Dont You Remember?
Senior Life Journeys Presents Carol Howls. Let's talk dementia. A podcast designed to help caregivers find knowledge power hope and smiles in their dementia caregiving journey. Welcome to let's talk dementia. Here's your host bestselling author Carol. Welcome to let's talk dementia. I'm Carol how will your host and today we're GonNa talk about talking something. We've done our whole life. Most of us a few exceptions. Obviously but we always communicate. We HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH FOLKS. We tell them what we think they tell us. They think we either agree or disagree. And we have these conversations about life. Well conversations and communication become a problem with folks with dementia. This one I want to talk with you about today. Communicating with our loved ones is important. Everyone communicates in some way. Even when our folks become non verbal? They can no longer put sentences together are maybe even forget senses they may not can even get two or three words together But they still communicate and they will do that by their actions by their facial expressions. What they are doing with their body on you pay attention you can learn a lot about people you know this when someone comes home from work and they've had a bad day and they just got the look on their face you just know. They've had a bad day. They didn't have to come in and go. I've had a bad day. You can just tell by looking at them. Or if they're in pain you can tell that by looking at your loved ones so being aware of the bodily Of your of your bodily actions the movements of the body the movements of the face how the body is responding to that life situation can help you have an inkling of what might be going on your loved ones world. Well a great technique to employ also is to Pete back the question to your loved one. So for instance Mrs Smith might say. Are we going to have lunch now? She might have just walked out of the dining room when she said that. Are we going to have lunch so you want to say? Are you asking me with? We're going to have lunch. Are you hungry? You want to repeat that back to her now what you want. What you want to say is Miss Smith. We just had lunch. Don't you remember and let me warn you? The words don't you remember will come off of your lips when you're talking with someone who has dementia and you know they don't remember. But you have used that phrase over and over and over again or you'll remember when and you go into some story and then you're sitting there. Think they do not remember. Why did I do that? So my response to you is just let that go. Don't beat yourself up. Try not to say it but believe me. You're going to say this but instead a sign you should remember that we just a Mrs Smith. Good gracious no you say back to her. Whatever it is she said in the form of a question. So are you hungry? Are you telling me you would like something to eat to which she might say? Well no but I would like to take a nap. So now we've We've got a little deeper into what it is. She's wanting she's wanting to get your attention to get something she needs but maybe she tells you she does want to eat and maybe she just finished eating will. That's when you find a cracker or some popcorn or some kind of appropriate snack that she can have a little bit of taste of an is probably gonNA satisfy her. But you don't ever want to go. Oh Good Gracious. We just ate. Forget it and walk off and not acknowledge her question. Is there ever a time in your life when you feel okay about asking a question and being ignored you do not you want somebody to acknowledge that you are on this planet that you have a thought that you have a question? Somebody needs to acknowledge that in some way. They may not respond. How you want but you need. You Won't be knowledge your folks with dementia are still the same way. So you might say are you asking will eat again and you put your arm around her and you maybe walk her to her living room or into her apartment or to her bedroom wherever she's living in begin to have a conversation with her at this point we might want to start redirecting Mrs Smith. You Might WanNa say something like you know mismatch last night at my dinner at my house we had an start talking about dinner at Your House last night and how your husband just loves the Fried Chicken you fix in now. You've you've taken her away from her being hungry. We're going to start talking about some other topic that redirection. That works good too if they come up to want to do something on that. You can't do right then and I can tell you. My mom was very particular about her fingernails. She always wanted him look good and she would tap them when they started to get chip. Turn her nails and she felt like she needed manicure. Even wish couldn't get awards out that meant get my nails done right so someone might might say. Can we go get a manicure? Are we going to get a manicure? When am I going to get my haircut in those are very viable important? Things in you can respond with. I'm GonNa get it done but I'm busy. Take break chill out. I can only do so much or you can say. Gosh. That's a great idea. Way should get our nails done. Why do you think about if I make an appointment and we go tomorrow because I don't think we can get in there today? We can go tomorrow. Is that okay with you? And they're gonNA be acknowledged they understand that you understand what they want. They feel completed in that thought. And they're like okay. Tomorrow will be good now. Tomorrow's GONNA come in. You may not have that appointment. You might not can get the appointment you might not can take them a whole host of reasons. Why TOMORROW THAT APPOINTMENT WON'T HAPPEN? But one of the beauties of dementias. They're probably not gonNA remember that their ability to understand space and time where they are and in what time of the day of the week of the month of the year of their world. That they are in is all off kilter so tomorrow will come and they most likely are not going to go. You Know Carol told me yesterday. We're going to go for manicure. I better get ready for that. Probably not gonNA remember that. So that does work to your benefit so use that. But you don't WanNa say anything negative to them. I'm real good about saying to people when they are telling me life situations with their loved one. What's going on? They had this particular conversation many times. That conversation is with a sibling. Yes with siblings. Who are SORTA maybe a little bit involved in the care giving but not big Tom? Involved in the care giving and we have this conflict going on siblings in dementia. Care giving I get more phone calls about that. Oh my goodness that's probably my talk in my top two or three subjects that we have is siblings that In the issues going on there but what I will say those votes is. How did you leave that conversation? How did that conversation end what I have learned and I just got to tell you I think this but I know this? Don't practice it well but I know it in my head is that we need to leave conversations on a positive note if we leave a conversation in our world on a negative note that negative thoughts. GonNa stick in your brain. Let me give you an example Go through on Amazon and read the reviews people write about my books and often wish that there's this one I could take down because it's not a Nice Review. I'm like how can you read my book and I think it's wonderful wonderful in. There's a bunch of reviews about my book and they're all good except for this one woman who wrote something that I didn't think was nice. And that's what sticks in my head. It doesn't stick in my head all those nice things. Everybody else said. Just that one woman who wrote something. Well that's live. We have a way of dealing on the negative. You know there's a saying that one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch will it? Sorta Kinda does because if we reach him that basket of apples and we pull out the one. That's bad we probably are not going to risk reaching in and getting one of the other two hundred fifty. Six that are in that basket. That are good way like no not doing that. All I got was a bad apple. And that's what they sell it. That stores bad apples will know there was just one bad apple. You Happen to get it so we want to leave our loved ones on positive notes. When we are communicating with them we want to say things up lifting and joyful and happy or silly independent on. If you've got my mom or not saying something inappropriate. Just make her giggle. And don't you think that's what's good will I do and I don't have one problem of saying something. Little bit inappropriate. If it made my Momma giggle because Momma dealt with paint she dealt with anxiety she was depression and if I could relieve any of. That are making her giggle where you can bet. That was top of my agenda for the day. That and getting hard els done 'cause she wanted them done. So what you want to do to and this is my one final tip for you is. Don't use diversion therapy to keep from doing something you should do. So if they say I need to go to the bathroom. We don't WANNA use diversion therapy. Because we don't want to have to fool with that that's going to bite your but later because then you've got all that cleaning up to do and if they say. I'm hungry. Don't say well we're going to eat at six o'clock in only four o'clock now. Don't do that. Just go ahead and give them a snack. It's much easier to solve a situation in the moment than to keep putting it off if you can some things we can't do. It's not like we can just stop our day and go get a manicure ride or go get the hair donor or whatever the situation might be. There's a million and one reasons you would use diversion they are. There are still times when we need to act right the end and help our loved ones. Whatever it is going on tomorrow. We're going to talk about what to do when your loved. One says things like your fat ugly. The happens to hope. You have a great Dane. I'll see you tomorrow. Blessings and smiles. Let's talk dementia would like to thank our sponsors National Association of Veterans and Families? You can reach them at eight hundred three five to to nine one nine on the Internet at www dot in dot org. They speak veterans. So you don't have to and you tell them Carol. Saint you when you call to inquire about benefits for the veteran spouse of the bedroom or both editor bad. You can find Miss Beth. Crosby at editor Beth Dot Com. She is amazing. Looking at what you've written in making sure it represents you will find her at. Www dot editor Beth dot com and HD imports located on Flint Street extension in Rock Hill South Carolina. That's your county halo. Three nine eight five zero nine eight five. They are there for the hunt the repair and maintenance of your Honda Hyundai Toyota Kia. Tell Them Carol CINCI. Thanks for joining US. Today for peril. Howls let's talk dementia to learn more about dementia we recommend Carols bestselling book also titled. Let's talk dementia. It's available on Amazon. In paperback and kindle versions be sure to like let's talk dementia on facebook and leave us a kind word of review on itunes remember knowledge brings power power brings hope hope bring smiles and we all need more smiles. Thanks for joining us today. And we'll be right here when you come back to. Let's talk dementia.