In Case You Missed It: Kailey Dickerson (Wife of Russell Dickerson)


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Stocking stuffers see old navy dot com for details In no one is founded. I'm so to bring back one of my favorite episodes this one is with kayleigh dickerson. Recorded it with her right. When yours was taking off has been russell's huge hit yours was blowing up and kaley is the producer and the director of his music video. She talks about that. She talks about how they kept the face when the seasons were hard and life and russell hadn't had success yet and she hadn't had success yet. How god is such a center port point of their life the secrets to marriage. They hadn't had their baby remediate. So this is a really fun one to listen back and see how far they've come. How much their life has evolved and changed and the most amazing ways but also what amazing people they are and how amazing kaley her spirit is just so shining is the word. she's just this really bright light and they find joy in the journey and it's such a joy it's session enjoy website listened to so here is kelly dickerson from a few years ago. Okay i'm here at keighley dickerson's how hello wife of russell dickerson. Hey who's very hilarious dynamic. Country singer yes. He is oh here. She didn't know he was going to be here. You know you got an elevator in your house. Love you any vie know. Yeah we're where do you like to ride that elevator down to the laundry. John wine cellar library that very necessary for sure. Yeah so sounds like you guys have no fun in your marriage at all. Yes zero but no laughs. No no lapse. What does a typical day like here at the dickerson house. It is it's an adventure. He is truly like wakes up thinking. It's the best day every single day. And where does that mentality come from. I have no idea like eight is he is unicorns rainbows like this morning. He goes like i thing. I woke up to today. Was it snowing. Like he's like buddy l. I'm like reminds me of l. Like he's never seen snow in his life like it's so cute. It's a few so that has to you have the same infectious personality. Also though like you're always glass half full optimistic yeah. I'm happy kid. I mean so seriously. They are like sitting on a rainbow to not skittles. That is pictured. The little kid on lake dreamworks like going fishing from the moon. I'm like it feels like that. So okay i since you guys have such an optimistic personality how do you guys deal with this music industry. Because not every day isn't optimistic day. So how do you navigate this wild industry and you have something. Y'all have something really special because you are always by russell side. Yeah y'all are true partnership in you're on the road with him constantly which a lot of women would have a hard time doing. yeah. I love it okay. So you're made for it. I love it. Yeah i have five older brothers so only girl only girl and we traveled so hard core for soccer for them that i lived in a van with a bunch of boys. This is normal for now. I just live in a bigger van with a bunch of ways. I actually live love. I really do love it. Yeah it's yeah. It's not an industry that's always rainbows and unicorns. But i feel like we've known for so long and had to fight for. We knew he was supposed to do that. Even the things that we were like praying for so hard. We want this. We want that. And i mean even. When they didn't happen it was like okay. They're not supposed to happen. So it's just the land is like everything works together for the good always. You know so. We actually laughed about that the other day like he really wanted to think called on the verge for radio and we wrote praying for for years. You know we're like oh we'll get that you know verges where all the radio stations. Decide to play your songs like. You're single so we were like definitely definitely and you have to be like an first artist first thing and he didn't get it and we were so bombed in honestly looking back. I'm really were thankful like now. We're like oh. I'm actually kinda glad that we built those relationships. The hard way and like did it the way and now the second time around it was it was better and i don't know we just. We thought it just wasn't our story. And for some people it like skyrockets them into the stratosphere and it's great it's everyone stories so different but we're grateful for how our has you know is turning up. God is a big part of elle's journey. You always talk about god. I know that this is this is the centerpiece of y'alls live career marriage. Where does that come from. We both grew up in the church. Okay so his. Dad is a worship pastor in national at would not baptist where we got married really greenhouse some preachers kids. Turn the other way. And i go crazy. We both had our. We definitely had our i. Don't i know i had. I don't think i believe in god anymore. I had that phase in high school. Yeah and he never did. He is just like the most faith like they say like faith is a gift. He has the gift of faith. Just blind total faith. I always going to think of him like now for. Yeah oh yeah he really is. He really is just not in the jumpsuit. But he's like world's best coffee. Congratulations yeah. I grew up pasture sister so because my brother is basically enough to be my dad. Okay 'cause yeah that's what you said. Your oldest brother is twenty years twenty years older. So he was my pastor he like was really foundational in my beliefs and my parents are christians but he was more hands on went to seminary learning all these things with him that i thought were so interesting and then had a moment where like i don't think this is real and then i was like. Oh no this is definitely real. Okay so what was that moment. Why did you not think it was real. And then what made me back. I went to belmont so in my high school in wisconsin. There were like there were cushions but it was no one was like. I'm going to make sacrifices for this. And i kind of was. I didn't go to all the parties and didn't do things that i thought like a good christian should do you know and i moved to nashville and i was like there are to be other christians. I'm not going to be alone. And i got here and that didn't happen and i was like. Oh i think this is something my family does. Okay and i was like maybe this isn't real okay and then i kind of didn't do anything wild and crazy to figure it out but all of a sudden i felt different one day i remember and i was like if i feel different than it means. There's something to feel. So god israel that was it and then that was it it was just that's and then on. Yeah sure yeah like. It felt like the joy in life was gone. Okay an hour. Like if i if if there's something to feel like that than god's real i don't know it's just that simple. Yeah and we found each other way after that like i had come full circle. I was like doing missions photography and he was leading worship at a bunch of churches and you are not interested in dating -sition like that was not on the agenda. No definitely not always found them. Like i would say that if i look at my track record it was obviously they were all musicians like what is wrong with me. I was drawn to it. I guess i don't know. That's so i've done some stocking on you. Obviously you but so you had like maybe not the best relationship before russell. Oh yeah you got a little burned and you weren't necessarily open especially to the musicians to relationship. How did you you talked about. Trust a lot. like russell told you did have some. But you're like okay you're human and then finally like you heard that god. Where did that all come from. And you're so good. Hearing science from god like hearing hearing speak to you he comes to you and dreams he comes you and signs i want to talk to you about that chronic this. How did that come where you knew you had a trust in like. This is a leap. You're gonna take i. I would always pray that if it wasn't gods best. Whoever i was dating after that guy after i got burned I was like if this isn't your best for god. Just take him okay. And every single time. He did like within like two weeks. That's what i love about. Your faith is like you ask and it gets answered. Well he's that though in my obviously in my experience but you trust so will you trust so fully that the answer is coming well it came from a hard decisions like breaking up with that guy are honestly was like god if if he's not going to be faithful like i always had a fear of that and with him specifically If that's going to be the trajectory of my life and i'm gonna have kids and this is going to happen. I needed to happen now. Yes get out and no joke. In the two years we had dated he had never cheated on me and after i prayed that he cheated six times. Wow and i was like okay so it took a hard thing. I broke up with the guy. I thought i was gonna marry. And it's not like rainbows. Hearing got speak is that sucked allot but then when it came to rebuilding my heart entrusting trusting someone again hours like all right. We'll god save me the last time he'll do it again and it's actually really cool story. I got to call him probably years later. I was in church. And i was like god. What's between us like. Is there anything. Like i'm holding onto like just talk to me. Basically talk to god like how do you remind. How does he answer you. How do you know when he's giving you an answer. You just know it's almost like someone it's like you think of something you didn't think of so all of a sudden i thought oh. Come across my mind that. I know i did generate okay in. There's faith in that too. Because i'm done you're like no i'm just thinking that right and then you just trust it and what happens. And if it's not him it'll show itself but in this case it was and he was like you don't believe i won't let you down okay and i was like whoa and all knowing response. It's like some people everyone's different everyone. Here's got different feelings. Our dreams or in this case. He doesn't always speak like that to me. But when i ask usually says something okay. And so. I immediately thought of my ex and i was like. Oh my gosh i. I prayed for this and all this time. I've thought that you hurt me and let me date someone who had hurt me when really he immediately was like. I saved you And i was like whoa. You didn't let me down. You saved me. And so immediately remembered. I had prayed for it and i thought of how he must still be feeling because he would come to town for the next year and try and get me back and you're like on your way not happening. Once you made up your mind you're done house on. Yeah also and what you've anna he cheated on us six times and i honestly was willing to forgive him and then i remembered what i prayed and i was like. Oh my bad. Like i forgot. I totally forgot. And i was like i can forgive you in anyway. It's this is the real the real deal story and so i called him year like years later russell and i maybe were married at this point. Oh wow and we were in church. And he was actually leading worship. And i walked out and i also yeah and i called my ex and i was like hey. I just want you to know that that wasn't you like we weren't supposed to be together and i wasn't gonna see it other than that. I just wanna release you from thinking that you you messed everything up and i was like. I prayed for this to happen if we weren't supposed to be together and it happened. And it's not your character and it's not who you are and you're not gonna you know all of a sudden he's crying on the phone. I'm crying and you gave him serious like forgiveness. Yeah yeah and i was like this is not going to be your future shifted into like prophesying over his life. This is not who you are not who you're going to be. You're going to be a great dad and a great husband and and just kind of let them go. And i mean he was crying. I was crying and whatever lease was a really special thing actually and then for him to have that forgiveness for me you know and to think that like he doesn't have to be that person yeah and you won't he's married has a kid like he's just a good dude. I i hope. I think you know so. I've gone through like the hard stuff with god that that good stuff is that much sweeter and are you able to see the hard stuff. Now as part of god's plan totally that's something. I've been learning lately. Because i used to think things are good or bad like bad happens especially in this industry wild industry. It's a roller coaster. Ride now it'd be like oh if things don't go according to plan and even with my own career i've had a wild career distri. It's like so many things have blown up in my face and in the beginning it crushed me like when it first started happening i was like how can this happen in my life is over. How will we ever like move on and then comes this. Next wave of lessons of learning of things getting answered in ways that could have never been answered if if something yeah per se hadn't happen and it's made me realize that things really aren't bad you just have to be willing to find the message in them And it's all for the good. It's all good. Offer the good and we expect that guy's going to do things in a way that feel right but god teaches us lessons in all different ways totally hurt. It's not like his goal for our lives. Isn't that it's like son china. It's not. it's that we are good people. And we're humble people and that we love others well in some sometimes the hard stuff forced to do those things and see what really matters in what doesn't matter and you see it. You're in africa with little kids. Who are smiling bigger than anyone you've ever seen in your life in. All they have is a deflated. Soccer ball like there are things in this life that we think matter. Don't at all yeah. Just they don't. And i think that perspective is what really opens our eyes to it. I totally agree. And i've this year. My word has been surrender because so good. Well it's just like. I always have so many plans and i still have so many plans and i still have so many goals and like i want my life. I know how. I want my life to look because i very visionary my mind but also unlike some of the greatest things that ever happened to me have been so off course. You insert like. I'm trying to just let it all role and if something happens iraq's my world just get the lesson figure out why it happened sometimes being humbled such a good thing too. Yeah i'm thankful to like. Even if i hadn't had that heartbreak how would i ever relate to other girls who've been heartbroken You know and what have you. You might not even appreciate russell puppy he is. You might just think that's how normal people are. People are just like that. No they're not they're not but yeah like i'm just so even so russ and i even broke up while we were dating okay or just just tested out to make sure when i broke up to we were just. We just graduated college. He was about to take off and be the superstar. And i was out of still figuring my stuff out to and so even when that even that ended. I'd still with praying. God this is not your best. If this isn't your best for me like take him and so when that happened. I was like okay. Maybe it's not russell. And i just had so much peace because i'd already done this You know and i'd already in so in turn. I didn't get all clinging on him and be like but but no. no no. We're supposed to be together are supposed to be to and your faith straw. Just let him go. I let them go and I prayed for him and prayed. I would still be like if it's if it's him bring him back if it's not i don't and sherlock about a month. He came back and he called me on thanksgiving while in that month was like i'm thankful for you and i was like excuse me what. Why are you calling me. Here's like i don't know. I just thought about you and just wanted to tell us thankful for years like okay. Because he was like we'll be friends. I was like oh hail now. I've never been one of those people be friends with xs. No i was like you do not get both both and and i think that honestly helped a lot because i could just really let him go and i wasn't half their half not and not lukewarm. Yeah i was like you're all in or not and he back in all in and then y'all how long until you out married. after that. he proposed a year in a month or so after that and then got married three months after that as soon as we wearing white okay so very very and we were like luscious. Let's get married. We weren't living together. You know we were so excited to be married. I didn't. I wasn't excited about a wedding. I i really. I was like the sounds so stressful. Especially as the only girl i was like pressure is on sydney. We'll have kind of a low-key wedding Six hundred people like not others options. You know i'm not a very anxious person which also i think helps with this whole life. Faith that you don't have anxiety probably. Yeah probably so solid interface. No no there's plenty of times in like hello god alluding meaning right here. you know. there's plenty of time but or when a friend of mine just went through something show hard and there are plenty of times god. Where are you in this. 'cause this is not good in the because life happens and we're not in heaven not going to be here and i understand that but Yeah there's plenty of times that i'm like hello. This isn't cool. Yeah this is really really hard and there were plenty of times in his career. The last five years. We've been like where are you. I know. I know that. I think though that everyone has that journey. Yeah especially it's okay. It's for human beings like if anyone tells you they never questioned anything anytime. I'd be like concerned unless they're russell and they have the gift of faith. Like i mean he just really is like a fairy in god is everywhere and what would it be to be like him for a day. I don't know. I don't know i'm honestly kinda scared. His co bing bing bing being being it's so fun we were just talking about how. He's starting his vlog. Which who knows if this will ever even happen. I'm gonna be honest. His eighty is like i'm super into this right now. He's doing the whole thing. Okay but it's like. I watch the his first episode and it truly is like insight into his brain okay because this is his direction he is shooting. He's choosing what film he used to. Eighty is like all over the place like it is like a trip through his brain. It's exciting that's exciting. I'm excited. I'm just glad i'm not doing it online. It's fun with the camera babe. I'm gonna chill. It's a change of roles because you're the videography hello to cmt number one video. Hey how is that weird like. It's so funny. I i'm super proud of it. Because female directors are really rare. Like really like we were nominated for breakthrough video last year at. Cmt's so film and so they're just making sure i had a rig my situations couldn't check. Should i take a picture of what's happening over here to put on. That's how i'll post that. Were so we were nominated for. Cmt breakthrough video with yours. Yes which was purely just me and him and our been driving and that was also a leap of faith video. Because at that point there wasn't a whole lot going on russell's career. No there was nothing everyone had said. No everyone had said now. So you said okay. Let me just go out and film this video. Yeah i had so my fourth brother. The one who's apartment in a getaway in la which we have chocolate yes. He moved to santa barbara but he was rent controlled in house. Like yeah. we're gonna take this over. It's a dream so he is. A director has done tons of major major music videos. And so i was a junior in college and he was like hey. I just got in a nice camera. Christmas and he had this video job. Come through that. They didn't initially like the first video that was shot so all the budget was gone. And he's like five thousand dollars to pull off a video wasn't or jones. He's can you bring your camera. And i was like sure and i was like i've never done this. And he was like rock coming into her moment. No it wasn't like come away with me but it was like shortly after. Yeah and within like five years. I don't know and so we flew out i was like what are we doing where we going. He's like i'm taking you to new york. We're doing this some junior college. I have never shot a music video in my life. I just an photography. So i don't know i said photography so. We did photography like headshots. All that in the music school belmont and then he was like i've seen your i good. Is i good. I like you. i'll teach you film. You already have the other part. Okay thanks bro. thank you. So he flew me. And i was like where are we going. He's like norah jones's and i was like yes. I way we had come out. Yes so she's already so she's already superstar. Yeah and he has a five thousand dollar budget video. I don't know how. How does this happen. Well they didn't like the first video that was made that used the budget so then they're just like they're like three do negative where like let's go with that other guy that we didn't pick his treatment and give him the tiniest budget rules and so we all her apartment and all these different other places too but yeah just around new york shot be role and he did some stuff out. Nah so he was like i want. He's like i have enough on my real. I'm putting you as dp of this music just. Ap me director of photography so like the cinematographer. And i was like excusing job. Yeah i didn't even know how to do that. Then we're your chogori found you it honestly. I wasn't like i'm going to be cinematographer. So i'd already done it. Jones the origins. That's a good start. So then i came back and i did other music videos in nashville like low budget. Did i give you a good confidence. Boost. yeah i guess let me raise my rates and make a living but like that's the girl that did the norah jones. Yeah guys. i'm a professional for sure. So then when every label said no to him. I was like we can do this. We can do this ourselves. And how did you come up with the idea. Because it's literally russell walking down a road. I it's raining. Yes random but totally worked out yes. It wasn't planned or no no so we were just gonna shoot. Test footage in a storm was like rolling in. Because i wanted to be sure. I wanted to slow it down and speed up the music. Whatever and i was like. I want to share that. I know that i can do this so we went out there and as we're coming this storm is just rolling in and i was like okay. We need. we need to get somewhere quick. Quick we hadn't even done location scouting. Were outside of the prison in not in west nashville kind of awesome. Yeah there's fire or tornado sirens going off and we couldn't hear them but now looking back. I think that's why we didn't get stopped because everyone was undercover. We were only there for like an hour and a half. He's walked down this road. Cars would come and we'd have to redo it. And i'd be like hurry hurry. Hurry the rain's coming. So we were driving and i was again. I was like god. It'd be nice if i got all of my shots. They need before the rain comes. And then once i'm done i need downpour and get some shots of that happened and we went back out there to shoot his ep in. Meanwhile we're leaving. And i'm like i'd called my cinematographer friend in la. He's like. i mean did stuff with a grey's anatomy like he's insane and he didn't get back to me because i was like i just wanted to be sharing a shutter a everything right and he calls me after we're done and i was like. Please tell me that this was right. he goes. That's exactly what i would have told you to do house. Like thank god because i was like. I got all this lightning and i was like. I can't recreate this if this happened like i needed this to work right. It did and we. That was kind of your first. Real videos direct. Optique yourself very and it goes to number one on m. t. Yeah and you get nominated for music video of the year award yet. What is that. Yeah it was crazy. And i i the whole thing like it was all in all in house. Hey this is caroline hobby. We celebrate. We gift we mask and we holiday and special holiday face masks for the family are now available at old navy. Their washable breathable made from three layers of one hundred percent. Cotton and designed according to the cdc's recommendations for non medical face mask and just in time for the holidays shop festive plaids and fair. Aisles an amazing prince like santa's pink winds bears and more they make fantastic stocking stuffers. They're available in sizes for you and the kiddos with comfy adjustable ear loops and since we're wearing them for all of our holiday errands right. We need a lot head into your local old navy or shop on old navy dot com. See old navy. Dot com for details serving. Your country doesn't end when you leave active duty and veterans. The lessons learned uniform or ones that carry on forever as a supporter of iheartradio's vets. You should know podcast. Ford motor company is proud to share the lifelong dedication. Perseverance and camaraderie of these brave men and women so when i went to that basic camp for the army. I was told that my voice did matter and that i needed to use it and it was those members of the military and my friends. Who really helped me regain my voice and regain my confidence so that i could be a waste for others. Going forward is proud to support our military servicemembers. This veterans day. Always check out the. That's you should know podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. Then join ford's proud to honor initiative tell about a military service member. You're proud of using the hashtag proud to honor and for one hundred bucks on your behalf to military charities to three and a half million dollars. That's hashtag proud to honor wrestler. Kind of like. That's so cool about y'all are so self made as a team to because he's obviously the artists with the music but you are visually creating the when he shows me song. The new demos. Like i see. The video and blue tacoma was one of my favorite. That made you just feel that the drone looks and everything you're on like i just want everyone to feel like they're they're like they took this road trip with us. I don't want other people in it. I want it to feel like we're in our own world and feel like we did it. So i brought back other in to direct with me on this one because i was like. I don't know how to do all the permits and stuff. You're kidding me. It's like a road trip. There was so many places we need permits and other legal stuff one hundred percent and he had He had done a mercedes commercial and so he used those same drone guys on this so he had all the connections of who wanted so it was pretty great and that one also made a number one. I mean is crazy so you guys okay okay. This is what i love about you guys because like i feel like for eight years or so. Y'all were praying for success right. Or how long was it. Gosh well really since we got married which was five and a half years ago. So he's been at this since we graduate. He signed his first publishing deal in two thousand. When did we graduate college. Two thousand eleven okay. So he's been at this for eight years so eight years of waiting believing preparing a planning seeds. I just talked into my coffee on that. Hey i like it and then all of a sudden all this hard work dislike overflows and pays off in one year. That all happen. Yeah what is the year. Was it two hours. Went number one like a week ago last year this last like a year ago. So you're a week ago. Eighteen year everything was like we got our first bus. We're not driving van anymore. Praise god i bus two number ones like a cmt nam. He was nominated for acm's wild and iheart new artists. That's happened yet. No not yet. I mean i know. Awesome words toward lady antebellum or somebody else. We're so spoiled with tours. Like how is that. Because charles and cassie of lady. Yes my my people how that of your best. We've only toured with our best sees. Okay which we didn't know is like rare. So thomas rhett. Thomas rhett florida georgia line in lady antebellum our best friends in the industry partially so tr through us a bone like he was like this guy is going to be someone. Just trust me because he asked him on tour. Oh gosh when was that. It was not this last year the year before that the floor wasn't even on the radio. We didn't even give him a shot. Yeah and he had seen the video. We showed it to them and him in tyler. Tyler and hayley tyler hubbard and that's a yes in tyler was like you guys gotta show. Tr the video got to show him and so we showed him in. Dr never heard rusting and was like dude. We our friends with them. Yeah never heard him seeing. You know this was like this was right when we shot the video. Has tyler hubbard's wedding. That's how long ago this was. Okay so that was. I think a year after we got married to four or five years ago. Okay because he released yours for years before it went number one and with the video. That's an around. Yeah it's been around as a live. Yes so that far back and tr saw and then shortly after he saw his streams or climbing and then asked him on tour. And he told me. I we're playing darts after breaking cmt somethin- at some bar greenhills. He's like can. I tell you something like he's like. I'm going to ask us on tour. And i was like like freaking out and he was like you can't tell now i'll like why do i. This is the meanest thing you've ever done to me. I said i was like i was supposed to keep this secret. I was like no no absolutely not like i. Don't keep secrets from one to keep really great things from him. Like do i made him tell by the end of the night okay. Tr has something you'd like to tell you russ so was a so great. We were out with ryan heard and kelsey ballerini. Ntr oh my god. It was just like a is so it was like so young first of all. Everyone was under thirty. I'm pretty sure. Yeah and just a blast. Patrick yeah touring life. Yeah and then we went out with f. g. o. And then it's more shows at thomas rhett and then lady so. Tell me what you have gathered from being on tour. What is life like for you. And what have you learned from being on tour with all of these people who are your best cheese and friends and then also you know colleagues. It's more of a family than you would imagine. And especially now 'cause tr learn have two children and you were part you went to africa. Yeah yeah what. She's getting willow gray. I documented that whole process for her and just that they would have it. I don't know what they'll do or but she a lot of people wanted to document it and she was like it's way too personal. She was like i need. I need you there. And she told me on a thursday or wednesday and we were leaving. The next wednesday was like well. You come and i was like sure. And i go. I go to get my shots and vanderbilt. Wouldn't give them to me. They're like you need these ten days out. I was like well. I didn't know going to africa until now. So i don't know what you want me to do. Yeah i was like. I need a yellow card. And they're like we don't do it. Smells like what. The heck's gave me a whole list of places and i got. I need you to tell me what you wanna call like. I was like. I don't have time for this. And all of a sudden this one like that one does. It just was like a feeling and i call and they're like sorry. We're not doing this. Today were something she was like. Let me take your name. And i'll call you tomorrow so my kaley dickerson. And she goes wait a second. What's your husband's name. Are you syria. And i was like russell she goes. Can i call you right back. And i was like share so she calls me back and she was like okay. You can come in today anytime they superfan. Guess i was like excuse me. What did she goes. I took care of it. I'm such a fan. Like i'll get you in all my god and i was like thank you so i got it. And then that day. We flew to thomas rhett birthday in vegas it was. Acm's in larne was like she mind you. They were like this could make you sick. It's the yellow fever. Shot or something you can make you feel like you have also super pregnant. Yes this is also when she was pregnant. Yes and i thought they couldn't have kids so that's a miracle in itself. Yeah oh it's amazing so they're like you could make you sick and she leaves the room and i was like not in jesus name. I'm not getting it. Gets it knows what i go to vegas. And i was like lauren. I got my shot. Everything's cool and she was like. How do you feel like five. This is the shot tyler got. That made him miss award show. That thomson had to sub for him because he actually had the flu from it. I was like oh great. It doesn't make everyone sick like cassie. Kelly just got like how you feel great but because she's an right now on her way. Yeah jal same place i know. Lauren is taking a trip to just kind of bring people into what they're doing with love one. Show them how they're changing all these kids lives and it's incredible what they're doing and so i i've been there. I've seen it. I tried to go this year. I wanted to go. But it was overlapping with tour and it's his first headlining tour which is also yes. Amazing co headlining with carly our girl carly pearce and have a russell to be soon hit. Yes every little thing. I'm really little which is sarawak that they have like huge. They thought about calling the tour that they went back and forth. Maybe do a mashup. I don't know but it's a quick little tour. It's only four. We haven't been as a headlining insane going from all these tours of your friends colleagues. All that like oh. He has dreamt of this for so long in in his mind like he designed the lights like he he had it. All up here in just was like go. Talk to you about how it's going. What's the response been. It isn't saying like he'll finish blue. Tacoma i cried first of all the first night because they were saying every little thing so loud so loud and i was like. This isn't even like top forty. I don't think. I like what is going on and i just i mean i looked around i was like i'm not the only one here because there's plenty of shows i was the being like that would just stand up there once. I remember specifically in georgia and my brother was there and the boys had set everything up. Sound checked in the no one cared like it was a pool hall near me and my brother and sister-in-law and we just stood up. They're like dance like crazy people. Because we're like we're sorry no one else's here you know and so i looked out and there was like over two thousand people and i was like i mean just to come from nothing. Yeah that's it just the feeling that you have to feel. I'm so grateful hard work. yes please of persistence. The faith it makes you grateful. You're not you don't resent it. You're not like we're going. There are plenty of people who are like. Oh we have to go to this station and we are like we get to go yet like you know how long we prayed to have a conversation on radio you kidding me so i think the grind and the hustle is lends itself to so much more gratitude than anything else can absolutely nothing against anyone it was given to you but like it's just not going to lend itself to being really grateful because it takes a lot out of you. It is it does it. And you have to like love this with your entire. You can't half levin no you can't you won't make it now and maybe you do and then you resent it and then it just. That's not a way to live. I interviewed jesse alexander awhile ago. She's a songwriter. awesome. And i love her. I love her so much and we were talking about just the grind and being in the music industry and she was like everybody will get humbled at some point. You know and so it's just like you some people come in huge and it's like instant but like everybody is going to get humbled because you just it. It's a part of life as part of the journey. And so like like you're saying to have had all those years of grinding to know what it feels like to have. No one at the shows you know to still have your faith for him. It makes it so sweet so annual all ages have this appreciation to be there. Oh my gosh yes. Yes and amen day of how Oh someone was just talking about like artists comparing themselves to each other and feeling like there's enough room at the table right and i was like we learned that lesson in a very quiet place because rust actually turned down the deal. Fda took and we watch them blow up in front of our faces and at first we were like dang it. Did we make a mistake. But that was never our deal and it wouldn't have worked for him because he didn't have crews cruise like just as simple as that and xm. Radio deal no it was They're like publishing kind of label deal at the time and still they still are with. Its big loud. oh yeah and Arrests had turned it down and we were like. Oh did we make a mistake. 'cause nothing's happening for us like we learned that was. There's there's no comparison. There's no you cannot be like. We chose to celebrate them and cheer them on. And i feel like that is such a pivotal and i think that's why he has what he has in my opinion Because he will champion everyone around him. He's not mad when someone gets something he wants that he's been and we just did that in in a quiet place. We went through it so that now. We're not ruining relationships because there are some people who like kind of you know they're just not as welcoming or they think that they have to show up stage or whatever and like there's room at the table i love what you're saying because like in a different way like i'm kind of wwe career wise and also i've been on a big pregnancy journey and like we miscarriage and like we tried for a long time. Pregnant didn't happen. And it's just like i chose from the beginning. That was always going to be happy to support my friends who were having success in babies. Because exactly like you're saying it is so easy to want to feel sorry for yourself to get upset to be angry at the situation in saint with music. Something can go so great for you and then fall apart and ryan us. You're going to let your you can feel sad and upset for yourself to not be able to celebrate other people. I feel like it's such a. You're you're missing out. You really miss out on joys of life yours will come. You know totally an oil come. It might only come if you choose to celebrate other people. Yeah only come that way and just like when you see people who like it'd be hard sometimes because you can be a really hard season wife and yeah everyone else can be totally flourishing around you but still. It's like you have to have that faith that what's for you will be for you and celebrate other people. Yup i love that. You said that because that is something i have just been noticing and thinking about all the time because when you are in a heart season you wanna feel sad sometimes. But you're like no not bigger than me and totally someone else. Getting something doesn't mean you won't exactly. Why is that fear that that's part of the problem with thinking like there's not enough that god is he's infinite yeah literally infinite so what he has him giving one thing to something. He's not out of it now. He's not running his short stockholders not depleting like it's he is infinite like it never ends like it's all good you know and i think you have to realize that and believe it. In order to celebrate other people. I agree the secret to life celebrating. The people a man to that. I think it is i love that. So how do you okay. So when y'all are in a period where it wasn't going for you turned down an opportunity. How how did you deal with it privately. And how did you was that a decision that you made or was it just like. How did you work through that. I think we kinda ran towards it. Instead of like backing away from our friendships we ran straight to the heart of it. And we got nothing but closer with tyler and hayley and i mean we would go to their beautiful home and then come back to our little duplex that we were renting you know and there were plenty of opportunities to be jealous or you know. Want what your neighbor has. But we're like no we're gonna love the crap out of them and we're just going to be best friend and it changed for it. There are some of our sweetest dearest. There's some of the greatest people on the planet on the plant. Hundred like they're just wonderful people in if we would have let that come between us and resentment or whatever which. I'm sure he doesn't even if he heard this he'd be like what that was hard for you. You've never even talked about it because it truly we. We just ran towards it. Yeah instead of being shying away yeah we're just gonna love him We didn't. I really admire that i really do. Because that is such a incredible trait to have and it shows how much faith you have. And how loving yours human. Because that. that's one of the hardest things i mean. What is it like. it's it's one of the seven deadly sins zero darren. It's like it happens. Everyone especially in this industry that's navigating it in the way that you guys have chosen to navigate it with faith with love with you know just working on your self and your art india celebrating. Everyone else like that is really inspiring all thanks. It really is not always been easy. But it's it's worth it. It is worth it. And then look at your joyful life you know just trying to be like unicorns and rainbows are ear. He makes it pretty easy. Talk to me about europe. Because y'all on a big trip. Yes we matter speaking of guards and you said that you were thinking paris might let you down but it did. It did not. I thought it was going to be over hyped. Because you have this like this like picture. I have so romantic. And it's going to be this and that granted i've come to learn whether determines if i like city one hundred percent okay so like we went to amsterdam on this same trip but it was rainy and it was cold. I ll getting sick. And i need to go back because i didn't love it because of that aren't feeling great. Someone we know when they were in paris it was like that so they didn't let it when we were there. It was like seventy every day in sunny. Like high of seventy so it was like fall like early fall in. It was incredible. It was incredible food. Did you eat incredible. What you have pasta every day. Oh yes everything croissant is. Yeah macaroni. macron's locker rooms. I don't even know we don't speak french so the secret i will say the secret is trying. Everyone's like french. People are so rude they hate us baba so we would walk around and be like do. Do you try to communicate in french. They will be more welcoming to you. That's what we learned. So how would you speak to them you. we'd like. Do you speak english in french. And then there'd be like yes and then they're more likely to be kind to you because he was walking in being like. Hey can i get assuming. They speak english jerk american. Yeah i think that's why because we just assume they know our language like what if one was french walked up to you just started retrieve. You'll be like excuse me. Do i look french bread. Yeah but the food was crazy we did. Cassie kelly's recommendation. She has like everywhere texter. And you're like ham going here. She sends you an entire note of every location. Every rush keep notes on every yes every city. She's incredible goals. I call her the first lady of country music. Yes i'm like. Fashionable knows how to accidentally flips houses. Like she goes in and makes them so fabulous that people come over and they're like i'm buying your house and then she has to do it all over again. Style is just impeccable. Perfect every just who she uses out of this. I know it's you just loves it. But champions knows she calls everything fabulous favorite like. It never used that word until i was wrong. Cassie and i'd be like it's fabulous. That's what she does. She's just the best but she's entire list of every city. My gosh you're putting them in yelp. So i'm trying to find a way. I don't know there's probably a better way to do this. So comment if you know one. But i wanna start having like booklets or whatever lists in yelp okay to share i love. I don't know if that's the thing. But i started putting her in there and like the ones we liked and started writing reviews and trying to have different cities that could be like. Hey go 'cause then. When you're going to paris i don't know if you can do this but go to my profile right you're yelp profile and then see what i've saved. Yeah oh that one's kind of close to us because with her list. I have to yelp everyone to know where they okay in find. It started like putting them into her list verbatim. We went to at least three of the places she recommended. And they're all just sad as she was that one of them. We spent the most money we've ever spent on a meal. Truly truly it was right. After blue tacoma went number one got to celebrate. Oh yeah so. We hadn't done like a big celebration dinner so we did this eight core. Stop something what did you eat. Everything was soft but the funny thing about the french. I'm like do. They not have teeth like every soft moose foie gras everything okay. Yeah i was like if i'm going to do these things you're to hear that good for that's good is an american version. Who knows could be totally mess. I shouldn't have said that. I should be more open minded everything like that. S cargo and every little teeny tiny portion was all deleted. Is like a little quail wing. It was like this big and like the meat was like that and you just it wasn't. Yeah and then. All these desserts and wine pairings. It was crazy it was crazy. Some of some of it. I could use a little crunch. But that's like create all these teeny tiny moose's soups and everyone so teeny tiny france. You think are they. I don't know. I don't know that they aren't. I don't think i noticed. Drink fatty everything was fatty. Okay it's like real food. It's so much true zest true and we had An italian meal there that they wheeled out a whole thing of parmesan and scraped it and lit on fire. And how host my pasta and it is you die. Oh this is one of the best. Like i was like just behind russell's head. We're in this little allie. Only what is life. That honestly i would go back anytime. A was the last place. I wanted to go before we start talking about having kids because i want to go to paris so we're talking about having kids we're talking about okay. We're talking about. Hey i like the kid combo. Oh yeah we're working on it well about it but we've been married five years and that was my like i want five years of just us. Yeah i love that. Because i wanted to know just if if anything comes whatever like i know what us is so strong intrinsically is at the i don't know just found that i know who we are that you can feel if it changes. I totally get that have been together now. Ten years yes. We had a two year break in between but like two years. I don't think. I knew that i knew that we had a nice little break in between. And that's not even a break that's like a break up. That is a break up. Were on a break. We moved cities and states. And i didn't know if we're going to get back together. Weren't you in texas or something. Yeah yeah moved to austin and But i feel like that same way. We have been through so much. Like i've been with him was twenty one years old twenty four. I'm older and we were the flip case of twenty. One russ was twenty three. I think okay when we started dating. I personally for me and every story is different. I'm so glad to have gone through all of this licensing developing together. Same even though it has been like the has been in a lot of yeah same but also most exciting phases you could ever be. And because i'm my okay. We survived so mu- so much like we have lived through all these things that i know. Now when we bring a child into this world like you are saying. I know who we are through and through like. There's there's nothing you could tell me about michael. Nothing nothing that could shock me saying you know. We're so i. I know him better. Probably than i even know myself. Because i'm around him and me better than i know myself. Yeah oh yeah yeah. We know how to fight with each other now like learning all that fighting nice fight nice nice because in the beginning we weren't perfect fighting me. I wasn't hot. it's to learn. Fighting is a learned skill. Okay so how did you guys learn how to fight. How did y'all fighting We it is a learned skill. Yeah it really is and involves respect. We not. I think he was so afraid of commitment. Which shocks a lot of people. Because thank god. I'm yours right. But he was so afraid of commitment that i had to learn how to fight with him really gracefully. Okay and really more so just disagreeing and we couldn't have big fights because that would freak him out. Okay so i kind of learned. Probably a bad trait to like stuff. It and find a way to sleep on it and i would find a way to say it kindly in the morning or like stuffing it for a long time. No no no. I couldn't suffer too long. But take ownership really zoom out of this situation because i wasn't as emotional the next day and actually a very wise. Yeah well i had to. They wouldn't work Yeah and be like all right. This is what i've done wrong. And i know that and this is what you didn't really hurt my feelings. Anything we disagree or whatever. It's usually hurt my feelings okay. We don't. I don't ever really get mad at him. I got mad at him one time specifically recently so probably more times that. I've just forgotten. But this one i came home is asked him to do the laundry. Put away the laundry. Because he wanted to go out. And i love working them choosing my my speaking life over this actually hate it saying i love working out or because i'm hoping i get there So you love. I love working at it so i paver. If you could hear this right now he'd be dying because he's like oh convincing me. I'll make you coffee. If we go work out. So in this scenario he wanted to work out. And i was like shirt. But i need you to do this. Because i don't have enough time in the day to do this. Get ready for bus call. And i have a birthday party tonight so walmart the birthday party i am. I need you to do this laundry and it was just putting things on hangers and high prime now more hangars because we were running low gave him. All of the tools is already alright. Stage was set. I come home. The hangers are in the prime now bags by the door. All the clothes are still out here and he was playing video games in the basement. I tell you. I think that's i think that's guys. I lost my ever loving light. did you blow up. Oh yeah anything no okay. Well yeah. I guess i was just so so angry because i was like i do everything for us. I asked you for help once. Which is if you do any any a graham. What are you. I'm a three three two two three three shaver helper. Yes so like this was my to wing freaking out because because now you're two wings in right so i always help him always have helped him. But that's what you were right. I love it. But i asked for help and his. He is a seven. That's what michael is. The day is long goes straight seven best day of his life. Everyday up has enough energy to do everything the happiest people they are. They're really happy. Bill michaels seven two and. I'm just like a thank god. You know i'm four. I am an emotional. What i bet you have a strong three ring wing. No yes you're not ever achieving. I am a four four four four. How does live and my emotions. Thank god i married a seven. I would just be at the bottom of the try three seven. I'm sure four seven is like it's like the perfect ten. Oh i like that like in achieving. Cause i have the achiever and he has the dreamer And so i'm like let's do this. Ron stoppable let's go okay. He has the energy that keeps me going yes. Xfl thing anyway my to wing your to explain. So when when they're in stress they go to eight. So i i like blue. I didn't like him back. But i just started cleaning and being loud music. I got it. I was like clearly you do like so mad. I was so and he never plays video games of all the days. I never. He's not that guy. 'cause i when he wanted to get an xbox i was like like i think guys who are obsessive video games. It's so unattractive to I was like. Do you really wanna be unattractive to me like. That's how i pitched and he's like but for him. I'm glad he has it because he never plays and if he does it's because he's actually so exhausted that he needs something to shut his mind off. Allies will keep dreaming and keep brainstorming and he never he never sits stops. Yeah and so it makes it and stop so. He really never does that. Ever and so. I was like all the days i was still. So how did that one end. We went to bed angry. Which did he defend his video games. Oh no no. He knew he definitely wrong. Yeah well at one point he jump up and start hanging things up. Oh yeah he rose to the. And i was like no forget it. I've got so. I go to sleep mad which i said this recently. On another podcast. I i think that's one of the things in the bible. That i'm like i disagree with you because it says like don't let the sun go down on your anger but mind you already down first of all. I have a clear head in the morning. It's better not to fight. When you're enrage oh you know. I have learned that about myself because i get activated kind of easily. I've worked on it a lot. Lot of therapy a lot of self realization. That like angers never a good thing. So if i feel angry and hot that is not the time to talk about something. It is definitely not the time. And what is it's like. There's a acronym it's like not when you're hungry tired. Halt halt angry lonely tired angry tired. Yeah and i was tired. I was exhausted. It was like the week of every christmas party every everything we had. Just come off. The road hosted two huge things at our house. And i was. I am done. I have nothing left. And that's i was like i asked for help. Wants which. I asked for help all the time. Just so dramatic. I was like you're not allowed to not help me. I help you all like speaking totally crazy and it happens though. Oh yeah you know it does. It's like i did that. A bunch in this podcast. Hey i hack all the time. Great with my coffee but i think that is one of the great things about marriage is learning each other learning. You're breaking points. Learning how to navigate those situations and not getting lost in them. Not thinking is the end of the world. It's just a moment. It was moment in the next morning the next it was so cute. He gave me a card and everything. I've never actually. I don't think i've ever actually been mad at him. And that was the first time in five years. Wow so this was. This was a moment. This was a moment. Yeah cards say it was just like thank you so much for everything you do for. Our family will love you so much. I'm so sorry you know like like she'd get mad more off so cute. I really don't get mad at him. It's mostly my feelings. Are hurt or i feel because i'm pretty i feel like i'm pretty good at recognizing i feel lonely so instead of like doing something to pull him in like in getting upset about something so he close. I just i just tell him. Yeah i need more of you. I haven't seen you enough. I feel like i'm in the background. What's your love language quality time. Okay and which is. Also why. I kind of have to be on the road uh-huh because of the i don't know i'm not words i don't need in that scenario. I guess i would have been of service. Yeah but yeah. I just dislike being around him in most of the time i can just be in the same orbit and we don't have to be alone but sometimes i do need just like any just you and me. Let's go for a walk. You're saying going for a walk is like a key to happy marriage. It's my keys to having marriage walks. Okay sex. I agree with that to some people aren't about that but like i mean i totally agree with that on a very regular basis. Yes yeah oh we thought it over this. We have where team like try for every day. I mean well. I maybe that seven. Who's just happy. Go lucky enjoys all things in life. Michael is like down every day and it. Yeah and so. I'm just like okay. Why would i fight this because yeah fun and be it's cheaper than therapy cheese therapy and it keeps you so connected. Yes it really does that drifts apart ever which ours never has. Because i decided one day. I was like i'm going to make this a priority same and we're like i heard it somewhere. Girls like crock. Pots and men are like microwaves. Have you ever heard that. Oh that like our like our sexual. Everything is more of a slow steady all day. Kind of thing. Yes yes so if they flirt with us all day in they but you just like kiss a guy for two seconds and they like being. We're ready you know we're more were it's all mixed together. Can't like separate like if you were jerk early in the morning we still feel that at night like it's guys are not as much like that absolutely in my experience i agree and so yes if i in my if i set my crock pot too low in the morning mike mentally then when it comes time whenever we do. I'm like yeah. I've been thinking about it of in processing and it makes me open and i can't stuff things because if that's going to happen we're gonna have had a conversation if i'm upset about something absolutely makes me. Communicate makes him really sentimental and suite all the time. Yeah i mean not all the time but modestly a lot i know i think having a healthy sexual relationship keeps your relationship. Yeah healthy. I feel like it's like insurance for your marriage. Okay wait at this great. Tell me why. Tell me what that means. I don't know. I just feel like it helps make you invincible. Like you're becoming your intentionally. You are one as a married couple. you're choosing to be one in just reiterating over and over. We are one we are one. Yeah and i think it's great. I love that i agree. Hey hi fi. Great marriage sex rape walks going for walks. I love a good walk. You get your communication you get i. I like to say the shoulder to shoulder. men communicate better shoulder to shoulder face. Face-to-face okay and get that in. My experience doesn't have read it somewhere. I can't super interesting like girls. Let's get coffee. That's like yeah like guys. If they were doing this podcast they'd be like this. he has. they're more open now. I'm totally much. So we go for a walk and he just dreams in. I enjoyed to. We'll we'll pray while we walk because you're not just sitting ruling bed and you're like in jesus name amen love that you're conversational. God we pray for this friend who has cancer like we say. No yes yeah. We'll pray for this person's marriage or i don't know it's more conversational doesn't end. I love that it's great wine wine. Yeah also leads to the great expert not too much though. Yes yes he is a little wino- i call him. Why is that like a negative turn. Well i just. It's a thing now. It's even on his apps. He just puts his glasses left. I was like yeah fine He doesn't do the thin ones. Just to reassure everyone who gets terrified. It's going to break out if they're like really fine ones he doesn't. He doesn't miss a certain consistency. Yeah it has to be like thickness semi indestructible. Yeah okay. but it's never too tie. Whatever i i love it. Yeah he He liked the psalm documentaries. Have you ever watched those o. S. o. m. s. becoming a master small. Ea oh and it's documentary. There's three of them. Now of these people trying to be masters in it is wild like they have to blind taste. Three whites threads say what year they are where they're from there's tundra is right or thousands of one. Yeah oh yeah in regions. There's only i think there's less than one hundred masters in the world. Well so the first documentaries really cool watching that process because it's like you have to be a savant like this is not a normal person's skillset. Yeah the funny part about is we watched the first one when it came out on on our tv and our old apartment living next to ms kathy and her cat in our little duplex drinking box wine. Watching this documentary about the airlines. I taste cherry law. Hardboard guard tennis balls. So funny we like watched and drank the cheapest wine basel because that's all we could afford. And so then the second one came out and we got even more the second one eight times. I'm gonna wash theirself on that second. One is my favorite tells you why all of the things are as important as they are. Okay like even how wine of was affected by war. And it's really cool so anyway it got him super into wine so i call him russell dick or som- when he doesn't swirling which is disgusting. I like hate when people do that but he does it. And then if it's a very nice wine uh-huh He loves it. It's really it's really cute. I love that very into it. And i get to reap the benefits of it. I'm like this one's delicious thanks bay. Hey thanks for scoping. Yeah exactly so. What are you watching on netflix. This goo it's not but Marvelous mrs maisel love love. we have two more episodes. I like refused to watch them. Because i don't i don't want it to be over. I'm just like that. i'm like it can't be over. We're catching up on. This is us because him for that. I love it every time. I'm in and i'm like okay. Love watching this. But i have to gear up for each episode. Yes 'cause i know it's going to just hug all my heartstrings. yes which. I love doing all the things. But he's less likely to yell it as a seven because sevens avoid pain in. That show has a minute so hits his mazel. Like watch the funny one you know. He's really sweet. He watches what. I wanna watch because a lot of i think it is kind of like a spiritual thing for me. I if it's really heavy and dark. I really really feel it Yes i mike. Why my praying against all of these heavy in dark things and then submitting myself to them and watching it. And i'm like this makes no sense so one day i was like if it's not it doesn't make me feel great. I'm not we have enough real stress in our lives. I don't need fake stress a love that so we're happy show people that's how we are to religiously y'all should watch last night on earth. Have you seen that yet. It's so silly. I we back it kind of took a little. It kind of is getting a little more intense but like michael's the same without that first. Episode is the best pilot of ever seen of last night on earth and he's like bowling with cars. The things are blowing up. That's one of my favorite pilots of all time. We watched the whole first season. And then i think we get lost interest in the second. It's kind of cheesy but it's yeah michael's the saying we're gonna remind me of january jones. Okay great thanks. Yeah she she's babe. Okay so obviously. I want to talk to you forever but you have to tabasco and there's laundry and all sorts. Yeah honey honey. But i like to leave all my episodes. Leave your light. So just obviously. You're super inspiring this inspiring. But what do you want people to know like what's a message you want to speak into people that Just love people love them hard and well and intentionally and i personally think being known is even better than being loved because in our culture everything is just like. Oh i love you. I love you love you but like nothing communicates love like actually investing in people in knowing them and knowing them well and in turn you're loving them well. I love that. Investing in people invest in people. Do you invest in a lot of people or do you are you. I reigned in. Yeah i used to do a lot. L. a.'s helped your in that in. Yes that's part of the reason you know about the apartment just to have alone time and everything. Yeah you said a quote like if you say yes. Everything is because you're not learning how to prioritize your nose or something. Yeah yeah just. Because you're i forget exactly what it was but if you're saying yes everything is only showing that you don't know how to say no Something to that effect like. I really learn that. Yeah 'cause one day. I woke up and i realized i was like. I've gone to coffee eight times this week in every single time. I was helping someone and it was not reciprocated. Yes and i was like okay. That's the two wing. I enjoy it. But you can't. But then i realized i hadn't seen my very best friends. The ones who don't need me. Yes in the best way. Is there reciprocal friendships. Yes and i was like dang like i really need reprioritize my life and so my circle got smaller and smaller. And unless it's reciprocal like it really doesn't get much my because there's not much of it left. I think that's so important. I feel like. I've been that same way i was. I've i've always loved to be social. No everyone loves everyone. I hit a breaking point in the past couple of years. I'm like i am tired. I love knowing so many people and being community. But saying it's like you just want to pour yourself into the relationships that really that are lifelong. Yeah aren't like and then if someone comes around and totally in it's great but it's like i'm not seeking out like they used to. I we had so many people live with us. Stay with us. Who needed us like those. Were beautiful times. But all of a sudden i was like at season's done yeah and that was the beginning of this last year in ever in. Thank god because if i had we had nothing left on we were so exhausted that if we were banking on anything in return from these people we would have been screwed not the people who stayed us but the ones who always needed our time and yeah we really had to rein it and i love that. I love you. you're so wise girl on. i'm serious. I love you so much. My sunshine over here got have a rain. Cloud to my number four like my four is like i'm sierra. It's a secret rain cloud there. Well i haven't seen it. I've worked on it a lot. Because like i'm just. I'm a romantic forest. So like i get so lost feelings. I've had to learn how to separate them all and realize like not get like go down the landslide with them. And that's my thirty s. I will say. I've gotten a lot better like therapy and michael team. There be great. Have to feel everything to the bottom like. But when i feel something and like affects me. I have to go to the bottom so hard this feel it and feel it and that's why i can recover quickly from things like some people will hit them and it will take them years to process or like months for me. I'm like in it all the way down immediately like there and then i just figure out how to get out of it so it's really intense but it's fast that's good. That's a good thing but it's also psycho like bipolar. Sometimes no yeah. 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