Ep 129 - Holy S! Mike Cannon is a father.

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Every time i say like are you exactly and that's how we begin. Trashing sharada live small who i invited to to get parts to do a little podcasting with mike hannan and myself and mike sappho and maybe chris distefano but chirac doesn't really holy crap look in the tits on this one again. There are some uncomfortable breasts in new york city well oh she just covered covered up because we were all looking well. What what do you expect. You know where she's not wearing a bra row. He's now mad at us out this one just walking fucking tim hydac. The blonde is just walking down seventy second so funny. I legitimately thought you were talking about the four four foot by four foot hispanic woman those those are some pretty awful turks lettera square. Dan spongebob crews that god has a sense of humor the blonde walking by she was probably a thirty six pushing a di no bra young so there there is not much of a bounce going on so we both start staring. Is it okay go in your sleep. Okay even though you're married with a kid and and so so i'm staring you're staring mike staring and then the guy gets mad and she covers up like do women understand what that does to a guy. I thought that was the goal for the most part right like like when i'm wearing a certain outfit. I'm hoping to get off lers. I'm hoping somebody will just be like man. That guy looked sharp and i assume when you're showcasing a little bit your breasts people that are i hope people appreciate them. Someone's got explained the whole thing to us because i guess we're not supposed to off goal but she looks like how dare you look at my breasts line fairness jerking off so i might have pushed it over the line i want to <hes> give gephardt's a little bit of a plug so this is where we do a lot of our podcast mike candidates since we left westwood one and it's it's it's a great beer joints called gephardt's beer culture on seventy second street between broadway and west end avenue and a lot of the fans of this podcast or stop by checking it out cool cool just because we podcast from here which is nice. I've never been here. This looks exactly my drinking speed yeah. Absolutely that's what i thought when i said hey you wanna podcast i was thinking to myself. I had the perfect spot for you but then i forgot that you you stop drinking for seven or eight months yeah yeah i'm i'm almost eight months and i don't know if i'm going to go back. I'm kind of in the no funds own where i'm writing better and i'm more of a human being and right oppressed and you're thirty pounds lighter thirty pounds lighter. I'm high all the the time but like you know so that that helps me not feel as much but so what's the difference between still getting high and and getting being high and also being a heavy drinker. I'm way more functional when i'm stoned and i still have the work ethic when i drink. I am totally fucked like i'm. I guess that's like who i am. Deep down is just somebody who doesn't want to do much boozing and all my ambitions are yeah just like yeah. I'm just gonna. I'm just going to graze but i thought marijuana would do that would make you just say fuck it to everything. I know what made you a little bit more creative but it also makes you it kind of bid on the lazy side. I think it's different for different people for whatever reason like i before she was pregnant. I got high with my wife and she <hes> she was having a tough time for the most part she was. Just kinda like like oh. Why are you. I feel weird. I'm like we smoked. It's like oh that's right forgetting that she was under the influence yeah like why aren't you weirdos like i dunno. I feel great and she's like this is built for you at this moment where she was like oh this. Is this works for you. You'd probably have a much higher tolerance than her right yeah and also i at this point. I smoke a specific type of pot that is more or less specifically for me too so i'm back in the pot game. <hes> i like you but i'm i'm more than different than his point. You gotta help me out which which one yeah uh-huh yeah what ails you. What do you mean like for me i am. I don't want lane superhighway brain. Okay you know what i i mean. Constant thoughts wanted thoughts very difficult to organize with pot it kind of bottlenecks the traffic a little bit okay and allows me to kind of slowly sift through everything so it's a it's a little bit slower. I'm not as chris what are some of the unwanted thoughts mostly self hatred and mike guy and guilt. That's another thing with drinking my dad like when i grew up he was an alcoholic in recovery yeah go into a into with him since i was four years old yeah so i mean that was kind of my babysitter is shivering adults past coffee and just talking about all the horrible shit. They've done wait. Your dad thought it. It was okay to bring you to a meetings at four years old yeah. I guess i got a i got a six year old. I can't imagine bringing her. Even when i- podcast i you gotta say in terms of you know in regards to his behavior. That was probably the most constructive that wasn't even top fifty worshiped he would do right but ah that was fine but i also was brought up to like anybody that held a beer. They were an alcoholic so that's what i was taught to judge and look at okay. Kinda took pot and psychedelic collect some therapy to break free of that judgment but it still is that for me gotcha so when i drink the next day not only do i have the anxiety of the hangover hangover and like the self hatred of now. I wasted a day. I burn this. What did i say you know who who's dick. Did i grab. It's you know i'm also i have that stuff that has kind of been embedded into me. Where now i'm hating every it's not gay if you're drunk. That's exactly good. If you're blacked picked out going meetings where your dad at four years old i bet you that helped to become a comedian right. I'm sure yeah and it also i i've gone on through the years like so even when i was in college and just starting to get to drink my like i would go with my dad and all it did was reinforce that i didn't have a a problem because you listen and that's probably actually a bad thing too because at some point you know i didn't need to rein it back and there are times that i could have done it lassen and and you know focused a little more but somebody is always doing it way worse so you go to a and you hear somebody like you know. Wake up and i'd make some breakfast activists. I'd i'd have like a morning beer with breakfast and then i'd get on the train and i'd have my beer in a bag sip that on the train then i'd get off the train. I'd walk to work. I'd stop in the bar. Get like a bloody mary before or work through a bumper coke in the bathroom goaded work. You know get a little done do a little bumper coke underneath the desk <hes> every once in a while go to launch a couple of cocktails at lunch. Come back to the office. Finish up work then go to happy hour. Do a bunch of blow and then kind of you know. The whole thing starts all over and i'm like yeah i am. The man like i've never had a problem yeah. I have no issues whatsoever. Exactly you remember one day a story from when you work when you go. We're going as a kid. I remember there was like an older kid kid and we were like talking. I tried to joke about this but it got too sad and it was like kind of an off handed reference that i was trying to make it. It sound like i made it up but my my this kid was. We were talking. Which one's your dad and i was like. Oh he's the one like constantly smoking cigarettes over there. I was like which one's yours and he's like oh. He's the one telling the story about how he worked over my mom because she overcooked the spaghetti that has stuck in my brain that wording exactly for my whole life i can almost see the guy who's played though man. I love spaghetti. The people overcook it. It's infuriating. If you fuck up ben you know every once but twice you gotta learn nothing worse than leaving the spaghetti in the water. A little to mention that i think is part of the old italian cookbook is just a nice punch in the face. Fuck it up yeah so yeah we're here gephardt's with my canada and last time i had you on the podcast you announce to the world that you were going to be a father yeah yeah and then you know. Follow your social. Media and stuff haven't actually seen you since soon as you had a kid. I'm like oh my god. I gotta get this guy on the podcast. If someone has a good take on whole pregnancy thing and then having a kid i i think it's mike cannon over almost anyone out i mean now you probably will disappoint me. It was like all right no but go all right so go back. Well yeah about seven or eight months sure so i told you how it happened right eight right before i went to the middle east i get into that. You've got to refresh my so like we hadn't been trying and the pregnancy to me was a surprise apparently like like my wife had been like preparing for for a while. We went to bloom on vacation and apparently did like these spiritual ceremonies and she's like setting intentions and pulling pulling tarot cards and shit just doing everything in her power to like white woman witchcraft into this world. Wait till loom in mexico yeah. They're so beautiful you you went to the ruins and all that we actually didn't do that because we was fucking but yeah we did. We did the sonoda as and all that stuff we kind of it was like one of those really great vacations where we didn't do shit which are so few and far between because my wife is like captain activities and so anytime that we can like you know. I'm trying to remember the mayan ruins we went to. I guess they call it to loom or something to loom ruins whatever and on the way out sorry. We'll get back to all but i can't believe you just mentioned to loom. This guy goes. Hey you wanna hold a tiger. Oh shit. I'm like yeah. I know it wasn't drunk or hi right and so this guy hands me a tiger tiger that was more than a cub. It was heavy as shit polish and i got a great little video for twitter instagram and youtube and all that thinking nothing think of it. I got fucking attacked by people no kidding. They're like you know <hes>. Everyone is encouraged not to do that because you know you pay. The guy ten fifteen bucks everywhere. I don't even remember maybe even twenty dollars and you hold a tiger who gets to do that. Turns out the tigers are all drugged up and stuff fucking hurt. You and i didn't even ask that. I'm just like yeah. I'm holding a tiger yeah right and then. What are you going to read it like check. It's papers. I got the shit kicked out of me on twitter people kidding. That's is unreal mad. Yeah i mean at that point. It's like all right. Mistake made l. assume the guy knew what he was doing. When that's the thing about when when you travel mike is a big traveler when you go elsewhere. They let you do crazy. Shit that you're you. Don't get to do in america and you just in your mind. You just assume wow you just stopped me. Cold holy shit mike showing us a picture of him with the tiger a full grown dead one. He killed. I let them do it because they they held it down and he just punched it to death that just like that chick that thinks she's so cool with the dead durant right. Actually that's shit pisses me off. What's the story the tiger now down in thailand highland in chiang mai and the first one we went to they would definitely drugged because they were just call motto sitting there and then you get chicks. You know i put it right on twitter. Five hundred followers and the people crushed me looked into it and then we went to a real one row sanctuary and you can tell the difference there live walking around you gotta sign papers and stuff licking their lips taylor. You can't go in there to feed feed them like so much then you can go in because they lay around then you can go with a few minutes pitchers. Homeboys are dan you man wow but i mean the pictures cools hell man but as also i went to a cockfight in bali for our honeymoon. I had like a driver that we paid eleven cents and he would take he was taken around us around these like you know how. How weird are you guys. Do you wanna get weird with it and we're like how's fucking weird with it so he was like let's go to a cockfight. We're the two only two white people there. My wife was the only woman so i of course i'm assuming she's going to be beheaded clin- there's something and so were there and they're betting they're tying daggers to their feet because that's the way to make a humane because you know otherwise. They're just bludgeoning lodging each other to death beaks. They're trying to make the kill quicker exactly yeah so but i bet on it and you know i i was so poor four at picking winners that people were waiting for me to place my bet so they could bet the opposite i i didn't win a single one hundred percent from the field for losing put put report. How hard is it. I don't know i guess it was like statistically impossible what i did but i read every guy that was in the catcher's position nations smoking forty eight cigarettes in a matter of minutes. It's like just watching me putting in their ads and winning money we went to the bahamas and we went on one of these excursions excursions where the like you know you could scuba dive not scuba dive snorkel snorkel with sharks. I'm like shit. I'm like all right. I guess they know what they're doing so we just assume we signed some weird paper and no one reads it to sign because you want to get on the boat and next thing you know we're we're diving in the bahamas <hes> sorry scuba diving in the bahamas and they have like a box of just sean at the bottom and they open that shit up and sharks come from everywhere but they're like <hes> <hes> don't worry mom there reef sharks and reef sharks won't hurt. You look like they'll hurt. You and we're scuba diving and they're like don't panic when they come circling or clean up toward the surface. They're just curious and now we not reef sharks all around us holy fuck and then all of a sudden you know i'm like i'm still thinking they really know what to doing. They've been doing this for twenty thirty years. Next next thing you hear one of the guys go out of the water. That's not aretha shock and we're like why did swimming for their lives to get back on the kind of shark it was but but it wasn't a resort holy. Take these chances and we used to on the radio. We would talk about you know excursions around the world people would call in with the crazy z. ash it. I'm trying to remember but i remember. I think it was alligators and you could buy an actual goat for dollars alive golden. Just throw the pen holy america. They like jurassic park. It'll give his fucking awesome. That's why into loom with the sonoda like you. You know people are like it's a natural pool. There's no sharks like don't worry about that but then we're walking in there and there are signs that say corps kc misspelled for crocodiles right and and i was like what the fuck it's usually pretty cool but we get in there and you never know. You can't really see where anything is coming from and they're like yeah. We saw a couple before they're kind of scrambled pulled off the water and then you see a couple across the way and they swim into the water and i'm like yeah. I'm in here for eight seconds and i'm going back to the pool at the walk this. What what is this pool sonoda. Yeah i never heard for the not i guess is like a naturally formed a body of water okay like it. I guess washed up to enclose a pond filled with ocean water so it has all the saltwater cool still got ocean life in it but it doesn't have any flow for many other bodies as a water completely self-contained right yeah and it spiritual. I guess i mean into loom. That wasn't spiritual values. Just something that we went to like you know agila chill out and they get rid of the heat or whatever but where we stayed fuck i'm trying to think of the place which was awesome but we stayed at this resort and they had us do this kind of like lighting incense or whatever it was and cleansing of our spirit. You know i it just the whole thing while i'm sitting there wishing for career success asked my wife wishing for my come to work. Oh really yeah and that's what led to the pregnancy so we didn't even try on that vacation. I was was still pulling like a savage and you know. I was always pulling real early than the time it happened was our was our first real attempt where i was going to the middle east to perform for the troops and the night before i was like joking around about being this hero going over there and i was like hey like a soldier just in case i die over there. I might as well like you know. Drop a batch hat yeah so as we're having sex. I literally as i'm coming. I'm deploy came inside of her and the day. I got back twelve l. twelve or thirteen days later. She told me she was pregnant and worked at swung to the sides of her uterus instantly and you wanted to kane right or were you tightening toward soared or no no. It's something that for sure wanted. I didn't know what ming and there is no proper timing especially with comedy. I feel like the only time i would really been like comfortable with it is had i had already done nine seasons of seinfeld. If you're living off eight hundred million dollars is there you go yeah then i would have felt like totally totally fine but now this is my job and this is reality yeah what was going to say oh shoot. I just lost my thought. I just lost my thought on something. <hes> that's fine so how was the pregnancy and joe's great. I mean my my wife like she didn't have any sickness. Nothing like nothing really hard or any complications or anything like that. We both i read <hes>. I read a little bit about it and i read some parenting books and pregnancy stuff <hes> a worship yeah i mean it lasts horsh it. That's what's so funny is like i was in aruba doing gigs. Bob kelly was out there too who and <hes> i'm sitting there aruba. Have you been no. It's like the official island of massachusetts. I idea bobby over the years has tried to talk me into going to rubel and then my my mentor in this business up there in rochester he goes to aruba and okay but no. I'm aware dude. I gotta that'd be honest with you though because the one thing that turns me off about aruba is they say there's a windy side so yeah so that's always made me panic like what if i fucked up and we're on the windy side. I don't think any of the hotels are on that side yeah. Just stick the locals to down their own hatches when i'm sitting there like you know i'm reading the books during the day and catch some sun. This mother walked by and she goes. It doesn't say nothing. It doesn't say nothing. I'm like okay cool. She's like you gotta. Learn on your own. I'm like yeah. I know thanks lady. I'm serious raid now and i'm like all right like beat it you fucking blotchy skin mania actually but she's not wrong when i i found out i was going to be a father is in san francisco now. When i got fired from the big radio gig many years ago for the sex sam thing i just wandered the earth and i finally went san francisco for the first time because my old college roommate from genesee oh boy that's where he lives so i i made the ride from l._a. To san francisco and i hung up i hung out up there for a month on a bunch of years on with with my girl and we were married and i said let's go to san francisco. I gotta show this place. It's amazing amazing so we get there and obviously something wasn't right and i'm like all right. We got you know i want to take an alcatraz and we're gonna rent rent bikes in an inline skates over the golden gate bridge and then we're going to do this and we're going to go up to wine country blah blah blah and she goes i. We have to take a pregnancy test. I'm like what day for us so long story short we. We we do the pregnancy test and the hotel find out that you know maybe a father. The parents and i'm like holy shit excited like anybody else because we you know obviously we were planning on that and then after the moment stupid me. I'm like all right so we're gonna go to alcatraz and i'm i'm gonna go over the golden gate bridge. She's like no we're going to the bookstore and we're gonna get books and she walked out of it was barnes and noble which is now long gone with a stack of books in the same shit as those books that is going to prepare you to be a father. Yeah i mean i just panicked about like when to take her to the hospital. You know what i mean like. I was the only thing i was worried and we ended up actually hiring dula josh. If you have the means i would recommend it because they were like just that she was a solid lead coach. Yeah the entire time really walked us through the entire process right couple of you know lactation courses and stuff like that her and i just took copious. It's not on what am i looking for together to the hospital because all of my information was coming from like father of the bride and knocked up. We're like you know. The water breaks breaks. You'd have eight seconds to get to the hospital otherwise you're spitting this baby on your closet floor. What you what you find out is the news tells. The story of the taxicab. Yeah delivered a baby today. In manhattan that is rare of course it turns out when their water breaks. You've got another eighteen hours. I tell us this shit forever forever and we had we had a false alarm because <hes> you know it a little bit graphic but her mucus plug started coming out a few days before the actual labor got underway but we we thought that meant it was time we'd left in the middle of the night like three days before it was supposed to happen and we get the back in a in an uber with some acidic. I playing hebrew blues. I've literally never heard like literally blues riffs with it's like a b._b. King singing in like also hebrew it was the most bizarre experience in my life but we were talking and i'm easing her through her contractions you'd like was i guess pissed off because he just kept turning up the volume he was not happy wasn't ended the experience. One star exit that son of a bitch exac echo. I want to hear that music. I'm gonna look it up on youtube tonight. I shot for shot with you with this so in her water breaks and we go to the hospital and i'm thinking just like you with the movies and stuff. We'll have this kid in the middle of central park as we're trying to drive through central park to get to the hospital so we get to the hospital and obviously we're going to have a kid and i said the stupidest thing ever i look at the the lady that's taken all the vitals and stuff check us in and everything and they're basically saying you're going to have this kid you know and i go. Is this gonna take. This is gonna take long they five a._m. Wake up for me. I mean i'll explain this to the day i die. I'll never win and i get it but to me like i was doing morning radio and i wasn't a good sleeper and when her water broke the timing couldn't have been any worse because i was so tired. We're in in our apartment already. She was cutting strawberries and water broke it on mike holy fuck. I was panicking because i'm like. I don't know if i'll literally be able to keep my eyes so when we got to the hospital below is panicking and that's what i said is gonna take. My wife will be like you son of a bitch but i in my defense. I was panicking like i don't wanna <hes> yeah. I don't wanna be a loser here and pass out totally yeah so we got through that man that yeah are are pregnancy was super easy and <hes> pregnant sachs is not my favorite thing in the entire world not to mention i went to fucking aruba so i had to glove up right after that which because of my exposure to zeka so if i didn't wanna beetlejuice headed baby i literally wear a condom for the rest of the pregnancy so that just you know just killed are both of our libidos not to mention the baby and also feeling a child kick while immediate boehner killer. What about too tight bubis though yeah. I mean that that was pretty fun. I'd squeeze those while jerking off while she was sleeping. Better realize he's worked there. It's okay you're the best of but i got it back up before you go through the whole hospital thing so <hes> you did you go and do the classes so we just had the dula so she came to us. Oh okay yeah instead of doing the lamar's ride and like that and we did we did. We did the classes and you being a stand up comedian. You missed a great great opportunity because there's a lot of fucking these classes so we go and my my wife couldn't have been cooler but then they showed the film they actually actually show a birth and so the lady in the front of the room who basically told us how much she hates kids. I'm like why are you teaching this class if she's she's she loves dogs obsess about our dogs talk about dogs and say. I don't even know why people would want to have kids but anyway joking and i'm thinking been maybe her supervisor should realize that he's not the right person to be doing this because she's lost her passion because we're all panicking. We're all first time parents. Obviously you want someone. That's it's like oh. It's beautiful and this and that but she's like oh my god. Why would he do this because live in new york and you you know you don't have a lot of room and i'm like whatever so it was time in a show the film and she actually goes if any of you any of you people are going to get squeamish. Raise your hand. You don't have to watch the film. Tom and i'm sitting there like no fucking way as any. We're going to raise their hand because you know how women are when they're like. We're close now. At this point. She's probably eight months pregnant eight and a half months pregnant it. Everyone in the room is like they're just struggling and our jobs are basically to hold their hand right. This fucking guy raises his hand. The whole league raises his hand and gets escorted out while his wife is now his wife. I don't know for sure but she looked like she's gonna have the kid any second yeah and he raises his hand. I'm like what a scumbag home again then he gets escorted out of the room and she has to watch the film of giving birth. You see what happens to her yeah and he couldn't handle and he's out in the hall that marriage. I would love to know uh who would fucking do that. Even if even if you are squeamish 'cause you're is a make believe you're watching the film or something right through it for the love. How many murder scenes in movies like okay. This is a bit much. I remember he was like nerdy guy and he just raised his hand like i let out a look at me. I'm like yeah. I'm the least a piece of shit here right. I'm like oh. You can't do that. Championing my wife right we had we did a lactation course even after we gave birth to the kid and so it's like i wasn't there. Actually it was just for the women and nicole. My wife was in the in the in the waiting room with all these people and they're going through asia couple walked in and they're like what we have to feed the baby the baby what does it eat and drink literally early asked what does it eat and drink pepsi. What the fuck it. That's beyond the language barrier. That's amazing yeah. It is amazing amazing so then you get to the hospital and how many hours before checking in and and the birth so we did the false alarm then we then then we you know we waited a few days. We're gonna get induced on a wednesday at five a._m. But her her <hes> contractions started happening before that one a._m. That morning they started started happening and they were like they were five minutes. Apart lasting amended each and they were it was going consistently for our and now with the apps. They kind of update you each time where it's like. This is a practice contraction. Don't worry to walk around. It'll help your face -ment it'll help you dilate open. These are starting to get a little more real like maybe have have a meal before you go to the hospital. Take a shower like you have a little bit of time but get ready to go yeah and then and then it gives you the get your ass to the fucking hospital right now we didn't i don't. I don't know how anybody did it without everything that i had because i like i would have been clueless right and useless that without all of that is amazing so we get the note to like go to the hospital. We end up calling this uber driver. He's the exact opposite of the last guy that we had in the sense that he turned down the volume. Oh you of his music and like adjusted by the way feel free to give birth in the back of my car. I got this shit rolling. Don't go viral. Don't won't play on youtube. We'll get lively right right so we're just sweet enough guy but we go and i it was still like i guess it took us twenty four hours so long as fuck mundul got there. She's massaging my wife. She's helping her with stretches on the big exercise ball and she's helping her tried to like get a face because my wife's <hes> service was shut like a submarine door like just absolutely sealed to the brim wasn't letting any light or in or out real. Yes we were trying to you know even with the postseason we started out. We started the induction so we did the <unk> tocine. We did all this stuff and it all all it did was kind of like it it. It found a little bit of a rhythm but the furthest she got was like five centimeters dilated which is about half way seventy percent efface met with the flattening of the survey anybody who gives a shit but i just wanna prove that ran up you know good for you yeah so i we not to mention the kid. It was sunny side up so he's <hes> he's not only he wasn't in the right position. He was he was head down and totally fine but he was is facing out the world. You know the optimal safe labor is like if he's facing your spine and then you can kind of okay so we are entire. Birthing plan was to avoid c-section at all costs because my wife has her own business. She's a floral designer. Which you know involves a little bit of physical labor so she was trying to get back on her feet as quickly as possible all but we couldn't avoid it. We ended up getting. We had to get a c section after twenty four hours of labor and i thought you know i'm i'm an ignorant idiot. I thought a c section was like unzipping a fanny pack and you just pull out your zipper backup and your fucking fine you high five the kid and you'd get sent home but you explain it to the people that don't know horrific. It is truly horrific and i was always like kind of pushing for it because i thought it was the safest thing i didn't want my wife to like take go through that much pain that that was one of the toughest parts of the whole experience was watching my wife really fucking agonize pain. I mean the the contraction contraction everything it all just like beating the piss adam right so then with the c section. I'm like great. She won't feel a thing. It'll be awesome but you know now. They put me in the they take her into the room and there's like five or six doctors. There's a ton of them in there which i didn't know i thought it was a one man operation and they put me in the scrubs outside and they're like make sure you have your phone ready like take some pictures and i'm like man things have changed in this society and i brought my headphones so i had one headphone for me one headphone for my wife. We had like a mixed play stuff that we're gonna listen to him. You know when the baby was born and but the they kind of they ramp up the epa daryl right like that's how they that's how they prep you so you don't feel anything in your feet or in your legs before it's like walking epidurals where you still have some mm sensation at that point you feel fucking nothing right but a lot of women react with like hardcore shivering to that but darryl so i'm i'm i get in. There are in my scrubs and i see the big tarp and everybody's prepping her. It's this big fucking multi person thing and get behind the thing and my wife is like hello another like convulsing. It wasn't shivers. It was fucking death's doorstep convulsing wow hardcore. I wasn't prepared for it but i'm i'm there as as the rock report so. I'm just like this is normal. This is how it's supposed to be. The you know the head chief or whatever that it she's behind us. She was indian. She was behind us and say you know like this is normal. Don't worry about it. It's totally fine but i'm i'm scared out of my mind. You know and i'm talking to my wife and you know trying to be like we've known each other since we were ten. How how crazy is this like. We met we met on the blacktop at our elementary school and now we're having a kid where procreating married this is such a wild experience and i'm trying to like you know just sweep her into the into the conversation as opposed to what's going on and as has i'm like reinforcing. Hey judas on in the background. We're both like donald bopping along celebrate tori celebrate tori fun upbeat songs right and chris. Oh my god and absolute bloodbath on the other side of things and she's like get your get your camera ready and they pulled down the blue tarp and it still has kind of a gallagher clear you know avoid the watermelon in and you know as pull it down. They seem it. You know they pull up my kid. My kid is fucking huge. He's eight pounds eleven ounces twenty to twenty inches long just like a four year old and he even had like you know even though he was he had a cone head and a bit of like markings on his face because is he was trying to push through your trying to make his way through but he couldn't do it and you know they brought him around to the table and they're telling me they're like aren't you can go see your kid and i'm like well. I've i've known her longer like. Can i make sure he's all right this guy just fucking god here and they're like we got her surgeries half over you know 'cause they basically just cut her open right and then they gotta do the rest of the story. Don't they take some of her. Shit out dude this. Is you get to see that so this is the fucked up. Sorry i didn't mean no. It's a great we question because i didn't know again i had no. We prepared for vaginal birth. This was not a part of our plan whatsoever you know so they told us that because he was like sunny any sign up and outward facing at his lips were at the incision so when they opened up his lips were just bucking fit yet literally doing like fish shapes and shit like that and they pulled them out. It's all this pressure and they're like you know my wife was like it felt like they were pulling like an eighty pound human out of my body while and so when they took me to see my son they go don't look anywhere pass the blue so they have like arrows taped arrows on the ground which they're like if nothing else just keep your head down do not look seriously so you so looked i saw i like i have point guard periphery so i yeah i could see you later. Okay yeah i can see a little out of the corner of my eye but then i over career <hes> overcorrected and just saw her like ninety pound placenta in a bowl bowl next to me. Have you seen the new season of stranger things so for those of you who have it looks like the coagulated humans that join together to become the monster unsturdy up it was like brain from ninja turtles like aircra- light it was just so gnarly and i'm like so ridiculous they bring me to my kid. I'm just it's so out of your body like i don't. I don't know if you felt fully present or if you were like in i was locked in and i was incredibly <hes> confused. Yeah credibly confused because you know my life was me and my wife and i we had a great existence that we still do. I should say had yeah i have i have an awesome white yeah but so it was just me and her and then also my kid pop sound like where the fuck did. Did you just come. That was my thought. I was so confused. I mean it was cool as hell and i was happy and i was crying and all that but also like i don't get this yeah. I'd get this like you're. You're a complete human. Being that just popped outta my wife right. I do come from no matter the preparation. I think it like it's still it's disassociate. Yeah i felt i felt completely outside of my body. Almost as if i was married a netting my you know what i mean so i was going through the motions as a human mm-hmm and being but i was like it felt like i was almost on a hallucinogen kind of seeing a movie my own life. Yes you know what i mean and so they're they're smearing the idress book in his face they give them. The ketamine shot vitamin k away and i'm just like holy shit. I just kept saying holy shit's just cursing in my kids faces thirty seconds role and i put my finger there. He grabs my finger. It's over from that point on you know. I'm just immediately in love with this kid. They pick them up. They bring them. They're like you wanna meet your your mommy. They bring them around and <hes> you know we walked. We walked around and in both of us hysterically crying. I have so many goddamn family issues that this is this is a big opportunity a big moment big opportunity to you know kinda reset some things in head off into a different direction than the dysfunction that i was brought up in right and all of this is kind of like unearthing. It's the bottom of a swamp like somebody is just like kinda. Eh like an alligator comes to the surface all of that stuff cifs to the top that has been just dormant for a hundred years. It's all circulating into my body and i'm just like oh my god. This is so overwhelming. My wife is crying. I'm crying delayed. Do you want to hold your kid. I've never held a kid the obviously that's young but but i i haven't held a kid probably less than a month old up until that point. I always waited like three or four months. Yeah right freaks out there fucking ratto ors. I i feel like i'm not retarded but i feel like i'm lenny from end so somebody gives me something. That's susceptible to damage. I might just snap it <music> out of instant i but you know they gave me the kid and i'm holding any just like opened. His eyes looked at me. You know he can't see shit obviously obviously but in my head and in my heart just like we are making a genuine human connection and his point and again it's over at that point. I'm just like your for it. Man right you're at you and my wife and i was in love with my wife before this on you know i'm coming off like a real pop here but like this really solidified defied everything our entire relationship right just how supportive we've been of each other even through this process and how you know how much i'm going to be there for her her and him for the rest of my life like that's it as much as i wanna make it in comedy be whatever i want to be. It's like it pales in comparison. Yeah you realize <hes> i mean i have a i had and have a great career but you're obviously well on your way but your your priorities get reeve reeve re re shifted. I guess you're i mean and it's like god damn it. This kid is way cooler than being you know a radio guy right right i mean i i still love doing this and podcast and all that something i switched goes off in your rain. You're like wait to some kind of switched. It just went on in my it might sol- yeah. It's the only way you can explain it. I mean the way the way i was talking to some of my friends even the ones that don't have have kids or anything like that when when he cries now or anything like that it like it lights my body up like like i hit i hit a jackpot at slots. You know what i mean it. Just it makes makes me feel this thing that i've never felt before in my entire life and it's just die. It's wild brewers said it perfectly. I've been friends with brewer forever and <hes> before i had kids kids is asking asking him about it and he goes. This is what happens. When you become a father you realize for the first time in your life that you could actually murder someone uh-huh. I'm mike i remember thinking that's fucked up then when i became a father mike ruhr holy fuck. You're right totally totally right because <hes> you know your laws. Aren't my laws anymore. No debut like if my kid is a killer yeah yeah. I got his back on the team. My son way more than anybody else on cheer emma get the high scoring when you see those stories in the news like where the mom helped her are saunas killed as personally get it you gotta get it. There's a story there's a story and this might sum up parenthood perfectly. Is this kid chris porco. Oh from albany years ago he went to high school with my buddy andrew. I met him at genesee al and <hes> he took his yellow jeep wrangler from school in upstate. New york drove it through every fucking you know easy pass tag thing possible home and killed both of his parents with an axe right ah just to like collect on their fucking life insurance however he ended up not killing his mother she was just on the brink of death like wound axe wounds across her face and in china and just angry all yes super fear and also probably psychotic ill and she you know what as she's like slipping into the coma before she before they thought she was going to die. She said it was him she said because she was like hallucinating up and like you know issues or whatever and then when she came to and lived should they asked her who did it and she would not implicate oh my god and and the only reason why i feel comfortable talking about this because it was a nationwide story time made a fucking movie about it the chris porco story me and my buddies every time you see a yellow g._p. Chop each each other the shell they're going to ask you to go to jail. Y'all yeah yeah. I think he's in jail for the rest of okay all right. That's that's one of my biggest. Fears here is that there are people out there that actually give birth to their killer yeah yeah yeah i mean i may have been you know what if i get killed by anyone in might as well be my right. I would be pissed if it wasn't so yeah. I mean the kid pops out and you're like my thought was i ah pretty spiritual these days but you're like where i wow. I don't know shit yo yeah. I'm like i don't know shit. I thought i knew a lot. I i just give up. I now have faith in all sorts of all sorts of crap because the miracle of of life is just insane right and then you also realize is that the women are way stronger than the male species. It's crazy. I don't know why they don't like revolt and rise up and go. Hey assholes y'all well. No we're stronger than you right could give birth to a kid not even close i mean i i was talking about that with my wife and her family where you know at base-level like just how humanity has developed over thou- thousands millions whatever years it's been. I can't believe at base level as an animal. We decided men were in charge yeah because it's just like when you see that when you watch it happen and you realize that the fate of our species lies in their hands it only makes sense sense that they would have a greater say things. I'm not high right now. But you wanna go deep yeah all right so i think all along that the women were way stronger than men okay and member like fuck this and the jealousy got the best of them yeah and that's why we have muscles. I'm just gonna latino lift with tree trunks bigger and stronger so i can control the women yeah i mean that's not bad like we're almost like spiritually everybody as <hes> every guy as a small dick. We're like we're like the guy who had a small dick that or the italian guy that has like five three that is just absolutely juice out of his mind jack and that that was for whatever i feel like that's how we've become in terms of like strength that like how we impose our will on people i my wife gets mad man when i talk about this so i mean i'll be careful press thirty ahead. I thought you know i gotta big dick yeah you. You know but you realize after you see your wife. Give birth to a half. My dick does that do that. Are you. Serious areas are you dick doesn't turn her vagina into an anaconda mouth. Walk yeah i was. I was talking about the miracle of birth and you know when when i had my two kids and my wife didn't see it the same way i'm like mail. You should see what what happens to the vagina. Oh my favorite. I've run into a few people. You know when you when you sign up for dueling you get to meet the other people that are and they're not take typically as reasonable or down to earth as i am a lot of them are real spiritual out flighty euros and like a women will just kind of give you information in that you're not looking for some were this one lady who was like i came so much harder from the birth of my son than i ever have from my husband. Yeah i don't know what to do with that. They don't tell us that the classes i'm gonna march home and asked my wife she if she oh god that's kind of weird. I just stopped myself. It was fun for second then on my view detachment. No it's too so when my son was born. They took literally ten feet away to get his footprints all the stuff. You just explained and my wife. It was really fascinating because she's like go with him. She hannah king he was only ten feet away and now my son's nine and now you know that ten feet a lot a lot the greater distance but i remember that like it happened yesterday. She panicked and beth our our brand. New son was ten feet ninety. Maybe not even eight feet literally in the next room under the heaters right. You know man. I mean i you know i think there's a certain age and i'm not i'm not entirely sure what it is but the kid until a certain age age still believes that he's part of his mother's body like it yes so they developed still thinking they are one person with their mother really even though they're talking with their mother. That's still what they what they believe but i wonder if that's the same subconsciously maybe because intellectually they could probably separate it but subconsciously curious. Women somehow have that exact same feeling. Oh that's interesting. I gotta ask her now. Yeah i'll have an answer on a future episode. It sounds like it is are. You guys gonna have another kid. I don't know i i mean i don't know my my wife in the middle of it and i think this is pretty common. She was like i'm never doing this again. Kid in the middle of labor was like i cannot possibly possibly see myself enduring this again yeah but you know she won't my my mom had six kids while five birth six kids but i mean but they knocked her the fuck out so like i i mean i tell the story like my mom couldn't handle pain so they knocked her out so you know they put me on her. Her belly and i'm like crawling up to suck on a boo. She's just out. Call started just started as a mini. The funny thing is so i have a daughter to <hes> i. She's gonna be seven very soon. Wow that's unbelievable to even say out loud loud and we're we're at at the doctor's office and we're finding out too sexy the kid and they do the thing right and i thought i saw dick so i i know what it is <music> all cocky and stuff right and all sudden. I'm like here comes. They're gonna have another son and i was sort of relieved. Which is this is my wife. My wife raises my daughter and certainly my son to be strong and to raise my son to be respectful toward women and all that but also raise my daughter to be very you know strong and and her own person but i'm a guy guy so i'm like oh i three. I breathed a sigh of relief and i'm like okay. I got another guy. I you don't have to deal with because i know what guys are capable mean for sure and all of a sudden the the doctor goes so you're going to have a girl i went there. Were looked at me like my whole body was even though you know we still still had a few months left in this pregnancy. My first thought was that first guy coming to my house to date my daughter right instantly. That's yeah i mean my my wife's like she's helped me since then like a- yeah that's going to happen and guess what yet girls enjoy sex to write. What what an uncomfortable shit yeah you know it's. It's a better place now but i i i'll hold known. Did you have a sister or anything like that. Did you. Rub your sisters. Yeah i mean that that for me is kind of prepared me a little bit for having a daughter which you know my my sisters and i have a fantastic relationship and i think it's because of all the familial chaos we became super close and communicative and honest with each other to wear like you know i actually would love to have a daughter. I you know i i could see myself raising a good one and being completely fine with it but years ago for sure that would have been my react yeah of course yeah thank you yeah yeah. Can i think it's a natural reaction. If your guy i think so yeah you know and i mean i'm older than you and we do. Come from a time where you know women weren't as equal honest and as strong as they are now. Thank god so you know. It is a different world. I mean even my kid. He's a white male. I'm hoping he's gay future and he's a the big boys so he would just crush action. Absolute dominated gas in brooklyn. I mean that's one of my you know reliefs. If one of my kids is gay i'd give and i but i thank god that you know the time to change. Oh yeah thank god they are pretty much doesn't matter anymore especially if you live in new york city yeah people listening to this podcast in all sorts of backwoods and they like flock when a new york man. We don't give a fuck about any of that now. Why would you know that to me is silly. Even if it's religious based right right yeah so actually especially so. How has your life changed since <hes> <hes> the birth of your son. How how old is he now. He's only two weeks. He's a week he's eight. Days is a day yesterday so much for doing this. Of course i saw pictures of you in in the hospital sleeping still maybe i should wait now. I really thought you'd have a great take on this. You didn't disappoint. I just i love freshly talking about because you know i i pride myself on growing a little bit and i i never wanna stop growing. I think that's where my father failed is that he reached a certain level of maturity and spiritual awareness or just ability to kind of you know we widen his container. Yeah and i don't wanna hit that level. I want to continue to kind of be malleable and and just you know take on whatever i can take on but it's it's made me emotional as fuck. I think that's i feel like i'm going through menopause. It's it's hot and cold. Say happy <hes> when i got home i felt like i was going to throw up. We brought him home. I was just like this. This is so overwhelming. I was physically sick. How about this so you're in the hospital. What were you in for two days three because she she ended up okay. My wife is is this <hes> the c section that keep you the longer but we had to do another procedure because she got the epidurals and some fucking cold a cold war russian gave the initial shot and he fucked up he was like a student so they gave her a second one and apparently like leaked a bit of fluid into her body and it was giving her siri like searing headaches the that happened to my sister-in-law no share yeah. That's pretty common yeah. How 'bout how 'bout you do a doctor does that it's it's a practice it use a pig or something like a tattoo artist. If this shot is going to make your wife's body completely useless then no no the doctor should be doing this right right and close to a thing that could make her not be able to walk forever yeah yeah of course you know what i'm saying. She had a blood patch which was basically the whole they had to basically give her an another epidurals but they took blood from another area of her body and then injected into the problem zone and it basically clotted added around the leak all so it was like hogging a submarine hole with a piece of gum right. You crazy okay now. She's totally okay yeah but honestly it worked instantly simply the headaches and she's recovering really nicely well. I i've talked about this in the past to <hes> you realize what they really have out there. When you have a a serious headache so i'm allergic to pretty much everything okay aw and i don't know what it is but one time i ate something and it looked like i was in a <hes> in a fight like like i was fighting for the championship ship. I could barely see out of my eyes and everything was closing fast fast. My throat was closing fast and a whole read this headache worse headache of my life and i called my brother who lives really close to my dude. You gotta get to the hospital immediately and i was gonna take aspirin. Just go back to bed right. I found out later. I don't know how true this is but i remember it this way. They basically said at the hospital. If i were to take an aspirin for whatever reason it would killed children. No she's allergic reaction. I was having maybe someone could explain that to fund anyway so i go to the hospital and they well. They didn't rush wash me to the back. Even though i can't i can't see i could do this with my fingers to open my eyes so i could sorta say they made me fill out all the paperwork dude d- can't we could do this later. Yeah i promise right. I'll write when i'm ten. Don't worry. I'm good for the good for the bills. Almost wanna say you wanna see my the good old days when i didn't worry about money not so much now but anyway they take take me to the back my brother's there and i'm like i this headache. I can't handle anymore. They they do an i._v. That headache will be gone in seconds. I'm like yeah. I'm thinking myself yeah right. They put something in that i._v. And like when away instantly. I'm like wait. This is available to people yeah michael jackson appropriate yeah and then and then they they i guess it was some kind of <hes> something like benadryl or whatever for the allergy they put something in the i._v. Ah love talking about this. I mentioned a lot and bear with me if you've heard this before but i'm telling you the the listeners obviously all of a sudden they put something in the i._v. Be my brother goes greg holy shit. I'm watching your face. Go back to normal in real time like all senators like and i feel my eyes opening backup. Oh and i was out of the hospital within an hour. Totally fine holy shit but it's back to your point where they have this shit makes stuff goes similar. The thing happened to me. I fourth grade when i moved to rockland county from <hes> fort montgomery right outside of west point i i we moved in. I climbed a tree and i got stung by nashville of hornet two hundred bytes all over my body minimum like all over so my face again prizefighter like the guy in the rock at the beginning. Eh chemical explodes shit. That's what my face looks like and similarly they put me on some sort of drip and slowly but surely it reshaped and came back to form but like it's crazy what they're capable of doing hidden and not to mention the millions of people that had to die to just figure it almost <hes> you almost died like macaulay culkin. What was the name of that movie. My girl what the okay yeah macaulay culkin has great careers in bach in the home alone movies always just as fun little goofy kid next thing. You know like oh my god. That is a sad movie fucking. What's dan ackroyd movie and i'm like dan ackroyd right before his i believe in hardcore in alien designing vodka wait. He's into aliens. Oh he's real into it. Yeah i wanna. I talked to him about it so bad. He's like he's hard core. I got assigned bottle of his vodka. Does the skull got the skull with dan aykroyd signature. That's fucking awesome. What does he believe as far as aliens go. I really don't know i just i've heard a couple of interviews where he's like been. You know he's like tom. Delay for blink one eighty two like he's that serious and gung ho about <music> out. I don't know if he's started as many projects. Tom delong who apparently all of his things where he's talked to high level generals and not false. He's been right the time yeah. Where are you at all that stuff. I'm totally in dalians so am i yeah for sure i. I think there's so much fucking life in the universe reverse would blow your mind but everything is so far apart from everything that sadly in our lifetime we probably won't you know won't know maybe maybe well. You're younger than me. You might you might make but here's so here's where i'm at such a such a like. I like carl sagan quite a bit and one of his things was that he believed dalians are present like they're here with us now. Our meat vessels are incapable of perceiving them so they they exist on a whole different dimension and they're probably ably sitting on this fucking barrels just listening to this podcast listening to these two fruits. Do we gotta get high together next. I haven't smoked weed and a week either. I believe all that because we're looking for aliens that kinda look like awesome this but i believe there's planets out there were dinosaurs yeah yeah and <hes> humans like the level where on but then humans that are way more advanced because they've been living longer and then <hes> human center way last i. I believe that whole spectrum is out there. In the universe. I is well and especially like if you you know the the universe is infinite right so time is is it. Time is a human construct. Yes in the past president. Future is happening simultaneously so all of this stuff. I actually think that there is a future where sex doesn't even exist austin where they just removed it from the equation and so we can continue to advance spiegel yet. People don't understand that that time is as far as the universe goes. There is no time humans invented that would locks and all that horse shit that there was no time not at all yeah. We're living in eternity right now. Yeah it's pretty weird. I think it's awesome. I do a lot of spiritual stuff. Now i listen to oprah winfrey super bowl sunday. Oh yeah i wanna told told me i've never heard of it. It's great at car toll a._a. And <hes> you know seat of the soul with gary zouk zouk off yeah so i you gotta listen to as a pod. Have you ever listened joe. Campbell joseph cambell ja rule's stuff. He he wrote was back in like the forties fifties fifties yeah i like. I like graham hancock to know him. He's been on rogan a few times he he talks about like kind of spiritual sites now like beckley tepi the places that like they're they're as advanced technology but differently so it's just in harmony with us as humans where like you know they say you could stick your head in between two stones stones that are positioned at a perfect mathematical equations and your consciousness shoots out to fucking pluto weird love that you know i live at. I live at the beach all summer. <hes> like i can get marijuana. They say this but i'm wearing shoes and it's really feels uncomfortable. Goes can unkind. I'll go a month without wearing any type of shoes but you know out there. You know because new york city. You don't really get to see the stars. Dare you like what dov you've totally. You're trying to tell me there's no life out there. Are you insane and this is only what i can see with my naked eye and it goes way beyond that especially the beach where there's no interference whatsoever. I've gotten also good at unfocused eyes and being able to re harness mushroom visuals. What yeah yeah so i can like. I've i've learned how to increase visuals as i'm tripping like see a little bit more it helps with weed as well but i can now do it sober and see some of the trails and the <hes> sacred geometry and all that comes your way past me. That's awesome. Do the microdosing i. I haven't awhile but i used to. I did it for like a month straight. It helped my depression for sure. Yeah i remember we talked about it on the radio. Show yeah what i want to try i would i would. I mean it's cool man. It doesn't make you high or anything like that. It's super safe to do even around your family. You know you're not like they notice them on it. No no you won't even really i notice you're on it. You'll just kind of like feel not like killing laugh because it's true minute thing though is i. I think we even got history wrong on earth. Oh please. I was written by the winners but i think i think we have cycled through life way. More than people realize on this planet and i really do because my my whole theory is why are we the only intelligent species and and what's the second most intelligent thing on earth. Why is there such a dramatic gap yeah and rest. The nature is not dramatic out of caps like that yeah no one no one thinks about this. They just assumed i saw you know. I don't know what they would say. They don't even care they don't even think on this level but to me on my that's pretty fucked up or is the gap even as substantial as we're told it is because apparently dolphins have a very similar ability. You know reason reason to you know they rape right but you know they very sexual. Yeah they think on our level in their pigs pigs also they're like really in pixar sir incredibly intelligent yeah yeah i saw i saw a pig video on that one of those guys but i saw video that made the rounds on twitter. Unfortunately i have <hes> why am i saying this. We had such a good time just like lobsters there. They put them in boiling water and i'm like wow it's tough shit shit but as far as human beings i i i don't think too many more times than people are willing to admit oh for sure and i really feel like we're not from this planet silly. Is that apple's that yeah i <hes> i told my mom so when i was like seven or i i may have mentioned this on the show before but i'm not sure i <hes> when i was like seven or eight i got super into <hes> kicked out a c._c._d. Good for you. I like drew. Dix on the i got. I was into religion. I just wasn't into the strict portion that they were pushing so i immediately measure into <hes> spirituality exactly 'cause his religion started as spirituality and then we had a defining yeah and then that apple is a man yeah and it's been a problem since this people just you know god was everywhere everywhere and love is everywhere and all that and then we were like well yeah but we need to build a building and we need this and that's where he wasn't a bearded lifeguard that cared aired which whole you fuck but he's not he doesn't have blonde hair and blue eyes. You idiot sub is i ah now we're gonna shut up. Stop myself dude. I gotta stop myself because there's there's some racist people out there that they're they're jesus is blond hair blue eyes and i'm like idiots does way he wasn't a middle eastern all we you know and i look at these people like and you hate eight middle eastern around that yeah i mean you know i'm not going to agree with a lot of people but i'd like you to come out and pay for my show but yeah i mean i told my mom i like i heard the concept somehow of reincarnation and i became obsessed with my mom because she grew up in a stringent like a strict richt irish catholic household she went to school. She got the shit kicked out of her by nuns. She wanted to give me a lot of options and teach me about a lot of stuff so she got me. You know buddhism awesome coloring books and all this kind of stuff to like really pique my curiosity and then when i was ten i learned about the civil rights movement in school and i had such a visceral emotional national reaction to it that i came home and i told my mom it's because i was martin luther king junior reincarnate. She was like you know of course horrified horrified at like oh wow okay. This is what your son results in. I want to believe in reincarnation but <hes> a little breath a little selfish and love my life and what scares me about reincarnation. Is i come back as something else that i don't wanna be at. Least you have the no memory but that's okay. That'll have unless you go to some votive. Lady in new orleans arneses what you were in the past and i mean you're you know a successful stand up comic and now now magin. You're reincarnated now. You're i don't want to mention anything because i'm going to piss people off but something terrible and that's what scares me your coordinates yeah. Ah you know what i probably deserved part of my point where it's like. I know it's offensive to say the greatest civil rights leader of all time came back as a white upper middle class ten year old boy. That's what if you believe in reincarnation than you believe in karma so he earned it up and you know when you when you do those dna tests everyone's everyone's related to someone really famous from the past show. It's like horse shit. How's your <hes>. How's your dad with being a grandfather and all that he's not arrived and told them i'm about it. I mean he knows but he hasn't met him and i haven't spoken to him. It's a it's a whole long thing where some shit he just is consistently disappointing in every facet of being a father and i think that <hes> for whatever reason is a good thing for me because i'm gonna be you effectively communicate with my son and the feelings i have for him already. Make me even more confused as to how my relationship with my dad got to this point but all it does is like make me kind of block out what's not important which is that and just focus all of my positive energy into this kid. I got i got week when i became a father. I called my mom for the first time in a few years and to be honest. I had a moment and my dad wasn't around to see this and all that stuff is you kalma but now i'm back to not seeing or and i got my walls up and my you now my boundaries and all that so i find nothing wrong with that now. We're different people but i i do have to tell you this because you're my friend as your kid gets older yeah. You're gonna get mad yeah not at your kid. You're going to get mad at the fact like how could anyone treat. This kid badly adly yeah. Oh i'm already there you are. I'm already there yeah the moment i saw him and the flood of emotions that okay i <hes> it. I snapped done a security guard the night my kid was born. I mean she also was yelling at my sisters and i three of us in the hallway at two a._m. At mount sinai west the only only people out there crying and laughing and celebrating. She's like being a fire hazard and showed up your whole fucking freaked out but i i was like oh yeah. I have that feeling you know. It's it's it's as palpable is love with with my kids. You know they'll they'll do kid things and i'm their parent and i got to discipline them and stuff but then i get triggered because i remember being a kid i remember being nine at this point and how my mom handled. Thanks so now i look at my son and i can't even imagine doing to him. My mom did to me right right so i get these little triggers every once in a while. We're almost like start shaking a little bit like and i almost want to tell them. Why did we just listen to me. Do you understand what would have happened to me if i did what you're doing right now so just be not aware of. That sounds like you already. I can't wait to have those conversations with them on a level playing field where you know i inform him of our past most of the you know genetic stock that we come from because i wasn't aware that we had a long line of mental illness in my family. I wasn't aware that a lot of the men in my family were super abusive and depressed and didn't know how to like even acknowledged. They're feeling so. I felt like i was a fucking psychopath when i started going through those things yeah but you know food from learning from that and hearing about my history my family's history and then you know facing it head on myself. It makes me excited to break that chain. You know what i mean to to just be like hey. This is our honest thing. It's like not just saying addiction runs in our in our family. Don't you dare drink. That's not it. It's hey this is what this is what our family has been through. These are the type of people that <hes> that spawned they are good people at their core but they had an absolute inability to focus focused or deal with their emotion and their the abuses of themselves now. That's great awareness mike cannon so. How do you get to to that place because you probably could help some people out there because there's a lot of people that they do exactly what their parents did to them. Yeah my whole thing is me and my wife yoga by but it is the truth. I'm mike love. We're gonna fuck up our kids yeah. There's no doubt about it. They're going to therapy someday and the world will and the world will yeah. My whole goal is really lee simple fucked them up in new yeah. That's it yeah yeah yeah. I'm going to try my best yeah. I'd really want to be a a good parent. I think i am but in the end even if you do a great job you're gonna you know something is going to go wrong but i don't want to do the same shit that happened to me. That's my whole goal yeah and that's a it's a scary thing because even even with my awareness i could still subconsciously fall into that trap right so it's it's a constant checking of myself. It's me you know being like. Where does this come from. Why am i feeling this way. If i get angry snap like on a on a snap i'm taking a break for a second like and not reacting how i would normally because i just want to figure it out before i react in the classic canon wet yeah yeah you know what i mean so it is a constant internal audit. I'm not saying i'm going to be perfect. I know for a fact. I'm gonna fuck up but the best possible thing that i can do is be as honest and communicative initiative as possible because that's the only way it can get better yeah you know. I don't know if you can beat genetics but i'm gonna fuck dry. I think you're take your all right all right. I think you all right well. This was a great conversation <music>. I is is man. I i know you've got spots to do and i said this off mike. I want to say it on mike. I don't listen to podcasts. I said this about just cursing. She started started and we finally mad and she did my podcast and we we became instant friends. Yeah and i really like podcast because she's doing a different and i gotta say the same thing <hes> about you like when when i have someone like you on the show i go back and listen to some episodes you know because i don't listen to podcasts in general i. I really like what you're doing. Oh man irish goodbyes really thanks so. I love how you ended by the way i'm like wait. Where did they go popeye hands on my fucking brilliant that me that means the world to me dude. I've been listening to you since i was a fucking kid so it's it's still surreal that we couldn't say they like a teenager or teenagers or so. The the podcast is the irish goodbye. It's really i think i'm gonna listen to more episodes so even though you know i i listened to prepare appreciate it. I told the whole story on <hes> episode. That's coming out this monday. It'll be the most recent wow nice and i cry a couple of times during this is this is a little more rehearse gathered. This was like this days ago and i was just a whimpering mess. I'm not gonna lie to you. Win ended up when i became a father might get him on the podcast immediately. He'll cry this is me with my thoughts collected and and one other thing and then we can wrap are are they trying to remove you from your podcast for being offensive. What's the story there for me. Yeah no no. I mean my old one that conspiracy spiracy one. They tried to get me. Oh okay yeah well. You want it off that podcast. I was actually i reposted the post because i was like please uh-huh signed this fucking. Gladly get the hell out of this show. Did you see the flatter documentary yeah the fucking mike. My ex co host was in it was he. He didn't have a big part but dave weiss he he has a podcast called the flatter podcast. I don't listen to it but read the comments the reviews it's very fun but you they basically rehash how everybody that thinks earth is around as a retard but he i i it's great i i wasn't gonna go conspiracy banal i second the people that i believe that the earth is flat today actually believe or do they want to belong to something and this is their way of belonging to a group. I think it's a bit of both certainly some people but then i feel like the majority of the people that believe that really just wanna be decks yeah and want to be part of something and they know you know when they go to sleep at night that it's all all bullshit was a red sox fan for a year because my all my buddies were yankee vince and i didn't care about baseball so all i wanted to do was piss them off and just be and just be a dick yeah so i i then like actually started liking the red sox because it was fun to be part of that to annoy my friend nice so yeah yeah i think i think it's like a similar you know and a lot of people are looking for community. It's the same as religion right. I have four football teams. Yeah well three actually three therefore i forget now well they try to they. Try to throw miami in their my my father who's actually a hardcore philly guy. He loves the dolphins over the eagles crazy but but i it drives people not so when i drive people not lava yeah so you know born and raised on long island. Some jets fan yeah. I i did a lot of radio west genesee. Oh i've lived in rochester did radio and then i lived in buffalo so yes. I was a bills fan. How could i not be see that turned me against the bills being at genesee really where the actually only team that i can plays a new york like new york jerseys more new york than this fucking blythe so then i became a bills fan jets fan pills fan and i went to all the jets bills games. I was really confused. I didn't know i got a little weird and then i lived in boston during couple. They're super deals with <hes> with bill parcells and <hes> what's his name before brady who was quarterback before brady not blood center but so thank you so because my boss nears. I'm kind of a patriots fan. People think i'm just bullshitting making this up to be addicted. Ah i really am a jets bills patriots fan and then they try to add the dolphins because of my father in law and my brother laws both they all like the dolphins but it could relate to be an addict but in this case it's the truth yeah one other thing so you almost got robbed by magicians jordan he ever heard that story that we to wrap up with this so i went to perform you know in the middle east and one of our first nights we were out. We went out to get some food in a was it is is that a book with no a buddhist bali <hes> amman right yeah yeah amman jordan which is their capital and we went to eat and gary v dr hilarious stand stand up comedian got surrounded by like eleven street magicians all dressed like aladdin like in zero irony whatsoever and they're like doing doing sleight of hand trickery so we just assumed they were running his pockets and we get there and they're just the most enthusiastic legitimate magicians we've ever met. They really wanted to entertain some americans endearing and you're paranoid. It literally kept my hand in my pocket and then afterwards afterwards. I gave them like four million in their money. Go those great anything you want to promote their mike cannon <hes> for dates. Just go to mike cannon comedy ready dot com all over the road i'm doing d._c. Philly oh if this is out by the twenty fifth of august but of course how awesome portland maine that's a big one. I'll be at a empire theatre. It's a door deal so please don't make me lose my shirt. Come out to that the twenty fifth again tickets at mike cannon comedy dot com. I got philly d._c. Chicago all coming up yeah. It's gonna be great. It's been great to watch your career from afar thank you. I i kind of watch from afar but i see you moving up and it's awesome to see you appreciate really entertaining and you're a good conversationalist least thank you. Can you tell me what pot smoking and all right. I think we're done man. I wanna thank matt in the gang here. Get yeah part for having us. Ed cool join the best. Yes superfund but you didn't drink or anything but maybe next time who knows i might you know this might not last forever. I'll really already like i said it's all open. If you i mean you haven't drank in seven or eight months but you still doing pot and then you're probably probably dip in insurance and all that i haven't. I feel like i'm good yeah. Alcohol is evil men really is it's fucking evil and my it doesn't work as good a really yeah. That's the first too young for that shit on no. That's why boozers the double my dick and tongue lazy i mean i i'll get political for one more second here but i mean we live in a society where i mean. We're finally getting there with marijuana. It's going to be you know legal everywhere within a mere couple blazers but to wait this long to have marijuana illegal and alcohol league. It's just it's garbage. They just can't they just got to get the whole business model ready before they unleash it of course so they can take alcohol should have been the thing that was illegal and while we saw what happened with that well yeah babylon. Thank you so much. Thank you matt in the gang gephardt's. Thanks to mike sappho it old friends stop by your fucking say hi on my podcast you son of a bit it i shall remain nameless. He's why i don't know yeah i i used to work with this guy at another company and we're still friends and i'm bleeding from something right. I got to figure out why bleeding guys thank you so much for listening to the opium. Radio podcasts hope you enjoyed it. Join the facebook group opie radio fans. I believe yvonne facebook and instagram opie radio twitter opie radio. You wanna promote a instagram or twitter at my cannon all right cool. I need a band mandate. That's for listening. Thank you very much for avenue.

Coming up next