Love and Relationships
Listen to insightful takes on love, intimacy and relationships in all their forms, broadcast on leading talk radio shows and premium podcasts. Learn how to build and maintain healthy relationships with loved ones and hear stories about modern love, romance, friendship and family.
Dr. Drew Podcast
A highlight from Molly McPherson
"We love the Corolla Faithful over there. Speaking of Faithful, I am a faithful follower of Molly McPherson. You can follow her at Molly, M -L -L -L -Y, McPherson, M -C -P -H -E -R -S -O -N. Instagram is at molly .mcpherson and TikTok at mollybmcpherson, which is I mostly run across Molly. YouTube at Molly McPherson. Molly a is PR expert, particularly as it pertains to things like crises and apologies and cancellations. Her sort of axiom is don't let a social media crisis turn into a full -blown PR disaster, which is these days pretty difficult. Molly, thank you for joining us. Oh, it's great to be here. Hello, Dr. Drew. I share my enthusiasm speaking with you as well. Now, before the mics heated up, you said we go way back, and Gary turned off all of our mics. Save it for air. So here we go. How do we go way back? No, well, we go, I mean, not personally, but in fandom was I was reflecting that I was the mom who would allow my young daughters to watch Teen Mom, and we would have all these conversations about you in your tell -all episodes, which was interesting. So when I was telling them that I was speaking with you, they immediately remembered that. So I followed you ever since. So interesting. Well, thank you for that. That thing is still going. It's like we're 12 years into this, and it was a very scary proposition. When they came, you know, we had done Loveline for 20 years on the radio at that point, and I knew how, you know, there was no internet, there was no source of information, and I just knew how adolescents responded to narratives and relatable sources, and then they would listen to my explanations if I was in with these cases, so to speak, because that's how we invented Loveline, which is really HIV and AIDS was really what that was in response to. Well, yeah. And there's a similarity because you serve as this counselor, which really dovetails into what I do as well. Like I don't consider myself a crisis communication expert by any means. I comment on it, but it's also the counsel of it because most people that I either work with or I'm watching, they're in their, oh crap moment, and they need someone to kind of bring them down, and that's how I look at it. Oh my God, yes. I want to get into the weeds on all that. And so let me just finish my thought about the teen mom. When they came to me with that, I thought, oh, this will impact teen pregnancy. This will have an effect. And lo and behold, the quarter that teen moms started airing, teen pregnancy in the United States started declining. Now people can say that might be an association and blah, blah, blah, not necessarily causative. So they actually did two academic studies where they looked at the amount of viewership of teen mom versus the incidence of pregnancy in those communities. And there was an inverse relationship. So it was clearly having a marked impact, which was desirable. But it was a high wire act when they were 16. It was so scary. I felt like they had to be like, I was like the caretaker for these kids. And it was really challenging at the beginning. Yeah, you had to be quite nimble in your conversation as well, if I remember, but I'm an example of one of the reasons why. Not only were we watching it because it was unique television at the time, but certainly the lessons imparted because it started conversation with me and my daughters. And that was what I used to say back when we would do Loveline, that that was the highest compliment we could get, was that it would generate conversation with parents so they could impart their values and sort of explanation and be the source for that child now that they'll hopefully come back to. So again, you're modeling exactly what this whole thing was supposed to do. So thank you for that. Thank your daughters as well. So let's get into this world of apologies and PR and all this stuff. Maybe I'll start with myself and where I'm at today, because it's just odd to me that I'm speaking to you today when I woke up very upset about a bunch of stuff. You want to dig into it with me? Well, as your counselor, I'm dying to hear. Tell me. So I let me give you the whole history. So back in it must have been December of 2019 or something, I could see the panic that the press was diligently inducing in the American public. And I was alarmed that they were seemingly consciously they were like in a hysteria to try to create a panic in the United States. And I pushed back on that very hard. And I was saying, you know, and at the time I was saying, look, you're not going to get this thing COVID we're talking about. You're more likely to get hit by an asteroid right now. Relax. Everybody calm down. And every time I made that comment, I would end it with saying, listen, I've worked around Fauci since the AIDS epidemic. He is my hero. Let him be your North Star. Just listen to the CDC and we'll be fine. Well, somebody made a montage of all my hey, don't worry about this. Don't worry about this. Don't worry about this. Cut off the listen to the experts and do what they tell you. And that became a viral video that got viewed three million times. I became a COVID denier and a mega nut or something, which is I'm a Democrat. I'm actually independent now. I'm just an independent. I'm associated not with certainly the right. And that that went on and it got so bad and people were in such a hysteria at the time, they started threatening the lives of my children and everything else. And I made an apology that if you find it, you'll probably like it because I said, look, I I got the infective and I tried to assess what were the things I got wrong. And one of the things I did get wrong was the infectivity of this thing and the the cytokine element, which none of us knew about at the time. I said, I got these two things wrong. I apologize. I certainly would not have done so if I'd had this information at my hand. What I'm going to do is I'm going to sign up as a volunteer both in New York and California to serve as a physician volunteer on the front lines in the ICU. And I went so far and actually signed up and I was excited about doing it. I really wanted to go to New York. California ignored me for some reason. I didn't get into the California system. But in New York, I went all the way through the interview process and they I'm skilled at this stuff. I know how to do these ICU. I did it for decades. And they were like, pleased that they had somebody know how to do this stuff and stand by, we'll bring you out. And then they never brought me in. So that was the extent of it. And then this thing just sort of sat there forever. And so for the next three years, I have continued to state my position and talk about what we know and what the controversies are. I actually did a nightly newscast in Los Angeles about COVID where we talked about all the challenges, all the difficulties and interviewed people who had loved ones that died and people, ICU doctors that were dealing with the cytokine story. In no way was I denying or I was in the midst of it all, but that never went away. And so today I've been asked to go speak at a pharmacy convention for like in the fall and a bunch of pharmacists, really loud, really obnoxious, hateful people got in and said, how can you do this MAGA denier? How can you possibly, how far have you fallen in this organization? And that's what I woke up to this morning. Oh, okay. So this is a lot of timing. So speaking of timing, what happened to you happened to be the topic of a podcast that I recorded this morning. About Scott Adams. And even Scott Adams, when you were referring to everything that happened, you used a Dilbert term of loser think. So it's interesting that you have this very somewhat tangent connection to him, yet both of you had the same consequence over a very third rail topic. His, of course, is about racism for people who know. I mean, right now, he recorded this YouTube video. He feels he was taken out of context. And he's been summarily canceled everywhere, literally and figuratively canceled. We don't have the Dilbert comment streak anymore. However, both of you had the same thing happen to you in the medium culture, which is you were taken out of context. And that context was editing. They clipped a portion of what you said, and then they cut it off. Now, what I think Scott Adams did that was incorrect, and what you just happened to do, where it happened to you, is the medium that you choose to use. When you were having these conversations, it probably never occurred to you that you were going to be edited and that you would be blasted during the pandemic when we were on our edge. And Scott Adams was somewhat similar, where he's sitting down in a live stream on YouTube, and he's expecting people to understand his context. And what's changed so much is I think you were more victimized by it, definitely, because it happened to you. I know, Scott. Scott did that consciously to make this point, the very point you're making. He actually wanted to sacrifice himself.
Relationship Advice
A highlight from 406: Too Much Drama In Your Life?
"Scott is an innovator in transformative wellness and trauma therapy, teaching over half a million people internationally over the past 20 years how to relieve stress and restore vitality. And today, Scott and I talk about drama. We talk about the drama loop, how to recognize if you or someone that you are in relationship with is in these loops and how it can be negatively affecting either party and how to get out of them. And I really, really enjoyed this conversation with Scott is extremely valuable. Haven't really had a whole episode focus on this area of relationship. So whether you identify as someone who can be, you know, exhibiting signs of being dramatic or if your partner is, this is really valuable. And it doesn't have to be overly dramatic. I wouldn't describe myself as an overly dramatic person. But Scott said some things about how we can use drama to protect ourselves. Maybe it's a fight in a relationship, even if it's a very rare incident. He has some insights that were really valuable to me and I think they will be to you as well. As always, thank you so much for tuning in. Enjoy today's show. Hi, Scott. Thanks so much for joining me on the show today. Oh, my pleasure. Thank you for having me. Today we're going to talk about drama addiction. And as I mentioned to you in the pre show, we haven't really talked about this much at all. And that's why I'm really excited to talk to you because I know I've seen it in relationships, not necessarily romantic, but in friendships and family. And I think it's an important area of discussion. Of course, you do as well. So why don't we start by having you share what drama addiction is, and then we'll talk about how to recognize it in ourselves and others and really dissect this area of our psychology. Yeah. Well, the simplest way to define drama is just like unnecessary turmoil and an exaggerated, intensified, performative experience of emotions and feelings. And an addiction to it is essentially meaning like there's a dependency on this behavior, this way of existing, this intensification, this exaggeration, this sort of even in a dependency on the crisis and chaos, the turmoil that emerges as part of it. Now, the definition really doesn't do it justice in that way, because it's really complicated and nuanced as to how it forms, the way it shapes up, especially in relationships and in our own everyday experiences as well, which I know we'll get into. But yeah, that's like a very basic definition without going into the many layers of science that are embedded within the book. I want to get into the science. Let's start by having you share like how we can recognize it in ourselves or in others. Yeah. So there's what I would call two different classifications. There's how we recognize it in someone else and how we experience it within ourselves. And they will often be at odds with each other, which is a really interesting thing. Like for those on the outside, they're going to see people constantly making mountains out of molehills, you know, they're going to intensify and exaggerate things. They're going to take one bad part of their day and globalize it as like the whole year or their whole day for that matter. Like I had a really stressful morning. My day was awful. You know, there's kind of you'll see a very negative bias. They're kind of constantly attuning to what can and will go wrong and talking about it. Their love language might be gossiping or venting or resharing the same story to as many people as possible. They're going to, like I said, make things bigger than they need to be. Like even the energy required to lift a pencil would be that energy required for most people to lift a bulldozer. It's like the energy expenditure and the emotional expenditure do not feel aligned with what is actually happening and what is here. They pull people in to their crisis.
It’s not Normal, It’s Toxic-rid your life of toxic people
A highlight from # 208 When the Unexpected Happens - Maranda
"Hey y 'all, welcome to It's Not Normal, It's Toxic. This is the podcast that helps you understand the toxic relationship dynamic for what it really is. I'm Dr. Heidi. If you have found value in this podcast, obviously I always appreciate ratings. If you would like to know more and learn more, join me in the We're In It Together community. You can ask your questions, you'll learn from me, and you can gather the information that you need to make the best decision for you in your personal situation. Now the link for more details about the community will be found in the show notes or you can find it at CoachingWithDrHeidi .com. Now on to today's episode. Welcome to It's Not Normal, It's Toxic, Rid Your Life of Toxic People. I'd like to welcome today to the podcast Miranda. A longtime listener and friend who worked very hard to get where she is today. Now telling your story is difficult. What to say, what not to say, what's enough, what's too much. But I think that she will agree that there is power in telling your story. Power for her and empowerment for others. Much of our healing happens when we are able to share, reach back, and take the hand of someone let and them know that they so welcome Miranda. I'm so glad that you're you joined us today. Tell the listeners how you found me. This is my favorite question. So I was at the absolute roughest season of my life. I had just lost the relationship with my 16 year old daughter. And was I trying to make sense of it and it happened abruptly and it was just a shock. So I was doing some deep diving, looking for support and I just kind of started searching in different search terms to podcasts and yours popped up. And at that point in my life, I was like, wow, this woman is talking about the real issues of life that we're told to step away and, you know, put behind closed doors. And you didn't know it at the time, but you were absolutely on the lifeline to give me hope and a direction because I had no direction. See, and what I just said in the intro was we don't know who we're helping because I started this podcast just to start telling my story. I didn't really think people would be listening. I just knew I had to verbalize it. So I love that behind the scenes stuff, which you're going to have from from doing this as well. You have a lot that goes well, everybody's got a lot that goes with their story, right? What was the deciding factor for you that you were in something not only that wasn't right for you, but something that was unhealthy for you? Oh, gosh, you know, to be honest, I knew it before I even got married, but I ignored all science. And there came a point where I realized that I could do it better. Like, I didn't have a real partner that I could do better for myself and for my daughter without the relationship. I had realized that I wasn't safe there anymore, that I was slowly dying inside by a part of me. And I just thought I would have more control to give her opportunities and a life that was healthier if I wasn't there, which is which a lot of times we can see that and we can understand that even though we do have the fear of what if I can't make it? Seeing it is one thing, but then making it happen is is something completely different. I think there's this point where like you like you ask yourself, if I stay here, what does that look like? And if it's if it's a losing strategy, then you're like, well, I have no idea if I can make it. But at least I'll have hope. And hope was something that I really used to to like kind of be my guiding light throughout my whole life was where is there the most hope? Which which it's hard to focus on hope, too, when we're in it, because because we're so regulated by fear and actually tomorrow in the community, we're talking about fear. And, you know, what what I think there's a mean this is not my saying, but we stay when the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying and we leave when the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. And when we think about all the fear and all the negativity that surrounds it, I love that you said, OK, but I have to look at it from a positive point of view, because, you know, is there hope here? Is there not hope here? I remember just thinking, oh, my gosh, I just want some peace. I don't know how I'm going to find it. But the chaos and the drama was just, you know, of course, then you get out and you find peace and then you don't really know how to function in peace. So then, you know, that's uncomfortable. But tell us, tell us just a little bit about, you know, what the marriage looked like and and how how was it that you were in repetitive? Now, I know you are in that you're you're happily married now, correct? And and she is super thankful for the relationship she has.
Click Bait with Bachelor Nation
A highlight from A Look Back: Natasha on Her 'Bachelor in Paradise' Heartbreak
"Clickbait, we about to say it with our chest today. Welcome back to another episode of Clickbait. Well, we have a huge thing to celebrate here. It is our 50th episode, guys. Yes, very excited. We made it. We made it. We did. We made it. We did it. Wow. That's such a huge accomplishment for us. Congrats, Joe, Natasha. And thank you so much to all of our listeners for, are you crying? For being with us along this crazy journey. I have to say, we are not going to disappoint in today's episode. We have a lot to talk about, as you all know. We have the Bachelor Nation breakdown that we are just going to skim right through. And as far as Clickbait of the week, well, honey, you're looking at it. We going are to be talking to Joe and Natasha, as well as we don't even have a guest, because I have a feeling that this conversation is going to... We're not cutting it short today. No, no, no. We're just going to air it all out. So without further ado, welcome to our 50th episode. And let's freaking go. So for the first Bachelor Nation breakdown, we have... We are so happy for Colton. Looks like he has found love somewhere. Looks like in Hawaii with a dashing older man. Do we know who this man is? No. Do we know what his name is, where he came from, how long they've been talking? Absolutely not. But what we have seen is them cuddling on the beach. I'm surprised Colton's into older guys. I just would think with his track record of women, he would be into... You mean like the 23 -year -olds? Yeah, well, like his season, most of the girls were younger than he was. Yeah, I think it's like he went literally to the exact opposite. Well, you never know. You never know what you might like until you try it. And also AJ, nothing but a number. But I will say that a lot of my friends that reached out to me when they realized that Colton was gay, and they was like, girl, do you know him? Can you put me on? They're a lot younger than the guy he's dating now. So sorry, booze. He's dating an older man. He likes a man of a certain age, and I'm not mad at it. Exactly. We are not mad at it. In fact, again, you never know what you're going to like until you try it. We all dated younger. Now I'm dating older. Older is the new thing. I love it. So yeah. Yeah. Age is definitely not a factor for me. It's like it's more about like where you've been in your life, what you're doing. And I think that probably this guy is probably the guy who he's dating probably makes him feel very secure about. Absolutely. And things like that. And the pictures you can tell, like, you know, afterwards, after it came out, there was no like, you know, hopefully he felt no like maybe to defend himself. Yeah, he didn't have to defend himself. Like, yeah, I'm just on the beach with Bay. What's up? And I don't think Colton's like, I don't think he's a player. I don't think he's going out like trying to sleep with a bunch of dudes. I think. Oh, no. I think he's a relationship guy in general. So if he's happy, I'm happy for him. Absolutely. Yes. Anyway, this is a happy post for Colton. Congrats. Hope your relationship is going well or whatever it may be. Have fun. And do you think? Yeah. I'm sorry. I said it's official now. Whether you want it to be or not, you have been spotted, baby.
Unhinged and Bumbled up
Mind the Age Gap - Age Differences When Dating
"Thought begin to discuss dating and each gaps because because eventually updates men that are older than me as far as to eighteen years. Older than me appleseed guys are younger an out death notice complete So the instant to know your thoughts on if you have had a big age gap in Work for you I do have feigns. Relationships with guys are younger and the delight that at an rise ago. Veins or detail guys are older but that comes with disadvantages against both can come at advantages so they could wanted discuss. Yeah massively this is good because we haven't discussed this topic. Kappa is quite a big one because his very much. Like when you're on a dating choosing the a train that guy for and yeah I have dated someone. He was hanging out in the me when i was twenty. They will ferte and he had. It was actually. It was quite controlling relationship and yet didn't end. Well did you want to date For you as a twenty year old data Rt was that exciting. Or did you feel like you could see to your friends or hyundai zone. Is ten years older. Was it was more like a throwback way while it kinda just happened. What it was is one of my colleagues. He was dating her sister. And i went to a policy and we just got on everson and i didn't actually know how big of an age gap it was until till afterwards and then things moved very quickly and yeah my life my twenties. I think he was like two years of just Yeah like i missed out on those two years of my twenties and what twenty year old should be. Because i was dating someone who was ten years older and they were very much like this is how life has to be
Sex with Dr. Jess
Relationship Therapist, Brittanni Young, on How to Manage Rejection
"Sex down south best sex conference ever down at atlanta. You are hosting a workshop on managing rejection and a really wanna talk about this so tell us why. This is such an important topic. I might be colored in my lens as it's just the thing that keeps coming up you know both personally and professionally and i don't think people realize because it often feels isolating when you're in it but there is going to be that dynamic there where you have somebody who's the higher desire partner in the low desire partner in any given situation. It's not common where you have both high desire or both low desire at the exact same time you know and really being able to navigate those waters. Most people have no idea. They're just okay. I just think that. I need to bring you to my level in that. Is the solution so much so right. My partner is broken. can you fix them. Can you diagnose them. And can you fix them. And even beyond sacs rejection. It just feels like this important life skill that has been glossed over. You know in recent years. We've heard a lot about vulnerability right expressing vulnerability and showing vulnerability. And i don't think ten years ago. We were hearing as much of that in the mainstream. I agree and i'm like in five or ten years. Will we hear more about rejection league in every respect whether it's applying for a job or this is a tiny little thing but saying hello or smiling at someone on the street and having them ignore you not for hitting on purposes Just for friendly. Now you live in the south. You live in atlanta We're a lot of people smile and say hello. Yeah i live in toronto. Where when i smile and say hello i kinda get. I get pretty upset. Sometimes because people will just look right through you or almost even roll their eyes at you and what am experiencing there Is very visceral. Yeah it's rejection out. It's probably not about me right. It is it is actually okay. I'm gonna say this. Maybe people from toronto will disagree but for me. It's a cultural thing in the city that you ignore each other. In fact people in new york are more likely to like not it. You say hello. Wow yeah turn a special. This is my view. I know somebody's gonna say no toronto and it's not everybody right. There are pockets. That are super friendly. So that experience of rejection like it just feels so bad in your body
Invisibilia
A Friendly Ghost Story
"I think we talk a lot about ghosting in the romantic context right But it also happens with friends. Obviously and the reason. I want to talk about friend. Ghosting today is. Because i think it's an example of a larger problem with how friendships tend to end like what happened with one of our listeners. I just remember. There was one particular instance where she called me. And i looked at the phone and i was like oh i can't do this. I just didn't answer. This is dana lucic and a couple years ago. Dana goes did a good friend of hers when she learned her friend with pregnant. Oh my inner feminist is really angry at me. Because i know that women are able to do everything and anything to be cleared. Dana was excited for her friend but she was also worried about their friendship. Changing i am now thirty years old and i do not want children and i struggle when my friend start to have children because i feel like they change and i feel like they you know of course obviously wanna spend a lot of time with their kids talk about their kids and i'm just not interested. Gina this is like oh. You're having a baby. Congratulations you just lost a friend. It's like the exact opposite reaction society. Expects you to give exactly exactly. I really respect her ruthlessness about it. Yeah and dino wasn't always like this
Let's Talk About It with Taylor Nolan
Colorism in the Bedroom With Sex Therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo
"Wondering if we could start off a little bit with you just sharing a bit of the work that it is that you do and how you got to this point well I'm a sexual relationship therapist at focus in on. How color isn't intellectualism impact in sexual health. I got into this work because people kept telling me. And i was comfortable enough to talk to them about sex and sexuality but i felt like there were missing pieces when i went to school so then trying to figure out like okay. How do you bridge the gap and those missing pieces that you're noticing and with the people that you know you want to serve So in doing that work at like it's just been like a slow bill of these all these other pieces because when you start your own practice you know everybody and they momma is willing to give you some advice but sometimes advice. We have four you. It's about their fears and the concerns that they had in creating a business. And not about you though. I remember people telling me out. You're using to me black photos on your website. Oh don't need down so much more of a generalist. So everybody could see you as that of narrowing it all the way down and i just had to realize that if you are generalists you don't see the people that you wanna see and if you don't have the pictures of the people that you serve. They don't know that they are being served. They may still come but they don't know that you're there your priority so for me of being more of a like a no brainer had to go back in just change What i had been told and religious think into what is best for me most authentic for me and that has allowed a non brighthouse flourish in the way that it has a started off as a solo a solo practitioner. And now i have a team of three other people currently working
Relationship Advice
Self Love to Improve Your Relationship
"Let's dive in and have you tell us maybe what it is about self love. That is so important. Why it's hard to do. And then we'll talk about the steps to get there and how it's going to help us fantastic so first of all. I want to see that the word self love may not resonate with you and that's okay. Sometimes you wanna start even more neutral web appreciation or respect or even a sentence. And i like to think of it. As if you're working for a boss that was always putting you down. You were never enough. There is always moving the goalpost on. You always reprimanding you for for every little mistake. Email is putting you down. You would do just the bare minimum in that role to avoid criticism to not get in trouble. You would not thrive and ultimately you would quit as soon as you spell. We are typically not everyone falls into this category but the women that i work with country because they are been so hard on themselves and their so negative with themselves any impact. Some all the time in the thing is that when we have the soundtracks these thoughts is always constantly putting ourselves down not appreciating ourselves. Stop being enough. We don't even know it's happening. Because we've been playing that soundtrack we've been thinking those thoughts we've been speaking to ourselves in that way for so long and when you don't feel good about yourself and you don't love yourself for yourself or appreciative south. It's really hard to show bullying relationships with others as well. I have so many women. I work with that. They'll tell me if an assurance of a week or two into our kuching programs that they're espouses will remark on how much happy they're happier there. How much more present. They are how much happy. They're just by working on a little bit of self preservation. Self respect self south love self acceptance.
THE BRENDON SHOW
Why Your Friends Should Be One of Your Primary Growth Drivers
"Your friend should be lifting you up. Not pushing you down. Your friend should be inspiring you to get better. Your friends should have your back but also be willing to challenge your face. You know what i'm saying like your friends are and should be one of your primary growth drivers in life. Most people choose ambitious goals to be their growth driver. Or i'm going do something. That's hard or i'm going to try to achieve this amazing thing. I'm trying to become a millionaire or make this difference or build this company or you know have this type of family and it's this external climb this thing they're trying to achieve and too many people forget it's like actually one of the best drivers of growth isn't your job isn't your goals. It's your friendship circle and your circles. Make you a more alive deeper. Caring thoughtful authentic person in the world. I'm telling you what guess what at work you're better at home. You're better your art. Gets better your sense of life lifts and so in studying this work deeply over the years and recognizing how many people are entrepreneurs high achievers people who are trying to make great impact in the world. You're here today and sometimes that journey can't feel very lonely or when you get to the top it can feel lonely. They say. And i'm like i kind of believe what my friend brian tracy and mentor said to me. One time he said if it's lonely at the top you did it wrong
Write Your Legend
The "W" Method: How to Improve Communication in a Relationship
"I want to talk about for you men give you tips on how to be a better communicator with a woman that you're in a relationship with. Typically these women are saying you don't open up to me emotionally. I wish you communicated this to me more. I wish you were able to talk to me better. Or you're just trying to fix things in the relationship and you've tried to feel that you feel like you're hitting a wall. So tip number one is I see this so much and this is valuable information because I say it in my coaching sessions is one of the tips that I get my men is you have to come from the why the what? Always think about the W's, right? So when you're in, when you're trying to effectively communicate. The only way that you can really effectively communicate is by curiosity questions. And this is alluding to relationships. And if you guys have follow me for a while, you know when I talk to date about dating and finding a good woman, it comes to curiosity questions. Get good at asking curiosity questions. So how do curiosity questions start? Will they start with the what? The why, the when? Those are all curiosity questions. But what we are impacted to do as humans sometimes depending on how we're raised and maybe what we weren't taught, as we attack, right? We come from the II in the UU. Only if you knew this, you could have done this better only if you could understand I would be better. If I had this, then I would be happy, right? Sound familiar. So we attack an attack and attack, but instead of figuring out the why. So why are you unhappy? Please tell me how can we fix this together? And then that leads me to the second tip is number two, is understand that everything is valuable in your relationship. And it's about a partnership. Yeah, you guys are two separate human beings and you always have to be driven on something in your life, your purpose, your values, and hold yourself accountable, and that comes from loving yourself. But number two is in a relationship, it's about a partnership. It's about the we and it's not always about the eye. It's about how can we compromise and make this better? So understanding that number two tip is about a partnership, but also about compromise and making things better in your relationships. So how do you get there by following my tip that I'm telling you and tip number
Unhinged and Bumbled up
Hey Saturday's Saskia Nelson Explains the Importance of Great Photos for Online Dating
"Sascha you. First of all tells a story about behind his saturday. Yeah well basically. Is it online dating for a long time. Pretty much is ten years on and off now all the time Yeah and so. When i came to sign up my photography business i was. I wanted to specialize niche as as as kind of makes sense for business on. I miss elected back. Oh my online. Dating days by. Because i'm a visual person and i'm so i can't scott the time the columnist of hartman. I kind of recognize the importance in skylight. They just use a massive photo when they want to market something. I really strong powerful fight catches. Your eye really really stops. She's makes you stop into tracks and look at it and might have three words without photo like believing better or something. And i was just like. Wow okay. imagine if you translate it that dayton price file how like powerful could be rather than the usual. Saudi larry fatos and that tonight of copy on agreeing off that basically and this was back in twenty thirteen so i did the research and november staying any while. I thought that's kinda vault because to me. It might so much sense benefits. Because i was a visual person is in king this is just kind of occurrence the people while i'm going to give it a guy so i did that and then at the beginning. Was this log like first year. It was this hard slog like giggling it because it was saying and me having a blocking across all the dating apps and things like that guy. Hey this thing you could get an. You can be ahead of the cub. If everyone else is using rubbish that you'll know you're really gonna stand out cypher. Not kind of grow and grow and then we have exploited yet lights up like on the yeah expanded to the sites as well. So it's yeah it's been. It's been busy times anymore now. Busy money
Sex With Emily
Sex Researcher Justin Lehmiller: Americans Got Kinkier During the Pandemic
"This pandemic has been an interesting. I'm going to be a sex researcher. And i've been busier than ever and conducting the most research and actually i think published the most of my entire career over the last year and a half really in the beginning. My career totally changed. Because i had all of these speaking gigs lined up. I was gonna be traveling. The world i think it was going to be in seven different countries last summer in so oldest found myself with a lot of time on my hands and i was talking to some by colleagues at the kinsey institute. And we were seeing all these media headlines about you know what was going to be happening to a sex. Lots of big bold predictions and so we thought is is any of that actually gonna shake out so we wanted to actually collect the data to test whether what we were seeing in the media was actually coming to wish you know that kind of gave us the inspiration and all had more time on her hands and needed something to focus on so he turned to sexy search. And i remember yes justin's doing this. What did we learn about this with the hot vac summer. What's up now. So that's a great question you know last year. There were lots of predictions about. Oh well when this pandemic cabins and people are locked down. They're going to have more sex masturbate more than ever. Because everyone's just going to be bored horny and it turned out last year. That didn't really turn out to be the case you know there. There's no baby boom. There's no evidence that you know people really having a lot of sex. So that's what we found last year in the research. We did at the kinsey institute. Although we did find that people were being more sexually Mental about one in five people last year said they tried something new in the bedroom so we recently conducted a new. Study to see what things look like this summer because everyone was talking about the hot back summer. So the kinsey institute partnered with love honey to do this survey of what what is happening right now in our sex lives and relationships and one of the really interesting things we found was that there was an even greater trend toward sexual experimentation so americans have become kinky are we actually found that a majority of americans fifty one fifty two percent so they tried something new in bed since the pandemic began and also that a majority of americans said that their sexual interests had shifted in some way. And if those who reported a shift three quarters of them said that they became kinky so you know instead of the hardback summer. We're thinking of this as the hut kinks
Dr. Drew Podcast
Podcaster Jillian Hamilton on the Difference Between Physical and Emotional Cheating
"Talk about the difference between physical and emotional cheating and the difference in how males and females respond to those two topics. The difference between physical cheating and emotional cheating is just what it sounds like. Emotional cheating has really proliferated because we have this online space so actually people feel a greater sense of familiarity and closeness online often than they do in person in person. You gotta have date number one and it might be three weeks before you have date number two. It's hard to get together but when you're online you have constant access to this person so everything from good morning sugar to night night and everything in between your with this person all day long and it gives you the sense of really knowing their lifestyle how they spend their time you might get you know reactions on things that happen to them. Throughout the day so emotional cheating can really be very powerful and very common because we all have the device right there with us. How do you differentiate between emotional cheating and just a friendship emotional. Cheating has to have a secretive component to it. This is something that your partner your spouse doesn't know about it's something you're hiding and it's more than likely giving you a great sense of thrill you know you're looking forward to hearing from this person. I when i first started this. I started talking to everybody. Anyone i'd meet. I'd say oh so. Have you ever dated anyone. Who cheated. And i met this random stranger and he told them about the podcast. He said i have to tell you. I've been having an affair. I really would you like to talk about it. And he said yes. I send music back and forth with this woman every night and my wife has no idea and by the time i get up from this table it was dinner time. I'm going to be running back to my car to see what music she sent to me. And i live for it every single day. That's an emotional affair. I mean he didn't tell his wife and he was so attached to her. Yeah it's wild and it is. It's like a friendship that serving some need so it goes a little further than
Ask Women Podcast: What Women Want
Author Karen Brody on How to Set Boundaries With Women
"Exactly. I think first we have to make a distinction for those who didn't hear it. Between complaining and criticizing. Because I think when a woman is criticizing a man, he doesn't want to stand for that. And he generally doesn't want to lead through it. He wants to let her know, hey, this doesn't work for me. So a criticism is when she's disparaging of your character, you know, you're a loser. You can't get anything done. You know, that kind of thing. Then you simply want to say to her look, I'm not going to stand for your criticizing me. If you want to talk about something, I'm here to talk about it. I'm here to listen, but I'm not going to stand for this. And I always suggest that men just walk away. You don't need to do a big confrontation. You don't need to scream. As soon as you get really angry and escalate, you've lost power. It's the way that I see it. When a man, well, I don't love this word, but we use a correct a woman in that way. You know? And he lets her know like I have boundaries. There's a line here as to what I will and will not put up with. She respects him more. And then because we're sensitive and we actually don't want to hurt men, we'll tend to apologize for that kind of behavior. If a man puts up with that over and over and that continues through the years, and that becomes the way that they relate, a man can say to a woman look. Rather than complain when you need something, I'd really prefer you just ask me. Now, is this going to change her immediately? Probably not. But it will encourage her to think about, look, I can really get my needs met more so and better when I just ask him for what I want. And he's eager and willing to help. So that's one
Relationship Advice
Leading Relationship Therapist Lissy Abrahams on How to Have a Peaceful Divorce or Separation
"We're gonna talk about separation and divorce and in the pre show you mentioned. It's one of the things that you're passionate about in helping couples navigate it in the best way possible. Because you've seen when it's not done well and that can be pretty nasty and just not good for anyone involved certainly if there's kids as well so today we're gonna talk about that in how to do it the best way possible and there's a lot to think about and a lot that goes on when separation divorce happened. So why don't we start by having you tell us why you are passionate about helping people through this process in some of the big things to look out for and we'll talk about how to navigate them and one of the things with separation and divorce is that i lost honda have also advanced so woven together and depending on how many years as well it in there so many aspects that Dismantling when we going through a separation and we don't know how much it lives originally. Why until we get to these points and his things we don't even expect so we need to make thousands of thousands of decisions it. All the time about how to navigate is separate how to go into two households and How did raise out tens of family and find stacy getting chance of all of that. So what we. What i say can really help. People is to have an anchor of integrity and what make by. Ankara vacek retain is. It's guiding kind of principle. That says i'm going to operate treating aches gonna with respect in every single matter that i choose and myself as well and so what that means is it means if i'm going through illegal price says i'm not going to tear into them and treat them reporting late evening. Thanks treat may lake if you're going to the children about what's happened. I'm not going to them down. I'm not going to make myself the victim of appearance It also means how communicate with my ex pa some guy to make decisions based on treating the specimen respect because it hurts may not to so every time i have a go at my exile yell at them. I write nasty messages. I say i'm gonna get you. Were going gonna lose the kids. It actually hurts me as an individual to treat them like
The Virtual Couch
How to Be Happy With Marriage Therapist Tony Overbay
"Look at these things where it says. Here's how to be happy any article. That is something this. And i often apply it as a therapist who has now been seen clients for fifteen plus years and who has done a dramatic shift in my own therapy model from cognitive behavioral therapy of just change your thought and be happy to then realizing that that maybe doesn't work for a lot of people and a better way in my opinion is this acceptance and commitment therapy way or more like you're having thoughts and feelings and emotions because you're human being and so it's normal to have those thoughts and feelings and emotions now. What do you do with them in often. One of the biggest challenges for happiness in my opinion is we're going after the wrong mark too often were doing these socially compliant versions of happiness. Where we say no. I should be happy and therefore i should do these things that everyone else does. That makes them happy or at least it looks like it makes them happy on social media. Instagram facebook take all those kinds of wonderful things and if they look happy than i should be happy doing those things as but too often again. A socially compliant goal is something that we do because we were supposed to or we think that. If we don't do it we're gonna let somebody else talking. Let somebody down from spouse to apparent to even even god and so a socially compliant goal is really deep concept. Embrace it can be so liberating to say. Why am i doing these things. Why am i doing something that that i think will make me happy. If i really feel that my core is not something that really matters to me.
Sex With Emily
Sex Therapist, Dr Emily Morse, on What to Do With Mismatched Sex Drives
"Have a higher libido than my partner and for me it's really hurtful to ask her sex try to initiate and to to be told no for whatever reason i'm tired or what have you and that said i mean the sexes. Great like it's really incredible. And i think part of it is is is a little bit older than i am. And i'm just i'm kind of in my sexual private thirty two and i understand like late. Twenties to mid late. Thirties is like that peak for women And he's forty one and he's also on depression medications that's that's an aspect of it so Yeah lots of factors but at a high level you know the difference in libido is make one yeah that's a really that is a big one and it's they often say yeah. You're you're late. Twenties early thirties. Thirties is when you have a high sex drive. It varies to person the but you know you're so this is where you are. And his libido is matching is that's that's what's going on right now and you have been with him for six months six months. Yeah we were friends for a couple years and We're actually long distance so when you do see each other because usually a lot of times long distances like we are together for a weekend or week and we have the whole time. You know i know. Have you talked to him about it. Definitely i mean. The communication is so good In the beginning of the relationship he was like ideally like he really was interested in starting to talk about sex pretty quickly great. Initially i was a little bit resistant. Because i was like. I really want like develop emotional piece of relationship before we go there but yeah i mean he asked like how often would you wanna hunchback's i told them like every day when we're together and he was like really. That's not what i you know known before at the time. He seemed like on board for that in like. But but then you know when we've been together it's like i'm tina just about every day and he's maybe like four times a week or so. There's been of discrepancy there.
The Art of Love Podcast
How to Get Your Ex to Think About You 24/7
"How to get your x to think about shoot twenty four seven I know you're definitely thinking about them. Twenty four seven. Even when you're sleeping you're thinking about them. You're dreaming about them and you want him to do the same thing. But a lot of people. I find are actually afraid that their xi's gonna forget them which i find laughable. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the thought. it's like. What because someone doesn't break up with you and then all of a sudden have amnesia awesome. Have a lobotomy and no longer remembers that you even exist. I mean come on so they are thinking about you about. We want them to really think about you. We want him to think about you. Twenty four seven. So you're thinking about them and wondering if they're thinking about you because they're not reaching out to you to check up on you or whatever and that's part of the reason why they are also thinking about you because you're not reaching out right at least you should be if you're listening to my channel so that is the first way to get your extra think about you and that is. I'm sure you know what it is. No contact no contact. Because they're going to be expecting you to reach out especially if you were begging and pleading in the beginning and then all of a sudden you stopped. They're going to be wondering why they're not hearing from you even if they don't want you back they're just still wondering it's a hit to their ego. They're thinking about you and wondering why you're not reaching out and as i've said many times before that question mark that wondering becomes a hook it turns upside down and becomes hook and they are wondering what you are up to and why you stopped begging and pleading because it is kind of ego boost when someone begs and pleads for you even if you don't want them and they're wondering why you all of a sudden it disappeared into thin air so no contact made many videos on that. It's the most powerful way to get your x to be thinking about you constantly.
Everything Happens with Kate Bowler
Bestselling Author Gretchen Rubin: Can We Be a Tiny Bit Happier?
"I feel like it is. It's just so easy to get swept up in the urgency of the to do list and and and not think about the bigger questions like Is this what i really want. Anyway or my or my neglecting more transcendent values. Because i'm just sort of taking care of the day to day so nice people think. Oh it's not good to think about your happiness all the time. And i'm like well i to at least for me i never thought about it Because i just never step back to say like. Is there any way that i could be. Is there any low hanging fruit. is there any. Yeah just stuck within my easy reach. That i could do. Yeah 'cause i just i can't ross myself back west. I think it was maybe in the an angela. Duckworth book on grit that. I remember thinking about that question of feeling like propelled. Because i was always may be over propelled through the world and i lived in kind of like middle distance where it was always. It was always someday wasn't today wasn't quite tomorrow and and it wasn't honestly till i was so sick that i couldn't i just physics. I physically couldn't do that. That i started thinking about. Some of the questions you're describing. It was some of that. Like how do i get it. Those bigger will i have. I'm not sure. I'll have all the time in the world to get to those big questions but now that i'm a bit humbled by circumstances and you know now that i'm taking part is there a person may be. I'm supposed to that. I should be instead because not entirely sure how to live. If i'm not just doing everything that's in front of me. But i think that's why there's so much value in your work. Kate is because you've sort of been forced to think about those big questions and you can kind of take us through your thinking and your experience and then. I think that helps us to think about doing it ourselves. Yeah certainly did not want to volunteer. Unfortunately but But you but you are so good at at helping other people think through those costume. Thanks gretchen get a lot of messages from people who are just kind of simul. Were also kind of undone. Like they've lost somebody that they love or they get they lose their job. They lose a dream or there or even just like they're on a relationship ends or their kids move out and this world that they loved no longer exists and then there are so many of us are forced into a kind of reevaluation that we don't even necessarily have time
The Angry Therapist Podcast
Signs That Your Relationship Is In Trouble
"So three signs that your relationship may be in trouble. The first sign is if you and your partner cannot resolve conflict. This is everything because every relationship has conflict and there's going to be conflict. There's going to be disagreements in challenges if you and your partner do not have the tools to resolve conflict in a healthy way if you guys cannot fight without fighting right if you don't have the ability to create a safe space for this conflict to be resolved. It's a huge sign. Your relationship is in trouble because ultimately enough of conflict that is not resolved is going to equal resentment anger drift right and it just cracks in that relationship container and then one day. It just won't be worth it you know. So if there's anything that is a priority. In as far as working on your relationship it would be getting into a room possibly couples. I don't know of course you can read self help books in take courses now that the lab is actually an affordable way to do some live group work on learning how to how to resolve conflict better. But it's imperative and if both of you learn how to resolve conflict then it's going to give your ship legs if you don't have the ability to resolve conflict in a healthy way your relationship will not have lakes
Unhinged and Bumbled up
Jane Fulton Divulges Her Disaster Dates
"Made you write a book about dating light. Why fell actually wish. Some of them were affection. But unfortunately i have been through the mel with dates to be onus. Okinawa started with a conversation with me. My friends about all the canal disaster dates have been on and the the mentioned that date at totally forgot by like all actually to write this down when older can lit back. Have a laugh at myself. And that's literally the conversation we had. So i started writing down my dates and it got to the point where there were so much content that i thought i need to do something with us. I completely agree out absolutely loved it. And even the little tagline that says fetishes funerals flatulence and fingers now mentioned funerals for everyone listening in stats. Somebody's somebody you. Yeah let's explain the funeral and what happened for everyone. Listening hasn't read the book. Why why would she both funeral. So this is One that people were completely shocked by 'em so short by this one myself So may i guy in a bar. Oakland well took my number and to be arranged to go for a walk in the park that weekend during the week a phone call at the blue foam him and he said instead of having the weekend. Let's meet met week if you know your feet today to meet and it was a nice sunny day in glasgow and i thought you know. I love the spontaneity of him. Just calling the blue afternoons thought. Why not and. sometimes. I think when you're gonna put on the sport there's less tank to be nervous. You're like oh this is happening. You're getting ready to figure there Where sometimes when you've got a date it's in a wild. You have that nervous feeling. You know that they'll absolutely so yeah turned up at the park. And he was distracted by as phoolan the whole time. He's looking at it. It kept ringing and he kept a clean in the coal politely. Said you know you can answer your phone. It's absolutely fain. And he said you know what my sister. She's in the park and she's trying to get hold of me. You know i'm like why's your sister in the park. The same park is as and masonry he came out with. My cat died last night. I'm we're here in the park to betteate. And i was saying to his cats funeral witch till this day. I still regret not going to. Because i would love to have seen that the displayed the you
Ask Women Podcast: What Women Want
How to Date Women Around the World
"It's like over in different countries, what they consider attractive different, like, for example, in Spanish speaking countries, the more manly you look, the more attractive they consider you in Korea is that boyish KPop look, that is interested attractive. And now even if they have a term where career booze, for example, they love that look. But it's that look that's different. But the way they show interest, you know, when a girl stares at you for a long time, I think within your recall that your personal space that happens all around the world. And it really depends on the guys at that point. Can they figure that out? Okay, so let's figure it out right now for the guys that are listening. Explain to them, what can they do? How can they be that guy, exactly like the guy that you described that can make friends with every single person that he talks with? Have women want to be with him? How do you become that guy? I would say boils down to 5 characteristics. So for me, it's leadership, unshakable, comfortable under your own skin. I have two more fun and consistency. Those are like the absolute thing, especially leadership and on ability. Because a girl can show interest as much as she wants, but it's not her duty to go and approach true, especially because women in their circle they see what other girls are doing. And so if a girl, the more she goes into your personal space, or she asks you out, it's like, yo, that girl is really putting herself out there. What is she doing? But if a guy was do that first off, other guys can't really tell. If you get to rejected, it's none of those double stages part, but it's really like when she says no that the guy rejected. So when you're able to see and identify when a girl is like showing subtle signs that she likes you. And you're not taking the opportunity to capitalize on that. That means you're not really a leader at that point. It's like leadership takes moment as soon as that happens. Because she's showing signs that she likes you go up and talk to her. Go up and say hello. If she's getting into her personal space, that means she wants you to get closer to her. Hold her hand, or like, when I kiss her yet, but you could test the waters in that direction.
Sex with Dr. Jess
Vagina Talk With Dr. Nicole Williams
"To have to ask. What made you write a book about vaginas. Why did you go there. Great question i am. of course. i'm a gynecologist. I've been unpracticed for a little over fifteen years and what i've noticed over all of this time is at my patients still kept having the same questions and the same concerns over and over and over throughout the years even though it's great for me to be able to explain it to them one on one i started thinking of my patients and we have seventeen thousand patients in the practice. If my patients have these questions what about other women are they still having these same insecurities about their anatomy that my patients are having and i thought you know with the pandemic. I had a lot of time on my hands and any major knows that when you give an english major too much time to do nothing like their brains go wild. I started thinking. I start answering some of these questions and i was gonna just write a little e book to put on my side just frequently asked vagina questions but i just kept going and going and going. I realize oh my god. I have eighty seven pages. Nobody's gonna read that unless it's like an actual book and that's just started to get it done and there. We go amazing. So what are some of those questions that people have been coming to you with over and over again in the thousands the biggest question i always get is odor. Everybody is so concerned about odor. And i explained to them for the most part. Yes your vagina is gonna have some type of owner odor considered your signature scent which is completely normal. Sometimes it's a little tangy. It might actually depend on what you're eating or drinking generally it's normal but we are bred at to believe our vaginas. You're supposed to smell like you know. Bath powder or chanel number five or you know. Some kind of special bath and body works all the time. But that's actually the opposite of what you want what you really want. If you're trying to attract a partner. I have research in my book about this is that you want your own signature. Sent to get onto your partner. Because he's gonna remember or she for that matter is gonna remember or they or is going to remember that sense especially if it's tied to pleasure is going to bond nut person to you so when i talked to my patients about their odor. Most of the time. It's normal. I secondly you want this smell. Because it's going to help with your relationship on a cellular level and thirdly we are not supposed to smell like betham body works
The Psychology Podcast
Brad Stulberg Talks About Truth With a Capital 'T'
"So what is truth of. The capitol t. yeah. I'm glad that you asked so truth with a capital t. There are very few things that we know are unequivocally true Sewage is really good for public health. True climate change is happening a minnesota truth with a capital t. Vaccines are effective. Very important one right now. Truth with a capital t. when it comes to wellbeing performance Some of the quote unquote softer sciences. It's often a game of probability. So it's what is the likelihood that this is true or in. What context is this true. And what i try to do. My work by looking for patterns in different areas of academic inquiry is you mentioned over different timescales in history in. also what's actually happening in the real world. What is practice. Show if i can find certain themes that are pointing in the same direction. I can be confident with my coaching clients with my readers that it's probably close to the truth with capital g Another way that. I like to think about. This is imagine a stool with three legs in one leg is empirical research the other legacy theory. Does this make sense in. A third leg is history in practice. If all three of those legs are sturdy. You can sit on the school on. It's probably going to hold your hypothesis. If only two of those three legs are sturdy. You can probably sit on the stool but you might wanna proceed with caution. One zero lags in your hypothesis might not be correct. You might start looking elsewhere.
Death, Sex and Money
Tips for Dating During the COVID-19 Pandemic
"Want to jump to our very first question from a listener and jp. This is right in your wheelhouse. it's about romance from haiti in brooklyn. Who is fifty one years old. I'm trying to decide whether i should say. I actually was seriously considering joining a matchmaking service before it started then i kind of them holds and i'm just not sure investment path. I want to go down. It's really hard obviously to meet people from intentional about this. So i really feel stuck and in a heartbeat right now. They send events. We hoped stuck. Jp do you have any advice for haiti. Felt making this decision about. When is the time to really go at it with dating a zoo and you know this is the first time that matchmaking ever been brought before me. Usually we just call that grinder in my world. I assume it's quite different. In his context. It sounds interesting. I mean. I kinda wanna do a matchmaking thing. Now they sit down with someone and we have a discussion. That sounds lovely. But i understand the reluctance. I think it's been a hard year for all of us. We for those of us who started out the pandemic single and still are. It's been a lot of time to reflect on what we're looking for another person why we haven't found it yet. It's where was our kobe. Blue cetera That can be very stressful. And the idea of getting back out there even if it's just a hang out with friends again for the first time that we haven't seen in a while It can be scary or a little bit more awkward than we were before and it wasn't even easy before so what. I've been sort of doing what i've been telling other. People that is on the table for them is to maybe lower the stakes a little bit when it comes to meeting new people so engaging in activities that you enjoy anyway Especially ones that are like outdoors and in groups. So i've been doing these hiking groups and meeting a lot of great new people that way because when you go at it with the express intent of i need to find my next partner in this endeavor. You're putting a lot of expectations on yourself. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and if you leave that one singular meeting without having found anyone yes start to feel like a failure. So what i'm suggesting people do. If they're nervous is find something you like to do anyway and you already have a common interest with the people there even. If you don't find someone you want date you could end up with a connection with a
Relationship Advice
How to Deal With Anxiety and Perfectionism
"Today. We're going to talk about something. That i can definitely relate to. I'm sure a lot of our listeners can relate to and that's a couple of things one of them being perfectionism and the other being anxiety. And i'd like to start with perfectionism and why understanding these things in the root of them is so important how they show themselves in our relationships in how we can do them better. So let's dive right in and maybe you can tell us what perfectionism is and we can go from there sir. So i'm so glad you're asking about these topics. Think they're important and the ven diagram of these two things anxiety perfectionism have so much overlap. So they're very very close cousins. The definition of what i guess. The lay definition of perfectionism is not necessarily or counter intuitively striving for perfection. But really it manifests as a sense of never been good. Enough and people don't often identify as perfectionist because not perfectionist. Stick in all of our life domains. I've had many people say to me. Well unclearly not a perfectionist. Because look at my house. It's a mess or i'm not a perfectionist. Because like i i don't plan ahead. I'm not super organized. But really any domain of our life whether that the productivity or appearance or you know cases it certainly could be cleanliness or you know the appearance of our house or could be work achievement or how good you perceive apparent you are any of these domains if we have this chronic a sense of never being good enough and striving striving for this that really taps perfectionism and the ultimate is. You know you're a perfectionist if you base your self esteem on striving achievement in a particular area so students might base their self esteem on their grades or somebody might base their self esteem on how much. They're accomplishing in their career. You could move to any domain of life and if you are what you do that taps into perfectionism.
The Angry Therapist Podcast
Does Easy Mean You're With The Right Person?
"If a relationship is easy that means i'm with the right person or a relationship is difficult. That means i'm with the wrong person. Okay this is false. This is a misconception. Relationships are hard now. of course there's a spectrum right Relationships can't be so hard that it just ruins your of your quality of life. But they're meant to be hard in. This is why so. I i want to say anything of value. In this world requires a crying requires building. it's like requires hardship. You know what a value in this world comes easy because whatever comes easy then some valuable you know you have to go through some kind of journey. Come out the other side for that thing to have value whether that's physically building. Something like physical labor like how much hard work you're putting in You know changing your body or or it's just working on something working at something getting obsessed with something in a healthy way and just bring your sleeves up and putting in the The hard work the the blood tears sweat right and relationships are are no different. Relationships should not be easy now in the beginning they can be easy because in the beginning. There's a lot of fantasy. There's a lot of dopamine being shot into your brain and there's also the You know the magic that comes from exploring a new person new body potential and you know the excitement right so all of that of course can come easy naturally but once you really invest in someone That fantasy starts to fade and real life happens and you realize that they're not perfect. You realize that they do things that annoy you in irritate you. And and all of that and so the beauty of a relationship is when it gets hard it will force you to start guinea comfortable with the uncomfortable and that just that doesn't mean to white knuckle something that means to explore what's coming up and investigate it and process it and change from it you know. I think relationships especially intimate relationships Can be the greatest catalyst for growth. And it's not going to be a catalyst if it's