THE LOCKDOWN #11 - Finding Love on Craigslist
Speaking of which real quick off the top. I've got a bunch of shows coming up. It's crazy it's called crazy. Woke Asians crazy. Woke Asians virtual comedy festival. It's a May eight through eleven so it's that weekend. I'm on the Sunday show so you guys can catch me on this Sunday afternoon show. Hey you know what happened? Mosa please welcomed the host of the lockdown. It's danger and number twelve and welcome back to another episode of the locked Now Hosts Zach. Danger and I am number twelve. What's good today? Is April Eighteenth Twenty twenty. I am still alive and so number twelve. I am alive but I can no longer be called what you would call a human. Yes yeah I feel that? I've been getting heavier. I don't think fatter do you? I just I mean I don't work at Albaro. So maybe that's what it is. Have you just push ups? You know some push ups and said I just feel heavier and just gonNA show somebody so? I'm going down going down to Florida so I can shelf my body because those people opened up their beaches like fucking idiots inferior me so much this morning when I saw that crazy. You know what's crazy too is What do you think about all of the People are protesting. Like oh you you. You can't do this in in Colorado and like some other places. They're like protesting the fact that they you know. They have to be quarantined. Or whatever they have to do social distancing. Yeah I don't I can't hate on that one hundred percent because I think some people just want to go back to work because they need money saw that sentiment I understand but the thing is for no one. That's there's no jobs no jobs there just bored. You can't use for me like the all Mobile Little Board of American all my God. Yeah fuck in. Florida is so ready because I read this on news the other day the wwe government had pronounced wwe to be an essential job. So they're allowed to keep going so it's like the only sporting thing that's happening right now. Live of our baseball football basketball gone but like the undertaker still alive and well. I mean if you've never been to Florida I mean wrestling is essential there. Okay there's there's really nothing there's really nothing else there you know. There's a healthcare fest. So yeah this is episode. Whatever the lockdown eleven or twelve eleven and eleven and We Are. We have an announcement you know. Oh yes So the lockdown has been released has been released every Monday and Thursday but we are actually go back to once a week. We felt that we were going a little too hard but not to worry with that extra time that we have now. We're GONNA try to do like maybe like a live show and instagram or like zoom thing that using that time that we have now available so we'll go back to once a week. We hope that's okay with you are down. Those have been kind of the same so I don't think anyone's GonNa miss us too much to be honest with you but yeah we just got that once a week we could cover things more actively because a lot of times in recorded in advance and like recovering things that are happening like two weeks before just doesn't match up and shit like that so that's kind of where we're coming from. Do you want to add anything to that number twelve? Yeah I mean. I think it's just like you know this is like a been a weird thing for us as a quote unquote creators. Which I hate. I hate saying that work right. I would rather I would honestly rather be called an artist so as artists. Yeah as artists. This is like we've said it many times. There's no rules anymore. You know like anything can happen. And that's why he went to to twice a week and shorter episodes for a while and that was sort of like acute. You know that was like triage right. We were dealing with a critical situation and now we have to kind of switch over to this quote unquote normal. Where hey I mean honestly we could be here until October or whatever the fuck and to in order to make it more sustainable and to make it honestly more fun for you guys. We're going to TRY TO DO ONCE. A week podcast. But you're going to see a lot more shit on us for instagram. Maybe we'll do a thing. Maybe we'll do like more stuff like more shows and whatever the fuck is so. That's that's really. What is if anything were doing more stuff? We're doing less of the podcast itself. I think it'll be fun. It'll be good as artists. You know we're excited. You talk really talk like as if we're talking to your investors you know if you think about Russia doing more work now. It's less up. Yeah I I rather yeah call me an investor investment so corentin update. What's What's new with you quarantine update so you know me. I love you know me do I Mike even real. You know me this program. You know me so. I realized that I realized this a while ago. But one thing that I do is when I'm when I'm shopping for stuff. I realized that I'm not necessarily shopping for the thing I'm shopping for. If that makes sense I'm shopping for control. I'm shopping for for something to make me feel safe. I mean like shopping now or just in general in general but really a lot now like this really acutely feel it now so for example like for a long time. I was looking at this like the digital like G. Shock one hundred bucks is on Amazon and I realized like I have a. I have a fucking you know. I have a lot of watches. I have like four and I have like a rolex and I was like. Why am I looking at this watch and I realize it's because I want to feel like I have control over something so I've by buying something I get to control that like? I'm using my money in this way and I get to see something that's being shipped to me and then also with watches in particular. I think a lot of watch people are like this but like you get to control this aspect of your life like time you know you you. Everything's you know everything's going everything this is for real like everyone like. I think deep down like you're trying to control. You have won control over something you know what time it is dead you. That's the one thing you and I've always felt this way with watches and I think again. If you ask a lot of people like if they're really soul-searching they realize by having a a watch you know what time it is showtime ice. That's one one thing you get to one piece of information you have because everything's changing. Hey don't wear a mask. Oh just kidding everyone all the fucking time don't go And and and socially or go social distance just kidding. I don't social distance when you're watching. Wwe There's no rules like this. Is the one thing that that makes me? It's something that makes me feel safe and it's weird to realize that that's happening like it's it's usually it's like a little bit more unconscious But I did so. I didn't buy that because I was like. I kind of knew that what was happening and I was like okay. Everything's fine. I'm just got got to deal with that. I became a therapist to myself. I did buy something recently. And this is. This is go back to Control which is controlled my body. Okay okay like control your body. This is what exercise I think is important. My wife is talking about. She's been doing a lot of yoga she's like it makes me feel better because it gives you a sense of control. You can control that you are you know you have the routine of waking up and working out and and and you have the control over your body so I bought a great. I almost bought it purely for the bit. But it's called a Bulgarian bag okay. That sounds like the bag that you put on someone. You're kidnapping them you guys google. It looks like that honestly. It's it's a bag in it. Looks like it's like a little. It's a big issue. It's like a leather bag and it's like waited so it was filled with sand or or whatever the fuck they put in there and use it to. It's kind of like a kettle bell or something like that but it's really good for like grappling. Because like you got these little handle your hold onto and it's supposed to work your grip. Swinging around is something that the idea for. It came because the inventor I think he's Bulgarian. I have no idea He looks he looks. He Looks Eastern European. Like A motherfucker But he would see people like shepherds they once they tie up a sheep. They like pick up the sheep and put it like drape it around. I guess yeah. Exa- so that drape it around their body and then like the you know they would carry that the sheep to wherever they were. There needs to be shaved or to be slaughtered. Yeah and sometimes. They have competitions where they're like swinging the sheep around so this Bulgarian bag looks like a little sheep. That's been tied up and I just got a kick out of it. Because isn't that is. That is that where. Where's where's where's girlfriend from Bulgarian? When I bought this I was like this is amazing just for the bit. I was like I'm willing to spend the money just for that so I went and bought that. I'm pretty excited. I I do feel bad about the the courier who has to bring it because it's not light and it's going to look weird you know so but yeah man you know that was my little journey And who knows? We're going to be on this journey for a while. Now so yeah man controlled. That's it that's interesting. Speaking of taking this I mean that's interesting. You bring control up because this this quarantine news today is related to control right. It's Headline reads Dr Chee Endorses Tinder hookups. If you're willing to take the risk it's about when Faldo was asked if you're swiping on a dating APP tinder and you match with someone that you think is hot and you're just like maybe it's fine. If this one stranger comes over what do you say to that person? And he responds. If you're willing to take a risk and you know everyone has their own tolerance of risk. You could figure out if you want to meet somebody and if you want to go a little bit more if you want to be a little bit more intimate than that's your choice regarding a risk so I don't know who the fuck was asking this question. I feel like there are other questions to be answered. I don't know why she wasn't in the line to ask his dumb ass question but This one of the reasons why like Dr Fallacies because like even if when you see undocked Fox News. He's not hostile at all. Which is how no science people should behave on TV? Just anyone right just like we're like if you've been on Fox like this lady was saying something dumb and he was like well. I don't think that's necessarily true because Xyz and he was just he didn't make her sound stupid but that's you know he's very like matter of fat kind of guy and I think this this somebody from snapchat asked him this clearly. Not a new source but he said it's kind of cool and more. It's kind of interesting article. They said that You know his advice. People don't WanNA listen to shit like that because a lot of thrill seeking New Yorkers are forgoing dating APPs and going straight to craigslist to find a partner with whom they can literally go out with a bang so people people be fucking during the quarantine with or without Dr Phil Cheese advice and I just want to get this conversation started about like how do you feel about that. If you're a single would go through with somebody during this pandemic would you take? Would you take that risk? Is that more of your control mission. You know I mean I think you know the the the The holiness thing is one thing one thing that if you I I looked at that New York Post thing and if you click on that thing where they talk about the craigslist thing The craigslist ads are really funny because they actually are not. I mean they're definitely sex related but it's like hey do you wanna spend a significant amount of time with me like? I'm looking for a live in situations people. It's almost like they're banging and then they're like. Hey you WANNA stay for a couple of weeks. You know like Really what it comes down to these shit. That's the new Do you WanNa stay for breakfast as you want us. Yes yeah exactly hit you. WanNa stay for the fourteen day quarantine. You know. It's like it's like they should be like little. There should almost be little marriages where you can get married for like two weeks and then after that John you're got divorced and hey you know what? Maybe he didn't even jerk them off or whatever you gotta be six feet away from each other coworkers who live alone because I have some alone and I mean all jokes aside. They are very lonely. Yeah some of them have girlfriends but they just don't maybe she's in Queens and he's in Brooklyn just don't they're not together and they're very very lonely. Dude I mean I can't. I can't imagine that that's why I'm even surprised. Like sex sex aside. You know like you just need to like high five dude you know so you know. I have to do a while one of my buddies speaking of Of of being alone he Hope this okay for me to say whatever I it's it's anonymous. He's one of my buddies and he drove from his house all the way for he lives in Texas and he drove all the way like three states away to stay with this girl that he's been seeing and they and they they've known each other awhile but they've only started seeing each other and he drove all the way over there to see her for like and he's been staying with her for like a couple of weeks And it's just it's it's it just goes to show like how far you'll go because hey that could that could have been a disaster. Only have just what do you mean that could have been a disaster which part well I mean like. He's like he's going so far away out of out of his way to obviously you know. Obviously he's driving all the way across like several state lines in order to to hang out with and then he's got to stay with her for two weeks. You know I mean like if you you know. It's it's funny to me because for a long time people were like. Oh I really don't WANNA get tied down to anything right. I don't WanNa like have anything long term and now it's like oh well what if you're really alone and I mean by yourself for like weeks at a time and now people are like. Oh man you know I really wanted to have like a live in girlfriend now. You know like I'm ready. I'm ready I'm willing to make that leap girl you know you know. That's what it's about. I think that like yeah I mean I don't even think about it because I live here with my girlfriend and you have your wife but like do my coworkers are like I'm not even trying to be funny when I say this. They're like I just want to be touched. Like I just want someone to touch me and I haven't been and like humans. Were social animals. I think we really need that. So like yes. All this stuff happening in Florida is like crazy but I definitely I understand that. I don't even think it's Hornets. I think it's just like you can't you can't keep humans apart because that's like the only reason why we exist is to like say hi to each other. That's it you know. We're on this earth to say hi to each other and fuck that's really it and so you take those things away you know people are going to like. Mad Max mode people going GonNa find ways to reach out to even if it is craigslist. So I think it's kind of interesting do you. I do have a funny craigslist story. It's not really a story but when I was in college online dating was like not really a thing and I met someone who is visiting from the University of Texas okay. I met him like a college party and he was talking to me about how he met this Milford on craigslist and he bangor. And that's so cool so I hate to put I swear to God. I put up ad on craigslist in like two thousand nine. You're you're in. You're in college or in high school. I was in college okay. I was in college from two thousand eight hundred. I put up on this shortly. I met this guy. And he's like I met. I met this on Craig's were banging and she's hot and I live in Texas and I was like that's cool so I made an ad on craigslist. Because the thing about craigslist is that. What's Kinda Nice as you can't see your face so you can really right how you actually feel per forward example? The Guy who wrote Hey. I'm wondering I'm looking for like a living situation right. It's not something that's acceptable and tender. Even if other people feel that way you gotta be ostracized for opening up. You're not going to be rewarded for being audible on craigslist. You can go right. Exactly what the fuck you want. And if people don't like it they'll just be like ha and they'll just skip right. There's no you're not personally on the YOU'RE NOT GONNA get shot at or whatever you're really responsible for these words so I wrote I put this post up and I said hi I'm a college student. I'm skinny I'm looking for a mill. I'm skinny I I put my body type and I said I'm skinny slim and I'm looking for lever milk. Ideally someone who is divorced and has like privacy or whatever. It was more eloquent than that. I had my friend check out. Check my writing. Did you put this up on in the that section Craig List for that? Yeah so now. It's Gone. I don't know if you know really. Oh yeah now. Okay but back then. They used to be a tab called like sex encounters or like cash away. You put it on that but the thing with like the thing with any like dating website or even craigslist if you click on I'm looking for women looking for straight men it's all bots right. Yeah but if you go to men looking for women it's all real dudes saw I put up my thing and I got a ton of responses. But they're all from fucking robots Russian robots. You know trying to get money from you or something I mean it just. You can tell because like their picture that they would attach A. They weren't mill. So I'm like did you not fucking read my post okay? I'm looking for like a milk. Okay but there would be like what's so funny you can just tell. They don't live in New York because of the background. That's you've carpet. That's not a New York. Yeah right you could just tell. We don't have those kinds of doors in New York apartment so there was all kind of bought so I gave that up but Yeah I think desperate times call for desperate actions so I'm not judging anybody for being on craigslist. I was I was out there. I gave it a shot. Didn't succeed but Yeah I don't know if you had any like craigslist craigslist stories. Because you're a little older than me and I feel like maybe that was more socially acceptable back in your times. Well I mean I think that's why for a long time it wasn't it wasn't okay to date online because the only people who dated online were desperate people on craigslist and Russian. Mott's you know so that was counter and I think they stereotype. Was that like you would encounter these these weird like ponytail guys who are like really took. Atanas and that's all the people you meet online. Yeah and I guess. Apparently skinny Japanese men looking for milk. That was the only people left. I will say that I have a question ask you so I know you. A lot of things. Got Put on pause when New York City Got Put on pause okay. We can't we can't go to work. We can't like go get a haircut. How also Fumi can't can't go out and fuck okay. He you know his open relationship got put on pause. Okay that's right. Here's the thing though. Here's the thing though. Have you thought about putting out one of these ads or and or tinder? Whatever whatever because hey you had the framework for it. It's a little different though because I feel that before you were kind of like you would see someone at a show and vibe with them and maybe that's sort of what happened and that's that's a little different than like going out and trying to like banging a trick you know an open relationship have you. Hey you know what Dr Foul she says. You know if you're a skinny Japanese guy and you're willing to take the risk and you know it's all about mitigating the risk this a very bad poetry impression. Well you know if you're a Japanese Japanese guy in an open relationship with a Bulgarian lady. Hey you know what maybe? Just follow social distancing. Have you thought about it? I don't really. Yeah I've thought about it but I don't let say this I am Horny but I'm not that Horny. I don't need to like I don't need to like fucking roll the dice with science to get my Dick Okay like. Let's say that you know what I mean like. And and you know as you know from my previous encounters. Why do I want to hook up with these women is it? Because I'm not getting enough not getting my dad. Quit no because I want to talk about Asian American Studies. Okay so like Oh. That's what my crisis Mike craigslist posting is not even GonNa be under casual encounter. It's going to be under education education. Private tutor no no no silly business. So so it's going to be something like single or it's complicated. Asian male has an Asian fetish but Asian American experiences. Yeah let's talk about if that's problematic or not. Ooh That's really what I'm looking defined this ad problematic then. I WanNa talk to you. So Yeah Man Dr Phil. Gee Thank you so much for giving us the hope and light you know. I think people need to hear that and you know. I think I'm going to do you. Not like what? I'm about to say but like I think I'm going to ask for a minority start. Doing I'M GONNA go on social distancing walks with friends. I think I think I'm ready to do that man. You're not supposed to do that. Bro. No you are. You're not to do that. I don't know I feel like people are getting up and I feel like there is. It feels it does feel safer. I Yeah I don't know I mean I can't blame anybody for doing it. You know I think. Hey you know what just in case condom on just in case just in case do it do for algae as you put it on. Just how it's rigged for your couch okay. Here's some so this is a little game. I want to play with Fumi. It's called quarantine ads. And so what I did was I wrote. I found I found some ads. Quarantine ads that are on craigslist. And you know we're just going to read these and foodies job is to guess who wrote this ad Okay okay Okay here's a guy I'm gonna read one for We we only got two so white male early seventies but has physique of a thirty year old according to my doctor seeks partner for fun long one way conversations watching cable news very wealthy currently lives in giant historic mansion with multiple properties. All over the world and Florida must be okay with previous family baggage. Who wrote this ad? This is my big donny. Donny Don big big on I think he that dude is oh my gosh it's He is speaking of human touch. I don't think anyone's I mean. Definitely his wife hasn't touched in a while I think so. Do you think they have sex? I mean there have children together right do that. Yeah isn't bear baron. Oh Aaron Yeah Yeah which by the way. Barron somehow became like six five. Have you seen recently? He six five now. I mean like when he when he when he got into the when they started. This is obviously for years ago. He was like thirteen or something and he was like he was probably like five foot and now he's like six two. It's crazy it's wild because he fuck and fees everybody big MACs. Because that's all you can eat. Man Law allows McDonald's man. This is big Don. Yeah I think big Don has definitely done some shady shit on craigslist for sure. I would also like big Sean. I think he should have to show everybody his penis after before he leaves the White House. What are the how come I just? I just need to know what's going on down just like to just make sense of it all you know because you know what that'd be. Yeah that'd be funny if we see it and we're all like Oh this makes sense. Yeah okay makes sense. All of a sudden the entire country goes oh like. Oh this is why this four years have been. Oh Man Yeah. Hey you're you're right guy all right that was that's got one. Okay here's another one. Here's another quarantine ad again. This is an ad on craigslist. And I'm going to read it Founded and so and I guess who wrote it okay. Small virus from huge family seeks life partnerships for fun awkward. Dates loves getting frisky but also loves long-term. Dependability must be okay with open relationships. No drugs especially antivirals for twenty. Okay this this is my Rona. Oh you know it's not Rona nine. No this one is this is this is another virus. A virus at at you know we've been forgetting about him. It's herpes my boy Hammadoun. We've forgotten about him. Herpes Dude you know. Herpes is all about lifelong relationships. Once you get herpes he's never leaving you okay. Now he's never leaving you you know. He's he's going to be hanging for a long time. Now that like Krona's fucking causing such chaos in our country like we really like or really kind of mean to herpes longtime you know we were really feel like we were mistreated purpose. I feel like you know. Herpes is like you know that was that was such a good early. Two thousands virus. You Know I. I missed viruses when you know they they just were kind of funny and like you could joke about it. And it was like e convenient. You know like that's the virus. I Miss Yeah inconvenient like oh I got a little dot. They're funny. You can still go to school but exactly can rony man. This is amazing. So do I get anything for getting these two right You get herpes. That says so. That was our game and I think that's our show. That was a fun one so once again. We're going to once a week but only because We're low we love you guys and we're actually going to do more stuff so check that out. Yes please follow me on Instagram at the CIA. Also were on their at Asian. Not Asian pod. Check me out on instagram at a nice pants bro. Also find us on. Tick Tock Montauk not nice pants tick tock. I'm on the same named me. Obey my yeah check us out on Youtube and everywhere and yeah Patriot to Patriot dot com slash Asian. Not Asian pod. If you're filling up for it you know if you feel like donating some of that stimulus money. We know you got it. Yes some of it. Some of you guys have. And it's been awesome so It's going to cool man Yeah I I hope I buy. I don't know if I'll get one. Get the Bulgarian bag by next week. But hopefully I do. Yeah you gotta make a video without. That's fucking hilarious. It's going to be awesome. I can't wait so Until then you know. I'm going to try to maintain some control over my life through shopping. So that's how it is all right. Stay safe out there guys. We'll see guys next week thanks bye.