Episode 91 - Sayonarasville
Disodium. Congratulations is brought to you by the cash shop. You already know the cash shop is the number one finance app on the app store. What you might not know is that you can also put cash up in your wallet with the cash card. It's got boosts. It's got great safety features. No credit check needed to get one. So that's good. We'll talk about this more later on in later on in the show, download the cash app for free on the app store or Google play market. Now. Crazy. Crazy crazy. We're here you guys and I thought we would start off the new congratulations episodes since last episode was. We got the new, we got the new sharp Shannon. Sharpe has a new, not new, but it's it's a other means that I was alerted it to the show me more. He's just going. I mean, he is a cartoon dude. That guy's awesome. I know I talked about it last time, but when he goes, well, we'll we'll, we'll unbelievable. Let's let's here we go. Here we got here at this. Like, what is he doing. Whoa, whoa. Dear. I love Shannon. Sharpe. I wanna be fucking friends with that guy. Dude. He would not like me, you know, he'd be like what you'd be really annoying. You know, he be like, wow, man, you'll be a mad annoying, and I'd be like, well, and he'd be like, no, no. Well, we'll, whoa, don't do that. So, yeah, dude, we're here, man. I was in a fuck and nother country. I was in another country dude. Since I seen you last I've been in another country. Do that's how fucking disrespectful traveling all on your, like? I'm fucking common, San Diego, dude, like fucking Carmen sandiego. Everytime I, when I posted a meme, how millennia Trump looked like spy versus by everybody goes like this. Nah, she's Carmen sandiego and I just go, Nope. She's what I said. I don't like when I eat something and then somebody else. Tries to be funny and back to it and like, I don't know them and they're just like, yeah, but also what about this? You should have said this and I just go like this. No, what I said. I just go. You know, he's like forty eight and he does that. That's amazing. Dude, I can't wait to get older older and just fucking be. I feel like the older you get the fun year. It is the more you do dumb shit. You know, like if you're twenty and you, the dumb shit is funny, but if you're twenty if you're forty five and doing that same shit, I mean, that's hilarious. Dude to be like dancing in a supermarket in your twenty could be funny. But if you're forty five, forget it. No, that that that third wall is the best or the fourth one, whatever it is you know which one I'm talking about. Anyway, I was in another fucking country due disrespect. Daddy gets man. Now. Yeah, I'll do a podcast go to another country, extra paper, scoop that up, and then just fuck and come back. L. o. cool. J song, dude, fresh at the private jet Europe, extra paper scooped add up, dude. Yeah, I'll go to fuck in another country, extra paper, scoop that up. And then I'll flip and come back to LA dude, like date in happen. I'll do that or go to another country like it didn't happen. Anyway. So I'm fucking chilling. I went to Vancouver, whereas I like to call it cuvee. You know what I mean? Just because I'm fucking real specific. I make my agents say cuvee if you get me get gigs in Vancouver, I say where and he's Vancouver and I say, I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about, and I wait until they say, oh, sorry, cuvee. And then I say, sign it all do it, but I will not go to Vancouver cuvee only go to cuvee baby. So I went there and I did. I did a show in Portland, which by the way, more upside down heads than ever seen in my life. So fucking many, long beards with short hair, Portland figured out dude, when you land important and you're like, oh, I can only be in Portland. They got fucking those those circular glasses flannels like reddish beards, they're like not quite Canadian. You know what I'm talking about their up north, but they're not quite big. They're more like the, they're like the fuck in the runt. The runs of the fucking Canadian families moved down to Portland is what it looks like. And they just get wired rimmed glasses and then have to study because they can't chop wood and it's raining all the time. So they fucking there. They stay indoors and just like. Fucking do like smart stuff, you know, because they can't be outside anyway. So Portland was great. I did two shows there can't remember the fucking theater at all because every day is the same day and everything fucking blur together as cool. Probably gonna get dementia when I get older, I do however, remember the show in Seattle and I will say it was in Seattle, even though it was in Snoqualmie which is forty minutes outside of Seattle. But whenever I fucking say online. Yeah, thanks, Seattle. They say no, you in equality. And I say done Matt because I fucked in. You know what I mean? People be like, yeah, but come to Seattle, no traveled, fucking two thousand miles to get there. You travel thirty. If you wanna comment, if not fine. It's okay because it's going to be sold that anyway. Yeah, man, but the show and Snoqualmie was okay. The crowd, the rooms are the room all curtained like every wall had a curtain on it, and then they were like curtains behind me and like a curtain in the back. It was just like the laughter dissipates when there's curtains. If there's if there's hard walls like we got here at the congratulations long, log cabin. Those fucking things bounce off in the laughter. Sounds great. But anyway, but it was a good. It was a fine show and actually paper scoop that up. And then I went to fuck in Vancouver. I'm sorry. Cuvee and I did two shows there at the Molson Canadian theatre. Which was which were great. I love Canada, man, I fucking love can every time I go to Canada. I'm like, how much do I love Canada. So I did two shows their extra paper scooped out to two shows there. And that's too, and and that's it. And now now here's the best part about the whole weekend for me. Okay. First of all, you want to get tickets. I'm coming to Miami, Oklahoma, Fresno. I'm coming to fucking Jacksonville. I'm coming all sorts of places. Go get him a crystalline dot com. Here's the best part about the weekend. Okay. So I wake up Portland, I wake up in LA and I text to my opener. And my tour guy passports because we're going to Portland, I and I figure I don't have to, but I wouldn't. I want to remind these fuck ups that you gotta bring your passport because we're going to end up going to Vancouver, right? So we gotta get in there because guess what? Daddy's going to have his passport. And if you don't have your passport, daddy's leaving you behind. And daddy's gonna go to cuvee baby an extra paper scooped up. All right now now we get to. Now now now I text them that now the car picks us up at my house so they come to my house. I even though they try to finagle that every time they're like, well, could you come pick me up? No. 'cause I'm the headliner you come to me and then we leave from here. Why the fuck would I wanna make an extra stop even though I'm fucking you know what I mean? Extra extra stop. No scoop that up, right? Don't scoop up the extra stop at all. So I text them passports. There did my due diligence did my did my shit didn't have to. Okay. Now. Let me sign up at this appear. So now I. I'm doing that. I go to the, I get, I get, they show up. They work out the merch shit, they do we. We put the merchant the car in the car. And I say, as we're leaving for the airport from my house, I say, guys get your passports, right? And my opener, Mike goes like this. Yeah. Well, well, you know, on the way here I realized I forgot it, but I always keep my my passport card in my wallet and that's good for North America. So it's all good. Now, like I told you to bring your fucking passport and he was idea, but it's all right. It's why I have this in case I forget my passport. I always have this, which is so first of all, so dumb to get to have a fail safe in case you forget your passport. Just don't ever forget your passport. You fucking asshole. If you're going to another country. Okay. So now I'm pissed k. doesn't take much to get pissed messy when I'm on the road. I don't want. I want to be stressed free. I gotta worry. Outperforming now his opener. It's been forty seconds, pissed it mope inner. Okay. So Zach Don covy. Oh, my tour guys. Just going like this. Idiot. Forgets his passport. Why didn't you as my tour guy tried to fuck and make sure that he had his Pat, but so far they're both failing. Okay. So I say, all right, man, guess what's happening if I get in, you don't believe in you to go scoop up my paper. All right. So now. We do Portland and the whole the whole time there's this underlying stress was, I don't know if I'm going to have my fucking hire new opener. You wanna get there to Vancouver 'cause he's not gonna be able to do so I get to. We get to the drive into Vancouver. We're going from Seattle to Vancouver Snoqualmie whatever the fuck and we drive in the driver gets and we get there. I've never driven over any borders ever in my life. Okay. So we drive over the border. We park kind of, we stop rather the drivers like you guys have to stay in here. I gotta go in and give them my paperwork first and then you can come out that when I come out, then you guys go back in. So he comes out and he's like, go ahead and give it everything there. So we go their mouth a little bit nervous. You know he is because you know that he forgot his passport and you know, he wishes he had his passport Kearney says good from North America, so leave it on him. So I go, we get the rudest fucking guy ever there, and I don't understand when people are fucking rude about the border shit. It's like dude, first of all, take it easy. Okay. Yeah, you're standing up a little bit higher. Why are they always a little bit higher too? It's so annoying. All they get up on this fucking step. AM. Why? Who gives a fuck be my level? Hey, guess what? E- probably shorter than me anyway. K. who cares? You still have the control. Step up, step higher, dude. It's like that. Bit Seinfeld hat about the pharmacy, like why are they fucking higher than you anyway? So I do the, we go, the guy's never cracks a smile and nothing. We do it all works out. And and Mike, I told you bro. So good for North America and Jackson. He was right. So we get over and I'm like, all right, good man. Good. Trust me. I'm happy. I'm happy we got over. All right. So we do this show. We do two shows. And then we come back the next day we go, but we're flying back to LA. All right. So we get to the airport and we are loaded up the bags and all the shit we check in and the lady says, passports, and I give her my passport and Zach gives her his passport and then might gives her passport card. And she says, where's your passport? And he says, well, what? That's my passport card? And she says, oh, this is good for Landon. See it says it right on the card. It says on the card. Good for land. And see. Now, let me tell you what that means in case you're listening and you're as fucking stupid as my opener. That means you can either use the passport card to drive over the border or swim over the border or beyond about Kay. So he says, oh, it's good for North America. And she says, no, it's just for land and sea. And he says. And she says, well, look, I'm going to let it go this time, but you might actually have a problem at customs when you get there and. Fucking smile, and I can't wait to be on the other end of the fuck and customs and be looking at my shitty, no shouldered opener and going like this. Can't wait. Can't wait. Cause it's going to be a major told you so. Okay. Cannot fuck and weight and Zach the whole time. Okay. So now. We get to that. Fuck in like electronic kiosk where you put your passport in, you know? And he, he looks at me and he says, we're do. I put this and I said, hey, man, I don't know because we're not traveling. Oh, and he actually said, Lyndon, see what the fuck. He actually said, what the fuck? I thought, you know, we're flying over the land. Eighty idiot air you fuck up. So now he gets these put the car does like you can't put the cart anywhere, man, the passport somewhere. And and so we're going over the fucking thing and they say, well, you go first and they point over to the guy and he's like, I hope I got a good guy. And Mike goes over there, and I see is bitch face, like just like agreeing and being a fucking bitch, just agreeing so hard and saying stuff like, you know, he's calling, you know, he's calling America his home. Do you know what I mean? Just trying to go back home like that's what he was doing. Some fucking movie in one thousand nine forty on just trying to go back home, you know. And so I got there. I got, and we see him go through customs and I was like, looks like he made it, you know, and then Zack's like looks like you wouldn't make them go to the other room. He did detain them and I was like, no, Zach, it says to the gates, he's like, no, the detained in them. So now I'm extra. Matt Zach, because he's not getting what's going on. And also I'm secretly hoping Zach is right because I want them to date him and I'd get through and my Mike's wait in their house like you lucky motherfucker. ANZAC ends like all got through all. And I was like, I knew we got through NYU. You're not act like he was detaining him and he got through. But I was like, dude, I wish you learned a lesson and he's like, I did dude because emotionally and fucking mentally he went through. But when that fucking girl said this says, land and sea, dude, I wanted to piss myself. I want it to piss in the shape of a stray, Leon, my jeans. Yeah, I did. And the guys like you need the passport book for air for the airport always. And he's like, okay, sir, he's trying. He was being so respectful. See, that's the thing I don't like when people are respectful. Look, it says right here. The passport card cannot be used for international air travel. I'm gonna take care. I'm going to take a picture of that right there. And send it to my fucking bitch ass opener. But that's the thing did when people are respectful only when they need to be respectful, that's not cool. Dude. That's not cool. That's why I like Bobby Lee do it. He's the same way he is for everybody. If you met Obama, he'd be like what's up Obama. If you my balls or whatever the far you know. But yeah, people you gotta, you gotta love people who are the same with everybody, and my opener is not. He's respectful to people who are who we need something to, and he's not fucking respectful once he gets to know you. And that's fucked up. Anyway, Landon sick Riddick you'll out. So now we got like an hour and a half, and I see, of course, Alonzo boat and then the airport because I always see Alonzo boat in the airport, and I say, CNN comedian, see each other at the airport so much that even when you don't even stop to talk, you could be like friends with them. Like Alonzo Baudoin's my friend. He was on the phone and I just literally went April what's up and we stop hands. I said, and I kept walking majesty someone, you know there, but you stop, you talked to him, you know. But I knew I was going to see him for Tuesday at the improv, probably anyway, you know, that guy is a fucking killer comic by the way Alonzo boat and I love. I love Alonzo Bodden if you have a chance, go see Alonzo boat and if he's in your tickets, if your city get tickets, look up. So he's also the biggest man I've ever seen in my entire life. The guy is fucking he's like the fantastic four. What's the rock guy? What's his name? The thing dude, Alonzo boat is if everyone in the world fought to the death Alonzo Bodden would come in seventeenth. That's how fucking big and strong. So anyway. So anyway, now we're sitting and we have like an hour and a half waiting for the waiting for the food. And are waiting for the plane. And then we sit down, we order food and this is something this is something that guys do that girls don't do. And this was the shit, dude. I love doing shit like this. I don't like pranks. I don't like pranks you know, I've pranked my opener. I wore the same shit as he did on stage and made them look like a month for combat of, but I don't like pranks. I don't like like my buddy was like, oh, you gotta practice guy do the. My buddy loves pranks, but tried to get to prank semi open. I don't want to do pranks. I don't like that shit. Okay. So one time. No, not one time. Got I can hear myself. So now we're, we're sitting, we order food and we order these fucking chicken Tuscan sandwiches. By the way, if you're going to order something and the word, if you're ever wondering what to order to restaurant and the shit says Tuscan in it, go and fuck in order because I don't know what flavor that is, but Tuscan tastes fuck and good. I swear to God. If something says Tuscan gimme two. So if it's a chicken Tuscan chicken sandwich, dude, go, fuck and get out of here. Get out of here. I think you ever you ever go down on a check and it tastes good, and you just look up and you just say, now that some Tuscan pussy. My fucking data listens to this podcast. You know. So. Under the Tuscan under the Tuscan dude. Have you ever been under the Tuscan sun Albro that's when you get the LS tan of all time. How dope his Tuscany? Is that what it is Tuscany in Italy? Is that what they mean is Italian Tuscan under the Tuscan sun dude. Have you ever seen under the Tuscan sun? Imagine watching under the tusk kids with fucking what's her name? Diane lane, of course on the okay. Let me tell you something. If you thought of the movie the under detest can son movie poster. You if you don't know what it is. Imagine what under the Tuscan sun, the movie poster is there. That's what it is. That's what it is. She's in front of a Brown wall with a picture of outside on it, and there's a guy offscreen handing her flowers. Chick, see that and just go, let's go chick, see that poster and say, is it on Netflix or Hulu chicks look at that and say, I'll get Amazon prime for that. All you need. If you wanna get the chicks fucking involved with your streaming service, get under the Tuscan sun done. Fifty percent already fifty percent of your revenues from chick's get that and the fuck in anything with Sandra Bullock. Even the fucking movies where she played like the net. So what the fuck was I talking about? No clue. What was I talk? Okay, so I got the Tuscan chicken sandwiches, and I say, yeah, let me get a Tuscan chicken sandwich. And then my opener says, yeah, I'll do that too. And then goes three. So we wait twenty minutes takes way too long to get the Tuscan chicken sandwiches. Maybe they needed to fuck and go get them from Tuscany, right? That's the stupid joke that everyone always does. Hey, ordered a burger. What did they have to fucking kill the Cal? Yeah. Okay. So anyway. I get, we get the sandwiches. They're so good, but guess what? They're small and there's not enough chicken in them. All right. So I say, man, my open ROY said, Mike always says, I get, I could get more. I get another one and I said, yeah, let's get another one. We'll get another round Tuscan chicken sandwiches, right? So we do that. And then Zack who's fucking puffing on his jewel, which is knowing his shit anywhere short stood. He wears. She's a guy who kind of guy with shorts and a long sleeved sweater, the fucker you in NWEA. So so now we were waiting for the sandwiches and Zach goes like this. I want to Starbucks and we're like, well, let's wait for the sandwiches. She's not going to get a Starbucks. You want something. I say, no. And he says, okay, I'll be back. So as he leaves, we get the sandwiches the three sandwiches. Okay. Now I eat my sandwich. All right. And Mikey, TIs sandwich. Mike says, hey, man. You think Zack can fuck is going to come back. Before we finish these and I say, bro, I already am ahead. I'm eating half his ex sandwich. If you eat the other half, fuck it. And he says, okay, he says, let's just tell them, we cancelled the order. Okay, and you go, yeah, we'll do that. So we tell them, we. So we eat the fucking they're done. Take the. She takes the plates away. Then that comes back with fucking three, Starbucks, Starbucks, the food come yet here and we go. Now we cancelled it and Mike is so bad at this Mike site. We cancelled it and I'm like, yeah, now we cancelled it. We thought we don't need another fucking thing. And Zach says, yeah, that's true. I don't eat another sandwich and then so we get to. So we eat, we finish, we pay check. We leave and then on the plane were not sitting with each other. So I text on the chain Hazak and he says, I say, I need to tell you something, and he says, yeah, I says, remember. How we set we. We went to order the second sandwiches. There's before we take off and you say. We need to get the order the sandwiches at we ordered sandwiches cancelled it. And he says, yeah, and I said, well, guess what? We didn't cancel them. We, we got here when you're at Starbucks and we fuck it. And before I wrote, we ate them Mike chimed in and wrote this kinda shit ruins my day. We are them. He didn't check his fucking. Kurt dammit. He didn't check his fucking spellcheck. We are them. So he's wrote we and I wrote, no, we ate them. Oh, wow. Mike, fuck. And and I wrote, oh, Mike, fuck and ruined the day. Dude. He ruined the fucking prank. Zac sitting there hungry on the plane after he ate a fucking do it, and we were laughing. We were laughing now that's something chicks would never do. And that's why I like being a guy because you could fuck and. Fuck that. Dude, I ate your sandwich, motherfucker. You went to Starbucks. Dude. Don't sleep. You know what? I'm getting ready to play. You went to Starbucks motherfucker. I know mobile, I ate your sandwich. You'll beats sway chill fit swag. You're seeing what you fat motherfucker. She'll be weightless trying to do it. I know. Sandwich. That's how it should be says, fat motherfucker the first off eight, just eight to can chicken. First of eight Tuscan chicken. And your popcorn. Dude, you got this dude, he got fucking popcorn. She was like, you got fries and she was like, we don't have fries. We have truffle popcorn. No, and he says, yeah, I get that. Who the fuck gets truffle the popcorn as substitute for you should be fucking shamed for even trying to substitute it. And he was a hug it that. And then she brought the thing without the popcorn and says, we're the fries. And she said, well, you mean the popcorn. And then she left and he said, what? And you got fucking trouble popcorn, man. Anyway. We love prank and babies. We love prank and babies. That's what we do. Right? I'm going to do a mid roll here. 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So we ate zak's lunch, and that's, that's shit that chicks would never do magin chicks ordering and then being like what's good another round. And then the girl goes, I'm gonna get a Starbucks, and then it goes like, let's eat her fucking food. And then the imagine that happening. And then the girl coming back and being like, what the heck did an ordering. Really? We cancelled it and the girl would be like, okay, well, that's kinda weird, but okay, I wasn't part of that decision, but okay, consensus, but okay. And then imagine on the plane. First of all, imagine on the plane. They weren't sitting together would never happen. Girls will be together no matter what. And then imagine them texting each other and being like, hey, guess what? Guess what. Rebecca. Let me tell you remember, do you remember when we said you went to Starbucks and we decided to cancel, we said, we decided to cancel the food. Yeah, guess what? We ate it bitch. Anyway, let me get home that's watch under the tests concern. Yeah, do it. But I've always been fucking gangster light that eating people's food. You know, I have always been gangster like that. Dude, gimme. I'm talking about. Because I. Yeah, man, one time, dude. I think it started when I was a kid because when I was a kid we were at this. We had this mobile toy that was this shit. It was just a batmobile is a fucking batmobile was like, DAT bay was Yay big, my brother and I will play with it and we're always fighting over it. Now I, here's some here. My dad fucked up. My dad fucked up royally. Here's how we fucked up. He goes like this, you know what? So they don't fight how many get them another batmobile and they can just play with about mobile. Now you might not know how fucked up already, but I do. I do. So he brought back the batmobile and he said, now, now you got to. You're never fight over again and guess what we fought over the new one. Dude, hey dad, you fucked up. If you're going to get one new batmobile you get to know batmobiles and then you get rid of the old one because now this is of course spoiled brat ship. But the Mattel you something did. Of course, we're going to want to fuck a new one. The other one had like a, the headlights came up and only one king kind of came up and the other one was kinda Janke. I told him I signed. I was like, you that up. And he was like, what I was trying to do is saying, I think that's so you to try to do it like that before it up. You know, it's deeper and deeper issues, sniper, and so. Yeah, I was. We were prepared, man. My dad used to hang my dad used to hold things out like my toys out of the crib, and I will be like just at a reach and we're trying to get him among we look what the fuck you doing. And he would be like, I'm preparing him for life. He can't get everything he wants literally. So now the one time dude, I, as my brother was in his crib, my dad says he has a memory of this and he watched it and I'll never forget it. And my brother was holding onto the crib. Just like this, like. Just hold onto the crib to standing up like, you know, babies always look like they're bussing and not because they can't ever standstill or whatever. And they're just like fucking like this. And so he was holding onto the crib. And my that said, I walked by and just went boop boop and knocked his hands over any fucking fell on his ass. That's what's up dude. Don't put that shit right in my face. I'll knock you down. Dude, I, there is nothing I used to like more when I was a kid, then fuck in making my brother fall down. It was so dick dude. I would knock my brother down all the time. It I, you know what I used to love doing. I, I wonder if there's anybody out there that you that love doing this ship used to love doing this. I used to take the big pillow. I used to take first of all, I used to take the little pillows and I used to rock at them at my brother's head when he started walking and he would, I would love to try and get it. Just got a fucking lunatic. I would love to get it to just like just the amount to where I'd I'd throw it not hard enough, but not too light that it would hit his head and he would like teeter for a little bit. And he tried to catch his balance until he fell down. I used to get that sweet spot till he. We'd take like I to see like how many. Steps she would have to take before he fell down. I think I got to like seven once he was just like, no, no, no, no, what will and then gone, right. So when you got bigger, I used to, I was like all these pillars. They don't work anymore. Fuck that, dude, daddy. Got crafty, I took the fuck and pillars you use to sit on. I I wouldn't take those bitch, throw pillows, fucked down about the thought he was going to get two big. Well, I'm getting the pillows that we fucking sit on bitch. That's what we're doing. We're getting the pillows with zipper on it, and we're gonna rock it those because now I'm big. I could carry those dude and I would rock it those big ass pillows. I'd make them take seven or eight eight steps to cyanide, Ville, dude. That's it. Oh, you've taken a fucking. Are you going? Are you going to fuck in a dude? How about this man? La- not. Hey, how about my? Are you my opener? Dude, you better get your passport card because you're traveling over the border to fuck and cya Ville. That's what you're doing. Dude. That's what you're doing. Hey, take trip head. Get your passport card here. You go have a fucking fun time. Scien NAR, dude, I would fuck. He would take so many fucking steps over to sign. Ours Ville man and he loved it. He would left so hard. Don't get me wrong. Man. I didn't make them cry. One time I did because the zipper hit his. I fucking awful. That's pretty much the last time I did that. My mom got real mad at me. I was like my zipper. I just rock it. The pillows to his head. I didn't know the zipper was gonna hit his eye. She was like, you can't rocket pillows to your fucking three-year-old. Brothers head start getting them so big. I'm using the fucking Bill Parisian. I'm going to throw rocks at this motherfucker. I'm gonna take the whole bed frame and just push it over on them. I love to making my brother fall down how cute was it? Having fucking brothers, dude, how cure kids, man, one with this video of us walking up the driveway and I had a fucking stick and I was like, I'm an old man and my my dad was like, filming. I was, oh, you're an old man, and then my brothers right behind me and he doesn't have a stick. But he was just like, I'm an old man too, and I'm like, man, you gotta get the fuck stick asshole. Like I still look at that tape and I'm like, that's so shitty that he just tried to copy my shit, but didn't even take the fucking like didn't actually get the stick come on, dude, I do the work dude. That's why knocked you out your ass. Over the fucking pillows, bro. You deserved it. You know, you didn't deserve a pillow in your eye, but. I mean a fucking zipper in your eye, but don't don't use this use a stick. Otherwise you're going to go to. You got to a one-way ticket to sign. Ours Ville dude. I loved my brother. I, I love my brother. I got him ready for real life. Dude. You know, if you're gonna come see me, go Krista dot com. And I now on in. Disrespecting you for a little bit. You gotta keep you guys on your toes on talking, and then all of a sudden you had to hear it and you had to hear it, and that's fine, dude because this is this is what life is. You know. Fuck man. Love my life. You know, it's so cool that I get to do what I wanna do. I put out a tweet the other day that I get to do what I want to do for a living. Dude. I'm so fortunate. I'm so happy and I'm so grateful. Thank you for all everyone who ever is come to show. It really makes me feel really good that I get to do this and we're all in this together. You know, we're trying to fuck and built his log cabin and get this going, and I got a call because honestly. The epilepsy questions, because honestly, you know, it gets hard out there. Man. Sometimes you put out a tweet and people fucking come at you and say, like, you suck, you know, as long as I got the fucking going strong, it's on baby. I tweeted shit about that. Rockstar video game thing, dead red, dead redemption. And everyone got so mad. I guess I miss worded it. You know, I was trying to say that. People don't really care if they're tweeting and that's all they're doing. But I realized too after I tweeted it that movements do exist now, I know that, but I didn't really think about it. It is weird how you can. I mean outrage culture is fucking crazy, and it's definitely gone too far, but you can really start a movement just by tweeting. It's fucking weird. You never used to be able to do that. That's why everyone would get away with shit. You know. So, yeah. I mean, people are upset with everything like I was making fun of fucking Takashi on seven, and I started, I say, like, dad, she's so sexy that something so sexy about her, you know, and I started calling her gemology part two. And people are like, hey, somebody was like, it's not bad to be a woman. You shouldn't make fun of dude. Okay. I'm also making fun of his name like I'm just being silly, you know, like you should literally just look at those tweets and just be like. WPRO just look at those tweets, read every one of my tweets and remember. No problem. I love the guy in the background to he has no idea what you're saying. Oh, it's so funny when you realize a guy in the back really Lonzo. Show. You know, it's so funny too because he's, he's actually you can tell in his heart, you hear that. Here that I know that what that is that is a wait is this that guy's a racist he does. He thinks, oh, is this like some black guy thing. Is he saying? And then he'd probably realized that you're saying that ain't no problem, but he was like, oh, is this a new black thing? I don't know about? That's what he's doing. The problem. He's like this black guys doing the black thing that's racist did I can tell bro. I'm good man guys, racist just based off. Yeah, let's start some questions. My baby. Sometimes we get going with the questions. Is that it was that who he was talking to skip Bayless. Have you ever seen skip, Bayless, Instagram, first of all, skip. Bayless. What are you? Did somebody. Draw you. Are you fucking superhero. Are you an author? You'll look at skip Bayless, dude. Skip Bayless. It'll be like he does. He does that thing. Mark Wahlberg does waking up and get an atom and it's like three ten in the morning. Dudes, how hard to skip Bayless have an orgasm. By the way, skip Bayless has an orgasm so hard that he blacks out afterwards for fucking twelve seconds. And then he wakes up and he's just like holy shit, and he's like, turned on the dolphins game. Skip Bayless wakes up so fucking. I bet he wakes up look at skip, Bayless, dude, the way we got to go with this guy when there's only wakes up your wakes up and he goes, I guess. He goes. Like he's excited for another day guys like that are crazy. Anyway, let's start some questions. Skipping Shannon. Just goes. That's so funny. Skip Bayless. I woke up three. Austin Lopez at Austin Lopez. What topics do you get on your pizza brow? You can get a bunch of topics, but we don't get is forgoing any fruit. Fuck this pineapple bullshit. You get pepperoni. I get that and also like to get a veggie shit, I'd like to get the veggie. And then I like also, why are you fucking asking me this cares? You really give fuck what I put on my pizza Pepple Bisbal. You're really gives shit. What am I? What are you a fucking teenage mutant ninja turtle you give a shit about pizza this much. Why is it a discussion? What top is you get on your pizza? Fucking you know what? I get car parts. How about that. All right. What else. People are United. How about when people call dog, wanders lipstick, well, Trevor mess Twenty-three. Well, it looks like that. You know, it looks like that every time I twist my dog's dick lifts comes out, like lips do that. I do. You have to manually do it. I go to my dog and I and I opened and I twist his penis and it comes out. Anyway, I'll never be running for fucking mayor. Oh, I mean come on bro. Look this guy trying to be fucking cute thoughts on people who take shit in a year in bro. What we're are, you go oughta Malla. What are you talking about? Imagine you walked into a fucking like a a Diamondbacks game game bathroom, like where they're playing Diamondbacks and you're just. Gotta take own my God and he's sitting there taking a fuck and rump in a in a urinal just like. He would be doing that, and I would be the fucking skip Bayless. One time I went to piss and I was peeing next to the guy by the way. Let me tell you something girls. You probably don't know this and guys don't talk about this a lot. They don't talk about this a lot, but. You urinal suck. They suck. Do you almost how much piss is on my jeans and shoes because it always fucking. Bounces back it splashes back. Hey, girls, just so you know, guys have piss all over their jeans and shoes always. Always dude. If you see any urinal everywhere across the nation across the globe. Except for in Asia because they in a hole. There's piss lakes under them. You have to literally stand far back so you don't stand in piss while you're pissing. And that is a problem. That is a problem. That is a problem. No. No problem. So, yeah, so it always splash it back. So I always opt to go for the fucking stall, you know? But then sometimes I stand far back and I stood far back one time I did it and the guy goes like this, hey, I was a kid though, and he was a gay man. You want to get a little closer or what like he was all mad. I said, what are you talking about? He thought it was trying to look at his dick, you know, hey guy, that guy you have another question or is that it was fucking bunk. Ask questions. One is not doing his job. What are your thoughts on the Harlem Globetrotters do have you ever see they're the shit, Jack, almost spot tola sit down. The Harlem Globetrotters into ship. They do all sorts of tricks shit. What is it during the all star game or something? I don't know bad. Who are they? What did he do? What was that? You know what the Harlem Globetrotters was such an eighties thing like they probably still around today because they have like home globetrotter purists. But like they had the the ball that was rainbow and the things and they used to do like trick stuff and play trick players. I remember as a kid. Thinking, why don't they play in the real league? There's so much better than regular basketball players because they could do all the tricks as a kid. I didn't understand. I was like, well. Michael Jordan can't do those balancing off the ball things they twist around and do a fucking thing. Don't even try Tripoli for the shit. These guys names curly Johnson. Is there a fucking eighties name more than curly Johnson on believable? They used to holler, go journals and they would didn't. They have like a team that would play against them always. Washington generals, and they would always be like the the bitches. They'd let them play against them. And the Washington generals will be the bitches and hardwood drought fucking work. Hubert auspey. I mean, these names, Paul Gaffney Paul Showtime Gafni they all had names with Hubert. Geese auspey. It's about one geese. Showtime, boo was one of his name's curly boo. So cool for kids, though. Man, kids loved the Harlem Globetrotters. I love the arm. I like basketball, like the Harlem Globetrotters. As a kid. I wanted to be Harlem globetrotter. The acting that they do like WWF. But anyway. I think they're cool man guys like that. Have fun you. That's what sport should be Thuc all competition. You know, did you see the Rondo and Chris, Paul, dude, how sneaky was Rondo when he did that? Fuck. And I thought it was Chris Paul's fault. And then he saw the slowed-down shit that the rocket sent into the officials, bro, Rondo, fuck and spit on Chris Paul. Oh man. What is far into way that movie? I think Tom Cruise did that once in that movie, but Rondo, fuck and spit in Chris, Paul and Chris, Paul put his finger in his face by the way, Chris, Paul don't do that punch bro. He was so mad, you know what to do, I shouldn't. I shouldn't punch, but I'll push my finger in his face bro. You should have punched him as hard as you possibly could. Have you spit in his face because it would've still been his fault, man. That's crazy. Dude, Rondos sneak, fuck, you know for doing that and yet is the best part was to when he spit he had his hands on his hips, like he was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not a problem. And then Chris Baldwin. And most is finger and was that okay, Evan crow, -ther at kroth, underscore, Evan. How about frenemies. Yeah, I go to my podcast sometimes because you fucking disrespectful to you, but and that's being respectful. You know, that being disrespectful is being respectful because me being true self. How about frenemies that's saying is so dumb. What does it mean your enemies k. is that what you mean? The guy said like just enemies, right? Yeah, I guess, or is it like a friendly like. Ribbing thing or is like, you hate somebody, but you've got to keep them close what even is a friend of me. That's a stupid thing. I don't like when people words together just 'cause they rhyme or whatever, you know, like what's another one like that. You know what's like that fucking when girls named Ashley think it's cute to call themselves smash -ly. Oh. Yere. Smash Lee. You know how many dude, if your name is Ashley and you and your friends go used, smash, Lee, get new friends, and if it was your choice and your life. Yeah, dude, smash. -ly. So not cute and original. Also. How long you to do that for. Expected any motherfuckers I'm not getting enough oxygen that's for sure. I just added to show in San Antonio tickets on Christa Leah's Kristalina dot com. Got a second show in San Antonio backing up fucking Brinks. Truck, dude. Oh, shit. Where's the Dunbar? Where's the Dumbarton truck. Got some Las Vegas shanty nez. Got so coming up Windsor Ontario, San Antonio. Farting on you, mother fuckers. You understand me straight up. Fuck farting on you. Mother fuckers. That's it. That's the only questions we got. Well, we may end early man. You guys are fucking group of babies, but I'll tell you what, though, you know what it is, man. It's like every episode sometimes going gonna be a longer than are sometimes not going to be long hours sometimes going to be sure I've been out, you know what I mean? Often. But I love it. Did I love you guys. Tells them stories of kick it. I guess we'll finish up dude. It's been fucking over fifty minutes. You know, represents short darling. How about a guy that calls a girl, darla, sweetheart, sexist. All right. I'm going to head on out of your download the cash app free on the app store or Google play market and to rewards code. Congrats get five dollars and give dollars two times up. Follow the leader, buy tickets on Kristalina dot com. New dates for two thousand nine hundred announcing soon. We've got some merch, there's been flying off the shelves, so go get some merch and represent the cult here and subscribe rate and review the show. It really helps also. Download my app. You can go onto abs- store and just download Chris typing Leah, and you get the app. You get to see the podcast before anybody else. So thanks guys. Videos, go up every Tuesdays Wednesdays, and that's what's up. Great. I remember. We're going.