Jonathan Palmar The Reward of Seeking Approval Is Zero


I wanted my boss to pat me on the back and say you did a great job with this project. Good so i worked and worked worked hard on this project when i finally went to present. It they responded so nonchalantly just tossed to the side and told me that they'll get to it sometime next week. Had low fellow risk-takers in welcome to my worst investment ever stories of loss to keep you winning in our community. We know that to win an investing. You must take risk but to win big. You've got to reduce it. This episode is sponsored by east ons which offers online courses that help investors aspiring professionals business leaders and even beginners to improve the finances of their lives and their businesses go to my worst investment ever dot com right now to claim your discount on the course that excites you the most fellow risk-takers. This is your worst. Podcast host. Andrew stotz and i'm here with featured guests. Jonathan palmer jonathan. Are you ready to rock ready to roll. Let's go so i wanna introduce you to my audience. Ladies and gentlemen listen up. Here is the bio jonathan palmer. John palmer makes videos john. Take a minute and filling in for the tidbits about your life. I feel like that. Just encapsulates it perfectly one of challenges that we hear every day because i am a digital marketer that works on lincoln. That's really the heart of everything. If i had to expend a little bit more. But if there's one pet peeve that i have if there's one thing that identify as we help clients market their businesses on linked in is it is so challenging for individuals to develop an effective elevator pitch and on podcast every day. We hear it though. Go down this laundry list of different things but trying to encapsulated all or summarize it into a couple of words. Sentence can be very very challenging. So i'm not just teaching people how to do it. I'm also living in the more. That i could be concise and save people time the more i feel like bill invest in me. You know it's so fascinating. Because i mean i consider myself pretty good at writing and thinking about the listener and the audience and all that but every time i go on linked in and try to rewrite my bio and all that and i do this and i do that and i can't do this sometimes. I've done that. And then you just realize that you just create this ocean of lack of focus. And i recently focus my lincoln profile on one simple thing and i believe it is literally an undisputed unchallenged. Message i am your worst podcast host folk my worst investment ever podcast. That's it. Nobody's challenged me on it yet and everybody at it and goes this guy's nuts but they remember what do you have any advice for me or other people out there on linked in when you think about kind of what is the message and why would have to be so simple as i make videos. I think what it is. We look at our work. We feel like maybe it's just all of the way that marketing traditionally has been and just like the way that we communicate whenever. We're trying to sell something. We always feel like we need to pack in as much as possible like any time that you've seen like a sale in a store or advertising. What do they do like. You could super size your meal for thirty cents more. You know you could get a drink size larger. Buy one get one free like we're trying to stuff as much value in as possible where icy the challenge is in the fact that like for example a great piece of content for lake social media or something like that. You would think like. Let's say that. I wanted to create an article or a video or something opposed for social media and it pertained to here is how to build a house now. We can all agree. That if i got into the step by step process of building a house we could all understand how valuable that that took somebody twenty thirty years of experience to write it all out and go step by step. How many hours did they put into it. But if we were to present that as a piece of content or if we were to present that as our bio or or something like that provides with e book that is incredibly overwhelming. That is just too much and if i was consuming a piece of content that look like that it would be such a turn off because i cannot envision myself building a house. It's too complex. But if i told you. Hey i can show you how to organize your work from home desk. Now you're like wait a second. i could do that. Yeah like i could actually take this one little thing that he said and put it into action. So if there's anything that learned about social media is we need to provide actionable advice. We need to provide actionable bios. We need to keep it incredibly simple because if one it's the power of the scroll it's not like an a commercial where we're stuck there and we have to watch it. People will tune out so it's pension is such a sensitive think it has to be as simple as possible. It reminds me of when i go to audible. And i look for my next book and i look at one book. That's twelve hours in one book. That's four and i think i do not want to commit twelve hours. I just don't have it but this four hour one could be interesting. Oh wait a minute. There's a two hour one and sometimes in the world of business. I often tell people that if you make it long. It means you're putting all the work on the person consuming it rather than you figuring out how to narrow it down and maybe you could just have the over for the audience out there. I know a lot of my listeners are on lincoln and they they see the they see the power lincoln and they understand it but the truth is they're sitting there and they're going up andrew. I just don't know where to start and it's overwhelming when i look at some of these people. Just look at you. John as an example if i go to your linked in and look at what you produced all that i just don't know where to start and i just wonder if you could give them a little a little tidbit from all of your experience about where to start and how to how to really do it right. One of the biggest challenges that we have with our clients is. It's a confidence issue. So what will happen when you get started on lincoln. What do you immediately recognize. You have professional individuals that have thirty years of experience that you're competing against for attention. You have individuals with years of experience with video that articulate incredibly. Well maybe they have some acting experience. Maybe their professional writers. It's very quick and easy for us to feel overwhelmed. So what do we do. We tend to focus on the work of others. What i notice very popular is sharing articles. It's rephrasing paraphrasing other people's work because we don't feel like we have enough authority in order to take control and write our own content. We're so concerned about what everybody else is going to think of us. It's very juvenile. When you break it down right these insecurities that's like it goes back to childhood right. But here's the reality of the situation. We have played the tape to the end so many times in our own minds and what i mean by that is you've lived an incredible life. You've had some incredible experiences. But because you've played it in your head like a vhs rewinding it playing it forward over and over and over again it loses a lot of the sensationalism. It loses a lot of the special that it is but for somebody. That's here your story. For the first time on social media that has never heard that story before that has never lived it all of a sudden. It is brilliant. We all had those experiences in our lives. So i think the first step is recognizing that we try to go on an exhibition like we go on an adventure trying to search for the diamond. Which is that perfect article. That's going to resonate with a bunch of people when what you really need to do. Is you need to polish the rock within you and discover the diamond. That's inside because when you kind of polish it and you find a diamond people will come to you. You are the diamond. That people are searching for right. So i think that it's just rephrasing that reworking and just polishing your diamond creating a message that will resonate with people but it is all within. You just have to do the work to polish it. A few quick things in that for the young listeners. Out there at the vhs was a a method of creating and distributing radio but the other thing is remind me of the wizard of oz which is at the end. I can't remember the exact wording of it. But then i realized that it was within me when that's the journey and that's the search that we all go through realized that it was really within ourselves and so the last part of that that i'm thinking about is that so is what you're saying to try to think about stories and experiences that relate to your products and services to say here's why i created this or this is the problem i face a was that those types of things are the types of things that we should be doing videos on. Yes yes i think. It's good to be inspired by the work of others. I would never discredit that. So what i would do is step one. Go to like a buzz. Sumo or youtube type in keyword related to your industry on youtube filter by views. Why because on on google unfortunately or fortunately you have a little thing called. Seo so you can use a bunch of keywords to boost you in your position on google. But here's the secret on youtube. It's the number to search engine but you can filter by views so you can identify exactly what people in your target market are actually searching for so if you can develop a message around this thing that people are searching for you have experienced in authority with but say it in your own words you know. Basically if the challenge was. I'm not a good closer. Just crazy example. I wouldn't really go to youtube put in how to be better closer. Watch the piece of content. See how they approached it. How can i basically add some some steps to that process. How would i approach it. Given the same situation and then the next step would be start with a relatable subjects. Which is how many of us struggle with trying to gain new business or closing. That's step one. Make it relatable so that everybody is most of us have struggled with closing deals or you know negotiating whatever may be right so lead with that lead with something that everybody can relate with and then from there explain to people how you kind of approach that challenge what you experienced and how you overcame your fears of closing and now that you are past this point. You've gone through the transformation. What are some actionable tips that you could give your audience. So that they can apply it to their own lives and that is a perfect piece of content beautiful and don't worry about what other people say about it and all that so great steps go search for your keyword and also remember when you type in the thing about what your what your ideal client also typing in like improve my closure ratio as an example. When you type that in you also get a list of suggestions that come down as a drop down that i suppose is youtube saying yep this is similar types of searches that have sent people so if you're search and then then you kind of be able to really narrow it in and then filter by by views and then look at what other people are doing. And then think about how you face that challenge and then think about how you can make it relatable and then tell them how you went through them. And the beauty of what you're describing. I think for the for the listeners. Out there the beauty of this is that this is this brings us back to a word. I just love which is authenticity. When it's your struggle and you could be twenty eight years old and you're not thirty years experience but there's a twenty eight year old out there that we'd love to hear how you overcame the same issue that they're overcoming and that is the beauty of it is authenticity so if i summarize it right right got it well speaking authenticity. Now it's time to show your worst investment. Ever since no one ever goes into their worst investment than eight. We'll be tell us a bit about the circumstance leading up to and then tell us your story so we grew up with this belief that we need to trust in search for the approval of other people constantly. It's just human nature to want to fit into the pack so we're constantly searching for that. We constantly want people to give us the validation that were going on the right path and if you have any courage within yourself there's always going to be a natural poll to go after what you really want. As opposed to what standards are said to be like what status quo is so. I would say that that was my worst investment. Ever is the belief that i needed the approval of my friends. My family my workers anybody even an audience that was by far my worst investment. Because the time cost me the money that i wasted concerning myself with something like that. I had no idea when i was going through it but now that i've kind of stepped away from it. Yes like i recognize that. My worst investment ever was searching for the approval and validation of others. And can you as you look back when you were in the heat of that. It's that time in your life. what's it kind of makes you cringe to think. Why was i doing that. Why was i saying that. Yeah no it is. Sometimes it got pretty dramatic. I would put myself in some seriously uncomfortable situations. I remember there was one time that i wanted to complete this project. So bad and it wasn't even get to that part of suit. But i wanted to finish a project so bad so i put my heart and soul into a. We're talking about months. Upon months of sixty hour weeks working on this project putting my heart and soul into it. Because i just wanted my boss to be happy i wanted. My boss pat me on the back and say you did a great job with this project. Good so i worked and worked and worked hard this project. When i finally went to presented. They responded so nonchalantly just tossed it to the side and told me that they'll get to it sometime next week and that is when i recognize that. Was that breaking point. Where i realized like i put all this time into it. I should be proud of myself. But if i'm trying to get this person to validate me. I'm always going to be disappointed. And that's when. I started to reframe that people will always disappoint you because you're expectations will never match what they provide you. With light aid. They did not live it. They did not sit there sixty hours a week working on this project like you did not the way that you committed yourself to it. So that was the beginning of one. I started to rephrase my situation and get away from this belief that i need the validation of others and then against it gets a lot deeper than it was like parents. Parents like saying you need to go down this path. You need to do this thing right but it always leaves you feeling empty as more than anything else even if you do accomplish whatever the task is if it's not in your heart to be. This is what i really want. You're never gonna feel fulfilled. You're just gonna feel like it's a cup with a hole in it. You're just always searching for more of it. And i feel like i didn't get to the point where i started to fix myself. I suppose or. I didn't start to realize how bad of an investment it was until i started to build an audience and then that's when the that's when the awareness really started to kick in i can i say approval is like a cup with hole in searching for approval is like a cub when the it so tell me what lessons how you summarize lessons that you've learned from going through that experience of constantly searching for approval that it's there's there's no reward at the end of the end of the road there is no reward. Damn stop right there. I mean that. That just like smacks you in the face and ladies and gentlemen think about that carefully. And i think john's already mentioned it. That searching for approve or doing things for the purposes of getting approval is like getting a cup with a hole in it and then to say that. There's no return it shocking. I mean how many people listening to this podcast right now and people all around the world are literally working their asses off to do something to get approval and there is no return any other lessons. I'd say that. That was the biggest one but i had enough of those experiences because it's was not one. Large investment necessarily it was a lot of small diversified my investments and right i diversified my words investment so like partners and friends family all of that stuff but it always lead to the same return until i started investing in myself when i started investing in myself and doing the work for myself. Ben i started to see a return because it's not so much. The micro success is that you create for yourself lead up to the the big successes that you starts experience so when you cash out you can kind of like search back and look at everything that you've done and realize the fact that like i built something for me instead of sitting there and building building up the net worth of all of these other people building houses and castles for everybody else. When i started building my own home. When i started to build myself up i realize okay. I can live in this now. As opposed to trying to rent out space from everybody else so that was very powerful. And i think that if there's anything to take away from the experiences that we need to focus more on how we're building ourselves up how we're investing ourselves as opposed to how much we're trying to build others in spite of. Maybe how we feel if you can find somebody that you can work with. And it's a partnership where it's balanced and the give and take is equal than more power to you but if you're if the amount of effort that you're putting to reach that validation is not equal to the outcome that they provide you with then you'll never you'll never get the return that you want in yet so. Let me summarize what i took away from your story. I mean the first thing is you just flashed into my mind. A guy that i knew that said i said. Hey how. how're you doing today. And he was like. I just had a fight with my girlfriend. I don't know why she's so upset. I put in my five percent in the relationship and you think about. That's the way a person that you're trying to please probably thinking about you that it's your responsibility to put in everything into this relationship with the second thing. He reminded me of time i was about eighteen. Maybe nineteen years old. And i had moved in with a guy that i knew from junior high and high school who later became my best friend and later became my business partner in one of my businesses and he runs our coffee business here in thailand names dale and basically we're having some out somewhere and somebody was talking to him and he was complaining about something that david said or did in. Dale said to him. Because i was always a people pleaser looking for people and they all said something that just like blew me back really really knocked me and he said to the guy if you have a problem with that. That's your problem. And i just never. I was like wait a minute. You can say that and you can think that and dale taught me a real lesson that started waking me up to that so the idea being that this is my life. This is my decision. This is my thinking and some even going to like it and some people aren't and you know what that's their problem now. It's not like you're saying you know. I'm going to punch you in the face and it's your problem. That's not what we're talking about. But i'm living my life and i'm doing my things and you know there's going to be people that don't like it. That's there so that's kind of my take away anything you'd add to that. No i think that casselton. I think it's just it's recognizing like what other people think of us is none of our business. And if they're audacious enough to share something like that typically they're right those uncomfortable conversations that we build up their own minds like that like sometimes. That's exactly what we need to hear to. Just make. Click and recognize like yeah. You know you're creating that's the thing my boss. That did not give me the validation that i wanted. It's not his fault and that was the takeaway. When i left that room. I realized the mistake i made. He didn't make a mistake. He was actually really smart. He found somebody that was incredibly passionate that put a ton of time into the work but the fact that he was unromantic about my journey about what i went through and he could completely separate himself from the like he only cared about the results but we love to romanticize the process and say we did this that and the other but at the day most clients most people that we work with. What's the result if you had to go through. Xyz events great but the only people that are really gonna understand or respect that or the ones that are experiencing it in that moment added so based on what you learn from this experience in what you continue to learn. What one action would you recommend our listeners. Take to avoid suffering the same fate. I think it goes back to when i was saying. You have to polish your own diamond. You need to start looking introspectively and really begin to understand what is really important to me. Why is it that whether it's self love or maybe you haven't completely because we talked to people in their forties and fifties and when you have a conversation with them you recognize. They still haven't found themselves. I know it's super cliche to say but we really can't start to love and care for people until we start to love and care for ourselves. So i would say like nurture yourself as an investment. Really take the time to look introspectively. Figure out what you really want. What's really important to you and then have the courage to actually act on it. So many of us are feel like okay. Everything's good enough but the reality is if you can have it your way. What would that look like. Really take some time to write that down. Figure out who you really wanna be a place like lincoln. Right now is amazing for that because it is such a supportive community of individuals. And if you want to go out and try something. I came from a forensic accounting background and that was less than two years ago and i realized that that was not what was going to make me happy in life. I had another calling. But i had to have the courage to recognize it to look introspectively to write down what i really want to do. And then actually take the steps to make that dream come true. But they'd started with that breaking point recognizing that if i keep searching for the validation of others never gonna find what what really works best for me. Got it all right last question. What's your number one goal for the next twelve months. I make videos. I'm not planning tomorrow. I'm not planning week. I'm not planning next year. That's one of the things that i felt that challenged me the most is they tried to plan things out too far ahead just like any investment. They're volatile. they'll go up. Go down just like life so like warren buffett says just leave it alone planning anything. I'm keeping the investment there and we'll see what happens but right now. I'm not planning a single moment Listeners. that's a great way to think about it. Your objective really is today to be the best of you. Bring out the best of you and be authentic alright listeners. There you have it another story of law to keep winning remember to go to my worst investment ever dot com to claim your discount on the course that excites you. The most as we conclude jonathan. I want to thank you again for coming on the show and on behalf of e starts academy i hereby award you alumni status for turning your worst investment. Ever into your best teaching moment. Do you have any parting words for the audience. This wasn't the worst podcast ever been on. So i consider this a story a men and that's a ramp on another great story. Help us create grow and most importantly protect our well fellow retailers. This is your worst podcast host. Andrew stotz saying that. i'll see you on the upside.

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