We could all use a laugh. Get the giggles listening to the latest audio releases from these hilarious comedy podcasts.
Kill Station VR Headsets: The Perfect Way To Bond as a Family
"One gang. Who would certainly disagree with the naysayers. All the family parents stewart katie. An eight year old ellery. You'll hear enjoying the quick game. Of course defile four utter degradation that deep in his own worrying the new kill station. Vr headsets with a distinctive. Blood spotter bob wife seven human yellow teeth so guys sorry to interrupt with just fools for a moment and tell us what you know about the kill station. I think it's just so therapeutic. Come home after home day at work and just wanna sit down and rip out a lotta people spines and then hit them with their own spines. It's nice because it comes with four chainsaws so it's something we can all do together as a family now little ellery. What's your favorite thing about playing on. You kill station. I just like when you cut off the feet. Then they called escape except by dragging themselves less starts. I like it when they screen verdel point. Now just eight on you so so might say you're young for it doesn't affect him tonight. I said it doesn't affect him. It's good for his motor skills lesson. That was a teachers. Well it seemed to have a go guy.
Dave Chappelle Documentary to Close Tribeca Film Festival
"A famous comic is closing out the Tribeca Festival tomorrow night. The film from comedian Dave Chappelle takes a glimpse into the challenges facing a rural village in Ohio. During the early days of the pandemic, it will spotlight the high emotions following the Black lives matter. Movement along without local young people started weekly marches and rallies. The film will premiere at Radio City Music Hall, which marks the first time the iconic venue has been opened in more than a year. I'm Lisa G.
Los Angeles Lakers Front Office Comedy Series Set at Netflix
"Netflix's has given a straight to series order to comedy set in the front office of the los angeles lakers from writer. Elaine co and executive producer indicating the half hour series inspired by the personal and professional dynamic between the family owners and for an office team. Together run one of the most iconic franchises in all of sports. They're going behind curtain here. Kaley executive producer under the k-league international banner jeanie buss. President of the lakers will also executive produce lakers executive director linda rambus and howard klein of three arts jordan rambus. Linda sun will produce mace. Do you think that the lakers are fully on hollywood. They have leaned into this part of it. I'm glad they are. I'm glad they are. You know to me. The lakers are the biggest and the best brand in the nba. And if you were going to do this with one team It would be the lakers. And i'm glad genes involved in this. I'm glad it's going to be you know. Sort of the authorized version of. It's a comedy right. Comedy workplace comedy follows fictional team governor elisa read as she navigation nba ownership and family drama with her best friend by her side and that would be linda. Yeah yeah that's basically their
Victoria's Secret Swaps Its Angels For "Trailblazing" Activists
"There's a lot of debate going on today. About victoria's secrets big rebranding. Yeah you see from now on. They're going to have no more angels instead. They're being replaced by a more inclusive group of accomplished athletes actresses and activists. I know because. I'm sorry to say this. This is trash people. We can't do this. I know that having supermodels of the spokesperson for a brand creates an unattainable expectation for women. But sodas having athletes and activists. Everyone can win the world cup. Okay megan and i know what you're saying. So what should victoria secret. Just replaced angels with some normal women travel. No because being normal woman is hard to you can expect from your customers. Women go through so much. I mean running. The only option. Vittore secrets has yet is to be presented by men using men wearing those are not like any men. Obviously i understand. There's like a certain body you need you like shows those closing and those ripped hunks. You don't need those men. Like the rocco michael b jordan. Chris hemsworth indicia. Get some more relatable someone who's not afraid of ice cream. Someone obsessed with the gym international meeting someone from africa the south park. You'd like. I'm just saying like no one cold. Because kim doing great in a
Giant Waterslide Goes up in Flames in New Jersey
"Giant waterslide goes up in flames at a water park new jersey. Yes a popular ride and mountain creek. Waterpark was heavily damaged by a fire days before the attraction was going to open for the summer. The fire was on the high anxiety waterslide ride. It was captured on video. Captured the attention of residents near and far who watched as gray smoke billows from the mountaintop. No injuries were reported. The park was closed. It hasn't opened yet. Is going to be a barrier to you opening though if your water slides or catching fire. How do you talk yourself out of this one waterpark. How does a waterside catch fire in the first place seems like it would be an impossibility but you running down your water. Slide cooking oil. what's going on. it's a waterslide. how does it waterside catch fires. It's like how does a fire hose catch fire when it's got water running through it this makes sense either although i've seen lakes on fire before but that's just because of sort of oil had seeped into the lake. We give gasoline running down water slides. It is a jersey waterpark. I mean you can imagine the kind of pollution that might be running through the water
Who Needs Passion When You Can Just Piss the Bed?
"I asked you to name me to famous lovers who'd you say clydes great. Thank you anymore. Julius course portion backside last night take one off. Was richard. Burton elizabeth taylor. They were married to each other three different times and burton legendary said this about her and i love it. I might run for a thousand years. She's still my baby child. Love is so furious that we each other. I am too much feeling that anyone. I read it and i began to wonder if any of my ex is feeding that suv passion about somebody to be the girl. I went out with the longest when someone for ten years in office state together. I tried to blame her.
Nobody Wants a Danish Coffee
"Are so proud of their companies. We always put our name on anything from ice than like icelandair bank of iceland until it went bankrupt. Then we were like well. It's technically an international bank that operated under international laws but not all countries. Do this like denmark. Their business savvy. They don't always tell you the company's danish because they know that english lead you to a bigger market. There's a company now called joe and the juice and it's the most americans sounding thing in the world joe and the juice cup of joe the average joe. It's danish and why would the danes hide the fact that this is a danish company. It's most the danes are businessmen. They know that danish juice bar just isn't going to sell well. Nobody's gonna go to a place that's called juice never gonna happen like everything is supposed to be sexy at that place. There's a drink there that's called pick me up. I don't think i will drink it. If it was called to say international appeal. That place is really difficult to go to though because it's got these young guys who serve you and they got these deep v necks and they're always like hey man. I was doing fine until you call me an old man. Thank you very much and the music is so loud. You go there on a monday to get a coffee to wake up. It's like just going into a rave you open the door. And it's a base wave that hit you in the face of global global. There's nobody in there just one. Hyperactive guy like making juice and coffee. What's up and they can't hear a damn thing. Because music is so loud. And i in america. No no no problem. We'll make an avocado for gyula. Can you turn the music. Put some tuna mayo on it. No problem with make no and they keep adding to the order and the music goes up. That's the one moment you can correct it. Order at joined. The juice is a song. Has base draw bill. You have one second go like i'll just buy it. Works
Lying Is Good for Your Heart? Ron Burgundy Explains
"Remember. I grew up very poor with none of the advantages you've had. I didn't have a tube of chocolate ice cream running into my mouth all day. Long the way you did carolina. I didn't have your dry skin problem. Either oh we could afford growing up was an old phil co radio really i. I don't think that's true. Well i could be lying. I do a lot of lying. You know you know that. it's good for the circulation. Eighty percent of all doctors will admit that a few lies. -oday will contribute to good heart health. You've heard that right. i have no it. Gets you excited. Nervous will my wife discover my secret. Letters will the irs find out. My podcast is a front for money. Laundering i mean. The medical community is divided. More research needs to be done. But it's basically been proven true lying nice on the body. It's proven jesus which woman what are you. I mean you're catching every one of my lives. Today i'm lying with great power authority and it's no match for your which he powers i give up.
Humanity Brought to Its Knees With Hour-Long Partial Internet Outage
"Top story this week the world was given a chilling peek behind the wireless cuts in all future chaos on tuesday when a global internet outage thoughts on this closed some websites for an hour It was truly harrowing for The planet's greatest species the human race with the loss of such sites as gideon website amazon. Read it and social media sites such as clank garbage g. o. p. o. j. toward la and ephemera where people post three second videos of themselves suffering existential angst Humanity was brought to its quivering. Nays and several major religions declared a full on magadan During the outage the uk government website went down which led to a fifty eight minute. Golden age of joy hope and productivity before normality was thankfully restored. Now i'm alex clearly this This is probably the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to The world How how did you both cope with with with a trauma. I found it a real relief and just the prospect that this was. The beginning of the end was quite a relief Most spent their whole time. Trying to identify which sites were up and down i started to separate doomsday cults and set them against each other. I don't know what you didn't have found one of the fascinating things was. Everyone had an opinion about what should be done or what was happening. Even nobody had any information about what was happening. It was revealed if nothing else that nobody knows how any of it works especially the people who think they do and definitely not the people whose job it was to make it work. My problem is that none of the good stuff that you want the internet to go down with ever goes down like my online mortgage payment went through which is really really painful. And i've had no internet for a couple of days because of the monsoon situation and we don't have any aeroplanes coming and going to india's you know which leads to the question. Maybe you guys know this now. The world with all its essential elements greed tiktok. That's still around. Alice and when we don't we don't really know that's the thing with internet outages is it does. It does lead to people questioning whether anything exists. If it's not being you know life blocked in some way
A Joke About the British Empire
"Long time ago but not long ago that it's still very relevant in britain big boat and we set sail. We on this will sound farfetched wants a stray that one of the great wall asprey swag too old blighty and we hit. It is the clever pa. We hit it in a museum last place. Anyone looks now. it's the modern day. Northern countries stole from asking for this stuff back a worried santa blanket. No now a few that can see angry faces but so i walk shop and listen your defense funds keeping up as what very well. I guess those out the pump finders keepers shop. Even you got someone stole something of you as an individual favorite finley mix it and you knew native by the way. I fact now hunch. You-know-who stolen everybody. Knows it's common knowledge so people have written books about it. They've definitely need to all got it and stunning money. Into why size ain't get them involved to hide it at the pint and actually put it in a glass display case from seven different angles. We'll clear when it is. There's no dispute. Is that once belonged to you. Because plaque next to exactly what wanna is the top of the plot and then a paragraph on about how important it is to you and joel culture you may even give it. The thing can have like to stand on probably tightness time. Today
Brain Chip Will Hopefully End Elon Musk’s Outlandish Musings
"Musk has announced that he's neuralink. Brain chip will end language in five to ten years which is just such great news because then and five to ten years. We won't have to hear elon. Musk saying things like this. Must spin on the rafer again because it did he say this on on joe rogan. I think that mentioned that in the article right. And i just find it so weird like the certainty that these men have of their hypothesis of the future. Like you know. I used to make up a language me and my sister bible study to covertly communicate rebellious desires. And like just. Because i don't have the money to throw behind that know. I'll never know if it has any legs behind swindon kingdom who just has to stop there but he gets to try all this stuff out. Did you have a secret language as a kid. You know where you would hide the words. Yeah back slang but it was just like a verger so like a guy of a gum. Spaghetti kevin gang of attacks gang and it was great. Because if you didn't tell anyone how it worked she just split the words and stick it in the middle. And i think is pretty easy to walk out but look we needed a way to communicate with each other is either that or handwritten notes of who we fancied so. Yeah i appreciate any made up language. The great thing about elon. Musk is that he will consistently say these kind of things and then continued to say them despite the fact that he said things like this before that haven't come true like he promised that at this point we would be going around and driverless cars for example or that we would be on mars or that a again. I really wanted to get inside the head of the dude bro. Phenomenon where you're like. Imagine feeling that the answers to life being funneled to you directly because you're a wealthy entrepreneur. You do martial arts
Stuff Happens to Your Head, What Are You Gonna Do?
"I remember i would fall along bit in a bunk bed. I was on the top bunk. And i would get over a railing and just fall six feet to the ground just land. I mean just all you don't catch yourself. It's just whatever hits i all your body. Wages lands on your head. I got a full-blown concussion. I'm crying parents are like just go back to deep sleep for seven hours of had three concussions in my life and none of them because the sports just just living life man stuff happens your head. What are you going to one was in high school. I got pushed into a wall headfirst and it took them three class periods to figure out ahead of concussion. That's how much bringing to the table to teachers. Didn't even notice and the third one was like he wasn't facing ford and that's when i realized he's one of the better face her ford's i've ever had a my biggest concussion was when i was twelve years old. I fell down a cliff so i grew up in old hickory tennessee and we used to climb down this cliff and old hickory lake. And we've done at times. And so one day i slip and fall so my friend that i'm with he goes and gets my mom. There was a guy fishing and a boat down in the lake and so he sees me and he gets me ended the boat and then he takes me over some stairs which he had to be like. Why didn't he just use these state. I mean they were right next to that clinton even make sense. There was two guys at the bottom of the steps. And they go he goes. Hey this kid fell. Can you carry them up so they carry me up and my mom's in an ambulance in her pajamas. My dad who. I think everybody knows now is a magician. And he's he's doing a show in a full tuxedo to the hospital. The doctor starts talking to my parents have been mom looks homeless. My dad's in a tuxedo looks it. Looks like they're divorced in someone's not paying child support
Why Can’t She Just Be a Comedian?
"I'm a feminist. But i recently did question time and my favorite of all the comments and there were many on twitter as you can imagine was. Why does the bbc have to bill her. As deborah francis white comedian political correctness gone mods. I mean this is what we're doing. Now dividing people racially why she just be a comedian to which somebody brilliance call. Jason would responded. The lady's name is deborah francis white. It's hyphenated like isla white ferry
‘Son, You’ve Hit a New Low’
"Had to worry about school. I mean i did. Because i was in it but but my parents gave up. They gave up early. They knew they would literally beg made son. Please just dry and get fifty. It's a boss. Just get fifty. I'm not bragging on glorifying this but this is an actual mark got in grade nine typing typing nineteen eighty-four. Don't judge me there. Were no computers yet was actual typewriters. My typing my final mark was thirteen percent. Even my dad son. You hit a new low. Do realize you get twenty five percent just for signing your name correctly. What fucking name you put. They gave up when i was a teenager. They do. I remember my only rule when i would leave the house like dad. I'm going to the mall okay. Son died that was only rule died. We've already failed enough. You don't need. The ultimate failure will die while i'm alive after i die as many times as you want but why don't never had to worry about a career or job. Well job yes Just not a profession. I remember my dad. Sixteen my dad comes to me. He goes son one day. You won't be in school anymore. And i was like i'm going to graduate. No focus on focus. Focus never happened. Okay
A highlight from A****s in Utah (w/ Mic Nguyen)
"It was like i had suggested. Let's rob a girl. We need to do one more score. You winner out. And she's just like tequila and kisses me and he's showed. We are back with. Another episode of asian podcast. The podcast enough major talk about american issues number cares about. I'm your host with me. Alabama is june twelve nice halfway into a pride month How's that going for you really awesome so far. We're going to have some awesome guests on this month and it's going to be a fantastic i get into the. I don't know we're we're you know what we had talked about this before. You know black history month you got it. What what is your pride awesome. You know you've got what it's about in the name. Yep asian american pacific islander heritage month way too fucking long other. Use me you here. For the asian american pacific islander heritage month seminar. That's in conference room. Be so buddy. A pride is cool cool. I'm glad that we don't have to follow pride. Does we have to follow global drain. Exactly if this was a comedy show is. This is comedy. Show black history month. Goes i rock joe. This was sick. You know what i'm saying. It was awesome. Learned something you know like ernest about. Then there's a little break and i make asian-american and the heritage month comes on. Hey hey we like to very different vibe. Yeah and then Sounds like we're exactly. Hey you guys are gonna like if you like. Now you're gonna love our next month next heritage month. Okay you've seen them all over. The place came up from greenwich village. Give it up right now. For bride ride comes on destroys it. Fuck in one month awesome of amazingness and activism and the craziest parade ever of just puts everything else to shame. Yeah and then yeah. We would be terrible. If if asian american bridge civic allen or two with his in july if if this is a combination of american pacific what we would not get jeff l. Show now we wouldn't get out no way so anyways Happy proud everybody. Pride pride month everybody. I did play this game without you for the first time. Weird it was. I was so weird. It was cool though. You think you guys did a it was a different five deal with other people with non asian people. Especially you know i i. I didn't i skipped over but there was someone. There named arduous. Yes we thought. He was half greek half chinese Because of the name and was a she just actually. She's person emails later on. Sent us a fucking bad story. Yeah i forget what it was exactly. I guess she has this like chinese name. And then the mcgrath people spelled it wrong and then on top of that. Her parents want to give her an american name. And her english tudor at the time was of greek descent. Oh yes so right. And so would her. Parenthood chinese parents were like what an american name he gave them a theme right and artem which is not even. These are not even american. Names comes as greek people. Name their kids. You know what. I'm saying. God's or whatever yeah but i was. I was like this person named artists. And i was just thinking just buckets sailor moon. Dude you know the whole time why is there catering ornaments on all the characters are like named after planets zak. Yeah anyways but it was. It was cool. So let's let's kill this patriarch. let's do it patriot. I if you want to get in on this go to patriot. Dot com slash asian and asian was shot up for new donors. You can give us money and you help us support this podcasts. We've heard in the studio now able to afford an editor. We take we can take uber is when we're doing comedy it's the whole thing. It's whole vibe guy. So getting on it. Please help us go to patriot. That conversation that agent part go donors. We got michael ford. the third. this dude is okay. Okay i didn't i i'm just gonna go off. The name is a billionaire american. Anyone named and third. Yeah this guy's got ford. Here's the thing or feel like when i see like the third or junior. It's either super fucking connecticut rich or the opposite or aspirational. Oh shit aspirational 'rational. I don't know this person's financial situation. I think this dude is black. I think from from what i saw on instagram. But he heard about us from. Keyboards boils podcasts. Yeah yeah so What do irish fans out there. So this person is black but listen to an irish comed- comedy show and then decides to check out an american comedy. That's what i'm saying. You know. I think sometimes we get an heads about like this. You realize the world is full. Michael thirds we. Don't give a fuck really get into that. aspirational better. an american innovator. Okay all right. Well shouts michael ford of the third. Yeah thanks for your money. Frankie monteiro god this guy so this we do. We owe this guy money. This is name monteiro. Feels like my no matteo brank. Ba- frankie free. this is some surprise. soprano asian. Do this is a gold chain. Asian jen kwok k. w. okay this person is like a yeah like Like a comedian actress person. Like you know. A i'll see your tweets go viral every so often on my timeline. Yeah i've seen her. I think she's a viral personal twitter. Yeah i don't know. I don't think she'll stand up. Like in the biz shouts jan jan. Got any money because it viral doesn't pay any money tweet tweets don't pay won't be offended if you cancel expunged then. Lastly i feel like this person has donated before or maybe it's another person but dom beat me. I know it's vietnamese. But haven't we done a don vo before are their money is dawn a popular vietnamese american name. You know. it's not donnie unpopular. Vietnamese name is of bad as actually don. Yeah this guy. This guy and frankie hang out for sure. Yeah wow committing all sorts of criers but okay. Thank you most of your money and again if you wanna get on the patriot dot com slash asian that asian part and scrap in return.
A highlight from Dancing Bear with Chris Gethard
"House. It's going to be amazing was accepted onto this show. Thank you halley for those. Who don't know was a final few for the running for a new christian reality television. Show god's house. It's going to be twelve christian singles on an island in maui thirty days and everybody's got to leave either married and expecting or you don't win a million dollars so very excited. This is great. This is going to be a huge life. Change you're going to be married. You're going to be expecting a baby. And you're going to be a millionaire star a tv star. I know it is going to be really a big change. But i do you plan on coming back and just picking up where i left off. But i've you know. I took it up a stevie set. Could have the month off. He's really pumped. I'm going to be on this show. And just you know exposing people to christ and jesus specifically and then really telling them about. What's going on here at twin hills. So i think it's going to be good for everyone i can't believe it. Are you still going to talk to me. When your major celebrity. I have no idea. Anyway how was your week but wait gray. What happened with the bat. Bow your girlfriend. Your fiance becky duboe. Well yeah we ended it halley. She wouldn't let me go on the reality show. And i just said well see the show or may and she picked well i yeah she said it's either me or the show. It's either me going on the show and you deal with that or you can pick. Just you know staying like a sad blighty in ohio being single and i guess she picked that. Because i haven't heard from us so we broke up. She picked no-show. No you totally you. Okay how can i support you in your break- on finally i'm so excited to be on this show. I just don't even care about her. Oh wow yeah. I just don't care. I thought about a once because they're already asking me for my sizes and stuff for my for my costumes. Speed of dad's. I mean halley. This weekend you a busy busy busy. Yeah preparing the father's day services are always just really exciting to kind of focus on. What do men really want. How can we really speak to the men of our congregation in our community. And you know we've put lamborghinis onstage. We've done car shows in the parking lot. In this year lead pastor steve just knocked it out of the park. We had a message called. Who's the father cool and you were there right because you brought the climax kids. They always come to the father's day service right. We were up in the balcony. And i i wish. I could have focused more because they were cutting up the little baggies but yeah i loved it. I just thought it was cool. I love how the whole the whole stage was kind of. Set up. Like maury povich jerry springer cool yes over anyone who wasn't there or didn't watch streaming online. We had the stage in the auditorium was set up. It really was the jerry springer show and Steve was kind of playing like the jerry springer character right and we had some guys from the drama team and i think some actual real dad's seated there and it was this whole thing of those shows are like who's the father will. The real fun thing was everyone who entered the auditorium for all five of our weekend services of whose father they all took a mouth swab when they entered the auditorium. I know wasn't that did you. Oh yes i do. Everybody had to do it. And we collect all the mouth swabs and we had volunteers working behind the scenes while steve was doing the. Who's the father message where he talked about. All these powerful statistics that in the united states of america families who aren't believers you know non churchgoing families fifty five percent of all children in the united states who are born into unchurched families. Their father is not their biological. The father they think is their father is not their biological father. Fifty five percent of all children the united states. That's more than a coin flip. So steve brings up these huge garbage bags of all the mouth swabs of everyone sitting in the room and in the climactic moment of his message. He dumps them all out on stage. It was so powerful sopo and he said i know who the father is for all of you sitting here and then he just pointed straight up at the sky. I've never seen so many grown men start crying. Yeah it was so moving. I mean and it was so many guys crying. Which is an atypical. That i thought. Well maybe some of these fellows are sorta worried about the dna tests. And they're about to be exposed in maybe teaser leaf. And i don't think it was. I think it was sincere. People were sincerely moved by the powerful truth that we all have a perfect father. A perfect loving heavenly father. That is so true. I mean look to celebrate. I picked up this shit at the thrift store on. What is your t shirt say. Who's your daddy was on the back. I think it's a picture of tom. Selleck ooh i folks just a reminder have a patriot on. It's the main way we support the podcast and it's only a few bucks a month only about one in ten listeners. Give to the patriots but we think some of our best work is happening over there so check it out even if it's just a month or two. Every shackle in the offering plate really makes
A highlight from Mike Birbiglia: A Joke about Being a Dad
"One more am walking home from rite aid with cat litter diapers and i walked into our apartment in. Gen is crying on the couch. A lot like pretzels level. And i say clo- what's wrong and she says is never gonna be in my belly game. That's how close jen. one day. I found this. This is a a short poll. On jan had ridden. This is one of our actual poetry notebooks. This is called biddle astronaut. A newborn rests her head on the earth mother. Everything else is outer space. This is the most profound level of love i had ever witnessed and i was there to someone like i didn't know what nothing meant until i became a dad. Oh that's what. I was so nothing. I was pudgy. Milk vice president of the family huge tidal no power also overseas congress. My whole job was to be round and have no opinions expressed a hint of an opinion. Everyone was like. I was just mumbling to myself about the news. I i was the intern of my own family day. I'll clean up your crab someday. Member of the family internal showed up on. I worked hard but it would always be junior level activities gem puna down for a nap sticker in a stroller and take for a walk and when she wakes up return immediately. When i wasn't interning. I was on the road in every applebee's drain in one night. I'm in weatherford oklahoma. Which is a direct flight from nowhere. Which is why after the show. I drove a rental car. Four and a half hours down to dollars that caught the first light in the morning but were delayed from thunderstorms all days. After twenty six hours of travel. I walk into apartment at one. Am and make my way through the living room and drenched exhausted and empty. And i get to. The couch is a slave off the couch and catch clo- it's not a big deal but that's my chen sense great news. That's where the likes to slay. I said i totally get as a short term solution. I think that's phenomenal. The long term. I think initiate sleep in grabs chen said we decided that an doesn't like the slave and grab who's in we she said me and i said i'm not i'm founding member of where it is a shocking revelation when you were it from your own life so i decide i'm going to win back my wife from my daughter. They were strolling through the park. And i said i was thinking we should set aside one night a week and get a babysitter and then looked at me. Like i was adjusting. We sell into slavery and then we will start screaming like the meanest heckler. I've ever encountered like a heckler. Not only hates what i'm saying. But every word individually in any context. Jen looks at me and says doesn't like it when we talk. This baby isn't going to change the way we live our lives. She doesn't like it when we talk and she served talk which was six months old gen said said when she was eight months old generaux bis an infant reaches for something. I don't know what pushes it farther away and cries and frustration. Each time she reaches without realizing she is crawling for the first time. She's just like her father. Poetry burn and watch. Mike berbick lia. The new. one only on netflix aches.
A highlight from Financial Abundance
"Ooh a poor person. Once money can't buy happy. Financial abundance opens your eyes ins your life experiences and sometimes even your legs. Hello and welcome to this fine mancial abundance meditation.
A highlight from Bridget Christie: A Joke about Health Care
"I don't fancy andrew. Lloyd webber anymore completely. If i went on a date with jude webber now. I would not be undressing him with my eyes in fact if anything on people you actually. Layers of clothes unmasks hoods everything accessories not build a wall in front of him and then another behind and then to mobile's side. And then i put a roof on top and just go anyway ease. Yeah musical theater impresario. Andrew lloyd webber looks like a monk in a wind tunnel angry. He's been embalmed and lloyd. Webber apparently look a bit. Like my don't think i do anyway. Andrew lloyd webber flew into london from new york where he lives in order to vote in favor of tax credit cuts for the working poor. Which would have made about three million of britain's pours people in work by one thousand three hundred pints of year. And i'm jay lloyd. Webber is worth six hundred fifty million pounds. Like i said now unto has been here for about fourteen years and in those fourteen years. He's only bothered about thirty times out of a possible. One thousand eight hundred ninety eight last time. Andrew lloyd webber. It was the same sex marriage so presumably. Andrew lloyd webber loves the gays but hates the poor andrew lloyd webber audiences not prospect of my gay friends. He said he was fine. A spokesman for lloyd webber said. He wanted because he feels that. It's important for democracy that the high slot should not override decisions made by the elected hires of common montage suggest. We exercise our democratic rights boycotting the musicals of andrew lloyd webber so that could be nothing more grotesque and absurd the pay sixty five pounds to watch a human pretend to be capped written by a monk faced man across the atlantic to make people worse off and if he gets to see cuts knowing than your account. Just ninety an alternative undefeated good to see cops knowing that you need to take a good long hard hard. Look into south stream. Bridget christie stand up for her. Only on that flakes.
A highlight from Episode 271 (This One Goes Out to Dave) w/ Robert Maher
"Decide who has written the funniest jokes. My name. is jeremy martinez. My name is ricardo leone. I am bob timmons abner and joining us today as our guest judge robert last name. I don't know mar alberto maher see. We're just on a first name basis. Maher johnny marr. The these from from the smiths totally mar leg. Jeremy ear jeremy martinez right exactly like that. No great glad. We've figured that so something different about this recording cooked. That's not here that's it. I thought. Oh i'm staring into nothing and erin crafts. Not here during the nothing insulting us. Yeah well if you're just a listener of the podcast and you don't watch us on youtube or you're not a subscriber of r. Patriot on we are recording in person together for the first time in about a year and a disappeared cough that he says his allergies. But i'm sure it's fine. Temperature is like increasing like one degree every half hour so we need to get this so excited to be in the room It's an excitement heard of that coup. So robert welcome big very much Excited to judge our show absolutely longtime listener. First-time a hosting now. You've that's not what i heard. I heard that all right. Well one week pleasant area and i thought okay so robert and i had a really long are driving also know each other. That's good. I'll look at to that so we met on a really long car ride. So i know roberts who carly fiance congratulations fee. Also say for those of you. Who are astles here that the french will have your friends. And you saying that. Way your if you're american anything that way it's like when you're fully american and you pronounce only certain words with the with the with ranch dressing in so we're driving the other day. We were visiting a friend who is like an hour and a half away so we had a long drive and i wanted to listen to our new episode. That came out like to listen to my car. So i said robert. Do you mind if we listen to these. It's fine so we're listening in the whole time. He's making his own little judgments on the jokes he he mostly actually agrees with what aircraft has to say no and today because aaron could be here in person with us. I asked robert if he'd be willing to judge and he was like no. I don't know how to do it. And i was like you literally did it in the car the other day just constantly judging listeners. Anyone can do this often. They do well. We're excited to have. you will. not here. He is going to judge. Aaron maybe not so much but we appreciate you sitting in. Do you wanna give any insight into how you're gonna judge or what your method here thinking going into this So basically a at least my method last time when we are in the car is i listen to the jokes and i decide which ones are funny is very very technical algorithms and try to try to get these points. The gist of it. Beautiful mind like all these equations or food so listening and picking the best. One is a fresh approach. That hasn't been on detroit's longtime i've heard so based on the one episode that you've listened to you. Who do you think will win this episode without hearing any of the news wires out right away. So i'm gonna go with air crafts. A been done where someone who hasn't appeared on an episode has one that episode. That would be a new take. The might not be true. And i think of my this happened before. Oh actually only if someone had written jokes for someone. Because i know like shane's written jokes aircraft one in episode for writing jokes that he wasn't it wasn't prettier. Ricky i think there was a whole episode where all your joke survey aircraft so aaron would win too also award points to bill cosby dr bill cosby and -centia you are influence for all these years rix being very generous with where we ever said. First of all one of ever called him. Dr bill cosby spec the title doctor inmate for two three seven four jeremy rights to him without further. Ado shall we. Yes round one. Las vegas officials ruled up pop up vaccine clinic at strip club leary. Flint's hustler club. Your favorite hustler club with the spinning disco ball casting rainbow covers on the walls but more lights turned on than usual was an unconventional site for a walk in the vaccination clinic but as government officials and healthcare workers tried to address the slowing demand for covid nineteen vaccines. There are increasingly turning to creative ways to incentivize people to show up and get a shot. This is just another way that access. Our population said joanne. Repipe new name is mississippi. Rupa say it's wrong. The chief nurse say. I say i say it wrong. Rupe hyper is the chief nurse of this southern nevada health district who monitored the walk in clinic it might attract some people like the novelty of it as post. The clinic open for several hours. Administering shots to about a hundred people before the strip club opened for his usual business several workers. Let's get down to some usual business at the same age. Usual business several. I like i just ruined. Everyone's jokes how many of you have welcome to the stage and what we all through my jokes. Several workers at the club including dancer at a topless joint got their shots at the clinic along with the members of the public some people who showed up to get shots administer oops some people some people who showed up to get the shots admitted they were reluctant to get the vaccine but decided to go for it. If it meant visiting a strip club robert monte lives near the club said he had been putting off getting his shot but realized he should have did it. In order to pursue this love of travelling to strip clubs monte said he probably would have gotten his shot at more humdrum venue but decided to go to the hustler club. I like going down to the humdrum. There's different types of girls. Sounds like it's pretty much the same. All the time durham well. He decided to go to the hustler club because it felt more familiar to them. I've been there so many then. You're a few times i've been here. So many maybe ten times give or take. He said that the lap a few dozen. I was going away. I tell you that said las vegas resident. Michael sounds like a good Baby wasn't the michael myers as easter between a full picture of a naked woman and assigned promoting social distancing and other behaviors to mitigate the spread myers is wife lisa harper different. Last name guys sent. He changed his mind when she scandalous later. Rubber tonight abba. Combo harper's myers lisa harper said carly re piper lisa harper said. He changed his mind when she told him they could both get it at the hustler. They could both get it up us learn.
A highlight from Sebastian Maniscalco: A Joke about Building Things
"The i wish. I wish i knew how to do it. There's guys in here that know how to build buddies like this. They build a deck on a weekend. You go over to their house. And they always like deductible you built a deck today the man who built the whole deck case like this went bed at one fifty sawdust shed in the back. Would i don't want any of this. Is going to hire hire contractor and this guy could tell me anything believable every morning. He comes down. It's a different thing. He's special nine thirty eight years a contract that never seen anything like the walls. So the warps bending the wall come on feel feel like idiom up. Well let's there. We can leave it entirely up to. We could leave this wall as is but when you're watching the game on sunday the house could fall down on your family. Never get a contract. If it worked at your house. They do the job they started. They get a bigger job now. They've pulled their whole crew. They work the bigger job bigger money. Now you're sitting there. Nobody i got no floor to ceiling. Nothing they send one guy at the five days one guy comes strolling and relaxed controlling it. So where is everybody. I don't know i'm there to sweep from. Ben told me in the dust floor. What are you guys going to do here with the flow with the roar. Told me going to put that on the ice. What are you more arena. I never even seen that in the architecture drawing. I don't know what you're talking about. No indomitable put the entire. You know. But i don't have the truck ford festiva you look the home depot the home depot. They'll go to home depot man. That's store i don't i don't i. Don't even have the wardrobe to walk in there. That's a lot of brown beige. Hansel talked behind me ear pain measures hanging on everybody's measuring no. Not the i ask questions. I found a woman that worked there. I'm like i'm so sorry sweetheart to bother you but media for two hours i'm looking for eighteen. Got it i no. He told me it was actually watched the bastion maniscalco stay hungry. Only on netflix aches.
A highlight from Silicon Valley | Pride | Shame
"This is a podcast from the bugle in adopting town. That was adopted. Straight dock street. There was a doctor house in the dock house was inducted down. The dot says was put cost neither light nor dark because the oakland has nothing to do with audio content. This is the goggle. The glossy magazines bugles odier newspaper for visual world. Welcome to the show. This make your guests illinois. Morton and john luke roberts to jenny. How are you both well. I can't speak for elena. But i'm i'm good for john. Lee is terrible. You mean morally. Ill yeah why not this. Throw that into the mix early on in the magazine along i. We should look at the front page of the front page. This week is a picture of jennifer lopez and ben affleck from when they used to date and new picture of them dating now. The headline reads j. Lo and ben affleck together again. All a dangerous rupture in time space continuum at mock scientists speculate and the satirical cartoon. This week is jeff bezos with a big space rocket strapped to a super yacht strapped to his groin. Codebase standing off against his ex wife. Mackenzie scott who has a bigger piece with the a little script written on it that says donating two point seven five billion dollars to charity the speech bubble from jeff bezos says. It's not a competition. Let's get into the magazine section one this week silicon valley. This is our latest in silicon valley news. Which is there was a party in miami to glorify. Bitcoin eleanor morton. You look like a bitcoin enthusiast. Can you unpack this story for us. A little is about to say. I have tried to research bitcoin. Neum and all of the creek toes on numerous occasions. And i still don't really understand anything about how it works. All the any anything they real can touch them do they. Are they all on dundee down wealth the point is was. It was a conference or corn convention for bitcoin in miami which seems like a dangerous place to put a load of people very into cryptocurrency fought to halt but and it will of time. I don't know what you do. A bitcoin conference center is like people dressed up as sexy. Bitcoin zoll sue. They congregated together without any mosques. Is the thing that came to this massive gear. A whole bunch of them ended up catching covid. But it's funny to me that a group of people who can believe in imaginary money based in the blockchain refused to believe in a very real virus it feels that if you have the ability to get your head around the complexities of the blockchain. You should be able to to get your head around the complexities of viral infection. But apparently not if you use invisible money you should use. You should be aware of the identity visible jobs. But i guess i guess depends on john. L'aquila more out the coin. Do oh i know i know nothing about. I thought into recently. I thought crypto currency was an irish rich vampire a non quite into cryptocurrency currency. Which is the coins. bigfoot uses. the thing about this. i don't think fair is if your thing is liking fake my imaginary virtual money virtual then once you have to meet up in real life. That's odd thing. Why can't you meet up online and not spread these things around. Let me get. Does that stand for the people who like real money should meet in real places although understands up saying this. The idea of real money doesn't really hold water because real money's just a promise for some gold which no longer exists. That's right isn't it. Yes so i like the idea of. Bitcoin is a lovely idea but at the moment in absence of some sort of regulatory regime. The whole point of bitcoin is sort of avoid at things like taxes but in the absence of regulatory regimes. It's difficult to convert bitcoin into goods and services so at the moment it is just money. 'cause play there see if money was play on the coins coins huge in terms of worth. So i'm picturing is a is a huge giant coin. Let you get in the video game. I guess a hat like would you pay for your shopping with like zero point. Zero zero zero will sent the bitcoin or something that like a pizza slice.
A highlight from Martha Kelly Disobeys Bridger
"Welcome to i said. No gift sits me bridge or wine iger look. I hope you're feeling nice. What's going on. Nothing has happened to me today. The only thing that happened to me today was that i was reminded that there's a apparently a coin shortage but i feel like that can't possibly be true. I feel like there's a. I see a sign hanging at my local starbucks at says there's a coin shortage. It's been there for months if they're still a coin shortage. I don't know what to tell anyone at this point. If you have coins at home. I suppose be careful with them. Use them only when needed. I don't have that many coins and not out on the lookout for coins. Look i didn't want to start this podcast out with an alarming warning like this but this is essentially the only thing that happened in my life today and look. Whoever's in charge of coins we need to get together That's get more of them or get rid of them. I can't keep thinking about coins. I wanna think about today's guest. I think she's so funny. Everyone loves her. It's martha kelly. Martha welcomed is said. No gifts and thank you for having me look. I'm sorry that we got. I feel like we're off to a shaky start here with this warning about coins. Are you familiar with this coin shortage. I have seen the signs but I i also was in my local starbucks literally just ten minutes ago. I took the chance of asking if they are able to sell bottles of sugar. Free cinema dole. Sarah again because there's shortage one. Yes they said yes so. I took that to mean that starbucks is recovering from the pandemic it's disheartening to hear the They're still having coin shortage so the us is out of coins and syrup. It's some acticity like some of the people who helped me get through the worst isolation of the pandemic or the people that worked at my local drive through starbucks among scores just We got to know each other by name and would ask each other how we were doing. I definitely feel like anybody who worked in. Customer service during the pandemic pandemic should get like some giant federal grants or something you know oh absolutely i mean people who just had to work through the things straight without any breaks and getting screamed at more often than not and also the idea of working in entire shift. You know as someone who's worked in service jobs like this before the idea of working an eight hour shift with like maybe a fifteen minute break and a half hour lunch and then the rest of the time. You have a mask on exhausting. I mean. I'm not saying anything new here but yeah absolutely. Let's give these people some sort of reward. That's not a ribbon. I agree and i'm sorry that i started my guest saw on your podcast already on the campaign stump in kinda got carried away. This is people will look back to this as your early early steps into politics. Look at your guest on. I said no gift is kind of a toe in the water. I imagine and hope that one day people call me the new caitlyn jenner as far as politics go so i'm working on share a lot of similar ideals i feel like we Yes an about that. Look caitlyn's a complicated person. Then she look sheet. It doesn't do a lot of things. I agree with So do a lot of people. And she's a tough person her entire. Let's just be honest. The entire jenner kardashian clan is a difficult group to deal with. I i will agree with that wholeheartedly. Agree with that. I would also say like most people. I'm there's certainly plenty of people. I'm related to who i could also say are difficult to deal with and who would say bad about me so i'm not i didn't wanna i. I sort it out. Shit talking the pandemic talking celebrity at feel income started off really negative I apologize. I do want to return to you. Buying bottles of the syrup is that something people regularly do. Or is this something that you like hinted at starbucks cashier. And they're like look. You can just buy the entire bottle. Like i wander around in different kind of disguises starbucks to see if i could I honestly now that you said that. I can't remember. When i found out you could buy them at starbucks. But it was essentially so few years I it was claim Puts glenda in them and then they came out with sugar. Free cinema dole losses with whole mill. Still tastes like a dessert right. And then as like you would be great to have that my morning coffee as well. I can't remember has ended up. You can buy them. They're like thirteen bucks and not every starbucks full seldom and also sometimes as starbucks. Some people will sell it and other people. If you get there when someone else's working they'll refused to sell it sometimes. It depends on whether they like your attitude or not a root. Of course. I always whether or not i'm buying the star by Starbucks was the love. That i feel or everybody that works there but i think he's seem weak at all some strongmen starbucks berry says while say now. We can't tell you that even
A highlight from 12: Shrimpocalypse!
"Chapter twelve. The show must go on and on and on in the waning days of the nineteenth century. A bold visionary named heinrich hertz. No relation to the car rental company that still claims i owe them three hundred seventy five dollars for pernicious odor in their ford. Fiesta discovered radio waves when asked what uses discovery would have he said none. I guess so. I guess you can be both a nobel prize winning genius and a world class dumb dumb at the same time because hurts is waves crashed over humanity like a soon nami spreading knowledge across the globe paving the way for luminaries like marconi. Edward r murrow jack. Benny howard stern dr. Drew and adam corolla that belong in that. Same vaunted hall of fame as those titans of radio. No that would be a modest. But who am i to disagree with the. Vox populi right. You're humble ambassador of the airwaves. Was about to join the list of lists the a-list if you will and i will thanks to listeners. Like you from the hoity toity to the a sin sauce. One of my favorite asian condiments. Terry carnations speaks for the people. And i will never be silenced and you thought it was a bad idea for me to return to radio. Well i have three words for you. Dr kirstin veni vidi vici. I came i saw. I came again and tonight. They're giving me an award to prove it not only an award the award disc jockey of the year. I'm about to go up on the wall of fame next to the other luminaries soup. Canned sal bubble boy brown will boy dog with men. Jack's cousin from valencia. I am concerned that your self worth requires external validation own that so Well i see that you have awards on your wall. Those are diplomas. Oh so no awards. Then that's too bad. This award comes with a plaque. An engraved plaque the talk around. The water cooler is that it might be even embossed. That is what they call the braille of the winners well. I'm very happy for you. Thank you and look before you ask and things awkward between us. Plus one policy of the thought never occurred to me and it would also be an ethics violation. You don't have to hide your feelings. I can see that you're hurt for up to me. You would definitely be on the list if they expanded it to a plus five plus seven. Maybe i'm really fine. Tearing like being there. But here's the speech. I'll be giving. I stayed up all night writing at go ahead. Read it okay. In the waning days of the nineteenth century of bold visionary named heinrich hertz discovered googly emma marconi edward r murrow. A little self important. Don't you think you're a little self important. This will be last session. They have proven to be completely useless. And as my father used to say. Useless starts with y. o. u. That is incorrect. Your father was a hurtful man and bad speller. We'll you know when he could spell ask you look at all the people who came out to celebrate me. The murderers row of talent suitcase out is here. Believable o suit cam. I say me. How are terry terry soup terry nation. We did the children's leukemia. Telethon together remember of course. Of course that was marathon of a telethon reminds me at the time i interviewed. Edward r murrow out his days covering the mccarthy hearings. Senator joe mccarthy the famous anti-communist a- egghead murrow. Did you know that his birth name was effort. He used to wrap his hype under the head of his tv producer. Using this very pipe those slide smell good now did did i come by this high. You ask well. Oh they're is. I called them. We say hey creek. Veronica brenick come over here okay. Are you excited. I am so excited. I did for you to meet sue. Can sal soup cam. this is barranca. She talks to animals. There's nothing unusual about interviewing animals by myself interviewed sea biscuit right. Excuse me coming to coming out getting out getting out getting out art. Hello there elizabeth. It's lizzie it's easy. And hello there and lizzy so big night excited wouldn't be. Did you see that. That's a whole lot of free the ramp after my speech. People are probably going to be clamoring for a piece of me but i'd rather give you an exclusive. How about a tete-a-tete in the recording booth know how about seven minutes of heaven in the supply closet going anywhere this conversation we meet in the back seat of your car. Terry you finally here. I'm so lonely. Dairy a did you see fountain of shrimp. It's pretty epoca. Spare no expense so make sure to load up okay. Because there's not enough room in the mini fridge for leftover al-tairi doesn't eat shrimp. i keep kosher kosher. You told me was because shrimp for the cockroaches of the sea. which is why they're not kosher. Have a circumcised penis. And i enjoy lighting candles twenty million. Jews can't be wrong i'm sorry. Da had no idea you were jewish. I'm not. I'm thinking of converting once but a matzo intolerant. Okay well. let's get this party started. Shall we go everyone. Can i have your attention so since marino. Magic took over operations here ikaes be. Our profile is skyrocketed. But i can't take all the credit for it down. It's thanks to our incredible lineup of talent. Mostly me speaking of when my mom. And i bought the station she was dead. Set on getting kerry carnation back on the air so we all of them and to cama rate his return. Here's a certificate of appreciation and a fifty dollar gift card to yoyo yogurt. His favorite spot. How about clubs. Let's hear it retiree lou. Okay please aim for the trash. Can though we all right folks enjoy the rest of the party. And i expect i have a speech. Okay everyone terry would like to say a few words of view you hear me. I can't tell you how honored. I am to receive the dj of the year award. It's the welcome back award terry. We're we're just so happy to have carried back are we folks in the waning days of the nineteen th century old visionary named. Oh goodness up heinrich hertz. No relation to the car rental company but still claims. I owe them three hundred and
A highlight from Arsenio Hall: A Joke about OJ Simpson
"Who would have imagined like if you went to a psychic two years ago and they told you bill cosby will be in jail and will be out fucking money back know what to talk but here we. I read the article. Oj said he wants to be a preacher made me laugh to oj breach. He have to preach the nine commandments. Team you don't know anybody got a friend that always got negative shift to say to the point where you almost try to avoid yes. Let's talk about him. Oh fuck it's just people that you could say half i in beautiful day out but they start conversations with you. Got the media to me. But he said to me out of the blue joe man. I didn't know jaded like you bro. And i'm like what this is due. Butcher of brentwood you're talking about. Don't tell me this like me. Somebody who's been accused of cutting all he don't tell me this fucking don't like me not as in me start thinking about that. I went to vegas and apparently o. J. lives in nevada okay. I walk in a restaurant with my girl after my show. Go to have a steak. And i see her and then i go to the bathroom. Because i'm over fifty some you know what i mean. You have to be all the fucking time when you're over fifty. All there are times when i p and then i'm washing my hands and say hey. Where did that come from man. I don't need a date jack. I should speak to penn and teller bautisa reappeared. See her and i'm here to the bathroom by the way. Don't you hate when bathrooms make us. Play gender jeopardy. Can you just put men and women own a door. We don't need to guess what this is. What the gar mediais. I've gone gonna bathrooms and it's like amish bonnet and a wave. I wanna kiss guess. Which is the brothers band. Your go to a game or something. It'd be in the bathroom next to your son. I've been dodger game. My son is installed next to me and right before i started peeing. It's like hey. I think seabiscuit just came into his stall peeling dan. The fuck immuno up you know. I see white dust right. I still haven't paid my stall words. American standard flatware. That's how my dig used to be. That's how my dig. Then he finishes. And i say i digress. I'm going to the bathroom. And i think when you fear something it finds you in life justice. I go to push open the door. The door opens and his oj. Standard like this all the shit you said you go say if you saw him. Kill what i say. None of that should tell you. Exactly what mahan mahan do juice. I'm lou juice chomped by. He's scared the shit out of me. I went from arsenio hall to rue hall stream. Arsenio hall smarten classy only on netflix.
A highlight from The Lonely Island: A Song about Silk Robes and Kimonos
"I can't wait for this project over. tell me about. I need to close three accounts by friday. I've got a bible of market research to get through. I mean what does this. Warren peace sounds like you ladies could use a night off. Excuse me i said sounds like you ladies could use a night off. Maybe you should let us help you relax now things we don't date. Here's what we're not sophisticated. We think it we know it will. If you asked me. Shouldn't judge a book by its cover can come with us. We'll show you everything. Smell like the truck seed on this couch made of leather or status from cobra. Does she see maitre juburi to expect me. When don't try to solo. Flights me
A highlight from Greg Davies: A Joke about Passion
"Some people sealer reputation. They see reputation not just for life but for long after they've died. If i asked you to name me to famous lovers who'd you say clydes great. Thank you anymore. Julius course portion backside last night take one off. Was richard. Burton elizabeth taylor. They were married to each other three different times and burton legendary said this about her and i love it. I might run for a thousand years. She's still my baby child. Love is so furious that we each other. I am too much feeling that anyone. I read it and i began to wonder if any of my ex is feeding that suv passion about somebody to be the girl. I went out with the longest when someone for ten years in office state together. I tried to blame her. Am i leaving any legacy of passion behind me. We'll anyone think going back through people. I've dated and then i was in bristol anyone from bristol. Well john addressing yourselves. I was walking through. I heard the accent reminds behind. It was a date is pasha story. I can tell everyone it was a date. I caught setup on my friend was going out with someone in the invited me down to bristol to meet her in a party for me. Lovely and when i got there that invited her sister long as well and i thought there. This is the setup. I hate it. I hate being setup but she's really sweet. It's usually pre-. I thought why not so i was trying to over dinner and should have very light bristle absent. How long you down for grech gonna make weekends off are you. That's nice. I thought she seems suite. Then she started to drink was glasses of wine accident sites wherever the nice time now few. Oh you've changed. What do you shop donuts. That's all too with the weekend. Mahama throw throw. They went know she is. She's the hammer. Throw issues really excellent. Oh right that's i was looking at them. She crept my hands bam. She put it on our side. It was like a tweet trunk. Oh and i looked at her. She was waiting for my gaze. Throw you i thought. Oh i'm frightened because you've changed could see there is obviously riddled with cataracts. She fronted a banks on this panic on. The field went through the roof when she excused herself. Went to the toilet. 'cause that girl at walked him perfectly normally but now it was like watching
A highlight from 258. A Can Do Attitude with Jen Brister and guest Dr Rola Hallam
"During lockdown my partner who was lady and i i spent time together more than we have done at any point in that relationship and that we both have different coping mechanisms hoses to make lists for me to complete. Pain has been to sewn out her voice when she's talking to me now. I i cannot be turning out at least i think i've taken about twenty percent of what she says at any given time. Did you the plumber identity talking about. I don't even remember you saying what i'm saying. Is that when it comes to the mental load. I am almost entirely absent. That's iconic from even admitting that in relationship this we've had a deep conversation about this. Tom and he says does he. Is he a place. A different black mirror husband every monday morning. I don't know because we can have had several conversations about something. He swears he's never heard about it before. And i'm like. I remember when i might need to be reminded my i. I don't know why. I bother. Sometimes so i'm i think i'm your partner in this. I think you'll the tom of the relationship. If you're saying tom does get stuff done but i guess stuff yet done but just the things that she asks me to do. None of that will ever get done. That's what i find it. Hard talk a lot on thompson achiever. Yeah if i put it on the list he's got a blind spot for no always hashtag not always hashtag. No all tom's null times yes hashtag always money. It's not known or i want. I'm a feminist. But i realized the other day that i fancy guest on from beauty and the beast account. See what the problem. Why did she pass him over. He's honey he's a honky. No one looks one hooks. Like gaston is guest on the north end in. Yeah he's he's now he's Adoc but i find that attractive. A man tall saying oh. I haven't seen the movie. The animated still talking about food. Yeah i'd say. I was slightly concerned when i thought about the movie. That guy that likes to sing with his arms fix the live action. But i would very much consider one night stand with the animated character offered to me. I'm a feminist. And i believe in open discourse with other people take the other women grey let blah good to get out of your echo chamber alarm location. It can help you reevaluate the way you or think about a particular subject but judy burchill needs to shut the fuck up now. Shut up julie burchill. Just shut up now. That i have to agree with that and you know i am not someone who's likes people off. Don't you won't hear me ever ever. Ever i sometimes do. And i'm a feminist about pretty patel may not be consistent library clear and i really. You really hit me saying anything. Negative about anyone. Because i think there's enough people doing that on the internet and calling people out and stuff like that and people hear it from ten thousand people and they don't need to hear from me. But i will join you in your saying that judy burchill time for some sh- shift hush And okay four f. Yeah okay fine. She'll on the weekend is very unpleasant very unpleasant. I'm a feminist spot. I m jealous of all women with shiny head swishes including pretty patel swishes. What's what your hair shiny. It doesn't swoosh. I don't have that lustrous move. L'oreal advert hair. Not a. i have that looks right. That's what i leave but quite chic. When it's a bit short can't be an. I need to be very clear about this. It cannot be caught on or above the chain. Or i looked like a screw up a blue okay fine. I've got big cheeks. And i look at such a moon face. Oh my god that's great cheek bones. Now you take a genius. Yeah but i see such a fights. So where i needed to make it looks. Chic is just below the jaw line. So i don't get that moon face league. But i still get a bit like. Oh i could be parisian lover. It's a great lover. I love that. Look at the best hecker. I've ever had so shaved it off last year. I absolutely loved being bold. Just left it you suit short and you've got that pixie face that can do really short hair and i'm so jealous of us. Well that's a. That's a double jealousy the squishy shiny. Yeah and the the face that could take the short crop. One little i wanted i wanted now. Wants to all on alternate days doesn't work for anybody like that knife is going to do com. I am a feminist but what a moment seemed cool. Yeah ooh i'm really focusing on.
A highlight from Apology Pathology
"The neighbor's yard. Well because i felt like an andrew and you were born the shit out of me so in an attempt to self news. I took initiative. Feel the liberation of reprogram. Your higher self. Not saying sorry for the things you hold. No remorse towards. Now repeat after me. I sorry. I refuse to give fraudulent apologies. I am to live authentically. Therefore anything i say is my truth and i shan't ask for forgiveness for by truth i am not fucking sorry. Thank you for learning and growing with me today. Please make sure you give us five stars on itunes. Tag me shaman. Schimmel at sham in your self care moments of meditation. And i will see you on friday. La and white stay
A highlight from Adam Sandler: A Joke about Ubers
"Aches. acidic smell just how tall he rocked matt. Heroes wanting thing rocked. Is that the odor. Red coveralls was on the charge. I'll pass the call back and when you take a scoop guy deserves. Yeah lena smell in. 'cause oh wait i shoot my pants. I'll pad was the watch. Adam sandler one hundred percent. Fresh only on netflix
A highlight from The Food Episode
"Of our anus. Well i hope you're feeling hungry guys because today on the tech boom. It's the food episode with food increasingly a luxury for britain's working families farmers at summer vale. Farm and genetic research facility are tackling the stigma attached to eating rats. A wonderful source of protein. That's so easy to farm by crossing them with insects to create rats rats act or delicious vitamin rich mammal beetle hybrid. That's coming to a supermarket shelf near you. I'm just outside the main rats breeding barn with farmer. Don williams don tell us more about these fascinating creatures. They're clever i contact. Say run run. Great let's go. Oh my god what's interesting. Don't worry that that's mostly just they're swept right. We're gonna grab one for you. Well dog holding a razzek now and it's likely at but lived eight legs and the legs are just both within covering grimm's fairy flesh. God yeah look you can see. This one's a fully voice have three willies. Hold things done. That's fine that's up to you. You don't big so dawn. Why should we be eating. Rats sect tristesse. Help us tweet. This country's working poor. And you know what i can taste good. He going to tell me tastes just like chicken right. No it definitely takes effect. Well i cannot wait to try it with a never ending. Twenty four hour news cycle people. These days have the shortest attention span and decades rights. I mean you're not gonna fact tag that but it sounds legit. That's why we hear. It haven't read a dot. Com are collecting news content from every godforsaken corner of the internet and digesting it into snack. Gibson means you can easily share with your friends online without having to do the reading with have it. Ready dot com. We bring you pixellated. J. pegs of world leaders halfway through their lizard. Transformation not z. Quotes falsely attributed to your favorite country singer and brightly colored pie charts about how vaccines will make your son. Gay are graphic. Designers are working round the clock to bring you state of the art banners. That say nine eleven was an inside job in comic sans an only comic sans time to listen to fifteen hours worth of podcasts. About the earth being flat but with as gif of a dog gliding down the street on a skateboard ask how could it be. have it.
A highlight from Naomi Osaka and The Vibe Economy (w/ SJ Son & Woody Fu)
"And we'll come back to other asian that asian podcast podcast. Asian guys enough major talk about american issues. Nobody cares about and today mike. Mcglynn nutmeg win. Oh god mike is gonna murder me mike. No win is once again gone. He is in la i. he's no longer with his wife. But he's continuing his solo journey in la. Because he has to help his mom clean his house or something. I don't really understand muscle vietnamese thing. I don't really get it for another week. Actually he i think he did a show dumbfounded. So if you're in la maybe caught him there so if you're a new listener from that welcome welcome so in lieu of the great mike lynn. Obviously no one person can replace him. So i got two people today. They are my favorite guests on the asian that asian pockets. They've been like seventeen billion times. The host the holidays. Podcast called emotional. Slut i don't even know it's still happening because the last time they pose episodes in april about that as well. Please give it up for jason. How dare you episode was like one month ago. Two months is what he says immediately. Thought you meant april twenty twenty twenty twenty twenty you call me out for accurately doing his due diligence correct projector insecurities on me wait wait. You said he's no longer his wife. Did they separate no he last. He's been gone for like two weeks which is pretty long. He he was like his wife was with him on the first leg. You're on vacation second week now. He's in taking care of family business or something like that. It got so doggone. Bless bless mike. Good to see you guys. I mean i feel like Podcast is the only way you can get us room together. This you think he's almost becoming we were just talking about. You can lure us in with like if you put like delicious underneath. The held up with a stick louis literally. Last time we went to that outdoor little space for on knows held up by village. Remember when that thing happened when we all try to pay with credit cards newspaper in your favorite cinematic between us. I want that to being. Somebody's because good for all three of us have a chase sapphire preferred card thank. You don't brag because reserve is better two hundred dollars. It's absurd a year so anyway we are three and the chase sapphire preferred is like a substantive card. It's like made of titanium put it down and so it was three of us with our like natural god given asian name names zone sun minxing. None of us had the names that we go by on the fucking just feels like really authentic like arthritic selves are credit asian-american experienced love it. I think it's gonna picture last time all really credit the virus only on the back in no way. We're like brothers. That was the asian equivalent of like spitting on your hand and biff rather yes brothers man Before we get into it. Which i'm so excited to do. We do need to do a patriarch shout out. These are people who've donate patriots. And if you're a new listener and know we're talking about patriot. Is this website where you can donate to our podcast on a monthly basis. You can give you from five dollars to fifty dollars. Where'd you can do a customer and you're like why would i want to give you guys money. You guys radiates. Here's the thing. We're not on a network. Where complete dependent and the more money you give us the more time we can devote to this because it will become like our full-time jobs kinda and we're doing pretty good. Pretty good we. We have enough money to pay for. Maybe one of our rent's but again there's two of us so we need. We need more money. Guys and return you get bonus episodes we started. Dmz shout on this podcast and try to get her last name. Oh yeah that's like. We don listening to you. Know i just say like hi and i look at your instagram. When i see something funny about it it's great only that okay.
A highlight from Present Yet Absent
"The following podcast is a deer media production. Do you ever feel exhausted. Trying to keep up with wellness trends live a healthy lifestyle exercise be functional etc etc after twenty twenty just getting up and taking a shower feels like enough reason to celebrate. That's when i grab a cores pure. It's organic but chila about it. New cores pure is refreshingly. Simple beer with organic barley or ganic hops and at just ninety two calories and zero sugar it is the perfect beer to celebrate the winds of everyday life. Because we're all about georgia that my body knows soul so have the beer. Don't feel guilty about it. Course pure makes it. Oh so easy. Life is all about balance. And let's be honest. Sometimes a bitch skits thirsty so crack open of course pure and let it wash away the frustrations of your daily nuances. I had a pure earlier with a chicken enchilada. And let me tell you. I'm not mad about it of peers. The perfect beer to celebrate the winds of everyday life. So when you want to enjoy a beer without the guilt reach for cores pure. It's organic but chill about it. You can go to cores. Pure dot com to see where you can find cores pure celebrate responsibly chorus brewing company. Albany georgia
A highlight from London Hughes: A Joke about Foot Fetishes
"Take flakes. back from a major porn channel. I felt like. I should start day in story though i thought online day which was great and i met this guy who chatting online and he had a full fish and i knew how to put phase because the a picture of my feet right he was like i did semyonov once i just sent him the other for feet in its. I did this one too. I did that. He loved it. He loves the mahto he loves it. He likes mottos in different positions. You let that allo. Towards it's total window. Ledge fucking fucking and tofu. Sometimes you and. I was pictured in tow sexton for like a week after that. He wanted to see me toes in your life that i wanna see other so. I met him at crap junction train station in south london. It was winter and now it's obvious. Okay let me know lie. I was broke. I was wearing flog boots on. And i met him. I gave him a hug. Me back the good to see you can get your no. No no were well. I don't care about the shoes. I care about the feet in the shoes. Why your feet in those very shoes. The needs to be free. I was like thank you. I just told people please come down. I'd love another. If you just took the shoes off the tape to taken out. Harry shoes take them off. No now think of new shoes on the train tracks with cau- and buy me some new shoes he did he took me to. Howard is the most yet expensive off department. Store in the whole of europe is so fucking boozy. It's the only store you can go in and buy a tv and a real life lion on talking to hire eighteen. I'd never been inherits before so we'll catch up our gonna look at the money. I found out the black woman in pretty woman that didn't exist just amazing and he told me to the shoe department in harvard and there was some expensive suits and it was just waterboard. Spent virtues now is that he took a pair of shoes. aqa even pronounced No no no. No no no connects issues. The shoes they should come for free cocktail. Why those shows and i put on celebrities. Before my life dumpling. These shoes on and trying to like a professional human. And i'm not bambi on is just trying to struggle with these mino- i know i'm doing an. Oh my they cost. Twelve hundred houses were rent. He pulled me rent shoes k. I had branches on my. I was bred. Laurie a member walking into his bedroom bus an open. The door and i was taken aback startled. I was surprised. I was shocked because he's very to whoa whoa of designer women's shoes and i was i was in awe and he came up behind me and it was seen lying. Can use like all. This could be your across the west. This could be on accident. The fuck fuck the good effects. He gifted me a pair. Oj ask him for six weeks. i got twelve. I want to marry him. Remember his name stream london hughes to catch a dick. Only on that
A highlight from Social media | Heroic rat | Noah's ark
"This is a podcast from the bugles. Whenever i get gloomy with the state of the world. I think about the arrivals gate at heathrow airport. General opinion stunned to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed. But i don't see that it seems to me that love is everywhere often it's not particularly dignified on newsworthy. But it's always their fathers and sons. Mothers and daughters husbands allies boyfriends girlfriends. Old friends that ladies and gentlemen is called social proof in its marketing tactic. That hits deeply ingrained neuropathy baked in the evoked human brain that tells you only safe in a crowd when you're agreeing with other people and this is the goggle sonic glossy magazine to the bugles. All your newspaper for visual world. Welcome we other pull out. That's double bagged. Because you can't be too safe fuel guest today on the show. James new say and benjamin partridge. Oh well. we'll get into all of the news of this week. That doesn't involve politics but first let's look at the cover of this week magazine. The front cover. This week is a picture. Floyd mayweather in back to back crossed cookie ages pose with youtube logan poll and the caption reads money. We just made so much money. You forgotten one of us is a violent criminal so my sad when the obnoxious upstart who's twenty years younger than thirty kilos. Heavier only disgraced himself by showing a dead body to millions of children for whether respectable elder statesman punched a series of women from strangers in bosnia. The mothers of his children is i know. This is probably controversial but If punching women is your hobby. I don't think you should be allowed to punch men fiona job personal opinion other cover his include outrage at oxford students who took down a picture of the queen. Wait until they hear about the sex pistols and the satirical cartoon this week is jeff bezos in-space getting an amazon delivery notification on his phone that he's not going to be home to sign for the speech. Bubble says shocks and that brings us to the do the first section of this magazine social media section. One tiktok is stealing your face james. Qui se You have a face. Tell me a bit more about this story. Look this weirdly widely not political but also what we've always deeply feared and tiktok. It's just gonna go there and take our oil of our privacy particularly our face prints and voice prints. I'm not smart enough to know what a face print is. I'm guessing it's just a print of your face but tiktok stealing hits and they that we don't know what they using it for. I don't know what my face or voiceprint will be used for a can't even sneak into new zealand using the space. Printing voiceprint just looks like ethnic anyone so basically doing what or the conspiracy. Ferry people said they would which is stealing all of the The face voice stuff of uses with out really is particularly in the us and without any of the knowledge. A few generally bad for conspiracy people. Because we give we've the during the whole pandemic we've given conspiracy will be like this is serious now. We can't hit any of your stuff. Your phone isn't