The Extra Yard - Keith Santagato
Walk into extra okay. Welcome two extra yard. I'm Keith Santa Gado and I guess. I'm a Gamer Gamer. Need One more those are you looking at me. You should be looking at the camera. He told me not to told him to go. I fuck you guys. Welcome back to the extra yard. Welcome back to the extra yard. I'm Keith Santa Goto and I'm a Gamer. Ooh those kind of hard cools Thir- take though I like it. I liked it too. Thanks for me. I farted also during that intro. By the way I really bad you know when they come out like marbles the marbles. I don't know how to Hog. Tie People the counter. Yeah you remember you far. Did it sound like Morse code when you are far literally sound like this. So it's all it wasn't he was like it was on like Like the couch like it was like cloth. Morris Co Keith. How you doing buddy isn't Morse code? No yeah no Darth Maul. What are you saying Morris? More Zack Morris Nano who who is it panned. There's a D. on the end. So how Keith how are you. How's it going? How's your day? It's all right. I mean I don't know what else also say. Yeah that's great. That's great. Tell us about your beard. I mean because it looks like their stuff going on over there it is it. Go ahead sorry basically what this is just I wake up I go to work come home and then as you can see. I didn't even mentioned anything so nothing happens here. Growing you shampoo that thing oils or some mm-hmm. Yeah when I take a shower. Yeah you shampoo your face off. Did you shower once every two days. What really really why? 'CAUSE I'm media all right okay all right so do you stink because it sir I mean again I'm blaming it on fucking work and also associate but I wake up late anyway. We all get to work. When I'm supposed to but I wake up late so that I have? I have literally a twenty minute window. The fuck out of a house so I wake up put clothes on wash my face. Brush my teeth and helmet should get out and then when I come home I go right. Downstairs and extreme most days and go to bed and then do the whole fucking thing over again okay. I wake up like an extra ten minutes. It's earlier took a constant stream of of working essentially literally for like the past two years. Because I mean yeah I mean you have a twitch channel. I love that guy. I don't know that we have a twitch. Channel what is it. The URL is what twitch dot TV slash case. Santa got to. How often the new shrimp because I don? I honestly don't know I don't even know either. I literally have very sporadic right now. We try to do one day on the weekend is it. How long is this stream? I assumed yesterday for nine hours after I after I work the whole day as well. We'll talk to you go. Mimi sleepy's Two in the morning two in the morning. I can't do math. I got home six six. That's eight hours. Sold all the five. No that's not right. I'm stupid. That was eight hours. Who who's better at playing video games grownup Outta used to my arts games and stuff? It's him may a more shooter. I'll fuck them up a halo very good hail dust you and need for speed underground around though. Yeah because he had this bullshit car that I fuck in tuned up for him. Yeah but also. I don't know that's not what happened. Yeah need for speed underground was like nobody really played that game. That's not effect like people played it but we're talking about like halo way more. People Played Halo H-a-l-o than I was at the only reason was because aw fuck it played at eight hours a day call of duty player. That was that was when I broke my laundry. Yeah Yeah you have forgot you. Don't you do that keeps snapped act. Isn't that dude. Yeah forget legit. Snapped it playing football right. Yeah I want to tackle a kid and a massive kid. So these kids gordon a ringer. He was like six four fucking kid. I'm talking about I wasn't him. You talk about the stiff arm right. No all right because everyone fucking thinks that said. It's not fucking kidding. Ah Me I'm on your side. I want you to be all right. No key. Docile dude was up. I look I want to tackle a kid. I went to tackle Michael Kid as we're about to go to the floor or some other kid on their team comes and hits me so when I head is through you know you picture tackling somebody like this you really. I'll say I had. Is that the new apple product. I wish I was supposed to say I just like a fucking automatic BOJ machine. Just sucks you all right. So I'm sorry. Yeah tells about your your near Powell's Asian shall we say So you want to tackle. I got it. I want to tackle person. My head was like through his select by head is protruding out. Yeah some fat kid you look at me look right at me. Some big fat some big fat messy see kid not my head hit his stomach directly and when it did that instead of like whatever it snapped backward. Were harder than you think. Yeah so and I literally heard literally the snap with my neck and to describe the pain I felt with it. Picture like lighting Like getting a knife to where it's like red Red Hot And jabeen enter fucking neck. It was like some some heat involved like walk after I get right up but he got up and was on the sidelines. And I remember being like Y'all my head hurt so I was like all right cool. He took some plays off. Akitas are like best defensive player so so we needed him. That's fact those one hundred percent in here. That wasn't that wasn't an exaggeration Keith. Who's our best player on defense without a doubt like ask anywhere I was nuts? What's so I was like? Yo I was like Yo. You probably just got whiplash like you're fine. You know because I wanted him to kip economic I even and set it on like unlike in my head. I'm like there's no shot I'm going back in. They never think somebody breaks their neck figure if someone breaks their neck they're not getting. Mike Myers look. This was the crazy part about beside me breaking my neck and all that the crazy part about the whole thing was obviously like it happen. Happen you get hit in the head like your eyes closed for like a second right so my eyes closed. I hit the grass. I was like I was like face down on the grass and then I I came back up and when I came back up I couldn't see anything. Everything I saw was a different shade of green everything. It was probably like shock or something I know that was the weird part and it was like that for like a good like ten seconds faulk and I had to like legit like go like this and and like my eyes were working again. I felt the same way when Torme corm. ACL like it was like so much pain that was like Oh my God like everything kind of like went fuzzy or something. Yeah it was weird but then he went to the doctor and he was like I think think I broke my neck. And they're like now you're good and then he wore a soft collar right hole on now. Would that the woman I mean granted. There's always always the Whitney right right. This woman this fucking woman dame your opinion which is no. It wasn't a man. Excuse me your opinion which was discussing so the the woman. Doctor Go ahead I 'cause I came in with a soft collar on and they took all the they took a MRI. And I got to cat scans because they fought the first one and then she comes over and after like literally been waiting there for like eight hours she comes over me and literally grabs the back of my neck. Were the thing was and rips the thing off of me. Oh this off color. Yes she rips the soft off-color off of me and she goes. You don't need this and throws it out and hands mom persona said my mom hands-off mom prescription for Valium so technically aren't paper. I thought I was fine right because mobsters whiplash as well. I didn't even know this by the way. Where's where's the volume now? It's a is it for sale. Got Rid of that. Probably would expire spires. This is some time ago. All right go on shit even expire. Think it does. They save medicine expires. But I think that's just the trick. You like ringing reopen for it like there's a big like like market where you sell expire medications people at a cheaper rate. That's a information here. Knock at our door so your mom was just like you didn't look at my son's neck or she was just like showing you trust doc. Yeah you trust at her. She was like she was like the head person on the floor. Now no by not buying that Seoul long story short. I went back to school at person on the floor. I don't even know what a caller Dr Woman. She's like the manager okay. She's the GM of the doctors. Yeah Joe Torre of doctors. I don't know so so but then you had to go back pain. No no no. How fucking two days later? 'cause I'm in school now like all shit. I'm like walking around and right now they call. They called a course they call dad two two days later and they go yeah we are we look back at the MRI and you might WanNa. You Might WanNa go to a neurosurgeon urgen. My Dad's like Like yeah we kinda see someone We just go to neurosurgeon just to make sure that there's nothing there so we go neurosurgeon. He we give them the MRI he takes one of the things puts it up on the fucking whatever the hell that thing is and I like literally from here till like your TV. which is far away? I saw the break and it was. It was like usually like the brakes are like and what are they called. They're Hairline fracture. Yeah but the what they show up they show up like a gray was black. It was just a black line right through my c five. Let's see six four faulk C Five C six. It's right here. How you broke the top of your neck? God Damn Him Dude. It's cool stoke. Would you have to do after that. You are racist. Police say it was a hard caller surgeon urgency neurosurgeon guy said. He's like luckily he had a he has a lot. I have a longer neck than like a normal person longer. Dick you too. I know he's license. I thought you were going somewhere else. You're nauseous have you ever his license because he has a license picture for the ages. He's got a a neck on a man. Now's when Keith used the buzz-cut look at this thing that we're that we're GonNa the Nick Dan. It looks like a little bit of fuzz on it look at that Jeff F. S.. That nick is fucking wall. This is bigger than I thought. But you know why I I fucked that up though because I went to the DMV you know you just WanNa get the fuck out of their income peyton. Manning's ghetto brother. Yeah you do. Yeah that's that's exactly Brother did time lost manning. They're going to do a thirty for thirty on you. He didn't win the Super Bowl what he did kill someone in jail. I thought the other one got sick. They don't want to other mannings. Cooper Alvin Joey remember. You said you look like Peyton. Manning's brother necessarily delay manning but sick so you required Didn't require any surgery. No because the neurosurgeon said I have a longer earn a normal person and He said literally true words. Here he goes if you had like. If you didn't have the like an connected you have right. Now he's like what the break in and like the COMP Those are the impact that happened on. You probably would have been paralyzed from from like the waste out. Thank God for having a long neck. Yeah so long next carbon screwed. My neck is super showed. You see this thing not neck. Yeah terrifying is your neck fifteen fifty and a half dude. I'm sixteen and a half. I got a thick neck and eighteen. No harm I'm a little. I'm a little thicker than his than his like. But it's just because appears is big You've got a big fucking too so I could take some shots. Yes Dude snapface going anywhere you know fucking long it would take me to snap. Danny's neck. I just have a really big upper shelf. y'All how do you snap a neck like you the movies where they go like this and what are they doing. Yeah what are they doing. And you hear a Steven Seagal did but like think about this right. So I'm GonNa do the mice forcing you're forcing it back to the neck. The neck joint can only go to here to here if you'll pass that you're technically breaking your technically breaking like the neck and the spinal cord so you could technically even if you didn't kill I'm like I think you could probably paralyze him wait. Why do you die when you break when because you can't connect you to your brain? Yeah and then you cuts off breathing and seal later Bro. It's all she wrote. Damn that's crazy the spy the spiral is dumb. Dumb a man by the way I'm talking on my ass with we're all guessing here but even and when that happens. How long did it take for you to be like a normal like purse? Only you're not normal but you know what I mean like. We're all Weirdos. How long hardcore hardcore two months Fi? What isn't it hard collar for two? I thought it was way longer than that. You'd have to sleep in it. No good but but I was an idiot because after I got really tired of like not playing sports so I was like all right. If I can't play a contact sport fuck it. I'll just play basketball. So I was playing like full-colored Basketball Games with a hard colorado. I remember Keith now. The opposite he won't go outside if it's windy because he wears visit old hurt his knee. I'll take this kid with the broken neck. Dude literally play with us. Do you WanNa hear a funny story. Keith was playing handball when he had the heart. Caller has a whole a whole year. So he at the ball and missed and the ball went right into the whole and we couldn't find it. I was like where's the bowl where to go. Burn away crackhead. Same Day I got burned by a crackhead playing. Handball came up and burned. You know the cigarette in their hand. Yeah because we beat them crack we beat them. I don't know why this is beat them for maybe beckoned muscle. Let's just slapped a bunch of crack on it was great and She Byrd B.. Can you believe it. Can you believe this but yeah she. We were beating the house was me and Hezbollah playing so we beat them. We're beating them. She comes he comes pass me and she like literally as purposely comes over and burns me on my on my Dan. Oh so it was like it was a purpose burn. Why did she do that? Oh my gosh she's a fucking crackhead. That's her burn a burn. Yeah I actually I still have whereas you you still got the purple hair. Wow you reminder that crack and you'll never have the renter you will never forget that correct slut. Do you not see it. Yeah I could see it my tail Mielke wide. No no it's a woman though but if a crack woman burnt I'd beat the ever loving just baiter until like a monster but I played one time with a crackhead and the guy had cigarette in his mouth and he was hitting the ball whenever and then he would take it out of his mouth. A few is going lefty and the tennis so multitasking. Incredible it was like a really like moves to be honest with. You didn't have a whole lot of snow. But he would take it out of his mouth and he like burn me one time and I was like come on. Can you put the cigarette out. And he's just like come on man come on we're GONNA play. Go play go play but I got burnt by crooked as well so we have. What was that exchange? So you've never been but I didn't. I didn't say anything it's fucking state even punch the person in the face. I grew up in the suburbs. Birla have have a wait did you did you just had. Her neck was at one spot or was it one of those like swipe stole it was like a you know it was like a damn. How'd you how'd you have enough time to burn earn you up on you because you know how it's not there anymore you rotate people go to the so during that exchange fucking basically shaped me with her Her cigarette yeah earns you during the rotations fucked up. Was it a newport. Well what are we talking about. What kind of cigarette I don't know could have been like one of those cheap ass like the American spirits knows things they stay? They stay lit forever. Those American spirits. You could smoke one cigarette for like forty five. It's like a candle that you'd never smoke cigarette right now. Shannon ever right so oh wow. That's crazy Thomas. Say Thank God. He's in a frat right. Yeah definitely banked heater was he. I don't know but he ecology in Springfield L. Springfield. That's a party. School is anyone to Albany before that. So that's a big part of school year when we were younger. Keith used to like we went and visited Thomas at College College and Keith like stayed off think it was like four of six fifteen sixteen any like just stayed with Thomas also it was because it was like their last day last day there and we're parents know my dad my my dad. Dad Dad let me get hammered kind of it's pretty. I mean I can hold my own drinking. So it's cool brother. Yeah you can't broiler broiler. There was a time. I remember Keith. Wood wooden would he was the one who was drinking. And I didn't want to because I thought if I drank and and got drunk I would throw up up jerk in the Mike now. I'm trying to. I've only twice in you know both of them yet. Dude that story of Keith being in the bowling alley you'd ever tell that story. Do we are at the bowling alley or like and this is Mark Sanchez on the jets. They're like yo for every jets turnover. We'll take a shot fucking night. He had like four turnovers in the first half. So we like or like in the first quarter. But we're at this bowling alley and like they give you a free drink after you buy one like it's ridiculous take your so anybody. In there is cycle US drinking a fish balls officials and a bowling alley. Yeah and and Disgusting actually know that night. I wasn't drinking the officials the night of the beer pong tournament I showed up. Didn't play one game. Ordered a fishbowl. Pay For the first one and the bartender tender just kept filling them up and not saying anything like all right and I couldn't walk. Oh Yeah and then yeah that's when you a bit into a wing to a wing and the whole thing was just like like he bit into it and his mouth started bleeding because she tried to cook the wings and cook them all the way or they were frozen smell bill no but this one that he was eating for some reason had like a blood packet in it. It seemed he vein he bit into it and then blood came mattis mouth. And I'm like what the fuck is going. I don't remember that that's fucking disgusting but anyway so we were there that night it's awesome. Oh by the way when we were there no no one else there. Obviously I've had so many pizza parties in there. Yeah But we were there and Keith was drinking like a lot out of beer and it's mind you. It's Monday night. Football like it's Monday do I didn't so that was that stretch where I didn't work for three years three years. Yeah all right. It wasn't a good time. Talk at Condo but So he we were. Keith gets mad drunk. And and he's just sitting there like this and he's just spitting and I'm like spending. Joe What are you. What are you doing? And he's like spitting into a cup. I'm like are you gonNA throw up. And he's like man I was like you're spitting. He goes. Yeah spit I like to spit and I was like okay. So you're sitting there spitting again. I'm like dude. Stop up spitting and I was like in my head. I'm like I know where this is going. Yeah no when people start spitting. It's like vomit so we get back to my the house and we didn't even get we didn't know we got like fifteen steps for my house. And there was a tree and keeps his puts his hand on one of the branches and and throws up eight gallons vomit. Aw just y'all know but it was like losing screaming. Nothing the thing like it was so the only thing you heard was like the splash against the floor dumping but yeah but it was. It was three big things I think it was white to color. Uh thanks for adding that in. Yeah and and then right after that I felt so much better food. Yeah I thought I wasn't even drunk Ronca after that and I was like. What are we doing like I said right? After another time we came home drunk and Keith was upstairs and he was throwing up into the missing all. That was terrible. Not at all but you know why I was throwing up because we were drinking. Tall Boys Whatever the hell we were drinking but I had a lot of them as well and somebody went into the fridge and found sky vodka? Yeah so we just started taking shots sky vodka. That's what sent me over. That will do it. He was throwing up into the sink in our house. There's only one sink for six people and my mom in the bathroom. Yeah obviously I just said Komo. I didn't hear that so so so my mom comes in and she goes Keith. What are you doing? He starts apologizing to her as if she's this. Josh is Ma. I thought she was Josh. So I'm like I'm sorry I'm sorry Elaine you'll so I literally missile. Sorry so now. I'm like this might throwing up and the only thing I remember 'cause as soon as we got into the house I took my shoes off as soon as my foot hit the step. Nothing does it. Does it wake the part of me waking up was I'm throwing coming up in the sink and again I'm going to say the color it was read. Those are the ones that burned to the back of your throat. A little bit stink the first now. It's red so I know the colors because I was like this in the sink and then I wake up and now it's right right in my face I come up and when I came up is when I saw my mom thought. It was Josh's mom because I didn't know that was left Josh's House we were at Josh Ashes. How in the basement? Oh I don't remember. I love how I remember this whole night. Besides I just remember the funny parts. There's been like eleven stories. I don't remember anything we're talking about you being drunk and I'm like I don't even know what you're talking but that was so fun I real- I literally just picture looking. CanNot somebody and in everything around. The person is just so distorted. What did you look at? What does your mom say my mom my mom? She's like she's like I was literally laughing at you the whole time. Yeah my mom's pretty cool only really pissing you 'cause you threw up in the sink and throwing up in the toilet of normal time I throw been the so this is this is discussing poured though I just throw it in there for some Flavor O. Obviously she didn't WanNA clean it so I'm drunk a more of like apologizing the civil else's mom so she goes scoop it with your hand and put it in the toilet. Oh so I did that until it was over and then I went on my merry way back to my bed and I probably pissed all I wanna say this no way way. He washes his hands after that. Mom probably told me the line jerk. Josh Josh his Woah. You're that Josh Josh is Bob's keeps following me years doing that so gay. Hey there's a being gala J. Josh's mom some looking at me in the bathroom do two thousand nine probably get away with that. Yeah I know but you know. There was one time that we went to a party. I got really drunk. I I left by myself and shut up and then I was seeing. You can't interrupt stories so there was a the time and I was sitting on the toilet and I throw up into the tub and then I went to bed and then my mom wakes up in the morning. She comes into our room and she goes does she goes to me she was. You threw up in the TUB like why did you do that and I was like yeah. I'm really sorry I was like I tried to clean it but I I was like really drunk. I was like I was sitting on the toilet at the time because I thought I had to go to the bathroom. And then I ended up throwing up in the TUB. So that's why that happened and she goes. Why why did you throw your underwear in the toilet and I was like what and then look under my sheets and I'm like I'm wearing my underwear and she also who's underwears so we both looking Keith and quiches like hoops fucking small? But I do that all the time. Still ditch them in the toilet on. I mean I did it twice twice but I don't know like the whole thing is like that's weird. If I really like I drink a lot and like is under just make sense. It's now a lot of times like I get drunk and obviously I go home and go to bed but I'll wake up nothing not naked. Yeah really needs to get naked to get those drug sweats kind of. Yeah when you start to spend you I just need to less volumes thanksgiving. I mean I was somewhat closer that one but for Thanksgiving I drink so so much right. Obviously whatever the fuck now I fall asleep on the couch and my mom wakes me up. Don't remember this at all. She bed sick so instead of going to my actual bed upstairs. I went downstairs into the basement now on I go to the couch. I take my socks off. I put them on the couch and then I just fall asleep on the floor and I. I woke up like Patrick. The fuck and starfish. Do I woke up. I thought I was in like another person's house I woke up because everything's the worst you'll but I wake up. You don't know where you are. I I felt the rug and I'm like this isn't my rug on my room. Where the fuck am I and I walk? I'm like Jesus Christ and I because I'm a psycho again. I know the exact time. It's four forty one. I woke up. It was full. Forty one in the morning I love it was like I'm psycho. I know the time because I remember like small. Give your ditching your underwear into the toilet bowl. Like knowing the time is not psychotic so what how is it short one but if you throw your underwear into the toilet it right there is one of the things like just happens to end up in the toilet. No this is purposeful ditch. I doubt it because now go to can't accidentally do that twice. Sounds like a fetish this point. It sounds like you're trying. Oh yes I just couldn't in the toilet no it sounds like trying to flush evidence. Ajit ship my pants again. Not this time not GonNa catch me I I got some shit my pants in Nashville. Excuse ship my pants. The other day here Dude Financing Nashville and I throw them out key he shit wait wait. Are you saying you think because it sounds like you know I did shit so I just throw them away. What have been clear? I didn't even look no. He said I think I shit my pants Nashville and he goes. Yeah through the Mount. You secretly threw them out the map behind that one bar we were at I left early. I think that having a dream I shit my pants right right in here the other day and he goes yeah I I myself. I don't like what and he goes your shit myself and I was like wow and he goes you wanna see and then before I could answer. He was up in the air turned around. Pulled his pants down. I'm looking being at Shit in his pants. Real thing that just happened while I was painting to bent down nothing worse than a paint yet now I was getting over being sick like six shit. I was a few days before I was sick so I was painting I was like I'm okay so like I'm painting with the roller and I and I went up and I went all the way down and as I went down just like a perfect like gravitational pull my asshole. I guess opened and just like a little came out and just sat there and I felt it. Because you know there's many times shit. You're not fully sure for me to pass your cheeks. I knew this one. Pass my cheeks. This yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it was gross. It was one of the worst things. Yeah what are you guys doing for Christmas. It's Christmas at your mom's house do no no. It's my Anson Jersey zillow's early CR-. I hate early Christmas. Shit I mean we get there like probably like two ooh. That's that's fine. Do Your Christmas thing. Yeah I shudder and then you had out over there. Every holidays is the same at my mom's house. We go there either either like for Easter. Something we'll go there. We'll have breakfast and then we eat candy in the morning and then we go to. We're going to go. I mean I do that every morning. But no but kind of candies. Oh Dude eastern Moslem makes us baskets. Yeah Bitch keeps you fucking fucking bunnies. Easter bunnies are fucking trash. You literally like that. That chocolates whack. It was never good ever. I love love those those Linda for whatever they are filled fucking balls you just suck on them to fucking melt in your mouth and then you break down that like the the crossed yeah and then just blows of fucking chocolate loan your mouth. I love it I love how you say balls balls the balls. Yeah but she does that. She gets those starburst jelly beans which I can literally eat forever. What happens dislocated my? Ah Jaw here weird cat I know. What can I ask you a question? Yep will like what's the the first thing you have to do like when you go to work like do you have to like clock into you know so you just you just walk in. I walk in. It doesn't matter if shower nobody sees you is over. I'm just trying to get what I'm wearing right. Now is acceptable tire for me to work. Okay okay I I literally so you don't really don't show I've given up on wearing jeans. Why just given up on it? Don't care I want to give you. I want to give you style makeover. Where would you let me do that? Probably not expensive notes not expensive. It's not you also have spent money since one thousand nine hundred eighty eight Pez because I have to pay taxes Keith. Everyone I understand that but I have to budget everything now. where he's coming from but I don't he doesn't you don't have that fucking problem me? Yeah what are you talking about. You'd pay fat taxes last year two years ago I got fucking. Yeah but I I but plugged but you're still fine. Yes so whatsoever you know not he. I pay more percentage tax than you do when you talk about should should. I actually forgot to pay rents this month to fuck dammit. Don't you take that money. Buy a pair of jeans that fit your dump bitch thousand dollar jeans orbiting thousand dollars gene the most expensive pair of jeans. I have a five hundred dollars and they'll and I and I got those. I would never most jeans jeans. I wear now are like seventy bucks. That's still alive. No it's not. Have you been to a gene store. There's a jeans store. A lot of key genes are seventy dollars. That's that's just what they are fifty nine ninety nine. Actually if you go mad fucking jeans later shift for like thirty bucks. Nickel has good genes their favorite jeans unique blow have Monterey now unique low they have good genes and they're cheap. They're probably like thirty forty bucks a they have a little bit of elastic in there but he paid seventy no no now. The other Pairs Danny likes to be slashing Danny boy would you let me just give you a little like go with you all just go with a tune-up and you get what you want I did. I haven't shopped ever in my life. We were taking a change. Take we'RE GONNA WE'RE GONNA take on a shopping spree like Ross took fifty cents overgrown wife paying for it. You don't have to pay Daniel pay. I'll pay that's weird. Let me buy you one Alpha brother he fucking pays all right. Okay Kiss Card and we'll go together these pain. I'm paying way. Put It on the go studios card. We're not putting anything on the Santos here because you have money. Yes you do. Who have nothing Keith? You have money. I have nothing on dirt. Poor do look at me. I'm home. Excuse the type of dude that will leave the money like to himself when he does. I can't wait until his will mine. Mine Keith could have a million dollars in the bank going to bury it and just like a treasure map you'll never find it ha- Qisas type of person that has a million dollars and we can go yo like you should i. I like this this and this he goes. I can't because you can't just live off a million dollars like that will run out five years and that'll be his excuse for not buying a pair of jeans because I'm planning ahead for what put it. What age are you going to start buying outfits see but like I don't spend money on clothes and shit like that already have close? You'd I don't Mind Spending Med dull on fucking said does your about to say is fire. He gets so. Do you spend mad dough on. I'll what it is. That's why them and Doa Bacon egg and cheese novel. Like food is definitely a big thing I spend money on and Was it called Seltzer. Like I love when you guys. Give Me Seltzer when I watch your house. Yes I drink maybe seventy five by the way via we bought you a case of twenty four. I looked at. I looked in the fridge. Three left and it was like fuck. You've been here for what like two days now. I was there for like five days four or five days or other brother. When we went to Disney I was there for like? Oh Shit. That's Disney. Yeah no but the other time I just drank I had I drink at Disney. Not Let you off the hook here. I want to go with you just the just now because you need it but I have a really. I've really really good style. I'll know he needs it. Let's get yes what. Well what's wrong with this exactly Keith. What's wrong with this? It's bad I think I could really do. There's nothing wrong with your current outfit. It's just that you don't have outfits do other stuff in Because I don't do anything that's because you don't have the uniform to go out. You can't go to work and be a cop if you don't have a copy uniform unless you're an undercover bar uniform uniform. The fuck is that that was a metaphor for your ass and I think you want to know why though from my ass see. I'm Joe. I'm jealous of you because you because you have a good like you could wear a lot of close that I can't wear. It would be nice like dress. You up what. He's a bigger bigger guy. I have to wear different types of closed where lateral stripes. You know what I'm saying that I'm going to look at actual planet. Let's go one time. Let's just go shop. Let's hang out. We'll go get dinner. I'll come to fuck at four thousand dollar day any concept of what things cost no now clearly which is why I don't spend money on four thousand dollars. See I told him I said I want to give you a couple of pairs of shoes wear anymore. That have worn like three or four times but if you wear them I want you to keep them clean and nice because they're because they're going to be expensive shoes or just make outfits out of these. That's what I'm saying. Build up from the shoe so if I give you three pairs of shoes Build up the alphabet did did you not hear my routine of going to fucking work. Yeah that's why you lay down. I lay out my clothes the night before. Because I know I'm GONNA be late and I'm still wait and I'll tell you this right now. He doesn't do that now I do I do. It's just that sometimes I put the outfit on and then I'm like I don't really like this one so I'm a change age. I would never do that literally. Opened the draw. And I'm like are sick. Can I ask you a question do you not so you don't care at all about your parents ever. I feel bad than open this box. Why it's interesting it is interesting? I don't care yeah. It's not embarrassing. This is how it feels. I don't care. So here's the thing because sometimes I get I get up and like even if I'm going to the gym or something like I'll try to make it look like a normal outfit. Yeah the one thing that you do that drives me fucking bananas is that you'll wear nike shoes with like Adidas Shorts and I might were so close just put on the Nike shorts. Yeah he gets like that I. That wouldn't bother me at all. Different socks yeah. You can't play those games. Do they have a store in the mall called smash socks. Yeah what but they they have to match in a Mitch mismatch. Don't they sell socks. That are mismatched. So there's like one blue sock when red sox. Yeah and you buy that. That's dumb. You have called for socks though I do but I'm not crazy about it. I WANNA go back to plain socks gray black and white gotta grow up. You still used you still by like those those Nike socks all the right on your like the Nike elites too hard. y'All I will say this. I'm not just saying it because they're sponsor the answer of of the basement yard but the Bomba socks are fucking amazing like they're like tight are they. Yeah and they're like thick so I liked them like in a best case scenario those would-be my only sauce. Like how often do you buy new socks. Both you guys. I buy is literally ever since remember. There was a one year that we just breathing. Shit Chautauqua socks. I'd never have to buy socks. I don't remember every six or seven months dress socks and then just it's like. Yeah you know what I'm saying like a tube sock kind of not a tube so I just feel like if if you care a little more about like Like your like your look you would feel feel better. Yeah nothing that you don't feel good but what I'm saying is that I listen. I'm fatman right so but if I dress really nice he tell oh he's a fat man look at them. Come on tell them come on. Say you're a fat man Keith. If you're looking at Porta Rican in there yeah or Brown spit on me. Burn me like that crack. Burleigh do whatever you want but you know burn like Joe. How many times do when we go out? When we're out together people comment on my look? Yeah constantly I it is saying you gotta go over the top feel good play. Good play the game of life. You'd have a very good look. You know what I like. Yeah that that that the way I look ballers other people for what fuck you. You don't like that. No one likes that. I don't care you don't like to bother people. Keep your very non-combat Yummy. I alert literally a a pink dress to work. It's not bothering me. I get all right so we can go out and buy a nice pink dress then. That's what we're trying to say. We can dress up with a nice pair of pink shoes. And then we're going to get your a new wallet because while it is crazy. That looks like a quadruple fold. It's IT'S A it's a trifle. Christmas is coming up. I'm going to get your wallet. I haven't had a new. This is fourteen years old. How old are you working on rams onion here? I cannot wait to get to the Blue Mosque. Are you wearing underwear. I'M GONNA I WANNA skip rates in the crowd today. You would never see this wallet. I need any dive into this. No no there's a thousand cards in there and how many you have one credit card thought. Fuck up I have two cars. I've Yeah I've to Goldman knows about. Are Those business cards. Are you taking dinners winners. This is this is this is a fucking orthopedic Card Hard Reminder Reminder Mighty has my teeth are still shitty then he chokes on me Keith. This for your knee. What do you talk to you sir? John these are the oldest one's fourteen. It's in his wallet. You know what let's do. Let's do a wallet autopsy right now with this. Not No well okay. Now we're GONNA say it back. No I'm not. It's just because I have no attachment anything in here. Is this more or less. I just have it. It's the same ship with like my twitter and I don't believe my instagram and all that stuff I I'll follow someone have never fucking talked till I like I. There's like a few people I follow on on On twitter for some odd reason I never have went into thing and cleared out in like unfiled people Keith. I never know it's the same shit with this and there's going to keep it because it's still working working. Wait wait wait wait I just Wanna I just WanNa be clear here. This is the most contradictory thing in the world. You're telling me that you don't care and you have no attachment to those things so much so that that you won't get rid of them. That's literally not. I never said I wasn't going to get rid of it. I just said I didn't want to go through it. No let's give me that one card and let me just rip it up right now. No no no see now too early. Now gimme all those cars. which ones can't we go through it? The health card. Fuck no you need that you need to catch. That was a great catch. Is there anything on donuts card. That's it's a movie ticket. I like fucking aware I used to like movie stubs though we'll movie I don't know but Keith I really want to dive into the separate pocket right here. That has five thousand cars in it. Why can't we just clear this out and this is this one actually us? We're not GONNA you're like I know so many in here to all metro cards get kept. Yeah let's just say so all of all of this. We can just tossed fried garbage large realistically because you got a nice wall. Oh this is good content show do how many look this. Yeah but I like playing and everyone gave draw forward. I have a I have a very was. I have a really rare metro card in there. We will throw although very rare. Very rare is white dragging the holographic guy rightous. Data's Gate Guardian. Wow those my guy you e- you need these things and I love the Dewey Card because it it doesn't have an expiration date on this. They don't even have Metro Metro card. What the hell is this is a white card? Santa gotTa oh on it. That's how I get into work if I'm working on the weekends. Okay okay. This is the w hotel. Who are you saying that? Because that's where I used to work I. I used to work in. The WWL first. Started saving some momentum. He's got that's fine okay. This one rescue training definitely this. It's not saving anybody who's going to the gym and I was going to the gym and that's when we were going up That that's when we went to Chris. Carlson airline and a guy approached me who worked in the same building and said if you guys ever want to do CPR because he was a fan of us thinking that and I never call them. We notice that okay. More Metro cards seven dentists parliament. Ten eight five thirty. You don't WanNa miss that that. No I didn't doesn't say it's it's healthy hair vicious sufficient. I said not a physician metric this is for two thousand fourteen orthopedic. That's one key like towards the measure card Metro Card will i. I know when it's the rare one because we say okay. Here's here's a game of thrones. That's not the one so you want to toss this. Utah's okay we're tossing. What is this the rare that this is a grand central terminal? uh-huh why is it. This is the rare one. Don't fuck I think they made only like one hundred thousand one all right. We're keeping that that's for you. I fixed I feel I feel really good about this airs. There's nothing for to me. No reason look because now look you took all the shit out. I'M GONNA throw it all out. I'm never going to be able to put a card back in here now because I've have had this wall it's at fucking Christmas like fuck it. I'll go get Keith. I can make a wallet better than this one compartment. Adam cut out of a pill pill do this wallet you open it up and it looks like inbetween like you're you're fucking your couch cushions youngest. It looks like like like a cowboy from the wild west. This would be as wash his leg and never. Just be full of bounties and Schilling's Mike Fake Gold Regal. That's that's that's fucking expired good. That's another metro card. This is what a metro car do. You need this. No because they were different colors about these. Do you want to keep them. Oh yeah keep him with the different colors was he gonNa do you like some. I'm going to get judge. Judge our neighbouring fucking care enabling giving all green and put the agreed on what. Why do I need one? Just throw it the red keep it why health we need. This is another one. This one is a is a dentist appointment in two thousand fifteen getting closer to our current year sleep. That's when I stopped going Metro Card Metro card metric King County's at the end vibe one hard. The general days for the last two years March twenty seventh. I don't know what year though we're back in two thousand fourteen today. We are back in two thousand fourteen. Here we're back orthopedic back in two thousand fourteen neutral which of course now another dentist appointment that goes thrown out another metro card jet that gets thrown out. Because what is this Keith Japan. Dan Sarkouh you have a Sarkouh card. We used to go to stop and shop and Sarah she and Sushi. Express Your Vip Cola you know you're a VIP at Sarkouh Japan fucking Web clubcard VIP. How much Sarkouh have you you have? No I was. Whenever I went food shopping with mom we would go to it and talking to them and whenever I go to stop shop with Mama Food shopping wise it was in the same complex shit and I would always get a teriyaki chicken online right and if I got five of them you'd you'd get a free one? Okay so now we're back at the orthopedic surgeon and This is two thousand fifteen. Get rid of that Very close to Valentine's go Keith more dentists this Kid's been to the dentist like you would not believe 2015. Another dentist guard Metro Card Metro Card Metro Card Metro Card Metro Card Metro Card Metro card. Here we go back at the orthopedics June of Twenty fifteen metro card. What what the fuck is this a bunch of baby feet? What public health nurse the fuck is that? Let me see that. Oh I know this is yeah. Yeah You keep that. I asked subway card. I don't I don't know good lox I yeah fuck subway back at the dentist s Wasser July of Twenty fifteen. Fuck that place back at the dentist again July Twentieth Dentists Two Thousand Fifteen Queens consultation concentre. What the fuck is this? There's nothing even written on it in your wallet. So long that the ink has disappeared mentioned. It was fourteen years old probab- with and then this is back at the orthopedic surgeon. Okay September of twenty owning. If you've been to the if someone found your wallet there'd be like this person has only been to to the dentist and Orthopedic Surgeon Counties Thirty Thirty. You listen to us. This is a good cleanse. This is addict. No doesn't well. You could keep your metro cards. I don't really care. Don't keep the Metro cards pointless now. My Walsall talk be sufficient enough to keep the keep them for the weight. The actual weight. I know this is why I didn't want to do this. This is the only reside in. Oh Yeah Yeah. We'll get the argument. What do you mean the wait to Norba Joey? It's leather. It stretches out right okay so now you start something out for fucking ten years. Do you think tickets. I gave my wallet so heart that nothing's going to fit in in the fuck are are you doing putting it. Yeah he's got he's got he's got rituals. Who puts it this art? Sorry do you need thirty of them. Yes he does just for that just literally literally. All of these is me buying them every thirty days so that I can go to work I by an unlimited metro car. Now he's going to do one. It's all this attack back just saved in my wallet for the Hell of it do you have any. Do you have any like I think we're good. We're I think we're good when happy make progress here. We purged your wallet a bit. Wow he's making a big step. How big this isn't bothering me? I already fucking told you the reason of why I wanted to keep all of it in their kids yell sense. It's such a big deal or whatever baby steps I really. We're GONNA care. We're going to clear the wallet and then we're GonNa go by some jeans you only times. I pissed on this thing. How how? How does this happen peeing wallet putting your underwear the toilet wearning by crackheads? Life living here. It's it's adventurous. You're the most like I very new system or something ever talk to. Well How do you pee on that. No wonder it's warped Duda but we know my piece stories. I know your piece stories but we pissing into your pocket. Oxo Big just like funnels gets it out and put it in my back pocket. Fill up my back pocket. That's warm Biz. Talk it not dude. I've woken up multiple. We'll times in my bed. Were fully clothed and I'm wearing wearing jeans. Socks a fucking sweater. Yeah all of it. I wake up the whole thing whole thing is drenched. I don't know how I hold all the liquid so yesterday but I'd like this is what's scary is Last night I drank nine beers an like a streaming and I had a ton of water I went to bed. One hundred sixty pounds woke up. Woke up next day hundred fifty two pounds which means means. I paid out all of that Keith. How do I hold that much like fucking liquid you weigh yourself a UFC fighters ways? He's up before bed when you wake. I'm curious to see like how because I like hovering around one fifty one fifty two all right. That's a nice healthy weight. Not how how how. It's packed on me. It's not but Keith. Before we adhere ahead yeah The ten questions would you have an ideal weight. I I have an ideal weight that I probably wouldn't forty five zero five. You'RE GONNA be one forty four and I was when I was in really good shape when I was younger I I find it. I know you did it. Sound like dropped. A penny on the four could that was it was. It wasn't talking about forty five Keith. You're always like six year. Also sixteen no when I was when I was twenty three twenty three hours one hundred thirty nine pounds. Okay and I was indies shape. All this is all right now. I haven't worked out in five years. So the metabolism like a six year old girl burning. Cow Yeah I wish. Burn cals thousand crack one slice of bread. I gained forty eight pounds. Yes just how it works. I've seen it happen if I just look at a cake. I gained six pounds. That's how works for me. Do that weird. I was drinking Lacroix's year the qual- look at all by the way I was fucking out that name for the have you in US both crooks. Yeah the crops macron Crooks. You'll pay as I would love right now Russia Walker right so before we get out of here. I have. We have ten questions. We're going to be asking everyone on the show. You're the first episode of the actually. Are So congratulations to you. got some stuff done onto the wallet all right first question. We're going to go back and forth big filler for this one. You're not gonNA have that one another gas. Well let's see your wallet it out right now also. Let's take all of day picture. You and your parents come on throw it away. Economy John Okay. They're not alive anymore. It's your only memento them for now. I here we go. Do you say read receipts or read receipts read receipts. Wow really I say red cow I say I say read receipts to say read but read read. Read is a word it it makes more sense but I I say read now because it's like did you read this. Yeah then that's right but the person receiving it would say. Yeah I read that. Yeah but you have to realize also. I can't even probably like a great essays for you like my English whole thing. English is terrible for me your English Louis Whole my English whole is tight rebuttals. If it's not it's not expanded. It's not great next next question. Are you more the truth person or dare person probably a dare. Wow Nice do you agree. I don't there's no I don't know I I don't know him play a whole lot of truth of dare. I feel very truthful person too though. But you'll you're down to the nitty gritty. You're down day or it up and down the dare multi our whole on all forces there. But YOU'RE GONNA put it there. I'll fucking go there. DACHSHUND that was near dare go take. Okay fuck it. I'll I'll get inside you. What's something you have to do every day? Like not like pee or poo we cover that like stuff that you need to do every day to kind of like make yourself complete besides put a new metro card new wall and go to the orthopedic surgeon. I probably play video games. Yes you have to you have to deal with it. Helps you relax right yeah. It's it's my escape. Okay Nice you go. It is my drug. Do you think your social media account is good portrayal of who you are do you. Though no see but my my social media accounts literally how all the more is just mean basically just posted dumb shit like making fun of myself. Because I think it's hilarious. I don't think it's all good. I don't take myself serious. It's just more or less. I think it's hilarious. I don't think I don't think mine portrays who I really have a in public. I posted a grim today. And then the picture before that. I don't think I posted on my instagram a month. So I mean it's here or are there. What animal best describes you? We'll call like a Komodo dragon way. Nice animal he picks it five again. I don't know just pick the cool. You just like Komodo dragons but you had to describe it because there isn't I'd like them and it's Kinda fucked up also is if they bite you. There's is bacteria in their saliva. That we do not have cures for. And you'RE GONNA die so if you ever get bit by Komodo Dragon. You're gone so a key doesn't trust many people. I don't think that's what it is. If you bit me right now we'd have to drive. I got some gentrified as so you want to ask. Asmara might lose a couple of teeth there. But Oh yes my turn rate yourself on a ten ten love it. That confidence is great. I love that this great answer a game show. Would you have the best chance on definitely not jeopardy fucked approach for me Game show the bird noise just one time. That is remarks. RECR- it's regrettable retrenching. It's ridiculous and credit read. That's one of the best impressions of an animal I've ever that's insane. Gives the bird. Bummer time if I heard that ship yoke this fucking bird out of here. They got different seasons seasons water. That's a different species is what it Gimme a fall bird go ahead. What a fall bird like a bird in the fall? Yeah Albert Daniels so absolutely. He is November when he did that I felt a leaf com. Come down to touch my face. I feel a little bit under all right. What what game? Show Bro Oh fuck. I don't know we'll go blah fucking. I'd probably kill it a wheel of fortune. Okay cool you dumb fuck. WE'LL BE BUYING A. It's like money fucking Canadian as their D. figure personality is better than your looks. Hell unfought the Margherita Pizza. Shuttering phony came at Margarita. What's your what's your least favorite feature about yourself probably my knees Because they suck okay the way they look like they'd just. I wish you had different needs. They're always hurting so else's knees. Yeah Yeah Okay if I get a replacement in both of them and never have to where I'm going with this? Yeah and Last question last question is are you happy today. Now that's awesome it's the weekend. Yeah she is to the free and we yeah. I don't know this song that's part of. That's honestly the only part I know. Every ANA yeah think so. I'm just glad he didn't go the R. Kelly songs so I think we had A. This is a great first episode. I had fun. I heard some Santa Gado stories as I had no idea burning. Yeah got burned by cracking. Sounds like a Christmas. Carol kids burning open at I balk okay tripping from their nose. This is flying. While it's seven pissy wallets thirty metro cards and correct with a Sega Man True it's so true though hurts hurts anyway. Keith tell us where they can find you in surgeon from two thousand fourteen he actually did surgeries for the Knicks. So so tell people about your your which is find you when you watch the Games Games you play all that jail well was it. Yeah you My twitter handle is twitter dot TV slash K Santaigo ice-cream sporadically. I don't really have set days when I stream but I try to during a week. Try to do like three to four days. Okay so I don't really have set schedule. I like to keep my foot times. Usually I stream after work. So that'll probably like early. Social Streams probably six thirty. PM Pacific Precipitate Standard Time. No it's yeah and seven o'clock GMT. I run an Australian. Always fucked up all right like I still don't like you just told me I still here Bro. Eastern Standard North East. Because we're yes. We're the east part of the country. Okay Gotcha all right cool wall. That was a fun first episode of the Extra Yard. You guys look forward to more episodes like this is with some special guests that may be grilling and giving those ten questions to and finding out a little more about them. They won't get better answers than me. They won't probably. I doubt I highly doubt it. No one who mm-hmm comes on the show for the rest of time is ever going to say something like do you know many times. I've pissed on this wallet. That's just GonNa stay molding to see like the white you no you know no no white for P and then like you know when you Like the cards get wet so from there I guess like the friction is like blowing off a little of the the the pay for pieces pissing fused lawless want to happen. You wanted to go through it before I knew there was this mold on it. Yeah Joel Well I've been paying myself my whole career. I didn't know you were pissing into the fuck and fold where you put your fucking wallet. We're getting a New Orleans fucked. All right anyway senator. That's all for this week's episode of the X Yard Key. Thanks for coming on the appreciate it. Fuck yourself all right. You have a dentist appointment coming up.