153. Car Crash
Hello to all my involuntary reality show, participants animus when our phone call no names, no holds barred. I'd rather no one on one. I think it'll be more fun, man. Hello, everybody. Chris gathered here and welcome to another episode of beautiful animus, very happy to be talking to you again, so site that I get to meet some you guys this week Wednesday night tomorrow when this comes out, I mean, Durham North Carolina. I think that show is just about sold out if not sold out already Thursday night on the Charleston, South Carolina. Feeder ninety nine that one. I think is going to sell out to grab your tickets right now, if you're in Charleston, South Carolina, then Friday and Saturday, I'm doing shows that dead crow comedy club in Wilmington, North Carolina. Not gonna lie you're able to take it and not selling like hotcakes there. So if you're on the fence help you get out ticket, we'll comington Friday and Saturday night. Thanks to everybody who enjoyed our episode last week with our blind caller. It was so beautiful to see the reaction. A lot of people hated history to being bullied and said on the Facebook group on Twitter that they got a lot out of it. And that really means a lot. That's why the show exists to bring us. All together, and to give voice to people who don't get to go on record in their own words as often as they should Facebook group also made me have joined the beautiful face of a community. It's like the one corner of the internet that I still think is positive. This guy. Russell put up this thing. Made me laugh he goes, I love the podcast. But who else wants a new robot voice in the beginning? It's so offputting, and he made it a pole. I'm having to over four hundred people voted for. No, I like that strange creepy robot thirty seven people voted for kill all humans bite, my shiny metal ass nineteen votes for yes. New robot voice, please ten votes for keep current robot. But make it say Chris gathered again, which it has never said eight votes. Forget Morgan Freeman to do it to votes for that weird WB frog and one vote for clock to Barada Nico thing. I don't know what that means. You this week's call your it's it's tough. It's such a tough one. But a really beautiful in the callers such a thoughtful person, he went through something that I think a lot of us would view as nightmare. He was in an accident where somebody died, and we don't often think of that what? When you're on the periphery of that situation. What a hard thing to wrap your head around. He tells us all about it. He he really opens up about the effects that it had how he still thinks about it. And I never really sat and thought about a story like that from this exact perspective and. Think you might be really fascinated and really interested in the places where it goes. I think the caller for opening up, and I thank you for listening. Enjoy. Thank you for calling beautiful. Anonymous, a beeping noise will indicate when you are on this show with the health. Chris gathered. Hello. Hello, chris. Hey, how's it going good? How are you? Well, I'll be honest. I'm getting over some kind of. One of these twenty four hour flus rocked my ass for real. Feel it's going around and no other people with that. Felt bad my spending at all for day when Wednesday night, I I was just walking around and all of a sudden had like real quick, fever and chills and stuff than I was just laying on the couch all day, and I felt bad because it was Valentine's Day, but I still managed to rally go on a date with the wife, but I'm getting over there you go. Yeah. How are you? Are you feeling you sound healthy? Yeah. I'm sipping my coffee just got some lunch and Sawyer of posting called right away. So yeah, glad to get on. I've been listening to beautiful honest for a few years now. So me through a lot of stuff. Happy to help. So yeah, I actually the reason why I listen to before Nana. So was. Few years back about three years ago. I was in a pretty bad car accident. But I didn't really know how to handle and listening to anonymous really helped me get out of my rut of anxiety, and you know, grief kinda got me back into a place where I could kind of function day to day. I really appreciate the work that you do because it's helped me greatly throughout my life. Well, that's that's amazing to hear that the show helped. And I'm sure everybody who has called in and contributed to that feels the same way. That's amazing. I'm really sorry to hear that you had that accident call. Yeah. It was it was an interesting time in my life. It was. One of those days where Connor just get home. And you're just wondering how am I still here? A guy hit me going ninety miles an hour on a two lane road from behind on his motorcycle. And did not make it. Where I did. Wow. So you so this is what like a two lane road is this is it rural? Is it suburban what are we talking here? So i'm. From Long Island. So it's suburban this was back when I lived there. I live in Brooklyn now, and you have to chew lane road and made the right arm to it. I saw late, you know, mile down the road by the time. I was making blessed. He was right behind me. And the weirdest part about all of it is, you know, stepped out of the car didn't really I didn't really see the guy's face. You know, he was on the ground and. You know, the next day. I'm kinda just sitting in my house trying to wrap my half my head around the fact that I'm alive, and a friend text me, and he goes, oh, you did you hear what happened to so? And so and my heart thinks the kid who was two years younger than me than the same high school. And we have those slew of mutual friends. I'm looking on my Instagram that day, and I just see, you know, everyone posting and being like, oh my God. So like all of that people I know have tattoos of going to the gym in my town. And I'd see people with like sweatshirts that they made boerum and there's a lot of. Sensory things that wouldn't let me really heal from it. In the time that had happened. And was he someone that you said yet punching mutual friends had had you ever met. Yeah. That's that's crazy. I didn't know we was I I knew his brother because he used to come into the coffee shop I worked at you know, every day, but I know idea that he had a younger brother who was I really started to discover how many people we both knew once it all happens and. It's it's weird to look at people. You know, grieving and not really be able to. I couldn't come to anybody's aid because his family was doing. Oh, anything. Yeah. Wow. That's a whole mess. And so yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's an understatement. I can't imagine. So. Yeah. I mean, I gotta say when you I said you were in a car accident, I figured that the show helped you with the physical recovery. But this was all I don't know if it was all, but it's mostly sort of the mental and emotional recovery was necessary. Completely was you know, I've dealt with things I threw Terrell college. I went on around of medication and all that I been all been off medication or six seven years now, I just found that it didn't work for me. And I started, you know, the gym really is what? Brought me some peace of mind in that way. But once that happens. Since I tried therapy a few times, and it just doesn't connect for me in the way that really listening to you talk to other people and the things that they're going through helped me kind of realize that things are going to be okay. Well, I will say that's very nice. I do want to say that. I've kinda records said this show is is no replacement for therapy. And some people have said that and it does scare me. Although it sounds like you tried it and figured out that it wasn't your thing. And that's that is the case for a lot of people. But I just wanna say for anybody out there listening who's thinking of therapy leaning on this show as a replacement. That's it's not a it's not a valid replacement. I do feel honor bound to point that out that let's let's before anybody jumps into that. Let's keep in mind that the caller did just say that it was something that you've tried in that you've and that you've done in that that's important too. Yeah. All listeners, please still try. Oh, I feel like that could be the motto for this entire show. Please still try please still try. I think that's I think, you know, it's a lot of just regular people listening to other regulars people's stories as an excuse to just find a way to keep trying and. How long ago was this accident we're going on about three years now? So not. Yeah. Long. And was it a and might be stuff that you're not allowed to comment on or that you don't wanna speak to you. But you said he's going ninety miles an hour. Is it just a case of because I'm from jersey, very similar culture to Long Island. Just kid got a motorcycle. You wanna see how fast it could always out screwing around one night. And it was it just went the went the tragic. Simple as that pretty much, thankfully for me. Where it happened was outside of a strip of stores. So all of them had outward facing cameras that had the accident on video and the detective sets me they're like him. And we watch the video this guys had ticket out chicken after ticket. You're you're just the car. It happened to is really what they said to me. Wow. And had that lost has that been resolved yet. Yeah. That's resolved. I think it was just settled between the insurance companies. And all that, you know, I'm sure it was like they found something like ten percent liable or something like that just for being in the car as the goes, right? Right. And and you said that you know, as as it happens when anyone passes away, let alone a young person. A lot of memorialize ING and celebrating the person's life, and you're in this very odd position of being involved in his death. Was it public? Did did people around your town know that you were the one involved? So I told I told, you know, some close friends I called the next day was like, hey, it was me. My car. Some people actually figured it out from the town article that was posted because it has my age at the time and the car I drew and it happened on a block that was close to my house. So so a few people who pretty well. You know, it's all them few months after I read that article, and those two facts are definitely you. You're the only one I know who drive that far so like job good jobs. Our homes, you crack the case he cracked my secret. And we're was there any sense of people holding you to blame? Or did people recognize that it was it was. A brutal thing for you to go through as well. So there was only one person that really was blaming me. And it was a girl that I was you know, kinda on and off dating we just been when talking, you know, went on a few dates and stuff, and then that happened and something I didn't know until a month or so later after I kept talking to her was that he was for best friend. She never really mentioned him before. At least they were close one that I picked her up. We went out to lunch. I dropped her back, and apparently they live on the same block. And the guy's mom went to her. And was like what were you doing in that car with him? That's. Who this accident was with? And then she texted me being like, did, you know this? How could you still talk me after I'm like hope? Good more more intertwined. My life. Everything's wrapped up. And now I've been in a few car accidents. Ben in three all minor. It's. Do you? On you Kofler found a lot. That was what I was just going to say is that it's not like the movies because it's all. Sound? It's for me at least. And you tell me if this was your experience obvious. I can't speak to everybody spirits it. Just feels like you're it feels like something's going really wrong with your car is what I have found being in some minor accidents. There's this rumbling in the steering is heading directions. You're not doing it. And you just hear that. Like these weird sounds that. You're like, oh, my car doesn't make that's oh, no. That's all coming from the outside. I was just gonna say the same thing. It was that your since Asian of the the actual accident as well. I mean, I'm a early visual memory as it goes to which is super beneficial for. This event right in my life. Yeah. I hear I hear the engines. And I hear kind of scraping. That's that's what really gets me goodbye motorcycle engine outside. My mind goes straight to it. And I you I know you said you moved to Brooklyn I can't help. But wonder you're not living in New York City a place where you know, tourists -ly do not need to drive to get around. Was that part of the move. Yeah. I work I work downtown. So, you know, Brooklyn amid sense as far as a commute, but I cannot tell you how much I love not driving. Now. When the accident happened actually one thing I made myself do was the next day. I got I couldn't get into my car because it's total, but I got into my dad's car, and I was like I'm going for Dr Ali back whenever. 'cause I knew that. Going through as much as I did in college. And all that I remember having thought looking what was happening around made with the accident. Thinking is this going to break me? And I went no. It's not like, I'm not letting something like this take me down after you know, four years through college struggling with anxiety and all that. So the next day was like. Bite my lip and. We're gonna drive. So I know that. I'll be okay. So it's it's a circumstance that you don't think about too often. 'cause you hear you hear stories about tragic stuff or you hear stories about someone who caused an accident caused someone eye and they have to live with that forever. But to be someone who is just sort of wrong place wrong time and someone dies in the process. You don't hear you don't think about that story too often. But it must happen every single day that people are essentially involved, or by standards bystanders or just there and moving piece in this larger tragedy. You don't think about the ripple effect of that? Yeah. I mean, it's it's changed. It's changed a lot of. How I kind of just look at life and. Try to you know, for the first year, they're kind of felt like. Especially since this is someone who was in my school district, and you know, like. People. I know knew of them I felt that I had to live for the volt of us. In a way, you know, like. 'cause how the car accident happened. It was either one of us are both of us. And I just happened to you know. Pull off the left turn of the right time. Who's he would've gone right through my driver's side with a heavy Harley. Wow. So his his so you're saying he, and I don't wanna be too macabre. But because you're presenting the image. He was going fast enough that his motorcycle is almost like a projectile that went through your car. Yeah. So basically he hit me from behind and kind of motorcycle kind of skim the car and went under him, and he went up and the motorcycle landed on like went through a fence onto someone's lawn. Got stopped by a tree, but it didn't hit that tree. Probably would've went into their house. Oh my God. Ooh. Yeah. I'll never go. It was a day. I'll never yeah. I had a cousin who died on one. When I was in seventh grade and. Yeah. I've just never been been able to go on. And I don't know. This is not an anti motorcycle podcast. Just I just can't. I can't reconcile that image who I don't like that like that. So you you said this whole experience has readjusted some of the ways that you think general walk me through that. What are the things that have sort of transformed in your mindset? Well, so when it happened I was kind of in a limbo part of my life. I just graduated college. I was you know, still working on my college job. I was just got a new one that was kind of, you know, another part time thing where I could travel around the country, and do it's sort of business conferences pretty much that give me a lot of that was actually really helpful as well. 'cause I got to get out of my town for extended amounts of time, it kind of travel around the country and. Just not be around things that could remind me of everything that happened. But it really put. A new perspective on I just don't. I don't get angry any more really, you know, like, I I mean do as as anyone as anyone would add things. But you know, there's nothing really that bothers me so much to the core where I'm like, I can't even get out of bed today. It's it's more of like. I'm alive, and at any moment, I might not be I could just be driving home from work. So it's kind of taking every day and just trying to, you know, reach goals or just make them most of things, you know, one of my goals was by. Twenty five to be out of the house. And I keep it and having you know, thought of. I could easily have you know, lost feeling in my legs from that accident. Kind of. Kick in the butt. Yeah. How old are you? Now twenty five still. Yeah. Twenty five. So this everyone. Yeah. Then. So that's like, you just you just graduated college pretty much right there. I graduated a little late. But yeah, pretty much right out. Within the last like six months or so before it happened. That's a hell away to kick off your your entry into the phase of life. When you're when you're supposed to be finding your own footing. Yeah. It's interesting too. 'cause I found that I wasn't even helping myself so much I was helping my my parents, or you know, my family 'cause they were all kind of my dad the most he's. You said one thing that was really funny to make 'cause he goes. Oh, I don't drive that way that you had the accent is pretty much where we all drive our part to get onto the main road. And I was like why you're you're driving an extra ten minutes just to. You know, you're minority it I would still drive that same way every day when I had to I didn't change. I didn't want to change anything. I did in my life. Based on the fact that that happens at least in negative way. You know, like, I'm not gonna void certain things because it happened because I felt once I started to adjust my life based on the event that I've lost. At a certain point we have to pause and that time is upon this pause right now for advertisements. If you like the ads and the products and services that are being offered. 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Entrepreneur played by comedian, Peter Olding trust me, when I say, this podcast is hilarious. So's the character. The show makes fun of all those thought leader life, Hecker productivity, optimize ideas around our digital lives. And clog up the social media feeds. Finally, there's a show making fun of all that stuff Dexter gafa smarter than you features real interviews with successful people like celebrities and cultural visionaries business moguls. It's a one stop shop for all the life strategies to help you crush. It is weekly podcast is a must listen if your self is looking for help, and let's not forget also a lot of laughs does Dexter smarter than you is available wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks so much to all of our advertisers. Now, let's get back to the phone. Call. Felt was I started to adjust my life based on the event that I've lost. Junk my life, negativity, right? Right. It's weird. I'm hitting the heavy stuff this Friday. That's okay. I can handle heavy stuff. It's. Hard to think about I also want to say to that, obviously. And it sounds like you probably have your own version of this too. You know, we are pondering the way it's affected your life, and we are sort of exploring how can really mentally take. It's toll on you. But it it also sounds like you do feel great sadness for the kid who died in his family and friends to. It doesn't sound like there's I'm sure there's the temptation for an internet commenter to hear this, go wives this guy making it all about him. And. It sounds to me. I just wanted to like cut that off at the past. Because it doesn't sound you've indicated through the time that you're like, yeah. No. My whole town is grieving over this thing. I was involved. And that's it. It's it's. It's just another. It's just another aspect of this wrap your head around. Yeah. You know, what happened was? Bollocks? Remember thinking was at least what I was thinking of who who is this person. I just kept thinking hope they don't have kids like, please, don't let them have kids. You know, it looks like it looks like an older guy. I was like these don't make it that some kids just lost their dad. It's like, I don't want that on my conscience and. I don't know which one's worse. Right comparatively. The I think I think about him all the time. Is it still three years later? Do you is this have you do you think about it every day still? It depends definitely every week. You know, I'll have I'll have to struggle sleeping and stuff like that at times. Just because I'm seeing it in my head. Yeah. I think about all the time. It's hard when. People complain to me sometimes about small things and. I've had this with my sister a lot because she knows what I've been through as a whole and I love her. But she is kind of one of those turns Manhattan nights if you will were awfully okay. So let's if if I can let's pause and talk about this 'cause you and I just clicked heart. That's explain this. 'cause you and I are both giggling at this shared closer. So okay. Okay. We're gonna take this gonna be just a little bit of departure from the story that I definitely wanna hear an a melancholic story said story, but let us you just said something, very interesting. So when you grow up, you tell me if you agree or disagree when you grow up in northern New Jersey, Staten Island or Long Island. There's a very very weird relationship with Manhattan, and there's a very weird relationship with people who leave those places to go to men, that's what you're referring to because you were just dripping with a little bit of scorn when you said, a what was the phrase you used? Mended manhattanite turned turned. She's a turned manhattanite. The idea of being a turned manhattanite is a little bit of a turn off sometimes to the people from those outlying region surrounding men. Yeah. It's like it's like, suddenly they moved to the city and forgot that they grew up in a suburb. Did you have this to growing up in Long Island? I know in north jersey there's a little bit of a thing where if somebody's dad worked in the city that was a thing we could use to make fun of them. Like that was almost thing. We'd say to say like, oh, you think you're better than us because your dad works in the city and now grown up, and I'm like why didn't care about that. That just means that their data's probably like working hard and doing pretty well for himself. Good for him. But that was a thing back in the day. Like, oh, you're dead works in the city. You think you're better than us? There's a weird thing with the city when you grow we grew up Oper for Long Island Consob since most people working to city who live on the island. We all use a Long Island railroad that lovely transit system. That's never delayed and never called the problem. Usually the conversation would be oh, your your dad works in the city. So you've gonna be home what like nine PM, so your houses open to like get drunk and smokin, right? Is that party? Long Island has a little bit more of that party culture. I here's another question is one I feel like everyone, I know who grows up in Long Island has a right of it seems like a rite of passage when you grow up in Long Island is having a story about a time that you vomited on the Long Island railroad true or false. Oh one hundred percent. I can I can tell you. I can tell you still at twenty five. I I the day. I find belief to my apartment in Brooklyn. I went out and queens with a friend just way too much just way too much partying for a day that I for after that actually had to do thing. And I'm on the train home from Brooklyn. And I'm looking at my my roommate were actually make a and I'm like dude gonna do it. Like, no, you're not go. Yuck. I got off to make. We had ten minutes to tell the transfer went up to those like the JetBlue terminal bathroom, and I just went for it. Everybody. Great. I knew that one would mall everyone. I know who's grown up in Long Island has vomited on the railroad. And his weirdly proud of it. I'm definitely private. Yeah. Absolutely. I have. I have no shame. No. I got that cough left thing going that posted coughed laughed thing. Okay. Out with with every laugh. Yeah, I feel like the Long Island railroad. You guys have a lot of pride and throw New Jersey transit. We don't we don't have. It's not like a cultural thing to have throwing I think we're just proud to survive. I think I think we're just to hang. 'cause here's another thing to nothing til that. You can speak to because Long Island in jersey. Why are we the ones that have to deal with Penn station? Right. Grand Central beautiful. West night. I've all stand a bit about it too. Well, then you go into Penn station in your life. What is this Dr trap with pigeons? I walk into literally pigeons flying around inside. It's like one of the when you watch those old mood like when you watch taxi driver, or, you know, those old New York movies that show what it used to be like, even big weirdly has those scenes time square. Penn station import authority are really the only two places left in Manhattan. I can think of where you're like this is nineteen seventies nineteen eighties New York. They just they didn't. Giuliani ran out of money before he got to these man. What's going on? Yeah. He he worked. He worked on getting all the homeless office straight around Penn station. But instead just put them inside. Right. That's that's where as everybody's always been like the conspiracy theories of where he sent them largely port authority and Penn station seems. Okay. That was our Long Island railroad tangent. Our side, you know, what I like about Houston's retirement Long Island because you mentioned you hit the gym a lot. And you do have a faint you have a Long Island accent a little bit. I'm sure that's something you've heard and. Yeah comes out when I drink a lot more. Yeah. I can hear because I it's very similar people really the north jersey. Accent is a cousin when I get worked up or or angrier excited. Sometimes the jersey I start going that's horrible coffee dog. But there's the stereotype of the Long Island muscle head. And I like that you are a guy with a Long Island accent who hits the gym Matan. But it's your therapy that there's people who might God is some Long Island, bro. And you're like, no, this is how I can process my feelings after a recent trauma. Thank you very much. Yeah. Yeah. I actually have a few friends who you know. They don't really know. What have been through whatever? Like, oh, yeah. I'm going to the gym or whatever. And they try to like make. Oh, yeah. You're going to go Jimmy go lift, well, what you which which benching stay. All the time. You're like, here's what I'm benching my feelings fuck off. That's what I'm. Ching. Innings. Yeah. I'm dead lifting sadness, not to gain bright, right? For every for every ounce of muscle. I gained there is a piece of of misery that I find I am able to fend off for at least another day or exactly thank you so much. Thank you. What it is. It is crazy. Thank you for go for it. No continue. I was just gonna do a dumb bit. Do the dumb bit. I love the dumb bit deserve down bit. I'm trying to do this. I wanna get into stand up. You're you're someone who's inspired me to do it. All right. Well, if you look less depressed, I don't know if stand up as the medium for you stand up is the most fun and rewarding type of comedy, but definitely the most depressing as well. But if by I'm not trying to discourage you from your dreams just understand that if you're trying to avoid depression, late night, open mics are the other is it's all there is now I just wanna see if I can make people laugh. Yeah. You know? That's kind of where I'm at. I don't even care if I, you know, fail super hard or anything like that. I just want to be able to say I went for it. Well, that's very commendable to go for and I think one of the things that's really true stand up for me. And it sounds like maybe where your head's at would be very rewarding for us one of the things I love the most is that when you get up on stage, and you actually get that laugh. A lot of times you feel like that laugh is someone understanding you, and it is a pretty fantastic way to process some ways that you feel kinda twisted up broken. And I think that's probably I think all thank artists probably have some relationship with their medium like that. But I know that when you get up there, and you say thing that's dark and someone actually laughs at you're like oh, thank God. I'm not the only one that's thought this horrific. Thought. All right. Yeah. Gets it. Okay. Yeah. That's kind of exactly. What I'm going with it? Amongst the car accident. I've just been in other ridiculous. But funny situations but trying to put myself in. But the bad way that I've also dealt with this car accident is probably, you know, swiping on dating apps a little too, much and. Okay. And it's put me put me in really weird situations. Like one time I tried to meet a girl on a date and it ended up being like a flavor for love date. Contest that ensued. I missed that reference was flavor for love. So that is old. There's definitely if you listeners right now, we're like I love that show the one show flava flav. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Flavor of flavor of love that show is so that was like it was like a dating show that was like a. It was like a dating show that had drank nineteen red bull's. It was just insane. How did you wind up on a date? That was reminiscent of flavor of love the oft forgotten. Hypothesis of dating show a decade plus ago. Right next to other Bret Michaels, they have. Oh, yeah. And then they had the spin off one with New York from the flavor of love. Oh my God. I forgot they had that one. Yes. One had that good era of truly deplorable television that I loved. Oh, it's incredible. I I love watching just train wreck television me, and you spray a lot to my life. So walk me this date. All right. So this one was so weird. I master the garland June. You know, we texted like a little bit. She gave me her number pretty quick. And then she was like I'll I'm going to be so busy the rest of the summer. Can I you late summer? We'll meet up and do something. I'm like, all right. Whatever that it's a dating out. Forget you. I'll talk to whoever else fast forwards August. I got a sex marriage. She's like, hey stone. So I don't know if you remember me. I'm actually around Sunday. I just wanna see my friends like my friends doing some DJ set in union square. I just wanna say, hi. And then we'll go grab drags. So, you know, sure nothing to do this on Dale come you? So I go to union square guys doing a DJ that looks pretty normal for a man doing set in the middle of union square. Texter she hasn't texted me back kind of like fifteen minutes after she told me, we'd meet up. I'm looking around. Like, there's a lot of guys here. A weird number of men are here. I heard about this. I heard about this. You were involved in that. So. This might out me. But on this thing made the news, right? It was my Instagram post. On call the news channel. Now. Let me if I remember you're talking about incident as you were saying, I was like did we have a caller talked about this before? But this was in the news. It was. A woman matched with tons of people. And then kind of made them all show up and compete for her hand. Right. Exactly. Christian was wild. Did you walk? So did a lot of people just like turn around and walk away when they realize that was or did people get into it? There were a few people who actually got into it. Like the weirdest part was she got on stage. And we all kind of figured out that we were all there for her. 'cause we started talking to each other like in the crowd because sometimes like are you trying to meet stone? So like, oh, no you to like if she just trying to get us here. This guy's DJ sets. So we had a crowd. My law the coal assumption. You know, that you just duped us through friend, and she gets on stage or like, oh one. Do you have to say for yourself? She goes on like, a whole dating competition, and the first you think she said to, you know, take everybody out, and slim, the pack. She goes, you can't be a tourist know khakis. You must be over five eight and your name can't be Jimmy. Those were the four criteria or. Doing what are you like who? Do you think you are? So did you commit a random insta- model who tried to do know as soon as soon as I realized what was happening. I actually FaceTime to friend. And I was like remember how I told you on a date full look at this amazing nonsense turned into and I started recording the actual video. And yeah, it got picked up on the news. Wow. Wow. That's the dating apps are there dehumanizing. They can be. They can be really nice and introduce you to people got a lot in common with some people have met their significant others long-term their spouses, but even like that is someone actually tried to suck you into a an involuntary. They used it as like an involuntary alternate reality game experience. And even before that you were like us. You can't me to log. All right. Yeah. Whatever val. Forget you like those dating apps can really twist your perspective on on dating in general. 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Now, let's finish off this phone. Call. Those dating can really twist your perspective on dating in general, absolutely. Yeah. I've been on. I've had numerous experiences with it. And you don't have to really great ones. Like, I have a friend who wasn't payroll Long Island, and we met up. We just came friends and. Like, she is from Germany lives in Germany now. And you know, we became such good friends that she would come out like with all my friends to, you know, a house at least on island that we rented for a weekend or something like that. When she's come back to visit the state, she stayed at my parents house with the like, I've gained really incredible relationships from it. But then also in the same hand someone tried to put me on a weird dating competition. So. Right. You've made international friends that you never would have met with them. Also, someone wants tried to suck you into a black mirror episode against your will, right? Yeah. So. Pretty much. Yes. That's a one ship. An average level of dating apps are fine. Right now. You said you were hiding out in the me said that that became maybe a little bit you Indy. I don't know if I'm putting words in your mouth. He said it may be became a little bit of a vice as you dealt with your grief post, the accident. Yeah. It's hard to admit. But it's accurate. You know, it's a lot easier to distract yourself. When you know, you're. Constantly messaging, you know, like four people or something like that throughout the day. And it's really easy to use it at the distraction, right? And I would also imagine to it lends itself towards you can have conversations with people and even hang out with people when it gets up to the point where they actually say how're you doing or what's your deal, you can get out of there because it's meant for casual conversation. At first, right? 'cause you don't you. Don't Lille at connected to the person initially. Which is I mean, it's good in the sense that you know, it was a good distraction. Right. But on a personal level doesn't really it doesn't fulfill anything. Right. And then I'm sure they're on it to use a sound like a generally good guy. I'm sure there's also that side of it. That's like this also isn't fair to the people there might be people here who are ready to actually dive into something. And I know in my guts that I'm not. So it's not totally fair. But then there's also people looking for hookups, and that's cool too. But then I would I would. But then sometimes well, and then some, but even sometimes then you get the adrenaline rush of that. And you're like that in solve problems. And then you you're like, oh that was sad empty hollow sex in a way that wasn't fun 'cause I'm still sad. Oh, no, right. Yes. Like all know, I still don't feel connected to a person even though I did the most connecting thing, right? And the person right? Which actually if you're like, oh, no, I didn't get that lack of connection through an act that supposed to be a physical demonstration of connection. I somehow feel less connected to humanity than I did before. Oh, no. And that's the problem with anything that seems like a quick fix to your problems. Right. Surpri. That's a lot of different avenues people can go down for the quick fix. But the quick fix is over. It's called quick for a reason. And then and then afterward you left holding the bag and sometimes can make you feel even more lonely more isolated. I mean, one of the things the accident did for me, you know, I've always been I started drinking pretty early as a New York, City suburbs. Go, you know, I was drinking since I was thirteen. No, you know, blurs than go into the woods say you're from long drill. You were drinking in the woods from a very young age. Yes, that's part of being from Long Island. Yes. Yep. We drink in the woods. Yeah. We find the spot. Police can't find us than we make about fire. I feel like I tell me again, if I'm being Ceasar typical I feel like a lot of people grow up and it's like oh a game. You might play stickball or manhunt and Long Island one of the games, you play up his fleeing growing up fleeing from the police that's just a game in Long Island nature's flee from the cops. Yup. Run as fast as possible. Yeah. Run run through the woods hop offense. Run across an entire golf course. Hop another fence, and then figure out how to get home from an area where you know, what that's just like a fun weekend game in Long Island. We have our versions of that in jersey. Yeah. That that version of Long Island the last part of it is where am I is there? The Long Island railroad near me. How long do I have to walk next to the tracks to get home? Or the real fun. One of one of my friends had a car. Now, I have to just sit here in the bushes at the edge of the road and pray that they're circling looking for me and have it totally Abend into me. And then it becomes that game. Tonight. Hop into their car and time it out between the cop car circles as well. Yup. Absolutely. Yeah. Jersey people in Long Island, people are we don't like to admit it but worked sort of we're sort of cousins were sort of culturally cousins. Oh, definitely. And and and it also hurt me to even say that say what that you had to step in with people from New Jersey. Exactly. Yeah. And I look none of us like looking in the mirror and every once in a while jersey person looks in the mirror and what they see staring back at them as a long islander and vice versa. It's a hard reckoning. But it's one that we all come to grips. He's nothing say and a lot of people off with this. There's a lot of stereotypes about both New Jersey and Long Island that I would argue are our stat. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. That Nylander is live some of the stereotypes way harder than we do. I almost feel that Staten islanders almost feel like a sense of ownership to it where we're like. No, no. It's not. It's not all of us aren't there's like, no, no, no. This is Staten Island. This is how we are. Yeah. You're right. I envy Staten Island. There's an acceptance and celebration of ridiculous Staten Island, whereas Long Island in jersey have some shame. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's the byproduct of having a Irish Italian community being very strong. Yeah. The same. The parent. Shame tons of shame. Yeah. An endless amount of shame. My parents. My parents aren't even religious, and I have a few tattoos and. I I respect you know, two weeks before on that first one eighteen found down. I'm like, hey, I'm going to do this. I know you hate him. But I want it and leave this. They went through a slew of arguments and the best one. My dad said to me worker for word was he goes, you know, what bothers me the most that I won't see my son in heaven. I just felt like such guilt and shame. And that moment, I didn't even have to just had an idea. He made me feel shame for an idea. Like, this is the greatest thing. Wow. He went to heaven that quick that usually takes awhile. I know I was like come on, man. What foot while you gotta do that. I would like to be in the pearly gates with you as well. But I just want Arkady to on my calf. That was the tattoo you fought so hard for that was the one that you got in the fight. You from heaven was are two D two on your calf. But I had to now was it just are to detour was here doing Star Wars. Star to hang it out. Because I was going to say this will get your level. I was like this'll gauge your level of Long Island stereotype, like if it's if it's like RTD to like shooting, a Tallboy out of one compartments, then it crosses over to where you are a true Long Island, bro. In a stereotypical on. Yeah. The Tallboy natty ice just to match the colors. Yeah. Exactly. Like art partout to chilling Jones beach. Then we got some stuff to talk about. Yeah. If I ever got the flu Jones beach tattooed on someone. Someone who's listening that I know right now, stop me. Yeah. Me and just in the wall. Now, listen, we got ten minutes left, and you laid out a lot of stuff by. Yeah. Did you listen you laid out a lot of stuff you let us know where your head's at for the past three years dealing with the aftermath of this accident. We got to we straight away from that a little bit I want. I do just want to say that. I'd I'd love to hear like where are you at right now, where do you anticipate the future going, do you think you've turned any sort of corner? And what does that mean? Yeah. I think I have turned the corner, you know, moving I never really lived on my own through college. I stayed home 'cause easier moneywise. So this is my first real experience being out of the house and all my own. And it's weird 'cause my goal for so long was just, you know, live on my own be able to be on my own and be okay with that. And now that I've achieved that goal I've kind of just been wondering now what? And I think I'm getting to a point where. I'm going to push myself more out there who have moved to Brooklyn. But I don't feel like I've. Really brained myself into the community as well as I could. And as much as I know it's there. Yeah. And that's so young. I have to say cause Brooklyn is a brand. Now, right. Brooklyn is a little bit of its own stereotype, we've been laughing about some of the New York area jersey long stuff, but I will say that all the jokes about it aside. It's still has many elements like you said if like real strong community in there's you can go out every night, and Brooklyn and see something cool to something. Cool be amongst people who are really motivated and looking to be a particle stuff and. If you're there. Anyway, I can see why that's a priority to start figuring out ways to participate in that. Yeah. I actually I saw you at your book signing show. Oh. And yeah, the bell house that was a great unin credible show, by the way. And I think seeing that and how you you didn't just have stand up comics. You know, you had that juggler guy who was weirdly dry, but also somehow hilarious Marcus Monroe. He and that act he's doing a new act with plates spinning that blew my mind. Oh, it was so good. You really them. You will appreciate this. So I don't wanna take too long with this. But my friend Marcus, he's a he's a juggler by trade. But he is very funny. And he does there's a lot of crossover. He does a lot of commie stuff. And I was like, you know, he's kind of an outlier, maybe we'll have them kick off the show before we get into the traditional comedy help bring that burst of energy, and he wound up doing this act that was mind blowing. And then one of my best friends is named Carmen Christopher. He opens for me on the road. A lot comes out. And does that fifteen to twenty minutes lot and he went out right afterwards. And he to this day is like I still am looking for ways to get you back because you made me follow that fucking juggler. Who did the most amazing thing ever seen in? I gotta go out and tell jokes. He still so mad at me. I remember in like visibly Bollard. Yeah. We all this something that we were like, oh, it's one of those beautiful nights that you can like we were saying you can have it in Brooklyn where on some random weeknight, you're like, oh, I just saw art at a level that. Most people don't ever get to see. And I saw in person, and I wasn't even expecting it costs like ten bucks or something. Like, yeah. It's amazing. And then he got a walkout, and here's my one letters. Like, this is my ten minutes. I have. But he did. Great too. Good. Great. He always kills. He always finds the room. Okay. So you were saying I hadn't really well. I love hearing the side of my dot night is really fun is really fun now car and now Carmen following. The most amazing ten minutes of your entire year. We also got this guy Carmen give it up smattering of pause. Fun. He doesn't even have a star. He's just got. And now out here by he's got a nice jacket on that. Second anybody anybody? Hello, hello. This thing on. Very well. Got about five minutes left. My friend out five minutes on man. What do we need to cover? What are the bullet points? We haven't touched upon yet. I mean, we're both pretty nerdy. As far as it goes. I love me some marvel on Finnity gauntlet tap Sudas as well, really Star Wars and Infinity. Do you have any pro wrestling tattoos because then you'll have my my holy trinity. That will get you into heaven. No, I meant holy trinity. I know I wasn't allowed to watch WWE growing up because it was to Beilin same here. And I snuck I had a. Oh, you lucky son of? I was always so sad going to school in them being like you'll do. But I watch it. I watched emerald live. That was good. Gotta get left watch. Cooking shows emerald tattoo on if I was gonna get a cooking show tattoo. It would absolutely be Julia child. You thought about this before on? Yeah. Yup. Just just night portrait. Julia. Yeah. Can't go wrong can happy. We're. Not can't go wrong. There. Oh, one thing. I have wanted to ask you a quick time left where where do I even go in Brooklyn to kind of dip my feet into stand up. You're comfortable saying places, you don't have to into another like somewhat secrecy. I mean, just you know, the constantly changing more than the secret. You mean as far as doing stand up for the first time or watching stand up doing? You know, there's. A lot of open mics. There's one place that I think give me one second. Sorry. Getting over that flew thing. There's one place in Long Island city that which is queens. But right at the end of the line called the creek in the cave, and I think that's a traditional spot. They Rebecca who runs that place has done a great job for years. And she runs a ton of Mike out of her space, and that's a traditional spot that a lot of people go into their toes for the first time. And then as far as the Mike in Brooklyn, go a few websites, you can find that sort of list directories of the open Mike says they happen. He's got to be careful because a lot of times those Mike will stop happening die out, and they still wind up sitting on those calendars. I wanna just call those places or hand and make sure they're still happening. But you know, they're in the neighborhoods. You would expect there in Bushwick in green point and still Williamsburg a little bit. And then also a lot in south Brooklyn down, especially Ghana's is kind of a place where. Yeah. There's a bunch of stuff like that. Yeah. I live pretty close to union hall. I keep saying that get bigger and bigger. Some great stuff. I've been doing shows there for years and union hall and little field and bell house. Those are great places to watch stand. As far as the open mics. I'm not sure I'm not sure exactly what's alive right now. Just because it's been a little while since I've been come into that same. But there's tons out there. I'm trying to think the used to be a site that I don't wanna say the name because I'm checking right now, actually on her computer, Seton. Yeah. That one's I think is still going on. It's called bad Slava that was when that used to they list into open mic all over the place. But I think that I think that they tend to leave up a lot better. Not happen anymore. Even seeing if that no I mean, they still have I clicked on bad Slava, and they have all the Mike's happening today. Bad Slava's, the one that I think a lot of people have used historically over the years, bad Slava dot com. That's where you find your open mics. Yeah. I think there's another one to hold on. Now. I'm just googling for you could've just Google this yourself, man. This is the most anti climatic this morning. God googling this morning. I was going to DM you Chris. It was the whole thing that I had album with I was like do idea. And this man who does not know me looking for up advice. I was like no don't bother him too much to instinct. I was like it is to me to this of. There's also talking to you today. I'm like, I'm taking my opportunity. The only time I get to do that. There's a bunch of good mice. But the one thing I'll say a few seconds left. Don't do the pay for play ones. Don't do the ones where they make you pay to there's enough free ones out there. Perfect. All right. That was the most insular ending in the history of the show. Just New York open mics for you. I think everyone turned this off forty five seconds ago. But that's okay. It was nice. Coughing. Sites. Caller. Enjoy your open mics and just Google it yourself next time. I just Google. I did. But thank you so much for your call, very genuinely. I hope it goes. Well, those mics hope it's not too depressing some types the and most of I keep moving forward and make progress in figuring out how to reconcile that dark dark incident. If years back before. And that's a commendable goal in wishy the best thank you, Jared O'Connell and Harry Nelson booth. Thank you, just Linda, thank you shall Chan for music dates road out there. I'm doing stand up Chris gift dot com C cities ticket links like the show go to apple podcast rate review. Subscribe really do see next time on peaceful. Next time. I'm beautiful anonymous, you know, there's a lot of jokes about how dads want to keep their daughters out the strip club. What do you do? If you got only one. So we're I'm from strip club tend to be a little bit more. I'm trying to find a way to put this infinitely. They tend to be a little bit more party asked than like, I know a strip club in general tends to be like a party. But this one in particular is really over the top. Okay. We're dancing around something. That's next time on beautiful and on. Hey, guys, wile, one agree episode of the show that you listen to whatever you were just listening to that were cutting into welcome. Welcome louis. We were listening. Welcome Leia where yes, we were listening to the show as well. With you. We love the guests. They had a classic guest on their someone who always feel like this show. You two is really finding its feet. They started great. Yeah. Now, they like know exactly what they're doing and still innovating after all this time, and they had a new gas who I wasn't really sure if they could keep up with the host. But they they actually really did. Oh, sometimes you're them. Yes. This this is Sean Hayes from Hollywood handbook being of shows finally finding their fee, we we are Hollywood handbook hosts, and we have never really known what our show or done a good job at it. But after six years a phone and get in. We've decided that this month we're going to try really hard. And so we have big guests. We have weird Al and there's going to be three other people plus premium subscribers can hear live episodes from our boy. Gone bad for every Friday starting March eighth, but we are only trying for one month. And then we will never do it again and Hollywood ham because on Stitcher apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast and Kevin made us do it.