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Patton Oswalt, We Start A Dungeons And Dragons Game + Waffle House Fighting


On today's part in my take we have patent Oswald's great interview with Patent Oswald. And then we're going to try something a little different. So our desert and dragons episode received critical acclaim. I think we want an Oscar or no a Gr- an Emmy Webby and Webby and an emmy. We won all these awards. So we said let's Let's do it. Let's do it so what we're going to do is every other Wednesday till the end of our crusade or adventure. Whatever you call it. We're going to do our dungeons and dragons adventure. So Billy football has joined us me billy. Pf Hank and our good friend Dungeon Master Tim Woods. He is going to lead us through a full game of dungeons and dragons we apart. One after Patna's Oswald with a cliffhanger we also have hotseat cool thrown and a special Wednesday reading. That must be done. Would you say that this is our Geeky episode? Apart far geek week by far it is beyond the. If you told us we're going to be doing this and we were not gonNa have sports. I don't listen the Human Mind. Copes mysterious ways so we we had dungeons and dragons all right. But we're brought to you and we're in the cash APP studio right now. Cash is the number one social distancing APP the number one APP in the world. It has been giving away subscriptions on twitch left. And Right we love Asha Gifting them gifting subscriptions. We love the cash APP. If you need an APP to send money to your friends family bartenders. Whoever you want pay your bills buy some stocks. You can do anything. Cash APP CASH APP CASH APP. It links directly to your bank account. It is so seemless it is so easy and more than anything if you like us if you want to support us. The best way to support us is to go. Download the cash APP right now and putting Code Barstool and you'll get ten dollars for free ten dollars. Aspca all with the cash APPs. Go do it right now today. Do not wait. Download the cash up from the Google play store APP store and get involved with our friends from the cash. Okay let's go off and out full. Welcome part of my take presented by the cash APCOA downloaded right now. Use Code Bar so you get ten dollars free ten dollars the ASPCA today is Wednesday may thirteenth and pf we have NBA players coming together to say they want to keep the season going we have MLB billionaire owners crying poor and trying to get the baseball players to play a season but more importantly than all of this. We got waffle house fighting. It is an awesome day to be online because this waffle house thing broke up before we get to it. I I just read this. The State of Arizona is saying that they will allow Major League sports oriented. I think may fifteenth with no fans in attendance. All the California teams go hang out in Arizona. Yes so the Phoenix. Coyotes can play games. We've all been waiting for him. Congratulations the diamondbacks. Or they could just they could just do an entire season baseball at the spring training facility. Yeah I have hoped for MBA. I have hoped for baseball. Although the bidding is an issue in baseball moved that the owners are making right now where they're crying poor but not actually showing how they're poor is an all-time movie and then somehow spinning it to be like well. The players really gotTA do a solid here. Take a lot less money and have a salary cap into a fifty fifty split. Yeah so walk me through this because I read that the the League said that they put forth. I guess the owners put forth in option to get playing again with an eighty two game season that starts in July. Yes with fifty fifty revenue split. Now I don't know I know in football. I think it's fifty one forty nine. What does it normally baseball so in baseball? There's obviously no salary cap. And so you have incredible sal right what the players WanNa do. And I think it's totally fair. Is THEY WANNA come back and play for the prorated salary the owners are saying? We're not gonNA make any money this year. We're going to lose money this year. Let's do a fifty fifty split and that's how we can get baseball going but the owners in baseball do this funny little tricky thing where they say they're going to lose money and then they don't show anyone how they're going to lose money so they don't actually open their books they don't actually tell you. Okay this is actually what it looks like. They just cry poor and say it's got to come out of your pockets to and now. I think billionaires should pay for their own fucking rosters now. We got the whole stupid like other billionaires coming Jay Pritzker and the governor of Illinois coming to bat for the billionaire owners being players really have to make some sacrifices here. How about the about the album? How play paying prorated? It's also crazy. Because what do you do? There's no salary cap in baseball. So now you're saying there's going to be a salary cap for one year. They signed one. Year deals random numbers and then next year they go back to the allardice. How it works if you make a concession in negotiation with the billionaire chances are he'll probably give you that concession back here so that he can make less money or she can make less money. So what you're saying to me. Is that this year if you hypothetically have a contract that pays you twenty million dollars right. You're not GonNa get your twenty million dollars so you're not even prove you're not even GonNa get that portion of the salary for the Games that you will play instead you're going to get a percentage of what your team's roster the entire salary for teams roster is based on how much revenue the League is bringing. Okay yeah that's going to be tough sell to the players association. If our player. I am sure there will be public pressure to try to get them back to play. I just know I. I'm not going to be someone being like players. You have to take less just because the guys are saying that they're the people in charge you're saying they're losing money even though they won't tell you how they're losing money right to open up the books open up the boheme see the book. Let's see the books. Open the fucking box. Charity Effort Yeah Jay Pritzker has like three billion dollars so pretty good for him to be like hey players really got to make a sacrifice. Yeah so I guess it looks like even if you know. Arizona's opening up a lot of these other states are thinking that they're going to open up for major exports. You're still not going to have fencer. And that's that is an issue if you're a billionaire owner you're a business person and so you're like. Oh Shit. I'm not GonNa make as much money this year. So why don't I don't know why don't they just ask for more money and TV rights because for every person that doesn't go to a game they're going to be watching on TV Yeah it's it's eighty two game season. They're proposing starting July. I I actually think the TV like people will watch it a lot more on TV. Not only because of this captive audience but eighty two game. That's a sprint. Like if you have five game losing streak in the eighty two game you're sunk. It just means more that yeah. I like eighty two game season also. Let's let's go across the pond real quick. Our DYNO'S ARE WHIPPING. They're fucking wagon. These daigneault's are dominant. The only reason that they lost the game. The other night they gave up seven runs in the ninth inning. What Avenue we've been dealing with the bullpen. But that's for another day. Well the bullpen shaky for sure. I'd like to see a little bit more production of the leadoff spot situational hitting. It's early in the season and the defense is going to get better. So you're not gonNA see too many of those crooked numbers as we get into later months. Whenever the end of the Korean baseball season traditionally is yes when that will call episode timber in September are bullpen so November we just need the bullpen to settle down October ish. Yeah around a in October adjacent month. I really wish that they would just put one of those fucking mannequins that's in the stands wearing a Marlins Jersey. Yes Oh speaking all thrown save it. Save my cool throw all right cool thrown and we'll get to all right. Let's talk waffles because that's a real news of the day so we have an emergency Wednesday reading Because we have one of the greatest now. I don't whenever these get posted online. We don't know if they're true but let's not all be fucking assholes and be like fake. Let's just have fun with it and say there's a ninety five percent chance wait are fun? I don't mean to derail the conversation. Can we go back to that? Nba Secret meeting that happened. Today was Kyri involved. I don't believe so I think it was Lebron. Jaanus coyote is going to have some lie about the Illuminata the NBA getting together citing their fate. I also heard a wild take today about Max. Kellerman saying that What was it? Oh he was saying that if they come back and play a playoffs it will be a an asterix next to that team forever. Just like this. Everyone says the spurs only have four and a half titles. We do say that everyone. I can't go twelve hours. Integrating the Spurs Dynasty love. When these talking head guys they're like yeah like Joe Blow Sports Fan. You know he's just walk around the Barbie and like those spurs those four and a half titles. I double I liked it a double trigger week. Oh yeah the lockout your no bill would remember that although I mean. Let's be fair here. If the Lakers win hank is absolutely putting Ron James. Lebron James It does not count okay waffle House waffle house so we have this post called. My boyfriend keeps getting into fights with a cook at Waffle House. Here's how starts. I know this sounds really weird but here it is my boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We met and started dating when we were both in graduate school. That's actually a good note to have their. They have advanced past bachelor's degree. I go back to college to pursue a different career. We are both finished now in live together. Making a fairly nice combined income. Our income is relevant because we could afford to eat somewhere. Nice when we're out and about but he always wants brex breakfast food okay. Real quick first of all. Let's not shame people that eat waffle house because now if you're a millionaire you should still be going to waffle house on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best brands. Drunk food. Great Waffle House Shrunk waffle. House is one of America's finest institutions. He's Goo. She goes on to say when he was a child. His Dad couldn't stand eating breakfast type food in the afternoon or evening so as mom would make him waffles pancakes eggs and Bacon and evening whenever his dad was busy or out of town? It's a wonderful and safe memory form when he goes to his happy place. He says that's where he always goes. I liked this memory because it's basically the grown up version of when you're eight years old and you say when I'm an adult I'm GONNA eat candy for dinner And then I- spoiler alert. I actually have done that many times. It is kind of a weird move though for a dad to say. We don't eat breakfast food at dinner time. He's a rules. That's that's Kinda bizarre to be. I don't like that. I one time I was at a grocery store. There's person that was behind me in line. I was buying stuff to make breakfast for dinner and the guy was like. Are you making making breakfast? And I was like. Yeah he goes. My wife won't let me eat breakfast for dinner. I felt so bad guy. Said that is really sad My boyfriend is an incredibly nice and caring person. He's I love these these long diatribes where they just try to set up like no guys. He's actually totally normal. And then drop the hammer like my boyfriend is the sweetest nicest person ever occasionally. He likes to fuck his mom in front of me but I love him otherwise. I'm in the best relationship in my life. My boyfriend's sometimes likes to bring guns out in the bedroom figure. We've all got our kinks. My boyfriend is so in tune with my feelings but every now and then he fakes like he's going to push me in front of oncoming traffic. I'm afraid he's GonNa kill me. Listen I've got such a great boyfriend. We're in the best relationship of all time. It's something I could only have dreamt about when I was a little girl. He owns this island code little Saint James and he goes there a lot with some of his friends. He he makes good money. So we're doing pretty well. We have a beautiful house in Manhattan. Okay so back to the story. He loves animals in his kind. This is really. She's doing the checkless of like he's not a sociopath. He loves animals in his kind and gentle with every bug bird and pet that he comes across to you. Don't be gentle with every ball with a bug like spider. I'M GONNA smash that spy murder. Hornet GonNa fuck it up He's almost always willing to turn the other cheek in social situations where somebody tries to insult him or get aggressive towards him and usually winds up diffusing the situation having a productive discussion about whatever the issue was except at waffle house. By the way last point you don't get points for being an adult doesn't get into fights it sounds like he doesn't get into fights alive right like this is a common occurrence for him where he should get into a fight where most people get into a fight that he calmly talks his way out. Unfortunately that's not like you don't get to walk around like a boy scout with being like see this badge. Someone took my parking spot whole foods. I didn't fight them. That's the how it works. I my boyfriend fights using logic and reason he likes to use his words in diffuse everything. Okay anytime we're out. He wants to go to the same God Damn Waffle House and get breakfast. I'm not a big eater so I used to not really care. Just drink coffee and read my book while he enjoyed his food. Which is awesome visual just like honey. Let me get my happy place. But that became impossible once he and this one cook started chirping at each other. Every time we went there. Boyfriend complained about his eggs one time because he likes them a little Ronnie and they were served heart. The Cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs. That's hilarious when he brought it up again. The Cook served him too hard boiled eggs. Harry funny I think it was just part of the cook stick which who doesn't know a cook with a stick you gotTa have if you're short order cooking. That's that's a feature not a bug for that waffle house because that's the funny cook that fucks up your order and tells you if you go to waffle house and you expect to have your order. One hundred percent correct. Every single time are not understanding the true charm of going to walk. Yes it's like. I want breakfast food. They serve you breakfast food and then you kind of kind of maybe. The Cook responded by giving scarletknights when he brought it up again. The Cook served them too hard boiled eggs. I think it was just part of the cook stick and it was kind of funny to be honest but my boyfriend wasn't able to laugh it off off when we left. He was in kind of a bad mood but we didn't really talk about it the next week. We're getting some shopping done and he wanted to go to offer house again. I suggested that we try out a different place or at least a different waffle house location but he only wanted the same waffle house. Which if you've been in the south there's waffle house every other block and they look identical ended. That's it that's the entire point. It's just food station. It's like being like I want to go to this. Mcdonalds McDonalds We went in and sat down and once again. The same cook served as eggs wrong. My boyfriend's SORTA snapped at him that he wasn't interested in messing around and just wanted to correct X. The Cook then served him a piece of toast with a hole. Cut Out in the middle with a fried egg in it. That sounds delicious. In whole my boyfriend got really mad in through the egg. Toast at the cook. Which made the cook come around from behind the bar and throw it back at him. They ended up sort of wrestling fighting until my boyfriend was like this is bullshit and walked out. Nobody got hurt but the few other people in there were watching and laughing a bit. Well here's the thing you don't want to get into it. With waffle House Cook because waffle house cooks know how to handle themselves. Most of their clientele is drunk belligerent. It's late at night. He have to be able to fight. If you're going to be the most dangerous the most I'd say the most aggressive self defense capable jobs in America I would put waffle house right up there with like blackwater employees someone someone replied the I replied to this tweet was I went to a job interview for waffle house in one of the questions was can you fight it has to be. Have you been to waffle house at two o'clock in the morning and you handle Yousaf? Do you remember that story in the news? Like a year ago about a waffle house cooked took. Somebody's AK47 away from him. Are they disarmed dude with Ar fifteen very dangerous? That's Day One Training Your House. Cook all right so back story. This is the crazy part. My boyfriend keeps going back and ordering eggs and getting into fistfights with the same cook. It's almost a ritual at this point. My boyfriend orders runny eggs. The Cook serves him some other version of eggs and then they beat the shit out of each other. I quit going with him after the second fight. But he kept going by himself. They're like Peter and the giant chicken for family guy. It's the weirdest thing they physically fought like six or seven times over. I think they're actually friends they are. This is just guys horsing. Yes this has become a friendship. They were if they weren't actually friends. He would not be allowed inside the Wallasey more. If you get into a fight I'm not gonNA say if you get into a fight at a waffle house you're never welcome back because they would have no clients if you get into a fight with the same person more than four times in a waffle house. Then at some point they'll be like. Hey can you just come back when he's not working? This is sport there like they. They probably text each other beforehand. You're like you WANNA brawl today Go Yeah you go buddy. I've tried to talk to him about it a few times. But he keeps saying. It's a matter of principle. I've told them to talk to the manager or something like that but he just waves me off. Apparently the Cook hasn't yet made him the correct runny eggs but it's like he spends the week. Learning new ways of preparing eggs. Piss my boyfriend up. I think he does exactly that. I'm on team cook here. I want to get out in front of that. He should want team on both sides. Because he's right. It is a matter of principle but asking for an egg. That's a little bit running. That's a tough egg to make cook but for anyone if you're a cook at a crowded waffle house and you've got a million orders going on making the perfectly runny. Egg is a difficult task so I think this is the middle of the day when Wafaa Says No one. If that's in fact correct if this guy is going for a lunch at waffle well using from clues here. It's got to be a lunch or dinner. And they were one day going out shopping and then they went to office. I think it's just middle of the day. They're just fighting waffle. Yeah I I don't know I don't know about that. You either go to waffle house at night for dinner or you go early in the morning for like a lately just a meal that you have it while they do breakfast lunch or dinner she. She said he does lunch and dinner there. All right so then finishes up the thing is. We're getting married this summer. He's accepted a job in a new city. New Be Easy for me to find work after the wedding. So we'll be moving away from his sworn enemy waffle house guy. He hasn't really been out since quarantine started. But it wouldn't surprise me. If that's the first place he goes when restaurants opened back backup for sitting customers but my main worries this strange vindictive side of him of never seen before that leads him to fight the same guy. The violence itself is an issue for me. But the obsession over. It almost bothers me more. Should I be worried that this side of him will come up later in our marriage? How do I get him to open up about this? This type of obsession of choice. Or is it indy in indicative indicative of something deeper? You need to cook him eggs and you need to cook him the perfect runny egg and see if he has any desire to stop going through that waffle house because if he decides to stop going then it was about the eggs this whole time if he keeps going back it's just because they're bros. and he misses the human body craves contact right so he likes get into a fight every now and again. I honestly don't I think this guy is actually the most well adjusted adults. I've ever heard because he seems like a Great Guy. But having a grudge or a point of principle that you will not let up. It's like a bulldog with tennis bonus mouth. Sometimes guys just have to do that like sometimes you just have to beef silently or actually physically fighting. I'm thinking about I have. I have this guy who lives in my building who on July fourth I was using the grill the community grew and he came up and he moves my stakes over and put his own food on their without asking me. I scowl that motherfucker. Every time I see him I haven't said anything but I have a grudge and I fucking hate him. I think if I ever get in the point where like he lost his keys and I have a chance to let them in. I won't let him it. It's a passive garage but having a grudge and having a fo the you wake up in the morning. You're like fuck that. Guy. It's healthy a grudge. Not so much. A foe is very important. A rival right weren't for guys. Have rivals you arrivals against Grill Guy? I'm rivals with decay. Metcalf Hanks rivals with the English language. And I guess Chocolate Milk Somehow Boehner's owners hanks Ri- We're rivals. Oh good point hang actually declared he and his. Npf's rivalry over 'CAUSE PFC can't beat which literally fifteen minutes going. But my I figured you might. Defense is too good. My defense could still get interaction. Wow that's not true okay. So that rivalries over but yes having a rival you see. I mean watching the last dance right now. Mj has rivals. Like fake. Real doesn't matter having something to drive you. Every single day is healthy. I do think that waffle houses are great places to get in fights. Yeah it seems like everyone. Is You know everyone. That's out of waffle. Houses is ready that there might be a fight at any given time like A. Ufc crowd all. The tables are have rounded corners on him. So if you fall you're probably not going to split your head open. It's like chess boxing So I I'm with this guy. I think he's totally. I think he's a well. I mean maybe the fist fighting as an adult is a little much production. Doesn't sound like the fist fighting. They're more wrestling. Which is kind of you're basically doing. It's gentlemen's fighting. No face stuff right. Everyone's home for dinner right. No from the growing their boss like what happened to your face. You just trying to trying to wrestle each other in in like feats of strength. Do you think that there's an outside chance that this guy has a pre existing relationship with the waffle house? Cook in a way that he told him. Hey I'm gonNA fuck with my fiance. Let's get into a fight and have a rivalry every time I come to your restaurant. And then he just never told. His fiancee is like pulling a big prank on her. Well it could that that theory could make sense if he was like. I love my happy place. But what really bothers me is my fiance demands coming. So he found a way to go to happy place whereas fiance refuses to go. You know what happened? They go in there the first time. And he's like this is as you say my happy place for me. That would be a place like Buffalo Wild Wings. You go there. You sit down. You're guaranteed a good time. She comes along. What does she do the first thing when they sit down? She opens up a book She doesn't even try to enjoy. Waffle house disrespect. And so he's like you know what I'm going to get into a fight with this guy until she leaves demand to stop coming. Because I listen I'm going to get my brain smothered covered. And what is it chunk diced in front of her? If that's what it takes to make her stop reading a book at a Waffle House. Yeah he pays. He pays his guy off. He tips him extra to be like. Hey let's just make sure that I can come here. And he's probably getting the best eggs every single time. He probably eats his runny eggs that are perfectly cooked and then he and then he says what's up to his friend and he's like hey can you just maybe give me a Nogi and Gimme one solid like punch in the liver so that I can go home with a couple of scratches. Yeah I mean I love this relationship. I love everything about it. I love this guy. I really do think that having a point of principle having something that you like one of those standoffs. You're like you know what today I'm not going to give up. I'm not GonNa let someone push me around. It was the last time you got into a fight fist fight. We'll fight grappling fist. That sort of thing through Fifteenth Fifteenth Chat Since College. I don't think I'm trying to think. I don't think since Hank Summerfield blow besides that outside of a sanctioned event probably College College College I got into a fight in Hong Kong but it was like kind of a Bro. Fight because the guy was wearing the same outfit that I was. He was shirtless. Also wearing the same color shorts I was just looked at each other and you knew it was on and afterwards we were friends and we. There's no better feeling in the world that's not a fight then getting into a fight with somebody and then afterwards I in the middle of the fight you realize you and I are more similar than we are. Different was when you were high on ecstasy. This was when I was high on. Md May yes. Okay so you might have just been kissing the dude rolling balls. You might have just been groping his book because it's on camera. Okay so confirmed not kissing could fight though confirmed Rask's it was a razzle. Yeah also isn't that like what isn't that like saying. Hello at a rugby game pretty much. Yeah just a couple of guys all right so this guy. Yeah How sky level I fucking level. See a movie about this guy. Yeah he and Dave and buster's guy should really link up or at least have a principal off About this guy. Is that what it's called? Qube the shadow qube or a P combat. Never forgotten all right. Yeah hotseat cool. Thrown is brought to you by okay. I'll do it this time. I'm going to do it this time. Celebrate I've actually been thinking about this. Brian Seltzer can't try and read it. My arena normally normally. Pfc AND HAGER GONNA try. A HOT SELTZER HOT Seltzer. It's actually cool. Seltzer Light Seltzer Nobil. You cannot have a Seltzer Billy okay. Hot See cool thrown is brought to you by our friends at Bud Light Seltzer. Try it for yourself and see. Why great tasting. Bud Light Seltzer is putting every other heart seltzer on the hot seat and pat was close. Hake not even close close. What happened you said You were practising? Thanks graduated from battling Bud Light Celtics. Not Actually Practicing. You thought about it. Yes if you think about hitting the game shops. But don't Hank was being interviewed by Joe Rogan. About how hank? How is this interview with? Joe GonNa go about your. You're chugging so hank you've been practicing really hard though you need to practice harder. It's head what happened on the practice harder and that's going to drink drink drink drink. But I'm not GONNA do that. I'm healthy and thought about microdosing before you record an episode. I have not My Heart's four o'clock on Thursday. You can see probably GonNa be afford. I think. Sweep so. Make sure you're going to be over early. Wait I'm not even dignifying that with an answer. Four one better data. That's his hanks. Magic four waterbed or what he guaranteeing. Our show is boobs. Noga non-jewish just kick off. I'll do a show you I'll do show on right and you same for you if it's if it's four hundred better deal and what do that anyway. Mother ELLEN DEGENERES. I feel like she's on the literal hotseat like her job. Like the proverbial hotseat. She's on it internally talk show host. It's just story after story. Like the avalanches started where like former interns and former feel at work. Part is coming out one after another after another after another after another saying how Shitty of a person she is an interesting words. How you phrase that going now go no nothing okay. She's on okay interesting choice. Thanks coming out Tut. That was interesting. Choice awards I didn't know if he was strumming forward. I don't I don't have that type of brain capacity me to do that People coming forward with bad story after bad sorry Salon A security guard that worked for for a long time and like she basically warning knowledge. Anyone that wasn't like a close family and like this so this is a security guard and she was like I worked for many celebrities bubble blah. She's the only person that doesn't even like say. Hi and introduce yourself to the security guard audience like fans and Shit like the security guards addict. Celebrities not realized that everyone they come in contact with at least in their inner circle is going to some day be like. Hey here's a tweet thread. About how shitty this person this person is. That is kind of A. It's a lot of pressure. I guess like everyone that you make you make friends with our meat is. They've got a story immediately about well put but I'm not even talking about anyone you like. You could meet someone have a bad day. You meet someone. It's bad enter interaction. Whatever a security guard like that's crazy. It also came out. She like called Steve. Jobs to complain about our IPHONE. Like she's fine. Yeah that actually get. That probably did better. Like did good for the rest of the country. She got to the front of the line and helped us like this sucks. That was a while ago. Well that's the thing it's all coming out like. She's on the hot seat in the sense of like the avalanches started. And it's just like she's under the Mike her her view of being nice. Nicely our teary-eyed apology and all that Blah Blah Blah and everyone would be like you go girl stay strong like the haters trying to get you introduce keeping a shitty person. People didn't her. She had some some people that worked on our staff that also got in trouble recently. Like everyone around her. She's she's turning people evil She which I think. She's part of some deep conspiracy out for sure. Okay we're GONNA say yeah Okay your coulter. My cool thrown is the cross for the future. Yup already figured out betting so they're doing an event and summer people can bet on it in. Where's that I don't know crossfield on all across somewhere you can wash NBC? Sports put the house in the water. Dogs that's all. I know my the cool tournament stall throwing the Hashtag for the dogs bark. Bark Bark Bark. Bark Stodgy Tony. Hawkes pro skater one into are getting re released. So it's like new like updated the same game same maps or whatever. Whatever you call them say map same soundtrack but you're gonNA be able to do. Online play updated graphics all that Shit. So that's that's GonNa be great the soundtrack for Tony Hawk. Those those were incredible. That is like the soundtrack to my adolescence. Is You just play the the Bob Rehnquist? Let's blow that'd be the you'd make only play Superman my goaltender the everquest Bob Byrne quest with the with the glasses. Yep Yeah sick okay. My hot seat is a Florida beaches Florida beaches on on the hot seat. So they're opening up the beaches in Florida. And that's not the reason why I'm putting them on a hot seat. The reason why is because there's been a bunch of protests in Florida about them. Not Opening the gyms up and WANNA so. I don't know if you saw. There are a lot of people that were on the sidewalk in front of the Capitol. I believe they're doing squats. There were doing burps to protest. Jim's not being opened so he can't get your gains. And but it's actually a sneaky genius. Move by the Florida government to open up the beaches but not open up the gyms which will encourage fewer people to go to the beaches. Because they're not in shape yet. Wait hold on back up. One second. So a bunch of people went to the Capitol and worked out to protest. Being will work out. Yes correct there were. They worked out on the on the sidewalk. Let us do. You have taken my freedom to do this. Okay which I'm doing now. Yup but it is kind of a smart move to be like. Hey Yeah you can go to the beach. But you're going to be in the worst shape of Your Life. Yes absolutely My cool thrown is Sammy. Watkins being in a cult. There's an article today in bleacher report where it was tied done. I believe profiled him and Sammy. Watkins opened up. And as we've been speculating. We've squatting on the take that Sammy. Watkins isn't a cult for the last three years on the show. Sammy really really let them have it. Like talked about all the weird stuff. You're saying that After this corona viruses over we're GONNA go break the ice on the rings of Saturn and lived there for a while before coming back to Earth basically. It's one of these stories that you have a hard time really pointing and laughing at Sammy Watkins. Because he was in a dark place when he got drafted by the bills. Because they didn't have Josh Allen yet and he just went out and partied every single night had a miserable life did not enjoy his life was under so much pressure and then he kinda like rediscovered himself by getting into a cult and so now. He's happy that he's in a occult. Well he also gets the Post Championship. You can kinda say whatever you want for a year You can just say whatever you banners fly forever you just say it and people like well you want super bowl exactly. Yeah and he was awesome in the playoffs. Yes yes so. He flies for whatever he's doing right now. I guess stick with it if it makes you matter what kind of fucked up beliefs. You have as long as you're happy and you're not actively hurting somebody else so saving. Watkins could believe whatever the hell he wants. You do. Just make sure that your fantasy owners are happy on Sundays. That's the that's the true cult that you should belong jess. My hot seat is Doj A cat will number one nickname for yourself. No you did you set me up. No Okay so. She's a rapper. Guys do this. Toge cat said that she would show her tits if she went number one and then she went number one and she's like I played all of you. I haven't been disappointed since the time. Those Porn Stars said they'd give everyone blowjobs if like Brazil won the World Cup Well I think that disqualifies wire fraud doesn't it? Yeah I mean she using wires. Yeah we got. I got in trapped into being horny for Nicki Menaj. Now she's taking it back. Doj Cat Different People Nicki Menaj on the song though. Oh she's on the song. Yeah well yeah who gives a shit? Oh no I'm not going to get to see DOJ cats now. Don't you cats? I would actually say I'd rather see DOJ cats and MC Nicki Menaj after all the plastic surgery. She's had cat. Seems like she might have the real something going on. No real ones all right. Yeah well you yes DOJ cat what the fuck. I always wanted to see your boobs now. I can't why like at least have fun with at least play it out. Don't just be like I played you hard that hurts. It really hurts. I listened to that song so many times. Boy who cried wolf. What is it? What's his on. Did you notice the Tech Talk? It really just went. It really has nothing to do with the boobs. It's really just she got the tick Tock. Wave right yeah. If those shows up it got big on talk. And then they released the Remix snatchers. Like if the remix goes on. Show my kind of both. Okay I'll show my nuts if she shows her boobs okay. That's my word to you DOJ. Cat -Til All right my other hot seat is our medical profession. The World of Medicine Neuro neuro-surgeons people who study brains India during reveal is here with some definitive scientific studies that he has put out He said this is how it's done when it comes to bring the NFL back number. One player signed waivers. That team isn't responsible for them. Contracting Kobe number to all players will sign parentheses with near certainty number three players who test positive for two weeks number two. Let's go to number two number two. All players will side parentheses. They already get cte with near certainty d'urville normally when you fuck around and you're talking about pan tones and how much seats cost next to a person who's obese claim. No one wants to sit next to. It's all fun and Games. You don't know how to read a scientific study. That's pretty obvious. If I could get on my little tiny soapbox here to bring me up to five nine. I will say this to dern reveal. What he said actually does damage to the cause of yours who are trying to find out what the impact of CT is on families and people that play in the NFL. Because you have to be a fucking dumb ass theory that report and see that it's one hundred out of one hundred one brains have CD and think that that's that means ninety nine percent of NFL players have it that means that of the sample of people whose family members thought yes. My husband or father killed themselves because they thought they had. Cte The brain those brains that were donated ended up coming back positive how. `Bout it's not the entirely. How about the simple fact that we can't diagnose Cte in living people yet so to say anything with near-certain certainty would be completely wrong and dangerous. There are a lot of people out there that play in the NFL. That will not develop T. trying to figure out ways user to prevent it and Darren reveal through the worst part of it was not just that first week but all the different replies that he answered that he was saying no actually. Yeah he's well actually. You're wrong Darren yeah. He's just he's lost he's lost. He's Derna Velez lost and he needs to be found open. Invite Darren to come on and be found because we will find you we will we will. We'll shake you up and put you back into. Oh I see pilly. Footballs in there. Billie would you say there are so many ways you could phrase number two in a jokey way or neutral way but you. Legit chose the one demeaning. Solis Way and sounds like assal. Where did it go go off? King Torah are fucking kid right there. Handshake handshake some can't sheikhs in the chat. Yup Fuck You. Billy fuck that dern all right my cool thrown is us because we're about to call marlins men because Marlin man sent us all DMC today saying it's been almost a month since I asked you to call me and you haven't called me which we did try to call. He just didn't pick up but we'RE GONNA call them right now. So let's call marlins man finally figure out he wanted to talk about. He said it's been almost a month since you didn't pick up my urgent mas man. What's up it's the guy some? Pardon my take how you guys doing. We're doing good man. I noticed this. Here's the story. I love what you're doing and what I really love being. You're on the show right now. Just so you know you're on the show of shows. I I gotTA behave okay. Well first of all okay just you know. Although I stopped I was the underbidder today but the go meet man. How high will you at some point in time? I'd rather buy a horse You know maybe a Derby winner something and let him have it that I backed out like once sixty something that would have been funny to the Marlins war with him and I was even going to say you. Bring me his guest or something. You know like I dress up in a condo. I have I one. I bring him as my Jesse. Come dressed up. That would be funny. Okay what's too much number two was you guys are very involved. And it's I like them with ten National Right. Yes very involved. You could say that much. The little horse racing you have going around on the track. No Yeah so and I also love dodds coach. The Big Eddy coach starting Florida's. They gone over it. I think is great. Yes but here's the thing I know. Personally the honor of Gulfstream and the former president of Gulfstream is. My friend works here in my building and I told him why. Don't we do something to try and get all these people who like barstools realize how cool horse racing is 'cause you guys aren't the front you don't. You're not followers the leaders and why don't we do some instead of you having post time at four fifty seven for grace? Why don't we make Boston? Sports race at Gulfstream at like four fifty seven while ten national was closed because of the Corona virus epidemic. And if it works out well then you guys should have races the Barstool race of the day at the different Penn national tracks at night. Ten nationals tracks mostly went at night. The reason that's important on the west coast is three hours earlier so I was thinking you might want consider do and I know. Portnoy has been the Gulfstream. I've seen him there on. Pegasus Day you know and I was thinking. Why don't we get for free for free for them? Why don't you want to pay him anything again? This what. I am the sponsor like once a day. The bars stole race. Coming back has livelihood right now. That's okay I think it sucks. It's a great idea. I think Oh wait a minute. You gotta calm down because we don't have capitals that we don't have any of the Washington nationals going now. I'm frustrated I love that. He thinks yes morals man. How about this? How we do a little. Tit for tat. He showed us. You keep your mouth yes. She's great she's talking. Oh we I know you liked her. With the Marlins laws that crazy marlins may how how you? Hey what's up to I think you guys under makes me happy and I like her as a person you very much. So don't mess this up. She's a good kid will do what about this? Marlins man. What if we did something like what you're suggesting with the race but also you buy a horse that races on big cats track. Yeah so you purchase a mini horse. I know that you're really into actually. Have a mini can sell it when before yet the amount of virus chain stuff but you guys said you wanted to do when I was at the Army Navy game this year and of course I had better seats than trump trump was sitting in back of me and the first row. I'm in I wrote trump's and vacuum me. They said whether to happen to be cat and not going. You Tie Ran Iraq with the Mermaid. We should do that young. We gotta get over there two weeks to go about the mermaids how they missed them compared to the nude slasher adored staring and all the former mermaids called me up and they said we. WanNa reunion tour. We want to go to New York. La and Chicago. I said why though cities and they said a smart they are 'cause they're all dark blue will stand out in contrast we WANNA we're more or less. I said I got better. Why we make Orange Barstool bikinis you'll jump up and down in Hell. Yes my mind's man. These are great ideas. Let's the texts you because we should actually talk about the racing things. We'll talk about it. Offline right yeah but I just want to know. I really liked what you guys do and I really. Nobody intimidate you. And I you know I started out with you guys about five six years ago and I believe I took a lot of help sticking to free everywhere. The namic believes it at the outset. Great without you. Mas Man Hank we'll be in touch okay. Perfect great talking to you as a mom says that you're a great friend. Follow up you follow up. I'm gonNA fucking mad dude. Toby sick follow. If you bought one of your horses yet that I can say yes. Fifteen thousand twenty thousand ten percent deal follow up then all right. Secure the deal that now now I will. I want temper as the ideas guy behind that five done. I'll buy dinner done okay. That was cool thrown. We're on the throne we finally called Marlins Man All right let's get interviews. We have two things coming up. So we're going to do patent well first and then we're starting a dungeons and dragons adventure. We are nerd. Our our we have tim. Woods ARE DUNGEON. Master is going to basically. He's starting an adventure with us. And Billy football and we are going to do every two weeks. We're going to pick up where we left off so thirty minute bites of it until we reach. I don't know how you win it but we'll win this game so it was very funny. Ridiculous ridiculous premise. But let's do that after you've got a quick before pat before we get to patent Oswald once guys about our good good friends over at simply safe with all the uncertainty in this world feeling safe at home has never been more important so i WanNa talk to you about simply safe home security. Their longtime friends of pardon my take and for good reason. Simplisafe has made it easy to finally get comprehensive protection for your home. I think they've been advertising with us. Since two thousand seventeen the rider die simply safe as a writer. Di Company with part of my take. They ride or die with award-winning listeners. 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Pmt Make sure that they know that part of my takes you from simply safe and all of us here were wishing as safety in good health. And now patents. Well Okay we now welcome on very special guest. He has a new Standup out in May nineteen. It Pat Nozzle I love. Everything is a new Stand up you can watch on that flex you got nothing else to do so you better be watching. It are you. I'm sorry thanks for that. Greeny gasoline you've got to do are you? That's true I'll take it like. There's this party like everyone just stuck at home watching Netflix. This is a net flicks boom for anyone who's got some coming out. So whenever they announced a new show that premieres. I'm so excited. When a new movie comes out or a season is something I go. Yeah I could not. I cannot be more apt for new television. Yes absolutely yes. So you've done you've been in like all my favorite shows which is crazy like looking back through your body of work. You've done some very very funny shows with very very funny. Comedians that your co acting with and a lot of these shows it seems like there's a lot of Improv. That goes on during the scene. So you know you have a direction where you WANNA go. It's parks and REC or if it's it's V or what have you. I've always wondered in an environment like that. Do is it competitive. Are you trying to out funny? The person next to you to a certain extent when you're younger yes you do try to do that. Because you're so you're trying to make your name or your find your place in the scene but as you get older you learn is the best way to make the whole scene funnier and thus make yourself more memorable is if everyone is trying to make each other funnier in the scene. If you're all setting each other up in the scene starts cooking and then everyone remembers the events of the scene. Remember that you were part of this amazing scene but if everyone's trying to bulldoze or one another and be like I'll be the funny one in the scene than that. Yes you'll get a funny moment at the scene will die and the moment out of context won't really land so the best scenes shows like like parks and rec in veep and stuff like that. It's people trying to make each other funny in the scene and that always built it up so much better so going off with Gis said about how you've been in pretty much. Everything and I agree on so many so many funny scenes funny shows what is your approach when it comes to like a work and how you decide what you're going to do because you don't usually see actors and Comedians who are in as much as many things as you are in. Yeah I guess with me. Just I'm very very. I've been very very fortunate to get to you. Know I think when I do something. I'm usually so excited to be there. And that I guess word of that gets around like he likes being thanks. Let's bring him any hill and I try to always usually when I'm in something I'm a fan of what I'm in right now. Television so good. That's the weird thing to say. But he is so good that all the shows you get to be on your like. Oh I'm Gonna I remember this amazing something as usual excited and then it just kind of snowballs from there it is true that like Golden Age. It feels weird to say but we in a golden age of television where. There's so many good things going on at the same time and you can watch anything at anytime on any any kind of subject matter like if you like. Science fiction is amazing science fiction if you like sports not just the live sporting events now. There's like the sports documentaries on a thirty for thirty and the stuff that HBO documentaries does about Sports Adam. Corolla has racing documentaries on. Netflix are fascinating Like again any area that you're interested. There's something really well made about. It obviously True Crime. Obviously comedy all that stuff. It's just it's everything is exploding and it's fascinating. I've always wondered if there's a difference between being in you. Big Hit show. That comes out on Netflix. And one that trickles out traditionally where it's got your defined seasons and you get like kind of like a lasting. Oh you're the guy that's in this television show and it can last years at a time whereas it comes out on Netflix and everybody is just singing your praises for a few months telling you how great this is but then it kinda fades away really quickly like which one of those two dynamics you prefer. That's wow I never thought I wonder if that's going to change how people wow because with tavist with what you said. Tv that comes out like an episode a week over a number of years you kind of develop and grow with the character and you grow with people's reactions to it. But would they Netflix or Hulu series? You shoot the whole thing and they. Just here's the whole series. You have kind of made. Yes you still develop the character and you shoot it over however months you takes shoot it but you have decided on that character and then the public reacts to it in total rather than week to week or especially if you do like a traditional. Sitcom or when our show on network TV you're about four or five episodes ahead so if an episode comes out and people react strongly for or against something you will adjust that as you do future episodes and that's always was always part of TV. I never thought of it that way. I wonder if there are. There's probably younger actress coming up. That will never understand that process. It's a good thing to be able to react to to your audience a little bit and see what works like I. Was there a time in your career like one of the characters playing where you did adjust what you were doing? I do remember very clearly the first couple of seasons of King of Queens. I was just not a trained actor and it was really really floundering and I wasn't able to figure out how to make the character funny and and then so in between seasons two and three. I started working with an acting coach. Had A friend come in meet lives and really really work on like what to do with the scenes. Maybe Mesra in like re watch the episodes Especially to watch people like Kevin James Jerry Stiller who were so amazing to see like how are they landing this stuff so effortlessly and then putting that work in figuring that out Wow that's a really good. That's a really good area to explore because also what's happened is yes. It's a good thing to adjust. But sometimes it's a bad thing. If all you're doing is chasing the audience's approval you can miss the opportunity to develop your character in a unique way. That first people don't like and they go. Oh wait a minute. That's amazing which some of these Netflix Hulu shows. Allow the actress to do without them. An actor and actress can work and they don't have to have a studio executives and go well. The ratings aren't good. You got you know. They are allowed to develop their. I don't know what there's positives and negatives to both. That's a really interesting question. Yeah it's it's it's I've actually even noticed that I'm rewatching 'cause again. We have nothing to do. I'm rewatching all the office and I remember watching it. The first time loving the PAM and Jim's storyline and being like I'm rooting for them and now I'm re watching it. Maybe it's because I know the ending but I I'm so annoyed by them constantly on camera and I think it's 'cause I'm watching four or five episodes in one night. Where their interactions? I'm like this is over the top whereas when you watch it once a week and a new one comes out. It doesn't it. Feels like you have whole life in between and it doesn't feel as in your face. Wow that's really the office and parks and rec a really good examples because the very famously the first accepts owed to those shows. The tones are so different than the rest of the series. He tried to be everyone was a little meaner and negative. And they were trying to emulate ricky job as they learn very quickly. People don't like this and they adjusted those shows especially parks and REC arsenic early on. It's very very snarky. Dark very anti hero s and then they adjusted and then made the show works. So but what? You're saying with a Netflix. Hulu model. Don't do that adjustment. That's the whole season And soon as he should show. You're in a bubble where onset. Gone God. This is so brilliant. But what you think is so brilliant when you put it in front of an audience or dislike. I don't get this. Have you ever had a moment where you've been part of a project and in the moment you're like this is awesome and then you yourself watch it back and be like ooh that? I would have done something differently here. Yeah there have been a couple of things. I don't want to name them because they're some of them are done by friends of mine and some of them have friends of mine in it but yeah there's been a couple things a couple movies couple thi episodes that been in where. Mike this decision making his pretty cool. And then you see how people react to it. You're like Oh yeah. I might have been a little self-indulgent there or something that we did on one day but then fit in a bigger context just doesn't work and you gotTA lose it. And it's so heartbreaking. When that happens it happens. It's part of the race but it's also part of the fun. Yes same time. Do you have any problems writing a character and then turning it over to somebody else. No in fact I like when you read a character the there's a series that I produced and wrote Co for Hulu coming up later this year called mode dock and it's all voiceover. It's animated and seen characters that we wrote in development in seeing how people interpreted them with voiceover took them. Different ways is fascinating. It's so cool to watch. That's always fun for me. I always loved that Bring something new something you did that. That struck me as about five years ago. I don't know if you remember it but You did the twitter thread after. Trevor Noah became the daily show host and there was the little jokes and stuff at basically your twitter thread. Was You told one joke. Fifty-seven tweets after that explaining the joke and apologizing. If anyone was offended in any different way. Do you one remember in to do you still stand by the idea. That comedy should be protected and things that are taken out of context from years past. Can't be judged the same way I stand by two things in comedy. I stand by context and I also stand by evolution. Yes always have to put things within their context. If you look back at you know. Look there's there's moments in the movie ghostbusters. That are very sketchy by today's standards In terms of like but you have to also keep in mind the context of the time and go. That's how things were back then. Let's not canceled this thing after the fact and then let's embrace the evolution in the moving on that we've done those two things are what makes comedy exciting is that. There's the context and you keep context no matter what but you also have to go. Hey comedies change comedies. After awhile you kind of go. You can't just go with. That was always funny. Yeah but it's not anymore. We gotTA MOVE FORWARD. And that's fine in both of those things can exist at the same time otherwise we'd still be doing knock knock jokes saying not not offensive. You could argue like Back in the nineteen twenties which doom never no we. Just keep moving on enrolling forward. I like that answer because it does seem sometimes that it becomes like a black and white debate of you know if someone said something then. They're out or yeah. Try Reading Mark Twain Right Right Right and like you open his book. And you're like yeah. This guy cancelled right. But it's it's things that were funny ten years ago. They they were. You can't take away that feeling that they were funny ten years ago. I am very happy a few days ago. Somebody tried to start a Twitter Thread Canceling Robert. Downey junior for Tropic Thunder writing the character in black face in someone else pointed out in got like a hundred and forty. Three thousand retweets like. He's not making fun of black people. He's making fun of white actors. Who think they can play any role? Which is that. You have been outraged by and this is a perfect example of what so you so. You're totally canceling this out of context and not saying that this person is actually on your side. You're looking at it in two dimensions and just seeing what's in front of you and saying okay that I associate that would being bad ignoring the whole purpose behind the character if you show anyone just the first ten minutes and blazing saddles. You could argue. We gotTA cancel. Mel Brooks is the most racist. Look at this movie there emulate. Watch the whole thing. And you'll see that it is the most anti people Joe Rabbit was a Pro Nazi Phil Right. Just like are you like yes. This joins other pro-nazi films like seven beauties and Europa Europa. And to be or not to be like these are all clearly anti Nazi movies. But part of it is you have to. It just reminds me of like sometimes when you make fun of something you WanNa show how something horrible as I. You have to embrace it before you can strangle it. So hard. That he was showing. The part of the evil of Nazism is that it could sweep people up in. It was very appealing to people but in the end it's horrible. It's like people who watch the film Goodfellas and go that's how it should be manned friends hanging out like you're missing. The point of this movie movie is it seems really fun at the beginning and at the end. They're all about honor. Always keep your mouth shut. Never rat on your friends and all they do is throw each other under the bus and rat on each other. That's irony of that movie. Is None of them. Live by that standard and so the same people that try to cancel stuff are the same people that watch like Goodfellas scarface go yet. That's how that's how it's done with wall was a dude. Did a bunch of drugs and fucked all this hot tail. Runaround kicks ass you put your like. Did you see how those movies ended his? They don't they. Don't come out very yet so I have one follow up to that and I completely agree with what you just said. My my only question is have you noticed at all in the creative communities people maybe not taking as many risks. Because that's my biggest thing is I don't want people who are insanely creative to stop. Stop taking risks with comedy with satire with all these things in fear of a mob mentality when anything new any new kind of POPs up like Looking at things that are problematic looking at things that are not woke. People initially take and they'll take it way too far because it's a new toy and they'll run around with it and they'll shoot someone's eye out with it and it sucks it's sets that happens and then the stuff get scaled back. I'm not seeing Yes for a while. I did see comedians taking less risks because the atmosphere was so supercharge and it was being done so clumsily but now have you noticed that people are taking even cleverer risks in are getting around of the peace. He stuff back to Joe Joe Rabbit. It guy made a comedy were a kid. Has Hitler as imaginary radius and it was nominated for an Oscar. The shows succession makes you root for the. Most Eagle Rapi racist characters. You've ever seen on TV if once a new whenever a new structure comes along. There's always someone that commend come along and find a cool way around it that actually advances things the strictures that were there in the late fifties lenny. Bruce came along found a way around strictures against women in Comedy. Joan rivers came along found a way around it. The like everyone keeps finding clever ways. There's always the clumsy attempt to Tampa Everything Down Person Fifties. It was conservatives timber everything down and then clever people find a way over it now. It's the PC woke people. China tamper down. People find clever ways around. There's always the push and then the push through. So we're just seeing the dawn of the push through and then in five or ten years they'll be another push to tamp things down and someone else will find a clever way around it. And that's what keeps comedy Music Movies. Tv. What keeps it exciting right. The trick is to find to put out the right intent and go out the right target and have the right message. And if you're doing that then there are ways around ever use the word clever and I think that you know sometimes when you see things like pc culture tapping things down a lot of people's reactions. Well I'm just going to go out there and beat the most offensive that I can to get around it and that's not always. That's not the funny way to get around it. That's not the clever clever way is finding some irony or something to some contradiction to poke cat and then use that whole point. The whole point of getting into comedy is to always find clever ways around the Shishir where they whether the Shishir be conservative or liberal or leftist or right wing. Whatever it is. You're our job is to find clever way around it. The clever way around is not pro a temper tantrum and go while I'm going to say the N Word Fifty Times. Will anyone can do that? Fine the way that the person that would normally she would go shit. That was actually good. Are you know what I mean? Believe me there were plenty of had plenty of conservative friends. Who Back in the day would would watch the daily show and go. Ash is still pretty good and I have plenty of very liberal left wing friends that still listen to stuff like some of the stuff that bill burr does go Shit A. That's a good point though. So 'cause they find clever ways around it. So that's what you but that's what you always have to do is you're not a I'm not. I'm not in comedy to be liberal or Conservative and comedy to be funny and if there were if there wasn't any wasn't any hurdles for me to find a way around be so boring. I like that. There's hurdles that can figure out a way around. That makes it more fun. 'cause then you like we all got away with it. This is great. So let me ask you this. If you're playing a character that might be pushing boundaries of character that is objectively a bad person. Like may care from veep right pretty creepy. Dude you spend your you spend all day onset being that person being discreetly guy. Do you have to remind yourself like? Hey I'm doing this as part of a larger thing where I'm making fun of this creepy guy. Oh Yeah I mean especially if you look at all the stuff that Albert Brooks Ricky Surveys Martin Mull Even Steve. Martin did back in the day. They wanted to play the people that couldn't stand to show you how awful they were and someone like Teddy Sykes who are. Unfortunately there's people like that in the world as we now know as well as we now know we always knew it but now it's all out in the open it's good to. It's good to play that character and show you how pathetic end kind of secretly afraid he actually is. And that's what he's overcompensating for. You know you I don't. It's no fun playing the person who's pointing out that things are wrong stupid. I'd rather play what is wrong and stupid and show you how dumb. It is. Fun of like like Fred. Willard Fred Willard. Is the king playing the most loathsome characters that you just love because you can see how much money's having ripping ripping apart So I've never seen Star Wars but I'm also not one of those people might no let me finish the question. Hold on one of those people who looks down on stores. I just it just never was for me but I know how popular is and I know a lot of people who listen to this show like it. So can you talk about Star Wars? That's my star wars question exiting. I mean you never having seen star wars. It might be fascinating for you now just to sit and watch it only to see the origins of so many things that are just throwaway phrases in our culture. Yeah easy it's like when I go back and watch like If I go back and listen to like really really early post punk and Garage Rock in you. See the origins of wait a minute. That Nirvana Song. That's where they got that guitar. Riff for this bachelor. They got like you see the origins of something that at the time must have seemed so startling and now it's just everywhere that that would actually be a really cool. Experience feud either to a podcast honor to alive thing on a guy watching star. The timing going. Is that where? Oh Yeah it comes from wait a minute like to see that happen for the personal. That would be fascinating. Yeah we've been using that phrase my whole life and I didn't even know came from that movie also having interesting enough I showed my daughter Star Wars from six a bunch of us. We found a print of star wars from nineteen seventy seven before the tinkering in print. It didn't even say episode. Four just said Star Wars remember. They re release. It made it. Episode Four wasn't originally Episode Four. And we showed it to all of our kids and half. The kids went crazy and half the kids. Could my daughter like it's fine. I don't know okay kinda boring. Just talk a lot. You know like because she had seen so many other awesome things since then land on her the way that it should just like what my dad took me to see star wars. Seems like I thought. Flash Gordon was amazing in my day and he tried to show me one of those old flash Gordon like this is terrible. I couldn't believe how bad it was although I could also appreciate. Oh that's when they got that. That's okay. They just he repurpose it. Do you like the direction the franchise I think. They've kind of sold out. I think the franchise like any franchises is. It's it's whoever last has it. So for instance. I thought that empires one of the best sequels ever made because they took star wars made it even better and then return of the Jedi kind of loss it a little bit and then the prequels. Let's not talk about those. You Don Judge Talk. About him either. GotTa See Georgia you should. You should start with episode one and watch them in the order that they were meant to be go watch second but and then I thought force awakens was like okay. We're of resetting. It was almost like sorry about the prequels guys and last year. I was kind of interesting like He. Let's do some new stuff on the twin. And then they went back to or at least give these guys what they want. Maybe Yoder is the stand. Laurean is amazing. Yeah it's the Star Wars Fan base the hardest fan base to please. It's up there it would be. I think it's up there with The Simpsons Fan Base Yup and maybe the Yankees series. They're like what the fuck we minute yet. In India sportsworld. What is the equivalent sports fan base of star? Wars Fan base. Ogle go. I mean we have eagles fans that are like I saw one of them. After the draft was like this franchise will never win anything. It's like dude. You won the Super Bowl three years ago when you talking about. It's it's definitely the cowboys. Because they they actually called. Jerry's world death star owned by. Jerry is darth vader mask off. He looks exactly like him. they were really popular backing like the seventy s and eighty remember and then they had like a small. They had a resurgence in the nineties. And then they haven't really done since that might Gottardi Star Wars. Yeah helmets yet. They have fans who are fans who love them but no matter what the team does they hate it. Yeah absolutely yeah. There's no pleasing them is interesting that you mentioned the simpsons audit that way. I feel like the simpsons would be one where if everybody out there watch the simpsons they would realize there's so many people that are less funny than they thought they were. There's so many people who are just really good at using Simpson's quotes at the right time. Yes I absolutely agree. Well that's like if someone who has never seen the movie caddyshack or the Big Lebowski and senior for the first seven goes that were half of these phrases come from God Like literally it's part of our language now ridiculous the amount of stuff. You should seriously do that to be a really cool limited side project for you watch Star Wars and then have you just go of the old that after the Matrix to that from. That's where that's like. I might do I might do is there. Is there anything that you've written? That has become one of those phrases that that S- injured into the public lexicon. Maybe a lot of people don't know where it came from it. See I mean I keep seeing people say the phrase will the two of them that I that I said that I keep seeing up means is Failure pile in the sadness bowl Is How I described the the Kentucky Fried Chicken Famous Bowl where they just Kentucky Fried Chicken gave up and go. Let's just put our menu in a bowl and covered in cheese and gravy and it became the most popular thing they've ever done. No Fed a created spray. That is how you eat when you're suicidal in America yes finally. That's what I don't know fence. That was bad. Take on your part. I love the famous bull. It's so convenient. It solves the problem being. It's one bowl I don't have to deal with all this shit. Just put it all together. It all ends up in the same place anyways were you ever see Colonel Sanders know. You know what there's been like forty of them and they sent me the ACURA. Did that bit. It kinda went viral. They sent me to bobbleheads one of Colonel Sanders and one of me which Mike this is some weird Castilian message. Or I don't know what this is and then the other. The other line of mine is science were all about. Coulda SHOULDA ABOUT THE SIXTY FIVE YEAR. Old Woman giving birth to twins young. I feel like wait a minute. Hang on going back to the Godfather thing I just thought of something so you guys have obviously seen the first godfather. That's there's A. There's a really interesting movie. It's not a great movie but it's still good called. You've got mail with Tom. Hanks and Meg Ryan and there's a whole subplot about. He keeps using phrases from the movie. The Godfather which is another movie were half of the dialogue is just part of our slang now. And she's like why do you? What do you mean go to the mattresses? And because what it means is how hard are you willing to commit to? Winning this battle. Are you going to go to the mattresses occur you? You don't and you realize he goes. That movie is a way for men to articulate how they have to live in the world. Yes I mean. There's so many lines in there. That reminds what you might be going to star wars. Where you're going to be. You're all you're going to be. Pretty Meg Ryan yes Z. These aren't the dry. I mean literally. These aren't the droids your looking for is now part of a craze face. It's slang for like don't ignore what glitzy what is literally in front of you. Not There is no try. Yeah I'm more of a godfather three got but I'd like to pretend that movie never existed. I never said that movie. Father Three is the prequels the godfather films in terms of people in. Let's just pretend that never happened yeah. Ms Three K. Mystery Science Theater. Three thousand that seems like another franchise with a fan base. That would be impossible to please weirdly enough there. That Bates is one of the sweetest because the personality of the show. It's Joel Hodgson. Whose such a just a genuinely Nice Guy. And he all of this comedy. It's never mean spirited. It's all about. We're in a horrible situation. Trapped on a satellite cut off from Earth. Making US watch bad movies how to make the best of this awful situation with my friends. So it's all about making do with what you have so it's like it's almost like the corporate culture of MSG Three K. Is Don't complain if it doesn't work for you make it better. Wrap you know what I mean whereas I think the corporate culture of some of these other phantoms is. I am owed everything you know. It's like it's the line from the simpsons when the COMP guys it's the worst episode ever and I feel like the. Ob An apology. It's like if giving you years of entertainment for free worst episode ever just angry. Alga WE WE. Yeah I feel like if anyone who's in any creative capacity gets that at some point where they're like give us more of what we want and it's like but I given you that for many many years. Do one thing like fuck you. I'm sure you've experienced. This is because at my friends who replied casters. If you drop an episode on our late comments or with the book dude which like Dude. It's an hour late we just want her to tweak it for you so it would be good. We from the very start. We very smartly had put the episodes out and he would fall asleep so they knew from day one. If it's late coming out. Hank passed out for four hours. That's good yeah. I have one last question. So your stand up. Special I love. Everything may nineteenth net flicks. What is the over arching? Theme? What should we do? Give us the elevator pitch. Why are we gotTa Watch? We're GONNA WATCH IT anyway. Just you know because you're very funny guy you're watching guy embracing fifty and being annoyed with the fact that he actually understands too much and it's hard to truly hate anything anymore because you know even when someone's being a dick you maybe know why they're being a Dick like Oh. I'm too old to have hatred or hatred for the young. I miss it. I like I like that a lot. I ruined is something about we. We deal every now and then like remembering that when you're twenties and that feeling like you know everything but you actually know nothing. Oh my God. It wanted to get a perfect example. This and I'm sure you've experienced this as sports fans as you get older news. You understand what athletes go through so stuff that you got angry at when you're young look to sell out then you get older you go good for him making some money. I know how horribly they're treating them when I was a young music fan whenever a band would like loan their song to a product or a commercial buck and bone said he sell sellouts then. I began to be friends with a lot of musicians and I saw how horrible their record contracts were the residuals were and then when I heard when I hear whenever I hear a song in a commercial good for them. Good their kids. Teeth are straight and they can retire when they're sixty good for them. It is so happy I agree with you but at the same time it is weird sometime during a Lou reed song in a car. But it's also the way a lot of people like Bob Dylan Selling Volvos. I bet you there's a bunch of people who found out like Oh my God. That song was pretty cool. Let me go out exactly. When I found out that smashmouth wrote the song all star to try to sell the move wrote it specifically to sell the Nike and Were good and they sold the GATORADE. I'm like good for them. Good what was the other one. I had no idea he just blew my mind. All start was not written about just like somebody telling somebody else that the world is going to roll him other song. That was the movie. What was that movie that they disagreement? Yeah mystery came out. Yeah altering yeah and they also put the song and they're like absolutely make that money. I like before we let you go. I have one question to wrap things up. I was a big Fan of your performance in big Fan. So thank you. You have obviously spent some time listening to sports. Talk Radio Did did you. Did you write all that stuff yourself where you're where you're calling into this show every single night because we have people that call into our radio shows here that I think they write their script out exactly what I'm going to say I didn't write it? The Guy who wrote the movie is the same guy who wrote the wrestler and he was obsessed with he would listen to these calling programs and he could tell calls where guy is clearly like reading a manifesto which. I'm sure you guys have experienced. And he wrote he would write it out but he made sure he goes. I don't want you to memorize style. I will give you this stuff written out right before we should. I want to feel like you're reading it and it's not quite conversational field. 'cause you you guys must have. You guys must've taken calls for your lake. You're about to energy accurate. Like oh no wait. He's reading a paragraph. I gotTa let him finish breath. If interject kill start again you'll go back to the beginning and I can't do this right now. Us also like to insane where you shot Michael Rapaport to that. You'll like this. That scene we shot in a bar on Stanton Island and Super Low budget movie. They all the extras day. Put an ad on craigslist cumby. An extra movie so we all got that morning wrong. They're setting up the shot and everything and All the extra show up to put people in places in a guy. One of the Extras Act. Like twenty minutes goes by an extra gets a call. And he's like Oh God I I have. I have an emergency. I have to leave. I is just going to be moving like no. There's like fifty people here he goes. I'm so sorry I haven't this thing at home really freaking out like due to toe you go. Don't worry about it we're not paying you. You can leave many leaves. That are the ten minutes goes by and people are like worst. My laptop for the Aussie had come in case the place with his backpack. Grab whatever he cut off the tables and then had his friend call him. And all I gotTA GO. I respect move. Yeah what a what a smart smart move. Yeah move. Pat Oswald has been awesome. Thank you so much everyone go watch the new stand up special. I love everything. May Nineteenth on Netflix. Yes Dude Dude. Limited series of you watching Star Wars. That would be fascinating. Yeah you have to totally to if you do it up totally do it. I WanNa see how you react with. That'd be amazing. I love it. I absolutely think about doing it. Do at least one episode. I'll make them do a single episode. GonNa think about it all right. All right thanks so much. Cpac before we get to this ad quick reminder for Friday's show. We're going to be watching other documentary. This one is going to be Ronnie Coleman King. It's about weightlifting. It's about bodybuilding. It's an awesome. Documentary is very very funny. You can watch it on Youtube. Google play Amazon. Check it out. Run Coleman the king. 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We're going to start a longer campaign on part of my take every two weeks. We will run thirty minutes of our campaign and we're going to see where it goes and Tim is going to What was it? What's the official title Dungeons and Dragons Master? I am a dungeon master. Although game master is like I run all different kinds of games. Earning Dungeons and dragons dungeon under NASA. Sounds Nice so so before we start. Let's do a quick fresh for everyone who might be listening for the first time with the dungeons and dragons explain to us or explain your audience. What is Dungeons and dragons? What exactly you do. And what we're about to embark on absolutely for sure so Dunton. Dragons is one of my favorite games of all time. It is eight type of tabletop role playing game. Where basically we're all gonna take on the roles of different characters who are in theory going to team up and go on an adventure together whereas you'll be playing different characters and making choices about what they do and would abilities. They use powers. I will be telling the story talking about what your character see what they're fighting and I'll be controlling a lot of the monsters but also the good people in the world of Dungeons and dragons and leading you on your adventure as it works. I am a profession. So you're God basically you take on the role of a God in this game. It can be a benevolent God or you can be is evil as you WANNA be. -solutely can you even even go as far as the over? God I decide what the Gods of dungeons and dragons do so. I'm even a step above them and I I wanna I wanna just note something that you said there that I wanted to take this time to apologize to everyone here because you said we were. GonNa work together last time in theory theory Larry. I'm we had an issue because we were running out of time and I realized that I could kill everyone so I want to take time in apologize to I was barbarian. I want to apologize to who was a bard and to hank who is a warlock. I killed them both. I would like to say truce. And let's see where this goes where we work together in the in you know time last time. Oh okay truce truce. The thing about words is if you don't mean them all stop my meaning at all. I last time we were trying to end the game. Promised we're going downstairs. Broken listen to a bard has a good memory he forgives. You didn't even know you were bar. He forgives but he does not forget so I told you know but I have a real quick question. 'cause I don't know how much we got into the back story about. Dungeons and dragons. Last win was dungeons and dragons invented. And do we know who started it? Yes actually we do know on the part of what I wrote about is In the restored in the nineteen seventies. Which interesting is right when computers were invented? And choose your own adventure books and stuff like that people were all getting into this kind of like procedural systems for Games and a guy named Gary Guy Gags as well as including a guy named Dave Arnson will all kind of work together to create this game and he kind of like went out and crowd sourced all the rules that like. What do you think should happen in this game? A lot of it was just kind of like people getting together creating this simulation in their mind. And just anchoring rules to it and the initial rules were like real weird and not that great and complicated and over the years. They've gotten a lot better in some ways more realistic but more than anything a lot. More Fun Guy. Against the guy get one job. If you're Gary Guy Geck's that's to create dungeons and dragons is what you put on this earth to do without down. I believe dungeon master master himself. Is there a goat dungeons and dragons player? Who's the best of all time so it depends on who you ask? There are many kind of celebrity players out there and stuff and a very popular dungeon master a very popular Game Masters Matt Mercer Right now. They're series critical role got picked up by Amazon. And they're pretty dear. Do PRETTY WELL. Right very popular at the moment kick-started for like eleven million dollars and then got picked up by part of my take. So you see. I'm doing great right now. One last question before we jump in. Can we do like a cross campaign like inside of our campaign? Can we go kill Mike? Mercer? I mean so in theory I could always like insert like characters from Mercer's games like Indy. Here or something. It's all like in theory can be one big world if you want and I do sometimes like characters from one of my games can show up under my control in like other games and stuff so we give fun to do. Crossover beat my Bursar than we're the go. Yeah so the. What's the longest or what's the average time that a game takes? I'll say this usually when I run games for customers. I'm running a three hour session. Typically so we can't be doing abbreviated version but we can definitely sink our teeth into the action just as we did last time. We'll get to three hours. It just is going to take multiple times so we'll stop and pick up okay. So what's the first thing we have four players billy? Football's also here. He's in the middle of us. You didn't meet him last time. What is this? How do we start in theory? I would start by first of all just highlighting who your characters are. And I know he didn't do this last time but in theory you can come up with name. Your character and decide is much back story for them as you want new players. I never worried too much about that. Because we're going to be learning who these characters are together but I'll say generally you would pick your character and what we could do. Is We had some great character selections last time. We had a barbarian aboard a warlock. That's a great group. We can pick those same characters again if we want or we could pick different characters like a different fighting type. A different spell caster. We didn't we don't have well. The Bard is kind of sneaky. Still be skill based characters. We have a lot of the best characters we could get with anyone And I'll say I always say there's four different categories the fight types. The spell casters the healers and the sneaky skill based characters. Was anyone interested in hearing about them or did they just WANNA grab their character? I personally feel like we should run back our characters and add billy crew so so all right so I'd be. I'm a barbarian and take warlocks so then Willie like Gin Lee. From game of thrones warlocks Lord of the Rings Lord of the Rings. Absolutely the door would kind of be like a barbarian or maybe a fighter a big big bruiser however there is a classic archetype of the door in cleric. The dorm follows the God of more in. That kind of door is more of a healer. Let's say Okay. Give me would've can also be a dwarf you barred can be any race you want it to be wondering absolutely okay so a little note of that. So what is the fourth category? Yeah make it. Make sure you really write it down very short five five six. Yeah for sure. So what is the fourth category that we don't have now so we have a barbarian? Bard in a whiz warlock. What's the fourth category? We don't have in theory. The healer types would be that you don't have yet so I mentioned the cleric and that would be the fourth kind of perfect each that you'd be filling right now so so the warlocks kind of your spell caster the clerk is your healer. The barbarian is your big fight type and the bar would be kind of the skill base and then talkative also barbarian is like twenty pounds overweight. Down lost a little bit of right. That part so early in his face look is true so all right so the the bill is going to be a cleric. Absolutely adore cleric. I assume or you can build a giant giant cleric. There is a race called goliaths. Who are like half giants? They're not quite full giants. Yup there are playable you big and you grow rock out of your head like parts perfect tattoos. So That's interesting to me. Because if you're a goliath cleric than actually you worship the Goliath gods and I'll admit I don't know a thing about them so we get to get pretty create okay so so. We have our our roles. What's our next step? Absolutely so all the stuff about our characters all kind of letting us know as we go what? Our powers are spells. You might have available. We have a lot of different abilities and on our terms. We can't go over those but we could just be diving right into the action now at this point. Of course we if have having any names or anything any backstory details in more than welcome to think about that but I will let us know where our story would be the beginning because we each other name. I would like to be called. Erlich the warlock or the warlock. That's pretty good or lick though warlock. I love that. Are you a Human Erlich or or an L. for a door for a GNOME? Anything like that Goliath no morlock Nomura. I love that idea. That's fun arm. Warlock my ball. You won't excellent. I'm Berserk her. Billy Beserk Billy. The cleric the Goliath cleric resercher billy. I love that you must surely follow like a war God or something within the bed. That's four Magic Wayne wearing the bard. Okay Wayne the door in par- go just a regular. I think I'm just going to be. Bob Barbarian evolve. The Barbarian is a classic Human Barbarian Bob Yup Humour. What's the other. What else could I be in theory? Elves don't make great barbarians. Humans are pretty good. Doors are pretty you. The human barbarian always gotTa have one human in the Group. Just feed like normally dude ensure all right. Your norm norm variant norm depart Burien. Yeah norms of our norm the barbarian make a little note of that. Chad's the barbarian. Absolutely throw I'M GONNA ring. The bell came on all on it and all of our characters including norm the Human Barbarian. Wayne the door of and barred Erlichs no morlock and Berserk or billy are goliath cleric. All of us have one thing in common whether we've met before or whether we're just getting to know each other. We're currently working as caravan guards right now. And it's level one characters. Caravan Guard is a pretty classic job for you to get. There's not much you can't go in and fight a dragon at this level right now. So you're kind of making a little bit of money watching out for bandits and Goblins as this caravan. Full of ten wagons has been traveling along this beautiful trail through a land That is called L. Ter- guard alter guard is a land of Rolling Hills and it is near a beautiful metropolitan city. The Sword Coast called Baldur's Gate and we on this caravan in theory are bound for Baldur's gate and we're about to stop tonight in a village called Greenest was nice about village green. It's a tiny little place. Nothing bad is ever going to ask totally totally right doing to double. Its teeny tiny. Little village without anything noteworthy will sell some cabbages get some money and then continue on to Baldur's Gate X. Zapped old takes exposed to him at right now. I'm nervous at the moment. You're noticing as you guard this caravan and are just Mosey ing along on some wagons the scout for this caravan. The Guy who rides out ahead is coming riding back. And he's riding heart right now. He is riding with urgency quicker than you've ever seen him ride before any rides master. He's got the caravan measures like our boss. The scout rides up to him and we see them hop office horse and he's talking to the caravan master masters like Ooh and we see the caravan master rush over to us and he says okay. The scout just told me greenest. The village is on fire. I knew I now. There's smoke rising from the village. I don't know a said. It looked like multiple fires. And he said he thought he heard and he looks at the Scout and then looks back at you. Aurore card master smoke each other out again. Live with it okay. Okay box in the village. Greenish Yeah Yeah I'll trade them some cabbage okay and so it does sound like the caravan master and the scouter turning to us. And they're saying well. What do you think we should do? Do you want to scout ahead of the caravan? Should we stop here should we? What do you think? And we've got some options. We could talk to the caravan master but it doesn't seem to know too much we could talk to the Scout. He also only got a little glimpse or we could. Just start heading to greenest. We could do whatever we light with prochet. I think we've got to just say fuck it. We're about that action to push rushing in and we're like the Fokker awesome guards but we're the ones who if the bandits were to show up we'd be the problem solvers where the elite force here compared to some of these other like levels zero. Mooks running around you get closer to the village. You can tell that the scout was right there. Smoke rising and we're seeing small groups of villagers who look like they're fleeing the village out into the woods around here. All we like to do at this point you could get closer but you know that once we get up top of the next hill you're going to be like seeing the village below you'll be pretty close to the village. GonNa win homegrown. Who could roll to try to look at what you can see from faraway or you could grab some of these peasants enroll the see if you can stop them in like get the. Metaxas hostile get some peasants from St Louis. You see nearby you. What looks like a small family fleeing up over a hill from behind a tree and it looks like a dad in the lead. Swing and like a lantern like. He's trying to use that as a weapon like everybody got away. And there's two kids running after him and then the mom is in the back and she's got a shield and a spear out she's obviously part of the militia here and she had weapons to grab and she's guarding the kids from behind. It looks like she's worried are enemies approaching her. It seems do you want to try to your. But they seem pretty far away. Do you WANNA roll persuasion to try to see if you can flag them down or a theory. That barred would be very good at persuasion. You'd have a plus five on this hour as if we're trying to intimidate them yell at them tell us what's going on that will be the barbarians for we want to intimidate these people. We WanNa vote because you know. We want to befriend them and we want to get to their village can we? Can we make a note that I would like to speak to the children? Children can't lie. Okay you can absolutely would you be on so I heard a norm. You're looking to talk to the children. But I'll warn you your persuasion bonus it barred can go. Barkan a good call. I'm the same size of them. So they'll trust me more. Okay here we go that absolutely as door. You can start rushing in their direction. Roll a D twenty the big guy and then add a plus five year role likely to do better here. We go rolling rolling out. The die has been cast. It's only seven so it's a twelve with a twelve. They're only going to answer one question right now. They're like we don't have time. You gotTa keep going. What do you want to ask them? Lidge who's in the village yeah Who is in the village? Who's in the village? The The dad looks at you like he has no time to answer but the two kids the boy and the girl they look each other and they the boys clearly smiling at you. He loves to meet a door if he probably has a metaphor before and then he blurts out red robes guys in red robes and the little ones little little monsters and their friends who have red robes. I don't know they're taking everything shady everything in the village and setting it on fire and his sister like grandeur shut up we gotta go Okay so what do we do? Now Push. I think we gotta go full Senate in this village. I WanNa hear what Tim say. What is Red Robes me? Do we know Ola good question? So if you're wondering what red robes might mean you can roll a history check and I would say everybody could roll this history check and if anybody everybody roll a d twenty to see if you know what red robes might wanNA relooking for here and in theory the warlock has a plus four if you get a fifteen or higher lemme know warlocks. Really the only one who would have a big hail. Twelve billion eight nine thousand nine hundred eighteen nineteen warlock nineteen thousand. Nine hundred plus four equals whom three? So I'm going to say anybody who got a fifteen or higher. It sounds like a norm. You know this Red Robes. It sounds like a cult to you. There are many evil cults and joined on June dragons some of them worship evil elder gods. Some of them worship demons. You don't know who this group is exactly but red robes on deftly sounds like a cult to you it sounds like they have lesser minions with them however with a twenty three on that role the warlock who is probably himself kind of occultist knows a lot about red robes in particular you. Can you can even like confirm with the kids. Wait was there also gold on their robes and the kids are like yeah and you confirmed that means red and gold means the cult of the Dragon. The dragon is a group who dragons evil dragons like they are God and they serve dragons as like lesser minions kind of dragging. Yeah okay. We're GONNA work now. Are they dragons? Or whatever and because I've been told that there's a different there is a big difference especially indeed indeed wall widens our beasts that are like dragons true dragons. Andy Andy we all would know. Have a couple of things going for them. They can talk. They are highly intelligent and they usually have a lot of magic at their disposal but why Burns compared to a dragons are like chickens. Compared to a hawk is a very different situation a different different threat level. Okay so so all right. So just a recap guys. We know it's a cult. We know it's a cult for dragons. Sounds what is our option now for our next move. You are currently still talking to the kids. But they don't seem to want to talk anymore. We could keep rolling checks on them if we WANNA pump them for more young so but otherwise it will be no check to just run further into the village. Check to scout the village carefully from waterboard. The witnesses we enhanced interrogation. Kill them upside down out. I think we should scout. I think we should scout the village. -solutely what do you guys you guys cool there who? Scott it it could you want. You want to go all the way in Desert Kabila. I thought it remember I said Scout and I mean you could always start doing perception checks. When you're you're seeing the village and more clearly this is a classic situation where like the Big Guy has short friends. It's like yeah. Let's go fight. These guys go to fight a me. I don't WanNa do that. I WANNA hang out in like a song. It's the short guy at the bar. Who gets in a fight has got a big friend? Billy school go. He'll at the tavern because someone there probably is not worried about any of it. Oh is there a tavern in the town point? Almost definitely a tapper. Let's go bar hopping so we go to the tab back -solutely as you as you get to the top of the hill that's going to allow you to see into the village. Now you crest this hill and sure enough you can see the tavern but it's on fire burn the Tabar down and you can see red robed figures laughing and marching around in groups around this town setting buildings on fire and you also see red road figures running out of buildings carrying chests and wardrobes and other random knickknacks there like stealing. I'll be honest with you. It sounds like the red robes are absolutely dominated this fight. Yeah so we want to be on the side right side of history right yes. So what's our option? Now that we've seen everything's on fire there Vung and Shit up would we? Do you see many groups of Red Robes? But they all look pretty distant to you. You're also noticing a castle up on a hill and lots of the villagers. Fleeing the red robes seem to be running to the castle or out into the outskirts in woods so you can roll perception to look around. See if there's anything else you haven't seen yet you could start proceeding further into the village but then you don't know when you'll run into enemies exactly. There's the risk of that. You could do whatever you want at this point. You're seeing a lot of people running around in this village fighting and yeah the red robes or Winning for sure. Could we send the caravan that we came with? Could we put them on the front lines and send them into the village to fight in theory? You could go back to them and tell them the convinced them. Hey either it's good or whether it's good or not you gotta go ahead ahead of us. You're more than welcome to but I'll tell you this you don't think that caravan is going to last very long. Okay so what I think is talking about. I say now. This is a team decision. But I say we can't let these fucking red robe dwarves fuck shit up for too long. Let's go save this village because then it's ours. Colt sounds awesome. Let's say okay. Let's go in and we couldn't join the Colt and then save the village from within kind. Like what do I feel fire? How about this? How about we we go to the red robes and we say we want to join your cult and then when they start like recruiting us would kill all them Sneaky can we do that absolutely you could. I would say that if you start heading into the village you're looking around for groups of red robes but before you see them you're passing by. What seems like a barn. And you're hearing no elise from inside of it. It doesn't sound like red robes though it sounds like yapping tiny voices that are around inside this barn. Now I'M GONNA say up ahead you do notice to red robes setting a cottage on fire so here this and then you see that. What would you be interested in? I gotTa talk to preserve crappy like someone's wife Nagging. They might know something. It's Greenie. Yeah let's talk to them. You Open Up the barn. Is that right with the yapping voices. Yeah take out the trash. What you see is these creatures that you all know the name of as soon as you spot them beezer creatures called coble and they are notoriously weak little Mongols Indian. They each they each look like a little tiny lizard person kind of a long lizard. Face and each have little daggers in their hand or what they appear to be trying to do is gather up a bag of potatoes and carried over their head but it requires two of these little bitty co builds to carry a single bag of potatoes. And there's several bags in here. They're fighting right now and they all turn and look at you and four of them all frozen right now. What do you do OK p question? Now this don't say that I'm always wondering about food but do we need to eat at some point. Should we just kill these fuckers and eat them with the potatoes in theory? You always have food to eat. I kinda say. But you're not cobol is a rare delicacy outlets grow old and fries to we send our beserk in there and just start having fucking on these little guys -solutely. I'm going to say beserk. Now when you say burkard you meet billy or norm. The norm to step on whatever's going to get us the food fastest. I love it. I would say sending the barbarian versus definitely the way to get him barbarian if you Shin you can make an attack against one of these colds go ahead and roll a D. Twenty plus five. I need to roll here. What am I looking for? You don't know exactly what you need. The armor of some creatures is very high. You don't think Kobe temporary high armor probably don't eat higher than like maybe thirty. Okay here we go attend plus five fifteen five the fifteen. That is a solid hit against one of the CO bolts. Now do you see. I'm actually GonNa give you a choice. Would you be wielding a big axe or a big sword? Dude thing up to you. Sword Sword a sword. Grab two of the D. Sixes the cube dice. And you're GONNA roll them. We don't have no worries. I can a role it for your right now. Would you like meat over? Sure absolutely the damage that you're going to be getting let see is going to be you get to add plus three to this You got seven on the dice. You Roll Two d six and got seven perfectly average and then you add plus three at ten because you dealt so much damage. I'm GONNA say this. There was two bolts holding up a sack of potatoes. You just slice through both of them sale on time killed both in one. Go and I say that's because you dealt exactly enough damage to kill to Kabul. Do you think they each had five? Hp TO SWING Your Sword and Cleveland to the other to go tour lifting the Saxon. Just start panicking. And kinda waving their daggers. At you they're definitely going to either attacker run but next up would be Wayne. The dwarf barred Wayne the barbarian Russian. What would you do I would not? They're going to run her attack. You're not sure I'm GONNA make them fight each other and the winner gets to stay alive. I love that so you can use. Persuasion convince them and the funny thing is if you use intimidate you can really yell at them. Table plus three on that so in theory barred. You're better at being run. Ice Or tricky. I WANNA sit up like my own little dogfight between these little cobalt and then the winner of it gets to be your pet so you say hey one. He's going to get to be my pet but only if they kill the other one and that's a good persuasion check. I liked that and roll with a plus farm. It gets. You can be that difficult. Oh you rolled road on two of them turn to look at each other and they start to. Yap in their own language at each other. And I know warlock the warlock would know this language they are speaking injure connick to each other. They speak the language of dragons we are learning and so it does seem like the Dragon Hung Win The weight. Should we just capture them then? And keep them. Because if we're going to have to deal with dragons in the Colt. We have a translator. We have a translator. Can we do that? Even though we've killed their buddies and we're to eat them in front of them. It would be persuasion. Check Shirley unfortunately right now these two couples have just turned to look at each other and in Konic. They said to each other. Hey if we gang up on them we don't have to fight each other at all and they go. Oh yeah that's right and then there are leaping to attack the barge so you can still try to convince them if you want barred with. All you have is your action. You talk to them so you can use your action to talk to them again or attack them. Which would go talk to him. I gotTA talk to him. I'm going to double down on talk. I'm going to double down thirty. Got Enough food. Okay here we got silly. They're heading right for you. Listen Cooler Cooler. Heads will prevail here. I Oh twelve throw a twenty suck my words with you go from famine to Fi Style. Love it and you just got a critical at twenty five total. What are you saying to these colds to convince them? Going to work. One way or another you just got a critical head. What are you telling them food? Okay so I'm going to say that when you tell them it's their friends. Say we have food and drink and it's it's the meat and blood of their buddy also does but also I want them to fight each other because I wanna keep one of them as a pet eventually absolutely they hear about the food and they don't even ask for details food food and they do speak the common tongue it seems and they go. Oh we're hungry. Look and they pointed the potatoes. I snack where we're hungry yeah. I'm we both help. We both help. Yeah Yeah what do you say was? Let's ask which we trust. And so the thing is he's pushing pretty hard on not making these two things fight each other to tell them. Now you gotta fight each other and then you'll have one minute okay. How how about both both on communicate? Give a turn knows how to. Erlich knows how to talk to them. I wonder if they have different. Sets of skills are they are the identical DNA are they. They seem pretty much like pretty ordinary noble. Same stats okay. Let me ask this question. That do they know I already killed there to friends. And are they mad about it would hundred percent? They're mad but I will tell you know I'll tell you what the critically you know this. They're terrified because you killed their friends and you can tell that they are cowardly and willing to serve anyone who has proven that. They are stronger than Nicole. Okay I think we got to kill one guy. Kill one I let them two of them. Should we just have beserk her? Billy take matters into his own hands and kill one of them and then the other one can be like I want to name it week and and teach it to be afraid of me Okay Yeah So. Let's kill one of them absolutely case it would be a perfect berserk or billy If you WANNA charge in swing with your war hammer you absolutely may you would have a plus on this to kill the last thing the one. Kobylt. We don't need the extra hammer time. Come on billy don't faulk. He is like immediately. Seeing you rushing in like now now get her. Get her get him get him. It's nine nine and is that before you had the plus four. Yeah that is before we absolute so you gotta thirteen total. I'm happy to report. That is just barely a hit against the code you do you happen to see a DA in front of you is the kind of and we have properties on his. You've only got perfect now that I know awesome absolutely. I'm going to roll the the damaged ice. I The d twenty is the most important one and so you just dealt nine seven damage to this cold smush. It is destroyed and the bold wreak. I GUESS TURNS AND GOES. Hey good choice. Great choice gives us a thumbs up. He didn't like that other coble that all and he loves us now by all accounts and you made the right choice to kkob olds scheme together one. Bold is just a very helpful minion. Honestly I a good call this. This KOGO throws himself at the feet of the do a cleric but also the feet of the Bard and to be fair the burgers the barbarian as well. He's afraid of all of you right now. Okay so we own them so now. What's our next step? We're going to eat when fucking eat and the Fat Mary. And then what do we do? I'll say this you can load up the Cobo bodies into your bag. It might take a while like Cookham and stuff. But you're you're due for a good feast once you exhaust. Let's salt and cure him. Procam hang onto her for later. Yeah totally so tim. This might be a good think is a good time to stop for this session or should we babysit up. What let's do a cliffhanger so if you were to say interrogate this cold. I think we would get a really good cliffhanger. Table just listened to find out what's going on in that town. It's target coble. Yeah Yeah and and that means that if the bard talks to him or if the Bar Burien intimidate either one you'll get advantage because he already is afraid of you and willing to serve review so advantage you two times the higher number who would like to eat on interviewing this goal talking here we go eleven eleven and then I need to roll again and take the higher number eleven higher number eleven Zaire number so with a plus five added to that. I think you've got sixteen persuasion. And so with a sixteen. The coal bold wants to spill all the beans basically circuit least right now question at least three okay. I want to know what what the red robes are doing. They're why they're taking over that town he says. Oh humans humans. Yeah right Bro. Jade ropes. Well WE HERE TO TAKE MONEY. We here to take goods. We here to take anything not nailed down. I'm is four. Horford is for the horde remarks. Grow the horde. And you can tell he's repeating a motto that he's been taught a mantra. We must grow the hoard. The hoard must grow. Okay always even teeny. Puny village like this. Have some money Dragons or like where the leader will we should. We should ask that but we gotta get number check. We've got to figure out how many of them there are. Yeah so it's how how deep their squad. Yeah how how many. How many people are there? red ropes. He starts to smile evily and then. He realized that he shouldn't do that. Knee starts to get very serious. Used as is many one hundred human two hundred Co bold. That is too many forces for us to fight right now. That isn't substantial army attacking this village. It's also you know this huge overkill for a village like this. They may be had two dozen militia members at the most and they're getting attacked by three hundred combined. Cultus Kobylt aren't quite worth the whole cultist but still a lot of folks what's up with Cobo. Being like thinking about he was going to answer the question differently and then smiling and being. I don't trust them because I tell you automatically what he was hoping he was going to be cackling at you like you're all in trouble. He realized that would probably get him killed potentially so he didn't WanNA tease new bosses. Yes we should kill them for us. Reconnected Serve Colt. No more rick your friend now. Okay so we have one more question. I sure I think we're GONNA ask. What should we asked him what we should do. We do we actually ask the Kobo Guy. I don't I don't trust them enough like we just ask him so whatever he says we can do the opposite. Here's the thing the point because right. Now he doesn't trust us. We have to psychologically torture them for a long time before actually falls in line like pet. So what would you do? Yeah we should ask them. That's a good. Yeah and then. We'll do the. Hey Hey buddy we really trust you and like you already you piece of Shit. What would you do? Oh wreak wreak always do as he told so. what he's supposed to do when when high priestess give the orders she tell rick work with all other colds steal all things you can steal and then gather around the castle for the siege. Yes I I would go. We see he just talk. You were not my friends. They're gonNA end up rendezvous. Get there I mean we can fuck em up. Well Yeah Are we show up there. We talk ourselves into believing the Kobuk by the way we said we're going to do the opposite and he just convinced us to do faulk disguised. He's too tricky for my brain. Now he's going to give you one extra very important clue that he feels like you need. He says that is what I would do. If high priestess were my were my friend now you my friend. My friends Like you should probably if I were you flee to never come back. We've got to go see the stats. What data is what he wants us to do. You want us to flee should flee because through the high priestess through them Dass not alone with just cultists and co-gold saw she bring something much bigger. You Got Dragon we gotta the drag bring. The SYON RAFF is what? He's okay with like a Shitty car that no one owns. Yes then in the distanced we all fairly clearly. From behind the castle here a mighty roar go throughout the castle. Okay so this is a perfect time to stop. That is thrilling. So we're in this barn theresa. We're in the barn. We've we've killed three cobos to eat potatoes. We got one cobalt two to be our fucking inside man. We hear dragon roar. We see the castle next time. We're going to figure out what the HELL WE WANNA do. Absolutely psychologically breaking this cold. You may have done that already. It wasn't a lot of work on this league already. Like how can I help you? My Lord and Master. He's already like fully like shave. You and knock cadres. I like to rename him. Bob Costas Little Bob Costas. All right Well Tim this has been great and then we will. You obviously keep notes and and so we'll pick up in two weeks. We will just do this again right where we are clipping love. That that's fantastic. I think that's a great idea. All right thanks so much tim. We appreciate it all such a pleasure absolutely same same time two weeks. That was great. Thank you so much seeks absolutely. I'll make a new Denver next Tuesday. Love you guys song

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