18. Love Bombing, Pharmaceuticals, and Toxic Fandom w/ Georgia Hardstark

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

listeners we recommend a really great new podcast and throwing shade co host aaron gibson called history the sequel each week feminist and southern loud mouth aaron gibson is joined by a cool teen incense lanes the stories of women history has ignored from the forgotten first female astronaut trainees to abandoned apache warriors and deserted pirates will explain yesteryear because the future is female and so was the past succumb brought in your knowledge with us listen to new episodes of history at the sheikh will completely ad free and only on stitcher premium aaron gibson is a bad ass and she is so funny you do not wanna miss this show for free premium go to stitcher premium dot com and use promo code us paid a mouse raskin i may writer director end i prefer casale esther i'm gabby done i'm a writer by con by central icon wink an avid coffee drinkers a yes you are you do love coffee i like here's the here's the problem i'm on anti anxiety medications but then i drink like upwards of two cups of coffee a day why don't we could see one yeah yeah i'm trying to one are a are shared psychiatrist 'em which is very healthy of super normal and fine i psychiatry us it's fine it's not like we share therapists that's true she was like how about no coffee yeah and i like how about you suck it there's no way no way she's very sweet and kind but like i i i can't but then i i did like literally i am i am maintaining age just a base level because i'm like a clown up in end a coffee those are that's just rebecca zero right i i really urge you let's get out to one okay and if you love the taste of it just have decaf if you missed the active drinking it is soothing to you decaf threequarters oh my god speaking of this came from therapy how is that it was good it was good 'em we talked a lot about 'em me trying to not repeat past romantic mistakes in which are which are 'em a movie too fast yes aunt a like do a excusing certain red flags at the beginning mhm end 'em i was saying that i'm now being very measured i'm i'm really like not getting out of myself i really really really really really i'm not i'm proud of you end like i'm being very 'em i just am not even like letting it affect me in that like i'm not devastated by anything that happens like i don't think anything that happens could could make me like so sad because i'm just not letting myself get there that's wonderful it's so new very empowering when you know that someone can't break you yes that's the thing like i'm trying really to be like i'm not gonna get to a place where 'em i'm just like so in 'cause i don't wanna do the thing of i also like i'm trying not like i don't really believe in the one i just don't so i'm trying not to be like i like the cliff i don't either even though people probably think that i do i know i would i would imagine anything you said a few times that you you believe in like work like if you find someone and it works to like make it you're choosing to me it was gonna make it work yeah i also think there's multiple people it could work wis yes yes absolutely 'em it just depends on you know and there's like people in a way that i could you know that like are are potential suitors is well so i mean on first and last name so i'm i'm trying i'm trying not to just like get so emotional about it like i'm like this is fun this is good like this is happening and it's a good thing but i'm like being a little guarded good but i don't want it to here's the problem what's being guarded mhm is that they don't want them to think i don't like them i don't think that's gonna be the case you think it's very obvious you like them well yeah but i'm just trying to not be like i you know i think people like when you're a few sive about them and when you text back and when you're like you know very like a loving an end like you know when you like just are very complimentary but i after tried also be like but i i'm could leave at any time well i tech myself yeah especially 'cause there is long distance and i don't really see long term potential here it's sort of like what is what is the end game and i think that maybe then game right now is just like someone in your life that brings you joy is like a friend and is supportive and when you're together there's like a romantic aspect of it yeah but it's not like you're partner no not not at this time but not at this time not time no further quest it's been it's been a long time it's been a long pursuit and so maybe that's also why i'm so calm about it because i'm like whatever time it's time i know like we've as regina specter said we've got time we've got time and we've also got a new book coming out yeah he says help are sequel to the new york times bestseller i hate everyone but you is available everywhere july sixteenth pick it up ticket by ed reed it please about it so photo oh my god if you like us you'll love the voices of the characters in this book because it is essentially us and even if you hate us maybe like them better that's very true that through we have an incredible double episode today i'd say perhaps are are are are are are what most famous guest oh well that's debatable but definitely a bull market in the podcast world yeah podcast queen anne most famous to me personally we will be talking to georgia hard start later believe it or not i i'm joke i'm gagged i do i i'm freaking out and then later in topics will be discussing fandom dumb does it go too far celebrities responsible for how their fans act will diving deeper but first true international baby so this is very apt based on what we were just talking about for but ashley says how avoid unhealthy relationships i mistreat women and i recently gone out of very emotionally abusive relationship but didn't really realize it at the time and things start it out great so it's hard to spot red flag warnings as i confused them for just being passionate i eat saying i love you quickly in wanting to spend lots of time like everyday together turned into financial abuse and using the phone he taught me three months in against me at the time he seemed like lovely gestures i'm where i'm attracted over the top guys who are passionate interaction gonna screw me over and end up controlling have you had any experience with this and with avoiding the same type of people have we ever that's so crazy that that's exactly what you just have we ever okay this is called love bombing it isn't abused tactic is widely ugly a known in the psychiatric community and what it is is that someone comes out you hard in the beginning they make you feel really special they like they go really really hard as there's an element of it where they're like i've never felt this way before they might think that they're telling the truth there definitely lying i think that i think it depends on the person i think sometimes they they think they're telling the truth that's what i mean yeah but but some people are more manipulative and they're aware that they're not that i haven't x right i believe he's he thought he was telling the truth oh well yeah that's a possibility to but it is like oh my god you're the one right off the bat you're the love of my life you're gonna like what i like i was in a cab with a guy after first date and he thought it was cute to like tell the cabdriver like this is my wife oh this is my future wife and did you guys end up together oh yeah but i just mean like you gotta be a wary of people who are just like so over the top right away because it's it also seems like it's something that they saw the movie and they just think the steps out as well lately due to be a boyfriend but like it's not sincere i had one boyfriend where again it was very i use a rebound i was like heartbroken over someone else so that's one of my big patterns right so in terms of like recognizing how i what i keep repeating is i i would do a thing where i would be in a relationship where the guy had all the power in where i liked him way more then he liked me and then when you break up with me i would be so devastated have such low self esteem and i needed somebody who would kiss my ass yeah so then i went immediately go to somebody who liked me way more than i like them mhm in so that those those guys often ended up kind of being a love bombing type yes and i had one a relationship a where i will exactly what you're talking about where like he would do these these romantic gestures any like bought me this necklace and it was so funny 'cause he likes sent me you like ask me advice on a necklace for like a shoe but like at the it was clearly for me oh and i like send some references of like what i liked but i i didn't realize it was for me and then the necklace that he thought was awful oh i hated it and i thought it was so ugly and i obviously live at the time pretended i love it yeah but you know like it's like that moment where like in your core you're like oh this person doesn't get me yes they don't understand what i actually like that in their head have seen someone give you the grand gesture necklace and so i'm really really uncomfortable with a grand gesture up top really uncomfortable super uncomfortable and people i think a lot of times men in particular think that that's like the thing oh my god i mean a surprise her with this huge gift like after three dates and i'm like a i'm scared i think it's like it's it's controlling because it's them making a claim on you it's like stay it's like i bought you this big thing up top now you are mine and you can't leave and you also have to recognize that unless let's say you somehow got trapped with them in the basement for like four seventy two hours and you talked about everything that you're alive they don't really know you that well exactly exactly oh they're more responding to an idea of you absolutely and that's something you have to be very wary of yes absolutely so i i think like if there is something to being like wow we really like each other but there's also something being like let's take this slow let's like have boundaries let's like you know not be in each other's business immediately and ashley that's something that you can you can force yes like you can't you can't avoid these mistakes by putting up those boundaries and by not being available to these guys are seven and seeing how they respond to that i mean this is how i feel where i don't wanna lose this person i'm talking to because they think i don't like them but when did that ever happen happen when when if you're like okay i'm free thursday and they're like what i wanted to see you choose day and you're like well i'm three thursday if that person is a stable normal person the wait until thursday yeah but sometimes you get like i've seen you when you're dating like if the guy doesn't respond spawned enough you'll be like well i'm not gonna put any effort fuck this up but then but there's a there's a difference between like going on dates like twice a week yeah deta five times a week bonding yeah like you can like it's very obvious when someone is still engaged yeah the relationship and wanting to continue to see you versus like being absent yeah and like negligent yeah yeah so it could help if you like you know for me i really need to kind of know what the plan is yeah so if if you're used to sort of like moving fast like maybe so you're not like suddenly like feel like you're overwhelmed by like or you're not loved enough yet ever make sure you always you know at the end of every date set up the next day oh got it so you know that the data's happening indiana data's happening but just like don't have it be the next day yeah i don't i would say don't accept expensive gifts 'em like it until like a a more time has passed like i understand things are kind like it's kind to do but like i i mean i remember in like high school a guy like casually talking to bought me a ring hang in i was like freaking out and talking to my mom about it and she was like just give it back home and i was like oh my god i could just give it back to the kids give it back so i like went to him and i was like i'm so sorry i have this back to you like i like you but i just i can't i can't do this like big thing what he's saying it but like i was like if i accept this he's gonna think that i owe him something and he's gonna think that like i'm his girlfriend right and so i don't and i don't want like you know six months later for him to go why bother you that expensive ring so that's a huge red flag in something that took me a really long time to realize not everybody does yeah it's people who are are keeping a tally in their head of the things that they've done for you and then throw it in your face later yes i hate that so that it's like eight that is a huge red flag and it can be scary because he might not realize it until a little bit into the relationship because it's obviously not something that could come update to they can be like well on day one i mean yeah but that is eight very harmful awful trait yet i'm going to have you noticed that you're partner is doing this talk to them about it and if they continue to do it i would get out yeah absolutely like one of my boyfriend's would throw it in my face all the time that he came to my apartment and i didn't go to his apartment yeah and it became this like huge thing and he would make me feel guilty all the time and then i would be like okay let's go to your apartment and be like no no i'll just come to yours but i knew that he was just gonna throw that in my elliott tally it yeah and it was such negative like toxic behavior and it became this cycle that i didn't know how to get out of and that just prove that this person is there's like a mean nist yeah there's like something that is like not loving yeah and literally last night i a i went to my boyfriend softball game time really supportive and it's on thursday nights right and so my birthdays on a thursday night and i was like i was like i realize like oh i was like oh you're gonna have to miss you're softball game for my birthday and he was like yeah of course and i would like we didn't even mention that he's like what am i gonna say like i wasn't gonna go to your birthday dinner softball game yeah and also he wasn't gonna be like i'm missing myself gamer you and then he because he's such a good person he would never do that it would never even occurred of him to bring that up tim rice but he doesn't know that so many people would absolutely and so like these types of like very small things can really reveal someone's character yes for sure and i said to him i would like i i'm so appreciative that you've literally never thrown anything in my face yeah but like he wouldn't be like oh well i'm doing this for you but like i'm so sad about myself ballgame or even just like us like a passing comment of like oh ones dinner yeah i missing my game yeah little things where they're trying make you feel guilty yeah none of that none of that and people you know obviously not everyone is 'perfect when you start dating them yeah and i think that you don't need to like balance the first time so right right right but you need to acknowledge it you need to see if it's a pattern and the thing that i had to learn is listen to what the person is telling you yes so sometimes people up top will be like well this is what i like in my head of that probably not yeah that's cute or what but then like the reality of like listen to exactly what they're telling yeah take it at face value believes it that will be there truth and then is that something you wanna deal with see if it matches up to their actions 'cause there's like a few conflicting things where people will say i think up top just seem cool they'll be like i'm a commitment phob i love casual blah blah blah and then like like you know their actions don't don't match up to that so like what that is and examples listen to what they're saying because then you're thinking oh well with me they're not a commitment philbin were gonna be in a relationship and then when you bring it up there like i told you i'm looking old actly sometimes that'll flip sometimes they'll say that and then and then you start to get a pit in your stomach where you see their actions and don't match up to that so also listen to you got to write an like an like you can learn from past relationships like there's a thing where it's sometimes people go well okay but if someone reminds you of someone else a that that's not fair you have to give them a chance their their own individual person but i agree i agree i think if someone is giving you a reminding you of a person who had these red flags you can't you can't do it again i recently like the last time i was single a couple of months ago and i was online dating i met this guy like we got along great and we like it was like such easy communication but they were stuff where i'm like this is reminding me of my axe yes and i literally end you know when i end of things in and i told him and he kinda want more and explanation i said look like you just reminded me of my ex and it's just like a pattern i do not want to continue i just did that with someone to where i was like i oh my god these are the things i love about you like i love a weirdo i love this i love that and then i was kinda like we can't we can't really do this i'm not in a place and also like i can't i just i can't reach create this person that ended up not being right mhm that means that i'm attracted to things about you obviously attracted to my ex but i just already know that this is not that you have these qualities that don't work out and ashley i think that there is something attractive about a partner who is discerning someone who is not going to immediately jumped into a fast pace relationship with yes that that it's cautious that has higher standards yes that like is making sure that you're actually right free each other yeah because then when they choose you and you choose them means more yeah not just like you are boyfriend and you are girlfriend it's you as you as you and them as them and that's that's something that could really la absolutely beautiful we're so smart if you want at the mayor's ask those questions just between us pod at g mail dot com that's just simply not be ob at g mail dot com stick around after the break were getting that you be interviewing georgia hard you listen to add free new episodes of just between us only on stitcher premium for free month of stitcher premium go to stitcher premium dot com and use promo code us welcome back to just between us it's time for these juiciest most scandalous controversial segment of the olive pot a tough question we have an incredible guests today oh i'm very excited and what's really cool is that this is her first podcast for ever seen it with the headphones on really rare occurrence were so glad we have georgia heart stark here thank you so much for joining us i'm so happy here's georgia does my favorite murder mechanical care if it's a true crime comedy podcast it's great biggest podcast around i would say so a there everyday get in like a a fight with ira glass podcast yeah and it makes us both bigger oh they're gonna they're gonna beat each other up is going to have a few to get publicity i just wanna be big enough one data the feud ira glass don't just yet great outside a book coming out called states don't get murdered a so and that was like hopped right to the top of the chart bananas everyone is a you have like a very supportive and they're so sweet murdering they're like the best people ever it's awesome and you have a credible banks thank you okay okay very judgmental banks oh yeah hate them so seriously myself yeah maybe some of the best of everything they care i just cut the myself they look great well these this is professional okay you know like a lifelong lifestyle yeah well i agree on a couple of years ago that was a mistake yeah i'm not i don't need that much face so never know yeah and i recognizes bang letters like well no myself the flood jesus so you are also mental health advocate a an specifically you do a lot about medication yeah pharmaceutical yeah i hate the pharmaceutical company but they helped me yeah we talked about that 'cause we've talked a lot about mental health on here and i think like sometimes people every time medication yeah i know that you thought you and jen ghosted the how can you explain that so she i mean it's all her she posted if she's so like i'm so inspired by her name again the viewer janet i she does landell hand out and she's so cool and inspiring unlike honest and real and she posted a photo of her little hand with her pharmaceuticals and the man she takes and not feel like fucking shit all the time so it's like i do that too and i did it also and then someone cat hashtag that my favorite meds in a lot of people have just been like showing off their medication that they need to you know living normal life and be happy which is fucking you shouldn't be like supporting that and we should all be praising that and if it's not great but it's really great for other people and i just i don't think there's any shouldn't be shame around it like needing help in getting it that should be yes yeah i think people are like god i take too many or whatever takes on oh yeah what do you what do you are really okay well bution antelope yeah that's like a baseline that i think every february that'd be i just started on it and i think it's giving me an accelerated celebrate at heart rate although that's a definitely pro yeah it causes more anxiety so i dunno where you know yeah we're gonna try that cut it in half and see what happened yeah okay what a journey well that's the thing is that it is a june it is no gotta find that perfect cocktail and cocktail and two years might not fucking work anymore yeah but then when it starts working like i think mine is right and i just out of the new thing but i don't know the name of i feel fucking great now yeah you know isn't that just such a wonderful relief yeah where you're like oh yes this is how brings you know disappointing that it's mine doesn't but it's like well no it does well thank god it's not like the twenties right i mean like cocaine everyone yeah they're like a i guess just lock screw up and give her a lithium and cocaine and we'll see what happens i had multiple conversations with a couple of friends who are in crisis like their anxiety is out of control yeah and they're still such reluctance gone i have this runs to and it's like well you think you're smarter smarter than all these psychiatry and doing the fucking years and you have beat her anxiety that's caused by the world being a terrible fucking place and like trying to limit happy life you think you're gonna fix that it's it's also hard well one of them is now i think go on and the other one i mean i've been talking about this for years and it's honestly it's getting frustrating to me because at a certain point it's like i can only hear you be upset about something so much if you're not gonna try to fix it i mean like i guess what people like mad they're pretty extreme if you're not already gonna therapy therapy she yes she had anxiety sent to the kid oh rippling anxiety where i think her i like honestly pissed at her parents said they didn't address it when she wow i just say my name my meds drag me like this like but have you ever been a two anxious to take medication not no really like i'll be like talk myself out of like the clown up in or like that's like the xanax or whatever i'll get like scared of taking the medication yeah to make my anxiety not happened you know what i've noticed though for me like i take xanax and clinton makes me fucking fullface sounders asleep i can't take like a full on opinion just like go out on the job you feel not radical tolerance when you're anxiety and you just know that it's there if you need it so rarely because of that reason alone yeah i've heard and for that just looking at it and going okay i have this like that's why five minutes if i it doesn't work try it what do you mean you talk yourself out of it yeah i'll be like oh i shouldn't i shouldn't take it like you're afraid of becoming dependent on it no like i'll be like oh minimize like i'll be like oh i'm not even panicking right now so i shouldn't take it it's like you don't give yourself the benefit of the doubt you need like he needed to know and then i'll be like i have done in my mind go no no that's what this is for yeah which is so like i 'cause you i guess it's also sort of a female thing to be like fine yeah my heart's not beating out of my chest everything's great oh i'm always like oh okay my head hurts a little you when did you start on mets a pretty young let's see i wanna say that i was in junior high when i started taking a i can't remember but it was some basic antidepressants 'cause i've been on a therapy since i was like five or six years old oh what how did you hear parents like noted do that they got divorced when i was five and i was like height like not doing great yeah hiding under the staircase like reading a book about the whole time out or like let's say we're learning like i wasn't doing killing animals hardly a no they thought that was normal i yeah and so then by junior high like clearly i had some depression anxiety and then like looking back these like i used to think i had a heart problem loan at like eight and now i look back and like oh you're having a fucking panic attacks asking you just thought something's wrong with your heart and you didn't understand why you'd have this like sudden wave of depression for no like sadness and your parents didn't bring up medication therapy that whole time 'em enough yeah no there were jewish an l a's so i feel like we were just like everyone like were all on beds were all therapy yeah yeah yeah not it's something you have to do i feel like in my like little world and my family so it wasn't another deal which is great unlucky what what would you say 'cause i've had people even in outlay where i'm like you should be legally required to go to therapy yes but i've had people be like i don't need to go to therapy i don't wanna go to therapy like what if someone said that to you what would you say well i mean everyone needs like someone who you think are like you fucking meeting some people just aren't ready that unpack all that shit 'cause it's true it's like you have to be honest and real and dealership and some people are not fucking ready to do that and it's hard on like sometimes in life get shittier for a little while you get more depressed because you're unpacking this like you're childhood traumas and you know like the reason you make these mistakes are because of these things in the past and you don't wanna fucking talk about it and think about it and living it until you kind of get that you kind of have to be in a place where you're ready to do that but once you do life gets so much better and you're able to use these tools that they give you to make good decisions end to living a happy life but like services you know you and you're needs and wants is that me yeah so many my therapist has said have just like worms their way into my i'm like this is now the thing that i believe and it's like so like just little things like i beat myself up over not being productive and then one time she was like well i think procrastination is part of the creative process yeah i lie down like like things where i'm like oh my source my therapists a taught me she told me one time you worship at the altar of doubt fucking shit shit that like moved me like i love doubting things become one of the good things happen but within heartbreak 'cause you had like very intense somewhat sudden success yeah and so did that bring on your anxiety in a big way definitely like my like things around money like i always look paycheck to paycheck before the couple years ago and so that is hard and weird and and then like yeah having people know who you are and no stuff about you yeah and then writing the book so we wrote this book that was really fucking personal and so i had a good therapy all the time you've had like i was bringing shut up but i hadn't thought about a long time yeah just add what my therapist said yeah i could go on sheri's berries that she except always struck me is that like that i should walk through the world with grace that's beautiful so like a lot of times that's just like i like i feel like race has like a big definition but it sort of just like with respecting myself with respecting expecting other people yeah not like a faster of like yeah i'm gonna think of that mine does to say that like about therapy is that so you use these tools as a kid or whatever and you're life to get through it and mine were like they worked really well for you and now you're in a place in your adult life or they don't service you anymore like having anxiety about someone yelling are having anxiety about not being good enough like that works for you and tell you where certain age and now you can learn different tools that that work for you now like but were all still using the tools we learned as kids yeah be shitty tools yeah like realize that you're not that person anymore right really like that like me gaining self confidence with a true journey and now so important china me down monster also like i think if you think of yourself as a certain type of level of success and then it changes yeah you're like well who am i now i'm now i'm like you know i have a savings account what the hell right like my thing too is like it's gonna go away it's away and you're gonna and people are gonna think you're so stupid and it's gonna go away forever don't get used to it and you know you don't deserve it it's like oh yeah you don't deserve it and yeah i know i do you have side effects have you met yeah my libido blows out on the beach in yeah it's just as about like that way for me but they'll lofted did yeah our minds along also yeah so after that to me it's a bummer but yeah we work through it like a a cause i i am like a very sexual person in someone i told someone like oh i'm on zoloft and they were like this is you on mute this is what you're like on mute are you just a monster when you're like yeah you associate sexist power in a in a way that probably like there is a lot of god really appreciate it it's less in your body of more like i must dominate that that's not about like you're sex drive that's about year personality you guys i need that has that been 'cause you're mary behind so what is that been like if you're a partner if you if i may be so bold just like getting it's like getting in the mindset and it's also because my anxiety is so big but it's like i can't stop in the middle of fucking stressing out all days ago bone right but i have to be like this is pretty marriage and like you and i do enjoy it it's just my my brain ever goes to that place of like hey let's fuck and i'm like ever that person how were you ever know yeah yeah yeah like you lost some part of you're still not at all not at all no but if you if you are a person who's like scared of side effects going on medication it's like you can't adjust that stuff like when i went on his oh opt in and and i like it was too low a veto i was like i knock knock this is important to me yeah inch that right now good psychiatrists will ask you that to like yeah it's like i've gained some weight like how important is that in their own beds at don't have those specific side but you're worried about yeah that's what i always say it's like it's like what are you willing tillis right and so for me when i was on the lot that gains like over twenty pounds and like while i was like well i don't wanna look like they're and now the mets and i'm on i'm pretty sure make me hot and sweaty oh no yeah but that's that to me like something that i could live with oh i would gain weight before i would lose my sex drive or you were hot and sweaty i'm already i think you were when i'm happy i eat and when i'm not i don't and so sometimes i feel like i'm just gaining weight on on so lost or whatever because now i'm not depressed all the time and doesn't seem like such a chore to slog through seattle i'm like i can't wait to the yeah also it's funny when we when i first got when he first got the job at buzzfeed and i actually had like a paycheck and i had money i gained some weight like what's going on and it was just cause i could just like so happy to be able to buy groceries and there were a lot of free snacks oh that's a problem that's how you know someone's happy same way when i'm skinny there's something not right i've been on this journey with my body since there's a lot of change yeah and like i read this thing that was interesting that like i don't know if i brought this up but that like women feel like they need to lose weight is just like another way that they like patriarchy controls oh yeah is it makes us focused on that instead of like everything else that's important you sent me an article about yeah i totally agree with that and to to appoint though like i use when i was younger and i had my eating disorder issues i never way more than a hundred and seven pounds that's you fucking small time yeah and one really happy i'm one thirty but i can't fit and like you mentioned dresses in a kevin my stuff like all i wanna do is do that i'm not trying to like look hot bernie one yeah that you just want a needed from the fifty exactly i think there's like you're healthy way right at one body is completely different and you're like you're healthy weight might be five pounds more than like what you wish it was the mental energy that it takes to lose those extra five pounds that's worthy shoe yeah yeah becomes and obsession and it's like you're whole lifestyle and it's like oh you're thinking will be fined one time they're not now going against what you're body wants just says yeah yeah and so just like pickier side effects based on what you love your body we we talk about something else too because we so we're business partner yet were best friends end a we've met other female business partners and they've been like we never fight for fucking stepford like and she went into this podcast where these girls we were like oh you guys miss idle time they said no and then we like a married couple got in the car afterwards and right well they're not gonna work out that's not a real good yeah we were like well okay whatever weirdos yeah and you and karen talk a lot about like you guys go to therapy together yeah we were not right now but we did for a little while and it was so helpful we've never done that i think we should how long runs before you became not long enough seriously i do we say we got married on are we had a kid on her honeymoon yeah like we were like friends for like six months before we start caring long either yeah well because it's hard you don't know the other person you both have strengths hard to work with and it's hard to work with someone else and then when you're in eight type person taipei personality is like trying to make a career out of it and like there's so much at stake it's hard it's i mean we we fight all the time and we don't anymore because he's like learn some tools but are therapists who is so mazing he was like you guys it's amazing that you found someone who's the perfect trigger all you're you're like you drive me nuts in a way no one all right same and if i'm in a bad mood like it's unfair to you that i i just get so annoyed with theo ida we are we are at like old married couple of levels yeah where like which sucks 'cause you skip all the like fun like the honeymoon skip that went who came up with the idea to go to therapy together a i think we both 'cause we busted in therapy for a long time any kind of joked about it we both had died partnerships like that ending partnerships with women in the past so until we both kind of knew that like how bad it could get so we i think we're pretty quickly realized we needed an we blew up so quickly that it was like that was scary an overwhelming and felt huge and like i felt like what we could take one wrong staff and it would implode yeah really controlling falling and so yeah we just had to end did you get a new therapists yeah we found someone like either be let's see exactly i don't think you can go to the you should go to the same like in couples therapy to like you don't wanna go to europe therapists yeah but it's interesting like that therapists being like so i see podcast partners and tubers that's their job she was very we gotta like explained to him we podcast is and what what's going on yeah i was talking about you just this week gabby and it's so funny because like my therapists it was like so obvious like she's never met you but i'm talking about you so much talk like she knows you yeah well then you know and gaby's like this and i like therapists i've talked about you for so long and then i finally i realize you don't know what you look like finally like showed her photo would you like to go and she's like she's pretty she's like i expected i don't know like that's so funny google google you know almost like google me i know stuff my mining vincis therapists listen to our podcast once in a while well and i'm like i don't know how i feel about she's she's right a full scripted minor feature lab proposal but i don't think she watches are videos no she christians read my books yeah wow but also kind of it and she had me sign one for her wife which was very cute one time i therapists that you know you don't really talk about you issues with their sister anymore and like cool yeah then she's like now we talked about gab yeah well that's what so what do you guys like is it the therapists dislike the neutral party yeah it's like okay here's who's right and who's wrong not starting who's right who's he like he like you know you'll yell about this whole thing that's going wrong and then he'll say to you like here's what she's trying to say like fritter but yeah there's there's so much emotional charge going on between she could karen tonight yeah we're not gonna be able to like explain what you mean like i do find myself just explaining over and over what i meant it's not it's not working i'm saying it wrong are you the year the more taipei person we both are which is hard yeah in our own special way but now we found like this rhythm where it's like parents strengths are stuff that i cannot fucking do in my strengths and my the things i do karen can't hang break it down for my mind i'm just constantly trying to create like new things and and like next steps and i'm really impatient and i want things like now now now in the idea idea idea 'em yeah i dunno whatever string she's fucking she's just a bad ass and it's really cool to be like to be on the receiving end of her bad that's like you know some if someone tries to fuck around fuck us over caramel not fucking let that go like slip by where i'm kinda show or and and and making a little scared of confrontation and she's not like that and i think that i'm like reaping the benefits of that is just kicking in doors yeah i can be treated he's a bad ass and she knows how the industry works in yeah like not gonna get pushed around and it's it's impressive i become definitely more like confident in my myself since like watching arguing that beautiful do you guys still hang out at friends oh yeah i mean where together all the time because of work but it's like were still always like talking unlike gabbing in beings girly friends together go were still do you have special friend time no i have special friend timeless gabby where you just do something that's not work yeah yeah he really you do transfer that a lot of important it is it's not happening i feel like you have friends i feel like you're sister yeah we always say say yeah because i thought that what you hear and we and we both have older sisters yeah so we both kind of have fallen into that role 'cause it's unconditional yeah you're other friendships alright you might get away from me right so i say whatever i fucking why not good right now cat away get away from me but it's also like there's some there's some comfort in that like you know that you can't get away and there's also like more annoyance then you would like if a if a regular right annoyed me as much as you and me i wouldn't we wouldn't be in situations where i would have no i know my friend just saying like more highs and lows yeah there's like and then like all the best things that have happened in my life have been with you yeah yeah so it's like a it's a rollercoaster you can't it's like as much as you're mad at that person at that moment you can't discount like what you guys have made together it's rational and so there's a reason for that you're like wow there's something here that people are seeing yes like magical yeah between these two personality maybe i should see it to what yeah what what is it i know that's what he's done to us pretty quickly yeah chemistry what's that about you don't try it again suddenly come factor that on this side of the table have you ever thought about what you would look like if you guys parted ways not even let you bring go there oh i don't want i don't want a career after this their entire yeah i'd like to write us into retirement and i'm lazy at heart unlike all i wanna do is like hang out with my cats and yeah reads books so great under staircase under staircase wherever yeah before we move on to our next very exciting segment do you have any advice advice for us as a as a friendship pair goes therapy i mean really what i know it's like seems extreme but it's kind of it's the same way you go to therapy he was you know the intimate partner would be like you just said china work some shit out and you know you might get you might become better people because of it i think aaron and i totally did yeah i can't wait to be a better person you would you therapy if i was making more money so right now i don't have enough money that will therapy hope i oh i've triple therapy it's expensive you do with your husband owning with karen karen they're off they're not doing right now but yeah i nine three three three different fucking that pollyanna thank you okay now it is time for are favorite segment high so cynical it's america's favorite game show are you ready to be part of a game show always okay i'm gonna give you a scenario you're gonna tell me what you would do in those scenarios and then i'll tell you probably why you're wrong okay i don't i've never seen them either so were playing either against each other together certainly depending on what the hell is it okay first game is would you stay with this cheater here we go okay your spouse have always had a list of celebrities that you could sleep with if you had the opportunity what people on your spouse's list is the fictional character princess laya you're spouse turns home from a convention and says they slept with princess laya impersonator stay with this either they were in costume the whole time no okay well so why would you allow them to put a a a fictional character on the list yes he wanted them to write their truth 'cause you thought they were kidding you don't think they fucking in in like bacon but like cinnamon rosenstein other fucking ahead yeah and i think to if you're in an oped you are no relationship maybe like are you supposed to communicate that our hair and i know you're not in a relationship you just have the list then you're just know that guy before the before you do it shoot a text total hey prince about at the convention center center with no okay bloggers are so by too many people okay interesting and all the person standing character the whole time yeah if it makes a difference what would you say oh absolutely not okay great so okay so i i think that you should have you should say okay so georgia says no staying i i say yes staying now what we find out if you're next door neighbor that prince playoff era new and that they'd flirted with before so then i i made i made a huge mistake okay i would say if you list with their spouse they cannot be fictional characters that just takes so that just means it's less people i just think that that guy is a person is really stupid if they think they're gonna fucking get away with that so you should break up with him as a really dumb yeah again right handed shooter i don't care that you cheated you're just to to broken up with people for that reason there are next game is is this a date okay you're friend is newly single invites you to go bathing suit shopping they insist to come into the dressing room while they change and try things on they make eye contact with you the whole time this date i weird a have you ever done this with them before never have you ever seen the naked before now are you close friend of theirs best friend oh well see naked person i'm like yeah but the i contact is wearing it like stuff yeah the line and if you look away at all they go look at me i mean i think there's not a day that you're married i think they're trying to kill you gonna murder yeah you never been seduced never made the news here's here's what i think is that they're they're shoplifting their seats on and then putting their closed over to walk out and they're trying to contact people yeah but i do but yeah you get in on the shoplifting thing lifting they're they're trying to get off on like being like showing off what is it an exhibition interesting yeah and you're there first target she princess is this the princess layer chicagoan me insane it's their spouse the first no it's the princess laya to absolutely happen alison building real marvel cinematic universe where everyone in these i pathetically is related to each other somehow it's just a what's it called when mash up sex her character's oh it's fiction thank you fencing all hypothetical exacts character question i don't wanna hold forever feels right character that's right 'em speaking of matchup insects character well here we are final game is this person in alien or just rude you're new boss invite you into their office and offers you a bowl of soup god when you respectfully path they insist you eat soup in front of them so they can't watch how you do it apparently how you eat soup will reveal a lot about your character why soup they laugh maniacal early and then transfer you to a different department but give you a raise is present an alien or just rude tonight is it a third that you're he's trying the drug you oh what would be but in this case know what kind of stupid that cream of mushroom and no one eats that like on its own way okay i'm sorry hold on so what department were you in you were in sales and what's primary and now now you're in marketing but you're the head of marketing why are those same absolutely no they're not they're not as i do that you've never worked at a large corporation sales and marketing neither no i worked in ity i oh wait i have a question do you owe is in her just rude i think he's just rude alien alien honey i mean my god our society a huge like their personality test is how you eat okay what is it what is it mean well if you plan to where the ball is very far from your mouth and you really you really take a risk getting all the way up a ha you're strong confident person but if you bring the ball very close to her mouth and then like see only travel the spoon very like very close a week i got it on alien commute into it so wait so did you pass and that's why you got a promotion or they didn't wanna see you again eating soup well you spilled so they could never lucky when they i again okay but also you had trouble far away so you still gotta read okay you're confident but in a knock it it's my god oh my god yeah i i would love to be confident and not good at so many people me on a silver platter come on i wanna go there so much joy when like such a big fan of your eyes are where can we find you oh i'm mostly on instagram at hard stark i fucking taken twitter off my phone all right you know and like hanging out a dive bar where the book talking about the book it's called stay sexy and don't get murdered it's a doormat martin karen and i just right out are fucked up crazy past things in like in like kind of like a self help book and it's yeah it's fun and it's available wherever books are sold any audio book you guys read i answered it paul giamati came along in your car just some of the audio i've never heard a better endorsement i love it so much cigarette after the break will be talking about fandom not fan fiction unfortunately sex character mashah welcome back to just between us it's time for topics ex ex ex ex ex ex ex baby added two axes i got spice it up i can't just say the same thing every time and to be fair you do love you're x's yeah some of on a this week we're going to talk about fandom does it go too far are celebrities spots over how their fans act i love you reid the things i right yeah like you're like okay you know it's like why do i why did i pick shit you do i wanna give you credit so what caused me to want to do this is a little over a month ago i tweeted something about finding taylor swift's lyrics in her new single me a bit controversial and 'cause my whole thing is like i i'm not a strong believer in like if you can't take me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best oh yeah absolutely i mean it was a song that look we love brendan yuri you see you like taylor swift yet you're coming at it from a a criticism from a place of love an it you i think that the song was very like promoting of like one person being toxic and the relationship yeah being like but you to put up with this 'cause i'm the best and so i i sort of like tweeted out something about that in 'em like also while proclaiming i love her britain year end i got attacked in a way that i have never been and attacked on line before we is crazy because i a shit about republicans and trump all the time yeah it's not like i have like gave very benign online presence right like tweeting about mental illness i'm tweeting about politics and we'd like all these potentially controversial things yeah and i have never been attacked like the way that i was attacked by taylor swift fans oh well here's the thing there are certain fandom that i just know not to fuck was but like i i was i got like a frayed and i deleted the tweet and instill weaker to after i was still getting attacked for it even though i deleted the tweet people went to my instagram all my instagram comments were people people tweeting or where people commenting that i should listen to me getting death threats yup like one girl on a photo of me rock climbing with like i hope you fallen die end i like went to her profile and it was just like nature shots yeah it is like some fifteen year old girl yeah and so that to me is so much scarier than a like a creepy rip incell republican man yeah like tells me kill myself because i expect it from him and it's obvious that this man is like unhealthy has the wrong perspective on things but that these like young girls turn so violent and evil and malicious over a tweet so violent you know what's interesting with that kind of stuff is i'm like they don't know you like you're defending these this person is famous as if as if they're your friend and so i tell you tell us what doesn't give a shit about you oh gee i know she's really does care about her fans but like with taylor swift want you to be telling me while i mean a die hard right that is so against her message i know and that's where it's like so interesting because i feel like these really strong female a pop singers who like are very much about feminism in unity their fans are the most vicious yeah i mean you don't fuck with arianna guerande offense no they will murder you you don't fuck west 'em fifth harmony fans on w fiance i mean not one woman who lives misconstrued that fiance was annoyed at heard about now like at a tax act as if she had like a like been a serial killer i don't get it like i guess because i've never been a fan like but like what is compelling these people to behave that way i think there is they jump on mentality like so you don't you believe centering around this person that you are part of a community okay and so the community likes to like do stuff together so they love to jump on people because they love to be like a this is a bonding activity for us this is i guess this is like us they were doing as fans as a group or do they do they think that these celebrities need them to do this really i think they think that they do i think they think that they're like protecting them yeah i think so there is sort of like the deity element of it yeah people have taken on like a more powerful than human biology and they've become idols and i like being worship and it says if i'm speaking speaking out against like the islamic god yes yes yeah and it's like that sort of like fruit like and they were like jesus sucks that's yes yeah that is like literally i mean i think i would get less pushback back absolutely said that absolutely well it's also it's not just like pop singers like the most i've ever gotten was when i wore a hillary clinton t shirt and a photo 'em because it wasn't from trump people it was i attacked for like days from bernie fans yeah like an end there's been a lot of talk where people are like bernie why don't you condemn these people who do this and he's kinda wishy washy about it well that's how i also feel about these up popstars yeah you like always give these like very benign statements like guys come on but they never actually do or say anything to stop it i think one time ariana grande day message the girl who is getting attacked and it's like i'm really sorry about that she did yeah she did but some of them will encourage it like i've definitely seen 'em a things where nikki menards will specifically nicki minaj will encourage it but that's like that is so scary to me but the question like is it their responsibility to i i this is their responsibility to be like do not behave this way like yeah part of being part of pudding music out there part of being a creative entity is that it's subjective and not everybody is going like everything that i do yeah so you after you after i think it's your responsibility to say that you don't approve of it and you don't like it there's there but there's also a thing where you lose control of your fans like i was talking to someone about that's where like nirvana kurt cobaine was like a feminist he was like very like social justice based he was like you know the music was supposed to be very underground and very like different and then somehow nirvana became this this band that like boroughs were into oh really yeah and kurt cobaine was like upset about it all the time you didn't understand how that had happened he doesn't understand how his fan base had become this and he was like never really like sure like he he was like i felt very guilty about it and so i think like there's a thing to where sometimes doesn't artist you're you're stuff as misinterpreted and it just gets away from you i get that like it's whatever like people songs were used but like the republican convention exact musicians like no no no no no exactly like i think sometimes it just gets misconstrued and gets away from you and there's tons of people were like you know so someone i don't have this opinion but someone who is like a magic dragons is a good band and the guy from magic dragons there's a lot of really great ally work however fans of imagine dragons suck at a an i don't necessarily agree with that but i was like that is the thing that happens but i think that speaks to the fact that these artist especially the ones that have a cult like following yeah they need to almost put up guidelines yeah how their fans should be behaving on social media yeah just so many of their fans are so young yeah and like they they don't know maybe they don't know any better i mean so many of those comments and i got i i think those girls are probably not even eighteen years old absolutely like it's terrifying yeah like i can't imagine being so violent malicious unlike hateful yeah like another i'd like to a female creator yeah i'm not i'm not you're enemy yeah i mean like i i like i i didn't like the lyrics to songs are gonna come at me cancel men like attack tax me so that's only like the tip of the iceberg in terms of like i'm sure what other people have said any and the heat and he attacks they've gotten oh absolutely like i feel like there needs to be some sort of like movement with these like top these especially these top women and yeah yeah they're like here's what i do not want from you know like i love you love and support but like do like do not punch down do not like a like a swarm it's okay that people don't like me like somebody's gotta say that because it's really it's scary it's terrifying and it's like really like getting an and i'm not talking about just being like i disagree with you but you're right it's violent it's violence that like and i'm i'm curious like i don't know right 'cause i'm not in these girls heads but when they reach that's we are they like oh that's annoying and then they write back die yeah are they like actually like so worked up yes so upset and so offended yes that they then right back die yes like scant like that's not healthy yeah they also co opted a lot of language and i i assume most of the fandom is is young white women and they cooperate a lot of 'em navy african american vernacular because they have just seen it on twitter so they're young they don't know and they'll just their repeating their parenting what they've heard like cancel or assess or like stuff like that like that's not the t or like what it that's not what we're about to do whatever so it's like they're just they just wanna be a part of something so they're sort of parenting this language were using the same gifts like you know what i mean like yeah there's no original thought there it's just like a it's just scary to me because you just shouldn't be so tied to celebrity absolutely like these are artists and they're just saying yeah like you don't know them like it's great to like love them in and care about them but like you can't take these things so personally like i love law and order as view i love it i love it i know there are valid criticisms of it i know that people don't like certain characters on it that i love i know that people are very critical of the show yeah i'm not on social media being like if you don't like muscatel you fucking die right like i there's no impulse to do that 'cause i'm like i understand it's got a perfect you know it's not perfect show and same for me with the bachelor nation like i often comment about it and how much i like it and why and i get a lot of comments where people like i can't believe that you support the show that like pits women against each other like that and like honestly when i mean that i'm like oh i kind of like reexamine it and i'm the only the only defense they have is that they also pittman against each other that that's a that's an actual argument not someone being like oh you like the bachelor die no but i'm saying so in that in that sense they're doing what i did there they're they're giving up yeah a valid reason though to them and then i noticed hockey you i hope you fall off backley i like i don't engage with it and then i but i like it makes it does make me like think about it is this you guys were older like i stand a lot of people but if someone said like i don't like tom holland i wouldn't be like you know like i'll be like well that's your opinion but this is game gets to me like not understanding the actual like tone of it because it's all on social media yeah no no it it it sounds like there's like true emotion there yes you're eating the tone correctly and there's a lot of it in the there's certain people that foster this about themselves that that don't really say anything about it but i'm always curious like why like why those people know i one thing i will say i love fandom in a sense that it's community i like when it's like you know people get together and it's like very sweet i also think that there are some times where creators purposefully stoke fandom and i don't like that and what i'm talking about is there was an incident west 'em witham the show supergirl okay where a lot of people ship these two characters together to women aunt 'em there is a lot of evidence that they flirt whatever but they're both presumably straight the two actresses know about it they went on eight eight show they were on the getting interviewed and someone brought up like hey people ship you're characters and they just like fully made fun of it and were like those people are delusional this is fucking stupid ed blah blah blah and a lot of the fans were really really hurt yeah because it kind of took this turn of like oh why is it so insane that we would ship to women together happiness killing either sandro saying like i mean killing eve is like explicitly plicitly romance and then i think sandro is like no no not and so like there is a part of me that's like let like first of all don't ever piss off square fandom do not what you want is clear fence you that's what you want 'cause they are die hard right and they and they were not in a scary violent way like they will they will just like follow you and love you and like buyer shit and like you that's that's what you want a but like so i don't understand really alienating alienating that and in that case i think it was interesting because they all kind of came together and where like consulting each other and sort of being like look it's okay like it's you know we're still valid were still valid lesbian fans of this show like it was it it 'em it became a thing where like i don't think as a creator you should like make fun of you're fandom which i think hanno austin well i think a lot of times especially with actors there in projects that they don't necessarily respect yeah then they don't respect their fan yeah and i hate that it's really you know even if you're doing something that maybe it's not your first choice the fact that it's bringing joy people and that people love it and that it's like making them excited and it makes it yeah like i met a mark paul whatever gosh yeah you know and like i love say by the growing up like it wasn't me like i waited for him outside of the off broadway played a like tell him like in like fan girl and whatever and he could not give a fuck like so rude about it yeah and like somebody who has people come up to me i can't imagine being in that way even even like people that are like oh my god i love you on buzzfeed did i ever great time at buzzfeed no but like i'm not gonna it'd be like fuck bugsy to their fingers or like you know you don't but do you do you follow just between us are new stuff though like who is not something i did back then touch them so like that's great i would never i would never want people to go an attack anyone on my behalf i ever we are really lucky in are fan base i'm like consistently like shocked and unlike in touch by how wonderful they are kind so kind and like you very empathetic fan yes and like you'll even see that they're dialogue is different where one person question something one of us has done and then the other person will like take the time to explain it misunderstanding in that first person is like oh you're right i like didn't get that thank you yeah like this is what interactions on social media should be it's not just like oh you said that about gabby die pitched like are unlike thank you please never do that i mean i guess i guess my take away the i i feel like almost there needs to be like this code of conduct yeah that's celebrities sign onto and that they post and that they say this is how i this is how i would love for my fancy interact with yes and these are the things that i don't approve of and this is how i would love for my fans to interact west of detractors yes exactly and i i just i don't think anyone's ever really done it that explicitly before i just think if you're a fan of someone reevaluated how you treat it like it's not you're business who likes and who doesn't like them and also thinking about what their values are they somebody who would want that they want you bashing shing other women probably not does not want you telling other women to die she doesn't you heard it here first folks don't tell other people die i mean that is in like also it makes you look bad if you're bernie fan who's doing that to people it doesn't make bernie look good no makes bernie look terrible exactly and that's why we should all vote for elizabeth warren obviously wanna come on in and give us your thoughts here how hello why do you think lay it on us i'm gonna give it four point nine eight seven hills close to break pills in two point nine seven gresham snored pills that you have to break in half and i just couldn't you can't physically atari cutter it don't have you tried a pill i've i've got a good one of my dad's was terrible and i read 'em ten out of ten cats georgia loves cats okay she looking at cas they don't like cats on them i don't mind like looking at those actually three she's got three so three out of three cat oh that's smart that smart we all learn well i learned i learned a lot about how we feel about fandom mhm end how maybe there's some backlash happening that we just don't you know we just should have some awareness that even if you're a big fan of someone that doesn't mean you can attack people that don't like that person gives them death threats and yeah exactly like idolizing someone so much you don't even know is a bad idea shocking shocking news breaking here on just between us and also they don't need you to defend them the most part yeah and i thought it was interesting that you guys brought up that the celebrity not speaking out against their fans do this yeah an i've never thought about that before but i do feel like that's something that needs to be done to 'cause it's like you're normal person you don't need to be attacked on behalf of someone who has millions of dollars yeah that they're gonna be fine yeah i remember i had like a sleepless night one night and it was like it was really early like three o'clock in the morning one of those like news talking head shows and this woman said something really like route about beyond say and i texted my friend that was living in australia at the time i'm like people like look out on this woman's instagram i guarantee in like within hours people start waking up gonna be like beehive all over a made up and like we watched it happen i wanna say about i don't even remember it was something stupid that she shouldn't have said yes i knew what was coming it's terrifying but the power but do you you're my funniest part was i guess just georgia's face during the hypotheticals engineers are not you can't ever experience xactly exactly i think when you burn me so fucking hard that you know you gotta get burned to heal i'm scaled it at all never recover some alabama i'm sure he'll talk down i i really like like the soup part do you watch year the worst of it but not that much like a part where palm paul f tompkins who's playing a version of himself but like as a horrible show runner first show made one of the characters like forcibly eat soup yeah like a hazing thing and so that's what i thought i heard a great way to god a cause all good people love soup it's a nightmare if you don't love soup i don't trust you forcing for someone to eat cream of mushrooms me disgusting if it was like chicken noodle fine what about vegetarians okay if it was like beacon chicken noodles fine you gotta be i don't know but i bet they make it right begin that the fandom we can't fuck what vegas weekends are just like that begins let us know how to make vegan chicken noodle soup and don't eat into us thank you so much to georgia for being a guest on her show i still can't believe we got i know i'm such a fan i'm losing it i know just between us is hosted by me gabby done me ousted masking are engineers brendon burns he also composer theme music producer is melissa deem boston are supervising producers josephine moderna are executive producers chris bannon and just between us is a production of stitcher they sexy and don't get murdered oh god much nasty are just just stitcher nicole buyer and i'm issues i made a anywhere that friend we have a new podcast where we talk about things going on in our live we take liver

Coming up next