you're listening to inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. I hope you had a glorious week. I hope you enjoyed. I hope you're enjoying the show. This year This big episode for us because this is the first video. Look at that. We're actually seeing us. This is great as long as you're on Youtube. Yeah as long as YouTube. You're listening. Yeah because you're still listening to the Chris Ash. Watch listen to this which is very important we can also then go subscribe to the Youtube and in watch it as well later when you're home from work and you have nothing to do with your lives like me. You know I wrote a whole bunch of stuff of stuff that's going on. I WANNA always say. Thank you to you guys out there the listeners. I think I've said it a million times but you got to because the reason we're here you that are loyal and see those same downloads. Every Tuesday when they pop up immediately on. My people are still listening thing. God I say that because I love it I love Dune. This love talking to people. I I love learning about myself. I love opening up becoming more being more vulnerable and watching my guests be more vulnerable. And that's been really great. A lot of people said don't do video because they won't open up as much and I disagree completely. Oh Yeah Oh yeah I like it. So far it's weird like being on camera. I mean not weird for me maybe for Ryan. So what a way to. What do I do a lot of great stuff going on again? I want to say thank you you subscribing tell your friends. Get them to subscribe Patrons patrons out there are frigging wonderful. Mentioned the troll your names you know who you are but everybody on their really supports the show when you get money to the show it really. It's you know we're not like the biggest show out there. We're not Rogan and great. I'm not comparing him. To saying you. Know where the little caboose the could and we WANNA really just launch this thing we want to keep doing it and make it grow member the Little Greg caboose. Well the thing at the back. That doesn't engine so engine. Yeah Fuck thank God. You're here. I'm an idiot. I will be in Mexico in March Limo Mexico. Three days or small is some of the SMALLVILLE. Guys are going to be there. I'm doing a live podcast guys. I'm saying right now. You're hearing it. Lie podcast in Austin Texas. This is going to be pretty incredible. It's a place called the north door in Austin seven. Pm On march thirty first. On Tuesday night my guest Zach Levi. So you know from Shas. Am Shock. He's been on the show before. We're GONNA Take Down Austin so please get your tickets. I'm GonNa tell you where to get those tickets. Well here. It Says H. T. T. P. Colon slash slash inside of you live dot com It will redirect you your tickets. Twenty five bucks if you get him now. Also if you go to margin Walker presents dot com it will lead you to there to its margin. Marta an so check it out. It's going to be a really fun night. I'm going to get out there with with xactly vine. Hopefully maybe I'll have some shirts by then you know. Give some prizes and really have a good time excited about it. I'm not I'm not nervous. I'm excited it's just live. I don't know if I can bring you think it's too costly. That's fine maybe we'll figure out how to sit alone in the dark. No you won't what happens. You just turn the lights off. Marriages STAY JESUS. Great guests today You've seen him as Superman you've seen him in the legends of tomorrow. That's right. He opened up. I could tell he didn't want at first and then he just kind of let it go and talked about. You know how he didn't really like how his how he acted in a certain way and you know maybe it was. Immaturity was getting old. I it was just sometimes life kick in the ass and it makes you wake up. I've gone through it. Most people go through or they'd be you know I think if you don't have these revelations or these or become vulnerable or I don't know man it's it's it's amazing will win. The hand of fate takes you. You just let it and he let sit out. He'll he tells you about the adversity faces and I think you're going to really enjoy the sworn I haven't seen him this open so I hope you guys enjoy it. Let's get inside my buddy brandon. Ralph it's my pawn. You're listening to you inside with. Michael Rose Bah the inside of you with Michael. Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. Welcome to my podcast. This is Michael Rosenbaum and this is inside of you in today's guest. Look at that. I guess is taking Pictures Brandon. Ralph thank you for allowing to be inside of you You know you ask permission so I did a few times. I didn't bug you right. You didn't feel like I was ever bugging you like. Oh Shit I appreciate what I did. Notice was that you wanted to make sure that I didn't flake and forget which I appreciate because that happens quite a lot. Does it happen with actors with yourself or does it happen with hosts of things? I think it's guests. You WanNa make sure you know that that it's that it's happening. I I tend to worry. Sometimes that plans I've made are gonNA fall through with. Somebody forgot her. You know because I think with with the Cell Phone. People don't make concrete plans. Well not only that but if you tech somebody you said. Yeah. I'll do that. Sometimes I just forget that I I didn't hear it McGowan county. Of course I wanted to do it. I've had that where somebody doesn't show up and right now and I have to sort of improvise happened right. You call your car your special guests who comes in and sits in when you're missing your guests like they do in all the tacos. Yeah I'm usually that special guest recurring guest. Hey Rosie are you available at two o'clock now let yeah. Yeah we to be a gas you. Obviously someone cancel. That's why you're calling. Well you could do it yourself. It's just different side interview different thing. If someone doesn't show just go and I I just ask a question go there. Sit Down and you'll just edit it just talking about you interview a different side of yourself by the way we rolling cameras and ask some questions and I do this and I do. You know. We wouldn't be able to use the wide shot. I know unless you know some. Cgi but you get asked to do these things a lot to get asked by people. Hey where you do interviews where you do Podcast A lot Yeah it's become one of the most popular ways to to talk and have a conversation. I frankly enjoy them. It's much more exciting when I have time to sit down at length and speak about things versus you know regular TV interview or intends to be very five minutes through quick also they have. They have an agenda right. They have their agenda for entertainment. And I have this thing. I have to plug in their canned answers to a degree in. Not as it's not as creatively Engaging and exciting you seem I think you are. You're pretty much a private person. Your private guy right over the media doing things doing stupid things getting yourself in trouble you at a party or you. Don't go out and get drunk. You have a wife you have a kid. I just raiders at my house for myself right. Yeah and my wife but I was wondering what did he do some lists. Because I'm sure the media you just heard about all the Stephen stuff and I was just listening to a little bit but not all of it. The first twenty five minutes almost hit the part where he had a panic attack and I told him I said Look I get rid of it. You just can't let me listen to it. He listened to it. Goes I WANNA come back? WanNa finish it and it was really important because all my listeners and maybe more maybe people more people listen because this is a guy that you look at you like an actor. He's hit TV show. He plays a superhero. He's beautiful looking great body even wrestles on the side. He's got millions of dollars. How can this Guy Getting Zaidi? How could this guy get You know people don't think about it and most people like Oh actors you know this this whole thing you know. They get paid a lot of money. They don't do. This guy was working twenty three episodes. You guys are doing all these crossovers things and he hit a wall and I can tell when I was talking to because they interviewed him before the show just anyway he decided look. I'm coming back. I'm going to do this. And he was much stronger than a great place and we talked about. I let him listen to what he said and it was not an he was and I let him know go. Listen you know people want they want to do this thing on people People and he's like. Yeah you WANNA quote something you'll have to. He's like yeah immediately. Sent me back a quote re tweeted. He was like I was amazed by his bravery. Yes that's incredibly brave of him to be open enough to have that to let it be part of the conversation. Which yeah you know. The stigma and all of that meant to help thankfully has has started to shift in a lot. More notoriety and news and and exposure. It's something we all. We all have to deal with everyday when we wake up. Yes how are you going to attack the day? Are you conscious of how you going to attack today? Do you just wake up. How do you live life? You know. That's a good segue into do you feel like you're spreading yourself thin ever? Do you ever feel like you ever look at your wife because in the interview he says you know my wife She's like hey I wanted to go see someone I mean. He's not doing. Today's he's not eating on the couch and say I heard that. Yeah do you ever get like Shit Ma'am I played superman and now I'm GONNA show I'm playing you know a character. I don't want anybody to see if vulnerability to the side of me that they'll be like oh he's not capable of play. Mistral. He can't handle it if I if you see any weakness you know. Do you ever feel like that or have you in years where I am no matter how nervous you are or Exhausted or whatever it is you just suck it up and that you're absolutely fantastic. I don't think I always suck it up and pretend that I'm absolutely fantastic. If I'm tasked with that in an interview and to go on and promote something yes I will. I will do that but I mean what you're asking is multiple answers in pen and aspects. I I tend to question. I would say that the end of my run. A Superman and superman returns. That did not that. That did not pan out the way I thought it was going to everyone around me thought it was going to and so I had to really come to terms with a lot of that When there was no sequel you know the movie was widely route. Well reviewed people like to like the movie but it made almost four hundred million dollars worldwide. But that wasn't enough and it was a very slow fizzle out of the possibility of a sequel over the next two three years And I did my. I could do that. I thought in in a in in in my world to help make it happen Which is a story for another time or this time more to mental health. We could go back on that but you know I I think at that point in my life. I still didn't know that I had that. I was anxious that I had that. What anxiousness really was or that? I had it that anyone could experience anxiety. Yeah did you believe? Can you believe that you just? Did you ever see anxiety there see? I don't think this curve. Let it in. You know there's a there's a whole thing about go back and look at my child anybody's childhood and we all grew up a certain way believing certain things and seeing the world in a way and I pretty much saw rainbows and Hartson rainbows And made everything that I didn't want to be that wasn't hearts and rainbows into Hartson rainbows. It's called bypassing right. So I grew up in a culture of of bypassing Spiritual bypassing using God or using something else. It's going to. It's going to be okay because just give it to God and and it. Will you know everything will be? Okay because of that right which is a very can be very calming right. It's a way to like okay. Don't worry about this but but that catches up to you eventually right because then you're only living life in in in white and life is black and white can't have one without the other. I. It's essential for life. Yeah and you know through through multiple career experiences and showing me that I have an opportunity to learn more and through my wife. Courtney Ford has been an amazing Help Guide in in finding balance in the she was with you through that whole thing. Yes she was she if you didn't have her went when you had superman returns right. Yeah because you met her in two thousand and two Two three three solid very close. But you know I always think. How do you get through things? Yeah there's so many things death you know you're supposed to be on the sequels and then that didn't pan out here and if you don't have anybody to vent to or really go deep be vulnerable in real and you just deflect like fine. I'm fine go drink or go out and party. You're just prolonging the inevitable. What's happening is distraction distraction distraction. Listen three years later or two years later a month later you start to feel things and you came from. But why do I feel this? Why don't they get so upset about that? Why was my response? And you have no idea. And then it's lost in translation you don't even know why you're upset and then through whatever therapy or you realize it's coming all from that all these things that. I kind of tucked away down so it's nice that I you know I was doing some reading and I do that. Occasionally but reading But just I noticed. Courtney was the theme according the sort of the running theme that was just like a see how important she is to you. I I very very openly speak about it. Yeah At this point in my life. I understand the great value That I that I've received the lessons that I've that I've been able to to to learn from her. I mean we've both we've both learned from each other but I but I've seen from my perspective. I see that. See the devas deficit that I was experienced in my life up until that point as far as understanding balance in in life. And you know. She knew me she knew me best. Then she knows me best now and so going through. That whole trauma of Superman returns the end of Superman returns was a long drawn out process of me in denial for much of it and thankfully. I guess I didn't. I didn't lean on drugs or alcohol partying. I've played warcraft endless. I see yeah and that was my addiction And then you know a few other games along the way but but that was where I lost myself and spent way too much time. It took me a long time to come to terms with that that that was an addiction to beat the game. I the worker still. Don't wait a minute. There is no beating it Is there not I've ever played? No you can't beat it just goes on and on no you have to go on and on forever. Right right has designed to do and You know that that was my. That was my therapy question right right and but it wasn't helping me you know it was. It was a coping mechanism. But it wasn't teaching me things until I finally came. You know had several experiences where I had to come to terms with that. And so she was. He was part of that now. I have a better understanding of what happened. Then looking back and go okay. I took way too long to get this point but finally I achieved that level up as far as Balance my next phase was realizing what I had messed up warehouse where I had screwed up liberals screw up the screw up was still learning. What the script was that flooding right deflecting? But why was deflecting? And and in the deflecting I had built up this ego of of who I was and also it was fear deflecting out of fear. Okay so I was deflecting fear because I played. Superman jumped this huge to the front of the line. I done auditions and I've been on stuff before but I really jumped from the line when I did that movie. And then I wasn't given what I thought I was or had earned was getting offers a forever kind of an apt way of looking at things because I know because we feel like we deserve this irving and it's it's hard to it is ego and it's hard to imagine like that that takes time to change your way of thinking. Doesn't it a very long time? I was told by my represented as everyone thought it was going to be a big deal. Right that's what happens. You do big movie in the new do other. I read that. Actually your agent took you on. Because it's like you look sort of like resemble Christopher Reeve so I'm going to have in my back pocket because he's destined to play that role. Is that sort of why he became your agent. Well originally that was what he said to me. Then I no longer. That agent dropped me after I got after I fired soap operas on back in two thousand one anyway so they missed out on that day. Sure did but that didn't happen when the only offers I was getting more horror movies which I did not love the way. Look Around Your Fright Night Dracula over here. Rudy isn't a horror movie but you know yes. It's a wonderful movie and all these other offers and things for projects that I didn't that weren't in line with what I wanted to do. And not a lot but they but what offers were coming in worth for things that I just had no interest in and I didn't see them moving my career for it in in the path that I wanted. I had to audition for things and there were things that came very close that there that I was working with students. That just didn't they didn't pull out if they were in production. It didn't happen couple of the things that just didn't happen But by and large I was not qualified auditioners. Who is the worst thing in the world? It's better now. I feel like I'm better now. I have more confidence in myself and many other things that kind of help make that better right But I was I was not a good auditioners except for things that I was really right for right. Which is why you get the things you really right anyway so I. I didn't do the work. I didn't read scripts well enough. I didn't I I was. I was halfway out the door every time I was going in. So then I was probably creating a bad reputation for myself with casting offices and producers and things and so but I was in denial of all this for for for quite a while and they had great opportunities thankfully that came along with Zack and Miri and Count Smith's You know and and Scott Pilgrim just talking about that. Yeah loves it. I got to see that it's really a lot of my friends have seen. They love that so I got to see that. That's a class worthwhile movie. All right I'm talking about and then with chuck and so it had things you know. Thankfully kept me afloat and learning along the way but it wasn't until I really Till I really understood that I needed to start again that I needed to relearn things and Relearn how to relearn but I had to go back. Had to go back and actually learn how to audition for myself and re engage myself and really become part of the process and fully looking back. I can call it surrender. I can say that I had to surrender to the process and surrender to the fact that I had to audition and became disciplined. That sounds like yes. I started to work hard. And so that started you know. The first thing that started was happened. I after I took on that mentality was I got the pilot the Sitcom that I did call partners in two thousand twelve and that was a wonderful experience in love to be still doing it to this day but we did thirteen episodes and that was the end of that then shortly after that was opportunity for for for era. And I you know they they brought in a had a meeting with producers but then I had to go back and read with wonderful Emily rickets and and did a chemistry test with her and so I had to prove myself. That's the thing you always have to prove yourself and I'm like listening. It's funny because sometimes I think I'm GONNA have nothing in common with people And then you start talking. We all have things that are in common like there is an ego. Ego is such a big part of everyone's life that they have ruined a lot of opportunities and I remember I had opportunities. But it was egos lackadaisical plan. I don't WanNa go learn this. I I just sort of embarrassing look back. I'm like you fucking pompous. Little Shit for you to go. You know. You have an audition with You know Tom Hanks or something. I mean I worked on that one but You know goodwill hunting and saving private Ryan and I remember those like the night before party. I was a kid I was like twenty six and I was like I'm GonNa go. I didn't get a shit. I wasn't mature and by the way maturity isn't something that is in my vocabulary but I'm very responsible and you know it takes time. You say it takes time to sort of like look back and go. Hey this is this is where I was fucking opposite. This is why and you learn you learn. Things have talked about this before but I I wasn't relearning. I had. I had to learn all these things I had to learn all the things that I didn't learn a child and so there's a lot of grown up and I've done probably in the last the most in the last year and a half of just between doing this podcast in like talking to folks like you and and so just sort of digging deep Mike. It's funny because I'm watching your late. There's still things that you're figuring out we're all figuring out but when when you look back and you think deflected I started playing warcraft. My Wife's doing this did you. Do you remember even having any breakdowns? Any emotional moments any like crying spout bouts of like a just like guy. What's the matter with me I'm emasculating? My you know? Did you ever feel like that? Yeah I mean I'm not GonNa go into detail because that's a you know but but there was a moment and that was the moment when I when I when things started to change crying sobbing on the floor because I was I was shown I was finally. I find myself to come. I was in a vulnerable enough place. I guess to come face to face with with how people saw me so I had that you have this vision of who you are right. And then there's how people see you and when those two things are incongruent when they don't come together they don't match up you look in the mirror and what's looking back at you as other person's reflection of who you are as like what. Wait a second. I don't know there for a long time ago. They're wrong they're they're wrong. It's not me right. I know who I am but if you really allow that to see that second commute overstating oh Ho. Whoa I was. I was really idiot. I sincerely hurt people and I made an incredible amount of mistakes. But I'm a good person and I mean well so that was part of I. Part of my ego is well person I mean. Well I'm doing. I'm doing this to help somebody but some people sometimes people don't want help with. I don't want the help that you are giving them. You can still hurt somebody by helping them. You're in you can still you can am. I can't give you an example right now but definitely happens that you can have good intentions but still hurt. People and I was in a cycle of that to to degree of not understanding that I was doing that right. And then you were all of a sudden hit with a more like. I'm a martyr right but it was. I was just kind of screwing some stuff and then it became a reality to you. Would you had been doing like and we really genuinely honest with yourself and that sort of when the breakdown happened. Yeah that's sort of when you were like I'll tell you what I get itself like self loathing. Yes like I've had interviews like people don't love themselves I get it because I've been there I know it. It's like you know what I don't like myself. I actually remember looking in the mirror. I'm not kidding I tell you this right. No I remember looking in the mirror going. Who the fuck are you man like like filming? They'd think I was crazy person and maybe I was. Maybe I am the fuck are you did. Who the fuck are you and I really look at myself. It wasn't like I was doing this all the time. It was just like this would happen occasionally every couple months. Just go wash my face and I brush my teeth and I kind of look in the mirror and I go look close like I just. I'm trying to put together like I really don't know myself. I don't what do I do like what do I do? I don't have courtney I don't have you know so mine was there was like going fucking duck and I'm going to take him as an owner. Find me and I wanNA live the last twenty thirty forty fifty years going. Hey now I got a grip of who I am and that by way. That's that's horrible. I mean I've had those breakdown moments I've had those breakdown moments in the shower like it's a comedy like if people were filming it'd be like Air Supply and I'm on my knees naked with water around me and I'm just bawling and I'd start to laugh after the thinking of that I'm all out of love and serve naked fucking naked idiot. What's wrong with you? You know and do that. That duck and hits home. It doesn't if you just pay attention to it long enough you'll you'll have to address it. Yeah that's self awareness. You know we look in the mirror all the time. See if we have you know anything in our teeth or what hair looks like. We're not really looking and seeing what's behind the is what's WHO's there. Who's in control? The brain control or ms our higher nature in control. Aren't we just a mammal or are we a human difference that sets US apart from pretty much? All mammals is that we have this ability to think on a higher level. How self-awareness in our PREFRONTAL CORTEX with us. As far as we know that we know that we know we just do things we we can understand are aware of what we're doing we're we can be. We can be aware of the or do. Most of humanity is not aware of what they're doing. They're just doing it on every once in a while they check in autopilot mishear. What's going through the motions? Autopilot done that until these big moments either. Happy or sad hits you and you go. Whoa an you. You're forced to either step out of that autopilot or not. But when you're able to step out you go holy Shit. This is. What is real? And what isn't real? What am I in control of and what am I not in control of? What is this human experience? What am I here for? What am I doing? Why working fourteen hours a day. Yeah not seeing my family. Or what have you make money? Maybe there's always reasoning making money. Why am I doing any of this? Why am I for my child for my role searching for the purpose? And we're we're going a little bit from Intel is but this is all part of it. What is the purpose of? What is the purpose of life? And I certainly don't have an answer for everyone inside of you is supported by better. Help online counseling. You're talking to someone who goes to counselors. Who GETS GOES TO THERAPY? Who tries to do everything to improve his life? That's me this is the perfect Sponsor for our show. We all know that. Sometimes life is stressful. It's hard it is no matter who you are. I don't care who you are and we could all use help and some people want private help and they want Sometimes it's too expensive Better help offers. Licensed counselors who specialize in issues including depression anxiety complicated relationships grief. All this stuff Ryan. We get overwhelmed right. what do you do for when you're overwhelmed but I'm overwhelmed. Yeah I mean I think I have a scotch is what I do. That's probably not the way to go. Probably not now. You gotta deal with things you can connect privately with the counselor through text chat phone video calls and get help on your own time. Joan pace an affordable rate inside of you listeners. Get ten percent off the first month with discount code inside. It's a good deal. It's I think everybody needs a little therapy. A little help and better help online. Counseling is the place to go. That's better help dot com slash inside. Remember inside of you listeners. Get ten percent off the first month with discount code inside. Why not get help? Better help dot com slash inside inside of you is brought to you by squarespace idea. Friends of squarespace Ryan. Who isn't a nice to know that with squarespace? You can turn your idea to cool website. It's amazing these guys. Squarespace have beautiful templates created by world class designers. So they're there for you most. You're not going to know where to go. These guys are going to give it. It's all right there for you to understand. I like that twenty four seven award winning customer service men that that's right there that stands out Ready to start a new business. Make it standout get started with squarespace. Think it dream it make it with squarespace head to squarespace DOT COM for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch us the offer code to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain that squarespace dot com. Enter Code I owe you something now. You're talking about purpose purposes and just something you're born with and maybe you are born with it but you're just not aware of it. Most people aren't aware of their true purpose that true calling and it's usually the hand of fate or whatever happens throughout life. Eventually you get to a place hopefully young enough where you're like. This is what I'm destined to do. I'm destined to. Maybe I'm destined to just talk to people in open up and help other people who are listening. Maybe you know my real destiny lies in. I mean whatever but sometimes it takes a long time and I think it's taken me a long time. Yeah it's a double edged sword. I think because you can. You can kill yourself pursuing your purpose in the pursuit of your of purpose And the belief that there has to be a purpose some great purpose in the pursuit of of of of purpose and meaning in life. We do a lot of bad things. Sometimes I mean villains have purpose and they want to validate their life feelings people who have that universe long enough to call villains you. Know Right I've played enough bad guys to know that you you have to believe that in what you're doing in order for it to come off her Authentically that's the world that they live in and for me only for me. Speaking only for myself I am experiencing what it is to be human and that is my sole purpose. How do you do the not sole purpose? It's the fundamental purpose to chief that obviously you know you can't just go to work and be an actor and come home and there's gotTa be other things that you know like chair charity stuff. Whatever it is that make you feel something. Make you feel human interaction connection presence. All that stuff like. Is there certain things that you like? This is the most important and I'm not sacrificing this. This is going to happen. I'm GonNa continue doing this and you know. What is that the biggest rule or attachment that I have to any any kind of ruler? Structure is My father so that's number one. And then I'm a husband and teammate to Courtney and we have that unit and then extends to my family my my parents and my sisters brother and friends what have you but I I have to be here. I have to support Leo. That is my number one. Yes No my number one thing in life. That's purpose man that it's a dual per. I mean he i. I learned as much from him as he's learning for me if not learning more from him than experience but is here to experience life right now. I chose to have a child. So I'm experiencing life to see my to see myself reflected. I am seeing a reflection of all of my flaws. I see on a daily basis the traumas that I have unresolved trauma that I have in my life that I'm propagating propagating asthma to my son and I can see that and go. Oh I don't want to do that. That was a learned behavior from my family or from society. And I don't choose to continue to put that out into the world and to give that to my son. I want him to be. Free of those Foibles those sins of the father and mother. What have you so I just can't imagine how much much sin you seem like such a great lakes. I know these are subtle things. These little things along the way that you're like oh he. He's learning that that's from me or that's in this. I feel horrible. I don't want him to but you've got to remember that were human. Were definitely not perfect. And he's going to evolve into something and you give him the love you give him whatever attention. That's probably you do best you. Can you have to know that like at least I'm learning that? Like do the best you can as long as you know it was the best you could do. You know. In that moment. I even give credit to my parents. I'm like you know. Hey you you just really didn't know how to be a certain way and I forgive you and I'm moving on and I love. You just acknowledge you fuck ups acknowledged your fuck ups which means when Leo gets to be twenty years old. He's a Joe Blah Blah evoking. You know you're you know hopefully won't say fucking but I would and then he's like I'm like Chris Farley right now idiot about saying Leo. You're right about that. I'm going to be honest with you. I wish I would have done that. I apologize for that. I'm telling you that. Just any kind of acknowledging something from a parent because they're always perfect there on the pedestal. They don't fuck up there. My parents were just. I thought they were fucking perfect. Everything May said politically they said so and so is having a fair down the street. They're not good parents or this. I believe the moment I woke up one. Daegu are you fucked? Look at you. You guys are more than the others. I think there was definitely like you. Look it's how you raise but I remember looking at my dad'll never drank. Dang do nothing now. I mean almost nothing and it wasn't until I was twenty one and I was at his old dentist's office in Long Island as again. My Dad just was he always like just kind of break down. The line didn't really do much. Is Your Dad. Used to walk around naked. Are you kidding me? What so there are some things. You don't need to tell your children as like my dad's like yeah. Yeah what later on started to open up a little. But I think that as long as you're just honest and you do the best you can and you G- knowledge your faults and your your flaws that I think that's what he's GonNa really admire. It's something you don't when you sit there and go. I never did that. You're wrong if yeah I feel. You listened to your child. Your Com- you kind of just held Leo Seven Seven. So you know we do our best to take responsibility and say. I'm sorry It's a very important practice for us to to admit when we have made mistakes. Parents make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and teaching him to be responsible For his own mistakes is a big thing. it's important to us. You know you say you can't imagine me doing too much wrong. Or what have you but I have a I had. I had a Like a zero to mental sixty zero to fifty anger. Sometimes when when something wouldn't be right with not just him but road rage and that kind of thing which I had a challenge with years ago and I that reaction now is as been something I've become aware of against you. Start with awareness That you're doing something and then you go okay. I'm doing my stop it every time but I'm becoming more aware like this about your cell like it. It doesn't serve any understand wh where it's coming from. Ym doing it and you start to dissolve those things and the same thing with there are a lot of frustration as a as a as a parent the child sleep. Why doesn't he do this? Why you know. There's there's it's a form it's a very challenging most challenging time in my life probably and so you can look at those things that you're doing that are not ideal and you can work to shift them because I want the experience. Not only for him but for me also because. I'm not setting myself a bath good day if I'm frustrated continuing frustrated a child being child that is that is an irrational attachment for me of child to be perfect and I had. There's a whole perfectionism that was that I had aspect of it but I want to go back to because it's all wrapped up to the road rage. Good I'm kidding. Go back to my first foremost attachment and most important thing to think of my son and experiencing the world and experiencing the universe. I'm conscious being and I get to experience what it is to be human and what it is to interact with life so in order to do that effectively for me to find joy. Find Joy wherever I can. I don't always remember this. Listen this is a this is a new practice for me and I am working on it. A continually but the challenge when you have impeachment trials and what's happening in Iran and all everything in the wildfires. How'd you find joy when there's all this tear these terrible things happening in the world? I think the probably always gonna be terrible things happening in the world for a very long time so either were always completely stressed about it and worrying about that and trying to stop. Those things should try to stop those things always but also have to be able to find joy where we can have do those things and find joy. Have the moments of of of despair and loss don't gloss over it. Don't pretend it doesn't and these things have been happening to a long time for all of my dad said we're things things are worse now rising. Vietnam. We just didn't have it on phones and everywhere in front of you would all the time. That was horrible going on. What does it matter if it was better or worse still happening and and it's going to? I think it's probably going to continue to still happen. I hope not till we as human beings as sentient beings can find a better way to balance it and to experience it so that when is we don't fully throw away our belief in positively and good things happening just because it's terrible things happening and when the wonderful things happening not just throwing away the fact that terrible things can can happen? Yeah but finding that balance and being okay with that and a lot of spiritual teachings talk about this. It's the I don't know that's the middle way correct definition but but there's but you have to find balance that both things can exist and it's okay that both things exists. I don't think you can ever forever extinguish if we're to ever extinguish Darkness then there's only light and there's only light. How can you know anything else? I mean there are many philosophy. Talk about this idea. Younan young black and white. I'm getting into the weeds. That's all right. I like the weeds but finding joy. And how I so what I try to do on. My work is go to work and enjoy my time onset. How do you do that because at the end product? You don't know what the end product is going to be and I had to go into this. You're also talking about law so we're going back to that loss of my family for the last five years and the character. I played for six years as you may know. I'm by fill my last episodes as in the air over certain and as Ray Palmer and that was a very traumatic event for me was not something I was expecting. It was shocking. They told you the day of filming. Yeah hopefully it was before we started production but it was not well handled and And so that has been something. I'm still my wife and I both still working through It's been a huge transition time for us. Oh last eight nine ten months and And so going. How is it going to find the joy in that knowing this thing was going to end looming but I but I worked to to just be with my crew become my family and my cast my family an inexperienced that and just be there in the interactions with the people. And how do you do that? You have to have awareness you check in on your self aware. What does my brain thinking? Wait wait where am I am I am? I am repetitive. Thought about something am I. Am I having an aunt An automatic negative thoughts and it's happening and also. Yeah you let those things spiral and if you go in a certain way and you start I remember dealing with things and all you could see it. It's on your face you're like okay. What are we doing? It's like the resentment. Aren't these people? It's something that happened that they have nothing to do it. And there's nothing they can do and so it's sort of a waste of energy but to be able to look at that and go all right all right. This is what this is. That's that's maturity that's hard that's the work of life so you have to have all these experiences in your life that help you teach you at some point that that's the way to enlightenment to freedom to to freedom from this autopilot. So we're born. We don't have autopilot. We're taught autopilot via society by our fire family. We're open. We're open beings in that first stage of life but you have to be able to function. Yeah you I if the world's acid trip and you've no structure as a baby you don't have you know I don't know if it's like an acid trip but crazy colors road no straddle. No-one anything is. There's a name for this what's language. I'm calling this this. This is the color blue we have to do that. In order to then experience the things right but you learn that behavior you learn that autopilot from mostly from your parents from society but then you have to learn that well you it sounds like when after the whole Superman thing you know you thank thank God in a way because let's say the sequels happened you would have been you wouldn't have changed you that would have liens on like a fricking cranberry song. Who knows you know who knows but the fact that it is really broken down in a bad way or lashed out or done some other thing. Because I wouldn't have had you know. I wouldn't have had the experiences that I had to have the loss that I did have to help with that emotionally. Thank you are from that experience growing and figuring all that out in those fucking moments where you're just sobbing and growing as by the way you weren't that old when this when this happened. Twenty five twenty five. I thought I knew everything. Of course we always do. It's crazy but look with the whole thing. You told me about this because I don't know much about this with the atom. Another character in the comic books ends up in the comic books they take over that character. That's what I read online. Is that true? Yes in the common thing in the World Ray Palmer gets lost I can't remember exactly where it gets lost. in the multi verse or in something mixing that up with with the an with an aunt But he he disappears anyway but he leaves his belt behind which is in the comics. How he has the power to shrink and This young man Takes over takes over Ryan Choi becomes. Okay that's in the comic books but something was working and everything is great in the ratings are great and everybody who gives a shit if he gets lost and he let them get lost. The last episode. Am I wrong because I don't know how this works? But that's not so. There's a lot of rumor that flies around because you know these things are out there and and for whatever reason they don't have a This Nina is not my. It's not my place to to to to really speculate or because you can tell you know I think characters have put out there to see how. What the response is and what happens. And that's not what happens with with Ray In the end I think I'm fine saying that he doesn't get lost into the multipurpose. It's not we're not following the Comic Book Structure Bright. But if they ask you they gonNA come back for this thing and the next season down the road. If you're not going to be on the show anymore I mean would you would your ego then takeover or I don't think you ego it's like no. I want to do anymore. Yeah that's a tough thing. Yeah I've done that come back. I'm like I don't want to not not for that. We want to come back because I was that guy. Yeah so I'm not going to come back and some other university fucks going on by the way it's great it's great stuff. I'm just saying there's another legs and it's mean it's like it's like this is not what I need to do. Yeah I came back for season seven. I came back for season ten for the finale. I WANNA too great for the fans and there's a lot of rumors and stuff. There's always go. He left the show backgammon. Kevin Smith says he left the show. More fucking time. I Love You. Cabinet said it but. I'm like I I mean technically. My contract was six years. I talked about this six years. I stayed until seven seven years. I did one hundred and sixty something episodes and then I said Hey I'm GonNa go do whatever and of course people like. Oh of course no matter what I do. It's not gonNA be as big SMALLVILLE So I went off to that I love yes I wanted to direct. I want to do this. I WanNa hear my family. I want to know what is he doing. Blah Blah left smallville. What when they come back. We'll fuck you. You're the one selfish telling me what I should be doing. Fuck you so I'm angry but what I'm saying for you is if you come back because you love it and it's great and all this is interesting and that's what you do it for of course but if you're like. I did this for five five years five seasons on on legends and then I season on era hundred over one hundred episodes care. I'm saying do you think you'd go back I? That's kind of a bridge that I will decide to cross when I get there. Yeah there there's a there's a lot there's a lot wrapped up in that answer. I'm sure there's probably a little resentment. You said you didn't like how you how things sort of By the way. I I really appreciate your candor and just sort of your just just being able to just feel and say that These are feelings whether they are. They're necessarily right to someone who watches the podcast with someone who looks at your interview. You can't say everything that everybody wants you to say. You can't feel like so. Sometimes you challenges is trying to live for other people and be what other people think. I should do. My fucking challenges worried about what people think of me thank you. That is the hardest thing. 'cause you want everybody to be happy? You want everybody to be like you and you want to do. Of course you want everybody at the end of bad so I'm just going to really try. I'm GONNA fuck up. I am going to fuck up. I promise essential to life but it's essentially I do a lot I know now and hopefully if you love me or you like me and I say something. You don't like you know go bomb vacuum you go all right. Well that's his opinion or that's how he felt that moment. So it's it's tough. It is tough and like a lot of people on the outside will always say you know the thing you always hear is like you know. They're lucky on my God. They don't have a right to feel that way. And I'm like I gratefully shit. I live in a house. I I'm able to do great things. I'm blessed beyond record. I am blessed if it all ends now I am. I say man I. I had whether I had the opportunity I had the I had everything in front of me whether I used it to. My best capabilities probably not. I'm learning to do that now. And helping other people in which makes me feel good. But I don't know where I was going. It's okay it's okay to screw up and but I appreciate and to see people. I think it's important for people to know that were fallible. You know I you know we for me. Putting up the playing the character Superman I put a lot of pressure on myself to to to live up to that expectation. Always I was already a the boy scout and didn't do a lot of crazy things anyway but I made sure that once. I got the role that I was that I protected the image. Not only myself but of the character integrity. It was very important to me to have the character have integrity and it's a balance any way of trying to showing perfection and then showing that in a life isn't about being perfect and I think it's important for people to know that you know that it's not always better on the other side you know we have this imagery of this view of who people are and what they are and we imagine what their lives are like we we project and we want to live that life because it's better than ours always and you have to come to terms with the fact that to find happiness you have to be okay with where you are. Well this is your life. This is surrender to to your experience. Some days are good sometimes are bad for for everybody. Yeah I I. I tend to do that. I will look at like my friend. Canton Indiana with his three kids in his house. And you know I don't know I just there's this envy. There's this This feeling of I won't say it out loud because God I'm sure. He wishes that he'd be on a hit show when he goes out. Some people recognize him and he does all these things he was a Laker Games. And the deep down. I'm thinking slice awesome. He's got three kids in the Mid West kids are drinking at garden hoses maybe go to a Walmart together wherever I'm serious. There's there's certain friends that I look at that. I'm like I mean it's so cliche it just doesn't matter what you have in terms of money you're just you it just doesn't you hear it all the time and you're lucky when you have and you have all these things what you do with it but also I mean you think about the happy moments happy moments when you just connect with someone he just. It's not about the money it's about two people going. This is a great moment. This is fucking. I can just feel this me. This is this is beautiful. Witnessing something really nice and it's very hard and we get caught up in all expenses it's experiences man and and that's what it's all about. I think that's why I'm learning I am. I'm learning everyday. I'm like why am I not happy today? Why do I feel You know what? Why don't you take a nice hike and look at the beautiful fuck and trees and nature and cheer? You're colorblind but this guy still looks great. You know I mean there's so many things you could do every day that we just go tired. I'm this and just get a cargo for a drive up the coast or I mean wherever you live. There's always something you can do to just go to get outside and when you get outside of your head when you could just say because that's not fun to be in there too much too long but if you just take a you know today. I'm taking the day off. I'm just GonNa Hang Out Leo and Courtney and we're GONNA go to chucky cheese faulk. I don't WanNa go there but I'm going to go just to see. Leo's face and those those bacteria infested balls and he's planning as you know there's that's where you know people talk about meditation and and I don't have a regular meditative practice I still can't. I still have not had this found the structure to to do that in my life. But I've read a lot about a lot of books of spirituality and religion this man and and I do have moments where I'm meditating in life just in just in life was on a setting aside time to do it but my point bringing this up is clear. Mind is one thing but listening to your mind is Is is maybe another thing. And when you're in nature you can be in nature but you also have to be aware of where your thoughts are and surrender to the fact that you're in nature and that you don't need to write the email and the you don't think if I'd said isn't it think about what's think about what's for dinner or check your twitter messages because if you have another follower if you just but those that's autopilot it's so it's so quietly running these programs running background that it's really challenging. We start to cultivate the ability to listen to it. And I'm saying this not because I mastered it because I am currently working on it As you're talking to somebody even can I talk to you and still have that awareness among over sharing or why am I sharing this information And and I do that because I with my son can. I Really WanNa go to the park with him and he wants to play with me. Can I just surrender and not worry about anybody watching me and saying Oh that's brain around? Is One thought that POPs into my head. Sometimes the other is oh I have this email. I have to get back to my man. Undrafted my something texted me. What what what are we having for dinner? Yeah I have to let go of those things in order to really be with him fully and play and engage and then I can get back my child like sense and and really just play with them and that's really a challenge challenge. You probably get down on yourself like why it you know why because this is honestly this is just as bad as cocaine addiction. Okay because it really is or a heroin. Maybe I mean maybe you won't die as fast. Maybe it doesn't feel like it's fucking you up really badly but it is. It's almost as if one thing leads to another two three hours of a wasted day to man I could've Could have been having a great hike with my friend or it could have been it. Just sucks the life out of you and it's it's hard and it's a boat. Why do I have to keep coming back because you're DICTA to or addicted to it? This is it's that's the world we live in and so but we again like coke addicts like a heroin addict. Guess what we got the fucking choice. Say you know what I don't touch you today and guess what when I pick you up tomorrow. The world won't end It just won't I might have forty emails tomorrow. I'll take four hours. I'll just get caught up and everything but today no phone be present and you know I. I had yesterday for a lot of the day where I was just distracted from doing things I had. I went to the Ronald McDonald house at the kids for three hours. I went to this other thing now. Eighty five percent of my day was like I couldn't really be on the phone you know and that when I looked at it I saw these measures really missing. Oh my friend Keira said what are you doing okay? Sorry House just being busy. You know you don't in how. How do we feel compelled to respond to everything I always? I don't want to hurt people's feelings about hey I'm in town. What are you doing? I don't have to respond. Do Do you feel like you're the flow to my mom? If something you know Flynn the flow. What people call the flow yesterday? More of the Zelda is the flow. There's something I mean that's when you get creative. People talk at home and they do daring things in his surfing or hang gliding all kinds of they get in the flow. But but it's just like ease and There wasn't as you know. I have like horrible neck issues from Fusion I mean. They're getting a lot better. But I notice when I'm connected or when I'm when I'm not on my phone because you know they have this epidemic of people looking at their phones and people are growing like tails and their science true science. Look it up but by the way if you have neck problems should you be like this? Should you be fucking down like that? I mean we just do it but yes in zone in the would you call it the flow. I mean I just want to get more on the flow of life. You know I said to myself I wrote down go away and I named a couple of places you want to go here. You WanNa go here and I'm always waiting rally. Let's see my friend can get off work and go with me. Why don't you just fucking go by yourself? You fucking loser. Who can't be by yourself? Go to fucking Italy by yourself for a week. I know if I die you die in Italy. That's pretty cool. I mean why can't you just fuck be go take a break turf off? Go to get a hotel somewhere in Santa Monica and just go on the beach. Anywhere does do disconnect. It's so easy to do and I keep pushing it three weeks four weeks. It's like I'm going to put a date in my calendar after this interview. I'm the say if you don't go by this date it's over. I hate you. That's what I'm GONNA say. People go on vacation and they can have that reprieve a lot of the time. We don't go on vacation enough and it's something that you can do. I think probably on a daily basis checking in having that mental. I'm always called mental vacation. I it's it's it's understanding. The poll of purpose go back to purpose and drive in work and kids and attachment to all of these things in the social structure. That is life that we have to experience. If we're just laying on the beach all day I think you really would get bored of that to a degree. So that's why people who who gets cancer right retire? They often find. They need something else to do because sitting at home. All the time to play world of warcraft. I'd get bored and lonely at some point. I would want real human interaction an Audi. Go Out and do something. So it's a balance between structure and non structure that we have to that we have to that we can push push towards is is is is working. I don't want to not be working Doing the work. It's going to work doing something useful a that that hopefully benefit society in some way. But I'm not killing myself to do it. I'm having joy while I'm doing is. I'm finding a way to be an awareness as I'm doing everything I'm doing in life. Do you know what I just thought of. Maybe this isn't profound when it came to me. It fell profound when we're on these things and we're so preoccupied with all these. It's because in the back of our fuck and feeble minds brandon. Were thinking about his once. I get to where I don't have to care about this once. I have such a enough money or success with this thing that I loved this. Podcast gets enough listeners. Then I could really. It's always going after something that's intangible that is like it's never going to end then when it's bigger than what then. It's harder if you don't learn to do it now. It's never going to learn it exactly. That is very profound. I mean it hits you on a different way that that that that is the experience. We're all doing it a different way. Now we all had different parents. We all went to you. Know had different friendships. We all have different jobs and different relationships to the people that are work. But we're all living a human experience. We all have their different social economical economic status and all of that but we all are challenged by the same things And the choice is. Do you want to continue living like that? Tissa choice or that. Would you like to investigate a different way of being so that you can be at peace with where you are presently? That's it I agree. I think that that's I think we all want. Everyone can relate anyone who is listening. We want peace. We want to just know we were a great friend. Great Father Whatever it is. It's just knowing I am enough money. Money's not gonNA look at Tom. Steyer for instance he just popping into my brain because I saw him on. Nicole bear the other day. This guy has a billionaire. He's not at Peace Now. He's fighting for what he believes. Is the right of of the of the country. He's billionaire. No political you know not in politics. And he's GONNA run for president because I I can see. I don't agree with what's happening and maybe I can contribute. Maybe I can help now. Yes all those things but but he's not if money gave him peace of mind he beyond beach gives all this money to charity every year and now he's now he's running is running. Money doesn't buy you. That's just like that's that's altruism that's like philanthropic at another level when you have you could disappear. You can own the half the earth and what you're trying to do is just be a better human being make the world better that y increases. It's exciting that and is doing the same thing on the time and you have a piece in it's boring. Let's say that should always be war? Strife to make life interesting but we have to have challenges in our life we want challenges we strive for challenges that we strive challenges we. We don't think we know we're doing it. But but that's exciting Do you play video game. We just wander around and you don't aren't aren't aren't challenged by anything. So the free play of a world. it's fun. Yeah but I think that you eventually want to be challenged by by something in order to have the experience be worthwhile have the experienced interesting and also to learn from yourself. You're not challenged that's great. That's what I WANNA do. I WANNA be in love. I just want to be in. Love sounds stupid but I do think it'd be awesome to just beef for crazy about something something. I'm gonNA crazy about people. It's just that you know when you can trust someone wholeheartedly and just relationship. It's been whilst had that kind of goes back to youtube though man the band you to say it's because maybe somewhere to them your capacity to love someone else's your capacity to love yourself and Saturday and and the depth with which you can accept and love yourself as that with which you can do to the other person I think and that's something I've had to learn inexperience as well and it's also not always about you and you need someone the sort of say. Hey asshole turn your phone off. Spend time with your family. Oh my God you know. Sometimes you need somebody who's also accountable you. Could you know they can help? You know you're accountable for your own. But also someone else's life is not meant to be lived alone if you damn Ralph. I don't mean you can be. You can be single you if you're not if you don't have other people in your life reflecting back you are. That's about memory so learned anything in the process of being also. Is You have to have to just like you have to have black and white. You're out to have more than one person more than one thing. In order to know. Know who you are Help you figure out who you are to bounce. Yeah you have to you have to. Yes you know I. I apologize apologize for the beginning of the interview. I felt like it was just too intense. Felt like we just jumped into it because I wanted to talk to you about like toys around the house and like you know you guys just got a house and and You know you want a Toy Room. You want some because you have toys to you. Were being superman ban. You had underpants now underpants Pajama Jam is yeah underpants. Some times part of they've kind of you all this do you. What kind of twitter favorite toy that you have? I don't say I'm a collector. Like looking around your I I. I'm not I collect. I have the toys of the things that I've been in because people send them to me in this kind of a unique thing so I don't I wouldn't say my collector of a collector of of of memorabilia that much but I do have some cool things I have a Joe. Montana signed football. Did say that. That's probably my biggest hulas giants fan. But I'll never forget the that team. I Love Montana and Dwight Clark and it just yeah go ahead go ahead so that was a pretty. That's a pretty special thing for me that I like to be able to put up and have a room to display the movie posters and all of the projects very cool props and things that I might have. That people have made to me just to go. I get all these wonderful things that people make for me. And they're just you know some of them end up sitting in a box and I'd like to display and sale. This is cool. I mean that's nice although it's hard to put too many things yourself because it looks just strange things myself. That's that's good. I don't WanNa do that but I think what we're GONNA do is. We're going to incorporate some of those things into that into the house in a in a way in a cool way and not be so not that we ever really strict about. How we you know the art. We put on her in her house. But but just free with it. So this and art. And here's a poster of the show and here's this and that here's a picture of our family in this and just kind of have it more be more unique the the family. This is our house. How's your house is our house this? Is You know museum. It's just a family. Thank you seeing this as a museum. I think saying I'm saying out the faulk did what does that. What he said. A hoarder this eclectic this one. I mean thank you. I think that would be the word for everyone to do something for. I do this every episode at the end of the episode. It's for Patrons they get to ask some questions here and This is called Shit Talkin Rosenbaum. Danny says I think he's great at playing comedic scenes. So I I'd like to know which movie makes him laugh the most which movie in history of life I'm going to go with my favorite comedy as probably Monty Python Holy Grail. It's great one. I love that. I'll cut your frigging leg up plane. Aloe Vera remember all right. Niko P when preparing for Rolex Superman. How do you make the roll your own? Without crossing the line into imitating previous incarnation. I'm sure you've been asset a lot. Yeah and again you quick questions. You don't have to answer. You know you'd be quick if you want okay. Essentially I was tasked with kind of having the similar energy of Christopher Reeve in Superman returns and so I did do that and partially that was just in me because Having watched the film many times he was my superman so it was just innately there I haven't had a absorb a absorbed. It I guess to degree and then you know I did. I played Clark differently. I I think in some ways my my my. My approach to him was was a slightly different than than Chris But there are. There are similarities and there are things that are there different so I'm not afraid to to have walking footsteps because I thought I was tasked with the that's true especially if they're going well he resembles a resemblance. If they're saying that they wouldn't have had the joy to get go. Hey lex luther out. Until I wouldn't have wouldn't have gotten the job. Didn't do some of that Jili Brandon. I think he doesn't amazing job at playing characters that are good instill making them entertaining. Does he get tired of playing the guy? You play bad guys. I don't get tired of the good guy. I never get to play the guitar. The joy and the experience of life in the balance you know I. That's why I love playing a Clark and Andrea Palmer. So Much Clark was was able to be human and to live as a human on earth. Because he couldn't do it a superman so hip is great joy in that interacting with people. That's why he was happy. And all of these things and and Ray Palmer Is it has a similar approach about life. As well he he believes in goodness and happiness and all those things but his journey on legends has been with veterans of Courtney's character dark to see the other side undefined balanced. Kind of mirroring my own life Angie. It was a difficult to keep a straight face acting beside justin. Long and Zach and Mary me absolately. I'm sure I- I ruined a couple. A good improv lines that he had when that happened because I couldn't he's hilarious. He's coming on the show to Casey other than yourself. Who's your favorite way? Not Casey asking case Casey says other than yourself. Who is your favorite superman? Oh I love myself. Who's your favorite Super Christopher? Reeve Matthew J what we thought Scott Pilgrim vs the world where you played a crazy powerful Vegan ex-boyfriend. I'm curious what you think of the role looking back. Now that it's been so many years It's a fantastic film. I think it I you know I still get a many many fans who come up and are very active and Colin and a quote lines from the movie. It was so much fun at great as a genius The whole cast and crew was fun to work on and I love playing outrageous out there over the top caricatures Ryan. Do you know a quote from that movie Can't think of anything codes followed. You actually play the bass. I learned to play the Bass separate for that to play the Trumpet Baseball opinion but yeah played. I played trumpet in Middle School and played the pep band in college. Oh Nice I haven't picked to play in high school. I did play in high school. I mean Yeah Jazz. Band wasn't I was jazz band. I was in marching band. I didn't end up doing a marching band in college. Which because I I didn't work schedule but My Dad is a jazz drummer and so to a lot of Jazzmen Gerry. W how did you like working with Bryan Singer? You took a deep breath amount one. Well there there's trying to challenge a challenging it's challenging subject matter obvious obviously with the current But like Brian is a is a film genius. it was very passionate about the film and I think made a great. A great movie was not always easy to work with. Why wasn't easy to work with? I mean we're talking about mental health and everyone should be seeing a therapist. Everyone has trauma in their life. And when I say trauma it just means emotional experiences. Heavy emotional experiences. That doesn't mean you had a traumatic brain injury or that you're in the war. Everyone has had some kind of trauma in their life. Everyone should be seeing a therapist. I recommend a trauma therapist. I see one and he had the things in his life. Which you know would come up. And he wasn't always The the kindest person to everyone he was always put on his best face for me thankfully so he was kind to you. That was not that was not. You witnessed other things that you like. That'S UNCOMFORTABLE ANGELINA G. Before beginning work in the industry. What is the one film or show? You wish you would have had the chance to be in before working in the industry if you look back and go before John at this time. Can I'd love to be on thirty. Something was that on. That was that was way over by the for me before the industry groups thirty something now forty eight something four hours in. What was the one film or TV? Show you're like God man. I'd love to be in that. How many years ago you start the industry? That's figuring out twenty twenty years ago so that was ninety nine moved out to La. I mean I one of my first editions was for Dawson's Creek who not not not not as a regular. It was a character that had like season three. So I kind of watch sounding like oh I'm GonNa go 'cause I technically wasn't in it yet. I wouldn't say that was a huge dream but it was the first time I I never thought about that. So if I it's a conscious thought about being on it was like what if I was on Dawson's Creek and don't you love that song based hate it. When I was wrong I had a yeah I was like. Am I going to go lower than that's GONNA sound stupid? I forgot know I went for the original team. Ask to be over. That was a good song. Hussein made a penny isn't a penny something no penny. There was a penny look Brian while masking the next question. Okay we're almost done Taylor be what move your show were. Do you feel your greatest accomplishment and why I always kind of lean towards superman because it was the biggest most pivotal experience not just career wise but but but just personally you know everything has stemmed from from that experience but by the way. Did you like working with Kevin Spacey? Shut up shut up but you know I didn't think about that. He was Lutheran that movie. Cole Paula Cole. Just CHECK FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. For maize pending. There is a ban something a penny something and I can see that. It's not look you just gave me last last Dionne K. Or some of the funniest moments on the set of chuck I liked. I love that show. I was a fan of that show before going on funny moments funny. Funny Funny You know I always loved being in the by more that was I was wanted to be in the buy more more but my character was. The Bad guy turned good veteran. Bad Guy so I wasn't there very much doing funny stuff but I always had fun when we were there. Oh funniest or in the funniest Lisa. I love him unless I love him. And Legend says Lisa. Thank you Lisa. Question would be in regards to your current role. What has been your favorite air era Because I know that was like the small Valero. There's this era right historical events slash legends. Have back yes. So that's kind of that. Would count right crossovers kind of. Yeah Yeah Okay. So what is your favorite? Well I was be the when we seem two went back to Like five six hundred. Eighty not yet eighty camelot. Camelot episode and I was. Ucla was knighted. Sir Raymond of the poem. You love it it did. I got to sword fight just dressed up like a stud neal McDonough Love Neil Neil scra- remember us on that he's great. He's he's he's he's such offensive. Yeah well he did a lot of kids. Six kids son of I think she's a fantastic actor. He is really. He Played Courtney's dad in the in the show. Dad You know Nora and Dame darks relationship was was awesome and I got to be a partisan fun stuff with him. He's he's scrape by the way. Have you finished filming now? You're done yes. I finished in November in November. So that's it was an emotional finish. Did you cry Front of the crew? Were they upset people because I feel like they love you? I did cry a little bit. There's It was a weird schedule. Because we were filming a crossover as I was filming my last two episodes so hard dependence over going back and forth. Crossover days to to episode days. And there's a very dramatic Very dramatic scenes in the last couple of episodes and One in particular between Nick Zano and I and I was that was that was the hardest the hardest day and I got a lot of my emotions out that day on onset on Camera. I bet they came pretty easily. It was there. It didn't have to reach far for it. And so the last day I was in the atom suit doing green screen working by myself with the crew so it was a little bit kind of a last day about when that makeup artist you give the hug when she kinda did you go in there. 'cause I remember I used to have my head cleaned up to two hours in the beginning to to do everything right. You know The figured out ended up taking an hour and a half after two years of because you can see heroin solitaire. So they shaved me. Is You know. And then and then at the end it took a half an hour to get it all off and warm towel and just like you know and I remember the last time and I was Kinda like Is Crew and hugged? Everybody and I was just ready to go. I was just ready. Yeah and as I'm walking out. I looked at Natalie I looked at her and I just fell apart and I just started crying and she cried and a helder this woman. I knew her by far more than I've known anybody in my life. Yeah I was with her all day. Seven years ten months a year twenty two episodes a year and it was just in that make over two hours talking about her life all our stories and her me talking. She seen good bat everything. It was just this emotion. The port out and what was great was kind of bittersweet was in my left. You know it was a couple years ago. Had the show called him pastor those on for just a couple of years and I got her to come work on the show. And some other crew guys from Smallville and I got yeah. It was nice to see the back up. People don't realize they're family. You're with them. More than your Fam- absolutely family. I mean that's the hardest thing we there were a couple of people that that happened to me kind of that surprise like oh well there's that okay there's some strong emotion and the after just felt like she knows no there were no it was. I was by myself screen so so it was just the crew. Dp probably yes. I mean he was trying to listen or are. Akm Operator. You know he had to keep it together and do the rest of the work and But with makeup and hair especially. That's you know that bond and she wasn't there but but but our first day for our last days together. We were having emotions together because of our last scenes together. And you know it's just a I I've never I've never been in that position before And again leaving wasn't my choice. So there's all of those feelings mixed up in there and nobody wanted to my knowledge. Nobody wanted to see me go So and they they knew that. Let's see on the road rage because they were watching the road from eight years ago. Yeah so I take that experience and I'm I'm very grateful for it and I have to be ready all practicing all the things that I've been talking about the school. It's all conversation is having that be a part of my story that is part of my experience And when I start to ruminate on that after go okay but leave it there for now because I thought put usually not gonna put me in a good place and you can't control it and I can't control it anymore. I can win. Control my response responses to go. Okay I'm thinking about it now. How can I best serve myself? And my family in the small thinking about that are moving on and finding presents to be with my son or my wife. My you said something before. You're grateful I'm grateful that you came on the show today thanks. I'm grateful for having yet thought this was really fun and insightful and I mean I think look I think you're a great guy I think what's great is you're you're you're very honest with yourself to be because I think I always had. That's that's the that's all. It is the fact that you're working on it just to admit that. Hey I'm I'm I've I've haven't been the greatest in the past times I have. I think people are very forgiving. It's just about who you are now who you're becoming and I think that's what I'm striving for. I think we all are so. We have to give everybody a chance to grow into become themselves. Obviously you can still be at fault for things and you have to make up for those mistakes and there are ways to do that but if we never allow anybody to grow outside of themselves than than what the heck you know this guys give me a chance to doom to chance your brand give Michael to give. Yeah did thank you for allowing to be inside you thank you. It's been a pleasure. I love that episode. That was the first one on video. I hope you guys enjoyed that. I mean the couch is different. The point that out different couch. We have a different couch now because brandon was sitting on a different couch. We got a new couch here right now. Ryan great job on the first episode of ever editing. A podcast thank you. I think you did a great job and I know you spend a lot of time in this and they probably don't pay you enough but eventually I will if I can afford you. I'd do it for the love. Yeah I think you do. I hope you do and I and I love you. Look this is all part of like you know you work hard. In the beginning we work hard and hopefully things come in and we grow together all of us. We grow together. We do top patrons out their shout out to the top tier patients who support the PODCAST Alison L. Andrew. See Angelina G Berry L. Bobby bortex Chris Dion K. Emily K Emily S. M. H. Jason de Jason W Jerry W Jill. Ea Kevin Are Kev Kristin K. Is that Kristen Crook. She's supporting that'd be Lauren. G Lee s highly Skidding Mark Michael S Nancy D. Nico Raj Robert B Sarah v Skopje Shawn Tiana Tricia N. Yukiko remember check out the the live podcast in Austin Tommy. If you're coming we need you there. There's limited seating xactly vise the guest go on my Social Media See where you can get tickets and all that and I said it in the intro. For some reason didn't listen to the intro but and then I'm going to be in Mexico and doing a lot of cons this year so see if I'm in a city near you and you can come up and say I gotta listen inside you and I'll be like Dude and we'll help each other just like that. Yeah we will shout out to my Charities Ronald Mcdonald House. Echoes of hope for Foster Youth. Food on foot for homeless If you ever feel like donating that's great You for being coming a Patriot and supporting side of you with Mike. Rosemont all these wonderful things that were giving you. I think that's about it. I think we should shut that option. We shut it down. Let's shut down. Thank you inside you Take care if you have any ideas or anything we're always open to hearing your ideas and I'm on the cameo thing and doing all that stuff so thanks. 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