Parent Corner: 2019 Edition | The Bill Simmons Podcast


Today's very special two thousand eighteen parent corner addition of the bill. Simmons podcast is brought to you by Carmax. The folks at Carmax. Big Your shopping test S. driving and car buying experience easy the way it should be in fact they make it so easy. The my nephew kyle did it. He started his search CARMAX DOT com filtered through over fifty thousand carmax vehicles nationwide and found a carmax certified Ford Mustang within his budget that he named Maxine Carmax took could through all the tricky stuff financing options credit applications down payments and pros and cons of that haggling or the pressure to buy US seven day. Money back guarantee to make sure the car is right for you with full disclosure after week. Cow Kept the Mustang. Stop by your local Carmax for details. Discover how easy buying a car. Carmax this can really be. Were also brought to you by the ringer dot com where we are still cranking away at the tail end of two thousand nineteen here and the end of the decade and the Ringer podcast network. Where the REWATCH ables Quentin Tarantino first of three films that we did with him? which ironically the one hundred third the third of these phones will be the one hundred episode of the Rewatch ables? Yeah so this week was dunkirk. Cutie Chris Ryan Sean Fantasy and then in one next week and then the one hundred three watch was episode. The week after that subscribed to the reliable's on apple on spotify. Wherever you get your podcast all right coming up here are all the parent corners that cousin Sal and I did over the course of the two thousand eighteen? NFL season. If you're not familiar with this this gimmick we started doing it. I'm going to say five years ago. Four or five years ago. We started joking about things that were happening with our kids. I Jokingly Kinley called the parent corner then we seriously called a pair quarter then. We started doing them every week. And it took a life of its own and here it is a best of appar corner two thousand eighteen. I are friends from Pearl Jam Okay well. My son is a freshman. Your daughter's a freshman may school. Playing football broke broke. The Old lady down. Yeah he just loves it so much. He was done with flag flag. Football put the pads on that their first game last week. He's tall somehow and I have to look into this even more. But he's almost six one He's playing linebacker like I'm not. I'm sure I'm wife Short. Yeah I'm an eyeball and every Fedex guy that comes by I like to over. Yeah it's all right I try to ignore it but you know it's obvious so we have to figure it out. Send does he's like a mutant. He is very base fourteen. Yeah six one right. Just looks like he's like six eight right so we asked play football and he loves the game. Watches all the games and then plays tackle before goes in their first game. Two tackles only play half the game at linebacker. The full game got two tackles recovered a fumble tip to passes They beat a team from Compton. Ready for sixteen. Yeah the quarterbacks good quarterback trained with Matt liner over. The summer could be a good team. And this is may ninth grade freshman year everything's great and we get the announcement from the The wife that one concussion he's done and so Well and I thought about this and I like I have to have her back. I did I told my son I was like. That's right one and you're done and and that's why if you ever feel Uzi. Don't frigging say anything and my wife didn't like that too much it's terrible. I know it's a bad thing. We shouldn't be laughing about this but is that fair one and done I. Am I just just a horrible father. If he gets one like we can keep going laugharne. Yeah bad enough for letting him play and then if he had won. I shouldn't even be talking about it. But it's it's it's a possibility right. Credible start to pair carmax tail search for your next CAR CONVEX DOT COM anyway outta there with us anywhere. I don't want to make a joke of it. But is that where we're rat like. If you let your kid play you can only allow like one of these where I think. That's a one and done. Oh got the new one and done. I'm fine a vibrant. My son Boo my mother-in-law comes and sent him a gift certificate advocate for Amazon coming and I forget who was for was is for like back to score or something. So He's excited and he decides he's going to spend the money on the gifts shift. Get himself we get a fifty dollars. Bb Gun oh that was for ages. Sixteen and over. And what do you mean we get a we get it in the mail We're like some package from Amazon. It's a BB gun on with two hundred bullets in it and it's for people sixty and over and we're in my wife's I with the House this why wait did we get a BB gun. Ben Claims it was a he wanted to buy a gun because he acts out scenes from movies in the backyard that he wants he wanted to have a prop gun acting out scarface movies he was. He's different movies. Freddie Mercury shot up eight eight hundred number so that happens and then a day later does fake knife comes into the bill. Oh no and it's one of those where you stab somebody in the wages appropriate. And we're like what's going on to see psychiatrist. I I just need props for the backyard. And we're like what the hell is going on with you. And he thought it was like the funniest thing and I forget. What was the other thing he bought? Oh the third thing was the Szechuan sauce. Fifty dollars so rick and Maurice. Donald Session has this McDonald's Szechuan set you on Saas. Yes it's like a joke right. Yes an episode. That Ben Loves Rick. And morty and he just wanted to get it and they brought back for a limited time for McDonald's and now you can only get it from third party sellers for like X. amount so he bought that as well it all came in our. It was all smushed. Half of the Szechuan sauce was all whatever. It was more the fifty dollars because he'd already had some stuff three things he bought where something he thought was a prop toy gun that was actually a BB gun. He's he's never even seen a knife that he was pretending to stab us with but then immediately broke because it was like a dollar. That's good and then Szechuan stuff that all broken. And it's still on the famous when we bought Kyle Flash Gordon Jersey in Ben's grown now and the pastures is fit. So I was like. Do you need another Patch Jersey. And he's like I do something are I'm GonNa get you new pastures zine. Would which one do you want. He's like I want my name on it Aaron Hernandez now. So I'm like aren't you want your name on it. So again Simmons. What number is eight none? I want Melatonin. That's his rap name. Ah You should know about. Of course it's a name so melatonin sixty nine because I have sixty nine. He's it's like I'm like I'm a thousand percent not doing that. So he got thirty three. So Kyle is a Flash Gordon Jersey and my son has melatonin thirty three. And he's he's like it's going to be good for our first video. Unlike your eleven. You're going to jail you just bought a BB gun on my man so thirty three. Refer Larry Bird but on the Patriots and Melatonin. Is that why thirty three. It's like a Simmons Fat Guy Number Melatonin and he's all fired up up us an instagram grandfathering. He thinks it's going to be great for the rap video nice and that's my son starting sixth grade. Who is playing? He's GonNa do. The travel baseball and play for the football team. Really hopefully not do last boy scout with the prop gun. He bought reading a well. There you go carmax. BB guns knives in concussion. We're back all right so this weekend. I was watching the three boys and my wife was away for the weekend and I have to say like she does a great. These kids wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her with me at all but watching kids over the weekend versus during the week is different right like during the week you have to bring him no all kinds of practices and extracurricular curricular activities after school. You have to do homework as bad. It's tough you have to make launches. She does a great job with that but on the weekend as long as there's no sports and soccer hasn't started from my little one yet. My oldest one plays football during the week. If there's no sports data easy pickings right you could just set them on their own. They're on their IPAD and you feed him a couple times a day and that's that so that. That was my plan so I wake up Saturday morning and I start on my book and I get done about nine. Am Nine thirty. Am I going. I should go down these kids and I go downstairs. I said the youngest one I was like what do you want. You want. Cereal or rope male praying. He doesn't say because add involves me like putting hikes. Yeah you know what I mean rather than just pouring cold milk into a ball. He says cereal we go through it. It likes checks and I go in the pantry going to pull out the checks and he comes behind me. He's got a full bag. He's got the now an empty bag of peanut butter butter. Pretzels is eaten. All of these. As like Oh my God. It's already had breakfast on his own but a terrible father I am and I'm like oh I'm look I'm like look at you. You're going to be a real fatty and he says to me he's like well you're already fat and just walks away. Wow was it. I was like all right. I'm going back up to my room. I'm on a ride along to see these little bastard. Kids for another three hours stitched him. So that's it. Yeah not that much of a great story but you you. You feel like it's easier on the weekends because it's really up to you how much you want to put in right. Oh it's gotta be because you can just throw ipads and Sarah at them and basically dear on on Saturday. Friday gotTA drive people places you can also just feed them and not see them. I WANNA post mates or you know you can order. Could come come to the door. Do you let your kids order from eating APPS. I haven't yet. I'm a little worried about that. You're you're at that stage now right well My son The Moral Ben. Simmons had a very brief post mates run that ended abruptly when you guys were showing up from Cipolla with one Burrito Rideau and we were like all right. Good that's coming up your phone but So my corner. I I want to preface this by saying that My daughter's soccer team. I think our parents are really particularly. It's a good group. We have bad apples. We have been trained to behaviorally well on the sidelines Our coach really does believe like if we we're supposed to stay quiet. Just cheer not tell our kids what to do all that stuff and definitely don't yell at the Rafts led him handle if it gets met So we're we're playing this big tournament this weekend in oceanside and we win the first two games and we advanced to the semi finals. But there's still one game left on a Sunday morning and basically it's it's like all right we'll just kick the ball around Just try not to get anyone hurt. It's one of those games. 'cause we got to be really ready because semifinals and the finals are on a Monday right so game starts really physical getting more and more physical and the lead the the the center umpire. Whatever he's called the lead Ref Is Seems Pretty Young. Doesn't seem like an adult. Seems like he may be sixteen or seventeen Max six and has no idea what he's doing starting to get shipyard starting to get chip Beers second-half starts and now it's like rollerball and our kids are getting taken out spouse left and right at one point I thought our midfielder who's a nice kid actually world around their fists clench at that we're actually gonNA have a fight on the field. I was was getting out of control and the rest. Doing nothing we start. Were yelling and you know from a parent standpoint. The only thing you want is you don't want your kid to get hurt again right. So we're all like we're reacting. His parents like you gotta get control of this game. What are you doing now? He's getting mad at us. The other teams doing more and more finally one of our kids just get stacked and her head hits the grass. Oh no she's like kind of half crying but really more upset. We're all going nuts. It's and now it's like you know the NBA where it's like the trainer when there's a fight the trainers pretend they have to make sure the players don't run on the court. So they're hitches bended so so we're combination making sure nobody gets mad enough to actually lead charge somebody. Our coach comes out and he's like the maddest of ever seen a means of getting thrown out. It's a red card so now we were up one nothing in this game now. We just want it to end because it's like somebody's GonNa get hurt in this game. This is crazy. It's like a fifteen year. Old Girls Girls Soccer Games so stupid game. There's penalty kick with like a minute left that they cause for some penalty in the box. This ref who is now like You know he's like the nineteen seventy two Olympics. Basketball REF causes crazy penalty. And now this other team has a penalty kick with the chance to tie it. Our goal ends up saving. Ed We win the game. The REF sprints off past us to get away from US and runs to the to the to the the whatever the tend to put in the score and our manager follows them and I follow because I wanna make sure like nothing else happens you go over. And the REF is basically like unraveling unraveling like he's in the Blair witch project and he's telling her badge like I'm sorry no I didn't do my best and it becomes clear there's kids like like fifteen. Oh no and somebody must have called in sick but this is like a big tournament like you have like real rests for this. And it's clear like he just shouldn't have been in this spot and meanwhile we almost had rollerball in this you soccer thing. So I'm like conflicted because I'm like we're we're yelling at this guy but we wanted our kids to be safe But on the other hand where you know yelling at this kid and he's fifteen and whatever so I for so for this episode of Pan Corner. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole thing. But at one point one of the parents and our team because somebody's taking pictures and was like we have pictures and the guy looked over like with scared like we're gonNA blackmail me was just pictures of our kids getting elbowed in the back Jack and tripped and knocked over. What does that have to see picture? He sees he lived the game right all right so hearing that story. What do you think our role is on? The the sidelines are normal. Normal Group of p of parents who just supportive who knows sale at core now worried one of their kids are GonNa get hurt. How far can Ligo in that situation? I think I think first of all. I think it's very hard to see your kid get repeatedly injured or busted up and nothing being done about it but I think he did. Well keeping your cool. The X factor could be the other parents. How much are they egging it on or they just telling you Josh Up? Stop being a baby because that could put you nuclear so then you lose it all right so this was. I will say the other parents did not do that which I thought was a good thing And recognize that it was a young overwhelmed referee and it sucked the these calls weren't made but but I think the answer is you have to send Ben Simmons Cities Games with his BB gun. But I did we. We had we this semi final final again today and we lost in penalty kicks which dating but rape before the game. And I say this every I'm just GonNa say this confirms benefit You're supposed to pick ecocide and put your chairs on one side. All the parents on one side the parents from the other team and the other side and the reason he do this is just because if there's a situation like that game when it turns into rollerball you don't want parents parents right next to each other. Then that could God knows what happens. parents rick rate near the game. These two ladies put the chairs on our our side and Kinda looked like you guys have to go to your side and The lady does the irony goes really like like offended offended that she has to go to her side. Some and it's made us again for America's Benefit Stadium fucking side there's two sides all the parents. Yes Sir on the side that you know. You're on that side. We're on the other side. There's a midfield there's a whole line that goes right down the middle and you're in one side or the other you can't be on both I like it I I'll tell you about my five year old. Who is playing soccer now? He was on this team last season. Actually in the spring with all his friends in school every one of them was like six friends in In his preschool class. They're all in this baseball team. There were the mets he. He loved it. We got along with the parents we held the end of the year. Party at our house. they warn insufferable. The parents actually like them which is tough for me. It was great now now. They have the soccer team in the fall and Harrison. My son is two days too old to be in that league. The soccer The the way they sort out the ages for the soccer is different than the way they do it for baseball so he's two days to old. There's a kid on the team. That's two days younger than him but my son can't do it because he's Today's to also he has the plan another team so but the coach offers this he says. Hey One I'll just order extra jersey. He could show up. He's five. Who gives a shit that you know? They're not competing for a giant trophy here. The coach other coaches are GonNa know there's no roster is not gonNA call me out and that'll be that income in as a Saab or there's always two kids that can't make it or whatever I was like. That sounds really good. My Wife's like let's do this by the book. They'll probably let us do that anyway. But let's let's just let the league decide as I don't think it's a good idea but go godspeed. Do it sure enough calls op up gets a commissioner on the phone or email through email. There are absolutely no exceptions. He cannot play with his friends. He's going to have to be on this other team so so now she's furious and now I'm not sure now I'm like well this is this is your fault you screw this up. We could have had the Extra Jersey we could order it it. It would have been fine and now he has to play on this other team and not only now. Is he playing on this other team. They moved those that game for some reason the schedule. There's three games on Sunday so I have to. The see was everything was great everything lined up for a Saturday season. Now he has half the schedule is on Sunday and and and their practices is our Saturday at two. Oh two days to weekend as a ruin for five year old soccer. I have today so I was like what kind of maniac I have a question. Why are they having practice for five year? Olds that's dumbest thing I've ever heard by running around like a chicken with their head. Cut Off there's no brightness for them I said I was like you shouldn't go the practices. This is this we have a couple of days left with a million things going on. Why two o'clock do we? You have to bring it into practice. Well maybe he won't play. Maybe they won't play him if it's not a scholarship team like I don't get it so that's that we're stuck with us. Saturday and Sunday real quick quick. The older one the freshman has a game in Anaheim football. Yeah on Thursday. I'm driving out there About halfway there and I got a call from my wife saying the game is cancelled. Because it's too hot it's ninety and it's and it's humid and they don't WanNa take any chances and I was like you gotta be kidding me. I know now I played through heat like this. I don't want to be the old man saying this but first of all this reminds me of the NFL we talked about why are they show scheduling September early September Games in Carolina and Tampa May. If they know there's going to be a storm hitting same thing here same same weather in Anaheim every September tenth. Have Their Games on the road. Now that's it so I had to turn back back in traffic for four hours but that's that I'm done that's brutal. I can't believe they have practiced for five-year-old's what is going on with this country. Yeah isn't that in. Check all the you know. The coaches are nuts. They love it. They love it so much and take off work Friday. We'll do Friday at five or something. You throw soccer. GEICO ball out with people wearing uniforms at two different teams. Yeah and all of them. Just cluster around the ball. There's no what are they gonNA practice just running into each other. You know what he's Zaken remember any of this. He might remember playing with his friends that he grew up with. That would have been cool but all right take that away. What are we going to do? What's his birthday? When's birthday December thirtieth? So there's a kid who was born January second on the team And that's a tough sports birthday when people ask me for advice is for parenting. I always the only thing I say is if you think your kids are going to be athletic. Try to game it so that they're born like late January early February. That's the move. Yeah that's really WANNA stack children. I understand for leagues. There has to be a cut off in a minute matters when they're eight nine ten and above but but come on five five in France. Fives pretty ridiculous My parents corner. There's just a lot to choose from with my son these days. It's a Israeli turning into one of the all-time characters. My wife gave him forty dollars to do because he was walking downtown to go get coffee or would some coffee drink with his friend Ben. They're gonNA walk around. That's good that story's going out right right there you can stop it. That was my whole thing I was like. Why did you give him forty dollars? Why don't you give them like ten dollars? She's I don't know I just grab money for my Wa so giving him forty dollars the game. Show where you're giving like just dumb eleven year olds money to just spend the same way he comes back and there was some sale sale from a store. And he's carrying all this stuff is a mom distort a sale. I don't forget the name of it again all the stuff and it was. I can't even describe what the stuff was a thing. It almost looked like a stand. And he's like I'm GONNA keep by trophies on this. He hasn't won a trophy. I don't think yet but I think you would want baseball trophy so so. That's great this ugly Stan. I don't even know where it's going to go. You have that and then it was like there was one giant long key that Eddie really liked because it looked like a key for scary movie. It's like look at this. It was marked down from ten to one dollars. Yeah because it's a fucking giant what what is the key to my heart on it. Oh my God and then there was like some gold chain so anyway he spent the whole forty dollars then. My wife's Manama's added a Muslim. Why are you mad at him? He's an idiot. You should be mad at yourself so we have that then the other thing was I rejoined my fantasy league without at my friends from high school. The one that I was in from nineteen ninety which adds ed skipped out on. Because I didn't want to be in multiple leagues and they already made me feel guilty. Yeah Sombat I'm back in. That did the online draft thing but I wanted I told my son I was like we should be partners for this. He's like great so we do the draft. He's interested right to the point where he really wanted me to take Baker Mayfield which might be the only quarterback. He knows other than Tom Brady. So we take him and then disappears has gone for the rest of the draft downloads the CBS APP on his phone. And then he can look at our team and he's all excited sighted about that he's like hey daffy look at. Our Team were favored to win this week. All the staff and I'm going to watch football with you in Kyle and Sunday like great so comes around. It's like nine fifty five West Coast time the union come out and watch football. See I'm going to be out there. One second. I'm just going to go on. The trampoline comes in. He's in for two minutes. Watches like to Baker Mayfield passes like I'll be right back. I never see him again. Just gone the rest of the day no interest just in anything then comes back and starts yelling at me because we also have Lamar Jackson who I didn't start because I started mayfield because that's the only football player. Yeah my son's heard of other than the Patriots and I'm like I started Baker Mayfield because that was the guy you were all excited about. You WanNa Baker Mayfield. He's like a dad. The Mars five touchdowns what are you doing. What are you doing? You're so dumb remorse football. You're not even out here so now we're yelling at each other. And then he ends up not watching any football and now he doesn't care about the fantasy team because we lost and we suck and I picked a bad team and he doesn't want to be on my team anymore stabbing you with giant key well and then the other thing is he has a patch jersey. That has his rap name on the back back. Kyle the Flash Gordon Jersey so he got his melatonin Jersey and then wouldn't wear that tonight because he was still mad about the bastard yet. Because it's the Michael Jackson child off to sports really off. The football only only need to see was to bigger Mayfield passes well what you realize is when we were growing up all we WANNA do is like watch sports with our dad right Is like what was better than Oh yeah watch a game with my pops. The they don't WanNa do that. They just WANNA watch coach. You know a prank video on Youtube. Yeah Houston Agean yelling at your father for starting upside the head so fast well and then he was. He's been researching his Halloween costume. Who's the guy is going to be? Kyle he's going to be this guy from visit a youtube. It's a youtube video my other. I don't know and I'm Mike Micoud that so in in Zoe goes he's guy in Dana dobric video. He sleeps with all these girls and smokes a lot of pot so funny funny to be him and for Halloween on Mike. That doesn't sound funny at all. Can he not do that. Kyle comment today. Ben Tried to stab him with his knife. Take on the lookout for it. I thought he was actually going to stab me with a knife and then plunged in and then it receded into itself because this was the one dollars thank you. But he's on his trophy kate. Yeah that's going to be the first talented. He's you do character the every year. This is going to be the first child and character the year. Love it uh-huh sal usually goes I. I'M PARENT CORNER BUT WE'RE GONNA let HOUSEGO I. This type has a good one. So well this is really a testament to the the many inadequacies that I possess as a father as a grown man. As a tech savvy. Human being in the twenty first century. My son loves the game. roablocks yet is One of these character-driven Avatar driven you know you're you're the character and all of these environments and situations and like a lot of these Games where you you know you have one character character interfacing with others. You can enhance the shit out of out of this character's attributes and His navigation skills his his fashion fashion and my son very early on showed a real appetite for making his his avatars handsome as possible. Yeah and also equipping him with whatever modern technology where water warfare technology so he spent four hundred sixty dollars last week on The road blocks enhancements because I have probably four times gone into the stupid effing APP indeed disabled and UNT untethered third by pay pal and Unin taking the ethnic credit card off the thing and I'll be God damned if he hasn't figured out what you just do pop up up up up up and then I get a bill from from tunes. Four hundred and sixty mother effing dollars for what for what what what is it. Oh Daddy I has Mohawk petty. I got a Mohawk character is eleven inch pianist. Stuck right in my hand kidding me. Yeah so that's my and I'm sure there's a fixed this. If you know the fixed please send it to me on the twitter order house from DC. Please help me fix the editing roadblocks. I don't think you have to pay for that but I think it's funnier that you do so for under sixty dollars I was I hope not just to piggyback on that. My son US did the same thing and we had to change all the passwords. It's impossible for new order anything but somehow somehow I got this bill last night when I was at remembered sweating. Shout out the records wedding by the way a great time and it was a nineteen dollars. Ninety nine cents Sony Interactive Services Mrs Playstation thing so. He went on my account and bought something. That in order was so I emailed him. Did you buy our texted him. Did you buy something. Think back look as the OFA show. Snoop Dogg gift. A GIF OF SNOOP Dogg dotty and it said Oh fo Sho. Yeah it's a question. Mark Bill Simmons to Benson's. Did you buy something and again I I show and then I have money that he texted. I pay you back. Not even Alpay back back. So his grammar continues to be terrible. It turns twelve months and even my parents quarter. So you're up all right. I'm up so I told you last week or the week before about my five year old. Who wants to play soccer with his friends? But he's exactly two days too old for that league so he we asked to play a league up and asleep. Plays on Sundays so Good for me and not only do they play on Sundays. They played Sunday at one PM. Which for football all fan on the west coast is the worst time the worst time for a game to start and by the way even worse when there's ten frigging early games three late late afternoon? Ten and three is not the ratio. Anybody wants so you as you know you guys were watching. And how she would most games on your parlay their Green Bay Game Baltimore Damore Game Detroit game houses. You're watching the Pittsburgh game all came down to the wire some scrambling to get out of the house. I finally get to the game. I'm like five minutes late but not too late to to see my five year old allowed to goals and forty five seconds. He's playing goalie and he's thrown a fit and so they take him out a goal and now we slide tackling everyone. He's playing good call for fouls every time tackling. Everybody like diving into everybody doesn't know what he's doing and but like when he called for a foul. He's I crying so he was like the big bully. That turns into a Wuss. Like what the Hell's going on here. So they end up losing like five. Nothing and I'm like I can't wait eight to talk to this kid I have to. I have to have to get his head straight. This is crazy he's aggressive and he sobbing and it's it's really weird and he's crying after every goal by the other team. Wait until I get a hold of them above before I can get a hold of him. He has to talk to his team. The coach like tells a male. You did good. We lost but losing doesn't matter anyway not only does a coach feed them that but they're the sharks and he dedicates the shark of the week. He acknowledges that there is a shark of the week. He pulls out a plastic shark and gives it to Harrison for being the shark of the week. And I'm like what the Hell is going on. Here how is he the sharper the week blabbering on the ground and pounding. What now how am I going to say? Hey Oh you did wrong. You gotta get it together when he's GonNa hold up the shark and say Oh really. Someone says I behaved prop- properly so the shark of the week so I I don't know Ah coach is a nice guy and everything. But you didn't do me any favors with these participation trophies this one coming in the form of plastic shark with his name on it. It's not like you pass it around. And so now he's always waving around. I can't teach this kid that he behaved improperly. I don't know what to do. You guys have any recommendations at this is just you. You've just explained everybody under thirty. Yeah I'll go to many parents already months. That's really awful. So Shark of the week my parent corner so my daughter who I love. Who's been on this podcast? WHO's a really sweet and thoughtful kid? The one the one whole she has in her sweet thoughtful resume not like great at cards and gifts which makes her like me. The Best Person I've ever seen at cards and gifts as me and sows cousin Jimmy ru for sure who is kind of the Michael Jordan of gifts. He's I don't know. What does he have like a google? Doc Sal he knows when everybody's birthday and everything is he's but he's buying Christmas. We heard he probably heard you say that. And to thank you for UH north of cards and give you like a rookie Larry Verger just just for saying that really incredibly thoughtful gifts. He's buying gifts for people in like July in March and just has three hundred people filed away in his brain. That he's just buying stuff for my daughter is not that person And I just somehow ended up with these kids that it's like Mother's Day and my wife's home and we're about to have dinner and they're scrambling around grabbing pieces of paper from the printer and hastily making mother's Day cards. I don't think I've ever gotten a gift from my daughter ever. Maybe I have my wife probably bought it so bring this up. Because she's been dating this guy and they had their one month anniversary this weekend count. Nice Guy Allgemeine shadow account. I like him good. First Boyfriend Zoe we where's Zoey is she. Oh she went. She went downtown to buy some gifts for anniversary. I'm like what Shantsev she comes back. It has this whole thing of all these different gifts she bought and she got him a card and she made him say spent hours like gifts and arranged some photo photo thing. And I'm listening to this and I'm just getting madder matters so we we're we're in DC for for the wedding and we're facetime having her and she's telling my wife about these gifts. She got her got him tomorrow. And I'm so excited and finally I got mad and I'm like Oh knows you've never got me a fucking gift if they ever Chico's back with that's true I made you that Celtics thing. Once which was like seven years ago I was. I was away for the finals. And she made me this painting with like six Celtics on it so she had to go back to two thousand thirteen so so my point is this. They do though. Daddy's little girl all that stuff but as soon as they meet a guy you're just dumped. Yeah because it's like nine gifts for the new guy. Meanwhile I've done is a better fucking chauffeur for her entire life. Children are all around southern California for every soccer tournament. Where's buy gifts I want to buy? Hi but in but that's some gifts because I'm so I'm so thankful. He stood in a hundred degree weather last week to watch me play soccer and sweated sweated in guy and then had to drive two hours no gifts for me. I think DADS being a bad first boyfriend. That's what it sounds like to me. It's a great point. If you had a boyfriend you gotta get it for one anniversary I just Stanford Istan of what's right is what I stand for and you know it's give me a father's Day Card Co.. Story give me like three cards. Just read a nice no readiness. Sappy note made me feel good for a minute. If you WANNA feel good bill I could send aplastic shark. I don't care I'll put it in the mail tomorrow. I think you'd like it if Carmax sent me a car I do love my daughter though. I should say she will be taking care of me. Someday when I'm in a nursing hopefully hopefully hopefully they view the ocean Well I feel bad because this is neither fun or funny but I'll tell you I'll I'll say advance it has A not so terrible ending but My son is playing freshman football. It took a lot of convincing of my wife to get this go and we even had Tony Romo a few years back. Try to convince convince or say. Hey come on. He could play contact right at contact. Football's fine and he's like he doesn't have to start until ninth grade so he didn't start until ninth grade even though all his friends were playing thing in seventh grade. Now he's on the freshman team he loves it. The team's pretty good They have a game A Thursday afternoon game one of his teammates catches inches. A ball and a flat turns around and gets Pummel Helmet to helmet. Hit is probably a foot taller and then he's on the field. This kid my son's teammate. For the next forty minutes and You know his his feet or flailing. Oh no like holy crap. Is this involuntary voluntary or like at some point The mothers pretty good with it. She's on the field. It took a long time. Finally an ambulance came name. Forty minutes later take him to the hospital. He had like a neck injury. He's he's fine has a neck gray. She texted a thumbs up to all his teammates. teamates but I I. I don't know what to say except that you know when you watch your favorite team play in a in a player on your favorite team had that socks socks and you're like oh this is brutal even someone on another team when you're watching your kids game and it's someone on your kids team. It's like time's a thousand thousand and then I cannot even imagine as a parent what this is like for forty minutes. Not knowing what's going on like I said everything while ended up good but I'm okay if he decides not to play and he seems okay. Everyone on team is okay with it but it's just so scary and also it's really bad for my brand. I mean a lot of the parents like Oh oh house brand. Does your brand okay. You know don't worry about my brand as a kid on the field but now really I don't know I just had a big wake up call at that and nothing to same one that Jesus most depressing parent corner of all time. Sorry I know was forty minutes but it's relevant relative to what we say element the other thing is at like. I have to go to every game. I don't care where the road games are apt to kind of make everyone because this is Now have that on my mind too you know. Aw Man started bummed me out but this is this is reality. Thank God for Ben Simmons. Because just 'cause just when you thought parent corner was GONNA get depressing. We Ben Simmons so I can get on his instagram account and read his dams and stuff. Because I the papers phone and that's part of you know that's part of the deal would I didn't realize I hadn't checked in a while. Is He is new habit now of deeming celebrities on instagram Graham and hoping they email him back so he emailed that after we went to the it to screening he. DM Bill Hader and was like what's up dude. He was like cinema photo and he was like I at the premiere for it. I don't know if he thinks bill haters going to sift through his DMC and maybe him back. But it's been a lot of that. There's there's might have been some women that he's attracted to WHO's been like. Hey what's up. I think you're great. But my favorite he. He texted this rapper. Rapper named nine sixteen frosty. WHO's actually fantastic? He's he's hasn't blown up yet but it has a couple of really good songs but as you know my my son and his And his Buddy Lucci. They have their their rap. The rap in we played we played that song at the start of the podcast today. TIC TAC and Melatonin so he he. DM's nine sixteen frosty and July twenty third and says dude. You're a god but it's why. Oh you are does no response. That's from night. Sixteen frosty then on August. Twelve frosted amount DMZ mcgann and says Melatonin. I'm a rapper. I work with tic attack. You A god and then adds tag for real says is is rap partner at just in case maybe he does take tag for real. Yeah that had to get his attention now so for nine sixteen frosties gone through his. DMZ GETS A melatonin rapper. I work with TIC TAC back. You Guys Oh. I didn't realize you work with tic TAC then texts and you're my hero still no response eight days later. You're the best. Why Oh you are the best so so to be fair? I don't Think Nine Sixteen frost is disregarding the direct message because he got his urine yours. Wrong I mean he probably they don't think it was on. I think it's important. He also emailed an actress McKenna. He just emailed a clapping emoji. He's just coming through. It's Nick Kroll. He really likes told Nicole. Hey Nick big fan no response from neck. So my sends sends a celebrity instagram. Deanne game has been a little off so far obnoxious to start off because it was one day it was like a Tuesday and and we had the cleaning lady comes once a week. I don't want to sound too. Too Crazy to presenters and the window washers never ever come but we weren't able to see outside outside. Our windows was so filthy we finally broke down and got a window washers to come to the house so cleaning lady in the window washers are there the same day. That's Tuesday Newsday Wednesday. We got a text from the cleaning lady tough to read little language barrier but she says The oldest oldest boy. I put his money in the black suit in his closet so that the window washers couldn't get to it. I was like. Oh Wow. That's nice first of all. I don't know why my son has money at in the first place but you know she took the money away because she thought someone was going to in some of the strangers. We're GONNA take it so that my son I was like what happened is like Oh yeah I wondered about that I had like a hundred and ten dollars out on my end table and it was gone. I want to say anything. He's like. I thought the housekeeper took it and I didn't want to write her out when a good kid. Wow Yeah pretty good wait a second. Why did he have one hundred ten dollars? Well that's the other thing I'm gonNA find out of. He's like selling meth in courtyard or something. He's not such a good kid but now I think he got it from like babysitting. It doesn't matter. He lost his F ING phone a camping. So he's GonNa have to pay that to pay anyway but anyway the sentiment demint is nice. He didn't rat out the cleaning lady. Or maybe the sentiment is nice. Maybe you could have had like this terrible thief in your house and he just would have sat passively early and watched it happen. Oh interesting am I looking at this the wrong way I see. I don't know how to evaluate it anymore is why I'm bad parent. This is my corner but I I turned fifty last week and I talked about how my kids you know aren't really like they don't make cards and do stuff like that and how mad I was when my daughter had her one meant anniversary of the boyfriend and went to downtown and got her nine gifts and cards and so near the turn fifty No card from either of my children no no no card gift from either them. Now you know what I did get though that apparently was more meaningful INSTAGRAM posts for me to them on their instagram stories including one from my daughter where she wrote like a really nice long note on instagram. I am Dad. She claimed she worked forever on. It was more important than a card and then my son actually did a very nice short thing for him because he's the lease Sentimental Cato ever live The also did a nice little thing with a picture of us and they both seem pretty convinced that that's a bigger deal than giving giving somebody a card because their friends can see it. You know it's it's the instagram currency matters. More than just handing somebody a hallmark heart. I don't know how I feel about this. So we're going to have to kyle for his reaction Kinda what matters more to kids under fifteen to the kids. We're talking about kids. Yeah so the kids they kind of do get something out of it though. They probably took a good picture of them or like acute wine where people are going to the radio. My God you look so cute in that picture when your four zero right so so it ties into the narcissistic era. We live in now where now we're raising a generation of kids who can't even give a card because they would rather actually be in Ed being the quote unquote card themselves. They would have day also WanNa win with the car. Yeah there's no they're not gonNA get any like Santa filling out a card for you know they get one night twice and then you're gonna you're going to throw it out. It's a one laker for them. They're not GonNa do that so Friday night. My daughter's boyfriend comes over. Brings me a card. wrote me a really Nice Card with a note. I'm link any credit card from either can't in my frigging daughter's cool boyfriend. Colin got. Let me a car now. I can't even more now. It'd be devastated when they break up. Wow Yeah you have to make sure they don't break up. Now that's big. Well you know what you should tell your kids for now on take a picture. Take a video of the card and then put that on instagram. But I still WANNA frigging card. Get some legs out of it. I Yeah I think everyone wins in that scenario. Well that's not even my parent corner got home today and there were these packages at the front door. Said Ben Simmons in them immediately my reactions. You can guesses Ono. Two different packages one of them. Contain two things vampire blood which looks like an oil thing and then the other thing was Hollywood quality FX latex wound so you could put these things out and it makes it look like you've had latex wound learned right so I'm like all right. That's really weird. What's in the other box? It was a fake ax ax. Yeah an ax. Enacts jaryl weeks ago so now he has a fake knife retractable fake dive. Now he has a fake axe any as vampire empire blood and latex wounds so naturally I had to ask them like are you a syracuse. Her and he said no no. I'm getting ready for Halloween. And that was his answer to that. It is a little more disturbing if it's February and these things are coming into the door I understand. Yeah it's awesome so my my dad who they call Papa Doc. 'cause he's Dr Bill the Com- Papa Doc. When he comes Begnaud is ropes them into buying him stuff on Amazon? 'cause pop so he's a good. Can we go to Papas on DOT COM. And then my dad because kids figure out pretty quickly like the grandparents especially when they don't live in the same plays is there just the easiest marks there are right like right there just so desperate to win over a faction over the course of their cramming. Three days of you've you know friendship affection. Whatever else? That hat now has the last for next three months until they see the grandkids again. So they're basically the easiest mark and the plan it. My son realized that pretty quickly and now gave him the nickname pop. So now my my my dad now get something out of it was gay. Oh it's Papas. on-time on-time it's all things like he's a joy get beat well. He's getting his credit card. Just you know filleted. That's great thank. You could have at least picked up a card for you. Play as long as it's shopping right again. It's only one leg cards. One gets need allows prime. I'm a love. It actually have two quick things but one quick thing was Went camping with a bunch of families fancy camping and and One of the I don't want to name drop but Johnny Knoxville was there and my wife tells me I asked. My son was my five year old and she's like Oh Knoxville. Teaching matter ride a bike I says that a good idea knoxville teaching them and from Jackass. Yeah I don't know should a Child Protective Services. Just come right here right now. I don't say that too loud. But he has the seven of his teeth lab. So that's that's fine but not much of a story story there but I will say this earlier in the week we went to smackdown. Yeah out of fun. I'm sure we'll talk about it a minute but that was on Friday on Monday night raw. I'm sitting my five five year old down. We Watch and Ray ministerials in the ring and brought listeners. Throwing them around and they keep cutting ray mysterious son. WHO's in the second row? And and I said you know I said to my son Mike Harrison. Probably Friday. Going to sit in a seat like that. Pretty close that'll be good right. And he's like yeah. He's excited brock lesser than sides after he's done throwing Ramos around like a rag doll comes out of the ring reaches into the crowd grabs Ramos Zero Son and beats the living this out of them like like ten minutes and now my son Harrison is beside himself. He's like in tears. He's biting is like knuckles. I don't worry we'll we'll sit further back. That's going to refines artem for life that that my story but then we went. We had a good time right. Yeah I was GonNa part of mine was going to be how we sat next to each other. Her and it was your son. He was losing his wrestling virginity or live wrestling show virginity and it was and I was with my son who is now six years older than him. WHO's a veteran of the process at this point and it was really fun? reliving that first show through your son cause for twenty five minutes they're just catatonic. Yeah right they basically look like the cart has to come out and carry in. Take them off the field. Just deer in the headlights can't believe it can't process anything. Anything just glazed over and then about of the half hour mark they start to live in up and then about an hour and a half and really start to get into it but it it was. It was funny to hit those checkpoints. Again it's like it's everything you do at home and everything you can't do in school you get in trouble for their allowing it right in front. Lavar is guys are beaten the hell out of each other and costumes and daddy and Mommy and daddy's friend than dishonor are enjoying it too so they like all right it must be this is interesting. I forgot about that dynamic of it but so I the pear corn and I really wanted to tell was going to get Sushi with my son last night after he watched season three big mouth. But I'm not gonNa tell that 'cause I don't I don't want carmax get upset but it's probably the best one. Fortunately Trust me. It's the best one you ran it by me. Overtaxing my I said. Is that working so hot. We can't even put the stores in the podcast anymore so I should say he. He he watched sees the three big mouth. It came out on Friday night. He got up at four thirty in the morning. The next morning to keep watching it and finished take Pretty early on Saturday Unclear if he could read but he finished map ceases after smackdown. Yeah there's after these came home he watched to that night and then got up early and banged out the rest. He just loves that show so much so my daughter every Friday. She has date with her boyfriend. Who she's she sat for almost two months? Now I've talked about him before. He's a really nice kid so I'm watching Frieden on watching the dodger game my wife's away and it's probably seven eighth inning and they're upstairs watching a movie and then they come down and watch the game but I could tell she's she's like pissed off about it and says what's the score and he just like really wanted to watch this guy. He's a huge dodger fan. Really WanNa Watch Sanjay game also like one and hang. I don't watch a game and my daughter is Damon. The whole not really excited about this. She was having much more fun. You know in their room watching a movie that she was choosing and finally she liked leaves and goes to play the piano ditches on for like twenty minutes then comes back and she's still got a little bit of an attitude then goes upstairs for a little bit and we kind of had above it rows like yeah man women are difficult. He's now my friends even though it's my daughter and It was just kind of had a moment. We had like a bonding moment for like half hour. Watched dodger game kind of complaining about his girlfriend who who happen to be by daughter so then the next day. We're driving a soccer game. I'm like hey the e you know you gotTa take one for the team every once in a while. I'd hate to give the advice. I've had a lot of failed relationships over the years. But you know he. He's he's a gave Katie's doing just about everything you WanNa do. You WanNa Watch the dodger game for half hour you gotta take one the team so now she's frantic. She's she's sending a message. Is The game's about twenty minutes away from warm-ups and she's worried like she made him upset. She didn't realize they're sorting this out. And I'm like I'm so finally I man I shouldn't have told you and she's like you're right. You should know Sebastian. He's mad at me and the soccer against going so i. I don't know how I got in the south. I I don't know who plays out. You love it you had to be. I'm going to tell everybody something like we. We had a chance at the end of smackdown. was like all right. So let's go back stage we could maybe There's an area where you wait for your car and it's the wrestlers if you're on the VIP yet yet so let's do that. That's always fun. You're waiting you know your your side by side but triple H. He's waiting for his. Yeah hard to pick them up. And you're waiting for your your Mazda three sixty but And you're like now I gotta go home. I don't know I don't know who's supervising my daughter and her boyfriend I was like wow. They wanted to get out of there because it was my mom. WHO's downstairs watching Bill Maher and having liquor seventh classes Chardonnay? God God knows what's going on psych. There's no way my mom is like you know going up every twenty minutes to make sure the doors open all that stuff got pair. Corners is really getting dark. Really Cows bummed out go onto college already. Jesus Taryn Corner. Kyle isn't coming over and I think you're like me and that look professional wrestling. We loved it now. We've come back around eleven again but when we were growing up we loved it when it was Piper was Hogan when it was snooker a little before maybe Bob back on then. Ricky steamboat a little bit and then everybody started to love it speaking of ground swell and I backed off a little that that me out a little bit right the you the same way. Yeah yeah like what a band when they recorded a garage and you're hearing the Menendez there on top forty radio. That's enough yeah. That's what happened with the wrestling. Well so that's kind. It's happened with my son. My Middle Son My older son loved wrestling when added hard for a few years. Then my middle son. Jack loved it. When added hard still oh going tailing off a little bit but liking it and then the youngest son really is into it now just over the last few months? He got an undertaker costume for Halloween. It doesn't fit it all where like constantly cutting things down to the right size the wig the shoes and the hat and everything else and now the middle son who does not like my younger. Your son at all is now done with wrestling. He's like screw it. I don't want even compete and wrestling's dumb because my little brother likes it. Okay the problem is we have and I think you have you. You might be the only one who has more of these wrestling figures. Yeah I think we have like two hundred you might have like twelve hundred. I don't know but You know and there's no shortage of rings there's ladders there's all kinds of things and so you could have matches. I used to use star wars figures when I was a kid but they they they down a wrestler for everyone. Now we have like two hundred days My little ones playing with them. The middle ones like no. No no those are mine. These are off limits as the little title. One comes crying into my bed. I'm trying to watch the London game at six thirty in the morning. For God's Sakes GimMe Gimme some room and he comes crying says his youngest is an older brother says they're off limits and I was like no. That's ridiculous those aren't even hit. Those are his brothers that not even his and my wife is like you know what just buy new ones like. I'm not going to buy new ones. This is two hundred of these how much they cost between between fifteen and fifty dollars right. I'm not doing it. I'm getting pressured into buying the new ones. I'm not buying them. I'm not looking for anyone to send them to me. I just need I just need some. I'm crazy not to buy new ones right. You don't five hundred these things laying around first of all. I was that arresting about with your son. Nine days ago the Middle One. He brought a giant championship belt and right withholding over his head and screaming for two hours. So now he's at arrest like like well he's added because he doesn't WanNa make the little one look cool so if the little one likes something he wants it to be deemed babyish right. So he's got to kind of walk away from it. I I know he's a weird spot. Here he really is so eat. Sounds a little hypocritical. Sure I thought the best thing about having a third son was you just got take all the shit you bought for the other thing. Just give it to the third kid discount. It should be a perk for me. Yeah it's like it's almost like half half the cost of a real son because they just have the old shift from the other sons. Yes all right so now I need your wife to call my wife or tax and say you're you're acting foolish hair. Keep the wrestlers. Don't buy anymore that's all. It sounds like this is a nice place for Jack. You're middle son to prove and show that he it can be a bigger man. Brill doesn't have that in them you can't yet. I might check and be like Jack You could. You could be the bigger man here. gave him your your figures now now now. He's a big conversation now what he wants to quit himself and not let anyone have his figures. What if you bought the figures years from Jack and then replaced that asset with another asset? Then you're not buying more figures. Well that would have been nice plan if I didn't have the cowboys on a teaser. The chargers on the teas whoever else are we. So bad gable reorder yesterday Saturday my My parent corner. You know my son was on my podcast the other day. 'cause Nick Crowe hair I loved it and Sized first time I'd really ever seen him nervous which was shocking The good news is I think we found that on a Wednesday he recovered in time. ozanam Kapoor went to Friend's House that night. Who who has one of our friends me me and my wife's who also has two daughters who the younger daughter and banner in the same class and and a bunch of her friends? They're just a bunch of girls so ben was in his glory because he just had all of these sixth grade girls that he can do his thing with so my wife decides aside. She wants to leave and Ben is like I'm staying so he stays somebody else could be mariah home so he stay now. There's two series two on stay one is it's IT'S A. He's got all these sixth grade girls and the other one is the dodger games. On the Clinton the Clayton Kershaw disaster. Ben Decides to troll all the dodger fans in the living room and is telling people that Kershaw's GonNa Choke Oke doing this whole thing and then he did and he was like see. I told you he's trash. She's doing like the cocky eleven year old barely know anything about sports saying and is actually like pouring gasoline into the fire with these poor dodger fans who were just you know enjoying the game after young report then all hell has broken this I know nothing about this. I went to party last night. That had multiple DADS who at the thing in all of them separate separately brought it up to be how you should have seen your son. Trolling everyone at this. Yom Kippur they about the dodgers have to talk to them about About That's not cool. The troll people as they're going through just one of the most horrible sports experience as a Red Sox Fan and a Patriots Fan. How are you GONNA do? You should pay someone else. Yeah it's a good point I I might have to get like a Ram Spain crawl to do it or talk to him about it but Yeah he's he's doing the he he was doing the cackling thing no so they make eye kershaw. Does this all the time. It's just pouring gasoline. Sad at horrible. I was mortified. So Do I. That's that's the pair quarter of this week. Let's take a break from this very special parent corner episode to remind you that Carmax is simply the better way to buy a great used car folks at Carmax. Make your shopping test driving a car. Buying experience easy the way it should be in fact the make it so easy that my nephew kyle. He did it. He started his search CARMAX DOT com. He'd filtered through fifty thousand carmax vehicles nationwide the search filters helped him narrow down to a carmax tarmac certified Ford Mustang within his budget did not tell him what to name the car. He came up with that himself maxine. Why Mexico because I I just wanted to give a little nod to Carfax okay? Oh that's a good point that maxine Goddamn dumb. CARMAX WATT cow through all the tricky stuff the pros and cons aunts financing options credit applications downpayments. Everything else of course. No haggling. No pressure by ever from the Cup holders to vents Carmax knows that the little things become a big deal. When you're looking for a car so you always get a seven day money back guarantee to make sure all those little things are right for you you you? He's just kept the car it's still right. You can't stop parking on the street. Yeah because you showed up. I want people to know. Hey he doesn't parking garage. She parks on the street full disclosure. He kept the Mustang. I think he also got Max care for extra coverage. She loved that option as well. He loves maxine. Stop by your local carmax for details and discover how is he banger. Car At carmax can really be back to corner two thousand eighteen three boys. I've a fifteen. Yeah fourteen eleven fourteen year olds fourteen eleven and five and the eleven year old Quirky Kid. He's is going to run for spirit. Commissioner which is crazy because he wants nothing to do with school at all not a damn thing and all of a sudden he comes home and he says I want to be Spirit Commissioner Commissioner which involves like writing speech making posters campaigning. And all this other stuff. And he's going against another fifth grader under a kid miles so I have a lot of suggestions for posters which really are all about a smear campaign against miles els and the kids are laughing on. My wife is furious at all the suggestions on making everybody's laughing except for my youngest son because my youngest son they partnered kindergarteners with fifth graders. You know have like a fifth grade buddy if you're in kindergarten like the oldest kids in the school like t- taught got you well it. It should have been my son in my other son kindergarten fifth grade but they don't get along so my fifth grade son past he's like now let someone else take Harrison. I don't want to take them. Guess who picks them up. Miles picks up Harrison and Harrison loves miles and is rooting for miles and my son race against Spirit Commission. and which got so bad. That the by fifth grader in Arison like nose to nose yelling at each other about it it was like the civil war when when brothers fought each other yeah unlike both laughing and trying to pull them apart and it's just going to be bad it's just GONNA be bad next few weeks. It's amazing though the feud between the two brothers. We really haven't seen anything like this. Since Michael and Frago it feels like it's got that level of intensity right right. Yeah yeah they can either them through a toll booth anytime soon like when when you are Melissa. Your funeral one of them is going to be like. I'm not I'm not going until I'm sure positive. He's out the other ones out. I don't want my brother there. There is a lot of succession elements My Para Corner. I've talked about this before. But by my daughter and her boyfriend navigate every usually fried in this time. It was Saturday night and the hang out. They watch movies and it's really adorable. They really like each other but But this time around his mom came to come pick her up at pick him up at like eleven fifteen or something like that and the mom shows up. We're talking to are like hey come on down and Nothing nothing two minutes pass. Hey come on guys. Let's go nothing. Hey what are you guys doing their here. Some movement the by the don't worry store is not going to get gross Okay they come down. They're both like look like they've been asleep for like an hour They fell asleep watching movie and an Dang splendid as he had had a baseball game early he was tired. She'd played a soccer game. She was tired. Heard it was like. Wow you guys literally are married couple. Now you're falling asleep when you're watching. TV At ten o'clock and hey you've skipped all the stages of a relationship you've already gotten to the end the worst as part this fall asleep. Oh yeah all right how what happened. Oh I don't know I was just I was I thought you. I thought you said it wasn't going to get gross married couple. Don't want to hear that as this is really incredible. It's been ten weeks but it's really been fifteen seniors so yeah. They're getting the divorce. Soon I think is how this is going to play it. I was gone all week. I was in Brooklyn my wife came with me for the first time. She came Like Wednesday through Saturday or Tuesday through Saturday. Yeah she's never been there like for the it's a fun experienced Ernst. She knows everyone on the show chosen. Trust me on the road. But that's another story but she got her. She got her father and his wife Asia stepmother to fly out and To Watch our kids and like quiet people that from the Midwest they settled in Florida. They take Zuma NBA class. They go on walks. And that's they wrote onto a lot but they're responsible and they're going to watch our kids and I don't think they knew what they got into. Oh now yeah because you know I mean you have a fourteen year old. Who is not great about letting anyone know what she's doing or case but my I son is doing My wife has a tracker on her phone. So it's not as as bad. She could figure it out but they don't they don't see him they get nervous. There's that thing The other one won't the middle child won't eat he won't eat anything except till ravaged the whole ravage the the pantry and they go crazy over that Anne invites that neighbor kid over to also go through the pantry and so they were flipping out about that. I it just. It's just odd. Everything's off center her. And then the little one. This little bastard keeps asking my father-in-law why he's not still married to his grandmother grandma all throughout the weekend apparently and all throughout the week then so That's really it. There's not it's called to check in there in the car they're nice. They're shuttling the kids to practices soccer practices football practices and they're all in the car Stepmother father in law and the three kids and I'm like hey guys how's it going in the Middle Kid. Goes you have to come home right now. You have to come home a number for this with grandma and the right there. He's like you need to come home right now. We can have them. I was like what are you doing. So that's it so if anyone wants to watch chat three monsters Next year we got a Brooklyn pleased amid a resume. It's GonNa take much you just really know at the know how to drive is it. Sounds like there should be apparent version of carmax whereas people who can watch your kids for a week like Oh yes apparent max naked work. What'd you call at an get parents for a a week Max guest? Yeah the the fact that you did this to your wife. Saab parents was really kinda cruel yet is to welcome somebody house to your insane world with that. You know the two parents with the kids together all the time. You don't realize how weird some of the stuff has until somebody else's in charge for a couple of days and And they realize you like your middle son and younger son or feuding thank for real yes aflutter. Yeah Yeah that was bad all week to handle that. Yeah I don't know I mentioned in my little to playing off last week. My son lost that election. Oh Ah he was bummed out and the little one was happy so they had to deal with that. Oh my God We'll playing off that. What welcoming people into your world? So we had had a whole bunch of people here today because we were doing this state farm shoot for post game after the PATS and right after the packers chief so we had probably ten to twelve ringer. People People here setting up in the back. 'cause we're film and stuff and And I was like I really hope. My son doesn't look at this as an opportunity just to be just basically have an audience and in hidden right now. Of course he did and He got this new football. All that half of it is is square so you throw it like a spiral and it you know it bounces off the wall bounciest back two. I would have played with this for at one thousand hours when I was W yeah for sure I would never stop so he has. That came in the mail today for some reason isn't so he really wants to play but in the backyard. You know we have all these people and there's cameras and there's barbecue and all this stuff didn't stop him he's still whipping the ball off off things and going around and just doing his thing. Propane lamps spy. smasher smashing appropriate lips all that stuff. It's like all right. I I knew this is going to have these Ouaga. It through is coming in is coming out around. I would say six o'clock now. He's just in the t shirt and his underwear and in How'd you describe as underwear? SPONGEBOB UNDERWEAR SPONGEBOB under a not like Tidy Whitey. He's like a little longer small. Briefs we have a man we have women here in. Doesn't stop them so he's walking around. He's playing football. He's on the trampoline and And just just like just been put some pants on no no pants it up. So the good news is he left his phone in in the guest house Which I was able to crack the code and I went and I looked through all his tax with his girlfriend which I had done? Well that's great eight and who he calls boo and it's not just booths boo in the address book. But there's a hard and smiley faces. This isn't this stuff so I there was one taxed about. She was talking about applying the schools and she was really nervous about getting in all the stuff and in Ben Ben Texture back. You are the though I don't non-english and then I really screwed because I'm not even sure I'll get take other schools would I leave willows. Three hearts maybe really screwed. Because you can't spell attorney twelve and a week So anyway with the tax and we're just the latter hard to BOJ's we're really laughing so innocent love. It's the best the has been. Let me ask you this. Ben Know Ben no the stories you tell the parent corner stories. It's unclear because I worry about with this. Like yeah this car is GonNa pay for a coffin like when our kids rebel and murder. You'll get revenge later. I say I I really screwed sped I also really screwed. Four hearts are not talk to boot later. I've I'm just glad they're back together. They really are doorbell couple. Yeah Bamboo I hope they make it So this week for Thursday night football I hi The Thursday felt hollowing fell on Thursday. which Thursday night football I went Wednesday at the grove dressed as Michael Strahan's teeth and so we ended in being robbed a big gap and in the front and I ran around and terrified people at the growth and as Michael Strahan steep say saying stupid things like I have ten jobs and you know back to you earn Andrew I did? I was just stupid things and people know what was going on and Then we throw back to the Michael Strahan and he's GonNa get mad. It's something my cousin. Jimmy taught me. Just get everyone on in studio a furious at you and good things happen so we do this and at the end of the thing I have to give a pick so I take the mask off and I go to my kids my eleven year old and my five year old and one of them's dressed as a forty thirty nine or a prospector and the others dressed as an angry bird. And I'm going to say so. I say final score. Forty niners twenty seven and I Pour twenty-seven Candy Candy Corns into his. Pumpkin is plastic pumpkin and then for the five year old and Sarah an Arizona. Three PLOP PLOP PLOP and then he kicked me and then he yells back to you. Michael so that's the angry bird kicks me and that's that so now we're all home Thursday and we're GonNa Watch it all right guys. It's coming on here we go. It's on TV EH. We're going to watch and like thirty seconds. They reluctantly put their ipads down there onto. It should be a bigger deal when three fifths of the family is on TV. Right take a primetime thing okay. It wasn't at my house and even my wife was like all right. Let's if they want to watch it otherwise they can watch it live. No let's watch it now. It's on now the ones watching now. Now it's not being so jaded so they put it down they watch. They know how it's going to end with me. Giving the eleven year old twenty seven and the five year old three and I and at the point where I poured into the eleven year olds bucket twenty-seven he turns to the kid the five year olds and now the five year old jumps upset his throat and the eleven year old. Got His fingers in the five year olds. I I don't even I can't even see the end of the bit like I couldn't even hear what stray and said in response. It's the bit because they're screaming at each other and fighting and to make things about matters worse my friend Harry is. There's three hundred pounds. He's trying to get in between them. They're falling on him. They're falling all over the couch so I don't know what the moral of the story is but I just don't put your kids in bits or don't talk to your kids. I think that's immoral store. The moral of the story is is the blood feud in your house between your two sons. It's unbelievable he this recurring theme apparent corner. This is a nice thing. They're on television. How often does this is apple going to their friends? I don't think a lot. They couldn't even watch for forty seconds. I remember Bret Hart knowing heart had a whole thing where they turned on each other for like. That's that's right six months. Yeah M my brand no and were intensely watching. The game is a most intensive watch the football game all year to make sure their team one and of course forty niners that she's dopes My parents corner. It's it's you know my son went as Jack. Nicholson ghosts in from the shining for Halloween. I did not know that okay. He made my wife taken to a store where he could buy like a it kind of the overcoat. That looked like Jack Nicholson's overcoat He did his hair like Jack. Nicholson he bought an axe which I mentioned on a previous parent corner that he had bought on Amazon enacts with foam handle which he was running around plunging into people's chests and they were legitimately terrified till they realized this movie with with him. It was at this year We've watched it we. He was watching it when he was like five. I'm not a good not a great father. Yes so he went as Jack. Nicholson probably need the limp. The whole thing and that leads into his birthday which is next day so he'd thirteen kids over. Oh I left out the part Halloween. We ran out of Halloween candy because we had so many people in my neighborhood really that it was. I think the first year we and my wife always buys like an Insane Amount Mattie candy and we actually ran out. We bought my son's Halloween candy from him. He he had him and his friend. Ben Williams They had this big garbage because they had been going on for five hours and we negotiated and we actually bought all their candy and they were all fired up about it. So that's the the going rate if I'm out. I think it was eighty dollars. Yeah yeah so they they split that so that was the worst so so then the next I mean it was really a good deal for both sides it would've caught we'd gone to CBS. That'd been huge pain in the ASS. Then charge them for his costume. That you made your wife go Out Yet. I should've I didn't think of that shoe here. So then Friday is his birthday because he was born on November first after Halloween and we we had thirteen kids here and my wife. Did you know he could rent like these big kind of blow up big screens that are attached to an apple. It's basically like your own drive in consider all right. Yes I have seen those yet so sets up the backyard and good. Boys is out on Amazon. My son's favorite movie Von that me seen it like eleven times and he got off his other friends. They're all watching. It's completely inappropriate. I can't defend it. So she sets it up for some reason can't control the volume so it's blaring when I saved blaring like it it's blaring. You could hear it on the like parents who are parking on our street. Eight Wade is far in the front here. It and this is a movie where it starts out where they're talking about like a hand job jerk off and just blaring enthrone neighborhood for two solid hours as my wife is like. I can't figure this out Dayrit doing all the volume and And we just blasted good boys to our entire neighbor. Oh that's great and It was it wasn't great at one point. Ben Is like you know what I could turn the volume lower. It's GonNa cost you seven hundred and fifty. Yeah well you know what. I don't have have any great for this week but I did post a video of this happened last Sunday but I I didn't even know the video exists. My mother shot at of my son. I'm running all the way down the field and slide tackling and taking taking a kid out and it was as red as a red card can go. I mean he ran. The length of the field saw took them outright. Ray John Goal and it has like five hundred thousand. I call them a Dick on twitter. Maybe I shouldn't have done APP as a half a million views on on twitter and and I was getting a lot of feedback mostly negative but from you. You gave me some by one. A few that gave me positive like that's good. Those are good instincts. That's terrible but those are a good instincts right now. I liked that. He has a nasty side because I think with boys soccer. You have to have that side or you're not gonNA make it so with boy said not not as necessary in girls but boys in the boy. Yeah because the boys are nasty we watch them when my daughter has the Games and there will be La boys game on a field storm. We watched him and his kids are like trying to kill each other. Really really yeah. It's interesting it because this is now. This is week eight or nine. They haven't not only having one since week. One Evans scored a goal as a team since week. One so so it's all about. This is what it is. It's all about a five year olds running after and just taking guys out because they know they can't score. aww Fun well I I have a good parent corner. That will that will Take the one you had pushed up level because involves my kid playing sports. My son Ben Football Playoffs. I game is against a team that they had beaten the week. Before by like three touchdowns. My son is in sixth grade. But he's the plan the seventh grade team Nice with four of his friends and then some seventh graders in its. They weren't going to win the whole league but they had a chance to make the finals. Potentially essentially there are twenty two to nothing in the first half and it seems like it's an I'm not there. Thank God 'cause I I honestly honestly would have lost my mind. An adenoid happen On the sidelines. It's decided that they're gonNA ease up a little bit so it's not a blowout because this is you know this is a classic thing that happens out here in La. It's a little softer at here. Let's be honest like a tiny bit. Softer the WANNA run up the score my whole feeling. It's a playoff game. He can't fuck around three scores. Is that a big enough weed when you're talking about twelve year olds My son five days earlier. Was this dress like Jack. Nicholson from the shining limping around with a fake axe. I mean these are not brain surgeons. So we's up and the other team starts starts coming back and because we had a younger team it just kind of falls apart so all the sudden it is I think I think we're up. Twenty four twenty two. We have the ball and the other sidelines going crazy. We have a chance to put the game away. We got screwed by a couple of calls. And at some point There's some car some flag or flag guarding penalty or something and one of the kids that are team goes. That's fucking bullshit Again you take one gas. Who who got the ten yard penalty for that Wasn't your son Ben. Well it's even worse because they thought it was somebody else on the team and they gave him the penalty and the kid that they gave the penalty to is somebody who had never swear unlike my degenerate son who was so mad that they were losing this game that he just lost it and swearing and then Tenure penalty go backwards. It ends up missing the drive so now he's like hangs up bad not fifteen ten which one ten yard penalty tenured swearing penalty football. So now. He's so upset. He feels like he caused the game. But we're still winning and he's upset in the sidelines. Golfing comes down. They get a play in. Its support the clock supposed to run in the games post and for some reason they stopped the clock Give them a chance for like a hail. Mary throw which of course they complete eighteen Liz's and we get knocked out of the playoffs in round one for having a twenty four point finally. Yeah or twenty point lead. Whatever was? That's not good. And then my son is convinced that because he swore during the game and they they didn't put the game away the last drive that is as well listen and then you probably said no no no. It's not your fault. Let them take one of these every now and then let them say yeah ban. Yeah you should have done anything we did say you know. This is what happens. This is we tell you not to swear and then you actually swear and you get a ten yard in a playoff game right so I think there's some fuck off mark. We discussed like pushing our favorite teams on our kids kids and you know he like me is not from the city of the team that he roots forward. You would never born in Cleveland. You were like a kid and you like Brian Sipe and everything. Everything and I was a cowboys fan. I like anyway and we have forced our children to watch these teams in some some that makes sense to a lot of people. Maybe it's too harsh but where where does it end so I played football in high school and I wrestled in high school and I wanted my kids to play football a great team sport. I love the smell of the grass. Everything about it. It's awesome if we can get get past his mother to agree. Let's do it so he played football. You had a great time. I also wrestle and I never told him I thought he should wrestle but he convinced the kid on the football team to go out for the wrestling team and now he's finding out it's hell and it really is you. Did you wrestle like it really is. It's it's the toughest practice you have to be in shape you your wrestling around with sick people all year long you know. I remember playing basketball in high school and college and Wrestler's running the stairs. That's like sweat shirts and the heaviest possible closed. And they just looked like they were in the seven. So yeah you're sucking weight and yeah three and a half months long and it's nothing seems fun about it at all. Yeah I actually think it's stunted my growth trying to lose weight I'll blame losing like fifteen pounds for like four weeks in a year on that but but and now he's doing it and I feel like to be like me and I feel bad because I never had this talk with him. He's like boy. I'm I'm getting my ass kicked checked and I was like yeah. That's what's going to happen the whole first year. You don't have any skills you don't know any move you're going to get beat up and he's like well. I think I'm just going to do this for one year. Now I feel awful Mike Right. You're you're never had a chance to get good if you only do it for one year but I would hate for you to do it for more than one year. Because it's it's it's the toughest work at it. You get like you get disciplined that like the army ca teach you stop and you can handle yourself in a fight for the most part if if it ends up on the ground but you also end up with Empha- TAGO and other terrible diseases ages when some poor school doesn't want their Matt's down and you have like a big red marks on your on your neck for all February so I don't know what do I I don't know how honest we need to be with our kids for like. Do you have to have a checklist of art. Here's all the things I've done. Here's all things I've known for. Here's what I want to avoid like. I wonder for at that stage. If that's a good way to go about it but I feel bad that I've now done this to this kit. That's all. Does he like it though he likes it. But it's also part of the curriculum. So you're either taking football or you're taking wrestling either doing football workout in the off season we were you get credit or you get wrestling credit. You have to do some kind of sport. Yeah that's what it is. Now you'll get credit for that. And he's he's I think he feels like he's going to disappoint. See to be wrestling. Being in gymnastics are very similar in this respect. If you talk to people who are grown adults who did it when they're in high school or college we'd be like would you do it again if you had attic. Oh God no I would never do it. Yeah and I think that's important for kids to now. It's so good on so many levels but I just like I just feel bad. I don't know as I said earlier watched myles Garrett Helmet swing thing live waiting for the contender fucked over. The basketball one is if you wanted to throw the fifth pack doc and my son just happened to come down. The Sun is the best time of all time comes out of the middle left in the game. And he's watching it and the fight happens and they show Garrett Swinging the helmet and Joe Buck is reacting like this. Is You know like a boat is sinking in the Hudson River. Suddenly he's so the gravest tones and Troy Aikman's just appalled Paldon. And it's just this appalling moment and my son is laughing and he thinks this is like he's like who's this guy did this. I love this Guy Myles Garrett Keith. He immediately thinks that's like professional wrestling right. So then he's asking. How can I get a Mouse Care Jersey? Would it be weird if I were to school. My two who favorite players are byles Garrett of his perfect he has watched bird-flu Youtube and now wants to go as myles Garrett for the next Halloween he wants to wear Browns Jersey and Kerry ran a steelers helmet. And just go around our neighborhood asthma's Garrett he loved this he thought it was hilarious on a on a tour of talk shows. This would be a very original take really coming in bringing in as well fifty days to maybe forget it before the next. So Mas Gary of one one fan out there all right well Thanksgiving coming up and you know I have a five five year old and you know at school brown Thanksgiving they they do it up. They'll make like paper plates with With fall leaves on them or paper plates who could turn into like like a Pumpkin pie or something and then they do like a controversial. Like feather thing to commemorate the first thanksgiving. That's that's no now Hogan's a native American cells schools do it some don't and he also made an apron with his picture on it and his name underneath and he gets his thing and he takes it home and his name is Harrison. But it's written out and we don't know if this is a helper kindergarten helper or teacher but it's H. H. A. R. R. I S.. The end has got they ended. Make it then make the plate of his too small to narrow to fit the end so it says Harris Oh and then me and the wife and two brothers just start laughing and calling him Harris Oh and he attacks us all he goes crazy. He's like you know the guy who hasn't been tagged in for fifteen fifteen minutes like finally stomping his foot and finally gets tagged in he comes out all of us like a house of fire like throwing haymakers because we're calling them Harris Oh deployment the point where my wife is just like cut it out. Stop it right now and I was like I cannot stop it. I WANNA call Harris for the next at least six years. It was like no. You need to grow up here and so I grew up for the rest of the evening but The remainder of the week I snuck a Harris in there at least once a night. And she's like he's he's going to go to therapy. I mean he just attack us I just I love it but this this is abuse right so good. It's he resides so much by side because my son we did the same thing that the attack in without being tagged read aren't just just sweeping haymakers and those five year old haymaker punch is really hurt like they land either inside inside growing balls right. Hit all things that don't normally get punched. Yeah and they don't feel good does not feel great right. I'm I'm like hey maybe not GonNa let you watch Eleven hours of raw and smackdown. Whatever may view was denied survivor series? Take it easy I I was GONNA do my Yesterday bannon I played like five hours of so mad and two thousand twenty. This is not a plug bad in two thousand twenty S. This game called knockout. That ben loves that superstar knockout And we played for like five straight hours. It's R- it's really fun. So they're quick. It Games are like ten minute games. Ben's doing defense. I'm doing offense. And he's shutting people down and then on offense and then I'll throw a pick the lose the thing and he's just a salty me and Brady be was swears at one point. Zoe comes in is Ben. You can't talk to dad like that McKee's fine. He's fine. Let the boy. Yeah get the Fuck Outta here. So I D- and and Ben's like we should livestream this and and I'm like no we absolutely should livestream this. They'll be the worst idea ever. You're swearing a bay He's just he's told the story of a million Elian People's those kind of the same thing. He hates losing which way hates losing. which makes it such a shame that he doesn't have like a favorite like football team right? 'cause you know like the cowboys situation tripping you take like the intensity psychotic nature of how handles these losses. And if it had been unlike the tripping call like he would punch Donald trump junior right right right so had that experience and then Zoe's boyfriend was over his huge broncos fanny watched football ball with us And he's got a fantasy team. Nice Mellow Kid. He's watching the broncos. We have them one of the. TV's for while they're just getting demolished. I he's okay with it he's like I thought we could lose. I'm just thinking like man which is funny how this stuff works out like this is? This is the son I thought I would the had and instead add the son. WHO's assaulting me as we share? This batted stupid super knockout game and is calling me a Dick Jerk. I I can't believe you blew. It is throwing the controller She was never now. Be Calling you a dick in no time. Just wait it out. It's fine I I want him him to get to know Harrison so he can call him Harris. Oh and then they can just fight each other. That'll be that'll be it. They'll fight got so we're on a it's Thanksgiving I got my parents are there. They're not speaking to each other as a whole crazy dynamics you know might thanksgiving and my parents are there My friend our friend Don Barris there he warms up. Jimmy Kimmel live his girlfriend My friend can Harry's Harry's tens Butler we we. We have a lot of misfits with a lot of family. Then we have my immediate family there so the kids run around Archie. My oldest is watching football with us. My youngest youngest is watching football with us. My Middle Kid Jack It's going to be twelve years old in February. He doesn't really want anything to do with us so he goes up on his IPAD and gives. That's exactly as much time as we have for dinner that that's how much we're going to see him so because he knows he has to be at the table and when we go around the table. Say What we're thankful for. He barely gets OUTTA. I'm thankful for my parents and my family my friends. Oh that hurts them even say that and then he eats and he's like go up. Can I go plan my ipad again. Like yeah fine whatever just just do we don't want you throwing a fit. That's fine go play on your IPAD APPS so we eat. We eat dessert and then with Karaoke being My wife has friends over. Burn some some more friends combined. We're doing karaoke to like eleven thirty at night. And we haven't seen Jack and hours and Jack comes down. Grabs the Mike Pull Pau puts in a song. AC DC's TNT knocks it out of the park. I didn't even know he knew this song. And he's he's not even using. He's playing to the crowd he's not even using the The words on the screen he's doing TNT and then if that wasn't isn't enough he fouls it up with what's what's the NWEA song there California love what shallow -Fornia I love. It is going crazy. And he's talking like he really feels the lyrics. Yeah you know he's talking talking about We in that sunshine state with a bomb ass hamby and a diamond shine looking like I robbed liberace and he knows it. In the good old city city of watts huge really looking at us and fill in the music and then he's done. Then he drops the mic like Chapelle and walks off. And that's it we didn't see and the rest of the night so there you go coamerica jackass. He's twelve in February at tastic. So My son who turned twelve Earlier this month he. He's just bannered Dick Lately. He's just how much of a Dixie so bad so bad I I hate him he's Dick and And invite can get away with it with my wife because as you know the the mother son Blonde is just unbreakable right and there could be ninety two straight offenses and then three minutes of hugging. Are It just just affection for the MOM and Ause Raton. If our judicial system worked like motherhood was sons everyone would just get out of prison immediately so we we've come. I think so. He came up with this term but when ban is like just being addict we call benched rating that is offensive rated so there's been a lot of benched rating lately and And on Thursday night he was just such a deck and just the whole day and he was just a huge pain in the ass and then at the end of the night my wife was mad at me. And she's like I'm like what are you mad at me. What did I do? She's like you know he just. He acts like a deck. And then you know you don't you don't step in and then I have to be the bad guy and and now I'm getting bland so I go talk to Ben. I'm like look you gotTA stop being addicted. Your mom like this. Is Your mom be nice. I know we're in the family. Were together are there all the time all that but this is your mom you you you have to listen to her. You can't like snappier. And Yeah She's the one that's always on your side. Yeah and you're a nice kid like you don't get to it. Just be a deck and then think like. It's funny so I talked to him. I go downstairs come back up. And he's just lying on the bed with their cuddling and she's totally forgotten the whole thing and it's a I just the whole thing it's like thirty seconds of him just pouring it on and and that's it she's back in the palm of his hand. I don't understand it. Well he he understands it. He's figured it out right. So he's ferret out he. I'll tell you he hasn't figured out With Kyle they'll really yeah. Kyle's going to throw him through the Sofa at some realist too. Yeah he's so anyway I don't know what the rules are. First Salting your kids but I'm gonNA Google them after we finish the podcast Google. It's good I think you're GonNa like what you find all right. This is not going to make me look too good but none of them do so. It doesn't really matter so My son is wrestling. He's a ninth grader. Every week or so he has like a novice tournament somewhere or different this week. It was in Santa Monica. Now here's the thing. There's no buses for the freshman and sophomore so they have to get to the wherever it is on their own so will luckily My wife has to drop them off at the school. He's car pooling At six fifteen in the morning and he gets the Santa Monica he weighs in. He's been wrestling for like three weeks. He doesn't have many skills other than what I've taught him and then threw a few practices and he's heavy. He's like six foot one. He's one hundred and fifty three hundred fifty five pounds and so he's wrestling all sophomores. Pretty much so it. It's it's been a rough road and he gets there and the way the way classes out here. You don't get like it. You know the word Niagara was one thirty two thirty eight one forty five and I think it's like that here too to get varsity but here when you get to the tournament they take all the kids in a pool and they bracket get him off like every fifteen pounds so he was in the one fifty to one sixty six way class. He's one fifty three because he over eight on Thanksgiving so now he's wrestling older kids. Bigger kids more skilled kids thirteen pounds so I was like all right. Call me when they call the one twenty pounders and I drive over to Santa to Monica so he i I said text me. Text me I get there. And he's about to wrestle and gets flattened in the second pair like the kid obviously had good morning like center of gravity was closer to one seven nine and one fifty. It wasn't even close so he comes up he's like I think that's it was like Oh shit you're quitting when he says no no. No I think that's it was double limitation already lost earlier. I was like what are you talking about. You just called me as what you wrestle. Ten minutes ago Yeah Wrestle like twenty five minutes ago with A. WWe Don't they give you what is does is dumb. He's like is like so what happens. Now there's no bus he's like well. I should stick around so yeah I think you should stick around. Wash the rest of your kid th the tournament so I call my wife my hey no reason to come out here. It looks like archie done for the day. And she's like Oh. I wanted pizza in Santa Monica onic. Joe's pizza you've been there right. Yeah one of the best. It's great and I was like all right. I don't care I'm out here if you WANNA make the drive that's fine We watch a few more matches. The tournament ends ends. We go to Joe's pizza He's down in the dumps. We order apply half pepperoni cheese. It's great and I I have One slice about my second slice and A homeless man and the homelessness is crazy and Santa Monica. He walks in and asks. Can I have a slice of pizza. And there's three slices left. It's one pepperoni two regular and My son Archie is like Oh yeah of course and hands him the Pepperoni and my well alot. I want the Pepperoni and now we have a curb your enthusiasm where everybody not only my family but everyone in the place is looking at me. It was like I want. I want the PEPPERONI. I don't mind bartering with a slice but just analyze. The homeless guy was looking at me. Like come on dude you from getting me. I don't even know that. He he likes pepperoni. It was just offered the right. If he didn't make say that he preferred Pepperoni. Why are we offering the Pepperoni but archie gives gives be everybody gives me the look? I'm beat now and He walks off with Pepperoni and my father. I'm very I'm very Charitable giving Tuesday. I'd you know I'd get a ton but and I could have just bought another slice for another two hundred two dollars and fifty cents. But was I wrong to want the pepperoni in that. On instance e yeah. I mean that's definitely you should ask everyone at the table. If they want the PEPPERONI. Thank you Obama's yeah right okay okay so it sounds like it was a really fun car ride home after it was really. My father is a lunatic taken pepperoni from the homeless homeless guy. I'm worried about homeless people's clogged arteries I e cheeses. You'd better so I was on the phone the other day right and In my wife and my daughter were downstairs in the kitchen and my son came down the stairs. He was crying so we thought he was is crying holding the back of his head. And we're like Oh my God like he fell off the bunk bed or he fell doing arrest move or he jumped off the off the dresser. Yes sir and onto his wrestling like all the other usual things you do to get hurt now. He he hadn't gotten a haircut in a long time In his hair is like Kyle. It's it's his hair was crazy yet was getting unruly. It was it was just. I can't even describe how long was and add a controller was and and you can get away with this in California and he decided he was getting a mullet in the back so he took. He took the scissors. Like you would use to you know to to cut paper something And he tries to cut the mullet in the what he thought was like a melody in the back and then he didn't do it even and then he went to the right it and then all of a sudden he had basically gut now looks like now he looks like Mo- from the three stooges in the back and and he's crying a bit rude by hair and we're like been you serious like how free convener ruined by hair super upset and and His inconsolable. So that carries like I'll fix it fix it and they go upstairs they come back down and she's she comes down. I and gives us the Look Means Zoe. The look like whatever you do. Don't start laughing like that. That looks like okay. So he comes down and we're like Oh looks good it looks good it looks terrible. It looks looks like he has. He's a twelve year old with a toupee so so about ten minutes eight. I just can't take AK start making fun of him. He gets super upset. He runs upstairs so then the next next two days he goes to school where a ski cap so his whole back head but the ski caps pulled down. So you can't see that like his toupee shelf back of his head so then carry takes him to somebody. Somebody close to us like somebody close to our house to just get a psychologist. uh-huh probably should've had a salon. That's like in our neighborhood just to quickly like fix it up so it looks better. She's not I'm GonNa fix them fix them. I am so all right. Great well I think I think just cut it. He's had crew cuts before he's had. He's you know. Tight cuts whatever. Just kinda start over. She's a no no she can fix it so he comes back. And now it's like a bowl haircut And I I'm dying up caught a Dorothy Hamill member. Dorothy Hamill's haircut cat from the nineteen seventy six and we're gonNA hurt his feelings because he has no idea 'cause now qazis actually a good ball buster so now he's making fun of himself and and it just wearing a cap every day and we're call him dorothy and Connor Cagney and lacey all these different things. He doesn't even get the jokes. I'll make I self laugh and And so he has that going for a couple days and then finally kyle steps in and takes him to Fernando. The barber cows is Barbara and and Ben and actually ends up this Saturday yesterday with a with eight pretty cool haircut I yeah it was. It was a four day odyssey but the port listed here is at. Don't cut your own hair right. Yeah for those scoring tears Girl for girl for sure for boy. Yeah it's it's bad in his defense. The back of his hair was completely mangled it actually look like a hate. Crime had been committed like somebody had jumped on him on the sidewalk and covered activists hands so anyway. So there he doesn't. He's got a Mohawk before. All right. That's the thing he's had a Mohawk at crew cuts. He's at all this stuff but he's just he's lost his mind south. You're on the clock. Yeah I can hold on. We're not going to be able to hear. But is there speakerphone really. Yeah there's got what's going on. We're Kinda slave driver right. I mean it is. We're having Christmas Eve right now. Wherever I mean what kind of would i? How many how much the people need to hear we're done? WE'RE ABOUT TO DO PARENT QUARTER DIVA pair corner. Yeah have a parent corner I. It's here's the parent. Corners Sal L. is nowhere near his children on Christmas Eve parent corners empty. There's no parent in the parents have apparent coordinator for you though all right let's hear it. Okay so you know the Elf on the shelf is a big thing in our house. Yeah and like a big thing like it consumes uh-huh uh-huh because we forget it then we have to lie the whole next day so we try to remember it and most of the time we do but my daughter chain who's five years old old says where does the go at night and my wife Molly says well the Gulf coast to the North Pole to hell Santa. What he saw in Jane says is will? How does he get all the way back here the morning? And Molly says well magic I guess and jade says am I supposed to believe all of this. He's five bucks. That's fantastic the smart kid kindergarten. Don't we'll watch out. She'll be lurking on the stairwell when you're putting the the presence on their China see what's going on right now. Yeah Als- children are opening their gifts and Is that really true. Yeah Oh we gotta finish then. Yes that's why I came up because people because our tears downstairs. Where's daddy and I and everyone's saying well daddy's doing a podcast and every risk? What's a podcast as well as you know you'll know when you're a little bit older hit a podcast is but Right now daddy's doing it and it might as well be heroin. You might as well say daddy's doing heroin. Role is rolling grew. Oh Jesus Advisory Corollas totally sober and bonding with his children. Right now no way. Meanwhile sal is you should see where sal is right now. He might as well be sitting in my bathroom. I don't believe the Corolla thing for a second part of that rule with crew all of that or nor do I believe the Alpha the chef it. Well I'm glad I'm excited. I got a chance to be part of parent quarter. That's really White House. Great thanks for coming on Jimmy. Okay I'M GONNA wind the wind down all right. I'm not going to top that parent corner so you WanNa borrow that for your parents. All right I mean yeah yours is say hi to the family. Merry Christmas happy Hannukah all that stuff and And we'll talk to you before Ron One. Okay good good all right right well I might as well go right to Christmas morning. got a fourteen year old very appreciative. Everything and the other two kind of Bratty twelve year old and six year old tomorrow. five-year-old turn six and they open like fifteen presence each. We're very blessed. Everyone they get. We have a lot of cousins dozens and everything so the gifts are coming in all safe from Santa on it. You know Santa this anthem that everyone believes not not the fourteen year old but the twelve year old still believes and the now six year old for sure believes and all we need is a picture of them by the tree after everything and after they open these gifts. I'm like all right. Let's get a picture and they're like oh two young ones like dad enough already. Just get out of our faces and I was like you sons a bitches you I can't even count on how much money and how much wrapping and everything else goes on and I was like. Hey We got you all these gifts at least you can do is take a picture and the twelve year old is like you'd you didn't get him for us. Senate did like that's it. I'm doing a blown off twelve years old. You can't you can't do I'm not I'm not I'm not. I have to tell him. First of all this kid had access to porn. He seemed porn online and he believes in that and Santa. I don't think there's an overlap lap. I don't think you can believe in both I really don't I don't think there should be one. Day is pornography by accident and believe also and Santa and I was ready and and she was holding me back. My wife like mic was holding rocky back when the statue was unveiled and he was going after clubber Lang outside there. And I really I was is GonNa blow the whole thing but i. I showed some restraint and I held back. And we got the picture. And it's a shitty picture and Shitty kids. They happy holidays. Today's you didn't get us anything. What is saying that it is funny to have the holidays where you have a lot more time with your family family? Yeah and then you need a holiday from the holiday right Last we went back. The Simmons family. My Dad's family. Mid Ad has six brothers and sisters. Yeah they celebrate Christmas every year. Because you know their parents are dead and they've just the very close Irish family So Oh last year we actually went back surprised. My Dad and we crashed the Yankee Christmas swap. We brought gifts and they ended up. They had some extra again so we are all in it and it goes around and Ben a year ago. Gets this gift that includes these scratch cards. And he's oxide. Walk cited by scratch cards so go through the whole order and then after as you know the Yankees Swab then it goes then you countdown in reverse and if you don't like your gaffey can swipe it as it goes from elephant. You're calling Yankees or whatever we call Yankee. Swap is often so it's going backwards and three to one. He's holding his scratch cards like he's just about to do it and with like five spots to go my cousin. Lauren Sir Terry. She goes over and swaps gifts with Ben Head. It takes the scratch cards which I'm ethically was pretty dubious. I felt like I think like eight over maybe under age. Thirteen eighteen you you kinda. Don't take the kids gift. Would it would have been myra takes again. How bad has no scratch cards in Ben's devastated by pretending his not but more more importantly knowing Him and knowing that he can fly of the handle? I'm not worried he's GonNa have like fly off the handle and start to start are being like the offense occurred at our Friday takes and just go nuts. He reigns it in then on the way home. It's like never never go to Yankees up again. Socks talks bullshit. He's just furious so we call them down so then he's talked about it for the whole year. About how wants to go back to Yankee swap and take Lawrence Gif with towels. She's like in her mid thirties. Curb your cousin it's my cousin. Yeah She's in her early thirties. So for a year he's like it it's vacillated between I'm never going back back. No I hate the Simmons family too. I WANNA go back. I'M GONNA take learns gift right because he's a maniac so then we use wise ordering knives on his. Yeah he tried to bring those on the plane So we didn't we're GONNA go back and then last minute we decided we'd go back. So we go back but the catches cousin Lauren. She's not a Yankee swap. Sue Now ben. Ben Can't get revenge. Right Yankee. Swap happens Lawrence. Brother ends up getting scratch cards Ben on the way back takes the scratch cards from Lawrence brother against the revenge and is acting like it's this is the eighty six red sox going back into Shea and take the world series. Gets the scratch cards back back and is now like riding I ever since because he is a lunatic. That's great so yeah the Little Nice Holiday Family Story Story for you and I'm going to go under two dollars and fifty cents WanNa know scratch when two dollars out of like fifty dollars scratcher. Good Call Yeah there you go yeah got out. It's a couple of heartwarming holiday stories. That's if opinion corner two thousand eighteen. We have one more BS. podcast coming coming this week. Don't forget about CARMAX DOT com fifty thousand carmax vehicles. Nationwide all available stop by your local carmax for details and discover how easy buying a car at Carmax can really be the forget about the rewatch. ables Quentin Tarantino as well dunkirk. That is up now and book. A basketball comes back next week. As was the second episode. The rewatch was and all the other awesome podcast. We have on the ringer. PODCAST worked. Plus don't forget about the ones that we put up this week. Some nuance leads. Were so has one big picture whole bunch of ones so check all that out and we will see here on Thursday. I see

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