BONUS: Get Real: Round Table Talk with Tyler and Hayley Hubbard On navigating marriage, parenting, careers, trusting God,
Hey all this is caroline hobby. Thanks for checking out the bobby bones. Show podcast since you're here. I wanted to share an episode with you of my podcast called get real with Caroline Hobby each week I sit down talk with the wives of your favorite country plus other incredible women. I'm married to country. Music Artists Myself Michael Hobby from thousand horses and recently I had Tyler Hubbard. We're from Florida Georgia. Line on the podcast with his amazing wife. Haley along with my husband Michael and around table talk. We talked about secrets for making time for each other in the midst of busy music careers plus we dive into parenting and how guys view versus women and how we work together and so much more. I'd love to come and check out. More episodes subscribe on Apple. podcast listen on iheartradio or wherever you get your podcast right now. Here's my episode of get real with Caroline Hobby featuring Tyler Hubbard his wife Hayley and my husband Miami uh-huh in she just said Noah Orange County pretty cited podcast miniseries. Doc Roundtable talk. I'm just calling around. Talk is not technically called round table. Talk but it's not just me sitting down having a one on one interview with one person talking about their lives and all the amazing amazing things about their life. This is more about a conversation about real life stuff going on currently in this moment. So I'm kicking off with my husband. Michael Goes joining me so excited. And then Hayley and Tyler Hubbard and we are having the realist conversation ever talking about marriage. We're talking about career. We're talking about babies. We're talking about babies affect marriage. We're talking about God. We are Louis talking about it all and it's real and we're honest and were opened. And so I'm I'm very excited to share this with you. Guys here is my husband. Michael Kaley in Tyler Hubbard and myself. Okay Hi everyone. Yeah so this is a first. But I've done my podcast. It's a couples podcast which is really exciting and my husband is joining me. Do do how do you feel nervous. Michael we've really been talking about personal things lately so I might as well share them all with the world right just just like getting to the core of ourselves. That's what I hear. The core of Michael Caroline Hobby. Right now we have helium. Tyler are have rejoining us in this. podcast idea came about because Haley texts me. And you're like I think we should really talk about some real life stuff and I was like I think we should do and then of course like give me a tiny little nugget. Let's just do a podcast is like going dude immediately and share all the things and here here we are and we made it happen within like week I know brought about so. What inspired you to want to like talk about some real stuff? You know I think just with our girls uh-huh texts that we have going on it just so nice to have everyone to lean on and get advice and help share advice and just kind of circulate all all that all of our fears and excitements in victories in life and so like let's share that with other people but I think those are walk that we really like okay. We need to do this. We need to make this happen. So we're all like Mike are new parents. We have a seven week old. We've been two weeks behind. Can you guys with baby Luca. Now you'll have two kids. You have a two month old and almost. She is live two years old to and I think that's what encouraged us to join this. Mom's MOM's group are walk are walking group. Because we're all just like in the trenches trying to figure this out how to navigate marriage to navigate babies how to navigate careers and it's just overwhelming. Sometimes I mean marriage is a whole nother ballgame whence you put kids into the mix as we all know I mean just be good to gain knowledge and share knowledge in that department. So how have you guys navigator marriage starting with live with like eight. What was your love story like? When they had to draw meat was instant? And did you know right away that this is the one what tyler shares. y'All trying to make this short and sweet but we met through a mutual friend. Initially we were just kind of friends and we were hanging out and so much to the point where highly was on the set me up with her friends and I'm like Nah I ain't really feeling that way. anyways we we were hanging and one thing led the next and after a few months of kind of hanging out I was on the road at the time super-busy so we weren't hanging out a ton but Ended up. We had a one night at one of our friends houses and Those Dula I and I remember that day because that was the first night that Haley kissed me Haley Haley. Just you just play still debate to the story but that was kind of the night where we've other something here so we ended up hanging out quite a bit Shortly thereafter I. I think we both felt something special and kind of knew pretty quickly. You know this was leading somewhere and Hayley was moving to California a few weeks after for that and that was her plan she already had a roommate in a room setup and that was it. Yeah let me tell the story. They forgot that was when we were actually. That was supposed to move. Was the first thing that we can wrench in it. Yeah so yeah then I. I told her speaking time was you should pray about it. So that's what I tell her I don't I don't think you should move to California. I think you should to pray about it and I was kind of kid but at the same time I think she took me serious and actually thought about may not have really hadn't prayed about this so kind of went home and prayed about it. Ask for a son on and she was signing her Lease on her apartment at work in her boss came up to or behind her and told her that he would double her salary. She was staying Nashville so they really. Tom Pretty pretty obvious like that. You know thank God humor too so good deal so yeah right chained up quitting her job but just using that as a sign to stay in Nashville and you know we hung out a ton and show were there after. We were We were engaged and getting married six months later and it was it. Was You know I think we both need pretty quickly. It wasn't love at first sight. If you will bill but it was definitely you know love pretty quick and we some special so yeah. That's kind of that's kind of short version of our low store and Yeah that's pretty cool. I mean obviously it was something special because Y'all just had one kiss like you're saying Eva's has been a real good kiss. 'cause y'all really started dating yet. It's fresh fresh. Yeah it was fresh but like I said we were. We were so busy that In because she had just quit her job she was kind of in between jobs and I was selfishly. I like hey where you want to. Just come on the road with me and when I'm home can we just hang out all the time like we were together pretty much every day after that. So you are. You're not going on. We had just gotten a bus we were sort of past the really really roughing stage like the double. Washy probably wouldn't join me on the road but we were definitely we were sharing. Earn a buck for for a while. We also twelve dude on the bus so probably being there so you get to know each other quickly. You know I'd say six or eight months later. We moved in to the same house together and Just to save money need to be honest and then realize how amazing that was and Yeah ask her to marry me pretty soon. There after talked about raising kids at our farm and how amazing isn't that was going to be and then she told me about after we got married she didn't want to beat the Forbes so funny but it was all it was all for the better anyways now that we live in town it's really convenient. And we have the farmer getaway to and that's started in the country together and that's when I learned that men do not take hints. You have to communicate clearly to them because I told tyler when I was ready when I when it's moved to town that I'd been hinting for the last year and a half that the farm and he was like well. This is the first time I'm here and Kate Hints. So that's true at that that point. That was my my turning point and actually really communicating. What my needs are to him? That literally was like a moment for you. Mark Time Like I've got to speak up and say it directly what I feel. Yes because I just thought people under could read my mind because they do say send towns feeling but that was not the case. I mean obviously no one can read minds so I've worked on expressing my needs and was that something that does that. Come natural for you to express your needs or did you feel you had to like work on that. It's still something I have to work on be conscious about. I'm a two on any Graham Helper. Yes so you probably put your needs last and you see how you can help everyone else. I probably specially the ones you love the most. What are you on any room three? That's an achiever. Maybe seven seven which is the enthusiast four. which is the romantic? Okay so I think that's great. We all of your. We actually tried to play any again. Any game failed Rowley Guardian. Don't get that off for the birds instagram. So let's talk about that like how a your personalities Mesh because we'll talk about ours too because obviously I know I know ours. A WATT and but we'll share that but how does an achiever and helper go together. Socially especially a very busy lives in kids. How do you make that work and communicate? That's a good question for me. I've just been really focusing on and she helps me achieve overachiever pain. I don't know no actually You know I think they need. Graham is interesting because you know. I don't think it's it's the end all be all. I think it's a cool a cool way to help understand he's other personalities but I would say overall we're just a really attain and that's kind of been and are are saying since we got married as a team and we're But but it does help me understand you know qualities. What is about highly that that helped me communicate better with her and vice versa But overall I think I think we're just a team. This is a terrible answer but maybe next question so okay because I do think especially now at your marriage like when you've been married for a while having kids how do you feel like what. How do you feel like our team? Dynamic is your organizer organizer and Scheduler which I love. Default was the sheet Michael's like Sydney Day sheet of what I need to do for sunny today. I I work in that type of environment. I mean team was just being a good team. We just work well together and we move move while together new you let me be me and your flexible schedule. And you're not. You're not sentimental about things you know it's like you. You know a birthday like you celebrate it but early anniversary like you're really like well everyday's in your Valentine's Day is every day. Yeah like we. Can you know you're just laid back and cool like that. Which makes it easier on me? But that's just being with you and understanding like your love language is words of affirmation so and I sometimes I for my birthday. They are Christmas. I'm like you don't have to give me anything but please write a three page letter like thank. You didn't take some time. I want you to write out specific things that you love. It's not just your great at long long list a minute. That's all I want but I don't like a quick breezy card. I want like a thoughtful car where you have like specifically listed things that you love about me and noticed one day we need to get together and with a plan to write a song instead just right. We'll spend three hours and just write solid work to very specific specific song that is totally directed. Milwaukee uh a thousand percent than we could do that Out Daily plan okay. It's my it's her birthday. I'm you go get the card. I'm going to write the card. I don't want the car to have been planted by Assistant. I want to be caught up. You know well thought out and I do think that is the different. I don't know some men may be super sentimental. We first got married started dating like I would drive to where you were in. Put a card in your windshield with all these thoughts and you didn't even care like you didn't even go to Sweden but you could have cared less. I just thought it was sweet and you read it. Well it's really nice about me. I like quality time. Yes Over any of that yes all about quality time and I don't gifts gift like you don't have to give me gifts or anything but if you want to you unlike you want if you want to buy yourself because you're only like things your little things remains like getting picked up from the airport. Hey you know okay so tyler you said you are song yesterday about Haley. What inspired it in was the song about It's called invisible. Is this what you're dancing to live. which was the cutest thing ever? I'm Oh so cute. She made Monday. But it's just the concept except sometimes like you know I'll be in the spotlight a lot of times people forget that how viable and you we know for me. I just WanNa make sure I remind Haley on a regular basis like you're the real star in this situation like all I do is sing songs or go write songs or whatever but to me. You're like the you're you're the rock star in our relationship and and sometimes it gets overlooked and I do like just a good reminder. You know on the main to to make sure she knows that 'cause it's It's important and and everybody around me to know that too like I don't know just a big part of our dynamic and I would not do. I am anywhere close to who I am without highly around. So it's just kind of that the idea behind that a little a bit. What are some things you love? Most about Haley. The first thing I was really attracted to highly about was attracted to Hayley to it was her overall kind of aura. How she so relaxed and calm into that and just handles herself with grace like even where I might be all tied or like anxious or like you know not nervous really per se but I would just anytime I get wound up highly? And she's just so calm and just like nothing breath and faces are bothers her and she's soft spoken and it's just good energy so instantly like when I first met her I was like man. I love being around this girl. And she's just she balances me out really well oil and I learned so much from her So that's the first thing and then as I got to know whereas a lot of things that I love about her I love how she loves is people so much she is a genuine helper. She wants to help everybody with anything Even if they don't want to work on that a little little bit but she's just such a loving person was such a big heart and wants to help people and So yeah that's the first. The two things that come to mind is just and now having kids together washing her mom is like just fall more and more in love with her but initially that was the hour things that I really was attracted to was just kind of her overall own how she carries herself. I second that Haley you are the most host relaxed laid back person. I have ever met your so calm like the word I would use for you. Just calm and peaceful just just very peaceful in. Where does that come from? Thank you thank you guys and tearing up. Just let it out. We're hormonal. We can try anytime we all these emotions you know. I think deep down it stems from just this innate knowing that in that God's got everything under control and I would say that's probably the root of it Just like okay how. He's not really a big deal in the big scheme of things. Where did that faith in God so strong come from from such a young age? I don't know I just I don't know I the thing is just in me. Holy Spirit whatever you WANNA call it. That's awesome I don't know it just It's part of who I I and I guess I've just tried to kind of laugh things off and try not to make things such a big deal just interject a little bit. I will say some of your biggest influences influences are like from your mom Mama Kim as well. He's very I mean I would say your parents have a pretty calming or about them too. They're pretty relaxed taxed and they're pretty easy going and they kind of have a optimistic outlook on life and then probably her second her second second family I would say it is a lady named Kim. WHO's the same way? I look up to her so much. She's just so graceful and calm and uplifting and and Optimistic and just good people to be around and I think that's the has the have a pretty big influence on you and that's a choice. Do you make just talking about that this morning that you wake up some days and not everyone just feels super positive in happy every morning. It's definitely choice. You have to make him to be intentional about it every day. I'll say you do that better than for me than I. You have a natural tendency to get super emotional about stuff and I could fall down a rabbit hole of feelings like I could really really just like an just seek into my feelings. Live at the bottom of them. But you always find a way to spin it like you'll always spin it and you'll find in a positive way to do something and how how do you how do you do that it. What did you find that you know? I think it's like Haley said it's like wake up every day and you make a choice you know even when things aren't going your way or you know you're frustrated you just. There's a reason why you're frustrated. Is he just kind of. I always try to get to the source of that first and then easily overcome it and then you look. Gratitude is a huge thing. I mean if you look around you know you got a roof over your ahead get you now. We have a daughter so it's like there's a lot a good to focus on opposed to just a moment of frustration or emotion Russian. In my opinion. Like you've always been that way. Yeah I've always been a pretty positive person and never it's like as cliche is. The one door closes another one opens type thing. It's it really is true in those things happen for a reason and I think navigating those things is the most important way with a positive attitude. And you'll get your best results so I mean life's pretty good when you talk about this because I know this is like a new thing talking about lately and I'm just going to help you open this out you recently posted about your brother. Sure he passed away. And that's been a really really hard topic for you to talk about in the past and but you're wanting to talk about now and like view you view it in your viewing it in celebration. Yeah we always have. It's just share. You know I don't want to go into a room and be like hey guys will get to know me. It's just a part of my life. That is a painful portable but also a happy part of my life. You know everybody's suffered loss in some way you know how you cope with that deal without probably is why you know. I grew up there being positive because I was always positive in that situation because you had to be plus a kid you know I just wanted to play the money you know. Ride four wheelers. That was what we wanted to do. So we didn't look at it. You know I think what what hit me. Most this year about it is now I have a child and like looking get her and then finally feeling what my parents not feeling what they felt but I understand understanding a little bit more of like Holy Shit Shit like what did that do to them like. We were kids you know so. I think that's the timing wise. This year is why and it was twenty years ago. Tapie flew by the. That's where I felt the need to express it because people always go understand. I understand it's like you don't really because you've never been. You're right now that we have a child it it just kinda hit me a little harder. You understand more than you didn't before well you said now you understand more. Your parents are coming from what I can imagine. What their perspective perspective of what they felt you you know on a big level trying to keep a family together on top of all that you know? It's it's it's just a what a load to carry and a lot of people stay together and the grow do something like that in those couples and families. Just disperse. Yeah yeah so I finally understand stand both ways We have more forget like forgiveness and grace grace. Jeez yeah totally and everybody deals with things differently so not too bad. Try but you back off what you were saying. I think the having the heart of gratitude attitude I forget the phrase but basically is really impossible to be to be unhappy if you can maintain a steady Eddie gratitude. And that's not saying like always being happier all are never looking at life in a negative way but but we play the gratitude game which sounds really silly but a lot of times sounds like Hellebuyck. What are you grateful for in? So I'll have I'll have to think stuff which is not that hard but at times it's like why am I wanna feel this way like and then almost instantly the gratitude attitude brings you out of that and helps you get a perspective of like okay. I have a lot to be thankful for You know there's no there's no reason to to be pessimistic in this situation or whatever so we've tried to incorporate that even with like live and stuff like what are we grateful for just to start trying to you know. Plant does Dawson her mind and help her understand the power of being grateful. You know what I mean for for every little fine you know even live in general absolutely. So it's you know helps us shift our perspective a little bit from just being kind of like the second I start start thinking about something in a negative light. That's what I'm like. Okay that's my trigger any to think of what I'm grateful for visit so easy to go down that rabbit the whole thing even loss or something super heavy like there's always like silver lining. You know that you can kinda focus on on or situations to be grateful for and I know we've talked a little bit about that. But yeah just there live in general. I think there's a lot of power in the in the gratitude gratitude you know yes snapshot of your phone and you know it's just it works out how it's it's hard to do. Sometimes a lot of people don't do it you know if it's simple thanks. You know. There's always going to be a big house or a nicer car. More money or success awesome. Somebody's doing this and better than you or whatever. It may be all shapes and sizes. But he's focused on what you have like have gratitude towards it. I think naturally literally you'll be happy and those things grow too you know and I don't know what's going on. I would you great gratitude. Good thanks foods which when you're having something I've been really trying to use gratitude towards lowliest now that we have sunny like I have the ability to let a lot of fear creeps into my life like I could describe thing you 'cause I can just go to like these things. You terrible things that you hear that happen to your like people's children and it's like how do you not live in that fear you know so how how do not live in that fear of sorry either God thing total knowing that Oh you know he's in control and it's out of our control but I think it was a Brunette Brown book and she was saying you know every time you have start having those thoughts thoughts 'cause we all have those thoughts as parents like you think of that for riffing thing that could possibly happen and and even if that thing didn't air it did happen. Nothing's GonNa ever prepare you for that moment so don't worry about it you know that's true. And so that's where she says to shift to gratitude the Tude every time you're looking at your child and you have that that moment where you're like. Oh my gosh. What if this happened shifted to? I'm so grateful I've got this beautiful beautiful healthy child and my family and it kind of snaps you out of it because nothing will ever prepare you for that moment in what you were worried about. They probably would never even happen right. Irrational fears that. We all have natural though that is so such a good perspective in my sister told me that to Catherine said she was like every day she says everyday has to be a good day and then also like why miss out on on enjoying the moments that you have with people that you love the most your children because you're worrying about something that most likely will never happen Bendon out of your control road racer. Then you miss out on your life would people that you love because you're stressing out about something that will Louis. Yeah you're not in the moment and that's ego and that's trying to control and not giving up to God so I guess you just you have to give everything up to God all the time. But how do you stay in that place. The book before Agreements League with your word. They'll take anything personal no fear you're all faiths were. Don't think anything personal don't make assumptions in. There's one more for Sephora agreements if you apply that but at the same time we're all human and it's obviously difficult not to live and or at least have fears or you see your friend get through tragedy and think man how in the world would I get through that or whatever. The case is but at the same meantime I think it's being aware and having that mindset and no man today I feel fearful let me just let me remind myself and ask God to remind let me hey like I am not in control of my life. You know what I mean and right now he has made this beautiful beautiful kid or this beautiful marriage or whatever the case is is in. Let's just leaving this today and not worry about tomorrow so I think there's quite a few times in the Bible where it mentions. Don't worry about tomorrow for it. Has Enough words self or give us this day. Our daily bread like it talks about just worried about today. We can't change yesterday and we can't control tomorrow so like just worry about today and then hopefully would that awareness. It can help us all because I think as humans like especially in this culture life breath. It's pretty natural to worry is pretty natural to try to control the situations and you know so I think that's just a good reminder. I think we're all there mentally really so just yeah we just gotTa remind each other and be a support system for each other. Just know when we're having those fears to like you said is give it up to God. I know that sounds so like Sunday school answered but but it's true. You know so absolutely not okay so I have the very softball question Shen that I would like to see what y'all thought about me off your professor so we grew up having to like analyze all of our thoughts. Why I look at Sonny? Luca in live in their these thrash lives that have just come into to the world. There's still so close to heaven you know like they're closer to heaven. They are to Earth right now is like I look at. What are you know about the other side you know like and why? Why did you come here like I I think to myself? Like what is it that she is wanting to accomplish in her life or experience. Like 'cause I personally believe that like spirits we'll have spirits and souls and like were in this earth to experience something because then we're all going back to the other side to back to heaven back to God so it's like why I did she choose to come here like so. Why do you guys think we come to this earth like why are we living? Why do we not just all stay in? Pierre Positive Heaven. Why is it that we come to this earth experience that turned to tyler? uh-huh does that when the hard question. That's a good question. I think that's a difficult question but at the same time I think it's simple and as you know for what we believe in for our faith and what I've been learned lately is kind of going back to the one day at a time. Live a simple simple life and you know what our ultimate goal while I think as humans were all built in made no matter what you believe. We're here for connection and I think we're here to connect with the other. Humans and connect with God and the Bible says again to reverse the Bible says our number one the calling is to love God and love people and so actually think it's just as simple as that thing. Is You know to kind of sum it up. I I think it's just love people into love God and to connect and obviously there's a lot of layers under that and there's a lot of confusion Asian and a lot of you know the twenty twentieth century. I think there's a lot of fog. Ns around what are you know what our purposes and all this and that and I think we as humans is also we put we put we wrap a purpose around a career or a rapa purpose around a relationship when we wrap purpose around you know a dynamic with a family or anything like that and we say well. My purpose is to be a good dad. My purpose is to be a husband and my purpose is to be a song writer or artist and you have pets fry. But I don't think ultimately all this all that's just the fun activities along the way or you know. I think I still think all that kind of ordained signed by God and I think that we're that is part of our purpose but the ultimate purpose I think for us being on earth is especially as believers is to love God into love. Love your neighbor to show them the love of God so I don't know I think that's at least that's for me. That's that's where I kind of try to go back to try to get keep that perspective on a daily basis especially in our busy crazy life where we think so. Many things are important. This is important. GotTa take this meeting to write this song. Got Us on this artist. GotTa do this play. These shows better to Donna's like man. Let's not forget the big picture here like ultimately when we pass away when people are at our funeral talking bass what do we want them talking about. How will we love people in my opinion and not how many songs we wrote for how many shows we played or how much money we made? I think it's I think that can sometimes sometimes turn into turn you know distract us from the ultimate purpose totally. Yeah having that human experience is I agree with him. All that other stuff is just you just do and stuff you know yet. Being Nice to people love one another and give to one another and you know like I said it's like it all just kind of feeds itself and I get. I get reminded of that often. When like I'll just take time to go have coffee with someone one or maybe like help somebody out off like it's just like Oh this is Anita day-to-day and I'll actually go do that and I feel so fulfilled and so whole and so so that was the best stanhood today and maybe it didn't maybe it didn't pay me or maybe it didn't you know maybe I don't have anything to physically physically show for it but made my heart was full and I can tell? That's what my purpose for that day was and so I think just keeping that perspectives is important and yeah. I've just been reminded that often lately just through little experiences and things I've had it's just like okay like although I try the to strike this week. Probably constant strike right totally. Why do you think we have to go through painful experiences? Why does that? Why is that such a part of this human existence? Why do we have to fail? Why do we have to feel pain? Wise that essential for us as humans. And why is it. Inevitable won't be but that's the way this whole life has been designed of course five lead higher power to me when I do go through hard things things. It helps me have empathy for other people that are going through hard things and I find myself when I do need to be there for someone else. I refer back to to the time when I had a really difficult time and so empathy and the the But again I don't I don't know I don't you know it'd be Nice if God put us in a perfect world and there was no pain and there was no sadness and there was no but then again we'd be living in a row very robotic world. Wherever will what did you learn? I mean when you when you go through pain you go through hard times. You're always learning something and it's always a fake building for me. It's it's a lot about fake building. You know what I mean and actually having to Lean on God and trust him in no man we as humans can't even wrap our head around what gods do and like we can't even begin to fathom like his ultimate purpose and plan and I think I think it just creates a demand for Jesus to be honest you know the hard times in life and and the way that he can give us peace. When there's no reason reason to be peaceful or or you know what I'm saying? Give us a comfort in Tom's. If you know Thomson need or times of pain and you know for me me. I've experienced that in a few times in life. Were just like okay God like I know you're here I know you're with me. I can feel I can feel you comforting me giving me peace and letters that I I it just. It's hard to explain but it does feel like okay. I should be so upset right now and I am sad but like like when I lost my dad I feel like it was a moment where I kinda prayed right after our God like I need you right now like hardcore and I'm either going to go this way. I'm going to go that way and I really WANNA. It's usually when I really wanted to go this direction. So help me out and like I prayed that prayer almost instantly and I could truly feel like almost out just almost smile all about it and it lasted for a while and it was still a journey for sure especially like months after that you know of just the healing process and the grief and all that but I could just feel God with me and I think to go back and kind of talk about what Michael is saying earlier about being a parent right now. I feel like you can kind of get the perspective of our relationship with God because it says that everybody on Earth is a child a son a son or daughter of God and to be able to take that perspective now of Man. He'll do anything for me like he's gotten he wants to take care of me. He wants to protect me when when we fallen unheard our knees or whatever the case may be. He's going to be there to help us feel better. He's going to be there to to help heal. But if you didn't follow her knees he's you'd have no need for your dad so I feel like there's a big there's an underlying kind of I think God uses that to draw into him. You know what I'm saying. That also gives us more faith in it. Encourages us to have to rely on him 'cause sometimes I've been there a few times in life where you hit the bottom and you're like look I got nowhere else to go but but but a I mean like I'm GonNa Trust God here and see what happens. I hear I hear you. I hear he's a good father. I hear he's GonNa take care of us and all this stuff so I'm going to test it out ended up any does so the bottom is actually kind of a blessing. Sometimes yeah I do you know. I think it's a it's an eye opening experience for anybody and you. You realized man. I'm not in control. I need help which we all do. You know what I mean and I'm not invincible. All and I'm not as strong as I think I just all those things. It's very humbling. So whether it's you know I think that many different definitions hitting the bottom. But you know you lose your best friend or your dad or your brother or anybody. That's that feels pretty close to the bottom. I had over this. You know what I mean So anyway place. Yeah I think again. I think it's just part of God's purpose and plan to draw US closer to him. I totally agree with that. Think about the father perspective. Like man that's wild. I've been listening just share messages lightly this even like the simplest things like that reminds odds me okay like like as a parent. Now we know like we would never we will never let our kids go out in the cold without clothes on or yeah. If they're if they're doing something we would do anything for kids anything and I feel like to have that perspective and realize man. That's that's what God will do for us and probably even more you know what I mean like. He did do that for us. So it's like okay. Let me just try to wrap my head around this level of love that sometimes we forget about you know because it's not it's not a tangible earn always audible thing right in front of us you know what I mean like. Obviously we're there to wake up every morning and in God's not always done in our living room shake and has to wake up but at the same time Tom. In retrospect I feel like he can. Is You know so if you can have that mentality and know that that's the relationship that is designed between us as humans in Him as God. I feel like it just helps you stay in that mindset totally next about that enough rambling. Yeah so okay. I WanNa talk a little bit about marriage and parenthood did not interested to hear your perspective to how what has been the most eye opening thing that you have learned about your Mayo. Start with marriage. I forget into motherhood and fatherhood what has been the thing that has changed the most in in your marriage in our marriage since having a kid for the better and not worse because none of its worst but like things that you've realised. Oh Gosh I need to work on this and I didn't have to work on it before a child but then also what has been the most incredible happened since having a child within your marriage you know since having kids you do lose a little bit of that freedom but we get closer together at the same time and can you really have to work together and and you know we've hit points where we get to that that low point of like. Oh my gosh. I'm struggling and what do I need right now. Like I need you here. I don't know have you found that you had been being because you said like that lesson you learnt earlier marriages you had to learn how to voice what your needs were. Have you found that you needed needed to do that now. The mom totally. I think just being intentional about what my needs are and what I need. Because I can't expect Taylor to know what to do vice versa and I think being a mom. You just have extra little intuitions that maybe a dad doesn't naturally we have and that they want to help you know they're they're they're wanting to help they just don't know how and so when you guys too but it's different. It's a mother instinct for for knowing what they're needing when they're eating and to the point where boobs tingle when the milk comes in and we're like we need to feed the baby. Thank tangle every now and then so just just being intentional with our time together and our needs and communicating communicating is huge for us and when I stopped stop communicating and I can tell you can what happens. Oh my Gosh I get emotional. Like what's going on. Why am upset? I'm like Oh because I haven't communicated I'm feeling and at least you have wariness to realize that right so you know that now like when you start feeling can you catch yourself. You're like oh I need so then how do you communicate. Do like. Write down your thoughts. You'll have like a family meaning or do you like how does it. How do you take the time to get your needs out wherever ever? We can't let me wherever we can make time for it in our crazy schedule we say. Hey we gotta talk Now I do make time for that talk to you. Whenever you feel like it I feel like trying to fall asleep? You anywhere around bedtime stories or you're catching watching him like sleeping in the brand places sleep pretty good just about anywhere if I'm frustrated about something and he's passing out there. There is no way he's sleeping right now. I will say like I think with kids it. Just it. Requires you to be more intentional. Because there's so many more things are juggling so you know literally will end another sounds a little bit surface level but like for us our calendars or like a really useful tool for us to be intentional. Like if if we stay on our calendar will go check our calendars. If we don't have a date night on the books you know within a week or so that will put it on there and we're pretty good about something on the calendar or on our schedule we're going to we're going to do it. It's almost like our checklist you know and even if we have something that comes up that that we would like to do behind talked about yet we have a little system in place where it's like we'll put it on the counter so we both see it and we'll put a question mark because that means we gotta talk about it before we remove the question mark so that way she adults do something say Titan game on Sunday and she like. We're not going to the Titans Games. Like what did you say that question mark because we talked about it yet so let's discuss it down. Just a complete guys never really happened but yeah it'd be a motocross race or something but anyway so so like just little you know being intentional about seddon little things in place that worked for for each relationship I think is is key and nothing having the kids really makes it extra important. Because you're as you guys know like you can. You can just go weeks and weeks and just be so busy and feel like Manhattan had one second second to sit down with you and have any time. We hadn't made the time you know what I mean like let's payroll calendar. Let's go on a date night. Let's go on a picnic even with the kids but you know just whatever the need is it helps you. It helps you voice that and implement and make it happen. You know I'm trying into make time for myself talking with my therapist. And you've got to get out of the House for thirty minutes a day and just go do something for you and so I just go to starbucks and I start writing a journal and that's like my loan time and so I can feel full when I come back to the house. Certainly I feel like I got my time. I got filled up and I can be my best or try. Be My best for the family. And I'll let's touch on this and then I'll quit much but I will say balance is key like in our life in every week. I look at a week and I said all right to have a balanced week need to have meantime. I need to have us on. Need to have a whole family time. I need to have workdays songwriting days. I need to you know. There's a lot of things but I gotTa make sure I need to have my workout like all the things that make my week hole. According to how much time with God like one on one time God I need you know what I mean so interesting making sure you have it all. You know what I'm saying. And if each piece is twenty percent or so I mean I I can can probably put it all in the five or six categories the. Yeah I gotTa have all that to be a full week into be whole and do not fill out a balance so it Kinda just go look at the counter and we've got a date nights. Got My Wednesday morning. Jesus while government Tuesday Thursday workouts and my wife come on Monday Wednesday or Friday workouts. Boys got the you know two days of songwriting. In writing that eleven o'clock I got a couple of meetings. You know what I'm saying like just to make sure you're getting the and it's also I mean but then at the same time I wanNa have I wanna live a life. It creates freedom so we're not completely living by the schedule so sometimes will literally put in the calendar. A free day where it's like. Don't book anything we're going to. They were the wind blows his day in a mind blowing up the farm dirt bikes. I don't know it might blow Percy Warner Park on high like or we might just. It might rain. We might stay in the house all okay. So I think there's a beauty in that too and you create freedom and create spontaneity but scheduled it. Then you make sure that your balance balance because balance is bells. Yes I love that. How do you think our marriage has changed for the better? Or what have we struggled with James for the better refreshing to it. You know so. We're still it's just now we'll see if coming up for air let's popped up. That has been a strong accent that the other. Why do you feel like has been something that you've had to wrap your head around good in a hard as a new parent as a parent on on upping the hardest bounce selfishness? 'cause like we've been together a long time and the life that we live and think that it it definitely definitely caters to you being selfish and just all about you you know so. I think that's been an adjustment for me with her. Is You know finding that balance of like okay. I mean it kind of comes naturally because you want to be with them and you want you know it's thing but I mean watching you become a mother has been inspiring hiring because you just make it look easy you know thank you it in. That's cool what I'm because I'm really just there to help you know but you've cooked every single meal events events the Nice role. He's become the show Hobby House. You've really eight dance with great wealth You're putting it into food but that's thing if me cooking in you know doing all that helps you while you're feeding every three or four hours and you take the night shifts. I'll take the mornings you know it's like we have a balance of ecosystem that we've just gotten to the agreement worse so we're happy so you were able to get out of the House today for a few hours. Respond sat there this morning. And you know took care of her then and you're you know you're let me out of the House. Okay do tonight when we go to the bar together though is like we do everything together like you and I would always go everywhere together and now we don't think we're we're still adjusting that's going to change for me though is like I used to go anywhere all the time. Do everything constantly. And now it's like really like I have to find a babysitter or higher the night nurse to come which is a blessing that we have these people at our right. I mean you have to really prepare to leave that's so true you back to your calendar and scheduling just. You just got to think about your weeks or months a little bit you know ahead of time and because back in the day there's a beauty about being newly married or just freedom all the time and say man we gotta worry about by this week like Napa. Let's do we want to do that day. And it's it's a lot of fun but when the kids come along it just requires that if you WanNa have healthy you got to be on schedule. Some people subscribe to that some people do. But it's just like well that's I have to make that a priority now version of a little bit of time. You know it's not forever. Yeah I mean we did the thing where we were married for five years before we decided to have a kid we are together ten years we tin. Yeah but when we forever he was twenty one. That's why I'm twenty. Four am older too much fine. Everyone Oh lord got to the point where we're GONNA do now. It's time and I think that's important for people when they get married. I mean you do what you want to do. But I think it's important to have at that time in the beginning to yourself. You know because like you do things like either. Buy a house together. And your career combining all these things and there's an adjustment period because our lives have been used to being us junior mean ah learnt how to weather all sorts of like storms together before we had kids. So it's like and now even if things get really intense or hard or we're gonNA season like right in our very intense season with a newborn but it's like are we already know every single little nook and cranny of each other's personality how interact together so it's like almost I don't worry about surviving heart thanks to you because we've already survived so many hard things together. I will say something that popped up for me. I'll just speak struggle. That had him with the beginning was I felt like you could continue living your life as normal normal exactly as a the mom in like obviously breastfeeding every three hours in like someone has to be there with the baby all the time I felt like I will never leave this house again. I will never be able to get out of this house. You can just leave you know so that was something I had to learn Tau to help it. Did you know that it's not doing it on purpose. But what are you GONNA do. Sit there with this whole day while we yes tyler and like I just need you to be here with me and sit very well. The ten minutes is all you get and then I gotta move but it took me so long to realize that frustration like oh my gosh. He gets to continue his life he gets to go to work gets in the morning. I'm still recovering. Can't work out yet. I'm breastfeeding my body. Is Not what it was. My pants. Don't fit nothing. And so he tells US emotional emotional staff and and we were on tour in the middle of tour. That's true so you just jump right back into being on the road. Yeah and I'm like. Oh I miss being on the road I WANNA go on the tour and how do I get back to that. But it's like how do you write it. It does feel like oh my gosh. What am I ever going to get out but I I mean thank God for our texts that we have going on with the girls and as crucial to have an extra guy so the same having guy friends? You're new to urge dad. A support group of female going through the same things has been so important for me Forgot we do the same thing I mean I've been out to to your farm is like did I just need a needed. This like Haley and I like. We're not going to go to farm all day from morning tonight because we can't wait against like that that I like four to six weeks like a shift in the change and everybody's going through I mean we're going through changes to you and what are you. What was it? Change what and what made you well. It's like this. Is it like that. You're just you you have to have. Everybody has to have a grace period. I think if adjustment to like big live and things like marriage kids kids huge career. Things like it you gotta just. Nobody gets it just like that. I don't think that can be one thing that I that I felt in this Kinda alike just to change perspective a little bit like for us as dudes you have your wife. It's like for the most part you know Alad for highly. She live from it and it was like it was all about us like you said as soon as that baby comes. Mom is all about baby all of a sudden husband Kinda gets pushed society which is okay and that's expected but it definitely takes him adjustment. You know what I'm saying in this kind of art you gotTa have grace on that just like you gotTa have grace on us. That is true. I mean very much so you know kind of at least felt that way where it's like. Yeah like if I'm on tour with me and it's amazing I get to have my my wife with me all the time and you know we love that but as soon as becomes it's like all right babies number one now and so you kinda get and even to the point of like you know Halo would cook meals highly. Do things will all of a sudden. It's like that just takes kind of a back seat. You know what I mean the priorities shift and change and for dudes and we. We don't have enough time or energy to do. We don't expect. Yeah I mean I see it. I'm like you know props to all women who had a baby because it's just Jeez. I don't see how y'all do but at the same time like hobbies said there's an adjustment for you ask for us you know how do you that like that. I have kind of not well. We're leaving in the same bed right now. 'cause I sleep with Sonny's room on an mattress on the floor positively. TV's in that it is truly felt bad that we aren't as like intertwined as we have been the past ten in years of our marriage. You know what's interesting about. US without the other day in. I don't feel anything towards it because to me. It's just that's what it is and it's not GonNa last rush separate that yeah it doesn't it. It's not like I'm like what's going on with our marriage now. It just seems like since the baby's here it's over but fuck man you're raising a kid feeding it every four hours waking up good on you for sleeping in the room on a little Palette you know and doing matt from midnight to six. Am You know. That's but I think he's motherly. Serve Breakfast in the morning for that. It might be because I need to have more faith or whatever but like I. It's like I have. It's fear that makes me want to do that. I'm so worried about her all the time. 'cause she's my number we want you know read. That's very common with a woman in the first child but then you look at like some friends of ours or like my sister-in-law. She's got five. I've got five kids Christmas time. There she was born in April she was just like four weeks. Oh there's kids running around and I was just like where's the new baby and she just late on the floor and the Dan on a worry about it like if she's not gonNa Roll it's just think it all changes how's your. I'm sure it's different for you guys now with a second one in the first one and like you said it's just a chapter. It's just a phase you're going to get your life back that you're gonNA get your marriage. The dynamic that it was a lot more he'll go get my brain back the brains ever coming up is rare win and on. Yeah I forget what I'm saying. It's looked at home I left Michael is the baby. We're always I yesterday today. I was going to get my lashes done because they're trying to like you know. Keep some your girl and I left my go with the baby and I forgot my the phone and I was like oh no panicking. I was like what. If he can't hand something happens you have breakdown in need me. But then I'm like he's he's her dad he's GonNa be fine. You're only capable enjoy the time with. No I know but it is. It says a learning curve. You've been a great. This is Michael Seven. He's always like it's all good pretty good. I think say to and I think you are doing amazing and I think it's amazing to have friends in the same chapter. That's why it's so fun to hang out with like new parents who are trying to bounce it off you know and I will say like along. The same lines is like. I think there's a lot to be said about asking for help. And not being ashamed of that and I don't mean necessarily having a nanny per se thank you can if you have the financial ability to get any. That's is incredible but if you don't I still think you gotta use your resources in your friends and your family around you to give you those days where it's like. Hey guys like like for me inhalers. I go. We're taking two days and we're going on a trip like the babies are GonNa be fun. We'll leave him with somebody. Here's the milk. Here's the deal. Here's how we put them to bad like in just trump's gonna work because trusting. Yeah Trust is hard but I think that's another thing about having kids just. Yeah well yeah I mean you don't WanNa you you don't WanNa go on get a babysitter dot com and just let your baby stay with anybody but I think he your thing but even we're talking about the other day like there's so many of our friends that we love and all her friends of ours that maybe their kids are grown or whatever and I'd love to come over and watch the baby for a day or I'd love to accept their hope exactly. I really think that's you know I think that's important as parents as hard as it may be just leaning gene in on that a little bit with your with your friends and with your family You know our family doesn't live in town so it makes a little harder but I can. I can name five people right now. That would love love to come over in or we could literally drop live and Luca off at their house for two or three days I think and that would be cool with it and So I think that's that's also something to take into consideration as a new parent. It's not saying that it's not hard because I do think leaving. Your kids is especially first time and I think is a mom me personally. I feel I don't you know it's the mom guilt that everyone talks about. It's a real thing and teddy struggle that especially because we you know having any and you know I'll be downstairs in my office and I hear them having having fun upstairs and like oh I should be there or I hear them crying. And I'm like oh I should go do that and I mean I have to kind of make myself be like no. Oh Hey this is what I need to be doing later. It can be present with them But there's still struggle definite guilt that I'm just like oh my gosh I I should be there. I should be making those memories of them. I should take them to the park which we do. But you know and I can't be there for them all the time because then I can't be my best self but it's that constant struggle when I'm not with them I want to be with them and then when I'm with them you need to find time for you. Yeah so just finding that balance again. Just something we're learning. It's it is a real thing to learn. It's it's very very easy to like. Go hard one or the other way you know working moms to like. I have a ton of friends who had newborns and gone back to work and like having to have their their nanny fulltime care. You know it's like but they need to work and so it's just it's just you have to accept so much to the parent and I talked briefly about this on previous podcast my roommate's but like when we ended up choosing having a C. section like. That was a really hard thing thing for me to wrap my head around the beginning because I felt guilty. I'm so hormonal smitten. Cry that like I wasn't having natural labor bailing. No Way I can cry. The it actually is a real topic. Ring Hits a personal I. It's like I call my sister and she was like the faster you can Dan. Sorry busy the faster you can accept that parent is not perfect in like you gotta make a decision and stand by it. Am I know that like they're all fine decisions. You know everything is fine. There's not a wrong. There's not a right and just make your choice. Feel good about it and then don't go back and let the question and that is such a struggle for me to question myself. I in my previous life before child I could just question everything a million I could analyze everything. I think think I used the wrong thing. Worry so much like I should have done this or should not or like. Oh my gosh. This person's upset with me. Because I did this but like I know my heart is good I yeah no. I'm choosing the best I can and now as a parent you have to stand by that and you can't like question. It grew for like saying those things because a lot of times. We have such such negative self-talk. And for you to be saying I know I'm a good mom you know I can do. This is so huge. The mets ca self Taibbi huge. I've recently tapped into self talk. I didn't even know until like this. Year Michael Chandler Donald Michael Chandler enemy fighter sort of for instance. He always talks about self-talk and I didn't even know how bad myself talk was until I started checking in on it tells where the hardest ourselves in anybody. Yes allergist like riddle to myself. I am saying whatever you follow it with Don't follow it with negativity. Check yourself the mom guilt thing is weird to think from our culture and our society. I think it also changes like even with like breastfeeding verse pumping you know nanny versus. There's not having any like all the not working right. It's like man like just just do your best know that you're a great mom and don't don't compare your situations or listen to a cultures telling you because honestly in ten years coaches say the opposite anyways. It's like nowadays. Thanks leave your back before so many things that you could be guilty from refill that you know even you know. I'm obviously not a mom so I don't really know but I- I'll just say just from observing from announced such perspective is like it's real and it's just. It's kind of sad that our culture puts so much pressure on moms and so many expectations. And if you don't do this then you're bad well it's like you said there's not a writer overall of how many months she breastfeed or there's not a right or wrong on a lot of times I should do it in public or not your average natural so anyways autism encourage all moms to do and to have confidence in no. It's different for everybody. You know so then there is no wrong or right wrote it is hard. That's really hard to do that. But I've been trying to lately. My motto is just been kind of to to celebrate the little victories. Even if it's got out of bed and I brush my teeth got makeup on before the kids got up to a miracle. I did it out the door on time and the kids are dressed in those little things like yes we did it uh-huh so it's the little victories. That are actually the big victories. And I've been trying to really just encourage those instead of at the end of the day being like. What did I get done today in kind of being down to myself? It's like no we a lot because sometimes at the end of the day. I really can't tell you one thing I did besides just keep signing alive in theater and like you were there all day. I don't really have the time and wearing the sweatpants I wore last night to sleep like brush my hair or teeth and I'm like well. I'm just expose exhausted busy all day but yeah you have to be alive. That's a huge job. Yeah it and and so we don't give ourselves enough credit for those. Yeah well you guys really hit a lot of time. Oh ooh I like trump every podcast up with leave your light so just leave some inspiration of obviously they were this whole thing's inspiring. We're talking months bar things but like how do you want to inspire people to let some wisdom on people just to spread some light. Here's mine just that. Hit me right when you said that this kind of along the topics of what we're saying but I think whether you're parent whether you're not whether you're remarried whether you're not you know wherever phase alive. I think there's a I don't think we give ourselves enough grace. I really think that's that's important. Because like you said the self talk and all that stuff like you can be so hard on yourself so I think is just giving yourself grace a main if Jesus can be can give us so much we give it to ourselves. You know what I mean. Give cut ourselves some slack. Every now and then and don't be so hard on the self so there's a a little light negative for either I guess mine would be Just to I I guess we said this before. But just remember that God's in control and to just take that weight off of your shoulders so true and and just live your life and enjoy it and not be fearful. Because he's he's got us. That's so hard not to do so true so hard. It's yeah you just have to constantly remind yourself l. from that every day. It's this amen to that I guess mine will be comic said before this is my personal struggle. Is this owning my decisions. Like trusting myself and trusting my instincts. Socially now's a new mom like a half did house instincts so I would say like trust your intuition. Trust your instincts and know that if your hearts in the right place and you're doing your best then don't go back and over analyze it and beat yourself up just know that like you did the very best. She can do what you felt like you were led to do and then you have to let it go. They have to do you got this thing. I Tyler the grace thing. I think that's really important but you know one thing always try to do. Every day is say thankful for things that I don't have anything for Thanksgiving. Do you speak that out loud. You speak that all in and then find gratitude not at least once a day take a deep breath and find gratitude and something in. It'll change today but yet I'm always been a believer that you know your journeys it's not someone else's your you know what I mean your own your own path and plan so something doesn't happen for you don't mourn over it gets move onto the next thing but just just be thankful for everything that he puts in your life and got takes out of your life because that's the way it's supposed to be totally awesome good. Well I just want to say before we get finished here then we look up to you guys. Some guys are incredible parents and incredible friends and incredible people. And so just encourage you guys a little bit. We Love Y'all so much to you guys a lot and thank you for having us on your podcast at Y'all credible examples of all things. Thanks very inspiring. So we're grateful to have you guys in our lives. Thanks for sharing your heart on this podcast native coming on. Hey thanks for coming on okay bye.