Help My Neighbour's Got A Big Package
Can I just ask? Yeah. What did you do last night? Who you with? You and Ben had a nine ounce. It was my invitation at it was a gig. In Camden, that you probably wouldn't be fun to come to. Anyway, should just start the episode. Welcome along to help. I six did my boss helpful advice for the daily struggles upload life. Well, that was the plan until Jordan turned up. Much to Williams displeasure Jordan has no filter and some of you may find what follows attached offensive. If you think you can't handle it press you pause button now. Hello and welcome to help us Sexton. My boss the podcast where we help. You navigate the challenges of modern life answering your twenty percents she questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like when he's the perfect time for a shower in the morning. I'd stay on these Tony Allen a train an okay thing to do out. Of course. Of course. What should you do if you've accidentally sex that your boss, but when not your usual, so we William Hudson? No, we're not Jordan north. I'm more finishing school. Whereas you just didn't finish school, right? Okay. I did actually finish them. I did. Yes. It's not funny. If I say okay, fair enough. Welcome back with we are two fingers three fingers deep into the new sale three episodes deep into the new series. So good. We have agreement that we try not to be created this episode. No, we actually think that we just need to I need to rain yet. We we have a sex in my boss me in allergist. I think we've had our annual review. Yeah. A just think that Anita Raina in abuse things. Yes. I'm not supposed to being honest, scientists west bit crude in moderation juicer. Ben, let's face it. He's talking so late. Could use spend so late Duckie's imbed. So I've been getting away with murder towards the past of episode thousand. She's very a very very good producible. Yeah. Which is need to rein innovate and Trevor Giovanni hang on. Why you now Benz number one time club is this after last night. Oh, yes. So jealous. This is. This is the beginning of the end. Let me tell you going off doing your own thing porridge in and the banana lately when the real talent behind. Asmi glass, then and I myself in bed when to a gig last night in Camden, and I feel I don't know availab- it they all could benefit that's kind of one nice down this as being funny with me today. It was a good last. I'd say first of all attacked him on a post money Instagram and every twenty minutes as anyone sitting TDM's yet, man. On his show, pens, go friend who is a delight. Delight is is anyone set him fit yet, man. Oh, let me try and his new shortage classes. Well, oh, the glasses, by the way. There's no prescription classes every time. I see him. I have to give him a Lennon's wipe. I watched him in the lift on the way out. He goes onto any one of my goals. So Jesse and then he fingered the lens. Well. You don't need to be Poirot to workout. Why getting to see so last night? Yeah. It was it was an Ben just to ruin the night. He had had about full pines. And he was pissed dang blame him after four of them. Fall pie. I've never had in my life. But I'd imagine after four we have six. I Beverly I had a few before we met because I got off to me show, full pints, bent, come the tube. And he was a joke, and you know, what he was doing on the tube. And a hate when offense do this. I detect imprint on you've got many now, I detest it. What anyone those days it was on the tube choir? Let's top device packed to be. When radio one's Jordan enough, everybody. We should have been easier to being on Brandon said, it's sex my boss, Jordan, north available night, June Spotify Acosta and all good podcast platforms. Correct. But over the not we we had literally night. Sorry. Can you couldn't commit was just and an annuity depreciate? And how was your Sunday evening? What did you do did the Onnaing? Did you ought to be? Because as always such a good wife watch. Episode nine of Jesper housewives series six guard and went to bed. Early. That was great. Yeah. Yeah. How's mikey? Yep. Are you going to be asked you with me for the rest of the episode? No, no, no, no, no. I'm over it could be such considering you're an etiquette expert, and the Pittsburgh can't sold about inclusion something that really you need to lend a bit more about. Oh my God. He's actually this is a good question. Yeah. Like me I've got loads offense. What should you do? If you've only got one ticket for gate, the a few friends what go to I didn't want to carry. It's up more than she told me through your evening. When did you meet, Ben? Just stuff to five in what time did they start? Nine o'clock between five and nine. What we doing having dinner having a meal having during the drinks. Yeah. So where was my invitation to that bitch gone? Did you only have one cease at the restaurant within God's restaurants? Pope me, and Ben where our on a night out get over. It was the etiquette inviting friends that's a good question. I think well, you try, and then you go I've only got one tickets experts, and it's going to come. Let's go sedation. Jari win you next free. You get that Jason the diary. So at least that ain't feel after all, right? How about if you've like? You want to go out with you mates? But there's always out may the bit that you don't really wanna come. 'cause they're seven nine that. When you've got it. I said show, I get it. What do you do that? Is he blew to not invite somebody even if they're going to win unite? Well, why are you friends with them? Well, because everyone's gotta made this, you know, like Johnny was end the patient flowing through such this age could Janice. I don't know. I don't know. But. She always believes in book as and stuff. He's on street. Anyway, let's be buddies as listening now knows Genesis piss on the street. I'm alright ramrod, gene. Davis. I think you move in very different circles to me so Mikey's Goja. Yes. Oh, good. And I'm really going to get over being shot last night. Happy news. Yeah. We've got a birthday to celebrate. It's our birthday, Jordan who's the podcast shorts. It's our four hundred twelfth birthday. Oh, how long we've been doing this now one first birthday Chile Paducah chance. Oh, what do you mean? To sing my friend Jonathan's birthday song. Happy birthday. Yes. Go free. Wish you many happy returns of the day. We hope you will be healthy and strong all the way quick to do. Right. Slow to do wrong and thoughtful to others all the day long. Specialism is how push people got it's how it's how they sung Asian often. Which is where he grew up is the Queen in that sings happy birthday. No. Because we just do it. We wish you a happy birthday, we want you. Happy birthday. We wish you happy birthday at a really good day. Well, who knew there was seventy variants standard. Nick off. This country, right which is very good series. Good. Well, anyways. Korea. Oh, bet you never be NCO SCO, Lydia. What was Nance Chow give you fifty beat the birth to be seeing give you fifty fifty hook. Oh, let's see that says this is this workplace on. I actually feel awful punching and career is the best yoke. Yep. Good will to the beginning, you read when is the perfect time for shower and use it in the mornings you show it. I've shoveled this Mon in in filth. Smell fresh is a day. Oh, no, hang on come back here. Ghetto feature. It's your birthday too. Uh-huh. Fifty of William give me a dead. Then. On that point sloughs time you go without me. That was good fail. It's is going to sniff me. Let's do a happy birthday toast. Yeah. Okay. Day, minneapolis. We didn't think it would sound good as the sound. Are we allowed to say Minneapolis returns? Yes. Old best Bonanno Vasa saying from Lana neighbors say yet, we didn't clink I'm not tempted to clink ones. Dying inside. So any lessons that we've learned from all first year? That's a great question. I've learned also too many too many things I think I've become a bad person because of this podcast to be fair. You couldn't have gone further down. So the only way was out. I feel like this is a social experiment for you though. You put line in diarrhea and stuff, and I've learned that. I love g Andy yet. I mean, I like it before. But I really like, yeah. I I really liked when you go to balls and things is the first thing, you you look all the bottles out and try and work out diplomat. Yeah. Know Israel's as producer Pat yesterday. Yeah. It was a group a lot bring it up again. So we agree pods at the table. And this is so braised. So this three noises lots Mike when the mates Walkin. So there's I saw four of them. And then about five minutes Navan community. Nevan come in. And they'll win. And then about ten minutes. I two guys come in. And the Owen. Yeah. Then the time this guy comes in on his own. I'm one of them went away. Is just no my friend walks in. And I go whose are whose our whilst the correct way to greet someone they walk in. If there's a crowd of you, go fabulous is the do. Not call me old fashioned good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Happy birthday. You like a Harry Potter demento, you he's the life of everything. Honestly. Couple of questions have got this week. This is the etiquette expert Dr in. Issues lately. Driving with friends first of all Batman numerology. Wa no matter. How old you get no matter what area as shotgun. Always count on. It was shotgun. Why are you comes not permissive? Why why if you honest to God's honest to God, what's his shotgun. Don't say like that shotgun at despair. Right. You drive in say, you're the driver. And this me you Ben a monkey. Yeah. Right. And I shout yoga who will. I just pull over. No before we got in the car. Right. Yeah. That means that I get in the front while I've got plenty from in the Bank. Oh my God. You've never heard of shotgun. Just right, basically Jean Davis. If you're listening if you twenty five fifty eight thousand five hundred and five if you shout shotgun. The first person shout. Shotgun has to go in the front. I've never heard of shark on. No second thing. Backstreet drivers. How do you deal with a box seat driver? Because I am a terrible driver. Oh, you I am an UPS driving test fairly recently in the grand scheme of things because most of us fail seventeen eighteen you passed one. How old were you about things about three or four years? So what you were twenty twenty one. Oh, it'd be K. Oh, okay. I'm sorry known cling on adjust the aid, Betty and honest Doke typically, China one test failed actually still doubt midway through. I have to say I am not I'm not saying with driving. I did actually take five times positive test. I was seven we used to feel so much better about my life. I didn't know you five tired and was three that was three. Hypocrites that we set as a temp dot com. Has kind of name beyond the bloody wheel. Could you drive Kenya? Hauling goal was driving me mad. So yeah, how'd you deal nothing? No nine than about sheet driver and someone. That's my thing. You just need. You just turn the radio off a bit louder or you say, obviously, a good station radio to or something or you just say to them. Thank you. I think I have this. Because usually, let's be honest. And if you're listening, you'll be like, if it's someone you know, he'd like shoot up I'm driving you're in the back. But no down. That's the word. You would. I wouldn't. I had I had the weekend. I was saying my parents, I was driving them home from my aunts and uncles they'd had a few too many glasses of wine, and they would they would take we'd routes through the streets of Bristol through Bristol. I didn't even know existed, and they were knowing and I just kept calm kept my eyes on the road. Mike. He was getting more annoyed than I was. We just need to keep calm. Don't let it get to you. Because at the end of the day you all driving lethal weapon. That's what was told to me in my. Fourth exam. No, I failed. My first driving test for being too polite. I did there's actually a newspaper article with that headline. We'll put it on Instagram days. I so I was in western superman doing tasks, and I got I was literally driving back into the test center. And there was a particular Laurie coming out, and but well, I'd let him go. I know actually he lets he let me go first. Pence lawfully that Joey that you didn't get articulated lorry on spoke welded it. Oh, I see. Oh, I see very funny. So I am. You wing to me. Special moment. So took my hand off the wheel to thank him for letting me onto the junction because I could remove my hand from the wheel the examiner said I was not in control of the vehicle, and so he failed must be the only person to pass the tests would be polite. No, I failed my test failed the test for other than that. I would have passed. No, I'm asking you because I've had car trouble recently. I think if people, you know, this is why I'm asking you. If you moment. Sure Oprah if she fed if it she partners mom or a friend of a friend or your partners Fendi, and he's let's face it. It's always told me don't really know who's bit of garbage. Like, oh, you want to take a lefty apol- ignored satnav tackle left Queen Street. Roundabout second left. You'll be that quick. There's always someone like that. So how would you deal with someone like that someone that you don't really know you giving them a lifetime? If you after you have sort of polite me thank them for their advice, but told him that you've got is then just don't respond to just do it your own way. Okay. Now, it says here Jordan's joke of the week. Oh forgot about this. It was hard getting over my date to the hokey cokey. And find out after the break the punch. That'll that'll keep him. Welcome back. So before Jordan's joke of the week. It was hard getting over my into the hokey cokey, but I've turned myself around, and that's what he's all about. To be honest. You can switch off. Now. I mean, Jordan, you've you've do some pretty good jokes. That was terrible. It's good. I'll you're gonna lie. Okay. No, no, let's say next week because I really want to tell them because forget what you call a Frenchman who encourages people to smoke don't know peer pressure. Now is that what you should own Robin Cook. Was okay. Cokie shit. You right. A live show update before we do the listens questions live show up. We've pretty much nearly sold out. So if you still wanted to come and see us, then there's a few tickets left in London, go on the website when it get some tickets sex and my boss dot com, we promise it'll be a good nice. We had to put it on extra date. We have to plant excited to cancel things. I know we have two things about. So if you wanna come we promise you good laugh, we did a live show just before Christmas. And it was it was great fun. So if you want to conceal I shall tickets on that theory, it's got to sex that my boss dot com, which we promise we will make you laugh. We think yes, I'm going to tell my PI joke wouldn't know never. No never. They've already told you what you call the French money some bills Philippe flop. Yes. Right. Should we get the question? Yes. The best part. We've lived so much in this first part already evidently because lesser it's quite nice handwriting. D- what even Jordan I have just gone into here. Eleven in school. And there is a bunch of girls in my form who are really smart like the type that cry if they get under ninety percent in a test for yes, I had a few of those William was one of them Phoebe. I really wasn't. Anyway, whenever we have a whole form test, for example in maths. They always ask me what I get in it and bearing in mind, I'm okay at maths. I get within the ages and ninety percent because that's amazing. Get is really good better than I did after I tell them what I got. And they will always laugh at my score as if somehow it was an unworthy school. How do I confront them nicely? The time happy with my results and ask them to stop laughing at my school. And that's from Phoebe Phoebe gonna tell you something now school is the toughest time in your life. School can be horrible. There's nothing you will you. You will go into work. You will go to university you'll go to college, and you will meet loads of lovely nice people that will be your friends for life and saying this is someone that's been to school. There's been too many schools school these tough, right? Don't ask these girls. My advice, don't even speak to them. Yeah. And if they ask I think, you could just tell them and don't care, but I guess they're not being very nice to you. We could just lie and tell them you got my eight. Yeah. Because then don't basically don't worry about and don't even worry about how you should come from don't even speak to them. But I promise you Yates and eleven is tough is tough school is tough. You will not go through a harsher time. It's just I don't worry about it. The best thing goes in years to come. When you do wealthy self and you doing all, right? These people that you didn't go on school. Try your best. May they'll China Jim Facebook or trying to have a pioneer when the sadly they care so much about their own results. Because clearly they've got some insecure is and then laughing at you because they're trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. And they're using you as the fodder and to be perfectly honest test results, whether it's just tests in school, you're Jesus seizure A-levels, although they're important at the time, you're doing them as long as you get good grades and you pass them when literally wants you leave university. Nobody ever asks you what your grades? Actually, I can't even remember my grades. Nobody asks me what mcgready was gonna. They think you haven't got. I got I university of Sunland in TV radio producer. Nobody every six me about my who didn't I I I got I first class on his degree. You'll completely negating. What you said to he? No now. Phoebe? Honestly. Yeah. That was really sweet. Well, I think that was good. We did. Well, then. Have a team high five you that was really sweet lie that was. Thank you that was that was a handwritten letter. So we'll get one hundred and response from me. And do course if you want to write to us, whether it's by Email or like Phoebe dude by hand. Then all the information is on the website. Okay. The next question has sent in on Instagram from LA chic person. Hello, hello. William and Jordan. I'm so excited that you're podcasters comeback. The both of you make my day so much more likely. Thank thank you to ensure mission. We're not Spanish when dining amongst friends. If there are four or less of us. We have a new grandma moment. When dining amongst friends. If there are four or fewer of us, do we wait for everyone to get their meals before starting our own. And if they are tenable must we really waste until our food is cold. Also, I really despise saying bhonapha team. It sounds rather Cohen. Thank you. Well, can I'll jump in first of all you go from Baltimore up saying Bon apetit, you didn't say that. You don't say anything you didn't say on a Petit didn't say please start. You don't say enjoy your food tuck in anything like that you take your cue from the host or the hostess. But I like it when you go from say enjoy your meals. Well, okay. You the ways it can say that as a as a group of people in a private household. Okay. Oh, whatever. So you just don't and really if your sitting on the same table as everyone this same actual table. You really should wait for everybody to have their food. If it's ten or fewer, I agree if it's a huge banqueting table, then you just wait for the people around you. But really correctly hosted host and the guest of honor will be so first. And then once they started you may start when your food gets there. It did used to be the educate history alert. It did used to be the advocate that we own going back several hundred years the soon as you'll food if it was hot unless it was code if it were hot, and it goes in front of you you started. But that was when in England the houses were built with the kitchen so far away from the dining room because they will panicked. Will they worried that if a fire happened in the kitchen, it would set the house ablaze why they? Why they kitchen so far away even basin. Thank you. But now modern technology fine prevention at cetera. There will be with inside the main house. So it's fine. So the educators to wait for everybody next question. Dear William, Jordan, and. See is my family has said the time cack-handed as it mealtimes. I use my folk with my right hand with my left. Apparently, this is wrong. I spoke with my boyfriend about this Asia's heat is the same. We both right handed have always done this. He suggested I E mail in as we're both fans of the podcast and could use the help of leading etiquette experts answer this. What is the proper education of using a knife and fork, I'm left handed? Yeah. So how'd you eat? I don't know. I couldn't tell you. But all can which hand gone. Let me get U Penn as if in four key molest. Okay. So that's conventionally we normally remember force of session on the left and the held in the left because the word folk FA wall K has four less wood left Elliott t has four letters. So the on the left knife spoon and the word, right? They will have five letters. And so they are go on the right and a held in the right hand, why we eat with a knife in the right hand or goes back into the fact that that was the hand that we use for carrying our weapons, and our swords and people used to think there was something wrong with you. If you were left handed, we all know now that actually left handed people, they're fully paid up members of society. There's nothing wrong. Actually, they're probably in some cases, more intelligent than others. Yup. Not always the case. But generally, they are they're fine. So if you wish to eat. With your knife in your left hand on your fork in your rights, then you just pick them up. Switch them still think down the knife still finger down the fork, no McDonald's arches, it should be straight fingers and you eat conventionally like so it isn't really much of an issue. But what if he got candid lightly used to say, they should owner that they're just switching which is fine. Yeah. My grandmother was left handed. But literally it was beaten out fish can write with her left hand. Couldn't miss I with her left hand is awful, my great grandma had tell because all my family's left-handed apart from my younger brother because my grandma and grandad you still cuffed him again, really old fashioned. Who'd you think you aren't they the penalties left on putting's right on because people you think you're wrong with that. I am great Granddad. His hands were like, really bad. I want to say there were bad by wrangled because the non Jews to hit him on his left hand when he used to put the penalty statement. The next problem. Next question. Please Mr. etiquette expert. William handsome business from Hattie. Hi, guys. My friend told me this joke the other day. And I thought it would make a great question say someone's neighbor has ordered a sex toy and your dog has ripped open their Pasol. What do you do? Apparently, they talked about in that class progressive. And the three main owns is where I buy new one and send it to them. We wrap it in posted to them or I throw it away. So what would you do? Let's let's put this into layman's terms, right? So neighbors took him hassle from next door. I'm let's be blunt. They said, although. Yes. You can't go out to your neighbors house. Bilbo? No, just like what Blinn about and around. So. Dildos love drops off this morning this game through box. Whereas it should be coming through yours. This actually happened to my moment. Dad, of course, it right? And it also happens to a guy where with we can. I just ask was the they had the deal that accidents or. Yeah. So we think it was it was it was in a really suspect package. Do we got said my love of his mom. That's definitely dildo moments. Like, oh now you set his so she sent him around to give I think an answer to this question. I would probably I like the idea of buying them in you one and then sending it to them, not minimally. But I think probably give it a wash re rap hits and pulpit next door. I think that's probably. Gives you can't pretend it's not been delivered because you have to sign for it. So I just yeah. I'd be repaired or just posted for a never speak of again. Is that it? Yes. So if you're going to tell a friend one thing that you've learned from this podcast. What should it be? You're a lefty. And that's in every sense of the word. I'm a righty. Yeah. To deal with the back seat driver. It's daily backseat driver. You should be polite for there's nothing wrong with eating left-handed. There's nothing wrong. We eat in left-handed more than welcome school is tough and school is tough. And don't let the bullets get you down. Don't let don't going back to blood. It's a bit like a song. Don't let them see blood. If a is for shark sees blood, they attack and that's going to Phoebe question. What she's got to remember with bullies? Try even inside might cut you up. Don't let them see that try and rise above it. Those people got clearly lots of issues and don't worry about them brilliant. Remember to getting to go to our website sex, my boss dot com. This podcast is all about us. So we want to hear from you sex. My BUSTER come and get your questions in. I thank you.