We acknowledged that you are more than just your role as your parent. You are a person and your child will see right through you if you pretend to be falsely united because kids have amazing. B s meters. They will see right through that and you'll undermine your relationship with your
Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker
Talking to Your Teen About Their Sexual Identity
"Dear. dr mc. My sixteen year old daughter is experiencing i issues. She doesn't talk with me about it but she has to her brother and some close friends. I wanna reaffirm to her that it's okay to be a girl and straight and still struggle with your sexuality and identity and that you don't have to be non binary or change your pronouns or be bisexual. She did experience some sexual abuse. So i believe a lot of this stems from how she's dealing with that she's also in theater and has been exposed to a lot of people who've changed their gender identity. I want to get some therapy but worry with a culture today that it would just reinforcer feelings and desires. Please help my little girl. Well first of all thank you so much for writing you know. Our kids are living in a time where life is extremely confusing particularly when it comes to their sexual identity and their sexuality. We're living in a culture. That sexualizing is our daughters and our son's it makes them feel as though their sexuality is the most important part of their identity that they're worth comes from their sexuality that their sexuality trump's their identity as a human being and this is wrong. Here's what i would encourage you to do. This is what i do with kids in my office. First of all. I would address your daughter in a larger context and i would say to her honey. I understand that you're struggling with your sexuality and your sexual identity and you know a lot of kids your age do but here's the thing. Why don't we put your sexual identity on the back burner for awhile and focus on you. Developing bigger parts of who. You are focused on developing your character. Your skills your natural gifts so that you're not thinking about your sexual identity as much because many kids your age become obsessed with
The Mom Room
What Not to Spend Money On: The Crib
"The next thing. I want to talk about which i'm happy that we didn't spend money on is nursery decor and a crib or like the baby furniture for the nursery. So i obviously. I wanted to but i ended up finding a really cute set that i loved that matched the kind of room that i wanted him to have when he was a baby. I'll share a picture of his nursery on instagram. actually so we ended up getting a set of a tall dresser and then a lower dresser and then his crib from kia. And i think all three of those pieces of furniture came up to like five hundred or six hundred dollars whereas cribs that i were i was looking at that. Were really nice. And in the nice baby stores were like just. The crib itself was like six hundred or over so that crib was amazing. It had drawers on the bottom and we used that up until we switched him to a bed. And it's still like in mint condition. I am happy that we did not spend a lot of money on the crib knocking ally and to be honest when we travel to my husband's parents house in vancouver or to my parents property to my sister's house we just bought one of the. I think it's one hundred dollars and it's like a would basic crib for my kierra. And if i was you know. If i knew what i know now and i was having my first baby again i would just by that one hundred dollar kia crib. And that's it. i wouldn't even buy one. That's more
Mommies Tell All
Maintaining Friendships as a Mom with Dr. Kirmayer
"I have the question of if you have like a friend. That's been your friend for forever and life gets in the way and then like you feel like you can't give effort. They can't give offer at the time that you like even get together. It's just weird like it's not what it was before but does that mean it can mean a lot of different things. You know one of the big questions that i always like to think about and encourage clients to think about is are both on the same page because if both people are picking up on this awkwardness or felt distance or feel like things have changed then. That's a really good indicator that the friendship has potential. And that you might be able to move through this move past it. Find new ways to connect what really gets us into trouble and can create a lot of heartache is when one person is feeling that distance and wanting to hang onto the friendship and the other person as checked out emotionally not to say that those situations can't be worked through either as well but it takes on a different feel and a different flavor for shore one of the things that i like to kind of encourage think about is. Can we talk about the elephant in the room. Can we know it is. It's really hard but we wouldn't hesitate in the same way if this romantic relationship if somebody if we were in a committed relationship and we felt like things were weird and were no longer on the same page or in the same place. We'd probably label it hard when busy would be uncomfortable but we wouldn't have that same resistance and for a number of reasons when it comes to friendships. We totally shy away from having those kinds of direct confrontations.
Parenting: Difficult Conversations
Becoming A Stepparent
"Let's look at practical ways to meet the crisis of being a step parent a little easier essentially a roadmap. I wish i had the first takeaway is to reset your expectations. Understand and accept that being stepfamily is a very different dynamic. From what dr. Patricia pap now calls a first time family. She's a psychologist and author of three books. On step parenting a stepparent enters as an outsider to an already established bond between the parent and child and also an already established system and the other thing is that kids are hard wired to connect to their parents. They often are not very interested. Ranging to rejecting of having a step parent come in and disrupt their lives even something as small as how you stack. The dishwasher can feel like a big difference for child. Who's gotten used to a certain way of doing things. So it's a very very different start. And it means the parent and the stepparent are in really really different positions. The parent is an insider connected to the child and the stepparent is an outsider stepfamilies. A common according to a twenty eleven pew study more than four in tanna. American adults have at least one stepparent in their family. But pap says often we don't talk about. How challenging it is to become that family if you came in expecting to bond with kids and expecting to feel really close to your partner. There's a lot of shame. Often it just acknowledging that your family is different can provide a more realistic grounded perspective and give you permission not to beat yourself up. Remember what batzeli said having too many plans on expectation of what you think that should be like is the absolute worse where our transition in here right. We're all trying to figure it
News and Perspective with Taylor Van Cise
Parents Face Rising Prices for Back-to-School Gear
"Are now expected to spend more than ever to get their kids ready to go back to school more from Cuomo's Ryan Yamamoto, according to the National Retail Association, families will spend on average $848.90 That's $59 more than last year. But while parents may have no issue Opening their wallets. Jason Parker Parker Financial warns. Finding The items they want to buy could be a problem because of the global supply shortage and the fact that so many things need to be replaced. Just all the little things you know pencils, pens, kids are going to need binders and lunch boxes and backpacks and because they didn't do any of that shopping last year, all of that stuff is probably going to need to be replaced. And so we're seeing if we're going to see a lot of spending this year on school supplies, along with shopping early to get what they bomb, Parker says Parents need to keep in mind because of the supply shortage. That could make prices go up.
Janet Lansbury Podcast
Being Unruffled Is All About Knowing Where Your Child's Behavior Comes From
"I would not be doing a podcast stuff your feelings hide your emotions if you do. Listen here than you know. That i'm all about the opposite. I'm all about encouraging normalization of emotions all emotions having a curious attitude about them encouraging our child to express all there's no judgment on emotions and yes. We do need to do that for ourselves. As well as models but when i speak about being unruffled what unruffled really is is an understanding of our child and child development and behavior. What causes children to do these kinds of things that this parent shares about screaming in her mother's face throwing books saying she doesn't want to be hugged or kissed those the only actual examples that she gave. But i can picture a lot of things that children this age do. So why do children do this. What's going on with them when we understand that and can connect with it. We're still not going to be perfect. Yes we are going to get triggered or have an emotional reaction to certain things but not as much and the more we practice. What we're seeing here. Which is in all of these cases. Maybe not quite the affection one. But i'll get to that but in these cases of behavior that yes could make us angry or annoyed. The reason our child is doing that. Is impulse impulse. That comes from dysregulation emotional centers. They've gone into fight flight or freeze. They are in. What mondale hooked calls the red zone. They're not using their brains and their reason to do what's right. What they know in the frontal part of their brain is right. That part is getting hijacked by their emotions and tina pain. Bryson dan siegel talk about children flipping their lid. Well that sounds very extreme like something. We would definitely notice right if my child was just going off completely. Sometimes that does happen. We noticed that but through all these other subtler forms of it things like. Here's one that maybe we can relate to as adults. Maybe i've i'm on a diet and cutting sugar out but you my friend see me. There's a candy bar there. And i grab it. Tear the repre start taking bites. Am i super upset their m. i. Flipping my lid not really. But i've done something impulsive. That i don't want to do and so my friend telling me jennings shouldn't do that. Wouldn't be a helpful thing to say because i know i'm not supposed to do it and i did it anyway. An impulse may be do
Food Issues
The Dangers of Sugar and Children
"We all know that sugar isn't good for us but really let's take a deep dive into why we really need to limit it in our kids diets. Oh absolutely well. I think you know. Sometimes we forget that during times of rapid growth like in childhood and adolescence that you know kids bodies are really sensitive to the influence of dieting activity. Because they're growing so fast they're seltzer turning over rapidly and that makes them especially vulnerable to the effects of food of physical activity and weight and even environmental damage that can occur and so we really need to put an emphasis during this time of rapid cell growth to make sure that the genes that are being activated or turning on towards health not towards a genetic susceptibility and sugar can actually displace some of these high value. Nutrition foods that play in essential role not just in growth but an immunity but also cognition and genetic expression okay. That's something that we don't typically hear about. And so what about the things we do hear about a lot in terms of childhood obesity. Type two diabetes like these things. We should be concerned about. Oh absolutely i mean first off anytime you look at childhood obesity wolf whether you know kids are really actually normal weight or an overweight. Too much sugar again. Just places. high value nutrition and micronutrients that can increase the inflammatory process that leads to chronic disease over time. Even kids who were teenagers who are overweight and adolescents have a significantly higher risk of colon cancer later in life. I mean we're even seeing precursors in heart disease in children. I mean if you look at like obesity in preschoolers. I think it's risen from around five percent in the early seventies like nineteen seventy two up to close to fourteen percent
Raising Good Humans
How Talking About Feelings Helps Raise Kind and Generous Kids With Author Melinda Wenner Moyer
"I started the book with kindness and generosity and helpfulness. Because i felt like those were kind of like really key traits that to me was sort of the opposite of ass. Hillary like. that's how i kind of conceived these like what are the traits. That are the opposite of what you would have if you were an asshole. So yeah i think with generosity and helpfulness. They think that was surprising. Was how the how the research really clearly showed that talking about feelings and allowing your kids to have feelings acknowledging them. Validating them that is a really important foundation for the development of generosity and helpfulness. You know because it's kind of counterintuitive. Like why would talking about feelings make a child more helpful more generous. But then when i dug into the research i mean it. It does make sense because you know kids in order to be generous in order to be helpful. You kind of have to be able to recognize another person's feelings and other person's state of mind and put yourself in their shoes and figure out what they need. What would make them feel better. What what would make them happier and in order to do that. You really have to be pretty fluid in the language of emotions and sort of understanding and recognizing them and so yeah. The research pretty clearly shows that like talking about feelings is a really important aspect of helping your kids develop these these