Love and Relationships
Listen to insightful takes on love, intimacy and relationships in all their forms, broadcast on leading talk radio shows and premium podcasts. Learn how to build and maintain healthy relationships with loved ones and hear stories about modern love, romance, friendship and family.
A highlight from Episode 549: Afraid No Contact Isn't Working? Listen to THIS!
"You get an X back and should they I want to talk to those of you who are in no contact and are afraid that it's not working. I have something very special for you, so stay tuned, but before I start, I want to, of course, welcome back my no contact army. Have you been a good little soldier or a battle soldier? And if you've been a bad little soldier, then you need to download my absolute. It will help you to stay in no contact and the link is underneath every single video. And if you too would like to join the no contact army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in and to read the no contact army manual, go to no contact secrets dot com, where you can read two free chapters before purchasing the book. So I have an email here from someone who was in no contact and I think that it's worth reading. It'll be very inspirational because I think he echoes perfectly the thoughts and feelings that you probably going through in this moment. So it's a bit long. I would try to make it as interesting and entertaining as possible, so grab some popcorn, grab a drink, grab whatever, or whoever. And let's go. All right. I've been listening to you for several years, and I wanted to share this letter not just with you, but also your listeners. The kind broken hearted people out there who may be listening to your every word. Those who may be grasping to some random point of wisdom to help them get their ex back. It's for the emotionally devastated who want nothing more than to hear their ex tell them they love them, or want to keep trying. And lastly, it's for all those who feel that emptiness in their hearts, and those whose days become so long that they wish they could sleep in. So as not to have to wake up to a cold bed or a phone that doesn't ring. I was that person. I was all those people. When I read your YouTube comments, I am every one of them, and they are every bit of me. I discovered you a few years back as my relationship was deteriorating. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed to say, I had listened to a few others so called dating coaches, and even paid some of them for one on one sessions. The ones I paid for were rather well known. But they were just time wasters at best. There is one overarching difference between them and you. They talk about no contact as a strategy to get the X back. However, it's been only in the past few years where people have capitalized on it as if it's some big secret. Though you talk about it often, it's different. Your channel and message around it are not the same, and this is an important point of distinction. Your perspective is that it's about respect. Self worth, self esteem, and recognizing your value. And those of the first steps in only steps to determine, if an ex is lucky, and privileged enough to come back in one's life. How to bring an extra realize that? Well, no contact is just one way. Everything else you say around it is equally as important. Whenever you would post videos, I would play them over and over. I'd even convert them into MP3 files and put them on my phone in a folder to play when I'd go for walks or be driving somewhere. By the way, you didn't have to do that. My videos are also podcasts available on all the major platforms. Apple Spotify, et cetera. I was that person who sometimes would say, this sounds nice and all, but I can't stand up to my ex like that, or this sounds too radical. I was with my ex for around 5 years. When we met, he chased me nonstop. I didn't want anything to do with him. Eventually, I spent more time with him and though I wasn't really into him at first, he was super nice and I wanted to give him a chance. Over the years, I think I just became a bit too relaxed in letting myself get disrespected. That's right when someone disrespects you, you need to call them out right away. Otherwise, they're just going to keep doing it because you basically give them a green light to go ahead and do it again if you don't say anything. In fact, when we met, I was a bit of a hard ass. I was someone who was hard to get, and always busy. Of course, as many know, once you're with someone, we tend to maybe seem a little more relaxed. This is something I've also heard you talk about. The point here for your listeners is this. If you know or remember who you were when your ex fell in love with you, that may be the person your ex hadn't seen in a while, and maybe missing. As time went on, I realized that I was quite different from this person. In fact, I'm an ambitious go getter, and he's more superficial and just intellectually lazy. This cost issues for us we weren't on the same page. As my relationship deteriorated, I knew I tolerated too much nonsense. Yep, most of y'all are putting up with way, way, way, way too much bad behavior. And yeah, of course, then he says, I put up with hot and cold behavior. My ex would break up, then a week or two later beg for me back. At the time I thought it was so endearing.
A highlight from 352: How To Navigate Narcissism In Relationships
"Song center one by one what's going on love tribe, thanks so much for tuning in to today's show today I got about three pages of notes from my conversation with darlene lancer. It was really an informative podcast where her and I talk about narcissism and narcissistic relationships. She's extremely knowledgeable in this area, actually just released a book on it and just so much value. If you find yourself in a narcissistic relationship or maybe you know someone who is, you are going to love this episode, share this episode with them. I just thought it was really, really informative and valuable. And darlene is a psychotherapist and author of ten books, including the one I mentioned, dating, loving, and leaving a narcissist. And she also wrote conquering shame and codependency, 8 steps to freeing the true you. I really enjoyed this conversation. I hope you guys do too. I want to just send a big hug to anyone out there who needs it. I know you're tuning in to improve yourself, improve your relationship, and a lot of times that can be hard. I definitely have been on the path to improving myself, improving my relationships and sometimes we need support. We need that hug, even if it's through the audio medium, sending you guys some love. Okay, as always, thanks for tuning in, telling your friends and
A highlight from Jason Gray Stanford
"But as you know, I've been very obsessed with languages lately. And so it's on my mind constantly, so I hope that you're doing well. And do help us by supporting the people that support the podcast here and check out the Dr. Drew TV site as well where we're doing regular streaming shows. And I might love to have the corolla faithful over at Instagram DR drew pinsky and of course TikTok at Dr. Drew. Today the guest is Jason gray Stanford, the podcast is the Randy disher podcast, of course, the best known for playing lieutenant Randy disher in the Golden Globe winning TV program monk. And of course he voiced the role of raditz raditz. You're going all the way back. So there you go. We'll get into what Jason's all about, but you know him, of course, from monk. And you can follow him on Twitter at jazz GAS or jazz jazz. Gray Stanford. And Instagram at Jason gray. Stanford. Welcome. Thank you very much for having me. Dr. Drew. So talk about the podcast for a minute. Why should people go listen? Oh, well, I tell you what, if you're a monk fan, which there are many of them out there, the monk faithful, the monca holics, as we call them. Mongol files, whatever you want. Whatever you might want to say. What it's really kind of, I started it. When we'll get into it later, but I had some health issues. And I started it during that time. And it was really therapeutic for me. And I realized that, you know, during the pandemic, you know, a show like monk really kind of caught on again, having been off the air for a little bit of interesting. And it was really kind of my love letter, my thank you. Well, I think him over at maisel reinvigorated interest in Tony Shalhoub. You know what I mean? And I met him, could not be a nicer guy, right? Absolutely. He's kind of one of those like when you talk about Hollywood and people, you're like, he's one of the good guys. He could not be more just easy to talk to and welcoming and stuff. And I was always a monk fan, but I think I got more, I don't know, something about misses maisel connected me to him. And I think that's what sending people back to me. And a lot of people did exactly that. You know, obviously I think Tony has numerous Emmys now. He's got a handful for monk a couple for maisel. And it's one of those things, it's like timing is everything, right? And monk had this kind of real resurgence during the pandemic. And obviously with streaming and everything, you know, it kind of is so much easier to reach. Well, and you add to that, the pandemic of anxiety that we're having. And a lot of people's anxiety has an OCD flavor to it. 100%. And so it's perfect character. Yeah, it's absolutely, it's easy to revisit that, that's for sure. And it's actually funny that we're talking about this right now 'cause I can't give away too many details, but the monk fans might be very excited with some news coming up soon. Oh, good for you. So we shall see. That's very exciting. You'll have to stay tuned. He has not told me anything, but I know, I know what that well, I won't say anymore. But given where it is in the evolution of that series, I think I know what he means. So good luck, that'll be great. And I think we can back into your condition through all that because thank God you're here and well. Thank you very much to participate in this thing. What a pleasure to be fantastic, right? Let's stay with Tony Shalhoub and say, how did he respond when you got sick? And we'll talk about what that sounds like. What's very, very funny is this kind of all originally started for me kind of at the end of 2017 that beginning of 2018. That's when you realize that's what I started kind of feeling getting short of. When you went up the stairs. In fact, not so much. It kind of like, for me, it literally felt like fatigue. I just wasn't performing well at the gym. And I was like, and I was working. And you kind of put those two together and you're like, oh, it's a long hours. I'm tired. Whenever somebody complains about fatigue, I worry about this. Yeah. It's in the back of my mind all the time. That's the two dreaded things when people complain about fatigue is cancer and those are the big boys. And it can be coronary disease sometimes, too, to be fair. And I'm assuming yours was more viral or something. Mine was at the end of the, obviously it was idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy, but at the end of the day basically what that means is we're not sure. We don't know. And they virus was kind of the final. As we say, idiopathic is the doctors and idiot and the patient's pathetic. You know what? All my time going through this, that's the first time I've heard that and I love it. I'm stealing stealing it now. But yeah, I mean, basically that's it. And I kind of brushed it off. When you were first diagnosed. When you started getting these symptoms, I mean, I'm very in tune with my body with my health with my diet and in retrospect. I'm like, wow, buddy. You miss this? Oh, it's easy. It's easy. Listen, you're not, I don't know if you had any medical training, but you're not thinking that way when you get fatigued. Yeah, no, it's one thing when you come into a doctor, we have to think about all that stuff. It's the last thing you want to think about when you're the patient. And you know what else also is funny to any kind of inkling of those things, you kind of, you're like, oh no, I don't want to be sick. I don't want to be suspicious of male. You want to push these men do that notoriously. 100% and I am guilty of it. Yeah, me too. And it's crazy because in retrospect, as I say, when I look back on all of it now and I kind of replay those moments, I'm like, holy smokes. The holy smokes is you now know the condition. And you know you can drop dead suddenly from. That's the holy smokes part. Yeah. So it's pretty shocking, but you know, so anyway, so I get so Tony. So basically, I kept it from everybody. I didn't say anything. Did he pick up that you were not well? No, not at all. That's an interesting topic by itself. Being a performer and having a serious illness. I deal with this all the time. The fear is I won't be insurable. There won't hire me. Fire me. Yeah, why would they take a risk on me? It's already so high risk to do a production that's so expensive. Yeah. That all that stuff goes through your head. And it's realistic. That's the horrible part. Absolutely. There were times where I was like, I'm never working again. This is not, I don't know what's happening. And not only was I getting sick and sicker and sicker as trying to time was going on. And obviously, you know, with heart failure, it's a very kind of slippery slope. It's a fickle beast, really.
A highlight from Silver Lining Breakups
"You're listening to it's not normal, it's toxic, hosted by doctor Heidi. Doctor Heidi has been exactly where you are right now. She's walked through the fire of toxic relationships, and is now dedicated her life to help others do the same. Living in a toxic environment can cause the damaging behaviors of others to become normal, leaving you, feeling hopeless and desperate. Learning how to recognize the toxic traits and understand why they occur? Is the key to taking your power back? Now is the time for you to gain your self worth. Because you're worth it. Discover who you really are. Because you're awesome. And realize, it's not normal. It's toxic. Hey, everybody. Welcome back. You're listening to it's not normal. It's toxic. Rid your life of toxic people. This is doctor Heidi. Today I have a guest. I am super excited. I have to admit, I'm winging this podcast because I have had some interaction with her, but not a ton, but I am very curious about her in a very curious about her story. So I'm hearing it for the first time and you're hearing it for the first time. Chelsea Lee trescott is a trained certified solution focused life coach. She helps her clients turn their sob stories into silver linings. She also hosts the world renowned podcast. Thank you heartbreak, which I know some of my listeners also listen to. As a breakup coach, she explores the upside of heartbreak and how shedding the light on a breakup can be a great opportunity to become human beings who are stronger in love, life, and character. So Chelsea welcome, thank you for making me think that we're like the perfect wing women. You know, we just wing it in life. I love that. I think it's funny that as much as I wing it, that people when you picture somebody that's doing a podcast or doing videos or whatever. We picture them like, I'll put together with lights and all this stuff. And I always think people would laugh if they literally saw me sitting here talking in the iPad basically, you know. With the lab is laying on the floor and he's snoring over here. But welcome to the podcast. I had the opportunity to be on your podcast a couple of weeks ago and that's actually how we met. And again, I'm very curious because I'm for one curious in the work that you do because we talked about me and my work on your show.
A highlight from Episode 548: Can You Get Back An Avoidant Ex? Yes, here's how!
"Get your ex back and today we are going to talk about getting back and avoidant X actually getting back in the X but especially in avoidant X because I know most of the people who listen to these videos have the anxious attachment style and they often find themselves in relationships with the avoidance which is a bad combination and they're always concerned about whether they'll be able to get back and avoidant because they are not as easy to get back as someone with an anxious attachment style or with a secure attachment style. So I'm going to tell you what you need to do before I do that. I want to welcome back the no contact army. Have you been a good little soldier or a battle soldier? And if you've been in Google soldier, that means that you have downloaded our app silencio and you're using it to help you stay in no contact, and if you haven't downloaded it yet, the link is beneath every single video and yes, we are working on the Android version. And if you too would like to join the no contact army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in and to read the new contact army manual, go to no contact secrets dot com, where you can read two free chapters before purchasing the book. So I wanted to make this video today because something happened. And while it's still fresh in my mind, I need to talk about this. So as you may or may not know, I'm an avoidant. And I am the best type of avoidant. I'm the dismissive avoidant. Now I know anyone who's not a dismissive avoidant will say no, that's not the best type of avoidant. They hate that. But to me, being a dismissive avoidant is a superpower because basically it means that you can walk away from anyone at any time and never look back. If that isn't a superpower, I don't know what is. So if anyone should know about avoidance, that would mean me. And I know how difficult it is to get me back if I'm not interested. So I've talked in a previous video about how someone was able to get me back using this technique. And so when it happened again today, when I realized it, then I knew I had to make a video because it almost worked, it almost worked. Except now I know the signs. So I'm sure there are videos on 5 ways to get an avoidant X back and all kinds of techniques. Obviously, no contact, but I believe in going straight to the heart of the matter. Because, as I said, getting an avoidant bag is not easy, but if it almost got me back, a second time with someone else, then I know that it works. Because I'm hard to get back. I'm very black and white. There's not a lot of gray area with me. Either totally into someone or I couldn't care less. So you may have heard me talk in a previous video about the fact that I realized that someone was manifesting me.
A highlight from Dr. Art Kleinschmidt
"You can call into that show via Clubhouse, and you can be on the restream there in the chat, and I'll see you. We tend to do a lot of interactive stuff there. All right, today it's my friend art Klein Schmidt, the organization is recovery for America, recovery for America. Are you doctor Yang? Well, I am. Doctor Klein. Was a senior adviser at domestic policy council, also senior adviser White House office of national drug control policy with that translate into is that he was the assistant drug czar. It was right under the drug czar and I thought he was going to move into that position and unfortunately that didn't happen. And it would have been an amazing thing. Had you done so art himself is sober for on the order of 20 years. And we'll talk about that. Welcome. Hey, Dr. Drew, happy to be here. First thing to talk about is recovery for America. Which I'm on the board of, I'm full fully involved with you and your wonderful wife, who is one of the most successful drug court judges that I've ever come across. This is something you guys set up. Tell us about it. Well, it is. My wife and I are both in recovery, but so this is a passion project that we made together. We have an excellent board. We have yourself. We have Randy Grimes. We have other people that served in high levels of the presidential administration as well. We have corporate people. And Randy Grimes, you just interviewed the other week. I did. He's a really interesting dude. He had a hell of a story. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. So we're very happy to have them on board. We have a Camille Shire, a former Miss America as well. I'm very excited about her work. She's a great addiction advocate out there. So yeah, really well. So it's a passion project that we tried to bypass a lot of the hurdles and obstacles from one person in need to actually get themselves to treatment. So we're trying to work and build treatment scholarships for those in need. And so would it be something where a family is searching for treatment for a loved one and you'd come to recovery for America and apply? How would that work? Well, we're going to actually, we're going to, well, exactly. I got a case that already sort of happened. A lady contacted me, a good friend of my sister. And their nephew needed help. And right now he's on Medicaid. So we're working to get him into treatment. Do we have certain centers we're working with? Yeah, right now we do have certain centers. So we're not going to give the money to the client or that. We're going to work with the center to get the guy on board into treatment. And as the plan to have regional centers all over the place and it is, we're trying to go to go nationwide with this. Do we have specific centers right now? We do. We have a couple that we're working with. That's why we have Randy on our board as well. And then I got contacts in the treatment world. I know quite a few interventionists are actually sober people that went through the treatment center that I worked that are out there getting people into treatment as well. So if you need an interventionist, we're going to provide that too. Well, I don't know if we can provide that, but they could actually we're going to refer that. Yeah, yeah. Like assists forget somebody from point a to point B is actually sort of the thing. And what we're trying to do is bike pass a lot of the obstacles that are actually in place right now and try to get right to the people and get them the treatment that they need. Yes, so many of the obstacles in this state and I suspect not so much in New York but there too. The laws prevent you from doing anything. You can't go from point a to point B you're breaking the law. If you try to help somebody. It's crazy. Well, that's kind of where the stuff that I'm trying to overcome right now. It's trying to get people from that and try to bypass a lot of the unnecessary barriers that are in place. Oh my God. Yeah, they really are. Yeah, it's almost sort of profound. They talk about the people need treatment. They need help, but then all of a sudden then they're actually making it so complicated to get somebody there. Like when I was in the federal government, you know, I was trying to pitch the IMD exclusion to talk about that. Well, when you look at you look at Medicaid and Medicare, it's within a they call it CMS. The center for Medicaid and Medicare. But when you look like at a Medicaid for to get somebody into substance abuse treatment, every state has a different system and then they have certain waivers that they do. And then if you're looking within the CMS system, it's almost like a foreign language unto itself. Yes. And so I was telling people, it's almost ludicrous to think somebody with a mental health disorder. Handle this. Yeah, yeah. It's not going to happen. So I have the exclusion came from the early days of the Medicare policy. I think it was under president Johnson that he exclusion in place. I thought Nixon, maybe it was Johnson, I don't know. It could have been Johnson. But way back in the 60s. So it couldn't have been Nixon yet. Though Nixon, I'm sure had he supported it, I guess. Yeah, I'm sure. But the bottom line is that Medicare for whatever weird reason would not support institutions for mental disorders. IMD. IMD was excluded from Medicare coverage, which is insane. And the reason that I understand that they did that is that this constitution specifically, and this has been discussed since president pierce. The constitution specifically doesn't allow for treatment of mental illness and therefore the states have to pick that up. And unfortunately, that was the state hospital system that was so vilified by the post structuralist who are now in charge of everything. Guys like Foucault felt that there was no such thing as mental illness that it was caused by institutions, which could not be more fucking wrong. Then we had the national student mental health with the three first directors the national mental health had a similar outlook and none of them had ever treated mental illness. And so it's just, of course, things got completely dismantled and screwed up. And now we're still living in a time when people with serious mental illness can't get care. No. And if you look at him, I think there's statistics for a little bit fudge. I believe most of them have. You look at the homeless here. That's going to be very complicated patient to treat, right? You know what I mean? And the longer they stay out there, the longer they use, the worse they get. Yeah, but you first have to understand that they're using to say that they're opiates in math are just rampant on the streets. Right. And then the people want to sit around and talk about what you'd use too if you're on the streets. I don't give a shit. We have to weed out have a drug problem. We have to treat that. I don't care how it happened. We have to treat it. You know what I mean? Right. Because they're doing it because they're on the streets, therefore, if you put them in a house, the drug addiction will go away. No. It doesn't matter why you're doing drugs. Now you have drug addiction. Now that needs to be treated. Period. Definitely. I mean, I equate this with some people to try to understand a little bit, even if they're not homeless, but like when I worked at I worked at a long term treatment center for very seriously multiple overdose sort of clients and stuff. So we had like a continuum of care there. But if they could one of them was like graduating, say, from treatment, they could get a parent to give them or especially with divorce parents, one or more to be the nice guy and get them an apartment and not make them go to the sober house to recovery house. We almost always always had like a new crack house in the neighborhood. A new shooting gallery in the neighborhood that you actually have to go and intervene on.
A highlight from 351: How Exercise Will Improve Your Relationship
"By one what's going on guys. Thanks so much for tuning in to today's show where I talk to doctor Jennifer hies and she is associate professor and Canada research chair in brain and health and aging in kinesiology at McMaster university and she is the author of move the body heal the mind and today we talk about how exercise can help improve our relationships. And I say it in the interview that I feel I don't really talk about this enough because it is such an important part of having a healthy relationship is obviously getting right with our own mental health, but also getting right with our own physical health because literally we're more irritable we're more anxious we're more tired if we're not exercising. If we're feeling all of those things, we're going to find it challenging to improve our relationships. So Jennifer gives us some great tips and guides to implementing exercise in our lives so that we can use it to improve our relationships. I really enjoyed this conversation with Jennifer. As always, thank you so much for tuning into the show for telling your friends and family. We're coming up on summer almost and I always choke, I think every year that we're going to have the summer promo of tell one friend and family member about the show, if you like it and that's really what helps us spread the word to get this information out to more people and if you really enjoy the show leaving us a review on iTunes or Spotify is greatly appreciated. Thank you guys for listening and enjoy today's show. Hey Jennifer, thanks so much for joining me on the show today. Thanks so much for having me. Today we're going to talk about your new book, move the body, heal the mind and how using the information from the book and your research can improve our relationships. And just a couple minutes ago, we were talking about how obviously the healthier we are individually, the better we're going to show up in relationships. So that is the premise here. And we don't talk a lot about just physical health on the show because we're talking about communication, sexuality. There's so much to talk about in relationships. But this is super important because if we don't have that foundation of health, then it's kind of hard to do a lot of the other things. So let's start by having you tell our listeners how you came to write this book and how you think about it in relation to improving relationships. Yeah. Yeah, it's such an important piece that we often don't think about, right? But it's that self care piece, right? We need to be, we need to be good ourselves in order to be really good in relationships. And so the reason I wrote the book. So the book, I'm an academic. I'm a researcher. I direct the neuro fit lab. So we conduct research on exercise and the brain, but the story is also really personal for me. This research area, I actually came to it through a personal crisis. So in graduate school, I was in my 20s and studying neuroscience, just how the brain represents who we are, our memories. And it became clear to me something wasn't quite right with my own brain. I was having pretty severe anxiety, I wasn't able to show up for the people in my life in a way a meaningful way that I wanted to.
A highlight from Bonus: Romanticizing Everything with Casey McQuiston
"Hi, Meredith. I'm so excited to very be much here. congratulations. Okay, so I know book very releases much congratulations. can be very I know overwhelming. book releases can be very overwhelming. I have read this book. I have loved this book. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your work and how you came to it? Yeah, so I am I kind of described myself when Uber drivers asked me what I do. I say, I write romance and young adult novels, and then if it's a cool Uber driver, I say I write queer robits, the young adult novels, which is really what I do. I write queer romantic comedies for adults and young adults. I have two books that came out in 2019 and 2021 red white and royal blue and one last stop, which are both queer adult rom coms and then I kiss your Wheeler is my first queer rom com for young adults and how I came to this is I love romance and I'm a queer person. And so I was like, why not combine these things? And then make it my whole life. Not a bad idea. Okay. So what is it like writing for the young adult audience for the first time? It's interesting because I think the biggest changes were just thematically, I really wanted to explore themes that were more relevant to that age group. Adult books really more explorer, who am I and how does this person fit into the world? And I think that's kind of a new adult quarter life crisis feeling. And I think what teens are more experiencing right now is for the first time grappling with the idea of like I kind of thought I knew who I was as, you know, because you're coming out of childhood thinking like, well, I've been the same person this whole time. And you're just starting to feel out like, okay, but who am I really? And how does that reconcile with this kid I've been all along? And so that is a big theme that I'm exploring in this book that I didn't really explore as much in my first two and also just the way that characters act when they're teenagers and giving them room to be teens and not just be like posturing, I am an adult and I am going to write the cool woke perfect teen who never says the wrong thing and never makes the wrong choice that I wish I had been. I don't think teens find that relatable, I think it's really transparently adults trying to rewrite our cringe past selves as like, oh, but what if I had been cool and everyone had liked me and I had never embarrassed myself? That's not realistic. And so I wanted to write these teens who were still figuring things out so making bad choices still carrying way too much about all the wrong things because that's what being a teenager is. And I really enjoyed that because you don't have to like I said earlier you don't have to hold teens to the same logical standards of adult characters and so you can do way messier things with them and that's so fun to have the freedom to do that. So it was really fun. It was really challenging. It was a lot of like, oh, let's learn to extend empathy to my annoying teenage past self. Let's unpack a lot of things that are left over from high school. And that was really rewarding and really cathartic and really, really, really, really fun. The romance genre, even to call it a genre, it is so many things. Why do you love it? And what does it mean to you? I mean, I think I'm a feelings person. I think first and foremost in every area of life, I'm a feelings person. And romance is like 1000% pure high octane feelings 24/7 straight to the gut, love it. While you can find romance in anything, they're very few genres that will hit all of the emotional highs and lows that I really, really crave out of fiction in the same ways where it's the main focus and it is like you know there's going to be payoff and you know it's going to end with a happy ending and you know that these people that you come to love and care about are going to come to love and care about each other. It's just intoxicating and it's so much fun literally I don't think I can think of a feeling that romance is not a cure for. I think a good romance novel will make you happier when you're already happy, make you feel better when you're sad, make you feel hope again when your heart broken, even if you're mad, it can give you something somewhere else to put the intensity of your feelings, you know? And I think that it's just so hard to find that in any other kind of fiction in such a pure just like completely beautiful, undiluted way. And it's addictive, and I love it. I have long been a romance novel fan. I mean, growing up that way, right? And I think that the perception of romance novels have changed specifically. I want to give it 6 years, 6, 7 years, maybe I'm underestimating. But where there was a radical shift in how people talked about it, people talked about romance with more respect. And I think even a lot of indie bookstores around where I live in Boston were suddenly like, huh, maybe we downplayed these books because of misogyny, not because they're not good. And so I wondered, when you were growing up, what your perception of romance was and how you would define those books now.
A highlight from THIS Is How You Find Your Values & Understand The Concept Of Values w/ Lorraine Hamilton and Apollonia Ponti
"Hi guys, in today's podcast, I have my coach Lorraine Hamilton. She is an ICF teacher, and ICF certified coach, and she helps other people recognize their values, their concept of values, and she is my personal coach. You know how I always say coaches need coaches will commit Lorraine also not only supports me and my business, but also supports me to elevating in my coaching skills. So today, I am bringing her to you. And in this podcast, we are going to be talking about how to understand the concept of values and how to find them. So many people ask me apologia, how do we even know my values? What are values? Well, we're going to dive in and dissect it here in today's podcast. Now, let's begin. All right, so Lorraine, I'm so happy to have you. Obviously everybody, everybody that's here and this interview with Lorraine. We are going to be discussing a lot about values, how to implement them and how to understand the concept of values and how to find them. So learn a rain is amazing. She is actually someone that we have worked with personally in our business and is a licensed and certified coach and actually helps in the licensing program in coaching as well as she is also a mentor to many other people in the coaching practice and mentorship. Lorraine Hamilton is a PCC as global accredited coach with over 15 years of experience, and she's around the ICF certified coaching school certification professional coaching program for over 5 years. Before being brought on as a program director at coaching, she had Emmy Award winning media. She was an Emmy Award media winning media entrepreneur and coached herself The Rain is a master coach and trainer in Lorraine has been featured in countless media outlets and including inspiring coaching and coaching magazines and actually inspiring a lot of coaches like myself. So I wanted to bring Lorraine on the segment because this is something that she talks about a lot is how to understand and concept values. So for those of you that are tuning into the live at the moment too, you can also join in the Q&A at the end. You can also ask Lorraine some questions about values. Feel free to interact with us as well. And then yeah, Lorraine, now the floor is yours. I just want to first say thank you for being here with us. And thank you for being here with me as well. Oh, thank you for having me. It's such a treat in an honor to talk about values in different communities and to bring this work to new audiences all the time because it really is I believe the foundation of my work and the work that I do with clients, but it is the foundation of so many other pieces like confidence and communication and relationships. And feeling successful without knowing what our values are, then it's really difficult. I refer to it as flying blind. I don't know how to make decisions if I don't know what my values are. I don't know how to help my clients, if I don't know what their values are. So really, it is the coroner stone of the work that I do. And the processes that I teach other cultures is how to get to those values because so many of us don't even know our values are. And that's not that's not a criticism of anyone that's not me trying to shame or blame anyone. We literally don't know what our values are because we inherit them. Our first set of values we inherit from our family and from our teachers and our mentors and our religious leaders and our peers, we're told what is most important, right? So we don't get to decide what's most important for us until much later on when we've had some life experience when we decide that there are certain belief systems that we've maybe been introduced to that no longer serve us, so and then there's this interesting conflict that happens in many people that I have seen that they don't know how to question that. So rather than questioning and challenging it, they stuff it down and go, but no, no, no, no, no. I'm not supposed to feel that way because I've been told that what
A highlight from Episode 89 Our Relationship with Poverty in America Ft Darryl Finkton JR from End Poverty Make Trillions
"Hey guys, I just wanted to give you a quick heads up. I'm really sorry about the audio quality for this episode. It's not great. So I'm really, really sorry. What's up? Weirdos. Hey, yo, me. Shit. I got me a little something road, the lights are low, and we're about to chop it up with Abigail on a manic pixie weirdo pocket. Safe space for weirdos of all shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds to relax and speak their piece. So grab your glass of wine and grab the chief as I get off the mic so the main weirdo can speak. Peace, peace, God. What is up weirdos? You're listening to the manic pixie weirdo. I'm Abigail your host, and this is the podcast where we talk about all the different kinds of relationships that we have in our lives. And this week we are joined by Daryl thinked in junior from end poverty make trillions and we are here to talk about our relationship with poverty in America. But first, a word from our sponsors. What is it for you guys? I wanted to talk to you a little bit about our sponsor for this episode, news late. It's an audio app for iOS and Android where they basically take articles from all over the world and all the trending topics that are on the web at any given moment. And it reads them to you. In like an actual voice, like a human being would. It's basically the first time in the history of the Internet where the entire web becomes listenable. It's really cool. You guys, they have all different kinds of articles from all different kinds of topics so that you can stop scrolling and start listening, which I really love. You can follow all the any topic all the topics, whatever topic you want to talk about or listen about from sports science, Bitcoin, even the Kardashians, like everybody. They have all the latest articles, and it reads them to you. So it's super easy. They also have podcasts, which is why I'm talking to you guys about it because our podcast along with podcasts from over 50 other countries are on the app. So that's really, really cool.
A highlight from Ep. 432 Does Size Matter?
"Everyone's body is different. Not only are our bodies different, our lifestyles are different, our medical histories different our mental health, our goals are all different and found is the first weight loss solution to address you as a whole person. Think of found as the weight loss clinic you can take with you anywhere. Accessible straight from your living room. They customize the best of modern medicine and lasting behavioral changes to your unique biology for the healthiest and most sustainable weight loss possible. So visit join found dot com to learn more about their program. Take your health assessment and start your weight care journey today. That's join found J oin F and D dot com. Want to know the hidden meaning behind what women say and do, then check out the. It's the wing girl methods manual that gives you a full rundown of all the things women say that can fuse men ridden in dictionary format.
A highlight from Unlock Your Full Potential By Finding Your Purpose w/ Ira Davis & Apollonia Ponti
"And Ira Davis has been on a mission to help people find their purpose. This man is a dear friend. Is someone that I met in a speech that I was traveling to and I just remember instantly connecting with him. Ira is a father, a husband, a dream developer, coach. He's also served his career for ten years in the Marine Corps as a drill instructor. He's learned so much not only in his life, but just in everything that he's been through through his coaching speaking skydiving and filmmaking, Ira has helped 6 to 8 figure entrepreneurs and executives. NFL Hall of Famers, Grammy Award singers, Olympus athletes and multi elite organized organizations had ground level and ground transformations on all levels, excuse me. I am so happy that he is part of my mission. I'm so happy to bring him to you. So enjoy today's podcast says we're going to talk about all about purpose, finding your life mission and motivating you. So if this is something that you need, continue to stay tuned as I'm here to support you and let's dive in as this is an amazing podcast. You're going to feel his energy. Well, I was really happy that you're here. I love what you do, obviously, because you're here with me. We met actually at the transform you event that we had. And you were M saying the event and you were had amazing energy. I had like the first 5 minutes of talking to you. It was like this man was a real deal. He's amazing. He has a heart of gold. He's really helping people out there. And I'm so happy to get you on today's live session with the members and everything. I would love for you to just kind of introduce yourself, tell people who you are, what you do, and then we'll take from there. Yeah, I love it. Well, thank you so much, apolloni. Thanks for having me. You know, I feel the same way about you. When I met you, I was like, this incredible lady is going places. And I want to be right there with her. So a little bit about me. My name is Ira Davis. I'm the CEO and founder of a transformational coaching company called the dream director company. Where I train audacious and driven entrepreneurs, executives leaders. How to discover their purpose, how to unlock their dreams and how to break free from their comfort zones. So ultimately, they can live a life where they are people who shift culture, shape humanity and service miracles with their life. That's amazing. And that's exactly what you do. Iraq, can you give them a little bit of about your background? A little bit about what you've gone through where you came from and so on. Yeah, a little bit about my background. I was in the Marine Corps for about ten years and I loved 20% of it. I hated 80% of it, but you know, I was good at what I did. Leadership inspiration, and you know, helping people get to new and greater levels of purpose and things of that nature. And so really born in Brooklyn, New York raised in Virginia, lived in now live in California being here in my whole adult life and married with two awesome boys that keep me on my toes. But yeah, so that's a little bit about me. Oh, amazing. And then in regards to finding your purpose, what got you into the work of generally just helping people find their purpose. Man, that's a loaded question. Well, listen, so for me, you know, guys, you know, listening, I want you to hear me. I grew up feeling what I call purpose lost. Like knowing that there was something in me great, but I could never reach it tap into it and access it. You know, I felt like when God was handing out purpose and dreams, I felt like he skipped me. And I don't know if there's anybody listening today who has ever felt like that, but that's how I felt like look around my life as a kid as a teenager. Watching my friends and my family be great. But then looking at myself in the mirror and say, what was I born for? What was I created to do? I wasn't great in school. I was decent in basketball. But everything else that normally kids and young adults get awards and accolades for apollonia. I didn't get those kind of awards. To this day, my 11 year old and 13 year old have more awards than I have in my whole life. But it took me to a place in the Marine Corps where I began to see a glimpse of who I was, right? I love leadership. I love inspiration. But I didn't think that those were things that you could build a life on to serve other people. Like as a kid, I want you to think about this. Nobody ever tells you that being transformation on and being a leader and being inspirational is something that is a real gift to the world. And so I grew up literally feeling like I had nothing to offer because I didn't run fast, sing
A highlight from My Relationship with Poverty in America
"What's up weirdos? Hey yo, me. Shit. I got me a little something rolled, the lights are low and we're about to chop it up with Abigail on a manic pixie weirdo podcast. Okay, okay. A safe space for weirdos of all shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds to relax and speak their piece. So grab your glass of wine and grasp the chief as I get off the mic so the main weirdo can speak. Peace. What is up weirdos? You're listening to the manic pixie weirdo. I'm Abigail your host, and this is the podcast where we talk about all the different kinds of relationships that we have in our life. And this week we're talking about my relationship with poverty in America. First, though, I would like to go ahead and give a trigger warning. I did do math for this episode. I did a lot of math for this episode. So just kind of keep that in mind. It's going to be fine. It's going to be okay. We're going to get through it together. I'm going to explain it to you. So I'll walk you through it. It's going to be fine. I just wanted to put that out there. Also, poverty in America is a pretty triggering subject, I think. So trigger warning for that as well. I mean one of the reasons I think this is such a triggering subject or can be is it's incredibly frustrating. It's a very, very, very frustrating topic to sort of try and tackle. Because one, it is so multifaceted. There's so many different elements and aspects to what is happening with poverty in America and so it's not just like one thing. So please keep that in mind. There are many different elements that sort of feed in to poverty in the United States. So just keep that in mind. It's very frustrating. And I think one of the reasons why it's so frustrating for me is because I went down so I went down like a huge rabbit hole, like trying to do research for this topic. And one of the things that I found was that, you know, we don't practice what we preach. At all, we don't put our money where our mouth is. We don't, especially in the United States, we don't do any of those things. You know, we say we talk a lot about helping the poor and feeding the hungry and helping the sick and caring for the poor. But we don't do anything about it, ever. We just sort of taught we do a lot of talking. We do a lot of talking. Don't get me wrong. There's a lot of talking that happens around this topic. There's just not a lot that gets done. Ever. And I think one of the reasons that's one, a, one of the reasons why it's so frustrating is because we don't practice what we preach. We don't put our money where our mouth is. We don't ever do anything to show that no, this is what we believe in, and this is how we show that this is what we believe in. And these are our values. These are our morals. This is what. We stand for, basically. And so that's really frustrating. I think, at least for me, it is. And I don't know where that disconnect. Like happened, if that makes sense, I don't know. that disconnect happened, I don't know any of those things. I just don't have answers to those questions. It just, you know, I just know from the amount of research that I did for this. That we don't do anything about it. And that's highly frustrating because it's a problem that we could literally solve tomorrow. And as far as wages are concerned, we could literally solve that tomorrow. And. It would at least help. And. I don't, I mean, that's not true. I do know why we don't do it. And that's another reason why it's really for shooting because I don't so here in the United States, your value, your worth, your. Everything. Is tied to directly to how many zeros you have in your bank account. And. I don't like that. Mainly because if you just take that as like a metric, if you simply take value equals number of zeros you have in your bank account. First of all, it tells you very little about the person that you're talking with or that you're around or
A highlight from Ep. 432 Two Magical Tools to Eliminate Anxiety with Women
"Hey guys, welcome to the ask women podcast and I forget how our intro goes because Kristen usually introduced the show, but she is not here today, but that's fine because I have somebody better for you. I have Tracy on with me and I actually work with Tracy, Tracy is one of my wing girls, and she's not like a coaching guy's kind of wing girl. She is my keep Marnie in order. Keep her organized, get her to do her shit and pretty much just like organize my entire life, which is fantastic. So she is amazing in my eyes and she will be amazing in your eyes after you listen to this episode. So Tracy, thank you so much for coming on and talking with us. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Yeah, well, so yesterday, you and I were having a conversation and as always, we get into psychological talks and talking about mom stuff and how to be more calm cool and collected and you started talking about this really interesting tool on how to, I'm going to label it incorrectly. Maybe you'll correct me. I saw it as how to name your triggering points and potentially help with a little bit of PTSD. And so for a lot of guys listening, they may have their own personal triggering points, their own personal PTSD, but I know that the majority of men listening do have a triggering point when it comes to approaching women talking to women, setting boundaries with women. And I thought that this tool could be really useful for them. So I would love if you could explain that tool that you were sharing with me yesterday because I think it's fantastic. Sure, and it's a little bit of background. I'm all about brains, right? And how to make it easier for us to get stuff done that we want to do in our lives. And so the brain is kind of like a computer, right? Where the software that's going in, right? Like if you have crummy software yeah, you get crappy results. You can broken down the computer. Yeah, totally. It runs crummy, right? But if you get the right software in there, it runs like a well oiled machine, you get stuff done fast. You can make miracles, right? And so when we're talking about triggers, a lot of the problems and why we get triggered is because we have some of that old programming, that old software in place. So when you're wanting to approach and you're wanting to be successful and wouldn't it be nice if you approached women and it was just, it was easy. And it wasn't so hard. And so you didn't get sweaty and anxiety and that pit in your stomach, right? You didn't get all that. And it was just easy. And so one of the ways to do that is to remove that old programming and that old trigger. And I bet you that anybody that is having issues with approaching women, I bet you that it's the same thoughts. The same emotions are going around in circles in their head over and over and over and over again. And what that's doing is as creating the programming is creating the software that you're running off of and literally it's creating new neural pathways in your brain. In order to do that. So we were talking about how do you reprogram that programming, right? Like how do you program yourself? Yeah. I'm all about, I think I told you, I'm like, how do you brainwash yourself to get good results, right? Not brainwashing for bad, but brainwashing to get what you want. Yeah. So one of the things that we were talking about is basically interrupting that pattern. Right? Like interrupting it's a pattern that you've got going on that cycle that's happening. So how do you stop that so you don't even get started? Right? And so one of the things that you can do that we were talking about is there's a lot of emotion that's involved. And the emotion is what stops you, right? Like the emotion is what gives you the anxiety. The feeling. That's the fear, right? And so every emotion, and I don't know if you've ever thought about it this way. Every emotion you physically feel it in your body. Yes, right? So think about it. You get anxiety. That's the pit of your stomach. Yeah. Right? Sometimes you might have chest pain when something comes up. It could be a throat that you feel it in your throat. And one of the things that you can do is to when you're triggered, when you have anxiety, when you have something coming up that just, you know, you're sweating. Physically manifest in your body is to sit if you can, close your eyes, to number one, identify that feeling in your body, right? Where do you feel it? Let's say it's the pit of your stomach. And one of the things you can do is in the pit of your stomach, you can objectively look at it. So there's no judgment in what you're doing. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't, right? Like I should know how to do this, no judgment. Feel it in your body. Pit of your stomach and see it right visualize it. When does it look like? What does it feel like for me, a lot of times it feels like a dense, heavy feeling, right? Oh, that's interesting. Mine is more hot. Mine is always like deep. It's on fire. I can see it. And fire. And churning. Does it churn? Yes. Yep. Yep. So we get there, right? And let it come up, right? A lot of times what's happening with the triggers and everything that we have is that it's this emotion that we've trained ourselves to feel. And so it kind of gets stuck there. And so by doing this, we're actually releasing it, right? So what you do is get that fiery churning feeling that for me, it's a heavy black tar. It kind of moves right. And I can visualize that. Just sit with it. So when you say sit with it, it's your eyes closed, you can see this in your stomach and you sit with it and you say what to yourself. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is, okay? It is what it is. It's there. See, if there's any feelings that come up, right? A lot of times you might associate it with, I'm just scared to approach her, right? But it could be that you got rejected one time, and it was embarrassing. And so that, for me, that black tar could be embarrassment over that. And is it okay to recognize those things like to say, oh, you know what? I see embarrassment in there. I see when I was 12 years old and some girls said this to me. Is it okay to go to that space? Absolutely. Okay. And when you're going to that space, it's just acceptance. It is what it is, is what it is. I do this regularly. I do it all day every day. When something comes up, I feel it, I go there, I sit with it, to see what is actually coming up for me. And I clear it is the point. But there have been things that I've gone in there and I'm like, wow, that is so unflattering. You're embarrassed after you're like, ugh. I'm embarrassed that I feel that way, right? But again, that's how I feel. It doesn't mean I have to continue feeling that way, right? That thing in the pit of my stomach is something that happened from the past. This is here and now that I can choose to make a difference and choose to change ongoing. So it is what it is. There's no judgment. You sit with it, you just let it be, what happens is it usually takes a few seconds, if not maybe two minutes max sitting with it, it's uncomfortable. A lot of the time, like it's not necessarily fun. To be there, right? But what you'll feel is it will start to kind of shift a little bit for you. Sometimes it'll morph into like a different shape, something, stay with it, just keep going. And then what I do is I kind of take right deep breath and exhale it and I imagine exhaling that emotion that feeling that comes out. A lot of times if you ever seen a dog shake kind of that you get kind of the emotion and it's just shaking it off, right? So
Mind the Age Gap - Age Differences When Dating
"Thought begin to discuss dating and each gaps because because eventually updates men that are older than me as far as to eighteen years. Older than me appleseed guys are younger an out death notice complete So the instant to know your thoughts on if you have had a big age gap in Work for you I do have feigns. Relationships with guys are younger and the delight that at an rise ago. Veins or detail guys are older but that comes with disadvantages against both can come at advantages so they could wanted discuss. Yeah massively this is good because we haven't discussed this topic. Kappa is quite a big one because his very much. Like when you're on a dating choosing the a train that guy for and yeah I have dated someone. He was hanging out in the me when i was twenty. They will ferte and he had. It was actually. It was quite controlling relationship and yet didn't end. Well did you want to date For you as a twenty year old data Rt was that exciting. Or did you feel like you could see to your friends or hyundai zone. Is ten years older. Was it was more like a throwback way while it kinda just happened. What it was is one of my colleagues. He was dating her sister. And i went to a policy and we just got on everson and i didn't actually know how big of an age gap it was until till afterwards and then things moved very quickly and yeah my life my twenties. I think he was like two years of just Yeah like i missed out on those two years of my twenties and what twenty year old should be. Because i was dating someone who was ten years older and they were very much like this is how life has to be
Relationship Therapist, Brittanni Young, on How to Manage Rejection
"Sex down south best sex conference ever down at atlanta. You are hosting a workshop on managing rejection and a really wanna talk about this so tell us why. This is such an important topic. I might be colored in my lens as it's just the thing that keeps coming up you know both personally and professionally and i don't think people realize because it often feels isolating when you're in it but there is going to be that dynamic there where you have somebody who's the higher desire partner in the low desire partner in any given situation. It's not common where you have both high desire or both low desire at the exact same time you know and really being able to navigate those waters. Most people have no idea. They're just okay. I just think that. I need to bring you to my level in that. Is the solution so much so right. My partner is broken. can you fix them. Can you diagnose them. And can you fix them. And even beyond sacs rejection. It just feels like this important life skill that has been glossed over. You know in recent years. We've heard a lot about vulnerability right expressing vulnerability and showing vulnerability. And i don't think ten years ago. We were hearing as much of that in the mainstream. I agree and i'm like in five or ten years. Will we hear more about rejection league in every respect whether it's applying for a job or this is a tiny little thing but saying hello or smiling at someone on the street and having them ignore you not for hitting on purposes Just for friendly. Now you live in the south. You live in atlanta We're a lot of people smile and say hello. Yeah i live in toronto. Where when i smile and say hello i kinda get. I get pretty upset. Sometimes because people will just look right through you or almost even roll their eyes at you and what am experiencing there Is very visceral. Yeah it's rejection out. It's probably not about me right. It is it is actually okay. I'm gonna say this. Maybe people from toronto will disagree but for me. It's a cultural thing in the city that you ignore each other. In fact people in new york are more likely to like not it. You say hello. Wow yeah turn a special. This is my view. I know somebody's gonna say no toronto and it's not everybody right. There are pockets. That are super friendly. So that experience of rejection like it just feels so bad in your body
A Friendly Ghost Story
"I think we talk a lot about ghosting in the romantic context right But it also happens with friends. Obviously and the reason. I want to talk about friend. Ghosting today is. Because i think it's an example of a larger problem with how friendships tend to end like what happened with one of our listeners. I just remember. There was one particular instance where she called me. And i looked at the phone and i was like oh i can't do this. I just didn't answer. This is dana lucic and a couple years ago. Dana goes did a good friend of hers when she learned her friend with pregnant. Oh my inner feminist is really angry at me. Because i know that women are able to do everything and anything to be cleared. Dana was excited for her friend but she was also worried about their friendship. Changing i am now thirty years old and i do not want children and i struggle when my friend start to have children because i feel like they change and i feel like they you know of course obviously wanna spend a lot of time with their kids talk about their kids and i'm just not interested. Gina this is like oh. You're having a baby. Congratulations you just lost a friend. It's like the exact opposite reaction society. Expects you to give exactly exactly. I really respect her ruthlessness about it. Yeah and dino wasn't always like this
Colorism in the Bedroom With Sex Therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo
"Wondering if we could start off a little bit with you just sharing a bit of the work that it is that you do and how you got to this point well I'm a sexual relationship therapist at focus in on. How color isn't intellectualism impact in sexual health. I got into this work because people kept telling me. And i was comfortable enough to talk to them about sex and sexuality but i felt like there were missing pieces when i went to school so then trying to figure out like okay. How do you bridge the gap and those missing pieces that you're noticing and with the people that you know you want to serve So in doing that work at like it's just been like a slow bill of these all these other pieces because when you start your own practice you know everybody and they momma is willing to give you some advice but sometimes advice. We have four you. It's about their fears and the concerns that they had in creating a business. And not about you though. I remember people telling me out. You're using to me black photos on your website. Oh don't need down so much more of a generalist. So everybody could see you as that of narrowing it all the way down and i just had to realize that if you are generalists you don't see the people that you wanna see and if you don't have the pictures of the people that you serve. They don't know that they are being served. They may still come but they don't know that you're there your priority so for me of being more of a like a no brainer had to go back in just change What i had been told and religious think into what is best for me most authentic for me and that has allowed a non brighthouse flourish in the way that it has a started off as a solo a solo practitioner. And now i have a team of three other people currently working
Religion & Divorce With Author Amy Pettyjohn
"So one of the common questions that i receive. I think i get a message or to every single week from particularly a woman who says that she is in this really unhealthy relationship but it goes against everything that she was raised to believe about marriage. In that a lot of times i even here like there's family members who were in ministry and have just you know said that bill shun her if she gets a divorce. So let's just i kick it off and if you can share like your own religious background and what role it played in the decision that you made sure and i relate so much to those kind of messages because that was me. I was raised to believe that the worst is never an auction. Never an option and that god heat sports and so when i got into a marriage full of just sexual immorality and lies in i just felt stocker felt like there was still no way out because versus never option and so i stayed for a really long time and i just stuck there and so it took me a long time to get to a point of understanding. God's love means for me and grace and mercy and what the bible really says about marriage and divorce and that there is a way out of fat and so it took me while to get here. But once i got here and i really aged discovered. God's grace infirmity loves me doesn't want me to be a maximum of situation able to have that freedom. Did you have any external pressures trying to talk you out of getting a divorce. Oh absolutely yes you know. It's funny when you're in a church situation. You can be an addict alcohol. But you can't have problems in your marriage and interpret and that happens so often so there's really nowhere to go so you kind of keep a lot of things secret anytime keep you know what's happening in your marriage to yourself but also when i did start talking about divorce absolutely there was some pressure and i know my parents show kathy talking about this by parents. Were big part of that pressure. Being wanted me to stay. When the day i filed for divorce got a phone call from them and it will and it's just as hard. My parents and i went through a lot of bruce together in my
Self Love to Improve Your Relationship
"Let's dive in and have you tell us maybe what it is about self love. That is so important. Why it's hard to do. And then we'll talk about the steps to get there and how it's going to help us fantastic so first of all. I want to see that the word self love may not resonate with you and that's okay. Sometimes you wanna start even more neutral web appreciation or respect or even a sentence. And i like to think of it. As if you're working for a boss that was always putting you down. You were never enough. There is always moving the goalpost on. You always reprimanding you for for every little mistake. Email is putting you down. You would do just the bare minimum in that role to avoid criticism to not get in trouble. You would not thrive and ultimately you would quit as soon as you spell. We are typically not everyone falls into this category but the women that i work with country because they are been so hard on themselves and their so negative with themselves any impact. Some all the time in the thing is that when we have the soundtracks these thoughts is always constantly putting ourselves down not appreciating ourselves. Stop being enough. We don't even know it's happening. Because we've been playing that soundtrack we've been thinking those thoughts we've been speaking to ourselves in that way for so long and when you don't feel good about yourself and you don't love yourself for yourself or appreciative south. It's really hard to show bullying relationships with others as well. I have so many women. I work with that. They'll tell me if an assurance of a week or two into our kuching programs that they're espouses will remark on how much happy they're happier there. How much more present. They are how much happy. They're just by working on a little bit of self preservation. Self respect self south love self acceptance.
Why Your Friends Should Be One of Your Primary Growth Drivers
"Your friend should be lifting you up. Not pushing you down. Your friend should be inspiring you to get better. Your friends should have your back but also be willing to challenge your face. You know what i'm saying like your friends are and should be one of your primary growth drivers in life. Most people choose ambitious goals to be their growth driver. Or i'm going do something. That's hard or i'm going to try to achieve this amazing thing. I'm trying to become a millionaire or make this difference or build this company or you know have this type of family and it's this external climb this thing they're trying to achieve and too many people forget it's like actually one of the best drivers of growth isn't your job isn't your goals. It's your friendship circle and your circles. Make you a more alive deeper. Caring thoughtful authentic person in the world. I'm telling you what guess what at work you're better at home. You're better your art. Gets better your sense of life lifts and so in studying this work deeply over the years and recognizing how many people are entrepreneurs high achievers people who are trying to make great impact in the world. You're here today and sometimes that journey can't feel very lonely or when you get to the top it can feel lonely. They say. And i'm like i kind of believe what my friend brian tracy and mentor said to me. One time he said if it's lonely at the top you did it wrong
The Connection Between Sexual and Emotional Intimacy With Psychologist Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
"What's the effect that emotional intimacy hasn't sexual intimacy while. Sometimes i feel a little bit like a marriage. We do what we sometimes do in psychology. Which is we make a kind of false split between emotional and sexual intimacy like we do it between the mind and the body in psychology. Where i think it's much more integrated than it's kind of false division a little bit but would stay. Is you know. It's in a long term partnership it's difficult to want to have sex with someone you don't fundamentally like trust and they're to be your full south with which is very much linked to the quality of the relationship so you know i think sometimes even saying emotional intimacy is a little bit i use the framing. So i understand. Why do it. But it's a little bit of a false category. Which is the real deal is. How free am i to be who i am with you. Show you who i am sexually emotionally. Intellectually to be intimate. And how much room do i make for you to be yourself into. Show me who you are. And to create a partnership that makes room for two of us to live honestly at open heartedly with one another. So that's a big part of a sustainable and growing emotional and sexual relationship.
The "W" Method: How to Improve Communication in a Relationship
"I want to talk about for you men give you tips on how to be a better communicator with a woman that you're in a relationship with. Typically these women are saying you don't open up to me emotionally. I wish you communicated this to me more. I wish you were able to talk to me better. Or you're just trying to fix things in the relationship and you've tried to feel that you feel like you're hitting a wall. So tip number one is I see this so much and this is valuable information because I say it in my coaching sessions is one of the tips that I get my men is you have to come from the why the what? Always think about the W's, right? So when you're in, when you're trying to effectively communicate. The only way that you can really effectively communicate is by curiosity questions. And this is alluding to relationships. And if you guys have follow me for a while, you know when I talk to date about dating and finding a good woman, it comes to curiosity questions. Get good at asking curiosity questions. So how do curiosity questions start? Will they start with the what? The why, the when? Those are all curiosity questions. But what we are impacted to do as humans sometimes depending on how we're raised and maybe what we weren't taught, as we attack, right? We come from the II in the UU. Only if you knew this, you could have done this better only if you could understand I would be better. If I had this, then I would be happy, right? Sound familiar. So we attack an attack and attack, but instead of figuring out the why. So why are you unhappy? Please tell me how can we fix this together? And then that leads me to the second tip is number two, is understand that everything is valuable in your relationship. And it's about a partnership. Yeah, you guys are two separate human beings and you always have to be driven on something in your life, your purpose, your values, and hold yourself accountable, and that comes from loving yourself. But number two is in a relationship, it's about a partnership. It's about the we and it's not always about the eye. It's about how can we compromise and make this better? So understanding that number two tip is about a partnership, but also about compromise and making things better in your relationships. So how do you get there by following my tip that I'm telling you and tip number
When Your Ex Realizes the Breakup Was a Mistake
"When someone breaks up with you. It's because they're not happy and they think they can do better and sometimes it's just that they're not happy and they don't even care if they can do better. They're just not happy so they're leaving but for the most part they have to think that they can do better. Otherwise why would they go. And also they have to vilnai's you in their mind in order to justify the break-up so they have to say well you know he's been ignoring me or she did this or she didn't do this. They have to somehow justify it and make you the bad guy in order to break up with you and so when they realize it was a mistake those things start to get reversed so the first sign is actually when they move on now. I know you're afraid they'll move on but you know what you actually want them to move on. Believe it or not as usual counterintuitive. So that they will find out that. Guess what you're actually not that easily replaced if you had great chemistry together. They're not gonna find that in the next person or the next person or probably not even the next one after that they may have good chemistry even very good chemistry but great chemistry and luckily chemistry isn't something that can be faked. It's either there or it's not. It has to be felt and it will soon be painfully obvious to them. If they didn't already know it they'll be out with someone or talking with someone new and they'll realize that you know what this person is not their ex. This person is not you. it doesn't feel the same and that's where doubt starts to creep in one of my clients said that his ex told them that After they got back together she went out on a date with someone else and all she could do think about him and she just wanted to get out of there and the guy want to see her again and she was like nope and that's when she knew that she probably made a
Hey Saturday's Saskia Nelson Explains the Importance of Great Photos for Online Dating
"Sascha you. First of all tells a story about behind his saturday. Yeah well basically. Is it online dating for a long time. Pretty much is ten years on and off now all the time Yeah and so. When i came to sign up my photography business i was. I wanted to specialize niche as as as kind of makes sense for business on. I miss elected back. Oh my online. Dating days by. Because i'm a visual person and i'm so i can't scott the time the columnist of hartman. I kind of recognize the importance in skylight. They just use a massive photo when they want to market something. I really strong powerful fight catches. Your eye really really stops. She's makes you stop into tracks and look at it and might have three words without photo like believing better or something. And i was just like. Wow okay. imagine if you translate it that dayton price file how like powerful could be rather than the usual. Saudi larry fatos and that tonight of copy on agreeing off that basically and this was back in twenty thirteen so i did the research and november staying any while. I thought that's kinda vault because to me. It might so much sense benefits. Because i was a visual person is in king this is just kind of occurrence the people while i'm going to give it a guy so i did that and then at the beginning. Was this log like first year. It was this hard slog like giggling it because it was saying and me having a blocking across all the dating apps and things like that guy. Hey this thing you could get an. You can be ahead of the cub. If everyone else is using rubbish that you'll know you're really gonna stand out cypher. Not kind of grow and grow and then we have exploited yet lights up like on the yeah expanded to the sites as well. So it's yeah it's been. It's been busy times anymore now. Busy money