387: Concu-bye-bye-bine Edition
Winning it's impossible to have an honest discussion about now without plenty of explicit language this week's episode of the Skate against is brought to you by him and by the Kick Ass Congregational cure for the pandemic, the corona virus maxine the corona virus maxine reclaiming my time. And now the scathing atheist. Good morning is this is Chris. The resurrection artists of men Cave Pictures Dot Com on my early morning walk in the ruins of the ancient Siamese capital of Utah. Over here in the land of smiles, everybody understands that those smiles did in fact evolve from the grimaces of filthy monkey men. Thursday July sixteen, and it's Guinea pig appreciation one. Because sometimes a hamster. Just isn't big enough or. No allusions me lie Bosnich he found right and from Marjorie Terrell. Bosniaks nuture. Swing state good husband, Georgia this is the scathing atheist. This week's episode the FBI. Harder to die in Florida. The Supreme Court rules in favor of anti establishmentarian, because fuck the establishment clause. That's who word. Bible Piece Theater Ob here so we have an excuse to hang out with don but I the Diet trial. Is humanists. We often talk about building a heaven on earth. Let me the entire philosophy is built around that concept to some degree right by working together and setting aside hopes of supernatural intervention. We can answer our own prayers as well as one another's and honestly the enterprise of proving it's been pretty successful up to this point right. The world improves pretty quick, but it's been going for so long that it's easy for us to lose sight of just how far things have really moved. We consistently underestimate our progress, which is evidenced by the fact that we always talk about this heaven on earth that we're going to build, and we only rarely bother to talk about the one that we've already built. Now let me be super clear upfront here. I am not claiming the president. World is a paradise that would be a damn hard claim to make any year, but twenty twenty seems to be going out of its way to prove the opposite. There are a lot of problems we have to solve, and even if we manage to solve all of the ones we know about, we still wouldn't have a paradise. Even, if we manage to stamp out all the racism and bigotry and sexism and hunger, and wanted disease and discomfort, we still wouldn't be in paradise because Paradise is a relative term, even if the dictionary would suggest, otherwise consider this, the Koran was written in the early seventh century. In this book. Its author tries to define heaven the Bible doesn't go into a hell of a lot of detail on this, but the crown spells at a few specific ways that going to know when you've made it to eternal paradise in two of the main ones mentioned repeatedly in the book. Are Very, comfortable couches and rivers of milk. Let's set aside for a second. How gross a river of milk would be because clearly the implication here is that like you know that that milk wouldn't go bad or how bugs and shit in it or froth up with cottage cheese along the shoreline. What is going for here was unlimited supply of milk right, but even when you give them the benefit of the doubt, that's a really shitty heaven, right? I mean they got a Lotta. Shitty stuff to deal with in my life, but I have a very comfortable couch and a glass of milk. Whenever I want one. My life is literally better than Muhammad was capable of imagining and I'm just so middle class white guy on the Internet from today. Right in the Bible talk about streets of gold or cities, made a golden are also somehow see-through and to the modern reader. You look at that, you think. Wow, that seems wildly impractical. Right? That would be a step down. It'd be pretty maybe, but it'd be a step down from what we got, but you have to consider that. When this was written, the streets were made of mud and camel shit. Bit of Shirley, said of concrete with good drainage along the sides if they'd known enough to think of that, the green sunny feels that so often stood in for heaven in Renaissance Painting Seemed Pretty Drab most of us now, but when your life was spent knee deep in mock in front one was seen as a symbol of great wealth, just being clean and three feet away from the nearest person probably seemed heavenly. Over the last few centuries, heaven is needed a couple of face-lifts. I mean if you're listening to this podcast, odds are you live in a state of abundance? That royalty could not dream of a thousand years ago. Your clothes closer more comfortable. Your bed is soccer. Your lights turn on and off quicker every night than a fucking army of slaves could lighten snuff candles. You have endless entertainers at your Beck and call and you have. Have as much milk as you want. Without even having a bend over a scoop it out of the fucking river again. I'm not pointing any of this out to suggest that our work is done and that we've gotten as close to Paradise as we need to get. Most of the world will be pretty fired up to have my couches and my access to milk. Even most of this country doesn't have the same access to it. At my white male straight six gender educated ass has our is still need to rest on the future. But it helps it you know especially when the present seemed so shitty in the future seems so far away to glance back now and again and look at all the ground we've covered. They're talking. Within. Joining me for headlines Tonight of the Flora and fauna to my Mary. Weather he then right Andy Live Bosnich fellas. Are you ready to do some good? Okay, it's very obvious. I'm Mary whether they literally go with our colors in the script. Honestly. I was just thinking of a trio, but yeah you put in the picture and. I'll send you a picture. Tim. It's upsetting. It's upsetting how accurate it is I'm tall and read great. The old one. And I'm the fat one. That's what my DNA code says. T H E C fuck you. Right in our lead story tonight in lame. Duck Oloron noon. Donald Trump is clearly worried that the clock might be almost out of time on his stolen presidency, so we've seen the administration trying to finish their biggest homework the night before and takeaway civil rights from marginalized groups to protect the rights of Evangelical Christians. To take away civil rights for marginalized groups that right that they need to have. And now the Supreme Court seems to be doing the same thing, even though they don't have terms that run out more, you know just for funsies and to put their official stamp on trump's big at rules while he's still around as if that particular matters, the latest example is they're from last week that upheld the trump administration's policy of giving employers exemption to the affordable care act, allowing them to deny birth control coverage in their health plans, if they have a magical religious objection to that, yeah, yeah, and strangely enough. Skoda's good work on the honor system for that. All right, so let's be perfectly clear about this. Birth control is a medical treatment prescribed by doctors of doctoring science. That's what they do and yet. Somehow the court decided that people who believe in ghosts are allowed to interfere with that Yup. Yup, according to this ruling, your dude Bro boss with an MBA from fucking liberty university. After his semester unit on ovaries stuff, in BA program he gets to pick and choose which types of medical care are part of your, insurance In a related story, every major corporation in the country just started their conversion to Amish Jehovah's Witness, Christian scientists, yes, as sincerely believed that God is against all the medicine, or I don't know. Maybe they convert to Islam where all gambling is forbidden by God for providing any insurance for anything. We'd be violation their religious beliefs. Oh, that's what I wondered. Why Dairy Queen put out the AU. Jus Blizzard, but that means. They had to rush to market before Kellogg's took the name. All right so. The John Roberts court as many of you are aware, is known for its pattern of eroding the wall of separation over the last fifteen years, and injecting elements of theocracy into American Law Yup and it usually happens along party lines justices chosen by Republican presidents, vote for theocracy, and those chosen by Democrats are. Correct Button. Every time we learned for example from Trinity Lutheran and this latest decision from last week was a seven to two ruling Jesus. The five conservatives were joined by Steven. Briar and Elena Kagan which is terrifying and further confirmation that aversion to logic and science-based legal principles is one of the only non-partisan issues that America's top legal minds can cross the island. Agree on what? The fuck is happening. It's almost like you're me out. People, your grandparents age shouldn't interpret the law for an entire country. It is almost like. The Okay L. A. and he's ages bullshit as their own, and does not represent the puzzle thunderstorm LLC standards affiliates especially since the oldest justices also the only one that seems to get it right every fucking. That is true. A. Nominally Jewish. More Jewish people also just one other. Quick Point on this. Every employee in the country as part of their compensation plan for their job receives a certain amount of. Dollars Dollars using that money they can buy extra birth control and going to fucking bender of birth control. If they want, they could buy a giant golden idol of a calf and. Gifts for miseducated couples and objects with. A good deal of height to create a high place if they wanted to the Bible face does that mean that employers can object to the currency based portion of a paycheck from now on. I'm pretty sure Elena Kagan's concurring opinion. Kinda wriggled out of implying that outright, but the majority decision didn't seem to even be aware of that obvious absurdity. fucking insane, no and in clean sweep news. It's bad news for Florida residents looking to kill themselves more quickly than just by living in Florida this week as the FBI finally rated genesis two. Of Health and healing who've been selling their miracle Mineral Solution Bleach, as a magical cure all despite the government, telling them not to with sugar on top. Yellow maybe go bleach on top I. Dunno listen. FBI walks in catches them with the bleach. Okay now we're GONNA stand right here while you guys drink the whole. No, but look honestly at this point. If you survive long enough to drink your bleach in Florida, you're doing all right. Yeah regular listeners may remember this group for the one hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine. Their Australian chapter incurred earlier in the year for. Selling bleaches, medicine, or when their leader Mark Brennan publicly admitted. They're not really a church, but that being church is a really good front for selling bleaches, medicine or in the FDA issued a warning against using the products because they were deemed life threatening because. Bleach is. Not Medicine H. Incredible how many safeguards we have to place between people's intestines and industrial bleach. Isn't it and We need more. We don't know enough yet. One to view well as I said good news, because the FBI finally raided their headquarters this past week and confiscated twenty two gallons of miracle mineral solution, eighty three hundred pounds of sodium chlorate and fifty gallons of Murrieta acid. That's enough lab. They raided a meth lab. The. Company must also take down their websites and inform all their customers that they were selling bleach as Madison, yeah! They were selling bleaches medicine. I don't know why I was going to quote the. Last, but not least Brennan and his sons have also been charged with conspiracy to defraud conspiracy to violate the Federal Food Drug and Cosmetic Act and criminal contempt Nice Nice One church that sells dangerous lies down. Three hundred, eighty, three, thousand, nine, hundred, ninety, nine to go in this country, oh. And in Perfection, correction erection news tonight mentioned Jesus on CNN last week Anna. Talking of. The greatest crispy. That's right in A. As done lemon, toss things over to Chris. How can we even pretend it's? Me and my brother exists Cuomo. Lemon is trying to point now that you have to admit to battle with good when it comes to national heroes, and as if approved racist motivations, aside from was right about him, being a dumb ass. Lemon says quote. Jesus Christ. If that's you believe in Jesus. Christ was not perfect when he was here on the earth. So why are we defying the founders of this country many of whom owned slaves and quote. Okay well now we're just pulling down statues of the false idols you're. Right. Yeah, exactly sorry Jesus Christ. If that's who I believe. He was perfect if I don't believe in him or I have an option to think he never exactly what we? Don Lemon blending the no fucking then is tricky. It's tricky. Now I will give Lemon enough credit to admit that it's actually a good point, but holy fuck. How did he not know that was? Or right hoping as hard as it is to argue that a guy who murdered a fig tree, and a temper Tantrum is perfection. Arguing that is Christianity's whole fucking thing Yep right like Mike Huckabee called his comments. Blasphemy and trump fluffer Robert Jeffress set his remarks quote. Make him his network the uncontested champion of fake news and MSNBC. Start, chanting. Day. Book you were at on this. Of course. This is the only time Christians freaked the fuck out over CNN's primetime anchors harmless remarks in the last couple of weeks, either they also lost their shit when Chris Cuomo had the audacity suggested if people helped out one, another they quote, don't need help from above and quote. So, not the last time they freaked the fuck out over the remarks of news anchors in the next couple of weeks has virtually all verifiable facts directly or indirectly disproved their religion. Just sitting at home, yelling at the weather board mostly cloudy, unless the stars fall to Earth. You Liberal! Cop Right. Next of headlines. Louisiana. Is canceled really now, nor Orleans is Great. Is Great Food Great Music? Great Culture, but there's also gop state representative Danny McCormack in Louisiana, so first of all the people of Louisiana district one elected grown man who goes by Dan Yeah. Usually ran his campaign out of a tree house in which. Wasn't allowed. And according to Denny, the mask mandate that was recently put in place in Shreveport is very similar to a certain historic event countdown. The three. It's just like a political movement who in Europe one called the Holocaust and. Cost it's like the Holocaust Act and I had slavery Noah Twenty. I told you still a sore subject for them. They don't bring it. All right so here's a quick background on Danny Max just in case, Louisiana Republican didn't tip you off about what he's doing. His campaign site, which again is I'm pretty sure a physical message board in his treehouse is heavily focused on enlisting a prayer team. And since he was election last year against Democrat in the swamps of Louisiana, that prayer must be working, so he's sticking with that plan and his main goal seems to be preventing the LGBTQ agenda from quote, threatening the First Amendment freedoms of speech, expression and religious exercise now I've no doubt that his constituents have trouble with their speech. I. Don't think he's focused on the right cause of that problem I'm going to guess his constituents have trouble with exercise. And of course he's also pro-life. Except not for the people you kill by refusing to wear masks and public right. He's more concerned with the whole cost of mask slavery, so he made a facebook video to explain. And his very serious political message from a grownup starts with him, holding a blow torch and burning a mask all right grownup has an asterisk next to it if it's a guy called Danny Danny the fuck up and do anything. So according to Danny quote. People, who don't wear masks will soon be painted as the enemy just as they did to the Jews in Nazi Germany. If the government has the power to force you to wear a mask. They can force you to stick a needle in your arm against your will. They can put a microchip in. You can even make you take the mark of the beast. She says after all. It's for the greater good. Quote Credit. Where credit's due nice foreshadowing on the anti vaccine stuff. He's going to say in January yeah right. Already said, but here's the most terrifying part of that statement, right? He's the government that's him. Right I would love for him to demonstrate an intuitive understanding of the difference between mandating fucking safety equipment as low jacking his constituents. Although I, do think maybe they should low jacked the constituents in that talk. All who votes for Danny Yeah you know we microchip dogs. Is it like you know what I want? Plastic cones around all their faces known. For Safety, absolutely really big ones six feet, yeah, and just in case, the visual aid of the blow torch wasn't making the message clear. The elected politician named Danny proceeds to take out a chainsaw at that point. A surgical mask with a chain. SAW Is Amazing for a couple reasons first of all it clearly took him. So many tries to pull stark chainsaw, so we get a really awkward like windows movie maker Star Wipe Cut. He finally got the Transall going. They use that cut and then he tries to dramatically. Cut through surgical mask. With a chainsaw which doesn't really work? Expected I. I can't imagine what the victory has had. Success! Image his head looked like because he just hung a mask from some fishing lines on the video. It looks like he's got a floating mask to a magically and as soon as the chainsaw gets. Mask it kind of blows away a little because he obviously can't get the impactful slice. Citrus! Face. So. They cut away. The video. Almost touches a mask with you know that there's an extended cut somewhere. Where wraps around his neck at one point? Takeaway McCain Sell Santa Ground See. They're dangerous. Tire. And in fresh wince of Bel Air, deuce actor musician and a guy who both totally let August Alsina plow his wife and was in the movie after on purpose. Will. Smith took to the Internet last week to tell everyone quote, do not elect people that don't have God and love in their hearts. Okay I. mean you got to do lot of cardio to work that stuff out, isn't them? Yes, during an interview with CNN, political commentator Angelo Ri- On her show on one Smith. A voluntary participants in the movie wild wild West instead of taking the role of neo in the Matrix. That man was asked about today's political climate and responded in part quote. The problem is in the hearts and minds of people, so it demands that are tension. Begin on our heart. And minds as the country. I would hope. Right now. Sorry that sentences too much for me I would hope the part of what we're learning right now is destructive aspect of loveless godless leadership. Do not elect people that don't have God and love in their hearts and quote, not adding August Sinoe, who looks like someone prepared. diddy is a fancy desert told. Off. They'll see looks like a hot air balloon pirate and I love the idea. Though that the chief lesson that we should take away from watching the most religious people in the country run things for a while is how bad it is for non religious people to run the fucking. Side note to that. Don't want anybody to be hurt. There's nothing against letting other people. Fuck your wife letting other people fuck your wife Downright neighborly. It's letting August. They'll seen a fuck. Your wife and I'm going to judge Will Smith for that Neck Tattoo. Went through the story for a while, somebody had to say front of neck wrote Tattoo, which has also just small well kind of big thing. I feel like letting isn't the right verbiage. Encouraging rooting for bandying about. Good now Smith's credit, he later clarified in an instagram. Comment quote just to clarify. I'm not talking about Church or religion and quote. Will you talk about God? Little too late. Right I mean depending on how you ask. Almost a third of Americans have none God in their hearts, though as Hemmitt Meta pointed out one of the best responses came from men, DC Thomas of the black nonbelievers who commented quote? If love and compassion is what you're referring to the no belief in God is required. Please stop stigmatizing nonbelievers with statements like this. You've already expanded your worldview when it came to your marriage. In here. Not. Adding by which I mean, you let that Bar Mitzvah Dj who wraps like an anti-smoking commercial. Take your wife. Yes, and honestly fuck his non-policy Bullshit. This would be the equivalent of saying hey. I wasn't talking about the Jewish religion when I said Jim down a few bucks. What you guys so pissed about? That's what will Smith did in response to the PUCK and controversy. Yeah, and well allied Heath get a few more August Alsina insults out of their system. We're GONNA word from this week. Sponsor Him Snuff Daddy. Forums Dot. com is all about men's wellness. 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If you're not happy with the results after ninety days, hymns will give you a full refund, and right now our listeners can get their first visit. Absolutely free just go to four hymns dot com slash scathing. That's for him. Dot Com slash scathing, full refund of price made available for the First Ninety Day. Supply Refund request May between ninety and one hundred and eighty days after product shipment delivered prescription products required online consultation with the medical professional will determine if prescription as appropriate restrictions apply. See website for full details, an important safety information. And, in D., platform, nine and three quarters news. Check. Don't let J. K.. Rowling talk on your platform just a good policy right now, really always. The story now it's actually not about that. It's about Bethel Church in Redding California Oh, I, love these guys, which is home to a seminary known as Christian Hogwarts, and that nickname comes from the strategy of their evangelism, which is almost entirely based on. Whatever DVD. Recently in. DVD player that they own their, and that's why they recently held a service during which they. Cancelled racism. Like all of it by harnessing the power. Of Gandalf one they can't did. You shall not pass. So you know the the racism is not gonNA. It's not gonNA be passing. If it passed. Wouldn't it be elsewhere? Because a lot of. Trouble with their theory here. We've sitting backwards on a chair, so you can wrap it. Kids about Jesus was a school. It would be BETHEL church seminary. Yes what and by the way if sitting backwards on a chair, so you could wrap the kids about Jesus was a strategy to combat racism. It would be a bunch of white people misquoting a racist, and then patting themselves on the back in calling it a day. Yeah. and. Here's how the GANDALF's spell happened back to that service. They had the leaders of this church then seminary there giving a presentation about the power of Apostolic Decree. Which means talking, but but like really hard and yeah, then they introduced the headliner of the whole presentation. A grown woman walks onstage, wearing a gandalf costume. Which is a tan sheet from bed bath and beyond and she's carrying a magical staff. which is a magical staff from bed bath and beyond? They got to justify the beyond. She starts describing the movie scene with the the ball. Rog Fire Demon on the bridge in complete exhaustive detail that I. was like Patton Oswalt doing so good and that includes the two times that Gandalf bangs the staff on the ground, and it doesn't work which which is actually not what happens in the movie, but according to this woman. GANDALF finally bangs to staff a third time. Apostolic Louis and yells. You shall not pass. He yelled that Apostolic Lee this time. He said something similar earlier the. Normal decrease this was apostolic, and then she makes everyone on stage. Hold the staff like with her awkwardly in reenact the whole thing and everyone's like. Yeah okay, you, you shall not pass great okay and. That's why we don't have racism anymore that what happened to the racist weird casually takes off the GANDALF costume. Okay, that's racism lunch. Everybody dairy, Queen. Do Julissa. Just one other quick side note in the movie right after the big, you shall not pass moment the bridge they're on collapses. The the ball Rog starts falling into a chasm and holes, Gandalf down with him with a fire whip, and they end up in a magical battle that concludes with Gandalf getting killed eventually, but not really sort of he gets brought back to life and officially transitions from Gandalf the grey to Gandalf, the white, because Jr token was a big fat white supremacist. and. That is how you defeat racism with the ball rock. Exactly okay, I got. or by throwing old white guys at the chasms, lot of options from Lord of the Rings thing you go. And an Famil- to news, a viral wave has struck our nation touching. Almost every household saw you hear about in the news. It's Oh you read about on social media I'm talking of course about Hamilton. Gentlemen okay thoughts on the hip hop historical phenomena. Well if you enjoy virtue, signaling, your hip hop cred by praising a musical about the guy who created or whites-only banking system. Will Love Hamilton Thought that the bribes were really clever and the flashback stock. fucking downs at no question. Whatever okay well I like virtue signalling my Apopka. Well sadly, it turns out that not everyone is as big a fan as we are namely the just under five thousand moms that make up the group one million MOMS who are areas. That one F bomb was left Newman courting available on Disney, plus yeah, the Word Fuck in Hamilton is the big ethical problem with the Disney Corporation that's. Let's let's Watch Dumbo in those adorable crows, right, yeah! Yes the care onslaught. That is one million MOMS who listeners may remember for their Sh- multiple times. They've thank you the multiple times. They freaked out over gay. Disney characters took to the Internet to write Disney CEO Bob. Chapman a strongly worded petition, which as of this writing, has nineteen, thousand, two hundred thirty nine signers, a number, which fun fact is also lower than one million. It is, it is yeah well. You know it's an online petition, which as we are all aware are notorious for ensuring that each name represents a unique human beings so. That would one million MOMS are allowed to cheat. They can crack twenty now, not quite so Here's what some number of MOMS had to say quote. Disney's decision to allow even one Edward to be heard on its Disney plus platform a platform that Bears Walt Disney's name, and that is market directly, and primarily to millions of families with children is shameful. Really you're going to invoke Walt Disney's name. Into Cumin. Money to the Nazis Disney. Highly reconsider the language it includes in its movies, shame on Disney, plus for allowing even one f-bomb along with other multiple uses of profanity to remain in the film Hamilton. It's just too much and totally unnecessary on a streaming service for family and children. Disney has left conservative and Christian families, no other choice. But to avoid Hamilton's since. Language goes against their beliefs and values, and our culture requires us to cancel fuck, okay, hold on. I'm. GonNa. Write myself a Harper's letter. I really confused when and Yeah, not adding love the for MOMS to bitch you about putting a sorry about the racism message before songs of the fucking sale. And finally tonight in I. Think I can no span tastic. Kind of Kenneth Copeland ordered corona virus to cease and desist all pandemic activities in the name of Jesus for real this time the charm. This is just the latest in a long line of magical eradication. He's declared over the last several months and Muslim person who never says anything to their dog, but set of eventually. This is going to work. And a few of his British nurses are playing dead to maybe he is. Off. All right, so you'll recall his first effort just out of its share craziness. This is in the second week of March this year. It took the form of him telling US viewers. He could heal them through their TV's. If they touch the screen while held up as oily hands and recited as Jesus words. Yeah, I mean Vernice, normally, a finger painting Goblin does have some magical powers. Work that's known right. Yeah, and of course this came immediately before he reminded viewers that losing their job due to quarantine is no excuse to stop sending money, even if ten percent of their income is zero at this point Noah a tube full of fifty percent demons is still a tube full of demon snacks, right exactly exactly, of course not all Americans touched the screen with oily hands on it, so a couple of weeks later declared covid nineteen to be finished, and said that a vaccine would be available forthwith, but we after that he became the darling of my twitter mentions when he once again magically eradicated the virus this time by spitting on. On it since then he also declared it was over again, told his viewers they could cure it with their faith, and showed off invisible Cova Shield on video, and then as if counting on his entire congregation to be Alzheimer's patients and people with the fucking Memento Guy Disease. He prayed it away again this past Sunday demanding that quote, get out of their city in the name of Jesus and quote, so as of today there is either a Christian. God or Covid nineteen cases in the Dallas Fort Worth area. It can't be both and while we double check which it is. We're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli thanks as always do. When we come back touching it, I'm sitting. Next to you. When we come back the talk, it'll start up again. WHO. We last left off on the Bible before Eli baby was born. We were at the part that didn't matter. Because there's no connective tissue to any of this Goddamn book, and thus you can jump in anywhere and context, or no none of it will make any fucking sense so with that refresher. We're going to dive back into another installment. Tub Bible piece. And there was a man of Mount Ephraim whose name was Mica, Eilly how who was saved from the days of Moses with Jews filled in their bricks with the blood of their children, his mother was Delilah who survived the destruction of Samson and now lived on Mount Ephraim with the money given to her by the Philistine. What the fuck is all of this none of that stuff is in the Bible, no, it's not, but it is in the rabbinical commentary. No, no alive. We are not adding rabbinical commentary to Bible Piece Theater. No, but up there's angels, and there's baby blood, and there's a fire-breathing prostitute in Idaho commentaries. But. It's also hundreds of pages of nonsense, in addition to hundreds of pages of nonsense, absolutely not okay, but what if we run a Bible? Dude at this rate? We're GONNA finish battlespace theater on your fortieth birthday. Oh. Yeah so never correct never. And there was a man of Mount Ephraim. Whose name was Mica. How and that's all we know about him. Because the Bible is crazy enough without three thousand years worth of ally, citation needed essays piled on top of it. In member Graham below lady member member. You, deal in mom. Oh Hail Mica. So. Mother Du? The you remember that. Lintel eleven hundred pieces of silver that we're stolen from you. Do. I ever if I ever catch the motherfucker who tricked out my loot out skin him alive. You will know darn tooting I'm GONNA put a spike in their Dick. Colon kick him in the stomach to play darts sweet Jesus I'm going to grab either side of that, but cheeks and turn them inside out like fuck and cuttlefish. You Watch me. MOTHER MOTHER! It was me I, did it. Oh, it was. Yeah I'm Gosh Darn sorry. Here you go. No Mike I forgive you now. What say we take some of this money and make a statue played about how great goddess? You'RE NOT GONNA. Do that thing about fitness spike in my. ECHO! Oh, don't be silly. Everyone makes mistakes and so it was with Jewish mothers forever after. What did you say nothing nothing nothing. Lulu Dune leave right stuff had stuff is my favorite stuff well Levi Alley. HOW LEAVE A teen? Oh, oh, Hey, they're! Just quick. How'd you know? I was a levite? Got None of that hair on top. You Got Chrome on your home. Cool, we'll talk. Don't go. The. You WanNa. Maybe come in my house. Live there and be my priest. I'll pay you and you just like my son. Okay wait, which is it? Are you GonNa? Pay Me or I be just like your son. Yes. fucking I'm in. All those of you who are wondering this is my son, Levi. We share no blood. Gosh darn it if he isn't my life, he came from Bethlehem Judah legally of course. Six years ago and he lives with me and from. And I am so proud of him Gosh Darn Italy darn proud of him, raising him has been the best most rewarding thing I've done in my life, what? What are you doing? The remember Matt Gaetz with his weird son. Assist indeed. Oh God. Yeah, forgot about that. Wow Yeah okay twenty twenty. Twenty twenty. And the children of Dan's sent of their family five men from their coasts, men of valor from Missouri, and from Asheville to spy out the land and to search it. Lulu pre stuff pretty stuff is my favorite stuff. Oh, Hey Leroy. Hello, because you're bald. Didn't actually ask how you would know that. Doing here enough? Oh, I'm the priest here. Yeah! How's that? It's pretty sweet. So for statue and Best thing they're pretty cool wall silver start. You earn of US Open Steel those. You, what nothing now thin? Hey does God have any advice on? Where we should go, oh! God is going to lead you wherever you go. Burn share Robbie later what we'll see later. Did you. then. The five men departed came to lash, and saw the people that were there in how they dwelt caralis manner of the Sedonia NHS quiet and secure. There was no magistrate at the land that might put them to shame in anything, and they were far from the Sedonia and had no business with any. Waterloo just say he said. Their land is nice and we can attack him Oh sorry. Health care the Dan Nights. That's him, so tell me what did you find? Do. There's this land called Larsh at pretty sure it's pronounced. Lash right that one and we can kill them and take their stuff. Oh, that sounds good. That sounds good. There's more there's a guy go. Who lives nearby and he's got a statue in a vast, and we can take it on the way. ooh, awesome, awesome! Who at the leave yours lever to we can take that to. To that's what I was saying. Okay, back it up exact, that's great. That's great. Lift your side. Out Don't. It's real sober, okay? Hey. Guys what you're doing there. Oh, where we were stealing my Christoph. What why? because. We wanted it. We plus you should be our priests way better. Hey! Hey Mike. What do you fellas doing? Immune. What's it look like we're stealing your stuff and your Levi? What. No. Please don't do that. Up. As. Yeah, then we'd have to kill you. got. A come on. Darn it? Wait, is that the end of the story he s it is. Could you use your month to read ahead? Yeah, super relaxing month, thank. You had a ton of time to read so wait. They just take Mica stuff, and that's the end yet pretty much. Man spoke as bad. Can I have a month off for not having a kid? Like five weeks actually. Cheese. And it came to pass in those days when there were no kings in Israel that there was a certainly vite so joining on the side of Mount Ephraim who took to him a concubine Bethlehem Judah. You Suck I WANNA go back home to my dad's house. Wow, horror much. What putting the book that you were a whore Birkin. Because I went to my dad's house joost. Cut Hit Well if it isn't my son in law, the Leigh Light, what can I do for you? Hunker buoyed in there. Yeah she she is. It's her mother's birthday. You see and we were all. Back told her to stop. Here's a little whore and come back and be my concubine having cake. Tell you what why don't you stay and party with us for a couple of days, and then you can take my daughter back as your concubine. You only. Hold. Those rose five days of drinking and eating, but I really should going with your daughter. Oh so soon. You don't WanNa. Stay for a while longer. We're GONNA hit the road well. We headed with my daughter. No, no, we'll figure it out. Great to figure it out every father stream we wrote I, said more wine. Yes, sure why not? Man Husband we've been walking forever. You sure you don't WanNa. Stop in Jed for the night. What no! Those guys are strangers! We're going to give you a trust me is book is nothing. If not repetitive, we get there. There'll be a kindly old man who's going to take us should and feed us. You say so. Okay well. We're here in Gambia. Can we find a place to sleep now? No need. We just stand in the and wait. Wait for what? The old man I was telling you about trust me, wait for. Excuse me through. You wouldn't happen to be from Ephraim. Would you reward? Ephraim Okay well don't stand there in St. you WanNa. Come stay at my house. We would love to. Thank you. All right all right whatever. As, they were making their hearts Mary behold the men of the city certain sons of Belie- beset the House roundabout and beat at the door and speak to the masters of the House. yes, hello, hello, are you a good person? What are you doing? What men Giddy? No, no, they're. The men of Gambia also pretty sure you did this joke. Okay, look, we are about forty seconds and three sentences from gang raping someone to death in this story so I ask you. Do you WanNa? Do it straight voices. Do you WanNa do it as a bunch of ray confidence, the bunch of a jury comforts I thought so. Anyway give us gift, so we can six with him. Oh fuck you thought you knew the book. Although to be fair, this is still repetitive, though okay. Well, what the hell do we do now? Will you accept my virgin daughter instead? May. Never thank you. Hobo, whose daughter and my concubine, what the hell are you doing can? Appreciate it, but can have piece really looking for you really. The goal well all Kokomo final offer. Give it a cabinet, and so the men of Trivia. Did you know her an abuser all night long until she was de? Which is super, not funny and impossible to write a sketch about so instead. Of Ray Comforts Gang, banging on for what? I mean that's pretty fun. Anyway, sorry about the attempted gang rape. Don't blame yourself man. That kind of stuff happens. Oh where she is. At least they returned right. Yeah I guess. So, what are you GONNA do? Know exactly what she would have one. What's that? Going to go to twelve pieces Miller, all over Israel, really that that's. What she would have wanted Oh for sure yeah. Hello. Package for you. Yeah you can just leave. It need to knock. No I need you to sign for it. Oh! Okay right there. And Dare. Who What is? Dear tribes of Israel closed. You'll find a piece of my perfectly good concubine that the men of Gabia five death. Please join me in warring them best the LEVITE. Well Yeah. So. You're going to go to war. Oh Yeah, for sure. Yeah, just buck a guy's perfectly good concubine. Right Linda Society. Then all the children of Israel went out of the congregation was gathered together as one man from Dan, even to Beersheba with the land of Gilead upon the Lord in Minnesota High God God oh now. They want to hear from me. Yes. What do you want? Okay, so someone raped or buddies concubines. And we were thinking we'd go to like you know. War done sounds great. Okay. Like, it's a good idea and will win or Whatever you'll win Joe Biden a win whatever great! So who should go first God so needy? I, Dunno, Judah Judah. Okay Judah we'll go first. You Seem Kinda Mad. You being weird. What mad I'm not mad. You Israel. Never call ever right. Donate Judges Quarterly Mad. And the Children of Benjamin came fourth out of Gabia and destroyed down to the ground of the Israelites that day, twenty and two thousand men. Wow God that did not go well. Are you sure we're supposed to be fighting? These people is going terribly. No totally yeah, you're supposed to. It's my bad I got distracted because I was checking myself out in this mask I mean. Do I not look like the lone ranger? Yes. Sorry just back back to my thing. Are you sure we're going to win a totaling superstar? The last time we talked the media twisted. My words is what happened? No, no, you you just. Directly told me what happened. No I didn't. Okay. And Benjamin Wynn fourth against them out of Gabia, the second day, destroyed down to the ground of the children of Israel again eighteen thousand men. I-, God. Who You? The new guy s son of Elliot's are the son of Aaron the I Guy Phil. Quit says he's working on a book I'm sure that'll be fine. Right so anyway, We were wondering if we should you go fight the Benjamin nights again and yes, his should but this time. Yeah. Sneak attack. I'm sorry. Sneak attack like you go. We're going to fight you, but then you ran away and then you know, sneak attack. God sneak attack. Question and not that I'm challenging. You're already, but. Why didn't you just tell the sneak attack in the in the first place I did? I mean that's not what feels book says. The never mind. Okay everyone good. What a great war great war? Of course now we're pretty much out of the tribe of Benjamin. Because we massacred them. Oh! Yeah, right right, but no worries. We're going to go around and. Steal up wires, daughters, you know. Get those numbers back up. And from way. With from GIBBES Gilliat. Those guys didn't show up to the big meeting this year. So you know welcome literally. We're still need like. Towards more virgins, weird that you would have that number off the top of your head There is a big festival in Shiloh. We can get on from there. The woman there dance and everything so. Fine so it's like Coachella. Better hope not if we want urges. Come on site was. Products fucking brides has you can't say anything anymore. That is. Judges, so wait sorry. All of judges is about how bad it was not to have a king in Israel, so it's just like a series of Shitty short stories pretty much, yeah. Let a whole month. Okay, so, what did we learn from judges then? Well so God the Jews is. The judge tasked with guiding. But you are not. The people. Net. Jay I'm left hand. His people angered. But Oppressive Fat Lord. took her and shoved it so ben is Gut that at Gulfstream. Deborah! Judge saw vision. Upon which Jews made decisions Sarah's. goes with. As a stake of thirty. Do. God's. So quickly. Learned once again. That God's a testy forgetful. Then, there's Gideon. WHO's kind of? Feels Moody and nights with trumpet. Bass tricks with three hundred. Achieve something. To believe as Dada Zach Snyder. Gone up to the. His campaign did. Kill the first person new Oxford, who is Dr There's a been left from just south of fray him. WHO figured Jews? We tried to kill his brothers the. Recover and suggested this subject shoots. So. We learn once again. We'll get full. Once. Named Samson. He was strong. He was hands. He set fire to some cups. and. They placed a king's ransom. Demanded he succumbed law. But! It turned out that. Despite their hopes he broke through their ups and killed. With. Job, Came! This chick named. Samson had the urge to defy. What she she take from this club. Hello. June Before we put the masks back on tonight I. Wanted To let you know where to go. If you'd like more me in your life, I was recently interviewed by Chris Johnson on the podcast. A Better Life we had a really interesting conversation dove into a bunch of different topics. If you want to check that out, you'll find the link on the show notes anyway. That's all the blast we we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in ten thousand twenty two minutes with more. You can't wait that long. They look for a brand new episode of. Of Our sister show the SCRAT- debut at seven am eastern on Monday. And even sister's hot friend got off moves to seventy game eastern on Tuesday and an even newer upset. A half sister show citation needed debut at noon eastern on Wednesday obviously I'd fucking suck if I neglected to Keith for being tall Eli Bosnian for being short done for for being the voice of Fantasy and adventure loosened delusions for doing the warning, and promising that she is going to make it back soon for him, but Holy Shit. It's been a crazy couple months as. As I'm sure you've noticed also want to thank Chris from man. Cave pictures for providing this week's worth. You'll find a link to his website on the show notes as well, but most of all of course I. WanNa think this week's best bipeds guarantee go, bullock, -ality, Firfer, Gary and Thomond Guarantee Boa Calloway. WHO's IQ's are higher than I had to get to make it to the book of Mormon and Firfer? Gary and Thomas, who are so sexy girl in Canada. You've never met pretend. She had sex with them together. These six sexy secular second. Second Sacrilege this week by giving US money not everybody has the money it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a perhaps donation of around dot com slash scathing atheist, whereby early access to an extended version of every episode, or you can get one time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage, escaping dot com, and if you'd like to help, but not money giving way, you can also have a ton, but leaving the five star review telling a friend of the show or following. On twitter legal services, podcast vitamin P Andrew Torres Tim Robinson handles our Social Media and audio engineer as Morton clerk world, so royal the music of his in this episode, which was used with mission. If you have questions coming through all the contact, info the contact page at Scandinavia's DOT com. He's okay by Dr Dog. Sure okay. The. Preceding podcast was a production of puzzle. Thunderstorm LLC Copyright Twenty Twenty all rights reserved.