Audioburst Search

#108: Taking Your Life Back (with guest Rebekah Gregory)


When you need to rehydrate Fast Checkout Hydro Light Hydra Lights Scientifically formulated. Oral Rehydration has seventy five percent less sugar and four times the electrolytes of sports drinks and it dissolves instantly just mixed one electrolyte powder stick with seven ounces of Water. No need to shake or stir hydra light is free from artificial colors flavors and sweeteners and it tastes great. Get Twenty five percent off your order at hydro dot com slash Mike. That's H. Y. D. R. A. L. Y. T. E. dot com slash meg. Today's parenting create. Kids podcast is brought to you by rock all inclusive resorts book stay at the. All Inclusive Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Punta Cana from July second to July six and on July third. The kids BOP kids will be performing live in concert followed by a meet and greet your stay will be jam packed with daily activities. Were kids get to mingle with their favorite kids? Bop Kids with nonstop dance parties pool parties and more for more Information Visit Hard Rock Hotel. Putu DOT COM for thirty plus years. I've seen every type of child throw walk instead of giving me what I wanted. She gave me what I needed which was truth. Don't let emotions win. Let Truth when do your very best and you have a lot of fun. You do it the better you get at something more fun. You're going to have it. Something you MOMS. And dads are wired with everything you need to be a parent to a great kid. Welcome to parenting great kids. This is episode number one. Oh eight and I'm your host. Dr Mike Meeker today. My guest is Rebecca. Gregory Rebecca is a well known motivational speaker and founder of Rebecca's Angels Foundation. She's a survivor of the Boston. Marathon bombing in twenty thirteen. Rebecca had to have her left leg amputated because of the damage caused by the blast her memoir titled Taking My Life. Back was released in twenty seventeen the same year. Rebecca started her own nonprofit Rebecca's Angel Foundation which assists families especially children living with mental illness or healing from a previous trauma. Rebecca and her husband Chris Reside in Florida with her two children know what and Riley as always. I'll share my points to ponder for you to start using right away and remember. Please don't just download the episodes. Click on the subscribe button. Because then you'll be joining my parenting revolution and every new episode will automatically show up in your subscribed list also not only are we on I tunes but the PG K. Podcast is also available in the Google. Play store and on Stitcher so no matter where you get your podcast subscribe today and don't miss a single episode so parents thanks for listening. This is episode number one. Oh eight stay with us. I want you now to listen in on a conversation that I had with Rebecca Gregory. I know you really going to enjoy it. Rebecca thank you so much for coming on my podcast. It really is an honor to speak with you. And I'm really excited for our audience to hear you are. The honor is fine. Thank you so much for having me. Well thank you. You have an unusual story a very painful story And back in April fifteenth twenty thirteen. You were watching the Boston marathon with your son. Can you take us back to that day and tell us what happened? Yes so it was really an amazing weekend when I look back on it because my son I had travelled up from Houston Texas where we were living at the time to watch a friend of ours that had qualified to run in the Boston marathon in our first time ever in the city of Boston it also happened to be rightfully sixth birthday weekend. And so I remember catching a red sox. Game and touring the city and we were all packed up and ready to go back home as soon as the marathon concluded on that Monday and we had started out at the Seventeen Mile Marker tracking our runner on an APP on our phones and my son was holding up a sign and cheering and standing on the fence and waving it. All the runners and one person in our group of about nine told us to make our way to the finish line so that we could see our runner cross and we thought it was a great idea and we all went down there. Ready to see her cross and That's when everything kind of went crazy. Do you remember the bomb going off? Were were you just in shock. I remember everything which is one of the hardest parts of that day so we had gotten to the finish line and we were in a great spot or right in the middle of the action and I remember telling my son because he was getting really bored and I often make the jokes that when you watch a marathon you end up running the same marathon and so we had been trying to keep up or runner all day. Long and Noah just grew very bored a he was tagging clothes and asking when we were going to leave and so I told him to sit down on my feet and play in the rocks like he was a scientist and of course there were no rocks because we were on asphalt but to a five year old. That was a cool thing to do. So Noah had taken his place on my feet with this. Backup against my sins. And that's where he was when a bomb in a backpack off three feet behind so when the bomb went off. Are you okay talking about what it felt like? And what happened next sure? So what happened. Next is is a very vivid memory for me and that's one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. I remember being kind of thrown in not being able to lift anything except my head and when I did of panned around to see people's body parts on the ground and they weren't even attached to them anymore. There were nails in ball bearings N. And everything that these brothers could into these pressure cooker bombs. My leg was on fire. I was in a pool of my own blood. I mean it was just this worst saying and not only did I remember saying that in every moment but my five year old son did but the the amazing part of this was that I laid back and I said a prayer said God if this is it for me take me and this is all in my head because I'm really thinking like I'm I'm taking my last breath. I'M GONNA die right here on this pavement and as as soon as I said that prayer it was within just seconds almost I looked over and I could see my son my little boy right there in the arms of police officer and I could tell that his leg had been hurt but nowhere to the extent that I was and so it was my confirmation almost that he was okay but I didn't know I really thought that I was going to die. And you knew that a bomb had gone off because you heard you saw the nails. You saw the bb so you you knew what it was. I knew that it was something bad. An Evil I didn't know it was a bomb at that time. And right eardrums had been blown out and all I knew was from the looks of of people's faces and just a scene in front of me. I knew something really bad had happened. I just couldn't place what it was at the time. How long was it before an ambulance came and took you to a hospital? It was very soon after in. It's really amazing. Because in these different scenes you can really see the miracles in them. Too and I remember you know being placed onto a gurney. The gentleman that tied the tourniquet around my leg probably saved my life and all the people that were injured. Were able to get to a hospital that day because the ambulances could get us there or you know whatever mode of transportation and all of the major hospitals were within a certain mile radius so everyone got to one of the best trauma hospitals in the area and it was just really amazing because when I look back on that now yes you see this horrific scene but you also see the first responders and the innocent civilians and everyone that rushed in to save us not knowing if a third or fourth or fifth bomb was getting ready to go off. They just knew that they needed to help. Isn't it remarkable? How people come in to help almost unconsciously they just run towards you now with the person who stop the bleeding or tied off your leg a civilian or was it a Amta. I believe it was an emt but I also know that there were civilians around helping to so eight. It's just it was really a beautiful thing to see because it we truly saw the human spirit alive and well that day because yes. You're absolutely right. I mean a lot of people will run towards danger in hopes of helping someone else and it was just truly remarkable. Yeah what happened to your son. Did he come with you so we actually got separated in taken to two different hospitals which that's another blessing in all of this because I got placed into a medically induced coma right away? They took me into emergency surgery and then put me into a coma so by the time that I was waking up my little boy was coming to visit me and had I known that he had been taken to a completely separate hospital and all of that. I feel like I would have just gone crazy in. It would have been too much for me to handle but I also felt like this was God's way of allowing me to rest until my little boy could come and see me. And so noah had a cut to his bone on his right leg that they were able to stitch up. He had a piece of shrapnel graze the back of his head so he had a small little bald spot. But Noah's now twelve years old in the seventh grade. And because he was sitting down on my feet I took everything in the back of the legs the torso in the left hand. And that's what shielded my little boy and ultimately saved his life. While does he remember the event he does. He did a for a long time. Recall very vivid details so he would ask me about certain people there and what they were wearing and all of these different things that guerrillas scary because I knew what I had seen and it was just so heart wrenching to know that my son was experiencing those same dramatic details in his own mind. But now noah is it's been almost seven years and we got no into specialized trauma treatment very early on and that was really are saving grace with this because since Noah was little no he's been able to have that therapy and have that time and so the the more he's grown the less he does recall and remember and now it's more of a story to him rather than something that he is emotionally attached to. Well you both had. Ptsd and first of all. It's really encouraging for me. And I'm sure all the parents out there to know that kids can heal from it but that you need to get the right resources in place right away how did you deal with your P. T. estee so I didn't realize how badly I had been affected emotionally intil fifty six days into this whole experience when I finally got to come home from the hospital. I couldn't go to my own house. I had moved back in with my parents and on the car ride home from the hospital. I just remember thinking that every single person was out to get us. I thought people were going to run into us. I didn't want my mom to pull over for any reason even to stop and get gas or anything because I just wanted to get to the house because I thought that my entire life and hers was in danger and when I got home my little boy ran out. I was in a wheelchair. My Dad was willing me in and he ran out so mean he whispered in my ear he said don't worry mom we're never leaving this house again. And it was so heartbreaking as a mom to hear that for my five year old son and to know that his innocence was completely stripped away from him and it became this trying to figure out help for him but then also I had to figure out what I what was going on with me because at night. I'm laying in bed questioning God for even sparing my life in the first place. You know I just. It was so unrecognizable because we lost any sense of normalcy that we had ever had on Boylston Street. A in doctors are putting together piece by piece. I'm having surgeries every other day. And they're questioning whether or not they can save my left leg. My right leg was in question. My left hand so life is. I knew it. Life is no my son knew it was completely gone in. We had to figure on. Yes yes in. A moment are you. I mean it's a silly question because I think you're never fully over. Ptsd but how. How are you doing now so I feel? I'm in a really good place right now. And I know that it's because I've been relentless in trying to find the right therapy in the right treatment for Noah and for myself and what that did for me was it allowed me to see how many children and families were suffering with their own traumatic experiences. And not getting the help that was afforded to know because I feel like with such a big event. Everyone is reaching out to help and they wanted to do whatever they can. And so now. We were very fortunate in the beginning to have a lot of different therapies. You know that we could try out and in different things that we could do. But I know that that's not regular life. That's not really how it is. And so there's all of these different things that people are experiencing in nine times out of ten if you're trying to pay your bills and you don't have that extra money to award therapy or something like that. It just kind of gets pushed by the wayside and so we've become huge mental health advocates. And I really feel like it's God giving us a purpose in all of this far greater than we could ever have imagined. I bet when you move back home with your parents had you had a healthy good relationship with them when you were growing up before the accident so my mom and I have always been extremely close when I was little. My biological father was an evangelist and he traveled all around the world preaching and they said he was just going to be huge and he was getting very very big in his career but he would come home from those trips and he would be my mother and I and so very skewed vision of what it what Christianity in. What God's Love was because here? I saw this unbelievable faith in my mom but my father was someone that I looked at as this monster almost because he also pastored at a local church and so my my younger sisters and I would sit in the Front Pew with our managing recipes and our bows and in clapping for this wonderful man at the pool pay and then as soon as those church doors closed it was a different story So you had to use saw two fathers I did you saw you saw the father that was putting on airs of being this really Holy Godly Man. And then you saw the monster side. Did that make you feel crazy? It did I will especially because my dad was very good at being a manipulator and just it made me question what was wrong with me and why could I not make him love me in the way that he was supposed to in so became about the guilt that I felt for not being good Enough Affleck? Good enough daughter for him. There must be something wrong because there's no way it could be him and I carried that on throughout my life and I look back on relationships that I've had and just various things and I know that that's what what it stemmed from and so when I was in this all kind of makes sense in in going forward with our PTSD and trauma. Because when I sat down at a therapy office with a therapist for the bombing then what? She told me she said. Wait a minute. It's like we have to go back to your childhood and work from there before we can even get to the bombing and I like. Oh Wow so my. Ptsd was back when I was a child. And what the bombing did was kind of just put the icing on that cake and and make me live it right now. Often one trauma or major life change will trigger pass trauma so really as you went through that it probably felt like you were traumatized twice when you move back into the House with your mother. Your Dad that must have been hard for you emotionally well so my biological father. I no longer have any contact with hanae talked. I think for the last time when I was eleven or twelve and my mom ended up getting remarried and so my stepfather adopted us. And so when I call someone. My Dad actually calm right that my dad my stepfather. Who adopted US my dad? Because that's who was my graduation who has been through all of this with me in all of life's major trials and obstacles. Are you close with him? I am I. I think that it took me a little bit to really trust him because of everything that we had been through and it was hard to allow another man to love my mom because she had just been there so much both physically and emotionally and I was really scared for her. I think my sisters were really scared for her to. I have to Monschau three younger sisters but my sister Hannah the Middle Child. She ended up being very very argumentative with my dad when he first came in the picture and I remember she would sit on the stairs at the House and not let them go on date she would refuse to get in the car and like all of these things looking back on it. That was me to just not in that way. Personality is little different from her. So I didn't express my concerns in the same way that she did. I think that's fairly common. Everybody handles an abusive parent very differently. You know some strikeout and argue some kids swallow everything and just sort of. Go Away if you will so. I think that's fairly common. So you are not in contact with your dad right now. Correct now I'm not when you went home to live with your Stepdad. And your mother. How long did you live with them? I lived with them for almost a year before I could fully function in the role of of mom and caretaker and just me in general and that was really hard because I had been very independent almost too much. I was a little stubborn and so to have to lay in bed. I couldn't walk. Couldn't even wash my hair on my own. I was so we got sent home from the hospital. I weighed seventy nine pounds. And I'm almost I've not in so I really someone that was as a patient that was sent home to die. It's what I felt like. I had I'd never been that low before in my life. And you had your son there and you couldn't take care of him. That must have been excruciating for mother. It was. It was something that it's just it? It's heart wrenching. Even now to think about because I couldn't do anything for him. But Noah was so sweet and kind because he would come in my room and I would just be laying on the bed and he would bring a book or he would bring a puzzle or he would just tell me a story and he just laid there with me at five years old. He understood that I couldn't do anything other than lay in the bed to him and that was enough for him at that time parents. I hope you're enjoying this conversation. With Rebecca Gregory. We need to take a quick break. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with more of this conversation. Betty Crocker Aka. America's first lady of food has helped generations of cooks and bakers and now when the urge to bake hits she's only as far away as your pantry these days. We've got a little more time to do fun. Things in the kitchen and a little more need for something sweet. Betty is here to help friends. I've been using Betty Crocker Cookbook and recipes for years. Actually since the time I was first married almost forty years ago and I will tell you when I'm in the kitchen. Baking with one of my kids. There is a real sense of bonding and warmth and fun. I always find that baking really helps me connect with my kids and my kids feel the same way with a full line of always. Reliable baking mixes like brownies cookies cakes. Plus thousands of kitchen tested recipes available on Betty Crocker. Dot Com. You can count on Betty to guide you through all your kitchen adventures. So whether you're so solo. Baker or have a little sous chef or to baking is a great way to bring something fun and creative to your day share some sweetness with others and de stress a little follow. Betty Crocker on Instagram pinterest and FACEBOOK AND HEAD TO BETTY CROCKER DOT COM for recipe ideas. Whether you're looking from made from scratch desserts ways to get creative with mixes you already have and when it's out of the oven. Don't forget to share your treat on social media with the Hashtag call me. Betty CROCKER TEEN INC DOT COM connects your thirteen to nineteen year old with a licensed professional counselor right where they spend most of their time on their smartphone. The process starts by completing a short questionnaire to help them understand your relationship with your teen and their specific needs. You'll then be mashed skilled therapist in TEEN COUNSELING DOT COM's network of specialists. Who will be available to start communicating within twenty four hours? You'll have the opportunity to review their credentials and directly communicate with the counselor to make sure it's a good fit then once you approve. The counselor in your teen will begin. Communicating directly teen counseling is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches. So it's easy and free to change counselors if needed. It's also more affordable than traditional counseling and financial aid is available so visit teen counseling DOT COM SLASH MIC and. Help your teen take charge of their mental health with the help of experienced professional parenting. Great Kids with Dr Meg. Meeker listeners can get ten percent off your first month at teen counseling DOT COM slash. Meg Teen Counseling. Dot Com connects your thirteen to nineteen year old with a licensed professional counselor. Right where they spend most of their time on their smartphone. The process starts by completing short questionnaire to help them understand your relationship with teen and their specific needs. You'll then be matched with skilled therapist in TEEN COUNSELING DOT COM's network of specialists. Who will be available to start communicating within twenty four hours? You'll have the opportunity to review their credentials and directly communicate with a counselor to make sure it's a good fit then once you approve. The counselor and teen will begin. Communicating directly team. Counseling is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches. So it's easy and free to change counselors if needed. It's also more affordable than traditional counseling and financial aid is available so visit team counseling dot com slash. Make an help. Your team take charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Pg K with Dr. Meg meeker listeners. Can Get ten percent off your first month. A TEAM COUNSELING DOT COM SLASH. Mag a blessing that your biologic father wasn't in the picture than an and. I say good for your mom for getting you kids out of that situation and herself because that is terrible to have that abuse go on and on. But but that you're biologic father wasn't around and your. Stepdad was there because they could sort of break that traumatic cycle so that no didn't have to endure what you did yes. It was a huge blessing in. I'm so proud of my mom and I. I try to tell her that all the time because what she went through when I was younger is something that I always want to remember and in just tell her that. She's so brave and so courageous because they're so many times where someone's in terrible danger situation and doesn't get out and I fully believe that if she hadn't gotten out when she did she would have gotten really hurt or one of us and my mom just wouldn't let that happen but it was nice to know that Noah had people around him that we're going to take care of him no matter what our support system was just amazing and even down to my little sister who my mom got pregnant with when I was fifteen and so L. A. And I are very close. I mean she would wash my hair for me and she would play with Noah and they really grew up together. And so it's just you really find out the love. The unconditional love that. Your family has for you when you can do nothing. I was twenty six years old and couldn't get out of the bed. It was it was a lot. And isn't it it's so biblical. But it's so painful that when you go through the hardships like that in your life you learn great and deep life-changing questions that you've had that the lessons sorry you know you learn the life-changing lessons and wouldn't it be easy if we could turn those same lessons when we're happy. I want to back up a little bit You course you've written about all of this in a wonderful book taking my life back. My story of faith determination and surviving the Boston Marathon bombing and I think it's a book that everyone should read because it talks about so many different levels of hurt and pain but there was a time Two years after the bombing that you actually face your accuser in court. What was that like so that was one of the hardest chapters. I think of my life this far in it was interesting because that happened. Right when I got my imputation done on my left leg so they had tried to save my leg for eighteen months and I was on thirty seven different medications just to make it through the day I was in a bed or in a wheelchair and my life was just a blur at that time because it was like I was just spinning in circles. Nothing was getting better. I was still going through all of these operations and I was just like something's gotTa give and so finally. I had the talk with my doctor and he had tears running on his face. Because I said we've got a cut off what what's holding me back because all this leg is due holding me back from living my life and my leg hadn't been my leg in a very long time and I had always been okay with the the difficult decision of amputation but my doctors had wanted to try and try and try to save it and I respected that decision but he and I both knew that it was time and so I had that surgery and then in Rehab when I finally got to the rehabilitation clinic and I was getting over the fact that I just had my left leg amputated below the knee the US attorney and the F. B. I. Agent came into my Rehab Room and said by the way we need you to testify in the trial of calmer so going back in general was going to be the hardest thing but having to do it in having to find out about it right after. I had made such a crucial decision. A life altering decision was just. I'm like this is a movie. Like how how it my ring but the part about it in the I think that it it was almost like I needed it to move on in my life and close that factor because I went in testified in the trial at first. I DIDN'T WANNA do it. I I just I almost refused and then the more I prayed about it the more I thought about it felt God was saying you know you're a vital piece to this puzzle and if I could say anything in terms of to the jury or the judge about what had happened and help them to make such a hard decision than I felt like. It was the responsibility of me and and the others affected by to do and it was. It was difficult. I mean to be that close to the biggest enemy of your life is just something that you just don't even think about having to ever do when you first came in and saw him. Well you hadn't seen him at the bombing correct right okay. So when you first saw him did that. Cause you to go back and relive some of that or did you feel distant enough from him that it didn't pull you back in time. So the first time I saw him was the first time I became angry at the situation because when I saw him. I saw him in a courtroom of people a lot. Victims Families Other survivors people that had gone through the worst parts of their lives at the hand of this man and his brother and here. He is leaning back in his chair cracking jokes with his attorney fiddling with his pencil at one point he didn't even acknowledged the jury he didn't stand up for them and they physically had to make him stand up in. So here's a guy who has absolutely no remorse for what he's done and in fact he's almost just gawking at us and it was hard. That was something that was so difficult to comprehend because it was almost like he didn't do enough damage. They wanted to do more and he was row. Wanted to kill you yes. He was proud of what he tried to destroy. And that just is salt in the wound. You know if he would have come to an end said you know. Please forgive me. I'm sorry but but it didn't so I have to ask you. Were were running at a time. We need to close pretty soon but a lot of women and maybe myself included. I'm I'm sitting here thinking about how I would have responded. You witnessed abuse at the hands of your father. Who who knows? What kind of faith head? And if that happened from a preacher's mouth who represented God? That would be hard enough but then you were traumatized by another man. How is it that you can love God the father because I think there are a lot of women who would have said no? Thanks no thanks you know. I don't believe in God when I hear the word father. I'm not interested. So how did that experience keeps you from feeling like that and actually build your face so the one thing that I always go back to is that humans will always fail us but God never will and there have been so many points throughout my journey that I have been at my very lowest and I have still seen God's mercy and his love and grace and I feel like my entire life has prepared me for what I'm doing now know in those in the midst of going through. Ptsd and recognizing my own trauma in seeing that. It went back to my childhood wet. That showed me was a need for the funding for other children and families to go through the therapy that ultimately saved my life and saved my son's life that we've received healing from and so we started a foundation. Rebecca's angels to do just that and I feel like there's so many times in our lives where we just see the problems but when we look at it in the right perspective in an through the right is we can also see the blessings and in the Bible. It says we will have trials we will have tribulations but all of this is temporary. I became disabled at twenty six years old but I know one day I am going to be whole again. And that's what I cling to my faith in a bigger plan and God's love for all of us and so I can go through the best we can all go through this because what our promises for when we get to heaven. That's enough that's enough to keep going for me that this is this is a blip on our on our time line on our lifetime line. It's hard to remember that Rebecca. I'm sure that our listeners are going to want to connect with you learn more about you. Read your book taking my life back. You have a podcast. Can you close us out by telling how people can find you? And what is the work that you're doing now? So people can find me through my website at Rebecca M Gregory Dot Com. I have a podcast that I just started called the Rebecca Gregory. Show finding joy on my last leg and our foundation is Rebecca's Angels Foundation. Rebecca'S ANGELS DOT. Org and we provide mental health treatment to children and families that have experienced trauma and I would just ask our listeners. Please please please donate to that. Because trauma in kids lives that we hear about. This is the tip of the iceberg and I see so much trauma in kids. Maybe they didn't watch their mothers lake at blown off but traumas trauma in a child's in a child's eyes. I WANNA tell everybody. Your name is R. E. B. E. K. M. Gregory not R. E. B. E. CCA so rebecca with a K. Rebecca. This has just been one of my most favorite podcasts. You're a remarkable woman You have a lot of remarkable things to teach every one of us and I just thank you so much for being the person that you are. Thank you for being who you are to Dr Magyar someone that I have looked up for a while it just. It's really amazing to me on here with you. So thank you so much. Points to ponder one unresolved pain. We'll resurface when present trauma occurs. You know many of us seem to react when we experience a certain type of pain or trauma. This is because new trauma can trigger old pain. That feels very similar particularly if that old pain isn't resolved and that's why it's terribly important to seek help and counseling when trauma or where. You seem to overreact or react differently than you do when a traumatic experiences occur to. Ptsd is a serious issue and needs to be dealt with many adults who suffered from. It are hesitant to get help. Because they feel they should be able to handle it. Other people handle past traumas and they should be able to to. They feel that if they get help then they're ungrateful that they survived the trauma. This happens frequently when A girl or boy is with friends and many of the friends die in a car accident. And she or he didn't Sometimes they can feel very guilty about surviving and this isn't true. They shouldn't feel this way and someone needs to help them work through it remember. Ptsd can manifest itself in many different ways and people particularly kids as I always say. Often emotional or mental illness in kids comes out sideways. Three if your child has been traumatized get him help when children's struggle emotionally. They don't act like adults. Do we may become depressed. Withdrawn WanNa sleep a lot or just fly off the handle at certain things. Kids don't always respond that way when they've been traumatized or pressed kids will often get irritable. They'll start yelling at somebody. They may stop doing. Their schoolwork may start flunking their schoolwork. They may change the groups of friends that they have. They may dress differently. So it's really important if you see traumatic different changes in your child to suspect that something is going on underneath and they need help there. Many times a child is traumatized. Don't WanNa tell their parents if they're bullied. It's if there's been sexual assault kits feel ashamed. And they don't even want to tell their so watch their behavior and do a little digging to see what's beneath it. If you see things in your child that you just are confused about your child won't put counselor reach out for help. Try Rebecca's angels in contact them over the phone. Alright parents. Let's get social. I want to hear from you and interact with you. You can connect with me on facebook twitter and instagram at MEG MEEKER MD. Or if you have a question Senate ask Meg at Meg Meeker. Md DOT COM. Today I have a question from Simona. Your doctor MEEKER APP. Two kids three and a half year old boy in a seven month old girl. It's a lot of tension between my husband and I on how to raise our kids. I tend to be strict. I like to follow a schedule and beyond time. I grew up without a television so I liked to limit my sunscreen time. My husband believes that I wanNA raise robots and then forced the kids to do what I want. We fight a lot because I believe it's good for the kids to have a routine to follow but I want peace in my house. Please give me advice on how to compromise on this well Simona. Your situation is very common. Most parents parent very differently. Usually one is stricter than the other. And it's really important that the two of you get on the same page with one another because you don't want your kids eventually to side with one of you or the other kids will often listen to one parent and not the other. Also kids will learn to pit one parent against the other and get in between your marriage and that's a very bad situation so you know how important it is also negotiate with your husband. Tell him that you may well be too strict. Even though you feel your aren't tell him that and you don't WanNa raise robots you WANNA raise your kids to be who they are. Tell them that there are times when he parents better than you do. And times when you will probably parent better than he does. Then tell him that you wanna come to the middle with him. That she'll honor his top two or three rules regarding discipline and you'd like him to do the same for you so let him tell you what he wants and his parenting. I if you go in there and just say stop. I don't like what you're doing I disagree with you. You'RE GONNA wreck. The kids sewn and so forth. Hell never listen. Tell them there are times when he parents better than you and times when you better than him. Then tell him that you want to come to the middle and you will honor his top two to three rules. And you'd like him to do the same with you. For instance and get very specific here television time. You don't like television but you know that he thinks it's okay so compromise on the amount of time you think it's okay for your kids to watch. Tv may be an hour per day. So you need to give a little bit and he needs to give a little bit but if you ask him to tell you what he wants I it. He's much more likely to comply with you. Tell him you'll work harder on giving the kids leeway in certain situations if he agrees to discipline them for agreed upon behaviors again be very specific about the types of situations. A bedtime television eating certain behaviors. So you really need to talk them through in detail and let him know that you're going to Come to middle and agree. Most men do very well was negotiation if they steal respected and my guess is that your husband doesn't feel respected now because you're constantly criticizing him for what he does and not doing things your way parents you know. I love answering your questions. So keep sending them in to me. You can email me any question to ask Mega. Meg MEEKER MD DOT com again. Ask Meg Meg Meeker. Md DOT COM. I WanNa thank my guest. Rebecca Gregory for joining me on the show today to find out more about Rebecca go to Rebecca M Gregory. That's R. E. B. K. A. H. Gregory Dot Com. There you can find out how the Book Rebecca for a speaking engagement once again. Rebecca M GREGORY DOT COM. You can find her on facebook and instagram. So let's recap my points to ponder one unresolved pain will resurface when present trauma occurs to. Ptsd is a serious issue and needs to be dealt with and three if your child has been traumatized in any way getting help so until next time parents always remembered that great kids are raised. Not Born Hey. This is bobby producer of Magny. Cours Parenting Greg Kids podcast. Thanks for listening and because of your dedication to raising great kids doctor Max. Parenting Revolution has grown to over three million downloads pedal over to facebook and twitter and follow at Meg. Meeker MD and check out what's new at matchmaker. Dot Com and while you're there sign up for the newsletter to stay updated and get information about giveaways don't forget to share the podcast with other parents. Subscribe so you won't Miss Anything and leave us a review so we know how we're doing.

Coming up next