This episode is sponsored by my Go-to stop for all things makeup revlon. Hey Hey everybody I'm Ashley Graham and this is pretty big deal. Where confidence is key? Every episode I get to pick the brains of brilliant inspiring honest new and old friends. Who are a pretty big deal today? We are talking to the hilarious. Whitney Cummings Whitney is a comedian. Actress Writer Director Producer Show runner author and most recently podcast Sir and this episode. We talk about comedy co-dependency and so much more baser coming on my show great. I can't believe you're so beautiful. You're so pretty I think you do. People always screw up when they talk about how pretty you are. Well almost say so. You're almost pretty young person but then it was like I don't know no you want to hear as beautiful in person note first of all I always get. Oh you're not as big as I thought what you were right. Would you get I get. Don't listen to them. They're just jealous and I'm like who's them who because people listen listen to the haters. What haters Oh okay? This is because people with that's the worst thing have they'll just come up to you and start talking shit about my own friends. They'll name a female comedian. Aren't even thinks it's funny now. My friends like we don't all hate each other or they'll start insulting my friends or something like that. Oh I think you're hilarious. Don't you listen to them. Oh my God about your character and your job and I do have a theory though that it whenever someone comes up to you in public the I two things they say are complement. The third thing is always an insult. Get out after the second thing. I'll give you love you. You're so gorgeous urges. You're not as big in person. Whatever right right hang is always the third thing? No you're so yeah so correct. I do think though that with instagram. Now with podcast. Now people feel very close to you and they feel like your friends you know. They've heard you they've listened to you for. What do you like twenty hours? You like it sometimes. It is stressful. Because you're like throws you when someone just comes up to you in the airport it's like. Hey how's your knee. You're like how did you know about my. Oh right I talked to. You know like it's definitely a little bit jarring. Sometimes I think a comedian. Having an authentic connection with people is helpful. You are the epitome of a a multi hyphen it multi personnel. So you are you're you are. I mean I was just I was just saying all your accolades accolades just here right now. Because I do a little prerecord and I got to say all of them and I got a little bit out of breath but when somebody comes to you and ask you what do you do. What's the first thing that you say? Don't you know oh comes up to me. I'm like what do you think I I you you tell me why did you recognize me I. I'm a comedian okay. I'm a stand up comedian. That's that's my bread and butter. That's the thing that I care the most about it. Then I feel the most qualified to do and the other stuff I just felt like. I don't WanNA say digressions from being but just sort of like natural progressions from doing standup and I think one of the hardest things these days you know with a lot of the women in comedy. It's not about what to do. It's about what not to do. Want to figure out. What in your timeline? You should do it. You know based on your self care or the kind of life you WanNa have you know. It's like okay here all the things I WANNA do. I'll do this. I'll tour for the next five years. Then I'll and do a talk show then I'll do it to have a child and I wanNA work different. You know like I'm really trying to be careful. About how multi hyphenated I am I am and when are you doing the right thing for yourself right now all your no. I'm trying succeeding know. I know people say that I'm like Oh God because I'm like I feel like I'm giving thirty percents. Everything and I would like to make you know. I think I was doing so many things in my late twenties early thirties. Because I was afraid I'd never got the opportunity again. I was always told you. Don't say no you just keep saying yeah and I'm and it's kind of the same response and then then you get to have the opportunity later to say no right are you're in that position now. I think and I think for me the thing that's been working as yes but not right right now you know that yes. That's something I want to do but I want to be able to do it really well. And with eight hours of sleep and with joy and ease 'cause you know what thresholds aren't that's right. I do you wish you had that advice when you were younger guests. I wish I wish someone had said you know what this might be too much for you or for in this iteration you might not have things like balance or things like life experience which is going to make your art better you know so. I remember sitting the Writers Room I was doing three shows at the time and a writer was pitching on a story idea for my character to go to a baby shower and I was like people are going to baby baby showers. Like would that's ridiculous and they're like no you'd because you don't have a live so when you want to be creative but you don't have a life it's really hard to pitch on stuff. It's really hard to Right authentic stories that resonate The people that do have lives Greeks. You know so Workaho as I think. Sometimes tends tends to compromise or creativity. You know I now understand. I wish someone had explained this to me sooner. That art imitates life but in order for our imitate life. You have to have a life you have to have for life you have to have so many comments on. You have to have something to criticize so I now understand that it gives you on a writer's room on a TV show. You let your ready to go home at five o'clock you don't stay till midnight. 'cause you want want them to go home and fight with their girlfriends and fight with their husbands to get inspired. Come back the next day stories. That's good advice. Just I think I just thought work work work work work at all costs spending. You're sitting there and you're like no one wants to hear stories about work life and I didn't understand that until relatively recently that's amazing so but it alls i. I started back in the day. Here you are. You're at your head also modeling at the local Mall King of Prussia. How loking appreciate you live in Delaware? I took the bus to King of Prussia Mall and I would walk around in bridal gowns up and down. The escalators always got caught and I would do fit modeling. which is when people come and they don't want to try it on they? Can you tried to stuff on and then I would model pantyhose. Which means I would stand on a block with pantyhose fan and a white shirt that went like down to here and I would just like a button down? Yeah Oh you didn't do this to new potential. Sounds so degrading grants. Oh my God. Yes how were you getting paid one hundred fifteen dollars an hour which was a big deal for me and you had to come with your own hair and makeup done. o course they gave you like the Bobby Brown own instructions so yeah I had to go spend three hundred dollars on makeup to make hundred. Cost me money to do my Gosh but you were doing this. While you're going to Penn.. Yes and you got through Penn in three years I did people are like you're so smart I was poor. I think I missed a lot of the social experience of being in college. Would you think you missed because I didn't go to college you know. Look I don't know I'M GONNA get in trouble for saying this but I do think Ivy League schools are kind of like a eugenics program. Yeah I mean I guess it is. The idea is to meet a bunch of people. Sorry legal To meet not that sorry to meet a bunch of people who you're going to marry or develop start businesses with and sororities and fraternities. I never did any of that but I was like I gotta work. I gotta get Outta here and I knew that I was going to be a performer and I had a fear in me which actually don't have anymore now that I've actually been in this business. Believe it or not but I had this fear that was like you can't be on camera if you're old so you gotTa Oughta go. I had that fear in my brain very early but a lot of performers thinker told that this was before high television. I was already worried about it. Like you need to make it. While you're young while you'll still be higher interest. Yeah which is with that in your mind. I don't know the movie Sunset Boulevard. I've gotten that as a child. I mean I grew up in DC. And I just knew I was like you're there's a day where you'll be old. My mom was very very beautiful and her looks were very important important to her and a very young age. I saw wrinkle creams. I saw masks. I saw a nervousness about I saw this and yeah isn't that interesting parents put on us and I don't think she was even thinking about. She was in her. Yeah and I didn't. I lived with her single mom and we didn't have a lot of like TV and I was bored and I would go into her bathroom and put makeup on and it was like anti wrinkle. Anti wrinkle anti wrinkle. It got in my head and I don't blame her for it in that time. You're looks as a woman was kind of all you did have so good for her for you. Know whatever currency she had and hustling as she worked at Neiman. Marcus and Bloomingdale's and we're going to discount so she'd come home with these very fancy creams and I will but I started thinking about that at a very young age which breaks my heart on some level but I remember having that at a very young age that it is interesting. It's interesting that you even bring that up. Do you want to. Are you planning on being a mother. Someday I am. I froze my eggs shit on ice in Redondo beach which is a big process. Can you walk us through the yes I can you kidding i. I can so a brilliant writer named Dana Fox. We were on the set of a movie and she was a unique to freeze your eggs and I was like slaves crazy. How old are you and I I was I want to save? Twenty eight twenty seven maybe even maybe younger twenty seven or twenty. I didn't do it for five more years. Okay but she put this thing in my head that it was like okay. You're gonNA freeze your eggs when you get a chance. She said something that really as someone who grew up without health insurance and car insurance. There's always like any time something went wrong. It was like a saga August financially. And I remember she was like getting insurance. Even if you don't use them you know you have them and you're gonNa make better decisions because you have them on ice and I remember going okay. Hey I like that. I like that and when I was thirty three I did it. And the way that my fertility doctor explained it he really helped me he just was like look look. This might not be for your first kid or your second kid. This might be for when you're forty two or forty three and you're like what let's do one more. That's I hadn't heard that yet. That is what made me go. Ah Okay you're not telling me. I can't conceive at thirty six or thirty seven. You're not telling me I'm my uterus is molding like this is okay. I can hear that this is about just good planning and I'm very like I like to plan because I think planning is freedom. I also found myself around thirty thirty one years old lowering my standards for guys because I felt the ticking clock and I was like ads fine. What's three ex wives since you're excused? You don't like totally totally doesn't have a job. What some Guy With Three D. U. is? I'm so judgmental found myself. You know lowering my standard because that fear started creeping in studio. You start doing that math okay. If we go on day tomorrow in a year we'll move in together and then we have to get married. I just that you know and I was doing that and I was reading. I'll be thirty five. And then what if and I was also hearing a lot about women who were trying so hard to conceive the second they stopped trying. Yeah I don't know the science illness this correct me in the comments but there is something about our bodies when we stopped releasing cortisol and adrenaline. We can conceive better because our bodies body's not in fight or flight trying so hard to conceive right right so a lot of women that I heard eggs. They had an easier time conceiving solely because they had an insurance policy. Let's see we can always use X.. So here you are. You got your insurance policy pressure off. We only just more pressure so once I found out how much money it was. I felt a different kind of pressure pressure but I also felt like this is an investment in myself. This is a business decision. It is such a miracle what happens to your psyche. When you freeze your eggs it I started booking tours? I started you know being relationships not out of fear I might standards for a guy went up. It was miraculous. took away this timeline. And this a couple of years to find the person see you are smart. You're got into you know it. It was a very fear based decision that ended up alleviating my fears. You know the only thing that bound me out. I got a little bit of fight of a fight with fertility doctors. Because he was like. Oh you know so if you have you a kid thirty-seven geriatric pregnancy and I was like let me stop you right there. Apparently anything after thirty five. They call geriatric. Yes I've heard this. I've heard all of like I know way more about pregnancy. Now than I I ever since this on Mike Learn something about but this is this is awesome and do more people need to be taught people need to be talking about. I think there's there's maternity leave there can also be freezing. Leave you get more money as as a company as if you let your employees freeze their eggs and arranged for that time off. Because that's the this is the thing nobody told me about egg freezing. It is relatively time consuming. You know you gotta go in and get those sonograms every other day. Is You know everything properly. I don't know the terms. You GotTa Bring Your Shot Rat with you. It's kind of fun to just feels kind of bad to be like stabbing yourself in the stomach all the time and then you have to go get them extracted so it was for me like three to four month the process and I remember being in the car like crying just being leg shows Sabir told me and here I am. You know. 'cause biology a sexist list. It is but you're also a huge fan of the brain. I think it was a disgrace that we are not taught the way our brains work work the chemicals and neuro chemicals that we emit because when women emit certain chemicals were called crazy and psycho and insane and women take that shame on and they take that to mean that they've failed in some way or they're crazy and they internalize that narrative. And I just I made a movie about Corologis because I really wanted to show women and men to be able to go. I'm not crazy I'm just omitting adrenaline and Cortisol female brain and this is a fighter physics. The name of Hercules. Yes the female brain and I wrote it. With Neal Brennan co-creator Chapelle show brilliant comedian. So great so it's very balanced. It's not like a lady movie. I have men coming up to me on the street going. This movie saved my marriage because I now understand that when my wife freaks out she's Adrenal is producing cortisol and I say you know let's talking three days as when cortisol has worn off developing of vocabulary for Noor Chemicals. I just think it's such a shame that we don't learn that you're saving marriages and relationships. Eh broken up a couple to Joe I love you know. Yeah I just I get very defensive when Glenn Women are called crazy or insane or psycho or any micromanage sensitive. I think it's really important to learn the evolution of the brain. Gene epigenetics EPA genetic. Imprinting you know. Can you tell me about this. Attic imprinting is so important because it sounds it sounds nice I like it I like told me about how the chemicals that the mother releases while the fetus this is in Utero. The fetus becomes addicted to those chemicals. Okay so give me an example so I found myself as a teenager constantly being attracted attracted to dramatic situations dramatic relationship all the gossip on the playground and then into my twenties dating really unavailable people people that call it caused me adrenaline cheat on me. Whatever and then I started learning about EPA genetic imprinting which is when the neuro chemicals of the mother are omitted in Utero? The child is born addicted addicted to those chemicals so I was born addicted to cortisol and adrenaline. My mother was in a really bad marriage. When I was conceived? So chances are I came out of the womb. I like that whatever. The mother is addicted to is passed into the neurochemical so the brain and that liberated me from going okay. What's nature and what's nurture some some of these things I can? That are my part. I need to go to therapy. I need to fix that thing but also I got this honestly this adrenaline addiction because adrenaline turns into dopamine. It's like a drug Drama is like a drug and I became addicted to it and my mom's belly and it's not my fault and I can now have my brain twos who's changed my tolerance to adrenaline. So okay to question. Yes ma'am do you blame your mother and how do you deal with it. I don't blame my mother. I have nothing but compassion for my mother mother because that's beautiful not only compassionate such it makes me feel a little bit better reckless forgiveness because that generation didn't know they didn't have the tools and the science wasn't even available back. Then you know and the fact that she was staying in a chaotic relationship to try to keep things serene with her kids in to try to protect her kids breaks my heart every day. You know because it's it's just a reminder that when we take care of ourselves we actually take care of everybody else you know her instinct was gotta take care of. The kids. Got To to stay in this chaotic relationship and then the tragic irony is that that actually is you know sometimes harder and how do you deal with all of these issues now today. Yeah I mean I did after I learned about neurology because both my parents had strokes and so I had to talk neurologist. All Day every day to understand what happened I have a lot of addiction in my family as well. Well and when you're struggling with you know people that you love that are suffering addiction and learning about neurology and addiction. Works is the only thing that will stop your heart from getting broken every day so I had this kind of crash course in how to hack your brain so for me. I worked so hard to stay away from dramatic situations to lower my adrenaline in cortisol levels. I try to stay instagram. I try to stay off gossip sites I I was gonna say like instagram kind of I mean constantly. Try to self-doubt southwards. Who is this person dating me up? I I have someone that handles your social do good for someone. I outsource. Outsource it to somebody else's a form of self care I put my phone Gray scale which makes it black and white a lot of addictive about it is the color. Oh I know no. I didn't even know you were this ten Jimmy Cocoa Spray Tan allow. No right Jimmy Coco. I'm fine I just have to accept Ed and you'll just look so healthy like you sleep. Well no I'm not sleeping. Is it hard to sleep with that. Yeah you have like a body pillow. Oh God and my husband. He's he's like anymore. I'm like I'M A. I'm terrified of being pregnant. I know uh-huh epigenetics terrified. 'cause I'm like no one can trust me out when I'm pregnant but it isn't stressed out because it does like you said Goto the baby and like people have told me like don't in stressful situations. But I work out. I try to eat. Well I am going with my cravings. My cravings have been really healthy which is a blessing. And I'm just trying to work. We're can stay focused. Yeah and also like gain information about my baby but the I try to step away from fear because this is just this has been going on like this is how we got here thousands of years right before and it's going to continue to do this without doctors and now documentary that Ricky Lake did the the business you have to watch. It is so good. I read the Niamey Wolf Book about the Force Assyrian Sections and stuff and I almost had a heart attack. It is really ridiculous. How Syrians are a business? Yes unless I mean there are the moments where like you have to have them. But it's a business right and so you and you have no fear around this so after seeing the documentary now I just want to have an at home birth like I wanna be able to stand and squat and push my baby out and pull it out out of me and put it right on my chest by it out. Is that how it works. Yeah you push the head out and then as the shoulders kind of coming out. They're like okay. Go down and pull your baby out. And then you like you're squatting pull it out and you're like a miracle you're just like glad you're alive. I know people kissed their babies and their lips get stuck up to the faces like the Christmas story like the tongue and the phone poll will not that stuck But we could probably go for but I. This is so wonderful to see the and I think that like visibility for women that are pregnant while they're working is so important because I just my still having my head you have to stop down for a year. No that's that's an old story that I have in my head. I had that too. I had it too and I had like you have to have a baby in a hospital. You have to have all those things. I am working up until this due date and then after that I'm gonNA take like eight weeks off this. We're just GONNA go from there. I'm going to have a kid on my tent. We're just GONNA GO YUP Yup. This is very exciting inspire. I I just think the pregnant I can hardly carry a purse. You'll be fine. I WanNa talk about your book and other stories or other lives other law. There's so many lies a lot litany of life. But I like how you're so open about codependency. Thank you and I feel like my readers. My readers reading you guys let I feel like my viewers and listeners audio books most people get the audio but I feel like they can really learn something from your experiences. co-dependency you know. I've been so public about it because I think it is it. Is this epidemic that sort of everywhere but hard to identify and it's part of the narrative of I'm just crazy I'm a psycho and a lot of people who are codependent. Are the type of people all who wouldn't occur to them to think about themselves because we are the type of people pleasers who are only thinking about others. Rescuing martyring explain like what some examples are sure. So we're like what exactly it is like charcoal definition so codependency the definition that I work off of which I didn't make up. It is the inability to tolerate the discomfort of others. Yes a lot of people. Think of co-dependency couples who can't stop hanging out. That could be that. But that's also a litany of other things but if you find yourself self obsessed with someone else's perception of you if you find yourself thinking that you know you need to take care of other people's feelings if you have a hard time saying no if you find yourself being addicted a to control always needing to control a situation if you find yourself embarrassed about other people's behavior you think you need to take care of everybody and deal with their consequences on the consequences of others if you find yourself in relationships or friendships that don't really make you feel good but you feel you have to stay in them. Codependence use words like we have to go to this thing. I have to get him a gift have to go to this party. We do a lot of things out of obligation because we're worried that we're going to lose the approval of others or not be like if we don't go. We put everybody else's needs ahead of our own. So when did you find out that you had codependency. I really put it together when I was became a boss for the first time time and I found that I was hiring all my friends even though none of them were qualified and I was trying to help you know yes I wanNA give everybody a job which there's something to be said for that you know and I still am able to do that. A heart of gold foil but now but that doesn't ultimately end up being the kind thing to do because it blows up and becomes a big mess and that person doesn't learn about earning it and consequences and what have you so I've learned that we take care of everybody. We'll take care of ourselves and that you know we don't bring personal feelings into work and we don't do things out of guilt obligation and we don't confuse love with pity. Sometimes we we do things out of pity instead of out of mutual respect or we conflate love and pity and kindness is not always kind right and being nice as not always being nice so here you are. You're a boss. So when we do a nice thing and hire someone that shouldn't necessarily have the job and then we resent them the whole time because they're not doing it right and then everybody else on staff has to clean up the mess. That's not really kind as an. It's making a big mess because you wanna be like or you want to do the Nice thing so that was tricky. I found myself not being able to fire people. I found myself not being L. to give honest feedback because I was too worried about making someone feel bad or them feeling rejected and I went To Rehab for a family therapy group group and I brought a giant thing of protein bars and clothes and cash like to help the person in my life that was in Rehab and there there are no but are you doing. You're trying to fix addiction with with protein bars. Get Out of here you know. I found myself so desperate to fix somebody else in rescue askew somebody else that I wasn't actually doing the right thing for the person so you know. We went around trying to help people all day as a way to get out of our own feelings. Something that I heard early in a twelve step program was people pleasing as a form of asshole ARY can. Sometimes it's selfish because it's not really what the person needs. The person might need the person you might need to. If you find yourself in the middle of someone's relationship drama all the time and listening to them every night talk about over and over about the made us stop talking about it and they need you to actually draw boundary you know and or say no so. I found myself enabling a lot of people with addictions and personality disorders and went to my first twelve sub alanon meaning was a game changer. Totally am changer. Wow 'cause I found that whereas alcoholics can be addicted to alcohol. Codependence are addicted to people who are a mess. So what are these programs. Look like these programs programs are basically free therapy and I see so many solvent rich famous people now talking about therapy and that's so cool. The one one thing relieving out is that it's three hundred dollars an hour and not everybody has access to that so you have no no problems so I think as someone who did not grow up with money I really appreciate the fact that it's free and open available to anyone and it's not elitist and there's also people from all walks of life who are in their keeping you humble and what's so great to me about twelve step programs is that you know when we share our shortcomings. Cummings when we share vulnerabilities. See someone like what you're doing right now. Not you're able to go okay. I'm not crazy and you're tearing you're able to have grace and someone's not judging urging me and I'm not a disgusting piece of Shit you know you're not going when you say like. I really want to text this X.. who was often? Immune cheated on me but I kind of want to reach out to him anyway and people go in there. And you're like okay. I'm not crazy. So these this inner critic that we have of I'm a failure amass. All of these things goes away because you have a group group of people that look at us saying been there and you talk about codependency landing. Use them pretty terrible relationships. Nasty stuff you learned from that codependence penance. We tend to shape shift in order to make a relationship work We tend to Make sure you know. The temperatures always seventy degrees auditioned for provable every day Whatever you want to eat? Eat Your Vegan Vegan. You eat meat. I mean we've you like Mexican and I like Mexican anything to sort of get approval of the person we want to be in the relationship with we ended up compromising our values morals boundaries and bottom lines in order to make a relationship work so I found myself in the relationship. I'm in now. Is the first time experimented with. Hey I need to call me every day. If you can't. That's totally fine. If you think I'm crazy that's totally fine but I finally know what I need. And that's something I need. And how empowering that you can say that to the person you're dating eating and he was so wild because I thought he'd go. Yuck you're crazy bitch psycho and he was just like Oh. Thank you for being so clear like. I don't WanNa be guessing what you want. He was trying to play. Okay cool by texting and didn't want to call too much and I was like I would like to hear from you every day on the phone. Call so in recovery. What we do is we find out what we actually want? And then how ask for it and how to away. If we're not getting it I love which is maybe something I should have gotten as a child and a lot of people do but if you grew up in an environment where you weren't parents in in a certain way or or were in an environment where nobody really said what they felt and everyone was like no. I'm fine everything's good. That's how my family was. When there were problems? Nobody addressed it and everybody pretended they were fine when they weren't and so. That's what I learned. I learned kind of dishonest communication. That doesn't benefit anybody. So you talk about a lot of problems news you do. I mean I. It's kind of awesome. It's awesome go because you're seeing then because everybody needs to talk about these things and you just just so happened to have a few I open. I see the most exciting thing in my lifetime is happening right now. which is that? Women are becoming humming bosses and they have shows with five hundred cameras and they are making money and they have employees. And they're getting in the workforce and we. You weren't really parented to be able to manage conflict. We were parented to establish harmony. And make sure everything was okay and make sure men's feelings were okay and that women were mad at us. That's how we've been conditioned you know and that was a big part of my codependence. Sound the Horn on this so much because it helps us once we get these opportunities. We're fighting so oh Hartford we're not gonNA screw them up. I try to be friends with everyone. Know making sure when likes US exactly and I think that that's very important because a lot of women do have that kind of it's like a ticking time bomb them Yep and I have to remind myself to like what would a man do I do I ask myself now you ask you that. I asked myself that some sometimes I think that way what would a man do. Let me how do I not do that or or I do. I in terms of going comedian. I'm like no worry about being friends with everybody. You know. Yes not all men today that Hashtag not all men but I do think that that we do want to make sure nobody's feelings are hurt and the key is managing being sensitive and being emotionally emotionally intelligent without being codependent exact. There's intelligent that's the key. I like that if If an employee is underperforming because they don't feel seen or heard or the workflow doc flow. Yeah isn't something that works with the way their brain is wired. It's always helped to go. Hey how can we make this. So you know we're able to have more harmony without going and what's going on with your family and your how can I fix your marriage and all that other. Let's go get drinks and hang out on the highway so in your latest special. That's called. Call Whitney Cummings. Can I touch it every day. It in my head. I'm like I know it's such a weirdly like triple entendre title. And the reason I called it that is because I had this robot made for the show ridiculous and I talk a lot about sexual harassment in the show how men were grabbing acids and you know being inappropriate but when my robot there were like and I was like where is all this when it comes to a human woman like. Why don't you don't ask that when you you know so? I just thought that was interesting. That is so so where I saw the robot. Come out watching your your special. I mean first first of all I was like really looked like you. I want the makeup. It was the hair it was. It was creepy wild wild about this because I feel like your fans. Are you in this world. I don't think she looks like me really. Here's why we a little cross eyed. We cross-eyed she was a little cross up totally did that. Her one for is we're fixing. It was an optical surgery surgery because homelessness she cost. Oh honey can I touch it She's fifty grant fifty to seventy yeah. She's getting her eyes are going to be cameras soon. And we're working on more facial muscles so that her smile isn't all like creepy. which is probably I? You spent twenty five minutes of your special with her and by the way I have. It's no joke. I've already lapped her. In terms of age in the Europe had her. So we're adding little wrinkles around here so we looked the the same year ago and I haven't slept so now I I look like old age APP version of her aging her up a little bit but something fascinating that I found out and we only see ourselves through mirrors so we don't really know what we look like you know in addition to whatever other just Moorefield we're struggling with. She doesn't creep me out because I don't see myself that way. That's how other people see me got it so you don't think you look like that's right. It's not why I still like. She looks a lot like I understand what. You're saying. All optical illusions. Everyone thinks she looks exactly like me. Accept me and it there was a weird because you think you look better or worse I think I look just different okay. This experience has been pretty pretty therapeutic for the body. dismore feared that I deal with. Because you have talked about this I had eating disorders my whole life. I now have disordered eating. I think it's dangerous to say like I cured my eating disorder so it means you're constantly thinking you bet it's still but it's not plaguing your life exactly. I have thoughts come up. Sometimes that are like you should have a diet coke for dinner and then I'm like no you shouldn't whereas I used to think that was a good idea. I now think it's a bad idea. So I think for anyone to say you know oh just in terms of how eating disorders work because so much of it for me was about control and so when things get a little out of control and I get a little busy and I don't have time to go to the gym. Sometimes the brain will go. Oh Yeah you should just have like lifesavers and nothing else go now. We're going to go home and we're going to make a meal we're GONNA cancel that thing and make sure we creek because you've actually gone and you've gotten help how to handle these situations. Yeah I did a pretty amazing sort of boot camp on inner child work which which I thought was ridiculous because it was just God imaginary child. This is creepy. You don't like this like the. I always think of the kids from the shining those two girls at the end of the hallway. Yes but it really. Is You having a relationship with your own. Inner Child and the cheap for me was you feed it yourself the way you would feed five year old child. You know as soon as if your own five year old you would make sure have three meals and you know it's healthy and you wouldn't want to give them accomplish your go. Yeah sure you can have that piece of cake or whatever but then as adults where like. You shouldn't eat that that's you should skip dinner. Just you know drink coffee all day you would would never let a child like that. So it's just a little bit of if I was feeding a five year old. How would I feed her because of the eating disorder? Your boobs were. They grew in in different sizes. Okay however as I've talked with minor differences. This one hangs more than that one you know. What are you right handed or left handed? I'm right handed but I sleep with my hand up. So it's pulling my tit over really it out on my own. I didn't have to go to a doctor after I talked on stage about how my boobs were different sizes women women come up to me and I thought I was the only one I mean. I think this is a key. I don't think any womens boobs are symmetrical. No they're not how unsafe metrical warriors I mean they were they were. They were like a salvador. Dali painting the clocks dripping off the table so three surgery was three surgeries surgeries. Because the first surgery. I was so embarrassed to tell anyone I was embarrassed to get it done it so much. Shame around it that I like Google that and just went to some guy by the airport art and didn't have an office. He No. This is before the ability the everywhere when and then when this happened this was before like women share my flaws. And let's all talk about how like broken. We are getting sixteen year old like birthday presents or like. Oh here's some some free tit. Yeah I think maybe because I'm in comedy or I can just shame around my body in general and I guess my emotional perfectionism was. I don't WanNa tell anyone that I'm doing this thing. I didn't involve any my girlfriend's I didn't tell anyone and I finally let a girlfriend in on what happened. When there was like muscle was cut through and she she was like Oh just go to my guy? What are you doing all my girlfriends like? We'll go to my person by person in two friends at reductions or go to Mike and there was no shame around. It was all in my head anyone that has the judgement around. That shouldn't be your friend anyway but none of them did I know I show them my friends. My two great. I mean I've yet to see them. But maybe it's because of all the cameras but so I just I had so much shame around that. I think I'd worked so hard to like except my body that I thought this was like a setback. You know but for me. It was really about sort of a racing in a big way. Like the sort of the things that reminded me of the disordered eating and what my body was like back then and I really just wanted to get past that stage h because every day you look at them now and you're happy while them love them. I mean I have scars and all sorts of stuff. But I'm if if I'm if I don't then who will actually actually robots really quick not just because I watched a special on them and I heard that a lot of people. Just buy them to have sex with. Is that the research that you had gotten As well there's so the actual robots there's not a I mean I would imagine there are so expensive I think a lot of guys like I suspect he's totally so there are the the real doll sex dolls that are specifically for sex so there is the sex doll robot head Ed which have been made yet but the sex dolls I would imagine. That's the purpose they serve. When I went down to the sexual about factory actually learned some very interesting research search because I thought it was going to be a bunch of perverted gross madness? Just jazz fest. Don't take to it. But they were explaining a lot. A lot of people to buy these are handicapped or it's a lot of people who are trying to explore their sexuality and they're not ready to do it with a human woman. I'm sure a lot of it are squeezy grow. Also it's like men who don't want to deal with women anymore. Well there's or men with Kyle dysfunction or whatever Had lost whatever I would imagine. There's a little bit of that and it's for those men good. Yeah stick with the doll right. I don't want the men that are done with women to be out of bars. I'm a big fan of let him out of the works for them. It's like scientology. Keep them in a building. Keep them in a bill and you know I think comedian. Sort of our job is to play. Devil's advocate sometimes and to go okay. Everyone is against this one thing. I'm GonNa Challenge Myself to find all the positives in it. You did a good job at that thank you and I don't you totally think sex. Robots are going to fix everything. I did think it was an interesting sort of joke. Solution until we figure out the sexual harassment thing like an interim the way we would news like crash test dummies or something To Stop Real women from getting harmed was the joke I was in but I did find that. The fear of robots did feel largely Salihi mail in terms of whether it's movies we've seen a rabbit but I've you know a lot of my guy friends Romans we're going to kill us in the robots are going to be stronger than us. Women are always dealing with that like like something stronger than us. That might eventually kill us. Like every guy we've ever dated like this is the first time you guys have ever had something that might kill you so I was like the robots might protect us from you. Oh I would like to insist on you. A big scary robot and every parking can structure at two in the morning. When I walked in my car and you know the robots are going to replace human women? I'm like well. Everyone I know would love to have a double. I know I love that part in your special the show. You're like yeah 'cause you're expected to be everything and anything and of course. I want somebody at home cooking and cooking clan. Yes please signed me up. I don't do it anyway I I don't. I'm almost the perfect I just don't cook. The perfect woman knows her limitations. Hey I want to talk about because you like talking about and and you're very open. You're just so like an open box. Let's say you got your boobs. Just J. rally. No that's unbelievably believably. Wishy milk much. You talk about failure in a really great way that I think that this next generation really needs to understand. Because you have I've had five specials you had Whitney you had two broke girls and you got to this place. I was like amazing but I wanna I don't know what what. How did you get there? Because it couldn't have been easy and I want to hear about it. You know what I think for me. It's taken me a long time to realize lies that like failures so re I mean having show on the air for six years like Like I never thought I was going to get any of this. I just wanted big deals. I WANNA pay my bills and be able to tell jokes for drunk people. And that's all I wanted you know and so anything else extra credit bonus points and you know I think that it did. It was hard for me when I did a show on. NBC which had my name on it. This was before there were a million shows on television that it got picked up cancelled picked up cancelled it was like having a shogun publicly cancelled was did feel humiliating. But I didn't talk show to sitcoms how that's how you have health insurance. How could this be A? What are you talking about what you talk about failure? What sent in our echo go chamber? I felt like a failure. 'cause I think in my head I was like this should go for eight years and be Seinfeld or something you know and shooting for the moon is great but but if you don't get there you don't have to go. I'm failure so at the time. I was definitely embarrassed in devastated Because I thought everyone all anyone was was talking about was how big of a failure was when reality people like Chen show on the air. Great what happened to that. Yeah because I was in in like figuring out all the shows that you had don in talking to my writer experience hours which she's had so many show. I just don't understand that you have been so open about failure. So that's why I really wanted to get to the bottom of it and I think I've also had a lot of shows that never got on the air so I had a deal with. Hbo I had before I had a show get on the air. I had three pilots. Didn't it didn't go and I've been very public about not just talking about my highlight. Reel because I think a lot of people might look at someone like you and go. She's had this and she has around podcast and she's on the cover these magazines. She's got at least followers. We don't broadcast the things we didn't get We don't broadcast auditions that we didn't book or the TV shows that didn't go because nobody wants to cover that. And you're not GonNa get a magazine cover for a pilot. That didn't go too serious so I try to go like you know. Failure is a part of the learning process and failure is an integral part of success. I thank God I had three shows. That didn't go by the time I had did go because then I knew how to freak and right now it was all practice so I I don't like calling failure tall practice. You know because you don't go to the judge like if you're a bodybuilder. When you go to the gym you're not calling those failure days? You're calling those like workout workout days right and so I just I like to. What do you call them? I'm practice practice practice pilots. It didn't go but those were actors they were meant to ago. Thank God they didn't go. I like that and I do think for younger. People that are embarking on this journey. Just I promise you the thing right now that you want so bad that you didn't get that you're going to look back and go. Oh thank God. I didn't get that. I always say if I didn't get a job it wasn't mine and it took o'clock jobs to not get going through the anxiety. The worried the like Oh my God. My life is over moments but because I didn't get those jobs um thank God. I didn't get those jobs. They weren't my bigger opportunities. Come never were that that is I think it took me so long to understand that and I see a lot of people who are blowing up their careers as they got something too soon and they didn't have the gratitude yet and they hadn't eaten enough shit yet so when they did get it they blew it gume. What's next for Whitney Cummings I'm starting podcast. It's called Good for you and it's all just people coming out and talking about things that have been good for them in a funny way. You know that sort of deal a lot of comedians coming on screen. I'm just I'm just very excited. When women get into a space that men used used their confidence to get into? And we're like I don't know if I'm good enough and I have to be perfect and I don't WanNa take up any space and I was like you know what I'm GonNa take up space. Oh take up as much space. As as you want Whitney Cummings the last thing we do on pretty big deal is a little lightning rounds. Okay I just need you to answer the question. Okay I feel like this is the last pretty penny so you spent a podcast studio and best in yourself. I built a studio in my home so that I can wake up and walk right to it. I love it rested and I'm not driving being. What's the biggest deal breaker selfish for men? I deal with friends or with men anything you just said got it. That's that's a dealbreaker being a DJ. Oh yeah okay got it okay. So you're obviously a pretty big deal because I only have pretty big deals on my show. What's a pretty pretty big deal to you? It's a pretty big deal to me when someone does the right thing when no one's watching. Oh my God my guest right before you just said ought now that's plagiarism. You should be. We're dealing feeling my podcast. Okay everybody at home. We want to hear from you. Please comment on instagram and twitter. Be Nice be nice because the person who runs her social media will come for you. I will make sure to share. We love you. Pretty big deal is produced by pretty big deal productions and OBI sound.