The Porn Reboot Podcast Episode 179: Why You Hate Yourself
Welcome to the porn reroute podcast where you get practical tips gaining control over your phone or sex addiction I'm your host Jay Amazing. Certified Sex, and porn addiction recovery coach. Welcome to the episode. Today. I'm going to talk about a couple of reasons why you load or hate yourself over my years of coaching I've come in contact with a lot of men who do today shame that feeling of being abandoned unworthy person have ended up hating a disliking themselves and often this is not something bad. We experience consciously they are men who? Consciously. Hate themselves and they say that but the vast majority of men especially men who need to function in life who needs to take care of their family provide for their family who need to excel at the careers. It's a very difficult thing verbalize. But a lot of men who have struggled with this behavior for a very long time trying to quit and who haven't been able to. Do not like themselves and today I'm going to explain to you from my professional observation. Why you hate yourself and I want you to be aware that a lot of with the reasons that I'm going to explain to you a things which you exhibit. subconsciously, right. So which each one I share, take a moment and think about it and think about how True. That sounds to you because it might not be apparent when I shared with you. Let's dive into them. The first one is. One of the reasons why you hate yourself and you stay hitting yourself is because. You found that it's actually easier to predict things in your life and what I mean by that is you already know that as you go through life, people are going to disagree with things you have to say people are going to dislike you dislike your opinions or people are going to reject you. This is a part of life. However. You found that when you? Eight yourself. It's easier to predict people liking you and people rejecting here because it's just so easy to justify. So subconsciously, you can just tell yourself well, you know I already don't like myself. So when somebody doesn't like me all rejects me that's not a big deal because of course, they would I don't even like myself. That way you never disappoint yourself see it's a hit that we take emotionally when somebody rejects us and for the most part and. It's just so much easier. You know you're gonNA feel that way but you don't WanNa. Feel it's like you know what? If somebody splashes, water on me, and I'm already wet well, that doesn't make a difference. So I'm just going to choose to walk around being wets and soaked all day because whatever right? It's much more challenging to handle it when you're walking around us fully dry and somebody splashes water on you. That's the first reason that I've noticed and I'd like you to actually take a moment and think about that like. Do I, keep paying myself because it's actually easier. For me to predict negative things happening. The. Second one is a strange one but many of us are guilty of it and I used to be guilty of it when I was an addict and that is that once in a while. I would get attention from others like once in awhile who cared about, me would actually tell me how great a guy was like oh no, don't say that don't say that don't act like you don't like yourself like you're a great person like these all the wonderful things about you. And that that's that doesn't last long because they realized that you know you're just acting that way all throwing a pity party to get their attention it's sad but it's true and even men you might be doing it in your life right now you might once in a while do that so that you'd get some attention from your wife even as an adult get attention from your parents from your therapists. Those people telling you no no, you're not. You're not like that you're you're you're a great person. See The reason why? You would keep doing that when you dislike yourself is because on the opposite end of the spectrum. People who love themselves care for themselves and who have high self esteem don't even seek validation from anyone. They don't care if somebody tells them that the great or they're not it just it doesn't matter because on the other end the you know it. But in my case, for instance, when I was isolated when I was alone when I was hating myself when I was an addict, it was nice to get this attention right? It was just it was really affirming to get it and back then for me was really affirming when a pretty woman would do it see. I had no hope back then of even being in a relationship getting laid. So if I was friends in the friend zone with a woman who was had even a little bit of attraction or I had some attractions who fell she an attractive woman, I would find myself inadvertently just doing something to get that attention telling some SOB story about something unfortunate would happen in my life so that this beautiful woman would give me some sort of attention and I want to ask yourself that to have been guilty of doing that right now or at some point in your life. Because you don't like yourself. Now. Again, you might think well I do that but it's not because I don't like myself but think about it. If you let yourself, you wouldn't do that in the first place. The third reason is because it keeps you risk free. And what I mean by that is when you don't like yourself. subconsciously, you set the bar really low for yourself. Right? You become lazy. You don't take action you're not hard working. You have no work ethic and it's easy to do that because. That way you don't have to disappoint anybody. In fact when you try to change when you dislike yourself, this is one of the major. That you're going to have to overcome why because you suddenly realize like Oh my God I don't like myself. That's why upset the Barlow but if I'm to achieve anything that means I would have to actually make the efforts to like myself and if I stopped trying to like myself but I ended up disappointing myself as I try to get better this appointing myself is really gonNA hurt and I'm already disappointed with my life so it's better than just don't take any risks that way I don't disappoint myself that way I'm not reminded of what a fuck up I am. Do, you do that in your life. That's the third one. The fourth one is actually a belief that I've noticed very prevalent among men who have been struggling with this behavior for a long time, and that is the belief that you picked up whether it's from your religion. Your parents from your society that pride is not good. Right and pride is an evil thing. Pride goes before a what. Before a fall right. So if I dislike myself, then there's no way I can develop pride. You have made no efforts to differentiate between pride. And self confidence or even pride and self esteem. So it's easier for you to bundle up. Anything that has to do with you. Feeling good about yourself a good about something you've accomplished and putting all those things in the basket of pride. Right that's what prideful people do. And so it's easy to just keep disliking yourself because when you don't like yourself, you don't need to develop pride. And I'M GONNA. Take an extra step and speak directly to some of my Christian brothers out there. Now, I'm not a Christian myself on my approach is not a religious approach but I was baptized as a Christian Catholic specifically and I grew up that way until I decided to find my own path. However. One of the things I've noticed with men, some men, of course who were raised with a concept of sin is that some of them came to understand that in a very unhealthy way. And they have this belief that they are centers, they are unclean. I've met men who have this belief and they understand it quite clearly from a biblical perspective have self-esteem. But I've met other men who ended up developing some form of self hates who actually internalized that and use that as an excuse to stay the way they are after all I was born with sin I'm a simple person that's who I am. And they never dig deep enough to realize this simply using that as an excuse if you are one of those gentlemen. I highly recommend that you take a moment to examine that. The next reason is that it's actually been normalized in your life. You grew up in a family where people dislike themselves and you didn't even know it right you had no idea that sets and behaviors or the lifestyle of your family was actually that way because it was a family AF- individuals who did not like themselves, you maybe had a father. Or a mother who exhibited one of the previous reasons that I told you maybe a father lived this way because it was easier for him to predict things. So he he didn't WANNA be disappointed. Maybe you even had a mentor in your family somebody in your family who told you not to reach too high because you would only end up disappointing yourself. Is it possible that somebody in your family doing your formative years. Had projected that hate of themselves on you. That's a very deep topic that we definitely can't cover in this episode but the surface I do believe you get what I'm talking about. Often when you have grown up in a family where it is normal to. Dislike Yourself. You end up rolling and hanging out in circles which friends and acquaintances who don't like themselves either. So it becomes easy subconscious level to justify this because you literally tell yourself that if I loved myself if I cared for myself, I would not fit in and this is very true because in my experience when I didn't like myself and I actually found myself around people who actually likes themselves and who had great self esteem I felt very uncomfortable. I felt that they were. I was like man these guys that's positive. These guys a fool of like motivation they must beyond something they must be on adderall. Positive they must be hiding something and I would keep justifying ooh, he seems so happy but I bet his wife is cheating on him. Oh, he seems so happy but I bet he he's actually bankrupt and he's just you know flexing his nice car. Oh, it seems so happy but I bet he's depressed guy I bet he's addicted to porn to I would keep telling myself these things because The truth was like I felt that I could not fin though circles I just didn't understand how people could be happy could be successful could be fit, could have all their shit together. I always had this suspicion that something had to be wrong and that was how I justified my staying with my circle of people didn't like themselves and a final reason why you hate yourself brother is because It is sometimes great way to justify a lack of self care. It's a great leads to justify not going to the gym not taking care of your mind not even grooming yourself addressing up well. I've seen a lot of guys who've said Oh. I have problems dating women, and of course, they'll say a lot of things which show that they already hate themselves but they'll top it off with this. I'll be like well, you know what man you know you say you have all these problems on you've been working so hard. What did you share a picture of yourself me and it'll be a picture of this thirty year old dude just. Like a five year old boy right you know wearing shorts with the tennis socks pulled up and some old. Crinsley. T shirt hasn't gotten a haircut scruff on his face and I'm like Bro like you're a grown man look at how you dress and it just doesn't make sense to him because there's no point in interesting off. There's no point in going to the gym taking care of himself beyond brushing his teeth and taking a shower because. Why bother to take care of yourself when all these other things. Are Going to happen when you're not gonNA take any risks when that could lead to pride when you're a sinner when you can get attention without doing that like I get pretty girls by by bitching about myself right when it's easier to predict things and when you actually take care of yourself and you look good, you may not know this but your subconsciously afraid of the fact that perhaps people. Who Care, for themselves will be attracted to, you would be interested in you would treat you. Well, we'll talk to you. That it would help you get better opportunities and all the things that would force you to come face to face with your self loathing. So those are just a couple of things that I thought about and I went through this afternoon I wanted to share them with you and if you identify with any of them, I think that's a great place to stop processing the way you actually feel about yourself. I'm Jay Yoga indestructible. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this episode of the Porn Rude. PODCAST. I'll speak to you in a couple of days.