MBMBaM 430: Scare's Swamp Thing A-boo-t Scary

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists. He's a sex part, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also. This show isn't for kids which I mentioned only. So the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you called. The not to. But not. Tim curry thing can't do that. Why not? I think you've done it more than once. Why break tradition. Now that's a good point. I mean, not saying you've already done it more than once. Why say? But I can't do it three times. Maybe just maybe just skip the intro because the intro always goes a little bit long and just get into the me of the of the tune. Okay. Scary, free k. curler. In media rest. Well, I can't believe I sang the whole thing. To my brother, my brothers, my brother, my brother, and. Mermen. There's nothing spooky about the name. My. My my, my bro- my brother Frankenstein Frankenstein's. Yes, yes, yes. Actually I refer to be Frankenstein's monsters forever. Is actually I'm dodd-frank Sam, the brother of Dr Victor Frankenstein, and I'm like, well, I don't know about this. Hey, do you think it was weird? Okay. Cise brother. Let's talk about him for a second. So Frank is Dr pretty Sybase for all right. And. He may. Then he makes his nother one says brother. Everybody's calls the first one Franks. I right, right. He's like, I call it. Fraser brother gets made. He's like Basell a gay. Wait colo-. What time is it? Oh, cool. This is so weird to be alive and exists is amazing. So who are you? I am doctor Frankenstein. And who's that? That's Frankenstein. So. I guess you just went ahead and call him, and why about me your name? Oh, you're the brother of Frank. Sign without. Fuck is. Call me Bill in Stein, please bride of Frankenstein. How about we go with Victoria? Hayme Vic. The. Maybe we'll day and we'll see. This would be like travis's named brother of Justin, and I was called like Lil Justin. My name is Justin. This is the Justin. Let's welcome. My brother, my brother may or as we're going to call it from now on Justin and the rest. It's an advice show for the modern era. Oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm you'll Mulas brother, heaviest McElroy. God almighty can be one of those. I don't think I should have to spooky voice because my voice already kind of sounds like bones. I'm Griffin McElroy. I wanted to try thing where it was like the crypt keeper couldn't come up with a good pun, but that's still just how he sounds all the time. 'cause sometimes you would have to be like ES. I would like fries with that. Yeah, and it's like, oh, what's the joke? Like? There's no Jones. Oh boy. Hey, yeah, get it to be rude. Just tell me what the was the pun. No, this is just me all the time. Actually feeling really down today and just wanted some comfort food. Doesn't the flop house, have a legal copyright on talking about Kripke for don't. They have the all lifetime TM on that particular hairdresser? And if think can happen on. Hello. A horse. Let's start stepping onto on Travis toes on his goof toes. You can just drop that and he'll get distracted child distracted by pinwheel or something. Well, that's the thing is that once that precedent is set once the savage that anything can happen on Halloween? Yeah, there's no rules just right in. Yeah. So this is our Halloween spectacular. Travis kind of hope. Tonight we're putting deputized himself to to give us a theme episode because those have gone pretty good. I think let me check the bucks. Has got friends who keep the records bond. This one like a baseball statisticians. And so let me just go back and check where there's a columnist says, themed episodes and see how, oh, it's full of spiders. Now they're going on me. I have a good reason though. I wanted to do this because we got just randomly one good question about how Weiner and I thought, oh, that's fun. What if we had more of these sort of anchor a spooky anchor for the rest. Okay. And you know what? It also probably occur to people that this episode is horrifyingly late, and so you guys just gave me too much time to think about that. That's fair. Yeah, visits. How is how sad lives got started. And now here we are having a Halloween and y'all give me too much time on my own, and I just have these ideas. These these ideas. Oh, here we are here. We are talking about how we n- not new. This is not a Halloween watch though. That would make a lot of sense because there has just been a Halloween film and we do that from time to time what what are you gonna be is year. Wow. This is weird. What is going to be this year? Well, BB is going as Daniel tiger love it. I'm and so I thought that I would kind of do a complimentary costume and go as Johnny the evil karate person from karate kid. It's fun. How does that sort of jive with they know tire like Daniel, how the kid's name is Daniel? That's fair. Daniel. Yes. My little guy is going to dress up like a lion because you can just do that with when they're small is just like, yeah, they're, they're a puppy fucking look at them. It's incredible. So there's gonna be a lie on Davis pumpkins ice this thousand eighteen. I'm here to say Davis still in my heart. He still lives in my heart. I've made room for him. He's not in Kenneth Vick Debbie's in there. We're all doing superheroes. All right. Charlie is going to be super girl, and there's just always struggled finding sort of more rotund costumes that I could feel great about pretty low on that list is like skin tight lycra, yeah, so I'm probably gonna have to do the superman t-shirt thing. Underneath like address like I'm chained like you caught me. But let me say Justin, I think you'll love youthful, whatever you wear because I know you and I think you would fucking own it. Yeah, I did or I did order a full superman costume. So we are going to try that. Maybe a little bit of a kingdom come vibe. Heads out there. We'll give it a give it a world world, daisy, any hail so. But I did see a t shirt that had for him as all teaser that had printed on it. The Clark Kent dress shirt with the Subaru t-shirt underneath. Like it's just a lot of three shirt away yet. Eastern. Fuck, yeah, love that shit. Why don't they do that more if I go to, you know, j. crew and I wanna get some autumnal layers going domain me by, you know, ox jacket, Oxford t shirt with a tank top underneath. It just give me one big shirt that looks like all of them for forty dollars. I'm going to get into our very spooky helping questions because if we don't do this week, we're not fucking do them ever. So let's go. I'm working at professional haunted house this year. Nice. And I had this problem where people take what I say literally and ruin the scare. For example, my character was right before a train scare is that just kind of threw that out there like well, trained scare coming up. Well, context lose will make sense as we continue on with the question. Okay. I was supposed to have died on the tracks, so scream, don't go on the tracks. It doesn't happen too often, but every now and then it's like, okay. Let me turn our group around and not go forward. Where do we go? I wouldn't go in there. You obviously had a bit of trouble with the train. So I don't. Dangerous. So I guess I'll is this way to funnel cake. What can I do in response? I've stuttered and yelled. I want you to go on the track. As you know what. Drags winging it and Westland is that is that it's very good. That's a very good quandary. I miss on houses Neetu. It used to be fun and easy to go to them before I had children. Now, it's a little more challenging. I've worked several hundred houses in my life. This is true. I want to hear some good haunted house stories from my brother. Travis who I love well in LA LaLa land. So he's got a lot of celebs all who I actually did. He's got the bed own a hill. Jonas only had him good. We scared the shit out of Jona. All good. Do. Did he shit his fucking pants? He did auto late. Nice. Actually. I don't know that to be true and I don't wanna get sued for libel. Now if it's true, then it's true baby in eight liable. Joni help Dookie shorts. You love. Now he's a maniac. Here's the thing pants. And then he came back through three more time, loved it. And each time he shit his pants. He said out loud, he said, l. out I've been constipated for six years. Thank you so much. My next my next feature. Yeah, they'll teach him to drop out of the limelight to focus on directing so here. No, but I I was in and I fell asleep at coffin was that's pretty much the biggest story. Climactic coffin that I. Popped open, scared we will and one night in when I was working on and house in Oklahoma. Good fall asleep in the casket. Yeah, it was a good map. I bet dirt nap. It's it's sort of designed to be good. The wake up was not great no-shirt on a cool wake up. Here's the thing about haunted house into the day. It is still a house and I can't say like, I can't say like Joe Derek. Go to the go to the bathroom. I can't. You know what I mean? I can't say yo- dairy time to go upstairs to the nursery is he gonna go where he wants to go. It is still housing hospitable. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what you mean. This. We are less. We forget that's, you know what? Haunted house with somebody, one hundred home that's when you think about that, somebody's haunted home that you're traipsing around in spilling your hot cocoa that you purchased in line spilling that everywhere it, somebody's haunted home. They should establish that more. There should be a room that you walk into and there's just like somebody watching TV and they're like, oh, there's nothing scary in this through this. Dan, do you wanna fuck him by it though, because I hate how audited is. Yeah. Oh. Come back in like may it's six. Very fun usually in may. It's the worst? Yeah, because it still this, but also like I have to go to work. Yeah, we thank you for your like sort of tourism through my life. So like this life tourism, but this is my haunted home. Come, could you bring them groceries or will leave. We'll leave the house chain. So man by the front door can't go fucking anywhere. We live is our first Halloween and new neighborhood that we recently moved to. And there's a house down the street that about two weeks ago, their whole front yard became covered in a barrier of a black garbage bags. And you know, at the fuck that means that is about to get really spooky in there. They don't let anybody see the Halloween surprise. Then they put up, then they spray painted the bags with a date that you know their mix tapes gonna drop in your so fucking psyched yesterday drove by it, and they also spray painted odd, five dollars. Is your health, but that's the home hot. You can't turn into unlicensed haunted, homelike off track, especially air factory. There's no way it's like OSHA standards in their way. Someone's done a fucking touch. You know what Griffin call OSHA. Konin house. License, their rules trustee, I've been yelled at, here's the way you solve this one because you can do this and you get ample scares. See you act like you weren't finished with your sentence like don't go tracks and then they're like, okay, well, and then you turn around like, 'cause I'm going to eat your feet and then you go after him telling night feet. Yeah, like so scared or like I'm gonna eat your ass because I'm gonna get Tatra said that different message. Yeah, that might be a mixed message. Awesome. Dude, I'm so scared. Who sent him by Ray gain or thanks rates. Yahoo answers user, Dan, who asks if you pump a haunted seller full of concrete, does it get rid of the ghost? Like if you totally obliterate the goats, ghosts environment by filling the wholesaler, full of liquid concrete right to the ceiling doesn't effectively exercise it or with goes, just move of Sears and the rest of the house, stupid ignorant. People who don't believe in go should respond to this question. I, I ain't afraid to know ghosts who you gonna call me the ghostbuster conch. All right. So I'm fix this one up proper good. Ain't no fucking ghost. Gonna get out of this boy. Do you have anything to get out of the cellar before beginning extraction process, our cat was oh, okay. You're good news cat still down there. You know where it is, and you always afraid. Done. I just reduced the square footage of your home. I'm ghostbuster. I mean gosar by definition incorporeal. Yeah, but but counterpoint trav- I'm not saying they'd be like forced out, but I don't know of a ghost who would be like off. Cool. I'm going to break. Yeah. Are here, I guess like the goes, okay, I get it fry it. You don't want to hear. I could've just said or like hung crosses up. So to ruin your finish basement dog kill your beloved Mr.. Mittens like this is gonna kill your resale value. What were you thinking like one third of the square footage of the house? You had a bar down here? Sellers, actually, a lot of trouble. I would be fine with just concreting one right up. If I didn't have to deal with all the Dankner the molding. You kidding me and the ghost folks. If it's below ground, it's gonna get wet in there. That's that actually is true, but my base just flooded a little bit. I don't know how much water there has to be in a basement for you to call it flooded, but any just water. Water that cannot be explained. Yeah, if there was okay. Imagine there was a ghost that was extremely terrifying. It very spooky. He is not friendly. I cannot act. Highlight this enough. This is not a friendly ghost is he lies sand office? No, he's like a scary. Fucking go s-. Right. Like from the movie kill, does he kill? No, don't do anything goes really aren't scary, but imagine he's like a scary, frightening goes and like if you give them a second, hell like try to push your board game shelf over on top of, you know, I'm out. A nice those. He will also maintain your basement dry and spotless. I guess I'm saying is if you could have a Butler that was also a ghost. Thank you. That's a necessary, but. Okay, I suppose. Yes, farm check with the judges. They say it's okay boot ler. No. Right. It just sounds like you risk pronounce Butler. Boo. Ler don't think I have to anything of the sort. So what would you, what would you. Hey, his phone just rang as that goes. Justin, Justin, did you get a ghost caller or don't be scared? I'm very scared of the rudeness. Didn't expect the. Maybe we were all very, very on the same level terrified. We're not even record a episodes for over nine. Hey, guys. I don't have a phone. Hell. Yeah, you to real. It's really Ed. Let's get back to Justin's. Spooky sexy upstairs, downstairs. Reboot. Yes, I would key if I had a moody standoffish out goes, wasn't necessarily trying to kill me, but didn't mind typical board shelf over on me, but kept my basically maybe cleaned the cab box that was down there and like kept it dry on like, yeah, yeah, I think I'd be okay with that. Okay. Thank you, Charles. Thank you for weighing in. I have a second question. Let's say he was just a spooky ghost not helpful. He, he scares your your family. He scared your pets. He's scared your guests. He made a very scary place to be okay, so you can't banish this ghost, but it takes twenty minutes and you have to watch the entire time and the goes can talk and stuff would you do? Would you banish this ghost weight into non existence? If one it took twenty minutes, it could talk the whole time, right? And three you had to. Knows what's going on the whole audience. You're like, hold holding giant lever to banish this exists. But you have to say in the room. Any kind of discomfort or is it just. No, he's being slowly banished in the non-existence. He's being nothing and he knows that you're doing right. I think I could make it hard case for like, sorry, bud, you knocked over all my board games. I spent all afternoon organizing those. You did knock them over. So I have to destroy forever. I have to send you to the nothing place. I don't think a lot of promises and there's going to be a lot of like I will. I will make you more games from your dick dude. Echo. Will do it. That's how that goes. Buzzer. Did it wherever than trap? What if when you hired the Ghostbusters they had a stand, your living room with blasted ghost in the non existence. And it took forty five minutes and they talked me. I mean, that's why they kept slime around slam. It was the only one who they felt pity for. Fuck goes hospice burst talking. Hey, hey, hey. Let's just restaurants live. We head on neck. Oh, nice. Ghosts Phil, got it. Man, horses are done, but ghosts still got it man down damn day to day. How do I tell people to give me bones? I clicked bones and enjoy getting them as gifts. Best gift I are gotten was a human pelvis replica. Fortunately. Nasty person. Unfortunately, it's always a little awkward asking people to get me bones during gift giving holidays, birthdays, how do I ask for bones being taken seriously, not freaky people out from Cass. Probably your biggest raise is like asking get bones and peel giving you like DVD season starring David Bory on. Really, but then you get it and you're like, oh, man, this is important, but then you watch since I'm okay with this. Yeah, and it does feature a lot of lot about. That's. That's what your fancy man. I need to get back into that show. I fell off at some point. I think I only made it through the first like three or four seasons. I mean enough that I would say I'm bones fan, but not enough that I would say, like I know everything about Bono. One. I'll tell you my favorite thing is brianna pre. I don't know. I wouldn't call them up tight FBI agent. I think he was in the FBI plenty more funny silly socks. And that's how you knew like he's funny guy. Yeah, he knows how to find the. He knows how to find the bones to, which is so important. And I tell you, I watched that movie, lovely bones. There's no there is no Emporia on his and his friend really finding new skeletons. And I was so fucking pissed off by that. But anyway, if you want to know how to get bones as a gift, there isn't a way it's wild. There is it's all illegal. I think it's a legal own bone. Yeah. This is kind of like saying, like I wanna get pop tarts from the government. I don't know how you do that. That's sort of not a thing they deal in. There's a place in Los Angeles than trying to remember the name of it. But what he's probably gonna head is cryptic Dhammika because of our stupid RPG show. But there's a place that like just sells like jewelry made of like birds calls and like, yeah, pins made of like skeletons, or they just wanna pure bone experience, Travis. They don't want it to be fancied up. If there's a place in LA I know about Culebra tar pits, Fulla bones. You've got to know how to get them with my special drown. That's true. Wouldn't you rather have a bone with a story then just like I bought you this bone. That's not interesting. Now I excavated this out of the tar pits with Griffin's bone drown. TM TNT SEM Griffin's bone drown. It can be either a bone drone that retrieves bones or one made out of bounds for a special Halloween party or maybe both. Bones, though. Where do you get them? Who has them everybody, but they will give them to you? Are they at the store? I know that probably if you went to like the butcher counter and asks for bones, I think they legally have to give it to you. Right. Does that still count? Is that the kind of bones humour? I think they, they love human bones and owning as may them as possible. You think that insurance policy in case they have kickball accident, oh, replacement bones and got a new blah Abon donor. I got a new tip in tibia. Got a new Tipper on my own. This new is from, it's from a guy named Ralph and I have it. It would be nice to like fall off the bleachers at the big game. Yeah, as like, oh, no, you're like, it's fun. I actually have another one of these. Let me just give me home and I'll slap a new new in there right away. It's not polite for me to pop the new bone in fryer Banca semi. I'll get squeamish, but I'll do not. You know, you're weird. Now you, Doug. I've seen you play operation. Fuck outta here. Doug on trying recently just to be clear. I'm trying recently to transition away from using Stephen to Doug. Oh, we've gotten a lot of a lot of lettuce from Stevens. Like please, please, please. Please fucking stop. Please guide Lee's. I'm in hell. I think he never gonna get off the hook. Derek are never. Yeah. But I mean, it's gotta be. It's gotta be those names. Justin does Victor Victoria lot. Victoria lot. We do need to retire Stephen though. Yes, devens seems had a good run. God, I feel like dog shit. Some new bones. I could use a new fuck and ribcage at this point. Well, Griffin, if if you really wanna new route cage, I'll I know one way we could afford it for you by doing advertisements in the money's on. Yes, the money bone. I would like to tell you all about squarespace. Yep. Yeah, that's actually great for me. Yeah, it's actually just a coincidence that then they also happen to be sponsoring us, but even if they weren't, I wanted to talk about them because I think that the next wave of the future is haunted websites. Oh yeah, it's a hundred house, but you don't need to leave your house or go anywhere do a thing. And it's basically like as you're scrolling through, it would be like social media platform, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. But as you're scrolling through like, every third post is scary, then like dress when you start to expect it, then it's like every fourth post it varies a little bit so that it works up to you and I'm going to work on building idea using squarespace to turn my cool idea into a new website to showcase my work scariness and announce it coming vent or special project. My new innovation, my scare avation Travis. You don't know literal. Anything about making websites? Oh, but Justin, I do not need to my completely infantile brain plus squarespace, eagles websites because square has beautiful templates created by world classes, Aigner's powerful, ecommerce functionality that lets me sell things online, which I will. There will be a lot of merge on my scary website and free insecure hosting, so I don't have to worry about anyone hacking my scary website feeling my ideas. Please. You got it. You just gotta go, man. He's gotta read it. We get your scary. What does I? Yeah, I just wanna make it clear the west, Gary. So scary head, disgraced dot com. Slash my brother for free trial. And when you're ready to launch use, the code might brother to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain that scrapes me com. Slash my brother and enter the code. My brother all one word. I got a ghost in my dick. It's me on time. Whoa. Whoa. Slogan. Dick put. I'll put it in my undies to where they're very, very soft and make fun, crazy prints. They also make lounge pants and teas. While I've been convalescing for what feels like two and a half months. I've been wearing these lounge pants so much that they have become me anyway fall is here. It's the perfect time to put these cozy essentials to the test. I really do enjoy me on these quite a bit. I tell you, I tell you warm up north, took a trip up north to to the the northernmost regions of Minnesota. And these these kept my whole business area completely great. And they have the lounge pants. Let's get back to those. They are made from the same three times softer than cotton micro modal fabric as their undies in check out their latest jackal lanterns, print in undies and bra. Let's and they got one hundred percents satisfaction guarantee. If you don't love them and keep them, they'll refund you. It's risk-free. They got a great offer for our listeners to for any first time purchasers when you purchase any me uneasy get fifteen percent off and. Free shipping. So to get fifteen percent off your first pair free shipping in one hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed go to me on these dot com. Slash my brother. That's me undies dot com. Slash my brother. I would love to tell you all share specialists with you, and it is from pops slash fist master and its for Alex, Nick Livia, and Jill. And that's not a great start, but I'm gonna push on through. Thank you for being my good good kids. I am so proud of you and love you so much the brothers make life better because they're Miami of you, especially the talking over each other's goose. Here's too many more your man. God them. Hear more years of fun and great job. Sincerely fist master. Yeah. Now to be fair, that's not a weird nickname in the nineties. He was transported to an alternate universe where out to be the one spoken about in legend, and he was the fist master. Traveling on reasons. Last one, please, I shared my voice sounds like a mud bubble. It's from Taylor and it's four, John. Hi, baby turns out you're anxious baby. Got nervous writing this anyway. Live is a drip and I am so lucky to be writing beside you. You're a strong inspirational man, the very best cat. Daddy. Two are very bad beans and my best friend. I can't wait to watch peasy and bean grow old with us. I love you always and unconditionally. Two hundred mummies. And then there were moments. There's like two hundred mummy. Believe it or not two hundred mommy's shoot. The secret is out. Open Mike eagle officially had a wrestling match known. The next Tyson fights. I'm talking all about it from the rat battles that got us started. It's a, how a hurt myself in ways. I didn't know could that day and the day before I got so many texts and people who really care about me who were like, please don't break neck the only place you can get the full story, his own newest episode of tights and fights finding a maximum fund dot org or wherever you get podcast. Yeah, love one disease part. After he come out of monies somewhere. You interrupt me a little bit weird. No, not on this one. Sorry to disappoint. All right. So here's a Yahoo. This sent him by Kyle. It was from, again, say on this. Wait, say it slowly here. Folks Honda watch what else could it be? This is coming to us from actually, this is, I think, are I repeat seller? It may be that this has happened before, but this person's intro is so wild that. I'm happy to welcome back lacy. Here's a reminder of lacy today. I'll share my story with UC. Give them me. My name is Lacey. So feel free to call me by my name that is like a fucking like mid nineties, hip hop song, like stop what you're doing because I'm about day share the story of a scare. She's in a wonderful coven splashes the art of magic. She lives at harming one, helping hardly none and helping. All I said, harming one. The only harming one, not bad, believe in harming Beverly Fitzpatrick who who used to be my friend when we're in third grade knows what she did. She knows if she did Beverly huge capital letters. This is tangible item, don't get it twisted. And then right below that it says. This is a sexual spirit meant for you. Oh, my this is not a toy, a my God. Meant for me mitt for you. My brother that I'm selling. Fucking toy. Dotted, terrible sexual spirit. Tangible item, the bright below sexual spirit and Lacey, which is it. Lacey. It's twenty eight teen where he will be tangible items answer Tual spirit. They are present to you. The sexual spirit of Kayla, a new. Davis record. This is a highly Roddick spirit. If you desire to sexual spiritual connection. I think everybody does. This spirit is mitt for you. Kayla is of this underlined of very sensual spirit yet. Oh my God, you make it so much worse with inch repeated if you are not aroused by looking into her eyes than read no further. Let me take. Okay. Hold on positive podcast. And I'll send you all the late. I mea, Jay pay. Everybody is going to be able to continue with us. We're not all going to get through to the end of this because some of us are going to. Ever fallen the directions, and some of us are are going to have to bail. But yes, so let's just do this. If you click on the j. peg, get outta love to send you guys Las j. peg, but new Skype is so fucking miserable that I can't. Even here we go. There is a link to Kayla. I am having zero erotic reaction to that. Yeah, I wish I could come with you, but I'm getting my my outta meter is in the completely in the red right now. There's no activity. It's completely fair. I do wanna keep. I'm gonna keep reading just as a public service, but I think Voss average, this is not for any of us. This is not a VAR king by just specifically for Dan ackroyd and I know we've already aggression against him once this episode and might again. Yeah, just well, we references character and Ghostbusters, but this is for Dan, the man, Dan, the human man. This spirit will provide you with an intense sexual tach -ment. You will feel Kayla in any room you are in. I mean, after you buy, I guess that's your right. You will follow. She will follow you around. She is at your Beck and call. That's not. That's not. That's not what you meant. She will exist to pleasure you. This is starting to yuck me out, but I'm gonna push on for. Wait, wait, wait starting now is the time just for a power dynamics perspective. I want Kayla to be room person, and if we have a strong sexual connection, that's like great, but also wanted her to be able to pursue her other interests. She is ready for you. Anytime all you have to do is call her and she will be there to pleasure you. Oh, no. It's. Bats little off. She will. As a young woman. Well, you're assuming Laval sudden, aren't you Macey maybe that's not my fucking thing. She'll be in the body of a twenty year old. She has long dark hair. She'll be wearing only a long t shirt. I say why usually with these listings, it's it's always about like. It's always about like you'll feel a general sort of superior of Lacey's giving us fucking Craig list add, right? Like this is this is her exact discussion and clothes on it's so oddly, she'll be wearing a long t shirt with an off brand BART's exactly one. She'll be wearing just the left sock and a slat break show. T. shirts, he still from your uncle. She, she will get the reverence. I neither will use being the body of a twenty year old. She has long dark hair. She will only be wearing long t shirts. She will fall into your arms. You will catch her and feel her body brushing. Well, I might. To do today. She only wants to satisfy you. She will whisper into your ear. She will speak to you in her soft voice. She will nip at your neck. She will be ready. You will dream of Kayla often. You will feel her arms around you at all times. This is not a normal sexual spirit. You can't just walk into any fucking Costco and buy regular sexual spirit. She's not like the other. She's special. She's very active teas and all she is. I keep waiting. I feel like there should be a twist here and Mike, and that's when she'll turn on like, this is where's the twin? She's one of the more active sexual spirits, my collection, so Lacey's keeping the real nasty birds act. I self, but she is pretty nasty gone. Give it up for only wishes to make you feel pleasure. She is a very talkative spirit. She will only speak if you desire to speak with her. If you do wanna conversation, she communicates best through dousing and binge. How's your relationship going? Justin, pretty good. We communicate mainly through dousing and pin Jhelum. It gets me rock hard hearted. She's always reading. She's always in the same big dogs shirts. She still for my uncle. You're in need of a pin Jhelum. I have available my store damn lacy. You thought of everything. By clicking here. By the sexual spirits. Like there's gotta be some way we could talk anyway. I can't think of anything. I am a reputable seller and I have been for years, which is something reputable Cillers always say, in my experience, all my items are authentic, and you will get a tangible item. You'll be extremely satisfied with his purchase. I combine the spirit doll to you free of charge, so the magic can begin working before rival. Okay. So what you say is she'll do a spell on this dull to make a horny spirit Fleck the country because faster than UPS could do it because I need the sexy spirit. Now I will be sending a free gift low with Kayla which does not sinister in the slightest. Four. Pendulum. She's a beautiful spirit, but make a great addition, anyone's family who's open to the paranormal. And I would hasten to say pretty much anything holiday see. Who in reading this listing got to that line and be like, well, I'm not open to the parents. Like that was the deal breaker for that caps. Read text. I talents exclamation points, larger fun, authentic spirit, magical, powerful. And then just when you're belt to nut. Per you base policy? I must say that I am not to be held responsible for any paranormal experiences that may or may not happen. You've been tangible. Our right. Tell us when I'm about to go nuts. It's like, but it could not happen. I don't think that EBay. I understand why his phrased it to say, I'm not responsible for any paranormal occurrences that may or may not happen per ebays policy. Liberties. I'm pretty sure that policy is not if an item you buy on EBay has a ghost in it. It's not the seller's fault. Like, I'm pretty sure EBay doesn't specify that. Ghosts items are not the fault of the seller. I'm pretty sure it's just the other one. Yeah, I bought this vantage Mickey Mouse clock off a your EBay say, and it's haunted. Well, I don't know what to tell you per ebays policy. Ghosts attached to the item are not learning ability of the seller. So I guess as always I'd like to close his hunting dog segment, the way are always do by saying, if you're the person that EBay that tastes calls about shit knob being haunted enough Palese give us a buzz. The love to hear from you, even though you got the disclaimer I'm betting your phone is still ringing off the proverbial look. And I would live just touch base, throw crack, whatever. Yuna second just couple anonymous transcripts from those calls would g. Doubt real good. We'll put the Mosser voice filter on it before we put it on our podcast for sure. Do you want to? Yes, this only Senate by Griffin, but at different one. Thank you, Griffin. It's Yahoo answers, user Dern, automous, call them. Monchy asks Halloween, prank. What would happen if I did this, say that on Halloween night, I keep several open cans of creamed corn by my friend door, and every time I get a trick or treat, or I opened the door quickly dumped the can of creamed corn into their bag of candy than shut the door. Nowhere to ever spoken. What would come of that think it'd be arrested? Why? I definitely legal. Why? Why. Because you'd be you'd be ruining children's candy and evenings. I don't know a trick. Motherfucker Sar, good one, though. It's a great one. It counteracts all the treats. Its trick that negates every treat they've received up to that point is a pretty good trick. I guess it's not the most creative. What would you do then to get really tricky? Yeah, maybe like distract them and then swap their bag of candy for just a bag full of cream corn. So then you get the candy. Then I get candy and you know what? Maybe I just leave the cream corn in the can to. And I just give them a bag with a can of cream corn in it that they'll use to just a beat you to shit with. Now the doors closed here. Get me. I'm never really. Never. I have enough candy live off the rest of my life. Yeah. Enjoy the garment. Bosie kids. I think it'd be funny it'd be. I mean, it'd be so bad, right? But like I love that like bad humor like me myself, Irene humor like that bad. They shouldn't be doing that. Do you know what I mean? The like the run that super raunchy something about Mary when he comes. It's like so bad at it shouldn't be happy. You're this is gonna take you back hair jail. Yeah, here's the. Let him have it. Let them go. I wrote that joke what? All right. Yeah, he wrote the IRO dollar something about marry. Wow, this something about scary. Hey, Kripke per that doesn't make any fucking sinks, but there's about scare. Okay. All right. I called it scares to thing about Sterry. Yeah. We also excited. So scarce, Tim thing boots, scary. That's. Scare Swope thing a boo. Podcast people listening to this decade. I'm just saying the hit film scarce swore thing. The perfect Joe's. How are we? It was on comedy. There's nothing wrong with that yet. With Cameron? Diana's like shit. I did want to me didn't I. I have so many questions to get through. I know that we barely touched on that. Yahoo. They've gotta move on, hey, bro. I'll please. I'd never dressed up for Halloween, super religious parents. But this year is my year, my wife and I have an invite to Halloween party, and we also have all the components for the perfect Bob and Linda Belcher costume. The only issue is that I've had beard for three years now and this costume require shaving down to just the mustache. My question is worth shaving way. All my hard work for my first ever Halloween, costume from spooky stash and Surrey. Why don't we lightning round through these last questions because Justin's, right? We are not going to come back to these ever for sure, for sure. For sure. They are Halloween themed. I am going to say probably not because it's one night out of the year. And your beard is gonna take you a while to get back. I think howling costumes are about having fun and and like playing dress up, then I'll about maybe you don't know this because. If you haven't done it for, it's not tricking your friends into thinking, you're the beloved Burgerman like, right, they're not going to be fooled, they'll know you. So you have to make it a complete fabricate, a complete re in character. All my guess is what I'm saying. The Halloween police aren't going to send you home because you didn't do it good. Now you're going to compete and like some sort of Halloween competition. Maybe what's the prize? I mean, I said I was doing David pumpkins early by, really. I'm just putting hi nice blue suit that I own, but and then I'll say his favorite like stuff. What's the worst? What's the worst laziest? How in costume everybody here has ever done where it's still you try to cost, but it's like it's just bad. He did a bad job. I've never done a bad job. Okay. I've put on put on a stripe sweater, and I said, I am. Harry Potter broke a stick while I was on way to the party is not a joke. I broke a stick off of a tree and that was my want. It was awesome. I once were. Green para ladies sweatpants and white dress shirt and said, I was peer Griffin. I remember that it was not a good costume, but is dark time for all of us sweatpants. Good swept the I've I've done Dexter and I did a good job. I did quail man, and I did a good job of done over. Yes, I'll man. I get, you know, the best in Sydney I ever did was film Lil. Those are door. Good costumes. Anyway, let's move on. I hope that helps. Just keep you keep your beer. Don't don't don't shave. I work at a scare farm every. Is that a pun or scare farms? Probably like a haunted ouseba more rural. Got it every year where I get to run around and terrify children and adults alike. But every year without fail, they're a couple of people that end up fighting rather than fleeing prompting spooked fro Joep hash, I prepare myself for these situations. And what types of defense tactic should I employ when dealing with the easily scared common folk. That's from blood-curdling amd brews in Branchburg. So. Oh, awesome. It's so awesome. Oh mummy. A real mummy are got him. That's right. Now that was just the twenty year old dammit. Do they go see Lion King on Broadway, and you're like, everybody here. Hi, moles. Five awestruck one's doing some speaks. I'm and I was doing a haunted house. So I worked with this company that set up on it houses at people's houses, and they did it for this like seven year old's birthday. That happened to be like three days before Halloween. And so it was like the same ten kids and they all came through the party of the hotter house over and over again. And so I was just like sitting in a fatal extra cheer like doing like a jump scare and this little girl just came to I jumped. She stared at me for like five seconds and that hold off at smack me across the face low, and I instantly turned back into an adult and I was like, how dare you and she let grant away it was an I never did a hundred house ever again after that. I guess it's a good reminder that like you're tough. You may be like Mr. scare. I see Mr. scare that night, but like. People will still fight. People can still fight you. Are you saying? So we should be careful and you know what that's also a pre like hopeful message for humanity of like, yeah, it'll be scary when like the army of vampires attacks, but some of us will fight back. Listen, some of us will run and as I'm sure I've discussed this before the time. I got scared by aware wolf. I did run away and listen. I'm a runner. I get it. You've done your part. I think in key being these like modern day Spartans keeping their their instincts honed razor's edge, so win the real creature for the black lagoon shows up. This guy will be ready hill practice on you, so it'll be ready to save your bacon and you'll appreciate. Yeah, that's what you should do is like Mark them in some way and then have someone outside of the haunted house when they get out. It's just like, I see your fighter. Come with me sign. I'm going to recruit you two very special like. Organization, you're going to fight monsters, but then really you just like, I don't know. Sue them for striking employees are very special. Well, over here I'm going to put. Travis a great point. If you're being struck, does still crying like a haunted house is still a house and in house you can still do crime. You know what I mean? Like we don't suspend. We don't suspend our our laws just because we're trying to lart a little bit. You know what I mean? Why did you hit that? Well, he was dressed like a werewolf. Okay. But real knows a guy. So that was a guy you hit, you hit him, please follow me to jail this jail. I want to dress up for how long log behind me honor system. I wonder if that for Halloween, but my office at my new job doesn't seem to celebrate the holiday at all how much my Hogwarts uniform put on before it stops. Did this casual? That's what I'm Bailey. I can say, anecdotally, if you put on some jeans and a striped sweatshirt with a stick, people aren't going to know your Harry Potter so that much. Approximately what if just like every time the boss walked by, you're a little more magical. Oh, I see that. Yeah. So over time, Basel by like four, fifty, five at bosses like they always been her mind. He have. They always been Miami where they get the owl from what the Fusco in have now. Yup. Hey, have you always been Volva more? Yeah, have always been, you know, this always we talked about this that might quarterly review. Have you always been ghost that lives in the bath. Room? Yes, I have. I know that he's always been a bathroom crying bathroom ghost at your office. Last one. Okay. So for Halloween going, is the skeleton with Jacqueline and mask? Fuck that scary. But the ones he my mom got me is just so barely crunchy. Like I just slightly we, my arm and the fabric paint that was used paid on the Bose just crunches. So loud. I fixed this make so annoying catch. I make it sell. The crunchiness is on purpose as for Matt. Thank you. Just to jump out, say like I'm the crunchy goes. Yeah. You, you're a sensually able to scare in two senses, and I think he rubs, you know, some stinky onion, or you know, blood smell on yourself. Gopher a hat trick. Maybe like a bitter taste bitter taste like a spray accidentally licks or just a bitter spray that you put on people, and then what feel scary you could say like trick treat closure is I'm going to do like the on your head and spiders crawling up your spiders, crawling down your back folks that's going to do it for us. Thank you so much for joining us. We hope you have a very spooky Halloween time. Next Emma safe howling tweak. We definitely have. It's going to go up before Halloween. Timing wise, I guess you're right. I wanted to have more of a build up to it. So people listen to this over and over again. We definitely can't do another Halloween twenty ninth to we have to do a Christmas episode next week. Good. Could you that literally just occurred to for the first time as I'm saying it I know actually occurred to me yesterday and I still went ahead with it because I got in the question. Thank you so much for listening, be Halloween. So. In ten days. If you want to be the head of the neighborhood, you should go to Amazon and buy enough copies of the solvents book to give to all the different trick or treaters. They're gonna show up Ed. Really appreciate if you buy that and if you already buy, please review my wife, Sidney Maccarone, and I worked really hard on it and we hope you really enjoy it and also go ahead and go to the adventures comic dot com. And pre-order, the second book enough copies to give next Halloween says the for that second book of the graphic novel murder on the Rockport limited. It's great and we think you're gonna love it just this isn't a plug. But guess what? I do remind everyone that election day is vendor six, please get out and vote. You can get an absentee ballot or vote by mail. There's also like lift an Uber or running deals where they will get you to the polling place in Bank, and there's a lot of different options. Please. Out and vote, voter die. Remember that. Do you remember that him? He was like, here's your two choices. You can vote or you can die. Why was that the name of the thing? Yeah. Question. Do you guys want to thank John Rogers and long winters to these teams on instead of today's? Thank you. Absolutely. All the other amazing shows a maximum fun dot org o. also I think saw bones has a book signing coming up on the twenty seventh in Charleston at books that Dudley farms, plaza books, a million. If you want to get your book signed or whatever. Zion got by a copy of the book on the day of at that locale, I am such a dummy. We almost forgot. So we're starting a macro a newsletter. Because we keep having more and more stuff that we're working on and south falsely the cracks, and we don't want it to end up being like a ten minute plug at the every episode. So if you go to bit dot l. y. slash McElroy mail m. a. i. l. and I don't know why key feeling the need to clarify that. But macaroni mail, you can sign up for that newsletter and ink. You'll get a lot of information that you'll only see there including the date and Lincoln stuff for the candle nut show. I'm sure we're on announced later, but you'll see I in the newsletter. So if you go to bit dot l. y. slash macaroni mail, you can sign up for it and it's not a pyramid scheme. Even though people keep talking about that. I don't know where that got started, but it is not is just a regular mailing list. That's not in any way you got payments game. Here's that final Senate by Michelle. Thank you. Michelle, who answers user. Come on load. Load. Dammit. It's from Yahoo answers. It's from Yahoo answers, user Alcom said trick. Tej casks does Oscar. The grouch have legs and Furthermore, a Dingell ING. I'm Griffin Maccarone. He's been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad's square on the lips. Maximum fund dot org, comedy and culture, artists owned listener supported. Right. Is about books. Everybody. My name is Justin McElroy, and I'm Sydney macaroni together where the host of saw bones marital tour of misguided medicine. What does that mean for you? The podcast consumer? Well, it means that you're gonna get a lot of stories about how he used to do weird stuff to people in order to try to fix them. Dina that leads to diseases were caused by bad smells and that we see mummies for medicine. Then I carry. Well, thanks and we hope you'll kind of like our show saw bones, marital tour of misguided medicine. It's available every Friday, wherever fine podcasts or sold or at it's beautiful picturesque comb at MAC. Doc. All right.

Coming up next