#696 - Andrew 'Dice' Clay
Greetings from podcast Ville. The church of what's happened. Now is brought to you by four hymns dot com. A one stop shop for hair loss skin care, and sexual wellness listened with age comes wisdom. But getting older goes Opie a Downer in one specific area if you know what I'm talking about forty percent of men by the age of forty struggle from not being able to get and maintain direction. Why do guys turn to wit solutions? What do nothing at all is still going to doctors and getting medicine it. Relate to science expensive pills on injections. Nobody wants an injection. But I'll tell you what, while known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions to help you combat he'd the, that's what forums dot com does at a few questions about your medical history. Chat with a doctor confidential review. If you're approved by the doctor products shipped directly to your door. Nobody knows. Nothing. And if I'm the forty and you wanna go out to a body, you wanna bring some extra ammunition for him as their fee, also do me a favor, the church family right now this month. I'm gonna give you a month. For hit, four hymns for five dollars. You heard it right. Five dollars. We'll get you started with just five bucks while supplies last. Prescription products are subject to Dr approval and require an online consultation with a physician who will determine its prescription is appropriate. See the website, the full details and safety of the mation. But for right now, go to four hymns dot com slash church. That's four hymns dot com slash church. Listen, the summer's here, wiping your but with dry toilet, paper, does got nothing. It does not remove all this shit. If you got shit on any other party, a body would you just wipe it off with Dr paper fuck. No water cleans, cock, sucker, better than dry paper. So. Thank God for Toshi to. She is a portable the day that clips right on to your toilet bowl. No plumber. No, nothing eclipse, the existing toilet, and sprays your, but completely fucking clean with fresh water that toilet waters member used and somebody else wash their ass. No fresh fuck them war, it's called touchy. And it's the best thing you can do for you. Little stinky, fucking muffler, right? Toshi sprays directly into your s and removes the shit. So yon sitting on 'Bacterial that leads to nasty things like amyloid yeast, infections, UTI itchy assholes skid marks and God knows what the fuck house. You understand me when he think a chick sucks your pipe. She doesn't smell that fucking Loor gap for an asshole, you gotta watch that ass. It's the summertime and you living in humidity. Uncle Joe is here to help you go to hell does. She dot com slash church. Listen to me Hello to she dot com slash. Church that easy. Get ten percents off your order, right? Go to Hello does. She dot com slash church. Lease I at check this mother fucking meal. The Churchill what's happening now. Epi comedies. Decides play. Joey, he's got the price. Show. What's this? I love that. That's the jamming I love pick him with that. It really is. That's a jam in a decade. Go when you asked me, century, eagle on to come out with said it was like instant. I didn't have the there was no thought done a lot of fun and breaks. That's it. Yeah. I do love it. I love it. Great to have you on the show, you spend and beautiful. Thank you. Congratulations. On a star is born now, here's the fucking crazy thing. A lot of people, I know this because we had Nick Malonga sitting at oh, okay. You also want do the guest book. So anyway, the green book green guys book, the green book anyway, you, call it, you will either being one Academy Award nominated film or fucking tooth. Well, you know what? Honestly, I was really happy for neck because you know, just like us guys struggled and struggled, and I know all about the movie and with the movie was about about his dad, and like he couldn't even believe like when it was going to get made. You know what I mean? When there was a deal flowing into place. And then all of a sudden Spielberg signed on the what's it called Amblin company, you know, and Knicks come to me going, you know, Spielberg's now producing this. Like I was just thrilled for him because this a guy just like us, you know, did whatever you had to do to pay his rent, you know, you know, now, he's, he's the winner, not just the best picture best screenplay and he's just cooking. Now. He was talking about you, because you both the sopranos per, yes. Yes. How was that great? He was great. He's like the greatest guy, right? Sweetheart of you know, just a sweetheart. I'm I shot a film with him in two thousand twelve. Oh, okay. So, you know, we met, and he was explaining the story about his father Bubba block until this day. I've always said, any mob move over the same his father's got the best lime any moment. Opening the pope village Mickey rook walks into the restaurant and the maitre d' says the way to goes the guy wants to talk to in the back lets the movie opens still rolling. He goes into the bathroom, and this guy shaking his Dick Rippe superior off the thing. And he goes, oh, how come nobody keeps me? Wait, when they're looking to Blau. Luck and just just threw me off. That's like our movie. Yeah. Somebody wants to borrow money that ten minutes before like pulp is like a bible to us by. I lost my fucking mind. But it's now talking to you about the film saver cook mckie's first line to favor them cook jolly, I'm coming. I'm coming job when he says to him, after they come off and he's in the room with the punch him away. Wait a minute. And I haven't done this in a long time. And he's stoned out from taking all the pills cause Mickey's gone. How many knows I don't know. I took all fucking and then he's like, hitting the, the there's a heavy bag. And Mickey's Thome how his girlfriend dumped him, you know. And Eric Roberts characters what's his name again in the movie. Every it's Charlie drought Hawley all Asia. Sometimes. Yeah. Got us MAC. You gotta say you put your coat on, and you don't say goodnight tug, no body. And that's just a humble. And then he passes out, you know, I mean, you don't smack the knock a mind. He's what did you say? He goes, sometimes you got us back now. It's Magar and say, you it's not about knocking them out, just your clothing. Good night. You code on a new don't second night Todd nobody. And that's just a humble. You don't hit him during the oak tree, but didn't give them a little wacky says something like I don't have the exact squatting front of me. I'm sorry. Thirty five years ago came. Wow. So nobody's got the right frontal. Five snuck in years show me, the clip of that. I have seen pretty close have been waiting for the sequel to that there's a sequel they had, and it's so funny because the guy that was like a PA on that movie was to produce on by the men to what you know, and I want up to shook his hand. He's got did you even see that, you know, the original cast was supposed to be pope? No, we're supposed to be Pacino James Caan. That's it was going to do that move and what happened. They fell out and mckeon and Eric Robinson it. And that's the only way can ever see that movie. Like, even when I think, of how great Pacino James Caan should it would have done. But you just see the scene like we're doing the scenes from the movie there's so many great minds in that movie when they're at the fucking or stable. The milk in the whole whatever the fuck that doing the foot. He goes, it's like your mother's Matz around. Nothing nothing. But I went to your mother stall. Motorola, and the guy gets it's not the trolls have never made a piece of two that time, nothing but Matz kinda tough was kind of tough. I used to do all that on stage impressions. He cut his thumb off with a knife. Frankie vincent. I love to work with Frank Vincent. Four sit during a what a fun happened. All these years, I was a good fucking if movies, but he franked a ton of movies. Frank was amazing amazing, you know, his he was supposed to be Scorsese was looking at him for when they were doing the raging bull. Okay. And so they were looking at a film, like a B movie with Frank Vincent. And in the background was peci. You know, like doing something onstage, 'cause in Frank will partners like a comedy team. And, and as he was like, who's that guy, and they both obviously wound up in the movie, but it made test career because he wasn't even being thought of at the time from what I know from the stories, I've been told so they both wound up come these big time actors he put him in everything, Frankie, Vincent. Except I think mean streets is Frankie Vincent. No, no. This is all. This is all post potent means streets. You know, this was once it became like raging bolt on. Now. What was it was a good fill? Whichever one came first raging came a okay. Eighty one eight. Okay. And then good fell. He was like a restaurant waiter or something, Joe. She manager at a restaurant and him. And Frankie was the drummer. Yeah. Thank you. Vincent was a drummer or something. And they wouldn't like some we had like a little drum battle, you crack a joke in the symbol sh that they were team working. Yeah. But we did we did this movie that never came out, man. Frank. Vincent did Lynn stop. A Mexico was called the good life. Was this crazy thing that we went through in Mexico, two months? But there was a set of drums, so we were going back and forth. He was a good drama. He was like a real, j it's drama, great guy, just a great guy like he's the way you would have wanted to be, when you meet them, you know, even play the, you know, when I'm not on screen disquiet. This whole like some of these actors, you know, he had personality patchy the greatest. You know all these guys when I first met, you, you would just getting off the set of a movie with Stallone, his brother. That's the movie, the good life, and you playing golf or something like that, yet you toward the movie never came out, tortured, brother had because it wasn't being teen. Play to torture, Frank. If, if I get into that story, we will not get to talk about anything else, and I love, you know, Frank. Give me one torture chamber. You put okay my world. Frank aided rallies. Okay. No. But frying happens to be like a great great sing like he's got that Sinatra style a singing like he can do that with the big band. Okay. And but I didn't know too much of it back then. Right. So anyway, Frank would go off and piss all of Harry Connick, who was the biggest at the time with the big band stuff. Okay. And so me and Frank would argue over this, and I'm saying how great conic is, and Frank would piss all over it. And one day in the makeup trail at this, this act appeared Dopson was also doing the movie with us. So unloved entertaining Dopson by fighting with Frank day night, you know. You know, and the reason the fighting what happened would be because he wasn't being a team play with us. Like Frank would be like, do you understand this movie's, my fucking shot, you know, and I'm the lead in this, and then he'd leave my room and I'd look at Peter Dobson ago, turn this movie into fuck and Jerry Lewis? And the movie, the movie was supposed to be funneled. The kind of movie is supposed to be goodfellas on a golf course. Okay. Okay. It's a very tough moving, you know. And I'm behind Frank impersonation of him smoking. He doesn't even see me doing this ship. A mocking on screen because of the way he treated us. Okay. So now he's with the conic bullshit. So one day I come into to make up, this is an it's one hundred and ten degrees and stop a Mexico ever been to stop. No nobody understands nothing. I didn't eat food for five weeks. Everybody was winding up in the fuck and hospital. Don barris broke his like I in a hole in the floor or something. So every day I would eat at five o'clock, I would have pasta and garlic, bread and coke with purified ice, and I wouldn't eat till the next day at the same time. That's all I would eat. Because everybody was falling at the waist and going to the hospital, but it was a beautiful island in Mexico. Okay. So I come into to, to make up and Franks. And he's blasting that it's distorted his his cassette. Okay. Of his music that allowed he was playing. And I don't say a fucking word. Because, you know, when I have a thing about me, and I really made it like a big thing when I did entourage about nobody fucks with dice dice, does the fucking in the long run for always and forever dice does the fucking. That's just the way it is. I don't if it's an executive show run over an act Weber wants to fuck with me learns that in the end I will do the fucking. That's it. It's how I've lived my life. So I'm letting the music just blast and pitas there and he's not saying nothing and I'm doing my makeup and. So now I'm done with the makeup, you know, Frank still sitting there and pita, still sitting there and as passing the, the, the distorted cassette play on lower the volume. Okay. And go, you know, something Frank, you know, I'm going to say, and I'll say in front of this trailer full of people. You do sing better than Harry Connick junior, I go the differences, Harry Connick junior, sings the songs people wanna hear. And that's why he did nine nights at Madison Square Garden, and I crank the music and welcome. He's trying to yell at me. I just walked the fuck out, you know, it's like, come on, but Frank really does all honesty. He's like an unbelievable crooner all kidding aside with sixteen saw Castro, this guy swings like Sinatra, you know, and I even have him on, like all, my platelets, like you know how you make playlists on your ipod all that. And I would call this fucking moron and I go once we became friends, again, it only took like three years after the movie, and I go Frank, why not in Las Vegas. With the orchestra just swing. Five nights a week. Well dice, if you got me an agent white, a fuck do I need to get you. An agent. Stallone your Sligh's brother. He can't get you a personal appearance agent. You wanna best I go, and I love, like, Michael, boo. Blair, I love all these guys, but he sings betta Frank is better. He's just a better singer. The feel something when you perform you don't you know, and he's one of those guys when it gets onstage, he just feels it, you know. And then he'll pick up the acoustic guitar go. No, not the acoustic. A fuck about you with an acoustic guitar. Swang mother fucker just fucking swing. He's amazing. He really is amazing. He put maybe twelve years ago, I used to work at this gym, and they through the cassette out the fucking DVD. Everybody walked put rap music now. He's, he's actually a great guy. He reads like a book day, like, you know, but, you know, and that, you know, that movie never came out that was a lot of problems. And Dennis hopper was in the movie. You know, sly was in the movie, they did it. He did a cameo, you know, and. You know. It just became a mess. And you know. You know, I had like so nothing now would happen get a call. There's a long time ago. So I guess I like thirty. So I you know. I get a call. I'm sitting at the pool with my wife at the time I got whisper this and. So now I get a call from slides attorney that does a problem that might be a big lawsuit with the movie. So I'm trying to tell the attorney like, well, you know, if there's a problem, you know, call me whatever like blowing it off. Because, you know, that was like a little indiscretion with me and like one, the produces like a little like little onset affair wasn't accident. And, you know, so I couldn't be sitting on the phone next to the woman. I love going again. Talk about it now because, you know, there was thing with the. But if you need me, I'm with, you know, was crazy. What would go on? I you know, I'm fucking good. I just can't help myself. I love. The marriage didn't work. I don't believe on cheating on your wife. But if you bump into a blow job, so I told you walk on this. I don't look at flying blow look at it like cheating. It just comes down and such dick and flies. How does this sound Joey? It's not cheating, if you're in another state and you can't get there in time. You know, like I've called different wives and girlfriends, and go. I will wait till midnight to blow my cork. But you gotta be there and be ready to catch it or else. I got no choice. You leave me. No choice. You know, a nice like that. I don't wanna cheat on them. You know what I mean? They, they do it to them selves. You know how will you gonna get from across the country? I got a load that's boiling, and my bulls, you know what I mean? I, I got a complete face. Full of paste feel. You know what I mean? So where are you there? Are you with ikat call them, you know, and your mouth, wait a fuck? You know what I mean? You know, I'm a guy I really do enjoy sex. I you know, it's the reason I date. You know, I, I don't mind blowing my own load, but I'd rather have somebody that if I'm bored with myself. All right. Come over here. Don't be shy. You know what I mean? Moved to pillows out from between us. I do hate sharing a bedroom with a girl. Oh, yeah. You know. And trust me, I'm not doing any stage material here showcasing foot, whoever's listening. This is just who I am. But like, you know, like, let's say you have an argument, like with the chick, okay? What do you do you turn your back to a right? Always, you know, like like that's going to stop, you know, all of a sudden, she opens up the laptop with the glow like a like a UFO just landed in the fucking bedroom. So you're not going to be able to sleep. But if you have your own bedroom, and not everybody could afford it. You know, but if you have enough bedroom have your own fucking bedroom. So when you do have an argument, it just go over there, you know instead of being in the same room in hearing, the, the heavy. Are you gonna be like walk out of the room? Just work out of the room. I don't get away. You sleep, you know what I mean? So it's very hard to share a bedroom. That's what I believe in. I don't even know what talking about this stuff goes to fuck because I was no fucking good. I told my sons all the time I go, you know, I'm you know smoker, you know, which I quit now you know, a gambler, you know, I you know, I would I cheat on all my girls, you know, because, you know, because they just don't allow you to bang the checks without any repercussion. I just never understood that. You know, the home moment thing always threw me off going. So why could some jerk off guy living in fucking Utah? Be able to fuck ten chicks. Take a pick this one for tonight this, you know. And I'm the nicest guy in the world, and I get one and then all of a sudden 'cause a matter guy that bang. From that time at a month, I could live without at that time in a month, but give me like a little room. Right. You know, let me go have a few laughs. I didn't create this cycle that you go through. And now today, you know how they will want you to really understand what they would a fuck as what you go through. I'm not a girl a never gonna understand this shit. Just tell me when I could hop the fuck back on that. I wanna know. Yeah. You know, like if I start dating girl like asko like I know, when that kind time in Amman, like, like, do you really get like in a bad mood like one to ten like, you know, like, give me the answers to the test that I need to know? If I can make this, a serious relationship like between one and ten how bad is it? Do you go seven days? Is it a three day like quickey because I'm not waiting seven fuck in days and watching you angry for said. Days does no way living with you. If that's the fucking thing, you know, just live on your own and come see me when you when, when. When you're reveal lable do whatever I need done done with marriage now. Are you writing it off? I mean I you shouldn't ever say done, you know what I mean. Like, I'm not looking for it because, you know, I would like to now you know, it's like two years since me and my ex broke up. So it's time like, you know, I like having somebody, but number one, she's got to be hot as balls. You know what I mean? That's you know, I'm not going to settle for anything less. You know. I mean why go with something that looks like fucking livestock? You know what I mean? I'm in fucking show business dice. So, you know, I want to be picky about who the next one is. And but marriage I don't know. Maybe you know, I would marry like maybe I don't know like a. The something different somebody number one wealthy to make you know what I mean by a twenty two year old Chinese. It's not even about the aid just have a lot more money than me. Like, if I met like an armless billionaire beautiful, there's something I haven't been with you know what I mean. Like she won't have to turn her call like with teeth. You know what I mean? Like you know what I mean, to make illegal u-turns that would be different, but relies if I meant like. Like all the girls I've ever married, you know, and they've been ton of them and engagements and all kinds of shit. And but I would actually I gotta thing like I actually need to really be crazy about the girl I married because, you know, like when you meet these women that are looking for a guy like with a lot of money, and they spend their life like looking to collect diamonds and 'cause it's like you wasting your time on earth being with somebody, you're not even really into. Yeah. You know what I mean? We're most of the women from LA or if it's women from anywhere, like, you know, a lot of mothers, do teach ticker. Oh, it just disease, a marry riches it. How about marrying just what you love? You know what I mean because any girl ever married I was in love with. That's it till I hated them. Till it fell apart. You know, 'cause I it's Joe even knows my relationships have been like I was with my son's mom for sixteen years. That's a, that's a long run, even my last relationship was nine years that, that's a long run. You know. So, yeah, I never went, you know with a girl for money, you know, like, yeah, when I came out, he was Dayton Sandie Shaw for a little while Mitzi was like, oh, you'll marry my daughter twenty one fucking years old. You know, and, you know forget about Jewish girls, you know. Yeah. 'cause my first girl girl was Jewish girl, and she just wrecked it for all the other Jewish girls. Just awful to be with we get an argument, if I was looking girl in another caller. Okay. Sixty nine the Mons and with drive down king's highway in Brooklyn. She opened the door to throw a self out in the fucking car. I'd have to grit, what the fuck is. This was. Not a one time event. Okay. This went on at least once a week where she strolling herself editor, call a moving call in. So one night, I ask ton Amari may, you know, I wanted to guarantee getting blown, it was New Year's Eve. Right. And so she goes, let's go tell my parents, whatever. So I go to in the morning we don't have. Let's do this instead. 'cause now you're going to be married. And now let's go so we go wait. The parents up and was sitting there, and I actually re sorta did this, my first special dice, man cometh, right? Where this girl calls me, she goes, what's he ever going to be? He's like nothing. That's other girl would act because her father. I don't want to name names or anything. But how fall the at that time was a top NBA ref in the country and back then referees was famous as the place you know. And I don't even follow sports, but he was like if you heard his name, it was like what, you know, you know, and the guy made like fifty grand a year, and, you know all the perks whatever. So we wait the parents, we're gonna get married and she starts with me. It's three in the morning. About the ring. Now I'm working in clothing stone, bringing home like two hundred week and you know, I wasn't thinking this far I, I wanted to blow job, you know what I mean? I'm not thinking about spending thirty grand on ring in and she goes what do you mean? You're not going to get. I can't afford an expensive ring. Right. And she starts a fight in front of parents and all of a sudden, you know, I'm an explosive personality. Some just like fuck you fuck haw yelling at the parents, I go you keep this no good. Fucking bitch Mattis relationship, and I go to leave the apartment, which had a bunch of steps leading to the front door that she's now wrapped to roms around my neck and letting defeat drag on the steps, and I'm swimming at a father, get this fucking animal off of me before she gets fucking hurt in the father's fuck, and pulling her off me. And I'm like three in the morning. This is three in the fuck and morning. Happy new year. Andrew happy fucking new year. You know, and, you know, so I went with that girl, I swore off, like Jewish girls. And on my way to LA I it was saying the ago when my sister lives, that's where I'm at sandy, who was she was a great chick. You know and. I guess she liked my attitude because, you know, I knew I was in comedy for six months. I don't know about spots. I don't know about headlining pips at the my addition on Wednesday night, I was headlining Friday, sadly, you know, because I had an aquit turned from Jerry Lewis into John Travolta from Greece. So it would just kill. So when I come into comedy store, because my sister goes, oh, there's a comedy store in, in, in the Hoya, you know. And go get what the one in L as well. She goes. No, I think that connected, like, you know, so I go over there in a member. John the bartender. Okay. So it's daytime so come over to the sky, and I go yet, like to widow, sign up, I wanna go on tonight, you know, it just came from a Tahoe in Vegas performing, their you know, it was a sandy Hackett thing in, you know, I made like it was a gig, but it was just a showcase. And he goes, oh, you can't just sign up. You know, you got a you got to talk to the manager and. Where is it? He goes. No, it's it's a shame. She's in her office. Knock on the door. You know, be be nice with, you know. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like, I'm not even thinking Mitzi comedy style. You know, means nothing to me, you know. So sandy, and yet, can I? Yeah. Widow sign up tonight. You know she goes what do you mean with you, sign up? You know, it doesn't it doesn't work. I go, Honey. You know, just Advair goose just the Tahoe. You know, I wanna go on, like, what am I gonna do, and she liked me immediately? You know 'cause like I was might as well been from another planet because I was from Brooklyn, and I never went I never left Brooklyn till I came out here, and she goes, well, why don't you come back tonight, about nine o'clock, and I'll get you on. And I went on and dazzled and next thing you know, we're in her, that she had disgraced Riviera next thing you know, walk in the beach, and, you know with the, the condos and. You know, and they're not come to LA and showcase from its, yet, the twenty eight minutes, which EMC, you know, rob Aguire de remember known. He was an MC back then. But I don't know. Who's the boss who's the own just went on? And they did my whole act. I give a fuck with the three minutes and the sky starts screaming at me as leaving the stage and I go you the owner. And he goes, no, but I'll make sure you get out of my way. You let's the own tells I, I didn't come three thousand miles to do three minutes. Okay. So move out of my way, I'm wanting, you, you know, and then I'm in the bathroom like taking putting all my Jerry Lewis stuff, back in the bag as a guy next to me, my first experience here and do in, you know in the regular bathroom in, in the original room. Yeah, good. You know, you know, me and you we sort of wear head the same way you know, because I had a lot more habit. I go. Yeah. You know, great. You know can help you something because I don't do that. You know, he was like coming onto me, and who was at fucking with me, Gary Shanley. So I'm Gary Shanley, and he started laughing. I am Gary. Yeah. Okay. Good. Bye. And. And then the next day, I get a cool. I'm staying with my friend. L hambro. Where just bang this other chick on the couch that he set up for me to his wife and I get a call. You gonna come to the comedy store and sign papers, europaid regular, you know. And I didn't even know what data will meant. I just was Mitchell Walt as that kept calling my father in Brooklyn. He, he saw me pips and Brooklyn. He was one emits main guys, you know, Mitchell. Yes. So when he saw the actor was doing. He kept calling my father at his office going. You don't understand. I have prepped Mitzi. Your son needs to come out here, and that's the reason I even came to LA was Mitchell, you know, and you know because he did a whole number but he kept goal of my father until I finally said, you know what I'm gonna go out for two weeks. And I didn't go back to Brooklyn for nine months for the first visit because Mitzi was like you, you can't go back there. You know, your star what use it was seventy. Nine February seventy nine when I came out here, jeez. Yeah. Started September thirteen seventy eight at pips and Brooklyn. So, like, you know, hefty later, I'm in LA. So I don't know. There's a comedy boom starting to happen. I just figured, you know, go to LA and just become like one of the biggest stars in the world. What do I have shit? I got I have no academic skills. So this is what I am. It's just just project myself to the shit. So from seventy nine to eighty seven what was going on? I just well, the Travolta act till I did Don Kirshner rock concert, which I did the Jerry lowest Travolta, and I ended with Stallone, it was amazing how we got away with using all that music, you know, paying nickel for you know, the rocky theme in Greece and all the music used 'cause the producer. Was Tom Lynch who was twenty three years old. And I go don't we have to pay like to use don't just three rack. And he wound up producing my first special dice, men comment and. Yeah. Because I took off in it was September thirteenth, exactly. Ten years later. February thirteenth, eight is when I add on the Rodney special on a Saturday and Monday was the biggest comic in the world. You know that what came first Rodney special or the vice may know Rodney special and even really even needed my own special because before my special hit, I was an arena surrounding. It was ridiculous. No shit. And, and what I did I predicted, and I've put this up on my Instagram where I put the Ed on my Instagram of a took a full page ad in variety. You know, on Thursday, the special was going to add the Saturday the thirteenth Rodney thing. So on the eleventh, but, you know, Friday how everybody closes down show business. So I took a full pay just met about thirty five hundred bucks on full-page half. The page is my picture. Real attitude. Picture, not even in a lead them just sitting on a chair backwards. And the other side, I wrote this whole long poem about I like in bold letters, I never studied much in school. But when I turned on the tube, and then I listed everybody like they was Elvis, the king, buddy rich with hands like lightning. Travolta sang in Dan's sly. Knock me out Brando, made me pal. I mentioned all these heroes a mine. And at the end I write Murphy and prior both. Great, no doubt. But in eighty eight it's dice. They'll shout. I never studied much in school dot dot dot, but I did study with big ball, writing Rodney Dangerfield nothing goes, right Saturday, and I predicted, what it was going to be to the entire industry, and it's exactly how it came down, 'cause number one Rodney, lemme at it, my shot 'cause he showed me an edit of my, you know what I did. And I looked at him. And I'm like. He goes, okay, man. What don't you work on? All right. We're going with the director and I worked on it for a couple hours and show to Rodney. He goes, you happy not man. Okay. All right. And that's what he led air because I knew what was going to affect the public. It just, you know, an kit with any of the comics, we're going to do on that show. I couldn't get what's his name, Barry sellable shows up. And what's Barry sellable known for wear leather jacket know something that they spoil Jack baseball? Okay, so he shows up in a motorcycle jacket that trying to fuck in throw me off, you know, all these fucking guys, so I go over to Rodney and I go what's was Sobel and goes what do you mean man? 'cause Rodney looked at me. Like I'm going to be the guy, you know, that's it. Like he knew that I was going to blow up if I did the right set. And I got wasn't a motorcycle, Jack. That's not what he was berry come in, and then, you know, embarrass era, he goes to the jacket. You know, goes, where's the baseball jacket goes away. This goes you wear it, but it's not going to be on TV. Okay, man. So go get your baseball jacket dice with leather Jack and that was it. You know, and I came up there. We did two shows on two different nights. The first show when I left the stage I came over to my father and my mother and training, you know, and I said, done biggest comic in the world. I didn't give a shit about the cameras I played to America. That's how you gotta do it. You know all the other comics word about what everybody else is doing all I can't about. I was so fucking prepared. I would see guys fucking around at the comedy store, you know too late night crabs. Three people fucking around, you know, Schimmel IRA just fucking around on, like you dumb fucks, man, when you get the shot of a lifetime in front of you. I don't get this. Nobody in the room. I'm running the set. You know. And that's it because the one thing I know is, when you do show like that you're going to be a little nervous. So at least be prepared at least know what's coming out of your mouth. No. You're not gonna fuck it up. You know, and Rodney to this day, you know him would never happen. Know the greatest, and let me do exactly what I want to do an edit it exactly the way, I wanted to edit it and the rest became. History. I'll far. So you didn't shoot. Nice man coming for about a year and a half hour that it had nine months later, you know, on New Year's Eve eighty sorta Rodney thing. It's February thirteenth eighty eight. So we'll go into eighty nine so the dice man cometh Ed new jozy eve, eighty nine going into ninety at midnight. You should wasn't before that. Yeah. 'cause it's nine months after the Rodney special because I got walked up eighty eight yet. But that's when I, hey, I got locked up. I think that the roommate showed me the fucking, the special or sorta, Rodney thing because that had a New Year's Eve, and I got out of February eighty nine okay after the Rodney after my special dice, man comet, okay, which had New Year's Eve going into into the next year. New Year's Eve eighty nine ninety I rented out the conference room at the halfway house, and I put your special no you adul- me this got food, and people couldn't believe it. They were blown away them telling you guys get ready for this shit was, how on IMDB as January first nineteen eighty nine. So which means bid. Right, right. Eighty eight going to eighty nine eighty nine going tonight here. Right. I saw eighty nine going into ninety. Okay. Yeah that's, that's when it was. That's crazy because February we're gonna sit here like three dummies trying to figure out a date. So the Rodney thing at February thirteen eighty eight right? Yeah. So it makes sense eight going into eighty nine right? Yeah. Nine months later. So you knew like were you having bad set to that point, like if you had not done. Well, do you think you would have known or, or, or, or do you was that set something so special let you like, okay? I know that's gonna kick ass. The, the set on on run. You know I was prepared. You know, I remember you know, I was so prepared from everything from the material to what I was wearing. The built book was this fucking big. You know it was ridiculous. And I walked from the regency hotel to Rodney Dangerfield club like I told trainee ago, I gotta feel the street, you know, and as a mock, and you can imagine people looking at the sky that look like a superhero walking the streets with the belt buckle. The leather the glasses. It was a whole thing. And I come into the club and Rodney standing there and he goes, how do you feel man, you ready? And I'm winning these stock glasses and I go tonight that pay. Tonight. They get disciplined and he just starts laughing. His ass. Okay. Tonight they're going to pay. All right, man. You got some issues. You know, the way he would you know, he just loved had dead serious. I was like I couldn't give a fuck who was doing that show. You know, one of the first things Joey showed me eight years ago, working together, it's, it's the world of comedy. See this, you know back then, like nobody behind me at all. You know, when I went through the controversy with the news and all that, and journalists, and they would just come down on every comic, and his mother was on fucking television shows that weren't even real shows like they were creating morning shows just to talk about this comic that shouldn't even be allowed to perform. Okay. So I had fucking nobody behind me which leads me to the Roseanne thing, you know, and I was like, so I was never wanted the pack. You know what I mean? When George Slota. Did the the comedy awards for instance, you know? The first year. They're doing the comedy awards. I think that was nineteen ninety and you know who Tim Jones was he passed away Reese, the Blackett. Yeah. No, he did a little while ago. Yeah. Great guy, you know. And we always liked each other, but we never had much to say to each other, we drive to LA Hoya together and Tim would always look at me and goes, which is to talkable motherfuckers, you know, we wouldn't say where, but we just like each other. What did he die from? If you don't know, I don't know what is we'd. Right guy. We haven't seen him since the ten years. We both have a pretty bad drug problem. Now, just a nice guy, man. Nice guy. And this guy comes over to me, so it's the night of the year two thousand. Okay. And that doing the comedy awards, which I wasn't invited to. I was never invited to anything and. I didn't know that having the party for the comedy awards at the comedy store like half the party. Some seeing all these limits up because I said, the training I just wanna get out, you know, go to comedy stuck because bothered me. You know. And it comes Tim Jones over to me at the comedy store and goes why weren't you with the comedy woods? And go wasn't invited and it goes. It's unreal. He goes, how don't they give an award to a guy that has sold more tickets than any comic ever from the day? The first joke was told and they didn't give you an award for that because I was doing eighty thousand people week it was ridiculous. And I had to leave the store when I said at George slaughter because that's what I wanted to do. I want to fucking Slota him, you know, and I came home that night, this is this is kind of fun. Honey? What's not funny. It's actually meeting with these people are night. They wanna do the dice bio pic, you know, and there's a lot of drama in of the Asli these guys that did straight out of Compton, you know, so. So I'm looking around on sitting around this room that in in the house, I had a house in Beverly Hills. So we call the daddies, Dan, where could smoke my cigarettes, make my phone calls to all our tonight. And it's just bugging, the fuck Adamy, you know, all of it, no matter how big I was as a comic. It's just bother me and I go inside and I sit on the bed, and I guess, treaty felt me sit on the bed, and she goes a UA. Right. I was I was you said and just sitting in I go on going back to God. Ago these boys aren't going to grow up without seeing that, and that's it. And she goes, right? When you just, you know, lay down whatever happened, you'll tell me tomorrow, and what ended up happening to go back to God. And this is in two thousand I needed something because I had no heat I was living off my past fame, but as far as like I was done. I was blackballed from the movie industry, the only kind of movies I could do a B movies, you know, and. You know which may be one of them. We'll talk about brain smash with Terry Hatcher that was a special movie and. So I get I get a record deal just to have something to promote, you know, and, and I got the deal, like in two weeks through this producer. And so we put the, the it out, and at that time, I was doing Opie and Anthony, when they were on FM like on the same station stern, but in the afternoon and since I wasn't talking to start at the time I would just do this show. Okay. So my agent calls me up and he goes, right the, the record and he is off the shelves. You know what's the move like, we would always strategize. I go book the garden and it goes, you wanna put the garden, he goes last time you went Westbury did have a house, meaning fifteen hundred people now telling him to book, you know, eighteen thousand but what's going on eat thought, I'm losing it. He goes, don't we do the beacon, and if the beacon sells out, which he didn't think it was, you know, that it would take months to sell it out. He goes, we can move the show to garden. So Dennis, I go the beacons can sell out in twenty minutes. I go you don't understand doing this radio show, because you don't he goes, what why the garden like what's on put ago because my, my sons who had six ten at the time need to see that because it will do something for them. You know, in the long run is how I thought about it. Like something will go in that, you know, like we all looked at our own fathers in whatever way. And it goes, so you want me to call Ron Dell's then book Madison Square, God. And because you need a photo op with your sons. Echo, call whatever you want go, but it will sell out. There's no prop because you're on after noon. Drive. I don't get it. You know. So we booked the beacon like he says, and everybody's taking bets on Opie and Anthony how long it'll take saying twenty minute, it sold them thirty five minutes, beacon theater, which at that time was thirty three hundred seats. So now I call my agent, and he don't know what to say. Because she can't move the show. The beacon owns the. So he calls, Ron delta. And so now, the, the beacons going to be a Tober twentieth two thousand. So he calls up run Rundle's. No. And Dell's, who's legendary promote of which we all know says, look, obviously dice know something we don't he feel something. We, let's put ten thousand seats on sale at the gone, because I sold the beacon, but the only available date was the following Saturday, which is the twenty six now of October. I on sale, we do over seven thousand tickets, which is ridiculous. You know, but then it gets announced that the Mets are going to play the Yankees, and I'm not even into sports, but I know how big a subway series is going to be. The bottom line is I get a cold day of the garden, which trainees them my sons. They're you know they're gonna see this now. You know, it's a Dell's it's run. Dell's. No. And it goes, would you mind if we open up the back, he goes, clean the sellout, you know, so we did the last night of the World Series, the Mets play in the Yankees, we did over fourteen thousand people at the garden and my boys got to sit and now they're Aachen enrollment. Okay. So where I was going with this whole thing was about how even back then just nobody ever stood dealing on that have stood up from a was Eddie Murphy. He did come one time. It came out on senio and talked about how he doesn't give a shit, what anybody thinks he's coming to see me at the amphitheater. And but other than that. All the Jay leno's these fucking jerk off sled them in. Nobody back me up. You know their bad mouth me. I remember coming over to Leno when he said something nasty about me, and I just came out in an interview in penthouse, which I was the first guy ever put on the cover of penthouse, you know, other than Bob Guccione himself, I was the first male on the cover penthouse and it did great. And, you know, came over to, to Leno at that time, and he goes, whoever thought we both get to, you know, we got to go let me tell you something. I knew exactly where I was going. Maybe you didn't go, but I'm telling you, I ever hear you say anything, nasty about me again, I go, you're a guy stood in front of that comedy store with ten years and bullshitted about vintage cars and my old Cadillac. Men, the minute, I made it you wanted open befuddling mouth, I go if I come looking for you again, it's not gonna be any talk involved. Believe me, just keep your. Fucking mouth shut. And I never respected Leno because and it wasn't even me it was his whole reign on the tonight show. He never helped the comedians. You know, he didn't do Johnny Carson did he didn't look to make comics look great and sit down and get them deals. And, you know, when Johnny brought you out if he'd liked you the next day, you gotta deal with the network. You know, he would say, how great you are these guys wanted to sit above look down on you now now let him in on fucking net flicks looking like one hundred and forty five in what the fuck is that looks like he's got, hey, all over his fucking face. Just go to your house and stay in your fucking house. Nobody wants to look at you like that fucking jerk off asshole guy. That's what I think it was kinda guys seriously like picked, you, if you're Johnny Carson, if he walked over to me, I would shake in my boots, and I go so nice. To have met you like whether I was on his show and not it's, it's Johnny Carson who love comedy when Don Rickles was on when Rodney was on when any comic came on costs and he looked at it. This is a moment. I'm on every fucking night for what an hour and a f-, you know, let them shine. Not these this holes. You know, you know, get them on get them off. You know, not how great they are. Honestly, Jay Leno walked out and get the fuck outta him having coffee or, you know, respect. That's what I'd give them because they don't earn it. You know you gotta earn that kinda shit. So now here we will use later. Okay. In Roseanne has little problem, you know, when she was on the fucking Ambien, whatever the fuck it was, which I personally have been on Ambien and been on it, and sixteen seventeen years does make you say shit. It does turn you into characters. It does make you eat every fucking thing in the refrigerator, maybe including shelf until you know what Ambi done. I had a neighbor move out. When I lived in Franklin tower was in it, I, I started going with, with tic TAC tits. You know, Eleanor whatever. And I would love because nobody loves Eleanor more than me. I love so much. I ag- note the tits. Treated those tits like you know how girls get giant tits put on today? That's how I treated those fucking tic TAC tits. Like like, you know she wore a bra like everybody else. But you could take showed off. Maybe one is hanging out like it's almost like if the Bronx could talk it would be saying something like what job? Exactly. You know what I mean? But when I would put those in my mouth, I would open my mouth like I'm putting a fucking watermelon, and I'm young, exactly. You know, make feel great about those fucking to you know, she's going to combing for this anyway, anyway. So I had an apartment of Franklin towers, and you know, five in the morning. Two of the characters that I would become their worlds cross somehow. This Colonel from the marines, and Marvin who was a very streetwise. African American man. I'll say politically. Correct. And like the Colonel is five in the morning would be like you are, in my army son, and you will do ED's told and mom would be like mother fucker. Bullshit, mother fucker go a wall in shit, and he would come because when you're on Ambien and you did this without knowing. No, you gotta understand when you're on Ambien. You ever take Joey, okay? Surprise really gave me one. About six months ago, and I took it and I thought I was gonna start saying racial slurs. The people that's gonna call them names. This is what happens if you lay down and take an Ambien you're going to be out called in five minutes. But let's say by chance, you took the Ambien was fuck. I forgot to make this coal. Now, the ambient takes effect, so you have a sleep, and you have a wake, you know, you just hallucinating on this fucking thing. So that's what would happen to me some in the living room five in the MoMA, the fuck you don't talk to me like bitch, maybe you will be putting the brink you understand. I am a Colonel in the United States on it. You know. So now the lady next door would be leaving notes on the door like I don't know all people, but it has to stop. I haven't slept in two months and as yelling, karnal yelling at Marvin. All of a sudden hit comes on going. She would call them a Marvin. You need to lay down and go to sleep. You have to go to sleep. This is what's going on. You know, I put max to sleep that way. We've been talking about it. Yeah. I go little man you're going to go to school. You ain't gonna wind like me, you know. Shit. I never had the opportunity you had and shit. Amax twelve years old in his bed looking at Marvin laughing, like my father's nuts. So what happened is this woman moved out? Marvin because a mall in the current. And an opponent autograph, actress moved in. The whole apartment Nikki six started dating at the time. It great better better for me. You know, gives a fuck about that lady spin sorta lady that moved out speaking of Eleanor you and her on your Instagram has to be like one of the funniest things will entire world. We on meaning people wanna make show out of it. Now they can't even believe what what goes on with us. It's really let me just finish this, go ahead. Then we go back to Eleanor take no Joey on. People a I'm in so much anyway. So what hap- but she knows that, you know how I feel about them. I don't know whatever I say now is going to be the point is. That's not what sold Illinois to me. You know what I mean? Like when I liked, like I didn't even look at it. It's you know what I mean? Like in a sweatshirt, you see what I mean? It was more of the as no. Because the race was rounded in good way, like like any girl, I go with tits extra. Like I don't I don't hunt if I saw girl with the biggest tits in the world going holy shit. Now she worked by me, and she's got no s ago that girls being punished by God, because, you know to have tits like that face like that in no fucking ask decades. Never get married. That goes going to have to pay their own rent for the rest of the fucking light. Just got. No fucking understand. I don't wanna fuck an EMMY board him saying, I don't want to buy four it. I'll take a big fats, like like anybody. You know, in the tits, extra whatever it evens it out better. Right. You know what I mean? It's a pity on girls without a fat ass. Thank god. They throw an Anson today. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it's probably easier, though, Tim. Right. I'm just saying the girl, Tate's, right. No, I understand. And she's got no way. Look at me when I'm trying to explain it. It's a fucking pity. Right. No. Yeah. Like you get all this chick walking towards me. And then he goes no fucking like look at joing goes. No. Actually write it just goes gotta probably work fucking John's. Just the pay for com. She's probably driving fucking Prius, which sucks. Right. What I mean or mini coupe? Want to talk about cars. The point. I'm getting at when Roseanne I'm gonna lose my trank it of dot. Trank it track that word people know what I mean. My thought pattern. Okay. Roseanne was on like an Ambien whatever and she lost a job whatever. And when I saw that, that really bothered me because I know Roseanne for thirty three years, fringe all these years. And unlike fuck this, you know, and I waited for the right time. And we spoke, I just come to Vegas. I'm gonna bring you on bagels and the miniature came on standing ovation. Okay. Just to standing, I'll coming on and going off. What's great about Harry is he films, everything at the factory. So we got it all, you know, and that's when I was, and I said, I don't give a fuck, I go nobody ever got behind me. Okay. All these fucking comics these fuck and cots up is in 'oughts. And I'm not talking about, you know, I'm talking about the generation before, you know, I know you know, one not bells a you know what I mean. People like that bells would be on TV go, and he shouldn't be allowed to perform them going. He's filthy than may. Yeah, but I took care of him a long time ago on the stern show. Yeah, yeah, that was that was, and I love bells. Did his day. I love them. You know what I mean? I mean, he's you know, he did a great job with SUV would have, you know, the law and order thing, you know, but I'm saying, why would a guy like that going against a guy like me when you're filthy on stage? You know, it's one thing if it was signed, feld who didn't come up against me, you know, because he's smart. And he knows what I would do dice the fucking. Okay. You know, honestly, I've always, I've always loved that crew of Jerry Seinfeld, and Larry Miller, Paul rise, like that's a different kind of clean comedy, and seinfeld's, the best of that, you know, who's going to be better than that. I mean he actually thinks about what he's going to say on stage. That's unbelievable to me. I watch these fucking guys. Go on with the it used to be notepads. Now. It's the iphone let me go over just a fucking thrill. They're so excited. You're up there due to tuna bits and just fucking detain them. I wanna fuck and choke these guys to debt anyway. So when I saw with Rosanna said, I'm not going to be the guy that didn't help, you know, and I called her we're going to do it tour and everybody, you know, manager ragent everybody. So I call my agent pep auto you know who I'm with him and. Dennis foot thirty years. I mean, Pete was a twenty year old when I when, when I was with Dennis it first, and he was mentored by Dennis author. And now he's like one of the greatest come with girsch for, like movies and stuff. But for personal appearance, I've always been other than for like a year or two on and off with, with Dennis off RA. Am people auto peep, being my major agent right now? So I call Pete, and I go, listen, I got an idea. You know, I go I wanna go out with Roseanne. You got a problem handling. Like, would that be good feel you know and my agents, they don't handle comics handle Rockstars. They have like, you know, motley Crue Metallica. Billy Joel just did. What, what does he on sixtieth show at the garden once month? I mean, that's you know that's my other agent. That's Dennis off. That's what used to strategize with me for all the arenas. We did that together. You know. So he's handled, you know, everybody, you know. What's his name pissed away? Would you do what Joe cocker each handled everybody? It's all Rockstars. It's amazing. They probably have, you know, a quarter of the Rockstars in the world. Okay. So I called Pete, and I go would you handle Roseanne? You know and he goes done. I don't know problem with that's the difference. You know. So now going on sale putting a few shows on sale. One is. The paramount to paramount, which is which I got a call today. Go we pick two small fuck and place because it's it's like three-quarters sold out. It's on pre sale. It doesn't even go on sale tomorrow, Friday. So they are holding some tickets for the general public. We met up there to show that, you know, and the Atlantic City, it's, it's hard rock, hard rock live, which is a small Rena, which is also just tickets of flying ready as pre-sales. So I'm like, this is going to be the biggest comedy to, you know, to hit America in longtime, and it's Eleanor, of course. All right. So listen, when you hit it thing about the pin thing, just pay you more money for the shows 'cause Eleanor will open the shows, and then it's Roseanne myself. And maybe we'll do a little something that I just love like what we would dancing when we did the Las Vegas thing I put on this, like crazy song. We've started doing the. Dance whatever question. Yeah. You so line in. Fucking movie stars born. You said a wine that I watched the movie up to that part, and I've seen the movie so many times, HBO. I just watch the beginning. And when you said it, it was coming from dice, you said, so match and it was the story of dice. You said. When lady Gaga goes in the back, Utah, your friends, you know, you know, I knew a thousand guys were better than fucking Sonam out Sigme onto the fucking table. Tanatshai only stated on blue eyes, and that fucking sharks getting suit, and those shoes he became so mattress and all those other guys just went to the waste. Yeah. Just went nowhere. And that's what you knew my. Yeah. You hit the stage. There's no fucking pad as no no pairs. There's no room. Yeah. I just love to perform, like guys actually written in the script that, right? No, not at all that, but that was it written that I did. But not that when you said it, it was just, like, that's, that's a line that he would say no, he can understand because for regular act out of say that line, he would not understand what he'd be saying, because it's you know, it's organic, I you know, it's just organic. You know, have gone through forty how long you doing comedy now when he eight. Yeah, I'm doing it. Forty one forty, you know, like you know, it's like, when I think of like even the arena, days, let's say that's like a different lifetime ago. You know, like when, when I get on Instagram what the black and you hit, I don't wanna be that, you know, I hardly where the lead is anymore like going on in a t shirt and my jeans, you know, 'cause I've seen, you know, you know, I got a little angry with Sebastian for a while, because forget about dice influenced he was doing dice onstage in specials, and, and I love the gun, he opened from years ago, and we're only people open for me. I saw a potential, you know, and even back, then, I'd say it's too dicey, and then through the years, he got dicey, but then he came back to himself and originally, what got me mad at him was when he was on Mark marriage. Been talking and McMahon was asking them about opening for me. And, you know, asking to tell some stories which we have a lot of about hanging with me, and he wouldn't on stories, they went tell anything and I'm like, you know, the fuck is this, you know, it took you wonder my wing, so it got me it started getting angry and then comics would get angrier go, and he's like dice light when he's up there, you know with the leather jacket and but before he did the garden, which he did four nights, which is unbelievable. You know, I do love the guy. So when he went on the Howard Stern show and, and stirring, question them about me, he entered starring the right way. So I wrote a whole thing on Instagram about how great the guy is and, and to him like with you, you know, like I wouldn't want him to think like I wasn't behind them because there have been other comics now like Bill Burr has talked to me about the influence, I was in his life, and how he saw me at. Boston, the Boston Garden. And I think the Boston centrum and bills, one of the funniest you know that and he you know he plays drums. And when I was doing the arenas, I would end with a giant drum solo. I would play it to like an eight piece band. So I would do the Elvis thing I would do Travolta thing to grease lightning. I would even do some songs on. I would love won't. Let me wait by Luther Vandross, just with a keyboard player, and then I would do soul sacrifice with the band from Santana and go into a big drum solo. So Bill, I saw him. He was filming Bill Burr presents which Eleanor did a spot on for comedy central so went to taping and I'm going, I want you to play the drums onstage. She does I won't do it because that's what you did. But I also did arenas in doing that, you know, supply drums. If you wanna play the drums, come up with you one night, we'll do a double drum solo, you know, but I loved the influence, I brought, and I you know, when I was doing the arenas, I didn't think that others will ever going to do it. Like, you know, you gotta be a certain kind of Performa to be able to tend to taint twenty thousand people get myself that my whole life. I didn't study comics, I studied Elvis. That's the way studied, Elvis, buddy rich like the greatest of the greats. So when I made it I knew how to perform, you know, and but, but other comics have come along Joe Rogan. He's still in arenas. You know, you're doing big theaters, you know, Chapelle zone it, but I love, you know Kevin Hart is spoken about me in detail about what I did for him. You know, like when I'm thirty years old, I'm thinking about a guy that, you know, you know, two years old. Ten years old going, I wanna be that. But that's who I was watching Elvis, do the sixty comeback special. When I was twelve you know, going oh, could be that, but and I didn't mean as a singer, just the whole image of that person. And that's what I became an stand up and now 'cause so many comics all wearing leather jackets on stage. I'm going fuck that off on something else. You know because I've always said a trend. I don't I don't follow. I can't have every other comic way in a motorcycle jacket on stage and be going up with the motorcycle jacket. So I went to t shirts cut him out. You know, cut him a certain way, and, and trust me, it's it's a lot easier because some of my leathers weighed like twenty pounds Jesus. How's it all together? You got a couple hundred I have. Although still yeah, I have a mall now. And then I'll give a leather. Away like one if I like somebody, I'll give them like that were in concert, but not like dice rules, the dice, man cometh or the MTV. I have all of that stuff. Yeah. You don't get that for my son's you know, you don't get that stuff away. You know it's funny how. Richard Pryor introduce me comedy. Dangerfield made me thought about doing comedy and you Bush me over the edge, you push me. That's coal thing. You push me. It's like I knew once I saw you let me know I could do it. You will let me know why you were shooting you could do this. That's you know, which liked by flou- for the late. Yes, I plan in your ass. All that stuff was what I was thinking. So at first I was pissed if like the first week this motherfucker stole, my shit don't even know. Many stole my shit round my fucking head. Let straight, it's straight Yuma. So it was so relatable to me. And then I, I showed everybody would listen. It was that type of campaign like anybody who would listen, my, my in-laws from buffalo Catholic. I'm having my father in law in the room with the door locked for canal fucking Howlin. It's okay. Crazy. Do you have dates for this special anywhere for the store yet? Well, they go on sale tomorrow. I'm only putting this is what's nuts just should've released like twenty dates, but you know, they'll be more next week. You know, 'cause these just these are going to be sold out tomorrow, you know, and like I said, one of them, you know, is a cut down arena, and, you know, when my agent called me today goes, the pre sales ridiculous. You know, that's exciting news, because I want this to be giant because like I said, I just didn't like them, squashing this girl who's entertained millions of people, a whole adult life. And because, you know, we're living in a world where you just say something, and you lose a career, not even do something you say something, and you being held accountable. You know, when pe-. People are getting off of murder, you know, they're walking. But yet you said something and everybody oh, they shouldn't. They shouldn't be on TV. You know, so I was like fuck that we're going to, you know, you know, like, you know, and that's why the name is so great Mr. and MRs America, you know. And I look at it like making America laugh, again, because people, you know, mediocre has become the new, great, my son, max told me, he goes like when I watch these comedy specials like I'll give it up. If somebody's great, I wanna laugh, my bowl to I'll be honest when I watched a bring back Sebastian again, and I hope his this, because I watched him it was at Radio City musical was his last special. And I sat there with my son Dylan laughing like an idiot because, now, you know, it's hard to watch someone if you pissed off at them and you haven't talked to him about it. You know. So like once once my mine. Mind was cleared. And I heard how we spoke to how it and it was a little great. And even said something about me in Hollywood reporter, like a week ago like on, you know, I was childhood heroes. So that's shitty should have been saying, Maron, just say it, what's the big deal, you know. So, so we watched him at Radio City, and I'm going sterile and he was being himself. You know what I mean? That's what I loved. He liked came back to his voice like you know, what I'm talking about money on stage. You know, and I go, so I paid the guy in k. But now you turn on a comedian and he's doing it. Exactly like going. What are you when impersonator that would make me angry? And I got every right to get angry at that. But when I see the guy come back to himself because fame as a funny place when you start getting famous and, you know, about it now, when all of a sudden you walk through a mall people fucking no. You would a movie theater and people. Okay. Get a picture with you. It's a funny place to be, you know, so everybody goes through different things when they become famous and how how much fame, so I I'm a guy that I think handled it pretty good because I never became reclusive I go by myself everywhere, I carry a pipe. You know what I mean? I don't need a team of security when I have a pipe in our people see the pipe wrapped around my wrist. They. Maybe he doesn't wanna take a picture. Got a fight with his chick right now. You know, just doesn't look like he's a picture, taking guy at this moment, it's got to foot pipe with a leather strap around his wrist, so, but I'm saying, I always people used to ask me, you actually bring your own cleaning and go to the gross. Like I never understood that when you become reclusive, it's the worst thing because you can't go back from that you, you know, what are you going to reteach yourself, how to be amongst people owing to sit at a coffee shop new sit around all of frayed like an asshole. I remember corn Howard Stern. This is great. The we went house on thing. Which he regretted people always regret. Hanging with me. Always thrilled to meet me, and then it gets to the point where they say things like I'm sorry. I ever said a loaded sky understand. You know, but the first time they meet you, it's an honor and then it gets out. Then it's four in the morning calls. You know what you doing? What do you mean what am I doing? I'm sleeping you know what would I be doing it for thirty AM? I gotta get up in an hour for shoot. You know, echo put your up already. You never finished army to story about like one time I called Daniel Baldwin right? And I don't know he's in New York fuck do I know where he is? And. And it was five in the morning. You know, and I go, what are you doing? Any goes dice. I gotta get up in an hour go. Yeah. But you now you're up, you know. So you would tell me the story, you met the red headed girl. And it goes can't we do this another ton Cup. What you're all right. You're not going to be able to go to sleep. If we talked, you know, so we might as well bullshit, a half hour, and then you go some hanging, the phone of dice, you'll have to hear about the redhead another. All right. That's up to you. But don't call me back. Once you can't sleep. Don't call me back and hang up. But you to never call them again. I mean, I've seen him since they won't. Talk late at night. You gotta call make. It. So I go house hunting, how it stern. This is like around I wanted to live on the east coast because they couldn't get my parents to, to move out here. So I wanted to be around family that was, you know, it was overwhelming do what I was doing. So. He takes me house, hunting, and Long Island. He gets a real estate agent. And if you know, I'm always filming the video camera while you filming a why not, why can't what are you what, don't fill me. Well, why not your who I'm with, you know, and then if we pull up to a house that I didn't like the outside the woman would get out, and I, I'm not going. He goes, can't you just go in? She made the appointment you know, I don't like the outside. So there's no reason to. It's a waste of time. I'm lying. I go in. Let me go Tele. So he goes, and we do the whole house on thing thing. Then at the end of the day, he goes, let's get something need. I go. Yeah. Let's go to Dina you know, go on. He goes, I get this great little talion place, we go downstairs. I go how it's one the after noon. I don't wanna go to talion place. I want to go diner and have a Berga and nobody's going to bother us. You got understand this wasn't the Howard Stern, you know that became big throughout the whole country. You know, he was only big really, you know, probably New York Philly he was building. So I get him to Dina which is empty, by the way. Nobody there other than the waitress and at the end she has for both their autographs. It wasn't the cell phones. We gotta stand there now. And then they go came out blurry go fuck yourself, taking him other one. That's it. I'm leaving. So it was just autographs. And then I called him about an hour later, I went to kings plaza shopping centre in Brooklyn where I had an apartment in Brooklyn. Not even a house in a brick building. Okay. And I call them up I go, how do you know where am right now? Reclose go. I mean kings plaza buying black jeans financial Coliseum. Nobody's bothering me. Don't just stay in don't become reclusive. It's, it's just not a good thing. If you don't know how to walk out of your house by yourself. You know, I don't like guys like axel a reclusive. It's like what good is any of it. If you can't just go United just gotta get out. I don't need a team with me. I don't need a bunch of people looking around pulling up and fucking SUV's. I want an nice coughing. I wanna slurpee. You know, I don't need a team I need my car. I need me and I need the pipe that's it without a team that you're unnoticed, without a team, you know, this, you walk in, you people don't even know you're gonna seem you some all over the place. People don't even throw on a baseball hat, people have no idea. Yeah. I standard table losing hundreds of thousands, nobody even notices of than the casino beautiful. You lost hundreds of thousands of us. Don't you know exactly look at the life, I get to lead. That's why could lose one hundred grand get on stage. You'd never you'd think one hundred grand. Yeah, I've the gambling and the my life was I quit now. So I don't gamble now. But yeah, I've gone. I've lost a half a million to clip one half a million at a clip in minutes. This isn't like how much you've been a hand. Well when when those kind of plays would happen. I'd be playing all six bucks at, like ten grand a hand cheese. So let's say you just lost one in their sixty thousand. Yeah, but let's say you get a winning hand a couple black jacks, a couple double downs. You win one hundred thousand a minute hope. Yeah but you don't play with what you don't have. You can't have fear when it comes to gambling, because that's all it is, is you take an chance, so you gotta have brass balls. And you've got to be willing to lose not win lose everything in front of you to win. That's the only way you do. One anybody playing scared is gonna lose always in life at anything. You know, if you go on a stage and you don't open up you never gonna make it, you know, if you have frayed the crowd you never gonna make, you know, they were rules of engagement with everything, you know. Same thing with bang, bang into a fucking Haro gives a shit. You know she can't take this kind of banged. She shouldn't be my cheque. Right. You know what I mean? With everything you just do the best you could with everything. That's all I look at life Andrew, you fucking beauty. What, what a philosophy of? These people wanna go is going to be a website for Mr. and MRs America. It's on sale. It's onset, you could call them. Who are they live nation? No, not loving nation. Might be the paramount theatre man to these the, the, you know, the hard rock and not exactly it's going to be more on sale now because this is just this is estimating quickly quicker than I thought it was absolutely. You know, Roseanne ready around. Yeah. She, we were on the phone the other night, all excited, she's complete because she did a couple of shows already this, this month and just on her own just to get a feet wet, and she got standing those and you know she loves it, like we love it. You know. And she's always been a great, great comic. I was talking about how, you know, years ago when people would heckle her. She's the first girly of sore look at somebody in the crowd, and go suck my. Tuck and dick, you know, and this is a woman. We've had some fun to, you know, she's that was one time I went gambling with Roseanne when I was doing the dunes, like I could do the dunes comedy star Michi winning believe me till I would show like the money or the chips inbet- fifteen hundred week when I did the comedy store at the Doon so tell this before my career took off. You get one hundred set. It did fifteen sets the week. So in between sets go out when twenty thirty thousand I would take like two hundred bucks, just Paul lay and just win. And go back to do my next show. The comics would come to Mitzi. It's even wanna see that she didn't want she want to gender thumb. That's how she was. That's just, you know, she loved being the mother of the comics, whatever. So she'd tell like who. Whatever comic would run back to the dice just one thirty thousand dollars in between no Eden, no wait in a comeback Mitzi. What's this fake? I go of why would I lie about it took two hundred dollars? Just beat them. That's all a big deal. Commonsense makes you win. Stupid sense makes you lose. That's it. You either on your game rough game that you'd go headed. You do that. I go, I don't even know. I just know how to do it. It's one time with kennison you're gonna love this because. He always had a thing with me because, you know, he wasn't a shop looking guy. And I was that's the bottom line, you know, and it was always the two of us on late at night at the store, and I loved the guy, you know, like I was thrilled when he made it but he couldn't handle my success, because I made his success look like he was a club comic. You know, I'm doing two nights at the garden and he's, you know it didn't matter anymore with him. That's what happened. So we're doing so tell and he's already making I'm I'm doing well making it as an act of because I was doing the Michael Mantua crime story. So it was almost like a showdown in the middle of the casino. And the one thing that's very real about me onstage off, is my confidence. It's just there. So we meet in the middle of the casino. He's coming from the front door. And he was dating Tamayo at sukey at the time and I'm a training, we've been dating, like, I don't know what year so we meet in the middle of the casino. It's just this face off. You know, he's like how you doing this? You know, going, great just killer show. Yeah. When some money because, you know, you're going to win. I always win Sam that anything do go, I'll show you. This is true Trini, if she was sitting here, she get out. Kinda watch this trick. And there's a slot machine. Right. He'll say, okay. So take ten bucks. I go watch this, and I put the ten in, you know, and it just play for the whole amount a big wishing right? Ten thousand dollars right there. Then that's what I'm talking about. I always fuck him when and he I thought he might pass out because the look in his face was like decision movie like a setup in a movie, where guy walks over puts him one dollar and wins all the ten thousand dollars, just right there with the bill's going off the money fallen out. It's who I am. You know. Vice your fucking savage. Like that took the fog in time. I'll always do your show. I always love it. I've been sitting here and all. Happy that I followed you leave is here. I am. Because the Yuba well, I'm you know, I talk about a lot 'cause I'm really proud of what you're accomplishing and keep building on, you know, it started feel like about five years ago, as far as your Bill, you know, you know, and I hear it all because Kate opens for me sometimes. So we'll talk about you, our Lord Eleanor. Hey, I'll yell at one. We're on the road like it gets to the point that I'll go do you know anything about the history of comedy? You know, like I'll get mad at high go as Joey about, like, I'll tell like upon my history that sounds like unreal. I go just as Joey, right? Because he knows it all he, he's e- cmih, do what I go. What do you think his his an example, I'm playing some club in Arizona. And when Eleanor can't do the gig. I have Kate do. And I don't wanna I don't wanna bring money but she told me like what you charge at the door. I go really I go, I think he should do more. You know, it's travelling across the country. Whatever she goes, what are you charge? I don't know. At least fifty you know, go to club, so they need to make money to afford me, you know, it's three hundred seats, whatever the fuck it, and she got no charge. So I go, and I don't even know what that charge so little while later with the manager at a club, I go, and with Kate and I go can you tell me ago because I care like this is what I'm getting for the weekend. I'm all good with it. Okay. How much charging the door because, well, you know, the, the golden circle seventy five around the stage. And then, you know, general admission's fifty five you know, she goes, no goes dead dice. So I'll always say to her, because I know you closely go. Yes, Joey knows my whole history. You don't know anything, you know, you're too, busy, just taking pictures. You know what I mean? You should. Learn opening for it might be good, you know, so yell at her about that stuff. But you've funniest I've stood when we're going to see Ford fucking family in the movie then in pain. So I know the foot. That's what I'm saying. See, she doesn't know this stuff. She'll bring up deny you were on CNN with. Yeah. What ninety million hits something like that. You know, when I again, CNN Fokin in his mouth so newscast. I don't I it's not ninety million, but it's millions of hits that, that God, you never heard from that guy again. Oh, the one that you stop the interview. Yeah. When he goes you running a gym. This is CNN. Running a gym with flux. You get your information and that was it. Once I curse now I'm gonna destroy the gun. I mean. I mean, but that's why. But I'll be honest with all the movies and all that. You know that's all great. And I actually get bored on a movie set I hate the waiting around. I can't take it even come over to Bradley when we were doing the stars on that scene. You were talking about with the sing people under the table, you know, Sinatra with, and I went you wanna get out of here, ready. You know. You know. He's looking at me go, what do you mean get at we'll filming a scene. How much you're gonna film looks to me like you got it. You know what are you going to film, the toaster? Now, you gotta get the fuck out of here, coffee assume. It's done. Like you know how much I know you knew what this shit. But, like howling wanna hang around here. You know it gets really boring. To me, you know. So the live thing is, you know, nothing like it just nothing like clubs ity absolute greatest to perform in, but, you know, I'm going to go into these big places again because this is a bigger than life show. So you have to, you know, still doing, and I applaud you that, that if you want to get tickets for dice and Mr. MRs America tour go on pre Salem. No, there aren't around tomorrow, that tomato cry. They go on fucking sale. Open up at the Pam on the-the at the Hard Rock Cafe. Atlantic City, and they'll be more hard rock live hot rod rock live. If you need dates if he tweets them, our tweet them for your right? Thank you. That's it. And that's that the show is brought to you by him. Four hymns dot com. A one stop shop for hair loss skincare, and sexual wellness cement need all the help. They could get now for you young guys, you know, from time to time things a slip and but with age comes wisdom, but getting older also be down, especially when you wanna have sex and time time forty percent of men by the age of forty struggle at not being able to get a Mentana direction a God, damn shame eright knocked up, my wife and fifty so you guys gotta get it together. Why are you going to turn the win solutions that do nothing when you can turn to medicine and science, why expensive Bill and Jackson's? That's no man wants injection. What I wanted to do is this be wise. And check out for him. Like I said, it's a one stop shop for hair loss skin care, and sexual wellness hymns will connect, you realize doctors, and the a approved pharmacist to treat e D, they got well known generic women's to name brand prescriptions to help you combat erectile dysfunction prescription solutions backed by science and made more foldable to you. That's what forms does see the results were other treatments fall short stop worrying about multiple in office doctor visits known painfully junction on the other treatments. It's very easy. You answer you questions about your medical history, your chat with adopter for a confidential review. And if you're approved the products shipped directly to your door. Nobody knows nothing being your best means performing at your best. It's a rectal without the dysfunction. It's hard made easy say Hello to your Lou little. A friend. Now what I'm gonna do is this for the church family. A lot of you guys have this prominent wanna go to doctor forget about all that for month. We'll give you hymns for five dollars. That's right. Five dollars. You get started for five bucks while supplies last. Description products are subject. Dr prove require an online consultation with a physician will determine if a prescription is appropriate. How's that go to the website for full details? And for safety information, this would cost you hundreds. If you went to a doctor or pharmacy. Forget that go to four hymns dot com slash church. That's four hymns dot com slash church. Now. As a special trait where we we're going to play, we'll play both your son's band. No one ks that's life kick. It Louis C. You mother fuckers next week, Columbus. Soul doubt. But I'll see you fucking on the rec room, July fit. And I'll see you in Charlotte at the comedies on the eleventh through the thirteenth kick. This mother fucking merely. Love. Two. Great. That's. Can.