Episode 53 - How to Make Better Financial Decisions by Focusing on Your Emotions with Anne Beaulieu
Welcome to the agent of wealth podcast with Marc out from voters financial. In this podcast Mark Helps Guide you towards financial freedom ensure never run out of money and create a balance in life that prioritizes what is most important to you. Join us for this journey as Merck draws from years of expertise and guest. To solve the multiple wealth-building challenges involved in your financial life. Welcome back to the agent wealth podcast. This is your host Mark Badass. When it comes to our money were always thinking about the numbers, but today I brought on special guest and blue to talk about how the emotional side of our money and finances is just as important. And as a financial emotional intelligence coach, speaker and author who assists in really understanding what money means to US emotionally so that we can make better money decisions. She's the founder offensive of Osh. The heart of money matters a regular Forbes contributor and the author of twenty nine books in the emotionally intelligent way series, and brings a unique perspective to something that permeates every area of our lives, money and welcome to the show. Thank you mark rumph Jim, a welcoming me and then vitamin me on your show. I really like this topic I've been in financial services for over twenty years, and it really took me a while to realize how much emotions play into people's decisions about about money. So, how did you get started into into being a financial motion coach? You as long so laurie. I thought it in in finance. Finance on. I was a chartered financial analyst, but if you had asked me a work, the government I worked for companies that had billions and billions under asset. Under management. But if you had asked me back then, if I was financially literate, I would have said yes. But looking back I was a financial idiot. And the reason for that is. I money controlled me. I did not know how I felt about money. If I if you asked me how I followed was anxious a worried. If I had the money to pay the bill I was worried I was anxious. If I didn't have the money to pay the bills, I was anxious and. Exiled, he came from is I did not look at it. Either didn't look at the past on thought I can just go on with my life and get the diplomas and work in if I work hard enough on save some money, because in all those beliefs and been talked to childlike I grew up dirt for. IBM OF A back row. It's not only pay. Tomo Farm. And so I never looked at all this stuff. And I went on in this career in finance, but money make money exacerbated. It made it worse of how I felt the more money I had, and I married an I be had it may. We had everything on the song. Had would be called the white picket fence. All of them and I still felt anxious about money. It was never now. It's even one reason why when we divorced. My ex-husband denied because we couldn't see eye to eye about money. It was was something of Promise myself I would never be like my parents with never fight about money like they did, but I didn't even though we had it, so, I saw both ends of the spectrum and I realize holy cow I need to do something about this, so then I hired a hired amount. Okay, who was more fighting? Mostly Dollar Gym than I was. And he basically took me by the hand, and explain to me, are we make decisions, and then was like lightbulb went on at non non non. I dedicated I became an expert on emotional intelligence in when I felt confident enough a rod both fields back in and I became the financial issue. Coach I today. Putting. Off Now that's a Lotta Times. That's how it that's how it happens. But I think what you mentioned. How anxious you are about money I'm sure that's a common feeling that that people have and it's probably. You know it's probably works are comes out differently like some people like you said they have money, but but they probably never feel that there's enough or they always want more. And then there's probably on the other side everyone. There's people that worry I. Don't have enough money, and you know what what do I do. What do I do next? So it probably runs that that anxiousness probably runs the gamut of of people. And people don't understand I didn't understand it back. Anita like you know hours raised. Keep your feelings on business. Biggest lie ever. We make all decisions emotionally, I. Like, I have clients for example. And I did exercise with that? I, said, do you rationally if I wanted to prove that we make decisions emotionally I so do you rationally welcome one million dollars in your records by now? And defiant will hell yet. And got so excited and it was all exuberance. And laughter Mama, Great. Let's see. Let's pretend imagine you're walking in the desert rat now. There's nobody. You. All by herself, it's quiet. It's peaceful. All of a sudden. You find a black of fullback. And as you open it, you find one million dollars in on locked there. What feeling came. Most people. It's anxiety. It's worrying. And Got Client was anxiety here. The whole face dropped. And I said. That exile reference a belief o'memory. What was Esau fashion your face and she was like? Mafia. So I said in order for you to have one million dollars in your bank account. It's either drug money on your part of the Mafia or something. Like that makes no sense, it makes no rational sense, not because we all make decisions emotionally I in the US are dominant feeling. To validate the believes and memories. We have associated with that feeling about money. Than I ask. How do you feel when you pay rent? Inside. The appeal when you pick this or that exiled, it was anxiety everywhere. As so than what made you think it would be different when a million dollars would be placed in front of you? And that same client I saw I saw them today, and we did another exercise. 'cause they're determined to like I'm tired of feeling anxious money and I said. How much would you like to make so? They gave a number. And I said. Would you feel comfortable? Saying how much you are to your mother under when? Your father and they went. They literally back to back off a motion and physically. Ns than what makes you think you can earn that amount when you cannot own it emotionally i. In order to have we must be. Than it became more homework. But we make decisions emotionally. I even when it comes to money. Yeah so, how do you start i? Guess when you start an engagement with someone. Where where do you start with that? We know. How do you start it? Well. The first thing is i. ask is how do you feel about money does step one. That's awareness. How do you feel? And and how they feel when you pay your bill. How do you feel when you pay a bill? You have the money. How do you feel when you pay a bill? And you don't have the money is the feeling the same. Why not? Another exercise do is when you When was the last transaction that you? Maybe, you bought a Cox Eight Navy. You bought a meal, maybe bought gas. You know what whatever it is. You fuel the car. Annual side. You remember Nigo Yup. Do you remember how you felt when money past your hands either through a credit card? Emma car to cash. And many people would say now. I didn't even pay attention because they're not around money. They don't even think about it. When did the same people that when they buy coffee, they will look at the Barista grab their coffee and not acknowledged a or not say, thank you or on the big shed, or all these things they match as to how we feel as the awareness part when there's money in our hands. How do we treat ourselves? The we seal two words it. It also dictates how we treat others and how much money we get to enjoy. And after you know, they know that feeling than to becomes. Why do you feel this way about money? And for many people was a wild money makes me nervous. Money makes me this or that. No, no, no, they're armone, you feel. You were talked to feel anxious about money. You were talked to worry about money. And and the way I explained it to to to crowns is we have mirror neurons when we look in the mirror? And NFC when you look in the mirror and you look at yourself. I have long hair and I wouldn't expect to see red hair are wearing wearing red top I wouldn't expect to see a purple. I would expect to see this. But we all have mirror neurons so therefore as a child. We were like sponges. So, we minute imitated everything. We saw in front of US including Felix. People think it's cute. For example, if a suzy's Mama twirler hair when she's nervous and then one day her three-year-old star swirling her hair, Suzy's mom, she's aware she marks old that so cute. Look at her. She's Mannequin Mommy, but may now looking at that I would say. If you feel anxious when you twirl your hair, your daughter anxious wrestler. Thank, you learned that US, so we long our money. Our feelings about money Parents are caregivers are teachers of France a relatives whoever had the most impact on us, and it's not because these people are not in front of us. Oh, it's not because. He said he would never be like them. If we said we'd never be like them chances are we all like them because when I see. The blind spots are so. That's that, too. Okay so now we have awareness now, and then we can trace from where it came from, and then what's next after that? Then it becomes about implementing generating positive feeling two words money. So for many people is either. We see abundance A. we see the lack of it. Because we make decisions emotionally I. It has a frequency. So. We have a frequency around money. So if we want more money if we were example is always see, is poverty than our frequency of ideation is very low. So if we want to attract more, we must see most. We must open up more. We must start seeing the abundance around us, and it's not easy because I grew up getting more so I know it's not easy. visit is the fall that will save Alan unseen. See the lack of it. But for me, it was as simple as. I thought it was with the basics. Looking at a tree. Looking at the league song a tree. The tree is abundant. I am abundant goosebumps. That's coming. The, beach has a lot of sand. The beach is abundant. I am abundant. Now a lot of fish in the ocean. Ocean is abundant. I am abundant. In my voice drops and everything slows down at that feeling, and that alone does more to attract. Money Opportunities and everything to us. Than, pounding affirmation of pounding self-help books is, it doesn't matter. It's knowledge and knowledge without Gatien in my opinion is useless because they make all decisions emotionally. I S-. So then I guess that even seemed like a such a small thing. we'll get someone you know taken years of their emotions in their attachments and. Getting them on the right path to looking at money in a better light in that abundance Russia's at scarcity expanse of model. Yes, I have people saying. How long is it? GonNa take. To your beliefs. A lot of the Times is the money believes that we are the not true. We just took them as. I was watching a video the other day any fascinating. A. Was this guy you know when we went to school and we want the? Cheer Month US why it was drilled into us one, but this guy proves mathematically. Throughout Algebra. It was very simple. It was proven people how one plus one can equal any number. You won't including zero. It's a bully. It's everything unless we examined every belief we have. Unless we stop ourselves and that's the discipline. The discipline is learning. To, so we can unlearn, but we were taught, so we can learn new behaviors. If so we must question everything about money. Always say people both show me what's inside your wallet? I'll tell you who you are. So I mean Y-. Now we're. We're looking at a person and you're in your coaching a person. How does it when you add the the complexity dynamics when there's a couple when when we're looking at two people, you mentioned earlier you you and your your husband at the time fought about. About money in. You know I think that's. Too I guess people fight about love and money are two of the things that that at people fight about how can how can spouses partners work better together with with money when it comes down to money? When it comes to life are examples dating? I tell my currents within the by the third date. You must bring up money. And they go. You must bring money. And you pay you pay for your meal yourself. You pay. They pay for this. You paid for yours. And that. Is before you must have that conversation. You must know what money means to them. You as you ask Bam because it's the beginning of the relationship you ask them and you watch John. Memos People Squirm the squirming now constable. They're like. An you bringing this up in everything. That's going on that moment. It shows you how the about money and why they feel that way. And people think that you know love will conquer all his GonNa, be all magnificent. Will Get through when we get through it, but by the time you're deepen their relationship. It's a grateful, because then those those red flags with the bitten. The didn't go away. It just got magnified in the religion. And one of the things that I say to people who want to go and relationship is like me, you attract. Where your APPs! And that makes people. Usually angry. And years what otherwise Let's say which is gonNA make some sir. Let's say you're a nine. And you meet to. Would you date the two? Most people go now. Not. Too much work. If you think the two would data mine? And they're like. But would they get? Would they be you know what they would, they would they that with a nine agree to that most likely knocked. So as A. Reverse their the nine where the two. And it's the same thing they go will know when it says the to dating nine, is it? Of course they will? They will date. Let's be realistic here a nascent now most likely not so let's say a person is sixty one to five when it comes to like understanding of money. Ban. It's within the same vibration the same understanding. So, even though we may, you may find somebody about finances all the time. But back person a similar money believes as you. That makes no sense now it. It makes sense because even to extreme of the same poll. It's. A belief that holds both ends. It's like if you pick up the of both ads. So what off a couple! That's already. In a relationship. I need to do the work separately. Because they need to really understand what money meets that emotionally and what? So that the next time they're triggered. About money. Than they know, it has nothing to do with the person in front of them. A trigger is always something in the past. I'll give an example. I had this guy who was loud chewing. Annoy The crap out of that Tien. Off It's now. An asset when when did you hear a firm sign? Loud showing. And, they thought. I was nine years old. My father and my mother had split up. My mom started dating that guy. That guy was allowed sure and he sat in my father's seats. So they spent thirty some years being angry at every low scheuer. Even though they were angry at a situation that had more to do, and it's the same about money. If, we're worry about money if we're anxious about money, in where if we are financially nagging people if we are feeling responsible for everyone and everything around us financially all of Comes from the PATS. It's not who we are. But we just choose surrealist that history over and over. Because we haven't learned our lesson yet. A We'd been deeply arts, and instead of healing ourselves. We drag it on a bad as we go into the next relationships until we can hear it. And how do you? How do you him? You know if that's what needs to be done. How how do you? Get them to let go of that that past attachment to it. While they need. They need to set their goals for example if they have different goals, if for one person they for example. If there are say they save money, they save every penny penny. They have like they're very frugal. And they save and save statement. The other one is usually the opposite over. With you see? Field to and the reason is because the. You know a saver wants to learn how to relax I. Bet Mall with money. And the one that was to relaxed with money. But they're trying to learn from one another. And in relationship cannot be. Coaching, wife and you cannot coach your husband. You cannot. And because I make stocks, relationships and I wish I had learned that twenty thirty years ago because there's always. Coach somebody. We think we know better if we know better. Somebody's on the pass. Those of bunnies lower quality in the relationship. So therefore must do that work separate. You must know how we feel about money. Why you feel that way where you money beliefs come from, and once you know all of that, then you do your ultimate best. Knock to bring your triggers. Your money triggers into their relationship. Because if you bring them in the relationship, it has nothing to do with your purse. Worker one South Tasha in that moment with a one ruining your relationship. And I've had people say to me while I can't be with that person that natives right by credit card by. Thousands of dollars I. can't that ruining my credit? Whatever it is, but they chose to be with that person to begin with. And again not change. Anybody can never change anyone. We changed when we ready. Because we make decisions emotionally, we many when they feel the need to change not a moment before. So, therefore it becomes. Does it work for me on that? It doesn't work became rockaway. If it works, then, we say. But it's a choice and for most people that I find it very very tough to make those those choices than rather stay in a secure relationship bad. Step up and be with someone's more their caliber when it comes to understanding emotional material, I guess you said you put money on the table third date. It's better to find out. Earlier. that. It is to find out earlier because When we're in love. I mean the love the love chemicals. They lost it anywhere between six eighteen months. And so therefore we don't want that. Those things which are important money is crucial in the relationship. People not about money. No, it's about money. Their money is is permeated every area of our lives. But yet people make it so taboo because they were told number to bring up money at the dinner table, or we don't talk about money, or if you talk about money, it sounds at your gold digger or that all these believes around, so people walk in a in a relationship blind like I asked people. If you're not a business opportunity. Would you go into business half with somebody without checking them out. No Would you check to make sure that financially sound? Would you say we do all you do? Call due-diligence and people say ass, but when it comes to relationships, most people don't do the due diligence I didn't. Because I thought. If I like somebody, it's enough. On, the Dick Van Ryan had boxing. But by them. If you love somebody. It hurts much more. Than walking into a relationship with ice wide open that emotional maturity. Because it comes down to. Does it work for me not? And and many people they must check money side. One of those boxes that you check. You must make sure you have the same beliefs around learning. Otherwise. Is it worth spending ten twenty thirty years fighting somebody over money? And like I say many of my clients like yet you may you know it prospects or something? You may not want to do the work around money, but that divorce is gonNA cost you more than hiring an advisor consultant or coach, and that's where they go. Requires. Do you. Do you see it being fixable, so you have a couple that is having trouble with money. maybe they're on opposite ends of the spectrum like you said maybe WanNa spend their one's a saver. Can, can they meet in the middle? Can Can you help them? Get to some point where they? They're able to move forward with it. They can yes, you can. It depends on on what the relationship means to them emotionally. Willing to do the work we call the inner work and each of them working on their own triggers, understanding like all their money beliefs, and and what what what it stands for and what they won't money for. Somebody in mind more money to buy a house I said somebody doesn't want to buy a big house. The very happy renting for the rest of their lives while that's the verge of believes that has to be somehow reconciled. And thinking we can convince if I were to give like one tip. Believe you can convince anyone else we can't. We can't. We can never tell somebody how to feel. And we never truly know how somebody else feels so in relationship who wants to empower one another when they feel the trigger crummy, the money triggered mind that you know familiar money. Fight coming one more time. You stop. You both thought on alert. Take a deep breath. And wants us to the other I can see you walk triggered. What are you triggered about? Exactly as to be precise. What's? The trigger must be specific. In you can ask questions open ended question. Where do you believe comes from what makes you feel without judgment? Why do you need right now? So you're feeling anxious about the situation. Why do you need right now? oftentimes, it was a major to stop nagging me I. Need You? That's not the answer. You need because what we need often is mini to drink a glass of water. We need to Walk Winnie to journal. leaney to. It has nothing to do with the other person, our needs and and combat planes and we can say okay. We'll reconvene in twenty four hours. We'll talk about this one more time, and you come back at it as often as necessary. Until. Get a clear understanding. Of your position. At the other person's position. Intellectually. And emotionally. So basically it's coming from that place of empathy. Feeling what they feel. And looking at their world, their their beliefs around money to their own land sits. And that will do more for relationship. Why because the partner will feel seeing? It will feel hurt. They will feel understood. They will start opening up. And then then there's a chance at healing. Whatever was that money trigger? But it's it's work. Relationship works so instead of trying to push your position. Better understand the are. Somebody else. I may be both know this youngest Housi- anyone who tries to convince us. We usually tend to just dig our heels. And it becomes a head thing instead of a heart thing. We need to get companies like the heart of money matters. Because it's not only the heart of money like money matters of the heart, the person with the money beliefs they matter. And, if we want to understand somebody, he'll money situation. We must address how that person on how we feel about money. And why we feel that way. So that? We can take no which action to take. That's the empowerment piece. Otherwise. We just keep repeating past. And that leads nowhere. It's like a cat chasing it sale. I'm sure you've seen it. In your you'll love word definitely and I guess it just it's either if that happens, it's just at one point. Someone just gets tired and fed up and. Decide, it's not worth it. Yeah and they jeopardize whole relationship instead of looking within. In unlike me in the past I did the same thing. I thought while it's not worth. It just move next I. Brought, I am wheat I. We you everybody. We oughta common denominator with every experience that the. The way feel about money. One of the biggest you could fight lies that had told myself was active. Behave around money differently around my husband. My Kids Parents Nano between your life partner in new. South common denominators. Year You and your children. It's you you and your coworkers. It's you. I said it cycle computer. The computer makes no difference who sits in front of it. It will behave the same way. So, we made the same way around money. No matter where the. When we start paying attention to every money transaction, we make how we feel about money. We start getting a very good feel of our money believes where they come from unworthy emotional blockages might be. You don't. Realize how much it's, you know you're you're in. The stuff is ingrained your beliefs. Your behavior is ingrained in you. And changing it, it's not easy but something that can be worked on. Well, it's I. Mean What's The alternative? Right like a laptop people west the alternatives. You keep going through life. Proving the world that money is to earn the money missing grow on trees. Ami. Money doesn't grow on trees like that expression came from when we understand the fractional factional banking system this plenty of money. Money is a concept. Isn't Lucien. I mean you take the dollar you deposit in the bank? The Federal Bank reserved right to take nine dollars of your bank account. While ten dollars sit, Senate can take ten nine dollars out of Your Bank your bank account and landed others. While you're ten dollars sits in your bank account. So, how real is that money? It's not real. We think it's real because we associate heavy feelings to it. But money itself like member. The problem is plenty of money. The whether we see it as abundance or lack, it's a feeling. Always comes back to feeling feeling feeling. Golden to be you'll be okay. So I mentioned in the Intro that you've written twenty nine books. One and all of a sudden he just said I'm going to crank out twenty eight more or. How did you get started writing? Like pretty much everything else on my mentor said to me, said the. Ever written a book. Answer I go right I know rider. And I had no idea I never written. An article had never written. A book are never done any of that. By, SIA had to believe that I was no writer and it came from by grade teacher. Who told me that I could not have written I wrote because he was too good. And, it impacted me for decades. So, we went to work now on you with the beliefs. Our minding. And in the first book came out. In started coming in one after the other like an assembly line. How our did this idea I would write and ride and write in a game like that journey neck one after the other. People asked me inflow I can ride eleven hundred words on our. Inflow in wire but I love riding. Managed to switch that belief. For me. It's about sharing. It's like we all have with them. We all need to share it. We all have those abilities whether we choose to develop them or not. We're all creative. Were all powerful truly believe at? All right, so we're just about out of time Thank you so much for being on the show today. How can someone find out more info about you or get in touch with you if they'd like to? You can find me on my website financial issue, the coach I'm on so unlinked tune in all social media instagram that, but on the website are have women are coming up. You can sign up for it It's on debunking all those money money money. Money believes I have an online course coming up and also a whole strategic planning in financial issue implementations or Enterpreneurs 'cause most of my clients entrepreneurs. WHO pivoting a realizing like as become more aware society, the realizing that their money. Is actually what's preventing them from going from five to six figures or six to seven figures? Deal that go into the root of the problem as The right way to go. Great will link to all that in the in the show notes and again. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you so much, fiving meets, and that's. In your and thank you everyone for tuning into today's episode until next time have a great day. Thank you for listening to the agent of wealth podcast. 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