The guy is welcome back to another additional. What's going on right now? uh-huh this is Trish Jordan's my co host. The dish the dish chamber named the dish we do dish for some reason instead of dish with Trish. I don't know that the district Trish the dish side dish. This remains really he wasn't supposed to be a co host and that's take care not here honestly. He's helped because what I was doing it by myself. I'm like really awkward for some reason. I'm not awkward. She's like a youtube video by myself. So I wanted like a dynamic dialogue even when you had your anyway we have let me introduce. Impulsive is quaking with this introduction. We have our first guest here today. He is Youtube King. Youtube Legend Star of Youtube rewind. One James's apology or his comeback video. Which I missed somebody like five times and I'm like I need to look video? I did the same music. Did you talk about that. But also my best spread and basically my only the only family she is the one person. Oh this is Shane Dawson. Everybody Eddy. You're literally my only family really only badly. Let's third of home and family only fam- we'll only fan. We did talk about a shade and Trish only well. No because you were like because I didn't know we're filming this and thank God I wor- I brought in my backpack. I brought my Pajama clothes. Because I was was like. Maybe I'll just switch into those but I'm This is being films Alvarez born just by the way there's like five people not just because we had this podcast. I don't know four years ago. It wasn't really me like filming on my Mac but she was like my only guests on there. It was like midnight being leads a record and like Jane was Nice enough enough to do it back then and now you have blown up and I can't even believe that you're here like I. I know where you don't do camera interviews you don't Collab- so No I like I don't know I hate talking about myself. So that's why I was happy to do this because I'm like Oh we're just gonNA. I'm not nervous at it all. Yeah 'cause already. We've talked like an hour and a half. We should probably all this on the podcast. Well that's what I was saying like also to like anything you want. Because when she didn't I get together like you. I thought you know each other you so I've known Shane for we've known each other for two thousand thirteen. Maybe fourteen twelve. Oh Oh my God. Yeah Yeah Yeah all my Shawna Malcom. Oh isn't that crazy yet. It's been a really long on uh-huh I remember one of my favorites after Tannock on I remember calling you and you were just like I don't know I I don't know what to do with my life all right. Well let's figure. Aw did you figure it out. I did I did it. Took it took a couple of days to gather up my things and leave Anaheim. Yeah no no. It's like Whoa. He's no I did. This is my last. That was my last week at my company. That was I start my own company week later. Not a week later I just is left and then start my own company and it will so are you so thankful that Shane say both you and Tana's career after that honestly I've joked about it all the time without you without without chain like I don't have any clients really. Oh say he's like Oh yeah she was Christine's. I guess when I was brilliant. She doesn't do podcasts. Yeah you pretty much pretty much a lot of my clients. You just do special favors for and it's really helped everyone out interesting and I would never thought it was never even asked because you know you just like don't Klabin seventy one. I like just like hanging out with the NCAA personality thing all my clients like you also are friends with a lot. All your clients are are bat shit crazy and they go off the bed and had mental breakdowns. Maybe it's something about you. I always I'm always on a liferaft. The town of pops up and she was like you back. You see everyone bitterly like. You're the only reason because you vouch for me. The little unionized after me saved my whole career that sheer because everybody was cancelling me left right and center but then it was like yes. Queen Tristesse everything take the shade was set. It saved my life to rely. No it really did like people like again like you. Are that person now that like you can do no wrong. It's not true controversy a year ago because the time we we like Oh during our Mook Bong for switching lives thing and I literally was like. I think you're next week I'm going to cancel then off to figure it out and it's GonNa be annoying and then literally it happened happened with something. I don't remember what I remember that and I was you know I got. I got canceled around that time too. I was demonetized from Youtube. was once you put that video up and it was great because it helped helped my channel and everything and I like put up our full bang for some reason. I mucked. Bang if you click on it to this day. It says like sensitive material. Are you sure you WANNA watch this. Because you're seeing my eating disorder order that's triggering because people are like is he. What is he doing can you joke about eating disorders anymore? Worse you can suck off. I've not you can't because you're shaking gun because I am. I am a walking leader the same. I think it's sensitive either way I think now you can let my hand disorders. Yeah we're not taking that away from you can Have Yours. Of course I should go back to the church and I do a lot on here dirty. Ebeling look this is what he does to me like you. We do this kind of crazy. Okay thank you we love Jordan. No no I was everything and I wanted to all that like I know it was like I like I was telling you got here. I was GONNA like I wanted to support in like get your merchant like he shame posted thirty four seconds ago and I want to go to checkout items are gone you sold on thirty four seconds the interesting thing that Tricia does she literally buys the merge from everyone off friends to she like literally goes to the site in order like I never realized that was Trish. Why are you buying your she? She buys her own merchandise. We can just get that shipped here for free and she buys it kind of the same thing though. I think we're similar like that like we're both fans ends at heart. Yeah like I love being a fan of people and things I buy everything that comes out makeup merged like I I liked the experience of I dunno feeling like A. Yeah like no loser by like even when I was in Vegas like right. When the Pallet Chemo I went to because they got married on the same day of your POW launch? I was like that was so pissed about. How would you do this to Shane? Jeffrey are literally like dominating that university cares what we make wedding in Vegas Vegas that weekend and I went by the morpheus store at the Vegas. We just Chris Angels to complain a Hollywood or something and we went by and I went in and I felt like such a celebrity. Oh my God like Shane's pal sold Out here like I can't believe you're here. I wish I had a positive picture with the employees where like so excited and it just made me. Everyone started to be like. Oh my God I want. Everyone asks me because I got like you and Jeffrey the five Conspiracy Palace before it even like senator was so sweet and everybody was like I want one of the horn. Those I even want to. My sister gave one of my sister because she really wanted one. But I was like I still. I'll have them on like the packaging. I'm like this worth something. One day when I'm broke the Kampong Shane's conspiracy Palate Speaking of broke. Oh okay because we can talk about. We can talk about that. I wouldn't know about like Youtube drama. Talk about it. Do you like talking about like all of it. I don't know are you do you do you keep up anymore because you don't keep up with so no. This has been interesting year of like the Youtube drama. I don't really keep up with I. I think I I used to kind of follow. All the beauty drama just because it was fun and then I think once I started seeing my face my face pop up in it you know. I can't click on anything if my faces or if whatever. I do think that I'll be very particular like I'll be like well. Maybe maybe I'll click on this one and then like the second click out because if they're talking about no you was it like I. I have a problem with watching people talk about me because I get so much anxiety because like I have issues even if it's it's really great stuff even if it's like when Tannen did her on boxing I like was afraid to watch it because I don't know like I just people hearing my name. Same triggers me in a weird way I think because I hate getting mature but like people always say that. I'm sure you know. Oh He loves the attention. Oh he wants. Do you know whatever it's like. Any publicity is good and I'm like no I like literally if I see my name anywhere I freak out scared I just WANNA be invisible and hide. It's my eating disorder. We're on our way home in. I feel like we should just do therapy after this. The starting points are really easy. Actually know you've always been even our collapse. He said Oh I don't even watch. Did you watch. He doesn't even us. I don't mind like watching myself if I even like sitting eating candy and stuff like that was like which also had talking to Jane. You started that because you know we started started a whole this action ended. You know remember Michel as we talked talked about her in a video drama yeah and Click on that and she just talking videos after we talked about her putting. Yeah not putting he's in. What's what's the thing that you did? What did you do? Oh Yeah what do people start to be funny. I feel buying now. No no because I saw she made a video. I think she tag me in it or something because I saw and not that. I'm searching my name because I'm not popped up on my homepage and Click Donna addressing. Something and she brought up us talking about her spitting out or something her food and when she say but she was like she thought it was quite funny and she's like I don't do that guys isn't she. was kind of like laughing about it was that was a while ago she made or was it recent because I someone told me recently like I'm a friend with home the Muslim communities in Saint now so I'm friends I stay away from all communities Is Your new series hiding the questioning. You you're going through. I remember when I was like going through a crisis in May you're like also like in the middle. It was in the midst of everything which also I was like really nice. I came over and I thought I had the worst and like your time. You have everything that you were going through. And I'm like Oh she ends food. Why did you decide to use any of that so many reasons? Do you WanNa talk about like what what it was. Why didn't include it because everyone was like the trailer made it seem like Oh my gosh all this drama? Well my whole thing the series originally he was like me going into the beauty world and like really going in like do learning everything and watching everything and trying to get some parties and PR boxes and all that stuff and it was like fun and light hearted and when the James and taty thing happened it like everything turned. Oh this is like scary. World was looking buddy every community Washington. And we I wasn't like a part of it but of course we documented. I didn't Andrew just grabs camera slightly. We've kind of documenting everything from my perspective like well. This is crazy and yes so the plan for the sears was never to like expose anybody. I don't do that. It was like I was always just going to show like even if you see the trailer. It's you know me kind of reacting to things like that's kind of what it was does I showed you the trailer like a journalist. With no opinion. We'll know just kind of like I'm in this beauty world while this thing is happening. I'm kind of like apart of watching it happen. WHOA and of course like of course I am part of it because I hate drama and I'm like I wanna fix things but like yeah? There was an element of that but when the trailer came out I was like. Oh of course I'm going to of course I'm going to put that in the trailer because it was the biggest thing that happened the BBC world and it was crazy in an emotional. I I was trying to show the trailer like when it would show his numbers falling and then it would cut to me and show me like trending like Shane dozens over like I was trying to likes show just how dark everything can get for everybody but then I get it everybody. We want the drama. I'm like it. There never really was going to be it. It's kind of like no I mean I didn't have is not like me and Taty James Jeffrey. We're GonNa like sit on the couch and you didn't go to their houses like no. You didn't talk like what Taty and oh I thought I thought you Burma but if we want to do that for a future podcasts. On the dish with Trish it seems like maybe this would be a great look. They're gonNA break there. Yeah Yeah Yeah but but no I think everybody thinks I click paid I totally. I totally agree and get it and it sucks and I wish I never put that in the trailer but right yeah. I think everything also changed because I changed the whole series right as I started uploading which I always do and everybody gets mad at me and I'm never going to not do that. So whatever but yeah I kind of changed everything I did the time jumping shit and like it change everything and so I had to kind of re edit everything how how many. How many days ahead are you not only no? You're right you're right on I. We had the whole series edited like ten nine or ten parts and then we uploaded loaded part one and then part two and just the whole vibe change like on the Internet I think all the beauty gurus like. We're enjoying seeing. You know the business stuff and then all the tubers were enjoying hearing about knowing your worth and in getting fucked over unless you're reading the comments and making live reactions to which has always been a problem of mine it's like I don't really comment and I don't WanNa look at stuff by sometimes I will and then it triggers me but then sometimes I will and I'll be like Oh God I need to fix this and then then it was like oh the time jumping. I'M GONNA change. A whole seats are his boring. I'm Jay whole series and then We've star. I started over pretty much with like everything And then November I was coming and I'm like Oh my God like the drama. Get an episode has to be its own thing. I have to really make sure that that the message. Everything doesn't trigger and make make sense that I was talking to James Talking to Tokyo's target talking to everybody seems to like make sure people were going to get upset. Whenever and the November I was right around the corner like fuck? I have a pallet coming in so I have to do the reveal. I can't like like post drama. Get in and then not and then the next day or reveal what is that like a whole thing got confused. I didn't smart though because he always accused me of that. Like starting drama before music video drops drops. I don't do that but like I mean that's no and I thought I was being stupid. I'm like Oh the way I'm going to do it. It's GonNa like people are GonNa he'll be nice and it's GonNa Whatever but Andrew Kinda the whole time was like I don't know he's like I think no matter how you do it. People are going to get mad or it's GONNA sparks true and I was like no. He's like yeah. Hi eventually was like. Oh Yeah Oh my God oh my God. And then that's when I was like okay I'll just put it off for now and ended the reveal and and then I was over at that. I point everybody behind the scenes to. It's just like there's so much more and it's so annoying and everything it's the T.. Whatever it's just it's all just whatever now you're out you're just not even reading any of the drama? The new stuff I uploaded. I'm gone I invested anymore. There's more people are saying about. They still are talking about those more sense I uploaded. I've been like in my house leaving. Just not looking at anything and then you come over here like the most scandalous risen all year. It'd be like let's. Let's talk come on Instagram instagram. Okay just keeping up with the current. All of my drama is from Insta- every every everything that I get is like that's my new source I feel like I'm missing like I see when I go on twitter and stuff I see because I follow all the drama channels because I do. It's fun like I get it. I think there is like a line where it's like a little bit late. Okay but like for the most part. It's like fine. Whatever so all things like mystery boxes this things that I'm like it's not like I don't know that sound like fun to last couple big things that just happened? John weren't what we're involving one. Yeah right what do you watch on Youtube. I'm facin because back in the day. You WanNA watch a Lisa Marie logs. Wow really yummy Ashton man do. I mean I've I've been watching a lot of boring answer by them wanting a Lotta movies which I never like. I'm like have your reaction I know you don't like burping and I'm like you. I think I did that in front of her one time and it became a thing. No no I get it. No spelling my body's rejecting me let it out. It doesn't bother me. I'm a new person. We didn't talk about the fact that we are in this new location. Have we harness. But they're not they're not seeing if you're not if you're hearing this we're in a pink studio. It's incredible I mean we came from the bottom and we are here at this is our peak. I don't think we're going to get a bigger. This is absolutely it. I Yeah I actually I know I know you. I know you don't think you are but like the biggest thing everywhere I go. People are like your change. Change what he was getting so huge. You know but like I'm not getting any time I go anywhere it's like an I love it. It's the best. You're the best person musician with everyone's like. Oh my God Shane that Shane. Is it like every single person show was like Tajiks at as a community not like live with him again just like like no. You're the most biggest because they know. I mean Youtube rewind. How'd you feel about being in that? Did they ask you or reprised. They so I didn't. I've never done it before because I like being on camera. I know that's another feel people are gonNA think I'm lying. It feel like everything I say. We're GONNA line doesn't matter but it does but no. I don't like being on camera. It's like my nightmare in every single way. Anytime he andrew films me I hate it and I have to edit it and I look at myself. And it's a nightmare youtube rewind. I never was going to do that because I'm like that's like a movie camera and like yeah and that's a whole yeah. They get the production out. There can't look at that but yeah they reach out a while ago and we want to use a clip of video or something so I kind of knew what it was just GonNa be clips. Then I got nervous because I saw you to promoting it like they were like posting like a picture of my conspiracy room and it was like you know and then like pd pie like his headphones. I was just thinking like I'm like tyler boat like single. Whatever Kelly the clip shows this? I'm not gonNA even your worth it though on twitter. You're like Oh did you say like I'm happy to be in this or something. I think our klay quote Jeffrey or something because it was cool to see like the low somebody made like a little montage like me and Jeffrey the biggest moment but yeah but no I don't on just watched another one youtuber made musical. Did you see it you. You were very busy person. Who played yet you you yeah? That was really really like watching those things. Do you watch people when they wouldn't watched that if 'cause I once again I don't know if I pop up in this I'm GonNa be scared but the girl who made it tweeted me and was like yeah. I told her that and I was like Oh and then the guy who choreographed it I worked with years ago. Yeah it's awesome so I was like okay. It's not going to be mean so that I watched I watched it yesterday. It's really I don't think you're in it. You're not I don't think so considering not on the Youtube Raider. I'm like shadow beyond on Youtube now. I'm like pitch that I was going to pitch you to for Youtube rewind like two years ago or something Because I because I was I wanted I wanted to try. Hi Thank God. It didn't cause people there's another reason hate me but I had like all these ideas and I think I might have told me I didn't I was like Oh. They should do Youtube rewind. You do like a like a movie mixed with a musical mixed with like just crazy like like somebody going through. You know a big crazy house house in each room or area in the houses different moment from the year of Youtube. And it's like but like you're trapping you're scared colleagues. Saw and like I wanted to one of them like you see like water leaking from under a door. And what is that. What's going on and then you'll you open it and it's you and your floating on like wait like actually me? Yeah Yeah I I knew crying and the whole room filling with your tears and then you're just like crying and there's a fridge behind you and I'm like where am I just like yelling. You're you just like a drowning. Oh my God save like another youtuber and it's like will Smith and you sound like I had all these ideas like just like epic moments and then I was like I was like well anything I do. People are GonNa hate me so I guess I won't take Andrew Valentine on it. Okay take two thousands. I think first of all the reality is you could pitch any idea and like ninety nine percent of people would love it like actually like literally to take anyone like all of your fans all of your audience but also that idea sounds really. I mean we should just do that. In general that should have tricia pages experience like Oh my God look an excape room okay. Once again with me ten percent come what is community. And here's the thing and I told you this since day one you are a icon legend but also like you're just like you're just like a pop culture figure. It doesn't matter how many of us you're getting how many this or how many. Ah It's like literally you are always going to be iconic like and I've always told you that from the very beginning I was just like I have that gut feeling about certain people and I had the same thing about Tanna and same thing about Jeffrey and same thing about certain people where I'm like. Everything is in waves right like popularity this whatever but like no like. You're literally true. Are you serious I agree. It doesn't matter if your videos or this or that so anytime you say that I just WanNa like no. It doesn't matter it doesn't matter through either they're like your channel is actually doing very well read twitter and everyone's like wow you really are sucking the you know when you hear that you're just like Oh. I think it's going to be so interesting. I'm not just talking about This someone this morning but the mental side effects that you guys are dealing with in every influence her. Who's been on the platform especially for as long as you both have been it? There's just so many like mental repercussions that you have to deal with because of reading comments and thinking that you always you have to do something next and not having a schedule and not having a routine. There's this like I just can't wait 'til it's actually studied and you guys shaming ashamed of one. You too I mean I know you have your own issues but you've never like how like you don't have mental health struggles abuse bipolar depression bipolar. It's like no I see what you're saying board on I know I see I see I actually very recently have been like okay. I actually need to like I. I went to therapy for uh-huh certain things issues but the biggest issue wife have his body just morphine. And I always thought like Oh bodies morpheus says look in the mirror and you think you're fat and that that's it right and then as I started gaining weight I was like well now on just getting fat seeing you say your body just morphine also has a whole `nother thing I didn't even know I never fully looked in because once again I get like scared and triggered what am I gonna find out but literally like stay body just feel also makes you anxious depressed makes you stay inside all the time makes you hide all the time makes you pick your skin which I have all. I've always had my arms and my neck just like little open wounds because they pick always anxious and like it was like all these things mood swings like all these things that I was like. Oh my God I should get like actually treated for this talked about in therapy. But then the discussion always went back to Bulimia Humira. I'm like oh now that I'm not doing the blame you anymore. I need to really look into this more of you. I didn't know it was like so. That's kind of like a mental illness. I mean I don't well I think there's a there's A. There's a large difference between you know there's mental health issues just in general but there's also you know personality disorders and then there's mood swings and then there's actually Lee stuff like you know. Bipolar and fonder is a mental. Just because you have to go to psychotherapy I. I don't know what it's not not a personality trait or a mood disorder. Anything it's it's it's I don't know I think for me. It falls under the same stuff as anxiety and depression. And just not loving yourself and like all but is it something. You're in love with forever. I think my issues I want to live with forever. Yes I think I'll have this forever no matter what I know you on so hopeless. I don't no maybe maybe maybe like first of all in therapy when I was going through all this like. You can't say it's true like you can't put that in the world like you are doing everything in your power to get better so my therapist says the same thing. I'm like. Yeah but no matter what I am going to be this like. I'm happy being single mom everything but as soon as I'm going to like I I just know myself. I I wish like I understand logically everything people say like okay. You can't be dependent on a guy but I will always be like and that's PDF. It's something from childhood thing the like you don't have to be putting into the PDF see like people who go to war. I mean you can't just like get rid of the stuff. That's a little bit different like these are thought patterns that are able to you know. But it's something for my child. What I'm saying? It's stemming from the reason why I'm like one needing love from these people the same thing I mean with your child I mean you've had like a pre traumatic adequately part of me thinks that's why we like always connected because we both have like I. I think it's PTSD. That's a strong word but I do think it is. Because it's like something child is still was like triggering you know and then some way. Well Yeah I mean you. I think it's like you know. How do you cope with it like I? I think all your issues. You have certain ways that you cope within some of them might be unhealthy or or talk sicker. Whatever same thing for me but like I think you view as you're growing I feel like I feel like you've learned everything I say? Now people could take making it look like I in writing. She thinks she's learned. No but I do like I told you when I walked in this house. I was just like so overwhelmed because I was like. Oh my God like I've I've envisioned and you being happy and a happy environment like for so long and it like made me cry. It was a crazy like I duNno. Just the energy here is so good because I I mean. I've been here for a long time like this. I don't know the whole thing. So I feel like you are coping with things better than I do and I see like I'll see a tweet either of yours being like I'm about to pull up my kitchen floor and then the video won't come and I'm like Oh good. See I've ever known. Yeah okay because there Bert. Two weeks ago because I got I'm not gonNA even bringing hit. The situation doesn't matter but I made the video and everything and I had an edit and I was like am and I woke up the next day or whatever because I'm going to leave because I was like doing that and I was still kind of like I'm so happy because I was living here now. I'm so happy I don't like what you're saying. The people think I love attention at all. Go tension I do drama for attention but it actually gives me anxiety like you remember like even not bring it up but like Halloween. What like three years ago? My issue like vacuuming anxiety. I couldn't eat. I was even posting it. I had anxiety like I remember. You were there with me. I went downstairs. It was you Andrew in the kitchen. And you're like I don't like further record chain always as bad as I usually make a video because people love sometimes because we're friends like wow like shane why aren't you. It's like well. We do talk and also he does tell me like don't do. This is but also like I was like nope going on and doing it because I needed to at that time but also I regret those videos but like I guess the whole point of that is like I know the like I can. I can now be like I don't need to do that. 'cause I'm happy then I wasn't happy. I WANNA bring it on everybody even earlier this year and now I'm just so happy the but gave me anxiety was my point. I came back up and I was like shaking. Oh my God I'm so scared. I'm so scared like whatever and that's and that's what it was like this year and then when I was gonNA put video like are they going to call you to get my channel down. Are they going to be mad at me is Are People going to come to my house. I started getting those anxiety. None of this is worth it like you know so. That's kind of so. I guess we'll get coping. I guess is the right word because like you'd never really get over over. Trauma may be fully. But Yeah I think that you really came all the way around to that really because you are getting better both of you you too every day. And that sounds really preachy Belykh. That's something that I think. You really have to remember every single day you are. That's the goal list to get better like. You're not always going to have the same problems you can keep working on it. If trauma is trump of course but like there's always things that you can do to get yourself better I look and again not savvy Avi like all emotional but like I look at you truly because like when we started when we were friends you were in like such. Can I say this. I don't really like really kind of like dark space but even though you always been successful what you had a movie coming out like you remember talking about two thousand fourteen fourteen. I feel like that you're like she doesn't thirteen to two thousand fourteen. It was like yeah. I don't know I don't look even talk about this and I think that's when I like when I met you to. This was before. Are Your coming out video coming out. Twenty fourteen. It was some time before the video because I I remember I remember even even when you told me that I always knew people that come down. I was just like you know because people had said that or whatever. 'cause you're whatever but I was like I. I don't think so when he did. It was always but I didn't know all of that stuff but like you're in like I was in a dark place. I'm always been dark space until this year literally. This is the first time I've ever been having in my life which is weird but no the darn thing so to see you like now like engaged like so like like really even congratulations on that. That is crazy. Yeah I know you just literally is like so crazy. 'cause like I feel like we were both like those people who are like. We're always going to be alone. I always out like you because I always thought. Wow you'd like to be alone and it's the worst feeling and then like to see so happy it's like it's like every it's like all would like and like you like you know. He didn't like he didn't do youtube before he met. You like soda is so genuinely. Let's just your happiness. It's like really you're success. Really just been like you know what Shane. Shane found someone. And like you have issues like the fact that you found it like is so solid like like menu so it gave me hope not to make this. Because I don't think it really gave me like so much hope that I might. You know it's all timing you know what I mean because it was like and I just I just knew you at that time when you broke your leg and like all this coming out and stuff like that because you broke your leg before Egypt coming and I just remember like you were so dark and like you the end. You're like kind of interrelationship but I'm getting out of and stuff like that and I was just like to see you do this in the cab a healthy relationship and stuff like that and it's just like it made me gave me so much hope of one day I'll relationship like sorry we are just so like when I'm with you guys like the Fourth of July which is Rhode Island's family there and you and like I more or less invited myself over because I was really miserable. I was really dark and I was like. Hey what are you doing and you know you can come by his family and I. It came by and like Ryland has always been just like so openly he was with his family and he could have been like maybe not treasure what he was like. Yeah come and his mom says everyone is just been like so and I'm so happy for you because you kind of have like the family with him now. His family is your family. And it's like and I know you've always wanted that like solid family and you have that I'm like I'm I'm just really happy for you and it's inspired me as what I'm saying so seriously and this whole year is just so emotional for armie like just the fact that you know you've been going through so much I just I'm just I'm so happy for you and and I just I like I said not to make it about me but it's inspired like really kept me like an talk because she's going through dark thing. I'm like look at Shane. And they always say that. Like you've just gone like such. It's just amazing to see your whole life like you've really just and you're just so Sahlin Alan stuffing I don't know I was really nice and we'll always be like this is cheesy but but it's true like everything reading is eighty you. It's like one hundred percent. Sure and I think I don't know because I'm more emotional issue. I mean I've always emotional but I haven't cried all year and it's a good cry though and I'm not only kitchen. I know I know she like literally. I'm like literally not to be like. Oh my God ucla but like honestly. I love you so much and I I mean that's a very common thing that people say to you but that he's saved their lives. I mean and it's so dramatic right when people say Okay I did it but you don't know because you aww because when I when people say but like everyone that I work with everybody Moran Dole Tanno 'cause because he because you and that's what the drama like you cutting the drama out of your like thing because you actually care about we've all you know what I mean which is like not to whatever but a lot of people I don't care about people and Youtube youtubers don't care they're they're cold and it's about money and views and that's I guess fine because it's like their career choice but Shane's Shane's never been like that ever that ever like he's helped literally people like beyond things you can note. I won't mention it but like things like behind the scenes like and and I'm like you need to stop doing that for people like yeah overtly and I was like okay like taking care of everybody even even people that I remember after Tannock on I sent you a text and I was like. Hey Man is there any way you can take my name out of that sock and you were just like yeah no problem out of the. What out of the dock? That he made for ten consciously case it was like yeah. It was just so nervous that it was going to. I didn't know how everything was going to play out and I didn't want to get in the first place. Yeah Oh Promo especially with it not at all yeah. You're scared. Yeah I mean I think your career was over. You know because you're associate so closely with Diana no I really didn't WanNa do it in a head on record so I was pretty queer that documentary like honestly honestly because like tanner was like. You can't really fully cancel someone like Logan potluck you know he's been canceled. You can't really handsome someone and like she eventually. What about like she was like? Hey I like crazy. Isn't national like I did before that I thought was the sweetest thing that I've ever heard in my whole life and I love you so much and That's so I mean and that's why we that's why I cried when I got here because I feel the same way. It's like this this house this energy of this new thing. It's very like even just taxing you like. We've been texting about things. And it's I just feel like twenty twenty is going to be like like really good and all the things things that you've been putting so much work into emotionally like it's all going to pay off. Unlike you're gonNA find somebody and I know the needy thing I get the same thing. My my problem is which is why it did take a while with Ryland in the beginning because like my issues too. It's like oh they they don't really like me Because I'm fat and I'm ugly the and I'm this and I'm that I know this is this. I need to find anything I can find to make this. Not Real proof receipts like he's cheating or he he doesn't like me. Who's you texting about me? Like all these things and then there was nothing and then I was like well. Then what is it. Why is he dating? It doesn't make sense than than I see tweets or I see the people making fun of me and why's Ryland with him and yeah and it took me a long time but now I'm finally at a place where I'm like. Oh he just loves me and I guess that's that's like I think that's the problem you know we're just like oh they just love us because there's always a condition of thing reason that something they need or they want. I think that is a childhood thing you know. Because that's like the only love that we have felt you know what I mean and so it's like it's it would to me. I still think that might. I'M NOT GONNA lie in same thing. I'm fat grows like people make fun of me. People like I'm dramatic. Whatever and so? What was the turning point? I guess like when like that you were like dude. Just click like back for me like happiness just clicked all of a sudden but did it. Just click where you're like. Oh this is actually a real deal. Oh proof crew remember exactly when but He said I love you I will he well. Oh he did. It was like very like nervous and him just being like I don't even remember exactly what he said but it was something along the lines of like you know like so. Do you love me or something like that or not. Do you love me. But it was something similar to that and then like I think that moment in particular is a big moment meant for me. I've just like Oh this is like because before me. His dating life was very like one a couple dates. Never talk to them again. Like not interested or I knew that so I should have known after a few months. And this is like real but you know our heads loosely. He's GonNa wake up and be like in the everyday meeting his family like you said that was a big one. Because I don't really have that much family so that So that's really really cool I don't know but I'm still mass. I mean I feel like yeah especially right now I feel I feel pretty low right now. I mean I told you. I haven't if my house in long time. I like I during the editing process. It's always bad for me. I always don't sleep. I eat bad. I don't work out like I usually do. I stop washing gnashing my face. I like all these things I had done throughout the year to feel better or fucking out the window and then then it's getting wrapped up in comments and people are mad at me and they're always a hate hate me or like me or they hate me or they're like me and it's like every day's different and I think I announced like detoxing just like I feel very like I just got off roller coaster. Yeah Jordan here I know a lot of you. Create your own podcast and a lot of you already. We have one like me. I obviously love what I do. It's taken a lot of hard work to get to this point of success. 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But it's just about like that mentality that you always can get better and that you want to get better and then you can. That's a starting place I think But it's incredible that like you can also have the horrible days or weeks or months like out of my year of not bad that if you had the thirty literally not. That was beautiful now. I know that you're a self help. Assorted like like four years ago. I really helps like this like why we don't WanNa better than like. What are we doing? Sure all right And so yeah and if you make it a habit I mean you can do all of that stuff that you did last year you were doing affirmations you were writing on a whiteboard with your trainer right. I remember that was like Oh. That's kind of I. I can't fully do that Irish Bulls but I like right angles and I believe but I believe. My biggest manifestations always come from Jane I swear this is so manifesting for me. That's why I like to be around. I swear by say maybe like twenty twenty. I think you're like that. Wow He's all the way the in the best way every everything from my music like may music videos like he introduced me to like me music video director and I was like Oh and that was after your podcast like in that really really old recording studio are you went and you told me about it. And now that's like my happiness music and music videos and going on tour and stuff like that and then just like stuff over the years everything this podcast which we were talking talking about like I had like this. It wasn't really it was on soundcloud or something and he's always at it. Yeah wait what did you manifest a big fan of it on instagram. So you heard it here. I created glitter created. He's behind it actually. Actually well. I'll get into that about it because it's like. Oh do we not like it anymore. Now kind of shocked. When I opened up the box doc sent me and like the lip gloss and everything had like branding on it? Yes I was like. Oh this isn't just like a subscription box. This is like your own things yet did you. Were you guys coming for your brand. I was like Whoa. What does this mean like? I guess I just had so many questions. Yeah that's what I was attracted me to it. Was the boxes like Oh this is all my own brain and then we got like brands in there too. I mean those mostly like Jordan and he got all all of that route. Because I didn't know how to do it so that's why I wanted like a manager because I could never knew like how even this podcast like podcast one and I don't know how you go about getting podcast deal like I didn't know any of that stuff so like and same thing with glitter Bech. We did that. It's like a work in progress. I think we did really well. Like with the subscription model but a subscription model is tough to keep up once a month once every other month. So we're trying to convert into just a store now. You're but honestly like after seeing your merge Omega like like your merchandise outrageously this thing that we're talking about like the pig backpack is that is so Ebay for like five hundred dollars five hundred. He's been with. The backpack is going for five hundred. Yeah and I was like on you know what I bought beloved sauce for two hundred dollars on Ebay and it goes for Twenty Amazon. Bits and sold out for six months on cool. Don't are younger than on Ebay as bad but also those knockoffs are they reno. UB scares me sometimes. Because I used to buy stuff on Ebay like when I do those like my kitchen videos trying things and I used to buy Jeffrey makeup on Ebay. Because I couldn't get it and I didn't know anything about him and time and I'm like I guess you just go to make up when you get it and yeah I would using videos now looking back. I'm like Oh that was very fake and I probably like infection. Yes worse. Don't do it. I think Jeffrey Lake talked about that. One time how leg is literally causing people to break out and like. There's like this girl. I watched documentary about this girl. Like got a Kylie lip kit but with lip gloss. It's superglue Whoa Ebay or something. Just makes and superglued her mouth close us and like no way. China's made it over there. You have the. I think it was try. I try to you know it was it was like it's a whole athletes. I forgot the name of it was like I feel like once you realized it was Kinda sticky. Maybe just don't put your lips together. People don't know though like you WanNa know consistency like I wouldn't have known I used cheap palace and stuff like that and then like again not to whatever but when I use like Jefferson pilot with him like it's it's such a difference but you wouldn't know unless you yeah where you've had like a nice pat. I've never had house. I use cheap house all the time like still to this day Fancy like try the shadow on. But it's like you can't tell the difference but you wouldn't know unless you've tried it at the expense of palate and is a difference and then also my eyes have breakouts on my eyes and my lips because I was always using knock off because I would get knocked off make ah Gucci makeup and stuff and I was like. I guess I was not to do what you have now. You have the pig backpack it sold out so you don't get it. I mean you can't get honest I might have to get onto Ebay. Get it no. It's all right you can. I know you never buy it on Ebay. Then ask before you can text me. But I don't know I didn't even have this stupid story I like yeah. I didn't even like we had the green hoodies and I didn't even and get one because he was sold out and I was like waking everybody he was like they're gone. Fuck yes that's why I don't because people ask me for like merging while I was like I never give you merged but as you can get one but I'd like order it's I never because that's the thing like a lot of times. They're like skimpy companies can skip even like my mind. Can I get a box like you know what I mean. Meanwhile I literally like I would I would get taxed from youtubers being like we want one of the pictures and I I would never I would always do it. But then once they would post all these youtubers deeming me and stuff and I would be on Amazon late night. Like what's your address. bookkeepers like what's going on. You're like ordering these hacked like merged. Why are you doing this because I can't just email Amazon? Can you say me by my shirts. The fuck you know. We're not that's not what is it. I mean maybe they would have been really hard. I've never like give give it whatever but even when he was over the I got. I got the first package I was very. I was very excited. I remember Jeffrey facetime. In the morning before lunch has over thirty. I mean like you know Jeffrey race is you're he's always like a fabulous and be like what's up bitch and he's like he was like he goes so we're only going to send a you. This collect as a and that day I had plans because I was getting married the next day so I was like I was trying to get everything around. I like handled everything. I like to make apartment. No I have to review this. I'm the first words I never get sent. Pr Anything. Thank God it the day before I got it up that night. I'M GONNA be the for. I felt like such a youtube. I literally when you posted that too. I think by far because I remember when it was Halloween and me and Ryland had all been trying to figure out like should do something as you would do science and I like what do we don't. We don't have parties or anything anything and then we're like getting ready and then you posted that video and I thought I'm like Oh my God and I press play and I sat down in my closet. I was watching that down next to me and I just like sobbed like I cried so hard. I think it was when you said when this whole pack up when you said like you you don't really ever get pr. You're like this and just you holding it in like I like lost because it was so special to me like you had it first. You're opening winging it like you're my friend. It was like I've been wanting that moment all year because like you I think the first Shadai named yeah it's like the first one we slide things just see it happening. It was like that was the first time I saw somebody else holding it to really. Yes so it was like the craziest most emotional Oceana like oh my God and I was having kind of a bad day. I was really nervous about the launch. I was really nervous about so many things and not just like Oh my God corologis. Santa Claus just cried both us and we were just like Oh my God and then at the end of it. I'm like wait because like you had everything else on my oldest you touch everything. Yeah and then the next day I think it was the next day he posted like apart and loving the merchant apple it because it was such a big thing and like I know that next eight richest like overall Pfizer crashing. Such A. Were you like I mean. It was just an incredible amount of people who responded. They were tweeting. What the difference between like Shane's crying now? The only God like I couldn't even it yet a lot of stuff out. Because you're on the floor crying I think Took a page out of. Her book is definitely happened and it was pretty bad. I mean I cut a lot out because the shop if I want to start a whole nother chop it was because it got really bad way worse than what was in the video it just got so because multiple reasons but like I when I found out how many people were waiting and I knew we didn't have that many pallets it like fucked me up. Designed designed was just way too hot fan like I had the same feeling of like well I would be waiting. I would want this thing if you know so. I'm thinking about those people maybe people who don't have that much money or who have them and I think about like moms and sons. I know it's weird because it's so personal but like I think about my mom and like if I was a kid and I'm just seeing all these people not get it A.. And like that destroyed me and fucked me up with with that in mind like should you have started with a presale. No all my money to do. That's my problem is i. And this is where it all came to a head like my biggest problem is I have no confidence and I think everything I touch is going to fail Ale and then when it does well I'm shocked and I cry and I feel so happy but then I'm always like well but the next thing is going to fail the next series he he was. Thank with your second launch. Like I'm so nervous. I'm like a mini. Like I just. I don't know it's probably a mental issue but it's something in my head that won't let me feel like good or like so. Maybe it was based on statistics. Like how many have I sold in the past three runs like what's my chances of selling the same amount around now now. My brain doesn't work like that though. 'cause even Jeffrey I would have to tell myself well. Geoffrey cells makeup. So like I guess Jeffries people buy it but then I literally Jeff. What if they don't buy it because like your fans does your makeup lovers and they're gonNA be like WHO's fucking Shane? I had all those stats. And we're doing the series. Yeah Gee I thought seriously because you haven't been the beauty community at all even when you're doing collection like it's not like I ever doubted but I like the Hudson interesting like because you always like that your videos I kind of get it but the whole collection and then like the whole brand of like pig with the ex's now is like Oh my God this. It became like so genius but like when you told me what I was like so confusing you want us started like doing makeup. I always thought at first. It was a joke I was like. Oh he's like joking around like trying to be part of this community mocking parroting it or something and then when you were like actually saw mommy did or make something and I was like that was like legitimate like that you were practicing and I was like Oh my God. He's like taking this seriously and it was like that was like I think that and I think I was like smart. Not put the drama because it was such like it was like a whole rebrand almost like for you just like your whole series. That's why I was asking about like another series if you were even going to do because that was just such a at Bec- you know what I mean. I know you don't want to do serious wherever you had talked about that before. Like you'll never do another race. No not like that not like a any. I think three parts Max. What now too? Many originally and I don't think I ever said nine. I hinted like maybe nine because at the time it was. It's not a you guys really want more. I'm really you guys want more episodes of this done like how much more like. Oh give me the bonus. Can we actually come on. Let's put the drama get in Zona. Can we have been talking about getting on fans together a lot to me. Geoffrey Geoffrey I was talking about the ones. We all go on only fans with everything I would love. That'd be I would love to see what only fans is only fit. Do people have only fans that don't jerk off like like is it no. I've only known about it from Porn Porn. It's like jerking off. It's like sex. I mean people are getting on there to to masturbate right relationships. This some guys just use sexy signature so I don't know if they make ally interesting with porn. It's like with like you or somebody you can like. I totally get the only advancing. I like actually really get it. Subscribe to whom I wrote my whole no but like I get it. It's like a personal connection action. You see this person these things but like you have pictures of like random Dixon South Lake like is there people that do only fans and they don't show their dicks or they're a great question. I don't think so. I think they show at least like like their desks. Like even if they're not touching I think they just hanging there like nigger Kado avocado the only fans and I think he's just as belly. Yeah this usually like I would pay for that though. Is this this. May this may be like weird but I I thought about that. I had like a couple of dreams about you having it only hands. It's very weird because I'm always for some reason when I watch the guys randomly. Oh this is a little. It's a little guys on bumble and seven guys like send me them like jerking off or something and I'm Kinda like Oh that's not really an aggressive jerk off and for some reason at night when I lay down but I always always think of like Shane aggressively jerking awfully. I don't know why you're staying up later. Then rylance I just picked him like I agree I think if you like aggressively jerking off as a fan would have a really powerful jerk insane. 'cause like I feel like if somebody's thinking about me jerking off first of all. Sorry that's a disorder. But if you're thinking about that I see as like sad and like oh I'm probably crying and I'm probably really like hiding or I'm in a ghost costumes. Shane season so jerking off. He sees himself but like if I can see like aggression aggression Russian into your so. Gosh I don't know judge people. Based off of how aggressive they yeah and I can picture shame being very aggressive and I thought he only fans but I don't need the money so much shame because it's not about money but about Komo news time I'm really not your and you don't eat any money. That's you can't manifest this for you. You are you an aggressive stroke or all of a sudden I mean let me think. I don't think it's aggressive. I think I am you grunt no dirt by myself. Why would I want to wake anybody up? Oh you'll get quiet waking people up when I masturbate. The pulled up just weeds old pummel world's invited her over survey. What's kind of ODY's imprison thing next to me? I like to wake up so they can hear me. So they know I'm ready instead of a rooster relate to that is so funny it. Would you like to wake up in Kurt relationship but there has been times in the past. Where like if it doesn't happen when you thought it was and maybe the person was kind of string you along and you're just like I thought this whole night we're Kinda Kinda and like that and then you're kind of like you don't want to touch them or because we we are so then you kind of start doing yourself and your and then you're hoping maybe they'll wake up and join which happens sometimes? Sometimes they just what are you doing I was like I don't know that's happened to the relationship I'm not saying like on. I hate scandal. We love it. We love scandal just getting by the way. Yeah Yeah No. It's true. Well that's what I think too. I was in a scandal of Lake last relationship. Because I would say that I would have sex with me sleeping and everyone thought that was like so. We had the understanding I told living. I love that one. Guys' wake me up like like if you have an understanding again like you're like hey I like it when you wake up your Dick inside me like this understanding like yes do that and that was our understanding where everyone's like. Wow this you had sex with him while he was sleeping like he woke up. Blake of how would you do or wait. While they're sleeping. You just start with like a handy in and they start getting your sleep. You can get hard but wakeup uh-huh maybe. If you're like a heavy sleeper girls easier to slide in maybe maybe we don't have to wake her consensual and I always get permission ahead of uh-huh maybe you won't wake her relationship. I've had to. That's so weird that we've seen conversation and and it it didn't really come from me. I've had relationships where it's been. Yeah the other person's like if you just on sneaking in at night whatever and I don't think I how how soon intimate relationships you guys usually have that conversation. I don't know I in two days. We think oh by the way. I don't mind it if you've had sex. I guess you're just like you start telling about kings whenever it's like normal he's like oh actually like this. I don't know but I really what I was trying to get you on. Only I don't know if that's GonNa happen guys but maybe listen. Maybe that's my next. You know what I'm not afraid of that community like maybe that community the only community. Could you imagine I would let me tell you a whole series user. You want something on one time and I want you to do a whole series or even unsexy threes series. I used to interview people who did different things. Sister sister is watching your videos constantly. She's setting halls. And every time I come home. She's like watching like conspiracy videos. mcbrayer gotTa make this Mike. What she's like? She just like she listened to him on the car. Since everything's rewatching watching all your old conspiracy videos were supposed to so I think those are showband speaking about shadow Ben. Yeah pretty sure. All Youtube hates conspiracy theory videotapes. I really do it now. Yeah they're they're like pushing against it. They're not going to support it at all. I don't necessarily know I think because because it's just it's kind of stirring the wrong messaging maybe or not necessarily the wrong. I mean it's just like education thing for kids. Oh I don't know that's weird but yeah no. I'm pretty sure I read that. They are going to be strict about that. Do you think you'll be on youtube forever. Yeah and I used to not think that and we talk about it and I'd be like I think there's even a video of US joking when I was trying to find a good clips of us for episode where you know whatever on. I found one where we were joking about like. Oh God if we're doing this in eight years and that was like eight years ago I don't know I think now it's a different relationship with if it's like I don't post every day I like I'll post and then I'll go and I'll be in my head whatever and they come back and hopefully people's don't want but yeah I like that. I don't like the whole like posting every day or every week or feeling like because I did that for so many years and now that I don't have to do that like yeah it's like it's way more yeah enjoy. That's where I'm at because because I'm not making the money on Youtube I'm like I'm just do stuff that I really liked doing. So I'm trying to change my content that way to just like like quality because I do love making videos like music videos and even like ideas that I have some time in the car just like I like making videos. You'RE GONNA interested in watching Trish on Broadway because that's one of our future sure plans. Oh Yeah manifesting twenty. When you've always wanted I WANNA do Broadway so bad I would? I want to do any Williams Day job and then I'll go beyond because he's probably leaving soon. I'm assuming because she is not doing that while I've heard allegedly. I don't know what's more next because like I've always I mean we've always talked about it but I was always like. Oh Oh I think you should do this this and this. You're going to be the next this this and this like now that you're doing this podcast stuff. Are you wanting to go more toward like the Howard Stern. Row The thousand per se and. I didn't think it was possible because again I didn't know even how you get it like I remember when you had your podcast. I was like in that sat. And that's just like how do you get this and and you use like midnight. What was it was the name of it? You're playing she. Did you have midnight one on comedy. Central No oh no no Shane Green and it but no it didn't it didn't it was the best I remember the stats or not the screen. Right before like Thanksgiving and John I remember even. That's another example of Shane being like he was so concerned. Because he's like these people are losing their jobs before like things like it was just like so blind they cut it would collapse. It was so weird. The full screen the touring company too. I was with them. I four and they just collapsed and I remember someone there you might want to get your invoicing right away. Collapsing gotten paid one. CASSANDRA did you get paid I surprisingly because I don't know how I would have done it but yeah I don't know I like I love this like and that's what I'm saying like I. I do love Youtube and I'm not one of those people. I Never WanNa be on Youtube. I WANNA go out because once you get off of Youtube. It's different. Verbiage has changed. I mean a couple eight years ago. I think you're right like eight years. Oh you're youtuber plum youtube or like it wasn't it was a bad thing to say and especially if you didn't have like an actual following following like to a massive degree like people just made fun of you so it wasn't cool to say like yeah I'm GonNa be doing Youtube in eight years from now. It was made you look like a loser or like like you were nervous that you would look like that but I think the the verbiage now for most people like this is where my career like the engine of everything that I create is Youtube you. So why would you the engine. It's a great platform. I know you said you don't watch as many videos now. You watch more movies and stuff but like I am obsessed with you like unhealthy way now so many people are watching. Oh my God I'm like really into like the AM. And I started my own anything MARGINEAN. I love eating a lot of said. I don't know if that's the thing insane. I didn't know I've never seen eight. Let us have the biggest ass. Marcello finished Video Series on my own where I ate like the joker for a week. So so you like Joaquin Phoenix for a week whereas an apple a day and some lettuce. That's all you could eat for ten days. I was my favorite movie. I've seen in so long walking Phoenix Diet and you'll see my results and my youtube channel but Lettuce they wanted to do this this this week. Yeah Oh no yeah I have. Yeah I had created cream fresh cheese was I feel like I do these. Mock bunger literally on my way. Here you posted a picture with him. Yes yes okay. That's Korean fried cheese with today so I was like I had pizza last night. And then are you around next week. I am no but like eating disorder in the but I can't eat which has nothing to do with no because I'm the same way and I try not to do this anymore but I don't have anything to do this for but like when I had starved myself. I'm like you don't want to hang out with. I'm not happy I'm not. I'm not in the mood delay. Kiki like I was tired and drained all the time so I was like I know but that's how I am. I can't socialize and actually walking meetings said that he couldn't socialized while he was on that like what was the actual diet. It's just one apple. A dating need as much as you want is not advisable. I did it for ten days so honestly constipated me. Me and I didn't lose as much as I thought I was a little like. I was a little annoyed because it Kinda constipated me towards the end at the beginning of losing lots. There's like really really healthy ways to lose weight. No I just wanted to. I just wanted to put it out there on that note like I mean this goes up and down on. Do you WanNa always lose weight and like be skinnier for now. I'm ready to just be fat and happy for a minute and getting getting getting Dr in accepting knowing that like he loves sabotage. Big Bar is it. That's when you see me in real life you're just like oh like I the pig I get it so if you if not insult not anymore can I tell you someone mood at me. In art someone went. No do they know who you are no but I I was. I didn't get it and I. I was wearing a cow dress. I had a cow to come on. I feel like they would have mooted traumatize. No you were wearing a cowdrey yesterday during my music or yesterday I was supposed the scene. Where like sexiest pick me up jump on my straddle? He puts me on the bed and then I jumped on him. Cedric was going through the micro For going through the blocking and he he gets picked up by sexy. CNN he puts it on the bed and then he turns around jump on on sexy Sana cedric and he broke the bed. That would have happened to me. I thought it was very about cheesecake factory where I broke a chair. One that she's heroes. I don't like to send chairs. I sit and boots and so that if that would happen to me if I would have had to like jump and I broke the bat in front of everybody I would honestly. That happened to a kid in my high school. He broke the the lunch table bench and we all did remember well not like we didn't say anything about it. I mean me personally things things. Obviously there was a girl on the bed prior so things like obviously things happen. It's not because you're but because that's in our head. I have no idea why Lincoln when it broke the chair. Take Twenty Oh terrified of sitting on anything. Even this couch. I felt the couch before. Checked it out. It's it's a fat people couch referred yet. That's why because I didn't want me to sink because I don't like when I'm on I was on something entertainment tonight that ask your Gracie that guy who's it's like. He like. He has a couch. And the whole time sitting I just looked so fast affirm couches set me up so I don't look disgusting but I was GonNa. Seo I was gonna ask you about branding Moose Moose Kalvoda New York being fat and not as depressed. Trish really helped me this year. Though right I was leaving you. Weren't you a ton of math and I lost some weight. That's how they haven't been able to some. Maybe it wasn't children children. It wasn't it wasn't I I was on my birthday. I actually had no idea. Yeah she told me later I was like. Oh yeah the the first therapy as the day went to your house when that whole James James Charlton. They've broken I went to therapy. Maybe try to reach out to friends. I have no friends. And that's the other thing. I always have no friends and I do. And that's happier. I've been reaching out to people to hang out have have dinner with me so much. Happier Scott's dinner now like Angel or Cedric and change reach out because I was just think everyone's busy time for me and and also I'm not a great friend when ramming relationship. I'm not a great friend so like coming out of relationship I feel weird like reach back out to friends and Shane right of different levels. You one of those people that were like you know they all and I always. It's like you're on those people where we could not see each other for a long time and I know it's it's exactly where we left off. Yeah every anytime we relationship relationship or whatever it was like the beginning of stiffener. Yeah and people don't know that I feel like because like and that was like maybe a year before we actually became friends but allie casting. There's like a website you're casting more. Yeah that's dripping and no. She needed a strippers for a music video parody and and we'll video. It's called the one who turn to you. I love watching that video still because like I remember that also had no lips no boobs at the time like I was like I was I was the one stripper for not wearing a bikini address. I was so self conscious and got hired. I did this a lot and honestly casting get hired because I had like really like good poses. And then I'd feel there's a consciously hire all these like skinny hot girls. Did you notice that I use your footage the most. Oh which was crazy. I wonder why was always wondered that today because we were so pretty ready and like you just knew what you were doing. The hair flip this expressions and every video really. Yeah because I was the one that got like Gibbs. Shane like the Little Lake Hair Dance Latvians and they had all these girls leaving big boobs and like bikinis I was featured. I've got like the line. I remember lines at the end. All gene's friends at the time because I wasn't in that group like he had like a clique of friends. I always videos together and stuff like that anyway. Sorry trigger for a second against somebody in that Frank Swath that like like recorded heels all the time with each other but because she wasn't invited and I wasn't in their group but I watched them. Yeah well I didn't watch him at the time but I was all these are all friends like they're like. Yeah we all make videos together. And that's remember that I would never say that you. You didn't know you were like so. Yeah yeah I know he was. Oh my God so nice and like I remember him coming. If you could stay like an hour extra will pay you more money even though like if if you don't have to like one of those jobs are like flat and we'll give you more money chain. I was like okay but if anyone wants to ground around but like all his friends were like headlines and I got out like a and you just did like a short film I remember friends forever or something like that and they were all scrapped spell and I was like okay. Let's talk. They like to see how we just wrap this film. I can't wait to see and I think okay. This is a anyway so then I got a line and I was very excited about until at least catch was like such such the director at the time like he was like I was obsessed with him because he was doing like movies and stuff and is he. Yeah he's still killing it. I want to leave sketch on this. podcast I yes I loved and Jason. Horton I brought him back in that. You haven't made youtube in so long. You Watch that video jason or no. It was like this summer. Yes it was. Yeah Jason Horton was like this old guy now. I know it'd be like dad and all the videos and stuff like that well. He wasn't old. He was like thirty six but everyone call them because they were like nine hundred thirty nine year olds. Whatever like they're like no the again going down anyways loved him was the point? I always loved you have one I was Gonna ask about your chew. 'cause I monson tells you I haven't talked through your back. Oh Oh my God and from the beginning to. You're going to test to this. They like when I saw your movie. I remember like seeing like it was at a screening and drew. Wasn't there it. It was a screening at like one of his movie not cool. I went to a screening before I think the premier is just like one in a black theater and like drew. Wasn't there but I saw the movie. I don't know why because I was like. Oh my God I ever played that guy. He reminded me of like a young ISLA craft scene. He was in the bathroom scene. I think I just remembered movie the very first thing of that movie. I remember being bathrooms. Yeah okay yeah he was he was and I just remember like this guy is like one I thought he was so he has such can't look. He looked amazing on camera. He had such a corky like comedy thing. I've never seen China Crispin Glover whereas like a little weird creepy shooter so and like I. I just think he's like really like one of the most talented people. I read his instagram captions. Next level. Funny Super Weird but like exactly him on every photo but I check out his captured but nobody crafted before your movie right. You just saw him on Youtube you both making these weird videos and they were like weird when he was but he was so insanely talented and just like have this weird like. He's like most talented person. I think on Youtube. He's he's a genius in use. So and he's I think he's open about it but like I saw I ran a couple years ago. And he's he's on he's like us very much like you know. Sometimes your own personal demons are mental. We August August. I'm not like throwing them onto the best of it and talk about it but like you know I think that. Like holding back where he has this. He's a soda and I tell them advertising like you're just so good. He wrote a short film for me like he can write songs in like in our like. He's he's insane and also one of the nicest person aside from Shane. Like drew is the nicest person in the whole world like doesn't like mean bad. Anybody like doesn't wish I've never met someone like that. That's like Oh let's not talk about this person or whatever you know he's like you guys maybe he's always in that person and he's just like a better person that and I feel like is like he's just such a good person and I like I would love to have him on. Oh I'm so my to- cold mytalk Audrey minds. And he's I I was GonNa ask you about that too. I was like well before I wrap if I wanted to ask one one thing you were talking about movies and I was GonNa say. What's your next? Are you going to direct movies. Are you still a passionate about editor. I think right now. I'm feeling the most like inspired to do that again. But like definitely not I mean not the way like i WanNa do movie and I really WanNa do a horror movie but ah I think I'd WanNa do at different than like. I just can't imagine going back to like a movie. Set all the people and there's politics involved like this person does this and if you do this and then this person will be mad. Because it's like I just do it yourself. Yeah kind of want to try to do a movie in the same vein that I do the series where it's like. I'm trying to figure it out but I definitely want to do something this year for sure. A film like any specific topic. That's inspiring besides a horror. I mean there is something interesting to me about like feeling because we've been on the Internet for so long and I've seen so much of it and like how it goes it wasn't the ups and downs and the people that come the people that go there and what it does to your brain when you're on the Internet. There's something there for sure. I I have a thing you've hinted at that a lot. I think with a couple of your other videos. Yeah I mean with Bunny in Texas Eugenia. You've into that. Yeah well you've done like parrots to on like Smiley Kinda was like on. The people have always tried to do that. Like concept of taking unfriendly trended like taking that of the Internet like horror but like not doing it right because there is something so terrifying also about the Internet and like that's like the ultimate horror movie like the new scream Amino like phone calls back in the day but now with the Internet there's this whole level of horror that could be there and you have. I don't know if you've ever seen the show I still to this day. Show everybody when I'm in because as I was so honored to be in a movie like I start to my friend. Jeff who also does like horror stuff and he was just like this. I was like I know. It's the coolest thing I I used to be on my real when a Halacha realized it was so cool. And you're so good when you're like on satellite you just know you're like you have that and I was like I don't know I know it's hard to make. Sounds like getting all this stuff like that. I should say I. I always feel like you're going to do that. I feel like you should. I don't know and you're obviously. You're you're series basically. Everyone always says that they keep though he should be working for like sixty sixty Mamik. They couldn't even pay him enough because like this stuff is like amazing. And he's doing it all on his own. So honestly maybe doing it on your own is better than the like sixty minutes isn't killing it. Because they they don't know the difference between like successful youtubers successful youtubers who are able to be here for like ten years or any influence a really not just youtube to but you have to want to create. That's like the first part and there's so many people now I think it was like seventy five percent of kids in like high school or younger one. Stay they want to be youtubers right now. Like seventy five percent of kids but like they don't understand you can't just be a Youtuber Ambi famous. That's just not how it works. You have to start by wanting to create the content and to create art. And I think that's the difference I mean Tricia even though you don't edit it I mean each one of your videos like that's how you feel right. That's and continue eighteen you to want to do that. You need to want to express yourself without thinking about monetary expression like when you started your doing like these skits and stuff like that and you're like you were working at like Jenny Craig and Were thinking like Oh like I'm GonNa be famous off this like even even you're telling me like those music videos back in the day breaking even off those like you're doing it same with my music like we do it because you love it like no. If you start for money you're going to you might make money and stuff and then you're gonNa go away a year. You have to tell you later to like. I met this Youtuber who I was so obsessed with an I met him recently and he like kind of like was just crashed and burned out. He's like I just didn't love. We did it. 'cause we got like relief famous and a lot of money really quick and then just kind of like didn't my I don't like again I was like I and then that starts with getting money and then our you know what I mean but anyway so my guy keep going keep talking for hours about to do a part to and we have three part series on the other. This is our first guest on the Disney Church. Thank you so much this. This was a big deal like. Oh my God I was so excited no seriously you have been talking metaphor. Yeah Okay No. That's true 'cause they'd be like I want to get something I really want to. It's like you know you look back. Maybe one day it could be hiring. Look back at your first gas. I wanted to be shame because she has been my life. I for everything always always attributing tens of thank you so much. I wouldn't have left my house for anybody from stories. The dish matric.