Episode 20: Will You Be My Friend?
Hey everybody welcome to the podcast. It is really really close to christmas. i think we're about a week away right now We're just hanging out trying to get some orders out trying to get christmas ready for our families trying to enjoy the holidays and we wanted to talk today about something. That is funny and something that i am not very good at And we want to talk today about making mom friends so yeah so. We pulled in one of my favorite latch. Mama team members. Sarah who has been with us for a very long time. I think she's probably one of the crew and we're going to talk. She's very very good at the whole thing. So we're going to talk about how to build kind of your mom tribe And all that jazz. And i'm gonna lean on her a little bit and maybe learn her ways so thanks for listening. You're listening to latch mama. Podcast i'm your host melissa word business owner and tired of five. Join us each week as we talk about pregnancy nursing parenting and all things motherhood. Hi sarah. hey how are you. i'm all right. Thank you for coming out on this disgusting cold rainy virginia day. It's awful. I kind of wish it was snow but if it was snow it would have been an awful lot of snow. Kind of have stopped life and orders wouldn't have gotten now and the postal service wouldn't have come and it would have been kind of a nightmare. Unlatch mama land. I wouldn't be here now but well. I am glad that it is not snow. Then so tell us a little bit about yourself. So i'm a mom four kids. I have seven five three in. I guess almost an eighteen month old So yeah. My life is pretty hectic. I also work at latched. Momma doing social media. And i have a couple of other part time gigs. And i'm on the board at my children's preschool. Because i have enough on my plate. That sounds absolutely honestly miserable to me. But we'll get there and it has been. I'm not fred all right. So i feel like this kind of this topic came up. We talk about different podcast topics all the time. Latch mama a tough year. It's been lonely year for a lot of moms regardless of kind of what your friends structure was beforehand. But the thing that i really admire about. Sarah is that she has the ability to kind of be everything to any. Everybody like she'll check in on me. And i'll be like sarah. What why are you asking me. How i am and i'm like okay. Maybe that's what friends do like. Maybe i should do that as well to other people. Maybe i should find the bandwidth. But she's just really really good at making sure that she's taking care of others and building this tribe and stuff so we have her here today to have her talk a little bit about friends. You've a lot of them. I do like how many. I don't know have a lot of good friends to. I'm not saying that if you have a lot. None of them are good. I'm just saying right. But i feel like most people have like. They're like closest like you know circle that they're just more tight with And i feel like that circle for me is pretty big minus super small. Like i can like one hand small so okay. Let's start with like how you make friends. Let's let's get back to preschool like let's get back to like like how. How did your circle like. Do you still have friends from from high school or college or mom or my best friend in the whole wide world. we've been best friends since ninth or tenth grade. Okay and then. One of i guess. Two of my closest friends like they were both in my wedding. I've known one of them since second grade when we friends this is. This is my thing. Because i'm just thinking right now like the amount of hours in a day. There's only so many of them and my life's a little chaotic as is yours. Kids are very very similar ages Y so you're listing off these friends. Are we talking to them every week. Are we talking to them every month. Are we texting. Are we calling. Are we hanging out like how does the. How do the different rings work here. Okay so some friends. I definitely talk to on a daily basis or by text or phone others. It's like more like once a week and then some others. It's more like once every couple of weeks. Okay so let's talk about new friends. Okay this is where. I get nervous but go ahead. Why do you get nervous. I get really nervous meeting new people. I really do but you do really well but you make friends. I don't feel like i do. I feel like you should probably go run the other way but okay so all right talk to me about like the let the latest friend you've made it's really funny too. I'm gonna. i'm going on the spot really fast but like whenever we need like help it latch mama like we need like quick like order failing or whatever sarah is always the first one to be like oh so and so can do it and so can do it and i'm like who are these people like. How is your circles all bake like how like. So your friend nikki. For example works for us. Yeah how did nicky come into your life. College actually allstate allstate chorus in high school. We we were all state chorus and us and one of our other mutual friends who went to vcu with us as well. We were sitting three in a row at all state. Chorus all wound up at bbc. You all stayed in touch. Yeah she was my roommate for a year two. So she's just one of those people on your friends list. Why do you think it's hard like you have all these friends from high school and college and all that but you were just talking about. How like making friends now makes you wanna run or makes you feel uncomfortable. What do you think changes like. Why does it. Why does it change somewhere between that college and high school to kind of like the mom life world. I don't know with somebody like nikki. She doesn't have children yet. You know. But i've always been really real with her about like mom life stuff. Yeah and there's no judgment absolutely and we've been through so much in our relationship that it's just yeah we're going to be friends forever so i think that's kind of hit the nail on the head. I think in mom life when you become friends with another mom there so many decisions that are made on a daily basis mom in so many ways that others can judge you or pick apart the decisions you're making Use the example. We have a facebook group. That's different than our page and eventually wants. The facebook algorithms learned that it was a parenting group and then it was a mothering group. They all of a sudden us to have the people within the group post anonymously on their own because they recognized it as a judgmental space not our group in general but just parenthood in general which i thought was such an amazing kind of snapshot of what we're doing to parents especially moms right now and how do you make those friendships. Knowing that there is so much judgment out there you know so do you. I know we have some mutual. I would call them friends as well How do you navigate that space knowing that you know. They may not agree. Perhaps with some of the decisions that you're making you just hope that everybody's mature enough to continue. I mean i think certain things. If you have a discussion about it and disagree it's like you have to know your boundaries As a mom and like okay. That's not okay for me. And i would hope my friend wouldn't do that. Maybe but at the end of the day it's her kid men. Hopefully she knows what's best for them absolutely. I think you have to find a spot somewhere in parenting where i don't wanna say like i don't wanna swear but you know you just can't give any more fs like it's true the end of the day like you literally just have to be so confident and the things you care about and the things you choose not to hear about because i can tell you especially the more kids you have. You can't care about everything. There are certain things that you have to let go at the end of the day or during the day and you just kind of have to be confident in your decisions and then i think at that point. It makes friendship even easier. Because if you're not judging yourself you really don't let other people judge you as well and you find the right people and something that i've learned like the older i get. I'm like other people's opinion of me. Not my business. And i hope that people close to me have a good opinion of me but at the end of the day like whatever. It is what it is absolutely. I'm not going to go out of my way to change your opinion of me. Because i'm not going to sacrifice who. I am absolutely does that. Does that make it feel like you have a smaller circle. Like i mean i know that i i started this by saying oh i don't have any friends i mean i have friends like you're my friend like there are friends that i have but then i think when it comes down to like true trust who would be there in that like dark dark moment. If my life started falling apart. I mean like i know you would be there. There are people that i know would show up but at the end of the day like i really true. It's like my partner. You know like it's eric and it's my kids and that's where i end up at the end of that day. You know like it. It's it's interesting because there's so many things that can go right and go wrong and so many decisions that you could make throughout the day where some places that you have found friendship as a mom so My kids did romp and roll classes when they were smaller. And one of my really good mom friends. We met there and she was the first friend that we made like because of our kids like mutually like for them to so that was really cool. And she's like kind of one of my like ryder die friends and how again like no judgment between us like what so. Talk me through the first couple times. Did you go to rock and roll where you're like. Oh my gosh. I really hope she's here too and like was it like dating at the beginning Our kids our oldest kids went to classes together. And i had not seen her at our class. Before 'cause we went almost every day. And i guess the first time i saw her her daughter walked away from her something and she said okay by felicia and i was like okay. You're totally my people. We'd be friends and she's kind of like me like in the beginning. She doesn't say a whole lot. So i was like. Oh i don't know. But we wound up in the baby wearing facebook group richmond and you had an exchange numbers so i posted something and she commented and was like. Oh we miss seeing you. And i looked at her profile and i was like oh. It's her their heart's racing like yeah. Yeah so you became friends. So did you like schedule. Your first eight. She had posted on facebook. Like i want to go the gym. Can somebody watch my daughter. And i was like bring. Does she dropped her off and they watched frozen together and she went and did her workout and like we hung out for a little while after. But yeah just kind of like organically. It wasn't like forced you know but yeah she's got two kids like same age as as mine. So is there anything that you have found being friends with her that you all don't agree on or anything about a work through or is it just kind of a mutual respect kennison's stay one I think really a mutual respect kind of thing. We're really like minded about a lot of things and we're just really honest. People in general were not going to blow sunshine. Many ones you know what our friendship is. Just really easy like that. Have you run into any situations. Where like new moms can get really mean girly when it's more than one in a situation when there's like a group of them or group of moms You know you hear a lot about you. Know just catty. Pta meetings and and stuff like that like jimmy advice other than just be confident in who you are and yeah i mean. I haven't had that experience. Because i feel like when i've maybe gotten my friends together. I have a sense of like who will get along well with other people. And i just wouldn't put them in that position. If i thought something might not work out well but yeah. I think like what you said. Just kinda be true to yourself and not worry about it and if you don't become friends you don't become friends and there's somebody else out there for you. I don't know how. Okay so. I start like getting kinda shaky when i think about the fact that you have so many like. How do you maintain that many friendships like this many and at the end of the day. Sometimes i'm like oh have i touched base with so and so or hey. Look my best friend from college. We'll go for five weeks without talking to one another in. She'll call one day and then she'll call the next day and then maybe the third day i'll answer the phone and like make time to talk to her. Not because i don't adore her but because like literally. I have to shift mentally you know and i want to be there and i want to listen and i want to be engaged Do you feel like how do you manage all of that. So i think. I try to do a good job of being the one to reach out. And if somebody pops into my head if i can't reach out to them like in that moment just make a mental note like tech so and so like soon and just say oh i'm thinking about you. Hope all is well and just like touch base because it's a relationship like it can't be. I can't wait for them to reach out to me. So i i try to initiate that first. Step when i can. I haven't had the bandwidth to very much. And i feel awful about it. Well i mean. I feel like it's with right now. What advice would you give bombs. Who are struggling. Who are maybe at home with one or two kids pandemic and are trying to find some companionship and comfort and all that jazz. I don't know that's so hard right now because you can't exactly just meet up for a plate and you know you can't get a break and your time has probably occupied twenty four seven by your family and you know all the other glass balls that you have to keep in the air. I mean i think there are some. I mean not to toed our own facebook group but i feel like latch mama. Love is is a great one in the sense that there. It's very well moderated by sarah and by myself and by other people who you know. We shut shut judgmental stuff down pretty pretty quickly and i feel like it's it's been a good outlet especially during the for moms to come together to discuss things and hang out and people seem pretty social and they definitely are so i think social media great option zoom calls. Have you done these. Doom calls with your friends at all or yeah a lot of them. Do they work or are they. They do. I feel like the zoom fatigue is real by like one of my little friend circles with nikki like we've done it's us and to others and we've done like a handful since march just to lake touch based and like check in and sometimes i don't know we'll get on like eight thirty or nine and there have been sometimes. We're until like midnight like talking to each other. Yeah oh you're introverts kind of wonderful i am. I thought i was an introvert. And maybe i'm just not. I don't i don't think you are. I think he hang out with lindy. And i'm more and learn that you're definitely not an introvert introverted. Extrovert yeah that thing. Yeah can be extroverted. When i need to be laid content and stuff i'll be extroverted i mean sitting here i'm somewhat extroverted to the world but like no me sitting on a zoom call is probably come up with anybody in life that i would sit on zoom call with eight thirty at night until midnight so i'm impressed. I'm impressed by the friendships and the maintenance and you come through for people like you show up. I if you need a meal sarah would be like the first person that will show up like. She don't even need to ask her like you. Don't even need like one of those meal train things like sarah. Just here's you have a hard day and like just shows up. It's amazing it makes david so mad. Does it really for awhile. It did like why bringing all these people food and i was like dude. Shut up everybody brings us meals when we have a baby or whatever like put into the universe what you want to get out of it. You're good friends. It's awesome and i love it and it's to be celebrated and you know i think we we all need to be more like you and you know i think like you said you. You get what you give out in the universe and I dunno it's cool. So i think we all need to be just a little more extroverted like you said reach out. I know you're thinking. Have somebody reach out. And that's kinda how friendship start. And that's how they build and You know we all just did that. Then we would all have people at the end of the day long crazy rainy winter days. Thank you so much for being here. I'll come having me. Thanks for being a my life of being in. Everybody else's is to fame.