How To Handle Sexual Harassment With Online Training Clients #35
Coming. Up on the online twin who show this is quite interesting. One of the ways that sexual harassment can present itself for you know in the online trainings fear is through progress pictures at the client and chooses to send maybe in the nude. And this can be something we can come across as totally innocent like ours like I didn't think anything of it. So I didn't think that you would mind. So sorry but then it's Kinda like well no, that's not right. Hello welcome to the online twain of show where we make sense of the online fitness world and help build you. Business Andrew doing life and have some fun while you're doing it I'm Jonathan. Goodman one you co host and I'm excited that you're here. Thanks for listening to this podcast is made possible by viewers like you except you not viewers your. Listeners Okay. Well, I guess would sponsors You know we started online business a couple of weeks ago and as as the leaders and online fitness business education for a lot of us we got to know all of the software companies inside and out. We have been working with them. I've been an adviser advised every major software company. So when it came time for us to build our system. I wanted to choose the one that we were going to work with the software program that we work with. That was going to be the right combination of ease of use We're going to onboard a lot of coaches very quickly to work without clients. We've got on five at the beginning, but we wanted to build a system. We could bring a lot coaches so. Very, very quickly. So it had to be really easy to use and to have the kind of automation had had the data that we. Needed in, there had to have an ANDROID APP in goes out and and so we decided to use PT. Distinction. and. It's not just because you know they were sponsors for show we decided to use after the options for what we need best and. Really really have been loving. So I can't recommend P. T. distinction enough if you're looking for online training software and normally they give a thirty day trial Feta check out the system but what they've done special for us in listeners show. So that's you is giving you guys a sixty day trial. So basically doubled their trial period really to make sure you love them. One of the things I love about that is it's not like a coupon code. It's nothing right like they're putting skin in the game like they're basically willing to let you try you everything they have for free for sixty is knowing that you're gonNA love it. So that you keep using it and that to me is a testament to just their own belief in the quality of their system, and that's one of the things that I look for. But I want to kick it to for a second when you one of our coaches in online trainer coaching Janda, and so you just owed it using the system why out two weeks ago and got in south. Hey Finding it so fun. You know it's It's very much like a like a like a pair of shoes for kid you know you can grow into what I love about is how simple it is at the French come up with that yeah, just. What does the analogy that I think that analogy was so perfect What you're talking about and I know you just came up with that on the spot I, idea. But but it is it is you know grow into it. So it it works at every level is what I'm finding out because I'm a little bit more complex as trainer I've been online training for a while saw been around been around the block as say, and one great thing about the distinction is it can go from simplicity to sort of explicit detail in a short amount of time. If you need more detail if your expert programming PD distinction, make sense for you if you're new to programming. PT Distinction is great for he's got a great library. So I love the fact that it will it will grow along with your training business. That's one of my one of my favorite things about it so far having engaged with it for only a few weeks. So you know I gotta Say I don't support your choices Jonathan we all know that but in this case. I'm willing to say possibly that you didn't make an error. There we go. So guys let listening and you want to get going with with that deal that special deal for extinction. Ignorant of the show notes this episode or just go straight to online trainer dot com slash P. TD and you'll see this coupon code just into it and check out and you'll get the sixty days to check it up next I, want to talk about the online trading academy for a moment. If I do with you guys. We, don't mind. What are you go? So the online trading academy and a lot has been happening with the quarantine. A lot has been happening with Kobe. A lot of people are talking about online training talking about how to do online training, what they're missing simply cart. Is The let of experience there are some things that you simply can't learn effectively quickly and if you're a Instructor if you somebody putting together curriculums. One thing that I've learned is that it takes a lot of time because no matter how good a system or strategy is you've got to kind of watch that strategy go into the world in be used for like a year plus minimum in order to actually get any reliable information from it, and this is what we provide you guys with the online trade academy. This is not something that we've put together overnight. We've been around since two thousand thirteen. Forty plus experts contributed to this. We had the senior coast development from Yale University do an independent audit on the learning styles of this. Just as one example, we've actually had multiple academic independent audits. We've had over thirty thousand people like go through this you know battle tested proven in eighty seven countries and all along the way iterative on an improved upon in ways that to be quite honest you probably can't really even tell if you're going through it you know what makes a great program is not stuff that you notice what makes a great program is conflict going with it things that you you're applying you're making use of the stuff is you're going without really even knowing just how powerful that stuff is. Then you look back at it a few years down the line like. Man They, prepared me for this. and. So I would love it. If you guys were to join us for the online trading academy, see all about I. Mean we've Got Guarantee Ian. No if it like we put on money while I'm man online trainer Dot Com Slash Academy sign up going into as little as seven dollars a month for twelve months we given to you that you will make a minimum thousand dollars with your online training business within ninety days of rolling it will give you your money back I. Tested out take. And and we'd love to work with you. That's the online trainer county online trainer dot, com Slash Academy we'd love to work with. Trainers. Trainer show we should have a podcast. So today guys I don't know if you saw the news, but but there was a big announcement today in our slack channel. Though the success of the podcast, she was it. was. Big, enough. We hit another success marker. Would what do we do? We? Do we number three? In fitness. In Lithuania. Right. He going smash. Up they know it's up shut up at the winning now now, Jonathan I was I was listening to so first of all I don't full transparency I. Don't know what we say on the podcast like people ask me what we've said and I don't know. I don't. I don't even know what we've said on the PODCASTS that we're recording lights later on this podcast gas, they'll be some reference and Johnson, will say something like Ren. I literally just said the and I won't know. So I'm listening to the being by Jonathan listened last podcast when air today got a crazy Jonathan Goodman story about sleeping in a cave in. Thailand or something. Okay. By centipede or something Abbey you got bitten that. There was a fungus that you Dr Alison yet. So my question is. We actually it wasn't the fun. Well, we we did catch a fungus. Has the fungus auto his shoulder to put like a black light on it? She still has been. But we. Parasite infection on that same trip on an island code fuqua in. It took us a year and a half to get to get that out of their system. You've gotta you've gotTa, have like immunity to so many poisonous insects and plants after all the incidents Yvette. I'm legit. You don't. You just don't get sick. Lithuania story like did you sleep bitten a both Ed and Lithuania with a children's orchestra the. But I did I did look into the numbers. And what I discovered was that we have to listen those in. Lithuania. Way Tie for third place in. First place has five listeners and second diving into the number. We are so taking them down. I'm just saying like my competitive selfless like bristles. Would go through mania so like if anybody. Wants to move to Lithuania to. Bump the numbers. Would be. Given numbers moving. That'd be. That'd be moving the moving section of the. Other News. The other news actually is a new product that we're GONNA be coming up which is ot L. that's right. That's right we we spark connection. Connection. There was no it to at least twice in last week. I was notified. That people met the loves of their life because of the teachings in the online trainer. One of the things that we encourage you to do was just talked to people because I feel like humans don't talk to other humans these days in maybe the most marketing you'll ever do is like, hey, why don't you actually talk to somebody say what about all these funnels? What about all these ads like maybe you should just like talk to a human brain. So we give this it's I call it a strategy. Literally, we tell you to message five people and say, hi. That's like that's actually it's a need to take on ketamine of me like that's what we tell you to do. And so these people. These two women message people who they knew at one point and they will both I think childhood friends I want somebody they went to school if one. Again and and now they're both engaged to get married and so this woman posted it. No facebook group that she met the love for life because of. And so now for a low low price of two, hundred, ninety, nine dollars. That's right. We are officially releasing. Of Online trainer love we're going to go for all the letters of the drought every letter every. On The phone we're going to do. Phones Zena Fo- baby online trading zookeepers. Online trader moving, we gotTA move some Romanian soliciting to boost the numbers. We'll come out we'll pack up the house you know, put the piano way the cat dog whatever you got. Your you know. In his his part OT AL come out personally I will lounge seeing. Your wedding reception and the love boat if you if you live in certain states in the united. States. When would become an ordained ministers Ryan. We need it. That's that's that's the next. That's the next ot ot certification TM. Bryn Jones. Fortress. I on Ran Jones from Schreyer's. Aboard we're expecting you. Bowl. Soon will be making another run on their. Allowances your wheel we'll look at Benchley. Here's here's we're thinking and I've talked to. Jonathan excessively about this eventually. Bunch of Eventually, there's going to be like Disney. Amazon, and then PT DC and those three entities will own everything in the world and we're going to chop down at alphabet. We're GONNA do everything here at is added as we've got, we've got supplier for plus stores are. We do we we have a pledge stories we've got. Ot is is is stay care of cheap online. Toys we got to handle. We need some hair products. I don't know about that anyway today I'm speaking of today's subject. Is One, that Lindon I know very little about. and. Today's subject is a what did you and your sexually who has to buy online. oldies flows. So it's GonNa be it's GonNa be intense. One. And I'm really looking forward to hearing what Kerley on amber has and I didn't introduce the show properly. So I guess I'll do that. Let's all right. Do Embers Not Mba's kid script do what amherst says. Hello, my name is Jonathan Goodman and welcome to the online trainer show to episode thirty, five, I think, and we're talking about what to do when you sexually harassed by online clients. A deep one guys. Than so here We digging deep for this one today but but it needs to be talked about it doesn't. It needs to be talked about because talked to by two men where. The two women on the podcast are actually allowed to get in a word edgewise right? Right. BE A. appropriate. We're GONNA talk incessantly about how we think you should relate to the subject ratings. and. Then consider ourselves and then we may let you add sprinkle in a word or two. Go well. Anecdotes. Episode of the online training ship. Public uproar in, Lithuanian. To, take we. decided it was time to kick it and NETAPP out at the same time on the same token caroline have split off on their own. And important show. has blasted off the. OFF THE ON SO SO CATALINA I obviously, you're probably GONNA provide us much more insight here in AMAS will but I. I Never WanNa pass up the opportunity to dig into your personal life before we get started on any subject. It's it's some people are tuning in just for that. I realized that right it no, totally so IT IS A. Fascinating. So so what's what's going I can't imagine what's going on now space. So long as soon like five days. Only what your turn around for us in two days is incredible I if I have to be perfectly on, is like in all the glamour that is my life. Of course right now, my living room is a shit show off laundry and mismatch toddler Saux, and it's like my entire wardrobes have exploded because school starts tomorrow and you know we're digging out the kid clothes don't fit anymore. You know this leaves that go up to the elbow that's not going to cut it anymore so. Very fascinating and I know you wish you. Had We talked about. It the amount of socks that lease of. How lead go? Where do they go? What happens to them? What do they transform into? There's gotta be like a portal to a different dimension we and they're all partying in a different you know world, and then we're here wondering what the heck happened because it's just you cannot believe the amount of mismatch socks why why do you come back with one sock tile? Why not just even to the laundry it's like I know I, put both socks in this machine. And now, like that's no order everything out of the machine. And I didn't do anything put it on the bed. I left it there for four days. Hoping that somebody else do it. Right, and then this is actually legitimately what my wife does the laundry on the floor and I never do it in she just she actually picks it up. And put it on the bed. My side of the bed. Anymore. I can't like picking up. Your problems, John Ben not going away. So I know that I put it on the floor. I know that it system for four days and I know that my wife takes a same pile and puts it on my side of the bed what would seem to me to do it will I can't sleep that night and I'm not going to be that guy you sleep on the couch because he doesn't want to do is laundry like that's why go to. Like. Boundaries. Like how three individual socks? IDEA. No idea and I think every parent can relate here. So if you have any tips of all, wear those damn socks go let us know kiss baffling. Irony. To know where those stem socks go. Let us know will put it on the show own. Here we go. Howdy Ho here we go. Do you like. Say That not going to be a no. No. I'm wearing mismatched toddlers shots right now. So Ironic medium plan that as a dosage is just the it's just a synergy of the. Train show. So let we got us which ears here. You should go more sloth I should go more slow but you know Amerson no, and she runs this show so. I guess we'll just have to go. So. Let's change the flow over the Carolina. So Catalina This is something that's common in an in person settings reiten now I can save from the male perspective. I have I have had this experience in the in person setting of a of of our industry in coaching pretty common in Sala a saw post I can't remember which group I think it was online tonight where young lady said that something was was it now when amherst somebody says something inappropriate Line yeah you. Okay. Okay. Fit Pros Unite where the gentleman said you know. Something effect the please don't wear those pancer those shorts or something because I, have trouble. And we're talking about what? What yet this wasn't anybody in the group. This was signing. It was one of. Them Yeah. What? Yeah, she has facility and she took on a new mail client and. After their first session and she got a request from him not to wear form fitting. leggings anymore because it was distracting him. That is Yuk. So she was just looking for feedback as to whether that was really her responsibility or how to deal with it. nope. Not loved about that bread was how Quick. was like to smackdown that client for sure smuggled playoff but it's a hard thing to do it really easy to save behind you keyboard when that's up to somebody else. Here's what you do. Tell that guide to ghost like. Oh. Yeah. He's clearly you need to say like. Young but. How do you do? How do you? How breach that how that coming because his here's my issue with this and what I think is really hard is that push knows where you work, they know where you are all the time. A situation like that at our house was somebody who is doing. General contracting work. Across. The road. Just like chatting with Kelvin and then he came back I think it was the next day you something like in his regular clothes and like walked across start talking to her. It was in this case, it was innocent. He basically went and like outside of his company and was back at that posted house to. To do some other work that was like cash work and that post them wasn't home to let them in they were running late and so we saw allison's came chuck but she was like she was a little bit I mean a little bit. Of A freaky thing because. This is where I live. You know you can't. You can't get away from that. So what do you? What do you do? I'm really love that you're asking this because this is a legitimate concern for women and whenever we're phased in a situation in which we have to turn down a man. There's. A split second decision of how much in how much danger are you going to put yourself by saying? No by saying, stop it by saying I don't appreciate that you. Especially, if you know the person if they seem off if something like you're getting led by Gary and so we do tend it's very common for us to rebirth to Kinda like that. Just Kinda like laughing Gabai, and because that feels safe. But at the same time I'm telling you as a woman who has this before you hate yourself for having to respond by because in reality you WanNa, tell them off and you WanNa tell you. The light-hearted way hot. Yeah. Yeah. Because that that feels like the safe thing to do but it's not authentic because you're angry you're upset you're creeped out and you wish you could say those things without putting yourself in potential harm's way. So it's super tricky and there is no right answer and I think the most important thing to take away from that for any women listening who have. been in this kind of situation, the response that you have in the moment, but keep you safe. That is the correct response. It's okay. It doesn't matter. You don't need to beat yourself up for if you should have been harsher if you had. If you had only been clear the first time around, you can't always predict how your instinct is going to kick in when you're in that moment. Later you can kinda like in hindsight, you can start practicing different responses that you can maybe use next time when you feel more prepared and more assertive totally fine. But if you do face a situation like that, however it is that you respond that kit you save. That's okay. Don't be what what, what would be your What would be your advice to? This woman who I mean she was in the gym source online, but she was in the gym with a client and it was, I, think it was the first session with a new client and he said a next time don't wear those sites. It's distracted me. what would be the appropriate like not necessarily in the moment but how would you suggest that that's responded to doubt with? Yet so I think the first step here is that you as a as a woman who is in this situation you sit with yourself and you define for you what you want to happen next do you want to just make your boundaries clear? Okay. Do you feel so uncomfortable that you no longer want to work with this client at all that's also a fair option. So I a full sit with yourself and figure out where you want. To go from this and now wants that you know that you take the next step. So for example, if I'm so uncomfortable that I, don't wish to work with him at all because I'm so creeped out and this is just awkward now than I would be up front about lake comment was out of place it was unprofessional I did not feel comfortable and I no longer feel comfortable working with you. So here are three names of three colleagues that you can. You know I'm happy to refer you to their all dudes. They're all men right and and that's like. You know be on your way. How happy life. Be Done with it, and that's okay and on the other side if you sometimes we put up with more that we want to because we need the income, it's a reality and it's a really really shady reality but it's true and I'm never gonNA look down on a woman who has to kind of like take on certain things that she would rather you know she wishes she had the power to just like shut down the person but because of income situations you need to put up with it at least for now. That's okay too. I would never kind of like. Victim blame somebody for for being in that situation financial situation. So if you want to continue working with a person and you want to establish your boundaries, then you say precisely that right like, Hey, you know what? Last session when you made the comment that was really awkward and uncomfortable for me. So in order for this professional relationship to be able to continue, I'm just going to ask you to no longer refer to any shape or form of how I. Look my body looks what my clothes like. The way that you react is your responsibility and I am holding you to that responsibility. So I've got questions and serve. Ghetto amber either one I've got to I got to specific wet words number one and I like to get an answer from from both of both of you ladies number one can that genie back in the bottle? Ones. That things out right. Can you even put it back to Knight. It's like kissing, your professor at college like. Can you recover them. Speak to kissing the professor part I can speak. Late General I mean. It's like they're in a space. Can you put the genie back in the bottle I WANNA know I ran? Why do and if there's a story to that I know? Of No I've got no story that I can share here. But no, but seriously like I can only like from the male perspective. I'm so I'm so the end. Of that personality. For. Like how will go out of my way to be sure that there's not even the slightest inkling You. Dow But something yet. None of it, but I couldn't imagine tripping over my own male testosterone poisoning. Will you know what it is? You know what it is I think and bring it back. The male, the male perspective we don't feel physically threatened. I think to a large extent. I was I was I was actually asked multiple times when I travelled, but you don't build. And it was. It was stuff like I mean, the neighborhood that I trained in was a very affluent neighborhood in. Toronto where. This is just how the situation was. There was a lot of very wealthy women who were stay at home to wealthy men who worked right long hours and had women on the side and traveled a lot in the women would just looking for basically anything else and so just due to the nature of the neighborhood. There was a lot of swingers parties there was I mean it was we had people who had to leave Jim because of. Maine. In the facility members and stuff like that ghetto and we actually had to like like we had to as train sometimes go to people will just be like, Hey, I know this is happening these people uncomfortable being in the facility with UN immoral like kind of it's not. Like we to deal with some stuff and I was I was invited to fish bowl parties where if anybody does know what that is basically. I do. Watch a lot of TV late. On The southern side of the by-catches totally confused as to what we're about to hear Ariane. Cody is is where Your. Couples go to a party. And and men take the watch or their co keys and they put it in a Fishbowl Aman all the women come and they pick one out and whoever they pick out his like their opponents for that evening. and. Visit Canadian thing they're really confused right now this is a this is a rich people like me Oh boy thing. Swinger communities who are in and they're like, well anyway. So we just. Because, we don't King Chamie either. Shaped. The other person's permission and it totally cool. What you want to do is it gets my point in this before we get back to you guys who I mean really deal with the brunt of it is. I encountered it. And it was it was it's interesting looking back because I encountered things that were failure votes sexual harassment by women when I was when I was training on the floor and. I never once felt in any way threatened or Brian. At whereas a woman you do there's always that you know that little thing in the back of your head is like Oh. My God is he gonNa Follow me to my car and the. Does he know where I live like I'm Gonna I'm GonNA, start wearily running into him at coffee shops or whatever like it's like you can be physically overpowered and that's very scary. So yes, there is definitely an element of keeping yourself safe. I think an important step logistics wise. Whenever situation of harassment occurs is that for your own safety as a trainer whether you're a Male or female you want to document exactly what happened the interaction with as much detail as you can. You can record yourself telling the story you can write it out in an email whatever is easiest for you but you need some tangible proof of date that time where you were standing who else was in the gym of everything everything that you can have because then. if this is a situation in which this client in particular has a tendency to behave this way often either with you or with others as well. Having said of proof is it just works in your favor and you can't really trust your memory. You do tend to forget things you know memories do tend to get jumbled a little bit. So US fresh as you have. It in your head writer down record yourself saying the story and share it with administration or whoever else needs to be aware of this because you don't do that alone either so so such a great great tip that I. Never even thought about you know piggybacking off John said you know it's it's much more the pool boy in the lifetime movie situation for Male Trainer A. Funny Low. Mrs Johnson you're always so vic-. But you're never feel physically threatened like I'm never wondering if someone knows where apart your followed me home or something like that because there's so many horror stories but but I want to return back to the earlier question no because I think this is I think it's an important question like are there incidents where this happened? And you just go back to normal with the client. Any you you you you you know you have a conversation You know an in things turn out happily ever after after that, you have a great working relationship is that something in your minds that? Possible. I'm GonNa let amber add onto those out of like a personal situation that I did how with with a client I can tell you that you know you can go buy you reestablish your boundaries. They can be air in every shape and form like super apologetic and understanding that they totally messed up, and this is never going to happen again and never do it again like really hold themselves to that, and still you're always going to have that little thing. You gotTa keep your your extra alerts around this dude, because he already did it once, and if I if there's ever like any extra situation like you, you're next roller which really sucks because the last thing that you want to feel like you have to be extra cautious with your own clients in your own space of work because of something stupid like that. But that's that's to bid on. Ben Because they were the ones lake that's ability you can you can you know one's wrong you you know you can ring. Right, like no, you can't it. There's always going to be like an extra caution there even if if the professional relationship continues if you choose to do so there's always something left an amber what say ye? He says. In context is important and it depends on really what happened in this specific example that we talked about from the. Group I mean there's no question that that was boundary testing to see what he could get away with. It's not like he was trying to flirt and then got shot down and he's like okay and then like return to normal and you know if he was nineteen twenty, you know a little bit of credit of being young and dumb and not. Not Knowing. To be more careful in learning curve. But what caroline is saying is true I mean no matter what you're always going to be a little extra guard about everything from what you say how you stand how you position yourself what you share. Especially, talking about in context of online specifically I find it interesting because the really good thing but online training people are willing to be more open. So we learn so much more about our clients because there's safety in distance, and so they're more willing to dig deep into the the raw vulnerable this of their lives. That same time is if you're working with someone potentially. That might be interested. Then there's also the safety. Oh, what are they going to do if I say something appropriate or send something inappropriate Sweden, there's kind of a higher chance of that happening. It feels like to me anyway. So I mean context is important but at the end of the day, you have to trust your gut that's not gonNA sign ministerial. Cultural differences. Potentially come in online a lot more I mean locally I mean the could still be culturally cultural differences for me knock been. North Carolina there's not too many different cultures but in in in places like, Toronto we're not really very either there's only like. But places like. Tell people in ship people basically films out. The cultural. Center of Cultures Catalina sensitive to cultures Caroliina in the mayor's office. And so. I I mean. It is it is possible that locally there's going to be some contra differences but one thing that becomes very jolly when you travel when you really get to know people God. Is. Just how ingrained and acceptable whether it's like except for not by standards totally of conversation but how acceptable it is by that local culture standards. To actor speak a certain way they might not mean anything. I wouldn't say that. I. Wouldn't say that they might not mean anything by might be perfectly acceptable. Yeah I would hurry. They are used to getting away with it right? Like I mean Mexican culture is a perfect example android and they're like, Leno. Mexican culture now. Just no, it very misogynistic and patriarchal structure for sure and so but then you know again even with context and everything like you as a person, you have your own inner intercom. So anything that feels off, you need to listen to that and you need to honor that for yourself. If. You think you online perhaps that. That comes in I, mean, I would not at all speak for you. Ember euchre Lena here. So you can you can respond to this and tell me what reaction to it, but it seems to me like. If you feel like it's potentially great like you're not quite sure I mean, maybe they think it's joke in it's OK food to be a joke whether it is objectively or not as a complete another question. But whether they believe that it's maybe a joke because of what they might be coming from. if if you communicate to them, just say look this is how I took that like is that something that you would do if you feel like they're not quite sure like they might not even be aware I mean I just the when we were traveling to Spain that could not believe the cheese? No, McKees knew how you pronounce it. Just the male auto was. Standards Disgusting I mean they wouldn't even look at Alison. It was an we with a nanny culture as well who? Knows, twenty nine years old from Texas at time they wouldn't even look at them. Right like like it was it was close but that was just. I mean, we're in the country. So like right I don't know how to deal with that. So Anyway, I'd love for you to respond to that and let me know what you think is I don't know what the answer is. I don't know that I know either I think that's a default zone. So much to like you know what is what feels right and what feels wrong for you. So because your level of tolerance for certain comments or jokes is going to be different to mind and that's based on past experiences but tangible pass trauma. Difficult situations like so it's so that's why we always say when you know we need to society just in general we need to default to, for example, not making comments about people's bodies right? Why? Because something that for us like I'm paying you a compliment or all? I. Was just joking are Oh, this is totally normal. We don't know the other person's story, and so we don't know what we're adding to that narrative when we come with our. allegedly. Just, totally normal comments like we can't be doing that. So in the same sense when guys are like, well, you know I was just like it was just like innocent flirting well, it's innocent to you, but it particularly not innocent to hurl. So when you just not. All as as a guy. I time changed a lot in the last fifteen twenty years of what's acceptable to say and do and what isn't even in a in a very progressive town, like Toronto. What you really like Canada's about as progressive as respectful. In and when I glue up high school even at the university even like until five or six years ago. It it was considered appropriate. To if you see that a woman has gone out of her way to focus on who appearance in some in some way to recognize it. And complimented verbalize that was that was like what you were supposed to. Wait and And now you're not now totally agree with you. Now you just don't notice it but you know I I wonder sometimes with Allison, we've had conversations about it. Light so with people close to you, we've had conversations about, hey, like like. How do you feel about these types of? How do you feel like? Do you want me to recognize it? Do you want me to appreciate you another ways? Like how does that? We've had those conversations, but you can have that with somebody. You love somebody you see every day. Aches I don't know how to act. With a stranger right I. still don't know I socially like how I. Ever, mentioned appearance in any way. I mean really like like don't. Like like I wanted to saying I want to be respectful I. Don't WanNa make anybody feel there. There are different ways of saint like for example, if you want to say to somebody you look grade like what is it? If you take a moment to analyze what is it that you're admiring about them? Do they look energetic? Do they super happy like are they bouncing with joy today than comment on like that's a beautiful way to to comment on a person's appearance because in the end, the way we feel inside usually is how we how we look in the. Kind of like projecting on the so comment on that is like you look so happy today might not like you look like tell me about this. What's this energy that I'm feeling from you? It's awesome and I want to know so sharing that that's that's a great way to to bring a compliment and I think well, if I can bring up. A little bit back to online training. A comment that I do want to make because I have heard this actually from my mail online trainer friends, and this is quite interesting. One of the ways that sexual harassment can present itself for you know in the online trainings fear is through progress pictures at the client chooses to send maybe in booed. And this can be something you know we can come across is totally innocent like Like I didn't think anything of it. So I didn't think that you would mind is so sorry but then it's kind of like well, no, that's not right. So so of course like it when you set out your business when you ask for progress pictures always specify like, oh beachwear is a great or shorts and top is a great choice Alex specify there, and if acclaimed does happen to cross that boundary and send you, you know quote unquote progress pictures in the bumper for your sake and for your own protection address, it do have a conversation about it could. Verbally over email because then you have a trail of you as a history of confronting and asking them to stop at because you never want to be in a position in which like well, this dude was fine with seeing me naked two months ago like right like you just. Don't ever want to be in that. No. I started harassment just. So you know guys for the for the men listening that is a form of sexual harassment. You do not have to tolerate it. You don't have to be funny about it. You can be firm established a boundary and do not let it and they could they could also. Come after you in certain ways towards if something little has if if the relationship has been shuttered. Documented, keep a folder on your computer. With with all of that time stamped just in case. I actually stopped who haven't been to a live event for a long time. But last the last year or so that I was going to live events before Koga hit. Obviously a lot of people will. Take pictures right and and after you speak a Lago, can I get a pitcher? Can I get a pitcher and and I won't touch a woman? I will. I will I will using the Anna reads. Like Stand Yeah. The floating hand right but he's just being respectful right life nuts if you look at photos of me from the last few events that I spoke up. It's exactly that I mean she might have own like laptop on my shoulder like me. But like I, I just don't want anybody to ever and I do want to get that. I meant anything by it like you gotta get ahead of this stuff. Yes. No, and right now I want to get ahead of those people listening being we're being like Oh my God. This political correctness. It's tearing the world. Dow can't even joke anymore. We can't even do any like listen if this is your only form of humor on comedy and joking then yeah style joking don't frigging do it anymore because we don't want it like no, it's not helpful. So seriously like get creative, find other ways of relating to people that do not involve sexually harassing them. Right. There so interesting Keto. Issue this. I hear this all. And you ever gave around them applause. But I hear this all this on you. You can't do this anymore everybody no actually you could never do. Eight, it was an acceptable always bad. Here. People just could not people couldn't wrap it up people just couldn't stop it stop from steamrolling other people who who were not able to defend themselves or speak out themselves. Yeah. But it was never a good thing. It did change. Cly People started sticking up for themselves. That's that's why it's wrong like ghetto say if that's if that's your playbook dump it. Does. Hiding. So we you know and also I like to make this point for the mail trainers out there because I can speak to this because I choose to work with women as a population you can learn how to better do your job and also respect your clients. If you choose to get the information cattle knows that girls gone strong molly kettle they've been asset to my business and learning being like what you can say you know then they have two girls going strong as publis extensive list out there male trainers of compliments you can give a woman that don't involve her body. Do the research to be a professional at your profession you learn better and then you do better you don't excuse the well I didn't know at that doesn't fly in. You know I'm I'm older than Jonathan. So back in my day to things that we say you know I think I'm twelve or thirteen years older. So back in my day, we were saying things like, Hey, Jimmy little's dame's on the block. Danes looks well so you can't say stuff like that. I was born in thirty scare. The nineteen. Thirties. This is great. I gotTA run. The show I gotta onto the call, but I just I just want to. 'em Burke for showing. Today, capsules, it'd be helpful to a lot of people admin it when. Kim. Fine absolutely. So winner wrap this thing up. You can find the show notes and all that stuff online training dot com slash podcast a special thanks to Catalina. Belmont is Amber Reynolds Amazon the Latte today was amazing. Forty percent more than she normally chat. She's exhausted. She's she's trapped out. She's GonNa need a sitter later. She all the energy here. But Hey, be sure to leave us a review guys in it and how it. Out especially, love to hear feedback about this episode. Yeah. The to this know I'm thinking this could be a good sort of follow-up topic for us after people get chance to absorb this episode you know if we can do like a follow up episode down the line about this you know sort of what they learned even if we have some feedback from the listeners who have other stories. Much to this new revelations that they had as as as a result of this episode, I think this is one of the one of the more necessary and actionable episodes that we've had because it's dicey out there at best in you know and what we know about the online community is that the internet sort of magnifies things right? If you're a third, you're like five times. That's the scientific formula. That's You know that's just kinesiology. Like if you're an awesome person, you're usually five pounds. The also person on the Internet you have a vehicle spread your awesomeness, but if you're a You're an asshole. People. Are Very brave from on keyboard. Now showing things they would not showing Parson saying things to women that they would not say in person you know it's it's it's a minefield it it really does. It really does exacerbate everything. That's my big word for today. Jingle Jangle that's that's all we got today tune in next time for episode thirty something whatever it is. Thirty, five, thirty, four who knows. But thanks for tuning into the any online trainer show Jingle. Single go. By. To the on my trainers. Trainers. Trainer show. This is the online trainer show we shouldn't in. PODCAST.