95 - Indiana Jones and the Monkey King, Part 4
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Oh Shit he's the Indiana Jones. The Monkey King in the Barrel Bananas Scripts I. It makes me sad. The Chris Columbus is still alive. He's that really a little. I mean I don't know if I would wish death on anybody. Wish death on him. I'm just disappointed. Did it hasn't come mass. Someone else has it and it worked for them. I'm the unlucky one ever about me and I'm very upset every good morning. Wake up on twitter Chris Columbus dead yet every yet. He's just he's just he's fucking boo. Google auto complete set now is an arrest Christopher. He's subscribed on Amazon to keep getting new dolls every moment like he's got the little go button. Get a hookup on custom-made Chris Columbus dolls dressed as Indiana the energy. Sometimes they send them to the explore. Let me explain why if I may previously on Table Reema so Chris. Columbus started this Indiana Jones script at a haunted castle in Scotland. Like Oh you do then. There was a legitimate ghost. Then Indiana Jones was fucking all his students then Indiana. The Anna Jones went to Africa to chase down a monkey man Ching of Legend. It's not an artifact 'cause you know how archaeologists look for people and his annoying student. Wouldn't that he was fucking tagged along dot more annoying. Some Nazis were following him around. I mean we don't even get a sense of why these Nazis were following him around other than maybe they got wind. Indiana Jones was going to be in town. That guy fucked with us before. Let's go see what he's up to. Oh Yeah and of course one of those Nazis has machine gun in his finger yes released. It wasn't as Dick Jeff. Loves loves the machine gun finger off the weight. You know what that could be the next part. It's a Dick Machine Gun. That's like an Austin powers movie with that of a dusk-to-dawn six machine turned around has played by Tom. Savini the makeup guy. Maybe he did this Gyn so yes. It starts off like Scooby Doo movie. And so far it has now turned into a James Bond movie. And I'm I'm I'm just guys angry about it sean angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Angry Indiana Jones escape from expedition. Get almost five and a half feet tall fade in. Interior warehouse deshields speedboat bursts through another another wall the boats where we stopped in the middle of an action sequence by the way there was a speedboat fight. Sorry it was a it was a good stopping inside the doc now fiterman fishing. Not Sorry. It was a director's choice. You can do whatever the fuck you fuck those guys. Yeah I'm Steven Spielberg today. Uh deshields speedboat bursts through another wall the boats kids ads across the warehouse floor screeching to a stop a shaken dish. You know it was a cliffhanger. It's appropriate for Indiana Jones movie. We see him crashing through a wall and then save the rest for next week boom. That's what this is supposed to be about India under Shell all survive in the Nazi speedboat. Chase find out next week tuning in to the table. Reads podcast shaken. Does she'll gets out not stirred. Indy runs to the window. Indiana's Pov. I see what you did. There is like a James Bond movie now job yeah the Nazi speedboat shoots out of the docks SOx escaping across the Water Indiana grabs his whip. Oh God I hope whiffs it. All the way just grabs that boat. He Kicks Open the warehouse window. He snaps his wrist. Crack the whip shoots forward attaching itself to the rear of the Nazis vote. Ah Yes every time. I think. I'm like predicting something ridiculous and absurd. That couldn't possibly happen Await dude again. Ridiculous thing a soundtrack we'll soar attaching itself to the rear of the Nazi speaker speedboats speaker. That's what you get. When Ernie leaves this shively on speed Burton indy firmly grips the end of the whip? The whip tightens whoosh. Indiana is pulled out of the window. I hope that he okay here. We go water skis behind the Nazi. Speedboat a hope at one point he kills gutter bugged by whipping his arm and then making him to go to bug exchange it on the board. Yeah got her bug exchanges victorious. Laugh with Rudolph the speedboat driver. Who did he gator? Every single thing that appears on the screen helmets is killed to Nazis with names that never spoke helmets and Klaus never had a line of dialogue. Rudolph has to have a blinking red nose. I thought this was the deer from the zoo that he didn't shoot affect healthy situation sped me so I became gets a job Stockholm Syndrome. Also all speak Lexus. I didn't know if he knows that. Especially when we from Mozambique also vice a Muslim beak should not be a gazelle or something it probably was. He didn't know what it was called. The deer wins the Internet. Cummings like look this up. I did it. I did it again. I swear to God I'm not looking ahead. Gutter bug exchanges a victorious laugh with Rudolph the speedboat driver thinking they have lost Indiana a frightened tiki looks back is is suddenly filled with hope. Got Her turns his mouth drops open. Indiana uses his whip hip to water ski behind the Nazi speedboat. Who is dead Sean? Stra dominance is here. Yeah Eh predict more good stuff. red-faced Gutter Bug slams. His fist on the dashboard. He removes a sharp knife. He hurriedly begins to slice through these. Whip trying to break the connection. Indiana aims his pistol. It gutter bug but suddenly shot wizards by Indy's head followed by another and another coming from behind indy turns a second. Nazi speedboat is in hot pursuit there are five Nazis inside here are all their names armed with pistols and rifles else all firing shots at Indiana. Meanwhile Gutter bugs knife continues to slice through indy's with only a few threads remain. Indiana performs some expert water skiing swerving spinning jumping all in an attempts to avoid the flying bullets from behind suddenly in these whip. Snaps Indiana falls under water directly in the path of the second Nazi speedboat Tiki. Heights is is got our bug laughs. It appears that Indiana has met a grisly jess. The Nazis in the second speedboat are hard to light it nothing shaking camera pans ends to below the speedboat. We move underwater soundtrack music store. I'm seeing the very much alive. He straddles the bottom of this speeding. Right he caught it. Everybody know can retarded. The smooth of a boat with his grip fingers non-gun right with his eyes is rattling it. He's down like it's a horse underwater. Susan War I've never felt so much like committing murder Moore on a human before. This is fantastic. I hate you too many bad things. Terrible things things like in this movie is not one. Oh my God Holding on with all of his strength Indiana climbs toward the site of the speedboat. Battling the pressure of the rushing. Water Camera Follows Indiana out of the water as he climbs aboard the second speed backing Nazis. There were five. I guess one suddenly died are laughing talking. Their backs turned to the approaching Indiana moving like lightning. Indy grabs one of the Nazis and tosses him overboard with a swift punch to the stomach and jaw. Andy sends another Nazi into the water. Glad to Nazis Tackle Lindy they fall to the deck fighting driving. The boat. Gutter bug looks back. Shocked that India's still alive. Gutter Bug growls frustrated. His eyes suddenly light. He spots something ahead. That's its own paragraph two Gargantuan. Ocean liners are moving toward each other coming together. There is an opening between the two ships that continues to get smaller as the ship's move closer. Gutter bugs smiles in idea a completely original idea that we've never seen anything before. He Orders Rudolf to drive. Through the opening in the the second speedboat the Nazis Overcome Indiana one Nazi pins indy. Down the other removes a thick metal chain from his neck. A red swastika dangles from the chain. The Nazi wraps the chain around Indy's neck. He begins to Strangle Indiana got her bugs speedboat moves toward the the ocean liner the opening between the two ships continues to sink shrink skews. Jesus hungry guys. Getting smaller. Caller and new paragraph smaller new paragraph those second speedboat is directly behind gutter bug. The Nazis are strangling in Indiana. The color begins to leave. Indy's face he gasps for air. The opening between the two ocean liners continues to get smaller alert less than ten feet wide guys. Who are these cruiseliner captains? What mm-hmm dare they do? They're also drunk. Look how close we can yet fuck nuts sued over here will come real close and pass it. Only idiots would come this this way. They had the hall actually turn left and Right I. I don't even know where I am. Oh Yeah shutterbugs. Speedboat is only a few feet away through his fluttering eyes Indiana Indiana sees gutter bugs speedboat headed for the ocean liners. Indiana is nearly unconscious the giggling Nazis the chain around his neck viscous this man. Now Look I. Love also liners hog just like see la spun with less than an inch to spare gutter bug speedboat squeezes between the two ocean liners the second speedboat is only a few feet from the ocean liners but as the ship's move closer the the opening is nearly closed the driver can't turn away he's too close. He emits a screen. The Nazis pause us from Strangling Indiana. They turn indy moves fast. He dives overboard into the water. Yeah we know overboard is we know this is a a water boat. This isn't like some weird sand boat into the lava water boat. It could be an airship airship known this movie. It could have been yet. No it could have been the skiff on talk to wean it. Dives overboard into the mystery. Missions of the Sarlak pits home. The speedboat hits the opening two small the speedboat is crushed between the two ocean liners the Nazis. Let out their final screams. It really is just die thing. It's not wilhelm it's followed by a fiery explosion flaming pieces of the wreckage or splattered through the night sky. DOTS ARE BERG TURNS HIS GRINNING SADISTIC FACE LIT by the explosion. TIKI is is are filled with fear Tiki also not aligned a dialogue. So far I don't think he can talk several feet away. Indiana Jones surfaces alive. He swims to the beer by short. Hold on he services. I'll live like fifty nine pages into the script his lifeless excellent corpse bodice to the top of the water. His face destroyed from the explosion and seen and the rest of the movies about betsy. She puts on Indy's hat. Somebody get that man Pete. Belong joins them museum cluttering Bessie get together. He swims to the nearby shore and climbs out of the water. The nearby shore. How close are these? Ocean liners to the shore could be a Jedi. That's what I'm imagining imagine. He couldn't be a fucking shore imagining Chris. Columbus doesn't know what the fuck he's doing no absolutely not. He rubs his reddened neck catches his breath and looks into the distance indices. shutterbugs speed BURP too far to catch. Which only my whip were three miles? Long Jam Ocean Liners shutterbugs sees the silhouette of indie standing on the distant shore. You can tell because he still has his hat on through all this long as it's got live Bayton it would be all right. Oh yeah I bet he catches a fish now Gutter bug orders the driver to move faster. The engine Roars Gutter Bug. Looks back at Indy. The Nazi emits a maniacal. Laugh that pierces the air where I don't know what a German one I know. I like to laugh. I'm like why like grew up. Yeah Indiana watches the speedboat escape into the night his is filled with rage. Vengeance Clare scraggy scraggy and a very drunk betsy joining the on the shore. Betsy puts her arms around Indiana. She rests her head on his shoulder. She closes closes her eyes and emits a drunken PSI water relented and annoyed. Indy Pushes Betsy the away in the water. I would hope in a drunken stupor. Betsy moves to the next person player thinking. She's still with Indiana Anna. Betsy puts her arm around Clare. A worried Clare is too concerned with the departing Nazi speedboat player turns to inquiry they Tiki may know is important to us though. Use them to bargain for this school. Eyes closed resting her head. Unclear shoulder betsy size. Do you smell so good. So Masculine S. killing Claire Pushes Betsy away. Betsy spins and wraps her arms around scraggy clear watches the Nazi speedboat. Disappear into the night you will. They be following US every step of the way betsy still thinking. She's snuggling with Indiana rubs her face against scraggy briskly beard will they be following every step of the way the then why are they driving away maybe the following us yes in the opposite direction. They're going to. They're about a bus to your house. Niki Nazis are. They follow you by running away. They'll be coming on the opposite horizon from the right around the earth. The most efficient indy. I love it when you don't shave. Its so sexy. scraggy scraggy pushes betsy away. She spins this time putting her arms around. Hanging fisherman's net filled with fish. Meanwhile L. scraggy looks at Indiana in clear and Dula. God of purity say always stay ten paces ahead of bad spirit exactly likely we can't let the Nazis get to the city I they do. They'll wipe out one of the greatest archeological finds in history. Indiana turns and walks away Clare and scraggy hurriedly follow. There's no time to lose the drunken betsy continues to embrace the net of dead fish. Betsy turns is closed. She smiles how about a little goodnight. Kiss Betsy kisses the lips of a dead fish. She smiles impressed. Indie you really know how the way girls high betsy opens opens her eyes face to face with the dead fish. Betsy screams and runs toward the departing. Indiana Clare and scraggy return ever this brief word from our sponsor. He's what's up dachshund dockets Trevor Thompson. They self appointed looney tunes critic here. And if you like old cartoons and watching online reviewers dissect them then. You probably had the same thing I did about two years ago. A what the. We are watching every Saturday morning. I do a brand new commentary of Warner Brothers Short all throughout the month. I do video. Essays examining the history of these cartoons. Catch my videos on YouTube dot com slash embarrass wheelhouse too or just use the Hashtag looney tunes credit now. Here's Eric Thousand. The New Voice of bugs bunny looney tunes critic gear it. Is Your cell phone bill out of control than this is your wake-up call the new track phone wireless gives you unlimited talk and text starting at twenty dollars a month no contract plus unlimited carryover data with active service. Yup The new phone wireless. Now Your in control see terms and conditions at track phone dot com. Oh boy so the movies report which means your script Ain't worth the bubble sheet on a nickel not only. Is this script getting more and more stupid stupid. I feel like it's making me more and more stupid. How dare justify doing itself to me in doing itself to me? So I think there's some efficacy to what Sean says I feel like if you read enough stupid shit you become more stupider Si Si. You're grammar gets all fucked up at. Does I start misspelling things in my verbiage. I don't hello. I'm digging this as like a popey stupid advice like gone right. I'm gone from the realm of like cool like mystery history tree architectural shit. Now just seeing this as popey punching the Nazis getting not one but two girls and possibly their mom and then you get like the racist sad character and all the shit like I love. It wasn't Indiana Jones. It would be more entertaining. Just any pulp serial cereal. He'll hero back in the day but they slapped an Indiana Jones movie. Yeah this should've been Montana Smith or something that's right Jersey. Joe Goes Down for the joke goes to Africa. Was this big romancing the stone to why are you. Why are you here? They were out the bagels of my favorite. Join y'all got any bagels the four. Oh Five Oh yeah. What exit? Mozambique fade in Exterior Zambesi River the following day. I said it right this time because they may see them best like US embassy row right before but I couldn't say river. I tried like three times. We've all grown. That was two weeks ago. Maybe that's play don't remember. I can't remember anything episode to the script early morning. The sparkling waters of the Zambezi are lined aligned with by thick jungle sounds of screeching gibbons exotic birds entering is sex and various other wildlife echo from from the jungle gym bright rays of hot sunlight sprinkle through the the leaves of the towering palm trees a fifty five foot tattered wooden riverboat. The ADOBO travels along. The ambassad in the boat is filled with various crates and barrels of supplies and there are several men crew members all native of natives of Mozambique Motley crew. All armed with swords and daggers. They are dirty tattered unkempt. Are we turning into a pirate movie now is is he just. Are we doing an anthology here. That's what it seems like. We've got our Scooby Doo movie. We've got our James Bond movie. We've got our suicidal psycho girl darrelle movie and now we're moving into our pirate movie. Is that what's happening. I'm so stoked I changed my voice. Our guests me scraggy and the crew. Aw girl coming on the banana barrel. It's like Steven Spielberg's like Chris. You want to try to write a movies like yeah. Well I got five short films. I think I can stay. Together is a little before his time. Net Flex it would work. Yeah True Mirror. The boat pulls a long wooden raft behind it. Scratches model is attached to the raft. One of the crew members numbers. A young man sits on the raft. He strums a beaten guitar seen folk song. India Indiana stands at the ship Steering wheel forehead covered with sweat. He guides the ship along twisting waters. Clear exits from a cabin carrying stenographer's offers note book. She looks radiant. Her Red Hair simmers in the morning. Sun Claire Walks up beside indy. She crinkles her knows. What is that? Awful Aroma scrag is taking a shower. Andy points off. Screen scraggy fully clothed stands. He's here he rubs a large fresh onion over his face. Arms and legs squeezing the onion juice over his body. Indiana explains ends to be funneled. Claire you believes that onions keep bad spirits from entering his body writing in her notebook in all my years of anthropology apology. I've never run across anyone. Anything quite like scraggy Easter rare-breed you looking very lovely. y'All looking very lecherous. Just try to be friendly. Save it for the schoolgirls look Clare. Betsy is just an anxious archaeological. Although bets he's just an anxious archaeological in dirt take three take three all right. All Right Book Clare. Betsy is just an anxious archeology student. She admires my work. Who can blame her? But it's just kind of hero worship thing that's you. There was never any romance and Betsy. POPS IN FROM OFF SCREEN KISSES INDIANA. I dreamed about our first night together. Indy size is clear disgustingly shakes her head. She continues to scrawl more into her notebook. Indiana gives her a startled. Look you writing this down. I'm I'm keeping an accurate record of our journey. What's that got to do with my personal life evidence? I plan on testifying of child molestations Buddy says it all Indiana shakes his head staring into the distance he sighs. Why do I do this to myself holding her head in pain? Betsy Turns Declare Your Monitor. Hey Lady he's he's supposed to be a doctor. You got any kids for a hangover. The Best I've heard was used by a New Zealand tribe one part. It crushed owls scowl two pots rhino saliva one part Zebra Dandruff Betsy Space Become Pales Indian tour. No no now get a get a cup of donkey sweat who spoons of skunk hair and one pint of shredded Lizard Tongue. Betsy turns a light. Shade of green scraggy argues bye always use family cure. Two spoons chopped Leeches AFC. Cup Horse Mucus Two quarts crocodile urine. Excuse me betsy runs off screen. The others exchange a shrug. scratchy looks at the river ahead. How far we travel traveling? The northernmost twenty miles and he signed the Nazis -Mongst we keep up this pace. They'll have trouble track so real quick. You know how the Lady Marian from the first movie Marian Raver Marion Raven. Even you know how she was awesome and then like the one in Temple of doom was real annoying on even remember her name. It's almost like Chris. Columbus is like all right. I'll make people like that lady. And then they made us like Marion. Raven would in the fourth. Uh I don't know what Force Indiana you needed. Stay off the drugs. Son knocked for the fourth. Indiana Jones. Movie Sky fantastical imaginings. I watched the fourth movie movie like it ended with the skull. Just putting the information in her head. She had a fever camera pans. It's from the hopeful faces of Indiana scraggy and Clare to the cabin behind them here. A crew member hides in the shadows his face hidden. He holds a small radio. Receiver he whispers into the receiver speaking in perfect German. Cut To cuts. You hopefully an explanation of why the Nazis have so many troops and people in Africa and in weird places places like. Don't you have a war to fight. Why did they steal Tiki? If they're planning was just to follow Indiana E-eh Jones Anyway Kinda showed their hand. They could've just been following them and then it'd been fun. Didn't need to steal the kid. He offers nothing. Yeah yeah if we're just going to follow this guy around this. Leave the kid with them. Yeah if you're gonNA take Tiki then just hang out bright thank you India. Take the kid away. They didn't take him to lure indy. They took him so he can lead them to be artifacts right but there's just following him now they're following in they realized multipronged attack if you will have one group of people taking Tiki and going to get the stuff. They have another group of people making sure. Indy isn't getting to rescue TIKI Thir- they're like we have learned our lesson with his mother. Fucker we throw every. Oh No. You're on your way to Poland. Turn around gets Africa. We got a situation Waesche in down here whole and can wait another couple of years. Two girls a crazy taxi driver. And some fucking archaeologists the most complicated speedboat not seasons of a cut to gutter bug no week gutter bubblegum bubble. He's time I leave utter bug. He spells it differently. Just a bunch of noises. He is seated in Nazi headquarters. He repairs his detached machine gun arm which sits on the table beside him is detachable attachable like a real gun behind gutter bug a group of Nazis. Listen on the radio. Transmission of scraggy Draghi's treacherous crew member who discloses the location of the Riverboat. The Nazis chart out the boat's exact location on a large wall map. Lieutenant mephisto supervises the project tiki bound gagged and bruise watches from a corner. LEF- Isto looks at all the Nazis. V must leave immediately dissolves to night in the jungle. You mean exterior cheerier jungle night right because that's how you write a script night in the jungle. Various shots of exotic animals a creeping panther a sleepy white bat a tense Scorpion. Scorpions smoke a cigarette. Like Jesus guys rafter meet thereafter me coming up. They're gonNA find me a family of crocodiles KC aboard ship. Indiana scraggy Clare and Betsy are gathered on the deck seated in a circle they are surrounded by the crew members. Everyone eats their dinner from tin cans. The surroundings are. You can't stop. Thanks Scorpion so are your key. Remember to push my mic away. I've got a mute button. You know fucking would've been surrounding lanterns. Cast an eerie light on the area. The young crew member plays a soft spooky tune on his guitar. Betsy he is restless she glares guitar player. Don't you know something else. Something upbeat the Guitar Players Guitar player Ignores Betsy for every time that someone is betsy this is like an indicator the you can just remove that character if you completely cut betsy out of the script all it does is make the script more tolerable unless the last act is his trial Oh for being a pedophile. That's what it is. This is escaping extradition. This all why is he on the riverboat. There's no monkey king. He's just avoiding going imprison dumper body behind the waterfall. Done a monkey king tooker betsy sighs upset board. So it's so hot stuffy. Do we have to stay on the stupid boat all night. We have to to keep moving. Can we at least jump in the water. Go for a swim. There's an old legend about this embassy. In ancient times uh-huh criminals were given a choice of execution all swimming. Across this. I'm busy most chose execution clears right. We'd be safer on the boat. Now quit Monin and eat your food. Why doesn't someone just say there're fucking crocodiles and leeches? They don't have to because in the scene gene set up there is just a family of crocodiles. Yeah just someone point like what. What's with this legend? The criminals given a choice of execution. or Ah like fucking crocodiles. I'm so smart stakes better yet. Don't tell her say sure. Yeah go bills for swim. Swam good luck bitch onion. Smell ask slut. Well scraggy bed. You've got an smelling. I JUST WANNA say apologized to sean for his betsy because this is about the be no I love his entertaining but can't hold out the four four paragraph. Yes yes he just he just has to do the wrist flick. Yeah in angry. Betsy tosses her tin can overboard. She stands this furious within the. Don't get proper with me man. You are so rude. I traveled thousands of miles just to be with you in. Everybody treats me like dirt clear. Nobody even talks to me without making some condescending remark. They think think I'm too stupid to understand so maybe I don't know a lot about weird tribal dances. I'm still pretty good with anthropology and archaeology. Maybe I could even help you out if somebody gave me a chance. Clued me in to what it is doing here because whether you like it or not not in Indiana Jones. I'm part of this expedition. To that was amazing. Klay raises an eyebrow compressed. Indiana says nothing. He can't argue. He could scraggy interjects. My friends also curious about about where we journey to indy. They have to steer the boat where Well it's a river so I'm assuming. Ns the rick or down not the other way. The crew members nod staring at Indiana. The crew members all apparently understand English in Mozambique Staring Indiana Indiana turns earns declare. She smiles. Just tell us all a bedtime story to Jones Indiana size. The crew crew members. Guitar playing combines with the soundtrack backing up Indiana's story with an eerie tune. Get adjust the head so I was completely empty long ago. A place known as Flower Fruit Mountain in the Chinese unease province of a lie for struck by lightning a stone monkey Sun Blue Kung was born this monkey ee. We could walk talk like human more than US blessed with countless heavenly powers but it wasn't enough Sun Move Kung wanted to to learn the secret of eternal life of immortality equipped with his golden who drawed to protect him. Sun Wu Kung travel the world for many many years learning the secret philosophies and teachings of Terminal Youth. Eventually you was granted entrance to heaven were the Jade Emperor gave son Mook Kung on the title of great siege of the heavens and permitted him to oversee the garden of immortal peaches it made in Georgia millions of peach. After several years the stone monkey return to somewhere honors here he ruled an empire fire civilization of monkeys and humans who had life spans of many hundred years. Exact whereabouts of the lost city has been a mystery. For hundreds of years until Doctor Clarke discovered the pygmy the crew members scraggy betsy and clear. Listen with fascination it's uncertain just just how much of this legend is based in reality nevertheless we're hoping to find some sign of the loss civilization. What about Sun? We'll come whatever. He was a stone idol. An actual monkey a human being is unknown mobile Joe Joe but he is one of the most influential religious figures in history and his remains are most likely somewhere in the lost city. Suddenly they are interrupted by a distant unsound. A low rumbling sound was czar on earth. Saly unlike anything. We've heard before I do that. Just by putting the mic down on my stomach right now Indiana turns describing sound familiar. It is far far away. Kamini miles what is it. Seemed Kinda weird animal. No animal sounds like that could be burns. E Baba on Saba bouncy bubble is giant demon. From hell he is fifty feet tall. Tom Breathes Phya. Mix Sound like human. Never hear before he is made up of all evil. Indoor Terry thought the sound suddenly stops everyone exchanges a frightened terrified glance Indiana stance. Whatever the hell it is it went to sleep for the night? Just is what we should do cut to later that night. Long shots the boat. The boat sales along the river beneath the moonlight alone crew member stays awake at the steering wheel other crew hate the heat like breaks up sentences. I know people listening to this or like. Why is he reading this? Like some sort of spastic. But it's because there's a fucking period there there are other crewmembers sleep along. The Deck scraggy sleeps in a hanging cot. Indiana is asleep in his cabin. Suddenly the door. Slowly Creeks Open. A shadow appears on the wall. COMING TOWARD INDIANA. The shadow extends a hand. The hand grabs indy's blanket Indi wakes he leaps out of bed and tackles the mysterious person Indie flips on the cabin lamp. The intruder is none other than betsy. See Indiana polls betsy were feet. She gives a flirtatious smile. Couldn't sleep the heat. I'm in the mood for passion. I'm in the mood for Isolation Indiana leads betsy to the open door. He begins to push her back outside. Betsy stops him. I'm not leaving. That's all I get a kiss. Let's see one kiss or else screen. I swear I'll take the awake. The whole boat in Indiana has no choice he size okay. Just one leans toward her laws. Keep your mouth close they kiss. Betsy wraps her arms around Indiana. Turn it into a passionate kiss at that moment across the hall. Clare Exits the bathroom toothbrush in hand. She sees the kissing. Indiana and Betsy Clare Stairs open mouth shocked. Indiana opens his is. He sees Claire Watching them in angry. Claire Marches into a room. She slams the door. We hear Claire locking the door behind her and moving a piece of furniture in front of the door. Indiana pushes betsy away angry. He quickly closes his door. Betsy walks back to. We're room a huge satellite satisfied. Smile covers her face. denied the the following morning sunrise peaceful. Call Bird sink. The riverboat has traveled countless miles into the heart of the embassy. A tired crew member man's man the boats steering wheel camera pans down a thing that cameras don't do moving along the side of the boat. We stop at water level. A hand shoots out of the water gripping rusted sharp knife followed by another hand and another and another until well there are countless hands reaching for the side of the river boat. The hands grab hold of the boat. Several dark figures slowly rise is out of the water. Only the outlines of the bodies are visible backlit by the rising sun. The figures climb up the side of the boat carefully creeping moving silently island down through the centuries. highlander referenced of solid. Indiana stands on the rear deck shirt wrapped around his waist. He is shaving player sits a few feet away writing in her journal. Indy glances to her curious. What's that you're writing? The Erotic Adventures of Indiana Jones professor of perversity is professor of fucking talking. We establish that right. I'm pretty sure we did very vert city very funny camera pans to the front deck stopping on the driver. He stares ahead steering the ship. Suddenly a fear appears behind the driver. The figure grabs the driver around the neck before the driver can scream. The figure slices his throat. scraggy groggy witnesses this through an open porthole. Stop breaking up sentences. I think his comedy is broken. His face covered with shock fear interior lower cabin kitchen. Betsy stands over large skillet. She fries pancakes lifting the first pancake bleep. Betty places betsy places it on a plate that rests beside her. Betsy turns to get another pancake. A hand reaches from offscreen. The hand grabs the pancake from the betsy turns back. She sees the empty plate. She is puzzled. Confused fused she shrugs pleasing other pancake on the plate. She turns back to the skillet again. A hand grabs the pancake. Now we're back on Scooby Doo. This is this bad. Betsy turns again season empty plate. She hears giggling behind her. She turns and sees sees in Oriental. Pirate all yeah. She hears giggling bit. uh-huh oh a tall muscular. The pirate towers above betsy. He is dressed in colorful tattered clothes. The pirate laughs off. Aw his bloated mouth dribbles with pancake crumbs. Betsy steps back frightened. The pirate removes a dagger from his belt is is filled with the pirate moves toward betsy. Finally she's GonNa get laid. She grabs the wheel throwing hot oil in the pirates. Face he screams. Betsy dashes out of the kitchen. Indiana has nearly finished shaving. He tries to convince Claire of his innocence. She continues to write ignoring. You're blowing this betsy thing. All out of proportion Indiana leans down. He rinses his face facing a large bucket of water. A dagger flies into frame. Just Missing Indiana it sticks to the wall a few feet above indy's head player witnesses witnesses. This shocked unaware of the danger. Indiana raises his head out of the bucket but still tries to reason to clear. It's it's not as if I have this sleazy reputation. Park is trying to interrupt indy trying to point out the dagger but before she can say a word. Indiana again leans into the water a bucket another dagger shoots into frame into the wall. This time only inches. Above Indy's head Indiana again resists assists head. I am a respected honored and admired player. Leaps forward she pushes indy out of the way moments before another dagger flies into frame sticking into the wall Indian clear turn three pirates. Stand there dirty toothless ugly early swords extended they move toward Indiana and clear in design. Starts the water bucket table. His weapon pistol rest. They're out of reach Indian clearer trapped the pirates move closer suddenly allowed screen. The pirates look up scraggy swings wings from a rope above man toward the pirates before the pirates can react scraggy crashes into them. They tumbled to the Deck Jack. scraggy shoots to his feet. He tosses a spare swords. Indy scraggy and indy begin to sword fight. The pirates Claire Turns Dashing around the corner to safety a sudden stop. Her face is buried in the Harry. Bare chest of Kasur. An enormous bear like pirate king hasn't bathed in years. He is dressed in several layers of tattered colorful foreclosing golden jewelry and animal skins. His stringy hair is long tied in a ponytail behind his head. A thick long moustache actually wraps around a large mouth filled as crooked. Golden Teeth Clare. shrieks change your grabs around her waist. He tosses says Clare over his shoulder but riverboat is overcome with a mixture of Oriental and black pirates soundtrack. Music Soars there is a heated battle between the crew members and the pirates fists. Flying swords clashing gnashing using her Brooklyn. Street smarts betsy fights like a pro with a swift punch and kick betsy defeats one pirate. No she takes his sword. No another pirate comes for betsy. She edges him on line. You Ain't so tough you wouldn't. Last is ten minutes in Brooklyn the pirate attacks. He and Betsy beginning. WE'RE HEATED SWORD FIGHT INDIANA AND SCRAGGY continue due to battle the onslaught of sword slinging pirates. Suddenly India's interrupted by Clair's loud screen. He turns a pirate. Ship has appeared beside the riverboat. The ship is ancient ominous countless pirates or aboard the ship. Armed with guns bows and arrows news and cannons feed sir. I'm going to end on another cliffhanger. Who knows how much longer this damn fight goes on around thirty two more pages and honest him really hungry right now? And I'm like slurring my words I need energy so badly ad-lib needs a food slurry. Can you help them out. Geoff Foley work. Land up whatever's on the menu. Put it in there. They're pouring down the gullet. I don't like to get beat him like a bird so guys pirates. I was out the movie number three. I was out in Baggies or three three minutes in this one strip poor right. Oh we're probably a five now with the pirates. Yeah it's a lot. They are going up a river too. So I'm getting a little apocalypse now Mishra some. I was getting apocalypse now but then with the funny bits. If I'm not mistaken that was a bit in the mummy when he was on the ferry boat and the lady sobbed dodging and people kept trying to stabber ever and shit like moving around. I don't even remember that movie movies. Great Brendon Frazier in the moment on. Oh yeah this this gift is garbage. I'm really glad that Java's enjoying it. I was out for a minute and now yeah with the big pirates pirates and bear pirate king. Yeah fucking back in power boat comes up there. Man Onto food onto the boat with daggers and their guys with cannons imposing arrows and guns show up. What's the elevator pitch for this movie? All right it's Indiana Jones owns versus bear with me ghosts Nazis high rates. What else what? I miss his his own destructive. Tendencies to have sex Zeman's yeah he's only infidelity boom. I'm hitting the stop on the elevator. I'm here in the rest of this story. Jeff you have nothing Josh. Go Joshua Baker DOT COM. Me Joshua J.. Baker I do voice over work. do podcasts. And I I do. Some podcasts. Wanted this table. READS DOT COM table reads podcasts dot com off the last stop listening and follow me on Instagram at X.. Cure Kelly. Check out my sweet. New Devil May cry outfit I'm pretty cool. ooh Okay Yeah for real guys though. Shake another Co host Deli. Check out her on instagram. She's at X.. Kira Era Kelly. Like demand said that's K. I. R. A. K. E. L. L. Y.. We just recently dragon con. She had several awesome costumes and they are worth looking at because she is great. She do scarlet witch. She did concept concept art version of scarlet because normal scarlet which movie is quite boring. Yes she is. She also did a great She was part part of a group doing a great Disney game of thrones crossover was Sawn Surreal Mash Up. Show you all this. It's bad as it's amazing anyway For more table reads go table reach. PODCASTS DOT COM. You can follow us on instagram and twitter at the table reads and if you WanNa know everywhere in the world you can listen to this podcast go to tale reads podcast dot com slash. Listen there's a link. Click on something. Then subscribe Eb next week. We'll be back for part five of Indiana Jones three and until then guys. We'll miss you. PODCAST was created by Sean. Make being for more visit table. READS PODCAST GAS DOT COM to black. 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