5/21/19: Oh, HEY!
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I know they're totally hidden. And head on over to WWW dot coached love dot com. We got all kinds of things to say and that is where we say them. Ultramarathons might seem like they're about running a whole lot of miles. What they're really about is being outside in the middle of the night in grappling with all your inner demons. It's awesome. Hi. This is coach Sarah and this is the morning Mandra. Hi. My name is MK flinty. I'm brand coach based in Denver, Colorado. But this isn't a podcast about running. Exactly don't tell clients, but never really talking about running when, you know, crap testing event is coming it helps heaven mantra to keep you centered and focus as she moves through. You don't have to be an athlete to be hashtag coached, and loved by coach K. And if you are here, then you are hashtag winning at life. Today's major is oh hi. Oh, hey. If you spend any time around social media this weekend, particularly my social media coach K, social media, social media, fitness protection. You've probably been getting a lot of updates on a little event in New Jersey called three days at the fair. We had tenacious gritty group of women running a one mile paved loop over the course of twenty four hours and despite the hot sun beating down on them all day long. They accomplished incredible things. I'm so so proud of all of you. I had planned on going along in order to spectate cheer support give love, and then the logical extension of that was that, well, I should register for the race myself the nine PM to nine AM race from Saturday night into Sunday morning, so that I could run on the loop with the ultra runners in their late stage miles when the going got tough, I would not be there to run an ultra marathon, I would be there, quote unquote for fun, made good enough sense. But as the. Event got closer. I rebellion to remember that. I never run races for fun. And there's a reason for that. I can tell myself all day and night in this case all day and night for sure that I don't care about my results that I'm just here for the atmosphere for the triumph of the finish line for the company. But the truth is, it is never that simple for me if I show up to a ten K and run a time slower than what I'm capable of ago rushing back to being high school kid couldn't run a single lap around the soccer field for the pre practice warm up to my total embarrassment everything since high school has felt like a referendum on my fitness. I am always on some level out to prove to everyone who sort of rolled their eyes inside and my general direction back in the day. My soccer coach Mike crew coach my teammates, my parents, that they were wrong about me. So here I was registered for an event where I was planning on running, maybe thirteen miles. Before calling it a night in the company of women who were running fifty K, fifty miles one hundred K, and even more. This is not about you. I told myself and yet as I crossed the start line under a full moon and begin my watch that first loop around the fairgrounds, had me thinking, hey, why don't you you'll low of fifty K? You really want to be the only runner in this group of women who doesn't run an ultra here at this event, you can pretend it's because you're here for them and not for you. But everyone knows it's because your the least bit of all of them coach Sarah, who Ouch, right? Yeah. That was on the first loop the night is dark. And full of terrors. I knew what I knew though, I knew that the voice in my head was actually wrong. This was not about my fitness, and it, never was, in fact, if I had arrived at this event and started running at nine pm when my friends had been running all day in the sun, and then made it about somehow competing with them, that would have been fucked up. They had been training for months to achieve this goal months, and months and months. I'm fit. I've been training pretty consistently myself for a long time, but I was not prepared specifically to run for hours and hours and hours like they were this event was never about me. I was going to have to look at the scoreboard at my piddly looking lap total next to the inspiring numbers coming out of everyone else there and associate those numbers from my own fitness and self worth completely. I suppose the good thing about me now compared to twenty years ago is that I know myself pretty well. I knew that part of me would feel lame compared to the bad ass ultra marathoners out on the course I knew that I would feel tempted to do something stupid in the name of all show them. I knew those feelings. And I knew there was no avoiding them entirely. Instead, I greeted them. Oh, hey, you again, over the course of a one mile loop that you run over and over again in the middle of the night. It's not like these feelings appear once and say, well, I guess we're done here. They appear. They fade. They appear they fade each time. I acknowledged their arrival. Oh, hey. Until you this story because I know you know, this feeling I know that this is why, quote unquote racing for fun is actually a really complicated thing for some people, people like me because they see the numbers and the numbers are triggering the mind Russia's into give those numbers of, meaning that isn't actually real or helpful and often with distance running. We do it in the name of all show. You coach impaling say that no one over the age of twenty takes up running, because they're happy, a lot of us, whether we unpacked it or not a running in part to prove something about ourselves, not all proving his bad quite the contrary. But proving yourself slides easily into territory that is destructive and abusive it hurts to be dismissed, and that hurt arises for me, every time I enter in event, but the people who dismissed me, they're not watching and holding myself to an impossible standard on a day, that isn't about me and isn't going to show them. It isn't going. Prove them wrong. And yet the urge to prove myself to them does not go away. I don't know that it ever will to quote Myrna bolero ultra runner, extraordinary. I am a beautiful work in progress. And this is my struggle. Don't deny the struggle, don't abuse yourself further with blame for grappling with these feelings. You shouldn't feel this way that's stupid. That's the wrong response. And it's not how I responded to myself on Saturday night at three days at the fair as Iraq up miles in the single digits agree to the struggle. Oh, hey, old friend. I've known you for longer than I've known most people. I talked about it with the women. I was running with. And while they were quick to assure me that they did not think I was lamed for, you know, not making it incredibly stupid decision. They heard and understood how I was feeling all the way down to the last lap. I finished just minutes before the end of the event, the struggle resurfaced again and again only twenty one laps. How's that gonna look on Strada? Oh, hey. It's you again you could go now. He coats. Loved, and you are winning. And you are definitely winning at life. If you subscribe, my Muslim newsletter. Follow me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram feel free to do. All three. Kristen and chill is a comedy podcast that gets real about depression, their daily struggles, often a Reverend and light-hearted conversations range, from minor social anxiety to mental health and everything that happens in between Christian and chill. Also covers topics such as having friends with depression, weight gain suicide prevention, adult bullying, and more. So if you're looking for a more light hearted take on these things, go, check out the show. Search Spotify, and wherever else you listen to podcasts to hear more than eighty and during episodes of Kristen and show. You can also join the conversation find Christian on Twitter at Kristen Carney. Don't forget, if you need a mantra. You can always ask for one at info at coached in love dot com. Again, that's Email info I n f o at coached and loved dot com.