Introducing Single Daddy Daily with Drew Manning and Evan DeMarco

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Hi, and welcome to single daddy daily. I'm Evan DeMarco here with my great friends remaining, and you guessed it. We are single dads. I've got a five year old daughter and Bruce got two daughters. Nine and seven how do we joke, the responsibilities of raising our kids co-parenting working, and even Dedi season? One of the single daddy daily podcast is the honest complicated journey of two guys. Navigating the waters of single parenthood. Join me, I'm drew an Evan in a raw look at what it takes to balance a successful career dating and most importantly, being present parent together with guests, we're going to tackle, many of the difficult topics that so many of us parents face on this show. We are coming at you. With stories of interviews and more to discuss a topic that affects almost half of all people who get married and have kids what it's like to be a single parent. This podcast is meant as a tool for single parents since we're raising our kids, single dads. We've got. A lot of stories to share. And of course, some advice to give but first listeners, you should know a bit about who you're dealing with. So years and years and years ago, I was watching late night, TV and Leno pops on and Leno starts talking about this trainer from the Salt Lake City area who gained a bunch of roads. So he could understand what his clients were going through in the weight loss process. Yeah, the crazy sounds like a crazy, so it's funny, however many years later, I'm at a party, and I meet this guy the same guy that went on Leno gained all this weight lost it, and I walk into this party and I see this guy. And I'm like, wow, he's good looking. And in shape and clearly lost all that weight. So turns out, you know, we knew some people in similar circles. And after all, that time after you being on Leno, you kind of going through your journey Migo into my journey were sitting here in Los Angeles talking about being single parents. So. It is kind of crazy. So for people who don't know you give us a little bit background. Yeah. So it's interesting back in two thousand eleven was when I did fit to fit. That's what most people know me from a little bit of background before that happened, though. So I grew up in San Diego, California until I was about thirteen. I grew up in a family of eleven brothers and sisters grip. Very strict Mormon religion, religious family family. Yeah. Very small family, you know, eleven kids. So, you know, I never had bedroom, I think until as a senior in high school a while and. I we, we play sports played football and wrestling. We're always very active. You know, before social media, we hadn't been an intendo on that was only video games that have played so techmo bowl and in those kinds of games, but for the most part, I was active in shape, my whole life, and I grew up in a very I would say black and white culture of it's either this way or the highway right year. They're in a student or you're enough student. Right. That's the way the no middle no middle ground it that your perfect or your failure. That's kind of my perception of me growing up. So it was very kind of a harsh upbringing as far as that goes, but I mean I was very blessed. I always have food on the table always had close. You know, we always had a car and, you know, a house overheads. So in two thousand eleven had this idea to fit. And the reason I did that was because here, it was a personal trainer someone who had never been overweight day in their life, trying to help people who were overweight majority of their life. And there's an obvious disconnect. I couldn't understand why it was so hard for people just to do what I was telling them to do it. Here's your meal plans should work out. It's not that hard. You put the junk food down. You go to the gym, boom. You see results like why aren't you following? Right. They would tell me I you know, I'm I was really sore and get to the gym where a concept in or, you know, I was at a party and kind of gave in at some food. I know it shouldn't have, and I'm like I don't understand why it's so hard. And they would tell me you for you. It's always been easy, and for me, it's really hard. And so I took that to heart, and I thought maybe there's something I need to do as a trainer to benched. Emmett clans in this idea of fit popped up in so I gained seventy pounds of pure fat and six months to gain, a better understanding of what it was like to be overweight. And you know what it was one of the most humbling things of ever done. It was one of the hardest things ever done. And a it was very eye. Opening a top new perspective on health and fitness and weight loss and how just how hard they journey is. And you know, went on a bunch of TV shows like. Leno like you mentioned dot draws and good Morning America. But it was all luck I didn't have a marking shredded yet didn't have a PR team helping me. I just kind of had this idea started website and YouTube channel, and before, you know, it made on all these TV shows wrote a book about this whole journey called fit to fit to fit. Luckily lost the weight. That's why it's called fit fit not fit defense, stuck or fat and happy. Now, just fit. I made it back, but with a whole new perspective on transformation, and especially on the mental emotional side of transformation. That was my biggest takeaway, the book became a success. The book turn into a TV show where two seasons of TV show called fifth on any putting other trainers through this process so they could come out of it more empathetic more more respect and better standing for the clients. And that's kind of what I built my brand on here we are today with, you know, kind of in the key to space now, teaching people about the Kito have a new book called complete Kita, which just launched and. Thank you. Thank you books are not easy in what's written a book knows, writing a book, that's not even the hardest part of the whole process is it's editing and the marketing and all the, the media appearances, you have to do and so much goes into book, you know, but yeah, feel very blessed and fortunate with whatev- created this far. But yeah, that's kind of what most people know me from so. That's incredible. Right. The whole span of your career. And let's, let's get into it. How old are you? Thirty eight years old thirty eight years old, eight years young. And at some point, ladies and gentlemen, you're actually gonna see a lot of the pictures and a lot of the video content on here. So you're gonna see drew is the not in shape want on. Drew Evan look like a before. And after picture of of, you know, I'm fat he's fits. I don't think we're going to buy that. He he's just the genetically superior one. So you've gone through all of this. You've had this incredible career even spires so many people. But when we started talking I love how passionate you are about what you do, but something else, kind of permeated the conversation when we really got down to the nuts and bolts in your passion wasn't necessarily in getting people in shape. It was something else. Yeah. And that's being a father. Yeah. That's kind of my main purpose ever since you know, this whole journey, you know, my purpose in life is definitely. There's something fulfilling helping people with physical transformation. Of course, it's cool to see someone transform and like get their life back in that confidence. Like I love seeing that, but then in the day for me, what's fulfilling is being dead? First and foremost, you know, we're both to divorce guys, and you can say whatever you want about, you know, you know, failing in marriage or being married. But as a dad, like for me, etc. Happy man, if I failed everything else, but I was. Successful dead more. Yeah. And so for me it's, it's a priority is something that I love to do. And think about it. We only have short period of time with our kids like before they become teenagers. Wanna play with other kids and go out with their friends, and then they go off to college. And like, wow, man that went by so fast, it already is going by fast, even though our kids are still young. It's home by so fast. I don't have a short period of time to make an impact so we do the best. I can, you know, with short time that have well that's one of the big challenges that we're going to discuss season, one of single daddy daily is that time gets cut in half as a divorce or gets cut even more as a as a single parent. So now, you're balancing that short amount of time with all the other things that you have to do. It's how do we actually accomplish that? So I don't wanna get too far into it in this particular. But give us a little bit of background about how you became a father and then ultimately a single father. Yeah. So I was married for ten years, just with my. Wife Lynn who were still good friends to this day. We had two beautiful daughters one and two thousand nine one and two thousand eleven Calera and Kiana. They're nine and seven years old. And I remember with their first child, the thing that really impacted me wanted to be the best at it could be was reading this book called strong fathers, strong daughters, and can remember the name of the author apologize to the name to the author of this book is such an impactful book, but really opened my eyes put it in the show notes. It's so important that the role of father daughter relationship that relationship, specifically is such an important role in daughters development. Right. You know daughters. Learn how to love from their moms, but they learn how to be loved from their dads. And after reading that book, it just a light, you know, switched on me of this is who you need to be right for this girl, and I kinda see from a different perspective with my dad growing up. And you know. I have nothing. But love my parents. Right. They did the best that could with what they have. But my dad, you know he wasn't really good at showing love and I think that's just maybe environment who grew up in right? He showed love in different ways right by providing you know, you know, income and food and a house for us. But I see my sisters and how they struggled with their self self esteem in their confidence, because they were never told that their loved or shown that they loved and to see the kind of, you know, choices because of that in their life. It was really hard. I think for them to develop that that self love and it clicked for me, you know, I need to show my daughter's that type. They need to learn that type of self love from me as a dad to let them know that they're loved. And it's okay to love themselves and that they are good enough. And so that's what I wanna do to my girls. Take the good things I learned from my parents, but the things that maybe were missing that I'm aware of now. Pass it onto my girls. That's wonderful. Yeah, thank you. So they're nine and seven now and what is your parenting plan look like? How often are you spending with them? What is yeah. We so like I said, we're good friends. Everything was amicable. We actually I think we spent nine hundred dollars on an attorney to or a mediator to just a foul the paperwork force. We agreed on everything before that. This is the point where I'm starting to cry because I recognize how much I spent on attorneys. And it was just a little bit more than nine hundred more view. I, I know men and I, I feel so fortunate that we were in the position we were in when we made that decision. So I'll get into that those we'll get into those details later. Yeah, we agreed on everything it was very amicable very easy. So I have a one week on when we got from my girls. And in the summertime, we do one month on month off just kind of travel, and spend more time with them during the summer, and obviously with the book tours with everything that you do with all the public speaking your travel a lot. Yeah. So, you know, t tell us a little bit about what some of your biggest challenges are as a single parent. That's so hard men, I think a lot of it's being present in with my girls because in the world we live in, you know, social media never sleeps. So, like if your business built on social media, it's Facebook comments Instagram, comments messages, emails. Youtube Twitter like all these podcasts that we have to create and all these things we need to do. It's easy, just to put a screen in front of you and your kids and be like I gotta work for an hour. Here's a screen for you guys. And that's my biggest thing I feel guilty about the I really do. Because like I said, I only have a few years left of this kind of time with my kids, where they want to spend time with me, I know when they get older, they're gonna want to go out with their friends, because, you know, it's cooler to do that kind of stuff. And so for me, I'm like, man. I want to cherish these moments as much as possible. So my challenge, always, I think everyone out there is trying to find ways to be as presidents possible and give that quality along with quantity. Like one day a week from isn't enough. Like I had my girls every other weekend, that would be so hard for me because I feel like I'm fulfilled when they're with me, right? They're not with me. Luckily, I'm gonna place now where I am okay with not having them for a week because that gives me a chance to catch up and get stuff done and travel. And then, you know, take a break, and then boom Beck back into fulltime parenting when I. Do have them, which makes me have so much more respect for people that are full-time single parents. Like that's a whole different level right there. It's a whole different game as a fulltime single-parent. How do you ever travel? How do you have time to yourself or get a break, don't? Yeah, no so hard. So a lot of respect I posted about this. Lot, my social media lottery spec for fulltime single parents, as do I and I think, you know, we'll get into this a little bit, but I think we both have such demanding travel schedules. And so it you know, how do you as a single parent with the ability to take a break even balance that? But yeah you throw. I'm a I'm a single parent by myself and trying to generate an income and provide food and clothing and shelter. And then be a present parent, like I haven't slept since my divorce. I can't imagine what it would be like, yeah, yeah, well let's, let's learn about you, Evan who's DeMarco. And, you know, hindsight's always twenty twenty so help us connect the dots of, you know, where you came from. And what led you to where you are today? Great question. So, like you I kinda grew up sports. Sports was always in my background. And, and I think going way back into time I kind of had a really interesting upbringing. So my parents, my biological parents got divorced when I was three and this was at a time in Colorado, which is where from where there was definitive custody. And then, you know you had visitation rights my biological father at the time. Didn't really like the decision of the court. And so he kidnapped me. To Florida and I was on the guy's missing children's report for about six months. So in the funny thing is three years old. I still remember this. I actually remember that sense for my mom. I remember you know, being in this room where he dropped me off at his sister's house, in just disappeared. So remember, just for hours on and, you know, crying by myself, and in that sense of longing. So finally found me brought me back and my mom remarried a great guy. But I think like your dad is didn't really know how to show love. He came from very militant type of background is, you know, as father was military. And so he was shown love and very, here's maslow's hierarchy of basic human needs. You know, you've got close. You've got a house. You've got food. What else do you want? It as much as he tried. I think he was very difficult for him. Even especially as a stepfather to really show that. And so I grew up probably like you in a sports was my outlet. I was an angry angry teenager, pissed off at the world. And but sports was always my, my background and was always my way to kind of scape the confines of the home that I just wasn't always. I didn't always feel great then. And so played football played baseball. Baseball's my big sport. You know, professional boxing, one, one fight, only because I don't like getting punched in the face. And then, you know, my dad was also a cabinet maker. And so he kind of showed me what I didn't wanna do. I had this idea that Mike, I'm gonna go sit in an office where three piece, suit and work on paperwork. And so I did that I got that job working on Wall Street and became an investment banker, and I hated every minute of it every day, I would put on that suit and tie, a little bit of my soul dia. So after the mortgage collapse and kind of Wall Street was in shambles on my acquired a sports nutrition company from a business perspective. But then it really reignited my passion to be back in the sports, and how, you know, the, the, the health and wellness world. So went back to school and started setting like all the biochemistry organic chemistry stuff that no one really likes and I fell in love with it. And so I was able to get into product development, and that's where I really found. My passion was developing products for people to help them in their health and wellness journeys. Met. A woman fell in love. Got married moved to Sacramento California and you know nothing against Sacramento. But he was that kind of relocation was the catalyst for a lot of issues in my life. And the things that all own quite candidly, as you know, I never did a good enough job of accepting that as my new home left, my family left my friends, follow this woman out to Sacramento in just kinda got stuck in a rut there. And we had a incredible girl a beautiful baby girl. And at that moment, like you I recognize that she was to steal a line from a movie everything. I never knew I always wanted movies. It was one with Chandler, Matthew Perry. Oh, like Matthew Perry and Somma Hayek, how. Oh, is that one in Vegas where they meet the only fools Russian yeah? Yeah, great. At one point. He says, everything I never knew I always. Is wanted? Yeah, it takes a little bit to process that, that's she came out. She sitting on my wife's chest, the skin-to-skin contact. And I just reached down and grabbed her hand. And she, like, she, she grabbed my finger with, with her tiny little hand squeeze him. I was shocked. This is this is what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. And like you, I think we're probably two guys that really take whatever it is that we do seriously like the future of this girl's life trajectory for life is going to be determined. What I do is apparent by what I do as a parent. Yeah. So that was. That was my calling all the work all of the business, everything aside. I really wanted to be the best parent that I could. And unfortunately that wasn't enough to keep my marriage together. But now more so than ever. It's my responsibility. My passion my drive. The thing that keeps me going, you know, when I don't think that I have any gas left in the tank is to be the best parent that I can. And I think that led us, you know, sitting at this table here in Los Angeles talking about being single parents. But that, that to me is the job that I take the most seriously in the thing that I really wanna do to, to leave a lasting impact in her life is to make sure that she knows how love she has that she has all the tools necessary that the failure of my marriage does not define her. But the relationship that she has with the two parents that brought her into this world helps to find everything that she doesn't her life. Yeah. And I'm sure we'll get into that role of as a parent. How do you separate your kid from your decisions and your ex wife's decisions from affecting? In her because I think that's really important for all the parents out there to recognize and remember to remind your kids of that, right? Because they might still be constantly searching widen at workout, but a couple of questions about your story, your dad after your biological dad. Where was he like trying to get in contact with you re we're able to see him again? Or did he go to jail or what happened? No. I haven't seen him since really. Yes. And so he kind of went off the face of the earth. Sounds like you kind of did. The franchise thing where he went around and got remarried had a kid got divorced got remarried had another kid, interestingly enough, I ran into a niece of his when I was fifteen or sixteen and she kind of told me that he was in Boise. Idaho really show I hired a private investigator found him. And then I think I was eighteen and I might have I apologize for saying this, but I might have had a couple cocktails in me got a little little gutsy, and I called him because I had his phone number from the private investigator. He picks up the phone and tell them who I am. And he hangs up on me man. And that was one of those devastating moments. Right. Because, you know, I only heard about what had happened from my side of the family. So I never really got his side. And there's always this part of me that wondered, what am I not understanding? What what's his side of the story? What really happened? Yeah. And then I had piper and I recognize that there's not a single force of on this universe. That could keep me from my daughter. And so ultimately, I kind of lost any respect I had because it doesn't matter what the story was. It doesn't matter what the catalyst is, and we're gonna talk a lot about this. I think as parents moving forward, but how do you show up for your kids every single day? And I don't care what the issue is literally. There's nothing that could keep me from my daughter. And so I recognize that being present parent being a great parents is more than just, just the act of creating child is the choices that we may. Every single day to show up as the parents that we need to be for our kids. Yeah. And I think it's hard to gain an understanding with any kind of closure of like how could someone have a kid and now want to be part of their life? Right. Like, like I think that's, that's a question that an even even if if if they weren't there physically. Right. Like your dad wasn't there. He just totally disappeared. They're still that sense of, you know, having a parent that maybe as an president all the time. Right. And it still checks you in a certain way they can definitely my dad and my mom were always there, but they're raising living kids, and they were in survival mode. And so they were just trying to get through the day and feeders. Make sure we rely. But there was no emotional connection. There's no, like, hey, you know, you proud of me and my good enough, there's no conversation like that. And so, I think it leaves avoid sometimes in people's lives of like, okay, you know, finding that purpose and it took us a while there. Once we had our own kids to realize that, but I. We'll get into this probably a little bit more in detail of pride. The struggles we had grown up from, you know, a lot of our issues stem. I think from our parents love their didn't Lewis, you know, in my opinion. So we'll get into that a little bit later but I'll be totally honest with you, man. I didn't know all this about you. Like I didn't know these stories. I was like if you could see my face, I was like, you know, this like incredible. Like what you've been through man, and everyone has a story, and it's, it's I think it's really cool that we able to have this podcast to share our stories but, you know, everyone that's listening. You know, we know that everyone has a story out there and it's an important story and we're here to help bring, you know, light or understanding to the role of being apparent right? And being a dad mom, this is, you know, it's called single daddy daily. But, you know, I it's, it's applicable to almost any parent out there and a lot of us have kids and, you know, we have responsibility now to break that cycle of what was passed on from. Generations before to now and it's up to us to break that cycle with our kids. Absolutely. You know, I couldn't have said it better myself. And I think that's really what we're here to do. Right. As we. This is one of the things that I got so excited about when I met you when we started talking about this as we both have that passion. We both want to make sure that people don't feel alone in this journey. You know, our greatest asset our greatest resources are kids in how we cultivate them how we help them through what ultimately our decisions as parents sets the stage for their future success, their future happiness. And that's what this is about single daddy daily is our journey that we want to share with people, but we're gonna open this up a lot. We're gonna, you know, I think we posted on social media. We've already got a lot of questions that are coming in. So part of every show is going to be dedicated towards answering the questions but more than anything, this show is a tool that people can utilize just one tool in the toolbox. But most importantly, just to recognize that you're not alone out there as a single parent, even if you're maybe you're married, but you just want some tips. That's we're here to help parents in any way that we can make sure that we are cultivating and supporting the greatest asset of our kids, the I think how we break that cycle. Was by you know, using these platforms like a podcast or a blog or video series to give that information have those those tough conversations with people because we didn't have those resources as kids. And our parents didn't have these resources. It was like just figure it out. And hopefully it turns out, okay because that's what my parents did. And their parents did. But now we have so many resources like, you know, having that support group of like minded people going through the same struggles very powerful and, and learning from other people and be on being able to communicate you know, your struggles, and that's what we're trying to provide here. So thank you guys so much for, for listening. We're super appreciative of, of the audience out there and looking forward to meeting a lot of you in person and hearing about you guys in your your struggles as well. Goodness that about myself. So we're so excited jump into this podcast with you. And now that, you know, a little bit about who we are. You'll know what to expect going forward, some of the themes will touch on the season or dating our relationships with our Xs co-parenting being a modern dad sleepovers. Conflict, Disneyland parenting, and more. So we hope you stick with us. Thanks for tuning into fingle baddies daily hosted by Evan DeMarco and drew manning. We recorded at the village workspaces podcast. Studio in Los Angeles, California, this podcast has been produced by area on this and Blatt and Caccia live ten go if you like what you year, please make sure to subscribe to this podcast rate and review it on items and follow us on Twitter at single daily an Instagram at single. Daddy, daily help spread the word mutter snow. You think of shave maitre, tune in for our next episode should be right here on your podcast feet until next time.

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