You Can Decide To Have Confidence Ft. Claudia Oshry
Hello, welcome to diet starts tomorrow. I'm Sammy. I may lean. And today we're going to be joined by drum roll. I'm not as good as a at the Jomo role right now. Okay. Girl job cloudy, Austria girl with no job is joining us leader and really excited for you guys to hear what she has to say because she's been around on insta- for a really long time, and she's always just sort of seem so so confident despite the and we talk about this leader is like, she's so much younger than us, and we always talk about how this competence kind of comes within with age, and she's so much younger and she just sort of has it. And so we talk about, like, is it really all does it really is it really like that on the inside and so we'll talk about that later. So yeah brings us, but to start, many of you might have known or notice probably through Instagram that last week was world mental Health Day, and there were a lot of statements from celebrities that basically were coming out so to speak, even though many of them have been out before about their own mental health. Struggles and that sort of thing. And going along with this interview with Claudio. We wanted to talk about how people who are famous or very high profile who might seem like they have it all together actually may not really and they might struggle with mental health. And so I saw this Instagram, it was from beyond the interview and they put up a bunch of quotes from different celebrities about basically, they're, they're speaking about their own mental health. So I wanna read them and you can guess you only guess who they are yet. So I'm so you're gonna read me quotes an anonymous to everyone except you and anyone who seen this insta- which is a lot of people, and I'm going to guess from the world of celebrities who saliva could've been. Yes, exactly. Can you give you a hint of what industry they're in? Sure. But I think the point is that I just want to guess games. Yeah. Okay. Until recently I lived in tonight on 'isolation and in constant fear, someone would expose me. It was too heavy burdens to carry, and I simply couldn't do that anymore. I thought and received treatment. I put positive people around me and I got back to doing what I love writing songs and making music. So you know what industry they're okay. So music there writer in music and forever. They lived in isolation. Here's the thing. You would never guess that they lived in isolation based off of like what, who is any about their image? Hardest game I've ever played. Give me one like now. Okay. You'll always be Lord. Yes. Those are good hands, obvious, right? I wasn't rob really riot we. Can you read it again now that we have until recently, I lived in denial and ice elation and constant fear. Someone would expose me. It was too heavy a burden to carry, and I simply couldn't do that anymore. I sought and received treatment. I Papa people around me and I got back to you in one. Okay. So this whole idea of like, so expose me, that's like imposter syndrome. I feel that one hundred per cent of the day. One hundred percent of the day. I'm just like, who the fuck am I? I'm a huge mass. Someone's going to figure it out and and then like an he, you know, just making a fiscally financially irresponsible decisions left and right, and I'm just like, not. I don't write and Maria, Maria, Maria carry. Mariah Carey version, literally Mariah. She doesn't have a lesson maim. I will that. Well she does, but that's. That's why that's why we're playing this game. I know. Okay. Going to do another one. Okay. Here's one. I think a lot of people having Zayed's, especially right now, my anxiety has anxiety. I've always had anxiety. I've never really spoken about it because I never thought everyone had it because I thought everyone had it. But when I got home from tour, it was the most severe. I think it's ever been tour. Okay. So either either musicians also music comedian. She's also Moshi music of someone with a lot of anxiety who just went on tour, lots of feel Sherlock Holmes right now. Is she like she been in the news recently? Yes, Arianna grounded. Oh, really? Oh shit. Yeah, I can only imagine with all this fucking shit going on the fact that they just broke up with MAC Miller. Well, one, this, this, this Instagram went up five days ago. She had not broken up with hadn't broke, but she but MAG. Millard still happens. Oh my God, I can't even. I think she said this before MAC Miller. Like I don't think right. This is just a like an evergreen cope by either saying, I've always had anxiety. I mean, it's an evergreen quote. Yeah, like end. She says, I've never really spoken about it because I thought everyone had it. Interesting. See with like minds idea. Mining's idea. I only started no one has it. I thought, no one had. Right. Interesting. Yeah. I think it would make me want to talk about it more knowing that everybody has it. I'm new that Arianna old. We've talked about this like on slapped and everything. She's, she's Dr she's like a dark soul. Well, I just recorded a bet slapped episode. Oh, so every deep into Arianna 's I wasn't on that legislation. Yeah. Yeah. So if you want to check that out to hear more about Arianna guy should because Sammy listens to this other podcast called entity lawyer, glare, and he's like an entertainment lawyer in the business forever, and he likes sort of has these these very insider scoops Ari insider scoops, and Sammy listen to the podcast and you should listen because she, here's the thing. If you want to hear those, you want wanna hear what people the celebrities want you to hear follow people and all that stuff. Yeah. If you if you don't, if you want to hear what they don't want you to hear, listen to this guy or listen to our podcast. Sammy, we'll repeat everything. He says, because you have to pay for, but I. Don't write paper his. I don't repeat it as well as he he does. I don't because I'm sort of just like gramling like that mean from parks and rec, I'm like the guy at the, it'd be like, you don't even understand. They're like, oh, and drugs, and they're all like so pumped up. Yeah, that's me when he speaks really slowly new Arianna has anxiety. Okay. Okay. Give me another one. Okay. A lot of people like to judge you and make fun of you on the internet and make people make you feel crazy whenever you're in in as oppression or having Zayed's or having a panic attack. It's about that and being sad, and having your emotions and not being able to ignore the feelings you're having. I don't think you're gonna guess this person we. What something about why a lot of people like to judge you and make fun of you on the internet and people make you feel crazy whenever you're in a depression or having Zayed, you're having a panic attack. It's about that and being sad, and having your emotions and not being able to ignore the feelings, you're having someone that if it has tacked on the internet, it's a sibling of someone who is more like more famous a sibling, but she's also a woman among the younger set. She's she's a younger. She's the, she's a generation z. yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's coming to me. I don't know fister I'm like, I'm not going to get it. Okay. She's dating wills out. Okay. My my, the other Cyrus Yaohua. It's her she they went together then aren't actually, I don't think so. Oh deed on hot Cheetos, at least he didn't OD on. I don't know things on x. real. I don't know who knows. Okay, let's you one. What's we talk about it? What she does. Everybody makes fun of her on the internet on the introduce the thing. If you're famous person, half of the things that people say about you will be bad. I think that that's just something or maybe not half, but it's just annoying say to you on your instant comments. I think that is just the craziest thing that there's people out there who don't understand that they're comment like five, something negative to say. I think we also talk with us with Claudia later, but if I have something negative to say, I'll DM it to my friend to discuss, but I would never like just the everybody reads their comments. Right? I mean, I think that's why they're doing it. They want you to see your hate. Here's the thing. One who I really, really hate the president. I would not. Comet on his. Right. I don't unders-. I can't empathize or can't put my fucking head in the shoot. What's the phrase? You put your feet shoes the feet in the shoes of someone who somebody who do something like that. And if you had anybody who's listening, does that November judge you like? I don't. I, I don't understand it like everybody reads their comments and there. That's why they're doing it. Yours you because you're coming from the mindset of someone who was like, I don't wanna purposely make someone feel bad. I think that most of the day, I think that most of the negative comments are not. They're not people don't want personal read it, just they think that they don't, and they're just like, want to some put yourself, put yourself in the shoes of a troll. You've not can't. Okay. But right. That was the phrase shoes. Okay, self in the shoes and feet. I don't know any. Okay. If you're, you're you so you can't really see this, but the troll is someone who has they have nothing. They're just they have. This is like their little thrill in the day. This is the thrill. This is the thrill for them. You have a thrill, you're like, oh, I got to like, I don't know, meet echoes liberty or like, okay, but at this restaurant is a huge difference between like reading someone's comment thrill and meeting celeb- for them for them. They're like like a cool emails a throw, right? I guess like sure go, okay for them. This is like a thrill. They need to take their internal angst and they need to externalize it. So that shows up in the comments section of a celebrity where they're like, oh, they've comments, they're not gonna care what I say, but I get to get this aggression out. I still don't understand because can't do they also not have any friends. I don't think it's that they don't. I can't speak to their friend about it. I mean, I'm guess I'm being very naive and a lot of people are alone. It's hard for us to understand what people who are completely different than us. What like is going through their head in terms of like, what is normal behavior for them on the internet. Like to me like it is not inaudible is this also showing also some form of mental illness comment? I Dr. Are licensed there. I am a self licensed therapist. I personally think that something has to be a little off with you. If you are commenting negative things on a stranger who is famous that you don't know or any stranger you can if they're not famous, I would literally never comment on someone's in Ceram unless it was positive and I either like loved them as a celebrity or have like a relationship with a person or Meam. I would just tag tag up front, but that's not. That's not a comment that it's not a person that. Yeah, right. I would literally never leave negative comment on someone's Instagram, even someone I hate that, so I don't really get it. I hate a lot of people. I don't hate anybody. I hate one person. Okay. I don't like I, I can't. I don't know. I can't hate anybody. I don't know. You know what I mean? Like I hate things. Right, right. Or like ideas. Why establishment. I hate. I don't want to wait any people because I don't know any. I don't know anyone. I hate like, no, like you don't grow. I don't know this. Okay. Here's the thing I don't. I hate the president because he is the president, right? If you was the appropriate host, I would be like, okay, I don't care. I'll never thinking about you the current. I hate this person is the president. Yes. You hate if he were doing something else, I don't care, right. It's only the fact that he's the president, right? Cook. It's not like even it's not even a personal on that level. It's like it's political literally flow yet. Okay. Well, okay. Read the next one. Okay. Sorry, my phone, my phone went off. I have to. We were deep in conversation about Noah, Cyrus. Oh my God. Okay. Like name, no girl. Yeah. You know who's pregnant hill, Meghan Markle yet. I thought I said who because it was like, who else? Yeah. Yeah. I know everybody knows that she's pregnant like it's very quick. She gets a lot of hate to even from her own family. Okay. New quote I've been in and out of mental health facilities since I was nine. I tried to draw myself in the pool when I was in fourth or fifth grade, I was trying to get my head stuck in the ladder in the deep end. So I would not be able to get up, but I'm too much of a pussy. My head is too small. Okay. Kind of wish I read that one that was, I think I know who this is because I, when I. Who do you think it is? It's it's his Jarque comedian because he made a joke at the end really good at this a joke at the end. And he someone really dark and the fact that he's on here makes me think that it is Davidson. Yes, really? Yes. I figured because it's like kind of current people. Yeah, it is. That's really fucking crazy Ganz. Sad. I know. I know it really does sound crazy and sad that these two people were together. Well, that's why it was so explosive, right? Like both in a positive way on in like a really bad. I know. Yeah, nothing I'll tell you after. Yeah, I think I think it's like really. Yeah, it's sad. Okay. I'm gonna read one more and this is he's a little bit of a more positive one, and I think this can lead us into our next discussion. It also kind of ties back to last week's episode about lady Gaga. Okay. Reforming Boehner ability as being bad ass and tough and actually super courageous is a great way to rebrand talking about your feelings when we share what's going on with us that actually comes us down. I don't. I have no idea. Okay. I'll give you hit. I personally love this person and she's really funny comedian does. Okay. Give me one. Does she have any relation to us? Yes. But he coming, yes. She wrote a quote for our buck. When's happy? Everybody should preorder to put in pre orders and mental health in the same sentence. Yeah, interesting. So her book it's called, I'm fine. Another lies. She talks a lot about this and she like really like lays everything bear about like all the struggles. She has things -iety and self image and body image and all this stuff. She times we met her that one time. She talked about it a lot of it. This is why I like her so much because she sort of gets on that. Like doctor pharmacist, payments, I love me or psychiatrist page, which I really connect to like, that's the kind of shop. I love Shaq. And she. So she writes a lot about it and her whole kind of thing is like just talking about your feelings, getting them out there rather than hiding them and pretending like your perfect and that everything is perfect when it's not. Yeah, I think is really important. And I think that this is one of the biggest things that I guess we're trying to convey with this episode is that like all these liberties that you think are perfect and they're so confident they have it all by or to be like that you aspire to be. They go into their shame and anxiety and depression spirals just like you. Do. I think about this a lot about like these celebs who are these names and who you people idolize and and you see them like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm standing next to blank. I would only happen. Okay. Okay enough. They're they're human. They're just the same as you and they are. She also just whisper Debbie. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the celebrity. She'd be like, oh my God. Okay. Well, truth. Ruth b. is like receive Ruthie bislama as really just the best. Right? Because she's not a celebrity for celebrity sake. She's an accomplished person, but celebs are -ccomplish d- right by them. Right. Okay. It's a little different, huge caveats. But I think I think it's just that's how I put shit in perspective is that like they're literally just a person and they don't even. They can't even sort of unless you're like Khan, yea or the, but that's a whole 'nother level. If unless you're like that, they don't even process their own success as as the same way as you do you process their success. You know what I mean? Yes. They sit there and like cooler just released an album that's work like still like fucking face tuning my thighs. You know, like, you know what I mean? It's, I mean, you'd think if peon say or anybody, Madonna, anybody like that, they're still going through like deep shit, right. Well, I mean. We just that's the thing is like we think, oh, beyond say concert, that's a fun event for beyond say that is her job. It's her livelihood. It's her reputation on the line every single show if she doesn't perform or she doesn't show up or she is tired, that is that all chips away at the of beyond say. But speaking of that, I've seen this on Instagram or I've seen, I heard somebody make a joke about it at the how bucking annoying it is that Jay z and beyond go on tour together. Yeah, you know and he can stays there there well beyond say, does like seventy five outfit changes flips in her heels like back and forth, and sings has an amazing. She's not bragging. She's just singing, beautiful notes and and they're the same, right? I'm not going to make about same, but you know what I mean? I'm not gonna make us about the difference between men and women. I'm not. I'm thinking talking about it shows that I sure the pure the, the amount, the difference in the type of like that, like the. Impact that it can have on the on the two of them because of the pressure that ambience a verse Jasey the pressure of performing. Yeah, it's several real thing. Yeah. As he listened to. I had a good voice. I would be more like Adel just like standing there. Yeah, you guys can fucking dance behind me. I'm just going to be thinking. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I would wanna be. I don't know. I kind of like dancing, not that great at it like Pauline. I also just want to say that I know that we're laughing and joking, and I've made a few jokes about the what we're talking about is very serious. And I just I just feel like. I know when he coming says, like in order for you for for us to talk about serious things, we sort of have to bring the light to them. We have to be able to talk about. I can't talk about Sears things of that joking because my defense mechanism. So I just want to tell everyone that I'm fully aware of that. Oh yeah. When I go to therapy and I'll like say something that is teams. Really traumatic, and I'll make like a joke about it and the fact that she doesn't receive it might therapist doesn't receive it by laughing all. So I'm like, I'm deeply wounded shale just like she'll she'll, she'll she'll say something like that fun. It'd be like be like, what's funny about that. I find that to be really sad, and I'm just like about pitch. Twenty just lap right? Like right, but but I get it because because really the laughing is the way that I cope with things that are deeply terrible. That's why we're here, right? That is why we're here and not letting I'm healthy person. That's right. So she's like like, but it it has changed sort of like the way I'll look at things that are are problematic because usually I used to be there's only one way to deal with them Davidson, like even David has quote that we just read made a Joe serving, quote joke about the fact that he tried to drown himself when he was nine, and then turn that in the next second into a joke like that is really, really. I mean, obviously disturbed, right? It's really busy serving. Yeah, but I think that the point we're trying to make to the listener who is not, you know, a celebrity may you are Hello? Foodie. Yeah, you were just a person like all of us, right? But what I'm saying is like we often think like we get emails from people and they're like, why am I so fucked up? Why can't I lose weight? I feel so bad about my body. I feel so not confident. I feel like I will never get someone to date me like this sort of thing. These are the kind of things that people say to us and they are sort of looking for an outlet for their insecurities and they're wondering like, why am I so insecure? Like? Why can't I just like get over it or get over whatever struggle I'm having? And I think they, I think there's often this feeling I get this a lot to that. Like if only I were like this, then everything would be okay if only I could fix this problem, then everything would be okay if only this person, right. If only my life looks like that, then it would be fine. But I think that like what the point we're trying to demonstrate by like reading these quotes in having these conversations about celebrities is that there is no, if only that celebrity that you think looks perfect and puts up the perfect Instagram, and has this many follow. Hours and they make so much money going on tour or whatever it is you think, oh, they're, they have no problems they have. They don't. They don't have a need to be not confident point out. There's this account that you told me about called celeb- face that I've, oh yeah, and they literally show. I mean, they call out not that I would ever want. Anybody did this to me, but no one takes actual photos of me that somebody can compare my face tune, but they compare like a a or Getty image of like models to what they post and the models who are sized negative, double zero are face tuning. They show the face tuning on red carpets on literally runways. They're decreasing the size of their stomachs. They're doing exactly the same. All of us are and it. And you've pointed out to me that you're like, I thought it looked better before because in the before photo sometimes it does look better before because it's actually what you look like. And these are typically already very thin people like there was one of Kim Kardashian where I was just like. That stomach. It doesn't even look good because it doesn't look like a real stomach. They also believed person. 'cause already, so thin based dudes are baby sodas, skim Zoll, Ceac. I mean, we Kim's old Ceac face tuned. Her kids knows and but made the but bigger shot. Yes, we sort of fucking on her baby. Oh, my God, right. I'm just hope is your kid going to have? I mean, I mean, not that I'm laughing. But not putting like a Snapchat filter. Instagram filter is much healthier on a baby, like the baby's loved the filters. Yeah, the dog wants funny, but what about the one that just makes you look smooth and beautiful the baby at? Here's the thing. It's more dangerous for baby than it is for you or me because they one, they're seeing it to this is the most impressionable time in their lives. So this one image of themselves in the selfie is a larger proportion of all the images they've ever seen of themselves compared to us. We've seen thousands and thousands of pictures of ourselves at this point because we're older. So one picture in a filter is nice going to have as much of an impact as it will to two year old who's who's seen themselves maybe only hundreds of times in a camera. So when they see that altered image, it's m- has a much bigger craze proportional back. I don't think a lot of people do that. I think I do you think a lot of people face you in their kids. Well, okay. Face tune and then post publicly? I don't know. I don't think regular people do that, but I think everyone is showing their kids. So. No, but I'm saying showing their kids filters. The filters, I think are more unhealthy even than like the face tune, which may be the baby is even conscious of and it's crazy because there hasn't been enough time with this data to to show for it or like sir, like research while I'm sure even if they're just gonna take Sammy's, low self licensed therapist. Here's even if there were legitimate research, big social media would pay big, social would pay for. It's not be as bad as you can't really know. Right, big social. Yeah. So big media. What's our point? Our point is, is that life is crazy. The world is fucked up and we're mad about it, but we're here to talk about it because again, it normalizes things at it makes I hope it puts things into perspective for you not to instead of wanting to be like, you know how say. Now we're talking about previously who's our body goals? Well, I'm sort of removing that from a conversation because my body goals are going to be just my own goals for myself. I know I'm full of shit when I say this, but I'm gonna try that. And I think that's, that's, I think the takeaway is that, like, let's remove idolizing whoever. It's one thing to have inspiration write letters RV g. Yeah, you and our BG is another thing to to be hate yourself because you're not like that person because that person is usually putting out images of their best angles or putting out news of their best moments or and they actually of when they have worst moments or even if they're not doing that. Someone like Kate Middleton, who was my person who I said, body goals, Kate Middleton, literally has a team of people ensuring that she looks the way she looks. And because. She's always seeing photos of herself. That's it's constant. You're constantly getting feedback like you've obviously we both experiences, you see a photograph and you're like, oh, shit. Diet starts tomorrow. I can't look like this anymore. Right? That has happened. Countless times me, Kate Middleton sees vote as a result every single day. So it's like she doesn't go a month where she's like, oh, when did that happen? Yeah, yeah, I do want to play on little anecdote a while ago, like a couple of years. Maybe not that long. I realized someone just sort of all of your. But that like celebrities, even the skinniest of celebrities wear spanks. Well, thank you for sorry. Sorry, I thought you were getting. So that is I'm telling you that's my revelation. It was like this sort of life changing thing that before I would like I have to wear spanks because nothing is like, is this a couple years ago this? I mean, we just started this podcast this year. You know it was a couple years ago and it was like one of those things that like way. So there's a lot of people who don't like even the most perfect of people that I think are perfect actually have to work to loot look like that. Like they wear spanks and they and they, you know what I mean? Well, I think the reason I think the reason thin people wear spanks is not things out a smooth. Right? But I'm just saying even for me to smooth, like it's just interesting. I didn't. It didn't didn't cross my mind. Right. I didn't. It's not a thought that I was like, oh, shameful. Like go to the big people section of Bloomingdale's and get spanks. It's like, well, I think that honestly, I don't know it a little bit less stigmatized. I think spanks are Don. At all? I love spanks. It is less stigmatizing race at all? No, it's not signifies at all. I'm saying what? What. Not not. I don't think that uses a be that everyone worse banks. I it back in the day. They weren't even call its banks that were called like control top pantyhose. Okay. Got one bought mitzvah your I was wearing them. Honestly, I've always worn control Tom, but I love that. Yeah, I just thought he was. I just remember thinking that in having it some obviously. I remember it was changing of my mind, right anyway. 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Jimmy Italian, luxury me the old way sold the new way. We are joined by shy Drome it. I always do drugs roll. A friend of course of, can you recognize her voice? We co worker coworker a colleague and influence or colleague Claudie Austria of girls. Don't ya? Hello, welcome. I can't believe him on the starts tomorrow podcast on we got. We are so excited to have you here as tied to trigger word. Is it? I keep getting in trouble and I'm like, are you kidding me? I can't even say diet. Not that I say it all the time. For everyone. You're not dying anymore. Did you guys know that? Say it all the time. Like you're really Weight Watchers changed the name to WWE like there's a war on diet. Well, diets are the worst. Yeah, for sure. All agree with shatter, but like it's a personal choice. Right, right. I'm not going to go on one, but if somebody else does agree with that that it's a personal choice. I in the beginning when we started this, I felt like I was shamed for being on a diet like I was shaming myself, but that's the thing that and now I'm on a diet, I refuse to give in to the war on diets. Even though I don't even want to go on one, I just want to give other people the opportunity to go on that. Also, the word does not have to mean diet like you don't have to be on Kito or of south gene like your diet, like right dogs on a diet of corn. I, I hope hopefully a good one. I protein. Is literally he can only have like extreme protein. Same protein. Yeah, not for me CO. My dog is like such a good reg man like so much better than me his great healthcare fed everyday. Like I'm a so poor compared to him. I also covers everything. No, my insurance in me other than to other than ten percent of a cost and like a wellness visit. What I say mature and says you, it's like really saved me. I would only pinch high deductible only reached it, I guess, because he always has a right we. So speaking of Kito I've saw on Benz or is he on Kito or he like experience. Unlike is on Kito like, but not as like a couple of months because on it as a lifestyle and to him, he's like, he has to go off of it because like you can't live like old -ly like never indulging. But I feel like recently he's been taking the indulging thing more seriously than he's taking the key thing. And now he just does it for his Instagram stories and I call him out. I'm like, you're not even on. I saw that and he just lies to everyone. So I just feel like it's my duty to now that he's like half Kito. But when he does it, he goes so seriously for like two weeks and loses ten pounds. It's so annoying, the man, it's so not fair. Like men had a better they do. It's everything. Yeah, but no, the thing with Kita. I also experienced a time where I was like Yama and Kito, but then I started indulging in that keep indulging and then it's like, fuck. And you eventually are like on a full fat diet such it's such bullshit, but it's like Jackie does Atkins, which is the same. I think is a lot of meat and bread, which sounds terrible, but and they both like they get when you're when you don't eat carbs, your body goes into Kito this. Yeah, and you have bad breath and like Ben gets the worst peo- and I'm like, I could always tell them being. Good on his dykes like he'll get home and he'll smells so bad, and he's like Froude of it. Like giant shower. He's like, no, I'm proud of minke toes. I worked hard for this. Keno go exactly the Kito breath is real. It's so I never noticed bad breath when it comes to because I also cut out carbs on me and Russi always tells me when I I'm the first person to tell you you get that breath. Yeah, several hours. So. So that explains some PG tonight ever complained about? Never not eating. Well, thanks again for coming. I I wanted to talk about this because I when I came on the toes, I was talking to Jackie about how your whole family you have three other sisters, right? We y'all, you all went to fat camp? Yes. We're, she, you guys call it. I'm not. It's like a party trick. Nobody. I mean it's supposed to be called weight loss Cam. Okay. But we went, I cannot die. No, not tight camp. It was just more like a lifestyle change down. That totally when we, we all went to camp, like for Sal. Belgian basically rehab. I've pretty much. Now, like I didn't appreciate as a kid like now. I think it'd be awesome like two months just to like have a food diet made for man, just like there's like aerobics in the morning. They can do it every one, but I didn't appreciate it back then because when I went so I was like, I don't know, twelve and I was so skinny when I was a kid like they worried about me like I used to eat whatever I wanted such a fast metabolism, and then it just caught up caught up with me. But so we were all in summer camp and a my oldest sister gained a lot of weight one summer and she like never got off and she was just like really unhappy. So she wanted to go to a fat camp, but she didn't wanna go alone. So we all went with her, like as a support system, and I just went like to me was regular camp because I wasn't on the program because I didn't need to be. So I was just chilling and then like I loved it and we went back for so many summers and eventually got so bad and had to actually be unfurled Graham, which is this I, and I'm convinced that like the fat camp made me because as a kid, like I never thought about food is anything other than like fuel and meals and just like fun. Yeah, right. And then I was in this environment that was like, so obsessed with food and exercise. And I just started thinking about it. More. And then I really feel like it like fucked me up. And then I was just like, oh food. And then I saw food is like this amazing thing. Whereas before it was just like, enter your normal. Yeah, right interested at. Okay. We've talked about this on the pockets of diets are actually the reason that you need until you going on diets. And this is, I guess, why people don't attack the word, no acted totally, but they're, you know, those peed like those friends, you have that like don't even think about food or exercise at all. It's like they're just dating so jealous right there and they don't look like Victoria's Secret models, but they are in great shape and like they don't get out of breath when they go up the stairs. Like what's that like, and it's I'm like jealous of them. Like, I don't think about it like I do the right. It's not this forbidden thing that you need to like right out about hide in your bedroom or steal candy from the batches often purse. I completely like snuck. Yeah, you never know when you just need to make sure everyone's like, but that is why what? Why embarrassed to take candy in front of like everyone know, it's embarrassing. If you look like you're trying to hide it, but if you're like open with it, like when I walked in, I'm gonna take candy. Right? And nobody thought I was being. Shady because like because then that's where you're making it weird exactly. Can't make it like last week. We had like some leftover cake. I was like, I really just wanted it was like ten AM way too early by the freezer cake. No, it wasn't a freezer. It was still fresh from it. It was so good. I was like one of those, like I missed with a good like yellowcake broth thing. That's the cheaper, the better. I know it will love fun. I wasn't. This was like a bakery. Yeah somewhere, but it was very good. And I was like, I saw I was like hunching over it like trying. Hunchback. Join more attention to yourself that way open just like took a slice with a plate and took it back to your desk, like what part of the problem? I like that that's what people do, but it was like ten AM and I was like, are people going to think of the biggest freak ever right cake and his link. This is when I want it. I don't want it later. Everyone else wanted cake too, but they just didn't wanna be the first one. So you're setting you're the boss, you set the precedent, right? Everyone could. Let them be kids exact cake in the morning. Yeah. So tell us more about weight loss camp. So it was weird because like I only really was on the program when I was like sixteen, because that's when I started to gain weight. So before it's really very similar to regular camp like you wake up at the same time. The only difference is that your first activity is some sort of like exercise. So they did like aerobics with fund music. They did for the people who were really intellects boot camp. I never did that, but for the most part, it's just the same thing as regular camp except your activities or more tailored to volleyball like everyone a supply like you can't just sit and like lay on the beach and get a tan like you have to actually play and the meals are just all portioned out for you. So it looks really like a regular camp, but nobody knows that they're starting. You write that pretty much. Sounds like my Cam, I accept the snacks like the fudgesicle were blue bunny and they had laxatives in them a whole anywhere in the Lizzy more than one and you only got one. So it was fine. But because I wasn't on the program, I could eat as much as I want. So fudgesicle day was like the best day ever and I too, and that was the first time ever that I started. I'm one hundred times laxative. It would look a lot of blue bunny products have lack citizen, and that's how they're they're like the healthy option because you really, really can't have more than one. So if you look at the back, it says, may contain laxatives, do not consume more than one or two. And I didn't care. And I was like, whatever. I thought it was like above it, you know? And it was color war when I won Colorado like so excited and literature art Ed. That's amazing. I actually have this memory of when I went to camp and like I never went to the pool. I told all of my friends that I was to like, I don't like to swim. What kid doesn't like to swim instead? I chose to play tennis. No, what I really didn't want to wear bathing suit in front of all my friends. Looking back. Like you said, I was like the skinniest person ever my God. That's the worst the way. So fucking live on photos where you felt like a beast, and I would do anything to look like photo right now, you know. And that's just like how sick my mind is. You know, I think part of it. Is that like we've also talked about Perry? Yes, twin. The tweak. And that's just not my jeans, but like I was still fairly normal and I think that I even fluctuated as a child, yes, kind of crazy. Am I think about it? But that summer I all I did was eight salads. I played tennis instead of going to the pool and had one one hundred thousand grand one hundred grand bar like for canteen my night, and I got so skinny at the end of the summer. That's when like hooked up all the. I four years of camp. I lost weight every summer because first of all, you weren't allowed to like have candy, right? But not because of wait for brats. 'cause yeah, that and they were also just like you have to do with the camp, right? Be part of the Camden. Can't just like get whatever you want is Barry. Yeah, but I lost weight like my first four summer. Wow, I, I was never one of the people who lost weight. Well, then like after that, I was so used to like losing way those after after I would eat everything and then summer after that, I started game. And then also your body like catches up with you. Like when you're a kid, you can eat whatever you want it. It doesn't work the same way like your body's like, doesn't care almost. You're like eating candy when like seventy move around more naturally. Like I wanted to move around more now. I'm like, how long can I sit for before? It becomes right. Canvas. Specially like now is like an adult every time. I think back on my memories like when I'm older, I think about like I have to go to go to basketball, like that's a far wall, right? But as a kid and my go. Basketball, let's go. And I didn't even think about the distance Nalic distances my life like I had to get out two blocks from my cab because there's construction going on right here. And I was really upset and I was like, are you fucking kidding me to avenues that's far? Yeah, evidently four regular block. It's like five minutes. Yeah. No, it was. It was laid looking. I agree with you. It's like you have to go all the way to arts and crafts and like that is like ten miles away, right? But when your kid you don't think of it like that you'll have arts and crafts. Macaroni. All the activties is fun. Like we had like trapeze the camps. I went to moved a lot and that's fun. But magin how much I can't do trapeze now. No, actually, I did. You trapeze. That thing Carrie Bradshaw did in that that so they have it. And I kept saying I wanted to do it, but never actually. I'm Ben reserved it for my birthday and like Germany to Staten Island. He was surprised. I'm like, are you fucking kidding? And we got there late. So half the class at a ready, learn the technique. So by the time we got there, they were on their third or fourth like jump and they were doing lips and tricks and okay, so I went up there and they make they make you say, stupid words because you can't say go, and you can't say no, because it's too similar. So if you want them to release you, you say, clown or rodeo, or some shit. And I obviously forgot every word. They tell me because I was so scared and that you want to go. And I'm like, go, and they're like, no. It was so infuriating and I did it and it's the most pain, my entire body weight is resting on my shoulders and I wait a lot and I'm like, I'm going on my shoulders cannot handle this. It was so painful. Ben went up and got back down. He went down the ladder. He did not do it. It was so scary, do not do it. Did you make the transfer? Of course not just like just Wonga bunch. And then I just remember being a ninja in Yam. Right? I was so the bars in gymnastics even think about, like monkey bars. I cannot God. But I used to swing on that shit like it was nobody's business? Yeah, I used to get on top of the monkey bars and like hang out like that was like the how excited like just hanging out on on the top of the thing. You really worth so much more activist children. I wonder if kids now are like that or if they just they're on their phone, they're not as bad as us like when we when now, but I feel like they're definitely more active than me, which isn't saying natural, probably like less active than when we were kids. Yes, of course. That's so sad. I know it's a tell everyone. How did you become the girl with no job. And yeah, so we're trajectory from like where I am now to like when I started, because when I started didn't know what was doing and I feel like maybe two years ago, I thought I'd like hit the thing that I was going to do, but because like Digital's always changing, you gotta stay ahead and you'd want to be like instrument. There's monster, even though that's basically what I am. I'm fine with that because I started a blogger on like legit tumbler WordPress. And I just like started this blog called girl with a job where it was like just basically a diary about. Working as an intern in New York, and it was so treacherous. And I just like talk shit about everyone, but nobody really read it and it wasn't very popular. It was just like more like self expression for me, right. Live journal is journal, but then if we're all that other people could see it and I was like, saying, really mean things about these people that I absolutely hated. So I had to delete it because like I was turned chip, I worked at necessary clothing in the for their website like they, I was an intern when I was in NYU and I use get free close like it was the best, but they didn't pay. And yeah, a little cheap. Good. Expires, there's an expiration date, but so I was working there for like six months and then I deleted the bog. It's like it wasn't really that funny and like I like doing it and nobody read it, but then I got fire. So I- redid it. I thought I was like president, and I was like, yes, I'm going to tell me log again and I changed it to grow with no job just because like I had had a job and then I got fired. So like it was just trying to be every literal. Yeah. And I think that helped like people want to read it because it's much more of an interesting name. And then I made like an Instagram. I made a Twitter and Facebook just like drive traffic to this bog, but kind of like fell into Instagram instead and was doing like fulltime Instagram influencing for like two years. Influence fulltime job. What were you doing in, you know, just like when we went to you were there when we went to New Orleans and e just like doing random shit for brands and taking trips and taking pictures mostly working from home out of my bedroom a lot, and I really did enjoy it and then I started to do and be of those days. Yeah, those those like when I think and I was like board back, then I used to be more to do, and I'm like, no, that you were making so much money and you didn't even have to do anything like I live for those days and to now, I've just kind of evolved into that like doing the morning toast and now I'm on the road doing live, show tickets, velcro, we'll know dot com. What are you doing? A live show stand up yet. It's like a volved because I always wanted to do stand up like the idea of like being on stage and people not laughing, like makes me want to die in and was enough for me to never do it, and I did it. And then I did it once I three shows at Caroline's and like I did the first show and I was like hooked on the attention and it was a ninety minute show, but I couldn't do ninety minutes of straight talking. That's like so hard. So I prepared like thirty minutes. And then I did like an interview with Ben and I played a game and it was like cute and funny. And then I've just I've since then I've done like thirty or forty shows and like it's evolved into a ninety minutes on him to go on for two hours of just straight stand up. There's just talking just talk right jokes. Yeah. Well, I try. It's hard because like the reason why I never wanted really wanted to do stand up. It's because like I'm just like funny off the cuff. Like I'm not going to write jokes. I don't Netflix like I don't even know how to write a jokes like Jews a pen. You know what I mean? And that whole concept is so weird of being like artificial like, right, right. Acting out your joke, right? It's weird about stand ups, like, right, like you're like working out your set like, yeah, and it's it's jokes. They've told before which I find to be so awkward, but it's something I've had to get comfortable with. So I would say like fifty percent of my show is already written, but then the other half, I just like do off the cuff and based on like where I am like I like to make jokes about, like if I'm in the mid west or some shit, you know, you get nervous that you're going to be like off one day. Okay. I I don't think there will ever come a time where I don't get nervous because it's the scariest thing ever, but I'm really lucky that the people who buy tickets to my show are people who like phone it, Instagram, and watch the show set like they like me already and I don't have to prove myself. Do you know what I mean? You're not on an open night night, right? Which is by the way, like I will never do and I would rather die. It's all that, right? So I'm totally cheating the system, but I'm so grateful because I couldn't. I couldn't do it like, I'm not. I couldn't just go to a comedy club and like pick up a Mike and talked to random strangers. Right? But so do you, I can picture you doing a one woman show right and like narrating I just sing a little bit because I like to say and I also have like the voice of an angel, so it's clear. It's only appropriate, but so. So how did you get over like the nerves? Like? How do you put yourself out there? Because we always talk about this on this podcast. How like the confidence thing comes with either like getting older, you're younger than us. How'd you guys? Okay, right. Thirteen hundred birthday March fourteen. Thirtieth birthday running. Think about it. Yeah. Thirties I have, but at least he was accomplished as fuck like and thirty thirty because like you're not twenty anymore. But it's also really sad when you don't have a great job and you hit your life, but you both like are very successful business entrepreneurs and you find that you're saying that stressed me out though is like, I, I don't think it's like after washing a star is born. Like tonight don't won't talk about, okay, you're going to find out tickets ready. You'll love it. But to her, she's thirty two God. Yeah. Cardi b. twenty four what she feels like a hundred. Right? We thought this was like Cardi b. and someone the same age, but at Cardi b. oriented on it and cloudy ashtray. Like ages Arianna. Yeah, but definitely not Carl's like twenty nine. She feels the ones like seventy five one hundred. Cardi's ache. It's weird because he's not mature mature, but no, she's just, I don't know what it is. She's just feels more like experience. I've gone through some shit and she's taller and has a child. Rilot looked sixteen because she's like weighs one hundred pounds in his four feet, and she puts her hair in a ponytail. Everyday, of course, she looks like a child island has a tile. I know how many one she wants to. Okay, let's relax. I know it's so crazy and she lives board right when you're that rich and famous like those things don't even impress you anymore. Literally, the only thing that can oppress he was like a human being crawling out of your vagina, right? He's got to keep doing it to entertain. Ted kids because the only thing that would like Hewitt for giving her joy. Right. Well, her mom has a lot of kids, so it's not like it runs in the family and they all like want to have a lot of kids. They're, they're, they're getting there. I think they're all going to be single soon. Totally. All of them. I read on that like blind item thing yet. Khloe broke up with tristen e. news on their instrument. They're taking a break, but they do this like two years ago. Yeah. How did I miss this? And then I read the blind item that like kylian what's his name? Travis are no longer. He's just the dad, just the dad, and I'm talking to divorce lawyer saying, oh yeah, anti lawyer and legit. Yes, right. You read it, of course, a louisan reading it since high school, and she used to try and make us real and Mike bitchy lying. I was so naive back then like I didn't know that Selena Gomez was a drug addict you now and now I do. I'm here you've got wait. So hurry have wasn't because she was just. It was issued having all kind of addiction also used to read it when he was crazy crazy, right. Yeah. But then I stopped for like a few years. I think he shot that site down like who is he? I don't know. Just this guy in his bio, it says, I'm a three hundred pounds entertainment lawyer. I have the campaign. Have pain, you beat him? No. Well, he keeps telling me that if I ever come to LA he will let me have drinks with him. So I will go, but I have. I'm actually I'm willing to to tell him, okay, I'll go. But we spoke to him on the phone twice for the podcast and he has a hot voice who's definitely not three hundred pounds. Right. I think that that is like a myth yet. He's just trying to miss peopling Robert Downey, junior. Did you ever read that like weird website, dark web site that said about all the crazy shit that happens in this days run? Yeah, that run by now. That's Downey junior. No, that's that's NT. And Robert Downey junior is one of his tipsters. So we'll go to like the Oscars and stuff and like c-. Crazy shit. And he doesn't care anymore. And he'll literally telling you about, well, how does he get paid? You know, you know, he just wants to start calls. He gets honestly. He's like made like I could pay it in just like seeing other people fight. But he brought up like crazy shit about sexual assault like member. Like when I don't know, you want it to me. Know I did send it to you. Well, I don't think it's. I think I was talking about this. I don't know, but I would like to trace back my past. You like, how overcome. Because we were saying you're younger than us. Oh, I remember that. Right. How, yeah. How does how do you get over like trolls? And he'd right and just ours, just like fucked up. Well, I'm never going to be over it. I feel like it's just like a part of life and that's fine. And I go back and forth. Like I'm always like half the time on like alum above it. Like, did you want me to respond? And I'm like really mature about it. And then sometimes if I'm having a bad day or I'm just like in the fuck in mood to fight with someone like I will respond and like I'll deliver like a great comeback, but nine times out of ten, I regret responding to them. So like I learned my lesson and maybe I'll get to a point where I don't respond to them, but for now it's like I need to look. What would someone say that you would that you would elicit a response from you? Look, some, you ignore, obviously it's it's the one, the most recent one that elicited a response to me is this girl in an I like to see it's always instrument DMZ. I'd like to see what they message me before. Like they always been hater or just like randomly decide to be like a seaward. Right? And this girl I was wearing a shirt a red shirt because I was in Alabama for show, and she was like, bread is not your color. And like all of her other messages will look in love your shoes. Where'd you get them from them? Like excuse me, right. And I was just I was early in the airport, and I was like, this fucking bitch needs to be put in our place. So I responded and I was like, she goes read is under color, and I'm like, and green isn't yours. You NBS bitch, and it was like, I and it was. I thought it was like a sick burn. And then I was just like, why am I responding to lose respond to any of my DM's like the nice ones? Why am I gonna respond to like this wench from wherever he's hiding behind her phone. You're so brave. I literally what I've done before is someone wrote me something nasty and literally give them my phone number and I'm like, FaceTime may say this to my fucking face. You're so brave behind your keyboard up on, come to your house. Give me your address. I'll get plane as people think they're so brave. Nobody would say half the shit it to be in person. It's all these weird because I would like never respond to someone public. Oh my God, like for their for their appearance. Right. And then I say to the person, like I understand the deeming your friend. Yeah, cat about, but that's the best when someone sends. Be something that actually meant to send him there while she's so ugly on. I'm sorry, I did it and I'm like, it's fine. That's think is somebody because that would totally happen to me. But like I'm like a fan of everything like TV, music, pop culture. Like when I go to Twitter at, I go to Instagram comment on it. It's always a fan way. I'm like obsessed with everything that's most of the time positive. I can't imagine being the type of person who like is obsessed with pop culture and loves influencers and like goes on their Twitter or on their scrimped, like, say something negative about it either. I hate something I want to get it out of my face. Right. I'm really wanna just talk to someone else about it, but I would never like go after afternoon who could because like also just like, who do you think you are? Right. Listen. Right, right. Okay. So so do you ever have moments where you're neither like onto cool for it or and you're also not like I wanna fight this person, but you're just like that you actually just feel badly about yourself, maybe. Oh my God, of course. And honestly, like a lot of it. This is what I always say. Like sometimes people bring up like very valid points and you know what? I'm not gonna with you, and I really feel like there's a certain amount of people who like fucking hate me and in their hearts. They think they're doing the right thing in hating me like they think that I'm like this terrible person. And anytime I wanna podcast or do you like I'm wearing a mask and then again home and I take off my mask and I worship like Eden and I'm really and they don't. I don't think they think they're doing the right thing in hating me. And that's why like literally, I would love to invite my biggest hater over for dinner to let her know like my house is cool. Like I'm not a member of the Ku Klux Klan, like they really that I'm like this evil person, and they think they're doing the right thing in hating me. So like you know, good for you, like you think you're doing the right thing, but like come over like, I'm cool. I could chill. Let's hang, you know. So I don't necessarily disagree with them like they've, they think they're doing the right thing and good for them, but like you're wrong. But then how do you because you come off as like very, very confident like you don't really give shit about what anyone thinks. Okay, that's what I'm saying. True. Yeah, right. But then. But you put yourself out there right out. Shame will. Yeah. I mean, again blatantly yes. So people it'll be. I think it's really hard to even put a camera to my race. I don't know. I never even do that. Well, I don't think that it's like without shame because I don't think that's something you can fake. So the fact Ray we're perceived, I don't. And I'm not saying that you should be shaved this perceive. Yeah, no. And I get that all the time and I never knew what the answer was because I feel like I've always just been like really comfortable in who I am, but then someone said something to be get. But then someone said something to me that reminded me of a moment when I was a kid where I was like, I'm gonna pretend to be really confident and like maybe it'll affect other people. And then I remembered I've literally been pretending to love who I am since the fourth grade. And then at some point you start to believe it fourth grade, some good advice. So I don't remember a point in ever just like stopped pretending and just like actually being competent. Right? Because being like people with confidence, like I'm so envious of and I was like, I want to be that but have because I don't. I'm not actually confident, and I literally used to pretend I'm like, I'm the shit and it'll be like s- quietly insecure. And then I think maybe somewhere in like high school, I like actually. Became really confident. I'm like, I don't even care. I am great. I should listen to. I sell any because I never even thought about confident as a kid. I never even just decided like that's something that I can have. You know, I actually think I was more confident as a kid. Well, yes, you're self aware. I like I like lost it. And like now I'm trying to personally get it back. Right because I, I don't know. Like at what point? What a way like schools tough, like no, in high school, I think I was like in some ways, more competent, maybe in college it became like became a little bit more like surface level. Insecure on like your experience, like if you were in a sorority, like I can't imagine being confident like those are mean and everyone skinnier than the other one in everyone's hairs better. And like I went to NYU I didn't have like a college like life. So I was really like into doing my own thing, but I can imagine being a part of like a sorority life is like knock great for your self esteem. Well, we were like the mean people. Are all at MIT bully. That is because I think I felt like not confident, right, and how it was a project. It's like you've are shed, earn allies. It that's like to publicly apologize because you know who you are. Say, I mean, even now, though I can't bring myself to just even turn the camera to my face, speak to the phone because I'm dressed like who wants to see what I have to say. Yeah, I guess like positive reinforcement when people do it. Yeah. I, for me at least I think like just getting positive feedback from like young girls. Oh, and then I'm like, that makes me feel so much better about it. And I'm like, okay, let's keep. Let's say even uglier angle, you know. 'cause like if people are reacting positively to it, like everything I do for the audience of everyone likes something, everyone hates it. I'll never do it again. So when I get positive feedback, like really reinforces whatever it is that I'm doing. So people are like, and I think they mean they mean it in a nice by comes off and then a little mean they're like, I love how ugly luck. And I'm like, thinking like, I know what you mean like, so you'll put yourself out there without looking. Perfect, right. And like most of the time, it's so so scary look. What's something that you hate doing that they love that you do like the baptism QNA that I love. I love it. It's so much work. And for me, like bath time has always been like, I'm. Always taking baths and like I just love taking, doesn't get him with my phone and my Alexa playing like it's just the greatest. And now it's a job like now I dread one take some non. Yes, I can't. But like every time I'm in the bath, I feel like I should be doing about ten q and because I don't do it nearly as frequently as I shouldn't people love it, and it is really fun. And now the Instagram questions, they can makes it a lot easier. But for the most part, just like try not to show my nipple trying to like also like, look, you have a skinny neck, but then also like look like I'm in the bath like it's just a lot of a lot of things going on, get someone to sponsor that I know of. I need dove in their agenda stuff, dove. I'll work on it listening, plasma Proctor and gamble. I take what I can get you to leave her. Yeah, whatever the entire company Johnson. Turning the camera yourself. Okay, I understand that, but I will turn the camera on myself, but only in a highly sarcastic and guarded way. Right. I would never say something Ernest into the camera. Okay. I would I would. I really feel no, I know. But like the good for you because that's self awareness and not enough people on the internet. Have that, like if something that important to say, capturing it in like an insincere way and your Instagram stories, it's like that's not the place for it. Like if you really have something important that you want to say, they put more thought into it, right. It'll bring light. It's hard. By making a moment camera, like if it's unimportant, like put like, that's what the end. That's the world that we live in. Like, don't take anything I say, seriously, if it's a blurry ass picture and I'm in my bed. Like if I wanted to be serious, I'll put on eyeliner not wearing right now. Right, right. Well, so what are you doing next like what do you want to keep doing? And is there anything like is stopping you from it like internally or this? Good question? Honestly, every picture that I see someone takes me stage that stops me because I'm like, damn bitch. That is so fathering you look. So I look at your the fact that you even just do the shows and I'm like, I'm envious of like just your cheer dance of because not everybody can do that, like not everybody because it's just the idea of just going on stage as one person show and just like accepting rejection or like the chance of rejection. It's scary. It's real. It's legit. Yeah, it'd be like, I'd be lying if I said I like love it. Like every time I go on stage. Like seconds before I do like this weird thing because there's like a million people in the dressing rooms. Like right before I go on, it's like the only time a Malone like talk to myself in the mirror. And I do a power and smile because the smiling, like if you're smiling, even if you're not happy like some, you just like become happy. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I like force myself to smile and then like I really feel happy like I'll be like it's really weird that it really helps. And I know the power stance has been proven, not to work, but I find that it does work. Just like do things like hot myself up. It's really weird unlike embarrassing, but then the second I get on stage like a does go away. And when I'm off stage like that was amazing. Like I want to do it again. Okay. So it's like, here's a run and he's trying to win. It's like a roller coaster like you don't wanna go on and you like, you know, you're gonna throw up then you do what your, oh, yeah, it's heroin, I imagine, but that it seems like you've been able to bring the competence that you have out for yourself, but you don't like it doesn't seem like you really rely so much on like an external thing. No. And you want to know what really helps is like all of the jokes that I tell about myself are like self deprecating. So it's like I'm not taking myself too seriously because I'm so aware to like to a fault, like I never want people to think. I'm like trying to either. I'm not trying hard enough or I'm not working, or am I doing this? And I like I look around the room like what is everyone in this room thinking about me and let me try and fix that. It's like it's, but I hate when people aren't self aware enough, like they're just being a beast and they don't know that they're being these. You know what I mean? There's a fine line. So I go on stage and like try not to have all those integrators like this person over here is like thinking because there's a lot. Girls come with like their boyfriends who are like, you know, barstool alike. They couldn't be less interested in my show and they were dragged there and like makes me insecure. And I'm, I crave the attention of the boys and like I want you to laugh like I'm doing it for them. Do you know what I mean? It's like so stupid. I'm so in my head, right. It's also it's hard because like some people like what you do. Some people do some and everyone has sort of like their own specific opinion, and it's just not possible now change them all. And then I feel like once you let go of that, which I have not like your way lighter, I can imagine. I don't know. But I don't know if anyone really fully let me neither. To be honest, it seems like it can kinda does d I it because I feel like for a while she was doing what she thought everyone wanted her to do, what they like, what he news wanted her to do. And now ever since like she got robbed like she's the only doing shit like she wants to do, but I feel like she like the way she hundred gram. I feel like she's, oh, she's out of control on its yes, more like hers person. Okay. Well, like she's the type of person she's obsessive being skinny. Yes. Right. And she embraces that like an everyone gives her shift for it. Like when she endorsed those appetite suppressant lollipops like she is obsessively skinny, like on the show of any of the girls call her skinny. She's like dies. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Like good for you? Like at least she's not hiding behind. The people are so afraid to like wanna be skinny these days, apologize. Yes. Trek sick or no, she put a picture of her scale on she hit like one nineteen or something which hasn't hit since she was like, I don't know twenty. Yeah, and she was like celebrating it and it was like insensitive. Okay. I read one nineteen. I would with myself appropriate, but here's the thing insensitive. I can imagine a prayed. I can't imagine why one hundred nineteen pounds. Is that like every not everyone. I don't wanna say everyone and I get that. It might be a bad example like feel like you need to be one hundred nineteen pounds if that's not like healthy, but let's not pretend like the whole world doesn't count of her ball around that, right? So it's like you're not allowed to want to be skinny, but the only people who are successful or get what they want or wanna be models and actors way. One hundred pounds exact right? Just side breath. So I just wanna play. So I just want to point out. She is like five one, two and one hundred nineteen. If you go by the government, whatever the BMI scale, that's a healthy, you're supposed to be like one twenty five look unhealthy to me now, even though she is very thin and no, she doesn't love. It's that big, Buddha, like you would never think she's on healthy 'cause she's storing food for winter. I think things hibernating there. She just got to get rid of for someone who soaps Cecil being skinny. I'm surprised she hasn't got rid of it because it's like the only part of her that's not like proportional super small, its course implants over years that have grown on themselves or something. She worked so hard to be skinny and everything. She does her photos, everything so filtered like she's obsessed with thanksgiving, like just can't believe you're asking you literally look and by actually getting rid of harassment. Probably take off probably eight pounds of like ceremony while eleven yet. Right. Like, why wouldn't she do that? Yeah, and I don't. I don't like think that fake asked looks good, terrible guys like it. Yes, to a certain point like her, they look stupid. Yeah. Like when when when she was getting famous and she had like a chubby booty and it was like really cute and she like the thighs to support it, like everyone loved that. That's a look. She got out of natural with wanting to be skinny. So she wants tiny legs, but then she wants to ask if you've been asked that big like you need load-bearing legs. She does not have like Janine sunlight for an ethics and she doesn't hold. It sticks weird. I don't get home. She okay, everyone get cellulite. It's just leave. I'd actually just like chrome. You know, it's literally going to take down like one of those like you press the button, right? Boats may buckle. That's what's going to happen. Like I don't. Okay. How does she not have cellulite though? Like everyone, Jamie, everyone. Brazilian body sculpting. We're like, they literally, I did cool sculpting ship. It doesn't the sane yoga. It's not the same, but I won't get it now. I was thinking about it actually. Everyone don't do it. Okay. I'm a huge waste your money. Oh, good to know up. Jackie's really been wanting to do it. I'll tell her tell her. No. Okay. Although one of my friends did get it and like it happen like in a weird way where she only got like one AB to show. Like worse lawn yet. She, she's like, I'm very confused what's happening to my body, very pro, things like that. Like if they work like, I just got my neck done and it was the most incredible thing I've ever done. So I was like, okay, so I was going back and forth on cable. I've heard like really mixed reviews. I'd heard that like if it works, it worked really well, but sometimes people have gone through it and it doesn't work. And then I also heard it is so painful like they inject you and I, I heard a girl talking today should again injected like six times usually to does the trick, but I have very low tolerance for pain. So I was like really nervous to do it, but I would look at pictures and like I'm very competent and I really like embrace who I am, but like the double chain really fucking bothered me and I wasn't willing to embrace it like I'm willing to embrace all my flaws except for that one. I wanted to change it. So I was, I may Jackie come with me and we went to Ramona singers doctor because my Ramona looks insane doing and like she looks Annie's risky looks. Kirsch is no wrinkles renewal. I want to know what it is. And so she goes there on housewives who doctor is is like it's like search Google. We found it. We made an appointment and she had like a cancellation the next day. I went and I was telling her like my quandary with type. I don't know if I should do it with me and she was, I don't do it. I really don't recommend it, but she had a patented surgery and she was like, I'll show you pictures and the pictures like look too good to be true. And she's like, basically, it's outpatient liposuction. So it's like, not only will I go in with a needle and suction out like the fat from your neck. She so smartly she, she's like, I'm going to take out the fat from like your jowls and your lower Haight exactly down your face and because I'm only twenty four. She's like the elasticity when you take it out, your face will bounce back up. Like I knew I had a double chin, and then you might face was round, but I couldn't attribute the problem. It was Louis the fat in my lower cheeks. So the next week I went and they give you a shot a valium and I'm like, knock it on drugs. I was for wreaking out and like I was literally having a reaction like screaming at my lungs, but I was like, don't stop. Don't stop and. Her, it didn't hurt because I was completely numb and fucked up. But I heard what was going on in like that freaked me out like when she was having a conversation. Yeah. 'cause he's not. Not it's not real surgery. No. I mean, she was performing on my next look. I couldn't see, but I saw her the nurse and they were talking sheets? No. What is the? What did you hear just. I heard like clanging tools like it was weird and it was it was freaky. But like I was like, it's all for the greater good, keep going, keep going on. And then I was really swollen. And they put me in this thing and it takes three months for like the full result. And I think I've just hit the three month Mark and she took before and after pictures. And I was just like, oh my God, like it is amazing. Like I'd have like a slim neck now, and I was like, never slim neck person and I just love it. It's like really like made me out of control in terms of my confidence. Like, I'm, I'm dangerous. Like I'm so out of control and it's just it's changed my whole outlook on life and I'm and now. And now now I used to be the type of person where I'm like, whoever you are, like whatever you look like, just embrace it, and that's great too. But like that's really hard and sometimes like it's okay to want to fix the things you fucking just about to say that literally more power to you for doing it and emitting this ugly and it needs to go. It's unrealistic for people to say, embrace everything about yourself, your perfect the way you are when the that thing is right, everyone's telling you it's not the the added pressure of like, oh, now I need to accept right. And what's like what is considered beautiful now, only people would skinny necks. So I had to, I had to conform, I think, with plastic surgery or any type of procedure like just don't jump if anybody's considering it, just don't just do it the next day after you decided, you know, but I feel I know you've been thinking about it for a while. My to do research. I just mean like, oh, you noticed something about your face and you're just like, oh, I need to get that removed tomorrow. A great sit within like, I've been sitting on Bo talks for a couple of months, and I'm going to do it because I had this fucking line in the middle of my forehead and. Bothers me so much. And now you're looking at. Reading as you. I also got botox for the first time and they it's important to get it before the line gets worse because it's preventative up your, they don't fuck up. Basically tranquilize them your muscles so that it doesn't create the line. Even more the line is your skin. Yeah, I'm going to. I need to get that line to get rid of my Harry Potter scar, but let me say she fell, but it's like it's like a sound like a scarlet I has color to it. That would be bad. Oh, yeah. No, I think it's a lightning bolt, so I remember it. I like it. I remember that that's the kind of thing you can embrace yet. Now, double Chen is bothering me that much. And can you show us the before picture later? Yeah, I have been wanting to post it, but like it's so I can't believe I was walking around with a face like that. I'm like embarrassed of the before, but I'll show you guys. Yeah, I doubt any bad. It's bad. I wanted to go away. Yes. Well, the thing that you got to get the jobs. The chin changes. The thing that I wanted changes your whole face. That's what Bella Hadid got Johnson. I want to many right, but I think it was that plus the cheap filler biller when you're skinny, that's hard about being a models like they make you be one hundred pounds, but you also need like a fleshy face that has like red like undertones and you can't do that when you don't eat, you get like ghost face where like your skin, six, your bone. So they all have to KENDALL space. You could tell every six months you like redoes puffiness. So she starts out really puffy and then like a couple months later, she'll like look a little bit more normal because when you're that skinny, like you can have a like a beautiful fleshy colorful face you. And you have no fat in your face. So it was life changing often looks very puppy to. It's like she doesn't fit. She looks puffy. It's like she just got her fillers redone and they still need to settle in. Right. Is the puffy from the injection? Yeah, junk. She gets filler. She definitely gets her lip done. I don't know. A lot of them get like fat from their ass injected to their face, like Samantha Jones. Also Bella some. Okay. Do you see this photo of Bella? It was like pretty recently. She was wearing like, yes, of course. Of course, her hips, like of course, out of control SCO, what the but I don't know. Just like literally the mold of Barbie. No, totally their organs like had to move lace definitely did. How did she achieve that? I don't know. You can't just make, honestly. I have no idea, and she looks amazing because she waste drained by trainers, really do move around your organs. Do they yet? You're also they're really, but I really wanted do. That's the name of this podcast. I heard it's really bad for you, but if you're going to know another thing with like your ear, rub the back of your ear like makes you not hungry, but it's like so bad one brain. No, I've heard that if you rub the back of your you calm down. Okay. No. There's also one about hunger, but it's like terrible. I don't. I don't know if it's like you like touching a part of your brain. I don't know. Yeah, I thought that was like the crease is like touching a part of your. I'm not a doctor. I don't know. I always. So what else do you have? So I like about twenty minutes ago. What else do how she doesn't have a minute shined even what other surgeries or no. Know what? What are you have going on in the girl with no job. So we're, we're hitting the road. I'm going to Atlanta this weekend and I invited Brielle Biermann to my show. And she said she answered my mom and she was like, yes, you might have Ariana's homecoming. So she has to check make sure she come. But I told her, I believe tickets for herbal call. One saw her on park at the Starbucks on parking twenty eighth and she was carrying a good Starbucks. Yes. She was carrying like four like Frappuccino and like a tray, and I was like, those offered you there. I'm so hopefully she comes cross your fingers and I'm just torn around the world through January and we do the toasts live Monday through Friday, ten thirty AM eastern time. And what else is going on. Both my sisters are engaged. I really meeting and like, thank you. But like executive for me because I need you dresses and like they both need to make me look like kittens getting how long the weddings. Like a decent time, six months Suva while gay. I'll get to work soon. Where's Jackie? O? I guess you can't say told me later. Jogging. John like so private. I'm like for me, I was like, I put my vagina everywhere. Like, I don't care, but he's like reserved and I don't want to speak on her behalf. If she doesn't want me. I forgot we what I never know what she wants you to say. So I just like I don't say anything she she wants to reveal. So for someone with no job seems like you have a journal so busy so busy, but like not that busy. Thank God says they're so busy. They're never like that. I consider busy out of the house be too so like, but I can be in my house and be very busy and working nonstop and like make a million dollars, doesn't feel like work, but me sweating out here like walking getting on mcadoo blocks away. Like this is work. Yeah, right out of the house is worked. So I'm I worked twenty four, seven, but like only the hours I'm outside to account is like hard work. I agree with that because you have to like something about your home. That is. That's challenging. It's challenging. I think in my home, it's like the womb just all safe and like my dog dog like I completely agree. I have all my locks. To the bed, and then you leave going on in the world and then you're like, why did I leave? And there's all these, like, how do I get back there? I always regret leaving my house, like whatever it is the case. I don't care like I'm like, no, I I like to make each into, but there is only part of me that's like, okay, but like my bet is their right. It's not even my bed. It's like, unless I'm going on vacation with everyone that I know in love like I don't. I'm not interested. Do you know what I mean? Right. Everyone's on vacation like me and Ben went on our up to Mexico for our one year anniversary and it was great. But like everyone was back home in like I was missing out like if it's Christmas and everyone's gone, like I could relax because there's nothing going on at home that I need to have foam about. I'm going to Dominican in two weeks. You're going to want to come home the whole side. No. Going to a beach for like a past year? Yes, dying God. When are you getting married by the way next in August of that's nice time to get married that hot. Yeah, thanks. So it's gonna be hot as fun. What rusty to wear velvet. Poor rusty wants to wear velvet, but I was. He was like, should I? Everyone tells me, no, I'm like. No, you're good. Dog to get the photos. Here's the thing I I had like, no. And then I, I was like, no, you don't have to don't worry about it, and he's a sweater and to. And so then I look look done some fucking blog that select velvet is like, and it was like, all right, we're, we're, we're going back to say, so. Yeah, Delvin chic. It is guy. We all agree. Okay. These a few shirts. Well, thank you. So. Yeah, this is great, fine. Obviously, everyone knows to follow it at grow with no job job where the morning toast girl, throw job dot com or my tickets to send to my DMC. Something nice and positive about me. Everybody stays only knife that's the missing homework for the week. Yeah, something nice to. So when you hate. You say nothing at all? I really everyone did it, so I'll have to talk to come up with something night. You would say nice to someone because not like I don't want, I'll have to Jacob Sartorius because I fucking that everyone's needs. All right, great to know that was fun guys also don't forget to Prieur our book. When's happier? Cloudy is on the back of it's the closest I'll ever get your writing a book and it's like my claim to fame I'm going to rip off the back Freeman. Yeah, so everybody should get it and an Email us if you have any questions for Claudia for us for anything, just feedback. DSP a budget dot com. All right, bye. Gene.