0157: Surviving Thanksgiving with Trump Supporters (11/19/2018)
Are you? Hey, everyone. This is Kelly with two broads talking politics. I am on in this episode with Brian hearts burger, who's a psychologist. Hi, brian. All right. How're you doing today? Great. So some of you may have caught a video episode that Brandon I did about self care. But now since we're here during thanksgiving week, we're gonna talk some about a talking other people and people you might not agree with Brian May be for people who did not catch the video episode, which they should go back, and do can you talk a little bit about your background. So I'm a clinical psychologist, I'm west and Massachusetts, I have a doctorate in clinical psychology. And I am currently in private practice. We did something like this last year before thanksgiving. But I thought it would be good to do again as the holidays are coming up because a lot of people may be having dinner. With family both thanksgiving. And and in the December holidays with people who they maybe don't see all the time people who may have different opinions than they do. Luckily for me, this is not a problem. My family. At least the very close family that I will be with things giving is all politically lake me. But I know that case for everybody. I actually have to go across political boundaries myself. This this thanksgiving, I have a lot of distant relatives coming off. And they're in terra. Sarah, and Pennsylvania. So we're going to be having to learn how to kind of settle our differences that cable, and she if maybe we can table, politics or not. Well, no. But it's my for a into having to negotiate with topics outside of my comfort zone. I guess being in a place outside of my bubble. Yes. So I guess that's the thing that people sort of have to tackle. I is. You know, do you assuming you're close enough to people that you still want to see them, maybe hold political beliefs that are different than yours or other kind of beliefs that are different than yours is, you know, do you sort of address things head on and talk about optics that are difficult or do you try to, you know, avoid those topics altogether. Do you think there is one way or another? That's better is this something people should just feel out for themselves. I think it's all so this is the typical therapist and just punting and saying it's all case. But for the most part, I think that that you really have to do is. Kind of huddled around the land people, and and kind of have one being grief at the end asking me how win how things will how issues were settled how they weren't settled. But initially trying to find your own tried if you will and just kind of prepping them that they're gonna be experiencing or can experience some comfortable discourse point of us that may not be to them and actually be offense. But just trying to figure out outs, you reason with sometimes unreasonable people, you know, that's always the challenge. So I mean, I I wouldn't take feel it out to be to insure question. But it you can't own stations a hundred or and blind all the time. Because one of the worst thing that you can really do is be offered and kind of experience upper -tunities where your emotions getting into the conversation, you you don't wanna be that person thanksgiving that cr-. Creates a. I I would say no matter what you do. Don't Josh and return anger with anger. So trying your best to everyone to keep our oceans in check with probably the best thing to do front. Are there times that you would recommend that someone walk away either from a conversation or even from a, you know, the place where they are if they need to think an escape plan should always happen social anxiety. So one of the happens to me when I walk into a room is I gotta figure out any plan, you know, whether that the old French exit or there's something else. So I think really important thing to do in these kind of situations as weren't how to set limits. You know, just be like, well, if if there's this battery that they're gonna cross whether it be to a few or or something about pro choice, you know, I would just like, you know, this isn't even a conversation worth having right now because it's just all going to. Be. It's just gonna has a potential s quick. So if there are any news for you. You know, be aware of it be like, this isn't even worth it. I might need to go and get second or find a dog to pet. But yeah, I I think that you know, you're gonna have to figure out when you're in that room. Okay. Tolerate what can't tolerate where can you be? It becomes intolerable. I recommend having a baby that needs to be breastfed 'cause that's an easy escape. That that would be great, you know, like kinda distractions good or try prep years off and changing topics. Maybe introducing new conversation altogether. That would be a good strategy for sure. I mean, really babies are great, you know, whether or not your breast feeding babies are just terrific for like breaking up go up. They gotta be changed. They gotta be fed. They gotta be. They're great. You know, that's kind of like a common ground, and those are some of the things that you really need to look for it ever. There's baby in need. Everyone can kind of gravitate and hover around that and recognize that so sometimes traditions that people haven't thanksgiving, you know, there is that sense of common ground, so maybe focusing on that as well. Agreed. You of this of thanksgiving and trying to deal with people with different ideas. Hasim bilteral at the C. There's this amazing talk that I had a chance to be a part of about a month ago by the psychologist whose name is Charlie cancer. And he started talking about all ways to disarm conversation discussions that seemed to be very sick. And of course, the thing that really points to is at the there's organizations like angels where they try to create reasonable discourse between hard right into. Visuals. So I think look up at our angels dot org as a reference or resource for you, maybe to learn how to bring up certain talking points that might be able to help people find common ground. So you think it's worth it for people to try to change people's minds. You know, is this an opportunity thrown that many times in our society right now when people in the far, right and the far left are in the same room together. Should we take those moments to to try to change people's minds, or is it better to sort of? You know, find things that we all are ready agree on. Yeah. You're not gonna get any. So just focus on the pie is what you're saying. Actually, I mean, let's be whenever there's an opportunity where people have or people get to be family members. It's going to be tense. So I mean it plays. They're going to introduce alcohol into play. So some people might feel over loose to talk about some controversial issues within the family. I don't think you wanna add fuel to your fire and start bringing up. Why conservatives view things you can you can extrapol- what I mean from that. But I think it's just best for people to really kind of limit. How much drinking that they're doing to be aware of it? It'd be ten all ready. I know that you can't discuss individual patients. But do you find that the holidays are a cause of stress in general for people? Yeah. I mean, absolutely. The thing about the holidays is it does have this great ability to bring families together certain families are dysfunctional and. I'm to have certain holiday traditions, and it usually goes awry, so a lot of patients that I have to kind of mentally and psychologically prepare themselves to experience this kind of force chaos during these times and oftentimes holidays specifically thanksgiving and Christmas and general are popular times to mourn to grieve sometimes lost loved ones or even pets that have been around in the family may not be there. So oftentimes, there can be people that all notice a missing person at the table and people are usually in different stages of their own grieving so just because in that, especially if you notice that politics is being brought to the table. Maybe a person is experiencing a great deal of depression or anger, just back that there's not a person that they were at the. Additive? And the last thing that they need is controversial topic brought up if experiencing these things during the holidays starts to help people realize that in fact, they need to get help with their own mental health is there a website or a guide or something that would point people through the steps of of seeking help. So I think one of the best places to start looking for for providers would just be doing a quick Google search if there's anything for support for the holidays, I don't know anything off the top of my head. But if they do recognize that it's it's a big problem. And they anticipate that it's going to be something that's going to get in the way of the things that they ought to do over the holidays. Hop on psychology today. They have an excellent referral west of individuals. Unfortunately, psychotherapy is more or less a privilege right now, you have clinicians that have extremely long weightless. They only accept. Certain insurances, and it can be a challenge. So you really have to be invested in the process of finding therapists. That's good for you. And that also might be just finding someone that really understands what it's like there is a lot of hard work and a lot of that work goes on in between sessions. So I I hope that in a person's had they can go through an inventory of how much time how much money and how much energy they're really looking forward to to investing and trying to create positive behavior change. It's it's a really really grueling process. And it it might not be pleasant especially with the first few sessions, but hopefully, maybe experiencing all sectors disorder, or that can be experiencing complicated grief. Do the promoters such as holiday as they do seek out some professional help. And if they want to I'm on Twitter at psych hype. And if you really need some assistance trying to end providers just d. Me, and I'll do my best to try to point you in the right direction. Is there anything else that you wanna make sure that we talk about the best thing that we can really do dealing with these really really times both around the holidays with people were not really from there. West is just make sure that you discharge your stress, and you find a way to get rid of it. So kind of taking care of yourself is this is a great opportunity to plug our last conversation that we had with self care, although it's not with Syndey, but it's a need for us of mental health. Check for ourselves. What what kind of areas of need? We're facing right now, how we best those things I wanna make a plug to a for people this isn't directly related to our conversation. But is another thing for people to keep in mind. If they're going to other people's houses for the holidays, if you're not aware of if the other house, if they have guns or how they store their guns. Moms. Action has a great website that can help navigate those issues for you, a be smart for kids dot org. And so that's just a a really important thing to around holidays. When you're in a lot of homes with that, you might not be in that often, and we'll put a link for that on our website as well. This is great. I'm just looking at it right now amongst Mandak and puts it out. And so I always liked to to point to it. Anytime people talk about not knowing how to have conversations with family members or potential play dates or things about whether their guns in the home. Thanks for bringing that up. I can about pictures one thing. But when you have a firearm in the house, that's definitely something to be definitely a causes concerned. Yeah. Well, Bryan, thank you for talking with us about this. I know hope that everybody has wonderful thanksgiving. We haven't scared you away from enjoying your thanksgiving dinner. But I know it it's it's a cause of concern. For people in. So wanna make sure they have some some tools going into? What may be an otherwise uncomfortable dinner? Absolutely. I hope you enjoy some Turkey. I I'm a vegetarian. So I will enjoy tofurkey. Cool along with and wine and sweet potatoes. All because stuff to maybe we should have also done enough Assode on how not to overeat. Yeah. Everyone. Go ahead over eat on thanksgiving. And maybe we'll be back next week on how to start good healthy habits. For treat yourself. Thanks for listening to to broads talking politics. Are theme song is called. Are. You listening off of the album elephant shaped trees by the band, immune ary, and we're using it with permission of the band our logo and other original artwork is by Matthew Westland and was created for use by this podcast.