This is a head gum podcast. Hello and welcome to the complete everything podcast everything. I'm of your Tom, and I'm Tim, Tim. How're you doing this week? I feel reborn reborn. Yeah. Why what how? So why I just feel like? The end of the winter is incite now, I feel like spring this spring's really going to be something for TIMMY. Yeah. You'd think so and I have no whether wise or you got things planned have no specific plans have a feeling there's a vibe there's something something in the air. Yeah. There's it only occurred to me though, that we're we're recording this on Valentine's Day. Yes. Very romantic. It is don't knock any these candles over them. This place will go up like a tinderbox we're recording in a very small talion restaurant in little Italy. Had a small circular table with the white tablecloth and too many candles. Yeah. It's dangerous speed this especially at this tablecloth bottle of red. Ball white now just bottle read. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. Exactly mixing. Yeah. What's he doing order in into Zada thing? Can you do maybe like white with the starters? We're having fish as a starter. Yeah. Advertiser. Yeah. And then as a red with the entree in maybe or maybe the reds, a dessert wine share something. Maybe it's all three. Yeah. I mean, it's also Billy Joel like he's like, he's always drinking wine. He he says to the waiter abolish Oballo, white, and whatever she wants. And then we'll be like. I know immediately go out to the valet like see you guys later. Give me my car keys. I'm fine. Yeah. He likes wine and he likes riding into houses. Right while you may or may not be drunk, Billy. Joel a great, man. A great, man. I gotta go see Billy Joel when you're talking about we have to go see Billy Joel place every month in our city in the world that he plays in at least reliable. He plays a few. Fenway park. And be like a yeah. Yeah. We should definitely go there. But I don't know. He's played like, you know, like thirty eight months in a row or something or even more than seventy. Yeah. He's been doing this for years now. Well, we never did. I mean, we we have the eternal conundrum. I think of like buying tickets when they go on sale. But when they go on sale, it's the along at least six months before the show, right? And like neither of you. Even know what you're doing in the spring. So let alone the summer. Well, I'd have real crackerjack plans for the supreme Billy Joel tickets for like April. Yeah. Or well who we really need to do. And we've talked about this. But we really need to do is like look up win. The next Billy Joel show is go to mass and Square Garden and buy tickets on stub, you know, five minutes before the show starts after the show starts last. I we discussed this on the show. It was a similar situation. There's a Billy Joel show at Madison Square Garden tonight. And like. Memo damn how would be the perfect time for us. Now, we're recording this reduce ten pm. We stop and go. Hi, talented. The garden will get there by quarter to nine. Yeah. I'm sure he takes the stage at nine can work out. So well, I mean don't look up how much tickets are. Because like if they're cheap than screw. We'll put on a best of won't be back next. Boy, really screwed ourselves on this. The other thing about going to see Billy Joel Madison Square Garden, we have as but he's never been. Yeah. Or the thing that's been keeping me from going 'cause it's gonna look we're gonna have to pay a pretty penny for this, right? E even if we get a good deal on Cillian be expensive. Yeah. Probably worth it. I haven't seen him since the river dreams tour. But I think it will still be worth it. We have friends that went, but they sent in a sky box. They got like tickets and has like, well, I can't do anything less than a sky box luxury box at the Billy. Joel do rather a luxury box or like front row. I'd rather front row. But had rather a luxury box to second row because I don't wanna see any other fast. Yes. But I don't wanna be behind anybody. Yeah. Do you think at Billy Joel concerts at that's like like the most drunk show at massive Square Garden every just coming off the lung island railroad. Yeah. The the down in a case of. Whatever what have you probably a bottle of red in about away? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's it's like, you know, everybody stumbles out of the Long Island railroad. It's probably ninety percent Long Island center the lick. I like Billy Joel me to a love them. Yeah. We have a complicated relationship with Billy, Joel. Like every islander with. Sense of taste, right. And you know, what I feel you know, who'd be perfect write a song about that would be Billy. Joel. I think Billy Joel could write like, very good Sii, isn't right. New music. But he could write a very good song about like how complicated Billy Joel is for people live on not everybody some people, you know, some people flat out hate him some people unabashedly love him. We are going to see the man who plays the piano, but I don't like a lot of his songs. Yeah. Let's say you're saying he could just make a parody of Elton John song. What do you mean? Zan L Johnson. Now, I'm just I'm just I mean, I'm flattered that you think? Oh, Tim original. Yeah. That was more stranger era. Joel stranger. Yeah. Come on. We know where the stranger aka, Billy, Joel, Tom. What are we talking about this week this week? We're talking about. Place you might know from your community. No, not the firehouse. The village hall. No, not the village hall. No, not not the elementary school gazebo, Tim not every community has as many communities as have gazebos not as many as you would think though. I imagine a memorial bench. Yes. You got it. This is about the memorial bench. If I got a memorial bench for someone if I ever side, but he's sitting on that bench get up you got for somebody. If you bought it for yourself. Yeah. I guess you can't is that is that like in the bylaws like if I go in the bible, it'd be like, hey, I'd like to purchase a memorial bench for myself. They'd be like, sir. You can't do that. But if I'm like, look, I'll pay the six hundred dollars. You know, what I bet what they would the point of contention would probably be we can have a bench. That's in honor of Tim. It's going to have to say like sponsored by Tim. Why not adopted by Tim? But why can't I look what bring it up? That's why you can't fight city hall. Yeah. We'll see plan. I may I think they that would probably just be like a tactic memory of ten. I don't live like if I'm gonna go back to our hometown. And get a memorial bench. I don't live. They're able to just remember. Yeah. Remember, tim? He's back once in a while. Giving. But this this benches in memory of him. Yeah. If you ever Jones for Tim fix come out of the bench in reminisce law. I don't think that's out worse. They is more lied. People wouldn't be thinking about you. And then they would walk by the bench. And they'd be like, oh, yeah. Memory of Tim. I remember him. Yeah. Either that or they'll be like, I sure would I share miss Tim. No. I don't think. Now thought my pleasant memories of Tim. No, I don't think that tau like a memory of bench for a person who's currently alive would work. I don't know breaking new ground here. Yeah. You're describing more of like a shrine or something like you think? Won't be on it. But maybe I'll put my picture on it. That's gonna cost extra. They're not gonna let you do that for Tom. Would it be your would it be? Would it be like a like a like a bronze in bossed thing year, an aging or something like that maybe an eternal flame? Never goes out. Yeah. Definitely hasn't really been on the whole time out fuel. Yeah. I know. But even still just re for for what for Kennedy. Yeah. Yeah. They they a mechanism. He was the president. But I'm saying even with the mechanism like you wouldn't hear about it? You know, they wouldn't be like. Tonight on the news. Yeah. The one out for for a minute. Now, we bring you exclusive footage of this. You know, servicemen test trying to relight. Yeah. I think the Washington Post has correspondent it's just for the last forty years and like the germ. The eternal flame be does way. For that. Flame to go out. That's gonna be the next day's headline nation nation lies. Flame went out attornal flame. No. Pippi headline. Shoot darkness semi. Sometimes you gotta get right to the point eternal flame Lipsius there. No now, just straight. But no, the actual headline would be nation lies because the on all of us. You know, because all we've all been keeping up this like, yeah, we're gonna we're gonna make an eternal flame as a nation Ellas around when I was a year older than you. I wasn't around. Kid. He was buried either. But. But you know, what starting the day he was buried there are other things on people's minds. Right. They were like all right. You swear in LBJ. You figure out what we're going to do about the Russians you figure out who killed this guy. Kennedy. Yeah. Hey, hey makes. And when you find the guy makes her nobody kills him. Yeah. Before we can talk to them. Yeah. And then the that got all sorts of complicated. But then they're like, and you you dream up mechanism. So we could have a fire that'll be there forever. Yeah. There's probably pretty quickly after that. They came up with that idea. Yeah. But like it doesn't ever seem like a good time to like do that. There's always I basic thing that they were pressing matters. Yeah. But I kind of thing that like somebody somebody was spit and right after because they were like, oh, man. Like have has any other president ABRAHAM LINCOLN any other presidents in? Acidy Lincoln and Kennedy though who else Garfield the cat. You wasn't even the president him wasn't assassinated. He was murdered. There were. You've done some research during the break McKinley too. I wasn't sure about McKinley. Or if he was shot in survived. But so McKinley. Garfield candy in Lincoln. Yeah. That's a four four president real piss poor batting average. Yeah. For the assassins or for for the for the president's. That's almost what a tenth. A tenth. Eight eight percent, okay. Eight percent of presidents have been said. I mean, I mean what percent of the general population is murdered the eight percent. In any job that high and they're only president for. Yeah. Forty. Here's the thing. It's a it's kind of a high profile position. They're probably more. I'm not sure if this has been proven, but there's probably more people gun in for you when you're president. Yeah. When you're just a guy walking down the stairs. Even still like if somebody offered you a job and they're like a new job. It's great. I'm required by law to let you know eight percent of the people doing this have been killed. It sounds a lot of accidents. No, they were murdered there murdered those people the trade off is that you're the most powerful person in the world. Yeah. But is that really true? Yeah. I still think that's true. We're talking about libraries today. Yeah. Well, yeah. The speed of which something he could probably go look up in the library. Yeah. We're not talking about presidential libraries. No, no, that's a different type of library. Yeah. But still also type of library. If you think about it. Yeah. It's right there in the name. Yeah. Libraries, you might have one your your own community there. That's how we started talking about benches. Yeah. Back to the. Some libraries have memorial benches right outside. I know. That's what I'm gonna for down. That's that's. I got my heart. I mean as we wanna be that's more high traffic than a park. Yeah. I mean, they probably charge accordingly. I don't know. It depends on the layout. Some libraries are probably right adjacent to the to community park. That's a nice library. If it is. Yeah. Real tranquil vegan, go library where you have to be quiet and the park where you should be quiet. Yeah. But guess what you get a book at a library. Go straight to the park. Read it on a you'd read it out loud memorial bench. Maybe he'll come by shake your hand. I would also if I had a bench reveal to remember me combines the price. Come by a lot more by come up behind him. Put your hands over there is in deaths who do the Bill Murray. No one will ever believe you. But then they like now they will. I was sitting on your bench in the alive guy with a memorial. Bench knows your hero making a big deal out of this bench that he paid like five hundred bucks. A this weird in grave picture of your son is probably one of the five hundred bucks, my friend. But I told you money's no object. No, spare no expense. When it's my memorial bench. I'll have to do some sort of funding. For this. Go fund me. But we're talking about the library. Yeah. Timmy, newer both in a library together. Recently. Yeah. Glad you brought this up we walked into a library together and looked at some of the books. Yeah. What were we doing there? Somebody had I had to return a library say somebody to return a library. I renewed my library hard. Yeah. We got a lot done. Couple of guys with a lot of business at the library. Well, we live in a great city for libraries. Would you say maybe the best city in the world for library at least? Best city in the world, period. Hey for pizza. Absolutely. Definitely the best city in America. I think if you're talking libraries. Yeah, I would say the funding of our library system. In New York is a priority. Even though the new York Public Library since me fundraising emails, and also I haven't renewed my New York City, my New York City public library card in like three years. I don't even have an active membership there. And they're still a give us money for what? And I should care enough to renew his car, but he'll probably pay up. I should note that there are different library systems in the boroughs say that I think that that's one of the best things about New York that you can have multiple library cards, kinda queens. I've. New York Public Library card, which is just Manhattan. Or is it the? Yeah. Yeah. And I have a Brooklyn public library illegitimately. What do you mean? You don't live in Brooklyn. But you're allowed to that's that's that's the beauty of it. Yeah. When I was renewing my card, some lady had a Kentucky ID, and you know, she handed it she was renewing her card. She had to librarian, and I was trying to whisper librarian shy. Call the cops. Don't worry Kentucky person to react. Folks out Houston the library. See at New York's great is a bunch of libraries. What else about life? Is that it was that all your notes? No, no, no. I have a budget has back. I don't know where to begin. Let's begin with my suggestions might complaints out. Oh for the library. I like the library. Did you write a personal say for this my one complaint too many books? Tim, not really but the floor of every library go into it. Either like depressing or like old carpet, which is also depressing. What other way could it be hardwood floors Taegu's like hell, what do you mean? Like, the linoleum isn't the next time you go to a public library look at the floor. It's not gonna be like, yeah, you're not gonna go live rare. But looking at books out the floor, you're doing it wrong. Also, my other note, actually, that's it. Euros over here that Noland cheaper than hardwood floor. It would be nice that they have both options available to the linoleum invest it. I mean, there's a lot of books in there any and every library that nobody's ever reading get rid of load sell those books. Don't buy them in the first place. But man on upgrading your floors. So you were serious when he said, the library's many books, you think they're wasting money on books that could be spending on making their floors less depressing town, I know, you big you think they should all have mind com. Just because it's illegal. I mean, I think probably ally libraries do have it, Tim. But I don't I don't have an opinion about that. I don't think they should. I mean, I don't think they shouldn't. It's fine. It's fine. It's mind Jesus Christ. I've never complained about it. I mean, I have complained about it. It's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Can you imagine you're going to say that I think there should be a pornography section? Brought that I put that in the comment box multiple times. They shouldn't have pornography at the pornography section. Yeah. Like, you know, like through beads walk through some hanging beads. Keep the kids don't put into by by the kids section, of course. But on the whole other side of the library. I'm not in favor of this. I didn't know you hated free speech so much. Tom, look, I know we were alive at the time. But before the internet. Yeah. Libraries must have been like frigging poppin. I mean, I remember libraries before the internet. They weren't necessarily poppin by all the time. But I was a kid. I was like gimme another Seuss. Hey, another encyclopedia Brown for this guy. Actually, I do remember like going to the library after as a kid after my parents would come home from work and like sometimes like after work like either right before right after dinner. It'd be like, let's let's go library and the library would be very crowded. Yeah. There would be a lot of people. I guess like getting off of work. Like, you know, let me let me see if they took my suggestion in that pornography section. Cookbooks and at Lewis's. We tiffs. Oh, yeah. But we're planning a trip like you have to let go and be like, okay. Let's research. What city do in certain cities. I mean, you remember as a kid like before the internet having to write papers and shit. And it was just like we got a library. And like boy, hopefully, the thing you have to write about the two books have about it aren't already taken out has some other kid. Good doing the exact same report. God how many times of that happen? Oh, God damn. Sounds like until the last minute yet some point the library had to be like, okay. We know that like a bunch of kids have to write this report. You're not lead to get out. Yeah. You gotta read it in the library or make copies five cents a copy highway robbery and. The, you know, just flouting copyright making copies. I would sell those copies outside. Yeah. I would just methodically. Photocopy every page of every book, and then just go out and come on the street. I remember going the library the library was like the. I mean, the the most reliable place with a photocopy machine. I remember going there just make photocopies not even you know, if things I had my, but for example, really? Yeah. Yeah. Just like in, you know. They're right up front right in front of the deaths. But you know, boys will be boys. Yeah. No. But you can make copies there. And that was like a big deal because if you went there are other places that I caught the all this makes us sound like we're fucking ancient. There are other places that copy machines, but they were always like it's behind the counter, and we have a minimum. We'll tell you how much after he make the copies this is coin operated founded interesting feather on the ground a foot okapi only five cents nickel. And then later you want to hey, tell you what we up sell you to color photocopy of that. If you'd like it's gonna cost you though, I remember when they when they had the color copier installed at the library. And I was just like they've gone too, far the libraries jump the shark at this point much who needs this kind of extravagance upgrade the floors. Not the copy machines. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks ET Fs options and cryptos all commission free. While other brokerages charge up to ten dollars for every trade. Robinhood doesn't charge any commission fees, you can trade stocks and keep all of your profits. Plus, there's no minimum no account minimum deposit needed to get started. So you can start investing at any level. The simple intuitive design of robinhood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike view, easy to understand charts and market data and place a trade and just four taps on your smartphone. You can also use stock collections such as one hundred most popular with Robin. Tim. Popular with Robin nudie can learn how to invest in the market as you build your portfolio. Discover new stocks track your favorite companies and get custody cases for price movements. You never missed the right moment to invest robinhood is giving listeners of the complete guide. Everything of free stock like apple Ford or sprint to help. Build your portfolio. Sign up at guide dot robinhood dot com. At an extended conversation. This new laser printer. I. It was the most boring governor station I've ever had in my life. But I was riveted the entire. He's got a. Yeah. Home. Put some spice in our lives. So Tom the kid section at the library. When I was a kid. It was awesome. They had all different kinds of. Yeah. Run around. You could take out what? Enter whatever books. He wanted. You read them there you bring him home. Whatever you want. Now, whenever I go to alive the kids section just looks like mayhem. It's just like a bunch of kids like screaming and stuff. It's like where is the librarian in all of this get even as a kid? It was like well the kids section the rules are a little bit laxer. But it was. Yeah. You were still constantly being told like, hey. Because most libraries are pretty open floor plans. Yeah. I don't like a library. That's a different rooms. You know what? I mean. We're like, we're ways and stuff. I don't know if I've been to two minutes. Smaller town ones words Finn like this is not a library. Floors. This is just a bunch of rooms Tim the library. You know, isn't just for books. It's not just for book worms eight is just for bookworm. Spent you you can go there and take out other things. Do you know? So like when we were kids. I remember it being a big deal when they got a videotapes VHS baby. Yeah. And this is just an old, man. Remember when welcome to the pilot of over your show. Remember will remember when with two old shits boring old men? But I remember when they when they started having videotapes, and I think for my parents like they eventually caught on of like, why are we taking our kids to the freaking video store were costs money to rent videos when like we can take him here. They watched the same dumb shit over and over anyway. And if we just tell them like, hey, Oregon, go library. You can take a video like in my mind. There is no distinction between the two I was never like now. Mom, the library. Doesn't have new releases. I I was the opposite. Happy that we were not a mill offense ally brewery video family, we were a block, but we were golden video in then blocked that that well, yeah, I'm talking more about golden video era. Like once I was old enough to like. To like movies that were coming out like when you're like eleven or twelve and it's like, no, I wanna see Adam Shanley values. Yeah. Things like that. Then we were at blockbuster. But. Before. Then when when you go there and just take out like Disney movies, or whatever it was like, I just go library, and you can rent Penan teller dead for the twelfth time. Like, I would just find weird things. I was like I like this. I'll take it up. You can only have two out at a time was that. I remember very family. Yeah. I mean, we completely issued books. We just took out the videos that was when we got library cards. Similarly, I was never too interested in the compact disc section. I assumed it was all classical. And then one time I was like blues travelers. Wow. This libraries cool. I remember constantly falling into the library CD trap. Because. When we were young God, this stinks this thing. Yeah. We got a call this off. We still have to make it to the Billy Joel Schiff. I wish. But. Stew dove on Valentine's Day kidding hammered. The Pilly Joel show. This is way less pathetic talking about old times at the library. No, I remember constantly so. When I got my first CD player frigging, CDs were like twenty two dollars. And that was. At the time like in today's. With inflation. It was who knows how much like twenty dollars as an insane price for a CD now. But even more insane back then so I'd like to CDs. Wayne's world soundtrack. No, I only had that on tape. Unfortunately on CD's, pretty great. I think the wings world to Santrac on CD, right? Well, as at that age, you you know, we weren't baby boomers that it was like we can upgrade when a new format comes out. We'll upgrade is like have Wayne's world on tape. The only copy alone, but I would constantly go the CD section like, oh, man, CDs that I can I can lend that that they'll lend me I can just take out of here. But yeah, it was classical music, which I would take out just like classical CDs because there's another CD like meditation, CDs like relax ASICs as a kid you relax, Asian CDs. Hey, boss, anything like, my take content. Avian take it for a spin. And this back back before content with king a plane. I had about the library back. Then was that you couldn't take out magazines to read the magazines there. Yeah. But that that makes sense it does because they're not going to stand up to a lot of and also that's content goes stale quickly. We let this out to somebody for a week. Well, four people get to read this magazine the month. It comes out the magazines had like an unwieldy plastic plastic cover. But hey, it worked made it hard to see keep the page open to the swimsuit model you wanted to see. Yeah. That was a big. Big magazine, the the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, they still do that Sports Illustrated. Yeah. Of course, the swimsuit issue. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Soom? So I haven't heard that's got nothing to do with sports though. I think once in a while happened athlete. Gabby Reese or like somebody who is in seventy. Yeah. I think that that's what they do is just once in a while. They'll also be like, hey, check out this like Olympia and who's also very attractive. Is that enough to support in in in this day and age a sports magazine is being like, Google these ladies? I mean, they haven't gone a business yet. Yeah. I don't think it's proper my protests. I don't think it's probably as me and the other prudes picking this. The library. Them not to not to carry it. I know that libraries like unsubscribe from Sports Illustrated because of that I remember reading I think there was like like a one issue in particular or something that like they were pushing the boundaries get away with nudity wise. Yeah. Oh, I think maybe it was that one where they were like, hey, check this out these bikinis have been painted. I remember that year. Yeah. That was a big deal. What? Well, if you're painting on a bikini. Then that means they're naked. Yeah. So loop got a library. But bad news, the library cancelled their subscriptions and wrote this to Sports Illustrated about it. Yeah. But I imagine like, I'm sure it's not like the old days were when the Sports Illustrated swimsuit sushi would come out that issue outsold the normal rate by twenty times wherever I'm sure it's it's about the same. Like, we just have people that subscribed because they like to read articles about sports, right? The library. Also has things Tom. You can get a lot of information services. I feel like. The public. Something interesting, quiet. Say they also have computers for people who don't have computer access. The computer etiquette dog is leaving. She's. Why did we do this episode? We're very fade the computer etiquette at my local library is atrocious. How so I had to go. I don't have a fancy laser printer. Like, you do Tom. So I had to go print like concert tickets there something 'cause too cheap to do it kinko's, and I don't trust getting into tickets on my phone. All right. Another frigging old, man. Yes. And here's here's. Nobody was following the rules of who got the computer next. I got they were dissolved taking advantage of the double man. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was older people doing it. Good for them. This one guy had two different jacket on chairs the come on, man. There's only three chairs here you're taking up all of them to tack. It's he had to check. It's he was an old crazy. Well, yeah. I was gonna say he could have said something, but new couldn't have obvious. Yeah. Which which you'll find in spades in the life? New york. Yeah. Which is unfortunate. I mean bear bear in the library on the streets. Yeah. Exactly at the library closes. You know what I mean? And they got to go somewhere else. You know what? I mean. Oh, yeah. No. I'm not talking about like, you know, people that are there because if nowhere else to go. Yeah. Maybe they have nowhere else to go. But. You ever take classes at the library. Maybe we can go and learn about like computers. Yeah. No, not in a very long time. So I used to. When I first started writing, I would go to the Brooklyn central library, like the place started your your book writing career. Yes. So this is like five or six years ago as twenty thirteen his I been laid off from my job and had nowhere to be ever. Does like I need to like get out of housing need to go somewhere. So I go the central branch of the brook, which is, you know, the the main the hub Brooklyn public library, which I'm lucky enough to live within walking distance of. And that boy you'll see that on television shows sometimes or movies Quantico like quantum leap. Yeah. That's I think that's a show you meant. Yeah. Quantum leap. Beautiful huge library. But I would go there to work, and I would like see. A great great thing that they have that. They have like a room, which is death since I am wifi and the just go there, and you can sit down and work. And and they have a little cafe you can I never really bought anything there. But he could. My point being sometimes crisis. Sometimes I would watch classes go on. But I wouldn't participate in class is a robot classes. Boy, I wish no Rubik classes that like. Yeah. Insurer to computers for even older Fuxin us when I was a kid. I went to magic class you can learn how to do magic tricks. I went to a magic show at the library. Once it wasn't a class. I learned how to do a few tricks. This guy made somebody levitated to this day. I don't know how he did it why or smoke and mirrors. No. Because look the library's I'm gonna let you hang. Let's magician come in and start hanging wires. Yeah. That's true. I feel like the libraries just kind of like there's a folding table over there. You know, give five minutes up, and you're going to be under these harsh fluorescent lights. What do you call the cards 'cause I'm tempted to call them library cards. But they're not the cars that go in the sleeve that they punch the date. You return the book, they don't do that anymore. What I don't I go library use the library. I don't take books computerized baby. But whether they call those the cards return cards, I don't know they're not. They have a name who knows though. I mean, a lot of a lot of libraries, Tom didn't even have those cards. They stamped right in the book. That's disgusting with the book gets taken out more times than they've got room to stand burnin by new one. One time I misunderstood. I think it was a very early memory like a class field trip to the library. So is the first time I was at the library without a parent out me. Oh, and I misunderstood when they explained the cards, and I thought we could only take out books that already had a card in that little pocket and do do and I can find one that. Did I start crying? That's probably what I would. And then you know, somebody like a library knows. I was crying. They asked. Why I explained in there? You dumb shit. Yeah. Librarians are show me. Find a book that doesn't have a card in it. He moron. Mcq? Yeah. They're like e boy, we we gotta get this kid some books. He's a great eighty. And you read a lot of books now. You're smart man that you are smart man alive. I remember as a young teen. Speaking of the internet, the the one of the first internet services, I had was provided by the library. They like a dial up internet service that you can use at your home did use it your home. You're only allowed a small number of hours on it. I think like if you called and it was like, well, that's it. Like one person's connected. There were like two different numbers. You could dial into. And it was only text based cheeses again. This so called it was only text based. But then I found a program that would make us that kind of connection that type of connection and turn it into a web like an actual like web browser connection, but it took. So like everything took a long time back then. But this because it was like going through this like transformation process would take twenty minutes where web to load up. I'm sorry to hear that this riveting. Hey, what about librarian let your hair down your hair up, and you're shish people? Yeah. Your air take that pits lay here take those glasses off. And maybe finally everybody will see just how beautiful you are. I think that's a that's a the librarians are a thing that Nickelodeon TV. No, they didn't sexualize them. They put out propaganda with like with Brussels sprouts, all key Tate, Brussels sprouts. And then like you realize, but like the librarian was always this. Mean old lady that was always shooting everybody in like this authority figure that like was like cruel for no reason just kind of like like unfriendly. And then you go there and everybody was so nice all the other. Yes. Has ever had like a bad run in with the library. And I have I was maybe like disciplined once or twice not in like a I was at spanked or anything. But. Said I was spanked once or twice Varian. But. It was only because I served it. Yeah. I think Nickelodeon was afraid to go after teachers because they realize like, but you know, teachers like they have unions of stuff, they get really go. They can retaliate. But it's I most schools like probably only have maybe one or two librarian. So we can pick on them or they do about it. They can't organize numbers. The school library. I was always like don't waste my time. School library. A weird selection of things the school library. Now. There's where you can find some real frigging added date poke some real books, and there's some stuff written in their previous students that are. Yeah. You get you. Get a nice little education. From those themselves. You find I learned a lot of cooler full words in there. Yeah. And drawings. The books at the school library rose in way, worse condition than the regular library. Ana that's still the case. Hey right in don't about the library too. The, you know, libraries video games. Now is that true? This is the Jerry and take out video games at the dam library. I I mean, I lose this rotten Jiang brains. If you me a allude this earlier, but is the library life for yearbooks. You can take out books, and they'll send it right to your kindle or. Or your tablet. Same with audio books. You can take out audiobooks from library. Can I say audio books? They're not real books are real book stem. Listen to somebody read you a story, which is great and even better than reading. What do you do with your eyes? Get distracted by things that I see. Oh books back in my head distracted. Oh and movies. There's the service canopy canopy with a K as like a regular streaming service. And you can you can watch from the library. And they got a lot of stuff on there. Lot of movies and stuff. But here's the thing. They limit you to like what five movies a month? Have you ever hit that limit? I've never watched a movie there because I always go through them. Limit you get five movies a month. And I'm always like, I don't wanna waste like I don't know if this is like the ultimate movie that is worth it. What if this movie and then next week, they put up all the police academy? I'm screwed. They also have. Do you know what the microfiche? Yeah. Microfiche? So they still do that. If you're you're looking up like an old murder case or something. Yeah. Code made of transparent film used to store printed information in a miniaturized form. And then you put it in this thing, and it's a magnify or. Yeah. I remember using that as a kid for like, not not for fun, but projects wherever you're at the look up things. I mean as a very inefficient method compared to what we have now, but they have potentially longer life span than digital storage, Tom. I mean, but the just copy some like this hard drives gonna fail comedy. It's comedy. Another one have redundancy have a backup your redundant everything. You've ever said in your whole life is for. Find him. Then that means I'm safe. I have backups tonight. We're not gonna get into the Dewey decimal system. That's. Yeah. What about do? We have enough time to talk about library transfers into libraries, or what are we doing? Why are we doing this episode? What about late fees? Boy hate those you know, what late fees at the library. Sometimes keep a book for six weeks later six weeks longer than allowed to just show off. I have a dollar fifteen. Yeah. Great take it. Yeah. Yeah. You're you're known to to wrack up six weeks worth late fees, and then go library with a sackful of pennies and just drop it on the dads dump it on the and say, hey, yeah. The one hundred fifteen minutes. It doesn't really take. They stay on the desktop that many. Thank you. Thank you for paying for this. Oh, yeah. That's fine. We accept pennies. It's legal tender. I've been taken out a lot of books from the library time. I'm taking. Pennies from the Bank. I wanna I wanna stop looking at screens all the time. And that includes my Kimball, so like, I don't wanna frigging look feel the pages in your hands. But when it's the library book, you're feeling pages that you know, a bunch of other grimy people. Guess halls all over that that gets your immune system. I'm the only one that didn't get sick at if our whole group of friends this winter Duda library book. Yeah. It was all the germs from the library books all the bacteria that I got also I before I turn every page lick my finger. I didn't even think about that people do that never touching a library book fine. There's more bacteria on everyone of your devices. Could you bring them home to the bathroom? I don't bring my devices the bad. You don't bring your phone and jeopardy bathroom. Well, so I'm gonna do in the bathroom, but I'll bring my pen to the bathroom Albert bring my bed in his bathroom because I've cracked to ipad screens on the toilet not on the toilet. But on the bathroom tiles. They've fallen off my lap. You rest them on your lap. Not. Yeah. I do this is just hold them. Weird weird technique. You have. No, it's fine. Not like completely like, I still have a hand on them. But it's like, well, I'm gonna you know, also, use my mind leg to support this. I'm not holding the whole thing up, Tim. Schwarzenegger again Holden. I head up forever. It's true. That take I've I've never cracked knock on wood. And I phone screen, but I've cracked too. I bet screens the same way on the crap on on the toilet. Yeah. All right last words about a libraries. Book section. Oh, a lot of times. They have water found said a very cold water. It was just that the one library that we went to kids, but it always had it. Yeah. Very cold. Ray water a great library, very good library. Now. We grew up in a town with great library. They would have another thing libraries you book sales. Always like that when they would sell off their books presumably to upgrade the floors. But never happen. Every year. They'd be like don't worry hard would come in next year. The you didn't buy books at the book sale be ios book sales, and they weren't trying to rip you off their books would be so cheap. They're looking to get rid of these books. Too many goddamn books. Our luckily, we we didn't think about this enough. We bought too many books. You might have noticed. We have a lot of books we forgot. So we bought a bunch of new books guy. Get rid of these old book speak go there and just by like a time books nickel dime each the nickel dime. The that. He could've spent on a single photocopy. You could just get a whole book. Yeah. Here's the thing. You gotta put your name on a list for new releases. That's fine. You never need to read a book. Right. When it comes out. On and books going to be there for the rest of your life. I'm often this apposite me constantly were like new new release will become an oh, man. This book sounds great. I liked the author already or whatever. Or just sounds like we're at my alley. So excited so excited. And then y'all go to get it from the library on have it now. And immediately be like, oh, all right. I'll read it whenever. Usually one up reading I'll usually one up reading that book, but like a year later and not because it's you know, back ordered just like all right? There are other things to read so many other things there's like. Thousands of books, Tom. There's five six thousand books. I don't know. Too many. Yeah. Tom, do you wanna salt? Hey in that and or salute to libraries, thank you for listening. Tom. Do you want to solve a problem? Turn it up. Y'all. It's all the people know, you think people are rushing deterred enough this episode. We've lost the luggage. That's a problem. Temps found some ten. I'm Tom we're going to solve a problem. But if you have a problem you'd like us to self Email us at the complete guide to everything gmaiLcom, Tom. This problem comes to from a lady who doesn't want us to use her name. All right. What shall we? Call her. Let's call her. Suzanne Susan, Tim. Tom Llamas said her real name because you said her real name right before. So that was just the name of my head real professional said a different. You're smart, man. I'm less season is her real name and his all diversion his subterfuge. Tim, Tom, Tom, Tim longtime listener second time. Emailer. We've probably didn't. We're responding to emails. I mean, we own respond to a lot of the problems unless unless we resist. Yeah. People aren't writing in being like, I want you to like right out or no some people are writing in. They do pointing out like, hey, you got this thing wrong. Really, no shit. We got something wrong. We're we're dumb guys. Different thing every week that we know nothing about did. We get everything wrong. Maybe probably love the show of listening for years. I have a problem that perhaps you can help me with I've been dating this, dude. Let's call him Sherman for a little over a year. That's real name. He's a lovely man. Intelligent thoughtful. He's an aspiring comic and writer. He's okay. A bit formulaic in dead jokey. If you ask me, but his tenacity is admirable. I am not a stand up nor do I wish to be. But at the risk of sounding like a braggart. I m rather funny charming charismatic storyteller and have people cracking up all the time not necessarily on purpose. It's just part of my personality as suppose. I only tell you this because it directly relates to my problem often when Sherman, and I are talking he will get his phone out and make notes of my anecdotes jokes wording for use in his stand up and short stories. I've told him several times that I don't like it when he steals my jokes and stories, and he should come up with his own to which he tells me that I'm not doing that. I'm not doing stand up. So he may as will use this material. I do not like him, presenting my ideas as his own like I said, I am fond of him. But this Mencia bullshit is a huge turn off. What do I do? Thanks for your show. It's my absolute favorite. Please. Do not use. My name Suzanne. Dump him immediately. I don't mean to be blunt. But like. And I know that not her bay would feel the same way. But this guy sounds like a real crap. Head hit rhythm joke. Steeler. Yeah. Here's my thing. All right. They years. Your thing is somebody who frequently steals my jokes. I steal other people's jokes. No, you know, what? Look, if you're funny in you're not an aspiring spanned of comic, which I don't think anybody should be despising stead of comic become a stand up comic. Yeah. But also like also skip the Spiring party. We don't need more stand up comics. Now, we need more a lot lotta comedy clubs the empty every night Anne way, I say. Seasons. She just embraced this fine. Maybe he'll maybe like look what maybe he'll become like a big famous star of her back. And then he'll be I see Zan I'm famous now. Aniston? Jennifer Aniston isn't integral to his success. Did you see Brad Pitt winter fiftieth birthday Barney? No, yeah. It was a big deal. Wow. High hopes for those two that they'll get back together. Yeah. Both single actually don't care at all. No. You care. They seem fine. Brad Pitt's always eaten apple and I don't like it. What he's always eating in like his his stick in in movies. Yeah. Guy eating. I I don't wanna hear people frigging show Hanson. So anyway. No like BMI team. Right. Look he needs you to be successful. Hopefully, he'll be successful. And then, you know, then you're entitled to fifty percent of the profits. 'cause you're right in the material. And he's out there delivering it. What make make your romantic relationship, a business arrangement? That's always the best idea. I. Yeah. I mean, she didn't say if he's good. She said like he's dad jokey. But I'm curious if like is still liveries good. If if that's what's lacking. Because then in your case sure that might be a nice guy. Great delivery, just sucks as a writer. I have no interest in performing. But I am funny person. The other thing is if if you've frequently told him if you've told him even once like, I don't want you to do this don't do this. And he's gonna do it. Yeah. Maybe he's a jerk. Not maybe. And I was gonna say the fact that. To pull the like. Well, you don't perform stand up. So I so I I'm I can take them entitled to yet. That's horsh. It like doesn't matter if she performed Santa per not like that still. You know, if you tell me like an idea you have for a movie, and I go and write a screenplay based on that idea came back. Well, you didn't write it. It's like, yeah. It's still my idea. And this is even worse because it sounds like she's giving them. Willingly or whatever the fully formed chokes writing down and taking. All right has good delivery. And he's charismatic and you think he's any. But if he's already willing to steal that's unscrupulous. I remember I can't remember the situation by remember like cracking a joke once Nive another example of this. But like a cracking a joke wants somebody being like what was that again? And like I repeated the joke, and it was like one of those it was like a thing in a gruza yo Mamma joke, and they said, what did you say that my mom? No, it was like, you know, one of the things in a group, and I like had a funny turn of Fraser river and somebody like, everybody's laughing. And then like one person was live. And what was that? Again. They have their phone on the there were like transcribing it told him it. And then they're like, oh, man. So funny. I just tweeted it, I was like for you at your mind. Like, that's not yours. I said that and you know. Fuck Jerry that did that. But it was like it reminded me of that thing. Like, he's had me repeat it see you could get the wording. Right. And then you tweeted it that you're like mill no no court in America would convict me of murder. If I kill you, right. Over a tweet, I think calmed down following. I have. You're going to name names off, Mike. Before final judgment. I can't remember who I think it was like the like it happened. And I like severed all times that person after that. But everybody knows everybody's been in this situ, everybody funny like me you and Suzanne have been the situation of. Like cracking being in like a group or whatever and like cracking. A, you know, a joke under your breath to person next to you, and they go, and then they just repeated F O volume again, another like murder should be legal of somebody that I've I've been in situations like that at at former jobs for like somebody somebody did that this name I will name for you later. Somebody did that and like got a huge like like twenty people laughing at it. I like that was mine. I said that I'll kill you. Stop lavon. They're like, what are you? Why are you yelling? What are you piece together? A lot of your backstory, it'd be like well ahead to work at the library. They'll kill you in a co worker because he said my joke louder than I did. But you know. You know, I wouldn't change anything. I got some advice for season recording all your conversations with your boyfriend. Oh, if you're not doing that already. If you're in a relationship get on the program, and if he gets on stand up spotlight or something he's selling your chokes. He tells you jokes you have proof that you came up with them. Yeah. Yeah. It's just real. I mean, if you're funny season like maybe you should get up there. And. The world these their stand up comedian. But the very least you should not let us do not. Let your boyfriend get away with stealing especially when you've told them not to. Because what if like? He does get a good reaction. But he's still got his like old shitty jokes in his routine to. Oh, yeah. And then somebody's like, oh, those really funny like, oh, yeah. My girlfriend wrote wrote a lot of that. Now, you're getting all the the crap jokes pinned on to. That's true. No, send us your jokes. We'll do do them Justice. We're great delivery might like to hear some of her jokes. Yeah. Get your boyfriend's phone get the notes app because she probably she isn't right down or Joe shoot as overly funny. Yeah. Get it. Get get his notes, though, we wanna see these get the note send them send us the notes. And in the meantime, break up with them. Thank you for writing in. And again, if you have a problem you'd like self Email us at the complete guide to everything at g mail dot com. If you have. Money. You. Dot com slash Avezzano can spend on Amazon we get some of it. You know, check out patriots dot com slash complete guide for patriotic which new and improved now books the podcast, which if you like this library. Yeah. You're gonna love books the podcasts, which are mini episodes. But they haven't been so many lately. No, they've been almost as long as these episodes. So check those out patriot dot com slash complete guide. You can follow the show on Facebook. Facebook dot com slash complete guide foes on Twitter, complete guiding follow me on Twitter, and is Graham at Tom Reynolds. Foamy at your pal, Tim. What else I think you did it all jumbled? I think we're good. If you go to Northeastern University, we're going to be doing a show. They're very twenty six. Yeah. It sounds about right. Yeah. It's only open to students. I believe on fortunately students and guests. Maybe if you know somebody that goes there, but February twenty six Northeastern University, Boston, Massachusetts in bassin. He can come see me, and Tim, hey, and if you're a college in you're on like a program board or something and you want to show your school enquire within. Yeah. Email is complete everything. She mailed on. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll we'll refer you to our agent. Any final thoughts on libraries or the this woman's horrible boyfriend. I look she. Yes, she she. She told him flat out stop doing this. And he kept doing if you're in any kind of not to get too serious. If you're an a relationship in you've told me multiple times, not to do something. I mean, not for everything. I yeah. You can't be like like, I told you not to be fat. And that's that's not good. You can't do that. But like if they're stealing material, and you told them you don't like that. You don't want them to do that. That's fair. Talked about cold the water, fountains are right. Yeah. Yeah. The one library. There's probably others that of cold water fans. That's it. Go your local library. Yeah. They had a lot of services. Next week. Hickam podcast.