Avoiding the Midlife Crisis: Guest Kathleen Reily
<music>. Hi Vocal James Miller life allergy resigned to simplify and transform your spirit mind and body. My name is James Miller. I'm a licensed psychotherapist and a composer. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Let's get started. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to listen to this show when you're done listening. I hope you take a minute right. Quick Review on whichever radio or podcast platform. You've heard this show your insights will help others to be inspired and encouraged. I have a great show for you today. I'm GONNA help you instantly. Change your mood. I also be interviewing interviewing Kathleen Riley who has the unique ability to teach men experiencing midlife transition how to maximize their impact and become authentic self for more information about Kathleen. Please visit Kathleen Riley Dot Com. I have some exciting news. Did you know that I'm on the radio three times a week. You Mayhew me on this. The same station on Tuesdays at one thirty PM Friday's at nine thirty. AM and Saturday at twelve thirty pm you may also hear me anytime an Iheartradio as well as all the the other major pod casting platforms including itunes spotify Google play Sicher and many others simply search for this show name James Miller life algae or simply go to James Miller life allergy dot com. Are you struggling to find your purpose has mediocrity set in and you can't imagine doing the same thing for the rest of your life. Are you relationship struggling or you aren't sure how to make long lasting changes then contact me. James Miller I will help you recognize the areas in your life that are going really well and then we will look at the areas in which you're struggling. We will create actionable solutions to help you create long lasting changes. You don't have to do this alone. Go to my website James Miller life allergy dot com and click on the page work with James Philip that form and it will be sent directly to me. Don't let another day go by without finding your way. Your change can start today once again. Go to James Miller Life Dot Com and click on the page work with James. Fill out that form to get started today how to instantly change your mood. We've all woken up on the wrong side of the bed and it feels like we struggle for the rest of the day in previous episodes. I've talked with you about not creating two different skills. Get more insight into what's happening inside of you. The two scales look like this on a scale of one to ten ten is the best you feel and one is the worst. Did you feel you rate your emotional wellbeing and your physical body so if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed it's really more of your emotions that are going to be lower so if you did that internal scale you probably be about a three or four but your physical body would probably be about an eight or nine. You're probably fine so if you decide to stay bettle all day. Unfortunately your emotions have dictated what your physical body can do fast forward to around noon at work. You do these scales again and realized that you're once again. Emotional rating is low and you think well what happened why was so low and then you recall the argument you had with a CO worker or the argument you had with your spouse realize that you've carried that anger that frustration into the present moment what you have this awareness then you ask yourself. What what am I gonNa do if this happened earlier in the day and I'm still feeling this way and I don't want to. How do I change this. Did you know on average. It takes about six healthy experiences to cancel out one negative experience so subconsciously. If you're ruminating on what happened earlier you've created this whole foundation of why you're frustrated created right now the reason why it takes about six positive things to counteract one negative thing because the negative thing we think about a lot we think about what the person said we think about how they were. Standing Sandy. We think about the location. We process every detail of it. It becomes visceral in our mind and because of that that is why unpleasant memories stories are so strong in her life nothing of a funny memory the reason why that doesn't stick out to you as much is because when a situation like that happens you enjoy it and then you move on you you don't process it or think about it. The way you think about an unhealthy experience you just sit with the emotion and you enjoy it to the counter act. An unhealthy experience is when you think of a positive or healthier memory you have to process it the way you'd process a negative memory and that would entail you thinking of the tone which somebody said something you think about how they said it you think about why they said it think about what your response was you think about where the location was the more detail you give do it. In your mind's eye another words you use your internal five senses to really experience it to find that your mood instantly changes and that's a really good trick to practice of how to counteract a negative emotion in the moment is by focusing on it the same way you would negative emotion the more often you do that the more successful you'll be too easily counteract. You're unhappy mood. You'RE GONNA here a fantastic interview with Kathleen Riley really helps men who are struggling with midlife how to rewire the brain so they can live in this continual state of contentment. I wanted to take just a quick moment to thank you all who continually support and listen to James Miller Life Allergy Collagen. I haven't been so blessed and honored by your continual supports however I want to make sure that you don't miss out on anything exciting. That's happening over here so good or James Miller follow dot com or follow followed DOT TV and sign up for the free weekly recap each week I will send you an email which has all the latest radio episodes youtube episodes magazine articles and self of help products specifically for you once again go to James Miller life algae dot com or a life Agassi DOT TV and sign up for the free weekly recap. My guest is Kathleen Riley who has a unique ability to teach men experiencing midlife transition how to maximize her impact and become their authentic self walk into my show Kathleen. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. I am as well now. I saw that you used to work in Washington. DC Yes yes I did so I was in economic policy research <hes> that was originally my my major ager. UNDERGRAD was ECON and finance and so then <hes> I went to go work in DC right after college or maybe six months after her <hes> and and it was not for me I actually I don't know if you knew this for the next from DC. I just moved down to I saw her back and I was like Oh my gosh I'm like I know exactly where where she's talking about what she's done but your but it's interesting though to hear about your your major economics versus what you do now. I mean there just seem completely different. How did you realize that what you went to school for wasn't necessarily what you wanted to do so I was in. I mean I loved what I was studying right. It's it sounds ridiculous by economics is super fascinating and financial markets and I loved reading about it and studying it but obviously you know being subsidized to sit around and read books and theorized is completely different from applying the real world wide rights of so when I got out into the real world <hes> I found my work was not stimulating at all. It was super monotonous. Just I mean it was like shifting from all this intellectual stimulation relation and an inquiry and all of that over to a incredibly mind-numbingly boring position <hes> so and it was not there wasn't a creative aspect about it. <hes> it's just it was just extremely monotonous and under under stimulating and so from there. How did you say you know what I need something different. I I I'm going into my mind with boredom. What did you do so so now if you want me to address a little bit the transition from there into what I do now in college and and during my time in DC I had <hes> very severe anxiety and panic and so on and so that was that when when I kind of got on the past right around the time of being in DC to really heal that that's when I really got into shoe neuro plasticity which is rewiring certain emotional behavioral patterns in the Brain Rights through repeating the same often <hes> emotional experience over and over and over again and by that I mean you know peacefulness com safety right and those are experiences that are completely antithetical to you know a a highly stressed out and and ANC yeah nurse system right and so through that work I mean it was it was really amazing that I loved it and then after that I got involved in some health coaching and and then from their own my gosh I I really need to start working with people who also also struggle with anxiety and that's one of the great things is because we teach what we also need to learn as well it really solidifies for one what we're teaching but it also helps offs us understand it so much more than a visceral level so we can we become what we teach exactly exactly and it's so much more potent when when when when that when you really had that that exact experience yourself and so then <hes> so is working with people who struggle Argonne severe anxiety and design a really really effective eight week program <hes> to rewire chronic chronic anxiety and panic and and then as I moved into that work I began to work more more with men <hes> going through midlife transition and I had I had realized early on before I started my kind of entrepreneurial journey that I knew it's crazy because when you talked entrepreneurs yours they always say well. I had this general feeling but I didn't know how it was going to manifest right so I had this real calling to work with men in in mind set transformation and mindset shift right <hes> but I didn't really know how it was going to manifest in so then later as I I started working with more and more male clients in the anxiety niche than I it was. I found it extremely fulfilling. They were amazing clients and and then I I really redirected in focused on midlife transition oriented obstacles in the mindset so we'll let's first talk about the Midlife <hes> male midlife transition. Give us an idea of what that looks like. Someone militias may not understand what that is right so so <hes> essentially really. It's you know it's it's not the most delightful time right and so what what's happening. Gene is first of all people can there are three types of absorb unbrella challenges. One is difficulty not with health too is difficulty with relationships three marriage excetera <hes> three is difficulty with career and and and the the often the clients that I work with their their primary challenges are <hes> disillusionment demint right with with day to day life they often buick there an era in a very robotics monotonous <hes> a a daily routine and then and then also what what's really what I integrate a lot into my work as well is there's a a a distinct disconnect from their child like south right and and those critical childlike experiences is for example excitement right joy fulfill shit curiosity what would make sense if if they feel like they're living a life of Monotony Ramini dougherty and robotic activities yeah well. That's exciting. That's not joy filled at all so yeah that makes sense. The hackery and there's a kind are trading off which is which is something. I began to notice an old so what propelled me into to my work. There's a kind of trading in off <hes> for for men between you know that sort of twenty s period of life into shouldering the responsibilities disabilities and and some burdens of adulthood right in and and there are a unique their unique burdens that I feel like men have to bear <hes> <hes> and so there's there's definitely a trade off of those childlike quality is not not for everyone <hes> respect yeah yeah yeah right and then and then there will be there'll be some other challenges like chronic stress <hes> a cluttered mindset right. Where do I go now. I've got all these thoughts and ideas about where I should go for you know what does she do for the next chapter of my life and I'm kind of spinning and so they need the clarity on that. How would that manifest or how would how would it makes sense. People are experiencing not neither spirit experience all these thoughts. How would how does that look to the world also. Let's say someone's experience in that and I'm watching them. What does that look like. It's it's a decline in fulfillment. It's a decline in in meaning and purpose to to your work right <hes> to your personal life. Sometimes it can be one or the other sometimes it's both but generally it's one or the other it can be a lack of drive right you know because I if if nothing is fulfilling and exciting and in and curious and and you don't have that next goal and the drive to get there that's going to show right. It's GONNA show mild forms. The depression say them ability and frustration probably a little bit more quick to express anger frustration. That's that's how I was here from a from a psychological standpoint and also hobby exactly yes definitely definitely conceicao. Yeah I was I was I started working with a new line of few user like a week ago two weeks ago and he particularly comes to mind because it was struggling with a lot of irritability a lot of negativity right lot of cycling negative thoughts that just bury you they they don't that's a little extreme but they damage and they dampen and they damp and <hes> and and so yeah so there was irritability negatively mild depression and <hes> just you know and a lot of anger anger coming out in his relationship at home and and so yeah I would even hearing this and I'm GonNa Serotype your anyone listening. Please understand this is a very broad serotype but I would assume that most people who have have most people midlife their physical health is probably not where it could be this to- serotype because if they're working so much if they've invested so much than there are thought life is going to manifest in their physical comportment or their physical presentation so assuming that if people are experiencing this midlife left transition this year at ability. There's frustration whatever might be. That's probably gonNA show up in. Maybe not being as physically active. Maybe being a little overweight huge stereotype back but with the reason why I say that is because if there are other areas in our life that we don't necessarily feel fulfilled then that becomes the overarching aspect of filled in my career. I'm not outfielder my health and my fulfilled my my relationships and so it seems like it would be a broad spectrum are umbrella type of transition which is negative transistor unhealthy transition which would permit all Arizonans life <hes> yeah absolutely and again. It's you know there there are three different types and usually usually one person suffers most in one particular category but <hes> but yeah yeah the physical <hes> giving up you're you're you're physically being in shape and having high high level of energy and and feeling competent about yourself physically and as an attractive attractive individual <hes> that that can definitely go by the wayside as you as you begin accumulating more and more responsibility and then and some people can take on a lot a lot of responsibility at home and at work and not get stressed out some people can't so there is that stress factor obviously that you know in intensifies weight weight gain and usually affects sleep which even further intensifies weight gain anyway so so yeah and then and then yeah and then you had that low self a steam around your physique as well but <hes> but the important thing in either of those three categories the important thing is addressing the mindset and the underlying you're lying <hes> obstacles that are kind of you know perpetuating that cycle in psychology what we teach is whatever we perceive to be true determined what we feel our feelings remember what our body responds and so you're really addressing the cognition of the thoughts or the hard wire of cause and effect with people. I think that's absolutely wonderful. Tell us more about the eight week program that you have your absolutely so so it's it's <hes> it's my my entire. Eight program is based on three audio practices each day right that you will do each day and and I amid to kind of run through the steps of developing it I you know will we do like a Q. and A. Informative Chat. I get to know you you get to know me figure out if we're good fit and then from there <hes> than we do like a I call it just a deep dive strategy call so I get into the real nitty gritties in what I do. WHO IS I. I really figure out. What are your goals? What what what are the biggest shifts that you want to see and then I get all the necessary information to develop up and design that eight week program and and on average. There's a twenty minute warning audio practice. There's a twenty minute evening one and a ten minute afternoon one <HES> and I've worked with you know see yellow is people who are in extremely demanding careers and and this seems to be a sweet spot in terms time demand but essentially what you're doing is your you know if if if stress is a the big issue for you then we're going to focus on developing a peaceful mindset right <hes> and perhaps and usually there will be a couple more obstacles that you want to rewire as well but you know for all intents and purposes. I'll use the example stress so what we're GONNA do is. We are going to find mind a period in your life. Maybe it was a memory from when you were really young. Were in your twenties thirties or maybe even just a couple months ago where you felt that intense deep and powerful experience peacefulness right <hes> 'cause most everyone has one memory their life when they felt deeply peaceful and and so what what we do as human beings as we have these experiences in our wives that are actually like pieces of gold in terms of rewiring our experience in the world and and so what we can do is. I can walk you through bringing that memory up diving deep into the actual feeling in a peacefulness smacks of exactly the N N M my God does such an amazing job retraining the brain when you just focus on the feeling and not the words the words take you there but what you WanNa do is just entrench yourself in an ocean <hes> of this feeling of peacefulness and and so you WanNa make it very intense and expanded make full body and mind experience in in doing that. <hes> you know <unk> those three times each day. It is it's profound because as the brain continues to to develop new neurons right little baby neurons that can be formed and customized to support a certain mindset over that this process take six to eight weeks and over that period of time. The brain is developing new neural pathways to support that feeling of peacefulness right and so by the time. We're finished working together. You know we'll we'll have developed that long-term mindset of peacefulness <hes> maybe maybe confidence is another thing you wanted to work on self confidence <hes> and then you know maybe excitement right <hes> and so so as you as you build you build you build much like a roadway that you use over and over again you know like learning a new instrument or or or a language <hes> you you deepen and create those those those pathways and you create that experience except feeling of peacefulness on an automatic basis every day. I love it from a neurological standpoint so my listeners here in this now I want to piggyback piggyback off of what Kathleen saying for neuropsychologist standpoint what we're actually doing what she's doing is when you create when you return to a previous memory state when and you sit without emotion just like I said earlier thoughts determine your feelings feelings determine your body experience so when we sit without emotion you generate a feeling of peace or happiness UNISOM excitement what you're doing is you're creating certain Euro Chemicals and there's neuro chemicals then allow for that neuropathy to happen because they're firing off more and more so so when you sit with a certain memory creates more dopamine and creates more tone and it creates more oxytocin there are certain Neuro Trans at happen and so when you sit with that at actually actually wants it allows you to enjoy even more which gives you more endurance to enjoy that emotion a little bit more a little bit more and pretty soon. It's easier for you to recall all that emotion because you've been able to sit with it so long and a byproduct of a feeling that allows you to have the reward of having all those feel good chemicals course through your body exactly exactly yeah yeah so that's wonderful that your clients are able to experience it and from what I've read. You've had some pretty good success. Yes yes yes. Actually I do <hes> I have <hes> I brought one short quiet testimony <hes> and and and I can read that if you want to hear it. It's <hes> so quote. Kathleen's program is hard to put into words because in all around around transformation is hard to describe I can start by saying God. I've retrained. My thoughts create a childlike mindset. I'm worry free free and much happier and I am reliving that experience as a child when I used to ride bikes and felt that sense of safety freedom joy and aliveness business when I used to feel <hes> life acutely in in most ways. This is a happiness program in the way that I was once. Happy like a child is happy not an end quote and he's yeah he's he's CEO. Oh sixty sixty now. That's amazing Kathleen congratulations. I'm sure that feels good for you as well. I know it is yeah I would say this any day. I would trade in a economic policy that is hysterical. I would do that as well. Caffeine rather is gonNA absolute pleasure having on my show today if my listeners like to find out more efficient all the amazing things you're doing work with you. Where are they finding the information for missing online so I'll give two pieces of info one is you can find a bunch of free trainees and content at am dot m. e. forward slash m number four and coach. CEO Ach and then <hes> and then also you can the website which is Kathleen K. A. T. H. E. N. R. E. Y. Dot Com awesome caffeine. Thank you once again for being a fantastic as Michigan state. I really enjoyed this talk. Thank you thank you. I also want to thank you my listener for tuning in today. Please subscribe to this radio show through whichever portal you join me today. Also oh please go to my website. Were you may sign up for the free weekly. Recap watch my youtube episodes. Read the articles I've written specifically for you and purchase my previous guests self-help products wchs if you'd like to work with me be a guest on or advertise on this show visit James Miller lite faulty dot com be sure to follow me also media platforms under the name James Miller life policy except for twitter which is james m life algae once again. Thank you so much for your support and I'll talk to you soon.