*UNLOCKED* Live at The Kennedy Center

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Hey everybody happy blade thanksgiving. This is Jack. I'm honestly ready to go today. I'm ready to I'm in the chair but Brandin still out of town for Thanksgiving He told me he's still munching on Turkey. Out there with mom and dad wardell so instead of Maine episode this week we are unlocking a Patriot episode. Right we're taking one of the episodes from behind the pay wall and we're putting it in front of the paywall so this week you're going to be hearing our live podcast from Washington. DC At the Kennedy Kennedy Center And if you're not familiar the Kennedy Center is a very prestigious venue It's like I think it's normally like an opera house. And the the people who perform their like sting and you know Italian singers and Yo yo Ma but we got. We got invited to do a live podcasts. There while they're opening a new wing of the Kennedy Center. And I'm telling you this because I think it's better to enjoy the episode knowing Knowing the vibe of the location you know so we we did this live pod. We brought out Felix Petermann of Chabot Trap House. We brought out Andy Hanes and Jimmy Johnson We had no plan and we just kind of went. We just went up there and talked and think you know thinking. It was disclosed kind of closed out a terrarium and for for the people who listen this podcast. I mean we had a you know people came out to see it but we have. We found out later that for some reason they were kind of piping out Stream of our live pod. God I think video and audio all around the Kennedy Center over the speakers and Including in sort of this communal courtyards space space where the grand opening was taking place and Most most people at this event and there are thousands. Most people were kind of like the donor class of Washington. DC and kind of older DC folks who are just you know museum enthusiasts. I just kind of wanted to the type of people that would go see see a new wing of a building the grand opening so we had no idea but afterwards we found out the entire life pod was piped out over the loud speakers and all these people were forced to listen for. NC for an hour. You're about to hear with no no consent and No context I really I really think that's worth worth knowing before you listen so without further ado here or is the Abbot still live at the Kennedy Center featuring Felix Biedermann Andy Hanes and Jamaal Johnson. Once again this is a Patriot episode the unlocking we have on even I mean we do a free episode every single week behind the Patriot on So our live episodes are back there. And if you're not a Patriot already you're missing missing one episode every single week So sign up for the Patriots on at Patriotair Dot com slash. Yeah but still and you could listen to all those and getting episode every every week an extra episode including new on this week which we will definitely be doing. Once brand gets home from Virginia. All right enjoy all right. Good evening everyone one. Welcome to the live recording of yet but still lose. Welcome to the stage. Your hosts Brandon Wardell and Jack Wagner. Oh walking cares if the Mike Pretty fucking cool all right well. Every day I feel like wait offset so boys welcome. It's it's my honor and duty to be welcomed anyway. bestselling author Documentarian Bodybuilder Gamer oh yeah. These are technically all things I did. You actually break it down. It's true and now Kennedy Eighty Center performer. I it is crazy that we're here. It's really funny because everyone else who performs here is like. It's like a white person from northern Virginia. Who for some reason knows how to do Mongolian throat singing? Yes it's like some everyone everyone else are. H You perform series like I did some shit. They learned how to do for twelve years. And I'm just like yeah I fucking love. The computer up and hanging on the computer says I was like twelve. Yeah sorry my job by the way for the listeners at home where recording this in the concert hall this is seven thousand. Seven thousand people in the crowd right now hopper house yeah. This is the biggest biggest ruin the candidates that there are. There's like fucking fifty rooms. I don't know where we we are underground. I come in here on my. I have never seen so many rooms. Whoa the a heck of a freaking out? I'm like whereas was too many rooms three three rooms. We don't need anymore. Yeah let's give it up for that. I wasn't planning on playing. I've been playing. Okay all right. If you're waiting for me and go for it. Yeah somebody broke it. Where where are we going to steal the embassy? We're by the Saudi embassy. Yeah we are we across history from the Saudi Embassy Felix. Zabel I am doing. I am doing double show with Michael Richards thereafter. Everyone stopped by yet. I'm I'm excited for the new Michael Richards. Special is he dropping dropping especially on red box. He's just hanging out by red box. Ah playing discs. Oh this your commotion. Bring them out. The we weren't we weren't really is this Massey. This really messing the Georges like well. You just left it. Open an indie standing there looking at. It's an automatic door ords. Now it's automatic. You Open it a little. It opens although there's literally a woman holding shut right now. Oh Wow yeah. She doesn't work here she's just made an attendee do that. You're going to get arrested if they'll let you into the show eventually. Welcome Eddie thank you. Hi everybody hanes everybody in the building the meeting any Hanes we just we just got off a run man we gotta to city runs. Yeah Yeah third talk about your drive. Last night I I heard about Brennan was added out. Abby adderall sound like a drug addict. I'm putting it out there in the world too though. No I don't I really isn't don't tell people yeah but I'm talking about uppers. which is this is this is the these are drugs businessman? Like I'm not like I'm not some fucking like we have a long right off. Oh I'm Rippin bong-sul uh-huh Oh fuck I'm rippin Boeing's I WANNA chill out. I'm like no I want to taking adderall. And do writing work and last writing thing. Last night he was driving. He was tailgating semi trucks and raving. About how good the new charlie x x album. Just telling me about how great the composition of each song was while we almost die constantly. He's like I can't believe how good this is an Mike. We're literally going to die. I'M GONNA die. Listen Charlie execs to twenty ninety. Nine was great song. It's okay I like that. It's a really good album man. Yeah I gotTa Start Taking adderall. It's really good. You take you take attal but I have. Add probably maybe do we all do. I mean maybe I do. I might as well take adderall. You should just be like. That's how we should take drugs because we have the symptoms like I might as well take Feno. 'cause I might have pain. I might have had a surgery. Yeah Yeah No. Yeah no yeah. Cocaine was medicinal at some point in culture. It was in the thirties. You could buy a general store next to ammo exactly next AMMO. Yeah you go into a little cocaine because you have to. Yeah Yeah you you would have twelve kids yet to euthanize half of them. Yeah no that's just the way it was and then you know. Obama got in there in divided us. Yeah yes ruined this country and our long tradition of killing half Arken. Exactly I think Just spitballing here. But you guys want to sell like a really shitty street where shirt and it's just. It's it's an adderall pill but it has symbol for Congress and a dollar sign on it and it says attention democracy disorder So my thinking is we make a net loss in every shirt and we have a huge falling out over the nonprofits on profits and hate each other for the rest of our lives. That sounds perfect. Dude Yeah we should do that. I love it I man. Yeah yeah that's I mean fuck man I gotta I should have done at alternate I actually I figured you did. We'll say you're bobbing a lot. Well I'm just hyper. That's that's why because I'm hyper. I'm I'm terminally hyper. I just found out. I'm terminally hyper and my doctor said that it's awesome sauce. When I looked at the tests it says here that it's awesome sauce and it serious and a trippy? When my brother got back Afghanistan he was so random? Oh okay own. Entrance was wild insurance. Wait for a laugh. I love that while Jemal Johnson Johnson give it up. Hello we'll get. There's like Buddhist entrance of anybody that was really was. It was like some we weren't we didn't even you didn't even come out of the door that people incoming out of say your name and then all of a sudden just like sorry. I just thought that'd be Gauche. No that would not be unlikely. Gosh jump down like that would be elegant. You should have done. A Roberto came over each see apologizing. Yeah Way too young. A young to understand these aren't heads. They feel that they know this is like this is like a nice starting five. Yeah right now I want to go to court after I was your show. This is pretty good. Yeah good crowd. I got my parents to laugh. That was fun to have. They been into your shows before you are made them sitting in the back though you answer folks front and Center. I didn't put them there. The bill Kennedy Center put them learn no like I brought them there before before. There were any before anybody was seated. I was like these back corner joint. I know I should would've done that. Look good but honestly like I walked. I walked my parents in and I was like all right. Mom Dad like you see the room. It's a big room. You can sit anywhere you want. Talk to test them. Yeah but I. I assume that my mom was test. Nah Your parents are so striking looking lagman. Urine an exact mix of them but the funniest possible way. It's almost as if these two people had sex and gave birth to a child. It's it's almost as if I mix of their genes. Yeah Got Your Dad's Dick Though you know so you know it's good. Well Andy Andy was saying in my parents basement last night and me and my dad double teams who I got. I got roasted by the war. Dell's last night. They did a whole Eiffel Tower. I always wanted to go to Paris Paris. I love a father son jail why I love that. We're talking about the Kennedy Center. I don't understand. This should double down three years ago. It was only like regular. Ask comedians in here. They ain't even have anybody would have guitar. It was getting fucked by everybody. Uh Yeah don't take pictures with anybody but you guys can spit roast me after the show. I'm dislike pringles can with it lives on either side fully like to visual i. I was way too visual that we were ripping. I took an adderall. It and that's why I made my parents go to Robert Glass Bor. I wasn't going to have him coming here list. Your parents aren't here. I told my parents like as safe for the life partner. My mom was like I think we're going to go home. which probably for the best he doesn't want to? I mean my hi. Dad Wants to leave last night in the past. Yeah exactly yeah. My Dad asked me recently if he could buy a podcast at best buy. That's how much he understands. I told my mom told me that. She bought an ipod game. Stop the how. How did that work in like a bag? I would guess next. I imagine it next to the mad cats on the wall with the stapled like cardboard I would never I would always give the mad cats. That's controller to like the kid I didn't like of course. And then I I had the wavebird with a what. The NINTENDO waivers wireless. It's the first wireless. It's the first wireless controller. I don't remember that mystery. Thank you for for Gamecube Kid. I never had a game cube. I skip that one because I was playing sports in high school. Yes tube stupid. I was too competitive gears of war. You ever watch bad competitive game e game. Yeah the the wizards have the worst touquet team was able to K- team and they have a TV show that comes on NBC sports Washington and the reality show is them getting dog week after week after week. Or they're at a shoe store where they can't afford the Geordies It's crazy hazardous. Oh what are they wearing regular. You know his regular as possible both like macy's but not the poll. I'll Fani wait this is. This is a to K team sponsored by the wizards. Yes so the random yeah okay. That's a randoms. They had to try out in front of the actual wizard manager. He's the general manager of the Real Human Fools that play basketball and he also that reminded me of my favorite video. One of my favorite videos of all time of the face clan going into gave him stop to give back to the community already. You know what I'm doing. This is one of the funniest fucking videos ever made. You would know better than me. which phase members are in the video phase banks our favorite? You know it's like it starts out there like in a mall Westfield shopping mall and they're about to walk in this game stop and their pro Gamer. So obviously they'll get. They think they're going to get recognized. The community when you when you said phase banks there were like two people that applaud it. It's it's Adam twenty two in Lausanne Zan guys thanks coming. That's wild thing. DC bitches you Joe Henry Kissinger you're the real fucking guy ever I love you I love you homie. I would die for you. I met you eight minutes ago. Who's doing his speed ball with you in the Kennedy Center bathroom? You're so fucking real dude. It's banks sea bass rug and other people whose names I know instead of like my family members birthday. He's like people. I've just been watching ironically to laugh at them for ten years fucking now soul and it just have no idea when my mom was born. No idea it's just like checking through. I message chats happy birthday. I hope I got that right. Meanwhile remember every person who is in this video but yes they were. They were call of duty players in two thousand ten. So they go into the mall gamespot and they're like Yo what's up face clans here and it just a bunch of like fourteen year old shuffling around like two people in there. I have no idea during a school day. The dead game. Nobody is there. I don't know why they uploaded it. There's so how many filters and if they thought like that to not post things and not upload things like that wouldn't be entertaining that's true same with game star. Are you talking about mom's basement right now or oh well. They were in mom's basement. This is some other video Glenn has their own I. Yeah I didn't know what that was. Yeah you guys were talking. Mom's basement back by the way. Yeah Mom's basement where's describing you want your. This is uncle houseboat okay. Mom's basement is degree. It's McLaughlin Group for the twenty first century. It's that all I know is the one is the most famous video of like Adam. Twenty two little Zan phase banks and Kim Sar. That was the spirit era. Girl left this for real like we'll close if you open it a little it opens opens out of the way that had some strength do it. Yeah yeah that's tough door. It is weird one of the hardest garnered. This is such A. It's such a classy beautiful venue. These walls are beautiful but like this is by far been. I think the most chaotic live. PODCASTS were just doors are opening like it's haunted. It could be a ghost to ghost of. We'll we he wasn't here alive. JFK junior ranks one hundred percent one hundred percent I like I've just been scouring the venues or so many drops here. Well Do. They have a copy of the Declaration of Independence did did you see that. Yeah no and that's like the first mention of Cunanan history a down every to let you guys know that after the show I will be spinning over at the Saudi Arabian embassy. They just show your pass or whatever sure to the Security Act just spinning just you as a top spinning. Yeah Dervish it. I mean he's a any I mean as we've established it's not a top. Yeah Yeah let's stop that pill. Students considered like studying like policy or getting uncomfortable. Yeah Yeah who is it does feel very collegiate we're right next to Georgetown right right yeah and Gw. Okay there's some Georgetown. GW got a Georgetown. You've got the night in the cafeteria about them with linens. Is the print shirt that you went to a real respected university. Yeah big time. Yeah Yeah Community College Anybody Northern Guy. Okay we got nobody Annandale loud and okay fuck got a Dell is the one here no loud in the Alamo draft house. Bomas the crap home for two hours after this with. What Nova campus were you bridge? Okay Yeah Yeah I was I was Nova Annandale and then transferred to you. went to one class until one one day he doesn't. When you went to one class he went to one class one? What was the class history? I've like I know about this but I haven't really thought about until now. Here's go in there and you're just like not for me like you went through a full orientation tuition already visited. La Hey okay. I did all the I did. All the good shows right and two weeks later in college history class so then I go to some fucking like Richmond open mic. Nobody knew who I was and then I was like I should move. I should probably move to a place where I could be successful and and they have scooters right. Well this is this is I was like I got to invent birds collagen scooters. I have we looked at have. We talked about like the list like the Virginia Commonwealth University Alumni List on Wikipedia. It's not that it's not that impressive kissing buyers Miller. One of those are naive brother. It's in in terms of like the past like fifteen years or whatever it's literally just like me and the guy who created fortune and and both of US dropped out soon drop out of school guys. Yeah it's not a terrible idea. I'm with it. Yeah yeah drop out of school in the new four Chan. Did you graduate Felix. I did actually. Where'd you go? Well I went to the University of Saint Thomas Minnesota Oh. I don't even think I knew that that was an islands. But you said Saint Thomas University University versus Saint James. I'll be getting it okay. Wow we really are in. DC Wild. I did make sure he wasn't a donor here. I like. I did my due diligence but then again how would we know. Yeah Yeah Do. Did Wendy go to western Washington University. No cool all right. Whoever said in my dad did you fucking owned dude? Iraq's just run with that bit of crowd work for the next forty five minutes honestly eh that fucking rocks. My Dad did. Yeah is he here. I was just thinking about how like I'm pretty glad didn't go to college real shit because I if my dad knew what the Internet Internet was. What does that mean program? I JUST WANNA deal with problems man. Oh Yeah you know what I'm saying. Like like not online not plugged in whatsoever us. Yeah he's still listening to fucking Sola sees if he had the Internet. Yeah you guys wouldn't be able to share that tape all right. Damn is he already here. I wonder what happened to that tape. I know he thought I should way you talk about. What is the token show? Because I forgot is US alive part. It wasn't recorded. Who just having fun in a room? Yeah about Oh which lost it. Lost Tapes Arnaz laws. Tapes are so yeah. I grew up in Arlington Virginia. Immune like half my family. We all live over off campus road. They knocked our whole projects down. It's very sad and like so we were like my parents own his townhouse over there to call it a townhouse. Also a stretch is like wire level. You've said like slight row ship. Anyway we move out. My granddad dad moves in. We're helping him move out like a few years later. And I found like a big ASS porno tape vox. I'm like ten and it's like a big like porno in the nineties. Used to come in these fucking like encyclopedia sized boxes. It was like the same kind of box that the Disney classics come. Yeah Yeah Yeah. It's like to Disney two copies of aristocrats. Yeah right yeah and I find that my my folks are like you know. Don't worry about that. That's not that's not for you. I'm like okay never again. Will you ain't going. We're not gonNA worry about that. A few years later At our crib parents are gone. I'm trying to find some. Christmas is presents. You know I'm doing my thing and in my dad's closet. I find the porno tape. Same same one and I don't remember the name of it. It wasn't booty talk. It wasn't booty talked but it was something very in the vein of booty talk it was like a like a like a booty conversation. Yeah storebrand booty talk. It's like giant brand kroger brand booty tall tape. It's Lanta opened up the booty dialogue. Ele I find that she. Of course I want to jerk off to it was like I'm like in my fucking like seventh grade. Now I'm like this is fucking awesome. I thought I was being precise. I'm like I jerk off to the sheet. I rewind it back to the exact point I put it back. This is going on four months. Wait where's where's the VCR where's the VCR in the house VCR's in the basement pouring in puberty where they're just leaving me alone. Oh I was making sure not like a family room dungeon. Okay did you Jakov family-run jerk off in the family room me. Neither admitted yeah. My Dad's lazy boy. I never I I I would use the computer to get a boner sure and then not touch it no I did I did this. I like look at Stacey Keebler Japex and get super hard and then just like not touch it because I was afraid to just pray. Just pray I it. Please go away. I did that move I would. Yeah it goes into family. I would go to the family computer. Yeah I guess like type in like boobs was Indiana because I was like eleven and I'd be like all gas who's GonNa be remembering that in three hours. Yeah it is it is fun to to have an erection and you don't have to touch it like here's the thing. No Hey listen come on on okay. Listen I'm being persecuted for my actions. This is also a circle like middle school. This guy is leaving. He's going to touch it to. JFK wanted when he started. This is no like actually probably did. I mean just like the thing about jacking off right. Listen you have your fun right but then you finish right. Of course man I miss having an erection. Wait a minute the Boehner's your favorite poets is favorite sex. uh-huh getting hard. He gets bummed when it's inserted. He's like Oh do something. Let's keep it just keeps going. Yeah you just keep it just you know. That's just a sad home papa. Hop a blue shoe get rock-hard and then just like no hands. No hands just like lean came back. You know what you do this exactly what you do. You buy food saver. Okay okay. I'm listening right. You've you've been vacuum sealed. Your Penis erodes rick fresh forever now row lifelong long Boehner. Well another thing you can do like like you know transatlantic flight type deal. No one wants to. No one wants to get caught checking off in the bathroom in a plane. Of course it's the number one fear for all professionals so what you do is as you jack off and come on your stomach like you do every hour of every day normal the normal amount that every man does it but you bag it up and then just take it on the plane and just throw it on your stomach your back I see eh. Just take your load with you. And it's like you came to Texas accent. We laid off. The Hank comes the bring your own come from home yeah right. Yeah Hello Sharks. I have an idea. What have you guys ever wanted to come on yourself? But you couldn't jerk off. We'll have been having this problem fly. You've probably a lot a lot and I've been having this problem where they I can't pack more than two ounces of come on the planet. It's like a therapy dog like you can get get a waiver. I'm seeing all these guys in the plane. I know they really don't need that. I'm not GONNA say anything. Well you don't need you don't need that Ziplock. Bath Com fog. Were back now. Yeah it's brutal. You know this. This is the biggest problem with post nine. Eleven post nine eleven America. You know I have pre come on my tickets printed. GSA that's hard. That's when I was a kid we had I'm older than everybody here But you we had this like the cable was like this box. Osu's like Click Click. Click until you change the channel. It was like this was almost. I don't even know how to describe it. So analog how old are you. I'm AH eighty five thirty seven this like probably like nineteen eighty five. But you could you change of this little thing in the last channel was spice squiggly. See I could hear it and I would jerk off to the sound but it was like kaleidoscope and occasionally you'd see you like a boob or a Bush. Yeah I would. I scrambled porn. That's what you're describing Ed and so my TV didn't do that. Because I don't know it just didn't come through on my TV. Like like that. But I was friends with this large Irish family and the youngest the ones my age where the Murphy twins I did. Just I could have not named them but I did. It's big enough Murphy Murphy over Murphy. Let's read it. Let's find these guys. uh-huh them accountable. There's only a few murphy's in Chicago but they would. They would call me on my house phone. My mom would be like. Hey the Murphy boys are on the phone and they'd be like Jack. It's really good today. Come over like get on my huffy like like bike with pegs ride for twenty five minutes over their basement and then we're just sit down there and like maybe see a multicolored boop and just I'll be fucking torqued. Yeah just right and you were jacking up now. Jacking off and then we'd like to go have their mom. Make US dinner something we think about it later when I was. We weren't even jacking off back. Then we were just like seeing scrambled breasts. See The problem for me is that now I can only come if I looked through a kaleidoscope in middle school. Miguel go jaanus. It's no please. I'm interested home the last thing. Yeah if anyone knows Miguel Janas tell him hit. Who's telling him because I haven't seen him in a grip he? His folks had a illegal cable so they had to sheet unscrambled and this was back when I was like dubbing big. Yeah Yeah I had blank tapes so I gave him money. I gave him like a blank tape. He gave me three three hours of the spice channel. Okay and the sale starring Jennifer Lopez. Yes it's the hardest. VHS In the world is there is there isn't enough really fucking Tour de force in this ship so good. The Porn Wilson Awesome is. There is a nude scene in so I think so. Yeah it was the ninetieth Boob you blind Jalen never been nude side over a big pavilion right now. What's that we're in the Mister Skin pavilion? Big Big donor to this part of the the Ski Jumps Boehner. Yeah he was he was a Kennedy. A lot of people. Don't aw J J living does make sense it makes sense to choose on that tape because like Google images was created because people wanted to find the green dress in so many people were like horny for Jaylo that Google was like I guess we got to they make a new thing. That's literally why Google images honestly most technology exists because of horn. Insure Oh yeah oh yeah. Isn't that the army the very first thing that was sent on the actual Internet porn. I believe it. I think that's it was the Internet was created for like army army to army and the first thing they ever sent on the Internet was talk. Yeah doc might do you guys know the porn star Evan Stone Male porn-star. Yeah I don't I don't don't actually you don't fuck in those that was there is a guy that was like what home they tested. One one of the first three D. cameras was tested on him for porn like when they were first coming out of the I guess they they give the porn industry a lot of new camera technology. I so to see if they could like emblematic emblematic. But it's a video of him. He rides up to a girl on a horse and then he gets off and fucks or next to a tree and it's in three D Fox. The horse pretty low. Yeah Yeah Mr Hans was actually made to be watched in Three D. completely changes the tenor of the film's Guyana. VR headset and I'm so afraid to watch VR porn because just the idea of getting caught jerking gough tapping it to tell you there in the room. Yeah fucking yeah. You don't even as it. This is so realistic. Listrik patching you and you're like yes andy. She's dead. I oh I know I know what you mean because like I usually like control. Pov Ddr fad really like embarrassing. When people come in I leave I leave my door open a building obviously like I want to make friends hard to make friends in your late twenties so people can come by be like it was up? You know you can play on the computer if you want. I'll just be jacking off standing up on my. DDR PAT over here. You know my purpose just like a cool place to Vibe you notify Yvonne. I'm just walking down my hallway naked at like two. AM vibe. Check you get a high rise. Not vibe rise. Everybody everybody wants to jail is they. Don't WanNa talk about jail. uh-huh we're Bro. Didn't hit as hard as I wanted to do. I live I live in long vibrant city in Long Island city. But Bob's and said blends I guess maybe maybe we hit the peak on the VIBE riffs on realizing resing. Yeah you know I would have sold earlier if But that's the way she goes. The first of the first by check really hit hard and then then we were all like. Let's keep going like I think we we had enough earlier. And you guys. Yeah that's like they I ah legalized five. Always we're back acne. MAC keep coming back. Boys keep playing. I own said yeah like Saturday was at. FSU Florida State University. You know fucking. I Love College Vibes. You know you know but there is like these kids that came up to me after the show they're like. Hey man like you gotta come to our Party later. It's vibes themes likes thanks. Dm that you got in Virginia which won the won the random DM about coq. Au I like well I had done a show. Where do you remember? I did some. I did one of one of my hit cocaine and I had said said the line where I'm like. Oh I would like do coke if somebody had it and then it was like just kidding. I only do coke on the coasts. Wouldn't do Virginia Coke right and then some dude hits me like hey man I'd love to what did he say like. I'd love to show you some Virginia Coke or something like that. I love to show you some Virginia Coke that'll change your mine and I profile and he wasn't even following me. I'm not GONNA hit follow. Ah Yeah especially somewhere I got no. Nobody clips crowd route. Okay yeah no was born in two thousand seven. Yeah they they that guy that's about clips and then like the rest so you're like oh he's the guy on runaway push you're not happy with Glenn Fischer tease there's two groups of temptations okay. There's two gallagher's to make some noise. Never Seen Martin DVD. Before don't don't worry holy fuck whoever would that's ridiculous you need to watch that get. MTV Two and watched him reruns come on. Did you have a Martin Bay store here. We just curious. Now these are y'all live which parents issue right now. These kids you know. Look at them. Their mid twenty five I live with my parents like a good boy. Got a crowd of young professionals out out of real jobs clearance Pentagon metro every single sending inside a person. Seven thousand person capacity. Venue is wearing a lanyard. Yeah Yeah quick. Check in the crowd. How many of you are slated to be secretly executed for your crimes against against our president? Donald trump colluding with the peop- state and Obama's legally green appropriate. From Ring and child sacrifices and wiretapping. What happened exactly the whistle blowing? What is the what is all right? I don't know I got you on the report expert. There's all right yeah all right so so it turns out Glenn Simpson was telling Tall Tales. Els and Glenn Simpson actually does no Nelly or Nellie or did in fact contact Steve. Rambus Steve Rahm. This is going to spill all the beans on Tina lunch. Tina lunch wait. This is like Donald Sutherland. Speech to Kevin Costner. No also so okay. The is it. Hunter Hunter Biden. That's the funniest so like waving into the track. Had trump wanted to add man. I don trump was trying to get the president of Ukraine to find dirt on Hunter Biden but hasn't Hunter Biden. Spent the last like ten years just doing crack. Yeah Yeah exactly. And everybody knows like what are are they gonNA find. They're like multiple twenty page articles. That are like spending a weekend with the corrupt crackhead Hunter Biden and they're like trump's just like I hear he's Nasty Giuliani shittiest blitz calling lingyu truck raise a lawyer all the U. The Ukraine was the Hunter Biden. Work Ukraine Hunter one hundred fifty K.. A month contract contract with the Ukrainian government really. Yeah but not because crack. You're the best. Yeah they wanted to test the crocodile for purity. He's he's paying them fifty K.. Shipping him the crack. That's that owns that. Yeah that the global economy works in a way. Where like if you're the vice president is on this a major e you the government is just like yeah? We'll give you six hundred thousand dollars a year to try to call your dad. Sometimes I go mostly to be high on crack. It was the drug that they do in in the Isis fighters. Do Oh yeah in jeopardy. What is needed Captagon Cabinet? Oh I don't know about this. Yeah it's like the fennel of math I think they said they said because they'll send that we. The we are the lowest on the totem pole of Isis fighters. They're the ones from western China and you can be shooting them with guns and they won't stop running at you. Oh Wow awesome. I use it to exercise. I got kicked out at Equinox today. Just just posting pictures just lines of crush up captagon. You're like Monday vibe. uh-huh oh shit that's good. We've we have to shout out riffraff for normalizing coke use in that one music video and he's like holding snakes. You oldest dances for a minute. And then he leans down and does to line and starts rapping coke freestyle. It is really WHOA. You're Kinda Anti. He had his moment. He I'm anti riffraff. No Felix's Oh I'm not like you. He likes his old stuff. At least densely riffraff. You can't argue with you from G's to gents. Yes yeah yeah but I like the neon icon was like a good album okay. Okay 'cause my dad's favorite album. I don't have a strong opinion like you may be getting like. I don't have a strong opinion. I think he are you like. Hey the fan base there. Very toxic the riffraff. Beano I think I just I think it's like residual memories of living in Minnesota in unlike the late like white girls would like dress like riffraff on Halloween. The people who felt like riffraff epic they were GonNa get epic on Halloween a win. I mean you're a bouncer in Minnesota. That's like you probably have some horrible memories from that time. Not like horrible. Just just like fucking like the people you had to deal with your was it was like that my life was like shitty and everyone would come in and they would just be like like a local. WEATHERMAN would come in every weekend and he would put on like. What does the Fox say in Gangnam Style and he was like pride it probably probably the happiest human being I've ever seen in my life? Oh Way that just reminded me of a jukebox thing. You fooled on my birthday. Oh shows Sheila AIDS okay. Sorry they don't know what I don't have a excuse me all right salt and pepper and he saw them pepe fans salt and pepper on their third studio release The one with a good man Dan that CD the last song on the CD card. I've got AIDS and it's not a song dude interlude boyfriend and girlfriend being like you just what you have AIDS. I got shorty forty but yeah yeah I really wish we could get them to play it. It's a full three minute interlude. Yeah and it was on the jukebox. For some reason why yeah tunes why does touch tunes case. I don't know but it was pretty drunk and thought it was birthday vibes. I said Yeah I want yeah. I want to open a bar. where the juke boxes? They're just like this skits from eminem albums came. Aw Berman's Yeah Hell. Yeah Zero Music. Just all rap album skits basically story perceive Berman like dude. You can't put this out. This is to twist in here in a fire and then like then the news where it's like retorting on the scene young Jisi has been shot in pills. Those that is the new Edwards. Everybody is very sad. He was it's considered one of the best rappers. I'm alive mood in those. Are the best fucking wraps on video like we've talked about it before probably like videos from the late two thousands where would be like like a task force of the FBI the army and the CIA being like. We can't let Birdman getting on his home with Lita Chris. Yeah we'll be too good. We have to kill them. There's that video where Dj Kelly is like getting pulled over by the DA EA on a bridge and then jumps off the bridge. But he's so fat that it's like not really a good jump cuts to a stunt double. Of course we do. They should wait is he. Will they show him like climbing over. And then it's like a big stuntman off this. I wish it was just like I wish. Issue shows him like climbing over the C like a very physically fit man. I like the well I yeah. Yeah the late nineties rap rap albums it was like a lot of skits where it would just be like. Oh you're so good at sex. Fuck Biggie Your Dick is so big Oh slurp slurp out a lot. It's it's a song after those. Yeah I think that's I think that's like rap. Skits died because no one leaves each other voicemails anymore and the premise of every rap risk. It was like all right. Let's eat ludicrous. voicemails are like. Oh It's this guy. Mad that ludicrous fucked his wife and made her come. I mean in the last race car. Owner saying ludicrous. beat him in a car wreck fucking stupid. I mean the last great voice. There was one good voicemail song past the woman's Room uh-huh okay. You guys are acting that. You don't like Marvin's room thank you. I liked the ones that were just like in the mid nineties where it would just be like talking bragging to each other outside of a general store and then they would just see somebody and shoot them they they just make that guy now I grap you could tell it like. Ti like had wanted to have a background in theatre from his skits. Because there were like there were like a plots plots we're getting the best was also to work. Dip set man mizzle. Yeah misery funny amazing. Yeah then also. They used to play voicemails off their cell phones. You could tell because on the CD release you appeared fucking interference from the Nextel phones with the audio and it was just like girls yelling at them for like basically like past goes you. You know what I'm saying. This is like the nineties version of goes out on a voicemail yes go mock ups and shit camera on a fucking make me sick. uh-huh doing tomorrow and then you could just hear him laughing in the background. Oh God I need. I need another. Wouldn't last cameron album. I mean he came up with one and I feel like he doesn't get enough attention. I mean he's old old. Now I saw is doing it. He's ready. We're listening to kids who rainbow fish vibes. Now isn't not weird. That like every three rapper. That came up from that. What year was it? Two Thousand Sixteen by the way now real quick went to jail or something real quick and every single cameron thing. Oh Yeah did you. Did you see Cameron's instagram on nine. Eleven it's the first thing I go to the bathroom real quick but diane familiar with this. Okay well he's one of the bathroom real back in Cameron like on nine eleven. There's there's that song. Welcome to New York City right where it's like. Welcome New Paul goes we can leave it there you go. Yeah yes sir. Cameron actually teach nine eleven now. He's that song featuring featuring Jay Z. What's the like the line on that? Nine eleven nine eleven like they're like Bookham New York City home of the towers and like he posted a video. It's just like that song. And then just like footage of the towers. WHOA anyone anyone? But it wasn't like the towers getting hit tasteful tasteful honestly would've been it would've done uh-huh bigger numbers if it was getting hit. Let's be honest. Lost it that would have gotten more engagement. That's your all the boy. How do you guys feel about nine pro Anti Yeah you guys. Don't watch the eye on network right. What's that you have the tires? It ain't like all you watch is like just procedural is just procedural high on where you're GonNa Watch. It's like a kid when you're second from school energy that's my whole life activity. I'm just wanted to live like where it's like weird stuff on TV. Like do you think he won. But only only like people's Court is on mad about you. Your favorite cookie is snack wells for recklessly alone posttax. Okay Yes the devils foods. Oh tripping grandma's house vibe what it is like shape shit but I on they've been showing these commercials. They have first responders commercial okay so ion as a channel that is just cop up shows so for Weirdos who just like to watch cop shows and now I honestly the touched by Angel's sometimes bangs. Does everything everything that goes on Christmas break last year I binged it. That's highly recommend ginger cops of Heaven for the Lord. Yeah that's what that awards cop. Yeah that's what all angels F. B. I. A.. All cop to me all cops are Angeles. Honestly every cop show to me is an angel show Angel show a guy who a AH long story yes. So what are you into the bathroom. Also welcome back Felix Ion Network. They're just trying to get. FBI Agent Somehow no whereas XP interviews with FBI agents like the FBI. We need more people blah blah blah. And now they have like a first responders series where it's just people talking about how they were in nine eleven. They might die so they're just reflecting. Yeah work reflects on nine eleven. Graphic is what is it an ad for how no I guess they want people to fucking never forget it. It's just an advertisement for not forgetting and just two times a night in the middle of Chicago. PD Marathon touched by an angel. The ION network and cops other the angels of Heaven. Angels are cops but cops are the remind me you told me something. I didn't know that joke while you were in the bathroom. So all right well folded parallel. Thought it's how Edison and Tesla made the same inventions. Same Time you've really not got a huge deal. You told me before. I had no idea that Jordan Peterson was in rehab cab. Is this a known thing. Everybody knows it happened. The Journey Peterson went to Rehab for fucking open and for for for a second. Can't let me tell Ya for a second. I was like I dunno voted to make fun of this. Because it's like no like fucking benzodiazepine withdrawal. It was like one of the. It's worse than fucking opiate withdrawal or heroin withdrawal. But then it's like actually really funny that he's like future he's the character of the future portrays. So yeah no I mean. I do want applause for like the thirty seconds that I was too compassionate to do it and then the media second I I thought of very lazy joke for it I was like no. This is actually really funny. Yeah well it is funny that he's only eats meat right so he's just eating red meat and Jonathan. That's the only been yeah. He's like a bull Helmi models the jobs okay real quick okay real quick okay real quick just okay. Regarding thing Jordan Peterson all beef diet. This is something that's been sitting in my drafts for for a while and I haven't tweeted it. But it's to the tune of of money to blow Birdman Low Andrea but like you know like twenty four hour all shame on a twenty four hour our all beef di never tweeted a and nobody laughed and now I know why yes. I should've stayed in the draft. It's out of reach in front of a live audience. The work online out of Rehab. And she has. It's a really deep voice Jordan Peterson. He gets out of Rehab. And just like hi. My name is Jordan Peterson. Yeah I've been tomato sound like a frog. Nobody no he does Jordan. Peterson does sound like kermit. The Frog who does sound like Zoe Day Chanel L. Jordan Peterson sounds exhausted. Atieno should date and people are not. Well she's dating property rather now the yeah. That's really yeah like there's a certain type of person that is probably really excited about that but I'm not sure what type of person that is no. I don't want to meet them. You know the crossover between those genres both. Yeah like. That's the ultimate crossover. For whoever's like excited about that probably does work for the federal government. Yeah it's probably like ice agents honestly it's just some guy with a fucking pack of hot dogs for the back of his neck and he's like yeah. My wife loves the new girl with Put those those brothers Atiur Dacia turn those houses around so we're really excited and he's just a fucking sociopaths. That's like the guy who's into this idea so we've done like enough time right always wanNA close. I'll know if we've done like a really long time now. I think they've done more than eighty minutes. Okay almost a feature film. Yeah Well Almost one hundred minutes Aka an hour Yeah Michael Richards stuff I understand. Yeah well we'll get down to an hour that you know there's some stuff though we love on the cutting room floor ultimately. I'm pretty happy with. I'll sell you guys over at the Saudi Arabian embassy afternoons right. We'll John Mara we want all these people to come tomorrow right. Where is it looks birthday? Is that official party for Ricky Lake. Because I saw an official Ricky Lake Birthday Party. She's he's not coming though. Are you sure I found. Oh yesterday I see in my time line. She's not Ritchie leg. I want to come mm-hmm and then I see what she's responding to and it's you talk. Do you guys know guarantee lake. You know Ricky Lake. She had the Ricki he likes. Show nineties was that just people fighting. It was like a Jerry Springer and it wasn't they weren't fighting but it was sort of that like energy of like friends who had problems with each other like Oh Tunisia Anisia. Says that Sean our stuff to you know what did she do. Some really empowering stuff okay. Yeah maybe if you were shy I you know so are you. Are you throwing chic. My use unlicensed. Ricky Lake Birthday party on her birthday technically Mickley. She gave him a blessing. She gave me blessing after the fact after the fact were you tweet I wanna go. That's illegal contract. No yeah well. They posted that like Ricki Lake had quotes weeded. Like oh I wanna come and then you texted me like Oh my God. Ricky Lake just like tweeted at me. Should I deleted the tweets about wanting to fuck her I did. I did as soon as I could. Are you kidding how would you like to find. How do you keep them up? Yeah see that's that's the I went through all ninety. I was like yes. Leave him up. Yeah Laterano oh it's silk robe season I mean how recent were those tweets. This was like a month ago. I see them very recent away. What's the party's ladies tomorrow? I want everybody Levin. Am Son Cinema. We Uptown Mt Pleasant Cinema Tomorrow official. Yeah but so after party is tomorrow. I'm going to midnight. Yeah he's on at midnight. We're dropping the ball is in there. I have a hotel room in Bethesda that is somewhere else. That is somewhere all invited. Where's your where's your? I was your first open mic in. DC YOU say no isn't Seattle. Okay never mind that the first one I did. It was a Soho Coffeehouse on. It's like over over in Dupont circle where I discussed reaction shower. Don't they have my guy best chicken salad sandwich. Isn't that the best best. Dang Chicken Salad Sandwich size warriors though. Wait mine was yeah mine. Was Boston Mall. Yeah the ball same on comedy spot. My first time doing stand up comedy was the buffs in mall the third level. Oh yeah go to in Boston. No balls like B. A. L. L.. That was my first time ever doing Santa fucking Harlington okay. Boston Arlington's a little too big for you. You move right you go to balls we would. Yeah Britney's sports pub Brady's Woodbridge and actually the first time I hosted that Mike Doc Somebody got hit in the face with a glass Hennessy. Big Ass bar whereas two sides somebody gets hit the glass of Hennessy on the other side of the bar. The fight comes into the comedy road. The Guy who got his with the glasses in the front row or the show literally doing the Peter Griffin like likes and I'm hosting broke. You think I'm not about to ask you what the fuck happened. Come on I remember. Okay this is. I don't want to came. My Dad was their amazing. How many your dad came to an open well? It was the first time I was hosting it. I was Kinda Yeah. Let's cue almost died. Yeah it was Super Liddy. There's another guy here hell yeah. Aw Yeah Brady's was like was like very chaotic. It was awesome. There's one dude. Remember Josh Scott fought somebody yeah. There's this one that was like oh Felix. There's student open mic shows like he was like a five foot ex military guys and yeah he rocks. Yeah he had a real tude. It's so it's so weird to me like as a listener to you guys and like come out like I know so much about fucking Maryland. Nobody see comedy Welcome to hell baby. It Vision Hell. Yeah it's like my final fantasy series right. Yeah like you know who Irwin and Tom Myers. Yeah Yeah Yeah. You hear Tom's here. I would have been on the list. But the real after the parties at the seven eleven. He manages moral extra an extra. It's it's such a big spot it's also you two big spot my brain now just like the minutiae of DC Open. Mics from like seventy years ago. I don't know what like my brain just retains it. ooh We've talked about. We've talked about Keith. The comedian guy. We talk if you guys remember this on the podcast but I talked about how some of you. There's there's this guy who I remember. I was like seventeen years old. I was talking to my friend about like. I'm really nervous. Like ask this girl out. I had never had sex REX. And then Keith. The comedian comes up and he's like listen man. This is how you gotta Eat Pussy. I had I think like maybe kissed a girl once. And he's like listen man. You GotTa do the Alphabet with your tongue dude. which is that good advice? Like somebody point me the sand and things IOS also now. Jim gave us an update like he selling cookies selling cookies. You can catch a mash. Oh he's still doing his thing and he's now moving high end cookies with. That's what happens if you saw the ABC's with your cookies. No We'd salted Caramel House. Just gotTa catch him find his schedule. Are there just millions of girls out there who just were like whatever age they weren't like is this guy spelling in China it was millions it was millions millions. Let him do it and all of them hated. Ah The thing is that that's so because it's not just like clear what to do with your tongue. So where people dispelling the the alphabet just randomly on China in the middle in the middle of the vagina just like literally literally. It's against the Labia. You're right who the fuck is the only advice like I've ever heard from women like when I was before it was great at it. It would just like you know like a couple of girls were just like oh just goes slightly higher and then she meant on the alphabet she skipped. You are yours. I could tell you're stuck on. ABC Triax Wise. The upper case got to upper case or case what what boys date a man who can do cursive route. Yeah that's that feels great anima tomorrow. Eleven PM come through Grad succumbing. We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking news story. I'm Kelly Washington reporting. WPA channel seven witnesses. Say say that around one forty five this morning shots were fired outside of an Atlanta nightclub. Rapper Young cheesy was involved in the shooting. But at this time it is unclear whether he was a suspect. Respect for the victim bring you the details as they become available to way so most the most thorough lesson like Mike saw we ordinary people. You only get one like this. No secret take credit. Don't say credit. I got a thing gone. Wake me up this more giving me three. Three slow from kimmy fabric so every unclogged up every seen up in a way to look fair the four scout before career change in the clock clock enough to get going nuts dot ca in the wake of the more before.

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