Dealing with Depression as an Entrepreneur: Jasmine and Amy Porterfield Get Real
Welcome them to the Jasmine Star. Show friends this. podcast is still very new. We are just about two months old. y'All and something I. He didn't expect when I started podcasting ways how freeing it was I feel so darn free to be one hundred percent of myself one hundred percent persson the time and I really you and I are just sitting here having a conversation. It's just US having a cuppa like. Did you know that that was the thing I was actually watching the BBC and they had a show. It's like I'm just enjoying a couple like CPA cuppa and they say cup. Like a cup of tea the way that we say out here sure. So let's just pretend you and I are in an episode of a BBC show and you and I having a COUPLA. I'm using an accent to kind of get me through what I am about talk about right now because sometimes I don't really talk about stuff and one of those those things that I don't know what he's talking about is that I have suffered from depression for years and I used to be ashamed kind of embarrassed to admit this but I've come mm along way and I know it's not that kind of like dog petting book Reading Coffee Drinking. Jd Loving Life that many people see on social media and it may be hard to believe that depression can be found in one of the most seemingly happy people you know but it is. I don't get let me wrong. Bill Life is beautiful. I do love my dog. I do have a great relationship. Thank God I do live in California where it's always away sunny and I don't even own umbrella like to be honest if it rains in California I just don't go out so there's that now I also also recognize that. My life is one that I wouldn't have dared to dream of as a child. I can also recognize however that there isn't a rainbow if it doesn't rain and not everyday is filled with sunshine despite the Newport beach forecast me till you now. I'm no that this probably sounds a little bit like after school. Special like did you walk through a hallmarks card store and see like there can't be a rainbow that doesn't mean you know what I'm saying but like back at the end of the day it still Kinda true. I know for many people. The holiday season can be a really tough time. Maybe you've had a loved one that has passed and Christmas. Miss just isn't the same now or maybe there are really a lot of high expectations on you during the season or perhaps there's just a lack of sunlight in winter in that is getting you down. That is why I wanted to share with you. One of the hardest yet most necessary podcast interviews. I have ever done in this episode with my dear friend. Amy Porterfield I get real with you about depression and she gets real about her journey as well in this conversation we had on her podcast. PODCAST is called online marketing. Meaty we discuss what it means to have depression as as an entrepreneur how to find a support system if you need it and why you should not be ashamed in sharing your story and so much more in Amy's words there. There are three goals. We wished to accomplish in this episode goal number one if you're struggling with depression anxiety or anything around mental health issues. I want you to know ooh that you are not alone. We may not talk about it but we are out there and we are starting this conversation to let people know that you are not alone because for so long we both felt totally and completely alone goal. Number two is to get. The conversation started mental. Health issues can be uncomfortable to talk about but that needs to change. It is time for us to start speaking open about it and for us to start the conversations we wished we had we need to have have hard conversations. And I'm hoping you will learn some tools in this episode to be more vocal about what you're going through. As well and goal number three you can still and and you will be successful in spite of or in addition to your depression or any other mental health challenges. You are going through right now. Let's listen to the show show and I will meet you back here afterward. I know hard conversations may make you WANNA run and hide but if I did it so can you so. Are you ready. Let's do do this and so with that like I said I didn't want to do this episode alone because I wanted it to be a conversation and so I invited by good friend. Jasmine Star to come over to my house. Were sitting in my studio right now and to have a conversation about depression so jasmine thanks for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. I am happy to to be here. I know you're happy to be here but I also know you have some feelings about this episode. Feeling all the feelings or all of them. We're both a little bit nervous. We actually talked talked about it before we should have just started recording right from the beginning so right because we were talking about a lot of great things. But here's how this came about a while ago. Jasmine and I were having a conversation. Conversation around depression also anxiety and just a lot of feelings that come up and we said we should take this off line conversation version and put it online and so not too long ago I called her and I said Hey remember that conversation we had. What do you think about putting it on a podcast? So my first question to you. Jasmine is when I called you and said Let's talk about depression on my podcast. What did you think what did you feel what went through your head? Well we'll unite with no thousands of four whenever you ask me to do something it's always. Yes like when amy asks anything worse like why why why are we asking. What's this matured? And so when she's like. Hey I have a question my grand my knee jerk reaction and answer was going yes of course and all of a sudden she finished sentences and I was like. Whoa what are their? What are we talking about? And how is this GonNa look and started feeling a lot of resistance and whenever I feel resistance the thing that I always have to do is take a step back and ask myself. Why am I feeling this way? What are the stories that I'm telling pulling myself and then make a decision based on number one if it will get me closer to my purpose in number two if it will help people and regardless of how I feel about it emotionally if the answers are both affirmative in that then? I know that I have my answer regardless of how it makes me feel and then also so I had just before that conversation had read a quote by L. e. l.. I swore never to be silent. Whenever wherever humans endured suffering we must always as take sides neutrality helps the oppressor never the victim? Silence encourages the tormentor. Never the tormented and when I read that it was like a automatically knew that my silence was going to impede progress in that my silence was going to encourage people to wear a mask or talk about really difficult things in their lives and I just felt will Amien I talk about it openly. Why can't we invite other people who might be interested in the conversation to have a healthy positive positive open non stigmatized conversation about what it means to run a business to do it with other people even when the days are hard so oh good so true and so this is exactly why I wanted Jasmine on the show? I knew that she'd be really open and honest about this when thing she said well we were talking about it before I started recording as she said I have to be one hundred percent in one hundred percent honest about this topic and of course I would expect nothing less of Jasmine but I love that she made the declaration. So that's what today is about an open honest conversation so I wanted to kind of start to share with all of you that I have definitely indefinitely struggled with depression throughout most of my college years and then into starting this online business so a lot of lot of came the corporate years and then it really moved. Its way into the years that I started this business and for me. What depression has looked like? Is that there have been mornings mornings that I have not wanted to get out of bed and felt like almost like I couldn't get out of bed that the the sadness and the the black cloud that's a toy I've always explained. It has just been lingering over me and when I would tell my mom I'd say mom I feel I would confide in her a lot about this. I feel like there is as a black cloud over me but the problem that I really struggled with his. There's no reason why it should be there. I would look at my family and my home in my my I son cade in everything about our lives and think everything is so good Ivan beautiful husband and beautiful life and I am sad all the time And so I felt a lot of shame around it a lot of embarrassment around it and it really came up a lot in my first few years of starting this business business. That's where I felt it most but in start there like I said it started mostly in college. I got on meds because of it so my doctor prescribed medication for might depression and that really helped a lot but then I thought I shouldn't take medication so I got off of it. There's a stigma with it and I know Jasmine's going to talk about her story with that and I love what she talks about in terms of looking at medication and depression and so I got off and on of medication for many many years up until a few years ago. Oh and I told Jasmine that now. I don't struggle with it nearly as much of course everybody has depression here and there depending on what's happening in their life but but I don't have those moments anymore of I can't get out of bed or those moments of everything feels like despair and sadness and so I've worked on it throughout the ears but I also wanted to talk to somebody. That still has to deal with this more often than I do so I wanted. I wanted you to hear from a few different people and slow. Oh Jazzman I want. I want you to talk about your experience with depression. What I should probably start by? Just really reaffirming affirming and explaining clarifying that. Ah Everybody struggles with depression. However there is a situational depression you know? Everybody has bad days or a series of bad things that happen and there's there's clinical depression in clinical depression has to do more with the chemistry makeup of one's brain and I have to clarify. I am not a trained medical professional. I will not be giving any medical advice. All I can do is speak my truth. And if there is a kernel that resonates with you or your journey that the hope that the reason why I want to end up is that other people say I hear her identify with that and it's giving me hope in spite of maybe not having all of the answers so my guess story my journey with depression I felt like I had a really great childhood. Really Wonderful Amazing supportive parents who did their absolute best first and for a myriad of unexplainable reasons or explainable reasons. I kind of struggled my first out of depression. When I was around? Twenty five years old. I was in law school school and I think pushing it aside like my mom has brain cancer. I'm in law school. There's a lot of pressure on myself. It's okay to feel this sway and it can not pushing it off and pushing off pushing off which I think is a pattern of story in my life. I just continued to push through things instead of giving myself permission. Take a step back and really analyze going on. But I'm getting to the end getting to progress so put a little pin in that notion of taking a step back and saying what am I feeling in. Why am I feeling this way instead of just saying well? I'm going to continue pushing forward so put a pin there twenty five years old and I realized that I am So Sad I am not sleeping and wildly stressed out. I am working out like a mad woman because when my life is spinning out of control patrol though I control the things I can't control I started controlling excessively what I ate how much I exercise. How much studied and I think it manifested in like really really a deterioration of a health like my hair was falling out? I wasn't sleeping. I didn't feel like I was in like a really good head space and so I was at. Ucla law school in part of being thing is student. Is You get access to Ucla Medical Center which is pretty incredible. I meet an appointment. I walked into the doctor's office and I didn't walk in saying I had depression. I don't think I can even articulate those words just kept on saying like 'em really sad. I'm really really really sad. And when I listed all all the reasons why I was a sad which is the reasons I just listed the doctor said okay. This is indicative of something a little bit more. My suggestion would be medication in so prescribed. Prescribed medication got it filled and I have a very open relationship with my family and I talked to my dad and I kind of explained the like this is what's going on on and I think. In retrospect which is what he would probably say an admit now was that we both didn't handle the conversation the way that we should love only because maybe maybe and I don't want to put words in his mouth but maybe the conversation around depression it was a little stigmatized. Perhaps it's not something that we really spoke about specifically like in let the culture in first generation American culture coming. We're like really poor so it was this whole kind of like new navigation of what it meant in. My father and mother both express their desires that their daughter wouldn't be on medication in for me to try to do my best best coping and understanding that there were certain things that everybody goes through falling and stuff like that and we ended the conversation there in probably a few months into the medication. I realized that it wasn't having an effect that I was still really really sad and I felt like that gray cloud that any describes so apropos. Like that's the perfect description. In addition to me feeling that way I felt cloudy I felt so much more sleepy. I didn't feel like I was who I was. I felt like I was a different person. And as a result of that I stopped taking the medication but that led to like a cycle of beating myself up. Like come on like who doesn't isn't medication. Work for like who are you like really like. Are you that much of a mess that this medications are going to work for you and so again. It just led to another cycle of beating myself up up and when I look back at that situation I realise in retrospect years after it's been over a decade since kind of had that I kind of reckoning with what it meant and what it means. Is that what I did. In that moment was a pattern that I had created for myself starting distinctly. When I was thirteen eighteen years old and that pattern was to beat myself up and what I didn't know then which is what I know? Now is the way that we speak to ourselves has the possibility to amplify and or not and or diminish emotionally how we feel about something and so I think that the biggest takeaway years later giving myself the permission to talk openly about it with my friends and my family was that when we have have the ability to come out and ask for help when we have the ability to admit we don't have the answers and we have the ability to say I feel very alone. It becomes a very different conversation and I think that's why a really knew that I had to step up in a talk openly about it. Although the resistance did come there is this. I told me I was like I feel these emotions and I'm like on on the way here. I had a conversation with my husband and my business partner Jaydee and he noticed that when I left the house I just wasn't myself. I woke up this morning and I did all my. I love love patterns now patterns have become a game changer for me like do the same thing. Every morning. I pray I meditate. I take a bath basically eighty seven years old. I'm like I do I do I do. I know I send a text message was early in the morning. I mean the bath got this idea so anyway he did all the things to prepare me for what I felt. Could it'd be a lot of resistance around this conversation. And on the five freeway driving up here he said let's take a step back and that's been one of the first things before we actually get into. What how? I'm working if you this. The thing I wanted to lead with was I did not want to give anybody the opportunity to label me as. Oh She's like the depressed entrepreneur. Were and I felt like if I keep. Ed admitted that that that would become a title and I have to remember that I write my own story that even people can call me anything becoming x and why they called me depressing. We'll be happy. I get to define that story. And when encourage other people to say there could be labels. But there's no stigma around it because what we identify and how we want our labels to our. We're the ones to determine what that actually is in how we manifested out so good. It's so funny that when we are thinking about talking about the topic that is sensitive to us we come up with all these stories because when my team said why. Don't we talk about mental health. I knew do that. I don't experience depression like I used to. So then I thought well who am I to talk about it. The my audience will think that I don't know enough about it or I don't have a strong enough enough story. But then I realized especially after talking to Jasmine that everyone has their own story and it shows up in so many different ways. And here's the thing thing that also comes with that when I did have depression on a daily basis there was so much shame and embarrassment around it and so I talk to jasmine about that and I said one of the reasons why this episode makes me nervous is because I remember all that shame. I don't WanNa bring it all up again. The shame I felt of feeling depressed in. It's really hard to talk to people about it. If they've never experienced before so experienced the the depression Russian before so a lot of times many people do not talk about it or they sweep it under the rug or they keep it a secret and remember when I talked about the goals of this episode. Jasmine and I wanted it to become part of a conversation for you and whoever you need to have that conversation went we want you to start talking about it. If it's something that you struggle with because Jasmine would you agree that once you start talking about it it starts to slowly take that stigma off of it. Oh absolutely the thousand percent in one thing. I don't think I mentioned you is. I'm actually super excited that you are having a conversation because what you're saying like who am I who am I and I think to myself. Who are you? Not How amazing using that you can look back and say I no longer struggle with that. I think that that in and of itself is so hopeful so I think it's really great to offer different perspectives people who have gone through it. successfully people who are working their way through it and then just actually opening the doors having a conversation so very true so one thing I wanted to talk about about allot was like really get into is how we got here. So both of us have wildly successful businesses. You would agree right. Come on well. It's not filled size but yeah it's climbing up there. Yeah exactly and we both have amazing marriages. That's one thing that we really bond over is that we have amazing husbands. WHO support us? We're very luckily married out of early. Weird out of our Leonie any less vizier s so we have these businesses we have these great lives and we are at different places in this is where I want to show each of our own sides. I have been able to move past the depression again when I talk to jasmine about that. She pointed out because I said Wolf Totally gone it comes up when I'm struggling with stuff. She's she's like. Yeah that is what you call it situational and but I don't have clinical. That would be the other one write-off clinical depression. But Anyway my point is that I've been able to move past it and and I'm never really took the time to realize I had until I really started to dive into this topic for this episode and Jasmine. I asked astor and and when I said you jasmine do you feel that it looks different now than it did back. Then what did you say I said it does it absolutely does in what way and it looks different in that when I made when I became aware that I needed help and when I became aware that there was people Who wanted me to become who I was destined to be and the minute I gave myself the permission to ask for help and have very open conversations and that I had like this? The metamorphosis probably happened about three two and a half to three years ago. And that's to me when I started making like such cognitive decisions about all the things I had just mentioned and who I am today and so I'm a nerd I already said I'm eighty seven years old so I get journal and not like long. It's just a few sentences and is a three hundred sixty five day journal and I can go back two days in just see emotional maturity my progress aggress where I needed help the pitfalls I noticed cycles in my emotions why I was feeling a certain way that right there has been a game changer. Okay okay so I'm so glad you brought that up because I wanted to talk about how we got here and give him specific specific of our lives and what you have done and so I'll Algal I in the sense that number one and I know some of this is going to overlap jasmine but I still want her to tell her story. Number one is definitely went to therapy. And I've done a lot of different type of therapy. So although the depression hasn't been around for a few years now I'm still very aware of my anxiety and when things come up for me and so so just not too long ago. I don't know maybe a year ago I went to em Dr Training and this was amazing. And you can look it up to learn more about it. All linked linked to some details about this training but it was training. That went through our therapy. I should say therapy. I went through to deal with some childhood issues. That just ask kept coming up for me when things got hard. These issues from childhood would come up in rear their ugly heads and I think why are you here. Like I thought I got past this but I hadn't and MDR therapy literally helped me immensely. Move past some childhood issues and trauma that I had dealt with and so I recently did that but back in the day I went through a lot of therapy. I I've had numerous therapists that have helped me deal with the depression and I think to me that was as the number one thing that helped more than anything else and I'm going to give you guys some resources at the end of where you could find a really good therapist even if you're on a tight budget aged so we're gonNA share that at the end. The other thing that I did is that I made sure that I was always fuelling. My brain with resources resources and Resourceful valuable information. That would help me see things in a different light. And so of course I work for Tony. robins in yes. I had depression while I was there. It doesn't mean just because you learn from Tony Robbins doesn't mean that it's not going to be there but I will say that much of what I learned from Tony. I was able to use in start moving past. Pass the depression so a lot of what. Tony teaches helped me move through the depression. And also I listen to podcasts. I re- books. I I am always into self help and making my mind stronger in terms of what I think how I feel also just recently. You all know that I've been working with the weight loss coach. I've talked about this on my instant stories and working with my weight loss coach. We don't even talk about food and we don't get into what the Diet looks like. We talk about how my thoughts turn into feelings. My feelings turns into actions and and so with that. If I change my thoughts I changed my feelings. I changed my actions so literally. Once a week I meet with the coach where we are drilling down on. What kind of thoughts am I having? And what am I making the mean so I work on myself every single day. Even after the depression I feel has kind of taken a backseat in my life. Life so constantly fueling my mind going to therapy. And here's my last one. And that is that the relationships in my life have changed everything so Marion Hobie. I will say that. That definitely made a huge impact on the depression. Johnson's smiling I am. He'll be great he's great and he was just somebody somebody in my life that was able to not judge the depression not put a label on it not make it mean something that it didn't mean. He just sat with it with me any any. Listen when he needed to and then he offered advice when I wanted it to have that kind of support system means everything when you are feeling depressed and you can't get out of bed in the morning and so I know that some of you are surrounded by people that are not helping you with the depression that they don't know what to do or what to say but your support system mm-hmm means everything and so I've gotten people out of my life because of it and I've invited New People into my life and I know this is cheesy jasmine but you were one of those people in my life that if I called you and said that cloud is back and and here's why you would sit there for hours with me. Talk to me about that so I would sit there for hours and then I would drive. How I it's so true? Do a little rain dance. Yeah that cargo the so you need the friends who will do the rain dance with you to make the clouds go away. I mean how perfect is that it is true and so those are some of the tools that I used. I wanted to share them with you because I told Jasmine I want to talk about how we got to a better place. We're not perfect. It's not totally gone but we are both in better places than we were with depression so I wanted to talk about how we got there so I actually love that because I feel like it's just encouragement for for what I am currently working through so all of those four main points you articulated or things that I am still doing so in light of a full disclosure. I have come a very long way and I look forward to the day that I can be just like amy and say it has been a thing that I have worked through and it is a thing that my pass pass. I am not quite there yet. I do struggle with it. I have come a long long long way a first steps and this and they just want to be make sure that I'm very open and super super respectful. I have to understand that my parents are immigrants. America is different how we navigate. Conversations is different in so I don't think they ever stigmatized the idea. Hi Dear of speaking to a therapist but they meet very very upper-class in so for people who aren't from California Kelvin is very segmented and it's admitted by county and so my parents it's L. A.. Through and through lake go Thatcher's that's my dad. Okay so when I told my parents go Thatcher's Eh. Okay so what. I told my dad that I really wanted that. I was going to start. Seeing a therapist holds up his pinky finger. Orange County Your Soldi Cownie Oni. And it was a joke it or as my dad says yoke okay so it was a joke. It was a joke but I think that it was a difficult conversation relation to have like. What does it mean because my whole childhood we had a groceries donated on the porch and we rode the bus to church? And so this idea of paying somebody he to cure you talk was foreign is like literally a flying pig and so I felt like what I realized I had to make. A hard decision was that I cannot expect. Act Anybody in my life to accept the responsibility to walk me through a very difficult path. So if you feel like you don't have that person that's okay your next objective would be to take the responsibility to find people in your life now. I will say that my husband is my best friend in just foundation and he is so good and he is so kind and he listens however. I also don't think that my husband should be a therapist. That's a great the point and I've had the luxury I think that's phenomenal but I also do think that I really wanted to have like a clear distinction and I'm just like Taipei. I'm very pig headed and I'm like well. Do you have a degree. So that was the first step so hearing that you found a great therapist and it's a big difference friends and there was a really really really dark time in my life and those are on Two Thousand Fifteen where. I knew that I had nowhere to go like. I was just rock bottom and I have nobody to talk to. I am just. I'm strung out like my heart. My soul feels those broken and so the minute. I found a therapist initially. I didn't think he was all that great. But I told myself and I tell people were looking for therapists is to be fair to yourself and to be fair to them and that would give him at least three opportunities of that. Because I feel like every therapist I've ever been to. I did not love them. We'll it's like you're literally going on a blind date right right and you know therapists websites are terrible. They basically need to go through one of our trainings to be like guys. You got a brand yourself. A student that he helps therapists with websites. It's because they're so god bless him terrible they literally say nothing so you kind of go in is literally a blind date and so I didn't really like vibe with all that much in the first time but he said Hey. My Rule of three three the second time he came around the third time was when he's just started kind of just like itemizing asking questions after the note that he takes. I'm seeing a pattern in the story that you're telling the wait you're talking and I was like okay. Let's go for meeting number four and then I had stayed with him for about three years in throughout that time when I was in a really really bad place that I felt that as a business expense I needed to get help. I couldn't keep running at that pace and so I met with him once a week. Doc for about six months and then from there started meeting every other week every three weeks once a month and that was the first step and then I just started taking the time in in my life and my business to start doing research like I needed to understand so I once heard this analogy when you break a bone you get an x ray and they find out. What's wrong with your bone than if you have a tumor? They ah or scan and banned it but if you go into your doctor and you say I'm sad like something's wrong with in my head. What what is done with that and I started doing research and I came across Dr here actually you Dr Ayman and he wrote a book and I think it's like a change your brain change your life of love? I love him. Oh I thought it was Ayman well. Here's the thing if you're religious it's because to me he's like Amen. Yes this man and then other people who are like agnostic. uh-huh Ahmed I'm just getting. I actually don't know the exact right right just like so really his book with like his book was Scientific Ryan's if proof. After years and years and years studying the brain is like the thoughts we have impact our break. They literally have a physical manifestation. If you think negative thoughts your your brain reacts to the negative thoughts and gives out physical manifestations of your thoughts it is no longer speculative it is just the truth and and so he had said that every morning he starts the date and he says today's going to be a great day and our brains are hard-wired to listen so it may create a distinction Asian the mind in the brain or two different things. This is you lost me. What do you mean so the mind is in control? Yeah and the brain is an Oregon. Okay so when you understand your mind you can control your organs so when you say your minds as I'm going to have a great day your brain then says yes. Yes Sir right away captain. We're GONNA make that happen. It's hardwired to listen. So if we have control of our mind and this is not like a feel good. Everything's going to be happy. Happy Hunky Dory. No this is literally the very first step that you can do also heard that when I'm Stein will go up. He would say thank you a hundred times before we got tab not as so good that actually makes emotional because Agu in all you do in every morning I put my hand on my heart and he thank you thank you okay. It's just because when you wake up and you think you just see the gratitude and Gosh Dang it. There are some really hard days but when you say I have a roof over my head I have have something in my refrigerator. have gas my car. We are literally the one percent when we say those three things. We're the one percent of the world and I think even even on the dark days you realize that we are just so so so lucky to be where we are and if we could find a glimmer of that silver lining already taking a step forward so real quick. Am I just making this lake. The is just happy hour. Jasmine Lake basically is like. We're getting drunk on sparkling water. y'All forgot to tell you she's also in a leading to. Oh my God are we going there. Are we going. Oh did not come at me. I'm Puerto Rican will throw you under a big yellow bus in two point five seconds black. Bless you might actually be California. Get over it out. I'm GONNA do right now. Don't judge me only only picturing like US standing at my house in a bikini and that's actually not I haven't been making us and tell us okay so we knew that right. Oh girl I hailed from the school of pieces. Don't don't get don't get it twisted but sir she comes in jeans with a bathing suit and a little cover up but she's going to pull party. Of course she is. She's fancy like that fancies relate really. It's actually a beach party for a twelve year old at Bolsa Chica. Fancy is not that I will girl get right. Come at me and I will come at you with a twelve year. Old Often. The J. cracking up but this is this is happy hour which is so appropriate when we're talking about depression yes I do love this but I love all these tools. I they wanted this to be a conversation about like what did we do we. I love to follow people. That are just a little bit or a lot ahead of me. Like they've kind of figured something Athena and there's a lot of stuff we have not figured out but with this. I feel like we've worked really hard on making ourselves better and healing healing ourselves around the depression so I thought we have to talk about what we've done ads. So you talked about the therapy but there's other stuff like when we were chatting in my office you talked about the mastermind wherein that's done absolutely in. I think that people listening could say well. I don't have support a family or I don't have a supported spouse right. Don't have sport of children and that could be true and let's back up one tiny second Dr Ayman since we're serving religious. Dr Ayman has a series of questions if I have applied them and I think it has had the most profound change in my perspective this in addition to other things but if anybody's listening and be like I'm tired of hearing these girls talk. I I want to make practical. Let's get into the practicality before we actually talked about the decisions we made as a result the practicality right so when you are having a negative or overwhelming thought the first things I write it down. There is something about writing the additive stopping and writing down. It's as if it's like an exorcism it comes out of you and then you see it forces you to look at it and Dr Very specific about that so you write it down okay so you write it down and then you ask yourself. So let's use you as an example Campobasso. If you would write something on your get what would be one thing that you're struggling with okay. So they're being one hundred hundred one hundred so I would say that that. There's a lot during to think of wine if I wanted to personal or business if I did business I'd say I can't get it all done fast enough off and if I don't I'm GonNa be Irrelevant K.. That's what you read in your paper. Okay in the second question is is this true. Aw Aw love. Acquisition and instantly. I know it is not true now. There could be people listening while it could be. Because there's sometimes I have deep thought dark mark thoughts that they'll very true such as my body will not release this weight so we got personal. We talked about my weight loss. There's as I get on the scale and it has. It moved for days and days Zor a week and I think my body wants to be fat like it will it will. I cannot lose weight and that fills true some days for me. Okay if we're looking at both the situation guy. I don't move fast enough. I'm going to be irrelevant. Yeah I am destined to remain this way. Yes and if we were to ask ourselves. Is this true and in even if you responded committee in the third question to ask yourself is am I a hundred percent certain of my response. Oh my gosh so right away it away right right away. Yeah it's no because we are not fortunetellers. We don't know with certainty if we are destined to be relevant over destined to be overweight. We don't know that right and then once we answer that then we know. How does it make me feel? How does let's just focus on business right okay? How does being irrelevant feel to you? It makes me feel small. It makes me feel scared. It makes me feel like I'm not enough. I'm less than or I'm good enough. And and once you and this is all written and once you see that. Do you think that those feelings will keep you from the purpose you have been sent here on the world. Yes and Yes yes last question. What would feeling the opposite of this? Like what if you were to look at that day. I'm going to be irrelevant. I'm not moving fast enough. We feel the negative emotions. What if you were to say I am moving at the right pace? I will always be relevant for a group of people. It would make me feel grounded in secure her and confident and excited or on the projects. I'm working on a these questions are good. We will certainly be listened them in the show notes. Stand okay so now. This is something I learned from. Our mastermind organizer Mentor Unicorn. James we are not our thoughts. He reminds me of that all the time. That the things things that we think are not us. They're just our thoughts so if we were to look at a piece of paper based on this like walking through from Dr Ayman we can choose to feel a relevant and lost and like things are passing. Are we choose to feel grounded and hopeful insecure. The choice is hours it takes just as much energy to feel fearful as it does decide I choose faith in setting Zion. This okay this is exactly you what I work on every single week with my weight loss coach and I think this is what has moved me so I love that. We're both are on the same. I didn't even know that you were diving into questions like that but I just realized this is exactly why I've been feeling so good lately is because I examined that like every day every day and what happens is people that I don't have time like I'm I'm in the car pool line. I'm at the grocery store. I have two jobs. I have a side hustle. When might you just walk diarrhea and like writing my issues down like a luxury? Listen booboo you do not take care curve yourself. There are a line of people who need you. So if you're in that car pool line you need to pull on over and you say baby. You'RE GONNA wait thirty seconds just got do this real quick. If you're at the grocery along you bring your phone you write it all down and then you ask yourself in this moment. I choose to feel what that has been the most profound difference in how I look at everything now. Do I think that I have the capacity to move through depression as a result of this process. No do I believe with all all of my heart that I have the capacity to change an expedite the process as a result of this hell. Yes Hell yes is right. I want to point now. You just reminded me of this when we were talking about it earlier. You brought up. Brunei Brown's Gold Plated Grit Grit JAP now with first of all with goldplated grit. If I came up for me when I called you to tell you I wanted to do an episode about my weight but I was scared to do cells and I thought that was a little bit mean to you. You were like you're doing it and you're telling the story about how you a lot of cupcake's that we're your size for his birthday. That was probably the hardest part of that push. Kevin Love. You do push me in love so with that though. I told Jasmine I said I don't WanNa do this episode about my weight and for those of you who haven't heard it. It was a while ago. I can and linked to it in the show notes. But I didn't WanNa do it because at the time I hadn't started losing weight I wasn't on a weight. Loss journey didn't have any tools to help me at the time so I had nothing to give in that moment except the truth that I don't like doing video because I am overweight. And that is embarrassing to me. That's all I had had to give in that episode. And you said that's enough and you brought up this gold plated grit so first of all we you tell people what that means. Because I don't do a good job explaining it but second. It came up when I asked you to talk about some of this. So Bernie Brown. She is like basically our best friend she never know a and you love her. Here's the thing I wonder. Why are your house not mine? Your House is way more show ready. Let's be like I was like Brennan. Welcome to my my house. Come into my closet. Her love her voice. She's an amazing and she's from Texas. Yes without. She's like y'all and she could say just so like Zola's a lot about words and I love that but coming from her. They're they're almost like sacrosanct regularly. Oh look how sweet bless her heart. Okay so she talks about gold plated grit and gold plated. Great is our ability to talk about things after. We've already accomplished them so how easy it is for us just to diminish how hard is situated was when we can just say l.. Guys I went on this journey I lost one hundred pounds and and this is how I did it. What we do by keeping our story to ourselves is inadvertently protecting ourselves protecting our ego? We do not want to be vulnerable because the minute you say. I'm on a weight loss journey all of a sudden. You give people immigration to watch you when you're out dinner right when you decide to have Glass of wine in so gold plated. Grit is talking about something. In retrospect in the thing that encouraged amy to do which would come back to haunt want me to today I was GONNA show up. You don't have to have the solution you just have to. I admit it and so when you invited me to come to the show I was just like oh no I'm not passed it. I cannot talk about it and I thought to myself. Oh Good God. Woman gives the advice you need to listen to and so this is me talking through it and now it's on tape and I. I hope that if not next year in eighteen even if it takes me ten years that I can look at this can say this was the first time it was very public and open about what the journey looks like from the inside. I truly truly hope so and I love that you shared it even though you might be still going through it in different ways. And I'm so very glad jasmine that you have come on the show and talked to all the bus about it because this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted a conversation around it and I think that's exactly what we got now. I also want to wrap things up with some resources in some tools to help anybody listening right now to find the support that they need but also jasmine. You have something really cool that you actually wrote about about this on instagram. I did did and I was kind of debating whether or not I would bring it up but I think you know we can always edit. It doesn't work okay. Okay so I think that I WANNA make sure standards at testament that when you ask for help you actually get it and when you talk to people actually arrive in ways you don't expect so so this was opposed to that. I wrote on June ninth and this was shortly after the passing of Kate spade and simply Dane and I just knew that I was in a funk and I knew that I felt like if I was feeling this way probably other phillies way and unbeknownst to me that when I open myself up people not only to support and help. They started reaching out and connecting with others. But but it also been the opportunity for any to invite me onto this show so whenever you feel like you are not enough you are and whenever you feel like you need help you can always ask for it so do nine day. He called me when he heard. CATES passing my dad. said he was just checking again but we both understood. It was more when the news of Anthony Bourdain passing broke. Jd spoke soothingly into the phone as he drove home. cooed until I stopped crying it two different times. The most powerful men in my life reached out to ensure that was okay that it wasn't bearing myself into a dark corner depression. Something I've battled for years. I used to be ashamed. Embarrassed to admit with this. Perhaps there's a part of me still. It's but the same way my loved ones reached out. I WanNa make sure that I do the same reading this. You're not alone him standing with you walk Lobley needs and all the cloud slowly lift when a meet with therapist. When I pray when asked for help I encourage you to join me today? Jd Nights spent the afternoon La. Hey Gordon museums shopping street vendors in sweating our way through Tikka Masala Self Care Self love self acceptance of things. I'm working on in. I invite you on stearn with me. If you're reading this reach out to those who might be hurting if you're hurting and here you perhaps we can pull together ensure we take care of each other so my question is are you in. You can kill me right now. That is beautiful. And that's exactly exactly who you are like you make people feel like they are not alone alone in this because he joined him in the journey. So thank you for sharing that. You're going to mess up the end of my podcast so with that. And I'm so glad jasmine read that because that's exactly kind of like with this episode is all about and we want to remind you that there are tools and there are resources out there and you. My sweet league friend are not alone and so with that we've talked about starting the conversation with somebody and and not having that shame and embarrassment. Stop Stop you from from talking about it because that is hugely therapeutic and so with that also getting a support system and if you you can have people around you that will build you up and just listen and cry with you and give you what you need in those moments. That is incredibly important and I love that jazz has been said. Maybe you don't have that and if you don't have that then I want to encourage you to look for a therapist. Get the counseling that you need. I think that was probably the biggest thing that ran through. Both of our stories was the support in the therapy and also medication. Were not advocating it. We're not judging it or I'm not saying it's right or wrong and we're definitely not giving advice around it but it is something you might want to explore. It helped me. It didn't help jasmine as much. So this is just an individual thing and I think that you should explore that as well now also with that. I wanted to let you know that we did a little research. And we found this e counseling sling website called better help dot com. It's a convenient private affordable online counseling site and they have over two thousand therapist typist. You do not need insurance or anything to get started so better help dot com. I'll put it in the show notes and to take a little bit more of a serious note so if you do feel you are in a crisis and you need help immediately remember that you can call the national suicide prevention lifeline. It's it's one eight hundred two seven three talk or better yet. You can even text them. You can text talk to seven four one nine seven four one so you. My friend are not alone and Jasmine. I love that we did this together so we have to do it alone. I thank you so very much watch for. I love you dearly and thank you so much for coming on the show keeping Manno man. That conversation was one of the most raw conversations I ever had with a friend and let alone have that conversation recorded but amy and I opened up because we are so passionate about making sure. Sure that if you are suffering with depression this holiday season or any time of the year you are not alone. You are stronger than you think and there is nothing that can stop you from chasing your dreams please. The the one thing you take picked up from us if you would like to have the conversation with me and amy about this episode you can reach out to us at Jasmine Star and at any porterfield on instagram. We would love to connect with you and hear how you may have related to this episode and also maybe it helped on your journey. If you feel like somebody else could find this just as valuable please feel free to share it and tags so that we can support and join that conversation until next time friend. I will catch you on instagram. And please remember if you're listening to this. You're not alone. I'm standing with you wobbly. We knees shaky voice and all that good stuff.