Career Crossroads


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Talking about things that the press will grab because I'm so sick of defending ill. And I was like I'm so sorry I know but I'm just like our podcast is about relationships and I just feel like it's important to you know talk about things that come up and ways that we handle it and she was just she was like, no, I totally get it. She's like it's just The people that I don't know us just kind of read a headline and when they hear like Oh my cheated again, they don't actually click on it. To to read to reportable the article. So it's you know I had a few people reach out. Did you did you have any? Friends. Out Had An old sister-in-law reach out and then I had I had to people just check in with me say is everything. Okay. I heard the news or saw an article wanted to make sure it wasn't true. And I was like oh it's like. You know people are also will say, well, we're just trying to get attention. Are you know they'll say like enough of them already like this is just all for money and offer show and Show me. The money all our money. I think it's just one of those things where. You know we've. Kinda the same thing when people ask us about our book like why why do we talk about all this stuff and you know it's we know that it's helping people. We know that there are certain things that we talk about that helps people in that group of people we. Are doing this for because the other people aren't gonNA. Get us. They're not going to like us. They haven't liked us. They'll never like us. And I'm kind of just I'm now does okay with it and usually I feel like I would come to the defense or be like, no, no, no no but it's like whatever they're gonNA believe that they're going to believe we know our truth we know our story and it's kind of it is what it is but we are excited to get Cherie. She's been on our show before she's kind of like an all in one thing from life coast life coach therapists she's just sort of leader motivator said we're GonNa, get her on the show really excited to talk to her again because it's been a while. And Yeah, I don't know I, mean, how do you feel about everything bad I mean it's one of those things you kind of hit it on the head it's. At this point I. AM getting better at not paying attention to any of that kind of noise in. It's just like, okay because we just know the truth and I'm farther out of my shame, we're closer together with our connection and entrust on things so. Just, pee. Click Bateman people are going to see things and unfortunately people are drawn to negative news rather than positive I feel like. So I mean, it is what it is. People can think what they want, and even before stuff like this comes out people still say I give them five years he's going to. Press Hilton goes. I see Khloe see like this. Khloe in interest in two years some calling it oh Jeez. But I. Don't know. Do you have any regrets because of the things that come out and that we talk about? About sharing. So publicly about Everything. I mean. Yes and no short. Would it be great just to live our private life our personal life privately and not worry about. All these people having opinions whether positive or negative even. You know people writing articles that aren't true or. May create an headlines that just for attention or click bait I mean yeah. That gets old and it gets frustrating when it's about your personal life but on the other hand. The people that we've connected with. In the people that have reached out to us. In the people close to us. The benefit. That we see firsthand. From what we've talked about what we shared? Completely, outweighs the negative. You know the fact that like the guy that I had lunch with a a week or so ago and is for people being willing to open up to me. Man, man. About things. On my this is why we did it for me. I was like this is this is. More connectedness than than. I could ever think of from a someone who was a stranger. So again, the fact I'm you've seen the the amount of people that have. An men that have opened up to me or to us or couples that have opened opened up to us around the stuff. So it's just that outweighs the negative for me. Yeah. That's good. Yeah okay. We have Cherie in the waiting right now. So let's get her in and chat about all things. Twenty twenty relationships. What you put on your hair should be just as nursing and nutritious as what you put in it. Right Mike. Of course. That's why I've been using hair food a brand with a simple mission to feed your hair like you feed your body by focusing using real food ingredients. Hair food has crafted the perfect recipe for every hair type and texture. Unfortunately, you know they don't deal with bald heads but Ivan loving it because I really really liked their shampoo conditioner. So one of their most popular collections that I've been using the nursing coconut in shy spice shampoo conditioner it's so nice. It's soft it moisturizes but leaves my hair feeling very silly. And super soft it also smells amazing like a beach vacation for your hair and since your hair deserves the same clean and healthy ingredients he put in your body, every half product is free of sulfates, parabens, dyes, and Mineral Oils. So if you're ready to give your hair the nourishment, it craves try hair food checkout hair food at Walmart target and Amazon for under ten dollars. Masks are the hot new accessory in many of old navy's falls have. That match old Navy non-medical face masks are soft washable and breathable made from three layers of one hundred percent cotton there. So versatile and easy to pair with your outfits from the low key to neutral too bright and bold since we're wearing masks of the store running errands on evening walks basically everywhere. It's great to have plenty on hand old navy. made it easy because they come in multi packs and are just twelve fifty per five back and twenty five bucks for ten packs and because you should cover your. Face not your personality they come in a whole range of fun unprinted patterns and colors from Thai Cammo and even cute little critters which are kids loved, and we found one tip to getting the little ones to wear them. They love to act like they're big siblings. So get them masks that match just a little bit from your friends Janet and Mike they're available with new adjustable your loops for Max companies to so hadn't your local Oh navy or shop old navy dot com see old navy dot com for details. Hey Cherie. How are you? It's great to see that onto. How has twenty twenty been for you? Oh boy is Ben like surfing he especially with your, you know your background because your life coach therapy kind of all in one everything. So has it just been exploding Yeah Yeah I think I. Think we have been saying that the people who do the work that I do like we were made for these times we clearly have been preparing for this moment. because I spend a rocky ride for me and I've got a lot of tools. He knows. So I feel like. I am hopeful that the these waves are making us do the inner work everybody. When you say that you know you've obviously because we've all experienced twenty twenty and had our own challenges along the way for someone who is supposed to be so. uplifting and encouraging and. Helpful when you face your own kind of inner demons because I know sometimes with Mike and I when we are communicating good but I'm like, but we wrote about it and we say to do this but we're not doing it and. Then, with you to where it's like if you feel depressed and you don't know how to lift yourself up, do you kind of get more harder on yourself? For Seri. Their time I would say more when I was little younger it because I think I've been around the block on up to know that. We have to be working our own, our own wisdom, our own tools always, and I'm really clear about that with people at I may be you know. Couple steps ahead sometimes than somebody else or have been through you know as particular challenge in use the tools more. But anybody who says that they've got it all dialed you know who? Don't use their own walk own talk you know that I'd be a little bit. Cautious about you know for Sir and so I think. What I know I need is perspective I need I need my people you can have all the tools in the world, but it's it's sometimes very hard to do it alone, and so this this time has had me just really Nurture relationships and spend more time you know on the lovely screen. Unfortunately it with the people that route me who you know reflect back to me in my own humanity and make it easier. Acting, we all go a little bit crazy for sort of in our own heads trying to be perfect at all this I think that's a great point for a make up. I know I'm this ways try to do so many things on my own right when it's like we don't have to you know in so many people wanted to struggle like no one's gotten to where they've gotten without help. You know in whether it's directly or indirectly. So especially, in these times I think that's a great point for our listeners to Kinda hold onto and Cherie you know you're also titled As A. See if I can say correctly, possibly -Tarian. Yeah but she said. Can. You can you give myself and our listeners kind of a synopsis of what that is that What that title means Yeah I mean on technically called the founder of the luminaries are board certified coach all those you know titles fat feel More traditional but I think the possibility Terry entitled came in at a certain point I said look at the bottom you know the bottom line, the end of the day I'm here to do what I do because I believe that anything is possible. I will stop at nothing to get you what you want and to answer the big questions that I think people. Get stuck with in life I who am I, what am I here to do the big questions and I? Think ultimately, we are infinitely free and powerful beyond our understanding and we're not told that by our culture by our parents unless you're really lucky and. My job is to come in and hold it back a big near. And do this be like lucky you are the universe you are everything and you are capable of everything it. It's just maybe that you don't believe that are you don't exactly know how to go about it and and that's where I come in. I think, I've just a weird. Way of getting just creative enough to. Overcome any obstacle. On that topic. Is there because I I understand just from talking to people, friends, family whatever you know everyone at some point in their life has a crossroads where it's like, should I stay in the career job that I'm in or should I take this unknown leap into something completely different or new that? Know someone has an opportunity in is there ever a time that you've worked with somebody that you're like? No, don't take that chance. Wow No probably not what I I never even look at crossroads like that is binary like there's the blacker a wide a writer. Wrong. There's always a multitude for sure of lays right. So let's say the only thing that I can think about in a particular scenario like that where I would advise somebody to wait a minute would be if taking the lead caused. Enormous amounts of stress financially. It would put if it would cause harm anxiety in a way that was unbearable than I would say, let's stay with enough certainty at the current job or in the current relationship to continue to figure out what the next move as. To plot out, you know and and be in kind of a hybrid scenario where we use the certainty and the safety of the current situation to. strategize what next and not make an immediately 'cause that that's true for some people you know they can't give out like the golden handcuffs the great check the paycheck whatever to go for the dream job. But now I mean life is short. I will always help people live the dream. What if it's one of those things though were you know they want to be a singer but they're tone deaf. You know. where it's like. You Ain't got it sister. Sorry like do you. Do you kind of go. Well maybe we should. You know how do you when when it's like because there are there has to be those because I have to think that we're going to be those parents not discouraged but if we're like, hey, honey like your tone deaf, let's try to get maybe lessons but. Do WanNa try soccer or. You Know How do you? How do you do that when you're just like? That's tough. 'cause I don't know many people that can get over being tone deaf. I see that's where it may maybe the possibility -tarian kicks in because I'm like. All right. Well, we just need to go to the top. You know we need to find the person who will absolutely crack open and and you'll have that experience. Now, what if that I mean I don't know if the person didn't. Make It. You know at the full-time gay go professional because we know that career is the hard one. They should still sing all the Goddamn time I would be like you need to go karaoke you need to have banned did have friends Oh really can you do all? Because clearly I believe if we have desires. Even if they're not matched talent the desires ms for a reason, they're they're pointing us in the direction of the light for supposed to have. So I would say you know follow about joy. In whatever way but yet varies refined met. So they were held on on being professional, then we would scale up. So Reserve. In your experience have you worked for someone's at maybe it's not as black and white like that. Like either you can sing you can't. But maybe someone wants to get go into a certain direction in the. Does any realistic part of you come out and be like just knowing what you know about them might not be the best and you steer them maybe in a similar but different direction I don't know. How To whole discovery process that I go through I, dig deep into someone's soul. Relate through a process of asking great questions and opening up this kind of limited space to just remember what you already know. Can we try that right now? Can you do that with Mike? We don't we. We can start it. I read it takes some time. Let's dig deep in that soul baby. But I feel like he needs, we need to dig deep in this one. Let's just try. Can we try? Are you at a career crossroads is that what we're looking at? I don't know you tell me. Every janitors wants to keep me busy. Do. You say sometimes that you don't, you might question your. Ear Go get him. So maybe it's because maybe that means you're not passionate in it. I think. Okay. So for me, I came from a career that was everything was scheduled for me. I was regimented every I mean every hour every minute of every day. and. Then when I transitioned out, I mean that was my entire life with athletics and you know in college and professionally. and. Then getting out of that, you know there was a challenge trying to find I think now. It's still I. Mean Janet and I do a lot of things together. Obviously, we do this we had the book you know there's other projects we WANNA to work on both together and individually but. There's I don't I. Don't know if I have that thing right now that I wake up every morning that motivates me to work on. You know what? I mean. I'm not waking up by Jonah. She's a creator. It's unbelievable. She I. Think it's like every other day she throws an idea at me. She's like with this begun on Shark tank and then there's let's it out. And I feel bad because I'm the real listen I just have to shut it down on me on the gate. It was something that already exists or this would happen or whatever. She's the dreamer and I love her for it and you know I feel bad sometimes because I don't have that imagination or that creativeness as much as she does. And I'll say to because there are things that I wanna do with him I don't get that. And like that energy from him. So in my mind, I'm like, all right. He clearly doesn't want to do this because he's not. Following up with it. I've said it ten times and I so I I have that okay. Well I'm GONNA then Vera. Different Way and go different way because I don't think he's passionate about it and that's fine but I just wish she would tell me kind of. I. Guess. It's like the drive is like you're missing, which makes me. I make up that you might not be passionate about it. and. So it's like where where do we? Where do we ignite the the dry? Like how can we find that does ignite you that you do get excited about. Instead of just like we have to office and right. Or something. About. The book no I know you but again it took. Flight to the fire and not stresses me out. So dealing with them like this is scheduled let's do this week. We do this and this we added in this new this chapter and it was like. Two months left and I'm like, what are you do like? We gotta go man like then he's like I worked better music now a- work and I'm like, oh Yeah. Why did you say Mike you worked better on what under pressure under pressure? Yeah, this is what I want to go back to is when when you are highly scheduled, did you love that? Yeah because I knew what my day looked like. There wasn't any harm it was just. Got Me out of my own way of justifying a rationalizing Nah no later. Now. Do you tomorrow? Oh it's not that important and is my job and I'll get fined if I didn't go. So you know that that helped motivate me as well but. Yeah. Yeah Yeah. So there are a couple of things coming up for me but when I when I talked about ultimate career strategy with people like what would you be? I think where you are. Jonah. Like lit a passionate about something like fully on fire being in your Creator. Is You have to know what your essences like the essence of you, the gift like the thing that has just uniquely and go where you'll be used for that. So I don't know that you found that yet. You know that you could and and or even when Janet brings idea and says, let's get really excited about this and you are but the role that you're supposed to play is still not clear. A gweat you actually have to do to you know. And there could be I mean as an entrepreneur. I know there's a lot of things that I have to do that I don't particularly love that aren't my essence just come with the territory so that needs to be sorted out. In. You may just get on board with an idea and still put up with some of that dragging your feet a little bit 'cause just not. It's not your ultimate joy. But I think I think it'd be interesting to see like what is the thing that's uniquely you that you want to go for whether or not that might be a shared project with you. Janna. I don't know. Because right now just doesn't feel like anything's totally calling you and that's nothing to feel bad about we lose our Mojo motivation all the time when we're not on a clear path when we're not aligned with what we're here for. Now and I've always told them to like I've always been the like. I would love to do this with you. But if you don't WanNa, do this like I know he really wanted to go and law enforcement and we've talked about a few times on the show and you know he wanted to. But. It's the kind of that thing where it's like he was like Nah like this is easy or you know like I know you've got license, but you haven't really worked on it. So it's just it's one of those things where I'm like and that's okay if that's not your passion and then let's than then don't do it but you put these things out there and then you don't you don't go through it and so I wanna be your supporter like I want to be like, okay. What am I going to support you on? Is it. The real estate is it our projects? Is it? You know? Is it law enforcement like what is it? That like will ignite you excite you to want to get out there and do it then. I think what what's coming up for me is. Because I because of my my background of just being so scheduled and it was non-negotiable right? Like it wasn't like. The time may change it was that's the time you're doing something. Period I mean I can schedule you. You Know My. My dream is scheduled anytime. We ever lose a bet I'm like my dream and what I would do it's not it's not an hour massage or whatever or I would love to schedule his week like it would just give me and you know what would be. It'd be like he gets to work out from this time this time he you know whatever go play golf on. Tuesdays and then we do. It's like I would it would give me so much joy and I'm like and I feel like he'd be happier because I know you love schedules. Again, what comes up I grew? I concur. What comes up for me is because of things that we do. There there is a changing of schedules at times. Sometimes, you'll have things that change. Sometimes you'll have to do this at this time instead in this this time. So Hey, actually this got moved. So can you kids now? So I can do this. And for me, it gives me so much anxiety. Even though it's a normal question. But it just does because I come from that background schedule schedule schedule if I schedule something and it has to change. It Like. And then I take it personal like my doesn't matter. You know what I mean, and then we just had that argument yesterday. Remember this morning. Let alone yesterday. It was about that where it was like your time and felt taken advantage of and correct correct and so I'm like what how I'm so sorry. Anjana. So good at. When. It comes to work stuff she so good at being more flexible or like her schedule for day his I have such time. So my fear is that if I say hey. You know I want to work out from nine to ten and from ten thirty to. Twelve thirty on studying my real estate stuff, and then from this time this time but it's like it's not realistic because. We don't full time with the kids that go to school twice a week. We have a babysitter once a week. But were around the kids all the time we have set to do. We have you know podcast off isn't like every Tuesday at this time we do it. That's ever changing. you know stuff that she has to to post do whatever is hey, I gotta do this real quick. Handled the kids yes. Of course. And so but if You're invited just talking about her now I know. Like your like if that became a constant thing if I started scheduling stuff my fears if I scheduled stuff. So I know my fear is if I schedule things me and this is like real coming up I haven't really Feel. Society fears that if I schedule things and I'm constantly asked, Hey, I need a few minutes to do this. then. I again, I take a person like, okay. Your poster whatever you have to do right now is more important than me sitting down to even if it was me sitting down to eat lunch and now is the time that is scheduled to eat lunch that would drive me nuts. Whole man. I feel it baby jake I wanted to marry legally validate what you're going through. My son is sixteen years old and if I ask him to wash the car out of nowhere, he loses his mind cause. He's like already had a plan for the day. You didn't tell me this is a masculine energy thing that Gina and I when we're in our masculine when we are what that equates to is producing a result when I am. Heads down, trying to produce a result and somebody comes interrupts me. It's crazy because now I can't produce the result. It's like you've forwarded me on my road to winning. It'd be like you in your sports and somebody comes at you know like takes you out of your schedule and you're like. This is not negotiable trying to win the game. That is what we're doing when we're in that sort of laser focus. And it's getting really crashed being at home with kids and all of us all up in each other's business. You know like if you went to an office in, you could just power through you'd be so happy because it also meets the need for certainty and control. To be able to be in charge of something in your life. So this is kind of a core issue that you've come to spend like. I don't think I'm. I don't think I'm GONNA put any stake in the ground because that's GonNa be that's GonNa Cause so much pain. Who you don't have what you need in order to get passionate about something. Because you know, you don't have what what you need in order to to win. And I, feel like it goes back to for you to within the beginning where it was like it's all about you and your schedule them what instead of really vocalizing what you need. And Being you know having the flexibility, but unfortunately you take you take it on. So personal that just because I say, Hey, can you I gotTa Post Redo it or whatever. You know you automatically go to your stuff is an important and that's not true. But that's how that's what you feel socks I'm sorry that that's what you hold. Well, if we go super like DNA with this, you and I Janet if we identified more feminine, this is not a gender. Thing. But if you're in that flow state near Creator and you just go on multitasking doing one thing to the next that says to me that you are working that DNA that we had when we were like cave women go out to the field and we go all of our friends and we make sure the tiger didn't need the kids and my got all the blueberries wouldn't kill the tribe and Mike doing fifty million things were like, Hey, girl grabbed. Get hit by the tiger. Excite. You know. When somebody is in that I got a that year kill the deer that's not going on and don't ask me to do something. Well, I got it in my line of sight cause and I will miss him and we will not eat for a month. You know it's it's that kind of dynamic. Right now and you're like girlfriend can you help me with the kids needs like hat and we're getting into an argument when I asked him a question when he makes a peanut burned jelly sandwich and I'm like, what do you mean you can't talk to me and make a sandwich like it's it's mind blowing liver died needs to eat. Don't interrupt you put my sandwich in my face then I'll talk to you. It's a thing. It's a real I've studied this for years and one of a great great resource on Mrs Alison Armstrong she she does work with understanding our differences that is game changing. So what do we do about that so that he doesn't have doesn't have to hold this because at and when he talks about I feel the CIA I feel the heaviness the how you talk in your breathing and you know. I'm so grateful for you Janna that you can be that compassionate empathetic can feel him because that's the start. That's it right there if you didn't understand the newer shaming him for this and making him feel less fan that's what a lot of us do. You know where like what's wrong with you? I think one thing at a time I appreciate that but can asterix something with that because it's an argument that comes up in our relationship he'll say I'm faked supportive. And so. He'll if he wants to do something but then something comes up and we there's an issue around he's a year being fake supportive and it's like but something might just change and maybe a feeling or or a schedule or something, and I And when he takes it personally, how can I still support but also? Have my own. Along with it for changes in schedule or without being like 'cause it's it's hurtful when he says that because I'm like I want to support and and make him you know I want to encourage him to do what he wants to do and be happy. Yeah Yeah and I think just knowing that just hold onto that Mike that the intention is always there to be a really good supporter and this is just a micro shift. This is what's working with. So many couples I know that I've been working with this year trying to read draw the line said the rules being together. I think there needs to be an agreed upon block of time that he gets. You also get by the way that you both get this block of uninterrupted time that is honored at all costs unless somebody's bleeding, you know what I mean. Yeah. Where he knows he can count on this time and that he in that moment I call it he goes into this mode of being accountable for something. Right? He's to produce something even if it says on just zoning out you know and not doing anything sacred time for him to produce a result. You then de facto become the supporter, he's he's a protector provider of this result and you become a supporter enhancer which means your job is to make his experience successful and delightful. And it's not you never take on this role defacto it has to be agreed upon that. You want to do the otherwise you become reluctant supporter and I don't think that's fake support for you. I'm not getting reluctant you just. Life. Is Happening in changing and that makes it difficult to support him. Well. So you throughout each day it changes what would supporting today look like. How how can I support you? Exactly. You know what do we do? Something comes up. there. There should be no interruptions I. think that's really how it has to work in. You know that you equally have the same thing like I have a particular client right now who you can hear the kids are blood curdling screaming in the background while she's trying to do like strategic work with me and it's because her husband cannot corral kids. He just he doesn't have control over them S. Like this is not negotiable that you have to leave what you're doing and try to corral them just because he can't do it. So they had to bring an extra help. Or they're they're just there needs to be very, very firm boundaries around each other's time. And then when you have feelings about changes or ways that things are. Going that need to be discussed it's outside of that block of time. You know maybe in a lovely place with beverage where you get to say. Okay. Let's refine how this is working. Here's how I'm feeling. This is what's coming up for me and Mike You Listen to learn you just get curious about what she's saying that she's not she's not coming at best like she's trying to take away anything from your not spring you that wholeheartedly she's trying to learn how to be a better supporter and she's tying you what's going on for her and then there's a deal to be made. Okay. What are you need babe? Would you need you go back and forth to try to find a new? Greater arrangement not a compromise where there's a loser. I'm not about this or somebody has to like suck it up. It's let's let's get creative enough to come up with a new way of doing things that really makes us both feel like. When You know. I, think you're very close. It's just. It's just those two moves fully honoring his time and then Mike you fully honoring hers and then. A little more discussion I think I were. I might have a hard time with us and where I can understand where he comes in the fakes of when he will say that I'm fixed supportive. When let's say his time he uses. is to go play video games or is to watch TV or something. And where I feel anxiety that comes up is what if I'm working that day and you know maybe the hour that I went to go do as run but you know maybe he didn't work the rest the day or something. So then I start to get. An I don't know what if someone's right feel it's maybe jealousy. But. Also, it's Like. I might be like. Well, why didn't he use our to work? You know because that's that's out A. so then that's where I can feel myself being fixed supportive where Even if it was video games, I need to support that I have. Sometimes I, have a hard time with that if I don't feel. His passion to go get it. But that's why I want him to find a passion. Go get you know. So that's where it so I wouldn't. selfishly, struggle as much to know that. You know he's. Putting in the effort to work as well I guess. Does that make sense like? I yeah. I WanNa ask you Janna. What would it give you if he was passionate about something if he felt like he was on a mission It would inspire me to. Work Harder to. I thrive off of. You know if he was like if it was something together, let's just say we have a few things that I'd love for us to do together and he's like, all right. Let's do it. I'm like, okay I'm GonNa make sure we have a sitter in so then I'll get excited about it if it's something that he wants to do by himself. That's great like I want him to be able to you know find something that he loves to do You know workwise that he is excited and passionate about that. He can grow and built because it makes me want to continue to grow and build my stuff and I feel like it's nice to have the other partner. How do I say where it inspires me to? To get excited about something as well. Okay. Okay. Have you ever considered that maybe that person who would inspire you and get you fired up as a partner, a somebody in your business world that would do stuff with you. That's not Mike Yeah I mean that's you know I've I've had those conversations. I've been talking to a few girlfriends about doing kind of a mom roundtable show And the only reason is because you know I I want to if our stuff you know I of course we're we're praying. We get a book to is that something that we can do together and you know obviously podcast and there's a few other things I would love to do together. But again, if it's not inspiring him, then however he wants to spend his time workwise like I want to encourage him to do it. Yeah. Couple of things, there's a lot said there. I is you know with stuff together like I said Januzzi. IDEA. Genius she'll come up with something I K- on the stoop. We should try work on this guy. and. then. That's it. And then I feel like she'll come back around to me and be like well, why didn't you bring it up again? Why don't you schedule I? This wasn't my idea I was like you got I'm simple yet to tell me hey, on Tuesday, from ten o'clock to two o'clock we're going to work on this and then once I realized what we're doing it and we're getting going then I can do that too and I feel like a part of it but in the early stage of something when it wasn't my idea I feel like I'm a passenger until I, grasp the concept and understand better. because. She's just more knowledgeable about some of the things that she wants to do because it's it's it's it's in a her wheelhouse. I'm good once I get going and then also. She works different she could have. Ninety seconds. She can't sit down. She will find something to do. She will fold to shirts she'll do something. and. She sees me and Avalon we joked because on the weekends is when I'm most productive. And I grew up with weekends like yard work. Let's go. Let's go. Let's get after it. So weekends are more productive than I am during the week and that's the only time she's actually just wants to sit and chill. and. Then during the week I have an easier time just kind of hanging out that she she can't sit for ninety seconds. At all and so it probably like she to her point where may come across is fixing supportive is because she's working their ass off and she sees me who doesn't have as much day to day work responsibility. Hanging out or golf or whatever, and she probably probably jealous. Even though even even if I did work the same amount something, she would stop. She would continue to work harder. Yeah role clarification though that I feel like is so important in this because if you bring an idea Janet's Mike and you're like, let's do this year kind of de facto leader on it. You're the one who had the idea and you ultimately then get stuck in a supportive role. How can I help you bring this to life babe unless you guys sort it out and get really clear about who's in charge of what in order to produce this result together. I, you know, I think my my problem is as I sit back and I wait to see if there's passion behind there because I have said a few things that I would need his help on and I haven't seen you look into it or study different websites about it. So I kind of go back. It's kind of the same thing where our therapist said. You guys get a book you can read together. and. You know 'cause I've really been wanting to read a book together and so I- default almost wait to. Till he brings it up because in my mind I'm like well, if he doesn't bring it up, that means he doesn't want to do it and he doesn't you know he's not passionate about it. Do I have to be as equally. Gung I'm still willing to do it but does it have like why do I have to match your? I mean it's I don't want to do it if you're not excited like I. need the energy I feed off of People's energy I feed off of you know Oh yes. Let's do it like okay. This Day were doing this and hey, got I. looked up a few websites that are similar to what we WANNA do or something you know and it's like I need a that's just me I'm how do I? How do I? Go alongside something when maybe the energy isn't there because I make up that I'm like he doesn't WanNa. Do it this okay. Real record before Cherie goes on that is. I mean is that fair to expect the same energy something? You're passionate I'm passionate about I wouldn't expect the same passion from you but sometimes, we just do things for each other because we know it's important to one another like. We can't always expect our partner to be just isn't suzy are willing to do something and if they're not not do it at all, because we do make sacrifices we do things because the it's important to the other person. My take on this Janna. Is Year coming out fire and you want fire to play with. It's the inspiration, the passion. That's what I that element of excitement is what you feed off of and I think if Mike. Doesn't have the same fire. We could look at another way that he might come in to support you that we haven't discussed yet. So imagine this. When we're in that creative mode. Where like dancing in the fire? That's that's how we are and I think that's ultimately what's happening with women right now is we are in our power out there creating doing so much great stuff in the world and all the men that I'm working with are Kinda like what do I do with all of this? So e Leser not alone in having this conversation I need to say the hat they're like, what do I do with her she's on. And and you know we want them to be with us because we crave connection and we love them, and so we wanna do it together. But there's another way that I'm seeing men show up. Ultimately that would have us get more fired up and more powerful, not meaning us in the same energy, but actually being like the ground of are being. Providing this grounded presence like Earth you know fire and earth like he just lay there and watch she'll you and be there for you and cheer you on and give you the safety that you need to go out there and do all the things. That's another way of being in partnership that I could see like you can tell Mike Scott this really grounded energy like a stillness. That ultimately is the masculine. It's this stillness this consciousness the so wariness you know that we wanna be witnessed by we want them to watch CNN skill like Oh. My God like look at you and all your creative you know, and that could be one way that I think we could just take the pressure off being fire for awhile and say what would give you if he showed up in that way. But I'm guessing you're not experiencing that from him because when he's in the stillness, he's focused on his sandwich I focused on his game. And even unease not showing up to be a sounding board or to be a witness to everything that you're doing or to like an your fire and bake you more fired up. I think that's what you're asking like fire may have even more getting your with me. You know. Look at me. We want to be seen and heard and like adored for what we're doing you know and I've I've experienced this and workshop, and so I'll do these crazy intimacy workshops like sacred intimacy where you know we'll do this experiment of having a man Mike Lindell lay down and be like. So focused on us as women that we would just like. A Blow up and all the energy you know like we could talk about this on a whole `nother show. That showed me the potential for us in partnership now for us to be unleashed by full presence in a man, and it doesn't mean like he needs to sit there and watch you your work all day. It's doses of full presence and appreciation for you that. Then you could take to maybe other fired up people Sharon do require I think it's interesting when we say like we just want to be seen I. Hope I've and maybe it's just twenty twenty but I feel like I mean office there's so many relationships that are falling right now in. Divorces but. It's almost like we're passing each other. You know where it's like it's it's kind of this I mean I know I crave to be seen even you know when I put makeup on and look for the first time in three months or something and you know walk right past me and have looked at me. But like not said anything and it's just like that you're gutted because you're just like I, have eyeliner on. This. That's the thing to me. You look just as beautiful without makeup, and so it's just interesting like the fire and the ground and what we like, what we need and what you know what you need versus what I need, and you know it's just it's an interesting. It's an interesting conversation just because we do have very different needs I think women just want to be seen and heard and appreciated and men just want to be respected and. I know respect that love and respect book you read was was huge. It's just feeding those fire and ground I don't know. It's it's interesting all the elements. Yeah. This is like the either Vega the Yoga great scientists have consciousness laid this all out for US million years ago and I think there's a lot to be gained from from seeing it as just that that you two are forever changing. Throughout the day to which is hard for a man who swans? Jalek. Re still you know being control 'cause 'cause there's fluidity and we dance ultimately. There are times when I've had this conversation with like my soul brother who I do this work with Dan Doty of every man and I would say women want to be seen in hurting and appreciate. US to, and it was always us to because we don't get. We don't get stuck and if we do, that's when relationship troubles happen playing the same role all the time you know there's going to be something I know Mike that crack for you that you're going to be super fired up about you're going to need her appreciation and you're GonNa want her to see who and all of that you know and what you're creating. But yeah, it's it's a dance man and I have had so many people say to me like oh just figured her out. We just got this new being and now it's different again, it doesn't work. But I just. Tell me what to always works and it's it's not relationship. SMART wherever. Changing. Well. Thank you for coming on and. We have to pay for that. So just invoice iheartradio. Yours. Say this one last thing the more you WanNa give the more you need, and in the last little bit here. The you talking about the needs is really what it all comes down to is constantly just being kind enough to ask each other moment by moment. Would you need right now? What do you need for this block of time? Would you need if stinks feel like they're changing and psych and for him to say like I, love you without makeup I, love you with makeup. But the what he you need I, need you during a matter what I needed to stop every time I enter the room. Wow. You know. that. Our listeners find you and. Hire you. Oh. Man Insta- at the luminaries and Sri Healy Dot com on the website, which will actually soon be relaunching as just the luminaries dot com. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on. We. So appreciate it and we'll talk to you again soon once we get that fire. Keep. Cherie. Is Have A. 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I stuffed that the. Best benefit of just therapy and generate you come. You just start having conversations and you just come to the realization of something without even knowing. Am like like that's why. I that's why I'm scared to schedule things. You know be and as a thing, it's like no one's fault. It's not your fault on my phone assist. The anxiety. I have around it because of how I'm programmed. Because I want you know. Things are going to change. Hey I know you're doing this but can you give me five minutes? You know what I mean like? A lot of it's how we phrase or how we ask each other. But. Think about this stuff. Well I think what I took away from Cherie is that tone deaf or not? You can. You can sing and you can anything is possible and I think that's you know you just gotTa. You gotta put in the work you gotta put in the Energy and you've got to put in the focus in the drive to get that fire. So out end there's mark in a closet. You doing it clauses. As, it's the only place you can go and get some peace and quiet and. It's also a good room for recording because it's a dead room. There's no Ecuadoran. I was GONNA say I've heard a lot of people like radio hosts and stuff like that. Happen in my closet still and I've heard a lot of people in the causes not to surprise. That's funny. Would you get out his marked? You get anything to feel anything I thought it was fascinating actually an and also I think that there's a fundamental issue there between men and women because I've felt this in my marriage to where the woman is very invested in the man's motivation and drive and passion. and. The man could care less about her motivation and drive and passion, and if my wife wanted to spend four hours every afternoon on the couch watching real housewives. I wouldn't care in the slightest Brian if she wants to do that have a good time never. But if I started doing that, it would be a major issue because then just a lazy Slob so. I really related to what you guys were talking about i. think that's something a lot of married couples deal with. I guess I just don't know why like is it because we feel like we do a lot of. Work to with the kids and the household view. So I just I don't know where Y Y we've taken on that role of wise it. Why is it not okay I don't know. It's it's interesting just like if she was to sit if I was to sit and watch a movie like awesome enjoy your movie but. I would be like so annoyed right now there's so much do you know. I it's so interesting I'm glad not only want I'm glad to hear that. Your wife is the same way. Absolutely. Instance were all stuck together. It becomes more of like if I'm at work. As she doesn't see what I'm doing all day. But when I'm home she sees everything I do and so if I'm not always focused on this woman, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Aren't you exercising? Why don't you know there's a They the try to live there, live our lives for each other and I think that can be a bad way to go kind of you know yeah I I wanna be able to do stuff and Jan doesn't I don't want to be eaten nags or is a constant Naggar by any means but I think our whole point here is it's It happens with everybody every relationship deals with some sort of this and but there is some days I just WanNa be like WanNa do whatever I WANNA do. On my two on the time I, WanNa, do it and not be okay in that includes being productive that includes not being predict that includes everything but it's like I feel like. Whenever at the time I do something whether it's productive or not. They're still. Something to be said, it's like Oh right now you're gonna do that or the. There's no, there's no retirement I don't. You know what I mean like there's always something has to be said. And I've been a lot arguments and I think it comes down to the wife always has a list of one hundred things to do and they're all prioritized as immediate and later, and when I get a second and so when that's your mindset, there's no concept of sitting and watching a movie or just laying on the couch and plan video renting like that, and we're like tomorrow three months from now next year. That's our time. Because my wife never stopped moving she's always got something better and in the back remind five other things she needs to do in addition to that. I think we need to realize it's a biological thing and we're US men are not to be blamed. Okay good. Yes. Let's all agree on that science. I'm saying that science. Has Nothing to do with me. It's all science. Good luck. Man Well I thanks for making me feel less crazy Miss mean the wives should get together and just you know Powell about it instead of complaining till. You know. Good Times. That's a lot to unpack. It is for sure but I think that was a great show. Is An awesome show. I'm curious. About the line of fire. Make a sandwich and watch TV. On that now I. got about a laundry list of things to do in laundry. I did start the laundry. Yes but you never finish. Because by the time I by the time, I go to the lawn. and. Like a timer fifty, five minutes. And then she'll go. It's like I'm just like, okay I throw this in the wash I'll come back in a little bit afford the laundry whatever next thing I know I own a laundry room it's all done I'm like I, started it i. You when You. Not. Do it right when it's done. Foreclosed closer piping hot. Too and that's why started setting a timer because I think it in there I otherwise, I'm the bad guy. started. Laundry. For I. Love My wife Wow. What a? What a realizations? But thank you honey for starting at I. So appreciate I'm starting my. Pushover pockets of Britain laundry. For you get. Tackle you. Oh. My God. Love you guys. Productively, at that. 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