Dealing with Liar Liars

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

This is a head gum podcast. Welcome to you that this is why you're single podcast Laura lane. And I'm Angela Sparrow, we are the raiders of the book. This is why you're single every week. We highlight a different dating topic. This week's episode is dealing with liar liars Lila's pants on fire. Also talking about what's new in dating news. How bumble is prioritizing user self care, and how often people lie, then we're diving into the mailbox to answer your listener questions, including one listener who has suddenly become the side ho and another listener whose getting mixed signals from fuck boy. So many fuck boys lately, I know epidemic, but Angela versus you and this week what is going on in your week. So I have two good friends that are sisters and they're endlessly entertaining because we recently did an episode on opposite opposites attract, and they are very opposite one is like super bubbly and light. And then one is lit. Darker and more depressive and they are battling. They live together in their battling between whether or not sex toys or hands are better for masturbation. What did they what do they think? It's isn't it? It's not like a blanket statements kind of you know, it's a personal choice. Right. I guess, but the more bobbly one is trying to push sex toys on the other one. And the other one is like Noma hands worked out you better than my hands. What we like we're satisfied, we're all about the satisfy. They sent it to us for free Bayden pay us. They're not a spot on the show. Say would have given us a code or something because we've sold so many satisfied just from talking about it, including to my friends that are sisters because referred to the one as b b b bought a satisfied. Listen to it on our show. And she was like, and they got one for myself because it sounds amazing. You wanna know what I really regret? I I they sent us three of them one us for couples irregular one in travel one. And I was like, you know, what I don't eat all three I don't need to travel one probably not going to bring it with me traveling opened a weekend away without my satisfied. So I gave it to a friend recently. And I'm been like howling like the worst like like like, I I want to take it back. I wanna I wanna take gift to late now too late. And I was like not sharable gift. I was like why did I give away? How does fire I've been having so much regret? I was like I'm gonna keep the one that's for couples, maybe Nick, and I will one day, and I'm going to keep the one that I've been using my bed in my bed. Stan actually reminder that you can go on Adam and eve and use code single to get yourself says. Oh, yeah. That's cool. So what did she did your friend? So I was hoping that it would arrive when we were so bit hasn't. But it's it's just funny. It's like sparked this debate. And now they're both looking to me. And being like, what do you think? And I'm like, obviously team satisfy guaranteed the satisfy will give you an orgasm gazillion times better than quicker than better than your hands. I can't find mine though. Which is really funny. Didn't you get three? You got three. Also, you can't find any of the three to deal, and I used one together, and that was great but won the couple's one. I don't know. Like what the difference is? We just use we use the the section won the penguin penguin penguin. No. That one's not for couples that one that one's just the regular one. So we use the word, and you know, what that worked worked for couples. It was great. But then when night Ian, went out, and I was like, all right. All right. Those good. But I would like to spend myself now, and I was like the door clicked he left, and I was like I ran into the bedroom. And I was like searching through all the drawers looking for it could not find it. Did he steal it and throw it away because he's like I don't want her. He's and get him aided by my satisfied. Okay. But you got saying I when they sent they sent a six, and I gave you three I know. So there are three I listen, we re. Maybe we do not have big apartments somehow, someway are three vibrators floating around my apartment, and I can't find them. This is not the story about your friends. This story, you're not about your friend buying vibrator for your friend. This story really about E N. Hiding your vibrator. I mean, I'm not saying that it's confirmed that he has done that. But I'm just saying where the fuck are. They oh my God. I searched high and low, I don't know. I know the case of the Nancy drew in the case of the missing penguin satisfied there in the trash because he's intimidated. Maybe I'll keep you updated. But. Code single at checkout. Getting another one for both of us. I think you're going to buy yourself another one. It is time for us to jump into what's in the news. But first, let's take a very quick sponsor break. We would like to thank our sponsor Lola Lola is a female down and company offering a line of organic cotton, tampons pads and liners, and now they offer sex products to we are huge fans of Lola because we like what they're all about. We don't wanna put bad stuff in our body, and they're also very aesthetically beautiful to things I care about. Yeah. And you know, delivery services for your feminine products makes so much sense because it happens one every month. So get a delivery every month. It's just really easy makes your life. Stress-free? I've tried to subscription is my life, especially when it comes to the essentials. You know, and this is definitely one of them food and tampons that's like it was just gonna say I have a lot of food. Subscriptions and tampons subscription like two things that and the thing I love is that you can like put a hold on it at any point. Right. I wasn't having my period when I was pregnant so I like put a hold on my subscription. And now, I'm breastfeeding still don't have it. And it's still on hold. And then once once I get my period again, I can just like start up this. Scripture, again, which I love so much. How convenient it is team in like a lot of women I have an irregular period. So I don't need as much as other women. So I have also a very flexible schedule, so low makes your month a little bit easier. Their subscription is fully, customizable, like we said, so you can choose your mix of products mix of absorbing see nor number of boxes and frequency of delivery, Lois subscription is super flexible, you can change skip or cancel your subscription. Anytime you pick your products shoes. From organic cotton tampons available with a BP free plastic applicator, which is important because it's good for your China. There's also the sex by Lola line that we love it's available for subscriptions. Well, you can add to your period. Subscriptions. So everything is can be delivered to your ideal schedule, they have condoms and personal lubricant. And now Lola also offers these really cool cleansing wipes. That are the first biodegradable natural wipe of their kind very cool for forty percent off all subscriptions. Visit my Lola dot com and enter promo code single. Nhl forty when you subscribe. That's my Lola dot com and enter promo code single forty. Angela what have you been reading about in the news? You know, the more and more. I read about bumble. I am such a fan of them. I was reading four and Aaron Spencer wrote about how fumbles new snooze feature is prioritizing user, self care above engagement metrics. Of course, bumblers run by woman. They're making healthy choices for women. Love it. So yeah. A couple months ago bumble edited a new feature aimed at helping its users to take a mental break from notifications in scream time. The new snooze feature allows users to take a break from the app whenever they wish by silencing all notifications until it's turned back off. It's simple to use. And you can choose between snoozing for twenty four hours seventy two hours or one week or indefinitely, and then you can also kind of put up an away message like we used to do back in the day on aim. So you can have it say like, I'm traveling. I'm focused on work right now or I'm doing digital detox. So the people. Thank you like completely disappeared. If you're messaging with them. And then you go away for a week. So what do you think what do you think of this? No, I think this is very cool. Because sometimes I just don't wanna look at my phone for a while. And this is incurring people to not be so phone obsess. I genuinely don't think very many people are gonna use it. Let's gonesse. But you know, what we do? We we use the term dating f- Teague. And usually our advice rainy that feels that way is walkaway for a little bit into deactivate your accounts for a while. So I think people are doing that anyway and bumble realizes that. And they're like just trying to provide like a service that people are already looking for. Maybe you know, this happened a few months of us. I would be really curious to know if any of our listeners have done a social media detox, and if they have I would love for them to ride in and tell us how it's going, right? Like, I'm especially interested in people who like have active conversations going, and then all of a sudden put up this away message like taking digital detox. I don't know if people are going to stick around and still talk to you after that, if you appear for like a week, would you what would you think if someone tells you that they're going on a social media detox? Would you be judgy about it? Would you think? It's cool. It would you be like, why do you need to do that like where you having issues on social media, you needed to do a detox like, well, I think like I would probably be like, I totally get needing to take detox because you know, I think that usually you wanna do that after you've had a lot of bad experiences. But if you're talking to me if things are going, well, it would be like, okay. Like you wanna exchange numbers before you do that? Yeah. I don't know if I would tell people you're going on a detox seems a little bit like, okay. You know, like like it's like when you're going on a date with someone and they're like just see now I can't drink tonight because I'm going on this juice cleanse. It's like how about you don't say it and just go on the date and don't order a drink because you're not pressured to order a drink. Just be like, oh, hey, I've got like worked mar I'm not really drinking right now. And don't make a big thing about it. You know, I feel like it's. Like people that got him in just you know, I'm not drinking. So if you wanna go out like if you could pick a place like Hessler staff, it's like every place has other stuff. Why are you making a big spiel about it? It's sort of like leading with your baggage a little bit. Yeah. Just tell people like, oh, hey, I'm going on vacation some gonna be a little am I for a week, but I think you can do snooze mode and not choosy away message. I'm not positive but make your women do a little more chill. Not late. You know overwhelmed by snoozing. Yeah. With like a Winky face. That's cute. I think that's the way to go. Yeah. So let us know here is have tried this. I'm in support. I think is really cool, and I really liked the lady behind bumble. Yeah. Me too any wolf. She's cool move, Laura. What are you reading? So I was reading my goop magazine. Controversial is it controversial. I mean, you know, people need to stop judging people are like goop. Why does lawyer regroup we? Got like an Email about it. You know, stop promoting. Oh, you're gooky stuff. Pseudoscience of goop. Yeah. You know, what I like? And it's my fucking podcast, and I wanna read my goop Lebed. Cassuto science to. It's just less pretentious, perhaps the navy. But you know, if we read stuff that's not backed by science, we say it. We're like, this isn't opinion or right? And sure I mean like what stuff have we talked about this not back by science. I mean, I guess when I was trying to turn my my breach. Baby I was doing like hypnotism and an acupuncture and tactic, you know, stuff. That's maybe not doesn't have a ton of research behind it. But outsides mainstream a bit. But I think we acknowledged that we all knew that was a little woo. And guess what it didn't work, and I was very was shot open about that. It didn't turn my breach babies. So, you know, if I try it doesn't work I'll tell you that doesn't work or you're gonna read a wound new story. I did get hypnotized though, I did get him to ties it just didn't turn my baby. But you don't know what it did do you fix could show up any day. Now, we know coops making more of an effort to have research. Backed articles because this always good thing. Yes. So this is about how many times people lie. And this is what my magazine says. By the way, I'm reading from a hard cover magazine. I've never done this before nine hundred ninety eight pantley research suggests that sixty percent of people don't make it through a typical ten minute conversation with a new acquaintance without lying, and is if that weren't dishonest enough they don't lie just once on average. They liked two to three times, of course, some people lie lot and some people hardly ever lie. Says Bill on hippo who is an evolutionary psychologist and a professor at the university of Queensland who studies social intelligence, he writes, he says that the data suggests that on average people tell one or two lies a day. But wait when you meet someone at a bar or on a date, they're going to be lying to you. But before you start to get all judgy on those entrust e dinner party guests. He the writer says considered. This not all lies are necessarily bad. Von hypocrites of white lies as social glue. So Bella de Paulo who's one of the world's top experts on lying refers to them as quote other oriented, meaning that they are intended to protect other people's feelings and to protect relationships with other people. So what do you think about this often? Do you li- like it'd be like maybe like I'm trying to think when example, I actually do like your shirt? It's really cute. Let's say I said like, oh, like, I like sure even though it let's say, I didn't that would be technically ally. Right, right. You're sure you're sure this is a really cute I got any banks, but panther firm sich, fix use code single checkout. Shameless. I would normally I don't feel like I lie as much as this would imply, but we've read other new stories that kind of say the same thing. So I guess it must be true. I wonder if they consider like a white light. Also, just like an omission of the truth. No, I don't think. So. But I think I can elaborate on what you're getting at. Okay. So Jeff Han. Cock the founder director of the Stanford social media lab and professor in the department of communications at Stanford University uses the phrase Butler lies to describe text messages like sorry, Mr. call, which is technically like because you're like, you know, probably not very sorry. Or maybe you may maybe you just let it go to voicemail, you know. So those are called quote unquote, Butler lies and in a recent study handcock found that Butler lies where the most common lies told in the first messages people exchange on dating apps, so instead of I'm not interested people would fall back on. I can't. Speak in because I have to visit my sister. So all those kinds of things are technically lies. But you know, a lot of lies because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. We think they're good. We think of lies like a negative thing. But sometimes you life or good cause. Yeah. Like, you really want to tell someone. I don't find you tractive. Now, that's kind mean so small lie once in a while. You know, is is is good. Yeah. We just have to worry about the bigger lives like the OEM going to the grocery store, but your senior mistress lies, exactly. But most of the lies are Butler lies. So some not not all that bad. Yeah. Is the moral of that news story? Thanks goop. Thanks goop. See those all research back yet Stanford professors making progress. Yes. All right. It's time to jump into our mailbox first. Let's take a quick sponsor break. We would like to thank our sponsor. Brooklyn Brooklyn is the fastest growing betting brand in the world. And it's what I was using. 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Switch today and say five dollars off your first order when you subscribe, that's pari K O P A R, I beauty dot com slash single pari. Beauty dot com slash single. Angela what if you've been reading about in the mailbox or not reading out what what do we have in the mailbox what mailbox letters have been reading? Okay. So first we have a listener who is using the alias Jiminy. Cricket which I like, the that's cute. She writes, I was seeing the guy last year when I went on a three week trip abroad, we decided to play by ear to see if we still wanted to pursue things when I came back. Well, I had missed him terribly. But I came home to find he started seeing someone else while I was gone. Ouch. He told me he wanted to pursue an exclusive slash monogamous relationship with her. But wanted us to remain friends. However, this new girlfriend is from his hometown two hundred miles away. And what our mutual friends don't know is that while he was bragging about his new girlfriend. He was still sexting me one night. I know we kissed in a couple of weeks later, he brought me home we had sex twice. And I say the night his place. I am not one to be the side Hoke. Unquote. Well, you are and my conscience is not letting me forget that what we did was wrong, especially since he moved back down to be closer to her shortly after our rendezvous, I don't know his girlfriend and all I never met her. But I have a gut feeling Schneede snow. Her boyfriend is a cheater should I reach out to her? What would she even believe me is this even my place still hurting in so many ways to Mugniyah don't do it jelly cut it off and like stay out of that drama. She's gonna find out not about you. He's going to do this with other people because she wants a cheater always a cheater. I think so like she's going to find out it's not gonna work out and they'll break up, but like just don't get involved. You don't need that on your on your back. Just stay out of it. I think like she secretly people that want to do this and like end up being the side ho, and then they're like, maybe I should tell the girl. It's like you were just as much a fall, which so you have a lot of guilt and you're trying. To figure out what to do with that guilt. And I think you're thinking that if you tell her you'll somehow help resolve some of your own guilt that you're having or maybe you secretly like the drama. Even though you think you don't think you subconsciously want the drama, you consciously want to get rid of your own Gill joss, you fucked up he fucked up, but like, you know, like, you're not doing this for this girl. You don't know her? Let's be honest. You're not really doing it for the girl. You're not so stay drama just keep her mouth. Shut. Don't do this kind of thing anymore. If you feel bad about it and like move on and let let them figure their shit out. Yeah. I mean, what do you think though, you can you? I think you disagree. I see I saw your faces. I was that. Because the thing is if I was other girl, I want to know, but I would say if you did tell her don't expect like the glory of being like a hero of like giving this information, she's gonna blame you just as much as she blames the guy like this is this is definitely going to cause more drama, not resolve anything so be realistic about it. If you. You are seriously considering telling her. Yeah. Things aren't going to go. Well, no things are not gonna go. Well, I think though, yes, if we if we were in that situation, I would want the girl to call me and tell me because every wants to know by still don't think you should. 'cause there's two scenarios other. Snow number one. He never does this again, and they work out and they get married and they're happy. And like this one little blip is something she never needs to know about and they're happy, and they live happily ever after scenario number two. He is a serial cheater and eventually he's going to get caught. So either scenario you don't need to get involved in if she if if he's a serial cheater, and he's like is going to do this. And that is a scenario where she would need to know, otherwise like they might go in like live happily ever after you don't even need to tell her. I will say no matter what you do you need to like just cut off communication with both of them like to Laura's point will not both. He doesn't even know the grill. Even if you do reach out, and like talk to this girl, and like tell her don't stick around and be like a like part of the drama. Just like, here's some information. I'm going to go with my life. Now. I mean, there's nothing keeping you tied those people to remove yourself. I think you need to like if you're going to tell her like create. Wait, a new g mail address block their numbers and stuck his number. Well, I mean, maybe I would create like a new g mail address and send like a blind tip. Oh, yeah. I kinda I don't hate that. I that what I would do because you don't want like him feeling like he wants needs to like cast revenge on you for telling her, right? I mean, he'll assuming you're the only person he's cheated with. He'll probably know it was, you know, he might think that it was like a friend that you confided in you know, it just don't ever. Don't don't speak with him. Yeah. But I would create like a fake g mail address and send like a blind very vague tip. If you do want to tell her like your boyfriend's, a cheater periods, still, you know, your boyfriend has cheated on you I can't say more, but you should talk to him about it. But I think just out of the drama don't do anything Laura's, probably, right? But don't do that again and don't say involved with this person because he's bad news. What else do we got in the mailbox? Okay. Now, we have an anonymous Email this is insanely long. It is are you reading this whole thing. Well, there's a lot of information. Okay. Well, I just want to prepare listener. Yeah. Just buckling. Sit setback grab drink. Okay. So this is what she writes. She says I'm a twenty year old college student, and they met my friend Josh through my roommates at the beginning of the fall semester. He complements me a lot telling me that I have the best of humor that I can keep up with his sarcasm sarcasm and that his done. His favorite of all my roommates. I didn't think much into these compliments until a few weeks ago when we were all drinking heavily at my roommate's cabin and one thing led to another and he ended up kissing me. Yeah. I was shocked and expected him to tell me he was just drunk. But he instead said I was a good kisser. And he's been waiting to kiss me for a while. Now, I was shocked because I never thought of him that way earlier that night he was telling me all about this amazing girl that he was seeing an encouraging metex another guy. He then sent me a gift at three am of a toddler dancing. No idea. What that means next day, basically at this point like she thinks he's like super into her or no, no, she doesn't think he didn't see this coming shins coming. They like the kiss before that he was talking about some other chick. And and he's like, you should tech some other guy. Right. So you're like, okay. Clearly, you're not into me. Because if you were why would you be encouraging me to tech text. Another do exactly. So this guy's weird sending very mixed signals. Yes. And it only gets more mixed from. Here. She says the next day we acted as if nothing happened. And I wasn't sure if he. The next day we acted as if nothing happened. And I wasn't sure if he remembered or not he brought up that amazing girl again. So I figured he didn't remember. But later in the night after a few drinks, I brought up the gift. He sent. He said. Yeah, I wanted to see if you were up, what do you think about the kiss? I was honest and told him I was surprised, but it was a good kiss. He got excited and said how he never thought I'd be into him in that. I'm so cute. He wants to take me out to dinner just hanging watch net. Flicks. He said he'd text me when we got back from the cabin. Then he didn't Tex it all then we all went out I needed and talking about the other girl, though, he remembers the kiss is not very nice post kissing etiquette. If you asked me, no, that's not cool at all. Like, even if he's just trying to make her jealous childish an unkind. So she says, then we all went out to a street fair in town later that week and both of us acted like nothing happened between us I was so annoyed. But even more annoyed that when that amazing girl came up to. Visit. She asked him to go to the bars with her since I'm not Twenty-one, everyone ditched me. He ended up calling me to pick him up. He told me that the girl ditched him. And then he wanted me to go. Hang go inside. And hang out with him dumb. Me. I did he told me all those lies again apologized for not texting me and how digital for girl. And then when that girl ditched him because karma is a bitch in the same night. He called her to come over. And they hooked up. Oh, why is she doing this though end? She picked him up from the bar. She wasn't allowed to go to the Barker. She's not twenty one. But she drove and picked up his drunk ass stupid. No, why yours much to blame here as he is. I got us a. Yeah. So they made out that's all that happened. But then the next morning he woke up and the girl that ditched him started texting him apologizing and his attitude towards her completely change. God. This guy is the biggest flip-flop flipper such a fuck. Boy, I went with my roommate later that day to get food, and she told me that her Josh talked about what had happened between us. And he said it didn't mean anything to him. And that I was just drunk thing. Pissed I called him out. See screen shots attached. I don't know if we'll do the screen chart reenactment, you guys kind of get it. Lots of back and forth, basically him being like, oh, let's just be friends, like not mess up our friendship. I never thought of him romantically until that happened. But after we kiss a can't stop thinking of him that way, I pretend to be normal. But when we all hang out deep down. I'm so angry. Okay. How do I get over this girl? This guy sucks so hard you need to forget about him. And honestly, you can be a little rude to him. I'm glad that that you called him out. The biggest red flag was talking about another girl and kissing you. I would have probably called him out. Right, then and there and bid like are you into me or her? What is your deal? So this is what I think it sounds like he's an entitled jerk who wants to have his cake and eat it too versus into you. And he's into you, and he's into the other girl because when people, you know, they're into into both people, but he needed to pick. Instead, he tried to have you both and like see how far you would let him go being jerk. And you like what him be a jerk? Like a lot. So he Shing the boundaries because that's what jerks do is. They're going to keep pushing the boundaries as far as you'll let them you need to say higher standards. That's what I got to say to you. So yes, I think this guy sucks, but that's pretty obvious from reading your Email. I this is more about you, you need to have higher standards after he ditched you for the did shoe for the bar that you couldn't get into. You should not have picked his ass up. What were you thinking, he sucks, but you you need to work on your high standards, like, you're awesome. So you gotta own it. So why are you putting up with big dummies that clearly are into other people and treating you like shit. Why are you doing that? Like, what point do you think that? That's okay. And that's what you deserve. I completely agree. I think people do this themselves all the time like this shouldn't even warrant like seeking out advice because on paper. It's also, obviously he is a piece of shit. He's never going to be like into the way you want him to be. So just move on. But I get what emotions are involved. It's harder to come back inclusion and you can see throughout her Email. She's like ignoring all the giant red flags and mining through every single interaction for the one little nice thing. But then he appall this is what they do complements me. And then he apologized like bet doesn't matter picture it's catching. It's like he's got a little cash ring any like he like dangles in your face. And he's like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm dangling this little cat strain. You know? I don't know. What is thinking like, I shouldn't shouldn't have ditched. You will you pick me up. And then this other girl tech semi polls the string away, and you're like what many like Dingle string again. And that's how you fuck with people's heads. So I I can't give you advice on how to deal this guy usually to not talk to him. And honestly, you can be like a total bitch to him because he sucks, and he deserves whatever bitchy attitude, you you give to our Tim. You could just be like, look like, I think you're jerk. I don't really I think you're not a nice person you treated me like shit. I like, I don't really I think you're really Kanda shitty person. So I don't really. Talk to you. You could say that to his face. But this is about you. And what makes you think that you deserve people like this like you need, you know, you need to wait till you get a guy that is willing to treat. You a little better and isn't gonna ditch your ass for another check. And then call you having pick his but up right next next time. You catch yourself like what you're doing is. You're being detective, and you're like looking for clues that he likes you. But what you need to do is look at what's right in front of your face. And that's that he is treating you should only. So next time. You find yourself being a detective Sherlock, Holmes, sap it. And honestly, I bet if you you wrote a very long Email. And I bet if you went back and read it, it would be a lot more obvious even just like a week or two later if you go back and read the Email. Yeah, you're gonna you're gonna be like, oh, it was all there right in front of me. Sometimes it's sometimes when you're in it, it's really hard to see what's happening. We've all been there. If you want your listener questions answered if you have any funny messages, you wanna share you can Email us at contact at this is why you're single show dot com. Please be concise. This was an exception. We don't usually read long ones like this. So don't think you can get away with that keep them a paragraph or less, but this was a good one. I feel like every every now, and then we need to read an Email like this where it's not we're not really giving you advice. We just need to like a little slap in the face and wake you up and be like, this is about you. And so many people have been in this scenario Ivanhoe. Are you kidding me? Angela every guy ided in college en highschool was this scenario where I was like I was like always like nice me. And then he's done then he is because we've all been there. We just slap in the face to be. Like, set your standard Thai higher than this. You know, you're better than this. So that's why we made an exception of this one. If you guys wanna find our contact info, it's also on our website at this is why you're single show dot com. Now, let's dive into our reason of the week. This week's reason is dealing with liar liars. So as we know lying can happen a lot in relationships you lie about seeing other people like our first listener did ally about feelings physical what somebody a little quicker lie about your height on your dating profile. That's like the most unforgivable. I sometimes you lie to yourself. Like our second mill listener in you. You know, you're like I think he does like me, but you're lying to yourself. We talked about gas lighting before on the podcast. That's also sort of a form of unconscious lying to somebody else. Where somebody kind of makes makes you think that your the problem that it's your fault? So like Laura broke down in her new story. There's a big difference between a white lie. That's like Mench to make someone feel better. Right like movie relationship long in a positive direction and then a harmful lie. So I think when somebody lies to you have to really evaluate the motivation for the lie. Yeah. Like if you say. Like, oh, I have really your hair looks nice today. Sometimes, you know, maybe you're not into the hair. But you just need to say nice things sometimes to people, right? Have you ever been lied to a relationship, Laura? Oh, yes. Of course. I'm trying to think of a harmful. I yes. Well, not this isn't I mean, if I've ever been cheated on. I don't know about it. But I dated the guy data before neck. He look he totally allies me. He told me that that I mean. Okay. So he's it was his apartment. He had this amazingly like really nice apartment in midtown. And it barely had any of his stuff in it. It was it was amazing had to have like a few shirts. It was. It was clearly like someone could have rented it out on Airbnb, you know, and and it wasn't an Airbnb apartment. It was it was basically like an apartment that his parents had in the city for when they wanted to stay overnight in the city because they had a house upstate that. They lived in fulltime, but he pretended. Like lied me that this was his apartment that like he made it seem like he paid for it see on the spectrum of white light a harmful. I feel like that's very much in the middle. Because I don't feel like it's totally forgivable because it shows like you're being shady have that tendency in you'd tell such a huge lie. Right. And you're not a truthful person, and you're trying to talk yourself up, and like pretend to be someone that you're confident in who you really are. Where's he would have just if he had just said like, hey, I just graduated from business school? I don't have a job yet. So I'm crashing at my parent's apartment that they own in the city. I would have been like. Cool that makes sense. It's awesome. You just got your masters degree that super cool. And that was the real scenario that was the actual situation. But instead, he like, you know, and I was always confused. I was like, wait. But like, how are you paying for this place? Like, you know, like what do you do? It was always very confusing to me. And obviously that relationship did not work out. No it didn't because he was a mama's boy. And like he he was always lying about stuff. Like that. Like we went on. We broke up when we were on this trip in Europe. That was like the trip of like all nightmares where he pretended that. He got us a places Dan than we show up and you're up without an apartment without an hotel. Lots of apartment drama. Yeah. Sorry, I mean hotel, and so then we were literally sh- show up there without a place to stay because he pretended that he had a place for us to say and to call my friend. I talked to an years that like lived in London and was like I'm stranded in London. Can I crash because at this point I didn't have a lot of money. So I wasn't about to like go get us a hotel. You know, I was like paycheck to paycheck, working magazines at that point. So I was like I'm not paying for whatever. It was just always weird shady stuff where if you had just been up front with me. And like always told me the truth. We could have figured it out. I probably wouldn't have gone on the trip with you. Probably. Yeah. I think definitely like I was always making up shit. So we have some tips from bustle for how to confront a liar and deal with dating liar by Erica Florentine, doing go through the list of me, Laura. Yes. So be absolutely sure that the purse flying you because you're gonna look like a real jerk. If you say, hey, you're lying then. And then it turns out that they're not lying, then you're gonna then they're going to be like, why don't you trust me? So be sure they're lying before you confront them. Yeah. Remain confident when you approach that person. Don't let them talk you out of confronting them. Also, they the leadership. Expert Sherrie stack suggests coming in with all the right facts that you have so that you can present that that will help you feel more confident. Yeah. And like come to the table from a place of love and compassion, which depending on the life funding, if they're cheating on you. Then obviously going to be compassionate. Do you have to be compassionate? But you know, I guess what I could have said to my ex when I found this out was hey, you were very misleading in made. It seem like this is to your partner. And I hope you know, I would never judge you to know that it's not your -partment. I really wish you would have just told me the truth. So that I would have I would have known you don't even pretend to be someone that you're not because I love you for who you are. I think that's a great example of the kind of lie that can initially be dealt with with compassion. Yeah. Once it became a pattern then. Yeah. Not so much. So be cautious of manipulation this goes along with trying to stay confident understanding going into it. Some layers may try to twist your words or twist the truth. So that it lands in their favor. So the be super aware of the other person's words in an intentions and just explain that you're not going to tolerate anymore, lying, you know, which is should be a given an also keep a record of the conversation when possible so that way later on when stuff comes up you can be like actually to quote you on may twenty fifth. You said x y and z. Yeah, I would say if it gets to that point that you're probably break up. Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, yeah, if you've got like a serial liar whose like I never said that and you need to like show it in their face. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it depends depends on the scenario dies. But the crazy if the person's a really good liar and really manipulative and try speak. I never said that right? Then you might think that you're going crazy. But then you that's when you pull up the tax conversations. But if it gets that point, it's probably unless they the. Guy genuinely or or girl genuinely forgot what they said. And you need to pull up the text conversation. This is what you said. And this is why I'm upset then hopefully, they would say oh my God. I didn't realize that. I had said that you're right. I lied. I'm really sorry. That's how that conversation should go. Exactly. Like, they see on the internet. You gotta have receipts. Keep you over seeing the receipts on that note. It's time for reason of the week brick done. So almost as if we know it will come in handy later on most girls get an early introduction into spotting liars. Yet, a classic slumber party game we're going to brush up on our lie detecting skills now and revisit that game as we play two truths and a lie. So you all know how this goes and gonna read three things things are true. One thing is alive sprinkled in stuff. That's actually just facts about my life and other stuff is just cultural things, and we're gonna ask Laura. Okay. I won this about me. So to truths and lie one I took karate lessons as a child to I played the piano as child three. I was in a scrabble be as a child. I'd never heard. I mean, I can't really picture you doing karate or playing the piano. But I know one of Kant's one of those true Crotty ABI, so cute. I've never heard you mentioned that you can play the piano, I'm gonna I feel like Karate's maybe something that you're like, you're cool Long Island. Parents might have had you do to be like a tough check. So I'm going to guess piano is the lie. you're wrong. I shook piano lessons. I cannot play the piano today. Which is why you've never heard me do it. But I did take like three years of lessons low. That's a lot of lesson. I know it didn't stick which was the lie. The lie was that. I was in a scrabble be. I had a friend that wasn't it sounded really cool. But I never got to do that was one that I thought for sure you had done. I know I love scrabble. Maybe maybe one day. So you did take karate. I did take ready. Yeah. I was a white belt, which is the first level. Good for you to number two number one of that round. Hilary Duff wrote an entire book series about a photo journalist entangled in a mystery better father missing I'm pretty sure that's true. Because I think I remember having to go to that like a book reading with her really. Well, this is I feel like your celebrity gossip Beveren, we'll help you here. But like what does Hillary Duff know about photojournalism or murder nothing? That's why they just her name on it. And someone else goes rights that shit. That's how that goes down. I don't know. Apparently. All right. All right. Number two, Nellie Portman wrote a true crime novel about a series of murders and trailer park in Mississippi and number three. Sharon Osborne wrote a novel about two sisters that aren't tested by fame. I never heard of Sharon Osborne or Natalie Portman writing a book, but I'm gonna I, you know, Natalie Portman isn't one to like throw her name on ghost written piece of shit. I can see Sharon Osborne. During that, I believe if Natalie was going to write something, I think she don't know if this would be the topics I'm gonna guess that the Natalie Portman one is the lie. You're correct. Yeah. I know my Natalie, but I would love to read that book by now, but apparently Hillary Duff very popular author. According to my reaction, remember, you know, like I said goes written. Yeah. The Kardashians apparently also had a novel. And that's when you that's when they I'm sure Hillard if maybe a little more input than the Kurdish ins, but that's when they. They jump on the phone and the authors like sushi what I'm thinking. They're like what if this happens and the author? Yes, Ansett right there and they talk on the phone for twenty minutes. And then that's called writing a book sounds like a fun job. Okay. Next two truths and a lie. Also about me one I had a crush on the Butler from the Richie rich movie too. I had a crush on shares. Dad in clueless three I had a crush on the king, not the prince from the brandy Cinderella movie. Oh, man. I think you did have a crush on the data and clueless. I don't know the brand new movie you never thought. The brandy Cinderella. Okay. I'm I'm thinking with an old may the first one was ally. No, no, actually as in Barrington as it is. I liked that old man from Richie rich the lie was the dad include. Oh, I have. He's like a little he surprise me that you would have a question. But then he is a little like a stocky figure where you might have into his figure. Yeah. No, okay. What do we got next? Okay. Next. One. The tactic leaf tailed gecko is a type of lizard to the tasseled woebegone is a type of shark three. The fringe Jabber. Walk is a type of bird. I have no come on which is a lie. The bird actually. Iraq. I had a one in three chance. Jabber walk is thing from Allison wonderland. Cool. You saw right through me. Okay. Next again to the I don't know these things this is the last one it can be. No, no. I this is fun. But how many more do that? This is the last one about me. There's one more fun. Okay. One. I can do cart wheel to I once worked at a bible camp three can curl my tongue. I don't remember Tommy ever worked at a bible camp. I would be I've never seen. You do a cart will either. I'm pretty sure you can curl your tongue is that really that hard toretta -tory o- only certain people can do it. I think you probably can I'm going to say you never worked at a even though I know your mom like works at a church and stuff. I think she probably never made you work at the bible camp. Because I member you've had you've told me a lot of your jobs. I believe it or not biz godless heathen spent a summer working viable camps. What can you not do? You can't do a cartwheel. Oh, I know. I feel like I'm I always say I'm not this price because we used to like practice. Our sketch are sketch shows Gymboree, and I would be like doing jarring bull. I would be doing all these things and yen come to think of it. You never did any Cartwheel's. I can't breathe hair. And I can't do cartwheels. I always say missing those two female genes it happened. But I hope to learn both, you know, that's all you can't do you're in a pretty good spot. I suppose all right. Final round. This one is themed around children's books. A number one press Hilton wrote a children's book about a boy with pink hair. Number two, Quinton turn Tino children's book about a cowboy that has a bad day. Number three, Spike Lee children's book about badly behaved babies badly behaved baby's, okay. I believe. God, this is hard it. We so weird of Quinton Tarantino because he's known for murderous, very violent movies. So I would be shocked if he wrote won't, but then I don't. I am sure pres- hill and probably wrote one about pink hair because that's pretty okay, I'm gonna guess that the Quintin. Oh, one is false. You did a good job game. Yes. But once again, I would love to read that book into children's books. I don't know who'd give I mean, that's how that had a bad day. Yeah. But when you're known for your very, violent material, I'm not sure suppose that that's a natural fit suppose. Guys. We hope we've could up this reason because that is it for this week's this is why you're seeing podcast check out our book, it's available Amazon Barnes and noble. Gotten audio book on audible, and you can get hooked up with discounts from all of our sponsors for fullest of our sponsors. The codes check out our podcast page on. This is why you're single show dot com were also unsocial. So you can follow us on Instagram Twitter at your single show. You can follow personals. I am at very dactyl on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Laura lane on insta-, and I'm at Laura lane rat on insta-, and I'm just at Laura lane on Twitter, you can like inscribed on I tunes and thank you so much for listening to next week for home new show. Bye. That was a Hickam podcast.

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